#and everytime there was angst i was like SUDDENLY I CANNOT READ<3 so this is where im at emotionally hdjkdhjks denial

[reiketsunomizunomegami]

Oh my *squeal*

I loved the request on where the One piece boys got kissed by their sleepy crush! Could I have a continuation🥺

Like when they see them next time they Show their crush that He also likes them? With a kiss or sweet gesture >3<

Also! Take your time and rest plenty💙

Lots of love 💙💙

Awwwweeee thank you so much Anon💙😊

Here is it now I hoped you liked it💙😊

How OP Boys Shows their Crush that they feel the same pt 2

Click here to read part 1

Warning: Mention Anxiety, Slight Angst, Fluff in the End

Feat: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji and Ace

Monkey D. Luffy

-As the Goes On Luffy wants to talk to you and tell you how much he love you from the day he saw you but your nowhere to be found

-He ask Nami where you are at this moment "She's at her room right now" Nami responded With Some hint of Confusion

-Luffy Swiftly Headed towards your Cabin to check on you and when Luffy finally reach at your Doorstep he suddenly felt the Coldness and Nervousness of his own body

-To Lessen the Nervousness of his Body Luffy Slap himself hard and take a very deep breath before Knocking On Your Door

-As Luffy Was Waiting For your Response, You were just lying on your Bed full with Embarrassment and Regret from your Impulsive Actions this Morning

-You've been liked that until you heard a loud knock on your Door. You let out a Loud Groan of Annoyance "Not Now!" You lazily Responded "Its Me Y/N! Its Luffy!" The voice responden from outside

-Your Eyes got widened and Immediately Got out from the Bed headed towards the Door "Wha-What do you want?" You ask him "Just Open the Door Please" He responded at you

-You tried to push him away but Luffy Insisted that if you didn't let him in then he will just Break the Door down for you so You had no other option but to let him in

-As he entered the Room Luffy Gave you an Awkward Smile as You Avoided his Gaze and didn't even spoke a single word. Luffy Shrugged out "I Like You Too Y/N" He suddenly Blurted out

-You Immediately Turn your Gaze towards him with a full a surprise from his words "What?" You ask him in Confusion "What are you talking about Captain?" You added

-And Suddenly Luffy press his lips into yours making you yelp in surprise. As his Pulled apart you Stared him in the Eyes "Ive been feeling this way since the Day I met you that Island" Luffy Confessed, In Shocked you Covered your face in Embarrassment before Replying "Me too" Luffy Gave you a Lovingly Smile Before Pressing his Lips into yours again

Roranoa Zoro

-As you just Stood there like a rock still Processing from Zoro's Words "What are talking you about?" You ask in Confusion

-Zoro Blink For a sec and let out a breathy Laugh "Isn't it too obvious that I Liked you? He Confessed

-Well You Didn't really know or even noticed a single hint that He liked you too so You think that he doesn't care about you at all

-and now it turns out that you're wrong about you thoughts and it makes you feel a little happy inside "So Kiss me earlier aaannnd is it because you liked me as well or because you're so Drowsy back then? Zoro ask you

-As you tell him that you liked him as well, Zoro Was really over the moon after hearing those words from mouth and gave you a tight Hug

-you two stay like that for a while Until A knock Interrupted the Two of you and when you turn towards the Entrance you both spotted Chopper and you can see that Chopper was embarrassed for what he sees from both of

-after Chopper treated He left and then Zoro sat down besides you and suddenly Kiss you Lips

Sanji Vinsmoke

-Two days has passed after the Incident with Sanji and even though Sanji wasn't mind thst at all you still cannot face him right now you everytime you got a chance you're always avoiding him

-Sanji wasn't having any of it because He thinks after you both kissed, well you will eventually understand his true feelings

-So He thinks another ways for him to let you know his Hidden Passion towards you. First Sanji Cooks the Food ylu loved the Most, Secondly He Approaches you and tells you about his day and Constantly Play with your Hair but for his disappointment none of this worked at all

-So he hand no choice but to use his last card and that is to confront you about it. He look everywhere for you but you're nowhere to be found until Chopper Tells him that you're with Robin and helping her with something

-After Knowing that Sanji Sprinted out towards Robin's Room to Talk to you and when get there Robin already knew what she do next so She Walks away leaving you and Sanji to the Empty Room. You Stared down facing you feet as you avoiding his Gaze in Embarrassment

-Sanji Scratch the back of his head as he clear up his throat trying to get your attention and when he did "He-Hey Y/N-Chan" He said Awkwardly and you smile at him awkwardly still not saying a word. Both of you stayed up liked that for a while until Sanji Walk towards you and it make you step aback

-As your Back touched against the wooden Wall Sanji finally stop his tracks "I'm so sorry if I'm Scaring you Y/N-Chan, I just wanted to tell you something" He Confessed which makes your heart ache a little before responding "Wha-What is it Sanji-Kun?" As you ask him Sanji Took a deep breath Before "I Liked you Y/N-Chan!" this words shock from the Bones cuz' you didn't know that he liked you as well

-As Sanji Nervously Waiting for your Response you move closer to him and Pressed your Lips into his. Sanji's Eyes Widened from your action but he loves it so much and when you pulled away Sanji Wants a Verbally Response so You do you gave him a firm yes and the he crash his lips into yours as you smiled on kiss and Sanji Breathy Mumbled "I Love You Y/N-Chan"

Portgast D. Ace

-You'd been ignoring Ace for days and it really Frustrating him so much

-Everytime He wants to start a conversation with you, you will just Ignore him and Leave him all by himself

-The Other Commanders were Laughing at him now because how badly he wants to talk to you and tell his True feelings for you

-He's Hopeless and devastated until his Brother Thatch!! Offered to him a Hand to get you both together

-Some of the Crews get involved to it too and obviously you didn't even know about it. So when time has come Thatch Tells you if you can get him some Spices from the stockroom and you obviously obeyed him

-When you got there your Eyes immediately landed on Ace. As you about to leave you couldn't open the door as if someone tries to lock you both in there and yes there is someone locking you both inside the stockroom

-As you turned towards Ace and he was now Staring at you, as you seen the Flustered look on his Face "Y/N?" He calls you out and of Course you have no way to escape this all so you Respond "Yes?" You said. Ace slowly Walk towards you and surprisingly you didn't even tried to stop him from Approaching you

-When he got more Closer with you, Your heart started to race and it was making you even more nervous than Before "I Like You Y/N" He Confessed only for you to stare into his Beautiful Eyes "What?" You ask making sure that What you have just Heard was all true "No" Ace Responded making you look down for bit feeling an Embarrassment because how can someone like Ace will Love a woman Like you, you said in your thoughts and Suddenly Ace Lift Your Chin up for you to look at him "I Didn't Liked you at all.. Because *Smile* I Loved You Y/N" He said along with a warm smile as he lean closer and press his soft lips against yours

#One piece imagine #One piece canon #One piece x s/o #One piece x y/n #Monkey D. Luffy #Roranoa Zoro #Sanji Vinsmoke #Portgast D. Ace #Luffy x reader #Luffy x you #Zoro x reader #Zoro x you #Sanji x reader #Sanji x you #Ace x reader #Ace x you #Reiketsunomizunomegami blog #Reiketsunomizunomegami writing #Reiketsunomizunomegami

[emjiroki]

I-I... averts eyes shamefully emi pls don't hate me but whenever mikey gets dark impulses my mind goes angry sex hardcore sex (oh my god im slowly getting too slutty comfortable here, please forgive me)

BUT

but during these moments, in this dark moment where darkness is almost swallowing everything around him, including him, it's you who helps him. The darkness that embraces him is overpowered by the light you shine, you're his light.

I imagine him just suddenly looking down at your back as he fucks you from behind, marks on your skin from his hasty and rough actions from earlier and then up to your tears stained cheeks, eyes brimming full of tears yet those eyes seem to reflect not a monster but your love for him eyes filled with so much love and understanding and then he come to a stop wondering why his vision started getting blurry and then he feels your warm hand cupping his cheek as you reach back at him wiping the tears away, his hand meeting yours as he held it against his face closing his eyes. The aftermath being him hugging and holding you carefully, whispers of apologies and guilt as if afraid he will hurt you more but you only smile gently at him returning nothing but kisses and assurances that he can never hurt you, hearing you assure him, you can feel your bare shoulder getting wetter and silent sobs escape from his lips, while you brush his hair softly with your fingers. He loves you so much, he knows how much he can hurt you yet he cannot let you go, was that too selfish of him? After everything that has happened can't he, just this once be selfish? Of course, if you tell him that you want to go, he will let you yet here you are, still staying and loving him despite everything he has done and everything he is, you love him so wholeheartedly. Wanting and loving someone like him, how greedy of you but that's one of the reasons he cannot let you go. God forbid anyone taking you away from him, hell will surely break loose on earth.

ack this turned from smutty to fluff to angst real fast- how are you today emi?~ <3

was this too much? sobs im sorry for being a slutty whore for fictional pathetic sad broken men whom i dont want to fix but just want to give all the love i have

-☁

dont ever be sorry about sending me stuff!!! (I dont really have any triggers if Im gonna be honest, ive been exposed to and reading messed up and angsty content since I was young lmao)

Mikey is the perfect angsty character! (Hardcore sex from him? AHHHH) I want bruises on my hips and him to be thrusting so hard it takes my breath away!

I just want to give him hugs and all the love in the world! (this was so good btw like omfg please write lol i would read all of your stuff!) He would feel so guilty taking out any stress or frustration on your body but he just cant help it. when everything gets to be too much he finds solace and comfort in you and your body. I would hold him so close as he cries UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

Im doing okay today! cramping super bad but it is what it is (also DoorDash messed up my order and I cried lmao damn hormones) How are you doing today? I hope good or at least better than me lol

NEVER BE SORRY FOR BEING SLUTTY IN MY INBOX THATS LITERALLY WHAT ITS THERE FOR! You are never too much my lovely cloudy anon and you make me happy everytime I see your asks pop up! youve always got the best takes!

#cloudy anon ☁️ #tw angst #manjiro sano #em talks 👄

[sysba]

Mason & Winter Collins for Love in Wayhaven

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO THE WONDERFUL @narrativefoiltrope! Or, you know... just a happy regular day!! This is my (humble) offer for @loveinwayhaven which I'm very nervous to share lol but I hope Mason and Winter are doing great ♡ I fell in love with them going through Erin's blog and I *tried* to do them justice... I don't know whether I was successful or not, but I sure put all my love into this and I truly hope you like it!

#loveinwayhaven #the wayhaven chronicles #agent m #twc edits #I'VE HAD THIS READY SINCE FEBRUARY 1ST WAITING FOR ACTUAL VALENTINE'S DAY SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD IDEA BUT IT WAS TORTURE SDFGHJK #anyways i hope you like it ahh *uwu face* hkjdd i've been annoying lyu a lot because i was so nervous loll #ok so ngl i wanted to write a ficlet about W knitting a jumper for M bc i saw a hc and i'm so into the idea... #but then i got intimidate because i've read your stuff and you're such a good writer *cries in simp* #this isn't the biggest gift i know but i promise i put my heart and soul in it #(for you but also for Them because their relationship makes me so soft!!!!!!!!) #i carefully selected every pic lol like. there's homer because of the greek thing (yeah it's ancient greek but still lmao) #and that quote about touch bc u said winter is v tactile and we know m is very particular about touch! #mmh and the one about feeling to deeply can literally be read in so many ways i saw it and i HAD to use it bc head full of thoughts #plus yk some details about winter like the milky tea the french the freckles the type of apartment etc... #also cinnamon rolls cuz... she's one #don't think i have to explain that Hades quote but i'd like to point out that it did make me cry and all my clown makeup ran #i believe in 'AU where winter f*ck*ng lives' supremacy SJDJKDHJKDJKAD #i went through your blog to read some fics and meta (without liking or rb just because i didn't wanna expose myself lol but i'll fix that) #and everytime there was angst i was like SUDDENLY I CANNOT READ<3 so this is where im at emotionally hdjkdhjks denial #myposts #myedits

[bowandcurtsey]

Hi Aine❤ After reading your Yami x Reader who dies after childbirth, it broke my heart into pieces. And I suddenly thought what if the other BC boys' S/O dies after childbirth, can I request that? Please get some more sleep everyday and stay healthy💖

Hi lovely bby! Thank you for loving that fic! It broke my heart too, I just wanted to give Yami a huge hug ಥ‿ಥ

Yes sure we can do the others, but because I only do longer fics for one character only, and I would do HCs or short scenrios for multiple characters in one request! :)

Also I have wrote about the boys and their s/o dying before, you can take a look at the HCs here. I will be adding on to those HCs, so be sure to read THESE too! :3

Nozel | Fuegoleon | William x f! reader

TW: character death, angst.

Nozel Silva

It was the one thing he dreaded the most; because that was how he lost his mother. His mother died protecting them and now, you had left him because of your child too.

Why? He constantly questioned himself. He constantly questioned god. Why does he have to lose people that were dear to him. People that he could feel safe with and open up his heart to.

It took him a long time to finally open up to someone and love someone. Only for him to lose you in the worst way possible.

For days, he wouldn't eat. He would only barely drink. He held onto your child and stared at them, staring at whatever resemblance they had of you.

It took him a long time to walk out of grieve. And truth to be told. He never got over you. He never really healed completely.

He would be fiercely over protective to your child, for he could never bear to lose anyone dear again.

As your child grew up, initially, they detested their father for being fierce and stubborn towards them. They barely had any freedom, their meals were planned by the best nutritionist, they had a personal trainer to make sure they were in the best of health.

Nozel refused to let them be a magic knight. They refused to let them do any work that was unsafe. In his thoughts, he was fine for them to just live off him for the rest of their life. If he could, he would lock them up, so he would never lose them just like he lost his mother and wife.

It wasn't until someone around him (fuegoleon, dorothy, solid or nebra) knocked him to his senses and told him that he was hurting them instead of protecting them.

Nozel barely spoke of you. It always hurt. Thinking of you was painful, he always felt like he couldn't breathe as his mind flashed to memories of you. Your smiles, your laughter, your scent, your voice. What used to be lovely memories became a nightmare to him, for everytime he reminisced about the times he had with you, he had to come back to a huge and empty bed without you.

Fuegoleon Vermillion

Fuego was always a very strong willed and responsible man. Even when his wife passed away because of childbirth, he only took time off for your funeral and he returned to work after that.

He would give the best things to his children. Everything that they wanted. It was difficult to explain why their mother was gone. But he did it the best that he could and as honestly as they could understand.

He wouldn't blame them nor will he let them blame on themselves. He would try his best to hide his grief and continue being positive and strong for them.

But there were days when he looked at them, and saw you in them. Like how they loved to have a certain habit like you did, and how a certain trait of them was just like yours, he couldn't help but miss you even more.

Sometimes when he held them or put them to sleep, a tear cannot help itself but roll down the corner of his eyes.

He would try to give them both a fatherly and motherly love. Being there for them as much as he could as they grew up. Teaching them their homework, playing with them, helping them do small things like tying their hair, or wearing their shoes.

He would still let his children do whatever they wanted but he would definitely tag along if they were doing anything dangerous. Hell, he would try to follow them around even though they were just heading out actually, to make sure your children don't come to any harm's way.

When would constantly think about what you would do for the kids if you were still here, and sometimes beat himself up for not being a good mother like you were.

He never actually walks out from the pain of losing you. He constantly talks about you with your kids and always remind them of how great of a mother and person you were.

William Vangeance

William would be overwhelmed with sorrow and anguish. For days he would hold onto your baby and cried, until Julius and Yami had to pull him out of it for the sake of the baby.

He tried coming back to work but he just could not focus and would constantly space out and have tears in his eyes.

His members wanted to tell him to take a break, but at the same time they knew that him coming back to work was the best for everyone since there was someone that could keep an eye on him.

He would constantly still talk about you, as if you were still around, and people around him knew better than you tell him the truth, so they just played along with whatever he said.

As time passed and the pain slowly subsided and he was more aware of what was going on, he carried on his captain duties but he also brought the baby to work with him.

He wanted to personally care for the child and bring them up. He didn't want your child to feel any less loved and if he could he wanted to give them extra love and everything they needed or wanted.

He always gave them the best of everything; clothes, food, schools. He also made sure to teach them life values and also personally train them to fight.

He doted on them and barely scolded them. He tries his best to be by their side throughout. From school events to parent meetings. He still keeps your photo on his beside table and he speaks to you daily. He asks whether you're proud of him and your child. He asks how you are up in heaven and whether he'll get to meet you again. He promises to protect and nurture your child as long as he lives.

When your kids asks about you, he would tell them the truth. Because he felt that they needed to know how much their mother sacrificed a for both of them. But they would also tell their child that it was not their fault that this has happened. It was just fate. As much as he hated to say it, he didn't know a better word than fate. Maybe you were an angel in disguise and had fulfilled your duty on Earth, therefore it was time to return.

He could only tell that to you and your child. Because that was the best explanation there could be.

-end-

#black clover fanfiction #black clover imagine #black clover headcanons #black clover x reader #black clover imagines #black clover scenarios #black clover x y/n #black clover x you #nozel silva x reader #nozel imagine #nozel x reader #fuegoleon vermillion hc #fuegoleon x reader #fuegoleon vermillion x reader #william vangeance x reader #black clover william #black clover nozel #black clover fuegoleon #nozel silva #fuegoleon vermillion #william vangeance

[sequinsmile-x]

Day-to-Day

Chapter 4: Aaron

Words: 5k

Warnings: None 

Read over on ao3, or below the cut.

Please let me know what you think <3

December 2009

He’d convinced her to go. Aaron had seen her hesitation as she stood at the front door of their temporary apartment, the twitch in her fingers when Amelia almost immediately reached out for her after Aaron took her. The way she bit her lip when Theo asked her, again, if she really had to go out.

She did have to go, despite how much she would deny it. He knew she needed some time with her friends, and Penelope and JJ had practically begged for a girls night. The 6 months Emily had been gone long and drawn out for all of them. She talked them down to dinner, not wanting to spend too long away from her family that had been so delicately stitched back together. Getting a table at any restaurant so close to Christmas had been difficult, but being the daughter of an ambassador had its advantages, and for once Emily hadn’t been hesitant to use them.

Aaron had sent her on her way with a kiss to her cheek and an assurance that they would be ok without her for a couple of hours.

He was now slightly regretting that decision, but he would never tell her. Their children were feral. Jack was in a mood. His teenage angst was out in full swing this evening, the anger he had experienced shortly after Haley’s death coming back to the forefront in the fallout of the situation with Foyet. He was hiding out in his room, playing a video game and ignoring his father.

Theo was asking where Emily was every few minutes and when she’d be back. He tried to placate his son with his favourite tv show and pizza, and it wouldn’t do. Theo was sitting in the living room, sideways on an armchair as he watched the front door intently. Aaron knew he was going to have to have a conversation with Emily soon about the attachment issues, but it was not the time yet, knowing his wife wouldn’t take it well either. That part of her loved that their son constantly sought her out.

Amelia was cranky. She still didn’t fully trust him, but things were better than they had been when she first shied away from him a few weeks ago. He knows that Emily nursed her before she puts her to bed, that it’s a treasured part of his wifes daily routine, so in the hope that a snack will help he grabs a small yoghurt from the fridge and places her in her high chair.

He feeds her, and although just under half of it ends up on her face, she does calm down a little whilst she is eating. He cleans her up, but she starts fussing again almost immediately.

As soon as Emily walks into the apartment he breathes a sigh of relief. Theo jumps out of the chair and to his mothers side, immediately hugging her.

“Mommy, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She kneels down to hug him properly, kissing the side of his head. She pulls back to look at him, thumb worrying over the now mostly healed cut on his forehead that he had acquired during Aaron’s final showdown with Foyet. She looks over and sees Amelia crying in Aaron’s arms. “It’s late, why don’t you go to bed and I’ll come say goodnight in a bit?”

Theo nods, hugging her again before bounding off, throwing a goodnight aimed at his father as he runs down the hallway.

“You were right.” She says, happiness pouring off of her as she removes her coat and shoes at the door. “I really did need that. Pen kept trying to convince me to drink wine even though I told her I’m still nursing.” She says with a laugh in her voice, she turns to him and the smile slides off her face as she takes in the sight of him, and he realises how stressed he must look.

Ameila tries to turn in his arms at the sound of her mother’s voice and starts to cry harder as she reaches out for Emily. Aaron transfers her with little fanfare, knowing that whatever was wrong with the little girl was something only his wife could fix.

“What's this all about, baby?” Emily says as she holds her daughter tightly, her lips pressed to her forehead as she rocks her. “Has she been like this since I left?” She asks as she looks up at her husband.

“The past hour.” Aaron says, watching as Emily gently bounces Amelia in her arms as she attempts to settle the 11 month old. “I’ve been struggling to calm her down.”

The sympathy on his wifes face makes frustration flood his veins, another reminder of something Foyet had taken from him. His relationship with his daughter was still fragile, the way she was still unsure around him a punch to the gut every time she frantically reached out for her mother. Emily looks at the high chair and frowns when she spots the yoghurt pot still sitting on the tray.

“Did she eat that?” Emily asks, her hand rubbing delicate circles on Amelia’s back.

Aaron looks over before turning back to his wife. “Yeah, she was cranky. They all were. I thought a snack would help tide her over until you got home.”

Emily hesitates. It’s fast, almost undetectable, but he catches it.

“Aaron.” Her voice is soft, gentle in a way that was usually only used on the children when she wanted them to know they weren’t in trouble. “She’s lactose intolerant.”

The memory hits him suddenly. Emily curled up next to him in the hotel room they had stayed in when they were first reunited, filling him in on anything and everything to do with the kids. He remembers her telling him that the doctors had got to the bottom of Amelia’s bad stomach, and that she was dairy free herself because she was still nursing her. She’d lamented missing chocolate and cheese, and joked it was her biggest sacrifice as a mother so far.

“I’m sorry.” He stutters, not sounding like himself as it dawned on him. “I’m sorry.” He repeats as he runs his hand through his hair.

“Aaron, baby, it’s ok.” She says, her hand on his arm. She has Amelia on her hip, one arm securing their grumpy baby to her. “It happens. I should have reminded you before I went out.”

“I should know what my daughter can and cannot eat without being reminded.” He seethes, his anger aimed at himself. He tears his arm from under her hand and takes a couple steps back. He watches as she tries to placate him further, useless reassurances on the tip of her tongue. “I’m going out.”

“Honey-”

“I need some air.” He grabs his keys from the side table and leaves the apartment before she can argue any further, the door closing a little too harshly behind him.

Emily sighs and closes her eyes. Amelia buries her head further into her mothers neck, whining as she did so.

“Oh, sweet girl. I know you feel icky.” She kisses the side of her daughter's head and rubs her back. “Let's go see what your brothers are up to.” She kisses her head again and walks through the apartment in search of her sons. ________________

She feeds and settles Amelia before reading with Theo for a bit, smiling as her son drifts off to sleep against her side. She quietly slips out of his room, well practised at the quick and silent exit, and gently closes his bedroom door. Jack gives her a small wave and a grunt when she pops her head into his room, his grumpiness obvious the second she lays eyes on him.

Emily washes her face, blowing out a breath as she takes in the sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. Any joy, any relief she felt after spending an evening with her friends had wilted as quickly as it had bloomed in her chest. The lightness that JJ’s laugh, and Penelope’s overly personal questions about Emily and Aaron’s reunion, had brought was torn away by the devastation in her husband's eyes just before he left the apartment.

Everytime they made progress, every step away from what Foyet had done to Aaron, to their family, it felt like they were thrown right back into it. Emily was exhausted. She missed the version of them that had existed before she had come home to find her husband missing and his blood staining their hardwood floor.

She wondered if they’d ever get the old them back, or if they would slowly build something better. Emily was hopeful that the move to the new house would help, that it would give them new foundations. Somehow even stronger than the ones they had before.

She’s finishing up getting ready for bed, pulling her pyjama shirt over her head, when she hears the front door open, and her husband’s familiar steps throughout the apartment. She hears their bedroom door open and close quickly. She takes a deep breath before she walks out of the ensuite and she sees him sat on the end of the bed, his head in his hands. She sits next to him, purposely keeping her hands to herself despite how much she wants to touch him, to assure him everything was ok. A slight clench in his jaw is the only indicator he has even registered that she's there. She waits him out, knowing he needs to process this himself before he’ll speak to her.

“I should have remembered.” He finally says, removing his head from his hands but not looking at her.

“Aaron-”

“Don’t.” He interrupts, finally looking at her. There are unshed tears in his eyes that make her heart ache. Thoughts about how she could find a way to bring George Foyet back to life just so she could kill him herself burning through her.

“Don’t what?”

“Tell me that it’s ok. Because it isn’t.” He shakes his head at himself. “I gave our little girl…” His voice falters and he clears his throat. “I gave her something that’s made her sick.”

“And so did I.” She reasons, and she grabs his hand. “For the first almost 5 months of her life she was getting it through my breast milk. You did it once. Give yourself a break.”

“I should have remembered.” He says, repeating himself.

“Baby.” She says, moving her hands to grasp his cheeks. “Please stop this. She’s going to be ok. She is ok. She’s fast asleep next door.” She leans her forehead against his, her thumbs stroking his cheeks. “We’re all ok.”

He starts to cry, sobs escaping him that he hadn’t set free since their ordeal had ended. Emily had been waiting for it as he processed everything at his own pace. She pulls him towards her, his head resting on her chest as she wraps her arms tightly around him, one hand in his hair as she presses fierce kisses to the top of his head.

“I’m right here.” She kisses the top of his head again, unsurprised when she can feel her own tears on her face. “You’re ok. I’m here.”

She comforts him like she does their children. With tender words and soft touches, the whispering of nonsense against his hair as he slowly calms. The grip he has on the back of her shirt loosens ever so slightly.

Aaron sniffs as he pulls back, a shaky smile on his face as she wipes his tears away with her thumbs.

“I’m sorry.” He apologies, his voice cracked and torn open by the months of repressed emotion he had let out against her skin.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” Emily says tenderly. “I’m your wife. This is what I’m here for.”

Amelia’s cry through the baby monitor visibly undoes some of the work she had done in calming him down, some tension returning to his shoulders. Emily kisses his cheek before she stands up.

“You get ready for bed, I’ll go see what's up with her.” She says just before leaving the room, crossing the hallway into the small bedroom serving as Amelia’s temporary nursery. Most of the baby's things are boxed up ready for the move to the new house. Emily smiles as she approaches the crib, Amelia already standing with her arms reaching out for her. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”

She picks up her daughter, settling her on her hip as she kisses the side of her head. Amelia almost immediately settles, her crying quietening down as she presses her face into her mother’s neck.

“You just wanted to cuddle, huh?” Emily says, pacing the small room. “I think your dad could do with a cuddle too.”

Emily walks back into their bedroom to find it empty, but the tap running in the ensuite calms any nerves that he had left again. She settles into bed and lays Amelia on her chest, the baby snuggling down, her fingers grasping at her mother’s shirt.

When Aaron leaves the ensuite he falters slightly at the sight in front of him. Emily catches it, the small hesitation before he climbs into bed. Amelia is already half asleep, the discomfort she had been in when Aaron last saw her gone, and Emily watches the tension leave him as he sees with his own eyes that the baby is ok.

“See, she’s fine.” Emily says, smiling at him as he lays down next to them.

He kisses the top of Amelia’s head, which makes her open her eyes. She reaches out for him and he carefully takes her to settle her against his own chest. Emily smiles as she moves to be closer to them, her head resting on Aaron’s chest next to their daughter. He presses a kiss to the top of his wifes head.

“My girls.”

“Yeah.” She replies. “Your girls.” ________________

April 2021

Aaron sighs in frustration as his phone rings, distracting him from his lesson plans. Emily often teased him for his interpretation of retirement, the profiling classes he taught at the academy taking up a fair amount of his time. He turns from his computer to pick up his cell phone, frowning when he sees a number he doesn’t recognise as he answers.

“An inmate at the Federal Correctional Institution in Otisville, New York is calling you, to accept the charges please press one.” An automated voice says through the phone.

The name of the prison makes him freeze, there is only one person he knew who was in prison in New York. He presses one and puts the phone back to his ear, waiting for the call to connect.

“Aaron?” He hears down the phone, the voice on the other end of the tinny line was unsure, nerves easily showing through.

“Sean?” ________________

The rest of the day goes by in a blur and the next thing he is truly aware of is the front door opening, Amelia and Theo bursting in, both of them animatedly talking about their days.

“Hi Dad.” Theo says as he passes through the kitchen where Aaron is sitting, grabbing a snack and leaving the room almost immediately. “I’ve got loads of homework, back in a bit.”

“Hi Theo.” He says, a small smile on his face as his ever studious 18 year old is already out of the room, his mind clearly on whatever work he was assigned that day.

“Dad, do we have any antacids?” Amelia asks as she joins him in the kitchen, grimacing as she walks in with her arms wrapped around her stomach.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?” He asks, frowning, pulling her into a quick hug she only protests slightly as she walks past.

“Yeah, just a bad stomach.”

Before he can ask any more questions the front door opens again, and Emily’s voice soon follows.

“Hi.”

“We’re in the kitchen, Em.”

She joins them, a wide smile on her face as she kisses his cheek.

“Everything ok?”

“Everything is fine.” Amelia answers far too quickly.

“Mills has a stomach ache.” Aaron says, and he can’t help but smirk at the way she narrows her eyes at him.

“Traitor.”

“Amelia.” Emily says, her hand gently grasping her daughter's chin to tilt her head, sighing when she sees the hives on her neck. “You had the cheese fries for lunch again didn’t you?”

The 12 year old sighs, knowing lying to her mother, to either of her parents, is pointless. “Yes.”

“Baby, you’re lactose intolerant.” Emily chastises as she tucks some of Amelia’s hair behind her ear.

“Mom, it's cheese fries. Totally worth it.”

Emily sighs, knowing that the slight grimace on her daughter's face is nothing to do with her rebuke, but the discomfort she knows she is in.

“There is some Pepto in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom. Go take some and go lie down.”

Amelia smiles gratefully and starts to make her way out of the room before she turns back. “I’m not going to find anything gross in there am I?”

“Amelia.”

“What?” She says, throwing her hands up. “I’ve caught you guys making out way too many times not to check. I’ve been burned before.”

Emily raises an eyebrow at her. “Go. Now.”

“I’m going.” Amelia says as she leaves the room, something a bit too close to a curse word muttered under her breath.

“That girl will be the death of me.” Emily says as she turns to Aaron, his silence throughout her exchange with their daughter, the lack of quips about how similar they were, now only striking her as odd as she takes in the look on his face. His gaze fixed in the distance, not focused on anything in particular. She frowns and takes a step closer to him, placing her hand over his on the counter. “Honey, are you ok?”

He looks at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Sean called me.”

Emily doesn’t cover her shock, her hand tightening over his. It had been years since they had heard from Sean. The supposed truce the brothers had come to in New York, when a rare family vacation had turned into a case, had fallen apart as soon as Sean was formally sentenced. Aaron had tried reaching out at the beginning, attempting to visit his brother, but it had always been radio silence on the other side.

Over time he stopped trying, his attempts at calling Sean getting further apart. His requests to go see him stopped. To anyone else it would look like Aaron had accepted it, that he simply was no longer going to be a part of his brother's life. Emily knew better than that.

“What?”

“He called from prison. He wants me to go see him.”

“Oh.” She replies, taking a second before she joins him at the kitchen island, linking their fingers together properly as she settles next to him on one of the stalls. “Are you ok?”

“I think so.” He answers, looking at her, uncertainty all over his face despite his answer. “No.”

Emily places her spare hand on his thigh. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to see him.”

She nods, squeezing his leg in comfort. “Then we’ll go.” She smiles when he turns to look at her, his brows furrowed.

“You don’t have to come with me, it’s fine. I know work is busy.”

“Aaron.” She replies firmly, leaving no room for argument as she moves her hand from his leg to cup his cheek. “I’m coming with you.”

“What about the kids?”

“We’ll be gone one night. Theo is sensible enough to look after Amelia, and Jack lives 20 minutes away if they need him.” She pulls him towards her for a kiss. “Stop arguing with me, it never gets you anywhere.”

His lips twitch, a brief smile taking over. “You think I would have learnt that by now.” _______________

It takes a couple of weeks for them to get things lined up, so that the quick trip to New York wouldn’t disrupt their day-to-day lives too drastically.

Amelia was unimpressed when they told her that Theo was in charge, rolling her eyes at the thought that she needed babysitting, but when they come to leave her attitude fades when she sees how stressed her father was, how on edge he seems as he checks they have everything before they set off on their drive.

She doesn’t remember her Uncle Sean, she had only met him once when she was 3, and she knew enough from what her brothers and parents had told her about that trip to New York to know why she had never seen him again. Another seemingly life changing moment they went through as a family that she had no memory of, relying on hearsay from her brothers and the toned down version she knew her parents told her.

“Please behave for your brother, Amelia.” Emily says as she hugs her daughter.

“I always behave.” She replies, rolling her eyes when she sees her mother raise her eyebrow. “Ok fine, I’ll be good.”

Aaron hugs her next, and Amelia doesn’t miss how he holds her a little tighter than usual. She hugs him back, smiling when he kisses her forehead as they pull apart.

She feels bad for her dad, knowing how much he values his family tells her how much it would hurt him to not be in touch with his brother. Amelia considers how it would feel to not be speaking to Jack or Theo, and despite how much they both annoy her frequently the idea makes her heart clench.

“Call if you need anything, ok?” Aaron says and Amelia nods before pulling him back into a hug.

“I love you, Daddy.” She says, using the moniker she dropped a couple years ago and it makes her chest fill with happiness when he smiles into the top of her head.

“Love you too, Amelia.” ________________

The drive is long, and quiet, and by the time they pull up to the prison Emily is grateful to see it. Aaron had insisted on driving and she’d let him, knowing it would ultimately be worse for him to not be occupied on the trip here. She was planning on taking over when they left for their drive back to the city, but she hadn’t mentioned it yet, knowing that he would already try and argue that point.

They get through security and are shown to the visiting room. They take a seat next to each other and Emily turns to him, trying to read her husband’s face.

“Are you ok?”

He chuckles. “Ask me later.”

A buzzer sounds and a door opens, prisoners walking out and greeting their family and friends. Towards the back is Sean. Emily thinks of the first time she met him. He wasn’t much older than Amelia was now, and already damaged by the things he had been exposed to in his young life. She remembers how he had been nervous around her, a crush on her that he barely concealed.

“Aaron, Emily.” He says as he makes it to the table. Aaron stands and hugs him, and then Emily does the same.

“Sean, how are you?” Aaron asks as they sit down.

“As good as I can be considering I’ve been here nearly 10 years.” He says, his eyes fixed on his brother. He looks at them both. “You guys have hardly changed. How are the kids?”

“I have a picture.” Aaron says, pulling out his wallet and removing the photo of his family that he keeps in there. It was taken on Emily and Theo’s birthday the year before, her 50th and his 18th, all five of them and Sara together and smiling. It was one of his favourites. He slides it across the table to let his brother look at it.

“Wow, they look grown up.”

“It’s been a long time.” Aaron says, the conversation stilted. The awkwardness cloying, making the air around the table feel thick.

“Jack is 28 now, and married. That’s his wife, Sara, in the picture with us” Emily says, trying to break the tension. “Theo is 18 and Amelia is 12.”

Aaron is staring at his brother, profiling him as he listens to Emily talk about the kids. He watches as she explains that Jack is a resident at Georgetown, and that Theo was going to Cornell in the fall. He watches as his brother listens to her stories about Amelia, their wild thing of a daughter who kept them both on their toes. He recognises his brother's expression, it’s one he perfected when they were young, a way to get what he wanted from their mother. It clicks in his head, and he wonders why he didn’t think of it sooner.

“What do you want Sean?” He asks, interrupting the conversation between his wife and brother.

“Aaron-” Emily begins to say, uncertainty in her voice.

“He wants something. That's why he asked me to come here.” He looks back at his brother, and Sean chuckles slightly.

“You don’t miss anything do you? I’m up for parole soon.” Sean explains. “My lawyer said it would be good to have someone upstanding talk at my hearing, and I don’t know anyone more upstanding than you.”

“You want me to talk at your parole hearing? That’s why you got in touch?”

Emily feels how tense her husband gets next to her, the disappointment he clearly feels at Sean only getting in touch because he needed something palpable. She grabs his hand under the table, providing the best support she can in the moment. He lightly squeezes her hand in a silent thank you.

“Yeah. I told my lawyer what you do for a living and he said it was perfect.” Sean says, missing the way his brother sighs, the brief closing of his eyes as he tries to cover his disappointment. “So will you?”

“Of course.” Aaron replies, clearing his throat as he does. “Get your lawyer to send me the details.” He turns to Emily. “Excuse me for a second.”

He gets up and walks towards the bathroom. Emily turns her attention back to her brother-in-law.

“Are you kidding me, Sean?” She says, exasperated.

“What?” Sean asks, his face screwed up in confusion.

“It’s been 9 years.” She explains. “9 years and you reach out because you want something.”

“It’s thanks to him that I’m in here in the first place.”

“You know that’s not true, Sean.” Emily implores, and she stares at him until he relents and nods. “He’ll do it for you because he’s your brother and he loves you. But when you get out you will work on your relationship with him. I won’t let you use him for this and then disappear from our lives again.”

“Are you...threatening me, Emily?” He asks, an eyebrow raised at her in a way that reminded her of Aaron.

“Very much so.” She says seriously, before she smiles. “I’d also like you to get to know my kids better.”

“I’d like that too.” ________________

When they get to their hotel in the city he barely looks around the suite they have for the night before he goes into the bathroom. Emily sighs as she puts her bag down and goes to the mini bar, grabbing a drink for each of them.

She feels his arms wrap around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did I ever tell you that you’re my favourite wife?”

‘I’m your only wife.” She chuckles, turning to give him his drink.

“That works out well then.” He leans down and kisses her. “Thank you for today.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” She cups his neck, and strokes her thumb over his jawline. “My place has always been by your side.” Emily kisses him quickly. “Lets go sit down.”

She leads him over to the couch in the room, leaning against him as they get comfortable. They sit in silence for a while, having their drinks whilst his fingers trail up and down her arm.

“I let him down.” Aaron says eventually, making Emily turn to look at him, a curious look on her face. “Sean. I’ve been letting him down since we were kids.”

“Honey, you know that's not true.”

“It is. I left when he was young, I left him in that house with the ghost of our father and our shell of a mother.” He says bitterly, throwing back the rest of his drink.

Emily stares at him for a second before she takes his glass out of hand and places it with hers on the table next to the couch. She settles herself over his lap, straddling him in a way that makes him raise an eyebrow and place his hands on her hips. She cups his face in both her hands.

“Listen to me, Aaron. You are not to blame for any of this. You were a kid yourself, Theo’s age, and you wanted to start your own life. You are not responsible for your parents and what they did or didn’t do. Or for the decisions that Sean has made that has led him to where he is.” She looks directly into his eyes, looking for some understanding or agreement. “Ok?”

“Ok.” He nods his agreement, and she can tell he isn’t completely convinced, but it’s enough to placate her for now.

She still wants to cheer him up, so she changes tactics, moving her hands so she’s cupping the back of his head instead before she leans down to kiss him. She presses herself closer to him, signalling her intent, she smiles against his lips when he pulls her closer, his grip on her hips tightening.

“Let's go to bed.” She says, slightly breathless as she pulls away.

“I like the way you think, Mrs Hotchner.”

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfic #hotchniss fanfiction #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #emily prentiss fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #family fluff #WTB Universe #ITSWM #Day-to-Day #they love each other #Amelia is a chaos demon change my mind #sorry for the delay on this one besties #my anxiety has been extra spicy lately

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VOID

Pairing: Jackson x female reader ft Yugyeom x female reader

Summary: Jackson ending it with you was supposed to be for the best, but instead it spirals you into a pit of unhappiness and bad luck. What happens when meeting someone new can't compare to what you've already had?

Genre: Angst / break up au / established relationship au / marriage au / fluff

Rating: 16+ (SFW)

Warnings: Heavy Angst / swearing / some depression and depressive thoughts

Word count: 6.1k

A/N: This is for the flight log project with @got7writerscollective​ the prompt was ‘The Journey’. This is also unedited because as last minute Ley strikes again I didn’t have time. Thank you to everyone from the net who read this and wrote their reactions to this in the channel, you guys made my heart super happy.

Meeting Jackson wasn't planned but it happened.

A shy glance from the table across from you and you knew he was interested. All it took was one smile and he was at your table asking to join you.

Your conversation, free and absorbed and never ending.

The late night dates for dinner or to the movies, with walks in the park watching the sunset fade and the inky sky take over as you stroll in the moonlight hand in hand.

The early morning coffee stops that made you smile as soon as your eyes opened and you wiped the sleep from them. Just knowing you would see his handsome face and be on the mercy of his playful banter.

Every moment you were together felt like home.

Falling for him wasn't your intention but it happened.

The silly things he would do to try and cheer you up when you were sad, even if he made himself look like a fool, he didn't care as long as you smiled.

The long, hot nights of steamy love making that always took your breath away, as he explored your body until he knew it better than you. Prying his name from your lips more than once during those pleasure filled nights. Never tiresome or boring.

The quick lunch dates when he made it to the top of his career, bringing him lunch when you knew he had no time to eat but he still made time for you, no matter how busy he was.

Something had clicked fairly early on and you knew he was the one you wanted to spend your life with.

You fell hard and fast, your feelings never fading in four years, your love and lust for him still in abundance and only growing day by day.

Now suddenly, everything you've built together so solidly, so secure, has come crumbling down in front of you from six words...

"I think we should end this."

They echo like a distant voice concaved in a tunnel of stone desperate to escape, like you are. You struggle to find the end, to see the light, to feel the relief of being out of that darkness.

You feel like your drowning, gasping for air, fighting your way to the surface. But which was it? How can you get there when his words are the ocean, smothering you with its liquid jaws.

"Why?" You squeak out, fighting the tears that desperately fight their way out.

His eyebrows knit together as he watches your face. "Because I cannot give you what you want."

You shake your head, lower lip trembling fiercely. "I can wait, it's ok, I'll wait." You hear the desperation in your voice and the sound makes you sick.

"Baby, I don't know when I'll be ready, I'm finally where I want to be in my career and I've got to work hard, long hours to stay here. There's no place for children. It's not fair to ask you to wait."

"Y-your not asking. I'm t-telling you, I'll wait." You whimper, tears spilling from your eyes.

He sighs and wipes your tears away, his own eyes glassy and bloodshot. "And what if I'm never ready? You have always told me how important being a mother is to you. I will not be the one to take that away from you. I can't. I need to let you go. To let you find someone who can give you the things I can't."

Your tears fall freely now, feeling hot on your cheeks but the trails quickly turning cold in the air. Your body shivers uncontrollably, blood feeling like ice in your veins.

"But I-I don't want anyone else." You argue, the sound is petty, hardly audible.

You're losing, you know it. He's slipping through your fingers no matter how much you try to grasp at him.

"I don't either, but I think this will be better for you in the long run. I don't want to lead you on a road of disappointment because of my selfishness." He plants a long, lingering kiss on your forehead. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Before walking away and out of the door.

You crumple, your cheek finding semblance against the cold, hard floor. That's it. He's gone. You're alone.

6 months later…

The letters on the newspaper practically fly out and slap you in the face. The gaping hole he left in your chest when he took your heart with him begins pulsing with fresh agony.

Your emotions rush at you all at once, coming up and escaping from your mouth and into the kitchen sink.

The emptiness of your stomach feeling heavy as a rock, weighing you down, urging you to greet the floor. Your legs wobble under your weight as silent tears fall, leaving clear splashes on the mahogany wood under your feet.

Why is this happening? How?

So many questions, so many thoughts swirl in your mind, deafening you.

You get up from your chair and shuffle weakly back to bed, unable to face anything today.

Your phone rings wildly but you ignore it, the sound growing more distant the more your thoughts and woes consume you. Your friends have probably seen the news, they'll be worrying. Let them.

Climbing under the duvet and hoping to forget the world as your tears fall, staining your pillow, you see the print inked on the back of your eyelids. Everytime you close your eyes, it's there mocking and tormenting you.

"Millionaire CEO Jackson Wang expecting first child with Swedish actress and model, Scarlett Borgsson."

The blanket of sadness you pull over yourself, reminding you how much you still love him. Meaning he's never truly gone and you will never be truly free.

He's moved on. You should too.

But right now all you can envision is his hands on her swollen belly.

A child with his smile and her eyes.

Your chest aches agonizingly beyond belief for one that’s so empty and useless.

For three weeks you stay locked away, ignoring the world, hardly sleeping and then sleeping too much. Hardly eating but then binging late at night, when you eat in an attempt to ignore the screaming inside your head and the pain piercing your ribcage.

You remember real life. Your job, money, bills, friends. And you pull yourself out of the dark void. The thick shadow that clings to you, constantly pulling you back, giving you the easy and very tempting option. But you fight it.

You shower and wash your hair. You attempt to eat normally but food doesn’t interest you, everything has lost its flavour, everything is bland, tasteless and black and white without him.

You sleep during the day and lie awake at night, attempting work on your sculptures, everything you create shows heartbreak, devastation and sadness. But it'll have to do.

A deadline for an exhibition is rapidly approaching and you need to get back to some semblance of normality. To think about something other than him. To be productive and to work.

3 months later…

You stroll around the room, watching as people critique and fathom your artwork, listening to the theories and stories they invent. This is the best part.

No one knows you created these pieces. You can go undiscovered and walk among people, no fake niceties or pleasantries, just honesty.

You feel happiness creeping into you, filling your empty places with a new fulfilment, one you haven't felt in so long.

It's the moment you hear a familiar voice that every part of you freezes.

Any emotion other than dread or heartbreak leaves your body instantly, running away leaving you empty again. Your blood turns to ice in your veins. GET OUT OF HERE! You scream to yourself, willing your feet to move but suddenly, they feel chained to the spot, your body betraying you.

You manage to turn towards your escape, his face entering your view and masking everything else.

Just as handsome, just as perfect as he was when he was yours. Dark hair swept back not a strand out of place, a flawless fitted suit that shows off every muscle and curve of his chiseled body.

You take a step to the doors with the bright red ‘EXIT’ above them but as soon as you move it's almost as if he senses it. His head snapping in your direction following your movement. His eyes lighting up for a moment the way they used to, a small glimmer of hope flares inside you, maybe he still loves you, maybe he realises this has all been a mistake.

Until, a swollen belly makes its way into your eyeline and it all comes crashing down like a thousand shards of glass, as a reminder where you belong. Wounded and bleeding with unreciprocated love.

You finally tear your eyes away from his to look at her. All slim legs and breasts, nipples braless and pointing aggressively at Jackson.

Her small, pregnant stomach is perfect; the envy of every expectant mother. A perfect set of teeth behind full lips smile at all of those around her.

Long blonde hair shimmering, strands reflecting the light as if purposefully trying to blind you.

You’re not good enough to even be looking at her, they tell you.

Something else glinting catches your attention and your eyes immediately travel to her left hand. On her boney ring finger sat a rock the size of a baby's fist, glaring at you, teasing you. Of course. The cherry on top of a fantastic year.

Jackson follows your gaze and when you meet his eyes again he stares at you with wide eyes and a sorrow brow. A hand outreached towards you.

A bitter taste in your mouth at his pity sends your feet pulling you away and out of the room. You’re out of those doors before you know it, cold air whipping at your face but you barely feel it. You’re numb, unable to form the energy to feel and yet feeling everything so deeply, all at once. You want to scream into the night sky. Wondering what it is you’ve done in a past life that was so awful to deserve this.

8 months later…

Meeting yugyeom wasn't planned but it happened.

An aspiring artist featured alongside you in one of your exhibitions. You got along instantly.

The first time in a long time holding a conversation or getting to know someone didn't feel like hard work.

You both ran in the same creators circle, you had a lot in common so naturally you become fast friends.

You weren't sure when it changed for you, when it became something slightly more, but you did know he was the sweetest, purest soul you'd met and you couldn't let him slip through your fingers.

Jackson still ran through your mind constantly of course, using you as his own personal treadmill. His face still haunting your dreams, memories still sneaking up on you when you least expect it.

You'd caught headlines about his baby or wedding but most of the time you avoided everything about him completely. Not wishing to know anything about his life, for fear the pain would return and your chest would open up and become the gaping,  black hole it used to be.

Yugyeom deserves your full attention and your whole heart, what was salvaged of it at least.

After he moves in with you it's all late nights cuddling on the sofa, early morning runs through the local park, dinner parties with friends and holidays to new destinations having adventures.

Yugyeom being with you means having your best friend around. He makes you feel safe and comforted, the wall of heat when you get home after a long day out in the cold. The blanket around you when watching your favourite movie. The bubbles that surround you in the bathtub when having a relaxing soak. He is your solace.

"Marry me." He whispers in your ear with his arms wrapped around your stomach.

You freeze, stirring the vegetables in the pan no longer matters once you hear those words.

A million thoughts race through your mind, one jumps out.

I thought it would be Jackson saying those words to me.

You catch it and toss it out the open window allowing it to be carried in the breeze. Jackson is married and has a child, he is gone.

Yugyeom stands behind you, cradling you and offers you his heart on a silver platter with all the trinkets.

No matter what expectation you had for your life before, you're on a new path now. A path that deserves a chance.

You turn in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck and bringing your lips to his, dancing in a mellow kiss.

"Is that a yes?" His mouth smiles against you, hands either side of your face, tucking hair behind your ears.

"Yes."

He beams at you, pulling a ring box out of his pocket and presenting it to you.

A large, gaudy diamond wrapped in a thin, gold band. None of your jewellery is gold, in fact, you detest it but this man has given you his heart, the least you can do is wear the ring he's bought.

He slides it on your finger. Looking down at your hand, you don't recognise it, it looks alien like it belongs to someone else. But you smile and kiss him until you're a tangled mess on the kitchen floor, dinner long burnt and forgotten.

9 months later…

You stand central to everyone, rows of packed seating behind you, eyes focused just on the two of you as you both recite your vows.

Looking around at the decorations you never would have picked, it's far too showy and glitzy for your taste but Yugyeom's mother had insisted, including what type of dress you should wear.

Not wanting to start a new life with atmosphere and anger, you opt with keeping your mouth shut and hoping for a quiet life.

She practically planned it all, even told you who your bridesmaids would be.

You sat there watching everyone around you move at a different speed, as if you were stuck in syrup and unable to catch up.

All you could do is watch, watch as your wedding and life was planned for you.

An alarm bell sounded in your head, screaming at you 'it's not right' but Yugyeom would come into view and give you a smile that would cloud all your fears and ease your worry.

Now the second alarm bell sounds as you stand here, on your wedding day, in a dress you hate, with Jackson's sweet smiling face staring back at you instead.

Somehow having replaced Yugyeom.

You look around frantically but no one else seems bothered by the silent exchange. Panic seizes your heart. This should not be what you're thinking of on this day. You blink furiously, shoving him out of your mind, willing him to disappear.

Yugyeom's face returns and you breathe a sigh of relief.

***

The ceremony is over. Husband and wife.

You greet everyone with their grins and cheers, finding yourself smiling with too much teeth, too much enthusiasm you don't feel inside.

Shouldn't you feel happier than this? You finally have a husband. You're finally somebody's wife. Why don't you have that instant feeling of completion? You should be jumping for joy right now. Instead you feel...normal, like you do on any other day. Maybe it just hasn't set in yet, maybe you just need a few days. So you wait. And wait. And wait.

That feeling doesn't come, not after your honeymoon in which you became restless, quickly realizing there is nothing else to do apart from lay on a beach and have sex.

Your busy mind grows louder, screaming at you, but you ignore it and swallow it down into the pit where it belongs.

Upon returning from your week in the sun, you settle quickly into a mundane routine together. Easy, calm and comforting. Some might say boring, some might even say mind numbingly dull.

But you continue on day to day…

"I want one." He says nodding towards the screen.

"What? A new tv?"

He laughs and points. "No, a baby."

You look up at the advert for nappies, a baby grinning with two little teeth protruding from his gum, big cheeks and a bald head.

Your heart stops, stutters then slams into your ribcage repeatedly. A baby. That's all you've wanted, a little version of yourself. A little bundle of joy to love unconditionally.

But is now the right time?

"Are you sure you don't want to wait a little while?"

"Wait for what? We're married, why waste time?" He clings to your hands enveloped in his.

He makes a good point. What are you waiting for?

You've already wasted enough time being with Jackson, hoping one day he'd be having this exact conversation with you.

Then spending your days after him wallowing in heartbreak and self pity.

You have the opportunity to live out your dreams with someone giving you the chance to, literally holding his hand out ready for you to take and walk the path with.

"Let's do it." You nod.

1 year later…

Your period is a week late.

You have been regular as clockwork since the day you started trying for a baby. Every month, the disappointment is undeniable when you see the crimson shade in your underwear. And every month you have to will yourself not to give up, to keep trying. Another month of ovulating tests, scheduled sex on precise days and times and legs in the air after, an attempt to help mother nature as much as you can.

Needless to say the excitement radiates off you in waves.

You rush home from work, pregnancy test in your bag, hardly able to contain yourself.

Yugyeom at the door, as excited as you, waiting and ready.

"Are you going to do it now?" He asks following your every footstep to the bathroom.

"Yes."

You shut the door and open the package, reading the instructions carefully. You'd drunk about a litre of water on the way home, your legs clenched together to stop you wetting yourself.

You sit down on the toilet and take a deep breath.

Once it's done you open the door for Yugyeom. Both of you sitting on the tiled floor staring up at the bright white stick resting on the sink. Gazing up at it like it holds all your answers, like suddenly life would make sense seeing those two red lines.

You've never realised how long two minutes is, you wring your hands nervously in your lap until he cups them in his, squeezing you reassuringly.

Your alarm goes off on your phone signalling the end of waiting and your heart pounds frantically in your chest.

He leans over and grabs the test.

"You ready?" He asks.

You take a breath and nod. Ready to see those two red lines. Ready to call your doctors and set up your appointments and scans. Ready to make a list of baby names and shop for all the necessities.

One line. Yugyeom shows you the test, with its mocking one line and your smile drops, so does your stomach. How? How could this be negative?

"Wait a minute, it says on here 'for the most accurate result use the first urine sample of the day as there will be a higher concentration of hCG.'" He looks over at you, a hesitant, optimistic smile plays across his mouth.

Yes. That's true. You cling onto that with every fibre of your being and agree to do the other test first thing in the morning.

***

As soon as your eyes open your mind is there, on that test in the bathroom. You climb enthusiastically out of bed, all traces of drowsiness vanish, as you tiptoe quietly to the bathroom.

If you do the test, then while you wait you can wake Yugyeom and you can both look at it together.

You quietly close the door and prepare the test, your fingers fumbling with excitement as you tear open the packet.

As you pull your underwear down, stick poised and ready, red catches your eye in your otherwise white bathroom. You look down, only to be greeted with your monthly agony, here to haunt you once more.

The test falls to the floor. It's useless now anyway. You're not pregnant, never was and likely never will be.

You let your head fall into your hands and let your misery wash over you. Tears stream down your face as dismay feels like it infects your soul with a never ending sadness.

A heavy cloud smothers you in a blanket of sorrow, choking the air from your lungs...you have no idea how long you stay in that bathroom before Yugyeom finds you. But you feel no better when he does and cradles you in his arms.

5 months later...

"When are you going to admit to yourself that it's not me you want?" His voice sounds into the silence and you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

The weekly fights he starts are almost timed like clockwork.

"What are you talking about?" You reply, continuing to type your ideas for your new art show.

"I've seen the way you look at Mark when you're working on your art pieces." He spits, slamming his drink down on the table.

This catches your attention. You close your laptop and swing your feet off the couch, heading over to the cupboard to pour yourself a Gin.

If you were going down this path, you needed a drink.

"Mark at the gallery?"

"Yes 'Mark at the gallery.'" He mocks you and you fight the urge to laugh.

"Dear, Mark is gay. I can assure you I look at him the same way I do all my other colleagues." You take a sip of your drink, eyes fixed on him.

He frowns for a moment then waves a hand in the air dismissing your statement. "I don't care about Mark."

"Then what do you care about Yugyeom, aside from starting fights with me?"

He stands abruptly from his seat, the wooden chair legs screeching across your wooden flooring making you wince.

"Do you ever ask yourself why I start these fights?" He shouts, a vein bulging in his neck.

"You start them because you like to get drunk on Friday's, and when you get drunk, you get mean." You say matter-of-factly, recalling all of the horrible things he's said to you lately, things you never thought could have come from his sweet mouth, things you won't forget.

His eyes pop in surprise as he's taken aback by your answer. "N-no," he sighs, returning to his chair, suddenly looking drunker than he seems. "I start fights because it feels like the only time I have your attention lately."

Guilt pangs inside you, pulling at your chest. You take a seat next to him and place your hand gently on top of his, the action feeling alien nowadays.

"I've had a hard time since we stopped trying for a baby." You admit.

"I never wanted to stop in the first place!" He yells, snatching his hand from yours. "That was your choice and you made it alone!"

"Because I can't keep putting myself through it! Can't you understand that?" You snap back, finally being open about your feelings, knowing it will only fall on deaf ears.

"I want children!"

"And you think I don't? I can't handle this pressure you put on me! You know my ovulation schedule more than I do."

"Because you never want to have sex anymore!"

"Because you've taken the fun out of it, it feels like a fucking chore! I'm not here for you to enter at your leisure to deposit your seed. What happened to spontaneity, romance, foreplay for god's sake? You're like a man possessed!" Your hands grip around the glass to stop them from trembling with anger. Finally being able to release the words that have been pent up inside you for the last five months.

Without a word he stands and walks to the front door, snatching his jacket up along the way. "I understand Jackson more now."

Hearing Yugyeom say his name, you freeze.

"Maybe he just knew you couldn't give him what he wanted." He says, looking over at you with watery, hate filled eyes before leaving, slamming the door behind him.

Your glass follows in an instant, smashing against the closed door, clear liquid and glass decorating the entrance to your apartment. Maybe you'll leave it there for him to step on when he comes home even drunker later.

An angry tear escapes as you sit here feeling trapped in your own home, wanting to be anywhere but here, anywhere but have to deal with your husband anymore tonight.

The word 'husband' feels foreign in your mind and on your tongue.

Nothing has felt right for the better part of eight months. You hardly talk to each other and when you do it's mostly fights and angry words spat or slurred in the other's direction. This is no way to live.

What you had given him of your damaged, used heart has slowly come back to you. With every alarm bell you hear ringing, every hurtful word sprayed in your direction, your heart has winced its way back to you. Putting up its own defense, from every barb that's thrown your way is turned into a wire fence, wrapping it in a sharp, pointed cage of protection.

***

Yugyeom doesn't show his face until the next afternoon, coming home looking rather sheepish.

"We need to talk." He says quietly.

The four words everyone dreads to hear.

You know what's coming, you've felt it for a while, it still doesn't ease the pain in your chest as you listen to his every word.

As you both apologise for your part in the break down of your short marriage, admitting maybe it was rushed from the start and accepting the fact that maybe you're not right for each other.

Two hours later and countless tears from the two of you, you both decide to call it a day. Even though you care deeply for each other, it's time to admit defeat. You have tried and given it your best shot.

"The worst part about this…" you say, wiping at your constant stream of tears. "I feel like i'm losing my best friend."

He pulls you into a tight, warm embrace, "hey, you are not losing me, I will always be here for you. We'll still see each other plenty at work events too. You can't get rid of me that easily."

You laugh, feeling thankful that you met him and thankful that you gave him a part of yourself, you had meant every word of your vows when you said them and you too would always be here for him. He'll always have a part of your heart to take with him, not that there's much left for yourself now.

2 months later….

A cup of morning coffee and reading the Sunday paper has become a routine you rather enjoy. You relax with your feet up on the dining table, crossed ankles.

You flick through anything that doesn't interest you, when a name catches your eye, drawing you to the headline.

"Jackson Wang scandal: Millionaire files for divorce from Scarlett Borgsson."

Your eyes pop. Scandal? What scandal?

You grab your phone and type his name into your search engine. You click on the first link and skim through.

"Model Scarlett Borgsson reportedly had an affair early on in the couple's relationship. An insider reveals she is now demanding a DNA test for their two year old little boy."

Your stomach drops as you click the next link.

"Jackson Wang revealed not to be Father of Scarlett Borgsson's son."

You read through story after story saying the same thing. How had you missed this?

You pick up your phone and dial the number to his office without even thinking.

You can't imagine how he feels right now, all you want to do is reach out and let him know he has someone he can talk to.

When the receptionist's voice sounds in your ear, you now doubt if he'd want that person to be you. You lose your nerve and hang up.

Your heart aches for him. Maybe it shouldn't but it does. No matter what he's done or how he's upset you, he does not deserve this.

You feel severe hate for that woman, thinking back to the last time you saw them both in the flesh.

The way she smiled arrogantly at everyone, as if they should all bend to her will with a flick of her hair or a swish of her hips.

Your stomach churns.

For the next few nights, your thoughts are consumed of Jackson as you toss and turn restlessly in bed. Maybe you'll gather the courage to speak to him…maybe not.

7 months later…

"You look good." Yugyeom says as you smooth down your pale blue dress.

"Thank you, so do you." You smile at him, looking at his impeccably tailored suit.

"It's nice to see you."

"Yes, it's been a while." You agree.

You do the usual catch up chit-chat until it dies down, he even introduces you to his date who seems like a very sweet and pleasant lady.

The newly wed couple enter the hall and cheers erupt all around, echoes bouncing off the wall. You cannot stop the grin that stretches across your face as you watch them take the centre of the floor for their first dance.

You'd known Jasmine since you were children, you'd always been inseparable. Your mothers were best friends growing up so naturally you spent a lot of time together.

Seeing her in the intricate, elegant wedding gown smiling up at her groom, elation in her eyes makes your heart smile. The joy you feel for her is stronger than most happiness you've felt for yourself.

Watching the sheer adoration in Jinyoung's eyes warms the deepest, darkest pit of your heart. They are so right for each other it's sickening.

You wonder briefly if you ever looked at Yugyeom like that and can collectively say 'no'. You two are the perfect example of two people almost forcing yourselves to be more than friends. You wouldn't change the time with him and you definitely learnt a lot from your marriage.

Jinyoung twirls her before bringing her back in close. You know him through Jackson, they had met at uni and become fast friends. As far as you were aware they remain that way.

But you haven't seen him here, not that you were hopeful he'd come.

The evening continues on, through dinner, speeches and finally opens up to the party.

The loud music pounds through you, realising you've had a little too much to drink you decide to step outside on the balcony and get some fresh air.

The gentle breeze skates across your skin leaving a delicate trail of goosebumps across your skin.

A jacket drapes your shoulders, an all too familiar scent intoxicating your senses, as your head snaps to the side to see him.

Jackson.

All this time you've thought about him and pictured him, your memory had not done him justice. He looks flawless, his hair swept back perfectly as usual, his smooth skin and unguarded eyes welcoming you. His soft lips stretch into a hesitant smile.

"I was hoping I'd see you."

Your heart flutters wildly in your chest making you feel light headed suddenly, although you don't show it. You take a breath and compose yourself.

"I wasn't sure if you'd come." You reply.

He takes his position next to you, shoulder brushing lightly against yours. How this man can still feel like home to you after all these years is mind boggling.

"I almost didn't. But Jinyoung told me you would be here as a bridesmaid and I couldn't stay away."

Your stomach flips dramatically at his words, large butterflies caged and desperate to escape.

"I'm sorry about your marriage." You say quickly.

He shrugs. "Thank you but I'm not."

You turn, raising a questioning eyebrow to him.

"She was not the person for me, let's put it that way."

"Why did you marry her then? 10 months after telling me that's not what you wanted." You jibe. You couldn't help it, anger threatening in the pit of your stomach at your same old reaction to him.

He sighs, hanging his head and rubbing his eyes. He looks tired, you hadn't noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

"I know, I know. That wasn't my plan. I meant what I said to you that day, every word." He looks behind you. "Can we sit?"

You follow his eyes to the ornate metal table and two chairs and nod.

Taking your seat with his jacket still draped around your shoulders stare out at the sunset, pinks and oranges streaming across the sky. When you look back at Jackson he's already watching you, his eyes soft but pained.

"I'm so sorry. For everything."

He means it, that much you can tell.

"It's in the past now."

"But I don't want it to be." He reaches across for your hands, holding them so tight his knuckles start going white. "There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you, that I haven't obsessed about that moment I let you go. I'd give anything to change it you know, anything, but I can't. I truly wanted you to find happiness and I thought I was doing the right thing by you, giving you a chance without me holding you back."

You laugh, the sound almost bitter. "And yet, happiness still eludes me."

His eyebrows knit together in sorrow. "When I met my ex wife, it was a casual thing, nothing more. When she told me she was pregnant my world changed overnight. I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was you. It was supposed to be you having my babies one day, not this woman. I wanted to run to you then but how would you ever want me?"

He brings your hands up to his face and rubs his cheek along your fingers.

"My mother pressured me into marrying her, told me how it would look for someone in my position, said I'd lose everything. So I proposed, the words tasted like ash in my mouth but it was done. Then when I saw you at your art show, I almost came over and ended it all right then and there. But when I saw the tears in your eyes I couldn't bear the thought I'd done that to you. I felt so ashamed and I knew it was over."

You want to comfort him, to reach out and cup his cheek but you resist, letting him finish what he's so desperate to say.

"Then I heard you got married and I was happy for you, truly, I thought maybe I had done the right thing by you after all. Then all this shit came out about the affair and everything collapsed around me. All I wanted was to talk to you, like we used to, those late night talks where we would really open up. God, I craved that."

You squeeze his hand and he straightens a little, seeming a bit less dejected.

"When Jinyoung told me you'd gotten a divorce I was shocked and felt responsible somehow. He seems like a good guy by the way, he gave me one hell of a lecture about not hurting you as soon as I walked in."

You laugh and look through the double doors to see Yugyeom watching the two of you intently as he moves side to side on the dance floor with his date.

"He is a good man. Just not the right one for me."

The hope in Jackson's eyes could not be more obvious.

"I have to ask you something." He says leaning forward on the table, the action creaking the old iron underneath the weight on his elbows. "Could we start again? I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I would like to try and earn it."

Mulling it over in your mind, you feel yourself nodding before your thoughts are even processed. But the resulting smile that lights up his face has you knowing your decision is not a mistake.

He leans in and strokes your face. "It's always been you."

Those words reiterating how you feel are like music to your soul. You feel at ease for the first time in a long time, your broken pieces mending and your heart more hopeful than it has been in a long time.

#got7writerscollective #flightlogproject #GOT7 fanfiction #got7 fanfic #got7 #jackson wang #got7 jackson wang #jackson #got7 jackson #got7 jackson fanfic #got7 jackson fanfiction #jackson angst #got7 angst #got7 yugyeom #yugyeom

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

#asexual #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes au #james bucky barnes #asexual!bucky barnes #asexual!Bucky #bucky x reader #Bucky barnes x Reader #winter soldier #lgbtqa #JTargaryen18s4K

[redxblueihateloveyou]

i'm curious, what are your top 10 favorite rinharu moments in high speed and high speed 2?? i love the books. i don't understand why people say is impossible to ship rinharu if you read them...

Lmao who are those “people”? As in multiple? And are they from Mars? I do not get this. You cannot be serious. You probably meant “impossible not to ship”?

I don’t know about top ten, I love all of their interractions tbh, they just remind me of my fav type of romance in general. I know what are my top 5 I think, but after that I love everything, so it’s hard to rate.

1. My absolutely favorite moment will forever be the one, where Rin describes the way he sees Haru in the water, I’m seriously forever in awe, because, I’ve read a lot of books, and like... even period dramas got nothing on Rin Matsuoka, when he describes the love of his life. I mean, seriously, find yourself a person who sees you the way Rin sees Haru lol

Rin felt like he was touched by the light, that surrounded him with warmth. He turned around to see Haruka, who was glowing. Shining. Haruka was shining with every strong and confident stroke that he made. The outstanding energy, emitted from him, surrounded Haruka with the dazzling light and Rin froze, unable to look away. Rin’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, that he forgot how to breathe. Haruka stole his heart. And the further away he got from him, the more distance grew between them, the more uneasy Rin felt, like he was losing the control over his emotions. He was possesed by Haruka’s shining. His strokes looked as if he was hugging the water, his leg movements were so effortless and so elegant, as if water herself was moving him to the finish line. But in all these deceptively smooth and unhurried motions were so much strength and power and such incredible speed, that all his opponents didn’t stand a chance. His swimming was that transcendent reality. He was like a bird dancing in the sky with its wings spread wide.”

Dude... I’m like... still speechless. I mean, and not just this, but everytime Rin talks about Haru, even when he jokes about his stupid habbits, you still feel that he finds him so beautiful, inside and outside, that it just makes my heart melt. 

2. When Aki tells Rin that if you put him and Haru together, you get a perfection. 

“That guy has no sense of humor. He should learn by watching me, don't you think?" Rin joked lightly.

Aki laughed a bit at his words. "It's true. Add the two of you together and divide by two, and it would be perfect."

But I mainly love that moment, because like... Aki starts telling him, that Haru is not what he's pretending to be (like for some idiots in the fandom who call him selfish, that was the explanation for them xD) and how everyone always want something from him, and he never asks for anything in return and doesn’t have anyone to lean on (yup that’s what I said all along, too, with Makoto’s dumb behavior in difficult situations, he’s on his own there lmao). And she waits for Rin to deny it or like be surprised, but it turned out that that’s exactly how Rin sees him and that he cracked him from the very beginning. BTW, here’s your addition to the ask about Rin loving Haru for who he is and seeing him for who he is. I’m just in love with that moment, because I’m happy that he just... not only he knows him, but bc he’s not one of those many idiots who just don’t get it.

"Nanase-kun seems like he can do anything all by himself, doesn't he? He's good at studying and sports and even art. He really can do anything, right? That's why everyone relies on him, but it would really be something for Nanase-kun to rely on anyone, wouldn't it?"

Rin certainly thought this was true. He had only just transferred, but the image that Rin had of Haruka was exactly that. But even if Haruka didn't have the will to go out and get involved with other people on his own, it wasn't like he was completely isolated. On the contrary, he was considered the most reliable person in their class, and when people relied on him, he always did his best to meet their expectations. This was the strange balance that people around Haruka had to maintain.

3. The one when Haru calls Rin by his name for the first time. And I honestly for some reason didn’t even realize that this moment was in the anime until my 3rd rewatch (lol), but, man, little Rin’s reaction is the most adorable ever. I cry.

4. When Gou meets Haru for the first time and immediately goes “ah so you’re Haruka Nanase, the one, who my brother talks about 24/7...‘Nanase is so cool, Nananse is so fast!’” and Rin just goes red lmfaaaaaooooo.

5. When Haru says that he feels the fever running through his body each time he just sees Rin, but he doesn’t understand what it means... ahem.... OH WELL

6. When Rin tells them he’s leaving and Haru gets absolutely furious and calls him a selfish jerk, but then he feels his legs giving out and he thinks that he needs to be in the water, but then he realizes, that for the first time in his life it won’t save him and he’s so lost and fucking crushed. "you can’t just mess up my whole life and leave me like that” and “this can’t be true, I can’t be this weak.” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fucking hellish angst... that mix of emotions was seriously hideous, at first he was so confused and in denial, he couldn’t even think, he literally went “who is leaving?” and then it just all blew up. Poor baby.

7. Just all the little moments, when Rin notices everything Haru does and falls in love a bit more each time. Like when Haru slowed down, when he saw that Nagisa is having troubles of keeping up with him.

Nagisa was earnestly trying to keep up with Haruka. If he kept up that pace, he wouldn't be able to run next to Haruka for the whole trip. That was how it had been yesterday. Nagisa's breath was coming short, and when Haruka saw him slow down a pace, he lightly turned his eyes downward. I guess that's as far as he goes.

A sigh mixed with Haruka's long breaths. Then, by just a tiny increment, Haruka let his pace slacken.

"Oh?" Rin said quietly. Haruka could almost hear him saying "You're so nice, Nanase," and he tsked inwardly. Nagisa caught up to him, smiling as if it hurt a bit. It looked like he'd lost the energy to keep talking.

Just cute, and they watched each other all the time, it’d be a bitch to count each one, but god, all of them were cute.

8. All the moments of Haru pulling Rin’s pigtails... hilarious, especially the RinRin one, but the funniest and my favorite was when Nagisa turned to Haru to ask him for a permision to call Rin Rin-Rin, like... all the rights to Rin belong to Haru and vice versa lmao I agree. “I’ll allow it” lolz shut it, Haru.

9. This moment: “Something happened inside of him that made Haruka incredibly angry, he was so pissed, that he didn’t even want to swim anymore. To think that someone like Rin could make him feel such powerful swirl of emotions and make him such a mess... he felt disgusted with himself.” Yeah, Haru, love is dat bitch when you’re 13 lol

10. The one where Haru whispers “sorry for making you feel that way” to Rin? The one where Rin’s grandma doesn’t want to go to see the relay, but then she suddenly does, when she finds out that her grandson’s future husband is in it? The “he at that moment realized that the only thing Rin was concerned about was Haruka” one? I don’t fucking know, you pick haha ANY MOMENT, ALL THE MOMENTS XD

______

BUT in all seriousness, I do not get how you can love Makoharu after the novels. Like do people just ignore these moments:

“Haru waved Makoto off like an annoying fly”, “feeling annoyed by his obnoxious care, Haruka went right past him”, “feeling like Makoto’s smile could turn into tears any second now, Haru turned away and went to the showers” (fuck this shit I’m out lmao), “complitely ignoring him, Haru kept walking”.

??????? is this... does anyone find this amazing??????!!!!!!!!!!!

Or when Haru was literally fucking losing it, cause Makoto just repeated everything after him and how he just lost all the respect in that moment.

“I feel like I should also get into running.” Makoto said it as it was a joke, but Haru knew for sure that it wasn’t. More than that, he knew, that Makoto was going to ask him that ever since the moment he found out that Haru was running this morning. Haruka fel annoyed, because he couldn’t find the excuse to refuse him.

Or this moment:

“Makoto was late and Haruka didn’t have any reasons to wait for him. Makoto can catch up with him on the way, they’ll meet at the swimming club either way. For both of them it’ll be better, if Haru went by himself, than stood there and waited Makoto, slowly losing his temper.”

“Haruka felt uncomfortable, cause Makoto looked at him, as if was a weak”

Or this:

"Did you know I was going to come out here?" Even though he knew it was impossible, Makoto couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Nope."

"Then, why…" are you standing in a place like this?

"Watching the sunset."

and I can go on and on and on

and the fishies... oh my fucking god, the fishies

***

I’m just saying, all these moments are not even funny. My point in all this, that like no matter how much Haru loves Makoto as a friend... or got used to him is what I personally think, I don’t think he’s ever gonna idk how to say this... respect him as a human being? admire him? And this whole situation... I just can’t appreciate such kind of relationships even in a friends way. 

1stly because Makoto’s behavior in general makes me have war flashbacks to some of my real life experiences (and yeah, I confess, it affected me and that’s why I don’t like his character a lot; because I don’t think many people know what it’s like to deal with these kind of people in general). 2ndly, cause Makoto fans keep trashing Haru and many call him selfish bc of the way he treats him, but what they don’t understand is that if it wasn’t for Haru being this harsh, Makoto would literally became even doormat-y than he is now (yes, it’s possible lmao). 

P.S. my favorite in the novels tbh is all the Haru “I’m surrounded by idiots” moments, like when they started to dig the frozen soil with little scrapes and he was looking at them like they’re morons and then just silently walked away and came back with a giant shovel... “if you keep doing this with your tiny scoopers, we’re gonna be here all night” and they then they just watched him as he did everything himself LMFAO I just love him so freaking much. I also think his relationship with Nagisa are incredible and so underrated, since it’s a huge and incredible part of the books. I just keep saying, Haru’d be an amazing dad, so I can’t wait for him and Rin to adopt xD

P.P.S. And what about the Free! novelization????!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #Free! #free! iwatobi swim club #free #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #sharkbait #Haru x Rin #rin x haru #did i not get something? wasn't the high speed a horrible thing for mh? #cause it seemed like that to me

[youremeimyou]

The Lesser Gods of Bangtanis(pt.3)

Introduction - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

pairings: Kim Taehyung x reader, Jeon Jungkook x reader, OT7(this fic is about all of the boys’ characters, not just ‘Y/Nxsomeone’ focused) genre: angst, fluff, comedy, adventure.. -fantasy au, medieval au, magic au, royal au word count: 3.9k warnings: psychic episode?(trance-like state)

Description: Princess Y/N, who holds the fate of her people on her shoulders arrives at the kingdom of Bangtanis, that is the home of our mighty heroes. What will the destiny of our heroes be, when she brings along a threat called dark magic and a little bit of love with her?

A/N: Back with pt3 after a long time.. I don’t wanna quit on this fic cuz I really like the story so I’ll try really hard to get motivated for the next parts as well(feedback really helps) Anyways, this part is actually just Y/N and Tae going on a fancy royal date. But of course with a little twist at the end. Enjoy!

Prince Taehyung arrived at the cottage and saw that there were two horses outside the door. He pet the horses and went in. As soon as he was inside, Y/N and Jungkook -who had obviously been discussing something, sitting closely on the sofa- immediately stopped talking and whipped their heads towards the door.

"You're back!" the princess mused. She didn't know why his return made her feel giddy inside.

"Seems like I'm interrupting." Taehyung replied coldly as he stared at Jungkook, who had already gotten up in order to leave.

"Of course not, my lord. In fact I was just leaving." The younger boy respectfully stated before walking to the door. "Have a good night, my lord. Sleep well, Y/N." And with that he went out, rendering the prince dumbfounded with the way he adressed the princess. That shy village boy just bid her goodnight in a very sincere way.

"So what are the news from the castle?" Y/N went closer to Taehyung and sat on a chair. But he was busy noticing the bread crumbs on the table. "Did you eat with Jungkook?" he asked without looking at her.

"Oh, Guk said his sister prepared something for him. He shared it with me."

"Guk, is it?" The prince was even more bothered than before. Since when were those two such good friends?

"Hm?" Y/N acted like she didn't catch the annoyed tone in his voice.

"Well I hope you enjoyed your little picnic. I'll have this lovely meal by myself, then." He took the food he brought from the castle out of his bag and placed them on plates. Y/N's eyes grew big, it looked delicious. "It's been a long while since we ate, though." she said while staring at the food Taehyung was enjoying. After a while, he pushed some of the plates in front of her, silently offering her to join. She smiled excitedly in return.

"So did you talk to the king? What did he say?" Y/N asked, her voice muffled because of the food.

"Yes. He said he'll announce his final decision tomorrow at the feast."

Y/N gulped down her last bite in shock. "Feast?!" She got up from her seat before continuing. "What feast?" Taehyung knew she'd protest to such an idea.

"The traditional welcoming feast. They're really strict about these things. It's in order to help the people feel as though things are okay, I guess." Taehyung also stood up and started cleaning the table from food crumbs. He was very calm, in contrast to Y/N.

"But things aren't okay! I want to know if-"

"Namjoon hyung is most likely to announce good news, like that he'll send reinforcements." Taehyung added as he organized the chairs around the table back in place.

Y/N's protests stopped immediately and her eyes started sparkling. "Really?"

"Yeah. After our last talk, he seemed to have finally made his mind that he'll help."

Hearing this made Y/N so happy that in a moment of excitement she leaped towards Taehyung, capturing him in a tight hug. He was surprised at first but then he wrapped his arms around her, too. After staying like that for some time, Y/N realized what she was doing and quickly retreated back.

"Sorry, I-" the princess cursed on the inside for blushing over something so simple. "I'm just really glad to hear that." And Taehyung understood her excitement. He too was glad. Almost like it was his own kingdom that would be saved. He gave her a warm smile.

"You have to appear at the feast tomorrow, though. Hyung wants to talk to you."

Even though the idea of a feast at a time like this felt absurd, Y/N knew kingdoms had to maintain traditions at rough times for their people's sake. So she nodded without any more complaints.

"But you can't make an appearance wearing these boy trousers of yours." Taehyung teased. She was wearing the same shirt and pants she wore the day she arrived in the city. Instead of the daily robes the prince had borrowed for her from Duchess Minji.

"Hey, I washed these yesterday. They're clean and presentable." Y/N never really was comfortable wearing dresses in daily life because she'd always be running around, sparring or horse riding.

"But they don't exactly match the dress code for a fancy event, do they?"

The princess rolled her eyes. "I don't have my luggage here-" she was interrupted by Taehyung clearing his throat and pointing at the side of the door where he put her luggage after carrying it here on his way back.

"You brought it.." Everytime he'd act thoughtful like this, it caught Y/N off guard.

"Still, you probably don't have anything fancy in there. So I also brought this." He handed her the fancy gown he bought from the royal tailor. A dark red night dress with delicate embroidery stitched around the neck cleavage. Even Y/N who didn't really like dresses thought it was beautiful. "I think this will fit you perfectly." Taehyung's mouth curved up to form his signiture smirk.

"Whatever, Prince Smug."

The next day Y/N woke up to find Taehyung already gone. He had left a note on the table that read,

"Be ready before sundown and don't go running off to Jungkook or anything. I'll come pick you up and take you to the castle."

She was planning to spar with Jungkook again, today. But after all the effort the prince seemed to be making for her and her cause, she decided to do as he said.

Sundown came by fast. Y/N had done her best to look her most presentable self but there was no sign of the prince. The princess couldn't wait to talk with King Namjoon, to thank him and discuss details. Her impatience growing every minute, she decided to wait outside. So that when he arrives, she could scold the prince immediately for being late. But.. Then he showed up, running down the forest path on his beautiful, radiant white horse.

He stopped in front of Y/N, wearing a confused look. "Why are you outside?" It took a moment for Y/N to register his words. Nobody could deny the prince's natural attractiveness. But in this graceful formal attire, he was a sight for sore eyes to say the least.

"I- you were-"

"Late, I know. I'm sorry. I was trying to look more presentable." He had to take a quick breath once he took in the way Y/N looked. "But- I would've tried harder if I knew you'd be looking like this."

The princess nervously blinked. Where were her words? Why couldn't she mutter them out? She hoped the darkness of the evening was hiding the slight red of her cheeks.

"I was definetely spot on again with your body measurements." Prince Smug was back with his endless teasing, which brought Y/N out of the daze she was in. "Well, you almost look like an actual prince like this." Taehyung lifted an eyebrow but Y/N added quickly. "I'm pretty sure it's the horse, though."

He rolled his eyes and held out his hand to help her get on the horse. Being always eager to prove her skills, she wouldn't have normally taken his hand. But since tonight was a special occasion, she decided to play the lady role a little better.

The royal ballroom was bigger than the one at the princess' castle. Decorations for the feast were wonderful and if it wasn't for the chaos that was going on back at her home, she could really enjoy attending this event.

Taehyung stopped her suddenly and pulled her to a corner outside of the hall. "I forgot- if anyone asks, you are a duchess that came with the princess. We should come up with a name, too." He kept listing female names he knew. It was quite a long list.

"I won't remember any of those. My double's name is Yuna. I can use that."

"Okay, Yuna it is. Just stay close to me, no one would be suspicious of someone I brought with me." He said and took Y/N's hand to place it softly on his arm. Then they entered the hall once again but this time the prince seemed even more graceful as they strolled inside.

Everyone expected him to sit beside the king and his advisors as he usually does. But instead, he pulled a seat away from where all the high ranking people were, helped the princess sit down and took the seat next to her for himself. All the attention in the room was focused on the two. Until Jung Hoseok started speaking.

"Thank you all for coming. Despite the unfortunate events that are occuring, we are grateful to have Princess Y/N and her company here with us. Let us all come together and support each other through these hard times."

A round of applause came from the crowd and then the king started talking. "Times are indeed hard for the curse of dark magic has returned." People gasped in terror. "But, it cannot be as strong as it used to be. And we as a kingdom that won't stand for cruelty, shall help our friends in overcoming this threat." Some people were surprised, some were afraid and some seemed to support the idea. But the princess was the happiest of all. Taehyung could see it all over her face.

Meals and drinks were served and there was music in the background. But after a while the music stopped. Only a drum roll could be heard. Y/N saw everyone turning their heads to the door in excitement. Then, the jester made an entrance. A man was throwing knives at him from the other side and he dodged every single one while elegantly dancing and twirling around. The princess was shocked. Was he crazy? One wrong move and he could easily be killed.

When he was done, the crowd gave him a standing ovation. But the jester kept the show going with more amazing moves, magic tricks and dance numbers. Y/N had never seen such an entertainment from a jester before, or from anyone.

The show finished and the jester took a seat next to Taehyung and Y/N after reciving another round of applause. Y/N turned to him. "That was.. How did you do all of those? Your performance was incredable!" Jimin smiled and blushed shyly, as if he didn't just make everyone in the room fall in love with him.

"We thank our jester who never ceases to impress us with new and unbelievable shows." Kim Seokjin said as he gathered the people's attention. "It is time however, for another type of entertainment. Princess Y/N, would you mind joining us for a rather fun tradition of ours?"

Taehyung had to hold Y/N's arm to stop her from getting up after the mention of her name. "Having a double is new for you, isn't it?" He was right. It was kind of hard getting used to it for Y/N. Her double on the other hand got up at once and walked towards the center of the hall. "Of course, it would be an honour." Thank god Yuna was a good actress.

"We usually have representitives of both kingdoms participate in something as an icebreaker and even cultural bonding. I thought you might represent yours and for us it could be.." Seokjin trailed off, searching around the room for a candidate. "Well, a prince would suit best for a princess so it shall be Prince Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung had been selected to put on a quick show like this many times, in many feasts with many princesses. Unsurprised, he went next to Yuna, Y/N’s double. But on the inside he wished he could be doing this with the actual princess, somehow.

“Excellent! As our guest of honour, you should choose what you’ll show the good people here, princess. Would you like to sing? Or dance?” Kim Seokjin asked excitedly while Yuna looked around, unsurely. “You can even throw some knives at him like earlier with the jester if you’d like.” Seokjin joked in a teasing tone and everyone laughed at his suggestion.

“I heard you were an actor, Prince Taehyung. I also love theatre, so.. perhaps a quick scene?”

Taehyung was surprised. Normally most would choose to have a dance with the tall, handsome prince. But it made sense as he thought more about it, since Yuna was already acting, even in that very moment. So he politely nodded and went next to Kim Seokjin who was still standing near his seat.

“Who is that lady standing over there by her lonesome?” he asked Seokjin, clearly in character. And Seokjin -another theatre artist- caught up quickly. “I know not, sir.”

Taehyung started walking slowly towards Yuna again. “Oh, she teaches torches how to burn bright. She stands out against the night. Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear. Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear. Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw true beauty till this night.”

While he said his lines, every women was shooting jealous stares at who they thought was the princess. But Taehyung’s attention was focused on the actual one, who was sitting behind her double. Which had left Y/N baffled. She quickly blamed the little vine she had, convincing herself the eye contact with the prince was an illusion of her mind.

Even Yuna, who happened to be a great actress was left speechless at Taehyung's performance and couldn't come up with a response. So the show ended quickly with the crowd applauding. Yuna and Taehyung went back to their seats after bowing to each other and the feast went on.

"I told you I was an actor, princess. How did you like my performance?" Taehyung asked Y/N in a low voice.

She responded as quietly. "You're lucky you were up there with Yuna. I would've chosen to throw knives." Taehyung faked a dramatic gasp and they both giggled. "Tell me Prince Romantic, which one of these lovely duchesses have you borrowed this dress from? I thought I'd be able to tell from the way she'd look at me but more than just one are sending me death stares." Y/N asked as she searched the hall with her eyes.

"I didn't borrow it. I had seen this dress in the royal tailor's chambers, once. He never sold it to any of the duchesses, claiming that it was a speacial piece of art."

"How did you get your hands on it, then?"

"I convinced him that this piece of art would be worn by someone no less than art, herself."

Y/N wasn't expecting such a compliment and therefore she was once more baffled and very much embarresed at her blushing cheeks. She wanted to not be speechless at his words but her mind couldn't come up with anything. Thankfully, King Namjoon interrupted.

“I don’t think I’ve met this fair lady you’re accompanying tonight, Taehyung?”

“Oh, my lord I’m sorry. This is Duchess Yuna who came with Princess Y/N.” the two played along, making sure people nearby would hear and not get suspicious. Then the king took a seat next to Y/N and began talking in a low voice. “My lady, I’m sorry for the inconvinience. You hide yourself while this whole feast was organized primarely for you.” The king seemed somehow intimidating to Y/N at first but now she could see the kind side of him.

“It’s alright, really. I’m just glad to have the chance to talk to you, my lord.”

“As I’ve said earlier, we are willing to help you. But I need to prepare my men before sending them out to fight the creatures of the night. They might be the best warriors in the realm but even they don’t know the terrors of dark magic.”

“Of course, I agree. And I have to add that I’m very thankful for your support.”

The king sincerely smiled and continued. “I’m still not sure if my reinforcements will be enough. What about your army?”

“They’re all locked in the dungeons. At least.. they were when I left.” The princess could feel sorrow bulding up inside her again at the thought of leaving. But there was no other choice. “If we can free them, they’ll be ready to fight.” And of course, if they’re not dead.

“I don’t think creatures of the night would kill them. Instead they’d want to use them to enhance their army. So, they’d be trying to break them.” The king said as if he read Y/N’s mind. But Y/N knew her people were strong minded. She could feel that there was still hope. “I know they’ll hold on until their last breath.” She said confidently.

“Then, we shall free them once we’re there.”

After discussing all of the details the king went back to his throne and a short while later, the feast came to an end. People one by one started to leave.

“I think we should also be heading back.” Taehyung whispered in Y/N’s ear. She nodded but before they could leave, Min Yoongi showed up, requesting to talk to the princess. Taehyung could tell he wanted to speak only with her so he went to find Jimin, leaving them alone.

“I hope the cottage is alright for you, princess. I know it’s not much but-”

“No! It’s more then enough Lord Yoongi. Thank you for allowing me to stay there.” Y/N really didn’t care for comfort in her situation. She was in fact glad to be out of sight.

“Listen, princess. I know the king has decided to send our men to help your kingdom. I want you to know I was against it.”

This came as a shock to Y/N.

“Not because I’m unsympathetic, but because I have exprience when it comes to dark magic.” His face became gloomy and his voice almost trembled as he spoke. “But the king would never go back on his word. We’ll face nightmares beyond your worst imaginations in order to save your land. So, I need to know if you're strong enough to make hard choices.”

What did he mean by that? Y/N couldn’t understand. But she knew one thing. “I don’t know what I’ll face but I assure you, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to save the people I love and care about. I hope that's a good enough answer for you.”

Min Yoongi nodded after staring her in the eyes for a while and left. Just as he was going, Taehyung came back with Jimin beside him. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah..”

Taehyung noticed the confusion on her face but decided to ask her about it when they get to the cottage, where they could speak freely. It was silent as him, Y/N and Jimin walked out of ballroom and into the hallway. Unable to bare the tension, Jimin decided to crack a couple of stupid jokes and comments about the night. Which eventually had Taehyung cackling and even the confused princess smiling. But then something happened.

Jimin suddenly collapsed to the ground. He was shaking and unconscious. There was no response as Taehyung and Y/N called out his name time after time, panic taking over them. His eyeballs had gone completely white and his pupils were gone. While Taehyung helplessly called for the guards, Jimin finally came out of it. Eyes going back to normal and his consciousness returning.

“Jimin! Are you alright? What happened? What-”

Y/N stopped Taehyung from yelling loudly. “Let’s just get him to the physician.”

With the guards’ help they carried him to the physician’s chambers quickly. After examining him carefully he shook his head from side to side in confusion. “There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him. Not physically, at least.”

“Are you absolutely sure, physician?” Taehyung’s tone was deadly serious. Not that it wasn’t obvious before but the extreme concern on his features showed Y/N clearly how much he really cared for his best friend.

“Yes, my lord. As always, he’s very healthy.”

Jimin tried to stand up but Taehyung stopped him from moving. “Not so fast, jester.”

“Taehyung you heard the phys-”

“I saw you back there and you were not alright, Jimin.”

Jimin gave up with a sigh. “Okay, I’ll tell you what’s going on. But we have to get out of here first.”

They got out of the room and went to Jimin’s chambers, all the while the prince cautiously watched the jester. They sat Jimin down and he started explaining.

“This isn’t the first time. I thought they were just nightmares but now-” he stopped himself. But Taehyung was impatient. “What? What do you see?” he asked.

Jimin hesitantly answered. “It’s always the same thing. You on your knees. And a blade run through your chest.” Neither Taehyung nor Y/N was expecting that.

“And there’s a man in front of you, looking down at you. It feels like I know him in the dream. But I can’t make him out when I wake up.”

Both Y/N and Taehyung were looking at him in complete shock and utter confusion. Jimin faked a smile. “It’s just a recurring dream, guys-”

“A dream you suddenly start to have going in a trance when a moment ago you were wide awake?” Y/N cut him off. “Jimin, you’re having visions.”

He laughed in disbelief. “I’m not an oracle, princess.”

“But you do have magic. I could tell from the moment I met you. You’re always subtle but I’ve spent time with many wizards, it didn’t escape my attention.”

“Wha-”

“Oh, come on. Do you deny always being able to tell when people lie? And you can tell exactly what people are thinking just by looking at them, can’t you? You’re a reader. It’s rare even amongst wizards but it’s obvious that’s what you are!”

It was silent for a moment. Y/N guessed Taehyung was trying to process all that new information.

“I always follow your hunches and you never turn out to be wrong. Thinking back to all of those moments, there literally isn’t a single time you weren’t right!” It looked like Taehyung was having a moment of clarity. But then he frowned. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I never thought it was magic, I swear! I always thought I had strong senses. That’s probably all there is to it anyway-”

“That morning you brought me and Y/N breakfast, you just came storming in. But I know for a fact that I locked the door the night before.”

And Jimin’s moment of clarity hit him right then. “I know. It was locked. I just wished it wouldn’t be and.. it wasn’t anymore.” he admitted. Both to them and to himself.

“And these visions are proof that your skill are improving-” Y/N tried to explain more but Jimin snapped at her. “No! They can’t be visions of the future that would mean that Taehyung-” he lowered his volume before continuing. “that he’s going to get fatally wounded.”

As if they didn’t have enough troubles at hand everything had gotten ten times more complicated. Taehyung made them promise not to speak of this anywhere for the time being, in order to protect Jimin’s identity as an unregistered wizard. And they all swore to trying to figure all of this out together as a team.

...

A/N: Soo yeah.. things are probably about to go downhill from now on. Though idk when it'll come out, pt4 is in my plans if anyone follows the series. The theatre piece is from Romeo and Juliet(with a few adjustments of mine to make it fit the story) because no way could I write an actual improv, way out of my league. Thank you if you read my thing and hope you enjoyed it :) pls stay at home, wash your hands and take good care of yourself.

#btsboulangerie #bts fanfic #bts imagines #taehyung imagine #taehyung fanfic #bts fanfiction #jungkook imagine #taehyung x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #bts ot7 #ot7 fanfic #bts royal au #bts royal #bts fantasy au #bts scenarios #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts medieval #myfics

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 4 - "the first one"

Season 6, episode 1 "The longest night" (at the end of the episode, when the team arrives to the couple's house where the unsub is - the "Prince of Darkness", and Morgan alone gets in)

I know I have just posted number 3 but hey, I felt productive, so...enjoy it while it lasts? I'm sure as hell gonna have a drop in creativity soon and won't be posting for like...weeks.

Also, it's a long-ish one, sorry ❤️ (? I guess? Maybe it's better for you). Note: I think I kept the unsub’s lines pretty much consistent with what he actually said in the show - the concept is the same, words might be different

Y'all this fucking episode...there was SO MUCH Moreid Angst potential...wasted. robbed. Ugh.

Read it on AO3

-------------

The team along with the police arrived to the home of the couple where the unsub was reported to be, after he let out of the car the little girl he had taken as a hostage.

It was melting hot and the sun was blinding, the bulletproof vests and the obvious anxiousness were surely not making any of it any easier.

Reid had been worried for Morgan all day long. After he was the first to find and succor him at detective Spicer's house in Santa Monica, the night before - where he was tied and kicked repeatedly by the unsub - Spencer wasn't sure he could think straight. But Derek was wired like that: if anybody doubted his capability to keep working efficiently even when hurt, they would get yelled at. Of course, Garcia and Reid got yelled at.

And he had only apologized to Garcia so far.

-

Just before getting in all together, they received a phone call. Spencer was too far to hear what it was about, but as soon as the local pd officer passed the phone to Derek, he gathered that the call was from the unsub. And that he wanted Morgan to deal with him personally.

"Wait- what's happening?" he nervously asked Prentiss, even though he knew exactly what was happening. He just wanted someone external to confirm that his theory was correct, and that he wasn't going batshit crazy.

"I think he wants Morgan to get in." Prentiss answered. Reid was so tense he didn't even register what she'd just said, even being the one who asked in the first place.

Morgan made a few steps ahead with Hotch right behind him. Reid's nerves started to untangle.

But then the man stopped and turned around to confront their team leader. Again: Spencer couldn't hear, but from the look on Derek's face, he seemed enraged just as much as confident in his ability to handle what he was walking into. Reid wasn’t equally confident in such thing, though.

Hotch nodded and stepped away.

"He- he's going in alone?? W- why isn't Hotch going with him? He cannot- Morgan! Morgan wait-" Spencer was about to run toward him, but Emily grabbed his arm strongly enough to keep him from getting any farther.

"Reid," she said softly.

"What?! Are we really going to watch him get killed? He's probably not even completely aware, he's hurt and he didn't even rest for a second like we all told him to do- and the MEDICS, too, I- I get that he doesn't wanna listen to me but at leas-"

"Reid, stop. You going in there is not gonna make things any better. You have to trust him." she reasoned, assertive.

Hotch, still a little far from them both, shot him a stern glare and shook his head, as if saying: "Don't. Let him go."

Spencer calmed down just enough to realize what Emily had just said. Was she intending that if he went in it would only get worse because he was the weak and clumsy one? Same old stuff. Was that excuse ever gonna stop being an argument to persuade him not to do things? Not to help people?

Spencer gave her a deadly glance.

"It's not about me. And it's not about trusting him- I don't trust the psychopath killer on a spree that's in there with Morgan, not Morgan. We should all go in with him, I- I don't understand why I'm the only one who cares, we are a team, right?? That's what you guys always tell me when I'm about to do stupid things or- or try to deal alone with matters that are bigger than me. So why are we purposely letting him go alone all of a sudden? That's EXACTLY what the unsub is waiting for." he explained rationally, but rattling on as fast as he did everytime he was convinced about something - which was...always.

He snatched his arm away from Emily's grip before she could reply with something that would only make him more mad, and quickly strode far from everyone, looking down at the ground while stripping off his bulletproof vest with twitchy fingers. He felt breathless, on the verge of crying and, at that point, even useless and on some measure mocked by his very team- his family.

-

When Reid screamed at him, Morgan obviously heard him. But in that moment, the anger he was feeling caused everything else to shift to a lower level of importance. Even his Spencer worrying about him - actually, it was especially the thought of his boyfriend worrying about him that Derek was trying to push back into a hidden corner of his head: he couldn't let the guilt of making him wait helplessly eat at him in that moment.

He kept walking toward the door. He just wanted to get over with that psychopath and run back in the arms of his lover, apologizing and letting him pet his neck while whispering forgiving words in his ear.

-

Once he entered the house, he heard the unsub talking to him.

"Over here, agent." he said.

Morgan slowly and cautiously walked toward the couple's bedroom, from where the disgustingly over-polite voice was coming, with his gun firmly pointed ahead.

When he got in, the two hostages were curled up on themselves on the floor; wrists, ankles and mouths duct-taped. The "Prince of Darkness" was sitting on the bed between them, denying the couple to even find comfort in each other's proximity; a gun in his hand.

And he was crying. Morgan wasn't sure if it was to try and make him pity him, or if he was actually feeling some kind of emotion besides...pure evil, if that can even be defined as an emotion.

"That's it. You have no way out." he said in an unwavering tone, approaching closer.

"You say?" the unsub laughed.

Morgan slowly but carefully lowered his firearm. "I'm not afraid of you."

"But they are." answered the man - though Derek was reluctant to deem him such - pointing at the two with his gun, making them squeak in fear.

"You see," he continued, still crying. "right after I killed my mother, she looked at me - I don't know if I was imagining it - but she looked at me with relief, sort of. Like I finally set her free."

Morgan scowled. He heated up and raised the gun toward him, again.

"That's what you think you were doing to those people? You thought that by killing them you were doing them a FAVOR?" he asked. The uncomfortable realization of knowing the answer to such question already, triggered in Derek's body the urge of vomiting from one second to another.

Both their guns were aiming right at each other’s heads now.

"Naah " the unsub replied; on his face a grimace akin to a smug, lopsided smile. He stood up from the mattress.

"I killed them because I decided they had to die. Just like...God." his self-complacent grin widened.

"You sick bastard." Morgan spat through gritted teeth, fire in his eyes, sweat drooling down his temples.

-

Two gun shots were fired. Everyone outside heard them.

Reid was suddenly like woken up from a dream - one that left him with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. His heart stopped for a fraction of second only to start pounding rapidly right after; his brain went blank, like static.

It didn't even cross his mind that everyone on the team along with the police were gonna go in anyway: he ran toward the house, forgetting to put on his vest; merely accompanied by his gun and the instinct to rescue the man he would’ve cut off all his limbs for.

Prentiss and Hotch screamed at him with all their breath, but in all honesty he couldn't have cared less. The voices of his two teammates sounded muffled to his ears, as if three layers of thick glass were separating them from him. He had this gut feeling that Derek had taken too much time in there to taste his revenge, and that's exactly what the guy was expecting from him, using it in his favor to hurt him or - more likely - kill him: he had NO intention nor interest in trusting those two again.

Both his thoughts and his steps were suddenly interrupted by someone who jumped in front of him and pressed a palm firmly on his chest: it was Rossi.

"You cannot go in there without vest, kiddo. We're going in."

"Then come with me, but I won't stand here doing nothing! What the hell are you guys waiting for?? I've seen no one moving for fuck 's sake- what, have you given up on him already??" Spencer yelped in response, his voice coming out way less steady than he'd wished to.

Their altercation was cut off by Emily's voice.

"...Reid..."

"What now??" he bit back, annoyed.

She was staring at the front door, pointing at something. Or someone.

Spencer turned around, hoping not to see the unsub, because that would’ve meant he’d got the better out of the two.

His heart stopped - again. His eyes filled up with tears. His bones shuddered.

-

Derek was there, right outside of the door, standing still. His bulletproof vest in one hand, his gun in the other. He looked physically and mentally drained out, breathing heavily as if trying not to pass out on the hardwood floor of the porch; but at the same time relieved that he could feel sensations and emotions again, instead of a continuous state of sheer rage and frustration, all the time: he could feel his eyes prickling with tears, his heart hammering in his ears, his skin cold-sweating from the breeze blowing hot and humid against it.

He was staring at Spencer and Spencer was staring back at him, but neither was making an effort to close the 30 ft distance separating them.

When Spencer saw him taking a few steps in his direction, he stilled. But then Derek froze in spot, as if suddenly realizing that his legs were crumbling under his weight, disabling him from getting more than a few feet ahead; ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be the "strong" one out of the two - out of them all.

JJ was watching from far away. Hotch, Prentiss and Rossi were standing, encircling Reid, like they were all waiting for him to do something, like they wanted to give him the privilege of going toward Morgan first.

Spencer got the hint. He absent-mindedly pulled away David's hand from his shoulder, and finally started walking forward, putting his gun away.

He didn't run. He didn't feel the need to do so: it was like the urge to go and "save" him was gone the moment he came out of the house and everybody saw him, alive, breathing.

Once he was right in front of him, he stared long and deep into his glossy eyes, immobilized. He didn't know what to tell him, and neither did Derek: there was nothing to say, they were feeling too much to think about the right words to speak, to give some sort of hierarchical order to the things they had to get off of their aching chests.

Derek could no longer keep his usual alpha-male show going. He dropped his vest and gun to the ground, falling on his knees with a thud, shedding his first tear since it all started. Nobody on the team had ever seen him that vulnerable - Spencer, on the other hand, was certainly not new to it.

He kneeled down as well, finally getting to wrap his boyfriend in his arms as tight as he could; dwelling on the unfounded, naive and anti-scientific conviction that he could keep his crumbling body whole only with his slim frame, hoping it could act as a glue to stick together the smithereens of Derek’s soul.

Derek hugged him back just as tight, forgetting that the same amount of strength that made him comfortable in Spencer's arms, could actually make it difficult for the skinny man to breathe, squeezed in a body twice as strong - albeit equally tall.

But neither of them cared, in that moment.

He buried his face in Spencer's neck, keeping at bay the volume of his choking sobs and probably soaking wet the collar of his shirt: hiding him from judgemental eyes was a small price Spencer was willing to pay, if it made Derek feel like he was finally allowed to find comfort in him.

Spencer closed his eyes, massaging the back of his neck; uncaring of the sensation of his skin melting from the heat imbuing the air surrounding them, only increased by the warmth of their hug.

-

Derek shifted a little.

"Kid I- I'm so sorry for treating you like crap in the past days..." he finally stuttered against Spencer's skin. He wasn't really expecting an answer: he knew that Spencer - and, to be honest, everyone else on the team - could not but agree on that, and that he’d probably already forgiven him, like they always did when they got mad at each other.

Derek kissed his temple.

"and I love you." he added, once he’d lifted his head just enough to reach Spencer’s ear.

He kissed his earlobe, risking to deafen him with the smacking sound - he could feel the man's muzzle scrunching at that.

"I swear to God I love you, Spencer, I love you so much."

He lowered his face, reclaiming his previous spot on Spencer’s neck, placing kisses on his damp skin - from sweat and tears.

"-love you, I love you, I loveyou-" he whispered in a loop, as if the more he said it, the higher the odds that Spencer’s body could absorb the concept.

Derek himself couldn't believe he was actually saying it out loud - not like that. He knew Spencer knew it, even by just demonstrating it - which was way more important and tangible. But that time he felt like he needed to actually voice it, and the fact that he told him so not that often, convinced Spencer more and more that the way Derek loved him was not the same way he loved the others on the team; each time the three words were repeated, again and again and again, like a gentle but forceful lullaby, wrecking down his wall of uncertainty.

"I know you do." Spencer interrupted Derek’s flowing of whispers, sniffling. "and you know I love you too."

-

Suddenly, he felt some kind of...drop, falling on his shoulder, sinking through the thin cotton of his shirt. He let go of Derek and looked at him: it wasn't the tears.

"Your cut is bleeding again...you should have known better than to just ask for a band-aid." he said, regaining a bit of composure while he cleaned the blood drooling from the other's brow with his thumb, careful not to touch the open scratch.

"It's just a cut." Derek shrugged, wiping off the tears from his face with the back of his hand.

"The ambulance is already here, you should go to the hospital so they can at least put a couple of stitches on it." Spencer insisted, playing the puppy-eye card.

Morgan sighed at how annoyingly and at the same time adorably caring Reid always acted when he was hurt. He resigned to stand up on his feet, prompting at the other to do the same, and they walked together toward one of the two ambulances.

Once they’d stepped out of their timeless, little bubble of emotions and tear-wet kisses and entanglement of limbs and whispered words; they both realized the only ones that had been looking at them for those few minutes were the policemen, mostly confused or even moved, but strangely not mocking: JJ was trying to shoo away some reporters, Hotch was on the phone - supposedly with Strauss or Garcia - Rossi and Prentiss were inside the house. All of them had probably seen the scene but were very good at hiding it.

-

Derek was sitting on the back of the ambulance. The medic hadn't arrived yet. Spencer was standing in front of him, trying to minimize the bleeding with a gauze, and more importantly to prevent any infections.

"I can do it alone, you know?" Derek told him, gazing at him with heart eyes.

"I don't care." Reid responded unbothered, concentrated on the task at hand.

He then removed the gauze from Morgan's cut, letting out a sigh.

"...I- I should stay here, you know? The team might need my help with some stuff." Spencer said in a tone full of resignation and apology, as he feigned to be studying attentively the bloody gauze in one hand, while the other rested on Derek's thigh.

Derek laughed good-heartedly at him. 

"What?? You thought you were coming with me? For some stitches? C'mon now pretty boy. They need you more than I do." He retorted convincingly, but in reality he needed him way more than anyone else did in that moment. He just didn't wanna be a burden.

Spencer slightly frowned at the idea that he wasn't even considering him coming with to the hospital as an option. He didn't argue though, letting the conversation fall in a short silence.

-

"...is anyone around?" Derek asked, lowering his voice.

Spencer squinted his eyes at him, confused. He backed up a little and checked: they were all pretty far away. The rear side of the ambulance, where they were, was facing the other way, so clearly everyone just saw the front of it. He got closer again.

"Uh, no? I think they're all-"

He couldn't finish the sentence because Derek - who perfectly knew no one was around and, even if there was someone, he didn't care - had already pulled him closer by grabbing his arm and pushed his lips against his, all of a sudden. Spencer's waist so thin that his strong arms could've wrapped around it twice.

Spencer was definitely caught off guard - just like most of the times Derek kissed him out of nowhere. One would think he'd got used to it, by that point.

Admittedly, he’d been meaning to kiss him since the second he saw him getting out of the house - which was half an hour before that. He just couldn't bring himself to do it, in front of at least 30 people. But now that he felt like he could, he cupped the back of Derek's neck with his hand, guiding his head as he pleased, in order to draw his mouth deeper into his.

Derek spread his thighs a few inches so that Spencer could come closer - like there was any space left between them.

He stopped all of a sudden, gasping for air, resting his forhead against Spencer's with his eyes still shut; an attempt of closing out whatever other sensation could distract him from relishing a few seconds longer in the sweet taste of Spencer’s mouth, still clinging onto his tongue.

-

"I wanted to do it as soon as I saw you." Derek broke the silence with his confession, distancing himself a little to look into Spencer's eyes; caramel specks brought out by the sunlight. 

"I had the gut feeling you were going to be the first one to look for me when I fired that shot. I knew it was gonna be you." he added, tucking an untamed, brunette curl behind his boyfriend’s ear.

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek, choosing to reply non-verbally by leaning closer and parting his lips again to lay another kiss on his - because, how could he not, after he said those things. 

But they heard footsteps approaching.

-

They quickly got away from each other. Reid's body suddenly remembered how hot it was outside, and that situation surely wasn't helping.

The medic along with Rossi appeared from the side of the ambulance.

"The bleeding stopped...plus, it looks very clean. Good job whoever did it!" she congratulated, after taking a quick look at Morgan's cut. Reid and him exchanged a knowing glance.

"Alright, we can go now, agent Morgan. We still have to stitch it up a little. Sorry if I kept you waiting." she apologized.

Derek kept his eyes on Spencer. 

"No problem." he answered briefly, trying to hide a smirk. He actually wanted to thank her for having given them the time to do...that.

-

While Morgan got inside with the medic and the ambulance left, Rossi stood silently next to Reid, with his hands in his pockets. He had clearly captured all the exchange of looks between the two. And Reid's messy hair, breathing rhythm and rumpled shirt were just a few other clues that they hadn't simply been talking.

"You guys know that we know. Right?" he finally put a halt to the awkward silence.

Spencer’s eyes remained glued to the ground, but widened instantly - as if he shouldn’t have expected such a comment, sooner or later...

"...I- I guess." he answered, not even bothering to make the effort of denying it, aware that it'd be useless. The blush he was trying to contain made him wonder if, maybe, he should've considered that option. Not that he was any good at lying.

Rossi snorted and patted Spencer’s shoulder. "I'm just happy you two have each other. We all are."

Reid finally raised his gaze from the tarmac to look at him with puppy eyes, without saying anything. What was there to say? Morgan and him had both been feeling like it was way more than just friendship since day one, even though they had actually been "dating" only for a year or so. It had to happen, it was clear to everyone on the team BUT them. Talk about being blindly in love.

David left the kid alone with his thoughts, strolling away toward Emily, who - Reid realized just then - had been grinning at them from afar all along, with her arms folded on her chest.

"I'm happy too" Spencer smiled to himself.

#criminal minds #moreid #shematthew #spencer reid #derek morgan #sperek #spencer reid x derek morgan #criminal minds season 6 #criminal minds 6x1 #bau #behavioral analysis unit #dr reid #aaron hotchner #hotch #david rossi #emily prentiss #m/m #moreid one shot #moreid fanfiction #moreid fanfic #moreid one shot 4 #cm tag

[furin-chwan]

LuTen fic recommendations: a few favorites.

So I spent the last month falling in love with LuTen, Yukten, Tencas, whatever you want to call it. I read through the Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yukhei | Lucas tag on AO3 in English, then doubled around to google translate all fics in languages that is not English because that is how much whipped I am for this pairing.

In the process, I discovered some gems that broke my heart, some healed my soul, some got me howling in laughters and some made me falling even deeper in love with LuTen.

Now that I’m pretty much up-to-date with the tag, I want to compile a short list of my All-Time-Favorites, Favorites, and Honorable mentions. I’ll try not to talk about the defails, so you don’t get spoiler and can enjoy it to the fullest. (I also want to say, I love reading things with Angst, but I mostly can’t stand if if it’s not Happy End. So there will be a couple that will hurt, as a warning)

This is gonna be lengthy since I ramble a lot! So I’ll keep it to top 3 and a few honorable mentions. They will all be completed works.

First off,

In Shades by the munchking.

This work. I cannot, CANNOT, recommend it enough. I have so much to say about it, but at the same time, I don’t know what really to say. It left me a broken, sobbing mess after reading it. I don’t think I was ever really the same anymore. This is truly one of the best work I have read, across all of the fandoms. There was a recess period where I cannot even think about it because it would hurt in the best way, but it was still too much. I love it with all my heart, so much that I was so sad after reading it, then so mad, then I now just re-read it every other day.

The characters, the world-building, the writings, they are just absolutely unparalleled. There is so much depths to everything, and everytime I read it, I would catch something about the story, the foreshadows, the tiny tibbits of brilliance that I never did before. I have this work always open on my phone browser, just so I can go back and quickly read it whenever the urge hits me. It has everything from angst, fluff, the smexy stuffs, the badass-ness, everything.

While I will quote the whole fic to find a favorite part, since it is that brilliant, I can’t do that hear because that’ll be spoilers, so here’s a snippet:

The trouble with love, Ten thinks, is that it blinds you. It’s the most powerful force in the world, and according to Ten’s first law of motion, objects in love tend to stay in love. Ten really doesn’t want to fight.

If I ever have to pick an absolute favorite Luten fic, it would HAVE to be this. This is bookmarked in my account as “All Time Favorite” tag with a “THIS ONE FUCKED ME UP, FUCK” in the note. So yes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926073

Next, we have

Eyes Closed to the Wreckage by caesiumlight

This is the first Luten fic that got an “All Time Favorite” tag from me. I have an immense weakness for Spies/Super Agents AUs and darker-tone AUs in general, so this hits home right on first ball throw. The thrill, the badass-ness, the tension. I live for this (especially when we got SuperM’s concept of suits and gadgets, super agents/spies/soldier looking photoshoots and trailer, I am weak okayy?)

I am in love with how Lucas is written in here. The characterization is well done, and the interactions between characters is also such a feast to dive in. And even though it was in Lucas’ perspective, we still get to see so much of Ten despite everything.

Favorite part

There’s a presence at his side suddenly, and Lucas is pulled into an embrace. Ten cradles him securely with one hand gripping his. He doesn’t say anything, only strokes the back of Lucas’ neck. Lucas shakes harder in relief, breath stuttering, because he doesn’t know if he’d be able to pull himself out of this black hole alone. Ten holds him until he has nothing left, no tears left to soak the bloodied ground.

I have re-read this work five times, and even translated it into Vietnamese. So you know how whipped I for them.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14311836

Then, it’s

I, who was chosen by love, begin to moonwalk by zimriya

I’m a simple fan who likes ABO verse, especially the old school Alpha/Omega pairing (hey, sometimes I just want to read the PWP). Then this work came at me with something completely different and hit me with substance not just style, and I was ended just like that. It breaks the norm for this type of setting, and I loved every second of it.

The ache in here is real, it doesn’t hurt like In Shades, but this one you feel a constant humming of the sweetest type of aches. But then it just... dissipate into this warmth of softness and love and it will be the best thing ever. Ten is also written differently in here than how most would portray him in other works which was interesting refreshing to see.

Even when the setting is not real, their troubles and thoughts still feel real, relatable, and believable, and I think that’s the best thing you can achieve in writing. And while it’s an installment of a larger series, it doesn’t make you feel like you are missing out on information, it feels full like a stand alone piece. (However I do recommend other installments of this series even though they are all in different pairings, Ten and Lucas do make pretty great cameos).

A couple part stood out to me, but this is one of my faves for sure:

like Yukhei didn’t worm his way in close to him like some sort of overgrown, over-dimpled weed, with bad manners and bad Mandarin and even worse ideas about personal space and how friends with benefits were even supposed to work. Like Yukhei wasn’t what he saw when he woke up more often than not, or the last thing in his sight before he fell asleep. Like he wasn’t the one who brought Ten coffee how he liked it and humored all his little issues with any and all fruits; taught him tiny bits of Cantonese like it was second nature and then turned around and acted like he was the worst at languages.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839893

That’s my top three most memorables! Now, here are some honorable mentions:

Stories no one believes in yet by umiwomitai

A very cute AU with good balance of humor, fluffs, and feelings. It is well written and I’d come back to this for a pick-me-up kind of moment.

“See, I may not look like Einstein, but I’m not stupid either. Xuxi is my dog, and you, though you might behave like one, are not a dog. Answer my question now,” he kicks the man in the thigh as he says so, earning a puppy look that makes him want to sigh in despair. What had he done to deserve this?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724677

I Regular by umiwomitai

This work is fascinating to me, it touches upon really interesting subjects (unlearning prejudices and biases) and has subtle but great the world-building. What stood out in this work for me is the great and believable character development. It’s definitely an emotional ride, but it’s a full filling one.

In the bright fake yellow light, Lucas’s hair appear more blond than brown and Ten wonders if it would feel just the same as his if he ran his hands through it. If it would hurt if he pulled. If it would curl back into place if he tried to style it differently.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24288823

The Cure to Insomnia by Daydreamgirl

Softest thing ever. Seriously whenever I’m sad or hurt from reading too much angst, this heals me. It’s very wholesome too. Very much recommended.

Lucas immediately looked away from his phone and looked up at Ten. Ten was satisfied. He was sure Kun usually had to call Lucas three times to get him away from the phone.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461449

signs of my vitamin U deficiency by sugarcoats

Fun, cute, smexy time with fruit-phobia Ten and personal trainer Lucas, there was a banana bj involved what more do I need to say.

Can’t quote anything from this one because I thought the summary is enough to hook you.

In which Ten is afraid of fruits and Lucas, his nutritionist, finds it worrisome but adorable.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18694945

the art of sales and falling in love by actuallyshua

Good old cat-and-dog style banter. Super charming writing. Bonus point with office AUs. It’s fun, it’s charming, it’s a gem.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20132332

And that’s it, my friends. That is my list of recommendations for LuTen.

I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did. If there’s any work you love that I haven’t mentioend the price, please don’t hesitate to let me know through asks, comments/mentions, or dms. Please check out the fics above and give them much love and support from us!

P.s: I didn’t mention in the list, it’s just because I assume everyone who knows LuTen have read through that series multiple time. If you haven’t, please do yourself a favor and go read it.

#luten #tencas #yukten #wong yukhei #ten lee #chittaphon leechaiyapornkul #wayv #lucas wong #superM #LUCAS #TEN #fic recs #fanfic recs #fic recommendation #nct #superm

[mygangtome]

Five BBCRH Things We Can’t Stop Talking About, and One We’d Really, Really Rather Not Ever Have Mentioned

You Knew This Was Coming

Okay. Okay, dear tumblr user, if I’m going to do this post, I’m going to need a drink [and someone to pay for said drink -Nell]. Hang on.

pictured: @nettlestonenell, left, and the author, right

Okay. Proceed.

There’s a lot to love about this show; the fact that we’re doing this day, thirteen years later, proves that the fans never shut up about it. But there are also things that we don’t talk about, things we deny ever happened, things that are, for whatever reason, collectively retconned. Whether it’s bad writing, or poor decisions, or a good story choice that just bums us out will always be up for debate. But what’s not up for debate is that they are incredibly angsty.

And we all know how Tumblr loves angst. 

[visual representation of the above condition. - Nell]

So hey, maybe this is the thing that’ll spur you to watch it. Maybe you’ve already watched it (in which case, WHY AM I STILL WRITING THESE) and we can all remember and grieve together; a sort of collective catharsis. But let’s take this moment, on the day we remember the outlaws, to remember the ones we lost along the way.

Here be so many, many spoilers. Cue the music.

I’m Not Being Funny, But This Isn’t Funny

pictured: i’m not sure i can do funny captions for this tbh [That’s okay, I’ve stopped reading since my brain fails to recognize this event as ever having happened, and I’ve actually blacked-out -Nell]

Oh, Allan, sweetheart, you deserved better than this.

If I’m being honest, many fans refuse to admit that any part of Season 3 happened - which is a shame, as it means that you miss out on Kate and her exceptional hairstyles, and David Harewood as Tuck, and most important of all, Toby Stephens as the best, hammiest, campest Prince John ever cast - due to What Happened At The End Of Season 2. More on that later. But even those brave folks who do enjoy Season 3 shrink at What Happened To Allan.

ALLAN: None of you? … Not one of you believes me?

A young man trudges through the forest, alone and afraid and abandoned. His friends are convinced he has betrayed them, due to scheming by the new sheriff - and aren’t they quick to jump to conclusions, suddenly? Nobody will take his word that he would die rather than betray them; angry and hurt and unwilling to stay here and be punished for a crime he didn’t commit, he escapes. In his attempt to get somewhere safe, he stumbles across something that could change the course of the battle - something Robin cannot possibly know.

Nobody would blame Allan, here and now, at the end of things, if he just left. Robin doesn’t trust him - why should he help Robin?

But he doesn’t. He turns, and he runs. His first thought is of his friends.

It is also his last thought.

Arrows fly over his head from a force we do not see. One hits him in the calf. He cries out in pain and staggers, but still he runs, desperate to save the gang. Another hits him in the shoulder, and still he runs. Then finally, one final arrow hits him in the small of the back, and he falls to the ground, gasping for air.

And still he tries. He crawls on his hands and knees, dragging his dying body - though he must know it is hopeless now. He is still crawling when a pair of boots step in front of him, and he looks up into the face of his killer.

ALLAN: You?

We do not get to see the moment of his death. He gets no final speech; no chance to say goodbye. We do not even know if is the arrows that kill him, or if it is a blow from Vaisey’s sword, or some other, crueler trick. We know simply that Allan died alone, and he died bravely.

And he died in the penultimate bloody episode. [Pretty sure that’s both a literal and idiomatic use of ‘bloody’, there. - Nell]

Now, this is supposed to be a day for celebrating Robin Hood, so I’ll hold back on my anger. Suffice to say - while his death saddens me, the manner of his death and how it is treated saddens me far more.

We don’t talk about Allan’s death. [Just try making a gifset about it and watch as no one reblogs it. - Nell]

We Were Fighters, And I’m Proud

pictured: i do love this dress [And yet it sends me looking for the lint roller everytime. - Nell]

Marian is, as I’ve said before, a hero. She is as much as a hero as Robin - she has been fighting for the common folk long before Robin even thought of camping in the woods and becoming a nuisance. She is kind and brave and strong, and she is stubborn and hotheaded and reckless. She shows love to everyone, even those who hurt her. And she will never, ever back down from a fight.

It makes sense, then, that she would die the same way she lived - but that doesn’t make us any happier about it.

A man - a king - lies bleeding on the ground in Jerusalem, at the mercy of a man in black, who advances on him with sword drawn. A young woman, clad all in white, her hair loose about her shoulders, screams his name, and stops him in his tracks. She throws herself in front of the king.

MARIAN: Stop! It’s over, Guy!

GUY: Get out of the way.

MARIAN: All of this time, I’ve been fighting for England. Do you think I’m going to let you kill England?

GUY screams in anger and slashes his sword towards her. She steps back, but remains in front of the king.

GUY: GET OUT OF THE WAY.

MARIAN: (defiant) You’ll have to kill me first.

The man bellows at her; he is mad with rage, and he tells her with fire in his eyes that she needs to stand aside so he can do his job, that he’s doing this so they can be together - that she needs to be a good woman, and let the men fight. And Marian - brave, brilliant Marian - laughs. Her face lights up as she thinks of the man she loves.

pictured: i can be your hero, baby

MARIAN: I would rather die than marry you, Guy. I’m going to marry Robin Hood. I love Robin Hood.

MARIAN laughs again, quietly, and looks proud.

I love Robin Hood.

And Guy of Gisborne stabs her in the stomach.

It is not important what Guy does after that, or what happens with the King. We don’t remember that. What we remember is the sound of Robin screaming her name as he watches her fall. We remember that the first thing she says when he cradles her in his arms is ‘Where’s the King?’, because her mission is the most important thing. We remember her realisation that this is a death sentence, and the look in her eyes as she learns that Djaq cannot save her. And we remember that she tells Robin to keep fighting.

The lovers wed, there on the dry earth of that town square with tears in their eyes, and they have their first kiss as man and wife. It’s beautiful, and powerful, and devastating. And Marian pulls out the sword, screams in pain, and she dies.

And for a lot of people, so does the show. [Frankly, Robin would also agree with this sentiment. - Nell]

Again, I’m not here to preach, or to hate on this show that we love so much. But if there’s one thing we’d like to forget, every one of us, it’s that the female lead was killed - and the two male leads got a big load of angst for the next series. Whether they intended it or not, there’s a term for that, and it’s not a complimentary one. And there’s also a fair amount to be said about the fact that the BBC broadcast this pre-watershed at Christmas time, and a lot of children were devastated.

These are not the only deaths in Robin Hood. [But] They are the ones that get ignored the most, because they’re generally considered to be the most unfair - not just upsetting, but genuinely wrong for the show. [It’s a show that] massacres the cast with tremendous enthusiasm - from Roy’s death in the first few episodes to the deaths of virtually everyone* [Dan Scarlett, my Templar husband, Carter - Nell] (Guy, the Sheriff, Isabella, and even Robin himself) in the finale. But as sad as all of those (well, most of those) were, they don’t get us the same way these two do. It certainly doesn’t help that Will and Djaq, two other fan favourites, disappear along with Marian.

There’s a lot of things we’ll never shut up about with Robin Hood. There’s a reason we love it.

But there’s a reason for all the fanfic.

Happy Robin Hood Awareness Day, one and all. May the year be kinder to us all than 1193 was to the outlaws.

I’ll have that drink now. [Oh, I’d started just after reading the header... - Nell]

#bbc robin hood #robin hood #robin hood bbc #my gang to me 2019 #bbcrh #season 2 #season 3 #lady marian #alan a dale #robin/marian #submission #tw:death #lots of it #actually #interestinggin

[opaledrobin]

it’s nearly  half  3 in the morning, have a ramble about mogai, comp het and abelism.

Part of what made  comp het so difficult for me to understand as a person with learning issues/disability is the added layer of how II’m simultaneously  told that as a woman(I’m Nonbinary but appear as a cis woman to the rest of the world due to closet and other issues.). That it s is normal for  women to love men and expected but at the same time because I am disabled, Particularly with a learning one no less.  I cannot actually  have sexual desire,  I am a delicate flower that cannot possibly  understand sexuality. That my -family-must be hyper  vigilant  in case predators prey on my vulnerabilities. Because all disabled people be it physically or mentally/learning-wise are high support and cannot possibly  understand grown-up things  like sexual desire or relationships.

So in between unpacking all of that internal  and external aleblism I had to slowly  learn the complexities that people just never taught to me. Which ironically  had I been in need of  just a bit more support would have put me -in- more danger of abuse due to their rather chaste and bare bones sex-ed in our school.

Thankfully  I’d the internet and I’m pretty quick to comprehend things due to being minimal support and in the highest class. (Who could even take GCSES, For those not in the uk/ni, GCSE’s are basically necessary  for college/uni and  allot of jobs and you study for them in high/secondary school.) So I quickly picked up that,  !oh hey I like girls” But I didn’t get until  recently.. as in at the ripe age of 28.  I didn’t have any attraction to men at all.

I’d boy friends, but all were long distance and I’d only met one  in person and  not long after words we broke up due to various factors.  mostly due to anxiety on my end.

Especially towards sex, I didn’t care for or want it. it sounded painful and  most guys either didn’t think it was possible for someone like me to be attractive or even feel attraction.

Not to mention that sadly, Yes are are people who pray or fetishize people like especially higher support ones. 

But I’d  convinced myself that I was attracted to men, when it came  clear that I didn’t even think about sex..to much. Rather then drawing to conclusion that it was because I was a lesbian who suffered a double whammy of ableism  and  comp het.  I thought, “Oh I’m just a biormantic asexual, It all makes sense from what I read!”.

(Before that revelation I’d id’ed as bisexual since I was about 14.possibly younger.)

I went through allot of angst,both gender and sexuality wise as  I realised there was so much that both schools and a society as a whole  tried to hide from  me because it’d be “too complex”.

But then I grew, more and more into an adult and  while, aside from some kink-scenes in my mind, i realised more and more that, especially in part thanks to tumblr-blogs here. (I was too old for MOGAI politics here.)

“Nah Robin you’re a lesbian.  You like women, you want a  strong, beautiful butch do naughty things to you and  whisper sweet nothings.

Your gaaaaaaay”

and it all clicked into place,  It wasn’t that I never cared about sex or asoroual. it was that nobody ever described it. Because  why would a disabled person need to know? or in some cases, completely unaware that i needed it explained at all.

Because  I had experienced arosucal and sexual attraction, more then once.

Everytime, either thanks to good ol’ masturbation or the fact that my gay-ass was focused on well, other women.

But nobody had bothered to actually explain what the feelings where, because  those with  disability, be it physical, mental or learning are desexualised, Regardless of the level of support they need.  Or in the case of the physically disabled, the sheer absurdity of the assumption  that they would suddenly loose their want  for  sex just because of their disability.

So between the narrative of Man + woman being the “only right way” and  that “disabled people cannot either consent/experience it full stop end of story.” my development into being a happy, comfortable disabled lesbian was hampered twofold.

I still untimely id as asexual and still feel it a valid, (if not exactly  LGBT in every flavour-fullstop but not the place or time.)  but I do admit that some of the ..less well-menaing questionable parts of the community it  my  personal disciveries more difficult  due sadly allot of  asexual heandcons also being a result of the characters..being exactly how  the media portrayals those like.  desexualised  child-like and  unable to grasp sexuality.

aaand that’s why we need to do better for those  that are low-support. Because if I had entered the internet during MOGAI-hell.  I kinda fear what would have happened.

#compulsory heterosexuality