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risestarkiss · 3 months

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Being Purple ○ Part Two

Rise Ramblings #315

Previous | Being Purple ○ Part One This post is a continuation, so I recommend reading Part One before reading this Part Two. ••••

We’ve talked about what Donatello was and his role in the family.

But, we never examined why. Why is Donnie so gung ho on physically providing for his family?

Well, to understand why he feels that way, we need to go back to the beginning. After Splinter and the turtles were mutated, Yoshi was obviously unable to access any of the funds or resources he held as Lou Jitsu due to, you know, him now being a giant rat. He had to start life a new from the bottom of society.

We don’t know what happened during their time on the streets, but we can make some inferences as to what happened next. Splinter eventually moved the boys down into the sewers and was able find a comfortable space for himself and his little family.

Here is where I’m going to try my best to piece together the order of events regarding Donatello’s earliest contributions. I’ll be using two episodes: the season one finale, “End Game,” and the Nick web exclusive mini-episode, “Turtle Tots.”

In Turtle Tots, the family has gathered in Splinter’s room. We can also see the den through Splinter’s doorway. This home is, indeed, the home that we are familiar with in the show. Thus, we now know that at this age the boys were already living in the sewers. We also know that the den has already been outfitted with a tv, electricity, and probably some kind of cable hookup.

Is it possible that Splints did this electrical work all on his own? “End Game” gives us a clue that can lead us to an answer.

Here he is, the boy of the hour. In this picture, given the perspective, young Donnie is much shorter than Splinter. Their heights here are actually comparable to their height difference in the “Turtle Tots” clip. Therefore, I believe it’s fair to conclude that Donatello is about the same height in both instances, and likewise, relatively the same age.

Given that new piece of information, now we can speculate further.

When you look at the room that crying Dondon is in, he’s surrounded by wires, batteries, boxes, and what appears to be little bits of tech that he was working on, hence the booboo. There’s a small rotary plane of some sort, a tiny workbench, and other bits and pieces. So, we can deduce that Donnie is familiar with electrical work and is building things for himself, even at this young age.

Donatello is already cooking.

With that evidence, I believe it’s reasonable to surmise that Donatello had a hand in hooking the den up with a refurbished TV and in wiring the house with electricity, which is such a big job for such a little guy.

If it had stopped there, I wouldn’t bring it up, but as we can plainly see…

It never stopped. His labors are endless. Everything from the turtles’ transportation, their living space, and their comforts at home was created, built, enhanced, and refurbished by Donatello. Consequently, he internalized the idea that his usefulness equated to the safety and security of his family. And that’s just how he lived his life.

He doesn’t know any different, and I’m sure at this point he wouldn’t want any different. This is his role. This is his place. Besides, his beneficence makes his brothers happy, and his father happy, and by extension it makes him happy.

Hence, his “gift giving” love language.

If Donnie is happy, then where’s the problem?

I’m sorry, but external validation as a primary source of happiness, or even worse, as a source of self-esteem, is dangerous…

But I digress…

From the outside looking in, it’s easy to assume that his genius is best utilized as a tool for the team’s benefit. But as a child, the weight of ensuring their entire family’s physical infrastructure is a large burden to bear…and it is almost the exact definition of Instrumental Parentification.

Parentification is a process in which a role reversal occurs where the child or adolescent is obligated to act as a parent would to their siblings or to their actual parent. Instrumental Parentification involves a child assuming the responsibilities of maintaining a household through physical means. In this case, Donatello literally maintains the household.

I’ve said all of that to say this.

Donatello has been subjected to Instrumental Parentification for almost his entire life. He doesn’t know life without providing for his family, but he’s happiest when his family is comfortable and safe.

So when we ask, why does Donatello make these sacrifices for his family, the answer is obvious. Love. And that answer reigns true in the past, present, and future…

Anyways, Donatello is such a complex and intriguing character, I could go on about him forever. But I think this as good a place as any to put a pin in my deep dive on this fiery little grape, because our next dive’s focus is on the true pinnacle of the Hamato clan…

○○○○

Previous | Being Big Red • Being Baby Blue • Being Purple ○ Part One

Next | Orange, Baby!

Finale | Being Hamato Yoshi

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spacedace · 1 year

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Yo here have this dp x dc snippet from ages ago I forgot I wrote until I found it just now lol:

Joker had died just after sunset, when darkness had settled fully on Gotham. Beaten horribly with a blunt, metal object of sickeningly familiar description, then finally killed in the concussive force of an explosion from the various bombs the warehouse had been filled with.

It felt obvious who it had to be.

Except, of course, that Dick was looking at cctv footage and official court documents showing just how fucking impossible it was for Jason to have finally taken the clown out for good.

At the time everything had to have happened his little brother was across the city, in a public place, with official witnesses.

Official, official witnesses. They - one Margaret Tinsel - had signed their name as such, right next to their notary stamp and the date on the marriage license.

Marriage License.

Because Jay had been over at the courthouse next to city hall getting married.

Dick only found out he’d been dating Jasmine Nightingale a couple of weeks ago. He hadn’t even properly met her yet, just saw her from the roof across the street as she and Jay sat on her fire escape sharing a pint of ice cream, laughing and looking stupidly adorable and smitten with each other. And now they’re married.

How in the fuck was he going to explain this? Bruce was already spiraling on the idea that Jay had killed Joker, he’d want specific details on just how tight of an alibi Jason had for the crime. He’d want to see that proof himself.

And then he’d want to talk to Jay. Who hadn’t told any of them what the fuck was going on in his personal life. Who had very purposefully tried to keep Jasmine Nightingale - shit, no she applied for a name change, they both had, they were both Nightingale-Todd now - away from the family and their meddling.

Babs on the other end of the line seemed to share his utter loss over the situation.

“I did some digging.” She said, drawn out enough to let him know that whatever she found - while not bad - sure as shit wasn’t going to make things any easier to explain. “They’ve uh…as best I can tell, they’ve been dating for about three years now.”

Three years.

Jesus Christ. How in the hell is he going to break that news? Did he even break that news? That’s something that Jay should do.

Except Jay just got married less than two hours ago at the same time the Joker was violently - and karmically satisfyingly - murdered and there was absolutely no way that letting Bruce go over there to talk to Jay while all Batman-ed up was going to lead to anything but a fight, which means that he has to break that news or else Jay and his new wife - his wife holy fucking shit - are going to have to deal with a pissed off Batman on their honeymoon and -

“Oh.” Tim said from where he’d come to stand at Dick’s shoulder at some point during his internal freak out. “I guess they decided to do the courthouse thing after all.”

The train wreck of Dick’s thought process, at that point, entirely exploded.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #batman #jazz fenton #jason todd #dick grayson #barbara gordon #the joker #anger management #anger management ship #dp x dc anger management #tim drake #poor Dick is just having a *time* with all of this #How does Tim know?#Dating Danny & has the inside scoop?#Just knows everything about the personal lives of his family because stalking is his love language?#Was just a really damn good detective & thought everyone else also knew?#combination of all the above?#who knows!#Major perk of dating/marrying the adopted daughter of the Ancient of time is that as long as kt doesn’t risk the timeline #Clockwork will totally let you time travel so you can kill that mother fucking evil clown while having the most solid alibi ever #(Danny & Jazz helped along with like half the ghosts in Gotham because Joker was the cause of SO MANY deaths)#batfam

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spiderthesenutz · 11 months

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hi!! may i request first date headcanons (☀️) with pavitr, gwen, miles and hobie? (gn reader)

First DATE with the Spider Quartet!

CINEMA!

Or stay at home and watch movies-

Definitely would try the stretch and around your shoulder move

Is internally screaming the entire time

He’s very nervous so if you say stuff like

“This is so fun! We should do this again!”

He MELTS

He’s like

“Again? I’d love to! I mean as long as you want to”

Absolutely they type to brush his hand against yours tryna hype himself up in his head

He walks you back home or if you’re already at your place watching movies he asks to go for a walk and then walks you home

Stands at your door all nervous like

“I really had fun with you today Y/N”

“I really enjoyed it to miles, let’s do it again sometime yeah?”

If you lean in and kiss him he just stands there like: ( ・∇・)

Then you have two different processes:

Miles: omg they just kissed me- so does this mean another date or? I’m literally falling harder oh god-do they still like me? WAS THAT A PLATONIC KISS?

Y/n: LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PUNK CONCERTS!

But also movie nights at his place, cuddled up on the sofa

SELF CARE NIGHTS

dying each-others hair (more him dying yours and you begging to do his much to him amusement)

He definitely gave you a piercing at some point

Hanging out in his bedroom jamming out to his music

Having little dates where you meet up in a little remote area and just chill out without hearing the world around you

Wouldn’t take you swinging-BUT he does take you to the top of the Big Ben

Which you both spray paint and flee the scene

Y/n: oh! We can watch shark boy and lava girl and make out during the scary parts

Hobie:…

Y/n:…

Y/n: what?

Hobie:the scary parts of shark boy and lava girl?

CAFE DATES, MOVIE NIGHTS AND STUDY DATES

Late night movie nights/sleepovers

Cuddles whilst you have movie marathons

He just loves having his hands on you

Cuddling on the couch during movie dates

You playfully calling chai “chai tea” and watching him pout

“Oh come on you know I don’t mean it”

“No no kisses for an hour- you know what you did”

He’s really warm so you never need a blanket, just Pavitr

He’s 100% the type to just lie on top of you with his face in your chest whilst you play with his hair not paying attention to the movie

Y/n: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Pavitr: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

SKATEBOARD DATES

Or just going to the park with a ton of snacks

Late night walks/store runs

Self care nights after a stressful day

Spontaneous dates when something happened with her dad and she needs to cheer up

You put on her favourite movie

Gather her favorite snacks you keep stockpiled for moments like this

Cuddle up on the sofa at yours as you stroke her hair and comfort her

Sleeping on the couch together!

Gwen: Y/n, you love me, right?

Y/n: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

#across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse x reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr prabhakar #hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #spider gwen #spider gwen x reader

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mechaknight-98 · 15 days

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Perfect Night (NSFW) FT Sakura Miyawaki

Author's note: World Tour announcement when? In all seriousness where has this Sakura Miyawki been and how do I get more of her? She killed it and me a little bit

After their fiery performance, the fimmies arrived back in their hotel. Not long after arriving Yunjen called Porter, Chaewon called Aaron and Sakura texted Daigo. Luckily for them, they were all on the same ride together. When they received messages from their significant others. Kura’s message was especially hot to Daigo,

“Did you like the performance,” Kura asked in the text but along with that was a picture of her in a more than flattering situation. She hoped that Daigo would be feral for her when she got there. What she didn't know was he already was.

Daigo was barely keeping his composure as images of what he would do to Kura swam through his mind during her entire Coachella performance. He had never seen her so at ease, so powerful, so sexy, so comfortable on stage before…well as long as he knew her. She may have wanted to kiss everybody, but he wanted to kiss her everywhere. To stay composed he stayed eerily silent to Porter and Aaron, which they noticed. they figured he was in contemplation gearing up for this night…he was just not in the ways they were thinking. The trio arrives at the hotel and takes the elevator up. Daigo carried the cooler his silence persisted which began to worry his friends until right before the trio entered.

"Oh unnies it's just the boys," Eunchae said as she opened the door. The trio walked in and sat next to their respective fimmy. Daigo leaned back and crossed his arms. as he sat next to Kura after placing the cooler by the front door. Kkura looked at him trying to get a read on him but he was stone-faced. He was barely containing himself near her.

"So what did you guys think," Yunjin asked courageously, "Did we do fantastic or what?"

"Oh you all did stellar," Aaron said first before he squeezed Chaewon tightly. Chaewon did her signature nose scrunch and smiled at her boyfriend. Connor was quick to jump and affirm Connor's statement. All that was left was Daigo who was sitting next to Kkura he looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"I am mad. you let your company have you sing in all these high registers, and try to make y'all look bad on awards shows and live performances, but you come to my home, and not only do you guys sound amazing. You put on probably one of the best live performances I have ever seen. So I am heated because y'all have been holding out on me, and you (He's pointing to Sakura) when did you become so sexy Mrs "Cute Little Voice Idol"? you owned that stage. (to the rest of the fimmies) I mean you all did, but you (Back to Sakura) for all the times you talked to me about not wanting the spotlight and wanting to fade away you very clearly blossomed today." Daigo said. Sakura looked at him surprised. As he spoke. she waited for him to say something mean, but when she processed what he said she realized that every word was genuine and he was impressed and enamored with her.

"You liked it," Sakura asked worried.

"Like it? I loved it," Daigo said in a pitch that Sakura heard very rarely from him. "I got to see my bre... my best girl shows the world why she is a borne idol after years of being verbally abused and criticized. Sakura blushed at Daigo's response, his tone was reminiscent of their more private activities and began to arouse her mirroring what she did to him earlier in the night. she also chuckled at his almost slip-up. He was ready for her and she just needed to pull the trigger.

"Oh, I am so glad. You liked it. When you walked in and were silent I was worried you hated it and were mad at us," Yunjin said relieved

"I did, and I am mad. You guys have been holding out. It isn't y'all fault because you are bound by K-pop's rules but tonight was bullshit. Y'all did great and I know it's not going to be an every-performance thing," Daigo lamented. which caused Chaewon, Eunchae, and Kazuha to laugh

"Why don't you think so," Sakura said in a tone similar to their more intimate activities.

"Because the K-pop system demands conformity, and the show you put on tonight was not "K-pop" but to me, you all have never been a K-pop group," Daigo explains. Yunjin clapped for Daigo as someone finally saw Le Sserafim as she saw it. Le Sserafim was a Korean group but not a Korean Pop girl group. Daigo not understanding took it in stride, Sakura on the other hand felt her possessive Lioness rise inside her and grabbed Daigo violently to sit him back down. Jen noticed this and decided to finally press the issue.

"Kkura unnie. when are you finally going to wife Daigo up? He loves you more than anything," Daigo and Kura reeled at Yunjin's blunt statement while Porter, Aaron, and the rest of the Fimmies laughed in joy. Kura's eyes narrowed and dragged Daigo with her to her room.

"Wait Kkura," Daigo said before reaching into the cooler and picking out some sandwiches and Angma Soju he got for the of Age fimmies. Sakura smiled when he followed her. Sakura opened the door and when she secured her "prey" she closed the door and locked it. Daigo set the Alcohol down and chose to sit on the bed as he gazed at Kkura. She was trying to hide her hungered gazes towards him.

“You aren't actually mad at me right,” Sakura asked. Her eyes were soft and kind the fire of a few moments ago a distant memory.

Seeing Kura’s current affection softened Daigo’s impassioned heart. Feeling his bravery and passion dissipate from him Daigo turned timid once more. “I could never be mad at you. Just a little miffed because of how you let people talk to you that way,”

Sakura relented and then asked a question that had been plaguing her. “Why do you like me so much,”

Daigo saw the weariness in Sakura’s eyes. It pained him. So he told her the truth.

“Well, my crush started because we were similar in age and experience. You've had tremendous pressure on you since you were like what 12? I related to that. (not to the sheer scale but you get the idea) so anytime I'd hear you talk about the situations you found yourself in and just found myself endeared to you,” Daigo explained plainly and Kura gave him a sweet smile. Seeing her so happy Daigo replied with a question of his own.

“Can you explain the ninja comment?”

Sakura burst into laughter and knowing her friend she decided a display would explain. She did 6 hand signs then several duplicates of her appeared in front of a startled Daigo.

“Oh okay,” Daigo said as he processed what was going on.

“Wait you're not freaking out,” Sakura replied

“Well, this you being a ninja magic girl isn't the weirdest thing in my life. Plus if you comfortable revealing this to me. I need to be mature enough to see it,” Daigo explained casually. Sakura laughed at the calm and collected Daigo she knew.

“Now if you are going to tell me I have to fight in some ninja battle royal tournament thing to date you that would be something I'd freak out over but for different reasons,”

Sakura laughed until she noticed Daigo’s serious expression, “why,” she asked

Daigo sighed before he explained, “I am a pacifist.” Kkura smiled

“Oh I like it, but why,” she asked

“I have issues with self-control especially when it comes to anger, violence, and moderation. So I avoid it at every cost,” Sakura laughed and countered by saying,

“Yet you play violent video games?” Daigo laughed before replying realizing he had been caught

“Well, I still get angry and have hostility burn within me. so I need a space to put that so I don't snap and become a serial killer,” Sakura heard that and smiled before laughing harder.

“You are so dramatic,” she teased. Daigo smiled as usual Sakura knew the exact words and tone to put him at ease with her.

Kkura dismissed her multitude of clones as she sat next to Daigo. She put her hand on top of his and felt a proud feeling of ownership. She knew Daigo was hers and that gave her more confidence than she realized. In his support she found strength. She leaned into him and the two fell asleep exhausted.

The next day Daigo woke up to a Sakura chatting with a male voice. At first, he was on alert until he heard the Kkura was fine.

“Sakura you can't keep this fling with Daigo up,” the male voice said

“It's not a fling I truly like him and he feels the same,”

“But if what you've told me is true he's not ready to deal with your life as a star or as the heir of the Miyawaki clan. You don't want him getting hurt do you,”

“I’ll protect him,” Sakura said as a hint of possessiveness crept into her voice. Daigo was her stud and she'd be damned if she was going to lose him.

“Don't let your lust or your feelings cloud your judgment. He's not the one. He's just some guy you played games with,” the man’s voice says aggressively.

“Yeah and do you know what he did for me? He's always been encouraging and helpful to me. He has always supported me listened to all of my songs and believed in me even when I couldn't. I'm not getting that anywhere else so no I'm not leaving him,” Sakura asserted.

“And what makes him so special huh? He's a coward who needs you to prop him up. He's a leech. He's going to suck you dry because he's attracted to the glitz and the glam and when it's gone he will leave,” the young man said. Something about leaving Kura rubbed Daigo the wrong way.

Daigo listened and he felt a feeling he hadn't felt In a while. A cold rage possessed him as he tried to stay in control. It was a palpable emotion as Sakura and Tobi (the guy she was arguing with felt the room’s temperature drop 4 degrees.” Sakura shivered as did Tobi. Daigo meanwhile got up undeterred and Tobi saw Daigo for the first time and his eyes went wide. See Daigo wasn't typically menacing in his presence but at that time Tobi saw Daigo not as Kura’s goofy fling but as something else. It frightened him. So he performed the better part of valor and ran away from this confrontation. Sakura turned around and was happy to see Daigo. As he got closer to her she felt his warmth as the room went back to its normal temperature.

“Hey Stud how are you,” Sakura asked in her deep sexy tone. She smiled as she watched Daigo grow hard under her gaze and voice. “Oh someone's excited,” she said with a bigger smile. Daigo approaches her and closes the door. Sakura smiles and kisses him deeply. Daigo can feel Sakura’s desire and is almost ready to succumb to it but he needs to make sure everything is alright.

“Hey Kkura what was all that about,” he asks trying to maintain his composure. Sakura feeling more aroused with each passing moment can't wait as she pulls down her pants revealing her bare pussy.

“It's nothing stud, but I need your help,” she says as she guides Daigo down she nudges his face to her core and whimpers when she feels his breath against her skin. Daigo gives in to her and dives into her pussy. Sakura moans lewdly as Daigo takes his first long and slow lick. The next lick is more intentional a long figure 8 around Kkura’s clit. Daigo has never done this before, so the actions send a jolt through her body. Kura looks down to see an extremely pussy drunk Daigo. She moans as Daigo breathes in her arousal and his mind goes blank. His only thoughts are of pleasing and breeding his preferred mate. He does another lick around her clit before going lower to Kkura’s leaking pussy. He laps up her juice and savors her taste. It's sweet like cake frosting almost. Sakura shudders at Daigo’s ministrations. Sakura smiles watching her stud lose himself. As he dives deeper into her sex she mewls at his enthusiasm until it becomes too much for her and she explodes all over Daigo’s face. Sakura’s high is abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door. She whines as she tries to sober her pussy drunk stud.

“We have time,” Daigo insists, and as much as Sakura wants to let him continue. She needs him to stop.

“No stud it's probably the girls and you know I still have responsibilities, we all can't take a week off,” Sakura chided

“Well excuse me for wanting to give you my undivided attention,” Daigo teased Sakura laughed Before having him go start a shower,

“Oh am I your servant now,” Daigo replied.

“No, but I figured you'd a little bit more time with me,” Sakura pouted as she replied. Daigo smile.

“You should have led with that,” he said and Sakura laughed Before brushing him off.

Sakura gets ready and opens the doors it's the rest of the Fimmies.

“We have 15 minutes until we need to go do schedules,” Chaewon said.

“Okay,” Sakura replied trying to hold in her frustration.

“Hey, where's Daigo oppa?” Eunchae asks

“He is getting the shower ready for me before we go,” Sakura replied. Jen having her a knowing look which Sakura glared at. The girls left her alone after that. Sakura groaned. She wanted to do nothing but quilt play games and fuck her stud’s brain out an make him a dumb little fucktoy for her today, but alas she had responsibilities. She walks into the shower and strips to an excited Daigo.

“Sorry stud we have to be quick so let's get clean and you gotta go okay?” Daigo was bummed but understood.

So the duo shared a quick and chaste shower before leaving. Daigo gave Sakura an innocent peck on the cheek before saying, “don't go kissing everybody,” he teased. Sakura smiled and said

“I won't babe.” she kissed him back and said “tonight I am going to drain those balls.” Daigo laughed as he opened the door for her.

When they got to the lobby the other fimmies, Aaron and Porter were waiting for them. The boys bid them farewell and watched as they left. Daigo excused himself to go to the bathroom.

As he was finishing up a young man approached him. He eyed the young man suspiciously (he was suspicious of everyone) as he was making a move to leave 4 other similarly dressed men surrounded him. Daigo got in a fighting ready stance before he felt a hard presence on his neck before everything went black.

“Target secured,” the young man said

#kpop fanfic #fanfic #miyawaki sakura #lesserafim smut #sakura smut #izone sakura

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glamaphonic · 23 days

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i did this for rick so as promised my personal headcanon on the trajectory of michonne's feelings for rick

the most fun thing for me about this is that even though i would say that michonne is generally quite emotionally astute, it actually takes her way waaaaay longer than rick to be able to recognize what's going on between them

rick and michonne are so similar in terms of the things that drive them, that move them, that are most important to them (as gimple said: they have the same soul) and her entire approach to their relationship is basically tied into the fact that she and rick had inverse experiences at the very beginning of the apocalypse. he set out to find his family and did. whereas michonne had her family and lost them.

so she closes it all down, decides to just go away, but she can't really escape who she is, so she helps andrea. and this starts the recurring pattern in michonne's character arc where she repeatedly comes to these decision points where she has to make a choice between giving in to the nothingness or being herself (someone who is loving, compassionate, a protector) and every time she makes the choice to be true to herself, it invariably leads her to rick and their family

so from the moment they meet in s3 she is also viscerally drawn to him the same way he is to her, and like him there is no way she's in a place to even begin to process this. but she sought him out specifically because she was making that choice, to look for connection and community, and she sees who he is pretty much immediately, and so extends him this profound trust over and over again because who he is, what she sees in him, is fundamentally why she wants to be a part of that community.

in 4a, michonne's trauma has her turned every which way. she's already grown attached to rick and to carl and her reaction to this is to keep one foot out the door; to not be fully present for the community. to try to keep her distance even though while she's away she's still obviously thinking about her grimes boys all the time, i.e. bringing them back gifts, etc. and then the prison falls and it seems to justify her caution.

in 4b, she comes to one of those decision points and when she chooses to seek connection and community, it returns her to rick and carl. in my other post i note that this is where rick claims her as a grimes, but this is also where michonne fully commits. she claims them too. she accepts that they are hers. and of course we all know, and danai has even pointed out, the exact moment michonne fully falls in love with rick, when it clicks somewhere inside of her that it's only ever going to be him. but she's still nowhere near ready to consciously face that.

in 5a and through to 5b, just like rick she's not spending time examining what they've become. it just is. that's her family. they belong to each other.

towards the end of 5b, when rick starts to Realize, michonne doesn't because she instead actively sublimates the fact that she is in love with rick, that she has regained what she lost during the turn, into her general dedication to community. she puts everything into trying to shepherd their community without acknowledging her personal stake. which is what leads us to:

the end of 5b and through 6a during which michonne has to have 3 or 4 different people pretty much say to her face HEY YOU GET THAT YOU’RE MARRIED TO RICK AND RAISING CHILDREN WITH HIM RIGHT? YOU GET THAT BEYOND FOSTERING A COMMUNITY ON A MACRO LEVEL YOU HAVE A WHOLE ASS HUSBAND AND TWO KIDS? YOU GET THAT YOU DESERVE TO EMBRACE THIS THING THAT IS FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY AND LIVE A FULL LIFE?

but that final wall is so hard to get past because that wound is so deep, she has to sit with all of that for a good long while (she's working up to it), and it still takes carl basically openly declaring that she's his mother and rick actually making the move before she finally lets herself see, in that moment, what was already long since there.

and it's just very delicious to me personally that from 4a on rick was hers for the taking, honestly. all she had to do was say the word, but she wasn't ready to take him until that moment on the couch.

#talmbout #richonne #twd

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alexandria-millie · 8 months

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I think my biggest issue with the way that Bucky’s trauma was handled in FATWS was that it focused entirely on the bad things he did as the Winter Soldier and at no point brought up the torture and abuse he was subjected to during his 70+ years as a prisoner of war. Addressing Bucky’s feelings of guilt is fine. That’s something that previous movies established, and of course it’s a part of the healing process. The problem is that every single time we see or hear about Bucky’s time with Hydra, it only ever references the parts where the Winter Soldier did something bad.

CATWS and CACW both showed the Winter Soldier doing bad things, and CACW even touches on Bucky’s guilt over it. The difference is that they also made sure to show the abuse Bucky was subjected to (the bank vault scene in TWS and the opening scene of CW for example). So yes, we know that the Winter Soldier was a ruthless assassin, but we also know that Bucky was subjected to horrific torture and stripped of his agency in order to make the Winter Soldier be that way. FATWS just glosses over all of that. The only scene we get (and it’s a great scene, to be fair) that addresses the horror of Bucky’s treatment by Hydra is the flashback to him in Wakanda when the triggers are finally removed. But then that scene feels really out of place when the rest of the series presents Bucky’s past as though it was something he had some sort of active choice in. I mean, one of the main plot points of the show involves Super Soldier Serum, and yet never once is it acknowledged that Bucky’s serum was the result of non consensual experimentation being done on him. It’s a perfect opportunity to address the complex feelings Bucky must have about it and they just waste it.

At the end of the day, it really flies in the face of the foundations set by the previous movies. Bucky is a victim, that’s clear, so why does FATWS feel the need to act like he has some responsibility for what happened to him? Why did they decide that when it comes to their character suffering from PTSD, they were only going to focus on how potentially dangerous he is? It’s just flat out poor writing tbh.

#fatws #fatws bucky #bucky barnes #ptsd

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cherryfennec · 5 months

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Okay I love your most recent art work of Mario and Mr. L!!! I’m just curious how on earth did you draw their hats so well?? Especially the brim of their hats?! Hats are the one thing I struggle with when drawing them! I can’t make it look believable!

Hi! First of all thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you like the art! Now as for hats (more specifically Mario and Luigis type) there can be different ways you might go about drawing them.

(I should probably mention at the beginning that I am not an expert and sometimes struggle myself as well. Despite this I'll try my best to explain how I usually approach it.)

Let's start with brims because they seem the most problematic (as I see it.)

What I'm going to talk about might already be intuitive for a lot of people, including myself, however I thought it'd be a good idea to break down the mindset so everyone is on the same page and those who have trouble seeing it can hopefully understand stuff better.

First it's obviously the idea. No real details, just the general idea. With it we'll be able to establish the basic rules for what you're drawing, most importantly the angle and perspective.

Now this is going to be pretty self explanatory but: if I'm drawing a character looking up I know that the bottom of the brim will be visible, if the characters looking down it won't and etc. An easy way to check which parts of the brim will be visible from a specific view point is to imagine it as a slab.

Now this isn't anything mind blowing, I know, but saying this out loud can be handy and save you some overthinking.

Alright, let's talk about the hat itself now!

In most of the pictures I could find of the bros hats they're divided into two parts: the front, which is taller and slightly spiked up, and the back, which is noticeably shorter. Now this kinda goes back to the idea of simplifying shapes:

At some point it unfortunately becomes rather difficult to explain why some stuff is drawn the way it is because it's kinda justified by: "that's how the real life counterparts act". Above everything I highly recommend references, both irl and ingame ones. It's not embarrassing to use them, trust me, no one will criticise you and they'll help!

Now that we got the brim and the hat, let's put the two together!

There isn't really a strict order of how you should draw things, everyone has different preferences and processes which should be taken into consideration. For example, I personally like to draw the entire head before I touch on the cap:

(I added the hair and colours for the sole purpose of this post, this process is usually done during rough sketching.)

This way I have a point of reference where the brim ends (right before the ear for me) and where I should place the middle line on the cap (it's a bit of a stylistic choice than anything but it also lets me know where the fold will be). You can find your own way and make your own rules and with time the process will get much easier! I hope this somewhat helps.

Just practice, have patience, experiment and most importantly: have fun!

#super mario #mario #luigi #mario bros #wario #waluigi #mario tennis #myart

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sleepyghostuwu · 14 days

Text

Aventurine Headcanons: Working with him

(A/N) Just some goofy ahh headcanons I made for our goofy ahh gambler because I like him very much (I'm patiently waiting and saving up for his banner). These can be viewed from both a platonic and a romantic POV ;) Enjoy~!

Cw: Alcohol and gambling mentions, subtle spoilers to his backstory from HSR 2.1

First off, you're going to have one heck of a ride with this man

He's very snarky, so brace yourself for a hellish amount of attitude every time you interact with him for any purpose. It can and will get to the point that you actually start complaining about him at least once to your other friends and colleagues during breaks or even work itself.

Aeons forbid if aforementioned friends and colleagues counter your complaints with the argument that he's very handsome. As if being devilishly good-looking and charismatic is going to excuse his sass (Unfortunately, it does).

He can't help but chuckle whenever he finds out that you've been grumbling about him to pretty much the entire workplace. Not even the innocent janitors and cafe baristas are spared from your rants.

He also has a bad tendency to eavesdrop on your conversations whenever given the chance, solely for his entertainment.

He finds it amusing to "just so happen to pass by" when you're talking about anything (including your complaints about him messing with you), even more so when he decides to interject into the conversation when you finish talking, giving you a nasty surprise in the process.

"...I just can't stand having him around anymore!" Aventurine, who has been listening for the past 20 minutes: "Oh no, how awful of him." "SHUT UP, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"

Even when his sass continues to show itself to you, once the both of you get used to working together and get more acquainted with each other, you may even end up getting along with him pretty well, much to the surprise of both of you. Before you know it, when the time comes, the both of you are now good friends with each other.

If you think simply working with him in the same workplace is bad enough of an experience, imagine earning his friendship and unlocking a newer level of shenanigans he's about to pull off before you while you're at it.

Being more open to your company, Aventurine will make it a habit to drag you to the casino and bar after working hours to spend time with you.

You initially protest against his seemingly unhealthy obsession with gambling and alcohol, and often question out loud how his life is still put together, much to his amusement. As time passed, your nagging ceased, but of course, you still express concern towards that aspect of him.

He eagerly teaches you how to gamble your fortunes skillfully whenever you join him at the casino, but he only allows you three tries when it comes to playing around with the the assortment of gambling machines there, claiming that you were not ready to push your luck as far as he did with his.

He treats you to lots of drinks too. Being a regular at the bar, sometimes he boasts about having you as his companion to the bartender and the other patrons, much to your initial embarrassment.

He also makes outrightly crude jokes about colleagues he has beef with, after which you either burst out in boisterous laughter from the drinks and the same sense of humour, or you stare at him in disbelief and horror as you wonder if the both of you would be sued for his reckless remarks in public.

Sometimes you have to make Aventurine aware of his own alcohol tolerance as he downs one drink after another, even having to request a simple cup of soda for him to help him stay alert.

There are also times where he gets so wasted that you practically had to drag him home with you (you did not have his address) and leave him in a spare room for him to stay the night until he sobered up, something that he silently appreciates you for. In return, he genuinely tries to make work easier for you and tones down his attitude just a teeny bit as a way of showing his gratitude.

Needless to say, having you look out for him is a big win, both for you and the man himself.

If you've managed to reach this part of your relations with Aventurine, congratulations. You've hit the jackpot.

As the both of you spend more time together, bantering during working hours and (almost) getting financially and physically wasted at the casino bar every now and then, Aventurine slowly displays a starkly contrasting side of his flamboyant self.

While your initial outings with him were merely restricted to the casino bar, he gradually begins bringing you around a variety of places, most of which were noticeably quieter than what you thought was his taste.

Heck, he even brought you to the library once to read together with you, and you had trouble figuring out whether this was actually Aventurine you were going out with and not some quiet impostor from work who decided to steal you away after work.

That being said, you eventually find out that Aventurine has a much softer side of him that he has been keeping in the dark, one that he finally decided that he felt safe sharing with you.

You also find out that he likes drawing as a hobby and is surprisingly good at it, though most of the time he makes Gepard-skill level of doodles of his colleagues and higher-ups out of spite.

You joke once about sending those doodles to their respective art subjects as gifts, and when an amused Aventurine agrees, you honestly can't tell if he was playing along or seriously considering your suggestion.

Having grown closer to him, you also can't help but suddenly feel more curious about who he is, not as the extravagant and sometimes obnoxious member of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC, but rather as a person, whatever his real name may be.

You asked him about the barcode-like tattoo on his neck once, though from the way he tensed up at your question, you decided that this man (unsurprisingly) had some walls up, and for now, it was not yours to break through by force.

On the bright side, at least you know him a lot better compared to most people around him. For Aventurine, that will be more than enough...for now.

#hsr #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine x reader #aventurine x reader #aventurine #hsr aventurine #hsr headcanons #aventurine headcanons #platonic #romantic #like i said. both works ;)

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deathshallbethelastenemy · 9 months

Text

you know i adore you (3)

TEEN!gojo x FEM!reader (soulmate AU)

TW⚠️: gojo's being a little manipulative, angst, mentions of death and blood, mostly fluff tho

1: what you see, i see

2: where you go, i go

A/N: gojo is so 1989 coded

Her phone had buzzed for the tenth time during her student council meeting, and for the tenth time, she ignored it. She didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who it was.

Who knew Gojo Satoru would be so clingy? And here she thought she would be the one hanging on his coat tails. Not that they were dating because they weren't. They were friends with emphasis on friends - she had decided that after the high of finally seeing each other face to face.

The morning after was very clarifying for her. She tried to remember her dream the night, only to realize that Satoru had not slept the entire night - he had been watching her sleep the entire night. It was especially clarifying when her mom knocked on her door, and she processed that not only did she have a strange boy in her room, but that he was also soaked in blood. A hectic morning of her hiding her soulmate in the bathroom. It didn't help that he was complaining the entire time - it was a miracle her mother didn't hear him.

Fact of the matter is it would be irresponsible for her to start seeing him romantically without actually getting to know him first and she was a responsible person. So responsible that for the time being, she had to put student council duties first over her friendship with him, especially with the festival coming up.

She would call him after the meeting was over, "Now, do we have everything prepared for the festival tomorrow?"

Everyone nodded as they checked classrooms, and fixed decoration, and they put up the banner outside of the school that would be welcoming everyone in. After this task was done, she would leave.

From atop a ladder, she tied the elastic ribbons into a bow and smoothed the banner over with her hand, "Everything alright on that side?"

Her peer smiled at her from the other ladder directly on the other side of the banner, "Yeah!"

She climbed down the ladder and looked at their handiwork. It was perfect. All that was left was to go get her things.

One of her classmates giggled besides her, "Your boyfriend's here again."

"Who's boyfriend?" She asked.

The girl pointed at the entrance of the school, "Yours." She smiled cheerfully at him, "Hi, Gojo!"

And there he was, walking over to them - pouting.

This was her fault she should've known he would show up if didn't at least answer one of his calls or texts.

"We've been over this." She said, "He is not my boyfriend."

"Does he know that?" The girl said.

Another classmate chimed in, "Why not? he's super cute."

She hoped Satoru hadn't heard that. His ego was big enough as it was.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled his head in her neck, he said, "Yeah, I am super cute. Why not?"

Of course, he heard them. He looked at her expectantly over his glasses. He really was adorable when he wanted to be, enough that all of her classmates (boys and girls alike) practically swoon for him when he does anything.

She ignored him, "Meetings over. Everyone, go home."

Satoru huffed in annoyance but didn't let go of her, "Why don't you answer your phone?" He tilted his head so she could see more of his vibrant blue eyes despite his glasses, "A text would've been enough."

She fought the urge to run her hands through his hair, "I told you I had a student council meeting today." She twisted in his arms to face him, "and I told you that I wasn't going to be able to call or text until after."

He buried his face in her neck again and groaned, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did."

This was a little more than friendly, she knew that, but she also learned at the beginning of their friendship that he also didn't know what personal space was. Besides, she would stop him before he got too far, but she would admit, she liked it when he daringly pressed his lips on her neck to test just how far he can push the boundaries she had set for them. But today, she would enforce them.

She tugged his head back from her neck, "I have to go get my school bag, Satoru."

She stilled as he leaned in and kissed her in the corner of her mouth. Another thing he did to see how far he could go.

She pursed her lips, "That's more than friendly."

He raised an eyebrow, "You mind today?" And let out a dramatic sigh, "it's cause people are watching, isn't it?" He shifted all of his weight on her, "I'm a dirty little secret!"

She finally hugged him back. Not to actually hug him but keep them from toppling over.

She heard footsteps and giggles as her classmates walked past her and Satoru, "Yeah, he's totally not your boyfriend."

She saw a glimpse of Satoru's cheeky smile before he stuck his lower lip out and rubbed his cheek against hers.

And like clockwork, "Aw~"

She glared at her peers, "Do not encourage his behaviour."

They all snickered as they left.

She rolled her eyes at them and grabbed Satoru's cheeks with one hand forcing his lips to pucker as they looked at each other, "Stop." She pushed him off of her and finally, went to go get her belongings.

She sighed when Satoru slipped his hand in hers. If she pulled away he would whine for the rest of the day, so she let their fingers intertwine.

His eyes wandered away from her from time to time. She closed her eyes for a second. Little spectres were staring at them, peeking their heads from their hiding spots, and whenever, Satoru directed his gaze at them they'd duck back into their hiding spots in fear.

Oh.

She opened her eyes and quickened her steps. Her soulmate kept up with her new pace with ease. She opened the door and quickly picked up her school bag, but Satoru took it from her hand before she could sling it around her shoulder and swung it over his instead.

"Those curses shouldn't scare you. You know, they're too scared to come out and hurt anyone," he said, "They're too weak."

She grabbed her phone from the table, "You know I can't see them the way you can."

He pressed a kiss on her temple, "I can handle them, no problem."

She rested her head on his arm. He was right if any curse dared to rear out their ugly heads against them he would excorcise it easily. She was safe. They were safe.

She flipped her phone open as they walked out of the school.

47 MISSED CALLS from Gojo Satoru

He was not serious.

83 TEXT MESSAGES from Gojo Satoru

Oh God.

2 TEXT MESSAGES from Geto Suguru

Geto.S: He's being insufferable

Geto.S: Answer so he'll stop whining to me and Shoko

She shoved her phone in his face, "For real?!"

"You weren't answering!"

She shook her head as she went through the text messages.

Gojo.S: Wanna go check out the new boba place <3

Gojo.S: Whatcha ya doing? :3

Gojo.S: Oh right student council

Gojo.S: How long is it gonna to take?

Gojo.S: it's been 30 minutes :(

Gojo.S: Pls answer the phone </3

Gojo.S: meeting boring

Gojo.S: Ditch :D

She skimmed the rest of texts until she got near the end.

Gojo.S: The decorations look great!! :b

Gojo.S: r ya seriously going to check every classroom?

Gojo.S: For real?????

Gojo.S: ______ <3

Gojo.S: Suguru punched me :(

Gojo.S: kiss it better pls

Gojo.S: How much longer?????

Gojo.S: A ladder for what???

Gojo.S: :'(((((((((

Gojo.S: <////////////3

Gojo.S: I'm heading over there

She flipped her phone close, "You are such a stalker, Satoru."

He gasped offendedly, "I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not!"

"Really?" She said, "What about the time you were literally watching me sleep for hours?"

"I wasn't myself that day." He quickly added, "and you were sad all day! What kind of soulmate would I be if I didn't let you know I was okay?"

"How'd you know where I live?" She retorted.

"It's a cute little bakery!" He smiled, "how is anyone supposed to miss that."

"Uh huh," she hummed, "suuureee~"

She was right, Satoru had somewhat stalked her that day and with how empowered he felt - he tracked down the very little cursed energy she did have with his six eyes.

"You stalk me too!" He pushed back.

"Hardly."

She was lying, but there was a difference between his stalking and her stalking. She only wanted to make sure he was safe. After what happened a few months ago, she couldn't help it and she only stalked him when he goes on missions not for everyday things like he does.

"Liar," Satoru said, "I can tell. I have really good eyes and senses."

She blushed, "It is not the same." Stupid six eyes, "You stalk me for no reason."

"It's not for 'no reason' - I miss you." He readjusted the straps of her school bag on his shoulder, "Besides, you don't have to worry about me like that anymore. No one can get the jump on me like that again."

She knew what he meant: I'm stronger now. Don't worry, I'm not dying anytime soon, and he was right. Nothing could touch him anymore unless he wanted it to, even her. Still, he didn't know what it felt like to have him gone from her soul. It wasn't a fading feeling of him slipping away - No, it was violent and soul wrenching - he was viscerally ripped from her. She was left cold and alone with her heart being the only one left beating. She was with him the whole time when he was desperately trying to learn and understand reverse curse technique to heal his bloody and dying body. All Satoru knew was that she cried.

Soft lips pressed against her cheek and then to the other. It was so sweet, so wonderful she hadn't realized she was crying.

"Is that why we aren't dating yet?" He continued to kiss her tears away, "you scared?"

She hadn't cared for him then and she fell apart. Imagine the damage it would do to her if she was in love with him? Her lip quivered at the thought. With a shaky breath, she buried herself in his chest in a hug, and nodded.

Satoru soothingly ran his long, slender fingers through her hair, "My girl's a bit of a little cry baby, ain't she?"

Her heart fluttered, my girl.

"I have every right to cry," she mumbled stubbornly in his chest.

He kissed the top of her head, "Yeah, you do." He tilted her chin up so she would look at him, "Boyfriends give more kisses you know."

She smiled as she wiped her tears, "No fair, I'm emotionally vulnerable right now."

Satoru's lips pressed ever so softly on hers. It was barely even a kiss, but she melted in his arms all the same. It would be so easy to fall into him and he would catch her every time. Yet, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

She was right. He shouldn't take advantage.

He sighed... if time was what she needed then he could wait a little longer.

Part 4: i'm crazier for you

Gojo: y'all be scared to double text? Not me! Ding ding ding it's me again bitch!

Part 5: baby, you're the life of the party

Part 6: something's made your eyes go cold

Let me know if you wanna be tagged!

@phoenix666stuff @96jnie @mr-underhills-things @whatamidoing89

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raeofsunrise · 4 months

Text

skate to me

pairing: clapton davis x gn!reader

summary: !BASED OFF A REQUEST I FORGOT TO ATTACH THIS TO! clapton was absolutely astonished when he saw that the person who skated right by him in the hallway was right here, next to him, in his science class.

warnings: light cursing, i think?? i’m not fucking sure at this point

word count: 1.0k

author’s note: so sorry it took me like a whole month to get back! 😭this has been crazy ass couple of months, and i just couldn’t get anything out if i tried. i honestly think that i might take a break on writing for clapton and characters like mike, simply because i don’t think i have any motivation to write for them. i don’t wanna let you guys down, but i also don’t wanna write crappy fics, either. i’ll say on a separate post who i’ll be writing for. thanks so much for your guys support! and with that, enjoy ☆

clapton thought he was the only one who skated through the hallways of grizzly lake highschool. it wasn’t like he gatekeeped it or anything, but it was his thing. and everyone knew that.

so when he felt you brush against him in the hallway this morning, he barely got a glimpse of your shoes and purple hoodie before you skated away. it frustrated him—

wait, skated?

he thought he was crazy. he had to have hallucinated those rollerskates. but the sound when you rushed by him, those had to have been rollerskates. but nobody else but him did that. that was his thing. besides his ego being a bit affected, he was more excited than anything. maybe he could make a new friend. he’d never met anyone else who skated, especially at school. but where did you go? no, more importantly, what class were you in? clapton was not famous for being patient, so this would be difficult.

he begrudgingly made his way to science class, upset that he might not see you until passing period, where the hallway would be filled with what felt like thousands upon thousands of people. no way he was gonna see you during that. and if he tried to find you during lunch? he’d definitely look like a total creep. so this was a lose lose situation. he’d never be able to talk to the stranger with the skates.

this made clapton’s walk to class even more frustrating. throughout the whole day, all he could hope for was to hear your skates against the ground. but he didn’t. not once. it was the end of the day, and he was heading to his last class. clapton was just about done with everything when he saw a pair of skates next to a desk. and just above that desk was a purple hoodie. and even more above that was probably the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen.

he was practically just standing and staring in the doorway. of course you weren’t staring back at him, he thought. you were busy listening to music and getting ready for class, getting your notebooks and everything.

clapton didn’t move until another student shoved him out of the way so they couldd get through, muttering something under their breath in the process. clapton couldn’t care less, though. because there was an open seat next to you and what perfect timing was it that he was the only person who hadn’t sat down yet? this coincidence made him believe that maybe there was a god. maybe it was you.

his mood an entire 180 from how it was less than 2 minutes ago, he sat down right next to you, waiting for you to notice him like an excited child.

not noticing someone had sat next to you, you weren’t expecting someone to be right next to you. normally, as far as first days go, people liked to haze the new kid. so someone looking eager to talk to you was not a good sign.

“hi,” you say slowly, going to look at him.

“hey there, gorgeous.” he said. as soon as that came out of his mouth he knew that was a big yikes. (ayo?? 😟)

your eyes widened. what the hell was his problem?

“woah, coming off a little strong there, aren’t we?” you ask.

how could he save this already trainwreck of a conversation? if he could even call it that.

“sorry, don’t know why i said that. i just, uh,”

shit, shit, shit! think of something clapton!

“you skate, right? that’s pretty cool. i do, too.” he held up his skate board.

still suspicious and not at all buying this “no ill-intentions” act, you pull your skates closer to your desk.

“yeah, i do.”

he continues, “well i just thought that since we both skate we could—“

but he was cut off, as class had apparently started while you two were conversing and your teacher was not happy with either of you.

clapton heard the teacher say both of your last names, followed by a very stern “detention!”

this wasn’t anything surprising to him, but one look at you told him that this was not how you were expecting your first day to go.

you rolled your eyes and shot him a dirty look.

“thanks a lot, davis.”

so instead of a trainwreck, his attempt to talk to you was a total and complete fuck-up.

great.

——————

the end of class came painstakingly slow, and he saw you hurrying to head out so you didn’t have to walk to detention with him. i mean, could he blame you. he practically screwed over your entire day.

clapton always took himself as an optimist, so maybe he could still save this. right?

as you put on your skates, unaware that this might land you in even more trouble, you felt someone tap you on your shoulder.

there was nobody else left in the classroom besides you and the person who you did not wanna see. so you turn around, and with no surprise, there was the douche who landed you in detention.

“oh, are you here to get me suspended, too?” you ask.

he couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

“yeah, i deserve that. sorry about all…this, by the way. i really didn’t mean for you to get in trouble.” he said.

damn, you thought. he’s not a bad actor.

you smiled a not-so-friendly smile back at him. “sure, you didn’t.”

you try to skate away and out of the classroom, but he catches up to you on his skateboard.

“no, seriously! i just wanted to talk to you. i’ve never met anyone who also skates, and i just thought you were really cool and pretty and—“

you stopped skating ahead of him a while ago, but he didn’t notice that, so he kept skateboarding right into an open locker’s door.

you let out a laugh that definitely let every teacher in the vicinity know you weren’t where you were supposed to be right now, but you couldn’t help it.

clapton got up, rubbing the side of his face.

you walk up to him and pat him on the cheek.

“okay, i believe you.” you say, crossing your arms afterwards.

he lets out a smile that you’re pretty sure you’re gonna have to get used to.

“anything i can do to make it up to you?” he asks.

you take off your backpack and shove it in his arms.

“carry this for me?” you say.

“that’s the least i can do.”

#josh hutcherson #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #clapton davis #clapton davis x reader #josh hutcherson x reader #josh futturman x reader #peeta mellark x reader

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cherienymphe · 1 year

Text

The Less I Know The Better (JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron)

Warnings: eventual NON-CON, eventual DUB-CON, violence, public sex, jealousy, underage drinking, drug use, manipulation, eventual loss of virginity, mild unhealthy relationship, one sided kiara x jj, non canon ages, pogue!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | divider by @firefly-graphics

➥ series masterlist

summary: When you start dating Rafe Cameron, no one is more surprised than you when your best friend JJ takes it really well. However, no one is more surprised than JJ when he’s forced to see his once frumpy BFF in an entirely new light, suddenly terrified of losing what he never knew he had to the person he hates most.

You stood in front of your friends, hands clasped together at your front as they all just…stared. The silence was awkward, lasting for a few seconds as they marinated on what you’d just told them. Pope was slowly blinking, like he was trying to actually process the words. John B. looked like you’d just asked him to divide 5,674 by 2 in his head. Kie’s lips were parted in slight shock, and JJ… JJ looked like you’d just told him the worst joke in the world.

But they all sported a deep frown on their faces.

Sarah was the only one who didn’t react, arms folded over her chest as she stared past you, long prepared for this conversation. Once the short and tense silence was over, they all seemed to react at once, telepathically deciding that you were playing some sort of prank on them. You pressed your lips together as they laughed.

“Y/N, you know April isn’t for like…another year, right?” Kie said with a chuckle, looking relieved at what she thought was only a joke.

You resisted the urge to sigh, dropping your hands.

“I’m not joking.”

“You have to be,” John B. cried with a smile, looking to Sarah. “Sarah, come on. Are you in on this?”

It was only when Sarah didn’t say anything, coolly staring back at her boyfriend, did they all understand the seriousness of what you were saying. One by one, their voices and smiles seemed to die, looking between you and Sarah. This was the part you dreaded the most, the part where they finally believed and accepted that you were dating Rafe.

Rafe Cameron.

“What?”

You closed your eyes at the sound of an all too familiar voice, his tone lowering to a point that you only witnessed when he got really mad. When you opened your eyes, you kept your gaze on the floor, refusing to look up until you gathered your thoughts.

“Sarah?”

Kie.

“Y/N…?”

Pope.

“It’s…true,” Sarah finally spoke up, and your eyes briefly met hers. “It was a lot to process at first, but…Y/N and my brother are dating, and I’m okay with it.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” JJ said, jumping to his feet, having not expected that. “What do you mean you’re okay with it? What do you mean you’re dating Rafe?”

He was talking to you now, walking towards you, and you almost regretted turning down Rafe’s offer to be here during this lovely conversation. There was no doubt in your mind that it would be a lot worse with him present. JJ’s eyes were wide, gaze pleading for you to say something, say anything that would make it untrue.

“He likes me…and…it turns out that I like him too.”

JJ’s eyebrows rose at that, and you almost felt like you were on the other end of a scolding.

“For his personality?” Kie asked, disgusted.

“I was surprised too,” you murmured.

John B. had his palms pressed together, hands pressed against his mouth, and Pope had his arms crossed, still fighting to process all of this. JJ opened and closed his mouth, struggling to say something before deciding on gently grabbing your arm and pulling you away.

“How long has this been going on?” he whispered.

He wasn’t as quiet as he intended, and Pope spoke up, having heard.

“Yeah, how long has this been going on?”

“It’s still new,” you addressed the room, and JJ’s frown deepened.

“That didn’t exactly answer the question,” he said, resting his hands on his hips.

You knew that everyone was waiting for your answer, and you glanced over, watching as Sarah gestured to you, letting you know that this one was on you. You sighed, glancing away.

“A few weeks.”

You ignored the reactions, choosing instead to hesitantly lift your gaze to meet JJ’s. His face had fallen, and your own heart clenched at the hurt in his eyes, knowing exactly the reason why.

“A few weeks?” he slowly repeated, voice soft.

You didn’t say anything.

“…and you didn’t tell me?”

You glanced down, trying to find a way to nicely explain your fear of his overreaction. You and JJ told each other everything. It had been that way your entire lives, and as far as you knew, this was the first secret between you two. If you were in his position, you knew you’d feel hurt too, but you both also knew what he was like.

With that thought, you shrugged, gesturing to him with a pointed look.

“Okay,” he relented, running his hands through his hair with a nod. “I get it. Kind of…proving you right, right now.”

He huffed, looking out of the window. You frowned at the way his jaw clenched, some blond strands falling back into his face.

“You’re my best friend,” you told him, and he rolled his eyes. “…and if it wasn’t for the fact that Sarah is his sister, you would’ve been the first person I told.”

“It’s true,” Sarah chimed in from across the room. “She wanted my approval and everything before she even agreed to go on a date with him.”

JJ looked like he was going to be ill at that, but he swallowed it down, shaking his head.

“I know we don’t have the best history with him…”

You trailed off, shrinking in on yourself as JJ gave you a look that could’ve soured milk.

“That is an extremely mild way of putting it,” you heard Pope slowly whisper.

Everyone was silent, the room so quiet that you could’ve heard a pin drop. No one was saying anything, watching and waiting for JJ’s reaction, and you knew why. Sure, they all were your best friends, but JJ was your best friend. You and John B. still argued sometimes over who was his first friend.

You’d grown up together, practically since you both could walk. He looked out for you in ways that your brother should have before he took off, the only reason you’d been able to weather middle and high school. Bitchy teenage girls didn’t like to bother you when JJ was around, and he was always around.

There’d been so many times where you’d felt beyond guilty at having to rely on him to protect you from the world. Having to crash at his place or wear his jacket or have him fight whatever battles you were too chicken to fight yourself. It didn’t matter to you that he was happy to do all of that, but just the mere fact that he even had to.

JJ wasn’t just your best friend, but your very own protector.

Everyone knew it, and everyone knew just how protective he could get over the closest thing he had to a sister. It was his reaction that mattered the most, because even though it was Sarah’s approval you felt you needed, it was JJ’s that you wanted. And no one would say it aloud, especially you, but there seemed to be an unspoken opinion that if he was absolutely against it, you and Rafe wouldn’t be lasting very long.

You suspected that JJ knew it too, and he let out the longest sigh.

“You really like him?” he finally asked, the most disgusted frown on his face.

“Yes,” you told him without hesitation, and JJ seemed to be dreading that.

His lips parted before he pressed them together, dragging his bottom one between his teeth as he reached up to clasp his hands on the back of his neck. His gaze rested on the ceiling, seemingly fighting with himself. You watched him blink a few times before he lowered his head back down, a deep frown on his face as he held your gaze.

“…and…he’s good to you?”

You couldn’t stop your smile, and JJ grimaced.

“Yes!”

JJ rolled his eyes like he found that hard to believe, and his head drooped.

“Don’t do it, man,” you heard John B. loudly whisper, accompanied by Pope’s soft ‘be strong’.

JJ exhaled, dropping his hands and straightening. He tilted his head at you, face entirely unamused as he pressed his hands together.

“Well, if you’re happy…then I will try to be happy for you-.”

JJ didn’t even finish his sentence before you pulled him into a hug. He didn’t return it, but you didn’t care, and you looked over at Sarah with a wide grin. Kie looked somewhat shocked, blowing out a breath.

“It’s official, I guess.”

“You’re actually dating Rafe,” John B. said, dazed by this turn of events.

JJ eventually hugged you back.

“He’s not that bad, guys, really…”

This was when JJ pulled away with a noise of disgust, and you laughed.

“I’m serious. You have to admit that he’s so much better than what he used to be,” you pointed out, and Pope thought it over, reluctantly agreeing.

“I take it you have something to do with that?” JJ murmured, searching John B.’s fridge for a beer.

“Unknowingly, but yes.”

“How did this even start?” Kie asked, and all the guys made noises of protest.

“I’d rather you girls giggle about that with each other. I, for one, want to be spared the details,” Pope spoke up, and Kie hit him with a pillow.

“Fine. We’ll happily talk about that some other time. I’m just happy this went so much better than I expected,” you said, plopping down in a chair. “…and to think Rafe actually wanted to be here for this.”

“Thank God you said no,” Sarah commented, in agreement with you on that.

When JJ sat back down, you were relieved that the conversation moved onto something else. You’d been so worried that things would be weird, and now you were confident that they wouldn’t be. You were dating Rafe, and nothing had to change, and that put a small smile on your face. You softly chuckled to yourself, and when you glanced up, your eyes met familiar baby blue’s.

You threw JJ a thankful smile, a silent conversation passing between you to promise to talk more about this later. JJ brought the beer up to his lips, gaze unwavering as he stared at you over the bottle. When he lowered it, he reluctantly returned your smile.

“You know I think this is the worst thing ever, right?”

“JJ, please,” you begged, warming up some leftovers.

It was hours later when the group dispersed and went their separate ways, and in true fashion, JJ tagged along with you to your house. Both of your parents were at work, and it wasn’t unordinary for either or both of them to get home late into the night. He usually kept you company on nights like that.

“I’m just saying,” he defended, hands up.

While you knew that JJ accepted this for your sake and because he knew how much it meant to you, you also knew you were going to get an earful the minute you were alone.

“Walk me through this, please,” he continued, hopping to sit on your counter. “Rafe an asshole to us for years, some of us get into literal physical fights with Rafe, Rafe confess he like you, you like him back, you date.”

You turned around, sending him a soft glare to let him know you didn’t find him funny.

“What else am I supposed to think?” he wondered in response to that, raising an eyebrow at you.

You looked down at the change in his voice.

“We’re best friends, and I know that I hate the guy, but… I love you more than I hate him.”

You looked up at that, and JJ’s face was surprisingly serious.

“…and I wish you would’ve told me. Even if I was angry for a whole week, not only do I think I have that right, but I would’ve gotten over it.”

“Really…?”

JJ sighed, hopping down and looking through your mom’s wine.

“We don’t keep secrets. Not us,” he said, finding something that piqued his interest. “…and if you had told me you had the hots for Rafe Cameron, I probably would’ve tried to slap some sense into you, sure, but that’s just us.”

You found this kind of relieving to hear, nibbling on your food. When he didn’t say anything else, you looked up to find him staring at you. He was struggling to open the bottle, but his gaze was on you.

“Well…?”

You frowned.

“Well, what?”

“Tell me how this happened.”

“Oh my God,” you groaned. “JJ, really?”

“Yes, really! You’ve be sneaking around with my mortal enemy for weeks, and I want to know how it even got to that.”

“Mortal enemy,” you scoffed, but you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. “When I said that I unintentionally had something to do with Rafe being just a little bit nicer to us lately, it was the truth.”

JJ, with a now open bottle, was pouring some wine in a glass.

“It sort of started when I was covering one of Kie’s shifts one day at The Wreck,” you told him. “He was surprisingly cordial, and I didn’t think anything of it, but I just seemed to keep running into him after that.”

“Stalker,” JJ mumbled, and you threw a ketchup packet at him.

“He was going out of his way to talk to me, to be nice to me, and considering this is Rafe, I definitely noticed.”

You weren’t looking at JJ now, staring past him as you thought about the day Rafe finally asked you out.

“We ran into each other at the beach one day…he apologized for how shitty he’d been in the past…and he told me that he’d been thinking about asking me out for a while,” you softly said. “I didn’t believe him, of course. I thought it was some nasty prank.”

Your tone shifted at that, and you didn’t need to look over to know that JJ’s eyes were on you. It wouldn’t have been the first time you got asked out as a joke, laughed at when you happily said yes or even humiliated when you got stood up. You’d never had good luck with guys, and JJ punching all of those assholes in the face never made you feel better.

You were just never the girl guys wanted to date.

“Then he started bringing me flowers…helping me carry groceries home. He even fixed that shotty gutter that my dad had been working on for months.”

When your eyes met JJ’s, they were wide, seemingly shocked at all of this.

“I finally accepted that he liked me,” you said with a shrug. “…and without even realizing it, over the course of months, I had started to like him too.”

Long having decided that the wine was disgusting, JJ turned the glass upside down in the sink, a slight frown on his face as he listened to all of this.

“I hated it, at first for obvious reasons. It’s like you said, he’s been an asshole to us for years. You guys have gotten into so many fights, and I felt like the worst friend-.”

“Hey, no,” JJ hurried to say, moving towards you. “You’re not.”

“…but I felt like it,” you tearfully said. “I kept thinking what could be wrong with me to like a guy like this.”

Your gaze found your feet.

“I kept thinking about what you guys would say and think of me, and it was driving me crazy,” you confessed. “…but I couldn’t ignore how sweet he’d been, how genuine…how vulnerable.”

When you looked at JJ again, his face was blank, no hint of humor as he intently listened to you and this side of Rafe he probably didn’t even want to know existed.

“I really like him JJ,” you choked out. “…and I don’t expect you guys to get along, but…I’m happy that you will try.”

The blond was silent for what felt like a long time, glancing away as his shoulders drooped.

“You don’t even date,” he finally groaned.

“Well, I had to start sometime!”

“With Rafe? Of all people?” he whined to himself. “…and, of course, you really like the guy.”

You rolled your eyes, just pleased that he was taking this well.

“If it was just sex or something, okay. Maybe I could get past that, but you’re talking about a relationship. With Rafe.”

“You promised to be happy for me,” you reminded him.

“I know, I did,” he said. “I just have to be really annoying about it first.”

“You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t.”

He waved you off, deciding to comb through your fridge for leftovers. As he did, you thought about how much relief you felt. The rest of the group knowing definitely took a weight off of your chest, but you weren’t completely relaxed until after your talk with JJ. He meant the world to you, and knowing his true thoughts and feelings put you at ease.

You hadn’t lied to him when you told him how torn up you’d been for months.

You were the last person in the world you ever expected Rafe to be interested in. While you didn’t exactly think you were that same girl you were in high school, you didn’t think you were anything to run home about either. You hated admitting it, but you thought Rafe was out of your league, so the knowledge that he liked you and you liked him back had sent you into a stressful downward spiral that had yet to be topped.

Boys didn’t even pay attention to you, let alone like you, so you’d been out of your element. If he’d been any other guy, you would’ve run to Kie and Sarah for advice immediately, but considering that Rafe was the guy in question, you’d been forced to cope on your own. Coincidental meetups at the beach and hushed conversations at The Wreck when Kie wasn’t around had finally wore you down.

Rafe excited you in a way that no one ever had before. He was always so intense, hanging onto your every word. He showered you with compliments and little gifts that you weren’t used to. He was always asking questions, wanting to know everything about you, and to put it plainly… Rafe made you feel like the only girl in the world.

You’d never known what that felt like.

And that was exactly what you’d told Sarah when you couldn’t take it anymore. Her eyes had been wide for various reasons, in disbelief as you tearfully spilled your guts to her behind her house one day. You couldn’t stop crying, so unsure of what to do, and the relief you’d felt as she had pulled you into a hug was palpable.

“Do you like him? I mean, really like him?”

Her hands had been on your shoulders, forcing you to look her in the eye.

“Yeah,” you had tearfully answered with a nod. “I like him a lot. I’m sorry, Sarah.”

“Don’t…don’t apologize for that,” she’d said with a sympathetic frown. “Rafe’s an ass, but… I’ve always kind of hoped someone would come along and tame him. I suspected for months that someone had, but I never would’ve guessed it’d be my best friend.”

You had sniffled.

“So…you’re not- you’re not mad?” you wondered, wiping your face.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “Look at you! You’re a mess! How can I be mad at you when you’re this torn up about it? Plus, you’re doing right by me and talking to me about it first.”

She hugged you.

“…and you see something in my brother that’s worth trying for. I can’t be mad at that,” she had whispered into your ear.

Your first date with Rafe had been that same weekend, and it had been everything you could’ve wanted for your first date ever. He’d made you feel pretty and comfortable and special. Sarah had helped pick the dress out, helped with your hair, and had stopped you from cancelling on him several times.

“What do I even say to a guy I’m on a date with?” you had whispered.

Sarah had paused mid-braid, eyes softening as they met yours in her mirror, understanding in them. She’d sent you an encouraging smile.

“Whatever you want. Rafe likes you for you, and that’s who you should be.”

She had made it sound so simple, and you were loathed to admit that it had been. You had wanted to tell the rest of your friends, especially JJ, almost immediately, but you kept chickening out. The longer it went on, the more nervous you got, and Rafe would notice.

“You have to eat something, babe,” he’d say when he noticed the way you’d just been pushing your food around at some fancy restaurant he’d taken you to in Charlotte.

“What if they hate me?”

“Then they’re even worse than I already thought they were.”

“Rafe,” you’d quietly cry, and he’d chuckle, taking your hand. “You’re not helping.”

He’d roll his blue eyes, dirty blond hair kissing his forehead.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? If things get a little rowdy…”

He’d trail off, and you’d shake your head.

“Believe me, that would just make things worse. JJ would love nothing more than to blame you for ‘corrupting’ me, and with you being right there, it would make it so much easier for him,” you sighed. “It has to be me. I have to make them understand that I really like you, and I wanted this.”

A smirk would dance along Rafe’s pink lips, and he’d lean in to brush them against yours.

“Damn right, you do.”

You put your bowl into the sink, faintly listening to JJ’s words as he talked about something wrong with his bike. As much as you grew to care about Rafe, no. You were sure that if JJ had been vehemently against it, you didn’t think you could go on dating him in peace. As a friend, you felt you had needed Sarah’s approval, but JJ meant the world to you, and his was the one you desperately wanted.

No one was more relieved than you when you got it.

“I told you,” you happily sighed, flopping down onto his bed. “You weren’t needed.”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that Rafe was a little miffed you were right. He leaned against his wall, arms crossed over his chest as he eyed you while you stared at the ceiling, kicking your legs.

“I won’t lie, I was worried, but everyone has grudgingly accepted what will be this new normal.”

“Uh huh,” you heard him say. “Everyone…?”

He was moving closer now, and before you could sit up, Rafe joined you. He crawled over you, chin resting on your stomach, and you looked down at him as he looked up at you. You played with his hair, pushing it back and running your fingers through it.

“Yes, everyone.”

He was silent for a moment.

“Even JJ?”

“Yes, even JJ,” you said with a chuckle. “He still hates you, for sure, and definitely thinks I need some sense slapped into me, but he’s happy if I’m happy.”

Rafe hummed at that, and you frowned at him. There was something on his mind, you could see it in his eyes, and you sat up, forcing him to too.

“What? What is it?”

Rafe never hesitated to speak his mind, even when you didn’t necessarily want him to, so his silence now was a little off-putting. He pressed his lips together, reaching for you and trailing a finger down your bare arm. You had dumped your jacket somewhere in his room earlier.

“You’re thinking something,” you accused.

“I’m thinking a lot of things,” he huskily whispered, eyes meeting yours with a wolfish grin on his lips.

You lightly hit him.

“Rafe! Tell me…”

He dramatically exhaled, leaning in and softly pressing his lips to your neck. He kissed along your skin, nose brushing over you, and you shuddered. Rafe was intense and borderline overwhelming for a lot of reasons, but in moments like this, especially so for the disparities in your experiences. If you thought about how many girls he’d slept with, you’d probably drive yourself insane, while you on the other hand…

You felt like it was obvious that you were so much less experienced than him, Rafe taking great pleasure in flustering you and making your heart pick up in pace. Whenever you were alone, he had to be touching you in some way, and maybe that could just be his love language, but something in you told you that he enjoyed making you squirm.

“I’m thinking…that I don’t want any problems out of JJ,” he slowly said, finally revealing his inner thoughts.

He pulled back to look at you, and you scoffed.

“I already told you that I talked to him. He’ll be on his best behavior,�� you assured him.

“Good,” he said, hands coming down to rest on either side of you where you sat. “…because you’re with me, now, and I won’t have a problem reminding him of that.”

“Do I need to make you promise you’ll be on your best behavior too?” you wondered.

The corner of his lips curved into a haughty smirk, and he tilted his head.

“…but you don’t like me when I’m good.”

“I’m serious.”

Rafe rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, and he leaned in to sweetly kiss you.

“I promise to be a good boy,” he murmured into the kiss, fingers trailing along your lower back. “Make sure your bestie does the same.”

#dark!jj maybank x reader #dark!jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #rafe cameron x reader #obx fic #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank x pogue!reader #rafe cameron x pogue!reader

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justarandompersononthehellsite · 5 days

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So... @muffinlance wrote a really awesome story. I read a post from a point in time, though I truly do not remember when since it seems like I've been working on this project forever, saying that she gives blanket permission for people to print and bind the story into a book (I think there was an also addendum saying that they do not give permission to be sold, since selling fic is illegal). This fic has had total control over my whole brain since it was sent to me (@creatorofthemind I believe it was you, so thank you forever for tuning me into it) back during the days of like chapter six or seven.

So here I am now, sharing this amazing journey of my first ever bookbinding adventure. Further reading below.

So to give you an idea of what's going on, this is a fanfiction about Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender) (animated show version, the LA show did not exist yet and we do not speak of the movie) being adopted by Hakoda, Father of Katara and Zuko. (This might have also been what kicked off the Give Zuko A Parent craze, but don't fact check me.)

Overall, the characters from the show stick very well to the cannon versions, but where MuffinLance really shines is in the rich backstories and fleshed out feeling of all the non cannon elements. Especially the background characters. I would argue that the writing in this peice of fanwork could easily rival the cannon show at many points of comparison.

Now that you have context, we can get into the actual process.

To start, I used this guide to figure out where to even begin, and fount the included resource list to also be quite helpful. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out where I found the template I used for the front matter and such, but it must be somewhere and I will link to it when I inevitably come across it again.

Then I began to typeset. This step took... a long time. I worked in chunks from about September of 2022 to late March of 2024. I would get a big section done, sometimes even the entire thing, but then find I hated the way I had done it and give up for months at a time. Such is the life of ADHD and flitting interest in projects I suppose.

And then finally, step one was done, and I was left with pages on a word document that look like this. (And do please let me know if you want the link to the document. It was so much work, and I would love to not be the only one to use it.)

Next step was printing out this beast. Ended up being about eight pages of front matter, and about 630 pages of body text.

That I printed wrong.

Twice.

Before finally getting it right. And then not getting a picture of it, because I finished at 4 am and had work at 7, and am also an idiot.

Then I simply stitched along, putting everything together into a beautiful text block.

And came up with a design for the cover.

Yes the glue did end up lumpy. Ignore it.

Yes I did have to sketch out the design onto a scraped page several times before I figured out what I was doing. Ignore that too.

The cover design does wrap around the entire cover. No I did not get a picture before I glued the thing down. See again: I'm an idiot. And just... massively impatient.

Finally, we get to the stage of gluing. Behold, my bookpress.

Of course, topped with Madam MuffinLances own actual professional-people book, Fox's Tounge and Kirin's Bone. It is Excelent. Here is the LINK so you can go and support this amazing author with the real-monies as well as the internet-kudos.

Then, once everything is glued together, one must give the book its "gilt" edges.

#atla #salvage #bookbinding #fanbinding #muffinlance #I'm a really big fan of this story and the characters ok?#They're really fun and I love them.

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wen-kexing-apologist · 4 days

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Unknown, Ep 10: Qian and Yuan

I’ve had a few people ask if I was going to do a breakdown post for the final scene between Qian and Yuan. Admittedly, I was not planning on doing so, but I like the attention 😈 so I will!

Last we left off, Qian and San Pang were having a very difficult conversation, San Pang forced Qian to think about the future and was kicked out as a result.

We start with a moment with each character to themselves. Qian closes the door behind San Pang and we see him hand at the door for a second, head hung in a way that feels very tired. He walks away from the door back to the couch to grab his glasses and wrap up the evening, when the camera cuts to Yuan sitting on the staircase, just out of sight of Qian.

We see Yuan look up at the ceiling, take a deep breath, and then slowly move his eyes back to center. He is processing everything that he just heard from San Pang and Qian. Yuan is trying to keep himself composed here, he knows that Qian will be heading up the stairs eventually and so he stays seated because he wants Qian to know that he heard everything. Because Yuan is fucking mad.

Qian heads up the stairs and we get, what could not be a more perfect little deer in headlights look from Qian as he processes that Yuan has heard everything. And I do love what this show does in how it portrays its characters because Yuan is still Qian’s little brother, and his face in the camera looks like that of an upset little kid. “Xiao Yuan,” Qian says as Yuan stands up and rushes down the stairs. In such a quick moment, Chris rolls his eyes, looks up, and then down like Qian is annoyed at Yuan’s behavior while knowing that he is absolutely going to have to be the one to handle it.

Yuan brushes past him, but Qian immediately turns and follows after him, calls after him, tells him to wait. But Yuan keeps walking. Where he’s going? I have no fucking clue, but it is clear that Qian’s words aren’t going to cut it. Yuan has heard everything that Qian told San Pang. He’s heard about Qian’s wish for their happiness, he’s heard San Pang tell Qian that they love each other, that they have tried everything to make them not love each other, and what he hasn’t heard is an answer to San Pang’s question:

“Do you want him to have a future without you?”

I don’t know exactly what (if any) part of the conversation acted as the tipping point for Yuan, but he has been pissed the entire episode about Qian hiding his medical stuff from him. So I can imagine that not hearing an answer from Qian about wanting to be in Yuan’s future might serve as a last straw kind of deal.

And it marks a very important change in Qian that he runs after Yuan this time, that he physically puts himself in front of Yuan to stop him. Because he doesn’t want Yuan to go somewhere to cool off the way he did during Yuan’s first confession four years prior. He doesn’t want to just wait it out. He actually wants to talk to Yuan about where his head is at. That is huge progress from Mr. Hit First Talk Later.

“Ge.” Yuan says, and then lets out a very big breath, like he’s trying to temper his feelings, but the frustration still bleeds out of him “It was never your fault,”

Ah, here we go. What set Yuan off is Qian talking with San Pang about the Russian Roulette, reading between the lines there and understanding that Qian is scared of giving in to his feelings for Yuan because he blames himself for how deeply, how steadfastly Yuan loves him. Yuan is willing to die for him, and Qian has never had that before. He’s scared of giving in to his feelings for Yuan because he is scared of losing Yuan, and he is scared that Yuan’s love for him means Yuan will be lost because of him.

“It was never your fault,” Yuan said and he put his hands on Qian’s shoulders.

I do not even know how to describe the look Qian gives Yuan when he heard those words, nor can I really tell you what emotion(s) Qian is feeling in that moment, but I can tell you that I am obsessed with that look on his face. It’s like his breath catches in his throat and there is an ambiguity there, just like there was a bit of ambiguity in the head nod he gave San Pang, because he’s out of breath from running after Yuan, but there is also this chance that the pause in his breathing there is because of what Yuan said. Anyway:

“Even though I know that in the end you might not want all that I’ve given-”

Yuan says, while Qian looks down in the direction of his shoulders, where Yuan’s hands were just a moment ago. They made excellent casting choices here, I actually think for this scene it is really important that Kurt is taller than Chris, because it adds some extra power to Yuan’s position for me here. The way Yuan looks down at Qian makes him seem even more pissed off about the entire situation, almost like he’s belittling Qian. He wants to dig a knife in here, and he’s being successful at it

“Hearing it first hand still hurts a little,”

And we are back in our original confession dynamic. Qian is not looking at Yuan, Yuan refuses to look away from Qian. Qian looks kind of out of it, I would say he is dissociating a little bit, but I actually think what is happening here is that Qian is getting hit with the full force of Yuan’s words. I think he is absorbing and processing everything that is being said and understanding how not making a decision is hurting Yuan. Mostly because of how quick his reaction time is to trying to stop Yuan from walking away immediately after he says it hurts.

“I’ll be fine. I just need some time.” Yuan says, and I do think he means it. I think when Yuan came back from the States he had reached a point where he could live without Qian changing their relationship status, even if he didn’t want to.

But as Yuan tries to walk away, Qian stops him.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” look at him using his words! Qian looks so fucking exhausted when he does. The world has weighed heavy on him for so long, he’s been fighting an internal battle with himself about his feelings for Yuan for ages. It’s a lot, and the way Chris holds Qian here makes it feel like a lot. But, Yuan finally settles, because Qian is willing to engage in conversation. He is trying to clarify a misunderstanding, he is not outright rejecting Yuan here, he is not running away from talking about his feelings for Yuan. And so Yuan can stay, because there is some hope left there for him to hold on to.

He releases another huge breath, he stretches for just a second, grounding himself. He looks back at Qian “Then what do you mean?”

Qian stares in to the void, then rolls his eyes upwards, closes his eyes, and sighs. Chris shakes his head a little, like Qian is giving up. Because he is giving up. Because Qian is about to say the words. He is about to admit that his feelings for Yuan aren’t clear cut. Yuan looks away from Qian in this moment, where Qian is getting himself together.

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“I can’t really figure out if it is love or something else that my feelings for you are.” And at the end of this, he isn’t running from the words anymore, because he looks at Yuan and Yuan is looking back at him. When Yuan first admitted his feelings, his suffering caused Qian to avoid eye contact. When Yuan returned, Qian couldn’t stop looking at Yuan. When listening to Yuan once again speak to his feelings and tell Qian he was hurting, Qian started in his comfort zone, in the old habits of looking away. But when he is actually admitting his feelings to Yuan, he does turn to look him in the eye. He isn’t avoiding it anymore.

“Is it the love of a brother? Can we really turn it into romantic love? I don’t know.” Qian is finally having the conversation he has needed to have with Yuan. This is confusing, how do you separate your feelings out? How do you know? What happens if things don’t go well? How much are you set to lose if things devolve?”

Yuan is capable of holding, understanding, and pushing that nuance, we’ve seen him do it before at the river. “This thing between us, is it because you don’t want or you don’t dare?”

“Yes.” Qian says “All I know is I can’t live without you.”

Yuan has seen that, San Pang and Lili have seen that, we have seen that. Qian wants to be careful with how he proceeds along this path, and he is right to do so. Because it is hard to determine, when you have known someone so long, when you have raised them, when you have seen them as a brother, when you have not had love outside of the family before, when that love has existed the entire time, and has been different the entire time, and how do you recognize that when you are in it?

There is a pause.

“Four years later, you came back.”

There is another pause.

I love these pauses. I love Qian putting space between these thoughts, whether he is scrambling internally for what to say, or whether he is hesitant to voice them, I do not know. I just know that I love love love when directors allow for breathing room.

“I saw your letter of last words.”

Qian stops looking at Yuan here. Another little pause.

“That’s when I started to feel scared.”

The camera cuts to a wide shot, where both Qian and Yuan are visible. And we can see Yuan reacting to what Qian is saying. Yuan also is not making eye contact, he is fidgeting a little. But he is listening intently to Qian’s words. The blocking of this shot is interesting to me too, because the way that Chris is standing has Qian facing Yuan, but we don’t see enough of Chris’ eyes here, so while it looks like Qian is looking at Yuan, that is not necessarily the case. We have seen him look away multiple times and his head barely moves.

Qian is talking in to the void, and Yuan is picking up the signal. Another pause, and right before Qian continues talking, Yuan turns to look at him with this look of surprise on his face. His mouth is slightly agape, his eyes look soft staring at Qian.

“I’m terrified,” Qian says. “What if you had no chance to come back? I don’t know what I would do.”

Yuan looks at Qian, looks away, looks up like he is trying to decide how to feel. What type of treatment he should be giving to Qian at this moment. Should he be bitter, should he be harsh, should he be soft?

“Wei Qian.” Yuan says

AND I WILL ONCE AGAIN SHAKE MY FIST AT THE SUBTITLES FOR TRANSLATING GE AS QIAN BECAUSE IT SO SEVERELY CUTS THE IMPORTANCE OF MOMENTS LIKE THIS ONE.

Qian cannot figure out his feelings! He can’t figure out if he loves Yuan like a brother or something more! So Yuan cuts the brother out of it. He calls Qian by his name. He calls him Wei Qian, he puts the separation up for Qian. Is this the love of a brother? That’s an easier question to answer when you aren’t being called ‘brother’. How do you feel when you aren’t being reminded of your connection?

I do not have the ability to describe the way Kurt’s mouth moves here, but I love the expression he gives Yuan as he finishes saying Wei Qian. He’s clearly going for a soft approach. Qian’s mouth, which hangs open just slightly, closes shut.

“I’ve told you. I can sum up my life in two words: Wei Qian.” A smile starts to creep up his face. That’s love, bitch! Yuan was pissed, but now that Qian has stopped him, not that Qian has voices his hesitations, now that Qian has admitted that he can’t live without Yuan, even if he doesn’t know what his feelings for Yuan are, the love Yuan has for Qian melts the anger and lets the love bleed through. “But I’m not making you take responsibility for me.”

This is a very important character trait of Yuan’s. One of the first things we saw of teenage Yuan was him grabbing one of the household bills. Yuan has been working side hustles while in school. He’s been helping pay the bills. He’s been as helpful as he possibly can be at all times, because this was a home he was given, not a home he was born in to.

GOD DAMMIT CHRIS IS SO GOOD. ALL HE DID WAS MOVE HIS EYEBALLS LIKE…TWO CENTIMETERS AND THAT WAS ENOUGH TO KILL ME.

Yuan is saying all the things that Qian needs to hear. Yuan can sum his life up with Qian, Qian fed him, Qian kept him warm, Qian gave him a home, Qian gave him love. Qian has seen Yuan as his responsibility since they were kids, but Yuan has wanted nothing but to be a support system for Qian. I said it before, that Yuan is the only person who continuously helps Qian to whom Qian is not beholden. Qian owes San Pang and his family, Qian owes Le and the gang, Qian owes Xiong. Qian does not owe Yuan. Qian does not see Yuan as someone that owes him.

That small little eye motion are some gears clicking in to place in Qian’s head. That small little eye motion is Qian well and truly listening to what Yuan is saying.

And here comes the parallel:

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“Did you come after me because you feel guilty, or because you care?” (this thing between us, is it because you don’t want or you don’t dare?)

A genuine question that Yuan is using to try to push Qian in to allowing himself finally see his feelings through to the end. Qian is standing here before Yuan telling him that he does not know what his feelings for Yuan are. Even though those In The Know (Yuan and San Pang) can see the truth in Qian clear as day, Qian himself has not admitted it.

So Yuan gives him a test.

Qian pauses for a moment, starts to shake his head, blinks.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“I really don’t know,” he says

Qian has failed the test.

Yuan’s soft smile has a hint of sadness in it now.

“You don’t need to know.” Yuan leans back against the wall, looking up at the sky. Qian is looking straight ahead, once again not making eye contact with Yuan “It’s always been my problem. Going home with you.”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The weight of what Yuan is saying hits. Qian looks at the ground. Complete opposite direction as Yuan.

“Getting attached to you. Falling for you.”

Qian closes his eyes and sighs, pulling his head up from where it was pointed. It’s like he can’t get used to hearing Yuan confess. Like it hits him every time Yuan says he’s in love with Qian and has been forever.

“Wanting you all my life.”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

That is too much for Qian. Even with his eyes closed, even though he can’t see Yuan right now, he has to face away.

“It was never your fault.” Yuan says, and Qian’s eyes open ever so slightly.

And I just have to say that it is really really important to me that with all of Qian’s trauma, with everything he has suffered, with the stuff he went through with his mother, that he finally has someone tell him that it wasn’t his fault. There is naturally a lot of hesitation in changing the way you see someone you have raised, someone you have looked at and treated as a brother, and suddenly see them as someone to be romantically interested in.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

So it is important to me that Yuan tells Qian he did nothing wrong. That Yuan’s feelings here are entirely his own, borne of his own mind and body, and that there is no aspect of Yuan’s feelings for him that Qian pressured him in to. That Yuan will be fine, eventually, if Qian does not reciprocate his feelings. Qian is not being forced in to anything here, and neither is Yuan. And I am so so so glad that Qian got to hear that. Twice!

Anyway, Qian’s eyes open ever so slightly right as Yuan starts walking away, shoulder checking Qian on his way out.

“Wait.” Qian grabs Yuan by the wrist “Wei Zhiyuan.”

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Yuan’s eyes are locked on to Qian’s hand around his wrist. He once again looks surprised that Qian would be brave enough to stop him from leaving. We get a shot of their hands (😈) and Yuan ever, ever so slowly raises his eyes to look at Qian.

Qian has passed the test at the last second.

#here you go for the people who asked if I was going to write the staircase scene #got this in right under the wire before tomorrow becomes all episode 11 stuff #unknown #unknown the series #unknown the series analysis #unknown the series meta #unknown the series episode 10 #chris chiu #kurt huang #taiwanese bl #wka long post

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