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you-cant-spell-subtext-without · 3 years

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I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here). The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion. Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies - “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point. Sigh. Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever.

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY! But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices? What is that sexual gaze?

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell. They need the other 1/2. Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered. I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember? But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression. Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie. Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone. Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab. Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point. We are introduced to two one off characters named

Smash (human/female presenting) - can crack any safe built by man

and Grab (demon/male presenting)- expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah. Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality. Human/Demon. Femininity/Masculinity. Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it. I’m not even going there here. I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked. 90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID. They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps. Something stereotypically associated with masculinity. Not feminine. Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female. But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda. They are The Same. She shares the soda with Dean. HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing -

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode -

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay.

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders. Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn. Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push. I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push. A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ - she gives him a p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would.

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.] BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop!

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ]

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice. The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push. And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked. The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality. Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice. He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different. Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push. That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it.

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley. It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk and @deanwasalwaysbi for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

#my spn meta #spn analysis #spn 13x08 #bi!dean #destiel #deancas #hellerism #spn #supernatural #spn fandom #spn family #spn meta

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cottonkendi · 3 years

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(First of ALL,,, I love Shin but I'm actually curious about the Koko fic and I don't see fics about him that much so Koko fic maybe ?)

Okei, since you were fine with me rambling here I go even tho I should be sleeping rn lol (probably losts of bad grammar ...)

Shin and reader promising to get married and getting promise rings ? And then telling izana that once they get their own house he can live with them (like getting him out of the orphanage) and they can be a happy family,

Oh can you imagine kakucho also starting to warm up to reader thx to izana introducing him (and then getting jealous-). the other kids insults kaku's scar and people coming there to adopt children doesn't even spare a glance at him but reader spends time with him, talks to him and shows affection to him?? Like hello ??? u don't think his scar is ugly ??? wow.

Also sHIN TRYING TO PROVE TO HIS FRIENDS THAT HE "ACTUALLY" HAS A GF ( the classic, I love it when people write this )

The whole gang doesn't belive him :(

Then they saw him with his s/o in the shop (or sth~) Wakasa goes, "Blink twice if he is paying you to do this. I know that he can't threaten anyone so it's either he is paying you or you have a poor taste" "WOW. OK." poor shin cant catch a break... First it was his family now his friends. Everyone just teases him :(

And now you got a whole gang to protect you ig 👌 they love u, (ofc it's platonic.) They respect you like how they respect shin ?? like,, shin can't fight and you are not even in the gang but the two of you has this,,,, charm ?? yeah anyway.

For angst, vv

After shin dies baji can't face reader and avoids her. The promise ring shin bought is still on her finger and she doesn't ever take it off.

Reader tries to stay in contact with Sano siblings but it's all in text messages and calls since she starts to overwork herself.

The dream of buying a big house together with him is over and instead it's a small, lonely apartment.

In the manga izana has a fight with Shin because he was jealous of Mikey (if I remember correctly-) and after Shin's death he kinda ... lost it,,, so now he refuses to meet up with reader. He starts to think that if you really cared about him you would've tried harder to contact him. Like how shin somehow find him and stayed in touch with him.

Mostly Kaku is the one who imforms reader about how izana is.

I don't think reader would be like all smiles and hey everything is going great ! imo she would be more silent, yes she still scaring towards people but now it's all actions not words. And just gives of this lonely feeling. Like when you look at reader you can feel the loneliness.

thank you for listening to me talk nonsense have a nice day. <3

alrighty then, i've counted the replies and the asks that were sent since last night and the koko fic will be out later~~ <33 maybe a little late from the usual time but it will be the koko fic~~

the shinichiro slander is always so entertaining so expect a lot of that in future chaps both from reader and the other characters 🤪

i wont be saying much because i dont wanna spoil my future plans for your babies 👀 but just know that im evily smirking at some of the things mentioned here. Just some... 👁👅👁

#salty-salty #candy wrapper #your babies #this is making me want to just dump all of the your babies chapters all at once #see the world burn #collect tears #</3

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ambivalent-anarchy · 3 years

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Body |Peter's Turn

Part 2 of 2 (Part 1 -> here)

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: none (suspicions of cheating but no actual cheating lol just a lotta funny miscommunication)

Anon requested- can I get a one shot where the reader does the body positivity trend with the new megan thee stallion song and the reader is insecure about how ppl will react to it?? Most importantly how peter will react to it?? K thanks

A/N- Part 2 cuz I immediately knew what I wanted to do with this the second I got the ask. (Peter's turn)

---------------------------------------

When Peter heard that you'd been nervous about showing him your video, he freaked.

He thought he'd done something wrong. That maybe he gave off weird vibes or that he'd said something before that made you think he wouldn't have liked it. Which definitely wasn't true. He liked everything you did.

Well, except that one time you got bangs. He didn't really like the bangs.

Anyway, Peter felt like he needed to show you that he was okay with it all. That he was down with anything you wanted to do or show him.

He looked in the mirror early that morning and decided.

Peter wanted to show what he had to offer.

He looked down at your TikTok "body" video on his phone. He could do something like that, right? He was completely clueless, but he could at least try his best.

He pulled out his phone and texted the one guy he knew could help him out.

PeterParkour🤟: i need u to teach me the lip bitey thingy

PrinceHarry👑: bro what

PrinceHarry👑: ???

PrinceHarry👑: what is that

PeterParkour🤟: like when u make yourself look all cool when u bite your lip

PrinceHarry👑: ...

PrinceHarry👑: oh

PrinceHarry👑: OH

PrinceHarry👑: 😂

PrinceHarry👑: lmao why do u wanna do that???

PeterParkour🤟: im trying to make a video for y/n

PrinceHarry👑: what kind of video 👀

PeterParkour🤟: NOT LIKE THAT

PeterParkour🤟: well actually

PeterParkour🤟: kinda like that

PrinceHarry👑: PETER WHATTTTT

PeterParkour🤟: ill explain later which penthouse are u at tonight?

PrinceHarry👑: the one closest to ur apartment

PeterParkour🤟: ok ill come over

Now, on your end, school was kicking your ass.

You weren't failing, but the amount of make-up work you had was so far through the roof that you might as well be. And the teachers were hellbent on making it the hardest they could.

To put it short, you needed a break.

And the second MJ heard your tired, irritated voice over the phone, she was on her way over with chips, dip, popcorn, and movies. If there was anything to calm you down, it'd be a nice movie.

MJ had gone to your kitchen to make the popcorn and you were laying on your bed finishing up some homework, when you got a phone call from Harry. "Hello?"

"I didn't know you and Pete were sending nudes."

You paused. "What?"

He carried on in a nonchalant tone. "I mean, I never took you guys as the types to do that, but damn, you two really surprised me. Dude's really over here asking for tips and everything-"

You sat up in your bed, alert and highly confused. "Okay," you said, taking a deep breath" ....what, again, the fuck?" Harry continued to ramble but one sharp scolding tone stopped him. "Harry, shut up."

He paused on the other side of the phone and then suddenly his voice came back, extremely hesitant. "...wait, was I not supposed to say anything? Did I just fuck up?" He sighed. "Oops.."

"No, Harry tell me what the hell you're-" BEEP. You looked down and saw that he hung up.

Just then, MJ opened the door, hands full with freshly popped popcorn. "Okay, ready to get the movie started?" She walked to the bed when she noticed that you were practically frozen in your spot. "Um, [Y/N]?"

You looked up with glossy eyes and she immediately knew that something was wrong. "Dude, what happened?"

You frantically shrugged a bit, and then let out a shrill laugh, half confused and half preparing for the worst. "Peter's- um... apparently... sending nudes to...me....Harry... someone?"

"What?"

Peter had finally made it to Harry's penthouse.

"So, nudes?," Harry chirped, very amused as he opened his door.

"What nudes?," Peter asked as he stepped into the living room. "What are you talking about?"

Harry paused. "Wait, what were you talking about?"

Peter only stared back in confusion, leaving Harry to pick through his own confusion fragments of information. He quizzically looked at him. "But-..the texts?"

"Oh!," Peter laughed, moving to sit on the couch. "No, I wanna make one of those thirst trap TikToks for [Y/N], that's all," he explained with a shrug and a bashful smile. "She made one for me, now I wanna repay the favor."

"Dude!," Harry hissed out. "You should've just said that!"

"Well, how about you just need to stop making assumptions," Peter said with a slight frown, not understanding why his friend was so wound up.

"Well, I had to since you kept being so vague!"

Peter rolled his eyes and started towards the refrigerator, if not to actually get something to drink, getting away from a crazed Harry for two seconds would be enough.

When he sat back down, Harry started to speak again. "So, what did you need me for?"

"Oh," Peter mumbled, shifting in his seat. "Well, you know how to do that sort of... stuff, right?"

"You mean looking like a fuckboy?," Harry snickered. "Yeah I'd say that's well within my reservoir."

Peter gave his typical bashful look. "So... teach me your fuckboy ways?"

Harry grinned. "Peter. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

You held your phone in your handle, looking at Peter's contact number hesitantly.

"Just text him," MJ said with an eyeroll.

"But what if it's nothing?! I don't wanna be the crazy girlfriend!"

"But what if it's something?," MJ added. "Cuz if you put it off now, and it actually ends up being something, you'll be even more miserable than you would be if you just found out now."

You took a long breath and nodded. "Okay then I'll text him."

"But if it is nothing, you'll look pretty stupid jumping to conclusions like that."

You sighed. "So, no?"

"But then if it's something-" she continued, getting deeper underneath your skin with each word. "-you'll look even more stupid because you could've found out sooner and you didn't."

Finally quieting down from her rambling, MJ noticed you glaring at her. You sighed.

"So...do I or do I not text him?"

"Oh nah, dude. I mean, I wouldn't. After all, I'm not saying that I think it's something," she said with a shrug. "I'm just saying on the off-chance that it is, you'd be in bad shape."

"Okay can we please stop playing devil's advocate with my life?!"

"You know I love watching you squirm [Y/N]." "Anyway, I'm sure Peter's not cheating. The boys were probably just doing something dumb and Harry just explained horribly."

You bit your lip. "You sure?"

She shrugged. "Pretty sure."

"Okay, now lower the camera just a little," Harry instructed. "You gotta show the v-line, but still leave enough for imagination."

Peter dropped his arm and his posture and shot Harry an incredulous glare. "Harry, if you focused this much in school I wouldn't have to tutor you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just keep going."

This was the third picture taken and though it was out of his element, Peter strangely felt very confident with what he was doing. He never saw himself as ugly, but he certainly never saw himself as hot either. Not like Harry. But looking at himself now, with Harry's corny chain necklaces on and his hair scruffed up in a way he's not used to, he knew one thing for certain.

He looked good.

"Okay," Harry said. "Now the last one, actually needs to be some dumb picture someone took of you in your gallery."

Peter frowned. "Huh? But I'm on a roll here."

"Yeah but the whole point is that all of these pictures weren't supposed to be taken directly beforehand," he pointed out. "Since you're breaking that rule, you gotta throw in a cute dumb one to throw off your scent." He smirked. "Also, you gotta show the ladies and gents that you have a softer, funnier side."

Peter stared for a moment. "..why do you have this down to a science?"

"Says the science geek?," Harry retorted.

Peter spent the night at Harry's and they drove to school early in the morning. He was glad that it was Tuesday because your schedules made it so that you'd both have lunch together every other day.

"You sure she'll like it?," he asked Harry as they walked down the halls before lunch.

Harry rolled his eyes with a laugh. "You know, she asked me the exact same thing for you when she made her video?"

Peter nodded quietly, still feeling a bit down about you feeling bad about showing him that video. "Yeah, I know."

"Jesus," Harry laughed. "You insecure little dweebs are made for each other!"

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment..."

"As you should," Harry said with a shrug, as nonchalant as ever.

The two boys walked into the lunchroom and to the table they knew best. You and MJ were already there.

Peter could tell just by the look on your face that something was wrong. "Hey," he greeted cautiously. "Is everything okay?"

MJ glared at him and he looked to Harry, whose clueless face was not helping.

Finally, you looked up and sighed. "Pete, be honest. Are you cheating on me?"

What.

"What?!"

You examined the utter shock and terror in his face. It didn't look fake. He looked saddened and scared as he began to ramble. "No no! I would never! What even made you think-!"

His eyes caught yours as you looked over towards Harry sittting next to him. Peter turned toward Harry and then looked back to you in confusion. "Wait, you think I cheated on you with HARRY?"

MJ bursts out laughing next you. "Jesus..."

Harry scoffed. "Well don't sound so excited Peter, jeez."

You let out a small chuckle but kept your eyes on Peter. "It's just... Harry called me and...said something about nudes and-"

Peter's face grew even more contorted with bafflement. "Nudes?!"

Harry hit his forehead, finally understanding what was happening. "Ooooooooh, me and my big mouth..."

All eyes turned towards him. "What, Harry?"

He sighed. "This is all just a big mix-up." Harry nudged Peter. "Just show her the thing dude."

"What thing?," MJ asked.

Peter fished through his pockets. "Okay," he mumbled, a bit shaken up by what happened. He took his phone out and handed it to you. "Here."

You looked up and saw Peter looking down at you, waiting for your reaction.

"So, this is what you were doing yesterday?"

He nodded.

You blew out a long breath of relief. "You're not cheating."

"God no, babe, I'd never cheat on you," he cooed, stepping over towards your seat. "I know you were really nervous when you showed me yours, and so... I thought I should repay the favor."

He didn't even have time to breathe before you were on him, wasting no time in bringing your lips to his. He kissed you back, mildly aware of the people in the lunchroom around the two of you, but he still didn't care.

Peter pulled away with a smitten smile until he noticed blood on his lip. He wiped it away with his hand and frowned when he realized it was not his own.

You almost asked what was wrong when you noticed him looking at you strangely, but MJ beat you to the punch.

"Dude, you have a bloody nose!"

You gasped, picking up a napkin from the table.

Harry laughed. "Did you really just get a horny nosebleed?"

"Horny nosebleed?," MJ snickered.

"That's not a thing," you scoffed. "...is it?"

"It actually is," Peter corrected, blushing profusely and rubbing his neck. "Just glad to know you thought the video was hot."

"It was really hot," you gushed.

Peter grinned and pulled you close. "Aww babe."

MJ rolled her eyes. "Okay lovebirds, get a room."

-------------------------------------------------------

Lol I know this was pretty trash but I was just trying to get to sleep while I was finishing this

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil, @yumings , @hey-its-grey , @spideyyeet , @sunkissedspidey , @tommyunderoos , @chaoticpete , @sovereignparker , @thesherlockianavenger , @bubblebucky , @eridanuswave , @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr , @kidney9-9 , @gwenvrse, @the-weird-bisexual, @kelieah

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nomazee · 4 years

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Komorebi (6)

komorebi, final.

synopsis: Tsukishima dislikes the amount of parallels there are with you and Hinata. He dislikes the way you’re so energetic and exuberant when you want to be, and the way you can get along so well with people. He dislikes the way that people are naturally drawn to you, and the way you’re so willing to put time into your dumb gifts and snacks and treats for a team of boys you barely know. But Tsukishima does not dislike you. And he supposes that’s part of the problem.

series content: developing relationship, (sort of) ooc tsukishima, strangers to (sort of) friends to lovers, angst, fluff, slow burn

(the final part!! i don’t wanna ramble too much for right now so all of my final thoughts will be at the end!

love yall :) )

☾.:°∗★.:☆:.★∗°:.☽

Just like that, Tsukishima is back to square one.

The world goes silent for a few days. He hates to admit that he’s losing sleep over you, but at this point he’s too far gone to care what anyone thinks about him. Except for you--and while he knows that assuming things is bad, he can only conclude by the way you looked so scared of him before, that you do not think he’s a good person.

(The gifts you gave him nearly contradict that assumption. But he ignores those for the most part. The scarf you gave him a while ago rests on a chair in his room and more often than not he finds himself staring at it during the deep hours of the night. He hasn’t worn it yet.)

Yamaguchi keeps giving him glances during class--not that that’s any different from before, but it irks him more now that he’s actually seen you. The blonde wonders if his friend knew about you, knew that you were going to drop something off in that moment and just never thought to warn him. Maybe you two were plotting that together, like an odd sort of revenge tactic.

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know a lot of things. What he does know is that he’s tired, and he misses you, and he wants to be warm again.

The morning is cold when we wakes up. He wasn’t really sleeping--it was one of those nights of a daze of exhaustion where he kept blinking himself awake. At five-thirty AM, he sighs, staring at the blank, matte wall of his ceiling. Tsukishima wills himself to crawl out of his bed and get ready for school. It’s still dark outside, the flames of daylight creeping up on the horizon while he steps around his room.

He’s ready to leave by six. His mother is awake, sitting in the kitchen sipping hot tea and scrolling through her cellphone. She catches a glimpse of her son walking through the front door--Tsukishima feels her pensive gaze on him but refuses to say anything, just like always.

The air is cold. Despite the long-sleeved uniform he’s wearing, Tsukishima feels ill-prepared to face the day, in more than one way. Nevertheless, he lets go of his reluctance at the door and trudges onward in the frigid air, nose flushed with red and cheeks going numb in a matter of seconds.

(The scarf is in his bag now rather than his desk chair, hidden beneath his books and folders and pencils. He wants to wear it, knows he should, but his guilty conscious tells him to leave it unworn for now.)

The walk passes by quickly, far too quickly for his comfort. Before Tsukishima knows it, he’s faced with the front doors of the very school he dreads to enter.

His fingers tingle with numbness as he pulls at the metal handles of the door. The school is quiet, empty for the most part. The faint shuffle of teachers in their classrooms echoes throughout the halls as his feet lead him to Class 1-4.

There’s a faint pitter-patter of footsteps from inside the classroom. Tsukishima passes it off as one of his teachers, again, but the sight he’s met with when he walks through the doorway gives him a disturbing sense of deja vu.

You’re there, at his desk--the same bracelet from a few days ago resting on top of a box that you seem to have just placed on his desk. You blink up at him owlishly. He can only return the gesture, dumbstruck as he is.

It’s too reminiscent of the events from a few days ago. Once again, his eyes are prickling with stinging pain and his throat dries up.

He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to do.

What does he know, he wonders. He knows he hates crying. It’s unfortunate that that’s the only thing he seems capable of doing.

It’s all overwhelming for him. The cold of the outside lingering on his skin, the sheets of sunlight pouring through the window as the sun rises, your eyes, your sheer presence in front of him. It piles on his shoulder and soon he feels liquid heat pouring down his cheeks.

Tsukishima Kei is crying. In front of you, in a classroom, watching you grip the box in your hands and stare at him, unmoving.

His throat hurts. He tries to choke down any audible sobs, but loud, ugly sniffles echo throughout the room. He wants to fall through the floor, squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to look at you. He can’t bear to know that you find him pathetic, even more so than he already seemed in the last few weeks.

Distantly, he recognizes the sound of footsteps coming closer to him but tunes them out in hopes that he’s just imagining them. A hand finds its way to his shoulder--it’s warm, and he flinches. He knows it’s yours, knows by the heat of it and the comfort he feels from a simple touch. It’s the first time he’s felt your touch, but he feels so light now--so warm and comfortable and cloudy.

“Kei.” It’s your voice. It swims through the air and into his ears, sobs only increasing in severity at the sound of his first name on your lips. Your other hand comes to rest on his cheek, both sets of fingers gently brushing away the pouring stream.

Fond. Tsukishima Kei is very fond of the feeling of your skin on his. He hopes he can become well-acquainted with it, if he tries hard enough.

“Kei, it’s okay.” You’re so soft, voice low and lacking any hostility he expected you to have. Your thumbs pat at his under eyes, soaking up the wetness that pools.

“Can you look at me?” He’s stubborn, hand coming up to grip your wrist and lips clamped tightly shut to reduce the shiver of his entire body as he weeps. A gentle shake of his head makes you sigh--he knows the way he’s acting is so uncharacteristic but he can’t help it. Not with the feel of your hands on his face, your voice, the sound of his first name spoken by you still ringing in his ears.

“It’s okay. It’s alright. I’m here.”

You are here. It seems impossible to him, but you’re here. With him. With your hands giving him warmth and comfort and fondness. Everything he ever wanted.

His eyes blink open. Tsukishima Kei looks at you--really looks. Your lips are upturned, gentle as is the rest of you. The sun is halfway above the horizon now, the light from it filtering through the leaves of the trees that are planted outside the window. The golden rays hit your eyes perfectly, changing the hue the slightest bit and making him stop his tears momentarily--just to admire you.

You blink at him. You smile. Tsukishima Kei is in love, just a little bit.

☾.:°∗★.:☆:.★∗°:.☽

(so... this has been a wild ride.

first off i wanna say thank you for all the support i’ve received throughout this whole thing! it really means so much to me. i love you all so much.

im very proud of myself for finishing this. this is by no means the greatest product i could’ve created--it was a little bit messy, and the word count of the entire series (ab 6000 i think) is lower than some long oneshots i’ve seen.

there’s a lot of things i could’ve done better--no doubt about that. but i am very proud of myself for making this. for finishing a WHOLE multipart series,,,,yes it was short but......its here! i did it! i’m finished! very happy with this.

this series was mainly set in tsukishima’s own head--and i know it was probably at least a little disappointing that it was NOT action-based---and the fact that it was tsukki-centric was definitely a downer to some people because you didnt really get to feel what.... YOU would feel in that situation. we didnt get to see that here.

and its okay if that’s what you disliked most!!! in truth i think that was one of my biggest weaknesses writing this series. but i liked it this way, i think. i like trying to analyze characters within my writing and i think that, at the very least, this was a good challenge for me to try to take on with characterization and the like.

anyways....that’s it i think! thank you so much for supporting me, really. i’m very thankful for everyone whose liked or reblogged any of the parts to komorebi. you are all incredible i love you. <3)

(pssst!!! i’ll be talking about my 200 follower event soon. if you wanna participate, be on the lookout for that!!)

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #hq x reader #hq x you #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima kei x you #kei x reader #kei x you #kei tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima x you #tsukki x reader #tsukki x you #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu oneshot #tsukishima fanfiction

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funny-house · 3 years

Note

huhu u got me to watch opal the other day since u keep talking abt it and im glad bc i Really Enjoyed It but !! anyways , i saw u mention mirror man doing makeup for someone and i keep thinking about it so Thoughts Incoming sorry in advance lmao. i think he would like to do claires makeup (and teach her abt it in general) when she gets a bit older,, both bc it seems like a legitimate hobby he would enjoy (i imagine if he werent Like That he probably could have been a makeup artist or something similar!) and bc he would like to ‘prettify’ her a bit.

and ah well,,, a lot of parents Like Him sometimes try 2 make their child a carbon copy of themselves or of an image they enjoy so if he grew to like claire more or already does like her enough for that (or just, wants things to revolve around him More) hed try to nudge things in that direction. and in his own way i think He might think hes doing something good, he knows when he was her age he would have killed to have a parent so eager to help him learn makeup and stuff but. claire isnt him. she probably isnt even interested in it at all but shes kinda desperate for Nice Moments and also doesnt wanna risk making him angry so she goes along with it. she always has her head in the clouds so all the things hes saying is too much at once but shes trying to comprehend it,,,,,

nd he keeps giggling at her for how awkwardly she moves her arm when putting on foundation and blush nd gets kind of annoyed with her for repeatedly flinching when he tries to help her with mascara nd teases her a bit for trying to taste the lip gloss (and keeps pointing out a flaw or two on her face “well, youve always had a sort of weird shaped face but youve always had the cutest little smile, its like Mine :)”) but they do it !! together !!! and nothing (that) bad happened !!!!!! so claire is happy,,,,,,,,,,, until that inevitably opens the gates of him trying to pick out what she wears for her and “””suggesting””” hairstyles for her and getting manipulative and even flatout Angry when she doesnt do what he wants her to (bc even when things Seem like theyre about claire they Are Not, its what He wants for her , in the end its still all about him) but, ive rambled enough to you already <:o) sorry for talking so much i just wanted to chat a bit abt opal with you !!!! hope ur doing well hehe . and im sorry this is rambly nd probably incomprehensible i just did a lot of work hkehri

ohhhhhhhh !!! FIRST I am super glad that all my constant rambling about this man has allowed you to go watch Jack Stauber’s awesome little short, it’s really good and deserves all the support !!!

also i totally appreciate you wanting to share your thoughts with me ;u;

AND I TOTALLY AGREE the whole idea of him projecting himself onto her, trying to take over her, I think that is so fitting for the short itself tbh, because it’s a reflection ( mirrors, hehe ) of what the mother wants from Claire as well. The thing that terrified Claire near the end is the mother reaching to hold onto her, specifically after the mom said that she was going to become just like her. The idea of her becoming her parents? it terrifies her, clearly!!

And Mirror Man, he is what they call a “archetypal narcissistic abuser”, in my eyes at least, and it would be really really common to see someone like that not only be so controlling and self absorbed that they treat their child like a decoration to themselves, but also use that child, especially as they get old enough to have opinions on the situation, to turn them against their partner-- such as.... the mom

so picture this

Claire is like 10-12, and she’s bright and she’s got a good heart but she’s WELL and truly Affected by the years of being brought up in that ridiculously toxic hell hole-- I mean house no idea if the grandpa would live that long uhhh in his state, but even if he does, he’s still very sick, disabled, and senile and he isn’t going to be much help. and Claire, she’s starting to have Opinions,, on how things are running around here,, but in swoops Mirror Dad

He’s like........ it’s your mother’s fault. Oh, absolutely, have you seen her? I mean look at her, she’s disgusting. she’s a drug addict, she’s a drunk, she’s ugly, she’s the reason you feel like this-- and maybe some of that is understandable, i mean she’s a real mess of a mom, no mistake, but hey

Nobody’s going to tell Claire who made her that way! Nobody’s going to tell her Mirror Dad was the one who trapped her in an unloving, possibly violent relationship, with a kid, and ripped apart every inch of her self worth !!!

Nope. she just sees the aftermath. So mirror dad...... turns claire on her. And she starts to side with him on things and she starts to even kinda talk like him maybe even....... learns how to do that dark and scary insecurity voice of his and one day She walks by the.... Reflection Chamber and Mirror Man is there in that way He Always Is in that seat he always sits in, and he says something very very odd to her! he raises a finger and curls it in and says come sit on my lap you haven’t gotten too big to sit on my lap have you?? come here!! and i mean Claire is still very very uncomfortable even being near him, and this feels like a trap, but i mean she can’t just say no, and there’s a part of her that’s kinda hoping... maybe he really is trying to be nice. and so she does and she sits with her but you’ll notice he is never looking directly at her. Even as she’s approaching literally right in his line of sight, he stares straight into her reflection, never her face. It’s like she’s not even real unless she’s in those mirrors.

And he tells her he wants to do her makeup! yay! how fun! and he tells her to close her eyes and pout her lips and try not to flinch when the sculpting starts or he’ll use his deep voice-- and how he’s going to finally FIX her. Goody!! then maybe the constant barrage of insults and negs and criticisms will stop!! (p.s. they wouldn’t have )

And so she opens her eyes..... and the face of her abuser is looking right back. It’s her face. Or it used to be-- now it’s literally his and it’s hideous-- it does not AT ALL belong on that body, and the only thing left of her is her big shiny eyes

and she S C R E A M S that way Claire does,,,

but this time, loud enough to crack the mirrors, and stun the dad just long enough for him not to catch her in his hands when she leaps off his lap and books it for the attic the attic, the view of the billboard with the same worn out, not updated ad for Opal’s in the window. She locks the door, it doesn’t take long for mirror man to come banging on it, telling her she’s ungrateful, she doesn’t deserve what little she has, taking back every nice thing he ever said, etc,,,

and Opal just starts clawing off the makeup/clay/whatever from her face in the mirror’s glass reflection, putting her hair back into the pigtails her father said made her look stupid

but she isn’t Opal, she’s changed, she’s aged, but Opal-- she’s always the same!! happy!! cared for!! and what is she supposed to be under the makeup? huh? Who is she besides the abuse she’s put through, that billboard and what it sells to her? she doesn’t know! nobody does nobody ever bothered to get to know what it even means to be Claire.

#HAHA. THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND WOOPS--#tw for..... just... the most depressing bs lmao #mail time !!#Claire #Opal #Mirror Man #Jack Stauber #shrigis

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soft-ris · 3 years

Note

Hi! I'm not sure if u still have slots for CP but if so could I have one? my top 3 from hq are bokuto, iwaizumi + miya atsumu! im 5'5, she/her w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes + tan skin. I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I love working out and I'm a huge foodie. I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda. I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing 1/2

im spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious! I'm empathetic + love comforting others! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings. I love autumn/winter, cooking + outdoors but also love cosy nights at home! I also really like protective people! Thank u sm in advance if theres still space <3 2/2

Cupid’s Pick for your match made in heaven is...

... Iwaizumi!!

...long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white.

All of them would find that super cool, like the unique style of it, their reactions would just vary.

Iwa would be wide eyed and go ‘wow’. He’d definitely stare, but in a good way because he’s 100% admiring the way you look with this style. There’s just no hiding that admiring look on his face, he can’t even if he tries tbh. He just thinks it’s so mf cool. Would subtly bask in the praises you get bc ‘hell yeah she’s fucking cool, that’s my girlfriend >:)’. Would compliment you for sure, simple and to the point, and you just know he means every word because his personality is like that.

Atsumu & Bo would be louder and more verbal & show-off-y. Lots of like ‘omfg this style is so cool?!?!?’. Would even go as far as saying ‘we matchBIXKJSANJC’ (especially Bo since the dyed colour is the same), since they have dyed hair themselves, and would also 100000% take pics and show them off to Osamu & Akaashi and their MSBY teammates and even post about u on their accounts bc they’re just so excited uwu

It’s also a given that they would change their wallpaper to u with this hairstyle ASAP uwu

I also really like protective people!

All of them are pretty protective in their own rights, I feel? The difference would be how they deal with the thing or person making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

I feel like Iwa would have no qualms being a sort of shield between you and that problem. If someone’s bothering you, he would step in between u and the person/people and bring you away from them AFTER (respectfully) glaring at them and telling them they’re making things uncomfortable for everyone. He’s quite observant too, having dealt with Oikawa’s personality and habits for a lot of his life, so he would be able to tell when you need his protection and when you can handle yourself. Tbh even when you can handle yourself, he’ll already be inching towards you, wanting to be by your side just in case it turns ugly. And if it ever turns ugly (which is fucked up because why tf would anyone wanna fight Iwa when he’s packing all those muscles??), ya know he won’t be fucking around. He may be a respectful man, but that doesn’t mean he won’t twist the person’s arm with a little more force than necessary if they tried to do shit to u. After the mf’s taken care of, he’ll take you some place quiet and make sure you’re alright, feeling safe and comforted by treating you softer than usual. Will also bring you your favourite snacks to help you ease your nerves and end the night on a better note. Overall, 10/10 boyfriend because your comfort and safety means a lot to him uwu <3

Atsumu would probably veeeery publically embarrass them by calling them out, and you know his words cut deeeeeep. He’ll be keeping a hand on you throughout the day/night, that’s for sure, until you’re home again. Just that touch of his to make sure you’re by his side and doing alright.

Bo would probably get angry (whether in a cute pouty way or in an intense anger would depend on the situation), unintentionally call them out (which would be hella embarrassing for the other person bc god they made BOKUTO angry??), and then he would just start trying to make sure you’re okay. He’d start being really touchy like cupping your face, hugging you from all angles, & etc. He’ll bring you home asap if the situation calls for it or if you ask him to or if the person isn’t gone from the space, but would probably stay if you tell him it’s alright and you’re okay now.

I think the both of them are protective in their own rights, but something about Iwa being really perceptive and having that strength and reliability to his personality that would probably make you feel the safest (based on yours and his traits).

I love working out and I'm a huge foodie.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME, (27), ATHLETIC TRAINER. CHAMPION OF ARM WRESTLING, AND EVERY SPORT IMAGINABLE.

I don’t think I need to say more, it’s all right thereKSKSKSK

He’ll work out with you and become those perfect work out couple goals. 1000000000000000000% for sure. And he’s an athletic trainer, so he knows how to help you maximize your work out.

I can also see him eating a lot with you on your food trips. Sure, his diet is pretty balanced, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to eat, and especially on cheat days he’ll happily indulge in the more ‘unhealthy’ foods with you.

I also don’t think he’ll be trying to control your diet, but maybe tell you stuff like ‘eat more veges/protein/etc.’ if you don’t eat properly. He cares for you and your health is important to him too. But if your diet is pretty good and balanced as is, then he’ll be a little more relaxed knowing you’re not surviving on only junk foods and sodas lol

I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing.

GREAT because I can see Iwa appreciating very much that you’d listen to him talk on about his rough day, gush the monsters he finds super fucking cool (like Godzilla), rants about Oikawa being a shit head (again), and so on.

I can see him being a great listener too, always nodding along and taking in what you ramble to him. Giving comments and insights too if he can. And if he doesn’t have the capacity or energy for that (most probably bc work was draining or he isn’t having a good day), he’d tell you straight up (if you didn’t catch the physical clues he displays). Politely and to the point, without malice.

Oikawa is teasing and playful with him, so he’s practically built to handle it like a pro since childhoodKSKSKSK

But he won’t resort to violence with you ofc, just with Oikawa <3 depending on the nature of your teasing, he’d either roll his eyes and maybe bump your shoulder lightly (or some other light form of contact), or he’ll try to tease you back. I can also see him blushing and asking you to shut it if your teasing grants that kind of reaction if yk what I meanKSKSKS

The night owl bit, he understands, but would tell you sometimes to not mess up your schedule and to sleep earlier if you can because that’s just how he shows that he cares. If you point out that he sounds like a nagging mom, he’d pop a vein and tackle you (softly) and drag you to bed and be a little kid about it like ‘HA what can u do now that u can’t escape my arms?? Who’s a nagging mom now??’. Y’all would 100% end up in giggles UWUWUWUWUWU

I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda.

I can see Atsumu & Bo loving and basking in the PDA more than Iwa, because that shit makes him flustered so hard and he has to take a while to get used to having someone show him such bold displays of love. But I feel like Iwa would really grow to like it tho uwu

All 3 of them are kind of stubborn in their own way? If y’all disagree on something, I can see Bo & Iwa coming to a compromise with you easier than Atsumu.

Iwa would make you a cup of coffee just the way you like it every day when you wake up because it’s his actions with the littlest things that show you the loudest how much he loves you. He’s also great with holding you back on your more dangerous and rash and potentially harmful impulses, like the reliable figure that gives you good reasons and talks you out of reeeeaaally bad decisions, but he’s also a whole Gemini so he’ll indulge in your impulses with you more often than you think heh heh

I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings.

That’s a great trait for all of the boys tbh, because all 3 of them needs someone like that due to their personalities.

Atsumu would understand that you’re not playing mind games and he wouldn’t then try to play it back or burst into flames. Bo would be thankful because he can just take your words as is. And that’s the same for Iwa too. While he’s observant and can probably read between the lines no problem, straight forwardness just makes things easier for him because he’s pretty straight forward too. And I feel that if he can count on you for that, then he’ll be probably allow himself to rely on you more.

If you praise them, they’ll know you mean it too and they’ll be real happy about it uwu

I'm empathetic + love comforting others!

Another great attribute for all 3 of them. Bo & Atsumu melts in a more obvious way (and in the moment) when you comfort them and when you empathize with them, but Iwa? It’s in the way he squeezes your hand right after, the look in his eyes are soft and so is his grateful smile. It’s in the way he hugs you later in bed, curving into you like a cat, arms secure around you, and he whispers a very tender ‘thank you’. It’s in the way he kisses you good morning the day after, hand on your cheek as if he’s holding the world in it, and he feels like he is. I’d say it’s more quiet with Iwa’s display of gratitude, but it’s just as loud as the other two, there’s no doubt about that.

I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I’m spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious!

Your outgoing and naturally flirty self would probably capture all 3 of their hearts, with Iwa putting up a little more fight than the rest (he doesn’t take it as him being special, but falls for your sweet words regardless bc he likes u so much).

Bo & Atsumu would satisfy your love language more, both looking like they’re very comfortable in showing you they love you in that way. Iwa might be a more muted than the 2, but if y’all are dating, he’d always have a hand on you somehow. Whether its holding your hand, a hand on your back, on your cheek, & etc. Like he just finds a way to always have contact with you, especially when he finds out your love language if physical touch. He’ll put in the effort, that’s for sure.

Atsumu might not do as well with your emotional trait? He doesn’t mince his words, and even if he tries to be softer with you, it’s not 100% that he’ll change that part of himself. He’ll try to comfort you, apologize and sooth your wounds if he hurts you bad, but it’s how he is with his words – blunt and (mainly) unfiltered. Iwa isn’t blunt, I’d say? He knows what to say and when to say it and how to say it, and he’s also caring, so I feel like he’d do very well with this trait of yours.

Being energetic meshes pretty well with Bo bc he’s pretty energetic himself. Iwa himself has a lot of energy, so he would most definitely keep up with your energy no problem.

Every other trait I can see doing well with Iwa. He’d admire it, and some would even push him further too by feeding off your traits too.

#hq #cupids_pick #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #haikyū!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq_stuff

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axemetaphor · 4 years

Text

im sleeby and i cant write my essay and have 0 brain cells i wanna ramble on abt Untitled Villains Project and i fuckign will i dont care if it makes 0 sense !!!

aall of it is a Big Fucken ... Morality Play i guess asdfghj ive never poasted about it before so the run-down is it’s a comedy cartoon-show im workin on thatll prolly be for teens/young aduts/etc basically it’s not really a kids show cause it has some dark themes but by god id rather die than fall into the trap of Ugly Adult Show so young adults it is! the plot centers around two teams of villains who just happen to be vying for the same goal (in a sense). the comedy comes from them butting heads and the general banter shenanigans

there are like three and a half main characters asdfghj the fourth main character is more of a nebulous figure not involved i nthe action. closest analogy is hordak in that new she-ra ? that character is named Boss and she’s a feral scientist because i dont like the connotations of “mad” scientist and since she’s a maned wolf .. puns! shes also the oldest main character, clockin in at 30-soemthing by her words. she refuses to be specific but she is Adult For Sure

her assistant, Toxic Porcupine, the gremlin in my icon atm, is also her guinea pig. they can teleport! due to some sorta horrifying shit Boss tried on them! they were of course a willing participant. theyre extremely reckless, the youngest member of the show (19), so theyre like “im young! im invincible! yahoo!” theyre an absolute thorn i nthe side of the other two main characters who both think Toxic is like. 10 at the oldest. theyre small and have a very Young Lad sort of voice and they SCREAM so very much

the other two are Vex and Unknown ! theyre genetic experiments who are tyring to hide that fact, with Unknown passing themself off as a weirdly pointy raccoon and Vex just pretending to be a normal cat. Vex is a lot less weird-looking and can pass for a tabby cat despite being part fox. Unknown is an amnesiac who lost their memories at 24 under mysterious circumstances that Toxic, somehow, knows something about but refuses to say much of anything on. now at 26 they’re still re-learning a Lot about life and the world and they still have little lapses of memory sometimes that can be kinda scary. but overall theyre coping well! they have some mysterious powers they can’t identify or access, only remember in dreams. Vex is unaware they remember at all.

Vex (27) is the leader of the duo. she’s a sociopath (not hyperbolic; i’m researching sociopathy as best i can and aim for her to be a positive portrayal). she has the ability to sort of temporarily mind-control people verbally, as in, she can say “hey, go do this” and the person will do it with no recollection of doing so. it works best on one person at a time (no, it doesnt stack, she can’t address multiple people one-by-one it diminishes the more people she Manipulates) and can work minimally on up to four. by the time it’s four she can only compel them to like, turn around, or take a step or two, or drop something, etc. small stuff. she does this mostly to keep her and Unknown’s missions nonviolent, as a body count would be Pretty Not Good to deal with. she has no qualms abt killing people but logically understands it’s frowned-upon and would likely cause problems.

so anyhow the main conflict rises from the fact that Boss wants to study ancient magical artifacts to figure out what the Fuck magic really is, believing there to be a tie between magic and technology. Unknown and Vex work for a mafia-type organization that often wants the same artifacts purely for money-laundering purposes. shenanigans ensue when Toxic and Unknown&Vex are sent after the same thing ! this also is entirely because im a huge art history nerd asdfghjkl

i m all otu of steam now goodnite i might delete this in the morning bt ! if you read this far pls do tell me wot ya think of the Concept ... blease im too shyto sharw this irl but i crave crit on my ideas sdfghjk

#untitled villains project #not sonic #rambles.txt #delete later ? mayhap ?

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ardentlythieving · 5 years

Text

Heyyyy everybody welcome back to the rambling with Ardent show coz yet again I’ve been having thoughts and typing them out helps me process them so here they are. As always if u rebagel i kill you but like,,,, not today or tomorrow just one day...... ummm putting this one under a cut and like tw: abuse coz im gonna be talking quite heavily about that hhhhh.

Hi, I’m Ardent and I’m an introvert. “But Ardent you act like the LEAST introverted person I know”. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buckle up peeps coz all will be explained... eventually. This one is gonna be a long one.

Ok so I’m not 100% on where to take this one so it might be kinda messy, but y’all can just deal yea coz that’s what my brain is like All The Time. Anyways. I guess it started when I was REALLY young. Not the abuse itself, that’ll tie in later but. Fun Ardent Fax number 67: I was homeschooled until I was about 9. And here’s a free secret from me: homeschooling + adhd = a 9y/o who doesn’t reallly know how to relate to other ppl. Hella shy, hella nervous, bad at making friends. Got bullied quite a bit, it was whatever. Safe to say I was a pretty Lonely Kid. This isn’t part of the abuse, but it did set me up for it I guess. Like, it made me vulnerable in a specific way that someone could, and did, exploit.

When I was 12 was when I met her. She has quite a unique name and despite what she did to me I don’t wanna doxx her so imma call her NJB for nutjob bitch because I can be nasty if I want to and right now I want to. Shut up, this is my post not urs. Anyways, we were in the same class, we were both cut off from any other friends we had at that point due to them being in different classes and we kinda.. fell in together. Around this point was also when my mom got diagnosed with cancer, which will become relevant later. Back to the story. So for about a year, maybe a little longer everything was great. We got really close really quickly. She was probably my first Real Best Friend since I started school. Now the year before I HAD made some friends, but like I said, they all got put in other classes. And I was so friggin scared of going back to being that lonely that I got real close to her real fast.

Then we started high school/college/whatever you wanna call it. And that was the point where things got.... weird. NJB started lying. About a ton of shit. And it was stuff that I KNEW was bullshit, but if I didn’t take her seriously enough she got pissy at me. And then like a week later wow, lie no longer relevant, wonder why that is??? Lmao. Now at this point there were other people in our group of friends. Who had all joined the group through NJB. This should’ve been a MASSIVE red flag, but I was like 13 or 14, so I didn’t pick up on it. Basically anyone else I wanted to hang out with, she wasn’t interested in getting to know. And if I hung out with other ppl and tried to become friends with them she started getting very pissy about that. And like... she was my Best Friend and these were people with Friend Potential and I didn’t wanna be lonely again so it was really no contest.

And at this point she got bored of general lies and started lying about ME. Everything would be fine for a while and then she’d be like “why did you do/say this?” And it was something that NEVER happened. And sometimes she wouldn’t even explicitly say what I supposedly did, she’d just tell me that “I know what I did” (no i dont coz it never happened) and then she’d call me an ugly bitch or whatever. I could apologise or I could try and remind her that it never happened or I could just say nothing and take it and it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t talk to me, she’d stop our other friends from talking to me, and I would just be isolated for a while. A couple of times she threatened to beat me up, although she never actually did.

And then she’d be all “I forgive you” or she wouldn’t even do that she’d just act like it never happened and was all ready to be friends again and I didn’t HAVE anyone else and I hated hated hated being so LONELY and would’ve done anything to stop. And I think there was also a bit of me that was scared of what she would do if I said no. So I’d go back to being her friend and everything would be great and fun and wonderful for a while and then it would happen again. And again. And again. For about a year.

Then my mom died. And I took a month off school. And two weeks after I got back, she did it again. Yeah. My mom had been dead 6 weeks and she decided this was the perfect time to make up lies about the depressed girl. I lost it. I literally threw myself at her. I got pulled off her and just kept trying to kick her, but I couldn’t and I was sent out of class. Didn’t get in trouble for it, but I got to spend that class sitting in the library reading and it was the only class I had with her so... probably for the best lmao. And on the very last day of school for the year she came up to me and acted like nothing had happened and I was so relieved to not have to be alone anymore and that she’d forgiven me for attacking her that I just.... went along with it. For another year or two. And then I finally had other friends and one day she started one of those lies that weren’t about me, but I was supposed to be ultra sympathetic to and I just. Walked away.

And then the abuse itself was over, but the trauma was still there. And I repressed it so fuckin deep I only really remembered this shit all happened about a month ago. I got scared right, like deep down all the way inside me, of being that dependent on one person ever again that I would let them treat me like that because being alone was worse. And that was the point when I became an extrovert. I forced myself into that role of talking to as many disconnected people as possible and having as many different groups as possible because it was the only way I felt safe. Because she didn’t start that shit until at least a year into our friendship, so how tf was I supposed to believe that the new people in my life would 100% never hurt me like that? I still don’t know how. So I coped the only way I could: by making sure that even if someone DID pull that shit and cut me off from a group of friends I had other options.

It also meant I have... issues dealing with loss. Because I DID have one other friend for the first year that was going on. And then she moved to Australia and I was totally alone. So I guess I started associating losing friends with becoming dependent on one person again, which ironically enough made me more and more dependent on anyone I thought I was losing. That’s one I’m working through. Now that I’ve realized it’s what’s going on I can actually start addressing it and tbh I feel so much better now I am. Still don’t know how to deal with the whole “im forcing myself to act like an extrovert even when it exhausts me coz it’s the only way i feel safe”, but it’s whatever. I’m on meds now and I have a good support network and I’ve started therapy. One day I’ll figure it out. I’ve been living like this for this long, I can keep it up until I reach somewhere better.

And I guess that’s my sign off reminder. Whatever you’re going through, you’ve survived it this long. You can keep surviving until you reach somewhere better. One day we’ll all get to be a person we’re happy with, we just gotta hold on and work to it together. Ardently, signing out.

#ardently original #tw: abuse #cw: abuse #donut rebagel #the introspection with ardent show

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ac-ars · 6 years

Text

all your colors start to burn

this is a mess and an au no one needs until they see it, well at least me and two (2) other people

im sure it’s very obvious how much i wanted to stab myself while writing it since i have not been able to write recently, but welp this had to happen so dont really expect any miracles or proofreading lol

all your colors start to burn

Luna takes deep breath and pushes the door slightly, blessing the fact that it’s not that heavy. She looks around immediately and it’s dark, but not this creepy dark, it’s actually nice and despite all the creeps the whole idea gives her, she is set on doing this. She stops when the door behind her closes with small thump and she can only look around.

There are drawings hanging on black walls in some order; it’s like lowkey mess, but somehow it’s logical, silver frames are all the same, no matter if the picture is bigger or smaller. All of them are black and white, there is no color and it’s intimidating Luna since she’s not used to lack of it, the longer she watches the drawings, the more intense they get. Music in the background is sure, powerful and completely not Luna’s style. The guitar is too harsh just like the singing voice, yet the melody makes it bearable and that’s all she needs right now.

Someone clears their throat and she looks towards the counter. It’s not that high, but there’s a guy sitting by it and watching her intently. Luna is speechless in a second, all her courage decides to leave by tiny gap under the door. She sees a black t-shirt, too big, too loose for him, but that seems to be done on purpose. The collar is weirdly worn, like it has survived too many careless takings off and yet the guy still makes it look good. His arms are completely covered with ink; one is big geometric theme while the other has some smaller singular tattoos, Luna can even see few constellations there and some letters, but they are unreadable from this distance.

Dark eyes scan her continuously with this weird glint from under the glasses before he smiles lazily, and chuckles shaking his head softly and making his short curls bounce with grace. He bites on the pencil and leans his chin on his hand still grinning, and suddenly Luna feels like an alien in this light sundress, surrounded by black.

The guy lets out small, soft sigh and asks her with completely careless tone. “Did you get lost, miss?”

She pouts and approaches him, stopping by the counter and trying to focus on not staring at him. He looks even more interesting when he is close, but that’s not a point here.

“No. I’m not lost,” she just says, hoping it sounded surely, but his smile widens up and she feels like a kid trying to buy a wine.

“Then what made you enter this very dark place, hm?” he points at her with his chin and Luna just blushes. She simply blushes not sure why, this is a mess and she just came here for a reason with set goal.

“Listen,” she starts, resting her hands on the counter and her fingers automatically proceed to nervous fidgeting. The guy chuckles at this. “Come on, calm down. I won’t bite you despite the fact I may look like that.” Luna just rolls her eyes.

“I want a tattoo, obviously.”

He snorts. “Is your mom okay with that?” She opens her mouth wide, completely offended, but tries to chill with small breaths. “I’m adult person. And I’m sure you shouldn’t, despite how young I look, make fun of me. That was just rude and disrespectful.”

The guy nods, takes off his glasses and brushes his face with his hand. Luna keeps glaring at him, not sure why she even chose this place. Probably because google told her it’s one of the best here, yet it didn’t warn her against asshole tattoo artists.

He sighs dramatically. “I’m sorry. Okay, I believe you, but I’m working here too long to not ask you for ID or whatever. I mean I ask everyone, so that’s just formality now.”

Luna nods and just reaches to her purse for the wallet without saying anything. She places her students ID on the counter and slides it towards him, watching how his fingers take it and how his nose scrunches making his glasses lowkey fall down his nose. He somehow tries to find something for her, of course he does, because he is acting ridiculous since the very moment she entered the place and doesn’t really believe that she’s been done with teen years for few months already.

When he keeps staring at it anxiously Luna just sighs and lowkey throws at him her driver’s license, giving him two more minutes before she will turn away and leave to some other place. He looks at her and smiles sheepishly, reaching his hand to his nape to scratch it slightly and showing another part of his covered in ink arm by the way. Luna hopes she won’t be forced to leave; if any part of the drawings on the walls is his and he made projects of those he has on his arms she actually thinks he won’t fuck up her small one, besides she would be able to stare at him and this doesn’t require him talking.

Eventually, he sends her another awkward look. “Okay. I’m sorry for being rude. I promise I will be nice now.”

Luna sighs. “Are you having this conversation with every short girl entering this place?” He shakes his head softly, apparently he likes to does it no matter if he’s denying something or is just amused.

“Not really.” He shrugs biting the pencil again and looking at her while Luna just counts the time, wondering if she can leave already or that would be mean. She opens her mouth to just thank him and go, but the very same second he takes a paper and scribbles Luna’s name in the left upper corner.

“I see you really wanna go so I gotta hurry up. Is it gonna be your first tattoo?” Suddenly he turns serious and focused, but she waits for the moment when he gets easy and flirty again.

“Yes, yes.” She just answers and he hums, fixing his sit on the chair a little. “Well then, I think it should be small one, I mean it’s your tattoo so you can decide, but first time you’re not really used to the fact that it can hurt.”

Luna nods resting her elbows on the counter and zones out while looking at her name on the paper until she wakes up when he asks something. “What?”

He smiles at her lazily, once again and she notices this lovely, soft dimple in his left cheek. “Questions, do you have any questions before we start figuring out how to ink you?”

She loses like half of her chill when he says that with this careless, low voice that makes her shiver and Luna guesses that if he can make fun of her, she can too.

“I have like one, is there something you just don’t do? Also just tell me your name, because it’s weird that you know mine and I don’t know yours.”

He chuckles fixing the glasses on his nose as they keep falling. “My name is Matteo and thanks for reminding about that, I’m just… lowkey distracted today. Sorry again.” She smiles softly when he messes his hair and continues. “I don’t really tattoo in color, I guess it doesn’t work for me. Why?”

Luna pretends to be very disappointed. “Oh, that’s sad. So my dreams of this big, red dragon on my back will have to wait.”

Matteo stares at her frozen as if she already had the red dragon on her face and she just keeps the look until he blinks surprised. Now she’s not able to stop herself and she snorts. “I was joking, don’t worry. I want just tiny sun tattooed. No colors.”

He lets out small breath of relief making her giggle at this, and starts doodling something, probably her sun. “Where do you want to have it?”

“On the left side, on the ribs, I guess.” Luna just shrugs, still not sure if left or right.

Matteo hisses, biting on his lower lip. “Oh baby, that’s gonna really hurt you,” he mumbles and she pouts a little ignoring the way he just called her. “How much?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but let’s just say that very, very much. You shouldn’t get first tattoo in such place.” His lips move into thin line and she sighs. “But it will be small so will it really be that bad?”

“You really want it to be there, don’t you?” Matteo looks at her with cute smile and she can’t really do anything except smiling back and nodding. “Okay then,” he sighs raising his hands up, as if he’s giving up. “we can try, it’s your pain, not mine after all.” Luna rolls her eyes but takes it. “When can it be, like the date?”

“That’s a good question you are asking me here, wait a second,” he says reaching for the calendar, letting Luna appreciate the muscles by the way, and flips through it for a moment. “How about Saturday in two weeks, 9 AM?”

She hums, trying to remember if she has anything to do at this time, but it’s Saturday so no uni, it’s morning so no work yet. “Yeah, yes this works. I should give you my number now, right?”

Matteo chuckles, “you are a straightforward one, I see. Anyway, yes. Your number.” She scrunches her nose, but just gives it to him, and when he closes the notebook he pulls the chair from behind him and smirks. “Come on, we gotta figure out your sun so it’s pretty and hurts the least possible, am I wrong?”

She checks the time on her phone before entering the place ten minutes to nine and almost bumps into tall guy with curly hair. He frowns at her confused, but steps aside, so she can get into without a problem.

“Um, hi,” Luna mumbles, not sure what else to do.

He frowns even more, but chills few seconds later. “Do you need anything?” This is much better welcome than last time she was here. He is wearing a simple, white tshirt, which is contrasting with the whole place so much, Luna feels it almost fresh. One of his forearms is tattooed plus she can see some black ink peeking from under his tshirt on his nape.

“I was, you know-” she starts rambling and stuttering, suddenly all messy. “The tattoo- nine am, Matteo-”

The guy snorts softly shaking his head and making Luna wonder if it’s not annoying that his hair is hitting his face all the time. He raises his arms and crosses them on top of his head, lowkey flexing the muscles. “Balsano!,” he yells, “hurry up your ugly ass, your sungirl is here.”

Luna almost chokes, not sure why but this seems ridiculous as hell. One, the fact that she was called a sungirl, and two, maybe she didn’t see Matteo’s ass last time, but she is sure it’s not any close to ugly.

She blushes with her thoughts, but the same second she hears loud-quiet ‘What?’ from some other room in the place, and the curly guy standing next to her rolls his eyes. Luna sighs and just mumbles: “It’s okay, I am too early anyway. I can wait here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry him to you so he can pretty-tattoo you?” The guy frowns again and she giggles, because it seems like he likes to frown, or many things are ridiculous to him.

The brunette smiles and nods softly, extending her hand and hoping it’s not weird or some shit. “I’m Luna actually. Luna.” She repeats, so he doesn’t call her any names anymore.

He takes her hand and his sure grip distracts her a little while she is wondering if he works here; if yes it’s probably a rule in this place that weird, edgy and hot guys work here only.

“I’m Ramiro, this is my actual name, no matter what Balsano tells you.” He mentions is probably Matteo and Luna hums, not sure again what to do now. Ramiro seems to notice that she is uncomfy and points at the couch by one of the walls. “Sit there if you can and wait, he is cleaning the stuff after last person, so it should be all ready for 9.”

She smiles at him again and he sends her quick wink before disappearing in the other room. When it’s like two minutes before nine she hears footsteps, what makes her raise her eyes towards the counter just to see Matteo checking his phone by the counter. After that he looks at her finally, she feels like she has waited two centuries before he finally moves his dark look to her and smirks. He looks really, really good in this red tshirt, and Luna is a mess.

Matteo brushes together his hands. “Are you ready?”

The brunette nods and gets up, checking if she has her phone in back pocket, before approaching him not being able to smile. “I wouldn't really say that I'm ready, but I'm the most ready I could be, I guess.”

He chuckles softly. “Sure thing. Don't you have anyone to hold your hand or something?” Luna sighs shaking her head and staring at him as he is eyeing her up and down slowly.

“I hope I don't look like underage today,” she pouts at his immediate smirk and shakes her head.

“Oh come on, everyone sometimes does something dumb.”

She crosses her arms and makes slightly bitter face, not sure why but wanting to banter with him just a little longer. “They say well begun is half done, don’t they?” Matteo looks down after snorting softly and Luna feels definitely better. He wants to say something, but someone interrupts them.

“Not that I wanna cut in, but I think we all are ready. Balsano, champion, she is as pretty as you said, but chill your storm in your teacup.” Ramiro rolls his eyes and claps his hands few times before he leaves again.

Luna feels how her cheeks get warm, not sure what to focus on right now. On the fact that Matteo said that she was pretty; or at least told the other guy about her, or on his face which seems lowkey awkward now and she actually finds it cute.

He sighs and looks at her. “Let’s go.”

She follows him into the other room, the one where Ramiro disappeared before and she notices immediately that it’s as black as the earlier one, with the difference that there is bright, white light everywhere. It almost blinds her, but she manages to look around. The drawings are present here as well, in the same frames and it’s super weird; owner of this place is either a psycho or someone who loves silver frames. Or both.

Matteo goes to the desk with all weird tattoo stuff Luna has no idea how to name since she’s never really cared about tattoos before. Now she just wants to have one and keep not caring, because it’s very easier, and all this shit seems complicated. After very dramatic putting on the gloves he turns to her with small paper with her sun and looks at her seriously, yet with tiny sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “This is the one, isn’t it?”

Luna nods. “This exactly. I thought we were sure last time I was here.” He hums softly. “Yes, but I have to make sure that you are sure. Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“It is gonna stay there forever.” It feels like he is trying to break her with his look, but she doesn’t want to give up here. It’s her forever.

She shrugs. “That’s what I want here, if I wanted to play I would have gone to get henna.” Her eye-roll apparently entertaining him and Luna wonders if he ever gets annoyed by something else than Ramiro.

“Okay, so where exactly are we making it?” Matteo hums with small smirk, asking her softly, and Luna can only ride her tshirt up. He is completely casual about that what makes sense, he makes tattoos on people daily so what’s a part of skin? She points at the small area on her ribs on left side, which would be just under the bra line, if only she had a bra today. He smiles and presses the design to her skin and slowly leads her towards this one big mirror on the wall. She looks at the reflection with tiny hum and rests her fingers to his hand, moving it a little more to her side instead of her front.

“Here.”

Matteo nods and takes the design away. “Well, sit down, or I would recommend lying down as comfy as you are. And take your tshirt somehow, so it won’t fall or interrupt during the process, you know what I mean.”

The mirror covers almost whole wall and she stares at the reflection of the entire room. Matteo adjusted this weird, comfy chair so she could lie down no matter how weird it felt, plus he sat down behind her so now she can see him all. Her hair she pulled in the high ponytail before leaving the home got slightly messy, but it still doesn’t really mess with anything. She tied her tshirt few centimeters above the place of her tattoo, the only way to keep it up without it being weird.

Matteo seems to be focused, which means no flirty comments, or smirks or even dumb smiles which is not that reassuring and Luna guesses she will probably die or, at the very best, pass out here. He’s done all shit to prepare her skin for the tattooing itself, telling her all about whatever he was doing and it was calming her down. Now he is quiet and she is this tiny ball of nerves, regretting not bringing Simón here (not that she would want to come here with him and let someone think they are any couply) or someone else who would at least talk to her and distract.

He takes this weird thingy which second later ends up being a weird needle; not that Luna is scared of them, but somehow she is stressed about this very needle, which will probably hurt like a bitch. Luna keeps watching his hands and trying to chill and hating on this whole situation so much.

“Can you talk to me?” She ends up asking and he smiles at her with little frown as he reaches for the machine. “What do you want me to talk then?”

“I don’t know. Whatever, just distract me.”

Matteo chuckles putting the needle into the machine and sighs. “Don’t worry, we will try to not kill you today.” Luna gives him concerned look in the mirror between throwing glances at his hands, because the speed of his fingers in such a simple action surprises her more than anything today, what makes him only more amused. “But really, I will be as gentle as I can, so it will hurt less than it would if the curly ass tattooed you.”

He takes the jelly from the desk and applies it on her skin with slow moves, Luna focuses on it and sighs. “How much can I trust you in this?”

“I have been making tattoos for like 5 years, so I had enough time to practice how to hurt people less.” She giggles at this and he stops her from moving with his hand on her waist. “Okay now we gotta focus.”

The brunette bites on her lower lip when he wipes the jelly off his gloves with paper towel and takes the tattoo machine with sure grip. “Now we are calm, we don’t move and we have to breathe normally. Okay?”

She likes the way he talks to her. With this soft voice while looking at her and no matter what he would be saying, she would still like that and embrace it completely. She has to force herself to focus on what he is talking to her, not how he is doing that and that’s actually difficult after him using we instead of you, and Luna feels more reassured than scared right now, so maybe it won’t be that bad.

Matteo explains her why he used the jelly and how the whole machine works, which Luna is impossibly grateful for, before reminding her to breathe once again. Then, he turns on the machine; the sound is lowkey annoying and she’s not sure if she will be able to hear him if she wants to ask something, but well, they will see that.

She turns her head back to look at him, and he just winks at her. “Don’t worry, it’s just a tiny needle. It can’t really hurt you, just sting and annoy and try to focus on the annoying part. Plus we are just outlining here, no shading or coloring so that won’t be long.”

This weird noise isn’t the best thing to listen to, but could be worse and it could be louder so Luna doesn’t complain. Matteo smiles at her as he takes single paper towel sheet and sighs. “Ready?”

She nods and the needle touches her skin.

“And no long baths, no swimming pools or anything like this. Just don’t let it get wet, okay?” He asks while finishing bandaging her skin and Luna tries to take a breath; doesn’t really hurt so that’s a success she guesses. She can only nod at that, because it stings. It stings like a bitch and she has no idea how long it will keep stinging, but she can’t find any words to ask Matteo about that.

The only thing Luna is able to do it thinking of his soft hands making sure that all her side with tattoo is safe and covered, and later watching him how he gets rid of the ink, and the needle, and everything he used with her. He gets up, still talking, and takes off the black gloves in swift motion before throwing them into trash carelessly.

“If it, by some accident or whatever, gets infected, just go to the doctor. You will get antibiotics and it shouldn’t be that bad.” She smiles softly; he seems to be rambling like this. Maybe he tells that to everyone, but the light tone of his voice seems to be somehow unusual and little faster than the very first time she had talked to him.

Matteo washed his hands twice before going back to her and frowning a bit. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m good.” And she actually is, not sure if she can get up without her knees shaking, but decides to try and, fortunately, her legs don’t give up.

“You are pale.” He pouts a little and Luna shakes her head. “It’s nothing, I’m great really. Ar you always so protective over people who you sting with needles?” She asks teasingly, with intention of changing the topic, and he catches it.

“No, no. I’m trying to be nice, because I don’t want you to faint on your way home and sue me, of course.” Obviously.

The brunette giggles, still looking at him. “So you know that one can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Next time you should start being nice as soon as you see someone entering the studio.”

Matteo’s eyes almost light up in amusement. “Maybe, but I am neither honey nor vinegar. And you definitely aren’t a fly, my dear.” Despite his words, his voice does feel seems like sweet, warm honey and she can’t get out of his little charm for few seconds, until he speaks again. “Besides, we all make mistakes and I’ve seen too many cases of girls looking older than you while being younger than you, so don’t judge me, please.” He sighs, looking around. “I would love to stay and chat more, but I gotta clean around and you probably have someone to show your pretty tattoo to. Are you sure you remember all stuff you gotta do and not do with this?” He asks raising his eyebrow and Luna nods slightly few times.

“Perfect then. If you ever decide you want another one or something, I will give you some discount. Just remember to mention me or the curly head if there is someone else.” He says nodding his head at the back.

The brunette sends him a smile. “Thanks. That sounds nice. And I guess next time will be in some place that won’t hurt like hell.”

“That’s a very great idea. See you around then. Soon, I hope.” He winks at her and she nods confused, trying to hide her blush, and turns around, walking towards the exit and feeling his eyes softly curling around her body. It feels weird, but she somehow likes it and doesn’t really look back.

Luna takes deep breath and opens the door with small push, knowing already she doesn’t need to use more strength and smiles to herself. Matteo is drawing again, too focused this time to notice her until she rests her elbow on the counter. He raises his eyes at her and smirks slightly.

“Already want new one? That was quicker than I thought.”

The brunette shakes her head softly and her hair tickles her cheeks. “Not really. At least today. Today I want something else.”

#soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #my writing

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adoringcalliopeandgamzee · 7 years

Text

HEY

NOW THAT I HAVE YOuR ATTENTION. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

*BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAAAAHHHH*

NAH NOT REALLY.

I WANNA MAKE A CANON CALL POST. I WANT TO FIND GAMZEE, CALLIOPE, AND THE FELT MEMBERS, AND REALLY ANYBODY.. IM JuST AFRAID APPROACHING Y’ALL WOuLD SCARE Y’ALL.

THIS CALIBORN WASN’T THAT BAD I PROMISE, SO I HOPE YOuRS WASN’T TOO.

LONG BELOW. I GOT CARRIED AWAY LMAO. (TW: MENTIONS OF BLOOD, GORE, INTENSE INJuRY AND DEATH.

CALLIE AND I LOOKED LIKE EXACTLY HOW I DRAW uS. I’LL SEND PICS AS NEEDED BuT IM LAZY. I STILL KILLED HER.

WE SENT EACHOTHER NOTES VIA OuR SYLLABuS. PLAYED CHESS. LIKE IN CANON.

I HAD A SILLY CONVO WITH NOIR. HIM GIVING ME THE SICKEST BuRN.

“So describe this sister.” “uGH OKAY. IMAGINE ME. BuT GREEN.” “You’re already green, bub.” “OKAY THEN AN uGLY GROSS GREEN.” “Still you.”

GAMZEE POPPED IN AND OuT WHEN WE WERE GROWING uP, BuT I NEVER KNEW HIM BEFORE I DOMINATED. HE JuST LEFT THINGS AND BOLTED.

I REMEMBER JEERING DIRK AND OuR LITTLE PORNO FEST. BuT WE NEVER QuITE CLICKED. HE WAS THE ONLY KID I REALLY LIKED THO, SO MuCH IT WAS A RED BLACK MESS.

HE SENT ME THE PARTS TO MY LEG AND HELPED ME PuT IT TOGETHER. HE KNEW THAT CALLIOPE WAS A GONER NO MATTER WHAT HE SAID SO MAY AS WELL.

TuRNS OuT IM NOT A VERY GOOD BITE. THE LEG CAME OFF! BLOOD DIDN’T STOP. I WAS RuNNING ON ADRENALINE AND SPITE AS I JAMMED IT ON AND ENTERED. IT HuRT LIKE THE WORST BITCH YOu COuLD IMAGINE.

I STuFFED CALLIOPE’S ART AROuND IT WHILE I WALKED, AND WALKED, AND WALKED. AS I APPROACHED THE TOWER AND GAMZEE, EVERYTHING WAS FuZZY. I BLINKED HARD AND FOCuSED THO. WASN’T LETTING NO BLOODLOSS GET ME DOWN!

GAMZEE SCARED THE SHIT OuT OF ME LMAO. I DIDN’T SHOOT HIM BuT MAN DID I BOOK IT. GAMZEE FOLLOWED AFTER ME, MAINLY BCAuSE HE WAS CONCERNED ABOuT THE SEMI-STEADY TRAIL OF BLOOD.

MY FIRST CONVO WITH HuSSIE IS ONE I CAN BARELY REMEMBER. I TOLD HIM TO BE QuIET, HE CALLED ME IRRATIONAL FOR BITING MY LEG OFF, THEN QuIETED DOWN BCAuSE HE WONDERED IF I WAS EVEN OKAY.

I DON’T REMEMBER MY RESPONSE, I PASSED OuT. I WOKE uP THO, SO DW. I WAS IN A WEIRD LITTLE SPOT, AND WHEN I LOOKED DOWN, MY LEG WAS BANDAGED WITH PuRPLE FABRIC.

GAMZEE SAVED ME, AND FED ME TOO. SOME MEAT AND SPECIAL STARDuST, CAN FIX ANY LEG ISSuES. I DRANK ONE OF HIS POTIONS TOO. I THINK THE ONE OF ERIDAN’S BLOOD. TOLD HIM IT WAS REALLY SALTY WATER AND IT WAS GROSS.

I FOuND THE CROWBAR JuJu THERE, AND THE KEYS I NEEDED TO CHANGE MY TEXT COLOuR.

IM uNSuRE WHEN I GOD TIERED, BuT I REMEMBER BEING REALLY NONCHALANT OVER IT. GAMZEE WAS WORRIED FOR ME, BuT I JuST GuNNED MYSELF IN THE STOMACH AND GOT IT OVER WITH.

THE FELT MEMBERS DIDN’T EXACTLY TRuST ME AT FIRST. SOME DID! ITCHY AND DOZE HAD NO GRIPES AGAINST ME (I KICKED ITCHY WHERE THE CHARMS DON’T SHINE BCAuSE HE WOuLDN’T STOP TO LET ME LOOK AT HIM.) , CLOVER LIKED ME AND TRACE AND FIN WERE NEuTRAL. DIE WAS SILLY AND MOSTLY JuST KEPT QuIET. CROWBAR WAS ANNOYED I DIDN’T GET THE POINT ABOuT GIVING HIM THE CROWBAR JuJu.

STITCH WAS AWESOME. HE WAS LIKE A SOuTHERN GRANDPA. I REMEMBER HE MADE THE EFFIGY JuJu OF ME AND REASSuRED ME THAT GETTING MY MEASuREMENTS WASN’T A TRAP. I SQuARED uP TO FIGHT AND HE JuST TAPPED MY HEAD AND TOLD ME TO LET THOSE GuNS DOWN.

I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT SAWBuCK WAS TO ME, HE WAS JuST? KINDA THERE. TuBBY, NICE. EH. MATCHSTICKS TOO. FIRE’S COOL THO! I LIKED LOOKING AT THEM.

EGGS AND BISCuITS. MAN THOSE GuYS. THEY ANNOYED ME SO MuCH. BuT I GOT uSED TO THAT. BISCuITS KILLED ME, BuT I CAME BACK DuE TO BEIN A FRESH GOD TIER AT THE TIME. HE SMASHED ME WITH THE OVEN TO PROTECT HIMSELF AND EGGS WHEN I STARTED WHACKING THEM FOR COVERING ME WITH DOuBLES.

I GAINED SOME RESPECT FOR HIM AT THAT.

QuARTERS AND CANS! LOVE THOSE DuDES! CANS WAS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS. HE WASN’T AS BIG AS IN THE COMIC, BuT HE WAS PRETTY BIG. I COuLD SIT AND SLEEP ON HIS SHOuLDER WITHOuT MuCH ISSuE.

I ASKED CANS TO SHOW ME WHAT HE COuLD DO, HE PuNCHED ME INTO NEXT WEEK. I TIME-TRAVELED BACK, AND STuMBLED OVER TO HIM, HOLDING MY SIDES AND WENT. “YOu. I LIKE YOu.” THEN LAID ON THE GROuND uNTIL I COuLD BREATHE AGAIN.

I HAD A GAME OVER TIMELINE. I REMEMBERED FIGHTING JOHN AND HE WAS IN FOR BLOOD. MOST I CAN REMEMBER FROM IT HIS HIM SLAMMING MY FACE INTO MY TABLET AND TEARING MY CAPE uP.

GAMZEE CAME CRAWLING BACK, SAWED IN TWO. I IMMEDIATELY PANICKED. I CARED FOR HIM, IN A WAY. I WAS ALREADY IN SHOCK OVER JOHN AND THIS DIDN’T HELP. I SCRAMBLED TO TRY AND SAVE HIM. I PLOPPED TOWELS AROuND HIM, AND TOOK A SET OF NEEDLES FROM STITCH AND TRIED TO SEW HIM uP.

IT DIDN’T WORK, AS uSING THREAD TO SEW uP A MAN WOuLD. I HAD SLIPPED IN HIS BLOOD AND FELL DOWN, AND IT MIXED WEIRDLY WITH MY RED TEARS.

THEN I WOKE uP. RETCON? TIMELINE SPLIT? DREAM? I DIDN’T KNOW. I MARCHED RIGHT TO GAMZEE, AND SAW HIM. ALIVE. WHOLE. I HuGGED HIM AND HE ROCKED ME uNTIL I FELT BETTER.

I DON’T REMEMBER MuCH ELSE, SO THEN I WENT TO FIGHT YALDABAOTH. I. uH. LOST HORRIBLY.

THE FIGHT STARTED WITH ME WHACKING HIM WITH THE CROWBAR AND STEADILY CLIMBING HIM. HE LIGHT-BLASTED ME INTO THE WALL AND MY CROWBAR STuCK ITSELF RIGHT NEAR MY NECK. I GRABBED IT WHILE HOLDING ONTO THE WALL, TOOTH AND NAIL WITH MY CLAWS.

FuCKER BuRNED ME! IMPuLSIVELY, I THREW IT TO THE GROUND AND IT STuCK uP, POINTED. I HAD TO LET GO AND FALL. I THINK I COuLD FLY, BuT I DIDN’T. IT WAS LIKE FALLING IN A MOVIE. SLOW AND THEN ABRuPT.

I FELL ON THE CROWBAR, AND IT WENT ALL THE WAY THROuGH ME. IT WAS STuPID.

I HAD DIED AND IT WAS NOBODIES FAuLT BuT MY OWN. I WOKE uP WHO KNOWS WHERE AND ARADIA WAS THERE TO GREET ME. SO WAS A DIRK.

“MY” DIRK DIED IN GAME OVER. I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN. THIS ONE WAS NICER THO. WE GOT TOGETHER IN A BLACK/RED RELATIONSHIP, WHICH WAS MOSTLY ME JuST BEING WEIRD OVER CHERuB ROMANCE.

THINGS WERE NICE IN THE DREAMBuBBLES, ESPECIALLY WITH NO LORD ENGLISH. I NEVER SAW OF HIM.

I DON’T KNOW IF HE EXISTED AT ALL. I DIDN’T MIND THO. I WAS HAPPIER AS A GHOST.

I MET A KANAYA WHO FIXED MY CAPE, AND LAuGHED ABOuT TIME SHIT WITH A JOHN.

I MET KANKRIS WHO TAuGHT ME STuFF ABOuT BEIN A BETTER PERSON. SOME DID. SOME WERE ANNOYING.

DIRK AND I WERE HAPPY TOGETHER. GOING ON ADVENTuRES, HAVING FuN, NO MORE GAME. NO MORE WORRIES. NO MORE EVIL.

I WAS NEW. I WAS SINLESS. I WAS FORGIVEN. AND I WAS LOVED.

HEHEHE, THAT WENT ALL RAMBLY. THERE MAY BE SOME STuFF I FORGOT, BuT I HOPE I CAN TALK TO YOu ALL.

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shenanigans-academia · 5 years

Text

Sports Festival Arc

Okay so I’ve just decided to talk about each episode individually since so much happens in them and I have a lot of things to say that nobody cares about ANYWAY MOVING ON here you go!

Episode 14: That’s The Idea, Ochaco

•Can we talk about how Todoroki had the prettiest animation in the intro please???

•Aizawa shows up like I LIVED BITCH we love one grumpy crippled old man (reminds me of this English teacher I had who showed up to class after breaking 3 ribs and couldn’t laugh or move and was in visible pain while teaching, Professor Saunders if you ever see this please just take a day off my dude)

•Mido: “Mineta don’t you know how important the Sports Festival is?”

Mineta: “yes but I just don’t want to get MURDERED”

...you know what he has a point

•Jirou to Kami: “most people miss their chance and end up just staying sidekicks. You know what that’s probably what’ll happen to you. You’re kinda dumb” BRUH SHE DIDNT HAVE TO MURDER DENKI LIKE THAT

•Kirishima being so excited for the Sports Festival is so cute I’m gonna cry

•Ojirou and Hagakure are so fucking ADORABLE

•Uraraka getting all pumped up/ ragey and Mineta being ✖️Mineta✖️ and Tsuyu just straight up SMACKING HIM IMMEDIATELY I LOVE HER COLD BLOODED ASS

•“YOUNG MIDORIYA!!!...do you want to eat with me?” I LOVE DADMIGHT

•Todoroki eavesdropping on Uraraka and Iida talking about Mido/All Might: Secret Child Theories activated

Episode 15: Roaring Sports Festival

•SHINSOU SNARKY PURPLE BABY BOY

•TESTUTESTU!!! loving the other classes showing up like fuck y’all 1A bitchass nerds right now honestly

•Kiri stop thirsting for Bakugou when he’s being an ass we get it, you’re gay and love an angry Pomeranian also WHY ARE YOU JUST STRAIGHT UP JUMPING OFF A BUILDING BOI WHAT IS YOU DOIIINNNNGGGGG ROCKS CAN STILL B R E A K

•Todoroki you dramatic hoe I love you but just. Take a nap. “We’Re nOt hEre To MakE FriEnDs” bitch you soft, shut up

•I’m genuinely curious what exactly is Midnight’s quirk? She’s the “R rated Pro Hero” but like...what is it? Is she just Super Sexy? Is it the pheromone thing that makes people think she’s sexy/ feeling aroused? Like what is her power exactly?

•”I just wanna say...I’m gonna win” KACCHAN HONEY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

•Todoroki freezing EVERYTHING and being unimpressed by the giant robots sweetie you’re so extra

•Birth of Icy Hot Bastard nickname

•Mineta got fuckin MURKED MAN lmao at least he tried

•Mama Midoriya is Best Mom she worries so much

Episode 16: In Their Own Quirky Ways

•KIRI BREAKING THROUGH THE FUCKING ROBOT SCREAMING IM ALIVE HOLY FUCK (Also Testu bursting through too. Intro to the Hard Boi Twins)

•Lets go Sero and Tokoyami!!

•All Might’s little YES watching Mido using the robot part as a launcher for the explosion warms my heart he’s so proud of his boy

•MIDO vs. TODO vs. BAKU YES BITCH ITS THE BOYS

•”THIS JUST IN ERASURE HEAD IS A TERRIBLE TEACHER” “wait wHAT” I love 2 chaotic teachers

•Shiggy you’re gross please invest in some cortisone skin cream it majorly helps my eczema it can help you too sweetie

•”the 1st place winner is worth...10 MILLION” Everybody around Mido: Activate Instant Kill

Midoriya my boy rUN

Episode 17: Strategy, Strategy, Strategy

•”Wait, remind me of your quirks again. And your names” Bakugou I’m gonna kick your entitled ass square up babe

•Kiri we get it you want Bakugou to top you. Also I love how Bakugou’s just like let’s fucKIN GOOO SHITTY HAIR

•Iida I love your dramatic over-energetic ass so much

•”TEAM UP WITH ME PERSON IN FIRST PLACE”

“YOURE SO CLOSE TO ME WHO ARE YOU???” Hatsume please. Take a dozen chill pills

•Ah. There he is. Monoma. Rat Boi 3000. Let’s go babey

•MY FAVORITE BIRD BOYS YAMI AND DARK SHADOW COMIN IN CLUTCH

•Ah. Cue the Daddy Drama

•This game is just Kill Midoriya, huh

•Monoma is a pro monologuer and honestly? I respect that. But then again it doesn’t take much to get Bakugou riled up

Episode 18: Cavalry Battle Finale

•Shouji is a SCARY BADASS and deserves more acknowledgement

•no matter your opinion on him, Monoma is an interesting character and has a REALLY COOL QUIRK

•Endeavor? Just. Shut up

•Bakugou- I am powered by rage and nothing else

•”Has anyone seen Deku?”

Todoroki: tragic backstory time

Episode 19: The Boy Born With Everything

•Yo FUCK Endeavor lives, man

•Mido ”so why did you bring me here”

Todo ”...soooo THIS IS THE STORY ALL ABOUT WHY I’m depressed/ also are you All Might’s secret love child or something?”

•Okay but All Might asking Endeavor on how to raise a powerful child I’m cackling. But the more Enji talks, the more All Might’s just like “what the fuck are you doing to your kid??”

•Todoroki’s whole monologue is literally just him over sharing and rambling about his trauma I love it

•Bakugou why you being such a creep boo

•”He’s like a comic book character” BITCH YOU ARE TOO YOU’RE ALL LITERALLY SUPERHERO TEENAGERS JFC

•Midoriya telling his friends/rivals “I’m gonna beat you” is basically just his equivalent of “I have a crush on you” change my mind

•Kaminari. I’m disappointed in you. I expected the uniforms from Mineta but come on dude

•Ojirou is so PURE long live Tail Boi he is also too under appreciated and he is just. So good

•KIRISHIMA CRYING OVER MANLY MEN I LOVE HIM

•Kendo is best girl Class 1B

•”Uraraka? Who the hells that?” Bakugou don’t be fuKING RUDE

•SHINSOUSHINSOUSHINSOUSHINSOUUUUU

•Midoriya what did Ojirou fucking TELL YOU

EPISODE 20: Victory or Defeat

•Dadzawa activated, time to adopt a Sleepy Boy into the Hero Course

•Complete BAMF Midoriya has been UNLOCKED PEOPLE

•Poor Shinsou when he goes “im used to people thinking I’m a bad guy” I just couldn’t NOT think of Billie Eilish IM SORRY now I have Bad Guy stuck in my head YOU DID SO GOOD BABY IM PROUD OF YOU

•”Spooky IM A GHOST???” God I love All Might

•”Stop rebelling Shouto”

“It’s NoT a PhaSe DaD”

•Todoroki did you have to go so HARD BRUH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DEPRESSED SHOW OFF

Episode 21: Battle On, Challengers!

•Lmao get wrecked Denki

•Mama Kendo to the rescue come get yo kids

•Everyone at Mido, Please. Shut the fuck up and stop being CREEPY

•Midnight. Please stop lusting over your students it’s gross

•Hatsume played Iida like a fiddle and I’m crying baby boy tried so hard

•WE RESPECT OUR ALIEN QUEEN MINA ASHIDO

•Poor Momo

•KIRI vs. TESTU I LOVE HARD BOI TWINS

•Bakubabe you’re so UGLY I can’t why is your face like that

Episode 22: Bakugou VS. Uraraka

•”Pink Cheeks” Bakugou just learn your classmates names it’s not that hard

•Ochaco is so fucking STRONG

•”like I always suspected. Bakugou’s a total sadist” sometimes Mineta is just. Accurate.

•Can we please talk about how Aizawa was just like “The FUCK are y’all talking about Bakugou is doing what he’s supposed to do in these games it doesn’t matter if his opponents a girl or not y’all are DUMB” like THANK YOU AIZAWA

•Mic has no chill I miss him real talk we don’t get enough Present Mic

•”You’re wrong Kacchan” YOU TELL HIM MIDO

•Bakubitch may be a little much sometimes and I get why a lot of people don’t like him but he does understand his classmates ARE also strong and powerful and you know he respects them in his own weird way even though he’ll never admit it

•KIRI WINS THE ARM WRESTLING MATCH THATS MY FAVORITE BOY

•We love supportive parents (Ochaco’s parents. Fuck Endeavor. Just leave these kids aloonnneeeee you asshat)

•MIDO vs. TODO LETS GO BOYYSSS

•”I’m not worried about a couple of kids” you’re clearly not worried about your crusty skin either Shiggy learn some priorities

Episode 23: Shoto Todoroki: Origin

•IT’S SHOUTO TIME YALL

•All that power in one little fucking finger what the FUCK Mido also PLEASE STOP BREAKING YOUR BONES “I’ve only got 6 more chances” well there go your fucking hands my dude

•Aaaaand there goes your arm

•”You haven’t been able to put a single scratch on me yet, Todoroki” you’re doing a pretty good job of that by yourself Midoriya

•Baby Shouto kills me every time IM GONNA FIGHT ENDEAVOR

•IT’S YOURS. YOUR QUIRK NOT HIS. ITS YOUR POWER T O D O R O K I

•SHOUTOOOOOO

•Shouji grabbing Mineta by the leg so that he doesn’t fly away oh my god

•Endeavor and All Might come get y’all kids

•Midoriya’s fuckin dead rest in fucking pieces you masochist

Episode 24: Fight On, Iida

•Okay but why is Endeavor such a fucking Brick House holy fuck absolute unit of pure shit

•”In his first match he looked so sad. I was trying to figure out why...” it’s because you have a crush Mido

•And the first of many scars appears

•Recovery Girl is right and she should say it

•All Might said Quirkless Rights send tweet

•AHH TENSEI NOOOOO

•Highkey completely forgot about Stain OH WAIT THAT MEANS THE INTERNSHIPS ARE NEXT I really forgot the whole timeline wow

•Explosion Boy vs. Shitty Hair I love competitive boyfriends but Jesus Bakugou

•Testu cheering for his new friend tho? That’s the content I love to see

•Legacy Children Battle (Iida vs. Todoroki)

•”I didn’t know he couldn’t kick like that” he is ALL LEGS that’s literally his quirk Denki what do you mean

•Anybody fighting Todoroki: time to drag a Sad Bitch

•TENSEEIIIIIIII

•Bruh why did Iida tense up like that was your phone up your ass dude???

•Yo Stain is ugly as fuck

Episode 25: Todoroki VS. Bakugou

•Lmao Midoriya literally triggered Todoroki into using his Left Side

•And Todoroki triggered Bakugou by asking about his past friendship with Midoriya these boys are a MESS

•oh look it’s a Fucking Fire Gremlin

•BOOM BOOM BITCH THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME HALF AND HALF BASTARD

•oh my GOD Endeavor shut UUPPPP

•Everyone listening to Bakugou go off at Todoroki: ...please seek some therapy

•SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND MIDO TO THE RESCUE

•The first time I saw this I highkey thought Bakugou actually killed Todoroki.

•Bakugou going feral for winning I can’t he literally looks like a trapped wolf

•We respect Tokoyami in this house

•About Bakugou ”Look at that face” I’d really rather not

•I’m sorry but Mineta sitting on Shouji’s shoulders is actually adorable

•Iida running through the hospital to his brother: It’s Loss

•I love the Iida Brothers so. Fucking. MUCH

•Shouto I’m so proud of you sweetheart

•Honestly I need more family stuff they’re all so interesting in their own ways and it’s a nice reminder that yes these are just kids and they have lives outside of hero school

SO that wraps up the Sports Festival Arc! I’m going to do the second half of Season 2/ The Internship Arc/ Final Exams all in one post so get ready for another long one ✌🏽

#mha rewatch #part 3 #mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #sports festival arc #i love these kids so damn much #but ngl im PUMPED to see the summer training camp again #now for the rest of season 2 #literally no one is asking for these posts im just bored and home alone for a week so TIME FOR A REWATCH #ignore if you want #this is more for myself than anything else #also if anybody wants to talk about the show...im always open to friends #long post #if anyone knows how to make one of those ‘read more’ cut things id apprecoate it sonce these are crazy long #spoilers

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shikuchi-blog1 · 7 years

Photo

oh boy i havent done one of these in a WHILE ! time to ramble & hope for the best.

blah blah hey its ya boi andy here with a whole bias list !!! DANG !! okay so like ??? im surprised that i hit 100 already honestly !! i admit, i'm used to hitting that Hundred(tm) mark pretty quick as i'm usually in bigger communities but in one that's as small as go.rillaz & with a character thats so common ?? i'm shook ! noodl.e has been one of my most productive & strongest muses yet. i'm surprised that ive been so on top of things lately when i've been busy with school & my usual muses die down within two to three weeks. but we're just about to hit that 1 month mark and she's still kicking which is absolutely fantastic. i've had a blast with the friends i joined this community with & with the people i've spoken to along the way. now that we're talking about them , let's start the part everybody actually cares about !!

M'HOMBOS . SHORT / people ive been talking to often OOC & who i consider friends ! check the bottom for the sappy shit because i RAMBLED abt these 4.

@bassled / @fractzure / @igninecari / @twodented

HEART EYES . / ppl i've spoken to / thread with but i want to get to know better ! ( aka hmu whenever u want bleas ,,,, )

im also throwing m'boos in here that i didnt talk abt bc we dont interact as much on this blog or some other reasons

@nuorii / @reallyblah / @blackfiire / @russeld / @kaboooms / @wondcrkid / @appxssionato / @airfcil / @riffrcffed / @solhearts / @iimpious

EYES EMOJI x 100 . / people who i've hardly spoken to if at all but would like to eventually interact with more !

@leggystu / @bubberu / @littlebadger / @crackerpaula / @starwished / @endangcred / @cinderella-esque / @wargod / @teenghcst / @halfpact / @tankbitch / @dirvnitas / @gangguro / @kitanosuzume / @toriiel / @scaramouchc / @candieds

M'HOMBOS . LONG / under the cut because i wanna RAMBLE.

@bassled .

I LOVE REN SM. she's literally my best friend i've known her for about 6-7 years & she's absolutely fantastic ok this entire fuckin bias list could be just her but im gonna try not to write an essay on how much i love her. she's been there for me for so long & the fact that she isnt tired of my petty ass yet deserves a damn award. i admire her a lot. this dude goes through so much shit irl and i'm amazed that she's still doing as well as she is, even if she doesnt realize it. if i was in her position i wouldn't even be writing let alone doing everything that she does. & boy her m.urdoc ?? is so good ?? i love him sm and its not me being biased BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY her muds is so fuckin good. ren isnt the most active, sure, but whenever she is i always stop to read her posts because i just !!!! love her sm !!!! she makes murd.oc realistic & makes him more human. she doesnt just focus on him being abusive or an asshole or gross but she definitely doesn't dismiss it either. she's so good at analyzing every little movement he does and turning it into something more and i just !!!! if i keep going this gonna go on for years just know that i love ren a lot :^}

@fractzure .

squidy's ugly ok moving on

JK FJKH no but actually !! ive known squidy for a hot minute too. we've been friends for a good few years now ( met on a .... fucgkign minec.raft server................. ) and i love them sm !!! every call that we have inevitably turns into a shitfest where we're wheezing our asses off. i may get on their ass every second & try to roast them for every little thing but its mostly because i just love their reactions and i love talking to them in general ??? and im petty but we're not talking abt that rn LMAO. but yea squidys such a fun person to hang out with & i appreciate talking to them lots !! and even though theyre not the most active either, i love what they have of their 2.D so far and i cant wait to see more of him once summer starts because i really like squidy's writing and im suuuper excited for that. also theyre making a russ.el probably and im.... so gay...... our thread rn is cute af and we gotta talk more abt them Um Squidy Hmu Bit.

on a final note; Ooga My Booga Is A Social Construct.

@igninecari .

i love !!! bones !!!! i havent known them for long, only a few months maybe, but talking to them every day has been a blast and our convos are usually filled with Chaotic Plotting and us talking over each other and its just. Gr8. we originally met on our a.va's dem.on blogs and i remember loving her m.aggie so fuckin much dude everything she said abt her was so !!! dang !!! good !!!! and even now with her emb.er & her ecla.ir i can see how much care & thought she puts into all of her muses. dude even thinks into their family and develops those characters which makes everything SO MUCH MORE REALISTIC. her writing is a joy to read also ?? its so pretty i love how she describes everything and i love all of the little references she sticks into her descriptions that fit her characters perfectly. im glad i dragged them into g.orillaz hell w/ me because we've got such a good thing going on w/ em & noods it makes me so happy !! also callout for bones WE GOTTA THREAD SMTH ASAP OR IM SPAMMING ASKS

@twodented .

KIT IS AN ANGEL. i've only actually spoken her for maybe ??? two ?? three weeks ??? but we hit it off super quick and shes such a nice & supportive person ! i believe we first followed each other on our a.vas d.emon blogs but, seeing as we were both the same character, we never really approached each other 'til joining g.orillaz. i am so glad we actually started talking bc BOI !!!! I LOVE HER !!! she's so fun to talk to & to plot with. we'll just throw lil concepts at each other every once in a while and its Gr8. and !! her 2.d is so fuckin spot on let me tell u she's one of the ppl that, when i see her on the dash, i stop and read her writing even if it isnt for me because im so gay for her writing style. its so descriptive and eloquent and i love the way she formats ! i feel like she does his dialogue perfectly every time because its never been hard to understand for me but it still reads in his voice in my head which is (ok emoji x20). her hcs are a joy to read & i just !!! dont get me started on what we've talked about for 2.d and noodle im SO FUCKIN HEART-EYES FOR REALLY CLOSE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS AND THEY GOT ME SO EXCITED TO REPLY TO EVERYTHING ?????? PLATONIC 2N.U IS MY SHIT. tl;dr i love kit & i love kits 2.d sm,,,,,

#( misc . ooc )#bias list for ts #follower count for ts #:^3c

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polyamradiotranscripts · 6 years

Text

Ep.4 Polysaturation

polyAM Radio Episode Four-Polysaturation

[Begin Transcript]

[Sophie]: Hello everybody and welcome to polyam radio the best show on the internet about polyamory that weird relationship thing you do with lots of other people

["Crazy little thing called love" by Queen plays]

[Sophie]: Hello everybody and welcome my name is Sophie Last-name-redacted

[Mara]: and I'm Mara Fake-last-name

[Sophie]: you are listening to polyAM radio which you already know because the intro just played

[Mara]: [laughs] just to remind you real quick about pronouns this is Mara's voice I use they them their pronouns

[Sophie]: this is Sophie I use she hers, Mara

[Mara]: yeah Sophie what's your problem

[Sophie]: wow, okay

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: umm soo, uh yeah I got a problem though

[Mara]: whats your problem Sophie

[Sophie]: I got, ya know, the holidays are comin up

[Mara]: oh I know

[Sophie]: and uh ya know candlenights is great uh for those mbmbam beanos who celebrate it but uh I got a problem with presants

[Mara]: mmm, mhmm

[Sophie]: I got too many partners Mara, I got too many presants to buy for too many partners

[Mara]: I haven't even started yet Sophie

[Sophie]: oh god, see I'm making some of the gifts for some of my partners soo

[Mara]: and you're only starting now

[Sophie]: no no I already have started well I've started some of them now I've started one

[Mara]: Sophie there's only thirty four days 'till christmas

[Sophie]: oh god

[Mara]: thankfully candlenights is whenever you want it to be

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: [laughs] I guess uhh ya know I uh I recently was talking online to some people about people that start their podcasts by doing skits and I'm not a huge fan of it just cause it feels really fake but umm ya know whereas we just normally just kinda pick a topic and go from there but I gotta say that I definitely see the appeal of avoiding a long awkward silence like that

[Mara]: yeah uh-huh having something scripted would really help with that instead of just pulling something out of our asses just now

[Sophie]: yeah that was supposed to be a long and entertaing bit about how hard it is to get christmas presants and stuff like that when you have so many partners and ya know whatnot uhh but

[Mara]: but we suck

[Sophie]: yeah we're not that good at this yet, I got to say I do want to say one thing I guess umm it's starting to feel real for me this podcast uhh I was on ya know I download the podcast and I listen to it actually the same as y'all are listening to it umm

[Mara]: I don't know how you can listen to yourself

[Sophie]: I acutally really

[Mara]: I hate it [laughs]

[Sophie]: I actually really enjoy it because I feel like it makes me better uhh because I can ya know if I listen to it a few times or whatever I can be really critical of myself and say okay these are things I need to do better

[Mara]: I don't know how yall are listening to my nasally Wisconsin accent Im sorry

[Sophie]: oh my gosh

[Mara]: oh my gosh

[Sophie]: oh my gosh

[Mara]: that can't be real plesant so props to you for listening I guess

[Sophie]: yeah but so I do listen to it and ummm ya know I was listening to some of the previous episodes and whatnot umm I was listening to some of the previous episodes and ya know it's starting to feel real like there's enough ya know episodes now that I have to scroll through my ya know in the podcast app on apple and uhh on like spreaker where we host it there's like three episodes now and we're recording the fourth and it's starting to feel like we actually got something here

[Mara]: it's pretty cool

[Sophie]: yeah like this isn't just something like ohh we're going to start and it's not going to take off and everything it feels real and kinda good

[Mara]: yeah yeah

[Sophie]: I'm really happy with how this project has turned out I hope you all are umm we actually our next episode is gonna be a little weird uh it's gonna be uh what did you call it Mara

[Mara]: happy poly day

[Sophie]: happy poly days yeah and it's basically gonna be about all the holiday struggles uh taht people have when they're poly and stuff like that so everything from uh what gifts to get for what partners and how to afford all of them to

[Mara]: families

[Sophie]: yeah families and this person is a really big part of my life and how do I introduce them as my roomate or something like that

[Mara]: or do I introduce them to my family too

[Sophie]: yeah I gotta say I am there's this couple I'm dating right now umm who are some of the most fantastic people in the world uhh and one of whom transcribes the show and is blushing hardcore right now as she hears this but umm they're just they're they haven't been in my life for all that long umm but they're really important to me and it's actually difficult kinda going into the holiday season like I wish that umm ya know I could introduce them to my family and everything and be like ya know both of them to my family and be like hey uh ya know these are some people that are really important in my life and I wish that with all my partners but I'm feeling that really hard with two people in particular right it's it's just kinda hitting me close to home umm not to say that I don't feel that way about the rest of my partners of course I don't wanna set up some weird dichotomy or whatever umm

[Mara]: if you have any uhh holiday struggles feel free to send those in to use

[Sophie]: oh got yess that would be marvelous

[Mara]: so it's not just us talking because we're two people and we have not experienced everything there is to experience in the world so tell us your poly-days struggles

[Sophie]: yeah especially about like coming out to your family as poly and stuff like that

[Mara]: cause neither of us have done that

[Sophie]: yeah neither of us have done that uhh we just have kinda chosen not too uhh our family's are on the conservative side and are barely okay with me being trans uhh like so

[Mara]: yeah we'll just leave that for now

[Sophie]: yeah they're like barely okay with a binary trans girl never the less a uh an enby so

[Mara]: which they don't even know about

[Sophie]: yeah so the fact that ya know we just kinda choose not to go there cause we don't want it to get ugly at ya know christmas and for the rest of our years be the ones who ruined the christmas of seventeen or whatever

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: so we're just we're not dealing with it and that's our choice and it's valid and if that's your choice then it's valid too but if you have funny stories or uhh lots of experience and stuff like that it would be really cool to hear from you you can tweet at us you've got two hundred and eighty characters now so what more could you need it's @PolyAM_Radio with an underscore in there capital 'p' 'am' and 'r' or you could send us an email at polyamradio all lowercase all one word at gmail dot com uhh you've actually got that information on the cover art of your umm of this podcast now I put it on there when I updated it so it's pretty cool stuff

[Mara]: you should also check out our facebook page if you're not on those other websites as well

[Sophie]: we're gonna plug all the stuff again at the end of the episode so there's that to look forward to

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: umm but so like I said at the begining of the episode and our ya know umm and I I guess what probably should have been a skit but kinda wasn't umm

[Mara]: that's just awkardly rambling

[Sophie]: ya know I'm having some problems with gift giving lately and uhh we actually got an email from someone who has a bit of a problem giving a gift of their own vis a vis love uhh ya know mentioned in a previous episode love is like a gift and you can keep giving it as long as you have resources to give those gifts and everthing kind of spoons and money and everthing and they actually emailed uh this person and with a really heartfelt and beautiful email I thought and uhh well why don't you read it Mara cause it was so moving we wanted to do an entire episode devoted to the topic with it

[Mara]: and I'm so so excited send us emails I think this is real real cool

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely we've gotten ya know this is only the third email we've ever gotten so this is real real exciting for us

[Mara]: Sophie and Mara let me first just say that I am so excited about PolyAM_Radio I've recently been exploring myself as a polyamours individual and it's scary at times listening to your show eases the fear and helps me to know what is healthy and valid this being said I need some advice ever since discovering that monogamy is not for me I have been falling in love with what seems to be everyone I know I can't give everone christmas gifts but gee it sure is hard to decide who I want to give my gifts to and how many I understand the answer varies from person to person and I already have a pretty busy life however I was wondering if you could tell me a general number that seems to work for you and others you know how many partner is too many how can I make sure that if I have multiple partners they're all getting the love and attention they deserve, enamored in Eagleton

[Sophie]: I'm gonna go and, wel they're probably too old now because the Matrix is an old movie but I'm gonna go find the bald white child umm from the Matrix the I think the second movie that was that

[Mara]: there is no spoon

[Sophie]: yeah there is no number

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: there is no right number which makes this kind of a hard question to answer because I can't just be like six, or whatever umm

[Mara]: holy shit yeah there are probably people out there with six partner but for me oooh

[Sophie]: I uh I did the math I actually have six partner right now

[Mara]: oh my god you're nuts

[Sophie]: yeah so we're going to get into the number in just a minute here but uh we just want to mention a few things first like I said the reference to giving a gift and everthing uh giving everyone christmas gifts it's a refernce to a previous episode we talked about love is not a pie that you slice up love is a gift and you can give anyone a gift and people are just thankfull for the gifts that they get they're not like ooh I didn't get as many as them or whatever and that's important if you don't understand that what the fuck are you doing you're listning to the episodes in the wront order smack uhh I also wanted to uh there is no wrong number so I guess ya know I'll kinda edit out the five minutes you need to do the math on your fingers but how many partner do you have right now

[Mara]: I can confidently say I have three partners uhh four if you count some more causal comittments that I have that I haven't necceicarily moved forward with I have a couple of comets in my life so this be people who I don't see all that often but when I do it's great it's fun it's really nice so I think I will I'm I'm like ninety five percent certain taht I'm not leaving anybody out when I say I have three partners that I'm pretty comitted to right now

[Sophie]: yeah I umm right now I have uhh I would say four very comitted partners and then I have uhh like at least two if not three kind of comets like we talk about people who are kind of just on your peripherary it's not a super comitted thing it's not a super hardcore thing but when they're around you have a lot of fun and uhh ya know it's it's a really cool thing and that doesn't mean that the relationship is worth less or anything like that but if we're just doing like total numbers of partners I do have six or seven partners right now that's not including like people that I would just have casual sex with or whatever all though I don't really think there's anybody I have casual sex with right now ya know that's not including play partners or anything like that, that's like partners partners

[Mara]: for sure uhh and the most amount of partners I've ever had at a time has been five, five, and that was way too many for me umm that was way too many for me unfortunately it didn't end very well I was I wasn't giving people the amount of attention they deserved and I ended up going to partners and kinda saying hey I'm really sorry I got kinda swept up in this new relationship energy or I've just been so busy with other things that I haven't been able to give you the attention you deserve and I'm sorry, most of them are pretty understanding ya know they appriciated me coming to them and saying hey I'm really polysaturated and I'm trying to work on this but I need to just kind of ya know take a second and re-address some of these comittments that I've made so that it's fair and that I'm giving you the attention that I can and the attention that you want from me

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely I umm right now this is actually the most number of partn- ya know the greatest number of partners that I've ever had that having been said it doesn't feel like that right now because there was a time about a year ago I think or maybe a little less where, man, that really felt like I was just uh I mean I felt like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag I mean I was just ripping at the seams uhh just with ya know how much and and how many uhh ya know partners I had and and how stretched thin I was to make sure everybody got time and eventually I kind of ya know grew into it and everything and ended up aquiring some more ya know some people come or some people became a little more tangential in my life some people ya know left some people came in umm so I don't wanna make it seem like I'm streched super thin right now because I don't presonally feel that way I don't necceicarily think I'd want to go adding another five or six right now ya know that seems like a lot uhh but ya know I I'm not at what I would call critical mass right now which is a good place to not be umm there's actually a word though for that feeling like you're just gonna burst at the seams like you're being pulled in a million different directions at once and that's called polysaturation umm and so we got this email about it like I said and uh we thought that polysaturation was important enough that we wanted to do a whole episode on it so tell me a little bit about polysaturation Mara

[Mara]: yeah uhh so it's kinda like you said when it when it's that feeling of being stretched too thin it's ya know you don't feel like you're getting the quality time that you want with your partners and you feel like they're not getting the quality time they deserve umm and I think the hardest thing about this is at different points in my life I'm a student right now I've mentioned that before I'm a student and I work and I'm getting ready to apply to grad school which is a big scary thing so the amount of time that I have during different times of the year vary and the summer I have a lot more time as opposed to like ya know right up against finals like we are right now it just it varies so I know that at different points in my life like ya know it's there are times where there's too many and right now the number that I'm at I'm super comfy ya know I know that even if I do get really busy even if I do have that time crunch I'm gonna be able to give the time and attention to my partners that they deserve uhh but it is a problem and it is something that I've dealt with before like I was talking about earlier when I was polysaturated ya know it it took a toll on a couple of my relationships and it was it was a really crappy feeling coming to my partners and saying hey I've been kind of neglecting you and I'm sorry that was something that's really really hard but ya know being able to talk to those partners really helped me to make sure that they were getting the attention that they deserved because if you don't talk to your partners you don't know what they need ya know it it's one of those talk to your partner moments

[Sophie]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out]

[Mara]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out] exactly it's ya know it it's really important to be on the same page as all of your partners and I think that's the best answer I have to your question how can you make sure that all of your partners are getting the love and attention that they deserve, talk to your partners know the level of comittment that they want know the level of comittment you want and then try to structure your relationships around that ya know I think umm unfortunately there's not a good way to know when when you hit peak partners until you're sitting there and you're like well fuck ya know just a trial and error ohh no I've done it again [laughs]

[Sophie]: well and I think part of the problem ya know there's not really ever in your life gonna be a rule as far as ya know oh well this is how many partners I can have because part of it a lot of it has to do in my experience with how many or or pardon me not how many partners uhh you have but with kind of who the partners are and how much attention they require and how much ya know how often they kinda wanna see you and are able to see you ya know uhh I date primarialy other students and what not or people who have been students uhh just that's who I'm dating right now and ya know I gotta say they're pretty understanding for the most part of my time and when I don't have much but ya know a lot of times I mean I see Mara every day because we live together ya know we're nesting partners we wake up next to each other umm ya know frankly if it wasn't Mara if it was someone else this would be a nightmare frankly but Mara's just special and wonderful ya know I'm able to do it, there are other partners I have where I'll go days without talking to them and that's fine, that's not a problem, uhh especially the long distance ones or whatever and then there are sometimes where we'll talk for hours and hours in a day ya know you kinda block your time like that ya know but even just this weekend I was studying for a huge exam that was monday night and I didn't really see you almost all weekend and especially the day of the exam monday I mean it was an evening exam so I basically like you came and saw me in the library at one point but ya know I just didn't have time and that's okay that's not a bad thing so ya know my partners for the most part understand where I'm coming from and where I'm at so I can have more because they're so understaning and because they're usually by in large or at least lately they're usually pretty low maintainence umm people that need more from you that require more from you that is absolutely fine that does not make them bad or toxic but you will be able to have less which again is fine more isn't better but ya know they're going to require more time and more energy and more spoons and more everything from you so that's going to affect your number too umm Mara even said it it also differs ya know the time of year over the summer and over the winter man I can have a million fuckin partners I'd be soo like ya know I'm just swimming in time and then the second the semester starts up again I'm in hell

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: I'm in absolute hell and ya know I've had problems with that before ya know with getting in too deep during some of the off months and then going ohh tits

[Sophie]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: this wasn't I don't know why I thought this was sustainible but it is not and hindsight is great but now I have this cool thing that I don't want to end how do I resolve that

[Mara]: well and unfortunately in my experience a lot of it is just it's trial and error it's umm to thine own self be true a little bit know what you're capable of know what you want poly is polyam excuse me is a lot of work truly I think a lot of people look at polyamory like it's the the lazy I wanna avoid comittment thing to do but truly you are actively choosing and actively pursuing comittments with so many other people and so you're sitting there and you need to think about things a lot harder than you do in uhh at least I feel you have to think about things a lot harder than you do in monogamous relationships you need to have a lot of self refelction and that's hard and you're gonna make mistakes and they're gonna suck, making mistakes sucks, in my experience as, speaking as somebody who's made more than their share of mistakes, mistakes suck and they hurt and it might cause break ups to happen and that's not fun and we can probably do a whole episode on polyamorous break ups, but

[Sophie]: damn that's ac- that would be really good I don't have that, I have a list on my phone of episodes that I want to do and that's not on there and that would be really good actually that would be really good

[Mara]: yeah I feel like we could do just, we could talk into your ears for another full forty mintues or however long we tend to go about what breaking up when polyamorous is like

[Sophie]: well especially because recently and ya know it's still pretty fresh it still hurts a lot umm the truth of the matter is a few months ago we had a nesting partner leave us and it wasn't pretty, it was someone who we had comitted to heavily and who we kind of thought was always gonna be in our lives and umm ya know we gave them a comittment symbol and they literally in the they threw it out ya know and umm ya know it was it was hard on everybody and I'm not gonna sit here and slander anybody but uhh ya know that is kinda something we went through

[Mara]: yeah there there was a lot going on there to be sure but umm so anyways yeah no like know yourself talk to your partner and also this is the best the single best piece of advice I have ever been given by someone else who is polyamour it was actually uhh one of my current partners you have to treat yourself like you are dating yourself, you need to know when you need you time you need to know when you need to be maybe with this one partner maybe not spending so much time with this other partner and you need to be with other people who are good communitaters it's it's really important to surround yourself with with people who aren't toxic for you and and someone being toxic doesn't necceicarily mean that they're a bad person it just means that they're not the right person for you and so you need to be aware of that but I guess my best piece of advice is as you meet people you can add relationships I don't think I know anybody who ya know discovers that they are a polyamorous individual and then goes out in one day and comes back with five relationships that's not in my experience how relationships work and it might be for some people but I think often times it's this process of getting to know people

[Sophie]: [Mara]: [singing] geting to know you, getting to know all about you

[Sophie]: can you tell I don't know the song very well

[Mara]: [laugh] umm can you tell that I was a theatere kid in high school, probably um but you ya know you get to know people you get to know their relational style because everyone has different relationship sytles everybody has different umm I know there are people out there who don't think that the love languages exist or are a smart thing or whatever I personally like that I think it's a useful of explaining the way that people give and show love ya know and I umm I'm very much a quality time person, I I wanna spend time with people but if you know you're a quality time person and you are with somebody who is a words of affirmation person you need to learn how to relate to them or maybe that doesn't work for you and that's okay you just need to know that , so ya know know yourself as hard as that is to do uhh spend some time dating yourself getting to know what you want and what's important to you in a relationship

[Sophie]: yeah and I think that's really good advice uhh ya know and again I try to ya know this is a show by polyamorous people for polyamours people but I always hope there are things in here that anyone can take away that monogamous people can take away, that aromantic people can take away, umm ya know uhh and I think that really whenever you're in a realtionship ever you should always say yes I'm dating this person but I'm also dating myself or I'm not dating anyone but I'm also dating myself because you have to put time and energy and active thought into a relationship and you should treat yourself with time and energy and active thought you should be treating yourself well so I gotta ask ya know after all this uhh is this, how real is this problem, how serious is this and how serious should we be taking it uhh ya know is this something like new relationship energy where it's kinda a minor problem and it can make you do some foolish things and it can get you into a little bit of troube but it's not that serious as long as you know it's there and look out for it, is this something that it can really start to impeade your life if you don't pay attention to it or is this something that in your opinion doesn't realy cause a lot of problems

[Mara]: I think it's something that can really really mess with your life and it in any relationship ya know monogamous or friendship or whatever if you're neglecting somebody if you're not spending time with somebody you're just kinda like oh yeah yeah we're in a relationship but I don't have to spend time with you right I don't have to talk to you or give you any attention that's that's bad, that's bad for your partners that's bad for you and I think it is, it's a real problem I think ya know before it escalates to it it absolutely is ya know kinda like new relationship energy and being aware and wow I'm being a dumbass right now and I need to check myself before wreck myself kinda thing

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely I think that it's a lot like being stressed out or having a panic attack, it doesn't necceicarily it ya know it doesn't neccecitate that there is something wrong things could be fine there might not be a problem but even if there's not whatever the situation is you're not handling it and a change needs to be made even just for your health and well being even if you're not currently neglecting your partners you are stressed out about this and doing something different would probably be good that doesn't neccecarily mean ending the relationships but probably at this point certainly not starting any new ones right I mean

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: if you're feeling polysaturated the best thing to do is give yourself some times say okay I'm not gonna date anybody new and if you meet somebody amazing and if you fall in love and if it's perfect and if and if and if tell them hey listen I just ya know I really like you but I just got into this new relationship and it's taking a lot of my time and energy and I want to be with you but we gotta put it on hold because I just need some time to adjust to this new thing and figure out where it's going and what's gonna happen ya know versus just ya know devil may care jumping into a new thing I think that's really foolish personally umm, is there a kinda of a a solution a cure-all a ya know cure-all cure nothing as they always say in sawbones but umm,

[Mara]: you're such a dork

[Sophie]: [laughs] I'm a McElroy fangirl I can't help it

[Mara]: ya know what it's okay because when we were talking about ya know if theres a rule as to how many people I almost said ya know it's not like a rule of two kind of thing

[Sophie]: [yells] yes! you don't even like star wars

[Mara]: no I'm just around it all the god damn time

[Sophie]: yes

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: Mara isn't even in to star wars, they've just absorbed enough about the Banite Sith to know that the rule of two is like a really big deal from me reading the novels if you haven't read them go out and read Drew Kapershick's Darth Bane trilogy path of desctruction, rule of two, dynasty of evil it's amazing and then read Darth Plageius by James Lucino, holy crap mind blowing books, really really well written umm and if you like star wars at all you'll love these books the audio books on audible are amazing, they're not paying me to say that I'm just a fan

[Mara]: you're trash

[Sophie]: I'm trash

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: I'm absolute trash

[Mara]: is is there a solution,commuunniicattee [drawn out]

[Sophie]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out]

[Mara]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out] yeah no talk to your partners know yourself, refelct [laughs] ya know uh think before you snack, act

[Sophie]: think before you snak

[Mara]: it's from mulan when she's got the umm caligraphy on her arm and shes

[Sophie]: ohhh

[Mara]: reciting the final admonition I'm also a huge Disney nerd umm but yeah ya know think think before your snack, act

[Sophie]: [coughs]

[Mara]: yeah no it's kinda we we've covered the solution a couple of times throughout the podcast, know yourself, know your partners, just spend some time thinking about what you need to do

[Sophie]: yeah and and I think that ya know I would say if I had to give a solution mine would probably be treat it like stress because that's really what it is it's just stress about the relationships and about being streched to thin and generally speaking when I feel stressed I often feel like I don't have enough time for anything and that's really really really bad because the soulution to that is to take more time to do things and to move very deliberately through your life

[Mara]: mhmmm

[Sophie]: umm take more time to do basic self care I'm not talking about giving yourself a fun ya know a bath with rose petals in there I'm talking about showering with a fucking uhh pumice stone and scraping three weeks of dead skin off your arms I'm talking about eating at all, I'm talking about drinking water, enough of it, you need to take more time to do these things when you're stressed, not less, you need to take more time to study if you're stressed about school than when you're not stressed and it often feels like you don't have any time and you can't do these things, that is your brain lying to you because it thinks you're being chased by a tiger and that you're going to die, my grandfather had a saying uhh that he he was a cartoonist and he used to write this saying on everything umm and ya know I think he had a really interesting perspective because he was I'm not big on the military I'm not big on imperialism and and and stuff like that but he was in the military uhh he was in the Korean conflict and umm [laughs] actually in his old age he used to say that he didn't wanna go on walks because he walked across Korea and that was enough for anybody, regardless he had a saying that the way to relieve yourself of a burden is not by refusing to carry it

[Mara]: mhmm

[Sophie]: the best way to relieve yourself of a burden is not by refuling to carry is the way to relieve yourself of this stress with this relationship is not by refusing to carry it and it's not by just saying oh well I'll give my partners more time and I'll spend more time and I'll go on more dates, no, the way to relieve yourself of it is to do the uncomfortable thing talk to your partners and then sink more time into yourself because chances are if you're feeling polysaturated the one who's not getting enough time more than anyone else is actually you, okay, and I'll just say that out there because pretty much anytime when you feel streched too thin by comittments and stuff like that and ogbligations generally speaking we drop things that we need first and it's important to take care of yourself and do the things that you need to do to keep going and to subsist

[Mara]: well and and Sophie you're kind of a ch-emist

[Sophie]: I am indeed a ch-emist ch-emistry

[Mara]: ch-emistry umm but

[Sophie]: I'm a bio ch-emist

[Mara]: you're a ch-emist [laughs]

[Sophie]: I wish I was a ch-emist I'm a wannabe ch-emist, chemist chemist for those of you who are having trouble figuring that out

[Mara]: with saturation when a solution is saturated it means that there's too much of one of the uhh of the solvent, no the solvent is the thing that, can you tell that I'm real real bad at chemistry

[Sophie]: can you tell that I'm not helping and that I'm just gonna let you flounder

[Mara]: uhh

[Sophie]: so when a solution reaches saturation I just said I wasn't gonna help, umm but when a solution reaches saturation basically you have your solution and you have your solute

[Mara]: solute! that's the word

[Sophie]: [crosstalk] and your solute is what is dissolved in the solution, and basically at that point you cannot get any more solute into that amount of solution it won't dissolve anymore it's just going to sit there at the bottom of the beaker stubbornly and not dissolve and you need to do one of two things if you want to get away from saturation and I think Mara's gonna talk about it

[Mara]: No I was gonna ask you what you do I just you really you kinda stole that from me

[Sophie]: sorry

[Mara]: I was trying to be clever

[Sophie]: I'm sorry I get really excited about ch-emistry

[Mara]: so what do you do when a solution is uhh saturated

[Sophie]: you can do one of three things, umm the first thing you can do is find a way to remove some of the excess solute that's in there by filtration or something like that remove some of the stressor, in our analogy, another thing you can do is add more solution if you have something that is taking up your time and whatnot and you lets say it's school and you graduate from school and all the sudden it's ah I've got so much more time it's wonderfull, great, you can sink that into your relationships if you want, you've added more to the solution, the third thing you can do is heat up the solution because a greater amount of free energy in the solution will result in a greater amount of uhh ya know solute being able to dissolve in there, I don't really know how that applies

[Mara]: set the things that are taking your time on fire

[Sophie]: yeah for sure

[Mara]: set it on fire

[Sophie]: light your obligations on fire

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: I will say that it's actually very interesting

[Mara]: don't do that please don't do that

[Sophie]: yeah please yeah please don't do that

[Mara]: for the love of god no

[Sophie]: I do wanna mention there is something that can happen only with certain solutes in certain solutions uhh but you can reach a point called super saturation if you heat it up dissolve more than is natural to be in there more than is uhh kind of chemically comfortable to be in the solution you can reach a point of super saturation and then everythings fine as it slowly cools down and you can go type in super saturation into youtube and look this up but any disturbance say a finger poke in the top will cause tons of solute to spontaneously umm uhh umm uhh word to spontaneously percipitate out of solution wow I went to college to get stupid I guess, uhh but basically the metaphor equivalant of that will be is that if you try to super saturate your life it'll end poorly and I'll have like very little sympathy for you cause like I warned ya and you heard it on the podcast

[Mara]: so don't light your obligations on fire

[Sophie]: please please don't do that thing

[Mara]: uh oh

[Sophie]: oh go for it sorry

[Mara]: did, do you hear that

[quiet klaxon sounds, grows louder]

[Sophie]: what

[Mara]: in the distance

[Sophie]: in the distance, I hear it

[Mara]: it's getting closer

[Sophie]: it is it's getting louder, I think do we have a polyfolly

[Mara]: we have a pollyfolly

[Sophie]: son of a bitch we have a polyfolly fucking pollyfolly

[Mara]: [laughs]

[klaxon fades]

[Mara]: so today's pollyfolly is getting into too many realtionships too quickly which uhh this is like new relationship energy and polysaturation in one fun package

[Sophie]: yeah I umm I wanna mention that this also includes joining triads and things like that if you find a cool couple or if you find a cool triad or a cool polycule of any size that you think you wanna join that is cool I am happy for you but

[Mara]: check yourself

[Sophie]: it could get very bad very quick especially as the new realtionship energy wears off I would not be shocked at all to hear that someone in that situation would begin to feel polysaturated again doesn't make you bad doesn't make you wrong it just means that it's something you need to be aware of going into it that way you don't make an ass of yourself, get it, cool, also probably uh ya know you mentioned new relationship energy and I wanna throw this in there a lot of new relationship energy can convince you to get too serious too soon in a relationship that's definitely gotta be a big polyfolly

[Mara]: yeah well and if you haven't listend to that episode yet we have a whole episod-

[Sophie]: what are ya doing ya lis- doing in the wrong order

[Mara]: there's no order Sophie

[Sophie]: there is an order, no when I export these to m-p-three they ask me what the track number is and I put it in there

[Mara]: there's not an order, but yeah we have a whole episode that talks about why that's a difficult thing you should go listen to that that's why that's a polyfolly don't jump up that relationship escalator

[Sophie]: don't jump up a podcast escalator listen to it in the right order

[Mara]: all right, uhh also failing to get to know someone fully before getting comitted to them that is that is guilty

[Sophie]: yeah guilty

[Mara]: you can't see it , raising my hand guilty guilty as fuck

[Sophie]: can you tell, ya know these polyfollies we don't have like a magic book that we look into that somebody else wrote and we say ahh these where the polyfollies are if we're saying usually means we've done it and is usually means it went poorly

[Mara]: yeah so good to know people

[Sophie]: getting to know you [singing] getting to know things about you

[Mara]: a;lsdkfj not wrong, that's fine [laughs ] but yeah no get get to know your partners it's cool

[Sophie]: we're gonna have no downloads after this episodes because people aren't gonna want to listen to my voice

[Mara]: before you saddle that comittment monster [comittment monster growl]

[Sophie]: every fucking episode he's gonna be in now I swear

[Mara]: yeah he's a reocurring character well see it's the less than four times more than seven times theory so I'm sorry for the next few episodes you're gonna fuckin hate the comittment monster but

[Sophie]: oh but then it'll start to be ironically funny again

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: yeah because we've doing it too much until we've done it sooo much that it just becomes funny again

[Mara]: mhmm

[Sophie]: got it okay

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: now I understand

[Mara]: but before you saddle up that comittment monster get to know the person that you're saddling that comittment monster with because oh wow this is gonna get real real dark they might stab you in the back and ride off with that comittment monster

[Sophie]: they might steal your comittment monster and then you'll have to go find a new comittment monster

[Mara]: and I just nobody wants to do that

[Sophie]: breaking in a new comittment monster is a terrible line of work

[Mara]: [laughs] umm yeah so I think that's all we have for polyfollies today

[Sophie]: before we finish up I have a few points of order

[Mara]: is this a meeting

[Sophie]: this is well

[Mara]: I didn't know you're falling roberts rules

[Sophie]: roberts rules

[Mara]: roberts rules, meeting, no we don't have points of order

[Sophie]: uhh well we do have this point of order, umm I didn't pay much attention in my commuinications class that my college required me to take um I'm pretty sure I did actually go to college to get stupid but umm I just want to mention again like we mentioned at the begining we do have a twitter and a facebook but as you can also see on the cover art of this we have a patreon now which is really cool and uhh like I said the link should be in your cover art it won't work if you click on it but it's seriously patreon dot com slash polyam radio it's pretty easy and before you turn this off because we're asking you for money just hear me out for one second umm we have some really cool rewards that we're gonna be putting on patreon and it would really help us out seriously it starts at just one dollar a months

[Mara]: give us your lunch money

[Sophie]: yeah I'm gonna start out I'm gonna just read very quickly some of the cool rewards that we have on there you can go uhh ya know read them yourself on the link but I'm just gonna ya know briefly briefly umm kinda go through it so for the first level which is patrons this starts at just one dollar a month uhh seriously y'all that is fifty cents an episode that you're basically paying for this I think these ya know frankly I think these episodes are worth more than fifty cents a piece uhh but you're getting them for free right now and if you'd like to show your support but you're kinda straped for cash that's absolutely fine for just one dollar a month you'll get a personal shout out on this show probably on most of the episodes umm ya know that's a pretty cool thing ya know you can hear your own name and other people will know how cool you are and I think that's a really awesome thing uhh for partner that's partner of the show not partner of us, that's a five dollar a month tier and at this level you'll not only get a shout out on the show almost every episode but uhh you'll also get access to a few bonus episodes we're gonna record and post and those are gonna be cool topics that only our patreon users will have access to so that's some very cool stuff and ya know frankly I hope everybody ya know wants to support on patreon and I hope everyone is able to because these are gonna be really cool episodes that you're not gonna have access to otherwise and ya know it's not that we wanna keep things from other people we just wanna ya know those people that uhh wanna go the extra mile and support us that way we wanna do them a little something umm and then primaries this is the top teir right now for ten dollars uhh a month or more I wanted to make a glucose guardian slash sugar daddy level but all I could think of the reward was show you my tits and I don't think I'm allowed to do that especially over an audio only medium umm so basically at the ten dollar a month level uhh you'll get the shout out on the show you'll get the bonus episodes and uhh you will get all the episodes a week before they come out for everybody else so basically once we get some ten dollar basically what we're gonna be doing is over winter break I'm gonna create kind of a backlog of these episodes and we're gonna have a few of them stored up and I'll be posting them a week early on patreon for our ten dollar a month primary umm uhh patrons I guess our primary patrons umm so if you really really love this show and you wanna support it and you wanna get some early episodes and everything and see it before everyone else does and be the cool one at the bar who ya know knows what's going on in everybodies favorite podcast then that's a real good option I encourage you umm I made the descriptions of these levels very funny in the text I didn't wanna read them here because I wanted the surprise to be there for you but I encourage you at least visit our patreon give em a read umm maybe consider it and certainly share the link and tell your friends because umm we're looking at investing in some new recording equipment and stuff like that our microphone is really high quality but it's just sitting on the counter right now we don't have a mic stand umm we don't have a kind of a one of those cloth like pop ya know buffer things umm uh I'm sorry I've been really sick all week and yeah like I said sorry I'm getting sick and or I'm just getting over being sick rather and its reall- this is really taking a toll on my voice today umm but anyways umm ya know I know that umm uhh it would mean the world to both Mara and me if you would at least consider supporting and if you'd share with your friends so we can get more listeners right now this is only the fourth episode we're recording and right now we've got about twenty or so people who listen a week and I can't tell you how amazing that feels I know that's not much in the podcasting world when people have ya know six figures of followers but I'm an activist who does events at the colligiate level right now and when I put on a program if twenty people showed up uhh ya know I'm in heaven ya know that's great in my world truly umm ya know we love and appriciate every single one of your you're the absolute ya know I guess you're our fans I guess and like ya know not that you like bake us cookies and send us things and whatever but I still think you're the best fans in the world and I just I can't tell you how much we both appriciate this so like I said please consider supporting us and please this week if you could it would mean a lot to us tell at least at least one friend or partner about this podcast and just download it on their phone for them just give them that just say hey I'm just gonna do this quick and then ya have it and listen to it whenever you gotta because then they got it and they won't forget the name of it it would really help us out and it'll help us uhh ya know it would help our confidence and whatnot it would help us knowing that we're getting a wider reach and it'll help more people find this and hopefully it'll help more people learn more about polyamory because that's what this whole thing is about so yeah that's enough for the formal meeting portion of this and I think that's actually about all the time we have today so uhh have a nice holiday and remember don't date you're dad's best friend

[Sophie]: [Mara]: and don't date you're best friends dad

[Sophie]: see you next time folks

["Good old fashioned lover boy" by Queen plays]

[Announcer]: This show was part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative

[End transcript]

#polysaturation #polyamradio #polyam #polyamory #queer #trans #transcript #ep4

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

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