#especially since its the best thing i've drawn in MONTHS

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

Dakota, my boi!!

#HE IS BACK!!!! #I love Dakota with my whole entire heart #I drew this while playing lethal company which is the MOST UPSETTING THING #especially since its the best thing i've drawn in MONTHS #my art burnout has been outrageous #i was only allowed to do art for school homework for like 4 months #and it was some REALLY HARD ART ASSIGNMENTS so #i got wildly burnt out #thats what happens when ur the lead artist on a game team i suppose #the amount of environment concepts i made is insane #i dont even do environment art HLSDHFLASDF #BUT YEAH HERE THEY ARE #MY DAKOTA GUY #LOVELIEST LITTLE BEAN #dakota #sona #fursona #furry #art #digital art #african wild dog #the way his ears are SO ROUND send me so much joy

[koboldfactory]

Hello! I hope you're well ^^ um.. May I ask as a brand new starting artist, could you give any insight or tips that helped you learn to draw?

Ok I've been drawing for basically my entire life so it's kinda hard to come up with specific advice to help people who are starting out later in life, but here's some that I think will help any artist, new or not. It's a long list so hit the keep reading tab if you're interested in my art advice ramblings.

Draw what you like, and when it doesn't look as good as you want, keep drawing it until you're able to mentally break it down into its basic shapes and improve the form of the drawing.

If you need even more basic skills maybe focus on drawing just the basic shapes first until you can get them consistent! Cubes, Cylinders, Circles/Spheres are all the building blocks of most art (especially character art) so it's important to be able to draw those 3D shapes at different angles and perspectives accurately if you want to be able to do the same with characters and their proportions.

Use references to learn. Look directly at the things you want to draw when learning to draw them. Even trace stuff, so long as you credit what you traced from if you're posting it online. It can open your eyes to stuff you wouldn't think of just by drawing from memory.

Don't get discouraged if your art doesn't look "good enough" after drawing for a few months or even years. Everyone learns at different rates and it takes a very large amount of effort to get "good" at art (even though that shouldn't necessarily be your final goal)

Draw for FUN. The "draw every day" advice only works until you burn out, which will happen much quicker if you're drawing every day. Take it from me, a person who has drawn almost every day when physically possible since they were able to pick up a pencil. Don't get caught up in engagement or social media popularity either. It will just make drawing feel like a slog trying to chase a very very fleeting goal that is more often than not, almost completely unrelated to your skill level and more so luck. I didn't start posting my art online until I had already been drawing for like 14 years (not saying you have to wait that long, just that the internet is cruel and often unhelpful for new artists' mental states)

Just remember you have to start off bad at art in order to get good at it. And it takes time. A lot of time. It's *never* a lost cause at any point. So many people give up before they've even given themselves the chance to improve.

Hope that was helpful and I wish all new artists the best of luck!

#koboldasks

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’ve just finished Cabin Pressure, and that was, to quote its character who also wrote the thing, brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. For the first few episodes, I thought it was quite a good sitcom, and would be gently amusing for thirteen hours. A few episodes in, I became attached enough to the show to not want to do anything except listen to it. From there I went through the rest of the 28 episodes (26 alphabet ones plus part 2 of Zurich plus a behind the scenes one at the end) quite quickly.

It usually annoys me when people describe any bit of comedy as being especially “British”, because I don’t think you can have a single category of humour to describe The Goon Show and The Thick of It and WILTY and Stewart Lee and Josie Long, to name a few things off the top of my head that are as different from each other as I can imagine. Last year I took my best friend to see Nish Kumar, and he didn’t like it, and I was surprised, and he said I shouldn’t be because I know he doesn’t like British comedy, and I said yes but he based that opinion entirely on seeing Monty Python’s Holy Grail as a kid, and he said well it’s all British comedy. And I said Nish Kumar hasn’t got anything in common with Monty Python (I say that not as a slight against Nish Kumar, if anything it’s a slight against Monty Python).

Having said that, Cabin Pressure immediately strikes me as the absolute epitome of British humour. I don’t like the idea of describing British humour as anything in particular, but if I had to describe it, I’d point to Cabin Pressure. Or maybe it’s just Radio Four humour. A radio show with a bunch of characters who are quite well drawn considering the small number of episodes, getting into sitcom trope-infused situations while being deadpan-ly sarcastic at each other and pronouncing everything perfectly and saying “brilliant” a lot. Peak British comedy. Peak Radio Four.

A lot of playing with class and status among the characters, not just two in opposition to each other but a bunch who are all at different levels, some cases of one person's class not matching up with their status, humour is mined from all these clashes. That's British as fuck. They all do that. Fawlty Towers and The Thick of It and Stewart Lee all do that.

It was so good. I liked how the plot got thicker as it went along, the characters better drawn out, they remembered and brought back little details rather than retconning anything inconvenient. I liked that the characters and relationships actually grew and changed. It had the perfect mix of comfortingly familiar sitcom tropes, with enough character complexity to feel original. Sharp dialogue that made sense for each character, so it didn't feel like the writers were just showing off their cleverness (obviously they were also doing that, but they justified it every time). I don’t watch/listen to fiction nearly as much as I used to, and it’s been some time since I’ve gotten this invested in fictional characters.

I think the alphabet theme might have been what kept any episode from feeling like filler, that there was a clear plan from the beginning for every episode to matter. They were all well written and well acted and if I were re-listening I could jump in to any part of any episode and enjoy it. The whole thing was a delight. Wonderful British humour that I'm definitely adding to the hard drive of comedy that I'm giving my dad for Christmas. I'm very glad I did that.

Having said that, for months now, Cabin Pressure has been sitting in the "comedy to listen to" folder on my phone, with the thought that I'd listen to it once I was done every other thing on my list, and when I finish that I'll start a new long-running thing. It's been months but I've finally finished all of it. What am I supposed to do with my life now?

[ladytauria]

I need to know more about Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper!!!!

-@bi-bats (ughghghgh sideblog laws sorry for the anon)

So, njw's Where's My Goddamn Dinosaur? was one of the first Jaytim fics I ever read, & immediately left me wanting more time travel fics (which, time travel fix-its & the like were already a favorite genre of mine lol). I also read a lot of gen time travel & dimension travel, and. Anyway. That led to "Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper."

It's gone through a few different changes since I first started planning it / writing it. The first version had future!Tim being sent back in time, in his younger body, and I wrote the first two chapters that way. Then I decided I liked future!Tim being sent there as himself better, mostly because in addition to Jaytim I want to explore what Tim's interactions with his younger self might be like. I have also been considering a version where Jason and Tim are sent back to the past, together (for the same reasons as previous). I may make that an entirely separate fic, lol.

But! At least in the current draft, it's 17-year-old Tim sent back in time a few days before Jason died. The title is a reference to the catalyst of the time travel being the end of the world, similar to Where's My Goddamn Dinosaur--though not with the branching timelines~

It's also one of the first fics I started writing, and I've learned a lot more about canon vs fanon & my preferences re: those things since xD So what I do have needs some heavy rewrites, again :P

But have this snippet anyway~

The world as he knew it... is gone. The invasion saw to that. One by one, all of Tim's loved ones had dropped like flies—from the Teen Titans, to Batman himself, to Alfred. this was his only way forward, now—even if it meant, for all intents and purposes, going backward.

The only question is… when?

Six months ago, when this all started? He, and the rest of Earth's heroes, could stop it, especially with the data that Tim had collected over the last six months. That was the logical choice. Tim's life, as he knew it, would go on, exactly as it was before.

But...

Tim looks at the chronometer, turning it over in his hands, watching the light play on the silver. This is his one chance to go back. He should choose carefully. Weigh his choices, make the right one. the best one.

He has no idea exactly how it works. If he goes back to a time he exists, will there be two of him? Or will his consciousness replace his former self?

He doesn't know.

If its the latter, his choices narrow. He can't save Dick's parents—not from the body of a four year old. Tim bites his lip.

He flips the watch open.

If he’s being honest... there's always been one particular date he's been drawn to. One thing he wanted to change, more than anything else. Maybe it's selfish of him, to narrow down to that particular point—to ignore every other tragedy, every other pivotal moment in his life, in his family's lives.

But if you can't be selfish at the end of the world... when can you be?

So… with only a split second of hesitation, Tim keys in the date—and presses the button. There’s a soft chime, and then—

The world warps around him, bending and twisting, blurring together like some awful fevered haze.

And then the floor drops out beneath him, and he is falling, falling, falling—

#bi-bats #asks and answers #thank u for asking! #tauriatalks #idk why i picked four for his age at the circus... i don't have any notes on my adapted timeline like i do in the reverse robins folder #tauriawrites #tauriawritesfanfic #jaytim #dcu

[ladyniniane]

For the Writblr Ask Game: 5, 7 and 13 💕

Please and thank you

End of the year writeblr ask game

Hello 👋 and thank you for the questions ✨!

5) What is your favorite book/story/poem you read this year?

Lauren Groff's Matrix! I don't know if it's my favorite, but it's certainly one of the best things I've read this year. (I don't rate books 5 stars on Goodreads that often).

It has medieval women in all sort of roles: nuns, administrators, visionaries, artists, queens, warriors... Women building their own community and being self-sufficient. A narrative with sorority at its core. And gorgeous writing to boot.

7) What are three songs you put on your WIP-playlist this year?

I tend to associate my characters with Florence and the machine songs and this year was no exception.

First: Seven Devils. My characters aren't usually people you would want to cross, but it especially reminds me of my Shadow and Bone OC, Marya. She can be ruthless and is a fearsome presence on the battlefield.

"Holy water cannot help you now / Thousand armies couldn't keep me out / I don't want your money / I don't want your crown / See, I've come to burn your kingdom down."

Next is Only if for a night. Ismene, the protagonist of one of my WIPs, has just lost her mother. This song about being visited in a dream by a dead relative was perfect.

"And the only solution was to stand and fight / And my body was bruised and I was set alight / But you came over me like some holy rite /And although I was burning, you're the only light."

Last is Shake it Out. I associate it with another of my characters who lost herself, hit rock bottom, but is determined to find her way in spite of her suffering.

"All of his questions, such a mournful sound /Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground /'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn /But it's always darkest before the dawn"

13) How did you change as a writer?

I learned many positive things and I improved my writing, but one thing I've learned was to handle disappointement.

In January, I posted my Fire Emblem Three Houses fanfic on AO3. I put a lot of work in it. It's a novel-length story, I created 4 OCs, with their backstories, their personalities... Since this game has a lot of dead or invisible mothers, I gave them a face and a story. I expanded on some of the game's lore.

And clearly, I was disappointed by the relative lack of interactions. I'm not writing for clout, but I'm also posting my stories in the hope of connecting with other people. But that wasn't really the case on AO3. I had to wait 8 months before getting my first comment.

Of course, it still had some interactions, so I don't want to sound ungrateful. I don't want to be internet famous (especially since there are cases of harassment against authors in this fandom). But the thing is that I hoped for...more. And it felt like screaming in the void, especially after having put all this work.

Then, I published my Shadow and Bone fanfic and the response was very different and heartwarming. This made me realize that the problem wasn't probably with my writing or storytelling, but mainly with the fandom. This fandom doesn't seem to want what I have to offer (I wish people would step out their comfort zone and stop being this wary of OCs. Maybe I will elaborate on this later).

Furthermore, the people who read this story enjoyed it. And I had fun writing it. So I chose to focus on the positive side of this experience and I will keep writing about my characters because I believe in their potential.

#answered asks #intricatecaprice #my ocs #marya #ismene #maude

[azureaqua]

Final Showdown! (a.k.a Last of the Ikemen artbreeder series, the Ikesen guys - Pt. 1)

Yay, I'm not dead! Or I have just risen from the dead.

After nearly 2 months I've made the Ikesen guys too. Let me tell you, this was the hardest & longest one tbh. I had to make asian portraits only and there were 17 guys in total, so yeah, it took some time.

(It's also kind of funny how - unintentionally - I did my 3 main Ikemen games in a certain order; the way the suitors' number grow each time lol.)

I'm not sure if I'm as satisfied with this batch as I want to be, despite the time and effort, but all together they look nice! So let's get into it!

↓

Part 2 here!

• Maeda Keiji

(So, at first Keiji was Shingen's prototype, if you will. Mainly because of the hair and its color. Also his basic features were good; like the smokey, smouldering eyes, nicely curved eyebrows and mouth, and stronger cheekbones and jaw. (Idk, I always imagined Shingen having really nice and defined cheekbones in real life haha.) But in the end, he looked a bit too young, I guess? Shingen - historically - but even in the game IS one of the older guys, so I wanted to make him even more mature. And then I looked at this prototype and because of the hair's shape Keiji came to mind and in the end, I think I did the right thing.)

• Kennyo

(I admit it, he was - surprisingly - one of the easiest ones. I was genuinely worried that he'll be hard to recapture because of the harsh scar and grimace on his face, and again; the older-man look. I guess I just got lucky with the bases? Other than his scar that I had to draw on, I didn't touch up anything. His design is the most Asian-like in my opinion with the 'everything black' theme going on with his hair and eyes lol.)

• Tokugawa Ieyasu

(He wasn't as hard either, than some of my other edits, but I couldn't get him right the first time. He was okay, but really, not the best effort. His face was just off - it was way too soft. Ieyasu is young, perhaps one of the youngest of them all, but he has an uninterested scowling expression on him almost all the time, so I guess that makes him appear more mature in general. But I'm definitely satisfied with him, and his emerald green eyes look super nice!)

• Uesugi Kenshin

(Well, he's one of those that I'm not exactly sure about. At one point he seems accurate, but then just so off-track of his game avatar so I genuinely don't know what to think. He has a harder stare and more grown-up look and features than Ieyasu, so they are not the same base. Although, while making them, I was thinking of using them for each other, since they are very similar with the blonde hair and cold, uninterested stares. But he came out pretty and kind of unreachable, noble-like! And they definitely describe him as so in the game so it's a win?!)

• Sarutobi Sasuke

(It was a two-part thing again, since he's that ONE character who wears glasses lol. Editing on specs in a way that looks good AND appropriate for the character is hard. Although for Faust, I think I really did a good job and probably won a lotto or something that it came out so good. But I think Sasuke isn't as bad either! His eyes and hair are fairly simple, but achieving that stoic, blank expression was the real deal in the end. But it worked, he looks smart, like a real moderately awesome ninja!)

• Date Masamune

(He was difficult, especially since I had to imagine the eyepatch on him every time. It makes a big difference, trust me. This isn't the original edit of him, on second tries I always do a better job to be honest. By then I realized that his cheerful and reckless expression was missing and tried to give him a wider smile and sharper eyes and he indeed came out super handsome with those plus touches! His eyepatch is drawn on by me again, but even that can't ruin this image!)

• Mori Ranmaru

(I struggled with him the most, I feel like? His baby-like features, overly cheerful smile and big eyes was hard to achieve... Somewhat. I don't think I did him justice. Also, I admit that I mixed female prototypes into him, mainly because of the hair, but also since in the game they mention it a lot of times that he's considered really beautiful and feminine. All-in-all, I think he's precious nonetheless!)

• Akechi Mitsuhide

(I'm also not quite satisfied with him, because I think at some point I had a better base for his face and hair, but in the end when I tried mixing with that one or just reconstructing it, it didn't come out so well. And in itself that piece wasn't good enough, so yeah, that's why we ended up here. He could use some more work, but I wasn't exactly sure where? From a close up he feels decent though, so maybe it's some kind of black magic. I also like his expression and his floofy white hair, I'm happy that I could achieve such a nice, pure color!)

What do you guys think so far? How did I do?

(Don't forget to look at Part 2, with the other guys in it!)

#cybird ikemen series #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #kenshin uesugi #mori ranmaru #sarutobi sasuke #kennyo #ikesen ranmaru #ikesen keiji #ikesen kennyo #ikesen kenshin #maeda keiji #ikesen ieyasu #ieyasu tokugawa #ikesen masamune #date masamune #akechi mitsuhide #ikesen mitsuhide

[lovebvni]

(https://www.tumblr.com/lovebvni/747038166156034048/hi-abyss-thank-you-so-much-for-doing-a-reading)

Hi! This is me again! Gonna be sending you my thoughts on your reading since I feel it's the best way to thank you. Apologies that this is going to be long, I just have a lot to say and your reading resonated deeply with me.

Thank you so much for confirming my gut feeling I'm on the right path. It's taken me nearly 3 years at this point to adopt this mindset I have now, to find something that finally works and clicks with me and feels right. I absolutely will ground myself further into it and stay consistent. I feel that's what I need most right now, the belief and consistency into this energy and mindset I have going, and I'll see the rest unfold along the way.

The song you got for the shufflemancy and your interpretation of it is, not gonna lie, echoing VERY close to a song that's present in the OST of the video game world I'm shifting to. I'm keeping things a little more vague for personal reasons, but you taking this song you got as me "pulling my trigger" in regards to the anger and frustration I have is seriously making me internally go "!!!! just like my friend in that reality". I am so taking this as another indirect sign for me that I'm making the right decision to experience that particular reality. That said, the shufflemancy song itself does resonate with me, especially after looking into the full lyrics. I am someone who tries to keep my anger down and under control as I was never allowed to express it growing up despite always wishing to express it. I do also feel very beholden to the past and I do not want my past experiences to cloud my path going forward. So, this is confirming I need to let myself feel this anger, let it out and express it for once, and move forward.

The winter note is interesting for two reasons. First reason is, winter is my favorite season and I tend to feel most like myself during those months. The winter holidays have always been my favorite and I simply love the energy in December, especially. So the December note is very much sticking out to me. The second is a little more interesting and derived a from a certain feeling I get. Generally I'm open to my exact "entry point" into the main reality I'd like to experience (the video game derived one), but I've mainly been alternating between fall and winter based off vibes and what feels right for me to focus on grounding myself into at the time. Currently I've been focusing on it being fall when I become fully aware of being there despite it not feeling 100% right, but I will also be interpenetrating this as a good suggestion I should go for it being winter instead!

Overall, I'm open to the exact timeframe I'll experience a full shift, and if it happens around December here based on your reading, I'll embrace it. That said, I have a feeling if I put genuine work and thought into my journey, consider the notes and advice you gave me, I can accomplish it much sooner. No matter what, I just have a gut feeling it WILL finally be this year so long as I stick with this mindset I have. My experiences and near full shift have proven to me this is an experience I can have. Also, I will look into chakra cleansing meditation! While I don't personally feel drawn to full on chakra work, certain meditations have served me well before and it would be good to, again, let negative things out and new energy in.

Thank you, Abyss. This means a lot to me. Take care!

OF COURSE OMG!! I LOVE U SO MUCH AND YOUVE COME SO FAR!!! YOURE GONNA REACH THE SHIFT N UR GONNA DO IT!!

PERSIST PERSIST PERSIST!! ITS GONNA HAPPEN!! IM SO EXCITED!!

#abyss .reviews #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting #reality shift #desired reality #shifting community #black shifters #shifting motivation #shifting realities

[hezuart]

I will start this by saying I do think Vivziepop is a good creator.

But

Reading about the production of HH and Helluva Boss worries me. In Twitter, Vivziepop is alway talking about how she is tired and overworked, because she has to work on two shows at the same time.

While I do feel bad for her, I am also thinking, “why is she trying to do it all at once?” Like, if Hazbin Hotel is already a huge project to manage, why is she trying to do it while completing a completely different spinoff?

I get the feeling that this might be one of the reasons the world building in Helluva Boss is so weird. Maybe she is rushing writing each script of each episode? I don’t know if that might be true.

If it is true, it is strange she is organizing it this way. Like, she doesn’t have to produce it all at once. She is literally her own boss.

I don’t know. What do you think?

Yes, I've mentioned this before I believe. I'd be foolish to say I don't understand the struggle, the compulsion to jump from project to project and multi-task. I do that myself.

But that isn't something you can do in a corporate setting. She is 100% overworking herself and burning out. Her tweets have concerned me, and so many others.

It wasn't even just Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss. She made that Addicted music video, and a pilot episode for Zootopia, and back then also made that Holidaze short. If she had focused on just making shorts, that would be one thing, but the fact that she has to commit to not only one show, but two, is also just not possible. It's too much to keep consistent or even separate sometimes, especially for someone who is not used to that kind of work schedule. She even does all-nighters. It's not healthy.

She might not be the boss for Hazbin Hotel in its entirety, because she sold the rights to A24, but for Helluva Boss then yes.

However, I personally don't think she rushed the Circus episode because she made this tweet a month after the release:

"I'm proud to be making shows that come directly from and deeply involve a queer perspective. It's not always a norm but it's happening more and more! The shows are for everyone, but they are rooted in what we want to see and tell!"

Instead of the show's original premise of being a dark comedy featuring Blitzo's crew in Hell and how despite being bad people, still have intriguing relationships with reason, she decided to flatten and focus on the side character Stolas for the sake of turning him into a pure-hearted baby boy who was a closeted gay that suffered for years against an evil straight woman he was forced to marry.

and that is apparently something she wanted to tell, since she wrote that episode herself. It makes it seem like she's proud to tell this "queer story" in, unfortunately, a very very poor way.

Would not be surprised if some episodes were indeed rushed, but the Circus has layers to its writing and implications. Unfortunately, Helluva Boss has lost sight of what it wants to be. I wonder if it ever knew what it wanted to be. It's gone from dark comedy to romantic drama. Helluva Boss can't write funny dark comedy. Most of the punch lines are sex jokes, swearing, and screaming. It's gotten pretty old and repetitive. Fandoms are more drawn towards romantic drama, so it feels like they attempted to merge or switch the genres to cater to fans, but they fell flat. It's ironic, because, the skimmed-down romantic drama was doing just fine until the Circus episode, where they doubled down and took it the opposite direction of where it was initially heading.

But I digress. Viv has some great ideas but needs help to implement them since she's not always the best at making those ideas work for the better. She's overworking herself through her multi-tasking and burning out, and through it all, her fellow employees are suffering for it. I hope she has learned from this experience and will know to try and focus on one show at a time from now on, or just stick to shorts to make things easier for herself.

#vivziepop #ask #text post #i love that queer characters are in hazbin hotel and helluva boss #but charlie and vaggie are already girlfriends we don't get to see how that relationship came to be #its offscreen unless we get a flashback episode #and stolas as a queer guy who didn't realize he was gay until late in his marriage #who now has to deal with the fallout from his wife and daughter AND his love interest #is a really great queer story to tell that is very relatable #for him to know he was gay and fantasized about a childhood friend of his that doesn't love him back #thats harsh and kind of confusing and convoluted #and ironically the straight pairing moxie and millie are the flattest most boring relationship in the show #the villains of this show are more interesting than the main characters! #thats a problem!! #but yeah viv gurl i critique you and your shows a lot #just pls remember this stress and dont repeat the same mistake of taking on so many things at once #because u are a fellow creator and you still need to take care of yourself #maybe helluva boss wouldnt have been so messy if you could focus more energy on it #one thing at a time

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

#kenma #kenma fic #kenma fluff #kenma gamer #haikyuu fic #haikyuu x reader #kenma x reader #haikyuu fluff #harry styles golden lyric AHHHH

[starstruckskies]

23/04/22

Hello hello! I haven't checked in for a while, but that's because I've been quite busy. Last I checked in with you, I was getting ready for my sail training up north. Well, I did my sail training earlier this week, and it was awesome!

Since then, I've done a bit of exploring before coming home. The museum up there is great! But I'm glad to be back. I've really missed everybody here while I was gone (especially my cats!)

I've tried my best to be productive since I got home, but its only been a day so I've mostly just played D&D. So much D&D. Three separate campaigns in two days, two of which I was DMing! It's great, but also quite tiring.

(i love those dice though man, I want them)

As for today, my plan is to get some college work done. I have a bit of a backlog to catch up on from my jaunt up north, so that's todays task. Its still pretty early morning, so I hope I can stick to that.

Question(s) of the day

April 16th - do you use a tote bag or a simple backpack?

I actually use a messenger bag! Mine is a black canvas one with a LOT of pockets, and I've used it for a few years now. It's very comfy, and does what I need it to do very well.

April 17th - do you celebrate Easter, Ramadan or any religious holiday this month?

Somewhat, yeah! Ostara is this month, as is Easter. Easter though, I'm not gonna lie, a big piece of the appeal is the half-price chocolate the week after...

April 18th - take it easy today. what’s your way of connecting with your soul?

Hmm. I definitely need to more, honestly, but the way I connect with myself varies. I have a lot of different ways of doing things, but my current favourite is journalling of a sort. I find it quite peaceful to be able to look back and see a snapshot of my past self, there on the page or the screen.

April 19th - do you feel steady and ready right now? vent, if you’d like.

Somewhat. I'm a little fragile, but I think I'm doing good otherwise. Hopefully I'll feel better as the day goes on.

April 20th - do you do rest days?

Yep! Sunday is my self-designated 'I don't have to do anything' day, mainly because the library is closed on Sundays. I sometimes do things on Sunday too though, just depends on how I feel.

April 21st - evening in the garage or morning in the park?

Mornings in the park! I used to wake up super early with my brother in the summer and go for a long walk to watch the sunrise. There was this one bench we always sat on that had a clear view out to the ocean... Anyways. Parks are nice!

April 22nd - what’s your current/future major?

Hmm. Great question. I'm still not super sure. I think maybe mental health nursing? It's one I've felt drawn to. I've considered a lot of options, though.

April 23rd - organise or improvise?

I try to be organised, but lets face it, I don't really succeed most of the time! I tend to be a weird mixture of both. I'll make a plan, but keep it vague so I can change it up as I go.

#carelessproductivity #starstruckstudies

[chicoriii]

Season 4, Episode 24 - Penalteam

Thankfully I managed to see Penalteam today and I was shocked that this time there was no problem with subtitle synchronisation, I didn't have to shift times even once. :) It should not be a long post again, because there are not many things to comment really.

The thing that payed my attention the most in Penalteam was its animation. It looks like an episode animated by SAMG, there're only few done by that studio for season 4 and I'm 99,9% sure this one is one of them. It's definitely the best looking episode of this season and one of the best in history of this show. The animation is very dynamic (no wonder since it's sport-themed episode), colors are so vivid and beautiful. The effect is even stronger to me since I've just seen Qilin yesterday that looks horrible in comparison, especially colors are so bland.

There's one more reason why I enjoyed the animation the most in this episode, its main theme is not my thing at all. Literally almost the whole episode was a football match and I dislike it. I'm even sick of it, since it's the most popular sport in many countries, including Poland, it's discussed everywhere, especially during the biggest events. That's the only sport which is constantly extremely popular in my country, no matter how good Polish national team, that's not very successful since... I know? 40 years? Or more? I know we have Robert Lewandowski and few other great players, but the team doesn't belong to the greatest in the world or Europe since decades, from what I've heard Polish football clubs are also very weak compared to the best ones in the world. Personally I can't stand watching one full football match, it always bores me too much, so I could not find this episode interesting as well. So this is why I don't know how to comment plot of this episode since it was mostly a football match. Great animated, but it's just a match of a sport I don't enjoy.

I also noticed that hand-drawn artworks are definitely made in the artstyle referring to Captain Tsubasa, though I don't remember if I've seen a single episode of it (and of course I haven't read the manga). But since it's one of the first anime that has been ever aired in Poland in 90s, it's a iconic series in my country and I've seen people mentioning it so many times. It's possible I've seen some of it, as I was born in early 90s, but I really don't remember. Though I remember seeing my two older sisters watching Sailor Moon in 90s (also one of the first aired and one of the most popular ever anime in Poland) when I was very little, too little to enjoy it myself.

As I mentioned, I've seen the end card when looking for the episode, so I knew it features all the heroes minus Bunnix and Rena. I wasn't totally surprised, as I've heard that all the remaining superhereos are going to debut this season except for Bunnix months ago, but I thought it was just a rumour, since I didn't believe there are enough episodes to show them all. I never expected they would introduce four new heroes in one episode. That's terrible decision in my opinion. That's extremely for these characters that their introduction was so rushed, there was no time to show their superpowers properly, not even transformation sequences. Everything was too chaotic and happened way too fast to enjoy it. They all deserve their own episodes like other characters, especially Sabrina. I always thought that she should get the dog Miraculous in a episode about her in which she will start distant from Chloé. Someone from writing team has promised in an interview before S4 started airing that Sabrina and Chloé's toxic behavior is going to be addressed in the show, so a such episode should be created. I'm especially angry because of the dog, I was curious of the power of this Miraculous along with the tiger the most. Also Barkk is one of my favourite Kwami, I wanted to see her first interaction with Sabrina showed in a proper way and more screentime with her. They ruined introduction of four heroes, it's another big thing they handled terribly in season 4. I don't think these heroes are going to get more attention in season 5, seeing that Ryuuko hasn't gotten even her full transformation sequence. This season heroes introduced in seasons 2 and 3 are more in the background, except for Rena and Viperion.

I have no idea how it could be possible that Adrien knows nothing about football. Is there a country in Europe in which it is a not very popular sport? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure football is a big thing in France as well. Being sheltered and homeschooled for the most the life is not a reason to know anything about thing as much well-known around the world. That's impossible. Adrien wasn't kept in the cellar without access to the TV or the internet. Sports like rugby or baseball aren't popular in my country, but I know something about them thanks to American movies. And hey, I just remembered something. Weren't Ladybug and Chat Noir playing football using Miracle Box as a ball in Furious Fu and wasn't Chat score a goal? So that thing was not only stupid but also inconsistent with thing that happened before. All the more, there's no way Adrien could not know the most basic rules of this sport.

Another Chloé's akumatised form, really? But maybe she is not going to be willing akumatised anymore, because it seems she's starting seeing power gotten from Shadow Moth's as weak and useless.

And finally Lila has gotten a speaking role this season! Almost the whole season of silence and suddenly they remembered that she is supposed to be a bad girl who is plotting against Marinette all the time. In S3 it's been shown that Lila is doing her evil things throughout the whole season, in this one she has been completely ignored when she was useless for the plot. I hated that, especially that at the end of S3 she made a deal with Adrien that hasn't been mentioned even once after Ladybug episode. But of course since Marinette wasn't directly involved in that, it wasn't that much important to show consequences of it. :/ I hope this time Lila and Chloé will make a deal that will go somewhere and she will be active again finally. I miss Lila's evildoing, really.

------------

Something not related to the episode, but I can't help myself. Today I saw Polish premiere dates of the second half of season 4 that's going to start at the end of this month and I noticed that Hack-san will be aired on the 1st of April. There could not be a better day for the premiere for that episode, since Hack-san is the biggest joke in the history of this show. It's just a shame that totally unfunny. Good job, Disney Channel Polska. ;)

#miraculous ladybug #ml penalteam #ml season 4 #ml spoilers #ml spoiler #ml season 4 spoilers #chicoriii about S4 episodes #chicoriii #original post

[quirkdotcom]

The Arrangement //

Shoto Todoroki x Fem! Reader

Part One: The Mall Incident

Part Two

Summary: Your father is a particularly strong pro hero, and owns his own agency, however, he seemingly has picked an opportunity for you to be the tie between his agency, and pro hero Endeavor's agency.

Authors Note:

One; I'm planning this to be a three part fic, my next update hopefully on Friday May 15th ! Let me know if you'd like to be on this specific taglist, or even a taglist for anything I post !

Two; I wanted to have a little fun in this, so I added in an OC of mine! I made the reader attend an unnamed school, where her friends wouldn't be main characters from MHA, and decided to throw in Maiko (my OC) anyways, I hope you enjoy !

"A student from UA? Is father okay? I thought he hated that school?" You had to stop yourself, had you really heard your mother right?

She sighed heavily, shaking her head slightly, "He does, however, your father is willing to look past the fact as long as everything goes according to plan" 

This time, it was your turn to sigh.

This 'plan' was one of you meeting some student, your parents meeting, and at the end of the day, agreeing to a marriage after graduation.

You knew that you really had no choice in the matter, which is why you had never put up a fight about it, but it didn't mean that you were particularly happy about it.

Quietly, you stood up, excusing yourself from the table and your mother, leaving the dainty tea cup where it sat.

"Well, since the meeting with this student will be this weekend, I'm going to go out and buy an outfit for it." You bowed your head slightly before turning and leaving the room.

Now out of sight of your mother, you stretched, stifling a yawn as you made your way to your room, grabbing your phone from your pocket, sending a quick message to your closest friend, asking if she'd accompany you to the mall.

The two of you attended a private academy focused on teaching it's students to not only strengthen their quirks, or accelerate their academics, but also in etiquette and manners. Everything was about being proper and elite.

It was the very same school that your father had transferred to after his time at UA.

You personally didn't quite like it there, at times some students tried to pick on you, or the teachers would reprimand you for even the slightest mistake.

But, just like the marriage arrangement, you had no choice in what school you attended, your father was hellbent on you following his steps, and staying the hell away from UA.

Regardless, you had eventually made some friends, and for the first few years, you scored in the top of your class.

"Oh, (Y/n) while you're out, would you mind picking up a few things for me?" Your mother's voice rang out from behind your door, breaking your train of thoughts.

"Just make me a list, and leave it on the counter!" 

It didn't take long for you to change out of your uniform and into something comfier, or for you to grab your messenger style purse, or to find the list from your mother. With your father gone, there were no distractions or unnecessary lectures.

What took the most time was getting to the mall. You could have driven, but it was nice out, the sky was clear of clouds, and there was a light breeze that flowed through the leaves in the trees.

So, you took to walking. Though, when you got to the mall, your best friend was standing with her arms crossed and a bored look on her face.

"(Y/N)! There you are! I've been waiting for hours!" She gave a dramatic sigh as you walked over.

"Calm down Maiko ! " you chuckled, she was almost always over dramatic, something that had drawn you to her in the first place.

She gave you a playful wink, and nodded her head to the doors, starting to walk inside, "Whatever, we both know that I can't calm down," she paused, giving small jazz hands, "I've got constant anxiety" 

"Ah, the curse of having a third eye quirk," You followed behind, then moved to the side of her. 

"Oh! What's the occasion for today's trip?" Maiko tucked a piece of light brown hair behind her ear, eyeing you as she waited for a response.

You hesitated, she still didn't know about the whole arranged marriage, and it had been about a month since you had found out.

"Oh...my family and I are meeting another family for some business thing, so I needed to get a new outfit in case they have a son or daughter our age, " You spouted off a lie, knowing that she'd fall for it, only because she trusted you.

"Ooooh another potential merger for your dad's hero agency?" 

You nodded, pausing as your stomach gave a quiet rumble. 

Despite the lunch you were having with your mother earlier, you didn't really eat. 

"Hey, let's get something to eat first," You point to the nearest food outlet.

Before you know it, Maiko and you are each tossing fries to the other, both failing to catch most in your mouth, but you are having a good time regardless.

Once out of fries, you and her are left with your milkshakes, hers chocolate, and your's strawberry. Something kind of impulsive as you haven't had one strawberry flavored in a few years.

"Hey, I think we could probably take these with us to go look for an outfit," Maiko picks hers up, already a third of it gone.

With a nod, you stand up, grabbing your shake and bag, waiting for Maiko before heading off to your favorite store.

"Hey what about this?" She held up a pleated, light blue skirt, it would stop just above your knees, and complimented you very well, "It even has real pockets!"

"And I could wear it with this shirt...and maybe the jean jacket we found earlier?" You smiled happily, holding up a plain white t-shirt, a small v neck cut, nothing too extreme but not too plain.

Your friend placed the skirt into your basket, and you followed suit with the shirt. All that was needed now, would be to grab the jean jacket from earlier.

However, as you turned, you ran into a...hard surface and along with you, came your half finished milkshake.

You stumbled back, eyes wide as you realized what had just happened.

"Oh my gosh, I am so-"

But the male cut you off, his voice monotone as he did, "Save it, just move out of the way, I need to clean my shirt," 

You quietly moved to the side, watching as the moody stranger walked away, leaving you and Maiko to recover.

He had red hair...well only half of his hair was red, and the other half was white, leaving you to wonder how much hair dye it had taken to get it to look so perfect. 

"Well...I wish I could've helped you see that coming...but uh..I got the jacket?" She smiled sheepishly, causing you to let out a nervous laugh, releasing the tension you didn't know you had.

"Okay, cmon lets go pay!" You turned, still reeling from the encounter with that guy..but hey, at least you wouldn't be seeing him again! 

So, with that thought in mind, Maiko and yourself brought your chosen outfit to the front counters, paid and left the store.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" You turned to Maiko after some five minutes, a thought in the back of your mind, nagging at you since you had left the house to meet her. 

"I don't think so! Why, is your mom cooking tonight? Anything she makes is always better than your dads...or yours," she poked her tongue out at you.

"Wha?! Hey! Im not that bad of a cook!" You pouted and crossed your arms, turning away from her, "Well I did have something to tell you but now its not happening," 

She immediately moved in front of you, "Wait no! Your cooking is good! Just tell me the news!" 

"It'll have to wait for my house, it's kind of big news…"

And with that, the two of you set off for your house, Maiko calling her mom and letting her know where she'd be for the night. 

The walk was spent talking about anything and everything, and at one point Maiko tripping and you having to catch her, but hey, that's what friends are for. 

As you approached your house, you spotted your fathers car in the driveway, causing you to screw your face up in dread. 

Hopefully he didn't have a lecture for you, especially if Maiko was here. You had always hated how he seemed to pick on you whenever your friends were over.

And much to your dismay, when you walked inside he met you with a sour look, "(Y/n), where have you been? Don't forget about this weekend's meeting, not to mention the exams coming up," 

You bit back a response about how the exams were two months away, and instead just nodded your head, busying yourself with slipping your shoes off, "I was buying a new outfit for our meeting. I told mother before I left."

He paused, now eyeing you and Maiko, "And came home with...Fujino was it?" 

She nodded, even though she practically lived at your house for a week at a time due to the amount of sleep overs you had, your father had barely bothered to remember her name. 

"Im sorry for not telling you ahead of time, Sir." She bowed her head slightly, only really apologizing because she knew that if she didn't, it would come down on you. 

"Make your way to (Y/n)'s room, I still need to have a few words with her," he commanded, waiting for her to go up the stairs before he continued.

"And (Y/n), do not forget how important this marriage arrangement is. The Todoroki family is powerful, Endeavor is rising in his ranks as a hero, and his son will follow suit. You have to make sure that you are seen as exemplary, no mistakes can be made. Do you understand?" 

You paused, heart hanging heavy, "Yes father…" 

Once he let you go, you made your way to the top of the stairs, seeing that Maiko was waiting for you, a worried look in her eyes, "So...a marriage proposal?" 

"Welcome to the news I had for you…" 

You two moved into your room, the bag of clothes dropped onto the floor, and you climbed onto your bed, grabbing an orange bunny plush, hugging it to your chest.

"Okay so I wanted to tell you about the arrangement but...I dunno, its hard. I'm having my choice taken away from me and for what? So my father and this other hero to have a more powerful agency?" 

"(Y/n)...im so sorry that you've been going through this alone. I'm here for you, whatever you need!" She moved to a swinging chair you had, sitting in it carefully as she thought for a moment, "So, you've never met this guy or his family?" 

"At most I know his family name. But Im too busy focusing on school work to pay attention to how his father is "So high up the ranks" or whatever. Its like my father thinks that this 'Endeavor' guy is the number two pro hero or something…" You puffed out a breath of air, pursing your lips as you thought quietly. 

Maiko stared at you for a few minutes, blinking a few times as she tried to break the news to you. 

"Uhh..Endeavor...as in Enji Todoroki?" 

You looked up, nodding quietly at her puzzled look. 

"(Y/n) he is the number two hero...or wait..if All Might retired a few years back... then number one actually!" She hummed as she herself started to think but eventually shook her head, eyes widening. 

Maiko quickly pulled out her phone, typing hurriedly into it and gasping, "(Y/n) wait! His son goes to UA! His son is reportedly one of the Big Three of his class!" She stopped, scrolling, "uh oh…" 

At this, you scrambled from your spot to her, pulling the phone from her hand to look at what the cause of this 'uh oh' was. 

It was a picture.  A picture of Endeavour's son. He had red and white hair, and a glare so deadly it probably would kill someone on sight. 

But what got you more was the fact that this was the guy from the mall earlier.  You had totally spilled a strawberry shake all over the number one hero's son, and the guy who you would be marrying after graduation. 

"This is...this is fucked. Im so screwed! Not only did I embarrass myself but now I've probably made it seem like im a clumsy girl who likes to shop all the time and now this...Todoroki guy is going to tell his father about me and then it'll ruin the arrangement and my father will kill me." You spouted off more worries until Maiko grabbed your shoulders, shaking you lightly.

"Hey! We aren't planning your funeral yet! Maybe we can meet up with him before you have to meet with his dad! I think I know one of the students at UA!" 

You looked to her, your breathing returning to normal as you nodded along, maybe that could work after all.

"Okay so, we ask whoever you know to get his number and text him about how it was me who spilled the drink and I wanted to apologize...and that Im also the girl he's meeting this weekend!" 

Maiko punched her fist into the palm of her hand, "Okay, lets set this plan into action! I'll text Kirishima!" 

You eyed her, realizing that you had never questioned how she knew anyone at UA, "While you do that, mind explaining to me about whoever this Kirishima is?" 

She only smiled for a moment, putting her phone down after sending him a message about Todoroki, "Oh! He and I work in the same coffee shop! Not everyone is super rich you know, but he's pretty nice guy, kinda cute too. But, you know how my mom is. Im surprised that she let me be friends with you, I swear, she's scared of anyone!" 

You gave a 'Mhhm' to her, knowing full and well that this was the coworker who she tended to talk about but never named, knowing that you'd probably show up to her work to try and get more information.  But hey, you'd leave it at that for now. 

"Well...I guess that now we wait for Kirishima to hopefully send us Todoroki's number?' 

"Now we wait! And with our good luck, by Wednesday we can smoothen out what happened at the mall…" 

You nodded once, as much as this plan seemed rickety, you were willing to take the chance. While you hated the idea of a marriage to whoever this young hero may be, you know that if you messed it up, your father would never let you live it down. 

#The Arrangement #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x reader #my hero academia x reader #mha todoroki #bnha todoroki #bnha shoto todoroki #mha shoto todoroki #mha shoto x reader #Todoroki shoto #x reader #mha #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #mha x reader #shoto Todoroki fic #mha fic #bnha fic

[jadelotusflower]

June 2021 Roundup

It's been a month of highs and lows. Every year my city holds a cabaret festival, and I've seen some truly amazing acts over the years - including Lea Salonga, Kristin Chenoweth, and Indina Menzel. This year's Artistic Director was the great Alan Cumming, and although due to covid he didn't quite get to curate the program he wanted to, the opening night Gala was still a highlight, as was Alan's DJ set at the pop-up Club Cumming afterwards, where there was much singing at the top of my lungs and dancing to pop anthems and theatre tunes. At one point Alan, dressed in a onesie and perched on the shoulders of a man wearing only sparkly short shorts, was carried around the dance floor while Circle of Life blared. Reader, I was delighted.

I was also able to see his solo show Alan Cumming Is Not Acting His Age, which was hilarious and damn, he can sing!

As for the low, I was meant to fly to Sydney for the weekend to see Hamilton, a trip I have been looking forward to for almost a year, but had to be cancelled because of a covid outbreak and border closures. The tickets have been rescheduled, but I'm still kind of bummed about it (while completely appreciating the need for covid safety, especially when our vaccine rollout has been completely botched by our incompetent, corrupt federal government)

Anyway.

Reading

The Hundred and One Dalmations (Dodie Smith) - With all the bewilderment over Disney's Cruella, I decided to revisit the original novel which I first read as a kid. It's funny, I had very vivid memories of this book, or rather thought I did, particularly the scene where Roger and Anita have dinner at Cruella's house that fixed in my young mind as utterly disturbing with all this devil imagery and the implication Cruella was literally some kind of demon, which must have been either a) my overactive imagination or b) an illustration, because it's not as clear as I thought it was. The strangeness is there (food with too much pepper, Cruella's inability to keep warm, the walls painted blood red) but not the explicit demon imagery I had remembered. There is a part later in the book recounting the history of Hell Hall and the rumors of Cruella's ancestor streaking out of the place conjuring blue lightening, but clearly child me was reading far more into the book than was on the page.

But I still wish they'd gone with this version of Cruella's backstory, because to me an aristocratic, ink-drinking, heat-obsessed, possibly-demon spawn, high camp villain is more interesting and rings far more true than plucky punk against the establishment.

Smith clearly had Facts About Dalmations to share, and she does really craft a wonderful animal-based story that the Disney animated film is largely faithful to. Key differences include: Roger's occupation (he doesn't have to pay tax because he wiped out government debt somehow?!?), Pongo's mate and the puppy's mother is called Missis, Perdita is another dalmation who acts as a kind of doggie wet nurse, Roger and Anita both have Nannies who come to live with them (Nanny Butler and Nanny Cook), Cruella is married to a furrier (who changed his last name to de Vil). Also odd, on her first description Cruella is described as having "dark skin" but later in the novel her "white face" is mentioned, so I'm chalking it up to 50's descriptors not having the same meanings they do today.

The Duke and I (Julia Quinn) - After being just whelmed by the tv series, I wasn't really planning on reading the books, but I saw this on the top picks shelf at the library and damn, the top picks shelf is irresistible. This is very much Daphne's book (and I had known each in the series dealt with the different sibling) so many of the characters and much of the plot of the show is absent, as are some of the more baffling elements of the show like the Diamond of the First Water nonsense, which I always thought was a strange character choice in that it stacks the deck for Daphne when her character arc is better served as somewhat of an underdog (in her third season, the kind of girl who is liked but not adored), and the Prince subplot which was always far too OTT even for soapy regency romance.

It's a breezy, fun read (that scene excepted), even if the misunderstandings are contrived and I'm never going to take "I'll never have kids because I hate my dad" as a credible romantic obstacle deserving of so much angst.

Faeries (Brian Froud and Alan Lee) - A lovingly detailed and illustrated compendium of Faerie and its inhabitants, drawing from a range of European (but primarily Celtic) folklore and mythology. Froud was a conceptual designer on The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, and the link is clear in the art as well as the focus on faeries as mysterious but oftimes sinister beings, where human encounters with them rarely end well. Lee has illustrated several publications of Tolkien's novels, and was a lead concept artists for Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies, and there is a touch of Middle Earth here as well, or rather the common inspiration of the old world. A useful resource for my novel!

Watching

The Handmaid's Tale (season 4, episodes 4-8) SPOILERS - So when I last wrote about this show in the Roundup, I was complaining it wasn't going anywhere. Well, I'm happy to be wrong because they finally changed things up with June finally escaping to Canada. That part of the plot following the survivors and their trauma has always been far more compelling than Gilead, and so it was a welcome development even if I side-eye some of the choices (none of these characters is seeing an actual licensed therapist why?).

This show has always been difficult to watch given the subject matter, and that has not changed after the shift in power dynamics. I will give the show credit for showing a broad range of trauma responses, from Moira wanting to move on and not let it consume her, to June, a ball of rage and revenge on a downward spiral, to Emily, trying to follow Moira's path but being drawn to June's, to Luke, trying his best but utterly unequipped to deal with what is happening.

But it is very hard to watch June go down this path - raping her husband (I concede the show perhaps didn't intend for it to be rape, but that's what is on screen and framing it as just "taking away Luke's agency" doesn't change that), wishing death on Serena's unborn child, and orchestrating Fred's brutal murder by particulation, then holding her own daughter still covered in his blood and it getting smeared on Nicole's face (an unsubtle metaphor in a series full of unsubtle metaphors).

There are interesting questions being asked of the viewer, and the show (perhaps rightly) not giving any answers. I can certainly appreciate the catharsis of Fred getting what he deserves even if I personally find the manner of it horrifying, but where is the line between justice and revenge, is revenge the only option when justice is denied, when does a trauma release become cyclical violence/abuse - the show is, for now, letting the viewer decide.

Soul (dir. Pete Docter and Kemp Powers) - In a world full of remakes/reboots/sequels, Pixar is perhaps the lone segment under the Disney umbrella committed to original content. However, there does seem to be a Pixar formula at work directed to precision tugging the heart strings, and some of the film feels like well-trod ground. On the other hand, it's hard to criticise the risk of centering a kids film around the existential crisis of a middle aged man, even with the requisite cutesy elements (and of course, the uncomfortable pattern of yet another film where the black lead character spends a great deal of the runtime in non-human form - herein, an amorphous blob or a cat). But the animation is stunning, it successfully did tug my heart strings, and the design of the Great Before and the Jerrys is original and fun.

RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under - Drag Race is somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me, since I generally don't watch reality shows, and this is something I really enjoy even if I'm not invested in the fandom (which like many fandoms can be very yikes). This year it was time for the Australian/New Zealand (Aotearoa) queens to show their stuff, although it's been met with mixed reactions. Covid restrictions didn't allow for guest judges, relegating them to mere cameos via video calls, and its clear that Ru and Michelle really don't quite get all the cultural nuances - Aussie judge Rhys Nicholson was however always delightful. But it wouldn't be Australia without a racism scandal, with the great disappointment of the two queens of colour eliminated first, and one queen having done blackface in the recent past yet making it all the way to the top four.

In the end, the only viable and deserving winner was last Kiwi standing Kita Mean, and it was pure joy to see her get crowned. I do hope they fix the bugs and indeed do another season to better showcase AU/NZ talent.

Writing

A far more productive month - to try and get out of my writing funk I had a goal to try and write every day, even if it was only 100 words. While I didn't quite achieve a consecutive month, I did get a pretty good average, at least got something posted and two others nearly there.

The Lady of the Lake - 2441 words, Chapter 4 posted.

Against the Dying of the Light - 2745 words

Turn Your Face to the Sun - 1752 words.

Here I Go Again - 1144 words

Total words this month: 8082

Total words this year: 35,551

#personal #long post #roundup #june roundup #reading watching writing #here's to the second half of the year #I really want to get to at least 100k written #so we'll see

[shimmeringclouds]

♔ | 𝐈𝐕

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Chorosuke had long since given up on trying to kick the two out, seeing as they had absolutely no intention of moving. Instead, he hesitantly sat himself down amongst you all, eating with a sour frown on his face directed towards Ozo, who either didn't notice or didn't care.

"So, why Akashika?" Ozo asked suddenly after a few moments. You stifled a laugh at the crumbs scattering his cheeks, taking a sip of water to stall for time, noticing how all eyes were now on you.

"Well," you started, pushing your food around lightly with your chopstick, "I just wanted to go on a holiday for a little while. Akashika seemed like the best place." You shrugged nonchalantly, going back to eating your food.

"Akashika? Really?" Ozo drawled, raising a brow.

"Is.. Is there something wrong with that?" you asked nervously.

"Not really," Chorosuke replied, a thoughtful look on his face. "It's just that, since Akashika District is a small village in the countryside, not many people know that this place even exists. We rarely ever get visitors, other than those who already have a direct connection to this place."

You hummed. That did make sense, in a way.

"How did you find out about this place, anyway?" Ozo pushed, resting his chin on his palm.

"I came across an article online about Akatsuka Village," You paused, thinking about the contents of the article with a slight smile. "It was talking about a bunch of mysteries this place has, and after a bit of digging around, I found that this area of Japan was quiet and unknown, which was convenient for me."

"'Mysteries,' you say..." Chorosuke groaned.

"'Convenient?'" Ozo asked.

"Karamatsu-niisan must've wrote that article!" Jyushimatsu chimed in.

"Karatsugu." Chorosuke iterated.

Your mind raced to come up with an answer to Ozo, leaning away from him as he came closer, waiting for you to say something.

"Uh, 'convenient' as in..." you cleared your throat, "..I-I've never been to the countryside before. I've always lived in the city, so I wanted to start somewhere that wasn't overwhelmed by tourists and such." You ended with a nervous chuckle, which quickly died down under Ozo's unreadable stare. Should.. Should you say something? Did he even listen to what you said? Why was he looking at you like that? Your cheeks turned pink the longer he held your gaze.

"Ozo," Chorosuke kicked him from under the table, a 'huff' leaving said man's lips. "Stop being creepy. Ignore him, [Y/N]."

"Yeah, yeah..." Ozo muttered something under his breath, which you couldn't quite hear, but it didn't seem to matter as his grin came back onto his face.

"How long are you staying for, [Y/N]-chan?" Jyushimatsu suddenly spoke from beside you, making you squeak. You did your best to ignore the chuckles from Ozo and Dayoko, although the flush on your cheeks only darkened in embarrassment.

"T-Two months."

"Aw, that's it?" Ozo whined. "Well hopefully by the end of it, you'll want to stay for longer!" He winked your way. You glanced away, taking larger sips of water to distract yourself. With that, everyone focused back on their food, finishing the last bits from their bowls. It was mostly silent, save for the clinking of utensils and the gentle song of birds from outside, adding a sort of serenity to the air. It was comforting, an atmosphere you very much appreciated. It was a far cry from what you were used to.

Eventually, you all let out a hum of satisfaction, praising Dayoko for the fulfilling meal. Ozo and Jyushimatsu lay comfortably on the floor, spreading out their limbs as they shut their eyes, large sleepy grins on their faces. You smiled softly at their antics. With the way they acted, you would have thought they were brothers. You didn't want to jump straight to conclusion, though. You'd probably make things awkward if you said something like that.

Dayoko stood up and began gathering everyone's dishes. You attempted to get up and help, feeling bad about her doing all the work, but she waved you off with a smile. Chorosuke placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, gaining your attention.

"[Y/N], why you don't you head on upstairs, instead?" He offered with a smile. "I've had a bath drawn for you. I'm sure it will help you relax before heading off to bed. You've had a long day, after all."

"Can we have one too?" Ozo perked his head up, eyes hopefully.

"No." Chorosuke shot sternly, glaring at the man as he let his head fall back to the floor with a grumble.

"Choromatsu-niisan's no fun..." Jyushimatsu's voice was muffled, his face pushed against the floor.

"Stop calling me that.." Chorosuke was exasperated by now, but he opted to ignore the both of them, turning back to you expectantly. You mulled over the offer. A soothing bath after a warm meal sounded very appealing to you, especially since your back did feel a little sore still after sitting on a rocky train for most of the day.

"That sounds lovely, actually. Thank you, Chorosuke," you smiled appreciatively, slowly picking yourself up from the floor.

"It's nothing. Our guests always receive the best of treatment here in the Midorito Estate," he stated proudly with a bow of his head. Ozo glared up at him from the floor.

"Careful. You're rising again, Chorofappysk-"

A pillow was thrown harshly onto his face, startling him as his head smacked onto the ground with a hollow 'thud.' You gasped, covering your mouth to hide the giddy smile from the others in the room. You felt bad that he got hurt, but you couldn't deny that their childish ways of bickering was starting to become comedic for you.

Dayoko re-entered the room before things could escalate, hooking her arm with yours.

"Ah, Dayoko!" Chorosuke's smile was thin and forced, his brow twitching dangerously as the pillow he threw hit against his side. "Could you please escort our guest to the washroom while I deal with those?"

Dayoko looked unimpressed, not even replying to her brother as she tugged you out of the room, closing the door behind her without so much as a second glance. As soon as it slid shut, loud voices erupted as an argument broke out. You managed to pick out a few insults that were so ridiculous, you couldn't help but splutter a laugh. You tried to cover your mouth to stop them leaving your mouth, but eventually, you couldn't hold it in any longer.

"S-Sorry..!" You apologised to Dayoko through your bouts of laughter, clutching at your stomach as you followed her on shaky legs down the hallways. She looked at you for a moment in surprise before joining in with a playful roll of her eyes. You both giggled and chuckled endlessly, almost completely breathless by the time you had made it to the washroom.

Slowly, you both regained your composure, wiping a couple of stray tears from the corners of your eyes. Dayoko sighed happily.

"Dayon! Dayon!"

'That's the most I've laughed in a while!'

You smiled brightly along with her. "Same here!"

Dayoko took your hand, opening the door to the washroom to reveal, yet another, large washroom. It was slightly steamy in the room, a low mist of wafting over the tiled flooring, which was emitting from a wide bathtub on the other side of the room. You glanced around with wide eyes. The mirrors were somehow clear of any fog, the small plants scattered around the room were perked up and lively, the towels looked so soft and fluffy, hell -- even the toilet seemed to sparkle in its environment.

The girl tugged on your hand, snapping you out of your daze. She wore an amused smile on her face, but didn't comment on your surprised look.

"Dayon, dayon..."

She began telling you where everything you needed would be, and that she would leave fresh set nightwear for you to put on once you were done. You thanked her profusely once more as she left you to your own devices, closing the door to give you privacy.

You looked around, somehow feeling unsure of where to even start.

'..That's stupid,' you thought to yourself with a shake of your head. You began stripping down, neatly placing your clothes in a basket nearby so they could be washed later. Then, you moved over to the bathtub, gingerly placing the tip of your toe into the water, delighted to find it just the right temperature.

You slid in, settling down comfortably with a long sigh of relief, feeling the tension in your muscles fading away. There was a faint aroma of lavender and peppermint in the air, and you took deep and steady breaths to help clear your mind for a moment. It was truly heavenly, sitting in the warm water with your eyes closed and body relaxed. You wished you could do something like this all the time, but of course your situation back home wouldn't allow any kind of relaxation for you...

Another sigh left you, heavy and full of built up emotions. You brought a damp hand up to your face, resting it against your forehead as you frowned sadly. Your chest felt tight for a moment as a memory flashed through your mind. Your ears rang with loud voices, yelling and screaming, a complete one-eighty from what you had just heard downstairs a few minutes ago. It made your head throb uncomfortably, and your eyes suddenly prickled with un-shed tears.

'No,' you thought immediately. You sat up and reached over to a shelf beside you, grabbing a bottle of shampoo that Dayoko had pointed out to you earlier. You squirted a handful of the liquid into your hand, the scent of cherries hitting your nose as you began lathering it into your hair, using the time to give yourself a brief massage over your scalp.

'I have two months to not think about that,' you reminded yourself, finally pushing away any other intruding thoughts from your mind as you busied yourself with washing up.

After a nice long while relaxing and cleansing yourself, you stumbled out of the bath, rubbing at your wet skin with a towel (which was just as fluffy as it looked). You looked over to the door, finding your nightwear and undergarments folded neatly on a small tabletop beside a pot of blooming Dahlias. You admired their vibrant layered petals for a moment before taking your clothes

You slipped on your oversized short sleeved shirt and shorts, perfect for the warm summer night, briefly ruffling your hair with the towel before exiting the washroom. Upon not seeing Dayoko nearby, you decided to make your own way to your bedroom, somewhat confident in being able to find it yourself.

It was clear to you, though, that after only a few turns, you found yourself lost.

"How can I get lost in a house?" you muttered with slight panic. You glanced behind you, turning around. "I'll just... head back to the washroom. She's probably there right now, waiting for me..."

You turned back down the corridor you were sure you had just come from, but... you couldn't' find it. You couldn't' find the washroom you had just been in two seconds ago. Worrying your lip between your teeth, you wondered if it would be childish to start calling out for her, or Chorosuke, to come and help you. Just as you were about to make a decision, a set of footsteps sounded behind you.

You breathed a sigh if relief, turning with a sheepish smile.

"Finished with your bath already? And here I was thinking I could jump in with you!"

You froze, cheeks ablaze for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. It was Ozo, not Chorosuke or Dayoko, wandering causally down the corridor towards you, a hand tucked into his trouser pocket. He kept walking until he stopped right in front of you, leaning against the wall.

" 'Sup?"

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#matsuno osomatsu #osomatsu san au #osomatsu x reader #denkimatsu #ozo akashika x reader #ozo akashika #chorosuke midorito #toshio ogami #jyushimatsu matsuno #romantic mystery au

[thisstableground]

Headcanons for kidsnavi and young nina? I've been reading lots of your fics and love their brother/sister dynamic!! (sorry if this has already been done before oops)

usnavi is probably around 16-17 months older than baby nina, and since his mother is best friends with camila and his father with kevin, it’s inevitable that she’s a big part of his life. 

 nina comes home from the hospital a fairly short time after her birth with her exhausted but delighted parents, healthy and quiet. usnavi, recently learned to run at high speeds before he’s even bothered attempting to walk, is hurtling happily around the rosarios’ living room while the adults talk about the new arrival, and is veering dangerously close with his drunken baby-running to tripping right into the carseat where nina is placidly observing the brand new world around her.  his mom says, “mind the baby, usnavi.”

“mind a bebé,” he says, and then noticing nina for the first time is so surprised he falls right off his feet, and scoots on his butt closer to the carseat to peek in cautiously. “oh! bebebé!” 

 he waves at her and says, “hi! hi!” she doesn’t wave back. she is, after all, less than a week old and so not particularly sociable yet, but she watches him with solemn fascination and if there’s one thing usnavi at this age loves, it’s having someone’s full and undivided attention on him. 

 he adores her immediately. he stops greeting camila and kevin at all, when they go round to visit, instead immediately demanding “my baby!” and trying to fling himself out of his mother’s arms to go hunting for nina if she isn’t in his line of sight. he does silly stompy dances in front of her to entertain her and when she is old enough to laugh usnavi is the first one to ever make her giggle. he chatters away to her in alternating spanish, english and baby-babble, but he’ll also sit as quietly and patiently as anyone has ever seen him when he’s holding her, his clumsy toddler hands careful when he’s feeding her her bottle, aggressively shushing anyone who talks when she’s asleep. 

 and nina, as a toddler when she develops awareness of these things, adores usnavi too. there is a period of a few years where she listens to absolutely everything he says and follows him everywhere she can, which is a source of terrible stress for everyone because usnavi is a sweet child but gets into a lot of mischief entirely by accident. but usnavi is basically her big brother, and so tiny nina wants to be just like him, and to learn everything from him.

 he teaches her the alphabet song and clapping games and all his favourite animal noises. when she gets shy in front of other people, it’s usnavi who she stands behind and hides her face in his shirt. its usnavi who she whispers to about all her deep and important four year old secrets. on her first day of kindergarten, they both walk to school together with their moms, and usnavi holds her hand and says, “its okay, don’t be scared.”

 nina learned to read at age three, long before she even started school. usnavi struggles far behind his grade on reading and writing, the gap only growing as he gets older, nina only overtaking further. at some point, it goes from her wanting to learn everything from him to him coming to her for academic advice, especially after he has a bad time in special education which makes him much less inclined to talk to adults about that kind of thing. sometimes he feels stupid next to her, but nina herself never treats him like he’s stupid and gets very heated when he implies that he is. 

 nina is a quiet, nervous, overly-mature for her age child, usnavi is loud and hyperactive and seems much younger than he is. when they get a little older, they start joking that even though she’s younger, usnavi is nina’s little brother. he makes her laugh and looks out for her and draws her out of being too self-serious so that she remembers to have fun. she gives him advice and listens to him patiently and encourages him to think a little more about things. 

 the one “fight” that nina ever gets into in elementary school is when someone trips usnavi on purpose in front of her at recess. she yells at the kid and pushes him over, which is so wildly uncharacteristic of her but she does it without even thinking about it then immediately has an entire panic attack because she’s going to be in So Much Trouble, but she also refuses to say sorry. of the several fights that usnavi gets into when he goes through a bit of a scrappy phase between age 6-8, three of them are in defense of nina. 

 usnavi, even when they’re into their teens, is the only boy that kevin allows to have sleepovers with nina. they’re just so clearly siblings that there’s never been any worry of anything untoward happening. there are many weekends that both of them stay at abuela’s and curl up in her bed with her, and spend all of saturday morning in their pajamas together, and go for walks holding one of abuela’s hands each. they make her shared hand-drawn birthday cards signed by both of them. 

 usnavi’s best friend is benny, of course. but in high school it’s nina that he goes to when he needs someone who will sit and listen quietly when he talks about how sometimes he feels like his head is just ready to explode with how much overthinking he’s doing and how he sometimes feels like his heart is trying to claw out of his chest with stress over the smallest things, and she nods and says “i understand” and he knows she does. 

 nina’s best friend is vanessa, of course. but out of her friends it’s usnavi who she first tells that she’s pansexual, and he nods and says “oh, that’s cool” and then hugs her when she bursts into relieved tears, and promises not to tell her parents or anyone else, not even benny, and even though he’s a blabbermouth about most things she knows he never, ever will, and when it’s just the two of them she talks to him about girls she likes and he never treats it like anything other than totally normal. ( he later turns out to be bi, which might explain it, but at the time they don’t know that, and either way it helps her immensely to know she’s still accepted)

neither of them, at any point in their relationships with each other’s respective best friends, feels the need to do an “if you hurt them” conversation. who would they trust more than each other?

 nina, even though her parents told her that she should go home and rest and they’d stay with usnavi, sits in the waiting room of the hospital for a full day until, several hours after his wife is already gone, mateo de la vega flatlines too, and she watches her dad catch usnavi when he collapses. she holds usnavi’s hand silently in the car the whole way home. 

 usnavi, the day before nina goes back to stanford to retake her failed first year, stands with her on her fire escape and says, “nina, you could come back next week and say you changed your mind again, or they kicked you out, or you forgot how to read, and i still ain’t ever gonna be disappointed in you.” she doesn’t need to ask how he knew exactly what she was thinking without her saying a word. 

 in short: they are Siblings who Love and Support Each Other unconditionally.

#in the heights #usnavi de la vega #nina rosario #fandom: in the heights #character: usnavi #character: nina

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

Can I ask a question? I have been wondering stuff about myself and in the panel where it says "before 'me' disappeared." it stuck out to me. I've never had a good grip on who I am and figured I had to build it. Idk hat that is. Nor do I expect you to answer that. My question is, could you explain it more?

Yes, absolutely, you’re totally welcome to ask! and idk how well I can explain it but I’ll do my best based on my current personal understanding and experience! obligatory disclaimer, many systems have unique experiences and it’s not always consistent or cut and dry from system to system, but if something about this does hit home I encourage you to look into researching it more as you feel comfortable! Also a heads up, I’m going to probably overexplain terms and concepts since I’m not sure what you do know, plus if someone else reading this isn’t familiar I figure that may help them too, so bear with me! ^^ (this got incredibly long and incredibly personal, I hope that’s ok! We’ve found hearing about personal experiences from others always helped give us a way to compare our experience better in ways that medical definitions don’t help with, so we got detailed in hopes it’ll be helpful to someone. heads up, there’s some references to feelings of unreality.)

Gonna try to put this under a cut since it got so long, let’s hope tumblr cooperates!

So admittedly, I was intrigued when you sent this line in, because while I’ve reread this comic a couple times before posting it, I didn’t remember writing a line exactly like that. As it turns out, the writing was meant to say “when ‘He’ disappeared” but it’s really oddly unclear whether it’s an H or an M at first glance compared to the rest of the script? If I’m honest I actually prefer your interpretation better, especially because the ambiguity lends more to the comic’s meaning in retrospect. I’m not gonna say something like ‘oh one of my alters must’ve done that on purpose’ because back then our handwriting was just an inconsistent mess in general and the most involvement we could probably credit to the alters was just one person tried to write that H in their handwriting when someone else was supposed to be writing it. But I thought that was an interesting case of serendipity so I couldn’t help pointing it out lmao 

 That said, I think your reading actually makes just as much sense in the context of the comic, and is a phenomenon I think I can readily explain that I have had a little experience with. Currently, my system setup is a little bit like an archeological dig. The alters that have surfaced the most, who have been the ones in charge of actions/words/emotional responses/etc, aka ‘fronted’, are all the ones who have formed in more recent years. The ones from years past are further back, and harder to access because we’ve developed a protective setup where the newer alters act as barricades to keep the older ones from being more exposed to trauma, or anything else they can’t handle. At its core, that’s what the function of a system is - to develop other alters who can handle situations more vulnerable parts can’t - but not all systems are built with an onion-layer setup like mine either, so just keep that in mind.

That said, since I’m built with an onion-layer setup, that means most of my system experience is based upon those older alters being shielded and walled up. When you add enough layers, we can’t dig them out again and for us that’s where most of our ‘disappearance’ comes in that we know of.  There’s another phenomenon that could cause the ‘disappearance’ effect but we’ll touch on that in a moment. In our case, we just eventually feel so distanced from who “I” was supposed to be, whoever that is. Very few of the ones who have been out in recent months are from older times. We’ve had a small handful who are from our high school years (we’re 25 now), and maybe caught a glimpse of alters older than that once or twice. We very rarely remember much of the time from that far back, and what we do remember feels incredibly detached. Almost more like we saw it in a first person pov movie rather than actually been there. We’ve gone through name changes a couple times by now, and I highly suspect that those name changes are further reflective of our archeological layers and who we decided to try to model our collective behavior around, to try to seem like one whole person. 

“Erika” was a girl who behaved one way. “Erin” was someone who behaved another way. and “Cleo” has been our current blueprint for who we’re supposed to be on the outside when being incognito. And what’s interesting is that you mentioned feeling like you had to ‘build’ yourself, because while it’s not so precise or in our control, we’ve approached it much the same way. For each name change it was like different models. out with the old model and in with the new, now introducing Cleo v2.0, with these personality patches and old bugs fixed. Around the time we changed to Erin, we had firmly decided we wanted to put our ‘old self’ behind us and improve ourselves. We had come out of toxic experiences eyes open, and we were terrified of reflecting that internalized toxicity outward. So we took ourselves to the metaphorical workshop, and spent many many years scrutinizing who ‘Erika’ was under a microscope for our faults, our flaws, what made us work that way, so that we could iron out the kinks when introducing ‘Erin’. As we took ‘Erin’ for test runs in college, we would find different flaws and faults that needed fixing, so once we’d accumulated a comprehensive list of those we took Erin in for workshopping and shortly after we dropped out of college, out came Cleo. Our entire life experience from the outside has been a long-running fixer-upper project, and for a while we were proud of ourselves to see the long strides in improvements we’d made upon “myself”, for being so quick to see our flaws and find ways to manage them. 

But what was really happening under the hood was, we weren’t actually changing as an individual, cohesive person.  We were adapting and forming new alters, or at the very least reassigning them based on who handled what better - so if we had become sick of our short temper, we swapped that alter out so that what normally caused them to respond, would instead elicit someone less volatile and slower to anger. If one of us froze up at the sight of blood, they would be swapped out of the front for someone who had no problems with it. This is why we ended up onion-layering ultimately, to lower the risk of the other alters being in front at poorly timed moments.

So tl;dr for us, a lot of our ‘Disappearance’ of our selves was us trading them out or hiding them away, and most likely encouraging a state of alter dormancy - when alters become inactive for long periods of time. (for some of us we describe it like sleeping - I think it tires us out on a physical level if one alter is active too long, it probably works certain parts of the brain more depending on the alter, but that’s all speculation.)

Backtracking a little - there is another experience that would cause a more definite and permanent ‘Disappearance’ effect. We haven’t experienced it since coming out as a system to ourselves. But we’re pretty sure we experienced it once, or twice, way back when. It’s formally known as Fusion. Fusion is what happens when two or more alters end up “physically” (for lack of a better word) merging together. They cannot separate, and they become an entirely different alter. The new alter often has some elements of their components in terms of personality traits and memories, but also isn’t a complete merging of everything. Memories and emotional attachments can often get lost in the process. This is where the other Disappearance can occur.

We know it happened to us at least once. Somewhere around middle or high school, for no apparent reason, we had developed an acute awareness and fear of Amnesia, and the identity death that would inevitably come with it. We were always scared, what if we hit our head and lost our memory? What would we remember, if anything? Would we get it back? Media always dramatizes amnesia, where amnesiac characters have some twinge, some spark, where they get drawn to things super important to them from before the memory loss. Would that happen to us? What if it didn’t? What if we never remembered the things that mattered so dearly to us? Would we even be the same person anymore?

If you compare that to the concept of fusion, it’s almost uncomfortably spot on. But we had no idea about systems or fusion back then. Which can only mean we had experienced a fusion, and somehow that caused a disturbance in the system that led to that latent fear to hang over our heads, along with the constant feelings of unreality and dreaming that followed us all through high school.

But somewhere along the line, just as suddenly as that fear developed, it just. Dissipated. It’s still a terrifying concept for us. But we no longer obsess over it like we did back then. We also suspect that’s probably related to another fusion of sorts. We have no clue who they were, or who they are now though. 

So to tie it all back in, in the comic the ‘Me/He’ disappearing would be parallel to an alter going dormant, or possibly fusing. The characters the protagonist and Tormenter are built around were originally part of a storyline of two separate identities that ended up ‘fusing’ to form a different whole, and while I can’t say the comic is faithful to the scientific or actual experience in a system, since I didn’t know about it at the time, I’m pretty sure it was based on what I had picked up on in my subconscious, so that’s the implications there, inaccurate representation though they may be.  I have heard from a few sources that fusion is often the result of a necessary function, to help protect or help an alter that can no longer function or cope the way they have been by creating a new alter that can cope better, so with this understanding, and the direction of the comic, it makes a sort of sense. 

These are my thoughts in regards to your question about ‘disappearance’ in the context of the comic based on my personal experiences, I hope it helped! Feel free to ask more or send in followup questions or statements, hopefully now that I’ve given a lot of context I won’t be quite so long-winded haha

#long post #personal #blablablah #osdd #actuallyosdd #actuallyplural #did #anon #versus #gonna make that my tag for the comic and q's related to it! #ask and ye shall receive #ps - sorry i took so long to respond! I've been off all day trying to pack for something fjdgndj