#and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

five-hxrgreeves · 11 months

Text

Not Like Quill

PAIRING: adam warlock & fem! quill’s sister!reader

WC: 2.5k (longer than I intended, oof!)

SUMMARY: after your half-brother and half-sister leave, you’re left to fill in Peter’s shoes on the Guardian team. Unfortunately, Rocket can only see the faults where you lack the qualities that his best friend has. Luckily, though, a certain golden boy is always there to cheer you up.

WARNINGS: slight gotg three spoilers, fluff, angst if you squint.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: so this is my first official one shot AND first time writing for GOTG (hopefully I did a good job.) I saw GOTG3 in the theaters almost a week ago and WOW, was I surprised by Adam!! (I make it a point to not watch trailers to avoid spoilers.) I liked Will in The Dawn Treader but I haven’t seen any of his other movies since they’re not genres I usually watch, but I have been SLEEPING on this man!! I’m now obsessed with Gally (I’ve never even seen TMR but I’ve now read a ton of FFs) and, of course, Adam. So, here’s a one-shot :)

I know that Peter gave Rocket his Zune but in this scenario he gave it to you, his other half-sister. You do have powers but they’re not really mentioned here; if anyone is interested I can make a sequel/prequel.

Part 0 , Part 2

The repairs to Knowhere were going well— or at least as well as could be expected with leaders who bickered as much as the remaining Guardians. Peter and Mantis had left the planet a few weeks ago, leaving everyone quite sad at their departure. But, there were things to do so those that remained moved on as best they could in order help out. You, however, as Peter’s half-sister, had been hit harder by their departures than the others. Mantis and Peter were the only family you had, especially since the group had killed your father (not that he’d been a good one, of course.) Sure, the other Guardians had become like family to you over the years, but they weren’t blood— but this is also the only reason why you decided to stay instead of going off on your own like your siblings.

To make matters worse, the only physical reminder that you had of your brother was his Zune, which he’d left to you since you’d always stolen it anyway. Almost every day since his departure you could be found with the Zune clipped to your belt with at least one— and often both— earbuds plugged in to drown out the world. You busied yourself with helping the rest of the population repair their homes, enjoying the physical work as it tired you out too much to think about your missing family. When you weren’t working, you were training, which is how you (more officially) met one of the newest members of the Guardians, Adam. It hadn’t been the best first meeting, but that was a story for another time.

You were grateful to him for saving your brother so after he apologized for almost killing you, you forgave him pretty easily. Since you wanted to fill up your free time as much as possible, you offered to help train him because although he had powers, he’d barely been a match for the Guardians during the initial fight. You became close because of this and you found that you enjoyed his myriad of questions. You made sure to always be patient when answering him since you knew that the other Guardians were either too busy or would snap at him.

However, that was about the only good thing that had happened to you since the defeat of the High Evolutionary. The only time you really saw Rocket, Groot, Drax or Nebula was when you helped out around the headquarters or went on a mission, and even that wasn’t the same as it used to be. Rocket was a very different leader than Peter; he was, well, smarter, so that was good, but he had yet to acquire any sort of nurturing or encouraging attitude. When they trained as a team to get used to each other (as they had also added Kraglin and Viola to the group), Rocket would veer towards critical rather than critiquing.

“No, on your left, you idiot! Your other left!”

“You call that aim? Blurp could hit the target better than you!”

And, lastly, “that’s not how Quill would do it!”

Ouch. That one was always aimed at you, for anything Rocket could criticize you for. It didn’t have to just be training; sometimes he took it to ridiculous levels, either for the music you selected or the food you cooked. Anything you did, he compared you to your brother. And of course, you loved Peter; along with the other Guardians, he had saved you and Mantis from Ego and for that alone you would love him, but he had left you terribly big shoes to fill and you weren’t even the leader. You tried to hide how much Rocket’s words affected you— usually by keeping your Zune close at hand to drown him out, but they did get you down.

Even worse was his nickname for you. Although it had once been endearing, “little Quill” now felt like more of an insult— as if he knew you could never measure up to Peter. You never confronted him about this since you knew Rocket had a barbed tongue, but after being abandoned by your siblings, his words seemed to hit you harder than before. So, you kept your distance from him as best you could and tolerated it when you couldn’t.

On this particular day, you had decided to make chocolate chip cookies, which Peter had taught you to make on the first ‘Christmas’ that you’d been with the Guardians. You were really missing your brother so you plugged in your earbuds and started on the familiar recipe. In this instance, the kitchen that you were using was communal, so it was no surprise that someone else walked in on you as you baked. You didn’t notice at first, too lost in the music of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Adam had come into the kitchen after following the sweet scent that had caught his attention. He smiled a little at the sight of you standing at the counter, elbow-deep in. . . something. It was golden in color, although lighter than his skin, and flecked with black. He waved to get your attention but as usual, you were oblivious to your surroundings (and you were a fighter?) so he made his way over to you and tapped you on the shoulder.

Feeling the presence of another person, you turned around to see who it was— if it was anyone worth talking to— and when you saw that it was the (literal) golden boy, you sent him a smile and pulled one earbud out of your ear. “Hey, Adam.”

“Hi,” he replied you, still a little uncertain with less formal greetings. “What are you making? It smells really good.”

“Chocolate chip cookies,” you said. “Peter taught me how to make them. Do you want to try some?”

He looked at what was in the bowl curiously. “What does it taste like?”

“It’s sweet. If you liked the smell I’m sure you’d like the taste. Watch,” you instructed. Then you carefully picked up a small bit that had a chocolate chip in it before you at it. You closed your eyes and hummed at the delicious flavor.

Adam copied your action carefully, even going so far as to close his eyes and make the same sound— and then he repeated it more genuinely as he realized how good it was. You grinned at his reaction. “You like it, huh?” When he nodded, you added, “want to help? I’m almost at the fun part!”

“What’s that?”

“It’s where we make the cookies— this is just the batter,” you explained.

After you both washed your hands, you showed him how to form the batter into matching spheres and line them up on the baking tray. As you worked, you talked about the music you were listening to and even transferred your spare earbud to him so Adam could listen as well. Bohemian Rhapsody had become Starless by the band King Crimson. . . and of their better-known members, Adam Belew. You couldn’t help but find it amusing that Adam had the same name, and that one of the lines was “sundown dazzling day/gold through my eyes.”

As he finished forming one of the last cookies, Adam glanced up to see the hint of laughter in your expression. Although he didn’t know what was funny, he smiled back at you. For some reason that he didn’t understand, he was happy that you were happy; it was an emotion that you didn’t really seem to show that often, so the rare chance that he got to see it only made it more special. Your grin widened at you leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially: “now comes the fun part!”

He frowned with confusion. “I thought making the. . . cookies was the fun part,” he said slowly, trying out the new word.

“Sort of, but everyone knows the fun part is licking the bowl!” you exclaimed happily. “Like this.” You scraped some of the remaining batter together until it was big enough to eat before you popped it into your mouth. Together you made quick work of the remaining batter and then you put the bowl in the sink. You’d started the oven earlier, so it was ready for the tray.

After setting the timer, you made a face. “Now it’s time for the worst part: doing the dishes. Peter hated doing them so much that we usually just put them in the contamination chamber and chucked them out to space,” you explained with a giggle. “If anyone asked why we had to buy so many new dishes we just said that Peter was really clumsy.” You finished the story with a wistful look, remembering all the fun that you and your siblings had had before the Snap had ruined everything.

Adam wasn’t sure if doing the dishes was really that bad, but the happiness that had been present while making the cookies had slipped off your face, so he figured that it must be an arduous task. Wanting to spare you the discomfort, he offered: “I can do them, if you want. You did most of the work anyway.”

His suggestion pulled you back to the present and you shook your head. “You don’t have to. Since this is your first time having cookies you can just enjoy them. Next time you have to help,” you added playfully, covering up your sadness as you always did with humor— you learned that from your brother, after all.

The golden boy allowed a small smile at that, although he’d picked up on your habit. “I can wash and you can dry?”

You agreed, and soon the task was done. While you waited for the cookies to be finished you answered a few more of Adam’s questions. You found his curiosity refreshing after spending so much time with smart-ass, know-it-all teammates that wouldn’t know how to ask question if it slapped them in their face. (And yes, you did love your teammates— that’s why you could call them out on their stubbornness.)

The cookies were done about fifteen minutes later and you took them out to cool for another ten before you took one for yourself and one for Adam. You sat down next to him and bit into the warm dessert, closing your eyes again to enjoy it. As much as you liked the batter, the finished cookie was definitely better. Adam seemed to agree as he made the same sound of enjoyment from before, causing you to open your eyes and grin at him. “Good, huh?”

“Definitely,” he agreed, and he was finished with his cookie before you were done with yours.

You saw him eye the tray greedily, which caused you to laugh. “Go ahead, you can have another one.”

As he did so, the other members of the Guardians entered the room, apparently drawn by the same scent that Adam had smelled. Kraglin took his with a nod of thanks, stuffing one in his mouth as he left the room. Viola took one as curiously as Adam had, seeing as she’d never had a cookie either.

“You can take some to the other kids,” you told her— you’d made a double batch since they were pretty popular, so there was plenty. She thanked you as well and took some extra for her friends.

Then, it was Rocket’s turn. After the rest of his reactions to whatever you did, you found yourself holding your breath as you waited for his opinion. It only took a moment before he pronounced: “not bad, Little Quill.” You perked up at that, eyes wide with hope that you had finally done something right— something that Peter couldn’t do better than you. But Rocket wasn’t done: “not like Quill’s, though.”

You slumped in your chair as he took a few extra, oblivious to the effect his words had on you— but Adam noticed. “I think hers are better than Peter’s,” he spoke up quietly.

“Sure, blondie. You ain’t never tried Quill’s though, so ya don’t have a comparison.”

“I don’t need to,” he insisted, glancing over at you. “I know they’re better.”

Rocket scoffed with disbelief but didn’t bother arguing the point (he knew he was right, anyway), and left the room without so much as a thank you. Adam glanced over at your defeated posture; you’d been so confident and happy moments before the other Guardians had come in, but now you seemed to shrink into yourself, as if Rocket’s careless words had physically hurt you. Normally your recovery time after such an incident would be fast so no one else could pick up on your feelings, but this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back— if you couldn’t do cookies right, what hope did you have for anything else?

You suddenly felt a warm hand settle on top yours, which had been resting on the counter. You looked up sharply, surprised by the touch— you hadn’t been so much as hugged since Peter and Mantis had left. Adam’s expression was sympathetic, but there was a hint of anger in his golden eyes. “You’re not like Quill,” he said.

Unfortunately, you mistook his words after being so used to Rocket’s insults and looked away. You’d expected this sort of thing from him, not from Adam, and the blow hit you harder than anything Rocket had ever said. “I know,” you snapped, taking your hand away from his. “Thanks for the reminder.”

He gave you a confused look since he wasn’t sure what chord he’d struck to cause your reaction. It dawned on him quickly how his words could have been interpreted and he gently took your hand again as he repeated more firmly: “you’re not like Quill. You’re. . . there isn’t anything to compare. You’re not your brother— Rocket shouldn’t expect the same things from you that he did for Peter.” He hesitated for only moment before he added, “I can. . . talk to him, if you want.”

As he’d spoken, you realized you’d made a mistake and your initial thoughts had been right: Adam wouldn’t use your brother against you. You felt guilty for jumping to conclusions and gave him an apologetic look. Then, his words really sank in; a statement about how special your uniqueness was from someone whose society was literally carbon copies made your face heat up at the impact of his sentiment. You found that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lowered your gaze to your still-connected hands. “I— thank you,” you said softly. “I just wish Rocket would see that. You don’t have to talk to him— I should be able to do that myself; I’ve been his teammate for longer, after all. But. . . I really appreciate it.”

His expression softened as he squeezed your hand, which inexplicably made your stomach roll nauseously (but in a good way, like when Peter would do loop-the-loops with Milano’s pod.) “Anytime, Little Quill.”

And just like that, “little Quill” went right back to being an endearing nickname.

#adam warlock #adam warlock x reader #adam warlock x y/n #adam warlock x you #will poulter x reader #will poulter #marvel x reader #will poulter imagine #gotg imagine #gotg v3 #guardians of the galaxy #adam warlock imagine #mcu fic #mcu x reader #adam warlock fluff #adam warlock fanfiction

884 notes · View notes

kingmagnificoofrosas · 4 months

Text

Why I don't "ship" them

Ok, before anyone comes running me down, please hear me out! I have solid points to make here! I Promise!!!!

Btw, I'm absolutely ok with people disagreeing, but please, if you want to critique me in the comments, do it nicely! I won't tolerate any rudeness. My blog is a safe space and it should stay that way 💙

‼️Now, of course, like with all my analyses, this one is also based on my very own observation and my personal opinion. Also note, I don't hate Amaya! I hated her actions and dislike her for it. And I have very high standarts when it comes to romance‼️

We are told that these guys are married. Ok. Good. Nice. Naturally you then expect to actually see solid poof that tells us (audience) that this is true. After all, disney has a veeeery long history of displaying true love/soulmates, so this should be no different right? Right? Wrong! Let me tell you why!

I payed very close attention to Magnifico and Amaya throughout the whole movie and there was 0 romantic tension whatsoever! Love is displayed in actions and words, and actions there were none. At least none that had me believing they are more than close friends the least. Even my Mom was utterly confused as to what they even are to each other. In my Mom's words : "Anything but a married couple! More like brother and sister."

Let me explain why I believe that we have a marriage of convinience here.

First of all, Amaya calls Magnifico "Mi Rey" all the time. This is spanish btw and means "My king" And she doesn't even say it in a romantic way, she calls him that like any other person in the kingdom would.

Now, my Dad made the point that back in the days people of high status didn't call each other by surnames, but Magnifico does! He calls her Amaya. So that arguement falls. Also, others are all calling Magnifico either by his name or they say "King Magnifico" so her not calling him by his surename in private is odd.

Of course, not everyone uses romantic nicknames but I think it's just weird that Amaya never calls him anything but 'king' and later to Asha and the others she says "Magnifico". It makes no sense.

She's hardly ever around him in private.

And if she is, she does what she does when in public as well. She mostly just stands around. The most touch we see her give is her placing her hand on his shoulder! No hugs, no caressing the cheek, no loving gestures. Please, any polite human being can place a hand on someones shoulder or give a smile. My dog shows more empathy when I'm in distress than Amaya does to her husband.

Her support is the worst! Literally!

You'd think she knows her "husband" right? You'd think if he's upset, she'd do her best to calm him down and support him, right?

Well, after "Star" appears, his light floods Rosas and Magnifico panics, all Amaya does is telling him to breathe. No : "Hey, I know you're upset and scared, I understand, lets talk about it and try to find a solution together!" I mean, he's told her earlier that he thinks he's being threatened. (Clear PTSD response here)

We saw how Magnifico reacted to "breathe!" She could have given him a hug and told him something more soothing. She could have taken his hands and shown him, she cares. She should, after all, know that he's traumatized. She should know why he reacts the way he does and help him get through it.

The fact alone that the first thing Magnifico does when he's upset is to withdraw himself to figure his problems out on his own rather than seek his spouse for comfort tells me a lot!

Yes, she asks him to put the book down by telling him it's bad and he needs to protect himself, and he does in the end, but what she does then makes me facepalm myself.

Get this, Magnifico's ptsd causes him to panic, he wants to protect himself and his subjects/kingdom and Amaya tells him "Look at your people, they love you because you're their handsome king."

You good Amaya? Your husband just had a panic attack and your best reply to that is, "Breathe, your people love you and you're handsome." ? What in the good grief kinda advice to panic is "you are handsome" ? And mind you, his subjects are one of the very reasons he even panics in the first place!

But of course he reacts nicely, cause he is a sweetheart.

And her not wanting him to get posessed by the book isn't a solid proof she loves him. It only tells us she cares for him. Not how much. And also, she might know that should he get posessed, things are going down.

So what about the hand kiss then?

I'm tired of people taking this little scene as proof for everything. It's a moment of affection. But enough to make me buy they truly love each other? Nah.

A kiss to the top of the hand used to be the bare minimum form of respect a man could pay a woman. Women would have even held their hands out for men to kiss as a form of demanding respect.

We could have gotten a real kiss. If not on the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead, anything that clearly shows us, yes, they love each other. But no. And also, the patting? He patted her hand like I pat my dogs head and the kiss was more a quick peck. Imagine Magnifico would have lingered for 3 seconds, held eye contact or looked at Amaya a little while longer, now that would have been romantic tension, that would have told me, there are solid feelings there!

Yes, in english he calls her "my love" but in german he says "my dear" which you could call anyone as a form of being nice! And even if he meant it in a affectionate way, his actions don't add up to it.

If you say you love someone, you prove it with actions. If there is no action to prove words, it's just not true. And no, even people who have a hard time expressing their emotions do show they love you in their own ways. So let's move on and examine Magnifico's behavior more.

Again, he doesn't seek her comfort! He rather runs across half his castle to let out his thoughts and emotions than talk to her. That means, he doesn't trust her enough. He doesn't feel safe enough to show his vunerability in her presence, open up, vent, cry and let out his feelings. But he should! You should be able to do that in a marriage. He calls her "my love" but other than that? Do his actions underline what he says? No.

If you didn't agree with the above so far, I have this 👇🏼

He knew she'd betray him! He sent out Simon instead of going on his own.

If she were his true love/soulmate, he wouldn't have even spent a single thought about if she could eventually betray him. If you truly love someone, you don't betray them like a snap of a finger. Of course ptsd people have trust issues but Amaya is said to be his "loyal wife"

Loyal my butt!

The first thing she did after he snapped wasn't try everything in her might to get him back and safe him, no, she immediately ran to Asha and her teenage friends and was like, "Oh, I'm sick and tired of him, I've seen so many horrors, I suffered so bad. Yup, he's evil, let's destroy him." (Yes, literally! I'm pointing at that "trample the cookie to pieces" scene ...)

She sings : I've seen too many bad things that I can't keep count!

Huh? Like what please? All of the sudden she acts as if he'd been abusing her all the time. He never called her names, never threated her badly (until he became posessed by the evil in the book that is) he never raised his hand to her. He even told her he's lucky to have her, which (pfff. What did she even do besides sitting and standing still and look pretty?)

Look at what's going on here. And study the facial expressions, please. Magnifico is tired here. He's tired, annoyed, disappointed and upset at his subjects and Amaya is straight up confused. Look at her. She cannot understand why he's so upset.

The situation escaletes, he storms away and she tells him "they question you because you make them feel safe enough to do so."

*holding my laugh right here* Again, what a way to trample into a wound!

Subjects questioning their king is normal in a way, but right here, Magnifico is on the edge of his nerves anyway and she might have aimed to calm him but in the absolute wrong way! If you as "wife" know that your husband has ptsd, and is venting or reacting to a trigger, you don't go talking about that trigger even further. People with ptsd will understand me here. Even if someone means well, if you keep talking about the very thing that just triggered a ptsd response, you're making it worse!

She could have told him, "They're just as confused about the situation as you are. You are their king and they look up to you. I'm sure they didn't mean to question you in a bad way."

But anyway, he pushes her away, saying he doesn't want to be disturbed. Which, ok, sometimes you need to cool down on your own but he does that every single time. And she just runs along clueless and helpless like some sort of servant.

To be fair, people with ptsd/c-ptsd are difficult to handle. Even in a relationship of true love, it's not always easy. But with Amaya and Magnifico, I'm looking at the whole picture and not just a single moment. I looked at every moment we get in the movie and how they react and behave.

Amaya was all smiles until the moment he snapped. Then all of the sudden, yes, he's an evil monster! And oh, her too ignoring the fact that he got ptsd and that it's the evil that has a hold of him now that makes him go bonkers, nice! So much for : in good and in bad times.

Amaya - "The good in him, I watched it melt."

Yes, that is exactly the problem! She watched! Magnifico was suffering and she watched! Also the good was only swapped because he got posessed by evil, lady Sherlock.

Furthermore, when she and Dahlia look into the evil book, and Dahlia states the book says that once posessed by the evil magic, there is no going back forever. And Amaya doesn't bat a lash. Excuse me? What ever the heck happened to : true love breaks any curse? True love's kiss breaks any spell? We even had true love tears breaking curses! (Tangled and frozen)

Amaya didn't even shed one singe tear. None. At this point, Asha cried more over the situation than Amaya did. Just how quickly she was ok with everything, how quickly she accepted the situation ....

Heck, if he'd been her true love, things would have looked way different. Yes, disney tried to pull the "but he's the villain" card, but I don't buy that for a second. They could have made her heartbroken at least but she even snapped at him after he was on the edge. It's him who betrayed everyone. The evil magic book is suddenly forgotten. No, no, no! Ya'll backstabbing him and ignoring the fact he's got PTSD got him into this shit situation in the first place. And if AMAYA hadn't totally failed at being a good wife, Magnifico most likely wouldn't have even gotten as far!

But, the answer is simple. She doesn't love him! Or at least not nearly enough! When she sang, I was fooled by the love I felt, I was like 🤨? What exactly did you love, dear? His handsome looks? His magic? The only praise we saw her give him was when he did magic. When he did magic and or granted wishes she cheered like a child but other than that? Nothing like, "I see how much you give, how hard you try to protect us all everyday. I wish I could help you more, take some of that burden from your shoulders or at least carry it with you."

And if you're still not convinced, this tops it all! 👇🏼

Again, no tears, no sadness, nothing. She even approaches the whole situation with humor! And then she picks the mirror up like a dead rat on its tail and proudly declares "to the dungeons with him!" Not at all a reaction from a wife who truly "loves/loved" her husband.

She gives the tiny mirror away like a trashbag.

So to add things up. There is nothing to prove they truly loved each other. Cared for one another to a certain degree, yes. Magnifico at least showed a sprinkle of affection but on the other hand, he's a gentleman.

So, no, I personally will never ship them. I love Magnifico and the fact that Amaya wrote him off as easy as shrugging off a bug from your shoulder upsets me. 😬

He deserves so much better! He deserves true love. He deserves a healthy relationship full of compassion, support and guidance. He deserves respect and acknowledgement. He deserves healing!

Give that poor ptsd suffering man a break!

#disney wish #wish 2023 #king magnifico #queen amaya #ramble #venting post #I'm sorry but I don't ship them #team magnifico #complex ptsd #ptsd awareness

69 notes · View notes

tpwkluv · 10 months

Note

Em! How we feeling about 1. "How could you? That was my mother's!" For sweet Angel boy Steve Harrington? (P.s. - hi. You’re lovely)

Thank you for the request, my dear anon; however, I have to tell you, this prompt broke my brain. I’m sorry it took so long, and I hope this lil thing does your hopes justice! I wrote so many different stories for this before settling on this.

As always, please feel free to leave any comments and critiques or just chat in general!

P.S. thank you, but not as lovely as you for fueling the creativity of little ole me.

tags/warnings: i do be cursing, small mention of losing a parent, infertility issues, miscarriage, angst, but a happy ending i promise

2.9k prompt: “How could you? That was my mother’s”; almost a decade’s worth of love threatened by a moment of insecurity, in which you have a secret and Steve finds out.

September, 1993

It’s been seven years since Steve asked you to be his girlfriend. Since Hawkins put itself back together with duct tape. A temporary fix, but enough to get by after most of the townsfolk packed their bags and never looked back. Your little group of outcasts had finally come to terms with how fast life can pass by, and Steve couldn’t handle another second without expressing just how much he needs you.

Five years since he asked you to be his wife. A late night stroll around the apartment complex. A routine for when you both couldn’t sleep. Hand in hand, staring up at the sky, and asking which memory had sunk its nasty teeth in this time. Sometimes the harder questions got ignored; instead, you both would gush about your dreams. To leave Hawkins, once the now college age kids got old enough, to get a start on that brood of Harringtons, and to finally get a good night’s sleep without fear of monsters hidden somewhere deeply below the bed.

You had finally let go of his hand to unlock the door and walk in when he called your name from behind. The boy was on one knee, sweatpants digging into the welcome mat and faded Hawkins High tee sticking to his skin (which he later blamed on the intensity of the walk, and never admitted to it being nerves). He thought you had never looked prettier. Backlit from the soft amber glow of the hallway light, hair falling down your shoulders, and that soft dumbstruck look on your face.

Now two years after the wedding, you’re sitting on the floor of your work’s bathroom with those stupid pink lines staring straight back at you.

“Hello?”

“Eds,” you sob. “I think I’m going to throw up and I can’t tell Steve because I know it’ll just break his heart again and I didn’t expect it to be posi—”

“Woah, slow down. Are you okay? Why would Steve get mad? What the hell are you talking about?”

You try to reply, but you can’t breathe. Hot tears rolling down your cheeks, chest heaving with grief and guilt.

“Deep breaths, in and out. Breathe with me. There you go. It’s okay.” The air creeps its way back into your lungs just enough for your tears to slow down . “Just head on over and we can talk about whatever is going on, okay?”

So you tell your manager you’ve caught a stomach bug and try your best to stay calm as you drive over to his apartment.

Eddie has been one of your closest friends since he moved into the trailer park across the street back in grade school. He was the first to know when Steve asked you out, huffing out how it was about damn time. And he was the first to know when Steve had proposed, but he claimed he already knew. “How do you think Steve finally got the balls to ask you? I told him he better shoot his shot now before some other gentleman with fantastic hair sweeps in and steals you away,” he had said with a wink and elbow digging into Steve’s side.

And now he was the first to know that you were pregnant—again.

You and Steve had been trying for kids since the night of your honeymoon, so excited to have a clan of your own. Your children would grow up never questioning whether or not their parents loved them. You reveled in the dreams of being there for your kids in a way your parents never were for either of you. Steve’s parents chose not to do so, but your mother had no choice. Her weekly hospital visits turned into staying there, which turned into hospice, and eventually losing her completely.

But the excitement of being ‘#1 Mom and Dad’ turned into heartbreak, rushed trips to the hospital, therapy sessions, and a newfound fear every time you missed a period and those pink lines popped up. So eventually you stopped trying. No use in causing more tears and more tension in the relationship when all the two of you could focus on was the dream you could never have.

This is not to say the sex stopped. You still participated in testing out the ol’ mattress, but you went on birth control and Steve often wore condoms. It was overkill, but it protected you both from adding anymore anguish to the ever climbing piles of trauma.

So how the hell did you end up here?

Shuffling up to Eddie’s door, you let out a ragged breath and knock. The faint sound of feet running across carpet pools out from beneath the door. Then those soft, doe eyes are staring down at you. “Oh, sweets, come on in”, he soothes, hands resting on your shoulders before pulling you into a hug.

“I thought you guys were using protection?” Eddie questions, setting down a tea mug on the coffee table in front of you, and making his way to sit next to you on the couch.

“We were! I mean—we do… so I don’t know how this happened,” you sigh out, resting your head atop your hands and rubbing your temples.

“Well,” he starts, placing a hand on his chest while the other reaches for the sky, “methinks this doth be a gift. A light shining out to sea on a stormy night!”

“Shut up,” you tease, lightly tapping his shoulder before cradling your head in your hands once more. “I really don’t think I can go through this again, Eds. I can’t tell Steve. I can’t put him through this again.”

“What? You have to tell him. He deserves to—”

“He deserves to be happy, Eddie,” you plead, cutting him off. “Steve was so excited to start a family. The one thing he wants more than anything, and—and I can’t give it to him.” Tears work their way out once again, and wrapping an arm around you, Eddie gently pulls you in to place your head on his shoulder.

“I know it’s a shit situation, but I promise you’ll get through this. I have a good feeling this time,” he beams, softly laying his head against yours.

“Just promise me you won’t tell Steve? Not until I’m further along.”

“Scouts honor,” he sighs.

“Can you go with me to my first appointment? I’m going to call tomorrow and schedule it.”

“Oh my god! Of course! Do we get to hear the baby’s heartbeat and see it on that little pixelated black and white alien picture thing?”

“No, you dummy, it’s just going to be a blood test to make sure I am actually pregnant and see how high my hCG levels are, and then we’ll know how far along I am.”

“Oh,” he responded dejectedly. “Despite that being infinitely less cool, I’ll still be there. Are you sure you don’t want Steve to go? I feel like I’m entering his territory here, doll.”

“I’m sure, Eddie. I can’t put him through that again. It’s not that I don’t want Steve to know. I just want to save him the heartbreak, but I don’t think I can do it alone.”

November, 1993

It was unbearable keeping this from Steve. Two months of waiting for the spotting, the cramping, the pain of failing again. Sixty days of not telling the man you love most in this world. Weaving a web of lies for why you had to leave work early, why you couldn’t eat the dinner he made, why you wouldn’t have sex with him anymore, why you were going to see Eddie so much more than usual.

“Mrs. Harrington?” the nurse called. “Dr. Newfield will see you now. Follow me please.”

Deep breaths. In and out. Nothing to worry about. Just a 14 week checkup. Ya know, the one you haven’t made it to before. It’s totally okay. Deep breaths. Steve should be here. Oh my god he needs to be here. I need him here.

Eddie covers your hand with his, “Go on, it’ll be alright. I’ll be right here when you—”

“Oh my gosh! How could I forget? I have a dentist appointment today,” you blurt out, shooting up and walking towards the entrance. “Pregnancy brain! Please tell Dr. Newfield I’ll reschedule as soon as possible. Thank you!”

The bell rings out, announcing your departure, feet flying on the pavement before fumbling with the door handle of the Bronco. Hot tears roll down your cheeks, chest tight and unrelenting. Eddie grabs your hand, pulling it to his chest, “Remember to breathe, okay? Look at me. Don’t look at your feet, look in my eyes.”

Once he’s happy, Eddie drops your hand and places his own on your shoulders, “Alright, you going to tell me what the hell just happened in there?”

“I panicked,” you sigh, pulling your eyebrows together. “I’ve never made it this far along, and I realized I don’t want to go through this without Steve. As much as it terrifies me to know what is going on up in here,” you let out a teary chuckle, gesturing a finger around your stomach, “It scares me more to not have him here with me.”

“Well, I was going to save this until after the appointment, but since that is no longer happening, I think this breakthrough is a cause for celebration, too,” Eddie smiles. Reaching into the pocket of his jean jacket, he pulls out a rectangular velvet box.

Steve left early from work. Made up some lame excuse to his boss, but in reality he wanted to come home to you. You had called in today for a stomach bug and when he left this morning, you were shut in the bathroom with no signs of coming out soon. He wanted to stop by the store and get your favorites to surprise you, hoping this would make you open up to him. He hated how distant you were lately, and couldn’t help the doubt and jealousy that creeped in from how you were visiting Eddie more often than normal.

As he walked down the main street of town, he saw you and Eddie across the street by your car. Steve couldn’t hear him, but he could see the way he rubbed your arms and shoulders. He could see you beaming from ear to ear when he pulled a jewelry box out of his pocket. Eddie stepped behind you, delicately moving your hair to one side, and gently placing a necklace across your chest. Your hand came up to grab it, smiling down before turning around to hug him tightly.

Steve would like to think he was a level-headed individual, but his suspicions had been confirmed. You were cheating on him with your best friend. His best friend.

“I never thought I’d get to wear this, Eddie. Thank y—”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing with my girl, Munson?”

You turn around to see Steve barreling at you with a look you’ve never seen. He was furious, but there was something indiscernible in his eyes.

“Woah, Steve. Calm down, okay? What the hell is going on with you?” Eddie demands, cocking an eyebrow.

“Do me a favor and spare me the innocent bullshit”, he fumes before directing his attention to you. “So this is why you won’t talk to me anymore? Feeling guilty for going behind my back and sleeping with our best friend.”

Your mouth fell open. Shocked at just how wrong he had judged the situation. More tears already brimming at your waterline, in utter disbelief that he could ever think you were capable of hurting him like that. “Steve. That’s not what’s going on. How could you even think I coul—”

“Then why the fuck is he touching you like that and what the hell is this?” he asks, his hand reaching up to the golden heart laying on your chest and snatching it away before tossing it out towards the street.

Your eyes follow it and before you could even react, Eddie is already jogging to search for it, but not before shooting daggers at Steve. But he didn’t notice, his eyes were transfixed on yours.

“How could you do that, Steve?” you shout, tears now falling. “That was my mother’s!”

His brows knit in confusion, but the hurt and anger in his eyes didn’t waiver. “Then why have I never seen you wear it? In the almost ten years we’ve been together, I have never once seen you wear that”, he spat.

“Because I just got it from my father!” you sob. “The pendant was damaged, so I took it over to Wayne months ago and asked if he had any tools to fix it. I was finally able to wear it and you’ve ruined it!”

Steve’s brows finally relax and a look of guilt crosses his face as he sees you sobbing into your hands. He comes up to you and wraps his arms around your back, pulling your face into his chest. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I just assumed that was why you stopped putting effort into us.”

You pull your head back to look at him. “I would never, ever, do that to you”, you scolded before taking a deep breath, “But I have been lying to you.”

“O-okay?” he says, a look of confusion plastered across his features.

“I’m pregnant”, you state matter-of-factly.

“You’re pregnant?” he questions, pausing like he hasn’t processed it fully. “You’re pregnant?! When did y—“

“Nope. I talk, you listen,” you plead, shooting a hand up to stop him from talking. He nods, a puzzled look forming and biting back a small smile.

“I took a test two months ago, and I didn’t want to tell you because I couldn’t stand to see that hope and happiness get ripped from you again,” you gesture to the look he has now. “But I also knew there was no way for me to do this on my own, so I asked Eddie to take me to my appointments until I knew this one was safe. That is why it has been so hard for me to speak with you. It’s been hell trying to keep this from you, and I have been dreading the day I wake up and it’s all over.”

You close your eyes and breathe as his hand comes to rest along your jaw. Opening your eyes, you see his own have glazed over and he’s sporting the dopiest smile. “How far along are you? Do you know what it is?”

“Fourteen weeks,” you whisper, afraid that if you say it too loudly it will all come crashing down, but the smile growing on his face brings some solace. “And I have no idea what they are yet. That’s actually what this vis—”

“They? As in plural? Like, more than one?” Steve asks with wide eyes, moving between your belly and your eyes. You can’t help but giggle as you look at him, and then he’s smiling at you. Those brown eyes full of love and adoration, wondering how he got so lucky. He wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you close and swaying you gently. Lost in your own dream, surrounded by your little family.

“I found it!” Eddie calls, holding out the necklace and walking back over. You both look over, smiles beaming as Steve lets go and reaches for your hand. “I take it everything has been resolved?”

“Thank you, Eddie,” Steve says with a small smile, grabbing the jewelry from his hands. “For this, and for taking care of my girl. I’m sorry I freaked out on you,” he murmurs, looking down at the ground and rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

Eddie clasps a hand on his shoulder, “Water under the bridge, dude. I’m just happy you know now. Felt like I was going to have a heart attack from the stress.”

You nod vehemently in agreement with his last statement, and Steve chuckles at you both before turning to you, “Well, I’m sure these little nuggets will appreciate the relaxation.”

“These? There’s two?!” Eddie practically yells. “How did I not know this! Why didn’t you tell me?”

You let out a bright laugh, “Eddie, you would actually have to go back there with me to see it on the ultrasound.”

“No way. I’m not trying to see your lady bits,” he retorts, hands coming up to make an “X” and Steve joins in on the laughter.

“That’s not how ultrasounds work, Eddie,” you sigh, “and I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise for you both.”

“Well, then let’s go back in there and find out what they are!,” Eddie demands, already walking back towards the office.

You turn to follow, but Steve turns you towards him and pulls your hand to his mouth to place a chaste kiss. “I really am sorry, baby. I know this couldn’t have been easy on you. And I promise, I will take this chain to a jeweler as soon as possible and have it fixed. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Steve,” you say, placing a hand along his neck and bringing him down for a kiss.

Taglist: @enchantedlandcoffee

*edit: i forgot to do the tag list, so I added it on and please forgive me LOL. If you can’t read due to the topics or no longer want tagged i completely understand, just let me know!

#luvly ask #ems writes #i have a love hate thing with how this came out #but that's me with all my writings #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington drabble #stranger things fic #steve harrington angst

131 notes · View notes

creative-crybaby · 1 year

Note

Kageyama x fem!reader who also does volleyball and is a lot like him. Very angry and acts like she hates everybody, but when it comes to sex she's Tobio's little princess? <333

Oooooh~ anon, your brain is so juicy! Shlurp~ minors dni

Oh, you two were made for each other. That much, anyone was certain.

Even with you two being on different teams, it wasn't uncommon for you to be by his side. Most of your conversations consisted of your beloved sport, from talks on strategies to sound effects for descriptions. Though it's tough to complain about that when most of your peers tend to gear in that direction as well.

Your bluntness rivals Kageyama's, too. While good intentions come with the package, your critiques of your teammates' techniques would continue to feel like a dagger to the heart if they weren't so used to them by now.

Additionally, your response to physical touch is as graceful as a baby deer's first steps. It's expected that you'd be at a loss for words when your libero would slap your back as praise for a successful setter dump, or stare a little too long at your team's middle blocker's raised hand as she waits for you to give a high-five on a job well done.

None of this necessarily changes when Kageyama's around. Just better understood.

Any teasing about your attachment from your teammates earns them a scoff from you and a raised brow from your pretty setter, because why wouldn't he get you?

After all, he's the one you come home to at the end of the day.

Having your legs hooked over his broad shoulders as he pounds into your cunt has its perks, too. If not for the way you milk him dry, it's how he's the only one who gets to see you with your guard down, whimpering his name and begging for him to fill you up. And when you reach out to him, making grabbing motions with your hands as tears well up in the corner of your eyes, he absolutely melts on the spot. Not like he's any better, what with his flushed face and heavy pants, Kageyama wants to hold you close and never let go.

Maybe everyone was right about you two being alike, but they simply don't know the extent of that claim.

#so sorry i took forever to answer you anon #i care i promise #haikyuu smut #hq smut #kageyama smut #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #karasuno #hq drabble

384 notes · View notes

anohai · 1 year

Text

A big issue with Seyka’s character arc in Burning Shores...

*clicks tongue* Fuck it.

I debated over writing this out and posting it. Decided I might as well for not only my personal catharsis, but because it's been over 3 weeks since Burning Shores came out, I have had the time to mull things over more, talk with some friendly people who came to the some of the same conclusions I did, and really analyze everything. I’ve seen a sprinkle of other people expressing something similar to what I am about to cover, but I felt this deserved its own topic of conversation.

And forewarn, there be spoilers.

Of course, we're back to Seyka. I promise I'm not trying to pick on her. She actually has loads of potential, and I don't think she's a bad character. It's just she deserved better than what was shown in her overall character arc.

Last time, I wrote about the Seyloy romance, and why it is difficult (for some more than others) to feel good about it. This critique isn't going to be about that again in case you are wondering if I'm simply yelling louder in the echo chamber, but there will be some correlation to it. The more I played the DLC, the more I realized that while I still wasn’t sold on the romance, it wasn’t the root of why something felt off with Seyka’s story to me. So once the adrenaline of having a new shiny DLC to run around in wore off and was able to properly take my time soaking things in, this was the conclusion I came to:

The biggest issue with Seyka's entire character arc is that they tried way too hard to make her near-exile situation comparable to Aloy's when it very, very much is not.

In any capacity whatsoever. As to why?

Seyka tells us at one point that she loves her tribe, her community, and has always felt she's had a place in it until recently. The reason she's in any hot water at all when we meet her is because she ran off and stole a diviner's focus. Seyka is a marine, not a diviner so we know this is considered a huge taboo among the Quen. They are a sovereign tribe with a classicist system where the people are allowed to know only what is deemed necessary based on their role and/or rank. Should rules be broken, we are left to assume based on our conversations with Alva and even interactions with the Ceo & Overseer Bohai in HFW that the royal family and those in charge are imposing & unforgiving enough that normally there are severe consequences.

Luckily for Seyka, this isn't the case.

The first time we follow her back to Fleet's End, we're met with those who are referred to as Compliance Officers who are wanting a nasty word or two with our new friend. We are brought to Admiral Gerrit, the real person in charge, and he is....actually quite understanding of Seyka's actions. He gives her a quick verbal slap on the wrist but proceeds to give her full permission to continue her search for her sister and their other missing people with the stolen focus on hand. He's humble enough to tell Aloy in a private conversation afterwards if you choose to talk to him that their faction of the expedition has been spread thin enough as it is and Seyka has already proven herself to be a valuable and skilled member. Enough so that he admits he’s become increasingly reliant on her regardless of only being a petty officer in title. This assessment is fair and kind. It’s more than I would have expected out of someone with such a high position among the Quen of all tribes.

Seyka is given a huge safety net thanks to this swell guy. The compliance offers themselves can't do anything, and from what we see in the side quests, they are seemingly nothing more than a few school-yard bullies without any real authority to their position. They are annoying & petty at worst. All bark, no bite. As far as the rest of the Quen go, most individuals we come across seem either pretty cool or neutral with Seyka. It's not until later that we get any indication there are some who are calling for her exile afterall, but we only know this because we hear it from Seyka instead of seeing it happen. People are talking, as they will, and she's furious about it.

But really....the threat still isn't there. It never was. At least not to the extent I think we are supposed to believe it was.

All things considered, Seyka was placed in a very privileged, advantageous position amongst those in her tribe. Along with the lack of visible threat, there is never any real tension shown minus a few grumblings expressed in the background when we first arrive in Fleet’s End. And despite how Aloy perceives her, Seyka isn’t exactly a black sheep here. Especially when you consider she never had any personal turmoil with the rest of her tribe until not long before the events of Burning Shores and happily tells you herself she has always felt like she’s belonged. She's pretty much allowed to do what she wants without much pushback, and I found myself rolling my eyes during the final scene where she says she's unsure of where she stands with her tribe. Seyka is not an outcast, and I, for one, was never convinced or afraid she was at real risk of becoming one.

Which makes this all the more confusing when Aloy says she's an inspiration. An outcast in all but name. I'm willing to chalk some of this up to hormones talking and Aloy's growing infatuation taking a choke hold as most first time crushes will do. Except the problem here is that the writing clearly felt like we were meant to connect Seyka's strife with Aloy's on some level; carry the same sympathy for her that Aloy expresses, and see more of where their similarities hold up.

And yet...

I felt more for Kotallo who was kicked from his initial clan because his leader saw him as a threat and then later, might as well have gotten demoted for losing an arm because his tribe sees him as near useless for it..

And Zo who lives among the most pacifist, peace-loving tribe and was admonished when she not only went to fight back in the Red Raids, but wanted to do something about the blight and their broken Land Gods..

And Talanah who had to fight against blatant sexism that many carry in her tribe and an actual attempt for her murder all because she wanted to move up in the Lodge and make things better..

And Aloy, herself, who was outcast at birth for simply being born without a mother. And spent her entire life with only the man who raised her for company. In one small valley. For 19 years. Because there was no choice for her.

But somehow, we're supposed to see Seyka the same way Aloy does? Like no one she's ever met??

I...Really?

I'm sorry, but I don't buy this rebel fighter, near-outcast ploy here. And saying she's unlike anyone Aloy has ever met feels like a slap in the face to not only Aloy, herself, but to some of her companions we have come to know & love in the first two games. Most of whom I'd argue have been through more hell because of their own tribes long before they even met her. Seyka's plight is trivial, inconsequential in comparison and no where near as crippling as Aloy's was or her friends. It's honestly frustrating that it feels suggested it is.

What's worse is that this plotline is used as one big narrative tool to bring Seyka and Aloy closer on standing grounds outside of ability and personality. This essentially means Seyka and her entire character arc were written for the sole purpose of the romance. A character built for Aloy to quickly fall head over heels for and add progress in her own arc. I wrote last time that I can see this growth as an opportunity to explore romance further for Aloy with a pre-established character or two in H3. If I’m right & that happens to be the heart-wrenching, long-term, master plan Guerilla is going for, they have my applause (and my stress). Great for Aloy. In my opinion though, being created to be a love interest (lasting or not) for the main hero is a bit unfair to Seyka.

She's clever, she's badass, and she isn't afraid to take action without permission and help where she can. Next to Aloy, however, she stands as a self-reflection of her. A spotless mirror as to who Aloy could have been had she grown up under a community as well. I would love to see Seyka break out on her own as an individual character that isn't in the context of romance if ever given the opportunity.

Heck, if Guerilla wanted to in the eventuality they will be finished with Aloy's story, the Quen have easy potential to have an entire spinoff game revolved around them. We have a whole side quest in BS where a small group of Quen want to sneak focuses to non-diviners for the sake of knowing what's usually kept hidden from them. Hello, is that the beginnings of a rebellion, I see? And the world of Horizon has yet to be explored in places outside of the North American continent. Other tribes, different machines, more Old World locations, etc. Loads of potential everywhere. And guess what!? We practically have a budding main character on a silver platter: Seyka! She obviously has big enough main character energy. Might as well utilize it outside of a DLC if you can, and I don't mean for the next game.

It's hard say for sure whether or not Seyka will remain a DLC character. No matter what fans say, the ending was left ambiguous. Not only because of the romance but also where Seyka's future lies. She knows about Nemesis, yet she tells Aloy she's unsure of what she wants to do after her faction reunites with the other half in San Francisco, whether it's going home or something else. I would think if Guerilla had solid plans to include her in H3 while they were developing Burning Shores, they would have written the ending where she either offers to stay behind in Legacy’s Landfall for a time like Alva does or Aloy asks for her aid to help fight against Nemesis. Something to make it more clear she's here to stay. We don't though, so as far as anyone outside of Guerilla is currently aware, Seyka is not guaranteed to play a big part in H3 if any at all. And remember, DLCs are meant to be an extension of the main game and are primarily optional. They are typically not a requirement for playing the next big installment as far as understanding the story goes.

If she does show up in H3, the only thing I dread is the idea of her coming up and saying she's basically denounced her tribe because she still feels out of place and doesn't think she can belong afterall. Not to mention she has her sister, and after what happened with Kina, it would be a really bad look if she just decided to permanently leave her behind when her tribe isn't or never was trying that hard to push her away in the first place. And Seyka said it herself. She’s “not some weak-kneed sailor who abandons ship when the seas get rough,” and I’d like to believe she means it. It'd be one thing if she actually is forced into exile, but after the events of the DLC, she has too good of a repertoire for that to happen now. At least while she's outside of Quen homelands.

(Btw, don't even get me started on Aloy's convo with Kina over "remember Seyka's been through a lot too" as if we didn't just rescue this poor girl from A CULT and nearly groomed into becoming this centuries-old dude's image of his dead wife. Like honey, I know you're in love but have some thought & tact here.)

That’s about it. I will reiterate that as a character, I do actually like Seyka. As a self-imposed outcast? No. As Aloy’s love interest? That…needs some serious work. But as an individual who loves her tribe but will fight for what she believes in even if it means going against the royal, societal grain? Absolutely! And special kudos to Kylie Liya Page for bringing her to life.

Also, if you want to read a review that summarizes everything I just ranted about better than I could manage, along with everything good and not-so-great when it comes to the DLC, I recommend this essay here by ariseis.

If you made it to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading~

#horizon #horizon forbidden west #horizon zero dawn #hfw #burning shores #hfw burning shores #horizon forbidden west burning shores #seyka #burning shores spoilers #burning shores critique #guerilla

207 notes · View notes

weepylucifer · 4 months

Note

24. "You're trembling." steban/ulixes

The whole mess starts like this: one afternoon, Ulixes doesn't turn up to the reading group meeting.

His absence is a stark confrontation with the fact of how alone Steban is. Thus far, as long as at least Ulixes was still coming to the meetings regular as clockwork, Steban could go on with business as usual and put off reckoning with how solipsistic his little pretense at a revolutionary cell has become. Pretend like any educating of anyone in matters of radical theory was still being done here... like other members could walk in at any moment and give the whole thing a purpose again. Now, with Ulixes absent, Steban sits and waits and drinks too much coffee and feels, though he tries to ignore it, a bit like an idiot with his metaphorical dick in his hand.

He considers his options: he could go out and try to recruit again, he could go to bed and have a depressive episode, he could do serious self-critique about where the reading group went astray and why, he could wallow in his misery about driving his friends away with leftist infighting. He could disband the reading group. He could steal Cindy's pyrholidon and get high. He could go to Uli's apartment and start a huge fight about his perceived betrayal. He could get high, go to Uli's apartment, and have a sobbing breakdown about how Uli is his only friend and Uli's absence would destroy his life.

All those destructive impulses are eventually pushed aside, and Steban decides he will go to Uli's apartment, to check if there's something wrong with him. Uli has never missed a meeting before. Maybe it's not betrayal yet. Maybe there's something he needs...

When he, an hour later, knocks on Uli's door, Ulixes opens looking perturbed and disheveled, but at least he doesn't seem sick or hurt.

"Hi," Steban says. "You--"

"Oh no. The meeting..." Ulixes looks so caught out and almost frightened that whatever was left of Steban's sense of betrayal immediately evaporates. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to miss it, I've been out all day and... I only just came back here, you have to believe me..."

Steban raises a hand. He doesn't like seeing his friend so anxious. "It's alright. What's going on?"

Ulixes suddenly slumps against the doorframe, his skinny form bending like a defeated reed. "It's Comrade Reading, he's... gone missing."

Ah, yes, Required Reading. Uli's new kitten. Uli's new kitten that Steban is all support for, because Uli having a gentle, non-violence-related hobby must be encouraged... as long as the cat doesn't come close enough to Steban to shed hair on him.

Steban likes houseplants. They're his preferred way of existing alongside nature as a communist should. They're pretty, quiet, predictable, and can be raised according to a manual. They don't yell at him in the middle of the night, or scratch him, or bite him, or break his things, or shit in a box he has to clean, or mess up his cleanly, tidy, pleasant little apartment. Besides, something about this particular cat is... strange. It meows and purrs and cuddles and plays and whatever else the things do, but there's something Steban can't put his finger on that is... weird. The less he sees of it, the better.

Still, if Uli wants a cat, a cat he shall have. If Uli wants to spend every moment of his free time with a cat and not his human best friend who can actually carry a conversation and doesn't smell like litterbox, well... so be it. Who is Steban to question his tastes?

"I opened the door briefly to get the mail and he darted out past me," Ulixes is saying. "I've been looking for him all day."

"Oh," Steban says, then makes an effort to imbue his voice with more sympathy, "I mean... oh."

Now, he expects, is when Uli is going to channel his concern for his pet into rage, the way he usually does, and vow some vague idea of vengeance onto the universe for making this happen to him. Now he'll say something over the top like swearing to murder whoever should dare harm or withhold his cat from him in several grisly and overly specific ways that will leave Steban a mixture of nauseated and fondly exasperated, because it's clear that while Ulixes dreams (in graphic detail) of violence, he has never actually experienced it up close, and these fantasies are just how he copes, and...

"This is all my fault," Ulixes whispers, and Steban is shocked to see his eyes beneath his glasses growing damp, "I'm so bad at this, and now I messed it all up."

He sits down on his desk chair and buries his head in his hands. "Why did I ever think I could take care of something? He could die out there, and it's my fault."

There's nothing for it. Steban's still not exactly fond of the cat, but... seeing Ulixes this quietly devastated turns the world inside out. Steban thinks, I need you like I need my limbs and blood and beating heart, and puts his hand on Uli's shoulder. "We'll look for him together."

----

They make missing posters and print them on campus, and Steban volunteers to help put them up around Uli's neighborhood. They spend the rest of the day looking for Required Reading, even when it gets dark, even when it starts to rain. Eventually, Steban makes Uli take a break. Ulixes resists it, but at some point, he does have to sleep. Steban stays with him as their rain-soaked clothes dry over the heater, and softly reassures him as he drifts into an uneasy sleep.

Two days go by. The rain doesn't let up. Ulixes keeps searching for Required Reading, and Steban supports him, though privately he's beginning to lose hope for the whole endeavor. Revachol is gigantic, and there are myriads of ways for a very small cat to vanish in it. And of course Steban is sad for Uli's sake, because Uli really loved - loves - that cat, and taking care of something small and vulnerable has revealed a new side of him, one that Steban finds intriguing. But... a part of him, a part he tries to ignore because he's not quite comfortable with having it in him to think so lowly, is... not too bothered by the prospect of things going back to how they were before Required Reading appeared. Back when he- when the reading group had Uli's undivided attention. When Uli was focused on him the cause. When Uli would look at him with adoring eyes and--

Stop, Steban tells himself. That's a scummy way to think, and wholly inappropriate when it comes to your comrade. Of course you want him to get his cat back.

He should interrogate that entire train of thought, practice self-critique and remind himself of the incompatibility of Mazovian thought with such... greedy possessiveness. But he's not ready to examine himself in this instance, so he pushes it all down and out of sight.

It's ironic then that, on the third day, Steban finds the cat first.

He's on his way to Uli's apartment. It's still raining and he doesn't have an umbrella, so he's steadily getting soaked through. All he really wants is to get out of the weather. Still, he pauses when he hears, from across the deserted square, a tiny cry, like a baby, or a...

...kitten.

They've pinned one of the missing-cat-posters to a lamppost on the sidewalk here three days ago. Now, under the lamppost, crouched under a soggy, discarded newspaper that offers only scant protection from the elements, there he is, meowing plaintively for help: Required Reading. His fur is plastered to his body with rainwater, but it is him.

(It would be so easy for a passerby to recognize that this is the cat on the poster. Almost as if he sat himself down here on purpose... but surely that's impossible. Cats can't read, or recognize themselves on pictures.)

(Weird.)

Steban shakes his head. It's probably just a coincidence. He'd better scoop the cat up before he runs away, hope he doesn't get his arms scratched up, and bring the little thing home to Uli. Cautiously, he steps closer.

Sigh. Here goes nothing...

Suddenly, he hesitates. A thought unfolds...

Maybe he could just... keep walking. Pretend he didn't see. Ulixes would never know. He'd be sad for a while, but eventually he'd recover, and then they'd spend time in their meetings again like they used to... no more cat hair on his clothes, no more mess, no more having to feign interest in an animal he honestly finds a bit off-putting... and Uli's attention would not waver again, and Steban would never have to ask himself what he even is without Ulixes.

He stands in silence while the rain beats down.

Required Reading has stopped crying. He's seen Steban and, doubtlessly, recognized him. He doesn't scamper up to him like Steban supposed he might. He simply looks at Steban with eyes that seem way too intelligent, and in this moment Steban is convinced that somehow the cat knows what he's thinking. Knows that Steban is considering abandoning him here.

Weird!

Or maybe that's just his conscience?

"This is nonsense," Steban mutters to himself. Of course he's going to bring the cat back to Uli. Because that's the right thing to do, and it'll take the anguish off of Uli's mind, and surely Uli will be so relieved and thankful. Steban can just picture it: his normally reserved friend smiling and hugging Required Reading close to him, and maybe then he'll set the cat down and hug Steban, too, and express his gratitude and regard for how Steban went above and beyond for him... maybe there'd even be a kiss on the cheek in it for him...

But no. Why would there be? Steban is used to kisses from his family members as casual displays of affection, that is just their way, but if Ulixes did that... if Ulixes kissed him on the cheek, it would be different, it would mean something.

Despite the rain, he blushes. What is this thought? What is he considering here? And anyway, he's not supposed to do things because he expects a reward. Again, what an inappropriate thought to have, about a comrade no less. He can't just stand here getting lost in... whatever this is. There's a task to do.

Slowly, carefully, telegraping his movements, he crouches down and reaches for Required Reading. By some miracle, the cat doesn't spook. He lets Steban scoop him up, his small, shivering body almost eclipsed completely by Steban's slender hands.

"Aww, pobrecito," Steban murmurs, dutifully, because that seems like the sort of thing one says. "You're trembling... come here, let's get you home."

"Mrreeep," Required Reading says, huddling closer to Steban's body heat.

Steban tucks him underneath his jacket and continues on his way. It's still pouring down upon him, and the cat sneezes into his armpit, but he barely notices, his head swimming with thoughts of what awaits him: the warm and dry apartment, maybe some hot coffee, the opportunity to bring Ulixes a wonderful surprise, the dread and self-recriminations leaving his comrade's face and being replaced with joy, the feel of his body pressed against Steban's in an exuberant embrace, the gentle rasp of his beard against Steban's own stubble when the--

Hm.

As Required Reading, bundled up under his jacket, starts to purr, Steban begins his struggle to contend with the fact that, apart from everything else he's got going on already, he now apparently dreams of his comrade's kiss.

#answer'd #three people in total requested this prompt. and i will do it thrice!!!#disco elysium #steban the student communist #ulixes #required reading (the cat)#i stayed up until 6am to write this please clap #writings by me

36 notes · View notes

mirandapriestlyswife · 17 days

Text

Mirandy Fanfic- Apocalypse AU; Chapter 2

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

Hi! This chapters not that great, but I hope you enjoy anyways :) constructive criticism is welcome as this is my first fic! Enjoy!

Prologue https://www.tumblr.com/mirandapriestlyswife/747204446805704704/mirandy-fanfic-apocalypse-au-prologue

Chapter 1 https://www.tumblr.com/mirandapriestlyswife/747303362291286016/mirandy-apocalypse-fic-chapter-1

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

“You wanna play 20 questions?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

“….”

“What are you doing?”

“Work.”

“Work? What work?”

“Honestly Andrea, what does it look like im doing?” Miranda sighed exasperatedly and turned around in her office chair to face away from the brunette. Her office was a mess. Old copies of Runway were scattered across all surfaces, photos from shoots that go as far back as 1972 fluttered about. They interested Andy for about the first 20 minutes of arrival at Elias-Clark, as promised, at 7 AM. But now they just made her sad. It was like when she was going through her old high school yearbook after Lily passed. It made her smile to think about all the fun times they’d had… But then the realization that she would never hear her voice again settled in. The photos of past models gave her a similar feeling. Those people had lives. They had hopes and dreams. And now they were dead.

Miranda sighed and placed down her pen, rubbing her temples.

“You okay?”

“Oh…” She didn’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but at least she acknowledged the question. Andy sighed and got up to stretch. Shed been sitting on the floor close to Mirandas desk all morning. She was really desiring human contact. Sure they didn’t have to fall asleep in each-other’s arms, but a hug would be nice every once in a while.

“..Where are you going..?”

“No where. Just stretching.”

Miranda clicked her tongue. “Good.”

‘Good’? Did that mean she liked her presence? Andy smiled and leaned on the wall.

“So.. What do you do in your free-time?”

Miranda visibly rolled her eyes at this. It was fascinating, the woman looked so impossibly bored whenever Andy tried to initiate some type of conversation. Yet she looked over at her constantly, as if to make sure she was real. It was almost sweet… Almost.

“I work. Review old issues, critique. There isn’t much to do in an empty city.”

“Do you leave the building to get food or-“

“Upstairs. Theres a deep freezer. It somehow manages to keep things moderately fresh if I turn the power back on every few hours.” Miranda dropped her pen and leaned back in her chair. Gazing up at Andy.

She stood self consciously. “Do you ever leave the building..?”

“No? Why would I? I expect the streets are riddled with the smell of death.”

Andy shrugged. She wasn’t wrong. The bodies that weren’t relocated to mass graveyards at the beginning of the infection were in fact rotting in the last place they were before death. She walked past the gruesome sight of a homeless man with his eyes pecked out by pigeons every time she left the apartment. She ended up throwing up on the side of the road the first few times she saw it. But like most things, she just got used to it after a while. She kept reminding herself that theres no soul in that body, it was simply an empty shell. The sight still made her nauseas though.

“Yeah.. When I realized there was seemingly no one else left in the city I broke into The Plaza Hotel. I thought, ‘Hey if you’re the last woman alive, why not live a life of luxury?’” She chuckled. “Yeah.. That didn’t last long.. Walked in on some Wall Street guy that died in bed.”

Miranda closed her eyes momentarily, her lips forming a displeased expression.

“Why are there no body’s in this building?”

“Did you really just ask me why there are no corpses in this building?”

Andy sighed, was this woman trying to make her feel stupid? “Yes..?”

Miranda rolled her eyes and looked up at the ceiling, “Theres no bodies because we underwent quarantine two weeks before the initial mass outbreak. Alike your job I assumed.. Wherever you ended up.”

Andy shrugged, “We stayed open for a while.. You know, the world of journalism was really booming at the beginning.”

“Why only at the beginning?”

“Well.. People stopped reading.” She sighed sadly then put on the upmost pitiful laugh, “They got sad reading the latest death poll I guess..”

Miranda nodded, her eyes still shut.

“So…”

Miranda opened one eye which made Andy chuckle. “You just work all day? Where do you sleep?”

An immediate eye roll followed by a response of, “Where do you think?” In which Andy had no answer to.

“I sleep here.”

“Well I knew that much.. But theres-“ She looked around just to confirm her suspicions, “Theres no bed-“

“Correct…”

“Then where do you-“

“Honestly Andrea, not everyone needs a bed to sleep.”

Miranda Priestly doesn’t sleep in a bed? What? “..So.. You sleep.. On the floor..? Really..?”

“I sleep on the couch.” The older woman rolled her eyes and when Andy clearly wasn’t understanding, she cocked her head in the direction of the couch, corner of the office.

“..That can’t be good for your back.”

“And why are my back issues of your concern?”

Andy scoffed. “Well incase you haven’t noticed you’re the only one around here to talk to, and I honestly would rather you not be dead.”

“How would a little back ache cause me to die?” Miranda raised an eyebrow as she leaned forward and went back to what looked like aimlessly making notes on old magazines.

“Well.. I don’t know but-“ Andy stopped herself when she caught Mirandas eyes, but to her own surprise, she continued, “I care about you and-“

“Oh did you care about me when you abandoned me in Paris? To be mobbed by paparazzi questioning my divorce now questioning why my assistant is running off with her tail between her legs like some wounded animal? Did you care, Andrea? Did you care when you threw your company phone in a fountain? Don’t think I didn’t catch wind of that.”

Andy was stunned.. Out of all things she expected to hear from Miranda, confrontation wasn’t one of them. “Miranda, please.. I was young-“

“You’re still young.”

“I was immature!”

“Seems like nothings changed, has it?” Miranda shut the magazine and stood up, glaring at the taller woman. Andy frowned, out of all the damn people to be left alive on Earth, why did it have to be her spiteful boss?! She took a deep breath, she couldn’t afford to ruin the one chance at some sort of companionship with Miranda.

“Look, I’m sorry for that… ‘Stunt’ I pulled in Paris.. I was young! My whole life outside of work was falling apart! My boyfriend had just left me and-“

“Oh yes ‘Nate’, let’s hear about ‘Nate’.”

Andy was about to fire back when she realized.. How did Miranda know Nates name? Did she have her phone wired or something?! “You.. Know about Nate..?”

Miranda’s mask slipped for a moment, she looked almost embarrassed as she pursed her lips. “I may have.. Overheard some conversations between you and Emily.” She straightened herself up, “Nothing of interest of course.”

Oh.. Lovely to know her old boss was probably listening to every complaint Andy made when she had the time. She raised her eyebrows and chewed her bottom lip, not knowing how to continue without resulting in an argument. “So you-“

“You should stay here tonight.”

Andy stared at the older woman, bewildered.

“Here…? With you..?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Miranda took off her reading glasses and added on, “Unless you’re uninterested.”

She wasn’t sure she wanted to.. She wasn’t sure she didn’t want to either. And what did she mean by ‘uninterested’? Uninterested in what exactly? In Miranda? In the idea of staying with her?

“I.. I kind of should go back to Lily’s apartment.. All of my stu- I- belongings.. Are there.” She sighed in relief that she caught herself from saying ‘stuff’. Somehow proper use of filler words was more important than figuring out what to eat for dinner that night. Andy almost smiled before she noticed the slight disappointment in Miranda’s complexion. “..Maybe you want to come back with me? I mean- I don’t have a lot of room but..” IDIOT! Shit! Shit! Shit! Why did she just invite Miranda over like that?! Of course she wouldn’t be interested in-

“Acceptable.” Andy was shocked. Miranda Priestly was willing to spend the night in the same building as her? Let alone the same room? She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and swallowed hard. Those unresolved feelings from Paris seemed to be fighting their way through the deep corners of her subconscious she had them buried.

“Great.. We can head out-“

“Lets go now.” Miranda sighed, looking around with little interest and then looking at Andy expectingly. “Well?”

“Well? Well, what?”

The older woman scoffed, “Do I look like I know my way to your apartment, please Andrea lead the way.” She muttered as she grabbed her Prada bag that she had carelessly discarded on her dust ridden desk. Miranda Priestly was quite the mess without two full time assistants at her disposal 24/7.

“..Right- it’s a long walk..”

“Andrea, I’ve lived in this city since before you were born im sure, I know how to walk places.”

“Right.. But are you really going to do that in.. You know.. Heels-?”

Miranda snickered, or at least thats what it sorta looked like. Somewhere between an almost laugh and a downright hiss. “Trust me. I can walk fine, Andrea.”

“Yes, Miranda.”

The walk to the apartment was rather quiet. Except for Andys occasional attempt at making conversation.

“We should check out BloomingDales, you know.. Raid them of their designer clothes.” She tried to joke but Miranda simply put on her Versace sunglasses and acted as if she didn’t hear her. Of course.

“How much longer must we drag our feet for?”

“..Well we just passed the bagel place.. So maybe.. um.. 30ish more minutes?”

Miranda clicked her tongue at that. Andy wanted to ask her why the hell she had even agreed to come spend the night with her if all she was going to do was shoot her disapproving glares, but she kept quiet and instead focused on the sound of falling leaves.

The city stank. It always stank. Since it was built it was as if the founding fathers had decided ‘This shalt be the city that smell like shit’. But instead of sewage water, the place reeked of decomposing flesh. Andy covered her nose with her sweatshirt as they passed the body of what looked like a woman that had simply fallen asleep in the park when the infection had killed her. She heard Miranda gag behind her which would’ve made Andy chuckle under different circumstances.

“You don’t leave Elias-Clarke much?”

“I try not to.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I want to walk around a city of corpses?”

Andy didn’t respond as the two continued their walk in silence.

“It’s a nice day out..”

Miranda made a noise of approval in response.

Finally.. Fucking finally.. After a torturous walk in silence, they had finally arrived at Lily’s apartment. Of course, Lily didn’t live there anymore. But she still referred to it as ‘Lily’s apartment’, as if she were carrying out her best friend’s legacy by naming a crappy studio apartment in her honor. She jiggled open the door, which she had left unlocked. She lost the key months ago and only really locked up at night.. Besides, in the off chance that a psychotic murderer had broken into the apartment, she’s sure she’d welcome death with open arms.

“Well.. Here it is.” She shrugged as she made her way through the messy apartment. Books on top of books and magazines covered almost every available surface.

“So.. Do you wanna stay on the couch or-“

“I assumed there were two bedrooms? Did you and Lily not live here together?”

Andy cringed at the accusatory tone Miranda took, it almost sounded like jealousy..

“Um.. Yeah- well- the couch is a pullout.. I usually sleep there anyways.” She gestured to the mass of pillows and blankets on the folded up pull out couch. “I don’t touch the bedroom- that was Lily’s. I’d like to keep that door closed if you don’t mind while you’re here.”

Miranda nodded and turned her head towards the kitchen, observing the area. “If I take the couch, where will you sleep?”

“I don’t mind the floor.. I can take the pillows from the chair and-“

“We can share the pullout.” Miranda set her purse on the kitchen counter and looked to Andy to set up the pullout couch for the two of them. Andy stared at her in shock. It actually didn’t sound.. Unpleasant. God knows the fantasies she had about Miranda before Paris.. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad? She’s missed the physical touch of another person.

“Yeah that sounds.. Good.” She looked Miranda up and down, “You didn’t bring pajamas- did you?” That sounded a lot more perverted than she meant to.

Miranda seemed surprisingly unaffected, “No. I was a bit…” she clicked her tongue, “Spontaneous when agreeing to this.”

Andy shifted awkwardly on her heels, “Right.. Well.. I have some old shirts and sweaters you can go through if you want. Some of its clean.” Some of it was in fact clean. She had learned how to wash clothes with a jug of water, scrub brush, and soap, but it still didn’t seem that hygienic. Miranda pursed her lips and nodded.

“And what do you eat..?”

Andy’s face flushed in embarrassment. Food had always been a.. Sore subject when it came to Miranda to say the least. Being called the ‘fat, smart girl’ by the woman she quite honestly thought was hotter than the Ohio pavement on an August afternoon took quite a chip at her relationship with food. Pun not intended. “Oh.. You know.. Just cans of things I pick up- theres some apricots..” She walked over to the pile of canned goods she’d been hoarding in her kitchen, digging around, “Around here somewhere…”

“I’ll look myself Andrea, thank you.” She kept digging through the cans anyways. What would tonights meal be? A can of olives that’ll have her waking up in the middle of the night more dehydrated than a damn sponge? She heard Miranda shuffling around the apartment, probably going through the laundry pile. She heard Miranda groan in disgust at the sight of her clothes from Old Navy and the Gap. God, this was going to be a long night.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────

Hope you enjoyed!

18 notes · View notes

twisted-wonderland-but-gayer · 2 years

Note

Hi hi! Its me,🍯🎂 anon again! I had this idea of a request- could you do headcanons for the dormleaders with a trans male s/o? More specific one who uses a binder because he can't have top surgery yet( i'm trans male myself and in kinda the same situation). You can choose if will be sfw or notsafeforortho.

Binding with Dorm Leaders

Okay, this is kinda cracky. Dorm leaders don't know ur trans.

Riddle

This would never happen. He always knocks like a good boy because Mama raised a very mentally unwell gentleman

However, in the case where he doesn’t knock, assume hell is freezing over or there is an emergency.

Boy freezes. He just sees you taking off your shirt and assumes he immediately invaded your privacy.

He lets out a flustered mix of “Oh my goodness I’m so sorry” and “Lock the door next time.”

Leona

Look, bro. In the nicest way possible. He does not care.

Unless it looks like your binder is sucking the life out of you, he will not bat an eye.

He will just walk past you and nap on your bed, expecting you to join him when you're done.

If you do become defensive or flustered he will just sneer and close his eyes, saying it's not a big deal.

You binded for nothing, it is bedtime.

Azul

Pray it never happens to you.

He lets out some weird yelp with his face all red before apologizing. Much like Riddle he also tells you to lock the door.

Slams it shut and has to calm down, especially if you ended up yelping.

But, he saw your binder. Big mistake.

Contract time.

We have contacted you about your genders extended warranty

“Oh Yuu, why didn’t you tell me I would have helped you transition!” Now here sign this contract and he can get you a super high-tech binder and a transformation potion of sorts.

Yet despite the steep price you have to pay it is still cheaper than buying a bandaid from a US hospital.

Kalim

Oh, it's not a big deal, as long as it isn’t to you.

He will just close the door behind him and continue what he was gonna talk about.

If you panic, he panics. He will freeze and you need to throw stuff at him for him to leave.

Would offer to help you bind, of course. But look here listen.

Do not let him help you.

Floyd can only dream of squeezing you as hard as he did.

Vil

Starts critiquing your binder since its not up to the latest trends/j

No, but in all seriousness, he would chastise you slightly for not locking the door, before stepping out.

If he notices you are binding wrong you will get a huge lecture and he will bind you himself, explaining the proper technique.

Out of all of them, he’s a true ally. He would most definitely offer some advice to help you feel more affirmed in your gender.

Sometimes it's hard to remember how kind Vil is when he’s a bitch on every occasion, but we stan Vil here.

Idia

You all know where this is going.

He shrieks and runs away so cartoonishly, that it leaves a trail of smoke like he came from the old racist rubber-hose Disney cartoons.

He will not speak to you for weeks.

Malleus

The only one here besides Vil with common sense.

He apologizes and steps out when he notices your changing

This scenario will never happen though.

He’s not invited.😔

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #trans reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #vil shoenheit #vil shoenheit x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #kalim al asim #kalim al asim x reader #🍯🎂 anon

569 notes · View notes

sharonisthebettercarter · 9 months

Text

we need to talk about common comic opinion for the boys

so i read the comics.

was curious for a while, buddies wanted to do it, finally bit the bullet and MAN OH MAN~<3

there's common opinion that swirls around from people who *have not read the comics* need i remind, an opinion that they are merely *meaningless edgelord drivel* or the like.

i'm here to bust that misconception, smack it upside the head and drag it around the fuckin' town and kick it till it's caved in because it couldn't be more *wrong* if it tried.

first thing i'll say is that the comics *don't* compare in what you'd call 'gratuitous edginess' to the show. while they have their 'bit on the nose moments', they're drawings that go panel by panel. even what they *could* show wouldn't compare, and it honestly doesn't. (coming from someone who's also watched the show too many times over now and got a nice fresh read in)

robin's death is more brutal *in the show*. there is more blood and gore. *in the show*. the arguably edgiest thing between both of them is a guy exploding another guy from inside his urethra, which *only happens in the show*

and for those that have no clue about the big twist or comics homie and try to make blocks of analysis for a character they have zero actual information or decent research on.

homelander is worse. *in the SHOW*.

granted, both have similar enough structure with reversed character development/reveal, but i digress

butcher is just THE biggest fucking bottom by the way, lord satan i CAN NOT with that boi--

anywho~<3

the 'meaningless' part? well that's just a big fat lie and i'll say it up front. that shit needs to stop. this thing was definitely an emotional rollercoaster, and while it may be true that it's not for everyone, it was far from meaningless and actually brilliantly written and even researched.

it's raw, it feels real half the time, it teaches valuable lessons, and even when you're in the notion of 'okay, where is this going, it's sus', when you stick with it? you get rewarded fucking beautifully.

there are moments you'd disagree with the characters actions in a way that makes them feel humanly flawed. of course they might do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, so do real life humans?? there are cross cultural miscommunication references and conversations that show ennis knew what he was doing and why he did it a certain way. and yeah, it can be too much to handle for some,

*but if you honestly feel that way you shouldn't be watching the show either*

and here's what it's not.

meaningless, ill-thought, pointless, edgelord drivel.

it *is* an intricate and well done, brutally *honest* creative critique of the *military industrial complex*, *corporate capitalism*, and a couple other things expertly squeezed in. even touching on *abuse* and hitting all the right spots for how it can psychologically fuck with people. the ending punches you in the fucking feels as you could appropriately expect it to with a hard side of begrudged satisfaction.

good fucking satan these things were an excellent read that compelled me to want moar from start to finish, and yeah, if you have watched the show then i *highly* recommend them because the important topics and themes touched on are presented much better in the comic, even with the sometimes wonky ass art in place of hawt actors to distract you, lmao

but seriously? the lot of you that keep spouting nonsense from your clenched up assholes without actually bothering to look at the source material need to stop. all you're doin' is actin' damn fools and showing off high and mighty opinions based on complete mis-education if not un-education.

and f.y.i.... also being the damn fools both the comics AND show make fun of.

so remember that line billy says?

'but the main reason you don't hear about it is cause the public don't want to know about it.'

that's y'all. legit, at this point. more specifically, y'all would be the 'public' that wants to live with rose tinted glasses instead of acknowledging that reality is more brutal than we often want to see or admit.

why else would you keep denouncing and dismissing the comics and source material of something you allegedly love?

because some other schmuck on the internet said a lie, gave you hearsay, or a rumor they heard through a grapevine on a game of telephone that said it wasn't worth looking into yourself?

well i'll call bullshit on that straight up but what are y'all so afraid of??

couple other things i will say, if you hate butcher for being the biggest worldclass cunt, you will absolutely feel vindicated and have your feelings or possibly lovehate boner (like mine~) completely validated with what happens in these comics (and if i'm being honest about the direction of the show, weeeeelllll...~<3 lemme not tho lmao<3 still def the biggest bottom, out bottoms hughie by far, i wanna see him get railed by vas/love sausage)

i will also say, billy is 100% wrong in the comic and the show is slowly but surely unraveling that truth there as well, if it's not clear enough by now. what he does isn't for becky/becca, and definitely not for ryan either. it never was.

it's for his father, no i will not elaborate cause read the damn comics. (but also, people need to stop fucking forgetting that HUGHIE is the *actual* good guy here, not billy... billy is a bad guy... billy is objectively worse than homelander in many MANY canon ways and remember that reverse character development i mentioned--.)

contrast, if you *love* butcher, you will likely be disappointed in the show, but the comics will help prepare you for it (they also make too many things CLEAR)

unfortunately, you do not get sweetheart noir in this and while i love his show counterpart, bearing with cunt 9000 noir is worth it. (it also sparked fic ideas for me cause why not both~<3)

LOVE SAUSAGE IS UNREAL AND PERFECT~<3<3<3 if nothing else, comics love sausage at least deserves your full attention.

homelander's as always is a fun boi, show homelander by comparison is basically *final stage* comics homie (full throttle evil berserk type shit/just before it hits) take everything you thought you knew about (comics) him, and throw it out the fuckin' window.

boi does some fucked up shit... and ALSO has fucking mental breakdowns and visceral reactions like throwing up to doing evil shit because he literally can't stomach it and is trying to convince himself that he is the bad guy because he's been gaslit--.

and i'ma stop there. read the fuckin' comic if you actually wanna know just how deep that homie rabbit hole goes.

and i will absolutely use the idea of him having legit *adverse reactions to doing evil shit* in a fic because FUCK. YES. that was a sad but lovely detail and would make for a perfect fuckin'a alibi<3

anywho~<3, if you recognize he's a victim in the show? the comics. read them cause OOOOOHHHH--.

56 notes · View notes

gartenofbanny · 11 months

Text

This blog is going to be something new, so if you were expecting a HB or HH Critique, don't worry it's coming. Today I'm really going to criticize MHA and something I didn't like in My Hero Academia's War Arc that being, Midnight's Death.

The War Arc in MHA isn't the perfect Arc and in my opinion, isn't really my favorite arc either. There were stakes and potential in this arc that were erased later on such as Deku's arms, but there's one thing in this arc that I didn't like and that's Midnight's death.

Midnight isn't my favorite character, but I knew that she is a fan favorite and she's one of the teachers in UA High that has a lot of screen time. I believe she's only behind Aizawa and technically Toshinori Yagi (All Might), but you guys are all free to correct me on that. I read the manga and when I first saw Midnight die, legitimately I was mad and my anger honestly fueled up more once the manga continued. At first, I was mad that she died, but now I'm just mad that she had a pretty bad death and wasn't even mentioned later on. So I'm gonna start with what I don't like the most.

She died by random villains

Midnight died by some random ass villains that we never heard of and she was seemingly jumped by them as well. I know people die in wars and I know that you can't expect everyone to live, but come on. She's one of the more developed characters in MHA if you count Vigilantes and was in MHA since the beginning, yet you let her die by random villains that we don't even know the names of?

With how powerful Class 1-A or Class 1-B is, I'm pretty sure that the stronger or even the at least average members of those classes are able to beat up those villains. I am aware that Midnight was injured, but her quirk literally allows people to fall asleep with the effect working stronger on men. And what gender were the villains that jumped her? All male. Yes two of them had a gas mask, but Midnight does have combat skills aside from her quirk.

So that's one complaint, let's move onto another

Minor Characters have had better-written deaths than Midnight

For this argument, I'm just going to bring up one character that in all honesty had a better and more understandable death than Midnight and that character is Crust. Crust is the 6th highest-ranked hero in Japan and he died after saving Aizawa due to the speed of Shigaraki's decay quirk catching up to him.

Now this death is pretty understandable as Shigaraki is one of the most powerful characters in MHA and his quirk is immediate death once it makes contact with you. So why am I comparing these two deaths? Well, Crust's death makes sense while Midnight's doesn't. She fell from a tall height and was also possibly crushed by the debris that Mr. Compress spawned and was injured as a result then she was jumped by some villains she most definitely could've defeated unless those villains are powerful too. That's fine and well until you realize that Izuku completely shattered his arms and was still able to fight, Bakugo was impaled and even tried to fight, and Mr. Compress had a chunk of his torso missing and still tried to fight.

So why should her death make sense when there are characters that had more damage inflicted on them and survived? Crust's death made sense because he was disintegrated and his quirk couldn't counter Decay, meanwhile, Midnight was jumped while injured and possibly didn't even defeat the villains that jumped her. So onto my next complaint.

She was barely brought up after the war

Midnight was never really mentioned or even bought up after the War Arc which is honestly pretty disappointing. Midnight wasn't brought up again past the War Arc despite the fact that Aizawa was her best friend since their teenage years and Mina and Momo were her students she had a close bond with. I won't be elaborating further here because I'll go into manga spoilers. Onto my next complaint

Characters that should've died, didn't

Many other major characters in My Hero Academia who have suffered through fatal wounds and injuries that should've killed them, did not die. Yet Midnight who at most was injured by Mr. Compress was killed by being jumped by a bunch of villains that we don't even know. There are a couple of instances where characters should've died, but they didn't, and I'm gonna use the most popular instance. Bakugo was impaled by Shigaraki/AFO in multiple areas yet he was still alive and even tried to fight throughout the War Arc. There's no way that Shigaraki/AFO intentionally or unintentionally missed any vital organs that Bakugo was stabbed through, yet he survived and even had some energy left to fight.

Gran Torino should've straight up died when Shigaraki plunged his fist into the old man's abdomen but it's revealed that he was alive and was injured. Ok wait, Gran Torino was able to survive getting impaled by Shigaraki but Sir Nighteye wasn't able to survive getting impaled by a sharp stone?

Pixie Bob honestly should've died too when Shigaraki's decay wave caught up to them. Yeah, she can manipulate the Earth around her, but how can she manipulate something that's being disintegrated.

Also, Gran Torino points out that even a small speck of the debris can disintegrate someone upon contact, it's wildly convenient that Pixie Bob wasn't even touched by the decaying debris.

This can also extend to a certain villain, Mr. Compress who had a chunk of his torso missing and was knocked out by Mirio. However he didn't die despite the fact that a chunk of his torso missing, he likely lost a lot of blood, and he could've been in shock. So he really could've died in three separate ways, but he didn't.

So remind me again why those characters didn't die, but Midnight did? Well, I have a reason why.

Killed for shock

Yeah, I believe Midnight was killed for shock value, similar to why Bakugo was presumed to be dead in that same arc, shock value. Midnight was inflicted wounds that other characters could survive, she wasn't brought up either by the students or Aizawa or Present Mic in the future, and she just died from characters we've never heard of.

I wouldn't have minded if Midnight died, but give us a long-term impactful and understandable death and not a short-term semi-impactful and BS death. Anyway, thank you all for reading this blog and I hope you all have a nice day! ❤️

#mha critical #mha criticism #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha critique #bnha critical #bnha #bnha criticism

66 notes · View notes

five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

Text

questions i want everyone who say “all ABA is abusive” to know how to answer—especially non ABA survivors:

to be fair! i 100% agree ABA can be very abusive. sure some of the field have changed many throughout the years, but much of the field has not. what each clinic bill under “ABA” may be vastly different, some may not even be ABA!

but i think there is more nuance to “all ABA is abusive and every parent who put child in ABA is abusive” conversation.

i believe you have to understand something to critique it.

these questions are largely targeted towards non ABA survivors because i see a lot of non ABA survivors regurgitating things from other non ABA survivors. these questions may be triggering for ABA survivors who have trauma from ABA.

i encourage non ABA survivors to use own words to answer these questions if possible.

so here goes:

1. what is ABA? what are its fundamental principles, and how it concretely achieve that?

for example, what are discrete trial training? what are naturalistic learning? give example of how that can look like between an ABA therapist & the receiver.

2. who is ABA targeted at?

because while autistics are targeted, there is often specific population of autistics. who are they? and ABA is also given to more than autistics. who are they?

3. what is abusive about ABA / how can ABA be abusive? can you name multiple reasons?

4. can you give concrete examples of that?

for example, the common saying ABA promotes masking. what does that look like between an ABA therapist & receiver?

5. can any ABA be done without that? if yes, what will that ABA look like? if no, why not?

6. goals of ABA, goals set for the ABA receiver. can they ever be beneficial? we’re talking solely about goals, we are setting side the methods to achieve those goals later.

if yes, what are some examples? if no, why not?

for example, masking again. the ability to mask, learning how to mask. for a white person? for a Black person? for other BIPOC?

7. can ABA (or anything!) be both beneficial and harmful? life changing and abusive? why or why not?

8. in current state of world,

because we can talk about “in an ideal world” all we want, but reality is ABA is happening right now, families are struggling right now.

8 a. what are some alternatives to ABA? are these resources as readily available as ABA?

think insurance coverage, governmental recognition, school coverage, clinician availability, cost, single parent status, location (esp rural areas and other less discussed countries), other marginalized identities

think… “levels of dysfunction” for lack of a better word. like a child with frequent violent destructive meltdowns. a child with violent “behaviors.”

if a parent put their child in these alternative services and not ABA, does the government recognize these alternative services as “intervention?” will child protective services or equivalent?

8 b. do these resources focus on the same/similar areas as ABA? idk how to phrase this question but hear me out. some ABA focuses on developing life skills & adaptive functioning skills (what are them?). do these services work on them, for example?

9. in a better world, what can be alternatives to ABA?

10. how may ABA look different for different populations? how may ABA expectations differ for different populations?

how may societal expectations differ for different populations? how may consequences of not fitting in the societal expectations differ for different populations?

a level 1 autistic? a level 3 autistic? a high support needs person who can’t independently do basic ADLs, who don’t understand safety? a nonspeaking person? someone with “problematic behaviors”? someone with motor troubles? a non autistic person with other developmental disabilities? someone with an intellectual disability or global developmental delay? kids? adults? BIPOC?

11. add on bc i suddenly remembered and am too lazy to re number the entire thing, are ABA and early intervention the same/similar or different things? explain. explain beyond target age groups, focus on what each service do.

who are eligible for early intervention? can you receive that without a diagnosis?

edit to add, 12. can ABA be reformed? why or why not?

finally, 13. have you ever talked to an ABA survivor about ABA? directly in a 1 on 1 conversation? group setting? or saw content by said ABA survivor about ABA? have you intentionally seeker out content by ABA survivors on ABA?

here are just questions on top of my head. i am sure i missed many.

again, these questions are not to convince you all ABA are actually not abusive (bc uh, i don’t believe that either), but to add nuance to “ABA = abuse” conversation so we can be better activists.

here is a post i wrote about bringing nuance to ABA

#aba therapy tw #aba therapy #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #actually neurodivergent #autism #autistic #loaf screm

207 notes · View notes

once-upon-an-animation · 11 months

Text

My massive TSATS Review

Hi everyone. In this post, I will sharing my thorough review of The Sun & The Stars by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro. I don’t normally do thorough book reviews, but since I’ve invested a lot of time, effort, and money into the hype for this book, I feel like a thorough book review is the best way to top off the journey. In this review, I’m going to be going over my honest feelings, thoughts, and opinions on the plot, the characters, and the writing quality. I took notes as I was reading, so certain things may be repeated/out of order/etc. In addition, I only took notes on the things that stood out to me. Therefore, if it’s not mentioned in this review, it means that it’s a detail that I felt neutral on/didn’t care about.

When I do reviews, I like to share details about me that may contribute to my perspective on the book, so that anyone reading this review is aware of any biases I may have. So here are some of the opinions I held prior to starting the book:

I am not a Nico stan. I don’t hate Nico, and I actually enjoy his character quite a bit, but I wouldn’t call myself a stan. I don’t worship or feel particularly attached to his character.

I am not a Solangelo shipper. I like Solangelo as a concept, but have been particularly unimpressed with its execution thus far, especially its introduction in Blood of Olympus (BoO).

As of ToA, I’m not a big fan of Will’s canon personality. I acknowledge and accept it as canon, and I don’t like it. Ever since Will and Nico’s first interactions in BoO, the way Will talks to Nico about his experiences has always rubbed me the wrong way.

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I am currently unsure of my sexual/romantic orientations. Therefore, I don’t know how much this book means to me in terms of “representation”, and I’m not necessarily nuanced on all aspects of queer relationships. \

I did not like the preview. I read the preview of the first few chapters when it was released/leaked, which Mark shared that they wrote. And yeah…I was not a fan. The writing wasn’t bad, but it did feel a little jarring, which was to be expected. However, the characters, jokes, and overall flow felt off. And I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing this, but it absolutely gave off fanfiction vibes. I mean, TSATS is essentially canon fanfiction given that Mark is not the author of this franchise.

Lastly, the following arguments: “This book isn’t for you; it’s for kids!”, “It’s a kid’s book, it’s supposed to be cringey/corny/silly!”, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about the book, just shut up!”, and “If you think anything was wrong with this book, you didn’t read it right!” do not mean anything to me. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly lost the capacity to evaluate the quality of children’s media. If adults are allowed to create children’s media, then adults should also be allowed to analyze them and critique them. In addition, if adults are allowed to review a book and say that it’s good, then adults should be allowed to review a book and say that it’s bad. Positive opinions are not inherently more valid or morally better than negative ones. Negative opinions have their place in art and literature consumption and people are allowed to dislike things and share why. If you cannot handle the possibility that people thought this book was bad, then book discussion is not an arena you should be in. Lastly, I do not hold children’s media or diverse media to lower standards. Children’s media can and should be of high quality. Diverse media can and should be of high quality.

Whew, okay! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started! Warning: There will be spoilers! And this post will be very huge/long!!!

Plot

So the basic gist of the plot is that Nico has been hearing this voice calling out to him from Tartarus and he believes that it’s Bob, so he and Will journey down to Tartarus to go rescue him. They stop by the Jackson apartment to get some advice from Percabeth, they spend some time in the Underworld with the troglodytes, and then they face off with Nyx in Tartarus, who is holding Bob hostage. As far as the overall plot, I was very “meh” on the whole thing. I already disliked the premise because A) I think Rick’s version of Tartarus is kind of lame and he always insists on turning things into a joke down there, and B) It felt kind of repetitive with Percabeth’s journey. In addition, Will and Nico don’t actually reach Tartarus until more than halfway through the book, which is actually ridiculous. As a result, the first half of the book feels like such a massive drag and around Chapter 26, I kept wondering “Holy cow, when are they going to get to main destination!!?!??”

Before anyone comes for me, I completely understand that this book is more character-focused than plot-focused. In some ways, this is a welcome change, but in other ways, it really makes certain portions of the book feel like a slog to get through, especially if you’re not a diehard Nico/Will/Solangelo stan and you were hoping for an exciting story outside of the characters. Just because you’re spending more time with the characters doesn’t mean that your story should be lagging. You’re supposed to weave the character development into the main plot.

Anyway, here are my specific chapter notes, arranged in groups:

Chapters 1-5

- So it seems like not much was changed between the preview I read and the final version of the story. I’m kind of disappointed about that because as previously stated, I didn’t really like the preview.

- The Darth Vader joke: I thought the overall joke was cute, but I think it’s the way it was written that makes it land weirdly. I think it went on for just a tad too long.

- I’m not really buying the idea that there are zero kids staying at CHB for the year aside from Nico and Will. I understand the explanation that the book gave, but I find it very unlikely that every single kid at CHB has a happy home to return to, especially given Annabeth’s and Leo’s storylines as examples.

- On a positive note, I am happy to see Nico’s Italian heritage being a stronger part of his character.

- I really enjoyed Nico’s dream sequence in the beginning chapters. It felt nice to see dreams used not just as a plot device but in a way that says more about the emotions of the character. I hope you’re taking notes, Uncle Rick!

Chapters 6-10

- I have mixed feelings about the Percabeth cameo. On the one hand, I feel like it’s tradition to have them cameo in books now since they’re no longer main characters and people like having updates on them. I also think receiving their advice about Tartarus made sense. On the other hand, their advice was kind of shitty and not very useful. There were so many practical tips they could have given, such as certain enemies (ie. Nyx) or certain locations (ie. Hermes’ shrine) to look out for, and they just like…didn’t. It kind of kills me because Annabeth in particular is supposed to be the “smart” and “wise” character, but whenever she has an opportunity to actually do something wise and helpful, Rick dodges that shit like the plague.

- Speaking of WiseGirl, Annabeth’s “Why you, Nico?” line pisses me off and feels like a really stupid question that she should know better than to ask. Unless there are details that I’m missing, Annabeth knows that Percy’s relationship with Bob is quite strained due to the fact that Percy never visited him and Nico being the one to visit is the main reason that Bob was willing to help. Why would it surprise her that Bob would call out to Nico instead of them? Is Nico not the one who actually formed a friendship with the guy? In addition, why should it even matter that Bob didn’t call out to them? It’s not like she and Percy would have actually gone, given how traumatized they are by Tartarus and how they’re trying to live peaceful lives. So again, what is the motivation for asking a rude question like this? Did she actually want to lead the rescue mission? Would a call from Bob that she may have ended up ignoring make her feel validated> Is she offended or jealous or something? Sorry, but this question annoyed me so much and I don’t understand why Annabeth felt like she needed to ask it given everything she knows about Bob and Nico.

- I appreciate hearing Nico make some positive comments about Percy, especially since a lot of Nico/Solangelo stans insist that Percy is the Devil Incarnate. Hopefully, the fact that their favourite character doesn’t hate Percy as much as they do will inspire some of them to chill.

Chapters 11-15

- The nightmares/visions during the encounter with Epiales were pretty well done. In fact, I wish some of Annabeth and Percy’s encounters in Tartarus had gone a little more like Will’s visions in this scene; having nightmares about their insecurities regarding each other and questioning their relationship.

- The troglodyte scene was really dragging. A lot of the dialogue at the beginning of Chapter 14 felt stale and unnecessary.

Chapters 16-20

- The Nyx encounter in the Chapter 17 flashback was really good, and is everything Nyx should have been in HoH.

- Nico’s Tartarus recall was a little…underwhelming. Like the Nyx encounter was great, I just expected for more things to happen to him, like more monster encounters and stuff.

Chapters 21-25

- The ‘story time’ about Nico asking Will out on a date irks me for multiple reasons. 1) So ever since Rick decided to be more upfront about tackling social justice/deeper relationship topics in his books, his writing has developed this preachy quality to it where it feels like he’s just lecturing his readers through the voice of the characters and hand-holds them through his exploration of relationship/queer topics. I hate when Rick does this because the writing is way too on-the-nose and the characters sound awkward and not really like themselves; they sound like someone outside of the story is talking to you. This first date story time reeks of that on-the-nose quality and I don’t like it. 2) I have doubts about whether asking Will out in front of the entire camp (or being the one to ask for a first date in general) is actually in character for Nico. I think Nico could have opened up more as the relationship progressed, but making the first move in the beginning seems more like it should be a Will thing. 3) I am so sorry, but I do not buy for a second that no demigod at CHB felt comfortable in their queerness before Nico came along. It’s a Greek myth camp, for crying out loud. Not only are a lot of the Greek myths and mythological figures hella queer (including some of the Olympians!!!) but some of these kids are also products of queer relationships (ie. Kayla Knowles). Not to mention, one of the biggest narrative themes of CHB is that it’s a place where demigods who have never felt quite at home in the mortal world can establish a sense of belonging and not feel like they’re weird or unusual. Now, I understand that CHB has shown judgment towards certain things (like children of Hades), but that’s mostly because of Hades’ reputation and misunderstanding from myths. And like I said earlier, those same myths also include some queer relationships amongst some of its more beloved figures, so I don’t know that being non-cishet would have been viewed as weird or unusual at a place like CHB if they’re following the myths so closely. Sorry, this argument is kind of disorganized, but overall, CHB is a camp where kids have all kinds of experiences, powers, interests, family backgrounds, monster encounters and more. A girl who likes girls or a boy who likes boys is probably one of the least notable things that they’ve ever encountered, and I just have a hard time believing that the entire camp would be homophobic to the point where no one was comfortable with being out.

- So I actually really like the idea of Persephone and Will interacting and talking about how to manage being in the Underworld. However, something about the dialogue in this scene felt…stale. I understood the message that was being sent, but the actual conversation itself felt a little bland. I’m also disappointed to see that Rick/Mark fell into that same pattern that anyone who writes about Persephone does where they try to romanticize things between Persephone and Hades, and make Demeter seem like a bad figure. Like gee, your mother was protective of you and got mad when you were kidnapped and raped against your will; what a terrible mother, huh? And just once, I would like to read a story where Persephone rightfully bears a little resentment towards Hades for dragging her into a marriage that she didn’t actually want afaik.

Chapters 26-30

- Shout out to the narrative for gleefully reminding us that we are not yet in Tartarus as of Chapter 26, which is more than halfway through the book. Goodness gracious!

- Will & Nico’s “argument” is…okay. I was hoping that it would be moreso about Will’s comments seeing as that’s been the biggest issue so far.

- The infamous Lil’ Nas X reference…not only is it kind of random, but I’m surprised that it’s even in this book. Is the ‘Montero’ video actually appropriate for this book’s target audience? (And when I say ‘appropriate’, I’m not referring to the queer themes, I’m referring to the sexual stuff, like the lapdancing on Satan and whatnot.)

Chapters 31-35

- We are on Chapter 32 of a 51-chapter book with about 160 pages left, and the characters are just now arriving to their main destination. I’m so sorry, but that is such a silly writing decision that I can NOT take seriously.

- I enjoyed the Solangelo argument in chapter 34. Wish it had been a little longer.

Chapters 36-40

- Ah, the infamous aeternae. When I went to Rick/Mark’s TSATS tour, Mark revealed that their first draft of this scene had initially been super serious and scary, but they eventually felt like they had written something too scary. Mark revealed that Rick’s “strategy” for handling a super scary scene was to “cut the tension” with a joke. And so, Mark took the scary aeternae scene and turned it into a joke by making the aeternae a pair of himbos. Words cannot describe how much I hate this. Why can’t scary things be allowed to stay scary? It’s Tartarus, my guy. It’s supposed to be the most frightening place a demigod can be. Why should any aspect of it be turned into a joke? The unnecessary humor messes with the tone of the story and ruins all the suspense and tension that’s been built up. It also makes Tartarus seem less intimidating than it should be.

Chapters 41-45

- Words cannot describe how much I hate the implication that Nyx and Nico produced “children” together. Yes, I know they’re not real children, but I still hate the implication. It’s creepy.

- Now going into this book, I knew damn well that Will wasn’t going to get left behind. I also knew Bob wasn’t likely to get left behind because having them go on this rescue quest only for him to not make it out would be a little pointless. But the cocoa puff thing felt like such a cop-out. Like how convenient is it that Nyx brought these demons to life at the right time so that they were just oh-so conveniently available for Nico to sacrifice in the most in-your-face symbolism for letting go of his demons?

Chapters 46-51

- Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Nico tell us in Heroes of Olympus (HoO) that Bianca tried for rebirth? What is she doing in Elysium?

- The dream scene with Nico, Hades, Bianca, and Maria was very sweet. Probably my favourite scene in the entire book.

- “What an ingenious way of fulfilling the prophecy” Chiron says. Good job, Rick/Mark. Way to not-so-subtly pat yourselves on the back there!

- Shout out to Shel from finally graduating from being a plot device/narrative tool to being something of an actual character (this is moreso shade at Rick). The fact that she’s Native like Piper is really nice.

- Nico’s conversation with Piper is fine, but I don’t like the way it’s written. It’s another heaping pile of that on-the-nose, hand-holding, social-justice-lecture, talking-through-the-character style of writing that I don’t really like. Again, I have no issue with the topic at hand. But the characters do not sound like themselves. They sound like Rick talking to the audience. It’s weird, and I can almost guarantee that there was a better way to write this dialogue.

- Kind of sad that Bob isn’t sticking around, but it’s cool that he’s heading west. Potential reunion with Percy? Hope so. Maybe he and Percy can talk and Percy can apologize/smooth out their relationship.

Characters

So in this section, I’m going to discuss the characters individually, and also Solaneglo’s relationship. I will obviously have the most to say about Nico/Will/Solangelo. In addition, I will only point out the things that stood out to me, and I will try not to repeat myself. So if this character section seems kind of short, it’s probably because my thoughts have been spread out in other sections of this review.

Nico

Overall, I think I liked Nico’s character in this book. I liked that we got to learn a little more about his family relationships, his dreams, his solo time in Tartarus, and his perspective on certain characters and past events. However, his characterization did feel…off…from time to time. I think the reason why has less to do with TSATS in particular and more to do with how Rick has been handling Nico’s character ever since the end of BoO. I think Rick was so insistent on giving Nico a healing/happy-ending romance as quickly as possible that he not only rushed through Solangelo’s introduction and glossed over their initial development, but he also rushed through Nico’s healing process. I feel like there are large chunks of Nico’s emotional healing that was skipped during all the time jumps between BoO/ToA and within ToA itself, and anything that’s told to us in TSATS can only be told in retrospect. As a result, Nico’s joking/ flirting/ wisecrack nature in TSATS feels really sudden and maybe even OOC, because Rick never really showed us when and how Nico developed into this version of himself. To summarize, I believe this version of Nico could exist someday, but the transition needed to be longer, and more importantly, more of it needed to be shown to the reader.

In addition, while we did learn a lot more about Nico, I feel like there were still major things that were missing. His relationship with Hazel was surprisingly absent from his thoughts, and Reyna was barely mentioned, if at all. This represents a larger issue I have with Rick Riordan where, as soon as a character becomes a couple with someone, he tends to shaft their non-romantic relationships in favour of the romance. Like how Grover and Sally lost a lot of narrative importance in Percy’s life in favour of Annabeth during HoO; I really hated that.

Will

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this review, I came into TSATS not really liking Will and not really thinking that he’s the godsend boyfriend for Nico that the fandom likes to paint him as. I was hoping that TSATS would change my mind about Will, and while his character was improved for me in some ways, I think I walked away from this book still not really liking him that much.

So Will’s arc was mostly about accepting the darkness within Nico, the world, and within himself instead of viewing it as something inherently bad/evil or something he has to fix. As a part of this arc, he spends a lot of time complaining about the Underworld/Tartarus and associated concepts (ie. death, darkness, misery, ghosts, etc.) during the quest. Look. I understand the whole thing about Will being a child of Apollo and therefore not really vibing with the Underworld/Tartarus well. I understood and actually enjoyed his fear to some extent. However, I have some thoughts about the nature of these complaints. First of all, Will is not a newbie demigod. According to him and some of his background that’s established in this same book, Will has been at CHB for a while now, and he has endured 3 major conflicts in which numerous friends and siblings died. Will has had more than a lifetime of exposure to death and misery, so I don’t understand why this quest is being treated like his first rodeo with death and misery. I can’t really say it’s OOC for him given how limited his characterization has been before this, but still, it doesn’t really align with the established facts we know about Will. The themes of death and sadness should not be new concepts to him, yet this book is acting like he has never been exposed to this stuff before, despite the fact that the narrative literally acknowledges that he’s been through this stuff before. Again, I’m totally fine with him fearing monsters and total darkness and stuff, but loss and grief are things he should be more than familiar with. In addition, the narrative goes so far to even throw in that Will likes true crime podcasts. Now, listening to podcasts and being in the Underworld/Tartarus are two very different experiences, yes. But I just find it odd that Will can tolerate media about murder/kidnappings/etc. But the death and misery associated with the Underworld has him shaking for some reason.

I also find it odd that Will’s regard to Nico’s struggles with darkness, death, and misery is not always consistent. He can demonstrate the kind, empathetic, snd understanding nature of a healer when he needs to (ie. page 144 when Nico is about to start his Tartarus recall) but somehow he can’t see the insensitivity in the comments he keeps making about the Underworld? Again, it’s okay that Will doesn’t personally like the Underworld, but how is he not realizing how uncomfortable it must be for Nico to keep hearing all these complaints about concepts that he, as a son of Hades, is strongly associated with? On page 185, Will asks Nico yet another question about how he doesn’t find the ghosts disturbing. Nico explains that the Underworld is his second home and Will’s immediate response? “I could never live here.” Like look, this is a totally valid and understandable opinion for Will to have, but it’s also a dickish thing to respond to what Nico said, and the context in which it’s being said makes it frustrating. How and why is Will still acting surprised about what Nico is comfortable with? Nico is a son of Hades, for crying out loud! Him being comfortable with darkness, death, ghosts, and other associated things should NOT be a shock to anyone, let alone his own boyfriend of 6+ months. During the entire book, I couldn’t help but wonder why Will was even dating Nico in the first place if Nico’s domain made him this uncomfortable.

I’m glad Will and Nico were able to talk about this and smooth things over at the end, but by the time this arc was resolved, my annoyance with Will had already been solidified.

Another component of WIll’s arc is that he felt like he was a burden to Nico on the quest because of how much he was struggling with the lack of light and the fact that he kept getting injured/tired. This is fine and I actually like this. What I thought was a little silly was Will forgetting to bring a weapon or something to fight with. Yes, I understand that Will’s unpreparedness was a part of his arc, but while I fully understand his unpreparedness for the darkness/lack of light, him not bringing a weapon is very stupid, and the narrative acknowledging it doesn’t make it any less stupid. Again, Will is practically a veteran as far as demigod things go. How he could make such a silly mistake is beyond me. You’re going into the most dangerous territory in the Greek myth world for demigods, and you didn’t think you should have something to protect yourself with? Seriously? And the worst part is that Nico/the narrative literally mentions that Will has been in three major conflicts so far, but from the way Rick and Mark wrote him at certain points in this book, you’d never be able to tell.

Solangelo (as a pair)

I mentioned at the beginning that I am not a Solangelo shipper, so all the romance in this book didn’t have me leaping for joy as it may have for others. Overall, I still like the concept of their relationship and the themes associated with it, but I’m still not a fan of the way they're being executed. Will’s character arc made things a little harder for me, and the fanfiction vibes of the book were not my cup of tea. I have a smattering of different thoughts about Solangelo in this book, so I’m going to jump from idea to idea.

First, some of the romance/flirting/bantering did come off quite cheesy in a way that’s unusual in Rick’s better books (part of what gives TSATS fanfiction vibes).. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that the two boys like each other and have fun together, but it started to feel excessive at some point. Like Will recalling how Percabeth said being cheesy helps, and then Nico responding “Lay it on me, Will. I’m your grilled cheese” (page 373) made me put the book down so I could take a break. And before anyone come for my neck saying “They’re teenagers, it’s supposed to be cringey”...I have read PLENTY of books involving teenagers in which the romance/humor managed to accommodate the age of the characters AND still be mature enough so that it didn’t feel corny. There are fun yet tasteful ways to handle teenage romance/teenage humor in books and it’s up to the authors to find a good balance, so please miss me with this argument.

Lastly, this is going to sound rather bitchy, but I don’t want to hear the term “grumpy little ball of darkness” ever again. I know it was mostly a joke, but it was super corny the first time it was said, and it was corny every time after.

Next up, the circumstances surrounding their first kiss…I don’t like it. I’m obviously not mad at the idea of Will trying to be a supportive companion to Nico in that moment. I’m more so annoyed at what this kiss represents in the larger context of the Riordanverse. To some extent in PJO and to full extent since HoO, Rick Riordan has developed a deeply irritating habit of using romance as the solution to the characters’ emotional conflicts, grief, and traumas. There are too many characters in this franchise whose running emotional issues are magically solved by romance and I hate it. I think it’s harmful messaging to be sending to Rick’s young and impressionable audience that romance is the healing antidote to all of life’s problems. Feeling unwanted and like you’re not sure where you belong because everyone and everything keeps changing on you? Get a boyfriend! Feeling guilty about your past and like a 7th wheel amongst your friends? Get a girlfriend! Struggling with loss and grief and feeling like you’re always going to be alone? Get a boyfriend! Your ex just died in the midst of you trying to figure out your identity and you’re still in the grieving process? Get a girlfriend! It’s gotten sooo annoying at this point! Like no kids, getting into a romantic elationship will not solve all your problems. And viewing your significant other as the fixer-upper for your trauma is NOT actually a good thing, contrary to popular belief. Treating your romantic other as your only source of joy, hope, and happiness is a terrible approach to healing. Just once, I would like the kids in this franchise to work through their emotions in a way that doesn’t default to romance. Because should Will and Nico ever break up (not that they ever will, because according to Rick Riordan, most people find their soulmate as a teen), or something happens to Will, what will Nico do? Crumble? Fall apart? Waste away?

This is part of why I felt like it was really important for Nico to heal PRIOR to engaging in a romance because things like the circumstances of their first kiss suggest a sort of dependence that he’s developing on Will for dealing with his grief and inner demons, and I just don’t agree that this is a healthy coping mechanism. Nico doesn’t deserve to be alone or feel alone, but he does need to learn how to heal and cope through his traumas on his own because using Will as his source of healing is not a good thing. It’s okay for Will to support him or give him advice, but Will should NOT be Nico’s primary source of hope and happiness; Nico should be Nico’s primary source of hope and happiness so that if anything ever happens to Will, Nico doesn’t break into pieces because he’s developed the necessary strength to move on and find happiness within his own self, independent of a romantic other. Romance should complement the happiness you’ve grown from and for yourself, not be the source of it.

Next, Nico telling Will he loves him during the fall to Tartarus as a parallel to Annabeth whispering “I love you” to Percy is…not really something I like. I truly hate to compare a gay ship to a straight one, but let it be known that the critique that I’m about to give has nothing to do with Nico/Will being queer specifically, and more to do with the way they’ve been written. Anywho, with Percabeth, something about that “I love you” on their fall into Tartaurs felt more special given the long history of friendship that they had prior to their romantic one in the PJO series, and the fact that they had been separated so long just prior to the fall. The “I love you” between Nico and Will is sweet on a surface level, but the fact that it’s an obvious copy of Annabeth’s “I love you”, and the fact that we don’t have as much history with Solangelo as we did with Percabeth really takes away from the impact. I think this “I love you” would have held more power at the end of the book. For example, Will and Nico could finally have a discussion about all of Will’s struggles with darkness, and when Will finally accepts the darkness as a part of who Nico is (hopefully) and states that he loves Nico as he is, darkness included, we as readers can feel happy that Nico has found someone who accepts every part of him, even the parts that aren’t so pretty. Will then tells Nico that he loves him, a love that encompasses all of who Nico is, and Nico can say it back, accepting Will for all of who he is. All in all, I think the “i Love you” should have waited, and I don’t think it should have been a rehash of Percabeth’s moment; Solangelo should have gotten their own unique moment.

Next, Will’s guilt over Octavian’s death and him calling Nico a murderer made me go back and reread the scene in BoO. I can understand and appreciate his guilt from a healer’s perspective, but him thinking Nico was a murderer as a deep hidden grievance is kind of funky. Yes, Nico saying that they couldn’t stop Octavian probably came off really poorly in that moment. But also…Nico wasn’t saying that because he was bent on seeing the guy die. Octavian chose suicide and no matter what Will/Nico did, Octavian would have fought to get on that onager. Viewing Nico as a murderer for this, even by mistake, feels a little…extreme.

Lastly for this section, when Nico and Will finally had the talk about Will’s complaining, I liked the gist of the conversation, but I didn’t really like the conclusion that Will came to (or maybe it was the way it was written). Nico’s point was that death is amoral. Yes, it’s hard for the people who are still alive and left behind, but it isn’t an inherently evil process, and the place where the dead go isn’t inherently evil either. However, when Will reflects on this, he focuses on the entities that are alive/from the surface and are somehow thriving in the Underworld, which kind of misses the point. The takeaway shouldn’t be that there’s hope in the Underworld because of the living things that are present there. The takeaway should be that death, darkness, grief, all have their importance and place in our world, and that things that are associated with them aren’t inherently bad or evil. The Underworld doesn’t need to have life in it for it to be valuable.

Miscellaneous

Here, I will talk about a bunch of characters who made important cameos, but weren’t present enough to have their own section. If there’s a character missing here, it’s because I had no significant thoughts on them.

Percy:

- I’m glad to see multiple characters acknowledge that Percy needs time off.

- As sadistic as this might sound, I’m glad to hear that Percy is still having nightmares about Tartarus. I’ve always felt like Rick did a shoddy job of exploring the impact of Tartarus on Percy and Annabeth. This update on Percy doesn’t really make up for what could have been, but I’m glad to see the trauma being taken a little more seriously.

Annabeth:

- I already shared my grievances about Annabeth in the plot section.

The Troglodytes:

- I kind of like the Troglodytes, but their presence in this story felt a little…long, almost like they overstayed their welcome.

Dionysus:

- Mr. D feels off in this book, both at the beginning at the end. At first, I couldn’t really tell what it was, but by the end, I think I got it. So we all know that under Mr. D’s “I don’t give a shit about y’all” exterior, he actually kind of cares about the demigods. However, he’s always been subtle with it so that he never looks like he cares too much, and I don’t think this is something that he would suddenly change just for Nico, even as his pseudo-therapist. Unfortunately, the way he’s written in the book and his dialogue is a little over the top. His excitement towards Nico at the end especially feels OOC.

Nyx:

- I like Nyx a lot better in this book than in HoH. She feels less like a bumbling idiot, and more like a truly scary entity, although I was not glad to see that little tourist skit return. I wish we had spent more time with her.

Writing Style/Quality

So for the last section for this review, I’m going to speak specifically on the writing quality of this book; I’ll be critiquing certain writing decisions made by both Mark and Rick.This section is also a smattering of thoughts, so I’ll be jumping again. Here we go!

First off, the overall formatting of the story was kind of weird and disjointed. For example, choosing to stick with Nico’s POV for the entire beginning, but then suddenly jumping between Will and Nico’s POV after the encounter with Epiales was giving me a little bit of a mental whiplash. I wish they would have stuck to one POV per chapter just to keep things more organized. The interspersing of the story time with Gorgyra was kind of weird too, especially after I learned that it was taking place at a point midway through the overall story. It’s clear that this part of the story mostly exists to establish the canon version of how Will and Nico developed feelings for each other and hooked up, but I think there were better ways of just weaving this into the main story rather than constantly pausing the main story to do this weird kindergarten story time thing. I mean, the main plot was already taking its sweet ass time, and the Gorgyra scenes made it feel worse. I think the Gorgyra thing should have just taken place at its chronological spot. Lastly, I think Nico’s solo Tartarus flashback would have worked better as an epilogue, like ´oh, this is how Nico’s last trip to Tartarus went and now this book is about how different his 2nd trip will now that he’s not alone and Will here’ or something like that.

Next, for the writing specifically, I have mixed feelings about Mark’s contributions to the book. One thing I appreciate about Mark’s writing is the heavier emotional weight of things. I’ve always felt like Rick’s writing was too “Go! Go! Go!” all the time and that he never let the emotions of the plot he was writing sit and simmer within the characters, making the characters feel a little hollow at times. I like that Mark is dwelling a little longer on the emotional aspect of the story and isn’t rushing right through them. However, there are certain portions of the book where the language is just a little too flowery and philosophical rather than just like…getting to the main point. This probably contributed to how long it took for the characters to move on from certain scenes. Also, there were portions of the book where the sentences just felt kind of clumsy and awkward, like Mark knew that they needed to write something but wasn’t quite sure what to write.

Moving on, the pop culture references are definitely a little much. Now, to be fair, pop cultural references are not new to the Riordanverse, but I reread the PJO/HoO/ToA series a little while ago, and I recently read the Kane Chronicles for the first time, and I don’t think the pop culture references in those series occur nearly as frequently as they do in certain portions of this book (ToA might be an exception, but I feel like Apollo’s/Lester’s close relationship with the performing arts makes it more acceptable). In addition, pop culture jokes are not the only way to make good jokes. One thing I really liked about the Kane Chronicles is how Rick often used the mythology/local culture/circumstances of the specific scene as the foundation for jokes, because these feel a lot more organic and natural to the story, and are actually funny, and I wish TSATS had leaned into this more. It also didn’t help TSATS that some of the references felt forced amidst the conversation being had (eg. Nico’s ‘Single Ladies’ joke on page 12. Will makes a comment about not having any monsters to slay, and Nico responds with a joke about making skeletons do a choreographed dance to ‘Single Ladies’. A joke about making skeletons dance felt like a weird response to a comment specifically about slaying monsters, and it didn’t really fit in with the conversation). In general, randomly mentioning things that your audience might be familiar with isn't really humor; the references have to make sense within the context of what’s happening. Puns, play-on-words, sarcastic/smartass comments have been used before in the Riordanverse and worked fine when they were written properly. For example, Will’s “Noble McSacrifice”comment on page 45 actually made me chuckle, as grown as I am. So yeah, Rick has done better jokes in past books, and the try-hard pop references in this book is another thing that made it feel like fanfiction. I cringed very very deeply when I read the “#OnBrand” joke.

Lastly, I’ve already mentioned my thoughts on Rick’s on-the-nose writing. It’s like he doesn’t trust the audience to connect the dots anymore on certain themes and social justice issues, and that they need it spelled out for them in the most blatant and obvious way possible. Like yay for Rick for wanting to touch on important topics, but there’s a way to do this without sounding like you’re making a social justice lecture post on 2014 Tumblr. Find a way to weave these topics and lessons into the narrative so that you’re showing your readers the lesson rather than just telling them the lesson.

Also, if you’re going to use the characters as mouth pieces for these things, it would be nice if the characters could actually sound like themselves rather than just a vehicle for what Rick wants to tell the audience. Like, I really hate how the characters are literally just stating and explaining their character arcs to us, as if we didn’t just literally read the book and can see the arc for ourselves.

Overall Impression

I think this book is pretty mid. It’s not the awful trash that some people think it is, but it didn’t really meet the hype for me either, especially as a non-Solangelo shipper. Certain aspects of it were nice, but many aspects of it annoyed me, and my opinions on Will/Solangelo haven’t really changed. I give it 3 out 5 stars.

#tsats spoilers #tsats crit #the sun and the star #Nico di Angelo #Will solace #solangelo #anti solangelo #rick riordan #mark oshiro #tsats #tsats review

66 notes · View notes