#child abuse symptoms

[furiousgoldfish]

traumatized individual: endures inhumane amounts of stress, panic, and fight-or-flight situations, keeps a mountain of rage and terror down every day in order to try and function, struggles in secret with exhaustion, shame and grief, has to control their emotions every single day in front of other people to hide how badly they’re doing, goes above and beyond to appear normal and to continue their daily activities

also traumatized individual, as soon as one (1) emotion slips out: I’m overly sensitive and need to get over myself right this second. I’m the most pathetic weakling in this world, I have lost control over myself and my life and I should be shot for this

#cptsd #the aftermath of abuse #trauma symptoms #child abuse symptoms #toxic shame #self persecution #harsh towards yourself and nobody else #internalized hatred #internalized psychological abuse #brainwashing

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

yea it's a show about nepo babies but Succession really said "20 billion dollars doesn't erase the persistent trauma of childhood abuse, or absolve the abuser" so like. remember that next time your parent tries to uno-reverse-guilt-card you with "but we gave you so much"

#gave me so much to spend years untangling in therapy #*points to writhing mass of cptsd symptoms nestled cozily in my skull* i call it the Gordian Knot of Shitty Childhoods #bc sometimes the only way to untie it is by cutting off shitty family #succession #tw child abuse #tw abuse #that being said. i wouldn't say no to 20 billion dollars

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[reimeichan]

I was diagnosed with severe combined type ADHD well into my adulthood. The many years of undiagnosed ADHD has a major source of my trauma, and I hate it so much.

I know a lot of people think of ADHD as a silly, quirky disorder. Someone with ADHD has trouble sitting still, has focus issues, has short term memory problems, etc. None of this sounds like anything so bad on the surface.

What people often don't see is... how people like me are treated.

(tw child abuse ahead)

Growing up, I was often punished and berated for things that "normal" kids could handle. I constantly forgot my homework, couldn't get the executive functioning to start on projects until the last minute, would be so hyperfocused in a book that I would miss dinner, be unable to sit still long enough to practice piano, etc. And each time that happened, I would be punished for it. Hit, spanked, yelled at, grounded, belongings destroyed... it was constant, daily punishment. It felt like I could do nothing right. Pretty much all of my punishable actions could be tied in some way to my undiagnosed ADHD.

It was genuinely awful and I have a lifetime of trauma from that. I'm scared of even shaking my foot when I'm by myself in my own room, I feel guilty for spending any amount of time reading or playing video games. I beat myself up for my lack of executive functioning. And my parents never, ever tried to help me learn those skills. All they did was try to beat those "habits" and beat the "laziness" out of me. And tell me that "all kids experience that, you're just making excuses" (I now know that ADHD is often found within the same family, and I highly suspect at least one of my parents to have it as well to the point they normalized their own experiences).

I can genuinely say that many of my mental health disorders (the DID, the depression, the anxiety, the suspected NPD, and anything else I've missed) can all be tied back to my undiagnosed and unmanaged ADHD, and all the trauma that came with that. Hell, even into adulthood, I struggle more with my ADHD symptoms than I do with anything else. If anything, the other things just further exacerbate my ADHD struggles. It genuinely sucks.

This isn't to say I find all aspects of my ADHD bad. I genuinely enjoy the hyperfocus (when it's hyperfocus on something I actually want to hyperfocus on). I think the way my brain jumps from topic to topic, connection to connection, has made me more creative than many of the people around me. And it's very much a part of me that makes me kind of uniquely "me". But also... I know it's such a big part of my trauma history that to try to paint it as this positive thing in my life would be a lie.

But yeah. I wish we talked more about how traumatizing living with ADHD is.

#trauma #adhd #mental health #actuallyadhd #actually adhd #tw child abuse #ask to tag #by purple #wow a serious post by purple for once? #it's more likely than you think #my side of the system holds so much of the ADHD trauma #and my side also expresses the ADHD symptoms most severely #I also had a bit of help from Gray to make this post so #by gray

[hussyknee]

Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.

Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.

This is all to say— if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.

#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass #isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually #''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo #i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation #like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved #if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance #i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or #but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever #also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex #they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered #or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon #you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support #this shouldn't be new or revolutionary #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #ableism #disability #healthism #child abuse #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #intimate partner violence #parental abuse #chronic illness #spoonie #knee of huss #mental illness #autoimmune disease #social justice #psychosomatic

[qumiiiquinnquin]

this family very much does not understand mental health, but i cant talk to them to educate and be able to talk to them about what is wrong, without them always getting frustrated at me or demanding an answer as to what i want them to do. i often get shot down or my answer isn't good enough for them. they've accused me of using anxiety and depression as excuses to act shitty, which is not true. ive explained my problems to my sibling numerous times only for them to snap back at me and they refuse to read what i wrote. every time, it is up to me to apologize for displaying symptoms, though i cant phrase it like that, but rather apologize for "how i acted." my dad does not want me to say i have anxiety and depression because self-diagnosis is bad. he has yelled at me and been physical with me during multiple depressive episodes or anxiety attacks.

i cannot say i was abused or have trauma either. just, people werent very great, thats all i can say, but i cant talk about those that hurt me too much because "they're family" and "they loved you." my mom did not care about my sa story, responding to it with "that happens" and moved on to talk about her own trauma. i hadn't told anyone but her in my family about the incident and i do not want to. in 2021 she stopped me from talking to her about the abuse from my nana because "its not nice to talk about people behind their backs." even though my dad has since apologized and stopped when i was 12, my dad's yelling and spanking since we were little made me nervous to accidentally set him off. i dont know if im wrong to feel that way about spanking, but he intentionally would do it very hard and my sibling and i would feel pain for several hours or longer. but since he feels guilty about it, we aren't allowed to call it abuse and i cannot say it caused me trauma. this same situation gets applied with my stepdad who has yelled at us for numerous things. and, of course there is what my nana and "aunt" have done.

apparently, this same lack of understanding and ignorance of mental health was present when my parents were still married, where my dad did not know much about bipolar disorder, which my mom has, but would not listen to my mom or try to understand.

my grandma seems to be the only person i can talk to and actually understands and cares about mental health.

i want to be able to tell my family whats going on. they're my family. i do not want to separate from them both physically and emotionally. i genuinely feel at a loss.

#vent #tw child trauma #tw sa mention #tw abuse #in addition to refusing to properly acknowledge or even believe that i can or do suffer from mental illness - #- they tell me how much they dont want me to d!e and i need to seek help. they repeatedly tell me to tell them when something is - #- wrong. i tried with my sibling and they kept demanding answers for what they should do or they saw it all as excuses. any time i - #- displayed symptoms everyone got mad at me. my dad yelled at me saying they have every right to be frustrated. if they will be - #- sad then i really do not understand any of this. i realize i do not take this ssri for myself anymore.

[dr-lizortecho]

#pod squad morons #i love them actually #roswell new mexico #rnm #max evans #michael guerin #isobel evans #dealing myself psychic damage with 2x10 #like Max baby that’s just trauma from child abuse #it’s a common symptom amongst child abuse survivors #let me hug him goddamit

[dykesynthezoid]

Oh the way those PANS/PANDAS parents talk about their children’s illness get my hackles fucking raised. It’s like every “autism mom” I’ve ever heard talk. I’m not even writing off the idea that there may be cases in which an infection leads to an autoimmune response that causes neurological mental health changes in children. I can totally conceive of that being a thing we don’t totally understand yet. But the way these people approach it…. God. I know it’s got to be terrifying for parents if their kid suddenly develops OCD, ED, and/or tourette’s symptoms, but the scientific data is so severely lacking, and the language these parents use to talk about those experiences is. Very specific.

The proposed biological indicators for PANS are often present in people without the disorder, without any of the related symptoms. The current proposed diagnostic criteria is extremely generalized and doesn’t very rigorously provide ways to rule out differential diagnoses.

The proposed treatments of long term antibiotics and steroid usage can have dangerous side effects and extreme consequences.

But there are thousands of parents online who will insist it’s 100% real, it’s an epidemic, and they’ll use their numbers to attack anyone online who disagrees with them. Some of these kids may have symptoms that did genuinely arise because of an autoimmune response linked to infection. I wouldn’t write it off. Further scientific study is clearly needed. But it’s also just as likely to me that there are parents out there that just refuse to accept that their kid could be mentally ill for no single curable reason.

I say this as someone who, themselves, developed severe mental illness as a very young child. It’s possible your kid just does have trauma, just does have ocd, just does have depression, just does have tourettes. But these parents see their kids “suddenly” present symptoms and insist on correlating it with extremely common childhood infections. And then manage to find some medical professional somewhere who will actually agree to put their kid on long term antibiotics, and insist their kid’s mental illness just totally went away afterward!

And like. Sorry. But there’s no way for me to hear that and not be reminded of the parents who think red dye makes ADHD worse. Or the parents who think their children’s autism is caused by intestinal parasites, and insist that since they started making their kid drink a bleach solution they bought online their autism has “improved.” The science is inconclusive, everywhere you look there’s confirmation bias, and also.

Every time I hear parents talk about this, not one of them mentions how their child felt about their experience. It’s always “they developed all these tics and compulsions, they wouldn’t eat, they were paranoid, they became suicidal, it was SO scary and hard for me!” and it’s like. As someone who was once a very mentally ill child. Why do every single one of you fail to address this. They seem more concerned about how “scary” it is and how “different” their child has become than their child’s own internal experience of suffering.

#also the idea that autoimmune response -> causes neurological symptoms #and then said symptoms just…. go away after ‘treatment’ #sorry. what. #some symptom secession makes sense. #bc of the immune issue has been resolved then so has any inflammation #but here’s the thing about how those conditions work: #if the damage is that extensive that it is causing sudden onset of extreme symptoms #then PERMANENT damage has been done. it is not just going to go away. #the symptoms may get better with treatment yes. but the breadth of new neurological issues are not just going to spontaneously resolve #I mean we see this w sydenham’s chorea. which is literally an example of this proposed mechanism happening #also sorry but when I developed severe depression at age 8 yeah it WAS scary. for ME #Christ. I cannot imagine if my parents had started insisting my new obsessive compulsive symptoms and lethargy and sadness was bc I’d had #fucking strep throat a few weeks before #child abuse mention tw

[moonlit-positivity]

"Dissociation is a trauma response that involves a splitting off of your mind and body.

While it might have saved you from pain at the time, the impact can leave us feeling numb and disconnected, and on the severe end develop into Dissociative Identity Disorder.

These are some common symptoms that might suggest this is something you struggle with."

[x]

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #healing #dissociation #DID #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #symptoms #trauma awareness #memory #loss of memory #loss of time #childhood trauma #child abuse #systems #alters #support #actually did

[furiousgoldfish]

My every move is a an agonizing performance of 'what would a non-traumatized person do' and when I still do it in a 'obviously-traumatized way' it's still good enough for nobody to be asking questions and that is what I was raised to achieve

#child abuse symptoms #aftermath of abuse #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #living only to hide abuse #having to act as someone you're not #keeping the reality contained within you so that everyone can live in a world where it's easier for them #where they don't have to worry about ongoing abuse

[friendofthecrows]

You thought I forgor, didn't you?

Ha! Detective character sheet be upon ye!

[click for higher resolution]

I wrote a lot (sorry) so it's not a terribly traditional character sheet. I just started thinking about this detective and then Didn't Stop. Meaning when it came time to display the information I was like "Ah. how am I going to fit this."

More details and fun stuff under the cut!

I did a -2 to 2 scale for the traits with zero as "neutral" or "average" bc I thought the comparative %s of the polls looked worse and were harder to grok at a glance.

I tried to include the comments from the notes as part of his description and backstory <3 (mostly in the flop era lol).

I hoped a lot of people would click vanilla extract as a show results button, so that I could take it differently and make Shivmei vanilla scented! And you did :) He loves vanilla flavored and scented things, which is why he smells like that. It is both a blessing and a curse.

Fun fact: what took me the longest in all of this...designing sleuths scarf. Scarf was tied with sharp features for the second most trait, so when I imagined this detective, I imagined the scarf, and the scarf that popped into my head was so pretty I desperately wanted it. Cue hours of research and designing my own fabric print patterns (though it's canonically embroidery that's too hard for me lol). I saved a file with just the flat print w/o the fabric warp or cut-offs in the scarf if anyone wants it. It's a cross between a damask, ikat, and ogee, with some Moroccan influence.

Ah and there I go writing a lot again...

Also, I did one of those bag contents sheets for fun :3

(I named the sidekick Leon via the Behind the Name random name generator, and when I instantly got the name of my favorite knight of the round table, I knew I was going with that one.)

Look up "design a detective" on my blog for the polls that caused this!

Now all that's left is to write a story about our collectively designed detective :D

#design a detective #detective #mystery #new oc #character sheet #fictional detective #hal rambles #i'm mildly obsessed with this character now #y'all voted for a lot of trauma so i felt like i had to give sleuths traumatic backstory #(a very brief overview of it - i have A LOT more details in sleuths dedicated word document) #it's just really brief mentions but i'll trigger tag just in case: #tw abuse mention #tw domestic violence #tw child abuse #i didn't want the traumatic backstory to be too heavily inspired by my own so i went with something i've heavily researched instead #i started writing out a whole thing about it in these here tags but i decided i probably shouldn't #anyways i don't plan on including too much abt it in the story itself other than how it affects shivmei within the duration of the mystery #so like. it's going to affect their beliefs and worries and they have some trauma/ptsd symptoms #but i'm not going to be like *wavy fade out affect* when shivmei was a child.... #ok enough about that #i didn't do a full sheet for the sidekick bc i basically just know his character archetype from the polls #but dw i WILL flesh out that character. and probably make a sheet for my own reference. I'm just not going to post it #leon carries shivmei's bag bc shivmei can't carry heavy things :) #it's one of the many consequences from you all making physical ability his LEAST trait out of everything #which personally is what i hoped would happen #thank you for fulfilling my intent without knowing it

[computerpeople]

Nthe psyche system is insane to me how is it that they had a kid coming in getting diagnosed with a SH addiction and each PTSD test shows they're marking extremely high on every type of trauma and constantly coming in screaming and crying and panicking and get diagnosed with RAD and psychotic symptoms and doesn't shower and smells like cat pee and never ONCE be like

"hmm.... maybe its the parents fault"

#NOT ONCE! NOT ONCE DID THEY EVER CONSIDER I WAS AACTIVELY BEING ABUSED #THEY JUST CHALKED IT UP TO SYMPTOMS FROM MY MOM BEING ARRESTED #AND NOT THE FACT THAT MY STEP MOM WAS POSSESSED WITH AN INATE NEED TO SET ME ON FIRE #txt #UGHHHH #im frustrated #i wish my edibles would hit fastet -_- #abuse // #child abuse //

[mantisgodsdomain]

i just wanna say that you're 100% right about Vi, i also wish people wouldn't just toss her aside like that, she's just as important to the team. like, she has depth dang it! she's more than just Funny Bee Who Likes Berries! also you're super right about people trying to squish Team Snakemouth into little nuclear family shaped holes. that's all, just wanted to give you a high five for complaining about stuff that also annoyed me

We've been chattering about it for... more than a year now, we think? Not necessarily via public venues, since this fandom's close-knit enough that stepping on toes is a major issue, but Team Snakemouth is a TRIO, not a duo, and trying to squish the relationship down to just "two dads and their baby kid" really just seems... reductive. Exhausting.

Vi's one of our favourite characters in the game, and it gets really tiring to see her treated as a third wheel. Even beyond the infantilization that's utterly rampant in this fandom, Vi, more than everyone else, gets things... sanded off, or just ignored. Either she's a bratty little kid who doesn't know better, or she's a background object, and that's just... taking a big chunk out of the team dynamic. She's got complexity! She's part of the team, not some random kid that Kabbu and Leif are dragging along on their adventures! She's a valuable part of the team, and she should be treated as such!

#full disclosure saying anything abt vi is like. the only thing thats gotten us hate here bc some people in here are weird abt it #we do think that a lot of the fandom issues here also track back to the refusal to acknowledge the incredible dysfunction of the hive #like. vi's Fucked Up and just because no one's dead doesn't mean that her trauma is any less valid #everything that caused her misery is still alive and kicking and she has to make nice with it as part of her job! #her ENTIRE first interaction with jaune reads as textbook emotional abuse! like. we could read symptoms off from a textbook for it #vi is in that specific Young Adult stage where shes striking off on her own and running up against the wall of not knowing how to do shit #and in that specific state where she was never taught to do her own shit because she was never expected to strike off outside of the family #shes reverse engineering being a functional person from peanuts and a handful of leftover abuse! of COURSE shes a bit fucked! #she ran away from home and sheltered with a bunch of criminals and shes incredibly written as an abuse survivor but it still seems to be #unintentional #shes a neat character. we still think abt the fact that the devs discounted her as “not having actual problems”. #we can elaborate on all of these points btw #at all times we are like 5 seconds away from pulling out several different articles on emotional and familial abuse and going full like #“do you understand? do you see the problem? do you understand whats happening here?” #we still think abt the fact that vi was working shifts at the honey factory before running away #we think abt the fact that that canonically involves things like days-long shifts. we think abt “theyre used to being there a while” #we think abt how jaune uses “child” as a blunt force weapon to discredit vi's thoughts and feelings as not really mattering #and how vi reacts to being called a kid in light of it #and how bianca leaps to claim her as Her Child once vi's accomplished something decent despite vi being visibly uncomfortable #we think about how a queen can claim any worker as Her Daughters but most workers cant call their queen their mother #we think about it a lot #...anyways this has derailed into vi trauma talk but uhh. yeah the current fandom attitude annoys us to hell and back #she isnt just Some Kid and tbh calling her a kid in general rubs us the wrong way if only because of how much baggage she has attached #obviously shes not gonna be normal or well-adjusted. have u SEEN her household? she ran away to an illegal bar over her house #but it could really help if people could treat her like a person rather than just a child accessory to her teammates adventures #she earned that damn self-sufficiency and by fuck we are gonna get some decent stuff out there even if we have to claw it from our own mind #bug fables #we speak #asks

[waitingforminjae]

i think lee seunggi coming out abt hook only now, eighteen years after their abuse started, does offer a unique perspective in the sense that it shows just how thoroughly it affects a person, especially if they were a child when it started. like even though someone may be 35 years old now and able to put words to what they experienced and knows it was wrong, and have removed themselves from that abusive relationship, doesn’t mean its affects just magically go away.

#him on master of the house in 2021 talking abt how right before he went into the army #he had developed a panic disorder so severe he was experiencing psychosomatic symptoms..........yeah i hope they die actually #like idk maybe it's just my own experiences w how my bullying fractured my self-image so thoroughly #but it makes sense to me that he could understand perfectly logically how talented and capable and popular he is #while also feeling like he's the worst entertainer on planet earth and nobody likes him #like i think w such a huge gap btwn his obvs popularity and skill and what the closest adults in his live were telling him...... #i think anyone would develop an imposter syndrome in those circumstances tbh #idk i'm just not sure that the sort of like...........idk how to say it #the transition btwn being an abused child and how that affects a person's life as an adult - esp if its a situation where that abuse #continues to be on-going #idk that that's rlly a topic that's reached the public convo around abuse anywhere (not just sk) #or just. the difference between knowing that and actually understanding it #i feel like a lot of times even if ppl know that they still don't always rlly understand it #anyway #p: lee seunggi

[gramarobin]

#stop child abuse #abuse #protect kids from religion #symptoms #bigger issue #trauma #humanity #empathy

[mythicalcoolkid]

I think part of the reason I feel stressed about expressing my anxiety (outside of "being vulnerable is scary") is that when my outside demeanor doesn't match I feel like it will make people think I'm lying. Panic for me often feels like realizing there's a dangerous animal nearby: everything in your body may be freaking out, but externally you have to stay still, talk softly, and not look away. When I'm very panicked and don't feel safe enough to express it, I end up looking very normal or even bored. So knowing that I look normal, telling someone that I feel very bad, my heart's racing, I can't breathe, and I feel like I have a head rush just feels ridiculous, like watching someone claim to have a broken leg but skip around with no apparent pain. It feels like it sows doubt in people's mind that everything I say is exaggerated or fake, and honestly, even knowing and understanding how it's a trauma response, part of me really feels like I'm lying too

#m/cc #negative #yes I know that thinking I'm making up my own experiences and feelings is also a trauma thing #I just #can't shake the feeling and fear that anything I do is being used as evidence of 'inconsistencies' and faking #also special shout out to the counselor who told an 11 year old that they were faking symptoms #hi ten years later: I was being abused and also /I was schizophrenic/ #I doubted my perceptions so bad and you confirmed to me that I was exaggerating misinterpreting and lying #then you gave me terrifying descriptions of what a psych ward would be like and caused a debilitating fear of hospitals for years #you should have lost your license and I wish I'd realized at the time how not okay that stuff was. I hope you never treat anyone again #ESPECIALLY a child or abuse survivor