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#banter squad
bryonyashaw · 6 months
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sapphiretanto · 5 months
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I love how four of them casually and calmly talk about their days as Robin…
… and then there’s Jason “Theater Kid” Todd
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brewed-pangolin · 2 months
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I have a very important question.
Is Soap the kind who gives up his pickle, or asks for yours?
Soap won't ask for your pickle. He will steal it. Right from your plate. No question.
Doesn't even flinch when you flash him those poor puppy dog eyes and puffy pouty lips.
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"Why do you always have to take my pickle, Soap? Y'know, I order them with the intent to eat them, ya jerk."
"Ya get enough a'mine, lass. Cannae havin' ya over indulgin' yerself." He quips in response with teasing wink.
Biting down, the victorious crunch accentuated your edible remorse while you wrapped your fingers around the remainder of your half eaten sandwich.
"Is there anything you don't eat?" You inquired against the soft rye bread before taking a healthy bite.
"Aye. Cow tongue. Cannae stand the shite."
"Well, they don't have cow tongue on the menu, Soap. So thanks for hogging my only available side."
"Hm."
Rolling your eyes, you chewed on your bite and took in the smirk curling into his lips. Dropping the sandwich with a sigh and awaited the next smart-ass comment to roll over his lips.
"What?" You implored with a heavy tone of growing irritation.
His smile deepened into the apples of his cheeks. Accenting the bright blue pools of his eyes as he swallowed the last remnants of your stolen morsel.
"Got a tongue I think ya might wanna take a bite of, lass. Or ya still cravin' my Scottish pickle?"
"Jesus Christ. I can't take you anywhere."
Drabbles Masterlist
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5mcsinatrenchcoat · 5 months
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Doing the hag's quest and telling her to cough up the child
And seeing both "Astarion approves" and "Minthara approves" in the corner of my screen
TWICE
Was a slightly surreal experience
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the way shadowheart giggles in that last line...the girls are fighting flirtingggggg!!
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steampunkserpent27 · 1 year
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Shifting Sands
For @drarrymicrofic 's prompt: Different CW: Implied sunburn, some mild cursing "I mean honestly, Potter, the desert? Who goes to the middle of the desert for their vacation? Crazy people, that's who." Draco gestured wildly with his arms. "I can't believe I ever agreed to this." He took another uneven step forwards, feeling the sand shift and squish beneath his shoes. The air was hot and dry, and every breath brought dust into his lungs. Draco was sure his skin was starting to blister and peel away, as the midday sun beamed down on them. As he freed his other foot, the sand proceeded to swallow his shoe, rushing in and covering his socks with coarse, itchy granules. "Merlin's bollocks! I hate this. I want to go home." "Would you quite whining for half a second, we're nearly there." Draco attempted to balance on one leg, so he could remove his shoe and dump the sand out, but he only ended up on his arse. "I'm not whining. I'm merely pointing out how stupid of an idea this is." "It's not stupid. It's just... Different. And anyway, I thought you wanted to see the Sand Dunes." "I did. Until I realized they were made entirely of sand!" Harry turned to look at him. "What'd you expect it to be made of?" "Well, I thought there'd be some... Some maintenance, maybe a nice walking path. You know, maybe some benches and drinking fountains. There is nothing here!" Harry had the audacity to roll his eyes at him. "Come on, Draco." "And by the way, my skin is starting to blister off, in case you were wondering." He sniffed, wanting to drive the point home. "I told you to put on sunscreen, but you refused." "Yes, well, it's muggle. And anyway, I'm already pale enough, I don't need to look like a ghost." Harry heaved a sigh. "It dissolves." "It does not. It's still on your nose." While scrubbing at his nose, Harry glared back at him. "It does dissolve, you git." He did his best to scramble after Harry, fighting against the ever-shifting sea of sand. When he finally reached his side, he was able to look out over the glistening dunes. The sun glinted off of the bright, white sand, giving it a distinct shimmering quality. It sort of reminded him of how diamonds sparkled in the light. Amongst the never-ending white, were specks of red and black. Dark stones that stuck out against the landscape, refusing to be buried by the blistering winds and sweeping sands. There was a flash of movement, as a red and blue lizard skittered across the sand, only to vanish a moment later behind a curved piece of wood. It was rather beautiful. "See. I told you it'd be worth it." Harry said, smugly. "It's alright."
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spacefuneral · 7 months
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mords has never looked meatier. how is your ass the entire size of your boyfriend's torso
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saulbaby · 1 year
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My toxic trait is that I kinda ship Garrus and Miranda
#fully convinced that the only reason they never actually talked in the games#is bc theyre both speak in such a sexy aloof way#that both of them talking that way to each other would just sound like theyre gonna bang#i wrote a couple scenes wjth them a while back in a shakarian fic and had to cut them#bc it was like effortlessly sexy and forth banter#and i couldnt even make them friendly with their me2 vibes without it turning shippy#i am. convinced the me2 writers ran into the same problem.#ik a lot of ppl dont talk much but they really really never do#the only thing is that if you dont have jack hes like half of us dont even trust you and objects when miranda#volunteers to be squad leader#but it doesnt make any sense bc when hr first gets there hes like cool guns shouldve joined up sooner lol#and clearly never has an issue with the cerberus thing#so whys he the one who randomly doesnt trust miranda and not tali who has spoken to miranda#and does not trust her#anyway. garrus and miranda is a secret ship that they dont want you to know about bc it makes too much sense to not happen#and then neither woukd ever get romanced bc youd see them together and be like no they beling together actually#i feel like i should be writing this much more ironically but im really not i think ive come to ship it more as i wrote this#theyre basically neo noir femme fatale and vigilantr detective#send post#what if i wrote a fic#.........#god i wanna write a fic. why do i wanna writr a fic and do art?#like suoer slinky sexy femsheps kinda annoy me in art tbh bc no matter how u play she never really has that vibe in game#but it does work next to garrus is the thing#miranda fits that bill#im gojna write a fic#what would it even be about holy shit#ok like. i honestly always habe shep push back against the vigilante thing bc if theyre anti cerberus they should probably#also be against what garrus is doing#depending on the reasoning but overall they have similar goals
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panther-os · 2 years
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Cutup: Fives?
Fives: Yeah?
Cutup: A ten is speaking. *flees*
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bryonyashaw · 1 year
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https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsDoZHRgUfw/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
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nessacousland · 1 year
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Whenever I play Witch Hunt, this banter usually plays as one of the first things in the tower and I always assume it’s not meant to, cause it’d make much more sense when we’re in the forest or something - but! 
I do love the implication that after five minutes of walking through the tower, Finn’s already like “cool, fun adventure, that was enough exercise for the day though, can someone fetch that Morrigan or whoever already, I’ve got some ancient scrolls to get back to now" and it cracks me up.
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fenharel · 2 years
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do you think vivenne ever thinks about that she called fen’harel an “unwashed apostate hobo with no proper magical training and knowledge of technique”
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vanosslirious · 1 year
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Delirious: You're down there, aren't you, Vanoss, you're down there!
Vanoss: *laughing* Down where? Down where?
Delirious: I know you're down there!
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bypoisedapples · 2 years
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“ WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM ANON!? dON’T BE MEAN TO THE BABY!!!! “
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jellys-compendium · 4 months
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Red Handed
A König x f!Reader Oneshot
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Rating: Explicit (18+ only)
Summary: After your poor performance on one of your squad's training exercises, you've been punished by fulfilling laundry duty for the entire facility for a month. It's a thankless job, but maybe it will help you figure out who the hell has been stealing your panties. Cw: smut (pwp), mutual pining, oral sex (f!receiving), fingering, panty kink, panty sniffing, pet names, size difference/size kink, mask kink, semi-public sex, masturbation, mutual pining, König is a bit of a pervert but he's also awkward, shy and sweet and eats pussy like a champ. Word Count: 3k A/n: This fic is for a dear friend of mine. I hope you enjoy it!
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It’s 5:12 AM on a quiet Sunday morning, and mostly everyone in the compound is fast asleep.
Normally, you would be too. But rather than enjoying that sweet extra few hours to sleep in on the one day you have off, you instead find yourself with your teeth grit and cursing under your breath as you haul the last enormous load of laundry into the KorTac facility’s laundry room. 
“This is your punishment,” Your superior officer’s words replay in your mind like a broken record. 
“For your abysmal performance in the last training exercise, you’ll be assigned laundry duty for the entire facility for the month.”
Sheesh, what an asshole. While you understand that this is how it goes in any military faction, it’s not like the man had to assign you to laundry duty for the whole damn month. 
Your comrades had of course taken full advantage of the situation, flinging their dirty socks and other unmentionables at you with childish glee as you passed by their bunks with the laundry bin. Of course, you had returned every little quip with one of your own.
“Thanks mom!”
“No problem, least favorite child.”
“Can you get my boxers smelling like roses when you’re done? My girlfriend would love that.”
“Sure, but I don’t think your hand is all that picky.” 
The banter had been amicably scathing for the most part, but admittedly there had been some days where the teasing had frayed your nerves. Unfortunately, that group of lovable meatheads really struggled on picking up on when you’ve had enough. Luckily for you, on those days salvation had come in the form of one very unlikely character.
König. The charmingly awkward 6ft10 giant that could snap a man’s spine over his knee without breaking a sweat.
“That’s enough teasing from you all. Let her do her job in peace.”
As you load the huge pile of laundry into the washing machines, your mind begins its usual circling around thoughts of König. You like him. A lot.
You’ve liked him from the moment you first laid eyes on him nearly a year ago. There’s just something about his dorky personality, coupled with his awkward charm and humongous presence that makes your heart pound excitedly in your chest. Absolutely every single person in the facility knows about your crush too. Well… everyone except König. 
König is a bit of a weird and mysterious person. Sometimes he does and says things that don’t really make a lot of sense. You’ve also come to discover that König is pretty secretive about his past, never giving anyone too many details about where he comes from or who he really is. 
But the strangest thing about König is that he always has his face covered, even when he’s off duty. As the two of you developed a closer friendship over time, you’d mustered the courage to ask him about the mask one day, but König had simply let out a nervous little laugh and said,
“Ah. I’m sorry, I’m just a bit shy, häschen.”
Also, yes, häschen. The huge Austrian man you had a not so secret crush on had given you an affectionate little nickname. A nickname that he only used whenever the two of you were alone.
“You’re always so busy and energetic! Like a cu—ah—clever little rabbit, ja?”
Your heart squeezes in your chest. God, you are so down bad for that man. Too bad that when it comes to your feelings, König is about as perceptive as a bag full of hammers. You can’t quite figure out if he genuinely is that oblivious to your advances or if it’s his way of letting you down gently. For fear of it being the latter, you had decided to not push it and see where things go.
Still, that doesn’t mean you’re not secretly sinking your fingers into your pussy every other night, his name a silent whisper on your lips and his innocent little nickname an echo in your brain.
Häschen.
A tremor travels up your spine, and your thighs squeeze together as a rush of heat courses through your body. Right. Ignoring that. 
Refocusing on your task, you finish filling up one of the many washing machines, slide out the tray, and pour in the detergent and softener before setting it to cycle. Then, you proceed to fill in the next one and the next until finally you get to your own pile of laundry.
As you start to sort your clothes, you realize that you’re running low on underwear again. It’s so weird.
In the last few months you’d noticed that some of your panties had gone missing. Originally you’d thought that it was just a fluke—maybe one of your not so perceptive comrades accidentally dropping one or two behind the machines? But since you yourself had taken over laundry duty, you realized that this isn’t the case. Another pair had gone missing and from right under your nose. 
You had been especially annoyed when you discovered that it was your favorite comfy but lacy little pair too. Either this is a joke in poor taste, or you have a pervert on your hands. Regardless of which one it is, it’s the last thing you need right now.
Sighing, you reach down and are about to finish filling up the last drum with your dirty clothes when you realize that you had forgotten to add one of your favorite hoodies to the pile.
“Shit.” You whisper under your breath. It’s going to be a bit of a trek to head back to your room and get it, but you really love that hoodie and the thought of being wrapped all nice and warm in it once it’s out of the dryer is too enticing to ignore.
Leaving your laundry to sit in the open machine, you make your way back through the dimly lit hallways of the KorTac training facility. It’s too early for even your superiors to be up, so you’re not that worried about being caught padding through the hallways with bare feet and without your uniform.
As you pass by König’s room, your eyes can’t help but linger on the door. He hasn’t come back from his contract yet. It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve seen him and you miss the big guy. 
Even though König hasn’t shown any signs that he’s interested in you beyond being just friends, you still miss seeing him in the mornings. Exchanging some amicable and encouraging words before heading off to your first drill is one of the highlights of your day. Maybe he’s not into you, or maybe he’s just that shy. König’s true intentions are really just as mysterious as the face he hides.
Finally reaching your room, you make a grab for the hoodie that you’ve forgotten at the foot of your bed. Once you have it safely tucked under your arm, you quietly slip back out into the hallway and jog back towards the laundry room. You’d prefer to have your laundry duty done before your comrades wake up and start harassing you for clean clothes.
You slow your gait as you reach the laundry room, but as you silently reach for the door you detect the softest little sound resonating from behind the door.
Is someone there? Seriously, at five in the morning? But then strikes you. Maybe this is the culprit behind your missing panties!
‘Caught you red handed you, jerk.’ You think as you slowly wrap your fingers around the doorknob and turn it. Once the latch is free, you silently push it open just a crack and peek inside. What you see has your jaw nearly hitting the floor.
It’s…König. 
Your eyes sweep across König’s unmistakable, enormous frame as he leans over the washing machine you had left open, his mask pushed up to the bridge of his nose, giving you a teasing glimpse of his lips, chin, and jaw as he presses a bundled wad of red fabric against his face.
Wait…holy shit are those your fucking panties?
A deep groan escapes König’s lips, his huge body tensing as his left hand travels down. You nearly choke on your own spit when he starts to palm at the raging hard on pressing severely against his fly.
Whoa…is that a third leg in his pants or…
Your eyes are glued to König’s hand as it travels up and down his clothed length, his body shudders gorgeously as he moves back to lean against one of the dryers. The sight of the pink swipe of his tongue darting out to lick at your panties has you practically gushing between your legs.
Then, another soft sound, this time a desperate little groan of your name wisps through the air as König’s hips start to roll against his hand. The tiniest little wet spot forms on his pants where the head of his cock rests. 
“You taste so good, mein häschen.”
Then, his thick fingers move towards his belt.
Oh.
You bite your lip, debating on what you should do. The intoxicating thrill that bubbles in your tummy at the thought of watching König stroke his cock to the scent of your pussy is outrageously tempting. But…this is a messy situation. You really shouldn’t be spying on him. But then again, he really shouldn’t be stealing your panties and using them to jerk off.
Fuck. But König wants you too, doesn’t he? He’s pent up and desperate, straining against his pants and you can help him with that. 
Stealing your resolve, you drop your hoodie, enter the laundry room and then slowly close and lock the door behind you. 
Another hot groan escapes König’s mouth. He opens his eyes, those blue pools all glassy and love drunk until they fall on you. The moment his brain registers that you’re in the room with him, König’s entire body jolts as if he’d been hooked up to a car battery.
“Scheisse!”
The mountainous man drops your panties like they’d bitten him, his mask falling back into place as his blue eyes widen into saucers filled to the brim with panic. 
“Ah—uh—G-guten morgen! I s-see that you’re still on laundry duty.” 
König hips shift. He’s clearly trying to hide the massive tree trunk in his pants from your line of sight. A cheeky little grin spreads across your lips. 
‘Yeah, good luck with that, big boy.’
“I am.” You confirm, making your way towards him. König’s eyes follow you like a hawk, the subtle quick rise and fall of his chest the only sign that he’s still flustered. 
Stopping at the discarded panties on the floor, you reach down and pluck them between your fingers. The dark, wet stripe of where König’s tongue had been is clear for you both to see. The heat that pools in your gut as a response nearly has you jumping the man’s bones.
“What were you doing with my panties?” You softly ask, your gaze meeting König’s before lowering down to his cock.
The man freezes up like a statue.
“I—uh—I…”
He’s speechless, and you’re going to take advantage of that. Stepping forward, you close the distance between yourself and König. Once you’re close enough, you place your hand on the throbbing dick trapped in his pants.
König inhales sharply, steading himself against the dryer with his powerful hands. The wet little patch on his pants grows, and you feel him shyly push his cock against your hand just a little bit harder.
Cute.
Licking your lips, you start to palm him, the heat and size of König’s cock makes your heart race and your pussy throb. Being this close to him, you realize that the tip of your head barely even reaches the height of his clavicle. 
Fuck, he’s so huge and powerful. This man could absolutely bend you into whatever shape he wants. You’ve seen him in action many times before and you know full well that König is not a force to be messed with. And yet here he is, complete and total putty in your hands.
Then with a coquettish little wink, you reach for König’s pocket and slowly stuff your panties inside. 
“You know,” You whisper. “If you want to lick my pussy, König, all you have to do is ask.”
Before you even realize that’s happening, König’s massive arms encircle your waist and haul you into the air with absolutely no effort at all. 
Gasping in surprise, your breath is stolen from your lungs as König turns you both around, and after another quick flurry of movement you find yourself pinned against the top of one of the dryers. Pinned, secured, and at the utter mercy of König’s incredible strength.
Your pussy practically weeps.
“Can I then?”
You try and catch your breath, eyes locking with König’s blue ones. You realize that König no longer has a look of startled panic. Instead, those eyes of his are hooded, lust filled, and they are staring directly at you.
“W-what?” 
König’s scorching fingers brush against the band of your pajama shorts, teasingly grazing the sensitive skin of your navel.
“Can I eat your cunt, leibling?”
You shudder, heat pooling between your thighs at the hungry growl following König’s words.
“Yes.”
Your shorts and panties are off you faster than you can blink. And you watch—totally breathless—as König lifts his mask up just enough to reveal his mouth before diving his lips and tongue between the folds of your pussy.
Your body arches, crying out softly as König’s stubbled chin and cheeks scratch pleasurably against your skin. His tongue immediately flexes then flicks against your clit before diving back down to your entrance to lap at your taste.
“Fuck,” König groans sensually, his hands snaking around your hips to grip and pull you closer—burying his face deeper into you. 
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to taste you.”
You gasp as König’s fingers dig roughly into your flesh, his hot moans vibrating against your clit. Your hips will be decorated with bruises later no doubt, and that thought makes you purr with unabashed ecstasy.
“M-more!” You beg, your hips rutting against König’s mouth. “König, please don’t stop.”
“You want more?” König hums. “Gut. I’ll give you more.”
Those blue eyes flash to yours, and your pussy practically melts as he dives back down to tongue at your cunt—but not before giving you a little cheeky grin first.
God, he’s such a dork. An adorable, massive dork. And you are so head over heels for him.
Your thoughts scatter as König sucks and licks and laps at your flesh. His lips circling and sucking at your clit, his tongue caressing your folds, his breath hot as he whispers hushed praise against your skin in his native language. He feels so good. 
And you want to touch him. You’re so desperate to touch him. But you have to admit, there is something so incredibly sexy about having a man—this man—go down on you while he’s wearing his mask. You don’t even know what he really looks like, but at this moment you realize that you don’t even care.
“König,” You pant, thighs trembling as you get closer to your climax.
“Mmm. You’re close, leibling.”
A statement, not a question.
“Y-yes.” You keen, arching up as he circles your clit once more.
König groans then sucks at your clit, rolling the engorged bud against his tongue as his right hand comes up to your cunt. You groan as he works to drench his fingers with the slick between your folds.
“Need to have something inside you, ja?” He probes your entrance with his thick fingers. “Want to squeeze down on me as you come?”
“Please!” You cry out, eyes squeezing shut as that powerful wave of pleasure crests—on the verge of crashing and pulsing through your body like a storm.
“Yes! König, pleeeease!”
And as König’s sinks two of his thick fingers inside you, you feel him smile against your cunt.
“That’s my good girl. Come on my fingers, häschen.”
König pumps his thick digits deeper inside you, stroking along your walls and lapping at your clit with such force that your body has no choice but to succumb to your orgasm with a ferocity that has you seeing stars. 
Your release rips a high pitched cry from your throat as your back arches and you writhe against König’s hands and mouth. You can faintly hear him curse under his breath, moaning brokenly as he pulls his fingers out of your pussy and laps up every drop of your release like a man starved. 
“That’s it.” He whispers with reverence. “So pretty when you come in my hands, leibling.”
König takes his time helping you ride out your high, his mouth not leaving you until the last of your pleased little shivers leaves your body. Then, he pulls away, licking his lips as he lets his mask fall back down again.
“König,” You mewl, the thrumming pleasure in your body still burning strong as you reach for the front of his pants. 
“I want your cock.”
The massive man groans, his blue eyes shutting tight in an effort to restrain himself. You palm at him, desperately wanting to feel the weight of his body on yours. You want to know what it feels like to be filled up to the brim with him.
But König shakes his head.
“We’ll have time for that later.”
“But—”
The feeling of König’s fingers pressing up against your pussy once more interrupts your sentence.
“You’re very small here, leibling.” König coos. “We’ll have to take our time preparing you to take my cock.”
A debaucherous little shudder courses through your body at his words. Patience is a virtue they say. But right now, it feels a little more like torture. 
You’re about to argue with König, when suddenly a resounding knock bangs against the laundry room’s door. Your bodies freeze like a deer in headlights as you both hear one of your superiors angrily calling your name. 
“Hey! Are you in there? What is this hoodie doing out here and why is the door locked? Open this door immediately!”
You and König stare at one another.
Shit. Caught red handed for the second time today. 
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evergreenfields · 20 days
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A Helping Hand
Captain Price uses his deft fingers to help you take out your menstrual cup.
Pairing: Captain Price x Female Reader
CW: descriptions of female anatomy, digital penetration, fluff, swearing. MDNI.
Words: 2.7k
You didn't mean to swear so loudly in the toilet cubicle but you were sweating, your hands were hurting and your thighs were burning.
You could not, for the life of you, take out your menstrual cup.
After a gruelling CQC training session, your hands were cramped and now slick with blood. You surprised yourself at how far you could fit your fingers inside yourself without even reaching the inch long handle of the cup.
"Sergeant?" A gruff voice called through the door.
"Fuck." you whisper, "yes sir?" You call back, sitting back down on the toilet in defeat, staring at the tiled floor.
"Everything alright in there?" Captain Price is closer to the door now. Of all the people! You thought of him in his far-too-fitted top tucked into his far-too-snug combat trousers, all pressed and neat. Earlier in the day he had patted your shoulder for a job well done and you hated how you could still feel his eyes on you after you walked away.
“Yes captain, all good here." Ending it abruptly, you wait for him to leave.
Getting back into a squat position, you try again. You swear again.
Another knock at the door.
"Sergeant. Do I need to call someone for you?" Concern laced his gruff voice.
Something in you falters. You think it's stupidity, you think it's the opposite of courage, you consider it vulnerability. Either way, your mouth and mind move in different directions as you pull your trousers up, wash your hands and walk the short way to the door.
“Have you seen a period cup before?" you say quietly through a small gap in the doorway, looking past your Captain at passers by, looking anywhere but at his deep-set blue eyes.
He looks at you with knitted brows and answers "no. But I'm guessing it's not coming out." He enunciated ‘out’ with his trademark back stretch.
"Precisely." You get redder and try to quell it. He knocked, he asked, maybe someone else could help me, a female medic, but the thought of gloved hands felt clinical and made you tense. The pause was palpable.
"Right, let's get you to your quarters," he steps back from the door, straight as a board, and you slip out past his hulking frame.
Filling what you thought was an awkward silence you said you had training with Simon and “it's not usually this difficult, usually it pops out easily." Accidentally making eye contact on the “pop.”
"Right." Price says and you think you saw him swallow a smile. You arrive at your quarters and open the door.
"A nurse once told me I had a high cervix, so who knows where it's gone." You turn to close the door behind Price and you're surprised to see him chuckling, the movement in his broad shoulders and the crows feet around his eyes make you feel a way you know you shouldn't.
"Give it another go, I'll get a tea brewing," he strides past you into your tiny kitchen, knocking around your cupboards for teabags.
You avoid your gaze in the bathroom mirror as you wash your hands again and pull your trousers down, rooting around for the damned silicone cup. You were naturally more dilated as you were on your period, but pushing down with your pelvic floor muscles still didn’t get it within reach of your fingers.
You can hear the kettle going, you imagine him leaning against the counter, muscled legs crossed at his calves, calloused hands on the fake marble top.
John asks himself unanswerable questions, the exact kind of questions he hates. Why am I here? He has an inkling of the answer but it’s not absolute. He can’t deny you’re electric, an excellent squad mate and charming to boot. The chemistry is palpable between you and he knows exactly what he’s doing when he banters with you at post-mission briefings and winks at you when handing you a drink at the pub. He indulges in the flashes of recognition when he sees you around base, especially when you’re in civilian clothing.
Minutes later you're back in your kitchen, which Price manages to dwarf.
"No luck?" He says as he passes you the steaming cup, handle first. How polite.
"No luck.”
“No problem." Price says in his husky voice, taking a seat on your small sofa. He's taken his hat off, he's basically naked now. You join him on the furthest end, you're both turned half towards each other, your crossed legs are mighty close to touching his.
"Sorry, this is really awkward."
“Nothing awkward, relax yeh." He sips his tea.
"You make a shit tea." You say absolutely unprompted, staring into your cup seriously.
Price doesn't respond and you look up expectedly.
“Funny that, I couldn't find a good cup." He says with his usual dry gruff.
A beat.
You both burst into laughter, almost spilling your tea. You end up having to put it onto the table, calling him a prick in the process.
"Fuck sakes sir!"
"I had to." He continues drinking his tea, too cool for school as you settle yourself.
You decide to regale him as a way to fill the silence again, "so the cup has a stick at the end but I can't grip it, I can barely reach it. It's silicone and around an inch long." you instinctively measure it out with your thumb and index finger.
"Right."
He's killing you. You remember he's a gentleman, a professional, helping you feel more relaxed and less tense.
“It’s more than just grabbing and pulling it though-”
"So I'm going to have to break the suction first." He finally says, a mercy.
You did a double take and accidentally looked at his gloved hand. It hangs over his knee. You know they are heavily veined and strong, you want to evaporate at the thought of them touching you in such an intimate place.
"It doesn't take much.” You say dry mouthed.
"I can get someone else." Is quickly followed by you breathing "I'd rather you didn't."
Next thing you know, you're standing in your shower with only a towel wrapped around your lower half. Your captain was seated on the rim of the bathtub. It was as if you had a tipple of whiskey instead of tea, you felt drunk, giddy, nervous. There was an undeniable pulse in your clit you were trying to ignore. Price thoroughly washes his hands and you make an effort to not watch his sinewy forearms flexing.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna be laying down?” Price asks earnestly.
“No it would feel too clinical. And we need gravity on our side.” You say absentmindedly, he nods an affirmative.
“Understood.“
"I'm going to look like Winnie the fucking Pooh.” You sigh.
"Ey?" blue eyes flicker at your eyes.
"He doesn't wear any trousers. He just wears a top."
"Stop being a muppet." He dries his hands.
“Okay so you'll have to use a thumb and finger." You say, feeling flushed as you place your feet further apart, they were wet with the residual water from your shower earlier in the day.
"I’ll be gentle." He puts the hand towel under your feet for grip. You almost place your hand on his shoulder to balance yourself but you're too afraid to let go of the towel.
"Better?" He asks. You nod. His back straightens, he's in serious mode, “if it hurts at any point, say and I'II stop immediately." And he waits for your affirmative and more disgustingly, your eye contact.
"Yes sir. I will.” You nod, blink and then look away.
A pause. Silence.
You're still holding the towel over yourself. You feel like a lost lamb and you even start to hate yourself for feeling so shy. You wonder how Price is so calm and collected, you’re trying to see from his perspective but you can’t fathom how he’s so blase and annoyingly professional.
In a measured movement you remove the towel and swing it over the curtain rail. Everything feels red, you feel a flash of anger at yourself for existing. You look up past him. Blood rushes to your face and ears. Cool air hits your legs and butt. John carries on with acute focus, mentally noting you had incredible legs. He wished he was still wearing his hat so you couldn’t see the sweat bead on his forehead.
“Put your hands on my shoulders." He says, “and relax." He drawls, admittedly more to himself. “Alright I'm going to make-"
"Don't say make entry, for fuck sakes." Your voice sounds distant with the acoustics of the tiled bathroom.
"I was going to say make contact, sergeant." His tone is clipped but his eyes smile. You sheepishly look away.
“I’ve tried a few times, it’s quite… elastic, so don’t be worried if you go past the knuckles.” You chew your lips.
“I’ll be gentle.” He reiterates. You assume he knows his way around things, a fleeting thought of him with other women floats through your mind.
John knew you trusted him which is why he was here. He was very aware of what he was helping with and felt it was beyond his duty of care, kind of like how he has to decide who lives and who dies when they’re attached to a bomb vest with 8 seconds left. It was discretionary. He put it out of his mind and considered this a ‘removal of foreign body’. But with no need to staunch the bleeding. And no need to report it in the injuries log. The only thing he was staunching were any feelings towards you. Tucking them deep away like a professional, or like a pressure cooker. There was a reason he was the captain, he was measured and controlled.
With the softest touch, you feel his index finger and middle finger part your folds and fall into the valley of your hole. His fingers deftly dodged your hardened clit and he slipped in gently until he’s fully inside of you. His finger runs along your gummy walls, they are much thicker than your own digits. You scrunch your eyebrows. He’s warm and tentative. Your face is flushed red, but not entirely from embarrassment, it’s that familiar feeling you get when you’re filled. Heat rises from you. Your breathing is shallow and quick.
His left hand leaves the tub edge and holds your calf softly. You feel safety in his touch, you feel like he's entering with trepidation. You've fought on battlefields together, traversed through tight streets in war torn villages and travelled for days in cramped trucks, you trusted him with your life and by extension your body. It was as if it was all to culminate in your bathroom. You find yourself wishing you had just asked him for a coffee a week ago when you weren't on your period.
"Is that okay? Ready for the-"
"Yes sir." He pushes his thumb in gently too. You feel it breach your cunt and against your spongy walls. You can’t tell but John’s heart is hammering against his chest, but it doesn’t betray his breathing.
"You don't have to call me sir.” He mumbles.
"Yes sir.” You hold his broad shoulders and lean over him, looking straight ahead at the cheap wooden door. His fingers gently move up into you, he’s warm and you’re hot, you try to stay still and not squeeze your walls around his fingers.
You hear his breathing, it’s even. You want to look down at his lap but your line of sight is obscured by his arm, you know what you want to see and you swallow. His fingers move, you can feel the pressure but you can only guess at the direction. You feel the large knuckle of his thumb press against your innermost folds. His ring and little finger push into the underside of your butt cheek, you realise you did the same thing to yourself when you were trying earlier. There was no where else those fingers could go without being in the way.
John tries to ignore how your body feels around his fingers and focuses on pushing in with the least resistance, he has big hands so there was no doubt he’d be able to find it but he didn’t want to hurt you. Sweat forms along the back of his neck. Steady now.
"Try to relax. I know this isn’t ideal, I'll go slowly" He says, you can smell his cologne, his musk, you hold your breath but he feels that too.
"Breathe and bear down." You daren't comment about how he knows about "bearing down" but you push down with your pelvic muscles.
"I’ve got it, gonna go further to grip it." You dare to look at his face and you're surprised to see he's not looking at your mound, he's staring at your rucked up top, just above your belly button; he's concentrating. He looks adorable, mouth a little open.
"It’s a slippery bastard." He chuckles and then reels the laugh in.
"I'm so sorry about the blood." You whisper above him. He just grunts.
"Nothing we haven't dealt with before, ey?" His eyes crinkle into a smile. “Can I go further?" He says, you look at each other and you nod. You feel pressure and friction, you try to breathe and it comes shakily. You clear your throat.
"It's not hurting is it?" He stops.
"No, it doesn't hurt, it's just this entire situation-"
"Look, I know you'd do the same for me." He meets your eyes and you snort, trying not to laugh. You instead lean your forehead down to the top of his head for a moment, he can see your stomach move and your breathing change as you laugh silently. It’s strangely intimate.
John swallows.
"I got it." You feel pressure push upwards into you and then the suction disappears. With a pull and a slick pop, the cup comes out. Your body feels doubly empty. Price holds it steady with one hand, he marvels at the amount and viscosity of the blood. He then brings his other hand up to cradle it. You add both your hands around his to stop it spilling.
"Y'alright?" He carefully lets go of the cup. His left hand is on your arm, his intense blue eyes boring into yours for what feels like way too long.
"Yes." You smile.
"Right, I'II let you get that sorted.” He smiles, squeezes your arm and turns to use the faucet.
With his broad back turned, you look down at your naked lower body and bloody chalice. You see that he doesn't turn to look back at you. Such a gentleman. You cheers him silently with the cup and get to sorting yourself out.
When John leaves the room, he exhales hard. Needing something to do, he immediately walks into your kitchen. He hates that he’s clammy and not from exertion. He pushes your warmth and wetness from his mind, but he knows he’ll be summoning the memory soon, when he’s alone.
When you step out of the shower, you're in a daze. You don't know what to say when you get dressed and return to your living room. Thanks and sorry? Sorry and sorry? Let's never speak of this, but can we talk about your unwavering eye contact and those touches? You pull on your knickers and cargo trousers and wrestle with a sanitary pad.
You return to see him washing the tea cups, his gloves tucked into his back pocket, his narrow waist fanning into a broad back.
You jog into the kitchen and grab the tea towel he's hung over his shoulder.
“I got it - thank you,” you say, quickly adding “John.” As if to point out the power dynamic was left at the door. You dry the cups. You feel longing, you don't know what possesses you, you didn't want those fleeting touches, gentle words of affirmation and smouldering eye contact to evaporate into nothing. Like they usually do.
“Don’t mention it.” He says, heading for the door.
“Not even to my girl friends?” You snap back, shrugging the tea towel over your shoulder.
“Wind your neck in!” He laughs loudly from the chest.
“Consider it wound in, sir.”
“The lengths you go for my attention.” He retorts with his trademark grin, turning to face you with his hand on the door handle.
“The lengths are apparently 3 or 4 inches, sir, give or take.” You laugh back knowingly.
John pauses.
“Between us, that’s only the half of it.” He says with a wink. And with that, he leaves. Your laugh gets caught in your throat, you’re left with a feeling your next one-to-one with your captain would be a little different moving forward.
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