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romanreignseater · 1 year

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Mr. WrestleMania

Roman Reigns x Reader

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut, smut and more smut. A little honorable mention fluff; but very brief

“After a flawless victory at his 3rd Main Event at WrestleMania, your Tribal Chief deserved three special treats.”

A/N: Had to write this in honor of our Tribal Chief retaining last night, I was real nervous, and was even setting myself up for failure. But, I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN 😭!!

GIF: @doinggreat

“Acknowledge me.” His wispy voice brought chills to your body.

“Cut! Great job baby.”

“Thank you babe, don’t forget to post that.”

Here he was, your husband, Roman Reigns. Still reigning supreme and he’s just getting started.

Whether or not people are upset Roman won, you’ll always and forever be proud of him.

Kudos to the white knight, but it wasn’t his time. “You already know how I do mama.” His hands grip your waist and a chaste kiss was placed upon your lips. Your smile as bright as ever and his eyes lighting up at your beauty.

“My Tribal Chief?” The voice of the wiseman interrupted your serene moment with your man. “Yes wiseman?”

“The Escalade is ready for you and Y/N to take you back to the hotel.” “Thanks wiseman! Now… vanish.” Your arms wrapped tightly around Roman’s right bicep. “Of course.” And with that, the wiseman was left scurrying.

“Why do you have to be so nasty to him?” Roman laughed as he witnessed you verbally abuse his special counsel. “I’m not nasty with him, but I wanna be nasty to you.” Your hands grip the neck of his shirt and your face centimeters away from his.

“Ohhh, that’s how you feel?!” Your Tribal Chief couldn’t contain his desire for your dominance.

“That’s exactly how I feel.” You said almost immediately.

His brow arched into a questioning look. “And exactly how are you gonna do that?!” A gasp slid passed your lips as he roughly pulled you in by your hips, so there was no space between you. His large hands quickly travelled down to your plump ass, which was waiting to be grasped.

His hands squeezed and released your supple cheeks as you looked him up in his eyes and bit your lip. “You haven’t answered me mama?!” Your eyes began searching his as his hands still worked their magic…

“You are an icon, you are a Hall of Famer, you are the one, and you ARE the Greatest. Of. All. Time, and that’s why you deserve to fuck my throat tonight.” Roman’s couldn’t contain his smile. By god, did he love a woman who can hype him on his accomplishments and speak so dirty to him at the same damn time.

“Reallyyyyy?! Anything else?” Your smile couldn’t contain itself either. “Why, of course there is. What kind of woman would I be if I didn’t give you a proper way to celebrate tonight’s victory?”

“So… Mrs. Reigns, in what other ways are you gonna treat me?!” Both of your smirks seemed to never falter from each others face. “Well Mr. WrestleMania… I know you love how much I taste, so I was planning for you eat my cunt with a little strawberries and whipped cream.”

Roman grunted at the thought of having you spread open with whipped cream sprawled all over your sweet cunt.

His voice became deeper and huskier, “What else?”

“What else?! Baby, you already know how I get down when I’m treating you.” You smiled.

You took care of Roman very well, at home, all over the world, and especially in the bedroom, or floor, or kitchen counter, or the living room couch. It doesn’t matter where, you knew how to please your man and make him feel like the king he already is.

You went on your tippy toes to reach his ear. “And I’m gonna ride that dick. All. The. Way. Back. Home.” You fell back on your feet to look him in his eyes and gauge his reaction. “Thanks.” His random vow of appreciation to you stumped your mind, you were confused as to what he was thanking you for.

“Ummm, for what baby?!”

“For being here for me throughout this entire journey, being by my side, and uplifting me all the way.” He walked away from you and towards the chair where his belts laid.

“This is for you, and all the work you do. And before I beat the brakes off that pussy up in that hotel room tonight, I just needed to let you know how much you mean to me and you’ve made me into the man I am today. Without no Y/N, there would be no Roman Reigns or Joe Anoa’i, and I wouldn’t be operating at this level without you, so thanks mama.”

Your eyes became misty thinking about how far he’s come and the absolute success and power he has earned. “You’re welcome baby, I really appreciate that!”

You both smiled at one another, but his faded quickly. He stepped up to as you back away, you backed away so far you hit the wall.

“I meant what I said when I’m gonna beat the brakes off of my pussy.” You gulped what felt like your last breath. As he left you breathless, he grabbed bag for you and headed toward the door.

“Shall we, my queen?”

You looked as his inviting bent arm, and nodded.

~~~~

Later on, you both arrived at the hotel after a long, hot, and steamy make out session in the back of the Escalade.

Thank god there was a curtain separating you guys from the driver.

On the 50th floor, you and your man took a shower together. Washing each others bodies, and groping one another.

But now, Roman’s ass was pressed against the bathroom counter, and you were on your knees.

You looked up at your Tribal Chief as you stroked his member and cupped his balls. “Couldn’t wait to get me up here, huh?!” Your smile couldn’t leave your face as you reminisce on the utter urgency you felt on pleasuring your man and rushing him up to the room. The elevator felt like it wasn’t going anywhere.

But soon, your smile faltered, your eyes darken, and your ministrations on his cock begin to quicken. His puffy, pink lips trapped between his pearly, white teeth as he watched you abused his cock.

Roman hissed as you roughly rubbed your thumb against his tip. “You like that daddy?!” Who am I kidding, I know you do.” Your voice set into a sultry tone wanting to seduce him as much as possible.

Your lips soon engulf the head of his dick and began suckling his sweet, fat tip. Roman’s eyes rolled to back of his head as he indulged in the savory feeling of you pleasuring him.

“Oh my god… do that shit baby girl, do that shiiitt.” His tongue passed over his top lip, and he placed his right hand on your head to fasten your movements.

You bobbed you head back and forth, as you knew the throat fucking was starting to begin.

You relaxed your throat, sat on your shins, and placed your hands on Roman’s thick thighs. Roman ceased his lean against bathroom counter and stood up straight.

“You ready baby?!” You sent for a go with a thumbs up. You felt dizzy as Roman’s huge hands were clasped against both sides of your head. Your tongue laid flat against the underside of his cock and your mouth agape.

Roman began pumping his cock in and out of your wet mouth tenderly. Your eyes hung low as you watched the sly expression on his face. “Watch my cock fuck your throat mama.” Already naked from taking a shower together, your pussy wet, and leaking onto the ground.

Your eyes transversed from his eyes to the tanned dick pumping in and out of your mouth. Roman’s left hand clamped the back of your head making a makeshift ponytail, and his right cupped underneath your chin. The inside of his thighs hit your cheeks as he brutally slammed his cock into your mouth.

You gagged, your saliva coating the entirety of his member. Your red painted nails pressed into his thighs as he held a stalemate in your throat. His eyes now set on your hands, waiting for the signal. But, your eyes deep and filled with lust, you let his cock stay still in your throat.

“F-uuuckkkk, you’re gonna let me stay in that throat baby?” Shit, he could live in there for all you care. Roman pulled his cock out of your mouth, and your hand rubbed your pussy. Collecting all of your essence, you then smear your juices all over his dick. His chest rising up and down as you sucked the head of his cock hard. He was quick to make you stand up, and pushed you towards the door.

You crawled on the bed sensually with your back arched, and your ass propped up. You quickly maneuvered to your back and spread your legs open. Your honey essence covering the expansion of your spread thighs.

“Fuckkkk, that pussy real wet for me huh?!” Your eyes shifted immediately to the strawberries and whipped room service left on the nightstand. Roman’s eyes followed and flew to the berries and cream. (I’m a little lad who loves berries and cream; I couldn’t help it 😭).

A plump, red strawberry was vastly put up against your lips. And as you opened your lips, you darted your tongue out to sensually grasp the sweet fruit. The juices burst into a flavorful explosion inside of your mouth. The whipped cream canister was shook by the Tribal Chief as he lowered his head to your cunt.

“I ain’t even have dinner yet baby, but I’m skipping straight to dessert.”

The noisy canister explodes whipped cream around your cunt, and a dollop on your clit. The can was throw across the room, and the menace immediately licked up the cream around your pussy. His tongue pointed out, scoped the cream on your clit; just narrowly hitting your sensitive spot.

His lips wrapped around his cunt ever so delightfully, and his abuse began. He lapped up your juices from your flowing center and sucked it up. “Mmmmmm.” Your lips pressed together as you revel in the pleasure. Roman continued his ministrations; continually lapping up your sweet nectar.

“Oh my god, don’t stop dadd-…” Just as you were mid sentence, Roman licked a bold stripe from your hole up to your heated clit. Your body shivered living in the sensation. “Who said I was gonna stop baby?!” His mouth enclosed your pussy as he spoke those words.

He kept licking and licking and licking your sensitive, pulsing clit. “Hol-yyyy shittt, right there, *grunt*, right FUCKING there!” Your legs quaked as your climax took over you. As you were catching your breath, the Tribal Chief stole it with a heavy kiss. The dizzy feeling in your head didn’t prolong when Roman soon dragged your legs to the edge of the bed.

He spread them all the way open, almost ready to dive in again. But, you stopped him.

“Baby… I told you I was gonna ride yo ass all the way back home, and I meant what I said.” His hands lifted up in surrender and marched his way to the middle of the large hotel bed.

Your thighs encased each side of his and you lowered yourself onto his cock. You both moaned as you ease his length into your throbbing cunt. “I’m gonna take you there baby.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Taking his words as a threat you began pounding onto your man’s lap, taking his dick real good. As you rode him, you made sure to squeeze his dick with your pussy to increase the pleasure and pressure. You pushed him to lay flat on the bed and kept your hands on his burly chest. You rode him faster and faster; his teeth clenched together enjoying the moment of ecstasy.

“Mmmmm, ride that fuckin’ dick mama.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and slammed yourself continuously on his member. Roman grabbed two handfuls of your ass and guided your rough fucking session. Your moans booming through the room and the wet slapping sounds clouded the air. Roman’s eyes hit the back of his head as he reached his high.

His cum filled up your entire pussy as you released as well. You got off of Roman and cuddled up to his side. “That was exactly what I needed after today.” You caressed his beard and stared at him lovingly. “It’s what you deserve.”

Your smiles heavy as you both drifted off to sleep in each others arms.

Then. Now. Forever. Together

THE END!!

MY TAG SQUAD: @cyberdejos2 @thesamoanqueen @alyanarossi @nayys-world @mzv11 @babybatlover @vogueyonce

#roman reigns #roman reigns oneshot #roman reigns smut #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns fanfic #roman reigns fic

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jinkookspencil · 1 year

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things bts would love & do with their curvy s.o.

a little long author’s note - fluff and suggestive and a little smutty / ot7 scenarios / a bit of a drabble, because i didn't say everything i wanted to and i don't think i said it as well. but i had this in the drafts for a while & i was feeling a bit self-conscious about my curves recently & had to remind myself of my own words and scenarios. here’s to self-love in 2023, everyone! and just because this fits with what i’m saying and the post - don’t wait for someone else or a man to love every single thing about you! you deserve all the love on your own and everyone reading this is a lovable beauty <3 this goes for your inner and outer selves - even this post is mainly focused on outer (& isn’t meant to stereotype at all! this post also has no mentions of food - unfortunately, many authors only associate curviness to food and include stuff like "cooking together" all the time.). i made it more nsfw than it was at the last minute because i really realized we don't have enough curvy girl content here! on that note if anyone has any curvy girl scenarios with bts or an ot7 members lis like this they want to see me write about lmk - requests are open in general but i love writing about & for my fellow curvy/chubby girls 💕 lots of love - pen ✎

namjoon

this is gonna sound a bit weird but I think namjoon would go crazy for

1. your silhouette - the CURVES WILL DRIVE HIM INSANE - he would literally write an entire song about being mesermized by your curves

2. your boobs - sskskssk sorry nothing will convince me namjoon is not a boob man. i know curvy doesn’t always = big boobs but it’s the combination of BOOBS and curves that’ll drive him nuts, no matter their size. having his hand roam your body while his head is stuffed between your boobs? his idea of heaven.

sorry, i think i had just read a namjoon smut when i wrote that

anyways, he’s obsessed

and namjoon being namjoon, he’ll be obsessed with unique features that come with being curvy

which are, again, curves, but also: stretch marks, cellulite, love handles, a muffin top, etc - he’ll be fascinated and guess what? he will find beautiful ways to describe them, and he’ll make you see them in a new light as well

this would be his response if you complained about “imperfections” and called them as such, for example: “you know what type of art I find the most beautiful? the ones with quote unquote imperfections. those imperfections - or the unique details, i should say, showed an artist, a human was behind the painting. how boring would it be if all art was the same? if all bodies were the same? our ‘details’ and differences make us who we are, make us different. ‘imperfection’ is perfection, honey. you, your body…. you’re a work of art.” (gonna end up writing a mini namjoon drabble with some of that)

seokjin

seokjin would love every. single. thing. about you.

like it or not i genuinely believe he’s the most likely out of bts to love a curvy girl and that they’re actually his type

you know how most guys see chubby girls as cute rather than hot? fuck that, to seokjin you’re incredibly hot AND incredibly cute.

he’d be utterly obsessed with every inch of your body… i’m serious.

butt? yes. waist? yes. hips? yes. thighs? yes. arms? yes. tummy? YES. cheeks? YES!

& a thing about seokjin is that he’s not just in love with you and your body, he’s clever. he knows that chubby girls can get a ton of shit. like he’ll be totally aware of that fact or it won’t take long for him to realize it. and it’ll make him mad

but mostly, he’ll keep his cool and be strategic about it

so something seokjin would love is hyping you up AND showing!! you!! OFF!!!!!!!!!!

though he’s not a fan of pda, when he’s out with you in public, he’ll show you off in his ways, like holding your hand, playing with your hands and hair... but he'll also have his arm around your waist, resting on your soft hips and he'll lovingly caress your cheek and pinch it and he’ll keep saying “my beautiful girlfriend / my fiancee / my wife” etc to literally anyone

someone's giving you weird looks? catch seokjin suddenly throw off the entire situation by yelling - just to no one - "MY GIRLFRIEND IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HER" - the looks would frustrate him but he'll enjoy hyping you up and seeing you all flustered when he does that

he’d handle your insecure days and “low days” really well, but i honestly think that you spend enough time with seokjin and you’ll end up loving your body as much as he does. he's without a doubt the type of boyfriend to make you feel as sexy as he sees you... well as sexy and beautiful as you actually are!!

anyways he’ll weirdly enjoy consoling you when you have those days though. he’ll be so so sensitive and understanding and clever as i said, but he’ll just love telling you how beautiful you are, he doesn’t tire of it nor does he get frustrated you do talk about your insecurities. like namjoon, he'll find some very unique way to see it

and he would LOVE tickling you and squishing all your soft bits <3 you can beg him to stop, but you will grow to love it…. he’ll make sure of it!

low-key the type to buy you lingerie and almost force you into it because he knows you'll look beautiful in it (it's not just for him, it's for you - he loves seeing you all shy when you get into it though.... but that shyness will wear off with time and your confidence will only drive seokjin madder)

on that note, he won't have that "i can't do this thing in bed because i'm chubby" attitude - he'll make sure he finds any way to ensure you do everything you want to....

and he will ask you to do things for him

would smother his face in every part soft and squishy part of you and will definitely definitely squeeze you during sex

and he will definitely ask you to sit on his face and suffocate him with your thighs... :)

yoongi

coming up with an answer for yoongi was incredibly tough because

i think yoongi is so chill, something about yoongi screams “i really don’t care about what you look like, it’s the personality that makes a person attractive or not”

like no matter what, i think he’d love you for you.

love is love

no matter who the other person is or how they look like

BUT - he will fold and fall

and the intense physical attraction will follow once he gets to know you (again, this is not specific to curvy people, i think this is just how yoongi might be)

but this is about curvy people so let’s dive into that

if you wear something that shows a little more, perhaps lingerie or a form-fitting dress, and he’ll get so flustered and he will avoid eye-contact (especially if you don’t wear that style regularly)

like jin and jimin, yoongi would also be a person who knows that curvy/chubby women can go through so much shit just for the bodies being the way they are, and it’ll aggravate him just as much as it would jin… but it’s questionable whether yoongi would be able to keep his cool… because it’s you.

and low-key that energy could translate into his love for you too… in a very yoongi “harshly gentle” way.

if you express any insecurity in regards to your body, he’d caress your face and stare deeply into your eyes & and just very seriously and quietly be like "??? so??? i love you more than anything in this world already, do you think i give a fuck that you have a lil belly??? hmm, why are you trying to hide it? i see you every day, do you think i don’t know what your body looks like? be fr, y/n. you’re beautiful (then he’ll poke your belly cutely, before the energy shifts and gets intense) don’t say that shit about yourself or about me. (then he’ll kiss you so softly)” <3

hoseok

hoseok would LOVE it when you show off your figure and your curves!!!

he's a hips and ass man, i'm sure of it.

he would AUDIBLY AND PROUDLY hype you tf up when you wear something a little more form-fitting!!

and it’s something he always always encouraged, asking you to try bolder styles and colors

hobi simply will not take the “i can’t wear that because i’m chubby” saying

“you want to wear it? it suits you? FUCKING WEAR IT YOU LOOK FUCKING INCREDIBLE. WHO CARES IF YOUR TUMMY AND HIPS ARE EMPHASIZED THAT’S A GOOD THING YOU’RE SEXY AS FUCK”

so when you as far as to dress in something a little risque? oof hobi will go crazy

do a lil dance for him? goodbye, hobi’s on the floor.

also we all know hoseok is a fashion expert, and chubby girls know it isn’t that easy to find clothes that fit our proportions/sizes/bodies…. but not if you’re with hoseok. this man will do whatever he can to make sure you can wear what you want, whether it's finding international brands that have your style+size or literally surprising you with a custom made outfit

"that brand doesn't carry your size? you like it but the proportions are just slightly off? don't worry about it baby i have your christmas gift sorted xx"

he won't be shy to hype you up just as loudly in public and on social media too

the type to encourage you to shake everything you've got in the club while grabbing onto you...

jimin

this is gonna sound cliched but bear with me

jimin will be incredibly attracted to your confidence and your energy

i think confidence is something jimin is attracted to no matter what, but if he sees the way you just radiate self-love and your confidence shining out of you through the way you dress, talk, carry yourself....

(i.e. “i can pull any man i want energy”, tight/skimpy dresses, STRUT instead of walking, good posture, etc while KNOWING the extra shit you could get for it & not giving a fuck??)

oh my god. oh my god.

to say jimin’s heart will flutter would be an understatement

you’d walk into the room, like you own it, and jimin would feel like he wants to do whatever he can to actually give it to you

and, similar to jin and yoongi, he knows curvy girls get a ton of shit just for existing - but it's almost double when they��re (loudly) confident, despite the fact that they should be that way!

so that respect and attraction he'll have for you will just be amplified and he’ll admire you even more (i hope this is coming off in a good way, the way I meant it - i can see this being misinterpreted but i can’t think of another way to word it - he’ll be like YES I’M SO GLAD YOU KNOW HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE AND YOU ALSO SAY FUCK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE!!! THAT’S SO HOT OF YOU!!!)

& if someone says something shitty about you in front of him… - he’ll pick up on even the slightest jabs or comments or looks - and there’s no way jimin would be able to keep this cool. good luck to whoever tried to insult you. >.< jimin will make them regret their entire existence let alone their comment

jimin’s still jimin, so he’d try to flirt with you, and if you meet that with the same energy? OH MAN he’ll fold (maybe even a little more if you somehow reject him… and definitely a lot more if you bring that energy into the bedroom)

pls i can't shake the idea of jimin being so so so happily dominated by a plus size woman and dominatrix.... his idea of heaven, actually

and when you have an insecure day he’ll remind you of your beauty and your confidence in any and *every* way possible.

and even though it all started with the attraction to confidence, it’s not like the attraction will fade off if you have an insecure day!!! he won’t even be a little angry about it - i can especially imagine him being so gentle and understanding. in fact, he'll be all over you

taehyung

i think taehyung would love your squishiness and your warmth <3 and more

i hope that doesn’t sound weird but let me explain the first bit

he would definitely squish your cheeks, in any scenario

like when you’re down and he’s reassuring you or taking care of you…

or even in a passionate kiss….

he will find any and every excuse to hug you, and his hugs are SQUISHYYY

it’s just so comforting to him

in taehyung’s eyes it’s all just warm and feel-good

he’ll love hugging you at the end of a long day - cuddles is just your default state together

but when he’s in ~the mood~ which I suspect is often, his hands will roam and he’ll go crazy…

especially for your hips!!!!

and your boobs, but mostly your hips

and when it comes down to ~ actually doing the dirty ~ oh he’ll think you’re BEAUTIFUL in the heat of the moment. he thinks you’re beautiful regardless, but ~during it~ he’ll almost be in a high from just seeing you in that state…. he'll say that that's when you truly let go and feel like yourself and be yourself.

the type to swat your arm away if you tried using it to cover your tummy in photos

he’ll make you feel more loved than any other person, and he’d kiss and bite you everywhere…. especially your squishy bits.

similar to jimin, he'd be incredibly attracted to your confidence

like if he just sees you shaking it at the club and calling yourself beautiful? loudly and proudly?

i honestly think taehyung would be so damn attracted to you that he'd be more clingy than he ever was

again, that energy and mindset of "the world gives me enough shit for existing so i might as well have fun and not give a damn" would be so refreshing to taehyung and he'll really respect and love you for it

jungkook

this man will not leave you alone.

why? because he loves you, sure, but also because jungkook’s an ass man

& he would be so obsessed with your butt

there’s!! just!! so!! much!! more!! to !! hold!! and !! slap!!!! and SQUISH!!!

and your THIGHS TOO?!?!??!?

jungkook’s favorite places to let his hands rest while you’re making out.

i say “rest” loosely because guess what? he’s definitely squishing and feeling you up

he especially likes your thighs because they’re such a treat when he actually can squeeze them and hold them, whereas he has constant access to your butt, and your boobs, squeezing them on the regular.

yeah, just accept that you're jungkook's sexy little stress ball

i mention squeezing and squishing a lot in this post but jungkook's the biggest criminal, he'll take any aNY opportunity to squish anything he can

which is why he'll have so much fun with you!! so much more to hold!! and squish!!

jungkook is a curious boy™️ so i think he’ll love tracing and feeling your stretch marks… he’ll be fascinated by them

something tells me jungkook won't easily pick up on slight jabs people make of you or even weird stares - but honestly it's just because he's too busy lovingly ogling you to notice.

but if you're ever insecure he’ll shower you with love… but if you ever doubt his love on any of your insecure days, he’ll be really hurt.

also? I read this in a couple of pics but the idea never left my head:

jungkook would be determined to carry you. and like jin he will be determined to make sure you live out any sexual fantasy you had. he won’t take any shit about “I’m too heavy, etc etc” - he WILL carry you. first bridal style, then until he can lift you up during a kiss or during sex. then?…. he might just train to do the dirty dancing lift. this boy is determined.

he will simply refuse to let you miss out on anything just because you weigh a little more. so what? why shouldn’t he train a little more to carry you? especially considering putting on more muscle and making his girlfriend happy are two of his favorite things to do <3

and if something in the world stops you from being able to experience a thing you want to, simply because you're chubby, he'll be so mad at the world that you'll have to end up consoling him.

he'll make sure you experience something even better though <3

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omniwhore · 1 year

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Ways to trick yourself to Go Outside

@thelostones-world asked about some ways to battle the AuDHD urge to stay in cave tm nd get the delicious outdoor stimulation

I decided to do a full blown post in hopes that it might help others, so here’s a few suggestions for

when you don’t wanna go out but know it would make you feel better

- ✨splish splosh water on face✨

In effort to feel less dissociated nd foggy and more in touch with your body and needs, I recommend something that helps me come back into my body - go to the bathroom and splash your face with cold/room temperature water.

Additionally you can put on a skin cream or moisturizer to further ground yourself nd reconnect with feeling physically present in your body.

This should help you feel more ready to spring into action!

- 🌤️open window sniff the air🌤️

One way to trick myself into being excited abt leaving the apartment nd going outside is to open a window and just,,, stare outside, feel the sunshine or the wind on your skin, smell the fresh air, listen to the hum nd sounds that are suddenly that much closer....

It helps me remember the good feeling of being outside and feeling so happy and stimulated and grounded. Then I just remind myself that more of this is only a couple steps away!

- 👚prepare an outfit in advance👚

Another way to trick yourself into being more amenable to leaving the house is to take time the day prior to prepare the outfit you’ll wear.

Aim for whatever you’d like to prioritize - comfort/safety, your favorite style that you want to show off, something you've been waiting for an excuse to wear, or something that reminds you of the location you want to visit.

(ie. goblincore outfit for a walk in the park, cottagecore outfit for a farmer's market, academia outfit for a library visit or a café study/art/reading session etc.)

Having an outfit already put together that you can just slip into gives your brain less opportunities to chicken out - and can help you get hyped up for whatever you're about to go do!

- 🌸gamify your outings🌸

Give yourself a mission (instead of writing down "go for a walk" in your planner, write "go on foot to {location} and back" or "walk outside for {n} minutes" or "collect 5 fallen leaves").

Boom! Now your brain won't get overwhelmed by ohmygod there’s so many things I could be doing what about we just abandon it altogether???

You have a mission to focus on. And when you're done, it's up to you whether you wanna keep going or whether you wanna head back home. For me, even a 10 or 15 min walk can make a big difference if I haven't been out for days.

- 📒plan things ahead of time📒

I always found meticulous planning vry comforting for my autistic side. It makes it significantly easier to psych myself up for something involving leaving the house if I let myself know that it's happening at least three days in advance.

Think about sitting down with a planner or a plain notebook, or your phone calendar (so handy! can include pings, map routes, and any additional info u might need to complete the mission!) and brainstorming some activities you'd like to do outdoors!

- 💚make plans with others💚

Hanging out with your friends in person if you can is a great way to make yourself show up, and is generally super good for your brain!

Idk about you, but if I told a friend I’m gonna be there at 5, I am gonna be there at god damned 5!!!

- 🎟️purchase tickets for events🎟️

Check facebook, reddit or whatever neighborhood (online) space you can come by for free or affordable events in your area!

Whether the goal is to be around people nd feel less anxious/alienated, or to just feed your brain some delicious stimulation at the museum or a pop up market, purchasing a ticket for an event can hold you more accountable to show up!

(Again recommend sitting down and planning at least 3 days ahead as to not have a meltdown abt the stress of figuring out the logistics)

#adhd #adhd on meds #autism #autismhd #audhd #actually audhd #actually neurodivergent #actually adhd #neurodivergent #comorbidities #comorbid conditions #self care #selfcare #self care masterpost #self care hacks #self care tips #might do more of theese eventually #mental health

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chloeangelic · 6 months

Note

Why does it seem like everything you've put out lately is just trying to rip off netherfeildren? Like the art, the plots, the aesthetics... Especially weird since you used to seem to always hype them up

I went back and forth on responding to this but I’ve decided to because I don’t appreciate having my integrity questioned. I kind of expected that I'd get something like this because there are some thematic similarities between Seeking and SWITBOSH. However, I won’t respond publicly to anything else like this cause I think we’re all very over The Discourse, and tbh it’s a massive fucking insult to accuse me of ripping someone off when I’ve spent seven months writing ca 200k words of fic and developing my own unique style of writing. If you can’t see the difference between two writers, just because they write emotional depth and full sentences, then please read an actual book and not just brainrot fic. I’m gonna properly address everything under the cut - anon domming is back on the menu today.

That being said, because this feels weird and uncomfortable for me and likely for Vic, I’m turning off anons for the time being and I’m taking a posting break to decide whether I want to continue posting here at all or continue posting purely on AO3. I post there anyways under the same name. If you still have a bone to pick with me or my writing, please message me directly. Please do NOT pester Vic about this, I know very well that she does not enjoy The Discourse or any sort of drama. Everyone is sick of the copying discourse - please have some trust in writers’ self awareness.

Firstly, the words “recently” and “plots” should be defined here - I personally don’t see how stepdaddy Joel, pornstar Tim, sex addict Dieter, baby daddy Javi or any of Love Me back is similar to her works at all. The Seeking teaser I posted yesterday was similar to her Pink teasers purely because it had text on a photo - my text wasn’t even from the fic, it was a quote that represented the series as a whole and the quote that finally made the series crystallize in my head. It’s the quote I want people to have in the back of their mind when they go into reading it - it’s from the song that I consider the series theme. Our formatting is not the same. Yes, I have quotes at the beginning of the chapters - my friend sent me a bunch of poems and a couple, I felt were relevant to the story so I wanted to add them somehow. Several writers do this. I stopped putting in previews above the cut cause it was making it difficult for me to write the beginning of the chapters. My masterlist art is the same as, like.. Everyone’s else’s masterlist post - the norm on here is to have an artwork from Pinterest, the title slapped on top and the writer’s name. I literally just loved Pascalisbaby’s masterlist art so much I decided to do it too.

When you say plots, I’m assuming you’re drawing parallels between Seeking what is desirable and Someone’s Wife in the Boat of Someone’s Husband because cheater!Joel (or maybe even Pink cause DDLG, but I’m literally in a DDLG-type dynamic irl and I decided to incorporate it into a fic for once - there were CLEAR ddlg undertones in Love Me Back, it just wasn’t explicit. I also wrote several chapters of Seeking before Pink even came out, and I wrote a cheating + father in law oneshot this summer).

The MC in Seeking is based on myself and my own life, moving away from my parents in order to live with my boyfriend at the time very far away, who ended up being extremely absent and shitty. MC+Jeremiah relationship is based on Adam and Hermine from EXIT, Jeremiah is based on Tony Soprano, Gwen is based on Janice Soprano + a story I heard from my cousin about how his wife let him do all the childcare while she went on a women’s retreat. They are not in a marriage of convenience, the MC doesn’t feel bad about the affair at all, she never pushes him away, and Gwen has no plans on leaving. Sarah and Ellie are both 16 and living with Joel in Seeking. The MC does not have similarities to Sarah like she does in Love Me Back (which was also literally based on my own life) or Someone’s.

MC is a teacher who cheats with Joel - so is the MC in my post outbreak series I wrote many months ago. They're drawn to each other immediately cause I hate slow burn fics and I didn't feel like writing two chapters of him fucking someone else this time around. She goes out intending to cheat, and he thinks it'll sustain him for the next several years. The first thing I thought up in this entire series was Jeremiah - I had his character crystallized in my head for weeks before I planned anything else.

Of course Joel is unhappy in his marriage - neither Vic or myself would write a Joel who cheats for fun, that’s just not something either of us finds interesting. It actually started as a Sopranos AU, but I decided against going that route cause I don’t know enough about white collar crime. Also, if you are familiar with my writing you’ll know I love writing infidelity - it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m writing a series with this as the central theme. The central question for Seeking is when is it okay to cheat? That’s what the entire fic is about. It’s not about him finding the love of his life after marrying someone else (like the summary of Someone’s), it’s about two instances of cheating and how we justify those two scenarios. Of course it has a happy ending - I’ve used up my non-happy ending quota for the year.

I’m not sure what you mean by aesthetics - Vic actually edits really nice graphics for all of her Mando chapters. She spends a bunch of time on those, and you’re doing a disservice to her by overlooking how unique her artwork is and how much effort it takes. She also made really cool teasers for Pink. I’m way too lazy for any of that, I just slam a moodboard together. I started doing 3 slot moodboards cause the 6-7 slot ones were a hassle. The fact that only art pieces are used in this series is half coincidence, half me being sick of trying to fit Pedro pics into the moodboards when the colors are often wrong.

I literally texted with her when I planned this series, saying I was afraid people would accuse it of being a ripoff of Someone’s, purely due to the Joel infidelity + uninterested wife factor, and she did not think the overall plot was similar enough to be of concern. I still hype her up, she just doesn’t post as often now so I don’t reblog as often, that’s pretty simple. I’ve also asked Iris, my editor, SEVERAL TIMES if it reads too similar to Someone’s or anything Vic has written - she is extremely familiar with both of our works and she did not think so. What exactly am I supposed to do when I’ve gotten the green light from everyone?

This specific anon didn’t mention the actual writing, though, which is funny and it makes sense because I don’t write like Vic and I don’t try to. Her vocabulary is way larger than mine, the diction and syntax are not similar at all. She actually uses metaphors, I use them very rarely and only when it’s super dramatic. My writing isn’t poetic, it’s not flowery, it’s not formal - it’s literally just how I think inside my own head. When I read my own writing, I imagine Charles Gross doing a dramatic reading. I learn like one new word every month and eventually I’ll add it to my writing when it’s something I’m confident using irl. She has a lot of depth to her fics, I also try to write with emotional depth - I’m sorry if that’s unfamiliar in a landscape of dbf porn with no plot and 5 word sentences (I’m shading my own first series here). Seeking reads more similar to the first series I ever wrote, which I never posted, than anything else I’ve written. Half of Seeking is also straight up daydreaming sequences cause that’s literally how I think - the MC lives a boring life and daydreams, so do I.

I’ve learned a ton from reading Vic’s stuff - I don’t read that much irl cause I rarely find English novels captivating, but her writing has really made an impression on me. I talk constantly about how much her writing makes me cry, and it really does. Reading her stuff has absolutely influenced me to be more confident about weaving in actions and little plot points that are more vulnerable and personal to myself, and that adds a lot of depth it otherwise wouldn’t. I’m very inspired by her, of course I am - but I know the difference between being inspired and trying to leech.

I’m sorry my writing style has developed. I’m sorry I no longer write like I did in April, with matter-of-factly short sentences and little emotional depth. I have short series and long series because some plots deserve more emotional depth and some don’t need it. I wouldn’t bother writing anymore if all I did was shady lawyer Joel or Father Joel and I never improved.

If you don’t enjoy my writing, please just unfollow. I’ve seen other fics on this platform that read similar to mine, some that have exactly the same plot points/origin stories, and at no point have I thought they were ripping me off. At some point, this specific fandom needs to realize that it’s possible for two writers to have similar ideas without it being one person copying the other. My personal opinion is that if you copy someone’s plot, you won’t be able to execute it well because you don’t have the ideas necessary to actually flesh it out. If you’re familiar with my writing, you know damn well I’m capable of coming up with my own ideas and plots. I feel zero need to rip other people's in order to gain traction - I have enough followers and idgaf how many notes anything gets. Please don’t overestimate my ability to give a fuck about my popularity in this fandom.

Anyways, thanks for making me want to vomit, anon, you truly made me feel like shit today and I hope you have a great night! I’m not sure how much I’ll be checking tumblr for a while so feel free to message me on discord under the same name.

#chloe answers

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twilightmalachite · 9 months

Text

Madara Mikejima Mini Talk - Guardians◆Eye and Last Mission

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Heheh, it's a pretty good picture, isn't it? I feel it's been a looong time since I last played the piano."

Season: Winter

The Side I Want to Show

Location: Recording Booth

Madara: Alright, this is the last one… There. Like this?

Still, never thought there’d be a day where I’d have to write so many signatuuures!

And under your supervision, too, Anzu-san. Do you have that little faith in meee?

💬 You need someone to watch over you, else…

Madara: “…you have a feeling I’ll end up hurrying off somewhere”…? Well, can’t say the possibility doesn’t exist.

That being said, sorry for keeping you here for so long, Anzu-saaan.

💬 That’s right…

Madara: Hahaha! Usually that’s when people deny iiit!

Well, I’ll have an endless amount of time to spend with you now, right, Anzu-san? I’ll take this opportunity to earn back your trust little by little! ♪

💬 Well, you have a submission date coming up…

Madara: Ahh, do I need to send these all to the magazine’s editor? I’ll at least help you paaack!

But really, who in the world came up with the idea of “giving away 100 autographs of Mikejima Madaraaa”?

Madara: Actually, have you seen my gravure shoot in this magaziiine? It was a project I picked up so I could show a different self than usual.

My image differs based on my unit, MaM or Double Face—so I was worried about which of my selves would work beeest.

The photograph in the end… shooould be posted around here somewhere.

💬 You look cute, don’t you?

Madara: I’m not sure how I feel being called cute being a big man like myself, but…

The cameraman’s good at his job, riiight? I was surprised when I saw the final photo as wellll!

💬 You look cool.

Madara: Heheh, it's a pretty good picture, isn't it? I feel it's been a looong time since I last played the piano.

Once I get a feel for an instrument, I want to try something new, you knooow. I'm aaalways looking for something to like!

💬 This is…

Madara: Hahaha! They say that a well-liked man is dripped even with water, but… I’m far from dripping, I’m soaking weeet!

They requested to photograph me standing in the pouring rain. What a mysterious situation, looking back on iiit…

Madara: Whoops, I’m out of time. I gotta get moving soon.

…My next job? Ahh, I’m filming for a song program at a TV station.

Are you heading over there toooo, Anzu-san? How about we go together, then!

💬 I’ll call a car over.

Madara: It’s close enough that we don’t have to go by car… is what I was thinking, but it looks like it’s gonna rain, huuuh?

I have work outside tomorrow, hopefully it’ll be sunny then.

💬 What song will you be singing?

Madara: I plan to sing the song we performed in my shuffle project todaaaay!

It’s been a long time since I've gotten to sing with Kuro-san and the others, I’m reaaal excited! ♪

💬 I have to get my luggage.

Madara: Let's meet in the lobby 10 minutes from now, in that case!

It looks like it's gonna rain outside, so make sure to grab an umbrellaaa!

Showing One’s Hand

Location: Stage

Madara: “♪~♪~♪”

…Oh, Anzu-san. So you came on siiite! I got here toooo early.

There’s still time before the show, sooo I was warming my throat up with some vocal work.

💬 Huh…?

Madara: Where’s Kohaku-saaan? He told me he’d be arriving last minute todaaay.

Hopefully he’s not too pressed for time at his previous site. Let’s wait for him patiently…♪

💬 You seem to be in good shape.

Madara: Enthusiasm is high! I have a tight schedule today, so I thought to hype myself uuup!

After filming here, I have an interview to do and appear in yet another program… I’m suuure in high demand!

💬 It’s a good song.

Madara: Haha, although this song isn’t from Double Face, but from MaM, riiight?

It’d be nice too be able to perform it on a song program some day. Haha, could you help me out there, Anzu-san?

Madara: By the way, the project we’re working on—The MaM’s Parenting Struggle Diary, was it? How long have you been planning thaaat?

I can't help but find whatever Ibara-san does shady, but he does seem to have greaaat management skills.

Anzu-san, are you suuure you aren’t also just being played to that guy’s convenience?

💬 That’s not the case.

Madara: Well, I suppose there are also parts of the project that are your ideas, but, still.

I don’t want you to get too deeply involved, Anzu-saaan…

💬 It’s a well-thought-out project.

Madara: The first episode didn’t seem to get that much of a response, so guess we’ll just have to wait and see, huh?

Looks like we’ll be having a guest next time, so I suppose it's time for us to show our hand on what kind of show this will beee!

💬 Don’t you fret and leave it to me.

Madara: Hmmm, I just can’t trust you when you’re smiling confidently, you knooow…?

…That’s your line? Hahaha, well I am aaalways packed full of confidence! ♪

Madara: Ahh, looks like they’re about to start setting up for real nooow!

I think I’ll head on back to the dressing room so I won’t get in the way. I’m sure Kohaku-san will be arriving aaany time now.

Are you planning to stick around until filming is over, Anzu-saaan?

💬 That’s the plan.

Madara: Well, there’s a lot of ES idols featured in today’s show, aren’t theeere?

I bet the other idols will be overjoyed to have you here, Anzu-saaan!

💬 That’s right.

Madara: Looks like there are other members from the P-Association around here today, huuuh!

I’d love to hear their thoughts when we’re done todaaay! I’m lookin’ forward to it!

💬 Yes, but…

Madara: Does your schedule have you in and out today? Busy today, huuuh?

Are there sponsors scheduled to come today? Then we’ll reaaally have to make sure Double Face blossoms! ♪

#mam #double face #translation #mini #madara mikejima #anzu

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urfavlarry · 9 days

Note

My dude, I don’t think you understand. I check your blog everyday like CLOCKWORK for sbg content. And if there’s nothing new today? Alas, I’ll be back tomorrow!!! You’re literally not taking forever, you post so often and I so so appreciate but like even if you were?? It’s the QUALITY I’m here for. I’ve been showing up fr every day since I found you and I’ll keep showing up even if there’s no new stuff! All the stuff you have is so good!!! I can hold myself over re reading your fics while I’m still super hyped for what you’re gonna do next. Take your time and don’t be discouraged by the haters!! Esp anon haters, I request anonymously but I’ll always spread positivity with my whole chest cause fic writers are so cool!! You’re doing great and I love your stuff and I just wanted to say so :) <3

omg thank you so so much!! i kind of thought my writing wasnt that good since i feel like its the same thing over and over again

but who am i to judge my writing? ofc im gonna think its bad but messages like these really make my day❤️❤️

thank you again you really made my day and im so grateful to have such incredible people as fans :3

- your fav person, Larry 🩵

#urfavlarry #school bus graveyard #hazbin hotel

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cosmic-hoboandthehighlander · 2 months

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I didn’t create tedmort.

I want to make that 100000% clear. I didn’t come up with it, I didn’t write the first fic or draw the first art. I didn’t even come up with the damn ship name! I need all of you to understand something because even if you think it’s not important for me to be clear about this, it really is to me, in my opinion.

I don’t credit tedmort as my ship. It doesn’t belong solely to me: y’all can write it, draw it, headcanon it — it’s not mine and never was! I don’t own it and won’t ever claim that I do. I will never ever gatekeep tedmort because they’re so precious to me and I want all of you to love them and cherish them as much as I do.

Warning: Long post ahead but it’s my feelings and I really hope you all take the time out to read this.

When I called myself the tedmort ship captain, it wasn’t because I was claiming the ship as MY rarepair. It’s me saying listen, I wrote a lot of tedmort and the tags here on tumblr and on ao3 are filled with me screaming into the void about this ship. I am the person standing on the deck of the ship that is the USS Tedmort, if you will, and hyping it up! Calling all of you from the shore to come on, hop aboard, and sail with me, not for me.

I do want to be the captain of the ship, but not in an “I own this!” sort of way, but in a “come, join me!” way. I want to set up the refershment table of headcanons and tell everyone joining up on our ship to “take a headcanon and leave one of your own!” and to joke and laugh over the angst we’ve collectively put our poor middle aged men through. This is a collective and I am not in charge and don’t want to be.

At the end of the day, I do want to be known as the tedmort person. But I really want to be known as more of a guide. A person that anyone in fandom, new or old, feels comfortable with approaching because I want to share tedmort with every single one of you. I write this ship because I love it. I feel the passion that I haven’t in fandom for a long time for these two and I feel free to share it without judgement!

I just love Teddy and Mort, plain and simple. I’m gonna write whether anybody is reading it or not because I’m having fun. But I want you as a fandom to have fun too.

I don’t want anybody to ever feel like they can’t write a ship because it “belongs” to someone else. Because someone has claimed the ship as “theirs.” I know there will always be people like that, in every fandom and every corner of the internet and in every part of the real world - someone who stakes claim because they love something so much, alienating others even when they don’t do mean to. I love being known for tedmort, but other people deserve a chance in the spotlight for their tedmort fics as well.

So maybe this is me saying, I’ll be your guide to tedmort, if you’ll have me, but I will never make this ship out to be mine and mine alone. Tedmort is ours.

#tedmort #bob's burgers #caboose rant #it’s not really a rant but it’s something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind lately #and I hope nothing I said offends anybody because it wasn’t meant to be anything but me assuring all of you that I’m not in charge #I just want everybody to know that just because I’m the loudest doesn’t mean I’m the one who makes all the rules #oh and also a disclaimer!! there is no fandom drama I’m not making fandom drama #I’m just feeling really angsty about myself right now #but if you think there is a problem please just dm me I’m too damn old for the ship drama shit

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for-a-longlongtime · 5 months

Note

I loved the first part of Nothing That I Didn't Know, but wondered who your ideal sandwich pairing is? 🥪

Santi x Frankie x Reader

Javi x Tim x Reader

Or maybe something else?

Or is there another one lurking in there?

I've been saving this one for a rainy day, @linzels-blog <3

SUCH DIFFICULT CHOICES.

Okay let me start by saying that, unfortunately for her, Javi x Tim x reader isn't even my ideal sandwich for that WIP. (That's not to say I don't love those three together though!) To me, this is the real MVP sandwich of that fic:

Tim Rockford x Javier Peña x Marcus Pike. I mean, I hope you're ready...

Then sometime in May next year, there's a Frankie Morales x Benny Miller x reader sandwich coming up for @rhoorl (which I think I mentioned here the other day? but my memory is shit so maybe I only mentioned it in a spiral squad evening on Discord, haha).

At some point I'll also get to writing a Javier Peña x Judy Moncada x reader sandwich one shot (first FFM fic, yay!). I'm looking forward to that one because that should be a trip - and yes, it's definitely going to be part hate fucking. (And lucky for me, I know that this one is definitely NOT gonna be more than just a one shot - unlike several WIPs that totally escalated) Thanks for the hyping on this one @legendary-pink-dot <3

I haven't taken any official notes for this yet, but I am planning a Dieter Bravo x Javier Gutierrez fic which I suspect may end up becoming more than just a one shot (hopefully it'll stay contained as a very short series, we'll see what happens). In that case, I'm pretty sure that there will also be a Dieter x Javi G x male original character or male!reader chapter (👀 @sin-djarin I know I haven't said anything about this yet because it was just a passing thought, but the vague idea for it *exists*)

But honestly?

Yeah, Santi x Frankie x reader is hands down my absolute favorite sandwich. For SO many reasons. It's how they actually pushed Tim x Javi aside, because they wanted to be the first fic I posted. What can I say - I have a really big soft spot for all three of them. Plus, y'know - Santi and Frankie, that's pretty much canon IMO, just look at Triple Frontier. <3

Thank you for asking and letting me yap about my sandwich love! Honestly, it's not like I only like threesome fics, or even that I intend to only write those (for example, there definitely is an Ezra x Marcus Pike WIP outline! And there's not going to be a sandwich pairing in there) - but, you know. There are so many fucking fantastic writers out there who write all kinds of pairings so beautifully, and I totally love that. I want to add something of myself and the things I care about to that.

Personally I'm a sucker for representation because I think it's super important for everybody to be able to see themselves reflected in fic, and even to just see the diversity of gender, sexuality, intimacy and all kinds of relationships. So bi, gay, lesbian and queer characters, as well as polyamorous relationships, really have been part of my fic ideas from the beginning - particularly because there are a lot fewer of those than straight male x female couple fics in the Pedro verse. I’m glad that you and others are here for that sandwich love ❤️🥪

#bi representation #Javier Peña #marcus pike #tim rockford #pedro pascal characters #frankie morales #santiago garcia #benny miller #judy moncada #narcos #triple frontier #where is my sandwich #nothing that i didn't know

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thecreelhouse · 2 months

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here’s the thing: i totally get people have real lives outside of the internet. we all do. we all have a shit going on outside of this silly little website.

but when I see people who kept asking me about this sequel constantly reblog other fics and ignore mine, it’s silly but it’s a sad feeling after i’ve put so much time and effort into this because i had a handful of mutuals and people hype this up.

that’s not to say you can’t read or boost what you want, but then y’all wonder why fandoms fizzle out so easily anymore. i see this happen so often with mutuals and their work too. it sucks for any of us.

notes aren’t everything, and honestly, i’m still thrilled to this day when something reaches like. 20 notes. if that. but when you’ve got support on an idea and at first and everyone just kinda ignores it when you finally post it, it hurts ngl.

i’m still gonna keep going with this series bc i’m still really enjoying writing it. but this is probably the last time i’ll take comments like the ones who asked for a follow up into consideration again. i’d rather write for myself again if it means not being letdown.

no one come @ me for venting please, i see y’all do it all the time while you never support other writers to begin with, so keep it to yourself. thanks.

#like i don’t get it…… is it because it’s not smut (yet) lmao?#i get the first series was mainly that but it still had a lot with the backstories through it all…?#i’ve been doubting if i’m even decent at writing anymore but then i see y’all go nuts over the filthy fics so who fucking knows #also i know it’s heavier stuff in some chapters but still. just. blech.#i’m hoping with the happier ones people will read those but who fucking knows lol

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synobun · 3 months

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One of them tag games

So I wasn't actually tagged by @cour5t in this, but I was tagged by @rosewinterborn in a very similar game, so I'm stealing the first and pretending it's the second, since the second had a few questions that didn't apply to me x)

Last song: I'm gonna do the last song I've had on repeat for this!

Favorite color: I never know what to say for this. Black? Dark red? Dark purple? Dark green? That whole colour palette is the bomb dot com.

Last movie/show: The last movie I watched that was new was Nimona! It was fantastic, 10/10 lives up to the hype. The last show I finished was Reacher. It was okay.

Next on my watchlist: I've finally started watching Criminal Minds, but I'm already kind of burning out on it midway through season two. And there's still like 300 episodes left. Ridic. I should probably catch up on Foundation and For All Mankind. Next movie is the cartoon version of Mulan!

Last game: Prey! I did a replay of Doom 3 a while ago and mused that the horror story-game genre should be revived, and then on a whim I decided to play Prey without knowing anything about it. And it's the exact kind of game I was talking about. It's pretty good.

Last book: Rebirth of the Sigil by Peri Akman. It was disappointing. :/ Especially since I know what the author is otherwise capable of. I had the same thing happen with John Gwynne recently as well.

Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory, I think? I don't have an instinctive sense of what savory is. Google says it's a meaty taste, and I rely heavily on protein, so I guess that. I have a pretty low tolerance for sweetness despite liking sodas and such. I don't like most desserts or can only eat a tiny amount. Spicy is alright but my digestive system disagrees.

Relationship status: *vague gesturing*

Last thing I searched online: The hours for my pharmacy to see if it was too late to pick up my medication.

Current obsession: I am generally not an obsessive person when it comes to, like, interests and activities. But I am an obsessive person when it comes to thoughts and emotions. Lately I've been struggling a lot with thinking about eternity. It has not been fun. On a lighter note, I have also been thinking more regularly about writing. Perhaps someday that will translate into action!

Greatest flaw: How much time do you have? This is actually something I have difficulty answering, because the line between something forced upon me and something that is actually inherent to me is blurred a lot of the time.

I think I'd say how I behave when I'm spiraling mentally. I close off and disappear from almost everyone in my life. Occasionally I can keep up appearances with one group but not the rest, but by and large I become a ghost. When I am in a conversation during those cycles, it's crazy how badly I'm affected. I don't become cruel or mean toward others, but my speech becomes jilted, I can't make eye contact, and I am just devastatingly hateful against myself.

It's partly why I isolate, so that I don't have to expose others to that behaviour. It happens on a yearly basis though, and it can last for weeks at a time, so it has a pretty negative impact on my relationships. I also have no idea how to navigate being in one of those moods while part of a relationship where daily contact is an expectation. When I was part of a romantic relationship, instead of having one big prolonged dip, I would fade in and out of it. A couple weeks good, a couple days bad. Rinse and repeat. Awful. Terrible. Annoying. There's almost no predicting when it'll happen either.

Fic I’m currently reading: I rarely read fics because I have no patience for wading through wish fulfillment, horny writing, and "He would not fucking say that" fics, so there's only one that I vaguely keep up with. My friend has a Mass Effect fic, which can be found here. It focuses on femShep(/Kaidan) and Tali(/Garrus) and is post-ME3.

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I tag anyone who sees this and actually made it to the end, tbh. But for sake of poking, I tag @rosewinterborn with this variant, and also @deadlyessencewhispers, @tananaphone, @stupid-elf, @carrotblr, @atinydroid, @imtryingx, and, uh, uh... I don't know... let's see... @kkshowtunes, @d3viantvanguard, and @awritingcaitlin. I probably just tagged everyone who follows me. Anyway thanks bye

#tag game #in which i talk too much and reveal too much

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allylikethecat · 4 months

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hellooooo ally!! i have officially read it’s christmas (so this is gonna be a nightmare) twice lucky me!!! what a treat!!! i have so many thoughts and feelings about the fic you don’t understand how much i love the trope/concept of fic!matty not being liked or accepted by people outside the band because of his “quirks” (serious and personal mental health/ addiction issues) because it’s just so unfair. perfect angst and also very realistic???? being written off as Bad News because he experiences hardships that are more scary and extreme than most people?? so wonderfully devastating and very real.

you aren’t allowed to apologise for the fic not being finished. you’ve done it to every other ask but i’m putting my foot down. no apology please!!! releasing it in parts just builds suspense anyways i love it.

now for the clumsy partner prompts!!! thankyou sooooo much for reblogging the list i feel very blessed. i’d like to request gatty 15, 16, 17 and 18 (they are all pretty similar so you could maybe combine some in one blurb? but obviously im not telling you how to write do whatever calls to you i just feel bad for requesting so many at once😅)

as always have a lovely rest of your day and i’m really looking forward to whatever you post next!!! love ya😇🩷

Hello! Thank you so, so, so much for reading the first bit of the Christmas fic not only once but TWICE! I hope it's lived up to the hype even if it's not finished yet. Poor Fictional!Matty just wants his future in laws to like him, because he's not the same person he was when he was in his early twenties, he's worked on himself and deserves to be given a chance! Also I will not apologize for the fic not being finished by Christmas as requested even though I am sorry that I didn't finish it - it will hopefully be finished by the end of January at the latest!

Also!! thank you so much for not only suggesting the clumsy partner prompts to me, but also sending in this prompt request! I wanted to challenge myself a little bit, so I actually (I think!) managed to weave all four of them into one fill! Let me know what you think! If this wasn't what you were looking for, let me know and I will rewrite them! (If anyone else wants to send in any prompts, the list can be found HERE)

Thank you so much for reading and sending in this ask and for always just being so lovely and wonderful and supportive! I'm so sorry that it's taken me a minute to get to some of your other prompt requests as well! I hope you enjoy this one though and I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Thank you again!!

❤️Ally

15. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, really.”

“Shhh, stop it. You're no trouble at all, zero.”

16. Their partner sometimes feeling that their clumsy tendencies ruin everything and them, actually finding it endearing. They are sure to let their partner know they love it.

17. “Oh, I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t mess it up, go on and give it a try.”

18. Makes it clear to their partner and anyone on the outside that just because they’re worried, doesn’t mean that their partner needs them or depends on them. It’s simply their partner allowing them to do the things that make them comfortable because they’re always worrying.

Matty knew he wasn’t the most coordinated person on the face of the Earth. He was always tripping over his feet, his head in the clouds as he bumped into things and other people, stumbling over curbs and spilling cups of coffee. George always had bandages in his backpack, and an extra Matty-sized shirt for when an inevitable incident occurred. His knees were permanently bruised and his palms forever scrapped. Despite George’s endless patience, and “I’ll kiss it betters” Matty wanted to die each time they were late for a meeting because Matty ate it in the parking lot.

He had been horrible at sports as a child, his limbs never seeming to want to move the way he directed them, despite not being very large he felt like he had never properly grown into his body and developed the spacial awareness and grace that George seemed to carry. He had tried yoga but just grew frustrated at the disconnect he felt from his physical form and had quickly given up, citing some bullshit about not subscribing to George’s crunchy granola agenda. They both knew he was spouting nonsense.

Thanks to Matty, they were going to be twenty minutes late to their first fully staged rehearsal for the new tour. Matty was so careful focusing on his footfalls, holding his Starbucks cup away from his body so it wouldn’t splash onto his white tee shirt. He wasn’t even wearing his airpods, he was making sure he was aware of his surroundings George until he tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. He managed to not only spill his coffee down his entire front, but bang his elbow on the cement so that it was now bleeding sluggishly. Matty sat on his ass in a puddle of coffee trying to comprehend what just happened while George looked on in mild horror.

“Are you alright?” George asked softly, voice thick with concern as he helped pull Matty to his feet, careful of his bleeding elbow, scarlet splatter bright against the white coffee stained fabric of his shirt.

“I’m fine,” Matty said, his lower lip wobbling in frustration. He wanted to pull away from George’s grasp but wasn’t sure his shaking knees would support him on his own. His elbow stung and he wanted to cry in frustration. If he couldn’t walk down the street, how was he ever supposed to handle thirty nine North American tour dates?

Today was supposed to be a good day, Matty thought hysterically, an important day, and as per usual not only were they late, it was his fault.

“Hey,” said George, tugging Matty into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Let’s go get you patched up, I think I have an extra shirt in my bag.”

Because of course he had an extra shirt, because he knew that Matty couldn’t be expected to walk normally like an adult without spilling something. Matty should have woken up earlier and drank his coffee at home, sitting safely at the kitchen table. George led him through the doors of the venue they were renting for rehearsal space, flashing their credentials to the security guard and following the signs in the hallway to lead him straight to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry,” said Matty, his voice wet, fuck he really was about to start crying, as George helped him sit up on the lip of the sink so that he could clean his elbow with a damp brown paper towel. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, really.”

“Shhh, stop it.” said George, pulling away so that he could look Matty in the eyes. “You're no trouble at all, zero.”

“But I’m always tripping over myself and ruining things,” Matty said with a sniffle.

George threw the paper towel away and pulled a box of bandages and a small tube of antibiotic ointment out of his backpack. He dabbed the ointment gently against Matty’s scraped skin with a careful kindness that made Matty’s heart hurt. He didn’t deserve George.

“It’s kind of cute,” George said quietly, after a moment, Matty swallowing a hiss of pain as the scrap stung. “Like obviously, I don’t like it when you get hurt, it makes me quite nervous actually, but you’re cute, like a baby deer discovering they have legs for the first time.”

“A baby deer?” Matty asked, raising his eyebrow amongst the pain, his eyes still wet even as he tried to force a smile.

“The cutest baby deer,” said George with a small grin, smoothing the bandage over Matty’s elbow before leaning down to press a kiss to the plaster.

Matty just snorted in response, and hopped off the counter, pretending he didn’t notice the way George was hovering at his side, ready to reach out and grab him in case something went wrong.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the offered black tee shirt from George and pulling off the now stained white one he was wearing. He pretended not to notice the way George was blatantly checking out his chest and stomach as if he didn’t see him naked on a daily basis.

“It’s nice of you to join us,” said Ross smirking, “Even if you’re never beating the diva allegations, Healy.” Matty sighed dramatically when they finally joined the group in front of the stage, his eyes going wide as he took in his vision come to life.

“I had a little mishap in the parking lot,” he admitted sheepishly, holding out his now bandaged elbow for Ross and Adam to see.

“You’ve got to be more careful mate,” said Adam, ruffling Matty’s hair as they sat down on the sofa that had been brought into the space, and went over the stage show with Tobias.

“I want to cut the song on the roof,” Matty said quietly after a moment, when the time came in the first run through for him to put on a harness and climb up onto the roof portion of their set. The music stopped as Matty chewed on his lower lip nervously.

George blinked, that was a segment that Matty had been dead set on, and excited to perform, having chattered about the visual implications of doing so and how it furthered the story for weeks.

“What?” George asked his expression of concern and confusion mirrored on Ross and Adam’s faces as well.

“Oh, I don’t want to mess it up.” Matty said softly with a shrug, “I’m so clumsy I’ll probably fall off the roof and traumatize our fan base or something.”

“You won’t mess it up,” George assured him even if Ross and Adam looked skeptical. “Go on and give it a try.”

Matty opened his mouth as if to argue but George just shook his head. “No, go on, try it out, there is a whole team of people that are going to make sure you’re okay, and you’ll have the harness so even if you do slip, you won’t fall far.”

Matty swallowed hard but nodded, having needed the extra push from George, to disappear into the makeshift backstage.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Ross asked quietly, stepping away from his microphone to make sure Matty didn’t hear him. “I was worried about it when he was all excited about it, but now if he’s even having second thoughts...”

George shrugged, fiddling with one of the drum sticks. “I’m worried, obviously,” George said, “but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t support him, he wanted to do the song on the roof, so we should at least try the song on the roof, there are foot holes, and handles up there, plus he has a harness on to make sure even if he does fall he won’t fall far.”

“You’re a better man than me,” said Adam, “I’d have Carly wrapped in bubble wrap if she was as accident prone as Matty.”

George shrugged, smiling when he looked up and saw Matty waving from the roof, before flashing a thumbs up.

“We’re partners,” George reminded him, “and that means working together as a team.”

#allylikethecat #ask ally #keep it kind #fanfiction #matty fic #gatty #fanfic #prompt fill #prompt fills #clumsy partner prompts #clumsy partner prompt fills #clumsy partner prompt fill #thank you so much again for sending in this list #and also requesting these prompts #and all of your kind words about my writing #you're so lovely and supportive and i am so very grateful #thank you so much!

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deepseavibez · 1 year

Text

Nerve_30 [N] || KNJ

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Nerve [Namjoon x Reader]

Prompt - @casnextdoor

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Part 29.5 - Retriggered

Part 30 - Finale [N]

Part 30 - Finale [E]

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Genre - cheating; aftermath; husband au;

Summary - You would never expect it really. He’s doting. He’s sweet. He’s hardworking. But he’s forgotten his morals. Suspecting it is one thing, but when he confirms it, will you stay or walk away.

Warning - Cheating(Aftermath); Angst; Fluff (if you squint);

Word Count - 7.7k

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A/N - Aaaah!! Finally the finale!! I am honestly so mad that this took so long to finalize, but officially, the five-parter Finale will start being posted from this week. Fair warning, I have had so many drafts for these updates and I had to settle on an ending for y/n that I felt would suit Nerve as a whole. And like I have stated many many times, the Nerve Universe is one of pain, of reality. So this is my first warning for future updates, updates [R] and [V] in particular... they are both very very triggering.

As for update [N]... [N] is my baby. This update is as happyending-y as it is going to get. So I hope it's adored as much as I loved writing it.

Once again thank you for being a part of the Nerve journey for Y/n and Namjoon's story.

xx Dee

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‘Why are we doing this again?’ Kenta shifted his shoulders as Yuna took individual pictures with Jia and her team. ‘I mean it’s outdated to have every individual follow a line to have their picture taken with the bride and groom.’

You sighed. ‘Well… only relevant people are present. And Yuna wanted it this way.’

Kenta’s lip curled. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he was annoyed. But as always his approach with Yuna was to contemplate, then give in anyway.

‘Ken, time for a couples pic with the team.’ Yoongi motioned without looking away from the camera.

You watched as he took his place next to Yuna and her team, sporting a somewhat awkward smile. You internally laughed at his predicament – all the poor man wanted to do was get out of that suit.

‘I’m gonna head out.’

‘Jeez, Ria.’ You clutched your heart involuntarily, at the sound of her voice so close to your ear. ‘Don’t sneak up on me like that.’

You recovered easily when she didn’t even acknowledge your whining. ‘You have everything required for the set up? Roses? Candles?’

‘Yep,’ she popped the ‘p’ as she pulled up a list used to help set up Yuna and Kenta’s room. ‘Jia is driving me and Ji-hyun will help out.’ She looked up at you and offered a tired smile. She’d been a big part of the wedding hype.

You were about to express your gratitude when she straightened her spine, and her eyes giving off a warning glint. ‘Incoming,’ she whispered.

You didn’t need to look behind you to know who she was referring to. The prickling awareness at your nape, the swirling in your head, the tightness in your chest – you puffed out a shaky breath as Kwang brushed past you, and you tried to refocus on Ria.

‘Thanks, Ri.’ You reached out for her, a selfish part of you needing the little comfort it would offer. ‘For helping with the wedding prep and the phone calls and the invites and still preparing for next year's start.’

She squeezed your hand before returning to the list on her phone screen. ‘This is Yuna we’re talking about, of course I was happy to help.’ You watched in silence as she meticulously struck off each item. Ria was conscientious, detail-oriented, and sometimes so closed off that her walls pissed you off, but it was soothing sometimes, to just watch her do her job. It reminded you a bit of Jin – sturdy and secure. She turned to look out at the waning reception when she was done. ‘We did pretty good, if I do say so myself.’

You hummed at the observation as some guests bid the newlyweds farewell after their pictures, and some were on the dance-floor.

Your eyes swept the room, mentally counting all your family members and taking note of where they were when something caught your attention.

Jinx and her mother Hee-Joo were at the bar, instinctively your eyes sought out Sylo and you watched in awe as Hee-Joo raised her glass, in what could only be labeled as a random gesture, if Sylo hadn’t tipped his toward his secret wife, not even glancing in her direction as he did so – from all the way on the other side of the hall.

As far as anyone was concerned, Hee-Joo was Jinx’s mother, not Sylo’s wife. And for good reason since Sylo worked in a cutthroat business.

But it did your heart good to see that they could make their lives work, albeit unconventional and hidden from prying eyes.

‘Let me stand on this side.’

You heard rustling behind you and you unconsciously inched closer to Ria, not wanting to brush against Kwang even by accident when he moved around Yuna.

‘Are you gonna be okay?’ Ria leaned forward to whisper against your cheek.

Something in you softened at the concern in her usually stoic gaze.

You thought of lying to her, it wasn't personal and it would have been no effort of yours to put her mind at ease, but you were both past that point of friendship.

Ria was there that day. She was the first person that saw you when you stormed out of your father’s office. Ria took one look at your distraught expression and hid you away from busybodies and known office gossips. It was Ria who listened to your incoherent string of words, combined with snot and saliva as you sobbed and felt sorry for yourself. She sat with you in the storage closet on the topmost floor and watched you cry it all out.

It was Ria who helped you stay on top of your job, eat when you couldn’t be bothered to, reminded you that you were not alone when you couldn't confide in Yuna. She became your friend even when you didn’t have the capacity to return her friendship and she was your biggest ally next to your mom in outing the partners.

Ria could be civil, with both your father and Kwang, and she may seem so impassive and indifferent to anyone outside her close circle, but she had the biggest heart – you had experienced it firsthand.

‘I wish he wasn’t here.’ The strangled confession did more harm than intended as a layer of your strength disintegrated in front of her. ‘I wish I didn’t have to feel so … dirty.’

‘Hey,’ Ria reprimanded you by pinching your arm.

‘Ow!’ You rubbed at the spot absently and shot her a warning glare.

‘You were not at fault. You did nothing wrong, y/n.’ She dropped her voice, and the frost in it rivaled the winter snow outside. ‘You are the victim here. The one who had no support, no justice and no vindication. He knew what he was doing from the get-go. Don’t you dare carry the blame for something like that. The burden is his… not yours.’

You blinked at Ria’s impassioned rambling. Mild as it was, she was never one to discuss such things in public, let alone say all of that in one go. You were almost overcome with emotion at the protective gesture, but you had to hold it together. It was a different issue altogether, that you wanted to imagine Yoongi’s body stiffening visibly at Ria's words.

The second-oldest had always been more perceptive than most, and he’d been hovering as much as the rest of the hyung line, even if he wasn’t sure what for. Well, what’s one more person? Add the soulmates and your maknae and let’s make it a party.

You internally cringed at the thought of Jungkook knowing. Taehyung knowing didn’t sit well with you either–he was too close to Yuna. It would be something to be angry about or better yet something he will have no choice but to keep from her. And Jimin... Park Jimin was emotionally safe. He radiated strength and respect and light, so much love and light… it wouldn’t be fair for him to know, it wouldn’t be fair for him to carry such a burden. As for the hyung line, you had to admit, they were a personal form of stability you relied on for support. You couldn’t help that Kenta and Ria were in the know. But Yuna? Yuna could never know…

‘He’s despicable.’ Ria shot him a hard look as she continued. ‘But you got this, y/n. The night’s almost over anyway.’ She frowned slightly. ‘You’d think he’d have enough shame to remain hidden away in whatever crevice he’s been in, all this time.’

It would have certainly made the night easy for you.

‘Fuck him,’ you dismissed him, doing your best to keep your voice down.

‘Yeahhh, no thank you.’ Ria snorted loud enough to have a few heads turning, but she ignored them. ‘Seriously though,’ she patted your hand, ‘just a few more hours.’

You hummed noncommittally. ‘Send me a pic when you’re done with the set up.’ You bit back your smile as you reminded her of her last task.

She met your eyes, gave you a blank stare and whispered the word. ‘Fuck.’ Her resigned expression afterward was too much for you to hold back your laugh.

‘Go on,’ you pushed her in the direction of the entrance. ‘Jia and JiJi should still be in the car waiting to use expletives on you.’

You blew out a puff of air as you took out your phone to absently scroll or act like you had something important to do. The tightness was back as soon as you lost sight of Ria.

It wasn’t about being alone, or standing aimlessly next to Yoongi, who you hadn’t confided in yet, that added onto the feeling of dread. In fact the only reason you weren’t a complete mess, was because you had had someone around you to keep it together – Yoongi helped in that department without actually using words.

But the pain in your back and the heaviness and your shoulders and the cloying in your throat was because of too much at one time.

You could usually keep appearances – you excelled at it. But the past few weeks were so draining. The tug-of-war with Namjoon took… well… almost everything from you. Your eyes sought out your husband, who looked to be in a serious conversation with your mother. She had her arms crossed and he bent his head in acquiescence, obviously accepting her reprove without protest.

Ra-Mi was not close to you or Namjoon. But she was polite. She was your mother and she acted as such these days. Your mother understood something your father hadn’t – it was too late to make amends for what was. In your mind, she may not be perfect, but she made it known she would be there for you, even now, in any way you preferred.

Now, according to Kenta, who you trusted more than your own self, your husband’s alleged affair seemed to lead a path to something deeper, darker, involving someone like Maiya who you had never known and whoever was the mastermind behind it all.

Let’s not forget that your safety blanket, your bodyguard, your head of security was leaving you for God knows how long. Yuna, who was some sort of extension of your whole existence, would not be easily accessible. Yes, marriage, though a legally binding process, was workable, as you had explained to Kenta, but it still changes things.

But when you fall in love with someone you deem as ‘the one,’ you are giving a part of yourself to them, choosing them through all the good and the bad, and to put them first. And like it or not, that trumps all of the smaller parts you’d previously shared with others. You and Yuna would always be important to each other. But now, Yuna had Kenta. From this point forth, her relationship with him would take precedence over yours. It was bittersweet, but you had the solace of knowing she would never ever be alone.

You already had Namjoon. But back when you got married, Yuna and Kenta weren’t even a couple yet. If all of what you were feeling was a fraction of how she felt when you promised yourself to Namjoon, you couldn’t imagine how she’d handled coming second to him. The thought of her letting go of that part of you that she held so dear for a long time–and now you had to do the same. A selfish part of you wouldn’t want to share at all. Fuck men, who needs ‘em.

You snorted at your childish thoughts.

‘You good, y/n?’ Yoongi glanced at you wide-eyed and concerned.

His expression sent you into a fit of giggles and for a minute you considered you might actually be going insane from all the shit you had to deal with.

When you finally quieted down and breathed deeply to salvage a bit of calm, you reassured him that you were fine and just needed to get a drink. Yoongi wouldn’t push you to talk, not ever and he wouldn’t feel any offense at the lack of information either.

You took one step towards the bar, before you had to turn back to the sound of Yuna’s voice.

‘Y/n! Get in here!’ She motioned with her hand for you to join the photo, the happiness spilling out of her.

You would, but you battled to keep the smile on your face as your heart rate picked-up and your legs threatened to stay frozen to the ground as you watched Kwang hold his hand out to pull you to stand next to him.

You didn’t know how to say ‘no’. The protests bubbled up and every fiber of your body screamed in revulsion but you couldn’t speak. You just stood there.

‘Sorry, Yuna.’ A new voice said from behind you, as you felt a tap on the side of your shoulder. ‘Y/n promised me a dance.’

The controversy surrounding Huru was enough for you to decline. It would upset almost every single band member, not to mention your husband. But at this moment, right now, he was saving you by being the lesser of two evils.

You shrugged and made a ‘what are ya gonna do’ face before taking Huru’s hand. Mentally batting away the disapproval in Yoongi’s menacing gaze, you called over your shoulder as you escaped. ‘We’ll do our pictures last.’

You noted that Huru’s hand was cold. Not nervous or clammy, not showing a hint of nervousness. If he really had a crush on you, he would have the opposite reaction right?

‘Lighten up, y/n,’ Huru whispered in your ear, as he led you through a makeshift version of the waltz. ‘It’s just one dance.’

‘I haven’t said anything yet.’ You rebuffed his comment, not wanting to admit that you were just using him to get away.

He did his version of a smile, something so small, barely a hint on his lips, that it wouldn’t be caught unless you really paid attention.

‘Your body language tells me all I need to know.’ He led your body into a twirl, and loosened his hold on your arms after stabilizing you. ‘I just wanted to give you a quick save. You can leave when you want to.’

You looked up at him, his blank expression betraying nothing. Because you were nice, because you didn’t want to hurt him and because you didn’t want to seem unreasonable, you slid your hands around his neck. As a result he tucked you closer.

‘I take it,’ he started after a few seconds of silence,’ that you’re not very happy with me.’

Oh so he was going there. ‘That depends… are you going to confirm the rumors I’ve been hearing?’

‘That would depend on what you’ve heard… and from whom.’

His acerbic tone didn’t sit well with you. ‘Okay, cut it out.’ You said in the most polite tone you could muster. ‘Talking in riddles, reading between the lines, putting up a front…‘ you shook your head, ‘we don’t do that. So tell me what’s going on. Do you actually have a crush on me?’

It was hard to keep eye contact when you felt this much discomfort. And not in the sense that he could do something bad to you, more so the fact that if you said the wrong words or did the wrong thing, you didn’t want to be in a position where you would have led him on. Unintentionally or not.

‘Full disclosure?’ He looked down at you, his pace slow and his eyes hard, as if warning you that there was no going back after you made your choice.

You waited, as you both stared each other down in a way that would have your husband fuming, if he wasn’t already.

Huru sighed, finally giving in first. ‘Who wouldn’t be attracted to you, y/n?’

You swallowed against the distaste of his admission. ‘That’s not flattering.’

Huru’s eye twitched at your choice of words. ‘How is it not?’

‘It’s perturbing.’ You glared at him, willing yourself not to step out of his arms. Once you did, the matter would drag, escalate and just make it fucking awkward when he had to be with you almost all hours of the day until Yoshi was back.

‘What’s the big deal, y/n?’ He openly scowls. ‘You’re smart, beautiful. You have an infectious energy that introduces itself before you do. And to the people that truly know you, the y/n without her so called mask of ice…’ his brows pinched together as if he battled with the new development himself, ‘you’re quite… captivating.’

Beautiful and smart were common words. You could call a flower beautiful. You could call a monkey smart. It was words like ‘infectious energy’, and ‘captivating’ that caught your attention and penetrated your defenses. But you wouldn’t budge for measly words either. If he said it as a friend, as an acquaintance or even as an honest compliment with good intentions, it would have made all the difference. Because now, they felt wrong, such grand words made you want to cover your ears. ‘You’re making me uncomfortable.’ You admitted through clenched teeth.

‘You wanted me to be honest.’ He stares at you with a pinched expression. It was the first very real, very annoyed reaction that irked you. For once you wouldn’t mind if he kept his robot face on.

‘Yes, I know. Thank you.’ You rush out. ‘For your honesty.’ You dropped your gaze. ‘But now, the only way forward is to create a bit of distance so you can… work on those…’ you felt your brows furrow, the anxiety in the pit of your stomach bordering on overdrive, ‘feelings.’

His fingers clenched slightly on your arms. The hold wasn’t a painful one, so you let it slide. ‘What are you trying to say?’

You raised your head again to make eye contact. ‘Maybe it’s not such a good idea for you to take over Kenta’s position.’

‘I can handle myself.’ There was a hard finality in his tone.

‘This isn’t high school, Huru. We don’t need to be friends and we don’t need to know each other.’ Definitely not at the expense of your family, not to mention your husband.

‘I haven’t asked you for anything.’ He looked at you incredulously. ‘I haven’t done anything to warrant your decision. And you do not have to trust me when I say I do not go after married women, but regardless of my line of work, I actually have some morals.’

‘I don’t want to lead you on.’ You gave him a pointed look, because such a thing was inevitable. ‘I don’t want to have to feel too conscious of myself around you, what I say, what I do…’ you huffed in exasperation. ‘You see the way I am around Kenta, Yoshi, even Zwahn, Yeon, Xan… we hug when we greet, and they have to hold onto me in crowds, steer me away, grab me when the situation requires it. Do you see why this will be hard for you?’ Do you understand how uncomfortable it would be for me?

He frowns and his tone is clipped when he finally lets loose on whatever he’d been holding back. ‘So Hoseok can get the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t?’

You had the sudden urge to slap him. Hobi was yours. No one, not even Namjoon, questioned your dynamic with Hobi. He cleared the air, sure, but he was never disrespectful enough to compare. ‘Do not compare yourself to anyone in my family.’ You stepped out of his grasp. ‘We’re done here.’

‘Wait, y/n. I was out of line.’ He held onto your elbow, just as you turned to walk away. ‘I apologize.’ He drops his head and his shoulders sag. ‘The last thing I want to do is upset you. I’m sorry.’ He searched your face. ‘But the issue remains that you need a head of security. Immediately.’

From the corner of your eye you could see both Namjoon and Jin converge. You held up your hand to both of them to imply you had it handled, but they didn’t stop their approach.

‘Mind if I cut in.’ Jungkook appeared out of nowhere and took the hand that Huru had in his grasp.

Jungkook easily got his way when he motioned to his hyungs with his eyes, effectively stopping them in their tracks and giving Huru the heads up.

Huru bowed out meekly to avoid an altercation when he glanced at them and back, but not before a few last words. ‘I will be here, y/n. Until Yoshi gets better. My contract is already in place. As for me, my feelings, though real, are mine to deal with. Don’t base my work ethic on my personal feelings. I certainly won’t let them get in the way.’ He offered a gracious nod to Jungkook and left the dance-floor without another word.

On another day, in another setting, more than a few words from Huru would be refreshing – you’d even take it in stride. But he was embarrassed and you felt bad that he was feeling embarrassed and the whole conversation paved a way to something unwelcome and unnecessary. It was a new set of balls to juggle and you were the clown stuck with the task.

You went easily into Jungkook’s embrace. He tugged lightly at your hand, tucking you closer in an attempt to comfort you.

‘Are they mad?’ You whispered into his shoulder, referring to Namjoon and Jin considering he had a clear view of the two.

‘Absolutely pissed.’ You sighed and you felt his jawline against your forehead. ‘Figured I’d rather save you, before they got here.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Anytime.’

‘So… who’s got your camera?’ You attempted to fill the silence.

‘Tae hyung. Although I have a feeling I might find more pictures of him within the time-frame that he has it.’

You chuckled lightly. That was true. Taehyung knew all too well how handsome he was.

‘Are you okay? That seemed to be a pretty intense discussion.’

‘I am now.’ You closed your eyes and swayed to the slow music, and actually felt how much easier it was to breath when you were held by someone that knew their limitations and had no expectations and just fucking cared just because.

You opened your eyes when a reiteration of the last few minutes reeled through your mind. ‘Kook,’ You pulled back and pinched your eyebrows together. ‘Why did you signal him about your hyungs coming over?’

His lip curled in a half-smile. ‘Executing the plan, Noona.’

‘Exactly, what… plan is that?’

Jungkook bent his head to whisper in your ear. ‘The one where we find out exactly what Huru wants from you.’

You gave him a look of utter confusion. 'What are you talking about?'

'Think about it,' Jungkook matched the music and you followed his lead as he explained. 'He's known Ken for a long time now, and Yuna by association. And only now, you're coming face to face with him, when you've also been a better part of their lives.' He shrugged. 'It's just a bit weird that he'd put in the effort that he is. According to Kenta and Yeon he's a loner, always has been. He does a job and moves out when it's complete. But now he's here, he's actually staying in Seoul indefinitely. Then he wants to be closer to Kenta, tries to be nice to us but that backfired and now he wants in on whatever gig you have going on.' Jungkook bit at his piercing absently. 'I'm just saying, if you're such a recluse, and you want nothing to do with the drama of the world, why would you want any association with a high-profile idol’s wife, and by default, a band that's in the literal center of media attention.'

You followed his words and you couldn't deny that Jungkook was making sense. 'But this is all speculation.' Your halfhearted attempt to nip the situation in the bud went nowhere.

'Exactly.' Jungkook nodded. 'It's speculation. And that's fair, if he wants to change his lifestyle, have a change of scenery, and all of those wonderfully human-like things, by all means it's possible. If that's the case, there's obviously nothing to worry about. But… ' His hold on your palm tightened a little to make you look up at him. 'If we're wrong about this, we'd rather be one step ahead of him.'

You arched an eyebrow. 'And you've taken it on yourself to do this.'

He shot you a cocky smirk. 'I'm the youngest, the most flexible one, I can look up at him like he lights up the sky with fireworks and he'd be none the wiser.'

‘So that was for show?’ You referred to when he got Huru to back off before his hyungs got involved.

‘Uh huh.’ He agreed, his pride resonating through in the simple sound. ‘He needs to have an ally. I play nice. I make friends with him. And I help figure out his angle.’ He iterated his plan in a few short words, slapping on the end for good measure. ‘Kenta and I have an agreement.’

A sense of foreboding prickled at your neck. Sure, you and Huru played nice and you took pride in chiseling out his stoney features, until he started making it more… but you weren't naive.

The PI was capable of who knows what, probably ruthless and unforgiving… you frowned at the idea of Jungkook playing games.

‘That’s not comforting in the least. Kook-ah…’ you started and had to pause to find the right words. ‘The things they do, Kenta and the team… Huru for that matter… what they’ve seen…' You purse your lips, trying not to put a dent in Jungkook's confidence in his abilities, but still wanting to protect him. 'It’s dangerous to play games with someone like Huru. I mean, God knows what he’s done for Kenta of all people to be weary of him. We can’t risk you getting hurt.’ You especially couldn’t risk him getting hurt.

‘Relax. I won’t do anything reckless, I promise.’

Okay, Plan B. ‘Do your hyungs know about this?’

‘No,’ he remained surprisingly calm, ’and you can’t tell them either.’

You raised a brow at his tone, before he clarified further. ‘They need to believe it’s real. Huru is perceptive. And I think if they have genuine reactions, it would give him the right idea.’

Smart. ‘Your hyungs are going to have an aneurysm.’ The joke tumbled from your mouth before you could stop it. Too late you realized a joke would make what he was doing some version of ‘okay’ when it really wasn’t. ‘Don’t go through with it, Kook. It’s going to cause a rift between your hyungs and yourself.’

‘I’m doing it for our family. I’m just making friends with him, Noona. You matter. And Namjoon hyung matters.’ He clicks his tongue before a strangled sentence passes between his lips. ‘We cannot go through this shit again. Especially not because of another man.’

You wince at his words. Relax y/n, he didn’t mean it like that. He was not questioning your loyalty or your morals. You understood what he was trying to say, but it still stung.

His features softened. 'I don't mean it like that, Noona. I trust you. I do. But I need to do this.’ His eyes plead with you, and he adds to it with his next words. ‘I'm only going to get close to him. Texting. Maybe meet-ups at the gym. Asking for advice. Nothing over the top. Nothing unnecessary.' He blew out a puff of air. 'Please let me do this.’

It was a no-brainer. Your head didn’t even consider arguing with your heart. You were a sucker. The man in front of you could commit murder and you’d find a way to make it go away.

‘Jungkook I swear,’ you pointed a finger at him, ‘if I find you scaling buildings or sneaking out or even remotely putting your freaking pinky finger in danger, I’ll –’ you stopped mid breath. What could you possibly threaten him with? ‘I’ll shave your head bald!’

Jungkook pursed his lips together to keep from laughing.

‘I am so serious!’

He broke out into a bunny smile, his laugh following suit. ‘Okay. No recklessness. No unnecessary risks. And yes, whatever information I find, I’ll pass along to you as well.’

You raise your pinky, wishing your resolve didn’t crumble, and hoping to all hell you weren’t making a mistake.

He folds his pinky around yours, his jaw set and his face a mask of seriousness. ‘I promise.’

You willed him to keep his promise. You needed him to keep his promise. Because if something, God forbid, happened to Jungkook, it wouldn’t be about Namjoon or the band being angry, it wouldn’t be about the betrayal of you knowing and giving the go ahead, it wouldn’t be about ever forgiving you for it either – it would be your guilt that would eat you alive, if Jungkook ever got hurt and you could have done something about it.

—-------

When you ended your dance with Jungkook, you were passed over to a very pissed off Seokjin, who, after a long and arduous lecture, handed you over to the open arms of your husband.

You didn’t like being scolded, even if you deserved it. But you hated making Namjoon upset all the more.

He hadn’t spoken a word to you yet and you were on the second song. His arms encased your body until your breasts were flush against him and you wrapped your hands around his neck, your fingers clutching to the hair on his nape.

‘Don’t be mad,’ you said so softly. His frustration was a stark thing that crackled between you and you had to wonder if he even heard you speak.

It was anxiety inducing. Not in the sense that he would ever leave you over something so trivial, but to destabilize the bond you both had solidified not less than an hour ago, it made you feel like shit.

And it’s not like you meant to go off with Huru or have an intense argument or even push anyone's boundaries for the hell of it. It was either Kwang or Huru and at least Huru didn’t make you want to hide. That childish feeling to hide behind someone, make yourself look small and unseen, all but disappear from the one person you didn’t want to be reminded that you existed. All so as not to cause a ripple in the still waters you worked so hard to keep from high tide.

You hid your face in his shoulder. ‘Please don’t be mad at me.’

'You did exactly the opposite of what I told you to do!' You jumped slightly as Namjoon pulled back and glowered at you. He kept his voice down but it was no less forceful.

'I didn't want to go stand next to Kwang for pictures.' You scrunch your face, wishing more than anything that Kwang would leave. 'He offered an opening and I took it.' You gnashed your teeth, as you felt a flicker of irritation from being startled. You consciously had to work to be calm and not snap at him. 'It was just a dance, Namjoon. And I had a chance to clarify a few things.'

'He touched you. He had no right to touch you or force you into any situation.' The bite in his tone was really starting to piss you off.

'Kenta has also held me back to talk, so has Yeon, so has any of the guys, it wasn't hurtful, he wasn't trying to hurt me or force me.'

'I trust Kenta. I trust Yeon, Xan, Zwahn, my brothers, even Ji-ho I trust to some extent, but I do not fucking trust him! Just fucking get rid of him.'

You blinked up at him.

‘Or do you want me to do it for you?’

You felt the stab of his anger, as your own threatened to lash out, but you bit the inside of your cheek. ‘Don’t talk to me like that.’ You said softly. ‘And don’t threaten me.’ You stuck your nose in the air. ‘The day you get to fire any individual working for me is the day I start making decisions for your music career.’

Namjoon glared at you, the implication of your choice of words resonating loud and clear. But you wouldn’t back down.

You let out a low sigh of relief when his tense shoulders relaxed slightly and he finally realized how illogical he was being. ‘I don’t like feeling like this, y/n.’ Namjoon's voice was taut as he leaned in to speak into your hair. ‘I know. I know you’re defiant and stubborn, but… you wouldn’t choose to hurt me.’ He pulled back so you looked up at him and touched his forehead to yours. ‘I just hate that he wants you. And don’t tell me he doesn’t want you.’ You could hear him mutter under his breath. ‘I fucking hate the idea of anyone falling for you the way I have. And I don't want him fucking touching you.'

You tightened your hold on him. ‘Namjoon… ’ you started, grasping blindly for words that could make this better. The very idea that he could lose you would be a living nightmare for the rest of his life if he didn’t get a handle on it.

‘What did the fucker even have to say?’ He spoke before you could even try to comfort him, effectively making you retreat into a shell you would usually never need to have around him.

'Baby, look at me,' you tilted your head to the side as your anger dissipated. The tumultuous emotion replaced itself with a sense of trepidation. 'He's not a threat to you, Namjoon. He never was. And he can't hurt me.' At least, after your discussion with Jungkook, you hoped he couldn't.

Namjoon's jaw set. He saw straight through your ruse to reassure him. 'Tell me.'

You dropped your gaze. A sense of unease curled up your back, and crossed both your shoulders, for once you wished you could lie to Namjoon, just to keep the peace. But a bigger part of you knew it would haunt you, even if this was something you could handle, even if his fears were irrational. ‘He said I was captivating.’

Namjoon tensed up under your arms. ‘But he also said that I do need a head of security, and that he will behave.’ You sighed, the heaviness in your chest a bit too much to handle. ‘He wouldn’t let his personal feelings get in the way.’

When you looked up at Namjoon his face, he looked at you like you were stupid.

You glared back. ‘I already asked him to reconsider.’

Namjoon scoffed. ‘As if he would.’

‘No, but he’s right. And it will not be permanent. He’s being…’ you winced as you continued to defend a man you had no business defending, ‘... mature about it.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ His voice was deceptively soft, a dark glint in his eye every indication that he was everything but calm.

'His contract is already in place.'

Namjoon huffed, and the cold laugh that was very unlike him made your hair stand on end.

‘Don't fuck with me, y/n. He’s admitted that he wants to get into your panties, in colorful words might I add, and you’re still going to employ him.’ Namjoon wasn’t attacking you. He was doing that logical, cold Namjoon thing, where his tone made you question your own choices and your own thinking and it hit too close to home with your father fresh at the back of your mind.

‘Can you just fucking trust me?’ You hissed, not taking kindly to his crude words. ‘I’ll work on not visiting any bars, if that makes you feel any better.’

The words left your mouth as an outlet to a stream of pent up frustration. Despite your need to defend yourself, you regretted them instantly. You screwed your eyes shut and wished to take them back, but you couldn’t.

Blowing out a breath of air, you inhaled and exhaled twice, before you looked back up at Namjoon, who averted his eyes instantly. ‘I’m sorry.’ You licked your lip. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

Your heart fell as he shook his head. ‘Not like I didn’t deserve it.’ You remained silent. You didn’t want him to think you would always bring it up and throw it in his face, you were not like that. You wouldn’t purposely hurt him. But the double standard was pissing you off, even if he was justified in being weary about the situation and the individual involved. Some part of you wanted to repeat the apology, reiterate that you didn’t mean it in the way it came out and beg to make it better so the renewed rift didn’t last, and another part of you wanted to hold your tongue, because what good would it do if he couldn’t see past his bout of jealousy.

He huffed after a couple of seconds. ‘What are we doing? What am I doing?’ His face screwed up in distaste as he exclaimed. ‘Fuck!’

‘Hey, hey,’ you stood up on your tiptoes and cradled his face in your palms. ‘It’s okay.’ You couldn’t help comforting him – you loved him.

‘No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking to you like that.’ His voice was tight, his usually kept together facade crumbled in front of you. ‘I know you. I'd like to think I know you better than you know yourself.’ Heated whispers against your lips. ‘And yeah, I don’t trust him, and I know he’s good at his job. I know that, but I can’t stand him.' His expression hardened. 'Above all, I know you wouldn't… I know he doesn't have a chance, but I just… I don’t know,’ he motioned with his hand, grasping for the right words. ‘… I'd rather you not entertain his bullshit, and this probably isn't even the half of –,'

‘It’s okay to be scared.’ You cut off his rant. 'While he's here those fears you feel are justified.’ You lifted yourself up to peck his jawline. ‘But you need to trust me to handle this. I will be safe and I will be vigilant and I will be cautious around him.'

Sometimes you could curse your ability to understand this beautiful man the way you did. Because your fears were on par with his, it was exactly what you were both afraid of – losing each other. To anyone. To anything.

‘I’m yours, Namjoon.’ You let him feel the bite of your nails back at his nape. ‘Well and truly yours.’ You would repeat the words as many times as he needed you to. ‘Even if someone loves me, even if someone likes me, even if they have a crush on me, no matter who they are, they will never be Kim Namjoon.’ You caressed his bottom lip with yours. ‘I will never stop loving you, Namjoon.’ You shook your head against the ringing confession. ‘I know I will love you, with everything I have and all that I am, until there’s nothing left of me. No one changes that. No one.’

When you sit back on your heels, his eyes bore into yours. And something altogether different passed between you. Fears. Insecurities. Cheating. Obsessive fans. They didn’t hold a candle to this man, this moment, the emotions swirling between you two; a tender violence that both strangled and breathed life into the necessary longing that you needed each other, more than you would ever admit, and more than you could ever imagine.

Namjoon’s face ingrained in every thought, his name behind every word you spoke out loud, his existence in the air you breathed. He was yours. And you were his and denying it would be as futile as counting the drops of water in the Namsan river.

He presses his lips together before he speaks again. ‘Will you ever forgive yourself?’ Your heart stops as his voice cracks on the raw sentence. ‘Can you forgive yourself for staying with a man that let you, for even one second believe, that you were not enough.’ His nostrils flared, as if the idea of it made him angry, but he couldn’t help himself or choose the alternative. ‘You have options, y/n. Asshole over there is one of them. But you stayed.' He brought your hand to his heart, and you felt the beat under your palm. 'You stayed for me.’

Your muscles lock at his words, not wanting to face the truth about yourself, but also knowing you were not coward enough to walk away from them. It was real, raw, something only Namjoon would dare ask you.

‘You know you deserve better. You know you should have walked away.’ His jawline is more pronounced at his declaration, it makes him all the more handsome. He really was so sexy when he was mad. ‘You are strong, y/n, to give me a chance, to stay and rebuild us knowing it won’t be easy. You’re so fucking strong. ‘ His fingers hold onto you in a bruising grip, keeping you from any distraction, needing you to listen to him, also for him to be sure that he could still hold you, feel you there as he battled himself with the answer to a question he already knew. ‘And I know you say you will not have regrets… of course if you do, we can deal with it then. And so help me God, if another man tries, especially that prick. But as you choose to stay….’ His jaw ticks and he does that tongue in cheek thing you find so hot ‘… do you think… you can ever… forgive yourself?’

You blinked against the rush of emotion behind your eyes, willing yourself not to look away as you answered. ‘I will. Someday.’

You would not lie to him, it would be as unjust as lying to yourself.

‘But for now, I prefer to think that I was designed to love you.’ There’s a lump in your throat that doesn’t make it hard to speak, just… it was just… a lot. ‘Call me crazy, but I can’t get enough. I can’t stay mad.’ Your voice drops to a whisper. ‘I can’t give you up.’

A tear slides down your cheek, showing him exactly how deep it went. ‘Don’t do it again.’ The plea comes from a part of you, you wished to never see the light of day. But he opened the dam, so he would just have to deal with it.

How this conversation had taken a turn or how your anger and irritation turned into you being pliant and honest and open, you didn’t know – but here you were, handing Namjoon your heart without reservation. ‘This second chance,’ you let him see your anger as well, ‘it’s not for the same mistake.’

He repeated the promise he’d made at least twice before. ‘Never,’ he touched his forehead to yours and you closed your eyes against the second set of tears that threatened to spill over. ‘Never again.’

Namjoon’s arms cradled you against his chest and your hands wrapped around him instinctively. His scent, his warmth – all of it, so freaking Namjoon. ‘I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, y/n.’ His chin rests on your head and somehow you know he’s smiling, even if it's a sad one. ‘You’re still the biggest mystery of my life, y/n. A book full of words I want to read, a galaxy of stars I won’t stop looking at. I want to find you when you are lost and figure you out and hold you. Dammit, I want to hold you and be your ground, so when you fall you know you can’t fall anymore. I’m going to do more. I’m going to be better. I promise.’

He hugged you to him. 'And I swear I will fucking punch him in the face as many times as I need to for him to get the message. I don't care what he does, who he is, which part of his body he hides his gun, I don't give a fuck, if he touches you again, if he even tries something –,'

You stood up on your tiptoes to kiss him. It was a light kiss, a little more than a peck, if anything it was a promise. 'Yours, Kim Namjoon.' You whispered against his lips and wrapped your arms around his waist.

'Mine.' The declaration was a deep rumble from his chest. His nose danced across your cheek and you held back your smile. Your husband was a big goofball.

As you found some sort of solace in his arms, you were hit with a stunning realization. Love wouldn't save you. Not always. When a bond was littered with everything real, two people that understood what it was, how much hurt it entailed, would have every reason to believe in love and know it wasn't everything… but still fight with everything they had.

Money wouldn't last. Pieces of paper, easily breakable, burnable, easy to use.

Attention would fade. Even the best of people needed a break from each other, separate beds and separate lives. Looks weren't even in the running. They were an added bonus. But with time, they held nothing.

If it were based solely on emotion… love was up and down, less and more, a rainy night now a sunny day tomorrow. Love colored a bond – it was between the two people it existed for, to uphold it.

Yes, you felt… but it was also a choice. Namjoon was your love and your choice.

And you chose as such, because you realized that you have to let the people that love you… love you – even if it provides an opportunity for the greatest of pains, even if parts of you were ripped away, parts that now belonged to him where you were more him than you, you had to love… even if it would devastate you beyond anything you could ever hope to recover from.

Taglist - @casnextdoor @jaysdimples @belliebelle @pinkcherrybombs @sweetjellyfishland @blushingatyou @jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue @somewhereinthestarss @k-brownsugar @namsona17 @taejinxkoya @notsooperfect @zae007live @its-hopes-world @shina913 @bri-mal @piecesofapril11 @kissme-ornot @toriluvsfics @agustdmwah @lochness-butmakeitsexy @petalsofink @definetlythinkimanalien @masterpiecejoonie @gcintia @danietoww04 @roguesthetic @rjsmochii @amymikaelson @hello-kittyy @mschievous247 @onlythehobi @deliciousdetectivestranger @daddypkj @callmemadhatter @rkivecenter @codeinebelle @creolesoul2seoul @nochelunaxx @serendididy [closed]

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Part 29.5 - Retriggered

Part 30 - Finale [N]

Part 30 - Finale [E]

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elmoshipsbyler · 1 year

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i just had this horrible realization that one day, stranger things will end, the show will die down, and that that means that byler fics on ao3 are gonna die down too

like, obviously- fandoms come and go, and that’s normal. but every fandom i’ve joined has changed a part of me, and ao3/fanfiction has always been my way of expressing that

i read fics when i’m upset, when i’m bored, when i’m happy, when i’m hyperfixated on something. it’s a part of my routine. i write fics to be creative, to let out emotions, to talk myself through ideas, to try new things. i use fics to connect with friends

and every time a fandom dies down, when fics stop being uploaded, it feels like that part of my life died down too

right now, i could probably bring up stranger things to most people and they’d at least have something to say. but in 20 years, who knows if people are still gonna wanna talk about it with me. it doesn’t take long for a topic to go from relevant to annoying when people think you’re stuck in the past

i’ve been part of so many dead fandoms, or shows with practically no one talking about them. and it feels so lonely. something i’m watching could change my life, make me question everything and reevaluate the way i see the world. and there’s all these characters that i love, and no one is talking about them. i go on ao3 and there’ nothing. i’m on my own

some of the fandoms i used to be really interested in, like percy jackson, are still around. i can go back to it any time i want, and it’s still there. the people come and go, as always, but the heart of it is still alive. it never left, and neither have i, and all i have to do is open ao3 or go on tumblr

but for other fandoms, like this one taiwanese drama i watched in grade 8 with my best friend on an illegal streaming website- there’s no fandom for it. the show’s hype lasted about 2 months, people talked about it, and then moved on with their lives. but i’m still here. i’m still thinking about it, and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one still thinking about it. if i want to talk about theories i have, i can’t, because there’s no one to listen. there’s no fandom. there’s nothing on ao3. there’s barely anything on tumblr, apart from a few short posts made in, like, 2015. the only thing i can do is go back and watch the show, or talk about it with my grade 8 friend, because she’s the only person that i have. and even she doesn’t talk about it much, if at all, because she’s moved on like everyone else

and i’m scared of that happening with stranger things. if everyone moves on, i’ll have to move on too, because being all alone in a fandom feels so much worse than leaving it behind

i don’t think stranger things is gonna go away completely, because of how big it is. but it’s definitely gonna be a change when the show ends, and i don’t know what to expect. i don’t know what to prepare for

stranger things honestly changed my life, and as weird as it feels to say it, so did byler. both the show, but also byler, allowed me to see a part of myself on a screen, and made me rethink everything. even when the show ends, i’ll still have the perspective change it gave me, and i’ll still see world differently. i will always be carrying the show with me wherever i go

so the thought of everyone else moving on is terrifying

#stranger things #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #byler tumblr #ao3 #i will fight anyone who says fanfics aren’t important #even if you don’t read them they’re still so important for the people who do #and so are fandoms #the sense of community and having people who encourage your interests is so needed #also byler is the first time i’ve been so passionate about one specific topic that i wrote a whole ass 100 page essay on it #like how can i just move on from that

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zero-ek · 5 days

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A couple of live concerts and some thoughts on them

Howdy!

So there’s been a whole bunch of concerts i wanted to watch very close to one another these past 4 months or so, and originally i was just gonna post my reports as they went. But, due to my computer breaking down after the first one, and also not to spam the feeds of the handful of people who for some reason follow this blog, i figured I’d just wait it out and make it a very big post instead.

I wrote each of these a couple days after they aired, so it’s been very interesting to re-read these and look back stuff i wrote myself that isn't college assignments lol. I mention this often but I’ve got a very poor memory, so i tend to feel disconnected from stuff i did in the past when i see it, like, i have to tell myself “this was me, i wrote/made this” because i don’t remember doing it myself.

I don’t know why i haven’t thought of it after all this time but re-reading through these inspired me to start keeping a diary, if i can’t keep my memories in my brain, then paper will do it for me!

Anyhow, that’s enough about me for the time being. This first half be about the Vsinger side of things, while part two will be the utaite concerts, i will number in order if you wanna follow this chronologically though. Starting with:

1. RIM – NEUROMANCE II

It’s Mechi time!

I’m sorry but i absolutely love how RIM’s nickname (d)evolved into just “Mechi”, it’s so silly sounding i love it.

I really don’t talk about this enough but RIM is my favourite Kamitsubaki artist, like, i don’t know how to explain it, but after i think 2 years of listening to her the “i-found-a-new-artist-i like” euphoria still hasn’t worn off. New Romance is probably the closest thing to a perfect album that I’ve ever heard, none of the songs have gotten old to me even after so long.

That being said, i really haven’t been keeping up with what Kamitsubaki’s been doing ever since i think BudouKAF really, and by extension what RIM has been doing outside of her music releases. So although i was really excited for my first ever RIM solo live, I’m gonna be honest not knowing what the whole Sinka series was about did kinda threw me off a bit.

Also, something else that cut my hype short and that i will preemptively apologize for is that my computer decided it didn’t want to live anymore a couple days after the concert, so i had to make the draft of this post on my phone and by the time i got this thing back not only had most of my post-live excitement worn off already, but the whole situation made me very grumpy. So I’m really sorry if i don’t sound as excited as i should be but i guarantee you that i really did enjoy this live.

Anyways:

Fanfare!

I really didn’t expect it, since I’m much more a fan of her heavier, rock songs, but ever since this track came out on the Singularity Live album it’s been one of my most listened songs of hers for like the whole year. Something that i noticed a lot about New Romancer II is how blends Sasagawa Mao’s quintessential writing and melody phrases with the addictive pop beats, structures and overall structure of more modern J-Pop/Vocaloid music.

It’s like, New Romancer is the album you rock out to, and New Romancer II the album you’ll catch yourself humming to without realizing.

Also also, Cosmic Puppets! I’m so glad it still got one last stage appearance, it’s my favourite of RIM’s designs by far and i don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I’m sure the new one will grow on me but i don’t know, it just doesn’t scream RIM to me as much as this one does. (Future Zero here, the new one still hasn’t grown on me. Team Cosmic Puppets forever!)

Crybaby is my alarm clock, so i actually got a little jumpscared when it came up, lol, especially so early into the concert.

Also, massive appreciation for Kamitsubaki’s in-house engineer, i love how the live sound is massive, but each instrument is so cleanly separated from each other. I can only imagine how much it shakes you in person, which is to say Neuromance III better be a venue concert PIEDPIPER do you hear me she deserves it!!!!

Now for my single grievance with this concert, is that the simplified-for-live arrangements do take away a bit from the songs a bit. Now don’t get me wrong, i completely get why they do it, this is a 2 hour concert, the musicians need to conserve as much energy as possible. But at the same time, Sasagawa Mao has one of the best senses for rhythm sections that I’ve ever heard, and it’s hard not to feel kinda sad when you don’t get to hear it.

That is to say i really missed that drum groove on the second verse of “The Moon does not...” and I’m a bit salty about it.

First, i gotta say my compliments to Kamitsubaki’s 3d environment team, i do try to keep up with concert live reports when they come out, so i was aware that they were doing some really impressive stuff, but it’s even more impressive to see it for myself.

Also, i feel like the tracking is much better too, her movements look so much more fluid and her face much more expressive compared to like the Singularity live. It does not enter my mind how the heck they’re rendering this live.

I love when they do these little intros for songs it always gives me goosebumps when you catch on the rhythm and key and realize “oh it’s this song” right before the it hits.

Also i just complained about the whole live-ification thing but I’m already taking it back my jaw is on the floor at how much Pillow Talk and Neuromance sounded just like they where on the record, actually even better that i could pick each instrument apart. I’m sorry live band i should’ve never doubted you.

Honestly thought there wasn’t gonna be any MCs at all in this live lol girl breathe.

Also look it’s her original hairstyle!

Ok so this is the part where i gotta ask what the heck is going on, currently regretting not doing my homework on the Sinka series I’m so lost.

I love the idea of the discotheque, like just 10 minutes of her running around and vibing, honestly every concert should have something like that. Although i was kinda hoping I’d get to hear Mateki in full in this live but alas you can’t have everything in life.

It’s original outfit RIM!

Guiano!

I gotta be honest, they picked the songs from “Imagine” i listen to the least, but it still always tickles my brain when i hear their voices in unison. Guiano’s lower tones are so clear, it’s almost uncanny how well his voice blends with RIM’s. I would love to hear them together in more harmonically diverse contexts, i bet it’d sound insane.

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One of the highlights of the live for me, Eloim was already one of my favourites from NRII, but i think it goes even harder with the live band, like it sounds so much more aggressive with the drum hits, the huge bass and the guitars, it actually got my heart jumping. I am soooooo thankful they put this one on Youtube.

Also also tell me i'm not the only one who thinks that the Counter Clockwise design looks very Gallifreyan.

It’s another Mechi!

Guiano’s “花鳥風月” (i don’t know how the Romaji for this one goes) is probably my favourite work of his ever, and it feels weirdly fulfilling to hear it with both RIM and RIME together, and with a full live band to boot, like, it feels like a natural conclusion to both of their versions of the song, i don’t know how to explain it well.

Also, i don’t know if this is the newer Voicepeak RIME, but i feel like she's tuned much better this time around compared to the Singularity Live.

The second highlight of the live for me, I’m not even sure why, but the visuals here were incredibly captivating, i adore how Kamitsubaki really uses their 3d environments to their fullest potential.

Also, again, how the heck are they rendering this live?

Now to probably the thing that stuck with me the most on this concert.... the talking bit!

So during her last MC she spoke about a lot of stuff from the past 2 years since the first Neuromance, she mainly focused on the topic of plurality, elaborating about people’s perception of her as a Vsinger and how that led her to encounter people very opinionated on it in either direction, and that eventually she came to accept that people are entitled to their own likes and dislikes, and free to be vocal about it, it’s simply a part of life and the human experience.

But something that she spoke that hit me the most was about how much the world had not only changed in these past couple of years since COVID, but it started to move a lot faster than you can sometimes keep up with, this is something that i do struggle with quite a bit. I mention this a lot but i don’t have a really good memory ever since i was like 17 or so, not that it’s deteriorating or anything (i don’t have any diagnoses, really) it’s just that i have a harder time recalling specific things than the average person does.

How this relates to what RIM talked about is that 2020 and early 2021 are particularly blank for me, like, they're particularly hard to recall. A lot of things that i know happened to me in that time period comes from me inferring that it must’ve happened sometime there from like dates and stuff instead of actually recalling how it played out, i imagine because of lockdown and being stuck in one place doing the same things over and over for a whole year. I try to be unbothered by it but it can be very hard to ignore the fact that a sizable chunk of my life is just missing.

It goes without saying but that really messes with how you situate yourself in the world, especially considering said world hasn’t been in its best shape since then. I manage, honestly pretty well all things considered, but it’s kinda what i imagine being held back a year in school feels like, not only you’re not up to date with what you should’ve, but you’re also struggling to catch up with your own life and just growing up, i know that it’s a common sentiment, especially for us zoomers, to still feel like a teenager while only your body matures, but i feel like for me it’s a little more literal than I’d like.

Speaking of this generation, i think that’s exactly why I’ve been thinking about it so much, RIM is i think only one or two years older than me, and... i don’t know, something about this girl i admire on the other side of the world, in a country totally culturally different than mine, standing in this million-dollar studio, looking directly at me and bringing up something that hits so close to home gave me a sort of weird reality check, like it’s a sign of some sort that i really ought to think about it more.

God dang it i can’t seem to escape the existential dread not even in Vsinger concerts, anyways, for the ending

She then proceeds to sing Eons Whispered after all that talk, i don’t even know what to say because i feel like my mind was somewhere else entirely during this last bit.

Honestly I’m actually kinda glad this was my first live RIM experience, i looked at the setlist for the first Neuromance after this and as much as i liked the album that came with it, i feel like i got a lot more out of this live than i would’ve from the first one, with having the back and forth between songs from both albums, which as i mentioned, are very sonically distinct.

Although i will say, as much as i love the Kamicity 3D visuals, RIM is definitely one of those singers whose energy gets wasted on virtual concerts. I see some people call her a “gyaru” and i tend to agree, her stage presence just demands a crowd to keep up with her. I know she’ll be at the Yoyogi wars (which i unfortunately won’t be able to watch) but i really feel like she could absolutely own a One Man live by herself. Here’s hoping that comes true sooner than later.

2. SorAZ – First Gravity

I’m really not sure how to start this...

I really feel like i need to preface this but AZKi is probably my single favourite person on this entire planet, like i sincerely and wholeheartedly love her to death, her songs and just her voice in general are irreplaceable to me and even just as a person overall i really look up to her. She hasn’t had a one-man live in i think three years, and it’s been even more time since she’s done one in an actual venue, with a real crowd to cheer her on, so i really need you to understand that i was counting the days until this concert ever since it was announced.

Unfortunately though, i just wasn’t in the headspace to enjoy this concert proper.

Everything for the past few weeks has been absolutely awful for me, my computer decided to break down and it needed a factory reset to get fixed, so i lost a lot of things that i couldn’t backup in time, then i got really sick for like a couple days to just sour my mood even more. But I’d actually gotten over that pretty quickly, i was feeling quite okay until i got served probably the single biggest punch in the gut in years that was Mel’s termination.

I made a post on my initial thoughts on it the day it happened, and i do know there’s been some developments since then, but overall my feelings haven’t changed all that much, that is to say, I’m still a huge mess. And as much as i adore AZKi i just haven’t been in the mood to look at Vstuff in general lately.

I had the ticket already though, so i thought maybe it’d help lift my spirits a lil bit.

(Oh yeah also I’m not sure why but the site says screenshots weren’t allowed, i know people were sharing them on Twitter anyways but i try to be a good girl around these parts. So I’ll use some assorted SorAZ pics instead)

I won’t go song for song, mainly because i feel very exhausted and i don’t feel like typing too much, but also, pretty much the entire setlist was from their new album, Futurity Step. I like that album, i saw someone say somewhere that they’re like “Hololive’s own ClariS” and a truer statement has never been said, it really feels just like a ClariS album. I grew up with ClariS, being a Madoka ChildTM, they were some of the first concerts i went out of my way to find and watch, i can’t really explain it in any way other than their songs take you into a world of fairy tales when you listen to them, it’s like a unique sort of bubbly, twinkly feeling, like I’m a Precure character or something, i don’t know if there’s a word for it. But the thing is, these aren’t usually the sort of songs that i prefer listening to when I’m feeling down, though, at least not as down as i am right now. I really did want to feel better and excited, but i physically couldn’t bring myself to.

Here’s some highlights i picked out after a couple rewatches.

I’d say Futari Destiny is my favourite song on the album, the melody lines feel the most satisfying to me, and i overall just love a song where the bass goes crazy. I could be just me but i feel like the live setting really helped pick their voices apart, plus, i feel like Sora’s voice sounds a lot sharper, and with a lot more lower harmonics when she sings live live, and that gap with AZKi’s lighter and breathier tone helped make their unison bits sound more interesting in texture.

Which by the way, is one of my few gripes with the album, a lot of their parts are mostly unison, and there isn’t a lot of more interesting vocal harmonies. Which is too bad because like listen to these girls, AZKi has the most beautiful falsetto on the face of the Earth, and Sora has as super cool low but piercing quality to her voice, like, songwriters, this is peak harmony material just waiting to be explored! Capitalize on it!

Sora cringing at their scripted MC lines was a mood, also i gotta say you wouldn’t believe that she’s entering her 7th year doing this, she was like a kid introducing themselves at a talent show. It was kinda endearing.

I think what everyone was looking forward to the most was seeing them in their concert dresses together, they made the most out of it but it’s really a shame that the venue’s stage couldn’t do it justice, i feel like songs like Kimi to Boku... weren’t as hype as they could’ve been with visuals that could match them. I gotta say, the harmonies in MAG-NET were pretty good though, again, i feel like you can appreciate it much more with the less polished nature of live vocals and all.

Probably the biggest highlight for me was “Gamen no Naka...” on AZKi’s solo part, which is a song that really grew on me hard, one because the drums are really awesome (god bless our lord and saviour Wataru Sena), and two, because even though the lyrics are very simplistic and straightforward, i don’t think they’ve ever been truer to me before. I don’t feel like going into detail, but i don’t think there’s any other song in the world that could more accurately describe how I’m feeling right now, towards AZKi, of course, but mainly towards Mel.

I sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that everything goes well for her.

I think i said this before but i think AZKi in her 4th design matches the Bright idol outfit the best out of everyone, but why is her angry face so weird lol.

Skipping to the end, this is probably what got me the most excited, AZKi’s has a one-man and album 3 in the works, which i have been hoping for literal years now, and now that the fanbase is bigger than ever before it does genuinely make me excited to see how far she can go. I know it’s probably daydreaming but i really think, with how much notoriety she’s gotten, that she could perform at like Tokyo Zepp or hell, even Toyosu Pit.

Although, being more realistic, i looked up the venue for Sora’s anni party they announced and it holds only like a couple hundred people, which is surprising, considering she’s, well, the Tokino Sora, but also, i was under the impression that having a label would allow her to go for something much bigger. It could be due to availability or even preference, maybe (i don’t really watch her so i don’t know), but as much as i want to dream big, I’ll try to keep my hopes in moderation for what AZKi has coming up.

All in all, i really wished i could’ve watched this in a better place mentally, like, even with the scuffs and the simple stage, i could tell that they poured all of their heart into their performances. I wholeheartedly wanted to be happier for AZKi, she really is at home on the stage, with an actual audience to interact with, it makes me feel terrible that i couldn’t cheer her on something that she’s probably been waiting so long to do, something that I’ve always wanted to see (minus the Hololive festivals, this is actually my first time seeing her live on a venue).

It’s probably just me drowning in melancholy at the moment, but right now all I’m really hoping for is that nothing goes wrong by the time her solo live comes up, for all i know she could get axed then and there and i don’t want to regret not cheering her own while i still had the chance.

5. Hololive 5th Fes – Capture the Moment

(No keyvis cause i reached the image limit...)

Man, in hindsight, it's pretty cringe, but i've been so negative for pretty much no reason for like the whole month leading up to this concert, yeah absolutely because of Mel, again.

I know that everything’s settled down already and to be fair i had mostly gotten over it myself. But like y’know, she was half the reason i was looking forward to watching this concert to begin with, so i feel that my grumpiness is valid, it’d be surprising if i didn’t get at least a little sulky over her not being there anymore.

I had tickets for the HoloHoney and Stage 3, since Mel is a massive Honeyworks fan, and AZKi was going to show up on both. But since I’ve gotten the HoloHoney ticket mainly for Mel, i decided to just skip the HoloHoney one entirely, it just wasn’t worth it for me anymore.

Oh, yeah, I’ll mainly only talk about AZKi (and Suisei) here because they’re the ones i actively follow. I mean no disrespect to the other girls, i just don’t really follow Holo as a whole.

I genuinely cannot shake the impression that AZKi wears the Bright design the absolute best out of everyone I’ve seen, the design just fits her silhouette so perfectly, and the pink highlights match her inner coloured hair beautifully.

I still don’t like "ωNeko" all that much, but i can’t be upset that it’s as popular as it is.

Honorable mention to Mumei’s “Mumei”, i have heard the song before, since it went around quite a bit, and i really liked it, so it was very nice to hear it live.

Another honorable mention to Roboco’s cover of “Boku ga Shinou...”, she’s one of the couple members that i check in on from time to time, she has this unique raspy quality about her singing voice that really tugs at the heartstrings.

Ok, so uh, let’s talk about it, the moment.

(can i just say i'm very proud of this shot they look divine here)

Something that i haven’t seen a lot of people mention is that for quite a while the idea of AZKi and Suisei reuniting seemed like something very unlikely, like, it’s a big part of the reason why it was such of a big deal when AZKi showed up on Suisei’s 500k milestone live (i mean, i remember it, that's really something). By then, it had been a pretty long time since Suisei left INNK (looking it up, it was apparently almost a whole year later), which is pretty universally understood to have been a very rough time for her, so it didn’t seem by that point that they’d ever get together again, i think gen 0 wasn’t a thing yet back then, and AZKi was still pretty much music only as opposed to the more streamer Suisei.

“The Last Frontier” was also extremely heavy hitting when it came out, since just a couple months prior we had learned that AZKi would’ve originally graduated, and as Suisei herself pointed out, it was very much a Swan Song for her. It would’ve pretty much marked the end of their story, and as much of a banger that this song is, it wouldn’t have been a satisfying one at all. Even after they reconnected, they didn’t really get together much at all, AZKi still being separated from everyone else in INNK, it would’ve been not only the last, but one of the only things these two did together.

(Also also can i just say that it goes extremely underappreciated that AZKi wrote pretty much the whole song? Like, she does lyrics pretty often, but it’s rarer that she actually does the arrangement too, and then she cooks some of the hardest songs to ever grace this planet how frickin awesome is that????)

They sang this song live twice before, and have gotten together a whole lot more since AZKi joined Hololive proper. But it was this moment, right here, that i think was the proper resolution for their whole saga. For AZKi, the song she wrote to someone she thought she couldn’t reach, performed as the grand finale of the festival, on the stage it deserves, that she deserves. And for Suisei, i feel like this was the moment to reach out to AZKi, even more so than their first reunion, to show that none of what they went through was in vain, and that she sees her, that she’s finally properly by her side now.

I could be and probably am wrong about this, but i personally have never seen or don't remember seeing AZKi openly cry before, in fact something that i simultaneously admired and worried about is that for as long as I’ve watched her, she doesn’t ever ”let her guard down”, like she takes breaks extremely rarely, and is always super smiley and in high spirits even things aren’t going super great.

So like, when i saw her actually break down like that, i couldn’t keep it together, i cried so. damn. hard, like genuinely ugly crying, bawling my eyes out and then some, to the point that i felt like a raisin that was left in the sun to dry some more for the whole day, i genuinely believe that i have 床’d the hardest out of any Pioneer alive (fight me Iroha). It was very cathartic tho i do recommend it especially if you’ve been bottling up feelings tangentially related to it and have been grumpy about it for the week.

AZKi is probably the best thing that’s happened to me in these past 5 years, like, i think at this point i can say that she’s a major part of my life and who i am now. There hasn’t been anyone else whose music touched me, comforted me whenever i needed, and inspired me to get on my feet and face life like her music did. There’s no one else who sings like she does, and nothing makes me happier to see her come as far as she did, somewhere that as recently as a year ago I’d never thought it’d be possible. It was just so extremely rewarding to see it, as clear and concrete as it can be, that she made it, that to keep going was the right decision, that she’s achieved something incredible, and that Suisei, the Pioneers, everyone, looks at her with pride.

I’m just so incredibly happy, i can’t put it into words, i couldn’t have asked for anything more.

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Watching back the MV after this live, i cannot even begin to tell you how much more complete and fulfilling it feels now. The two of them, looking for each other, but never meeting until the very end. Now, i think more than ever, the last part truly became real, the two of them holding hands, looking at the same sky.

Tonight, Canopus was the brightest star in the sky.

Continues in the next one

#kamitsubaki #RIM #hololive #AZKi #tokino sora #hoshimachi suisei

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