#even if we weren’t related and were the same age we wouldn’t be friends

[lu-vin-it]

could I request Carl Grimes soulmate au where their marks/works/whatever you choose shows up at a certain age and his soulmate is like Daryl's sister or some kid he took under his wing and he's Living when it happens?

Sweet on You

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

Pairings: Carl Grimes x Reader

Pronouns Used: None mentioned

Word Count: 1164

Warnings: None

A/N: Thank you to @yesland for proofreading! Ihy! Also, R calls Daryl “Daddy” because as a southerner, I wouldn’t dream of calling my Dad anything else to his face (even when I visit his grave I call him Daddy 💀) and it isn’t mentioned whether or not R is biologically related to Daryl!!

Up until you were 12 you only really had your Dad, Mom, and Uncle Merle. Your Mother homeschooled you and that was that. When the breakout first happened, you were terrified, clinging to your Dad no matter what. You and your family barely escaped your town, and it wasn’t until a couple hours after you all were on the road that your Mom admitted to being bit. Your Uncle Merle took her down to the woods and shot her at her request.

You guys came across a camp at a quarry and quickly came to the decision to stay there for a bit. You liked it there. You made friends with the other kids there, and overall, had a good time.

But now it’s years later and most of the people from the quarry have died. You still have your best friend, Carl, and you have a few other friends that you met when you arrived at Alexandria, though.

Over the years, you lost count of time, you weren’t sure how old you were, or more importantly, when your soulmark would show up. You knew your birthday was September 27th thanks to your Dad having it engraved in his mind, but you had no way of knowing when that was.

You also knew that Carl’s birthday was three weeks before yours, so when his mark showed up, you’d know that it’d be soon.

And his finally did. It was a messed up heart on his wrist, it was green, his favorite colour, and purple, coincidentally, your favorite colour.

You counted down the days until your birthday. It drove your Dad mad.

“Why the hell are you scratching up the walls?” He asks as he walks into the kitchen and sees you carving a line into the wall with your knife.

“To keep count of how many days till my birthday.”

“Just do it in your head. Ain’t no need for all that.” He says with a chuckle.

“If I do it in my head I’m bound to lose track! Not everyone’s got the memory of an elephant, Daddy.” You tell him, placing your hands on your hips. “‘Sides, I already told Rick and Michonne. They were fine with it.”

“Mhm.. How old you gonna be? Sixteen?”

“Yup!” You grin.

“Big age. Excited to get your mark?” You nod. “Yeah.. It’s a big day. Hey.. uh.. maybe you and I go do somethin’ together? For ole’ times sake?” Your heart soars.

“Course we can, Daddy. Wanna go campin’ like we did for my fifth birthday? We can do it just outside the fence.” He nods.

“I’ll get the supplies ready. When is it?”

“In about two weeks.”

“Alright. You tell me two days before and I’ll get everythin’ ready.” You nod in agreement and walk over to your Dad, placing a kiss on his cheek before going upstairs to yours and Judith’s room.

The night before your birthday came around quickly, and you and your Dad spent the entire day getting ready for your camping trip. At about noon, you both left Alexandria, and set up camp. You set up a fire and then sat with your Dad, talking about your Mom and what she would think of all this. Your Dad didn’t talk about her often, so you soaked it all up.

You both stayed up until midnight, and when the moon was finally in the center of the sky, you and your Dad stared at each other, just waiting for the burning sensation.

“Daddy, I think I feel it!” You looked down at your wrist, and sure enough, a messed up heart was appearing on your skin. He rushed over to look at it too, and you both watched in awe as the mark was finally there. Wait. What? Your jaw drops.

“That.. Ain’t that the same mark Carl has?” You nod. Your Dad breaks out into laughter.

“What’s funny ‘bout that?”

“Nothin’.. Just that you two have been attached at the hip since the farm.. makes sense is all.” You thought about it for a second, yeah, it sure does make sense. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t relieved that it was him. Now you wouldn’t have to look for your soulmate, you’d just go home and show him and everything would be fine. Right?

You barely slept that night. You were terrified that Carl would be upset that it was you. How would you even tell him? Just.. walk up to him? Show him your wrist and say “Haha looks like we’re soulmates!”?

The next morning, you were quiet. Your Dad noticed it. He kept trying to tell you jokes, or show you a bird, or something. But you didn’t really budge.

“Okay kid, what’s got you so.. down?” Your Dad asks as you guys walk home.

“Hm? I’m not down.”

“You are too.”

“No I’m not!”

“Yes you are.”

“I’m not down.”

“Y/N.. I’ve known you longer than you’ve known yourself. I know when you’re down.” You sigh.

“I dunno.. I just don’t know how he’s gonna react.” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“He’s gonna be over the moon. Why wouldn’t he be? Shit, he’s been sweet on you for years.” You stop and look at him.

“What?”

“You didn’t know?” You shake your head. “Didn’t know I raised a dumbass.” You smile and punch his shoulder playfully.

“Shut up.” You start walking again. “And never say ‘sweet on’ again. You sound like you’re a thousand years old.”

When you get to Alexandria, you take a deep breath before going inside. Carl and Enid were waiting for you at the gate.

“Show us!” Enid yells as her and Carl jog up to you.

“Show you what?” You ask, feigning ignorance.

“Your mark, come on!” Carl grabs your wrist. They both see the mark and you anxiously rock back and forth on your heels.

“Say something.” You say with a nervous chuckle.

“Don’t your marks match?” The brunette girl asks. Carl nods.

“Yeah they do. We’re soulmates?”

“Looks like it.” You take your wrist away and look at your feet. “Um.. I better go put my stuff away.” You walk off before they can reply.

You do end up putting away your things, and as you’re putting away your blankets, Carl barges into your room.

“Why’d you run away?” He asks, panting.

“I.. why are you so out of breath?”

“I asked first.”

“You seemed.. upset. I don’t know. I wanted to give you space.”

“Well I don’t want space.”

“Well how was I supposed to know?”

“Well you didn’t really wait for me to say something so you didn’t know.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m listening now.”

“I don’t want space.”

“Yes.. I think we’ve established that.”

“Ever. I’m happy you’re my soulmate.”

“You are?”

“I am.”

“I’m happy you’re my soulmate too.” You say with a smile. Carl breaks out in one as well, and before you know it, he’s walking towards you and kissing you.

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

#carl grimes x reader #carl grimes #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead imagine #the walking dead x reader #twd x reader

[mueritos]

As someone who’s been through multiple therapists and psychs, you’re super not wrong about these people bringing their biases to the table. I’m lucky enough that I

1. Was an older teenager

2. Had friends who had had decent mental health help already

3. Already kinda suspected the shapes of what was “wrong with me” and

4. Had an innate sense of “no that seems like bullshit” before I went in with these people.

The first therapist I ever saw met me as a 17 year old alt girl, and when I tried to talk to her about thinking I had anxiety issues she cut me off before I was done explaining and told me I was self diagnosing, that was causing my problem, and we wouldn’t “entertain THAT” any further.

The second therapist I ever saw met me as a 18 year old trans guy, pre-everything, during the pandemic. She listened, but she had no experience with the trans community and I had to teach her everything about anything I wanted to talk about with regards to that. She was nice, but she couldn’t help me. She didn’t know how.

The third therapist I ever saw met me as a 21 year old young man. She figured I had everything sorted out already. I didn’t. She never tried to change her mind or delve deeper. At this point I couldn’t afford to waste my time, so I asked to be recommended to a psych and she said sure. After that we didn’t talk.

The first psych I went to was very kind, and absolutely did not do his due diligence. I came in with a shiny recommendation from a therapist (that he didn’t verify), so he all but handed me the medication with no explanation and I only ever spoke to him over the phone after that. It was a low barrier to entry but the medication wasn’t right and I didn’t know I had other options. He made it seem like I didn’t.

The psych I’m seeing now put me on a medication that reacted poorly with my inhaler because she didn’t cross check if they would be any drug interactions. I came back and asked for a different medication. She was going to put me on a different one, and then I asked her to check if there were any interactions with this one. Turns out there were severe ones. I ended up going with a different medication, it seems to be working. It would probably work better with help from a therapist, but I don’t have the time or money for that right now. And quite frankly I’m tired of trying to convince people to help me when I have to explain what I think is wrong with me for them to listen. Only for them to decide that I’ve already figured it all out and they don’t need to try.

So uh. Yeah. Lots and lots of stories from me and my friends about clinicians of all age and experience ranges that go from horror stories to just disappointing and unhelpful. Some of these people had been practicing for 20-30 years and they STILL weren’t any better at empathy or not being horribly biased.

first of all holy shit it really fucking sucks you had to go through all of these terrible experiences while accessing care you deserve and need. i'm not surprised these terrible interactions happened, and I can't even be disappointed considering the bar of standards is in hell. The "better" experiences a lot of folks have with clinicians align with your second therapist. They are clinicians who just genuinely have no worldview outside of their own, but are receptive to new information...they just have no drive to learn how to apply new frameworks of ways of thinking to expand their worldview and guide their clients. The worst is literal malpractice, ableism, and violence against clients.

a lot of people who go into the mental health field don't actually have the skills related to active listening, empathy, or curiosity based out of humanity. I say this to a lot of people in the social work program, but social work is the same pipeline as mean girls who go into nursing--it's just full of the girls who were not smart enough to go into nursing that decide to go into social work. Same breed of mean girl seeking power over others, just different contexts of public service.

the only hope i have is in the new generations of mental health clinicians who are BIPOC/queer, anti-carceral, disabled themselves, and who are mentally ill as well. I feel more solidarity with my neurodivergent peers in my program who can barely finish an assignment on time than I do with the white women who have never experience hardship in their lives. Not to say neither of these people can't experience easy or hard times in their lives but man....seeing the roadblocks in some of these people's worldviews, empathy, or conceptualizations of other people's struggles is fucked up.

the mental health field is just another medicalized, over-policed, and racist institution that wants to shove people back into the workforce ASAP. we are in hell!! but just know there ARE people and groups and orgs out there that are dedicated to radical work and will name all the hypocrisy, pain, and oppression that exists in working in this field.

thank you tho for sharing your experience and input. I can only hope that your experiences moving forward are positive and liberating for you <3

#muertoresponds #like brother we are in hell! #my last therapist is a zionist so yea we are literally in hell #there are really cool and awesome clinicians out there tho #it feels so freeing to openly talk about palestine with my therapist and shes like yea fuck zionists! #there are people out there dedicated to being safe and radical people #godspeed to anyone else in the social work field or who is training to be one #im trying to get my degree my license (maybe) and just fuck off #i only want to work independently or in higher ed

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Pride Asks!

It may be August, but I’m a big believer in Pride Year, so today I’m going through the list of questions I found on this post and answering the ones I feel like thinking about!

(Turns out I felt like answering all thirty-four of them. Have fun!)

1. Which labels do you use?

I am greyromantic and demisexual! I also use aromantic and asexual, or aro-ace.

2. Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

I’m here, I’m queer! I understand why some people aren’t comfortable with reclaiming this word, but it works well for me. You can’t leave out the A when you call it a queer community.

3. Which pronouns do you use?

She/her

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

Yep!

5. Are you "out" publicly?

Yep!

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

I wish I’d known it was an option sooner. I couldn’t have come out before I knew about it, so I suppose it was the right time. But I wish I’d spent fewer years thinking there was something wrong with me.

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

No, but when I came out, I didn’t know that there were other queer people in my family.

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

My gender is “respect me!”

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

In middle school, I knew I wasn’t feeling the same thing that my peers were describing when they talked about crushes. But it was easy enough to dismiss it as just another thing that was different about me. I was already anosmic and autistic, and always the first Jewish kid that anyone had ever met. I assumed I was “straight but broken” for the longest time. I didn’t even really believe that I could be asexual the first time I heard the word, in college. I joined my school’s Feminist Union, and that’s where I learned that there are more options to sexuality than straight or gay, more options to gender than boy or girl, and that romantic and sexual attraction weren’t the same thing. I went on Tumblr and followed as many queer blogs as I could find – I was determined to learn everything I could about all the identities, so I could be the best ally ever! One day, I saw a post with the word “demisexual” in it, and I Googled it. I read the definition, and it clicked.

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

When people call me “sir” or “ma’am.”

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Technically You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson. I wish I could reach back through time and hand this book to my preteen self.

12. Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

“For Me” by Dearlie and “Never Been in Love” by Will Jay stand out. I’m not sure if it was intentional, but “Good Thing” by Zedd and Kehlani is SO aro.

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not?

Every word we use to describe ourselves has been used against us pejoratively. If I find a word works for me, I use it. If someone asks me not to use a word for them or around them, then I won’t use it for them or around them.

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

I’m Jewish, anosmic, and autistic. I understood from a very young age that there were things about me that made me different from other people, that other people wouldn’t be able to see right away. Once they realized that that difference existed, they would doubt me, question me, negatively judge me, and distance themselves from me. In a way, that all prepared me to realize and accept my asexuality and aromanticism.

I also give my parents a lot of credit for never putting any pressure on me to date when I was a kid or a teen. In hindsight, my childhood home was a very safe place to be aro-ace. Queerness wasn’t something we ever talked about, so it’s not like they encouraged me to explore, but they never discouraged it, either. When I first told my mom I thought I might have a crush on a girl, she immediately hugged me and told me she loved me, and that was the end of the conversation. I knew I could come to her and my dad with whatever new discovery I might make about myself.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

I went from “I have no idea” to “straight but broken” to “panromantic demisexual” to “greyromantic demisexual.”

16. Do you attend Pride in person every year?

No. I’d like to, but there’s a pandemic going on out there. And I live in Florida.

17. Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

I went to Orlando Pride once with my then-boyfriend. There was a big, colorful parade, I bought a demisexual pride flag, and someone gave me a pair of rainbow sunglasses that I wore til they broke.

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

I think that Orlando Pride I mentioned was my first Pride. I was twenty-four or so.

19. Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

Safe enough, and accepted enough, given that it’s Florida. I stay in the Disney bubble enough that I don’t feel the need to constantly look over my shoulder. I have a girlfriend I love and friends I adore. That said, while no one locally is actively out to hurt me, it’s rare that anyone besides my girlfriend and a few key friends is actively out to understand and support my queerness, either. I try to find other aros and aces to hang out with in person, but it’s hard.

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

I feel like I do. But I don’t think that they feel like I do.

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Everything about you – everything you feel, everything you experience – is just as good, just as valid, and just as important as anyone else.

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

These days mostly through TikToks.

23. Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

Game night!

24. Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I’m Jewish. Masorti/Conservative. Like I said before, being Jewish in a predominantly Christian area prepared me in a way for being aro and ace. People struggle to understand it in similar ways; people are nice to me until they learn about it in similar ways. My community is pretty chill about it. They know I’m queer. My girlfriend and I met at synagogue. It doesn’t come up much, really. They’re more interested in the fact that I’m a twenty-something in a congregation where everyone is either much older or much younger than me.

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

“Aces and aros aren’t LGBT!” “You’re not queer enough!” “You’re not oppressed enough!”

We have nothing to gain from shutting each other out, and everything to lose from perpetuating hate.

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

Partner is a great word! One of the ways my aromanticism shows up is in a fluctuating romance-repulsion. Sometimes I’m happy with romantic behaviors and ideas, and sometimes I’m really not okay with any of it! Right now, I’m calling my girlfriend my girlfriend, but sometimes that word doesn’t sit well with me. When we first announced our relationship on social media, I called her my “person.” I’m a big fan of having more words, more options, for how to describe the many ways our lives and relationships can be. “Partner” is great.

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

My person. My partner. My friend. Babe.

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

Great question! I experience both at times, rarely. I’m demisexual – I only experience sexual attraction towards someone after I have an emotional connection with that person – and I’m greyromantic – I sometimes experience romantic attraction to others, without a clear pattern to it. Gender has never been an important factor for me. I’ve been in love with he’s, she’s, and they’s, and it comes and goes the same either way!

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

My girlfriend and I have been a romantic couple for about three months. We were friends for about two years before that. I want to build a future together with someone, to make big life decisions together, to create a home together and have each other around for hugs whenever we need them.

But I feel fine when I don’t have that. Who I am when I’m in love and who I am when I’m not in love – it’s both me. I’m whole either way. But I know what I want.

30. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Not sure! I’ve never been in love with more than one person at a time, but I’m pretty sure I could be. I think it would be amazing to have more than one person you have that kind of understanding with and can count on like that. But I’m comfortable with monogamy. It’s not like my romantic partner is the only important person in my life; my family and friends are just as important.

31. Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else lgbt):

I don’t have any good pride pics right now, but I found this picrew I saved, like, two years ago:

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

I’m a writer, so have a poem instead:

I am yours to sit up with past midnight I am yours now to hold very near I am yours to give flowers and chocolates I am yours when I tell you my fears

I am yours when you soothe all my worries I am yours when you calm all my rants I am yours here beside you for always I am yours since you gave me the chance

I am yours when I tell you you’re silly I am yours when you tell me the same I am yours now to keep us both mindful I am yours in both sunshine and rain

I am yours when we meet in the morning I am yours when I tell you goodbye I am yours, though the allos will tell us That love without sex is a lie

Incidentally, I’m working on a book of Aromantic Asexual Love Poems. If you’ve read this far and you’re interested in beta-reading a queer poetry book, please reach out!

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

The freedom! The freedom to not know what’s going on with me, to be inconsistent, to figure out what’s best for me and my relationships, to build my future day by day by day. Recognizing my aromanticism and asexuality has opened so many doors for me and given me so much hope!

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

More people who are neither aro nor ace mentioning aro and ace people in queer contexts. We can’t be the only ones speaking up for ourselves. Y’all need to be positive and noisy about us, too. That’s how we know we’re safe with you.

#thursday thoughts #pride #pride asks #queer #aroace #aromantic #asexual #greyromantic #demisexual #coming out #poetry #queer community #aro #ace #aromanticism #asexuality #aro pride #ace pride #aroace pride

[wyverian-lady525]

To add onto the cute Rathi and Ratha sibling like headcannons... Could we also get headcannons on Cheval basically being an older brother to the rider? Since they both lost someone dear to them at a young age so Cheval could really relate with the rider and much like their Rathalos the rider also went through a LOT and could use a supportive and caring older brother type and I feel Cheval would be just perfect for that role! (especially with how close their Raths already are) (sorry for the double send! I got these ideas at the same time and couldn't decide which was cuter!)

All good!💖😁

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheval Being like an Older Brother to the Rider Headcanons

-Cheval already has experience as acting like a brother figure due to his childhood friend/rival from Hakum. They were close like family, so he kind of had that bond with them. He’s always felt like the older brother, the more responsible one, so it was natural to feel that way with you.

-However, it was a little different.

-You actually were younger, and you’ve been through a lot. You’ve also lost someone. Granted, you weren’t Cheval’s age when you lost your grandfather. Also, to him, losing a mother is the hardest thing ever. But still, you guys were very similar. He saw himself in you.

-He figured you’d need some guidance from a figure like an older brother. It was something he didn’t have growing up when he was lost. Well, something he let in. Cheval figured he could try his best to fill that space.

-So, Alwin was your dad, Cheval was your older brother, and Reverto was the uncle that no one left you with by yourself.

-Rathi and Ratha were quite close, so naturally you and him grew close as well. He would try to be supportive, comforting with his words by relating his own experiences so you wouldn’t feel so alone.

-He would protect you as well. Cheval felt this instinct to keep you safe, even offering to travel with you if you wanted. 

-Cheval is honestly so caring. He makes sure you have everything you need before he does, and like his monstie, will self-sacrifice to ensure that you are well taken care of.

-You were grateful for his companionship and can’t help but look up to him. After everything that’s happened, you felt that Cheval understood you. The two of you had this silent bond, where you saw him as a brother and him in turn.

-On a side note, it’s not all serious moments.

-He would be a goof to make you laugh. Perhaps it was something like getting lost in Lulucion and acting like he’s not, or burning the food, or seeing him in embarrassing situations. It was scenarios like this that brought you closer.

-You’ve been adopted into his little family, which now consisted of you, Rathi, Lilia, and Ratha. There will even be a point where he offers to take you to his village and showed you how he grew up.

#monster hunter stories 2 #monster hunter stories #mhst #mhst2 #cheval #monster hunter stories cheval #mhst2 cheval #headcanons #cheval headcanons

[boypussydilf]

ooo im gonna make u think about sumi so bad but with a twist this time ooooo give me ur thoughts on the yoshizawa twins RN

OOOOOOOOOH SHIT I DO WANT TO THINK ABOUT THEM AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW. sorry hold on let me go rewatch sumis entire confidant now to really refresh and collect my thoughts on them- i wish i could. that would take an hour. so ill just fly in as i am <3

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

OBV we dont see a ton of it but i like what we know about it i think its interesting… how apparently kasumi like, made a lot of decisions For sumire iirc… they seem very dedicated to each other, the Let’s Do Everything Together And The Same kind of twins. or at least thats what kasumi wanted them to be like, and sumire kind of just… got used to everything being like that. and sumire kind of looks up to and resents her sister at the same time and thinks kasumi wouldn’t grieve her much and kasumi doesn’t seem to notice how Very Depressed she is… All This Being Said they obviously Are Very Close And Care About Each Other Deeply and were maybe, like, each other’s closest friends. i should focus on them a lot when i watch p5r again…

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

since I haven’t really thought about them enough to have The Slightly Altered Yoshizawas From My Brain, I will instead think about hypothetical versions of their relationship that are not directly pointed to by what i remember of canon. for one thing again i think its said that kasumi would do stuff like pick sumires clothes, and that’s kind of what sumire got used to, and is still used to, Having Decisions Made For Her, but it’s also not what she actually Wants, once she thinks about it and gets the chance to just do stuff like. pick out a dress all on her own. how did they even, like, get to that point?? like did kasumi one day as a kid go Hey can I pick your outfit :) and then they just did that forever from then on? did it happen gradually?

they obviously were close but maybe not… the… Talking About Feelings And Serious Important Things kind of close. of course that could be a “Sumire has problems and issues and personally didn’t want to voice her feelings and complaints” kind of thing. or a “having a sibling your age when you are fifteen” kind of thing.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

sibling relationships especially of the complicated sort are just, like, Cool <3 i like sumire being mad about her sister who she also loves. i like kasumi trying to cheer up her sister. she did not exactly succeed, but, you know, she was fifteen. she tried.

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

*points* Siblings. ok that can mean a lot of things i guess i should elaborate. a sibling, like, of the traditional sort, Person You Grew Up With or Person Related To You is. a lot of things! like thats someone youre kind of Stuck With and they can be like ur built-in Supporter or some bitch you have to share the world with or. both! and kasumi & sumires relationship is the way it is because They’re Siblings. if they were the exact same people with the same personalities but they weren’t family, thatd be a completely different relationship. the whole thing is formed by them being sisters. THEY, as People, are formed by them being sisters. woah. had a moment of staring out into the galaxy and seeing enlightenment there… ur family forms you… you are influenced just by having them around you…

anyway kasumi & sumire wanted to do right by each other kasumi wanted to have her sister by her side and happy sumire wants her sister to be proud… they want each other to be happy… oh my god…

favorite interaction they have in canon

We don’t get to See them interact a lot and um. You know <3 i know i like the Ice Cream Story sumire tells, but i cant actually uh, remember it right now, so. i also like kasumi going “it’s my job as the elder sister!” both bc its a fun cute sweet moment + informs what kasumi was like very well, and also, like. I think we still never got word on if they’re actually Twins twins or just, like. Siblings who are Super close in age. Is kasumi the Older Sister Proper or a twin born ten minutes earlier who made it part of her identity? Not sure. Both are good.

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

oh my god i have no clue honestly. i would love to have the chance to see more of just their Regular Interactions, i guess. A Day In The Life. see what they were like as kids or something. also there are of course barriers preventing this from happening but, wouldn’t it be neat and fun and interesting and probably very sweet to see kasumi react to phantom thief sumire?

i guess thats all. thank you i am now cursed to think about them in previously untold, untapped ways

#basilask #p5r spoilers

[arella-writes]

the relationship between sisters is something like i know every word of your favorite movie when you were five. you won’t invite me to hang out with you and your friends. i’ll cook you dinner even if i’m having trouble with eating again. i wish you would look at me the same way you did when you were 8. why do you always have to make fun of my hair? when we were little we used to pretend we were mermaids. it makes me so sad that i will never completely understand you. you read in secret the books you know i read when i was your age. we don’t ever hug except for new year’s. your eggs are the best i’ve ever eaten because i know you only cook for me. you once gave me a black eye and never really apologized for it. i’m so glad that my parents learned with me how not to treat you. i hope you never hate me for knowing everything first. i don’t know what’s your favorite color. i always stood in front of you when mom tried to hit you. i don’t think you remember it. when you were 10 you wrote me a letter that said i was your favorite person. i know you enjoy it a bit when dad makes me cry. you always wear my perfume when you think im not looking. i don’t remember if we’ve ever told each other “i love you”. why won’t you ever let me pick the music? i’ll try to do everything first so you don’t have to be scared of doing it too. once you told me you wouldn’t like me if we weren’t related. i still ask you what you think of my outfit before i go out, btw i’m so sick of you wearing my clothes without asking. i only stayed alive at 17 because you are here. i hate that you know i will forgive you for anything. should we maybe get a matching tattoo? i realized i only really talk to you at dinner. i really want you to like me. anyway, its your turn to set the table. i wish i had said yes every time you begged me to play with you, i should’ve said yes, i should’ve said yes , i should’ve said yes

#sisters #girlhood #siblings #writing #sadgirl #womanhood

[notsuchasecret]

Twice the Trouble

#2: For today's challenge, I rolled a d100 a few times on my random fic generator, to get a prompt and some characters. I love this concept, it was so much fun to slap together lol. Enjoy!

If there was one thing Kita Shinsuke had learned in his time at Inarizaki High, it was to be wary of twins. He seemed to attract them, like the Miyas had slipped some sort of magnets under his skin when he wasn't looking, and each set he came across brought some new brand of chaos to his life. Atsumu and Osamu, he had largely learned to corral, but each of the five pairs that he met after them had been different enough in some way that the tricks he'd learned in high school weren't as effective.

He'd just finished a delivery at the Higashiosaka branch of Onigiri Miya, the truck still sitting in the back alley behind the shop as Shinsuke strolled along the street. Atsumu had been visiting for an early lunch, his boyfriend sitting next to him at the counter and making the most smitten faces at him whenever his back was turned. Osamu had mentioned Suna coming down to visit as well, and he'd sounded so happy when he'd said it. Shinsuke was happy for them both. He was happy for all his friends. It was nice to see so many of them following their dreams, finding joy, finding someone to cherish them. Shinsuke had a serene little smile on his face as he window shopped, thinking of the way Atsumu had leaned toward his boyfriend subconsciously, and the way Osamu had smiled. The smile Shinsuke wore dropped immediately when he nearly tripped over a little girl outside a coffee shop, only to find a little boy the same age standing right behind him.

Here we go, Shinsuke thought to himself, and bowed to the latest twins.

"Apologies," he said, smiling politely. "I didn't see ya there."

He tried to keep walking, to cut short any intervention they could stage. But then the girl looked up at him, cocked her head, and said, "Onii-san, you seem lonely."

The words stopped Shinsuke in his tracks. He tried to keep walking, but his legs wouldn't budge. He found himself instead turning to look at the kids.

"What makes ya say that?" he asked.

"No, it isn't that he's lonely," the boy said, looking at his sister. "It's that he's insecure. He doesn't see what's in front of him."

"That isn't it, either," she argued. "He sees his friends. He's jealous of them."

"I don't--" Shinsuke started, but the boy snapped his fingers, and the girl's eyes widened, and both said at the same time,

"He thinks he's unloveable!"

"Why do you think that, Onii-san?" the girl asked, turning back to Shinsuke.

"Is it just romantic love you think you can't have? That would make sense, since your friends are so close to your heart," the boy added.

"I should be going," Shinsuke managed, and forced himself to turn.

"No, that won't do," the girl said, and reached out to brush her fingertip across his forearm. He stopped, blinking.

"What was..." He shook his head. "I don't have anywhere ta be, but I don't wanna be here," he said, then frowned. "I didn't mean ta say that..."

"Oh, it's fine," the boy said. "There's no use in trying to be polite now. So, why do you think you can't have love?"

"Because I'm boring," Shinsuke answered promptly, then frowned deeper.

"Hmm. But did you ever try for it?" asked the girl.

"Well, no, but--"

"Ren! Ran! There you are!" Shinsuke looked up and prayed desperately that his cheeks weren't as red as they felt. The young man who was jogging toward them looked enough like the twins that he must have been related, perhaps an older brother. He was beautiful, sandy brown hair, droopy green eyes, broad and tall. Even frowning at his siblings, Shinsuke could see kindness in his face. "Please tell me you weren't bothering this poor man," the stranger groaned.

"Of course not!" scoffed the girl.

"We were just trying to help," muttered the boy. Their brother groaned.

"I'm so sorry about them," he said, bowing to Shinsuke. "They like to meddle, no matter how much I tell them to leave people to live their own lives." He glared at the twins, who blinked back, unrepentant. It was a look Shinsuke had seen on the Miyas' faces so often that he had to smile.

"I don't think they did much harm," he said, and the stranger blinked at him. "They meant well, anyway."

"...Ran," the stranger hissed, and the girl shrugged.

"He was running away," she said, looking at her nails. "We were only trying to help."

"Listen, sir," the stranger said, turning back to Shinsuke. "It'll wear off in about three hours, a day at most, depending on how much skin contact she got. But you'll want to be careful who you talk to for the rest of the day. My little sister has a... gift, let's call it, for getting people to tell the truth, and she abuses it shamelessly." He glared at her again, but she just shrugged.

"Oh. That makes sense, then," Shinsuke said.

"I'll get these menaces back to our uncle's house, then," the stranger said, grabbing his siblings by the shoulders. He bowed again. "I'm sorry for the trouble." He paused a moment, seeming to consider something, then shook his head and dug a slip of paper out of his pocket. "This is my phone number. I don't give it out much, but, well. If the effects don't wear off, or if you run into any trouble because of her, feel free to text me and I'll see if I can help."

Shinsuke kept his mouth carefully shut as he took the slip of paper, his breath going shaky at the brush of their skin together. The stranger smiled, bowed once more, then steered the twins away. Shinsuke looked down at the number he'd been given, and the name scribbled above it.

"Tachibana Makoto," he read quietly, and looked up at the retreating backs of the three siblings. Makoto was scolding his brother, his back broad and what little of his face that Shinsuke could see painfully handsome. Shinsuke bit his lip. He would text Makoto, he decided, regardless of the effects of his little sister's gift. If only for sheer curiosity's sake.

Smiling to himself, he shook his head and turned back down the street, thinking of another pair of twins and just how explosive their reaction would be if this went the way Shinsuke was thinking it might. He would have to be sure to avoid speaking to either of them if he truly did have to tell the truth. Or maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't. Maybe he could sow a little chaos of his own.

It would serve them right, after all.

#hq #Haikyuu!! #Free! #Wordly Stuff #MakoKita #JT1M #2023 Ficlets #I Really Need a Kita Tag #Mama Whale #TachiTwins #I feel like I'm missing a tag but tbh whatevs

[thesecretattic]

Mannat from 31st Dec, 2015

Year 2015-2016 was the first & last new year I have ever celebrated I currently have high fever rn so I can’t type much again I wish I had someone to talk to… maybe another loner like me, cuz all others are having plans for tonight. So all my teens I was bullied and it went to so much extent that the geyser bursted and our bathroom caught fire twice (I’m sure you’ve read that) Anyway they would bully me on bbm but as a 15-16 year old I was like we are too old for all this… cuz they were bigger anyway but in actual sense it was indeed bullying and very toxic. On new years too I would get tortured with all sorts of texts, as a final resort I was told to lie and tell them I was celebrating NYE with new friends but one of them saw me running my daily errands so they started spamming me with more scathing messages such as “Go celebrate with your imaginary friends you forever loner” my childhood best friend would ask them to circulate this phrase repeatedly “A girl who can never have a best friend” anyway she did that cuz she had her older brother’s support who was again 7 yrs older than me and he was very intimidating, she used his help to turn everyone against me and make sure they would boycott me cuz i was on friendly terms with everyone and I wouldn’t back bich about them like her (she had that habit, she would even comment on people’s appearance and weight) she was very materialistic and she came to India like a spoilt brat from Dubai, she would shun and disparage all Indians that was her sole motto when they shifted here and since me and my brother were younger she would tried doing that with us too but as a next door neighbour and same bench partner at school she was in for a shock. Everyone at school believed I was some NRI from USA and someone started spreading those rumours in my new school as well cuz I was always that well versed and I would come up with all those ideas and thoughts which were prevalent only there (even when someone saw my work a few years ago like when I was 21-22 they said I couldn’t believe it was made in India it’s too sophisticated for here) so in school everyone would say you’re too classy all ur high profile words will go bouncers… you’ve recently come from US right? Etc etc. They weren’t being mean they would just start joking after that. I had a good circle till a certain age but then they started shuffling which I think is really wrong especially when there’s a lot of groupism cuz some ppl stick together and some don’t. They thought I’d recently shifted, me and my bro were used to buying imported stuff and we knew all the places where we would get them for cheap and we knew a lot of other things which she couldn’t handle, she almost challenged a 7 year old to show her prowess in Hollywood movies/trivia that too even adult ones while playing dumb charades.

We didn’t bother fighting or arguing we would let her win… she was always competitive and she would get jealous of my inexpensive fancy stuff even though she would get a lot of things from Dubai (because choice matters more) anyway she went extreme after growing up, my school had to be changed and I don’t want to get into more discussion but she’s the reason why I don’t have any friends. I also learnt about racism from a very early age that too within India, sorry she never considered herself an Indian. I once tried showing her Rihanna in my fav Magazine but she couldn’t take it so she flung it across the room and she thought I was good at fashion because of those mags. Nope! wrong, I would select my own clothes even as a toddler I’ve shared this before like Raven from that’s so Raven it was very relatable when she said that in one of her episodes, all other parents would ask for the same stuff when they would see my clothes on the cash counter. I started reading those magazines out of interest cuz I always loved fashion and I knew maximum items listed there were paid advertisements. As a 12 year old (I was a bit sassy) I would be like “All paid… all paid even the Chanel Sunglasses by Delhi Vasant Kunj store” I can’t write much there’s a lot to share haha funny stories too, she started getting magazines just to compete with me and she would even compare home appliances (show me a kid who’s interested in all that) next she would ask me what career I would like to pursue just to go around and tell everyone she wanted to take up that as well… she then started getting extreme, even now she is the first to copy trends and stuff cuz she thinks that is what I do even though she hasn’t seen me in recent years, Karma: I was an epicurean I loved trying out different cuisines so she would always get jealous whenever I would go out even though she knew I would cry a lot of tears before leaving due to my family eventually she took away all my friends and even the little bit of happiness I had on my previous childhood birthdays (I last celebrated the 15th one or so) and I went on dating apps to socialise cuz girls are very jealous and hostile in India now I’ve realised even guys have a very poor mentality and she too had those traits even if she was from Dubai anyway I went there and got bed ridden and she got her wish I STOPPED going out to restaurants and stuff and she would then POST her own restaurant and food images OBSESSIVELY and then Karma struck back to her and we had Covid when NO ONE WAS ALLOWED to go out anymore but even during cov times she tortured me and she dragged one of her friends to whichever cafe was open during lockdown just to share images. When I wrote my previous book and published it (cover editing layout typesetting website whatever I could manage or do) she couldn’t take it so she created a fake writer’s acc with all those previous society’s friends and came there to mock and harass me. Even now she copies all these stupid trends cuz she thinks I might be doing that, the world is currently a fashion disaster and no offence so are you. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s new year the way she ruined mine I hope she is not reading this. Anyway, I could go on for hours, I actually haven’t shared the dark side of this story, there’s a lot more.

My hands are getting cold cuz I can’t type much. I have shared the following stories previously but all the other posts have now obsoleted them. Coming back to 2015 31st Dec I realised I wasn’t the only one who was crying in the car due to lack of friends, I saw an old uncle crying on the signal too cuz it was almost midnight and he wasn’t able to make any sale… he was selling party stuff. I was 20, someone in the car had cleanliness OCD back then so I couldn’t buy anything. I came up with an idea which led to a very unique resolution that year, I knew Harsh’s birthday was coming on 5th so I picked 3rd to like make this “Mannat” but of a different kind not where you tie threads, I’m sharing this cuz its a sweet memory and I hardly have such memories. Back then we wouldn’t get those Nutella snack packs consisting of biscuits and stuff☹️🥺😡 so I just got big jars of Nutella and I went to Carter Road… you would always find these little urchins there selling colouring books and stationary, they would even sometimes nag you to buy them something from those stalls. I once bought one of them some yogurt but the yogurt wala 😡😡😡 the reason I’m calling him that is because he was really bad he was just looking down upon that kid and that’s not because his height was small or he was unable to reach the counter, I had told him to give him whatever he liked… don’t treat them like that or I won’t even pay for my yogurt! I had already made the payment that’s why he was acting smart I was keeping a watch from outside 👀 It was some chappi employee btw what did he think of himself?

I went there on 3rd Jan hoping these kids would be around but looks like they were still decompressing from 31st bash or they were probably too smart to only come out on weekends, unfortunately Carter road was entirely empty that day… then I spotted one toddler coming from the opposite side, she crossed very fast cuz they are very adept at all these things, she came to me and she was just standing there cuz I don’t think she had even learnt how to talk she was too small like those Chucky dolls. I gave her the Nutella but I had to explain to her that it’s like chocolate cuz she was like I said too small to understand anything, I was afraid someone might snatch it from her so I kept a watch, but she went back properly to her mother and on her way there she opened it and tasted it (this was the fun part) no child would resist something like that. She tasted it then she hugged the jar like left right, I was like how cute 🥰 people rightly say Nutella is like happiness. She turned out to be smarter than I thought cuz she was holding it properly and she went straight to her mother. I was hoping he would get a good opportunity or tv show or whatever he wanted to do cuz it was like a Mannat an exchange of favours with God and it would’ve made 2 people happy or in fact more than 2, I was happy a few onlookers were happy… but God just wanted that thread???!! Since it was something sweet, he should’ve gotten a sweet role to play not toxic ajinomoto I will never have Maggi in my whole life (ref. 22nd Dec + posts) I’m feeling giddy like throwing up, happens when you have Maggi too. Bye. I can’t write further I’d already taken a few breaks in between.

- Zara Sauleh

[citylightsthings]

happy pride month to my fellow lgbtqia community 💗

I just wanted to talk about my process of coming to terms and accepting my sexuality as a lesbian. I hope others reading can relate or learn something new about themselves!

To preface, obviously, it wasn’t easy. In fact, it’s still something I work on each day! I am 21 now, and after thinking about it for a while, I really only took to heart the identity of lesbian at the age of 19-20. So, it’s still pretty fresh in my mind and my body. I had a feeling I was bisexual in sophomore year of high school and stuck with that for a bit. But, it still didn’t feel right. My peers were not openly homophobic, but I picked up on bits and pieces that alluded to some… interesting beliefs. I was so scared to show my true colors, or what I thought were my true colors. So, I hardly spoke about it to my friends. I never spoke of it with my parents, and I certainly did not put in the time and care to hash it out myself. I seriously cannot remember a single friendship that I had where I was emotionally and spiritually connected in my K-12 years, except one in high school. Each friendship was strictly academic or related to band/music performance. Sure, we talked about things that happened in the world or some of our interests, but we never had those deep conversations. We never asked those existential questions together. They weren’t bad friends, but I wouldn’t say they were great. They all felt very one-sided. I am a great listener and people would rant to me about their boy problems or home problems, but nobody really asked about me and what I’ve been dealing with. Or maybe I just pushed them away. I don’t know, I can hardly remember now. All I know is that people knew I was dealing with something inside but nobody took the time to truly sit me down and talk it out. I don’t blame them for it, but it would’ve been nice to have some support system like that. I would constantly call myself ugly and people would always say “no you’re not! you’re beautiful”, but that’s as far as they would go. I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. Nobody said “hey, maybe there’s something else going on and we should talk”. I would’ve liked that back then.

I often envy straight people for having it easy. Having representation and validation in the very complex society, culture, and history we exist with today. I always think about how much EASIER my sexual journey would have been if I saw a queer couple on my TV, or have it mentioned in my health classes at an early age, or even had a nice talk with my parents about it. I feel as if my entire childhood was robbed from be because I was a walking lie. It wasn’t until I got to COLLEGE when I was welcomed with open arms from a very supportive community of individuals who are not afraid to express themselves and maintained an open dialogue. I am trying to recount the earliest moment in my life where I saw some form of queer representation in the media. And after thinking for a long time, it was Halsey. They are openly bisexual and that helped me a ton with understanding what sexuality truly is and how it is not binary. That was around freshman year of high school. The first time I saw queer representation on the screen was either from playing Life Is Strange in either 2018 or 2019 or watching the 100 (around the same time I believe). Now, that wasn’t very long ago. But it feels like ages! Which is great news- it means that I have grown so much as a person. I mean, the person I was in high school is completely unrecognizable from who I am today. But it saddens me. So much of my life I felt confused and I didn’t have the words to describe what I felt. This was a process I went through alone. This was the most difficult battle I fought and I am still fighting it. And it’s all behind the scenes. Nobody sees this mess except me and my other fellow queers.

Growing up I never had real crushes on boys/men. If I did, I either convinced myself I did for the attention, or crushed on unattainable men (celebrities and fictional characters). I’m not sure when I stumbled upon the lesbian masterdoc, I think freshman or sophomore year of college, but after reading a couple sentences I immediately felt like someone had written my life story word for word! It was shocking, and I learned so much about the consequences of compulsory heterosexuality. I picked up on certain moments in my early childhood that definitely alluded to having homosexual feelings. I noticed the way I categorized things in my mind, and how I viewed men. It took a while for me to untangle myself from all this. And I still am. What does being a lesbian mean for my future? How will I fit into society? What discrimination will I undoubtedly face as I grow older? Will I ever find a partner who loves me? How long will that take? Will I die alone? These are questions I always ask myself. After sorting out whatever inner turmoil I had, it’s now time for me to seek the best way to express myself outwardly. What clothes should I wear? Do I change my mannerisms and the way I speak? Should I get a different haircut? What other tattoos do I want? I have no clue as to where to begin. But I do know that I desperately need to change my wardrobe. I still wear a lot of clothes that I wore in high school and I want to get away from that! I want more simple clothes, something more stylish and classy. What does the real “Camille” look like? I just started looking through pinterest to gain inspiration, but it will certainly be a process.

Being proud of your sexuality is not easy, especially in this fucked up system we are cleverly moving in, like chess pieces. But I want to emphasize that so much of the process is forgiveness and self-respect. It’s becoming indifferent to certain things you’ve dealt with. If you don’t love yourself right now that’s okay, but understand that one day you will look back and laugh. You will be confident, proud, and radiate beautiful, positive energy. Cut yourself some slack, everyone’s journey is different and time is a silly thing. You will get there when you get there. Enjoy the present, be hopeful of the future, and don’t be afraid to sit in your thoughts to reflect on the past. So much of growing into adulthood is rekindling things you loved as child. Don’t be afraid to return to old hobbies and interests. What gave you that little spark of inspiration that you might no longer have?

I will end by saying thank you to anyone who read this, and if you have more questions or need someone to talk to, my messages are open! I am here for my community and I want to give back to the support I’ve had over the recent years. This post obviously does not cover everything i’ve dealt with regarding my sexuality, gosh there is so much more. We live in a crazy, fucked up world, but life is beautiful and precious. Being alive is just as rare as being dead, so do as much as you can and love whomever you love! Happy pride month, I love being a lesbian and I’ve never been happier!

#pride #wlw community #wlw pride #wlw post #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #mine #pride month #gay #homosexual #love is love

[reilliane]

Enchanted ★ Aether

— ★ Scry: Solar Umbra + Aether + Modern AU — ★ Genre: Romance + Fluff — ★ Concept: That strange man... just who was he to you? Your mind speaks of a stranger, but your heart says differently. — ★ Words: 2.5k A/N: In the beginning, this was a normal kind of modern au, but listening to Taylor's song of the same name suddenly gave me a spark of something—then I incorporated a little theme that you dears will identify later, and boom! :'DD

If you knew you’d be wasting your night this way, you wouldn’t have come.

But then again—how could you not? It’s the second homecoming hosted by your university and you were sick during the first one, so you weren’t able to make it.

A lot of your friends have been insistently telling you to join this time around, so why not?

Dolled up in a pretty dress rarely taken out of your wardrobe and hair stylized nicely whilst not being over the top, you left home with a pep on each of your steps.

It had been going nicely.

The splendor of the venue lived up to everyone’s grand expectation, and those present did little in holding themselves back from capturing a sliver of how the night passed back when you were all struggling college students. Entertainment-wise, of course.

The event genuinely categorizes itself as one of the best moments in life, but that was rather fleeting—as all good things are.

For not even three hours into the party, half of your friends have to leave, their reasons being work-related or a sudden emergency that required their attention.

And now, the time isn’t even nine and yet—the last one of your friends is leaving, having to look after her sick sister.

“I’m really sorry, [Name],” Barbara bows her head one too many times as she stands up in a fuss, squeaking when her given silverware clatters to the navy carpet.

“I wish I can stay and accompany you for some more, but I really have to go. I’m so—”

“Ah-ah, don’t continue, just go.” You don't mean to sound so dry in urging her to hurry because you know how much she cares for her family, but you also can’t help the tone.

The disappointment is just too discernible that if you try sounding jolly, it’d flunk.

Catching the dismay on both your features and voice, Barbara lets this flustered sound that has you bobbing your throat in guilt. So, you ease your expression and send her a smile.

“It’s okay, really. We can just catch up some other time, no?”

“[Name]…”

You beam at her, doubling the size of your smile as if forcing yourself to display an emotion so counterfeit and believable that no one would even think it to be false.

Unfortunately, Barbara has been a longtime friend, so it’s easy to say that she knows that you are simply trying to be optimistic.

She sniffles and, in a speed of light, she picks up the silverware, places them on the table—and leans forward to clasp your hands in hers. “That’s a promise! I’ll make it up to you!”

Oh, this sweet person. How can you stay dispirited after such a moving oath?

It’s a little silly, given you’ve passed the age where childish promises exist—but this is a night to reminisce, no?

“Alright, alright, now go, Jean’s waiting.”

It takes her a couple of moments—her hesitance clearly taking part—but when she does, her smile is trembling. You don’t quite blame her, this is the first time you’ve seen each other in years and she’s leaving so soon.

But with a nod and a little shove, she gets moving and her mind clicks onto her current priority.

Waving you goodbye, the blonde scurries off, heading in the crowd with only her glimmering white frock telling you of her form getting farther and farther away.

Once you’re certain that she’s gone, you drop the heavy smile and sigh, looking down at your plate. Dinner and dessert have lost their spark.

Appetite waning, you simply tap the slice of [flavor] cake with your fork, no longer able to find the capability to take a bite even with the delicious-looking icing and décor.

There’s room for dessert—but you’re simply not up for it.

All of a sudden it seems like the already chilly venue has gotten even colder.

The music blasting in the speakers fades in the back of your head, the lights that flicker into a different hue with each passing minute becomes a messy blur, and you feel yourself shrinking.

You’ve always been the kind of person who keeps to your own circle of friends, withdrawing far from unneeded attention.

So everyone in the venue, regardless of being your batchmates, are merely familiar faces. Not people you’re close to.

Perhaps this is the universe’s way of mocking you for being too hopeful for a wonderful time? It sounds plausible.

Life has its way of bringing someone down right when they’re at the summit, after all, and you’re a victim like many others—but you suppose you can’t have a break from it.

You do not know how long you’ve stayed seated, but with the minuscule observation of how everyone has gotten rowdier and chaotic, the drinks are kicking in. It must’ve been hours.

In that span of time, you’ve miraculously emptied your dessert plate but stuck to sitting. Maybe it’s finally time to leave.

You sigh loudly—not like anyone is sober enough to notice your dismay—picking up your purse and leaving the table, all prior contentment gone.

The click-clack of your heels vanish in the musical cacophony played by the DJ. Getting to the only exit of the venue means you’ll have to go through the sea of chaos, and if you’re going to be honest, it sounds far from being pleasing.

But oh well—at least better times await you back home.

Tightening your grip on your purse lest you drop it on the dance floor, you exhale and trudge on. As expected, it’s a nightmare trying to walk your way through.

In fact, it’s a miracle that you haven’t fallen from the many times someone has bumped into you in the midst of their dancing.

“I’m here, wait, just trying to get throu—!”

You spoke too early.

Someone collides with your front, far too swiftly for you to maneuver out of and suddenly you are falling on your back.

The flashing lights do an incredible job of rendering your sight useless so you’re left flailing—attempting to latch onto something.

A hand seizes your arm before you can hit the floor, pulling a little too roughly and thus making you topple forward.

Nothing but the gasp that moves out of your lips can be heard—and only the electrifying zap is felt as you’re hurled onto your savior’s chest. The grip on your arm squeezes and—and there’s this jolt that adds up to the previous sensation.

All of a sudden your vision is milking with white and replaced with images of a grand room with masked, dancing people. The music vanishes, in its stead, whispers that feel awfully close to your ear.

“A lovely night to you,”

There is a picture of a smiling blond man kissing the back of your hand somewhere a little far from the waltzing group of nobles. In a golden ballroom with navy curtains.

“Your surname does not matter at this moment. Rivals our houses may be, tonight, we can speak merrily. As we wished.”

Although you are well aware that this—this imagery is a complete hoax and you are in a different place and time, it feels too surreal to pass it off as a hallucination.

It all melts away into another scene, one in which it plays in your entire perspective; hands clasped with the same man, laughing as you run through a labyrinth of green with the moon as your witness.

“The party was a little stifling, wasn’t it, lady [Name]?” his chuckle resonates in the center of the maze, where a grandiose gazebo stands and he invites you with a gentle tug.

“Don’t worry, here there are no prying eyes. Don’t be burdened, my lady.”

He turns—slowly, as if the sands of time decided to delay itself. Then there is burning in your chest, a stabbing kind of burn—then a sharp cry.

“[Name]—!”

A multitude of colors swarms all at once for the nth time, making a splatter of the image and messing with what’s supposed to be a picture of the man’s face.

You think you hear whispers and exclamations, but you’re being reeled back—into the present.

“Aether! There you are! You stopped speaking in the call so suddenly!”

With a single tick of the minute hand, the hand latching onto your arm disappears, and along with it, the scenes in your head. It’s as if the man’s pull has strung away all that you’ve been seeing and hearing.

Taking a gasp—as if you’ve breathed back into life—you look up and-

The man before you holds the same surprise as you do, unmoving as he is pulled away. He has his phone hovering over his ear, lips parted to gape.

His hair is the same shade as the one in your vision and his eyes—heavens, his eyes sparkle with a depth of gold, bearing wonder and the desire to know more.

That alone leads you to believe that he’s seen the same things as you did.

“My lady, to be subjected to this penalty…”

Your breath hitches and so does his.

“If you’re to bear the woe of this fate, then fear no longer,”

There is someone pulling him away from you and the crowd—someone… perhaps his sister? Still, your eyes do not leave his, and his does not leave yours.

“I will join you, my lady—in hopes that in our next life, fate will be merciful.”

The whispers stop and time resumes its normal pace. The dancefloor is once again booming, everyone is dancing to their hearts’ content—and you’re moving forward to- you don’t know, to reach for a stranger.

He seems to understand your intention and attempts to do the same, the bewildered eagerness in his eyes mirroring yours.

But in the chaos, you’re knocked away and so is he—until his outreached fingers can no longer be seen.

That was a night exactly four months ago and up until the present, it’s yet to leave the crevices of your mind.

It came and it went so abruptly that you’re left hanging, confused and flustered with a heart that paced in a way you didn’t know it was capable of until that meeting.

It’s almost a shame to say that a stranger—who infiltrated your headspace—has such a bizarre to make your heart race to the point that you stayed longer in the venue than necessary.

Looking for a man who couldn’t be found even when it was time to leave.

Slapping your cheeks, you begin walking across the crosswalk, not quite as concentrated as you’d prefer. Well, you’re focusing on something—or to be specific, someone—rather unhealthily.

Seriously, I should stop. You convince yourself after a dry swallow, fingers twitching in the pockets of your jacket. What use is thinking over someone I don’t know?

You think this, and yet—there is bitterness on your tongue. As if something deep within does not wish to let go under any circumstances.

You think this, and yet, your feet are leading you to the same place you’ve been frequenting in your free time—hoping to catch a glimpse of the same person who’s been plaguing your head twenty-four-seven.

It’s almost laughable.

Feet stopping in front of the venue—now hosting a wedding feast, you realize—you peer through the glass, captivated by the theme of the ceremony.

The same gold and navy accents appear identical to what you’ve seen in that dreamy haze sometime ago.

Everyone inside is having the time of their lives.

Pursing your lips with minute aversion, you resume walking, eyes downcast.

This is yet another day of futile hope.

But then, the approaching feet at your left, walking their own way to cross with yours, stops—and you feel compelled to pause. So you do.

And when you lift your stare, your heart picks up the pace as it did.

Four months ago.

Ah… was he also going here to visit? You think, feeling oddly warm.

He speaks first.

“Do I… know you from somewhere?”

Funny, it’s the same thing you wanted to ask him in the first place.

You look at him from head to toe, examining his sunlit hair and golden eyes, studying his entire appearance and endeavoring to liken it to those you’ve met and befriended. To no avail.

There is only one ‘place’ where you ‘met’ him.

“.. No, I don’t think so.” Is your response.

“I see. I thought as much.”

But that place is nothing more but a figment of your imagination, right?

He nods—his form of bidding adieu, maybe—and you return the gesture paired with a small wave, then you’re both crossing each other’s paths. Away to your own destinations.

You have gotten your answers and you know it to be true; you do not know one another, you’re simply strangers.

Strangers, and yet—why is it that with each step taken away, your feet get heavier?

Strangers, and yet—why is it that when you turn at a block, it feels like you’re turning your back on a once in a lifetime chance that won’t ever present itself again?

You don’t understand.

You don’t understand the pitter-patter of the urge to go back, nor the way your chest hollows at the prospect of leaving, and the manner in which your heart laments for a man you can’t even name.

But you’re spinning on your heel and sprinting down the road, anyway, making sure to yelp a quick apology to those you’ve bumped into.

And you keep running—and running and running until you’re back at the street you met him at and-

He’s there, right in front of you, drawing heavy breaths as if he’s done the same thing.

You both take a moment to catch your breaths, the eye contact feeling right and meant to be. You ask him first this time around.

“What’s your name… ?”

“Well hello, good sir, may I ask for your name?”

He stands up to his height, still strained from running, but eased enough to respond.

“Aether… it’s Aether. You?”

“And you, fair maiden?”

There are butterflies fluttering in your stomach the more he keeps his stare on your profile and you don’t know why, but it’s flustering. You cannot help but shy your gaze away at the intensity.

“[Name]..”

“What an enchanting day this is to have met you,”

“Listen-“

You both break into flushes of pink upon speaking at the same time, encouraging the other to continue with what they planned to say, but no one is giving in.

Breathing in and out, you start—

“If you’d like-“

—But your words clash with his again, and this time the two of you are erupting into goofy smiles. What little trace of awkwardness has then vanished.

You nod for him to continue, bringing your fingers across your lips to gesture that you’re sealing your mouth shut to avoid confusion. His expression softens—and your chest floods with warmth.

“This is sudden, but, if you want to…” the pinks on his cheeks turns red, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

“You flatter me, sir,”

You find yourself smiling as you reply, “Of course.”

“But I do agree, it’s quite enchanting to have met you, as well.”

a/n: yes, there was a tiny smudge of Romeo and Juliet. yes. yESSSS- AHH I hope you like this, requester anon!! There is also an Aether req that's a little similar in the reincarnation aspect but it'll be completely different in narrative! ;> @cherryflushz @scarlet-halos

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭'𝐬 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬

#m-event #aether x reader #genshin impact fluff #reader insert #female reader #genshin imagines #genshin fluff #aether fluff #genshin impact x reader #aether

[gendercensus]

On fae/faer pronouns and cultural appropriation

HOW IT STARTED

I had a handful, a very small handful but more than two, responses in the Gender Census feedback box telling me that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative. The reasons didn’t always agree, and the culture that was being appropriated wasn’t always the same, but here’s a selection of quotes:

“Fae pronouns are cultural appropriation and are harmful to use“ - UK, age 11-15

“I’m not a person who practices pagan holidays but, my understanding is that pronouns like fae/faeself are harmful because the fae are real to pagans and is like using Jesus/jesuself as pronouns“ - UK, age 11-15

“I know you've probably heard this a million times, so has everyone on the internet, but the ''mere existence''of the fae pronoun feels really uncomfortable for some of us. I'm personally not against neopronouns like xe/xim, er/em and the like, I am a pagan but apart from the, imo most important, reasoning of that pronoun being immensely disrespectful, I worry as an nb about people who banalize the usage of pronouns ''for fun'', and I'm quoting what some people have told me.“ - Spain, 16-20

“I don't agree with fae/deity pronouns just from a pagan perspective it's very disrespectful to the cultures they come from. Like Fae are a legit thing in many cultures and they hate with a fiery passion mortal humans calling themselves Fae to the point of harming/cursing the people who do it“ - USA, age 16-20

“only celtic people can use far/ faers otherwise it’s cultural appropriation, many celts have said this and told me this“ - USA, age 16-20

So that’s:

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❌ Someone who definitely isn’t pagan.

✅ Someone who is pagan.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

So, just to disclose some bias up-front, I am English so I’m not Celtic, but I do live in Wales so I am surrounded by Celts. The bit of Wales that I live in is so beautiful in such a way that when my French friend came to visit me she described it as féerique - like an enchanting, magical land, literally “fairylike” or thereabouts. Coincidentally I have also considered myself mostly pagan for over half of my life, and I can’t definitively claim whether or not the Fae are “part of paganism” because paganism is so diverse and pick’n’mix that it just doesn’t work that way.

To me the idea that fae/faer pronouns would be offensive or culturally appropriative sounds absurd. But also, I am powered by curiosity, and have been wrong enough times in my life that I wanted to approach this in a neutral way with an open mind. Perhaps what I find out can be helpful to some people.

So since we only have information from one person who is definitely directly affected by any cultural appropriation that may be happening, the first thing I wanted to do was get some information from ideally a large number of people who are in the cultures being appropriated, and see what they think.

~

WHAT I DID

First of all I put some polls up on Twitter and Mastodon. [Edit: Note that this post has been updated with results from closed polls.]

I specified that I wanted to hear from nonbinary Celts and pagans, just so that the voters would be familiar with fae/faer pronouns. I asked the questions in a neutral way, i.e. “How do you feel about...” with “good/neutral/bad” answer options, instead of something more leading like “Is this a load of rubbish?” or “are you super offended?” with “yes/no” options. I provided a “see results” option, so that the poll results wouldn’t be skewed as much by random people clicking any old answer to see the results. And I invited voters to express their opinions in replies.

Question #1: Nonbinary people of Celtic descent (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, the Isle of Man, and Brittany), how do you feel about non-Celtic people using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

Question #2: Nonbinary pagans, how do you feel about non-pagans using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

The Twitter polls got over 1,100 responses each, and the Mastodon polls got over 140 responses each. With a little bit of spreadsheetery I removed the “N/A” responses to reverse engineer the number of people voting for each option, combined those numbers, and recalculated percentages.

Obviously this approach is not in the least scientific, but thankfully the results were unambiguous enough and the samples were big enough that I feel comfortable drawing conclusions.

Celts on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-Celts (561 voters):

It's good - 42.5%

No strong feelings/other - 44.0%

It's bad - 13.5%

Pagans on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-pagans (468 voters):

It's good - 47.2%

No strong feelings/other - 39.5%

It's bad - 13.3%

Here’s how that looks as a graph:

The limitations of polls on these platforms means that we have no way to distinguish between people who have more complicated views (”other”) and people who have “no strong feelings”, so we can’t really draw conclusions there. If we stick to just the pure positive and pure negative:

Celts were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-Celts using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

Pagans were over three and a half times as likely to feel positive about non-pagans using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

So Celts and pagans are way more likely to feel actively good about someone’s fae/faer pronouns, even when that person is not a Celt/pagan. That’s some strong evidence against the idea that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative, right there.

~

CORRECTIONS

To be clear, I haven’t done any research about the roots of fae/faer or the origins of the Fae and related beings, but my goal here was to get a sense of what Celts and pagans think and feel, rather than what an historian or anthropologist would say.

On the anti side, here were the replies that suggested fae/faer either is or might be inappropriate:

“I only worry that not everyone understands the origin of the word outside of modernized ideas of fairies.“ - pagan

“As a vaguely spiritual Whatever (Ireland), I think a mortal using "fae" as a pronoun/to refer to themselves is asking for a malicious and inventive fairy curse (on them, their families and possibly anyone in their vicinity, going by the traditions). I have not heard of this term before, so this is an immediate reaction from no background bar my cultural knowledge of sidhe/fae/term as culturally appropriate. My general approach is people can identify themselves as they want.“ - Celtic

So we’ve got a pagan who’s wary that people who use fae/faer (and people in general) might not have a fully fleshed out idea of the Fae. And we’ve got a Celt who doesn’t mind people using fae/faer personally, but based on what they know of the Fae they wouldn’t be surprised if the Fae got mad about it. No outright opposition, but a little concern.

There were not a lot of replies on the pro side, but not because people weren’t into it, judging by the votes. There were a lot of “it’s more complicated than that” replies, many of which repeated others, so quotes won’t really work. Here’s a summary of the Celtic bits:

“Fae” is not a Celtic word, and Celts don’t use it. It is French, or Anglo-French.

“Fae” can refer to any number of stories/legends from a wide variety of cultures in Europe, not one cohesive concept.

There are many legends about fairy-like beings in Celtic mythologies, and there are many, many different names for them.

The Celts are not a monolith, they’re a broad selection of cultures with various languages and various mythologies.

And the pagan bits:

Paganism is not closed or exclusive in any way. It might actually be more open than anything else, as “pagan” is a sort of umbrella term for non-mainstream religions in some contexts. A closed culture would be a prerequisite for something to be considered “appropriated” from paganism.

From my own experience, pagans may or may not believe in the Fae, and within that group believers may or may not consider the Fae to be sacred and/or worthy of great respect. (I’ve certainly never met a pagan who worshipped the Fae, though I don’t doubt that some do.)

And then we get into the accusations. 🍿

“this issue wasn’t started by Celtic groups or by people who know much about Celtic fae. It was started primarily by anti-neopronoun exclusionist pagans on TikTok.“

“[I’m] literally Scottish [...] and it’s not appropriative in the least and honestly to suggest as such is massively invalidating towards actual acts of cultural appropriation and is therefore racist. Feel like if this was actually brought up it was either by some people who seriously got their wires crossed or people who are just concern trolling and trying to make fun of both neo-pronouns and of the concept of cultural appropriation and stir the pot in the process.“

“It wouldn't be the first time bigots falsly claim “it's appropriative from X marginalized group" to harass people they don't like, like they did with aspec people when they claimed "aspec" was stolen from autistic language (which was false, as many autistics said)“

“It's been a discussion in pagan circles recently ... People were very quick to use the discussion as an excuse to shit on nonbinary people.“

“I think it would be apropos to note that the word "faerie/fairy" has been a synonym for various queer identities for decades, too. The Radical Faeries are a good example.“ (So if anyone has the right to [re]claim it...)

A little healthy skepticism is often wise in online LGBTQ+ “discourse”, and some of these people are making some very strong claims, for which I’d love to see some evidence/sources/context. Some of it certainly sounds plausible.

~

HOW DID IT START?

I had a look on Twitter and the earliest claim I can find that fae/faer pronouns are cultural appropriation is from 18th February 2020, almost exactly one year ago today. Again, tweets are not the best medium for this, there was very little in the way of nuance or context. If anyone can find an older claim from Twitter or Tumblr or anywhere else online, please do send it my way.

I have no idea how to navigate TikTok because I’m a nonbinosaur. (I’m 34.) I did find some videos of teens and young adults apparently earnestly asserting that they were Celtic or pagan and the use of fae/faer pronouns was offensive, but the videos were very brief and provided nothing in the way of nuance or context. For example:

This one from October 2020 with 29k ❤️s, by someone who I assume is USian based on the word “mom”?

This one from December 2020, that says “I am pagan and i find it rather disrespectful. It’s like using god/godr or jesus/jesusr.” That’s probably what inspired the feedback box comment above that refers to hypothetical jesus/jesusr pronouns.

If anyone is able to find a particularly old or influential TikTok video about fae/faer pronouns being appropriative I’d really appreciate it, especially if it’s from a different age group or from not-the-USA, to give us a feel for how universal this is.

For context, fae pronouns were mentioned in the very first Gender Census back in May 2013, though you’ll have to take my word for it as the individual responses are not currently public. The word “fae” was mentioned in the pronoun question’s “other” textbox, and no other forms in the set were entered so we have no way of knowing for sure what that person’s full pronoun set actually is. This means the set may have been around for longer. The Nonbinary Wiki says that the pronoun set was created in October 2013, as “fae/vaer”, later than the first entry in the Gender Census, so I’ll be editing that wiki page later! If anyone has any examples of fae/faer pronouns in use before 2013 I would also be very interested to see that.

~

IN SUMMARY

Obviously I can’t speak for everyone, as the Twitter polls are not super scientific and they only surveyed a selection of Celts and pagans within a few degrees of separation of the Gender Census Twitter and Mastodon accounts, but I can certainly report on what I found.

For a more conclusive result, we’d need to take into account various demographics such as age, culture, location, religion, race/heritage, etc.

As far as I can tell based on fairly small samples of over 400 people per group, a minority of about 13% of Celtic and/or pagan people felt that use of fae/faer pronouns is appropriative.

A much higher number of people per group felt positive about people who are not Celts or pagans using fae/faer pronouns. The predominant view was:

It can’t be cultural appropriation from Celtic cultures because fairy-like beings are not unique to Celtic cultures and Celtic cultures don’t call them Fae.

It can’t be cultural appropriation from pagan cultures because paganism is not “closed” or exclusive in any way, it’s too broad and open.

~

If your experience of your gender(s) or lack thereof isn’t described or encompassed by the gender binary of “male OR female”, please do click here to take the Gender Census 2021 - it’s international and it closes no earlier than 10th March 2021!

#fae/faer #pronouns #neopronouns #cultural appropriation

[buckyownsmylife]

Diving Bell - Andy Barber smut

The one where Andy has been a patient librarian, but now that you’ve accepted his advances...

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, dubcon, (andy pushes the relationship into boundaries that weren’t previously consented), age gap, (reader is over eighteen and in college), semi-public sex, somewhat of an exhibitionism kink, oral (f), andy’s definitely dark but reader is generally into it, she just doesn’t know what “it” will be, dirty talk

Word count: 3k<

A/N:  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them, instead of on Thursdays, which are my usual one-shot posting days. Hope you guys like it!

Reader’s P.O.V.

My face burned and I wondered how I hadn’t spontaneously combusted from how hot I felt under the hot new librarian’s gaze. Sure, the girls had warned me about it - I’d hear so much about him, in fact, that I was sure I’d be disappointed when I actually did manage to meet him.

Boy, was I wrong.

He was the definition of daddy, luscious beard and hair just begging to be pulled and I could feel the burn his jaw would leave behind if he deposited kisses down my neck - or better yet, on the insides of my thighs - but he was at least twenty years older than me.

There was absolutely no way I’d ever catch his attention. Not when so many girls had tried to get in his pants - girls hotter than me - and had failed miserably, as I’d been told time and time again from the very same seductresses.

So I saw absolutely no point in trying. Although, one could very well admire, right? Also, fantasize couldn’t do any harm, not even to my extremely vulnerable pride. It’s not like I could control it, anyway.

But another thing I couldn’t control was his effect on me. The way my whole body warmed up when I felt his eyes on it, how I couldn’t immediately focus on his words whenever he addressed me.  I even stopped coming to the library to study because 1) I couldn’t concentrate with him around and 2) his presence had brought a whole new wave of first-time library users, and seeing as their interests weren’t on the actual books, they tended to be extremely loud.

Once essays started to get assigned though, there wasn’t much I could do. I had to get back to the library, and so I chose to go when it was already dark, hoping he wouldn’t pick up that shift, and knowing most frat girls would be at an impromptu Thursday-night party to celebrate (once again) the start of classes.

I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just throw a party for the sake of partying. Did they have to reuse the same excuse, over and over again? It’s not like anyone cared. I certainly didn’t, and the people who went for the free beer didn’t care about anything just as long as the alcohol kept flowing.

“What are you doing here?” His voice startled me, almost making me drop the pile of books I’d been gathering. Even though there was no way I’d confuse him with someone else, I still looked over my shoulder to make sure it was really him, that he was actually there, staring at me with those caring warm brown eyes.

“S-should I be anywhere else?” I tried to sass, even if my own voice gave me away. He chuckled though, extending a hand to help me with the load in my arms, and although I hesitated for a second, I ended up accepting his help. It was his job, after all. This couldn’t really be considered flirting, right?

“I don’t know. I’ve heard about this party tonight, figured you’d be there.” Frowning, I finally turned to stare at him directly in the eyes, almost immediately regretting my decision. Damn, he looked good.

“How do you know about the party?” I asked, and his lips immediately curled up, trying to contain a smile from stretching over his face.

“Some girls may or may not have invited me to meet them there.” Clicking my tongue, I decided to look back at the bookshelf, instead of paying him any more attention.

“Why? Are you jealous?” The question felt too much like something a fuckboy my age might ask me at a party, not a forty-year-old man who worked a full-time job. When I turned to look at him again, eyebrows raised high, he chuckled.

“Sorry, that’s not usually my style… I’m just at a loss of ways to get you to notice me, that’s all.” Well, now I was beyond shocked.

“Why do you want me to notice you?” I asked, utterly confused, but Andy just laughed, shaking his head at me like he was profoundly amused by my ways.

“I always notice when you’re around. Even worse, I always notice when you aren’t.” And then, as he looked around like he wanted to make sure other people wouldn’t hear him, he leaned over me and confessed, “It gets pretty lonely here without you.”

The accompanying wink almost gave me a heart attack. Stuttering out something even though I didn’t know what to say, I moved away from the bookshelf in search of the nearest table, finding it thankfully empty.

When I turned around to look for him again, he was right by my side.

“I don’t get it,” I managed to admit once my arms were book-free. “We’ve talked like twice. You helped me find books, I acted like a fool. You weren’t supposed to flirt with me, why aren’t you interested in the college girls who actually hit on you?”

He raised his eyebrows before frowning, hands deep in his pockets as he stared down at me in all of his height. “Have you ever considered… that I just don’t want them?”

The insinuation stirred something deep inside of me, leaving me flushed and overall a mess. Stumbling out an apology, I gathered my stuff and left as quickly as possible, determined to process what had happened that evening by myself, so it could actually feel real and I could decide what to do from then on.

But something changed ever since that evening. I stopped trying to run away from him and started to actively go to the library in the times I knew he was there, at first still avoiding him and looking away every time he caught me staring, silently grateful that he didn’t try to force me to open up to him.

His patience was rewarded when in a few weeks, I began to talk to him again. Asking him for book recommendations, never anything other than what was strictly related to his job, but the way his eyes glinted knowingly at me warned me that he did understand where my mind was at.

It didn’t take long for him to start flirting with me, and from then on, I slowly accepted his advances and even began to eagerly wait for them.

I smiled widely when I heard his low whistle, admiring the way he looked in that comfortable sweater as he put away the books he was holding to fully give me all of his attention.

“Well, don’t you look incredible?” He asked as I twirled so he could fully see the dress I’d put on just for him. “Did you dress up for me, pretty girl? Because I like to think that you did.”

Biting my lower lip, I tried to gather the courage I’d been trying to build up all week, before finally nodding and admitting, “Yes, I did.” From the stupefied look on his face, it didn’t seem like he was expecting that. Even worse, I wasn’t expecting the outcome of my little attempt to flirt back.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” And that was all the warning I got before his hands cradled my face and he took my mouth in his, kissing me breathless, leaving me aching and soaked when he finally released me.

I was panting by the time he let go of my lips, and he smiled softly at me as he brushed over my cheekbones, saying, “You know… if you ever need anything… You know I’m always here to help.”

Andy’s P.O.V.

“So, what brings you here tonight?” My own smile denounced just how much of her intentions I already knew, from how well I knew her. Her late-night visits to the library had become more and more frequent, and I couldn’t say that I hated it.

“I don’t know,” she feigned nonchalance, shrugging while perusing the bookshelves before looking back at me from over her shoulder. “The hot new librarian in charge of the night shift has told me he was always available to help me with anything I needed, and I’ve been needing a distraction.”

My chuckle was low, in order not to interrupt the few students still trying to finish whatever assignment they were working on, but she heard it. I watched as she shivered at the sound of my voice, prompting me to lick my lips at the powerful reaction I could so easily elicit from her.

“You didn’t use to be so blunt,” I teased, remembering how she used to come in here looking for me, only to run away at the last second. It was adorable. Ever since I started working at this university, it wasn’t unusual for college girls to come in groups and watch me from a distance, their giggles whenever I glanced at them unmistakable in the almost completely silent environment. Eventually, one or two would always break away from the group and try to flirt while their friends became a captive audience, but I was quick to shut them down.

They weren’t the one I wanted. She was standing in front of me now, pretending to be interested in a random book, biting her lower lip to keep a smile from spreading over her face. “Do you miss it?”

There was something undeniably attractive by her shyness back then, her inability to ask me for information or even sustain my gaze, but now that I knew what it was like to have her meet my eyes, now that I’d had the luxury of hearing her speak, of getting to know the intricacies of her mind, how could I miss what was, back then, a stranger?

“Not at all.” Her laughter, even subdued because of the place we were in, was enough to have my stomach doing backflips. I had to smile, instinctively getting closer to her, just like a moth, drawn to a flame. 

“I want to do dirty, dirty things to you,” I admitted, one hand on the back of her head as I pressed her against the bookshelf, my lips just over her ear as my beard undoubtedly tickled her neck. “Can’t very well protect my soul if I’m still thinking about you as an innocent little thing, now can I?”

Her eyes dropped down to my lips before meeting mine again, and just like that, I had all the authorization I needed to connect our lips and kiss her breathless. Humming in delight against her quiet neediness, her eagerness to open her lips, welcome my tongue with hers, I blindly moved us further towards the back of the library, relaxed in the knowledge that amongst taxidermia books no one would come to check on us.

Not that I cared all that much if they did.

“Hm… Want me, sweetheart?” I pressed, needing to hear her say it, taking sick pleasure in knowing this came from her, this was her own desire. She almost didn’t answer me, eyelids heavily pressing her eyes closed when our mouths parted, but in the absence of my touch on her, she jolted.

“Yeah, I do! I do, I do…” She insisted, pressing herself against me, feeling just how badly I wanted her too. It made her gasp, witnessing how hard she had made me - she didn’t know it yet, but it’d been this way ever since the first day.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” I whispered, just to see the way goosebumps took over her flesh while I got rid of her underwear, moving us towards an empty table where I could lay her out to take.

“No, I don’t want you to stop,” she moaned when she saw me leaning over to kiss between her legs, eyes still connected to hers until she closed them to throw her head back, overtaken by the sensation of my warm tongue slipping between her folds. It was better that way, she wouldn’t see the dangerous smirk that denounced that she would come to regret her words before I was done with her.

She tasted just as sweet as I always imagined her to. So wet already, it was clear she was desperate for me. The cock straining against my pants reminded me I couldn’t be too cocky about it - I wanted her just as badly.

“C’mon, honey…” I teased, dipping my tongue in her hole as my thumb frantically rubbed her tiny clit. “Give me more, I want more.” I needed her to cum before I could shove my cock into her. It was important.

The sudden tension of her thighs denounced the arrival of her orgasm, and where usually I’d love nothing more than to keep licking her, delighting myself with her taste and overstimulating her sweet body until she was crying, there was only so much I could take tonight.

“There you go,” I complimented when she easily succumbed to my directions, having turned her around and laid her with her stomach on the table, legs dangling off of it. “Want to feel me now, pretty girl? Want me to fill you now?”

Her answer was a whine as her hips searched for mine. She was offering herself to me, the innocent little thing. Didn’t know I’d take her regardless of it.

I had the instinct of slapping my hand over her mouth as I penetrated her, and so her moan came out muffled. I could still understand a breathless, “so good…” being uttered against my palm, and it only made me bite down on my lip harder, so my own sounds wouldn’t reverberate across the silent library.

It was a twisted kind of pleasure to hold her arms back as I fucked her roughly but as silently as possible, trying not to make the table squeak so it wouldn’t draw attention to us. Even though I didn’t particularly care if someone did find us - I wouldn’t stop fucking her if God himself tried to intervene -  I’d prefer to reach my goal without unwanted interferances.

So I was glad she didn’t seem to mind the fact that anyone could easily look our way and see us fucking. Had I really tempted her that much, that she would let me do whatever I wanted to her body, just as long as I fucked her?

Guess I was about to find out.

“Do you know how many times I masturbated in the back room, thinking about this sweet pussy?” I asked, voice raspy with desire as I kept jackhammering her as quietly as possible, but probably failing to do so in the midst of my arousal. “To think I finally have it now, wrapped around my dick…” My voice faltered as I realized all of my dreams were about to come true, right at that moment.

“Can’t wait to fuck my cum back into you, sweetheart. I’m gonna keep you so full from now on.” I felt her body tense underneath my fingers as she processed my words, but it was too late for her now. My hand still over her mouth, I stopped her from screaming or fighting me in any way.

“Just relax, honey. Doesn’t it feel so good?” I mocked, fucking her harder and harder as my control slipped from me. “It feels good for me, too. So now you’ll have to take it.”

Reaching around for her clit, I started rubbing it in quick little motions, desperate to feel her cunt clenching around me once more, milking my cum.

“C’mon, pretty girl. Cum again for me. Let me keep making you feel good as you do the same for me.” Her orgasm had her legs raising between mine, right when I started to spill inside of her, my eyes rolling to the back of my head. Once I was sure she wouldn’t scream, I took my hand away and pushed her back against the desk, massaging her ass eagerly, hoping it would take.

“You’ll look so good all round with my child.” Once I pulled my cock from her, I made sure to adjust her underwear so it would stop my cum from flowing, massaging the damp tissue with a smug expression.

She managed to turn around in my embrace, blinking confusedly, mouth opening and closing as if she couldn’t quite figure out what she wanted to say, and I cooed at her adorableness.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of you and the little one.” I rubbed my hand over where she would soon grow, licking my lips at the mental image of her pregnant. God, why did that make me so hard?

“You can trust me,” I assured her, pulling her closer to I could kiss her forehead, before adjusting her body so it rested on mine. I knew there were tears rolling down her cheeks, but it was just from her coming down from the adrenaline high. She wanted this. She just needed to be able to think clearly to see just how perfect this would be. “We’ll be so happy together.”

#tw dubcon #My 2k challenge #my fics #andy barber smut #librarian au #andy barber #smut #andy barber x reader #andy barber reader #andy barber reader insert #andy barber reader inserts #andy barber x y/n #andy barber x you

[youn9racha]

I Know (Part II)

Pairing: Changbinxfem!reader

Genre: smut

Warning: mild stalking, stripping, phone sex???, mutual masturbation, semi-exhibitionism, a tiny bit of corruption kink, and an even tinier praise kink, switch!changbin, switch!reader

Words: 2.8k

Extra Notes: like I’ve mentioned in the last part, everyone is above the age of 21 (think senior year of college age), so thats that. I’ve also noticed that the lyric is not that related to the story, but oh well :’) anyways, hope you enjoy this

And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…

PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST BEFORE THIS !!

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This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

—————————————————————————————————

Changbin’s calling me…

What in the world does he want to talk to me about in this ungodly hour? It wasn’t late, but it certainly wasn’t early enough for a call like this. I looked back at the window and I still see the curtains still closed, assuming he was out or maybe in another room. I answered and put the phone in my ear.

”Hello?”

“Hey, (y/n)! I just wanted to call to check up on you,” he said, “how are you?”

Damn, he only called for innocent intentions... Why is he so damn cute?! (y/n), you got two choices to respond back; you either respond give him a nice sweet response, or you give a sly yet friendly comeback. It can work—

“(y/n)?” The voice out of the phone took me out of my inner self’s debate.

“Yes! Yes! I am fine,” I said, embarrassed and mentally facepalming myself. This is not doing well, he already thinks I am a creep and a loser. Or maybe not, since its seems like I heard a faint chuckle and the word “cute,” followed by, but that could just be a figment of my imagination. “How are you?”

”Oh, I am good, just came back from hanging out with Chan and Han,“ changbin responded, there were shuffling in the background so he could be doing something while on the phone, but what is it? I wouldn’t know. I heard him and Chris mentioning a ‘Han’ in our conversation we had while preparing for my apartment, so that name is familiar, however the owner’s not. “You should meet him one day, I think you both will be good friends.”

”Woah there, you better take me to dinner first before I meet your friend,” I teased. Keep it going, (y/n), you’re on the right track, you’ve definitely caught him off guard, like you always do.

“Give me a place, time, and date, you’ll get that dinner, or maybe I’ll let Chris take you.” Changbin nonchalantly said, oozing confidence just by his voice. That bitch… Always makes it harder for me than it already is. As if he saw my blushing reaction, he began laughing.

“What’s wrong, princess? Cat’s got your tongue?” He said it in a low voice. Usually, I would gag if anyone—let alone a man—calls me princess, but with him, it felt different. It felt… arousing? No! No! (y/n), get a grip!

I rolled my eyes and laid on my back to be more comfortable, “What is it, Changbin?” I said, changing the subject, “What is that you wanted to call me at 10 p.m?” Yes, pretend like he didn’t just call you princess in the sexiest tone of voice you’ve ever heard. Totally would work.

”I told you, I just want to check up on you,“ he confessed but he also paused to say something further, “and also I am bored and I kinda felt like talking to you. I’m not wasting your time, aren’t I?” Although I couldn’t see him, he does however sound really sincere with his words. I don’t want to sound naive, but he sounded truthful.

“No,” I shook my head, “you really didn’t, besides I just got out the shower and was just scrolling through instagram.” I said, looking down in my nails.

”Oh, really?” He said, “were you going to sleep?”

”No, I stay on social media for a long period of time, I don’t sleep that easily“

”I see,” he said, but then he stopped talking. As the awkward silence has erupted between us, I started to think more about the first time I saw him and how I felt. While I thought it would be better for me to tell him later on and on person, but this balloon inside of me was getting bigger and bigger as guilt is inflating it. I sighed and started to speak, “Hey Changbin.”

”Yeah?”

“Can I confess you to something?”

”Tell me anything, doll, I’m all ears.”

Dammit! You’re not making it easier.

I bit my lips, “uhh,” I am glad he wasn’t looking at me, grimacing and slapping my head.

”You know hitting yourself isn’t gonna help,” as soon as Changbin uttered these words, my heart sank. My eyes widened as I got up and looked out window. His curtains were open, and it showcase a very, very pleasant show.

I see Changbin, sitting at the edge of his bed, facing me as his black shirt was fitting his form really well, especially with the semi-flexed arm that has his phone near his ears meanwhile the other arm was holding the elbow of the occupied arm. He was look at me straight at my eyes when we made eye contact, and fuck, was that an image to look at. As I looked like a deer going through a headlight, Changbin tilted his head in confusion, but he still had a smirk, “what is it you wanted to me?” he said through the phone.

”I-I“ I stuttered. At this point, I’ve lost all sense of dignity and my self thought, I am about to get called a creep by a good looking man I met not too long. Here goes nothing.

”I may have invaded your privacy,” I said, which caused Changbin to furrow his eyebrows in even more confusion, still having a slight smile to it. “What are you talking about?”

”Ugh, Changbin, I saw you half naked when apartment touring numerous times!” I yelled in frustration, as he kept pushing my button. I looked away, not bearing to look at him, as I closed my eyes out of guilt. “I understand if you don’t want to be friend, even though we met for only a week, but I just couldn’t bear the guilt that I—“

As I confessed, I heard a laugh coming put of the phone, I opened my eyes and looked at Changbin looking down, with shoulders shaking up and down. Now, I have the confused look that he had, “What’s funny?”

“Oh, princess, you have no idea,” He said, still looking down. Me still being bemused, he noticed my silence and looked up at my frowned face.

”I know…” He smirked, while my eyes were widened. Son of a bitch.

”W-wh-“

“I thought you knew that I’m doing all this on purpose, I’ve been trying to catch your attention every single way.” He leaned forward, placing both elbows in his knees, “I thought you were smart, only to be a gullible baby.” He whispered the last part, as I gulped at the last part. God damn, he’s so intense with his gaze. His eyes wandering all over me meanwhile maintaining a very dark yet exciting aura, which typically puts me off but now, I’ve never wanted to pounce a man so badly.

I smirked at him, the guilt I had had fizzled away, only to replace with arousal.

“So you’re not mad?” I looked at him, with innocent eyes, now laying on my side, facing him, as my robe slipped and exposed a part of my shoulder and the upper of my chest. He breathed in, as he was examining me, “no, why would I be mad at you?” He leaned back, as his head was thrown back, neck exposed, placing his free hand on the back of his neck.

God, is he so fine…

”I could never be mad at my precious baby.” He smiled a seductive smile at me, which made me riled up by rolling my eyes and looking up. “You like getting called that, don’t you?” He may have said it in a question form, but it didn’t feel like one, it was rather a statement than a question. “Hm,” I said, looking back at him, eyes half opened out of hunger for him.

We had an intense eye contact, where if it weren’t for the distant and the glass that is placed in front of us, we’d probably be all over each other.

”Has your hang out with Han and Chris worn you out?” I asked, decievingly innocent. Man, the power this man has over me is no joke. He scoffed, “so you’re just going to mention other men like that?”

Ignoring him, I got up, letting the towel that was loosely in my head fall onto my bed, and went closer to the window, “let me relieve you of your stress, if you don’t mind.” I shyly fidgeted on my robe belt. He looked at me up and down, licking his lips, “I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t as well.”

There’s nothing more sexier than mutual consent. (y/n), shut up, don’t ruin the moment.

I smiled and backed away from the window. I put my phone on speaker and put it on the side. I looked back at him, as I held onto my robe belt, he looked at me with a smile. I turned around with a slight sway on my hips, as I slowly undid my belt, slowly exposing my back at him, smiling as I heard a shuddering breath coming out of the phone.

As the robe completely fell off my body, being just in my underwear, exposing whatever secret flaws that has been hidden from the public. I silently gasp at the cool breeze as I held onto my chest, sensing my nipples getting hard. “Turn around for me, baby,” Changbin’s breathy voice echoed all over the room.

We may not be in the same room, and we maybe exposing ourselves to whoever is above and under us as well, but neither of us care. In our eyes, we only got each other, and we’re the only ones in existence.

I turned to him, letting go of my breasts and letting myself be bare, only to see him palming himself through his tight pants, groaning at his lack of full on skin-to-skin touch. It’s like he was waiting for me to tell him touch himself, which proved correct when he said, “please, let me touch myself.”

I smiled sympathetically, and also slightly astonishingly. I have never met a man with such switch like that. His dominating demeanor has faded and been replaced to a submissive cutie, which I obviously seem to admire very much. Pretending to thinking, I sat down, and looked at him, putting my hands behind me, “only if you give me a show too.”

I smirked at his state. He was disheveled, and adorned a beet tint all across his cheeks and nose. He looked beaten, but I loved it, and he does too. He put his phone on speaker too, quickly got up, and rapidly got his shirt.

“Ah ah!” I said, which caused him to freeze, looking at me, desparation was seeping through his eyes. Menacingly smiling, “slowly.”

Which he obeyed, surprisingly patient and sensual, I jokingly remarked that “he got dancer hips,” with the way he took off clothes while his hips moved in a way not many who can control their bodies can. He chuckle, “you should see how it works wonder,” his cocky attitude has made a comeback, which should piss me off but it made the whole thing hotter than it already is.

We’re both in our underwear, looking up at our eyes and looking down at each other’s half-nude bodies. Changbin wasn’t the tallest man I have ever met—not that it matters—, but he got many aspects that makes up for it, and its not just looks or personality. Just by the outline, I can tell that his little guy wasn’t little.

I propped myself with my elbows as I spread my legs, for him to see the wet spot that is stained in my underwear. He grunted at the sight, while I chuckle, “you like what you see?” I faux-innocently asked as I trailed my hand from my neck, making my head fall back, down to the valley of my chest, onto the waistband of my underwear.

“Fuck…” Changbin cursed, admiring the sight in front of him. He didn’t realize how lucky he was to see me in a state like this, not many have the privilege, especially not with men I met in a short amount of time.

I tugged my panties, took it off and exposed a part that he was dying to see, which caused him to gulp. He sighed with a smile, “god damn, (y/n),“ he shook his head in disbelie, “I’ve always thought you were gorgeous, but now I’m convinced you’re a goddess“

I giggle at his words, “and you, sir, are a demon disguised as a greek god” I teased back, tracing my two fingers around my lips, I noticed that he still was in his underwea. He still waited for my permission. How adorable.

”You can take off your underwear, Binnie” I didn’t even mean to give him the nickname, but I was too excited to even think straight. I looked at him, and saw him reveal his friend, and I gasped loudly, which made Changbin alert. “What? Whats wrong?”

”Nothing, its just,” I chuckle, “you have a nice dick.”

”Thank you,” He smirked as he sat down and looked at me, with full attention. I put my two fingers into my mouth, while maintaining eye contact. I then trailed my finger down to clit, which resulted in me letting out a blissful gasp. Meanwhile, Changbin was repositioning to a comfortable position as he began to touch himself, which caused him to let out a choked out groan.

”Binnie, as you touching yourself?” I half-whispered, but it was still loud enough for him hear along with my fingers movements that moved from my clit onto my slit, which made me moan.

”Ah-y-yes” Changbin groaned and nodded, as he was stroking his dick following the pace that I was going at.

After hearing Changbin’s groans, I began inserting my fingers at my slit, making me whimper in the process, “oh, fuck” I cursed, as I started to thrust my fingers in and out, noises coming out of my mouth along with the wetness of my pussy were getting louder, which excited Changbin, as his stroking was audible through the phone along with his beautiful groans.

“god, (y/n), if only I could touch you,” Changbin spoke through groans when he saw me fondling my breast and going faster. I was getting louder with my noises, in contrast of Changbin’s quite yet beautiful and audible noises. So much so, it sounds like Changbin was watching porn, rather than getting fucked at a distance.

“Ah-are-fuck-are you close?” Changbin asked through whines, his speech was getting difficult as he was getting closer to climax with his strokes going as fast as I was.

I nodded, out of struggle of speech, whining out, “Ah! Binnie!”

“Fuck, (y/n), I’m—“ Changbin grunted, as his strokes was started to get sloppy, he began to thrust onto his hands. I began to feel like something burning up in my stomach, moaning at the sensation, “Chang—I’m cummin— I’m cumming”

“Me too…” He choked on his words, as his groans and moans were also getting louder. Our phone voices combined was dirty but erotic, topped with the scene of two people masturbating to each other, now thats even a hotter view.

“Binnie!”

“Go ahead, baby... cum”

And just like that, I let out a squeal as I reached my peak, still playing with myself until I sensed an overstimulation. Not too long after, I was hearing a lot of grunt from the call and then I looked at Changbin, who ended up cumming onto his stomach, his chest raising up and down, letting himself catch his breath. Still out of breath, we both looked at each other, we both laughed at our fucked out state.

“Holy fuck, was that hot?” Changbin commented, taking the phone, putting it out of his speaker and back to his ear. I laughed at his sudden remark, nodding, “oh yeah, can’t wait to feel what you feel like,” I bit my lip.

”At least buy me dinner first,” He teased, referring to the remark I had at the time, which made me roll my eyes and him to chuckle. “You’re a dick,” I said.

”A big one, and a pretty one according to you,” He teased again. I started to jokingly groan at his words, causing him to laugh, “alright, alright, I’ll stop.”

I got up and picked the phone, looking at him, “I had fun, we should do this again,” him and I started exchanging a smile, this time it was more pure than the smiles we had earlier. He nodded, “for sure, but the next time is going to be in one of our beds, I really need to touch you.”

”The feeling is mutual.”

We began to talk a little more, until we both have felt that slumber was starting to sneak up onto our eyes. We both ultimately had to hang up, since we don’t want to raise our phone bills with our already long call. While facing away from the window, I couldn’t help but started admire Changbin in my head.

I typically hate men, but Changbin wasn’t just like any man.

He was Changbin, and I highly doubt that you’ll ever find a man like him.

#changbin fanfic #changbin scenarios #changbin smut #changbin imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfic #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #skz smut

[i-became-the-lady-of-the-blog]

They were hiding like they always did, staying in the corners, only ever greeting people and too nervous to make conversation. ‘The adorably shy queen’ the tabloids had named them. Shyness really wasn’t an issue, they loved meeting new people. But every time they even mentioned life outside the castle to another person, they could feel his cold, viridescent stare on them.

They were nothing but a doll, decor. Teenage girls wanted to be them, the boys found them cute. What a truly odd existence. Malleus had gone into the next room with some politician from the west. Having a banquet at political meetings had been his idea, giving them something to do while he worked.

A hand rested on their shoulder, they turned to see Leona Kingscholar. He looked the same, though a bit of rough stubble adorned his chin, he had new tattoos as well.

“We need to talk, herbivore”, the nickname that annoyed them to bits years ago now seemed like a call from heaven. A way out

An ally.

This is a sequel to this story

----

Before everything went to south, MC was a social butterfly. They would talk with anyone and find topic to converse easily but here they were. Too afraid to make a conversation with people to avoid making Malleus upset. They remember first time MC felt Malleus’ raw jealousy on their first year in Valley of Thorns. They were trying to cope with their abduction, to feel normal again and soothe their need to socialize with others. There were noble fae visitors on that day. Maleficent suggested drink tea on the balcony while she, Malleus and some of the nobles had a meeting. The remaining group went to the balcony, sitting on the chairs around the table. 

It was silent when the servants brought snacks for the group. MC thought the group hated them since they are a human so they didn’t utter a word. It was silent until one of the fae ladies spoke up and asked how they’ve been faring. MC was reluctant at first, fearing their judgment but as they spoke more, their confidence restored. It was not just the fae lady who initiated the conversation, the rest of the group were good people too. Talking with them soothed MC’s nerves, in fact, they craved to talk with them more. They were on the verge of a mental breakdown after being isolated for so very long, talking with them felt like a cure in that moment. They could not even recall the last time they laughed until that day. All was going well until he showed up. Their meeting ended earlier so he didn’t want to waste any time to be with MC, yet when he teleported, he saw MC talking and laughing with someone who isn’t him. He dismissed the guests politely before teleporting MC and himself to his- no their- bed chambers. 

Malleus was enraged that they were getting intimate with another even though it was just laughing and engaging in conversation. The sky darkened as Malleus expression was taking a dark turn. The sky was rumbling with thunder and lightening, as Malleus was taking slow and uncanny steps towards them, making MC flinch with every step. That day, MC felt Malleus’ true rage, true jealousy, true power... It was not uncommon for Malleus to take pleasure in their body regardless of MC’s wishes but that day, it was more than that. It caused MC to have nightmares over a year. Waking up because of a night terror and only to be soothed by the person who caused it was taking a toll on MC. But no one cared nor dared to stand up for them. That day MC learned not to talk with people when Malleus wasn’t around, how much cruel Malleus could get when he wishes and no one would bat an eye. That day MC decided to be obedient, to avoid more harm.

Now here MC was, greeting delegates from different countries and the nobles of Valley of Thorns briefly and making a small talk before moving on to the next person. No one managed to ask questions beyond daily talk and Valley of Thorns related queries. Their court and the delegates saw them as the Shy Queen, thinking that MC was still nervous to talk with people they didn’t know personally. The truth couldn’t be far from that. They just didn’t want to get punished for socializing nor feel that pain again.

MC needed a drink and compose themselves before moving on to the other guests. That was the plan until they saw something or more like someone. They had to take a second look since they didn’t think Malleus would be this bold to invite someone from the past, someone who knew who MC was before becoming Malleus’ prisoner- no spouse. Taking another look at the figure, the realization dawned upon them. It was Leona Kingscholar, the hot guy who was not even trying to be hot, the lion king of Savanaclaw, the person they and Grim kept awake all night for him to help fight the next dorm leader. Leona and MC were not close in the NRC but to see a familiar face...

MC just wanted to run and hug him tightly. They were about to do that but then Malleus came to their mind. Speak of the devil, he shall appear...

Malleus came soon after Leona spoke. MC wanted to explain the situation so it wouldn’t cause a problem but Malleus cut them off, pulling them over, kissing their hands affectionately, making a show in front of Leona.  MC recalled the rivalry between them. Leona was powerful but he was in the middle of Valley of Thorns, surrounded by powerful fae, Malleus, Lilia and Maleficent herself. He didn’t stand a chance. They didn’t want him to be harmed so they were eager to remove the reason of current conflict, themselves, from there but it was impossible for Malleus to just let them go. MC’s heart was racing, as if it would go out of her chest when Malleus forced them to eye contact. They thought a kiss on cheek would suffice but Malleus lifted their chip up before kissing them on the lips. If it wasn’t for the years of practice to stay still even while being violated, their knees would have given away. 

MC let out the breath they weren’t aware that they were holding. Everything was too much, the stress was getting to them but they couldn’t fail now and make Malleus think something happened between them and Leona. They saw a servant and ordered a drink. Before they could have some alone time, a noble approached them and started talking. MC was having a hard time to have the standard conversation as they has with the rest. They were feeling nauseous as the nobles kept talking but luckily the servant brought them a glass of campaign. Gulping the entire glass in one go, they got the attention of the nobles as they started to make unwanted comments. The alcohol made them relax just a tiny bit. Finally, MC was able to continue conversation. As it ended, they asked for another drink while going over to greet others.

After what seemed like an age, MC found an opening to take a break. They walked into the quieter corridor, hoping for some alone time. They didn’t get what they hoped for...

A hand rested on their shoulder, making them panic since they knew it was not how Malleus touched so this meant someone other than Malleus was touching them. They wanted to warn the person. They turned around to see Malleus’ possible victim, only to meet with Leona’s eyes. “We need to talk” He said firmly.

MC just wanted him to be okay so they couldn’t speak with him, ensuring Malleus’ wrath. They conjured up a smile as best as they could in that situation. “We have already talked, Prince Kingscholar. Now if you excuse me,” MC was going to walk around him and go back to the crowd - so much for relaxing.

“Lizard is in an important meeting along with grandma Lizard. The guards are not checking your every move all the time. They have intervals.” Leona stated casually. “This means we can talk, Herbivore.” He seemed determined to talk.

Mc knew they should have walked away but something in Leona’s voice made them trust his observation. “Be quick please, I don’t want to anger Mal- I mean, my husba- I- I-” They were having trouble with speaking with Leona without saying what went on behind the closed doors. 

“I don’t need to smell to know your nervousness, MC. Especially around the Lizard who is supposed to be your husband. Tell me what happened directly now.” Leona looked the same, though a bit of rough stubble adorned his chin, he had new tattoos as well. “Did you return home?” He was asking impossible questions.

MC gulped, recalling the day they lost everything. It pained them greatly to think about the day they thought they would see their family and friends again. “No...” They whispered, clenching their fists and burying their nails to their palm to not cry, yet they couldn’t prevent the quivering of their voice. “Dire Crowley told me to come over to the mirror room. He told me that he found a way to go home and wants me to check it out before going back completely.” They closed their eyes, it was as if reliving that dreadful moment. “My husba- Mal- no my husba... You-Know-Who was there with the old bat. I thought they wanted to see interdimensional travel for the first time but they had other plans.  You-Know-Who told Dire that he did a good job before he took me to Valley of Thorns with the old bat. I resisted at first but if you went through what I-” Their voice broke as they felt tears in their eyes, dropping to their cheeks. They wiped their cheek, “I answered your question, now please leave me be before some guard sees us together and reports to You-Know-Who. I accepted this is my life and I live this way now.”

“Not anymore,” Leona objected, MC could feel the anger behind these those words. “Your imprisonment ends today, you are coming with me, Herbivore.” He stated, ordering them around like when they were in the NRC.

In that moment, it seemed silly but hearing them from someone like Leona made them imagine how their life could have changed. Maybe this was their way out and he was their ally.

——

🍪 Anon I love your brain once again!

#twst #twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #malleus draconia #savanaclaw #diasomnia #warning: yandere #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #yandere malleus draconia #twst mc #twisted wonderland mc #mc/yuu

[melwilson]

Stuck With Me | D.H.

pairing: derek hale x reader

rating: fluff

warnings: none

a/n: it’s been so long since i wrote anything teen wolf related. i miss it. also, lowkey unedited...i apologize :)

You were sure you were losing it as you climbed the steps to Derek’s apartment. He was the last person you would go to for comfort, yet here you were longing for his warmth and the sweet smell of sandalwood that radiated off of him. You and Derek weren’t enemies, but you certainly weren’t friends either. You were just two people who tolerated each other. You didn’t speak to each other when you didn’t have to, found out how the other was doing through mutual friends. That was the extent of your relationship...if you could even call it that. In fact, most people were quick to believe that you two didn’t like each other. However, you hadn’t gotten close enough to determine whether or not you truly disliked the middle Hale sibling. Derek was closed off and reserved. He had a hard time opening up and trusting people and you didn’t blame him. If someone had set your house on fire and killed your entire family, you would feel the same. Which makes you question why you decided that coming to Derek’s was a good idea. 

By the time you had reached the door, your palms were sweaty and there was nervousness settling in the pit of your stomach. Before you had the chance to turn around, the door was pulled opened and you were met with a pair of green eyes. Derek wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t confused to see you on the other side of the threshold. You were the last person he was expecting to show up at his apartment unannounced on a Thursday evening.

“Y/n, hey,” Derek said, eyes raking over your frame. You were still dressed in your work clothes, jeans and black tee, a jacket tied around your waist. His attention was then drawn to the large suitcase that stood next to you and your eyes that were brimmed red, tears threatening to spill over. “Are you alright?” 

“Look, I, um,” you paused sniffling, “I know this is really late notice and we don’t really know each other, but this is the only place I could think of. And I could have stayed with Jenn, but she moved in with her boyfriend and Maggie just moved back home. Believe me when I say that I don’t want to be a bother. This was my last option and I get it if you say no because you need your space, but I really a need a place to stay. Um, temporarily. As soon as I get enough saved to get my own pla-”

“Y/n,” Derek interrupted, a look of concern adorning his features, “Why don’t you come inside and tell me what happened, yeah?” 

You took in a shaky breath, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, before nodding. Derek grabbed your suitcase and allowed you to step inside. The loft had more furniture than what you could remember. A couch, desk, table, and a few chairs now littered what used to be an empty living space. It smelled vaguely of freshwater and Derek’s sandalwood scent. Derek watched you with careful eyes as you sat down on the couch, hands wringing together. You reeked of anxiety and disappointment. Even if Derek wasn’t in tune with everyone else’s emotions, he’d still be able to tell. If it wasn’t the slouch in your posture and the way you let your head hang, it was definitely how fidgety you were. You were always so composed, it was hard for Derek to see you in such a vulnerable state. You always carried yourself with your head held high, a smirk tugging at your lips, eyes harboring that carefree glint. 

“Can I get you something? Water, tea, coffee?” 

“Water is fine,” you replied, taking Derek up on his offer. You took the cold water bottle from his hand as he sat down next to you. “Thanks.” 

He nodded, throwing his arm over the back of the couch, turning his body so he was facing you. “That frown doesn’t suit you. What’s going on?” 

You sighed, pushing a stray hair behind your ear. “A few weeks ago, my landlord told me that I needed to get caught up on rent or I was going to get evicted. I thought I was going to have all the money by this week but the company I work for is behind on production. When I went in today, I was told that I was getting laid off. I get my last my paycheck next week. To make things worse, when I got home, there was an eviction notice on my door. The landlord sold my apartment to someone else,” you shook your head, a wave of embarrassment washing over you. You couldn’t believe how pathetic you sounded. “I had no where else to go. I figured if I could stay here a few weeks to get things figured out, it would give me enough time to find a new job and place to stay.” 

“You can stay here as long as you need to, Y/n.” There wasn’t a hint of pity in Derek’s voice which you were thankful for. 

“Really? Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.” Derek could sense the relief, your body visibly relaxing. 

“Positive.”

The first few days, you spent tiptoeing around each other. You felt as if you were invading Derek’s space, which you were, and it was bothering him more than he let on. But in reality, Derek liked the company. You guys didn’t interact much, but he still enjoyed another presence in his home. It had been awhile since he had lived with someone else. Although, the feeling was foreign, he welcomed it. Your vanilla and lavender scent was beginning to mix in with his own and he liked it more than he would care to admit. He liked the calmness you brought. After coming home from wherever he had been off to, the first thing he would do was find you. He’d tell you that he was back, all while breathing in your strong scent. He dreamed of the day when he could hold you in his arms and bury his face in your neck. And the day came sooner than expected.

“I got the job,” you muttered, “Oh my gosh, I got the job. Derek!”

You could hear his heavy footsteps trailing up the stairs before he appeared in the doorway of the guest room. “What’s wrong?”

“I got the job!” An excited laugh fell from your lips, your arms throwing themselves over Derek’s shoulders before you could stop yourself. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder. You told him that you be starting the following day as a librarian’s assistant. It was a good temporary job, plus you a had a litany of books at your disposal. One of the few things that Derek knew about you was that you loved to read. You had such an appreciation for fine arts and literature. It was a rare, but admirable quality.

“Congratulations, Y/n.”

The next morning, you were gone before Derek woke up. However, on the kitchen counter there was a plate of breakfast and a note with your handwriting scribbled on it.

Hey, Der. Had to leave in a rush. Here’s breakfast. I’ll see you after my shift. I get off at 5. Do something fun while I’m gone. - Y/n

A small smile adorned Derek’s face as he put his food in the microwave. He read over the note again, his eyes lingering on the heart next to his name. His heart rate sped up a bit before he shook his head. Just because she wrote a heart next to your name doesn’t mean she likes you. This isn’t high school, Hale. Derek sighed, hopping onto the counter. Your infectious smile lingered at the back of his mind. Sometime in the two weeks you had been staying with him, you had gone from being just Y/n to Y/n. The girl who only wore gold jewelry and watched the sunset every night. The girl who’s laugh could somehow turn Derek’s bad day into a good day and whose proximity and intoxicating smell made his heart skip a beat. Derek had gone from barely knowing anything about you to wanting...longing to be around you. He desired to know every part of you, the good and the bad.

You were on cloud nine as you walked out of the library. Your first day had gone so well. The librarian you were assisting, Mrs. Smith, was so kind. Her eyes were warm, smile worn. She was a widow. Her husband died overseas, but according to her, he loved to read and would attend a book club every week while he was back in country. Though her story was heartbreaking, she carried no grief with her. She had a heart of gold and it was safe to say the two of you would be getting along just fine. You bounced down the stairs, mind running a mile a minute. You were so excited to get home and tell Derek about your day that you almost missed him leaning against the brick wall outside the library.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, walking over to him. He responded by pulling you into a tight hug, taking you by surprise. “Someone missed me.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, his voice muffled. Though you weren’t wrong. He did miss you. You had brought a new kind of life his loft that he never thought he would get to experience. It went from being just a loft...to a home. He hadn’t had a home since the fire. He had you to thank for the new found warmth.

“I’m serious though,” you said, pulling away. “Why are you here?”

Derek’s hands lingered on your waist not that you minded. “Well, it was your first day and I thought that I would come surprise you after. We can grab coffee or dinner or something to celebrate.”

A smile tugged at your lips as you watched the light blush cover Derek’s cheeks. “Sounds perfect.”

The two of you made the short walk over to Cassandra’s, hands brushing over each others. You muttered a ‘thank you’ as Derek held the door open for you. As soon as you stepped inside the small cafe, you were met with a wave of nostalgia. Your mom used to take you to the same cafe for muffins after school. You eyes traveled over to where the two of you would sit while she helped you with your homework. You missed the days when growing up seemed so far away, like age would never catch up to you. Days were simpler then.

“Well, well, look who it is?” a deep voice said in surprise. Derek’s eyes fell onto the man who’s arms were currently wrapped around your shoulders. He was a taller man with dark brown hair, tan skin, and a thick Latin American accent. You knew him as Manny. His mother, Cassandra, opened up the cafe when she moved to the states. She made a living for her family and Manny began running the cafe after she died. “How’ve you been, angel?”

You offered him smile walking up to the counter. “Good, actually. Sorry I haven’t stopped by in awhile.”

Manny shook his head. “You’re a busy woman, Y/n. What can I get you?”

“How about a vanilla latte for me, a black coffee for my friend here, and two muffins.” You pulled out your card, but Derek had already placed a twenty on the counter. You sighed glancing at the much larger man.

He simply shrugged and said, “You’ve had a long day. My treat.”

“I’ll bring out your order when it’s ready,” Manny said, winking at you.

You shook your head, a blush crawling up your neck. “You’re the best, Manny.”

“Anything for you, angel.”

“He’s nice,” Derek said as you found a place to sit. It was next to the window, the sun shinning on your faces. Derek understood why Manny called you ‘angel.’ You were glowing. Your face was free of a lot of makeup, just mascara, highlighter, and chapstick if he remembered correctly. But it wasn’t just that. You radiated positivity and happiness. Wherever you went people seemed to love you. You had this natural ability to put a smile on someone else’s face and make their day. Derek wondered why someone like you associated with someone like him. He was labeled as grumpy and closed off, though it was for good reason. He was the complete opposite of you. His presence usually pushed people away, yet yours was warm and inviting. Two polar opposite personalities, yet you complimented each other so well.

Manny watched from behind the counter as you two talked, smiles on both of your faces. There was a different kind of light in your eyes, a light he hadn’t seen since before your mother had died. This man, Derek, made you happy. Truly happy. He found himself chuckling as he watched you laugh. Your nose scrunched, the smile meeting your eyes. This was the Y/n he remembered and the one your mother longed for you to be.

--

“Derek? I’m home,” you said, your voice calling throughout the loft. You set down your bag on the kitchen counter and soon enough you heard Derek’s heavy footsteps.

“Hey,” he muttered, his arms wrapping around your shoulders. “How was work?”

You hummed, taking in the familiar sandalwood scent. “It was good.”

Derek pulled away his eyes furrowed in confusion. “What’s wrong?” You were usually quick to tell him about your day and the people you had met and the new book that you had picked up for him to read. Derek hated reading, but for you he would read every book that you placed in his hands.

“Nothing,” you shot back, hopping onto the counter.

“You’re lying,” Derek replied, his eyes narrowing on you. He could sense your nervousness, the slight skip of your heartbeat. He sighed, moving closer to you, hesitantly stepping in between your legs. “Talk to me, Y/n.”

You shied away at the proximity, fidgeting under Derek’s intense gaze. “I- I found another place.”

Your voice was so soft, Derek was sure he misheard you. “What?”

“I found another place. An apartment a couple miles from here. It’s affordable and I have enough saved to last me four months. By then my income should be steady.” There was a kind of disappointment laced in your voice. Like you didn’t want to move, but you had been invading Derek’s space for nearly two months now that the thought of leaving just didn’t seem right anymore.

“When are you going to tour?” Derek asked.

“Um, tomorrow,” you replied. “If I like it, I can sign the lease and move in as early as the end of this week.”

“I’ll come with-“

“I don’t wanna go,” you said abruptly.

“What?”

You swallowed hard, eyes wide at the confession that spilled from your lips. “When I asked for a place to stay a couple months ago, I wanted it to be temporary. I felt like a bother and honestly, it didn’t feel like home to me. But here I am two months later and I um, realized that yes, this place is home to me, but you are home too. I haven’t been in a place that felt like home to me since my mom died, but I think that’s because I couldn’t understand that home wasn’t a place where you go, it’s the people that you’re with. And truthfully, there’s no one I’d rather be with than you, Derek. But I get it, you know, if you think this is too much or if you would rather be alone. I just thought you should know.”

“Y/n.” You glanced up at Derek, eyebrows raised. “Cancel the tour.”

“Huh?”

Derek shook his head, his hands itching to find their place on your jean clad thighs. “I don’t want you to leave either...because truth is, the past two months with you have been the best two months of my life. I was so alone before you asked for a place to stay and now, there’s a new...I don’t know, warmth, I guess. I don’t really know how to explain it, but things are better when you’re around.”

Derek could hear the way your heartbeat began to speed up, the heat crawling up your neck. “Looks like you’re stuck with me then.”

His green eyes met yours and a small smile played on his lips. “I’m more than okay with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

—

taglist: @hellishseaqueen @agentpretoria @emiijemii

#derek hale #derek hale x reader #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf aesthetic #tyler hoechlin #derek hale imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fandom #teen wolf fanfiction

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader | breakup angst

Summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

Middle schooler Ushijima Wakatoshi was already more special than the kids around him. This, he was made to believe. It’s not exactly like it was wrong either. When a child is raised the way he was, with so much support that it’s suffocating, one can only grow to be good at what they were told they were meant to be doing. Volleyball as a toddler was meant for the happier times, a memory locked away as nothing but a feeling of nostalgia, never to be completely remembered again. Volleyball as a middle school player was an endless beginning, the very first point of a journey with no real possible end. Volleyball as one of the best among kids of his age, proven by the strength his high school team was known for and the fact that he was already on the world stage as well, could only ever spur him on to keep the momentum. Keep climbing, he would be reminded. Never stop. That’s how you reach the peak. Whether he would break after all that or rise to the very top was never even a matter of discussion. The way to the top was the only one there was. Looking back down and allowing himself to just freefall until the top becomes a distance almost crossed but never reached wasn’t ever an option. Wakatoshi could only ever aim for the very peak.

So, Wakatoshi, how’s volleyball as a pro?

The feeling of a dream-come-true that never was a dream, he might say. But him and sentimental descriptions simply didn’t really mix much. You were the one filled to the brim with those kinds of words. Maybe flowers laced the walls of your chest, maybe when God kicked Adam and Eve out of Eden, he left the garden to grow and flourish within your lungs, maybe you unknowingly raised every single Godly creation and so you were blessed with the power to create as well. You were full of flowery words, that’s what he knows. He would listen to every single one of them, count every petal, water every plant, kiss every one of them in their full bloom, and watch as sunlight filtered orange sets on all that you are. He’s always liked plants. But yours were his favourite.

So he wonders why the point where he could no longer listen to your words had to come. Why he looked at you and only felt the kind of fondness that comes with familiarity but not exactly love. Why the way your hands entwined with his no longer fills his chest with warmth. Why the abyss he spent trying to fill before you arrived (and made him realise maybe empty spaces were never meant to be filled to feel full but instead filled to feel warm) now feels extremely cold again. So maybe things like love do end. And maybe he made promises too soon.

So maybe when you told him about your mother and father and about how they made promises too but couldn’t come through, and when Wakatoshi thought you won’t ever be the same, he was wrong. Maybe one of them realised letting go when love no longer feels the same is better than letting their hands stay entwined when there’s only numbing coldness left to be felt. So maybe it’d do you better for him to let things end. From this point onwards, whatever he does will only ever hurt you. Because you crave the kind of affection that won’t ever end, and how he wish he could keep giving that to you, but he just no longer can. And staying with him who, for whatever fucked up reason the cosmos came up with, can no longer find the love he spent years sharing with you, is something he would never wish upon you.

This fucking hurts. How he fucking wants to keep loving you. What the hell happened?

After you left, Wakatoshi skipped training. He felt bad for eating the omelette when you cooked it to wish him luck. But he ate it anyway, wondering if he will ever see you again. And if so, will he feel find himself feeling the way he used to? And if yes, would you want that?

How do feelings work anyway?

--

You get to work right away. Still feeling heavy and hurt, sobbing at times, you keep collecting Wakatoshi’s things from your apartment. There were a lot. You were both comfortable with sharing your spaces with each other anytime you both wanted. Sometimes leaving things behind caused problems like that time Wakatoshi left his jersey in your apartment and only realized on the day of a game. You had to head to the gym earlier than you usually do, thankfully having washed the clothing a few days before. It’s actually there again, you find. His Schweiden Adler jersey in your closet among the pile of his other shirts and pyjamas. You put all that and other things into a box and close it up. For now, you’ll clean your place and get some sleep. You slept late last night and you woke up too early. Dealing with lack of sleep and the taxing feelings of ache after a breakup was too much. You were exhausted.

The moment you lie on your bed, you feel yourself falling asleep. And then you do. World gone.

You wake up at around lunch and take a short shower. You dress up, carry the box of Wakatoshi’s stuff, head out, lock your door, and go on your away to Tendou’s chocolate shop. You weren’t friends with him before you met Wakatoshi. So, you guess, maybe this will be the last you see him too. When people lose others, they either prefer to keep remembering or completely forget. For your sake, you’d rather be the latter.

Tendou’s shop isn’t close enough to the train station. You have to walk a few more minutes before you reach it. The box you’re carrying isn’t exactly heavy but you still feel sluggish even after that nap. You stop by a café to gather your wits and rest a bit. When you meet Tendou, you know he’ll greet you brightly. Toshi wouldn’t have told him that you broke up just yet. You realised long ago that unless asked by people, Toshi would rather not say anything most of the time. His silence was one you grew used to. Now you have to get used to not being around it anymore.

When you enter the chocolate shop, you see his red hair behind the counter right away. Quite the opposite of Wakatoshi, he’s lively and loud when he wants to be. Like right now, as he’s talking to a costumer, excitedly helping them choose one of the products they’re looking for. You wait until he’s done, just sending him a wave when he sees you, smiling. When the costumer leaves, you head for the counter and place the box you’ve been holding on top pf it.

Loudly, as you expected, he says, “hello! What brings you here? Haven’t seen you in like, three days, I think? You need anything? Where’s Wakatoshi-san? He’s not with you? Why?”

His barrage of questions won’t be left unanswered. But first, you nudge the box toward him. “Uhm, yeah, haven’t seen you in days. I… uhm, I’m here to ask you to do something. Related to Toshi-kun, of course, and well, why he’s… not, uhm, here…? With me?”

You stutter a lot mainly because you don’t exactly feel like announcing that Wakatoshi broke up with you. Tendou simply seems extremely excited to see you and even hopeful to see his best friend too but right now, you just feel like crying all over again It’s like you just can’t run out of tears. You just know that after this, you’ll go home and sob the rest of the day away. Breaking up with Wakatoshi hurt you a lot.

The redhead urges you on, concern beginning to appear on his face. What with the way you’re stuttering and fidgeting when you’re usually so comfortable around him and other people, it’s easy to tell that you’re not feeling too well. Clearly, something must have happened between you and Wakatoshi.

“So… we… kind of broke up…?” the lack of certainty in your voice makes it seem as though you’re still unsure if things really did end between you and the pro-athlete you’ve spent years with. But with the way Wakatoshi told you his reasons for breaking up last night, and how he didn’t want to keep hurting you because you’ve already talked to him about two other people who met and fell in love and did many things and yet still fell out of it but tried to hold on for too long that they ended up tearing each other down until even their daughter started to break with them until it’s just one tiny family with sharp shards for hearts, only capable of hurting each other and nothing more (some daughters grow up wanting to be anything but their mothers and fathers). Of course, Wakatoshi never mentioned that story, but you both knew that when he said he knows he can only really hurt you even more if he lets things run as they always did, he meant, we’re not your parents. We won’t tear each other down. If you go now, you’ll be okay enough to not be the person you’ll come to hate.

The only thing you allow Tendou to know is that you and Wakatoshi are no longer dating and that you’re both okay with it. You leave it at that, and when Tendou gives you a hug, the pain in your chest runs up your throat and you start crying again but that’s alright because Tendou reminds you that you’re sad and hurt and crying makes sense and crying helps and crying is fine and maybe crying makes it hurt a little bit less. He pats your back and says nothing after that, simply letting you calm down.

Before you leave, you purchase a few sweets because Tendou told u it’ll help. Chocolates and sadness work too well with each other.

–

The last time Wakatoshi remembers talking to you was around a year after your breakup. He and his team known to be one of the bests of Japan lost against the bests of Argentina in the Olympics. The world stage wasn't a strange new world to him and neither was loss, but for the first time in many years, the man found himself burdened by the weight of too many regrets.

He knew then that maybe it wasn't exactly losing against Argentina that made him feel this way. Maybe the emptiness he so desperately filled by pouring too much of his days into training and playing was finally there to break him. Maybe the whole time he was thinking he was getting there, not knowing where, only hoping to keep going because he just doesn't know where he can stop to lay his pieces down, he was only distracted enough to not miss the warmth you brought with you which you took with you when he broke your heart. And so when he lost that game, he questioned what could possibly keep him going. When does this journey end? Until when must he keep going? His parents never told him when he was younger. All this time, he only knew to keep forward. Now that he has won one too many games and finally lost one of the most important games he could play, he finds himself wondering if he should stop here now.

And because you knew him too much, you just had to, you know, be that rock that kept him steady even after he hurt you. He went and broke your heart for reasons he himself still cannot really explain, like how the fuck he knew he was no longer in love with you, and why the fuck is he still missing you, and is God playing with him right fucking now? So you just had to call him when he was all alone in his hotel room, mind messed up in so many ways. Your voice just to had to be there. To tell him, you did so well today. To be honest, I haven't watched much of your games recently but I felt like I just had to watch this one. And it was so awesome. It makes me wanna start watching you play again. You're amazing, Wakatoshi-kun. I'm so proud of you.

And then a year later, Wakatoshi finds out that you finally published the novel you’ve been working on since way before he met you. In the first message you sent him, you attached a picture of your book, saying, look at the name on the cover. are you proud of me yet? I am too<3. Better grab yourself a copy before there's none left, right? He couldn't say for sure why you decided to message him about it. It wasn't like you stayed in contact, both of you aware of how much you preferred not facing the past if you had the choice. That time after he lost against Tooru Oikawa's team in the Olympics and you gave him a call was because you're just that kind. You're just that amazing.

But like many things he'll never understand, he just lets this one be. So what if you told him about your book? He should be thankful enough that you even decided to tell him about it. So he goes and buys a copy and reads it as soon as he gets home. It's not like he's big on reading. But he just really likes your words.

Epilogue

...and if someday we find ourselves in a universe where soulmates are filled to the brim with not only stardust but also pure serendipity, I wonder what kind of mark we would have. I kinda wish it'd be that one where ink on my skin gets inked on yours too. Then maybe it'd be so much easier to tell you all the secrets I've been trying to keep. Like how I spent too many years regretting not succumbing in that green lake back home or how sometimes I bleed all over in red angry lines running down like red angry tears, and how much you made me just want to live because you just made me feel loved the most of all. Because maybe you were my finallyfinallyfinallyfinally before you were my whywhywhywhywhywhy.

The End

A/N

Hello. I deeply feel how flawed this fic is but that's fine. I'm still learning how to write stories because I've been writing prose more than anything else. So stories like this do kinda scare me. But I still hope you liked it and thank you so much for reading it!!!!

also, not proofread. it's p hard for me to reread my own works so im v sorry for any mistakes and stuff. if u find any mistakes and whatnot pls pls pls tell me. thats all i hope u enjoyed this v much shouldve stayed in the drafts fic. mwa!

taglist:

@lordmypantsaresocool

@annoyingpessimist

@ushijimacentral

#ushijima reader insert #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima fanfic #ushijima angst #hq ushijima #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu angst