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#especially if it was like. them abusing or neglecting me then like. what the fuck. what the fuck
foursaints · 2 days
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any thoughts on evan's upbringing? i know he's an insect child, but is an abusive Baba Rosier in the cards for you? or simply neglectful? would love to hear your thoughts on the twin's childhood
scuttling around on the ceiling at the prospect of discussing the Rosier Family Pureblood Lineage
my favorite headcanon is that the twins were raised by their 107 year old wizard grandparents. i love this in modern aus as well... they are strongly out of touch with kids their age because they only grew up interacting with Incredibly Old People
their parents are entirely out of the picture to me. this could be for any reason, but i think they died. hence why the twins were packed off from cairo to england at a young age
(my further headcanon is that it was dragonpox that did them in. the rosier clan is just generally historically pretty sickly & wispy & unearthly & prone to coughing frailly into a blood-splattered napkin on a fainting couch) (those eyebags are hereditary)
i don't think they were abused!! their childhood was pretty fine!! this sets them apart from the other skittles in a way that's interesting to explore (this is part of why barty is so entranced by evan, especially early on. he notices the one slytherin pureblood child who doesn't flinch at slamming doors)
NEGLECT, HOWEVER, is central to how i characterize them. their grandparents didn't give a single fuck what they did, so long as they turned up to formal family dinner. they barely saw them
the rosiers were raised by a lackluster revolving cast of private tutors & nannies but like. BARELY. and they were always skiving off lessons with zero consequences
Rosier Manor is a far-flung country estate, which compounded the isolation. it's an ancient pureblood house but very decrepit, with lots of old rooms to explore & doilies on tables & moving hallways. less oppressive than grimmauld place. it's airy and a bit overgrown with plants and surrounded by greenhouses. unexpectedly pleasant (if not a bit unbecomingly country-ish) considering how creepy both the twins turned out. that was all just them.
their upbringing was highly Formal but not Strict, if that makes sense. the twins were good at playing obedient (if quiet) matching golden-headed darlings for the brief hour every day they had lessons or meals with their grandparents, but the rest was theirs to explore the grounds. there were expectations to follow, but they never felt extremely Stifled. just bored
as any reader of this blog can tell you. rosier twins being homeschooled up until 3rd year is CANON TO MEEE
pandora inherited the estate. i think it was encoded into her blood because she was born the Male Heir. but evan would be the one to actually move in, had he lived.
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Ha Ha noah fence but I think the system Needs Help Even Worse after quitting our therapist bc it was really damaging to be like. pouring ur hearts out abt deep personal shit like sexual & emotional & financial abuse & animal abuse & hoarding & shit and that being met with 'well liek. that was awful but I think ur so strong and amazing for going thru all that :)' and 'wow things for you have been really bad lately. That's probably just because of astrology bullshit or something that happened to the body as a literal fetus that wouldn't have recorded those memories at all'*
we're just kinda floating and in more pain than usual and way more. stuck inside the 'none of the abuse was real so nothing in my brain is' zone yknow? But the dissociation phases in and out
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royboyfanpage · 3 months
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Okay, let's talk about Ollie's experience with fatherhood.
I'm an Oliver Queen apologist forever, but I think that there's a tendency in fandom to go one of two ways- "absolutely perfect dad, no flaws whatsoever" or "evil abuser who shouldn't be within six miles of a child". This isn't an Ollie exclusive phenomenon, a lot of characters and topics do fall into that black-and-white mindset. But the thing is- Ollie doesn't have to be either extreme. Particularly with Roy, who most of the debate centres around, Ollie wasn't perfect! I think there's such a rich discussion point in terms of young Roy's relationship with Ollie, so much more than just That Panel. Because, in my interpretation, Ollie absolutely cared about him, absolutely saw him as a son, but also the idea of being a father is something that deeply terrified him. The idea that this literal child being dependent on him made it feel more real, if that makes sense. Coming to terms with the fact that he was responsible for another person's life was difficult for him, and so he put up this wall- hero and sidekick. A conceptual dynamic, one that's not based in reality. He can keep that distance between himself and Roy and decide what that means, he doesn't have to be a father because that word has so many strong connotations, but he can still express that he cares about Roy, in his own way. That's why he always calls Roy 'Speedy' even out of costume, that's why his first thought is that Roy's undercover in Snowbirds. He can focus on being a good mentor to Speedy, which will have a trickle-down effect to being a good guardian to Roy, right?
Unfortunately, kids' brains don't work like that! Especially not a kid who's already lost two fathers. Roy needed a stability in his teenage years that Ollie just wasn't able to give at that time. He didn't see "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy because he loves me and doesn't know how to show it", he saw "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy, which means I'm only good as Speedy". This, at least in my opinion, is a major factor in Roy’s later self-esteem issues. Roy’s constantly underestimating himself as a hero, constantly comparing himself to Dick, and pushing himself 24/7 to improve because he internalised the idea that if he’s good, if he’s the perfect hero, then he’ll be loveable. He can’t be bad, he can’t fail, he can’t back down because if he does, he’s nothing.
It’s absolutely not Roy’s fault, but also this doesn’t mean that Ollie’s an evil neglecting abuser, either. Even the best parents fuck up, and Ollie was by no means the best parent. He took in Roy as a sidekick, as a buddy, and then never really found a way to combine the ideas of sidekick and son. He assumed that Roy would be able to interpret meanings behind gestures, which is something that Roy seems to struggle with even into adulthood. I’ve talked about it a fair bit, Roy’s absolutely someone who relies on the explicit, but he’s also not someone who’ll ask for clarification, which has caused conflict in his relationships time and time again. And while it's something he has gotten better at as he's gotten older, a 12-18 year old Roy would absolutely not be able to read Ollie's motives.
And Ollie's fear of fatherhood isn't something exclusive to Roy, either. Sure, he'd gotten better at it by the time Connor and Mia entered the picture (speaking as an oldest child myself, we are the guinea pigs of parenting, I was my mum's sibling), he absolutely still expresses this with them. I mean, just look at his face when he finds out Connor's his son.
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That's the face of a man who's just had the crushing weight of parenthood slammed down onto him again, the moment Connor stopped being an ally and started being his responsibility. He's scared, because Ollie absolutely does not see himself as a good father for someone to have. This was very much present during Roy's teenage years, but particularly since this is post-Snowbirds. Both in terms of Roy developing a drug addiction and in terms of Ollie's own initial reaction to it, he immediately spirals. And, since we've already established he does not know how to process things, he lashes out at Connor.
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And as for Mia, he's definitely matured significantly by the time she comes into the picture, and compared to with Roy he's a lot more open with his feelings. However!
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He still won't explicitly accept the responsibility of fatherhood! Despite acting like a father to Mia in every way through his actions, he still won't use his words! Even though in the issue following, he expresses a paternal protectiveness over her.
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And I think Mia's HIV diagnosis is maybe one of the biggest examples of his distancing himself and hiding his feelings, particularly when Connor asks him how he's feeling about it.
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He's so fine, so totally fine, trust him when he says he's fine, totally not freaking out. He's absolutely not terrified for his not-daughter, no way.
Ollie has this fear that if he gets too attached to his kids, he's gonna end up failing them. If he keeps a distance from them, then he can't blame himself when they get hurt. Is this good parenting? No! Absolutely not! But this is also the man who dresses up as Robin Hood and who chose to die rather than lose his arm. This is not a healthy man.
But he tries, he tries so hard, even if it's in his own way. And he recognises when he fucks up! And he tries his best to mend it later on!
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He's not the best at showing his kids that he loves them, but he's so proud of Roy when he becomes Red Arrow. He comes back to life to save Connor. He stands by Mia's side when she gets diagnosed and becomes Speedy. He's not a great dad, but goddamnit he's trying to be.
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In conclusion, no, Ollie is not the perfect father. He's deeply flawed, and his own emotional incompetency has been and always will be a point of conflict between him and his kids. But he's not some uncaring abuser, either. He's trying.
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firesnap · 4 months
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Rambling about bad c!Crime takes in 2024.
I think the struggle with being a c!Crime fan during peak DSMP was having to deal with the people who would unironically use "vilbur" like it was a badge of honor and the ones who legitimately thought c!Tommy was 8-years-old at the beginning of L'Manberg.
Like, I don't need to rehash a lot of this. A hundred meta essays were about how Tommy was not responsible for Wilbur's mental health, that he was a front row audience member watching Wilbur's decline and begging people to intercede because he was a damn teenager with zero tools in his kit for "help my brother is frightening me and he's ten feet from me but I think I've lost him in this cave."
But you can still see people go "Ok Tommy helped make Wilbur worse."
No. Just no Tommy's worst behaviors didn't impact Wilbur because Wilbur was so far into his own spiral at that point that it just didn't even phase him if Tommy called him insane. You can't put that on Tommy. When Wilbur came back he even said he could recognize the man he was back then was frightening and beyond what Tommy should have had to see.
But, saying Wilbur acted on violent delusions on Tommy or emotionally abused him or isolated Tommy on purpose... Girl this isn't exile arc and you're not getting c!Crime.
Wilbur and Tommy at their best were moments were like... Tommy with a shield in front of Wilbur, Wilbur with a hand on Tommy's shoulder saying to be better than Wilbur ever was, Tommy and Wilbur running through a small nation and dancing on beaches and laughing at how fucking much the other one sucked with every bit of affection in the world tied behind those words. It was a loop of I'd die for you, I'd die for anything but especially you and Who the fuck ever asked you to die??
At their worst they were a negative feedback loop that fed each other. Tommy was possessive of Wilbur, from even the early L'Manberg days, to the point where Wilbur often neglected other relationships to give Tommy attention. He was angry at Wilbur for falling off the pedestal that Tommy put him on. Wilbur was just as dependent on Tommy being always behind him and took advantage of the fact that Tommy wouldn't leave. He dumped his own fears and paranoia and self-hatred at Tommy's feet and then assumed that this person younger than him could sort through it.
And if you can't handle hearing how they fed the worst parts of each other, then maybe you aren't really here for that dynamic. Maybe you've made something else up in your head that you like more. And that's fine, man. Do whatever the server is gone. Just don't act like your personal version is what canon gave us.
Also, something something it's totally fine to dislike Wilbur's finale btw, but as imperfect as the execution was, it was right on board with what they were telling us about c!Crime from right when Wilbur was revived to Wilbur telling Ranboo that, essentially, Tommy would never leave him and Wilbur knew that wasn't healthy. They needed to break the cycle to save themselves and whatever brotherhood was between them.
They were about acknowledging they were tied to each other in fucked up and unhealthy ways, but needing that sense of brother so much that they were both afraid to do anything about it.
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bonny-kookoo · 10 months
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Jungkook
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 [Part 2]
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Everyone sometimes needs that special push- that one good reason- to break out of old shells, walls and habits, and make that change.
Tags/Warnings: Non-Idol Jungkook, Dog Hybrid!Reader, former criminal!Jungkook, mentions of past neglect/abuse, reader has some pretty bad psychological problems (OCD, Anxiety, Selective mutism, hints at an eating disorder), hypersomnia, road to recovery, hurt and lots of comfort, angst, Jungkook has some problems with aggression and swears a lot, more TBA in future chapters
There is no taglist for this fic.
A/N: You can have early access to this and other selected fics on my Patreon!
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It's right where he thought it might be.
You're basically drowning in the fabric of his sweater, but he's also never seen you so visibly calm during sleep. He can't even be mad about it- even though he usually does get rather irritated about his own clothes being taken by others.
He hates it. But for some reason, if it's you, he doesn't mind.
In fact, he's got to admit that you look cute like this. "We'll take a small walk to the park with the dog hybrids today. They need their time outside." Hana informs him as he puts the card hanging from the red string around his neck, so staff knows who he is. "They're all ready at the front, so you can go and check in with Yoha." Jungkook furrows his brows.
"What about her?" he asks, pointing to you who's still napping in the corner you're usually found in.
"She doesn't tag along." Hana says, as if he should know that. "She's not mentally fit for trips like that."
"I mean, on paper." Jungkook says, almost scoffing. "But like, did you ask her?"
"No, because she never comes along." She says rather defensively now. "Jungkook please, we know her better than you. Just stay here if you don't want to come along, but don't try and lecture me or anyone else here who's worked with her and other hybrids for years." She scolds.
But it seems like she doesn't know Jungkook.
Walking over to you, he's careful not to touch you, well aware that it could freak you out especially if you're asleep.
Doesn't know you, he scoffs to himself. He knows you better than her it seems, that's for sure.
"Hey." he tries, but you're sleeping too deep. "Hey, puppy. Wake up." he demands again, and now he can notice your ears moving, eyes opening after a few seconds, until his eyes widen at the sigh. You're smiling. Your tail is wagging.
You look genuinely happy.
"Hey there." he says, unable to hide his own smile either. "Hana said we're going to the park. You wanna come along?" he wonders, and he can see for a second that you're hesitating. "It's okay if you don't. No hard feelings. Just thought, you know, I should ask." he adds on, when you slowly sit up, playing with the strings of your sweatpants.
Then, you point at your shoes.
"Oh fuck, yeah, I forgot!" he shoots up, running to his bag where he pulls out another plastic bag, before running back to you. "I bought them a size smaller cause those you have seemed to big, but if you wear like, I don't know, socks or some shit in them they might fit." he explains, before pulling out some slip-in chelsea boots with almost no heel. Your eyes are like dinner plates at the sight. "Would be a good chance to try them out, no?" he wonders, nodding towards the small crowd of dog hybrids at the front, Yoha already counting everyone it seems.
So much for 'she doesn't ever come along', he angrily thinks.
And then, you pull on his sweater to get his attention. "Hm?" he wonders, just for you to hesitantly grab his sleeve. "I'll stay with you if that's what you're scared of. And we can go back at any moment." he reassures.
And that's what seems to make it work for you, because you move to slip into your new boots, before you get up and grab your coat from the hangers close by. He wants to say something to the staff-
But he composes himself, bringing you along to the front where Yoha and Hana already wait.
"Here." Hana says, giving him a yellow reflective.. Leash? "It's mandatory for her. I'm sorry, but without it-"
"Yeah yeah fucking protocol crap, I know." he grumbles more or less to himself, snatching the leash from her hands before he carefully clips it onto your collar. He cringes at the sight, hates it, and he hates it even more that somewhere in the backside of the logical part in his brain, he understands it.
He also comforts himself with the fact that you seem perfectly fine with the arrangement. It gives you a sense of security, equal as if holding onto his hand but without physical contact. You're skittish, still very much scared, but walking close to him seems to calm you down enough to make it work.
He didn't think you'd genuinely play at the park like the others do, and you don't- but that's fine.
The fact that you're here, that you're outside and at least attempting to find your way back into life away from your little bubble you've created shows him that you're not a lost case at all. A bit of work, and you could surely be adopted by someone nice who looks past all those issues. But somehow, the thought of you living with someone else makes him upset.
He knows he's not a good fit for someone like you.
He's talked to his best friend about it the night prior. It's a lot of responsibility already to live with a regular hybrid- but you're special needs. And considering his past mistakes and criminal record, there's simply no way to file for emotional support or therapy assistance.
It's beginning to rain a little, and he throws the hood of his sweater over his head before making sure your jacket is zipped up properly as well- like second nature.
You've noticed this before as well. He looks scary, with his piercings and tattoos and bold body and angry gaze. But he only looks that way. He's like a guard dog for you; a protector, because with him at your side nothing bad will ever happen. He's nice, a bit rough, but always friendly in his own way.
You like him.
Meanwhile Jungkook himself can't see what you see in him.
He's not the right person for you.
Next to him, you're perfectly content with your situation. Your tail is wagging sometimes in shared excitement when the hybrids in sight throw and catch a ball, but you also don't look like you actively want to participate. Watching seems to be more than enough, though you do check in if he's still next to you, tail wagging eagerly when he responds with a short smile your way.
He's not the right person for you, and he knows this.
When you walk back, he can feel your fingers grabbing the edge of his sleeve tightly, weighing his arm down a little. He notices the way his skin brushes against your fingers every now and then- feels how you do not react anymore, at all. There's a small moment of pure bravery, the sight of a road ahead, and the view of every hybrid standing in pairs holding hands that leads you to carefully slip your fingers between his. He quietly responds, holding your cold hand in his warmer one, thumb running circles over the soft back of your palm.
He knows he's not the right person for you.
But he wants to be.
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sparklepirate · 7 months
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Hey wait shit I just realized something.
So one of the big themes in this book so far is that Murtagh is super super protective over children. It, you know, makes sense that he ruminates on this a lot. He was abused... At every point in his life, but especially as a child. So, while he's extremely hesitant at the idea of having children, he knows that if he were ever to do so, he would give everything in him to be a good father. And in the meantime, he is viciously protective over the children he meets- Essie, saving her from Sarros and making sure she's safe from her father. The street urchins in Gil'ead, beating up their dad for being neglectful towards them (perhaps not the most tactful move, but still). His whole motivation for helping Carabel in the first place was purely to save Silna, because he couldn't stand the idea of a child being scared or hurt, or suffering any of the same horrible experiences that he did.
Which. Um. Made me wonder.
... Does Murtagh know that Eragon made Elva? Like... Like he probably knows she exists, but does he know, like, what her powers do to her, and how she got them, and that it was Eragon's fuck up that made her and made her suffer so much? Because uhhh. He would lose his absolute fucking mind over it if he ever found out. 😬😬😬😬
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robintherobiner · 21 days
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Anytime i read a fic with Bad Parents Jack and Janet Drake i SHIVER because everyone fucks them up so bad.
Especially Janet. I get that she has like, one scene (💀) but she is not a cold calculating business women??? she LOVES Tim. she is literally kidnapped, watches someone she knows die, and ONLY starts crying when she thinks of what will happen to Tim if he's orphaned. When they were at the circus, she tries to shield Tim from the death and is pretty much the only visible person crying! she is in touch with her emotions!! she loves Tim!!! She's not as bad as the fandom makes her! yes she neglected Tim, BUT nowhere near the degree yall say she does! yeah they weren't around, but they left Tim in boarding school, so he was to be safe and cared for, not leaving him alone like almost every fic has. GOD and don't get me started on how 90% of fics make the drakes physically abusive.
SCREAMING CRYING FROTHING AT THE MOUTH I AM
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daydreams-after-dark · 2 months
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The Sunshine Princesses
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Pairing: Soft Dom female reader x Sub Felix x Sub Jisung
Word Count: 5k
Setting: French historical palace vibes, but absolutely not historically accurate. Refer to photos/vision board above for inspiration on the feel I was going for with this story.
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CW: feminisation (reader refers to them as princesses), cross dressing, mummy kink, reader refers to herself as “mummy” and calls Felix and Jisung “baby boys” etc but they are 22 approx in age with reader older (you decide her age as it’s not specified), spanking, oral sex, p in v unprotected intercourse, cream pie, orgasms, anal fingering (m rec). Cum swapping, voyeurism, praise kink.
TW: the following is in reference to Jisung’s situation prior to this story: mentions of physical abuse, Jisung has bruises, reference to sex trafficking, selling, implied potential sexual abuse (no characters were sexually abused).
a/n: This story was originally posted on my main blog @moonlightndaydreams but I feel it's home should be here.
🎀 🎀 🎀
Felix loves to dress up for you in layers and layers of lace and fabric. He wants to be all pretty for you, so he steals your make-up and powders his face, applies blush to create rosy cheeks and lipstick to give him a delicious look. He knows you like to play with him like this.
You will be arriving at your quarters any minute now and Felix adjusts himself on the plush bed, ensuring his garments are positioned just right. He is hard, his cock is leaking from the tip. The anticipation of what's to come is almost too much for him to handle. But he is also hiding something from you, and he’s not sure how you will react.
He hears the door, signaling your arrival.
🎀 🎀 🎀
"Oh my beautiful baby boy. All dressed up pretty for me, hmm?" you purr as you climb up onto the bed, hovering above Felix.
He looks stunning. Ethereal. Like an angel. An angel you want to ruin.
"Let's see what state you're in, shall we?" you shuffle down the bed enough to start lifting the layers of fabric. No undergarments. Just his neglected erection, painfully hard, pink at the tip and leaking pre-cum. So fucking delicious, you think to yourself.
"Let me take care of you sweetie." you reassure him as you grip his cock in your hand, ready to sink your mouth down over it.
“Mummy. Yes… I’ve been a good boy for you. All pretty and waiting.” he pants. 
“Shh. It’s okay. Mummy’s got you.” You lick the underside of his shaft from balls to tip and then swirl your tongue around the slit, before starting again. “You look so pretty, Lixie.” 
You love him like this, waiting for you to make him feel good. Such a precious boy. You take his balls into your mouth and hum whilst pumping his cock excruciatingly slowly, eliciting a deep groan from the boy on the bed. “You’re good enough to eat.” you smirk up at him and sink down over his shaft again and open your throat for him. Your lips meet his pelvis, his lips part with a sigh and his eyes roll back into his head. He tries his hardest not to buck his hips upward. You can tell he’s using all his self control from the way he’s gripping the sheets with white knuckle fists.
You love nothing more than pleasuring your Lixie, especially when he’s made such an effort for you tonight. Your eyes water as you bob your head up and down his length and saliva dribbles down making a mess around the base. Just the way he likes it. Messy boy.
Felix’s moans become louder and louder as he nears his climax, and you release him from your mouth just long enough to say “Come on baby, feed Mummy your sweet cum” and dive back down his cock just in time for him to shoot his load into your mouth. You carefully hold the cum on your tongue as you make your way up to kiss him. He parts his lips for you, allowing you to push it into his mouth. “Was so good I had to share it with you my darling boy.” and you lean down to kiss him again.
You groan into Felix’s mouth and he hums back. And then a whimper.
A whimper? But it was neither from yourself or Felix. You open your eyes and snap your head around to your wardrobe cupboard suspiciously. A clunk from inside has you climbing off your bed to investigate. “Mummy,” Felix begs “Please don’t-”
Cautiously, you open the wardrobe door to find a boy of about twenty years old crouching inside with the most scared expression you’ve ever seen. His wide eyes, open mouth, and positively chubby cheeks has you melting, and you feel a tug at your chest. You love to take care of little Princes.
“Oh deary me. What are you doing in here? Why don’t you come on out you poor frightened little thing.” You say gently, holding out your hand to the boy. He hesitates momentarily before reaching for you, standing and climbing out of the wardrobe.
“That’s it. Come on out. There you go, don’t be afraid.” you say encouragingly and usher him over to sit on the end of the bed with his cute little legs dangling off the side of your high set mattress.
“Felix!” You stay sternly to the sheepish young man on the bed. His face is still flushed and fucked out. “Did you know about this? Did you hide this poor boy in my room?”
Felix sits up and leans on his elbows. “S-sorry, Mummy,” he stutters. “He was being mistreated in the kitchens… I… I had to help him.” he pleads.
“Hmm.” you scoff and turn your attention back to the cutest little squirrel you ever laid your eyes on.  “What’s your name, sweetheart?” you ask gently cupping his cheek. He looks up at you like a lost puppy. His big bambi eyes on the brink of tears.
“Ji-Jisung.” he replies. 
“Jisung. That’s a pretty name.” you stroke his cheek and he visibly quivers. You stand and step back to take him in. Brown shaggy hair, big brown eyes, chubby cheeks, the most delectable pink lips. He was pretty. Absolutely pretty, and you are almost certain what Felix means by him being mistreated. The boy is ravishing. His clothes are another story entirely. Drab, beige common clothes. Who is this boy? Possibly a servant? 
Jisung opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then quickly closes it again, remaining silent. 
“Sungie? Can I call you that?” you ask kneeling on the floor at his feet. He doesn’t meet your eyes but nods. “Have people hurt you Sungie?” you press. Jisung flinches and his eyes flicker up to meet yours. “You can tell me.” you place an encouraging hand on his knee.
“Yes.” He whispers. “They beat me.” 
“Jisung,” Felix speaks. “Show Mummy your bruises.” and is at Jisung’s side wrapping an arm around him and holding him close for a moment.
“Felix, please go fetch washing up supplies and something for Jisung to sleep in.” Felix nods and immediately springs into action and exits your room in search of supplies leaving you and Jisung alone.
“Will you show me Sungie? Show me what they did.”
Jisung slowly slips off the bed and removes his garments, deciding to take off absolutely everything and standing stark naked in the middle of the room.
You pull in a sharp gasp at the number of bruises, of all shades of blue and purple, that cover his upper body where his skin should be the same delicious honey colour of the rest of his body.
You continue to scan your eyes over him. His shoulders are broad, and his toned torso tapers off into the tiniest waist you’ve ever seen. You ignore the feeling in your core as best as humanly possible, but when your eyes drop a little further you see the most delicious cock you’ve ever laid eyes on, you feel yourself grow wet. His dick isn’t hard but you know that when it is it’ll be spectacular. 
“Ahem.” Felix scurries back into the room with supplies ready to wash Sungie to make him feel fresh, clean and safe.
“Did they touch you, Sungie?” You ask as you sit him down in a chair and begin his sponge bath.
“No…not like that… not yet anyway.” 
“Not yet?” you pause. Jisung doesn’t elaborate.
“Mummy,” Felix speaks up beside you. “Jisung was going to be given away from the people running the kitchens to a lord for… entertainment. I had to help.”
“It’s okay, Lixie. You did good, baby.” you reassure him.
“You’re not mad?”
Oh you are mad. But not at Felix. Your mind runs through all the evil, degrading treatment that would be awaiting Jisung if Felix didn’t take him in. 
But aren’t you just as bad with Felix? A voice in your head pipes up. But you remember you gave Felix free choice. He could stay with you if he wanted, and he could leave if he wanted. It was his idea to dress up pretty for you. It was his request for you to treat him like a little whore. He bravely approached you with his kinks and fantasies. You were happy to have him just bring your dinner and help you into your poofy dresses. You didn’t intend for him to be getting you out of them, or have him wear them himself. It was Felix who ignited this in you. He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t feel like and he’s free to stop at any time.
But this Jisung might not be interested in that sort of thing, and that is okay. But if he is interested?
“Jisung? Were you watching us through the crack in the wardrobe door?” you ask. Jisung squeezes his eyes tight and nods. “Hmm. And what did you think, Sungie?” 
“I liked it.” He whispers and looks at the ground.
You arch an eyebrow. Interesting.”You did?”
“Yes.” he nods. “I’ve never seen it like…like that before.” he looks wide eyed at you and Felix.
“What do you mean, my love?” you inquire, washing over his bruises carefully.
“Well, it looked so caring and gentle. I’ve only ever seen it rough and brutal…and the person whose face is being…” he swallowed. “is never actually enjoying it.”
“Mummy likes to make me feel good…and feel pretty…and feel loved.” Felix smiles, drying off Jisung where you’d washed him already. 
“Sungie. I love to take care of Felix. Anything he wants I want to give to him.” you look to Felix and then back to Jisung. “And he loves to be my beautiful princess.”
“Oh I do. I really do.” gushes Felix.
“But what do you get in return?” Jisung asks you, watching your hand wiping down his forearm.
“Oh, Lixie takes care of Mummy too.” you reply matter of factly.
“But how?” 
“Can I show him, Mummy?” Felix says excitedly.
“Would you like that, Sungie? Would you like to see?” you cup his jaw and turn his face to yours.
“Yes… yes please.” There is silence for a moment. “Mummy?” he whispers quietly. “Will you look after me too?”
You look down to see his cock is hard and there is a bead of precum on the tip. Fuck you want nothing more than to kitten lick it right off him. What does he taste like?
“Sorry… um… Mummy?” He says shyly when he sees you notice his arousal.
“That’s okay, baby boy. But you do have a rather pretty one.”
“I knew he’d have a pretty one.” Felix sighs, staring longingly at Jisung’s cock.
“I’m glad that Felix brought you here and those bad, despicable men won’t be able to touch you.” You place your hands on both his cheeks and squish them. Adorable.  “Of course I’ll take care of you in whatever way you need, Sungie. But for tonight, I feel it’s  best if you just watch, okay? But you can sleep in bed with us after. Would that be okay?”
Jisung considers your proposal and nods.
You finish washing and drying Jisung and help into the pretty nightie Felix brought in. Fresh white linen down to his calves and a simple little bow around the neckline and usher him to the bed.
You spend the next hour or so showing Jisung how Felix takes care of you. You get him comfortable on the bed, sitting up against the mountain of pillows, and you lay down beside him, completely naked. “Sungie,” you pant in anticipation as Felix nestles his head between your legs. “Watch.”
Felix begins to pepper kisses along your inner thigh and pushes your legs wider and presses them against the mattress. Your Lixie is strong even if he enjoys being dainty and helpless. 
“Don’t tease Mummy, Lixie. You know what I need you to do. Show Sungie how you take care of me.”
Felix presses his tongue flat against your aching pussy and you buck your hips up automatically. “Yes. Yes, my baby boy, my…fuck me with you tongue.” Your fingers thread through his blond hair. “Yes…just like that.” You say breathlessly.
You pull his hair forcing his face to press up hard against your cunt and continue to rock your hips against his face. He hums and moans, enjoying himself immensely. He enures he gives your entire pussy attention, spending time on your clit, then moving down your entrance and fucking you with his tongue. He moves lower still and presses his tongue against your asshole, teasing it until it lets him breach the ring of muscle and fuck you there too. Your little Lixie can’t get enough of your pussy or your ass. Desperate, needy little boy. Making you feel. So. Fucking. “God Lixie I’m cum-“ you shake and tremble around Felix’s face as your back lifts off the mattress and you are seeing stars.
You sink back down into the bed and let go of his hair, allowing him to finally come up for air. “It tastes so good. Mummy’s pussy’s so pretty.” He cooes and runs a finger through your sopping folds. “Can I share some with Sungie, Mummy?” 
You hesitate momentarily, catching your breath, but eventually nod, giving him permission. You are cautious, worrying that Jisung might not be ready to be involved.
You turn to the boy next to you. “You want a taste, Sungie?” You ask softly, and Felix offers his slicked finger to him. 
The boy’s eyes nearly pop out of his head at the offering and he shuffles onto his knees to allow Felix to slip his finger into his mouth. 
Jisung groans and closes his eyes while sucking Felix’s digit completely clean. He lets out a shaky breath as he opens his eyes slowly and locks eyes on your pussy.
“Fuck.” He squeaks and flops back into the mattress and looks at the ceiling like he was questioning his life’s existence. His nightie drapes over his erection and you bite your lip imagining all the things he could do with it.
🎀 🎀 🎀
After Felix has cleaned himself up and removed his makeup, he climbs into bed and snuggles up behind you. You’re facing Jusung, simply holding him in an embrace.
“Sungie. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want, and you can leave at any time too. I need you to understand that.”
“Thank you… Mummy?” He seems unsure of what he should call you.
“Is that what you want to call me?” you stroke his hair and feel him shift on the mattress. 
“I think I do.” he sighs and drifts off to sleep. 
🎀 🎀 🎀
At some point in the night you wake up rather abruptly when you feel a hard erection pressing against your ass. Jisung. The only barrier between your bodies is yours and Jisung’s nighties rubbing together as he grinds against you seeking relief. Then you hear a stifled whimper followed by a wetness seeping through the fabric of your nightgown and sticking to your back.
You say nothing about it.
🎀 🎀 🎀
Over the next few days Felix helps Jisung settle in, lends him clothes, teaches him your schedule and important names of the court. Jisung eagerly takes it all in. In the afternoons Felix reads poetry to him, and Jisung teaches Felix songs.
Every night for the next week you and Felix demonstrate for Jisung something intimate and naughty. Then you put on your nightwear and snuggle into bed.
Each night Jisung gets a little bolder with his antics. On the second night you can tell he’s lifted his nightie up when he grinds against your back, and he lets himself moan just a little bit louder as he comes. Your core aches, desperate to be fucked, as you feel his cum on your nightie again, causing it to cling to your skin. You pretend not to notice but fuck you want to touch yourself so badly.
The third night he gets a little bolder still and tries to nestle his length right between your ass cheeks, trapping his bare cock between the fabric of your nightie and his stomach. You stay still, allowing Jisung to do what he needs to for his own pleasure and release. As usual, you say nothing.
On the fourth night he does the same thing except this time you have shimmied your own nightie up around your waist, leaving yourself bare and exposed. You feel him scooch up behind you and, yes there it is, his bare cock pressing against your exposed ass. Jisung gasps at the unexpected unobstructed contact. But when you don’t move he assumes you’re asleep and so he holds onto his cock and runs the sensitive tip along your ass crack, up and down, over and over. His breath is shallow and ragged. 
“Sungie?” You say low and firm. Jisung halts his movements.
“I…I’m… so-sorry… Mummy.” He chokes and pulls away. “You’re just so pretty…and you make me so…so…so hard.”
“Hmm.” Is all you reply.
“Mummy? Are you mad? Am I…are you going to punish me?” He whispers desperately. The corners of your mouth curl up. Baby Sungie wants to be punished, hmm?
“Keep that up and yes… you will be punished.” You sigh, feigning annoyance. “But if you stop right now, then I will let it slide and pretend nothing happened.”
“Thank you, Mummy.” He whispers and you immediately feel his cock return to rest against your bare skin. He runs the tip down between your cheeks and squeezes it between your thighs. You lift your top leg ever so slightly to give him access to nestle his velvety smooth cock between your thighs and and the length of his shaft against your dripping core. You squeeze your thighs back together, encasing Jisung’s cock entirely with your soft body. 
“Mummy!” He tries to keep his cries down. “Mummy… feels so good.” He begins to fuck your thighs, the friction of his cock against your cunt causes a knot in your stomach to quickly tighten. You want to play with yourself, play with him, so bad, but you remain strong and let Jisung chase his pleasure.
“Hmm, you really do want to be punished don’t you Sungie? Such a naughty little boy.” Jisung’s hips speed up “Yes, Mummy… please. Sungie’s been bad.”
“And how does Sungie need to be punished?” you squeeze your thighs together even harder.
“Nngnh…Sungie…needs…aargh…feels s’good Mummy…Sungie needs spanking.” with a little grunt Jisung coats your inner thighs with thick hot cum and slips out from between your legs, spent.
Sungie needs spanking? This will be fun. 
You roll over and hold Jisung and he falls asleep almost instantly. Your legs are sticky, but you don’t care, and you reach down to finish yourself off while thinking about spanking little Sungie’s cute ass.
🎀 🎀 🎀
The next day saw you outside of your chambers for most of the day, attending court matters, functions, and other mind numbing activities, and isn’t until late afternoon that you return to your room.
You smile with delight when you enter finding Felix and Jisung at your vanity dresser. Jisung sitting on your little stool while Felix fusses over him applying makeup to his face. Both are dressed up pretty in your puffy, lace dresses and Felix has already painted his own face with your blush and rouge lipstick. They turn when they notice your presence. 
“Oh Mummy, you’re home. We thought we’d surprise you.” Felix beams.
Your hands come up to cover your mouth in surprise. “Oh my beautiful boys, have you dressed up just for me?” You approach the two young men and stroke their cheeks affectionately. “My pretty little princesses.” you whisper lovingly. The pair of them look back at you with innocent expressions, so desperate for your approval. “You’ve done so good.” you plant a small peck on their cheeks before moving to sit in one of your chairs.
“Come. Kneel in front of me.” you instruct, and they eagerly do as you ask. “Now. I must know. What kind of games are you wanting Mummy to play? Lift your skirts.”
Felix and Jisung reach for the hem of their dresses and simultaneously lift the front of their skirts to their waist, revealing their matching thigh high white stockings and their bare, erect cocks. You immediately feel your cunt pulsate. Such pretty cocks to play with. You bite your lower lip and cross your legs. Fuck, you’re turned on.
“Tsks tsk…I see. You boys want to play naughty, filthy games. Don’t you?” you muse. “Stand up, but keep your skirts lifted.” you drop down off your chair onto your knees in front of them and let your hands trail up their stockings. You gently let your fingers caress their inner thigh, taking your time before turning your attention to their obscene erections.
 “Oh dear. These look so painful. Do they hurt?” you coo as you take a cock in each hand and inspect them. The boys hiss at your touch, their cute little legs trembling. 
“So painful, Mummy.” Felix whispers.
“It’s so swollen.” Jisung whimpers.
“Naww. Lucky Mummy’s here to help make you better.” You swirl your tongue around Felix’s tip before swapping to Jisung’s. You’ve been dying to taste Jisung’s cock for a week and you close your eyes and take him deeper into your mouth. You groan. Jisung groans. Felix groans too as you pump his cock. You alternate between the two delicious penises until they are on the brink of exploding. Much to their dismay, you let go and return to your chair, leaving them sobbing for release.
“It’s okay my poor babies. I promise we will play very soon. But first, Jisung. Your punishment. Come.” you curl your finger ushering him forward. Jisung’s eyes widen enthusiastically and he practically falls over his feet to get to you and kneels in front of you. 
“I’m going to take care of you okay? Now, are you sure you want me to spank you?” you ask in a soft tone and hold his face in your hands. “I’m going to give you a word to remember. If at any time you are not enjoying anything at all, use the word and everything stops. Okay? Do you understand?’ Jisung nods. “Good. Your word is ‘poodle’. You can remember that, yes?”
“Poodle.” Jisung echoes.
“Good boy. I need you to lay across my lap. That’s it.” Jisung complies eagerly, laying over you as directed. You lift his skirt up to expose his perfect, honey toned ass, and rub your palm over his cheek, squeezing and kneading the flesh.
“Okay. I’m going to start your punishment now.” You raise your hand and land a firm smack to Jisung’s ass. He whimpers and tries not to squirm. “Only nine more baby, and then Mummy will make you feel good.”
You continue to spank Jisung. Not too hard, but enough to leave red marks. The last thing you want to do is cause any trauma, especially after knowing that he’s been beaten in the past. You come down with the final smack and rub your hand over his skin soothingly. “Good boy, Sungie. Lixie,” you look up to where Felix is sitting on the floor gazing at Jisung. “Lixie, please. The oil.” you say.
Felix passes you the bottle of oil from your vanity and you drizzle some of the liquid onto Jisung’s ass cheeks, and then a little at the top of his crack. He wriggles beneath you at the sensation of the oil siding down to his balls. “Such a good boy for me.” you massage the oil into his reddened skin. “Sweet sweet boy.” You pull his cheeks apart and gasp at the sight of his perfect, tight little hole, and you just have to touch it. Slowly, as not to scare the poor boy, you run your finger over his hole. Jisung whimpers. “Do you need to use your word, Sungie?” He shakes his head. “Feels nice.” Good. You circle his slippery rim several times until Jisung is trying to wriggle back against your finger, signaling he needs more. And then your finger is pressing inside. 
“M-mummy!” Jisung gasps. 
“Fuck.” Felix mutters from the side. 
You slowly pump your finger in and out of Jisung until you can feel he is ready for a second digit. He lets out the cutest, most desperate little noises as you loosen him up.
“Can I kiss him, Mummy.” Felix whispers. 
“Sungie, honey. You hear that? Felix would love to help take care of you too. Is that okay?”
Jisung nods his head. “Yes… please, Lixie. Need Lixie.” Jisung is coming undone. Felix crouches down by Jisung’s head and lifts it up to meet him. “You're so pretty Sungie.” Felix smiles and takes Jisung into a slow, deep kiss while you slip in a third finger. Jisung writhes beneath you and then he’s coming hard, squealing into Felix’s mouth and spurting cum all over his inner thighs and carpet. 
Felix helps Jisung over to the bed and makes quick work of cleaning him up, praising him the entire time. “Let’s get ready for Mummy now.” He settles himself down next to Jisung so they are laying side by side, dresses lifted up for you to see.
It is a magnificent sight, having your two princes, or princesses rather, laying there ready for you, pretending they’re innocent, when all they want is for you to do naughty things to them.
You strip off entirely and climb onto the bed and begin with touching your own body. You caress your breasts and pinch your nipples, slowly taking your hand down the front of your body and between your legs. Your breath becomes shallow and your skin heats up as you watch your lovers watch you pleasure yourself.
“Please, Mummy. Stop teasing. Lixie won’t last.” Felix sobs.
“It’s alright, my Lixie. I’ll take care of you first.” You crawl close to him and straddle his lap and slide your slick pussy over his hardness. His cock is more than ready. Propping yourself up onto your knees, you guide yourself down over Felix's length. Thick, hard as stone, and stretching you out deliciously. “I’m going to start fucking myself on you now.” you say and begin to bounce up and down his shaft. “Mummy, it's too…slow down…plea-ease!” Felix whines and you know it’s because he’s been on the verge of coming untouched for the last little while. You lean down and kiss his lips, smearing rouge lipstick across his mouth. You love it when he looks like a messy little slut. 
You don’t slow down, determined to free him from the agony of his hard on, and it doesn’t take long until you feel him cumming deep inside you. He fills you up with so much cum that it seeps out almost immediately. You don’t orgasm, you’re saving it for Sungie. Oh god, poor Sungie. You rake your eyes over his body. His face is fucked out already and he is so fucking hard again. Exactly the way you want him.
You carefully slide off Felix’s softening cock and cover him up with his skirt. You give him a little kiss and tell him he’s a good boy before climbing onto Jisung and straddling his hips.
You can barely contain your excitement. “Hey Sungie.” you smile down at him. “You ready? You want to be inside Mummy? Fill her up with your cum?” 
“Yes…so bad. Want you… to play with me.” he says in a tiny voice. You feel Felix’s cum still leaking out of your body and dribbling onto Jisung’s length.
“Okay, sweet sweet Sungie.” you whisper as you lower yourself onto his cock, taking him in one motion. Your gaze doesn’t leave his beautiful face, as you begin to roll your hips slowly, undulating on top of him. He tries to keep his eyes open, but everytime you sink back down to completely engulf him he can’t help but squeeze his eyes shut and moan.
“That’s it, Sungie. Filling Mummy up so fucking good.” you purr. “Does it feel good for you sweetie?” 
“Mmmh…feels..so” he chokes as you rock harder on his cock. “So tight…slippery…warm.” 
He opens his eyes and they land on your tits. Your cunt squeezes at the thought of his plush red lips around your nipple, and Sungie cries out at the contraction of your walls. He’s close. But so are you. 
“Sungie, help Mummy…Come, sit up. Suck my tits.” you pull him up desperately, and he immediately wraps his lip around your breast and sucks the nipple into his mouth. It makes you fuck yourself harder on his cock, you need your release. So fucking bad. You’re panting and practically growling as your cunt clenches around him, and when he bites down on your nipple hard you explode. You throw your head back, and cry out his name. You’re not given a chance to come back down, before Jisung starts to thrust up into you uncontrollably and makes a high pitched whine. At the same time you feel him release his load deep inside you. 
“Fuck, Sungie. Jisung.” you hold him to your chest, breathing heavily, trying to calm your heart rate.
“Was I good?” he looks up at you with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You push away the damp hair that is stuck to his forehead and place a tiny, soft kiss to his skin. “So good. You made Mummy cum so hard on your pretty cock. Such a clever boy.”
He beams up at you and snuggles close. You climb off of Jisung and lay between the two young men. The three of you feel blissed out and content.
‘Mummy?” Felix eventually breaks the silence. “I’m a clever boy too. Look! I got it hard again!”
It seems your boys aren’t finished playing.
🎀 🎀 🎀
I hope you enjoyed this story. I know it’s a little different than my usual. But @channieandhisgoonsquad and @noellllslut know I have a thing for Lixie and Sungie dressed up pretty.
If you enjoyed the dressing up aspect of the story I have one other one where Minho fucks reader whilst dressed up as Aunty Lino. You can read it here.
🎀 🎀 🎀
@itshannjisung @newhope8 @queen-in-the-shadows @queen-in-the-shadows @lyramundana @2chopsticks2eyes @weareapackofstrays @j-oneseungz @fr34k4c1dr41n @kangnina @antoniorhinothethird
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manikas-whims · 1 year
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Reasons I despise Shadow and Bone
• Inej Ghafa in the books was an SA survivor and a girl who despite all that she went through, held hope close to her chest. Book Inej was so scared of the menagerie, she couldn't walk past it without the fear of being recaptured. She finally moved on from this fear when she choked Heleen at the Ice Court, stole her diamond choker and ran, calling her silks feathers. And finally believing that she was free after facing her fear, her abuser head on. So seeing the show Inej casually walk into the menagerie as well as merely shrugging upon hearing of Heleen's death this season, was not just extremely ooc but disrespectful and had zero depth.
• Kaz Brekker's disability was basically neglected this entire season and his cane treated like an accessory. Not only that they butchered the entire Kaz-Nikolai meeting in CK. Kaz would've immediately recognized Nikolai, like that was such a downgrade. Not to mention Nikolai threatening Kaz (and Jesper). Kaz wouldn't be threatened. Instead he'd make negotiations with Nikolai on his terms. Oh and most importantly, his entire backstory was rushed and played off like it was nothing serious. That intensity of two innocent small-town boys being tricked by an adult with agency and power, I couldn't feel it as much as I felt reading the books.
• Jesper Fahey's backstory is very emotional and beautiful. The memories with his mother and his coversations later on with his father, all lead up to him slowly accepting his grisha side more and embracing it. Embracing being a zowa. The show speed-ran through it and well, it lost its depth.
More importantly none of the backstory material makes much sense and lacks so much depth because there was nothing that lead to that development. The books, whatever transpires in SoC is what leads to and triggers their individual character developments. So any backstories stuffed in the show made no sense.
• Nina Zenik's bisexuality is completely erased by the show. Its like netflix is allergic to sapphics 😭
• Now Kanej! We got so much Kanej content we should be happy right? I agree. The scenes did give me a momentary high because those are some of my favorite parts of the books and its a blessing to be able to see them adapted on screen. Except, none of those scenes made sense, especially since season 1 barely hinted about some chemistry between the two and then season suddenly escalated all that slow burn into significant moments badly stashed into the show plot. I mean ofc we got the chapel scene and all but.. The whole wound patching-up scene was a pivotal moment in their relationship and it was completely downplayed in the show. And then there was also Kaz getting mad at Inej freeing some children from slavers? Like ofcourse even book Kaz would be slightly miffed but he wouldn't outright reprimand Inej and tell her she's off the team due to it, but thats what show Kaz did. And then after everything that happens, the sudden drop of “how will you have me” and the “without armor” dialogue completely did dirty to that moment. Like ofc she says “gloves on, fully clothed, head turned away so our lips never meet”. But in the books, Inej utters those words because of all the secrecy and lack of effort for pursuing a proper relationship between them. The “no armor” Inej says is addressed towards wanting him to be more open about himself (since Kaz knows basically everything about her, from her full name to how she was captured and ended up in Ketterdam) but Inej knows nothing about him, not even if Kaz Brekker is his real name. But the show made the “no armor” dialogue so bad. Its made Inej look so shallow as if she is merely speaking in terms of her physical wants.
Ohh and I did mention this in another post but everybody fucking knowing about Kaz's backstory? Everyone but Inej? The only person he actually tells in the books. Him even telling the fraction of stuff he tells Inej spoke volumes about their bond and how he trusted her enough to reveal this truth about himself. Show Kaz's past is revealed to Nina and Jesper casually walking in and listening??? WTF was that? And no Inej in thaf moment. Call it nitpicking but it was WRONG.
• Wesper has been reduced to the token gay couple of the show. Their sweet first encounter has been completely eradicated and they're turned into this typical trope of people who had a one night stand and accidentally met again. Their romance is so sexualised in the show, as many tend to do with queer ships (which is extremely disgusting imo). More importantly, we'll most likely never see the “no, not just girls” in that possible spin-off 🙂
• Ketterdam: the show has given no proper insight on Ketterdam. I bet most of the show only people don't understand much about the city and the gangs. I wonder if many even know whats a Dime Lion. And Pekka randomly having the stadwatch in cahoots with him was so shitty writing?
And these are just a few that i can remember right now. Also i don't want this post to get too long.
–» If you're one of those sheep fans, don't comment shit like “creators already told us its different from the books, so you shouldn't be mad” 🤪 cause I'll definitely delete your comment.
If you are one of those, scroll past this post. Cause what do y'all even mean? People can't freely discuss or criticize a piece of media now? STFU!
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hiraethwa · 3 months
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one summer day
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06 saturn ii. where ushijima’s words take you by surprise. 
<< 05 saturn i. | >> 07 sun and moon.
pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader a/n: i am back from my trip now, i will be posting more regularly again, thank you for staying! i loved reading the tags on your reblogs of one summer day, they make my heart go WAHHH! my inbox is always open if you want to chat <3 - ave word count: 1.5k warnings: angst, childhood trauma, parental neglect/verbal abuse, past death of a family member
april, second year
“you don’t have to be the person in your house with me.”
since he stayed with you that night, there has been a medley of conflicting feelings swirling in you. you had felt embarrassed in the morning, but also relieved for his presence. and this burning shame in your chest whenever you see him and his eyes seem to ask, are you alright? 
you could tell he wants to ask so many questions, but he is holding himself back, waiting for you to tell him yourself. worst of all, you wanted to tell him, consequences be damned. but you were afraid he would see you differently. you don’t think you could bear the person who’s seen you at your worst decide you were not worth his time. but if you wait any longer, perhaps he would decide that anyway. 
“what i mean is, you can be yourself around me, always.” you know that. deep down, you feel it. 
“ushijima–” you start, staring down at your shoes, thinking about how to explain that day to him without trauma dumping on him. 
he corrects you, “wakatoshi”
your cheeks color, testing the way his name rolls off your tongue, “wakatoshi… i owe you an explanation…”
you decide it is easier to start from the day everything changed. so you tell him what you haven’t been able to tell any of your friends since that day eight years ago. about your sister, akiko’s death anniversary. that she passed away in an accident, and that it was your fault for leaving her outside the house when your mother tasked you to look after her. that even though eight year old you went in to get some water for the both of you playing outside, it was still your fault. that she had ran out after a stray cat and did not see the car coming. that it was your fault. 
“am i a terrible person?”
and then you hold your breath, knowing there is a possibility that he would have that accusing look in his warm brown eyes. beautiful with tiny flecks of greens and golds. you think those are your favorite features of him. and fuck, it would hurt like hell if that is the way he looks at you from now on. but you had taken a leap of faith, all you can do is hope for the best. hope that the feeling in your gut is not wrong.
“and your parents, why weren’t they around?” for their daughter’s death anniversary goes unspoken. of all the questions he could have asked, he sure did pick the most difficult one, you thought. 
“let’s just say we all cope in our own ways. akiko’s death… it changed our family for the worse. my father threw himself into work to forget about it… my mother… her grief made her meaner, colder, it changed her.” 
he gives you a concerned look, causing you to hurriedly explain that your mother is not abusive. “she’s just different than the mother i had when akiko was still here. she cared less about us, her words became sharp, like knives designed to hurt, especially when it comes to me, but she never laid a hand on us. i think her grief morphed into anger, and she never stopped blaming me for that day.”
“it isn’t your fault, you know that, right?” he grabs your wrist, turning you around to look at him. 
your next words comes out in a whisper. “i know, but if i hadn’t left her, akiko would still be here. if i had done what i was supposed to, my parents wouldn’t have lost their daughter, and we could have been happy,” your voice cracks. 
“you were a child. it wasn’t your fault. do you understand?” his strong grip on your shoulders forces you to look into his eyes. there was no judgement in them. no accusing look, no blame, only resolution. and they made you feel safe. “you cannot be blamed for your parent’s decisions, and it was their responsibility to look after their children’s well-being, not an eight year old child. your only duty was to grow up.”
an unidentifiable feeling overwhelms you, welling up tears in your eyes. what is it about me and crying in front of ushijima? you had been fine, just fine before he came along and messed up your coping system. every year before this on that day, you wouldn’t even cry, believing that all your tears had been spent when you were eight. that all you could do is feel empty and sad and self-destructive on that day while lying in your bed, staring at the ceiling until the sun comes up. 
oh gods, you were eight, and you had believed that it was your fault your family lost a sister, a daughter, and your mother let you believe it. she never let you forget it. all the hurtful words hurled at you. all the pain you swallowed and carefully locked away in a box. 
your home stopped being a home that day. 
home should feel safe. home should be a place you long to be after a long day, not somewhere you dreaded. home should feel like a warm blanket on cold winter days, not a house that is a place to eat and sleep. home should feel safe. but it doesn’t.
you had known it for a long time. but you had been running away, refusing to face the fact. that maybe if you pretended hard enough, it would all go away. all this heartbreak that you had hidden away would vanish. 
“i don’t think my mother fully forgave me for it. i don’t think she forgave herself either.” but you were only a child. and all you wanted was her love, and approval, and support, and presence in your life. 
you look up at the stars shining in the dark sky, wondering if your sister is one of the millions smiling down at you from a far away distance. “she would have been in junior high if she was still here.” you smile sadly at the stars, thinking of the life that she could have had ahead of her. all taken away in one unfortunate moment. 
“your sister would want you to be happy, to live for yourself. i think she would find solace in that.”
you turn sharply to look at ushijima. “i–i have been doing my best to survive.”
his voice turns gentle, “but not truly living.”
“have you spoken to anyone about this?”  he inquires, though you think he knows the answer.
you clench your fists, looking away, a rising feeling in your chest that you identify as discomfort. oh, he is safe, but he is not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. “you’re the first.”  
no one would understand anyway. not your parents, if they even cared enough to listen to you. not your brother, who had pushed you to open up, he lost his sister that night too. 
“then you no longer carry the burden by your lonesome. live, y/n, for you and your sister.”
live. he says it like it is so easy. as if living in that house doesn’t make you gasp for breath. if only your house did not also feel like your prison. if only being alive when your sister no longer breathes does not feel like a sin. as if everyday does not feel like being trapped in the past. 
and then with excruciating realization, you admit it. “i don’t know how.” 
the recognition leaves your head spinning, and you seek the comfort that you had felt in his arms. looping your arms around his torso, you bury your head into his chest. how do i do this how do i do this how do–
“you take it day by day. one foot in front of you at a time. and you keep looking forward.” he tilts your chin up, searching your eyes. “i will be right next to you.” he promises. 
“don’t say things you don’t mean.” please don’t make promises you can’t keep.
“y/n, i only say things i mean.” you hope he sees the gratitude in your eyes. you really hope he means it. because you think you can make it, with him by your side. when you’re with ushijima, you can truly breathe. with him by your side, you can see a glimpse of your future tonight. maybe not tomorrow, not a month from now, but one day, you could be happy. 
akiko, did you send him to me? thank you. i love you. i miss you. i miss you so much. but i think i need to learn to let you go now. 
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adoreeenina · 7 months
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I wanna be yours - Ch. 7
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(Recom! Miles Quaritch x Sully! Reader x Recom! Lyle Wainfleet)
(Warning: Polyamorous relationship. Angst.Enemies to Lovers. Slow burn. Falling in love.Redemption arc. Canon deaths (but not really). Romance. Smut. Jealousy. Threesome. Anal(both F & M receiving).Mention of suicide, self harm, depression, anxiety. PTSD. Feelings being revealed. Jake and Neytiri not being good parents to reader.Reader being a motherly figure to Spider.)
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
“How can you possibly be okay with this?”
Quaritch heavily sighs not be able to keep eye contact with Lyle. Their relationship is still new, and they’re keeping it a secret for now from everyone. But a year ago, he had a one night stand with Paz Socorro, it meant nothing, it was supposed to be a one time thing. Quaritch forgets his actions always has consequences and now he has a son he never wanted. He doesn’t have time to be a father, he never wanted to be, especially with Socorro.
Lyle found out and he’s pissed, and he has every right to be. Quaritch never told him about impregnating Socorro, he lied, not only that but Socorro didn’t even want the kid either, she didn’t want the responsibility. Poor Miles Jr. Is being taken care of by different people who are too busy with their jobs to take care of him.
The breaking point for Lyle? Quaritch tells Lyle the kid and Socorro is going back to earth.
“I didn’t want anything to do with the brat!”
Lyle scoffs at Quaritch response.
“Socorro neglects the poor kid here, she won’t pay any attention to him on earth, that kid needs a father, Miles”
Lyle doesn’t approve of this, the kid is innocent in all of this.
Lyle been stressed out, with the war that might happen with the Na’vi and fucking Jake Sully, Dr. Augustine, and the other science puke that he doesn’t bother to remember the name of.
“They can’t send babies on Cryo, dumbass” Lyle seethes.
Quaritch shakes in head in disbelief.
“What? You want to take the kid?” The sarcastic question made Lyle pause, Quaritch stays silent when he sees Lyle contemplating about it, making him wish he could take it back.
“Lyle”, Quaritch warns, “if you take that kid, I don’t want any part of it”
Lyle eyes widen, what happened? This wasn’t the man he fell in love with, yes he could be a could hearted bastard to other but with him, he’s the opposite. He’s so patient and loving to him, and only to him. They might’ve not talked about having kids but Lyle surely wanted kids in the near future.
But will he even be a good father for this kid? He grew up with a single mother who did made many sacrifices for him and his younger sister with no complaints, who loved and nurture them. His father died by mugger when he was 10 but he remembers he was abusive towards his mother and him. He didn’t want to be like his father, he wanted to be like his mother, to love unconditionally and nurture his own kids, and this might be his chance.
“You’re going to leave me if I do?” Lyle throws his hands up. Quaritch looks away not wanting to answer that. Quaritch loves Lyle, of course he does, but he’s not ready to be a father, he never wanted to be. He grew up with an abusive father who abused him and his mother. What if he turns out like him? No, this is for the best.
Quaritch silence is all the confirmation Lyle needed, Lyle nods his head. His eyes gloss as he tries to fight back tears.
“Then so be it” Lyle finally says as he sniffs, he wipes a tear that falls. The action breaks Quaritch heart but he doesn’t act on it.
Quaritch heart drops as he silently watch Lyle walk towards the door, he places his hand on the console and wait for the door to open.
Before he steps out, he looks back at Quaritch. Both not hiding how much this is breaking each others heart, but one of them is too prideful.
“We’re done” with that, Lyle steps out of the room, leaving Quaritch alone, regretting ever letting the love of his life leave.
Lyle eyes snap open as he sits up. He looks around seeing his laying in his tent. Lyle sighs tiredly as he wipes his face with hands but feels his hand wet, he pulls them back confusingly before touching his cheeks with his finger tips. Lyle realizes he was crying.
What the hell kind of dream was that? No it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory, one of his memories.
This wasn’t new, in some nights Lyle would dream of his human counterpart memories, memories that aren’t his own but the feeling are, and he doesn’t know how to feel about that.
Since the moment he met Spider, he had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect him. At first he didn’t understand but it didn’t take long for memories to haunt his dreams. He felt sick watching Ardmore torture him to get information. Before he could act on his instincts, Quaritch beat him to it. And he was grateful. But Lyle doesn’t know if it was guilt or on instinct, from he seen from his memories, Quaritch didn’t want anything to do with Spider.
Wainfleet raised Spider before he died, but Lyle knows how how much Wainfleet loved the kid, heck he ended things with Quaritch so he could raised the kid himself.
Since Lyle woke up in this new body, he’s been having specific dreams of his Colonel. At first he didn’t understand, on Wainfleet’s video log, he never mentioned of a relationship with Quaritch. And Lyle knows it’s not just him, he sees the guilty, longing, and affection look in Quaritch eyes every time he looks his way.
Lyle is worried for you and Quaritch, he hasn’t heard back from them, and Lyle knows how worried Spider is of you. The poor kid hasn’t slept a wink, he decided to stay on watch with Mansk, hoping you would come back overnight.
Lyle had ordered the unit to get ready within the hour so they could look for you and Quaritch. The best lead they have is to track down where you ran off.
Those memories aren’t his own neither are the feelings he has for his superior. In another life, Lyle was everything to him. His light, his life, the one who brought a little joy to his dreary world. But Lyle made his choice just as he made his. They both know that neither of them can change the past but maybe, just maybe, they can forge a new future...
——
Quaritch yawns as he sits up, stretching his arms, arching his back, hearing a satisfying pop.
He wipes the sleep from his face as he looks around, remembering his sleeping on a branch, then the memories from last night flash in his head.
“Morning Colonel” He hears your voice, he turns to look at you, seeing you once again weaving, he looks at a pile of rolls. You don’t even look at him as you pay more attention at your weaving.
“What are you doing, darlin?”
“Making hammocks” you answer as you show him your craftsmanship, “it’ll be safer to sleep above ground”
You look at Quaritch with a face that says “I told you so” you told him for the start, it’s safer to sleep in the trees than on the ground. It bothered you seeing Quaritch having to have someone on watch, if they have been sleeping on the trees, everyone could rest for the night.
Quaritch couldn’t hold back a scoff making you smirk.
“I have Rawm looking for the other” you tell him. That made Quaritch eye you suspiciously. He didn’t hear an Ikran screech, unless you went while he was asleep.
“When?”
“When you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you” you reply. Quaritch hums In acknowledgment before looking away from you and sees a pile of Sparta fruit next to you. You had a busy morning.
You catch Quaritch eyeing the fruit, making you giggle.
“Here” you grab one and swiftly toss to him. Quaritch catches it with ease but winches from him stretching his wound, it doesn’t feel as bad as last night but it still stings like a bitch.
“Maybe we should look for a pond” you suggest as you stand up and jump over to his branch. You crouch down behind him as you trail your fingertips around the edges of the leaf.
“What for?” Quaritch as before take a bite out of the fruit, juice dripping down his chin and fingers.
“You need to bathe and I need to wash the blood off your cloths” you respond. Quaritch slept shirtless since you had made him take it off to clean his wound properly last night.
“Want to see me naked, Sully?” Quaritch teases with a smirk. You roll your eyes and purposely rip off the leaf from his skin, making him let out a loud growl. He turns to look at you with a scowl.
“Oops” you faux innocently with a sickeningly sweet smile making Quaritch glare down at you.
“Cmon Colonel, up and at ‘em” you pat on his shoulder before standing up to your full height.
It amazes Quaritch how short you are. Even when he’s sitting down, he still towers over you, you just beat him about 2 inches.
“You weren’t kidding” you stare at him with a raise brow, obviously confused.
“About what?”
“You really are short” Quaritch smirks humorously when he sees you scowl.
“Shut up and your stupid fruit. Skxáwng” you huff before turning away from him. You growl when you hear Quaritch laugh.
——
“Keep up” you yell behind you as you effortlessly run through a narrow branch.
“Woah” Quaritch mutters as he try’s to catch his balance. You notice this and turns to face him.
“Told you you needed to learn your balance” you say smugly.
“Shut up, Sully!” You cover mouth from stopping yourself to laugh out loud but couldn’t hold back the giggle escaping.
You watch as he looks down at his feet, instantly losing his balance. Reaching out to support him, you laugh as his sharp yellow finds yours. Waiting until he has his balance back, you let go of his big arms, watching as he slowly backs up on the branch, arms spread out to keep his balance. 
“See? Not so hard” you smile brightly up at him at his obvious pride. He’s like a baby, but it’s adorable the way his ears peek up.
“Come, we are not far” you turn your back on Quaritch as you continue your trail, Quaritch tries his best to keep his balance as he runs close behind you.
Quaritch keeps his focus on his feet, not realizing you stopped walking before he collided into your backside, he instinctively wraps his arms around you to catch himself, both you stumbling and fighting to catch your balance.
“Hey! Watch it!” You yelp as grasp onto his muscular forearms.
“Me! You’re the one that decided stop and stare at the abyss”
“The what?” Quaritch watches you as you furrow your brows in confusion, you shake your head dismissively, before pushing at his arms to let go of you.
“Nevermind, look” you point. Quaritch lets you pull his arms away before he looks at the direction you’re pointing at.
“What the hell is that?” He squints his eyes trying understand what he’s seeing.
“Pa’li” you answer, Quaritch looks at blankly making you roll your eyes, “You call them Direhorse. They make good practice”
“Practice? Practice for what?”
“Remember what I said? Tsaheylu, The bond, is one of the most important thing a Na’vi can have access to when wanting to connect with the world and nature around us. Pa’li is good practice before bonding with Ikran” you explain.
“If I bond with one of them, do they only belong to me?” He ask.
“Unlike an Ikran however, the neural link made between rider and Pa’li does not lead to a lifelong, exclusive bond between Na'vi and animal. That is why they make great practice” you explain once again.
You both watch as the Pa’li’s feed their bellies by licking the nectar off of some plants with their long tongues.
This is what you wanted, you’ve wanted to teach the recoms how to ride a Pa’li but you’ve been afraid, afraid they’ll hurt them. But seeing as Quaritch doesn’t have any weapons but his combat knife, losing his gun back at the river, you might be able to teach him.
“Let’s get clean up before teaching you, come” you pull on Quaritch wrist, he lets you drag him.
——
Quaritch watches, amazed as he sees how in tune you seem to be with the animal and how calm it was being in your presence. You rub your hand on the animal snout, earning a soft snort from the Pa’li in contentment.
Miles was captivated and wanted to see how this bond works. Your queue tendrils exposed themselves while you gently guided the Pa’li queue with your hand until both wrapped together and connected tightly.
You hum.
“When you make Tsaheylu, you feel them as they feel you” you hum
“Darlin, you have no idea how wrong that sounds” Quaritch comments. You look at him with a deadpan look. You gently disconnect the bond.
“You’re childish” you pat the Pa’li neck before turning to look At Quaritch with grin.
“Now. Your turn. Get on” you gesture toward the animal behind you. Quaritch gulps nervously.
How the hell is he going to do this without killing himself!
——
“Shit” Quaritch curses as he falls off the Pa’li to the mud. Seeing him fall sparked a laugh from you.
“You okay?” You giggle as he lets you help him up. You grab him by his arm as you hoist him.
“I’m great, darlin” he responds, but you can hear the sarcasm, which makes you giggle even harder, making him scowl.
“If it makes you feel any better. My dad couldn’t ride a Pa’li neither” you smile.
“It certainly does… not” Quaritch wipes his mud covered hands on his cammies.
What was the point of bathing if I’m going to get dirty again?
“You got mud on your face” you point. Quaritch groans as he tries to his face but doesn’t realize he’s making it worse.
“You’re making it worse” you giggle.
Quaritch stops what he’s doing and looks down at you as you reach up to wipe off any mud on his face.
“There” you smile up at him. Quaritch gaze down at you, almost admiring your features with a soft look. Your smile slowly drops as you gaze right back at him.
Lifting one of his hand to cup your cheek and rubs his thumb against your check bone. Slowly he started to lean down and you lean forward. You close your eye’s in anticipation.
“Colonel!”
Your eyes snap open, you push Quaritch away from you and take a step back as the both you look behind him to see Spider and the unit.
“Y/n” Spider yells as he runs towards you, Quaritch steps aside omit of his way as they all watch Spider throw himself into your arms.
“Don’t ever do that again, please! I beg you! I don’t want to lose you” Spider sobs in Na’vi. Tears prick in the corner of your eyes as you hood Spider like he was a baby in your arms. Spider holds you so tight like he’s afraid you’ll disappear again.
“It’s okay. I’m right here!” You softly coo as you rub Spider’s back. You softly kiss the crown of Spider’s head.
The recoms watches the reunion between the two of you. They knew how close you were but didn’t realize how deep the bond you and Spider have.
Quaritch and Lyle watches. One feels guilty while the other feels approbation.
——
As eclipse came, you made the unit sleep in the trees, they instantly agreed. You helped them set them up, each sleeping comfortably without worrying for any predators.
You made yours bigger so Spider could sleep with you. He cling on to you all day, not once leaving your side, always holding onto your tail as he trails behind you.
You hug Spider close to your chest as you brush your fingers through his dreads, he hums contentedly. You hum a lullaby to help him sleep.
“Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your sister’s here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way, it's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy”
Softly singing the lyrics, you kiss Spiders head. You hug Spider tightly, you close your eyes, letting sleep take over you.
Quaritch and Lyle watches you as you, they both couldn’t take their eyes off of you. They admire the connection you have with Spider, the clear love you have for him.
They both make eye contact with each other, both longing for one another. Lyle is the first to break eye contact by turning away from him and turn on his side, his back facing Quaritch. Quaritch sighs as he looks up at the sky.
I remember the very first moment I properly looked into your eyes. It was like gazing at the stars for the first time.
Taglist: @alexandra-001 @commanderrivercc-3628 @henhousesinger @certainkittenpeach @multi-fandom-rando @zzedah
Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/aninelover21-blog/731326408887042048/i-wanna-be-yours-masterlist
(I am going to change the title of this book. Fun fact this was originally supposed to be miles Quaritch x reader, I added Lyle at the last minute and I’m so glad I did. I’ll rename this book “I wanna be yours” so I’ll have to edit all this lol)
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bonny-kookoo · 8 months
Text
Jungkook
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 [Part 3]
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Sometimes you just miss your chance. Sometimes you have to take it.
Tags/Warnings: Non-Idol Jungkook, Dog Hybrid!Reader, former criminal!Jungkook, mentions of past neglect/abuse, reader has some pretty bad psychological problems (OCD, Anxiety, Selective mutism, hints at an eating disorder), hypersomnia, road to recovery, hurt and lots of comfort, angst, Jungkook has some problems with aggression and swears a lot, more TBA in future chapters
Length: I did not count sue me I guess
There is no taglist for this fic.
A/N: You can have early access to this and other selected fics on my Patreon!
⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅
It's not uncommon for him not to see you much during his work. But today, especially considering how close you've gotten to him and how comfortable, it's weird to him that he doesnt see you at all.
"Jungkook.." Hana says, catching his attention as he mops the floor of the lunch area where all hybrids had just eaten a few minutes prior. "Do you have a moment?" she asks, voice soft and kind, though he's guarded, because he knows that soft-tune she puts on.
She's talking to him like she does to the other hybrids.
Something's up.
"Sure." he shrugs, putting the mop to the side before followong her to the side. "What's up? Did I do something?" he wonders, hands in his pockets while he leans against the wall behind him.
"I think you've already noticed that 268- the hybrid you've been spending time with.. She's not here." Hana says, and she doesn't need to say your name to make his eyes harden. Technically you don't have one after all, only your ID number he's able to recite back by pure instinct. He knows that she's talking about you. There's no one else she could mean.
"what about her?" he asks suspiciously, already irritated because deep down, he's got his fears. Maybe you've been adopted. Then he should be happy, right?
Except he isn't.
"She's been transferred..." Hana says, sighing before she crosses her arms in front of her, a clear sign she's going to try and justify that action while also blocking his for sure incoming anger. "...to a correctional facility in Daegu."
"What the fuck?!" he loudly barks out as soon as he hears that, visibly distressed. "Do you know what they fucking do to hybrids in these shitholes?" he demands to know, fists curled tightly as hed pushed himself off the wall vehind him, walking a step towards her. "She's gonna be even more traumatized in there, good fucking job!" he scoffs.
"please, a bit more quiet-" she tries as she notices some hybrids looking. "-she's gonna be fine. They're trained in cases like hers-"
"and if she doesnt comply she will just be sent to another, and another, and a-fucking-nother! Great solution, really!" he barks out, pulling the nametag from around his neck aggressively. "I'm done participating in this bullshit."
"Jungkook-" she tries, but he's already walking.
"I've got a week left of this work and I've not taken any days off." he says grimly, turning around with angry eyes. "I'm taking them now." He growls angrily, leaving the area to go grab his things- when a young man looks at him, then at his nametag Jungkook is taking off in frustration.
"Jeon Jungkook?" The man says, standing next to him dressed in all black, a facemask covering half of his face. He looks sketchy- and has caught Jungkook during the worst time possible.
"What!?" he snarls more or less, before a letter is pushed into his hand, catching him off guard.
"You're being summoned to court." the man says. Jungkook's blood runs cold at that.
"I've done the community service shit, what the hell?" he argues, but almost weakly so- because he knows he's powerless against the legal system. If they believe he needs further, worse punishment, then he'll have to take it.
"Oh they know, it's not about that." the guy says. "Or at least, not entirely. Read it at home. I think you'll be interested in showing up." the guy almost chuckles, cat-like eyes showing his amusement over the situation.
"..huh." Jungkook doesn't say anything else, turning around to go grab his bag.
"Ah, and Jungkook-ssi." the guy calls out, making the younger man roll his eyes as he turns around. "could you borrow me some of your clothes?"
"..the fuck?" he squints his eyes, unsure what this stranger wants with his clothes of all things. "Why would you want my stuff?" He asks, cringing a bit.
"I think anything that's got your scent on it would do. Just bring something when you visit." the man says, handing him a card, and a plastic.. ID, similar to the one he uses to wear at the center right here. "I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
The card is from the Hybrid Behavioral Therapy Center in Daegu, contact info and location address clearly written down beneath the logo. But it'sthe plastic ID card that makes hus eyes widen, because it clearly spells out;
'Special Clearance Pass: Potential owner for hybrid 268.'
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writingpei · 1 year
Text
wicked games - lee minho
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pairing: lee minho x f!reader genre: academic rivals to lovers cw: curse words, parental abuse and neglect, unhealthy relationship with studying, bullying, minho is a dick sometimes summary: park y/n thinks lee minho is an idiot (regardless of how many 100% scores he scored on countless tests, how many of his papers were praised by professors, and how many ugly academic olympic trophies he won), but she can't quite remember who she was before he came along to be the bane of her fucking existence. when the two go head-to-head for a scholarship to her dream college, all hell breaks loose at haneul high school. ⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙
→ chapter one: destiny works in mysterious ways (wc: 4.3k)
↳ eventful timeline of terror that marked unpleasant but fundamental moments for the comprehension of the relationship between y/n and minho, its apex in the current moment in which the story takes place, the unpredictable senior year of high school
→ chapter two: off to the races (wc: 3k)
↳ the proposal of a scholarship won through a competition is rubbed in the students' faces by the school and park y/n and lee minho can't be expected not to fly at each other's throats in the process of trying to win over one another
→ chapter three: hit you harder (wc: 4.5k)
↳ being forced to pair up with minho in the chem lab makes for an unpleasant start to y/n's morning, but the strange blonde boy who awaits her at his knees at the end of the class makes an interesting turn of events
→ chapter four: rumour has it (wc: 4k)
↳ rumors between y/n and hyunjin fly loose through the halls of haneul high school, and when they reach minho's ears, who knows what it might do to him
→ chapter five: roses are fine, but i like the harder stuff (wc: 3.2k)
↳ how could minho prefer anything his money could buy over the blind hatred she felt for him?
→ chapter six: color me green (wc: 2.6k)
↳ when school's valentine's day arrives, very little can spoil minho's good mood, especially when he finally finds out who the hwang hyunjin guy is… not that he cares anyway
→ chapter seven: action and reaction (wc: 2.1k)
↳ when the stars start to drip from the sky, minho sees himself having to do the thing he hates the most in the world: go home
→ chapter eight: i'll be your mirror (wc: 2.6k)
↳ triggered by the weight of his home, minho runs to the one who is always there for him; a deep dive into the friendship between him and yongbok
→ chapter nine: welcome to the jungle (wc: 2.7k)
↳ the running for school's student council president is happening, which can only mean one thing... they want to kill each other (again)
→ chapter ten: detention (wc: 2k)
↳ minho did something bad, but his name not being said on stage and the round of applause not being meant for him makes it all worth it
→ chapter eleven: savior complex (wc: 2.4k)
↳ "the way to hell is paved with good intentions", but does that saying extend to the complexion of hwang hyunjin or does it stop only for him?
→ chapter twelve: i'm looking through you (wc: 2.5k)
↳ yongbok started to plant a seed inside minho's head to try and make him realize what his feelings really mean, but he's almost figuring it out on his own
→ chapter thirteen: feels like we only go backwards (wc: 3.5k)
↳ the hostility between minho and y/n is too much to bear even by the people around them, that’s why throwing them in a small room and locking them up together seemed like a good idea at a first glance
→ chapter fourteen: i still don’t know where everything went (wc: 5.2k)
↳ something is going on inside minho but he can’t quite put his finger on it. the school’s basketball game, however, can only make his confusion worse
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harukapologist · 6 months
Text
rambling about Haruka
As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.
Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.
I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka
Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.
The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.
Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.
That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.
All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.
As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.
It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.
I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?
When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.
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bonefall · 6 months
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This is kinda a funny comment but @ Brambleclaw telling Hollypaw how smart she is, i remember reading an article about how corporate spies (YES THIS IS RELATED) got information. The article was mostly one person's retelling about how it was entirely though phone calls where they just ask for information, and whenever the person on the other side started questioning them for why they needed the information, they were told to switch to praising the person on the other side for sticking to the rules and 'authenticating/checking' everything. That they'd 'put in a good word for how dedicated they were', basically buttering them up and making them feel good about catching what they were doing specifically to nudge them away from actually catching on.
I find it WILDLY interesting how the Erins just ACCIDENTALLY put actual manipulation tactics in their books when trying to make a male figure seem like a good person, almost like they're writing from experience in some kind of elaborate essay to themselves about how that behavior is okay and justifiable. They write in another character, Crowfeather, who abuses in a different, more noticable way just to compare and go "At least it's not this bad!" (the scene where Crowfeather chews out Breezepaw and one of them goes 'id rather Brambleclaw any day of the week!'), and then have Ashfur butter up Brambleclaw so that him excusing Ashfur's abuse can be claimed as Ashfur manipulating him.
ANYWAYS a question so you can properly add to the ask: How DOES the Ashfur buttering up Brambleclaw thing go down? Does Ashfur even NEED to butter him up? I think it'd be a little interesting if Hollypaw telling Brambleclaw was the first time he's actually heard of it happening, but he either confronts Ashfur and THEN gets buttered up, or he heards, thinks about it, and goes "nah its good actually I'd do the same".
There's actually a name for the tactic Ashfur uses that you saw in that spy article. It's called Ingratiation.
It's the act of making someone have a higher opinion of you, therefore putting more trust in you, by simply getting them to like you. Flattery, posing yourself as an in-group, and even using humor can all be part of ingratiation.
Now-- Ingratiation isn't ALWAYS nefarious. It's normal to try and make a good impression, or want to be liked by a possible friend or coworker. We try to influence other people all the time, we're social animals. It's just good to know that it CAN be used maliciously.
So I'm not too surprised to see a manipulation tactic in the book. I was using "buttering up" exactly because most people know WHAT it is, and that it IS a way to get people to do stuff, but don't connect that to its academic name. Like you said though what's so BIZARRE about it is how they really DO sometimes seem to be writing this looooong essay to themselves about how that was all Fine, Actually.
ESPECIALLY the way Bramble and Crow were contrasted in the Dog Scolding Scene. I left most of Bramble out because I was trying to focus on proving that Breeze was abused, but Nonny... the way the Three get chewed the fuck out by Bramble, as he insults them, assures Crow he won't be stopping for their exhausted sakes, and doesn't indicate that his anger is coming from concern...
It massively reminded me of when one neglected kid sees another kid get abused too. "Oh, well, what I'm going through isn't so bad, because it's not like THAT."
THEYRE SO CLOSE. ALL THE TIME. Like an INCH away from the point and it's AGONIZING.
Anyway... in BB, Bramble's enabling of Lionpaw's abuse is a WATERSHED moment for a bunch of the character arcs, especially Hollypaw.
I plan to keep it very similar to canon actually, I think it's stainless steel the way it is.
Ashfur KNOWS what he is doing.
He wasn't rolling for a save. It was calculated. Brambleclaw is someone who could have stopped his abuse, so he sought him out.
Can you see how inescapable that makes it, for Holly and Lion?
Holly finally worked up the courage to say something and stand up for her brother, only for her father to coo like she's a kitten who doesn't understand the world.
Even Lionpaw's father believes it's good and right to BLEED for your Clan. That this is normal... that this is even what love can look like.
BB!Lionblaze is the adopted father of his bio-nespring, Ivypool and Dovewing. What he internalizes here as a child is going to hurt BOTH of his daughters down the road, as he shoves them into the Dark Forest and a Prophecy, respectively.
Even after Brambleclaw disowns him and Lionblaze rejects him in response, adamantly saying he has ONLY a mother, he won't reject this lesson until it's TOO LATE.
And Hollypaw is so damaged by this scene that it's going to be the first domino towards her murderous break in Cruel Season.
"I need you to keep your brothers in line, Hollypaw" is soup stock, and then add obsession with the Code, constant betrayal from the relationships she forges in other Clans, her near-murder at the claws of Ashfur when he finds out the Power of Three + Fire and Tiger prophecies, and the murder of her mentor and grandfather.
And then she finds out her HalfClan brother, a Cleric, angel-punching blasphemous wretch he is, has gotten Poppyfrost pregnant. Just like Leafpool before him.
What else IS "keeping them in line" supposed to be, when he's gone this far? He's had enough chances. She will do what she's meant for. Jayfeather must DIE.
Bramblestar himself is notorious in BB for being incredibly controversial as a leader, taking power in Cruel Season just after Firestar is killed by the Dark Forest assassins.
This is part of his personality. He is easily blinded by his own feelings, and it makes him a good target for manipulation.
His first deputy, Thornclaw, exploits many of the same weaknesses Ashfur did. All part of the Dark Forest's plan.
And even Ashfur. Up in StarClan, he continues to plot, eventually leading to the events of TBC and his time as the Impostor.
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casuallyawkardd · 10 months
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Dating Hobie Brown
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Pairing: Hobie Brown x GN!Reader
Summary: My personal headcannon of what it would be like dating Hobie Brown. Includes how you met, got together and etc. 
Warnings: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, death and violence
A/N: Idk how old Hobie actually is, but I always pictured he was like nineteen so don’t @ me when the NSFW comes out. Also I didn’t mean for it to come out as sad as it did?? So sorry I guess 
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Meeting
Your mother is the captain of the police force. Growing up, it was just the two of you and because of this your mother made sure to raise you right. Making sure you said your ‘please’s and ‘thank you’s, got good grades in school, didn’t get involved with the wrong crowd, etc. etc. As you got older, you learned just how hard your mom worked to make sure you had a good childhood, a good life, and so you made sure to do as you were told. To be her perfect, little baby. 
However, it was hard to make sure you grew up in a ‘good’ environment the older you got. Especially when you began to understand that not everyone saw your mom as the hero you saw her as. The political environment of London was unstable, protests and riots becoming more and more frequent. Sure, you agreed that the government was corrupted and people abused the power they were given, but when you started seeing signs that trash talked the captain of the police force, you couldn’t help but take it personally. Yeah, there were some bad people out there, but your mother was not one of them. 
Being the kid of the police captain makes you a walking target and you find that out the hard way. One night, as you’re walking home from one of your uni’s night classes, some extremists decide to back you into the nearest alley. They weren’t like the usual protestors who would shout at you while you walked down the street, these were the kind that were in it for the rioting. More about making a scene than supporting a cause, practically looking for an excuse to do some damage. 
You have no intention of making it easy for them, mama didn’t raise no bitch. They shove you and you shove back even harder. They get in your face to spit insults, you scream some right back. It’s a back and forth that goes downhill quickly, four against one being painfully unfair odds. 
Before you get your ass kicked, your savior arrives. You recognize him immediately; the ripped jeans, leather jacket, the red mask with a spiked mohawk, you’re taken aback as you watch Spider-Man pummel your antagonizers and yell at them to ‘fuck off!’ Now it’s just the two of you in the dark alley and you don’t know how to feel. On one hand, he did just save you from getting your teeth knocked in. On the other, the guy was the bane of your mother’s existence, practically the ringmaster of every protest and riot in London that makes her lose sleep at night. 
”You’re the captain’s kid, ain’tcha?”
“Can’t let a lovely face like yours get broken, eh?”
He’s...charming, his fingers gently grasping your chin as he assesses the damage. Even offers to take you home, which he doesn’t even give you the chance to say yes or no to as he’s already walking you down the street. While there’s a certain allure to him, he’s also a thorn in your side. Teasing you, making up antagonizing nicknames, by the time you make it to your apartment building you’re sure he’s just doing it to spite you. For once, you go against what your mother taught you and don’t thank him as you slam the window shut.
“What? No kiss goodnight?”
Meeting...Again
When you two cross paths again, it’s not when he’s Spider-Man. One of your friends from your creative writing class drags you out to the pub. Saying it was a crime you had been eighteen years old for six months and had yet to have your first drink. The bar is loud, filled with the type of people your mother would kill you for hanging out with. It seems your friend had neglected to tell you this particular venue was a dive bar. A dive bar that was frequented by bikers and freedom fighters. 
You don’t notice him, but Hobie recognizes you instantly; a smirk making its way onto his face as he strolls over. You’re tucked into the corner of the bar quietly sipping on some drinks, your friend having long since ditched you to talk to someone who caught her eye.
“Hiding away are you, love?”
The voice is familiar, making you turn to face him instantly. Where you’ve heard it is a little trickier to place. One quick up and down of the man now leaning against the bar has you stiffening. He’s practically the definition of what your mother has tried to protect you from for years, telling you that people that looked like him were bad news. Yet it seems your attempts to dissuade him are futile, in fact Hobie almost seems to enjoy the banter. He says one thing, you turn your nose up at it. He responds to your insults with vaguely flirty comments and chuckles when you go hot under the collar. 
He finally gets you to crack when he brings up music. It’s your passion, your life, hell it’s what got you a scholarship to even get into uni in the first place; tuition being well out of your budget. While it’s no surprise your tastes in music differ, it’s more about how he talks about music. You learn he’s a musician too, that he believes it’s not just about ‘finding a good beat’; how music can touch the soul if done just right. That it’s something that can unite the unlikeliest people.
It surprises you, in a good way. Has you thinking there’s maybe more to him than meets the eye. You say as much, Hobie teasing you about how ‘you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover’, which has you rolling your eyes. He’s not wrong though, the more he talks the more you want to listen. Not just about music, but the little details of his past, his beliefs, ideals and even his little quirks that he brings up organically in the conversation. What’s even better is how he matches your interest with his own, pulling out every little detail about yourself he can. 
You don’t realize it’s gotten late, a quick glance at your phone showing you had missed a concerning amount of calls and texts from your mum. Drunkenly, you stand and stagger, the drinks you had been sipping on, that Hobie so generously kept buying you, starting to pack a punch. Large hands hold you steady, Hobie offering to walk you home. You tell him no, the slur of the word causing him to guide you out of the pub regardless. 
You never thought walking home from a bar could be this fun. The fuzzy feeling in your head making you giggle and stumble down the path, Hobie following along and indulging you and your drunken bantering. When you do finally get home, you dread the idea of encountering your mother in your intoxicated state. Not to mention the fact you were accompanied with a ‘ ‘delinquent’ ’, your mother’s words not yours, like Hobie. The final decision is to crawl through your bedroom window, demanding Hobie give you a lift. The suggestion has him grinning ear to ear, tall stature lowering into a crouch and longer finger intertwining to give you a step.
“So there’s a little rebel in you after all, eh?”
Getting Together + “Dating”
The two of you becoming an item happens before you even realize it. You had been going about things under the guise of friendship, that is until one of his friends brings it up. A harmless little comment really, telling you that your ‘little boy toy’ was causing a ruckus yet again and might need someone to reel him in. It perplexes you, said friend beginning to tease you for playing coy. When you finally do fetch Hobie and apologize on his behalf, they give you a knowing look as you and your ‘boy toy’ head out for the evening. 
Suddenly you’re very aware of the way he grabs your hand when guiding you through a crowded room. Fingers laced with yours for a better grip and using his body to shove people aside to give you a clear path. The gentle kisses on your forehead when he tells you goodnight or on your knuckles when he’s trying to apologize for something. How his forehead touches yours when you listen to one of his favorite cassette tapes, your eyes closed to focus on the music while he watches you softly mouth the words to the song. The proud look he gets on his face whenever you do something out of your comfort zone, followed by him saying ‘I told you so’ when you end up liking it. 
“Nah mate, I don’t do labels.”
Is his response when someone flat out calls him your boyfriend. He says it simply, bluntly and you try to deny the sting in your chest when he does. And yet you hold your tongue, suppressing your comments with the bitter taste of beer. The routine you’ve begun now feels full of falsehoods. Spending the day between home and uni classes to keep up appearances as the ‘perfect child’; evenings at small pubs and Hobie’s flat where you finally get to unwind and take a break. What were his intentions? Was he like this with other people? Is what the two of you have not as special as you had thought?
The thoughts swirl through your head as you begin your walk home from the pub, yet another part of your new routine. Although this time, rather than Hobie and you walking side by side, air filled with chatter and quieted laughter, tonight he’s a few paces behind you. Not by choice, rather you seem to be refusing to speak to him, picking up the pace whenever he tries to match your stride. Could he easily close the distance with his long stride? Sure, but he knows when to not push your boundaries. 
He’s had enough by the time you arrive at your apartment building, a familiar, large hand wrapping around your forearm and pulling you to him. He’s not mad, barely even upset, just confused why you’re acting so differently. Usually you liked his calm demeanor, it seemed to balance out your high strung one, but right now it infuriates you. How does he not get it? Swerving the goodnight kiss, you head up to your flat to put this night behind you.
 After about a week of you declining invites and giving him the cold shoulder, Hobie decides to come to you. He tries to be respectful, giving you space for reasons he has yet to understand, but that doesn’t mean he can’t watch you. It’s not creepy...he’s just making sure you get home safe, watching from the building across the street from your usual route home...it’s not weird, right? Right? 
He can’t stand it, shooting a web and swinging to land gracefully in front of you. Or he tries to, his boot got caught on the concrete and he had to stumble to a stop. Since when has he been this clumsy? You stand dumbfounded, not recognizing him when he’s in his Spider-Man suit. He doesn’t even remember he’s in the stupid thing until he’s halfway through his rantings; talking about how ‘uncool’ it is to be avoiding him and how he thought of you as more mature than this. That he can’t fix the problem unless you tell him the problem.
After a moment of awkward silence, the look of recognition flashes across your face and he’s ushering you into the nearest alley before you can blurt out his secret identity. Stuck between Hobie and the brick wall, you’re forced to fess up to why you’ve been so distant, Hobie refusing to budge until you do. You can’t even look him in the eye as you spill every thought you’ve had over the last week. Talking about how you have feelings for him, but hate him for making you like him. How you don’t care if he feels the same, but you do care that he acts like he feels the same. That it’s not fair he gets to decide what can and can’t be a label and if he’s not your boyfriend then what is he? That it-
Hobie cuts you off as he leans in, lips pressing tenderly against yours. You hesitate before leaning into it, his warmth surrounds you as his arms move to wrap around your back. You realize you missed his touch, the contrast between the coolness of his piercing and the comfort of his lips on your skin. When he pulls away, he continues to hold you close, hand coming up to hold your face, a calloused thumb stroking your cheekbone. 
“I’m not into putting a label on things, but I’m into....this. I like what this is. I don’t need a stupid label to tell everyone I like you and you like me cuz the only people who need to know are you and me. Innit that right, love?”
You point out that while it’s touching he feels that way, there might be a hole or two in his idea. The two of you decide to compromise so the next time someone asks, you tell people you’re ‘exclusive’. It’s not a label, it’s an adjective, totally different.
Future
You two met before the spiderverse, before Hobie even knew what a canon event was. If he had, he might’ve prevented his next one. Your mother’s death came during a flurry of incidents. For you, it was her finding out about Hobie. As expected, she was furious when she found the two of you saying your goodbyes through your bedroom window. The fight that ensued between you and her was monstrous . You’d always been a good kid, her perfect, little angel. You’d grown to hate that word. Perfect. What’s the point in being perfect if you can’t live your life? Have a little fun?
She blames Hobie for your change in tune, forbidding you from ever seeing him again. The bubble of anger swelling in your chest bursts and you tell her ‘no’ for the first time. Scream it at her actually. That you’d done everything she asked for your whole life and that you weren’t going to give up the one thing you did for yourself. That it wasn’t a crime to like someone like Hobie, that there was more to him if she would just give him a chance. Your mother refuses to listen, dismissing you to go to your room. Reluctantly you comply, but not without shouting a final ‘I hate you!’ as you slam the door. 
Hobie, while frazzled by the little bit of the argument he’d witnessed, has his own problems brewing. He’s caught wind of Kingpin, the rumor being that he’s working with Osborn once again. This time, he’s gotten his slimy hands on some illegal weapons that’ll give the police force the upper hand against the freedom fighters. He’s on the scene, but so is your mother, who had left after your fight when she got tipped off. Hobie can see she’s alone, most likely being too impatient for backup like she usually is. 
Everything happens too quickly, hissing whispers between him and her as he tries to tell her to ‘bugger off’, her saying she’s not going to let some kid get hurt while playing hero. Huh, she’s never called him a hero before. Hobie doesn’t get to dwell on the thought before they’re spotted, bullets and gun powder filling the night air. Some webbing takes care of Kingpin’s goons, but the bastard is able to get away as usual, but not without delivering the final shot. 
The eyes of Hobie’s spidersuit widen when he sees the blood leaking down the front of your mother’s uniform, instincts drawing him to her side to help her lie down. Emotions stir uncomfortably inside his chest, this is a cop; not just any cop, but the leader of the swine that call themselves the defenders of the people. And yet he’s applying pressure to the wound, holding off the inevitable because right now she isn’t the captain of the police force, she’s a mother. Your mother. 
Her last words are ingrained in his mind, ‘My baby...I can’t leave my baby.’
You’re confused when you see him in your living room, quietly but urgently saying that he has to go before your mother catches him, unaware she’s not even home. That she wouldn’t be coming back home. Routine and structure is embedded in your being, the idea of your mother’s death coming ‘too soon’ or that ‘you wouldn’t get to say goodbye’ have never crossed your mind. And yet it’s your reality. Your mother doesn’t get to retire and die of old age and the last words you said to her were ‘I hate you.’
“She knows you don’t.”
Hobie tries to comfort you, holding you close despite your resistance. In all honesty, you don’t know if you want to be left alone or never want him to let you go, so you settle for what he has to offer. Hobie doesn’t say much else, partly because he doesn’t know what to say and partly because he thinks all he can do right now is hold you and let your tears soak the front of his suit. 
As morbid as it may sound, your mother’s death came at a convenient time. Your first year of uni had wrapped up the week before, so it hurts less to withdraw. At least you were able to wrap up one year. Whether or not you’ll go back isn’t on your mind, but deep down you know you will. It’s what your mother would’ve wanted. 
You’re grateful for the support system you have, a few uni friends who still keep in touch after you leave and the friends you made through Hobie. While their ‘I’m sorry for your loss’s and ‘I’m here for you’s are comforting, Hobie is the one who’s truly there for you. 
Hobie’s the one who lets you move in with him when you can’t stand being at home, everything there reminding you of her. Hobie’s the one who brings you your meals when you forget to eat, the water you have yet to drink. Hobie’s the one who asks you to play a song he likes, his excuse being that he likes it better when you play it, but you both know it’s his way of making sure you don’t abandon your passions. Hobie’s the one who carries you to bed when you fall asleep to home videos, tucking you in and placing the baby blanket your mother made you on top. Hobie’s the one that heals you, even if it’s only a little. Even if there’s still more of you to make better. 
In terms of marriage and kids, they aren’t things either of you talk about. You’re young, you have a lot more ahead of you. Hobie reminded you of that. That sometimes life doesn’t follow a ‘routine’, that sometimes it’s better to live day by day with the ones you love. 
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Tags:
@khaleesihavilliard @graysonshaven​ @qiaipia​ @3zae-zae3​ @thedevax @erissco​ 
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