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sw4tch · 1 year

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Hey! *Kicks open your door* tell me about your OC's on main! I want to hear about them! (If you want to)

I DO, I DO WANT TO!!!

since I'm stuck during a long bus ride you get to hear my long long rambles about my dnd ocs!! (They're the ocs i think about constantly because they're the ones i get to Play With more lol)

They're all from different campaigns I've played. I'll give you quick info and thoughts about them in chronological order (aka, which one did i create first)

Michi Haasi

- fun fact his name is literally an endearment term for a cat in spanish (something like "little critter")

- which makes sense since he's half tabaxi, aka literally a cat boy. Full anime cat boy! He's a rogue that was trained as a spy assassin from a tender age because his parents got murdered in an unjust massacre carried out by a random noble lord. Now left to care for his little sister and brother, he took on a life of crime with high risk but high reward.

- since he specialized in being part of political conflicts from the shadows, he knew it would make him enemies that would put his siblings in danger. So he left them in an orphanage and cut all possible ties with them. He cares for them deeply though and sends all the money he can to the orphanage so that his siblings may be cared for properly.

- it feels weird not to mention it even though it has never come up in the story and i doubt it ever will, but Michi is a trans boy :3

- outside of the role, there was another player in my table that kept pushing for his character (a hobbit druid girl) to have a hardcore crush on Michi and i didn't feel comfortable with that so uh now my experience rping Michi has been soured a bit. Like yes i do love him as one of my creations but if i never play as him again i will not feel too bad about it (which is good bcus the DM got too busy with his own life so uhhh i guess we'll never play again!)

Ishana Aavrih

- My sweet tiefling paladin girl ♡ the joke i had is that she's literally just a nun with a sword. She's a tall and strong looking blue tiefling woman with fiery red hair. A devout follower of Fantasy Jesus (Ilmater) and her core beliefs were that anyone can be redeemed, anyone deserves a second chance, and that her duty was to protect other's from harm.

- i wanted her to be a pacifist but uhm since that campaign was heavy on the combat she did indeed kill many people. IN HER DEFENSE i did make her ask before the killing blows if they were willing to give up their life of Evil Deeds. No one ever did lmao

- her backstory never came up but: in this setting tieflings are loathed as an "inherently evil" race so Ishana grew up in a convent of a group of tieflings which main ideology was to "repent for the sins of their race". She was an orphan there so she was raised on these beliefs which marked her ideology forever. We love catholic guilt.

And to make it more tragic, she had a best friend growing up with her too in that convent and she loved her a lot, but her friend was more rebellious and mischievous (not bcus she was evil but bcus teens are just like that!). Anyway her friend gets killed to make an example out of her after a Nebulous Incident (aka i never worked out the details here ahdjjdjd) and Ishana is left heartbroken. It does lead her to escape and later on find comfort in the teachings of Ilmater because of the ideology of "everyone deserves a second chance" (since her friend deserved a second chance!)

- anyway in the campaign we had to stop cultists from bringing the apocalypse and one of the head Priestesses named Vannifer wanted help in stopping the apocalypse (because she was basically a slave to the Evil God trying to bring the apocalypse and she wanted to be free).

Vannifer was also a tiefling with a tragic backstory so when Ishana heard her tale and plea she immediately decided she wanted to help her no matter what! It became her life duty to try and free Vannifer from her chains so that she may be happy.

The rest of my party was pretty murder happy so even they wanted to kill Vannifer on several occasions so it became a running joke that only Ishana saw Vannifer as an ally (and she was!!! Like literally she's a NPC meant to help u!!! Why would u kill her!!!!)

Alongside this, in one of the cursed temples my party freed a group of Kenkus (bird people) and one of them was a small orphan crow boy and he immediately got attached to Ishana (and i became attached as well!!!!!!!!!!!) So Ishana adopted him as her son. His name was Purulento (pretty sad name in spanish bcus it's something akin to "infected wound"). Anyway i love him so much and he's my little son boy. My little baby. My sweet little boy. He became a cleric mostly so we could deploy him if any of our players missed a session so Purulento could fill that space in combat.

At the end of the campaign, Ishana realized she wanted to give up the sword and go live with her son and Vannifer in a cabin in the woods. So yeah she basically got her happy lesbian ending and sobs im so happy. BCUS PURULENTO HAS 2 MOMS AND GETS TO GROW UP IN THE HAPPY HOME HIS 2 MOMS DIDN'T GET TO HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love her so goddamn much.

- Also her name is a valid homestuck troll name fun fact.

Eshuu Teevan

Ohhhh boy oh boy oh sweet jelly goddamn crackers HOW TO START WITH ESHUU MY DEEPLY BELOVED!!!!!! He lives rent free in my head even if i have played with him like maximum 7 sessions. Gonna try to TL;DR him bcus if not we will be here all DAY and maybe it's better if i show u the 40 powerpoint presentation i have on him later

- he's a satyr warlock! His patron is Caiphon, an old god and distant star. Akin to a lovecraft horror. Eshuu has a HORRIBLY debilitating Ego so when this elder god came to him in a dream and promised him the secrets of godhood it was all over.

- he's a scholar that loves nature, but most of all fungi! He's fascinated by the idea of Rot As An Extension of Life. In a better timeline he's some sort of druid ♡ we're not in that timeline ♡

- to understand what's wrong with him u gotta know that he lives in a world where Gods walk among them and each year the world celebrates "A Harvest" which is kinda like uhhh the hunger games but the prize is that the winners get to Ascend To The Heavens.

Eshuu being part of the Fey knows that the gods are capricious and not to be venerated. But his best friend Jakobi (an elf) is a devout believer who's purpose in life is to win the Harvest and ascend (as his people have trained him for). Knowing that his most likely fate is death, Eshuu tries to discourage Jakobi from making this his Life Goal but they fight and break up their friendship and something inside Eshuu snaps that makes him want to take over the gods and destroy them ♡ because he could do so much better ♡

- anyway Eshuu is my babygirl and i love him so goddamn much. His favorite spell is acid splash. He thinks he's owed everything. He's obsessed with one (1) guy that didn't let him have the last word. I could fix him but whatever is wrong with him is funnier ♡ He's doomed to go mad with eldritch knowledge and I'm crossing my fingers Jakobi is the one to kill him ♡

Cyril Nightclaw

- my most recent character! I love him lots! He's inside a horror campaign with vampires!!! Aaah!!!

- he's a dark elf (i forgot the term but they're the ones with Advanced Darkness) and he's sensitive to sunlight. He's a cleric of the grave! He dresses like a plague doctor!! He's a devout follower of Anubis!!! He's literally part of a pyramid scheme!!! This adventure is one of the first times he's been allowed outside of the temples!!!!! He's a hoot i love him.

- i say he's a hoot but mostly because i think he's incredibly endearing. He's stoic, genuine, and blunt. Party says he has autistic swag and i am inclined to agree. Perhaps even make canon.

- his one goal is to Maintain the Balance between life and death, which means that any time he sees an Undead Creature he wants and needs to destroy them on sight. This is made much more difficult because we have a sorcerer in our party that likes necromancy and he likes to bring walking cadavers around a lot. Such is life.

- in the campaign we are tasked with protecting this one lady named Irina bcus the Dracula controlling the region has targeted her as his Bride To Be. Cyril, being so new to the outside world, fell in love with Irina because she's the first pretty lady he's ever seen in his life. So you can see how this further motivates him to destroy The Goddamn Dracula Final Boss That Keeps Showing Up And Trying To Kill Us.

- he has a prosthetic leg because his parents tried to use him as a human sacrifice as a baby but the ritual failed (it did take his leg though). He was left abandoned in the steps of a temple of Anubis during a storm and he drowned. But Anubis revived him so that he may serve him. We love a guy that died once but got better ♡

So that's all!! Will share my powerpoints later!!! u need to see my arts for all of them too!!!!! They all have playlists too bcus i love em.

#ask box #pyrokittensinsuits

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kindaeccentric · 2 years

Text

Oh, my love, don't forsake me

Take what the water gave me

When is a monster not a monster?

Oh, when you love it.

[...]

When is a monster not a monster?

Oh, when you are the reason it has become so mangled.

He came from the sunset

He came from the sea

He came from my sorrow

And can love only me

And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again... AKA sea monsters and their heart wounds, sea as a cruel mistress, queer desires, terrible crimes and drowning, in love, in hate, in liquor

list of used images and fragments + brief commentary for each under the cut

'Moby Dick', a fragment from the end of chapter 44, Ishmael talks about Ahab's obsession with finding the white whale, Herman Melville

My commentary: Ahab's obsession transcends a simple thrill of the hunt, it's not just hate that fuels him, the whale took something from him both literally and metaphorically, his obsession is not unlike the obsession of a scorned lover searching for revenge

'Our Flag Means Death', Backbeard/Edward Teach at the end of episode 10, creator David Jenkins

My commentary: Ed, assuming he had been abandoned by the man he loves, eventually descents into drunkenness, despair and cruelty, he becomes 'The Kraken' again, a monstrous identity he crafted to distance himself from trauma and guilt

'Disco Elysium', a fragment of a screenshot of the text bar in the game describing the effects of blue-lensed glasses, produced by ZA/UM, concept creator Robert Kurvitz

My commentary: Harry, the game's protagonist, experienced a failed relationship that was followed by a period of complete breakdown with disturbing, violent behaviours, in that context water/sea imagery reappears as inherently lonely, but pleasantly escapist

'The Lighthouse', Thomas Wake appears as a sea creature to Winslow, dir. Robert Eggers

My commentary: throughout the film, the tension between the two men is growing, the scene of Winslow beating Wake up comes up after a period of their heavy drinking when the tension, consisting of anxieties over their respective secrets, mutual distaste and desire alike, has a violent resolution

'Disco Elysium', a fragment of a screenshot of the text bar in the game, the protagonists mind tempting him into escapism, produced by ZA/UM, concept creator Robert Kurvitz

My commentary: the entire proposal sounds like a beautiful promise, but can be quite ominous, it could mean drowning, either literally, or metaphorically in alcohol, and the person waiting might be the past lover or even death itself, instead of the closeness and love Harry craves

'What The Water Gave Me', a fragment, Florence and The Machine

My commentary: the song is about a sense of loss and the things that are overwhelming

'The Old Guard', two shots of Quynh in an iron coffin at the bottom of the sea and Andromache preparing herself to fight, dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood

My commentary: Andromache sees herself as monstrous and drinks throughout the film to numb the sense of overwhelming guilt of abandoning the search for her perpetually dying lover stuck drowning in the coffin (additionally Quynh herself becoming monstrous out of resentment towards people as suggested by her comic original, Noriko)

'Start Here', a fragment, Caitlyn Siehl

'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End', Tia Dalma/Calypso and Davy Jones, dir. Gore Verbinski

My commentary: in this scene it's revealed that although they love each other deeply, there is justified resentment between the two, Calypso is far from faithful and Davy Jones became a terrible, cursed man after learning of her betrayal, he's unable to accept her overwhelming, sublime nature and becomes a sea monster himself

'Come Wander With Me', a fragment, Sea Power

'Black Sails', episode XIII, Flint and Thomas' kiss, created by Jonathan E. Steinberg and Robert Levine

My commentary: the series has a running theme of monstrosity, often attributed to pirates, and to Flint, who, indeed, can be violent and unpredictable, but at least part of his actions stem from the despair of losing the man he loved when they were discovered

'Love's Wounds', a fragment, from Sonnets of Dark Love, Federico Garcia Lorca [trans. Paul Archer]'

My commentary: it's worth to acknowledge here Federico Garcia Lorca was murdered, and it is not unlikely that his homosexuality was one of the reasons why he was targeted

'Hannibal', the last shot of the series, after Will and Hannibal fall off the cliff into the sea, creator Brian Fuller

My commentary: the sea loves it's monsters, it welcomed the monstrosity of Hannibal and Will as killers as well as their overwhelming desire for each other, it's the escapist nature of death and drowning in each other, the sea consumes indiscriminately

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rogue-durin-16 · 2 years

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HANDLE THE SITUATION

Request: Can I request an angsty lieb x reader fic in which the reader pushes alley away from the potato masher at crossroads and it hits her instead and like joe is literally dying inside cuz they had been fighting prior to that? Thanks xx

Pairing: Joseph Liebgott x Reader

Genre: angst w/ happy ending

Tags:

Requested by: anon

Band Of Brothers: @sparkyluz @chubbypotatoepie

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @comfort-reads

Warnings: warfare, wounds, blood, language, make out session and I think that's all but you tell me

A/N: I'm starting to go overboard with the one-shots but I refuse to make a series out of everything so enjoy this really long Lieb fic <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"MEDIC!" The word came out of my lungs taking the form of a terror-filled shriek which made everyone in the barn spin in our direction for a split second before taking action.

Lesniewski, who had opened the door for us, was now rushing our fellow comrades to clear the broad table, along with Strohl.

Alley stayed behind, walking with me and eventually helping me lay Y/n down on the wooden surface as carefully as possible. When Moe looked up, I could see guilt plastered all over his stare.

I would have loved to let him know it wasn't his fault, that Y/n had made the choice to take the hit for him —she really was one of a kind—, that she would have done it a thousand times in a heartbeat for any of us, but when I reached for a bandage to cover my own wound and my eyes laid on the lacerated woman, I could only spare my friend a very unfair resentful glare.

I casted down my head once more, this time due to the hitched breath coming from Y/n. I kneeled down by her side while Roe took a good look at the wounds from across the table.

Her eyes were fixed in an indefinite point above us, a single tear running down the upper part of her cheekbone, washing a string of blood on its way. She did not complain while Doc began to clean her wounds— probably due to the shock, but worthy of admiration nonetheless.

"—Joe!" My head snapped at Winters, who stared at me with a concerned frown. Given the looks of the boys, our Captain had called for me more than once. "I asked if you're able to go back."

"Why wouldn't I?" Winters pretended to overlook the unnecessary bitterness in my tone.

"C'mon, then."

"Yes, Sir." My heart skipped a beat when Y/n's trembling fingers brushed my own bandage, through which the blood was beginning to leak. "I'll be back, ya fuckin' dumbass." I whispered, gently pulling her hand away from my neck.

Thank God the shrapnel hadn't reached her eyes, I thought to myself. They were my favorite thing; I loved getting lost in them, the inherent comfort they offered to anyone, the sparkle of mischief they held when she joked around.

As I raised back to my feet in order to part, I was able to fully appreciate the magnitude of the number the potato masher had done on her. Roe had partially cut off her clothes, and the numerous holes in her body were now visible.

I would never get rid of that sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you weren't so far up your ass you'd see—"

"why don't you try and behave civil for once, Liebgott?" She hissed, leaning back as we walked in order for me to hear her low voice.

"You love playin' the bigger person, dontcha?" I sneered, hovering over her from behind without stopping the march, eyes fixed ahead of us. "Little Miss fuckin' Perfect."

She spun around to give me a firm shove, which made me bump into Strohl, who passed us muttering something intelligible. "You're as thick as two short planks and I can't fuckin' stand your pretentious ass." She spat, eyes fiery with rage. "Better like that?"

I didn't even recall how we had gotten there. Something related to a comment I had made about how she was too loud for a scouting mission. It had, like most times, escalated.

Said comment hadn't been meanspirited; on the contrary, what I had intended was to keep Y/n out of it. She had been worn out since Market Garden. I was trying to help her, but she hadn't seen it like that, so there we were, adding fuel to the flames.

"Every word that comes out of your mouth makes my blood boil." I retorted through gritted teeth, suppressing the yells I wanted to shout out.

"You're the most insufferable—"

"Silence! The two of you!" Sergeant Youman scolded us, making our faces turn to him. "You're in the Airborne, not in a school playground." I took in a sharp breath, knowing it was time to keep our mouths shut, as hard as it might be. "Y/l/n, with Alley. Liebgott, with Strohl. Lesniewski, climb that dike, let us know what you see."

"Yes, Sir." Lesniewski whispered, jogging ahead of us to accomplish the task he had been assigned.

I took the chance to overtake Y/n, circling her with my eyes digging on her form. "that's the last time I try to do somethin' nice for ya."

"Somethin' nice— the nerve you have." she seethed, parting ways to meet Alley.

We were all coming together around the dike, positioning ourselves while Lesniewski climbed it. I turned to Y/n, who was already squinting her eyes at me. I was about to mouth some blasphemy at her when something rolled down the slope.

"LIVE GRENADE!" Lesniewski shouted atop of us. Some reacted quicker than others.

"ALLEY, MOVE!" Y/n shouted, propping herself.

"Y/N NO! WAIT—!" Time slowed down, elongating the disastrous moment in my eyes.

Not trusting Alley's response speed, Y/n threw herself to him, surely with the intention to make them both roll away, but there was not enough time left to do so.

With dread, I realized that faster than any of them, and I instinctively reached out to pull Y/n towards me, which earned me a piece of shrapnel in my neck.

"Sonofabitch!" I yelped, thrown back by the pain, taking a hand to the place where the damage had been inflicted. "Fuckin' Krauts!"

Strohl, cussing, informed us the shrapnel had reached the radio; hand grenades thrown by Lesniewski were heard going off at the opposite side of the dike. It wasn't until Youman pulled me up that I didn't see what had happened to Y/n.

Alley was her upper body, which laid limply on the grass, to rest on his thighs. "Fuck..." I crouched by them, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

In the darkness of the night, We could barely discern anything, but Alley, after looking for Y/n's pulse, affirmed she was alive; I bent to check her breathing, too, and felt it fanning my cheek.

"Hey, Y/n." I called for her, catching a glimpse of the wounds due to the glistening spots of blood all over her left side that seemed to grow wider. I prayed for that to be a nasty trick of my imagination. "I'm gonna get ya outta here—" I jumped over her and snaked my forearms under her knees ans shoulder blades. "c'mon, sweetheart, upsa-daisy!"

As I pulled us both up, a weak whimper escaped her lips. Her eyes were still open when her face constricted in agony due to the pain; I knew she thought she was dying by the grip her hand had on my jacket, making my heart stammer in terror.

At some point in our rushed way to CP, I thought she was dying, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

It had been... Three days? Maybe four? I wasn't certain; most of my time at the aid station, excepting Alley's visit, had been spent either under the effects of morphine or sleeping.

All I knew was that it was daytime, and that I hated the rays of sunlight that snuck into the aid station and dazzled my eyes, stopping me from catching a glimpse of Liebgott entering and walking up to my bed until he was by my side.

His visit would have taken me more aback if Moe hadn't spilled the beans to me when he had dropped by. Luckily for Joe, I had been too intoxicated to pick up on everything, but I had gotten a grasp of the basics.

'you should've seen his face, he was 'boutta murder me.' 'I think he cried while he carried you all the way back' 'he appreciates you more than you think.'

"Hey." He cleared his throat, hands on his pockets, scanning my frame and making a stop on my damaged side. "How are ya?"

"Alive." My voice was raspy from the lack of use. "How do I look?"

He frowned, his lips pressed in a tight line. "Like a pretty version of Frankenstein."

"Frankenstein's the doctor, Lieb." I smugly corrected him. "It's the details that matter."

"Smartass."

There was an instant of silence preceding my inquiry. "Your neck?"

"Just a scratch." He dismissed, taking a look around.

He was completely out of his comfort zone, so obviously not knowing what to do or how to act; I would have been the same, but my judgement was slightly clouded by the remainings of the drugs in my body, giving me a carefree attitude.

"You think I look pretty, huh?"

"What?"

"You said—"

"Pretty version of Frankenstein." He did his best to ride out the situation I was intentionally driving us into. "It's the details that matter, right Y/l/n?"

"Ha. ha." I spared him an observing glance; his eyes were fixed on his boots while he seemed to debate what he should say and how.

"Ya know," he inhaled, scrunching his nose. "If you'd kept your pretty mouth shut when I said you shouldn't go on the patrol—"

"Shut up, Liebgott." I cut him off before he could start a fight. I had one shot to take this conversation where I wanted to, and he wasn't going to ruin it with his poor management of emotions. "That's two 'pretty's in a row."

"So what?" He spat.

"Nothin'." I shrugged, attempting and failing to hold back a devilish smirk at his defensive stance. "Alley said I gave you quite a scare." I tested the waters, throwing my forearm over my eyes in order to block the light that threatened to worsen my headache.

"Alley should shut the fuck up." I heard his steps, and assumed he had either stepped back or attempted to pace. "Where the hell are you drivin' up with this, Y/n?"

"I'm just havin' a conversation." I blatantly lied, not wanting to be straightforward just yet. "After the blast I went deaf on this side for a hot minute." My seemingly random statement helped him ease up. "Y'know what's the last thing I heard?"

'Y/N, WAIT—!'

The words echoed in my head every now and then. It had been a desperate cry out, followed by a tug on my boot. The tone in which they were shouted made me feel sorry for Liebgott.

"I—" I peeked at him. He looked like a deer caught on headlights. "I- I don't care. I just came to check you weren't dead or somethin'." He hesitated, huffed, ran his hand through his locks and muttered something under his breath before declaring, "Shouldn't've come. Fuck this."

I couldn't stop him from walking out, and in all honesty, I wasn't sure if I would have tried to. Thinking about it, I myself didn't quite know if what I was attempting to do was a good idea, at least in that setting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Y/n Y/l/n, back for more!" Some of the boys who were smoking near the barracks turned at the sound of my name, coming from Talbert, who lost no time to come greet me once I arrived at Mourmelon among a group of replacements.

"Hey, Tab." a genuine smile danced on my face; the aid station had been hell on earth, and, as crazy as it sounded, I had been dying to head back to Easy.

"Pretty face you got there, Y/n." George commented, vaguely pointing at all the carefully stitched wounds on my left side.

"It's still better than yours." I responded, shaking his hand, much like I had shaken Talbert's. Scanning the group of veterans, I locked eyes with Liebgott. Once I had caught him staring, it took him less than a second to throw his cigarette to the ground and walk away from the group.

"Just in time for the weekend passes, huh?"

"Yeah just in time— will you excuse me, boys?" I requested absentmindedly before marching through them.

"Don't step into any potato mashers, kid!"

"I'll try, Martin!" I responded with a soft laugh before hurrying my steps. "Hey." I sighed when Liebgott, instead of stopping, began to walk faster. "Hey!" After a brief jog, I managed to reach him, giving his forearm a tug. "Where's the fire, Liebgott?"

He came to a halt, sighing before turning around. "Shouldn't you be in a hospital or somethin'?"

"I went AWOL." I explained.

He stared at me dumbfounded with an incomprehensible look on his face. "Go back to the hospital or I'll report you." And with that threat, he spun back and resumed his walk.

"Excuse me?" I couldn't help but snort at the incoherence of his words, trailing after him. "You'll get me sanctioned 'cause what? you don't wanna see me? Very mature."

"I don't wanna see you HURT!" He shouted, suddenly rotating whilst gesticulating wildly. "That's what I don't wanna see! You fuckin' IDIOT!" His voice cracked and I couldn't tell if it was due to the anger or triggered by something else he couldn't quite handle. "You could've let Alley take the blow but NO! You had to be as fuckin' selfless as always!" It was definitely something else, it was fear. It shone in his orbs, making them glassy. "Seein' you all holed was the worst thing in the f—" There was an instant of silence in which he took in a sharp breath, trying hard to get a hold of himself while I stared perplexed. "I— you were—" his eyes drifted away from mines, getting lost not in a place but in a thought, and suddenly the fear in them started to slide down his cheekbones. "FUCK!"

I averted my gaze, in order to give him a moment to compose himself, in which I dismissed a couple of privates who had come to check what the yelling was.

Once he had wiped the tears away and seemed to be in a better state, I spoke. "I signed up for this, Joe." As uncomfortable as I was, I tried my best to sound somewhat gentle, yet firm.

He shook his head no, eyes casted on the ground, arms akimbo. "What am I supposed to do if you throw yourself in front of another grenade?" He questioned, finally looking up.

"What am I supposed to do if you do that?" I retorted. "You think I don't know how you got the shrapnel in your neck?" He huffed, pulling out his lighter and another cigarette from his pocket before doing a half turn.

And then I said something I should have, because he was leaving once more and I didn't know how else to make him stay.

"Alley told me how you feel about me!" Mistake or not, it made him stop walking. "This is not the way you wanna handle the situation, Joe."

"Y/n. I don't wanna handle the situation." He spoke in a whisper, as if he was afraid someone else would hear us. "You're the most reckless person in the whole fucking battalion, if I handle the situation and you die, I dunno what I'm gonna do with myself." Liebgott explained, pointing at me with the hand he held the cigarette in. "And Alley's a blabbermouth, he had no reason to tell you that."

"Joe," I frowned. "Y'know how I feel about you?"

"Y/N, don't go there." He warned me, shaking his head 'no'. "I said I don't wanna handle the situation. We'll pretend Moe kept his mouth shut."

"So we wait 'til another grenade goes off?" He took a drag of his cigarette, examining the wall besides us. "We just wait 'til— can you look at me when I'm talkin'?"

Letting out a frustrated grunt, I stalked to him until only a few inches were left in between us, tearing the cigarette away from his hand and throwing it to the ground before taking a hold of his cheeks and forcing him to look at me.

"I fuckin' appreciate you. A lot. You have no idea, alright?" I stated firmly, letting go of his face to point my index at him. "And I'm not gonna wait until you're dead to handle it— 'cause guess what, you idiotic jerk?! You're as reckless as I am!"

The corner of his lip twitched up in the most subtle way— so subtle that I would have thought I had imagined it, had it not been for his words.

"You want me to handle the situation?"

"Yes, I want you to fuckin' handle the—" he slapped my index finger away before closing the gap between us, cupping my cheeks in order to hold me steady once our mouths met.

It was a hungry kiss, sloppy and impatient; teeth clashing and pants slipping in between, our hands fought with one another's layers of clothing, desperately pulling each other impossibly closer.

At some point, between Liebgott backing me against the wall and my hands finding their way under his shirt, a very clear thought crossed my mind.

This is not how we should handle the situation.

I took advantage of the moment Joe put some distance between our lips in order to catch a breath to speak my mind.

"We gotta work on this." I announced in a breathless whisper, slipping my hands out of Joe's clothing while he let go of my thigh, which he had pulled up. "This— I don't think this is how we should handle it."

"Yeah," he agreed, equally out of breath. "We'll... We'll learn to handle it." His words were for his own assurance more than they were for mine, but they still did the trick.

"With time." I gave him a small smile, relocating his shirt and jacket back in place for him not to get cold. "We'll get a hold of it."

"Y/n?" I hummed, cueing him to keep talking. "If you throw yourself in front of another grenade—"

"I'll try not to." A coy grin made its way to my face while we gazed into each other's eyes. "What made you change your mind?"

"You're extra hot when you lose your temper." He half joked, leering at me, which earned him a playful shove. He let out a soft laugh, giving me a sweet kiss before pulling me into a tight hug that I quickly reciprocated. "Don't get hurt again." He whispered against my hair.

"Same goes to you." I responded, planting a kiss on his shoulder.

There was a moment of comfortable silence which was broken by Joe's words. "Y'know, I don't really know how to handle the situation but" he pulled away. "I think going out on a date is not a bad start."

"Any suggestions?" I questioned with eager eyes.

"They're gonna be a movie playing at the camp this evenin'." He suggested, picking another cigarette from the packet in his pocket and handing me another one before beginning to walk.

"I like the sound of that." I responded, thanking him for the smoke and joining him in his march.

"The cinema it is." He gave me a side look, a content smile dancing on his lips while he lit his own cigarette and then mine.

We would handle the situation.

#joe liebgott x reader #joe liebgott #joe liebgott angst #joe liebgott fanfiction #joseph liebgott x reader #joseph liebgott imagine #joseph liebgott angst #joe liebgott request #ross mccall #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers #hbo war #band of brothers fandom #moe alley #crossroads #bob request #hbo miniseries #hbo war fic #joseph liebgott

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prophxtslash · 3 years

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Hi there! So a while ago, you posted your thoughts on how certain survivors would thirst over slasher - reader. I absolutely loved them! If you’re interested, can you please share your thoughts on Leon, Felix, Kate, and Jill thirsting over slasher reader? If not, please feel free to disregard my ask!

Of course I can! I was going to link the others here to read as well, but I'm lazy lol

Killer!Reader

Leon Kennedy

Like many survivors within this predicament, Leon is in vehement denial over the ordeal. Being as someone who has a high set of morals, the idea of having any semblance of attraction towards a ‘killer’ leaves the young cop nauseous, his conscience screaming at him to snap out of this lovesick stupor.

When in trials with you, Leon has a hard time doing his job properly, fumbling with wires and needles when within your radius, a slight flush to his ears as he forces the feeling down, the need to protect the others trumping any attraction towards you. However, whenever he is the last one standing, his feet trip over themselves and his eyes dart back to you more, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

Leon wallows quite a bit, agonizing over his descending sanity and moral code, and even though many other survivors (especially those who have been here for far too long) assure him that this is actually quite normal, he continues to beat himself up over it. Nights at the campfire alone consist of fingers pressed hard against his scalp, head hung low and knees pulled flush against his chest.

Eventually, everyone gets found out in the end, and Leon is no exception. You’ll have to quite literally corner him into an admission, his breath uneven and hot as he presses against the wall, his eyes darting to everywhere but you. Force the words out of him, through any means, and he’ll be left a crumbling, shattered mess for you.

Felix Richter

While others may struggle with this type of attraction due to morals and the like, with Felix, it’s a bit more complicated, given that he not only ‘technically’ still has a girlfriend, but also a child, so initially, the guilt of practically abandoning them plagues him

Had it been another survivor he was engaging with in this sense, it wouldn’t have been as bad, but given that you’re one of the many responsible for a large part of the suffering he and the others undergo, Felix can’t help but feel even worse. This is a person who hurts and even kills him on a daily basis, yet here is wishing to be closer to them. He’s disgusted with himself, disgusted for his family even, yet he can’t bring himself to pull away.

When in trials with you, Felix tends to keep a level head, putting the objectives ahead of whatever feelings he may be harboring towards you. However, when alone with you, he sometimes slips up, wires becoming tangled and pallets barely slammed down, his body taking over for what his mind cannot keep up with.

Every chase (or lack thereof) must come to an end, so when you’re finally able to corner him, to get up close and personal, Felix falters, his eyes locked onto some horizon right above your shoulder, his fists curling and uncurling.

Kate Denson

Kate has been here far too long; hell, she still remembers the time where it was only her and a handful of others. As such, being in the Realms for too long changes you, changes the way you feel. Once a realization is made, Kate more or less shrugs; if it helps cope with this hell, then why not?

Kate, regardless of whatever may be bothering her, is always able to pull through for both herself and others within trials. If anything, this constant routine of surviving and dying has become second nature, her mind wandering to you and what you may be up to even when in the middle of chase, or even when dangling from a meat hook. This almost daydreaming of you offers a temporary escape from the uncertainty that is the realms; regardless of how inherently wrong it is.

In a sick way, her fascination with you stems from a desire to help you; that if someone were to simply listen or even just be there, you’d turn away from the darkness, so to speak. She believes that you’re not inherently evil, yet not inherently good either; she believes you’ve just been presented with no other options.

Unlike others, Kate would actively seek you out within your realm, the pressure from keeping this fascination secret building up. Whatever outcome is reached, she is ready for, and should you readily accept her admission, she’d dedicate herself to you, determined to save you from both the Entity and yourself.

Jill Valentine

Where Leon crumbles and agonizes, Jill refuses to even acknowledge the swelling feelings within her, forcibly shoving it down to never see the light of day. Sure, she’ll internally beat herself up about it, but not another soul will ever know that she’s weak enough to fall prey to this.

As such, trials come and go, and Jill never falters, never sways when faced against you. It could even be said that she does better when against you, her need to dominate and beat you trumping all else. If she can’t beat these stupid feelings out of her, it’s enough for her to glance back and see you seethe in the exit gates, your knuckles taut against your weapon as you watch her escape.

Should she even dwell on her fascination for you for even a moment, Jill will plummet, her mind immediately swallowing up any interaction the two of you had shared from previous trials, from the smallest, brush of your hand against her back to your face inches from hers, her vision going in and out as you tear into her body, the meat hook laying barren a few inches away. These desperate pleas for intimacy leaves her rabid, leaves her curling further and further into herself.

Much like the others, you’ll have to force Jill into submission, the meat hook piercing her shoulder in one plunge, your ears ringing from the shrillness of her scream. Force every obscenity, curse, and yell from her, and eventually, you’ll be gifted an uncharacteristic quiet, her shoulders sagging as her admission comes out in a whisper. After this, she’s broken and malleable, leaving you to do with this new found relationship as you please.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #felix richter #felix richter x reader #kate denson #kate denson x reader #jill valentine #jill valentine x reader #dbd x reader #dbd headcanons #prophet writes #prophet answers #fwooo this one's a long one boys sorry bout that

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thegeminisage · 3 years

Text

my secret galaxy brain reading of spn s11 is better than yours

or: why season 11 is good actually. this is a long-ass meta, so it's going behind the cut

some disclaimers before we get going

absolutely all of this is accidental. nobody does this shit on purpose. this is ~my interpretation~ or whatever. i'm not actually trying to argue the writers meant to do this lol. what i'm saying is that this is the way to make season 11 make sense in your brain because it makes sense in mine and it's one of my FAVORITES. it could be one of your favorites too if you stop limiting yourself

there is heavy discussion of sexual violence in this meta so read safely etc also spoilers for all of s11 obviously

unless you watched the anime, i've seen more supernatural than you have, so i'm right >:)

for the uninitiated, the basic plot of season 11 is that eons and eons ago, before there was heaven or hell or earth or humans or angels, there was only god (chuck) and the darkness (amara). amara kept destroying what god made, so he and the archangels locked her away in a cage, which removing the mark of cain from dean's arm opened. amara escaped and dean was the first thing she saw, so she spends the season using some kind of thrall over him to make him feel drawn to her and unable to hurt her, and also looking for chuck so she can give him a little payback.

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO

season 11 & sexual violence

you don't need to look very far to find examples of sexualized violence and outright sexual violence on supernatural, but s11 is lousy with it. just to name a few examples:

amara's "thrall" on dean, which we will absolutely get into more later

crowley's jokes about altar boys and the tastes of catholic priests

ALLLLL the pedophile jokes made when crowley was raising baby amara

angels torturing cas and threatening to cut his genitals off, only to send in hannah (an angel who formerly had unrequited romantic/sexual feelings for him) to play good cop(/honeypot??) in hopes of making him talk

the return of lucifer, who possessed sam (spn has a history of equating possession and sexual violence) and is heavily implied to have raped sam in hell, and the MULTIPLE times he menaces sam throughout this season, including forcibly touching his soul

lucifer possessing castiel and using him to enact violence on the winchesters, his loved ones

i absolutely REFUSE to acknowledge the lucifer/crowley stuff but if you know you know

the episode with the kissing curse, using "love" as a means to deliver death

dean's possession in the soul eater episode

the "chitters" monsters involving mating, orgies, and forcible impregnation

you get the idea

i could write a whole essay on almost all of these but for this post we'll be sticking mostly to dean & amara

@marcusantonius pointed out while we were watching season 11 that what amara does to dean is basically speedrun his two major attachments - sam and castiel. she starts out as a baby, someone in need of protection, and quickly grows into an adult who attempts to romance/seduce him. the feelings dean has around amara aren't feelings FOR HER, they're feelings he has for SAM AND CAS that are being TRANSFERRED onto her through means of her power. (this is important for later.)

what amara does to dean is sexualized violence bordering on outright sexual assault. compelling him to feel drawn towards her and to protect her, frequently getting in his personal space and touching his face, and even kissing more than once when he is quite literally unable to resist (it's stated many times that he is unable to kill or even harm her, so he is completely helpless in the presence of someone who makes no secret of her intentions for him, sexual or otherwise).

dean says many times that what he feels for amara is not love or desire or attraction. he can't put a name to it at all - not once in the entire series is he able to properly define this thrall she has over him, which leaves us the audience a little confused (amara asking "what IS happening between us?" in 11.06 as a teenager making sexual advances on a grown man does give me a good laugh, because it was written SO WEIRDLY)... BUT we know that it is definitely sexual in nature, and not at all something dean wants to be happening.

this is addressed kind of strangely in 11.13. the villain of the week is a witch moonlighting as a hairdresser, who puts a kissing curse on her clients. the curse must be passed along like a hot potato - if you kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. if they kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. but eventually, a monster called a qareen will show up in the form of "your deepest desire" and kill you, and work its way backwards to the original curse-ee. in the episode, dean kisses the vic (i'll point out this was also technically done w/o her consent, though it was a very businesslike kiss) to put the curse on himself and protect her. the qareen takes the form of amara, and she gives Dean this little speech:

Qareen!Amara: You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it's cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it? Just give in.

then, at the end of the episode, after dean reveals who the qareen was for him, we get this conversation between sam and dean:

Dean: You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire? Sam: She isn't? Dean: No! She can’t be! Sam: Why not? Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I'm… Sam: Means you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah. Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She's the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I'm not.

the "shame" part of both of these is really what stuck out to me - the word itself isn't in the second passage, but dean's vibes are absolutely filled with shame. to me, this always read as being shame about the sexual violence and about the complicity/weakness that "allowed" that violence to happen.

and as a reminder, sam is just a few episodes past the confrontation with his own rapist (he returns to the cage to speak with lucifer in 11.09 & 11.10, and canonically struggles with what happened there even after the confrontation ends). sam made a point earlier in this episode of making sure the victim of the curse knew it wasn't her fault her husband died, but the fault of the witch who cast the curse. sam is VERY emotionally intelligent, and i honestly believe that he was speaking as one survivor of sexual violence to another here. what he's telling dean is something victims often need to be reminded of: it's not your fault. you weren't complicit, or weak. you didn't have a choice. you don't deserve blame or judgment.

we've had bad guys make sexual threats at both dean and sam many times before this and a few more times after, but as far as i can recall, this is the only conversation in the entire series that even attempts to address the impact of that particular kind of violence on dean. it's short, and strangely written, but nonetheless: there it is.

season 11 & the dean in the closet

for the purposes of this post, i'm not going to go through the entire series and find examples to try and prove dean is bi and has feelings for cas. if you don't believe that then what are you doing here? we're skipping to the goods.

actually, i always got annoyed at people who read the fake-amara's speech in 11.13 (or any of the other times people spoke about dean's shame regarding amara) as being about dean's sexuality, because in my mind it was ABSOLUTELY about his being a victim of sexual violence, which was far more important to me, as it is discussed far less often.

BUT, knowing what we know now (that cas was always canonically in love with dean, and it's all but canon that dean really was bisexual), i'm willing to entertain another notion:

Sam: ...you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah.

the "evil" bit never really sat right with me as part of the narrative of sexual violence, aside from touching on dean's general self-loathing, but it fits the narrative of being closeted MUCH better. dean, a self-hating homophobic bisexual, would probably use a similar word, if not something heavy as "evil," to describe the way he feels about other men. it's a malevolent feeling. (if you're like me and ascribe to the jackles headcanon that dean resorted to turning tricks to make food money when he was underage, we could also consider the extremely fucked up fact that almost every queer man dean's ever met is someone who hurt him.)

dean is ashamed of who and what he is, and the way he feels about cas. living like that, that's violence. he lives violently day in and day out with that feeling. (and amara knows it. it's worth nothing that she uses cas to communicate with dean MULTIPLE times in this season, both by carving messages on his body and psychically, through his own connection to dean - and when dean "betrays" her to rescue casifer, she's horrified at whatever she sees in his head.)

equating sexual violence to the violence of being closeted

but what's amazing about this weird badly-written little 11.13 conversation (and indeed, the season-long plotline of dean and his shame) is that we don't HAVE to assign it to the purposes of being about sexual violence OR about being closeted. it can be and IS both.

my favorite reading of this is that BEING IN THE CLOSET IS INHERENTLY A VIOLENT AND TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. many of the same feelings are involved: shame, guilt, self-loathing. sam's comforting words to dean - that he will not be blamed or judged - are equally applicable in both cases. dean is a victim of sexual violence, and he is also in the closet, and both of these experiences are traumatic ones, and they are intermingled with each other in a big way (again, if you're into dean-turned-tricks headcanon, they are intermingled INSEPERABLY - the sexual violence being one of the direct causes of dean not wanting to accept or address his own sexuality).

the bait-and-switch

the real galaxy brain moment of this whole thing begins at the end of 11.22 (an otherwise lackluster episode that played sam's lucifer trauma for laughs how dare they ugh god whatever that's off-topic but i HATE IT) when amara and chuck finally have the confrontation she's been fighting all season for. she is attacked by witches, demons, angels, and then stabbed by lucifer himself, before she's finally on her knees before chuck, and then we get this little exchange:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything. Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed into that cage alone and afraid...

maybe you already know where i'm going with this. a cage isn't so different from a closet when we're working with metaphors, right?

amara talks about her grievances with chuck many times throughout season 11 - that he was spoiled, that he created the earth to stroke his ego, that he couldn't handle her as she was. and once he finally makes his appearance he tells it his own way - that he had no choice but to lock amara away, that she couldn't stand the things and people he made, that he did it to protect people. but something about THIS conversation in particular - even though it's not written into the dialogue - gives me a particular kind of vibe.

there is something innately, unspeakably WRONG with amara. i don't mean unspeakable as in very bad, i mean unspeakable as in LITERALLY undefinable. it's just like dean being unable to put a name to the pull she has over him. no one talks directly at it or about it, they go in circles around it, but facts are facts: amara simply couldn't be allowed to exist as she was because there was just something innately wrong with her. and it's this conversation in particular, the first one they have together onscreen, that really slams that feeling home for me.

the entire time chuck and amara are talking, the camera repeatedly cuts to dean - he is so visibly upset that the first time i watched this, i was certain he was about to jump into the middle of things and put himself between the two of them. we're meant to believe that dean has trouble hearing this because he "cares" about amara, but i have a different take.

i think it's empathy. real, actual empathy - not the kind of feeling that amara had to force out.

stay with me here. eventually, after chuck tries to lock amara away again, she gets her second wind, attacks him, and leaves him for dead - and as he dies, the sun dies with him, and so too does all life on earth.

in the following episode, the finale, amara finds her way to a park, where she takes in god's creation, visibly upset as she realizes that his flowers die at her touch (again, hammering home the point that there is something innately wrong with her that means she cannot live in this world), and eventually speaks with an old lady feeding the birds.

Woman: Do you want to feed them? Amara: I shouldn't. Woman: I've been feeding these birds going on 20 years now. They're practically family. And I know that makes me sound like a crazy old bat, but...heck. My husband died a couple of years ago, and my son keeps slipping me these brochures for retirement communities - a.k.a. where they send old folks to die, but not to make a fuss about it. Amara: So you hate him. Woman: Well, a little bit. Sometimes. But you know family. Even when you hate them, you still love them.

this speech brings tears to amara's eyes. what's more, she spends this entire section with her hands in her lap. after a season of killing her way through humanity to get god's attention, she is afraid to touch these birds for fear of killing them. she feels empathy for them. she and dean are connected, after all - so as soon as he began to feel true, genuine empathy - so did she.

when dean shows up to kill amara (via a bomb made out of souls hidden in his chest), she immediately clocks his plan. she practically dares him to do it, and - he can't. he is, as always, helpless against her.

what dean does instead is talk to her. more importantly, he listens to her. when she says her brother sent dean here to execute her, he tells her chuck actually didn't want this - that it was actually his very last resort. he asks her if this, the death of everything, is what she wanted, and she tells him all she really wanted was payback. again, dean EMPATHIZES:

Dean: Yeah, that's revenge. It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great... for about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam, we have had our fair share of fights—more than our share. But no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got—family. Now you might be a—an all-powerful being...but I think you're human where it counts. You simply need your brother.

what's really neat about this section, and the scene before it where amara confronts her brother, is that they mark the first times dean felt any sort of genuine emotion for amara at all - one that she didn't force out of him or one that he felt for someone else that she just took for herself. dean genuinely EMPATHIZES with her - after everything she's done to him and his loved ones, and to the people on earth, dean sees the humanity in her. that's kind of his and sam's M.O., loving monsters into men - the number of non-human adversaries who eventually became allies because of the winchesters’ empathy or liking for them or even just their influence is staggering. cas, gabriel, meg, benny, crowley, rowena, metatron, to name a few off the top of my head - and now amara.

and then we get THIS:

Dean: You don't want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me... 'cause I'm not him.

(emphasis mine)

and here's my galaxy brain take: dean empathizes with amara - TRULY empathizes with her - because they're both queer (or queer-coded).

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS NUTS BUT LISTEN. this weird creepy stalkery hetero "romance" was fake on both sides all along. dean and amara are the same. that unspeakable and innate wrongness lives in both of them. they're self-loathing and furious at god for his failures and callousness, outcasts in a world that isn't for them, a world that has HURT them simply on account of them being what they are. the violence done to amara was done to her BECAUSE of this unspeakable wrongness about her - her queerness, or her queer-codedness - and we already decided this was, for the purposes of this season, functionally the same violating and traumatic experience as sexual violence.

amara's been using dean to try and replace chuck this entire season. it's some weird comphet bullshit tied in with the fact that dean was the first part of chuck's creation she ever saw. it stands to reason then that she was trying to force dean to be with her and love her the way she wanted to force CHUCK to be with her. that's part of why she started life as a baby - as someone he'd protect as he did his own sibling.

so in some weird, warped, very roundabout way, amara was enacting on dean the violence that chuck enacted on her - making him feel the same shame and weakness that chuck made HER feel when he locked her away eons ago. if amara unknowingly replaced chuck with dean, then she also unknowingly took part of her revenge on him. the only way she knew how to love someone was to force them to do it, because the only ways she had ever been loved until now involved violence - until dean and his moment of genuine empathy.

consider this final speech:

Dean: Maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can't. Maybe if I pull this trigger, we all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter, because maybe there's a different way. So I'm gonna ask you again. Put aside the rage. Put aside the hate. And you tell me...what do you want?

dean is the only person in BILLIONS of years to ask her this! one queer to another! and it turns out that and all she wanted - the ONLY thing she needed - was to be understood and accepted by her family. immediately after this, amara summons chuck to their park, and the two of them talk it out in what is genuinely a very moving scene. amara - perhaps because of her connection with dean, perhaps because she's finally admitted to herself that she does still love her brother - sees the beauty in the world now, and feels love for it, and she doesn't want to destroy it anymore.

and at the end, after she's made her peace with god, and the sun has been turned back on, amara says:

Amara: Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.

and what do we get at the end of this episode? mary winchester, risen from her grave. dean's family. and - SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 - though at first mary rejects dean (and sam) as being the same children she remembers from 1983, after a long and rocky road, at the end of the season, they eventually come to a reconciliation where she sees them for who they truly are. it's never ABOUT being queer because this show uses the fucking hays code when it comes to dean's sexuality, but it's still about being queer!!

dean gave amara what she needed - acceptance from her family - and she gave him that back in turn. all it took, the entire time, was one SHRED of empathy from one queer to another. all dean had to do was recognize her - REALLY recognize her - not as a replacement for sam or cas but as who she really was. and he saw himself in her, and the empathy that followed was genuine because it was the most natural thing in the world. in the end neither dean nor amara needed the "romance" they thought they did/were forced to want. they never did. they only needed acceptance and understanding.

supernatural is always about family and the power of love, and this season is no exception.

other great parts of season 11

if you're still not convinced, season 11 is full of other things that make it amazing:

GOD'S RETURN. after SIX YEARS he's back, this is canon, we finally get to hear what he has to say. they did more with him in a handful of episodes in this season than all of season 15

also, something else returns after six years. i'll give you a hint: it glows hot in god's presence. it was last seen being dropped into a motel trash can.

and of course the big one: lucifer and sam. what great callbacks to seasons 4-6 when lucifer and what he did to sam in hell was actually scary and mattered a lot! lucifer returns to being scary in this and i can't get enough of it.

this is also inseparable from sam's arc involving his faith - he begins praying again, having visions again, and is GUTTED when those prayers and visions lead him back to the place of his worst trauma. he gets to MEET GOD this season. it's fucking insane

the inherent melodrama of castiel, someone loved and trusted by the winchesters, being possessed by someone who they hate and who has hurt them. you get all of the sam drama with him accidentally trusting lucifer with his soul and his brother's life, and all the dean drama where he watches the devil run around in his boyfriend. also, misha collins does an uncanny impression of mark pellegrino. it's actually really creepy

somehow, they managed to make metatron, a deeply hated villain by all, ACTUALLY LIKEABLE. for TWO whole episodes. it was NUTS

this season starts off rowena's long arc with lucifer and her lucifer trauma that eventually becomes the catalyst of her bonding so profoundly with sam <3 best friends forever <333

sam and dean bond with a pair of canonically gay hunters who DON'T DIE

billie is introduced in this season and she's super hot and cool and awesome

eileen is also introduced in this season. her arc mirrors sam's so well, it's SO good. i never though i'd care about sam and a girl who wasn't jess, but i care about them SO MUCH it makes me insane. if you don't love eileen you're wrong!

anyway, watch season 11. it's weird but it's really fucking good. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[spn masterpost]

#supernatural #dean winchester #amara #supernatural meta #destiel #in a roundabout way #i needed a 5th tracked tag lol #i stayed up ALL NIGHT writing this but im gonna be a smartie and schedule it to go up at noon when ppl are awake #liz watches spn #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #liz makes stuff #long post #just in case the cut fails #this meta really is 3800 words long lol #as a bonus it was implied in late season 10 that amara is the older sibling #even though they retconned it and made them twins later #like amara and dean are both eldest sisters.......

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emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

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kissing away tears - from the kissing prompt :') ❤️

*tents my fingers while I smirk* You wish for the wolf man and dragon man to kiss, do you? Well, I can most certainly oblige! >:D

***

Crestwood was a nightmare. The undead that rose and terrorized the villagers, their meager fortifications unable to stop wave after wave of shambling flesh and demonic apparitions as death weakened the Veil more and more. The unrelenting downpour, rain soaking into Solas' clothing, not even his hood protected him from such a deluge. A clap of lightning before the bolt landed only a few yards away from the one leading their wet and downtrodden party, emerald and gold eyes flashing white from such intensity, but an ivory, tattooed visage didn't even flinch before long legs would resume their march, unshaken.

Yes, Crestwood was indeed a nightmare, but prior circumstances had made it a literal terror as they had just left the Fens; the vast expanse once home to a dragon. A dragon much like the one just in front of Solas, body mortal, but soul deeply intertwined with the majestic creature they had just killed.

Solas kept his eyes glued on a broad back, searching for any signs of tremors or concealed injuries. The fight had been hairy, even he had been caught unawares at times as the dragon swiveled and screeched in aggravation and...fear, sharpened claws muddied, but glistening, ebbing eyes darting around in confusion and bewilderment, but Solas knew how Fane would hide his pain, his sorrow and rage. And that was precisely what his heart was doing now as they approached Caer Bronach.

"Cassandra, you deal with the report to Skyhold. I'm finished for today.", Fane's gruff voice came forth, steady, but Solas could hear the strain in it as a gloved hand waved at the taciturn woman, issuing for her to go on.

Solas frowned a bit at that, but he knew Fane often times deferred to others when it came to matters with the Inquisition. After all, his dragon had never wanted the position, and he could not fault that disinterest, understanding all too well the burden of command and the stress that followed with it. However, this wasn't just simple deferral; this was the beginning of disassociation, a strategy used more than any flank, any pincer in his dragon's employ.

Emerald and gold was flat, the two colors steady like a still pond, silent and eerie. Ivory, freckled skin was glistening with rain, smudged with dirt and blood of kin, but it was impassive, hard as ice. Broad shoulders were hitched slightly upwards, shielding an inherently strong body as the mind it bore teetered precariously. Fane, for all intents and purposes, was lost in his mind, and in no place to do the menial work of reports and maintenance.

"I believe it would be best if you composed the report, Inquisitor.", the Seeker said as she trudged past both he and Fane, only sparing a glance in Solas' direction as if to say, 'Do not defend him this time.' "It is your responsibility. It has been a tiring day, for all of us, but we all must do our part."

Solas understood the message in a stern face and brown eyes, as well as the short lesson on responsibility, but both were duly noted, nothing more as he strode up to where Fane was standing, his two toned eyes fixed on the stone walls of the fortress as they entered the gates. He frowned further at that, taking his place next to the Elvhen dragon and lightly brushing his hand against a wet, gloved one to say, 'I am here.' Fane's own only lightly twitched in response, face impassive, eyes not once acknowledging him.

This was not good. Disconnection from the scene was in order before indifference turned to furious retribution.

"The report will be written, Seeker.", Solas told the human woman, shooting a glance in her direction as to if to convey his own message of, 'Enough. This is not the time.' There would be time for filigree and ink later, but not now, the tension in the air electrifying much like the storm was. "We all require rest, including the Inquisitor."

"Skyhold must know about the dr--"

"And they shall.", Solas snapped out slightly, firmly reigning in his temper to keep up the facade of coolness much like the rain kissing his skin. He could feel his emotions bubbling, and that had much to do with the wall of a man next to him, a hint of gold ringing around emerald eyes. Yes, this was not an opportune time for logistics or pointless arguments. "I apologize for my tone, Seeker, but I believe the Inquisitor and I will be retiring without reporting."

With that Solas took a hold of Fane's hand, the slightly larger appendage barely twitching as he wrapped his fingers around it. He heard a scoff and grumble, but he paid it no mind as he began to guide the stoic dragon away from the eye of the storm, both figuratively and metaphorically, the two of them entering an adjacent door, free of the rain and thunder.

"Vhenan..", Solas began, voice quiet, but still echoing slightly against stone and emptiness. He positioned himself in front of Fane, connecting gazes with the still stoic man, his lips pressed hard, his eyes distant and hazy, but quietly glistening. "Are you alright?" He knew the answer, but he had to press, to make a mind reopen its door before it burst like the dams outside.

"...I killed another one, Solas.", Fane said after a few moments of dead silence, voice deep, despairing as emerald and gold's sheen heightened. "I..I killed another one..", he reiterated, baritone cracking, timbre trembling with guilt.

Solas frowned, gingerly taking a step forward to close the distance between them. He reached up with steady, albeit damp, hands, taking hold of sharp, pale jaw, feeling it trembling with the urge not to break. He sighed a bit, sorrow lacing his heart, as well as guilt, but he had to be strong for his dragon, for his heart.

"You had no other choice, ma'isenatha.", Solas soothed, smiling slightly as Fane leaned into his hands greedily, emerald and gold disappearing as lids squeezed shut with an influx of emotions. The mind was open again, its locked hatches swinging open to bade the waters flow.

And they did, as small, but steady tears began to escape from tightly shut eyes, quiet, choked sobs sounding from hardly pressed lips as Fane reached up to grip Solas' wrists, trying find something to ground him, to steady his vessel amid the storm. The salty spray of glistening tears had Solas' heart squeezing tight, reservation thrown out the window, but to be fair, it always was when it came to the mighty man before him, as he leaned up to begin laying soft kisses against damp, ivory cheeks, unconcerned about the dirt and blood.

"I..I killed her..", Fane choked out, more tears coming forth as a tenacious mind and body crumbled, cracked under the weight of the past, present, and future. "I..murdered her.."

"You freed her, Fane. She would have continued to suffer had you not offered mercy.", Solas whispered as he continued to kiss at now soaked cheeks, their salty essence tasting bitter with despair and regret, but he endured it, just as Fane endured. "You did everything you could.."

"It wasn't enough! I wasn't enough, Solas!", Fane roared, but the intensity was cut off as more sobs, more tears, escaped a dual being, two natures so opposite bashing against the shores of two lifetimes. "I..I'm never enough.." The self loathing apparent even in a sorrowful whisper.

"You are more than enough, my heart.", Solas urged, alternating his kisses between both cheeks and actively nuzzling against them as he felt Fane's arms wrap around him, drawing him in despite their soaked states. "You have always been more..", he said firmly even in a whisper, his kisses holding the same firmness as his lips stopped their full descent and they frowned as Fane let out a truly broken sob, a snowy haired head shooting down to burrow into fur and flesh. "Oh, Fane.. Ir abelas.. Ir abelas.."

Guilt and regret, sorrow and anger. Those were seemingly simplistic labels, but as he held the earth as it regarded him as the sky, Solas felt, no, knew, that they were anything but. Fane was more, and he would show him that one day. One day, when they could put staff and blade down for good.

***

Ta-dah! Angst, but kisses! *does jazz hands* >:D I hope you like it and thank you for the prompt! :D

#prompts #asks #drabbles #oc: fane lavellan #solas #solavellan #my mind is just fixated on angst apparently #i mean it's sweet but also HURTS XD #thank you again! <3 #solas is soft #i will not waver on this #*nods sagely*#cw death #just putting that there for good measure :3

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we-are-the-amb · 3 years

Text

This is awful, but I feel like nothing will ever get posted, if I don’t post this now. How parental neglect factored into the Frog brothers’ hatred of vampires, in bullet points, because my powers of expressions and sense of flow are broken.

- I believe that, consciously, or subconsciously, there are two elements of vampirism that feed into the Frogs’ distrust of the family unit and subsequent fear of emotional honesty. These are the intimacy of the bite, and the concept of the vampiric family. I shall attempt to explain.

- A common idea regarding the vampire’s bite, is that it bonds people together. This is something that can be interpreted in many ways, but I am talking here about the idea that siring someone, makes them your kin and you responsibility. Practiced with intention, and on a broad scale, this can create a vampire pack, or family. TLB shows presents such a family, in the form of Max and his boys.

- Another thing to remember about a vampire’s bite, is the inherent intimacy of it. Physically, you have to be very close to someone, in order to sink your teeth into them. Such sensuality is part of the reason for the sexual dimension in vampire folklore and literature. However, lust is not the only emotion that is conjured at the idea of being fed upon, or turned. Barring the event of an attack, there could be numerous reasons that one would allow a vampire close enough to bite them, and numerous emotions realised during; fear, fragility, loneliness, kinship, empathy, and trust. Whatever the case might be, these feelings are doubtless as raw and visceral, as the bite, itself. It is an exposing event, one that demands emotional honesty, by it’s sheer, life changing intensity.

- I believe that Edgar and Alan are more disgusted by vampires, than any other supernatural creatures, because they themselves are most vulnerable to them. Not just because they are young, but because they are emotionally compromised.

- In a post I wrote regarding the missing posters spread around Santa Carla, I noted the age section of the people in them. A lot of them appeared to be very young. I said that if these children had not been killed, then there was also the possibility that they had joined vampiric families, as Laddie and his brothers all did. Why would this be? There is the likelihood of their sires feeling guilt for having taken them, and keeping them as a result. However, there is also the common theory of escaping to a better life. Running away from a bad family, or lifestyle, to one off perpetual childhood, and super powers. The lost boys from the Peter Pan novel, after which the film was named, are all children from unhappy homes who wanted something better. Perhaps this is why kids like the Boys, Laddie, or the ones in the missing posters would consent to being turned.

- Think about the implications this would have, to Edgar and Alan. To be a vampire, is to live off humankind. It is the necessity to commit serial murder for the rest of an immortal life. This is an extremely brutal lifestyle to ask anyone to commit to, never mind a child. Even if a child claims to know what they are in for, before turning, it would be rare that they really would. This puts the whole weight of responsibility onto the sire, the one who does know what they are in for. The child is trusting them to give them a better life, but does the sire wholeheartedly believe that it will be? To kids like Edgar and Alan, this would look like trust betrayed, in the worst possible way. Promising to free children from misery, only to make them bloodsucking monsters. And the film actually shows us that this can be the case, with Max and his boys. Max obviously had the desire for a family, but not really for the kids he ended up with. And his lack of care got them killed.

- And why would any of this cross Edgar and Alan’s mind? Because they know what it’s like to want to escape to a new life. As the film never lets us know how the Frogs came to believe in vampires, they end up looking like fantasists, regardless of being correct is their belief. And why wouldn’t they be? Everything we see of their lives, though it is little, implies isolation and too much responsibility. Clearly, them working the shop is not a “cover” as they claim. Unless you want to believe that the whole Frog family are vampire hunters, which I find doubtful, then they literally do just have to run the family business for their lazy, inattentive parents. Their awkward, almost desperate interactions with Sam imply friendlessness, again possibly due to overwork, or lack of guidance in terms of communication. There is no interaction at all between them and their parents, who seem to wear dark glasses for the sake of blocking out their environment, and by extension, their sons. Their distrust of adult authority is prominent. Apart from believing that high ranking citizens of Santa Carla are monsters, they seem nervous of adults who are neither, like Lucy Emerson. They do not speak to her, upon meeting her. And when Sam confirms that they will have to work without her, they are glad, saying they prefer to work alone. Bu they are not alone, they have Sam. So what they really mean, is they do not trust adults to help them. Not once do they ever appear worried about getting home to their parents, or what they might think, if one of them is hurt, or killed. Possibly, because they are too confident to consider such an event. Vampire hunting excites and energises them, in a way we never see witching the walls of Frog comics.

- They know what it is to want to escape. So the idea of trusting someone to give you escape, only for them to drag you further into the dark, is terrifying to them, and it enrages them. It is possible, as well, that they once trusted their own parents to care for them, only for that trust to be broken. So this thought probably also gives rise to bad memories.

- To finish, it is worth noting that this image of the vampiric family is destroyed before their eyes, during the battle at the Emerson house. Then they are left with the Emersons. The Emersons being possibly the first stable family they have ever come into contact with.

#edgar #edgar frog #alan #alan frog #awesome monster bashers #frog brothers #the lost boys #lost boys

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drxwsyni · 4 years

Text

Headcanons for yandere Chisaki Kai/Overhaul, Bakugou Katsuki and Mirio Togata with a manipulative s/o

Anonymous asked: “headcanons: yandere overhaul, katsuki and mirio with a manipulative darling??🧐 A lil nsfw is always welcome 😏 i would simpp for my bois anyday if i got the chance😔 THX💞❣️💕💕💖”

a/n: we’re all simps here anon, there’s no denying that. i don’t usually do nsfw, it’s in my rules that i don’t take these reqs but i am trying to get better at writing it. right now if people ask for it i might comply but it depends on the scenario. for this i chose to do just the first two characters cause i can’t see mirio doing anything like that, he’s too pure. thanks for the request!!!

warnings: injury, nsfw (noncon?)

_____

Chisaki Kai/Overhaul:

sfw:

You’d be kidding yourself if you thought this man would fall for any form of manipulation from his darling.

He’s not an idiot, in fact he’s extremely intelligent. If anyone is going to be the manipulative one, it’s Chisaki. He’s far too analytical to be played like that.

That doesn’t mean he won’t go along with it though. Oh no, in fact he’d be more than willing to let his darling believe that they had the upper hand. It would almost be a game to him―watching as they pretended to please him to get what they wanted, or formulate their words to guilt him into giving them freedoms.

He’s not particularly sadistic, but the sight of his darling going against their nature to act like they’re obedient would be amusing. On top of that, he wouldn’t exactly be complaining to see his darling following his orders, even if they were doing it in an attempt to fool him.

So he’d let them have their fun, knowing full well that eventually they’d believe they had him right where they wanted. Of course they didn’t―they never would. Chisaki would always be multiple steps ahead, lying in wait for the moment his darling finally had that false sense of security.

He doesn’t take kindly to disobedience. Yelling at him or trying to leave on the spur of the moment is one thing. But being so committed to deceitfulness, taking pride in the thought that they were outsmarting him? That would not sit well. Chisaki would anticipate the moment they made their move, them thinking whatever plan they’d formulated had worked.

And nothing would satisfy him more to see the look of shock mixed with denial as he confided that he knew all along. Of course he’d have all the necessary precautions in place for when they decide to act upon their drawn out intentions. His darling would never really stand a chance, and he’d make that painfully clear.

nsfw:

This man would not go easy with the punishments. He needs to make sure his darling learns their place, and more importantly that they could not outsmart him. The goal is to make them understand that life would be so much easier if they just submit. Chisaki would treat them so well if they did, as long as they were genuine.

Unfortunately, a manipulative darling would need a lot of incentive to get them to that point. Being so cunning usually means that they're patient and stubborn, so it’s a good thing he can be patient too. And what better way to break their stubborn attitude than a prolonged punishment, something to really get the message across and then some?

Chisaki is definitely one kinky motherfucker. He’d leave them for hours on end, strapped to a vibe and unable to move in the almost painfully tight restraints. He wouldn’t touch them―no, that would be too kind. It would be better to let them fall apart over and over again without any break. It is a punishment after all, they’re not really supposed to enjoy it.

But realistically they will to a certain extent, which makes it so much worse. Sooner or later their resolve would break―which is exactly what he wants.

And he still loves his darling even after what they did, so of course he would supervise the whole ordeal just in case they passed out. Chisaki wouldn’t say much, maybe a gentle reminder here and there that this is what they deserved after being so ungrateful. Once he felt they were past their limit just a little he’d untie them, not before making them swear that they’d drop their behaviour.

He wouldn’t be big on affection after―obviously he’d clean them up but they still need to learn to an extent that he wasn’t pleased with them. Chisaki would save his genuine care for when they finally accepted their place.

_____

Bakugou Katsuki:

sfw:

Rather than immediately fall for his darling’s manipulation, he’d just be highly suspicious. He’s slightly self aware with his behaviour―knowing it wasn’t healthy―so it’d confuse him if his darling acted in a way to get on his good side.

If anything, it’d make him more strict with them. Bakugou wouldn’t necessarily get mad at them, because there wasn’t any need to at the moment, but he’d still be cold around them. Mostly, he’d be waiting for them to drop the act.

Part of him desperately wishes that they weren’t pretending―that they really were warming up to him, albeit rather quickly. He might just let himself pretend as well. It wouldn’t be for long, just enough to take his mind off the awful things he was doing.

Mostly, it would annoy him. He wants a genuinely obedient darling, not someone who acts like they are to use him. Bakugou would likely be suspicious of any kind of darling who’s being kind to him, but especially in this case.

He’s not the kind of person to shy away from inflicting severe punishment either. If/when his darling finally slips up thinking they had him in the palm of their hand, he’d immediately correct them. Of course he wouldn’t fall for it, who do they think he is? He’d humiliate them for even thinking they had the upper hand. It wasn’t their place to try and take advantage of him. It would almost offend him―clearly they thought they were better than him. He’d show them that absolutely wasn’t the case.

nsfw:

It would turn into mostly him taking his anger out on them. How dare they think they were better than him?

He’d be relentlessly rough with their body―face down, ass up, literally fucking them into the mattress. Spewing obscenities at every turn, clearly they wanted this, were they really that dense to think he wouldn’t catch them?

Bakugou would go at it for hours into the night. Wouldn’t give two shits about their protests either―he’d just gag them and move on. Once he felt they were thoroughly fucked, both physically and figuratively, he’d force them to admit that they were wrong. He wouldn’t settle for anything less than them begging for forgiveness, making them repeat who they belonged to as they came for the last time that night.

To pour salt on the wound, he’d be sickeningly sweet with aftercare. Not so much with the verbal sentiments, but he’d practically worship their body. He’d still be mad with them to an extent, but part of the lesson is showing them that he’s the only person who could care for them like he did.

He’d gently massage their muscles while sitting behind then in a hot bath, lathering their body in luscious soaps and moisturizers. They might be all but passed out during the process, but he’d do it nonetheless. Bakugou wouldn’t typically be an affectionate person, but he’d like doting on his darling as they tiredly slumped against his body while he tended to their worn out figure.

With all the bite marks and bruises he leaves, his darling wouldn’t be able to forget the encounter anytime soon. It would become increasingly difficult to keep up their tendencies after not being able to walk straight for a few days since their last outburst.

_____

Mirio Togata:

Oh the poor boy, he’d absolutely fall for his darling’s manipulation.

All Mirio wants is his darling to accept that he knows what’s best for them, to let him take care of all their needs. But most importantly, he wants them to love him as much as he loves them.

And so if his darling was secretly manipulative, it’d likely fly right over his head. He’d just be so gosh darn happy that they were finally comfortable with him that he wouldn’t think twice of any ill intentions.

That being said, it still would be difficult for his darling to get anything from him. He’s still fairly stubborn, and even when he’s not there are still inherent precautions in place that may thwart his darling’s plans.

Are they trying to escape? He might let them out of their cuffs but the bulletproof glass and heavy metal padlocked doors aren’t going anywhere. There’s nothing wrong with a safely built house! It’s for the both of them after all.

Realistically, his darling probably isn’t going anywhere, but they for sure can manipulate him into certain freedoms inside the house.

Just don’t let him find out it’s all an act, nothing could hurt him more. He’s delusional, but he still has feelings. It’d break his heart―normally he’d take unideal behaviour and chalk it up to his darling not knowing any better, but this...this isn’t something he’d overlook.

He’s not the type to physically punish his darling, hurting them that way isn’t his intentions. But if they ever managed to escape, or even hurt him, that might just change things.

It would be quick, he still wouldn’t like the prospect of putting his darling in pain. A broken bone or two is most likely, something long term that’d teach them a lesson. It’d take him a while to recover from the betrayal, but he’d learn from his mistakes. From that point on he wouldn’t fall for their antics. Mirio would let them act like they loved him, but he’d always be prepared for them to lash out again.

#yandere bnha #yandere overhaul #yandere bakugou katsuki #yandere mirio togata #yandere chisaki kai #yandere mha #yandere my hero academia #yandere lemillion #yandere #tw noncon #tw injury

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my-happy-little-bean · 3 years

Text

The Bookkeeper - Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Red Rising

pairings: logicality, prinxiety words: 2260 chapter warnings: swearing, mild existentialism, mild fighting chapter summary: sometimes, you must fire with fire. or, in logan’s case, fight magic with...slightly weaker magic.

[read on ao3] [masterlist]

< previous chapter

—

Logan wished he could say he wrote for a few more hours, but it more so felt like someone was driving in the parking lot and writing the word ��o’ over and over into the ground.

It was a treacherous cycle that unfortunately goes uninterrupted. Roman had disappeared after his disastrous encounter with Patton, presumably getting tidy and doing some more nook-cleaning, so there were little to no distractions.

Yet Logan still had a blank page with only his research question: “If life has no inherent meaning under the lens of nihilism, why are humans so eager to escape and create art if they are simply creating something out of nothing?”

Logan crumpled up another piece of paper and groaned, throwing it behind him. He waited for the defeated sound of it hitting the ground, but it never came.

Frowning, he turned his head slightly, and felt the ball of paper hit his head.

“Watch where you’re going, Harry Rotter ,” Roman said smugly, levitating from seemingly out of nowhere and hovering over where the ball of paper landed on the counter. Logan rolled his eyes.

“It’s Harry Po– oh, who cares.” He pushed his glasses up, tapping his pencil against his notebook to look busy. “Is there something you need, Roman?”

“Uh, yeah. I need you to go outside and be a human or something.”

“It’s very late, Roman.”

“It’s 8:30 PM !” Roman exclaimed, exasperated, flying circles around Logan’s head. “Listen, I've been watching you get stuck all evening–”

“You’ve been watching me? From w here?”

“–and you’re at nothing! Zada!” Roman snapped his fingers, a spark of red appearing around his fist. “ Zilcho .”

“I get it, Roman.” Logan squeezed the bridge of his nose.

“Face it, Specs. You’re stuck. This subject, no matter which side you land on, is way too much for a speech that has very little meaning in the long run. This is just a roundabout way of saying you’re having a crisis.”

“Falsehood,” Logan muttered, ignoring how sharply Roman’s words stung. “Sure, there’s plenty of views I can write on, but I am more than capable of understanding at least one answer. I’m just...”

Logan sighed, leaning back in his chair. His seemingly unanswerable question echoed in his head, as it had millions of times before.

“Perhaps I need to re-read Virgil Aries’ book,” he finally said. “Maybe there’s something I missed.”

Roman groaned. “Not this book again–”

“It is a good book, Roman,” Logan shot back pointedly.

“It’s literally called ‘Nihilism and the Death of Art’. Where’s the ‘good’ in any of that?”

“Virgil Aries was onto something,” Logan said, now mostly to himself. “In this book, there were pages and pages of speculation, of controversial questioning — he was on the edge of a philosophical revelation, he just didn’t have the time to finish. He must have had so much more to say than what his posthumous publication detailed. He just needed more time, and I believe that I can become the extension of said time.”

Roman said nothing, just blankly staring at him. Logan huffed, picking up his pencil.

“ Anyway, if we are done here, I will just go ahead and—”

Zzzzt! Logan winced at the slight shock that shot through his hand, dropping his pencil. He looked up and saw a trail of red magic fall from the tip of Roman’s index finger, posed in a finger-gun gesture.

Roman blew against it, as if blowing smoke from the barrel of a gun.

“Very mature, Roman.” Logan reached for the pencil once more, but was met with the same zap!

Logan narrowed his eyes at Roman and, as if testing the waters, shot back his own burst of magic. Roman yelped, throwing his hands over his face. Logan’s navy blue magic turned purple against the surface of Roman’s flimsily-constructed shield, which fell apart into dust upon contact.

Roman smirked, seemingly unfazed by the sudden outburst.

“Alright, I see how we’re playing it.”

Roman shot another stream of magic towards Logan, who moved his head out of the way to avoid being hit. However, Logan heard it hit something behind him and before he knew it, a levitated book lightly bonked the back of his head cover-first.

“God– Roman that is quite enough!” Logan hissed as Roman burst into hysterics. Logan rolled his eyes, snatching the levitating book out of the air and putting it back in its place. He then moved out from behind the counter and pressed his hands together, hoping to use his magic once more.

He pulled them back quickly, expecting a great presence of magical energy, but was only met with a feeble spark.

Logan groaned, pressing together his hands together once more, before quickly pulling them back again. Nothing.

"Are you done with all this applause? You're too kind!" Roman beamed. Logan made a point to ignore him. He instead squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his hands together even tighter than before, before slowly parting his hands. A small ball of magic steadily grew between his palms.

‘There you go.’

He channeled a teleportation spell that was by no means harmful, but could at least send Roman into his room upstairs, which he knew was locked. That could buy him at least some time to create some sort of magical ward to keep Roman out for a bit.

When the ball of magic was big enough, he hurled it towards Roman with a loud cry. However, Roman quickly flew upwards to dodge it, letting it hit the bookshelves behind him instead. The sudden miss distracted Logan’s channeling of the spell and sent books flying into the air.

“Nice shot, Specs!”

“Oh shut up .”

“Well where’s the fun in a battle without some good ol’ battle banter?”

To his own surprise, Logan smiled as he rushed over to the books, sending more streams of magic towards Roman in attempts of hitting him. One stream hit the handle of the front door. The sound of a loud ‘click!’ echoed softly throughout the shop to unheard ears.

Roman laughed. “You can do better than that, can’t you?”

“You will find that–” Logan ducked underneath Roman’s magical rebuttals– “I can!”

A bright stream of Roman’s magic barrelled towards Logan as he looked up, red blurring his vision. Logan instinctively grabbed a book that had fallen off the shelf next to him and held it up in front of his face to protect himself. The magic hit the book, which was knocked out of his hands and flung onto the floor next to him, wide open. Logan caught sight of the title on one of the pages: The Jungle Book.

“Well shi–”

A small, colourful bird shot out from the pages.

“Good grief!” Logan swatted at the bird until he dispelled its presence from the shop and sent it back into the book. He slammed it closed before anything else could be conjured up, heaving from the exertion. Roman howled with more laughter as he effortlessly sent another shot of magic towards Logan.

Logan looked down at the flickering navy sparks in his palms and grimaced. There was only so much he could do.

Without thinking, Logan took another book off the ground and opened it this time, facing the pages towards Roman so that Roman’s magic could be consumed by the book. He closed it with a satisfying slam and smirked at Roman.

“Aha–!”

Suddenly, he heard the sound of pages turning behind his head. He whipped around to see a different open book floating behind him. A shot of red magic—the one Logan thought he had concealed in the book he was holding—hit his nose.

“What the–”

Roman grinned at him. “Power of sequels.”

Logan’s gaze shot towards Roman, who had one arm raised up. Logan felt himself float upwards slowly in time with Roman’s hand. He felt himself wobble in the air, trying to regain any semblance of control. Roman, however, focused all his energy on levitating Logan up the stairs.

“It’s time,” Roman huffed, “to get changed and– and I don’t know, live a little! ”

Logan’s eyes locked with Roman’s for a split second, and it felt like everything around them suddenly froze. Roman, behind the determination in his eyes, was staring at him with an almost-unreadable expression. Logan frowned. Was he pitying him? Perhaps not, Roman was never one to focus too much on pity.

He knew that Roman had his best intentions at heart. He wanted him to get out of the shop and out of his head — he told him everyday. Logan had always brushed off his pleas under the guise of wanting to get work done, but he felt like Roman knew all too well that wasn’t the case; that deep down, Logan simply didn’t know what to find outside of Fray and Far Fables.

And then, Roman’s eyes shifted into something that was all-too familiar to him.

Guilt.

Overwhelmed by the realization, Logan grabbed a random book off of a shelf he passed by and before he could float completely up the stairs, he grabbed the railing and threw the book near Roman.

Roman screeched, reflexively throwing his magic towards the book and losing concentration on Logan, who went tumbling down the stairs. As soon as Roman’s magic hit the book in the air, the familiar sound of a twinkle filled the room and the book burst open in a flurry of red light.

Logan’s eyes widened. “Shit–”

Without warning, a book nook exploded from the open pages of the book, the title of which Logan just caught sight of. Red Rising by Pierce Brown. Logan braced himself. He must’ve picked a book off the sci-fi shelf, which was never a good start for a book nook.

Fortunately, an intense sci-fi battle did not unfold in his shop. When the explosion had simmered to a halt, Logan’s gaze darted to Roman, who was narrowing his eyes at the book as his magic dissipated. He must’ve been trying to contain the severity.

Logan looked up to see what had been summoned, and felt his breath hitch.

Surrounding him was no longer the neutral colours of his shop, but instead a dark forest. Trunks of trees sprouted in front of the shelves, circling them in a flurry of green. The hanging fairy lights became intertwined with leaves and branches and vines as the scent of flowers flooded the shop. The wooden floor grew patches of moss and grass beneath Logan’s knees, as well as red flowers that Logan remembered were called haemanthuses in the Red Rising universe — otherwise known as ‘blood blossoms’ .

Mesmerized, Logan got on his feet and took a step forward. A butterfly floated past him. He looked up and saw stars glowing softly on the ceiling. A makeshift Andromeda Galaxy. Just as frightening—yet beautiful—as Darrow, the book’s protagonist, described it to be.

“Christ,” Logan murmured, watching the ceiling stars shift above him. Roman whistled as he floated past the butterfly and towards Logan.

“I’ll be honest, I did not see that coming.”

“What exactly did you see coming?”

“Not sure!” Roman shrugged, looking around him. “I suppose that’s the whole point of an adventure.”

“This isn’t an adventure, Roman. This is the magical equivalent of a food fight.”

Roman smiled, but not at Logan. Instead, Logan watched him gaze at the sparks of blue still floating off the tips of his fingers.

“Good to see that your magic is still there,” Roman murmured. Logan furrowed his brow. Before he could respond, Roman flew towards the floating book and hovered over the pages, peering at the words beneath him.

“ ‘ I am a creature of nooks and tunnels and shafts’, ” Roman read out loud. “ ‘The mine is my home, and part of me wants to run to safety, run from this alien room of living things and vast spaces...’ ”

He paused and looked up at Logan, who only then realized how lost he was in the world conjured up around him. How long had it been since he’s stepped inside a book nook, let alone been immersed in one?

For a brief second, he felt the answer to all his questions creep into his vision. He blinked, as if doing so could possibly capture this moment in his mind.

And then, the door swung open.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were still open!” Logan’s heart dropped at the voice, and he heard Roman gasp behind him.

“My lucky day, I guess! I forgot my hat here earlier and I was wondering if I could–”

The voice stopped abruptly as Logan’s head snapped up to see a gaping Patton, standing at the doorway with wide eyes. Caught like a deer in headlights, all Logan could do was stare at Patton.

Roman, seemingly in the same state of shock, lost concentration on the book he was hovering over. The red shimmer surrounding it disappeared, and it dropped on the floor with a deafening thud!

The book closed in a flurry of leaves and in a flash of light, the forest shrunk through the cover, as if going back in time. Leaves flew everywhere. The sound of howling wind drowned out Logan’s heavy breathing.

Logan watched as Patton held the door frame, as if trying to stay steady on his feet. Logan, however, couldn’t move.

When the whole spectacle ended, Roman meekly smiled, still floating in the air. He waved at Patton.

“Er...this is all a weird dream?”

And then, Patton screamed.

—

next chapter >

#TS Storytime 2021 #gabbie writes things #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #logicality #prinxiety #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan/patton #roman/virgil #logic/morality #creativity/anxiety

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shachihata · 5 years

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traffic jam // niru kajitsu theory post

This is a theory post about the song Traffic Jam by Niru Kajitsu, ft. v_flower; the music video was drawn by Akashi! Ultimately, in my opinion, the meaning of the song boils down to it being a message about the dangers of anonymity and the cyclical nature of blame and guilt. For the English lyrics, I’ll be using tosiaki’s translation of the song, with some of my own minor corrections for grammar and the like. Fair warning, there’s a bit of suicide imagery throughout the music video, so if you’re sensitive to that, I’d proceed with caution.

The song features two main characters: Flurry and Welter, although they take on two different forms through the plot of the music video. Flurry is the woman, and Welter is the man; for reference, I’ll be referring to the less-humanoid versions of them as Anon Flurry and Anon Welter, respectively (I’ll explain these titles in the theory section of the post).

LITERAL PLOT

The song starts off with a car crash, and the eyes in the background flicking towards it; the people who’ve been hit are Flurry and Welter, as you can see from Flurry’s yellow dress and earbuds and Welter’s hair.

The businessman who’s hit them is horrified, and attempts to pray for forgiveness/hang himself to escape the blame for their deaths, only for Anon Flurry and Welter to be watching. Anon Welter is holding scissors to cut down the rope and Anon Flurry has an insect net to catch the businessman as he falls. The businessman attempts to run…

...only to be caught in a car accident of his own.

Anon Welter is shown explaining to a bystander what happened, while Anon Flurry seems to be listening to other people arguing over the events Flurry was caught in (I’d personally assume this is some kind of interview, due to a brief scene at 0:30 where Anon Flurry is posing much more obviously at a press conference.)

There are a few more surreal scenes in between 0:50 and 2:40, featuring some dancing fruit, Anon Flurry/Welter alternatively flirting/fighting with each other, and a scene where they’re humming along to the music while looking like they’re about to go to a medieval-themed abstract wedding, but in terms of pure plot, all there is to really take away is that the two of them look for trouble while being haunted by their more human counterparts/consciences.

The two of them are watching YouTube (or NND, if you’re watching the NND version of it!), with the car crash being the video playing, and what looks to be Maddy Marmalade, Wozwald, and A Mistaken Belief of Love in the sidebar. The door behind them opens, and they’re shocked to see…

...themselves in the light behind them.

They revert to the more human Flurry and Welter, and are tormented by the new Anon Flurry and Welter.

As Flurry and Welter attempt to run away, the new Anon Flurry and Welter sit back and watch them. At the end of the music video, the same businessman from the beginning is seen getting back into the car that hit the two of them, implying that the plot loops on infinitely.

THEORY

The song’s meaning boils down to it being a cautionary message about, essentially, the Blame Game. Anon Flurry and Welter are representations of mass media, public opinion, anonymous sources, etc. while Flurry, Welter, and the businessman are victims being exploited for the sake of drama and attention. I’ll be going through the whole video, starting from the beginning, in the context of this theme.

パシャパシャとフラッシュ焚いたまあなんて可哀想な

With click, click, it flashed, “Well, how pitiful.”

Firstly, we can see Flurry and Welter being killed by the businessman in the car crash. The eyes represent how the minute any disaster occurs, there’s suddenly a million eyes watching it, no matter how personal it may be -- and a million people who weren’t involved in the incident itself giving their opinions on it, being shown by Anon Flurry at the press conference, obviously not having been killed like real Flurry was in the accident. She’s here for the attention -- instead of talking to the audience, she’s posing, like she’s acting in a movie.

In the second image, we see Anon Welter’s hands blinding one of the bystanders who saw the accident -- the line here, translated, reads “Well, how pitiful.” The lyrics in this section refers to both the flashing of the cameras of the press conference as well as the publicity that an accident like this would immediately get, with the media caring more about the general spectacle than the actual victims of the crash; the condescending nature of the bystander’s response show how desensitized the public’s become to horrifying incidents like this, once again, focusing more on the spectacle and asking who’s to blame.

許さねえや追い込めや逃げんのかいこの腰抜けが

It can't be forgiven, corner 'em, you fleeing? This coward.

Returning to this image of Anon Flurry and Welter cutting down the businessman from his noose, they demand that the blame for the accident be passed on to somebody -- if there’s a victim, there has to be a murderer, and there’s nobody to blame if the businessman is dead.

ああまただ衝突だ赤信号点滅ださあ

Ah yes, again, it's a crash, a flashing red light, now.

今度はどいつが悪いんだ誰でもいいや

Who's at fault this time? Doesn't matter who,

じゃああいつのせいだ

Then it's this one's fault,

譲り合いもへったくれもない

To hell with compromise.

The businessman is subsequently killed in a car crash of his own in an attempt to escape the watching eyes of Anon Flurry and Welter. In the top picture, you can see Anon Welter at the top and Anon Flurry at the bottom, with many other eyes accompanying their own in yellow -- a hint at how they’re a mere representation of the public as a whole, instead of simply being individual people. Even though the true culprit of the accident is caught, the two of them continue to demand that somebody be put to the guillotine for this new crash, even though it technically provides justice to the original Flurry and Welter who had been killed by the businessman -- Niru Kajitsu illustrating how mass media cares less about justice and the victims and more about the drama of it all. Anon Flurry randomly blaming somebody and saying “to hell with compromise” shows how truth and justice aren’t valued, anymore -- once again, spectacle is.

おいらにゃ関係ない?

“It has nothing to do with me?”

そうは問屋が卸しゃしねえんだわ

The wholesale won't sell this.

Assumedly, the text bubble in the top image is from the person that Anon Flurry’s blamed for the death of the businessman. Anon Welter rejects the accused’s protests, claiming that the “wholesale won’t sell this.” The “wholesale” typically refers to a company that mass-produces goods for the purpose of other retailers to sell them, and in this context, refers to the story that Anon Flurry and Welter have made up -- if the accused refuses to play along, they can’t give the story up to the media and get the attention that they crave.

Deuce Deuce Deuce！

君が逝くまで

Until you pass away,

僕が逝くまで

until I pass away,

痛み分けなどしないんで

we won't cancel the game 'cause of injuries,

Deuce Deuce Deuce！

鍍金が剥げるまで朝が来るまで

until our outer shells fall off, until morning comes,

二人で涎分け合っていよう

let's share the drool between us two.

In the pictures, the rapidly-switching fighting and flirting of Anon Flurry and Welter is repeated in many other places throughout the music video -- I took this to represent how public media and anons on the internet have constantly shifting opinions that, at different moments, both conflict and come into concord with each other. However, the teamwork that overshadows the love-hate tones throughout the video shows that they’re ultimately working towards the same goal -- deception of the public for the sake of views and attention.

Now, onto the actual analysis of the chorus. The repetition of the word “deuce” has multiple meanings, all of which apply to the theme of the video. Firstly, there’s the meaning directly referenced in the chorus, with the “deuce” referring to the two on dice or playing cards -- showing how Anon Flurry and Welter see the entire incident as just a “game”, the two of them having fun as they exploit the suffering of others. Secondly, in tennis, a deuce refers to, essentially, a draw -- a reference to the cyclical nature of the music video, in which Anon Flurry and Welter never truly win and merely become the victims of the next accident (also vaguely referenced in the chorus: “until you pass away / until I pass away.” The two of them are at a stalemate with the other Anon Flurries/Welters stalking them and waiting for them to slip up. This makes more sense in the context of my explanation for the scene when Anon Flurry and Welter are exposed by new versions of themselves.). The last meaning of a deuce is in the use of “deuce” as a euphemism for the word “devil” (i.e. the expression “what the deuce are we supposed to do”). It’s a bit dated, but it could be a reference to the inherent evil of media, Anon Flurry and Welter focusing on the drama of their counterparts’ deaths instead of on the deaths themselves.

The meaning of “until our outer shells fall off” is made clearer later on in the video, when they’re exposed by new versions of themselves. I’ll be explaining this part more thoroughly when we get there.

Now, onto some of the more surreal scenes in the video.

然もさもしいこの魂生を受けたは良いが

Moreover for this self-seeking soul, it's good it received life, but,

粗探し、穴探し飽くなき人の性

Fault-finding, flaw-finding, tireless human nature,

爪灯した火で養生せんとな

Recover by the fire lit by claws.

Personally, I think that the fruit-people are symbols of the people that Anon Flurry and Welter have exploited for the sake of the media. The lemon is put under spotlight, dancing, and putting on a show for the camera; the apple is under spotlight as well, tied to a chair, before an arrow pierces it (once again, putting on a show -- except in this case, it’s metaphorically killed for the sake of it); and the banana is being peeled, with Anon Welter taking spoonfuls of it (how people are “eaten alive” by the media).

The lyrics are pretty straightforward in this part. Anon Flurry and Welter are glad they’re alive to experience the drama of life, but, as “human nature” demands, they’re constantly searching for faults and flaws in others in order to try to fulfill themselves (“recover by”); however, the fire was “lit by claws”, meaning that the gossip they’re trying to fulfill themselves with was never started with good intentions in the first place.

This part of the song is pretty straightforward, as well. The town switching to night shows how there’s a “dark underbelly” to the bright side of themselves that Anon Flurry and Welter try to portray; Anon Flurry’s heart “freezing over” shows how she’s given up on her emotion and empathy in her need for drama and attention; Anon Welter casually sipping on a drink while all of this is going on around him shows how one can numb themselves to the pain they’re causing in others.

雨晒し憂さ晴らし屁理屈の速贄

Weather-worn and distracted from worries, an early sacrifice of sophistry.

The second part of this specific lyric is interesting enough to point out, though. “Sophistry” refers to a fallacious argument, typically made for the purpose of deceiving others. A “sacrifice of sophistry,” I’d assume, refers to Anon Flurry and Welter offering up fallacious stories and arguments to the people around them just for the sake of drama.

The following chorus doesn’t offer much, just more sick animation of Anon Flurry and Welter dancing and another fruit-person performing for the camera. The lyrics after that, though...

不安に駆られてふらふらとさ

Succumbing to unease, staggering,

行き着いたが最後後に引けない

The place arrived at is the last, with no turning back,

ゆりかごから墓場まで亡者

A dead person from bird cage to grave.

This part clarifies the part in the first chorus that refers to Anon Flurry and Welter’s “outer shells.” In these images, you can see how under the masks that the Anons put on, there’s the hint of humanity -- and the lyrics only reinforce this, claiming that they’re “succumbing to unease… a dead person from bird cage to grave.” Anon Flurry and Welter put on a brave mask, being uninvolved with the incident and merely spreading lies about it, but have had to kill off their true selves (the “humanity” inside them) ever since they were bound by the bird cage of societal pressure for attention and success. The implication here is that they’ll never escape until they die -- presumably, in a car accident of their own.

This next image is pretty interesting -- it’s a moment of (relative) silence in the song. Having been preceded by these lyrics that show Anon Flurry and Welter finally feeling uneasy about their decisions, I like to see this as the Anons being trapped by the web of lies and blame and drama that they’ve woven around themselves. I looked it up, and the word “kansou” is translated as “feelings” or, more specifically, somebody asking you “what you think” about something. The Anons have to put on this “holier-than-thou” guise, now, when they’re being asked their opinions on something -- now that they’ve gained the social standing that they so desired, they have to be careful not to lose it.

Unfortunately, their hopes are about to be crushed in the next part of the song (my personal favorite part of the video).

This part of the video is when everything seems to click together. The Anons are watching the car crash again, presumably laughing at it or at the drama that they’ve sparked… until they’re suddenly exposed to the light that they’ve been hiding away from for so long. The minute they’re confronted by another Anon Flurry and Welter, their “outer shells” melt away, as seen in the half-human, half-Anon Flurry in the last image. This sequence, very quickly, reveals the true message behind the song: Anon Flurry and Welter and their human counterparts aren’t just single-instance characters, they’re a representation of the constant cycle of drama, exposure, drama, exposure, that permeates mass media today.

Anon Flurry and Welter could afford to be so bold, constantly looking for trouble and blaming others for the deaths of Flurry and Welter, because they were hiding behind their anonymous masks of a YouTube screen and their “holy” attitudes. Once they’re exposed -- notably, by another set of Anons, who presumably are looking for the same trouble that the originals were -- they immediately lose that “anonymous” mask and are now the subject of the same scrutiny and bullying that they subjected Flurry and Welter to.

俺は人間なんかに成らずに済んだのにな

It'd be fine even if I never become human.

Being “human” -- or, rather, not having the mask of anonymity to hide behind -- is seen as a loss. They don’t want to be Flurry and Welter, the victims of a car crash, they want to be the Anons, who can afford to bully people until their personal victims become victims of a car crash.

さあ往生しよう

Now, let's move on from life,

この終わった世界で Deuceが尽きるまで

In this finished world, until Deuce runs out.

The car crash isn’t a car crash at all -- it’s drama that leaves people socially (or physically) dead, their hardships suddenly making them the center of a sob story instead of the people exploiting it for attention in the first place. Original Anon Flurry and Welter are killed, once again, in an attempt to escape the watching eyes of new Anon Flurry and Welter; a bystander who inadvertently caused their death is blamed for it, until they’re killed as well; the new Anons take their newfound notoriety and make it big before they’re exposed for their own role in the suffering.

Once again, gotta emphasize -- Flurry and Welter are just representations for entire groups of people who go through this constant cycle. As Niru Kajitsu said in the comments:

They’re just symbols. The world is made out of victims (Flurry and Welter) and the people who exploit them (Anon Flurry and Welter). Eventually, once the anonymous “outer shell” is peeled away, they’re nothing more than victims themselves. It’s a criticism about the culture of mass media and public opinion today.

(Also, a fun little note: Flurry and Welter’s names both essentially symbolize the chaos of this system! Taking the most applicable dictionary definitions of each, a flurry is a “short period of commotion and excitement,” and a welter is a “state of general disorder.” Most of the meanings of those two words apply, though -- special shoutout to another definition of the verb form of welter meaning “to lie steeped in blood with no help or care,” which I think you can infer the significance of.)

(Another fun note: the synth from the beginning of the song is repeated again at the very end of the song, but, even if you’re just a casual listener, you can tell how different the tone is.)

Anyway, thanks for reading! This was pretty fun to write -- I haven’t dissected a music video like this before, so I hope it all makes sense. I’d love to discuss it with you, if you’ve got any questions!

#other stuff #niru kajitsu #traffic jam #v flower #vocaloid #flower #this song is SO good please listen to it nd watch the mv #we do stan niru kajitsu vocaloid producer master

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meerkathideout · 4 years

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Analyzing “Redemption” by Hurts

Disclaimer: I am analyzing the text, the music and the imagery from the music video of Hurts’ new single “Redemption”. The opinions and conclusions I draw are my own and are not to be taken as an official interpretation of the song.

Content warnings for including the following themes: Homophobia, transphobia, substance abuse

When looking at the text, and placing it into the context of the new album called Faith, it’s easy to spot the religious themes. The narrative is that the narrator is confessing to wrongdoings and asking for redemption.

I've never felt this far from God I almost feel like giving up again In my bones, in my blood There's a sickness I'd change if I could But the fire that rages inside me Erased all the good

There is something inherently wrong, a “sickness” that the narrator can’t abandon. The narrator sees this sickness as something that will destroy everything good. Homosexuality was once classified as a mental illness, a sickness if you will, that these days is seen as something inherent that can’t be changed. This can also be applied on the topic of being transgender. Many queer people suffer from internalized homophobia and transphobia, meaning that they have internalized the thought of anything else than heteronormativity as wrong. Historically, Christianity has had a very negative view of queer issues and has influenced society to act a certain way.

(Sidenote: This is not always the case and I personally know of lots of wonderful Christian churches that are inclusive and outspoken on the issues of sexual and gender minorities!)

Another way to interpret the case that the narrator is pleading about is substance abuse. The fire that rages inside, erasing all the good, can be read as withdrawal from drugs and/or alcohol. Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous are built on a religious, specifically Christian, foundation. In Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a way of thinking that once an alcoholic, always and alcoholic meaning that you can’t escape the sickness of substance abuse.

(Sidenote: The issue is much more complicated than this, and if you need help please note that there are other alternatives than the AA that do not have a religious requirement to them) Father help me, do you understand? All my life, I've been a wicked man Show me mercy and comfort me I need to find redemption (I'm just trying to find some) Redemption (I'm just trying to find some) Redemption

“Father” in this context can be seen both as a literal parental figure, but also as a name for God or a clerical title for priest. The narrator is pleading his case, explaining that he knows what he has done wrong and asking for mercy and redemption. In Christianity, confessing your sins leads to absolving them and overcoming the gap that sin has formed between the believer and God. Redemption literally means to buy back, and is used in Christianity as a word to explain overcoming sin and being “bought back” to God.

I've never been this far from peace I'm disappearing out of reach again In my head, in my heart There's a hollow that's starting to show It's the poison that fills up the void And it's taking a hold

The pleading of his case continues in the second verse. Here, the poison can be literally read as alcohol or a drug, but also as guilt. The narrator is feeling guilty for not acting in the way that he sees as proper, and the guilt is separating him from peace.

Then the chorus is repeated, before the song switches to an instrumental part which ends the song. The story told in the lyrics end on a plea for help, in a state of desperation. Yet the theme continues, and the instrumental part is much more hopeful. Does this mean that the narrator found redemption?

During the instrumental part of the song, the music video shows a human figure on their knees being lit on fire. Fire is a symbol both for destruction as well as new life. The destructive power of fire has been used to burn heretics and witches, people who have strayed from what society and the church has deemed acceptable. Yet fire is also a new life, hope, can spring from the ashes of the old like a Phoenix.

Does the narrator find peace and a new life, or are they burned at the stake for their sins? Personally, I find the happier note more comforting but everyone has a right to their opinion.

In conclusion, I can not make a definitive appraisal of what Theo and Adam were thinking about when writing this song. But for me, “Redemption” is about accepting your identity and overcoming obstacles that you think keeps you away from God.

#hurtsband #redemption #faith

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mushroommouth · 3 years

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Reworked + Expanded S.J. Lore- Now with EXTRA BUMMERS!

(---submitted by @transistor-rhythm-909)

This is going to say an awful lot about my self worth that I’m doing this to my self insert, BUT

(There is a mention of suicide ideation in here, so uhhh do please tag for that cos I can’t seem to on the browser submission page)

The first major change that sets up the angsty stuff: I’ve decided upon is that he doesn’t do part time work at Dom’s workplace anymore- he still met Dom a few years back and before Mira came into the picture (I wanna say probably around the time Son of the Sun took place, which in my mind was when Cody was about 3 or 4). Where he met Dom I’m not sure, but their relationship progresses more or less the same way- as does S.J.’s relationship with Mira when she enters the picture.

The reason for this change is ‘cos I’ve decided to have S.J.’s sole place of employment be Kathy’s Store, as you can probably figure out. Not inherently angsty on its own, but, well…

As we know, S.J. rolled into town with not much travel cash left and desperately needing a job. He didn’t escape a bad home life or tragic circumstances when he left England, he just felt… stagnant there. Didn’t really know what he wanted to do with his life (as whilst he does make music like IRL me, for him it’s decidedly a hobby, not his career choice). Unfortunately, travelling across America when you don’t drive is Pricey, so. He found himself drawn to Kathy’s store, entirely unsure why- and pretty much from the words “'scuse me lass, you hiring?”, Kathy seemed up for helping him out. Not in an overly sentimental way, mind, but she pretty much said “yeah sure, could use the help, you can use the room upstairs 'til you can find yer own place- by the by, here’s the apt. listings in the paper”.

For the first couple of months his life was pretty normal- he wasn’t allowed all the way in the back of the store and some of Kathy’s quirky behaviours stood out to him, but he rolled with it. Then, one day, he got unintentionally caught in the crossfire between Kathy and Em; I need to work out specific details, but the end result of this is that S.J. essentially became aware not only of the supernatural… existing, but also gained a similar sort of “medium awareness” that Kathy and Em possess. He doesn’t necessarily view himself as a character in a story, and the world he’s in one big narrative, at least not literally, but he’s at least on a similar level of omnipotence as Kathy and Em are now. That is all he has, though; the knowledge. He has no godly powers, no magical capability. He’s still dead normal, otherwise.

This is part of what prompts him to stay in Kathy’s employ, even though she straight up tells him he should walk away and not endanger himself further- after all by then, he has his own place, he’s got cash saved up, and he can find work elsewhere. But S.J. says simply “Now I know what you two do, I can’t just pretend life is the way it was. I’m a part of this now, whether I like it or not.”

Kathy looks extremely guilty for a sec, but he continues; “besides, now I know exactly why you look so sad and so tired all the time. After how kind you were to me- a total stranger- when I rolled up outta nowhere, it wouldn’t sit right with me to leave you in the lurch. You look out for the whole town; let me look out for you.”

So S.J.’s path in live is set; he’s a semi omnipotent being who can’t do much with the knowledge he has except be very, very snarky. He can’t ever go back to his original home even if he wanted to without that knowledge. Factor in that he was already depressed and anxiety riddled to begin with, and you can imagine that if S.J. tried living a normal life and just ignoring this new info… he’d crack under the pressure. And the guilt of leaving Kathy behind. And the stronger guilt of leaving Dom and Miranda alone in a town that he now knows does have it’s hostile secrets that could put them in danger.

And that eats up at him, sometimes. He never intended on going back to England when it was an option, even though he sometimes missed it, but now he can’t he finds he misses it more. He visits, sure, but never longer then a week, and usually only at Christmas. The rest of the time, it’s vid calls or nada, and that’s not the same. And he can’t tell his parents, his friends from home, what he knows- they’ll think he’s mad. He knows he’d think someone was mad if they told him what he knows, if he didn’t know it himself.

But, there is a sweet along with that bitter; Dom and Miranda love him very much, and he loves them. They fill his heart in ways that people back home never did, and though that doesn’t fill the void, it makes it easier when he misses home. He and Kathy grow closer as well- again, not romantically (it’s only IRL me that crushes on Kathy I’m afraid), but as professionals, as friends, as mentor and mentee. And he can- and does- help mitigate some of the crisis’ that befall the town, major and minor, with his limited skillset but vast knowledge. And as it turns out, all S.J. has ever really wanted to do is to help people; to love them and look after them; to do what he can to make other people safe and happy, however small and brief that happiness may sometimes be.

And that keeps him going. Even in his darkest days, when he seriously considers ending his life… he finds he can’t. He can’t leave those he loves, near and far, behind. He can’t hurt them like that. To do so would be a betrayal of his most core ideal: to do no harm, and to love like the world is ending.

Part of why the Micoverse fan-verse I’ve constructed for me stories is given the name “Because I Know How Strong Love Is” comes from the fact that S.J. honestly and earnestly believes in the strength that can be drawn from love- not just romantic or sexual, but familial, platonic, love and passion for concepts and interests, the entire spectrum of love as a concept. He knows, deeply and truly, how in many cases that can save anyone. And in spite of the knowledge he knows, that belief has not changed. No matter what he faces, he won’t stop believing. Em herself can actively try everything in her playbook to break him, and sometimes he may- but she cannot take that belief from him. And he rubs that in her face as much as he can, cos to play off those drawings from the other day, she can say 'I’ll destroy everything you love <3’, and he’ll respond with “That won’t stop me loving, lass. Do your worst.” knowing that she will, and not caring; no matter how disadvantageous his position again her or anything else, he’ll go down fighting and swearing- if he goes down.

(which he sometimes does, but there is one small perk that awakening gave him, even if he is not fully aware of it; death doesn’t stick, to him or to anyone. Not completely, no matter how hard Em or The Shape tries. He remembers each death as though it were a dream and is suspicious that it probably did happen, but he can’t count on that; it doesn’t stop him laying down his life willingly if he feels he must).

TL;DR my self insert is technically aware that he’s a character and is also aware of the true nature of Micoverse’s world and the many universes beyond, but that doesn’t stop him living a life of love and peace and as much fun as he can muster, and in the face of evil or cruelty he stands by his convicting that love wins every time- and will actively make it win if given the chance. (he, uh, doesn’t reveal this info to anyone beyond Kathy though. at least in idea situations; given the in-flux nature of aus, side stories, canon and non canon stuff there will be times where they do become aware somehow- like Casual Danger dialogue- but generally he keeps it on the down low unless he has no choice to reveal what he knows)

This was all btw inspired by that “I’ll destroy everything you love <3” drawing, because something about S.J.’s response of “I know, but I’ll be sassy about it” really made me think 'oh, he KNOWS. he’s got access to the knowledge she and Kathy does. that’s a show of his hand’ and I just kinda wanted to run with it. It won’t always be relevant to every single story- and of course I’d never consider S.J. a canon micoverse character (unless you thought of something neat you could do with him anyway)- but it is a part of his character now innit. Our Boy Knows What’s Up.

#THIS IS SO GOOD #submission

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ghostphoenix-kry · 4 years

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k so ur always tagging goofy shit w lilith or amelia, so like i wanna know their deal, like give me a whole info dump

My friend, I will gladly dump some of my shit on them out for you,,, these two are particular favorites along with Sol. Also I am so sorry this turned out so long and so incoherent. I couldnt figure out what all to say about them and I forgot some of the things I could say about them.

Its really long.

I'll start off with the standard Lilith for now.

Lilith is a French musician and criminal in the Cowboy Times that are Red Dead Redemption. A woman with a lot of pride and an inability to take anyone's shit.

She grew up a single child with parents that firmly believed she needed to form herself to their ideas of life. She needed to be as perfect as possible to them and to her future husband. She needed to learn to be the ideal wife or she would fail in life. For years she tried to live up to their expectations but it was never enough and it wasnt healthy at all, so she got fed up with it and left home.

Out there in the 'real world' she developed a talent for musical performance and found out the hard way that relationships are painful and sketchy at best. After falling for the charms and promises of countless pretty faces and kind smiles, the lies coated in sweet words claiming love and devotion, she realized that people lie a lot. And that there were too many pompous men that seemed to think themselves entitled to nightly affection and heart, only to take it and fuck off with it.

Granted, she understood that it was naivety on her end and a want to feel some sense of being wanted that got her there. After a while of hoping the next time would be different and having it end up just the same, she decided she was done. A coldness had begun to sink in then, a hatred and bitterness towards the idea of folks flirting with her or attempting to pull the wool over her eyes with falsified affection.

So, Lilith said fuck this noise, and decided that if those rich and disloyal men were so sure of themselves and their worth to her, that she would use it. She would lean into it while remaining distant.

She would learn to lie incredibly well.

So she did just that. She performed as always, but it wasnt about the pocket change people would give her. Now she would seek out those pompous rich bastards herself, using tactics to suggest interest and letting them decide it was an invitation. Only to leave with them at night and leave them ass up in a ditch, their wallets now marginally lighter, and their faces a bit less perfect.

She became a temptress and a thief. And she became powerful and proud. Travelling from town to town in order to escape the law, she continued her performances and acts, targeting more unfortunate men with a momentous burden being in their wallet.

This said, she isn't inherently bitter towards everyone. But she definitely composes herself with an air of undeniable authority around other people. Essentially a vibe that for the most part tells people not to try anything or they will find her hands in their face before they can catch them.

Within a few small groups, her guard is lowered and she allows herself to be more relaxed though. Letting her usage of French slip out along with her humor and need to be earning her keep and helping out. She is used to being alone, so she wants to contribute somehow to anyone she might be staying with in order to convince herself and others that she is indeed helping. Look! I am doing work! Please let me stay! Usually these are the people she grows fond of and will protect with terrifying ferocity.

She is also at times though, a little bit dumb of ass. Lilith is fluent in French and in English, but there are words still in English that she thinks she knows but does not. For instance she gets confused by the names for baby animals and is quite convinced that quite a few baby animals are just -insert animal name- + "ling" (Piglings, chickenlings, gooselings, etc) In the times her inner idiot shows, she will get very flustered and embarrassed. She feels she is supposed to be smooth and intimidating afterall. Not to mention formal.

Also while she has very much given up on recieving love from another, and is quite against the prospect of a relationship, she does still catch feelings for people on occasion. And it always kind of scares her. But an affectionate or fond Lilith is an incredibly soft one that has a lot of love to give but is a bit hesitant to give it.

Lass is also very maternal in nature, even despite being a bit pissy. She wants to protect.

TLDR; Lilith Streith is bitter French musician and thief who does not trust getting close to men, but does find that the nice ones who are respectful are really super cool and she likes them a lot.

Amelia Alexi on the other hand, is quite the opposite.

Miss Alexi is a Grade-A gunslinger and mercenary in the Cowboy Times, a very annoyed and fed up deputy in FarCry, a S.T.A.R.S. agent that's too willing to fight literally anything in Resident Evil, and overall, a professional pun-slinging dumbass with sleep and trust issues.

I'm going to go with Cowboy Times storyline and traits because it's a bit better thought out at this time.

Amelia grew up with a brother and her parents, all of which she was very close with. She was brought up in a musical family, and a family that was very keen on the idea of being kind and doing what is right. They hunted and grew a good majority of their food, but were well enough liked by the nearby town too. They were good folks that helped a lot of people.

In a series of quite unfortunate events, some of which inadvertantly brought on by herself, Amelia found herself alone, wanted by the law for murder, and riddled with guilt and wrath. Her parents having disappeared on her and her brother, only for her brother to be executed for a crime she committed.

The law failed her brother big time, the judge having said guilty with little to no evidence of her brother's involvement. And seeming how it was her crime, she is so hurt and angered by his death. Wrath builds in her rather quickly, and she takes it out on those who caused it, killing off those crooked men of the law in a fury before stealing a horse and bolting, killing off any pursuers who come too close.

Those mental wounds continue to fester and her rage ends up directed towards the law as an entirety. They are liars and snakes. And if they want to come after her now, she won't hesitate to send them back to their maker.

Despite her resolve, she finds herself faced with nightmares and visions a plenty. Nightmares that startle her awake and leave her in tears. Nightmares about her brother's death, and the death's of so many others she has and hasn't met. They are painful and terrifying to her, so she soon decides the only way to avoid them would be to avoid the medium they come across, sleep.

Thus the first of her horrible care habits begins as Amelia cuts out sleep. Avoiding it at any cost, which soon enough weighs on her and causes a bit of paranoia. Constantly fatigued and constantly on high-alert, she somehow manages to retain her gun-slinging abilities and sharp senses for the most part, but unfortunately finds that her body will forcibly shut down on her and make her black out when it decides its had enough. Usually in rather unfortunate times and places.

The back of her horse

In the middle of a field

In a chair

In a tree

In the middle of cleaning her weapons

All over the place. Not ideal, but she is a surprisingly lucky lass, and nobody goes looking for a killer and expecting her to be passed out in the middle of the road.

Anyway, back to important stuff.

Due to the reputation she gains amongst the law, she finds herself being lassoed into a rather sketchy group of people. A den of vipers, men and women with guns and knives to lend. She finds herself in a guild of mercenaries, run by one Mama Morgen. The Queen of the den.

Amelia is soon enough stuck with the den, being called out to snuff out lives in return for money as well as assurance that Mama Morgen wouldnt turn those hired weapons on her for knowing too much.

While Amelia is usually apathetic anymore, too tired and done with life to care about others and too sure to keep her distance to get close enough to care, she is still a sweet hearted little woman. A lonely one, a tired and jaded one, but a sweet one.

She has odd habits and a sense of humor, finding some amusement in shitty jokes and some peace in playing a nice music piece on her violin. Her fury is strong, but it remains directed at those who wronged her so badly in the past. People aren't inherently bad, she can get along well enough with people, as she has retained her old kindness.

When she is comfortable with someone, she too tends to grow fond and protective of them. While she is far less maternal in nature, she doesnt want her friends to feel any kind of pain or anguish. To her they are deserving of the best and only the best, so she works hard to keep them free of danger or stress. To cheer them up and make them laugh when they do find themselves stressed or hurt. Within the short leddy, there is a lot of care to provide for those that she thinks have earned it.

Amelia can also be a bit sassy and dumb of ass as well. And proves it frequently. Any possible feelings she may catch are not registered as feelings until it hits her like a brick when she realizes that cuddling and snoozing with a person on a nightly basis is not a thing most people do when they're just friends. And trying to do horse tricks and cool stunts in front of a person to impress them is not entirely normal either.

Also, she does a lot of stunts. Miss Alexi is fond of two things: The warmth of a thousand suns, and The Thrill. Has on multiple occasions jumped off of cliffs in order to land in the water below, especially when being pursued. Though she does enjoy being pursued as well, especially in a rather cruel way when it's the law pursuing her.

She is intelligent as a person, but her common sense isn't always present and she is likely to crack a joke or impulsively steal things at inopportune times. There is little impulse control.

She is alive because of luck, spite, and an uncanny ability to shoot really quickly. Nothing more.

#thank you for the ask though I'm sorry i become so horrible at explaining things when I'm actually asked #i just have SO MUCH to say but don't want to make it too long #BUT SERIOUSLY THANK YOU AND IM SORRY FOR ALWAYS TAGGING MY DUMBASS KIDS #oc: Lilith #oc: Amelia #long post #tw murder #also you can ask for more if you want more specific stuff on anything #or if you just want some interesting facts and bits on them #be it AUS or anything else

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piduai · 5 years

Text

sansa and dany are two sides of the same coin, or rather, are cut from the same cloth - as not to imply that they are drastically different in a sense in which they complete each other, more like they’re each other’s foil in a much more subtler way than arya and sansa are.

they are both pre-teens that are introduced in the game as pawns who gradually gained knowledge and agency just enough to make them players. daenerys was a pawn to a whole bunch of people - to varys and illyrio for the biggest part as they both seem to harbor plans for her that i would not be surprised to learn are different at their core, and to doran martell. these three are high-ranking players, and dany was a tool for them. to viserys in a lesser extent, since he thought he was a player but has been a pawn all along, and died for it.

sansa initially wasn’t part of the game. ned going to the capital and joining the game automatically included her though, and again, unlike arya, who escaped and still managed to stay an ambivalent bystander, sansa had to partake in it. she was childish and she was naive and she immediately made herself one of cersei’s pawns, and with it subscribed to littlefinger’s agenda, who is a much bigger fish in the game than cersei herself. i wager that using sansa has been on littlefinger’s mind since day one, and seeing that he smashed the tyrell engagement plan and most probably was the one to plant the idea of marrying sansa off to tyrion in tywin’s head is foreshadowing to when he formally introduces sansa to the game and tries to feed her the illusion that, by including her, he decided to make her a player - which she doesn’t buy, but becomes one nevertheless.

anyway they both start off as clueless children, sansa aged 11 and dany aged 13. they were both born in nobility, though have drastically different fates; sansa has been pampered her entire life, living in comfort and love and safety, while daenerys spent all her life on the go. from her own words, she knew what it was like to be homeless, cold and hungry. however, they’re both idealists, but while for sansa this is a result of her soft and pandering childhood, for daenerys it’s an innate trait. they were both fed tales of high valor and lies.

viserys would tell daenerys exaggerated tales about the nobility of their deranged house, while sansa would read stories about knights and ladies. bottom point is that they both, being children, are introduced having inflicted ideals from the outside world, because they didn’t have the means to gain their own themselves (daenerys living in exile with only a delusional brother to teach her about the world, and sansa being highly sheltered). with time and with trauma sansa’s idealism weakens and she becomes more pragmatic, while dany’s idealism becomes stronger. this is where their paths, as children, divide. they mature in opposite ways, seeing that dany grows gaining her own agency and power and security, while sansa lives in perpetual abuse while being a hostage.

fast-forward to when they witness their first murder. daenerys, a child bride, sees a man being murdered at her wedding, and is genuinely horrified. sansa sees a man die during a tourney and thinks to herself how weird it is that she doesn’t care about his death at all. later on they’re both called soft, but they maintain the same attitude towards murder. none of them condone it, and neither of them are inherently cruel, and while they both pray for the death of their enemies, they’re accepting actual deaths differently.

while marching on meeren, dany sees a trail of corpses of child slaves, and upon establishing her rule, she avenges them - which we see she feels faulty about it; even if in her case murders were justified, she is still guilt-driven. sansa is devastated at ned’s death because it took her completely unawares, but for the rest she doesn’t care - joffrey, ser dontos, lysa tully, robert arryn (implied), as long as they’re murdered for her own sake and safety, she doesn’t feel guilt or grief over them.

she’s still not cruel, though. during the battle of the blackwater we have perhaps some of the most introspective sansa povs. “do you want to be loved, sansa?”, “everyone wants to be loved”.

then sansa gets forcibly married at age 12, a year younger than dany. unlike daenerys, who learnt to cope and developed stockholm syndrome towards her husband, she was utterly miserable in her marriage. eventually she fled, never thinking about her husband again, while daenerys thinks about drogo up to her last pov. however considering littlefinger’s plans for marrying sansa to harry, that would land them both with two political marriages neither of them wanted. “who would dare to love a dragon?”, dany wonders. “nobody will marry me for love”, sansa broods. they both share a fear of not being loved.

and they both want to give that love back. “if i’m ever queen, i’ll make them love me”, thinks sansa during the battle outside her walls, a girl who has NOT grown with the idea that one day she will be a queen (unlike cersei, for example), while in one of her povs daenerys thinks, “ i want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way viserys said they smiled for my father”. they both want to live in peace and prosperity, and this is where their idealistic sides show.

they both are also nothing short of dutiful. they yearn for home. “i don’t want to marry him, i want to go home”, daenerys tells her brother in her first pov. she is consumed with dreams about her house with the red door and the lemon tree under her window constantly. at the end of the day, she just wants to go somewhere where she knows she’s safe - a sentiment that sansa shares. at first she was thrilled to leave winterfell, but after everything she’s been through, she realizes that she’s the strongest within the walls of winterfell. home gives her solace, it gives her courage and a sense of safety. but alas, home is not a destiny for either of them. dany is loyal to her queenship, and always puts the needs of her people over her own desires: “it’s time to don my floppy ears”. sansa also has more tully in her than her looks alone, as she does everything required of her despite her personal wishes. they value their sense of duty over their sense of self.

they are both highly adaptable. dany had to quickly adapt to the rough dothraki lifestyle if she ever wanted to be accepted, and sansa had to adapt to the court rules of lies and conspiracies if she wanted to stay alive. they’re both quick learners who can use their head regarding their own survival. “i know that she’s strong. how not? dothraki despise weakness”, tyrion reflects about daenerys in one of his povs. but from their ability to adapt grows the sense of not belonging. daenerys never belonged anywhere she went; firstly within dothraki, then in quarth, then in meeren - she was always considered an outsider, and the house with the red door, she didn’t belong even there. sansa also doesn’t belong where she is. her position in king’s landing is forced, she thinks to herself “they made me a lannister” after being wed to tyrion, but she still didn’t belong there. and later, when she was at the eyerie, it’s brought up in the narrative: “ White towers and white snow and white statues, black shadows and black trees, the dark grey sky above. A pure world, Sansa thought. I do not belong here. Yet she stepped out all the same”.

they also both lost everyone they loved, at some point. “ If Lady was here, I would not be afraid. Lady was dead, though; Robb, Bran, Rickon, Arya, her father, her mother, even Septa Mordane. All of them are dead but me. She was alone in the world now” sansa thinks wistfully. “He’s gone, then. My father and my mother, my brothers, Ser Willem Darry, Drogo who was my sun-and-stars, his son who died inside me, and now Ser Jorah”, dany thinks upon jorah’s banishment. they are both alone in the world. the only difference is that sansa had lost lady forever - and considering that it is implied that the direwolves are literally part of the stark children, bound to them by fate - a piece of her soul with her. dany still has drogon by the end of book 5. otherwise they’re both surrendered by enemies.

i don’t watch the show and don’t care what they did to their characters in there. i’m sure they threw in more parallels and such but i don’t care about those. the only thing i’ve picked up is that they are at odds with each other, and this is what leaves me utterly baffled. they would work together fantastically, and would grow fond of each other, because they have more things in common than it should be allowed for two characters who live on opposite sides of the world.

i really wish they met in canon. i wonder how their relationship would be handled by their actual creator.

#sansa stark #daenerys targaryen #a song of ice and fire #daensa #asoiaf

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