at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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Hungry Bird Chase (1?)
(My Reimagined Banban x Gender Neutral player/reader)
Below the cut:
Rating: Teen for injury descriptions.
Summary: your first time witnessing your companion's dangerous appetite.
(*Note: this is written based on my reimagined versions of these characters. So there's going to be some story divergence. Gender Neutral reader w/ they/them pronouns used to make my life easier. I might do a part 2*)
…
BanBan had been an… odd companion to have. Though you appreciated the help he gave through this ungodly maze-like building, there was still this odd air around him.
He seemed to be desperate to help you, but at the same time avoiding you. Keeping a level of distance from you.
At first, you did the same, so it didn't seem all that odd. He was probably scared like you were, unsure of your next move. On guard.
But, as you started letting your walls down, he didn't appear to do the same, at least, not much.
It felt like he was just starting to open up to you, then that jellyfish had to ruin it. BanBan had been captured, and you struggled to find him.
You'd think a giant one-eyed orange jellyfish holding a tall red monster would be easy to spot, but thanks to all the bottomless pits everywhere, you lost them rather quickly.
In that time, you managed to tame Opila Bird, riding on her back through the facility.
You wouldn't deny that you were proud of your accomplishment. Part of you wished you could show off your amazing feat to Banban. But you obviously had to find him first.
So, riding on the back of a tall pink bird, you search for him.
For a while.
A long while.
You swore you had been in some of these rooms before, but it was difficult to keep track without a map.
After another hellish hallway leading to a balcony above the abyss, Opila stopped, Tarta Bird standing next to the both of you with a baby bird on their back.
Both birds froze, staring into the darkness.
You were tempted to ask them why, but your words caught on your tongue upon hearing a familiar ominous voice.
"Bird riding is a new one, I'll give you that."
Stinger Flynn.
He proceeded to monologue in front of you, you grew more agitated and disinterested as he spoke, until he said something particularly odd.
"I got what I needed, and you gave up your chance of freedom, but… I don't have time to deal with you, so.."
One of his retractable stingers emerged from one of his tube-like arms.
It swiftly moved towards you before you could react! You were certain it was going to pierce through your body!
You only had time to raise your arms and guard your face!
But it dashed past you, only leaving a big, but non lethal gash on your hand.
It hurt, but compared to what you are expecting it didn't seem like much. They didn't even appear to be anything too bad, though it might require stitches.
You didn't have time to process it, however.
One of Stinger Flynn's other arms revealed BanBan, the tendril coiled around him, before rapidly throwing him.
You gasped as Banban's body harshly collided with the wall behind you. You could hear the force of the impact knock the air out of him, leaving him winded and limp on the floor.
Before the jellyfish descended into the darkness, his parting words were "I'll let him deal with you."
Then, he was gone.
You hopped off of Opila, panicking as you ran to check on BanBan.
"Banban!" You yelled, sitting on your knees as you shook his face-down body.
He groaned, propping himself up on his hands, and soon his knees as well.
He shakily met your gaze, his left eye, which already tended to have a Shiner anyway, was someone shot as the entire area around it was bruised far worse. The bruises spread to his chicken forehead.
He must have hit the wall pretty hard. His faded red color was interrupted by dark purples.
You gently grazed your finger over the bruised, now purple, skin. Apologizing when he flinched away and whined.
His good eye drifted you your injured hand, and his demeanor went from small and injured to frantic and concerned in a snap.
"Oh my- what happened to your hand!?"
His larger, red hands held your bleeding one. The crimson fluid trickled between your fingers.
BanBan stood up, quickly lifting you up with him. Because of how shy and gentle he acted, you often forgot how strong he really was sometimes.
"We need to find you a first aid kit! Oh I'm sure we had one around here on this floor somewhere!"
"Hey hey! It's okay, I have bandages." To prove your claim, you pulled a roll of gauze from your bag, wrapping your hand up swiftly.
He seemed relieved, flashing you his signature sweet smile, purple forked tongue sticking out and all.
But as quickly as the smile came, it was gone. His face warped from reluctantly relieved to panicked once more.
He slapped his hand over his mouth and stumbled back from you.
Oh, right. You forgot he could smell with his tongue like a snake. Seems like a big reaction, but maybe he was squeamish around blood or something?
He turned his back to you, hunched over, his free hand clutching his stomach.
"Oh, BanBan, I'm fine. It's not that bad." You attempted to sooth him.
Just then you heard his stomach growl, loudly. It actually startled you.
And the way he seemed to double over, clutching the fabric of his jacket harder as he put more pressure on the noisy organ, attempting to silence it.
You could hear him murmuring panicked words to himself, but you couldn't make out what he was saying.
He looked ill..
"Woah, Banban? You alright there bud? Do you uh… have a stomach ache or something?" You awkwardly reached out to him, rest your hand on his back for only a second before he flinched away from you.
His stomach let out another loud growl.
He murmured again, his voice strained, but this time, you heard it.
"Please… r...un..!"
Your eyes widened and you jumped back in fear as he let out a beastly snarl.
You wasted no time running towards Opila and Tarta. Leaping onto Opila's back, you rode away as fast as possible down yet another unfamiliar corridor.
Playing a strange Bird racing game where you had to take turns being first place, all while you were being chased by who you assumed to be your friend, made your heart pound in your chest.
You could hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears as a shot of adrenaline took over you.
You looked back, though you really wish you hadn't. BanBan's open eye was wide open, his pupil pinprick small, nearly invisible. And he had sharp teeth that you had never seen before.
Did he always have those intimidating claws??
You tried using your hand to close the green doors as you moved, hoping to buy yourself more time. It only worked a little bit, as Banban stopped to pry each of the doors open or slam his body through them.
As you slammed more doors behind you though, you gained a bit more distance ahead of him.
Your victory was short-lived however, when you reached the end of the hallway. A dead end other than the stairs before you that lead to God knows where.
Banban burst through the last door, the metal creaking and warping as he dented and broke it.
His breathing was heavy as his eye locked onto you. Any recognition of you was gone.
Even though he mostly looked the same, his demeanor was practically unrecognizable to you, as he salivated at the sight of you.
Strands of saliva dribbled down his face, his deadly fangs on full display as he stalked towards you and Opila.
You rode Opila up the stairs, following Tarta bird. Both Birds halted at the top of the flight of stairs though, as the ground shook underneath you.
A familiar, monstrous growl rang from the darkness ahead of you, as heavy footsteps emerged.
Green was the first thing you saw.
You got extra scared when you saw BanBan turn towards it.
Jumbo Josh.
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hi! I'd love to read more about your boarding school AU! only if you have something in mind of course.
safe travel! <3
Love you anon, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hadn't written anything for a while, but here's a fic I just wrote in my notes app for you. It's Bezz/cele mostly. Kiss kiss hope you enjoy even though it's whatever! 💗💗
---
Pecco shows up a little late at dinnertime and delivers the news as he pulls a chair next to Franky.
"Apparently it's picture day tomorrow for the team, around 11." Pecco announces as he pours himself a glass of water.
"Why are they rushing it?" Bezz asks from where he's sitting next to Cele.
"They want to get it done before the principal travels for his guest lectures and we leave for the regionals" Luca responds on Pecco's behalf who nods in his direction.
"What are we expected to wear?" Franky inquires.
"The whole shebang. Suit and tie and winter trousers." Pecco's response immediately makes Franky and Bezz groan in protest.
"I don't even have a pressed shirt." Luca remarks.
"You can borrow one of mine." Pecco tells him.
---
After dinner Bezz accompanies Cele to the infirmary to get his bandages changed. Cele had cut his palm open in a lab mishap. The nurses had stitched it up fine, but recovery was chugging along. Bezz has been helping him since then, always coming to see him after classes, and sitting next to him during meals to ensure he ate.
On the walk back to the residences, Cele quickly makes a mental checklist of whether he has his full uniform ready for tomorrow.
"Why are you so quiet?" Bezz asks him as they cut through the lawns in the dark.
"Thinking about where my clothes are."
"I'll help you find them."
"No that's fine Marco. I'm just worried about washing my hair."
"Because of your hand?" Bezz asks.
"Yes. Bathing is already difficult"
"I could.... I could help." Bezz speaks after a moment, an edge to his voice.
"Okay, thank you." Cele nods in response to Bezz's offer.
---
Bezz and Cele are the only two people in the the dorm bathrooms at this hour. The halogen lights makes a buzzing noise as they stand there confused.
"Right, umm, how do we do this." Bezz asks to no one in particular.
"The sinks seem fine. I'll bend over." Cele responds, not quite sure of himself.
"Alright yeah. Wait." Bezz says as he wraps a small plastic bag around Cele's bandaged hand to keep it dry.
Cele lets Bezz securely tie the bag around his wrist and bends himself so his neck and face hand into the sink.
Bezz accidentally turns the tap on full speed, soaking the collar and back of Cele's t shirt.
"Fuck shit" he remarks as he quickly shuts off the water.
"Cele I think it would be better if you took your t shirt off." Bezz tells him.
Cele stands up straight and struggles to get his wet tshirt off with one hand. Bezz immediately closes the gap between them and grabs the bottom of his tshirt and gently tugs it upwards. He looks at the broad expanse of his pale body, the veins under his skin looking blue under the harsh lights. Bezz gulps as he frees Cele's head from the collar of the fabric, taking extra care to gently loop it out of his injured hand. Cele's familiar body looked alien to him at this odd hour in these odd circumstances.
Cele bends over once again and sticks his neck into the sink. Bezz manoeuvres the tap better this time. Cele feels warm water on the nape of his neck. It flows down his scalp in little rivulets that makes him feel like he's getting goosebumps. Bezz gently eases his fingers into his hair. The dull ends of his fingers on the skin behind his ears. Cele can't describe the feeling. It feels pleasantly relaxing, but also like being on a rollercoaster when it's dropping down. Bezz squeezes some shampoo into his hair and quickly massages it into a lather. Bezz's fingers snag on his tangled curls as he cleans him. The pinching, sharp sensation on his scalp feels like it's running down Cele's shoulder and making his stomach feel like it's in freefall. Bezz rinses him and takes the care to clean the foam around his ears. Afterwards, he uses a towel to gently dry him off and drops him off to his dorms.
---
Cele runs to the lawns to make it in time for the picture. Pecco and Luca are there, waiting for another group to get done before they assemble. Luca looks at Cele and tells him to fix his collar, Pecco smiles and reaches over to fix it for him. When they finally line up, Bezz comes over to stand next to Cele, and ruffles his curls before the picture is taken.
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