#he doesn't have man hands bc i had to use my own as reference and my hands are bony asf 💀😭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

joelscurls · 6 months

Text

give in to temptation

pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

words: 5.5k

summary: you're in a relationship now — a good, healthy relationship — that doesn't stop you from texting your ex Javi late at night.

warnings: 18+ minors dni, post Narcos s3, porn with plot, smoking, alcohol consumption, explicit smut, sexting, infidelity (I do not condone cheating, but unfortunately it's hot when it's with Javi), reference to masturbation (f), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, unprotected piv, creampie, use of pet names (cariño, querida, baby, etc.); lmk if I missed anything!

a/n: hi! enjoy 5kish words of dubious morals bc I couldn't get this idea out of my head :)

Humidity clings to the walls, bedsheets strewn across your legs damp with sweat. You kick at them aimlessly, and the cotton grips tighter to slick skin.

In the curve of your palm rests your phone, ringer switched off and brightness turned all the way down — the last thing you want is to wake your boyfriend, dozing next to you as you text another man.

Your fingers are clammy where they wrap around metal, sweat pooling in the divots between your knuckles.

This is wrong; you know it’s wrong, just like every time preceding this one. But the guilt does nothing to slow the adrenaline racing through your veins. If anything, it makes your heart thump harder.

That, and the words pixelated on the tiny screen of your flip-phone.

Javi [2:03am]: I’ve been thinking about you all day, cariño. Got me so hard.

You’d met Javier Peña just over a year ago.

A young woman alone at the bar, you’d drawn him in like a moth to a flame. He had dark brooding eyes and a savior complex that’d been made more apparent with each story he’d shared about his time as a DEA attaché in Colombia, from which he’d recently returned.

Do you miss it? you’d asked, nursing a martini.

Like hell, he’d said. But I have nothing left to give.

I don’t know if I believe you, you’d countered with a wink.

Not an hour later, you’d found yourself in his living room, dress hiked up to your waist as he devoured you.

Sex with Javi was easy, mindless. For a while, his body served as a refuge for you after shitty days at work and arguments with your overbearing mother. A lone beacon in the fog, he was always more than willing to help you forget the stressors in your life. And your own name.

It was passionate, and filthy, and sticky — left your legs trembling and your head dizzy — each and every time.

With him, you didn’t have to talk. Didn’t have to think. It was just sex, with no strings and no labels. Your relationship, if you could call it that, was perpetuated by the transcendent pleasure you felt in the spaces between words, when your mouths were preoccupied.

But when your birthday came and went and you found yourself another year older, an aching feeling settled in your gut — a feeling that time had begun to pass more quickly than it used to. And on its heels came the desire for something more, something you knew Javi was not willing to provide: a relationship.

The decision to end things was mutual, amicable. It was the easiest “breakup” you’d ever gone through. Maybe because it wasn’t a “breakup” at all.

A few weeks later, you’d met Nathan, a law student with a polite disposition and an eagerness to settle down. He’d treated you well, the type to open doors for you and ask about your day. On all fronts, he was a good man — a little boring, but good.

After a month, you made it official. After two, he moved into your place.

And you stopped thinking about Javi, about the way his large hand had fit perfectly around your throat, the way he’d been able to coax you to orgasm in two different languages. No, you only thought about the man in front of you, the one with the steadily growing collection of argyle ties and the unstamped passport.

Sex with Nathan was admittedly different. He didn’t make you cum as quickly or as easily; your body didn’t crave his with the same amount of fervor it had Javier’s. But it was loving, sweet, what any woman would want…should want.

And it was normal that you thought about your ex sometimes when your current partner laid his weight on top of you, that you imagined a different mouth slotted against your neck or on your tits. Because certainly, everyone did that every once in a while. It was harmless.

As long as you never uttered his name out loud, he’d remain only in your head, lost to time to exist there forevermore.

But then came the day in the grocery store, on your date to the cereal aisle to restock Nathan’s favorite, bran flakes. He’d materialized like a ghost of good sex’s past.

You didn’t dare speak to him, didn’t trust yourself to. Under the bright fluorescent lights, you’d felt your palms begin to sweat, your throat constrict, eyes glued to the selection of boxes in front of you. But while Nathan debated between store brand and name brand, you’d snuck another cautious glance at him.

Javi’s expression was unreadable. He’d looked between you and Nathan as if he were trying to solve a rubix cube. One he was becoming increasingly frustrated by. He’d gripped the handle of his shopping cart so tightly, the skin on his knuckles appeared near translucent.

And then he’d disappeared, tiny wheels on the carriage screeching, noise barely audible over your pulse.

The first text came later that night.

Are you seeing someone? it’d read.

Yes, you’d replied. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk.

You’d quickly established ground rules: messages would only be exchanged after midnight, never two nights in a row, no calls, and — most importantly — Nathan would never find out.

Okay, Javi had said. Just one more rule: don’t use his name with me.

To your right, Nathan snores, the singular catch of an inhale in his throat, and the noise jolts you, face heating as if you’ve been caught.

Then he shifts, turns on his side, away from you. You feel a strange wash of relief. A semblance of privacy that you shouldn’t be after.

You respond to Javier with your tongue between your teeth.

You [2:04am]: thinking about me doing what?

Javi [2:06am]: Riding me. Your tits in my face. My hands on your ass.

Your breath catches, attention abruptly pulled to the incessant throbbing between your legs.

You definitely shouldn’t sneak to the bathroom and touch yourself. Shouldn’t send Javi a grainy photo of your fingers in your panties. Shouldn’t make yourself cum with your ex-lover’s name on your lips.

Not for the third time this week.

But when your cunt inadvertently clenches around nothing, your judgment is suddenly clouded.

With one last glance at the sleeping form beside you, you clamber to your feet and tiptoe down the hallway, wetness dripping down your thighs as you go.

The bathroom door closes with a quiet click. You fumble for the lightswitch, eyes reflexively squeezing shut when the room brightens.

You hover over the sink, steadying yourself against porcelain with one hand while you type furiously with the other.

You [2:10am]: yeah? you wanna suck on my tits?

The mirror parallel you reflects something out of a thriller, your pupils fully dilated and your forehead glistening with sweat. You almost don’t recognize the woman staring back at you in all her depravity.

You slump to the floor. Rest with your back to the side of the tub.

Javi [2:11am]: Dying to. Always felt so fucking perfect in my mouth.

Desperate fingers slip under the hem of your shorts, into your panties. The phone balances precariously in your other hand, thumb stumbling over buttons on the keypad.

You [2:12am]: I miss your cock.

Javi [2:13am]: That’s right, querida. Best you ever had, huh?

You [2:13am]: Yes. Always made me feel so fucking good.

Javi [2:15am]: Fuck. Are you touching yourself?

You swirl two digits at your entrance, amply coating them in your slick before dragging them up to your swollen clit. You can’t stifle the moan that slips past your lips.

You [2:16am]: yes

Javi [2:16am]: good girl

The phone distractedly tumbles from your grasp, clinking against tile as you begin to work yourself toward the brink.

And then — there’s a knock on the bathroom door.

The room spins, walls suddenly shrinking in on you as you wrench your hand out of your panties. Nathan’s voice on the other side is muffled, by the exhaust fan and by the ringing in your ears. But you can just decipher his words, his voice laden with sleep.

“Babe? Are you okay? I thought I heard-“

“Fine, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you say, scrambling to your feet, wiping wet fingers on your shorts.

The doorknob jostles, and it dawns on you then that you’d forgotten to fucking lock it.

“No! Don’t come in,” you sputter. The door hitches, less than an inch cracked. “I just had a stomach ache, but I’m okay now. I’ll be back in bed in a minute.”

“Oh.” He yawns. Pulls it shut again. “Okay.”

You brace yourself against the sink, struggling to slow your racing heart.

With a flush of the empty toilet, Nathan’s footsteps recede down the hall and out of earshot. You wash your hands, then, fingers shaking under the stream of lukewarm water.

You dry them hastily, not bothering to pick up the towel when it slides off the rail and onto the floor.

You [2:21am]: gotta go. sorry.

Javi [2:22am]: ???

Nathan is far too kind the following morning. He sets a plate of buttered toast and a mug of peppermint tea out for you on the kitchen table, and presses a nauseatingly gentle kiss to your forehead as you eat.

His amber eyes scan you like he’s searching for any indicators that you’re still hurting, fingers anxiously carding through his sandy hair.

You’re sure he’s clocked the dark circles marking your undereyes — not that he knows the real reason for them.

“I’m fine,” you promise when you feel him staring.

“Are you sure?” he probes. “The noise you made was…intense; you sounded really pained.”

Pained? Not exactly.

“I know.” You stuff the last bite of toast into your mouth. Tilt the empty plate toward him.

“But I’m okay; see? Even have an appetite this morning. It was just a weird bug or something.”

The lie burns on the way out, scalds your throat. But Nathan buys it. Doesn’t ask any further questions.

Still, he tells you to take it easy today on his way out the door.

You can’t look him in the eye when you insist that you will.

You call out of work, too sick with self-loathing to show your face in the office. Instead, you mope around all day, attempt to distract yourself with the overflowing hamper of laundry in the closet.

It’s futile though, your brain paralyzed by thoughts of Nathan finding out about the affair, and the clothes remain unwashed.

He returns that evening with a plastic bag in his clutch, the local pharmacy’s logo printed on the front.

“Here,” he says, pulling out a brand new heating pad. “I realized last night that we didn’t have one of these laying around.”

You know, at that moment, that you need to end things with Javi.

Nathan is good to you. He loves you with actions, not just words. Thinks of you before he thinks of himself, in every situation. And you — you’re cheating on him. Taking advantage of him. Not even trying to be what he deserves.

You’ll try harder. To love him, to think of him. No longer will you give in to brainless, animalistic needs. Surely, you can mimic the passion you have with someone else if you just try.

Try, try, try. You can do it.

Sleep evades you that night, coming in brief stints and leaving you breathless when you wake.

In those conscious moments, the analog clock in the corner of the room taunts you, glaring red neon making your head pound.

After three straight hours of tossing and turning, you decide it can’t wait any longer.

You fish your cellphone off the nightstand. Snap it open.

You [3:23am]: We need to end this before things get ugly.

You’re sure he won’t be awake this late; not without reason. But then — the screen blinks.

Javi [3:24am]: Nothing’s going to get ugly. Please, cariño.

You [3:24am]: I almost got caught last night. I don’t want to hurt him.

Javi [3:25am]: Can we talk about this? Javi [3:25am]: In person?

Your heart palpitates. For a moment, you swear it stops altogether.

You [3:26am]: What the hell? No Javi, I can’t.

Javi [3:27am]: C’mon. Just talk. Don’t you think you owe me that?

Your eyes flit to Nathan.

You watch him for a long moment: the steady rise and fall of his chest, the slouch of his shoulders, the gape of his mouth.

He’s well and truly asleep. You’re sure you could sneak away without him waking. Slip out the door and get a cab to Javier’s, talk things through, and be back in bed before the sun rises — before Nathan even knows you’ve left.

And then everything will be just as it was before you messed this up. You can leave Javi in the past, where he belongs.

Of course, you’re not just going to talk. Deep in your bones, you know that. Know that when he’s there in front of you, you’ll be too weak to resist any of his advances.

Still, you play coy. Ignore the spring of excitement tightening in your abdomen.

In a move of finality, one which you know you won’t be able to come back from, you stand. Make your way into your closet to pull some pants and a t-shirt on, your cell phone clutched in your hand.

You [3:30am]: Fine.

Javier sends you his address — as if you’d have forgotten it. As if the name of his apartment complex isn’t permanently etched behind your eyelids, along with the wide slope of his shoulders and the plush of his bottom lip.

When the cab pulls up to the curb, the driver is visibly concerned. His bushy, gray brows thread together and his narrowed eyes catch yours in the rearview more than once on the drive across town.

It’s only when you reach Javi’s building and hand over your fare that the man speaks.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? Quite late for you to be out on your own.”

His voice crackles, the smell of cigarette smoke heavy on his breath, and it’s strangely comforting.

“Yeah,” you promise as you push the door open and step out.

He rolls his window down, anxiously watching as you maneuver your way to the front door. And then he’s driving off, headlights vanishing into the thick night.

Javier lets you up on the first buzz. He’s waiting for you in the entryway of his apartment, leaning with a large hand pressed to the doorframe.

Your mouth goes dry at the sight of him: shirtless, bronze skin cast in the dim yellow light of the corridor.

His eyes rake over you the moment you’re in front of him, lingering when they catch on your collarbone, your breasts, your legs. He looks so imposing like this. You find yourself unable to move; frozen under his silent, lustful gaze.

“Are you — can I come in?” you ask meekly.

He nods then, a slow lift of his chin. Steps backward into darkness. You will yourself to take one step, and then another, following him over the threshold and past the point of no return.

It feels so odd to be here, in his space, with the intention of doing anything other than fucking. If you look close enough, you swear you can make out the shape of your body imprinted in the couch cushions, can hear lingering echoes of climaxes reached with your face shoved into one of his decorative pillows — can feel them, too.

Arousal pulls between your thighs. You ignore it.

You wonder how many other women have been here since you, have taken Javi in their hands or their mouths or their cunts. How many names that aren’t yours has he chanted in the throes of passion?

And — moreover — why do you care?

You don’t. You definitely don’t.

Javi pours you a glass of wine, fills a crystal with whiskey for himself. He flicks a lamp on, casting the room in an orange glow, and settles into the couch You follow his lead, perching yourself on one of the arm rests apprehensively.

“So,” you start. “About what we’ve been…doing-“

He cuts you off with a quirk of his brow, a flinch of his jaw.

“Javi,” you try again. “This has to — we can’t-”

“You’re sure you want to break it off, cariño?” His voice comes out low, dark.

And the thing is — you’re not sure. You wish you were, wish you had the strength to tell him definitively that it’s over, to go home to your boyfriend and block Javi’s number on the way out.

But the flex of his bicep when he hooks his arm behind his head, the knowing smirk playing on his lips, his cock — which you can’t see, but know is long and thick under his jeans — it all makes your head feel heavy.

You let the weight of it drop between your shoulders, hang there as you silently search for just a particle of sanity left in your being. You come up empty.

“Fuck,” you hiss, claw your fingers into your scalp. “This is — fuck.”

Leather groans under Javi’s weight. He stands. Steps in front of you.

You don’t dare look at him, not until he pinches your chin between two fingers and forces your gaze to meet his. His eyes are charcoal-black, something devious swimming behind blown pupils.

“Baby,” he croons. “Why did you really come here?”

You play dumb. “What do you mean? To — to talk.”

His thumb skates along the underside of your jaw, soft and placating.

“We’re not really gonna talk — are we?”

Your head spins, mind clouded by Javier’s words, his touch. You sense yourself losing resolve just as he pulls you upright by both hands.

You’re so close like this; can taste the whiskey on his breath, can feel the warmth of his exhale against your skin.

His mouth moves to the shell of your ear, voice a mere whisper when he speaks again.

“Wanna know what I think, querida?” he asks, palm flattening at your lower back, pushing you flush against him. “I think you came here because texting wasn’t enough anymore, huh? Think you missed me.”

And the truth is, you have missed him — painfully so. You’ve missed the timbre of his voice, the caress of his hands, the stretch of his cock. All just in reach, tangible for the first time in so long.

Your need for him borders on carnal. The feeling snakes its way up from your stomach into the cavern of your ribcage, splays its weight across your delicate, pounding heart.

And then the rational part of your brain whirs weakly to life.

What are you doing?

“I have a boyfriend,” you say. You’re not sure who you’re reminding.

“Mhm,” Javi mutters, deft fingers peeling the fabric of your t-shirt up, up, up your body. You don’t stop him.

“And does your boyfriend —“ he kneels down, presses a kiss where exposed skin meets denim — “make you feel as good as I do, cariño?”

You can’t answer that. It wouldn’t be right. Because any of this is.

“Javi — I,” you try, cut off abruptly by dull teeth in the flesh of your waist. You yelp, the sweet sting quickly dissipating as he pauses. Pulls back.

“You can say it,” he goads with a wicked smirk. “I won’t tell him.”

“He — no,” the words leave you before you even feel them in your mouth, and then you’re cursing yourself. You can’t take it back — it’s too late. Javi knows, you know. The only one still in the dark is Nathan.

Javier says your name. His tone is different, soberingly serious.

“Tell me to stop.”

Fuck.

“Tell me to stop,” he repeats, “and I’ll stop.”

“I can’t,” you whisper, so quiet you barely hear yourself.

“Cariño-”

“I can’t,” you stammer, louder. “I — fuck, Javi. Please.”

“Please?”

He knows what you’re asking for; he just needs to hear you say it.

“Please fuck me.”

In an instant, he’s standing back up, grasping at your sides and impatiently guiding you onto the couch. He brackets you against the cushions, one hand splayed next to your head on the backrest, the other popping the button of your jeans open.

You lift your ass as he tugs them down your legs, pulls them past your ankles and leaves them in a heap on the floor. And then he’s moving down your body, kneeling at your altar and prying you open for him.

You surrender to him willingly, desperation growing when he pulls your panties aside and gazes at your glistening sex, transfixed by you.

“This gorgeous pussy,” he hums, leaning down to taste you.

“Yeah?” you breathe. “You miss it?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he groans. Dips his tongue into the apex of your heat, refamiliarizing himself with your nectar before licking a languid stripe up to your throbbing clit.

You writhe under him, beg with wordless whines and whimpers for more. He knows your sounds, knows their tells, soothes you with a gentle shh against your cunt.

His lips wrap around your clit, then, envelope it completely as he starts to suckle, and the sudden sensation makes you buck your hips.

“Javi — fuck, oh — holy-”

He retreats, mouth shiny with your arousal. “What is it, baby? Your boyfriend doesn’t eat your pussy like this?”

“He doesn’t,” you admit breathlessly. Javi clicks his tongue. Faux-pouts at you.

His lips reattach to your clit and you curse.

“Fuck, Javi, he — he’s never-“

The half-admission stops him in his tracks. He stares back up at you with narrowed eyes.

“Cariño, don’t tell me he doesn’t go down on you?”

Your face heats. “He — he says he doesn’t like to do it.”

Suddenly, Javi looks livid.

His fingernails dig into the meat of your inner thighs mindlessly. You watch his lip twitch and his eyes roll to the ceiling.

He’s unaffected by much these days — but Javi clearly doesn’t take kindly to a man not pleasuring his woman. Especially when you are the woman in question.

“Pendejo,” he murmurs.

“Javi,” you whine. “Please.”

Your pleading voice seems to snap him out of it. Or at least remind him of the task at hand.

He returns his attention to your dripping pussy with one final huff. “Gonna take care of you baby, don’t worry.”

You anchor yourself with fingers of one hand twisted in the dark, sweaty curls at the crown of his head. Two digits on the other pinch at one of your hardened nipples, just as Javier begins to swipe his tongue back and forth over your clit.

“Fuck,” you sigh, draping your trembling legs over his shoulders.

He licks your cunt like he fears you’re going to melt, lathes over your clit again and again with the wide flat of his tongue. The wet squelch of him slurping at you, eager to catch every last drop of your arousal, bounces off the walls obscenely.

You hope, fleetingly, that his neighbors are heavy sleepers. Better yet, that they’re out of town.

Maybe he’s putting in extra effort because he knows now that your boyfriend isn’t doing this for you at home. Or maybe he’s just better at it than you remember. Regardless, you find yourself completely overcome with ecstasy, close to falling apart on Javi’s tongue in a matter of minutes.

As soon as he curls two fingers into your cunt, you’re gone, cumming so hard your vision pulls and your thighs shake.

You sing Javi’s name like a hymn. It rolls off your tongue effortlessly, naturally. Like it’s made for you to recite.

He lets you come down, soothes you with gentle hands stroking along your thighs, soft lips pressed to your sensitive mound.

When your breathing evens, he lifts off of his haunches, motions for you to lay flat on the couch with your neck supported by the armrest. And then he shucks his pants off, his cock immediately springing up to his stomach, a trail of precum dripping down his navel.

You’d forgotten how gorgeous it was — the heady, pink tip shiny with arousal, veins running along the underside of the thick base prominent. It twitches in interest as Javier leans down to kiss you, prods against your slick inner thigh when his tongue presses into yours.

You hook your legs around his back, desperately attempting to pull him closer, attempting to drag him into your achingly empty cunt.

He grins against your lips, hand moving between your bodies to guide himself to your entrance.

“Impaciente,” he mumbles.

You whine, nails digging into his shoulders. “Please Javi, need it.”

“Yeah?” He pauses with his cockhead right at your seam. “How bad?”

“Fuck — so bad, need it so bad.” Your nails burrow deeper into flesh. He hisses.

“God damn, querida; that much, huh?”

“Yes, Javi,” you groan. “Please just-”

He bottoms out in one deep thrust, effectively knocking the air out of your lungs. You moan in unison, his head falling against your shoulder as he slowly begins to move.

Your cunt sucks him in greedily, clenching around him over and over again. It’s intoxicating, the feeling of his cock nudging your g-spot with every roll of his hips. You wonder how you went so long without this. Fear you won’t be able to again.

He pulls all the way out and snaps into you before setting a new, brutal pace, one that leaves you babbling underneath him.

The room grows palpably warmer, white heat licking at your neck, your chest, your back — where it sticks to leather. You find yourself lost in the way your bodies move together; a dance you’ve done so many times before; one you’d perfected all those months ago.

“Shit,” Javi slurs. “Take me so well, cariño. Like you’re — ahh — made for me.”

I am, you want to say.

“Fuck,” you moan instead, “so good, baby. Feels so fucking good.”

And it does. You’re going to snap soon, going to cum for a second time, soak his cock.

You tighten around him, a silent warning. He slips out and you whine at the loss. But then he’s hiking your legs over his shoulders, spreading you wider for him and delving back in at a new angle that makes you scream.

You can feel it building now, like a snowball in your abdomen. You can’t fight it, can barely warn Javi, his name spilling brokenly from your throat as your orgasm crests.

He talks you through it with praises whispered in your ear. So beautiful, princesa — that’s it. So pretty when you fall apart on my cock. There you go; let it all out, baby.

Fucked-out and boneless, you beg for Javi to please cum inside.

He growls, low and primal, gripping tightly to the flesh of your waist as his thrusts begin to falter. “That what you want, querida? Want to — shit — want to go back to your boyfriend with me dripping out of you?”

“Yes,” you chant thoughtlessly, yes, yes, yes.

“Dirty. Fucking. Girl.” he grits, each word punctuated by a jerk of his hips.

He spills inside you with his teeth in the crook of your neck. There’s so much of it, filling your cunt, leaking out around his cock and onto leather. It sates you in a way you didn’t know possible, as if your womb needs to be claimed by him and only him. Nobody else will do.

You almost resent the feeling of your eyesight returning and your breaths steadying. You don’t want to come down — not if it means you need to go home.

But the sky outside is turning purple, bruising with the threat of a new day on the horizon, and you know your time together is nearly up.

“Javi,” you mutter, his chest still heaving against yours, cock softening inside you.

“Up.”

He shifts, pulls out in a devastating loss, and retreats to the opposite side of the couch.

You begin to knead the muscles in your aching calves, Javi fumbling with the pack of cigarettes on the side table next to him. He takes one out and lights it, the end glowing faintly.

“What do we do?” you ask. He rubs at the crease in his forehead, definitely set there by years of chasing after drug cartels. Maybe also by running away from meaningful conversation with you.

“You can’t go back to him,” he mumbles.

You scoff. “I can’t? I have to Javi, Nathan is my-“

“Don’t say his name,” he snaps, abruptly ashing his cigarette and turning to face you. He looks wrecked, his eyes wide and his lips downturned.

“What do you want from me, Javi?” you bite, pulling your panties back into place and reaching for your jeans where they lay on the floor. “You want me to be at your beck and call forever? Cheat on him until one of us dies?”

“I —“ Javi sighs. “No.”

“Then what?” You pull your pants on: one leg, then the other. Pull your shirt back down to cover your breasts.

“I — want you.”

You nearly choke on your own saliva.

“What?”

“All of you,” he clarifies. “When I saw you with him for the first time in that grocery store — my heart sank. I didn’t — didn't realize how serious my feelings were for you. Fuck, I shouldn’t have let you end things that day.”

He stands. Braces pleading hands on your shoulders.

“I know I’m an asshole,” he continues. “I thought I could never be someone’s partner. That I wouldn’t…wouldn’t be good. How could I be when I’ve done so much bad in my life?”

You sink into his touch. His words.

“Javi-“

“No, cariño — I need you to hear this. I want to be good for you, know I can be. I’ll do anything. I just — I can’t let you get away again.”

You feel as if you’ve just been struck by an arrow. Or, more accurately, a train. Your bones hurt and your insides twist.

You’re silent for a long moment, watching as his eyes desperately search yours. You know you need to say something eventually, put him out of his misery, but you’re too afraid to find out what happens next.

The undeniable fact that you want to be with him too is almost too much to bear. You’ll have to break it off with Nathan, split his heart in half. He doesn’t deserve it, you think, over and over.

But then, maybe you don’t deserve to remain unhappy. Unfulfilled.

Maybe you need to hurt him once in order to stop repeatedly hurting yourself.

“You’re good, Javier,” you say then. “You’re a good man. You deserve good.”

“Yeah?” his voice cracks. Tears prick in the corners of his eyes. He retracts them with a deep breath in.

You grab the sides of his face. “Yes. And I — I want you too.”

Javier kisses you, so deep you think your lips might bruise. There’s finality in it — you’re his and he’s yours — and no longer will you pretend that’s not the case.

He drives you back to your place, unwilling to let his girl get in another cab alone before daylight.

Laredo looks beautiful at dawn, all dozing buildings and empty roads. You pass by your workplace and groan at the realization that you’ll have to be back there in a few hours; you can’t call out again. A stack of unfiled reports will surely be waiting for you atop your desk.

That dread doesn’t last long, though, not when you look to the man in the driver’s seat, the one who makes your mouth water and your heart skip.

When he catches your gaze, corner of his mouth turning up at you mischievously, you know for certain that everything will work out just fine.

Javi turns onto your street slowly, moreso than he needs to, a possessive hand gripping your thigh.

“Will you let me know how it goes?” he asks when the car pulls up to the curb.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I mean, I think it’s safe to say it won’t go well, but-“

“I know. But if he gives you any more trouble than he needs to, you call me.”

Your eyes flit up to your bedroom window, blinds drawn up and curtains pulled aside. The room is still dark, Nathan no doubt still asleep.

You’ll go up in a second. After you kiss Javier one more time.

He seems taken aback when your lips catch his, maybe because it’s crazy to do this here, now. But you can’t help it. Can’t keep your hands — or your mouth — off of him now that you have him.

He relaxes into it after just a second, licking into your mouth to deepen the kiss, his hand moving from your thigh to the back of your head to hold you against him.

And then — he abruptly pulls away.

“Shit,” he curses, staring wide-eyed at the window.

You follow his eyeline, freezing when you see what he sees: Nathan, tall and shadowy, looking straight at you.

“Well,” Javi laughs nervously, “I think he knows.”

end notes: ty so much for reading! pls consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment if you enjoyed :)

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asahicore · 1 year

Text

gorgeous - lhs

"you should take it as a compliment that i'm talking to everyone here but you / and you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room" - gorgeous by taylor swift

series masterlist - part one - part two - part three

prompt 45 of the 100 kisses list, "we shouldn't do this" but they do so anyway

pairing. best friend's brother!heeseung x fem!reader synopsis. Heeseung comes back from his first year of university a new man - forget nervous, fidgety, dorky Heeseung and say hello to confident, teasing, flirty Heeseung. This change of attitude doesn't help your longstanding crush on your best friend's brother, and neither does the rising tension between the two of you - a tension that is bound to explode. genre. f2l, did i mention this was a best friend's brother au?, only fluff in this part but more to come, perhaps suggestive due to tension between reader and hee and makeout session lol word count. 8.1k (yes an asahicore fic under 10k thank u very much) a/n. hi loves i'm super happy to be posting this bc its the very first fic out of the 100 kisses event and its a project im really excited about !!! i know i said like 2 days ago it'd take me a while to write this but i got super motivated over the weekend and it turned out shorter than i thought and bestie @k-ingzo zo did a super amazing job at beta reading this so i was able to post it really quickly !! anyways hope you enjoy this, pls lmk,, and hope u look forward to the rest of the series as well !! ok bye

Nine years ago

“Y/N, honey, come meet your new friends!”

You rushed down the stairs at your mom’s call - at eight, you were always excited by the idea of new friends. She’d also called Naeun down, but lately, your sister had been acting like doing anything your parents asked her would cost her her life.

There in your living room were four unfamiliar faces, but your parents were smiling warmly, so you weren’t too nervous. Instinctively, you found your mother’s side and she rested her hand on your head, bending down to talk to you.

“Y/N, these are the Lees, they’ve just moved to the neighborhood.”

“Hi,” you greeted shyly, and were met with four hi’s in return.

“Heeseung and Seeun here started going to the same school as you,” she informs, nodding her head towards the young boy and girl. Now that she said it, the boy looked really familiar. You thought you recognized him from school that day - his glasses were definitely memorable. “And Seeun is the exact same age as you!” Your face lit up at that, and her expression mirrored yours as her lips curled into a smile. “Why don’t you show her your room?”

“Sure! Come on,” you said, holding out your hand for Seeun to take. She looked back at her parents who were nodding vigorously at her to follow you. You just played for half-an-hour, and Heeseung joined you quickly, saying he was bored with the adults downstairs. He didn’t talk much, instead found some of your toys to play with in his own corner.

When the Lees left, you were thinking two things: one, you couldn’t wait to tell Chaeyeong about Seeun, and two, that boy with the big glasses was really, really cute.

Now

“Seeun, why the hell didn’t you tell us that your brother is a mega-hottie now?!”

This is what your friend Chaeyeong whisper-screams in lieu of a greeting as she barges in Seeun’s room, plopping down on her bed like it was her own. It might as well have been, considering how long the three of you had known each other.

“If you ever refer to my brother as a mega-hottie again, I’m terminating this friendship,” Seeun replies, not bothering to look up from the bead bracelet she was currently making.

“Oh please, just because you’re his sister doesn’t mean you haven’t noticed how attractive he’s gotten,” Chaeyeong insists, but it just makes Seeun scrunch her nose in disgust.

“Chaeyeong, please stop making it so obvious you’re an only child,” Seeun sighs. You let out a giggle at your friends’ conversation as you search for another color that could go well with the pink beads you’d chosen for your own bracelet.

Stealthily, Chaeyeong leaves her spot on the bed and sneaks up to you. “Y/N!” she exclaims suddenly, wrapping her arms around your shoulders in a sneak-attack hug that makes you yelp. It makes you drop your half-finished bracelet, the beads falling all over the carpeted floor around you. You look up at Chaeyeong with a pout, but she just smiles at you and starts picking up the beads, gathering the tiny pink jewels in the palm of her hand.

“Y/N, you’re with me on this one, aren’t you?”

You ignore Seeun’s side-eye and give in to Chaeyeong’s encouraging expression. “I guess he does look very…” you pause to carefully consider your word choice. “Different,” you settle on.

“Different? That’s it? Y/N, you should really consider getting some glasses, seeing how you’re so blind to hot boys.” Cue a loud groan, Seeun’s courtesy. You just giggle again, slightly shaking your head at Chaeyeong’s antics. She rolled her eyes, disappointed that you didn’t back her up, but she drops the subject and switches to Seeun’s upcoming birthday party. Something great about being generally quiet? People don’t question it when you don’t partake much in a conversation. You listen and laugh as your friends bicker, but your mind is on something else.

Or rather, it’s on someone else.

Because Chaeyeong is absolutely right - Seeun’s brother has glowed up so much during his time away at university that you had a double-take when he opened the door for you earlier.

The sentence this is so unfair plays over and over in your head.

You’d heard of the freshman fifteen, of college first-years being so stressed over grades and having so little time that their diet consisted of instant ramen, quick cafeteria lunches, and an ungodly amount of coffee. And alcohol, on Friday nights, of course. After seeing how freshman year treated your older sister, you were dreading going to college, imagining it to be the complete opposite of what TV and movies had shown you.

So how the hell had Lee Heeseung gone from high school loser to campus hearthrob in the span of a mere nine months? (After some thinking, you realized that, well, if a woman can create a whole human being in nine months, maybe a regular guy can undergo great physical and mental change in that time, too.)

In September, when you’d last seen him, he wore the same glasses he had for all of high school - those slightly crooked ones that made his eyes look even bigger than they already were. He always had to push them back up his nose but he never bothered to get them fixed, even though all they needed was for the arms to be tightened. You remember his tic-like habit of readjusting his glasses, a habit so strong that he did it even when he wasn’t wearing them. Maybe they bothered him so much that he decided to get rid of them once and for all, you guess.

Indeed, when he greeted you at his front door earlier (even after years of knowing Seeun and her family and no matter how much they reassure you that it’s okay, you’re unable to come in without knocking first, like Chaeyeong does), he wasn’t wearing his thick lenses you’d grown fond of. His eyes didn’t look unfocused like they usually would without glasses, so you assumed he’d switched to contact lenses - you knew it wasn’t Lasik surgery, because Seeun was always complaining that her parents wouldn’t pay for her or her brother to receive it.

But it wasn’t just the glasses, of course not. There was an ease and confidence about him that he didn’t have before - no awkward giggles, no darting eyes, no weirdly positioned limbs. He held the door open for you and kept his eyes on you as you walked in, saying it was nice to see you again and asking if you were happy to be done with high school. You already weren’t expecting Heeseung to open the door in Seeun’s stead, so him actually looking at you while he spoke instead of mumbling a few words in your general direction and scratching the back of his neck rendered you completely flustered, cheeks heating up embarrassingly quickly.

His hair was different: it used to sit there atop Heeseung’s head, unsure what to do with itself, but now it was purposefully cut and slightly pushed back. When he turned his head, you saw something shiny dangling from his left ear.

Heeseung had a piercing. Shy, nervous, fidgety electronics club president Heeseung had a goddamn piercing, and it looked amazing.

And then he laughed. He actually had the audacity to laugh, and then ruffle your hair. You could’ve died right then and there. “You’re still just as cute as before,” he mused, beaming down at you. Then he walked away towards the living room, saying Seeun was in her room upstairs. As if nothing happened. As if you weren’t on the verge of combusting, your saving grace being your friend’s voice calling out your name. You ran up the stairs, wanting to get as far away from Heeseung and his smile and his voice and his touch as possible. You busied yourself with the pearls and the small bracelet-making station Seeun had organized, trying not to think about the vein that ran down his forearm or about how his shoulders looked wider than before. And you’d managed to do that, until Chaeyeong brought him up.

It wasn’t unfair because he’d grown mysteriously hot - it was unfair because to you, Heeseung had always been the cutest boy around, but now other people had surely noticed too, Chaeyeong amongst them. Now, you were just one of the many girls that had a crush on Heeseung, even if yours dated back to the first time you’d met him when the Lees moved into the neighborhood.

Their parents had been delighted that two girls of their daughter’s age - eight, to be precise - lived on their street. You were delighted that the cute boy you’d seen at school that day was her big brother, just one year older. Chaeyeong and you gladly welcomed Seeun into your friendship and you had each other’s back through the awkward phases of your early teenage years and the stressful times as high school seniors getting ready for college. You shared everything - clothes, jewelry, homework answers, gossip, tears, laughter. Secrets.

You liked to think there wasn’t a thing you didn’t know about them, but you couldn’t say the opposite was true - there was a secret you had to keep from them. A secret that grew bigger and bigger as time passed, but that you needed to keep locked in.

You had the biggest crush known to mankind on your best friend’s brother. It was either keep quiet or tell both of your friends; you trusted Chaeyeong, but you didn’t want her to carry that burden. You had no idea what Seeun’s reaction would be if you admitted you liked her brother, but you didn’t want to risk it. Every best friend’s brother (or brother’s best friend) romance you’d read had told you that the former was always against and deeply disgusted by the idea of their friend dating the latter. The last thing you wanted to do was make things weird, so you said nothing and suffered in silence, as one does. And so, for years, Heeseung was your little secret.

But not anymore, apparently. And it felt unfair. You didn’t have much of a chance to begin with, but now, getting with Heeseung was inimaginable. You’d just have to continue pining from far away, just as you’d gotten used to.

Four years ago

Your heart pounded as you made your way to the bus stop, steps heavy and head full of thoughts. Even though your older sister told you there’s nothing to worry about, you couldn’t help it. You were used to walking to school, not taking the bus. After three years of seeing the same people roaming the hallways, it was nerve-wracking to arrive at a place where most faces would be completely unfamiliar. You didn’t know what your teachers would be like, you were scared your classes would be a hundred times harder than before, you heard the cafeteria food was really bad. In short, you were absolutely dreading high school. And today was your first day.

The only thing that calmed you down was knowing that in a few minutes, you’d be with Seeun and Chaeyeong, and just seeing them would make you feel instantly better. You were meeting at the bus stop.

But when you reached it, neither of your friends were there. You shouldn’t have been surprised, since you’d come ten minutes early, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. That is, until you recognized someone else.

“Heeseung?” you called out before you could stop yourself. The boy snapped his head in your direction, and his eyes widened at the sight of you. Simple things like that made your heart burst with adoration for him.

“Oh, h-hi, Y/N.” He smiled the shy smile you loved so much and looked back at his feet, holding on tightly to the straps of his backpack. You stood next to him, close enough to have a conversation if he wanted to but not so close that it’d be weird.

Heeseung was the only person you felt awkward around. Even though you were on the quieter side and strangers weren’t your favorite people per se, being around people you didn’t know well wasn’t your definition of torture like it seemed to be for Heeseung and other kids from your school. But Heeseung’s awkwardness was contagious, and your crush on him didn’t help your ease of mind - so you imitated his posture, swaying back and forth on your feet as you held onto your backpack straps just to have something to hold onto. You smiled at the ground, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by looking at him, but that meant you missed the growing blush on his cheeks.

“So,” he started, “nervous?” He glanced quickly, just once, at you. You were so surprised at his breaking the silence, used to a quiet Heeseung, that you forgot to answer, simply staring at him. His panicked expression and mumblings were what jolted you out of your daze. “I-I mean, you know, cause it’s your first day and everything, and I was really nervous last year- I am today, too, actually- so I thought maybe, you know, you’re nervous too, but maybe you’re not, I don’t-”

He said all of this so quickly, you started laughing, slightly bending over. He let out a chuckle too, but as you continued laughing, a pout started to form on his lips. “What’s so funny…” you heard him grumble as he kicked a non-existent pebble.

“Sorry,” you said, regaining your breath. “I’m sorry, Heeseung.” The sound of his name made him glance at you again. You wished you could kiss the pout off his lips. “I was nervous, actually. But I feel better now.”

A quick smile appeared on his lips, but he willed it away. “I’m glad my embarrassment made you feel better,” he sighed.

You gently kicked his shoe with yours to make him look at you. “No, it’s because you made me laugh. I needed it. Thanks,” you corrected with a smile. Heeseung may have made you feel awkward, but the easiness with which he always got flustered made you love to tease him slightly.

His smile widened as he looked away once more, the blush having spread to his whole face by then. “Whatever,” he murmured. There was no time to say anything else because Seeun called out your name, practically skipping towards you.

She gave you an excited hug as a greeting before turning towards her brother with a glare, punching him hard on the bicep, making him wince in pain and reach his hand to cover his arm where she hit him. “Thanks for waiting for me, loser.”

“You were gonna make us late!” he whined, rubbing his arm.

“Yeah, ‘cause I obviously missed the bus,” she tutted.

You watched the siblings with an amused smile, used to the exact same kind of banter at home. Your sister, who was in her last year of high school, had decided not to drive you for some reason only an older sister could make up and pretend was reasonable. Your parents had tried to convince her, but you didn’t mind taking the bus with your friends, so they didn’t push it, just glad they could somehow keep the both of you happy.

Heeseung didn’t say anything in return. Your eyes met for a moment, and his frown relaxed into a smile when he caught your expression. It lasted a second but it was enough to make your stomach twist. Seeun, oblivious, grabbed your arm and started telling you about all the things she was excited about for today. You were worried Chaeyeong wasn’t going to make it, but her footsteps were loud as she ran, reaching you just as the bus stopped in front of you. Heeseung took what you soon found out was his usual spot at the front of the bus while your friends dragged you towards the back of it. You tried not to let your thoughts drift towards the boy with the messy black hair and crooked glasses, but his shy smile replayed in your mind all day. For a year, you’d gotten used to not going to the same school as him - you didn’t know how you’d survive seeing him at least five days a week once again.

Now

You were really determined to not let Heeseung’s newfound confidence sway you, physically shaking your head every time a thought of him popped in your head (useless) and racking your brain for reasons you shouldn’t like him (not many of those). There was just one teeny, tiny problem.

He was making it impossible to pine for him at a distance.

It seemed like everywhere you went, he was there. Maybe that was due to the fact that your most frequently visited place was literally his house, but still. It was frustrating. You didn’t need to be met with his stupid smile whenever he opened the door for you, you didn’t need to catch him cutely napping - how was that even possible?! - in the living room, a random sitcom still playing on the TV, you didn’t need to hear his laughter when his friends were over, and you definitely did not need to see him half-naked as he came out of the bathroom, hair wet from the shower and sticking to his forehead, towel wrapped low around his hips and his abs fully on display. Because of course, you had to be in the hallway, heading to the kitchen to get a glass of water, at the exact same time as him.

You almost start to resent the fact that Seeun had the comfiest bedroom out of the three of you, as well as the most snack-filled house, which was why you had decided years ago to hang out there the most. Especially during school breaks, you were there almost every day, so you were bound to see Heeseung a lot. But for some reason, that didn’t seem to be enough, and over the course of June, you also ran into him while shoe-shopping with your mom, then another time as you entered the public library just when he left it, and another when your friends and his had decided to get ice cream at the same time. It was like you couldn’t escape him.

The worst part? Every time he saw you, while you simultaneously wanted to run away from him and into his arms, his damnedly handsome face broke into a stupidly beautiful smile that looked far too genuine for your heart. “Y/N! Funny seeing you here!”

No, Heeseung, not funny.

You didn’t want to be that girl whose brain cells stopped working whenever she encountered an attractive male specimen, but that was apparently who you were meant to be, because all words left you when you saw Heeseung. Although you’d been somewhat flustered around him in the past, he was always much more so than you, which reassured you and gave you enough confidence to actually talk to him. But now that he had realized how handsome he was and was clearly using that newfound knowledge against you (or so you thought), you were unable to string a coherent sentence when his shiny eyes bore into yours.

You think he might’ve sensed your awkwardness, because he never lingered, never made useless small talk, just asked about your favorite ice cream flavor or the book he’d checked out, patted your head, then was on his way.

There were so many butterflies in your stomach, you were scared it might fly away.

One afternoon in the middle of July, you and your friends come back from the city pool completely exhausted after playing around for hours in the water. All bundled up and close together, you try to nap on Seeun’s bed. Keyword try, because even though your friends’ soft snores quickly start to fill the silence of the room, you can’t seem to fall asleep, no matter how heavy your eyes feel.

Quietly, you get out of bed and head downstairs to the kitchen, hoping a cold glass of water will help sleep come to you like it usually does. You shouldn’t be surprised to see Heeseung in the dining room/kitchen area, busy with a puzzle, the pieces of which he’s spread out all over the table, but your heart still does a flip. He must be really engrossed in it, because he doesn’t notice your presence in the room until you fill a glass with ice, the sudden sound making his head snap up at you. You hate that his face breaks into a grin as soon as he sees you.

“Oh, hey, Y/N! What are you doing?”

“Just getting some water,” you explain, raising your glass with a small smile. Your whole body tells you to run away, back to Seeun’s bedroom, but something in your gut tells you to stay, to get closer to Heeseung. So you do. “What about you?” you ask, slowly making your way towards the table and peering at the puzzle in progress.

“Just whipping up some brownies,” he retorts with a devilish smirk, big eyes looking up at you.

You fight back a smile in vain. “Shut up,” you mumble, but take a seat next to him anyway. He seems slightly taken aback by the sudden proximity, and you are too, but you keep your gaze focused on the puzzle in front of you so that you can’t think too much about how close you’re sitting, and how your knees could touch if you angled them just so.

For a small while you sit in silence, watching as he puts pieces together and even finding a couple of your own. It’s a one-thousand piece jigsaw that he’s clearly only just started, but Heeseung doesn’t seem fazed by that. You like seeing how his eyebrows slightly furrow when he’s searching for a particular piece, and the pleased smirk that graces his lips when he finds it. You break the silence after a few minutes.

“So you still like puzzles, then?” you ask, voice low. You’ve always been told you speak quietly - even too quietly sometimes, but you can’t always help it. Especially in situations like this, when it’s silent around you anyways, you don’t see the point of raising your voice. When Heeseung replies, he speaks at the same volume as you, and there’s something comforting about it, about speaking quietly in such a spacious and sunlit room - the words you share are for you two, and you two only.

“Yep, ever since that day.” He glances quickly at you and smiles at the piece in his hand, and it’s like getting a glimpse of the Heeseung you had known all those years. Your heart warms at the sight.

“That day?”

This makes him look properly at you, his eyes darting back and forth between yours as if searching for something there. Your heart is now on fire. “Don’t you remember?”

You tilt your head in response and he turns his attention back to the puzzle. “It was at this table, too. I think your grandparents- your grandma, I think? Anyway, someone had gotten you a puzzle for your birthday.”

You ‘ah’ in realization. “Of course!”

Two years ago

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this, it’s so complicated,” Seeun pouted apologetically, looking at you sadly. “We’ve been here like an hour and we’ve barely gotten anywhere.”

Chaeyeong, head on the table, groaned in agreement. You followed your friend’s gaze to the puzzle in front of you - she was right, you hadn’t made much progress. But you liked it. The picture was pretty and you’d like to see it completed, but more than that, you liked finding the right piece, figuring out strategies.

You hummed, mirroring Seeun’s pout. Chaeyeong snapped her head back up to look at you. You’d think she hadn’t slept in days, but that was just bored Chaeyeong. You loved your friend and her over-dramatic antics. “Can we just take a break?” she asked, tone like you’d kidnapped and forced her to do this.

“You guys go ahead.” You smiled. “I like it, I can just continue this for a while and you guys do whatever you want.” The three of you spent so much time together that you didn’t need to be doing an activity together to be happy - being in each other’s general vicinity was enough to be considered a hang-out.

“You sure?” Seeun asked.

“Yeah, ‘course.” You chuckled at the obvious relief on your friend’s faces. “Just don’t watch the next Extraordinary You episode without me, okay?”

They both gasped and clutched their hearts like you’d accused them of murder. “How could you even think that, Y/N?!” Chaeyeong exclaimed.

“We would never!” Seeun added.

You shook your head at your friends’ antics, laughing as you waved them off. “Just go, already.”

“Yes, ma’am!” And with that, they were off, running up the stairs to Seeun’s bedroom.

You were only on your own for around ten minutes - the front door opened and closed, and the quiet shuffle of shoes being taken off and replaced with slippers let you know Heeseung had just come home. Seeun always made a show of being exhausted after school, groaning as she threw her backpack to the ground, while Mr and Mrs Lee always announced their arrival with a sometimes cheery, sometimes tired ‘I’m home!’. But Heeseung, quiet as always, simply set his backpack next to the stairs, slipped into his slippers and made his way to the kitchen, fond of a quick snack after school. Even Chaeyeong made herself more known when she entered the Lee household.

Every day except for Fridays, he came home two hours later than his sister because of either magic or electronics club (yes, magic club. It was cute, okay?!). You always looked forward to the monthly meeting of the book club you were in, partly because it meant you could take the bus back with Heeseung afterwards. Even if the ride was usually mainly silent, just sitting next to him was enough for your heart to do all sorts of tricks worthy of an Olympic gymnast.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” he greeted softly, probably surprised at seeing you alone at the dinner table.

“Hi, Heeseung. How was the electronics club?” You wanted to make conversation, but you winced immediately at your words - was it normal for you to know what club he had on what days?

But Heeseung seemed to pay it no mind, just smiling shyly, a blush already creeping on his cheeks. “It was nice, thanks.” He opened the fridge, taking out a carton of milk. “Do you want a glass?” When you didn’t respond immediately, he was quick to add, “Of milk? O-or orange juice? Or I can make some tea, if you want-”

His hands were already busy with preparing whatever drink he thought you might want. You held back a chuckle and smiled as you answered, “Milk is fine, thanks.”

His blush spread all the way down his neck and you turned your attention back to the puzzle so he wouldn’t see your grin. “Right, milk. Milk,” he stammered, then got two glasses out of the cupboard.

You loved moments like these with Heeseung - flustered, light-hearted, slightly awkward, moments that made you want to giggle out of nerves and delight. Basically every moment with him was like this, so it’d be more accurate to say you loved every moment with him.

“I didn’t know you liked puzzles,” he said, an upward tilt to his voice, as he set your glass next to you and took a seat across from you. He peered down at the pieces spread out in front of you, fixed his glasses on his nose, and took a big gulp of milk.

“I didn’t either,” you said with a chuckle, and stammered out an explanation when he looked up at you questioningly. “My, um, my grandma gave this to me for my birthday last month. She’s got a lot of grandkids, you know, and I think she might’ve mixed up my other cousin who likes puzzles and me…” Heeseung nods slowly, the corners of his lips tugging up in amusement. “But I don’t mind it,” you add, “I’m having fun, actually. Seeun and Chaeyeong are of a different mind, though. It’s a bit hard doing it on my own but I like it anyway.”

“I can help you,” he suddenly blurted out, and he looked just as surprised at his words as you were. “If you want.”

You smiled at him, and Heeseung and you actually looked at each other, actually held eye contact for three seconds, until you felt your face burn and had to look away. “Sure, yeah, that’d be nice.”

Although it took some time to finish the puzzle - putting 500 pieces together was a lot trickier than you thought it’d be - Heeseung and you managed to do it, high fiving celebratorily after almost two hours of hard work.

Now

“I just had a lot of fun that day.” Heeseung shrugs. “Plus, I already liked things like Legos and Rubik’s cubes, so it made sense I’d like puzzles, too.”

You nod in response, watching as he twirls a puzzle piece between his thumb and middle finger. “It’s funny that my grandma’s mistake is what made you discover your love for puzzles.”

Heeseung chuckles along with you, and you’re relieved the atmosphere is somewhat lighter than before until he looks straight into your eyes, locking your gaze in his own, and a breath gets trapped in your throat. “I’m glad she did that, otherwise we wouldn’t be here right now.”

You’re still staring at him, dumbfounded, mouth agape, when he looks away with a smirk and turns his attention back to the puzzle, analyzing it seriously as if nothing happened. You come back to your senses after a few seconds, clearing your throat before imitating Heeseung and trying to focus on the puzzle once again. But that’s hard to do when your hands brush ever-so-slightly every time you fumble around the pile for a particular piece, or every time he hits your knee with his, inadvertently or to tease you, you’re not sure.

The first thing to do when starting a puzzle is looking for all the side pieces to build the frame. When Heeseung spots one in the pile next to you, he leans in to grab it, and he’s suddenly close enough for you to get a whiff of his cologne that had faded over the day. You think he’ll just take the piece and sit back in his seat, but instead, he turns his head towards you, and that’s when you realize just how close you are. Close enough that it wouldn’t be hard to close the gap and have your lips on his - just as the thought hits you, his eyes drift down to your parted lips. Is he thinking the same thing?

You take a sharp breath in, eyes fixed on Heeseung, mind racing with thoughts and assumptions of what might be going through his head right now. But your brain goes haywire when a smirk blooms on his lips, clearly enjoying your reaction. His gaze finds your eyes once more and he raises the piece between the two of you, in the small space that separates you. “Got it,” he says quietly, voice lower than usual. It makes your insides melt. He could be very well talking about you - he’s got you absolutely wrapped around his finger, and he seems to know it.

He turns back to the puzzle, smirk still on his lips, and you’re so embarrassed and confused that your flight instinct kicks in. The screech of your chair as you push it back and stand up makes Heeseung look up at you again, his smirk having dissolved in surprise and - disappointment?

No time to ponder, you need to get. out. of. here.

“Right, well, that was fun, haha,” you breathe out, actually saying the word ‘haha’ and wanting to run away even more thereafter. “I should probably head back to the girls, now.” You’re already backing up and walking away when Heeseung calls out your name, but you just turn around and rush back upstairs, yelling out a small “bye, Heeseung!” on your way.

You’re already back in Seeun’s bedroom when Heeseung shakes his head at your sudden disappearance, an amused smile playing on his lips. “Cute,” he says under his breath.

To minimize any chances of running into Heeseung, over the next two weeks, you ask Chaeyeong and Seeun if you could hang out at your house more often, using the excuse that you want to spend as much time as possible there before leaving off to college. They don’t question it too much - next year, they’ll be able to come back fairly regularly to their parent’s houses, since the college they’re going to is less than an hour-long car ride away, but you’ll be further away, too far to come back home often.

It just so happens to be the university Heeseung is studying at, but you don’t need to worry about that right now. They had one of the best English Lit programs in your area and you’d been wanting to go there for all of your high school years - you used to think of Heeseung’s going there as a pro, but right now, it felt more like a con.

You manage to only run into him twice over the course of those two weeks, and both times, just in passing. But now it’s the night of Seeun’s birthday party and it’s impossible to pretend he isn’t there even when you’re in a crowded room together. Heeseung and Seeun’s parents have lended their house for their kids to have a party there, using it as an opportunity to have a date night, and Heeseung and his friends have graciously provided a big portion of the alcohol, saying it was their birthday gift.

You aren’t the biggest fan of alcohol, so you opt for the fruitier, lighter drinks, but still, two hours after the party starts, you can already feel your head start to spin, your voice is louder, everything makes you laugh. When a friend from school tells you they’re playing seven minutes in heaven in the hallway upstairs, you think that's the funniest thing you’ve ever heard and immediately agree to join.

The sight of Heeseung sitting in the circle, already looking at you with a lopsided smile, almost sobers you up completely.

You’d tried to avoid him as best as you could, but it was like you couldn’t escape him - maybe that was due to the fact that the heart of the party was kept to the kitchen and the living room, just a few people sitting on the stairs at the entrance to get away from the noise, but still, it annoyed you to no end that you had to keep seeing him everywhere. Maybe that was also what made the alcohol easier to down.

At some point, you were in the kitchen, doing a shot of God-knows-what with girls from school. You heard his voice before you saw him, and it made you roll your eyes but also your heart skip a beat. “Didn’t know you were such a drinker, Y/N.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, and when his face came into view, you wanted to slap it away. Or kiss it away, maybe.

“I’m not, I’m just trying to have fun,” you retorted, eyebrows slightly furrowed as you poured yourself another shot. I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas started playing in the next room and the girls shrieked before rushing to the made-up dancefloor. You wanted to join them, but something kept your feet firmly planted at the kitchen counter.

Before you could bring the shot glass to your lips, however, Heeseung stole it from you and downed it himself. “Hey!” you protested, but it was done, and he was scrunching his nose at the bitter taste, shaking his head. You wished he could stop being attractive for one damn second.

“You don’t need that to have fun.”

He placed his forearms on the kitchen counter and leaned on them, forcing him to look up at you. You had no idea what the hell he meant by that, nor did you want to try and figure it out - all you knew was that you couldn’t stay there with him when he looked at you so intently, cheeks flushed from the alcohol, hair perfectly disheveled and biceps apparent even under his t-shirt sleeves.

“You’re right, I don’t,” you made yourself say, and spun on your heels to join your friends on the dancefloor.

And a few drinks later, here you are, sitting in a circle on the hallway floor, Heeseung right in front of you, leaning back on his palms and looking down at you with that same stupid smirk once again.

The game goes as such: one person spins the bottle twice, and the people it lands on have to go to a bedroom closet for seven minutes (timed carefully by Jake, Heeseung’s friend who is taking this game very seriously) to do whatever they want, while the others occupy themselves with other games. When the seven minutes are up, the doors burst open, and you have to leave the closet.

And because it wouldn’t be any fun otherwise, after a few rounds, the bottle points straight at you, then straight at Heeseung, and before you know it, everyone except for Seeun is cheering, and Heeseung is holding out his hand for you to take, and you do, and he raises you up, and together, you head to his closet, as per the rules of this stupid middle-school game you should never have agreed to play in the first place. You can barely Seeun’s voice as she shouts, “Y/N, I trust you!”, which just makes Chaeyeong burst into laughter and whoop louder for you. You’d also barely registered Heeseung’s friends clapping each other’s backs, smiling like they were in on something.

The sound of the closet door shutting is what snaps you out of your daze. You hadn’t even realized Heeseung had kept your hand in his until he released it, leaning his back against one wall of the closet, facing you. All three bedrooms in the Lees’ house had built-in walk-in closets which meant you weren’t sandwiched between Heeseung and his clothes, but still, you wished you could put more distance between your two bodies - one step closer, and you were done for.

It wasn’t just Heeseung’s presence in the narrow space - it was his scent filling your nostrils, the combined smell of the cologne he was wearing, of the fabric softener on his clothes, and an unfamiliar scent you somehow recognized as unique to Heeseung, his skin, his hair, smells you’d wanted to discover for years but never got close enough to. Well, now you did. And it was intoxicating - you wanted more, wanted to bury your face in the crook of his neck and inhale. You wanted to know what his reaction would be, if he’d let you, if he’d push you away.

All those thoughts were running wild in your head. You didn’t know what to do with yourself. Your stomach was in messy knots, your hands were sweaty and you had no idea where to place them, your eyes wouldn’t stop darting around the dark room. Everywhere but Heeseung. You could feel his eyes on you, but you were too nervous to meet them.

Your breathing must’ve gotten loud enough for him to hear, because all of a sudden, you feel his hand take yours, and he’s stood up from his position against the wall, his body too close to yours for your heart to handle. His thumb rubs what he must think are comforting semi-circles on the back of your hand, but the touch just destroys any capability of thinking straight you had left.

“Y/N,” he calls out, and the sound of his voice makes your eyes close shut. You cannot give in. You had seen Seeun’s disgusted expression when you and Heeseung were picked for the game - if just the idea of you and her brother kissing repulses her, what would she say if she knew it actually happened, or if you started dating? You may have the biggest crush ever on Heeseung, but no one was worth losing your friendship with Seeun.

“Calm down,” he says, and you wish you could be as steady as his voice. “There’s no reason to be nervous.”

This makes you scoff. “You touching me is not helping my nervousness.” The words are out before you can stop them, and in the darkness of the room, you have to concentrate to make out the tilt of Heeseung’s head. You don’t need to see it to know he’s smiling, the satisfied smirk that has been gracing his features for the past month and a half.

“Yeah? Why is that?”

You take your hand out of Heeseung’s and cross your arms over your chest. “You know why,” you say, not intending your voice to come out as weak as it does.

Heeseung takes another step closer to you, and the only ray of light that comes through the panels of the closet door hits his face, making it visible for you to see. “I do, but I want you to tell me.” Another step, making you back up until you hit the wall behind you.

You call out his name shakily. His lips are right in front of you at this point, and you can’t not look at them.

He places a hand delicately on your waist, as if not wanting to scare you off. “Yeah?” He’s so close now that you can feel his breath fanning on your lips.

“We shouldn’t do this,” you say, and finally, your voice is strong like you want it to - but Heeseung isn’t deterred by it.

“Do what?” he asks, pretending to be stupid. “We haven’t done anything. Not yet.” He adds the last part in a whisper, his eyes drifting down to your lips, and you can feel your resolve crumbling piece by piece, the opposite of completing a puzzle.

“You know what I’m talking about,” you whisper back, voice almost pleading with him. Stop this before it’s too late, you want to tell him, but for some reason, at this point, you’re more scared of nothing happening than something happening.

“I do, but I want you to tell me,” he repeats, and you can’t help but let out a chuckle. Laughing helps relieve the tension, but it’s back as quickly as it left when his hold on your waist gets tighter, bringing you closer to him. Your hands that had fallen to your side come up to grab the sides of his t-shirt, gathering the fabric in your fists. There’s no going back now, you can tell - you wait for Heeseung to make a move, both dreading it and craving the relief that will come with it.

Heeseung’s free hand comes up to your face, and he traces your jawline with a knuckle before taking your chin in two of his fingers, gently raising it so that your face is angled up towards him. His touch makes your skin burn and takes away your ability to breathe properly.

“We shouldn’t do this,” you repeat, voice barely audible, a weak and half-hearted attempt at stopping this now that you still can.

“No, we shouldn’t,” he agrees, and before you can say or do anything else, Heeseung presses his lips to yours, finally, finally.

His lips are just as soft as you’d expected them to be, and the kiss is light, slow, careful. You’re grateful for it, because you’re not a very experienced kisser - if Heeseung had plunged his tongue directly into your mouth, you wouldn’t have known what to do. It’s almost like he knows this, like he’s giving you time to figure it out, to get used to it. His hand snakes its way to the small of your back, pressing you closer to him, while the other cups your cheek with his palm. You, on the other hand, have completely forgotten about your hands, only able to focus on where your lips meet.

It’s easy to fall into Heeseung’s rhythm, to let him take control of the kiss. But maybe it’s too easy, because soon enough, you start to want more - as amazing as this is right now, a slow kiss like this is not enough to have dissolved the tension in your body. You remember your hands and inch them up to his hair, your fingers finding purchase there and slightly pulling as you open your mouth just a bit wider, hoping Heeseung will get the message.

For a second, you think you’ve got it all wrong - Heeseung pulls back an inch, peering down at you. You’re both breathing heavily, and you’re scared you might have gone too far. But then, he murmurs a small fuck under his breath, and just like that, his lips are back on yours, your back is pressed against the wall again, his body encaging your smaller one. The kiss now is nothing like it was seconds ago - it’s turned hungry, hot, messy. You love it.

You had no idea you would want to kiss Heeseung like this, but now that you were doing it, you couldn’t get enough. The intensity with which he held you, the feel of his tongue against yours, the small groans that escaped his lips every time you pulled on his hair, it was all making you more drunk than the alcohol had.

You swear you haven’t even been kissing for two minutes, but then, all of a sudden, the doors are snapped open, and light pours in the closet, and Heeseung’s lips aren’t on yours anymore. You hadn’t heard the timer go off, too engrossed in Heeseung to pay anything else any mind. When you turn your head, Chaeyeong and Jake are staring at you and Heeseung, mouths wide open and eyes darting back and forth between the two of you.

“Oh. My. God,” Chaeyeong says, while Jake starts laughing. A shy smile appears on Heeseung’s lips, even plumper and pinker than usual from your kiss. His hair is a mess, and you’re sure you don’t look too different. He scratches the back of his neck, and you can’t believe this sheepish boy is the same that was kissing you roughly not a minute ago.

“Chaeyeong,” you cry out, voice already pleading as you take a step out of the closet and take both of her hands in yours. “Seeun can’t know about this.” She raises her eyebrows in surprise but nods her head in agreement, and you’ve never been so thankful for your friend as now.

“Would she really mind?” Jake asks, looking at you, then at his friend. You turn to look at Heeseung behind you, who purses his lips.

“I’m not sure, but I have a feeling she would… She’s always told me she didn't want me hanging out with her friends,” Heeseung says, and you and Chaeyeong exchange a look; this was news to both of you.

You have no further time to discuss it, however, because Seeun’s voice calling out your name and Heeseung’s make all four of you widen your eyes. Chaeyeong fixes your clothes and hair as best as she can, then smiles at you reassuringly and nods, prompting you to imitate her. She ushers Heeseung into his bathroom and tells him to “freshen up or whatever,” and you, Jake and Chaeyeong leave the room just as Seeun reaches the door.

“Where’s Heeseung?” she asks, not a trace of suspicion in her voice, peering behind you into her brother’s dark room.

“Just needed the toilet,” Jake answers quickly, and that seems to convince her.

She turns to you, an amused expression on her face. “Hope that wasn’t too awkward.”

You’re so surprised at your friend’s quickness to assume that nothing could happen between you and her brother, as if the idea was truly unfathomable to her, but you figure it’s for the best. You all head back into the party, Heeseung appearing some five minutes later. He scans the room for you, and when you make eye contact from across the crowded living room, he smiles, his shy, genuine smile that you’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

You already miss him, you realize, his lips, his touch, his scent. That’s how you know that you’re in deep, deep shit.

permanent taglist: @k-ingzo @bbujiikseu @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl (ask to be removed/added!)

#enhypen x reader #heeseung x reader #enhypen fluff #heeseung fluff #enhypen scenarios #heeseung scenarios #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung fanfiction #enhypen imagines #heeseung imagines

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hoshigray · 1 year

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Only You Can Tie My Hands | K. Nanami

Hear me out: Nanami returns home from work to his loving partner, and you happily welcome him. Taking off his blazer, led him to the bedroom, giving him a "massage," doing all the things to help ease the poor blonde of stress. But what does a "massage" entail, and why does it involve his necktie?

A/n: Although it may seem like I only write for Toji because most of the stuff I put out is about him (bc I'm his one and only domestic wife outside of his late one whom I respect), don't get it twisted!! Some of these JJK men can make me swoon just like him (Choso and Nanami, my darlings~~~), so I'm writing yet another lil something in honor of one of them! This draft was an option for a poll but wasn't picked for a drawing. However, that doesn't mean I can't post it at all sooooo you get a win, Nanami stans :D

Cw: slight dom! reader x Nanami - the reader is androgynous or gn! bc I wrote pretty ambiguously in this piece - slight bondage (you tie up Nanami's wrist with a ribbon cloth) - sex with a blindfold (using Nanami's tie) - sensual touching - kisses on the body - handjob - ball massaging - blowjob - pet names (Nanami calls you beloved, darling, love, sweet pea; you call him "babe" and "honey") - throatfucking kind of (??) bc you go at your own pace.

Wc: 2k

It was a difficult day, but that's usual for Nanami Kento.

Today he had meetings after meetings with many of his sorcerer subordinates, had to go on two missions, and, of course, had to deal with the ever-annoyingly casual Gojo Satoru.

Nothing he couldn't handle, but the poor blonde man would be a fool to say he wasn't exhausted. All he wants to do is be in his space, his home. He can practically feel the soft surface of his bed.

It's all he's thinking about when he opens the door to his apartment and crouches to take off his shoes.

"Kento!"

Okay, that was a lie. There was something else he's been dying to see once he left work. Something more precious than his bed.

Then comes you walking from the corner, and your bright smile was the first thing that captured him. It was filled with such a glow that his fatigue almost vanished there and then.

He offers a small smile and straightens himself to greet you. "Hello, my love."

Your smile beams harder. It was a good thing Nanami wore his goggles before removing them. You rush to kiss him, and he hums into your lips. Then your gleeful glow is substituted with instant worry. "Oh honey, what happened to you? You look as if you didn't eat anything!"

"I didn't," Nanami admits as you unbutton and take his tan blazer. He follows you to the bedroom, where you hang his suit in the closet while he flops onto the bed.

"Kentyyy~" You use his nickname before you lecture him. A smile quirks up on his lips because you're the only one who refers to him with said name, and he prefers to keep it that way. "You're so lucky I cooked up something. You know you have to eat!"

Nanami hums, readjusting to lie on the pillow and headboard. His eyes follow your figure sit beside him, a warm hand coming up to stroke his cheek. "I know, darling. I was just caught up in too much, is all."

And you know he's telling the truth. It's the fourth day in a row that Nanami comes from work looking way more exhausted than he'd allow. But it was worse yesterday when he returned from past daylight hours, surprising even him. His face still looks the same, but you can make out slight depictions of dark circles forming under his eyes and muscles tensing, not from lack of sleep but because of his body being worn out.

Despite your worry, all he asks is for you to stay safe and smile. And you do just that with a willing heart. Thank goodness it's a Friday.

"Well. since the weekend is finally upon us," a brow is drawn upwards from your building excitement. "I cooked your favorite: chicken alfredo. But!" You cheekily stop him from saying something because his mouth opens, yet no words dare leave until you finish your sentence. "With a bread bowl! And yes, the pasta isn't ribbon."

A chuckle is well-received as you smile harder. "Oh, really? Is that what you've been working on all day?"

"Uhh, of course!" You proudly huff as you lightly pinch his cheek. "You've been working too hard this week, so you deserve to be spoiled by me!"

"You spoil me already just by living with me, my love." He leans in to kiss you, which you gladly reciprocate. One kiss leads to two, and two leads to three.

You break the kiss when you feel a hand finds its way behind your head, giggling at his sneaky action. "Aht aht aht, can't go having dessert without a meal."

"Oh, I know," his forehead gently lands on yours, "but wouldn't you be so kind as to let a tired man like me have a little taste?"

The way his mocha brown eyes survey yours, practically begging you for any sign of yielding to his request, it almost has you drop your guard down. But something else comes to your mind, and you can feel your grin go from ear to ear.

"Perhaps I have an idea to relieve you from your stress, Mr. Nanami." You lightly push his back onto the headboard, your eyes silently commanding him not to move from that spot. He indulges as you get up and grab for something in the closet. You come back to the bed with a smooth ribbon fabric. "Please put your hands up above your head."

A brow is raised, yet Nanami continues to oblige your wishes. With grace and patience, you wrap the fabric around his wrists and tie them onto the headboard. Nanami now voices his thoughts. "Something tells me you're going to get more out of this than me."

You only giggle as you untie his necktie from his blue dress shirt. "I wouldn't say that when I haven't even started yet, Kenty." You then tell him to close his eyes and wrap the dotted material around them.

Completely vulnerable in his line of sight, Nanami feels the weight of your body dent the bed as you move from the side of him down to where his legs are. He feels your hands slide down from his chest in tease, fingers delicately tracing his abdomen after you unbutton his shirt to reveal his well-built physique. You sensually kiss his body as your hands roam to his tan pants.

His breathing goes uneven when you spread his dressed legs apart, leaving his clothed groin in your line of vision. He hears you hum in loving anticipation. Oh, you're definitely getting a kick out of this. The sound of the zipper on his trousers alerts him, and he'd be a fool if he denied the titillation brewing inside him.

As for you, the image of his hard cock in his briefs has you swooned. The urge to pounce him beats your head like a drum, but that will have to wait for later. Because right now is meant to be a moment for him to relax and possibly give you something to do after cooking all day. The groans from Nanami when you stroke his member through the underwear are so hot to the ears that your ass sways from side to side to ease the heat growing south.

When his length is set free, your breath hitches at the marvelous sight. Even after all this time being together, you can't control the arousing pulsation of your core that manages to creep up whenever you see his dick. It's good that Nanami's blindfolded because how you liked your bottom lip would've baffled him.

Speaking of him, the blonde isn't used to this. When it comes to intimacies, looking at you is the highlight. Watching you ride him while his rough hands propel you down to his cock, how your body struggles to take his fingers drilling inside your sensitive hole, or the beatific expression on your face as you beckon him to come close for a kiss as he drives himself deep within you.

Just looking at you as he does whatever with your body can drive him crazy. Take that away, and Nanami feels like he's in an uncertain territory where you do what you want with him. It's a rarity and totally out of routine...That doesn't mean he doesn't like it, though.

How can he, when he silently gasps for air when he feels a wet muscle slide along the underside of his shaft? Or when your lips place teasing kisses on the beautiful veins that decorate his dick? And, oh Lord, when your tongue laps around the tip, causing the man to bite down on his lip?

You laugh at his attempt to suppress himself. "It's alright, honey, no need to limit yourself. Let it all out." You coo at him as your hand snakes up to his dick as the other massages his inner thigh. Pretty fingers slide up and down the length, and the pads of your fingertips rub against the sensitive tip, causing the poor blonde to groan through gritted teeth.

"Haaaah, haaah—Hnngh!" You could listen to his whimpers all day. "Aghhh—Y/n, my beloved, you're so..." The way he slightly ruts his groin towards you is telling. You smile at him even when he can't see it, but he knows you are. He knows you're watching and listening to him dissolve into a mess.

"I know, babe. I know just how to make you relax, huh." The hand on his inner thigh moves to his sack as the other strokes the base. Nanami jolts at both your hands, sculpting his dick simultaneously as his mind runs in circles at the pleasurable torture.

When he senses your plump lips faintly kiss the tip of his cock, he knows he's too far in. He curses the restraints on his wrists and eyes because he only wants to see you take his length to the base right now. Now those thoughts are challenged as your lips take in the pink tip of his member and slowly inch downwards.

Your jaw relaxes while you take in all of him at your own pace, his cock sinking further into your mouth until your lips almost brush his pelvis. His penis pulsating inside your mouth and throat has you under a euphoric spell. You slowly bob your head up and down, putting your hands on his thighs to hold him down before he starts thrusting and screwing with your slow tempo.

Nanami does all he can to maintain his composure, but God, the feeling of your throat on his shaft is doing wonders. Not only do the inner walls of your oral cavity feel so warm around him, but the blindfold has him using his imagination of how you look right now. He can just picture your pretty hooded eyes looking up at him, gauging his reactions as your ass rocks to and fro, tolerating the neediness between your legs.

It kills him that he can't physically see and touch you; however, your fleshy touch, paired with his creative fantasy, is doing just as much. That is, until a hand returns to massaging his balls, urging him to hunch further. He's now close.

"Hnngh!! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," If you weren't so full in the mouth, you'd giggle at the blonde's curses. "I'm about to—Mhmm! Oh God..."

You decide to help him in his release, slowly withdrawing his cock from your mouth and going for the head, your tongue lapping and licking in his most sensitive glands. Your hand on his sack kneed presses down harder, and Nanami wastes no time shooting his load to you. You happily take in his cum with your mouth, none going to waste as you're licking in any excess amounts.

Once he's done ejaculating and you're done drinking his essence, a pop leaves the mark as your lips leave his twitching head while you sigh blissfully.

Nanami breathes heavily in euphoria, "I thought you said...dessert shouldn't come before a meal."

"Don't question the methods of a cook, babe." you climb on top of him to undo the ribbon cloth on the headboard, your pants mixed with his. "So, I hope that helped ease some stress of yours."

"No."

No??

And it was at that moment you realized you probably shouldn't have untied his wrists first. Because one moment you're above him, your back sinking deep into the mattress the next. His hands pin you down by the shoulders, and a leg is positioned between yours, a knee rubbing against the aching sensation between your pants.

Nanami takes off his tie to free his eyes, brown orbs now cast with the intoxicating guise of lust and want. Your blood runs cold. Oh, I'm in danger.

"N-Now, Kenty, we shouldn't be doing this now," you try to plead before he does anything rash. "You have to take a shower and freshen up before dinner or else—"

"No, sweet pea. I don't think it's fair you get to have a piece of me, but I'm subjected to wait afterward to do the same." He removes your pants in seconds and sets your legs on his shoulders. Heat spreads around your face when his face draws near your opening, and you already have a hand grab for his hair in anticipation.

"Dinner can wait, darling. Right now, I just want you."

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ghuleh-recs · 3 months

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Cardinal Copia had his own Fic Rec Friday and now it’s Popia’s turn. I've compiled a healthy mix of x reader and x ghoul below. A little something for everyone! I may have gotten a little carried away— there's a lot to see here so make good use of your ao3 bookmarks!

Take my hand. Let’s read about the HBIC together. ♡

recs under the cut.

Papa x Reader

Don't Go - @ramblingoak - papa iv x gn!reader

While trying to convince Papa to cancel the tour you end up confessing how you feel about him.

Rough Day - @writingjourney - papa iv x f!reader

papa takes care of you after a rough day.

Your Star Wrapped in My Cloak - @sherwood-forests - papa iv x f!reader

You find Copia in the library, in hopes of apologizing.

VIII Strength - @anamelessfool - gn!reader

VIII STRENGTH Strength (Physical and Will), courage, persuasion, influence, compassion Copia is a pent up sort of man, he always has been. He enjoys being Papa but on his worst days the title has a near physical weight pressed across his shoulders. He comes home to you, and you can tell when it's been one of those days. Luckily, he has you to guide him.

Forbidden Fruit - @ink-and-dagger - papa iv x f!reader

It's a pleasant surprise to stumble upon the newly ordained Papa Emeritus IV browsing through the library stacks. Even more pleasant that he happens to be halfway up a rolling ladder, and wearing one of his sinfully tight suits. What better opportunity to give Copia's cakes the attention they deserve. Or No snakes needed to convince you to take a bite out of this apple.

Forever Yours - @sweatandwoe - papa iv x gn!reader

Ever since you had entered into a relationship with him, you had learned three strict rules about Copia. One, he did not like to be tickled in any situation. Two, he always had to have a drink after sex. Three, the make-up stayed on. The first two were easy to follow but the third though, was getting harder to try not to bend.

Worship - @copiasjuicebox - papa iv x transmasc!reader

Tumblr Request: trans!copia worshipping your body after your t shots have had time to work. he understands how to worship your body properly bc he’s been through the transition, he gets it.

on leather wings - @ghostchems - papa iv x f!reader

copia surprises you with a spooky weekend getaway, culminating in some winged bedroom time

Papa IV x Ghouls

tumblr ficlet - @st-danger - papa iv x dewdrop

"Papa," Dew murmurs, and Copia feels a tremor move through him; there's a particular voice Dewdrop uses when he wants something. Silky and dark and slow. A drawl. It's what he's using now, and he hasn't the ability to deny him anything. And if Dewdrop is about to angle for a little action, backstage and hurried with Copia in his papal robes- well. It'd be sinful, of course. And it would be wrong to not take advantage of that, right?

What's My Name? - @copiasjuicebox - papa iv x swiss

"Why don't you ask me how I'm doing?" in which, the audience doesn't refer to Papa as "Papa" and it strikes a chord.

And You Know That It Takes Two - @forlorn-crows - papa iv x dewdrop

“Well, I do. Of course I do,” he assures the ghoul. “Quite fond of you all, actually. It was, admittedly, a little rocky when we first met. But.” There’s that heh Dew was expecting just moments before. “Here we are, no?” When Copia starts rubbing his thumb up and down the inside of his knee, Dew’s brain stops working. His gaze zeros in to the fingers splayed across the side of his thigh, so foreign, so bare, so pink against the black of his casual uniform pants. His mind is full of static and all he can hear is his own blood pumping through his head. But there’s a weird something tugging in his ribcage; something new yet old, unnamed but familiar.

tumblr ficlet - @littlemoon-beam - papa iv x dewdrop

He can't look away from his hands, the way the veins flex under his skin as he expertly plays. Copia hears his own shuddering breath, wishing he could feel them on his skin even if only for a moment. He'd worship every fingertip if given half the chance. What really gets him though, what makes his chest tight and his stomach twist, is when he finishes and smiles, head tilted and eyes bright. "Was that ok, Papa?"

Changing of the Seasons - @kissingghouls - papa iv x cirrus

Cirrus and Copia share an umbrella on a rainy day.

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

#my fic recs #fic rec friday #the band ghost fanfiction #the band ghost #papa emeritus iv #copia #swiss ghoul #cirrus ghoulette #dewdrop ghoul #queued post

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walrus150915 · 5 months

Text

Nimona headcanons part 3 bc I'm insane (out of order and disorganized so like- be ready) and bc it's my new year gift for y'all

• Nimona mostly talks like a normal teen but sometimes she'd use words that show her real age. "Sonorous", "vapidity" n stuff like that. Her vocabulary is INSANELY huge

• Ambrosius tries not to swear so he uses a lot of silly replacements instead. "HOLY S- golly!!", "You son of a b- bishop". Like I'm sorry but he's the type of guy to say fricking instead of, yknow, the intended word. Ballister finds it endearing; Nimona finds it stupid

• Yes yes he does replace sex with lovemaking. Yes he purely refers to him and Bal going at it as "making love". Yes he's a fellow like that

• Ballister doesn't drink alcohol. I know that's implied in the movie that he drinks (although I thought he drank, like, soda?? On the other hand he is a wholeass thirty years old man who's seen some shit so I wouldn't be surprised) but idk he strikes me as a type to refuse drinking out of moral code. He doesn't eat pork for the same reasons (pushing my cultural Muslim Ballister agenda)

• Ambrosius drinks only during celebrations or parties. Not much because he's a light drinker😭 one cup and he's already lying on the floor, crying and hyperanalyzing his life

• after Nimona came back Ambrosius was not safe from her jokes. Neither of them despised each other (not after Nimona saved the whole Kingdom and not after Ambrosius proved he really isn't a jerk) but boy does Nimona make fun of him on any given occasion. Ambrosius was taken aback by this at first but then he just got used to it

• Ambrosius is being kinda petty and jealous when Ballister spends more time with Nimona than him ("Although now apparently he's got a new best friend, what's that about?!"), not in a way that'd make it unhealthy ofc but still😭. Him and Ballister were tied to the hip for like the most of their lives and now there's someone ELSE Ballister likes to hang out with? Ugh🙄

• Ambrosius had a diary when he was a teen, he didn't write much there (one or two sentences a day). Once he became an adult he kind of forgot about it but after the whole... Hunting stuff started happening he found himself writing a ton of sentences there again

• when him and Bal started dating Ambrosius had a whole page in that diary filled with "Ambrosius Boldheart" HE'S A GUY LIKE THAT OKAY

• Ambrosius likes to attack Ballister's face with quick little kisses. If he pecked his forehead he must peck his cheeks and nose and eyelids and cheekbones etc etc

• Nimona sometimes speaks in rhymes. She doesn't know how she's doing it but her tongue just does it on its own. ("Let's go dunk on the punk in the trunk")

• Ballister has actually been a year older than everyone in his class, another reason why he was the black sheep™

• Ambrosius can play the flute and the piano due to his noble upbringing he HATES whenever someone brings it up tho

• Nimona and Ballister have those nights where they recall historical facts and situations and Nimona shows her perspective of the things. "The guy claimed to be a war criminal was the biggest sweetheart in the world what are you onnn". Ballister wrecks his brain trying to understand if she's serious or not

• Ballister doesn't get a lot of the jokes, they just fly over his head. Only after some time he starts getting them, like in the middle of the night randomly going "ohhhh that's what she meant"

• first time Ambrosius and Ballister made out Ambrosius threw his hands in the air and said "yayy :D"

• Ballister's haircare routine is better than you think it is he's just casual about it. Yes he uses coconut oil like his life depends on it

• Ambrosius's complexion is leaner but Bal's is broader. So when they exchange clothes it doesn't fit because Bal's shirts are too loose on Ambrosius but also kinda short and Ambrosius's are kinda long but too tight in the shoulders for Bal. They still think it's sweet to swap their clothes sometimes

#this one is kinda short #but still #nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart #goldenheart #nimona headcanons

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chaos-and-sparkles · 8 months

Text

Presenting:

Prowler Pavitr <3<3

Here's Pavitr's design in my Prowler Pavitr au akjdskjdskjkskdsk! It's my au where Pavitr is a fallen hero who used to be Spider-Man and becomes the Prowler, fueled by rage against a world and a system that forced him to pretend at perfection and then only hurt him and the people he loves.

I love him so much,, I have so much stuff in progress about him rn (working on the fics too). Gonna have chaipunk front and center, and like four separate plot arcs, I'm so insane about this au actually -

Anyway here's some infodump about his design inspirations and symbolism I put in it, I loveeeee talking abt him:

Hair -

Okay so this is after some time, like a couple months since Pav became the Prowler, and he's grown his hair out a bit now. It's kind of a mix of rejection of the "masculine" standard of short cropped hair by flaunting his longer curls that he's always been proud of and even had to grow to love He also dyes his hair purple! Bc he didn't wanna cut his hair but he wanted to do something to set himself apart from his old identity and also he's literally an impulsive 17-18 year old and wanted to do something that felt like owning his own self and asserting autonomy over his body etc etc

Something Borrowed -

The tie that he's using to tie back his hair is his original blue headband!! It doesn't go with his outfit at all but It's the original blue headband that Maya Aunty got for him all those years ago that he's been wearing forever and it snapped and broke in the battle that preceded what happened to her, and he still keeps it and ties his hair back with it instead The nosering (nath) used to be Gayatri's, they used to try out her jewelry on him and he loved that one so much she gifted it to him, and since he's basically left his old life and gone no contact with her it's all he has left of Gaya too

Main Outfit -

His jacket is loosely based on Krrish's leather jacket from the Bollywood movie series that's about a superhero named Krrish. I just think it has the dramatique and vibe Pav would like He binds his chest bc he still hadn't had top surgery but he's way more open about it, with the binding showing through the neck of the jacket now where he would have never dared to hint at it before,,, another thing about how he doesn't care about people's opinions and perceptions and standards anymore, he wants to say fuck you as much to everything in the system as he can and also piss people off while he's at it and a trans antihero/villain is a surefire way to do that. His dhoti is basically a dhoti pant, modified a bit bc i liked it

He has payals on his feet that make a faint chhan chhan noise when he approaches which has creepiness and cuteness potential imo I basically turned the prowler logo into his dhoti belt buckle askjdsjk

It's also slightly modified to mimic a trishul or even a diya shape, up for interpretation either way, bc trishuls are a symbol of Shiva, god of destruction, and diyas are a symbol of light in the darkness and the need to find it Also the chain around the dhoti at his hips is both a reference to decorative dhoti chain accessories and the lil things on it are his modified grenades that he uses for arson, bc Prowler Pav is big on arson and murder ajajsjsj

Prowler Claws -

His bangles/claws were hands down my favourite part to design!!

So his claws are of course his original spiderman bangles modified into the prowler claws But i based them on three weapons, each of which means something interesting for Pavitr

The first is bagh nakh. Literally translates to "tiger claws", famously used in a legend of Shivaji Maharaj They usually curl into the palm instead of going between the fingers like they do for Pav, but they're basically metal claws wound secretly around your hand for a sneak attack It's associated with bravery and righteous rage bc of Shivaji Maharaj but it's also really associated with stealth and an attack from unexpected quarters, being stabbed from a side no one saw coming. Which. Pavitr. The perfect hero, becoming the Prowler. Come on

Second is the trishul, aka trident That's the reason there are three prongs to his claw Trishul is the symbol of the god Shiva, and as i mentioned he's the god of destruction, as in he's part of the main triumvirate of gods who focus on creation preservation and destruction He also is really really associated with rage, especially destructive rage; he has a whole dance called the tandava for his rage which is a Huge Deal I can't stress this enough And because Prowler Pav is a being fuelled by rage against a system that has hurt so many including him that he wants to destroy and see burned, it is perfect for him The trishul is also seen as a symbol of goddess Kali, who's similar in the destruction goddess aspect and also is literally an embodiment of rage and violence that cannot be controlled which is more the theme I started out with, but whichever you notice first, it works either way. There's a whole myth in fact where Shiva had to lie beneath her feet to stop her destructive rampage before it ended the world.

And lastly, the urumi, aka the whip sword from Kerala Basically each of Prowler Pav's claws extend into whip swords when he does the swing/slash/whip motion This is really interesting at least to me, bc it means 2 things: 1) Pav still remembers and is actively using some of his skillset from swinging around as Spiderman. He does use the urumis to curl around distant objects and swing too, and they are very lethal weapons when used right, and that use requires a lot of skill, huge parts of which he built up by his experience 2) This is a weapon which requires an unimaginable amount of control, precision and strength And Pav is doing all that So all of his actions, every movement, is very deliberate and thought out. He's not doing any of this - turning away from heroism, becoming the Prowler, using these lethal weapons - on a whim. They are all very very deliberate.

Also one more thing - the blades of his claws are all retractable ofc But they are not protected or anything They slice up his palms and the in-betweens of his fingers whenever he uses them,, especially when he uses them as urumis And it would be so easy to fix the design or make gloves or smth so they don't do that But he doesn't ever do it He could make it so his hands don't bleed on using his claws But he doesn't want to

He is an angsty boyo...

Mask -

The eyes are ofc like the prowler mask design except I made them more curved and curled at the end bc that's a kind of shape often seen in traditional art of the headdress of Kali, goddess of uncontrollable violence as I've said before Then the part between them is meant to be based off a third eye, which is something both Shiva and Kali have. It opens at the height of their rage, it's meant to symbolise destructive fury for them both Although it's also used in an all seeing context otherwise but a lot of whitewashed bullshit is also there that dilutes sources to find connotations His theyyam-based tusks from his Spider-Man mask, I wanted to keep

The shape below the eyes is based off the noses in masks in various regional Indian tribal and traditional masks,,, a lot of them tend to have a very distinctive curly nose shape that I wanted to keep, a lot of these masks also depict rage or are intimidating and are very emotive And then ofc you have the bottom of the mask, I made the curved-ish cut based on the peacock-feather-y shape i was using but it's also based on the general shape of Kali's lips in traditional art where she has her tongue out, it's a big symbol of her rage and rampage I tried to put the tongue too but it looked awkward and honestly i thought it would be cooler to jsut leave the bottom half of the mask open and you can see Pav's mouth and his expressions through it a bit instead, in the spirit of that And also it's based a little bit off Krrish's mask, you can never escape the Krrish design Also there's the lil teeth. Those are often used in art for demons and animals,, and Prowler Pav is very cat coded in his behaviour in general tbh. He's like if an orange cat's fur got burned to black.

Anyway, so yeah, that's him!

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thefuseoftemptation · 5 months

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maybe for the lost boys you could do how they’d teach y/n how to drive? maybe headcannons

oh, OH.

THE LOST BOYS X GN!READER

WARNING(S): cussing, the use of y/n (just bc I know some of us prefer when it’s not used so here’s a warning) I typed this out in under half an hour so if there’re typos, then you know why. NOT PROOFREAD.

—

they'll be teasing you for not knowing how.

Whether you just ask one of them or you go to all of them, they'll show you, but they'll show you their way.

and let's just get it out there, Dwayne is the one to go to when it comes to learning.

He's also the one who's got more of a understanding when it comes to rules.

you ask Marko or Paul? you might as well be making your own bed, man.

And David? I mean sure, but c'mon, think about it, it's David.

and there's many scenerios at which this could go too so-

but I'll put how each of them would be and then the further we go, I'll put how it'll be if all of them were showing you at the same time....which is never something to be heard in the same sentence.

David

let's say for the scenerio w David, while he (or more so all the boys) knew you didn't know how to drive, you still went to one of the others and asked if they could teach you.

and while he never showed it, why were you asking them and not him?

like the guy would legit be taken back (but not show it) that you had gone to Paul to teach you

Paul? Really?!!

but let's be for real, asking David to teach you to drive is like asking your parent.....if y'know, Y'KNOW

you may as well have not gone to the boys in the first place if if this were case

if anything, he more likely makes you come to him rather you go to him on your own terms.

for this, he probably told the boys to step back just so you could go up to him later on

"David..."

"We'll start in a few."

He more likely tells you how to go about driving rather than show you.....if that makes sense.

Like he'll sit back, stare ahead and just tell you what to do rather than being more hands on and guiding you through every step

which is very very annoying bc you need a little more than that, David

Though he is one of the boys to tell you about safety and all that stuff everyone talks about

you get behind the wheel? you better have that goddamn seatbelt on. even though he himself doesn't have it on.

while he never outwardly shows his concern, it's there. so you get in and try putting the keys in before your seatbelt's on? He's going to tell you something.

"Unless your looking to be head first through that windshield, I suggest you put your seatbelt on. Or I could just turn you now and we won't to worry about that...."

Hence you putting your seatbelt on while giving him a side eye.

expect to have a few alot of disagreements about standard procedures/rules when it comes to being on the road

"I'm not going to go, David. I don't have the right away!"

"Y/N asked me to teach you, so I'm teaching you. So turn."

"I did not ask you!" you did, but he wasn't your go to.

"Stay to your side."

"I am on my side."

"No, your steering into this lane."

"I'm in my own goddamn lane!"

cue you swerving bc you were in fact, in the said lane he'd been referring to.

"Told you."

and though you hadn't been looking forward to it, David isn't all that bad at teaching you.

Dwayne

he's the go to.

Dwayne is the go to when it comes to certain things, and in this case, it's driving.

he's even the go to when your riding with them. while you like taking turns between all your boys sometimes, not dying, is preferred.

plus, when you ride with Dwayne, it gives you the opportunity to feel his exposed torso.

the guy is shirtless all the time, what do you expect? only someone in the right mind would think the same thing

and like David, he will tell you to put your seatbelt on. but it's more of a reminder than telling.

He'll probably put his on himself

Even if he isn't exactly the most ideal example since he and the boys are always breaking rules, being on the road isn't excluded. He speeds and cuts others off just as much as they do, he just doesn't do it as often as them. He still wants to make sure he can be an example when you're around at least.

afterall you're just a mere person. you're not like them....yet.

and though he isn't much of a talker, he'll be one when it comes to this

you're sure this is the most he's spoken in the time you've known each other.

Dwayne is very hands on when it comes to this, and is nothing like David when it comes to telling you when you're doing something you're not supposed to or when your lacking in a certain department.

it's definitely his tone, man.

"just keep the wheel still, you're steering into this lane a little...."

and it's in the lowest voice ever, almost in a whisper before he gently guides your hands to steady the wheel.

you learn a lot with him in one session than you do with the others in one week.

Paul

m'sorry but anyone in their right mind shouldn't be going to a guy like Paul when it comes to teaching you how to drive.

It's Paul.

that should be enough of an explanation in itself.

but to be real, he's probably not that bad of a teacher.

sure, when you'd asked him something, he didn't even know the answer to, he at least learned it with you as you went. even if it may have almost got you guys hit and possibly even broken a law, at least you guys knew.....now.

just don't tell David or Dwayne. they'll have his head.

he's very laid back when it comes to anything, this isn't excluded.

like Dwayne, in a way, he sort of just reminds you, when he’s not forgetting himself.

he doesn't tell you like David would, he just sort of waves it off or shrugs when you make a mistake like hit the curb.

it's comforting yet concerning bc man, this is safety and I shouldn't be hitting the curb to begin with.

it's one thing when he was showing you how to ride his bike, not that it's ever come to you using it or any of them (he was just simply showing you), but it's a whole other thing with him showing you how to drive a vehicle.

the boys attention goes from one thing to another.

one moment he's telling you where to go and the next, he's asking what button does what before pressing it or even pressing on the horn.

"Paul, would you stop that!" you say for the umpteenth time.

"Fine." cue him turning up the volume to the a radio before going on to press something else.

let's just say it's too much with him sitting next to you sometimes.

Marko

it's an uncetainty w this one bc you're not sure how he's going to be or what he'll say to you during the time.

you've seen how he is on his bike alone so you weren't sure why you were questioning yourself when you asked him....

out of all the boys, Marko is the one whose temper doesn't last

I'm saying that in "you keep asking or making him repeat the same question/answers, it’ll set him off," sort of way but also in a "if someone pulls some nonsense on you while your driving, that's it," sort of way.

he doesn't put up with that in general much less, on the road, what makes you think he's going to tolerate it when your in the vehicle with him?!

And put you being behind the wheel and someone cuts you off or honks bc you're going too slow (you're learning), he's going to be pushing on that horn so quick.

not to mention sticking his head out the window to cuss the person out

let's just say you had to press on the pedal more than once when he told you to pull over so he could let them have it.

It never meant that. it always ends up w someone else on a missing flyer

sometimes it's over little stuff too

like if it was your fault, he'll still argue that they were the cause

"Marko, it wasn't even them, I mean I was-"

"They should know though! It's just basic common sense!"

"How is it basic common sense when they don't know it's my first time on the road and I'm still learning? It's not like there's a sign they could see that tells them 'hey, I'm new, go easy!'

"Still!"

He gets annoyed that you defend someone else over something you did.

He's not a bad teacher per say, he's just one you prefer not having on the road especially when you're still new to it all.

all of them

m'sorry but make your bed already. there's no way of you making out of there

it's one thing to go to one of them and ask but to have all of them in the same space with you, and on the road for god sakes!

let's be real though, in this scenerio you probably did go to one of them and then the rest just took it upon themselves to come

it could be that you already got your license and are taking them for a ride

again, make your bed. why would you even think of that?

back to where I was though

they're all in that car with you, it's going to be a lot.

David is going to be in the front. no matter what.

Paul didn’t just get a foot to his behind for nothing

the rest of the boys are in the back, if there's even room for them back there

you got three out of four there, two of which are tall, there's going to have to be some leg space

I see it like this, Dwayne and Marko probably take to the sides, by the windows, while Paul is seated in the middle

it becomes too much bc let's face it, you got four boys in the car with you. four boys....think about that.

it's only when David finally says something that they sit down

and god, you really wished he would've said something sooner if it got them like this

—

feedback and reblogs are appreciated.

#the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys x gn!reader #tlb #the lost boys david #the lost boys paul #the lost boys marko #the lost boys dwayne

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eclaire-went-bam · 22 days

Note

Hi I had a few questions about the Dutch Van Der Linde NPD post :-)

I'm not trying to be rude or an asshole, I'm just genuinely confused because there seemed to be conflicting things.

You seem to agree that he has NPD but then call folk ableist for calling him a narcissist. Saying they're demonizing personality disorders.

I know and understand why demonizing NPD amongst other personality disorders is bad. But I don't understand why people calling him a Narcissist = demonizing.

Dutch is a terrible person so obviously people would point out his terrible actions along with a possible personality disorder. Because the disorder is a huge part of his character for some folk, which I'm sure it is for you.

I guess what I'm really wondering is what do you classify as ableist when it comes to discussing Dutch and his possible NPD?

The post, or I guess the way things were worded, made it hard for me to see your point.

Thank you :-)

rolling around tysm for the ask /gen!!! i did word things a bit unclear bcs a lot of my posts are catred to ppl in my own community so don't worry :)

i'm also using terminology associated w/ npd in this post so refer to tags if you don't know what something means

it's a bit complicated & i tend to over-explain so strap in !!

acknowledging he is a narcissist is fine! but the term "narcissist" very specifically refers to a mental illness & is a term very often mishandled

the problem lies here!

on one hand, people will know narcissist refers to npd specifically, but they won't care & are thus very explicitly demonising pw/npd. i've seen a great many posts (not just from this fandom!) who will call a character a narcissist, and then will proceed to prescribe that as the reason why a character is a bad person. npd is a personality disorder which yes, can often cause a lot of interpersonal conflict if not properly coped with, but it can also present in numerous other ways (eg, people-pleasing) — people who are abusive don't generally have npd and pw/npd aren't all abusive (many are actually abused themselves! if i had a dime for every article/post i've seen detailing how to make a narcissist crash, i'd be rich lmao). so automatically correlating abusive behaviour w/ having npd is very damaging to pw/npd

or,

on the other hand (this i see Most often), someone doesn't really seem to know that being narcissistic is a mental health thing and are using that word as a stand-in for a plethora of negative words — which is really easy to do given how much it's used incorrectly in a lot of anti-npd short form content (tiktok, yt shorts, etc ...). someone may use the word "narcissistic" when they're trying to describe someone who's self-centred, or rude, or aloof, or vain, or abusive, when they could use any of those other words just as easily while both being correct, and not including that underlying stigma

the vast majority of posts i've seen refer to dutch as a narcissist, are using that word in a derogatory sense to air their frustrations with the character — not as a genuine analysis, and not acknowledging the nuances of npd

it is important to note, many of these people would not call a character who is seen as a good person a narcissist, even if they may exhibit many narcissistic traits in canon, because narcissism already has a really negative stigma attached to it that they would be perpetuating. if dutch did nothing problematic in the entire series, i'd still headcanon him as narcissistic, but i get the sense that many just wouldn't because it hinges so much on the worst of his character

an egotypical may see dutch being simply careless with anyone but his own skin as he drags everyone down with him and call him a narcissist

whereas for me, i may see him desperately trying to appear as the greater-than-life man everyone talks him up to be to the point of delusion and self-sabotaging while everything is falling apart around him and call him a narcissist because yea, me too honestly !!

the first position is often tying narcissism to a shallow and overwhelming negative view of a character, because one may already have a bias that narcissism = living your best life as your family falls apart or something

so imagine like ;;; an allistic seeing a blunt character that is often viewed in fandom as autistic, and calling them autistic because of the outward bluntness — especially if they view bluntness as a bad thing. this view may perpetuate stereotypes about autism while also not really offering any nuanced look at the character. that, vs an autistic person seeing the same character and maybe relating to how confusing that social interaction was, and how awkward it must must've been for the character realising they did x y and z "wrong."

using the same example, there could be a character in media that's considered extremely blunt and mean to others, who's implied to be autistic. it's fine to not like said character, lord knows i'm thinking of a Few i hate, and being autistic doesn't excuse people from being mean to others, but to insult a character for being blunt because of their autism is pretty ableist! just like how having npd doesn't excuse any characters abuse, and someone can not like their vanity, but it'd be kind of ableist to insult a character for being vain because of their narcissism

or just like how an autistic character may unintentionally be mean to somebody due to misunderstanding social cues/being overstimulated/etc and will thus be percieved as cold and unkindly, a narcissistic person may percieve small criticisms as really pointed attacks that can cause crashes, which can cause us to become defensive & be percieved as childish or uncooperative (here's a good post that talks abt how certain problems may appear from a narcs pov, for example). these are just little things that oftentimes people who don't have said condition may not understand, which can contribute to a really flat reading of a character based on More Stereotypes

of course, you don't have to have a specified neurotype or mental disorder to headcanon someone with something (though i definitely recommend the Nuance ahaha), but i get the sense that when ppl use "narcissistic" with dutch, it's less of a respectful headcanon that acknowledges the disorder & how distressing it can be to not only others around him, but him as well, and more as a jab coming from the users own personal experiences from people they didn't like, or as a way to explain specifically just his abusive behaviour & nothing else (which is already a yikes cus that implies someone's automatic association with abuse is people of a very specific stigmatised neurotype). and i mean hey, dutch does deserve. Like. Multiple Jabs. (understatement). but it shouldn't be at the expense of people who actually exist irl who struggle w/npd

no i do not excuse dutch's problematic/abusive behaviour, i literally physically recoil from my screen whenever i see him do literally anything, and it's pretty evident that untreated Issues™ definitely contributed to him going batshit (especially considering as far as every account i've seen go, he was pretty damn Decent in terms of 1800's outlaws prior to blackwater), but i can definitely say that i do rlly relate with some overarching themes with him & can often pretty much hear what he's thinking sometimes without necessarily thinking something he did was okay. & again, there are sooo many words in the english lexicon, people can definitely choose words that aren't specifically related to conditions when talking abt what they don't like about him

so many other headcanons, whether it be regarding race, gender, sexuality, neurodiversity, etc, are treated with a lotta respect on this website! you'll hardly ever find someone seriously insulting a character's headcanoned autism, or gender identity, or anxiety, with such genuine vitriol. i've seen people also headcanon dutch with major depression or bipolar, but i've seen nobody use either terms to insult him — because we all know that's insensitive. so why should npd be any different?

so yeah i hope this made it clear, i don't think its wrong or ableist at all to to have discussions about how a potential personality disorder could've affected his thinking or decisions, but a lot of the posts i've seen have been less about discussion and more of just finding ways to express their hatred of dutch. which ;; i'm sure you can imagine how tiring it gets to see these kinda posts which demonise something you are, in a community for a game you really enjoy, and just have everyone in the comments/tags kinda nod their head. nnnot fun to always catch strays ^^;

anyways that's my spiel tysm for the ask i really like to Yap™

#long post #tw abuse #suicide mention in tags !#ask #rdr #rdr2 #dutch van der linde #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #terminology:#narcissist crash — when a pw/npd becomes unable to sustain an ego (often due to lack of supply/failures/humiliating events) & enter a sever #depression which can even result in suicide attempts #supply — anything that can uphold a narcs self-perception. many of us require supply in order to function. this can be attention/compliment #/rewards/etc #pw/npd — people with narcissistic personality disorder #allistic — someone who's not autistic #egotypical — someone who doesn't have npd #i tried using colours to make it easy to read ?? the grens and pinks don't rlly have a specific meaning though

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emara · 11 months

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2HA/DUMB HUSKY AND HIS WHITE CAT SHIZUN PRIMER

i'm making this for a quick reference whenever my friends ask me what 2ha is bc i realised i've been repeating myself ceaselessly every single time i try to explain it. this will contain two parts, both with spoilers and without. the without spoilers part comes first. before anything else though, if you plan to check 2ha out do check out the content warnings and if you aren't comfortable w any of it, even a little, i'd suggest you stop rn. i'm serious. if you need an elaboration on the content warnings then you can text me! but please don't ignore any of it and head into it blindly.

this contains:

SYNOPSIS

BASIC WORLDBUILDING

CHARACTER LIST

TIMELINES ft bonus rockstar taxian jun

FINAL THOUGHTS

there are spoilers timeline onwards, the rest is spoiler-free [or mildly-spoilery but i tried my best to keep spoilers out!]

so if you're here and have decided to keep reading, here's the first half of the primer [no spoilers]

SYNOPSIS

Emperor of the cultivation world Mo Weiyu deceived elders and slaughtered ancestors, and committed all crimes and sins known to man. After ending his own life, he was reborn and transmigrated to the year he first became a disciple. In the shell of a boy held an old and weary soul. After coming back to life, truth after truth that had been hidden below the surface in the previous life floated to the top and broke through the waters one after the other. Of all revelations, the one that stunned him the most was that the Shizun he had hated to the bone in his previous life had always been protecting him from the shadows... The heart of a man can change; even demons and monsters can become compassionate and do good. Only, he had sinned deeply. Can the blood on his hands ever be cleansed?

via 2ha wikia

Yet, after having died and reborn, after having lived two lives, the one he hauled back each time to his den in the end was always the one he couldn’t stand at first: that snow-white kitty shizun.

adding the last bit of the novelupdates summary because it's very important to know that the one mo ran always ends up hauling back to his apparent den [this summary is ripe with dog and cat metaphors] is the one who he very passionately hates, chu wanning.

tldr; taxian jun-- aka mo ran, mo weiyu, emperor of the cultivation world-- fucks shit up, is the reason why the word "tyrant" was coined, commits every crime known to man and then kills himself when he knows he's going to be invaded bc he has no will left in himself to live or fight back. and then the world doesn't let him die because he wakes up again in the body of the little boy he used to be when he was first accepted as a disciple at sisheng peak, under chu wanning's tutelage, as a 15yo again. he finds newer more creative ways to fuck shit up, and alongside that, also finds out things he didn't know to be true in his last lifetime. for example: that chu wanning loved him, apparently, and had maybe not deserved to be the subject of his ceaseless violence in his last lifetime.

BASIC WORLDBUILDING

this bit is for my non-danmei enjoyer buddies, for those who aren't familiar with the genre: here's literally everything you want to know about it. it's a very brief intro to most concepts and worth just skimming through even if not actively reading. i am not chinese and i am not an expert so i won't pretend to be one and explain all of this. moving onto the setting of the novel:

CULTIVATION WORLD

Cultivation World is the broad community of cultivators and their sects. It's divided into upper cultivation world and lower cultivation world.

re: the wikia

upper cultivation world: is near the coastal halves apparently, and is overflowing with spiritual energy. most of the great sects in this cultivation world are here, notably (from the novel): rufeng sect, taxue palace, guyue'ye, wubei temple, jiangdong hall, shangqing pavilion, etc -- these are all the important players and they're all here.

lower cultivation world: this area is routinely plundered by ghosts/demonic invasions because of it's proximity to the ghost city. no major sect is mentioned to be a part of it except for sisheng peak, the main setting, home to mo ran and chu wanning, who have taken up the job of guarding the barrier between the living world and the ghost city that lies there.

there is absolutely no difference in ability across the sects around the cultivation world, as sometimes mistakenly implied by the terms "upper" and "lower."

fengdu ghost city is the ghost city mentioned above that lies in the lower ghost realm.

sisheng peak: a major cultivation sect in the lower cultivation world. scenic and among the mountains, it is a main setting in the novel. it's a cultivation sect known to be passionate about helping people, especially those who cannot afford it. this has made them heroic in the eyes of the common people but a subject to ridicule among the other sects of the upper cultivation world. this sect is headed by xue zhengyong, the sect leader who is to be succeeded by his only son, xue meng (xue ziming).

the elders among sisheng peak are the masters that xue zhengyong went out to look for after laying down the foundation for the sect himself along with his brother and he didn't care for personality or achievements, only just willingness to teach and talent and assigned them their places. they were free to accept disciples on their own and disciples were also free to choose whichever elder they wanted to learn under. this gave the masters a specific title, apparently terms coined from the stars of the big dipper or other constellations, for ex, chu wanning is titled yuheng elder (also: yuheng of the night sky.)

red lotus pavilion: chu wanning's home on sisheng peak

loyalty hall: the main hall of sisheng peak, that you can only reach by climbing 3799 steps >:)

mengpo hall: dining hall adjunct

heaven piercing tower: this is where chu wanning and mo ran meet for the first time, the place where taxian jun chooses to kill himself in the past lifetime, and where most ghosts/spirits/demons are locked up after being captured by the sect

butterfly boned beauty feast: a race of half-demons, half-humans that are said to be the descendants of gouchen, a butterfly-boned demon who aided fuxi, the creation god, in trying to save humans against the swaths of demons that pillaged the human realm. they are said to be extremely beautiful but defenseless as a result of the demon realm casting them out after gouchen's betrayal and as a result, horrifically mistreated across the cultivation world. for ex: guyue'ye had created a secret formula on how to "refine" a bbbf for human consumption in order to achieve better cultivation. they are considered sub-human and hunted and trafficked.

thats all for main body. i think.

CHARACTER LIST

this is not an exhaustive list of all major characters that appear but a list of the major characters that i consider important in non-spoilery terms! [all art embedded is official]

MO RAN/TAXIAN JUN: on the left is mo ran, as a disciple, and on the right is mo ran as taxian jun, the first emperor of the cultivation world.

mo ran is described to be hot-tempered and kind, best understood only by the description he uses for himself-- a dog. his repetitive character traits across both lifetimes of his is that he is the type of person who will never forget kindness or cruelty if bestowed upon him once and he doesn't care about nuances. if people are good, they're good. if they aren't, they aren't. he'll always remember the hands that fed him and those that beat him.

taxian-jun is described to be a violent and mad emperor with little to no sense of self left in him. he has conquered the entirety of the cultivation world ruthlessly by what can best be described as hostile takeover and merciless slaughter. he has nothing left inside him that can call back to the kind child he used to be and is absolutely a miserable shell of a man. he dies in the beginning of the book and is transported back into the body of the boy he used to be, however, and that is the beginning of his reckoning.

CHU WANNING: in both of mo ran's lifetimes, chu wanning is described to be a cold, unfeeling man with a ridiculously ironclad spine for justice. he is suggested to be the stickler for rules type but he isn't, clearly evident by how he would rather choose what is good over what is in accord with process/protocol repeatedly in the text. he is among one of the most powerful men in the world, in terms of cultivation prowess, and owns three holy weapons (which is no ordinary feat). he is known to be among one of the most respected elders in sisheng peak, if also the most distant, and extremely selective when it comes to accepting disciples, having only three.

he has such crippling self esteem that at some point you hear his inner narration and go "i need to wrap him up in a heavy blanket and tell him to take a long nap"

hes an inventor! hes an engineer! hes made many little robot adjacent spiritual envoys that protect poor towns free of cost/little to no cost against ghosts and demons called holy night guardians!

he can't organise to save his life. the first time mo ran visits his room he's literally like "damn bitch u live like this" bc red lotus pavilion appears to not have seen a broom in like. months

this tweet is a canon part of his characterisation to ME. in the words of @ciaran "he is so millions autisms" and also:

ciaran, a modern day prophet

SHI MEI: is one of chu wanning's disciples and a close friend of xue meng and mo ran. mo ran is head over heels in love with him becuase he is one of the few who have shown him unconditional kindness. he is described to be incomparably beautiful and elegant and gentle to match. despite his low spiritual prowess, he is said to be exemplary re: his chosen path of medical practise.

he wrote to chu wanning asking to be his disciple after chu wanning had once found him buried under a stack of books in the rain and offered to walk him back, holding an umbrella over both of them. shi mei then noticed that chu wanning had been holding the umbrella in a certain way to protect him from the rain while his own shoulder was drenched. he was particularly moved by this act of kindness as he hadn't been on the receiving end of much of it, if ever.

XUE MENG: if you're a jiang cheng [mdzs]/mu qing [tgcf] enjoyer he's the most character ever for you. i'm one so i can attest to this. if you're a xie lian [tgcf] fan, then i have one for you too: as a young boy, xue meng was said to be "the darling of the heavens" (until of course, sense and reality was beat into him over and over again by the world, sometimes cruelly, sometimes helplessly). he is the young master of sisheng peak, xue zhengyong's son, and chu wanning's first disciple. he and mo ran are always at odds at the start even though xue meng considers him his brother and loves him still.

he calls mo ran his brother when drunk once and mo ran realises that oh, he's really loved here. he remembers the time he had first come to sisheng, freshly traumatised, and xue meng had brought him a box of sweets and despite his haughty nature and obnoxious voice he'd told him that those sweets were for him and him alone, no one else.

i think xue meng and mo ran can compete in a who loves shizun the most contest actually but xue meng will lose bc mo ran's a freak about cwn

ok that's it for the major characters. i could go on for days if you got me started about nangong si and ye wangxi but i won't. a brief list of other characters below:

xue zhengyong: the sect leader of sisheng peak

wang chuqing aka madam wang: xue meng's mother, former student of guyue'ye

nangong si: head disciple of rufeng sect

ye wangxi: .....a disciple of rufeng sect [im srs if i started talking abt them. i wouldnt ever stop]

song quitong: she rules actually. shes mo ran's lawfully wedded wife [the empress] in his last lifetime and shes meant to marry nangong si in this one. shes a bitch but shes so valid. go off king pull some more nails off their nailbeds! and bury thorns in them! cant a woman be violent around here for one...

idc enough about rufeng sect but another one of the main characters is nangong liu, sect leader of rufeng sect. theres also xu shuanglin. rufeng sect a sect made of assholes fr fr

jiang xi: sect leader of guyue'ye [a sect known for both it's abuse of the butterfly boned beauty feast people under the guise of medical research and for being the first medicine sect] [under jiang xi's tutelage the mistreatment of bbbf people is not known to continue, however, iirc]

mei hanxue: omg not to have a meatbun moment but i almost forgot to mention him, he's one of the main characters and the first disciple of taxue palace! he's supposedly a womaniser and has History w xue meng. across both lifetimes, he was among one of the only cultivators to side w him [in mo ran's first lifetime after becoming taxian jun, both xue meng and mei hanxue were constantly a pain in his ass about staging invasions having allied together against him]

TIMELINES, AKA THE NOT SPOILER FREE PART OF THIS ESSAY

that's it for the characters! from this point on i cannot guarantee no spoilers because [cracks knuckles] here we go, the timeline of events across BOTH of mo ran's lifetimes.

a major, major event that must occur on the scale of svsss's cannon event, luo binghe Must Fall Into The Endless Abyss To Satisfy His Character Requirement, is the heavenly rift. it takes place across both of mo ran's lifetimes an in the first one, he loses shi mei-- the love of his life-- and is driven mad by grief, later becoming a man possessed by nothing but violence and hatred as emperor taxian jun of the cultivation world. in the second heavenly rift after his rebirth, however, [spoilers ahead] the person who dies is chu wanning. and that changes the course of his entire narrative.

the heavenly rift is basically a rift in space time, and its been a problem in this world forever. its like something that keeps happening, it tears open the skies and unleashes a swarm of ghosts and demons depending on which dimension lies beyond the rift.

more explanation on what the heavenly rift is how it played such a huge role in mo ran's character dichotomy coming up in lifetime #2 explanation. here's lifetime #1, to start off with

LIFETIME #1: taxian jun doesn't have a good day. or a good life.

before heavenly rift:

mo ran, 15yo, joins sisheng peak after a series of events that leave him traumatised as fuck for probably. the rest of his life [note: his discomfort regarding the smell of incense that lingers throughout the novel and is explained in the end]

meets chu wanning and is ENDLESSLY fascinted by his almost untouchable grace and beauty, wants to take him as his master. chu wanning refuses

chu wanning finds him scooping earthworms one day when it rains and helping them onto the grass and when he asks, mo ran tells him that he didn't want them to get trampled and its a feat that moves him so much that he literally accepts him as a disciple the very next day

at some point, mo ran plucks a flower that was among one of the rarest blossoms in the cultivation world that madam wang had spent years trying to grow and chu wanning, not understanding why he'd done it, punishes him for it by whipping him with his tianwen. he did it because he thought the flower was a lot like chu wanning and wanted to give it to him but the way cwn punished him after left him inconsolable

all his love and admiration turns to hatred in the aftermath. he realises chu wanning is just as cruel, cold and callous as they all say. at some point, shi mei brings him wontons and it is only then that mo ran's horrible cycle of having locked himself in his room w his injuries curb. he falls in love with shi mei because he brings him wontons and sits next to him and hears him talk. he falls in love with shi mei because shi mei is kind.

he doesn't care abt chu wanning or pays any attention to his lessons, making him notoriously dumb despite his high cultivation prowess that later plays a role in him trying very hard to name the years of his reign across the cultivation role and even naming one of them "the year of cock and balls" -- accidentally, bc he was trying to be the cleverest he could get and made a horrible pun instead. hes the biggest joke in the entirety of this plain when it comes to intellect as taxian jun

heavenly rift:

heavenly rift occurs. when the rift opens basically in this cannon event of sorts: the responsibility to close it falls on chu wanning, and for chu wanning to be able to close it requires a lot of spiritual energy. this rift in particularly opens to infinite hells and unleashes a HORRIBLE SHITLOAD of demons that cut through and mutilate everything in its path.

when chu wanning manages to close it, closing it sends a whiplash of magic back in the form of those ghosts and demons that have already escaped and the wielder, basically, who has been closing it is targetted first in a single shot. like a bullet, imagine. in this lifetime, shi mei and chu wanning had been closing it so it affects both of them

mo ran finds shi mei in a pool of blood and sees chu wanning walk away and processes that as chu wanning abandoning them and it is this move that cements his dislike for chu wanning into full blown hatred and marks his descent into taxian jun.

taxian-jun era:

chu wanning watches him spiral and tries to make him wontons the way shi mei did and mo ran catches him in the act and is spews vitriol-filled bullshit when he upends the bowl of wontons and accuses chu wanning of being the reason shi mei died and of trying to take his place now [actually i don't remember if he accuses him for his death. but. shrugs]

he masters zhenlong chess formation [one of the three forbidden techniques because of how they can turn human beings into dead chess pieces vulnerable to manipulation] and uses it to be able to take over the entire cultivation world. then, he annihilates the entirety of sisheng peak and captures chu wanning

he humiliates chu wanning in every way possible: sexually, physically, verbally. the dubcon/noncon here is very... in another world, not like this, this is all that chu wanning has ever wanted. buuuut. it isn't. like that. in this one. he marries chu wanning and gives him the title of chu-fei (consort chu) and his obsession with him grows and grows and grows until it consumes everything.

he is said to be extremely unsettled after every uh.... advent outside [bloodbaths] and only crumbling into chu wanning's embrace [note: the man he apparently hates the most] consoles him then. here's a gorgeous art based on the line that i think deserves a spot in the louvre

what he holds over chu wanning, the reason for chu wanning's constant compliance to each one of his whims, is xue meng's life. when xue meng attempts an assassination that he almost succeeds in, taxian jun has finally had enough and then tells cwn he's going to kill him and cwn should stay put. cwn tells him that if he does go then cwn will kill himself in front of him. mo ran does not budge, he doesn't believe in the threat

cwn makes good on the threat and uses the final bit of his life force to summon his his second weapon, jiuge, stronger than tianwen [his chosen spiritual weapon] to break the effect of mo ran's zhenlong chess formation as he attacks taxue palace and xue meng, and then falls to his death

mo ran doesn't quite process it at first and is in disbelief. as cwn lays dying, he asks mo ran to forgive himself and mo ran doesn't quite know what to do with it. he ties cwn's body to his own spiritual energy and preserves it in red lotus pavilion as he goes off the last possible vestiges of his hinges that he didn't even know he was still hooked onto

at some point in bw, he spirals pretty badly and asks to wear his old disciple clothes that don't fit him anymore and has a breakdown about how he can't go back to the person he used to be.

he then decides to die at the forefront of an allied cultivation world marching into his stronghold by taking poison, ending his first lifetime for once and for all. he is 32, then.

LIFETIME #2: life drags mo ran back to his 15yo body and tells him to 'get another load of this shit'

before heavenly rift:

everything from mo ran joining to shi mei's wontons happen in the same fashion prior to taxian jun waking up in his 15yo self.

this time he wakes up and is immediately punished by cwn, again, for being a miscreant

xue meng is still annoying

but best of all SHI MEI IS ALIVE<3

this time around, mo ran decides to actually use his foresight from his last life and pay attention-- making him notably smarter! surprise suprise when u do the reading... u grow up to be well read?!?!?-- and as he actually does something to help instead of just being a terrible student all the time, he gets closer to chu wanning too

he notes things he seems to have forgotten from his last life, including how chu wanning constantly puts himself in harm's way to protect his disciples and how rigid his sense of justice is [cwn literally whips the guy who pays him to exorcise the ghost in his house bc he talks to the ghost and finds out these people treated her horribly in life w no remorse whatsoever] [he then proceeds to take on whatever punishment need be, which is being disciplined by another fucking elder-- a humiliating feeling no doubt and no one is even forcing it on him, instead telling him he doesn't have to actually go through this because he's an elder and he's exempt to which he argues that if he holds his disciples to this standard then he will hold himself to it, too. he expresses no regret]

mo ran at first enjoys his punishment but he when he finds out that chu wanning had not informed anyone about the injuries he'd sustained from the mission he finds it so absurd he doesn't know what to do abt it

they have a hot/cold relationship and mo ran quickly grows to understand that ok, maybe he had judged chu wanning too harshly in his past lifetime

heavenly rift:

and then the heavenly rift occurs, which well, the premise is the same this time around. chu wanning needs to close it. but mo ran knows what happens and cant let shi mei die so he puts himself in shi mei's place and offers to help. and in doing that, he is the one who is levelled the killing blow alongside chu wanning

he begs chu wanning to turn one last time as he lies there dying but while he'd afforded shi mei at least one last look, he doesn't look back at mo ran as he leaves him behind. mo ran processes this in disbelief, concluding that no he wasn't partial in his assumption of chu wanning's character and that to him, chu wanning is even worse than a dog in terms of worth

i assume it is his higher cultivation prowess or chu wanning's panicked speed of wrapping the demon shit up but by the time cwn comes back to pick him out of the rubble, he still has some of his life force left in him and cwn channels the rest of his spiritual energy inside him to keep him alive. he takes him all the way back to sisheng peak and then climbs 3799 steps with mo ran on his back while being worse off than even an average human being in terms of ability, injured, bruised and bleeding from the same wounds that are currently killing mo ran and from more additional ones he sustained neutralising everything. when he can't climb, he crawls and crawls until his hands tear open and every single part of his visible skin is marred with cuts.

he reaches loyalty hall. mo ran is heaved off him and into safety.

chu wanning dies.

after heavenly rift aka reckoning:

mo ran wakes up and is at first filled with joy. he's alive! shi mei is alive! the crisis has been averted but why is it that no one looks happy? he makes an off-handed comment about cwn and xue meng loses it-- they have a fight and mo ran is like "why should i be nicer to chu wanning when he's done nothing for me!" unaware of what exactly chu wanning has done for him, and xue meng breaks down into sobs. he holds onto mo ran and tells him "shizun would be so sad if he heard you say that from down below" and mo ran momentarily does not know how to react [i keep thinking about him going soft and sober for a second, telling mo ran, "ge, we don't have a shizun anymore"]

it is like he is taxian jun again, holding the cwn's dead body in his arms as it turns increasingly cold, when he lashes out at xue meng in disbelief. he is told what chu wanning did for him and he is horrified. he is horrified. he cant grieve. he cant eat. he cant sleep.

it is two lifetime worth of a misunderstanding that catches up. he understands that the reason for his visceral hatred of chu wanning, the part he played in shi mei's death, could have never been avoided. and that chu wanning never abandoned them, abandoned him.

it is three days after chu wanning's death that mo ran cries and it's the scene again: shizun, won't you pay attention to me? and its heartbreaking. hes like i wont hate you anymore if you just nod once, just once, and chu wanning lies there unmoving. unhearing. unfeeling. like chu fei did, a lifetime ago, unmoving, unhearing, unfeeling-- cruel and cold as he always had been to mo ran. but he wasn't, mo ran knows now. he wasn't cruel to him ever, and back then he was just dead.

anyw, then master huaizui from wubei temple comes knocking at sisheng peak's gates when he hears of cwn's death and they all find out that he was huaizui's student. huaizui tells mo ran that he knows of a way to resurrect cwn but for that, they will have to gather all his souls, starting with his human soul that will return to fulfill the biggest regret he had in life on the seventh day after his death. he is handed a lantern, the light of which will allow him to see the soul and call it inside.

this is the first part of "everything comes to a full circle" of mo ran's journey. mo ran finds chu wanning's soul in mengpo hall, with no memory of anything but his regret, making wontons. he is blind, here, and is touching everything including the pot on the pyre with his hands alone to be able to tell where what should go. his robes are as white and bloodied as they were when he died. mo ran breaks down and falls to his knees in front of him when cwn senses his presence and thinks he is shi mei, calling him over to take those wontons to mo ran and help him feel better. he realises the one who made those wontons all along was chu wannning, not shi mei and remembers how he had thrown his wontons to the ground post shi mei's death in his last lifetime in a fit of fury as he considered him responsible for his death and trying to poorly imitate who he was. he remembers how chu wanning had picked them up, one by one, and thrown them away without saying anything.

he understands chu wanning's biggest regret in his life was not going to mo ran himself and apologising, which he believed was the reason behind mo ran's twisted and fervent hatred for him.

mo ran goes to the underworld. he brings him back from the dead. he spends 5 years in suffering as huaizui works to merge all of cwn's souls together with his body.

the rest of what happens, i will not continue. this is already far too long. but this much should clarify whats happening for those REALLY in doubt.

i am choosing not to mention some of the real spoilery parts, including chu fei/mo ran's rebirth and the [flower] shit. if you know you know! if you want to know, really desperately, my dms are open.

for further reference regarding the highlights in both those timelines, here is how mo ran's character is referred to across all the stages of his increasing understanding and awareness:

bonus: rockstar taxian jun

FINAL THOUGHTS:

2ha actually is one of the most wonderful things i've read in a long while. it asks an insane unhinged unwell question that takes "would you still love me if i were a worm" to newer, cosmical levels [metaphorically equivalent to "would you still love me if i were a sewer-dwelling rat"] and answers it with "yes" and then goes and to extreme lengths to justify that answer. i love it so much. i don't think i've ever read something i loved this much in a long, long while. i would never work this hard in a bout of insanity for a primer if i didn't love it, first of all, i'm notoriously lazy. i hate doing anything. xx

but yes. so recently i wrote a fic, in trying to write a tribute to how intentionally, how terribly, chu wanning loves mo ran [to the point of death and more] and i quoted the mary oliver excerpt from march, at the end, which i think surmises ranwan perfectly.

TRANSCRIPT: There isn’t anything in this world but mad love. Not in this world. No tame love, calm love, mild love, no so-so love. And, of course, no reasonable love. [...] Something touched me, lightly, like a knife-blade. I felt I was bleeding, though just a little, a hint. Inside I flared hot, then cold. I thought of you. Whom I love, madly. ― MARCH, mary oliver

THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD BUT MAD LOVE, FORREAL. NO SO-SO LOVE. NO REASONABLE LOVE. and also, "I thought of you, whom I love, madly."

but another quote i think from salt is for curing by sonya vatomsky is also what i think of when i think of them

TRANSCRIPT: The safest place to bury a body / is another body, / is in your own body.

girls when they are driven mad by horrific love, by undeniable love, by terrible, stubborn love across lifetimes (two lifetimes, they are both yours, no regrets) ok i'm so normal about them

if you actually have read until here u should a) talk to me about ranwan and b) listen to my ranwan playlist that (archie voice) i know holds all the secrets of this universe bro :)

ok i don't know what else to say. i've been writing this for four hours straight and its 3am. i'll do anything but actually write fic fr. anyw! talk to me! goodbye! i'm sorry for being insane about this!

this is actually what prompted this

#this is the mother of all long posts i've made in my life. i've never made a long post #2ha #erha #dumb husky and his white cat shizun #二哈和他的白猫师尊 - 肉包不吃肉 #二哈和他的白猫师尊 #ranwan #chu wanning #mo ran #taxian jun #once again. i need people to see this

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haruniki · 1 year

Note

do you have any chainsaw man girls headcanons for when it's pride month?

a/n: tysm for the rq!! i really enjoyed making this and it was really fun!! Also i have no real experience with pride events (ie pride parades and such) and my knowledge is from clips I've seen from them off of tiktok. Im hoping this year i can change that but by how it's looking I'll have to aim for next year. I only included Kobeni, Power, Makima, and Quanxi. I only really write the first three but i had to include the lesbian and her gfs!! also kinda short bc i was struggling to write this a bit

content in the post: mentions of nsfw (Quanxi's part), includes my hc for characters that i will only use for this fic unless you all enjoy them(except on Quanxi's part bc she is a canon lesbian), i refer to Quanxi's gfs as just her gfs bc i really don't wanna type out all their names 😭😭, potential spoilers??

CSM Girls during Pride Month

Kobeni (hcs: she/her, bi +asexual)

Shy Bi gf energy (+ asexual!)

the quiet celebrator, doesn't really like going out to events but might go to one or two depending on how many people she thinks is going to be there

makes plan to celebrate at home like baking a rainbow layer cake or something (totally didn't hand a slice of the cake to Aki at all)

Makes a mental note of all the corporations who change their logo during pride (the public safety division)

Other than that Kobeni doesn't really celebrate, she might do some activities on her own but other than that she kinda just chills at home and watch lgbtq+ movies/shows.

Power (she/they/he, pan)

Power puts the homo in homophobic /j

Power (in my hcs) is pansexual and genderfluid! (all devils in my opinion are due to the fact that when devils die they comeback after a while as someone new, it was something like that in the manga. Apologies if i got that wrong rip)

Power has not a clue what pride month is but when they learn, she tries to make everyone give up their belongs

doesn't really know/care about anything other than that there's a whole month where if Denji is mean to her that they can call him homophobic

Makima (transfem (she/her) lesbian + aromantic)

Makima is 100% a lesbian to me, it just makes sense to me. And aromantic too!

Changes the Public Safety Division Logo to a rainbow version for the month

Also does the public apologies when someone power/denji accidentally say something a little homophobic

Makima celebrates by watching LGBTQ films

Has a mini lesbian desk flag on her desk

Another quiet celebrator but technically she has her dogs to celebrate it with her even if it's just watching a movie with them

Mentions of NSFW for Quanxi's part

Quanxi (she/her poly lesbian +aroace)

Every month is pride month when Quanxi and her gfs are around

Doesn't really care about the month being pride month, all she cares about is that her and her gfs are alive and happy

spends the month doing whatever her gfs want her to do like usual. Oh you want a certain kind of food, done. You want this? done. literally anything and she'll get it done for them

Quanxi is strapped but not the weapon kind

All she wants is for her women to be happy and if that means that for the month of june that they want her to have sex twice as much then by god she'll do it

would take advantage of the two for one sex toy deal at Spencer's/other places where they sell sex toys

Overall, Quanxi doesn't really care about the month, but her gfs might use it as a way to get more attention out of their stoic gf

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winterswhite · 1 year

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gotta ask, what do you think about the tetonaru dynamic

AH I ALMOST FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS. I was really tired and unwell when I got it and I wanted to write a proper answer so yknow. Hi, now that I can write one:

I absolutely adore the tetonaru dynamic! I got into enstars some time before Beasts first dropped, and back then I hadn't really thought about their dynamic a whole lot (especially bc... I was new to enstars lmao), but when that story first came out I started thinking about how interesting it was to put those two together, as the trans girl (at the time, a question mark) on a journey to self-love and the boy who wants nothing more than to become a man among men. Two people who are seemingly complete opposites in every way, especially in their desires and ideals, coming together at the end of the school year and exploring what it means to be who they are. Seeing Tetora in a skirt and wig I was... definitely shocked? And had no idea what to think of what the story would be like, but I did find it interesting. (continued under cut)

Then eventually, because I couldn't speak Japanese at the time to read it for myself, a translation of the story came out and it quickly became one of my favorite stories ever. I absolutely adore the way it was written and every single development that happened, both between the characters and in the story itself. Like I said before, at the time I wasn't sure whether Arashi was a trans girl or was just a... weird portrayal of an 'effeminate' boy, but this story really cemented that she is a trans girl, and it's the story I use as evidence of it all the time. Seeing Tetora learn about her and realize his mistakes? That was peak! It was also the start of a beautiful dynamic between the two of them, and it's one that I can't imagine going without now.

I just love the way their relationship started out so rough, with Tetora only having a surface-level knowledge of her and using that to praise her, not knowing that he was hurting her instead. In turn, Arashi thought he was annoying, and after being hurt by his words, decided to play a mean-spirited prank on him in return. Tetora may have looked up to her, but it was a misguided admiration, and Arashi wanted nothing more than for him to leave her alone. It's a very good representation of their characters in general - Tetora is quick to get attached to people he feels like he can look up to, and Arashi has struggled consistently with acting unfairly towards others based on her own personal annoyance etc. But then, things happened, and their relationship changed; they both had realizations about themselves and each other.

Madara told Tetora that Arashi is trans, and he realized how much he had been hurting her by calling her manly without even intending to, and he regretted his actions so much that he cried - something we never ever see him do otherwise - when apologizing to her. Even though he says he doesn't fully understand the way she feels, the way it is to be trans, he's still willing to respect and support her. He still sees her as the woman she is, and later refers to her as such when talking to Midori in the epilogue.

Arashi, on the other hand, thinks she may have put him in real danger by having him dress up as a girl, and then realizes how mean her prank was. When he apologizes so sincerely, even prostrating on the ground in dogeza, she realizes that he really meant no harm and was just being earnest. She gets upset at herself for being so mean, but forgives him for what he did, and it's a lesson in... not assuming the worst from others? Which is also really important imo, especially for Arashi, who always has. She even thinks she's just as bad as the people who have always hurt her for doing what she did.

The way their friendship has developed since that story is so special to me. Tetora saying he wants to embrace the more 'girly' parts of himself and that those can be manly strengths too is so important! And in the same way, he talks about wanting to turn his perceived weaknesses into strengths. Arashi, on the other hand, learned to love and accept both herself and others more, and again, not to assume malice where it may just be ignorance.

They both help each other improve as people and just... have become so important to each other? And that's so important to me. Watching them become such good friends, Tetora really respecting and treating Arashi like a girl and Arashi being respectful of Tetora's own wishes (he's one of the few people her age or younger that she doesn't use -chan for! Because he's expressed discomfort with it!), and the two of them hanging out together to do all sorts of things is just so cute and sweet to me. The fact that they became roommates in !! era was a dream come true for me. They both learn so much together and from each other, and their friendship is so cute.

I love seeing them do cute things together, seeing Arashi get Tetora modeling work, seeing Arashi teach Tetora about fashion and skincare (things he hadn't paid much attention to before, but now he's become so good at? He helped design the outfits for Nekketsu☆Ryusei Ninpouchou, he made suggestions for Kanata's second personalized outfit, Midori has commented on how fashionable he's gotten and several characters have commented on the condition of his skin and his use of perfumes), seeing them go shopping for accessories together (Tetora's recent 4* story destroyed me, hence the translation), seeing both of them think about and admire each other's growth... it's just been such good development for them, both as individuals and together.

Their friendship is just... so special to me. It's a story of forgiveness, of acceptance, of self-love, of respect for yourself and others, of realizing your mistakes and bettering yourself from them, of watching each other grow, and it's just plain cute. TetoNaru are just so so special to me. I don't think I even did it justice in all the words I've written here lmao. I apologize for the rant but I really care about them so much >.<

#an rambles: enstars!#tetora nagumo #arashi narukami #ask #anonymous

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keithal · 10 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written :)

oh hello! beloved enterprisery this is my fave game to do of all time, so thank u for this :D three things before we get into it: (1) out of respect for u, the first two will be iwtv fics, (2) most of these are my least popular works LMAO and (3) this got pretty long. sorry abt that.

hell and you: modern day devils minion w old man daniel and armand. sometimes i forget how much i like this fic and then i'll remember "i wrote a fic abt armand being daniel's sugar daddy, LOL." it's very funny to me personally. i especially love this bit i threw in:

He fills the apartment with the smell of his cologne and something underneath that it can’t quite mask. A smell like water left to stand too long or flowers left too long in a vase.

i like the idea of vampires smelling like death. i can forgive this tho bc i think in the later installments of the vc anne rice said vampires smell like mayo? which is ... well. at least much more attention-grabbing than what i did.

damn these vampires: an armandaniel fic that takes place immediately after the season finale. this fic was majorly inspired by a thought that woke me up from deep sleep. armand and daniel have history. armand (i'm guessing) blocked daniel's memories. but didn't wipe them. daniel can't access them, but they're still there. so how funny would it be if daniel was jealous of louis being w armand but has no fucking idea why.

He smokes one on his walk back to the penthouse, thinking of how he had stood there in the aftermath, staring at Rashid—Armand—hovering over them like fucking Mary Poppins, his hand interlocked with Louis’s, and—instead of doing what a Pulitzer-winning, seasoned journalist of his caliber should’ve been doing in the face of being this royally fucked over—absurdly, inexplicably, Daniel noted the position of Armand’s thumb: on top.

i make myself laugh.

keep on keeping on, dean winchester: deancas s13 au where jack is a baby. i can't actually think of a part of it that stands out without any context (which, in my opinion, is a good sign), but i can say that i enjoy this part quite a bit:

Friday morning, as they’re making their way through the sticks toward the interstate, Sam says, “Hey, guess what I bought,” and holds up a dusty Sing-A-Long CD. “Fuck no,” Dean says. “We are not listening to Metallica all the way to Sioux Falls with a baby in the back.” “He likes it! Right, Jack?” he calls over his shoulder. Jack makes an incandescent gurgling sound. “See? Kid knows any music made after 1979 sucks ass.” “Singing in early childhood is important, Dean. It helps kids with language development, memory, and emotional regulation, and it entrains their social visual behavior.” “Thanks, Spock. You’re the pride of the Federation.” “Dean.” “Dude, I’m just saying, we can entrain his social visual behavior with the classics. We don’t need that baby crap. It’s the 21st century. All we need is Zep, Cash, some AC/DC—”

i worked really hard to capture dean's voice--like, harder than i've ever worked to scrub my own voice from a piece of writing. the amount of references and sayings in this bitch? sheesh.

i'm also very happy with how the relationship btwn jack and dean developed. one person who commented made a very intelligent observation that even i hadn't realized: i made dean see himself in jack. and it makes sense, doesn't it? jack's mom died bc of the supernatural; he wasn't allowed to process this loss at all; and he was left in the care of a father who'd lost a spouse. a father whose grief made him mean and treated his son like an object (hence the "it" pronouns used in the beginning).

anyway! very happy w how it turned out :)

long live the kingslayer: an elriel mission fic. i've spoken abt it like. a million times by now. and i still love it <3 there's just so much real estate to work w when it comes to elain. she's so underdeveloped that anything u say abt her is almost always pure conjecture. it was so much fun to take a character i loved so dearly and write a story where she was never punished for being who she is.

i'm still very fond of this part in particular:

“Wait,” he said before she could leave. His voice was nearly as hesitant as his expression, flickering between uncertainty and a strange, boyish shyness that was captivating on him. He reached into his leathers—where, she couldn’t know—and pulled out a small container. “Here,” he said, placing it in her hands. She opened it. Inside was a smelly, yellow ointment. “A salve,” he explained, “for your hands.” An unnameable feeling seized her. She hadn’t thought he noticed, never dared mention it out of fear of what he’d think, and this whole time he’d been carrying this salve with him. A salve for her hands. It was a terrible idea. She knew it as soon as it came to her, but she grabbed Azriel by the ears anyway, drew him down to her height, and kissed his cheek. She felt his skin go warm, and she imagined how surprised he must look, how shy. When she pulled back, she saw that his face was indeed dark with color, avoiding her gaze. Simultaneously pleased at her reaction and embarrassed by it. He was magical, she thought, and she loved him dearly. Loved him so much that it broke her heart. “Thank you,” she said. “This will be invaluable.” Finally, a smile from him. Unable to resist it, she brushed the back of her hand over his cheek, fond, and said, “I’ll leave you to rest.”

a lot of acotar fans hate it when ppl write azriel to be soft and shy and not particularly dark at all. me, personally? i think that’s boring. azriel was born into an abusive and violent home and suffered unimaginable torture at a very young age. he developed powers meant to protect him from the horror of his daily life, and those powers made him a great spymaster/torturerer. but it's so obvious that azriel hates his position within the court. he's starved of intimacy and tenderness. he has an extremely reserved and kind nature. it's a much more meaningful to have a character like that find someone who recognizes his gentleness and desire for gentleness in him and offers it to him. those characteristics don't make him any less of a man.

god never wrote a good play in his life: a god/chuck character study written in second person. i genuinely don't know how the toxic sibling relationship btwn amara and chuck doesn't make more people absolutely fucking insane. this story is chuck-centered, obviously, but i don't think anyone realizes WHY i did that. i don't like chuck! i didn't like writing from his perspective! i did it bc all of supernatural is chuck-centered. even when it isn't quote-unquote "his" story, it's still his. the point of the whole thing is for the reader to do what chuck/the show doesn't: break out of what's being told to u! look at the other characters! namely, look at amara.

chuck tries to scrub her from the story completely. the fic is 3k long, yet chuck doesn't mention amara at ALL unless she's onscreen. and even when she is onscreen, we can't trust a fucking thing he says! as exemplified here:

Maybe that wasn’t how it happened. Maybe you and your Sister were perfectly capable of creation. It would be absurd if you weren’t. Surely it wasn’t possible that you couldn’t create anything together. If you were in harmony, that should have implied you, together, would excel at it. She was an eccentric mind, designing balls of gas and entire solar systems that resembled you, right where all your rings met. (The most terrifying thing She came up with was the collapse of a star, where it became a gaping black mouth that swallowed everything in sight. You and I, She explained, perfectly in balance.) You were far less excitable, putting all your focus into the one planet you’d claimed as your own, but as you watched Her in those moments, you privately invented jealousy. Maybe you were lying about the lying. Perhaps They did give you counsel in a lapse of generosity, and your essence catapulted as you realized you would have to choose. Or possibly that day went like every other. Maybe She never met Them, and you only met Them much later, once you had shoehorned Them into part of your story. So instead of revelations and sacrifices, your Sister told you about centripetal force as you floated, listening, your rings spinning in slow, lazy circles, and you told Her about how little you cared for all this science and math She liked so much. Where is the pathos? you asked, and She sighed much as an exasperated older Sister should, and you realized that you loved Her very much. Or maybe you didn’t.

WHY? why is that? it's because the longer she's in the story, the worse chuck looks.

amara loved chuck from beginning to fucking end. she was born loving him. she chose him, always, over and over again. and chuck knew this! he used it! he would dangle the possibility of him finally loving her back to get her to do what he wanted. and what does chuck do abt this? abt his story, the first to ever exist? he recreates it. michael & lucifer; cain & abel; dean and sam (all men, curiously). to ... what? prove that he isn't the only brother to have not loved his sibling back? that in his position, u would've done the same?

i could talk abt that fic all day. best thing i've ever written.

#thought abt cutting this down after seeing how everyone else was doing it but then decided this is my blog #mutuals #keith writes #keith gets a question

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topconfessions · 11 months

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I’m not even a bp fan but i’m on kpop twt and it just always bugs me seeing tweets/ppl in general painting this image that J is a social climber and being all misogynistic just bc she dates men that are literally on the same level as her. I completely agree with everything you just said except for the fact that GD was a win for her, yes maybe he introduced her to important figures fashion wise (chanel to be specific) but that was literally it. She was held back during their whole dating time frame, the only time she was publicly seen was with blackpink and even then, L was the one who was pushed the most. Bey started dating Jay Z when she was literally nothing so you cannot compare her situation to the bp girls, yes L doesnt have that big of an impact in fashion either but she still could pull another respective brand on her own without that man (that doesn’t mean shes not using him to get even higher lmao) the same way jisoo pulled cartier (bc of BP’s name). J was just as big & maybe even bigger than GD when they started dating and with his group image being ruined & him being 8 years older than her it affected her career negatively and there’s no way she needed him at that point, i truly believed she only dated him just to live the fantasy of dating your idol.

Bey was already from a popular girl group. She was not nothing. If this was Ashanti I'd agree with you as she was highly pushed by the labels to be aaliyahs replacement but held in there thanks to her own sound.

You must be new cause I've clearly handed bigbangs ass to them and if anything I am now a former fan of theirs and GD was never my bias or idol, in or out of the group. So unless you're speaking in a broad spectrum on the last sentence of "dating your idol" i.e upsetting fangitls everywhere, you're inaccurate and sorely mistaken if this affects me or I personally care about Jiyong like that. He's a fucking twig compared to me in real life, that's someone I could never date even if I was interested and had access to him cause we're so physically and emotionally different.

That is opinion based. You're allowed to feel that way and "truly believe" that but that's asinine and goofy, you know it is. You think this successful girl now woman only dated GD to upset a nation of kids and others for an ego boost? In the real world they vibes, had some things in common and grew close naturally like all couples do, Maybe attraction too. The only person in Korea we know of that literally fucked or dated someone to piss fans off living the "fantasy" is seo hee who messed with top, she said it out of her own mouth.

So we can say what we think but let's not put what we think as facts.

This isn't a comparison it's an analogy and reference point, I stand on what I said and I can compare the two if I want to. If anything bey needed Jay more than Jennie ever needed GD. Also speaking on Jennies "level" is literally subjective cause she scored and was always secured in ways her other female peers older and the same age as her wasn't in other agencies cause she was / under YG. I'd say HyunA in my opinion is objectively more on GDs "level" than Jennie could ever be. Having access and sharing the same space as well as work place as someone with means doesn't make that person on your level. Never forget that truly where truly created, Blackpink, to give why a pretty feminine easily marketable and more youthful girlgroup that he lacked the entire time that could go up against the likes other SM and others. He wanted something completely different from 2NE1 and so anyone in her position would been where she is now had she not made the cut for the line up.

Where would Beyonce ever be today if she didn't have Jay showing her the ropes and turning onto the game of the industry? There is a lot of dirt and stories the average doesn't know or concern themselves about bey and them.

Anyways, the point still remains. There is nothing wrong hypergamy, social climbing ir just dating men at the same ranks as you or in the same circles. That's life. It's to he expected but it's becoming highly apparent that any responses about this is primarily based on favoritism or being interested in Jennie as a fan and liking her. I need to hear this same sentiment you're responding with as if you don't know who Jennie is and only gave passively watched her career - I need something objective.

this is also why kpop is considered a shit hole these days outside of us, the fans who love it and understand it, cause you can't say anything objective or negative about groups like bts or BP without arguments or heavy debates. We had fun here talking about Jennies path in dating and now its turned into a "she's not a gold digger social climber" resistance. It makes me no difference how she lives because I am not Jennie and don't aspire to have a career in entertainment.

As for GD? he is a win just like Jennie was a win for him in many aspects. How you take that is on you. Also this is Tumblr. Kpop twitter is its own separate entity. We're here. Not there. I don't care about what's going on there unless legit dirt is leaked there. So let's not bring kpop twt into this to transfer it into this convo as if me or anyone else here frequents that shit hole in the first place.

At the end of the day it's not serious for any of us and if you're defending Jennie for how many perceive her, you need to take a hard look at why this is in the first place. 7 Years from now she won't matter as much and she's be looked at the way 2ne1 and hopefully wnwd is looked at currently.

Kpop is microwavable and I can name 15 groups that were IT back in the day nobody talks about or cares about anymore cause they aged out and their fans are old & mature now. You won't gain anything from this just like I won't.

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strsburn · 3 years

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Hiya

Can u write a Shang Chi fic in which he helps/saves the reader and then comforts & takes care of her afterwards, because she gets a panick attack. Thank you, have a great day😁

fix you | shang-chi

pairing - shang chi x reader

synopsis - in which a creep gets a little too handsy and the infamous bus boy quickly remedies that

see also - if there is one thing useful his father had taught him, it was to always respect a lady

warnings - sleazy douchebags, violence a little, anxiety, oh and shang-chi he's hot enough to issue his own warning

notes - thank you for the request anon! i kinda change things a little bc i did not want to trigger anyone so yeah also this is my first shang-chi fic so please be gentle with me

this fic takes place after the movie, it will contain references to past events that occurred in the movie, but nothing that should reveal spoilers

tagging : @wint3r-h3art

You're not completely sure what persuaded you to come out tonight. Perhaps it was boredom, or peer pressure, given that your usual group of friends complained about you never leaving the comfort of your home less it be work related.

Nonetheless, there you found yourself on a Saturday evening, nursing your second martini as you stood stiffly by the bar. Your knuckles were white as they gripped the edges of your dress, trying in vain to pull the skin tight material further down your thighs.

Your eyes scanned the crowd uneasily as the pulse of the music echoed through the floor, the loud beat sending vibrations through your being.

Just as you were going to finish up your drink and call it a night, you felt an unfamiliar presence sidle up next to you.

"Hey pretty thing, need some company?" You turned at the voice to see a sleazy looking man a couple years your senior eyeing you up.

You winced as he didn't wait for your reply, his arm coming to rub your uncovered shoulder sending an uncomfortable feeling creeping down your spine.

"Please don't touch me." You spoke up, not wanting to deal with his disgusting behavior.

The man ignored you as you attempted to slide from his grip, his fingers suddenly digging into your shoulder to keep you still.

You let out a cry as the pain registered in your shoulder sending your glass crashing to the ground in splinters as your grip loosened.

A few people looked up at the commotion, interests piqued but no one bothered to help leaving you to stand pitifully in the man's grasp.

"Hey!" A deep voice suddenly filled the room as the crowd parted to reveal an handsome asian man, one you recognized as San Francisco's newly dubbed 'bus boy'.

He walked forward, his basketball shoes squeaking against the floor as the club lights reflected off his face, highlighting his features that were currently set in a frown.

You tensed as the guy gripped onto you tighter, his face set in an ugly scowl as he looked over at the newcomer.

"I believe the lady asked you to not touch her." He pressed on, when the man made no move to answer him.

"Fuck off, little boy. This doesn't concern you." The man finally spoke up, his grip relaxing as he moved forward to step into the guy's space.

You watched on nervously, trying to stay quiet in hopes of the man forgetting you were there, though by the grip he had on you, you figured he would not be letting go anytime soon.

At his reply, you watched as the man sighed heavily shaking his head as he straightened up, "Alright, well, I gave you the easy option, now we try things my way."

Before you could blink you watched as the man lifted his hands, moving one in front of him, palm facing forward and the other positioned the same way, slightly behind the other.

His foot came to circle behind his body as he relaxed with the movement, his limbs moving like that of a stream.

At his actions, the guy before you let go of your arm to laugh heartily as the others joined in, two guys coming to stand behind him, presumably friends.

"Oh, we going to dance now pretty boy?" He mocked.

In one split second he moved and you watched in awe as his palm pushed outward sending an imperceptible force at the man that had him sailing through the air and into a nearby table, people shrieking as glasses burst across the ground.

The man growled as he stood from the mess, his shirt soaked through with alcohol as he surged forward, the crowd stumbling back as others pulled out their phones to document the iconic moment.

You took the chance to scramble out of the way as the bus boy leapt into the air to avoid the man aiming for his legs.

As he was doing this, you noticed the two men from earlier creeping up behind him and you felt fear clench at your heart.

"Look out!" You called, catching his attention as he acknowledged the men coming up behind.

Your jaw practically touched the floor as you witnessed his iconic move, his legs coming into a split as he sent a kick to the men at the same time, the force behind it sending the two of them across the floor into a wall.

He landed with a crouch, sending the girls nearby squealing as he stood to shake out his collar, shaking his jacket from crumbs.

The men smartly stayed on the floor as security came to escort them out, one of them already on the phone with police.

As the crowd began to thin out, now bored that the fight was over you bravely made your way over to your rescuer, your heels crunching on the glass that sparkled underneath the still shining lights.

"Hi." You muttered out shyly, catching his attention as he examined a cut on his arm.

"Hey, you okay?" He smiled at you, eyes looking over you for any source of pain.

You shook your head slowly, tears pricking at your eyeline as you realized what had almost occurred had he not stepped in.

Noticing your state, he grabbed your hand in his, sending a reassuring squeeze as he looked around for a moment.

"Hey, come with me for a second, please? I promise I won't hurt you, but we need to get out of here before the police arrive." You followed behind him as he led you a few doors down to a nearby ice cream shop, that happened to still be open.

You sat down softly as he slid in the seat across from you, your eyes catching his.

"Uh hi, first of all, I'm sorry that I didn't get there sooner to stop him from grabbing you, and uh secondly, my name is Shang-chi, probably should have started off with that." He smiled sheepishly and for some reason that set you off.

You started to laugh, all thoughts of the previous altercation gone as you relaxed, eyes studying his sharp jawline and beautiful brown eyes.

"Well, Shang-chi, how about as a thank you, I pay for the ice cream. And maybe, we can hang out sometime in better circumstances?" You offered.

At your words, his smile widened and his eyes lit up as he reached forward to lean closer to you, eyes flickering to your lips briefly.

"It's a date."

#shang chi #shang chi x you #shang chi x reader #simu liu #simu liu imagine #marvel imagine #fluff #protective shang chi #bizzarebarnes #shang-chi x reader #shang-chi

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yourmidnightlover · 3 years

Text

never go back

Summary: spencer notices how your boyfriend takes advantage of you and finally does something about it.

TW: titty sucking, oral (female receiving), cheating, dom!spencer, scratching, slapping (only one), cursing, choking, spencer dirty talk lol, penetrative sex, creampie. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,724

A/N - i'm using noah as the 'other man' schtick in probably all of my future one shots bc i can't find it within myself to create a new character each and every time. so your douche of a bf will always be noah miller. if you ever get a nice bf i'll be sure to change his name but for now this is what we're working with. got it? got it.

masterlist

-------------------------------

there are many things that people should go back to. schooling, maybe an old job, an old vacation spot.

your boyfriend was not one of those things.

mostly because your boyfriend sucked.

it was now a fact that spencer reid himself had come to believe quite a while ago and now, well now he had reason.

he had always felt as though you were too good for noah, similar for practically anyone in existence (himself included). he was always a complete ass to you no matter the circumstance.

there was one time the entire team had been back really late from a case that took a toll on all of you. it was emotionally and physically draining. the flight back had been delayed because of weather issues in the state you had been in, meaning you couldn't leave until days after it was solved.

any time you had gone to answer the phone, spencer would be able to see your stance and body language through the glass window. you had been apologizing for something you couldn't even control. you would narrow your brows the way you only did when you were being yelled at. you bit your lip the way you did when you were being made to feel guilty.

he was guilt tripping you for something you couldn't even control.

when you had gotten back it wasn't any better. noah had been giving you the cold shoulder. he was defensive when you asked what was wrong.

and that was only 3 weeks into the relationship.

after being together for 2 months, you had gotten flowers delivered on your desk. you assumed they were from your boyfriend, reasonably so, and went to go thank him. spencer saw the shock in your eyes when you saw your boyfriend huddled in the corner with some new intern. spencer saw the look in your eye change from sadness to anger in the blink of his own.

you took a deep breath, and walked away from the situation, completely missing the way he tucked the intern's hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper something to make her giggle. when you got back to your desk you threw the flowers in the garbage can, not even bothering to read the note.

it was pretty indirect, but looking into it he realized it was an issue that should've been addressed. every time the team would go out together, everyone was clearly invited. you would always decline because 'noah wanted to take me out tonight' or 'noah said he needs me, so i'll have to rain check'.

it wasn't because you were a bad person, the opposite actually. it was because noah was taking advantage of your kindness.

because any time you needed him, 'noah's out with the boys' or 'noah had to work late' or, here's a kicker, 'noah had a hard time at work'. as if you don't have a hard time looking at dead bodies while he just has to write up reports.

even when you got injured during a case, shot in the shoulder, noah seemed as though he couldn't have cared less. he wouldn't even go to your apartment to visit you while you were in recovery because 'noah didn't have time to visit'.

spencer could even recall when you went out with the girls one night, spencer being the designated driver, that you had told them how 'noah didn't want you to dress too provocatively so you had to wear something more modest'.

now, spencer doesn't care all to much about what you wear because, frankly, it's none of his business. but now that he heard how noah cared oh-so-much, he decided to wrack his brain for the 'provocative' outfits you've worn. there was not a single one that anyone should make a comment about. you looked stunning no matter what you wore, so you'd grab any man's attention no matter the clothing on your body.

but spencer? he made sure to never be that much of an asshole to you. he made sure to make up for him being an asshole.

he would grab you some morning coffee like you always had before you had a boyfriend. he would make sure to tell you that you looked lovely when you were able to go out with the team. he would visit you when you injured yourself and were lonely, he even stayed back for a few days with you to help you get through it.

hell, he was the one to get you the flowers. you had been having a rough week and spencer thought it might cheer you up. he had gifted you a bouquet of 12, blue chiffon flowers because those were your favorite.

but this was his breaking point. you had come to his apartment, once again in the middle of the night, talking about noah fucking miller cheating on you.

he had done it once before when he was 'out with the boys' you decided to stop by when he said he'd be back, wanting to just be the amazing girlfriend that you are. so when you walk in and hear your boyfriend moaning along with another woman that isn't you, you immediately run back out. you run back out and drive all the way to spencer's.

and here you are again. spencer wasn't mad at you, it was noah he was mad at. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

spencer had always liked you, no, he's always loved you. everything about you. how could he not? you're perfect.

but loving you how he does and seeing you being used as a toy to fuck for a certain noah miller not only made his heart ache but also made his blood boil.

spencer wasn't an idiot. he had heard the way the old morgan had referred to women. the thing is, noah is way more of a fuckboy than the old morgan ever was. and that scared spencer to pieces. he knew that you would only be missing out on team outings just to get fucked by a douchebag. he knew that the only reason said douchebag wouldn't visit you was because you couldn't fuck. he knew that the reason said douchebag was cornering that intern was to fuck her, too.

so when you arrived at spencer's place, this time you weren't crying. you were furious. you were angry and upset, as was spencer.

"he did it again, spence," you breathed out as you paced across his living room floor. "i was supposed to meet him in a few hours but i was going to surprise him and i caught him with another tramp! i didn't even confront him. i just- i just left!"

"cheated? noah?" he asked as if he didn't believe it at first, not wanting to seem like as much of a dick as noah.

"yes! cheated. god! i am so ANGRY!" you ran your hand through your hair, a grunt leaving your mouth. "and... and frustrated! and... UGH!" you sighed aggressively.

"and what?" spencer asked as he stood up, slowly making his way to you. "what else?" he said, his hand now brushing that stubborn strand of hair behind your ear.

"i-i'm..." you trailed off, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit how much you loved spencer. but you thought he'd never love you like that. not since you helped him through jj getting married. he really thought she was it for him, at least that's what you'd come to think he believed. over the years you had grown so much closer and grown such an attraction for each other that the other person knew about. it was ironic, truly.

"say it, y/n," spencer leaned over you, his lips ghosting over yours. "i need to hear you say it."

"god, just kiss me," you said, your hands flying to the back of his hair to push his mouth to yours.

there was no hesitation from spencer to give you everything he had. his hand on the side of your face remained there as his other hand drifted to your waist to pull you closer to his body. your tongues met fervently with covetous, passion, and longing yet with just gentle firmness that felt protecting and as if it was how everything was supposed to be.

"please, spencer," you quietly whispered once you unlatched from one another.

"please what, princess," he asked, his hand running through your hair.

"i just... i need you," she pleaded with him, her hands still tugging gently on his hair. "please," you put your foreheads together, breathing in each others air as you silently begged him to help you in any way that he could.

"i'd do anything for you," he whispered so delicately as if the entire team were standing right beside you. "you know i'd do anything for you."

"then do something," you demanded.

spencer took action by kissing you just as intensely as before, this time his hands went to your ass. he grabbed your thighs to signal for you to jump, once you did you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you into his bedroom. he set you down just in front of the bed before you began to undo his shirt, him returning the favor by undoing yours.

"god, i've wanted you for so long," he growled, nipping gently at your earlobe as he laid you back on the bed. "lift your hips," he ordered, you obeyed his every command. you always would. "good girl," he praised as he ran his hands down your now bare waist.

"please," you begged, your hips bucking up to get any source of friction. "spencer..." you trailed off.

"i know, princess. i know," he said before climbing on top of you, connecting your lips with his once again, this time much more eager than before if that were possible.

as you arched your back, he took the opportunity to unclasp the hook on your bra. you shrugged it off your shoulders to allow him to throw the bra somewhere else in his room. he finally took a breath, removing his lips from yours to admire the view in front of him.

"god, you're so beautiful," he growled before placing gentle but eager kisses along the tops of your breasts, massaging the one his mouth wasn't on.

he pressed his knee between your legs, allowing you to buck your hips up to get that release you wanted so bad. you whined as he took your nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking past it rapidly as he occasionally nibbled on it gently.

"spen-spencer," you ran your hands through his hair, tugging gently on the roots.

"mmm," he sat his head up, trailed kisses up your throat. "god, i love you so much."

"i-i love you," you moaned, pulling his head up to connect your lips together. "i love you so so much."

"i'm so glad to hear that," he huffed a sigh of relief. "because otherwise it'd be awkward when i did this," he began trailing kisses down your body, leading down towards your center. "i'll show you what it's like to be with a man that actually loves and respects you, yea? show you what it feels like to actually be pleased by a man? what it's like to be with a real man?" he teased.

his fingers trailed around your entrance, gathering your arousal that'd been building for what felt like ages. he pressed gentle kisses around your pussy before finally connecting his lips with your clit, a low groan emitting from your body because of the contact.

"yes, please," you shot your head back, relishing in the feeling of the direct skin contact.

"hey," spencer slapped your thigh, your head shot back up to see him between your legs, a truly beautiful sight that you'd never get tired of. "eyes on me," he demanded before going back down on you, not breaking eye contact as he brought out sounds from you that you weren't even sure you could make. "talk to me, princess. let me know how it feels."

"fe-feels so good," you sighed, taking your breasts in your hands and massaging them. "i-i can-can't even think," you stuttered out, too caught up in the pleasure to form a coherent sentence.

you had felt so good as he sucked on your clit, succeeding in bringing you closer to the edge than noah ever has, but when he inserted two fingers into your entrance...

"oh my fuck!" your hands shot down to grab onto his locks, pushing him further into your body, a low groan leaving him.

his fingers didn't stop their work. he curled them at just the right spot, sending you flying over the edge. spencer used his free hand to grab onto your thigh to keep them from closing in completely on his head, still working you through your high. he placed a kiss on your clit once more before he brought his head up to you, connecting your lips passionately.

"could noah ever make you come like that? huh? could he make you feel so good you could barely even think?" he grabbed your chin in his hands, holding it in place to look at him as you shook your head the best you could. "no?"

"mm-mm," you tried to shake your head 'no' once more.

"did you think of him while i was going down on you? were you thinking about how he fucked that little tramp?" he asked harshly, you shook your head 'no' again. "oh, what were you thinking, princess?" he finally released your face so you could speak.

"ab-about how well you know my body. about how, how good you looked between my legs. about how much i love you," you replied quickly, knowing exactly what to say.

"right answer," he connected your lips once more. "what do you want, love?" he asked, peppering soft kisses along your jaw where his hands once held your throat firmly.

"you. i-i want you in-inside me," you swallowed, your hand finding his and pulling it up to your lips to press a kiss to it, then another, then another, then another. "please, doctor?" you used your best puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn't resist.

"god, call me that again," he rasped lowly.

"what... doctor?" you took his hand and started sucking on his fingers, letting them slip in and out slowly and then moving onto the next.

"fuck, yes," he growled as he pressed another kiss to your lips before lining himself up at your center. "are you sure, princess?" he traced your jaw with the fingers you were previously sucking on.

"yes, sir," you nodded. "i'm sure."

you felt him slowly push inside of you slowly to allow you to adjust to his size. you had your suspicions of how big he was, but feeling him inside of you made it all much more real.

"fuck, you're so tight," he moaned into your ear quietly as he slowly pulled back out, going in just as slow.

"sp-spence-"

"wrong," he slapped your face gently, a whimper leaving your lips before he grasped your face to make you look him in the eyes.

"doc-doctor," you corrected yourself.

"good girl," he said, feeling your pussy clench from the praise. "oh you like that?" he felt it again. "maybe you just like hearing me talk, yea?" his pace began picking up slowly. "you like hearing how this pussy makes me feel? how tight... and warm... and wet it is?"

"u--uh huh," you nodded your head the best you could as he began thrusting much more rapid, hitting that special spot inside of you with each movement.

"it seems like you haven't felt this good in a long time huh? haven't had your pussy pounded like this in a while?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"ne-never, doctor," you confirmed, hands reaching around his back and dragging your nails down, surely leaving scratch marks all down them.

"fuck," he growled. "noah never made you feel this good princess? never made you forget how to speak in sentences? never knew how to get you going like this?"

"n-no, no! never! god, never!" you cried as you pulled his body even closer to you. "i-i'm close, please!"

"you wanna come all over my dick, yea? you want to show me how much your pussy loves it when a real man fucks it?"

that was it to let that spring burst inside of you, parts flying everywhere. you cried his name as he worked you through your orgasm, holding onto his shoulders and hair to keep you grounded.

"cum inside me, please," you begged. "fi-fill me up."

"fuck, whatever you want, princess," he kept pounding into you at a rapid pace. "god, i'm gonna come inside you, and send you back to that scumbag of a boyfriend so he can see that you're mine now. so he can see what happens when his girlfriend is mistreated and fucked by someone who knows what they're doing, yea?"

"yea, yea!" you whined, nails digging back into his skin as he released his load into you, thrusting it gently back inside after.

"god, i love you so much," he moaned into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek by your ear.

"i love you," you replied, stroking his hair to help him come down, him still inside of you. he began thrusting inside of you once again.

"don't want any of it to spill out before you get to him," he felt you clench around him one more time. "you're very responsive, princess. i like that about you."

"it-it's just you, spence. it's always been you," you pulled him in for another kiss.

this one was full of passion but not the kind of eagerness. it was full of desire and longing, pent up emotions flowing out into one another fluidly.

"now let me go see my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," you huffed as he pulled out of you, wincing from the overstimulation. "i'll see you later?"

"i'll see you later," he pressed a kiss to your forehead before helping you gather your clothes.

driving back to his apartment, you felt rather giddy with yourself. should you have felt bad? absolutely not. he's a manipulative asshole who's used you for sex on numerous occasions, so he deserved the bittersweet irony of what was coming to him.

*get it, coming to him? lol i'm sorry i had to :)*

you knocked on the door softly, greeted by a rather chipper noah who grabbed your face as soon as he saw you, connecting your lips. his kiss was nothing like spencer's. his lips weren't as soft and tentative. they weren't plump and round, they were harsh and rough and unpleasant.

he quickly led you to the bedroom, not to your surprise. he sat down on the bed, you straddled his hips, acting as if it were spencer instead - which was pretty hard to do after knowing what he was like in the sack.

you felt his boner through his pants quickly after you got on top of him. then when he flipped you over and pulled your pants and underwear down, he was met with a surprise.

"someone's excited to see me," he chuckled before licking a thick stripe from your slit to clit, very aggressive to where it almost hurt to have the pressure. "god you taste so good, doll."

he continued at this for a while, inserting his tongue to your hole very once in a while and licking up yours and spencer's arousal with it. you faked your moans and whimpers as his ministrations became more eager, not really getting you anywhere.

after he was finished with your turn - no, he didn't even make you cum - he laid back on the bed as if he were waiting for you to get on top of him again.

"actually," you stood up from the bed, pulling up your clothes with you. "i'm done with this. we're over."

you watched his face as he took in the information just released to him. it changed from surprised and shocked, to confused, to disgusted, to angry and frustrated.

"what the fuck?" he sat up from the bed, a disgruntled look on his face. "you wait until after you cum to tell me this?" he walked over to you, arms flailing in the air.

"yea. i did. and by the way, i didn't cum," you informed him. "that's something you've never really been good at making me do. although i'm not sure how you've been able to convince me to do anything with the way you treat me."

"what do you mean? i'm a good gu-"

"shut up for one second, please," you rolled your eyes, running your hand through your hair. "i know you've cheated on me numerable times. i stayed because i thought that maybe there was a reason, but i've come to realize that i was just... settling with you," you shrugged.

"you've treated me like crap since this 'relationship' started and i'm tired of it. i know someone who not only treats me with respect and kindness, but can also actually make me cum. shocker," you chuckled.

"who is this asshole? what the hell-"

"i wasn't finished, sweetie," you spat out viciously. "he's not an asshole. you're the asshole. you're the one that's getting dumped. so this is goodbye," you turned around to walk out of his room before leaving him with one more thought. "how did his cum taste with mine?" you tilted your head innocently, smiling at his shocked face as he realized what you meant before walking out.

and you were never more glad that you didn't have to go back to him anymore.

taglist:

@muffin-cup @greenprisca @averyhotchner

#dom!spencer #smut #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #cheating

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