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pedrithink · 11 months

Text

doctor ✩ kylian mbappé

request: heyy could u maybe do a social media au where kylians girlfriend is like a medical student or smth, has that typical beauty and brains to her, and kylian is always posting abt her and her achivements always letting her know how proud of her he is and everyone just admiring them

faceclaim: lexie grey

ynusername

Liked by ynusername, k.mbappe, and 121.492 others

KMbappeNews congratulations to Y/N, another medicine award and another win for women in the science’s world. kylian was there 🥺💗

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user1 kylian was smiling ALL THE TIME

user2 he was so proud of her :(

user3 SHE’S SO SMART

user4 it is so good to see young women winning such important awards

user5 worldwide famous football star with his smart doctor girlfriend

user6 kylian is having the best moment of his life

k.mbappe

Liked by ethanmbappe, antonelaroccuzzo, and 3.018.944 others

k.mbappe ta réaction quand tu as vu que tu avais gagné un autre prix est la plus belle chose que j'aie jamais vue. merci d'étudier et de travailler si dur pour améliorer la qualité de vie de nombreuses personnes. tu es la personne la plus étonnante que j'aie jamais vue, je t'aime infiniment. (your reaction when you saw that you won another award was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. thank you for studying and working so hard to improve the quality of life for many people. you are the most amazing person I have ever seen, I love you immeasurably.)

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ynusername thank you for you immeasurable support. love you!

user7 HER SMILE

user8 kylian is so in love lol

user9 they’re so cute omg

user10 she’s so adorable

user11 kylian’s support is so important :(

user12 @user11 fr, they are so so cute!!

ynusername has added to their story

ynusername

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ynusername extremely happy to have delivered my beautiful friend's baby, welcome to the world! thank you for believing in me, @marco_verratti92 and @jessicaaidi! the prettiest baby girl ever.

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k.mbappe this baby was born in the healthiest way because she had the best doctor in the world. ❤️ congratulations, friends. 👏🏻

ynusername @k.mbappe i love you!

antonelaroccuzzo so pretty 😍

marco_verratti92 thank you so much ❤️

jessicaaidi we are so happy, thank you for being part of this very special moment in our lives. 🥺💗

georginagio 🥹🥺❤️

ethanmbappe ❤️

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ynusername

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ynusername amazing night with friends 🫶🏻

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k.mbappe i’m so lucky

ynusername @k.mbappe naaaah i’m the lucky one

antonelaroccuzzo hermosísima 😍

ynusername @antonelaroccuzzo te extraño, amiga 😓

ethanmbappe miss you sis

ynusername @ethanmbappe let’s go out next saturday, miss you 💗

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ynusername has added to their story

ynusername

Liked by k.mbappe, leomessi, and 1.023.997 others

ynusername psg’s all-time top scorer. 7️⃣💙 you were born to make history and i am very happy to be able to accompany you as you conquer the world with your talent. you deserve it. i love you! 🤍🫶🏻

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k.mbappe you and me forever, i can't put into words how much you help me everyday. thanks for everything and i love you! 💗

ynusername @k.mbappe 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

leomessi felicidades @k.mbappe por el récord!! 👏🏻

antonelaroccuzzo 😍😍😍

marco_verratti92 starboy!!!!

antogriezmann kyky de bondy ❤️❤️

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k.mbappe has added to their story

k.mbappe

Liked by ynusername, antonelaroccuzzo, and 4.577.018 others

k.mbappe i’m beyond proud of this hardworking woman, thank you for everything. my partner in crime 🤍🫶🏻 i love you.

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ynusername i love you, i love you and i love you.

antonelaroccuzzo 😍❤️

user13 ARGH THEY ARE SO CUTE

user14 the cutest

user15 THE 2ND PIC

user16 i love you both

#kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe fluff #kylian mbappe #kylian mbappe x you #kylian mbappe imagine #kylian mbappe fanfic #football one shot #football x reader #football fanfic #football instagram au #kylian x reader #kylian imagines #football imagine

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zoeykallus · 8 months

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Hi there! I love your headcanons and I was wondering if I could make a personal request. Let me know if this is a no-go.

I have PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, basically PMS [premenstrual syndrome] but 20x worse. It usually resolves upon the onset of the crimson wave. But not all the time.

I have been struggling really badly with the deep depression, insomnia, and self-image issues brought on by my disorder.

Do you think we can see how the Batch handles their fem reader S/O struggling with this disorder specifically? And maybe, if it's not too much, a part 2 with some of our favorite regs?

Thank you so much!

Aloha my dear!

Oh, this is a heavy hitter, I know where you are coming from. So many people out there have no idea how freaking much this can affect someone's life. PMS is already a hard thing to deal with, but PMDD brings it to yet another really shitty level. Don't worry, I got you 😊

The Bad Batch x Afab!Reader HCs - Struggling With PMDD

Warnings: Mention of PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and its symptoms /Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

_______

AC: I'm using Techs Part first to introduce PMDD and its symptoms to those who might not know what it is. So don't be surprised about Tech's Part being longer than the others, there is a lot of information in there. So please read Tech's part, to understand what this is all about 😊

_______

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_______

Tech

The first experiences he has with you in this context are frightening for him. Apart from the fact that you suddenly seem like a completely different person to him, he is really worried about you. But Tech wouldn't be Tech if he didn't get to the bottom of this.

It takes him a little while to find the right material.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a much more severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It may affect women of childbearing age. It’s a severe and chronic medical condition that needs attention and treatment. Lifestyle changes and sometimes medicines can help manage symptoms.

The exact cause of PMDD is not known. It may be an abnormal reaction to normal hormone changes that happen with each menstrual cycle. The hormone changes can cause a serotonin deficiency. Serotonin is a substance found naturally in the brain and intestines that narrows blood vessels and can affect mood and cause physical symptoms.

What are the risk factors for PMDD?

While any woman can develop PMDD, the following may be at increased risk:

Women with a family history of PMS or PMDD

Women with a personal or family history of depression, postpartum depression, or other mood disorders

Other possible risk factors include lower education and cigarette smoking

Talk with your healthcare provider for more information.

"Healthcare provider?" he mumbles softly between reading, "As if any of us have such a thing"

Symptoms of PMDD appear during the week before menstruation and end within a few days after your period starts. These symptoms disrupt daily living tasks. Symptoms of PMDD are so severe that women have trouble functioning at home, at work, and in relationships during this time. This is markedly different than other times during the month.

There is a chart with symptoms and he worriedly starts to read it.

The following are the most common symptoms of PMDD:

Psychological symptoms

Irritability

Nervousness

Lack of control

Agitation

Anger

Insomnia

Difficulty in concentrating

Depression

Severe fatigue

Anxiety

Confusion

Forgetfulness

Poor self-image

Paranoia

Emotional sensitivity

Crying spells

Moodiness

Trouble sleeping

Fluid retention

Swelling of the ankles, hands, and feet

Periodic weight gain

Diminished urine output

Breast fullness and pain

Respiratory problems

Allergies

Infections

Eye complaints

Vision changes

Eye infection

Gastrointestinal symptoms

Abdominal cramps

Bloating

Constipation

Nausea

Vomiting

Pelvic heaviness or pressure

Backache

Skin problems

Acne

Skin inflammation with itching

Aggravation of other skin disorders, including cold sores

Neurologic and vascular symptoms

Headache

Dizziness

Fainting

Numbness, prickling, tingling, or heightened sensitivity of arms and/or legs

Easy bruising

Heart palpitations

Muscle spasms

Other

Decreased coordination

Painful menstruation

Diminished sex drive

Appetite changes

Food cravings

Hot flashes

His brows are drawn together critically. With a heavy sigh, he says quietly to himself, "Oh boy…"

Tech makes it his business to see that you are examined by a proper doctor, given appropriate medication, and change your diet. He sometimes seems stern and matter-of-fact, but only when he notices you neglecting yourself. Tech also pampers you to counteract the psychological symptoms, with picnics, massages and the like.

Don't worry too much, Tech's got your back. He won't give up on you.

Hunter

His senses already tell him what connections exist with your condition. But of course he is not a doctor and therefore informs himself accordingly without your knowledge, Tech helps him. What he learns frightens him, Hunter is really worried, and he makes it his mission to make this time, these symptoms, easier for you. Apart from making sure you always have the medication you need at hand, he is also much more attentive and caring than usual during this time.

You can let yourself go and not have to worry about anything, Hunter takes everything in hand and has it under control. He is especially gentle and forgiving with you during this time. You mean a lot to him, and he does his absolute best to help you.

He doesn't argue with you when you get your moods, if you want to be alone he respects that, but keeps an eye on you from a safe distance, just in case.

Echo

This sweet man really throws himself into the task of helping you. Whether it's getting your medications, preparing food, massages, and running relaxing baths, Echo has it all covered.

With him by your side, you will want for nothing during this difficult time. He is also not easily scared away, he is as patient as he is stubborn. You don't have to go to the doctor alone, Echo will accompany you.

He organizes your medication, your diet and everything else you need, if you want. If you don't, you must tell him clearly, because Echo will automatically see his task in taking care of everything.

Wrecker

He is warm, and lively. Contrary to the expectations of most, he is also very sensitive and attentive. Of course, he does not miss the fact that something is wrong with you. Of course, he is worried and wants to help.

Talk to him honestly, try not to withdraw, and you will have a steadfast supporter and caretaker in Wrecker. He likes to spoil you, make sure you are taken care of and have your medication.

Wrecker is happy to adapt to you, you just need to communicate with him and let him know what you need. Taking care of you is very easy for him, he likes to do that. Knowing that he can make things easier for you is also good for him in this situation. So confide in him, there is absolutely no reason to pretend in front of him.

Crosshair

He is a bit more complicated at first. Of course, you are incredibly important to him, and he also has a certain empathy, but he often stands in his own way when it comes to emotional, interpersonal things.

At first, he can't really deal with it at all and is looking for some distance at this time. But in a small conversation between brothers, in which Hunter makes it clear to him that his behavior sooner or later can seriously damage your relationship, Crosshair first informs himself more precisely about the existing problem. Finally, he approaches you with the knowledge he has gathered and tries to discuss with you what you can do together as a couple, what he can do as your partner to make the whole thing easier for you.

You talk about medications, doctor visits, relaxation techniques, and home remedies to combat some symptoms. It doesn't take long for the two of you to work out a certain routine that you can both manage and that he can use to help you get through this time okay.

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

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c0rpseductor · 3 months

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i think one of the really frustrating parts about my ocd is like

i have the lying by omission or being accidentally misleading fear a LOT (esp as it relates to disclosing my abuse history) and also the same compulsion to seek reassurance as like anybody with ocd, but i also have this terrible thing where i recognize that my thoughts are unhelpful and illogical but get convinced that if i talked about them people would be mad at me.

like if i mentioned as an example "donation posts are bad for my ocd bc i feel morally obligated to reblog them and experience serious anxiety and discomfort until i do, and if they have any guilt-inducing language it compounds the effect" then my fear ends up that people would respond like "well it IS your obligation and you are being a bad person by making it all about you and comforting you in your privilege." basically like worrying that actually my ocd IS reasonable and those standards ARE objective and people WILL be mad if i try to work on it.

and ofc that also makes it really hard when i DO say or do something wrong related to my ocd, bc then i will have weird anxiety about it for ages but not be able to tell anybody or ask for help managing it down to reasonable levels of guilt bc then i'll feel like that's "making it about myself" and that actually the guilt is the only thing tethering me to acceptable behavior and so on. and usually the thing i've done wrong is small, so it's like, i feel ridiculous for being upset about being Evil Forever And Needing To Always Atone And Watch My Behavior over basically nothing. and then that ALSO makes me feel like i'm making it about myself and need to be watched and disciplined EVEN MORE. so even the smallest thing i do wrong can send me into like ages of self-policing and "you are so [insert bigotry here] and if you don't [list of compulsions] you will be irredeemably awful. [list of compulsions] is the only way to make up for what you've done. reaching out for help just means you don't want to accept the necessary discomfort that comes from being good and care more about your personal comfort than what is morally correct."

And this is just how i live my life every day and i have to try to just deal with that without having insane incredibly visible meltdowns which is always literally all my brain wants me to do bc part of me will hope people see that and Absolve me of my usually imagined wrongdoing. but this emotional reaction also counts as Bad (see above).

idk why im really going into all this beyond that i wish more people understood what moral ocd is like and how it manifests and that people who have it are not just like, chronically online or whatever. ive had my ocd symptoms made fun of as me being like, too much of a tumblrina goodie two shoes who needs to lighten up before, and it's really frustrating. like believe it or not i KNOW most of this makes no goddamn sense, but i have a mental illness that causes anxious obsessive spirals and compulsive behavior to mitigate that crushing anxiety, so outside of ERP or medication i cannot in fact Just Chill. like it's not a personality flaw of too much prudishness OR being too self-concerned and fragile to do The Work of unlearning bias (attitude i have also seen about ocd symptoms). it's a fucking disability

#uhh ask to tag

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deathlygristly · 13 days

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Sometimes I find things I wrote online a long time ago and they contain memories that I no longer have.

I've seen that post about what would you have posted about if you were on here when you were 11, and I was like hmmm, the Holocaust, My Little Pony, ACC basketball, Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allan Poe, The Little Mermaid, Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, and also apparently according to the old posts I found Gandhi and MLK Jr. It would appear that several years ago I remembered a fascination with them coming after the interest in the Holocaust.

Which makes sense, I guess. Little me trying to find some hope in humanity afterwards. I mean, that is around the time my mother signed me up for Big Brother, Big Sister. I heard her on the phone saying that she didn't know what to do with me and I was terrified she was giving me up for adoption. Turned out it was more that she didn't know how to handle an existentially depressed preteen who would look at the most beautiful spring days and imagine smoke rising from the crematorium.

Also when I wrote those posts I was having a similar reaction about healthcare here in the US, trying to find a way to live in a world where I was under the control of other members of my species who were fine with extreme suffering and cruelty and who enjoyed causing it. It was shortly after the ulcer where my choices were to go to the ER or die, so the cost of healthcare here was on my mind a lot.

Then came Trump, and finally my choices were adapt to living on the same planet as humans or die. I chose to adapt. Got medication for the anxiety and managed to find some level of seeing and appreciating the most beautiful spring days and being extremely happy with that and just letting the human darkness go so I could live.

So if I don't reblog much political content on here and I unfollow/block people I don't know well who reblog a lot of the darker and more vicious stuff, it's because of that choice. Me talking about how awesome the spousal person is, about how it's fun to watch kdramas and try teas with him, about how cool the cats are, etc - that's all me choosing to live.

Humans are gonna human and I can't stop it or control it or do anything about it, but I can appreciate beauty and I can laugh and I can pet cats and I can hug the spousal person and I can live as well as I can, since I was born on this planet and I have no other choice anyway.

It is still interesting and fun occasionally to wonder about how humans work and to try to understand where the cruelty and enjoyment of causing suffering comes from or even how much of it is the result of conscious choice and how much of it is just the unfortunate result of how human brains work in certain situations.

And if anything trying to learn about that more has helped, because the more I've learned the more I've realized that a lot of it comes from a cycle of abuse and trauma and how human brains react to that cycle, and how most humans aren't scary monsters who enjoy hurting others. They're mostly just traumatized and/or ignorant and/or trying to survive as best they know how and/or desperate to stay included in their tribe. They're more pitiful than scary, and I mean pitiful as in inspiring much pity, not as an insult.

I think probably the only thing I can do about humans being human is to try to be kind and help others, and doing what I can to keep myself joyful helps with that.

I don't know. Anyway tonight we're going to pick up a sanity pill refill, aka escitalopram, and eat at our favorite restaurant, so we'll only have time for one episode. Which there aren't any new shows airing today that we're into so it'll be an episode of Faith, aka The Great Doctor. It's from 2012 when kdramas did not have the budget they have now and it's very amusing. Also it's from before the Joseon Exorcist controversy so it's actually based on real history near the end of the Goryeo dynasty and it's fun learning about the real people the characters are based on.

#dgpersonal #long post

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yokelish · 1 year

Text

So here's a fun story of mine.

I respect medical professionals. And by that, I mean good medical professionals.

About four years ago I started to seriously try to figure out why my headaches and migraines were getting progressively worse with age. And other symptoms started to appear too: nausea, sensitivity to light and sounds, loss of time and vision, absence of short-term memory, extreme exhaustion, and neck pain. So much pain. There were days when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and whine from pain.

So, I did what any rational adult would. And got a medical appointment. A physician looked at me, ordered a few blood tests, and asked about my family history, etc.

In the end, I was given a very mediocre medication the details of which don't matter. But I had to take it every day because it was preventative. And for a while, it seemed like it worked. But I had a bad reaction to the medication and it had to be removed. Once I was put off the medication, it all returned just as before. I remember telling my partner at the time without a hint of irony if I had a gun in this house, today would be my last day alive. That's how miserable I felt at that time.

So, I was directed to a neurologist. And I went. And he did what a neurologist does. Then I asked him if I should get an MRI, just to be sure, just so we know it's definitely not the brain. He said it wasn't needed.

He said it wasn't uncommon for women to have migraines. In fact, women are more likely to get them.

Yes, some of your other symptoms are a bit unusual but they are temporary.

He said I passed all the tests, and I was fine.

He said if I didn't have any recent head traumas, it was quite unnecessary.

It's a complex procedure (spoiler: it isn't), why would you want to be on a waitlist for months for nothing?

And so I didn't push him. I had to go through a drug trial to find what worked for my migraines now. I was tested for intracranial hypertension; they suggested lifestyle changes. Little adjustments to help out with the headaches and neck tension. And then slowly I grew complacent with it. Put the frog in boiling water and it will jump right out. But put in cold water and slowly heat it up, it won't be able to tell the difference. Life started to happen. I buried a friend. The pandemic. My MDD started to take priority over the headaches.

And then I almost went fully blind in one eye for 15 minutes. For no apparent reason.

What were you doing when it happened?

Uuugh, nothing. I was just reading in bed, laying funny. When I started losing vision in my left eye, I thought it was eye strain. But about two minutes later I realized it sure wasn't that. I immediately got up and went to my partner. When I explained what was happening to me and we got ready to go to the hospital, it started to come back. That's why I am here.

That didn't happen.

What?

And the neck pain was increasing. The intensity of the pain in my head kept increasing. The periods of those episodes continued to grow.

I have since moved. Got a new physician. And, I guess, I had a bad episode. There was a day I was in pain, I was miserable. I made an appointment ASAP. He is a great doctor. He is willing to put up with my demands for MDD medication, migraines. Even the smallest ear infections. There wasn't a time I came to him with a problem and he tried to rationalize it to me.

Ear infection?

Yes, you have it. It doesn't seem serious right now, so just over-the-counter medication will do. But if you don't feel any better, or even worse tomorrow, do let me know.

So, after that bad episode, I decided I can't be fucked anymore. Enough is enough. The pain was unbearable. I am a working, reasonably healthy adult, I can't be in this much pain without a cause. Unless they've checked for everything, EVERYTHING in the books and it came empty, only then would I accept that this pain was something I had to live with.

What I did was fucked up. Don't do that. But what I said to him, I meant with every cell of my being.

I want an MRI. And if it comes empty, order whatever test you can think of, no matter how invasive. Because this pain is getting worse, there are days when holding up my head is a conscious task. There are days when doing anything other than lying horizontally is a teeth-grinding endeavor. When I lower my chin, I can feel something along my spine, like a cord being pulled, not in a healthy muscle-stretching way, there is a tension that I don't think should be there.

And then he asked me how bad I would rate the pain on the worst day.

If this pain continues to increase at the rate it has been, I won't be alive by the time I am 31. I will take my own life.

And I was ordered an MRI. Not to say how ridiculously long I had to wait for an hour-long procedure where a big loud machine just scans your head.

And the doctor's office for the first time asks me to come in for the test results.

Your brain is healthy. But we found something in your neck.

And I felt giddy like a child who was promised candy. I wasn't insane. It wasn't "one of those things that women have to deal with". Fuck you, the professional who told me this. I sincerely hope you get sued. I'd sue you myself but I can't be fucked to be bothered with that right now.

My health care professional suspects syringomyelia. A fluid cyst in my spinal cord. I will have to go through more tests to see what it is for sure, what is the cause, and how bad it's gotten.

The point is

If one fucker decided to listen and not to rationalize a woman HER OWN Pain, if one fucker agreed to order a fairly simple medical test, perhaps this cyst probably could have been discovered THREE-MOTHERFUCKING-YEARS AGO.

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worth-more-than-two-thousand · 3 years

Text

Omega’s Observations

Request: Congrats on starting the blog!! Pumped to have a new writer's work to read 🥰 If you need some requests, how about an echo/gn!medic reader who he develops a crush on, for a little of that sweet sweet mutual pining action✨ Dunno if you write pre-citadel or just BB echo, but I'm happy with either. Have a good weekend!! :) (@krussyfed)

Author’s Note: Whew! This took a while for me to get to a place where I felt good about posting it. Honestly, as most of my writing does, it got a bit away from me, but that’s because I love fleshing out a story, showing-not-telling, and building on events from the canon. But if I saw this through until the end, I probably wouldn’t end up posting this for months! So I hope what I have here is worth the wait, and if you want more, let me know!

Story Notes: Unbeta’ed, no obvious warnings.

🖑 🖑 🖑 🖑 🖑 🖑 🖑

Ask her brothers to describe her, and ‘still and quiet’ would not be two of the words any of them would use.

Hunter would call her curious to a fault, then ruffle her hair to let her know that he meant it in the nicest way possible.

Wrecker would boom with laughter, proclaiming her one of them (“Always ready for action and adventurin’! Let’s go get those gundarks!”).

Tech would probably consider for a moment, then use a four-syllable word. Like effervescent.

Echo would call her young and energetic, but his brow would furrow as though this might be a bad thing. Then he would inevitably follow up with a reminder to stay within sight and keep out of trouble. She didn’t mind. She knew he just worried about her. Omega would always reassure him that she would keep close to her brothers. Of course, whether it actually happened was usually another thing.

Crosshair, if he was with them, would probably call her troublesome.

But really, this was a tactical advantage. Her brothers never expected her to be still and quiet, so she could settle in and be observant when it was least expected of her.

Omega was actually quite accustomed to being taciturn, at least when she needed to be. Her time with Nala Se, after all, was mostly like this.

Watching over like a stone guardian as Nala Se pored over the capsules containing her modified brothers…

...being as unobtrusive as possible during another endless meeting with Lama Su…

...laying noiselessly and without complaint as Nala Se inserted a needle into her arm for yet another blood sample…

These days, Omega could be as boisterous and vivacious (two more words Tech had taught her) as she wanted to be, so long as there was no chance of enemies being around. The only time she was obediently still by choice during these times was when she was being treated by Y/N, Clone Force 99’s on-board medic.

Again, this was mostly out of habit from her time with Nala Se, but it wasn’t as bad. For one thing, Y/N fielded all of Omega’s questions with unending patience. And their hands were less clinical, more gentle than Omega was used to. Nala Se was efficient, not a movement wasted in her examinations. Y/N, however, always offered a comforting touch on the back after a scary encounter, and would gently but firmly place their hands on Omega’s face to look her in the eye to assess emotional well-being.

The first time Y/N had done this was on the Ordo Moon, as Y/N was finishing wrapping up Omega’s small scratches on her hands and knees from her misadventures in the underground tunnels.

At this point, not used to such close eye contact, Omega averted her eyes and looked over Y/N’s shoulder for something to distract her from the unusual awkwardness she felt.

Her eyes met Echo’s.

Her awkwardness vanished as he seemed to startle, a faint flush appearing on his neck, as he coughed, crossed his arms, and turned away, suddenly much more interested in examining the ship’s ceiling than anything else.

What an interesting reaction. Her brain filed it away, curiosity piqued.

Then, over the course of a few weeks, Omega confirmed her suspicions.

Echo was always watching Y/N. Echo liked Y/N.

Omega caught him absentmindedly gazing at Y/N’s hands as they tapped thoughtfully on a datapad while Wrecker carried new medical inventory aboard the Marauder during a supply run.

After Wrecker’s successful inhibitor chip removal on Bracca, and Tech volunteered to go next, Omega watched Y/N’s hands fly across the medical controls, fierce determination sharpening their features. Glancing up, she saw that Echo’s attention was similarly arrested, a look on his face that was bordering very close to adoration.

He seemed most captivated by Y/N’s hands, however, whenever they were treating him personally for any ailments or injuries. Echo always sat pin straight, almost comedically robotic (it would be funnier, but his history brought a sort of cruel irony to the thought) and allowing Y/N to turn his body and maneuver his prosthetic arm however was needed without any fidgeting or complaint.

But his eyes were another story. Darting back and forth everywhere their fingers touched, such a stoniness to his face that Omega was certain he was committing every graze, every feather-light touch, to memory. Y/N, as always, was so focused on the medical work that they never seemed to notice.

Omega saw things, though. Echo was like Y/N’s shadow, often slipping into the same room or area Y/N was in, like a ghost. She observed with fascination how he always angled himself to face her whenever there was a conversation in the cockpit. It didn’t matter if it was just the two of them, or if the entire squad was there and discussing a mission, it was as though he had attuned himself to wherever Y/N happened to be and was drawn to them.

Like a sunflower always facing the sun.

She saw in the field how Echo, not Hunter, was usually the one to call the Marauder to check in or alert Y/N to any injuries that would need to be treated when they returned. How the space between his brows would crease whenever they would radio in but only receive the static of communications interference.

Or worse, no answer at all.

Echo wouldn’t say anything, but Omega felt that her brother’s steps would quicken, just a little. And she wasn’t sure she was just imagining a sudden sense of urgency in the air as they completed the mission, with just a bit more efficiency, a bit more ruthlessness than was usual.

Omega saw how Echo always let out a tiny breath in relief, as though he had been holding it the whole time, whenever they returned to the Marauder with its medic unharmed.

And she would never forget that one time they had returned to the Marauder, doors blasted open, interior trashed, with no medic in sight and droplets of blood leading away from the ship.

Omega had never been in war, had only heard about it passively from the conversations between Nala Se and Lama Su, then a bit more directly from her brothers once she was allowed out of the private lab.

She had once asked Tech about the war, but his response clearly paled in comparison to the dark look on Echo’s face, as they battled their way through enemy after enemy to rescue Y/N.

Omega felt as though she understood war a little bit more after this. At least its motivations.

It took longer for Omega to figure out whether her brother’s feelings were reciprocated. Y/N’s affection wasn’t as obvious, but the trick was to watch more for their actions than in body language.

Since Y/N and Tech slept the least, they would swap bunks and so were usually on opposite sleep schedules. This meant that Y/N would stay up late into the night well after the rest of the boys had retired to their bunks, face alight in the glow of a datapad. They would concentrate fiercely, chewing on their thumbnail and pausing often to tap notes into the margins.

Omega eventually managed to snatch and break into Y/N’s data pad, and saw that they were working their way through a series of medical journals, detailing the latest treatment for prosthetics. There were also several articles on treating post-traumatic stress disorder for former prisoners of war.

Omega had even checked Y/N’s search history, and discovered that they had been using an encrypted channel to search for chatter on the whereabouts of the former 501st legion and its various members. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Y/N had much luck so far, but if the number of searches were any indication, they weren’t giving up.

Omega wondered incredulously how none of her other brothers had yet caught on to the two’s clearly mutual affection for each other. Until she realized that no, they already knew.

Once, when Omega had offered Echo some of her Mantell Mix, Echo had sniffed it, much to her amusement. Her giggles subsided immediately when Echo murmured apologetically that he sometimes had trouble digesting pretty much any food that wasn’t nutritional paste, due to half his digestive system being completely artificial.

Of course, this meant that he must have been experiencing constant abdominal discomfort, as they hadn’t had any nutritional paste on the ship since their escape from Kamino. Hunter once mentioned to her that even the plainest of rations seemed to bother him, but he gamely never complained.

One day, Hunter was giving out rations in the cockpit, and had already given Tech and Wrecker their usual. Then he pulled out a green, unlabeled squeeze packet instead of the usual rations bar, and handed it to Echo, who took it with some confusion.

“What’s this?”

“New brand. It should be easier on your digestive systems than the usual stuff. Tastier, too.”

Echo glanced at the packet skeptically, unscrewing the cap and sniffing at its contents.

“It smells...fresh?”

“Try it,” Hunter urged him, to which Echo obediently tried a small amount.

His mouth rounded in a surprised ‘oh’. Omega wished she could have captured the look on his face with a holovid. He stared at the packet in his hands, with a look that was a bit like wonder and amazement.

This didn’t escape Wrecker’s notice, who immediately stood up in protest. “What? Why does Echo get something new to eat?” He glanced forlornly at the slightly crumpled, stale rations bar in his hand. “I want some!”

“They’re too expensive for your appetite, Wrecker,” Hunter replied, just a bit too quickly, though none of the others seemed to notice. “Besides, you probably wouldn’t like it.”

“I’ll be the judge of that!” Wrecker proclaimed, swiping the packet from Echo’s hands despite Hunter’s attempt to chastise him. Wrecker took a giant slurp.

...and immediately spat it out, some of it splattering on poor Gronk.

“Blech! That tastes weird.”

“Probably because it’s made of fruits and vegetables,” Tech said dryly, “Your palette likely isn’t sophisticated enough to appreciate the subtle bitterness and natural sweetness that are characteristic of those food categories.”

Echo eyed Hunter skeptically. “And we have the money to keep buying these?”

Hunter hummed, closing the rations box and turning away from the cockpit. “Omega’s paying for it from her holochess winnings.” She startled at the sudden mention of her name. “We have extra to spare, for now.” Hunter subtly winked at her when the others weren’t looking.

“Oh. Thank you, Omega,” said Echo, looking at her with true gratitude. Omega flushed a bit, but mostly because it actually didn’t have anything to do with her. She played along, however, and insisted it was no problem. It did seem to make him happy, so there was no harm in a small lie like that, right?

She cornered Hunter later, though, and insisted on him telling her the truth. After wearing him down a bit, he finally relented.

“Okay, but you can’t tell the others, all right? Believe me, I’ve already tried to talk them out of it. But Y/N has been doing some medical work on the side, working at one of the clinics near Cid’s bar. They’ve been using the money to buy these.”

Omega’s face screwed up in confusion. “Why can’t you just tell Echo that?”

Hunter sighed. “Because they don’t want Echo to know. Figures that Echo wouldn’t like them going out on their own to work in the slums for his sake. They’re probably right, of course.” He rubbed at his forehead, a sure sign of an impending headache.

Omega frowned, then decided to go for it.

“You know they like each other, right?”

Hunter blinked at her, looking surprised. At her determined stare, he gave a sigh and muttered something like, ‘I’m getting too old for this’. He proceeded to explain patiently to her that perhaps Echo and Y/N liked each other, but pointed out how awkward or difficult it could be to have a romantic relationship in such close quarters, especially when they as a team also had bigger things to worry about.

It sounded like Hunter had given this exact speech at least twice before.

So Tech and Wrecker knew, then, but were being polite about it (or, in Wrecker’s case, had probably gotten an earful from Hunter earlier about tact and ‘minding one’s own business’).

Well. That wouldn’t do.

By the time Echo got up the nerve to say anything, he’d probably be old! (Omega wouldn’t, but she tried not to think too hard about that particular fact.)

So, she began to scheme. Quietly.

She had the tactical advantage, after all.

#fic request #arc trooper echo #echo x you #echo x reader #echo #tbb echo #star wars tbb #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #tbb omega #echo x g/n reader #unbeta'd

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shelbywanders · 3 years

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“Dear pregnant, glowing, happy friend,

Let’s cut to the chase: Yes I did ignore the scan photo, the maternity pictures where I’m sure you’re gently holding your swelling bump & gazing wistfully into the distance (I haven’t looked to be honest) and your invitation to the baby shower. There are no hearts or comments from me on those. I’ve put you on mute.

You have plenty of friends, half of whom are pregnant like you so I hoped you wouldn’t notice, but you clearly have. I hear you’re a bit upset with me over this. I’m honestly not a horrible person, so here’s why you’re suddenly dead to me, and I hope that you can try to understand:

I can’t stand looking at pregnant women at the moment, and unfortunately I can’t make an exception for you. Yes, you’re more than a walking womb – you’re my friend & we’ve got history, so how dare I ignore you just because you got pregnant, right? What kind of evil witch does that?

This cuts both ways though – as my friend you know exactly what I’ve been through trying to get pregnant. You see, I’m currently an infertile woman and you’re a pregnant woman, and absolutely everyone is happy to throw my mental health under a bus to make a fuss of you. Including you. I’m expected to suck it up for you, but it’s the end of the world if I expect the same consideration. That’s just the way it is apparently – I don’t make the rules.

We have all said “Be kind!” but do we mean it?

It doesn’t matter how much we say “be kind!” and “mental health is important!” when you’re a woman that’s not able to make babies. My mental health matters less than a like on a picture of a scan to some people – and definitely less than a party. You can withdraw our friendship because you think that I owe you the appropriate amount of fawning over your baby shower, even though you know I’m in the middle of IVF. Yes, that sounds appalling, I’m not proud of saying that, but as I will continue to mention – this is a mental health issue – it’s not about manners.

It is not your fault that you don’t understand what’s going on with women like me, and I’m not actually mad with you for that. I’m mad with a society that treats infertile women like they’re selfishly making a fuss, if they dare to try and excuse themselves from the carnival of joy that follows a pregnant woman into the office and beyond. That seems to forget about us & then gets annoyed when it’s reminded that we do exist. That can laugh kindly and be understanding about the emotional behaviour of a pregnant woman, but is quick to label us selfish or drama queens or jealous, if we are sensitive about trauma triggers such as pregnancy. It feels like we’re pitted against each other somehow, and it’s so unfair. We have phrases like “hormones” and “baby brain” to ensure that we make space for a pregnant woman’s reactions and emotions, but we don’t have a way to tactfully say to pregnant women “Hey, maybe you should give your friend with fertility struggles some space and not shove that big old pretty bump in her face right now!”

Of course pregnant women are in a vulnerable and unique position, and pregnancy is hard and of course we should all look out for them. I’m just saying – anonymously, because I know how deep this goes in society, that maybe we don’t have to routinely disregard the mental health of infertility sufferers, for the sake of special parties and social niceties? Those things could take place without us. You could graciously excuse us from all of that, if you knew how deep our suffering runs.

Instead we’re expected to fawn over people who (innocently) trigger our deepest feelings of sadness and anger, with a fake smile on our face and a congratulations card – and I’m sick of it. We’re all sick of it, but I’m just especially sick of it at the moment. I don’t deserve it – and you don’t deserve this bitter version of me that exists at the moment. What if I could just say hey – congratulations but I’m just having a hard time with this because I can’t get pregnant myself. You could say “OK, good luck with that. Not going to be offended if you don’t get involved right now, but you’re always welcome in the future!”

What if we could handle infertility vs pregnancy better?

So we don’t currently handle it that well, and I’m going to miss your whole pregnancy, and that’s obviously a big deal, right? I don’t actually want to miss a huge chunk of your life, but here’s the kicker – I have to. For my mental health. Because it’s just as important as your mental health. You, as a woman who hasn’t had fertility issues, and apparently got pregnant just by glancing at your husband’s penis in the shower- have no idea what’s happening to me. You will think – as society tells you to, that I am being bitter and uncaring and mean because it’s just in my nature to be like that. That I’m making it “all about me”, when I actually just want to slink away unnoticed. But why would you know any better if no-one ever tells you this stuff or talks about it? Can we just bloody stop this merry-go-round and get real about it please? I’m not mean or uncaring – I’m just struggling with pregnancy. Including yours.

Give me a pass for heaven’s sake. I couldn’t even cope if my cat got pregnant right now, never mind someone I went shopping at Tammy Girl with. Pregnancy is deeply, horribly triggering when you desperately wanted a baby and tried your hardest, but instead you had a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, a failed embryo implant, an ectopic pregnancy, a termination for medical reasons or a stillbirth. Show me a woman with fertility struggles who hasn’t had at least one of those. A scan is the very last thing you want to look at. A baby shower is the last place in the universe you want to be. But I’m not allowed to simply say “Thanks so much for the invite, truly happy for you but can’t deal with pregnancy RN because I’m doing IVF again” in case it impinges for five seconds upon your fairy-tale. I wonder if I’ll be the same if I ever get pregnant. Probably not, knowing what I know now.

Fertility struggles have given me a new perspective

So what is it that I know now? That infertility is traumatic. That IVF is mentally and physically hard, and it doesn’t always work. That it can cause relationship strain and feelings of inadequacy and mental health challenges galore. Financial struggles. Hormonal drugs. Constant stupid comments from people who don’t understand. There’s something else too.

Women with fertility issues have to track everything – periods, ovulations and appointments. They are often acutely aware of how old their own lost and maybe-babies would have been at any given time, as well as the ongoing sense of loss they experience from not being able to have a baby. Nature has a really cruddy way of timing baby showers in the same month as our due-dates that never were. Your baby shower is two weeks after my due date 2 years ago. I should be bringing my nearly 2 year old with me. See, I told you we track everything.

Do you really want me to explain that I’d be bringing the baggage of my lost child with me to this party? Do I owe you that? Or could you, you know, just be understanding that baby showers might just be a little bit hard for someone that’s been trying to get pregnant for longer than you’ve known your husband?

So that’s my confession, and I’m going to passive-aggressively post it on my wall and hope that you read it. I can’t come to you with my truth, because I’d risk “stressing you out” and “making it all about me” if I did. I can’t just suck it up, because my mental health is too fragile for that right now. So here I am as a woman with fertility struggles, asking for a little understanding from my friends. Can we call a truce? Can we be more honest with each other? Can we accept that pregnancy is wonderful for you but hard for others? As a woman trying so hard for a baby, I live in hope.”

https://bestfertility-now.com/letter-to-my-pregnant-friend-your-happiness-and-my-mental-health-are-not-compatible/?fbclid=IwAR2YARsPG6r_GLntyasTkwhf_fVJ_XTfG6YbMX6BEdpa6BGOlh9jR1EaB5g

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yukipri · 3 years

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Bad Batch end of season thoughts/ramble, bc it's been a week and I just wanna get it all off my chest...

(end of season spoilers and very disorganized rambling)

First off, I do want to say that I enjoyed watching the show. It fulfilled its primary purpose: entertainment. It was nice having something to look forward to every week, and even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, it was fun. The animation was gorgeous, I liked all the references and tie ins. I will likely watch it again, and will watch season 2. This is by no means meant to be a hate post.

That being said, it is critical so please just skip if you're not into that!

The thing is...it takes very, Very little for me to love a clone. He doesn't need lines, or a face, or even a name, and the default is that I will love him. He can even be a little bastard, like Slick, and it's fine. I always want to know more about them, and wish they had more screen time and time in general to develop their characters. So given that we were getting 16 (20 eps total if we count TCW S7 pilot arc) centered around these guys, I was expecting to absolutely adore them by the end.

And I wanted to love the Bad Batch, I wanted to love them so damn much, and I tried. But I think one of the reasons why they never fully clicked for me was that their thing seems to be "we're unique, we never fit in, we're outsiders in our own home, among the people who are supposed to be our own family, and so we've found our home with each other."

Which! That's usually a wonderful message, and not a particularly rare or unique one either for stories! I usually dig these kinds of stories!

The problem here is the extremely unique situation of the clones. They are literally created to be identical, brain washed to be uniform. They must conform, or are killed off by their creators, and their conformity isn't a choice in the slightest, but one of fear and necessity.

Their uniformity is something that they are also entirely aware of--it's unavoidable, they're clones. Once out in the real galaxy, they all strive to find and establish unique identities for themselves, struggling against a galaxy that just wants them to be faceless products. It's a shared struggle, and all they have are each other, and their brotherhood is sacred as a result. Shunning unique identity is the opposite of who a clone is--it's what they all want.

So on one hand, it's understandable that the Batch stuck out (when all others who would have also stuck out were culled, when individuality isn't allowed). It's understandable that they would have yearned for the brotherhood shared by the other clones, and when they couldn't have it, they stuck closer to each other. It's even understandable that they would feel bitter, having experienced bullying at the hands of the other clones (but isn't it also understandable that the other clones would feel bitter that the Batch gets special treatment, when their own brothers with less-than-beneficial mutations were taken by the Kaminoans to never return?).

And so we have this batch of clones, who the Kaminoans call "mutated," but also specify that their mutations are "desirable" (implying what happens to mutations that are undesirable...). They have their own unique unit, in which they're able to improvise and act freely with seemingly little to no oversight, so long as they complete their mission. No Jedi to obey, no nat-born officers who look down on them. In fact, they look so different from standard clone troopers that most of the galaxy probably don't even know they are clones. They have their own ship (personalized), they have their own possessions (which we don't really see any other clones have), they have their own barracks (probably also very unique), and they even have access to superior weapons and armor (most of the Batch, minus Echo, seem to be wearing modified Katarn-class armor which is supposed to be for Commandos. we KNOW it holds up better than standard trooper armor).

So I'm sure they had some unpleasant experiences growing up, and I do get it. But at least at "present" end of clone wars, they honestly seem to be living infinitely better than all other clones? They still need to follow orders but they have more freedom, and perhaps most importantly, they have clear uniqueness that is denied almost all other clones. And yes, some of the clones on Kamino bully them, but we've seen NONE of the "regular" clones that we know to be particularly nasty to them, and in fact it's Crosshair who starts it by calling them "Regs."

And how does the Batch respond to this situation? By acting superior. It's Crosshair who says and it believes this firmly, and I do feel that the others are likely mostly influenced by this, but it's also true that Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech don't really deny this either. They don't like the "regs," they do act like they're "better." Poor Echo, who they repeatedly seem to forget is in the room, and who they call "machine" and such...yikes yo

So I guess the point is, I just really struggled to feel sympathetic towards them, and was already on a kinda eh about their premise. They're marketed as "the special clone squad"--and yet they're not nice to the clones I love. I thought that wasn't great, but also hoped that the series would work towards them understanding the other clones better, and I love character development so that woulda been fine--but, nothing. A glance from Hunter at Howzer. Extended camaraderie from Gregor, who I feel they mostly just tolerate for the mission, other than Echo who genuinely cares.

And on top of feeling not feeling particularly sympathetic towards what I saw as a pretty privileged group of clones, the Batch seems to place primary blame of their woes on the "regs" themselves, who again, honestly seem far worse off! There isn't blame directed at the people who demanded the conformity from the other clones in the first place, that made it so the Batch couldn't fit in. The Batch was modified due to the Kaminoans (and implied specifically Nala Se). She's the reason why they don't fit in. And the Kaminoans are also why the other clones have to be so uniform, why they must fight to be people and not products.

Bitterness and pettiness can be fine in characters. But it's frustrating to see in a group supposed to be competent and elite, especially when those feelings have consequences. Sure, it sucks when someone throws a food tray at you. You can throw food back. It's not an equal reaction to feel no remorse when you shoot that guy dead in a blaster fight, when for all other clones, having to kill another clone is one of the most horrible, tragic things that one can do (thanks, Umbara).

Fives was the only clone to actually point a blaster at Nala Se.

We know Omega has deeply personal history with Nala Se. She was Nala Se's personal medical assistant. We see her cry when she takes off her head ornament that matches Nala Se. We know that being back in the lab gives Omega complicated, and probably not entirely positive feelings. But we barely learn more about this relationship, other than these glimpses.

And I get the feeling that to Omega at least, Nala Se wasn't all terrible. If Omega grew up with mostly only Nala Se for company, she had to have gotten her sheltered outlook on life, and her willingness to help others from somewhere. Nala Se intentionally let Omega go, to be "safe."

I think Omega's adorable, and I do like her. But I wasn't able to fully love her to the extent I wanted to, because there was always the fear that she was involved in the creation and implantation of the chips. She knows about them, she would have been positioned to do so. I want to think she would never, and I was hoping the show would reassure us of that, but it never did. We don't actually know how Omega feels about Nala Se, or even the chips and their presence in other clones. Instead, all we know is that Omega doesn't like "regs."

And again, "they call me lab scrubber," and "I helped put (or am complicit in putting) mind control devices in their heads," are kinda, unequal. Again I hope it's not the case. But it definitely kept me feeling uneasy throughout the show.

It really boils down to I don't trust or forgive Nala Se, and the Batch's lack of stance against her and the other Kaminoans, and clear distaste for their other clone brothers, really puts them in a situation that makes it difficult for me to take their side entirely.

And then gosh, Hunter. During Crosshair's whole "you never came back for me," spiel, I couldn't help but think he's kinda right. He had 15 episodes. Sure, it's difficult to get Crosshair back. But they could have done something. They could have done research. We could have had scenes of them wondering where Crosshair is, discussions on how best to find him, even if that discussion ended in, "but we can't risk it right now." They could have grilled Omega for information on the chips, which they really shoulda done either way, but especially since that knowledge is important to understanding what (they thought had) happened to Crosshair. Instead, they just ran every time Crosshair showed up. The show could have done better to show that they cared, and were trying, instead of just, y'know, doing chores for Cid. One, "I kinda miss him," doesn't really count as working on getting him back, at least in my books.

The sole exception to all of this, of course, is Echo. Who really, he works with the Batch fine, he's a former ARC and can more than keep up. Skillset-wise, he fits in well enough. But this season really made me wonder why he's with them at all. Crosshair's revelation and true feelings at the end of the season were no surprise to me, as they're consistent with what we've seen of him from TCW S7. But for Echo, a former "reg" to have to work with someone like Crosshair...even if Crosshair thought Echo was "different" enough to accept him, those are his brothers that Crosshair thinks he's so superior to, and has no issue speaking disdainfully about.

The increasing tension between Echo and Hunter, Echo's interest in helping Rex, in helping other clones, in doing something...I do hope they reach a point where Echo demands they go help, or he's leaving.

They gave Crosshair a chance, despite the fact that his choices were willing. I really hope Echo can convince the Batch to help save the other clones who don't have a choice. Because even if the Batch doesn't consider them their brothers, they're certainly Echo's. They matter just as much as Crosshair, and I really hope season 2 shows it narratively.

To conclude, again I'm interested in seeing what happens next, and I want answers about Omega and Nala Se. I find it interesting that they tied the facility where they took Nala Se in with the scientist dude collecting data on Grogu in the Mandalorian and those cloning labs. All of this is interesting, but at the same time I feel like it's trying to build up to Snoke/Palpatine stuff in the sequels which...I don't care nearly as much about, but who knows, could be neat ^ ^;

I'm okay with, and have made peace with the fact that the Bad Batch probably isn't the "clones-centric" show I wanted, and that they'll continue their own story, and probably continue to not care much about other clones in upcoming seasons. That's unfortunate, but alright. I'm interested enough in their story too.

But at the same time...I can't help but think man, if they have the time and budget to do a season 2, after seeing what was (or wasn't) accomplished in season 1...I wish they'd also make a Rex/Cody/Wolffe/"regular clones" show, because in the end, if you're going to do a "clones show"....that's who I want to see most.

If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and being an ear to my ranting ^ ^; Again this is literally just getting this off my chest. If this take isn't one you agree with, please just ignore. For people who did fall in love with the Batch, I'm happy for you, and regret that it just couldn't happen for me. But, I'm hoping that S2 will change my mind, but we'll just have to see! ^ ^;

#the bad batch #bad batch #YukiPri rambles #really i'm not interested in a debate i just want to ramble

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thebiscuiteternal · 3 years

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Since the exchange reveal was today, I can finally cross-post this here.

“A Working Relationship” Sci-Fi AU, Artificial Intelligence, Secret Histories, Intrigue, Finding Your Place (and getting a crush on your android boss)

__________

“I don’t care how smart he is, you’re not putting a Jin on this ship!”

His first reaction is a flush of anger. The second is a barely-smothered explosion of laughter.

In all the insults he’d borne over his parentage in his lifetime, this had to be the first time in… well… ever that it was his father’s side being disparaged.

But when he peeks around the corner and sees who’s arguing with the Admiral, he immediately understands why.

The speaker is a perso-core droid.

Meng Yao has no illusions about the treatment of the droids custom-ordered by the ports his father owns. He’s even met some of them, when they came to drop off another meagre payment to his mother. Delicate, beautiful dolls designed for little more than to be stared at… or played with.

Easily broken, and just as easily replaced.

His still healing ribs give a throb. He can relate to the feeling.

He can use it, too, he realizes, a plan coming together in the back of his mind as he watches the pair bicker.

“Excuse me.”

They both turn at the sound of his voice, and the droid’s eyes narrow, photoreceptors and the light patterns decorating his body briefly shading closer to red than their usual pale green. He’s reasonably sure that if that long dark hair and silver skin weren’t synthetic, he’d be bristling like an offended Firenian Raptor Cat.

It’s an uncomfortably attractive look.

He immediately squashes that thought, then bows, carefully emphasizing the stiff discomfort of the motion. “I apologize for causing any discord. It’s true that my father is Jin Guangshan, but I have no association with the company, nor the ports that it owns.”

“You approached him for work two stationary cycles ago,” the droid says, voice tinged with suspicion.

He had been made aware his background had been searched from the moment he’d been identified as a Jin, however, so he is ready for that. “My late mother desperately wished for me to join the family business. His, of course, not hers. But visiting him has proven to be a mistake. It’s clear now that my father has a very similar opinion of his illegitimate children as he does his droids.”

He opens one of the side panels of his flight suit to show off the bruises that still prominently mottle his skin despite two visits to a medical ward he could afford.

It’s the briefest flicker-flash, a barest twitch of synthetic musculature that most people wouldn’t notice on a human, much less a droid. But the reaction is there, and he can feel the emotional shift in the air as the droid and the Admiral look at each other, the argument between them now silent instead of snapped.

After a few moments that surely feel longer than they actually are, the droid makes a noise that would have been a huff from anyone with lungs and turns away. “One full planetary rotation,” he grumbles, then stalks away down the hall.

If the droid means the planet they’re currently in orbit over, that’s thirty days by the timers in the ports. “Is that to be my entire billet?” he asks cautiously, not wanting to let it sound like a complaint.

Admiral Nie shakes his head. “Probationary period. If Sang-er declares you a fit for Baxia’s crew by then, we’ll re-draw your contract for a more formal position.”

“You value his opinion very highly,” Meng Yao says, careful to keep his tone neutral, lest the Admiral think he’s probing.

Which he is, but-

“As well I should. He's been serving with our ships since before I was born, after all; he knows the fleets inside and out down to the last fastening and half-byte of data."

Something about the way the Admiral says that lingers in the back of his mind even as he’s herded down to the ship’s infirmary to have his ribs properly treated. It’s hardly uncommon for the owners of a particularly well-made droid to brag about them, but to his ear it sounds… odd.

Less like an owner pleased with his possession and more like a younger brother proud of his elder.

He’s finished settling into his cabin, what few things he owns unpacked and stowed away, when something twigs in his brain.

Sang-er.

It couldn’t possibly be what he’s thinking… could it?

---

The first week of Meng Yao’s temporary new job starts with a surprise and ends with a realization.

Given his prior experiences with employers and Sang-er’s clear dislike of him, he braces himself for the bottom of the heap and jobs like cleaning over-boiled acid out of engine cells. Instead, Sang-er puts him through a mentally grueling -and yet actually somewhat satisfying- examination of his skills, then unceremoniously shoves him straight into financial work.

Tracking numbers and allocating data has always been something he could do in his sleep if he so wished; though he doesn’t exactly let his mind wander, the tasks are easy enough that they allow him space to observe.

He wasn’t wrong, he decides, in pegging the relationship between his human boss and his mechanical one as being something akin to siblings.

Which really only lends further credence to the theory his other observations are steadily building.

Observations like how Sang-er is simply too advanced for a perso-core droid. He sifts and sorts information, skimming star maps and calculating alterations via hard-light illusions generated from his own body, and does it all with a speed and ease that should have overtaxed him a hundred times over. Small-droid cores simply aren’t designed to hold or process that much information that fast.

But a ship’s core, on the other hand…

When he’d been small, a friend of his mother’s had dreamed of one day leaving and joining the Qinghe fleets, drawn by the near legendary status of Nie Zhuyun and her ship Huaisang. A captain so sharp and daring and a ship so clever and nimble that people claimed she had somehow bonded her mind to the core to make them a perfect symbiosis.

How many of the tales his mother’s friend told were true were arguable, but what had been true was that when the Wen Chancellor had finally succeeded in his near singleminded obsession to have the ship destroyed, its core had never been found in the wreckage.

Nie Mingjue had said that Sang-er had been serving the fleet since before his birth, but that didn’t mean it had always been in the same body.

And then there is the second most important observation: Sang-er never leaves Baxia.

He’d been unsure about that one at first. Even though they are docked, most of the crew remain onboard a good portion of the time. But after a few days of watching, it has become clear that while even the Admiral occasionally goes out into the port for one bit of business or another, Sang-er stays on board at all times, sometimes with some gentle but pointed reminding on the Admiral’s part.

As if the droid is being purposely kept hidden.

And he can guess from whom. His father has a very good business relationship with Wen Ruohan; even though the ship is docked in a port that isn’t directly owned by the Jin family, there’s a fairly large presence of both Jin and Wen contingents. If he’s right, and Sang-er really is a reconstruction of Huaisang’s core-

He stiffens, then reaches out to stop the flow of numbers he’d been monitoring.

When he had gone to that first medical ward… there had been…

He closes his eyes and sucks in a sharp breath, then lets it out slowly.

"There a problem?" a nearby officer asks.

"No, sir. Just needed a moment for the eyes," Meng Yao says, and then gets back to work.

---

His thoughts nag at him for the rest of the designated day hours and follow him into his bed that night. They’re still plucking at his nerves the next morning, annoying him enough that he barely touches the breakfast he would have gladly stolen -maybe even committed violence to get- from a rich man’s table not too long ago.

If he's right, then he has inadvertently picked up some information that would be extremely valuable to the Admiral and Sang-er.

But to use that information, he will have to do something he absolutely despises.

Tell everything.

There is no safety in full disclosure. Keeping things close to his chest had been the only way he’d survived the arduous journey between the port he’d grown up in and the central hub where his father resides.

But Sang-er has already proven very capable when it comes to checking up on those he does not trust. If he withholds anything that he overheard, and Sang-er finds out he’d done so, then being ousted from the ship is probably the best thing he could expect.

And… he... likes it here.

It’s hard to admit that, even just in his own mind. He’s only been employed on Baxia for a week.

And yet something in his heart just settles at the idea of staying here in a way he can’t remember feeling in years. The Admiral checks up on his wellbeing. His other crewmates treat him as his station befits. He’s comfortable in the jobs he’s been assigned. Even Sang-er -for all the droid’s aversion to him- judges his work fairly and takes his opinions into genuine consideration. Comparing the crew he’s found himself with to the tittering sycophants who’d taken such glee in watching his father reject him-

He bites his tongue to stop the flow of bitterness before it becomes overwhelming and clouds his thoughts.

The point is that, for the first time in a very long time, he has found himself a place he does not want to give up.

If that means having to lay all his cards on the table, then… then fine.

He reaches a point in his tasks that he can safely pause for lunch, but instead of going down to the dining hall, he goes looking for Sang-er.

---

After more than a little unsure wandering and some eventual directions from a couple of helpful crewmates, Meng Yao finds the droid in question in one of the small-ship hangars, surrounded by a star map and several of their scout pilots.

For a moment, his breath catches in his throat.

In the dim lighting of the hangar, Sang-er's eyes and the geometric designs decorating his form glow brighter, mingling with the reflective light of the illusory stars against silvery skin. With one fingertip, he draws flight paths and points of interest, directing models of their ships less like he is ordering soldiers and more as if he is conducting dancers.

It’s hard not to stare, and in that moment he understands better some of the particulars of the information he’s about to relay.

Drawing up his nerve, he straightens his back and approaches the knot of people just in time for the lights to come back up and the star map to vanish into the palm of Sang-er’s hand. A couple of the younger scouts wave to him, drawing the droid’s attention in his direction.

“Please excuse me if I’m interrupting anything, but may we speak in private?” he asks quickly, before any potential judgements can be made.

Sang-er regards him silently, expression completely neutral, then tilts his head in acquiescence. “You’ve all got your assignments,” he says to the scouts. “See you in fourteen days.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Follow me,” Sang-er says as he turns on his heel, and Meng Yao obeys.

Their destination turns out to be the hangar manager’s office, or what would have been the hangar manager’s office if they didn’t have Sang-er. The doors close behind them with a swish and click, but Meng Yao barely hears it over his own heartbeat.

He swallows hard as he watches the droid lean against the desk.

Okay.

All cards on the table.

"Wen Ruohan knows that you're Huaisang."

Sang-er doesn’t flinch or stiffen or show any other reaction that would give away a human but, like their first meeting, Meng Yao feels the subtle shift around them. "Interesting. And you've come to this conclusion because…?"

It’s not an outright denial. No automatic accusations of wild imaginations or delusions or… anything like that. Just a quiet demand to show his work, like the evaluations before. Meng Yao can’t help but find it oddly soothing for this to be treated as nothing more than a basic report despite the severity of what he’s revealing.

“There’s a specific medical ward in the district of Koi Port that most of the residents pretend doesn’t exist. At the time I was… dismissed, it was the only one I could afford to visit. One of the other patients there was complaining that a job for the Wens had been taken from him and handed over to shifters employed by the Jins.”

That gets a visible reaction as Sang-er’s hands clench on the edge of the desk he’s leaning on.

It’s an entirely understandable response. Shifters are the worst of the worst when it comes to orchestrating and carrying out the theft of high-end droids, and their services don’t come cheap at all. For someone like Wen Ruohan, who already has so much power of his own, to enlist them from another company…

Well, the implication is clear.

“Go on,” Sang-er says, and Meng Yao doesn’t fail to notice the tension that’s entered his voice.

“He didn’t specifically describe the target, but he did mention it was aboard the flagship of the Qinghe fleet, and that the backer had ordered it to be captured fully intact, or else. No offense to any of the other droids here, but there’s no one other than you who could possibly garner that kind of demand. And no other reason why Wen Ruohan would make it.”

“I see.” Sang-er’s expression still hasn’t changed, but the words are decidedly even more clipped. “And what price would a Jin expect for information like this?”

There’s the suspicion that he’s been waiting for.

All cards on the table, Meng Yao reminds himself for what may be the tenth time. Or the twentieth, he admittedly has lost track. If he doesn’t remain honest now, he stands to lose everything.

He allows himself one more nervous swallow before answering. “I don’t know… probably something obscene, honestly. I want to be extended to a full contract.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

Sang-er blinks at him, unable to catch the surprise from flickering across his face quickly enough, though it’s quickly schooled away. “That’s it,” he repeats, arching one eyebrow disbelievingly.

“You’ve already given me nearly everything I was looking for when I originally went to meet my father. I want to keep that,” Meng Yao says. “The rest… I will come to terms with eventually.”

There’s no immediate response, and the silence stretches uncomfortably between them as Sang-er appraises his words and everything else. It’s hard not to squirm under the stare.

Then Sang-er’s expression visibly softens, and the sight nearly knocks the wind out of him, it catches him so off guard .

Oh, that’s just not fair.

He quickly recovers, standing straight as Sang-er pushes himself away from the desk and walks past him.

“Well, come on, then,” the droid says, and he absolutely does not shiver at the new warmth in his voice.

“Where are we going now?”

“To give my recommendation to Mingjue and have you moved to more permanent quarters. And then we will start planning to deal with this new development.”

We will start planning, he says.

Meng Yao finds he very much likes the sound of that.

#mdzs #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #fanfic #sangyao #in the future anyway

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escher-room-with-a-view · 3 years

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some stuff about jareth adjusting to life aboveground that i think would be fun to explore

would he be more resistant or less resistant to illnesses humans face? like the common cold, for instance? i do hc that illness exists in the underground of course but something i think about a lot is, like…if he were to be injured or something, it’d be pretty difficult to treat him if he just shows up out of nowhere with zero medical records, and he isn’t even human to boot. would he have to undergo medical tests and checkups once he makes the change from underground to aboveground life? would he be frustrated with doctors poking and prodding at him? or would he feel flattered by their interest in him? would there be any particular reaction from them upon their discovery that he’s not exactly like them?

my brain tends to default to the assumption that he would live with sarah. but what if he didn’t? would he live alone? given that he doesn’t do well with loneliness, i personally don’t think he would if he was given a choice in the matter. regardless of who he lives with, an examination of how he would be as a roommate has a lot of potential. there’s also potential in the idea of him living with someone who isn’t sarah and thus someone who doesn’t know him, especially seeing as they’d have to get used to him and he’s. kind of a handful. tl;dr more OC/canon interaction, including non-romantic interaction, would be interesting!

regarding the above, i also think it could be interesting to explore how he would react to living on his own—not “in the company of goblins and with no one he can relate to” alone, but totally alone. like, this-is-my-first-apartment-and-i-have-no-idea-what-i’m-doing alone. i don’t think he would be without a support network, but i imagine it would definitely come as a shock to him and it makes me wonder what he would do to put himself out there and make connections. to go slightly more in depth, what would his neighbors think of him? would he have a reputation as the neighborhood/apartment complex/what have you’s resident cryptid? what if he lived someplace where he was one of the more ordinary things people saw every day—would that provoke some kind of response, emotional or otherwise, from him?

and while we’re on the topic of connections, how would he interact with other people? would his spending the majority of his life in the underground affect his ability to connect or relate to others? or would he be eager and extroverted about it? would people flock to him, or would they find him odd or off-putting? i feel like there’s so much room for interpretation here that it’s ultimately up to you, and even i’m not entirely sure where i personally stand, but i do know that if he wants to form any kind of lasting relationship then quite a bit of character development is in order. at least that’s how i see it

i don’t personally think this would have a lot of bearing on the plot if i were to use it in a fic, personally, but it’s still worth mentioning: what would he think of aboveground/human entertainment? would he have any knowledge of it? if not, would it intrigue him at all? i’m especially thinking about things like specific genres. like would speculative fiction entertain him because of humans’ fanciful interpretations of other worlds? or would it not interest him because it’s simply mundane to him? would dystopias hit too close to home, especially seeing as he is/was in a position of power? would he be interested in, even fascinated by, human culture and history? would he go out of his way to learn more about people, whether driven by a desire for understanding or by his wish for companionship—or would he haughtily assume he knows everything about aboveground life? it would be interesting if the dystopia thing in particular was used to drive character development somehow.

would he actively search for an occupation? would he be enthusiastic about it, or bemoan the very idea of it? and is there anything he’d be particularly drawn toward? the application process is an especially interesting idea to me because i personally can’t imagine he has much, if any, work experience that’s considered credible in the aboveground. i feel like it would be frustrating for him, but we do know that he’s quite persistent, so i imagine that it eventually wouldn’t be such an issue. the journey from point A (having little experience, if any at all) to point B (being seen as a potential candidate for an actual job), however, could be rife with potential for character arcs and other Cool Story Stuff that my brain is too fried to name right now. it could also provide an opportunity to explore what passions he might have outside of what’s been established

in the event that jareth is incredulous about all the tethers and obligations that come with Living In A Society™, i feel like that could actually be used to highlight the absurdity of modern life/history/human nature at large. honestly go nuts because there’s so much potential here that if i went into detail about all of it we’d be here for ages

#long post #jareth the goblin king #jareth #writing inspo #fanfic inspiration #fanfic inspo #fanfic prompts #writing prompts #labyrinth #headcanon-ish?#i have ideas for some of these #but this is mostly to serve as inspiration #for anybody who’s looking for it!#alcohol mention #tw alchohol mention

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cartoonyappreciation · 2 years

Text

Tw: if reading about someones experience with chronic illness is gonna trigger you… don’t read this.

Sometimes it can be therapeutic to just throw your feelings out there where other people can read it and maybe relate to it.

Chronic fatigue:

Google definition- A disease characterized by profound fatigue, sleep abnormalities, pain, and other symptoms that are made worse by exertion.

Experience: a disorder that leaves you tired from the moment you wake up, until you finally go back to sleep. Being terrified that you will fall asleep during meetings, during classes, while you’re driving. Wishing for just a moment of clarity from the brain fog that comes with the fatigue. Feeling stupid and slow in comparison to before you had this issue. A slow memory for day to day and forget memorization of mathematic identities, o-chem reactions, history facts. The struggle to focus on work when you can afford to do it. The anxiety that comes with it all. The normalization of people telling you to just drink more caffeine, take melatonin, it’s normal to be tired as you get older. Are you exercising? You should exercise. The wonder of will this ever go away? Will i ever feel normal? Is this my new normal? How am i supposed to deal with this? People constantly asking if you’re okay, you don’t seem happy, smile more, you don’t act the same any more. The consistent response of, “im fine im just tired”. Are you getting enough sleep? On a consistent sleep schedule? Don’t use your phone after 7pm.

The hope, when you finally get diagnosed. A sleep study. The relief that comes with the confirmation that there is an actual problem. You’re not making this up, this isn’t normal. That must mean there’s some way we can fix this right? Trying different methods to “fix” yourself. The medications send you into panic attacks. Get off those, try something more wholistic. Work up to the max amount of melatonin they feel comfortable with you taking daily. Come back in 2 months That’s not working? Here, add in this other supplement. Come back in 6 weeks. Still not working? Double the dose! Only minorly better, but you’re remembering a dream once in a while? Another supplement! Come back in 6 months! You know, the next step is sleep medication!

The hope when you think the symptoms are getting better.. even a little bit.. the depression and confusion when they come back worse.

Knowing that other people have it way worse than you. And fearing that it may become disabling for you as well. Fearing that one day I’ll have to hang up my dreams and passions because I am no longer able to leave my bed.

A new doctor? A different location maybe? Therapy? 20 different blood tests? Hormone levels? Thyroid? Autoimmune?

#im just so tired #chronic fatigue #chronic illness

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hansolmates · 4 years

Text

jjk; angel’s trumpet [02]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 3.5k a/n; i know it feels like a lot of bg and internal conflict but y/n!! our girl is struggling! she’s processing and is going through some times BUT things will spice up soon so thank you for all the love +notes, see you again thursday!

[01] [02] [03]-> masterpost

The two most frequent contacts in your phone (you hope it’s your phone? It’s the same edition and everything) are Jimin and Taehyung.

Jungkook (or not-Jungkook) high-tailed it out of there as soon as he deemed your reactions unfit for basic human society. He muttered that you were crazy and probably under something, and sped off in his motorcycle just like that. Like you were a stranger.

It's not easy to ignore the aftermath of your heart after taking yet another rejection, but you're independent and you must stride forward in this strange situation. Taking a cautionary look around the area, you clutch your phone like a lifeline, tethering you together in this unfamiliar place. There's not many people around, but you spot a large library and a playground. Professionals are mulling from building to building, zombies in wrinkled suits and dripping iced coffees. Your phone displays an innocent 7:51, revealing how early it is. Toggling between the two friends in your contacts you take your chances and start with Jimin. The phone rings once, twice, before his dulcet voice chimes in your ear.

“Babe?” he croons, and your heart drops at the sickly warm tone, “you can’t get enough of me after what we did last night?”

You’re going to throw up. Scratch that, acid is already bubbling through your throat and you force yourself to tamp it down. There is no, no way in hell could you have hooked up with Park Jimin in your lifetime.

Unless this is hell.

“Jimin,” you steel your voice, hoping he can’t hear how absolutely mortified you are. You can picture this version of Park Jimin now, laying around in bed with crossed legs and casually enjoying how much you’re squirming on the other line, “I just need you to tell me where I live so we can move on with our lives.”

He laughs, giggles bubbling like soft pink champagne. “Wow, I really must’ve fucked your brains out if you can’t even remember where you live.” God, in what life would Park Jimin be “fucking your brains out”? Maybe you should find a trashcan just in case you do puke on the sidewalk. “Y’know, you signed your lease with Taehyung a month ago? You just moved in last week?”

“T-Taehyung?” you stutter, trying to imagine the notion, “I live with Taehyung?”

A beat passes, and you realize that just like you scared not-Jungkook away, you could be doing the same to Jimin.

He says your name softly, gone the cocky tone you were initially bombarded with. “Are you okay? You could’ve waited for me to wake up, y’know. We had a lot to drink last night.” he mumbles, almost cutely if it weren’t for the fact the he was insinuating sex two seconds ago, “Did you eat?”

“‘M fine,” you mumble, trying to chalk up your previous question with inhiberation. “Just loopy, I guess. I almost got hit by a motorbike, so my brain is probably just catching up.”

“You got hit? Did you call a hospital?” great, now Jimin’s panicked. “Where are you? I’m gonna go get you. Drop your location, I’m leaving now!”

“I’m fine!” you snip, and you feel bad for nearly screaming on the line. “I’m almost home, I’m just gonna lay in bed and sleep it off. I’ll call you later, okay?”

You don’t bother hearing his response, and you hang up. You then start to furiously scroll Taehyung’s chat wall, noting that he’s on an academic trip with his students until next week and you have the apartment to yourself. After a good ten minutes of scrolling and reading conversations that you can’t recollect you finally catch the address to your shared apartment.

The city is the same, fortunately. So are the bus stops, and you’re thankful that your bus pass has some fare money. Turns out you’re starting your journey at the University of Seoul. The bus routes are the same as well, and you manage to take a tour of your side of the city, noting the tiny differences in the town.

For example, there’s no BigHit Entertainment in its usual spot. Instead it’s an additional practice space for Cube Entertainment.

There’s no fanfare to your city tour, and it almost feels like you’re just a normal woman taking a ride home. There’s still the same trees and squirrels, familiar odeng stands and ice cream shops. It feels like you’ve been cut and pasted into this world with no rhyme or reason, a fever dream.

The bus circles around the usual route once more until you’re in front of your supposed home, only a twenty minute bus ride from where Jungkook almost ran you over.

It’s a lot, and you realize on the drive over that you’re probably in deeper shit than you could ever imagine. You pull out your keys, and instead of seeing the ramen keychain Jungkook got you when he went to Tokyo Disney, instead it’s replaced by a university ID labeled Assistant Professor under your full name.

You pin that new fact for later and focus on getting inside.

Your apartment is nice, you muse. Simple black and white furniture, but there’s a definitive home-ness to it. There’s a moss green afghan folded up on the couch, presumably made by the artist himself. You’re glad Taehyung’s appeal for the arts hasn’t been lost, as revealed by the frames on the walls detailing pictures of you and Taehyung’s families, and some of Jimin and Taehyung.

Deeper into the apartment you find your room. You choke back a sob at the familiar bedsheets your parents bought you at Target, and you even notice some familiar clothing pieces folded haphazardly in the corner. Instead of your bed being filled with shameless BT21 PR however, your RJ and Mang are replaced with simple panda and cat plushies.

Finally letting your tears fall, you sob loudly into your pillows, hugging and grappling at anything to comfort you. You feel achy and tired, as if your heart has fallen out of your body and nothing can fill the void. As much as your bed sheets feel the same, as genuine as those pictures are in your shared living room, this isn’t your home.

•━━━━━━»••»💮💮💮«••«━━•

Between your bouts of crying and forcing yourself to stomach cheap ramen, you find out a couple of things.

You’re an assistant professor at Seoul University. At least this version of you is. A little part of you is pleased by this, you have always wanted to teach at the university level before settling with BigHit. To your chagrin however, you’re not a language professor.

To your horror, you’re a pre-medical student teaching two “History of Neuroscience” classes. It’s only two classes because according to your Google calendar, you’re also balancing the completion of your final thesis on muscular dystropathy among low-income neighborhoods.

Dear god, if your parents ever found out you could’ve been a doctor in another life, they’d be surely choking on their own spit. In this world, you probably weren’t lazy and wholly capable of achieving the impossible.

You don’t know why you spend the next two hours sending emails to your students about cancelling the next week of classes. Fortunately all your lessons are neatly packaged in your drive, and you send out an email with said lessons citing your mental health and how you’ll resume direct instruction the following week.

From time to time, your eyes can’t help but travel to the frames and polaroids that decorate your walls. Some of the memories are vaguely similar, a house in the suburbs, an annoying cousin who can’t stop and won’t stop pulling at your pigtails, a movie night with unlimited pizza and breadsticks.

Some of them are far and beyond your state of recognition. Jimin and you playing hopscotch by the river, Taehyung stuffing his face with fried potato skins in a cheap hole-in-the-wall, you winning the blue ribbon at your high school’s science fair.

You could very well walk out of this life and just focus on going back home, but something tells you that you need to continue on with this life, at least for now.

It feels too real to be a dream. When you tug at your hair tie, it’s painful when it snaps across your wrist. Your skin blooms with color upon impact. Could you die in this world? If Jungkook had not skidded in time, would you have survived a motorcycle accident?

Three days pass like that. You’re contemplating, absorbing information. In-between pints of ice cream and crying your ducts out, you’re drawing conclusions. Could you be in a coma? A very realistic, painful coma? But Jimin and Taehyung are still sending you texts and the day turns to night as painfully slow as it always has. A coma can’t fake a forty person class, all of them vying for your attention through various emails and Zoom calls. It can’t be it.

And as you rummage through your drawers, check every bit of social media and even your yearbook photos, you also confirm that Jeon Jungkook has no place in this version of your life. It saddens you greatly, and reminds you eerily about the heated conversation you had before all of this. The Jungkook from days ago, the one who looked terrified when you tried to touch him, only met you through happenstance.

By day four, you get a phone call. There’s no picture next to the contact, only named Biggie Mentor. After a few rings, you finally get the courage to answer the call.

A deep timbre seeps its way through the line, and you almost whine at how much you missed him. “y/n,” Namjoon says, but he doesn’t sound happy, “tell me why our students said you cancelled all of your classes this week due to mental health?”

If Namjoon’s your mentor, that means you’re probably in deep shit for cancelling all your classes without his consent.

“Uh, exactly that,” you say, and it hurts how much you have to strain your voice, trying not to pour any type of affection into this version of Namjoon. You’ve always had a soft spot for his gummy smile. “I’m sorry for not telling you beforehand. Something really traumatic just happened and,” you choke back a sob, trying to cover the microphone, “and I really needed some space.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” his voice is like melted honey, and you close your eyes and picture yourself back at BigHit, Namjoon’s happy smile whenever he tries to cheer you up. It only makes you even more upset, and your mind is all shadowed and filled with fuzzies as you attempt to picture Namjoon as your boss, “I was just shocked, that’s all. Is everything alright?”

“No,” you reply truthfully, “and I don’t know if it will be.”

There’s a terse silence, both your breaths hanging on the line with no move to continue the conversation. If your personality here is similar to your true world, you would understand why Namjoon would have a hard time formulating a reply. You don’t even know how close you are with him here. What remains is that you’re the type to keep your secrets to yourself, and if they truly felt hindering, you’d tell somebody. Not to say you’re the suffer in silence type of person, but you weren’t one to immediately dump your feelings on someone.

Finally, Namjoon musters a reply, “I have a break at two. Why don’t you swing by our usual lunch spot and we can talk? Their sandwiches always cheer you up. ”

“Joonie,” your voice cracks, and you shake your head despite the fact that he can’t see you. A slip of the nickname comes out before you can help it, and you hope this Namjoon is fond of the manner. “I don’t know where that is. Or what our ‘usual’ spot is. I don’t know what sandwiches you’re talking about either.”

“Okay,” and you relax at the calmness in his tone, “I’ll swing by after my 5PM then. Set the table for us, yeah?”

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Namjoon smells of dry-erase marker and antiseptic.

He’s bounding into your apartment like it’s his own home, carrying two paper bags and a stack of leather bound books. The items fly across your coffee table, and you two work together to organize both your dinner and the books. Namjoon looks like a textbook nerd, wearing shades of burgundy and burnt orange as he breaks into your front door. Gone are the boots and sleek outfits that trim his figure, and you can’t help but go a little anti-starstruck at how normal this moment is.

But what remains is the bumbly stance as he makes his way through your tiny space, long limbs and all flailing to help you place his work in a safe space. The curve of his nose and dimples so deep you could fill a lake in them, you can’t help but muster a shy smile as he takes notice that you’re staring at him a little too much for comfort.

The two of you eat in relative silence, and you gratefully accept the bag he pushes in your direction. To your surprise the sandwich inside is a favorite combination of yours, and you wonder if this restaurant exists in your world.

Your world.

“Namjoon,” you place your sandwich down, despite the fact that your stomach is protesting for you to finish the first real meal you’ve had in days, “you know that movie, Avengers?”

Namjoon’s face is puffed with bread, and you hand him a water bottle to chug it down. “Dunno,” he shrugs, “Marvel isn’t a popular franchise, so even if I had I wouldn’t remember.”

“Marvel isn’t popular—” what kind of fucked up world is this? Your Jungkook would have a field day if he was in your shoes. “Anyway. There’s a concept from Marvel that there’s multiple Earths. Like you can create a rip in space and land yourself in another dimension if you’re not too careful. Do you think it’s possible?”

Your tall mentor pushes his charcoal hair back, exasperated. “Is this why you’re taking off? Because you believe in some silly comic book series?”

You feel your heart cracking, desperately trying to keep itself together. In your haste you grip Namjoon’s arm, desperate. “Please, just hear me out.” you warble, “a few days ago I was out drinking with a friend. Next thing I know, I’m in another world where I run into a boy. That boy is my friend, but he says he doesn’t recognize me! But I don’t recognize this life. Namjoon I can’t even imagine you wanting to be a doctor!”

Namjoon is looking at you funny, and you know he’s really trying to believe you. Instead of the reassuring words you hope for, he instead says, “this isn’t even pseudoscience, y/n. This is supernatural! How could you possibly think you’re from another dimension? I just saw you last week and everything was fine!”

“I saw you last week too!” you exclaim, clutching your chest, “and you cried again for the umpteenth time because you lost another pair of custom Airpods.”

A pause. “That does sound like me.”

Hope blooms in your stomach. “Doesn’t it?”

“Well, in this supposed other life. What is my profession?”

Your face falls. “Uh, you’re in a worldwide K-pop band. You’re making millions and producing beautiful music.”

That sounded way better in your head. Out loud it sounded absolutely bonkers. You don’t even blame Namjoon when he bursts out laughing, wiping tears from his eyes. You let him, sinking further into your seat and hugging your knees. You really hoped Namjoon would’ve come through for you.

However you’re not laughing along with him, and he immediately stops at your teary expression. He pushes himself over to you with his long legs, quickly moving to prevent yourself from tucking into your shell. He sees how small your form becomes and he reaches over to place a hand over your hair. “You’re really upset over this, aren’t you?” he questions aloud, and he can’t piece it together, “did you hit your head or something?”

Defeated, you explain, “I may have gotten hit by a motorcycle the other day.”

“What?” he squeezes your shoulder, “well, that explains a lot! What if you’re hallucinating? What if you have a concussion? You could be suffering from short-term memory loss!”

You’re sure it’s none of those things, but you let him ramble. The explanation is clear-cut and so painfully normal that it’s the only conclusion that Namjoon will cling to. Your mentor insists you take a medical leave, and says he’ll take over your classes in the meantime. He gives you a number to call, explains there one of the best doctors for trauma and motor incidents. You don’t say anything to that, but you accept the number and lie when you say you’ll call them in the morning. Namjoon still treats you like a friend however, despite your fruitless confession, and you concede that his comfort is more than enough after such a rough week.

•━━━━━━»••»💮💮💮«••«━━••

It’s been nearly two weeks since you’ve contacted Jimin.

Sure, Jimin’s contacted you. A couple flirty texts here, some low-key sexy selfies there. Usually, you’d eat that up like honey and butter. Now, there’s only one-word replies and half-hearted attempts at continuing a conversation. He loosens his tie, thankful he’s working out of the office today. He can look at his phone all he wants, and no one will judge him.

Jimin finally looks up at the photographer his marketing company contracted, who’s still mulling over the contract. “We’re not trying to jip you, promise.” Jimin assures, and he almost laughs at the comical way the young man’s large eyes catch his concern. “You’ll get all that money, and then some if you need to work overtime. It’s a sweet gig.”

“Yeah,” the young man nods, and grabs the pen to sign at the bottom. “Looking forward to working with you.”

“Same to you, Mr. Jeon,” Jimin grins, meeting him halfway across the table, “I’ve seen your work, I’m sure the commercial will be beautiful.”

“You can call me Jungkook,” the new employee flashes him a quick grin, taking his palm in his. Jimin tries not to twitch at this cute kid, who is both devastatingly handsome and cute at the same time. He’s a little jealous, a little attracted.

“Great, because Mr. Park is my dad. Jimin’s fine.”

It’s then that Jimin’s phone lights up, both pairs of eyes darting to the picture of you decorating the wallpaper.

While it’s not a completely flattering picture (you’re asleep with your wire-rimmed glasses half-off and there’s drool dribbling down your chin.) However it’s definitely you, the person Jungkook nearly killed a couple days ago.

Jungkook’s mouth goes dry, and he lets go of Jimin’s hand like it’s fire. Jimin hardly notices, grabbing his phone in hope that you replied to his text. To his despair, it’s just Taehyung. He ruffles his hair in frustration, letting the slick ebony strands fall out of his hairstyle.

“Fuck,” Jimin curses, shoving his phone in his blazer.

“Everything alright?” Jungkook asks, trying to be polite. On the other hand, he’s rather curious about the girl from weeks ago, who still hasn’t left his mind.

In the heat of the moment, Jungkook left the scene with you blubbering on the road. How wide your eyes were with recognition, and almost mother-like as you coddled him like someone to protect. He’s felt bad about it since, but he had an interview with Jimin’s boss and he couldn’t blow a job opportunity. It couldn’t be helped that your sad expression has been his midnight fixation when he can’t sleep or has a creative block. He should’ve at least called a cab to take you to the hospital or something, you were clearly not in the right mind.

“Yeah, it’s just a friend.” Jimin forces a smile, not wanting to dump his baggage on the new employee. “She almost got hit by a motorcycle the other day,” Jungkook masks a wince, remembering the horror he felt when he saw you, just lying there across the street. “Ever since then, she just hasn’t been herself. I’m just worried. It’s like she’s seen a ghost or something.”

“Oh,” Jungkook steals a glance at Jimin’s phone again, hoping to see your picture light up again. He does feel a little guilty pushing you off him and running away, but then again it was you that started being weird.

How did you know him, and why were you so concerned for his well-being? Would he get fired if he asked Jimin about you? That would be the quickest job he ever got contracted for. Instead, Jungkook forces a smile and offers a neutral, “Well, I’m sure things will work out.”

“Thanks, I hope so too.”

Jungkook’s palms are sweaty, as if it’s a dark premonition that something will happen. With Jimin around supervising him, he has a feeling that if things don’t work out, things will happen regardless.

Maybe he’ll understand why you were so concerned for a stranger’s well-being, and why you looked at him like that.

Like someone in love.

#jungkook fic #bts fic #jungkook fluff #goldenclosetnet #thekpopnetwork #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagines #bts fluff #jungkook scenarios

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citrineghost · 3 years

Text

On ADHD, Being Dramatic, and Being Lazy

Gather round everyone. It’s time for our every-few-monthsly post on ADHD by your local ADHD ghost. In this episode, we’re talking about ADHD and how it relates to “being dramatic” and “being lazy.”

On Being Dramatic

No doubt a lot of you have been told you’re being dramatic over the years. I know I have. There are a lot of reasons one might be dramatic, but they’re rarely about the drama.

If I’m to guess the origin of the word dramatic, I’d guess it probably has something to do with over exaggerating your response for the drama. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of people being dramatic - on tiktok and vine, on youtube... drama calls for dramaticism.

Do you want to know what isn’t dramatic? Genuine reactions. That’s right - genuine reactions, inherently, cannot be categorized as dramatic or hyperbolic. There is nothing about them that is being overdone with the intention of getting attention or entertaining other people. So, let’s talk a bit about how this conflation has hurt us as a community.

Growing up, everything I did was “dramatic.” Crying because I didn’t want to do more chores was dramatic. Having a panic attack because there was a spider in the room was dramatic. Freaking out because I needed people to stop touching me was dramatic. Getting angry when my mother made jokes about my sex life as a teen was dramatic (and apparently abusive, but that’s neither here nor there). Nothing I did that involved a noteworthy amount of emotion was anything, if not dramatic.

On Being Lazy

I know a lot of you have also been labeled as lazy over the years. “Lazy” is the diagnosis everyone loves to give to those who don’t do enough, in their eyes. If you “could have” done something and then “chose not to,” you’re lazy... right?

Growing up, I was lazy too. I was lazy for avoiding housework. I was lazy for not wanting to brush my teeth. I was lazy because I didn’t turn in my homework. I was lazy for staying in bed, on my computer, most of the day.

If I’d only just “applied myself,” or if I would just “put in the work,” then I would be respectable to the people around me. But, because I wasn’t “willing” to put in the time and effort, I was lazy.

Why Is Emotion Dramatic?

The short answer is: it’s not. The real question is, why do people seem to perceive emotion as being dramatic? These are real emotions, after all - real and genuine feelings that are being dismissed as playacting. There are a number of reasons.

Why Are We Lazy?

Again, the short answer is: most people aren’t. The question here is, why do people see others not doing something and assume it’s because they simply don’t want to put in the work? Why do they not seek out an explanation or consider other alternatives? There are a number of reasons for that too.

The Answer...

Editing to put a Read More here because it’s very long

(TW for each of these sections in their name)

1. Sexism

At its core, seeing emotional outbursts or responses as dramatic is inherently rooted in sexism. Whether you’re a boy or a girl, man or woman, if your emotions are being mocked, it’s almost definitely because of our world’s history of sexism and relating emotion to women, who are “illogical” and “just want attention.”

And “real men” work! They work hard! They work long hours! They put themselves into an early grave, with pride, by never sitting down to rest! For this very reason, women, housewives of decades past, were expected, after a long day of doing housework and caring for the children - things that are just as exhausting as a full time job - to dote on their husbands who had just returned from work expecting a hot meal and a beer to be ready for them. Her work is devalued. It wasn’t grueling or tiring or important. It was just “women’s work.” A wife who does all of the housework and child rearing and fails to provide a hot meal and a warm body to her husband is “lazy.”

This is further shown to affect men as well. We can see, as early as non-manual labor-based jobs existed, the men who took them were lesser. Men who work at computers are seen as nerds and geeks - weak. Men who work in universities, coming up with new solutions to our medical needs and discovering the mathematics we need for space travel and advanced technology - they’re weak too. They’re unimportant to society because they’re not willing to get their hands dirty. Those men who prefer artistry are called gay and seen as disposable. It is irrelevant to the conservative man that his artistic counterpart designs everything that fills his home and office - that without artists we would have nothing.

2. Racism and classism

You might be surprised, but racism and classism both have their hands in this as well. I’m talking full on systemic oppression. The ability for people in power to look down on those they see as beneath them for being emotional or passionate about a topic or incident is all about power. You can see a million examples of this today. POC are called dramatic or are implied to be blowing things out of proportion by conservative white people because they want equal rights and feel they’re being treated unfairly. Their emotions are dismissed as irrational and dramatic.

The cries of the poor, whether white or of color, are mocked. They have no reason to be having the emotions they’re having because they wouldn’t be in the position they’re in if they weren’t “lazy.” After all, only lazy people don’t have money. Only lazy people can’t get work. If they had just “applied themselves,” they would have an income, a home, and ample food on the table.

3. Ableism

And, last but not least, we have ableism. The neurotypical and abled people of the world, at large, cannot understand the experiences of the disabled, both emotionally(those with mental illnesses, disorders, and so on(whether or not certain disorders can be categorized as a disability in a just society is another topic entirely, but they are regarded that way, generally)) and physically.

If you have sensory overload, you are being irrational. It doesn’t matter to a NT if this is caused by an actually chemically different response in your brain. It doesn’t matter if it’s Real To You. To them, it doesn’t make sense, and so you deserve no compassion for your experience. Your emotional response is dramatic.

If you have executive dysfunction, you are simply choosing not to do your work. It doesn’t matter that there is an actual reason, buried in you somewhere, for why you have become Stuck. It doesn’t matter if you feel crippled by this aspect of your life. They see that you have neglected to do something they deem easy. Therefore, you are “lazy.”

ADHD and Being Dramatic

For those of us with ADHD, being called dramatic is a very familiar experience. After a while, we begin to internalize it. We must be dramatic, right? After all, so many different people have told us we are - and for good reason. We do tend to get overly emotional.

So the question is, why? Why do we get overly emotional? Why are our emotions so much different than those of our NT peers?

1. Lack of Emotional Regulation

A big part of ADHD, which is not yet a diagnostic criteria, is our emotional disregulation. ADHD, inherently, comes with some amount of disregulation in our emotions. We have a hard time controlling the emotions that we feel and managing the intensity of them. They may come across as overly intense, or they may seem subdued, both for reasons we can’t possibly figure out as individuals. This disregulation is entirely out of our control, happening at a neurological level. Our brain chemicals don’t work as they should. But, no matter how unregulated our emotions are, they are still real. We do still feel them, exactly as intensely as we think we do. Disregulated does not mean made up.

2. RSD

If you knew about RSD before, or you’ve read my last post on ADHD (under my tag adhdghost), which has gained some popularity, you already know what this means. For those who don’t, RSD is short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This condition plagues something like 99.9% of people with ADHD (while not being ADHD exclusive.) It comes with the lack of emotional regulation and means we have a reaction, that seems out of proportion (or “dramatic”), relative to the thing that caused it.

In short, RSD episodes can look like an entire breakdown, a very sudden loss of any self esteem or confidence, the feeling that you are certain someone now hates you or has secretly always hated you, and/or an immediate need to get rid of the thing that caused it. These episodes are caused by any kind of perceived failure or disappointment. They can be caused by someone whose opinion or relationship we value who gives us a slightly judgmental look, someone saying they don’t understand why we like the thing we’re interested in, or even not living up to our own expectations. These episodes frequently lead to emotional outburts, episodes, breakdowns, and tears. Naturally, all of this is “dramatic,” despite it being very real and painful for those experiencing it.

3. Combination with Other Things

Emotional disregulation can interact with other parts of our lives as well. For instance, I have a lot of phobias. My reactions to seeing or being around the things that terrify me can be even more intense than how most people react to their phobias. They can cause anxiety attacks, emotional breakdowns, and lasting fear for hours or days after. My recovery from these instances is hindered by my inability to regulate the feelings they caused.

Emotional disregulation can also interact with triggers, trauma, sensory problems, etc.

ADHD and Being Lazy

And of course, if you struggle with ADHD, you want to know, “Why am I so lazy?” The answer is: you’re not! Laziness is a made up word. Laziness was created to pass blame onto people who struggle to do things that more typical people can accomplish with ease.

So, what is the reason we struggle to do these seemingly simple tasks?

1. Executive Dysfunction

This is The Big One. Of all the things that can cause an inability to do things, executive dysfunction is the Achilles heel of ADHD. Because ADHD causes a difficulty with prioritizing, rewarding actions with no immediate reward, and creating a list of steps for us to take (something that comes naturally to NT people), we sometimes get “Stuck.”

This feeling of being stuck may look like us just having fun and avoiding our responsibilities. You may be Stuck right now, scrolling through tumblr mechanically even though you’ve been needing to pee for three hours. Naturally, you’ve been wanting to go to the bathroom... you just don’t know how.

To a NT, this sounds ridiculous. “Just get up and go?!” I’m sure you can imagine your parents saying, when they simply don’t understand. The truth is, tumblr can be a nightmare for executive function. It endlessly scrolls, giving you post after post. There’s no natural stopping point. You keep an eye out for a natural end to this activity, but it’s hard to find the right post to stop on. If you find those, “This is your sign to go to bed,” posts helpful - otherwise locked into the activity of scrolling regardless of whether you want to - you might be struggling with executive dysfunction.

This inability to “queue” our actions or prioritize what we need to do, and in what order, can wreak all kinds of havoc in our lives. You remember you didn’t really understand that equation the math teacher explained earlier. You know today’s homework is related to its use. Therefore, you cannot start your homework. There are a number of possible solutions floating around your head. Maybe the book will explain it better. Maybe your parents know how to do this and you could ask them. Maybe you could Google it. It’s possible the homework is about something else. But, if it is, what if you don’t understand that? Maybe you should ask your teacher before class?

Even though you have all of these solutions in your head, because you don’t know which solution is the best solution, you find yourself unable to do any of them. You show up to class with no homework and your teacher gives you a disappointed look. “I don’t understand why you don’t just apply yourself more. You’re a very smart student.” The remark brings you to holding back tears, because you want, with every fiber of your being, to apply yourself and make your teacher proud, but you simply don’t know how.

This is the destructive nature of executive dysfunction, and it is not something to be taken lightly.

2. Distraction

For those with ADHD, the inability to regulate external stimuli makes focusing incredibly hard. You wake up one morning and plan to start that English paper after breakfast. You go to get yourself some cereal. You’re out of milk. You decide to make toast instead. You burn your toast because you lost track of time for just 30 seconds. You go to throw it away, feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt over the two pieces of bread you wasted. The trash is overflowing. You decide to take it outside. It’s a really nice day out. Maybe you should take your dog for a walk. You haven’t taken her on a walk in a while and you’re just now feeling motivated to, so you should take advantage of that. You go to retrieve your dog and take her for a walk. When you bring her back in, you go to get her treats from the shelf in the laundry room. Oh yeah, you’d been meaning to do laundry. You go to get your laundry hamper from your room and notice there’s a bunch of laundry on the floor. You begin picking up the laundry from the floor. You may as well tidy up the other things on the floor as well. You finally get around to taking your laundry to the washer. You’re out of soap. Maybe you ought to make a run to the grocery store. You take ten minutes to find your keys and wallet and then head out to the grocery store. When you get there, you’ve forgotten what it was you needed. “Oh, right! I’m out of milk!” You go and retrieve milk. When you get to the checkout and the cashier rings you up, you suddenly remember you need laundry soap. Well, it’s too late now. You’ll have to do laundry tomorrow. You can’t risk the cashier giving you a tired look by asking them to wait. You go home and make some cereal. You can’t really write while you eat, so you open tumblr. you scroll through tumblr for a while. Your cereal gets soggy, you notice, disappointed. You see a tumblr post reminding you that you forgot to order something important online that you need to get here as soon as possible. The day continues in this way until you finally realize at 5pm that you never started your paper. “It’s so late now... I’ll just start it tomorrow morning,” you tell yourself. Rinse and repeat.

If you relate to this, you might want to consider researching ADHD a bit, because this is a very typical ADHD experience.

3. Hyperfixation and Hyperfocus

The last prominent reason why people with ADHD are seen as lazy has to do with a cycle in hyperfixation and hyperfocus.

If you don’t already know, hyperfixations are those interests you have that fill you with an overwhelming love and which take up an incredible amount of your time, energy, and brain space. These could be fandoms, hobbies, characters, games, or otherwise.

Hyperfocus, on the other hand, can be related to hyperfixations or things that aren’t hyperfixations. Hyperfocus is when you get “locked in” on a task and can’t seem to put it down. If you started this post not knowing how long it was and find yourself still raptly reading, completely ignoring the world around you, you may have hyperfocused on it. If you ever start cleaning and just can’t stop until the whole house is clean, despite your lack of regularly cleaning for over a month, you are hyperfocusing on cleaning. If you write a 20k word fic in one night, you are hyperfocusing.

Hyperfocusing can leave you completely unaware of the world around you, causing you to neglect your own basic needs, such as food, bathroom breaks, water, and social interaction.

Because people with ADHD are able to occasionally apply themselves to such an extreme degree, NT people don’t understand why ADHD people are unable to apply themselves to other things as well. The reason we can’t is because we do not regulate our hyperfocus. Hyperfocus comes from tasks that are giving us serotonin, to make up for our brains inability to give serotonin in the way it should - in the way NT brains do. Emptying the dishwasher just felt really good. The next thing you know, you’re filling it with more dishes and wiping off counters and sweeping the floor and, “oh god, it looks so nice what if I just-” and then you move on to the laundry and the living room and the bedroom and then somehow 6 hours have passed. You don’t know how it happened, but now your house is clean and you feel amazing... but also tired and hungry. So you go make some food and then pass out on the couch.

So, when NT people see this kind of laser focus, they demand to know why you couldn’t do that simple math assignment, or why you haven’t been returning their texts, or why you couldn’t apply the same level of energy and enthusiasm on that really boring geography project. They demand to know why you’re so “lazy” the rest of the time.

There’s also the element of hyperfixation. It is the ultimate distraction. Your parents tell you to do the dishes and you say you will. Suddenly, you’ve found a fanfiction about your hyperfixation and you can’t stop reading it. It’s 60k words long and it will take you all day, but you’ll find a break to do your chores somewhere in there, right?

Your mom is suddenly knocking on your door what feels like 5 minutes later, but it’s been an hour. She wants to know why you didn’t do the dishes yet. You’re upset at yourself, but you lash out at her, because you’re unable to regulate your emotions. “I’ll do it in a minute!” you say loudly from behind your door. She walks off, irritated. You ask yourself why you can’t just do it now. Why does it feel impossible to tear yourself away? Your hyperfixation is the ultimate creator of hyperfocus. It rules you.

Before you know it, it’s midnight. You’ve finished the fic. It was amazing. You realize with dread that you still haven’t done the dishes, so you sneak out to the kitchen, hoping your parents have gone to bed. They have, but you find the dishes have already been done by someone else. Suddenly, you’re holding back tears from the RSD episode this has triggered. You ruined everything. You disappointed your parents. You’re a lazy and terrible child and they deserve better.

The truth is, you’re none of those things. In fact, you’re struggling with one of the most difficult mental blocks someone can have. But to others, you’re just making excuses. To others, you should have been able to just do the dishes and then go back to reading. But you know it’s not that easy. But why?

It’s ADHD, Babey!

If this post is hitting hard in a way that feels like your life is being splayed out before you, you might just have ADHD.

The fact is you are not dramatic and you are not lazy. You are struggling with a lot of ADHD symptoms that are making functioning in a neurotypical world incredibly difficult. This world was designed by and for NT people. Your worth is not based in how you live up to their expectations.

If you think you might have ADHD, it might be time to ask your doctor about getting an ADHD evaluation. Please check out my last post (the one i mentioned is under my tag adhdghost) to get more information on RSD and on getting evaluated.

An Important Note

Many experiences and struggles caused by ADHD are also present in other disorders. For example, RSD can be seen frequently in autism as well as in anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Sensory overload, emotional disregulation, executive dysfunction, and so on, can all be present in things other than ADHD. If you want to know if you fit the criteria for ADHD, go check out the criteria on the ADDitude website, which is a great source for ADHD related information.

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fr3aklike-me · 2 years

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Oh my, oh my goodness you're stunning! You look like such a sweet darling in satin! Ahhh brain scrampled! I- I need a breather pheeww,,, baby,,, 😳

I'm double majoring in film production and literature so my dissertation is merging both so in short, film adaptions throughout history, particularly on the gendered body! And if you're comfy in sharing what about you, what do you major in, honeypie? (hehee you remind me of that song) Wish you were here to spoil me, drag me to bed when my stubborn self refuses to sleep 🥺 Mhm! The dentist just gave me some cream and medicated mouthwash to heal the wound fast! Oh poor baby, busy time for you as well, will you treat yourself for me? How I wish I could bake you some snackies to tide you over your exam/paper season

I think I just- oh my god I've been wet all day thinking about you squeezing and playing with your lingerie clad tits while you lick your wetness off my face I- Would you kiss me? Taste yourself on my lips? And would you let me play with your tits? Pinch your nipples gently and leave lil love marks until your nipples are hard, a tad swollen and all so sensitive as your moan in pleasure? Think of it as a present for after our play time when you wear a bra and your sensitive nipples throb against the fabric. It's been hours and my panties are still drenched btw, it's like I'm harbouring a naughty secret walking around all wet, the only relief being a cool breeze though that it's reminder is torture in its own way. While doing work, eating dinner, running errands, I just couldn't stop thinking about being filled by such a pretty little star. I haven't done anything, I want to be good for you, would you help me please? Your fingers, your tongue, your strap, I'll take anything to be stuffed brainless - 😈

omg omg thank you so much!! I am so happy you think so 💗 I was a bit nervous to have a picture of me up here - who knows, might change it later - but your praise means so fucking much to me ajdjsjd especially seeing your reaction. this might be mean, considering you wanted a breather, but, I did do some stuff to myself in it.

THE WAY I GASPED. holy fucking shit, that is so, so cool. I don't study film, but I love reading and listening about the analysis of them, with the underlying themes, symbolism and cinematography. it's all so interesting to me - and discussing the analysis of literature can also be so fascinating, learning the different symbols the author used, characterization, etc. your dissertation is literally something I would read in my free time, that sounds indredibly cool. I also love history, so merging film throughout history, and also focusing on gender? seriously, please tell me anything and everything about your studies and dissertation, it is so cool to me. ooh, so I'm undeclared this year to explore my options, but next year, will either go into Humanities or English, I hope! yes omg I would constantly be checking in and making sure you rest up ❤ I hope it heals fast and well! <3 omg, you making me snacks when studying would make me so soft, that is so sweet of you, especially since I sometimes go for hours. and thankfully, I rested a bit this weekend!

of course I would kiss you. did the idea of me flattening my tongue, and stroking it along your cheeks, cleaning you up of the little wet mess I made, get you wet, baby? I would place my mouth on yours, moving languidly, my tongue stroking yours and curling around. I’d grab your hands and with your okay, help guide them to my breasts, so you can cup them around the lace I'm wearing. I would sigh quietly at how good it feels, to have your hands massaging and playing with them. I’d ask you to softly rub my nipples through the fabric, hips jerking clumsily because of how sensitive they are. you can even suck on them through the fabric, getting the satin wet as you suck my nipple through it, leaving a spot. this way, by the time I remove it, needing your mouth directly on me, my nipples are stiff and hard. god, the fact that you're so wet is so hot to me, panties drenched and begging to be removed so you can give yourself some relief. it is our little secret <3 baby, you’ve been so good for me. I’d want to get on my knees, while you lie down, and watch my strap fill you up. I want to watch how the length of it slips in and out, getting coated and wrapped in your juices, and how your hips twitch when it strokes a spot deep in you.

#answered asks #😈 anon

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thewonkywitchescauldron · 3 years

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Magickal Energy of Plants

I am a HUGE fan of herbs, whether it’s growing them myself in my witchy herb garden and harvesting to use within teas, tinctures, beauty products and my spellwork or having a dried selection or essential oil form in my witchy stash to use at any time I need these wonderful beings within my path.

I use essential oils within magickal dressing and anointing oils, within magickal sprays, oil diffusers, holistically whether it’s topically to help aid an ailment or inhaling the oil for mental and emotional support. However these do need some training and much research before using them in such ways as these little bottles of oils are extremely concentrated extracts of the plants themselves and without proper training and research these can cause more harm then good.

Dried & Fresh herbs are much safer to use for all, but of course again research is needed before using herbs for specific ailments concerning the human body as they can cause problems as well if used incorrectly.

However using herbs within witchcraft is safe and doesn’t need to be considered too much unless when handling you are sensitive and of course if you're working with particular poisonous herbs, so still air on the side of caution.

Now the careful chat is out the way let’s talk herbal history. As we all know the plant kingdom came into existence on our Earth millions of years before the existence and evolution of human beings. Saying that, it’s fair to say that herbs are the oldest magickal tools and ingredients in existence. Known for millennia to have beneficial properties for both the physical and spiritual well-being, many different species of plants were incorporated into the practices of healers, shamans and other medicine men and women of the old days within villages and tribes - this is where, as we know it, the origin of herbal magick. You still see to this day in Chinese, Ayurvedic and Native American medicines being used from the knowledge of their ancestors centuries ago. In these traditions there is still a good amount of chanting, prayers and spellwork adding to the curative effects of the plants themselves.

Back before medicine was separated from magick, physical healing was often accompanied by ritual and prayer, so that a patient might be treated with an herbal decoction, as well as a smudging ritual and an incantation to the spirits for a quick recovery. Today, the simple daily ritual of enjoying a cup of herbal tea can have emotional and spiritual effects as well as nutritional benefits. This combination of healing and magickal properties makes herbs incredibly powerful components to use within your magickal practice or your daily life for that matter.

The healers of old would pass this information down through their lineage or to people they trained to become the next healers. This was all done verbally so you can imagine the concentration and memory they had to possess to keep track of every plant they worked, what it looked like, where it grew, how it grew, antidotes to them if a reaction occurred, what reactions may occur, along with their correspondences if working spiritually, this was all a trial and error for them as they did not possess the equipment we do today to tell how a plant may react to situations and know the dosages for medicinal use or magickal.The Egyptians used plants in the majority of their magick, they didn’t only use the plants for healing but also for their powers of protection, strength, love etc. The Egyptian practitioner knew the metaphysical properties of many plants and knew how to blend them together within spellwork and rituals.

The Greeks and Romans both used medicinal herbs regularly. Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine lived during these times and he’s work is fll of known plants and their uses for medicinal purposes. Other names such as Galen and Dioscorides complied 500 plants into a reference text which we have Medieval Monks to thank for reproducing these texts for future use.With all this happening we did still have the wise woman or the wife at home using folk medicine to help aid any ailments that came. They used plants from their own gardens or woodlands nearby as well as their own kitchens and used them everyday to help aid illnesses like colds and also help heal bruises. These simple acts blended beautifully with folk magick, this is where the first herb witches were born.

From the 15th to the 17th Centuries herbal aids were popping up all over the place which also included astrological elements.

Nicholas Culpeper an English botanist, herbalist, physician and astrologer wrote a book called ‘The English Physician’ which is full of pharmaceutical and herbal knowledge, as well as Astrological Judgement of Diseases from the Decumbiture of the Sick which is one of the most detailed works on medical astrology in Early Modern Europe. Within he’s work was The doctrine of Signatures which states that herbs resembling various parts of the body can be used by herbalists to treat ailments of those body parts. This method is still widely used today. For Example: A Walnut is the shape of the brain, so therefore helps with brain health. Ginger Root resembles the stomach, this in turn helps aid in stomach sickness. Nature always has a remedy for an ailment, you just ned to know where to look.

Herbs in Magick

As magickal practices with plants grew over the centuries, so did the approach of use from witch to witch. They were added herbs to flames or candles to increase their power as well as creating bundles for burning or mixing together for a specific goal. Others used the moon and phases of the moon to gather particular herbs for the best results.To hide their recipes, codes were put in place so the ‘muggle’ so to speak wouldn’t recognise the ingredients used by the witch. Eye of Newt is a great example which would be a common flower or plant used that only the witch who wrote it would understand. Historians aren’t sure why this was done, but the general consensus is that it was done for protection of their personal power. We don’t see much of this anymore however some practitioners will use the Theban Alphabet (witches alphabet) to hide information from prying eyes.

Today this use of herbs within witchcraft is exceedingly widespread and so many herbs are now so readily available there is no need to go out and forage. However it is a fun way of doing it as well as really getting that connection to the earth and the plants themselves. You can also of course grow plants within your own garden or in the home. This way they are readily available to you as and when you need them. Growing and harvesting your own herbs keeps you in touch with the powers of the Earth - not to mention the Sun, the rain, and the wind, as well as the role played by insects and other animal life in sustaining the cycle of life and death in all of its forms.Gardening and growing your own herbs and plants allows you to charge these wonderful beings with your own energy.

Herbs are also probably the most versatile when it comes to hands-on magic. You can use them to create your own magickal crafts, such as spell jars, dream pillows, poppets, sachets and other charms. Some people like to create their own incense and oils with herbs, which adds even more magickal power to their work. Herbs are also used in all kinds of ways whether we’re talking about magical teas, baked goods or other foods.

Why not add this knowledge to medicinal remedies in your witchy first aid kit as well, tinctures, salves, creams etc. Working with herbs, plants, trees, berries etc can really be so beneficial in so many ways. The Green Witch knows this.

Aristotle, the famous Greek philosopher of ancient times, believed that plants have “psyches,” a word normally used to describe the human quality of soul, or spirit. Many Witches today would agree. In fact, even scientists are starting to realize that plants actually have what we might define as consciousness.

Plants both communicate and cooperate with each other in the wild, even among different species. In a forest setting, trees, shrubs, and other plants will exchange information with each other through an underground network of roots and fungi.

This natural “internet” allows plants to exchange nutrients with each other, helping each other make up for any shortages at various points in the growing season - much like you might “borrow” a few eggs from a neighbour and return the favour later on with some extra butter! Plants are also able to warn each other about nearby predators. For example, if one leaf is bitten by an insect, a plant will release chemicals that both repel the insect and prompt its plant neighbours to release their own chemicals to do the same.

These discoveries serve as wonderful illustrations of the inherent intelligence of Mother Earth. Whether working with a plant’s roots, seeds, stems, leaves, flowers, or berries or even the bark of a tree. Witches tap into these magical energies when incorporating herbs into their practice.

The Four Elements within Plants

In terms of magickal symbolism, plants embody the power of the four classical Elements working together to create and sustain life. They begin as seeds in the soil of the Earth, where the minerals needed to sustain their life are found. They interact with the Fire of sunlight, which makes the process of converting carbon dioxide into oxygen possible - a process that directly affects the quality of the air.

Air then fosters more plant life in the form of wind, which both stimulates the growth of stems and leaves, and scatters seeds in order to continue the cycle. And of course, all plants need Water to live.

But they also play a crucial role in the regulation of the Earth’s water cycles by purifying water, and helping to move it from the soil to the atmosphere. Indeed, there is perhaps no better illustration for how the elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water come together than in the magickal existence of plants.

So where should a beginner witch start with their herb cupboard?

Here are a few firm favourites that I like to say are a must in any witches stash which are easily accessible.

Basil is a firm winner for the green witch. So easy to obtain. Basil covers Abundance, Prosperity & Wealth, Love, Happiness, Mental Power and Confidence.

Bay Leaf is another easy to obtain herb to use within your craft. These wonderful leaves are used for Psychic Power, Divination, Purification, Success, Money, Strength, Protection and is widely used for Wish Magick.

Chamomile is a beautiful little flower to work with, its gentle, calming and a firm favourite amongst witches. Chamomile helps with Money, luck, love, reversing hexes, happiness, meditation, sleep and purification.

Cinnamon adds some lovely aroma and boosts magickal potency but also helps with Spiritual and Psychic Abilities, Creativity, Divination, Luck, Protection and Success.

Clove is one of my favourites for boosting spells and adding a little potency to my workings but it’s also used for Cleansing, Protection, Banishing, Prosperity, Courage and Divination.

Dandelion is the dreaded weed that everyone wants to get rid of in their gardens. But is it really? This misunderstood so-called ‘weed’ is full of life. I love seeing these pop up in my garden, they are full of goodness and shouldn't be looked down upon in disgust. Magickally they can be used for Divination, wishes, transformation, calling spirits, sun energy (yellow flower), moon energy (puff ball).

Lavender is such a wonderful plant to work with. I cannot stress this enough.Lavender is used for Psychic Power & Awareness, Love, Divination, Happiness, Healing, Peace & Sleep, Meditation, Purification and of course Protection. A great plant to grow by your front door for protection.

Then there is the Witches Protection Herb of Rosemary. One of my absolute favourites. Grow this by your front door for some herbal witchy protection. It is also used for Purification, Courage, Confidence, Blessings, Mental Power & Remembrance, Strength and Wisdom.

You can always tell when a witch is present in a household when there is Lavender and Rosemary growing. Have a look when you're out and about, I am sure you will notice quite a few houses with these wonderful plants outside.

Sage being a firm favourite across many cultures which is used for Purification, Prosperity, Clairvoyance, Divination, Banishing, Inspiration, Wisdom and Protection. It’s usually the main herb used in most smudging sticks.

Just having these herbs in your witchy stash will cover an array of magickal needs you may desire. However if you’re like me this isn’t enough, I love to work with herbs and oils so much, I need a whole array of herbs to work with within my craft.

If you’d like to learn more about using herbs within your craft then please do join me at Kallima Spiritual Centre in my Green Witches Craft Workshop on Sunday 29th August 2021 Or my Magickal Witches Incense and Oils Workshop on Sunday 1st August. To book your space please visit www.kallima.co.uk

Stay Magickal & Blessed Be WillowMoon The Wonky Witch

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