#and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

straylightdream · 1 year

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crying over you - drowning in my tears in my bedroom

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: bang chan x f.reader

↳ even after a bad fight he’ll still come to you to protect you during a thunderstorm.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: established relationship

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst and crying

𝐚𝐧: I wrote this trying to get passed my writers block. I might write more short stories for the other boys. If you would like to join any of my Stray Kids taglist please fill out this form.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

You had another fight. This one was over something stupid and you were both very aware of it as you laid in separate rooms both replaying the fight over in your head. You were both way too stubborn to go and apologize. One of your biggest flaws was that you’re stubborn, and it didn’t help that he was just as stubborn as you.

In the last few months you had had a couple of big fights, but this felt like the biggest one you had ever had. You both said things knowing that they would cut deep and now you're both left broken over it. Your relationship wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows but you knew you loved Chan so you always fought to make things work. You always tried your hardest to fix things, even Chan tried his hardest, but you were starting to wonder if it was all worth it. Was going to sleep crying worth this relationship.

You laid in silence staring at the ceiling wanting to tell him you were sorry but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Tears slid down your cheek needing him more then you had ever needed him but you couldn’t get out of bed to admit it. Swallowing back tears, you wondered if he was even worth fighting for anymore. You loved him with all your heart but at that moment, you hated him too. Even during your other fights, you had never gone to bed in a separate room. You always managed to kiss and make up, but you felt like this time there might not be any more making up. There was a stabbing feeling in your chest that this might truly be the end of you and Chan. You weren’t ready for your relationship to be over, but you’re hurt.

A clash of thunder struck outside your window making you jump. You hated thunder and it scared you even as an adult. Normally Chan would hold you during thunderstorms to make you feel safe, but tonight you laid in an empty bed in your guest room.

Curling up under your blankets you prayed sleep would soon find you. Thunder shook the window and you held your eyes closed tightly. You wanted to get up and run to Chan but you were still too headstrong to do it. Even when you’re scared you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

The sound of the bedroom door opening caused you to open your eyes. The bed dipped down next to you and you stayed completely still, not even bothering to look over at him crawling into the bed. A strong arm went around your soft torso and pulled you against his body. Another clash of thunder caused you to shiver against him.

Tightening his grip on you he whispered, “it’s okay.”

Tears slid down your cheek at the fact he came to your rescue even after the last words you had said to him in the living room were yelling you hated him. Closing your eyes, you held onto his arm as the storm ragged on outside.

He wanted to say something else to you but at that moment, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even plan on going into your room until maybe the morning. He wasn’t even sure you could work it out after the fight you had, but when the thunder started shaking the windows he knew you shouldn’t be alone. Swallowing his pride, he went to the girl he loved who needed him.

“Do you still hate me?” he whispered, wanting to know if you were going to be okay.

Tears continued to fall as you shook your head. “I never did,” you said, speaking to him for the first time.

“I know we both said some things that cut deep, but just know I love you,” he whispered.

“Okay,” you whispered as tears continued to fall. You couldn’t bring yourself to say you loved him for some reason at that moment. It might have been because you were still hurt, but you ultimately did still love him.

“Let’s get some sleep and we’ll work this out in the morning,” he sighed before pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“Are you always going to love me? Even when we fight?” You whisper.

He’s silent for a moment and holds you tighter. “I’m always going to love you, even after we fight.”

“Okay that’s good, because I’m worried you’ll stop loving me after this.” There’s a tight feeling in your chest that maybe one day he’ll get tired of fighting with you and stop loving you.

“We’re gonna work on stopping these fights. I want us to be together forever and know arguing isn’t healthy, but we can work on that together.” There is another clash of thunder that shakes the window. Whimpering you grip his arm holding on to him tightly. “Baby girl, it's okay.”

“I love you, and I want us to work it out,” tears stream down your face as you tell him you love him.

Ever so gently he presses his lips to the back of your neck. Closing your eyes you push back your tears. “Baby stop crying, we’re gonna be okay. We’ll fix this,” he says between gentle kisses on the back of your neck.

“Okay.”

Thunder continued to shake your windows as the storm continued all night. Chan never left your side comforting you. When morning came he reminded you that he loves you and that he truly wants to work things out. You know you’re gonna have to fight to make things work, but it’s worth it because you love him.

#stray kids x reader #stray kids imagine #bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan angst #bang chan insert reader #bang chan fanfiction #stray kids insert reader #stray kids angst #stray kids fanficion #my writing #Chan writing

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bengiyo · 4 months

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Top 5 BL parent-child relationships?

I actually don't think we had a ton of parents this year, but some of them were good!

Gim and Gun in My School President

When I tell you I ugly cried when they were singing Let Me Tell You at Hot Wave and I thought that might be the last thing she ever saw of her son: was him being brave on stage and doing what he loved even as he worried about her. I'm literally tearing up right now just thinking about it. She showed up as soon as her son and his friends were in trouble and intimidated people into letting them go. The last lesson she tried to teach her son was to cherish the people who love you. I love her so much.

Photjanee and Tinn's Father in My School President

It takes a lot to recognize that you may have messed up with your kid, and even more to not interfere in their affairs when you're worried. She recognized that something she had done made her loving son not trust her with something important about himself, and she turned to her husband to figure that out. Then, when the crisis moment came and someone came for her son, she put herself right in front of the opposition and said "No, don't you ever touch my son ever again." She stood in the crowd and said, "Scream louder," for his first love. This dad always has his son's back, and will do the dad thing of nudging the stern mom to relent and let them have a little fun because he trusts his son.

Jim and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken

The hardest part about being an uncle who becomes a father is it's not something you planned. In Jim's case, he also lost his partner. Despite his poverty and his grief, Jim still gave Li Ming all of his best qualities. Li Ming is kind and thoughtful. He is righteous and stubborn. He values community. Nowhere else in this genre have we ever seen a father and son expressed like them. They are one of the most important things Aof has ever given us, and it doesn't surprise me that this is what we got out of his original work.

Shiro and His Parents in What Did You Eat Yesterday? 2

When Shiro told his father that his friend borrowed the character from his name and so the child is named Goro like him. He went on to say that he always regretted that he couldn't give them grandkids, but feels like he's done right by them by passing on what he learned from them, you could see something finally click between all of them and give them peace. Shiro's parents have not handled his queerness gracefully, and I've loved the slow work between all of them to do better by each other. Coming out of the painful barrier they put between them and Kenji in the movie, I like how much of this season was Shiro's parents undoing that.

Ueda Koji in Our Dining Table

This man lost his wife and now caring for a very young son with the help of his depressed adult son. No matter the grief he's carrying, he's continued to maintain his profession and provide for his sons. When he sees a kind stranger reignite his own son, he does everything he can to support that relationship, including physically throwing his own son out of the house to go reconcile. He gave Yutaka the kindest advice I've ever seen about going into love with your heart open and your mind clear, knowing that you will probably lose that love at some point. Incredible father figure of the year.

Ask Me Top 5 BL 2023 Anything

Wow, congratulations, anon. You are the first person to make me cry as I answered all of these questions.

#answered #best of bl 2023 #our dining table #my school president #moonlight chicken #what did you eat yesterday?#kinou nani tabeta #bokura no shokutaku

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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Am I (33, f) the asshole for bringing up a childhood story that made my cousin (36, f) uncomfortable in front of others?

Obviously based on the title alone, I'm an asshole, but I think I might be justified and would like a second opinion.... thanks!

So a little back story for context....I love my cousin. I truly do. We all grew up together so all of us are more like sisters than cousins. my cousin is beautiful, loud, and boisterous. She's loves to get attention and will try to get it anywhere she can. She posts on FB multiple times a day about her job, kids, or relationship. She's the golden child and she tries her hardest to live up to that reputation. She's the type of person who will get out of her car after a good song dancing and singing at the top of her lungs, especially if there are other people around to watch her, much to her kids dismay lol. She just knows how to have a good time and I honestly love that about her. I tend to be more reserved and relaxed, so I get a kick out of our differences.

But with that, she tends to be.... disingenuous... when someone steals the spot light from her, even when it's unintentional (which is the majority of the time, like they will just be sharing a story from work or something). She will act unbothered by it, but then her attitude will totally change. she will be fake nice and then bring up something that will make the person either embarrassed or want to retreat... then go right back to being content when the attention is back on her again. She does it so often, I kind of expect it to happen every time we hang out.

So here's the part where I may be the asshole... we're at a playzone for one of our other cousins kids' birthday and we're in a good handful sized group of adults chit chatting. A few people I've never met before but she knows them and we were all getting along just fine.

People tend to naturally be drawn to me because I try to be open and get along with most people, so I've been on the receiving end of my cousin's attitude a handful of times and this was one of those times lol. I'm typically not bothered by it because I'm a pretty confident person for the most part and I know my cousin well enough not to take it personally, but this time annoyed me because this is now the 5th time she's bringing this story up. It was like she didn't get the reaction out of me that she wanted the first 4 times, so now she really needed to land it this time. So I gave her a reaction....

A few minutes before I was sharing a story that the others were impressed by, I guess, but we moved on from it and I didn't think any more of it. Then while we were all talking, I believe I excused myself because I let out a small burp. So she goes, loudly so the group can hear, "do you remember when you were 6 and you were crying to your dad because your butt was itchy and you wanted him to scratch it? I don't know why, but your burp reminded me of that". So I'm like "ok? So?" Kids cry for stupid shit all the time and I was a stupid kid lmao. So I brushed it off but she decided to keep pushing it! And was like "yeah you were crying because you didn't want to scratch your ass and you sat there crying until it went away"

I was and still am unbothered by the story she brought up but I was more than a bit annoyed that she wouldnt let it go, so without much thinking I said "no I don't remember that as clearly as you do.... But I do remember my sister slapping the fuck out of you for saying something racist (we're half Asian) and out of pocket. Then you cried to your mama then she told your mom that you were lucky that all you got was a slap to the face... do you remember that?" She went ghost white, looked around the group and said "family is funny like that, huh?"

So am I the asshole for bringing up a story that made my cousin uncomfortable?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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marvelmaniac715 · 1 year

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It’s another au! This one is about everyone’s favourite traumatised six year old: Andy Barclay! And this fic actually features Karen, and I’m looking forward to that because I haven’t really written about her before.

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At the age of six, Andy Barclay changed. Up until that point, he was a polite, happy, well-behaved little boy who got along with everybody. But seemingly overnight, the laughter and smiles disappeared, replaced by suspicious glares and cruel smirks.

His mother took it the hardest. For years, she had a wonderful relationship with her son, but not long after he got that damned Good Guy doll… Karen had lost her sweet little boy forever. Now he cursed, he stole, he tried to smoke, she even caught him beating up other kids once or twice.

It only got worse as he grew older, by the age of eleven Andy Barclay was an absolute menace. Sometimes Karen feared him, the child had no remorse and no mercy, if you annoyed him even slightly, he’d punch you, bite you and verbally assault you until you felt like crying. And he took such delight in it too.

One day, Andy brought home a woman called Tiffany Valentine. He was very mad when Karen kicked her out and slammed the door.

When Karen could take it no more, she pulled Andy aside roughly by the arm and shook him.

“Alright, who are you?”

At first Andy blinked innocently, trying to seem confused.

“Huh? Mom, I’m Andy.”

Karen shook her head.

“No, my son was nothing like you. You- whatever you are- took over my little boy’s body when he was six years old, and all I want to know is who are you?”

The boy grinned and cackled.

“Satan.”

No, that wasn’t it. That would be too obvious. This was someone else, but who? Karen shook him again, growing more irritated.

“Cut the crap. Who are you?”

Genuinely frightened (even if momentarily) the person in front of her backed up slightly and raised their hands in surrender.

“Alright, alright, geez! Calm down lady, I’ll tell you. My real name is Charles Lee Ray, but my friends call me Chucky.”

Karen gasped in horror. The Lakeshore Strangler had possessed her son? But how? She was so shocked that she backed into a shelf, knocking various pieces of cutlery to the ground.

“How did you possess Andy?”

Chucky smirked.

“Voodoo is a wonderful thing, you can do anything through the power of Damballa. Your son was a very willing host, I was in that little doll you gave him for his birthday. All I had to do was convince him that his daddy sent me to Earth to play with him and he was putty in my hands.”

Karen began to cry now. This was all her fault… she had doomed her son just because she wanted to give him the perfect birthday. As if trying to alleviate the tension (or add to Karen’s suffering, who knows) Chucky casually remarked:

“He asks about you all the time. I’m not a monster, I let him float close to the surface quite a lot, but I can’t bear to lose control of this vessel, so he won’t be taking control anytime soon. He told me to tell you that he loves you though, if that’s any consolation.”

Filled with a sudden, furious fire, Karen exclaimed:

“I’m not letting you have him any longer! I’ll find help, I don’t know how or where, but god knows I won’t stop until you’re out of there-‘

“And what makes you think I can’t stop you?”

Karen snorted.

“You have the strength and power of an eleven year old, you can’t stop a grown adult, small fry.”

That’s when Chucky backed away a little bit further, widening his eyes that were now glistening with tears and shielding his face with his hands. Then, in a heartbreaking voice, he called out:

“No- Mommy, please stop! It hurts- please stop!”

He had her there. If he pretended to be abused he could get himself taken away, then Karen would be powerless and would never be able to see her son again. Admitting defeat, she sighed and asked:

“So what do you want me to do then?”

Shaking off the whole ‘frightened’ act, Chucky crossed his arms and said:

“Well, you’re a mother, and mothers are supposed to support their children. I may not be your biological son, but I’m in his body, so by all technicality we’re family. Now, move your ass, I gotta get to soccer practice.”

————————————————————-

That evening, as the monster that was possessing her son went to bed, it suddenly struck Karen that Andy could possibly gain control whilst his body was asleep, or at least be able to hear things around him. With that in mind, she crept into her son’s bedroom and gently stroked hair out of her little boy’s eyes before quietly whispering:

“Andy? Can you hear me? It’s Mommy. Listen, I’m so sorry that I got you into this mess, and I promise that I’ll get him out of you. Goodnight baby, I love you.”

It seemed like a foolish hope, but just as she stood to leave the room, she heard a timid voice (warm and kind, not like him) whisper:

“G’night, Momma, please get him out soon…”

#chucky #chucky series #childs play #bride of chucky #charles lee ray #karen barclay #andy barclay #tiffany valentine #au #horror #fanfiction

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enabi-seira · 4 months

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I would love to hear your songs for number 9, 10 and 19 :)

Then let's see what songs come to mind :)

9: A song that makes you happy

To The Bone by Chris Leamy

youtube

The rhythm is perfect for my walks and it always brights my mood. One of the songs that give me energy.

10: A song that makes you sad

Pierrot (ピエロ) by KEI

It tells the story of a clown that acts like everything is alright and a kid that sees right through the lies. With this video, it can be interpreted as the inner child of the clown that speaks to the adult one, telling that everything will be fine. Personaly, if I pay close attention to the lyrics it always makes me cry.

(there are a couple Vocaloid songs that make me feel this way too, but I chose this one because the others may need some trigger warnins)

I don't know Japanese, so here's a video with English subtitles:

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19:A song that makes you think about life

This one was the hardest! Songs usually make me think about myself, about relationships, and about society, but not about life on itself. So I'm not entirely sure if this can even apply.

Hotel Walls by Smith & Thell

I'm not religious, but I see the appeal of having to answer to someone when everything ends. So for me it's more like making your life count for when the time comes and you have to answer to your own self, to look back and ponder whether it was a life good enough lived.

Don't know if it makes sense... This is something I don't think about often.

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#music asks #thanks for your interest <3 #i wonder how many songs from my playlist fall under those themes... too many songs to know xD

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starlight-shades · 7 months

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tag gamerules: favorite: movie, hobby, animal, character, color, place, season, album, food

movie: I'm one of those people who doesn't have just one favorite anything. But I tend to rewatch Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron every now and then (it was def my fave for a bit when I was a kid). I used to make my dad watch it with me whenever he stayed home to watch me when I was sick.

hobby: Does drawing count when it's what I went to school for? If not, I'll go with reading. Love a good bit of escapism. I love storytelling more generally in all sorts of forms (i.e. movies, TV, games, etc), but reading was definitely what got me started. Recently I've been reading a lot of fanfiction. Last year I kept track of all the books I read and I ended up with the insane number of 534 books read.

animal: I'm a big fan of hyenas. This is another one where I don't have just one favorite, but hyenas are where I'm sitting right now. I think that they're really neat for a variety of reasons. They're matriarchal which is super cool, and they were used in medieval bestiaries as a sort of example of sexual deviance because they were believed to be hermaphroditic (they aren't, the females just have external vaginal canals that look like a penis- it makes giving birth as difficult as you think it does). I think they're a really cool example of how nature doesn't give a fuck about human ideas of how sexual dimorphism (and subsequently gender) should work. I tend to gravitate towards animals that media tends to use as shorthand for evil bc I think it's lazy and irresponsible (I also love sharks).

character: Ghost. I do too much projecting for it not to be him. I'm deep in my COD era (this is a COD blog after all). He's just this big beefy man who is deeply traumatized and has trouble trusting people and developing deep relationships. What's not to love?

color: It's maroon. It is maroon, it has been maroon, it will always be maroon. IDC that I surround myself with pastels. If it has to be one color and not a palette, it's maroon.

place: the aquarium <3. It's just so calming (when the children are not screaming, but we listen to the children scream because they're excited and it's good for them and we're an adult and can wait until they move on so we can watch the fish in the quiet). Every now and then I'll take a day in the middle of the week when school is in session to go to the aquarium or the zoo by myself. I like watching the animals, and I don't feel bad about sitting and drawing them for like 30+ minutes when there aren't any other people who's view I'm blocking.

season: spring. When it's easiest to spend time outside. It's not too hot, and if it's chilly I can throw on a sweater. I like sitting outside in the afternoon sun and reading poetry out loud. Makes me feel like a fairy.

album: star-crossed by Kacey Musgraves. That album came out around the time I had to put down my cat, and I would just listen to it on repeat and cry. It's got a very specific grief+nostalgia combo that really hits me. It's still one of my go-tos when I need a good cry. I have playlists for when I'm happy, but that album has a special place in my heart. 'if this was a movie..' and 'camera roll' are probably my favorite songs off of it.

food: this one is hardest I think. My family is Not Great at expressing feelings, so I ended up with food as a proxy for love and care. And both my parents draw from a pretty diverse set of culinary practices for various reasons, so I've inherited it. When I'm feeling homesick, I'll cook Italian. When I'm sad or missing my brothers, I'll cook Korean. When I miss my mom, I'll make Turkish. As I'm writing this, though, I'm thinking about dumplings.

TY to @soapsdish for the tag. Idk why the formatting did that.

I don't really have any other moots I know well enough to tag, but feel free to do this if you'd like!

#about me

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straykidsnerd255 · 2 years

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Hey :) Can I request a headcanon about Shion being a father? How would he act with his daughter? :3 (When she is a baby, a kid, a teen and an adult)

Bonus point: what kind of grandfather would he be? :3

Thank you😘

Shion as a father/grandfather<3

Letting his baby boy/girl play with his hair when they tug on it.

Would play with his baby nonstop. He loves them and wants to keep them company and cherish them

He would give their cute little chubby faces kisses and would hold them so gently.

He would allow the other gold saint to hold them only if they are careful and don’t move in a jerking motion that could hurt the baby.

Now if he had a baby girl, you bet he is constantly holding her. Showing her around.

When she is just a baby, he will lay on his stomach and giggle with her or make noises with her.

He would pretend that he was also a baby if she started to cry just to watch as her eyes crinkle upwards as she starts laughing.

When his daughter is a kid, he finds it so hard to take care of her. She is bouncing all over the place and won’t sit still.

She is constantly talking back to him and gets herself into trouble at school.

Shion knows that you are the only one that can talk to her and get some sense into her brain.

When your child is a teen, oh man. Lots of medicine for headaches will be taken.

You and Shion get upset if she stays out longer then she should.

Will get extremely cross when she is dating a boy that is notorious for dating and breaking girls' hearts.

Are super gentle and caring when she does come home from a date she was supposed to go on with said guy.

Will talk with her and try to get her to understand why they acted the way the did when she told them about the boy.

When your daughter becomes an adult, you can see Shion is trying his hardest to not shed a tear.

He is trying his best to keep his emotions under control but when he sees his daughter look at him with bright e/c eyes all he can see is when she was a baby and he starts to cry.

“I love you so much dad. Thank you for taking care of me and putting up with me.” Your daughter mumbled to you and Shion.

Bonus: Shion as a grandpa

When your daughter comes home and is much rounder in her stomach and all smiles, you and Shion are both grinning from ear to ear.

Your daughter’s husband and Shion have formed a fantastic relationship and act more like father and son than anything you have seen before.

Shion loves how his daughter has found the perfect husband. The perfect family life, and the perfect home.

Shion will honestly ignore all of you as he plays with his grand-baby.

He will play peek-a-boo with the baby and watch as he giggles and reaches for Shion.

Shion will ‘talk’ with the baby in the form of babbles and giggles.

He is all smiles when he is playing with his grandson and will tell everyone around him.

“Y/n, I want our grandson to be the next Ares saint.” Shion mumbled as he leaned on your shoulder.

#Ares Shion #Fluff #reader #female reader #@rosefoster #cute #shion as a dad/grandpa #requested #enjoy

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justmyquietcorner · 2 years

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TW ED AND SUICIDE (MY STORY)

TW ED AND SUICIDE

TW ED AND SUICIDE ( my story)Ok I’m a little scared, but let’s go...

Very important!!!

this post is only and exclusively to show my way and show that it is not worth to enter into a bargain with Ana, because she will not leave you, she will always be trying to destroy your life. Unfortunately, I still believe her, but I want to finish what I intend to overcome her, she will help me, and when I manage to achieve what I plan, I would like to free myself from her

And please don't feel sorry for me

When I think about it, ed has always existed in me. I’ve always been taught that you don’t look good, and you never will. I’ve always heard you can’t eat this; this is too much. You will become overweight, just a moment longer and you can’t fit in the door, look at your cousin, she looks great and what about you? Each time more and more. Adult people telling me when I was 7-8 years old that I shouldn’t eat that much, because I’m fat. All kids in my family had candy in their gifts, but not me, because I was too big. Grandmother, seeing me, no matter if I weight 50 or 30, will always say that I did not loose weight and I don’t look good or I’m not enough.Still something, that made me feel that my weight was a determinant of my value, with each passing day more and more. If I’m too big, I’ll be worthless, but when I loose weight, I will again be worthy of love and relationships between people. I feel sorry for this little girl who was made aware that she was worth nothing and would achieve nothing.

January 2018.

This was the one of three hardest times for me. I was 14 years old. I was 5 days before my 15 birthdays. One girl from my class who was my best friends. We can call her X. X was so angry because I was against her. We argued. I don’t remember about what that was. But she was so angry. She found my old videos where I was 10 years or 9 idk. I had vlogs and I sing. And she showed it to all the people in school. They sent link with the video.

But you can think, how do I know this? Because one boy from my school sent me “by accident” that link with this message :

And you see this great song performed by Maria from 2 nd grade of middle school… From our school. Watch it and send it on. Link….///….

First, I was like. I’m not scared about that. But they started playing this in school. I was so fucking sad. Nobody helped me, all people were against me. All laugh at me. And when I cried in school, teachers only said to me: Maria stop crying. That’s your fault... You just should not have posted the video. So now, only you must fight with them. So, I stopped eating. Because I was absolutely sure, that can help me. Maybe if I can have control in that, maybe I want to be stronger. But 1 day before my 15th birthday I took pills. My dad was in his new girlfriend´s house, so he didn’t know. It turned out that the pills were herbal with poor effect when I woke up the next morning I’m just started to cry. Because I think about that I can’t nothing , even kill myself. So I started with anorex1a again.

But the greatest awakening of anorex1a was 2019 and is 2022. I never eat and now I don’t eat breakfast either because I can’t. In 2019 it started by stopping eating dinner, after all, I don’t need food for the evening because I’m going to sleep. Then an idea came to me, what if I started cutting down lunch? At the same time, I noticed the weight loss which made me very happy. Every lower gram or kilogram down made me proud and happy. Each kilogram less made me feel that I was gaining more and more value. Then I started lying. I have never had lunch together. So, it was easier. My one and only thing that I had control over. I started to throw out lunches saying that I had eaten and that it tasted good. And I was losing weight more and more. “Ana’’ came. Our friend who says that she will make you perfect and make your life meaningful again. And that you will be in control. She said food makes me weak. Makes me worthless. She was hitting the most sensitive points to get me on her side. I didn’t eat, I lied more and more, and I lost more and more weight. I pushed important people away, pretending that I just didn’t need them. They tried to help me, and I tried to convince myself and other that I’m good, but I was doing myself a disservice. The weight knocked out 50. I decide that I would embrace myself and not give myself up to myself and my head. I went back to normal eating, which took me 1,5 years.

In 2021 she came again . After finding my ex's father who hanged himself, I was totally beheaded. I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat. Seeing the person who told me to kill myself and relieve the world, he did it himself. Before his death, I had an argument with him. I felt terrible and again Ana came back to my head, and still sits there. She said that after that, I still need her. That was just only one thing which allowed me to be in control and feel a little better I have to fight again to be valuable. These are her words. I have lost more than 15 kilos and my head is telling me more and more. I can’t overcome it, so I went back to Ana. Now I live alone so I don’t have to hide that . I just don’t eat, and I know it doesn’t hurt anyone because nobody knows and nobody needs to know. Everyone thinks that all is normal and that everything is beautiful, but it is not. I smoke to curb hunger. I have ADHD drugs in medicine, and they also suppress hunger. Sometimes I have days when I try to eat normally, but then I get on my weight, and I see the numbers. And again, as if a big hammer hit my head. I have to lose weight again and I hear that soft voice saying that I am worthless and to mean something again I have to lose weight. That’s why it’s just me and Ana now. Nobody can change that because she sits to tightly on me. It sits like some parasite that refuses to leave its host. Maybe someday I will win. Maybe I will die because of her. I can’t define it. But I hope I´m going to win But I know one thing is for sure. I’m a different person than I was and Ana has changed me. For better or worse idk. I can’t explain that. But I feel she’s the only one who actually understands. Although she has a lot of rigor, saying that if I do not weigh less than x, I can’t eat, but I know that thanks to her I will be valuable again and I will deserve a love that I do not have. Ana I know you hear me, because you are in me, please help me deserve warmth and love and make me worthwhile again. Because if you can´t do this nobody can. If you fail, I need to leave this world. I want to try other things too, before I reach the final one. Therefore, please be with me for a while, we’ll see if we can make it. Moments longer, until I believe that we will be able to fix it. Maybe if I deserve love, so I can win with you. Maybe if I can find the right person who can understand me that can make me free from you, but first, I need you because I need to be good and enough as a person. If I´m done with that so we can split up and go two different directions.

#proanaa #anor3x1a #EDMYSTORY #tw ed vent #twed #ed story #suicide #skinny

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vneuns · 3 years

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— “LIGHTNING MCQUEEN BANDAID" + 6/6 Sbi

author’s note(s): I absolutely adore family dynamics and having such a traumatizing childhood but being able to write something so special to me really really makes me all mushy inside hehe i hope you all love this piece my loves <3

cw warnings: fem!reader , phil and r are in a relationship but it’s not talked about , crack family basically, my first pg fic. wowza

“Tommy. Tubbo.” You sighed as both toddlers continued to try their hardest to run after Technoblade and Wilbur. As the sun had set and the weather began to become cooler you and Phil decided it would be best to get the boys out of the house for a breath of fresh air.

But of course no one said taking five children out under the age ten would be easy. So you had a system.

Phil walked ahead with Wil and Tech so they wouldn’t bother the littles, whilst you walked with Tommy and Tubbo who both had backpack leashes on and Ranboo who opted for holding your unoccupied hand and looked around at the outside scenery.

“But we wanna go with the older boys N/n.” Tom whined as he and Tub let up on the pulling when you had pulled back slightly almost causing them to fall.

“We are trying to have a peaceful outing and the four of you together are nothing but trouble.” The boy next to you giggled at the mention of his chaotic brothers. “They’re so silly right?” You whispered to him with a grin. He smiled nodding, fixing the crown that sat on his head.

“Hey I heard that!” Tubbo declared looking back at the two of you over his shoulder with a glare. “Good maybe it’d get you to stop being so wild.” His shoulders rose and fell in a shrug as he became roped in a conversation with Tom about taking over the slides when you reached the park.

All of the kids stood in a line side by side as they waited for you to give them their directions. “No hitting, slapping, insulting, or peeing on random objects.”

You told them seriously as you gave each and everyone ( except ranboo ) a pointed glared while you walked back and forth in front of them Phil watching amusingly from the bench behind you.

“If I hear one yell that isn’t from having fun, a single tear falls from anyone’s eye unless it’s from getting hurt, or hear even one small peep of a tattle tale we’ll go home and never come to the park again, understand?”

They all nodded before running off onto the playground equipment when you gave them a nod of approval to be free.

“You’re so great at this.” Phil beamed at you as you plopped down on the uncomfortable bench next to him resting your head on his shoulder. “I know, I should've been given a raise a long time ago.” Mid yawn you waved at Tommy who was waving frantically at you for no reason in particular.

“Yeah you really should’ve.” The blonde chuckled, rubbing your scalp calmly.

After a moment of silence a pair of very chapped lips kissed the top of your head, your eyes following after Wil and Boo who were screaming at the top of their lungs as their pink haired older brother tried to tag them.

“Ya know what tomorrow is?”

“Laundry day?”

He chuckled, shaking his head, placing his chin atop your head. “No, tomorrow’s mother’s day.”

“S’Nice but i’m not their mum so..” You trailed off eyes flickering between each little light of your life as their big smiles held a special place in your heart. You weren’t their birth mother of course but you were just like it.

The person who was there cheering them on at their games, who was there when they fell and needed someone to clean up their scrapes, and the person who constantly reminded them they were loved.

“But you could be.” He whispered. The statement caught you off guard. You immediately picked your head up looking at him confused. “Wha- what do you mean by could be?”

Just as he went to say something all five of your little army where surrounding you and Phil’s bench Techno holding Tommy who was clutching his knee in pain.

“Oh tommy what’s wrong?” You cradled the boy who had very little tears falling down his cheek as he tried to keep them in.

Wilbur spoke first as he squeezed Tommy’s hand. “We found him under the slide trying not to cry, and then when i asked him what’s wrong he said he didn’t want to go home.”

Phil scrunched his nose as he rubbed the boys leg soothingly. “Tommy, if you got hurt why would you think we’d go home.” You knew he was strong, ( and hard headed ) but he was a great kid with an amazing heart and it always made you feel a little tearful when you thought about how much he was going to grow.

When you got no answer you cradled him to you kissing his head and rocking slightly. “Go play guys.” You whispered when your little stubborn boy began to let it all out.

They each nodded before running off to leave their brother alone in the comfort of the adults.

“It’s alright Tom, you’re a big boy right?” Phil smiled, rubbing the underside of his son's chin with the side of his index finger wiping up some of the tears.

It was as if he had some sort of magic in his words or maybe that callused finger of his, but whatever it was made the little one in your arms wipe his tears.

“Want a lightning mcqueen band-aid for that nasty cut?”

@heyskeppy @inniterhq @basilly @yamturds @dysfunctionalcrab @siriushxney @sqpnap @tinyegg @ttakinou @charnease @i-mmunity @b3l0v3ds @alice-blue-skies @the-swageyama-tobiyolo

#mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt x yn #sbi fanfic #sbi ff #sbi x reader #sbi x fem!reader #sbi au #philza x reader #philza ff #philza minecraft x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinit x reader #technoblade x reader #ranboo x fem!reader #tubbo x reader

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drabbles-mc · 4 years

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Five Times Angel Reyes Kissed You, and One Time You Kissed Him

Angel Reyes x Reader

Warnings: language, mention of death/funerals

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Okay I got this idea at like midnight last night and I’m SO GLAD that I didn’t lose it before being able to sit down and write it. I’m pretty hype about how this came up. We LOVE to see relationships evolve.

Angel Taglist: @queenbeered (If you want to be added just let me know!)

1.)

You were fifteen, sitting on the front steps of your porch. You were sobbing into your hands, wondering how you could feel so much pain when you hadn’t even taken a beating. First heartbreaks were the worst, or at least that’s what people had told you. Some said it was bound to happen eventually, after all you were young, but that didn’t make the pain go away. You were a teary, sniffling mess. You heard footsteps approaching you and you didn’t even bother to look up to see who it was. You didn’t care.

You felt an arm wrap around you and you heard Angel’s voice, “What happened? I’ll kick his ass.”

You looked up and managed what you could of a smile. You knew him only because he was your best friend’s brother. He was a few years older than you, but he had never treated you like a child. He treated you the same way he treated EZ—like an adult only smaller.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” you wiped the tears off of your face, “He’s not even that cute, right?”

He chuckled, nodding in agreement, “That’s right. You can do way better, Y/N. Fuck that guy.”

You sighed and leaned against him, “Do boys get less stupid as they get older?”

He laughed, “I’ll keep you posted, but so far, no I don’t think so. Sorry,” he squeezed you tight to him, “You gonna be alright?”

You took a deep breath and nodded, “Yea. It just, you know, it kinda blows right now.”

He nodded, “I get it,” he quickly kissed the top of your head, you could feel the pressure through your hair, “You’ll get through it, Y/N. If you change your mind about me kicking his ass, let me know. I’ll fuck up a fifteen-year-old. I don’t care.”

---

2.)

You were eighteen, coming down the front steps of your house in your prom dress. You and EZ had decided to go together as friends (as much as both your parents and his tried to insist that maybe it was a little more than that). You both wanted to have a good time and the only way you could be certain of that was if you skipped the drama of trying to find “real dates”. There were worse people to spend the night dancing with, anyway.

Somehow Angel had gotten suckered into being your guys’ chauffer. You were fairly certain it was their parents’ doing—they liked knowing what Angel was up to. He moaned and groaned about it but had gone and got his pickup truck washed in preparation for the big night. He put on a clean dress shirt for the occasion as well, so you knew that despite his sarcastic remarks, he was pretty into the whole thing.

You twirled, loving the way your dress fanned out around you as you did. EZ was leaning against the side of his brother’s truck, chuckling at your theatrics. The two of you posed for pictures, and after each set of parents had burned through at least a few rolls of film each, it was time to get going. Angel held his hand out to help you up into his truck.

When you placed your hand in his, he lifted and kissed the back of it with a laugh, “I will be your driver this evening, Hermosa.”

You laughed and gave an exaggerated courtesy in your gown, “Ah, I can’t wait, Señor.”

He chuckled as he helped you step up into the vehicle, expertly managing not to step on your own dress. He even double-checked to make sure that he didn’t shut any of the fabric in the door.

He nodded to both sets of parents, “I’ll be sure to have them home before midnight.”

---

3.)

You were nineteen, and calling him from a college party. EZ was away at Stanford and you didn’t know who else you trusted enough to come and pick you up and also not rat you out to your parents. You weren’t supposed to be at a party—you had lied and said you were staying at a friend’s dorm for a movie night.

“Angelito,” you laughed into the phone, “I need a huge favor.”

His voice was still laden with exhaustion and sleep as he answered, “What the fuck kind of favor do you need at 2AM, Y/N?”

“I need you to come pick me up from a party.”

“You kidding me? Call an Uber.”

You laughed, “I also need a place to crash. I know you have a couch that you’re not using in your living room.”

He sighed but you could hear him shuffling around, getting ready to come get you, “You good enough to ride on the bike? Or do I need to go get Pop’s truck?”

“I can ride!” your response came a little quicker than maybe it should have, but you were dying to have an excuse to ride on the back of Angel’s bike.

“Alright. Text me the address. I’m on my way now.”

He got there quicker than you thought he would. You were outside the house, waiting patiently for him on the front steps. You smiled as you jumped up to go and hug him, stumbling on your first few steps. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he hesitated for a moment before finally caving and hugging you back.

“You owe me for this,” he grumbled.

He handed you his helmet and helped you get on the back of the bike. You wrapped your arms tightly around his waist, keeping yourself flush up against his back as he took off. You had never experienced anything quite like the feeling of racing down the empty streets like that in the middle of the night.

You walked into his apartment and looked around as he locked the door behind you, “I put a pillow and blankets on the couch for you. I can go grab you a shirt and stuff to sleep in if you wait a second.”

You plopped down on the couch as he walked to his room to get you a few choices of sleep clothes. But as soon as your head hit the pillow and you felt the warmth of the blankets beneath you, you almost immediately fell asleep.

You were hanging onto your consciousness by a thread when you heard him chuckle. He pulled the blanket up over you and kissed your forehead softly, “Sweet dreams, you pain in the ass.”

---

4.)

You were twenty-one, and standing in front of Angel and the rest of his family, or rather, what was left of it, at his mother’s wake. You had made your way down the line, offering your condolences like they were going to make things any better for the three men in front of you. Angel was the last in the short line, and you could see it on his face that he desperately wanted to be anywhere else. He couldn’t escape though, not really.

You stepped in and hugged him tightly, “I’m so sorry, Angel.”

You could feel the tension in his body as he tried his hardest to hold back his tears, “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Can I do anything? Get you anything?”

“Could you, uh,” he cleared his throat, “grab my water bottle? It’s in the back room I fuckin’ forgot it.”

You nodded, “Yea I got you.”

You tried to make your way through the crowd of people with as little disturbance as possible. You knew that everyone loved the Reyes family, and Marisol especially, but even you were shocked at the number of people who had showed up for the wake. You had the feeling it was going to go well past the allotted time.

You appeared back by Angel’s side, trying to slip him his water bottle without disturbing the conversation he was having. You lightly touched his hand and gestured to the bottle by his feet, “Anything else?”

He shook his head, “No, thank you, Y/N.”

You pulled him into another hug, unable to stop yourself. You had spent a lot of time with EZ during the week leading up to the wake, but Angel had locked himself away. This was the first time you had really seen him since you heard the news and you felt like you were trying to make up for lost time.

“Anything you need,” you whispered, “You come find me, alright? I got you.”

He kissed your cheek and nodded as he pulled away, “Thank you. I, just, thank you.”

You thumbed the tears off of his face, giving him a small smile to let him know that he was going to make it through this. It was going to be a long, painful process, but he was going to get through it.

---

5.)

You were twenty-one, and crying on the front steps to Angel’s apartment building. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that your best friend had just been sentenced to spend twenty years in prison. Everything was happening so quickly around you and you felt like you couldn’t keep up.

You heard the sound of Angel’s bike and looked up. He saw you sitting on the front steps and his expression immediately fell. He had a feeling that you were going to end up at his place—he knew that you didn’t want to go home and face your family and all of the questions that they would have.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed, “I didn’t know where else to go.”

He nodded, “Yea, I know the feeling,” he held out his arms, “C’mere, Y/N.”

You stood up and walked over to him and let him envelop you. Over the years he had made fun of you a lot for being so short, but in that moment you had never been happier to be so small. You were essentially wrapped up in an Angel blanket and for a few moments the world didn’t feel like it was crumbling around you.

“Come on up, I got beer in the fridge,” he offered what he could of a smile as he gestured for you to follow him upstairs.

You sat on his couch, twisting your hands in your lap as he went and got each of you a beer from the kitchen. He collapsed down next to you and handed you a bottle. You managed a small smile and thanked him before taking a long drink from it. The two of you sat there in silence, leaning against each other as you tried to process everything that had happened.

“I don’t have anything to say to make any of this shit any better, you know,” he finally said with a heavy sigh.

You nodded, “I know. I just needed to not be alone. And I couldn’t go home. Not yet.”

“I get it. You wanna crash here tonight?”

“If that’s alright?”

He smiled, “Like I could ever kick you out.”

The two of you spent most of the night not speaking to each other, just sitting next to each other on the couch letting episode after episode of your favorite shows play. You were leaning your head against his shoulder and every now and then he would look over at you to see if you had started to fall asleep yet.

“Want a change of clothes to sleep in?” he offered.

You nodded, “That’d be great.”

He went and grabbed one of his sweatshirts and tossed it to you, “This shit’ll be a dress on you.”

You stood up and started walking towards the bathroom to get changed, thanking him as you went. You knew that he didn’t have to be doing all of this, but he was anyway. It felt nice and that wasn’t something you had felt for a while.

When you came back out of the bathroom he had blankets and pillows on the couch for you. He pulled you into another hug and placed a kiss on your temple as he held you, letting you cry it out a little more before going to sleep. You wished that you could sleep like that, just to feel safe and protected in the chaos that was surrounding you now. He ran his fingers through your hair and all you could think was that you didn’t know he was capable of being so soft.

“If you need anything just yell, alright?”

You nodded, “Thank you, Angel.”

He winked, “I gotchu.”

---

1.)

You were twenty-seven and standing on the deck of the Mayans clubhouse, smoking a cigarette. You blew out the smoke, letting it disappear in wisps around you into the night sky. There was music and laughter and conversation drifting out to your ears from the open clubhouse windows and you smiled to yourself as you kept your eyes on the stars.

You heard heavy footsteps followed by the infamous sound of Angel sucking his teeth, “Ay, you shouldn’t be smoking that. Smoking kills, Querida,” he chuckled as he snatched the cigarette from between your fingers, “Let me finish it for you. To protect you.”

You laughed, shaking your head, “Yea, always looking out for me, huh?”

“Since the day EZ dragged your sorry ass over to our house when you were in like, fifth grade,” he laughed as he looped his arm around your shoulder.

“Thanks for the invite, by the way,” you nodded back to the clubhouse, “The guys seem pretty cool.”

He took a long drag from your cigarette and smiled at you, “I’m gonna have to bring you to every club party now, aren’t I?”

You laughed and playfully slapped his chest, “Only if you don’t want me to be sad.”

“Well,” he chuckled, “Can’t have that, can we?”

The two of you stood together in silence for a couple minutes. His arm was still wrapped around your shoulders and you leaned into his side, soaking up his scent and body heat. While he was glancing up at the sky you reached and snatched your cigarette back from him, laughing as you ran off to the opposite side of the deck to take a drag before he finished it off.

He laughed, walking over to you. He easily took it from your fingers and held his arm up so it was way out of your reach, “Whatcha gonna do now, Y/N? Grow an extra foot to get your smoke back?”

“If I take you out at the knee I won’t have to do anything like that,” you chuckled as you stood up on your tippy-toes to try and pull his arm back down.

He flicked the last of the cigarette over the railing of the deck, assuring that neither of you were going to be able to finish it. He turned back towards you with a smug grin on his face, “Hah! No taking out my kneecaps.”

You pushed him with both hands on his chest, but he still didn’t budge. He laughed, shaking his head at your attempt to be tough, “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

You stepped in close to him, getting as close to eye-to-eye as you were ever going to get with someone who was practically a foot taller than you. “I could easily make you stumble, Angel. Believe me.”

“No chance,” he shook his head with a smirk.

“Wanna bet?”

“Oh, definitely,” he laughed.

Before he could come up with another sassy remark you stood back up on your toes and pulled him down into a kiss. His eyes flew open wide and he stumbled a few steps back, but kept his arms wrapped around you so you stayed close to him, kept kissing him.

You pulled away, laughing as your entire face turned dark red, “Told you.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. If you didn’t know better you’d say that his cheeks were turning a little red too. “Alright,” he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him again, “that’s a loss I’ll gladly take.”

You smiled as you cupped his face, pulling him into another, much softer kiss. You could feel both of your hearts racing as he tried to keep you held as close to him as possible. You wrapped your arms behind his neck as you felt his hands slide down from your hips to your ass, and it made you smile into your kiss. You felt him chuckle his hands slid back up to your hips, and crept farther up your back.

Finally, you had to pull away to catch your breath. Angel had a smile plastered across his face and you knew that you did too. He reached up, gently pushing the hair back out of your face to get a better look at you.

“I could get used to this, Y/N,” he traced his thumb along your cheekbone.

You smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips, “Yea, I think I could too.”

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x you #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfic #5 times #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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queerlyraging · 4 years

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I am affected.