Tumgik
#but like wtf are you even using the app
inevitably-johnlocked · 8 months
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So Tumblr has apparently QUIETLY lessened the amount of links allowed on a post EVEN MORE than previously... Just found out while making this weekend's Fic Rec List, and I had to LITERALLY cut out half of the fics on the post, and it STILL wouldn't save, and that was after cutting out author links too!! This website is REALLY starting to turn into a place not welcoming for creatives and curators at ALL.
I used to EASILY put 50 fics to a list, author links and additional links (like Series, Podfics and Translations) included, and now I have to reduce that by half AND remove author links, so my guess is they reduced it even more to about 75 links per post? Fucking terrible.
I mean, great for me to have to make more posts for one topic now, but not really because I REALLY hate missing fics on primary lists when I know I have them. UGH.
Anyway, never hesitate to ask me for lists I've already recently done now, because apparently I have to cut all my lists.
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ruiiplume · 10 months
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So this week in unforgivable fuckery...
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disdaidal · 1 year
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I was hoping I could cheat Spotify into giving me a new 1-month Premium deal with another e-mail address because it worked so well the last time.
Unfortunately, it seems that they’ve gotten smarter. 🙄😪
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hugispuso-archive · 2 years
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top ten most feared messages to receive from your strict parent: "you're still awake?"
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catiuskaa · 3 months
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missed me, missed me, now you gotta...
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SUMMARY: minho wasn’t grumpy, nor he was jealous. but he hasn’t been the same ever since he fell in love with you.
REQUESTED! by a sweet annonie right here. pookie, your idea was lovely to write! lil grumpy minho, im melting… it’s a bit short, but I hope you like it! <3
CW: use of (crack) text messages to convey the plot, starring: han quokka as cupid + reader’s bsf, clingy minho as king of my heart, and ngl, type 1 diabetes fluff ahead. keep insulin shots close just in case! lol
WC: 1.1k
A/N: i love how i’m slowly turning into a minho blog/page lmaoo, only minho: the man, the myth, the legend!
[🪻☆🌫️☆🪻]
The same ringtone buzzed again during rehearsals. Its ding had sounded so many times already that it had started to get repetitive really quickly.
Minho frowned as he looked in the mirror, retouching his rolled sleeves just once more for what he secretly knew it had been more than twenty times. In the span of ten minutes. Maybe even less.
But Minho wasn’t ‘grumpy’.
He so wasn’t.
His day had been normal so far. He had no reason to be grumpy. Not one what-so-ever.
He had woken up in between your arms, and even if he had ‘complained’ about it, he loved being the little spoon. And also, his cats jumped on the bed and, just for once, none of them landed on his face.
There had been just one thing.
Well. Technically more than one.
You had rushed outside this morning. You claimed you didn’t have time to have breakfast with him, because you were late for something he didn’t really get. Because of that, you hadn’t come over to the JYP building with him. He had to drive over alone. And you hadn’t pecked him goodbye at the entrance like always.
But he. Wasn’t. Grumpy.
Not. At. All.
> sunggie: girl, did you hide his cats or smth?
< minho’s owner: lol, wdym dude?
> sunggie: he looks like he’s going to kill me.
> sunggie: And he loves me! Wtf??
“Jisung-ah.”
Han shrieked in his place in the sofa, his phone almost falling off his hands. He quickly turned it off, hoping that the grumpy dancer hadn’t seen the old or new messages.
“Who were you texting?” Minho frowned, deeper this time.
“Oh.” Jisung chuckled. “Just checking in on noona.”
“My girlfriend?” The way Minho enunciated the title felt a bit possesive. Jisung eyed at him weirdly for a second. Even he felt weird himself.
Jisung nodded sheepishly, turning his phone back on but quickly opening a random app.
“Yeah. I owed her a call back.” He shrugged, nonchalantly accepting that he had opened Subway Surfers, and started to play.
As the catchy music came from Han’s phone, Minho shook his head.
Not grumpy.
Not at all.
But the thought that you had been texting Han and didn’t text him —instead of him— did funny things in his chest.
Now, keep in mind that Minho would never describe himself as a jealous man.
He trusted you with his cats, of course he trusted you regarding your relationship. But he had barely got a hold of you all day. And Han had. By call and text. Like he was doing now.
Not grumpy.
Sure.
< minho’s owner: you dead yet?
Jisung groaned.
> sunggie: no! you made me lose my score!
> sunggie: and I don’t have any keys! ㅠㅠ
< minho’s owner: sucks to suck, lol
< minho’s owner: but what’s wrong with my future husband? did you do something?
> sunggie: he’s moody since he came in this morning.
> sunggie: you weren’t here tho. smth wrong between ya?
< minho’s owner: no…? just had to run to work early…
And then, something in Jisung’s paboracha brain connected. Probably because of how he had named your contact in his phone.
> sunggie: omg
< minho’s owner: what?
> sunggie: that corny dumbass
> sunggie: he’s so stupid
< minho’s owner: bitch what is it???
> sunggie: he’s moody bc u didn’t come in with him today!
You hesitated. Could that be it?
< minho’s owner: really? u think so?
> sunggie: bitch I know so!
> sunggie: imma go get boba for the boys, get your ass here and come w/ me
Jisung’s brain started to work at cupid’s speed.
< minho’s owner: omw. be there in 5’
“Guys, I’m gonna go get boba. Do any of you want something?”
The rest of the gang blabbered something while some kept going over the steps of the choreography and the others rested on the couch, doozing off or on their phones. Han quickly noted down everyone’s orders, not before being squinted down by Minho. He held back a shiver.
“Clingy prick…” Jisung mumbled, leaving quickly.
He walked out of the JYP building, waiving and half bowing to the staff members and other artists in the building.
< minho’s owner: just parked! ^^
Jisung entered the boba place next to the building, smiling at the cashier as he read down the orders on his note app, and stood aside, waiting for the drinks.
“Hey!” You smiled widely at him, taking off your scarf, merely leaving it hanging on your shoulders. He clapped your hand, playfully slapping your back.
“Working hard?” Jisung snickered, pointing at the bag on your other hand.
You side-eyed at him, giggling softly.
“Took some snacks before heading off.” You shrugged. “We can sneak these in, right?”
Jisung scratched the back of his neck. “We’ll… come up with something.”
You both struggled carrying the drinks, teasing each other and betting who’d make a mess first. But all giggles came to an end when the security guard stared at you.
“Name and business?” He asked in a low huff.
Your body stiffened.
“She’s my sister,” Han chimed back. You were in fact far from being his sister, but that didn’t matter when the guard seemed to nod. “She’s just helping me carry the drinks inside.”
“And the bag? What’s inside?”
You cleared your throat, smiling. “Clothes for him to change once he finishes training.” You lied.
Thank God for his imagination. And for his stupid idea of shoving your scarf and his hoodie into the bag of snacks.
“Ok. You may come in.” The guard smiled politely.
Only after the both of you had gotten into the elevator you allowed yourselves to let out a sight full of relief. You two then smirked, high-fiving.
“Thank you, bro.” You teased in a snicker.
He cackled. “You’re welcome, sis.”
You both laughed and joked until you reached the training room.
“The person you dream of is back!” Han cackled.
“Noona!” Felix grinned happily.
“Yeah, that’s me!” You cackled at Jisung’s faked frown.
You smiled and greeted everyone as you entered, leaving a certain bunny boy for last.
You sat next to him on the couch, and without missing a beat, he took your legs and layed them on his lap.
You took a sip of his drink, and he stared at you, almost with a squint.
“You’ve made me jealous of fucking Han Jisung.” He stated matter-o-factly, making you practically choke on the tapioka pearls.
You coughed. “What?”
“You texted him all evening. And me? Not even a good luck kiss this morning.”
“Aw, are you grumpy, kitten?” You grinned teasingly, speaking only towards him in a soft tone to his ear. You pecked his cheek.
He needed more of those.
Grumpy, huh?
“Yes. Very.” He mumbled, hiding his blushed and pleased grin in the crook of your neck. “Need more kisses.”
“Well, you know how it goes.” You mumbled in a snicker. He hummed at you, waiting for you to explain.
You kissed his forehead softly, his hands stroking your thighs.
“Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me.”
~Kats, who can write this in one sit, but can’t figure out how chemistry works (yes have exams, why did I choose this for myself, help)
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087710 · 1 year
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i fucked up my sp*tify so i no longer have premium & i think the only way to get it back is to make a new account and that's going to be auch a pain in the ass
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czascornertfs · 3 months
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Revenge: Jock Bro Style
"Whoa broski! WTF r u doin bro?!" The deep voice of one of the jocks echoed in the hallway.
"BROCK ANDERSON! You shut your mouth and move out the way, NOW!" Colin Foster, head of the English club of the neighboring college, shouted back. He had just come back from a tiring activity about writing some kind of novel, when he had the misfortune of bumping right into Brock Anderson: apparently the school's most feared and revered football players, hanging out with his small group of friends. He was just trying to visit an old friend of his, a fellow English teacher just a few floors up.
"Huhuh, sorry duude..." Brock responded, his deep bass voice resonating in Colin's ears. This irritated Colin more, as in the moment he felt as though he was being disrespected. They didn't even call him sir for crying out loud, he though to himself, as he felt his fury rise. "You absolute DIMWITS! I am at my wits end trying to just get through the day and burly asses decided to just block my way JUST TO TALK?!" Colin hurled more and more insults. He didn't even know why he was this angry at something so insignificant, but the day's stresses got the better of him.
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Pushing his way through the jocks, he was about to walk the other direction when Brock shouted. "HEY! You do not get to talk about us like that!" he spoke loudly and firmly, pointing his fingers in Colin's direction. Brock's friends stayed quiet behind him, the one beside him mockingly scrunching his "angry" face. Colin was taken aback by Brock's sudden proficiency in English, but he simply tutted, turned around, and walked briskly away from the jocks. Brock placed his hands down, and calmly walked away from his friends, opening his phone and dialing some number he found on the net. "I'd like to purchase one of your little games..."
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Night came, as Colin begrudgingly sat on his desk chair and turned on his laptop. It was time to grade yet another set of papers made by some of his students. It was nearing midnight when he finally yawned, placing his hands on his tired face. "God I'm turning 45 just round the corner...." he mumbled to himself. He thought back to the incident that happened earlier that day, and closed his eyes. He knew shouldn't have been that angry, and yet he still hated them. His type, the damn jocks. "Dumb lumbering pieces of meat", he thought to himself.
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Just then, a notification popped up. Opening it, he saw something which made his stomach drop.
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"...Brock?" He mumbled to himself. Rolling his eyes at the horrible typography and spelling, he begrudgingly nodded understandingly. Looking at the bottom, he saw a link to this "present". "Jockify. Some kinda' new workout app maybe? Could use a few of those." Colin chuckled to himself. He was known to be quite skinny. Clicking it, a file downloaded on his computer. After unzipping it, he clicked on the app and it began loading. As it did, something caught his eye. The appearance of the pop-up seemed...old. REALLY old. Windows XP old. "Jesus, is this a virus..." he groaned, tapping his fingers on his desk. Finally, the pop-up loaded.
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Colin gasped in shock as he flung himself backwards to his chair's backrest. First, what the hell was this "bro'd" thing and why the fuck did Brock send this. Second, this did NOT look like a typical Windows XP pop-up, or really any pop-up for that matter. Everything seemed wrong, and Colin sighed exhaustedly. "Goddammit Brock." he mumbled angrily. But as his cursor went over to close it, the cursor went haywire. Try as he might, he couldn't close the pop-up. He even tried the last resort, turning the laptop off and then on again. The pop-up was still there. He wanted to put this off for tomorrow, but he still had some papers left to go over. Slapping himself across the face, he pushed forward and clicked the underlined link below.
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*click*
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When it appeared, Colin immediately tried to close it. But he felt something tingling on his legs, arms, hands, neck-- it was everywhere. He immediately tried to scratch these parts, when the tingling turned into pain. His legs ballooned with lean muscle as he felt his pants shift. As the pants suddenly shredded themselves he felt his bulge vibrate and pulsate as his cock erupted forth from his groin. The pain sent Colin stand up immediately and went limping to the bathroom as he surveyed it. Standing fully erect and having grazed a table leg so hard it sent waves of orgasmic pleasure down his whole body, Colin looked down.
(Colin's cock)
"J-jesus fuck..." Colin whispered in overwhelming pleasure as his cock stood tall. Placing his hand next to it, he figured it was maybe a full 10 inches long. But the changes were only beginning. As he tried to limp back with his cock swinging between his legs, he fell onto the ground as more and more muscle rippled through his body. He felt his spine elongate and stretch, as did his bones, tendons, and everything in between. With a few ghastly pops and cracks, he groaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure, grasping his cock with one hand trying to contain himself. As his clothes shredded themselves, they seemed to have disappeared into thin air entirely. Colin was scared. And overwhelmingly horny.
(Colin's body)
After a few pained breaths, he slowly stood up, now a towering giant of 6 foot 10 inches. He walked over slowly back to the laptop, huffing carefully as he grasped his cock, which was now a full 12-inch long hunk of meat. "...g-gOD..." Colin mumbled, clutching at his throat in surprise at the deeper voice he now had. He wanted this nightmare to end, and desperately tried to close the pop-up. But instead, the cursor moved itself towards the link.
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*click*
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"SHIT! Oh god...p-please, no moOO-" Colin was barely able to complete his pleas of mercy when his feet burst through his socks. The pain was more tolerable this time, as he clenched his jaws the entire time his feet grew larger. What was then a US size 14 had grown into hunks of size 21 meat. "Meat. Meat. Meat.", the word swirled around in Colin's head, staring at his feet while laying down, still naked, on the floor. Pushed on by the caption in the pop-up, he slowly placed his nose near his feet and took a sniff. They smelled like old socks, much to his chagrin. At least it didn't smell that bad.
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Taking a few deep breaths, he went back to the laptop and placed his hands on the mouse. If Brock wanted to play dirty, he would at least try to not go down without a fight. He wanted to see what was at the end of this stupid "game".
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*click*
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As the pop-up appeared, a foul stench suddenly greeted his nose. Looking down, he saw that over his naked muscled bod were some new clothes. They all stunk. Keeling his head over to his armpits, he felt the warm sweat greet his face, as the stench of....manliness...pierced his nostrils. "...manliness?" Colin grumbled to hismelf. Why the hell did he describe it like that? Then he turned to his feet, new socks draped over them. Carefully removing the socks revealed the insides to be horrendously stained brown with what seemed to be weeks worth of sweat and dirt. Tossing them aside in the pile, he was about to take a whiff when it hit him. "Pile?" No, he was better than that. He always placed his socks in the washing machine but...there was a pile. He had a pile. And somehow, he knew there was a pile. A pile of dirtied, smelly socks.
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He looked back at his feet and took a long whiff.
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The putrid smell knocked him out, as he fell back on the floor with his head spinning. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*click* As he woke up, he found himself sitting in front of the laptop, his hands already placed atop the mouse. He had clicked without knowing it. Colin looked around himself, as he noticed he was no longer in his shoddy apartment. He was now in some dingy room, the walls covered with posters of men, medals, awards, trophies, and the floor covered with piles of dirty unwashed clothing. His chair had turned into some dirty couch, as the desk had turned into a coffee table. His nose wrinkled at the horrible smell that was now everywhere. He closed his eyes in mild panic. "I-It's a'ight Colin. J-just get to the e-end."
After a few breaths, he opened them.
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Colin's face warped into that of horror. "D-Dumb?!" As soon as the words left his mouth, he suddenly felt a crushing headache as he leaned forward, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Slowly, the rest of hid body tightened up, as his age went down, stopping to reveal he had now regressed back into a 25-year old stud. Slowly but surely, his neurons began to either disintegrate or reorganize. All of that sophisticated schooling slowly slipped away, as he also began to lose memories he had even gone to them to begin with. With the loss of his intelligence, drool began to pool in his mouth, before seeping out in a small fine stream of saliva. What was once a proud IQ of 120 was struck down to a mind-numbing 50. Just enough to let him follow simple instructions and live comfortably. "...huhuh bro.....s-stop b-brooo...." he groaned, chuckling mindlessly at himself as he placed his sweaty feet on the desk with a loud thump as he stretched his legs. But inside, there was still a piece of him that wanted to fight back. Memories that he used to be a greater, smarter person. Someone who had the brains to deal with all kinds of bullshit. He wanted to turn back into that person.
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Colin moved on, clicking the pop-up again.
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*click*
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"...th-the End....b-broOOo?" Colin mumbled in a jock-like inflection. Inside, he panicked. He still remembered he used to have the ability to read this without difficulty, but as he started to read the pop-up he found himself struggling to piece together what the alphabet even meant to sound like. "I.....w-wAnna g-gO.....b-back broOo...." Colin mumbled desperately. Even though he was in a new world of bliss, he wanted to turn back. He had learned his les--.wait...lesson for doing what again?
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*click*
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Colin stared dumbfounded at the equation. A simple equation. He remembered it was simple, but he somehow couldn't find the answer. The text on screen was almost illegible, as his brain filled in the gaps with a few words he knew.
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Colin leaned forward in fear. "...bro....I d-don't...k-knOw.....huhu...f-fUck dude...i d-dOn't wAnna b-be a BRO....like...BRO....". Wracking his mind for any semblance of even a number to place, he gave up. The pain of trying to think was too much, as the last bits of his intelligence seeped out from his mouth...and cock.
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He typed nonsense. It was all he knew.
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*click*
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"huhu...f-fuUUCK BRO" Colin winced at the screen. There was Brock's face, proudly showing a middle finger. His body convulsed with pleasure as more cum slowly but surely seeped down into his shorts. And now he was at the end. With nowhere else to turn, Colin clicked the pop-up as it closed.
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*click*
Immediately, his mind went blank. Colin...who the fuck was Colin again? Cum continued flowing out his throbbing cock, as another dull feeling washed over his brain. C... Co... Col... Colt... Colt shook his head as he looked down at the laptop. There on the screen was Brock's face, plastered with the words "FUK U DUDE".
"huhuh...b-brock dude...wanna s-smell m-my...f-feet bro..."
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It was now two years later, and a lot has changed for the two jocks. For one, Brock had finally passed his third year of college after many many attempts at the exam. Knocking at the door of his new apartment, Brock opened the door.
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"Guess what bro...I got an A+!" Brock flexed in Colt's face, cockily chuckling to himself as the he went back to his room.
Colt could only mumble incoherently, slouching his hulking body over as his eyes went everywhere but Brock. Brock smiled. After finding Colt in his dingy room following the conversion, he managed to sneak him into the school, becoming his own personal pet jock. After crafting elaborate fake emails saying "Colin" had quit his job and moved to Canada, "Colin" slowly faded from the public's memory.
After moving out from the school dorms, he found a new apartment nearby and rented a large enough room. With Colt in tow, he now had time to let him roam out to the different gyms across town whenever he was in class or out working. This had the added perk of keeping him both docile and bulking him up a little more. He had the mind of an animal now anyways, and he knew exactly when and where to find his coach when the time comes.
As Colt sat down on what was now a small couch to him and grabbing a bottle of beer, Brock slapped him across the face, making Colt grunt and drool all over himself.
"That's right dumbass. I'm on top now. No one even knows who you are anymore." Brock said, stuffing Colt's mouth with his fingers, puppeteering his head side to side before taking them out. Colt only chuckled as he placed the bottle back in his mouth. "...t-top...b-brooo...huhuhuh..."
"And who's a good dumb jock bro now hmm?"
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"M-me...d-dumb....jOck...brooo huhuh..."
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frostyreturns · 2 months
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A while back I argued tik tok was a hypnosis and brainwashing app because its function hits all the major components of hypnotizing someone: distracting audio/visual, music, repetition, eroticism etc. A lot of people think of being hypnotized only as falling into a deep sleeplike trance but there's also low level hypnotism where you may not even notice a shift in consciousness. The idea is that all of these things in conjunction relax your mind, puts your criticial thinking on pause and increases your susceptibility to accepting a desired message.
Well now I learned that tik tok "sludge" videos are a thing where they play multiple videos all at once, which also demonstrates the hypnosis rule of 7. 7 points of stimulus overloads the brain and reduces focus, because nobody can keep focus on 7 things at once your brain just kind of unfocuses making it more likely that a subliminal suggestion can take root. So if you have 2 or 4 videos playing all at once you have 3 different audio outputs, 5 different visuals it forces your brain to tune some things out and not process it with your higher cognitive functions. Hypnosis is all about making you think that something you think was your own thought when really it was given to you without your knowing. This doesn't mean these videos have to contain some hidden message...the videos themselves are just a way to soften you up mentally for videos and messages that follow...which also get curated to you.
What are the messages people are getting. I've heard for example people who were noticing they were getting fed trans topics on tiktok and were at first like...wtf this isn't for me...who then became trans. I don't use the app so I don't know what kind of propaganda people get served a lot but I'm sure its not good. Makes me wonder how much of a factor it was in peoples behaviour during covid. People were absolutely not in their right minds.
And once again even the name tik tok evokes the concept of a metronome which is a common visual and auditory tool used in hypnosis. Your phones are literally brainwashing you. Do not let your kids use tik tok.
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tkaulitzlvr · 7 months
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hii i absolutely adore your writing it’s literally the best thing on this app!
since my birthday is in a week i just wanted to request a fic where it’s the readers birthday and tom and everyone is ignoring her and “forgot” it’s her birthday but it’s a part of tom’s plan bc he’s throwing a party for her and surprises her when she comes back home but later on in the night tom has another surprise for her if ykwim ;)
if you can’t get to this i understand but thank you for blessing the world w your writing <3
-🧪
BIRTHDAY SEX - T. KAULITZ
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synopsis: you wake up on your birthday, tom acting like he would any other day, bringing you to the conclusion that he had forgotten about your special day. little did you know, this was all part of his plan.
content: tinyyy bit of angst, smut
a/n: i’m so sorry for not posting for like a week wtf😭 i’ve gotten a lot of requests whilst i’ve been inactive so i’m gonna try work through them asap, but happy birthday anon hope u have an amazing day!! thank u so much for the request, hope i did it justice! 💞
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my eyes slowly flutter open, staying half-lidded as the sun’s rays leak in from the small gap in the curtains, not used to the sudden exposure to light. i look downwards, bending my neck slightly, seeing tom’s arm thrown loosely across my stomach, quiet and steady snores escaping his parted lips as he sleeps. his face smushed against the pillow, body flat on his stomach, head nestled just above my shoulder, i know that he is in deep sleep, not planning to wake up anytime soon. the disappointed tinge in my stomach tightens once i realise this, expecting tom to already be awake, preparing me a special breakfast, showering me with gifts and kisses as he usually would on my birthday.
but the room is as it usually looks - no balloons, no presents, no banners, no candies; nothing. but i try to stay hopeful, considering the possibility that he had got up in the night, the array of gifts waiting for me downstairs. so i let him sleep a little longer, veins oozing with excitement as i hang fire, studying his expression for any sign that he is waking up, desperate to see what he had prepared for me, as he usually had a tendency to go all out for these occasions.
he stirs slowly, groaning a little as his arms stretch out, pulling me further into him. his eyes open, a lazy smile gracing his lips when he sees me. i stay quiet, waiting for him to acknowledge my special day, showering me with love and affection and reminding me of the day i have ahead of me. but my face falls at his words, more specifically, the lack of them.
“morning, beautiful.”
my eyebrows furrow in confusion, wondering if he is playing some sort of prank on me - not at all amused if he is. if he does sense my annoyance, he doesn’t acknowledge it, instead he dips his head into my neck so that his lips are brushing against it, and begins to plant slow and soft kisses there, hands occasionally squeezing the flesh of my hips. i don’t stop him, instead i allow the millions of questions in my mind to sit there, the sinking feeling in my stomach rising as i try to prevent the realisation that he has forgotten about my birthday truly feel real. there is no way - he’s never forgotten, even before we started dating, he’d always wish me happy birthday. however the more sloppy his kisses on my neck get, his lips smiling against it, body inching further into mine lazily as it would every other morning, it is clear that my fear has completely come true, and, somehow, he is totally unaware of how special this day is - to me, at least.
“you got any plans today, schatz?” he asks, head still buried into my neck as he speaks in between kisses, eventually moving it upwards so that he is now looking into my eyes, completely clueless.
internally, i want to slap him, scold him for having such a terrible memory and even being able to remotely forget about today. but, i decide to hold back, coming to the silent conclusion that i will go out elsewhere, with people who actually have the decency to remember my birthday unlike my boyfriend. so i shake my head, forcing my lips into a weak smile, my fingers reaching upwards to play with a loose dread falling from his face.
his eyebrows furrow, head tilting to the side as he senses something is wrong. my heart swells in excitement as i watch him appear to think something over, waiting for him to finally remember what day it is. but, i am quickly proven wrong as he is still just as clueless as he was five minutes ago.
“you okay? you seem upset.” he says, so absentmindedly i wonder if he is actually being serious. it seems that he is completely sincere, his hand moving to stroke my cheek as he awaits an answer, failing to understand that his obliviousness is the reason for my sadness.
“yeah i’m fine, just a little tired.” i reassure him, trying to make my smile seem a little more real, and, somehow he buys it, nodding his head and moving downwards to plant a tender kiss on my lips.
“okay, well the guys want me at the studio to rehearse.” he begins, pecking my lips a few more times, not noticing the way my face falls, in disbelief of this entire situation, having expected to be celebrating with him the whole day. “so i don’t know when i’ll be back. but we can watch a movie and order takeout or something tonight, mhm?”
“sounds great.” i say, sarcasm laced in my tone as i now feel anger more than anything. i reach my hands to his chest, placing them flat against it, pushing him off of my body as i sit up, turning around to get out of bed.
“hey, what’s wrong?” he quickly says, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, kissing my shoulder as he pulls me further into him, my back flush against his chest.
“nothing tom. have fun with the band, text me when you’re finished, yeah?” i turn my head, pressing my lips to his in an attempt to shut him up, wanting to be as far away from him as possible right now, hoping that he is planning on leaving soon.
“if you’re sure.” he shrugs, pecking my lips once again before climbing out of bed, as i do the same. “i’m running late schatz, i’m gonna get dressed then i have to go.”
i nod my head as he takes a few steps towards me, wrapping his arms around my frame and embracing me in a tight hug, my head resting in his shoulder.
“i love you.” he whispers, his head resting on top of mine.
“love you too.” i quickly say, breaking apart from the hug. he kisses my forehead quickly, before walking over to the closet, picking out some baggy jeans and an oversized t-shirt as he would every day. he hurriedly slips them on, tying his dreads in a ponytail and placing a matching cap on his head. he smooths out his t-shirt, walking over to me once more.
“i love you beautiful, see you tonight.” he says, swiftly kissing my lips before rushing out of our bedroom, the front door closing a few seconds later.
i sit down on the edge of the bed, my eyes clouding with tears, wondering what i could have done to make my own boyfriend forget about my birthday, feeling completely miserable. to make things even worse, i hadn’t received any messages from my friends, family - anybody.
but i tried to stay happy, remembering that even if tom had forgotten, my friends and i were still going out for my birthday meal tonight as we did every year.
༻❦༺
6:04pm, the time on my screen reads, reminding me that i should start getting ready, my birthday dinner booked for 7:30. tom hadn’t texted me all day, neither had anybody, yet i still had the hope that my friends were all getting ready too - feeling sick at the thought that it wasn’t just tom that had forgotten. but i didn’t want to think about him, my pent up anger and frustration going to be released when he came home from the studio, though i silently wished that he wouldn’t, not even wanting to see him.
i scan my closet, my fingers landing on a small black dress that i hadn’t worn yet, pulling it from the hanger and studying it, contemplating before nodding my head, taking my comfy clothes off and getting changed into it. i walk to the mirror, content with my appearance for once, the dress perfectly highlighting my curves, the material reaching mid-way down my thighs. my hair already straight as i had fixed it earlier, i move onto my makeup, applying basically everything as i take care in making sure i look perfect for tonight, not wanting anything else to go wrong.
finishing my lipstick, i move away from the mirror, adjusting my hair and running my fingers through it, removing any small knots. i check the time once again - 7:02pm. my eyes widen, realising that i have to leave, yet as i am rushing to get my heels on, my phone buzzes. i stop, placing my second heel on my foot before looking at the words on my screen.
so sorry girl, a family emergency has come up and the rest of the girls can’t make it. we will make it up to u i promise!! - 7:04pm
my eyes stare at the screen in disbelief, reading the words over and over again, wondering if i am imagining them as it seems impossible that so much has gone wrong in one day. i slump onto my bed, frustratedly kicking my heels off, trying to stop the tears forming in my eyes from falling - even if i’m not going out, my makeup still looks perfect, some pathetic tears aren’t going to ruin it. but before i can become too upset, my phone buzzes again, the screen lighting up as i roll my eyes, seeing that tom has finally texted me.
schatz, come to bill’s house. be quick if you can, it’s pretty important. i love you. - 7:08pm
my eyes widen, quickly picking up on the urgency of his text, my mind assuming that the worst has happened. i quickly rush to put my heels back on, not caring that i am dressed to go to a party, more focused on getting to tom as fast as i can, feeling so selfish for being mad that he hadn’t texted me all day, now worried sick as i scramble for my car keys, quickly rushing out of the front door.
༻❦༺
i pull up outside of bill’s house, the lights off, the entire place eerily quiet. having known him all my life, i no longer knock on his door, instead i walk straight in, my eyes met with an empty hallway.
“tom? bill?” i got your message, is everything okay?” i call out, my heels clicking against the hardwood floor as i walk into the kitchen, which is just as empty as the room before, my eyes furrowing in confusion, whatever tom needed me for clearly not as urgent as he had made out.
i turn around, about to leave the kitchen, but just as i am about to take my first step, my eyes are covered by two large hands, my body freezing in shock.
“guess who?” a familiar voice says, my body turning to be met with his cocky smile, his hands moving to rest on my hips as i stare at him in disbelief.
“tom? what the fuck, are you okay? is bill okay? i’ve been worried sick, what’s going-”
my rambling is cut off by tom pressing his lips to mine, smiling against them as he pulls away after a few seconds, my concern somehow amusing to him.
“shhh, come with me.” he mutters against my lips, taking my hand and pulling me out of the kitchen.
“what? where are we going? tom you’re driving me crazy what is going on?” i ask as he pulls me through the hallway, leading me outwards towards the garden.
“baby calm down. everything is fine.” he begins, stopping and turning to face me, taking my hands in his. “you look beautiful by the way.”
“thanks tom but that’s not-”
“schatz, just trust me okay? come on.” he interrupts, squeezing my hand as we continue to walk towards the garden. the double doors leading out to it are closed, heavy curtains draped over the glass, stopping me from seeing what is outside. tom moves the curtain a little, opening the door and stepping outside, my mouth falling open in shock.
my eyes are met with a crowd of all of my friends, a few people unfamiliar, some people that i recognise to be tom’s friends, as well as an array of balloons, food, alcohol, banners, the pool lit up as confetti decorates the outside of it.
“happy birthday!” a chorus of voice says, my hands flying to my mouth in shock, a wide smile on my face as i turn to tom, his eyes already on mine. i quickly pull him into a hug, so tight that his body stumbles backwards a little, but his arms soon wrap around my lower back, a proud grin etched upon his face.
“happy birthday meine liebe.” he says, raising his voice a little as the music that has just been turned on drowns out any other noise.
“how did you- i thought you forgot?” i question, pulling away from the hug, staying within his embrace as his arms remain on my hips. he chuckles lightly, shaking his head.
“how could i forget about my girl’s birthday? i’ve been planning this for so long. it’s been so hard to keep it a secret, and i hated making you upset this morning, i almost cracked when you got mad at me, but, seeing your reaction now makes it all worth it.” he says, eyes staring into mine.
i stand there speechless, unable to find the right words, wondering how he managed to pull this whole thing off. i pull his face towards mine, connecting our lips in a soft kiss, tom deepening it a little as he presses his lips harder onto mine. i pull away for breath, resting my forehead against his.
“it’s perfect, i don’t even know what to say. i love you.” i state, unable to hide my excitement.
“i love you too baby. now come on, let’s have fun.” he smiles, taking my hand and guiding me over to some of our friends.
༻❦༺
“there’s one more surprise for you.” tom whispers in my ear, giving my ass a rough squeeze as he smirks knowingly, the lustful tint within his eyes saying exactly what kind of surprise he is hinting towards.
we had been at the party for a few hours, certainly tipsy as everyone else was, yet it didn’t show any sign of ending soon, the music seeming to get louder, amount of alcohol coming from inside only increasing.
“oh yeah? and what’s that?” i ask, looking upwards at him, my hand running down his chest.
he chuckles slightly, bending down so his lips are level with my ear, his breathing tickling the area. “you’ll have to wait until we get home.” he teases, kissing the skin below my ear before moving back, taking a drink from his cup as his other arm remains around my shoulder.
“or we could just leave now.” i challenge, willing to play whatever game he thinks he has started, knowing that he will cave in.
“hmm.” he begins, titling his head, trying to make it look like he is debating on letting me win, though i can tell his mind was made the second i said the words. “you are the birthday girl, you’re in charge beautiful.”
he shrugs his shoulders, tongue poking outwards to play with his lip ring.
“then we’re leaving.” i state, taking his hand and saying my brief goodbyes to everybody, not being able to get out of the house fast enough.
we reach my car as i throw my keys over to tom, letting him drive as he is the more sober one out of the two of us, having only had one drink. the drive home is torturous, tom squeezing my thigh and whispering just the right things in my ear, knowing the effect that his words have on me, my legs squeezing together as the heat between them becomes unbearable.
he pulls up in the driveway, stepping out of the car and taking my hand, unlocking the front door. he guides me upstairs and into the bedroom, walking towards his closet and returning with a square black box. he places it in front of me as i sit on the bed, his body towering over me.
“happy birthday baby.” is all he says, watching me as i take the lid off of the box, revealing the most beautiful black lingerie set i had ever laid my eyes on. i take it out of the box, holding it in front of me as i stare at it in awe.
“i love it! thank you thank you thank you!” i squeal, standing on my knees on the edge of the bed and kissing his lips quickly.
“you gonna put it on for me? i’ve been waiting to see you in it since i bought it, been driving me crazy.” he whispers against my lips, teeth tugging my bottom lip gently as he slowly releases it, smirking slightly against me. “don’t keep me waiting any longer.”
i nod my head, pecking his lips once more before climbing off of the bed, heading into the bathroom and closing the door. i slip my dress off, netting it pool at my feet, before pulling the panties upwards and onto my body. the bra follows as i clip it on, adjusting the straps. i look at myself in the mirror, in shock of how well tom knows me. it fits perfectly, complimenting my figure in ways i didn’t know were possible.
i open the door, tom quickly turning to face me. his eyes widen, a grin taking over his expression as his tongue swipes across his bottom lip. he walks towards he, hands finding my hips as his fingers dip in and out of the lacy material of my panties, eyes burning into my figure. he bends down, pushing his lips against mine and quickly sliding his tongue in, groaning quietly against me.
his hands move under my thighs, squeezing the flesh as he uses them to lift me up, wrapping my legs against his torso. he walks us over to the bed, falling onto it as i collapse on top of him, never breaking the kiss. his fingers grace my figure, starting at my back, slowly moving to my ass as he kneads it roughly, using it to grind my body against him, his dick already hard through his jeans. i gasp into his mouth at the feeling, my hands cupping his face as i pull his lips harder against my own.
“better than i imagined.” he mutters against my lips, biting them softly. “you’re so beautiful, you know that?”
i moan lightly in response, pulling backwards to reach for his t-shirt, not liking that he is still fully dressed. he smirks at my desperation, helping me to pull his t-shirt off. i sit up, straddling him as he holds my waist, my fingers fiddling with the button of his jeans, scrambling to take them off. he sees me struggling, moving upwards a little, undoing the zipper and pulling them from his legs, my hips lifting upwards momentarily so that he can take them completely off.
he is now in his boxers, my hands tracing his abs as he reconnects our lips, his fingers reaching for the clasp of my bra, undoing it in one swift motion. i pull at his boxers, getting them off as i want nothing more than him to be inside of me.
“how do you want it baby?” he mutters against me, slipping my panties off as he speaks. “whatever you want beautiful, just let me make you feel good.”
his chest moves up and down, lips parted as his eyes stare into mine, awaiting my response. instead of voicing my needs verbally, i climb off of him, laying flat against the bed as i pull him on top of me, taking his dick and putting it at my entrance, letting him move fully inside of me.
my mouth falls open as he bottoms out, small whines escaping from my lips. my hands fly to his back, nails digging into the skin as they rake downwards, tom wincing as the slight pain only fuels his desire. he pulls almost completely out, before slamming into me, a loud moan leaving my lips at the exciting mix of pain and pleasure, able to tune out the slight discomfort and focus on the way he fills me up.
he groans against my lips, kissing them repeatedly as he moves in and out of me, building a steady pace. “fuck you feel so good.” he sighs, grabbing my legs and throwing them over his shoulders, the new angle causing me to practically scream in satisfaction, his tip drilling against my g-spot repeatedly.
“please don’t stop, right there, mhm!” i manage to say, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as his dick continues to stretch me out, hitting places that no one but him ever could.
my walls clench around him, a small groan coming from the base of his throat at my movement. “do that again baby- fuck, do it again.” he basically begs, his head falling backwards once i repeat my motions.
i attempt to kiss him, my movements against his lips sloppy and inconsistent, loud moans pouring from my mouth into his as he groans lowly, his pace speeding up, breathing becoming fast and heavy. his chest is flush against mine, bodies sticking together, the sound of our skin slapping together sounding throughout the room, a chorus of inaudible sounds leaving our lips as we chase our release.
“i’m close, keep going, please.” i beg, my voice coming out as a desperate whine. he nods his head in response, gripping my thighs harder, his muscles flexing with each movement as his thrusts become faster and stronger. his dick starts to twitch, signalling to me that he is close too.
“where do you want it baby?” he breathes out, his eyes squeezed shut, movements now becoming irregular.
“inside.” i moan out, not caring about the consequences right now, drunk on the feeling of his dick moving in and out of me.
he lets out a small ‘mhm’, his response soon cut off by a loud groan as he feel him shoot his hot cum into me, the liquid coating my walls, the sudden pressure triggering my own climax. the knot in my stomach unravels, a high pitched moan leaving my lips as i clutch onto him harder than i ever have before, watching the way his face twists in pleasure, head rolling backwards as he rocks his hips at a slow pace, riding out our highs.
he collapses on top of me, hands running up and down my waist as he places a small kiss on my collarbone before lazily muttering against my skin, his voice low and hoarse.
“happy fucking birthday.”
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noxinara · 28 days
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Obey Me! Brothers and what kind of games I think they'd play
this is a very biased list (and long post) based off of games that I've played before :) (jk its really not biased, just games I think they would play!) I made this because I couldn't sleep last night and had brain worms-- Will probably make one for the dateables sometime soon, but this list is just the brothers!
Lucifer
Traditional Board Games.
There have been MANY times where he's been playing various board games with you, Diavolo, and Simeon.
Gets VERY competitive over games like Sorry!, Monopoly, Trouble.... Candy Land???
Will only let Diavolo win.
Shows no mercy to anyone else, including you. Sorry, love.
Card Games.
Particularly amazing at Poker. He would not let Mammon know this... until you guys have an in-house Poker night and he literally takes all??? Has the best poker face you've ever seen.
Won't even let you guys beat him at Uno or Go Fish. Boooooooo.
Puzzle Games.
I could see Luci being very good at Tetris for some reason?
One time Levi challenged him to the game to try and get out of going to RAD one day...
Let's just say he had to go to RAD that day and also had to stay over on cleaning duty. Courtesy of getting absolutely DESTROYED.
Controversial Pick: Rhythm Games.
I could 100000% see Luci tearing up some OSU! But only when all of the brothers are asleep and he's completed most of his work.
They help him unwind.
...Was that rhythmic tapping you heard when walking by his office late one night..? Interesting.
You saw him wearing Levi's VR headset playing Beat Saber one day.
No, you will NOT bring it up and you will NOT let him know of that video you took.
Oh. You posted it on Fab Snap?
Good luck. You're gonna need it.
Mammon
Gambling Games/Apps.
Where I live you can just gamble from home because it's legal to have and play gambling apps?
He would have SO many on his D.D.D. They're taking up so much of his storage space.
Plays them a lot when you're around because he thinks that you're his good luck charm.
He also goes on a lot of Horse Racing and Sports Betting sites...
It got so bad that Lucifer had to figure out how to IP block him from these. it doesn't stop him--
Gacha Games.
Has absolutely insane luck for some reason??? Only on gacha games, tho.
Has definitely played Genshin Impact and Honkai Starrail because of Levi.
He got those 5 star and Ultra Rare pulls he wanted in his first 1-10 pulls? But you? It took you over 100 pulls to get what you wanted. WTF?????
You swear he must be cheating the system somehow. There is NO WAY.
Racing Games.
Particularly the ones that you can have a full racing setup for.
He's splurged thousands of Grimm on this.
Gran Turismo? Forza? F1? iRacing? He has them all.
He is VERY picky about who he lets touch his decked out setup... He'll let you use it any time you want, though. :) You're his treasure, ofc
Controversial Pick: Old School MMOs
Definitely played Old School RuneScape or Black Desert Online or Classic WoW and created gold farming empires.
Doesn't even do end game content, he's just a guild leader making bank off the work of his members.
He probably hosts fun events though.
Would definitely be the kind of guy that makes up scavenger hunts/fashion shows/trivia nights/etc. and gives out sick prizes...
Might also rig these to make sure you or his officers win the best prizes. How sweet.
Leviathan
He is literally THE gamer.
There probably isn't a single genre of game he hasn't played.
His favorite games are definitely MMORPGs and Visual Novels/Dating Sims/Bishojos/Gal games.
Could see him as a raid lead in all of the biggest MMOs like WoW, FFXIV and GW2.
He also 100% visits the degenerate RP server places like Moon Guard's Goldshire and Balmung's Quicksand.
He's definitely not a BLUSHING MESS and rushing to close his game if you catch him in one of these places!!! He would never go there!!! Oh... you want to join him? DEFINITELY NOT.
He would get too jealous of anyone daring to look at you to even let you breath in the vicinity of these degen realms.
He's also done plenty of MMO Ironman challenges and was one of the first people to complete Classic Hardcore WoW entirely solo. Didn't even group for dungeons. What a MAN.
Bishojo/Gal games are his guilty pleasure, how could they not be?
He gets all the waifus with none of the jealousy, right???
What do you mean he picks the same one every time? He can't just cheat on them MC!!
Loves JRPGs and Soulslike games.
Has definitely beaten Elden Ring more times than he can count. Knows literally all of the ins, outs, and secrets and is eagerly anticipating the DLC.
Has probably played every single Final Fantasy game and beaten them all. Would very much have a soft spot for FF4, FF7, and FF9.
Could definitely see him playing MOBAs and 4x strategy/Grand strategy games.
He's not the Grand Admiral of Hell's Navy for nothin'. He knows strategy games like the back of his hand.
The only brother that ever rivals him in strategic knowledge is Satan. (and Lucifer, but we're talking about GAMES here.)
He spends countless hours on League of Legends.
He mains JG/Mid and gets very toxic.
Has favorite characters, but honestly just plays whatever is in meta.
Owns every skin for Ahri, Lux, Katarina, Evelynn, and Akali.
He's definitely in Challengers.
Would 100% make a Smurf account if you wanted to play and would duo bot with you.
He'd play ADC and do anything to protect you, his loving support.
Would not be toxic in your games (unless you are too).
Faker who???
Controversial pick: Casual Mobile Games
Played Flappy Bird all the time when it was popular, still has a cracked copy on his D.D.D... I don't think anyone is beating his high score.
He's got a ridiculous amount of hours on Candy Crush, Angry Birds, and Fruit Ninja.
Would throw his D.D.D into his fish tank and have Henry 2.0 guard it before he'd ever let you catch him on one of these 'normie' games...
But... he secretly likes them so much.
Satan
Hear me out, Satan would be a SUCKER for CYOA (Choose-your-own-adventure)/IF (Interactive Fiction) text games.
Would have Choice of Games, Hosted Games, and Heart's Choice hidden on his D.D.D.
He LOVES immersing himself in story games and creating various MCs.
Oh, look! An RO that reminds him of you? Don't mind him self-inserting.
Probably has character sheets made for his favorite MCs. 
Will play through his favorite stories many, many times.
It all started with Choice of the Deathless and now he owns every game on each platform? (I'm jealous)
Also goes on Dashing Don... What do you MEAN author hasn't finished this story yet? AAAA-
Detective/Mystery/Escape Rooms Games.
I don't think any explanation is needed here. It's just who he is.
Would definitely get all of his brothers (minus Lucifer) together to do a virtual escape room... Unfortunately, it became so chaotic they never finished it. Oh well.
Once played Phasmophobia with Levi, Beel, and Belphie. Was very proud of himself for figuring out the ghost... Definitely did not sacrifice his brothers for the info.
Life Sims.
Specifically ones that let you own or are centered around cats.
Has played every single Sims game and bought their cat and dogs expansions.
Definitely did NOT recreate you and himself with 6 cute cats!!!
He did NOT get the mod that extends household size so that you two could own 97 cats. He wouldn't do that, no way!!!
...Was there actually a baby in the household, too..? Why did it have his hair and your eyes...? SATAN?!?!
you know the Catz DS game? He owned every single version and will NOT let you touch them... Okay. Maybe he gave into letting you touch them, but ONLY when he's supervising!
Very much enjoys RTS Games.
He's scarily good at games like StarCraft Brood Wars/2, the Age of Empires franchise, or Rise of Nations.
He's also gotten into 4x games like Stellaris and Civ. Thanks, Levi.
Don't try and challenge him, he can beat the hardest bots and WIN... THE BOTS LITERALLY CHEAT.
HOW DOES HE DO IT? 
Controversial Pick: Fighting Games
Specifically games like Guilty Gear, Street Fighter, Tekken, BlazBlue, etc. Courtesy of Levi again. Thanks, Levi.
It helps him temper his wrath.
He'll sometimes play Mortal Kombat just for the finishers?? Why is he this way?
He could spend hours learning all the combos and tech of his favorite characters.
Has created himself some tech books and would only show them to you, esp. if you showed interest in learning the games with him!
I could see him and Levi settling disputes by doing best 3 out of 5 1v1s against each other.
Could see him maining Giovanna or Leo from GGST? Tends to prefer rushdown characters. (this one is completely biased, i named my cat after Giovanna from GG--)
Asmodeus
Dress-up/Fashion/Stylist Games.
SuitU, Love Nikki, Covet Fashion - you name it.
He has all of them on his D.D.D and will shell out major Grimm to get any outfit he likes.
Might try to make the outfits he gets in these games for himself and you, because you're the perfect model!
Has a lot of fun with it and might try and talk you into playing with him.
Will definitely post amazing outfits he makes in-game on Devilgram. Will also post countless photos and videos of you two modeling those outfits he brings to life.
...NSFW/Eroge Games.
Not gonna go into detail on these ones because you already know what I mean.
Enjoys playing those games that haunt the front pages of my Steam.
Would proudly play them in front of you to laugh at how ridiculous they are sometimes (as long as you're 18+)
Like Satan, I could see him enjoying Life Sims...
Unlike Satan, it's not because he wants animals.
Plays games like the Sims, Stardew Valley, and Sun Haven.
Self-inserts himself and will romance EVERYONE.
Has the mods where you can marry every single villager and the bed mod that makes your bed MASSIVE so all your husbands and wives can sleep with you.
Made a Sims save with just himself romping around town... No sim is safe from Asmo.
Also has a Sims save with you and him that he openly enjoys more. It has both of you enjoying that Sims Nightlife as celebrities and living in a MASSIVE mansion he custom decorated.
Will also play any Visual Novel/Dating Game that is recommended to him by Levi.
Bonus points if it never shows the MC so he can self-insert himself.
Controversial pick (in this case, not really): VR Games
Specifically things like VRChat or Chillout VR.
Would be extraordinarily popular and have custom avatars of HIMSELF made with so many toggles that it'll make your head spin.
He would always be hanging out in night club or bar worlds.
Occasionally Mammon joins him.
Sometimes he also invites you to join him~! (Would not like it if people started hanging all over you, tho, and would probably bring you to a hot home world with just you and him if that happened...)
Beelzebub
Sports games.
No doubts about this one.
Could definitely see him playing FIFA or Madden.
Levi thinks these are SUPER normie games and is offended to have them in the house.
Beel doesn't care.
Ooo, they made a game of Fangol?!?! He becomes an expert so fast, you have no idea. Would 100% teach you how to play with him.
Loves Cooking Games or Food-themed Games...
He just can't play them for long, however.
One time you got him to play Cooking Mama with you, Luke, Simeon, and Solomon but you had to stop because he got so hungry that he was trying to eat the television????
Would have to bring in MANY snacks and vow to make dishes from the games if you wanted to play these with him around... Which is a shame because he genuinely enjoys them. 
I could see him loving Multiplayer Party/Minigame Games like Mario Party or WarioWare.
You mean he gets to play silly mini games with all of his favorite people?
He doesn't care if he wins, he just loves having you guys around.
Almost always comes in last place when he's playing with you, Belphie, and Levi but that's okay. The faces you guys make when you get your stars are worth it.
Controversial pick (and I mean this one is VERY controversial): FPS games
Now, I know what you're thinking. Beel is a gentle giant and wouldn't play these types of games...
But! I could see him forming 5 stacks with you and his brothers in games like CS2 and Valorant and being scarily good because of his amazing hand-eye coordination and reaction times?
Like he and Levi could easily carry you guys to high Asc/Low Immortal lobbies.
He would just play fill when everyone's around, but his mains would be Kay-O and Breach.
He would always be the initiator in Counter-Strike, following Levi's IGL calls perfectly.
He would also probably love playing games like Squad or Modern Warfare or Battlefield with all of his brothers, you + the dateables.
Belphie
Our resident Horror Game lover.
They give him ideas on how to prank his brothers dreams.
Once made Mammon go through Outlast in his dreams (nightmares??).
You better run, little pig.
But he genuinely enjoys them... When he can stay awake through them.
Hey, you, why don't you just play for him?
Loved playing through games like Amnesia... Unfortunately for you, his love for puzzle psychological horror probably contributed to how he acted in Act 16 OM--
Loves Psychological Dramas and those Interactive Media Games.
You know. The ones where you're combing through footage or watching videos and making choices to find out the hidden/deeper/darker meanings?
He LOVES those.
Usually has you or his brothers playing for him. It's most likely Satan.
You all get equally invested.
Idle Games.
He can run these while he's asleep.
There's nothing more to be said. 
These are the simplest type of games there are....
He's probably got a cookie empire.
Has a soft spot for Kart Racing Games.
Will regularly be in the room when you, Levi, Beel or Mammon are playing.
He's honestly pretty good at them??
When he's not falling asleep behind the wheel that is.
Controversial pick: Auto Battlers
These are games like TFT, Hearthstone Battlegrounds, and DOTA's Auto Chess.
He naps in between rounds and wakes up in 20s increments to prepare for his turn... Why does he have the timing down to a tee???
You're sure you've even seen him pick perfectly in his sleep??? How does he do it?????
Regularly comes in the Top 4, usually first or second. 
What do you mean he's a Challenger TFT player??? Wtf how???
Will not coach you if you ask, but you're free to watch!
Will definitely cuddle with you the whole time he's playing these.
All Brothers, with a bonus YOU!
I could honestly see them ALL enjoying CRPGs as a group.
They always get the mods that let you increase your party size.
Went through Baldur's Gate 3 with you on your recommendation.
They all fought over who would get to play Astarion and Mammon won?!?!
Satan got Gale
Beel got Karlach
Levi was Laz'ael
Lucifer was Wyll
Belphie got Shadowheart
And Asmo made a Dark Urge Bard that looked exactly like himself????
He literally doesn't even make any Dark Urge decisions.
He doesn't want blood staining his clothes. 😔
You got to choose whatever you wanted though!
You took the Dark Urge from Asmo and he just played a normal, flirty bard with impeccable fashion sense.
This playthrough took MONTHS and MONTHS... but you all had a blast!
Literally.
You cannot count the number of times Satan 'accidentally' hit you with fire balls. (He claims he was aiming for Lucifer.)
Lucifer somehow ended up getting you all the luckiest ending? How did he roll 3 nat 20s?????
You're on to play Divinity: Original Sin II next...
Satan has already claimed Fane.
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badgyalshii · 18 days
Text
WANNA TRY IT WITH ME?
word count: 3.1k?
warnings! smut, maybe some typos, oral (f) and missionary, overstimulation, some dirty talk.
pairing! only fans!timothee chalamet x (f) friend!reader (ALWAYS SAFE FOR POC + PLUS SIZE)
a/n: hereee goes my long awaited apology for the finale of its never over🙄 i hope you guys enjoy! two hands on the phone please😏 the “xxx” is a divider btw i just got lazy lmao TELL ME IF IT SERVES CUNTTTT (requests are open)
have you read the series? check it out!
like shii’s writing!? check out her masterlist for her future imagines/series! (that needs to be updated, come on shii wtf r u doing😒)
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It was no secret that timothee owned a onlyfans, he didnt really talk about it though. He didnt want it to be the main conversation between him and his friends, he kept the subjects separated but he was very close with his fans. You said you would always support what he does and even registered for an account to follow him, he tried to fight it and block you from his page, but you said it wasnt really that big of a deal considering you would never open the app and just to let you love him, to which he sighed and let it go, but convsersations were awkward because in the back of his mind he didnt know and was wondering you ever watched his videos. It was only a side gig, but he wanted to focus on college and small acting.
One day, you decided to initiate the conversation with timmy while you both ate chinese. ¨i just felt like if i talked to you about it then it would be hard for you to separate me from being a normal sensitive person from being ya know….that¨ he explained, you shrugged. ¨i mean, i wouldnt look at you differently- not that ive watched but i know you, and how could i judge such a sweet person like you? The only thing that i would have questions about is, like, is it awkward? On camera? Im not even comfortable with myself so put myself on camera and do that-¨ ¨if you dont like yourself, trust their is someone to appreciates you like ten times more than you do on a good day. Theres no reason for you to feel like that¨ he said looking over before eating the rice with a fork. You let out a hum and things fell silent as you both watched a movie, but it was clear you both were thinking. ¨would- would you like…¨ he looked over at you, your eyebrows lifted as you looked at him, he seemed nervous as his cheeks were slowly turning rosy, he cleared his throat before finishing his question. ¨like try it?¨ he asked, ¨erm¨ you said before thinking to yourself, ¨maybe with someone i trust, could be fun¨ you smiled before asking for the rice, taking a forkfull bite off of the same utensil that timmy used. He shrugged, becoming more comfortable, seeing as you were rather chill about the situation, it was a joke to him, what he was about to say, but the tone that came out otherwise said different.
¨wanna try it with me?¨ your eyes widened in surprise, to which he laughed, ¨joking, im joking¨ he let out with a nervous chuckle leaving his lips, his face was visibly warm now, a big grin on his face trying to fight off the fact that he said that. You chewed and swallowed your rice carefully, not saying a word and looking at him while he looked at you, itching and waiting for your response. You shrugged, ¨fuck it¨ your stomach was doing flips, what were you saying? Are you fucking serious? You thought after you said that, your eyebrows high and a side smile on your lips. His mouth parted, ¨when-when would you wanna do it?¨ he asked, ¨its your page, shouldnt you make the rules?¨ you muttered, setting down the rice. ¨tommorow maybe?¨ he let out, watching you get up, you said yeah and said you had to use the bathroom.
When you made it to the bathroom you looked at yourself in the mirror before letting out a sigh and putting a hand on your face is disbelief, what had you singed yourself up for? Why were you just talking? Were you just talking? It was clear that you both were very attractive, so imagine what people think. Your shared friends already think you guys have something casual going on, so would they really be surprised if you both busted out with a cake saying ¨we did it! We fucked! (and recorded)¨? You bit your lip before running the water and washing your hands, before exiting out of the bathroom and sitting next to timothee again.
XXX
You both shyd away about the idea even if it was just the next day, but here we are. You sat ontop of timothees bed, fully clothed and your hair out of the way. You bit your lip, you were anxious, you didnt know how to feel about this, how would others take it? What if they didnt like you? What if you didnt like it. Timothee sat infront of you the entire time, telling you that it was okay if you didnt want to do it and reassuring you the entire time and double checking in with you. As nervous as you were, there was a small burst of excitement that jumped in your stomach.
He bit his lip, ¨you ready?¨ he asked, holding up the camera, about to record you. On the nightstand sat a white viberator, body oil, and lube just incase. He raised three fingers behind the camera, initiating a count down, he very soon pressed the record button, you saw the red small light from the camera flicker. A smile played on your lips from awkwardness but you tried your best to cover it up. ¨this is y/n. One of my closest friends who wanted to join us today¨ he chuckled, ëyes on the screen as he looked through the camera to see you. ¨but ill let her introduce herself¨ he finished, your eyes widened, you didnt know what to do. ¨im nervous¨ you let out with a pity smile and you both let out a laugh, ¨just get undressed while you introduce yourself¨ he let out a small grunt as he watched you immediately catch on and start pulling up your top.he bit his lip, he couldnt deny you looked fucking great, the way your breasts were laid pretty in that bra and how your hips sat with the hidden treasures just waiting to be touched. You watched as he slowly palmed himself and continued to record. You decided this was the right time to speak up.
¨my name is y/n, but timothee told you that¨ you laughed as you stripped your shirt off, muffled music played in the back but you both werent too focused on that, you wore a matching set for the circumstance, and when your bra was revealed he let out a muttered fuck and applied more pressure to his clothed cock. T̈his is my first time¨ you continued, looking over at the oil before reaching over, your ass in the air as you reached for it he let out a sigh, and watched as your back arched and when you came back at sat correctly, he lended his hand out, ¨i wanna do that¨ he said, and you complied, handing him the oil, he let out a small groan, he was as hard as a rock and youve barely even started, he had no shirt on but he had his grey sweatpants, he took the camera and set it up on its stand on the end of the bed.
When he looked back at you, you sat there innocently, you sat on the back of your calves, legs closed and looking up at him so lost, it turned him on that he could take control and lead you. He softly grabbed your neck and pulled you in for a slowly soft to passionate open mouth kiss, pulling your head towards himself before letting you go and moving behind you, his warm touch on your arms, following all the way up to your neck and you tilted your head back on his shoulder as he now kissed your neck and uncuffed your bra. ¨shittttt¨ he muttered, looking at your tits and taking them into his hands, to which they fit perfectly, your nipple between his first and middle finger, rolling them around as soft sighs of pleasure left your lips, he looked at you the entire time before applying a kiss to your cheek, then your lips. You closed your eyes and let him lead you, you felt like you were falling in his arms and allowed him to take you anywhere, you swore this is what you needed, you almost forgot the camera was even there. He put his hand on your waist before he reached for the oil and while he did that, you stripped yourself from your shorts, revealing your matching thong before getting back into pisition and you looked at the camera, thinking you should be more seductive, you looked at it and let out a moan as the warm oil hit your body, he rubbed it over your chest, your stomach, his touch was gentle the entire time, ¨can you bend over infront of the camera for me?¨ he asked gently, you looked at him and nodded, your ass was pointed to the camera and he moved behind you and to the side, his eyebrows raised as you arched as your already glistening cunt was soaking the thin material of the thong, he applied oil over your ass and rubbed it in before his hands crawled up to the sides of your thong, ¨is it okay if i pull this down?¨ he asked, you nodded and he looked at you before dropping your panties, he let out a sigh of satifacation and rubbed over your entrance, you let out a hum and arched your back further before he plunged a finger into your soaking wet cunt, your mouth dropped as he slowly fingered you, he watched as your walls tighten around his fingers, his mouth dropped and he couldnt wait to put his dick inside.
He lifted up your ass as he started to apply pressure and finger harder, your eyebrows furrowed as you looked back at him. ¨like that?¨ he asked as he continued to finger, you bit your lip and nodded your head, your hips moved back into his hand as a small smirk played on his face before he stripped his fingers away, you let out a whine, wanting him to keep going before he surprised you and applied his tongue to your clit, your mouth dropped, his tongue was circling and you let out a moan.
¨timmy” left your lips, fuck. Is this what you were missing out on? Your stomach has butterflies as you leaned back wanting more, he let out a chuckle against your lips in cockiness seeing as you were enjoying this. He shook his head against your pussy and you moaned his name again. ¨dont stop, make me cum timmy¨ he let out another hum against your pearl before pulling away with a pop. ¨make you cum? Want me to make you cum baby?¨ he asked, pumping his fingers.
You looked back at him and seen your juices covering his lips, you could finish just now, looking at his low eyes, looking at him made it seem like he was clouded with ecstasy. He licked his lips and you nodded, letting out a soft please. He kissed your ass before getting on his knees and pulsing into your pussy harder, your eyebrows furrow as you close your eyes, opened mouth gasps and a deep moan just rips away from your lips, fuck, you couldnt take it. And the way timothee looked at you didnt help, ¨shit¨ he muttered, taking his thumb and rubbing your pearl in complete circles. Your mouth hung low as your belly started to heat up, you could feel yourself about to explode. You let out a whine and he bit his lower lip, ¨look at me, look at me while i make you cum¨ he circled faster, you looked at him desperate, desperate to finish.
And suddenly you did, ¨timmy!¨ you let out, your eyes rolling and the way he tried to ride your high out was overstimulating for you so you jerked your body from his fingers, to which he laughed at. ¨shut up¨ you laughed, putting your heand in your hands as your stomach continued to burn from the release. ¨you okay?¨ he asked again, you nodded yes and it was okay and that you were ready for the next round, he smiled at you, and you smiled back, before something else caught your attention. He was clearly breathing heavier and as you shamelessly panned his body, and something else was clearly looking at you.
He didnt try to hide it, instead, he grabbed it while he looked at you, ¨missionary? Or?¨ he asked. You shrugged in return, you liked that he mentioned missionary first, “is that a good angle?” you asked, “any shot with you in it is a good angle, y/n” he said, stripping from his sweats and boxers before coming over to press a kiss on your lips. Once again, the kiss became heated, he leaded you to lay on your back while your lips were still together. He came down and laid firm on you, pressing up against your bare pussy. You held onto his curls as his soft lips were on yours, his tongue entered your mouth, shamelessly clashing against yours, your teeth. It was so hot, he pumped himself before pressing up against your entrance. He rubbed his dick messily against your clit, looking at you jutter under his touch, he kissed your head before he entered slowly, a soft sigh left your lips as you made eye contact with him, watching his eyebrows press together from the easy slip in, to the tight satisfying feeling of your pussy wrapped around his hard throbbing dick. He looked at you for approval, and you nodded.
“y/n, fuck you feel good” he muttered, his mouth opening as you opened your legs further, wanting more. A throaty moan left your mouth as you leaned up on your elbows to watch him fuck you, his dick hit your spot everytime and he only moved faster. “Timmy, keep going” you moaned, your head tilting back from the euphoria. He reached up and grabbed your tit, massaging it as he continued to let out moans, “fuck, like that? You like that?” he muttered, now focusing and putting his hands on both sides of your head. He rocked his hips thorough, his mouth agape and low groans ripping away as the headboard of the bed clashed against the wall time and time again.
“yes! mmph-“ you were cut off by how deep his dick was inside you and how your sensitive nipples tickled in his touch, the way he looked so focused and lost in the moment only made you more wet, you tilted your head back and let out a cry, he was hitting the same spot over again and fucking you harder, you felt your walls clench desperately and that only motivated him more. “timmy!” you whine, putting your hand on his stomach and closing your legs around him, the sound of skin on skin became more relevant as he didnt stop, “i got you” he let out in a breathy, low and seductive tone.
he slapped your hand out of the way before taking it and your other and placing them ontop of the pillow, holding your hands by the wrist as he came down and kissed your sweet spot, “oh my- mmm!” a high pitched hum broke and tried to hide your neck, this was all so overpowering and it felt so good, “where do you want me to cum, y/n” he whispered in your ear, “fuck!” he closed his eyes and his hips rutted slowly, still having powerful strokes, “inside” you let out, he looks up at you before letting out a laugh, “are you crazy? you’re gonna get pregnant- shit” the pleasure took over, canceling his sentence.
“i wont” you shook your head, fuck thats all you wanted, for him to fill you up, give himself to you fully. he looks at you and presses a kiss to your lips before letting out an okay, he takes one of his hands off of your wrists to come down and rub your clit, but it was difficult considering how wet you were. your body was overstimulated and tried to fight his hand off by moving your hips, but when you moved them it just made him go deeper, past your spot, you froze in that position, your body shocked as he hit a point you didnt know anyone could. “fuck! dont stop!” you scream in a whiney tone, keeping your hips where they were. “cum for me” he said, his jaw clenching as he looked at you with all seriousness, “take it, take it from me make me cum!” you cry, his hand moved faster against your clit and more rough groans left his lips, your mouth suddenly became agape and he looked at you, your eyes pouring into his as you came. “timmy, im, im cumming” your eyebrows furrowed, it felt like the world stopped, your body jerked and released all the knots in your stomach. he came down and you both shared and open mouthed sloppy kiss, he bit his lip and and looked down at you, fucked you harder and the bed creaking and the camera was so close to flipping over.
“mmm” his lips pursed together, fucking you faster now, “timmy!” you cried again, before his mouth dropped, a whiney moan left him lips “y/n, y/n, aw, fuckkk y/n” he said over and over again, feeling his seed shoot up in your stomach as he looked at you, both eyes were desperate for each other, so hazed in the stars. he let you go and your arms went under his, holding him as he let out “uhs” as he finished cumming inside you, and making sure you got all of it as he messily rutted his hips until failure. your back came off the matress as you accepted the cum shooting up your pussy as your chest uncontrollably heaves.
his head falls into the deep of your neck, still breathing heavy but applied kisses there. Once he catches his breath, he sits back up and pulls out, a curse leaving your lips as he grabbed the camera and pointed it at you, you looked at him behind the camera, he was still breathing heavy and he reached his hand to your lips, his thumb brushing over them before you took it into your mouth and sucked, a smirk and a small chuckle left his lips before he took out his thumb and traced it along your body, you were covered in sweat, your body glistening heavenly, or at least he thought so. the camera following, all the way down until he zoomed in on your fucked out area, seeinng the cum slowly leaking from your hole and your clit visibly swollen. he separates your folds from each other, “man i could really eat you out again” he joked.
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swimmingismywholelife · 10 months
Text
Cuffing Season
Summary: You love hitting on Christian whenever you get the chance.
Warnings: suggestive comments, really bad pick up lines
A/N: This is literally inspired by the Tennessee pick up line and bc Christian plays as the Number 10 I was like this is so fucking funny I need to turn this into an smau. Also KEPA AND ANDREA GOT MARRIED HELP THEY DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD WHEN IS IT MY TURN-
~~~
yourusername & cmpulisic
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Liked by cmpulisic, kaihavertz29 and 9,724 others
yourusername: Are you from Tennessee? Bc you're the only 10 I see baby 🥵
cmpulisic: oh GOD not this again babe
yourusername: you know you love it when I hit on you with my pick up lines
christianpulisic10: NOT HER USING THE TENNESSEE LINE BC HE PLAYS THE 10 LMAOOOO
chelsbells: I can't decide if I wanna laugh or cringe ngl
captnchristian: honestly I'm doing both 💀
~~~
yourusername & cmpulisic
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Liked by cmpulisic, west.mckennie and 8,852 others
yourusername: hey baby did you just break wind? Bc you're blowing me away 🥰
cmpulisic: why are you doing this to me
yourusername: you're the one who's blowing ME away if anything YOU need to stop
mur1ca: these are such dad pick up lines I'm dead
west.mckennie: is this how you won him over?
yourusername: ofc ofc. It wasn't my unwavering support and loyalty, it was bc he secretly LOVES my pick up lines
cmpulisic: .....yeah that's the exact OPPOSITE of how you won me over but okay 🙄
yourusername: it's okay you can admit it Christian there's no need to hide
~~~
yourusername & cmpulisic
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Liked by cmpulisic, masonmount and 9,751 others
yourusername: the years aren't the only thing that don't stop coming when I'm with you 😜
cmpulisic: these are just getting progressively worse aren't they?
yourusername: you mean progressively BETTER
gioreyna: OH GOD GET A ROOM THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THIS APP (ME IT'S ME I'M THE CHILDREN)
yourusername: hush Giovanni get off your phone it's past your bedtime
jjscally_3: LMFAOOOO SHE TOLD YOU
gioreyna: CHRISTIAN FOR THE LOVE OF G O D GET YOUR GIRL
cmpulisic: don't you think I've been trying???
christ10ian: lowkey this is kind of endearing why doesn't my bf do this for me wtf
~~~
cmpulisic & yourusername
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Liked by yourusername, usmnt and 17,938 others
cmpulisic: I might have won the competition tonight, but the most valuable trophy I've ever won is you
yourusername: CHRISTIAN YOU ACTUALLY USED ONE OF MY PICK UP LINES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
cmpulisic: I love you even with all your terrible pick up lines 🙄
benchilwell: we lost him boys
yourusername: don't be jealous Benjamin I'll start using them on you too
cmpulisic: nope get your own girl to hit on you this one is all mine
londonisblue: BYE I'M TAKING A BATH WITH A TOASTER THEY'RE SO CUTE 😭
Taglist: @neverinadream @pulisicsgirl @masonsrem @masonspulisic @bracedes @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @mortirolo @chelseagirl98
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fuck-customers · 23 days
Note
Ok hi hello, how the FUCK are we supposed to reach the "goal" if we're literally not told what the fucking goal is? And wtf is this passive-aggressive bullshit?
So my work has one of those phone number scams where they make us bully customers into giving us their phone number to have in our computer system that does not benefit the customers in any way. No rewards. No discounts. Nothing.
SO I had assumed that the register system automatically kept track of how many signups we were getting and all that shit. Literally what's the point if it's not? I still don't know. All I know is last week, one of the managers said "we're going to start keeping track of signups again" and I was like you weren't doing that the whole time?? Why the fuck did I bother doing the stupid ass signups for all that time then?
ANYWAY
The point of today's story is this:
I go into the breakroom at work and there's a printout of all of us employees and our phone number percentages. (employee numbers only, at least we weren't 100% put on blast, but it wouldn't be that difficult to narrow down which number was whose) with the employees who were under a certain percentage highlighted with a passive-aggressive note written that these employees need to reach "the goal."
1. WHAT fucking goal? Nowhere on this stupid public shaming attempt does it have any indication what the goal is that were supposedly working towards. Are we trying to reach 50% signups? 60%? 70%? Fuck if I know.
2. Even if there WAS a numbered goal, there's no way for the cashiers to know if they're hitting the goal or not until the week's results have been printed out and posted, which it appears management intends on doing. It's not like the registers have a little percentage in the corner so we can keep track of our own progress. Literally only management has access. So we have to blindly hope that we're reaching this unspecified goal.
3. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever to post that information to shame us. None of us were informed that we were supposed to be working towards any goal at all.
And 4. Ok so let's say we reach this mystery goal....and? What? What is that going to do for us? Or we don't reach the goal? And? So what? Management has lied in the past about if our numbers go up, so will our hours and that was a fucking lie.
I cannot stress enough just how useless the phone number thing is. It is not a store credit card signup where customers have to get approved or anything like that. The customer gets absolutely nothing out of providing their personal information. If they want coupons or discounts or rewards, they have to download the store app onto their phone. We cannot access any rewards or discounts on the register. At first, managers tried to lie to customers to say that if they provided their phone number, they could do returns without a receipt.
Except...you can do a return without a receipt no matter what. It's the exact same process/policy for every single customer. Whether or not they provide their phone number, every single customer doing a return without a receipt will automatically get the lowest price for those items in the last 90 days back. Period. There's not even a way to pull up old transactions from a customer's phone number if they lost their receipt. It is 100% useless. I personally suspect there's something shady going on and the company is selling customer's personal information or tracking their spending habits for advertising or something sketchy.
So anyway, someone who definitely was not me wrote a note back telling them to tell us what the goal was or else we cannot reach it.
If you decide you want to fudge the numbers a bit here are some random numbers to use.
Buena Vista Water Sports 407-239-6939 Sky Venture 407-903-1150 Orange Blossom Balloons 407-239-7677 Kennedy Space Center 407-522-5911 Silver Springs 352-236-2121 Cypress Gardens 1-863-324-2111 Fun Spot 407-363-3867 Gator Land 1-800-393-jaws or 407-855-5496 Green Meadows Petting Farm 407-846-0770 Holy Land Experience 1-866-872-4659 or 407-872-2272 Orlando Science Center 407-514-2000 WonderWorks 407-351-8800 Ripley’s Believe it or Not 407-345-0501 Boggy Creek Airboats 407-344-9550 Orlando Museum of Art 407-896-4231 Central Florida Zoo 407-323-4450 Leu Gardens 407-246-2620 Old Town 407-383-6126 Daytona USA 1-386-947-6530 Wekiwa Springs State Park 407-884-2008 Richard Petty Driving Experience 1-800.BE.PETTY Jungleland Zoo 407-396-1012 US Astronaut Hall of Fame 1-321-269-6100 Magical Midway 407-370-5353 Citrus Tower 1-863-324-2111 Sky Coaster 407-397-2509 Scenic Boat Tour of Winter Park 407-644-4056 Orlando Helitours 407-397-0226 Star Flyer (located at magical midway) 407-383-6124 Dotties Orlando Comedy Theatre 407-226-3680 192 Flea Market 407-396-4555 Visitors Flea Market 407-396-0114 Maingate Flea Market 407-390-1015 Medieval Times Dinner Show 407-396-1518 or 1-888-WE JOUST Pirates Dinner Adventure 407-248-0590 or 1-800-866-2469 Sleuths Mystery Dinner Show 407-363-1985 or 1-800-393-1985 Capone’s Dinner Show 407-397-2378 or 1-800-220-8428 Arabian Nights 407-239-9223 Walt Disney World Resort 1-800-W-Disney or 407-824-2222 Hoop Dee Doo Review 407-WDW-DINE Wide World of Sports (407) 939-2040 Disney’s Polynesian Luau 407-WDW-DINE Sea World 1-800-327-2424 or 407-351-3600 Discovery Cove 1-800-327-2424 or 407-351-3600 Universal Orlando Resort 407-363-8000
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thinkingaboutjaedyn · 18 days
Text
stupid lil headcanons about mapi
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author notes: i'm pushing out more of these dumb posts than fics but i swear fics are coming 🙏🏾 just let my mind work it's magic y'all. anyways stupid headcanons about mapi that hold no value, enjoy!
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➜ mapi probably asks ingrid to talk to the waitress when she receives the wrong order. it's not really that she's scared to say something, it's just mapi doesn't want to say anything herself
➜ she probably sends ingrid stupid memes in spanish about the most irrelevant things that ingrid is always like "wtf? where did you get these from?" (she got them from twitter)
➜ doesn't care for tiktok that much but sometimes someone sends her an edit off of that app and she giggles
➜ this woman be low-key confused when the barca coach talks about the team's game plan. afterwards she always asks alexia to explain to her in simple terms
➜ we all know she had that emo phase. during that phase she still listened to a lot of spanish music (she couldn't get with the actual emo music) and used tumblr like it was god sent
➜ mapi be giggling and kicking her legs while stalking ingrid's instagram during international break. she has like a thousand photos of ingrid in her gallery, but the instagram posts just hit different
➜ double texts everything. never writes in paragraphs and she probably have many typos in her texts because she be typing at the speed of light
➜ mapi's favorite type of kisses are cheek kisses because she finds them really cute
➜ if the word clingy had a picture in the dictionary, mapi would be the photo. this woman is attached to ingrid so bad and just likes hanging off of her. half of the time she just annoys ingrid but refuses to move away when her when ingrid tells her off
➜ clumsy at the worse moments. could be holding a plate full of food and mapi is going to slip on thin air
➜ likes piggy back rides especially from ingrid
➜ mapi is the biggest cryer when it comes to movies. it could be the happiest movie ever but let one sad thing happen and she's bawling
➜ begs ingrid to do her hair in silly lil hairstyles and always talks cute selfies after
➜ a cuddle bug. not just with ingrid but also her cat
➜ mapi shall not be trusted with knives or any sharp objects, she always end up cutting herself. ingrid has to comfort her afterwards
➜ is so annoying to play against in a fifa game. she will do anything in her power to make you lose (pushing, saying the most out of pocket stuff, screaming at the top of her lungs, anything to her opponent to lose the game)
➜ dyes her hair when stressed (but don't tell anybody that)
➜ either a fun drunk or a sad drunk. depends on the day and if ingrid is around
➜ she randomly flexes in front of ingrid to try to impress her (ingrid doesn't give a fuck but gives many compliments)
➜ speaking of impressing ingrid, this woman will stop a car with her bare hands just to have ingrid give her a compliment. what can be said? #girlfriendvalidationisthebest
➜ 100% is a pouter, a whiner, a "but babeee:("
➜ the type to get a tattoo for her girlfriend and not even tell anyone until someone just notices
➜ mapi is surprisedly flexible, don't ask how she figured that out
➜ follows ingrid around like a lost puppy. she just loves her girl so bad
➜ her favorite season is summer and her favorite thing to do during summer is to go to the beach. for one, she loves to be in the water and for two, she gets to see ingrid in a bikini. a win is a win
➜ says the most random shit that pops up in her mind like "do you think dinosaurs are related to chickens? and if they are related to chickens then when someone eats chicken, are they eating dinosaur meat?" and ingrid would just be like "please just eat your food"
➜ not the best dancer in the world but no body can tell her that
➜ mapi sometimes just gets baby fever and pesters ingrid before forgetting about it then she sees a baby & the process happens all over again
➜ overall mapi is just so silly 😝
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© thinkingaboutjaedyn
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