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skepsiss · 7 months

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Modern Problems, Modern Solutions pt 1

Pt2

I have like 4 other parts to this written already but I'll post em when I have time to edit. Yearning with extremely awkward teen Steddie. Eddie as a proper 17 year old would be awkward as hell! I think at least. Additionally, there is quite a bit of swearing so you've been warned. Generally, I just wanted to explore EDDIE catching feelings first and being put out by that.

Modern day AU, or more or less modern give or take 5ish years circa 2015/19. I don't think this takes place in the Hawkins we know from the show.

Small American towns can be kinda backwards, but it varies a lot as to how open and accepting each town/state is. So, suspend disbelief and imagine it as a place that is tolerant of queerness. Also, read with the understanding that in a lot of places in this generalized time people think queerness is actually kinda "trendy" in some ways. It's not taboo but it's also extremely dependant on the person that is queer and "how queer they act". "be gay... but not too gay" etc.--

---

"Did you hear? Steve Harrington just came out as bi--"

Eddie looked up from his phone, feet propped up on the desk in front of him. The boy who had popped his head into their mostly empty homeroom had delivered the news so quickly that everyone there was quietly shocked.

"Son of a bitch," Eddie grumbled, putting his feet down and getting clumps of dirt on the linoleum floor. School hadn't even started and he was already having to deal with this bullshit.

"What?" Gareth asked, laughing a bit awkwardly. He sounded confused like he didn't understand where Eddie was directing his vitriol.

"Leave it to some preppy, jock, rich-boy to make 'being gay' cool--asshole," Eddie's words were drenched in sarcasm and mockery, going as far as to air-quote when he said being gay.

"I've been fucking gay since 8th grade and now some 16-year-old wannabe happens to be queer it's big news?" Eddie sat back with frustration, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching in his seat.

"I don't think you're supposed to say queer--" Jeff started to correct only to shut up quickly when Eddie whipped his head around to him and glared.

"I can say whatever the hell I want. I'm the one that's queer!" Eddie spat, hating that so much of this 'being gay is okay' culture circled around the heterosexual perspective of what was and was not okay.

Eddie grouched for the rest of the day, keeping his head down and feeling his nostrils flare every time a whisper of today's big news passed by him in the hallways. Who fucking cared? Steve Harrington was thee popular boy in school and was talked about as if he was their generation's teen heart-throb. It was to a point where Eddie knew who he was despite him being an underclassman. He was in grade 12 and he still had to hear about Steve Harrington as if he mattered. Sports star, good-looking, daddy's boy.

It was so goddamn annoying. Eddie had been out since he was thirteen and he had suffered through the humiliation of 'being queer' all the way through high school. He had the scars to prove it and it pissed him off that four years later it felt like people were singing Steve's praises for being brave enough to come out. Who fucking cared? Being gay was cool now or something--it gave you an edge and despite the fact that Eddie was bi himself, it truly felt like bisexuality was a cop-out to get girls to think you were hot with no intention to do the whole gay part of it. That was unfair to think, but in his biased opinion, some popular boy didn't deserve to be treated delicately while he had been in the trenches over it.

Eddie glared as the school day ended as he walked outside into the Autumn air. He could see Steve across the parking lot chatting to a gaggle of people around his car. He was smiling and laughing and everyone seemed so eager to let him know they accepted him. Or whatever the fuck. He couldn't actually hear what they were saying.

"Does the torture of high school know no fucking end?" Eddie grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not paying attention to where he was going.

"Tell me about it."

Eddie looked up at the sound of a voice; the words that were spoken dripped with sarcasm. Robin was leaning against her bike by Eddie, bag slung over her shoulder as she watched the fanfare from a safe distance--same as Eddie. Robin was president of the LGBT-Alliance club, and Eddie knew her from band. Robin was two years younger than him, but she had come in hot and loud about being a lesbian straight from jump. Despite how meek she was in many regards, she was smart and dedicated to her beliefs. Eddie could respect that.

"Get a load, huh?" Eddie asked, scoffing as he glanced back over at Steve.

"Hmm," Robin offered quietly, staring for a moment before starting to put on her helmet, "he's been coming to meetings pretty regularly over the last couple of months, you know."

Eddie looked back at Robin, surprised to hear her... defending Steve Harrington? He thought it was unanimous that geeks and weirdos like them hated guys like that.

"You'd know if you ever showed up for meetings," Robin said a bit flippantly, and Eddie frowned at her.

He had tried the whole LGBT-Alliance thing and it just wasn't his space. It was boring and he hated that the group generally just talked about events and progress they should make. He didn't want any of that, he just wanted to hang out with a couple of people that were queer like him. He didn't want to be scheduling and painting signs or whatever the fuck. He had his own things to do after school--band, D&D, chucking dirt wads at a wall--anything was better than sitting in what was essentially a business meeting.

"Come on," Eddie grumbled, not wanting to acknowledge that if Steve had been attending the LGBT-Alliance meetings that this 'leaving the closet thing' had been a long time coming.

"He's actually a decent guy," Robin defended as she adjusted her helmet straps, "all things considered."

Eddie huffed a laugh, scoffing at Robin.

"Didn't think I'd be hearing this from you, Buckley--I thought lesbians were supposed to hate all men or something," Eddie retorted, not really meaning it but feeling confrontational.

"Don't be a drag," Robin sighed, rolling her eyes at the comment, "talk to Will Byers about it or whatever. He's in your D&D thing, right?"

"Hellfire," Eddie corrected, thinking about that for a moment. Will was in both their clubs and he was close friends with Dustin--who also seemed to adore Steve Harrington for some reason. It was stupid, he didn't understand why half the kids in his after-school club liked the guy. Eddie had never had any personal conflict with Steve, but he fit the shape of every guy Eddie had ever taken issue with.

"Whatever," Robin retorted, getting onto her bike, "you know we're having a mixer next weekend. You should come."

Eddie looked at her, frowning again. He didn't want to go to a mixer, whatever she meant by that. Robin seemed to pick up on the mild confusion he had around the comment, explaining further.

"Geez, there's like posters around the school, Eddie. Our alliance and like 4 other schools in our district are having like an LGBT dance, mixer, party or whatever. Hosting in Talho on Saturday. We've got a pretty big turnout already, tickets are five bucks."

"Five bucks?" Eddie huffed, acting as if that number was ridiculous for an event like this. He didn't want to admit that it sounded kind of... nice. With four other school districts... that meant there would be a lot of guys that were undeniably queer he'd get to meet for the first time if he went. That was something. It'd really be something if he walked away with a date.

"I'll think about it," Eddie said, waving Robin off and continuing his slouch across the parking lot to start his long walk home.

—--

"Call me if you need a ride," Wayne said as Eddie shuffled out of the cab of the truck. He stood at the door, having to look up at Wayne in order to see him from how much the suspension of Wayne's old gas-guzzler hoisted the truck off the ground.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddie huffed, feeling put out already for having decided to come. He was having second thoughts as he stood there, holding Wayne's door.

"Eddie," Wayne said a bit more firmly, looking for a straight answer.

"I'll call if I need a ride home-- or whatever," Eddie replied, sounding annoyed as he shut the door and turned towards the school gym.

It was obvious where the event was being hosted and he felt weird showing up alone. He had decided to come after much lamenting, resigning himself to just chatting to Will all night if he hated the damn thing. It felt weird, and he quietly hoped that at least some people his age would show up. He didn't want to be stuck as the oldest person there amongst a sea of 14 and 15-year-olds.

The event wasn't formal, but Eddie had tried to clean up a bit. He'd left his leather jacket and vest at home, opting for just an old denim jacket and a T-shirt that didn't have a band or logo on it. Other than that, he was still in scuffed-up shoes and ripped jeans, but he hoped that didn't put people off. Not that it mattered. Not that he ultimately cared. He didn't want to talk to anyone who had a problem with it to begin with, but it still made him feel self-conscious. Really, he hadn't dressed up because he didn't have anything to dress up into. Even the debate of if this was worth five bucks or if he should save it in order to get the luxury of sub-par pizza next week had been a difficult choice to make. He hated showing up to things like this and sticking out like a sore thumb--he hated being easily marked as poor.

Eddie paid his entry fee and stepped into the gym; the decorations were tacky and everything screamed 'event put on by teenagers.' There was something kind of charming about that though, even if it felt a bit pedestrian. It was sort of as he feared though... there were people here--a decent amount--but everyone looked so... young. The realisation made Eddie tense a bit as he moved over to the refreshments table and idled before getting a drink.

Great. Just great. He had spent five bucks for an awkward night leaning against a wall and drinking fruit punch.

"Eddie!"

Eddie turned to see Robin waving at him. She had a vest with a button on it signifying that she was a leader in the club. She probably had responsibilities to attend to during the night, but she did look mildly excited to see him there.

Feeling like he didn't have much of an option, Eddie migrated in her direction, feeling very self-conscious about the whole thing.

"Hey, you made it," Robin offered, a few people hovering around her. It was sort of obvious that she was busy, but Eddie appreciated her taking the time to say hi.

"Yeah, figured I'd check it out at least," Eddie said, talking into his cup as he looked around the room. He didn't really have time to lament though as a small commotion worked its way towards them.

"Sorry--sorry!"

Eddie looked to see Steve Harrington making his way over to them with what looked like 4 dozen balloons. It was kind of comical really, seeing him try to fight past the sea of bobbing, colourful globes.

"Steve!" Robin said sharply, her volume subdued but still stern.

"Sorry--there was a hold-up--" Steve replied, awkwardly trying to move the balloons to see past them and talk directly to Robin.

"Oh—oh-How-what? A holdup?" Robin mocked back, tisking as she took a bundle of the balloons from Steve and handed them to the girls beside her.

"Uh, yeah, Buckley. There was a holdup, you gagging on ten-dollar lipstick or something?" Steve retorted quickly "looks good by the way." He was gesturing to the make-up Robin had on and the bright red lipstick she had applied which was fairly different compared to her usual look.

Eddie snorted into his cup, choking slightly as he tried to hold back from laughing at the burn. Robin looked offended for half a beat before smacking one of the balloons directly into Steve's face and taking the rest of the handful.

"Ow--hey," Steve complained, getting aggressively jostled as Robin walked past him.

Despite what was being said, the whole exchange had been... friendly. It was weird really, it looked and sounded like Robin and Steve were actually friends. They were toying with each other and being bitchy in a way Eddie had only ever seen best buddies do, which was really goddamn weird to see coming from a superstar, jock hunk, and the local raging feminist, band geek.

"You're on my shit-list," Robin commented, pointing over her shoulder at Steve and then bustling off with the other girls and the balloons. Obviously, they had been meant for decorations and Robin was now rushed to finish setting everything up. The whole exchange had been so quick Eddie hadn't even been able to properly react before he was standing there... with Steve.

Steve turned towards him and Eddie averted his gaze, still holding his punch glass up to his lips.

"Hey," Steve greeted, sounding much too charming.

"Hey," Eddie mumbled back, turning slightly and facing the room instead of looking at Steve. He didn't walk away, that felt like a bridge too far, but he wasn't going to open himself up to a conversation.

"Eddie, right?" Steve asked, and Eddie glanced at him, watching Steve push his hair back into place. He hadn't realised, but Steve was panting slightly, obviously catching his breath from... probably running in here to deliver Robin's balloons.

"Yeah," Eddie confirmed, looking away again as he slouched. Great. He was stuck talking to Steve with no obvious escape plan. Perfect.

"Steve--"

"I know who you are," Eddie replied, not letting Steve finish his introduction. It had probably just been to be polite anyway, but it was obvious that Eddie knew who he was. They went to school together. They had mutual friends. It wasn't rocket science.

That shut Steve up for a moment and chewed at Eddie's guts. That had been a bit rude. Steve hadn't actually done anything wrong, yet, so really he should just save it for another time. Steve was stuck here too after all, with a bunch of kids just like Eddie.

"Pretty... young," Eddie said, watching the gym as people mingled. It really was just a bunch of 14 or 15-year-olds chatting with one another. They seemed to be having fun, and Eddie was glad for that since he hadn't had anything like this when he was that age.

"Hm, yeah," Steve replied, sounding kind of amused for some reason. "Always the damn babysitter, huh?"

Eddie glanced at him for that comment, not really understanding where it was coming from.

"Yeah..." Eddie offered, wondering if he had said it because Hellfire Club also skewed younger. He had seen Steve drop Dustin off before, scolding him like a mother would over something, but he had never come inside to meet anyone at Hellfire. Eddie had just noticed it was all.

An awkward silence drew out between them and Eddie could tell that Steve was starting to feel uncomfortable too.

"You seen Will Byers anywhere?" Eddie asked, looking for an out. He knew that Steve knew Will, he was one of those mutual friends.

"Oh, yeah," Steve offered, not making a motion to point anywhere, "but I'd leave him alone tonight if I were you."

Eddie quirked a brow at Steve, something of a challenge in his stance as he looked at him. Why on earth would he leave Will Byers alone tonight?

"I drove him--" Steve half explained, obviously realising that he needed to elaborate, "that's why uh I'm--it doesn't matter. There's a boy here that he likes."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up at Steve's explanation, looking back at the floor and the sea of dweeby, little gays circling each other awkwardly. Oh. Right. This was a lot of people's first chance to do anything with someone queer like them. He hadn't considered that Will would have someone here he intended to talk to.

Eddie laughed, both at his own stupidity and the charming realisation that he was glad this whole thing was happening, even if he wasn't having a good time.

"Good for him," Eddie snorted, cheersing the room and taking a swig of his punch.

"God," Eddie sighed, finding the humour in this whole thing now, "who the hell am I supposed to bother now?"

He was lamenting for no real reason, wondering quietly to himself if he should hold out and wait to see if anyone else his age showed up or if he should just cut his losses and start the long walk home. At least then, once he got back, Wayne would just assume he got a ride and had a good time. He didn't want to admit to Wayne that he ditched, not after he had agonised over whether or not it was worth it to spend the five dollars. Wayne had supported him going and assured him it wasn't a waste if he wanted to go. Eddie didn't want to prove him wrong.

Eddie glanced at Steve, wondering how he was going to excuse himself now that his out was occupied. He caught Steve looking at him and quickly looked forward again, surveying the room. That was weird. Eddie took note of that, slowly looking back at the party unfolding before them.

"So... Bi, huh?" Eddie offered, not sure why he was trying. He'd give it until he finished his glass of punch and then he'd walk home if no one interesting entered the party.

Steve seemed to laugh a bit awkwardly to that, doing this weird thing with his hands where he clasped them behind his back and then swung them forward to clasp at his front. It was the most uncomfortable Eddie had ever seen him--not that he had paid a ton of attention to Steve before now.

Oh. Eddie realised, feeling his chest clench a little, this was a lot of people's first chance to talk to another queer person. He was the oldest one here, closely followed by Steve... they were both fish out of water. Steve had the club, but there weren't a lot of guys their age that Eddie knew of who were queer. Steve had been mingling with kids this whole time. He was the elder here... weird.

"Yeah, I didn't really expect it to become a whole... thing," Steve replied, shaking Eddie from his thoughts. Right, he had pointedly questioned Steve's sexuality. Classy.

"Yeah, well, they'll get over it," Eddie retorted, feeling a bit bad now that he had been so dismissive of Steve's attempt to talk to him.

"I mean, it's been fine, I guess," Steve replied, sounding unsure of himself but not exactly bothered. Eddie could understand that, he didn't have the same experience per se, but all the guys at Hellfire knew he was queer and it was fine. He could remember being unsure though how gay he got to act around them all. It had been awkward and uncomfortable to find the rhythm of where you all sat, even if no one was blatantly rejecting you.

"Feels like you and everyone else are walking on eggshells about it, right?" Eddie asked, sighing as he leaned back until he hit the wall behind them, slouching.

"Something like that," Steve replied, his words coming out slowly as he watched Eddie and then took half a step back to join him against the wall.

"My advice? Just don't fall in love with your best friends," Eddie joked, only half serious. It verged on real advice, but it wasn't like it was something you could help.

Steve laughed anyway, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, as if. No thanks."

Something about that made Eddie smile a bit. Steve had been so dismissive of the idea as if the mere mention of having a mild interest in some jock was unheard of.

Eddie took a swig of his punch, swallowing hard as he started to relax a little bit.

"I'm bi too, you know," he said, sucking his upper lip to get the rest of the juice off.

"I can't remember if I used that word when I came out though--people just sort of figured with me, I don't think I really had to tell anyone."

"Yeah?" Steve asked, sounding interested but not sure how to progress.

"Uh, c'ya, what do you think?" Eddie mocked back, flipping his long hair over his shoulders and then flicking it back with his hands from side to side as if he were walking down some kind of runway. Long hair didn't mean you were gay, but it was a step towards making people think you were.

Steve laughed at that too, properly this time without that edge of awkwardness to it. That, in turn, made Eddie smile a bit. He liked it when people found him funny, it felt good to make people laugh. It felt better still to be joking about something gay and not having to correct or explain anything to the other person. Steve was queer too, even if he was new at this, there wasn't that same level of judgment. Huh... funny though that he suddenly just accepted that Steve was queer when he had been put off by the idea initially.

The night carried on like that and Eddie was surprised to find... that he didn't mind talking to Steve all that much. There were quite a few cultural touchstones that he didn't have when it came to 'nerd shit' but he didn't seem to be annoyed by Eddie explaining those things to him if it was necessary. Eddie had gotten a bit louder and more loose before too long, even if he wasn't exactly buddy-buddy with Steve. And Steve, surprisingly, had stuck with him the whole night. Really, the event hadn't matured at all and Eddie had little desire to go mingle with the kids--especially when the kid that he knew here was probably trying his best to flirt. What the hell was he supposed to do? Walk up to a group of youngsters and just ask what they were talking about? "Trust me, trust me. I play games with children all the time!" Yeah, no.

Eddie's watch beeped at him and he looked at it, turning the little digital screen off. It wasn't that late, just past 10 really, but the longer he waited the more miserable the walk home would be.

"Well, that's my queue," Eddie said, pushing off the wall and leaving his cup on a table by them. "I should go."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not regretting having come after all, but not really feeling like staying either. Steve had made the night bearable, but Eddie wasn't all that eager to keep it up.

"Why? Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?" Steve asked, teasing a little.

Eddie snorted at him, finding that line incredibly cheesy and in turn kind of funny because of that.

"Yeah, I've got to go traipse into the woods and take root or I'll start sprouting weeds like a chia-pet."

Steve chuckled at him, looking over to the doors. Eddie started walking towards the exit anyway, and Steve seemed surprised that he was actually going. He got off the wall and walked a few paces with Eddie before they both stopped, lingering a bit.

"I've just got to start walking home," Eddie explained, pinching his brows in, finding it kind of amusing that Steve seemed... concerned? He wasn't sure, it felt out of character for a cool guy to be following him.

"Walking home?" Steve asked, again, sounding surprised. "To Hawkins?"

"No to the moon, Bilbo was writing about me. Yeah back to Hawkins," he answered sarcastically, jamming his thumb towards the doors. Steve didn't seem bothered by the reply, even if he squinted for a moment with confusion with Eddie's mention of Bilbo.

"You live at Hawkins Trailer Park, right?" Steve asked.

The question instantly made Eddie tense, and he set his jaw a bit.

"Yeah, why?" He asked, sounding a bit defensive. He didn't like this line of questioning. It always felt weird when people commented on the fact that he lived in a trailer park. It especially felt weird coming from rich-boy Steve Harrington.

"Jeez, chill. I'll give you a ride, I live near there too," Steve explained, taking his keys out of his pocket and jostling them, "Hawkins is too far to walk to from here."

Eddie blinked at him a moment, floored by the offer for some reason.

"You don't have to do that, man," Eddie replied, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. "You should stay."

"And do what?" Steve asked, sounding amused. He looked over his shoulder at the crowd of young teens chatting and mingling before looking back at Eddie with a raised brow.

"Fair enough," Eddie replied, banishing his guilt for now. Steve was right though, Hawkins was far to walk to from here and there really wasn't a lot keeping Steve at the mixer. Will was getting a ride home from his brother and Robin was too busy fussing over every little thing to mingle. Plus, the event really would be closing soon so Steve didn't have to stay.

Eddie still felt awkward as he walked up to Steve's beamer and prepared himself to feel awkward the whole drive back to Hawkins. It was a nice car and he couldn't help but constantly think about how he had never been in a car this nice before. It wasn't brand-spanking new, but it almost felt like it with how clean it was. The car was spotless really and it was obvious that Steve took extremely good care of his ride.

"This is... uh, a nice ride," Eddie said, running his hands over the dash as Steve drove, before sitting back again.

"Thanks," Steve replied, chuckling a little. Eddie really was admiring the car; he wasn't a gear-head but he could appreciate a nice ride. Thrill bubbled in Eddie's stomach all of a sudden as he glanced at Steve.

"How fast can this thing go?"

Steve looked at him in turn, the moment drawing out between them before Steve's lips cracked into a smile.

"Want to find out?"

Eddie's eyes widened and he smiled back, surprised and pleased that his ask was being met. God, it was so stupid. They were being such teenagers right now. Steve in his daddy's bought, fast car with the punk, bad-influence kid in his passenger's seat ready to tear it up on the freeway.

Steve pulled off the main road and Eddie's stomach swooped with excitement. He didn't know where they were going but he figured Steve knew somewhere they could drive without hitting anyone. He didn't want to be stupid about it, maybe a bit reckless, but hey--they were young. When else were they going to do this shit?

Eddie leaned forward, turning on the radio and fiddling with the dial.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked, sounding amused as they drove towards some back, country road. Perfect.

"Finding the right music!" Eddie replied, sounding equal parts excited and exasperated for being asked. He was flicking through the dial quickly, only pausing for a beat or two before switching again until he found what he was looking for.

"You done?" Steve asked as Eddie paused for a moment longer to confirm that he liked the song. He looked at Steve before cranking the volume dial and sticking his tongue out.

"Let's fucking go," Eddie whooped, sitting back and bracing himself as he felt Steve hit the gas and they started rocketing down the road.

Fear mingled with thrill as Eddie sat back, holding onto the door as they drove down this pitch-black road. He shouted with excitement, obviously stressed but having a blast. Steve seemed cool as could be, smiling with the thrill of it too but none of Eddie's anxieties.

"Fuckin' hell--" Eddie managed as they reached a bend and Steve slowed down to take it. He started to decelerate, their quick little drag race having finished.

"We should do that again!" Eddie continued, panting a bit as he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Chill out--" Steve snorted, falling back into the rules of the road as he stopped at an unmarked rail crossing. "Cops like to drive around here--we'd be risking it."

"Boooo," Eddie called, smiling in a joking way. He understood and he wouldn't push it even if he wanted that adrenaline rush again.

"Another time then," Eddie replied finally, pausing for a moment as he realised he had assumed he'd be in Steve's car again for some reason.

"Sure," Steve answered back easily, chuckling a little.

Eddie glanced at him, before reaching to turn the music volume back down. He didn't turn it off though, needing the quiet metal to help settle him.

Steve sure did laugh a lot, didn't he? Was Eddie really that amusing?

Eddie felt his pocket buzz and he squirmed before taking his phone out. It was Wayne. He was asking if Eddie needed a ride, surely expecting that Eddie had lost track of time or something like that. Eddie let the car fall into silence as he replied back to Wayne, feeling a bit weird all of a sudden. He kept typing and retyping what to say.

No, I got a ride from a friend. Were Steve and him friends?

I'm good. Too vague, it would worry Wayne too much.

Some guy gave me a lift. That sounded sketchy as hell. Eddie just settled on 'no, I got a ride' and left it at that, but it made him feel weird regardless.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked, drawing Eddie's attention back to him.

"Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Just my uncle wondering how I was getting home," Eddie explained, feeling weird about Steve asking him something like that. Robin had been right... he really wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"So," Eddie said, breaking the silence, running his hands over the seat, "this car get you mad puss?" He asked, his tone jovial and teasing as he stuck his tongue out between his fingers, being lewd on purpose. He didn't know why his default was raunchy humour, but it had tumbled out of him before he thought too hard about it.

"God, shut up--" Steve replied in good humour, sounding surprised and amused by the sudden comment.

"I know I've got a reputation, but jeez, man," Steve laughed, driving them back onto the main road towards Hawkins.

"So... that a yes?" Eddie teased, enjoying this little banter.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, before glancing at Eddie out of the corner of his eye with a wry smile.

Eddie burst out laughing at that, finding it more than a little amusing that Steve was leaning into the tease and taking it on the chin.

"Fuck, dude," Eddie giggled, not sure why that was just so amusing. It felt so weird to have good-boy, Steve Harrington talking to him about getting laid. This was so fucked up. This was so fucking weird.

"So," Steve started as Eddie stared out the window, still grinning to himself a bit, "how long have you known you were..."

Eddie glanced at Steve before lounging against the door, smiling at him.

"Queer?"

Steve looked at Eddie from the corner of his eye, obviously a little unsure of himself.

"You can say it you know," Eddie offered, crossing his arms and looking nonplussed. "If you are one, you get to say it as long as you're not like slurring it at someone or something. Welcome to the restricted section."

"Alright..." Steve replied, sounding a little unsure still. Eddie smiled at that too, finding it a bit charming how baby gay Steve was over the whole thing. He felt a bit superior all of a sudden, and he liked that feeling with Steve. He was in a fast car with the most popular boy in school and he was talking to him about how to be queer. What a trip.

"Since forever," Eddie replied, "I've known since forever. It was more weird for me to figure out that not everyone felt the same way. Like, girls--guys, whatever. Hot people are hot, end of story."

Steve nodded to that and Eddie tucked into the corner of his seat, feeling cool and relaxed as he watched Steve drive.

"You?"

Steve seemed to waffle a bit at the question, putting too much thought into it no doubt.

"I don't know," he finally replied, looking dissatisfied with his own answer, "somewhat recently, I think? It's like... I acknowledged it maybe a few months ago but, I don't know. Before that, I sort of felt like I was being dramatic or something? Like, obviously, I like girls so that's fine, it felt kinda... cliche?"

Eddie cringed a bit at the phrase Steve used, nodding his head and glancing away. He had much the same judgment towards Steve until recently. That had been unfair. It didn't matter that Steve was popular or that there had been less risk involved in his 'coming out' compared to Eddie. He was pretty and sporty and even if there was something a little cliche about an all-American boy like him turning out to be queer it didn't mean it was wrong.

"Your folks know?" Eddie asked, talking softer, not wanting to pry if Steve didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah," Steve answered easily, his tone unreadable. "They knew before I uh... came out socially?"

Eddie nodded, rubbing his head against the window and feeling the car vibrate under him.

"They... cool?" He asked, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing. He was older than Steve, but he didn't really feel like he was. Steve had so much... going on. He had his own car, activities, career paths--he seemed so put together. He was perfectly coiffed and dressed, his car spotless... Eddie was the exact opposite. He wanted to be a musician and he worked hard at it, but sometimes it felt like he was putting all his eggs in one basket.

"Uh.... yeah, mostly," Steve replied, sounding a bit hesitant.

"That great, huh?" Eddie asked, smiling lightly and trying to sound sympathetic.

"No, well, my mom seems pretty accepting of it. Unsure like... nervous? I don't know. My dad... I don't really know what he thinks yet. He's--it doesn't matter."

Eddie frowned slightly as Steve cut himself off. It was a personal topic and he didn't blame him for not wanting to share, but it felt kind of bad to hear Steve say it didn't matter.

"What about your uh... uncle?" Steve asked, sounding awkward as he shifted the conversation.

"Yeah, he's cool," Eddie replied, looking back out the window, "I don't think he really knows how to be supportive necessarily so he's just like... trucking on but he's never dropped the ball. Treats all my... gay shit as if it was just normal shit." Eddie replied, laughing a little bit. He knew he was lucky to have Wayne. Not every queer person had a supportive family and once upon a time, he hadn't had that either. Wayne was a saviour... in more ways than one.

"That's... cool," Steve answered and Eddie snorted a little at how awkward the delivery had been.

"What?" Steve replied, sounding a bit amused.

"That's... cool," Eddie mocked, making his voice sound girly and vapid.

"Shut up," Steve scoffed, drawing up the syllables a bit.

Eddie grinned, liking that Steve seemed to be easy to torment. He went for the bait every time, but he never seemed overly offended.

"Gee wiz, Eddie, your uncle seems like such a cool guy," Eddie continued, being annoying on purpose. He kept it up as Steve started to laugh in mock annoyance. "Let's you go to a pre-teen party and everything."

"Stop--" Steve booed, glancing at Eddie quickly before purposefully wobbling the steering wheel and making the car quickly veer back and forth.

Eddie jolted up right at the movement, grabbing the door.

"Shit--don't--" Eddie squawked, smiling despite how that had made his stomach drop.

"Asshole--" Eddie jeered, looking at Steve who was grinning back at him. Okay, so Steve was actually fun? Was this why Dustin and those kids liked him so much? Mr. Uptight-jock was actually a little bit of a wild child hidden behind good hair and a dazzling smile?

Eddie settled into his seat, feeling kind of good about the night as he looked back out the window and let the rest of the drive grow quiet. They weren't far from Hawkins now and a part of Eddie felt kind of strung out from the weird emotional whiplash of the night.

"You know," Eddie said as they pulled up towards the trailer park, "you're actually not a bad guy, Steve Harrington."

Steve looked at him, eyebrows pinched in with mild concern.

"Thanks?"

"It's a compliment," Eddie scoffed in a friendly way, unbuckling his seatbelt as Steve drove slowly down the gravel road.

"Oh, well, thank you then," Steve reiterated a bit more sarcastically.

"You're also kind of a bitch," Eddie retorted, smiling at him and getting an incredulous sound from Steve. The car pulled to a stop and Eddie climbed out. He shut the door but lingered a second until Steve rolled down the window. He leaned over the frame and looked in at Steve.

"I can see why those kids think you're kind of cool," Eddie continued, feeling kind of... charmed. "Guess that makes you cool in my books too."

"Cool? Or cool?" Steve asked, mocking Eddie's previous buffoonery.

Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he leaned back.

"You're a bit of a dork too, you know that?"

He liked dorky guys.

"A dork? This? Coming from you?" Steve asked, inching his car forward a bit to keep Eddie in view of the window.

"Oh, cram-it," Eddie retorted, flipping Steve off through the window. He patted the doorframe lightly, careful not to hit it with any of his rings.

"Thanks for the ride though," Eddie swallowed, not really looking at Steve but still trying to be friendly.

"Yeah, man. Don't worry about it."

Eddie nodded, feeling weird about just walking away. He kind of wanted to stay out, chat more, and just listen to the radio with Steve which was... a weird thought. They didn't really have anything in common, and somehow Eddie knew that they weren't going to talk again at school. Steve was popular, he wasn't. Eddie was graduating this year, and Steve was 16. They ran in completely different circles.

"Kay, well, later then," Eddie offered, half waving his hand in front of the window before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking towards his trailer. Steve didn't say anything back, but he waited for Eddie to get his door open before pulling away like a proper gentleman.

The whole night felt... so odd to Eddie. He didn't know if he could say he had a good time, or even what had happened during the night, but it had been... nice. It had nothing to do with the mixer or anything Eddie had prepared himself for that night but instead, his good mood rested solely on his interaction with Steve. It was so weird and it left him feeling like he was in limbo. Like this night had been a weird pocket event and he'd never have a repeat of anything like it again. Nothing big had happened, nothing important, and there was nothing to remember about it really... but it felt like he wanted to hold onto it somehow.

Eddie huffed and stretched his lips, before finally taking the last few steps into the trailer. There was no point dwelling on something he couldn't touch and thinking too hard about it would probably ruin everything anyways. This could just be a one off. He could just look back on this and think about how nice it had been to bond... with Steve Harrington.

#steddie #in later chapters Eddie pretends to be a dorky vampire #steddie fic #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #my_writing #i really love writing them “getting together”#i think it's so fun to explore all the different ways it could happen

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multi-writer · 2 years

Text

The Broken Hearts Club - Eddie Munson

Friends Ending

Lovers Ending

Summary: After being best friends for years you finally decided to tell Eddie about your feelings. But what happens when an unexpected person comes along to ruin your plans?

A/N: Guess who´s back? and with a 5.3k words (or 12 pages) angst about Eddie? Hell yeah. This is a bit based on @/bloomsbury art. She´s amazing, all her works are *Chef kisses* and I needed to write this lol. I´m thinking this will have two endings - Lovers ending and Friends ending. (BTW I'm also working on another Steve fic, another Eddie one shot and the next chapter of Love in the Past) Thanks for all your support and I hope you like this fic too!

Warnings: curses, angst, nothing about the upside down happened,.

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The words became landscapes, people, emotions. Your eyes passed line after line, taking in all the ideas and creations that the author had put into his work. The noises around you dissipated the moment you stepped into the book, even the boys next to you had become invisible to the characters and their actions that enveloped your mind. Or so you thought until a knock next to you brought you out of your world.

“Ready for the new adventure coming?" asked Eddie Munson happily as he sat down at his place at the table. Gareth, Dustin, Mike and Jeff shouted a -Yeah!- excited about Eddie's new plan to get them into his D&D world. The boy smiled and then turned his gaze to you causing you to close your book and place it on the table, your elbow landed next to it to cup your cheek with your hand and look at it expectantly.

"Ink!" shouted Eddie with one of the many nicknames he had given you for your taste in books "Any plans or suggestions to make the new world more entertaining?". You just shrugged.

"I still don't know what you have planned Munson, I must read it to give my opinion. Now if you will allow me to go back to my book" You said as you picked it up again and opened it to the page where you had left off.

"After school come to the van and I'll show you what I have" Eddie said to get a thumbs up from you agreeing to his plan. The rest of the guys continued to talk about how excited they were about the new plan Eddie was going to create for them to play with. You, from time to time, looked up to admire the long haired boy talking enthusiastically to his buddies making you smile.

You and Eddie had met years ago at the town library when you were both looking for something new to read. The boy was fighting with a local helper while you were behind him waiting to check out more books. Hearing that the 15 year old boy couldn't find anything like LOTR -and that the assistant didn't know how to help him- you decided to recommend him 'Salem's lot' book by a new writer who was dedicated to horror, a very different reading from LOTR but that you had liked a lot. The boy accepted the book in surprise and decided to take it to him instead of continuing to fight. Seeing him go, you just smiled and signed the borrowing list for 'The Shining' book by the same author. When you came out you found Eddie sitting on the stairs waiting for you as he started to read the book, when he saw you he quickly stood up and introduced himself by extending a hand to you. Since then, the two of you were inseparable, even when he was two years older than you, you would always go out to play or talk forming a crush for the boy. Now, just out of high school, you were ready to confess your feelings to him.

"Eddie? Did Chrissy throw you a smile? And you smiled back?!" Your friend's exclamations brought you out of your literary bubble to look at Eddie, then turn to see the cheerleader leaving the cafeteria and return your gaze to Eddie who was still looking at the girl.

"What...what's going on?" you asked in a shaky voice fearing the worst. Eddie just shrugged his shoulders and stood up on the table to make dramatic talk.

"As you know it's my senior year" he held out his arms as Jeff let out a groan interrupting his friend.

"Dude, you've been saying that for two years" The boy put his face in his hand in boredom. Eddie just held up his finger as he smiled at him.

"Well being my senior year, I finally got up the nerve to talk to Chrissy and I'm going to try to ask her to go out with me" he put his hands on his chest. "And not only will I walk out of here with a diploma in hand flippin Higgins the bird, but I'll walk out of here with the queen of Hawkins in my arms."

For every comment Eddie made your face was dropping, as if the life had gone out of it. Gareth discreetly put his hand on your leg making you jump a little in surprise and turn to look at him. The boy looked at you with sad eyes for what was happening. Gareth had discovered your crush on Eddie a year ago when he inadvertently overheard you talking to Robin about your love for your best friend.

"Besides, it would be perfect! She and I have known each other since we were kids!" exclaimed Eddie as he jumped down from the table startling some girls. Hearing the bell Eddie grabbed his things quickly. "I'll go talk to her before she goes into class. This is finally going to be my year!" he yelled as he walked out of the cafeteria causing several students to let out a laugh.

The rest of the guys started to get up from the table to grab their stuff and go to their classes, leaving you alone with a broken heart and in shock at what had just happened.

"But... we knew each other when we were kids too" You said quietly as you watched the door where Eddie had left.

-.-

"I'm telling you, of all those losers you could have fallen in love with you decided to do it with Eddie Munson" Robin commented as you both walked to your lockers after a day of classes. "There's even dingus! If you like you can come with me to work and who knows, maybe something will happen" Said your girl best friend as she put her books in her locker, you were leaning on yours as you thought about what you were going to do.

"It's not that simple Robin, it's not that Steve isn't cute, but there's something about Eddie that's different, plus the way I feel about Eddie has been since I was a kid." you commented as Robin let out a sigh and closed her locker to grab you by the shoulders.

"Hun, I know it's hard, but I don't want you to end up with a broken heart just before you finish high school. Tell me, did you get the letters from the colleges yet?" Robin tried to change the subject making you smile.

"I already got two, but Columbia´s still missing," you commented. The girl let out a small 'Yes!' as she punched the air with her fist.

“You better tell me when you get your answer, then you will leave this place to start living and become the best writer in the world. Who knows, maybe you'll become so famous you'll meet Tom Cruise and get married and have lots of babies. I mean, have you see him in ‘Top Gun’?" She said as she raised both eyebrows making you let out a laugh. Robin managed to distract your mind for a moment until Gareth and Jeff approached.

"Hey, have you seen Eddie? It's almost time for D&D" commented Jeff as he rubbed both hands together excitedly. You grabbed your backpack and started walking to the school exit along with the two boys and Robin.

"No, I'll go to his van to check that everything is well planned and that this new game goes well" you commented smiling, the boys watched you happily and then said goodbye to go to the drama room where they would get ready to play.

"Want a ride? Nance will pick me up to take me to work" commented Robin as she stopped in front of the school doors. You just shook your head.

"I'm fine, thanks. I'll go check out that D&D thing" you told her as you pointed to Eddie's van.

"Perfect, if anything happens call us" Robin started to walk away when she saw Nancy in her car waiting for her. "And remember!" she yelled. "Tom Cruise is a thousand times better, and that's a lot coming from me!"

You just shook your head as you smiled and started walking towards Eddie's car, from which music was blaring, giving you to understand that the boy was inside. As you approached you held your backpack tightly with one of your hands to open the door with the other.

When you opened the car door you were confronted with a scene you hadn't expected to see yet. Chrissy was on Eddie's lap as they both quickly separated to see who had interrupted them. You let out a little scream and then slammed the door shut to leave them alone. Heat ran down your cheeks from the embarrassment you felt as a lump quickly formed in your throat. Inside the car you could hear noises from both teenagers for a moment until the door slammed open again.

"Hey, sorry you had to see that" Eddie commented with a relaxed smile as he held his notes in his hand. "Here's what I was thinking of doing for D&D, anything or suggestions let me know, okay?" he asked as Chrissy's voice could be heard inside the Van calling for him. The boy smiled even wider and handed you his notes to start getting into his car. "Oh, and tell the rest that I'll be there in a few moments" he commented one last time and then closed the door in your face without giving you a chance to say anything else.

You saw his notes in your hands for a few moments and then saw the car door, the music was still playing and this time it was accompanied by Eddie and Chrissy's laughter. You just turned around and started walking towards the school as small tears fell from your eyes and you bit your lip to keep from sobbing on the spot, your cheeks still red with embarrassment. You quickly made your way to the school entrance to go to the Drama room and drop off Eddie's notes.

You weren't planning to check them out.

As you walked in you could hear the voices of the boys excited about their new game. Gareth was the first to turn around, who, upon seeing you, quickly got up from his seat to walk over to you and hug you.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly as you held his shirt tightly for support.

"Eddie and Chrissy" you commented between breaths, however Gareth understood. The boy directed you out of the room so you could have more privacy in the empty hall.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gareth said as he continued to hug you. You just pulled away and denied as you wiped your tears with the palm of your hand.

"No... just take this, the notes. Give them to him when he gets here, yes?" you asked as you handed him the notes and then rubbed your hands on your arms comforting yourself. Gareth just looked at the notes and nodded.

You mumbled a small 'thank you' and started walking towards the school exit to go straight home. You weren't planning on staying to watch them play after what had happened. The walk home wasn't long, so when you arrived you were still crying about what had happened earlier that day.

How had Chrissy gotten in a few days what you had waited more than five years for?

Life was truly unfair.

As you entered your house you could hear your mother in the kitchen listening to the radio to make the place feel so lonely. You left your backpack in the living room and then went to the bathroom. In the mirror you could see that your eyes were crystal clear while the rest of your face was red from crying, you took your time trying to recover and wet your face. When you came out you went straight to your room.

"(Y/n) Is that you?" your mom asked from the kitchen as you lay down on your bed.

"Yes! I'm going to sleep for a while!" You shouted to her as you hugged one of your pillows, hearing no answer you closed your eyes and thought of something other than Eddie. You stayed like that until you fell asleep.

Hours later you felt a hand on your shoulder trying to wake you up while at the same time you felt a gust of wind coming through the window.

"Eddie...?" you asked as you tried to wake up.

"No honey, it's mom. You got mail" Your mother said in a soft voice so as not to upset you, you kept trying to regain consciousness until your brain caught what your mother had said.

You got mail.

You quickly got out of bed to run downstairs. In the kitchen you saw that your mother had put the other two letters next to the new one. You had only applied to three colleges, so your heart was pounding with nerves. Your mom came up behind you to pull up a chair so you could sit down.

The first letter was from Northwestern University, your third choice, which you quickly opened and ran your eyes down the lines hoping to find one you liked.

"I'm in!" you smiled at your mom who hugged you tightly. You pushed aside her response to then open the next letter and second choice. Sadly University of Pittsburgh had left you on the waiting list.

Nervously you looked at your first choice. Columbia. That was your dream since you knew you wanted to write, so you slowly reached out your hand and took the letter. You opened it with all the patience you had at the time, running your eyes over the lines of the letter and taking in all the information you could gather. When you found your answer you let out a gasp and ran out of your house with letter in hand.

You had never run as fast as you did that night, when you arrived at Eddie's trailer you knocked loudly on his door until someone opened the door. Wayne was looking at you while carrying a cup in his hand.

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" The man asked tenderly, after all he saw you as a daughter watching you grow up along with his nephew. You, between breaths, showed him the letter from Columbia. The man read the letter slowly and then let out a sigh of relief and hugged you tightly. "I knew you would make it, you are a pride for all of us," he said between tears. "Eddie's not here, he's out with that girl and I don't know when he'll be back. Do you want me to tell him the good news?" you just shook your head.

"No, I'd like to tell him myself Wayne" you commented as you hugged the letter containing your future. You didn't think to tell him that the fact that Eddie was with Chrissy hurt you - However, Wayne knew about your feelings for his nephew - the man just nodded and then gave you another hug to congratulate you - or maybe comfort you.

Behind Wayne you could see the clock and noticed that Robin was not yet off work, so you said goodbye to Eddie's uncle and started walking straight to the video store. Images of Eddie with Chrissy flashed through your mind and then changed to Columbia. Finally good things were happening.

When you arrived you noticed Robin and Steve arranging several movies, the sign at the entrance said that the store was already closed, but you didn't care and walked through the door making the little bell ring.

"Can't you read? We're closed" Steve said without looking at you as he continued doing his work. Not hearing you leave, the boy turned to look at you. "you doesn't listen either? What already..." you interrupted him by lifting the letter in your hands causing Robin to let out a scream and run to hug you pushing Steve on his way causing the boy to let out a small 'hey'.

"You got in! You got in didn't you? Because if you didn't this would be really awkward" Robin started rambling while holding your shoulders, you just nodded with a huge smile and then hugged again. As you pulled apart you could see Steve looking at you with a smile as he came over to hug you.

"Congratulations" he whispered in your ear causing you to thank him equally whispering.

"Now if you'll have a chance to make a name for yourself, meet Tom Cruise and finally forget about Eddie" Robin commented without thinking causing Steve to pull away from you abruptly to grab your shoulders.

"Eddie? Like Eddie Munson" The boy looked at you quizzically as you nodded shyly, Robin just kept quiet as she watched you, noticing that no one was talking, the girl continued.

"But it doesn't matter, you will leave this place and live the life you deserved and wanted for a long time" She commented as she lifted her shoulders.

"Besides Eddie is with Chrissy" you commented looking at her causing her to stop dead in her tracks and turn to look at you in surprise.

"What? What do you mean?" Robin walked over as you explained to her what had happened outside the school after she had already left. When you finished Robin gave you a hug to comfort you as Steve shifted his gaze from you to Robin.

"What the fuck is going on? I come out of school and the freak is dating the prettiest cheerleader. Nothing makes sense" Steve commented quietly only to get a smack from Robin to shut the guy up. "But it doesn't matter! What matters is that someone from this town will fulfill their dreams at one of the top colleges in the country!" Steve tried to fix what he had said by making you laugh. You won´t let anyone take away your happiness.

However, the next few days and weeks were more complicated. You saw them every day showing some affection causing your jealousy to grow even more. But it all went downhill a few weeks before graduation. At lunch time you were the first to arrive at the table so you decided to take out one of your favorite Stephen King books - you didn't feel like reading something romantic and remember that didn't exist in your life - and distract yourself while the rest of the group arrived. One by one they began to arrive and talk about what they had done the night before.

"(y/n) why haven't you come these days?" asked Dustin as he looked at you with his sparkling eyes and a small smile making you smile. Gareth was just silent as he looked at you worriedly.

"I wasn't feeling well, I wanted to go home to rest before the big day" you commented as you continued your reading. "Hope you didn't miss me too much" you finished jokingly.

"Don't worry, Chrissy made sure there wasn't a girl missing from the game" Mike commented nonchalantly as he began to eat. You looked up so fast you thought you had hurt your neck.

"What?" you asked as you forgot what you were reading, your breathing became faster and faster and instead of sadness, anger began to fill your body. Mike continued talking without seeing that everything he was saying was affecting you.

"Yes, she has come with Eddie and seeing that you haven't been with us she took your place so no players were missing so -OW!" Mike shouted while holding his leg, Gareth -who had hit him- ran a hand across his neck signaling Mike to shut up. Before the boy could say anything else, Eddie arrived along with Chrissy, who sat her on his lap. The cheerleader just let out a small giggle as she blushed at the show of affection.

"Wow, Stephen King! I heard he´s al about horror" Chrissy, cute as ever, tried to draw you out while giving you an honest smile. It was impossible to be mad at her. You just smiled forcedly and nodded.

"He's one of my favorite writers. He's still relatively new to the world of literature but his stories are amazing" you commented as you closed your book then brought your hands under the table and scratched your palms in anxiety. Eddie let out a small laugh causing you both to turn to look at him.

"It's entertaining but kind of slow, personally they're not my thing" he commented as he gave Chrissy a small kiss on the cheek. His comment hurt thanks to the fact that Stephen King books were the reason the two had started their friendship. Chrissy, seeing that the comment had affected you tried to fix the situation.

"But they sound very interesting! Someday I'd like to read them" Chrissy turned to you with a smile as you looked angrily at Eddie.

"You're not going to like them, they're kind of boring" continued Eddie oblivious that you were getting annoyed.

"Eddie..." continued Chrissy. "I don't think-" you interrupted the girl.

"No Chrissy, let him continue. Tell me Eddie, what else is boring you" You said as anger began to take hold of you. Eddie took it as a sign to tease you a little.

"The people who read them. There's something about them that, I don't know, I don't like them" Eddie continued with a smile thinking they were playing games, however you finally snapped, so you got up to quickly grab your stuff and leave. His comment hurt a lot more than he could believe.

"See you guys later" you commented as you left the cafeteria, eyes filling with tears from frustration. Robin, seeing you leave, turned to Eddie to give him the finger and go after you. The entire hellfire club -and Chrissy- were silent, shocked at what had just happened. Eddie was speechless at your reaction, not expecting you to be so upset.

Robin met you in front of your locker as you threw your books down hard and wiped your tears with your hand, frustrating you even more. You, noticing Robin, started saying everything you had been holding in your chest.

"How dare he say such stupid things" you said to her as you slammed your locker shut. "He's an idiot!" you yelled as you kicked your locker trying to get all the anger out, your actions surprised Robin, who had never seen you like this before. Apparently years of holding in a feeling can take a serious toll on a person, especially when you saw them happy with another person.

"Besides, look at them! They're the perfect couple!" You continued in a mocking tone. "She's a walking rainbow, always positive and kind and the perfect popular girl while he's dark shades and metal and what everyone would fear. They complement each other perfectly! God I've been in love with him for years! What an idiot to think I had a single damn chance!" you put your hands over your face so your scream of frustration wouldn't be so loud.

When you took your hands away from your face you found not only Robin -who was leaning on the lockers while looking at the floor and biting her lip- but also Eddie who looked at you surprised by what he had heard.

The three of them were silent not knowing what to say, it was as if your voice had disappeared and his mind had gone blank. Eddie was the first to react by slowly approaching you as if he was afraid you were going to hurt him.

"Hey... I think we need to talk about this" You only shook your head, the boy finally had his desired girl in his arms, besides this was not the way you wanted him to find out about your feelings. You slowly turned around and started to walk away from him, but Eddie had other plans. The boy ran in front of you to grab you by the shoulders. "Look, if this was about the book I'm sorry, it was just a joke dude."

Dude

It was the first time he called you that and the worst time.

You looked at him angrily, eyes red and crystalline. You were already tired of everything that was happening and you didn't think you could take it anymore.

"Don't talk to me, don't come near me, let alone don't think I want to keep putting up with this. Goodbye Eddie." You forcefully removed his hands from your shoulders and then walked towards the school exit. You didn't plan on being there another minute.

Eddie stood looking at where you had gone, trying to think about what had just happened and what he had done wrong to have lost you. His thoughts were interrupted by Robin, who nudged him with her shoulder to go after you.

"If you thought this was all about a stupid book then you're a bigger idiot than I thought you were" Robin commented as she walked off to find you and not leave you alone. After all what you needed most at that moment was a shoulder to cry on and a friend to hug.

-.-

The next few weeks passed quickly, between classes and packing what you were taking to Columbia kept you busy and Eddie out of your mind. Since that sad day you hadn't gone near the table where you used to sit, nor had you talked to any of the club. You just went to sit with Robin and the school band to read. Before you knew it your room was almost empty and graduation day had arrived. You proudly received your diploma as your parents, Wayne, Steve, Robin and Gareth shouted with happiness for you.

Tears were falling and smiles were adorning the place, after a long time you were finally free and you were leaving the place. In the distance you heard screams and saw that the Hellfire club was screaming with excitement because their friend had finally graduated, Eddie looked happy for what had happened, causing you to smile a little, after all you still loved him. Your smile turned nostalgic as you watched him take pictures with Chrissy as they hugged and kissed. Your heart ached not only to see the two of them together, but because you would not see Eddie again for a long time.

Losing your best friend since childhood hurts more than losing a lover.

Robin, dressed in her graduation gown, seeing you looking at Eddie, draped her arm over your shoulders to regain your attention back to your parents and friends.

"We need to go celebrate, after all you are almost leaving and I don't want your last day at Hawkins to be thinking about an idiot" she commented with a smile making you smile as she broke away to take one of your arms. Steve took your other arm to lead you towards the exit of the school you would never set foot in again.

It was time to celebrate.

Eddie looked for you among his friends, Chrissy and the crowd of people so he could hug you, after all you had managed to survive high school too. As he watched you leave with your friends and family -without turning to look at him- he let out a sad sigh and then turned his attention to Chrissy and smile. He had finally graduated and had the queen of Hawkins on his arm.

But why did he feel incomplete?

All afternoon Eddie thought about you, about what had happened, about how he wanted to go with you to celebrate together, to hold you, to be with you. The club had each gone home to enjoy the vacations, Chrissy was with the rest of her cheerleading friends who had graduated and Eddie was lying on his bed in his trailer. Wayne slowly approached with a small cake he had bought Eddie to celebrate his achievement. It wasn't much but it was special to both of them. As he saw his boy lying in his bed he realized how much he was hurting.

"Do you miss her?" Wayne asked as he walked over to Eddie with the small dessert in his hands making the boy smile.

"Chrissy? I'm going to see her tomorrow" he commented as he took the small treat in his hands. Wayne just shook his head.

"I didn't mean the cheerleader" Wayne's comment caused Eddie to duck his head knowing who they were referring to. Of course he missed you, there was no doubt about that, after all one day it was the two of you against the world and the next day it was the two of you against each other while the world watched. "You know, I didn't think you were going out with her" Wayne continued as he noticed the silence in his nephew.

"What do you mean old man?" asked Eddie with a small smile causing Wayne to give him a little shove for the nickname.

"You two were always together, you were inseparable, (y/n) I mean. After all you always liked her" Eddie lifted his shoulders. "And she'd give anything for you. But you still dated the cheerleader"

Eddie stood for a few seconds thinking until he came up with the answer.

"I was afraid" he said as he set the cake down on the small table next to his bed. "(y/n) is this special girl, she loved to dream and live big, there was no stopping her, wherever she was she lit up the room. And I'm...me."

"That's what she loved most about you, that it was just you" Wayne commented.

"I think I'd rather have her next to me as my friend than lose her forever as my girlfriend" Eddie continued as he lay back down, bringing his hands to his face trying to hide the small tears that were falling from his eyes. "And yet I still lost her."

"You should talk to her as soon as possible. Take it as an advice from this old man" Wayne replied as he patted his nephew's leg then got up to leave for work.

Eddie spent the whole night thinking about everything he experienced with you, his past and his future, in every memory you were with him, he also thought about what Wayne had said.

It wasn't until the next day that Eddie finally made his mind, he got up to change his clothes and get ready, it took him a few minutes to find the keys to his van and run out of the house.

When he arrived at your house he noticed that one of your parents' car was missing, but he didn't minde, maybe one of them was already working. Noticing that it was still early, he decided to go to your bedroom window instead of ringing the doorbell and, among several plans, he managed to figure out how to climb the tree to reach your room. When he was well secured so as not to fall he began to lightly touch your window with one of his rings causing a high-pitched sound. After waiting 5 minutes and knocking 3 times he decided to try to open the window, which gave way easily.

As he entered he began to talk, but stopped when he noticed something different in your room. Several things were missing from your place, the white walls looked at him as they were not caught up with the posters you had and most of your books were missing from your bookshelf. Eddie watched your room some more as his breathing began to quicken at not finding you in your room.

You had already left Hawkins.

#eddie munson fluff #stranger things imagine #stranger things one shot #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn #joseph quinn imagine #joseph quinn fic #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x you #joseph quinn angst #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot

1K notes · View notes

den-ai-d · 4 months

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Ooof...a decade on this site eh?

Oh no, story time incoming!

10 years and yeah, so much has happened already. Originally, I made this blog back when I was in high school as a place to post my drawings; back then, it was all just pencil drawings on paper. Looking at them now...well it was obvious I still had a long way ahead of me LOL. And to think some people assume that everyone skilled enough in art must have had some innate talent for it. CLEARLY, they don't know what they're talking about because I was terrible at it early on!

But I mean, I didn't really think that of my art, did I?

No. In fact, I'm pretty sure that kid me was very much impressed with his own works. See, that child had a very bloated ego and a high opinion of himself. You should ask his poor friends; I'm sure they'd agree that the bugger could take a few lessons on humility with how he'd be sharing all of his silly sketches to them and pontificating on and on about how nice he thinks they are. Yeah, I was an insufferable kid.

But I do think that overinflated ego of mine turned out beneficial for my growth as an artist because without it—without my love for my own art—I wouldn't have stuck to it.

And stuck to it I did.

Went to college soon after that and took a program majoring in biology. Not much of a surprising choice since I've always liked the sciences and figured it would later on give way to a stable career; funnily enough, while I was very passionate about making art, I never thought it would be a profitable source of income. But that didn't mean I'd stop doing it on my free time though! Actually, this was when I got myself my first tablet! And what better way to start my digital drawing experience than to buy a FUCKING EXPENSIVE cintiq!!! With the extra motivation coming from the monetary pressure of such a purchase, you bet your ass I used the hell out of that thing. I was so intent on making use of it that—would you look at that—I still use it to this day! (Wow, they really made those old wacom tablets to last, didn't they?)

Obviously, college work ended up taking a lot of my time so I couldn't really draw as much as I did a few years ago. There were even times when I could only make one painting throughout a whole month; a far cry to my previous output. But even so, I never wavered in thinking that making art—being an artist—was something that was part of my identity; it was something that I always will come back to, no matter how much busy I got contending with course work.

And speaking of which, fuck that! Got my first honest-to-goodness mental breakdown because of all the studying I was doing at one point. See, I'm the type of student that likes getting good grades because BIG NUMBERS so I made it a point to be studious. To the point of insanity, apparently.

Anyway, I got better eventually and it all turned out nice. Even snagged all the awards I could've gotten for my thesis by the end of it! Yes, I am bragging. I deserve it, thank you very much! (For anyone curious, it was a study about plant pigments and using them in solar cells).

After that debacle, I found myself whisked into Adulthood which meant I finally had to find a job. Guess I was lucky since I didn't really have much of a hard experience searching for one. Got accepted into a cosmetics company for a lab position. Hmm, in hindsight, I think they just wanted a fresh graduate who wouldn't demand a high salary and that was me so I got in pretty easily. And honestly, the work was AWESOME. My job ended up with me coming up with formulas for new products. I got to make lotions, shampoos, soaps (ugh, I hated that one), perfumes, toners, balms, scented candles, and—oddly enough that one time—glue! It was a wonderful experience for me since it blended my interest in science and art with how it required me to think of creative ways of applying technical solutions in order to make products that needed to look, feel, smell, and perform a certain way.

As a bonus, I even got to make stuff for myself! I was particularly fond of making creams with menthol. The soothing chill on the skin is just so nice!

It wasn't all good though. I mean the menthol was fine and dandy, I assure you, but even if I was enjoying myself with the work, it just so happens that it just wasn't giving me enough money to provide for the family. Also, there was that one time I splashed chili oil on my eye. A very eye-opening and spicy turn of events to be sure.

With the bills stressing the hell out of me, I then thought to myself: if only I had a marketable skill that I could use in my off time as a way of engaging with a hobby whilst earning money.

Yup, I started my singing career!

LOL no. I opened art commissions for the first time!

It was a very scary experience, mind you. I don't consider myself a social butterfly and the prospect of talking with other people in a transactional context was a big reason why I haven't even considered doing it all this time. Turns out being poor and running out of money outweighed such concerns. Also, my keeping up with art and posting them online all these years seemed to have payed off well; my twitter having then recently crossed over a thousand followers which meant I had a decent pool of potential clients!

And so I bumbled through my first few commissions trying to appear professional and all put together in front of my clients while consistently shitting myself on the inside. Just like all well-functioning adults!

It was October last year when I started. I figured that I wouldn't have much in way of commissioners—what with being new to the business—and that was fine since I didn't have much time to put on them anyways since I did still had to go to work on my day job. What mattered was that it gave me enough of a financial buffer so that I didn't have to worry too much about going under.

This continued to the turn of the year where I was able to juggle both my job and doing commission without much of a hassle. In fact, I noticed that people were actually really interested in getting commissions from me. So much that at one point...I actually made more money in a month than what I would've with my monthly salary! At that point, it was so over! Like, I originally was planning to at least observe how things went within this year and then decide after if I would just keep it as a side gig or go full-time with art. Turns out I was much more impulsive than I expected.

It was on a bright sunny February morning (no cinematic storm clouds in sight, unfortunately) that I decided on a lark to approach my boss at work and tell them that yup, no joke, I was gonna be leaving. I handed my resignation letter a few days later.

I would've liked to say that it was a tearful goodbye with my cherished co-workers whom I've spent the last five years of my life with but...COME ON, I barely talked with those people! Instead, it was a lukewarm farewell between people who just happened to work in proximity to each other. Eh, like I said, I wasn't much of a social butterfly and no one really made an effort to get to know me so oh well. MOVING ON!

Actually, I couldn't just up and leave because there are laws around these kinds of things so I worked there for another month but all that was a blur. Soon enough, I was officially unemployed!

So like I mentioned earlier, I full on did not expect doing art as something that would bring in much in way of income. My parents too thought the same. They said that yeah, art was a good hobby but as job? Let's be serious here! Well, turns out we were wrong all this time. With me fully dedicated to commission work, I was able to take on a larger volume of clients. Not as many as some of you go for (I'm looking at you, people who take ten or more commissions per batch, you monsters!) but enough that I was actually making a stable living! And yeah, WAY more than my now previous job. What an absolute shock to everyone involved; me most of all.

Now it's almost the end of the year, my plans having all but shattered into tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that scatter with the wind as I look back on the past ten years that has led me to where I am today. A lot of time has passed. I graduated high school, college, then got a job. Then graduated from that too. Certain people have come and gone. Some more permanent than others. I've lost friends and made new ones. Tumblr got fucked. Twitter got fucked. The world stopped for two years. For some, it's still stuck in those two years. I made glue in a lab. Almost lost an eye in a lab. I bought chips with my very own money for the first time. I loved people. Hated them too. Things have happened. Things have changed.

I certainly am very different from that kid who was having troubles fitting in with others from his class, what with being bullied and suffering through a particularly angsty teenage (oh my god I was CRINGE). A kid who often sought drawing as an escape to all of those terrible things out of his control.

I guess I'm happy I can still relate to that kid.

#den thoughts #10 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #omg an essay #what the hell #it's 5 in the morning #I wrote this for two hours #me and my pretentious ass #ugh #I'm going to bed

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Happy birthday!! Hope it's okay!

I've read your article about how school bullying follows up child abuse and how child abuse creates the risk of abuse in the future, and I wanted to ask something. Idk how and why but child abuse and school bullying were two different, separate things for me 🤨 like I felt that my first experience of being bullied was in high school. It wan't the same and 'nothing uncommon'. I felt devastated like it was the first time ever I was treated like that. Maybe child abuse just has made me sensitive to others' judgement and to how people percieve me? Like the only truth about who I actually am, is in how others see me. What do you think?

Yeah, it can definitely make you more sensitive to judgment!

I don't know if I can explain this well, but this is something that can happen when you're abused at home, but usually feel safe in public areas: you develop 2 types of behaviour, almost like two personalities, one for home, and another one for public. It also changes how you feel about yourself at home, and how you feel about yourself in public, surrounded by other people. At home you're constantly aware that you're not valuable, that you're despised, that you can be hurt at any moment, and that you're disposable. But with friends and in public social setting, you can feel welcome, valuable, like you fit in.

Then, you have to base your self worth choosing from these two settings; if you're well received in public and amongst your peers, you can decide that well, parents must have been wrong about you, because all of these other people like you just fine and want your around, so your parents obviously don't know shit about you and can go to hell with their dumb opinions. You embrace your image of yourself of a person beloved by your friends and you hold onto that in order to survive the hateful ordeal you have to endure at home, knowing it is undeserved and that you're not all that awful things your parents say you are.

But, deep inside you're still scared that your parents might be right. Because they knew you first, and they knew you the longest, and they watched you grow, and their words are etched into your brain. So you're always careful and looking for warning signs that other people might develop these negative opinions of you as well, it's never a truly 'safe' situation, as long as there are people like your parents claiming confidently that you're nothing but a burden or a waste of space.

So then, when you're clinging to this hope that people in your peer setting will view you in a more favorable way, and then you end up abused in that setting too - that's when your entire view of yourself can crash. Because you just received a confirmation that even people who are not your parents, see you as nothing but a target, someone who is acceptable to hurt and harass and nobody will find you worth protecting and saving. It's absolutely devastating, and it can make you question yourself very deeply on how are you perceived and what is your true identity, if everyone around you is okay with you being abused? It's extremely painful, and very cruel for an abused kid to be given a little hope of normalcy, and then to have it yanked away like that, by some kids who don't even know what they're doing or who they're hurting, they're just in for lashing out at someone vulnerable and unprotected.

I only realized way later that bullying had this same negative impact on my self-worth, even if I didn't know it at the time, because bullies just weren't as violent as my parents, so I didn't need to take them as seriously. But they did mean that I was seen as nothing but a target both at home and social setting, and it did manage to isolate me even more, and make me even more certain that I am not a part of society, and will only be hurt and rejected if I ever try to belong anywhere. It is a very painful thing to be put thru.

So in conclusion, yes, abuse makes you extremely sensitive to how you're perceived in public, because your self-perception has already been challenged and weakened by the trolls that live in your home so having the outside world affirming their stance is devastating.

In the contrast to this, not being abused at home can make your self-perception positive enough, that when you're bullied at school, you're aware that these bullies are the only source in your life who find you an acceptable target and that you will be seen differently, and accepted in all other areas of your life. It's still a crisis in not managing to belong with your peers and being seen as an acceptable target in a social setting, and sometimes pride or shame can stop a person from even confiding in their parents about it, but it shouldn't completely crash their self-perception, like it would happen for an abused kid. (I am speaking here just hypothetically, I might be wrong about this, I don't actually know for sure how non-abused children deal with bullying other than what I've seen in tv shows)

#bullying #child abuse #abusive parents #social abuse #peer abuse #public abuse #home abuse

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jvnifm · 9 months

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{ CLOVER, 21, CST, SHE/THEY } —— welcome to infinite entertainment! it's JUNIPER 'JUNI' KIM, who is the MAIN VOCAL of ESTELLA. i’ve heard whispers that the TWENTY-TWO year old is pretty IDEALISTIC but lowkey SUPERFICIAL. also, doesn’t she remind you of JEON SOMI?

hello !! my name is clover ( she/they, cst ) & i am the mun of juniper 'juni' kim !! under the cut i have a brief history and a personality description as well as a few plot ideas for miss juni !! please give this a like if you'd like to plot with juniper, i promise she's not as superficial as she might seem ( kinda lol )

pinterest board !!

THE SPARKNOTES

juniper yewon kim was born in san francisco, california, usa on june 16th of 2001 (making her a gemini sun with an aries moon and a virgo rising) to two loving parents as well as an older brother and an older sister.

her parents were very much modern day (at the time) hippies, teaching their kids about love and acceptance from the day they were born.

juniper was a generally happy and bubbly child known to her family and friends for her adoration of music. from a young age, her parents joked that she'd one day be famous.

school was especially challenging for her, throughout her childhood she'd get in trouble for not turning in homework or talking during class. she was eventually diagnosed with attention deficit disorder.

this diagnosis lead to her being put in classes that provided extra help to kids with learning disabilities, this caused her to feel insecure about her level of intelligence even at the age of nine years old.

with her doubt in her intelligence, she began to embrace her love for music and asked to be put in singing lessons. her parents being the people they were signed her up before she could even finish her question.

it soon became clear she had a natural talent for not only singing, but performing. when she was focused on music and performing she didn't have to worry about people questioning how smart she was.

her junior year of high school she went on a trip to south korea to visit her extended family. one day, she went out shopping and got scouted by infinite.

her parents, despite their support up to this point, were very hesitant about juniper taking this opportunity. they didn't feel comfortable with juniper leaving everything behind to go do something that could possibly never pan out.

however, they caved after seeing how badly juniper wanted to give it a try. while training, she lived with her grandma who helped her become more fluent in korean.

after four years of training, juniper made her debut as the main vocalist ( and baby ) of estella !!

THE BAD BITCH HERSELF

juniper is very easygoing, always choosing to see the best in people and is never one to rock the boat.

she's been pretty popular with her peers her whole life, always having a solid group of friends around her.

definitely more intelligent than she thinks she is, sometimes she'll subconsciously act dumb as a self fulfilling prophecy of others thinking she's not the brightest star in the sky.

juniper is an independent thinker and is very opinionated despite her rarely voicing these opinions.

she is confident in who she is and her interests, she's very into the occult and all things relating to the paranormal or horror. ask her about her opinion on any horror movie and she'll give you a 352 slide powerpoint about what the film does well and what it lacks.

she's generally competitive and finds good fun in competition until she starts losing. then all hell breaks loose.

circling back to her never rocking the boat, this includes problems she has with people. she'll often go to others to vent or rant which is often interpreted as her being two faced and superficial. she knows this and doesn't really care. if you don't like it, that's your problem. not hers.

she HATES routine, this is one of her least favorite things about being an idol. she prefers to have freedom and do what she wishes as she pleases. she usually just wants to stay home and watch all of the saw movies in a row in a dark room.

she's a very jealous person when it comes to relationships ( platonic and romantic ) and will often do things to hurt her own feelings.

she's extremely animated in how she talks, people usually either love this or hate this about her. it's a 50/50 thing.

juniper is a drama queen in every sense of the word ( i know it's two but that's not the point ) and will exaggerate most stories just to make them more interesting.

juniper is the type of person to tell someone white lies to spare their feelings, she sees this as the kind thing to do which in most cases isn't the right thing to do.

CONNECT WITH THE BAD BITCH

BABY SQUAD!! a group of people who are around her age who she hangs out with.

a gossip buddy, ideally someone as dramatic as she is to match the energy.

perhaps opposite personality friends?? "someone will die." "of fun!" kind of thing

maybe an ex best friend who still shares a bunch of mutual friends w her so they have to be civil with each other.

ride or die!!! please

someone who loves horror movies and will watch them with her for hours!!

on the other hand, someone who hates horror movies but somehow always gets talked into watching them with her.

#infinite:intro #helloooo everyone!#sorry if theres any mistakes #i may have consumed some of the devils lettuce #making her pinterest as we speak

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tinyidle · 1 year

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I'm a young smut writer (going into high school in August), but I'm not open about my age, cause I'm afraid what my following will think. I'd like to think I'm decent at it, with some of my fics getting over 100 notes. I read smut, and write it, because I unfortunately am hypersexual (due to trauma) and I find it a good way to release that energy. My fics are the only thing I find good about my hypersexuality tbh, every other part is just hell.

I am old enough to be on tumblr, just to put that out there !! And I've never stated that I'm older than I actually am, just never clarified.

I feel a little bad not putting my age outright, but I also want my followers and other writers to feel comfortable interacting with me :(

Idk, I just saw that post you replied to abt minor writers/readers and wanted to get opinions on my situation.

I really enjoy writing, I love my anons, and I appreciate the support. But ik if I be honest some people probably wont be comfortable following me anymore, as sad as it makes me to think about, I know I just have to accept it

And if I decide to put it out there, I know I also wont be welcome following most blogs (which sucks since tumblr writers are amazing, esp you, you're my favorite writer on here) 😔

Thanks for reading, I'd like your opinion on my situation if you don't mind 😭 <3

hello ello ello! ive been kinda of busy, keeping up with school notes and reading fics and textbooks and all (im in college), but i read and reread this ask and have been thinking about it since yesterday.

most of us smut writers have been hypersexual minors reading smut at one point and moved or reading into writing, though i can only speak for myself when i decided to write as an adult. personally i suggest to, if you really want to be/continue being a smut writer, to be at least 16 years old (not recommended however), but considering how i calculate what highschool age is and how old i think you may be, you might not fit that criteria and will have people block you if you do disclose your age online.

ive seen (and had at once followed) minors writing smut, but after a while i either stopped reading or stopped following because of either them not being comfortable about it anymore or just me not being comfortable. if you know that that will be the case with you from other writers, i honestly have no other suggestion than to let it happen.

some won't care, but many will since it's already a big no-no in writing to have minors in smut. you can't really help it since most adults dont want to feel like they are indirectly grooming minor writers by encouraging their writing. of course the easiest thing to do is lie about your age, but i personally dont like when people do that (e.g., tiktok pages that have aged between 14-17, like- why not say 15 or smth??), so i go against that.

this might not be what you wanted to hear, but i can only be honest. i still dont condone bullying minors on the internet to do what they do, yet at the same time i cant support something i myself avoid. i dont even stan groups with minors (i literally waited until txt were all adults until i stanned-- and two of the members are my age).

im glad you like my writing, but i hope most of what you like are my non nsfw works (albeit them being minimal).

#answer to anon #smut writing

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floresmarique · 3 years

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Hello! This is the first one shot i wrote that you can find on my Wattpad too! Also, sorry if there are some mistakes, i'm italian so sometimes i still struggle a bit with my english but i hope you like it ♡

Plot; You are a new pupil in the Cobra Kai dojo and to impress John Kreese you fight with his best student, Johnny lawrence. But Johnny will develop some special feelings towards you...

WARNING: This one shot will contain smut and a bit of violence.

Tags; oral, swallowing, a little bit of bully Johnny at the beginning and a tiny bit of fluff.

Enjoy!

Since (Y/N) was a kid, she always wanted to enter the fascinating world of Martial Arts but never had the economic possibility to afford the lessons.

But now that she was in California and her parents had a new well paid job, they encouraged her to join a Karate school and she couldn't believe that when they first told her about it with smiling faces.They always knew that (Y/N) wanted to learn Karate as a child and, with the new money they were making, her parents supported (Y/N)'s passion, which made her happy.

Everytime she came back from school, she always stopped by that dojo called 'Cobra Kai'. (Y/N) couldn't stop looking at the perfect moves of those boys, at their amazing grit.

But there was a thing that worried her; she never saw a girl inside the dojo.

Not having girls was kinda old minded and sexist in her opinion.

It's the 80s, for gods sake!

She thought.

But trying wouldn't be too bad, right?

So one day after school, she finally decided to enter inside that place and the first thing her ears heard were some screamed words by the boys. They all looked like soldiers and the Sensei looked like the captain.

"Strike first, strike hard, no mercy!" They shouted in unison and (Y/N) furrowed her brows.

What kind of motto was that?

She didn't know what she was supposed to do, so she just cleared her throat to catch their attention, hoping to not get humiliated by them or the Sensei.

The Sensei looked very rough and rude and the girl noticed that he had a cobra tattooed on his arm, he was the only one with a black gi while everyone else had a white one.

She always wanted to wear one.

The tall man walked towards her, trying to intimidate her with his glare but (Y/N) kept her head high and stared him in the eyes with a straight face.

"How can i help you?" He spoke with a slight grin on his face.

"I'd like to join your dojo."

After her answer, everyone bursted in a loud laugh and (Y/N) started to feel uncomfortable, especially with the man's glare on her.

"We do not accept girls." Was his simple response and she wasn't surprised about it, but disappointed for sure.

"Why not? Girls are capable of kick asses just like boys."

She didn't expect to be that bold, but did she care? No.

She wanted to challenge herself and demonstrate to those immature people that girls can be just as strong.

"That's very brave of you..." He started to slowly walk around her in a circle, only to stop again in front of her with his arms crossed. "I could give you a chance."

(Y/N) smirked, proud of herself while she took off her shoes to stand on the tatami. She was so excited and loved to see the disappointed looks on the boys faces.

"Let's see how good of a fighter you are, shall we?" The Sensei said and she nodded, repeating in her head the techniques she found in some martial arts books.

She felt ready.

"Lawrence, come here."

A blonde, tall boy with a muscular figure stood on the Sensei side, his expression was filled with anger. (Y/N) also noticed that he had a black eye and a black headband wrapped around his head. She couldn't deny that he was pretty hot, but she was too determined to get distracted.

"He's one of my best boys." Sensei smirked and the boys shared an amused look while sitting down on the tatami in a circle. "Good luck."

The man walked away and she and the boy remained at the center of the tatami in the attack position.

The blonde smirked before speaking.

"I'm gonna go easy on yo-" Before he could finish his sentence, (Y/N) kicked him right on top of his stomach, which made the boys howl in amusement. She was the one smirking now, standing again in the same position as before.

"I'm not gonna go easy on you, blondie." (Y/N) stated, and that was where the boy lost it. He started attacking her with punches and kicks that she perfectly shielded, just to punch him right in the face and kick him on his black belt, making him fall on his back.

Before he could stand up again, (Y/N) positioned herself on his lap and bent forward to put her hands under his shoulders to block him with her dead weight. She once saw that position on a book and it was kinda awkward to do since it looked like she was hugging him.

She could smell his sweat and a little bit of perfume, but she also could feel his warm breath against her forehead and it made her shiver a bit. He was attractive and being that close to him clouded her senses so much that she didn't hear Sensei's voice.

"Enough, you can stand up." He demanded.

When they both stood up, the blonde guy adjusted his gi and looked at her dead in the eyes while (Y/N) observed the shocked expressions of the other boys.

"What's your name?" The Sensei asked, walking towards her again. She tried to catch a little bit of breath before answering.

"(Y/N) (L/N)."

"Well, (Y/N), you're in. Consider yourself lucky, this is a privilege."

(Y/N) couldn't contain her happiness and a smile formed on her lips. She was proud of herself and she was sure that even her parents would have been.

"Thank you, Sensei." She said, but before he could respond, she heard the boy behind them speak.

"What?! Is this a joke?!" The same blonde blue eyed boy spoke. "I let her win, obviously. I bet she is not gonna resist a week here."

"Johnny, i'm the one who makes the decisions here."

So his name was Johnny.

Johnny Lawrence.

She heard of him at school, he was considered the 'bad guy' along with his mates but (Y/N) wasn't intimidated by them.

(Y/N) smirked and held out her hand for Johnny to shake.

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny Lawrence."

He looked at her hand and then stared into her eyes with a killing glare.

"The pleasure is all yours."

Johnny refused to shake her hand and walked away, but that didn't wash (Y/N)'s smirk off her face because she had him exactly where she wanted.

She liked some rivalry.

Or so she thought.

For the next weeks, Johnny made her life a living hell.

He would tease her at school or he would start fights while she walked home, fights that (Y/N) either refused or won. Johnny had enough of that. He couldn't believe that a girl, a so innocent looking girl, could always beat his ass better than him.

On the other hand, Johnny also knew that he could hurt her bad if he wanted to, but the truth was that he didn't want to make her suffer. He didn't want to ruin her pretty face with a kick, so in a certain sense he let her always won.

Johnny knew about her even before she came into the dojo that day, he saw her multiple times around Ali or during P.E.

And he wanted her.

His friends thought that he still had his mind set on Ali, but he moved on as soon as he saw (Y/N) at school and when he saw her enter the dojo, his heart was beating so fast that he was afraid she would actually notice it. When she got on top of his lap to block him, Johnny smelled her hair and felt all of her warmth on his body.

And he got a boner too in that exact moment.

There was something about that look on her innocent face, about her fake naivety that he just loved and needed in every sense of the word.

He teased her only to be around her, only to hear her voice again even if it was just to tell him to fuck off.

But he wasn't the only one who was crushing hard on her.

Bobby, his mate, always talked about her to Johnny.

"I want to ask her on a date." He once told Johnny and the rage he felt inside was about to explode, but he couldn't let them know his feelings.

Not yet.

"Why would you do that mate?" Johnny scoffed. "Our plan is to kick her out of Cobra Kai. She will only cause trouble to our dojo. A girl, please, i don't know what Sensei was thinking. Everyone will laugh at us at the tournament because of her."

Johnny was talking bullshit.

She was perfect for Cobra Kai, she had determination and strenght that even some boys would envy.

She would kick everyone's ass at the tournament.

But he couldn't let Bobby ask her out, because he was sure that she would say yes. They always chatted a bit at the dojo during stretching and they even had two or three classes together.

"Johnny, i think you are exaggerating a little bit. She's a badass and god, so pretty."

And after that, Johnny knew that he had to make her his before Bobby would find the courage to ask her out.

And that time came soon.

After another lesson, (Y/N) went to the changing room to take a shower, as always. She was very surprised that there was a changing room for girls since she was the first one that was accepted, but she never questioned it and was pretty happy to have a whole changing room for herself.

She had plans tho, about revolutionating the whole Cobra Kai so that other girls could join in. She also wasn't a fan of their 'no mercy' motto, honor was much more important to her.

While cleaning up her body under the water, she mentally repeated all the things she learned during the last lesson so that she wouldn't forget them and she got so concentrated that she didn't hear steps inside the changing room.

She hummed 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' while wrapping a towel around her wet body and stepped out of the showers while looking down, adjusting the towel.

"Ohh girls, just wanna have- what the fuck are you doing here?!" Looking up, she saw Johnny completely relaxed on the bench of the changing room, his hair were still a little damp and the blue tight sweater he was wearing perfectly hugged his muscles.

"So is it true, you just wanna have fun?" He raised an eyebrow and gave her a cocky smile.

(Y/N) blushed and wrapped the towel even tighter around her body, embarassed.

"Johnny, what the fuck are you doing here?" She repeated, her cheeks were flushed, both for the rage and embarassment. "Can't you read? It says girls changing room."

"I'm exactly where i'm supposed to be." He stood up from the bench and towered over her figure. (Y/N) rolled her eyes and started brushing her hair while looking into the mirror. "I just wanted to see my dear friend."

(Y/N) widened her eyes and scoffed, shaking her head.

"Friend?" She scrunched up her hair and stared at Johnny's reflection in the mirror. "Since when?"

"Since today." He crossed his arms and observed her, amused by the situation.

"Ok, well, friend" she turned around and sighed. "Can we be friends after i get dressed? We'll talk about this later outside of the changing room."

"Change here, i don't mind. You will not need clothes anyway pretty soon." He nonchalantly said, trying to hide his grin.

"Well i do mind actually, what the hell are-" before (Y/N) could finish her comeback, Johnny pressed his lips on her soft ones, completely shocking her. It was a short kiss, just to see her reaction.

When he pulled away, he stared into her eyes and saw shock in them, but also something that made him smirk.

Lust.

She didn't slap him or even tried to back off. Her slightly open lips and her red cheeks said it all, Johnny didn't need words.

He kissed her again, but in a more ferocious way, and she did the same thing. All the attraction they had for each other was coming out from their bodies and actions.

Johnny backed off while taking her with him, so that he would sit on the bench with her on top of him. She gripped his large shoulders and moaned a little bit when she felt his boner against her thighs. Johnny groaned and held her neck with one hand while the other easily took off the towel from (Y/N)'s still wet body.

"I've wanted to do this for so long." He sighed into her mouth and deepened the kiss. His hands were roaming on her body, not knowing where to stop. He touched her shoulders, her breasts, her arms, her legs.

Her skin was soft and the smell of her was driving him crazy. (Y/N) kissed his cheeks, his forehead and then his lips again, with a desperation that made Johnny even more turned on.

"I always wanted you too..." (Y/N) softly said and caressed his cheek while leaving wet kisses on his jawline and neck. Johnny closed his eyes and then opened them again, he needed to see her desperate for him. He needed to remember her face, her body, the pretty shades of her skin. He wanted her to be printed in his mind for the rest of his life.

"Yeah?" His voice was a lot deeper than usual and also rough. "Fuck, come here."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her again, feeling her little fingers on the buttons of his blue jeans. He knew that she wasn't as innocent as she made people think. And he loved it so much.

"Wait-" He spoke with a ragged breath. "Am i- am i your first?"

He searched for her eyes and when she kept looking down, he raised her chin with two of his fingers so that she could look into his blue eyes.

"Y-Yes." She stuttered.

She was ashamed, but Johnny felt like he was touching heaven with his fingertips.

Because she was the first one for him too.

"You are my first too." He admitted and lightly kissed the top of her nose.

"What about Ali?" (Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief.

"We never did anything like this, only some make out sessions...but never like this." He caressed her lips with his fingers and bit his lip, staring down at her naked body.

He thought she was perfect, every curve on her body was, and he felt lucky to have her in that moment. To even speak to her. She was a goddess for him and he knew he needed to keep her in his life forever, because someone like her would be too hard to forget.

She was something else.

"You know, we don't have to rush..." Johnny calmy said, his voice was soft now and he made sure to keep eye contact with her.

He cared.

"I know, it's fine, i want to do it." (Y/N) said, confident about her decision.

"You want to do it... in a changing room?" Johnny raised his eyebrow and (Y/N) giggled at his shocked expression while caressing his golden damp locks.

"Well, wasn't it your plan?" She asked with a grin and Johnny rolled his eyes, a slight blush was appearing on his cheeks.

"Sort of..." He sighed "I just, i don't want our first time to be here, i want it to be more intimate and special."

(Y/N) thought about that and realized that he was right. They didn't even have condoms and it would have been too uncomfortable to have sex for the first time on a bench, considering the pain.

"I guess you are right." She nodded and gave him a peck on the lips. "But... we could do something else..."

Her fingertips traced the line of his abs, covered by his tight sweater. Johnny inhaled some air and rested the back of his head against the wall, grinning at her.

"Well, that was what i had in my mind in the first place..." He winked at her and took her hand that was placed on his belly, just to place it down on the buttons of his jeans. "Let's see how good you are now..."

(Y/N) felt a certain warmth in her stomach at his words and stared at his eyes while unbuttoning his jeans, her fingers were fast and almost desperate to feel him. Johnny eagerly helped her lower his pants, his white boxers showed the prominent boner under them.

(Y/N) slowly got on the cold floor, on her knees between Johnny's legs. Her heart was beating fast against her chest, she felt heat all up in her body and a deep desire for Johnny. She never saw a dick before, except for that one time in her old city where one of her friends had an adult magazine at school and showed it to everyone, and (Y/N) was pretty grossed out by the view of a penis.

"Do you want it?" Johnny deeply asked, his eyes were filled with desire and lust.

"Yes." (Y/N) said and slowly lowered the waistband of his boxers, only to display his full hard lenght.

She didn't feel grossed out now.

Johnny noticed her surprised expression and softly laughed.

"Like what you see, baby?"

(Y/N) shivered at the pet name and nodded, taking his member in her hand to observe it better. Johnny slightly panted at that and gulped, wanting to feel her hand around him.

"Stroke it slowly, baby..." Johnny placed an hand on one of (Y/N)'s shoulders to keep her going.

She did as she was told and observed his eyes and expressions to understand if she was doing it the right way and, judging by his heavy pants, she was.

"Like that?" She innocently asked, pressing her palm on his lenght while stroking it.

"Fuck, yes, like that" Johnny was already a moaning mess, (Y/N) never saw him look more vulnerable than that and she liked to be the one that made him feel that way. The skin of his dick was smooth and warm and it was probably 7 inches long. The head was red and wet with pre-cum that (Y/N) decided to taste with the tip of her tongue, causing Johnny to groan.

"Oh, god- yeah, keep doing that baby..." (Y/N) smirked at his desperation and pressed her tongue on the head of his cock, licking it up and down. Her eyes never left his face, he looked completely gone to the pleasure.

He looked at her with half lidded eyes, his mouth was in a 'o' shape and he was starting to sweat, (Y/N) could see it on his forehead.

Johnny caressed her hair, encouraging her to take his lenght inside her mouth more. His legs were tensed and (Y/N) gripped his toned thighs while going down on him.

"Mmh..." Johnny closed his eyes and thrusted his hips a little forward, but still carefully and slowly to give her time. "Keep stroking it while you suck it, baby..."

(Y/N) welcomed his thrusts into her mouth and wrapped one hand around the end of his dick, stroking it a little faster. The changing room was filled with Johnny's moans and the sloppy sounds of (Y/N)'s mouth wrapped around him.

She could feel herself getting wetter by the second and felt the urge to touch the area between her legs for some friction.

"Oh shit, yes, yes, i'm so close, love-" Johnny took her head in his hands just to feel her movements and opened his eyes to stare down at her. The sight of the pretty girl he wanted for months on her knees with her swollen lips around his dick, were too much for him. "Baby, i'm about to cum-"

(Y/N) looked up at him and managed to show a little grin while staying on his cock, bobbing her head up and down faster than before.

Johnny took the hint; she wanted him to cum inside her mouth.

"Fuck, you want it don't you?" Johnny bit his lip and rested both of his hands on the sides of her face, his cheeks were flushed and his forehead was wet with sweat. "I'm coming, oh fuck, (Y/N)!"

(Y/N) stopped her movements but kept his lenght inside her mouth, she felt his dick contract various times and then a salty and warm liquid squirted on her tongue. His thighs tensed even more and he never left his grip on her face while riding off his orgasm. (Y/N) made sure to swallow everything till the last drop before letting his dick out of her mouth.

Both of them were breathing heavily and Johnny looked high, still trying to recover from the intense pleasure.

"Fuck" he sighed and smiled softly while watching her standing up. She had messy hair and flushed cheeks, her lips were pink and swollen and Johnny couldn't help but to kiss her. "You are incredible, baby..."

"Well, thank you!" (Y/N) giggled and Johnny stood up, kissing her again but only to make her sit on the bench, on the same place he was some seconds ago.

"But i can't let you go like this..." Johnny was now on the floor, gently opening her legs while staring into her eyes. (Y/N) was dying of embarassment, no one ever saw her intimate parts and she felt self conscious about it.

"Shh, don't worry, let me admire you..." Johnny could see that she was nervous and it was important for him to reassure her. He slowly parted her legs without breaking eye contact. Once he saw how wet she was, Johnny licked his lips and slightly smirked at her, amused by her embarassed expression.

"Do you want me?" He whispered, leaving a wet trail of kisses along her thigh. His blue eyes never left hers while doing so. (Y/N) tensed, feeling him that close to her private area was making her sweat. "Tell me."

"Yes, Johnny." She gulped. "I want you."

He took both of her legs and rested them on his shoulders, getting closer to her pulsating pussy.

"Even out of this changing room?"

(Y/N) smiled and nodded, but Johnny wanted to hear her.

"Tell me." He kissed her inner thigh, getting even more closer to her vagina.

"Yes." She panted. "I want you, always."

Johnny grinned and before (Y/N) could blink, he pressed his entire tongue on her aching pussy, making her moan. He kept looking at her, holding her legs with his strong arms and he started to move his tongue in circular motions on her clit.

"Oh, Johnny..." She gasped and tugged at his blonde hair. Everything was new to her, she never felt something like that and she would have never imagined it to happen with Johnny. She for sure dreamed about it, but never expected it to become reality.

"You like it, baby girl?" He asked her, his voice was deep and his lips red and shiny because of her fluids.

"Yes, Johnny, so much!" She moaned when the blonde started sucking on her clit like he was hungry. He was breathing heavily against her, she could feel his warm breath on her pussy and it made her crazy.

"You taste so good, love..." Johnny whispered and reached one of her breasts with an hand to gently stroke her nipple. "You're so beautiful, fuck."

With his other hand, Johnny teased her entrance with one of his fingers but never left her clit untouched. He slowly inserted the tip of his finger inside of her, feeling how tight she was. (Y/N) let out a light squeal at that.

"How do you feel?" He asked her and slowly pumped the tip of his finger inside her.

"It kinda burns, but it's okay." She panted and nodded.

Johnny repeated the same action and watched as she threw her head back in pleasure. He smirked and added a little bit more of his finger inside of her while applying pressure to her clit with his tongue. He felt her legs shake a bit and heard her ragged breath and he couldn't help but think that she was absolutely perfect in those conditions.

She was close and he could see it and feel it.

"Please, Johnny- Oh!" Hearing her moaning his name made him pump his finger faster with the movements of his tongue.

"What do you want?" He groaned against her.

"I want to cum, fuck!"

"Look at me." He demanded. He needed to have her eyes placed on him, it was like a kink for him. "I want you to look at me while you cum on my tongue..."

(Y/N) looked at him but keeping her eyes open was an hard task with that intense pleasure. She wondered where he learned to do that since he said it was his first time, but he probably just was a natural talent.

Just like her.

(Y/N) felt a weird sensation build up in her stomach, a very heavy feeling and she knew what that meant.

"Johnny, i can't!" She panted and tugged harder at his hair, making him groan.

"Cum then, cum for me (Y/N)..."

And she did.

She did while moaning his name repeatedly, trying to look at him while her toes curled behind his back. Johnny had a proud smirk on his wet swollen lips and licked her fluids with pleasure before standing up to kiss her sweetly on the lips.

(Y/N) still had a ragged breath and was recovering from her orgasm, but she was also scared.

What if he's gonna be an asshole again now and this was just a joke for him? She thought.

They both silently fixed themselves and (Y/N) finally got dressed. Her hair were almost completely dry and she didn't know how to act and wondered why he was so silent now, fixing his hair and clothes infront of the mirror. He looked like nothing happened while (Y/N) was still shocked.

"Will you go out with me this Friday?" He asked and turned around, resting his back against the wall. (Y/N) felt better after his question and gave him a smile.

"Well, usually, boys ask a girl out before they finger fuck her in a changing room-" she grinned and Johnny crossed his arms while letting out a laugh. "But sure, why not."

"Always a tease, aren't you?" He hugged her from behind and (Y/N) felt butterflies in her stomach while he rested his chin on top of her shoulder. "We could go to the Arcade, mh?"

Before she could respond, they heard the voices of the other boys outside of the changing room.

"Johnny!" They shouted. "We have to go, where the hell are you?!"

Johnny sighed and shook his head before speaking again.

"Seems like we are gonna need another shower when we get home, don't you think?"

(Y/N) giggled and gave him a fake disappointed look.

"Yeah, you jerk!" She laughed while putting on her shoes. Johnny gave her a peck on the right cheek and then proceeded to walk away. "Wait, Johnny, have you spied on me while i was under the shower?"

Johnny chuckled and turned his head to look at her.

"Doesn't matter anyway, now."

And after winking at her, he left the changing room with a big proud smile on his face. His mates were shocked when they saw him get out of the girls changing room and howled like little kids.

"Man, what did you do?!" Tommy asked while patting Johnny's shoulder.

Johnny shrugged and smirked.

"Nothing impressive, i'm taking her out on a date on friday."

Bobby was confused and Johnny could see the disappointment written all over his face.

"I thought you wanted to kick her o-"

"There are a lot of things you still don't know about me, dear Bobby" Johnny gave him a friendly slap on the cheek and then saw (Y/N) getting out of the changing room. She waved at everyone and gave a particular smile to Johnny, which he returned. "A lot of things."

#johnny lawrence #karate kid #cobra kai #80s #billy zabka #smut #johnny lawrence smut #one shot

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nishisun · 3 years

Text

suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

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luimagines · 3 years

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I am not a writer. Nor am I a person who posts stuff online,if at all rarely. But I am capable of typing and I am legally allowed to say that I have won a high school writing contest in my 3rd period English class in Sophomore year.I am still,what they call,VERY RUSTY.Take that as you may,but never in my life have I read an anonymous ask that has made me be burts into a desire to want to write down a bunch of story ideas of a dream that stranger had and then share it to another stranger online, to reply to publicly to about 100 more other strangers online. But none the less I STILL want to share to you sone of my--headcanons??--ideas??--bullshit dream story plotline??--(idk)-- I'll try to keep it limited because i don't want you to end up reading a rant novel-

I like to think that this //reader link? I'll just use y/n as a stand in i guess for this character or reader ??sorry if you dont like it,you can change it if you want?//before meeting The Chain Links *tm,she use to have a lot of problems being a #femaleheroinduringmediaveltimes but not in a way that most might see?I don't believe she would have really care for other people's opinions on the matter because she sees it as something very trivial and people will alway find a reason to look down on you and she also wasn't exactly let off easy for it during her training to be the hero of her kingdom.Even if she didn't want it,she was already destined and chosen for this path regardless of any possible sexist belief anyone had to offer.Her being the destined hero and needing to be strong enough to fight against Ganon was the utmost important thing on the to-do list,So bullshit like that was not accepted and they made sure it was in grain into her brain.

"Don't believe your enemies will ever go easy on you no matter what you are".

Most of the problems she would struggle as female I think ,would be on more on the biological side of things,for example like getting her period but being forced to have to truck though them anyways because she was a hero and it meant that you couldn't just take time off from your responsibilities and duty as Hyrule's saviour "just for some bad cramps" when you have lives to be saving and a world that needs to be protecting.So she would just not show any sign of complaint to the others about it or even let alone tell them about it and it just always seemed like from the outside that she would randomly just get super quiet and little withdrawn for no reason every month or so with a sort of tired/vacant look in their eyes?Anon also mentioned them having more of a military knight background and assuming she had been trained to or at least has lead troops into war/battle before,she could definitely be one of the teams best strategist along side with Warrior Link.I can definitely see them getting closer because of this as they're usually chipping in plans together and coming up with ideas/plans with what the best ways to use everyone on the team's special skills for certain position/roles during possible future battles.But a little bit after the whole "river" scenario i can definitely see legend sort of yell at her like

"wtf you is a girl and did not tell??? eXPLANaTiOn?????" "Because i didn't think it mattered??" "iT DoSe MaTtEr! ThAtS a bIG tHiNg!!"

There would definitely be a bit of an intervention with everyone to talk about the issue from "before". Maybe some what after everyone had gotten redressed and suddenly didn't feel like bathing anymore. After that everyone seem...awkward. No one knew exactly how to continue on with the revelation,so they all just stayed quite.At first she mistook this as a sign that everyone handled it well,she tried to continue business as always.While everyone was packing up to head out,she'd suddenly feel everyone's eyes.... Looking at her. When she turned she everyone just minding their own business.Maybe it was all just in herhead.The rest of the walk seem almost dead quiet.The once cheer mood of chatter was now replaced with an awkward tension filled with only small side glances,little quiet whispering from behind and an inability to look her in the face when she tried chatting with anyone.Is this what it was going to be like from now on?No of course not.They wouldn't let something as trivial as this get in the way of their relationship,right?they were still friends,right?

If you have the ability to but the stories in your head into recorded words then that makes you a writer.

No, I will not take any criticism on this matter.

This is beautifully thought out and it was a joy to read. I had to read it out loud out of fear that I would miss something entirely but I'm glad I did.

I would imagine it to be difficult to be on her period simply because when you're traveling there's no supplies to help out or lessen the situation! No cotton, no pain killers, not a lot of hot water to begin with... And yeah, she wouldn't say anything about it because a soldier wouldn't have the time to take care of it, let alone a hero.

She would also be the most used to blood on her clothes out of the group I think at this point. Just takes it upon her self to clean their clothes because they never seem to be able to get all of it and they don't know what they're doing even if she were to tell them how.

The boys think it's some magic technique but no.... it's just experience.

But the reader here that you mentioned would have had good teachers for burning it into her brain that it doesn't matter what body she has or what other people say because she the hero. She was born for this and there's no pleasing any one anyway. the best way out of this is to do the job and make sure you can get out alive.

What I want of the last paragraph is for her to get a little mad and question what the hell s wrong with everyone and then for someone to reply that it would have been disrespectful to look without direct permission because she would have deserved better than that. Like, they're fine with each other because they all have the same parts so like no big deal, but for them so openly show her themselves, verses her being seen openly.

I think it'll be a mixed bag of them being embarrassed that they were seen and that they saw her.

I think the ones least effected by it would be Wind, Warrior and Hyrule. Hyrule, because there's no like no people in his world so he doesn't have the same perception as the others, verses Wind who would probably be weird in the beginning but promptly not think too much on it because he has a sister at home and would help her bath when she was younger, verses Tetra who has had multiple shirts torn in the middle of battle- so who cares?

I was originally going to put Warrior as one of the most effected but I've played the game.... There are so many female warriors so if they got hit in the boob and needed attention then you take care of it. no questions asked and you move on with your day end of story.

The most effected would probably be Time, Twilight and Sky.

Time and Sky because- holy cow, I have a significant other, what am I going to say if they find out I saw another naked woman? Nothing. That's what. I'm a dead man if they ever find out.

Twilight because he was raised with his respect woman juice for breakfast and would have gladly turned away and oh my god- my mom is not going to like that I just didn't do anything this entire time and she's going to think that I just stared like some degenerate and what do I do now?

I think this is a fun concept and I don't mind exploring it more, but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm going to need a tag for the dream saga aren't I?

#pinky replies #Dream Anon #thank you for this #and thank you #Anon #for sharing your thought and contributing to the project #I appreciate it greatly made my night #Mulan! Link

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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Hello Dani.

I wish I were here with some cute Malec fan arts to show you instead of what I'm about to say. But I'm not. I guess I just need to talk to someone. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. You don't have to answer me. I guess the fact that I was comfortable enough to tell you these helps me enough. To at least know that I'm no longer the only person who knows these anymore. To know that it isn't a secret I have to bare alone. Cause I'm fucking tired of it.

Ok, here's the thing. Here, in my country, students attend a national exam at the end of elementary school. Just before entering middle school, at 11. The results of this test show whether you can enter some special schools that are built to guide and educate the students who got accepted. The students society thinks are smarter than the others. As far as I can remember, I knew I should take that test and get accepted. When I was a child my mother told me about a long time ago, when she and my father were at high school. My father had wanted to become a doctor at the time. He'd tried and studied hard and eventually gotten accepted at the medicine school. But back then, it had been very important for the students studying important majors at university- like medicine- to have a good social image and other people's opinion about them mattered a lot. And at that time, my father's family had had some kind of quarrels and fights going on with some neighbor families, and thus when those people were asked about my father personality, they've talked shit about him and he got rejected. He had to become a teacher instead. I was just a child back then, but even as a child, I could see how my father always yearned for what he'd lost. The way he talked about how good of a job it is, how doctors can help people a lot, and how if I'm smart and hardworking enough, I can become a doctor one day. Long story short, from a very young age, every one told me that I was intelligent and should become a doctor. It would make my family and my family name proud and I knew it. So I tried, I studied and I got accepted at that special schools at 11( cause it has always been part of the path I was shown ). I not only got accepted, but also got the best marks at the test in the town. That day was the only day I remember my father looked very proud of me. I always did good at the exams, but there was always something lacking for them, like, although I become a top student, I didn't become the best, or although I became the best, some of my marks still could be better. So there was always some criticism waiting for me, no matter what result I gained. The only time that there wasn't any, was that one time that I got accepted in those special schools at 11. That day I only saw appreciation. After that, I always kept trying but I guess I was never hardworking enough. My parents used to say it was because I couldn't put my complete focus on studying. Because I used to draw, and play soccer, and also attend English classes. I loved all of those activities, but I dropped all of them when I entered highschool. Because everyone said they were distracting me from my purpose that was becoming a doctor. That I needed to study biology and math and not waste my time with arts and sports. So I did it. And I was ok with it, or at least I thought I was. Untill I wasn't anymore. Until suddenly this pandemic started one year and a half ago, and I no longer could go to school. And I started struggling to keep up with my lessons and studying. I understood that I didn't enjoy it, it had become like a chore. I didn't understand how much my friends, my teachers and my school meant to me and how much it affected my willingness to studying till I lost it. And it took me even longer to find out the reason I needed them so much. And I hate that reason. I totally hate it. But it was true. I needed school because they gave me the appreciation and approval I always yearned for. I found out that one of the reasons I studied well was that I liked everyone appreciating me. I like the looked of awe in their eyes when I solved math problems or when I answered a biology question no one knew of. And I no longer had those. I was all alone with my family, since school were closed. And I knew- I know- my family loves me, but their tactics for helping someone or something get better has always been criticizing the wrong things, instead of praising the good parts. And it helped, or it used to do, at least. But just as long as I got the praise and approval I needed from the others. But I didn't

get them anymore cause I was all alone with my family now. I just had them. And the criticism become harder and unbearable. Studying was like a burden, a chore. And it didn't help that with the whole staying home situation, I had more time to think and I realized how long it had been since last time I drew anything. Or played soccer. Or read my favorite novels. I realized I never once stopped to think about what I wanted to do. My life path had always been described for me. I'd always known what I was supposed to do, or what I was supposed to be. But I was no longer sure if it was what I wanted. And I was confused and lost and absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. Whether to continue my path, or change it. I tried to speak to my parents. But they didn't get it. They didn't get why I was suddenly hesitating and told me I was just ruining all those years of trying, for nothing. So I stopped talking about it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't help feeling like I've always lived for others. Like, why the hell should I need my teachers and classmates appreciating and praising me? Why should not having that anymore make studying boring for me?? Why did I never thought about my future as a choice, not something that was always set to happen?! I was angry at myself but most of all, I was lost, I didn't know what the hell to do. And no one could understand me, so when my parents asked me how I was preparing myself for the national exam of universities acceptance, I lied. I lied and told them I was doing ok, while I totally wasn't. I couldn't tell them, I didn't want them to blame me, cause I blamed myself enough. I hoped it will get better by the time. But it didn't. Everyone thinks I'm a fucking Christopher Lightwood, while honestly, I'm more a Alastair Carstairs.

And now, here am I, not knowing what the hell to do. The exam for universities acceptance is in less than a month and a half. I know I still have time, but I no longer know what I want to do. And I no longer believe in my abilities. I think my parents were right, I think I just wasted my time hesitating and questioning myself. Maybe becoming a doctor doesn't make me happy, but isn't it worth it?? That at least it is what my father wanted for me all along? That I can at least make my family happy and proud?? Cause I don't know what makes me happy. And now, it's too late to think about it and find out. Cause I'm scared to find out. I'm scared that I make my family disappointed, like I made myself disappointed. I'm afraid it's too late and no matter what I do, I'm gonna make them disappointed. That while everyone thinks I'm gonna get accepted at the best medicine school, I won't get accepted at all. I wasted so much time questioning everything. If only I continued my path, at least my family would be happy. But now, I'm terrified that I make them disappointed and remain unhappy myself. Cause even if I was living a lie, even if I one day got up and see I didn't like my life, at least I still had a life. A life in which nobody had expectations from me any longer. And even if I didn't like my life, I was at least alone to do whatever I want with it. But at the moment, I just want to become a doctor, and pay off what I've always felt I owe my family. My father. That was the only thing he ever wanted from me. ( And it pays handsomely, sure. It's just, I was never sure if I enjoy doing it, not just its payment.)

But I'm now terrified that I've ruined my chance for even having this. I think I should've never questioned my life. It didn't help that I found out I wasn't happy. I can't help but think I fucked everything up. I always tried to be open to changes. To be brave, just like Alec was. But how can I do that when I don't know what I want? How can I even choose another job when I was practically raised to become a doctor since forever? How can I change my path when I sacrificed lots of things that I loved for it?? All those soccer games I didn't attend, all those drawings I didn't draw, just to have time to study! How can I do it?? And what if my family was always right, that becoming a doctor is best for me? What if I've had fucked up my chance of becoming a doctor even??

And more than anything, I'm tired of keeping all that a secret. I feel guilty as hell whenever I see my parents cause I lied to them, and it's making it all hard to breathe. I'm really really tired. I'm lost. What am I supposed to do? What should I do???

Hello, darling.

Thank you for trusting me with this. I'm glad you wanted to talk to someone. Whatever you feel, it's out now. You no longer have to worry this is a secret. I hope that helps you a little. I hope it lightens the burden you carry on your shoulder.

As always, I cannot tell you what to do. It's your life - something I do remind yourself more often. It helps. I promise.

But I can tell you what I think.

1. I think you are very smart. Like VERY smart. So, if you are worried about changing your academic course or career path, I would say you have nothing to worry about. If you can study biology, trust me, you can find your way through any other subject. It's nothing to be afraid of. Every subject is hard. But you seem like a relentless little fighter to me. So, you will figure it out.

2. I think the reason your father wants you to be a doctor is because he still feels the pain of not achieving his dream. If he doesn't enjoy teaching, then he knows what it's like to live a life of regret. Your father wants to spare you from that. But irony is cruel. Because that very effort has pushed you into the same path. I think someone *cough* you *cough* needs to remind your father that even if you become a doctor, you will not be happy. And while your parents might not be able to see it clearly as you do, it's what they want too. Success doesn't necessarily mean happiness. So, maybe you should tell your father that. Tell him that even if you become a doctor, it wouldn't make you happy. So, despite all their prayers and efforts, your parents would still fail. Because you would be living a similar life as your father had to.

3. One and a half month sounds like a very short time. But here is the thing. I feel like if you put your mind to it, you can get through this exam. But what about your heart? Where does it want to be? What does it want to do? For me, it doesn't sound like a problem of "can I do this?". Yes, you can. It's more a question of, "do I want to do this?". I don't know the answer to that. You are smart. Figure it out.

4. The best advice I've gotten in life is this "do what makes you happy." I know that many don't have the luxury of following that advice in every possible way. But you have the chance. do it. If something or someone is bringing you unhappiness, you should have the liberty to say "no fuck off." It takes a lot of courage to look at something and say 'no'. We haven't been taught to say that enough. Learn to say 'no'. If you take away anything from this response, it should be that.

5. You don't owe anyone anything. Just so you know. Not your family. Your parents. Not your school. No one. Nothing. But you owe it to yourself to be happy.

6. I have met many people like your father - and perhaps yourself - who have told me that "I couldn't follow my dreams. But when I have a child one day, I will do everything in my power to make sure they get to achieve their dream". It's truly a beautiful sentiment. But all I can think is...If it's possible for us to fight for an unborn child of ours, then why can't be fight for ourselves. If we are willing to fight in the future, then why not now?

I know you want your parents to be happy. I know you don't want to let them down. I know a lot of us think that way. So I ask - Why can't we show the kindness we are willing to show the ones we love to ourselves?

7. I don't know what you are going to do either, my love. But I know you will survive. So, even if these words get washed away and even if the confidence you feel is momentary and even if you end up taking the exam and do biology, I hope you remember that it is never, ever, ever too late to choose yourself. To follow your dreams. To stand up and say no.

8. You told me you are more like Alastair. So, I'll leave you with this.

"If you choose that for yourself, it is your choice, but you cannot choose for me”

All my love,

Dani x.

#choose for yourself #prioritise yourself #it doesn't make you selfish #I promise #ps - you are always welcome to come talk to me or tell me your secrets #even if you don't have any cute malec fan arts for me #I will still love you the same #<3 #love

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callisto-rants · 3 years

Text

Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Callisto-Rants presents...

Here's my Two Cents

Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.

[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]

Here's my Two Cents

Yarichin Bitch Club.

Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .

"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."

Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??

Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .

"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"

And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.

💀 The Gang Bangs.

💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.

💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.

💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.

💀 The High School Setting.

💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.

💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.

Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....

Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.

Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.

Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.

Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.

Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.

Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.

Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.

Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.

Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.

Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.

Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."

But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.

Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...

Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.

Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.

Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.

Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.

Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.

The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.

And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.

Take it or leave it.

#Here's Our Two Cents #Callisto Rants #yarichin b club #god i hope one day i forget this series exists #and no I don't care if there's people out there who like this series unironically y'all do you!#just wanted to rant on how i would change this story to make it less hyper sexualized 乁| ･〰･ |ㄏ #not trying to say y'all should be cancelled or something silly like that #Takashi Toono #Yuu Kashima #Kyousuke Yaguchi #Yui Tamura #Itsuki Shikatani #Toru Fujisaki #Ayato Yuri #Koshiro Itome #Keiichi Akemi #basically a huge rant post #AU where it's actually a fucking Photography Club hcs

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ssa-sugar-tits · 4 years

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Meet Emily

Request: this one

Emily x reader. Reader and Emily visit the reader’s very homophobic small town. (I know it’s very random but I’m curious as to how Emily would handle it.) Thanksxx :)

Content warnings: homophobia, cursing, offensive slurs, angst, sexual reference

Emily Prentiss is the love of your life and you're the love of hers. Plain and simple. You have no doubt that she's the woman you want the spend your life with and you certainly aren't ashamed of her or your sexuality. In fact, you show her off, like she deserves, any chance you get. Which is why it's so hard to tell her why you don't want to accept your parents invitation to come back home and reconnect. More specifically, it's hard to tell her why you haven't told your parents about your beautiful, wonderful girlfriend of 8 months. You never got the chance to come out to your parents. You were... found out. When people hear that, they think of two clumsy teenagers experimenting, tangled up in some sexual endeavor. But in reality, they found a diary back in high school about a girl you liked. You were past what happened but the screaming, the slurs, the complete and utter rejection of who you are... That gut wrenching feeling never escaped your heart. A soft hand is suddenly clasping yours and you look up to see Emily smiling at you.

"Hey Y/N, what's wrong?"

You laugh and shake your head.

"Fucking profilers."

"So something is wrong. You can tell me whatever it is baby."

Spitting it out before you can talk yourself out of it, you avoid eye contact and stroke her thumb nervously.

"My parents invited me to go back to my hometown, they- they want to... reconnect. They also said they'd love to meet my significant other if I have one."

Her lovely face softened and she beamed, showing off her plump lips and bright teeth. But like you said before, fucking profilers. She immediately realized it must not be a good thing and her face fell.

"I'm assuming there's bad news too?" She asked in a careful tone, lifting your hand to press a light kiss to your knuckles.

"They found out about me being into girls high school and they weren't thrilled to say the least. Neither was most of my town when word got around." Sighing sadly at the memory you add, "It's the reason I got the hell out come graduation and never looked back."

"Oh darling..." Emily's eyes met yours and you involuntarily let a tear slip down your cheek. You were ready for this. For her to call you pathetic, to be angry, to leave. But she threw your expectations out the door when she finished her sentence. "My mother isn't exactly supportive of my sexual orientation either. And you know what? I say we accept the invitation and show everyone that love is fucking love. And we are madly in it." That gorgeous smile spread across her face again and you flashed one back before pressing a grateful kiss to her lips. She returned it hungrily before pulling away when you mumble against her lips,

"I love you so much Em."

"I love you too Y/N."

Hotch approves the time off and you book a flight to the place you fought so desperately to leave behind, hopeful that this could be a new beginning. Emily soothes your clear nerves on the way there and when you get to your old street, you take a deep breath and turn to look at the amazing woman next to you for a final boost of courage. She curled her midnight hair and chose a white summer dress that accentuates her body perfectly. How could they not love her? Her beauty is breathtaking and once they talk to her? They'll see how funny and smart she is. And you'll definitely brag about all the times she's saved your ass in the field and the people she's put away. Taking her hand in yours and clasping it firmly, you walk up to the house but freeze in your tracks when you see what your parents have in store for you. A welcome back party, with all your homophobic bastard neighbors gaping at you and Emily, the judgement and disgust written everywhere. Your grip on her hand doesn't waver and hers tightens as if to tell everyone "I'm hers and she is mine. And we're both goddamn proud of it." As you make your way to your parents, you can make out the whispers.

"Maybe they're... good friends."

"I always knew little Y/L/N was a dyke."

"That is not right."

"It's disgusting..."

Emily stands up tall while you let your hair fall and cover your face, each step emphasizing more regret at even showing up. She always was the brave one. The badass. She is one hell of a woman. And that's all it takes to remind you that she's so much more important than the close minded pieces of shit that think they can judge what you two have. The words practically scream pride as you greet your parents.

"Hey Mom and Dad. It's good to see you, it was really nice of you to organize this! This is my girlfriend, Emily Prentiss." Emily extends a hand but neither of your parents take it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N, I-"

"Get out."

Your mother's eyes scan the crowd of onlooking, horrified neighbors as if assessing the damage you're doing to her reputation and your father looks at you with undeniable anger.

"Excuse me?" The look on Em's face tells you she's close to chewing them out but you don't give her the chance. No one disrespects your girlfriend. No one.

"Who the hell do you think you are? I came back here because you invited me. And to think, I thought you were going to be more accepting now. I thought just being your daughter was enough to be accepted and loved but I guess fucking not. Wipe that look off your face because Emily is a goddess of a woman and I'm in love with her. I'll shout that from the fucking rooftops without a care in the world because I'm damn lucky to have her. You and all the other assholes in this town can go fuck themselves. I'm glad I can leave this shithole knowing that I told you, you'll never be half the woman Em is. Don't even think about ever calling me again. And to everyone staring at us, this is what love is. Two people who care for each other above all else and you know what? Not a single other person in the world matters. So take a good, hard look at us, especially those of you that are like me ashamed of who you are because of the internalized god awful opinions this crap town has. It'll be okay. Because love is love, regardless of gender. You'll find your Emily one day and no one can take that from you." A smile to yourself is hard to contain because for once around your parents, you're proud to be a woman who loves another woman. (It helps that you happen to have the best woman by your side.) Loud and clear, Emily says with love and adoration,

"That's my girl."

You give her a passionate, desperate kiss and grasp her hair in front of everyone before grinning and leaving the way you came in. This time however, there's no fear or doubt. There's only you and Emily. And of course, the hotel room you booked just in case... you two are definitely putting the bed to good use tonight.

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x you #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n

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6knotty6thotty6 · 3 years

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So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck:

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion.

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered, was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it.

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it."

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got.

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it.

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat.

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes.

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not.

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled.

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway.

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you?

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late!

#child abuse #abuse #domestic abuse #family #survivor #YouTube #bojack horseman #forgive #mom #mother #friend #friends #story #personal #chicken soup for the soul #free churro #monolouge #father #dad

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

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Knowing You Again

Chapter 6 of '100 Promises'

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

Warnings: Swearing, bullying, I think that's it, let me know if I missed any

"Wow this place is amazing! So many games!" You awed, amazed by the amount of games and the lights. "Yeah, it's not anything like the one I went to on break, but since I can't take you there yet, I thought here would be good," he explained. "Thank you!" You exclaimed, hugging him and jumping up and down. He laughed, "Ok, ok. Calm down! What game do you want to play first?" You looked around, seeing all the different games, the people rushing from the machines and back. And you saw one that wasn't being used. You lead him over to it. "This one?" You asked. He nodded, and you two began on the game.

You walked into the grand lobby of the hotel, and sat on one of the waiting chairs. You watched in curiosity as people filed in their groups, cheering and laughing. Even if they'd lost a member, they were happy to be alive. A relief that it wasn't them. Maybe it was that everyone here had begun to accept their new reality. It made you smile in the slightest, that not all the people here were weak and useless. "Hey there new girl," someone said from besides you. "Hi Chishiya," you greeted without even turning to look besides you. "Hm? Attentive," he said. You didn't have to look to know he was smirking. "No, your voice is just very distinctive. It's soft, but also a very condescending undertone in it. Give people the illusion you know more than them," you stated, finally looking at him. "The hell did you study in college?" He asked with a laugh. "Major in forensics, minor in psychology. I'm pretty good at psychological mind fucking," you stated. He smiled, looking up. "Mind fucking? That's how I know you're friends with that idiot," he said. "Idiot? Niragi? No way. He studied game programming and engineering, and is 20 times smarter than anyone I've ever met," you said, surprised anyone could call him an idiot. How much did he change in the borderlands? Even then, his intelligence wouldn't have faded. So what did he do? "Hmm... maybe I'll change your opinion. You haven't met someone like me before," he said, looking at you. His eyes stared back into your own. It was like he was seeing into your soul, trying to really read into you. "I like a challenge. Impress me," you stated, a smirk playing on your lips. "Will do. Your friend is up on the roof for his patrol. I'll see you later at the pool. Kuina is quite fond of you. You two get along well," Chishiya said, walking off. You stood up, walking over to the grand stair case.

"I haven't slept in 4 days... gods help me," you groaned, running your hands up through your hair, it getting stuck from the knots. "Fuck me... SUGU! ARE YOU ALIVE?" you yelled. You heard a groan in response. He came out of his room, his hair sticking up every which way, his glasses were crooked on his face, and there were dark eyebags under his eyes. "I think... I think I'm alive..." he said. He was almost falling asleep standing up. "You need to take a nap," you suggested, standing up and walking over to him, yawning and rubbing your eyes. "No, I need to finish my project, you need a nap," he said, as you fixed his glasses. He could see that you were also running on no sleep. The dark eyebags under your eyes, your messed up tangled hair. It was different to say the least. You always looked nice, but college said no, please fuck up your sleep schedule to get this project done for me. Oh, and it a worth 75% of your grade! He hated school, but enjoyed what he was studying. Your projects took longer, and we're a bit gross at times, seeing as you had to take both forensics and psychology classes. "How about coffee instead then? I have a project to finish too..." you said, combing his hair out with your fingers, making it lay flat once more. "That sounds nice..." he muttered, the sensation of you playing with his hair almost making him fall asleep on the spot. "Yeah, I don't think you drinking that many energy drinks is healthy. Or not sleeping for four days. Let me get dressed, fix my hair, and we can head out, yeah?" You scolded at first, softening your tone.

"You look like shit," he insulted as you two walked to a coffee shop. "You're one to talk. When was the last time you washed your hair? Who are you, Snape?" You joked back, knowing his hatred for the character. 'He treated a kid like absolute shit because the kid's dad used to bully him in school. Oh, and his obsession with a girl who just saw him as a friend, but we're not going to talk about it.' He always said that when you asked him about why he hated Snape. It was funny to you because you had never met someone besides yourself that had that much genuine hatred towards a fictional character. "Ew, compare to anyone but him. Anyone," he said, genuinely grossed out by the fact you'd compared him to that character. "You really should take care of yourself more though. I need you to last me my whole life dude," you said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Mhm, if I remember correctly, promise 40 was if we were still 28 and we were single, we'd marry each other," he chuckled. You laughed. "Well, yeah. We keep our promises, you got that?" You said, punching his shoulder. "Ow, what was that for!" He whined, laughing. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to that apartment. I need to stay out of that, school is just... taking a toll on me. When we finish school and get jobs, I hope it's easier... Let's go on an adventure today," you said, leaning onto him. He thought for a bit. His project was almost done, and it was due in three days. He was running on no sleep, 5 energy drinks a day, and the occasional coffee you brought him.. Taking time off for you was worth it. He could finish the project tomorrow. You were worth that and more to him. "Sure what kind of adventure?"

"A little birdie told me you'd be up here," you said once you had opened the door to the roof. He turned around, facing you. "Really? Let me guess, Chishiya?" He stated. . He had his gun slung over his shoulder, and looked around boredly. You nodded. "How was your game?" You asked, going over, and sitting on the edge of the roof. He went over, sitting by you. "It went great. I'm alive, aren't I?" He stated sarcastically. You sighed, seeing as you were right. You had sensed it last night, but now it was more obvious. The games had changed him. For better or worse, you didn't know yet. "Mmm... and are the games any way to treat me differently? Because I'll hit you right now if you say yes," you threatened, glaring at him. He noticed your anger, but he guessed it could also be sadness. He'd left you alone for... how long had you said? 6 months? He didn't remember being gone for that long. Maybe time ran differently in the Borderlands than it did in the real world?

"No, it's not. Just know that I'm not going to act the same around you. I have a reputation here," he said, staring out. A light breeze brushed across the roof. A reputation? Well, you had noticed not many people coming up to talk to you all day. You heard whispers of 'that's the girl Niragi brought in. We should stay away from her.' So you assumed people feared Niragi. But you were curious. You know what they say, Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. "Tell me about it then. Tell me everything that's happened. All the good, all the bad, I want to know. So spill," you said. He sighed. He didn't want to tell you. A part of him was confused about it. He wasn't proud of the things he did, but on the other hand, he wasn't ashamed of them. The only thing stopping him was the fact that you were the only person who's opinion he cared about. The only person he had his whole life who cared about him the way he cared about them. You were the only reason he wasn't completely alone. "You want to know? Why?" He asked, putting up a defensive front. You shook your head, noticing it almost immediately. He had built walls in the games, you could tell. But that wasn't going to stop you. "Because you're my best friend,and I thought you had died. Because I want to know what you've been doing here? How'd you get such a high rank? When did you learn how to shoot? What's your specialty of the card games? Is it fun? Have you killed anyone?" You asked, going off on a small tangent. "Ok... let's do this. I've been playing the games, I got a high rank by playing the games, learned how to shoot here in the borderlands, surprisingly enough it's almost like shooting in a video game, my specialty are diamond games, yes it's extreme fun, and yes I have," he answered. You nodded, leaning your head on his shoulder. You had a suspicion there was worse he'd done, but you didn't want to know. He could keep it to himself until he felt comfortable to tell you. It felt like before, in a way... When you two would sit on the roof of some apartment complex down the street and watch the stars. Where your worries would go away, and you didn't have to worry about being the perfect daughter or the bullies. You were just (Y/N) and Niragi, the two kids. Because that's what you had been. Kids. When everything happened, you were kids. No kids should have been treated like how you two had been treated.

''I can't believe they broke your glasses," you muttered under your breath, brushing his hair out of his face. His bullies had gotten him while you were cleaning the classroom after class. He waited outside, but they decided to rough him up. The had beaten him up pretty badly. You had cleaned up the cuts and blood as much as you could, but it didn't change the fact his glasses were broken."It's fine..." he said, not wanting to look you in the eyes. "It's not fine, Sugu. You need your glasses, and glasses are expensive. Plus your dad..." you trailed off, seeing his hands beginning to shake. "Don't remind me..." he whispered. You hugged him, and whispered back, "You'll be ok. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, (N/N)."

"But I have to. Promise 1, we promise to keep each other safe, remember?"

He sighed, and nodded. You were scared for him. You knew somehow, you'd get roped into it. You looked up at him, seeing him pick at the cement on the roof. "Eventually... we're going to have to go back. We can't stay here the whole night," he said. You frowned. "I don't want to go back. We should run away. Just the two off us."

"(L/N)?" Someone called out from behind you two. You turned to face the person. It was Ann. "Hatter would like to see you... Alone."

#alice in borderland #niragi #niragi×reader #plot is getting kind of weird now but ill fix it

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