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razorblade180 · 4 years

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interdimensional Dads 3

Jaune:Alright, you’re up Blue. Tell all about a world where we manage to get our Beacon crush. That’s how I know you aren’t lying when you say there’s magic in your Remnant again.

Jaune:Magic had nothing to do with it! It’s called time and life. Also I told her I was going to cut my hair and she felt appalled so I didn’t. She told me how much she loves it a little shaggy.

...

Jaune:What?

Jaune:(Did cutting my hair really change my life that much?) It’s nothing, continue.

Jaune:Okay? Well, where to start? I guess the magic is as good of a place as any. Not much on the surface has changed. The climate seems to be a bit more intense though. The gods are back as well, but no one knows exactly where.

Jaune:It’s not on any map?

Jaune:No, apparently it’s constantly changing. Those who get close to finding it usually get turned around by something. Even Oscar doesn’t know.

Jaune:Oscar is still himself? Oz didn’t take over?

Jaune:Why would be? We saved the world and he got to move on. Oscar does however still have all the memories and experience. Not to mention the one hell of a fighter. Though these days he prefers using all that knowledge for counciling.

Jaune:Good for him.

Jaune:He’s a therapist? Huh, yeah he’s definitely been through hell and back in all of our lives. I never really stop to think how crazy it all was.

Jaune:He’s also married to Penny.

Jaune:Penny is back!?

Jaune:Your world is kicking my world’s ass.

Jaune:It’s pretty wild for sure. Yet it feels vaguely normal. Most of my time is spent still doing huntsman work. I take bodyguard missions mostly these days since they normally aren’t as dangerous. Saving towns from grimm is something I have to leave to the others like Ruby. Weiss gets a little anxious otherwise; even more than the kids do these days.

Jaune:Now for the good part, gushing about your kids.

Jaune:*smiling* Nicholas and Summer Schnee, my little Twin Snowflakes. Both sixteen and quite the handful.

Jaune:You know of any of us needed to have twins, I’m glad it’s the one who married into wealth.

Jaune:Well you’re sorta right. However, Weiss was cut off for years until her father wrote her back into the family on his deathbed. So she’s become financially savvy from having to live in Argus for years. That includes the kids when they were little and even a pet dog. I’d like to think we’ve both grown up through the years but she’s definitely changed more than me.

Jaune:I think that might be true for all of us.

Jaune:Hehe, I got a feeling you’re right.

Jaune:Yeah my Weiss has gone through some shit and took it strides as well.

Jaune:Anyways, being rich is nice but we did pretty fine before it. Yeah we had to work constantly but it’s not like there wasn’t anybody we couldn’t ask for help. I say by far the craziest thing about my world is team RWBY is now a connected on the family tree and then some.

Jaune:Wait...that would mean- who married a Schnee besides you! Qrow married Winter and that’s it right!? Right!?

Jaune:*smiling* Is someone a little jealous of thinking about a world where Ruby married Whitley?

Jaune:...A little.

Jaune:I guess I can spare you those details then. Just know they’ve done some real good for Remnant.

Jaune:That, I didn’t doubt for a second. It’s just a little weird hearing she isn’t with me.

Jaune:You named your kids after Weiss’s grandfather and Ruby’s mom?

Jaune:Nick is the future heir and Summer got her name because....sigh

....

Jaune:It was the right thing to do.

The other’s didn’t probe that avenue any further. Without saying anything, they already knew.

Jaune:Ruby must really appreciate that.

Jaune:Yeah. She might not realize it but she shows a little bias to Summer because of it. Not that Nick particularly cares. I think he might enjoy not being on someone’s radar for once.

Jaune:Let me guess, Mr. Popular?

Jaune:President at combat school, runner up in regionals, gold in figure skating, future heir, master of promoting various events and hosting parties. Kid has it made, and yet...

Jaune:He doesn’t seem to be having fun? I think we might’ve found a similar thread between our kids.

Jaune:Makes sense. Nick has the same problem I still have sometimes.

Jaune:Overthinking?

Jaune:Taking the blow for others?

Jaune:Burdening himself for no reason.

Jaune:Yes....

Jaune:Oh...

Jaune:He’s the kind of kid who finds a way to finish work quickly so he can finish other work faster; in a never ending loop. All for the sake of making others lives easier. This also causes him to tunnel vision sometimes and not really ask what that person wanted in the first place. That, or he puts himself in a position where he doesn’t get to enjoy being a teenager. It’s partly the reason why Weiss and I don’t give him too much slack whenever he does something for the fun of it.

Jaune.Even in a time of peace, someone like him is taking a lot of responsibilities. Not sure if that’s an Arc thing or a Schnee thing.

Jaune:Trust me, it’s both. He seems to be handling it well though. Weiss really gets on him about taking time to just be himself. Honestly it feels like there’s a couple times he’s even trying to put on a face for us instead of cameras. Fortunately people like Valerie and Veronica seem to cut through that act.

Jaune:Oooh, lady friends?

Jaune:Valerie is Ren and Nora’s kid. He has a giant crush on her but I sort of think he tries too hard and should consider looking elsewhere.

Jaune:That’s ironic coming from you.

Jaune:That’s how you know it’s bad. Me, the guy who wrote a terrible song just to get a date to the dance. To be fair he’s not that bad but I feel like he’ll end crushing his confidence. I mean Veronica would be nice. Blake and Yang’s daughter has a thing for him that’s just as obvious for his crush on Val.

Jaune:(Huh, that’s two sets of different kids from the same parents now. I guess some relationships are harder to change than others.) Nick sounds like a fine young man. I bet things will workout. He seems bright.

Jaune:Yeah, I just hope nothing blows up in his face. As for Summer, she’s practically the spitting image of her mother except with my eyes and light blonde hair. She’s pretty timid and a really kind girl. Smart as a whip too! Definitely got that from her mom; as well as her singing.

Jaune:She performs?

Jaune:Yeah, Atlas loves her music. She has good range, learned guitar from yours truly, tops the charts sometimes in other kingdoms, and genuinely seems to enjoy the life of a singer.

Jaune:But she’s timid?

Jaune:Yeah. Off the stage, she tries to get by life like a background character, but still wants to hang around Nick who’s always in a spotlight! When she was younger she got into a incident with dust that severely injured her. Thankfully she lived but now Summer has several scars over her body that she can’t stand. Also...that wasn’t all she got. Scars are least of her problems. The dust mixed with her cells in unexpected ways.

Jaune:Over exposer, did she get some sort of chronic illness or deficiency?

Jaune:Honestly, we don’t know what to call it. Whenever she gets too cold, Summer changes. Her hair goes white, eyes look like mother, and her personality does a 180. More than that actually. It’s more like she’s been possessed and what’s nothing more to rule everything. We call it Shiva. We have it under control mostly after ten years of dealing with it but there’s still scares now and then. Whatever Shiva is, she’s strong and capable of terrible things. Thankfully no casualties yet, but plenty of close calls and extra scars for almost everyone involved. The mental strain it puts on Summer almost seems crippling. I...don’t really know what to do about it at this point. She’s been distant, and I feel like she isn’t telling me something.

Jaune:....

Jaune:Well...you haven’t lost anything yet right?

Jaune:Huh?

Jaune:Don’t look so bummed. Ten years and nothing too tragic to show for it. Maybe it’s luck, or everyone is way stronger than this problem after all. Including your daughter. Trust me, daughters are way stronger than what father’s give them credit for.

Jaune:Ha, you know he might be on to something with that. You heard my story. Yujin was keeping things together for a long time. That being said, they’re still our little angels and can only go so far. Eventually they’re gonna wish to see someone like their dear old dad to to lean on. That’s our job after all.

Jaune:Yep. You’ll figure it. Like you said, you’re not alone.

Jaune:I might have a daughter but I know a thing or two about distant kids. Take it a step at a time, and let them know you’re always there.

Jaune:...*smiles* Thanks guys.

Jaune:No problem!

Jaune:I wonder what’s up with those two right now? Probably training for their tournament no doubt.

xxxx

Training is putting it lightly. The cold Argus air is filled with smoke as a fire burns in the forest. Nick kneels with his sword stabbed int ground. His body trembles from exhaustion and sweat runs down his face while his hands still grip the blade handle til his palms bleed. Surrounding him is Apathy as pale as ghost with ghastly blue eyes that make them look like they’re right out of horror movie.

Though he’s tired, he manages to lift his head up and see his sister on her hands and knees, not as roughed up as him but more drained from the grimm. Summer looked at her brother with eyes that constantly flickered between shades of blue before turning the shade of their father’s. Summer fell forward, all motivation to move taken away.

Nick:You okay...?

Summer:Y-Yeah...thanks. Sorry.

Nick:Next time....we’ll bring Ruby just in case.

He found the strength to walk towards his sister and carried her on his back. The summoned Apathy keeping a certain range around them like a dome as he walked. Summer found whatever strength she had to raise her right hand up and snapped her fingers. A cool wind came off her finger tips and snuffed out flames before it got out of hand.

Summer:Can’t have this place burning down right?

Nick:You’re gonna get cold again.

Summer:She’s tired...and I’m spent. Even if she comes out, my body can’t move so...zzzzz

Nick:Sigh, saw that coming.

Nicholas walked as fast as his body let him. Abandoning both of their swords in favor or retrieving them later. They’d gotten lucky, the sun was out and he had handled the situation before Shiva could find her stride. Warm clothing also did its part.

He felt Summer shift around on his back and started moving faster. He hated this part.

Nick:I don’t wanna talk to you.

Shiva:That’s no way to treat family.

Nick:But an icicle to the leg is?

Shiva:How else was I supposed to slow you down? You’ve gotten stronger, dodging it the way you did. How unpleasant for me. I’ll aim higher next time, I’ll make sure not to rough up that money maker of yours though.

Nick:Next time I’ll throw you in the fire so you’ll be too tired to talk. Your days are numbered. It must be a pain dealing with me and trying to keep control. Sooner or later you won’t be able to do anything but lose until Summer snuffs you out. Then you’ll be nothing more than a bad dream.

Shiva:....Hmmm aha!

Shiva:I’ve decided then. I guess I’ll just have to kill you first before that happens.

A chill went down his spine as he could feel her ice cold breath hit his ear as she whispersed...

Shiva:Let’s see if I’ll be a bad dream them.

Nick looked over his shoulder and saw nothing but his sister’s sleeping face. Not a sign of anyone or anything else; just peaceful slumber. The boy continued walking in silence. He was still sweating, still trembling, but no longer from the cold. Exhaustion crumbled to adrenaline. He started going back to the sight of their training to grab his sword. After all, who knows what could happen on the way back?

Part 2

Start reading Twin Snoflakes?< Part subzero

#rwby #rwby au #the void #jaune arc #rwby twin snowflakes #summer schnee #nicholas schnee #rwby knightshade #rwby whiteknight #rwby lancaster #rwby dragonslayer

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wiltedeyesandtwistedlies · 4 years

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What are the inattentive symptoms of ADHD?

Before I answer, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences ADHD the same way. I came up with this list through hours of extensive research, but I still explained each one based on how I experience them personally, because I wanted it to be an honest and accurate resource.

Now, I experience every inattentive symptom of ADHD severely. As well as most hyperactive type symptoms, but not nearly as severely. Hence why my explanations are on the severe side. So if you don’t experience every one of these, or you don’t experience them exactly like this, that doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD.

Most Commonly Known Symptoms:

Inattentive ADHD is pretty much the same thing as hyperactive ADHD but with less hyperactive tendencies. So technically these symptoms apply to both, but ADHD has a few more that won’t be listed here.

• Inability to focus on disinteresting or unengaging tasks even if you need or even want to – As if your brain physically won’t let you. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. There is no, “Just do it because you have to.”

For real. Imagine a video came where you’ve reached the end of the map and there’s that invisible barrier to keep you from going any farther. But all the other players are passing it just fine. They look at you like you’re crazy and can’t believe that you can’t get through. But it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE.

Now apply that to easy individual movements or tasks like plugging in your charger right next to you or washing a few bowls.

• Focusing WAY too much on this single thing whether you like it or not. It’s called “hyperfixating” and it’s both the most exhilarating experience in the world and the most soul crushing. You can watch/do nothing else, consume nothing else, think of nothing else. It’s exciting and invigorating. But as soon as there is no more material/info about it to devour, existence is gray and meaningless. The adrenaline rush and laser focus are like nothing else, but the crash is just as intense.

• Inability to divert attention to something different when you're already focused on something else. (More of a product of the two above, really)

• Inability to organize or maintain a neat system. It’s not that we don’t have a system (because we do, and if it’s altered in the most miniscule way we will know and we will be furious) but that our systems tend to be more about ease of access. It looks messy, but everything is just easily reachable instead of tucked away in drawers or hidden in organizer bins.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” As soon as we can’t see it, or we get used to it and it becomes a background visual (like background noise but for your eyes), it no longer exists. Until we see it again we have never seen it before either.

• Emotions are forceful and kinda scary. Lacking the ability to regulate emotions means violently strong feelings. They can sweep you away and leave you stranded in an uncomfortable predicament. Major highs and lows as well as strong grudges and emotionally based actions.

• Distractability: There’s this stereotype that all people with ADHD are hyper airheads who cut off mid sentence to shout random shit like “SQUIRREL!” whenever they see something remotely interesting. They’re super excited about it and HAVE to let everyone know, no matter what they were doing before. It’s kind of the “cutesie” version that the media portrays a lot. Most ADHDers don’t actually fit this stereotype.

However, stereotypes are often based on true characteristics, even if they have been twisted into a sick joke or a cruel portrayal.

NOTE: There is nothing wrong with this form of ADHD. It just sucks that if you don’t match this stereotype, no one really believes you have ADHD. Also that so many people use it to insult and bully people with ADHD, even if that isn’t how they display their symptoms.

Lesser Known Symptoms:

Basically if these are #relateable, you probably have ADHD.

• Unable to conceptualize time in any way. Will this take two minutes? Three hours? No one knows! You thought this would take a half hour at most and it’s taken three! How?? This was a five-minute task and you’ve just realized you zoned out. It felt like two seconds but it was two hours!

• There is only Now and Not Now. Again, it’s a time thing. The future always seems so far away that it's almost like it doesn't exist. "Time is a construct" is something I often say because I have no sense of time passing, having past, or will pass. People describe me as "living in the present.” But that’s only because I forget that there is a future or that time is moving. I just don't think about it at all and when I try to it's impossible to understand and it feels made up.

• Sensitive to any form of rejection, actual or perceived. A friend texts you back, but they don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as usual. You immediately tear your message apart to try to find what upset them and how you can make it up to them. Because surely that’s what that nontypical period means? You want to curl up in a hole and never come out, never face the horrible thing you’ve done to a treasured friend. Intense fear and sorrow mingle into all consuming guilt. The kind that makes you wish you’d never met them, just so they wouldn’t have to be hurt by you now. All because they added a period.

Everyone with some form of an anxiety disorder will recognize this. But it’s also a very common ADHD experience. This is in part because anxiety is SUPER likely to be comorbid with ADHD. But we also have Rejection Sensative Dysphoria. Which basically means we’re ridiculously sensitive to the slightest possibility of the barest chance that we maybe might receive a sliver of perceived ambiguous rejection. To the point where we cut off good relationships for seemingly no reason because we’re too afraid to even speak to them again, much less explain our emotions that we know are irrational but can’t help. The guilt and regret are too agonizing, the fear to face them too much.

• Reading is AWFUL. We’ve already established that attention is not your friend. Unfortunately, that makes it difficult to read blocks of boring text. The information could be good, it could be fun even. But if the format is too uniform and plain, it’s impossible to get past the first few sentences. You just keep rereading the same line over and over, realizing every time that you zoned out halfway across. It’s infuriating and very sad. It also makes studying an absolute nightmare.

Many people actually don’t have this experience. They hyperfocus on their reading or their schoolwork so it isn’t a problem. I was the same way until college and now I can’t even read a little recipe card without zoning out. But it’s a very common experience nevertheless so I listed it anyway.

• Ringing ears, hearing electricity. This is one I just heard about. I haven’t been able to actually research this one, but it’s interesting and every ADHDer I know has confirmed it so I’m adding it. ‘Cause I’ve had constant ringing since I was old enough to talk. And I’ve always been able to hear power lines, household appliances, wires inside the walls, all those varying vibrating hums and crackling pops. It’s one of the weird quirks that “run in the family.” Just like Tinnitus and all ADHD symptoms. Apparently, MANY people with ADHD have similar experiences.

• Negative stimming. Things that negatively stimulate your senses. After encountering a certain stim, you feel it physically. It causes a sensation that hurts, in a way. It shouldn’t, logically. But your body’s reaction is to pain. This includes foods you can’t eat because the texture is wrong. Clothing you can’t wear because you can easily breath but no you really can’t because the collar sits wrong against your throat. Sounds that make your spine stiffen or skin crawl. Bright lights or colors that don’t affect anyone else but make your head ache.

Stims and sensitivity can affect any and all senses. A certain smell, agitating fabrics, an unbelievably smooth stone, specific tastes and food textures, certain color combinations, particular sounds/pitches/volumes, et cetera.

• Positive stimming. The other side of the sensory coin. Things that are exceptionally pleasant to your senses/stimulate you positively. For example, the way light shines through a transparent bright blue gem. Watching the light catch and twist so fluidly when you move it takes your breath away. There’s a euphoric feeling to it, and you can’t look away. It’s too pleasing. It’s like a deep satisfaction you can physically feel throughout your whole body, emanating from deep within your chest. You never want to stop that feeling.

Personally, it feels like my chest is somehow much deeper than it actually is. And at the farthest, deepest part is where that satisfaction settles. Nothing else can ever reach that hidden, impossibly deep cavity. It’s so amazing, I never want it to stop. It can feel like that endless pit is starved, and the stim is the first sustenance it’s ever had so it never what’s to let it go.

• Forgetting supposedly unforgettable things. Like where the fuck I parked my car. Also what my car looks like. It’s blue right? It has a hatch. I accidently memorized the license plate (complicated story) but I can’t tell you what model it is?? Is it even in this parking lot? I’ve never parked anywhere else but my memory is obviously garbage so now I need to check every parking lot just in case.

End Note:

It’s important to know that ADHD has many symptoms that overlap with other nuerodivergencies such as autism or ASD. Executive dysfunction can be caused by a number of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Emotional regulation problems can look just like Bipolar disorder and vice versus.

My point is, every symptom could actually be something else. It’s really easy to be misdiagnosed because they all have such similar symptoms. I know someone who thought they had ADHD for years, but it was actually a mix of severe depression and anxiety that fucked with their working memory (as both depression and anxiety do). Someone else I know was diagnosed with manic depression and thought they might be bipolar, but it was undiagnosed ADD the whole time.

#cassidy talks once in a while #info about everything adhd #add #add symptoms #adhd symptoms #add info #adhd info #add information #adhd information

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 4 years

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Ok my dudes, dudettes, & various cryptids, we gotta talk about something. A health something.

So if you've followed me at all, you know I have vEDS & that my hypermobility is pretty gnarly in that my joints are stupid levels of unstable. I think many of you have probably caught on to the fact that I wasn't diagnosed until pretty late in the game... like 4 yrs ago when I was 30. For as bad as my symptoms are, I should have shown significant symptoms & signs as a youngster, someone should have noticed, right? It seems super sketchy that I have a lifelong genetic disorder in a really bad way but nobody noticed til I was 30.

I definitely get that. That shit is sketchy as hell, unless you know how I was raised. Allow me to shed light upon why I'm a weird outlier regarding treatment/diagnosis of EDS.

I guess let's start at the beginning. I was born to a workaholic man & a schizoaffective woman who was upset that I was not a boy. When the doctors pulled me out, my hips were dislocated entirely. Like just dangling. But my mother was so "distressed" (aka throwing a crazy bitch fit over something insane) that they didn't want to trouble her or my father with it. They told my dad's mom. She... told nobody.

As a baby/toddler/preschooler, I fell. A lot. Like, an abnormal amount & for seemingly no reason. My knees & elbows bent backward. But dad was always working & mom was crazy.

When I was 4, they split, & dad got with my stepmother.

The first memory I have of this woman is her laughing at 4 yr old me & calling me stupid with an amount of venom in her voice that I was used to from mom (who still hated me for not being a boy). Why was 4 yr old me stupid & deserving of ridicule? Because I'd never seen french toast, but knew what toast was, so I made the toast connection & tried to eat the sticky mess with my hands. You know... LIKE TOAST.

Anyway, i remember my entire childhood having neck, back, & joint pain. The joint pain would get so bad that elementary school aged me would cry myself to sleep most nights. Dad was still always working & the stepmom told me that either I was faking for attention or that I just had the regular pains everyone has, I was just a baby & sucked at coping.

I can remember popping my hips partially in & out (obviously not knowing what I was doing) when I was absent mindedly thinking because I liked the noise it made. I remember the stepmom starting a nickname that stuck within the family for YEARS: flamingo girl because my elbows & knees went so far backwards. I remember the running family jokes about how I would be "just standing there, then fell over for no reason". I was told I was clumsy & so uncoordinated they were surprised I could get food into my mouth.

Still, I was told it was normal, despite nobody else having these problems.

My shoulder started sliding out of socket regularly on the playground or during normal activities during elementary school. The first time it happened at school, I went to the nurse. My stepmom reluctantly came to get me & take me to the doctor while telling me I was faking to get out of school.

When I was 7, I started getting pneumonia every winter. She berated me for having the nerve to be "so disgustingly sickly".

When I was 8, I started getting what looked like migraines every couple months, but was never taken to a doctor. I was put in a dark room with a cold compress & grounded for attention seeking. Around this time, schools still did scoliosis checks & found mild curvatures in my back. Nothing was ever brought up about that again.

When I was 11, my knee fully dislocated at school. I was told I did it on purpose to make her look bad. She had a friend who was a psychiatrist treat me for mental illness that I didn't have because the doctor, being her friend, didn't even speak to me. Just took her word for it regarding my alleged behavior & my mother's mental health. I was drugged & pulled out of school for an intensive outpatient program where I said nothing. Saying nothing was safest. The one time I spoke of her other outright abuse, I was punished.

All this time, my father was working himself to death because she popped out 2 other kids, bringing the count to a total of 4, & refused to work. He had no idea what was happening.

So I grew up thinking my body was normal, I just sucked at dealing with it. I didn't get any idea that it wasn't until my mid 20s but by then, I was a parent & was juuuust making ends meet, so I couldn't figure out what was happening, even if I wanted to. So I pushed through as my dislocations & migraine like headaches got more frequent & more devastating.

Then, around 30, after 4 organ ruptures of unknown causes & a lifetime of ignored dislocations, hypermobility, pneumonia, & migraines, my body had enough. Things really went downhill & it snowballed pretty fast. It still took until I was 32 to get a proper diagnosis.

Since then, everyone has been trying to play catch up. By that time, my tendons & ligaments had become so fragile that PT actually did a load of damage in the form of tearing. My hips & knees slid out slightly when I walked, resetting themselves when I put my foot back on the floor. I was rx'd a power chair (which I still waited nearly 2 years to get & still only use for long trips). I had serious GI problems. The migraines (which are tension headaches) were happening weekly (now daily).

So in summary, this could have been prevented with early intervention & proper care. But unfortunately I was the victim of abuse & negligence. And that, my dears, is why I am a weird outlier.

If you take ONE thing from this, I hope it is that you pay attention & listen to your kids. Don't blow them off when they say something is wrong or you see evidence that something is wrong.

If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to my rant/explanation of how EDS can be THIS bad & go unnoticed for so long.

Also, there is no need for "I'm sorry" or pity. I know how hard my life has been & I went through a decade of therapy to get over the PTSD & such from my childhood. It's just an explanation & cautionary tale.

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

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Sanctuary -Chapter 30

Warnings: talk about depression and mental issues (Tyler), some smut

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @thorsbathroomchicken, @valkyrie-of-the-light

He watches her as she sleeps; flat on her stomach, a forearm tucked under the pillow -his pillow- the her cheek rests against. That deep red hair is a striking contest against the crisp white linen; shimmering in the thin rays of sunshine that manages to sneak through the gap in the drawn curtains. She's beautiful; pale smooth skin, the ends of impossibly long and think eyelashes skimming the tops of her cheeks, face make up free and those freckles across the bridge of her nose noticeable. She's always been self conscious of them; always covering them up with foundation or -on those clean days- constantly bringing her hand up to cover them if her self esteem issues tell her that someone is staring at them. They're just part of her; the one thing she possessed that she'd passed down to all of their kids. Those tiny dots making her look even younger than she already does; gracing her with an innocence. Purity. As if she'd never fully made that transition from fresh faced young woman to a thirty five year old wife and mother.

Leaning over the bed, he runs a hand over her hair; presses a kiss to her forehead. She stirs but doesn't awaken; mumbling incoherently, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she rubs her cheek against the pillow and nestles her face even deeper into it. He'd been anxious to find out just what the something was that she had discovered McMann; expecting to hear all about it the second he walked through the door. He'd pictured the way she gets when she's excited; how all but bounces towards him, those dark eyes wide and sparkling, the way she rambles and jumps from topic to topic before the final reveal. And when he'd discovered her napping, he'd briefly considered waking her up. Almost irritated that she'd send him a message like that and have the nerve to not be conscious to explain it. Annoyed that she'd even fall asleep considering the clock was ticking and time was running out. Not just for the McMann kids, but for them as well.

But then he'd stood and watched her and his entire outlook changed. She's been stressed. Anxious. Missing home. The mixture of all those things causing nightmares. A lack of appetite. Headaches and nausea. There was no sense in telling her to relax ; under certain circumstances and involving certain people, she is extremely high strung. Her nerves frayed and her patience shot. So he lets her sleep; journey around to his side of the bed and removing the gun and the holster from his hip, placing them and the SAT phone on top of the nightstand. Then kicks off his boots and and grabs a hold of the comforter that lays bunched up at the end of the bed; covering himself -and her- as he stretches out on his side next to her. Draping an arm over her slender body, pressing his front against her back; eyes closed, face buried in her hair.

His body and mind allow him to rest. It's been a hell of a two weeks; it feels like a lifetime since McMann showed up in Telluride, looking for his help. So much has happened since then. So much continues to happen. The reality of the situation becoming more and more twisted and crazy with each passing hour. It's a mind fuck; trying to piece everything together, make sense of all the information that keeps rolling in. But for a moment, his mind allows him to shut it all down. To think about nothing except for that warm body pressed against his. About the soft, familiar scent that clings to her hair and her skin. The sound of her soft, even breathing. All working together to lull him to sleep.

His eyes crack open when he feels her move against him. The sun has changed positions; more sun streaming through the gap in the curtains, falling across the bed. Has it only been minutes? Has it been hours? And his mind is beginning to fully emerge from the grogginess when she rolls over to face him; pressing her lips against his chin and then resting her forehead against his. The arm against the bed stretching out and the hand combing through his hair, the other one sliding under his hand, palm resting against his back.

“I'm glad you're back,” she says with a content sigh.

“So am I.”

“Safe and sound,” she muses, and he presses his lip against her forehead. “Everything went okay?

“Yup,” he nods, hand on the small of her back as he pulls her even tighter into him. Needing that closeness; the feel of her body pressed against his, her breath wafting against the skin on his neck. It's not a sexual need; just a desire for intimacy in its purest and simplest form. To know that she's right there with him. That for now, all the worries and the problems are on the back burner and they can just...be.

“Do you find anything out?”

“Nothing we didn't already know. Or at least suspected. The wife's family is behind it. Whether or not she's actually involved or they've made her a victim too...” he shrugs. “...there's no way of knowing that. Not yet anyway.”

“Did you tell him? That you knew everything he told you is a lie?”

“Yeah. I let him know.”

“Did you lose it on him?”

“Not really,” he lies, and then rolls over onto his back, arm still wrapped around her, pulling her with him. Still on her side, her chest nestled against his rib cage, her hand resting on his stomach.

“So he just willingly gave you the information?” she sounds skeptical.

“What else could he do? Once I threw everything in his face, he couldn't exactly deny it.”

“Do you think he's involved? That maybe he might be in charge of all of this?”

“There's no reason why he would be. Not unless there is something I'm forgetting and our paths have crossed before. Maybe I did step on his toes some time in the past and I can't remember.”

“Your long term memory isn't what got messed up,” she gently reminds him.

“I still don't remember anything about Dhaka,” he points out. “I remember everything that happened up until the point...” he pauses, squeezes his eyes shut.

Most days he can talk about it with no little to no effect. Calming and rationally able to relive it; from the moment he'd sent her off with Ovi and Saju to when he'd been shot in the neck. Those details are still fresh. As if it had just happened yesterday. He can recall every word that was said, the look on her face when he'd sent her ahead of him to the bridge, the way she'd fought back tears but remained stoic and steadfast when he'd made her and Ovi run for the helicopter. He can even remember what her hand felt like wrapped around his; how strong and firm her grip at been, even though her heart had been breaking.

Yet there's times where it's just too overwhelming. Where it feels as if the weight of that moment is sitting squarely on his chest and shoulders. Where the sounds and the sounds and even the smells are so vivid that they make him physically ill. It's been five and a half years and he is still trying to piece it all together; the moments after Fahrad had nearly killed him. It is still so foggy. Events completely out of order. Was he really recalling things or was he just so desperate to remember that his brain had made shit up and convinced him it was the truth?

It's one of the hard days. He'd felt it the moment he'd forced himself out of bed. A foul, dark mood settling in when the pain hit with full force; reminding him of just how broken and beat up he really is. After that, things had just gone to shit. The emotional phone call with the kids, having to ask Mark for help, the way he'd come so close to choking the life out Michael McMann. It had been right there in front of him; the chance to take someone's life. And for once he'd actually wanted to do it. For no other than reason than he could.

“You don't have to talk about,” Esme assures him, her voice soft, understanding. Her chin resting on his chest, those dark eyes looking up at him. Those eyes that are filled with so much love and adoration. Trust. “I know you don't like talking about it. That it's not easy for you some days.”

“I just want to remember,” he says. “I need to remember.”

“Why? I've told you everything that happened after that point. What more is there to know?”

He wants to remember the look on her face. As he lay dying in her arms. He wants to know what he said to her. What he was thinking as he choked on his own blood and all she could do was watch it happen. And maybe he even needs to know if she regrets it. Holding on as hard as she had. When it would have just been so much easier on her if she'd just let him go.

“Everything,” he says. “There's so much missing.”

“There's really not though,” she gently insists. “I've told you everything. I've filled in those blanks. I don't know what more there is to tell you.”

“I would have been easier. On you. If you'd just let me die.”

She blinks. Startled by the words.

“You shouldn't have stayed. You should have just left. With Nik and Ovi. You should have just got into the helicopter...”

“Stop,” she orders. “Just stop. We are not having this conversation. You are not saying the things you are saying. You're having a shit day. I get it. I've been with you through all your shit days. Where the pain is horrible and your brain is muddled and foggy and you think you're going crazy. When you forget things...even the little things...and it frustrates the hell out of you. I've been with you every step of the way. I've been beside you through all of that. And it sucks and I hate that you have go through it. But goddamnit, Tyler. Don't ever say those things.”

“If you'd just left me there, think about much easier your life would have been. The things you wouldn't have had to go through. All the days and nights at the hospital. All the times you had to take care of me because I couldn't do it myself. The fact I couldn't even be there with you through most your pregnancy with Millie because the fucking rehab and the fucking pain and...”

“I wasn't going to leave you there. I wasn't leaving Dhaka without you. And you were leaving alive and I was going to make sure of that. I didn't expect it to be easy. I stayed because I wanted to. Not because I felt had to. And I did it all again. In a heartbeat. The same way you'd do it for me if it came down to it. Please...Tyler...” she reaches up to brush her knuckles across his cheek. “...don't say these things. I know you're having a rough time. I know you're struggling. But had I not stuck around, we wouldn't be here right now. If I'd taken off, there's a chance you would have never even known you were a dad again. You probably never would have known about Millie. Isn't that worth it? The fact that you have this beautiful little girl that adores you and worships the ground you walk on. Doesn't that make it all worth it?”

“Of course it does.”

“And not just her. But your sons. Had I not stuck around, they wouldn't even exist. Is that really what you want? To turn back time and have me leave you there? Knowing what you do now, what you have now, can you honestly say that I should have just let you die?”

“That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying I wish I was dead. I'm not saying I'd go back and change things and make sure I died. I'm saying I wish things had never been so hard on you.”

“So they were hard. So what? I don't regret sticking around. So why are so adamant about holding onto all this guilt inside of you? Why do you keep thinking I have all these regrets or that I hate you? I gave my life up willingly. So I could have a different one. With you. I don't hate you for that. For anything. And I know things suck. I know you have some really shitty days. But you're my best friend and my lover and my confidant. The father of my children. And I'm here to help you through all of it.”

“But you shouldn't have to,” he points out. “You shouldn't...”

“Would you walk away and abandon me if something happened and I was going through serious shit? Would you just throw in the towel and walk away?”

“Of course not. You know I wouldn't.”

“Then why do you think I should? I took the same vows you did, Tyler. So shove that toxic masculinity bullshit your father handed down to you up your ass and just let me love you, for fuck sakes.”

He can't help but laugh at that. The look of utter disdain on her face. Those narrowed eyes and that furrowed brow and the absolute vehemence in her voice. She's always been feisty as hell; never shy to share whatever is on her mind, never afraid of confrontation, never showing any real fear.

“You're like this little pissed off mouse,” he chides. “You try to come off so mean and bad ass and you're so small I could pick you up and carry you in my pocket.”

“Oh fuck you,” she's grinning as she says it. “Just because you're freakishly tall!”

“And you're freakishly small. You tiny folk are full of rage. Don't take it on us normal people because you can't ride the big rides at the amusement park.”

“You're such a dick,” she grumbles, and he lays a hand on the back of her head and pulls her into a kiss.

“Come here...” he tangles his fingers in her hair, drawing her face down onto his chest.

“You're lucky I love you,” she says.

“Yeah,” he grins. “I am.”

“I know things have been hard lately. I know you're struggling, Tyler. And I don't pretend to know what's going on in your head. And you're not exactly the most forthcoming person about those things...”

“I hate living like this,” he confesses. “I hate being like this. I hate being the way I am.”

“That's a start. What way? What is your brain telling you to say?”

“That's the problem. It doesn't know what it wants to say. There's all kind of things running around in there and then I think I have them sorted out but when it comes down to actually saying them...”

“It's like the words don't match up with what was in your head?”

He nods.

“The doctor said it would happen. From the blood loss and the lack of oxygen. You coded three times in the OR. They almost didn't get you back the second time. He said you'd have days like this. Where things don't make sense.”

“But it's not days. It's weeks. It's months. It's years.”

“And then there's days and weeks and months where you're fine and your brain cooperates. So...”

“It's getting worse,” he admits. “The traffic jam in there. There's days I can't even think straight.”

“They said it could happen. That it could be progressive.”

“So what? I end up a complete fucking vegetable by the time I'm fifty?”

“There's therapy you can get. Meds you can take. Things that will help. You're not going to end up a vegetable. They said early onset dementia. Maybe. It doesn't mean it's going to happen.”

“I don't want any more meds. I'm on meds for pain, meds for inflammation, meds for depression, meds for anxiety. I'm fucking so sick of having to drug myself up just to get out of bed in the goddamn morning. Just to function at fifty percent.”

“You're way too hard on yourself,” she laments. “You've come a long way, Tyler. Think of where you were five and a half years ago. Hooked up to machines keeping you alive. You've come so far and you keep getting better and I love you so much and I'm so proud of you.”

He hears the emotion in her voice. The truth in every word. “I don't want to end up not even remembering you or my kids,” he says. “I don't want to end up that bad. Like a fucking infant. Where I don't remember this. This life. You and I. I don't want to end up like that.”

“You won't,” she assures him. “We won't let things get that far.”

“Because I'd put a gun in my fucking mouth and spare you and the kids.”

She heaves a heavy sigh. “That's not going to happen and you know it. You're so strong, Tyler. Stronger than you ever give yourself credit for. I'm not giving up on you. So why would you give up on yourself?”

“You have way too much faith in me.”

“And you have way too little,” she places her chin on his chest once again, reaches up to push his hair out of his eyes. “We're in this together. I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not letting you go anywhere either. I know how much you hurt. Inside and outside. And you know I'd do anything to take that all away.”

“Yeah...” he combs his fingers through her hair, loops strands behind her ears. “...I know you would.”

“Just let me love you,” she says. “That's all I want. It's been five and a half years and sometimes you still won't let me in.”

“It's not you. Believe me. It's not. And I'm glad you stuck around. On that bridge.”

“I wasn't leaving you there, Tyler. I wasn't going to just let you die because you felt you had nothing left. Because you felt you didn't deserve to live. Now look. Look at all the reasons you have for sticking around. Four very important reasons that love you beyond all comprehension. If you don't stick around for me, at least do it for them. They need you. More than I do. They need their dad. And they're going to need you even more as they get older.”

“Why are you talking like it's just going to be me? Like I'm going to be the only one raising them? Are you planning on going somewhere or...” he lets the words trail off. He can't bring himself to even think it, let alone say it. The thought of her not in his life...in their kids' lives...is too agonizing to bare.

“I don't mean it in a fatalistic way. I mean, in general. They're boys. They're just little right now but one day they're going become young men and they're not going to want to go to mommy with everything. They're going to want their dad for that stuff. There's things that you'll be able to handle a lot better than I will. Guy stuff. And I swear to Christ if you die on me and leave me to talk about masturbation and condoms and all that, I will dig you up, bring you back to life, and kill you all over again.”

He chuckles. “Can we not even talk about these things right now? I am totally not prepared for any of that stuff.”

“You had to talk about that stuff with Ovi.”

“That's different. He's not mine. He's not my blood. When I think about talking about those things with my kids...the kids I helped make...well I'd just rather not.”

“It's going to happen. You're going to have to explain wet dreams and morning wood and why they have to wrap it before they tap it and...”

He groans. “Can you not? Can you not bring this stuff up?”

“For a man that's so into sex and so comfortable and confident with his own sexual abilities, you'd think you wouldn't be such a prude.”

“I'm not a prude. I just don't like thinking about my sons that way. They're four years old. The other one's just a baby still.”

“You're right. Millie will get her period and a boyfriend and want to go on birth control before any of that happens.”

“For fucks sakes,” he grimaces. “That's even worse to think about.”

“She's going to be a heart breaker you know. With those eyes? She's going to be beating the boys off with a stick.”

“Esme...please...”

“She gets it from you, you know. She's going to be so smooth with the boys.”

Sighing, he shakes his head.

“I know she's your little princess. That she's a daddy's girl. But one day you're going to have some boy coming to you wanting to marry her.”

“Fuck that. I'm saying no.”

“And she's going to be madly in love with him and there's not going to be a thing you can do about it.”

“I can lock her in her room. Until she's thirty.”

“And then she runs away with him?”

“Do you forget what I do for a living? There wouldn't be anywhere she can hide where I won't find her. Where I won't find him and beat his ass.”

“Baby...” she's grinning as she sits up, tucking her hair behind her ears. “...your little girl is going to grow up whether you like it or not. And she just may bring someone home that is exactly like you.”

He frowns.

“That's not a bad thing!” she scolds. “I think she'd be lucky to find someone like you. If someone came into her life and reminded her of her daddy. Because you're so good with her, Tyler. You're so good with all of them. You're strong and you're patient and you just love them so much. You're so different when you're at home. When you're not on the job.”

“Is that bad or...”

“It's good,” she assures him with a smile, and then leans over him, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. “It's so very good.”

****

It reminds of him being back in high school; when he'd show up at his very first girlfriend's under the guise of doing homework together and instead they'd spent the entire time making out on the basement couch. Clothes remaining on the entire time, yet working yourself into a sweat trying to get each other off as quickly and successfully as possible. Only now there's no worry of parents suddenly deciding to come down and check on things. No annoying little siblings to ruin the mood.

The thrill is still there though. The burning desire that sits low in your groin and the small of your back, just waiting for the chance to explode. Aggressive, hungry kisses; tongues deep in each others mouths, hands pulling at clothes to get them out of the way. And his mouth is on the side of her neck...sucking and biting and licking...when his fingers find the button on her jeans, snapping it open and then sliding his hand down the front of them.

She gives a long, content sigh when the tips of two fingers rub against her; teasing through the thin cotton of her panties.

“Feel good?” he asks, beard scrapping against the skin of her throat.

“So good,” she replies, her voice soft, dreamy. Totally lost in the moment.

It's so simple yet so erotic. Their fully clothed bodies rubbing against each other, the long, deep, toe curling kisses, the ragged breathing, the exploring hands. And a whimper leaves her when he rubs at her clit, still not removing the barrier of fabric.

Her hands slip up the back of his t-shirt; fingers and palms travelling over the muscles in his back, finding the various scars that mar his skin, tracing the Nordic tattoo that sits between his shoulders. Sliding around to his sides; nails lightly dragging down his ribs, one hand sliding to his stomach to trace the outline of his ab muscles while the other moves to his belt. Effortlessly unbuckling it, then making short work of the button and zipper. And he groans against her neck when her hand slides into his boxer briefs when he feels those cool, soft fingers made contact with his cock. He's painfully hard; and her fingertips trace every vein along the shaft for her hand closes around it.

“You feel so good,” she whispers into his ear; breath warm and hot. And he shudders against her when she traces the outer edge with the tip of her tongue and her teeth nip at the lobe. “You feel so good, Tyler.”

The way she says his name. With that hint of desperation and need. And he pulls back to look at her; her cheeks flushed, hair falling into her face, breathing ragged. Pressing a series of soft, short pecks to her lips before his mouth moves along her jaw and down onto the side of her throat. Fingers pushing aside the damp crotch of her underwear, two finger tips pressing against her clit, the sensation making cry out and arch her back.

“Oh god...” she whimpers, when he nips along the soft skin of her throat, biting down with more pressure just as he slides his fingers inside of her. Pushing them as far as they possibly can go. And her free hand tangles in his hair as the other begins to work in earnest; jerking him off in a slow, steady past that his shaking against her.

“Fuck...” he breathes against her collarbone, stunned by how quick she's able to get such a powerful reaction out of him. Normally he's able to hold it together longer; his stamina far surpassing hers. But he's already on edge; that familiar tightness gathering in the pit of his stomach and the small of his back. “You are so good at this...” he manages through gritted, teeth, heading falling forward and resting on her collarbone. “...so fucking good...” And he knows there's a pleased, victorious grin on her face. It's very rare that she gets to hold all the power.

He increases the speed and power behind his fingers; determined not to come before her. His eyes, teeth clenched, mentally chasing all thought of completion out of his mind as he concentrates on pleasing her. Rubbing his thumb against her clit; fast yet smooth circles that has her whimpering and squirming and closing her thighs in order to increased the sensation. He kisses her; skimming the tip of his tongue along the roof of her mouth, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth and biting down ever so slightly. Fingers fucking her hard now, until she's a begging, pleasing mess and her hips are matching every moment.

“Come for me,” he whispers into her ear. “I want you to come for me.”

That's all it takes. The sound of his voice partnered with the movements of his fingers and tongue. Her entire body arching off the bed and his name erupting from her lips.

He licks and sucks her fluid from his fingers, then slips them into her mouth. Allowing her to taste herself. “See how good you taste?” he asks. “So fucking good. You wonder why I like going down on you so much. That's why.”

Her eyes never leave his as she sucks on his fingers; his cock growing impossibly harder. And even through the convulsions and contractions that the aftermath of her orgasm leads behind, she still continues to torture him. Her hand tight around his shaft, moving slowly up to the head and back down again. Repeating the simply yet torturous movement until his head falls forehead to once more rest on her collarbone. Eyes closed as he gives in the sensation being created by that small, soft hand.

He's dangerously close. And this isn't how he wants it to end. “Stop,” he says, and reaches between them to still her hand. “You're gonna make me cum.”

“That's the point,” she retorts, and attempts to push his hand away.

“Not like this. I don't want to cum like this. I want to come inside of you.”

She removes her hands from his pants and wraps both arms around his neck, pulling him into a long, deep kiss. Her tongue pushing past his teeth and into his mouth as he hurriedly pushing his jeans and boxers over his hips and down his ass, until they come to rest just bellow his knees. Not even bothering to remove her underwear entirely, just shoving the crotch aside and pushing into her with one strong, solid thrust.

“Tyler...” she's gripping at his hair again, nails painfully digging into his scalp. “Fuck me. Please fuck me.”

He gives her what she wants. What he needs. All the frustration and the worry of the day pouring out of him through every hard, bruising thrust that he unleashes on her. The fabric of her underwear rubbing against his balls and adding an even heightened sensation. And he continues to fuck her until she's once more coming undone; crying out into his mouth as he kisses her, her entire body tensing against his. And the squeezing and the pulsating of those internal muscles bring on his own orgasm. Hips snapping forward and pressing into her; a long drawn out 'fuck' tumbling from his lips as he releases inside of her. Hot, thick spurt after spurt of cum. Her wet, tight pussy milking him over every ounce.

She wraps her arms around his neck and holds him close; keeping him as deep as possible inside of her. His head resting in the crook of her neck, chest heaving against hers. It takes several minutes for him to recuperate, pulling away and smiling down at her as he presses a series of feathery pecks to her lips.

“I love you,” he breathes. “So much.”

She smiles, then places a hand on the back of his head and encourages him to nestle her face against her neck once more.

“I love you, too.”

*****

He lies there for several minutes, enjoying the feeling of her fingers in his hair, the press of her warm body against his, the smell of sweat and sex that lingers in the air. Until she begins to squirm underneath him; smaller and lighter body unable to bear his full weight any longer. And he gives her one last kiss before rolling over onto his back. Exhaling deeply, draping a forearm over his eyes, other hand sitting on his stomach.

“You okay?” she asks, an amused tone to her voice. “You were a little...unhinged...there...”

“Too rough?”

“No. You never are,” she says, and presses a kiss to his cheek.

He highly doubts that. Sometimes he isn't aware of his own strength and power. And he's seen the bruises he's left behind on some occasions.

“You were perfect,” she assures him, and places a kiss on his shoulder before laying down beside him; her hand resting over his. “You always are. That's one thing I've never had to worry about. Teaching you how to do things. You just knew. Right from the very beginning.”

“You were a good student. You made my job easy. There wasn't much you weren't willing to try.”

“I even let you go where no other man has gone before.”

He smirks. “Third night in. That has to be some kind of record.”

“For you?”

“For any guy. It's not that...popular.”

“Well, in all fairness, it's an exit only for most people.”

“Fuck sakes,” he chuckles. “Really?”

“I'm just saying,” she laces her fingers through his, and he removes his arm from over his eyes and wraps it around her. Dropping a kiss on her head, resting his hand on her shoulder. The white gold of his wedding band cool and smooth against her skin. “We should go out,” she suggests.

“Where? We're not supposed to be seen together, remember?”

“It sounds so scandalous, don't you think? Like we're up to no good? Like I'm your side piece or something.”

“You can pretend to be anything you want if it turns you on,” he teases.

“You're too good at what you do. I don't need to pretend to be anything. But we should. Go out. Like a date. When's the last time we went out on a date?”

He honestly doesn't remember. Did they ever really date? At least in the true sense of the word? Dhaka was all sex. Pure and simple. It wasn't exactly the time or place to start a relationship. And then he'd been in the hospital and recovery for months and she'd been pregnant with Millie. After that they'd just thrown themselves into marriage and raising a family.

“You were pregnant,” he says. “With Millie. Like, almost fully pregnant.”

“I was a beached whale,” she laments.

“You were beautiful. I mean, you always are. But you're even more beautiful when you're pregnant.”

“You're biased.”

“Maybe a little. But it doesn't mean it isn't true.” There's something about it; watching the person you love grow bigger and bigger with your child. Feeling the baby move and kick inside of them. Knowing what it's doing to their body but they selfishly make the sacrifices in order to bring another human being into the world. A human you had a hand in creating.

“Maybe the last one will be another girl,” she muses.

“Why would you wish that kind of hell on me? Isn't one enough?”

“You are an incredible girl dad. You're a great dad to begin with. But you're amazing at taking care of a little girl. There's something so cute about it. You're this big, strong, powerful guy and you're right in there doing her hair and putting her in dresses and all kinds of other stuff no one would expect a guy like you to be doing.”

“She's my daughter. Why wouldn't I do it? I do draw the line at the tiara though. She hasn't broken me yet.”

Esme laughs. “Oh she will. She has you wrapped around her little finger. Since the moment she was born and you held her first and she looked up at you with those big blue eyes and stopped crying.”

He smiles as he remembers that moment. When the nurse had placed the newborn in his arms with a “Here's your little girl, daddy.” He'd already been reduced to tears by that point; he'd been on tour in Iraq when Austin had been born, and he'd never thought he'd get a chance to have other kids. So being there...seeing his child brought into the world...had been an overwhelming experience. And Millie had looked up at him with those eyes...his eyes...and the second he spoke to her, stopped crying. That was it. She's had even wrapped around her finger ever since.

“Another girl would be nice,” Esme continues. “There is way too much testosterone in our house. You've got enough testosterone for everyone. You'd think that would be enough. But your sons are just like you. Even Declan. Minus the hair.”

“I still can't quite figure that one out. Strawberry blond how?”

“Genetics, I guess. Everyone in my family is dark, so it came from your side somewhere. You were pretty fair haired as a kid and you have a lot of red in it even now. I guess things could go a little wonky and we could get a strawberry blond kid out of it.”

“A little wonky,” he chuckles. “You're a little wonky.”

“You married me so what does that say about you?”

“That I'm a glutton for punishment?”

“Baby, I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you and you know it.”

“Yeah...” he grins. “...you are.”

“It would be nice, don't you think? Having another girl?”

“Define nice in this situation. I already have my hands full with the two females I already have in my life. Why would you want to add another one? Why would you do me like that?”

“You can bitch and moan and all you want. But you love having a little girl. You can go around pretending to be all macho and tough and all that, but deep down, you love having a female that bosses you around and runs the show.”

“I'm confused. Are we talking about Millie or you now?”

“She is far more bossy than I am.”

“Where do you think she gets it from?”

“Oh please, Tyler. You are the bossiest or all the bossy people. You are the boss of them all. The CEO. Don't play innocent. If you're not in control of every single situation and thing that goes on, you can not deal with it. You are way worse than I am. Don't even try and deny it.”

He considers it. “Okay. I'll give you that.”

“She is totally your child. Head to toe. Inside and out. They all are. Which just burns my ass. How did all four end up being just like you? I don't understand it. Even with Declan's hair, he still looks just like you. How did this happen? How did I do all the work and every single one come out looking like you and acting like you?”

“Strong genes.”

“Extremely strong genes. Maybe you used up all your genes on the first four and the last one will come out looking just like me.”

“Why would you wish that on the poor kid?” he teases.

“You're an asshole,” she grumbles, but then laughs when he playfully tousles her hair. “I'm telling you right now though, if we end having another set of twins, I will castrate you. I'm not even joking. That will be it for you. You'll be getting this...” she holds up her hand, mimicking scissors opening and closing.

“I already said I'd get the snip after the last one. No need to threaten cutting the whole thing off. We still want to be able to have fun, yeah?”

“Good point,” she says, and settles her head against his chest once more. “I do think you should take me out on a date though. I mean, we'd have to drive pretty far to get to a place where no one will recognize you.”

“That's no big deal.”

“Is that a yes? Are you succumbing to my female wiles? Did you just agree to take me out on a date?”

He grins and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Get dressed.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #chris hemsworth character #sanctuary

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alittleyellowdinosaur · 4 years

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TUA Thought Experiment

So last night I started thinking, what would the Umbrella Academy be like with alternate powers? Still a massive fuck up? Obviously. But how would their personalities change? I got a little invested in the thought experiment, so I decided, I want to write a fic about this. I want one that follows the show as closely as possible, but very different at the same time. And I thought I’d share my thought process on how I got their powers and how I got the changes to personality that would come with those. So... Enjoy! (This gets long, js)

The Powers

To pick what powers they’d have, I wanted to do something directly opposite to their current powers... Only to realize that, for everyone but Luther, Five and Klaus, I was stumped on how to do that. Is there a direct opposite to throwing shit good? no, no there isn’t. So I decided, let’s start in an opposite-like direction, and go from there. Here’s what I decided:

Luther: Super speed. I think that’s a fairly easy leap from super strength.

Diego: i started with, okay, he can throw good, so maybe he can... catch good? But that’s not so much a power, just a baseball player. To make it a bit more power-y, I decided, okay, he’s got magnetism, but only for already magnetic things (like not just all metal like Magneto. I’m not making Diego all powerful guys.) So he can like, call magnetic objects to him sort of thing. i’ll make it work.

Allison: Changing reality with her voice doesn’t have a clear opposite, which sucked. I thought about cancelling things with her voice, but she can do that already so it’s not alternate powers enough. In the end I decided mind reading. Since I do want the fic to follow the main story closely (to a point), I figure being able to read minds will get a similar enough backstory for Allison to work with (ie her manipulative personality)

Klaus: Klaus was easy. If he can see dead people, then the opposite would be to prevent dead people. So he can heal people. This caused problems with Ben, but I’ll get to him in a minute. I thought about having opposites of his comics powers (levitation and telekinesis), but that got too complicated so he’s just going to have healing abilities.

Five: Five can time travel, so what’s sort of the opposite of that? Stopping time, a la the Handler. This then posed the problem of ‘where did he go for all those years and how does he know the future?’ so I added clairvoyance into the mix, which I’ll explain later. If Klaus can canonically (in the comics) have multiple powers, Five can to. Fuck off.

Ben: Here’s the tricky one. I wanted Ben to still be a part of the story, but if Klaus can heal then he can’t see Ben’s ghost. I thought about Klaus being able to see the dead people he couldn’t heal, but that’s too similar to canon. So then, maybe Klaus healed him before he died? But then he wouldn’t hang out with Klaus all the time and it’d change too much. I considered making Ben’s powers allow him to be present, maybe able to appear in dreams or instead of having an eldritch monster in him, he was an eldritch monster (hence this going here in the post, not later). In the end, I decided that Ben would still be dead, Klaus wouldn’t be able to see him, and for powers he’d keep the tentacles. Since he’s not a real player in the story himself, I didn’t feel the need to change that.

Vanya: I wasn’t sure what powers to give Vanya, as apocalyptic telekinesis doesn’t have a clear opposite, and I still want it to be apocalypse causing. In the end, I decided she could get earth powers. Yes i know, kind of basic and ambiguous, but I was trying to think of “how can she destroy the earth/the moon” and well, the moon is rock, the earth is rock, she gets to control rocks. I’m still going to have sound/music center it, because the violin is just too central to Vanya’s character for me to fuck with it.

---

The Effects

So we’ve got the new powers, great, great, but how do they affect the characters? How do their backstories change? As I mentioned with Allison, I’m trying to keep this similiar-ish to the canon (so Klaus is still going to be a depressing disaster, just a major trigger warning for him). Obviously things changed, but we’re going to keep it as close to the same as possible.

Luther: Luther is probably the most similar to canon, in that nothing really changes. He still gets the leader complex, still gets turned into a buff monkey (since I think that was mostly the serum not his powers at play), only with that bit he becomes much more clumsy and shit because he’s not used to running with that bulk. He still gets sent to the moon too. Woo hoo.

Diego: Again Diego is fairly similar. Stutter, rivalry with Luther, mommy’s boy, all the same. Still goes to the police academy and meets Eudora and fights crime in kink gear. Only difference I see obvious is he probably uses a magnetized knife or bullets or something to fight since he can call it back/manipulate it’s path.

Allison: She still got really manipulative as a kid, always knowing what people were thinking and such. Since I headcannon that Reginald trained her into thinking she can only change reality with “i heard a rumor” even though she could do it anyways, as like a way to control her, I think he likely did the same with mind reading. So say, now she can only do it when touching someone even if she technically doesn’t need to. She still likely got to be a super star by always knowing what they were looking for/blackmailing, snagged Patrick by being everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend, and manipulated her daughter leading to the divorce and losing custody. Now she wears gloves and long sleeves to prevent touching someone since she doesn’t want to read minds anymore.

Klaus: Again, trigger warning, this one gets dark. Since he could heal, and his family was being put into dangerous situation when they were like, 10, he probably had immense pressure put on him from family, Reggie, and himself. I imagine for training, Reggie would bring him to hospitals where he’d have to see and heal domestic violence victims, terminally ill children, attempted suicides, burn victims, etc, just horrible things from the time he was young. Reggie probably also hurt him to see if he could heal himself, possibly Grace helping as she could cause pain without permanent damage, and possibly also hurt his siblings for added punishment/’motivation.’ With the pressure and the memories of those he couldn’t save and his siblings suffering, he turned to self harm and self destructive tendencies rather than drugs, as ‘punishment’ for failing. When Ben died and Klaus was unable to save him, he tried to kill himself, only for it not to work as his healing ability kicked in before he could die (see your bitch still got that immortality in there!) Instead he turned to really terrible self destructive tendencies. He wound up in mental health hospitals a LOT which just made things worse as he was surrounded by depressed people who he couldn’t help since he can’t heal mental illness, but he’s still got that ‘i must save everyone or i am worthless’ mindset Reggie gave him. I’ve got more for him, but I kind of want to save some of it for the fic, as he will be the POV character (obvi.)

Five: Got a vision of the future apocalypse that he tried convince Reginald to take seriously, but he didn’t since Five didn’t get many details except the date (which as we know Reggie already knew). Since Reggie was no help, he left to find out more and stop it on his own, got picked up by the Commission pretty soon after leaving (do you think they WOULDN’T want a person who could stop time/see how different deaths would affect the timeline without long math problems/was crazy smart and excellent at killing? No, they’d swoop him up as soon as he was away from Reggie). He’d eventually come back when he figured out how to tamper with the briefcase they gave him to make it untraceable. Problem was he messed part of it up and it turned him young again (though he was never as old as he got in the series). Delores was another person at the Commission who helped him out. No mannequin fucking in my good Christian household today you hear me?

Ben: Dead. Torn apart by the tentacles and unable to be healed by Klaus because it’s hard to reattach shredded bodies even with powers. Luther pressured him into using his powers that day, but everyone told him it was okay, so they all feel like they share the blame. I think Klaus probably had a feeling it wouldn’t be...

Vanya: Caused an earthquake as a kiddo when she had to eat oatmeal. Reggie got annoyed because how dare a four year old have a temper tantrum and put her on medication. She got ignored except for by Ben and Five. So about the same.

The Fic

I haven’t actually started writing the fic yet, again this was just the brainstorming/thought experiment I had at... midnight? one am? Somewhere around then. If you are interested in the idea of this fic, or have any ideas on their powers/plot ideas, please please please leave me a reply or send an ask!! I’d love some feedback and ideas. Whenever I start posting I’ll post the link here as well as on my writing blog @elliot-orion. Thanks for reading!

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #diego hargreeves #fanfiction #fanfic #brainstorm #ao3 #gerard way

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azuremist · 5 years

Text

Title: Not Today

Fandom: Professor Layton

Characters: Henry, Randall, Angela, Hershel, briefly mentioned noncanon therapist

Pairing: (Presumably one-sided) RanHen

Words: 2,687

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, self-hatred, character death, violence on inanimate objects, divorce mention. (Ask to add more!)

Summary: Henry reflects how he falls for his best friend, Randall Ascot, along with Randall’s death, and how it affects his life today. Takes place before Miracle Mask.

Taglist: @lukeowotriton

Reblogs > Likes!

You know, everyone expects me to be moving on soon. In all honesty, I doubt that. But, at the very least, if I’m moving on someday, that day isn’t today, that’s for sure.

I don’t remember when I first met him. I was young, in my defense, but how weird is that to think about? How can the memory of the moment that changed my life forever be fuzzy around the edges, much less blurred out of sight?

I do remember what lead up to it. Mother divorced Father, despite my father being the breadwinner. Left devoid of cash, my mother decided to take up the role of a servant, and she even had me working as a young, young child, in order to get extra money. I remember holding onto her dress on my way to the Ascot household for the first time, and I remember her saying that I would serve their son in particular. But… It stops once the door is opened.

I’m positive I just saw him for what he was. A kid who wore his bedhead like it was a trendy style, with freckles and a horrible sense of fashion. And he was the person who I would be serving for; so I disregarded him as a person, and registered him as a boss.

I’d heard my mother complain about serving Randall’s parents; how demanding they were and such. I couldn’t deny that she looked exhausted all of the time. So, I expected the same experience with this redheaded boy… But I guess I forgot one crucial thing. He was just that; a boy.

I constantly asked him if he needed something, and the most he ever asked of me was a glass of water. Otherwise, he would just smile at me. The requests he usually gave me were along the lines of, “Hehe, I ‘command’ you to play robots with me!” Randall didn’t really want much, it seemed, except for a friend.

That was alright with me. My father never called, and mother tended to be busy, other than the occasional scolding for me. So, from young boys, Randall and I grew close. Going on what he claimed was ‘adventures’, when, in reality, we were just going across the street to get some pop. In his own way, though… He did make everything into an adventure. Singing a tune from some action movie, holding my hand as he ran ahead… It made life with him have color. Every time he spoke, I felt him wiping away the monochrome hue from my eyes, and I could see the world as colorful as it was.

Mother only had that small house to keep me separate from work as a baby. So, with no need for that any longer, the Ascot residence became my new home. Every night was like a sleepover; and when I got nightmares, I passed up my mother’s sleeping area in favor for Randall’s room, where he let me climb into his bed and snuggle up close. He was warm. And I fell asleep by focusing on trying to make our breathing match.

Those early times were scary sometimes. I was a child who had a job, who had to work to provide for my mother and myself. I was always scared of messing up, especially because of my mother’s strictness… But when I was with Randall, I felt safe. I was able to feel like a child again. The world was colorful.

And that’s how it was for a long, long time. Just the two of us, unable to be torn apart. When I talked to him, or… Just listened; just listened to him talk about fossils and treasure with that wonderful glimmer in his eye… I felt like I was in a bubble of white light, protecting us from the scary outside world and the looming threat of growing up.

Then, around… Oh… Middle school, maybe, Randall brought home another friend. Hershel Layton.

I didn’t dislike Hershel, don’t mistake me here. He was kindhearted and quiet, and helped keep Randall in line when I couldn’t. But, suddenly, it wasn’t just Randall and I anymore. There was this intruder trying to break into our bubble. Even looking back on it now, I wouldn’t say I was jealous… I was just panicked about the change. Things were changing again, and at the time I wanted them to change the least.

Something important you have to know is that, back when I was a child… Well, ‘the gays’ were talked about sparingly, especially when it came to rich people like the Ascots. But I sometimes overhead Randall’s father talking about his ‘sick brother’. I assumed this mystery brother had a cancer of some kind; which would explain his live-in male roommate. Some sort of doctor, maybe…?

But, over time, I pieced together what was really happening. Randall’s uncle was sick in the head. Mentally ill. He was in love with his roommate… His male roommate. Gross, right?

But when I heard about this, my stomach twisted. I felt like throwing up. I didn’t know that this ‘sickness’ was possible; that it was physically possible to like another boy. But now that I knew it was possible, I couldn’t help but wonder…

Was I sick, too?

Was this sickness behind the feeling of safety I felt around Randall? Was this why, when Randall smiled, it felt like something warm spilt in my heart, and why when he laughed (full-on snort-laughed), I felt like I would give a kidney to hear it again? Was this why I felt my face go hot when he touched my skin? Was this not a strong feeling of friendship and platonic companionship, like I had thought?

I had to know more. Was this sickness going to cause me harm? Would it affect anything else as I grew up? My vision, my hearing? What was happening to me?

What was wrong with me?

I was wondering all of this when Hershel came along. Change was the last thing I needed at that time… But there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to put a lid on my feelings, and shove them into a dark corner of my heart.

Even if I was sick, wouldn’t it be selfish to ever want to date Randall when being his friend was basically the best thing that ever happened to me?

Then high school hit, and on came puberty. And suddenly, girls were all Randall could talk about.

He talked about all sorts of girls. He talked about the blonde girl who he liked, and the girl with pretty eyes who flirted with him. More and more, especially loud when other people were around. I expected these feelings to come to me, too, sometime soon. Maybe this sickness of mine could be grown out of?

No. It only got worse with age.

While Randall drooled over girls, all I could notice were boys. How they talked, how they moved… I was going absolutely, positively boy-crazy. And that was a problem when there was a very kindhearted, and very, very handsome boy within the range of my home, at literally all times.

I wish I could say I just began to notice how nice he was, because that would be less embarrassing, but it was more than that. It was how his muscles moved under his shirt, and how he smelled like pine trees and the outdoors. But not in a gross way… In a nice way. It was how his skin was dusted with sweet freckles and how he showed his gums when he smiled. I saw all of it, and I couldn’t try to deny to myself anymore that I was head-over-heels, stupidly, helplessly in love with my best friend, Randall Ascot.

Do you know what it’s like to live with the person you love? It’s like living with fire. You want to get close… You’re so memorized by its every flicker and glow. But it’s dangerous… Because if you touch it. Well. You burn. But you can’t help but wonder how that beautiful fire; that beautiful, dangerous fire; feels on your skin.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to burn. I couldn’t tell him I was sick. Even if he was sick too… Where would that lead us? We would still be mentally ill. And would that mean I was dragging Randall down with me? And if I told him I was sick, and he was normal, then I would be absolutely ruined. Not only would I lose my best friend, but he would tell everyone. And I would be on the streets faster than you can say ‘rejection’. That’s what happened to Randall’s uncle, anyway…

I lived in constant fear. I hated myself. I hated myself so much, and I wanted to push it onto someone else. Anyone else. I was looking for someone to hate.

And then, Angela began to date Randall.

And it was like every cell in my body locked onto her, and said, “Yes. That one.”

It’s… Silly, looking back on it. Unlike Hershel, I was jealous of Angela. So jealous that I hated everything about her. I took out everything; my self-hatred, my confusion, my unrequited love; onto her. Well… That would imply that I was… Bullying her. I wasn’t. I internalized it all, just like before. But at least all of these feelings weren’t for myself.

The worst thing I would do is that I would interrupt whenever she and Randall got ‘alone time’. Because thinking about those two kissing, or doing anything beyond that, made me… Not angry… But sad. It was kind of pathetic… But I was still holding onto that hope, that silly little hope, that I might be Randall’s first kiss.

Thinking about Randall and I being together like that… Kissing… It made me feel like I was surrounded in warm, fluffy clouds.

Anyways, I didn’t do anything to Angela. I just wallowed in my own pathetic bitterness and my worries and my love, and it all molded together into a horrible, horrible goopy mess, lying in my stomach for most of my teenage years.

Yes, I eventually did learn to like Angela, once I figured out I was being incredibly silly about this whole thing. I was only hurting myself more by putting energy into hating someone who didn’t even do anything wrong. We bonded a lot over not only Randall, but also our common interests in books. And, with time, Hershel and Angela became a part of our bubble, and it didn’t feel as crowded anymore. I began to feel like, maybe… Maybe… Things were going to be okay.

I had it all planned. Randall would never have to know how I felt, and he would marry Angela, completely and utterly clueless. I would be his best man, and I would hand him off to Angela. Not because I loved him any less, but because I loved him so, so much. At least, this way, I would get to see him smile and laugh in the arms of someone who loved him like I did, rather than him finding out how I felt, and leaving me for good.

Then he died.

When we found out, Angela began to cry on the spot. But I went numb. My eyes wide, my mouth agape, and I felt absolutely, positively nothing.

It was on the way home that it hit me.

The love of my life, Randall Ascot, had fallen into a pit and died a painful, horrible death. We didn’t even know where his body was. It was likely covered in blood, lying limp, a shell of the wonderful boy it once was. I would never see his eyes again. I would never see him smile again, or laugh again. Randall… My sweet Randall… Was dead in a pit.

And now, I would go my entire life without kissing him, or telling him how much I loved him.

I went home alone that day. Angela and Hershel went somewhere, I can’t remember where. But once I was alone… In the house that he and I grew up in together…

I had, what Angela so lovingly called, a ‘Hen-rage attack’.

All of the feelings I had been trying to repress; sadness, stress, frustration, hatred, and the stinging loss of love; came up all at once in a violent outburst, and I absolutely wrecked the house that wasn’t even mine to begin with.

Screaming, crying, I broke furniture, punched walls, and threw china onto the ground. I went completely mad, taking out my fury on anything that dared be in my vision. My vision, by the way, was blurred, but everything looked red and everything felt hot. With every object I broke in that house, I only wanted to break more, and more, and more. And I screamed incoherent sentences, proclaiming how much I hated this, and how the love of my life was gone. Forever.

When I was done, I was covered in dust. My knuckles were bleeding profusely, and I tasted metal in my mouth, as well. And I was in the middle of all of this carnage, sobs violently going through my body. I didn’t feel any better. I thought this would help. But it didn’t.

Because Randall Ascot was still dead.

That feeling of helplessness… That is my motivation now.

I faked my marriage to Angela, so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I spent thousands of dollars of exploration missions so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I created and was the mayor of a whole city so I wouldn’t have to believe that Randall Ascot was dead. I worked hard every day, so I wouldn’t ever have to succumb to that horrible, horrible feeling ever again.

Is this denial? Was this just pushing off the inevitable time when I would have to accept Randall’s passing? Probably. Well, that’s what my therapist says, anyways.

Yes, Angela and I both went to therapy. Sometimes together, usually separately… And, every meeting, she would suggest ways to ‘move on’.

“Your whole life revolves around you living in your past,” she would say. “You need to live in the now.”

She suggested that I visit Randall’s grave every day, and talk to it like he was there. Then, after a month, I would tell him goodbye. I did that… But when the day came to say goodbye, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. That word… That simple ‘farewell’… It was stuck on my tongue, and choked my throat. I ended up leaving the gravestone without saying a word.

Then, she tried a different approach; she told Angela to take away the robot that Randall gave to me as a child, without telling me. Real great idea, that one. I went into a full-on rage again, and teared up the house trying to find the robot; my precious comfort item. Angela returned to a house that looked absolutely destroyed on the inside, and me in the middle of it, sobbing, and trying to retrace my steps of the past month on a piece of paper. Safe to say, that didn’t work.

Then, she suggested writing a letter to say goodbye to Randall. I like writing, so… I tried it.

So I sat at my desk, staring at a blank piece of paper. I licked my lips and began, ‘Dearest Randall.’

‘It’s just that…’ I erased that.

‘Do you remember…’ No good, either.

‘I think that…’ No, no, no.

None of it was good enough. None of it was enough to say how much I felt for him. Despite the wonderful, wide variety of words, there was simply no way to tell him exactly how I felt, in any language.

So, instead, I wrote this:

‘Dearest Randall,

You know, everyone expects me to be moving on soon. In all honesty, I doubt that. But, at the very least, if I’m moving on someday, that day isn’t today, that’s for sure.

Love until the last star dies,

Henry Ledore.’

#professor layton #ranhen #henry ledore #randall ascot #fanfic #azure does a thing

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vanishcd · 5 years

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[[ So i’m gonna post this whole thing but I just. NEED to analyze the entire discussion between Morrell and Stiles in Battlefield. Because its such important character stuff besides being INCREDIBLY well-written.

Included are my thoughts on my Stiles and my perspectives on how he thinks, especially when it comes to how ADHD/anxiety makes you perceive things. Likes are appreciated but PLEASE ask to reblog since this feels very personal for me and my muse

Stiles: You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's - it's actually kind of peaceful.

So this whole thing starts off with his anxiety. His way of describing things in details with both feelings and facts that makes it incredibly visceral and real. You can feel yourself underwater, you can imagine that moment he’s talking about. The pain and then the relief. (Fear and pain. Big threads in some of his emotional beats. He also FOCUSES in on those details when he’s afraid, classic anxiety symptom.)

Morrell: Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments Stiles: I don't feel sorry for him. Morrell: Can you feel sorry for the nine - year - old Matt who drowned? Stiles: Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one.

He has no sympathy for Matt. Not after what he’s done to everyone. Not for what Stiles perceives as a dumb, if awful, fluke and Matt’s personal offense/inability to get over it.

The punishment should fit the crime and his noting of "one by one" points out that Matt has been calculating this. For something ambiguous and one time, if traumatic. It's a conflict with Stiles' sense of what justice is. Matt also attacked him, his friends, Scott, his dad, and Melissa. That alone means Stiles can’t excuse, reason, forgive, or sympathize. But then--

Stiles: And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train.

here’s the thing. Despite having general/social anxiety and ADHD, Stiles isn't forgiving of mistakes/cruelty because of mental illness. Yes, even though he fully knows his own issues have caused shit. Even knowing it's a POWERFUL motivator. But he has a LOW opinion of someone who uses trauma/illness to lash out purely for revenge. Especially over something that as he said was the result of kids being stupid

Even without this, he would hate Matt simply for being a creepy af stalker, not only CREATING this delusion of him w Allison but ACTING ON IT. Anyone who pulls that shit is LOW. And it was toward one of his closest friends.

He also happens to be deflecting, talking about others instead of himself (which is of course the whole point of a counseling session). He’s not just rambling cause he’s angry/disgusted and has a tendency to. He’s JUSTIFYING himself through it, which means he’s on the defensive and doesn’t want to open up to Morrell.

Morrell: One positive thing came out of this, though. Right? Stiles: Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between [him and his dad]. I don't know. It's just like tension when we talk.

The first moment he opens up, maybe because the guilt of STILL not saying anything about the supernatural to his dad is TOO MUCH. It's one of the heaviest burdens he's carried. So even though Stilinski got his position as sheriff back, Stiles still feels like he's to blame.

Interesting thing to note is that the topic of his dad is the one thing he consistently opens up to people to. Showing vulnerability doesn't matter when it's his dads ANYTHING at stake. And he's ok showing that to Morrell both cause it's not focused on moving forward and his own feelings, but because it's actually something that he feels he needs help with. Because their relationship means too much.

The tension could also be alluding to the hallucination he had at Lydias party (despite the fact that he obviously doesn't TELL her about it) I can write a whole essay on that scene but the scene, real or not, clearly weighs on Stiles. And with anxiety, it's easy to fall into the mindset that your fears are real, they just aren't being SPOKEN. Even when you KNOW without a DOUBT that the person doesn't feel that way, it sticks in your mind and messes with your perception. Stiles is aware his perception could be skewed from stress.

Stiles: [Scott’s] got his own problems to deal with though: I don't think he's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal.

As Morrell is about to silently observe by asking about him, Stiles is once again deflecting the topic to everyone elses trauma and avoiding talking about how he feels. Just what he’s observed and his judgement about it. And his comments can be perceived as pretty neutral despite how much he cares for 3 of the 4 people who are going through hell with him.

Morrell: And what about you, Stiles? Feeling some anxiety about that championship game tomorrow night? Stiles: Why would you ask me that? Ah. Uh, no. I - I never actually play. But hey, since one of my teammates is dead and another one's missing, who knows, right?

AGAIN he deflects. He knows she's digging for “im feeling anxious” and admittance that HE isn't ok. And not only denies it on reflex but then takes the leading part and uses that for the topic. Again he talks about others and uses dry sarcasm to make himself more comfortable.

Morrell: You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you? Stiles: How come you're not taking any notes on this? Morrell: I do my notes after the session. Stiles: Your memory's that good?

Deflect; and this time because she doesnt give up, he turns the topic to HER. Most people will let you ramble about others but when you start making observations about THEM, particularly what they’re doing at the moment or their professionalism, they get defensive. Even if its a word or two, it’s enough to give him an “advantage”.

And it’s, as becomes the ultimate point, him fishing for time.

Morrell: How about we get back to you? Stiles? Stiles: --I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible's about to happen.

And there's the moment he finally breaks. He knows she's not gonna let him go, she's directly observing his anxiety. And there's a slight pause before she says his name. For the first time, shes directly giving him permission to speak, instead of asking prying questions. He could deny it. And he does, but in the obvious way that's just a lead in to his feelings.

He's at a point in the conversation and the situation that he doesn't have any other option. And even though his tone is harsh, it's honest. Because he's scared and suddenly realizes they covered everyone, and no one is left to help.

Morrell: It's called hyper - vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat. Stiles: But it's not just a feeling, though. It's - it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe. Morrell: Like you're drowning? Stiles: Yeah. Morrell: So if you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, what if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in? Stiles: You do anyway. It's a reflex. Morrell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right? Stiles: Not much time. Morrell: But more time to fight your way to the surface? Stiles: I guess.

He has a way with words. He's been rambling this whole time. But his description of a panic attack is the last vivid bit for several lines. Trying to get across his desperation.

Then he goes to simple answers. "Yeah" and "I guess" because when he feels so lost, he gets quiet.

Stiles is very pragmatic AND emotional. He thinks with both but rationalizes. "It's a reflex" and "not much time" is his logical side kicking in, but in that way it's counterproductive because anxiety. You search for an answer, a relief from your fear, and when it's GIVEN, you don't quite know what to do with it. So you rationalize your own helplessness because you've fallen into that pattern of logical thinking combined with fear. That's what makes an anxious mind spin out.

Morrell: More time to be rescued? Stiles: More time to be in agonizing pain. I mean, did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding? Morrell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it? Stiles: But what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and then - and it's just hell later on?

Stiles fears pain. And I think it's not the pain specifically, it's the idea of it being the last thing, an extended thing. Emotional or physical (who wouldn’t?) And then he rationalizes with facts again to prove his point. This is the crux of MANY anxieties. That you aren't strong enough to get through, that it won't end, that there's no hope.

Morrell is having none of it. She won't let him give up on HOPE.

Morrell: Then think about something Winston Churchill once said - "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Know why that got through to him? Because it's simple and factual and makes him realize--it's the only thing you CAN do. It's not exactly hope for him but determination. Will to keep going for a little longer

And the truth is, that's all you CAN do in some horrible situations. You feel hopeless, useless. But to quote another favorite tv show "believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

Hope, hope for hope, will get you through. It can be more painful than anything in the world, but it's also the ONE THING that lets you get thought when EVERYTHING ELSE has failed.

And as Morrell says, if you can survive, isn't it worth it?

#ooc #save #;Hollowed Boy #this is largely based on my own observations and headcanons #but i feel this its p accurate #headcanon

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master-sass-blast · 5 years

Note

Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I’m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

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imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch · 7 years

Text

Valentines Day Part 1

"So Valentines Day is coming up."

"Really?" Nico asked, looking around at the heart decorations and flowers that had sprung up overnight like unwelcome nuclear powered mushrooms. "I hadn't noticed."

Piper gave him a look and took a bite of toast. She's ambushed him at breakfast, which was already Nico's least favourite time of day. This conversation was pushing him quickly from not-a-morning-person to potential-killer.

"What are you doing for Will?" Piper asked either oblivious or used to the aura of gloom and doom and get-away-from-me Nico was trying his best to project.

He gave a noncommittal shrug when Piper raised her eyebrows, and wondered if slowly sidestepping away would be too obvious.

"Please tell me you're doing something? I think Will is secretly pretty romantic you know."

"Not secretly," Nico said.

"At least a card?"

"Piper, I have grown to tolerate you and the others but you need to let this go or I will set a zombie on you. Will doesn't care what I do for him. Which, for the record, is going to be nothing."

Piper gave him a disappointed look, but Nico was 100% done with the conversation. He glanced around the dining pavilion and saw Cecil sloping up, looking almost as fed up as Nico felt.

"Oh look there's Cecil. I think he needs me to help him with something, or whatever. You can pretend that was a valid excuse to leave this conversation if you like."

Piper sighed but she waved him off.

"Go," she said. "You're a lost cause."

"I try," Nico said.

He grabbed a bagel and went back towards his cabin, blatantly ignoring Cecil on the way. His thoughts were jumbled and messy: he knew Piper had been joking about him being a lost cause but she'd accidentally hit a bit too close to home.

In truth he had been planning to do something for Will. Valentine’s day made him uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, not the least the sudden ever present nature of Cupid which was enough to send his heart racing. But Will deserved Nico to make an attempt at something good. After all, he put up with a lot: Nico wasn't exactly the easiest person in the world to deal with (though the same could often be said about Will who may have invented the word stubborn).

Besides he was pretty sure Will was going to get him something. He couldn't give Will nothing in return for whatever spectacular thing Will had planned for him.

That just left him with the problem of what to get. He thought he knew Will pretty well, but he was starting to think he might have been mistaken. Flowers were stupid, chocolates cliche. He'd tried to plan a picnic before, and he'd vowed never again. When he became truly desperate he'd even spent an afternoon eavesdropping on a group of Aphrodite kids as they sat out of sword fighting practice, hoping they'd inadvertently give him an idea. But everything they came up with was either cliched and made him feel psychically sick (slow dancing in the rain, taking cute couples photos), was not something he thought Will would enjoy (cooking a meal together) or was completely improbably (rescue Will from a tower, go on a quest to find a crown, realise one of them was long-lost royalty and get married).

Nico was starting to think he was a bad boyfriend.

Or maybe it was Will who was the bad boyfriend. He should like more stuff. Why couldn't he just drop hints about some new album he wanted? Then Nico could buy that put a pink bow on it and use the fact everyone expected him to do nothing to cover up the fact it would be a really unthoughtful, uncreative gift.

Really it was a good thing he didn't have more friends. Then it would be birthday after birthday he'd have to think about too. The last had been Reyna's and that had been the most stressful experience of his life. In the end he'd had to ask Jason who'd known her the longest and he'd suggested -

Nico stopped and glanced back at the pavilion. Cecil was slumped at a table, apparently trying to digest his food through some kind of advanced osmosis technique that involved him staring at a plate with a blank expression. Nico turned and headed back towards him.

"Hey Cecil," Nico said, plonking himself down opposite him.

Cecil murmured something that in his head was probably a colourfully worded invitation to go someplace else. Nico filled in the gaps mentally, and then promptly ignored it.

"You know Will pretty well," he said.

"I guess."

"What does he like?"

"You?" Cecil tried blearily.

"No, this isn't a trick question. I actually need to know, what does he like?"

"I dunno. Stuff. Ice Cream. Medical dramas. That band that does that song."

"Not all that helpful Cecil."

Cecil waved a pop tart in roughly Nico's direction.

"S' alright," he said. "You're welcome."

Nico thought that was probably as much as he was going to get out of Cecil at this time of morning.

He tried Lou Ellen but she wasn't particularly helpful either. She was working on what was either a modern impressionist style art piece or a ritualistic sacrificial magic spell, and so was not particularly interested in conversation.

"Just get him chocolates. Isn't that what everyone does?"

"I don't want to just do what everyone does," Nico admitted.

"Well then I can't help you. If you want it to come from the heart only you can know what’s going to work."

It was a valid point, but it annoyed him anyway. Will had the worst friends. He told Will that as he caught up with his boyfriend in a rare five minutes when neither of them were busy. Will just laughed.

"What have they done now?" he asked.

Nico floundered, wondering what excuse to make up to avoid the I was asking them for help planning your surprise valentine's gift because I suck conversation. Luckily Will was quickly distracted by events on the archery range.

"Wait! DO NOT TOUCH THAT! HARLEY!"

Will groaned.

“Gotta go. I’ll catch up with you later. HARLEY I SAID DON’T TOUCH!”

And with that Will was gone.

Will was pretty ephemeral these days. Not that Nico was complaining: Will was incredible and amazing and lovely. Nico wasn’t completely head over heels in love with him or anything. It was just he kind of really liked Will’s eyes and he wanted to make Will smile all the time and he felt like his breath got knocked out of him every time he looked at his boyfriend. And he did sometimes wake up and wonder how his life had gotten so good.

The thing was because Will was incredible and amazing and lovely it meant he was often busy: busy in the infirmary, busy sorting out his siblings (though the Apollo cabin had recently whittled down to just Kayla and Austin), busy, busy, busy. Nico didn’t exactly have masses of free time either because somehow he’d been drawn into duty after duty like helping Jason with his Pontiac (or whatever it was) thing, and suddenly he too was busy, busy, busy. It meant his and Will’s time together could usually be counted in minutes and usually ended abruptly.

Nico kind of missed Will.

He shouldn’t complain. He liked being part of camp. And besides it had just been a crazy couple of weeks. He was sure things would level out soon.

He hoped things would level out soon.

Jason found him brooding on the step outside his cabin and came to sit down next to him.

“You seem gloomier than usual.”

“I don’t want to have this conversation Jason.”

Jason seemed to physically fight back the urge to mother him but eventually he nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“Nothing. I want to continue sitting on this step staring at that tree until I bore a whole through the fabric of the universe and I’m drawn into the void where I won’t have to think anymore.”

“I’ll miss you,” Jason commented. “Let me know what the void is like.”

“I’ll send you a postcard.”

Jason nodded and stood.

“If it makes a difference, Will’s going to love whatever you get him because it’ll be from you.”

Nico glared at him.

“I said –“

Jason held up his hands in surrender.

“I’m making Piper a constellation charm bracelet. Our first kiss was supposedly on the roof under the stars but it turned out that was a lie. I want to remind her I chose her and I’d choose her again and again, even without the fake memories.”

“Ugh, that’s disgustingly cute. I did not ask to be told that.”

“I’m going.”

Nico had first kissed Will in his cabin. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic setting, even if there were fairy lights at the time. They’d looked incredible reflecting in Will’s eyes. Maybe he could – but no that was Jason’s idea. He was supposed to come up with something on his own.

Three days later and Valentines Day eve, and he was drawing a complete blank. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling while he spiralled further and further into panic. He had nothing. He was going to wake up tomorrow and have nothing to give Will. Maybe he could pretend he was sick, fake some debilitating illness.

No he couldn’t do that, that was a cowards way out.

Besides the trouble with dating the head medic was that Will could tell fake illness a mile off. He’d never pull it off.

But perhaps he could stall Will long enough to figure out what to do for him.

He got up and crept out the door. The Apollo cabin was dark and shut down and Nico was horrendously glad his boyfriend crashed out early. It meant he was extremely unlikely to stumble upon this transaction.

He knocked on the door of Cabin Eleven, and then knocked again louder when no one came to the door.

“I know someone’s awake! I can see the lights are on.” Nico hissed as loudly as he dared. He was very aware he was pushing curfew and besides he had other reasons not to want to be caught.

Eventually the door opened and Julia was blinking at him. She was wearing fuzzy pyjamas and an impatient expression.

“Yeah?”

“Get me Connor.”

She stared at him for a full five seconds and then sighed, turned around.

“OI CONNOR!”

Nico gave her an exasperated look but she just sloped off leaving an empty doorway. An inordinately long time later Connor came to the door and looked Nico up and down with a worryingly calculating expression,

“Yeah?”

“I need you to do something for me.”

“It’ll cost –“

“I know,” Nico said quickly. “I’m prepared to take on your cabin’s chores for a while.”

“That’s a handsome offer,” Connor said, very suspiciously. “What exactly do you want? I won’t kill anyone.”

“I’m not – that’s not?” Nico shook his head.

“No. It’s about Will. I need you to keep him occupied tomorrow.”

Connor considered that.

“We’ve always have pretty good relations with the Apollo lot. I personally like Will. Not sure you taking on our chores is worth the potential falling out.”

“A month, I’ll do your chores for a whole month.”

Connor still seemed uncertain. He was wavering and Nico thought he might actually turn away and shut the door in his face.

“And you can have one favour! Anything.”

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Any favour?”

“Any favour.”

“Whenever I want it?”

“Whenever.”

“Alright, done,” Connor said with a shrug. “How exactly am I supposed to keep him occupied?”

Nico sighed partly with relief and partly with regret.

“That’s up to you. Just don’t get him hurt. And don’t annoy him too much. But make sure he’s busy. Whatever it takes.”

Connor smirked.

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll be able to think of something.”

“And don’t tell Will. Whatever you do, whatever happens you don’t tell him I set this up. On pain of death.”

Connor’s smirk widened.

“Scout’s honour,” he promised.

Nico wasn’t sure he liked Connor’s expression and he began to wonder as he walked back to his cabin whether he’d done the right thing, and what on earth he’d gotten Will into.

Part Two

Storycubes Thursday cubes: heart, person counting/looking at money, person with hurt thumb

#i'm so tired #this fic is so unbelievably out of season #happy valentines day peeps #Will Solace #will solace/nico di angelo #Nico Di Angelo #solangelo #writing #percy jackson and the olympians #fandom

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

Text

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f .

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #Act Omega #hs act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega liveblog

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thorias · 7 years

Text

Random thoughts watching Riverdale episode 6

First thing we see is Betty and Polly as kids. There goes the Polly-is-Betty’s-split-personality theory, I guess. It was a long shot anyway.

Alice is the first character to draw attention to how bizarre Jughead’s name is. Nice try, Alice, but I still hate you.

Delivering on all the build up Polly has had is going to be tough. I’m thinking about what Polly could be like and imagining everything from Norma Bates to Patrick Bateman.

I think a big reason why the story about Archie and his music doesn’t feel terribly compelling is because it’s too reminiscent of the comics, whereas everything and everyone else has been so heavily reimagined. We’ve got this Polly story and how it all connects to the murder mystery and it’s pretty fascinating stuff, but then we cut over to Archie having stage fright in a variety show, and it’s not bad, but I just want them to go back to the murder mystery because this part seems so unimportant by comparison. As much as I disliked the Grundy plot, it was the only thing Archie had that was as twisted as the other big plots on the show. Without it, he’s rather boring right now.

Archie hallucinating people wearing wolf masks gets my attention, but Betty’s already got the ‘mentally unbalanced’ storyline wired and he’s got a long way to go to catch up to her.

Reggie heckles Archie after Archie let him have the captain’s job on the football team last week. Because Reggie is a dick.

Archie asking Val to sing with him at the show seems like a reasonable request and her excuse doesn’t really hold water. She “can’t step out on the Pussycats?” He’s not asking you too, sweety. If your band is already performing at the show, fine. Is there any reason you can’t do both? I wouldn’t put it passed Josie to try to put a stop to that, but Josie seemed cool with Archie after he helped them with that song, so where’s the issue here?

Polly’s “group home” sounds less like a hospital for the mentally ill and more like a puritanical reformed school. Yeah, that seems like a place Alice Cooper would send her daughter to.

Veronica ‘ex machina’ Lodge is a thing now. I was trying to come up with a nickname for her, so how nice of her to do the work for me.

Thirty seconds into a Pussycats practice session and it seems that Josie is huge a control freak. Weird that Josie is the one credited as a regular cast member, yet Val is the one emerging as the more likable character and has had more screen time at this point too.

Josie says Val can sing with Pussycats or Archie, but not both. Apparently, Archie helping the band with that song meant nothing to her. First Reggie and now Josie -- the short term memory loss seems to be spreading. I’m dangerously close to feeling bad for Archie here.

The look on Josie’s face has me cheering Val for calling her bluff and walking out.

Veronica stumbling upon her mom making out with Archie’s dad has me torn. On the one hand, it’s so awkward, I can’t look away. On the other, the kid in me who read the comics is fashioning a crude crucifix and waving it around in utter horror that likely mirrors Veronica’s.

Archie is surprisingly cool with his dad potentially dating Hermione. Yeah, Archie is suddenly the well-adjusted one. How did that happen?

Wait a minute. Val writes the Pussycats’ songs? Then maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to practically kick her out of the band, Josie! Dumbass.

So Josie was stressing because her big shot musician dad is taking time out of his busy schedule to come visit and see the show, but if it sucks, her mom will get blamed for it? FFS, that’s ANOTHER kid with insane parents! I’m starting to think the luckiest ones on this show might be the kids being brought up by only one adult. Archie, Veronica and Kevin have no idea how fortunate they are.

Josie certainly makes a lot more sense now that I’ve seen her with her mom. It’s crazy how so many of the problems the kids on this show have can be directly blamed on the people raising them.

“What about dad?” Veronica asks her mom, as if her dad being in prison and causing his wife to become a social pariah didn’t likely cause the end of their marriage already. Ronnie didn’t really think they were going to work things out, did she?

Archie is quick to swap Veronica out for Val as his singing partner, which is kind of a dick move. But then Veronica fires back by being a jerk about his dad and her mom kissing. Archie then stumbles onto the topic of his parents being separated and Hiram’s biggest romantic concern these days being to make sure he doesn’t drop the soap in the shower. So I guess the upshot of this scene is that they’re both being assholes and Val is the only nice one simply because she was the only person smart enough to keep her mouth shut.

“Garden of Deliverance?” Yeah, that doesn’t conjure up any horror imagery at all. Are we adding religious thriller tropes to the mix now?

At least Alice didn’t force an abortion on Polly, but sending your child to mental institution/religious-themed prison seems pretty damn cruel. Then again, having seen what lunatics Cheryl’s parents are, maybe Alice had the right idea by taking steps to make sure they don’t find out that Polly is carrying Jason’s progeny. At this point, I wouldn’t put it passed Mrs. Blossom to try to cut Junior out of Polly’s belly with a spork.

I might believe that Jason only broke up with Polly because his parents forced him too, but the idilic future Polly said they had in store for them sounds downright psychotic. I knew people back in high school who became parents at this age and... let’s just say that it working out as perfectly as Polly describes is pretty freaking unlikely.

Polly not being taken away until July 4th feels a bit awkward. I was under the impression that she’d been gone longer than that. But her being dragged into a van against her will isn’t exactly helping with the allusions to Polly basically being a prisoner here.

In the blink of an eye, Polly turns the crazy up to eleven and it’s a little disturbing. Yeah, she definitely needs to be in a hospital, but I’m not entirely sure that’s what this place is.

First Josie gets pissed at Val for singing (god forbid someone in a band try to do that) and now she’s pissed at Veronica for NOT signing? This girl has no idea what she wants.

Veronica is upset that she hasn’t seen her dad in three months. Man, that really makes you think. So many of the parents on this show are out of their damn minds, but they still get to walk around free, so what exactly did Hiram do that was bad enough to land him in prison? Cannibalism? Murder/suicide cult? I’m guessing it was a wee bit more extreme than embezzlement or whatever the excuse they gave us in the pilot was.

Archie and Val actually sound good together. See, Archie? This is what a healthy relationship with a female looks like.

Alice was definitely being cruel by not telling Polly that Jason was dead, but considering how quickly Polly’s mental stability just shattered like stale potato chips, keeping her in the dark may have been the lesser of two evils.

Fred, Hermione, Archie, Josie, Josie’s control freak mom and her arrogant asshole dad are all having dinner and the tension is thick enough to kill a horse. Should they just call for an ambulance now or wait for someone to draw blood first?

Betty straight up asks her dad if he killed Jason. I’m surprised they’re playing that card this early, but I guess red herrings aren’t meant to last long.

Oh shit! Don’t use the “C” word around Betty! Even at the best of times, she’s one bad day away from breaking out that Darth Betty wig and going to town on this whole cast with a meat cleaver. Why tempt fate?

I wouldn’t put it passed Josie’s parents to not give Archie’s dad the contract simply out of spite for his son luring Val away from Josie’s band. That’s not the reason they give him, but that’s probably what it’s really about. At any rate, those two are world class pricks for coming to dinner with him and letting him go through that whole presentation just to tell him that the contract was already given to someone else.

Hermione is trying to get Fred the contract, which is self-serving, but also a really nice thing to do considering the way Hiram wanted to go was undoubtedly a lot shadier, but Veronica refuses to put her signature on the thing because she doesn’t like her mom dating someone. This is one of those rare occasions in Riverdale when the parent is actually more likable than the kid. I get that Veronica is upset about this, but seeing as her dad has most likely spent the last several months behind bars being someone’s bitch, maybe she should give her mom a break.

Archie tells Val she should perform with the Pussycats. I think he’s trying to do the right thing here, but doesn’t this mean that he just dicked with Veronica a second time since she just replaced Val in the Pussycats and Val coming back will make her a fifth wheel?

“They’re parents. They’re all crazy.” On this show? Yeah. Truer words have never been spoken in Riverdale.

JUGHEAD KISSES BETTY?!?! WTF IS GOING ON?!?! THE ONLY WAY THIS HAPPENS IS IF HE’S IMAGINING A HAMBURGER WHERE HER FACE SHOULD BE!! FUCK THIS!! THESE WRITERS KNOW NOTHING!!

The Pussycats sing a cover of some disco song at the variety show. Wasn’t them not doing other people’s songs a big thing for them? I’m pretty sure there was a line in the pilot about that.

Poor Veronica looks like she feels really out of place onstage with the Pussycats and I feel bad for her. Sure, she’s been a jerk at times in this episode, but she’s been jerked around by other people just as much.

The Pussycats give a great performance which Josie’s musical snob dad leaves in the middle of. Because Josie’s dad is a jackass.

Archie and Veronica apologizing to each other was sweet. Something I’m noticing with Grundy gone now is that, while Archie continues to screw up pretty regularly, his mistakes are becoming less severe and he’s getting quicker at trying to fix them.

Archie has to follow the Pussycats on top of battling stage fright. They really threw this poor schmuck into the deep end head first, didn’t they? Did Reggie choose the order of these acts by any chance?

Awww, Betty feels bad that she’s missing Archie’s song. This girl is so pure that she has me absolutely dreading her inevitable psychotic episode. Crazy does seem to run in her family after all.

Archie does really well and gets a standing ovation. Because no matter how many times he screws up, I guess it wouldn’t be Riverdale if everyone in town wasn’t in love with this guy. But, hey, he had a personal problem that didn’t involve statutory rape and he overcame it. I call that progress.

So what was that stuff with the wolf masks all about?

How long is Veronica going to be passive aggressively giving her mom shit for this thing with Fred Andrews? I’d tell her to be realistic about the chances of her parents getting back together, but this is apparently some wacko, bizarro world, parallel universe where Jughead likes girls, so clearly the writers have checked realism at the door.

Polly escaping the mental hospital (or whatever it is we’re calling that place) seriously plays like the beginning of a slasher flick. But she jumped out of a second or third story window, heavily pregnant. How far could she possibly have gotten?

My newest theory is that Polly killed Jason and then convinced herself that it never happened because, you know, she's fucking nuts.

#archie andrews #betty cooper #polly cooper #josie and the pussycats #1x06 #faster pussycats kill kill #riverdale

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nivthenymph · 7 years

Quote

Always keep in mind: •It's temporary. May not seem like it, but it really is. •Time really does heal. •Don't stress over things you can't control. You're only hurting yourself twice. Relax. Let it be. •You're better than anything that brings you down. Petty drama, someone said something ugly about you, dishonest and/or unloyal spouses, etc. OH WHALE. Childish gibberish. You're grown, dude. Don't waste time, breath, or energy on those who are below you. I will never understand gaining respect for beating someone for calling you a 3-4 letter word. Getting yourself hurt and/or legally in trouble over that? You're almost just as bad. The worst pet peeve of the ones bashing you is seeing you happy and successful. They are being spiteful for 1 of 3 reasons: 1. They are jealous. 2. They want attention. or 3. They are bored and have nothing better to do than put other people to satisfy them. •Choose your battles. Carefully. Don't stress yourself out on things that has nothing to do with you. You choose what to fight for. Make sure it's worth it. •Don't be so serious. Smiling is healthier than frowning. •You are definitely not alone. Almost 100% of the time, someone is going through the same thing. There are people who are wonderful listeners, genuine people that openly care about you, and can honestly empathize and feel for you. Either way, there are people here for you. Keep them. Cherish them. It's getting rare to find those special breeds. •It could be worse. Always. •It's fucking life, man. It's not fair to anyone. Noone feels sorry for a "woe, is me" "why me" person. Learn to realize that you are not the only person going through something. It's not like life is unfair to you and you alone. Find a way to cope and move on. Don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you. That's very selfish and small of you to ask any sympathy from anyone. Again, you are not the only one going through a hard time. Don't ask for sympathy from people especially when you didn't have any for anyone else. •Obviously, be selfless. •You are you and you can't change that so learn to see how fucking awesome you are. "Noone can do you better than yourself." Damn straight. Make the best of yourself. •Negative thoughts will never bring you positive results. If you have a negative mindset, you will have negative results. Always keep a positive thought no matter what the fuck happens. If anything, take it as an experience. You're on a journey, man. Either way you're gonna be okay. •Never expect anything from anyone. No matter how well you know them, as long as you are doing nothing but doing good onto others and having generosity towards others, you are the bigger person. Never stop being a caring person because of some grimy, selfish ass holes. You will learn that sometimes, the ones closest to you will betray you. Don't let your spirit wither away because of that. If you do and become cold and greedy, you will be doing unfair to those who do not deserve it and miss out on some irreplaceable souls. •Really think about what you say before you say it. How you say and word things are important. If need be, look up what words mean and what not. Self education helps put your thoughts into words. Also, make sure you feel out the energy before just bursting anything out. Learn to read expressions & vibrations. Do more listening than talking. There's a difference between talking about yourself nonstop & relating and bitching & venting. Learn to find the balance. SITTING IN SILENCE IS OKAY. You don't have to talk to each other constantly. You don't even have to talk at all. •Do whatever the fuck makes you happy. •It's okay to be angry. You're human. Just learn to control it in your way. Vent to a friend, play video games, etc. Distract yourself. Continue looking at the positive side! Never stop. •You're gonna live your WHOLE life learning and growing. You are never gonna stop. That's why it's important to be healthy because who wants to become a vegetable and not living life more instead of watching it be destroyed. •It is okay to put yourself first sometimes. Comfortablity is important BUT stepping out of our comfort zone helps you grow. You can die in anyway, anytime. Make fear suck your dick. We are all gonna die anything. If anything, die doing what you love doing. •Fresh air is always nice. Go outside as much as you can. •Stay hydrated. Seriously, makes a big difference. Plus, you kinda have to. •Don't be afraid to try new things. Why not try creating something? Working on yourself? Finding something you enjoy doing that also makes others happy. Study on topics that interest you. Self educate. Learn a new language. Read a personal development book/article. Personal development is key to a healthy living. •Everyone deserves a second chance. Like I've said before, we are humans. We live and we learn. You've messed up big time a good amount and you've had moments that you weren't so proud of. Don't be a blatant hypocrit. (Btw, everyone is a hypocrit. Some are more irrational than others but it's human nature. As well as judging others. You do it whether you mean to or not.) •Everyone has experienced life in many different ways. People can wear whatever the hell they wanna wear. You are going to have your own thoughts and opinions (judgement), and if they arent hurting anyone, don't you dare tell them to change. Don't you dare insult them and be disrespectful towards their lifestyle. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. •Do not __-shame anyone. If a person wants to show off their body or sleep with anyone they want to, as long as they're is safe and happy, then let them do them. They aren't hurting you. If a woman feels better with makeup on and it makes her feel good, what's the problem? If you don't like it then don't pay attention to it if it's that big of a deal. Don't you EVER say anything demmeaning towards natural beauty. Everyone is beautiful how they are. Bottom line, if they are not physically, emotionally, or mentally harming towards other people, don't degrade it because you do not understand it. •Respect everyone's opinions. As long as it's nonhateful or demmeaning towards certain people. •Tell your parents you love them. They may not be the best, but they do love you no matter hard your relationship is. If a parent stopped loving you because of who you are or what you've done, then they failed as a parent and you learned how not to treat your kids or even the ones you love most. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. •Of course, mourn over the deaths of close ones, but people die. You are gonna go the rest of your life watching everyone pass before you. If you seem like you're losing everyone around you, God isn't punishing you. Sounds crazy, but you are gonna have a time where a lot of people you know just happen to pass away around the same time. If you have a pattern of losing people to drugs/violence, of course death is still painful and you have every right to mourn just as long as you need but they don't want you following their footsteps. Maybe it's time to get away from that before you're next. No matter how they pass, take the time that you had with them and cherish the shit out of it. You were so blessed to know someone that was so incredible and made some sort of impact on you. You never get over it, you just learn how to live with it. No matter how much you cared about them, you need t keep moving forward. Nothing would make them happier than seeing you joyful and stable. •Do whatever the fuck makes you happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. No matter who you are or the mistakes you've made, you have every right in this world to be as happy as you want. (As long as it does not cause harm to others, of course) •EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. You have a great soul and that's not overlooked and will ever will be by good, important, honest people. No one like you will have a shitty life as long as you stay positive and just ride life. Go with the flow. It's okay to be sad, again, another part of being human. Just know that it's going to be okay. Count to 10 seconds then start 10 more, etc. It's a trick I've heard works. You can live another 10 seconds. What's the harm in trying it? •You are loved. And more will come to love you. Don't take that away from present/future friendships and memories. They are here to help you, don't push them away because you feel like you're not worthy. You need them. You need to have spectacular people in your life to pick you up when your down or just to talk to or relate to. They are important. You need to have a support system. It is essential. Keep them very close. •If someone walks out of your life, they may not have a solid reason as to why and it may leave you ill feeling but it's probably nothing against you. People take different paths and approach it in different ways. They probably still very much care about you, they're just doing what they need to do to make them feel better as a person. If the friendship/relationship is real, they won't be out of your life forever. Now, if someone walks out of your life because of something you did to them and you have no idea what it is, listen to me... SCREW THEM. If they didn't have the decency of confronting you respectfully about it, then they either don't have enough respect for you as a human being or they are just cowards and can't say how they feel. There are other people that have real love and compassion for you. Focus your time and energy on people that are truly worth it. •Forgive but don't forget. Live and let go. Don't carry garbage from the past. It's over, done with, no need to carry baggage. Let that shit go. You learned your lesson. •Focus on the now. Nothing is more precious as the presence. Admire the moments with the ones you care for the most. Your phone can wait. Start putting your phone in an unreachable distance and start paying attention to the people and/or events in this very moment. Also, Noone likes the person that just sits on their phone the whole time, being disassociated from the time at hand. It's just rude. •Feeling anxious? Depressed? Frustrated? Stressed? Relax and take deep breaths. Learn some breathing mechanisms. It helps a lot more than you think. •Whatever you wanna do, whenever you wanna procrastinate, push through it and just fucking do it. Now. Better to get it done now and have peace of mind than adding more unnecessary stress. You will see a big difference not only physically but as well as mentally. You start feeling better mentally and it becomes a habit more than a chore. A clean place is a clean mind. •It's okay if you have some sort of mental disorder. Everyone does nowadays so there is nothing to be ashamed about. People take medicine for colds and diabetes, you are taking it to change the way your brain works. That's tough but you are stronger than you think. Trust me. •Don't you let a single word get to you. They are just words, not throwing knives to the face. It'll be okay. •Move more, eat less. Know the difference between being hungry and being bored. •Love and respect planet you live on, you lazy, ass idiots. This is your home, don't trash the hell out of it and destroy it. You don't see me walking into someone's home and just throwing trash on the floor because the trashcan wasn't near me at the time. 99% of animals are here to help to planet and keep the cycle of life turning. Respect and love the hell out of them. It doesn't make you cool to hurt/torchure/kill them for fun. It makes you not even a real person. It makes you heartless. It makes you just as bad as taking any life. It makes you look like the most horrid creature. You guys have no clue what kind of damage you are causing earth. Just try to better to OUR HOME and all of the mysterious and radical creatures that share it with us. •Manners are excential. Say your please and thank you's, they didn't have to do that for you. Whether it's holding a door, someone doing you a favor, or giving a gift, the fact that they had you in their thoughts and went out of their way for you when they had the option to act like you don't even exist should at least deserve a simple "please" or "thank you." •Don't ever ever ever apologize for how you feel. That's like being sorry for enjoying a glass of water. It's how you feel, you're not doing anything wrong. •Absolutely, no matter what, be kind to every stranger. You don't know what they are going through. •Try to understand all sides. At least try to put yourself in their shoes. It helps with being neutral with the situation. •Keep your mind open as fuck, always. Don't ever close it or you become this bitter old person that's just always confused and hateful towards anything you don't even want to try to understand. •Never stop learning. Never stop living. This is one wild adventure and there are people fighting to stay alive so don't take this beautiful gift for granted. Love your life. No matter what this universe throws at you, you will rise above it and become stronger. These are learning experiences we are having. Don't let regrets bring you down. Easier said than done but live with no regrets. We have all done some things we try to forget but remember, what happened doesn't make you any less of a person. Let it go. Let yourself feel free. •ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE A BADASS. LIFE DOESN'T FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK LIFE. Never stop thinking you aren't worthwhile because you are and always will be. You will always be more powerful than you were yesterday. Never stop trying.

A list that I made for my sad friend. I hope this grants you a little light on this twisted up reality.

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