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seosracha · 2 months

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HEART DEFENDER──────

౨ৎ⸻niki x fem!reader

⸻ synopsis, Nishimura Riki was truly and honestly, your sworn enemy, and everyone knew. You two shared lots of things, a friend group, academic rivalry, and most importantly school popularity. Receiving tons of confessions and notes on the daily from your fanboys and fangirls was nothing new. So you can't help but be shocked when he asks you to be his fake girlfriend for that same reason.

genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, highschool au

pairing: popular-footballplayer!niki x popular-fem!reader

wordcount: 11.5k !

tags: underage drinking, foul language/swearing, niki is an asshole, own characters included, y/n and niki are unrealistically popular but bare with me pls, jay is called a pervert😭, kissing

authors note! this was written for my beautiful babygirl , and it was also her idea so props to my pookie yall!!!😛 also no proof read so sorry for any errors!!

A GENTLE HEAT falls onto the silk bed sheets, as a flickering blue light washes over the room, a sound waking you up from the dreamy state. You still had a hard time settling into the new reality that eloped you just a few days back. The summer was over, and so we’re all the exciting things you hadn’t been able to do.

Although you didn’t mind, it brought you comfort to keep your body and mind active. You don’t like to mull over the fact that something is over, because that never brought it back, choosing to focus on every minute that was yet to come.

Maybe that was exactly the reason you’ve become so popular amongst the male population of Alpine High-school, students swooning over your exquisite beauty, tall, well proportioned figure and beautiful mind. Some looks were only hungry for popularity and full of lust, but amongst all, you also found people who truly wanted to know you, and find out what was underneath the pretty shell.

Some would call it cliche, to only stick around people who held the same status as you, or shared a similar popularity rank, but you truly never intended for that. Having two of the most popular students in one team, automatically makes the entirety of the group more desirable and unattainable. You never had control over any of these things, but you’d also be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel even more special.

Your phone vibrates, Song Eunseok’s name displayed on the screen, messages filling up your home screen every second. You smile lightly and press one of them to shoot him a quick reply, preventing him from spamming you with keyboard smashes.

Song Eunseok was one of your best-friends. He was there when others weren’t, and he was always the one to help you endure any pain in life. He was like a bandaid, keeping you safe from any infectious disease but also helping ease the pain, even if it didn’t feel like it at first. The affection in his tone, his words glowing with secrecy and honesty every time he spoke to you, that’s exactly what made him so notable to your heart.

Kim Hana was also one of those people to you. Eunseok was good to you, but he’d never be able to substitute for a girl best-friend. You never treated Hana as a second option though. She wasn’t even a month older than you, but wiser than most. Hana always knew what to say or do, she was like a compass to you. You knew you could never lose her, or else you wouldn’t know which direction to walk towards. Still, behind the smart and intellectual facade, was a joyful and bright girl, who had the most infectious laugh you knew. Her smile was adorable and words of affection- comforting.

Park Sunghoon was also a member of your clique, recruited by Jake who swam alongside him on the school’s swimming team. You’ve never been really close to him, he was more of a friend to you when others were around. That didn’t mean you didn’t care for him though. Sunghoon was different, he was very secretive and smart. He didn’t ever try, but always succeeded. He wasn’t flashy about it either, keeping most of his success to himself.

Jake, who recruited Sunghoon, used to be your best-friend. You grew up with him, just like in every childhood best-friends movie, the two of you did everything together. Just like you, he moved out of his home country in his early years, which was one of the many things you had in common and could empathize about. You decided to go to the same highschool, following the promise you made in 4th grade; that you’ll always stick together. The reciprocation brought you a feeling of comfort and safety, at first you didn’t mind when he started getting closer with Nishimura Riki because you trusted him. You trusted him enough, and turned a blind eye enough until your once best friend wasn’t yours anymore.

You tried to ignore the low pain it gave you, small weebs formed in your mind as you tried to justify Jake’s behavior, arguing that he still speaks to you so kindly. You were still in the same group together, spending most of your days together and laughing sweetly at the smallest things. But instead of calling you, he’d call Niki, instead of hanging out with you on the weekends, he’d hang out with Niki and instead of inviting you as his plus one to events, he’d invite Niki.

That’s exactly why you hated Nishimura Riki, the last member of the seemingly ‘popular kid’ clique you formed.

Niki was equally attractive and popular as you. He embodied a typical, bookish bad-boy character, the smitten look on his face winning girls hearts over every time. He was also a member of the football team, already earning a full ride scholarship for his sports successes. He was already an intelligent boy, but a free entry to college was nothing he’d deny. He was vastly athletic, but always dreamed of going to university. Niki may not have looked the part, but he truly was much more ambitious than many would guess.

He didn’t have many reasons to hate you, but the sole fact that you were unbeatable, the first rank in school always alongside your name. He always stood proudly next to you on class president election day, but always ended up getting hurt when once again, you were chosen. Everyone loved you and even though he had his fair share of fans, he could never compare.

So the satisfaction that taking away your best-friend from you brought him, was enough to console his damaged pride. It was enough to compensate for his stolen spotlight.

You both had reasons to hate each other, and never even considered talking it out, even if you shared a friend group. Passive aggressive comments, and sarcastic remarks were enough to satisfy yours and Niki’s mind.

___________

Niki, with his fair share of popularity, couldn’t get away from constant love letters clogging up his locker, or girls' heartfelt love confessions. With the face of an angel and skills of a child prodigy, it was inevitable in some way. Those same girls were the reason for his incredibly and annoyingly large ego.

“Niki!” the brunette caught his attention with her squeaky and high pitched voice.

He turned around to catch a glimpse at her, only to find her with a pink glittery box in hand. Niki could sense another thought out, insanely touching confession coming his way.

“Do I know you?” he asked, trying his best to not make a rude face at the girl. At the end of the day he was the it-boy at his high-school, and had an image to upkeep.

“You could get to know me. We have chemistry together!” she replied happily, completely neglecting the fact that his reply itself was a bit rude to begin with.

“Is that supposed to be some sort of pickup line?” Niki chuckled, running a hand through his hair as his shoulder fell to his right. He leaned on the lockers trying to remember the girl he was speaking to.

She pulls at the fabric of his blazer, a frisky look on her face “It could be if you want it to be”

He felt his body tensing up, a wave of uncomfort speeding through his veins. He was used to girls shoving themselves onto him, but why couldn’t he be viewed as an equal to them? Just because he has stolen many women's hearts, didn’t mean he didn’t want to be treated with dignity and respect.

He could feel a bead of sweat trickle down his spine as the unknown girl pushed her body closer and closer. His white shirt started to suffocate him, feeling the box she had in her hands press against his stomach.

He could barely read the name Oh Jia off the girl's name tag, before backing away, making her stumble a little bit.

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little too comfortable, Jia?” he asked.

She took a deep breath. She thinks of the many nights she’d seen the boy infront of her standing proudly with a confident smile as he pulls her closer to his body. She is taken aback by the difference, wondering how she could've gotten so easily deceived by her own head to fall for such a fabricated version of Nishimura Riki, She had swooned over the cover, just like many girls before and after her.

This was one of the many daily confessions the boy would receive. Some happened to be much more friendly and cute, even making Niki’s heart a little warmer. Some students just liked to test his limits, see how easy he can actually be. He hated that. He hated not being treated like a human being but rather a school attraction they all got to take turns trying out.

Although you were sworn enemies, the similarity between yours and Niki’s experience love wise, was undeniable.

“What is my pretty girl doing all alone? Where did all your friends go?” Hyunsik, a member of the student council, asked with a flirtatious tone stopping you from getting to your history class.

“Yours?” you questioned with a calm voice, having an idea of who Hyunsik was.

He smiled, wondering why you always played so hard to get. He was gorgeous, so what was your problem to just give into his warm embrace?

“Don’t be like that” he answered, using his hand to push a strand of loose hair behind your ear.

You felt so incredibly uncomfortable. You had known Hyunsik for some time now, as the class president you did have to consult on important issues with him.

“What do you mean, Hyunsik?” you asked, a wonky smile on your face as you tried to give the boy a sign that you weren't interested in him.

“You know what I mean. C'mon Y/n, you don’t have to play so hard to get. We could have fun, I’d make you feel so good and happy” he confessed, his stance radiating confidence which was unbreakable.

He was attractive, but his personality and ego completely erased any chances of scoring a date with you or many other girls.

“I’m interested in someone else” you answered, backing away from him.

“You always say that, yet you're still single” he said, offended by your relectuance.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business though, Hyunsik. I have to go now” you said, not letting him say anything else.

This wasn't the first time boy’s just assumed you’d be easy like that. Just like Niki, you hated it. You didn't mind the confessions, as long as they were kept cute and respectful. You hated being mean, and these situations just forced it out of you.

__________

“Why don’t we call Minjun over here, you’ve been hanging out with him a lot, right?” Hana asked, turning to you. She shuffles to grab her phone, but you stop her.

Niki rolled his eyes at her words, not in the mood to stubbornly try to keep a civil conversation with Minjun. Kim Minjun was a member of the football team, and the number two placeholder in school. He really was handsome- slim face and a defined jawline, dark thick hair, eyebrows not touched once but seemingly shaped by Aphrodite herself, captivating siren eyes that made you fear eye contact, and lastly plump cherry lips. You could go on about Minjun’s beauty for days and not get bored of the topic.

He notoriously fought with Niki for the team captain position, and although never achieved it, still managed to be disliked by Niki. They had a visible rivalry. While Niki tried to beat Minjun for second place, Minjun tried to beat Niki for the team captain spot. The passive aggressive remarks only made it worse, but for the sake of the team they kept, or at least tried to keep it civil.

It reminded you of your friend group. You always tried your best to hide your deep rooted hatred for Niki around everyone, for the sake of their peace. The difference was that Niki never tried. He couldn’t bear a minute without making a sneaky and rude comment towards you. In some way it made you feel better about yourself, knowing that you're mature enough to not bother your friends with your private issues.

“He’s probably with the team” you answered, and she pouted at your response.

“He wouldn’t want to sit with Miss Perfect here, anyways” Niki snickered, poking at his lunch uninterested in what he saw on the metal tray. The pork cutlet seemed awfully indigestible today.

“I think you’re more so the problem” Hana defended, knowing you wouldn’t probably respond to him.

“It’s not like Minjun is perfect, c'mon. He’s an annoying, selfious fuckboy” Jake said, in an attempt to clear Niki’s name.

But why couldn’t he defend you? Did he really dislike you that much?

“He really isn’t though” you responded, and Jake seemed taken aback by your change in demeanor.

It almost looked like he felt entitled to say anything, but you had no right to respond to him unless you weren’t agreeing with him. Maybe that was what was left after your friendship of 10 years, the entitlement.

“Of course you’d say that, because you probably want him like all his other fangirls” Niki smirked, and pushed away his tray.

“Dude, leave it. Can we just have a peaceful lunch period for once?” Sunghoon spoke up, looking up from his English notes.

He usually never said anything whenever these tense situations happened. Sunghoon kept quiet, listening in on the meaningless words leaving your mouths.

“I’m gonna go” you rose from your chair, and picked up all your things. Hana tried to stop you, but her attempts were useless, as you gave her a small smile and left the table.

“Well, I will too then” Niki announced trailing right after you.

He walked towards you, a stupid look displayed on his face. You hated that you didn’t have any power over him, letting him treat you like this for no good reason.

“If you want to continue telling me how awful Minjun is, I really suggest you leave it, cause I’m not going to change my mind” you turned to him, as he stopped next to you by the lockers.

“I just want to get some books from my locker, can’t I?” he tilted his head, and smirked evilly when he saw your annoyed look.

Another thing you hated was having a locker right next to his. Whoever assigned them, must truly despise you. Or potentially pray for your downfall.

He just scoffed at your lack of interest, and started to rummage through his pocket for the small key to his locker.

As soon as both of your locker doors opened, a swarm of notes and pink, red or purple little envelopes fell out. Some were cutely decorated, with adorable glittery stickers, some just a simple paper ripped out of the author's notebook.

You two looked at each other confused. You knew Niki was popular, and Niki knew you were popular, but not to this extent.

It wasn’t an issue, for a long time, but as comical as it sounded this was starting to get annoying pretty quickly. Sometimes the both of you wondered what made you so special, what made you stand out so much. Was it the academic success that no other student seemed to achieve yet? Maybe it was the physical tasks that you conquered without breaking a sweat? Or was it just your appearance that was unique among all?

His mind was rushing, but one idea came out on top of the bubble of thoughts.

______

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Niki” you laughed at his absurd idea, wondering if Jake is somewhere recording this secretly.

Niki can’t yet tell if you’ll buy it or not. The silence sinks into his skin, as the imprisoning walls surrounding you seem to close on him. Did he really just say that out loud?

“Listen, we can just pretend to un-hate each other or something, and then date. It’s all fake, obviously. Do you think I’d want someone like you to be my girlfriend?” he responds. “We can’t tell anyone though”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea” you mumble, and he chuckles.

“Oh please don’t tell me this is about Minjun?”

You look at him annoyed. Why does he suddenly care so much about your relationship with Kim Minjun?

“And what if it is?” you roll your eyes, turning away from his tall figure.

“He doesn’t care about you, Y/n. Can’t you just agree, we both get something out of it” he says, exasperated.

He reaches for your small shoulder, turning your body in his direction. He holds you while silence embraces the both of you. The sun subtly shines through the small window of the equipment room, illuminating his face, a sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you.

“What is in it for me?” you ask quietly, the moment between the two of you, making your heart beat faster.

Niki softens at the concern in your tone.

He knew you liked Minjun, everyone did, but this much? Did you really care for that douchebag? Did you lay on your bed at night, your thoughts always coming back to Kim Minjun? What did he do to steal your cold heart so easily?

“An empty locker, that’s for sure” he lets go of you “And assholes like Hyunsik won’t annoy you anymore, isn’t that enough?” he adds, his tone laced with confidence.

“You know about Hyunsik?” you ask curiously.

He stifles a sharp inhale, realization hitting him.

Did you think he cares? He doesn’t. He couldn’t care less.

He tries to calm his unsteady nerves, preventing himself from saying anything that could damage his uninterested approach to your person even more.

“Eunseok told me,” he answered quickly, his gaze turning to the small window.

You never told Eunseok.

You never told anyone cause this wasn’t something abnormal. Yes, maybe Hyunsik was a bit forward about it, pushing himself onto you, but you just forgot about it after some time.

“Alright’ you clear your throat “Let’s do it”

Niki feels an unfamiliar warmth in his heart, trying to stifle the excitement that took over his body when he heard your words.

“But what about our friends, Niki? Do you seriously think Sunghoon or Jake are that stupid?” you ask

It floods him again; the comfort of his name passing your lips, and he doesn’t know why. He’s never felt this way.

“Hana is a hopeless romantic, she’ll believe anything if you slap a ‘boyfriend’ label on it. Eunseok and Sunghoon don't care anyway, and Jake? I’ll figure it out” he answers, his voice so calm “Everyone else will just believe it as long as we make it believable” he proceeds cautiously, putting emphasis on the ‘we’.

“I don’t get not telling our friends, honestly” you murmured, looking around the room.

He sighed “No offense to Hana, but she’s the biggest blabbermouth I know” he confesses.

You agree internally, not wanting to admit it, too proud of your friendship with the girl.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow” he says after a moment of tranquility, leaving the room after he finishes his sentence.

You watch him step out and leave you alone with all the thoughts and worries.

______

And so he did pick you up.

You wondered if Niki had cleaned up his car for you, remembering the mess last time you were in it. Probably not though.

“Let’s go,” he said, keeping the door open for you.

He grabbed your hand tightly, pulling through the crowd of students gathered in front of the building. Some had a stupid look on their face, wondering how the two of you could ever be dating, some didn’t even budge.

Your chest swells with a torment of emotions, as you feel his warm, wrought hand grip yours. Pride, confusion, determination swarm through your veins, making a mess of your head. You press your knuckles to the warmth of your cheek, flustered by the looks you were receiving.

Your eyes scan the whole building, trying to find Minjun, worried what he’d say when he finds out. You never wanted him to think you were just playing with him, and by the looks of it, that’s exactly what he was thinking when his eyes spotted yours.

A sad look of disappointment decorated his face, as you passed by, holding Nishimura Riki’s hand so tightly.

You screw your eyes shut, chest rising and falling rapidly. You want to tell him everything, you know you could. But there was a boundary you promised to not cross, for yours and Niki’s peace.

“This is bullshit” Sunghoon raises his eyebrows, as the two of you appear in front of all your friends.

“The assignment you wrote for my physics class was bullshit, and I didn’t say anything. This-” he says pointing to your intertwined hands “This is for real, the real deal” he adds proudly.

How long has he been acting?

“When did all of this happen?” Hana asks excitedly.

You didn’t like agreeing with Niki, and even though it was sad to a degree, Hana really was gullible.

You smile “We just started talking, I guess. It really happened naturally”

How long have you been acting?

“But weren’t you just fighting last week? And I thought you had a thing for Minjun?” Eunseok asked. He wasn’t supposed to care.

“No, no, Minjun is just a friend” you answer after a moment.

Niki was surprised at your lack of hesitation, no signs of nervousness.

“Well congrats then. I’m happy for you guys” Jake smiled, and his acknowledgment meant the world to you.

You couldn’t not care for him after all this time spent together. You wished you didn’t care about what he thought, what he was up to, because it was no longer your place to ask or wonder.

“I hope Minjun doesn’t feel sad” Hana ponders, her soft heart melting for the boy.

You laugh at her kindness, but deep down you know she’s right “I doubt. I think I made it clear to him that I’m not interested” you reply in an attempt to calm her nerves.

“I hope so, he’s really a good guy” she mumbles, a look of frustration on her face.

You wonder why.

“He isn’t but whatever” Niki professes, a disgusted tone lacing his voice.

Eunseok laughs “One day anniversary and he’s already jealous”

You never expected them to be so gullible, to fall for such a fabricated lie, but here they were laughing and making jokes about the two of you. It was hard to lie to your friends, especially Eunseok and Hana, but something in your head kept convincing you that this was indeed a good idea.

“You should’ve made a big reveal at the game” Hana acknowledges, a sweet smile on her face as she imagines herself in your position. “Our school would win, everyone cheering you on and then boom- you run up to Y/nnie and kiss her” she tells, a twinkle to her eyes.

Niki laughs, and this time it seems genuine. He likes the thought of that, but can’t quite figure out why. Air is taken out of his lungs as he imagines carefully taking your jaw in one hand, and pressing a sweet kiss to your soft lips, as everyone cheers him on for leading the team to yet another victory.

He can’t be thinking straight.

“That’s a little bizarre don’t you think?” Sunghoon asks Hana, remembering watching something similar with the girl.

Hana shakes her head, and he just chuckles at her persistence “I’m just giving him ideas, subtly”

“Very subtle” Niki answers, and she winks at him.

“Are we still on for the after party at yours?” Eunseok asks, turning his head towards Jake who seems to be totally out of it, as he hurriedly copies Sunghoon's chemistry homework.

“Yeah, yeah. No matter if we win” he mumbles, devoted to a completely different world at the moment.

A small smile forms on your face. You would definitely hold Niki tight, making sure no girl pulls him out of your grasp for a quick seven minutes in heaven. It’s all fake, though. Nothing more than just a pact between two sworn enemies who want a little more peace in their life.

“Even if we lose, we still need to celebrate a good game” Niki smiles, and Eunseok smiles at his attitude.

“With a captain like you my guy, we ain’t never losing” Eunseok winks at Niki, receiving a small laugh and bow from the boy.

You felt guilty. This was the first time in a while when everything felt so gratifying and free amongst your friend group. With the constant fighting and teasing you never seemed to notice the charming dynamic between everyone. It felt like all along the both of you were the problem, and maybe your friends accepted this suspicious relationship so quickly, because it meant they got to experience moments like this once again.

“What do these fucking hieroglifs say, I can’t decipher this shit” Jake grunts with frustration, as he pulls the notebook closer.

Sunghoon laughs and tries to carefully explain every line of text to Jake.

Maybe you were too focused on your own problems with Niki to notice that this is what could’ve been of your friend group.

____

You and Niki seemed to get closer as time passed.

The both of you didn’t even notice it, the barrier between you passing by like a breeze. It came all so naturally, and you never knew you’d have so much in common with the boy you swore you hated.

You would accustom him to his practice sometimes, and he’d proudly show you off to all his teammates. The lines between faking it and being truthful have faded by now, confusing your heart a little. But just a little. Because at the end of the day it was fake.

“I think it’s time you pay me back,” Niki said, a mischievous smile decorating his face.

You looked at him with a confused expression “For what exactly?”

He smiles, and brings his backpack to his chest, rummaging through it to find the key item.

Niki was smart, very smart. He didn’t earn the number three rank for no reason, proudly representing the school on the pitch and in numerous academic competitions. Yet his mind couldn’t quite understand anything written in his physics textbook. He passed by fine, but it never satisfied him to cheat on his tests, and pay Sunghoon to do his homework for him.

“Tutoring? Seriously? And what did you do to deserve it?” you asked, raising your eyebrow.

He smiles widely “Well I haven’t seen any sappy men bothering you, so I think you owe me this one”

“I haven’t seen any sappy girls bothering you either, so I thought we were even” you answer, not giving into his request just yet.

You knew you’d do it. You did everything he asked you to do.

“C’mon Y/n! I need your help, just this one time, please?” he pleaded, a pout on his face “I won’t be able to play in the game this week if I don’t get a good grade on this test” he adds in an attempt to convince you.

You laugh at his desperation, and nod your head “Fine, but you owe me one”

He nods hurriedly, and pulls out all the things you’ll need to give him the greatest tutoring session ever.

“Imagine you’re driving a car” you said sketching a simple diagram “When you hit the brakes, what happens?”

Niki furrowed his eyebrows, and you wondered how he couldn’t comprehend such a simple concept as Newton's laws. It was cute in a way.

“Well I slow down, but that’s too obvious. This is probably a much more complex answer, isn’t it?” he pondered the question.

“No Niki, it’s that simple” you laugh “That’s Newton's first law in action. An object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an external force. When you hit the brakes, you apply force to the car, causing it to decelerate”

His eyes lit up in understatement, as he tried to solve another question you threw at him.

“Was it really that hard?” you asked him with a small smile, and he hesitated at first.

His eyes glazed through the notebook, but soon enough he answered “Not really. It was much better when you explained it rather than Ms. Lee”

“I’m glad” you answered “If it’s really that bad, you can ask me for help”

“It really isn’t that bad though” Niki answered, with a chuckle.

“Oh c’mon you don’t even understand Newton's laws, it is bad” you reply.

“Okay you geek, I get it. But I thought I have to deserve your tutoring?” he questioned, a small smirk on his face.

“You gotta help out a dumb bitch once in a while” he pretends to be offended at your words.

Not so long ago, he’d probably blow up at you for those words. He’d probably make a scene, resulting in everyone being uncomfortable for a good two days. This time was different. You were different.

“The way you talk to me- it’s unlike you” you inquire suddenly, after a moment of calming silence.

“How come?” Niki asks, not raising his gaze from the workbook.

“Your voice is softer” you smile, and he can’t help but reciprocate.

It brings him a weird comfort. The words passing by your lips, make his heart warmer, a trickling yet pleasing feeling in his spine. He can’t quite pinpoint the moment you touched his mind so intimately, erasing any barrier between you and him. Being with you felt so easy. It feels so easy, that he even forgets why he hated you in the first place.

“Are you coming to my game?” he asked, a new found passion for physics coursing through his veins as he solves yet another problem with ease.

You looked at him adoringly “Obviously”

He chuckled “I’m glad” he looked up at you “But I thought you hated football”

Well you did. You hated it because Niki played it. But even if he didn't ask you, you’d come.

“I just don't understand it, that’s all” you gave him a half smile, looking through his textbook for any more challenging questions for Niki to solve.

“You don't have to be there if you don't want to, Y/n”

You seem to enjoy the way your name slips his lips so delicately.

“No no, I want to be there for you, and I think It’d be sus if I didn't show up. Plus, Hana has some new crush and wants to see him play” you chuckle, and so does Niki, noting that the girl falls in love with anyone and everybody.

“Is it Jay? I’ve seen them mingling before” he questions and you shake your head.

“Jay was last month, old news. I think his name is Sungchan? Or Seunghan, I don't know” you ponder the question, going back to that one conversation you had with the girl about her new love interest.

The possibility that he’s also not the guy she likes now is very high-her heart swooning for any man that gives her the time of day.

Hana was gorgeous and incredibly sweet. No wonder she had a new talking stage every week, no boy being able to handle her.

“Sungchan. He’s a good guy. I can approve of him, definitely better than Jay” he recalls many situations including Jay, where the boy proved himself to be absolutely useless and weird.

Maybe it was his team captain complex, but Niki seemed to notice many things that others didn't. His duty was to take care of his teammates, so catching onto the tiniest things was inevitable.

“What’s wrong with Jay?” you question, and he laughs wondering if the words will even peer out of his mouth.

“He’s like, fucking perverted” he laughs “Well maybe not that badly, but still, he’s just proper dodgy”

You're shocked at his admission, and internally glad your best-friend got over him so quickly.

Your conversation with Niki seemed to flow so easily. You never had to try hard, something always slipping off your tongue, his personality making it so easy. You never thought you’d have so much in common with Niki, so much to talk to him about. You were so fixated on something that was beyond his control, instead of pissing Jake off for being a horrible friend.

____

“I need to go to the bathroom quickly before the game starts” Hana said hurriedly, her small figure rushing towards the bathroom, making you smile to yourself.

You blush. You remember the brief mention Hana made, expressing the want for a more romantic expose of the relationship between you and Niki. You wonder if Niki remembers too.

Usually you never cared for the highschool football games, skipping in order to study more or spend time with your best-friend. This time was different, you felt like a trophy to your oh-so-fake boyfriend, excited to see what comes after he scores a winning touchdown.

“Can we talk?” Minjun’s voice takes you by surprise, making you stop in a halt.

“Uh, sure” you reply, taken aback by the sudden serious tone and demeanor, knowing him from the bubbly personality and sweet voice.

“I know you’re faking it” your heart sinks “Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to yourself? Seriously, Niki?” he asks, and you go completely silent, trying to figure out a reasonable answer to his accusations.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minjun,” you say after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

A frown tugs at the corners of his mouth. He didn’t expect that reply. He doesn’t know what he really expected in the first place.

“For whatever reason you are doing this, you could’ve just asked me. Why didn’t you ask me? I would’ve helped you, no matter how stupid it is” he kept going, and it felt like you were digging yourself deeper into this lie.

He remembers standing in this same place, your hand hitting his arm playfully, your eyes lighting up at anything he said. In some way, he feels just as barren and vulnerable in your silence as he had that day.

“Minjun, I think you should go join the rest of the team. They’re probably looking for you” you answered, wondering why Hana hasn’t come to save you by now.

“I really liked you Y/n. Like really fucking liked you. I don’t know why you're doing this, especially why you’re helping out that asshole Niki” he added quietly, as Hana came up to the two of you.

“Minjun!” she smiled at him, and he forced one himself “Fighting Minjunnie! I’m rooting for you! We both are!” she cheered.

“Surely” he said, leaving the two of you.

Hana turned to you confused with Minjun's sudden ignorance “Did you two fight or something?” she asked.

“It’s nothing. I think he’s just stressed out” you replied calmly, leading the girl out to the bleachers.

You tried to focus. You tried to be the perfect (fake) girlfriend for Niki, as he played one of his most important games, but Minjun’s words sunk so deep. They were all you could think about.

You couldn't quite figure out why you didn't just admit it. Why didn't just tell him everything and end the bet with Niki? You wanted to so badly before.

“Sungchan is playing like a bitch right now” Eunseok commented, disappointed with his friends performance.

“Don't say that, Eunseok!” Hana slaps his forearm and he laughs at her anger.

At least you knew she was still crushing on him, instead of Jay.

“No seriously, what is going on with that man” Sunghoon said, squinting slightly, his eyes trailing behind Sungchans figure.

Hana kept hushing them, begging for her friends to not speak so badly about her soon-to-be husband. You found it adorable, noting to ask Niki to set her up with him.

“Our boy is doing so well though. Maybe he actually needed a girl in his life” Eunseok smiled at you.

You felt a heat rush to your cheeks at his words, wondering if he actually performed any better this time.

Maybe he was trying to show off in front of you? Or make you proud?

“He’s been training like crazy” you say, and they keep hyping him up.

“Jakey, are you okay?” Hana asked the boy sitting next to you, concerned when she noticed his tired face.

He smiled “I’m fine, Hana. Don’t worry” he said fondly “Look Sungchan is waving at you” he pointed, the girl immediately turning her figure towards him to wave back.

“Did you just see that? He waved at me! Sungchan waved at me!” Hana gleamed excitedly, Eunseok looking at her with disgust.

“I can’t believe you like his bitchass” he half-smiled, shaking his head in a playful act of disbelief.

“Aren't you two friends? Oh I’m so telling him about this” she replied, and he put his hands up.

“Maybe your fantasy will come true” you inquire, and Hana’s mind races back to the moment she imagined a dreamy kiss on the field.

“With the way he’s playing, I doubt there will be anything to celebrate” Jake said, and Hana hummed tiredly.

“Can you guys leave him alone? He’s tired, okay?” she mused, and everyone nodded, done with teasing the girl.

You can’t help but stare at Niki. Even with the heavy gear, he still manages to look good. When did he get so attractive? How come you’ve never noticed the pretty little mole on his chin, his gorgeous lips that begged for your touch, and eyes that grew whenever he talked about something he loves. He was right in front of you this whole time.

You practically begged for Minjun’s attention just a couple weeks back, yet now you felt yourself fading away from the feelings for him. You can’t bring yourself to come up with any conclusion, or to bother with distractions, but why? Why was it so hard to just accept the truth as it was: you wanted Niki to want you.

The game was nearing the end, and Niki could already smell the victory coming his way. He wanted to make you proud, he wanted to see your smile while you ran up to him, praises spewing from your mouth as he hugs you tightly. He hated that it was all fake, the realization dawning upon him; he wants you to want him.

But he knows deep down that it’ll never be the two of you.

A loud horn breaks your trail of thoughts, the audience screaming happily as Niki scores the winning touchdown. It was just like how you imagined, wondering if he’ll actually kiss you now. You know you wanted him to.

He took off his helmet, his hair ruffled, beads of sweat falling down his face, but a wide smile when he spots you with a wide grin striding towards him. It’s just like he imagined.

He doesn’t know what to do. Everyone is looking, and this is the moment he could victoriously hold you. It would make his ego grow, the perfect highschool popular kid image never dwindling, but what would you think of it? God what if you pushed him off of you in front of everyone.

As much as he could prevent things from happening or predict anything, he couldn’t have known that you would be the one to initiate his deep rooted fantasy. He couldn’t have prepared himself for your pretty lips that pressed against him in a chaste, sweet kiss. You felt so good against him, and he couldn’t find himself pulling away. He never expected himself to enjoy such a fucking cliche moment- but here he was, wanting more and more.

He wants to tell you everything in that moment- how he wanted this too, how he’d imagined your lips against his, and how he wants to kiss you everywhere. He knows he could. He’d even blame it on the slip of his unruly tongue. Yet there was a boundary he’d have to walk upon, a fear of losing you prevailing his selfishness. He knows he won’t.

“Wh-” he tries, and fails to still his breathing. Niki hopes you can’t hear the tremble in his voice “How was it?” he asks, his voice unsteady. He doesn’t care though.

“Your game or the kiss” you smile, and he wonders how you can be so calm about this.

He smiles shyly “Both”

“Stop” you laugh and he feels himself float above his body “You did great”

“All for you” his response is amorous.

Niki can’t help but laugh at your silence, watching you replay those words in your head. He pats your head, and throws his arm over your shoulder.

How could any of this possibly be fake?

“Good fucking game dude�� Eunseok exclaimed, with a bright smile on his face, as everyone else decided to join you by Niki’s side.

You looked around, a giddy and gleeful Hana, hugging a tired and sweaty Sungchan, as he smiled at her affection. Everyone had happily come down to congratulate the team, but Minjun was nowhere to be seen. Maybe you never intended to hurt him, but you so obviously did.

“Jake you better fucking continue this energy at your disgustingly rich mansion” Sunghoon warned, and Jake smiled at his words.

“You don’t have to worry about that” he replied contentedly, and you were glad to see him like this.

Jake was rich. Like really fucking rich. To the point that he was offended when ‘eat the rich’ was trending, defending that he didn’t choose this life. His mansion in the hills was the go to spot for summer and any other party.

But then again, it’s not like he didn’t have people to clean up after everything goes silent.

_____

“Y/n!” you turned, your eyes meeting Wonbin’s, as you entered the kitchen you knew better than anyone present.

You smiled, as the boy moved in your direction holding a red solo cup.

Wonbin was your designated drink mixer and party buddy for whatever event hosted by whoever. You wouldn't call him a close friend, rather a person you’d talk to only on a special occasion.

“Where your boyfriend at?” he asked with a grin, making you chuckle.

The word didn't make your heart feel weird anymore. It felt so natural, normal, and sometimes you’d even forget it was all fake. For the past couple of weeks you’ve learned to forget easily, not wanting to pick apart Niki’s actions to maybe notice a pattern. You didn’t want to accidentally misinterpret.

“Probably playing some stupid game in the living room” you sighed, hoping to get a little more out of him this time.

You knew that the fake relationship was coming to an end, it already had gone on for way too long.

“Mhm” Wonbin hummed, resting his body on the kitchen counter “It’s fake isn’t it?” he asked, taking you by surprise.

You had absolutely no idea what to say. Wonbin really wasn't a part of any friend group you knew or were in, so what was the shame in telling him the truth? But it’d hurt your pride too much to say the truth out loud.

You avoided eye contact, not knowing what reply would secure your safety and not damage your pride. Your silence made Wonbin laugh “C’mon, you can tell me”

“It’s so embarrassing” you admit, and he shakes his head.

“Not really. There’s plenty of girls who dream of this whole fake dating type of shit” he defended, and it made you smile lightly.

He was right. There were girls out there who fantasized about a fake relationship, and there definitely were also girls who dream about a relationship with Nishimura Riki.

Even though you initially hated his guts, maybe you were lucky after all?

“I just can't comprehend the fact you chose Niki out of all people to be your fake boyfriend” he chuckled, and took a sip of his own drink.

“It was his idea, I promise” you replied, and Wonbin mouthed a ‘no fucking way’, unable to imagine Niki, the person who swore he hated everything about you, ask you to be his fake girlfriend.

“People can be really annoying, and I guess we just had some things in common after all” you added, and he nodded, still trying to visualize the situation you described.

In a way it felt good to tell someone. You had been hiding it for so long, the lies eating you alive.

It had been so long that you didn't even know what had become of this initially fake relationship. The line had already been blurred a long time ago, and it was hard to move along it at this point. He had done so many things, in private, that you didn't know where you stood anymore.

“I can tell you actually like him” Wonbin admitted, once again taking you by surprise “The way you talk about him, it’s different”

“You act so smart and psychological, it’s so annoying” you huffed, and turned away from him, chugging the drink he had previously made for you.

He laughed “The truth hurts, doesn't it?”

“I don’t like Niki” you said, trying to sound as confident as you could, but Wonbin saw right through you anyway.

He didn't want to continue the topic, knowing he had already exhausted your limits. You also knew that no matter what, admitting something like that out loud wouldn't be easy either.

The built up hatred and anger you had for Niki, couldn't have just disappeared so easily after a couple conversations and hangouts. But it did. And it frustrated you so much.

“You guys playing spin the bottle in the living room with us?” a red faced Hana asked, peeking her head into the kitchen slightly.

“With us, meaning?” Wonbin asked, making Hana slightly stumble into the kitchen.

She started putting down her fingers “Well me, obviously” she smiled “Sungchannie, thank god” she let out a steady, thankful breath “Some girls, Oh Jia, Lee Chae, I don’t really recognize the rest. Oh, and Eunseok, Yang Jungwon, Minjunnie and some others” she went on, her drunken state making the explanation much longer than it should've been.

“No, no, no! Niki too! Y/n you need to come!” she exclaimed, eyes wide. She took your hand and pulled you with her.

You looked at Wonbin pleadingly, and with a small smile he trailed right behind the two of you. He always claimed to be ‘too old’ for those type of games, but always ended up staying till the end of any.

Park Wonbin was truly full of shit.

Your eyes met Niki’s as he sat in the circle, his back pressed against the couch. You looked at him, mouthing ‘what are you doing’ and he pointed to Oh Jia sitting across from him.

You knew she liked him, and it definitely didn't make you happy.

“I can see some couples here, yall into shit like this?” Jungwon asked, eyeing not only you and Niki, but Hana and Sungchan who seemed to have already made the news that went around school.

You chuckled quietly and shook your head “It’s nothing that serious, just a stupid game”

“It will be serious for you soon” Jia mumbled, her friend turning to her with a shit eating grin.

Oh if they only knew how absolutely out of it they looked. What the fuck were they even talking about anyway.

“I don’t think we should be playing this” you whispered to Niki, who previously patted down a seat for you next to himself.

“Look how many people are playing, doubt me or you will get chosen” he smiled, and you nodded.

Still, isn't the sole fact you are even agreeing to participate weird? Shouldn’t you be mingling in a closet somewhere deep inside the house? God what was he thinking. This was so unbelievable, and you weren't surprised that Wonbin had caught on.

“Me first!” Hana cheered excitedly, as Eunseok had finally brought a bottle to play with.

You looked over at Sungchan, who had a sad expression on his face. You could see his eyes praying on the bottle to land on him, his hands trembling with each spin. It was cute.

The Gods above must have heard his prayers, the bottle landing on him with no doubt.

He smiled and leaned into your bestfriend to plant a quick kiss on her lips. She pouted and grabbing his head, pushed for more. Maybe she was drunk, but you knew she’d remember this well. Although a witness, you’d hear about it for a long long time.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to spin, Sungchan?” Eunseok chuckled, and the boy holding onto Hana, shook his head no.

“Two players down so quickly” a boy with black hair, who you didn't recognize, commented.

While Jungwon went in to spin, your eyes caught Minjun’s. You couldn't read him, his expression stone cold. He was either mad at you or didn't care. That’s the thing, you didn't know.

“Stop looking at him” Niki whispered, cutting your moment with Minjun short.

“I think he’s mad at me” you said, and Niki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Why?” he asked, eyeing Minjun down.

“He figured it out, you know, figured us out” you replied, putting emphasis on the word ‘us’ “I didn't admit, obviously, and that’s why I think he’s mad. He’s convinced I played him on purpose” you added, and Niki’s gaze softened.

“I’m sorry” he said quietly, his eyes falling onto his lap.

You looked at him confused, “What are you talking about?”

He finally looked over at you, his face displaying a half smile, that felt cold to you “I ruined your chances with Minjun. I guess I was only thinking about myself back then, so I’m saying sorry. I can talk to him when this is over” he answered, and you felt your heart break.

He didn't like Minjun, you knew it very well. Minjun knew it too. But somehow he felt bad for the both of you. If only he knew how much you didn't care about Kim Minjun at this moment. How much you actually cared about the boy next to you. Maybe if he knew he wouldn't feel so sorry, you thought.

“You don't have to be sorry, Niki. We both wanted this” you smiled, and squeezed his hand.

“I can tell Niki really wants to go now” Sunghoon exclaimed, and hurried Niki to spin the bottle.

The boy hesitated, looking over at you. You nodded for him to go ahead with a smile. God was this weird? You agreeing to your (fake) boyfriend playing fucking spin the bottle. Not only that , but playing with him. This was so stupid.

He took the small soju bottle, and spinned it lightly. He prayed it would fall on you.

Or one of his bros, no homo of course.

The music was blaring, and you hoped that bottle could feel your intense stare, successfully landing on you.

As much as luck was on Sungchan’s side today, he seemingly took all of it with him earlier. The bottle pointed straight at Oh Jia, the girl who was known for her little obsession with Niki.

She looked at you with a disgusting smile, and moved her body towards Niki. He looked at you, and you didn't even know what to say. You couldn't tell him no, he wasn't yours after all.

“Sorry, Y/n” she muttered, and you felt your blood boil at her annoying, high pitched voice.

She moved even closer, but her actions were stopped with Niki moving the bottle's nozzle to point at you.

He didn't even let you or Jia speak, eagerly going in to kiss your lips he missed so much. It hasn't even been 3 hours since you initiated the first one, but his lips starved for your touch. You could feel it. You could feel the desperation in his movements. The taste of his chapstick mixing in with the saliva, it was much more passionate than last time.

“Payback for last time” he mumbled, pulling away, his voice unsteady.

You looked at him dumbfounded. What the fuck did he just do? Was this another stunt to show off his cool, popular boy persona, cause it seemed just like that. But you couldn't blame him either, you started it.

No matter what, it felt good, and you wondered how to get yourself to stop.

“That’s cheating!” Jia’s friend exclaimed, crossing her arms.

“The bottle is clearly on her, I don't know what you're talking about” Wonbin defended, and you smiled at him.

Jia huffed, leaving the game along with her friend.

“We’ll leave too” you said, watching them go upstairs.

Jungwon sighed “I’m forced to kiss the boys now”

You looked around, not a single woman in the circle that was initially full.

You pulled Niki’s hand, taking him to an empty room. He felt confident at that moment, rehearsing his confession in his head. He was going to tell you. He was going to tell you, and it was going to be amazing. You’d listen to him in awe, and then agree to be his actual girlfriend.

“I have something to tell you” he said, as you closed the door behind yourself.

He sat down on the bed, and you stood in front of him “Me too”

“You go first” he smiled, and you looked out the window, the words lingering at the tip of your tongue.

You wanted to tell him how you actually felt. But you knew you couldn't. You were enemies, nothing more.

“We should end this,” you said after a moment of silence.

_____

Things had gone back to normal.

You didn’t expect much from Niki, guessing he’d either be overly nice to you, expressing his thankfulness for helping him get rid of annoying fangirls, or go back to being annoying himself.

But he was neither. He didn’t say anything. Just like he didn’t say anything that day, he had gone completely quiet ever since. Instead of teasing you, he ignored you.

He ate lunch with the football team, and it hurt you to see him laugh purely with them. It even seemed like he had gotten along with Minjun, which confused you even further. They hated each other, but now? It seemed like they were just laughing at your misery, getting high off of seeing you like this. Was this just a huge plan to get you looking like a complete loser?

Maybe he should’ve been sorry that day, not only did you lose Minjun, but everyone of your fanboys at this school. That sounded awful, but it was partially true.

You two had only revealed the 'breakup' to your closest friends, not exactly reaching any agreement regarding the rest of the students.

You could pretend to be mad at him in front of your friends, but it hurt you so much. It hurt to see him behave like this towards you, knowing you did nothing wrong. You two were never real, so why was he so different so suddenly. You just hoped that it was a performance for your friends to make it more believable, but as days went by, you started to doubt it.

“This is a sign that I shouldn’t regret not dating Hana,” Sunghoon chuckled, looking over at the table Niki was seemingly having more fun at. He never laughed like this with all of you.

Was it all for show?

“Fuck off” you mumbled, looking down at your lunch, which was vastly unappetising today.

“It’s not your fault, Y/n, don’t worry. For all I know, it was probably his fault anyways” Jake said, which made you suddenly look up from your food for the first time in a while.

“You defending me?” you chuckled, and he shrugged.

You looked over at Niki once again, attempting to catch him looking at you too.

But he can’t. He can’t bear to look at you. He can only think about the dark heat of that room, your words ringing in his ears. Resisting the searing force that wanted, more than anything, to try and tell you again.

“God, this is so annoying!” Hana exclaimed “Y/nnie didn’t do anything, and he’s acting like a pussy all of a sudden”

She pouted, a weird vibe circulating all of you today. It felt like you were mourning him in some way.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, a text message from Minjun lighting up your homescreen. It was ironic, a picture of you and Niki on your lock screen, a message from Minjun decorating it.

Minjun: Can we talk?

You thought about replying, the scenarios of him playing a stupid prank on you along with Niki replaying in your mind. Nevertheless, you texted back a short confirmation, and locked your phone.

You could feel his eyes on you, as you set your phone down on the table.

…

“What did you want to talk about?” you asked, your voice unsure of the situation.

It felt familiar, meeting in the equipment room, but this time instead of Niki who had the prettiest face out there, it was Kim Minjun.

“I knew it was fake” he said, and you felt a heat rise to your cheeks.

You looked away from him, your eyes landing on the window. The sky was gray, the sun no longer shining in through it.

“I don’t want to talk about this again, Minjun,” you sighed, tired of the topic already. Especially tired of talking about it with him.

“No that’s not the point” he stopped you from leaving, you turned towards him once again.

“Then what is it Minjun? Did Niki tell you all about it? Did he tell you how stupid I was to fall for him, even though it was all fake? Did you get me to come here only so you could make fun of me for being so naive? Is that what it is?” you blurted out. You had suddenly lost control over your words, your response coming out much harsher than you intended.

“What are you talking about? Do you seriously think I’m plotting behind your back with Niki?” he asked hurriedly.

Now that he said it, out loud, it sounded so stupid. You knew Niki long enough to know he hates Minjun more than he has ever hated you, and would never ever make any deal with him.

“Maybe” you huffed, turning from him “I don’t know Minjun. Can you just say it already?”

He sat down on the chair in the far right corner, his hand signaling for you to come closer, patting down the chair next to him.

“I guess I did sort of figure it out, the fact that what you and Niki had was fake. But he told me about it himself recently. He also said you didn’t intend to hurt me, and that he forced you to do this whole fake dating thing” Minjun relayed the message, and you didn’t know Niki would remember your conversation during that stupid game.

Niki was evidently mad at you for ending things with him, but encouraging Minjun to try with you once again? That was what pissed you off the most, you couldn’t figure him out in any possible way. One day you can’t figure out the actual intention behind his words, exchanging sweet words and kisses, and the other, going back to complete strangers. Not even enemies, strangers.

“He really said that?” you asked, and Minjun nodded “I really didn’t want to hurt you Minjun. I’m sorry for leading you on, in some way. I should’ve never agreed to it in the first place” you add, avoiding eye contact with the boy.

You hear him chuckle, and with a furrow to your eyebrows you look up at him.

He smiles “It’s not your fault I already know that much. I shouldn’t have blown up on you before the match like that anyways. It truly is none of my business who you hang out with” he assured, and it made you feel a little better.

“I know, but I just hope you can still speak to me comfortably after this” you gave him a small smile, still unsure of your situation with him.

“I’m not going to try and get with you again though, don't worry” he said calmly, and although you knew it, it still felt weird to hear.

You chuckled “Not to sound selfish, but why? Am I not cute anymore?” you pouted sarcastically, and he laughed.

“I can see you like him, like a lot. I even felt stupid for saying those things to you, cause you made it so believable at the party. The way you look at him, the way you speak to him, that’s not fake. All of it is real, and I wouldn’t want to stand in the middle of that” he answered, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

And you thought you were good at hiding it.

“Niki doesn’t feel the same though” you gave him a sad smile, fiddling with the material of your sweater.

“You think so?” he asks, but it doesn't necessarily sound like a question.

You hum in agreement, and he chuckles lightly “The same goes for him. Trust me it’s real. I can see it, hear it and feel it. The way his voice was so sad yet hopeful when he spoke to me about you, I know he likes you. Niki is just really stubborn, and he’d rather live in misery and not tell anyone instead of just admitting his feelings to you, or honestly anyone else” he explains, and you feel your heart start to beat faster.

Was he right? Did Niki like you? Or did Minjun have a terrible judge of character and all this way a complete bullshit.

“What should I do then? Gosh this is so annoying” you sighed, combing your fingers through your hair.

“Tell him? What else is there to do? If I’m wrong, which I’m not” he smiled proudly “-and he doesn’t like you, I owe you big time” he offered.

“I don’t know if I should take that risk, though” you said, and he rolled his eyes playfully.

“Do you really want it to be like this for the rest of highschool? God, if he doesn’t like you, you’ll just find someone better”

Easier said than done.

But maybe he was right. At the end of the day you had nothing to lose, so why not just tell him?

“Fine” you grumble, and he laughs, taking your hand to pull you out of the room, before any teacher finds you.

_____

You had left a note in his locker the next day, too scared to face him yourself.

You waited, hiding your body behind the huge column, peeking to see if he had come to grab something from his locker already.

You felt like one of his fangirls. Giggling to yourself, as you awaited the arrival of your mighty savior, Nishimura Riki, hoping you are the one he picks. Hoping that he reads your note, and whispers an ‘I like you too’ rosy cheeked, hot breath and all.

How did you get like this? You curse yourself for letting something so seemingly small, so innocent, writhe under your skin and possess your mind.

You didn’t catch it, lost in your mind, envisioning the numerous scenarios that could occur after he receives your note.

He sighs with annoyance, a note filling his locker, it had been so long since he received one, it felt unfamiliar. Niki was frustrated, hoping that the notes weren’t making a sudden comeback.

He opens it, curious as to what it may be. He couldn’t help it, wanting to remind himself of the feeling reading confessions like this brought him. But what he didn’t expect was to see your name written on it.

He thought it may have been a prank, a stupid way to get you back together made up by your dear friends, but it wasn’t. This was your handwriting, the same one that wrote all his physics notes and study guides.

‘Niki, it’s Y/n. This is weird isn’t it? Like me writing notes to you. I hope you don’t see the pink envelope, and throw it out like you always do. But I’ll know if you do, anyways. Well first of all I wanted to apologize. I don’t even know what for, so this may be stupid, but I feel like I should. You looked so sad, and I know it’s because of me. So I’m sorry, Niki. If I did something wrong, something to hurt you, please tell me! Anyways, I wanted to tell you something. I like you Nishimura Riki. I’ve liked you for a long, long time now, but I myself didn’t know it just yet. But I’m saying it now, and I'm very much sure of it. I guess it took some stupid physics tutoring, geeky Wonbin and finally Minjun whom you hate so much for me to realize. God, maybe I shouldn’t talk about him in a note where I confess to you? Forget it. I didn’t kiss you that day to show off, I kissed you because I really freaking wanted to. And it felt so good when I did. So please don’t think I ended things with you that day because you kissed me, no, not at all. I guess I just couldn’t stand this relationship being fake, because to me, all the things I did were real. You don’t have to reciprocate, or even say anything, I just wanted you to know. And I would hope you feel the same, but it’s okay if you don’t’

His mouth runs dry.

It explodes in his chest all at once; how bad he wants to grab a fistfull of your blazer, stroke his fingers against your ivory jaw, and kiss you senseless. He would rub his thumb against your swollen lips, and tell you how much he likes you.

He looks around, spotting your shoe slightly peeking out from behind the column a little ahead of the lockers.

“Baek Y/n!” he shouts, and you're suddenly brought back to reality.

Your mind had been rushing for so long, you didn’t even notice Niki walking up to his locker, and managing to even read the whole note.

You slightly peek your head out, and catch his eyes already looking at you. He strides towards you quickly, and you can’t tell if he’s mad or happy. He holds the note in his hand tightly as he stands in front of you.

“What is this?” he smirks, and you still can’t tell if he’s about to make fun of you or return your feelings.

You shrug, looking away from him.

“It’s cute. You even put those stickers we bought at the stationery store on it” he points out, chuckling, and grabs your hand so you can face him again. “What do you think I’ll say now?” he tilts his head, and you find it incredibly attractive.

“I don’t know” you murmured, unsure of the situation you have gotten yourself into.

“Let’s see” he scans the note again “I think I like you too” he smiles, and you don’t know if he’s fucking with you or not.

“You think?” you ask, copying his action by tilting your head slightly.

He laughs “Are you really going to make me say it?”

You nod with a smile “Mmm”

“Yes Y/n, I like you. I don’t think I like you, I definitely like you. I’ve also liked you for a long time, but I didn’t want to admit it because I knew you probably didn’t. And that day, when you ended things, I wanted to tell you. But I’m glad you did it, even if I had to wait a little longer. That fake relationship was fucking with my head big time” he answers, and you feel stupid for not letting him speak first that day. You could’ve avoided this whole misunderstanding.

But things happen for a reason.

“Are you being for real?” you ask, and he chuckles.

He grabs your shoulders “Very real”

You pull him closer, tightly embracing his body. He smiles, the familiar scent hitting his nose. Niki’s cheeks are glowing red, and he can’t hide his toothy smile.

“So would you want to be my girlfriend, like my real girlfriend” he asks, his voice muffled by the material of your sweater.

You laugh lightly at his tone “I don’t know…. You tell me” you tease, and he pulls away to look at you with a small pout.

“Cmon, just tell me” he pleads.

“Yes Niki, I want to be your real girlfriend” you answer, emphasizing the word ‘real’.

Now you could finally enjoy him, and by the way your heart beat, this time you were certain it was real.

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spif-lol · 7 months

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People can hate on Chibnall's era all they want and while it's not without it's problems I will always defend it if ONLY for it's interpretation of gender in the change from 12 to 13.

I remember being so excited for Jodie, but also so scared as to how they were going to handle her characterization as the Doctor. While Moffat did okay with Missy in the end, her original introduction was dripping with stereotypes and changes in personality which in universe boiled down to she's a girl now lol. Because of this I feared the introduction of a hyperfeminine Doctor, reinforcing sexist stereotypes that men and women are fundamentally different in some ineffable way. I feared jokes about boobs and hair, I feared a weak Doctor who had to be saved by male companions, I worried there would be a lack of personality entirely, with Chibnall trying to play it safe and make her just a blank slate. Or that she would be a rehash of an old Doctor but GIRLY with nothing really distinct to her personality beyond that.

I did not at all expect what we got. Even if the writing is in general lower standards than us fans had come to expect, Chibnall's handling of the Doctor's sudden gender change is phenomenal and I will explain why.

Top 13th Doctor gender moments:

It is so obvious that from the Doctor's point of view, she hasn't really changed. She still perceives herself the same way and finds it hard to adjust to a view of herself as a woman and often uses masculine words to describe herself out of habit. She doesn't dislike being a woman! She's just forgetful! Her regeneration is not special because of the gender change, that's just a quirk alongside the other changes every Doctor goes through when they regenerate

The way she still dresses in a distinctly Doctorish way, and leans towards flamboyant but practical masculine outfits like her suit in Spyfall in contrast to Yaz's more feminine presentation in the same situations. (Yaz isn't even that feminine either. But her dresses and blouses compared to the Doctor really stand out.)

I love how the Doctor's gender doesn't change anything about her, only how other's view her. And mostly people still treat her with respect and as an authority figure. I feel like chibnall struck a good balance between not acknowledging the gender change at all vs hitting us over the head with it. There are episodes where her being a woman is detrimental and she expresses annoyance, there are others where it causes confusion, and there's some where it opens her up to new experiences like the wedding party with Yaz's nan! But ultimately it doesn't make a difference in the Doctor's day to day

The introduction of the Fugitive Doctor as a previous regeneration but also as a female doctor with a distinct personality from thirteen! We got a multi doctor story with two badass female doctors years before it should have been possible! I hate the timeless child thing but the fugitive doctor is my beloved. Props to Chibnall for seeing the hate and people going oooh but the doctor has always been a man and responding by going nope she's been a woman before and a black woman too fuck you. actually iconic. #Season6B btw. if you even care

Idk i just think Jodie really captured the Doctor really well, while still having a unique twist on it and her portrayal really reads as a genderfluid alien in a feminine body. Like oh cool this is new but ultimately it dont matter she still the doctor

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #fugitive doctor #thinkin bout doctor who and gender #jodie whittaker

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st4rtar0t · 2 months

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Their first impression of you

future spouse or future lover

DM for personal readings.

Picture 1

Their first impression of you might be a mix of uncertainty and clarity. At first, they may see you as someone who is trying to make a tough decision or facing a dilemma, perhaps appearing guarded or cautious. However, they also sense a strong sense of intellect and honesty about you, as if you're someone who seeks truth and clarity in all situations. As they get to know you better, their impression shifts towards seeing you as a person of authority and stability. They notice your practical approach to life and your ability to handle responsibilities with ease. You come across as someone who is grounded, reliable, and capable of achieving success through hard work and perseverance. Yet, there's also an element of spontaneity and adventure to their perception of you. They see you as someone who is unafraid to take risks and embrace new beginnings. You exude a sense of optimism and excitement, as if you're always ready to embark on a new journey or pursue your dreams without fear of failure. but i also see that beneath this confident exterior, they detect a hint of vulnerability. They sense that you've experienced some emotional pain or heartache in the past, which has left its mark on you. Despite this, they admire your resilience and your ability to overcome challenges with grace and strength. They see you as someone with a lot of layers to explore and admire.

Picture 2

In their eyes, you come across as someone who's bold and confident, with a natural leadership aura. They also find you really physically attractive, especially your eyes and hair. I also heard "a change for the better" so they see you as a change they need in their life or They may see you as someone who's moving away from troubled waters, leaving behind any difficulties or conflicts with grace and determination. There's a sense of inner strength and resilience about you that's quite noticeable, its like no matter how bad your situation may be you remain hopeful for a better future. They might perceive you as someone who's full of creative energy and enthusiasm, always ready to embark on new adventures or projects. Maybe because you always have something going on in your life. However, they might also sense a hint of struggle or feeling left out in some aspects of your life, perhaps financially or emotionally. They may perceive you as someone who has had a challenging life and has faced a lot of heartbreaks. Nonetheless, they see you as someone who's generous and willing to share what you have with others, showing both kindness and practicality. They really admire your kind and helpful nature and your ability to deal with people and situations with ease. Roses and sunflowers may be significant.

Picture 3

I sense that they might perceive you as someone who comes across as determined and direct, like someone who doesn't beat around the bush, someone who moves forward with a clear vision in mind. They may see you as someone who carries a heavy load or responsibility, perhaps giving off vibes of being burdened or stressed by various tasks or obligations. on the other hand they may see you as someone who has controlling issues. They might sense a mysterious aura around you, like you have a depth or intuition that isn't immediately obvious, like you have hidden knowledge or understanding of things that they couldn't quite put their finger on. Also, they might perceive you as someone with a lot of creative energy or passion, someone who's bursting with new ideas or projects. They could also feel that you possess a sense of balance and harmony, you're able to juggle different aspects of your life effectively. I also sense that they might see you as someone who values collaboration and teamwork, perhaps appearing cooperative or willing to work with others. THeir impression might include a sense of emotional openness or purity, like you're sincere and genuine in your interactions with others.

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moodriingz · 1 month

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The Prophecy | J. Hughes

Summary | You’ve given up on love until love hits you in the face (with a door)

Warnings | Unedited, one curse word, (really bad) angst

Author's Note | I finally finished all of my finals! So that means more regular stories so send in requests! This is also part of my 100 follower celebration!

Masterlist | 100 follower celebration

You never expected to feel so lost in a city you lived in for most of your adult life. You and your college boyfriend broke up after five years of dating. You met early in your freshman year and were stuck together like glue. He made you feel like you caught lightning in a bottle, so much so you were willing to do anything for him. So many of your friends thought you were going to get married and he had been hinting at it since you graduated a year ago.

You were blindsided when he said that he didn’t think you two should be together anymore and basically kicked you out of your shared apartment. Luckily Hannah, your best friend, offered to stay in her apartment until you could find one.

All you could think was that it was your fault. Why else would he end it so suddenly? He gave you little to no explanation. Even though you were still so young you felt like you would never find a love like his. It was like someone was betting against you. All you ever wanted was someone who wanted your company.

After a couple of weeks you were able to find a new apartment in a different part of town and you never felt so excited or rejuvenated. Hannah was trying to convince you to start dating again, but you told her it was too soon. You were scared someone was betting against your love life and you didn’t want to risk it yet.

Little did you know when you went to check out a new pizza place you would run into the cutest guy you’ve ever seen. It wasn’t a normal meeting though he almost gave you a concussion by hitting you with the door.

“I’m so sorry, are you ok? How many fingers am I holding up?” The stranger asks as he stares into your eyes looking for any signs of injury. Before you respond you notice his really tall friend recovering the pizza off the ground.

“I’m fine thank- why are you moving your finger in front of my eyes?” You ask confused about what he is doing.

“I’m trying to make sure you don’t have a concussion. You hit your head pretty hard when you fell,” he said, still doing some concussion protocol? You’re not too certain what is happening honestly.

“I think I’m ok I really appreciate it though,” you say finally getting the opportunity to stand up as he backs up. You go to move inside before he stops you.

“Wait what’s your name?”

“Y/n,” You tell him before turning around to enter the shop and order your much deserved pizza.

Later you meet up with Hannah to debrief about both of your weeks. You almost forgot to tell her about the mystery pizza man until she mentions dating to you again.

“Hannah, I'm not going on a date right now. But there was this really cute guy who almost gave me a concussion the other night when I went to get pizza,” You say nonchalantly.

“What? Y/n why didn’t you tell me? What’s his name? Are you going out with him?” She babbles as you roll your eyes.

“No to all of those questions. I felt like such a fool because of my ex and I’m not doing that again.” You say with a shrug. Living alone has really forced you to think about your relationship and you realized that the end of your relationship was most likely your fault, and you definitely do not want to get into another relationship until you figure out how to stop it from happening again.

After dinner you and Hannah decide to hit a club that was only semi full until the hockey crowd filtered in after the game. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits though so the Devils must have won.

Little did you know is that your pizza mystery man was currently walking in the club with some of his teammates to celebrate. Hannah was a pretty big fan and spotted some of them almost instantly.

“Oh my gosh the Devils are here we should go say hey. Maybe you can find a date,” She wasn’t going to take no for an answer so you just let her pull you by the wrist.

Hannah finally stops when she’s face to face with Nico, who you only recognize because of all of his ads around town. Before you can introduce yourself someone calls out your name.

“Y/n,” Your mystery man. He says it shocked like he didn’t expect to see you again.

“You know Jack Hughes?” Hannah whispers into your ear. You just ignore her because maybe it's fate? Maybe it’s a cruel joke?

You don’t even know what to say, you’re so shocked by the turn of events. You never would’ve thought you’d meet him again. You thought your near concussion experience would be the last you see of him.

“I’m Jack by the way,” He says and you’re drawn in by his voice and his eyes that haven’t left yours.

“I think you owe me a drink for almost killing me,” You say, shocking yourself.

“In my defense I didn’t try to give you a concussion, my brother was distracting me,” He says leading you to the bar. You order your regular drink and he does the same before asking you if you’d want to talk for a bit.

The two of you talked for what seemed like minutes until Hannah came to find you to let you know that she’s leaving. You check the time and realize you should probably leave as well.

“I had an amazing night thanks for keeping me company,” You say getting up to leave.

“Wait let me give you my number,” Jack says standing up and you nod, handing him your phone.

You walk Hannah home because you’re much more sober than she is and all she can talk about is that you know Jack Hughes.

“You should go out with him, he's so cute and sweet.”

“Hannah I’m not dating right now and you know that,” You say, leading her to her door.

“Yeah I know but you just deserve to be happy, and I really think he would be perfect for you,” She said, drawing out her syllables. You say goodnight and make your way home which luckily isn’t too far from her apartment.

The next day you decide to listen to Hannah and reach out to Jack. You try texting him telling him that you had a great time talking to him last night, but the message never gets delivered. All you can do is feel idiotic. It wasn’t fate to run into him twice (physically or not). You feel so childish thinking maybe this was your chance.

You blame Hannah for getting your hopes up to think that maybe something could happen. You were starting to think that maybe it was some cruel joke fate was playing on you. You were almost compelled to pray to change your prophecy, but then you just started feeling even more insane. But, there must be a way to change it, right?

Later in the week you decide to work out of a cafe nearby and feel like the universe is playing some sick joke on you. As you look up your eyes meet with a pair of blue eyes staring you down. You smile shyly at the hockey player not knowing how to respond to someone who never responded to your text. Jack took that as an invitation to join you.

“You never called,” He says as he sits down.

“I texted but you never responded,” You say nervous you’d get turned down in person this time.

“What are you talking about? I was so excited to see you again because I wanted to get your number the first time we met but I thought it would be weird if I asked after almost giving you a head injury. I would’ve noticed if you texted me,” He rambles and you just pull out your phone to show him the message. He clicks around on your phone until his eyes get wide.

“I gave you the wrong number,” Jack says with a blush on his face. You feel that maybe your tables are turning. Instead of fate working against you, maybe they just wanted you two to meet a couple of times.

“Third times a charm right?” You smile at him as he fixes his number in your phone. You two fall into conversation once again before he checks the time.

“I have to go but I can’t leave until you agree to go on a date with me,” Jack says with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. You just nod knowing that someone was finally betting on your love life.

#hockey imagine #nhl imagine #nhl x reader #hughes brothers #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #nj devils #jack hughes fic #jh86 #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes x y/n #jack hughes x oc

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winstonsns · 13 days

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the gang with a soc!reader

authors note: sorry the last one was kind of all over the place. i tend to ramble when i write so ill try to stay more on topic this time. in this preference, you and the characters will already be a couple :3 im also wondering if people are clicking the hashtags then they see my posts?? so if that’s what’s happening and you can see my posts when you click the hashtags please tell me because i have no idea if it’s working LMAO

includes: ponyboy, johnny, darry, soda, dally, two-bit and steve

word count: 2.0k

warnings: mild cussing, mentions of fighting/getting jumped

PONYBOY CURTIS

you both are academic BEASTS so you’re somewhat rivals and trying to get to the top of the class

but you’re still together, it’s a healthy relationship

most of the time, you’ll actually walk him home from wherever you are since it’s safe for you to walk home on your own, but since he’s a greaser it’s not safe for him

when you met the gang they taught you how to fight in case some greasers or even some socs tried to fight you

by walking him home, you’ve actually prevented him from getting beat up

you like to take him out to get food or something he wants when he gets a good grade since he gets happy when they’re high

sometimes you’ll get lower grades than him and you two will study together, or reversed

you’ll get him a new book every time he finishes another one, by the end of the year he has a new shelf just filled with books you’ve given him

you occasionally read him to sleep when he’s having a hard time, or again reversed

he falls asleep pretty quickly when you do this and he really appreciates it

you always sit together during assemblies and choose to be each others partner in the classes you have together

if you don’t decide to do track one year you’ll go to his meets, and after you always take him out to eat since you’re proud

if he’s extra tired then he’ll ask to go home so you will

you learned how to cook so he can have big nice meals, along with baking chocolate cake when soda and darry aren’t there to make it

pony thinks you make it better than darry but will never tell him that

he really loves spending time with you and feels like you’re the first person besides johnny to really understand him

you made him think about socs in a different way too, in a good way

yall are just humans doing what you know best, some in different environments and had different parents with different parenting styles

you like to bring him to the best places in tulsa to watch the sunsets

you also get the best polaroids of the sunsets and the colors are so beautiful

JOHNNY CADE

as soon as he told the gang that he was dating someone they were excited for him, then they found out you were a soc

dally told him to break up with you without even knowing you, johnny told him to give you a chance

when johnny invited you to the curtis house to meet his friends, you brought presents for all of them since you wanted to make a good impression

you had your ways about finding what they like and don’t like

they immediately took a liking to you when you gave them presents and a kiss on johnnys cheek

you’d patch him up and give him bandaids to take home after getting beat up by socs or his parents

sometimes you’d give him money and he would use that money to get you something you’ve been wanting for a while

he’s always so thankful for everything you do for him and everything you give him

since your parents don’t really care about the differences between greasers and socs, they let johnny stay over since they know things are rough at home

sometimes they’ll take you and him out for dinner with them and you think it’s so cute

he was nervous your parents wouldn’t like him since most of the socs parents would think he’s gross

he’s always proud of you for naturally getting good grades and seeing the smile on your face when you get your report card

sometimes when he’s upset you two will cuddle in your bed or you’ll drive him to a restaurant or fast food place

he always feels bad about spending your money but you tell him not to feel bad about it since you have more

DARRY CURTIS

things got more financially stable when you came into his life

you’d help him pay groceries and the bills if he was struggling, you also helped around the house

sometimes he’ll wake up to the smell of bacon, waffles, eggs, etc and suddenly its like he doesn’t have to be the responsible one 24/7

having you in his life has improved everything, and his brothers are so thankful to have you there too

you’re like a mother to them and they’re comfortable enough to open up to you

sometimes you’ll ask him out on cute little dates randomly just so he can get a break of hard work

he’ll take the day off and get all dressed up since you told him you were taking him to a really fancy restaurant

occasionally you’ll get your nails done just for your dates and he always notices

you’ll ask him “which color is better” and he’ll say “aren’t they the same?” then you have to explain to him that one is darker than the other

he still doesn’t see the difference but chooses one anyway since he likes to see you happy

he’s literally so in love with you and how you’ll do romantic and domestic things for him

you’re so beautiful and perfect in his eyes, and sometimes he’ll stare at you and his brothers will tease him

he really loves being around you and having you by his side

you also helped him become calmer, that pony and soda have their own problems and darry yelling at them probably just makes them scared

he starts to actually communicate with them and you’ll give him gifts for completing or succeeding because why not

he’s always like “hon, you didn’t have to get me this…” but you can see he’s happy with whatever you give him

he just loves you so much and his brothers love you too but obviously not romantically

SODAPOP CURTIS

people actually think the both of you are socs, i mean they’re half right

they think soda is a soc since he’s so handsome and think you’re a soc because of your mannerisms and how you’re very beautiful

you’ll always visit him at the DX just to hang out with him

your parents love him and how he treats you so they also let him stay over at your house

sometimes when it’s sodas turn to get groceries from the store, you’ll go along with him

he just wants to be around you whenever he can

you’ll offer to pay for the groceries plus stuff he doesn’t need but instead wants

once he got a pimple and he freaked the fuck out

you bought him some cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen and pimple patches

you taught him how to use them and when, and in which order to use them in

his pimple went away in a few days

since you’re so smart and get good grades, you’ll help pony with his homework sometimes

soda will stare at you helping him from far away, he thinks it’s adorable that you two are bonding

when the two of you are in your room, you’ll play frank sinatra and the little dippers while having a home-date with sweets :3

you two have so much fun and he even opens up to you about his problems

you offer to get him a therapist but he says it’s that bad, you tell him to talk to you if he wants to talk about it again

he legit treats you like a princess and you love it

yall are the most attractive couple EVER no one can tell if they wanna be you or be with you

DALLAS WINSTON

when he realized he liked you he knew he had to protect you with his life

he needed a break from loud and annoying girls, then he found you

you could get quiet at times and you weren’t constantly screaming and acting like an annoying 12 year old boy

you got him to steal less since you could pay for things on your own

he didn’t really listen and still stole money from other people so he could get you things

whenever he got put in prison you could always bail him out due to the money you have

if he had to serve time then you’d give him money so he could spend it and get necessities

you’ll also make diy crafts for him on your guys anniversary and his birthday

he brings you to meetups with the gang, and they love you being there with him

you spoil him rotten and he loves it

makes him feel like a princess, weirdly enough

he’ll steal money to spoil you too, pays for your nails sometimes

you told him you wanted specific flowers once and he got you flowers sometime the next week, he acted nonchalant about it but he loved the happy look on your face

TWO-BIT MATTHEWS

sometimes you’re quiet but he always finds a way to bring you to tears after laughing so hard

he’s literally the funniest person you’ve ever met

he never really expected a soc to get so loud since they were normally reserved and didn’t talk to many people

anyway you brought him to fucking disneyland once and he LOVED it

you booked a hotel and everything so yall saw mickey mouse

two-bit kinda laughed at him but he seemed happy so he didn’t care

he loves traveling with you and brags about it to the gang all the time

they say it’s cool then act like they don’t care but they’re kinda jealous he gets all that stuff

they’re happy for him though

sometimes you’ll get him little mickey figurines and he’ll put them on his nightstand, sometimes even carry it with him if it’s a keychain

he never would’ve expected a soc to be so nice to someone like him

he’s really glad that you love him and you show it

STEVE RANDLE

before you two started dating he tried to avoid you at all costs

he kinda thought you’d beat up him and his friends so he just stayed away from you

anyway when you guys started dating you’d drive him to the DX

you’d give him tips just for fun even if you didn’t buy anything from him

you’d buy him all sorts of little trinkets and such just so he’d have something to mess around with

i don’t have a lot of knowledge on him bro pls bear with me LMAO

he’s almost always with soda so you kind of became his best friend naturally

you’ll buy steve food on his breaks and drive him to restaurants or fast food places and you’ll eat on a bench or in a field together

you talk about some shit that happened at work while he listens

he’ll occasionally get you some food since he knows you like sweets

then you repay him with something he’s wanted for a while that he’s been asking for

whether it’s a book or food or a trinket idk

he loves you so much and is glad soda gets along with you so well

sorry this one’s shorter! i’ll try to make the preference longer next time. i’m gonna try to post at least twice per week but if im feeling good ill try to post more 💗 thank you for reading!

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ghulehthezombiequeen · 10 months

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Let you break my heart again - Anakin x Jedi reader

masterlist.

Author’s note: hi. so uh. yeah I got a little silly and decided to write angst again. and wrote more than I was aiming for but that’s okay LMAO— Also omg THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE ON MY SWISS FIC?? you’re the best <3 Other things to note: Revenge of the Sith era Anakin but Anakin and Padmé aren’t married (they’re courting/dating), reader is a Jedi and has had a crush on Anakin since like the beginning of time /j, reader is majorly jealous of Padmé

Warnings: ANGST, unrequited love, hurt/comfort, Anakin uses a derogatory word for droids, no pronouns used for reader

Word count: 2114 words

Propped against a wall, you saw Anakin enter the Jedi temple, looking a bit disheveled. But you knew he had just returned from a mission with Obi-Wan, so maybe it went terribly wrong, maybe it went really well.

You attempted to approach him, but Padmé had already beat you to it, like she always did. You felt a pang in your heart as you saw him hug her, longing to be in her place. Sadly, you knew it would never happen, with the looks they’d exchange with each other when they thought no one was watching. But you were. Finally, after what had seemed like forever, Padmé left to do her duties. You took this opportunity and rushed to him, your heart skipping a beat. “Hey.. how did it go?” You asked with a soft smile. Anakin nodded at you, then sighed. “Fine, I guess.. We didn’t really do much, just killed a bunch of clankers.” You caught yourself before making a face at him for using the derogatory word for droids; but you understood why he chose that word.

“Well.. I mean, at least it was.. good practice?” You giggled a bit, trying to cheer him up.

Anakin forced a light chuckle. “Yeah..” He said, looking off to the side, his mind somewhere else. You gave him a soft look. “Hey.. everything okay over there?” You asked kindly, your heart skipping a beat as he looked back at you. “No.. not really…” he admitted with a sigh. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but couldn’t find the right words. “..thanks for asking, though.” He added sincerely.

You furrowed your brows and studied his expression. “Hey, uh… do you want to go somewhere else and talk about it, perhaps?” You offered.

He thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “Yeah, I could use… someone to talk to...”

“Alright, then. Wanna head to the library? It’s usually deserted at this hour..” You smiled at him, and Anakin perked up a little at the mention of it. “Yeah, actually… that’d be great.. there’s some new data I’ve been meaning to catch up on as well.”

You two slowly made your way to the library, finding a table in the very back. Anakin sat down on one of the old worn out chairs, staring into the oblivion. “I feel… different..” He mumbled, almost to himself. “What’s wrong?” You sat down next to him, tilting your head and studying his expression. You waited a few seconds before speaking up. “..is it about Padmé?” You question.

Anakin nodded. It was hard to explain, but he felt something. Something that both terrified him and excited him.

“How did you know?” Anakin asked. “Ahah.. lucky guess?” You smiled, then giving him a sympathetic look. “..is she okay? Are you two okay?”

Anakin sighed. "Yeah... I think we are." He put his head down, leaning his arms on the table.

“She's so beautiful…” Anakin whispered. “And she's smart.. And... caring... and... wonderful…” Anakin trailed off, unknowingly breaking your heart with every word. “…You love her a lot… don’t you? Well, I bet my lightsaber she loves you a lot as well.” You tried to smile through the pain, asking the very question that could possibly break you, but you had to know.

Anakin looked up at you, a look of uncertainty on this face. “No, it's not that. I love her… it's just... It’s hard to describe.” Anakin said.

“But.. sometimes, I just feel like... I don't need this.” He looked away from you.

“This… this whole Jedi… thing. I don’t know if I want to be a Jedi anymore.” Anakin whispered, his words dripping with emotion. “I want something different.” He said hesitantly, looking back at you.

“…I see. What is it you want, exactly?” You whispered curiously. Anakin seemed to think for awhile.

“I don't want the Jedi Order, that's for sure.” Anakin said.

“I want freedom. I want... something... more. Something..." He trailed off.

“I want to be happy.” Anakin finally said, almost as if it was a confession. “But I'm... afraid.”

You nodded in understanding. You want freedom too, but not in the same way; you wanted to just be free from this unrequited love, to be free from this constant heartbreak…

“…why are you afraid?” You asked him softly.

Anakin stared at the table in front of him. “I don’t know, it’s just… if I let go of this… this Jedi thing…” He said, the word ‘Jedi’ having a slight hint of hatred in it. “..I’m not sure if I can become anything else. But at the same time… I don’t want this.” He continued, looking like he was on the verge of tears.

You nodded. “I understand. I really do..”

You so desperately wanted to reach out and hold Anakin's hand, to comfort him and tell him that everything will be okay as long as they have each other. But you couldn't. You weren’t Padmé.

“…I feel like I'm going insane…” Anakin whispered, his voice quiet and strained. He felt ashamed, but also somewhat relieved that he finally let it out.

“Sometimes I even think... I even thought…” Anakin trailed off.

“Never mind.” He said with a sigh.

“Wait, no.. you can tell me.. I promise I won’t tell anyone..” You reassured him.

He looked back up at you. “Sometimes… I have these… thoughts.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What kind of thoughts?” You asked gently.

“…Dark thoughts. Violent thoughts. Thoughts that could.. that could get me expelled from the Jedi Order.” Anakin finished, his voice strained. He looked at the table, and you did too. “…I see.” You finally reply, looking back up at him in sympathy. “…do you think it’ll affect you soon? Like…. You’re almost at your breaking point?”

Anakin took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know…” he answered.

“I don’t know what I’m capable of..” He continued, his voice starting to shake. You notice him slowly, hesitantly reach his hand over the table and rest it on yours, his fingers trembling.

You stared at your hand for a moment, then back at Anakin, feeling the pang in your heart again. Oh, if only he knew the pain he’d just caused… “Hey.. it’s okay, you’re strong… I know you can get through this. I know it.” You whispered to him, giving him a soft smile.

Anakin leaned his head against the table, keeping his eyes shut. “Can you… can you do me a favor..?” He asked quietly.

“Anything. Yeah.” You whispered immediately, ready to give your life for Anakin in a heartbeat if you were asked to do so.

Anakin sighed. “Can... can you promise to stick with me? No matter what? Like a Jedi and his Padawan?”

Anakin looked up at you. "Can... can you do that for me?" He asked. He looked like he was begging you for help.

You nodded. “Of course.. I’ll always be on your side, no matter what. I’ll always be here for you.” You whisper with a smile. Anakin looked up at you, tears starting to form in his eyes. “Thank you…” he whispered.

A moment later Anakin embraced you in a tight hug, a feeling of relief washing over him.

You tensed slightly, a blush forming on your face. The pang in your heart hit harder again, and you knew that this moment would haunt you forever.

Nevertheless, you placed a hand gently on Anakin’s chest and wrapped your other arm around his waist, hugging him tighter. “Shh… don’t cry..” You whispered, hating to see him in pain even though you were probably hurting even more than he was.

Anakin's words were muffled as he buried his head into your shoulder. It had been so long since someone had embraced him in a welcoming way.

“I’m… I'm scared…” Anakin whispered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

You were the only thing grounding him to reality.

“Hey, it’s okay… you’ll be okay.” You whispered reassuringly, rubbing Anakin’s back soothingly. The longer the two of you hugged, the more it hurt you. But you couldn’t understand it. Why were you feeling so much pain when he was showing you affection? Isn’t this what you wanted?

Anakin lifted his head from your shoulder, looking back at you. He could feel his breath catching in his throat as he gazed into your eyes. Before he could even think, Anakin leaned in and softly kissed your lips. You could feel your cheeks get redder as he kissed you. Was this even real? You didn’t care; this was the happiest you’d ever been, almost as if you were in a trance. You kissed him back without hesitation, but then as quickly as the moment came, it was over; Anakin pulled away. Your eyes widened in realization as you snapped back into reality. Anakin seemed shocked as well, surprised by what he just did. “I….” He whispered, unsure of what to say.

You looked at him in horror, thinking of what Padmé would do if she ever found out.

“I… I’m sorry, I.. oh, no…”

Not thinking straight, you quickly got up and ran away from the library, tears starting to blur your vision.

“W-Wait! Come back!” Anakin called your name as he got up from the table, running after you.

“J-Just leave me alone, Ani…” you pleaded as you covered your mouth with your hand, a sob escaping your lips.

Anakin kept following you as you both raced down the halls, your footsteps echoing. Eventually he caught up with you and grabbed him by the shoulders. “No.. No, I won’t. Let me help you.” He said firmly as he took your hand and held it. “Please… you’re hurting me more than you realize..” You stared at him, tears starting to fall down your cheeks now. You wanted to pull your hand away, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to do so.

“No, I want to be by your side. Through thick and thin,” Anakin said with a slight smile. “Padmé means a lot to me, but you... you are very special to me as well.”

You looked away from him, taking in shaky breaths as more tears fell down your cheeks and you wiped them away before looking at him again.

“Wait.. so… y-you don’t love Padmé?” You asked slowly.

Anakin went red. “What? No no... I do love Padmé.” Anakin said, his voice getting a bit higher than he intended. Was he lying?

“But... I also love... I mean... uh…” Anakin was fumbling with his words. He wanted to say 'I love you,' but he didn't want to scare you. Anakin wasn't sure what he should do. He was stuck.

“Anakin.. don’t play games with me right now.” You pleaded.

“Do you love me, or her?” You asked bluntly, tears still falling down your cheeks, your eyes turning puffy.

Anakin took a deep breath.

“I… I choose... you.” Anakin said, looking at you.

For the first time since you had known each other, Anakin looked completely honest. He wasn't lying about anything. He looked at you with eyes of complete adoration.

"I choose... you." Anakin repeated.

You looked down at the ground, his words registering in your brain. “H-How do I know… you’re not lying to me right now to make me feel better?”

Anakin took his fingers and lifted your gaze. “Look me in the eyes,” Anakin said, and you did.

“I’m not lying to you, and I never will.” He said with complete honesty.

“You mean more to me than anyone in the galaxy.” Anakin's voice softened. "You are more important to me than even Padmé,” Anakin said, looking you right in the eye.

You looked at Anakin with a desperate expression, shaking your head.

“Oh, Ani…” You whispered, and before you knew it, you’d placed your lips on his again, this time full of passion.

Anakin wrapped his arms around you and kissed you back just as passionately as tears formed in his eyes. “I love you.” He whispered.

Hearing those words from Anakin’s lips melted your heart, and you felt tears forming in your eyes again, but this time from pure joy.

“I love you too.. Oh, Ani.. I’ve waited so long to hear you say that..” You whispered back, kissing him again.

Anakin kissed back, not wanting the moment to end. He embraced you as if you were the only thing holding him together.

It was like a fairytale come true.

Anakin finally felt happy. Really happy. He had you to thank for it, as well as his own courage to take a chance.

And now, you were finally with the one you loved.

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lecsainz · 1 year

Text

winning hearts

pairings: charles leclerc x driver!reader

warnings: mentions of rumors, charles driving for alfa romeo and then signing a contract with ferrari , an unforgettable podium celebration and secret relationship.

authors note: i loved writing this so much! my initial idea was to write something inspired one taylor's song, but i ended up doing something completely different. anyway, this is probably my favorite story.

word count: 1.7k

Charles Leclerc had just begun his career in formula 1, driving for Alfa Romeo. He had always dreamed of racing for Ferrari, but he knew he had to work hard and prove himself on the track first. That's when he met Y/N, a new driver who had just joined in the grid.

Y/N was determined to make a name for herself in the world of racing. She had a natural talent behind the wheel, and Charles was immediately drawn to her. As they got to know each other, they realized they had a lot in common - their love for the sport, their drive to succeed, and their dream of racing for a top team in formula 1.

One day, Charles and Y/N were talking in the paddock before a race, when Charles couldn't help but express his desire to drive for Ferrari. "I know I still have a lot to prove, but racing for Ferrari has always been my dream. I want to be the one to bring them back to the top." he said.

Y/N nodded in understanding. "I know how you feel. It's my dream too. But we have to focus on the present and do our best now. The future will come in due time." she said.

Charles smiled, feeling grateful for her support. "You're right. I need to focus on Alfa Romeo and trust that my hard work will pay off in the end."

As the season went on, Charles and Y/N continued to impress on the track. Their rivalry became friendly competition and they pushed each other to be better drivers. They also grew closer off the track, spending time together during their downtime.

One day, after a particularly grueling race, Charles and Y/N found themselves alone in the paddock. The adrenaline was still pumping through their veins as they talked about the race. And then, in a moment of courage, Charles leaned in and kissed Y/N.

They both pulled away, looking at each other with surprise and uncertainty. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Charles said, feeling embarrassed.

But Y/N placed a hand on his arm. "It's okay. I felt it too." she said, smiling.

Charles felt a rush of relief and excitement at her words. He had never felt a connection like this before, and he couldn't deny the attraction he felt towards her. "Really?" he asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice.

Y/N nodded. "Yeah. But we should probably keep it between us for now." she said, looking at him seriously.

Charles knew she was right. They were both young and starting out in the competitive world of music and fashion. They couldn't afford any distractions or controversies that could affect their chances of making it big in their respective industries. "You're right. We need to keep this between us for now." he said, understanding the importance of privacy.

Y/N smiled, relieved that he felt the same way. "Exactly. We don't want any unnecessary drama or attention." she said, nodding in agreement.

They spent the rest of the night talking and getting to know each other better. Charles found that he was drawn to Y/N's intelligence, wit, and determination. She had a passion for racing that matched his own, and he admired her drive to succeed in a male-dominated sport.

Over the next few weeks, they continued to work hard on their careers while also finding time to spend together. They continued to keep their relationship private, they found comfort in the small moments they shared together - stolen kisses in the garage, secret dates in exotic locations, and late-night phone calls just to hear each other's voices. Charles felt like he had found his soulmate in Y/N, and he couldn't imagine his life without her.

But their relationship was not without its challenges. As they gained more attention in the racing world, they faced scrutiny from the media and their teams. Rumors began to circulate about their relationship, and some people even questioned whether they could handle the pressures of racing while also being in a romantic relationship.

Charles and Y/N tried to ignore the rumors and focus on their work, but it wasn't easy. They both felt the pressure of trying to prove themselves as drivers while also trying to maintain a healthy relationship. With the constant traveling and racing schedules, they often struggled to find time for each other. And as their careers continued to skyrocket, the pressure to maintain their privacy only grew stronger. It was a balancing act that required patience, communication, and trust.

Despite these challenges, Charles and Y/N continued to support each other and chase their dreams. And in the end, their hard work paid off. Charles was offered a contract with Ferrari, and Y/N was signed to a top team as well.

As they stood on the podium, holding their trophies and basking in the glory of their success, Charles leaned over and whispered in Y/N's ear, "I couldn't have done this without you."

Y/N smiled, feeling her heart swell with love for the man standing beside her. "And I couldn't have done it without you." she replied, knowing that their love had helped them both achieve their dreams.

As they walked off the podium, arm in arm, the cameras flashed and the media buzzed with rumors about the nature of their relationship. Speculation had been building for months about whether Charles and Y/N were more than just teammates, and their display of affection on the podium only fueled the fire.

The next day, headlines across the sports world read "Are Charles Leclerc and Y/N Y/L/N more than just friends?" and "Romance on the track: Leclerc and Y/L/N's relationship heats up." Fans and commentators alike weighed in, with some speculating that their relationship could hurt their performance on the track, while others cheered them on, hoping to see their love blossom even further.

Charles and Y/N tried to brush off the rumors, focusing instead on their upcoming races and training sessions. But as they spent more and more time together, both on and off the track, it became harder to keep their feelings hidden from the public eye.

The media frenzy that followed was intense, but Charles and Y/N stood strong, supporting each other through every step of the way. And as they continued to win races and make history on the track, their love only grew stronger, proving that nothing could stand in the way of their passion for each other and their shared love of racing.

The anticipation was palpable as the engines came to life, ready to face the winding curves and high-speed straights of the race track. The fans packed the stands, waving flags and cheering for their favorite drivers. Among them were Charles Leclerc and Y/N, two rising stars in the world of motorsport.

As they made their way to their cars, their eyes met and they exchanged a small smile. They both knew the stakes were high, and that this race could make or break their season. But they were determined to give it their all, pushing themselves and their machines to the limit.

With a final wave to the crowd, they donned their helmets and revved their engines, ready to take on the challenge ahead. The starting lights blinked to life, and the race was on.

As the checkered flag waved and the roar of the crowd filled the air, commentators couldn't help but marvel at the incredible performance of Charles Leclerc and Y/N, who had once again shown their skill and dedication on the track.

"Leclerc and Y/N are an unstoppable duo!" one commentator exclaimed. "They work so well together, it's like they can read each other's minds out there on the track."

"And just look at their teamwork in action," another commentator chimed in as they watched a replay of a particularly impressive pass. "It's clear that they have a special connection both on and off the track."

As they stood on the podium, champagne spraying and crowds cheering, Charles couldn't contain his emotions any longer. Grabbing Y/N by the waist, he lifted her up and kissed her passionately, the cameras capturing the moment for all the world to see.

"Wow, what a moment!" a commentator exclaimed. "Charles Leclerc and Y/N Y/L/N, not just a winning team, but a winning couple!"

"And what a way to celebrate a victory," another added. "I don't think anyone will forget this podium celebration anytime soon."

Amidst the excitement and the noise, Charles and Y/N shared a quiet moment, gazing into each other's eyes and knowing that they were meant to be together, both on and off the track.

Y/N spoke to the journalists first, her heart still racing from the surprise kiss on the podium. "I'm thrilled with the result today." she said, trying to keep her composure. "Charles and I make a great team, and I'm so proud of what we've achieved together."

The journalists couldn't help but ask about the kiss, and Y/N couldn't help but blush. "Well, I guess you could say that was a spontaneous celebration of our win." she said, trying to play it cool.

Charles joined them shortly after, still grinning from ear to ear. "I couldn't resist kissing the most beautiful and talented driver on the grid." he said, earning a round of laughter from the journalists.

"You're incorrigible." Y/N teased, playfully pushing him.

"I know, but you love it." Charles said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

As they walked away from the press, Y/N couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement and happiness. She and Charles had decided to take their relationship public, and the response had been overwhelmingly positive. They were both fiercely committed to their careers, but they also knew that they wanted to be together, no matter what the future held.

Charles leaned in for another kiss, and Y/N melted into his arms. And as they continued to win races and make history on the track, their love only grew stronger, proving that nothing could stand in the way of their passion for each other and their shared love of racing.

#f1 fic #f1 fics #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #formula 1 x reader #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc f1 #f1 x oc #f1 x female driver #f1 x you

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spockandawe · 1 year

Text

Here's a big project I've been sitting on! All That You Love Will Be Carried Away, by our very own @ceruleancynic! And a box, naturally, building boxes for books continues to bring me immense joy.

What we have here is not just the main fic, or the main series, but also All That You Love (The High Hope Remix) alt pov short fic by byzantienne, and, a detail that I was really excited to include: the initial comment exchange between these two fantastic authors of m the first fic in the series. Did I title that second little book 'all that you meet cute will be carried away' as a silly placeholder? Did I then get super attached and refuse to change it? Uh-

Hell yeah, I refuse to be dignified about any of my favorite hobbies!

But the real secret delight here was that I've been looking for the right opportunity to get weird with boxes. Peller boxes, hinged slipcases, yes, fine, but those are like the box version of my sixfold book adventure. I'm still shooting for some parallel to my fourteenfold book, I'm looking for a way to go completely off the rails. I have some ideas, but it's hard, finding a good large chonk and a small number of equally sized texts, which made a unified and complete set, AND which excited me to work with. That might sound unnecessarily picky, but I swear, there was a good reason for it!

Oh baby. Oh baby.

This worked out so perfectly. I wanted a large book at the center of things. And I wanted two small books oriented in a different direction, placed end to end, at its edge. And I got it! I didn't want to commit too early, and it would have been heartbreaking to fail, but once the big book was together, and the preliminary typesets for the two little books were almost identical? I just HAD to try.

Tumblr is already silencing me and refusing to let me attach as many images as I want, so for this post, let's talk about the main book a little! Cute little quarto bricks are my new FAVORITE favorite thing, as I'm sure you can guess from my archives, and this one was a dream to put together.

It had to be a three-quarter leather binding, naturally. And I was sitting on some gorgeous iridescent maroon paper for endpapers (no photos in this set, it refuses to photograph well, as is the way of pretty iridescent things). I spent some time agonizing over my other material, and whether to use two different marbled patterns, but I went with it in the end. The vibes were distinct enough but the palettes overlapped enough that I really enjoyed the effect. And with the northcott art of marbling fabrics (my beloved) I was able to use lines of symmetry to get some nice fussy cuts for the big book and the little ones. All of the books have leather endbands, matching the spine. And the big book has the big thick faux raised bands I tried out with my last svsss! I don't have enough pictures to show off all the book interiors, but I used this cover plate for the series and main fics within it.

And then, like I showed you above, I put it all together. Marbled paper and silk moire for covering the box, a lot of very tense wrangling of glued-up paper in very small spaces, and, at one point, carefully lowering glue-covered pieces of moire bookcloth down these little pits (walls already covered) using that tab in the front like the world's awkwardest elevator shaft. But the EFFECT!

I'm very, very pleased with myself, and delighted to have delivered this book to its new home. I've been absolutely VIBRATING with a desire to share, so! I can't be contained by tumblr's image limit. Hold on for two seconds (approx.) and I'm going to reblog this post with some wip pictures and more detail about how I worked this thing out and assembled this box and modified my initial design on the fly

#crafts #bookbinding #ceruleancynic #all that you love will be carried away #box making #did i manage to photograph the main book with the foil all reflecting in decent light so it shows up properly?#please dont expect too much of me i get overexcited when i can see the finish line 😂

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cowgurrrl · 3 months

Note

Ok I have fluff angst idea…Charlie is pregnant and freaking out about telling Joel because she is kinda young. And Joel is mad, scared, excited , crying and also grandpa Joel?!

Hello why did this make me tear up

April, Come She Will

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: it’s canon to me that reader and Joel live to be 100 and nothing bad ever happens to them ever again

Summary: The next generation of Millers find their way [3.6k]

Warnings: teen pregnancy (what’s new for this series lmao), arguing, language, call backs

Charlie's been acting weird for the past few weeks. She's been coming in and out of the house at strange times, not showing up for patrol, and giving you vague answers about where she's been. She's nineteen now, so she doesn't necessarily need you and Joel breathing down her neck all the time, but you still like to know where your kid is. She tells you she's been with Ellie or her boyfriend, Eric, which is fine. You like Eric. You just wish she would spend a little more time at home.

Charlie and Eric met on patrol. No matter how much you tried to dissuade her from joining the patrol team, she wouldn't listen. She had watched you guys go out and defend Jackson as she grew up and even talked to Ellie about her adventures outside the walls. She knew how to ride a horse, and Joel taught her how to handle a gun. The intention was never to "train" her for patrol but to be prepared in a worst-case situation where she needed to protect herself but the second she was old enough, she signed up. She got paired with Eric, a sweet boy her age she went to school with, for her first patrol, and that was it. They've been together ever since.

Joel was hesitant when they started dating, but you reminded him she was an adult and could make her own decisions. Eric was somehow more hesitant when Charlie invited him over for a family dinner. Eric grew up hearing stories about your family, and his dad occasionally worked patrol with Joel, but knowing him by proxy is much different than sitting across from him at the dinner table. Joel promised to be on his best behavior, but poor Eric was terrified any time Joel asked him a question. Since then, they've gotten a little closer, but they are by no means buddies. You're a little nicer.

All this runs through your head when Eric trails behind Charlie into the house. It's a Saturday, and you and Joel are off patrol, sitting next to each other on the couch. You were supposed to go see Ellie and Dina, but they rescheduled for next weekend without much explanation as to why. JJ might've gotten in trouble. At seventeen, he has more of Ellie's wild personality than anything else. It's a little fun to watch her try to handle a younger version of herself.

"Hey, can we talk?" Charlie asks, a slight tremble in her voice. You look up from your book, and Joel leans forward to drop his wood carving knife on the coffee table. She and Eric sit across from you, her leg bouncing anxiously when she does, and you glance between them. You're a little confused as to why Eric has to be here for this, but she's clinging to his hand so hard you almost worry she's gonna break it. Worry claws at the back of your throat, but you swallow it down. Whatever it is, you can handle it.

"Sure, bug," you say. "What's up?"

"Um, so there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to get some things squared away before I did because I didn't want you guys to freak out or anything. I understand this is a really big deal, but it's under control, and we have a plan." She explains rapidly, and Joel chuckles as he removes his glasses to rub at his eye.

"You ain't pregnant, are you?" He asks, and Charlie is silent. That's when you feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Your mouth goes dry, and you sit up, staring at her like you're waiting for her to say she's joking. "Charlotte," Joel says, his tone even and scarily calm. "You're not. Right?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she says, tears shining in her eyes. "But we… we have a plan. We're gonna get set up in a house, and Ellie's gonna lend us some of JJ's old things, and we're gonna pick up some more shifts before the baby comes. It's all gonna be okay."

You can't help but feel like you set her up for failure, not only with your own teen pregnancy but with your inability to keep her safe. In the old days, you might've been able to put her on birth control or give her condoms when she started dating, but those things aren't on the top of the list for what little FEDRA manufacturing is left. The best "safe sex" talk you could have with her is letting her know her options if she did get pregnant or sick. You hated it, but there wasn't much else you could do. And now look where you are.

"Mom, can you please say something?" Charlie begs as Eric rubs her back. You thought you'd be prepared for something like this with your and Joel's (and Ellie's) family life starting earlier than most. Instead, you find yourself, possibly for the first time ever, sympathizing with your mother. You pull yourself together enough to open your mouth.

"You wanna have this baby?" You ask, and she nods.

"We already decided. We're not gonna get married or anything yet, but yeah, we want this baby," she says. Eric doesn't say anything. You figure that's probably smart. It's only a matter of time before Joel freaks the fuck out about the fact that he got your baby girl pregnant. "That's why I went to Ellie's the other day. I was talking to her, Aunt Dina, and Uncle Jesse about when they had Jay." She says. You try not to be offended that she told Ellie before she told you. You told lots of people before you told your mom you were pregnant. Still, you thought you and Charlie were closer than you and your mom were.

You look at Joel, the same panic and anger taking over his features, and take a deep breath. He grinds his teeth as he thinks, and you have to stop yourself from scolding him. When you look back at Charlie, her face is splotchy, and her brown eyes sparkle in the mid-afternoon light. She looks so grown up but so little at the same time. Your eyes slide from hers to Eric's wide ones.

"I'm assuming you know the stories about Jane and her dad?" You ask.

"Yes, ma'am." He croaks, and you nod.

"And I'm assuming you know how Joel and I got to Jackson in the first place?"

"Mom," Charlie starts, but you catch Joel shaking his head at her in your peripheral vision. Eric swallows thickly and nods.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good," you say. "If I ever hear anything about you not being there for Charlie or that baby, or if you even think about leaving them, I'll fucking kill you." You haven't had to speak this way in years, and it, obviously, rattles both Charlie and Eric. Good. You hope it does rattle him.

"Mom!" Charlie scolds, looking to Joel for help, but it's clear that he has your back with this one. You'll be damned if she ends up a single parent like you two were. She scoffs and stands, pulling Eric up with her. "You don't have to listen to this, Eric."

"Yes, he does." You say.

"Baby, what did you think we were gonna say?" Joel asks.

"That you'd support my decision or, at least, find a way to!"

"Of course, we support you. I just..." Joel trails off. "I just don't think you know what this means. How much this is gonna change your life. And I know you love each other, but havin' a baby ain't an easy thing."

"That's why we're doing it together," she says, her eyes moving from Joel's to yours. "That's why it's fucking crazy to talk to him like that. And unfair. You didn't act this way when Ellie had JJ."

"That's because we didn't need to have this same talk with them. Jesse and Dina had already decided to co-parent Jay. There was no way Dina was gonna be a single mom," you say. "But there were three of them, and it was still hard. You were just a baby when he was born, so you don't remember, but it was a lot."

"So, you don't think I can be a mom?" She asks, and you stand with your hands up in defeat.

"I didn't say that. I just want you to be prepared. I remember what it was like, and I-"

"Just because you were miserable when you had Jane doesn't mean everyone is." It's mean and calculated and hits you right where it hurts. It doesn't matter if it's the hormones or not. The sting of her words renders you silent.

"Don't you speak to your mother that way!" Joel yells. He never yells anymore, especially at Charlie. The scary boom in his voice fills the room, but you catch the glint of tears in his eyes as his breathing stutters. "This ain't just playin' house, Charlie. So, if your mama is a little worried, she's allowed to be. Shit, we're all allowed to lose our fuckin' minds for a minute, but that isn't an excuse to talk bout your family like that." He says, and she taps her shoe on the ground twice, a nervous tick she picked up from Joel.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I can't just sit here and listen to you threaten Eric like that," she says. You nod but don't apologize. You can't find anything to say. Charlie stares at you like she's waiting for you to lash out or yell at her, but you can't. She wipes a stray tear away furiously and turns away. "I need some air," she mumbles, dragging Eric out of the house before you can even protest. The door slams behind her, and the floorboards she took her first steps on shake with the force. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls you into him. He murmurs soft assurances into your hair, his voice cracking and tears spilling from his eyes as he does, and all you can do is let him hold you.

What the fuck else are you supposed to do?

You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the bathroom door in the hall slamming open. You and Joel jolt upright in bed at the sudden sound (old habits die hard, right?), and you sigh as you rub your eyes. You check the alarm clock next to your bed for the time and see it's close to three. The dark mountain town is still asleep outside your window, and you grab a soft flannel from the floor to pull over your shoulders.

You don't remember falling asleep. You were up, waiting for Charlie to come home so you could talk further, but when the front door opened and closed, and she basically sprinted to her room, you couldn't find the energy for another fight. But when you laid down, you couldn't sleep either, your conversation from earlier playing on a loop in your mind. You and Joel just sat there in silence, staring up at the ceiling until your eyelids got too heavy, and you fell into a dreamless sleep. You couldn't have been asleep for over an hour or two when the bathroom door swung open. Joel looks at you, confused when you stand.

"What are you doin'?" He asks, and you wave him off.

"I know why she's up. Just go back to bed." You say without much explanation before padding down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Your footsteps are loud enough on the tile for her to hear you, so she doesn't flinch when you suddenly pull her hair away from her face and hold it out of the way. She glances at you and softens a little before retching into the toilet again. She does that for another minute or two before her stomach is finally empty, and you can safely let go of her hair. She sighs and leans against the wall as you flush the toilet and hand her a towel. You settle across from her, your back pressed against the sink, and rub her leg as she wipes her face.

"Thanks," she mumbles as she tips her head back against the wall. She looks tired and weak. All you want to do is scoop her up in your arms like she's three years old again. "I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry. That's my genetics. I was super sick with you and Jane." Her name rolls off your tongue so fast you almost forget the last time it was invoked. The air stiffens between you, and she shifts uncomfortably.

"How long were you sick for?" She asks softly. You sigh as you track your memory back and try to remember the exact details.

"About six months," you admit, and she groans. You laugh a little at her reaction, but only because you know how frustrating it is. If you could take it from her, you would. When you settle, she stares at you guiltily and starts picking at the nail bed around her thumb like she can't stand the silence. "Where did you guys go?" you ask to put her out of her misery.

"I just… needed to get out of the house. We walked around town for a while before going to his parent's house," she says. "They still don't know. We wanted to tell y'all first." You nod, unable to give words to your gratitude just yet, and she swallows thickly.

"You could've stayed," you whisper. "I wanted you to stay."

"I know," she says. "I'm sorry. For everything." She looks like she could start crying again, so you take a deep breath, scoot over to her, wrap her in your arms, and kiss her temple. You feel her relax into you, and a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

"You know your dad and I worry about you. It's not about you not being capable or not smart enough because you are plenty capable and smart. But we also know that it doesn't matter how prepared you think you are. There's nothing that can prepare you for being a parent, and that's not me trying to scare you. It's just how it is." You explain, and she nods into your neck.

"That's what Ellie said, too." She says.

"Smart kid."

"I feel like I fucked up," she pivots dramatically, but you hold on tightly and wait for her to continue. I'm right here with you, baby girl, you think. "I want to be happy because Eric seems happy, and you're supposed to be happy when you find out you're pregnant, but I'm so fucking scared." She sounds like she's on the brink of tears again, and you shush her. She sighs heavily and wipes at her face as she leans back enough to see you. "Were you scared when you found out you were pregnant?"

"Both times, I was fucking terrified. With you, it came later, though. Even though your dad and I talked about having another kid and how amazing you'd end up being, I remember going into labor and shaking cause of how scared I was." You say, and she nods.

"How did you... know you were supposed to be a mom? She asks. It's a loaded question. How does anyone ever know they're "supposed" to be a parent? You certainly didn't think you were meant for anything that important at sixteen, but you do remember why you made the decision you did.

"I, um…" you trail off, laughing. "I started having these dreams after I found out I was pregnant."

"Dreams?"

"It was pretty much the same thing over and over again for a few months. I would be going through my regular routine, but this… baby was following me around. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but I knew it was my baby. And it came with me to school, the grocery store, work, everything, and as time passed in my dream, the bigger the baby got. They'd get more personality or start laughing, or their eyes would change colors, and I'd be so in love with them," You know you sound crazy, but that's because it was crazy. "The first few times, I woke up crying because the baby from my dreams wasn't there. I thought there was nothing worse than waking up in the morning and not having my kid there," you say. The weight of your words catches up with you, and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from crying. "And I was right." You shake your head and take a deep breath, hyper-aware of her eyes on you.

"I had the same dreams when I got pregnant with you, except they were a little different. In all of them, you were always with Ellie and Dad— every single time. I thought you were gonna grow up and not like me as much or whatever other reason my hormones gave me for the change, but, towards the end, you started showing up alone. You were just this little light. I can't describe it exactly, but everything I did in the dream was a little more magical because you were there. Things were shiny or glittery, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle," you say, smiling at the memory. You grab her hand and squeeze hard, looking directly into her eyes and fighting more tears. "You turned my world technicolor even before you were born, and I knew I would always do everything I could to protect you. That's why I was so hard on Eric. I know he's a good kid and nothing like Jane's dad was, but I don't want you to end up like me, kid." Charlie squeezes your hand, somehow harder than you squeeze her, and a familiar crease appears between her eyebrows.

"Mommy, if I'm half the woman you are, I'd be so fucking happy. Are you kidding me?" She says.

"Charlotte-"

"I'm serious," she cuts you off, Joel's commanding yet gentle tone seeping into her voice. "Mom, you made my lunch until I was in high school, and even when I asked you to stop, you still had one ready to go just in case I needed it. You used to take JJ and me to the park so Ellie and Aunt Dina could get some sleep, even though everyone knew that meant you didn't get any. You convinced Dad to talk to Eric because you knew I loved him and wanted him to like him..." She slows down a little bit, scanning your face before she continues. "You kept a kid alive during the Outbreak despite everything. You still buy her flowers on her birthday. You tell me about her. You let me know her," you take a shaky breath, and you can't stop the tears anymore. "You're a good mom, and I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm sorry for what I said and for getting pregnant and-"

This time, you stop her by hugging her tight and letting yourself cry. She gets emotional, too, and a very unlucky Joel finds the two of you crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. Like everything, he takes it in stride and joins you two on the floor until the sun breaches over the mountains and a new day shines down.

It's hard to say things got easier after that day. Eric's parents didn't react very positively at first, and it took them most of her pregnancy to come around. Charlie goes through weeks of sickness and bed rest. They argue a lot about the future and what it should look like, but they get there in the end. The next year, the house is filled with a familiar chatter and chaos. Charlie and Eric's twins (which explains why she felt so bad), Elliot "Ellie" Beth, and April Theresa Miller-Donovan, squeal as Joel takes turns dancing with them in the living room.

Elliot is, obviously, named in honor of your Ellie, but she bears Sarah's middle name. April threw you for a loop. The twins were born in snowy January, confusing you as to why they would name her that and not January, but Charlie smiled as she handed April to you. "Jane's birthday is April 7th. I didn't want to steal your name, but I remember you taking me to the meadow to pick flowers for her. April 7th was always my favorite day." She explained, making you choke up. When she told you April's middle name, you and Joel completely lost it. Theresa, for your Tess, the woman who believed so much in Ellie, she forced you to believe in her, too. The woman who saved your life in more ways than one. The woman who would've absolutely adored Charlie if she ever met her.

You love being grandparents again— admittedly, a little older than you were the first time around. Joel teaches the girls Spanish words and lets them pull on his beard. You make extra food so your baby has something to eat after the long days and nights of keeping them alive, and you play silly games with them. They don't look like you or Joel or even Charlie or Eric. They look like their own little people. People who will never know the loss, destruction, and nights spent staring hopelessly at walls you went through. People who will grow up safe and loved and cared for. People who carry names they won't be able to put a face to.

That's okay. They don't need to know about the people you were before you were their grandparents, and maybe it's time for you to try to let that time go. Maybe, in your and Joel's old age, with the deep wrinkles and graying hair, you can just be. Maybe you can just dance in the living room and make warm blankets and fall asleep holding hands. Maybe everything does turn out okay.

#look for the light #thank you for the gorgeous request!!#joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller fic #dad!joel miller #the last of us fic #the last of us au #tlou au #joel the last of us #the last of us #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal characters

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