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bbugyu · 4 years

Text

for you + yoon jeonghan

everyone in his life described you as his weakness, and he couldn’t even argue.

part one | part two

wc.10234 (LMAO) | fluff, smut, humor, etl/uni!au, ~new relationship stuff~, gender neutral pronouns for reader (but they have a pussy sorry), vague softdom/brattysub dynamics (guess who’s who!), there are - count em - 4 different sex scenes, more bff!gyu, filth, language, you know the drill, reader gets a lil tender, so does han, *sniffles* they just suit each other so well, please use condoms

this is where i admit that i wrote 20k of enemies to lovers garbage all based off a single line in falling for u, where they say they meant to drink a coffee with you but they accidentally chugged it bc theyre nervous. yup! all this mess for that one line! this is incredibly self indulgent and i apologize but also i don't because i needed this

visual culture was your new favorite class.

while there was absolutely no trouble making time to spend with jeonghan, your previous meditation time served as an allocated two hours every week where you could just sit and mess around with the boy you had growing affections for. the two of you would chat in hushed tones as the professor lectured, jeonghan’s fingertips tracing invisible patterns on your thigh as you diligently untangled his headphone cord for him, his thumb nails having been chewed too short to do it himself. he would bring you coffee on thursdays, when it was his only class of the day but your third and last. the caffeine was a well accepted afternoon pickmeup, and he never let you go after class without taking you out for lunch somewhere, claiming to be celebrating the end of your school day. then you might as well just come over to his apartment, he’d tell you. his place was closer than yours, he’d explain, swinging your hand in his. you didn’t wanna say goodbye yet, did you? afterall, the night’s still young, he’d tease, luring you with the promise of kisses between droopy eyed smiles.

jeonghan had become the complete opposite of your initial impression. he was sweet to you, genuinely, and if you liked him any less, you would say he was obsessed. you do say that, occasionally, when you’re hanging out with your friends and he texts you some purposefully cheesy line knowing it would make you roll your eyes, forcing you to mention him to your questioning friends, but you never truly meant it. you’d be a liar if you said every eye roll wasn’t just to cover up the faint feeling of butterflies in your gut. he always knew exactly how to make you want to see him, and you never hesitated to tell him when you did.

on one such day, when you had told him that if you went home you would need him to drive you into the woods and help you dig your roommate a clandestine grave, he stopped by your friend’s apartment after a shift, waiting dutifully by the door with his shoes still on and his hands shoved into his jean pockets as you searched the kitchen counter for your keys.

“serious, mingyu, what did you do with them? i know i left them next to the toaster.”

“i used your bottle opener, but i swear i put them on the coffee table,” he said, pushing back his hair as he looked around the small living room.

jeonghan watched you and mingyu tear apart the couch, trying to ignore the roommate that was leaning against the wall, eyeing him.

“where do you live?”

jeonghan blinked and looked at him. “uh, my apartment’s a couple streets over and a few-”

“roommates?” minghao watched as the older straightened his spine involuntarily, arms folded across his chest as he appraised his friend’s new chew toy.

“yeah, three,” he responded. minghao kept eyeing him. he fidgeted under the gaze, then coughed to clear his throat. for some reason unknown to even him, he said “they’re good people,” as though he was seeking some kind of approval.

minghao nodded slowly. “they act tough but they’re not. if you break their heart, i’ll break you.”

“what?”

“y/n,” he said, causing you to perk your head up from across the room while simultaneously clarifying. he lifted his hand and jangled your keys, holding them by the novelty hulk fist bottle opener. “found ‘em.”

“jesus christ, myungho, you had them the whole time?” you exhaled sharply, shoving a couch cushion back where it was meant to be. “don’t be a prick.”

you snagged the keys from him and shoved your feet into your shoes, taking the bag that jeonghan was holding for you.

“wo ai ni.”

you batted at minghao’s arm. “yeah, whatever. love you, too. see you guys later?”

mingyu threw up a peace sign from the couch, where he had promptly laid himself out after the search for keys had ceased, and minghao smiled as he waved you off and closed the door behind you.

you asked how work was, and jeonghan sighed, describing it shortly as work, but said he was glad it was over so that he could spend some time with you.

you giggled, knocking shoulders and slyly lacing your fingers between his. “cheesy.”

he gave you your favorite sideways smile, though he didn’t know it was your favorite, and you, again, ignored the flitting in your stomach that he always seemed to cause. “so, uh… myungho…”

you exhaled. “what did he say to you?”

“nothing, really,” he said quickly, knowing you would get mad at your friend if he told you the full truth. “i was just kind of curious if you two had ever, y'know…”

you looked at jeonghan. “you’re not jealous, are you?”

he looked back. “i don’t have reason to be, do i?”

“of course not,” you said, pulling your bag up on your shoulder. “i’ve kissed hao once, on a drunk dare, and we both agreed to never try it again. he’s like a brother.”

jeonghan nodded, thinking about the protective stance the tall lean man had taken when he tried (and maybe succeeded, though jeonghan would never admit it) to intimidate him. no matter the vibe he got, he trusted you, and he understood the intent - however, you made him want to do everything in his power to keep you happy, so he didn’t think this myungho character had much to worry about.

“oh my god, hannie,” you gripped his hand tighter, your other hand clutching his elbow. “look at that dog.”

he laughed and followed your gaze across the street to the pom that was nose up, walking beside its owner. “cute.”

“isn’t it?” you sighed. “god, i want a dog. i hate living in a dorm. i hate my roommate.”

“move out, then.”

“and go where? back to my parents’ place?”

he rolled his eyes. “into the apartment you practically live at anyways.”

“dumb, dumber, and dumbest?” you scoffed. “i would kill all three of them in under a week.”

jeonghan wondered which was which, then pushed the temptation to mention his idea of you living with him out of his brain. “sounds like you’re shit outta luck.”

you sighed, craning your neck to steal a look at the dog again. “i guess you’ll just have to get a dog for me.”

he smiled back, eyes lingering on your face even after your gaze went back to the scenery. “i have a question.”

you blinked at him. “yes?”

he watched a cloud for a second. “what do you call me?”

“hannie.”

he laughed. “i mean to your friends.”

you eyed him sideways. “are you trying to trick me into calling you my boyfriend?”

he eyed you back, a smile teasing his lips. “are you admitting that you call me your boyfriend?”

“what do you call me to your friends, then?”

“y/n.”

you rolled your eyes. “you’re the most annoying person i’ve ever met.”

“woooow,” he went, sighing and pulling his hand from yours to shove it in his pocket. “here i was thinking we were in a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.”

you giggled, tugging on his arm. “oh, shut up. we are. you call me by my name, and i call you by yours. that’s as mutually respectful as we can get.”

jeonghan rolled his eyes, but allowed you to pull his hand out of his pocket and put your fingers between his again. he had never been the type to hold hands in public, but with you it felt right. “whatever. it’s only been a month. i’ll break you eventually.”

you exhaled. “if you want me to tell people you’re my boyfriend, you just have to ask.”

“why would i want that?”

you pouted. “i dunno, i thought maybe you liked me or something.”

he squeezed your hand. “don’t flatter yourself.”

you laughed, forcing a smile onto jeonghan’s face, and he didn’t stop you when you changed the subject to the fact that mingyu had informed you that a dissected sheep brain looks a little too close to ssamgyeopsal for comfort.

one day, he told you that he thought you’d be different, back before you started dating. you were gentler than he imagined, despite your continued quick wit and sharp tongue. sweeter.

“i dunno,” he said, leaning back against the couch with your head in his lap. “in my head you would just be mean all the time.”

you didn’t take it as an insult. “the version of me you created in your head is no responsibility of mine.”

jeonghan thought you were beyond incredible. while his original judgement of you being rude, pretentious, and, well, mean hadn’t necessarily been wrong, he had found you to also be incredibly caring, thoughtful, and maybe the funniest person he had ever met. you would sigh about how broke you were that week, how you were sick of eating cup noodles, but you wouldn’t hesitate to spend the last of your budget on soju and kimbap for your friends on your walk to their apartment. you always picked up on his subtle mood changes - when he would press his hands to his temples as he tried to process his literature homework, your hand would sneak onto his thigh and squeeze his knee to remind him to let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, despite your eyes never leaving your own textbook. he swore he never saw jihoon laugh as hard as he did when you and mingyu went off on one of your stupid arguments that only best friends could have, especially after you called mingyu a “grey’s anatomy-worthy harassment claim waiting to happen.”

“seriously, why am i friends with you?” mingyu grabbed his drink from your hand and glared at you when he noticed how much lighter it was (you had said you didn’t want one but definitely stole more than one sip). “can anyone else stand this bitch?”

“i like them,” jeonghan said matter of factly, his chin in his hand and elbow on the table as he stared at you fondly.

mingyu rolled his eyes. “you don’t count, evil twin.”

jihoon had his back on the floor, hands on his face, still trying to recover from your grey’s anatomy joke, and mingyu’s twin comment only set him off again. you giggled as you watch him roll onto his side, and briefly looked around this new grouping you found yourself in, sat around the low table covered in takeout in jeonghan’s living room. “how come you call me every day, then, dr. hate-my-guts?”

“free therapy,” he said, not missing a beat as he shoved a massive spoonful of rice and meat into his mouth. jihoon coughed, and mingyu narrowly avoided laughing as he chewed.

“i don’t buy it,” jeonghan said, running a hand through his hair and leaning back on the other. he watched you steal from his plate. “i think you like y/n the same reason i do. they’re the first person that didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear just because you’re good looking.”

mingyu kept chewing as he stared at jeonghan, his almost tired gaze going to you before he spoke. “you guys are really made for each other, huh?”

you didn’t think it before, but everyone kept telling you two that, and it definitely served as a pretty good ego boost for the existing confidence in your newfound relationship. you, of course, enjoyed jeonghan’s company even more without the validating eye rolls and gagging noises from friends whenever one of you made some praising comment about the other. you thought he was funny when he was making scathing jokes at his friends’ expense, but you thought he was absolutely hilarious when he was muttering every stupid thought that popped into his head with the specific intention of making you laugh too loud as you laid with him in your bed, his hand rubbing your back, overly aware of the fact that your roommate was trying to study at their desk as you planted your hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

as more time passed, jeonghan found it increasingly annoying that you both shared bedrooms with other people, considering how easily you could tease him into a bothered red-eared state with just your words. times that the two of you had gotten yelled at by whoever had to witness to get a damn room, or whispers between drinks that turned into standing too closely at parties, catching each others lips teasingly. disappearing into a bedroom only to be interrupted before anything can happen by some combination of party-goers and friends that somehow always managed to ruin the mood for one or both of you in an extremely targeted way. you had managed to help each other get off, of course, and he loved the look of you sinking to your knees in a bathroom stall, gaze catching his while you unbuckled his belt, or the way you squirmed against him, stuck between a closet door and his hard place, your breath hitching as he dug his fingers deeper into you. both activities were satisfying in their own right, but it would never be enough for him.

then there was that frustrating time jihoon had walked in, catching you with your hand down jeonghan’s pants, and he would never forgive you for the way you hesitated to loosen your grip on him despite the interruption. those few seconds of sheer terror he had felt, making direct eye contact with his roommate with his dick hard and in a hand that wasn’t his, the only thing stopping you from continuing being his annoyed “can you let go, now?"

he had decided to get back at you, and he got the opportunity a week later, when he had woken up behind you in your bed with your laptop asking if you were still watching and your roommate sleeping only a meter or so away. his lips ghosting across your neck, rousing you from your shallow sleep just to find his hand gently squeezing your hip, running over your mound until you were begging him to slip it under your pajama shorts. he had to put his free hand over your mouth to keep you quiet as you melted under his touch, your toes curling against his shins as the string in you snapped, and you punched his chest when you finally rolled over and caught your breath for getting you so needy when you weren’t alone. he just giggled and looked at you, half lidded, then kissed you like he hadn’t just been muttering voyeuristic filth in your ear.

jihoon was going home for the weekend, and the second jeonghan had found out, he told you you weren’t allowed to make any plans and swapped his saturday shift with a coworker. you had laughed in his face when he told you he intended to keep you in bed the entire weekend, but part of you had been waiting just as much as he had.

on friday night, when the two of you were sitting on the couch watching some documentary that you could barely pay attention to, seungcheol asked again if you guys wanted to go to the bar with him and soonyoung.

"cheol, i swear to god,” jeonghan said, the arm over your shoulder stiffening as he pointed at his roommate. “if you ask one more time, we’re gonna fuck in your bed, and it will be messy.”

seungcheol groaned in disgust as you laughed. “fuck you, jeonghan. i was giving them an out.”

“sorry,” you said, your head leaning back against the arm. “i’ll try to get him to wash the sheets, but no promises.”

“you guys are so fucking gross,” seungcheol said, snatching his wallet off the counter and shoving it in his pocket as soonyoung came out from the bathroom. “we’re leaving before they jump each other. do you have everything? if you forgot something, we’re not coming back,” he said, pointing. “i’m not risking it.”

soonyoung patted all his pockets, nodded, then smiled and waved at you. “see you guys! use protection!”

“don’t take the sixth shot,” you warned, smiling and waving back. soonyoung laughed as he got shoved out the door by his roommate, and when it shut behind him, you felt a chill run up your spine for no good reason.

“we should probably wait a minute,” you said, turning back to jeonghan, who was already leaning into you and letting his gaze flicker unapologetically between your eyes and lips.

“or, and this is just a suggestion, we can decide that we’ve waited long enough and that if they come back after all of that they deserve to see whatever they see,” he pitched, his fingers already brushing against your jaw.

you blinked at him from only a breath away, his honeyed eyes putting a sweet taste in your mouth. you swallowed, your stomach feeling light suddenly. “or that.”

his lips were on yours as soon as the words left them, and your hand rose to grip the front of his shirt - one of the many plain shirts that seemed to rotate around the household. you fidgeted for a second, before deciding you were impatient and pulling away from him only to swing a leg over his and straddle his lap. he grinned at you, hands landing on your thighs, lips excitedly welcoming back yours.

you really enjoyed kissing jeonghan. he always started soft, gentle, with light caresses and reassurances of how beautiful he thought you were. though you never catch him applying any, you know he has a peach flavored lip balm hiding somewhere in his daily routine, and you tasted it on him as you dove a little deeper into him, his hands squeezing at your waist as your tongue dipped past his lips.

jeonghan also really enjoyed kissing you, which was both good and bad for him. good, of course, because you could happily trap him in liplock for hours, and he never got bored of your soft sighs and adoring touches and wanton noises. bad, though, because his enjoyment becomes incredibly obvious embarrassingly fast, and he wished he could wipe the smirk off your face as soon as you noticed, but he always found himself completely powerless against you when you decided there was something you wanted.

and so, jeonghan’s eyes flicked over your chest as you pulled off your shirt, tossing it to the side as you stood and spun around, planting your hands on his knees and spreading his thighs as you sat back directly on his already straining bulge.

“holy fuck,” he managed, fingers running over the soft fabric of your gray sweatpants before kneading at your ass. you wiggled against his grip before grinding down against him, satisfied by the reaction, loving how clearly you could feel him and the way he sucked in a breath. you made no effort to stifle the noise caused by feeling him against your already dampening core, even through far too many layers. he whipped of his shirt quickly, his hands running up your back, twisting over your waist and pulling your back against his chest. you felt his lips start at your shoulder, then a hand on your chest, then the other snaking down your stomach.

you chuckled lightly. “can’t take a lapdance?”

“from you?” his lips landed behind your ear. “absolutely not. you’ll make me cum, and i have other things i’d like to try first.”

you sighed, rolling your hips as deliberate fingers moved from your stomach to inner thigh. “ever the poet.”

he smirked against your neck. “try it again later. right now, you’re making me insane.”

“mm,” you agreed. “i’ll keep that bookmarked, then.”

“god, how are you this hot?” jeonghan almost laughed. “you’re so annoying, why are you so good at teasing me like this?”

you smirked as his hand ghosted over your core. “yoon jeonghan, you make it incredibly fun to tease you.”

“i refuse to believe that it’s my fault you’re this sexy,” he said, drinking in the way your head dropped to his shoulder and a moan fell from your lips as he ran a finger up your slit. even through fabric, he felt the arousal gathering at your core, making his cock jump against your ass. you smiled, a hand snaking against his scalp, tugging gently at the hair at the base of his skull as he bumped over your clit, his reactionary groan matching yours.

“baby,” you whispered, your breath hot against jeonghan’s lips. “please.”

he licked his lips, tongue almost brushing yours in the process, using his hand on your waist to grind himself against you. “please what, darling?”

“fingers, jeonghan,” you whimpered, arching your back against his chest slightly in hopes to get friction against him, but he stopped his grinding as you did. you huffed. “please, i need you.”

he nudged at your jaw, making you roll your head as he planted his lips on your neck. his fingers undid the drawstring of your sweats to comfortably push under the fabric, and he let out a sigh as he didn’t find another layer.

“you’re evil.”

you giggled, gasping as his fingers quickly ran through your wetness. “and it turns you on.”

you let out a prolonged moan as he pushed his middle finger into you easily, sucking the base of your neck between his teeth. you gripped him, nails surely leaving crescents against his neck as he groaned about how absurdly wet you were, and you said something about how he was in no position to tease when you could feel every time his dick throbbed against you. he asked if you were dirty enough to admit how long you hadn’t been wearing underwear, and he watched you lick your lips before you told him all day. he smirked when you brought your lips to his, moaning against him as he pushed a second finger into you.

his fingers curled deliciously against pressure points, making you gasp as you tightened around them. jeonghan watched your heavy eyelids as you tried to focus on him, he watched your chest rise and fall as it flushed. he brought his free hand up to pinch your already puckered nipple, your temple landing on his cheek in an attempt to hold yourself together.

“i can tell you’re close,” he teased, and you only whined in response, eyes squeezing shut as his palm rubbed at your clit with the gentle movement of his fingers curling in you. “are you gonna cum on my hand, darling?”

you nodded hurriedly, your fingers curling in his hair, then opened your eyes to find his. he smiled at you, which only made you feel as though your world was crumbling. your back arched against his chest again as you came, and he held you by your core as you squeezed at his fingers, lips leaving repeated kisses across your cheek and neck.

despite the orgasm, you couldn’t help but continue to grind down against jeonghan’s hand, and he indulged your neediness by pumping them into you again before slipping his fingers out of you and pushing you forwards. “wallet.”

you groaned, pushing your ass back against him, smiling at the way his hand tensed on your side. “no please?”

he stared at where you were rubbing against his length. “i’m either cumming in a condom or your ass. your choice.”

he gave you a smug look when you turned your head to giggle at him, but his face almost completely dropped when he realized you were considering it.

“okay,” you said. “condom. this time.”

jeonghan’s cock flinched against you again, to which you responded with a wiggle before pushing off him and walking to the kitchen to retrieve a foil packet from his wallet, leaving him staring after you dumbly. when you turned around to walk back towards him, he had shoved his pants over his knees, leaning back heavily as he stroked himself using the hand you had so graciously wet for him. you gulped involuntarily, suddenly aware of how much saliva was gathering around your tongue as you tore open the condom.

he watched you kneel between his knees, his hand stilling at the base of his cock as you lapped a wet line up the underside of it, tongue swirling over his head. he tasted like you, and you had to swallow again before you rolled the condom onto him. you stood, turning your back to him as you hooked your thumbs under the waistband of your sweats and leaned over slightly as you pushed the fabric over your ass. jeonghan’s hand tightened around himself involuntarily, his other going to feel you. squeeze your hip, pinch at the soft flesh. guide you down onto him as you braced yourself on his knee. you pulled at the underside of your thigh, spreading yourself wider as you sat back onto him, sighing as he stretched you out.

“fuck,” he choked out, both hands gripping at your waist to stop you from sinking more. “shit, you feel really good.”

you whined, rolling your hips back in need. “i’ll feel even better if you let me sit.”

he chuckled. “why do you think i stopped you?”

you looked over your shoulder. “two pump chump?”

jeonghan pulled you down onto him harshly, forcing a squeal out of you as you curled over yourself. it had been a long time since anything had been this deep, and you could already feel your release building with one touch of his head to your spot. “shut up.”

“shutting up,” you muttered, voice almost cracking when he held you still and rutted up into you.

“god, i can’t believe it took us this long,” he said, steadying you with his grip so you could roll your hips on his lap. “to get me in you.”

“m-maybe if your roommate ever went to cl-lass,” you stuttered, beyond pleased that you could finally relieve this frustration as you slowly bounced on his lap. “f-fuck, you feel better than i imagined.”

you could hear the grin on his face when he spoke again, running his fingers up your side. “have i been fucking you in your dreams, baby?”

“well, you sure - mf! - haven’t been fuh-hucking me in real li-” your sentence getting cut off by a whiney moan when his hips bumped up to meet yours. “god, fuck, jeonghan!”

he pulled himself off the couch, pressing his chest against your back. he pushed up into you, almost desperately, his teeth running across your shoulder as much as his lips did. you gasped, leaning back into him, spreading your legs until your knees hooked on the outside of his, his unrelenting fingers finding your clit, just to make you beg as he pumped in and out of you.

“please what, baby?” he asked sweetly, despite the hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and the way his eyebrows knit together.

“p-please, can i cum again?”

jeonghan groaned, almost taken aback by your complete switch in attitude. while he knew you liked it when he tried to take control, he had never seen you go down without a fight. “who knew all you needed to stop being such a brat was my cock?”

“p-please, h-hannie…” you whimpered, and he could feel your walls constricting around him. “please, i wanna cum.”

desperation became obvious in his own hips, just by taking in your face. he had gone into this with every intention of milking you of everything you had, but he was man enough to admit that your begging made him too close to cumming to stop. “get my dick wet, darling.”

your mouth gaped in a silent cry as you crumpled into his chest, your legs twitching inwards as he moved his hands to your hips and continued thrusting up into you, your walls squeezing him tight until he let out a low groan, slowing his movement until he eventually stilled completely.

the two of you stayed there, a sweaty, entangled mess on the couch, both just trying to catch your breath.

“fuck,” you said finally, and jeonghan thought he couldn’t have said it better himself.

after two packets of slightly overcooked ramen, a conversation about how leaving a used condom on cheol’s bed would not be a funny prank, and a generous spray of febreze fabric refresher, jeonghan watched proudly as you walked with a slight unintentional wobble towards his bedroom, assuring you he’d be right there as he rinsed out your bowls in the sink.

when he did finally join you, you were laying on his bed with your phone to your ear, and he crawled up over you as you giggled into the phone, knees spreading to accommodate. “hannie’s. i told you, i’m staying here for the weekend.”

jeonghan could hear mingyu’s voice on the other end, saying something about how he thought it was next weekend for some reason and that getting laid would be good for you, but he just smiled as he kissed at your neck, your free arm settling around him comfortably.

“why are you calling this late?” you asked, looking over at jeonghan’s bedside to confirm the time. “are you guys going out?”

“yeah, of course. rockbox in an hour. you guys in?”

you tipped your head to the side as jeonghan continued his gentle kisses up your neck, hands running up under your shirt, making you sigh softly. “nah, we have plans. cheol and soonyoung are there, though.”

“okay, no worries,” mingyu said, then paused. jeonghan took the opportunity to bite just below your jaw, gently rolling his hips between your thighs to make you aware of what he was thinking. “are you busy right now, or can you talk?”

a pang of guilt ran through you as you held your breath, trying to not audibly react to the movement against you. you hadn’t been able to sit and chat with your best friend in way too long. “i’m, uh, a little busy? maybe we could get lunch tomorrow?”

jeonghan pulled back and glared at you, a stark reminder that he had asked you to not make plans, but you just put a finger to his pouting lips.

“as long as it’s after noon, i’m down.”

“okay,” you said, brushing your fingers across jeonghan’s cheek and pushing his hair behind an ear. “one? two? stew?”

“one’s good,” mingyu said, his voice sing songy. “okay, i’m gonna get ready. have fun! use protection.”

you rolled your eyes. “everyone keeps saying that.”

“yeah, because you guys are crazy and no one wants to risk it.”

after your byes, you hung up and looked at jeonghan, who was still staring at you with disdain. you sighed. “it’s just lunch.”

“i said no plans,” he reminded you, pouting. “now we have to go get lunch with mingyu when i could be fucking you stupid in my roommateless bedroom.”

“no we don’t,” you said, running your hands through his hair. “i have to get lunch with mingyu. you can do whatever you want.”

“oh, so i’m not even invited?” his eyebrows raised at you. “you do realize i switched a shift so i could spend all day with you, right?”

you giggled. “hannie, i would love to spend all day with you, but i haven’t sat and gotten lunch with mingyu in a month. i miss my best friend.”

he groaned, burying his face in your neck. “stop making sense, i’m trying to be mad at you.”

“you can still be mad,” you said, your fingers softly massaging against the back of his neck. “i like it when you think you’re punishing me.”

he groaned again, hating how you could so easily say the perfect thing to make him forget about anything else. “you’re evil.”

you giggled. “and it turns you on.”

he adjusted against you, trying to ignore his increasing arousal despite his original intentions. “sometimes, you seem like my own personal demon.”

“oh, fun,” you vocalised, brushing your fingers knowingly through the hair behind his ear, triggering a huff as you hit your favorite soft spot of his. “two demons trying to torture each other.”

he laughed as he raised his head, propping it up with a hand. “would you consider this torture?”

“maybe for normal people,” you said, sneaking a kiss onto his lips. “but we’re demons, remember? this is fun for us.”

his lips pouted, less to make a point and more because it was their comfortable, natural state after your lips leave. “i think i like you a lot.”

your face burned. it wasn’t the first time he had said something to that effect, but it made your chest feel funny nonetheless. “that’s reassuring.”

“i’m serious,” he said. “i really like you. and i don’t like people.”

you smiled softly. “i like you, too, yoon jeonghan.”

he adjusted his elbows on either side of you. “i want to be your boyfriend.”

you stared at him. “nah.”

“aye,” he cocked his head, making you laugh. “you said all i had to do was ask!”

“i’m kidding,” you said, putting your hands on either side of his face, pushing his cheeks in. “do you want to meet my parents, too?”

he looked at the wall behind his bed. “maybe that can wait.”

giggling, you pulled him into a kiss. “okay, boyfriend.”

the smile on his lips lingered as you kissed him, and he decided it was time to make sure everyone knew you were officially taken.

“you could have worn a scarf.”

you rolled your eyes, pulling the hood of the sweatshirt you stole from jeonghan’s in an attempt to hide the purple marks on your neck over your head. “it’s not my fault he tried to kill me,” you said, tugging on the drawstrings. “how was rockbox?”

“good,” mingyu said, leaning back. “weird. vernon ended up on stage.”

you almost choked on your water. “and i missed it?”

he laughed, then pulled out his phone to show you a video. “seungkwan made him do the features on a beyoncé song. he killed it, though.”

you watched the shaky vertical video of vernon on stage with a boy you knew but never really spoke to, watching in disbelief and laughing at mingyu’s hollering in the background. “wow. bey seungkwan and jay-v. that’s pretty legendary. i can’t believe i wasn’t there.”

mingyu laughed, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “how was your night? productive, obviously,” he said, gesturing to your neck.

“good,” you said reflexively, then exhaled as you looked at your best friend. “like, really good.”

“okay, spare the details, but like,” mingyu tipped his head and looked at you through his lashes. “good good?”

“mingyu, you know i would never say this lightly,” you put your hands on the table. “the best. seriously. man has a surprising amount of stamina for how much he naps.”

“damn,” he sighed and looked away from you. “y'know, that makes sense. i’ve always heard he was good in bed, and you two have some insane chemistry.”

you spotted the waiter coming, and before they were in earshot, you hurriedly said “plus his dick is huge.”

“oh, my god,” mingyu reeled back, then realized what you had done as the waiter put side dishes on your table. as soon as they left, he glared at you. “why are you like this.”

you grinned. “you were curious, though, right?”

he squinted at you. “doesn’t mean you should just offer up the info.”

“when’s the last time i slept with someone?” you asked. “like, really. it’s been, like, almost a year since i hooked up with rubin.”

his brows ruffled as he thought. “damn, is that true? has it really been that long?”

“let me brag,” you pleaded. “please? he’s so hot, i’m gonna lose my mind if you don’t let me talk about it.”

“i don’t know if i can be friends with you anymore.”

“dude, he spit in my mouth this morning.”

“oh-kay, so you’re buying lunch,” mingyu said, sitting up suddenly. “damn, this morning? have you guys just been going at it like rabbits?”

“i don’t wanna hear it,” you said, pointing at him. “you had to tell me about every guy you hooked up with during your 'hoe-liday’ last winter, you can listen to me talk about a guy i’ve been seeing for almost two months.”

“fair enough,” he laughed. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you like this.”

you groaned, sinking your head to the table. “it sucks.”

he stared at you. “oh my god, his dick made you fall in love.”

“shut up,” you said, lifting your head to land your chin on the table, curling a paper napkin over your spoon. you pouted as you tried to come up with an argument, but failed. “he’s sweet.”

“he’s mean,” mingyu corrected. “but he’s sweet to you.

"and dogs,” you defended. “and kids.”

“oh, so he’s husband material all of a sudden?”

you shrugged. “i’ve dated people much less likeable than yoon jeonghan.”

mingyu sighed, eating some kimchi. “that’s true. we both have.”

“yeah, so stop making fun of me, asshole,” your eyebrows creased as you leaned back and crossed your arms. “try being happy for me for a change. didn’t you want this all along? trying to get me to ask him out?”

“i am happy for you,” mingyu said, showing some genuinity as he laughed, also leaning back as your food arrived. “you just make it really hard sometimes.”

mingyu had the courtesy of dropping you off back at jeonghan’s so he didn’t have to borrow seungcheol’s car to come get you, and as he pulled up to the familiar apartment building, he gave you his usual “say hi to your boyfriend for me,” as he put it in park, quickly checking his phone.

instead of your normal “not my boyfriend,” you looked over at your best friend and bit your cheek. “sure.”

mingyu’s neck nearly snapped to look at you. “wait, what?”

you giggled. “sure, i’ll say hi for you.”

“did you-” he started, then stuttered, trying to figure out what he was asking. “are you guys, like-”

“he asked,” you said shrugging. “i said yes.”

a grin spread across his face. “really?”

“well, actually, i said no. then i said okay.”

mingyu laughed. “yeah that sounds right. wow, y/n got a boyfriend.”

you rolled your eyes, pulling the hood further over your head to hide your involuntarily hot ears as you adjusted to open the car door. “bye, goo.”

“this is my best friend,” he said loudly, making you stare at him with wide eyes as some innocent bystander walked past the car, all while you tried to pull yourself out of the door. “beautiful, right? sorry though, they’re taken, i’m dropping them off to see their brand new boyfriend.”

“you’re embarrassing,” you said, pointing an annoyed finger, grateful the person only looked back once before continuing. “go home.”

“you have done ten times worse to me,” mingyu said, grinning from ear to ear. “have fun with the pretentious asshole that can’t make an americano right, yoon jeonghan!”

that made you laugh despite yourself, and you shot him several expletives before slamming his door shut and running up the stairs.

after punching in the door code that no one had told you but you had seen enough times to know, you announced that you had returned. seeing jihoon’s chair empty on a saturday was strange, but at least seungcheol and soonyoung were up to their usual antics of playing some game extremely poorly.

you stood and watched the screen for a moment. “you know you can catch the arrows, right?”

soonyoung looked at you. “you can catch the arrows?”

seungcheol groaned. “why would you tell him that? i’m actually winning for once!”

you giggled. “if you dodge when the arrows are coming, you catch them.”

“you can dodge?”

from the other room, you heard a muted “hurry up,” and you saluted to the boys as they argued, following your cue to exit the situation.

jeonghan was on his bed when you shut the door behind you. “what are they yelling about?”

you sighed as you walked over to him. “apparently soonyoung didn’t know you could dodge in towerfall.”

he watched you pull off the sweatshirt - the same one he had worn on your first kinda date - to admire the marks he had left on you, then blinked when he realized what you had said. “we play that game all the time, how did he not know?”

you shrugged, then crawled into his waiting arms. “he’s not very observant.”

you sighed as you settled against jeonghan, and he kissed the top of your head. “how was lunch?”

“good,” you said, smiling. “gyu is good. it was nice to catch up.”

jeonghan clicked his tongue. “you guys talk every day.”

“okay, yeah, but,” you adjusted to look at him. “talking on the phone and hanging out with other people is different. we can’t talk about the same stuff.”

“well, what’d you talk about?”

you smiled. “wouldn’t you like to know?”

he squinted at you. “aren’t we supposed to be a team now? no secrets?”

“okay,” you said, fixing his bangs. “what were you and seungcheol talking about in his room yesterday before i got here?”

jeonghan couldn’t help the tiny smile that worked its way into his face. “did soonyoung tell you?”

“i would never reveal my source,” you said triumphantly, knowing it couldn’t have been anyone else, considering jihoon had already left. “also, he was pissed that you kicked him out while he was still sleeping.”

“if i could have just dragged cheol into my room, i would have,” he sighed. “trust me. i can pull soonyoung out of bed, but seungcheol is dense.”

you inspected his lips a moment. “were you talking about me?”

“uh,” jeonghan adjusted under you, putting a hand behind his head. “no, not really. soonyoung got a job, and me and cheol are both working more now. i wanted to talk about getting a bigger place, since our lease ends in the summer.”

you vocalised excitedly. “does this mean you’d get your own room?”

“that’s the idea, yeah,” he said, grinning. “you could stay over more.” and while he hadn’t lied - they had discussed larger apartment options, and decided to start looking by the end of the month - he failed to mention that the main purpose of him isolating seungcheol was to confirm he was crazy for wanting you to join them if they did move.

“i mean,” cheol had said, barely propping himself up in bed. “it might be a bit too early to tell, but you guys seem like the real deal.”

jeonghan spun in soonyoung’s desk chair, arms crossed. “but i’m insane, right? like, we haven’t even slept together.”

“they’re coming over for the weekend, yeah?”

“yeah.”

“so let’s talk about it again on monday?”

jeonghan kneaded at his jaw, exhaling. “yeah, okay.”

now, you had slept together. not only that, but you slept together, all night, in the same bed, and jeonghan woke up with jumbled poetry in his head when he found you curled up by his side. despite living in this apartment for nearly a year, it felt most like home with you in it.

and he had told seungcheol, when he got home from dropping you off for lunch, that he was pretty damn sure he wanted to wake up like that every morning.

he wondered how you would react, if you would want to take the leap and move in with him. part of him felt as though he was taking advantage of your situation for his own selfish want to have you around all the time - you would do literally anything to avoid being in a dorm next year, but your housing budget wouldn’t accommodate for anything more than a goshiwon. while that wasn’t the worst option, you always talked about how much you missed living in a normal space, with a stove. a full sized fridge. a real bathroom, instead of a cramped wetroom. if he were to ask you to live with him, you would likely say yes, but would that put too much strain on your relationship too early? or would you think he was moving too fast and say no? his mind whirred silently as you buried your face in his neck.

“what’s on your mind?”

jeonghan blinked. “nothing.”

“liar.”

he sighed. “you.”

you lifted your head. “am i what’s making your heart beat so fast?”

he hadn’t even realized his pulse had quickened. he swallowed, briefly wondering if he would ever be able to truly hide anything from you. “maybe. what did you and mingyu talk about?”

you laughed. “i was hoping you would forget.”

“i never forget.”

“we talked about a lot,” you said, fiddling with the collar of jeonghan’s tee. “classes, summer plans, boys…”

he raised his brow at the last subject. “boys, huh?”

you smirked at him playfully. “yeah, our waiter was cute.”

he scoffed in your face and you giggled, then flattened his shirt against his chest.

“we talked about you. i told him we were official.”

“how’d that go?”

“he made fun of me, but it’s fine because i told him you have a big dick.”

jeonghan’s hand went from behind his head to cover his eyes, letting out a half-groan and half-“really?”, but the smile on his lips told you he wasn’t mad. “why? why would you tell him that?”

“he’s my best friend!” you laughed.

“okay, why did you tell me that?”

“i’d thought you’d like to know,” you said, pouting slightly. “he might respect you now.”

he uncovered his face just so you could see him rolling his eyes before he tried to sit up. “okay, no more cuddling.”

you whined, trying to keep him in place, but failing. “but i just got here!”

“maybe you shouldn’t have left in the first place,” he teased, getting out of bed to turn off the air purifier he usually only ran at night, but had been too preoccupied to turn off that morning. “i told you i intended to keep you in bed all weekend, but you didn’t care.”

“i’m here now,” you pouted. “in your bed.”

“take a nap, then,” jeonghan said. “i’m gonna eat.”

you groaned. “you didn’t eat while i was gone?”

“too busy pouting in bed. your turn.”

you floundered and whined childishly for a moment as he laughed at you, leaving the room without another word. sometimes you hated how similar you two were, but only because it made you completely aware of just how annoying you were.

when jeonghan returned, you had completely passed out, holding his pillow under your head as you laid on your stomach. he smirked in the direction of the sleeping body and fiddled with a few things - closing the closet door, throwing a rogue shirt into his hamper, etc. - before making his way to the bed to join you.

his touch was gentle. enough to rouse but not frighten. you squirmed slightly, recognizing the way his hand dipped into even the most subtle curves of your body as you laid out comfortably. you gave a noise of approval when it ran over your ass, squeezing slightly. jeonghan smirked again, and you turned under his arm to face him, a soft smile on your lips.

“g'morning.”

“it’s four in the afternoon,” he corrected.

you sighed. “and it’s a good morning.”

“sure is, babe,” he drawled, smiling as you planted a smooch. his hand ran unhurriedly up your back, under your shirt.

you hummed. “are you really horny again?”

“listen,” he mumbled, almost laughing. “i just want to get of much of you as i can, while i can.”

you supposed that was as good a reason as any as you kissed him again, only for him to pull away and straddle the backs of your thighs. he pushed the balls of his palms into your lower back on either side of your spine, and you let out a low moan. jeonghan did this on occasion, treat you to a back rub. he claimed it was because you had the worst posture he had ever seen, but you knew it was an excuse to get his hands all over you, and you couldn’t hide how much you enjoyed it. you adjusted to lay straighter, burying your face in the pillow when he hit a particularly evil knot and had to dig it out with a thumb. you groaned as his hands travelled up your back, sliding the shirt up as he massaged into your shoulders. you sighed as you got up on your elbows and ripped off the shirt, tossing it somewhere on the floor, exposing your full back to him, your shoulders and neck littered in his marks. he admired them, even planted small kisses atop a few, then worked his way down your back, curving his hands over your ass.

you muttered a quiet thank you, and he smiled, giving you a succinct “of course” in response. he moved down to your legs, thumbs sneaking in your inner thighs and subtly spreading you out despite your pants. you hummed, pushing your hips to meet his touch, encouraging him to knead at your cheeks.

“have i ever told you you have a great ass?”

you giggled. “it’s average at best.”

“uh, no,” he said, voice pitched upwards in a teasing manner. “i think i’m a really great judge in asses and yours is fantastic.”

“yeah?” you peeked over your shoulder. “what’s so fantastic about it?”

jeonghan’s fingers dug into it, eyes shooting up to meet yours. “well, for starters, it’s connected to you.”

he ran a thumb over your crease, making you let out a small noise in response, and you buried your face in the pillow again. “shut up.”

he smirked against your shoulder, hands running up your back again and one landing on the mattress beside you as he pushed his hips against your ass. “yes, boss.”

you sighed, arching your back to get as much friction as you could while he ground his hard member against you. he sucked at your neck, and your hands dug helplessly into his hair as you whined.

“are we teenagers?” you asked, huffing. “do we have to dry hump or can we fuck like adults?”

jeonghan laughed as he lifted his mouth to ghost over yours. “impatient. if you were better, you would have asked for my cock nicely.”

“better,” you repeated, hating the way a hard wave of arousal washed over you, suddenly wakening your senses like it was from the pacific. “for you?”

the tip of his tongue barely swiped at your lips, your jaw twitching slightly in reaction. “you gonna be good?”

you tried to focus on him, your blown out eyes flickering hopelessly to his lips. “i-i can try.”

and with that, jeonghan yanked your pants over your hips and down your thighs, scooting them down as you hiked your ass up slightly, hoping to tempt him as efficiently as possible. his hands found your ass again, spreading you out as you groaned. “look at you, soaking.”

you bit your lip, making a pathetic noise into the pillow to avoid talking back. “please, jeonghan.”

two fingers ran over you, and you tried to muffle your moan as best you could as your hips moved involuntarily, pushing into his fingers. he smirked down at you, wondering how far he could take you as he messily spread your arousal. “bet you could take two right now.”

“yes,” you said, gasping slightly. “please, hannie, please, i can take it.”

he pushed two fingers into you, barely even scissoring them before pushing in a third, making you bury your face in his pillow as you groaned. “i’ve been fucking you good, huh?”

you nodded frantically, pushing against his hand as steadily as you could. he noted your neediness, and indulged you by thrusting his fingers into you until you were whining rhythmically to his pace. he pulled a finger out, then another, and you instinctively threw a hand back to catch him before he pulled away completely. he laughed lightly, his hand easily overpowering yours and pressing a kiss against your shoulder blade.

“sorry, were you close?”

you exhaled sharply. “that was so mean.”

“i’ll make it up to you,” he said, pulling your hips further off the bed and pushing you further apart. he licked a wide stripe up your core, and you moaned deeply into the pillow, gripping it with all your power as his tongue expertly ran over your clit. “you taste incredible.”

you panted as you turned your head. “i thought you just ate.”

“i have a separate dessert stomach.”

your thighs buzzed and gut fluttered, and you wondered how he always managed to make you weak in the knees, even when his tongue was buried in you. it wasn’t long before you were gripping at his wrist, knuckles white, quaking as his lips guided you through your orgasm, and he lapped at your release, licking wet stripes up your inner thighs as well.

when he backed away, you exhaled again. “jeonghan-”

“what?” he asked, pushing his own pants down his thighs. he stood to drop them to the floor before straddling you again, pulling your hips back against him. “is this what you want?”

your hand found his thigh, urging him towards you. he rubbed the head of his cock, already shiny and scarlet, against your core, and you practically begged on the spot. suddenly, he pushed you into the mattress, pushing his hips against yours but fucking into your thighs. you whimpered, his cock rubbing against you absolutely deliciously, but not at all what you were expecting. he groaned into your neck, snaking a hand up under you.

“god, you’re so wet, i almost don’t even need to fuck your pussy.”

you yelped when his fingers found a nipple and pinched. “h-hannie, please-”

“please, what?”

you squirmed. “please fuck me.”

he looked at you. “you get one more try.”

for a moment, you looked back at him and your mind went blank. “please, hannie, i need your cock.”

he smiled. “was that so hard?” his tone and kisses were sweet, but completely mismatched the frustration bubbling in you as he pulled back, making you moan again as the head bumped over your clit. “do you trust me?”

“yes, baby, please just fuck me before i scream.”

with one hand on his cock, he guided himself into you, a moan tumbling from his lips as he felt you completely unsheathed for the first time. you gripped the pillow in a tighter fist as he filled you out, and it took all your concentration to not squeal in a way that absolutely would have been heard by the entire apartment. his hands gripped your waist, pulling you back onto him as he fucked into you. as you adjusted to him, you began to curse the fact that this was only temporary - you would have to go back to unreliably private quickies in a few short days - and you suddenly got the urge to really savor the way jeonghan’s cock felt in you.

he leaned over you, changing the angle ever so slightly and just enough to make you cry out, and he put a palm at the base of your neck, wrapping his fingers around it slightly as he pushed you into his pillow. “i could fuck you raw forever.”

you tried to catch your breath to respond. “i would let you.”

you internally celebrated the low groan that escaped him, and the way his hips pushed impossibly further into you. externally, you rewarded the movement with a matching moan, though you slapped a hand over your mouth when you heard the game pause in the other room.

“don’t want them to hear you, baby?”

you whimpered into your hand as jeonghan kissed a line up the side of your neck, steadily rolling into you.

“can’t even talk?”

you shakily pulled your hand away from your mouth, trying to stifle your noises with just your will. “cheol already hates me.”

“he doesn’t hate you,” he said, his voice getting slightly more labored as he continued his pace. “i bet he’d love to hear your pretty moans.”

you clamped your hand over your mouth again, resisting jeonghan’s luring the best you could. he smiled against the hollow of your ear, nipping at it slightly.

“i know you want to, baby. just let it out.”

as he spoke, he shifted his hips, making you let out a high toned moan that was barely muted by your palm, and you buried your face in the pillow to avoid jeonghan’s shiteating grin.

“i love the way you sound when i’m fucking you,” he said, his voice never raising above his lowest register. his ability to keep his cool as you were utterly falling apart was perhaps simultaneously the most aggravating and sexiest part of the whole affair. “and you always back up against me like a bitch in heat.”

you reached back for a hand, but he swiftly grabbed your wrist to push it against your lower back. your chest heaved, and you hurriedly added your other wrist to his grip. with one hand restricting your arms and the other pulling your hip back against his, he licked his lips at the sight.

“i’m going to wreck you,” he panted. “i’m going to make you forget anyone you ever fucked before me.”

you let out harsh breaths as your chest pushed into the mattress. “already have,” you managed, peeking best you could over yout shoulder to the glorious view behind you. you enjoyed the way his tongue shot out between his lips, the way he watched his cock fill you tightly. you even liked the way his hair flopped over his eyes, even if you thought he was in need of a haircut. but you especially liked that he looked like he got lost in you. like he would never want anything but you.

you came fast and hard, squeezing him temptingly as you whined into the pillow. with that, he pulled out and rolled you over, fingers hooking at your pants to pull them off completely. you bicycle kicked to help him, then practically pulled him into you as his lips crashed into yours, hands pulling you as close as he could while you both repositioned your bodies. your hand went down to position him at your entrance again, and you gasped into his mouth when he slid into you again. his teeth tugged at your bottom lip, one hand gently massaging the back of your neck as you whimpered against him.

“you’re being so good for me,” he muttered, purposefully brushing his lips against yours with every syllable. “have i finally tamed you?”

your legs wrapped around his waist. “no chance in hell.”

he grinned, letting you pull him into more sloppy kisses as he steadily pulled another orgasm from you, and you couldn’t help but want him to cum with you. his eyebrows knit as your hands dug into the hair at the base of his head, eyes barely focusing on your lips as you begged for him to cum in you.

“you’re evil.”

you could barely smile. “and you love it.”

you choked slightly, body edging into overstimulation as you came again, and jeonghan pushed up off of you to better chase his own high. he pumped into you, hard and rough, for a few more seconds before you felt suddenly empty and he was shooting hot ribbons of cum up stomach and chest.

you bit back a moan, arching your back slightly as he stared down at your chest, leaning down to lick his cum off your nipple. you gripped his hair again, squirming as he sucked lightly, lapping more cum towards the peak. you tugged at his roots slightly, pulling him up to kiss you before he got you hot and bothered again when you weren’t sure you could handle more.

“i can’t believe you pulled out.”

jeonghan laughed in your face. “i asked if you trusted me.”

you pouted. “i thought that meant you were going to choke me out.”

he kissed you again after a short chuckle, then sat up to grab tissues. “maybe next time.”

he didn’t say it like it was a promise, but he kept it like it was one.

and when your weekend of nonstop bedroom antics was over, you admittedly had fulfilled yourselves enough that the following privacy draught was almost bearable. sure, jeonghan asked you a couple times to come sit on his lap while he worked on lab reflections, and yes, it was much less innocent than one would think, but the two of you managed to keep unfortunate walkins to a minimum, which was only made possible by finally getting it out of your system.

also because you decided your thursday 7:30 was barely worth it most weeks, and jeonghan was always happy to run over to your dorm to fool around for a few hours while your roommate was in class.

#lol #seventeen smut #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #yoon jeonghan scenarios #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan imagines #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan smut #hannie #i wrote dis

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mysteryofren · 4 years

Text

Sleeping Under The Stars

chapter 34 of So Happy Together

Masterlist

You weren't sure how much time had passed. Maybe 15 minutes. Maybe an hour. You could only hear the sound of your grandfather, and Gideon snoring. You sat up to see Phasma fast asleep too. Picking up your phone you checked the time. Only an hour had gone by. It was official, Phasma left today. You tried to clear your mind, focusing on the sound of the wildlife outside. The trees moved as a gust of wind ripped through them. The waves on the lake lighting moved against the shore. Little nocturnal creatures played around in the fallen debris from the trees around. You gently got out of your sleeping bag, and made your way outside of the tent.

A leaf crunches under your foot as you step out. It was dark, yet there was enough light you could see. You grab the extra blanket you had packed, and Gideon perks his head up to look at you.

“Sorry bud. You have to stay here.” you tell him as you zip the tent up. You stand looking around to make sure nobody else is up. As far as you could tell everyone's tent lights were off. You begin to walk towards the lake while wrapping the blanket around you. There was a breeze hit every now and then. It was cold, but had a humid feel to it. It didn't bother you though.

The lake wasn't too far from where you had set up. Your grandfather always liked to have it within view of the site. You sat on a log that faced it. The scene in front of you was stunning. The moon reflected off the rippling water, and made it shine. On one side of the lake you could see some deer drinking from the water as they walked into it. It was calming. So calming that it was hard to think in a few hours you will be an emotional wreck. You had just gotten a group of amazing friends. Now it felt like they were being torn away from you. Phasma would be gone for the summer. Elaine would be in a college in a distant city. Hux would be an ocean away. Even Kylo would be gone. At least you would have them for the summer, and when the school year starts again Phasma will be back.

You closed your eyes just for a second, and let your mind go where it wanted.

“Darling what are you doing out here by yourself?” you heard your mama say. You were 10 then. You were sitting in the same spot you were now. Your parents had decided to send you with your grandparents for the summer, and they took you camping for your last day.

“Do we have to leave? I'm not ready to go home.”

“Oh sweetie, of course we have to go.”

“But I won’t get to see you or pop pop until christmas.”

“Well think of it this way. That just makes christmas more special.” she sat down next to you on the log, and looked out towards the lake with you. The sun had shone high, and bright. You felt its rays heating your skin. The water glistened as it reflected the sun.

“Will you guys miss me?” you asked her quietly. She scoffed, and took you in her arms.

“What kind of crazy question is that? Of course we will miss you. You mean everything to us.”

“Mother, and father don't miss me when I'm here.”

“Don't be silly of course they miss you. Here's the thing about your mother, and father. They want to give you the best life they can so they work hard to give you that.” you stayed silent, and she kissed your cheek.

“Besides sweetie. You don't need them when you have the best grandparent in the world.”

“Surely you must be talking about me.” you heard your pop pop say as he came up behind the two of you. He sat between you and mama on the log, and wrapped his arms around you both.

“I was talking about both of us. Even though you are pretty amazing.” she responded.

“You’re pretty amazing yourself.” he said as he leaned over you to kiss her. You laughed as he squished you down to get to her.

“Pop pop i'm right here!” you said trying to get him to stop. He pulled away from her and smiled down at you.

“Oh I'm sorry, how could I forget my favorite girl?” he grabbed you up, and covered your face in little kisses, as you both fell off the log and onto the ground. A flurry of giggles left your body, as he continued his affectionate assault. You heard your mama laugh as she watched him take you down. The vision of that day left your mind, and you were back in the present. You were crying, and you didn't even notice. The teardrops fell onto your thighs as a breeze hit. Your whole body shivered.

You wondered what she would have thought about the first order. Would she have liked them? Who would be her favorite member? Would she love them as much as your pop pop did? Then another question sprang into your mind. If she saw you now. Would she be proud of who you've become?

“What kind of crazy question is that?” you heard her voice say in your mind. Of course she would be proud. You on the other hand were not so proud of yourself. You wanted to be like her so bad. She was so ethereal, and kind. Everyone loved her. You had never met a single person who didn't. You wiped the tears off your cheeks with your blanket. Then another memory came to your mind. It was the 4th of July. You were 13, and were about to start at the republic boarding school. The last day of school you went to Tatooine to live with them until the school year started. They had decided to have a party at the campgrounds to celebrate.

“So, kid, I heard you're starting school at the republic?” a younger Han Solo had said to you. His hair was a bit long, and he sported a beard at that time.

“Yeah. I don't want to though.” he laughed at your forwardness, and sat next to you at the small picnic table your grandfather had rented.

“It ain't so bad. Our son goes there. You should keep an eye out for him.” he said. You had stopped listening to him though so you just gave him a small hum in response. You both sat next to each other watching everyone interact. You rarely came to things like this anymore, but you were living with your grandparents now, and they tended to have stuff like this every now and then.

“Hey uh, listen,” he started. “I know theyre not having any fireworks at this thing, but I got some firecrackers in my car if you wanna bring some life to this party.”

“I've never played with firecrackers before.” he stood up, and looked around before whispering to you.

“Well let me show you what you're missing out on kid.” he walked off, and you got up following behind him. Thinking about it now. He didn't have any daughters. Maybe he saw you as a surrogate daughter of some sorts when he saw you at those parties. Man you guys got in a big load of trouble that day. Mostly from Leia, but you could tell your grandparents were a bit upset too.

Behind you the sound of movement invaded your ears. The memories left your mind, and you were focused on what was happening behind you. You saw a figure walk out of one of the tents. Without a thought you called out to it. Ben turned around, and pointed his flashlight in your eyes blinding you.

“Dude stop that hurts.” The dumbass turned it towards his face, and blinded himself. He stepped back before falling. You ran over to him to find him laying on the ground groaning and holding the back of his head.

“Oh my stars are you okay?” you whispered. He groaned again, and you held your hand out towards him. He took it and you helped him up. You had forgotten how much bigger his hands were than yours.

“This is what I get for trying to be an asshole.” he said as he rubbed his head.

“What were you trying to do?”

“2 weeks ago I bought an ant farm, and I've been waiting for the perfect time to pour them into Kylo’s shoes.” in that moment you knew he was Han’s son.

“Why did you buy an ant farm when you could just gather ants in a cup and do it?”

“I didn't think of that.” he finally looked at your face.

“Hey you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“Yeah. just overthinking.” you both stood in silence, before he spoke.

“Hey you wanna help me put ants in Kylo’s shoes?”

“You're still gonna do it?”

“I mean yeah. I didn't spend 20 bucks on an ant farm to back out now.” you thought for a second, and you decided some fun was something you could use right now.

“Ok im in.”

“Cool, you grab his shoes, I’ll go get the farm.” he ran off, and you slowly opened the tent. You poked your head inside to look for Kylos boots. You spotted them close to the entrance of the tent. Gently you wiggled your arm in, and grabbed them. Ben had gotten back right when you got them out. A laugh left your mouth as you both ran to the spot you were originally sitting in.

Ben shook the ant farm a bit to get them to move out of their tunnels. He took one shoe, and put some of their food at the bottom. You grabbed the farm from him, and opened it. He held the top of the shoe open, and you shook the ants in.

“Hopefully there's enough food that they stay in there all night.” you said as the last ant fell.

“Should we add dirt so they start making a new nest?”

“I think so.” you both started grabbing up dirt with your hands, and shoving it into the toes of his shoes.

“Okay I think that's enough. I'm gonna go put them back.” he grabbed the shoes, and ran back to the tent. You waited for him while looking at the forest surrounding the lake. When he came back he had his sleeping bag, and blankets with him. You gave him a weird look as he set it up.

“I don't wanna sleep in a tent that might get ant infested.” you laughed at him as he settled into his sleeping bag. You got up, and quickly tip toed over to your tent. You grabbed your sleeping bag as quietly as you could, and joined Ben outside.

“I haven’t slept under the stars since before my Grandmother died.”

“Well you are more than welcome to join me.” he patted the spot next to him, and you rolled out your bag. You laid down, and you both stared at the sky.

“You know. I’ve never seen this many stars in the sky.” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean I always see a few, like one or two. This is something different though.”

“I guess I've seen it so much it's hard to believe some people haven't.”

“I'm glad I could experience it with you.” you felt your face get hot, but you didn't want to say anything.

“So why were you crying?” he asked. Part of you didnt want to open up to him, and get close again. The other part of you was hurting badly, and needed to talk.

“I was just thinking about a lot of stuff.”

“Like what?”

“My grandmother. Phasma leaving. Elaine, and Hux leaving. There's just a lot going on.”

“Yeah I feel that. What made you think about your grandmother?”

“I haven't been to this campsite since she died. She taught me how to swim here. She taught me and Elaine how to start a fire here. The last time we camped here with her was a few weeks before we found out she was sick. Everything here makes me think of her. Especially the lake.”

“I'm sorry. I mean, I’ll never really understand what it's like to go through that. I'm not that close to my grandparents, and they're both alive.” you stayed silent knowing if you said something you would cry. You felt his hand wrap around yours.

“You know i'm always here for you. No matter what. I know I haven't proved that in the past, but it's different now.” you felt more tired as you two spoke. You didn't even bother to take your hand away from his.

“Why did you and Rey break up?”

“I didn't love her.”

“She's devastated you know.”

“Yeah. She thinks I broke up with her for you.” you looked at him, as he stayed staring at the sky.

“Did you?”

“I don't know. I think a part of me knew you were right. I was hurting her by pretending to love her when I don't. I never loved her. Another part of me still wants you, but I know it's wrong.”

“Me too.”

“I wish I had done things different. Your grandfather was right.”

“About what?”

“That day. Before spring break. I told him about us. I told him about how badly I messed up. He told me he knew who I really loved. He told me the longer it took me to realize it. The more likely I was to lose you. And I did in a way. That very week I did. Matt told me about how you went on a date with that guy. After that we were never the same.”

“You love me.”

“I know.”

“When did you know?”

“I was with my grandparents, and Rey. They invited us over for lunch, and she wanted me to show her the garden. We kissed. I don't know what I expected, but I felt nothing. Then New Years came to my mind. I remembered how I felt when I kissed you, and it didn't feel the same with her.”

“How did it feel when you kissed me?” you heard him laugh, and he squeezed your hand. You smiled.

“The world finally felt right. Like everything made sense. With her. It was like every other kiss I had before that. Since that day there hasn't been a single night where I don't replay that night with you in my head when I fall asleep.”

You both laughed. You felt tears sting your eyes again. When you looked back over to him you saw a tear slide down the side of his face. Once your laughter died down you went back to looking at the sky.

“I think tonight will be the first night I don't think about that night so I can sleep.” he whispered.more to himself than to you.

You don't know what came over you. Maybe it was his confession. Before he had just told you he wanted you. That he liked you. This confession was different. You knew he loved you. To have him confirm it. To have him tell you how he felt. That was different. You sat up, and leaned over to kiss him. He kissed you back. The thought of Rey crept into your mind, and you pulled away.

“We can't.” you said as you settled back down into your sleeping bag.

“I know.” he said as he took your hand in his again.

You both stayed talking. About nothing, and everything all at once. You laughed, and cried with him as you talked about things that you never really spoke about with people. There was something about him that made you feel safe, emotionally. You felt that with him before, and the thought of what happened then made you scared. Something in you felt like this time it was really different. You learned a bit more about him. He learned a bit more about you. Soon your eyes felt heavy. You could tell he was getting tired too. At some point during your conversation you had inched your way closer to his body. Soon you both stopped talking as sleep took over your bodies, and you spent the night sleeping under the stars with Ben Solo.

tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour

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negasonicimagines · 5 years

Text

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you. “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”

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irregulardiaryposts · 3 years

Text

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this #there isnt supposed to be paragraphs #maybe i should change that #anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like ->#june 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

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lesbow · 7 years

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relationship klance

we always talk about pre-relationship klance like what about the actual relationship ya feel

to start off they absolutely get together in the dorkiest way possible like its either 100% sappy or 100% embarrassing and by accident there is no in between

they did that fanfic corny scene where lance was about to confess and keith realized before he even finished his sentence and just goes for the smooch

except its terrible theres too much teeth and their noses crash into each other its just a mess

its also both their first kiss

even after they both confess its takes them like a week to get up the courage to ask each other out bc theyre both nerds

lance plans on trying to keep it small bc he thinks keith doesnt really want anything big and cheesy

keith plans on absolutely making it as cheesy as possible bc he thinks lance would prefer big and cheesy to small and ordinary

they literally plan to ask each other out on the same damn day

keith asks hunk to make lances favorite food for lunch and asks pidge to hook up the projector so they can watch an altean romcom they wont understand anyway but catch keith trying to take notes during the fluffy scenes

hunk and pidge tease them to hell and back but theyre really happy for them so they go through with his requests

lance and keith both keep looking at each other during the movie wondering if they’ll be like that at some point and blush throughout the whole damn thing

everyone else thinks its so so so fucking cheesy but oh my god hunk and shiro are so happy for them bc its been a long time coming

at dinner they sit extra close to each other and casually brush fingers. theyre obviously blushing throughout the whole thing

its just a week of blushing okay

lance gets so happy and smiles so wide when he realizes its his favorite food that keith just stares with a soft expression and when lance meets his eye they both blush but keith doesnt look away as fast as he used to bc he can have this

after dinner they walk to the map room to look at the stars bc its become their thing and lance has had Enough with the brushing hands so he offers keith his palm and keith fucking swoons when they interlock fingers

they both planned to ask each other out at the star deck so obviously both of their plans crash bc after a weird silence where theyre BOTH thinking hard and turning into blushing, fidgeting, and sweating messes they turn to each other with the same glint in their eye

they say it at the same time

lance and keith.jpg

and then they turn into giggling messes with fond looks bc if this isnt foreshadowing how amazing theyre relationship is gonna be than idk what is

ROMANCE ENSUETH

in the beginning theyre just really really really nervous still bc theyve both been pining for a long time and dont wanna mess this up

when they start out, lance initiates most of the physical contact first like hand holding, putting his arm around keiths shoulders, that sorta thing bc keith is so fucking nervous and was never good at expressing himself but he eventually initiates it to he loves seeing how happy lance looks when he does

theyre both flustered messes but keith is really bad

they dont kiss yet bc theyre practically walking nervous systems

they hold hands a lot tho lance has soft hands bc of his skin care routines so a lot of times keith will just idly play with lances fingers because it calms him

keith rubs his thumb on the back of lances hand and lance fucking dies every time

lance still makes fun of keiths hair but it dies down little by little bc hes always wanted to play in that dang mullet tbh

one day keith catches lance just intensely staring at his hair and before he can even ask whats up lance asks if he can do his hair

theyre both messes when lance gets behind and starts playing in keiths hair but eventually lance just gets distracted with it and keith finds it really soothing. moreso than he thought it’d be

it becomes a reoccurring thing. lance will run his hands through keiths hair and keith just loves it so much it feels so nice

it started on the couch in that lounge room they have but one time hunk walked in and keith was practically passed out with his head on lances lap and he felt so embarrassed bc it feels really intimate and they both would rather keep stuff like that in their rooms so they do

whenever they go to a planet keith tries to look for things he thinks lance would like. hes not good with words so he tries to express himself through other means

the first time keith gave lance a gift from a planet it was a cat plushie bc its pretty fucking obvious lance likes cats

its red

when keith gives it to him he stares at the ground and just like thrusts it out to him bc hes so nervous and lance takes it slowly, cautiously, and when hes stopped astral projecting into another plane of existence he kisses keith on the cheek bc he love love loooovvveess it

he names it keef and cuddles it all the time. keith always just stares like >:0 bc its really cute and he loves his boyfriend so much but also bc oh my god are we gonna cuddle like that someday omg lance is my boyfriend ohmy go d holl y s hi

he falls down the rabbit hole often

lance on the other hand loves bears and loves anything that he thinks could represent them like he’ll just point out two rocks side by side or some shit to hunk and be like “thats gonna be me and keith one day :) <3″ and hunk juts pats him on the back

DONT EVEN GET STARTED ON SEEING OTHER COUPLES IN PUBLIC

whenever theyre planet side and lance sees a romantic couple he squeezes keiths hand (bc theyre already holding hands they never stop) and gets this fond and hopeful look on his face

lance wants every planet they meet to know keith is his boyfriend (he never gets tired of saying it) so whenever theyre at diplomatic functions and they have to talk to the aliens, he’ll always bring it up somehow

it ranges from “so it must be difficult fighting this war” “yeah but having keith by my side helps” to “our planet welcomes you young paladin” “thanks and also heres my boyfriend keith the red paladin you know the right arm of voltron? that guy? yeah thats my boyfriend. my boyfriend is the red paladin his name is keith. we’re in a relationship. did you know that? its great im so happy omg this food is so good btw did i mention im dating keith and that keith is my boyfriend?”

lance still flirts sometimes but he never actually wants it to go anywhere. at first this makes keith a little disoriented and he mopes but then they talk and Communicate and lance says that he just likes to flatter people bc it makes them feel good and stuff and so they work it out. so lance still flirts but only a little and not as strongly as he used to

speaking of communication, in the beginning theyre talking fucking s u ck ed they’d misunderstand each other and it would result in sadness and venting to their respective besties but the third time they get shoved in a room and told to just “talk it out” they realized that they really need to be more open/clear about stuff

eventually they get really good at talking about things to each other. their problem wasnt that they wouldnt talk to each other it was that they just couldnt understand the other so they work on getting to know each other better and it really helps and works out so so great

they both have issues, lance with his self esteem and keith with his abandonment issues and they know that the other cant fix it bc thats not what its about but they definitely help.

unlike lance, keith knows who he is and is confident in his abilities so he tries to help him in that aspect

unlike keith lance has always been a people person and is family oriented so he tries to help keith slowly get overcome it

theyre both really good for each other. they cant “fix” each other obviously but they help one another out so much and it means a lot

they have their first kiss like two months after they got together

it was after a battle and no not a deadly one you heathens a really really awesome one the teams all smiles and lance pulled a cool move at the end when they formed voltron and they saved a planet and everyones soooo happy and when they get back to the castle lance bolts to keith and just spins him around in a hug smiling and laughing and they smooch

its the best thing theyve ever experienced

they dont stop kissing after that. catch them giving each other little pecks all the time

at this point they arent as nervous as when they first started

after long battles theyll just kinda fall into each other

they dont do it in public/in front of the team but they cuddle a l o t

keiths two favorite places are in the crooks of lances neck and on his chest to hear his heartbeat

lance likes to kiss keiths forehead bangs in the way or not if he thinks his man needs some smooches he’ll give him some fucking smooches

the first time they fall asleep together (i mean literally fall asleep not anything nasty pls dont sexualize these boys) locks in for both of them that This Is It ya know

theyre cuddling in lances room keith wearing his jacket and has his face smooshed against his chest lance is playing in keiths hair and his lips are lightly touching his forehead

its after a diplomatic meeting

theyre both really tired and keith thinks he should probably go back to his room but they both feel too comfortable and everything feels so nice so he doesnt

lance likes listening to keiths voice and vice versa so theyre literally just saying nonsense

theyre voices drift off into a comfortable silence and eventually they both fall asleep

keith wakes up first and hes confused but then he looks up at lance and how peaceful he looks when hes sleeping and just stares

lance wakes up a little while later and meets eyes with keith but then he notices keiths unruly bed hair and the small spot of drool by keiths mouth and almost cries

its the best sight either of them have ever seen and at the same time they both think to themselves that they wouldnt mind waking up like this for the rest of their lives

#this is so fucking long god im so sorry but i have FEELINGS OKAY #voltron #vld klance #Voltron legendary defender #lance #keith #babbles

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konicichan-blog · 6 years

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5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

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obiwan824 · 6 years

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Letter-Fedya Dolokhov x Reader x Anatole

Requested by anon

Request: COULD YOU DO A THING WHERE THE READER IS THE YOUNGEST ROSTOVA AND SHE LIVES IN PETERSBURG AND SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH DOLOKHOV AND WRITES HIM LETTERS AND THEYRE IN LOVE AND SHE SHOWS UP TO THE OPERA SCENE AND SHE HAD ASKED IF HE WANTED TO GO WITH HER BUT HE SAID HE ALREADY HAD PLANS AND THEN SHE SEES HIM AND HÉLÈNE AND SHE SITS RIGHT BEHIND THEM AND SHE FLIRTS WITHANATOLETOMAKEDOLOKHOVJEALOUSANDANATOLEISINONITANDDOLOKHOVSAYSTHATHELOVESHÉLÈNEAND BREAKSUPWITHHERBUTANATOLEMAKESHERHAPPY???????

Y/N looked down at the newest letter, a bright smile plastering across her face. She grabbed it out of the stack of mail, knowing Sonya would tease her if she saw it, and, holding it close to her chest, ran upstairs to her rooms. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned against it, removing the seal carefully with her fingernail and opening the letter, breathing in the familiar scent of fresh paper, ink, and a tiny bit of Fedya’s cologne.

Her eyes scanned the paper slowly, wanting to savor every last word. It was like a poem, the way he wrote, each word carefully planned, each one with a secret meaning. When she finished, she went back to the start, again and again until she had soaked in every last sentence. Y/N smiled to herself as she folded the letter back up and tucked it away in the little wooden box on her desk, settling down to write back.

It had been at least a week since she’d last seen Dolokhov, but it felt like an eternity. She’d have to ask her mother if they could go to Moscow for a visit soon.

As she wrote, a sudden thought made her grin. Fedya had mentioned an opera, one in Moscow, one that was supposed to be the biggest event of the year. All of the ladies and gentleman who were anybody in Russia were said to be attending. And Countess Rostova had mentioned the same opera the other day, insisting that the family went.

Y/N, at the end of her letter, quickly scribbled in her afterthought.

And that opera you mentioned sounds enchanting. Would I be able to accompany you there? I haven’t seen a show in ages. Missing you every day.

Ever yours, Y/N.

She smiled at her work and sealed it up, running off to mail it.

…

Y/N glanced at the glass one more time, studying her reflection. Her hair was still perfectly in place with a dozen pins and her dress was smooth, shiny, and pristine. She had chosen a gown that showed off her shoulders and neck, knowing she had to make an impression. She threw on her coat and ran out, where Anatole was waiting for her with his carriage.

“Ready to go?” he asked, smiling brightly. He looked her up and down. “You clean up nicely!”

She rolled her eyes, taking his arm and letting him help her into the troika. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

At the opera, men and women entered arm-in-arm, one pair after another, all in a perfect, mechanical rhythm, looking both elegant and foolish at the same time. She took Anatole’s arm, trying not to trip as they entered. Her eyes were immediately scanning the room, trying to find Dolokhov.

Fedya was in the front row, leaning back in his seat comfortably. And his arm was around the seat next to him, holding Anatole’s sister. Helene laughed at something her companion had said, the pair of them looking joyful. Y/N felt a pain in her heart but ignored it, shaking her head.

She leaned over, lips inches from Anatole’s ear. “Will you pretend to flirt with me?”

Anatole quirked an eyebrow at her. “Pretend, darling?”

“Shut up. I want to make him jealous.”

“Aren’t you courting?” Anatole began to move down the aisle and she scrambled to keep up, grabbing his arm again. She paused at this, chewing her lip.

“I don’t know anymore.”

He looked at her apologetically, giving her a tiny smile as he led her to the seats right behind Fedya and Helene. He spoke, voice clear and confident, as always.

“Dolokhov! Sweet sister.”

The pair spun around, smiling at Anatole. When he saw Y/N holding Anatole’s arm, Dolokhov flushed red.

“Y/N! I didn’t think you’d be coming.”

“Well,” Y/N said slowly, looking up at Anatole with as much fondness as she could muster, trying to look in love. “When you said you already had plans, it opened me up for Anatole here.”

Anatole, playing along, slipped an arm around her waist, and she tucked into his side. “Thanks for that, Fedya. I never would have gotten to know Y/N without that chance!”

Fedya wrinkled his nose.

“Well, it was lovely to see you,” Helene said, though it was forced, as the curtain began to rise. Anatole settled into his seat as they turned back around and Y/N did the same. She watched with satisfaction as Fedya snatched his arm away from Helene’s seat and sat stiffly, obviously embarrassed.

“Looks like we’ve done it,” Anatole murmured to her.

“It’s not enough. Keep going.”

As the opera continued, so did Anatole. Whispering little compliments and pickup lines and flirty phrases to her just loud enough so that Dolokhov would hear, keeping his arm around her shoulders. She plastered on a blush, trying to look embarrassed. Before the act was over, however, she found her heart fluttering and her face heating up without her forcing it. She brushed it off as good acting.

When the curtain dropped for intermission, she leaned back in her seat, dropping her head onto Anatole’s shoulder. Y/N found that although she had only done it as an act, she enjoyed the feeling of his hands coming up to tangle in her hair. She was disappointed when Dolokhov never turned around, yet she didn’t pull away. She leaned into Anatole’s touch, feeling her heart beat faster.

…

When Y/N saw the letter in the stack, the familiar address, script, and seal she knew so well, she didn’t feel the usual joy. Her face dropped, her heart plummeted. Maybe this was the time he ended things.

“Y/N, darling?” Anatole’s voice was filled with concern, concern for her. He was visiting from Moscow, giving her updates on her cousin, who was staying there. “Did you get any mail?”

Y/N tucked the letter into her skirts, turning around to face him as he entered the room. She shook her head. “Nope, all boring stuff for mother. Come on, let’s get back to what we were doing, shall we?”

She led him back to her rooms, the letter a heavy weight on her, burning a hole in her skin.

Later that night, when Anatole was asleep in one of the guest rooms, she pulled the letter out and began to open it eagerly. She moved quickly and carelessly, ripping the seal in half, but hardly caring.

The familiar scent of cologne was there, but something new, too- a perfume, sickly sweet and disgusting. She wrinkled her nose, bracing herself to read the letter. The words swarmed in a blur before her eyes, making it hard to read.

Dearest Countess Rostova,

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I must break off our courtship and engagement. I am afraid I cannot be your husband. My heart belongs to another.

Fedya Dolokhov

It was short and blunt, right to the point, apologetic. Y/N had expected it and so she wondered why tears began to form in her eyes. She threw the letter to the ground and ran to her bed, stuffing her pillow against her face. She screamed into it, muffled, and began to sob.

So it was over. He had found another. Helene Kuragina, Anatole’s sister. Y/N couldn’t even think of the blond right next door as she cried, mourning all she had lost in just a few short days. She shouldn’t have gone to the opera. It would have been easier, then, if she were blissfully unaware. She shouldn’t have flirted with Anatole- perhaps he wouldn’t have broken the engagement if she hadn’t made it seem as if she had someone else to replace him with.

As she sobbed, a sudden pair of slender arms around her waist, gentle and soothing, made her start. A head tucked into her shoulder and a hand stroked her hair, familiar and new all the same.

“Ssh, hush now, darling. It can’t be all bad.”

Y/N turned her head, breaking free of his hold, and falling back on the mattress. She tried to hide her pink, tear-stained face with her hands, but Anatole caught her wrists and pressed them down. He reached out and cupped her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away her tears.

“Is it over?” he asked softly.

Y/N paused, chewing her lip. She knew full well that the moment she said it was over, it would truly be over. She couldn’t make herself do it, and so she nodded stiffly.

Anatole studied her, eyes wide, round, and full of sorrow. “I’m sorry. I know you loved him.”

Y/N leaned into his touch on her cheek, and as her heart fluttered once more, she realized something. She grinned, eyes bright suddenly.

“No. I didn’t.” the blond raised his eyebrows, confused. “I- I- I love you.”

Anatole looked at her for a split second before he leaned forward until his lips were inches from hers, begging to be kissed. He looked up at her from beneath his lashes.

“Can I?”

Y/N thought of Dolokhov for a moment. Fedya, who had loved her, once upon a time. But he was nothing in her mind, now, a faint shadow, nothing but a memory of something that had once been there. His love was nothing, it was dull and bland in comparison to the passion and fondness that was in front of her then. Her heart thudded with anticipation, trying to get out of her chest, every nerve in her body wanted Anatole. She smiled once more, one that reached her eyes. All tears disappeared and she nodded.

“Kiss me, fool.”

tags: @phoebuus @lyricsstories

#yikes #anatole queueagin #nick writes

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loveg1rl-remade · 7 years

Note

write short descriptions of your favourite mutuals/friends and then tag them (but not next to their descriptions) and try to make them guess which one is theirs!

i did two parts bc i did a lot of ppl! ppl are tagged in alphabetical order dfjskfn also i hope y'all can guess your number 🚶🚶🚶

p1.

@01bri @1aju @1oveful @2blushy @chanilovehours @doyoung @fruittxt @himlo @jenolees @junghwasgf

01 - omg we were JUST talking today… we always hit each other up for drama its p funny sjdfksldj i love hearing them talk just in general. they have a lot of good energy and it makes me happy that they like me enough to like. willingly hit me up i think thats really cute and i love that… also theyre always going to concerts and i think thats really cute i hope they hve a really good time :( they always have my back n i love talking to them !! angel

02 - my sweetheart!!! they’re really the funniest we used to talk ALL the time before school started :( i miss them a lot but honestly i love when they spam me with notifs :’) jsdfkjsd i remember when we first met n we talked about divergent and the bts visual novel it was HONESTLY really iconic… they’re a year under me but honestly it feels like we’ve known each other for a while !! they have a lot of love in their heart and their love for a certain few ppl (starting w t) is so sweet :( i love how we both procrastinate and stay up until like 2 for everything anyway ily and i miss u!

03 - omg.. i feel like they’re my younger sister… i really don’t deserve such a ray of sunshine! whenever i’m down they always send me the sweetest asks and messages and once they even told me abt their day out of nowhere i just thought that was really cute :( they’re ALWAYS cheering me on and it is really really sweet !! they make me rlly happy nsdfkjsd even just seeing their asks that start with “GIRL!!!” yea :’) they’re the brightest star w the cutest personality

04. we talked for like four hours about grapes once and that’s how we became friends… uhh i love them a LOT !!! they are really so kind and supportive and we get along really well?? they have a callout list for me kjdfdsf honestly we have a lot of inside jokes and it’s really cute. they changed my opinion abt taureans (U SHOULD KNOW WHO U ARE BY NOW .. ) and i just love how we can talk about anythin????? also your sleep schedule is SUPER screwed up but its chill bc that means we can talk more ndfkjsdkf i love you angel !!

05. i will LITERALLY never forget the time i was feeling like absolute SHIT and they took the time to write out like an ESSAY for me and it’s saved and screenshotted and immortalized forever in my heart it really meant a lot for someone to like. take the time out to do that for me and im so grateful…we don’t even post the same content anymore but they always interact w my posts and check up on me and send me asks… i love them a lot lot lot! on my old blog they’d send me the cutest asks too im grateful and lucky to have them in my life :’)

06. they know who they are !! my one n only!! we talk every single day and somehow they don’t get sick of me which is a feat in of itself. super creative and caring and empathetic and strong and selfless and just? a really good person. they have the biggest heart and the most love to give. they’re also really hard on themselves :( my biggest cheerleader n the love of my life.. if you haven’t figured out who you are yet i’ll send jeno over to talk some sense into you (*tell you he loves you)

07. soooo soft :( everything about them is soft!! they hav a lot of love for a certain bunny boy and they’re always always tagging ppl in things i think it’s so unbelievably kind. they’re always spreading kindness and joy and is such a ray of sunshine!! i really really lov them a lot !

08. o man where do i start?? they’re really full of a lot of love… they’re always love posting abt their best friend and that really makes me so happy that they have such a positive good person in their life… anyway we always send each other cute asks periodically to check on each other & we’re always helping each other out when we go through emo moods… anyway they’re applying to college at the same time i am and i remember stressing out abt it with them but i KNOW we’ll both be fine i lovve them :’)

09. seriously a big source of support for me even if we don’t talk on the daily!! they always have really good advice to give and even when like. No Advice Can Be Given they’re always lending an listening ear. they’re really cute i love how mature they are !! besides giving rlly insightful n thoughtful advice.. uh they’re just a rockstar! they’re a little bit younger than me but they always try their best and help others out and it’s really admirable. plus they said they love making playlists and i just thought that was the cutest thing :/

10. we haven’t had a lot of conversations together but theyre really just the sweetest :( ever :( i was going through a hard time n they sent me so many sweet asks and messages. its always nice to know there are ppl who care abt u and this person is just SO caring in general!! they’re always tagging ppl in sweet things and doing their best and it is much appreciated !! much like their name they rlly are. the best and the brightest

–

p2.

@kimjunnoodle @lazy-gudetama @pastelunnie @rapgodkth @rosehyuck @snowedjin @taehn @taeilsgrl @taeyyongs

11. UGH another sweetheart … they’re always sending me the sweetest long asks checking up on me and they’re always interacting n communicating and talking abt stuff they’re passionate abt it i really love it ?????? i miss talking to them !! they would send me the cutest dog pictures :( i always see them around spreading love and happiness and warmth .. they have a lot of love and compassion in their heart. i always look forward to their asks and replies!!

12. my EVERYTHING!!!! i saw their selfies like yesterday n they rlly knocked my socks off imagine being so pretty!!!! they are really an icon it was so cute talking to them abt our wedding :/ they’re a lot of fun they go from super soft to super funny and like, theyre either loveposting or talking about furries i think its the funniest thing ever. anyway they’re a total sweetheart n the best hyuck stan so yeah ! i love love

13. omg …. they’re SO considerate they’re always tagging me in those “associate ur mutuals with” posts and it’s honestly really cute ??? they have my kidneys and my left lung and my Whole heart :( the biggest sweetest tae stan ! super sweet and lovely and funny !!! we don’t talk a lot but i’m always cheering them on behind the scenes!! they always interact w my not funny stupid posts and hype me up theyre just. really great to be with and im grateful to b mutuals

14. i’ve known you the longest!!!!!!!! i have all ur jk fics saved omg :( you’re the sweetest bean and i love talking to you.. even tho we don’t talk on the regular anymore it’s always so sweet hearing from you and i love how we always update each other when smthing important happens in our lives!!!! i love watching the videos u send ur voice is rlly the cutest n i remember the first tme i heard it i started crying anyway i still have your christmas card saved and i love you a whole freaking lot im still waiting to go on a date with u :( my tall gf

15. UH we literally talk and just. gush over how cute girls are …. jsfdasdf we ALWAYS tell each other beef no matter what sfjdsk they really have such a caring n chill personality. we think alike so it’s really nice telling them abt things i need help with because i always get a good second perspective on it… they’re always here to listen to me (even late at night when they have work the next day)… they’re a bit like my older sister i trust them a lot !! i really love how they always update me on things even tho i SUCK ass at messaging so :) anyway i love them a lot (move to california sooner!)

16. one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i’ve ever met. memes are iconic and every single conversation we have i always manage to laugh bc their comedic timing is amazing and yea they’re just an all around great person. they’re my movie buddy and we can also really talk abt anything??? like we’re super comfortable around each other which is super cool n i’m grateful. we can talk for hours n hours … and yeah .. they��re also super sweet and always support me through everything! we have a lot of inside joke its cute & i’m glad i met this person i really am :’)

17. hdfsfn.. really. they really own my heart.. honestly i couldn’t have asked for a better mutual???????? they are Top Tier quality one of kind…they have like thousands upon thousands of followers and they always always promo me … im so undeserving of their love… AND AND THEY ALWAYS SEND ME ASKS …. even when like. im being annoying and ask stupid questions no one wants to answer they always write out a whole paragraph and it makes my WHOLE world ten times over im so grateful for them … i have the strawberry emoji on like all of their asks bc i want to keep all of them thats how much i appreciate the time n effort they show me … wrow… the cutest and best ever i love them a LOT!

18. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re so motherly to me …. they’re always looking out for me and making sure i’m doing ok and i think that’s just the sweetest best thing ever :( they’re really sweet n pretty AND funny i always love seein their posts… they’re one of my few exo mutuals and i LOVE IT ! I LOVE THEM! they are sosososo soft their tags for their man are really the cutest too… they’re one of those mutuals who switch from loveposting to toesucking and it’s the best and funniest i love them! once i was sick n they sent me like two asks making sure i was ok and . wrow. i couldnt have asked for anyone better

19. mMmMmMm i remember i thought they hated me and then it turns out they didn’t and i was SO relieved bc they’re so sweet and funny and :( just a really great person. they did a lil astrology analysis for me and it was so spot on i’d trust them with my life and my savings and my posterity…. uhhh they have a heart of gold they’re always looking out for others and trying their best n it’s really admirable. they also have such a good sense of humor!! a treasured mutual who owns my heart :(

#jaskfjfaskd. i spent a while on this #anyway! if something is messed up just tell me i copied and pasted a lot of stuff #textpost #ask #anon #mutuals

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allinsgaywitchaesthetic-moved · 7 years

Text

literally no one asked for this and i was bored so heres monsta x as a jazz combo under the cut

shownu

sax player, brass/winds leader

plays every single saxophone known to man + clarinet, flute, and p much every other wind instrument ?? like how?????

hes amazing thats how

so so so dedicated but like

where kihyun is like …. aggressively dedicated shownu is more relaxed abt it

like kihyun plays more but shownu listens more and analyzes more sort of??

thats why hes the leader

has a very good understanding of different styles and how to break them down

just perceptive musically

also really good at imitating specific styles

always has extra valve oil and grease and strings and sticks in his bag it’s ridiculous the thing probably weighs like 30 pounds

he doesn’t really have a specific music taste?? like hes just not picky

also too compliant for his own good …

minhyuk showed up at rehearsal once like “shownu, lets play death metal!!” and shownu was just like “ok sounds good”

also doesn’t really like to be super assertive so he’ll usually suggest articulations and phrasings rather than saying “tongue this note and slur that”

everyone listens to him anyways tho because he’s right

not really tonally or rhythmically inclined tbh hes just good all around

hes really flexible stylistically and likes to play in lots of different styles

loves bob florence, john coltrane, ellington, but will listen to everything

likes to challenge himself w rhythms bc hes pretty good at them!!

he gets really anxious before performances tho and it definitely reflects in his playing :(

kihyun

trumpet!!! lead trumpet!!!!

his sound is really sharp (like cutting? almost) and strong and honestly??? the most beautiful thing uve ever heard

probably a prodigy tbh

he isnt leader tho like just bc he plays the ~visually most important~ instrument doesn’t mean hes in charge lol

always attentive, has like 3 pencils on him at all times, records rehearsals, Model Musician tbh

tonally inclined

eats, drinks, and breathes long tones

can’t sleep?? long tones

hungry?? long tones

bored?? long tones

i.m: hey kihyun whats the answer for question 11?

kihyun: long tones, changkyun. the answer is always long tones

i.m, in the background: im a guitarist????

his range is ridiculous bc of this

loves ballads!!! especially basie ballads like little darling bc he can just … drag out his beautiful sound like theres no tomorrow

probably doesn’t like a lot of contemporary jazz but plays it to challenge himself

also loves thad jones, miles davis, jalc (modern groups playing old jazz make him happy!!) and jazz vocalists - frank sinatra, cecile mclorin savant, etc.

biggest weakness is probably the fact that he doesn’t listen as much as he should so he doesn’t always grasp style well :(

shownu: kihyun listen to this recording!

kihyun: i can’t ,, im playing rn .. ., gotta go fast

minhyuk

hes a trombone player and no one can tell me other wise

this is bc trombones are the worst and so is minhyuk

shownu: alright everyone lets start at measure 39

minhyuk: *slides around on the trombone* how about i solo for 30 measures instead

never fuckingf listens

but hes not a bad player!! hes just .. an unstoppable force of nature .. .,

his sound is really warm and broad but occasionally sounds a little muffled

esp when hes lazy or doesn’t like the piece theyre working on

tbh don’t even expect him to try if he doesnt like the music ur playing

tonally inclined

hates long tones, has never done them in his life probably??

bc of that his range isn’t super big but his sound is really strong and powerful

kihyun works w him on long tones bc ‘minhyuk!!! ur range is holding us back,, please!!’

prefers up tempo funk or latin tunes but doesn’t like super complicated rhythms

loves gordon goodwin and the brecker brothers to bits …

will blast them while showering :)

really impatient as a musician

like he cant focus for super long periods of time and he cant sit through all of those long rehearsals so his playing suffers bc of that

he practices better in small groups than alone bc the other members help him focus better so he gets more done~

i.m

guitarist

hes the only guitarist u will ever meet who shows up on time to rehearsal… amazing

its rlly relaxing to watch him play hes just really confident n comfortable w his style of playing bc hes p flexible and he loves jazz a lot bc its so different and complicated as a genre!!!

has read every single jazz autobiography and watched every single jazz movie known to man

rhythmically inclined

he, hyungwon, and jooheon just .. have rhythm clapping competitions where they see who can clap the most complicated rhythms for the longest amount of time …. theyre a trip

plays clappingmusic on his phone when hes bored and has converted the entire band to it

fuckin loves free jazz and fusion!!!! and contemporary jazz

he, hyungwon, and jooheon just hang out listening to ornette coleman, charles mingus, chick corea - its a great time

(hyungwon hates ornette coleman but he wont tell changkyun bc he doesn’t want to break his heart :( )

hes a sucker for like .. old romantic sounding jazz

he plays through his real book every couple of days- he really loves the classics too

loves wes montgomery

hes the bands treasure; you make fun of a lick he played?? u wont see the light of day . …

his biggest weakness is he has troubles communicating with the other group members like w eye contact and tempo changes and stuff

also gets lost in the middle of pieces sometimes bc hes a little spacey n he worries :(

wonho

pianist, rhythm section leader

naturally bouncy style, very swingy - he’s a natural, also possibly a prodigy?

won a bunch of classical music competitions when he was a kid but then he realized he liked jazz more so he switched over

the biggest jazz history nerd!! just knows a lot of random facts about all the composers

favorite facts include: billy strayhorn was gay and mingus punched his lead bone player in the mouth (hyungwons response ‘youre next minhyuk’ always makes him laugh)

buys food for everyone before rehearsal

always trying to help everyone become more confident and happy with their own musical abilities

helps everyone rehearse by doing 1-on-1 stuff if they need it

probably plays in elderly homes and in orphanages to help the kids

also not really rhythmically/tonally inclined hes just good

rlly likes jazz-inspired classical music and like … jazz movie soundtracks

watches jazz movies with changkyun

also likes ragtime, second line, dixieland … all those old exciting jazz movements bc theyre so fun to play!!!

he isn’t very confident in his playing like he knows hes good but he doubts himself a lot so he lets other people’s preferences control him??

like if someone doesn’t like something abt a solo of his he’ll change to appease them, even if he likes it a lot :(

hyungwon

bassist

plays both upright and electric

really smooth long sound on both instruments - his entire style feels very relaxed

honestly was dragged into this by minhyuk without knowing what jazz really was but he really grew to like it!!

loves his role as a bassist bc hes important but like … behind the scenes important >:)

most people don’t think abt the bassist at all in the band but hyungwon Knows that hes important so hes ok w that

definitely doesn’t know how to work his own equipment like

quarter inches?? amp head??? what r those he just doesn’t know

he and jooheon always argue about the best way to do a fill and tempo and anything else under the sun bc theyre both stubborn and think theyre right

wonho is the only one that can make it stop

hyungwon probably shows up late to rehearsal w like … cup ramen and a book someone help him

the book is a jazz autobiography and he discusses it w changkyun after rehearsal over coffee

hes rhythmically inclined and loves to challenge himself w odd meters and weird fingerings

he doesn’t necessarily like that kind of music though?? like hell play it to challenge himself but he won’t always like it and won’t really listen to it

loves every single bassist known to man

esp victor wooten, mingus, esperanza spalding, ron carter

he hates jaco tho bc jaco is an asshole

minhyuk: but mingus was also an asshole??

hyungwon: shhhhhhh mingus was a special kind of asshole so its ok

will honestly just listen to entire bass concerts

loves cool jazz and bebop

hes really … absorbed in his own playing because he throws himself into it and wants his walking to be good and he wants to be in time and all these other things so when hes playing he sometimes ignores the rest of the group bc hes trying so hard to sound good

hes a lil bit of a worrier internally and its gets in the way of the confidence of his playing

also procrastinates on his deadlines like theres no tomorrow lol

jooheon

drummer!!!!

carries at least 3 pairs of sticks, brushes, and a practice pad with him at all times

he??? drums in the bath room sometimes????? you’ll just walk by and hear vague slapping noises like ‘oh thats just jooheon! hes working on his rudiments’ :)

one of those 3 pairs of drumsticks is broken and taped together so that it doesn’t fall apart tbh

wants to bring back jazz rap

also rlly likes electroswing and jazz trap

just give him jazz thats influenced by new technologies in music !! he loves it

rhythmically inclined - especially likes playing in odd meters

his fills and hits are always so in-time it’s ridiculous

loves don ellis and buddy rich

his jazz playlist is 50% all of the standard jazz he needs and the other 50% is like thess tracks from single composers that have been dead 20 years w no meter or are in like 17/8 or something

jokes abt having 'perfect click’ all the time like

jooheon: you know perfect pitch??? ive got perfect tempo ;)))

hyungwon: jooheon shut up, you rush all of your fills

sets up pranks w minhyuk before rehearsal starts so that its 'more fun’ because jazz is 'all about rebellion against the status quo’ like ok

he worries a lot bc he feels like he needs to carry the entire band on his shoulders bc he’s a drummer and therefore The Most Important

but then everyone always says “but we’re all drummers!” and he feels a little better abt it

probably cries after every performance

#MONSTA X #i .... literally can t believe i actually wrote this this is so embarassing #noah fence but monsta x + jazz = insert heart emojis here bc im not on mobile #my two favorite things in the world . . .#anway #L.txt

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swiperightradioblog-blog · 6 years

Text

Swipe Right Episode 2 (1+)

Swipe Right:

Suggested Host Lead: Online dating has been pretty active on the scene since the earlier days of the internet. Sites like eHarmony, Match, and PlentyOfFish have been using the magic of modern technology for years to match up singles, but the game was taken to a whole new level with the creation of the mobile app. while some of the originals have adapted and still hold their own, a new wave of mobile platforms have jumped in led by Tinder. I wanted to know more about peoples experiences and opinions on this new wind of dating apps rising to the surface in our modern day. Alex is a 22 Year old from Long Island, New York. He had been in a relationship for a while before he was able to dive in to the new era of Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, JSwipe, Coffee Meets Bagel… you know dating apps!

CUT 1: “WE MET AT DIZZYS BUT SHE HAD LIVED ON MY FLOOR SO I HAD ONLY SPOKEN TO HER WHEN WE HAD FLOOR MEETINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR AND THEN SHE ASKED ME TO MEET HER AT DIZZYS AND THEN YOU KNOW..”

HEARING ABOUT HOW HIS PAST RELATIONSHIP WAS LONG LASTING MADE ME WONDER IF PUTTING HIMSELF OUT THERE ON TINDER WAS INTIMIDATING AT ALL

CUT 2: “THE RUNNING JOKE IS YOU KNOW YOU WANNA MAKE SURE YOURE NEVER DATING A SERIAL KILLER AND DOING THIS KIND OF GIVES YOU MORE OF A FEEL TO WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON AND YOURE NOT CAUGHT OFF GUARD AS MUCH

UHH NO I DIDNT PUT ENOUGH INCRIMINATING STUFF OUT THERE THAT SOMEONE WOULD WANNA CATFISH ME UMM BUT I CAN SEE HOW OTHER PEOPLE THAT I KNOW PERSONALLY WOULD UHH FALL VICTIM TO THAT”

WITH ALL THAT IS OUT THERE NOW WITH PEOPLE PRETENDING TO BE OTHER PEOPLE ONE MUST ALWAYS BE CAREFUL ABOUT KNOWING WHO THEY ARE TALKING TO ONLINE! HOWEVER BESIDES THAT ALEX FELT LIKE THIS WOULD BE THE RIGHT OUTLET FOR HIS NEWLY SINGLE LIFE

CUT 3: “IT DEFINITELY MAKES YOU MORE NATURAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE MORE PRACTICE AT IT AND MORE EXPERIENCE LIKE MY FRIEND WHO WILL ALSO REMAIN NAMELESS WHO ALSO J UST CAME OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP TOLD ME AT A BAR THE OTHER NIGHT HE SAID “I NEED YOU TO HELP ME TALK TO WOMEN” AND I SAID “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE ON TINDER ALL THE TIME LIKE YOU HIT UP SO MANY GIRLS ” AN HE SAYS ‘I CAN ONLY TALK ONLINE I CANT TALK TO PEOPLE IN PERSON’ AND I WAS LIKE THATS JUST LIKE FINDING OUT LANCE ARMSTRONG CHEATED YOU KNOW I WAS VERY SHOCKED AT WHAT HAPPENED”

THERE ARE SOME CONCERNS TO THESE DATING APPS OF COURSE

CUT 4: “ITS DIFFERENT THAN TALKING IN PERSON AND FOR SOME PEOPLE THEY CAN ONLY DO ONE OR THE OTHER SO FOR THOSE PEOPLE MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT A LITTLE BIT AND WORK ON YOUR ONE ON ONE INTERACTIONS BUT PRIOR TO ME BEING ON THERE I COULD TALK TO ANY PERSON JUST FINE BUT I WOULD COME OFF AS INCREDIBLY AWKWARD ONLINE LIKE SOMEONE YOU’D WANT TO CALL CHRIS HANSEN ON”

ALEX BEGAN HIS JOURNEY IN SEARCH FOR A NEW COMPANION THIS TIME DOING IT DIFFERENTLY… MORE MODERNLY.. BUT WAS HE HESITANT TO DIP HIS TOES IN THE WATER?

CUT 5:” I WASN’T HESITANT AT ALL I WAS WORRIED THAT BECAUSE I HAD BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 3 AND A HALF YEARS WHEN ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENED THAT I WAS BEHIND THE EIGHT BALL AND WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING AND THAT MADE ME NOT HESITANT BUT A LITTLE BIT CONCERNED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO CATCH UP”

HE SPOKE A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HOW HIS SUCCESS STORY WASN'T SUCH A SUCCESS AT FIRST

CUT 6: “SO THE FIRST WEEKEND THAT I BECAME SINGLE OUT OF MY OLD RELATIONSHIP I WENT UP TO COLGATE UNIVERSITY UM TO GO TO WHAT WAS THERE SPRING PARTY WEEKEND WHERE THEY HAVE ALL THE FESTIVALS AND STUFF AND I WAS STAYING AT THE FOOTBALL FRAT WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND OTHER THAN HIM AND A FEW OTHERS I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW ANYBODY UP THERE ESPECIALLY WOMEN AND I DID NOT WANT TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND WITHOUT AT FEMALE COMPANION SO THAT REALLY ENCOURAGED ME TO SWIPE RIGHT ON PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ALIVE… DIDN'T GET MUCH BACK… HOWEVER MY GAME IMPROVED OVER TIME AND I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY THAT.”

AND IMPROVE IT SURELY DID

CUT 7: “ONE DAY I SWIPED ON THIS GIRL AND I NOTICED THAT HER BIO SAID THAT SHE WAS A BIG NEW YORK RANGERS FAN AND BEING THE SASSY ISLANDERS FAN THAT I AM I DECIDED TO MESSAGE HER “I THINK THE SENATORS ARE GONNA BEAT THE RANGERS IN SIX GAMES” BECAUSE THEY WERE PLAYING IN THE PLAYOFFS AT THAT TIME AND SHES TOLD ME SINCE THAT SHE WAS CONSIDERING NOT ANSWERING ME BECAUSE WHAT I SAID WAS SO INCREDIBLY RUDE AND ANNOYING UHH NEVERTHELESS IT ENDED UP LEADING TO WHATS GONNA BE A SIX MONTH RELATIONSHIP ACTUALLY IN A FEW WEEKS”

TINDER LAUNCHED IN MAY 2011 AND SINCE CONCEPTION THEIR MEMBER COUNT HAS RISEN TO AROUND 25 MILLION PEOPLE!

MARK IS A 26 YEAR OLD MALE WHOS LUCK WITH TINDER WASNT QUITE THE SAME AS ALEX:

CUT 8: “UM WELL TINDER FOR ME HONESTLY ITS NOT MY BEST PREFERENCE I’VE USED IT FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW AND YOU KNOW ITS I FEEL LIKE ITS MOSTLY CURIOSITY FACTOR OF WHO YOURE GONNA MATCH UP WITH. I DONT THINK ANYTHINGS REALLY GENUINE THAT COMES OUT OF IT YOU KNOW IVE MET UP WITH A COUPLE PEOPLE UMM OUT OF IT. ACTUALLY OUT OF A COUPLE HUNDRED… MAYBE TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY PEOPLE IVE PROBABLY ONLY MET UP WITH ONLY MAYBE ABOUT 5 PEOPLE WHICH IS PRETTY SAD AND EVEN OUT OF THAT I WOULD SAY MAYBE ABOUT 5% OF THAT I EVEN MESSAGE. LIKE I SAID ITS MOSTLY LIKE A CURIOSITY FACTOR UMM DATING SITES FOR OTHER PEOPLE LIKE FOR EXAMPLE MY PARENTS MET ON A DATING SITE AND THEYRE HAPPILY MARRIED AND I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS I HAVE A GREAT STEPDAD NOW. SO I MEAN CLEARLY IT WORKS OUT FOR SOME PEOPLE.

I HAVE ALSO SOME FRIENDS WHERE THEY YOU KNOW GOT SOME SUCCESS BUT ITS UH I FEEL LIKE ITS ITS WEIRD ITS VERY IMPERSONAL AT FIRST UM MESSAGING EVEN BECAUSE THE GIRL NEVER IS GOING TO MESSAGE YOU FIRST, IT’S A VERY RARE OCCURRENCE SO FOR A GUY YOU EITHER HAVE TO COME WITH SOME VERY YOU KNOW IMPRESSIVE FIRST PICK UP LINE YOU GOTTA MAKE THEM LAUGH OR EVEN JOKE ABOUT THEM OR ONE OF THEIR PICTURES LIKE YOU HAVE TO SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND YOU KNOW PICK UP LINES DONT WORK ANYMORE ESPECIALLY CORNY ONES.

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT USERS OF TINDER WHO HAVE CONNECTED THE STREAMING MUSIC SERVICE SPOTIFY TO THEIR TINDER PROFILE HAVE RECEIVED AN AVERAGE OF EIGHTY FOUR PERCENT MORE MATCHES. TINDER IS ALSO TESTING A FEATURE CALLER “MATCHES UP FOR” WHICH THEY ARE TRYING TO USE TO ENCOURAGE MEMBERS TO CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER. SO BESIDES CORNY PICK UP LINES AND PRIMPED OUT PICTURES AND BIOS I WANTED TO KNOW OF SOME NOT SO GREAT EXPERIENCES HE HAD ENTAILED MEETING UP WITH WOMEN FROM TINDER

CUT 9: “UMM I MEAN MAJORITY OF THE CASES WH- ARE THAT WHEN I MEET

I WOULD SAY ABOUT 80% OF THE TIME I MEET UP WITH THE GIRL SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE PICTURES SHE YOU KNOW SHE POSTED. THEY MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK WAY BETTER THAN THEY ACTUALLY SEEM UNFORTUNATELY BUT I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE DO THAT SO THATS KINDA WHY YOU KNOW I KINDA TOOK A PAUSE ON AND HAVENT REALLY USED IT IN THE PAST COUPLE MONTHS UMM I THINK ME PERSONALLY I LIKE GOING OUT UMM I FEEL LIKE MY PERSONALITY OUTWEIGHS MY LOOKS SO YOU KNOW THAT HELPS ME, MEETING PEOPLE IN PERSON UMM BUT ALSO ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TINDER I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE DON’T SETTLE DOWN ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY HAVE INFINITE AMOUNT OF OPTIONS SO THATS THE ONE DOWNFALL BUT YOU KNOW IT IS COOL HAVING YOU KNOW YOU COULD LITERALLY MEET WHOEVER AROUND THE WORLD. BACK IN THE DAY PEOPLE WOULD JUST YOU KNOW WOULD ONLY MEET PEOPLE IN THEIR TOWN AND YOU KNOW THEY WOULD HAVE TO SETTLE BUT NOW WITH ALL THESE DATING SITES IT GIVES YOU INFINITE AMOUNT OF OPTIONS WHICH IS COOL”

JAYSON IS ANOTHER USER OF TINDER AND DATING APPS AND FEELS THAT THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO THIS NEW ERA IN THE MODERN DATING AGE

HE MENTIONS HOW USING THESE APPLICATIONS ARE A WAY FOR PEOPLE TO FIND THEIR STATISTIC AND WHERE THEY FIT IN ON THE DATING SPECTRUM

CUT 10: “UMM I NEVER REALLY USED IT AS SOMETHING TO MEET UP WITH PEOPLE WITH I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FUN AND GAMES TO KNOW LIKE WHO YOU COULD BE MATCHED WITH AND YOU C- ALSO WHAT PEOPLE WOULD DO IS LIKE OH WELL I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT OTHER PEOPLE WOULD DO IS UM THEY WOULD USE IT AS LIKE A A COMPARISON CONTEST BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THE PEOPLE THAT THEY MATCH THEMSELVES WITH JUST TO SEE LIKE WHO IS THE ATTRACTIVE LEVEL TYPE OF PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE KNOW FOR A FACT IF YOU WERE GONNA GO INTO A SOCIAL SETTING THAT YOU WOULD BE CONNECTED WITH THEM EASILY. THINK ABOUT IT WHEN YOUR’E USING THESE KIND OF SOCIAL MEDIA TYPE OF CONNECTION SITES ITS ITS JUST AN UNLIMITED AMOUNT OF PEOPLE AROUND YOU I MEAN YOU MEET THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE EVERY DAY WHEN YOUR’E WALKING AROUND AND LIKE OBVIOUSLY WE DON’T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME OF DAY TO LIKE MEET EVERY SINGLE PERSON AND LIKE GET A WHOLE BACKGROUND HISTORY OF THEM BEFORE YOU LIKE YOU I MEAN OBVIOUSLY LIKE ATTRACTIVENESS IS THE FIRST CONNECTION LIKE INSTANTLY WHEN YOU SEE A PICTURE OF SOMEONE THAT LIKE YOU KNOW IS SOMEONE THAT YOU WOULD BE LIKE OH OKAY I COULD PICTURE MYSELF BEING WITH THIS PERSON FOR A BIT LIKE THIS THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WOULD UMM I WOULDNT MIND BUT THEN AGAIN LIKE WHATS BEHIND THAT PERSON LIKE WERE GOING AFTER AN AVATAR RATHER THAN LIKE A PERSON”

NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME OPINION AS ALEX FROM OUR SUCCESS STORY JAYSON FEELS AS THOUGH MOST DATING APPLICATIONS ARE MORE FOR SEXUALIZATION. AND WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC THAN JUST A PICTURE? PEOPLE WHO WANT A CONNECTION THEY CAN RELY ON, A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS SUCCESSFUL AND NOT BASED ON SWIPING A PICTURE ON A SCREEN.

I SAT DOWN WITH RORI SASSOON WHO IS THE CREATOR OF PLATINUM POIRE

CUT 11: “ SO MY NAME IS RORI SASSOON UMM I CREATED A COMPANY CALLED PLATINUM POIRE. ITS A ELITE MATCHMAKING COMPANY AND ITS FOR MEN AND WOMEN WHO BOTH HAVE SOMETHING GREAT TO BRING TO THE TABLE. YOU KNOW LIKE IN THEIR PROFESSIONAL LIFE THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY TO BEING SUCCESSFUL IF NOT ALREADY SUCCESSFUL AND THEY'RE JUST YOU KNOW THEY JUST DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH ALL THE APPS AND ALL THE ONLINE CRAP THEY KIND OF WANNA JUST CUT STRAIGHT TO THE CHASE AND IN A SENSE LIKE WERE THE PERFECT SHORT CUT BECAUSE AT PLATINUM POIRE WE DO ALL THE VETTING FOR YOU.”

I WAS SO CURIOUS ABOUT HOW SHE GOT INTO THE MATCHMAKING GAME

CUT 12: “ITS VERY INTERESTING BECAUSE I ACTUALLY MET MY OWN HUSBAND THIS WAY AND IT WAS BEFORE THE APPS AND BEFORE ALL THAT STUFF I WAS MARRIED AT TWENTY TWO I WAS DIVORCED AT TWENTY FIVE WITH A CHILD, WHO IS NOW TWENTY ONE, AND I WAS JUST AT MY GYNECOLOGISTS OFFICE ONE DAY AND WE STARTED TALKING AND HE WAS ASKING ME WHY IM NOT HAVING ANYMORE KIDS AND I SAID UMM HELLO DARLING UHH IM GETTING DIVORCED THAT WOULDN’T ACTUALLY BE LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO RIGHT NOW AND LONG STORY SHORT HE WAS LIKE LISTEN I JUST WANNA LIKE ASK YOU SOMETHING I SAID SURE AND HE WAS LIKE I HAVE AN AMAZING GUY FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU’RE READY…. AND I WAS JUST LIKE SO TAKEN ABACK I THOUGHT THIS GUY WAS CRAZY IM LIKE HE PROBABLY TRIES TO PAWN OFF THIS POOR FRIEND OF HIS TO LIKE EVERY WOMAN THAT WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR HE IS A GYNECOLOGIST. SO BEING THE FACT THAT I MET MY HUSBAND AND WERE MARRIED FORS 17 YEARS AND WE WERE ABLE TO BLEND OUR FAMILIES SUCCESSFULLY, HE HAS THREE KIDS FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE, I HAVE ONE, AND TOGETHER WE HAVE TWO MORE SO WHEN I WENT YOU KNOW ACTUALLY WENT TO AN EXECUTIVE LIFE COACH TO KIND OF LIKE GEAR ME LIKE IN THE DIRECTION THAT I SHOULD BE GOING IN BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS INVOLVED WITH FASHION BUT I DID’NT WANNA DO THAT ANYMORE SO HE SAID TO ME “YOU KNOW RORI YOU HAVE TWO STRENGTHS- PEOPLE ARE YOUR PASSION FOR SURE” AND HES LIKE “YOU REALLY HAVE GREAT INTUITION” AND I LOVE LOVE SO IT WAS JUST A NATURAL THING.”

WITH THE WAY THAT THINGS ARE ADVANCING NOW A DAYS I WONDERED HOW MATCHMAKING AND SWIPING WERE SO DIFFERENT.

CUT 13: “SO PEOPLE ASK ME THAT QUESTION LIKE ALL THE TIME AND IN THIS UMM BUSINESS ITS A LOT OF HAND HOLDING BECAUSE ITS VERY.. THERES NO SCREEN LIKE YOU CANT .. WH- WHO YOU ARE IS WHO YOU ARE YOU KNOW WE MEET EVERY CLIENT UMM FOR A CONSULTATION AND BEING THE FACT THAT WE FEEL THAT WERE BOTH A GOOD FIT FOR EACH OTHER LIKE I DON’T WANNA BE ABLE TO GIVE THEM ANY KIND OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION YOU KNOW SAYING THAT I HAVE A DATABASE OF SIXTY THOUSAND PEOPLE WHEN I DON’T I HAVE A DATABASE OF OVER EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY PEOPLE AND TO US ITS ALL ABOUT QUALITY OVER QUANTITY AND THERES A LOT OF COACHING INVOLVED BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON’T HAVE THE SKILL SET YOU KNOW TO REALLY MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST AND WE ALSO MAKE SURE THAT WHEN THEY COME TO US AND THEY TELL US UMM WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER WE ALWAYS TRY TO HAVE IT MAKE SENSE SO ON PAPER IT CAN BE AN AMAZING MATCH ITS ALL ABOUT THE CHEMISTRY AND THATS SOMETHING WE CANT PREDICT. WE CANT PREDICT THE CHEMISTRY BECAUSE THE CHEMISTRY IS LIKE DEPENDING ON YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA FEEL WHEN YOU MEET THAT PERSON LIKE ON PAPER THAT PERSON COULD SEEM LIKE PERFECT AND AMAZING FOR YOU BUT YOU JUST MIGHT NOT BE ATTRACTED TO THEM SO I WOULD TELL YOU THAT THE PROBLEM WITH TODAYS DATING IS THAT NO ONE GIVES PEOPLE A CHANCE ITS LIKE LIKE YOU SAID SWIPE RIGHT SWIPE LEFT ITS INSTANT GRATIFICATION THEY’RE COMPLETELY BASING IT ON A PICTURE AND BY THE WAY HAILEY YOU KNOW THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE LIE LIKE THEY’RE SENDING OUT PICTURES THAT THIS WAS THEM AT LIKE FOR EXAMPLE LIKE TWENTY FIVE AND NOW THEY’RE THIRTY FIVE HELLOOO WHATS GONNA HAPPEN WHEN YOU SHOW UP ON THE DATE AND YOU DONT LOOK LIKE YOUR PICTURE LIKE THAT SUCH A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT AND YOURE KIND OF STARTING OUT THIS RELATIONSHIP A LITTLE BIT ON A LIE NOT COOL.

THERE ARE SO MANY THOUGHTS OUT THERE ON WHAT DATING APPLICATIONS AND WEBSITES HAVE BEEN DOING TO THE DATING SCENE IN THE MODERN AGE. FOR SOME THEY HAVE FOUND LOVE AND LONGTERM RELATIONSHIPS ON TINDER AND OTHER DATING APPS, HOWEVER, FOR OTHERS THEY USE IT AS A WAY TO PICK UP CHICKS OR GUYS FOR A ONE NIGHT FLING…HEY I EVEN OVERHEARD SOMEONE SAY THEY USE TINDER TO GET FREE DINNER! HOWEVER RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT TINDER HAS MATCHED OVER TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND TRANSGENDER USERS SINCE NOVEMBER 2017! 66.4% OF GAY USERS AND 62.1% OF LESBIAN USERS ON TINDER AGREE THAT USING THE DATING APP WILL LEAD TO A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP ! IT MAY WORK FOR SOME AND NOT FOR OTHERS BUT DATING WILL ALWAYS BE COMPLICATED ITS ALL ABOUT THE GAME… ARE YOU PLAYING? THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN THIS WAS SWIPE RIGHT WITH HAILEY ROSENBLATT.

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