#can you tell I've been emo since middle school? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

melodygatesauthor · 8 months

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Okay guys, I can't believe it's been a full year since I published the first chapter of my first fanfiction story and I'm still going strong today. - (Side note...it was actually yesterday but I wanted to get all my fics posted to AO3 so I could get an accurate word count and tell you all what I've done so...it took me an extra day)

This is going to be a really long post, and I thank everyone in advance for reading all the way through if you make it. I'm taking a moment to allow myself to talk about my accomplishments over the last year, my goals for this next year, and gas myself up just a bit. As an artist, it's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light without being critical, but I'm going to do it anyway. No one asked, but this is one of the ways I wanna celebrate my ficversary so...I'm gonna do it lol.

My First Fanfic Ever

I'd like to start by sharing my beginnings with writing. If I really think back to the very first fanfiction I wrote, I thought it was a Gorillaz fic (which I still have a handwritten copy of in my closet lol), but it wasn't. I think the very first fanfic I wrote technically was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic when I was 11. I didn't even realize that's what it was, I just knew that I was SO into POTC that I wanted to write about it. It had just come out by the way, so I'm really dating myself. This was...2003.

We had this thing we had to do for school, it was like a writing assignment or something, one of those big ones that they gave you, a standardized whatever. I managed to find a way to spin it into a POTC related thing and I went OFF writing this story. It had its own twists and turns unrelated to POTC, but it was a fanfic through and through.

The Beginning of My Fan Art

When I was 12 I started listening to Good Charlotte, to a point that it was my entire personality. Everyone who knew me, knew I loved them. Every fucking art project I had in middle school (7th and 8th grade) was revolved around this band, particularly Joel Madden.

My love for them has come and gone, but I still remember how I felt at the time (not unlike how I feel toward Oscar Isaac now lol). I mean my art teacher literally had to be like "I want you to branch out, you can't make everything about them." And as an adult, I'm wondering -why the fuck not but- ...I digress.

The First Fanfic I Ever "Published"

When I was 12 (or maybe closer to 13), I became OBSESSED with the Gorillaz. When I say obsessed I mean...I listened to the album Demon Days on repeat until it fucking broke. I changed my G's when I would write by hand to match the G in their logo. I made tons of fan art and it was a damn vibe. This was the first time I really discovered fanfiction and learned what it was.

I remember reading one fanfic from some girl on this website (I'm really dating myself here, some of you will know what site this is...) Quizilla. Quizilla was THE site at the time (other than LiveJournal I think, but I never used LiveJournal and didn't know it existed at the time) for fanfiction and what you would now call "buzzfeed quizzes". This girl's writing inspired me to write my own fanfic, which I handwrote and kept in a green folder which, as I said, I still have to this day sitting in my closet.

My very first fic, and yes at 13, included some romance, some non-con (don't fucking ask me why idk even how I knew about that at 13. I was never exposed to this type of thing as a child fortunately) and other nonsense. I published it on this site, and it made me really happy. I don't remember if anyone ever read it or not tbh, but it will forever hold a place in my heart <3

My Best Friend/Emo Era

I met my best friend in high school when I was about 14. She and I are still close to this day. Not as close, but I can still tell her my most unhinged thoughts and she loves me regardless. We met because we both wrote fanfiction and lost our minds over the fact that we did. Thus started my emo era.

She was into My Chemical Romance, and I was into The Used. 2005 was a time lol. The two of us had either a binder or a composition notebook where we'd handwrite our fics and pass them back and forth between classes. I still have the ones I wrote tucked away in my house. When we'd read them she and I would leave little notes in the margins like we all leave comments today.

Most of these fics never got published, they were just for us to enjoy. I did, however, publish a fic when I was about 15, that I wrote to completion. Quizilla ended up going down, and most of us moved to Mibba.com instead, which is still a website.

Edit: I looked at Mibba, and it looks like the website is still there, but you can't search for anything, so Mibba is gone too. Not gonna lie, broke my nostalgic heart just a bit to see...Some fics I wrote on there will be gone forever. Maybe for the best, but it's still kinda sad.

The Avenged Sevenfold Era

When I tell you that Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band since I was 15, I'm dead ass. Are they the best band ever? Not by a long shot, but damn the way I still lose my shit over them is unhinged. Anyone who was around during this time fucking knows...they were fucking HOT. Matt Shadows really had the bulky but not shredded body type going on, they all kinda did, and I'm so here for it.

Why I'll never post any of the fics I wrote during this time, even if I get my hands on them...

I wrote them when I was 15, and I was writing about things 15 year olds shouldn't write about.

You don't know cringe until you've read those fics.

It's about real people and I'm not a fan of rpf anymore. I'm all for writing whatever you want and fiction being fiction but there's something that gives me the ick about real people fiction. No offense to anyone who writes it, that's just my feelings.

The way these guys had a hold on me for the next 5 years was ridiculous. I wrote about them a lot, by hand, on my laptop, however I could. I had so many unhinged ideas and stories it's insane. I loved every minute of it, and I always look back on this as my true start into fanfiction.

The End of an Era

All good things come to an end. After graduation, my best friend and I stayed in touch, but grew apart. I went to college and continued writing fanfic. I was pursuing a major in graphic design with a minor in creative writing. I was convinced that even though I was writing fanfiction, I was going to write a book too and it would be a bestseller.

As time went on, probably when I was about 20 or 21, I kinda stopped writing fanfiction all together. My friend wasn't really writing it anymore, and the community around Avenged Sevenfold was slowing down. I was also in the middle of a breakup and it was a whole thing, so I kinda stopped writing around this time.

I'd also, unfortunately, felt like fanfiction was for kids/teens, so didn't feel the need to continue writing anymore. I didn't want to seem like a loser writing fanfiction in my twenties...so I didn't.

For the record, you're not a loser for writing fanfiction. It's a very valid artform and it's fun. We only live for so long, so enjoy it doing what makes you happy, period. I'll probably be writing in my 50s I fucking hope lol.

Anyway, at that time, that's how I felt. I now know it's bullshit to think that way. So fanfiction fizzled out for me, and I kinda moved on to other things.

My Not-fanfiction Era

What was I doing instead of writing? Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, working on trying to build what I thought was the 'dream' (marriage, kids, a house, e.t.c.), working and playing video games.

Fortunately that relationship ended. After years of therapy (which he told me I needed because he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy lol), I grew the balls to finally tell him to fuck off and leave. It was the best decision I ever made, especially considering this was JUST before COVID hit. I shudder to this day thinking about the fact that I was almost stuck in a house with that freak during lockdown.

When that relationship ended I moved back to Maine to be with my family. I missed them and had spent basically my entire 20s in another state with some loser.

Back to Fanfiction - Kylo Ren Era

So how did I get back here? How did I get back into writing and creating fan art? The truth is, a switch literally flipped in my brain over this guy right here...

I mean...

The funny thing is, I wasn't SUPER into Star Wars before this. I liked it, I'd seen the sequel trilogy in theaters, but to me it was just a movie series. I was literally watching a Sam Collins video on YouTube where he made fun of a Kylo Ren cosplayer's thirst trap on TikTok and was like...oh that's actually kinda hot.

Thought nothing of it though, just moved on with my day...until I dreamt about him too. And then I felt this spark inside me that I couldn't shake. I literally was like...👀 something is happening here.

So I remembered this feeling from when I was a teen and recognized the impending obsession immediately. I actually googled "is fanfiction still relevant" and "is it ok to write fanfiction as an adult?"

The short answers are - yes - and - of course it is -. This was how I discovered the VERY popular Kylo Ren fic Fix Your Attitude by Kassanovella. I read it in a matter of a week, and in that time I started writing my own fic. I also rewatched ALL the Star Wars movies, and then continued rewatching the sequel trilogy on repeat just so I could get Kylo Ren's character down. I wanted to make sure I captured his voice and personality perfectly. - When I say I watched the sequel trilogy 20 times, it's not an exaggeration, I had it on constantly.-

The fic I wrote was called, Yes, Master

The first chapter of that fic was published on 09/05/2022 (one year ago today), and the last chapter was published on 10/14/2022 with a word count of 100,701. Not only is it the longest fic I've written of all the fics I've done, but it's the one I wrote the fastest. I was posting a chapter a day every day until it was finished. I mean...I literally went OFF on this story. I was so proud of it that I went to lulu.com and made myself a physical copy of it that I intend to read as part of this celebration I'm doing lol.

Wondering if anyone would be interested in me revamping this story (rewriting and updating it) and posting here? I would definitely do it if there was enough interest.

I then wrote a sequel called By Your Side which taught me SO MUCH. Here's what I learned when creating this sequel...

Not everything needs a sequel.

Writing a chapter a day isn't realistic.

I should've planned a full outline before diving into this fic.

I'm not into pregnancy fics/domestic fics all that much as far as longfics go.

It's okay to genuinely dislike something you've written and you should try to learn from that.

By Your Side is still to this day one of my least favorite fics (if not my LEAST favorite). I am still proud of myself for finishing it, (it sits at a hefty 85,599 words). I don't have to love it though. I'm just grateful for what I learned in the process of writing it and proud of myself for finishing it despite being sick of it by chapter 8 and still writing 20 chapters after that.

I also wrote my very first Yandere fic, Just You. It's a bit darker, in my opinion, than The Fractured Moon. This fic was a blast to write, and it felt very freeing to write something so disturbing. It was fun to just let myself get into a dark headspace without holding back and not feeling bad about it. It was more

The Rainbow Six Siege Era

During my time writing for Kylo, I went back to a video game I used to play a lot, Rainbow Six Siege. My Oscar Era bleeds into the Kylo and R6S era a little but I'll talk about that soon.

The Siege fandom was an interesting one...one that I'll probably not go back to much, though I may still write a little fic for it here and there as I feel inspired to. I won't dive too much into this as I know most of you are Oscar fans, but I'll mention my accomplishments here and the things I learned.

I wrote another novel-length fic for this fandom called The Recruit and the Hunter which has another 83,888 words. I actually LOVE this story, and still look back on it fondly. It was a fun one to write, and I really challenged myself to write less smut for it, and I succeeded. It focused heavily on the relationship that built between the main pairing and in my opinion it's one of my better slow-burns I've done.

Why did I leave this fandom?

Well, I'm not going to throw shade, I don't like doing that unless I have to, so I'll keep it brief. The long and the short of it is this...

The readers were getting EXTREMELY demanding. I have comments on RATH of people saying things like "I'm going to be upset if you don't give us a happy ending" and "there better be smut or I swear...". It can get really discouraging as a writer when people seem to say "I love your fic but I'll only continue to love it if you do xyz." It puts us in a dilemma, and makes it hard for us to find a balance between providing fan service, and doing what's fun for us to write. It definitely changed the outcome of RATH and I'm not happy that I gave in like that.

The requests I got were confusing and downright weird. I didn't do some of the really weird ones, and I'm not meaning to kink shame, but it was just very niche things that I couldn't get myself into. I think part of why I felt obligated to provide fan service like I mentioned in the point above, and why I caved and wrote some fanfics for these more unique requests, is because this fandom is very small, and I felt an obligation to provide.

Some of the other writers in the fandom are fucking rude. I'm not going to mention names, like I said, but I had very poor experiences with several writers in the fandom, and since I was also integrating into the Oscar fandom at the time, I could see a stark difference in the way I was being accepted in one, versus the way I was being pushed away in the other. There aren't a lot of x reader writers in the R6S fandom, and I was one of them, and there seems to be some animosity between the people who ship characters, versus the people who write x reader and that's where this mistreatment came from. I don't know, I tried making friends over there, and felt like I was getting pushed out.

So anyway, it's not for me anymore, but I still think back to certain parts of it fondly, and I may write a little more here and there as I see fit.

The Oscar Isaac Era

This really is THE era, isn't it?

As I was working on the last 10 or so chapters of Yes, Master, and after my 12th time rewatching the sequel trilogy movies, I started to fall for Poe Dameron, naturally. How could I not? I mean look at him...

So I decided that I would give Poe a prequel to my Yes, Master story called One Hell of a Pilot. This fic was so fun to write, and it's how I became involved with the Oscar Isaac community in the first place. Immediately I started following Dee, and through her I found Mona, and it was just snowballing from there. Whitney and Romana were some of the first to follow me and my shenanigans.

In December, which is when I started writing One Hell of a Pilot, another novel-length fic that ended with 80,517 words, is when I started reading Dee's fics, along with Mona's and many others. I saw their interactions and felt excited by the prospect of making new friends who were just as into some of this stuff as I was. A place that I could be myself and lose my shit over this idiot and not be judged.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

It all started with a fic that Dee had written, I can't remember which one, probably a dbf!Santi fic, and I asked the innocent question of...

What movie is this from?

Oh shit...I didn't realize what the fuck I was getting myself into. After she told me it was Triple Frontier and I should watch it, my brother and I watched it right away. I told him a friend of mine suggested it. The way we spent the entire 1.5 hours laughing at how bad it was is still a memory I hold dear to my heart. I still didn't know at the time that this loser (Oscar my beloved) would hold a place in my heart from that day on.

My first Santi fic was a headcanon about Santi w/ a plussize reader that I called Preciously Plump. A headcanon that later got a full fic, appropriately named Preciously Plump the One-shot.

So then I read something about Moon Knight, and between Dee and Mona shoving me into it (peer pressure ftw) I caved and watched the show.

Phew...

That gave way to the first Moon Knight fic I ever wrote, How Unexpected which came out on January 3rd, 2023 of this year. I was sure that between Steven's adorable nerdy behavior, and Marc's tough exterior, I'd be head over heels for those two. I was nervous to even TOUCH Jake, because I didn't know shit about his character, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a character without it sounding like them.

I was also afraid at the time of writing the Moon Boys with DID because I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't want to misrepresent something like that. After some time went by, I got my bearings, and started working on A Bit Dodgy.

ABD is definitely one of the fics I'm most proud of. I had learned a lot from my past fics I'd written, Yes, Master, e.t.c., and figured out what it was that works best when I'm writing to not only keep myself interested, but to create a good balance between smut for smut's sake, and pushing the story forward.

When I first started writing ABD, I was sure it was going to be a 30-40 chapter fic, but as I started writing it more, I realized quickly that a lot of the chapters were just porn. Is there anything wrong with that? No...but as someone who's written nearly a million words in this past year, I don't feel the need to draw my chaptered fics out with smut just to say I wrote something x chapters or x words wrong.

That's why ABD ended up getting cut down SO MUCH from my original plan. I just made some decisions that I felt maximized the story more and used the smut as a major plot device, rather than the fic revolving around smut as the plot...if that makes any sense lol. I'm happy to say, that as of today, A Bit Dodgy has concluded, though it's the only fic I've ever finished with such a heavy heart.

I was an Oscar stan HARD after that, diving into Sucker Punch and other silly little movies filled with that silly little man whom I love so so much.

Statistics

Numbers aren't important when it comes to kudos (AO3) and likes (Tumblr) so I'm not focusing on those. What I am going to focus on...is my personal accomplishments. Like I said, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I fucking wrote A LOT this year, and I'm going to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

So NOT including my random blurbs (since I'm not bothering to cross-post those)...

My total word count from 09/05/2022-09/05/2023 is (drumroll please):

791,829 words

GEE

I had thought I would've hit a million by now but I am NOT going to complain. By the grace of the horny demon that runs the smut factory in my brain, I've written more than I ever even thought possible.

In the Moon Knight fandom alone, I've written:

238,950 words

I think the only fandom I've written more for is Star Wars, but I'd have to add it all up and I'm not doing that rn haha.

Just kidding it's:

368,566 words

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I wrote 6 novel-length fics, a total of 147 works, MK holds the record for most fics I've written at a whopping 82 fics!

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It's shocking to look back and see what I've accomplished, and to look forward to seeing what else I can do. I know that this next year I won't have the same word count, probably not even close.

I'm focusing a lot on drawing now as well as writing, plus I'm working on my first novel that I'd like to publish so things will definitely be slowing down. I'm going to continue writing, but the speed at which I churn out fics will be slower in the future.

In Conclusion

Thank you all for the support throughout this year. There's no way in HELL I would've had the drive and desire to continue writing if not for the amazing community (most the Oscar Isaac community lol) behind me. It's not just the kudos and the reblogs, it's the people who I've grown to know since joining the world of fandom.

I never had a ton of IRL friends, and I live alone (happily btw) with my dog. Being able to make some friends here that I genuinely call friends, not just people I know online, has meant the world to me. I would list everyone out, but I have a fear of accidentally forgetting to tag someone despite how much they mean to me so I'll leave it at...those people know who they are.

And to my readers (I hesitate to use the word "fans", that makes it sound so conceited), thank you to the moon and back. Without out, I wouldn't have had the drive to keep going. Kudos, Likes and Reblogs aren't everything, I can't stress that enough, but they do help keep the drive alive. (Particularly the comments). Without the little boost of excitement I get when I see that other people are just excited about what I'm doing as I am, I probably would've given up ages ago.

You all are the reason that this was even possible.

With all that being said, I have a small celebration planned that I'll announce later tonight. In the mean time, stay amazing. You keep supporting me, and I'll keep providing the fics that you all love so much

Love, Melly

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agustdiv1ne · 7 months

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here are my thoughts about each song that absolutely nobody asked for but i don't care 🤣

ok GROWING PAINS??? THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN I'M FALLING TO MY KNEES I'M WAILING BC THIS SONG IS EVERYTHING TO ME. i loveee rock music and this is also reminds me a little of what i used to listen to when i was in the deepest trenches of my middle school emo phase (and continue to listen to bc my emo phase never truly left me),, THE GROWL. BEOMGYU FUCKING GROWLED. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. *INSERT WEREWOLF MEME* i am just. obsessed. absolutely Obsessed. ALSO YEONJUN'S HIGH NOTE????? ACTUALLY FUCK OFF I'M ON THE FLOOR

chasing that feeling is very 80s new wave and it is Everything to me. i could go over everything in the mv but i'm j gonna focus on the song for now. i love the route they took for the tt, it's very like. dreamy? to me?? and laid back and yet it sounds like it would be part of some action movie????? like hero training scene montage and BOOM CHASING THAT FEEEEELINGGG in the background idk...the synths are making me ascend i swear to whatever is above whoever added those synths in the instrumental deserves the best fucking head of their lives. beomgyu opening fairy, bro always makes sure to EAT THAT OPENING BROOO I LOVE HIM. AND THEN TYUN HIGH NOTE WOOOOOOOOO that Healed me...and hyuka's "come and kiss me" YEAH. YEAHHHH. can u tell i'm obsessed w this tt yet???? i need it tattooed onto my ear drums right now

DREAMER MF DREAMERRRR BROOOOOOOOOO i've been waiting for an rnb song like this from them since 20cm i fucking swear. and this just. BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER,, their falsettos are so mf pretty esp soobin's like his voice was just made for this song bro. i swear. and then we got beomgyu's falsetto too?????? wow. wowowowow. i need more rn. AND THEN YEONJUN BROO CAME IN W THE "LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU" AND I'M DYING. LIKE ACTUALLY DYING PLS DO NOT RESUSCITATE

ahahaha deep down is like. so chill and i loveee the beat omfg. like this is a song that i am going to play when i go on late night car rides, bass boosted n everything bc the beat. the BEAT. i need it injected into my veins immediately,, def not like. my fav off this album but i still enjoyed it ^^

ok happily ever after has me in a chokehold rn. i'm being so serious. it's so fun and catchy it's like a little earworm that i can't get out of my head!!!! it makes me wanna dance and sing and AHHHHH. the beginning "oh ma gawd" that was so cute...def my pick me up song bc it's so cute n fun n i definitely didn't expect to like it as much as i do <3 the power of txt <3333 LIFE IS NOT A FAIRYTALE!!!! also soobin's falsetto got me again i'm ascending yet again my friends...i feel like this song is encapsulated by the ✨️ emoji pls don't ask me to elaborate.

SKIPPING STONES. MY ABSOLUTE FAV OFF THIS ALBUM. THERE IS NO COMPETITION I FEAR.....it's very reminiscent of music i'd listen to while growing up esp the songs my dad would share with me...idk why but that connection just makes this song so much more special to me. also sounds kinda like a day6 song and as someone who loves day6 i needed this!! i love the rock influences so fucking much guys i am so obsessed with this song,,,, i need more songs like this immediately. asap. ALSO hyuka's high note. guys. guys. what the fuck. he is such a talented man i cannot rn

as if i could forget about blue spring — when i told u i started crying??? yeah, i started crying right when it started playing. i love them so fucking much u don't understand 😭😭😭 idk why they autotuned my men like that towards the end tho,, but yeah. this will be my official crying song for the foreseeable future 😁

and then. chasing that feeling english version??? hello????? i typically don't enjoy english versions too much but this one is so good omg. i def like the og more but i did enjoy it and it was a nice lil surprise!!!!

i could keep writing more but i will leave it at that. i'm sorry if u read this far u deserve financial compensation for being so strong

#me when i write an essay abt the album #my god #this album is right up my alley #i wish i had melatonin bc i don't think i can sleep now #the adrenaline rush is still going #txt did it again everyone #ashlee's bs

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toxicpineapple · 1 year

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hi, I don't know if you want to tell us more about this but... I saw an old post you wrote about toxic and healthy oumota. I was curious about how you'd write them differently, if you feel like the portrayal of the ship isn't satisfying sometimes.

it's been months since i got this ask. maybe even over a year. but the reason i left it sitting was because i wasn't sure how to articulate my feelings and thoughts and i think i've formulated properly what i want to say now.

so there are two main angles people can come from when they portray oumota in a way that i personally feel is unhealthy. both have to do with reducing either kaito or kokichi's agency.

from kokichi's end, if they kind of soften/wooby kokichi, they'll make him really wimpy and weak and focus on his small bone structure or whatever. really pick on him in the narrative and have kaito charging in to be overprotective and take care of him. a lot of times also they'll have kaito kind of acting as the. what do you call that. "seme"? except in the sense that they'll really like have kaito treat kokichi like an object, often times initiating kisses or more without asking or elaborating. a lot of size play in that dynamic, where kaito will kind of take advantage of kokichi's smaller stature. but this isn't portrayed as a bad thing i need to emphasise, like, it's written as romantic and so cute when in reality it's kinda terrifying-- especially when they'll also write kaito as overprotective and aggressive towards the others who interact with kokichi. so basically you can tell that op assigned them "girl" and "boy" roles.

on kaito's end, you'll see a lot of content where kaito is really really stupid, and wrong, and kokichi is very right. a lot of stuff playing on the idea that kaito is like, a massive hypocrite or coward and everything he puts on is a facade. i don't necessarily take issue with the read that kaito's hero complex is exaggerated -- i personally feel that he projects outwards to hide an inferiority complex -- but sometimes people push it a step too far. kaito's earnest and goofy and he likes helping people, and kokichi is NOT completely correct about him. kokichi misunderstands kaito in a lot of ways. kaito's not wrong about everything and oumota should not exist for kokichi to tell kaito "your entire ideology is flawed, come join my emo band". like i think they work because they challenge each other and if you take away that dynamic on kokichi's end and just make the pairing kaito getting schooled then i'm not into it. i also don't really like this thing oumota fans will do where they won't like. let kaito have friends lol. not that i think he has to keep any particular friends, but he should have friends outside kokichi and his relationship with kokichi. otherwise he's just kinda isolated.

what i want for oumota is for them to have a really strong back and forth. they have conflicting viewpoints in such a way where both of them is correct on the issues where the other is wrong. that's COOL because it means there's mad growth potential for them while interacting. they can challenge each other to think beyond what they've always assumed and they can also cover each other's blind spots in tough situations. i like that! it's cool.

it's important to me also that they HAVE failed each other in many ways. kokichi targets kaito's biggest insecurity repeatedly and intentionally because he fundamentally misunderstands who kaito is. kaito does not understand kokichi from the get go and struggles repeatedly to see what he's really saying, even when he says it outright. there are failures. but then they still choose to work together, they find a common ground and learn to understand each other and when everything seems hopeless, they stand up together against the killing game. that makes them stronger in my eyes than two people who have always been in agreement. this is the RIGHT choice and they BOTH think so. middle ground.

so what i look for in healthy oumota is push and pull from both sides. they're both right. they're both wrong. they can mess up and hurt each other, but i want to see them BOTH apologise and take responsibility; it can't just be kaito saying it, and kokichi DOES have to change how he communicates sometimes in order for kaito to feel seen and heard. simultaneously though, i don't want kokichi to have to change who he is or stop lying just for the relationship to work. i think oumota is strong because regardless, kaito will always chase after kokichi, he will always keep falling for the jokes-- and also, because kaito is a liar in as much the same way as kokichi is. his free time events are full of tall tales just like the kind kokichi is always telling. shuichi just sees them as more benign because they're hoeric. they're silly and childish and i want kaito to see what he does and what kokichi does aren't all that different.

i want them to play together!!! banter!!! wrestle!!!! kokichi pulls pranks on kaito and kaito chases him down and tickles him. they launch into these mad stories about whatever bullshit they made up today and leave everyone else just kind of struggling to keep up. kaito wants a partner who will challenge him and always leave him trying to get the next point. kokichi wants someone who will chase him to the ends of the earth and meet his eyes when he shows who he is. they ARE each other's ideals, they ARE the best for each other.

just. you know. some people aren't really sure how to write that.

#oumota #momota kaito #ouma kokichi

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confusedkobold · 9 months

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I was tagged by @koboldgirltailtuft to name 5 things I like! Wow, thankies!!! :3 (sorry it's late though, on vacation!) Unfortunately my answers are kinda lame past the first one because I'm kind of a basic bitch haha

1) Roller coasters. Holy shit I love roller coasters. I can see a very small section of a picture of a roller coaster from the US and there's a 90% chance I can name the ride and what park it's at, and if not I can definitely name the manufacturer and ride model.

2) Video games! Not just playing them, but I love learning about the history of video games and video game hardware. Development cycles and any interesting tidbits from development, cut content, weird easter eggs, all that shit is SO fascinating! Top 5 rapid fire, 1st to 5th: Hollow Knight, Celeste, OneShot, Phantasy Star Online Blue Burst, Bloodborne!

3) Music! I am VERY opinionated about music and I love discussing it. I love asking people what kind of music they listen to, and my least favorite answer is "I listen to everything." NO. BAD ANSWER! Tell me what you decide to listen to in your free time! And if that's multiple things, tell me! My favorite genre is djent, which is a subgenre of progressive metal, but I've been WAAAAAAY into midwest emo lately. I do jump around a lot though, from prog metal to math rock to pop punk to kawaii pop to neo folk to lo-fi hiphop. And I wanna hear what weird subgenres you listen to! Tell me why you like them! Go in depth!!! Bwah!!! Top 5 bands rapid fire 1st to 5th: Periphery, Thank You Scientist, CHON, American Football, Fleet Foxes, but outside pf Periphery, my top 5 are a lot more fluid than my top 5 games.

4) Reptiles! I know very little about reptiles as this is a more recent fascination for me, but GOD i love those funky little dudes. "Which little dudes?" Yes. Show me all. Not a single bad reptile. I have GOT to hyper fixate and learn more. Would love to one day get a Northern Blue Tongue Skink but def a lot I have to learn before that day comes!

5) Computers and electronics! Even since I was young I've always had a fascination with the technical side of things. I installed a hard drive and video card into my family computer in elementary school. I was taking apart my DSi and PSP back in middle school and putting it back together. I've built tons of computers and I used to repair consoles at my job for a while before I got swamped with other things, but that will probably come back sometime soon! :3

I nominate @purrple-bat @ghostmadewithlove @captainbaz @razzledazzlesalazzle and @fliffyy if y'all wanna do this! No worries if not though ^_^

#vivi yips #tag game

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tymime · 1 year

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For the past few years I've been taking a deep dive into various alternative genres, especially shoegaze and emo.

I initially became interested in that spectrum of rock music in my late teens (circa 2007-09), when I suddenly became aware of the type of music I had been hearing in Hot Topic and Vans Shoes stores- the latter of which is still an association I make to this day. I had also been hearing pop punk like Green Day and the recent wave of garage rock, especially since I had become a White Stripes fan a few years prior.

This stuff was very different from the classic rock I had grown up listening to on the car radio- the likes of Led Zeppelin, The Who, Boston, Queen, and Journey, as well as occasional prog tunes by Yes and Rush. (Full disclosure: 1960s and 1970s rock and pop is still my favorite kind of music, but I like to broaden my horizons.) I'm not entirely sure when and where I had first encountered alt rock- I had heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Weird Al's "Angry White Boy Polka", but other than that, all I can figure is that it was just... around. I couldn't tell you exactly what drew me to it in the first place, either. Maybe it was just different from the blond divas and boy bands everyone else my age was listening to.

I get the impression that people my age (and skin color) are expected to have already gone through a depressed, whiny thirteen-year-old phase of blasting My Chemical Romance and Jimmy Eats World in their bedroom, but that never happened to me. It's not that middle school wasn't harrowing and traumatizing, but rebelling against my parents was never an option, because I always thought they were pretty cool. I was actually listening to *more* classic rock in middle school, as well as 1950s rock 'n' roll. In hindsight, I was probably hopped up on adrenaline rather than moping. (My angsty, dark period was 18-20, and I'm not entirely sure why.)

When I did initially dip my toe into alternative, it was alongside my discovery of Christian extreme metal bands, and great many other genres, which kept me pretty busy. So it wasn't until about four years ago (once streaming music was firmly established) that I decided to really sit down and listen to these 1990s bands that lots of people keep saying are great and "defined my generation", so I feel like I'm catching up on all of it.

This was kinda the culmination of that period of my life when my guitar amp was broken and I could only play unplugged (before I discovered amp sims). I couldn't rely on merely crunching power chords and wailing minor pentatonic scales whilst masking my lack of ability and talent by cranking the gain and the EQ all the way up to ten the whole time. I had to keep from getting bored by fooling around with weird scales, modes, and strange harmonies. I think that's one of the big reasons I like emo and shoegaze in particular, 'cause those genres tend to employ interesting, colorful chords (although the music theory and power pop sides of my brain tend to cause an internal conflict of wanting more satisfying, unambiguous cadences). Just like the rock groups of three decades ago, I had grown weary of simply playing blues licks. It's almost like history repeating itself.

But something that's perhaps more meaningful is the vocal style. I find myself refreshed by the unembellished, unintimidating singing. I was never a fan of the big, over-the-top singers in pop, r&b, or even the types who sing sappy ballads like "Alfie" or "Hallelujah", with their perfect technique, dynamic breath control, and so-called expressiveness. They always screw with the melody, sing offbeat, ignore the backing band, and leave me feeling empty and emotionless. The way singers in grunge, Midwest emo, metalcore, slowcore, etc. express weariness, anxiety, quiet contemplation, self reflection, rage, sleepiness, ennui, self-doubt, or what have you unlike any musical movement before it is incredibly inspiring, and makes me feel like I don't always have to blast the eardrums of the people sitting in the back seats of the auditorium to convey the meaning of the words. I've discovered that not all emotions in rock music have to be extreme. This is especially true now that I'm an adult and I feel the urge to slow down and mellow out, probably due to waning adrenaline levels, and I rely less on loud, fast, energetic music to keep my spirits up.

That said, I still wind up defaulting back to 1960s and 1970s music after an album or two. So I still seek to strike a balance between the two.

(I suppose by now you might be wondering what my favorite bands under the alternative umbrella are. Well, so far I've been most impressed by Nirvana, Weezer, Pavement, Sunny Day Real Estate, Cursive, Snowing, Algernon Cadwallader, Bedhead, Duster, My Bloody Valentine, Lush, Slowdive, and Ringo Deathstarr.)

#alternative #alternative rock #alt rock #music #emo #shoegaze #midwest emo #pop punk #screamo #metalcore #classic rock

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alters-journal · 1 year

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🐈‍⬛ If you have an inner world did an alter consciously create it? And is anyone able to change it at will?

Okay so our inner world is actually pretty interesting and has evolved over the years. I've been waiting for an excuse to talk about it. >:) *Dr. Eggman voice* YOU FOOL! YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TALK ABOUT SOMETHING IN GREAT DETAIL MODE! MUAHAHAH! Thank you.

Okay so I've been able to access our inner world for quite some time. I usually did so when I was asleep, or going to sleep, to lessen dissociation. However, the inner world has undergone a lot of change from when I could first access it as a child.

My first experience with the inner world was in the 6th grade. I was going to sleep one night and found myself waking up in a completely pitch black area on a bed I barely recognized. At the foot of the bed was some sort of demon (who I assume is an alter who hasn't made themself known yet) telling me everything was gonna be okay. Things were tough at school and I was getting in way over my head doing things I shouldn't have been doing outside of school. Another what I can only assume was an alter at the time took the form of the grim reaper and talked to me too. Both the "demon" and the "reaper" asked me if I really wanted to continue doing the things I was doing. I told them I did. I felt disappointment from both of them. They told me to go sit by the stream and think about some things.

From then on whenever I needed to calm down I'd close my eyes and imagine myself at that stream in the pitch black area with the reaper and or the demon. I honestly hope they come back around they were chill.

(Fun note: They were both around BEFORE my emo phase begun so....)

At one point I stopped going in to the inner world because I convinced myself it was childish, just like having alters. I knew about some of them as early as the third grade but come middle school I thought I had to "grow up" and leave a lot of that behind. So, just like them, I stopped going in to my headspace.

UNTIL I became obsessed with Gravity Falls in the 7th grade.

In the 7th grade I was hanging out with this psychotic dude who was honestly my closest friend. He had a delusional attachment to Bill Cipher and I just went with it. There wasn't really terms for "fictokin" "DA" and "IRL" at the time so I just thought he was an extreme LARPer. Anyways, I might have a factroject of him I don't really know, but bc I was obsessed and BFFs with a Bill Cipher IRL and I had a Tumblr at the time guess who I introjected. You get ONE guess.

Anyway, Bill has since then fused and it was sad to see him go but we all knew it was necessary. He wanted to fuse so yk. Healing healing etc.

But before all that, Bill got bored and decided it'd be best to fuck around with our headspace and BOY did he fuck around with it.

Anyway, this all starts to read like a bill cipher x reader fanfic but fuck it man I was 13 and cringe culture is dead.

I went to bed one night and woke up in the dirt this time. I looked up at a blue, slightly clouded, sky. Bill poked his head over me and asked me if I was okay before helping me up and showing me around. He asked, and I'll never forget it;

"So, whaddya think? I did it while you were at school cause I thought it needed some spicing up."

I looked around at the intense complexity of it. Birds in the distance, trees surrounding us, dirt pathways, nature calling and filling my ears. A rich, earthy sent filled my lungs. It was extremely vivid, I had no idea my mind was even capable of creating something so complex and real.

"I love it." I whispered. I remember crying a little too.

"It's your mind. You deserve to feel at home and comfortable in it." Bill said patting me on the back.

Then he showed me around. There was a train station. A train that would show me more to headspace. Its tracks went in a loop that edged closer to the mountains in the distance. Bill said they were mostly decorative and unreachable. He showed me the "consciousness shack". It was located on one end of the mindscape as we called it at the time. I'd go in to become conscious. AKA, that's where the front was. Near the front however there was this dark part of the forest that always made me feel uneasy. He told me I shouldn't go near there. Still to this day that part of headspace makes me uneasy but I sure as hell aint brave enough to go look.

He showed me the cliff with the dream mist last. Its this weird part of headspace where you can kind of walk off a cliff and be drifted into unconsciousness. If you REALLY wanna have lucid dreams that night you gotta go walk off the cliff. The mist carries you and you just lose feeling. It's strangely relaxing. I think its a lot of fun personally.

Anyway, 7th grade was coming to an end when I thought It was time for me to move past my "daydreams" with the ever famous tumblr sexyman. To move on from my fun little "daydream world". I was an adult now after all! /sar. But for some reason I couldn't. My friend was slowly moving on from his own Bill Cipher phase. Why couldn't I?

I remember we got into an argument one night. I told him he wasn't real and that I had to move on and grow up. He demanded that he was real. After the fight he did something he later admitted was petty. Before he fused we all made up. He said

"If you're so damn sure that all of this is fake, that all my hard work for you is just a figment of YOUR imagination DESPITE your breathlessness the moment you stepped foot in MY creation-" He paused to catch his breath. "If you want to be the only one here so bad then see how long you last without us!"

And with that he slammed the door to the shack and I woke up in a cold sweat. I wasn't entirely sure who or where I was but the inner world was inaccessible from that moment forward until I realized I was a system a few years ago. When I even learned that systems had a headspace.

It had been years and I had long since forgotten the richness of what the world once was. I found myself in a small, dimly lit, wooden cabin with a few other people. Two doors lead somewhere. One to dormancy and one to a place we were too scared to go to. It was new to all of us and we didn't want to risk anything. What if something terrible happened when we opened that unknown door? We were scared of it. But, as more alters returned from dormancy our little shack grew. Soon it became apparent that this little one room cabin wasn't going to cut it for all of us.

I took it up as my duty as a host to open the door and see what was out there for myself. Low and behold, not a thing changed. The world was the same as the day I left it.

The gatekeepers worked on expanding the cabin, we now have an upper floor designated to all of our bedrooms. Only the gatekeepers can alter headspace itself. Not even I can change the space we occupy.

Not long after the discovery of the outdoors Bill came back and we made peace with each other. He told me once again that he had created this world for me, for all of us. He thought after all we suffered we deserved somewhere to go and feel at peace in our own mind. And thats what it still is today. Headspace is an escape for all of us when things get too tough in the real world. Its a nice thing to have honestly.

More recently, an alter named Snow, ventured to the bottom of the cliff. He discovered it was actually a ravine that served as an excellent pathway to the mountains and as a backdoor to dormancy. He recommended that nobody should really go there because the mountains are freezing.

Last month Marquet showed me something. Hidden by some of the trees he found the old stream, now flowing like a river. It's a fun little spot to sit and relax at so we're clearing a pathway to there so its easier to get to.

And last week Marquet showed me something else. He flew me up above the dream mist by the cliff and showed me that there is still more land to be discovered. Snow said he'd go out and explore it sometime soon so, there's even more to our headspace we'll be discovering soon.

ANDDDDDD that's the chronicles of our headspace. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

#headspace #asks #endos dni #sorry not sorry

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oliverandrews · 2 years

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The Magical Thong

by Oliver Andrews

Chapter 1

I was hanging out with my friends, and doing some shopping at the mall. It was all fun. I got myself some new clothes at the thrift store and went to drink a smoothie, the shit you do when you're in college and not partying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a nerd or anything. I weighed 210 pounds or 6ft 3. I was the monster of the baseball team, but I wasn't that terrifying with my cute face, pale skin, and brown wavy hair. I tried to look clean and be a little fashionable. You're probably wondering then what's the problem... I was being blessed by genetics, but too freaking much. My butt was so huge I couldn't keep underwear for more than a week, any boxers, briefs, or jock are instantly ripping. Fucking glutes. I also had wide shoulders but that's fine. The second problem is my boobs. My pecs were so round, so bulgy and squishy it felt like I was a fucking woman. And the cherry on top was my oversensitive nipples. God bless America so I can find 4xl shirts.

At a moment, my two homies, Tyler and Josh decided to follow a group of chicks, they were clearly gonna get rejected, like who makes a move on a girl while she's with her group?

"Come on bro, we have more chance to get a date if you come with us," Tyler said

"I'm telling you it's dumb, they're just gonna laugh at you"

"Damn dude, you're such a pain in the ass when it's bout girls"

"Man, for real, we've been friends since middle school I've never seen you get laid like are you... sus" Josh clapped back

"Stop saying shit, they are five you don't do that the fuck. And I am the one sus do I need to remind you of Elijah's party"

"SHUT UP!" both answered immediately, Tyler followed "It happened once and we were both drunk"

"You joking y'all spent all night making out" I laughed as they turned red.

"Come on bro, we're gonna show them how straight men get pussy" Josh took Ty by the arm and went to see the girl group.

As I expected the girls just laughed and left. They came back pouting. I burst into laughing

"I guess Tyler the only head you're getting tonight is from josh" they both turned red

"Stop it man" I stopped joking when I saw they were uncomfortable but for my defense when you see your homie sitting on your other homie's lap and they make out the whole night, there's something more than friendship.

We went back to our shopping and they told me about the girl and stopped in front of a store.

"The fuck is this" Josh said

"It looks so fucking cool" Tyler was gasping, the guy despite being on the baseball team was also a little emo/punk boy. Currently, he was wearing a bleached buzzcut but he once arrived with pink hair and I'm telling you we made fun of him. But he kept on his project and got a couple piercing like in his nose, some on each ear, and his nipples too. When he showed us his bare torso and the metal shining on his pecs, I was how can he resist like mine are too sensitive for this.So Tyler ran into the shop, the place was dark with a lot of pink neons someone was getting tattooed, you couldn't see it but by the "buzz" it was obvious. We were on the clothing/accessory side and a Korean guy went to greet us.

"Hello, welcome, what can I help you with" the guy was fit with short jet black hair in a tight t-shirt and jeans also black his arms and neck were tattooed.

"We're just looking, thanks," Josh said smiling at the clerk.

Tyler already disappeared into the shop while with Josh we looked between the rows full of emo-punk cloth. There was some cool ass shirt. It was all fun and game until josh spoke to me

"Can I tell you something Aaron?" he said almost whispering

"Yes..." I looked concerned, scared of what he was about to say. I look at his green eyes. Josh was a cute boy for real, he was smaller than us but was on the gymnastic team, he was pretty classic, the hoodie and shorts kind.

"You know what happened at Elijah's party, I just want to tell you that, I just had been doubting a lot about my sexuality at the moment and I talked about it with Ty and you know with the drinks it ended like that but I'm not gay so I just wanted to ask you if we could like just forget this."He was totally embarrassed and was avoiding my eyes.

"I'm sorry dude, I never meant to embarrass you, it's all forgotten"

"Thanks, man," he said and we hugged.

"OH... MY... GOD..." Ty said loudly, we found him in the underwear section, Holding what seemed to be a g-string. I looked a Josh.

"What were we talking bout?" he slightly punch my shoulder and went with a "shut up bro"

"Aaron, I bet you 50 dollars you won't try it," he said to me determined.

"Why would I even do that"

"DUDE! you are LITERALLY complaining 24/7 about the size of your HUMONGOUS ROYAL BEHIND" He said in the last part with a very cliché/distinguished voice.

"Okay, I'm in" still I don't what I am gonna do with the 50 bucks. I took the slutty thing and went to the fitting rooms. The clerk was there folding clothes. Stay calm I thought It was just a thong.

"You found something you want to try on"

"Yes I'd like to try this" I showed the thong and heard my fellow dumb bros giggling behind.

The clerk started grinning and said "You know there is currently a special offer on this brand 3 for the price of one and I think the two gentlemen would like to try some on, you can go number 6"

"No, we're going-" Ty did not have the time to interject that the clerk disappeared into the storeI laughed and went into the stall. I rapidly got naked and put the small piece of fabric on. I looked at the poor triangle of fabric and realized it was written "See THE truth" on it, a weird name for a thong collection. Actually, Ty was right it fitted me perfectly I tried the ultimate exercise and squatted, The string rubbed onto my asshole which sent me to shiver but the whole thing was still intact and my junk was covered.

"Guys I think I'm buying it" I got outside the stall, I took a couple a funny and sexy pose while they were sitting on the black velvet couch. we all laughed.

"You're sure you want to buy it, you know it was a joke," Josh said more concerned.

"Yeah for real dude look my junk is maintained, that means no cock jumpscare like at Andrew's party, and look, I can fucking squat." I then proceeded to show them my ass.

"OH BOY! Man get this pussy out of my face" Ty laughed

The clerk came back and handed a baby blue mesh brief to Josh and a Hot pink bikini to Ty.

"Damn I like it feels reminds me of my old hair," Ty said entering the stall. Josh did the same.They both came out at the same moment.

"Those fit you really well" the clerk sat and I couldn't agree more but my mouth gasped when Josh took his hands off his groin. The Dudes cock was so heavy and huge. The mesh was doing nothing more but revealing the huge yet soft piece of meat.

"Man your packing," I said to him and he blushed. We all went back and changed.

"Do you need more or do you want to check out now?" the clerk said.

"I'd like to pay please," Ty said, I had won the bet though.

"Do you want to sign up for a membership for more offers?" We all looked at each other. When my turn came and I gave him my contact details, I felt a sizzling down my back.

"Oh, and because you signed up the store offers you this" He added three black see-through crop tops in our paper bag.

It was getting quite late so we decided to get back home.

During the drive home, no one talked and we just enjoyed the music. I drove my two mates to their places and then got home. I did my laundry fast so I could have the thong for the next day. I started making dinner since my father and brother weren't home yet. My brother worked for my father that was a lawyer so we had a pretty comfortable life.

I grew up in an athlete family my father was the quarterback in Uni, and my Brother was an elite-level swimmer, so it was in my genes to shine in baseball.

Our family photos ended up looking like those calendars with the hot men.

My mother was the same age as my father, they had us really young. They were eighteen when Adam was born and 22 when I was. My mother backed off really fast and disappeared from our lives when I was two so it was taboo to talk about her.

My father, Michael, was 43 and was a real dilf, I never saw him date someone but he could grab any chicks he wanted. And for my brother, he kinda looked like superman but the speedos he wore were much more filled.

We had dinner, and after saying everyone goodnight, I went to get my fresh laundry back. God bless technology.

I got back to my bathroom which was adjacent to my bedroom, I tried the thong again and it really suited me, it made my bulge look really nice u could distinguish my heavy shaved balls and soft cock.

I was getting horny so I got into the shower. I pinched my left nipple, and massaged my balls, the hot water was softening my muscles, and as my cock was hardening the uncut head appeared. I always percummed a lot so it was already all lubed. I slowly jerked off-hand on my chest and I don't know from where but I saw the lube bottle I generally used with girls. I took the lube, pour a little on my hand and I rubbed my finger against my hole. I felt an electric jolt.

"AaAAh" I moaned, iI was really an amazing sensation, I jerked harder and I felt it. There was this itch deep inside of me. I didn't think twice and pushed my finger. It was good but I could do more. I added a second finger then a third.

My hole was really hot and tight but my fingers weren't big enough. I turned the water off and dried myself completely frustrated. I put the thong back and it hit me, like a vision.

The thing I needed was in my drawer. So I locked the door and went to open my drawer and by surprise where I used to put my outstretched boxer (never forget the size of my butt), there were jockstraps, every color possible. I searched through it and found it. A hot pink realistic dildo.

The thing was like 7inches which is a very noble size. I wasted no time, lubed back my hole and I squatted on the neon pink cock. When the fake head entered me my eyes turned white, my knees weakened and the unexpected arrived, I fell. The 7inches of the dildo impaled me in a second

. My cock that wasn't in the thong pouch shot the biggest load of my whole life.

I needed like 20 minutes to get back on my feet the orgasm blew my mind, it was like fireworks inside of me. When I checked myself in the mirror my hole was like opening the closing quite fast. It was pretty hot actually. I cleaned everything and got to sleep.

Hello, Thanks for reading. This is a new story and I hope u like it. Actually it was an old story of mine that i posted under another name on this website but I wanted to improve it. In the comment tell me what u would like to see or what u thought.

If y'all want to chat or get the exclusive draft do not hesitate and send me a message on my twitter or by mail.

@oli_AndrewsgayD

[email protected]

Lots of love.

Oliver Andrews

#gay gym #gay men #gay #hot male #gaydemon #muscle #gay interest #erotyk #gaylife #queer community #queer #sexyboys #men

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mayhems-enstars-brainrot · 5 months

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self introduction!!

what's good!! my name's mayhem, i use they/them pronouns and i'm an 18 year old college student majoring in japanese (playing ensemble stars actually does help me learn a little bit lol). i've been playing ensemble stars for a month or two so i'm only rank 43 right now :/ but holy hell i am obsessed with this game. i love rhythm games (even though i'm not very good at them) and the characters in this game are fantastic, i've been hyperfixated on it for like a month and my friends are sick of me lmao

as my bio says, i'm a shuP/valkyrieP; yes i love mika as well, but there's just something about shu that makes me adore him more than any other character in the game. maybe it's because he's weird and strange but also sweet at times? maybe it's the fact that he's a (technically successful) cringefail? i don't know. but ever since i saw ex-valkyrie's 2-episode arc in the anime he's had me in a chokehold!! his character development!!! the artistry!!!!! UNMATCHED!!!!!!!

anyway... other characters i love and why!!

-wataru: he's silly :3 and i love his voice. fills me with serotonin every time i hear him go SuBarAsHii~ in the middle of a live. he is... the only member of fine i don't hate. eichi is a complex character but i personally do NOT like him (also i'm a shuP of course i hate him). tori is a brat. and yuzuru is barely worth mentioning. but i love how chaotic and goofy wataru is. truly the only good member of fine

-mayoi: if you couldn't tell, i love men that are weird and strange!!! love them dearly. also i kind of relate to him, at least with him having intrusive thoughts (that shit fucked me over in middle school lol). i love his hair and i love his sharp teeth and i love how he actually cares so much that it's the only thing that can override his anxiety. lastly, if i had vents and could go from place to place without being noticed you bet your ass i would every time.

-rinne: now i haven't finished chapter 5 of part 1 so i'm not sure how his story ends. however, i can say i've thoroughly enjoyed seeing him cause problems on purpose. i love when i'm in a live and he goes KYAHAHA and i'm like oh right rinne is here. his character development in the first half of chapter 5 alone has been amazing so i'm excited to see where his story goes.

-rei: as someone who very much identifies with the whole goth/emo/alt aesthetic, you KNOW undead is among my favorite units. rei is an amazing character in the anime (i mean, he helps so much, trickstar literally wouldn't have been able to do any of the shit they did without him) AND he made eichi faint by whispering some hard truths in his ear. based.

-leo: sadly i haven't seen that much of him, both in-game and in-anime, but i adore his energy. i'm also a songwriter, so i get the artistic struggle and whatever bullshit. honestly i think he's really cute and i'm excited to keep watching the anime because i'm on episode 13 and they showed him in episode 12 so surely that means he'll be in the show soon right guys? right?

anyway!! now i'm gonna move on to my favorite songs (and you'll probably be able to tell what my favorite units are based on them lol)

2wink: play tag, welcome to 2wink acrobatics

AKATSUKI: akatsuki iroha song, festival night picture scroll, strike -blade of resolve-, wild blooming flowers, pale red promise, perfectly-imperfect

ALKALOID: believe 4 leaves, kiss of life, hysteric humanoid, living on the edge, artistic partisan

Crazy:B: ariadne at the fingertips, crazy roulette, honeycomb summer, risky venus, helter-spider (idc that it's for halloween it bangs)

Double Face: =EYE=, stippling (these are the only double face songs i know)

Eden: the genesis, dance in the apocalypse, majestic magic, sunlit smile (eve), the beast of the end (adam)

Fine: never-ending symphony, neo sanctuary, holy angel's carol, crossing heart, the tempest night (wataru ily. 「愛」!!)

Knights: grateful allegiance, little romance, mystic fragrance, voice of sword

Ra*bits: joyful box, fallin' love=it's wonderland (best ra*bits song by far), love ra*bits party, milky starry charm

Ryuseitai: comet halation, unrivaled meteor ranger, ryusei hanabi

Switch: majestic magic, fragments of imagination, emerald planet

Trickstar: only your stars, rebellion star, crossing heart

UNDEAD: gate of the abyss, immoral world, melody in the dark, nightless world, valentine's eve nightmare, destruction road

Valkyrie: acanthe, kohaku to ruri no rondo, gaisenka, cloth waltz (UNDERRATED ASF), memoire antique, raisanka, enthralling theatre, tonight on the moonlit castle, sei shounen yuugi, sajou no roukaku, eternal weaving

also. bukubu new stars. koga ball <3

i think that's pretty much it? i guess i could confirm i'd consider my "favorite" units to be valkyrie (duh), undead, crazy:b, akatsuki, and alkaloid. i'm also aware that valkyrie just released a new album like a couple weeks ago so i surely will be checking that out and giving it a good listen over the next few days. i'm excited to meet more ensemble stars fans :3 if you wanna be mutuals just lmk i'm starved for people to ramble autistically to!!!!!!

#ensemble stars #self introduction

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ponderousorb · 11 months

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More ramblings re: the Dexter Friends Extended Universe

word vomit below the cut, cw: depression and dysphoria mentions, also weed mention but very briefly Mainly to do with Mandark, Surfer Boy, Dee Dee and her friends

So in this universe, which I would say is pretty much my own bubble universe and nothing I would expect as canon, especially since the Powerpuff girls are just There, I've been thinking about how the timeline goes. One of the themes I'm interested in is the idea that people can change and evolve, especially from childhood, and Dexter learning slowly to make his thinking less black-and-white. (He has a real problem in the show thinking in binaries/opposites like "girl things" vs "boy things" and good vs evil even in situations where it doesn't really apply. Very typical kid thing to do and, doubly so with the heavy autism-coding let's be real. Anyways, my bubble universe subscribes to the Trans Mandark theory because we love Applicability in Storytelling, even if accidental. I'm now currently debating when Mandark and Taylor met back up, because Mandark pretty understandably avoided the beach through puberty bc it's a dysphoria nightmare, but I don't think he'd be very comfortable explaining that to people.

So I'd imagine Mandark avoided him, not knowing how to handle stuff and feeling deeply embarrassed and awkward, and the fact they go to different schools would make this easier. I'm debating whether they stay in contact via text/skype as was the style at the time, I'm thinking yes, but Mandark does not want to meet up in person because he has horrendous self-esteem at this point, you know - being 15 and all that - and doesn't want to be perceived by this very cool person that gives him confusing feelings. Taylor remains kind of hung up on this boy that gave *him* funny feelings and Marie teases him about his 'imaginary boyfriend' they've never met.

I am thinking Goo's parents and Mandark's parents probably are aquaintences because they seem to be part of the same very hippy-dippy crowd (Goo's parents being less intense and giving her more actual free expression, but not realizing she's lonely), so she probably knows Mandark through that and likely getting put in a Gifted Class or two together in High School. (It's the 2000's so I can't imagine Goo gets diagnosed as ND even though she clearly is, lmao) Dee Dee would also probably be friends with Nazz as Popular girls who Do Sports, but like - casual friends. They don't necessarily hang out in the same group all the time but will be the connector piece for several smaller groups to hang out together and go to parties. Dee Dee's besties in highschool are Goo and Bubbles who are extremely like... colourful and energetic and Nazz has Alt Girl stoner vibes (since childhood, irrespective of actual weed being involved) so they're quite different but have this mutual respect, you know? So Nazz's main group is Taylor and Marie (maybe I will think of others), and both her and Dee Dee also can command a crowd of others for parties etc with their popularity. So, if Dee Dee is having a RAWR XD scene girl party, Goo asks if she can bring her friend from her AP classes, Dee says sure and it ends up being mandark in the middle of his Emo phase - he gets extremely embarrassed over his past behavior and spends the night hiding from Dee Dee who is oblivious to all this. Nazz turns up with her skater crew and, in his efforts to hide from Dee Dee, Mandark walks straight into Taylor who is HYPED to see him. Eventually, Mandark and Dee Dee mend fences and strike up a tentative friendship through Goo, but Dee Dee is at first still pretty sus about him, and in fairness she has every right to be. Dexter also still sees Mandark as his arch-nemesis despite this kid getting hit with depression like a ton of bricks. But he has an 'evil aesthetic' according to Dexter so he must be plotting something dark. This actually spurs Dee Dee to befriend him more because she hates Dexter telling her what to do, and they bond over their terrible, terrible poetry. Bubbles probably becomes closest to him because she's a sucker for taking in wounded animals and he has wet cat energy, that and their music tastes overlap a wild amount. (Bubbles is a huge System of a Down fan) - Bubbles also feels like she can let out her Dark Side around this emo friend of hers, in a way her sisters would usually laugh at, and Dee Dee and Goo don't always know how to relate to. Like yeah Dee and Goo feel sad and angry sometimes, but Bubbles has this real issue since she was little of no one taking her seriously, and treating her like a little insipid baby, and it ties into how Mandark's parents treat him.

#ramblings #dexter's lab chatter

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bulletholemagazine · 1 year

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MARCH/FEBRUARY DUG UP FROM THE GRAVE

The jist of these types of posts is I'll be sending older bands I've discovered recently. Enjoy!

1. Stampin' Ground

Stampin' Ground were a UK band. Not that you'd tell, this sounds like Slayer on amphetamines and NYHC combined. I don't remember exactly how I found them, but I know it was this song and I know I was going monkey over it. It's so absurdly fast and the breakdown hits perfectly. Thrash wasn't dead in the 90's apparently, metalheads just don't know where to look. Their first three albums (one in 1998, one in 2000, and one in 2003 which I'll talk about in a bit) are very straightforward crossover thrash + earth crisis kind of moshy hardcore parts (all tuned to an e flat because of course it is) and their last album gets a bit bouncier and more hxc-leaning. At the time the new wave of american metal was getting its kickstart and I imagine the band was having some internal problems, so they split up after that and haven't done anything since. Now, the 2003 is interesting, since it's a split with the fucking NORTHSIDE KINGS of all bands. Y'know, the band whose singer is famous for punching Glenn Danzig? And the band with song titles such as "Giving emo kids something to really cry about" and "Fuck The Middle East"? Admittedly not a good look for them, but they're brits so I don't even know if they had any idea of what they were getting themselves into with this. Alas, they made some good music and dipped. Next.

2. Concealment

I found these guys through Starkweather's Spotify page. They had a split together and it interested me enough to see who these guys are. And GODDAYUMMMMM THIS SHIT IS GOOD!!!!!! Techdeathy mathcore that hits extremely hard and doesn't spare a single chug or dissonant chord. Their material's just been uploaded to Spotify 3 years ago, their first release was in 2007 and their second album dropped in 2010. The band is still active apparently, as their neat lil facebook page would suggest. Wonder if they'll ever put out anything else. Also, apparently they were (or still are, idk) signed to Total Dissonance Worship, which when I found that out it instantly clicked. If you aren't familiar, that label has put out stuff like Ion Dissonance and Plebeian Grandstand (Thinking of making a video on my YT about them, maybe for Trustkill as well). I think you could make a solid case for this being early deathcore considering that.

3. Left To Vanish

FUCK DOES THIS GO. Left To Vanish are a Philadelphia metalcore/deathcore band that started alllll the way back in 2001 IN HIGHSCHOOL, and as far as I can find their earliest release was in 2005, back during the days of logos-in-impact-font-core. Very ahead of their time, kind of in the same vain as A Life Once Lost in that regard. They then were making music until 2009, but broke up only to reunite in 2016, which makes them the only band still putting out stuff actively. Their latest EP is extremely good(they have a song with jesse leach on it!!!), they've sort of moved on from this firstwavey sound into something more contemporary and it's pretty amazing how well they've managed to adjust, considering a lot of the old school deathcore bands couldn't. Go show the guys some love and listen to their stuff, they absolutely deserve it. If you like Animosity and early Suicide Silence their 2007/2008 era stuff perfectly fits in that style of deathcore.

Thanks for reading!!! That'll probably do it for the zine posts this month, unless something else really interesting comes out while march still isn't over. I might still do another new releases post for other smaller bands (and for the 2 people reading this). Besides that, I'm still working on music and I'm trying to find time to record videos for the YT channel. Stay tuned :3

#Spotify #music #metal music #heavy metal #metalcore #metalhead #deathcore #death metal #punk #rock #hard rock #music review #music release #music recap #good music

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

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𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔 (𝑲𝒊𝒎 𝑯𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒋𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒈) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

Part Two

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡/𝐄𝐦𝐨! 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)/ 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐀𝐔

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥/𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞/𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐞/𝐝*𝐜𝐤 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 (𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 (𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐣𝐨𝐛 (𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐩*𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧).

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐅𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐘/𝐍 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟓𝐊+

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @hanatiny @vocalyunho @galaxteez (payback you little bitch)

✽+†+✽――――✽+†+✽✽+†+✽――――✽+†+✽

Awoken from her daydream, Y/N grumbled when her best friend shoved his notebook in her face.

"Earth to Y/N!" He shouted as he ruffled her hair with the object in his hand.

"Mingi! What the hell?" She complained as she pushed the notebook away.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past 3 minutes. Are you even listening to me?" He questioned her.

"I am!" She interjected.

Giving her a quizzical look, he crossed his arms.

"Really? Then can you tell me what the answer is?"

Ripping the notebook from his hands, she looked over the equation that filling half the page, squinting at it every now and then before ultimately admitting defeat as she slowly handed it back to the genius sitting next to her on the bench.

Rolling his eyes, Mingi let out a small sigh as he began packing up his belongings, deeming it useless to continue his semi-tutoring session.

"Don't give me that look Min, not everyone is a cute nerd like you that can solve an advanced calculus problem in mere seconds."

"Ok! Although that may be true.." He held up a finger as he paused to fully zip up his bag.

"You're pretty smart too Y/N."

She gave him a small thankful smile at his comment.

"You're problem isn't that you're dumb. Your problem is currently standing right over there."

She hesitantly tilted her head to where his head gestured at, knowing fully well what she'd see. But as soon as she caught a glimpse of the black combat boots, her eyes stayed fixated on the figure reclining against the lamppost. Her eyes trailed up his ripped black skinny jeans, up his torso which was covered by a striped black and dark red turtleneck, its sleeves peeking out of the black studded leather jacket layered on top, until they landed on his nonchalant gaze. His eyes were looking down at his phone, the input connected to the headphones that were currently resting on top of his dark ash grey head. That was how one would mostly find Kim Hongjoong: lost in his own little world, blocking out the rest of his environment with a click of his music playlist, no doubt filled with bands like Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin and MCR. Y/N wasn't going to lie, more than once she often thought about playing a G note near him just to see if he'd react or not. Thinking about him actually reacting to anything made her giggle on the inside.

"And there you go again!" Mingi's voice yelled in her ear.

She was so startled by his piercing scream, she actually fell over and hit the pavement kinda hard. She winced as she felt a pain on her derriere.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." She groaned as she began lifting herself up.

Out of nowhere, a pair of arms scooped her up and helped her stand upright.

"You all right?" The person asked.

"I think so. Thank you for-"

Her words got caught on her throat as a pair of dark brown eyes looked at her, black eyeliner smoked out to accentuate the shape of his eyes and make them look more intense than they already were.

He smirked at her before looking over at Mingi and nodding at him.

"Yunho sent you the invite right?"

Although he was quite familiar and somewhat friendly with Hongjoong, Mingi still had a hard time talking to him, so he merely tilted his head down in a half nod.

"So you're coming or are you going to stay home again and study for any surprise quiz Professor Nam might try to give us?"

Mingi poked his bottom lip out, somewhat offended at being called out like that. The dark male let out a soft snort.

"Seriously Mingi, going out once in a while won't hurt you. You don't even have to get fucked up if you don't want. Just come hang out."

Turning his attention back at the girl silently admiring him, he flashed her a wink.

"Bring a friend if you want too."

Bringing the headphones up to cover his overly pierced ears, he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away in that usual way of his that made several people think he was on his way to commit a felony or crime.

Y/N watched him leave until he was completely out of sight, and even then, she still stayed staring at the corner he turned. Leaning in, Mingi stared at her with widened eyes.

"Your middle school phase of liking Andy Biersack copycats is really showing Y/N."

She scoffed and pushed his face away from hers.

"Shut up, you act like you didn't have your own infatuation with Hayley Williams."

Mingi stiffened, his ears turning slightly red at the memories.

"I got over it didn't I?"

"I don't know? Did you?" She wiggled her eyebrows at him teasingly.

"Some friend you are. And here I was actually thinking of taking you with me to the weekend bash Yunho and his friends invited me to."

Y/N looked at him in disbelief.

"First off, why would they even invite you? You're not even a part of their clique. Second, even if they had invited you, you wouldn't go. You're too uptight." She accused him.

Squinting his eyes at her, Mingi cleared his throat.

"For your information, I got paired up with Yunho, Hongjoong and Jongho once for a group project and we actually keep in touch since then."

Y/N dropped her hands to the side, a loud slapping noise made against her thighs.

"When was this?"

"Around the time you went to that trip with your parents back home." He answered.

Her mouth dropped open.

"And you never told me this because.....?"

Mingi rolled his eyes.

"Because you would have teased me or would have said something about a nerd, a jock, a teacher's pet and an emo goth, whatever hell spawn demon he is, in a room together and actually getting along."

"I mean, I get them getting along, not so sure about a boring old prick like you though." She stuck her tongue out at him.

Mingi held his fingers up, threatening to flick her forehead if she continued, but Y/N flinched away.

"You ass. And here I was actually thinking of going and taking you so you can hit on your dream boy." He expressed as he began his walk back home, already deeming it late to stay behind on campus grounds.

Following suit and placing herself on his left, Y/N uttered out.

"He's not my dream boy..."

"Really? Then why do you keep drooling over him and looking at him with googly eyes about to pop out of their sockets?" He inquired.

"He's just.....he's just a complex character. Full of mystery and shrouded in this dark aura that I want to get past and see what's behind it...."

She hesitated even though she was supposed to be answering a question. She felt kinda stupid for thinking like that, making Hongjoong seem like some type of enigma when in reality, he could just be a normal person like all the other people that walked past her on the streets. Her friend didn't judge her though, owing some of her curiosity to her psychology major and passion. Slumping an arm around her, he playfully nuzzled his nose against her cheek, making her emit a half-whine half snort hybrid sound at his antics, trying to release herself from his grasp.

"You're so cute. Now come on. I have to take you shopping."

Not even bothering to ask if she had plans or needed to be somewhere else, Mingi linked hands with her and pulled her with him as he speedily walked in the direction of the nearest mall available.

"Explain to me why that is necessary Einstein? You always hated going shopping with me." She nearly tripped trying to keep up with his long strides.

"Because if you want to win emo boy's heart, you at least gotta start looking like his type." He called back at her.

"And what exactly would his type be?"

"Just trust me and leave it all to me."

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Y/N wasn't sure about trusting Mingi anymore as they made their way through a dense, misty and dark forest, the only illumination available being the moonlight that casted a blue tinted beam at their surroundings. Her head whipped with every strange noise that came from bushes or behind a tree. It was kinda chilly and the light breeze that whooshed past them had her legs shivering, making her regret wearing the distressed black shorts and fishnet tights under an oversized Scorpions tshirt that covered most of the shorts, making it look like a no pants look.

"Mingi? Are you sure about this?" She was only thankful of her purchase of some Dr. Martens 1460 black boots which helped her not fall or trip easily on the dirt road.

Mingi, who was an even more scared baby than she was, was fumbled with the sleeves of his pullover hoodie.

"Yeah, Yunho sent me directions and it should be around here somewhere..." He tussled his hair back, trying to hear or distinguish any sound.

"Are you sure he didn't send you to his murder site?" She asked, looking around for any suspicious thing.

Right at that moment, a figure jumped out in front of them, causing both of them to start screaming in terror. Mingi in particular, pushed Y/N to the side and began running in the opposite direction.

"Well dang, he didn't even let me yell boo or something."

Y/N recognized the buff male in front of her as Choi Jongho, the running back of the football team. Giving her an apologetic look, he helped her up after Mingi accidentally pushed her onto the dirt. As she dusted the dirt off, Jongho looked at her band tee.

"Scorpions?" He pointed at it.

He uttered a small 'cool' before signaling her to follow him. Turns out, they were actually not far off from the location, which was actually an old abandoned 2 story summer house that resembled more a barn to her than an actual living space. Cars were all parked out around the area and music was blasting from speakers connected to who knows where. People who hung outside were either vaping their Juuls and chugging back bottles of Smirnoff or Mike's Hard beers, some already halfway to being wasted while others simply held it in their hands, hardly taking a sip as they scanned around trying to find someone to go back home with.

"Don't worry about Mingi. I'll go get him......eventually."

Hearing him snicker, Y/N was actually more worried about herself than Mingi. She only agreed to come because, as surprising as it was, he encouraged her to and knowing he'd be there by her side, being the only person she could stick to cause she did not know anyone else, gave her a little bit of courage. But not anymore after he just totally ditched her and left her alone in God knows where.

Seeing her shift around uncomfortably as they passed through a crowd of wild jumping people, Jongho laced his fingers in hers and brought her over to a more quiet side of the place, where 3 other people were standing around, chatting amongst themselves. Once the two huddled up close to each other saw Jongho and a mystery girl they'd never seen before, they began nudging and whispering among themselves, one of them chuckling under his breath. Hongjoong could already guess what his friend's conversations was about, but he simply rolled his eyes at their behavior and lustful gazes.

Until he turned his head and saw who it was next to Jongho. Then took out the red vape in from his lips and made it a point to exhale the fumes onto the younger member's faces.

"Yah! Hyung! What the hell?" His friend with cat like eyes remarked as he coughed and fanned away the cancerous smoke.

"Just cause you don't care about contracting lung's disease at an early age, doesn't mean San or I want any part of it." The other said.

"Wow. I'm impressed you actually know what contracting means Wooyoung." He smiled amusingly at his younger friend, who was not very pleased with his little joke.

"Hey guys! While trying to retrieve Mingi, I made a new friend." Jongho greeted them like a happy bunny as he held up his hand which was still holding Y/N's.

Hongjoong's eyes narrowed down at where they connected, an eyebrow raised at their physical contact as the hand that held his vape pen began fidgeting it rapidly between his fingers. Jongho of course was oblivious to the anger burning through Hongjoong's stare while Wooyoung and San caught on pretty quick and began debating whether to laugh or step in before bottles were thrown.

"Ok, so where is Mingi now?" San asked him.

"He ran off." Jongho shrugged.

Not wanting to miss the opportunity, Wooyoung pushed himself in between them both, effectively separating them as he pulled Jongho away.

"Great! Now we gotta go find him before he gets lost."

Looking back at Y/N, he waved.

"Hi! I'm Wooyoung, I'm bi and goodbye! You seem nice. Hopefully there's a next time."

Y/N blinked at the flamboyant boy's introduction and exit, wondering if it was planned or-

"No he didn't actually mean to rhyme. He's cute but too dumb to make up a poem on the spot." San answered the question on her mind.

Looking back at Hongjoong, he smiled mischievously.

"Hongjoong definitely can. He's into dark poetry and that Edward Pie guy. Have him recite something to you."

Hongjoong fumed at San who merely patted his shoulder and placed his cup in Hongjoong's hand before sauntering off with the other two.

"Edgar Allen Poe you fucking moron!" Hongjoong yelled as he lifted the cup up, tempted to throw it at him.

Y/N held her hand to her lips for a brief instant, trying to suppress the smile threatening to form across her lips. Hongjoong sighed as he stared down at the contents in the cup, swirling it around casually before holding it out to Y/N.

"Want some?" He offered.

"Umm....sure?"

She didn't even know why she accepted it. She'd never drank before in her life and for all she knew, it could have been laced with something. But not wanting to look like a little priss, she took a deep breath before trying to gulp down whatever alcohol was inside. It burned down her throat and she spat some of it back in the cup, unable to hide the cringing expression at the strong liquor.

"What. Is. That?" She questioned as she wiped the liquid that was on her chin and lips.

Hongjoong snorted as he responded that it was straight vodka, making Y/N feel embarrassed to have let him see such a spectacle from her.

"You're not much of a drinker are you? Or hardly one right?"

Her sheepish look was a dead giveaway which had Hongjoong laughing slightly, his lips parting slightly. Y/N was not only surprised to hear him laugh for the first time, but was intrigued when she saw something metallic on his tongue, making her wonder if he was chewing on something. Noticing her curious gaze, Hongjoong's lip curled up at one corner.

"Oh. That's just a piercing."

He had no qualms and simply stuck his tongue out to let her see the silver bar that was plunged through his tongue, each end having a round ball.

"Wow.....that's impressive." She couldn't deny it was extremely attractive.

Hongjoong himself was just attractive in general. Standing there wearing his usual leather jacket, a black tshirt with red letters, and a red turtleneck peeking out from the top, covering his neck. His usual preference for ripped black jeans was not missing, only this time, he added a little flare by having a piece of red plaid fabric chained around his waist, making it look like a half-skirt look. It seriously made him more hotter than he already was.

"Yeah I know. It's even more impressive when I put it to work."

Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against, he stepped closer to Y/N, one arm propping against the wall in front of her as he looked at her with hunger and desire in his eyes, those eyes that were once again covered with smoked out eyeliner, only this time he added a hint of red that really made them stand out more and seemed to lure you in and see deep in his soul.

"Wanna experience it first hand?"

She was so lost in his eyes, she almost didn't hear him, until she realized what he meant.

"Here?" She mouthed and gestured around them.

Hongjoong threw his head back and laughed.

"Obviously not here. I'm not like those people outside who are probably already getting to 2nd base in front of everyone."

"Oh....." Now she really felt her cheeks flush red.

Hongjoong patiently tapped his black colored fingernails on the concrete wall, waiting for her answer. She seemed to be debating withing herself so much, until her eyes fell on the patch of skin that was showing when his jacket sleeve rose up, letting her catch a glimpse of black ink that probably went up his arm.

"Listen, if you don't want to that's fine. I know when no means no-" He began to assure her.

"Ok." She quickly responded, interrupting his speech.

"Wait- you're serious?" He slumped his arm off the wall, quite shocked she'd agree.

She nodded. "Yeah."

When it was now Hongjoong who was standing quiet, Y/N giggled and leaned in.

"I mean...if you don't want to-"

She had no time to finish the sentence and his hands gripped her waist and pressed her against him, his breath fanning over hers, the strawberry scent of the vape pen still lingering in his mouth.

"Trust me, I've wanted to for a long time."

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As soon as the door to Hongjoong's room in the dorm clicked shut, the tension in the room seemed to thicken. Y/N gulped slightly as she realized this is really happening. Not that she didn't want it to, but to actually have Hongjoong standing in front of her, his eyes already undressing and fucking her, while his bottom lip was caught in his front teeth, was definitely not a reality her brain was fully convincing. It wasn't until Hongjoong's thumb grazed her bottom lip, making her exhale a tiny gasp, that it fully dawned on her what was going to happen.

"Don't worry babydoll. I promise you'll get breathless after I'm done with you."

Wrapping his hand on the back of her neck to tilt it slightly upwards, his lips came down and covered her own, pressing against them before slightly parting and covering them once more. He started out slow before turning it more intense, nipping down roughly at her top lip in an effort to get her to open her mouth for him. When she did, his hands cupped the sides of her jaw, thumbs pressed against her cheeks to keep her face from moving as his tongue poked out and slipped inside her mouth. A muffled moan protruded from her throat when Hongjoong rolled his tongue over hers, his tongue piercing grazing the roof of her mouth. He then began swirling his wet muscle around her own, letting her feel the cold metallic jewelry that was sending shocks down her body. When his hands released their hold on her face, they only did so to glide down her torso before snaking down underneath her shirt to cup the back of her shorts, his fingers digging into her ass cheeks, nails lightly raking across the exposed skin under the ripped hem.

Feeling like things weren't going fast enough for how needy she was growing, Y/N ran her hands across Hongjoong's chest, going up to his shoulders and sliding his leather jacket off them. Getting the hint, Hongjoong let it fall to the floor and soon his graphic tshirt followed suit, leaving him in his tight fitted red turtleneck that practically clung to his skin, his pectoral muscles that were well above average for someone his size perfectly outlined. As eye catching as it was, that wasn't what caught her attention. What kept her eyes trained on his chest was some weird thing poking out suspiciously.

He chuckled as he knew what she was curious about.

"Oh. That my dear doll, are another pair of piercings I got."

Y/N nearly drooled as he lifted his shirt off, not only revealing the hidden 11 abs he owned, but the arm sleeve tattoo that went from his wrist to a little bit above his right upper arm. On his left side, there was no tattoo on his arm, but instead on his ribcage. But the thing that made her squeeze her thighs together were the black colored metal pieces that were lined across his nipples. Unable to help herself, her hands reached out to touch them, but Hongjoong quickly stopped her.

"Ok doll, before you get ahead of yourself, at least one article of clothing has to come off your body." He smiled cheekily at her.

No hesitation, Y/N soon discarded her own shirt, tossing it somewhere on the room, leaving her torso covered with only her black lace bra that didn't exactly cover much.

"Fuck babygirl, where you hiding that all this- Oh, oh my!"

Hongjoong nearly fell back on his bed when Y/N pressed her face against his chest, her tongue darting out to lick around his pierced nipples. He swallowed as he collected himself, trying not to get too turned on as her tongue played around with the piercings, sometimes nipping at them. Hongjoong arched his back slightly, letting her take as much of him in her mouth as she pleased. The nipple that wasn't being made out with her mouth, was being pleasured by her hand, pinching and gently tugging at it.

"You can go as hard as you want."

Giggling darkly, he took her free hand and placed it on the erection poking out in his pants.

"I'll have you know I enjoy a little pain."

Making her squeeze down on it, Y/N could feel something odd, which prompted her to poke and grope him more fiercely. Wanting to satisfy her curiosity, Hongjoong unzipped his pants and pulled them down mid thigh to let her admire the last set of piercings he owned:

A Jacob's ladder running up the base of his dick and an ampallang pierced through the head.

"Holy shit...." Whether she said it out loud or not, Y/N didn't care. It was the most erotic image she had ever seen and she could not believe that in mere minutes, it would be inside her, no doubt destroying and tearing her walls apart.

Leaning in, Hongjoong sloppily kissed and sucked her jaw and down her upper neck.

"You're free to play with it as you wish doll. I got them for more than one reason. And that's one of them."

Not needing to be told twice, her hand wrapped around the base of his erect cock, her thumb running across his slit. Hongjoong hissed slightly when her hand began pumping him slowly, purposefully applying pressure to the silver metal adorning his length. Taking advantage of the his hazy state, Y/N returned to her previous task of playing with his nipple piercings. Hongjoong threw his head back at immense pleasure he was feeling, loving when Y/N would squeeze him a little to harsh or bite roughly at his nipples. He felt more intoxicated and high being painfully pleasured by her hand and mouth than with any THC chemical he'd ever introduce inside his system.

Without realizing it, he instinctively began bucking his hips up, wanting to chase the release that was building up inside him. Knowing what he wanted, Y/N lifted her head up and sucked on his neck, speeding up her hand movements.

"You gonna cum for me Joongie? Gonna cum all over my hand? Make a mess and soak my fingers with your dirty cum?" She taunted at him.

Unable to hold back especially after her dirty teasing, with a mutter of curses, he spilled himself all over her hand, some of it splattering onto her fishnets. Once he regained his senses, he looked down to find her looking at him with a shit eating grin.

"Heh......don't think you're in charge here doll. This is still my territory."

Swooping her up, she let out a little yelp when he tossed her onto his bed, immediately crawling in between her legs. After getting rid of his pants and briefs, his hands gripped on her belt loops to pull her shorts down. His eyes scanned her body, trying to decide on something. He hummed softly as his hand pressed down onto her clothed heat.

"I'm not going deny it, those fishnets do look remarkably sexy on you....."

With mock pity, he sighed. "Oh well."

Y/N gasped in horror as he tore a hole right in the crotch area, leaving the rest untouched. Opening his desk drawer, she widened her eyes when he took out a pocket knife and flashed it across her face.

"Relax doll. I like pain, but knife play isn't really my thing. On me or my partner."

After ordering her to stay still, she watched as he carefully cut on the sides of her lace panties, just enough to carefully slip them off her body without having to take off her tights. Although in any other situation she would have instantly closed her legs, she didn't feel like doing it this time. It turned her on and made her feel sexier to instead pry her legs open, letting Hongjoong peer down at her glistening folds that he caused, her hands running themselves down her chest as she bit down at her lip.

"Fuck! You're practically drenched already Y/N." Hongjoong cocked an eyebrow at her.

She only giggled before reaching behind her to unclasp her bra, slowly pulling the straps down before flinging it behind Hongjoong, letting it join the other pile of clothes scattered about. Hongjoong instantly became hard again, but as much as he wanted to bury his pierced cock inside her and fuck her senseless, there was still one thing he really wanted to do.

Positioning herself in between her legs, his hands gripped the back of her thighs. Looking back at her, he sent a wink her way before attaching his mouth to her soaking heat, causing her to jolt up at the sudden sensation. Knowing exactly how to get her head spinning, Hongjoong slid his tongue up her slit, making sure to drag the metal piece across her folds. It was unlike anything she felt before. Hongjoong already was demonstrating his powerful tongue skills, but the piercing just added a whole new sensation that had her shivering. She couldn't contain the moans spilling out her mouth when his tongue slipped inside her hole, her noises only turning louder when he flicked his tongue in a particular way that made the round metal tip thump against her clit. Hongjoong especially loved doing that little maneuver of hitting her clit with it.

When she felt herself about to burst, Y/N's hands clutched the sheets underneath her.

"Hong-Hongjoong I'm gonna- Aaah!"

The fire pooling in her lower abdomen broke free and rushed down, sending burning sparks up her body as her body trembled at the sensation. Pressing a hand down to hold her still, Hongjoong lapped up her her juices, moaning on her clit, the vibrations only serving to make her more sensitive to any move he made on her body.

When he felt she was ready, he swiftly sat up and positioned his pierced member at her entrance. Making sure to prep her, he got out a bottle of lube out of his drawer and poured some onto the tip of his fingers, spreading it around before inserting two fingers inside her. It had a slight cooling effect that made Y/N hum in pleasure, her mouth going slightly agape when he inserted a third finger, scissoring her out and overall making sure she was stretched out enough.

"Patience doll. I don't want to cause any unnecessary pain....."

She let out a whimper when he withdrew his hand and slapped her clit.

"That much." He finished.

Propping herself on her elbows, she kept her gaze in between their legs. She let out a cry when Hongjoong's head slipped inside her, the round tips of the ampallang piercing stretching her hole in a delicious burn. Next came the metal ridges that scraped against her lower walls, it was an absolutely exhilarating experience. Hongjoong himself let out a groan when he fit himself inside her tight and warm cavern.

"Jesus babydoll. When was the last time you had a good fuck?" He gripped her hips, trying to keep himself from moving just yet.

"Too f-fucking long." She disclosed, her head falling back against the pillow in a disappointed look.

"Well don't worry babe. I'll make sure to fuck any name out of that brain of yours, you won't even remember your own."

Snapping his hips up, he began a rather hard and fast pace, making sure to angle himself so he hit her g-spot. Y/N's hands held onto his arms, choked breaths and screams coming out of her mouth as she began drowning in the immense pleasure he was giving her. The way the metallic piercings raked against her walls every time Hongjoong thrusted in and out of her was indescribable. At first it felt strange and slightly painful, but soon it became addicting, almost to the point of being overwhelming.

Hongjoong took notice of the way her lips parted whenever the ladder piercing grazed at a particular spot.

"You're enjoying this my angel? Like being fucked by my pierced dick?"

Licking his hand, he dropped it down to spank her throbbing and swollen clit, grinning almost sadistically when she shrieked out at his pleasurable torture.

"Do you just enjoy being used like a dirty little hole? Isn't that what you are in the end? Just a filthy hole for me to fuck as I like?"

The corners of her eyes began spilling out tiny droplets of tears as his hand continued his assault on her clit, slapping it until it turned a bright shade of pink. Feeling the intensity build up yet again in the pit of her stomach.

"Hongjoong! I'm gonna cum!" She warned him.

Snaking his hand to grip her neck, Hongjoong sped up his thrusts, fucking her in a frenzy, sending her into a mental state of pure euphoria as he cut off part of her breathing. Y/N shut her eyes as a violent orgasm ripped through her body, her body thrashing and quivering under Hongjoong's. With clenched teeth and furrowed eyes, Hongjoong completely shattered on top of her, spilling himself inside her clenched walls that were milking him past his breaking point. Releasing his grip on her neck, he collapsed on top of her body, his hands spread out to keep himself from dropping all his weight on her.

"Oh my god!" He panted harshly as he tried to collect his breath and thoughts.

She was in no better state than he was, hair all disheveled, pussy still throbbing and her chest heaving up and down as her mind went blank. She only came to her senses when she felt Hongjoong get up and go out of his room, leaving her confused.

Did he regret it? Did he not enjoy it? Was he going to ask her to leave?

It turns out it was none of the above since he came back with a packet of wet tissues.

"You ok?" He asked, looking at her with concern.

After being reassured that she was fine, he plucked out some of the tissues and began wiping between her legs and thighs.

"Ok, these gotta go."

Hongjoong ripped more of the already destroyed fishnet tights and got them off her body, letting it hit the floor.

"Not like I would have used them again." Y/N agreed.

After cleaning both her and himself up, they both stayed quiet. Clearing her throat, Y/N made way to get up.

"Guess it's my cue to leave.."

"Wait don't go!"

Grasping her wrist, he pulled her back onto the bed, making her slightly straddle his lap. Looking up at her with such tender eyes, he offered:

"Stay the night. I don't want you to go just yet."

He said it with such a pleading tone that Y/N didn't have the heart to refuse his request. She just allowed him to place her beside him on the bed, his chest pressed against her back as one of his arms wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and slowly began drifting off to sleep. She was halfway gone when she felt Hongjoong wrapped something cold around her neck. Opening her eyes, she reached up and felt leather on her skin.

"What's this?" She questioned as her finger toyed with whatever was dangling from the device.

Hongjoong smiled fondly at the black choker strapped around her neck.

"Don't worry about it. Just wear it for me..."

His hand traced the red heart pendant dangling from the choker, the letters 'KHJ' engraved on the center of it.

"So everyone can see that you're all mine now."

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kusagrasskusa · 3 years

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Yandere Simulator Delinquents.

They're basically copy and paste. Sooo here's my version of them for future reference! I got too excited writing the last one lol- It's been a while since I've been to inspired to write. This is a nice feeling uvu

Umeji Kizuguchi - Yellow guy

He has blonde, previously pink, hair and golden eyes. He wears a yellow shirt under unbuttoned blazer and carries a baseball bat around. He has a scar over his right eye. Umeji is Oroso right hand man and takes over position while she's gone; these are the cannon versions of him and all that's said.

This is my fannon version of him: He was hurt the most during the bullying and therefore the most fearful of pain. He flinches when touched and gets pissed instantly. He's the most cold and aggressive out of the five and it helped him keep him as the most feared of the delinquents. He works out daily, therefore having a good build and likes bitter foods rather than sweets. He'a quite ignorant and refuses to share his likes out of fear of being judged. He still feels depression but now faces more anxiety than anything. He often cries about it late at night.

But despite his depression, he's so determined to stay as a threat to many. It's the kist alive he's ever felt. He's somewhat narcissistic and has both an inferiority and superiority complex, actually. Sensitive to touch and criticism but damn his ego is big. He uses his strength and speed as another threat to fellow students, to let them know that if they mess up then he'll catch and hurt them.

His home life isn't fun. Parents maybe fighting here and there or gone for work or something. It wasn't abusive in any way or anything; in fact, they get along well when they're together. It's just the parents weren't attentive. As Umeji puts it, "My mom, dad, bless their hearts, but they aren't great." They tend to brush things off quickly and spend too much time to themselves.

Dairoku Surikizu - Blue manz

He has blonde, previously blue, hair and blue eyes. He wears a blue shirt under an unbuttoned blazer and carries around a boten or some shit, idk I couldn't figure it out. He has a scar on his lip and from Mulberry's art, it looks like he's the tallest of the group.

Fannonly, he's the most anxious of the group. He never talks about it to anyone but Hokuto, who brushes it off. Dairoku got his scar a long time ago when his parents were agruing; he hid under his bed when he was nine and started to cry. To calm himself, he started to bite his lip and scratch himself on the forearms and face to calm himself down. He cut himself in the process badly and tried to hide it from his parents so he didn't get yelled at.

His home life wasn't too bad either; his dad left the family not long after that incident when he was nine so his mom has to take on the roles of two people. She never has time for him so the other delinquents make him feel so happy. He likes- no, loves to talk to them but tries to look sketchy in the process.

Hokuto Furukizu - Purple manz

He has blonde, previously golden, hair and purple eyes. From Mulberry's art, he seems to be the second tallest, but very close to Dairoku. He carried around a metal pipe and wears a purple shirt under his opened blazer. He has a scar on his cheek too btw.

Fannonly, he talks most to Dairoku. He usually brushed off what he says, but relates to him most. Of the 5, he desperately wants to be normal and free the most. He was well popular in middle school but his anger once got the best of him and a fight caused him to lose a lot of his reputation. It just got worse as time went on however; but he misses those days so much.

His scare on his cheek came from the fight and serves as a curse mark to him; "The day they ruined my life." He hates looking at it and gets pissed off when people even look at it. He's always been hot headed but his physical appearance is his number one insecurity. Hokuto's homelife is normal and he's goodboi at home. Cleans, cooks sometimes, has an equally good relationship with his mom as he does his dad.

He managed to convince them that his new appearance and signs of depression from last year was just influence from ex friends. Eventually they just took his word for it despite how terrible of a lie that is, so they stopped asking.

Gaku Hikitsuri - Red guyz

According to Mulberry's art, the blonde who once had light blue hair and red eyes is the second tallest. He has a scar on his forehead and carried around a crowbar. His shirt is red and under, you guessed it, an unbuttoned blazer.

He's a genuine tsundere; the angriest of the group. He easily crushes on people like a simp and gets nervous easily, so he acts all defensive and aggressive around them especially. Other than Umeji, he's the quickest to shove people around and assert his position. But for the most part, he intentionally shoves and shoulder checks people he finds attractive or who he thinks is superior than him, which is a lot of people.

He suffers from an inferiority complex that makes him think everyone judges him behind his back and talks about him especially. Therefore, he's the loudest and quickest to insults; he's also very self conscious. He's scared to make noise in class, talk, eat in front of people, and others because he's scared to be judged. Because as long as nothing is brought to the table, there's nothing to judge. His scar was actually from Kokoro, the bully who's just a sadist according to the character files from Yandev, who got pissed at him defending himself and hit him down with a ring. He got cut badly and almost passed out from the hit; but hey, it's not like he can do anything about since she's a girl, and he'd be expelled instantly. The bitch even resulted him with a broken arm at some point.

Home life isn't great; rundown trailerpark, alcoholic dad and whole of a step mom, dead mom, things like that. Damn, if only he got more than a mattress on the floor, a cover, pillow, dresser filled with all his clothes and school supplies to live on. But he can't even get a job without his scar making people think he's worse than what his persona displays.

Hayanari Tsumeato - Grey manz

The grey eyed, blonde hair man with natural red hair who carries around a lead pipe is Hayanari, who's last name "Tsumeato" means scratch mark. He has a grey shirt under his unbuttoned blazer and a scar over his nose.

Fannonly, he was the one with the no fucks given attitude. He was usually straight faced and brutally honest when talking to people, but wasn't necessarily judgemental. It's hard to explain but just because he says, "damn Daniel, you're built like a carrot," doesn't mean he cares about his appearance, even if whoever tf Daniel is actually looks like a carrot or not. He was the daredevil who did things solely for his entertainment.

In a way, it was almost sociopathic or narcissistic; he'd be fine with embarrassing someone in front of anyone because it got a smile our of him. If someone complained, he'd roll his eyes and convince whoever that they were overreacting and that they were the one at fault. He's very manipulative and sarcastic, usually just smiling cockily and speaking innocently. Kinda emo, but he wasn't against that title. He actually liked the occult and for the most part, was down for anything that didn't have too much time needed, like school or family.

He was in the middle of everything; okay with cooking, occult, art, science, reading, anine and games, so there wasn't much a person can dislike him for in terms of social standards. He wasn't appart of a dislikes group like the occult kids or science kids, not with a loved group like cooking or art kids. But when he started to express a bit of interest in the occult was when people could finally pin him down and bully him back for all those insulting jokes that sounded way too serious. And before he knew it, he got wrapped up in the hate and couldn't get himself free.

Home life is something he never, not even to his fellow delinquents, never talks about. But one thing worth noting is that he's never seen without a long sleeved shirt or jacket of some kind. He used to pass out time to time during gym classes because he was overheated due to bringing a long sleeved version of the gym shirt to school and never drank anything. When his parents were called, they always insisted on saying they'll do something about it but they never did, either. The delinquents do think there's some kind of abuse at his house; besides, Hayanari is adopted and those things happen often even if it's more common in the foster system.

His family is something he never talks about. Back in middle school, his friends were able to see his "parents" time to time when they picked him up from school. It was immediately obvious that he wasn't related to them; hell, he rarely called them mom or dad. At home, until adopted, was great. Friends coming over, happy family moments, being able to play games and use electronics, things like that. But when he was adopted was when it wouldn't be easy to just tell someone what was to come; quite obviously, it was abuse. Verbal and physical, nearly everyday. It was worse in the beginning but happened less often as he got older.

His "mom" would call the police a few times him because she felt "threatened." She hit him so he would hit back and yell while doing so, so she has evidence of an attack. But luckily, her skin isn't sensitive enough to show any marks unlike Hayanari's. Other times, his "dad" would get involved and hurt him badly.

#fannon #backstory #yandere simulator #umeji kizuguchi #hayanari tsumeato #dairoku surikizu #gaku hikitsuri #hokuto furukizu #anime #fanfic #writing

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dontcallmebabyxx · 3 years

Text

Chapter 1: English Boy

Sage's POV:

7:00am and the alarm went off. It's been 3 days of this new lifestyle I'm trying to live and I'm actually enjoying the extra time I have in the mornings, given the fact I used to wake up somewhere around 11am, but hey! Adulting and productivity at it's finest, or so I like to believe.

I recently moved to L.A to pursue that dreamy fresh start every 20-something year old dreams of. After just a few days here, I found a job in a little coffee shop and have been working there since, it's really cool actually, the place is amazing, the staff is nice and I'm a whore for coffee so it's a win-win situation.

Getting out of bed after checking my phone for any notifications that I might have missed in my sleep, but all I got were a bunch of messages from my sister having a crisis after finishing the last episode of The Vampire Diaries, and I mean... I get her.

I'm really taking this whole new and improved lifestyle very seriously, I'm meditating and everything, even lighting some incense here and there to get the whole scene and mood going.

After my whole yogi moment I went to the bathroom and started getting ready for work. I stared at myself in the mirror and said my daily affirmations: "I'm smart, I'm capable, I'm a bad bitch, I'm worth it, and I'm loved" I tell myself pushing back the memories as I say that last part. Today is going to be a good day because I have an early shift so that means I get to work with my sister, who was the one that got me the job in the first place.

I am pretty basic when it comes to clothes and always prioritize comfort over looks, unless I go out. Only then and there will I risk my wellbeing and wear high heels and tiny ass dresses to remind myself that I can also be THAT bitch. On the day to day I'm pretty basic. I really like warm colors so most of my closet is based around that color scheme.

I made my way (downtown) in this chaotic ass, traffic-filled city that I love very much, hating myself for even thinking about A Thousand Miles as I drive myself to work and officially start my day.

After saying hi to the staff and starting getting everything ready, Sydney arrives.

"I'm sorry! I overslept" Syd said as she rushed behind the counter to the back of the shop and got ready for her shift.

"Chill, it's still pretty early. You still have 20 minutes and I already got everything set up" I reassured her.

"You're an angel, thanks" she said, coming behind me and hugging me.

A few hours into the shift I started cleaning some tables and saw a group of people coming in. And as I was about to greet them, I heard a familiar voice.

"Sage?" I looked at her and recognized her immediately.

"Holy shit Sarah!" I said smiling and hugging her, she hugged me back and introduced me to her friends.

"Guys, this is Sage. We were neighbors back in London". "This is Charlotte" she said and Charlotte greeted me with a hug

"So nice to meet you" She said with a big smile on her face.

"You too!" I said, smiling back.

"And this is Ny", Sarah said gesturing towards her

"Hi!" She said and we hugged too.

We walked to the counter and I took their order.

"Sydney? Since when do you two live here?" Sarah said as soon as she saw my sister.

"We moved here with my dad a few months ago, mom stayed back in London though" Sydney explained smiling at her.

As I gave them their order, Sarah said "we should get together, catch up and drink some wine like our moms did when we were little, it's our time to have those kinds of nights" Us three laughed remembering those days and how close our moms are. "The girls and the rest of the group are coming over to my house tomorrow for dinner and you two are coming" she gave me a stern look knowing that I'm not one to be around many people.

"Fine, we'll be there" Syd and I agreed, exchanging phone numbers with Sarah and getting back to work.

*The next day*

It was nearly 4:00 pm when I left work after my shift ended. Sarah's dinner started at 9:00 but she texted me earlier telling me to be there at 7:00 so we could have some time to catch up just the two of us.

I got home and decided to call my mom to tell her about yesterday.

"Hi mom" I greeted her as she answered the FaceTime call.

"Hi sweetie, how was your day? I'm sorry I couldn't call you back yesterday, the girls came over and we had a wine night" she said laughing.

"It's fine mom, don't worry" I reassured her, "Speaking of wine nights, I ran into Sarah yesterday at the cafe.

"Sarah Jones? Wow, you two hadn't seen each other since she moved! How is she?".

"She's great. I'm going to her house today to catch up and meet some of her friends" I told her.

"I heard from her mom that she's drumming for this English boy, maybe you know him!" She said

"Wouldn't know mom, I just recently started following her social media and haven't had the time to stalk her" I said laughing and she joined me.

We talked just for a little while given the time zone, then said our goodbyes because it was getting late and I had to start getting ready. I headed to my bathroom and began undressing as I put on some music. I chose one of my favorite playlists called "Middle School Me" which is basically my indie-emo-punk phase and I love it.

*Something Good Can Work* started playing and I can't help but move to the little beat as I entered the shower. I did the usual and washed my hair so it's easier to style later.

I finished my shower, wrapping myself in a towel and wrapping my hair on an old cotton t-shirt because I learned from a youtube blogger that that's the best way to prevent frizz, and I hope and pray it works because I've been bleaching my hair and it's coming to bite me in the ass now.

I moisturized and opened my closet deciding on what to wear, and after trying on my top 3 choices, I went for a black dress because you can NEVER go wrong with a black dress, and dressed it down a bit with some black boots and a oversized denim jacket that I stole from one of Sydney's ex.

I like wearing short sleeves because you can see my tattoos, which I love and adore with all my heart.

I got my keys, checked my phone to see if Sarah sent me the address already which she did, double checked that I had everything I needed in my purse and headed to the door. I got in my car and continued listening to my playlist and laughed as Avril Lavigne started playing and I sang along as I made my way to Sarah's house.

I arrived with 10 minutes to spear and rang the bell. Sarah opened the door and gave me a tight hug which I gladly accepted and hugged her as well. "Holy shit, you look great! Come in" she said, giving me space to walk through the door and into her house. She took my purse and my jacket and handed me a glass of wine which I took and thanked her for. "Where's Sydney?" She asked, seeing that I came by myself.

"She has a test on Monday so she stayed home".

"Oh yeah, you live with your dad right?" She asked, sitting down on the couch and I took a seat next to her.

"No, just Syd. I have my own place, it's not that far from here actually" I explained.

"That means you're hosting the next wine night" she said, making me laugh.

After a little catching up I remembered what my mom told me and ask Sarah,

"So, my mom told me you're some English boy's new drummer" I told her, bringing the wine glass to my lips to take a sip.

She laughed out loud "some 'English boy', oh my god that is amazing. But yes, I actually just came back from touring with him. Ny and Charlotte are also in the band and the guys you'll meet today too" she said.

"Oh, and am I meeting the English boy today as well?" I ask grinning.

"Yes, but I'm not telling you who he is, I want to see you shitting your pants when you meet him".

"Is it Tom Misch? Because if it is I will actually shit myself".

"I guess you'll have to see when he arrives" she laughed and I told her that's no fun.

It was now 9-ish and people started arriving. The first one to arrive is Mitch, who I greeted and hugged as Sarah introduced us. And I swear I could feel a type of vibe going on between them but I decided to push aside and interrogate Sarah about it another time. Then Ny and Charlotte arrived and when they saw me they approached happily to greet me which I appreciated because I was starting to get anxious about meeting all these new people.

"I was telling Sage about how we are the band for this 'English boy' as she called him" Sarah air quoted telling them as they sat on the couch and some chairs around the coffee table.

"English boy? yes, I guess you could say so" Mitch said, laughing.

"Hey! it was my mom who called him that in the first place" I said smiling while pouring Ny a glass of wine.

We continued talking about random topics, I told them a little bit about myself, and they did the same. I stood up and went to the bathroom, and as I was walking out the door I bumped into somebody.

"Omg I'm sorry, I wasn't looki-" I stared up at him and holy shit! It's Harry Styles.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." he said "I'm the English boy, you must be Sage". He said, stretching out his hand to greet me

"Yes. Nice to meet you English boy." I said, stretching out my hand to shake his, blushing at the fact Sarah already told him but not surprised at all that she did.

"Well, if you excuse me I have to take a wee" he said, laughing and I moved to let him go into the bathroom. I walked to the kitchen and saw Sarah there.

"What the actual fuck Sarah Jones?! English boy is THE Harry Styles?" I said shocked to which she laughed.

"He is. I figured you wouldn't know because I know you, and I can tell you don't follow him like you do to others, but I told you you would shit your pants because I know deep down there, directioner Sage still exists" She said, eating a grape out of the charcuterie board she's preparing.

"Ok first of all, I was NOT a directioner. I liked a couple songs and that's it" I joked, trying to minimize it. "And if I had to choose one I'd go with Zayn" I told her, rolling my eyes jokingly. "But still, wow. I really don't follow him or his solo music really, but this is huge Sarah! I'm so happy for you" I told her, feeling genuinely happy for her.

"Yes, we have a great team. I'm giving you a copy of the album because I know you haven't properly listened to it" She said. Which is true. I only listened to Only Angel once on the radio, and it's actually a great song, it was stuck in my head for like a week. I might give this album a chance and crank it in my apartment.

We headed to the living room and Harry followed behind as soon as he exited the bathroom. He got behind me near my ear and said, "Sarah told me you're not a fan, I gotta say it really hurts my ego but I might push it behind and turn you into a fan".

"Oh, really?" I said, raising an eyebrow and turning to him.

"Well, whether or not you become a fan it's up to you, but I would like to get to know you and you to know me, the actual me I mean" he said, sitting next to me.

"We'll see about that" I told him as I brought the wine glass to my lips. I wondered if this thing actually looked hot like in the movies or if I just looked like an idiot.

We continued talking and laughing as Sarah told stories about our teen years and all the stupid shit we did.

"And that's how Sage broke her arm on a date" she finished the embarrassing ass story which I wished she had forgotten, but how could she... she was the one that came to my rescue when I fell down the window trying to sneak out the boys house when his parents got there. We definitely lived the best teen years together, I really missed her and I'm glad we met again.

Around 2:00 am I decided it was time to head back home,

"Guys it was lovely meeting all of you and I'm sure we'll hang out again soon but I really need to go" I said standing up.

"Oh come on Sage!" Charlotte complained laughing, "it's still pretty early".

"I know but I have an early shift tomorrow so I should get going" I grabbed my jacket and my purse and started to make my way around saying goodbye to everyone, thanking that I only had one glass of wine because I wouldn't be able to drive otherwise.

As I got to Harry he smiled as he hugged me "Maybe I'll come visit you tomorrow at work. Ny says your apple pie is out of this world" he said.

"If I may say so myself, it's pretty fucking awesome" I said laughing.

"Bye Sarah" I said, hugging her and walking to my car.

I arrived, got ready for bed, and stared at the ceiling until I managed to push behind all the dark thoughts and memories that haunt me daily, and finally fell asleep.

#harry styles story #harry styles fic #harry styles au #fanfic #romance #teen romance #one direction fanfiction #kennedy claire walsh #lucy boynton

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