#anger issues cw

[gnzma]

Why are you angry, Guzma?

I just am, he says to himself-- to the reflection in front of him, that broken copy of himself in the dusty glass of the abandoned minimart -- knowing well that wasn't going to be an acceptable answer.

It wasn't when he said that to others who would believe his lie, it's not going to be when he lies to himself. It's an easier line to repeat, one others can understand, one that doesn't force him to focus on the details, the stupid reasons behind his frustrations, the whys and why nots.

I'm just angry is the easy way out. It's the one that doesn't hurt. The one that makes him look at his reflection - the bags under his eyes, the baseball bat held a little too tight, the fact that he lost weight despite all the shit he ate; his hair are a mess, his clothes are a mess, he's a mess - and makes him say, you're the problem, you're the reason I'm angry, all of you.

I mean, you're at least half right.

His copy almost sounds smug, and that's ridiculous. You're me, you can't sass me. Guzma frowns, the baseball bat moved ever so slightly to take the measures for the incoming swing.

Hating himself is easier to admit that he feels stuck. He feels stuck doing nothing, he feels stuck because he can't do nothing, nothing but making things worse. And nobody fucking listens to him, or respects him, or is intimidated by him. He's the fun guy, the jokester, the Boss who can't protect his Team, that makes things worse, that listens to her, a goddamn Mareep in Lyranroc's clothing nobody gives half a shit about.

A side character in his own pathetic life.

You're angry because you're back to the start, don't you? Because your anger is the norm. It isn't something people are worried about. It's something people pity or ignore.

You miss the worst side of you, don't you? When you were more than a JOKE.

-the bat hits his reflection, shattering it in pieces.

He's just angry. He's just angry.

#hi #❌|| ᴏʜᴋᴏ 💀 drabble ||❌ #anger issues cw #ask to tag #dont rb

[andillbeancuteboyifiwantto]

My rage is stored in glass bottles Anger can be an tool But I’ve only seen it weaponized Reject it because I don’t want to be like that The fucked up genetics and environmental circumstances Both my grandfathers, How their anger issues trickle venom into my dna I didn’t really know the one but I knew my father With his temper that robbed us of connection Crying till I couldn’t as I don’t want to be like that The other one- An young child braced to protect my kid sibling If that fist dared raise, I’d have taken the hit Who rants, raves at kids and snaps Enables his wife’s shitty behavior too Drinking doesn’t run in the family It’s all sober nastiness Nausea hits whenever I feel even understandable anger For more than just not wanting to be like That And I recall all the times I’ve cried thinking I was doomed to it My older brother’s anger Nearly killed me His vendetta makes my stomach whirl With scaring our siblings, with the wrong of it all I’m allowed to be angry over it but I shake when I want to express it I have every right to be mad about traumatizing shit For the vendetta that interlocked with abusive, trauma givers Affecting my siblings who deserved better Yet I feel cruel for how angry I rightfully am Like some monster for wanting to raise hell that’s justified Anger is an strange emotion Repressing it wasn’t, isn’t healthy But it scares me because nobody else around me seemed to try Try to learn how to properly handle their rage, or upset I’m supposed to break years worth of damage in my genetics Yet I just get ill every damn time I feel it

#spilled ink #death cw #anger issues cw #my poetry

[stil-lindigo]

seeing clearer

(sequel to another comic of mine, the calamity.)

--

all my other comics

store

#cw: eye scarring #cw: christianity #as a theme. and not a particularly positive depiction either. #the calamity has anger issues but is earnestly trying her best #the survivor is patient #and also not scared of her at all #the calamity is talking about the story of samson and delilah in pg 2 btw #i tend to only make oneshot short story these days but im fond of this pair #had the urge to draw something a little mundane with these two and the slowest slow burn of a relationship you could ever imagine #also usually a broken mirror would equal 7 years of bad luck but the calamity so outclasses it as far as bad omens go #im pretty sure the effects are just cancelled out #anyway #next comic will be a different story entirely i promise #thank you for your patience #and as always #thank you for reading #comic art #sapphic art #stillindigo art #hearteaters #stillindigo comics

[its-simply-just-krys]

#not mine #not really daughter but child ig bcuz im non-binary lol but u get the point #childhood trauma #anger issues #quiet bpd #bpd meme #bpd thoughts #daddy issues #borderline personality disorder #i hate my dad #relatable memes #dark humor #psychosis #derealization #tw animated gore #cw: gore #badly edited memes #i don’t want to be like him #I’m scared #mentally unstable #attachment issues #trust issues

[hajihiko]

Violent Impulses

#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Hajime hinata #Sdr2 #Super danganronpa 2 #Danganronpa 2 #Kuzuhina #CW self harm #Self harm cw #Self harm #Its vaguely implied so I gotta ake sure #Blow cw #CW blood #Lmk if theres other tags I need to use #Sometimes your life of anger issues and exposure to severe violence manifests in unhealthy ways who knew #(Reflexive scratching and biting can be a thing it's not hurting (others or not) on purpose. Totes unrelated but I need a pack of bandaids) #An art #K bye

[prince-liest]

oh my god. your wording in one of ur latest anon answers. does…. is val the only one who does the dumping? does vox never dump val??? i always like… idk i assumed that they both broke it off in a never ending downward spiral, mutually. but oh my GOD? you’re saying val is the only one doing the breaking up? i….. this is shifting my entire perspective on vox. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. not to beat a dead dove here (that was a brilliant pun yes i’m stealing it), but……… this is sliding right into my vault where i keep my Vox and Domestic Violence Thoughts. he just seems so…. helpless. he’s helpless all the time and in complete denial about it. at first it was clear he’s pretty helpless around alastor -in both canon and your fic. alastor is stronger, and also, in the beginning had the Extreme emotional upper hand. i knew this, yet, like in canon, i assumed more or less alastor was the chink in his armor. vox DOES run the vee’s competently, he handles val, and he’s arguably the fourth most powerful sinner in hell (behind zestial, carmilla, and alastor). those 3 things are true, AND YET. let’s look behind the wizards curtain. how does vox live his Personal life. not his job or position of power. how does his close relationships define him. let’s see now. the initial intense obsession with alastor, which had ONLY left him rejected and humiliated. helpless. and now val. i Assume vox enacts some physical violence on val, too, but something in his wording in the last installment. vox made the point to compare alastors straight up murder attempts to how val acts. i do not think vox does that with val, at least not in a trivial and common manner (he has said the vee’s have all killed e/o before). and when i said “sure he can act disgruntled and upset in the moment” in another ask, i MEANT that vox could break up with val for a couple days before crawling right back like nothing happened. but NO. NOT EVEN THAT. vox endures, and he ultimately does Nothing. NOTHING. and not even that, he is subjected to val breaking it off in a cyclic manner, for superficial or nonexistent issues. and then after a week val will call and vox will come crawling back like nothing happened, and the timer for 4 months begins again. through everything, EVERYTHING, vox really just seems… passive in the grand scheme of things. it’s paradoxical, because he’s also outrageously ambitious. i think that’s one of his core character traits, a constant greed and pursuit of it. that’s unequivocally true about him. but then we look at his love life, and what do we see? he lets the two men he loves basically do whatever they want with him. and he does it because he loves them, as well as being unable to admit he’s suffering. i will say, from now on it’s clear that his relationship with alastor is veering off this direction, but i want to STRESS that it was actually ALASTOR that cemented that. vox, in a spurt of emotion, let it slip out his history of domestic violence. then, promptly brushed it off to appease alastor. he set the terms of the deal, but he did it as a silly pinky promise. he, again, never allows himself to take it SERIOUSLY. because IF HE DOES!!!! then he needs to set boundaries AND ABIDE BY THEM!!!!!!!! AND WHAT THEN. WHAT THEN. THEN THE NEXT TIME VAL OR ALASTOR CROSS A LINE, HE NEEDS TO END IT. LEAVE. DO ANYTHING. AND HE IS NEVER GONNA DO THAT!!!!!!!! and here’s the real fucking kicker…… he expects them to. to keep hurting him. that’s the root of it. it’s not a real boundary, because it’s an inevitability. valentino and alastor will always want to hurt him, so a relationship without that violence is nonexistent. (that’s what he believes btw. hopefully not the truth). and so, vox has made his choice. he’s a businessman, and he has weighed the pros and cons. the violence and crossed boundaries he faces is outweighed by his love for them, and ultimately, that means they can do whatever they want to him. he is helpless.

(this was an entire rant, dear god. and of course the disclaimer that this is all my personal delusions, and not necessarily your take on vox in your series. i swear, i never know how these asks get so long. i promise i start of with a simple idea, then it all implodes into an essay. so sorry. love you.) -🌓

I have good news and bad news for you, anon!

The bad news is that I have misled you slightly: My actual full perspective of the Valentino and Vox on-and-off dating situation is that Vox dumps Valentino when he feels a sufficiently angry flavor of upset that Valentino refuses to listen to him on some things (usually not, actually, the violence, unless Val breaks something for Vox to be angry about); and Valentino dumps Vox when he wants Vox to annoyedly pretend not to moon after him for a week. In both situations, sometimes Vox ends up giving up the ghost and functionally crawling his way back to Val, but more commonly Valentino decides that he's had enough and rather handily seduces Vox into a round of what Vox promises himself is hate sex and not makeup sex but is inevitably always very sappy makeup sex with a side of lovebombing.

This is. Arguably not that different of a flavor from what you're describing, haha, especially since a lot of Vox managing to be the one to break things off at any given point in time hinges on him being able to frame his rationale as "anger" rather than "upset," the latter of which just gets brushed under the carpet of Emotions That Are Not Taken Seriously. He can act on a great many things if he justifies them as something he is right to be objective and angry over, including outright killing Valentino at least once at some point in the past, but anything that makes him feel vulnerable or, ah, let's deliberately and pointedly use the word hysterical, is a pre-existing internal struggle that Valentino knows how to manipulate to his advantage.

The good news is that this lovely analysis inspired me to almost completely rewrite a section of the next 666 fic that I'd been dissatisfied with. I initially wrote Vox as annoyed; what he needed to be was Very Stressed And Upset in a way that distinctly refused to dare stray into anger because the fundamental concern was about what Alastor wanted - just as you described, Vox fumbling his own distress with his learned helplessness when it comes to intimate relationships. Anyway, now I'm WAY happier with it! So thank you very much for that!

#ask #personal #half moon anon #666 live on air #my writing #long post #posting a snippet in a sec before I head to bed as a thank u <3 #god I do love staticmoth tho #they're All That Horrible Mess and they're fucking adorable and in very fucky love on top of it #val has supported vox in ways nobody else ever has and is in fact genuinely very very fond of vox #he's just also a manipulative narcissist with severe anger issues! oops! #get you a man that can do both! #(don't. please for the love of god don't.) #cw abuse #cw domestic violence #staticmoth

[traumatizedjaguar]

#traumacore #ragecore #ventcore #my trauma edits #traumatizedjaguar #rage #anger issues #trauma dog #tw mature #cw mature #tw bullying #parental abuse #familial abuse

[whump-card]

Forged Divinity Unnamed Sequel: Chapter 2

1446 words

CW: dead body, like a real nasty dead body, dissociation, memory loss, amnesia, anger issues, past TBI

Previous, Masterlist, Next

~~~

Enjolras decided, since Leannan was catatonic, that she need to investigate the body. Some sick, sorrowful part of her needed to know how Phineas had died, and Leannan wasn’t about to tell her. She took one last breath of fresh air before ducking back into the shack.

She avoided the body at first, opening a cabinet on the far wall. There were a couple small sacks of oats, but little else. She grabbed a handful out of one sack, letting it run through her fingers. It didn’t look contaminated, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t – Leannan’s Iowan immune system could handle a lot more than Phineas’ could have.

She cupped a hand under the tap of their water barrel, and dribbled some out into her palm. It looked clear. She couldn’t smell it, though, not with the overpowering stench of the corpse filling the room.

She tipped out the water and wiped her hand dry on her pant leg. Finally, reluctantly, she approached the corpse.

The bloat and maggots told her it had been around a week since Phineas had died. She couldn’t imagine what Leannan had gone through, how thoroughly he must have been in denial, to live next to a corpse that whole time.

She carefully pinched the blanket covering the majority of Phineas’ body and pulled it back. She immediately spotted what she was looking for.

Cloth bound their chest flat, as usual, but more strips were wrapped around their waist, strained dark with old, dried blood. Phineas had died of an injury – a slash or stab to the gut.

Enjolras threw the blanket beck over the body before she could digest any more details – the flies, the maggots, the no, don’t look – and covered Phineas’ mutilated face with it as well. Then she turned, and fled, stumbling out the door and gulping down fresh air, tears stinging her eyes.

If Leannan had been able to bandage up the injury while Phineas was still bleeding, still alive, that meant Phineas hadn’t died immediately. They had died slowly. The thought, the sight, the smell, it all made her nauseous.

Phineas was still a part of her, as horrible as they were. Rapist, arsonist, murderer, yes. Her little sibling? Also yes.

Her eyes settled on Leannan where he sat on the ground, and she quickly brushed away her tears. She couldn’t spare the time to mourn right now. She needed to get Leannan home, before anything else went wrong.

“Leannan?” She touched his shoulder. He was still… gone, his empty gaze resting on the ground. She scooped her hands under his arms and lifted him to his feet, then led him by the arm over to the pickup truck. This, finally, seemed to rouse him.

“Are we leaving?” he asked.

“Yes,” Enjolras said.

“Is Phineas coming with us?”

Enjolras’ heart sank. Something was really, really wrong with Leannan.

“Uh… Yeah. They’re riding in the back. Can you get in?” She opened the passenger door for him.

“Mhm.” He climbed into the cab, and Enjolras shut the door. Then she looked back at the shack.

A part of her wanted to do something – to bury Phineas, maybe. But the ground was dry and hard-packed, and full of rocks, and she didn’t have a shovel anyway. It didn’t feel right to just leave them there, to be scavenged by animals, but there was nothing she could do.

Then she remembered the gun.

She steeled herself, and went back into the shack and looked around. It wasn’t immediately visible, but there were only so many places it could hide. She found it soon enough, tucked behind the cabinet: the Barrett M95 sniper rifle. She slung it over her shoulder, not bothering to search for the ammo. She just wanted to have it, not to shoot it.

It was Mom’s. She couldn’t leave it there.

She stashed it in the bed of the pickup, and glanced back at the shack one last time.

She wished she could make it right. But things had gone wrong a long, long time ago.

~~~

Leannan slept as they drove, leaning his head against the window again. Enjolras couldn’t help but glance at him constantly, trying to take in every detail while still watching the road.

He still wore the clothes he had taken with him when he left Goat Island. They were weathered and dirty now, and too big on him. The scar on his left temple looked like a gnarled lightning strike or tree branch growing out of his hairline. The soles of his boots were peeling away from the uppers. He was tanned and freckled, and his hair was sun-bleached even paler than it had been when they first met. There was dirt under his fingernails, and crusted into the lines of his face.

They had been driving for about two hours when Leannan awake with a small yelp, and started looking around frantically.

“Hej, what…?” Enjolras started.

“Where’s Phineas?” Leannan demanded.

Enjolras couldn’t answer. She kept her eyes on the road, her jaw clenched.

“Where’s Phineas?!” shouted Leannan.

“They died, Leannan,” Enjolras said quietly.

“No! No, you left them behind! You left them behind on purpose!” Leannan was working himself up into a frenzy, “You promised! You promised they could come with us! You lied to me!”

“Phineas is dead.”

“Fuck you!” Leannan shrieked, with a level of vitriol Enjolras had never heard from him before, “Fuck you! I hate you!”

Without warning, Leannan grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it to the side. Enjolras slammed on the brakes to keep them from careening off the road. While she was occupied getting the car back under control, Leannan flung his door open and jumped out of the slow-moving vehicle.

“Leannan!” Enjolras shouted. She finally got the car to stop and threw it into park, then jumped out to follow him. He was running back down the road towards where they came.

“Leannan!” She caught up with him easily, between her taller height, better nutrition, and better shoes, and grabbed his arm. “Leannan, stop!”

He swung around and punched her in the face. It was a pretty weak punch, but it surprised her nonetheless.

“I hate you!” he screamed, twisting in her grip, “You always ruin everything!”

Those were Phineas’ words. Enjolras would recognize them anywhere. She pulled Leannan close and wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides, his back to her chest.

“I’m sorry, Leannan, but I need to take you home!” she said through gritted teeth.

Leannan screamed wordlessly in return, struggling like a wild animal.

“Don’t you want to see Shannon again?” Enjolras coaxed.

“Not… without… Phineas!” Leannan insisted in between attempts to twist himself free. Enjolras held him tighter.

“Leannan,” she felt a lump rise in her throat, “Phineas is dead!”

Leannan paused his fighting, panting hard. Enjolras could feel his thin body swell and deflate in her arms with each breath, rife with panic and anger. She felt the anger fade.

“I didn’t mean to,” Leannan whimpered.

Enjolras carefully loosened her grip.

“Didn’t mean to what?” she asked softly, already anticipating the answer.

“I just get really angry, sometimes, now, and I don’t know why, and Phineas was being a real jerk, and I just wanted them to stop…” Leannan’s words dissolved into soft, hiccuping cries.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is!” Leannan wailed, “It’s always my fault!”

Enjolras released him fully, turning him around to face her.

“When did you start getting angry?” she asked.

“When I got hit… in the head,” Leannan gulped, his hand going to the scar on his temple, “Phineas says it made me stupid and weird.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“No,” Leannan shook his head miserably, “Phineas says it was an accident.”

Enjolras tallied up the symptoms. Memory loss. Mood swings. Disorientation. A bad enough head injury, combined with some psychological trauma, would certainly explain everything.

“Leannan, I promise it’s not your fault.”

Leannan frowned up at her.

“You also promised you’d take Phineas with us!”

Enjolras sighed.

“I would have, I really would, if Phineas had been alive. But they’re not, they’re dead, they couldn’t come with.”

Leannan’s red-rimmed eyes drifted to stare past her. For a moment Enjolras was afraid that had dissociated again at the mention of Phineas’ death, but then he spoke.

“What am I supposed to do now?” he whispered.

“Come home with me,” Enjolras offered, “We’ll take care of you.”

He slowly shifted forward and, to her surprise, leaned against her, resting his forehead against her shoulder.

“You’ll take care of me?” he murmured, muffled by her shirt.

“Yeah,” she patted his back, “We will.”

~~~

Previous, Masterlist, Next

Taglist: @angst-after-dark, @sunshiline-writes, @flowersarefreetherapy, @thecyrulik

#whump #whump fic #whump writing #forged divinity #cw dead body #cw dissociation #cw memory loss #cw amnesia #cw anger issues #cw TBI

[nonuggetshere]

GOD I HAD AN IDEA AS I WAS FALLING ASLEEP TODAY

About FaaF naturally

A sad one, TW fir near child death and harm

Involves Xero's attempt at an assassination, or it could be literally just any guard controlled by the Radiance

PK and WL need to talk about something private, and WL looks at the tiny vessel tagging along by her wyrm's side

"Should it be here?"

"It wouldn't understand anything anyway."

"Still, it's...a little..."

He sighs lightly, "Yeah, I get where you're coming from... Vessel, come here."

He kneels down and orders them to sit by the door and wait for them while they talk, says he'll come pick them up once they're done and not to move, then the two go to talk on the balcony and close the door behind them

At some point, Xero/the guard bursts in and attacks PK in the middle of the conversation, managing to take them by surprise and so gets one good swing in before PK darts away and retaliates, pinning them down with soul blades, though he has to keep his wife from killing them on the spot - he doesn't want to be so hasty, knowing they're infected and not themself. He pulls out the sword from his chest and that's when they realise, it's covered in void...

Child harm/near death TW beyond this point

After a moment of shock White Lady, who's closest to the doors, runs out and all her husband can hear is a horrified, heartbroken scream. He feels nauseous, his stomach twisting into knots and feeling like his heart is in his throat as he runs out after her. He sees her in tears, cradling a tiny bundle soaked in void. There's- there's so much void. It covers the floor where he left their child vessel and soaks through his lady's shawl and clothes as she cradles them in her arms.

For a moment he's paralysed, before he just snaps. He flies back onto the balcony, screaming at the possessed guard that he'll kill her, he'll make her pay for this, and he slays them in his rage (something he'll regret and feel ashamed of later), still hitting and screaming at Her well after the possessed person is dead and she can't hear him anymore.

He collapses, panting, near tears, and just gets himself up and stumbles out the door and towards the two, he wants to see how bad it is for himself.

Flower survives, but just barely. They had multiple stab wounds and lost their left arm, if not for their parents immediately healing them they'd be dead. They're barely older than 5, still so very little and defenceless, PK is horrified at how could anyone hurt a baby this young and helpless (hypocrite), even if they're not alive.

They're still on bed rest because that was so much damage and their mother doesn't leave their side and their father only leaves when necessary. They still don't realise Flower's alive and they know they shouldn't be so attached but it still feels like their baby and they can't just leave them. WL spends the entire day by their side, gently stroking their hair and horns with her now permanently void stained hands and softly coos and sings to them

Of course, they quickly realise they ARE alive because no way in hell a toddler is getting this hurt and NOT crying and screaming the second they wake up <3

Which just makes this situation so much worse

#thylacines can talk #faaf au #mentions of child harm and near death in tags too btw #so dont read further if its something youre sensitive to or cant handle rn #i like to write him as more sympathetic in faaf but i cant state enough what a gigantic hypocrite he is #pk: How can you hurt a child?! they're FIVE! #child harm cw #radi: ...dude. #dont make your kid a child soldier but also you cant 'all fair's in war' your way out of stabbing a toddler radi #unrelated tangent but they both suck and god i need to focus some more on FaaF Radi. Ik this AU at times feels like sympathetic PK and evil #villain Radi AU but it's really not. They're both morally grey and while Radi is a bit more. questionable and less sympathetic imo. doesnt #mean shes completely evil. they're both meant to be morally grey and both did equally horrible irredeemable shit that they come to regret #and wish to fix. ik it doesnt come off this way at times because i have my things i prefer to write at times and this AU was always a #relationship dynamic exploration between Flower and all different characters. but neither PK nor WL are by no means forgiven. Most of their #kids range from ''i literally dont care about you you are not my parents dont contact me again'' to ''i hate your guts'' #with sometimes an added flavour of ''And I WILL murder your ass if I see you again'' for some of them #(Razor my beutiful wife with unchecked anger issues <3) #sorry if the tags are incomprehensible it is 5 am and i instantly forget anything i write the second i cant read it fully #once i finish writing a tag and it collapses the contents of it instantly leave my short term memory. im not being dramatic btw the amount #of times i have to back out from editing tags to read them back bc i forgot what i wrote is annoying

[citruschaossys]

I fucking hate having anger issues.

-🐺

#vent #🐺 posts #🐺 vents #anger issues #anger #tw swearing #swearing cw

[shiutsu]

Mfs who say you should forgive your abusers are the worst.

Like those bitches (abusers) deserve to burn in hell and not fucking get away with it.

#dealing with anger #anger problems #anger issues #angercore #cw trauma #tw: trauma #ableist language cw #fuck ableists #ableist people #abuse victim #emotional abuse #mental abuse #actually abused #abuse recovery #emotionally abused #parental abuse #shut the fuck up #fuck forgiveness

[soryualeksi]

You will be missed so dearly.

It's like a hole has been torn into very structure of the station, and we're all just standing around it reeling from the shock.

It was good to cry with everyone. It was good to put up black ribbons. It will be good to say to curious outside voices, "We are in mourning, please do not badger us."

A man missing forever.

You had the brightest future ahead of you. You would have risen to be one of the greatest. You already were for us.

I will miss you dearly. We weren't personal friends, but we were colleagues, and I will forever cherish every minute I got to work with you. Your dry humour was the highlight of many a day. Your work ethics set an example I want to follow. You lived and breathed medicine, you were loyal, 100% dependable at all times, smart, diligent, literally wise beyond your years - what do you mean, I was a DECADE your senior?? Also the absolute funniest person around, no contest. Driest humour. Wittiest comments.

I wanted to listen to you talk more and I wanted to learn from you more. I can't believe I won't get to.

You were indispensable, and I think that hole in the structure will remain. We'll learn to live with it. With something being blown out in a blast. It's good to clear the rubble together, I think this helps.

I'm crying again.

Rest in peace.

#mourning #death cw #soryuchan's personal issues #maybe this sounds overly dramantic but when you work what we do your colleagues become your comrades in arms become your family of sorts #also that might be my personal hangups but it was so validating that grown men could just openly cry and sob and hug without judgement #it's good to mourn together #better would be not having to mourn at all #i can't believe this #also my heart goes out to the station chiefs who had to keep it a secret for several hours to prepare a less chaotic announcement #they pretended business as usual and i was only wondering WHY one of them seemed so curt and angry on the phone with me #turns out it wasn't anger at me at all but someone trying not to break down shouldering the responsibility of no chaos breaking out #it's good i was sick in bed when the announcement came bc i know myself. i would have put the car off the road in shock probably #damn why why why why why i can't believe this #also very validating to share the feeling of 'no I'm fully expecting the car door to open and him jumping out right now' #honestly it's so good to have someone to mourn with #daaaaamn this is all so unfair #going through the motions of posting my remaining whumptober stuff for formality's sake now #but then i will need a break from everything

[leadandblood]

EEEK, here it isss!!! First chapterrrr! Fresh Crozier-suffering, just for you <3

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Terror (TV 2018) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Francis Crozier & Thomas Jopson Characters: Francis Crozier, Thomas Jopson, Alexander McDonald (1817-c.1848) Additional Tags: Alcohol Withdrawal, Withdrawal, Nausea, Vomiting, Canon Compliant, Anger, Past Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Whump Summary:

Crozier's terrible horrible not good very bad week? No... Two... Perhaps... Perhaps more. Crozier is having a bad withdrawl and Jopson tries to help as much as he can, along with Dr McDonald. Lots of comfort to come, though the first chapter is very much without comfort.

#the terror #the terror amc #amc the terror #the terror fanfic #fanfic #mine #francis crozier #people mentioned are: #thomas jopson #alexander mcdonald #and #james fitzjames #they will come in later #for now they're just names #they aren't there actually #cw anger issues #cw past abuse #cw vomiting #whump

[l0nd0n-3xists]

Yknow what, This is why I don’t get close to people. Cause I try my hardest, And I know i’m not the best person, But you can atleast not trigger me on purpose. I should’ve never opened up or gotten close to you. I was excited, Excited to see you, Happy to be your friend, all that. Now I feel resentment towards you cause lately, All you’ve been doing is making me feel like absolute shit. You can call me dramatic, You can say all you want, I don’t care. I’m done letting myself be absolutely triggered by you.

#cw vent #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #mental health #resentment #actually bipolar #anger issues #self care

[nebulouscoffee]

bashir garak or ezri

Oooh great picks! I shall answer for all three😊

Julian

one aspect about them i love

That whole backstory with Kukalaka is SO endearing honestly; it really just gets to the heart of who he is, even by itself- but when paired with the whole 'Jules' reveal, it takes on a whole new poignancy

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I've seen Julian described as naive a lot, usually because he "assumes the best of people"- and I'm not saying that isn't a valid read, but it just feels very incomplete to me! Yes he's childish sometimes, but he's not a baby lol- he's just strongly, strongly driven by the belief that people can always become better. We see him get VERY angry and snarky and (fearlessly) combative with people he believes are in the wrong; people who don't show any flexibility in their perspectives. But the moment a person shows any sort of inclination towards growth or evolution? He puts everything aside and believes in them. To me, this is not naivety- this is courage; even if (especially if!) he may get it wrong sometimes. DS9 (like the real world) is full of people who'll insist that wrongdoers will never change and only deserve to be punished for their mistakes- and imo, Julian makes a fascinating, refreshing, and essential foil to this. (On a more specific note- he does NOT hang out with Garak because he doesn't fully understand the atrocities Garak committed!! Not beyond 'The Wire', anyway. He literally heard (and at the time, fully believed) multiple stories involving Garak being 1. a Gul during the Occupation, 2. a mass murderer (with victims both Cardassian and Bajoran), and 3. an interrogator of literal children. If not the exact details, he certainly knows the magnitude of Garak's crimes- he just chooses to go to great lengths to save his life anyway. This says something way more interesting about him, I think- about his inclination to believe in anyone he thinks would grow better if given the chance, and his willingness to be the one giving them that chance. Which, incidentally, is also why I struggle to see him cutting off his parents, though I do understand why people find value in reading & writing stories like that)

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

He is a polyglot, but this is one skill he very much keeps to himself. The reasons why are complicated, and linked with how his ideas of home and family and lineage and history and Earth and connection and talking and talkative-ness and "skill" are all somewhat tainted by the discovery of what his parents did to him

one character i love seeing them interact with

SO many options, but let's talk about Jadzia- I love how they moved past the initial awkwardness of Julian's crush on her into this deep, supportive, fun (!!!) and extremely loving bond. There's a lot they have in common (Extreme Imposter Syndrome Buddies :D) which means they always know when the other needs a good pep talk, and it's adorable. I love how they have no boundaries sometimes (Jadzia buying him porn will always be funny), I love that they're in cahoots, I love that they make each other laugh- they care about each other so much!! I honestly think it was one of the best-written friendship arcs between a male and female character on Trek, which is why I'm always so *sighs deeply* about Julian's feelings for Jadzia being dredged up again in- ///cuts myself off because you've heard this rant before from everyone and their moogie haven't you///

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Fascinating conversations Julian Bashir and Kira Nerys could've had (my beloved): long-term health issues in Bajoran mining victims & Resistance fighters; nature vs nurture and their "dangerous" Augment/Mirror selves; Sisko as Commanding Officer vs Sisko as Emissary; nerding out over Bajoran music; why must Jadzia Dax be so beautiful; complicated connections with cultural roots; Kirayoshi & postnatal care; the concept of "forgiveness"; revisiting that "frontier medicine" scene to highlight how much they've both changed; Kira offering a kinder approach to "Jules Bashir died in that hospital" through the concept of a pagh

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

He never, ever let the whole Jem'Hadar thing go. In fact, he actually set up this secret rehabilitation centre in Goran'Agar's name after the war, which now provides intensive care for all the Jem'Hadar and Vorta left behind in the AQ. He told me himself :)

Garak

one aspect about them i love

It's been years since my first watch, but I'll never forget how excited I got every single time I saw "Special Guest Star Andrew Robinson" in the credits lol. You just know you're in for a great one; he's such a fantastic and scene-stealing character!

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I just feel like, for a character whose most famous line is "They're all true, [especially the lies]", there is WAYYY too much discourse about him that approaches him from extremes? And it always misses the point imo. Garak was a spy, assassin, interrogator and torturer for the Cardassian government, who participated in (or at the very least, aided) a colonial and genocidal occupation, and expresses supremacist, xenophobic and fascist beliefs for the majority of the series. Erasing any of this is would be erasing not just who he was, but who he is. But the lack of imagination re how to move forward with him if we are engaging with such themes is equally, if not more, frustrating to me. Sure, a lot of the cutesy art and fanfics can have him behaving overly sincere and out of character- but the counter response is always "how dare you woobify this racist war criminal he's violent and dangerous and bigoted and therefore he would NOT do or say or feel any of that!!!", and- okay, so is the idea of him designing and sewing dresses out of character, then...? Is the image of him debating books over lunch with a bib tucked in too woobified? Is the notion of him trying to set up a fellow (Bajoran!!) business owner on a date too fanfic-ey? Because guess what- that's literally how he behaves on the show! Garak is a self-aware self-woobifier, that's literally the whole point, he's "just a plain simple tailor" wink, wink- and without at least some element of that comical mundanity, that sort of absurdist domesticity, the character just isn't recognisable imo. Garak is the con artist who fell for his own con; he's spent so long playing various roles that he now over-performs everything and has no idea where the performance ends and the genuine begins, literally what makes his character work is that you're looking at this war criminal just doing benign stuff like sampling drinks or watching a tennis match or gifting his friend chocolates and wondering just WHAT is going on inside his head- and, "he did horrible things and therefore must be incapable of any form of sincerity or affection or regret and the perception of any of those things is woobification" is such a reductive (and boring!) approach to him imo. I don't mean any of this as apologia; there are many, many ways in which a person can be bigoted and cruel, and Garak is those things- I just feel like people often misrepresent the manner in which he is those things (usually by making him unfunny and weirdly macho, which I just cannot understand at all😂)

TL;DR- Garak the poor sad misunderstood baby who never enjoyed any of the bad things he did and only thinks about Julian Bashir 24/7 is out of character, sure- but Garak the violent emotionless villain who treats all Bajorans abusively 24/7 and will never ever grow or change is... just as divorced from canon imo (imo!! Emphasis on "o"!!)

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Garak himself doesn't always fully remember the details of his past; he has this very Cardassian ability to specifically delete anything he wants to from his memory, and he's better at it than most (though, still not always successful). Only thing Garak regularly tops is the List Of People Garak Lies To basically

one character i love seeing them interact with

Well, apart from the obvious- I think every scene between him and Odo in IC/TDIC is incredibly immersive and top tier! The actors are SO good together, and the only reason Odo isn't in the next category is I actually think it's perfectly in character for both of them to just never bring up the whole torture thing ever again

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

KIRAAAAA but tbh, I'm more interested in their post-canon dynamic than anything, so instead I'll go with Sisko! Every time these two are on screen together, amazing. The effortless back and forth. The intellectual battling. The subtly flirty line deliveries(!!!) The palpable shifts in the power dynamic. The oddly respectful snarking. Again, the way these two actors are SO GOOD

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Some may claim that Garak hates the more outlandish civilian outfits that Jake and Julian wear. I say he made them

Ezri

one aspect about them i love

The sheer impact of actually getting to spend a whole season with the next Dax (after years of only hearing about Curzon) just cannot be overstated imo. Like, we the audience got to experience firsthand what it was like for Benjamin to first see Jadzia walk out of that shuttle; for Jadzia to wake up one day and find herself the newest link in a long-revered chain- we actually saw the new host struggling to adjust, reconciling all those lifetimes of memories all over again, rekindling and redefining Dax's old relationships (the relationship with the audience very much included!)- and then on top of that, the new host wasn't even trained to take on the symbiont?? What an incredible character premise! I was obsessed from the moment she said "Hello Benjamin it's me Dax"

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Ezri is Jadzia's successor; not Jadzia's replacement. She cannot replace Jadzia- that's literally the entire point of her arc, that she should stop trying! She's a fascinating character in her own right, and also extremely interesting to think about and discuss independent of whom she will end up/should've ended up with

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Ezri Tigan was not "anxious" in a rambly nervous way like Ezri Dax, but more hyper-competent and "I'm always unhappy because everything I do HAS to be perfect so I'm never satisfied and I hate myself" (which was definitely how she was trained to think by her mother). For this reason, joining with Dax actually ends up being good for her in the long run! Nothing drives an oppressive voice out of your head quite like suddenly having eight other voices in there lol

one character i love seeing them interact with

I know some people don't like her and Worf mistakenly thinking they're in love and hooking up and then realising they work better as friends, but I actually think it's very understandable for both of them, and the friendship they form afterwards is so wholesome. That scene where he asks for her advice and she just calls out corruption in the Klingon empire is one of my favourite Ezri scenes ever :D

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

It is my firm belief that Sisko and Ezri's S7 arcs should have revolved around each other. Ben's journey at this point is so tied up in his ever-growing disconnect from linear time and corporeality, and imo nothing grounds this better than his three-lifetime bond with Dax! He should have talked about the Prophets and Benny Russell and the whole concept of destiny with his favourite old worm. It also would've been revelatory for Ezri, who herself is trying to adjust to the non-linearity (300 years of memories she can't easily get in order) and non-corporeality (whose body IS this anyway???) of being Dax

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

I know we all have our theories as to why and how and when exactly she and Julian break up, and while I do enjoy the drama sometimes, I still fundamentally feel like it would be short and amicable and they'd remain close friends for life. Or maybe I'm just a big sap hehe

#ask game #cw torture mention #thank you so much for this opportunity to ramble! :) #just wanna clarify- I wasn't saying g@rak's former career & (lack of) morals CAN'T be a point of contention between him and bash1r #I just don't think jul1an would hold his /past/ deeds over him #but if he speaks in *defense* of those past deeds? that could definitely raise some issues (esp if they're together in this scenario) #also there's plenty of messed up things g@rak does in the show's PRESENT to choose from! torturing 0do/trying to murder the founders/or #even that one bajoran conference- jul1an would find these actions indefensible imo (and I have read some good fics exploring this) #ITPM is... interesting because I actually don't think late s6 bash!r would condemn him for it very much #I mean even s!sko seemed more pissed about the fact that he'd been tricked into murdering the guy than the fact that the guy was murdered #(and his anger quickly dissipated once he realised he hadn't been AS tricked as he was telling himself he was) #bottom line is g@rak as War Criminal & Cardassian Oppressor IS interesting to explore! I just don't think it would (or should) negate #the possibility of growth or change (which he does undergo on the show) and definitely not a relationship with jul1an #who in canon doesn't really seem to consider g@rak's past (or even present) a deal breaker #(not attacking anyone PLEASE don't start Discourse about this thank you!!!)

[batsbolts-andfangs]

As Ula D, I handle my emotions differently than I normally would, outside of a kinshift. Yes, there is an uncontrollable rage, but it is usually kept internal, as for I do not want to unleash it on anyone.

I do not like others knowing my struggles. My posts here, kinshifted to Ula, they will not pertain to much of how you would see me vent otherwise. I tend to write lengthy things, depending on if I am able to get myself the strength. I hate others being to read how I feel, to be truthful. It is.. Uncomfortable knowing that others can read my emotions.

I suppose that may be also why I just handle my emotions better in general, at least when talking to myself. There is something about the calmness in my words that soothes me, even if only for a little. It is better than constantly losing it at everyone and anyone around me.

Back when I was myself, before now, my past life.. I remember bits and pieces of emotions. As stated before, anger was my most prevalent. But that wasn't my only emotion, and I think others would fail to understand that. Not that it is something I talk about much, but I could feel more than just anger. I certainly felt a lot of love, too. I do not think that is hard to understand.

(Divider credits are on my pinned post but will be featured here since this is my first time using them. They are by @/moonlightdividingthelands.)

#💕︴ #fictionkin #fictkin #vampkin #vampirekin #monster high kin #draculaura kin #nonhuman #filter tags ahead > #cw anger issues #anger issues