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#he just comes off as poorly-done comic relief

ramrage · 2 years

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A Mountain of Salt

reviewing the new thor movie, lifted from my messages in a thorki discord i’m in

So, my absence from this discord quite neatly shows the fact that I am *so done* with Marvel shit at this point. The characters I love are either dead or so different from how they started that they might as well be dead, the fandom is generally feral, the ship's popularity just ain't what it used to be, etc. etc. And in the meantime, I have found another dalliance. Yes, I am cheating on my fandom and OTP (scandalous!) and in doing so, I've come to the conclusion that Marvel tries and pathetically fails to make Pirates of The Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Every fucking time. Think about it--there's a plot, for one, the humor works so well (perhaps because it's actually funny shit, the actors who deliver it do it well, and there's again that lil plot, solid characters, solid dialogue to carry it), the pacing is great, so many memorable characters, romance that's compelling, sick costumes, the fucking SCORE, oh. and the effects (mostly) don't look like dogshit. The movies are fun and light, but they're actually compelling despite that.

Also, the idea of Jack Sparrow, that crazy little rogue, messing around with (emotionally) constipated Commodore James Norrington is hot as fuck!

But the movie. Oh the movie. I had the terrible misfortune of actually seeing it and during my watch, I decided to make a tally of the things I liked and the things I didn't. I was trying to be generous. /Anything/ that I felt didn't suck went on my Like tally, and I decided to /not/ add a tally for every instance that shit was out of character, made no sense, was acted poorly, etc. Even so, It ended up being like. 12 to 37 or something.

The thing that broke my heart the most was Thor's character (obviously.) Straight up. I do not know that man. A pure stranger. Don't know him from dick. Who the fuck was THAT? and why in the world was he playing comic relief for this own fucking movie? Only in the end(-ish) did I recognize him--y'know, the scene where he was telling off Zeus. He was responsible, giving a shit, looking to take care of something bigger than himself and willing to be brave and bold to do so. That was a cool, like, two minutes, though. Everything else had him portrayed as a fucking buffoon, self-centered, idiotic, insecure. And the Jane romance. Hm. That's for another paragraph.

Surprisingly, I didn't mind Jane much at all. The scenes that earned the most Likes and the least amount of dislikes were solo Jane scenes. Natalie actually seemed to commit to this movie in ways she didn't in the first two Thor's, which was nice. Her scenes had emotional grounding and though the way they treated cancer in the movie was a bit iffy, I think she played it well enough. But yeah. The romance. First off, when the fuck did this even happen? Maybe I've been doing too much self-preservation in not studying the MCU timeline, but this long romance doesn't seem to fit ANYWHERE. The two have less sexual tension than a pair of spoons, perhaps better than previous movies, but still. The romance made no sense, the degree to which Thor was hung up on it made no sense, the idea that Thor had never really loved anyone except for Jane made no sense, either. Her loss had no weight (or not much) for me because I couldn't realistically believe in how deeply they loved each other. Made no fucking sense at all. And Thor not wanting her to die in battle and all? weird. Asgardians see death differently than Western humans, so why are they treating it in the way they do?

As for the rest of the characters... Darcy's little cameo felt genuine but not spectacular, Valkyrie was fine (I am biased because I am very gay about her), Korg was fine but seemed like fanservice if we consider Taika and his desire to be on-screen a fan, Zeus was a little too buffoon-y for me to get behind (also the accent seemed. In some way uncouth to me, but whatever), fuck those fucking GOATS OMG, and Gorr. At times the acting was a little /too/ funky for my tastes, but hey, I have to respect a blunder in the name of making a character seem /full/. He looked cool, badass, and dare I say a little sexy. However, given the fate of his daughter, y'know the thing that started his whole villainy, it didn't make sense to me that he'd be terrorizing children. But what do I know? On the topic of children, I feel like TW does like to portray the strength of children in his movies which is cool! That is good! People often overlook children as human beings, indeed, but lol I do not care. Not remotely. I have no interest in seeing an army of children (which sounds troubling, but I guess makes sense in as much as they are Asgardians. But if that's the case, why are they all absolutely clueless vis-a-vis battle? Where did that pillar of Asgardian culture go?) and let's be real, realistically one of them would've karked it in the fray, but none of them did.

Before entirely abandoning the ideas of Gorr and of children, I have to address Love. Silly fucking tie-in for the title. Silly fucking tie-in for one of the main themes of the movie, and ham-fisted at that. And ah, I don't feel great shitting on a child, but I remember watching the movie and thinking "God, this child actor really sucks. Wooden and all." Because kids /can/ be good at acting, they really can. Then I learned that Love was portrayed by Chris Hemsworth's kid and it all made sense. Like, nepotism sucks but it can be worked with. There are some very talented nepotism babies, but this kid was not one of them. This movie and all the shit around it has honestly put me off CH entirely. Like, he seems like a douche. And how everyone is treating this movie like Grown Ups in which bad actor guy who always gets a hot wife or whatever used shooting as a means to take a vacation with his buddies. Not cool.

I was confused to see New Asgard and how it was portrayed. I mean. The Asgardians were always a proud (if not straight-up arrogant) people but yet they've made their whole existence into being a Disney park (hm...) and somehow have none of the same values or tendencies as OG-Asgard. Very strange. I know imperialism and capitalism are buddies, but they are not the same, y'know?

The vfx for the final battle in the shadow realm or whatever the fuck it was called actually looked pretty cool. Like with the b&w, the intense highlights and shadows. Sort of comic-booky look. Not sure if that was intentional or just a product of Too Much Fucking CGI, though. The battle lost its flavor once the kids entered the fray, but I guess the movie did sort of turn out to be Thor 4: More Thor(s) than Ever Before. Eternity looked cool, I appreciated the parallels it drew from the desert in which Love bit it, but damn. People are bad at wishing for shit! Surely the wish could've been "I wish I and my daughter were alive and well, having the life I always wanted" or some shit instead of "I wish my daughter wasn't dead anymore." Like, what are the limitations of this wish? Might as well give it a go, no? Because Gorr didn't /just/ want his daughter to be alive, he wanted to be alive /with her/.

And Thor as a single dad. No. Nah. My face was screwed into some ridiculous grimace the whole time that shit played out. Thor has indeed become more responsible (only to then become irresponsible and then responsible again and then irresponsible and then responsible again and then...) but I wouldn't say it was ever in such a fatherly way. I also don't care to see family/parenthood in anything (my own personal hang ups, I understand), especially not in a superhero movie. And I don't think it particularly jives with the greater MCU so they'll probably have to unwrite it somehow.

Yeah, this movie was not only a personal nightmare, but it was also just a huge brainfuck in general. I wish that I could've been the one to reach Eternity first so I could make it so that it never existed or conversely, didn't suck major fucking nuts. The end.

#tlat spoilers #thor spoilers #thor love and thunder spoilers #thor 4 spoilers #aight did we get all the reasonable spoiler tags in? here’s hoping…#tlat negativity #marvel negativity #thor negativity #thor love and thunder negativity #marvel wank #thor 4 negativity #aight did we get all the wank tags in? here’s hoping…#if you didn’t want to see this sort of content but saw it nevertheless #know that i tried and am not trying to stir the pot xoxo #long post #mine #is this maybe #tasty meta #idk whatever who cares

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number5theboy · 2 years

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Same anon here!! Hi. Firstly, thank you so much for your great response, and I'm more than happy to offer up thoughts. I originally wrote a massive thing but largely I think those thoughts can be summed up by saying I think Klaus and Viktor were poorly handled characters in season 2.

For Klaus, there was compelling story there, but it felt disconnected from the Klaus we saw at the end of season 1 and because Klaus' story is the least prominent of any sibling in season 2, there doesn't feel like there's much depth or complexity going into the writing of Klaus. If they wanted him to be the sibling to take a backseat, it would've been better to have his story directly connect to being a soldier. Anti war protester overwhelmed by the amount of ghosts that like what he has to say, rather than just being treated as comic relief.

And Viktor's amnesia felt like it only impacted Luther's development. It leaves Viktor's arc uninteresting because he's not really getting to grow after season 1, it flattens his complexity out. Could've been good if more of the siblings interacted with each other/had been together the whole time and got to react to a Viktor who doesn't remember anything, but they didn't do much with it. Doesn't help he's still such a large character and has such a big chunk of screen time but never knows what's going on.

Hopefully this wasn't too long, but I think those two are the ones who stand out to me as the most confusingly written in s2, probably because their s1 arcs had them both change and grow so much, but tua wanted to keep some kind of status quo.

Hi, welcome back, Anon, we are completely on the same page here. I literally typed out that I thought that Klaus and Viktor got the shaft in my original answer, but then I thought I'd hear your thoughts first and then add mine, and turns out, not much to add, I am 100% with you.

With Klaus, I am split, because I like the storyline with Dave, I think that builds well on S1 and his assertion that Dave was the only person he ever truly loved, more than himself, more than his own chance of meeting and falling in love with him. On the other hand, the cult storyline feels like it was in there because someone was like 'hey wouldn't it be groovy if Klaus had a cult?' in the first draft meeting, and that's the extent of thinking that went into that. It's such a pointless, unfunny storyline with no lasting impact on anything and no thought into the real-life implications of cults and the weight of that word. It's just. They could've done anything else there and it almost certainly would've been better. I love the idea of him being involved in anti-war-protests and how the ghosts would play into that, it's a good one.

And I basically hate the decision to give Viktor amnesia, it's such a boring cop-out to absolve him of any and all responsibility of the things he did in S1 (which then beautifully comes back to bite the writers in the butt in S3). They wanted to fasttrack Viktor being integrated into the family without having to actually deal with the baggage of what that would entail. It somehow writes out the siblings out of a storyline that the ending of S1 literally could not have been more clear about them being involved in. Sidenote: the way S2 butchers and misinterprets Five's comment about Viktor always being the bomb genuinely pisses me off to this day, the way it's used in S2 is so stupid and so much less nuanced than what it meant in the S1 finale, it frustrates me so. They really had a character coming down from a lifetime of being drugged against their will and immediately settled him with amnesia so that any interactions with his siblings prior to like. Episode 9 has no real meaning. I would love to see a version of S2 where a) Viktor has his memories and b) since Luther was holding him, they were never split up. That would have been, in my opinion, the most compelling way to start them off.

No worries about length, Anon, I completely agree with your assessment that the show did not really wanted to move on from a certain status quo for these characters.

#Replies #Anonymous #Negativity

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stressedsnake · 3 years

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Ok so i finished vld like a few hours ago and i already published a post saying what i disliked about the finale/season 8, so here's the way i would have done it:

1. Instead of the forced Allurance plot line(as i hv said before many many times, they come off as awkward friends than an actual couple) I would have let Allura develop a closer relationship with the rest of the paladins and would have lance grow closer with other people and prove how important he is. (The show's writers completely fucked his arc up,I'll make a post on that later). Honestly the show went downhill the moment they switched lions. .Don't believe me? The switch completely screwed up Shiro,Lance,and Keith's characters. I'll have to make several posts about this.

2.Instead of killing lotor, i would have kept him in the team. Tbh the betrayal didn't make any sense. Plus he seemed to be genuinely in love with allura and vice versa. This would have kept us from getting the awkward allurance plot which was too rushed and too sudden and instead an actual story about love and an abuse victim healing. They managed that very poorly.

3. LANCE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. They could have made a beautiful story of realizing your self worth and being comfortable with who you are, BUT NO THEY REDUCED HIM TO A COMIC RELIEF FARMER WHICH HONESTLY IS SO RACIST. Instead of making him step out of Keith's shadow they made him the paladin of the red lion. Which .is .stupid .as. fuck.

4.They should have made Keith and lance actually talk, like keith helps him realize that he isn't worthless ,that he's important and deserves the world. Or even Shiro and Lance would have worked, because Lance looked up to Shiro and craved his approval.

5. They should have worked more on all the relationships tbh, they managed to ruin the garrison trio completely and developed a beautiful familial friendship into a we work together situation.

6. ALLURA DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE. Ik plot this plot that, whatthefuckever, she didn't have to die at all. I feel like by the time we reached the end of the season, the writers were just throwing darts on ideas with their eyes closed

7. Honerva, should have had a better redemption arc, instead of making her a complete madwoman, they should have at least went back and tried to flesh out her character. They literally reduced her to a plot device.

8. Shiro should have remained the paladin of the black lion and the Holt family should have taken over Atlas,they could have developed an amazing storyline with shiro learning to trust other people and healing from his ptsd.

9.YOU KNOW WHO HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT WITH? ADAM. They didn't even confirm on the show that they were fiances and i will forever be bitter about that. THEY HAD NO FUCKING REASON TO KILL HIM.

10. In short they needed to work on the relationships more and take a look at who they were killing.

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longitudinalwaveme · 3 years

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The Man in the Mirror

Sam Scudder, the costumed crook known as the Mirror Master, accidentally swaps places with Dr. Samuel Scudder, the heroic Mirror Master of a mirror dimension and a man who is everything he isn't: a beloved hero, a skilled optometrist, and a devoted husband and father.

Sam never went to medical school, and knows he isn't exactly a good role model for kids. Dr. Scudder, for his part, isn't particularly thrilled to be stuck behind bars for the crimes of his counterpart. Can the two men find a way to reverse the switch, or will each be doomed to live out the other man's life?

Dr. Samuel Scudder, an optometrist who had achieved much greater fame as the Mirror Master, had visited a number of alternate realities over the years. Not only was traveling to alternate realities part and parcel of being a superhero who helped to save the world, but he also had stumbled onto dozens of them as the result of his constant experimentation with the Mirror Realm. However, this particular trip had gone disastrously wrong. While he was no stranger to accidentally transporting himself to alternate dimensions, he had always been able to transport himself back to his own reality with little difficulty. This time, it was as though the Mirror Realm had closed part of itself off. While he was still able to use it to traverse across this dimension, when he had tried to transport himself back home, a wave of energy had ejected him from the Realm. For all intents and purposes, he was stuck in this dimension.

Dr. Scudder would have been dismayed to be stuck in any dimension other than his own, of course, but in most of them, he would likely have had access to resources that he could use to get himself back home via another route. This reality was far more problematic, because, as he had abruptly discovered when he had been arrested for escaping prison only a few minutes after his arrival, his counterpart in this reality was a criminal. Since he and the criminal Samuel Scudder of this dimension were physically identical, the authorities had naturally concluded that he was his counterpart and had sent him to prison in his counterpart’s place. Now that he had been mistaken for his counterpart, Dr. Scudder’s options for getting home were very limited. He couldn’t exactly go looking for help while locked up in prison, and the fact that everyone would assume that he was the Samuel Scudder of this dimension meant that few people were likely to believe a word he said, especially about something as unlikely as him being from another reality. If this had been the work of his counterpart, Dr. Scudder had to admit that the man was brilliant. Who better to get locked up in your place than someone who was for all intents and purposes your identical twin?

“Dinner, Scudder.” The voice of one of the prison’s guards broke Dr. Scudder out of his reverie. The man shoved a tray into the cell.

“Thank you, sir,” Dr. Scudder replied quietly. His counterpart probably wasn’t nearly so polite to the guards, but he saw no reason to be rude. The guard looked a bit surprised, but didn’t say anything as he walked away. Once he was gone, Dr. Scudder started eating the food and quickly discovered that yes, prison food was as bad as reported. In spite of the taste, however, he ate all of it; growing up on Skid Row, never knowing where his next meal might be coming from, meant that he never wasted food, no matter how poorly it tasted.

Once he had finished his meal, he started to look around the cell to see if he could learn anything about the habits and personality of his counterpart (other than his obvious criminal tendencies). The absence of mirrors basically confirmed his suspicion that his counterpart used the same mirror technology that he did; it was likely intended to prevent any escape attempts...and was woefully inadequate for that purpose. It wasn’t just mirrors that allowed access to the Mirror Realm; any reflective surface would do. Short of locking him in a cell with no light, which seemed morally questionable at best, the only way to prevent this universe’s Samuel Scudder-or Dr. Scudder himself, for that matter-from escaping would be to spend more money than the prison’s budget likely had on technology advanced enough to counteract the effects of the mirror tech. Both he and his counterpart effectively had the power of instant teleportation; containing them was almost impossible. Dr. Scudder had never been more glad that his mother had caught on to the addiction problem he’d developed in high school after...after...no, not thinking about it-than he was right now. The amount of damage he could have done if he’d fallen into crime like this Samuel Scudder apparently had was immense.

Further perusal of the cell uncovered a scientific tome about the nature of light that had evidently been borrowed from the prison’s library, an old JSA comic book from the same source (Dr. Scudder couldn’t help but smile at that; he’d always loved those old comics and had a pretty substantial collection of them), a picture of his counterpart with a man who strongly resembled George “Digger” Wiggins, the head of Wiggins’ Toy Company, and a mostly-complete pack of cigarettes. At the last, Dr. Scudder groaned. It had taken him several years to kick his addiction to smoking; he definitely didn’t need the temptation to fall off the wagon now. He quickly shoved the cigarettes back under the cot and, fairly certain that he’d found everything of interest in the cell, started leafing through the comic book. He was delighted to find that it was a story that he actually hadn’t read before, and was soon lost to the world, swept up in the adventures of his boyhood heroes.

****************************************************************

Sam Scudder had broken out of prison a number of times; it was, after all, practically a prerequisite for any self-respecting supervillain. However, while his grand escapes had often gotten his name in the papers, he had to admit that being greeted by a cheering crowd shortly after breaking prison was new.

“Mirror Master! Mirror Master!” Bewildered, but never one to turn down attention and applause, Sam waved to the crowd. The cheers and applause got louder, and a couple of children ran up to him.

“Mr. Mirror Master, sir, could we have you autograph?” one of them asked.

“Uh...of course, kiddo,” Sam replied. He was still a bit perplexed by the situation, but it was starting to seem oddly familiar. He signed both kids’ papers, and they beamed.

“Wow! This is the biggest thrill of my life!” the other kid exclaimed as they excitedly ran back to a woman Sam assumed was their mother. And then it clicked. He’d been in a situation very like this one before, shortly after his initial discovery of the Mirror Realm. He had discovered a mirror reality of sorts where the Flash was a crook and his own counterpart, this universe’s Mirror Master, was a do-gooder, and had been mistaken for his counterpart by a couple of kids when he had gone to that reality in order to further a plan to defeat the Flash. Clearly, he had ended up in that reality again...but this time, he had no idea as to how it had happened. He had entered the Mirror Realm in order to transport himself closer to one of his hideouts….and when he had emerged, he had been surrounded pretty much immediately by this crowd.

Whatever the reason he had ended up here, though, he’d need to be going. As much as he loved the limelight, he had far too much to do in his own reality to stick around in this one. After signing a dozen more autographs and agreeing to have his picture taken a few times, he bade the crowd good-bye, entered the Mirror Realm, and headed back to the path he usually took to return to his own reality...only to suddenly be violently ejected from the Mirror Realm. Luckily, he wasn’t deposited back in front of the crowd, but it was still worrisome (and a bit painful). It seemed that, for whatever reason, the Mirror Realm was blocking his path back home….which meant that he was stuck in this reality. Sam groaned. The last thing he needed was to be stuck in a reality where everyone would think he was some pillar of the community or something.

The only bright spot to this mess (other than the fact that he wouldn’t have to dodge police or the Flash) was the fact that the Mirror Realm had at least deposited him next to a building that looked like the hideout he had been trying to reach in his own dimension, albeit much less dilapidated. He pulled the key to the building out of the gun holster where he stored it, discovered, to his relief, that it still unlocked the door, stepped inside the building, and pulled off his cowl. The building’s interior was much homier and more put-together than the interior of his hideout, but it was still pretty clearly the same structure. Before he could make any further observations, however, he was distracted by the sound of approaching footsteps.

“So, my heroic husband’s finally home. It’s good to see you again, dear. How was work?” For his part, Sam barely managed to keep his jaw from dropping open. The woman standing in front of him was a perfect replica of his high school sweetheart, Jenny Conners...but if she was calling him husband , that meant that his heroic counterpart had gotten married to his Jenny!

“Uh, hi, Jenny! Work was...work was good,” he said awkwardly. Jenny (or rather, Jenny’s counterpart) laughed.

“In other words, Officer Snart and Dr. Dillon got into another spat about whether or not Dr. Dillon is a suitable candidate for Ms. Mayor Snart’s hand in marriage,” she said. In spite of himself, Sam smiled. Insane alternate dimension where the Golden Glider was the mayor or no, it seemed that some things remained consistent no matter where you were in the multiverse.

“Sadly, that seems to be the argument that will never die,” Sam replied. Suddenly, he heard several more footsteps, and then three little girls rushed into the room.

“Dad, guess what? My team won the basketball game in gym class!”

“Do you like the way Mom fixed my hair, Dad? I can’t decide if I like it or not.”

“Hi, Daddy!”

Sam was thunderstruck. His do-gooder counterpart being married to his high school sweetheart had been unexpected, but really not too surprising in the grand scheme of things. The fact that he was a father, however….that he would never have predicted.

“I didn’t quite catch that, guys. Could you repeat what you told me a little more slowly?” he asked, wondering just how much of a tell his discomfort in this situation was.

“My team won our basketball game in gym class!” The girl who said this was wearing jeans, a t-shirt that read “Centerfield Elementary Basketball”, and gym shoes, and had her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail.

“Good job,” Sam replied, unsure of what else to say.

“I was wanting to know what you think of how Mom fixed my hair,” the second girl said. She was so like the first girl that she almost had to be her twin, but she was wearing a purple button-down and a khaki skirt, and her hair was pulled into two braids, each adorned with a purple ribbon. She was adorable.

“You look great, sweetheart,” Sam said. His own father had died when he was a baby, so he had no idea if he sounded appropriately fatherly or not. That being said, the girl beamed, so he had at least succeeded in making her happy.

“I was just saying hi, Daddy. I love you soooo much,” the third little girl said. She was clearly younger than the other two and was wearing a pink dress with “Daddy’s Little Princess” emblazoned on it, and before he could even respond, she had hugged him around the legs.

“I love you, too,” Sam said weakly, feeling increasingly lousy. Posing as his counterpart was one thing when he was plotting against the Flash or receiving the plaudits of a crowd, but quite another when he was with the counterpart of his high school sweetheart (who thought that he was her husband) and her children. He needed to get out of this situation, ASAP. Luckily for him, Jenny’s counterpart (maybe he’d just call her Jennifer for the sake of simplicity) provided him with the means to escape.

“Girls, your father has had a long day. I think he needs to rest a bit. You can tell him all about your days at dinner, but for now, why don’t you let him go to our room so that he can recover from work?” she asked. The three girls nodded.

“Thanks, Jenny,” Sam said. With that, he took off for his bedroom (or at least, where his bedroom was in his hideout) and was pleased to see that it was his counterpart’s bedroom as well. Not having to completely relearn the layout of the house was a relief. While it was much more homey and had a queen-sized double bed instead of a single one, it was still recognizably his bedroom. His counterpart even had a similar collection of JSA comics! Thrilled, he pulled one of his favorites off of the shelf and started reading it. Soon enough, his situation was temporarily forgotten as he was swept into the world of his boyhood heroes.

****************************************************

Dr. Scudder had been puzzling over why his cell, which had clearly been designed with two inhabitants in mind, had so far only held one person for a few days when two of the guards walked up to it, escorting an inmate Dr. Scudder hadn’t seen so far between them. The inmate in question was swearing quite colorfully and looked familiar, though he couldn’t quite work out why.

“Harkness, if you don’t shut it right now, we’re putting you in solitary,” one of the guards barked. At this, the inmate stopped swearing and apparently decided to settle for giving the guards a death glare instead.

“Here’s your cellmate, Scudder. Stay back from the door if you know what’s good for you,” the other guard said.

“Yes, sir,” Dr. Scudder replied, prompting an odd look from the inmate. The doctor sat down on the cot that he now sincerely hoped hadn’t been intended for the new arrival, and then the guards opened the cell door, uncuffed the inmate, and pushed him inside the cell. A minute later, the doors were locked again, the guards were gone, and Dr. Scudder found himself with a cellmate.

“Since when are you so bloody polite with the guards, Scudder?” the man demanded in a thick Australian accent. At this point, Dr. Scudder realized that the vague sense of familiarity was probably due to the fact that this was undoubtedly George Wiggins’ counterpart and the man he had seen in the photograph with his own counterpart. In other words, he was familiar with how the Samuel Scudder of this dimension ought to behave.

“I can blow this joint whenever I feel like it. Why cause extra trouble for myself before I do?” Growing up on Skid Row had given Dr. Scudder a general feel for how people talked when they were trying to be tough, but he wasn’t sure if that made him a convincing arch-thief or not. His cellmate shrugged.

“Suit yourself, mate. Where’d you put the cigarettes? I could really use a smoko.” Dr. Scudder gestured under the cot he was sitting on, figuring that this man probably wouldn’t be terribly responsive to a lecture about the dangers of smoking, and soon afterwards, his cellmate was lighting up a cigarette.

“Strewth! I needed that. Here, you have one, mate. You look like you need it, too.” He threw the pack of cigarettes across the cell towards Dr. Scudder, who caught it on instinct, then frowned. His cellmate might well become suspicious if he didn’t light up a cigarette of his own, as his counterpart had clearly never bothered to break his addiction to smoking, but Dr. Scudder had promised his mother and Jenny that he would kick the habit, and he intended to keep that promise. How was he supposed to do that and keep his cellmate from figuring out that he wasn’t who he thought he was?

“Not now,” he finally said. He knew himself. If he started smoking in this dimension, even to prevent his potentially-violent cellmate from getting suspicious about him, there was a good chance that he wouldn’t be able to stop. He was, after all, still technically a nicotine addict.

“I’ll be stuffed! You don’t want a durry?” his cellmate asked.

“I said not now!” Dr. Scudder exclaimed.

“You don’t need to get up me, mate. You don’t have to if you don’t wanna. Just not sure when you became such a conch is all,” his cellmate replied. Although Dr. Scudder had worked with George Wiggins on occasion, who had just as much of an accent as his apparent counterpart, their paths didn’t really cross often enough for him to have a full grasp on Australian slang. As a result, he wasn’t entirely sure what his cellmate had just said.

“Whatever,” he said, hoping that this rather brusque retort would get his cellmate to drop the subject. He was very relieved when it actually seemed to work.

“So I’ve been thinking. The exploding and electric boomerangs are bonzer and all, but wouldn’t it be really something if we made a boomerang that coil let me teleport like your mirror gizmos do? The bloody Flash’s gotten too good at counteracting my flying ones,” his cellmate said. After a brief period of confusion, Dr. Scudder remembered that George Wiggins had a heroic alter ego named, of all things, “Captain Boomerang”. It seemed that his counterpart in this reality used the same gimmick (and, if Dr. Scudder’s counterpart was anything to go by, likely the same name as well) and was looking to upgrade his arsenal. Since the man was obviously also a crook, Dr. Scudder didn’t want to help him in this endeavor, but he needed a way to refuse without making it too obvious that he wasn’t actually the Samuel Scudder of this reality.

“Hey, hey, hey. Teleportation is my gimmick,” he replied. In his experience, supervillains tended to be incredibly protective of whatever gimmick they used when commiting crimes, so it seemed logical to assume that his criminal counterpart would be equally protective of his gimmick.

“It’d specifically be a teleporting boomerang, mate. I’m not gonna take over your mirror thing or nothin’. That’s too weird for me, anyway,” his cellmate said. As much as Dr. Scudder wanted to protest the hypocrisy of someone who solely used weaponized boomerangs to commit-or prevent, in the case of his universe’s Captain Boomerang-crimes describing his gimmick as weird, he had to admit that there were a number of things about his tech and the Mirror Realm that he didn’t fully understand. Even when compared to weaponizing boomerangs, his tech was pretty weird. Instead, he decided to use the weirdness of his powers to his advantage.

“If you wanted to get the effect you’re looking for, you’d have to use my weird tech. It’s the only form of teleportation any of us have access to...and even I don’t really understand it fully. In the hands of an amateur, it could be totally useless, or really hazardous to their health.” His cellmate frowned thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that’d be right. Guess I’ll leave the freaky teleporting stuff to you, mate,” he said resignedly.

“The Mirror Realm isnae so ‘weird’ once ye learn its rules, ye ken. Scudder’s always been tae cautious tae really explore the place, but once you do...why, ye’ll never want tae leave Wonderland,” a third voice, thick with a Scottish burr, said suddenly. Then, without warning, a third man walked out of the cell’s sink and into the cell itself. Like Dr. Scudder and his cellmate, he was dressed in prison greys, and, given what he had just done, Dr. Scudder might have thought that he was the Samuel Scudder of this dimension if not for the fact that, beyond a basic similarity in their builds, the new arrival looked nothing like him. He was a bit stockier than Dr. Scudder was and had wild auburn hair, a black eye, and a noticeable tooth gap that was visible thanks to his mildly unsettling open-mouthed grin. Even more unsettling was the fact that his cellmate didn’t seem particularly thrilled to see the new arrival.

“Not this loon again. I don’t care what Cold says, this limey’s not the full quid.”

“I’m nae more a limey than ye, ye minger. I’m a Glaswegian, nae a Londoner,” the other man replied.

“Who are you callin’ a minger, you yobbo?” At this, the conversation rapidly devolved into an incredibly bewildering series of what Dr. Scudder presumed were Australian and Scottish insults and lots of loud swearing. Inevitably, the noise attracted the guards, who stormed over to the cell.

“Quiet in there! Do we need to...oh, no. Not again!” one of them said.

“How does McCulloch keep doing this? He never has any tech on him when he’s brought in, and he’s not an inventor like Scudder. How can he keep escaping his cell and going into other inmates’ with no tech?” another asked.

“Maybe he’s a meta?”

“Don’t be ridiculous! If he was a meta, his powers would be detected by our scanners. Dillon’s always are.”

“But how else could a cokehead like him pull stunts like this off?”

“Maybe he has help?”

“In case you two have forgotten, we’re supposed to be capturing him and taking him to solitary for being out of his cell unsupervised,” the first guard said gruffly. The last comment finally seemed to draw the Scotsman’s attention away from his argument.

“Oops! Looks like I’d better be going. Ta!” With that, the newcomer vanished back into the Mirror Realm...and Dr. Scudder realized suddenly that, as far as he knew, there was no “McCulloch” who was running around with his powers in his dimension. So where had this McCulloch come from?

************************************************************************

The longer Sam stayed in this mirror dimension, the less he liked it. He was an illusionist by trade; seeming to be what he wasn’t was practically his calling card. However, even he could only keep up an act for so long, and pretending to be his do-gooder counterpart had already been exhausting him. And then he had learned that the Sam Scudder of this dimension was an optometrist! “Fake it ‘til you make it” had been effective in a number of situations in the past, but he somehow doubted working as an eye doctor when you’d never even graduated high school would be one of them. Fortunately, his counterpart had evidently just started a week-long vacation from work when he had arrived in this dimension, so he hadn’t actually had to work as an optometrist yet, but what was he going to do if the week of vacation ended and he was still stuck here?

“Honey, are you alright? I know you’ve been really busy lately-it’s why you took this vacation, after all-but you seem like you’ve been avoiding me and our daughters lately, and I’m getting worried,” Jennifer asked as she adjusted his tie (or rather, his counterpart’s tie that he was wearing). She had informed him earlier that day that “they” (she and this world’s Sam) had planned to have a dinner party at their house today, and he had spent most of the day helping her and his counterpart’s cute kids make the place presentable for their guests (“I know she’s your friend, but she’s still the Mayor. I don’t want the house looking like a tornado went through it!”) Sam frowned.

“I guess I must have been more stressed than I realized,” he said lamely. What else could he say? “I’m uncomfortable around you because I’m not really your husband; I’m his criminal counterpart from another dimension”? Even if she believed him, the only thing saying that would accomplish would be to get him locked up in this dimension. As creepy as it felt to lie to someone who looked so much like his old flame, looking out for number one was still more important. Jennifer sighed.

“I shouldn’t be surprised. You work full-time as an optometrist and as a superhero; and then you’re also a dedicated father who helps around the house when you get home. That’s a lot for anyone to have on their plate...and that’s not even counting what happened to your mother two years ago. Therapy or no therapy, I don’t...I don’t think any of us are really over that.” Sam looked at her in alarm. What had happened to his mother? Er, his counterpart’s mother? Before he could think of a way to ask about it in a way that wouldn’t make it clear that he had no idea what had happened, Jennifer continued her thought and answered the question for him.

“I mean, we knew that the superhero life had risks before you got into it, but I never thought...I never thought that the Flash would go after a sweet old woman like her just to get to you. She...she didn’t even have a chance to run before...before-it was just like my father all over again,” Jennifer said. Once, Sam had miscalculated where to exit from the Mirror Realm, falling almost ten feet and landing flat on his back. It had knocked the wind out of him completely and it had taken him several minutes to get his breath back. Learning that his mother-no, his counterpart’s mother-had been murdered by the criminal Flash of this dimension had a similar effect. He’d already lost Jenny’s father all those years ago when….no, not thinking about it; the idea of losing his mother like this Sam Scudder had was horrifying, no matter how estranged he was from her. Amidst the horror, Sam felt a sudden appreciation for the Flash of his dimension. Having a clean-cut busybody Flash was annoying, but a monstrous Flash who murdered innocent old ladies would be way worse.

“I...I just can’t believe she’s gone,” Sam said. And, for perhaps the first time since he’d arrived in this dimension, he was telling the complete truth.

“I know. Neither can I. Do you want to cancel our dinner party? I can if you need me to,” Jennifer asked. Sam shook his head. He needed something to take his mind off what he had just learned, ASAP. All canceling the party would do was give him more time to mull over what had happened to his counterpart’s mother and...I’m not thinking about it! He had spent years not thinking about things like that, and he didn’t intend to start now.

“No. We’ve already cleaned the house and everything, and the kids’ll be disappointed if they don’t get to see the guests,” Sam replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

All right. In that case, we’d better get downstairs. Officer Snart’s always early to things like this,” Jennifer replied. With that, he and his counterpart’s wife joined the cute kids downstairs, and, sure enough, the doorbell rang less than ten minutes later. Sam opened the door and was promptly greeted by the bizarre sight of a man who looked just like Len Snart, but wearing a police uniform.

“Hey, Doc. Thanks for invitin’ me. How’ve you and the missus been?” he asked.

“Uh, fine. Thanks. How about you?” Sam replied awkwardly.

“Busy. Trainin’ rookie cops who think they know everything just ‘cause they went to some upscale police academy’s a pain, but what’re ya gonna do?” If there were two phrases that did not belong together in the same sentence, they were “police officer” and “Len Snart”...but then again, his counterpart was an optometrist. Len being a cop was pretty tame by comparison.

“You love them all already, don’t you?” Jennifer asked.

“Eh, they’re decent kids. Better than the batch I had last year...especially that creep I kicked off the force and arrested for beatin’ up his wife an’ kids. He picked the wrong Lieutenant to pull that crap with,” Len’s counterpart replied.

“And how are Lucy and Jackson and your foster kids?”

“They’re doin’ well, for the most part. My latest boy thinks he’s tough and he’s been givin’ me a bit of a rough time. Kid’s fifteen years old and thinks the world is out to get him, not that I can blame him after what he’s been through. Reminds me a lot of me at that age. I just hope I can do for him what Officer Frye did for me an’ my sister,'' Len's counterpart explained. Sam felt really disoriented. It was very strange to have a man who looked and sounded and acted so much like Len Snart, but was also clearly not him.

“It wouldn’t be the first kid you’ve helped through a rough patch...and if you think he could benefit from therapy, my door is always open,” Jennifer said.

“I appreciate it, Mrs. Scudder.” With that, Len’s counterpart was swarmed by Sam’s counterpart’s adorable children, who were clearly quite fond of the man. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again. This time, there were two people on the other side: a man who was a dead ringer for Roscoe Dillon, and a woman in a very well-made pantsuit who looked exactly like Lisa Snart. Oh, right. The Golden Glider was the mayor in this reality.

“Hi, Sam! Hi, Jennifer! How are you? I’m so glad we were able to make it,” Mayor Snart exclaimed.

“We’re glad to have you here, Ms. Mayor. And Dr. Dillon, it’s good to see you,” Jennifer said. Sam waved awkwardly.

“Likewise, Mrs. Scudder,” Dillon’s counterpart replied. Much like Dillon, he didn’t make eye contact, but he did smile, something that Dillon rarely did.

“Hey, sis. How are you? Nobody’s been hasslin’ you in the office, right?” Len’s counterpart asked.

“I’m a politician, Lenny. Being hassled is part of the job. But trust me, I can handle it,” Ms. Mayor replied.

“You sure? ‘Cause I don’t want nobody hurtin’ my baby sister.”

“Yes, Lenny. I’m sure. I’m a big girl now. Isn’t that right, Dr. Scudder?” This, thankfully, was a question that Sam could answer pretty easily.

“Your sister’s a remarkable woman, Len. She can handle herself,” he said. This Len probably wouldn’t listen any more than his Len did, but it was true in both realities.

“Dr. Dillon, could I look at your tops, please?” This question came from Sam’s counterpart’s youngest daughter, whose name, as he had learned, was Samantha. Dr. Dillon’s face lit up.

“Of course, darling. Which one would you like to see first?” Soon, he and Samantha were lost in a world of their own, both apparently completely entranced by Dr. Dillon’s tops. Ms. Mayor smiled.

“I can’t wait until we have children of our own. No matter what he says, he’s actually really good with kids,” she said. While it wouldn’t have been true about his Dillon, Sam was inclined to believe her about this one. Several minutes later, with Dr. Dillon and Samantha still playing with tops, Ms. Mayor and Jennifer in a conversation about school funding, and his counterpart’s twins, Kathy and Kinsley, eagerly recounting their adventures at school to Len’s counterpart, the doorbell rang again. Sam answered it again, and this time found two men and a little boy on the other side. One was clearly Mick’s doppelganger, wearing a fireman’s uniform, and the other looked a lot like Mark Mardon, only a bit more well put together than the Mark of his reality and with a toddler on his hip. All right, he already knew Mick was a firefighter in this reality, so what weird thing did Mark do? And who was the kid?

“Hi, everybody! I brought my homemade chili!” Mick’s doppelganger exclaimed. Sam made a mental note to politely avoid it. He’d tried the chili of his Mick once, and his mouth had felt like it was on fire for a week.

“Hey, Mick! How ya doin’?” Len’s counterpart asked.

“Great! Oh, and Dr. Scudder, Mrs. Scudder...thanks for having us over!” Mick’s doppelganger replied.

“You’re welcome. Good to see you,” Sam replied weakly. He was glad that the guests were doing most of the talking. He was ordinarily a good liar, but three straight days of pretending to be someone else had worn him down, and he didn’t think he could’ve convincingly posed as his counterpart if the counterparts of the other Rogues hadn’t been doing most of the talking for him.

“My wife says she’s sorry she couldn’t make it, but she has work tonight, and well-you know how it goes. It’s just me and our little guy tonight,” Mark-but-not-Mark said.

“Oh, yeah. Julie mentioned at work that she’d be staying late tonight, now that I think about it. Guess I just didn’t think about it in relation to the party,” Len’s counterpart replied. So, Mark’s counterpart was married to a cop and they had a kid? Weird, but still not weirder than Lisa being the mayor.

“Want down!” the toddler exclaimed. Mark-but-not-Mark obligingly set the kid down on the floor, and the twins immediately ran over to him, apparently thrilled by his arrival.

“Aww, he’s so cute, Mr. Mardon!” Kathy exclaimed.

“I can’t believe he’s so big now! I remember when he was just a tiny baby, and now he looks big enough to play ball with,” Kinsley added. Mark-but-not-Mark smiled.

“He’s gonna be a regular heartbreaker when he grows up...just like me,” he said.

“Yeah, you’re a real heartbreaker all right, Mardon. You break the hearts of anyone who looks at your ugly mug,” Len’s counterpart joked. Mark-but-not-Mark laughed.

“You’re just jealous because I got voted the most handsome weather forecaster in the Midwest,” he said. Sam had to hold back a laugh of his own. He should’ve figured that Mardon’s counterpart would be a weatherman.

“So, what are we having for dinner?” Mick’s doppelganger asked.

“Italian food. I ordered it in from that Italian restaurant that’s owned by the aunt of-”

“Hiya, everybody!”

“Giovanni Giuseppi, the famous inventor,” Jennifer said. Sure enough, a small man who looked just like the Trickster, up to and including the garish fashion sense, was floating next to the partially-opened window. Sam walked over to the large window and obligingly opened it the rest of the way, and then the Trickster’s counterpart walked inside before descending and settling on the floor.

“Uncle Giovanni! Uncle Giovanni!” the twins exclaimed.

“Gio!” Mark-but-not-Mark’s toddler said.

“Hi, kids! Who wants a balloon animal?” All four children raised their hands, with Samantha even looking up from Dr. Dillon’s tops. Giovanni promptly set to work making balloon animals for the kids, chattering up a storm all the while about his newest advances in aerodynamic technology and the marketing success that the Airwalker shoes had proven to be. In fact, he was still chattering away when the doorbell rang again. Sam ran over to answer it, and was greeted by the strangest thing he’d seen all evening: Digger Harkness, with his hair combed, wearing a tuxedo.

“G’day, everybody!”

“Well, if it isn’t the toy tycoon turned superhero. How’re you doin’, Mr. Wiggins?” Len’s counterpart asked. Sam frowned. Mr. Wiggins?

“Fair dinkum, mate. Thanks for inviting me to your party, Dr. Scudder. It’s been a wild couple ‘a’ months, it has, inheriting my pop’s company and moving to a new country and all. It’s nice to know I’ve met some bonzer people since coming here,” Digger’s counterpart replied.

“I know I’ve been wanting to get to know you better. I love Wiggins’ Toys!” Giovanni exclaimed.

“And I am very curious to learn more about the man who inherited the company which created so many of my beloved tops,” Dr. Dillon added.

“Well, as you might’ve guessed, I’m from Oz. Grew up in the Outback surrounded by lots of nothing...well, nothing except kangaroos, deadly spiders, venomous snakes, and lots of cows. My family never had much quid, so it was a bit of a surprise when I got a letter saying that I was the sole inheritor of some rich Yankee bloke’s company and fortune. Turns out I had a father I never knew about. Never even got to meet the guy. Apparently he and my mum had had a bit of a fling a long time ago that produced me, and he felt guilty enough to make me his heir on the off chance that he passed. I...I’m a bit out of my depth runnin’ a whole company, but my mum didn’t nickname me Digger for nothin’. I’m gonna take the company to greater heights than my pop ever did...and what better way to start than being my own marketing campaign? I always had a knack for boomerangs, after all. Frankly, the fact that Captain Boomerang gets to help people is just a bonus,” Digger’s counterpart explained.

“My, Mr. Wiggins, that’s quite a story,” Jennifer said.

“Digger is fine, love. I’m not one to stand on formalities,” Digger’s counterpart replied. Sam, for his part, just shook his head. Just when he thought his life couldn’t get any crazier…..

***********************************************************************

“You got a visitor, Scudder,” Correctional Officer Paulson said.

“A...visitor, sir?” Dr. Scudder asked.

“Yeah. Your mother’s here to see you, goodness only knows why,” Paulson replied.

“My...my mother?” Dr. Scudder asked, certain that he’d heard something wrong.

“Martha Scudder is your mother, isn’t she?” Dr. Scudder was utterly bewildered. That had indeed been his mother’s name...but his mother had died two years ago!

“Are you sure it isn’t Jenny?” he asked. Maybe the guard had somehow gotten his counterpart’s wife’s name confused with the name of his counterpart’s mother.

“What are you going on about, Scudder? Who’s Jenny?” It was at this point that Dr. Scudder realized that his counterpart differed from him in more ways than just being a criminal and an active smoker. If the guard didn’t recognize the name Jenny, then it stood to reason that...that his counterpart had never married his Jenny Conners. While in some ways that was a relief (as it meant that his counterpart wasn’t getting himself sent to prison as a husband or a father), in other ways, it was a bit sad...because it meant that Kathy and Kinsley and Samantha, his beloved children, probably didn’t even exist in this reality. And if there was that big of a difference between their realities, could his counterpart’s mother still be alive?

“Uh, never mind, sir. I...I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said quickly.

“Then let’s go. She doesn’t get a lot of time with you; let’s not waste what little she has,” Paulson barked. With that, he led Dr. Scudder out of his cell and to the prison’s visitation room. Dr. Scudder was directed to one of the chairs, sat down, and then waited, feeling more than a little awkward and nervous. Even if his counterpart’s mother was still alive, her son was a criminal. That had to put strain on the relationship they had….and what if his counterpart’s mother was cruel and had played a part in how her son had turned out? About a minute later, the door on the other side of the glass opened, and a woman walked in and sat down across from him. Sure enough, she looked just like his mother had before...before….no, not thinking about it. Even though he knew, logically, that she wasn’t his mother, he had been utterly unprepared for the storm of emotions seeing the woman unleashed. He barely managed to pick up the phone on his side of the barrier before the tears started to flow.

“Mom...oh, mom...I’ve missed you so much,” he said weakly.

“I’ve missed you, too, Sam, and I’m worried about you. You’ve always been a smart man; I don’t understand why you insist on ruining your life, or why you insist on driving me away. You were such a good boy; I don’t understand what went wrong.” Dr. Scudder knew that this woman wasn’t really his mother, he did, but it didn’t matter. The emotions-and the guilt-that she stirred up were the same.

“Mom, I’m... I’m so, so sorry. It’s all my fault!” On some level, Dr. Scudder knew that his guilt over his mother’s death was irrational, but he couldn’t help but feel responsible for it. If he had never become the Mirror Master, his mother would never have become the innocent victim of the Flash. She would still be alive, and his children would still have their grandmother. And besides, surely someone with access to as much amazing technology as he had should have been able to keep her alive. He’d saved thousands of other people….what was wrong with him that he hadn’t been able to save his own mother?

“Sam, are you all right? I haven’t seen you get this emotional since you were a boy.” Dr. Scudder struggled to compose himself. The last thing he wanted was to distress his mother-his counterpart’s mother-but he was finding it really difficult to stop crying. In a way, he was getting the opportunity to talk with his mother one last time, something he had longed for since her death. It wasn’t particularly surprising, then, that he was having trouble controlling his emotions.

“Don’t...don’t worry about me, Mom. I...I just want you to know that I… I love you. I couldn’t...couldn’t ask for a better mother,” he finally managed to choke out. His counterpart’s mother smiled weakly.

“I know, son….but I wish that you’d show your love by straightening your life out rather than pushing me away. I know you think you’re protecting me, but all you’re doing is making it harder for both of us. I’m not worried about what people will think of me because of you, I’m worried about what you’re doing to other people-and yourself. If people want to judge me for being your mother, that’s fine...but you’ve played this game long enough. My son is Sam Scudder, not the Mirror Master. When will you remember who you are?” she asked. If Dr. Scudder ever met his criminal counterpart, he was going to be strongly tempted to punch the man. How could he put their mother through this? Couldn’t he see what he was doing to her?

“I...I don’t know, mom. I’m sorry,” he said. He wanted to promise her that her son would straighten his life out, but, no matter how much she resembled his mother, Dr. Scudder was not this Martha Scudder’s son, and he didn’t want to break her heart by promising change that his counterpart might not follow up on. His counterpart’s mother looked disappointed, but not particularly surprised.

“Oh, Sam…” she murmured, and Dr. Scudder almost started crying again. His poor mother…

“How...how have you been, mom?”

“I’ve been doing well. Work’s going well, and I’m not too lonely. I’ve got my church group, and I just saw Jennifer Conners two days ago. She’s doing well.”

“Has...has she met anyone?” Dr. Scudder asked. Hopefully, this Jenny wasn’t still pining for his counterpart.

“No, she hasn’t. She says that she’s happy with her job, and that she doesn’t need anyone.”

��She’s not still waiting for me, is she?” His counterpart’s mother just shook her head.

“I honestly don’t know, Sam. I’ve told her that she shouldn’t throw away any chance of a romantic life on the off chance that you come back to her, but I don’t know if she’s listening or not,” she said. Dr. Scudder frowned and decided to change the subject. Talking about Jenny reminded him of how much he missed his wife, and he was emotional enough as it was.

“Mom, do you remember the time I won the Pine Car Derby when I was a Cub Scout?” he asked, hoping that this was something both he and his counterpart had done. Luckily, his counterpart’s mother smiled fondly.

“Of course I do, Sam,” she said.

After an enjoyable twenty minutes taking a trip down memory lane, Correctional Officer Paulson stood up.

“All right, time’s up,” he said.

“Good-bye, Sam.”

“Good-bye, Mom. I love you,” Dr. Scudder replied. With that, he allowed Officer Paulson to lead him back to his cell.

“You’ve got a better mother than you deserve, Scudder.”

“I know, sir,” Dr. Scudder replied. He didn’t think anyone could deserve a mother like Martha Scudder-either his or the one of this dimension. When they arrived at the cell, George Wiggins’ counterpart was inside. Evidently, he had returned from his shift in the prison’s workshop. He had a noticeable black eye that he hadn’t had when he had left the cell in the morning.

“Scudder! Good to see ya, mate!” he exclaimed as Dr. Scudder walked into the cell. Dr. Scudder nodded in greeting as Officer Paulson locked the cell door behind him and walked away.

“What happened to your face?” Dr. Scudder asked, careful to maintain the “tough guy” impersonation he’d been putting on around George Wiggins’ counterpart.

“Some whacker bailed me up and challenged me to a fight. Bloody idiot thought he was tough and wanted to prove it by beatin’ up a real bushranger. I decided to let him have a go with me...and well, if you think I look bad, you should see the other guy! Next time he decides to pick a fight, he’ll know better than to mess with Digger Harkness,” the criminal replied proudly.

“First time in prison?” Dr. Scudder guessed.

“Reckon! What about you, mate? What’ve you been up to?”

“My mom visited.”

“Must be nice to have somebody who cares enough to visit. I haven’t had a visitor in prison since I left the Outback. How’s your mum doing?”

“She seems to be doing all right. It was nice seeing her,” Dr. Scudder replied. As emotional as the experience had been, it had also been nice to talk to a Martha Scudder one more time.

“She had good timing, too. You almost didn’t make it back in time for pickup.” Before Dr. Scudder could ask what that meant, he found himself pulled through the Mirror Realm and deposited him in a rather dilapidated building.

“Howzitgoan, Scudder?” The speaker was Evan McCulloch, the other person in this dimension with access to the Mirror Realm. It seemed that the mystery man had broken him out of prison, but for what purpose?

**************************************************************************

“So Cinderella married her prince, and the two of them lived happily ever after. The end,” Sam read. Samantha smiled.

“I love this story. Thanks for reading it to me, Daddy,” she said.

“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Samantha.” Sam replied as he carefully shelved the book.

“Good night, Daddy!” Sam switched on the nightlight and then turned off the light.

“Sweet dreams, kiddo,” he said. With that, he left the little girl’s room, quietly closed the door behind him, and groaned weakly. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was falling in love with his counterpart’s family, and the more time he spent with them, the more guilty he felt for not coming clean. As if to underscore his guilt, Jennifer immediately walked up to him and beamed.

“You’re such a great father,” she said.

“Well, they’re great kids. It’s not hard,” Sam replied.

“That they are. Maybe we should try for another. I mean, I’d love to have a little boy-or another little girl,” Jennifer said. Alarm bells went off in Sam’s head, but before he could react or try to change the subject, Jennifer kissed him. He wanted to return the kiss-she was, after all, as beautiful as his Jenny had been-but he couldn’t. Even he wasn’t low enough to kiss someone under the pretense of being their husband...especially not someone like Jenny.

“Jenny, no! We-we can’t do this!” he blurted out.

“What...what do you mean?” Jennifer asked.

“I can’t do this to you. I...I’m not who you think I am. I’m not your husband!” Jennifer backed away from him in obvious horror.

“Then who are you?” she asked.

“I’m your husband’s counterpart from an alternate reality. My name is Sam Scudder, and I am the Mirror Master, but I’m not a doctor and I’m not a hero. I’m a thief. I use my mirror tech to steal stuff, and I came to your reality after escaping from prison,” Sam replied. Jennifer stared at him in horror for a few seconds, and then slapped him across the face.

“I...I probably deserved that,” he said.

“Probably? You came into my house and pretended to be my husband for almost a week! Being a thief is bad enough when you’re just stealing things! You deserve a lot more than a slap, buster! How dare you try to steal my husband’s life! How dare you trick me into thinking that you were my children’s father! And where is my husband?” Jennifer exclaimed.

“I...I’m not sure,” Sam replied weakly.

“What do you mean, you’re not sure?”

“I came to your dimension by accident, and the Mirror Realm isn’t letting me get back to my own. I didn’t intentionally do anything to your husband. Trust me, I know I’m not a hero. I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life pretending to be one...but I don’t know where your husband is or how to get back to my home dimension,” Sam babbled.

“And so that makes it okay for you to pretend to be my husband?”

“No, it doesn’t….but I...I...well, honestly, I think your husband is what part of me wishes I was. Being a father and a husband and a hero...it’s not what I am. It takes a better man to do that than I am….and I wanted to convince myself that I could be that for a little while. Well, that, and I didn’t want to get stuck behind bars in this dimension and possibly never get home,” Sam explained.

“What did you do to my husband?”

“I don’t know! I told you, I don’t know! He could be stuck in my dimension, but if he is, I can’t get him back! I’m trapped here; the Mirror Realm won’t let me leave this dimension.”

“And you’re a criminal, so for all I know he could be in prison right now! Are you proud of yourself? You might have sent an innocent man to prison!”

“I...I’m sorry, Jenny.”

“Get out of my house!” Jennifer exclaimed. Sam complied, using the Mirror Realm to leave the house and travel to another one of his hideouts, one that was much more familiar to Sam than the one he had left. This building was effectively a laboratory, one that was full of mirror technology. Sam smiled weakly. The secret was out; it was time to stop pretending that he was anything like his heroic counterpart. Now he could focus on finding a way of fixing the Mirror Realm and returning to his home dimension. He could go back to being a famous criminal, Dr. Scudder could be reunited with his wonderful family, and all would be right with the world again. So why did the idea make him feel so upset? He certainly wasn’t the sentimental type.

Sam spent the next few hours tinkering with the mirror technology in his counterpart’s laboratory, trying to figure out what had gone wrong with the Mirror Realm. He was preparing to take a snack break when a red blur appeared in the lab and solidified into what seemed to be the Flash. Before Sam could ponder which Flash this was, the speedster pulled off his cowl, revealing a shock of red hair.

“Look, Mirror Master, I hate you as much as any crook, but Barry’s gone too far this time. I can’t let him do something like this,” he said, confirming his identity as the mirror version of Wally West.

“What’s he planning to do?” Sam asked.

“He said….he said...he’s going after your kids, man! He’s gonna kill your daughters to get you off his back, and that just ain’t right,” Criminal Wally replied. Sam was horrified. Killing kids was like killing old ladies. As Criminal Wally had put it, it just wasn’t right.

“Do you know anything else?”

“I think he’s planning to launch his attack tomorrow at 12 noon….but I’ve stayed too long as it is. If he finds out I told you what he was planning, he’ll kill Linda, and I can’t let that happen. Gotta run!” With that, Criminal Wally disappeared in a red blur of motion, leaving Sam alone once more.

“What am I supposed to do now?” he asked aloud. He certainly didn’t want the monstrous Flash of this dimension to kill his counterpart’s adorable children, and he wanted to be indirectly responsible for their deaths by having accidentally taken their father’s place even less….but, as much as he hated to admit it, he didn’t have the best success rate against the Flash of his own universe, and the Flash of this dimension was a ruthless murderer, one whom he knew lacked the reservations of the Flash he was familiar with. He was good at playing cops and robbers, and at evading trouble, but he doubted he would be able to survive a brutal fight with a speedster who could murder old ladies and little kids without any apparent guilt. Quite frankly, the idea of fighting the Murder Flash terrified him. Maybe it made him a coward….but he definitely didn't relish the thought of getting brutally murdered by a psychopath.

“Who am I kidding? I’m no hero. If pretending to be my counterpart taught me anything, it’s that I’m not a hero. Those poor kids….they’re gonna die, and the only thing that’ll happen if I try to intervene is that they’ll watch someone who looks like their dad get killed right before they die.” He couldn’t do anything; better to just disappear into the Mirror Realm until the carnage had ended. Sure, he’d feel terrible when it was over, but it wasn’t his fault that the Murder Flash hated Dr. Scudder, and it also wasn’t his fault that the psychopath was willing to kill kids. It wasn’t, and if he told himself that enough, maybe he’d be able to live with himself after this was over.

******************************************************************

Before Dr. Scudder could ask either the mysterious Evan McCulloch or George Wiggins’ counterpart about just what exactly was going on, several more people filed into the room, most of whom bore an eerie resemblance to his friends from his own dimension. There was a small, lithe blonde man with a mischievous smile who looked exactly like Giovanni, a beautiful woman who looked exactly like Mayor Lisa Snart, a man in a suit and strangely striped top hat who strongly resembled Dr. Dillon (if Dr. Dillon had had unsettling glowing eyes), and a tall, muscular man who could have been Mick Rory’s twin had his body not been covered in burns. More strangely yet, standing next to Giovanni’s doppelganger was a slight young man with long red hair. Dr. Scudder couldn’t be sure, but from the pictures he’d seen of the man in the newspaper, this man looked like he could be Hartley Rathaway, the sole heir to the Rathaway Publishing Company. What in the world would the son of two billionaires be doing in a place like this? Before he could ponder this question further, however, two more people entered the room, arguing loudly. One of them was probably the doppelganger of his friend Mark Mardon, and the other was, without a doubt, this universe’s version of Officer Len Snart. There was no mistaking his icy blue eyes.

“How irresponsible are you?” Officer Snart’s counterpart demanded.

“It’s...it’s not my fault, Cold! I didn’t even know about this until yesterday!” Mark’s doppelganger replied.

“How many times have I told you to be careful? I ain’t gonna lecture nobody about havin’ an eye for the ladies, but the last thing I need is to have my guys gettin’ people pregnant! It creates way too many complications...like the fact that you might wind up as a toddler’s closest living relative!”

“Come on, Cold! How was I supposed to know that Officer Jackam would get murdered by a knife-wielding maniac? That’s not exactly something that happens every day!”

“Even if she hadn’t gotten herself killed, you still would’ve owed like three thousand dollars in child support. The last thing we need is more attention from the police, and you know how much Central’s cracked down on deadbeat dads! And don’t give me any of that crap about them not coming after us for that...the mom was a cop! Which, by the way, makes you even MORE stupid and irresponsible! Seriously, a cop? What were you thinking?”

“I know what he was thinking! He was thinking that he was lonely, and that she was really hot,” Giovanni’s counterpart snarked.

“Um, excuse me, but what exactly is going on here? I’ve been in prison for a week or two, so I’m not caught up on current events,” Dr. Scudder asked, in the hopes of both cutting off the argument and figuring out what was going on and why it concerned him (or rather, his counterpart).

“Don’t look at me, mate. I’m in the same boat as you,” George Wiggins’ counterpart said. “Cold”, which for some reason seemed to be the name everyone was addressing Officer Snart’s counterpart by, frowned.

“Mardon was stupid enough to have a one-night stand with a cop and get her pregnant, and now not only does he owe more money than he has in child-support bills, but he’s also the kid’s closest living relative because the cop-Officer Jackam; she arrested you once, remember?-got killed by a crazy knife-wielding cultist,” he snapped.

“C’mon; it’s not like I knew I had a kid. If her partner hadn’t tracked me down and told me, I’d have never known about him. I wasn’t consciously missing child support payments,” Mark’s counterpart protested.

“That don’t exactly make it better, Mardon,” Cold replied. Dr. Scudder, for his part, had mostly worked out what was happening. Evidently, Mark’s counterpart and Julie’s counterpart still had had a son...but they weren’t married to each other, Julie’s counterpart had been murdered, and Mark’s counterpart was a criminal and hadn’t even known that his son existed until recently. But in that case, where was Josh?

“So...who’s got the kid?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

“Right now? Officer Chyre, the only 58-year-old beat cop in the entire police force. He was Julie’s partner, and her father’s partner, and her grandfather’s partner. Guy’s old enough that he was a rookie cop when my old man was on the force, and he wanted to adopt the kid himself. Said he sees him as a grandson almost,” Cold replied. Dr. Scudder remembered Officer Snart briefly mentioning that his father had been a corrupt police officer. Evidently, this was also true of his counterpart’s father.

“Then why bring Mark into it at all? If Officer Chyre wants to raise the child, why didn’t he just apply to have him adopted? It isn’t as though Mark would be likely to win any sort of custody battle.” This question came from the red-haired young man who looked a lot like Hartley Rathaway.

“Well, you see, there’s a bit of a catch with this particular kid. He can control the weather,” Cold replied. Dr. Scudder stared at Cold in shock.

“He can do what?” The Josh in his reality didn’t have any superpowers...and neither, for that matter, did the Mark Mardon of his reality.

“He can control the weather. When he’s happy, rainbows appear. When he cries, it rains. When he’s angry, it storms. And he’s two years old and has no control over any of it.” Cold said.

“But how?”

“At the moment, I think the working theory is that the weather wand somehow altered my DNA; that somehow its weather-controlling powers got encoded into my genes or something and were passed along to my son,” Mark’s counterpart explained. Dr. Scudder wanted to protest that a device that could control the weather was patently ridiculous, but it wasn’t really much stranger than his mirror technology, so he couldn’t. Although if sufficiently advanced and bizarre technology could encode itself in the user’s DNA, did that mean that there was a possibility that he had given his children biological superpowers without realizing it? It was a sobering thought.

“Regardless of how he got the powers, the point is, he has them now, and the only way to counteract what this kid can do is to use the Weather Wand. As a result, anybody who wants custody of the kid also needs custody of the wand….which is why I had Evan bring everybody here. Thanks to Mark bein’ a moron, we’ve got a real problem on our hands,” Cold said.

“Hey!” Mark’s counterpart protested. Cold ignored him.

“So, the way I see it, Mark has to either give up the Weather Wand, or take the kid himself. Otherwise, we’re running a very real risk that this kid’ll destroy the city or somethin’,” he said.

“Could we not simply allow Flash to deal with the weather created by the child?” Dr. Dillon’s counterpart asked.

“That might work for some of the stuff the kid can do, but probably not all of it. Like, I know he can stop tornadoes, but can he stop a hurricane? Mark doesn’t have any internal powers, so Flash can stop all the stuff he does by knocking him unconscious or getting the Wand out of his hands. The kid’s powers are internalized. They can’t be taken away from him, and, since I doubt the Flash will take to punching a toddler in the face, the only solutions are waiting for the kid’s mood to change or using the Wand. And before anyone suggests that Mark could just counteract the kid’s power with the wand without taking the kid...do you really think the cops’ll just give him the Weather Wand if he’s in prison or something?”

“Couldn’t the cops or the Flash or whoever just use the Wand themselves if that happened?” This question came from Mayor Snart’s doppelganger. Cold frowned thoughtfully.

“That’s a point, sis...but what if there's a learning curve for the Weather Wand? I know I couldn’t do all the stuff I do now with the Cold Gun back when I first started using it. If the Wand’s got a similar learning curve, the kid’s tantrums might destroy the city before they figured out how to use the thing. That kid’s a walking time bomb; playing hot potato with the only thing that can counteract his abilities seems like a stupid idea,” Cold said.

“Couldn’t he just give the Wand to whoever takes the deadly anklebiter and make another one for himself?” George Wiggins’ counterpart asked. Mark’s counterpart flushed and looked pointedly at the ground.

“No. I can’t...because I didn’t invent the wand, my brother did, and he’s dead. I followed his blueprints to make the Wand, and those were destroyed a long time ago by the Flash to prevent anyone from making a more powerful version. Without the blueprints, I’m not smart enough to build another one. And I am not giving up my Weather Wand to anybody else! How exactly can I be the Weather Wizard without it?”

“It don’t matter, Mardon,’cause you’re done as the Weather Wizard whether you give up the Wand or not,” Cold said. Dr. Scudder made a mental note to tell Mark about the “Weather Wizard” name if he ever got back to his home dimension. He’d probably think it was a cool nickname for a weather forecaster, even if he didn’t have a wand that controlled the weather like his counterpart apparently did. In speaking of that Mark, his eyes were now sparking with electricity, and Dr. Scudder suddenly questioned the validity of Cold’s claims that the man had no natural superpowers. Normal people couldn’t shoot electricity from their eyes, after all.

“What do you mean, I’m ‘done’ as the Weather Wizard?” he snapped.

“I mean that since I’m not keen on the idea of my city getting destroyed by a superpowered toddler throwing a tantrum, you’re either giving up the Weather Wand, in which case you’ll have to stop being the Weather Wizard since you’ll have no powers, or you’re taking the kid,” Cold snarled.

“Are you crazy? I’m not taking the kid! I don’t know anything about kids! And even if I was taking the kid, why would I stop being the Weather Wizard? Digger has a kid, and he’s still Captain Boomerang!” Mark’s doppelganger exclaimed.

“Digger’s kid is sixteen years old, and doesn’t have potentially city-destroying superpowers. Your kid is two and does,” Cold replied.

“Well, I’m not taking the kid anyway, so it doesn’t matter,” Mark’s doppelganger said.

“Then give me the Wand so I can get it to whoever’s gonna be using it to stop the kid from accidentally destroying everything,” Cold ordered.

“What? No! You can’t take my Wand! I need it!” Mark’s counterpart cried.

“Then you’re taking the kid?” Cold asked.

“No! Do I look like a father to you?” In response, Cold grabbed Mark’s counterpart and pulled a thin metal rod out of his left sleeve.

“Make up your mind, Mardon. What do you want more: having the wand, or not having the kid?” he asked.

“Give me my Wand back!”

“Not unless you agree to take the kid,” Cold said.

“What makes you think they’ll even let me have him?” Dr. Scudder thought this was a good question. Mark’s counterpart was a supervillain, after all.

“Three reasons. First, you’re his closest living relative. Second, you’re at least moderately competent with the Weather Wand. And third, you’re technically out on parole right now. Normally, you’d never get custody just by being on parole, but given the fact that you’ve got a kid with the potential to destroy the city, I think they’ll be inclined to give you him just to make sure that the city stays in one piece. So I repeat, what do you want more? Do you want to have the Wand, or do you want to not have the responsibility of the kid?” Cold replied.

“I want both of those things!”

“Tough. Should’ve thought of that before you got Officer Jackam pregnant.”

“Wait...if his son is powerful enough that he could potentially destroy the city, why haven’t we ever heard of him before? That seems like something that would’ve traced him back to Weather Wizard a long time ago,” Mr. Rathaway’s counterpart asked.

“From what Chyre said, his powers were dormant up until recently. About a week ago, he made it rain indoors, and his powers have been steadily increasing since then. Yesterday, when he threw a fit, it created a miniature tornado that almost destroyed Chyre’s house,” Cold replied. Dr. Scudder looked up in alarm. If the child’s powers really were increasing that rapidly, then there was no wonder that Cold wanted to make sure that his powers were kept under control.

“Then I...I guess I’ll take the kid. I can’t give up the Weather Wand. I just can’t! You have no idea what losing that sort of power would do to me,” Mark’s counterpart said.

“You do realize you’re still not gonna be able to be the Weather Wizard, don’t you? Kid that could destroy the city or not, they’re gonna be watching you like a hawk...and if you give them so much as a hint that you’re committing crimes, they’ll give the kid and the wand to someone else,” Cold asked him.

“I don’t care! The Wand is the only reason I’ve ever been anyone! I can’t give it up...even if it means I get saddled with a kid!” Befor Dr. Scudder could think of a way to ask about the potential danger of letting this man raise a child, Cold cut him off by speaking up again.

“And if I find out that you’ve been doing anything-anything at all- to hurt that kid, Mardon, you’ll have me to answer to, understand?” Cold barked.

“Yes, sir,” Mark said weakly. Cold shook his head.

“Cold, you do realize that removing Mardon from the Rogues will reduce our overall power level significantly, correct?” Dr. Dillon’s counterpart asked.

“Of course I realize that, Dillon...but Mardon’s made his bed, and now we’re all stuck lying in it. Come on, Mardon. Let’s get your kid,” Cold said. Mark’s counterpart made a sad little whine, then followed Cold out of the room.

“So, how long do you think it’ll be before Mark loses the kid and the wand?” Giovanni’s counterpart asked, sounding entirely too cheerful about the prospect.

“I give it a week, at best. Mardon’s incompetent,” Dr. Dillon’s doppelganger said coolly.

“Not with Lenny breathing down his neck. My bet is that it’ll last a few months before Lenny slips up enough to not be around when he does something stupid,” Mayor Snart’s counterpart replied. At this point, Dr. Scudder decided that he had had enough of this particular group of people to last him for a good long while, and quietly slipped into the Mirror Realm. True, he couldn’t use it to get home, but anything was better than getting further wrapped up in the apparent soap opera that was the life of his counterpart when not in prison. Unfortunately for him, the solitude of the Mirror Realm lasted for only a few seconds before it was invaded by the mysterious McCulloch.

“Howzitgoan?” he asked. Dr. Scudder almost jumped out of his skin at the unexpected sound.

“What do you want?” he asked as soon as his heart started beating at a normal rate again. McCulloch let out a disturbing chuckle.

“Ye should see the look on your face!”

“I said, what do you want?”

“Ye ken, ye don’t have tae pretend nae more,” McCulloch said. Dr. Scudder felt a sense of dread settle in his stomach. McCulloch knew.

“W-what do you mean?” he asked. McCulloch laughed again.

“Ye can knock that off. I didnae come up the Clyde on a banana boat, ye ken? I mean that ye aren’t Scudder...at least, ye are nae the Scudder of this reality. That’s right, int it nae?”

“How...how did you-”

“How did I figure it out? I’m a canny lad, I am. I’ve known since I saw ye. Scudder’s a southpaw, ye ken. Would’ve caught the cigarette pack with his left hand, nae his right. And his hair curls in the opposite direction from yours. Going intae Wonderland with ye just proved what I’d already worked out on my own, ken? You’re his literal mirror image, and but.”

“So why didn’t you tell anyone?” McCulloch shrugged.

“Didnae feel like it. So, who are ye really?”

“Dr. Samuel Scudder. I’m an optometrist. And a superhero,” he replied. He wasn’t about to tell this lunatic that he had a wife and children. McCulloch laughed again.

“An optometrist? That’s pure barry, it is! Wonderland transport ye here, Dr. Mirror Master?” he asked.

“What is Wonderland?”

“Ach, that’s right. If ye are anything like the Scudder I ken, ye have nae creativity. Ye probably call it the Mirror Realm. Pure boring name, that.”

“Then yes, I was using the Mirror Realm when I was transported here. For whatever reason, it’s been blocking me from leaving this dimension since then, so I haven’t been able to get home. I’d guess that your Scudder is probably stuck in my reality,” Dr. Scudder. Evan nodded, as though this was the most natural thing in the world.

“Wonderland does weird things like that, it does. Pure deid brilliant place, int it nae?”

“Then why has it never happened to me before?”

“Suppose it’d be because ye and my Scudder have nae used Wonderland tae go tae the same place at the same time before. Got confused, it did. That’d be why it locked ye both where ye were. It’s likely still sortin’ out it’s confusion, ken?”

“How long will it be before the confusion sorts itself out? I need to get home,” Dr. Scudder asked.

“Weeks? Months? Years? Could be decades.”

“Decades?” He couldn’t be gone that long!

“Calmy doony, Dr. Mirror Master. I can get ye home. All I need do is find the portal tae the dimension that’s the mirror of ours, ken?”

“How do I know I can trust you? From all appearances, you’re a supervillain.”

“From what ye told me, getting you back home’ll be the only way to get my Scudder back. I want him around, ken? Man’s a genius,” McCulloch. Dr. Scudder frowned. He still wasn’t entirely sure that he could trust the mystery man, but the thought of leaving his city and his family without any protection from his universe’s supervillains for any longer horrified him. He’d already been gone for nearly a week!

“All right, McCulloch. If you can get me back to my home dimension, do it.” McCulloch gave a slightly unnerving smile.

“Off we go, then. Hold on tight, Dr. Mirror Master. The trip might get a wee bit rough!”

************************************************************************

Sam checked his watch. 11:45 AM. Fifteen minutes until the Monster Flash of this dimension killed the innocent children of his counterpart. Which wasn’t his fault! It wasn’t! It...oh, who was he kidding? It was. They were going to die, and he would be responsible for it, as surely as if he had killed them himself, because, unlike the Sam Scudder of this dimension, he wasn’t even remotely a good person. He was selfish and self-absorbed, and apparently a coward as well. At his core, he was still the same weak, stupid teenaged boy; trying to protect himself from the memory of his girlfriend’s father being murdered in front of him for no reason at all by acting like he was tough. He had spent years hiding, in one way or another, from the man in the mirror, because when he looked at the reflection of Sam Scudder, he didn’t like what he saw. He sighed weakly as he absently looked into his counterpart’s bedroom through his side of the mirror that hung on its wall. Sam had never hated himself more than he did at this moment.

Suddenly, his eye fell on his Mirror Master costume, which was lying next to an old JSA comic, and he felt a sudden surge of disgust. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t just Sam Scudder, he was the Mirror Master! Supervillain or not, the Mirror Master had been based on the members of the JSA, and he wasn’t afraid of anything, not even the Murder Flash! Sure, he’d never beaten the Flash of his reality, but he’d never fought the Flash over anything nearly as important as this. With his brilliant inventions and the fact that he was keeping a bunch of adorable kids from getting hurt on his side, he was sure to win! Smiling smugly, the Mirror Master stepped into his counterpart’s room through the mirror and changed into his costume. He had gotten about five inches out of his room when he was confronted by Jennifer.

“What are you doing back here?” she said, clearly furious.

“No time to explain, I’m afraid. Madam Jennifer, you’re about to witness the greatest act of the Mirror Master’s illustrious career: the moment when I finally defeat the Flash!” Another convenient thing about being the Mirror Master was the fact that Sam could bury his emotions under the theatricality the role required.

“The Flash? Isn’t he in prison?”

“Take it from another supervillain, Madam Jennifer: we rarely stay in prison for very long.”

“Why would you want to stop another supervillain?”

“Because, Madam Jennifer, even I’m not enough of a monster to butcher children.” Jennifer gasped.

“You don’t mean that he’s…”

“I’m afraid so.” He handed her one of his mirror guns.

“If you think I’m going to abandon my house to a pair of maniacs, you’ve got another thing coming, mister!”

“That’s not it, Madam Jennifer. I’m going to meet him outside. If it looks like he’s winning...or like I’m going to betray you somehow-you can use this to protect yourself and the house and get the kids to safety.”

“Why should you care what happens to us?”

“Because I’d like to be able to look at myself in the mirror when this is done. And besides, I wouldn’t be much of a Mirror Master if I passed up the chance to defeat the Flash, now would I?” Jennifer didn’t look convinced, but she stepped out of his way.

“If you mess this up, you won’t have to worry about the Flash killing you...because I’ll kill you myself,” she said. Mirror Master laughed.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Madam Jennifer.” With that, he went down the stairs and was about to go out the front door when Kathy, Kinsley, and Samantha surrounded him.

“Aren’t you gonna tell us good-bye, Dad? You usually do when you go on a mission,” Kinsley asked. Mirror Master sighed, knelt down so he was at the girls’ level, and then took off his cowl. This was one situation Mirror Master wasn’t of much use in.

“Kids, I have to tell you something. I….I’m not who you think I am. Your dad’s a really good person, and with kids like you, I can see why, but I’m not your dad. I’m an alternate version of him from another reality, and I got stuck here thanks to an accident with the Mirror Realm. My name’s Sam. I’m a Mirror Master, too, but...I’m a bad guy. I’m not going to hurt you...you’re great kids...but I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and pretending to be your dad was one of them. I’m very sorry, and I get it if you don’t forgive me or anything. But I need to tell you something. The Flash-the really bad man your dad fights-is coming here to hurt you guys. I’m going to try to stop him. If it looks like I’m going to lose, you need to go find your mom so that she can keep you safe, okay?” he said. In response, Kinsley kicked him in the shin.

“That’s for pretending to be my dad.”

“I...I deserved that.”

“Yeah, you did. But don’t worry. If you get your butt kicked by the Flash, I’ll make sure to get Kathy and Samantha to safety,” she said.

“Good.”

“Bye, other Daddy,” Samantha said. Sam choked up.

“G-good-bye, Samantha,” he said. With that, he pulled the cowl back on, left the house, locked the door behind him, and started setting up his mirror traps. When it came to fighting a speedster, nothing was more important than being prepared.

After six minutes of rapid-fire preparation, a red blur sped into view and solidified into the Murder Flash, activating one of the mirror traps as he did so.

“Well, my Flashy foe, it’s about time you showed up. What took you so long?” The Murder Flash snarled as he dodged and vibrated through the explosion of jagged mirror shards that he had set off, then ran at one of Mirror Master’s mirror duplicates, which sent him straight into another trap, this one capable of inducing temporary disorientation.

“Nice try, Flash! I see your brain is working as fast as ever!” The Murder Flash’s only response was another snarl. He tried to run towards Mirror Master, but the disorientation caused him to land flat on his face instead. Naturally, being a Flash, he was back on his feet in another second, but it had given Mirror Master just enough time to swap locations with another of his duplicates. The Murder Flash proceeded to run into three more mirror-traps, shaking off the effect quickly but giving Mirror Master valuable time to relocate himself and create more traps. Mirror Master smirked. What had he been so worried about? This was much easier than fighting the Flash of his dimension!

“I’ve got to say, Flash, I was really expecting more out of a supervillain like you!” he crowed.

“You’re not Dr. Scudder!” Suddenly, Mirror Master found himself in the grip of the Murder Flash. He managed to use his special contact lenses to shoot a laser into the Monster Flash’s hands, prompting the other supervillain to release him and giving him just enough time to hide himself once more. Okay, so maybe he’d been wrong about how easy this would be.

“What makes you say that?” Mirror Master asked as he set up another trap.

“Because your vibratory aura indicates that you’re from another reality. What are you doing here, and where is the good doctor?” The voice sounded like that of the Flash’s, but with a cold undertone that made it very disturbing.

“Accident with the Mirror Realm. Your Mirror Master’s probably in my dimension right about now,” Mirror Master replied.

“In that case, I will make you an offer. I don’t know how you found out that I was planning to murder Dr. Scudder’s family, but it doesn’t concern you. Leave now, and I will let you return to your own dimension unharmed.” Mirror Master smirked.

“Sorry, but I have a policy against making deals with psychopathic child killers, and another policy against making deals with people who think they’re supervillains,” he said.

“Then you will die with them,” Murder Flash said. He promptly ran at another Mirror Duplicate and was temporarily trapped in a mirror.

“You see, this is what I mean! You’re a villain-there’s no doubt about that-but you aren’t a supervillain. You know what the difference between the two is?” he asked as the Murder Flash burst out of the mirror that had been holding him. In response, the Mirror Master pressed a button on the inside of his suit. An image of a disco ball appeared, spreading colorful light all across the lawn, disco music began to play, and several laser beams started chasing the Murder Flash.

“PRESENTATION!” he exclaimed. The lasers slowly started to box the Murder Flash in, and Mirror Master watched as he ran out of places to run. He had done it! He had beaten the Flash and saved the kids! Of course he had! He was the-UGH!

“Did you really think your silly trap could hold me? I can run much faster than light! All I had to do to escape was break light speed!” Weakly, Mirror Master reached for his gun, only for the Murder Flash to beat him to it and snap it in half.

“One last chance, “Mirror Master”. Your tech is gone. Now get out of my way, or I will kill you, slowly and painfully.”

“Not happening. You see, I’m a lousy person. I lie and I steal stuff and I’m not nearly the man your Mirror Master is. I’m a supervillain...but the thing about supervillains is, we never know when to quit!” With that, he forced himself to get to his feet...only for the Murder Flash to knock him back down again and throw punch after punch after punch into his face and abdomen. He was about to start wondering if your life really did flash before your eyes right before you died...when suddenly, the Murder Flash was hit by what seemed to be a solid beam of light. He shrieked in apparent pain and fell unconscious.

“Howzitgoan, Scudder?” Sam groaned. Saved by McCulloch...he was never going to live this one down. Then everything spun around, and the world went black.

When he came to, Sam found himself in what looked like a hospital room, surrounded by Jennifer, Kathy, Kinsley, Samantha, McCulloch (ugh), and a man who could’ve been his identical twin. Undoubtedly, this was the other Sam Scudder.

“Mornin’, Sleeping Beauty,” McCulloch said.

“Shut up, McCulloch.” Sam winced as a wave of pain washed over him.

“How are you feeling?” This question came from the other Sam, which made it more than a little weird.

“Like I got hit by a train,” Sam replied.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. You’ve got four broken ribs and a concussion,” his counterpart replied.

“I guess you’re Dr. Scudder. Nice to meet you, I think,” Sam said.

“And you must be Sam. I spent almost a week in prison because of you….but on the other hand, you did risk your life to save my family, so I’d say we’re even on that front. I’ve been...curious to meet you,” Dr. Scudder replied.

“Same here. So, optometry, huh?”

“A bit on the nose for the Mirror Master, maybe, but it seems to be more profitable than crime,” Dr. Scudder said. Sam flushed.

“Yeah, if there’s one thing pretending to be you taught me, it’s that I might want to consider cleaning up my act a bit,” he muttered.

“If you need a place to start, I’d suggest kicking your smoking habit and treating your mother a little better.”

“No promises...but I’ll think about it. And...I’m sorry about your mother, I guess. I don’t know what I’d do if my mother was killed,” Sam replied.

“I...I still miss her...but I actually got to talk to your mom while I was in prison in your dimension, and I think...I think that helped me work through some of my feelings. It was like getting to talk to her one last time, just like I always wanted.”

“If it helps, you’ve also got a great family. I wouldn’t almost die for just anyone,” Sam said. Dr. Scudder beamed as he put his arm around his wife.

“Believe me, I know.”

“Thanks for bringing our Dad back, Mr. McCulloch,” Kathy said.

“And getting to see a cute lassie like you smile? The pleasure was all mine,” McCulloch replied cheerily.

“You three are going to have to catch me up on what I missed after McCulloch and Sam go back to their own dimension,” Dr. Scudder said. The girls beamed.

“You’re gonna love it, Dad! We’ve never had a story as cool as this before!” Kinsley exclaimed. Then she ran over to Sam and gave him a hug.

“And that’s for saving our lives!” she exclaimed before running back to her dad. Then Jennifer walked up to him.

“I’m still not exactly happy with you...but what you did back there was pretty brave. Maybe you’ve got it in you to be more like my husband than either of us thought. You helped save my daughter’s lives and allowed my husband to have a family to come home to, so I suppose I need to thank you for that. But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will personally give you another four broken ribs!”

“You’re welcome.”

“I hate tae cut this little reunion short, but it’s best if we get going. Scudder and I have our own reality tae get back tae,” McCulloch interjected.

“Bye, Dr. Scudder,” Sam said.

“Good-bye, Sam. Be careful going through the Mirror Realm. You don’t want to hurt yourself worse,” Dr. Scudder replied.

“Good-bye, Jennifer. Good-bye, Kinsley. Good-bye, Kathy.”

“Good-bye.”

“Bye!” “Bye!”

“Good-bye, other Daddy. I hope you find out how to be a good guy,” Samantha said.

“Good-bye, Samantha,” Sam replied, tearing up.

“Are ye crying?” McCulloch asked.

“Shut up, McCulloch.” With that, Sam stood up (very gingerly) and allowed McCulloch to pull him into the Mirror Realm and back to his own dimension.

“Welcome back, Scudder. Things haven’t been the same without ye, ye ken?” McCulloch said as they stepped into the Rogues’ latest hideout. Before Sam could react, he was greeted by a grouchy-looking Captain Cold and a baffled-looking Mark Mardon, the latter of whom was holding a strangely familiar toddler on his hip.

“Hey, Cold. Hey, Mardon. Hello, little Josh,” Sam said.

“Hey, Sam. Wait...how’d you know his name was Josh?” Mark asked.

“And why do you look like you just got run over by a train?” Cold added.

“It’s a long story, and one I don’t think I’m up to telling at the moment. For now, let’s just say that I met the man in the mirror, and he changed me for the better.”

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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About “Separate Tides” from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

...>A-hem< F**KING CALLED IT!

I said that the earliest that The Owl House would return would be late June and early July. And some of YYYOOOUUU sons of witches doubted me by saying it would be fall or winter. Well, guess what! "Separate Tides'' has come and gone, the show is back and better than ever, and we are all happy about it! You see how it pays to be optimistic, you persistent PACK OF PESSIMISTS!

...Sorry. Got a little hot there. I'm just so happy it's BACK!

10 MONTHS! It's been nearly 10 months since this show began its hiatus, large in part because of the pandemic. It was painful. BOY, was it painful. But I can already tell that the new season is going to be well worth the wait just by this episode alone.

But beware you mangey sea dogs! Thar be spoilers ahead when discussing such a premier.

And I swear to you that it's only spoilers for "Separate Tides." I haven't seen "Escaping Expulsion" either, and I promise you will be safe from anybody ruining it for you. But maybe don't read any responses from this post. Thar may be d**ks in these waters. So let's review, shall we!

WHAT I LIKE

Mirroring Season One’s Opening Scene: First off, this is a neat callback to what is the perfect first impression of the series. That scene perfectly introduces us to the type of show The Owl House is, while this one acts as a reintroduction to the world we left for way too long.

Second, this is also a well-hidden character moment. Luz is finally living the life she dreamed of, but it isn't exactly all that she expected. It's a great showcase that despite literally running away to a fantasy world, Luz is still getting a regular dose of reality. And I still love the irony in all of that.

(Plus, King eating the bounty is just funny).

The Recap Recording: This is a smart way to recap events from the season finale. It might be weird that Luz says things that the audience already knows, but she's not talking to us. She's talking to her mom. So she's going to explain all that she can in a way for Camila to fully understand. Besides, not every fan had repeatedly watched The Owl House Season One over and over again like a bunch of frickin' lunatics...You know who you are.

Plus, as an upside, Luz gets to explain new events and concepts for how she and the rest of the Owl House are making a living. In no way does it feel like forced exposition because, again, she's trying to describe as much as she can to her mother. It's a reasonable and natural way to talk to the audience in order to catch them up while also showing what's been happening since we've last left this show.

Luz Can’t Send Texts to Her Mom: ...Well, Texts to Home, it was fun while it lasted, but the current canon has decided that you're done. I'll miss you and appreciate all that you've done for me, but, yeah, this is the end. Sorry.

Alright, now that I got my jokes out of the way, allow me to explain how this is really a heartbreaking moment. Because the fact that Luz is forever cut off from her mother, even through texts, is an idea that just twists the knife in your heart when you really sit down to think about it. Luz's little goodbye at the end of her video does nothing but makes it worse.

On the upside, we get some solid character development as Luz doesn't even hesitate to send the video to Camila, learning her lesson from "Enchanted Grom Fright" about being more honest. She finally faced her fear, even if it was a fruitless effort.

They’re Doing Odd Jobs Now: This is a smart workaround for how the Owl House residents are making money. Some fans guessed that maybe Eda had so much junk piled up that they wouldn’t worry, but this seems more of a logical direction. Even if Eda had enough garbage to sell, she’ll can and will eventually run out at some point, meaning that they will all have to take the odd jobs anyway. So I appreciate the writers used that plot point sooner rather than later, as a fun romp as bounty hunters is something you want to do early in the season instead of later on. Especially with how Dana Terrace confirmed that s**t’s gonna go down in the future.

Lilith: ...I'm still willing to hold off--What the f**k did I say his name was? *looks up past review* Frederick Ulis--Frederick Ulisinsburg!

I am willing to hold off Frederick Ulisinsburg, for now, because Lilith is...sort of on the right track. I mean, I don't like how quick she was to playfully mock Eda or rudely yell at Hooty. But I do think that there is potential for her character. She feels genuine guilt for what she's done, and there's a chance that the new season will explore that further if the writers are smart (which they are). On top of that, there's a possibility that every time Lilith tries to act cocky or full of herself, she will be treated as a proverbial punching bag because of it. Like how her poster got burned down after boasting how impressive she looks. Or how Golden Guard's poster magically sealed itself to her face when Lilith tried to throw it away. It's the latter that primarily got me cackling like a madman due to how deservingly hilarious it was.

And, well...she happily clapped like a schoolgirl! Which was adorable! I can't hate characters who have the potential to be adorable! It's not in my nature!

So, while I am a little hesitant in liking her, I think there's a chance for improvement in her character in the future that I look forward to. We just have to wait and see if the writers pull it off.

(By the way, to the person that came up with Lilith wearing a "battery low" shirt...you're a genius in visual gags/storytelling.)

Greg’s List: Have I ever mentioned that this show is funny?

Who's Greg? Why does he organize a list of perfect bounties?

I don't know, but the idea of some random person in the Boiling Isles is putting it on himself to set up a list to make bounties...I'm sorry, but that's funny to me. It's also probably for how Craig's List was made, but when you really think about it, Craig's List is a funny idea as well.

Eda Isn’t Feared Anymore: I sort of guessed that this would happen, but seeing it is a whole different level of sympathy to feel for the character. Eda's main schtick was being the most powerful witch on the Isles, and that's gone now. She's forced to adapt to this new normal, which she's quick to do, but still. Tt's got to be a rough kick to the ego now that no one even cares about who she is anymore.

It's a low moment for her character that hopefully sets up her own arc for the rest of the season.

Luz Feels Like She’s a Burden: I will demolish her with love and kindness if she even CONSIDERS talking so poorly about herself again! Because Luz is not a burden. She is a beam of light that literally brightens up the lives of nearly everyone she meets. Eda already explains how her life is better because of Luz (through a heart-tugging speech that almost got to me, by the way), but it's not just Eda.

King now has his first real friend who admires him and treats him like the king he wants to be.

Willow has become much more confident and cheerful because Luz was always in her corner.

Gus learns more about the humans he appreciates with his whole heart while also having a friend that treats him like an equal rather than a kid.

And do I even have to say ANYTHING about Amity?

The Boiling Isles wouldn't be better off without Luz. It's better because of her. And shame on this girl for thinking otherwise...even though I fully understand where she's coming from.

I'm about to get personal for a second, so strap in. Because I am a twenty-somthing-year-old who is currently living with his mom. It's as pathetic as it sounds. But it's because I'm still attending college, and she says school comes first and jobs and apartments come second. Despite that, I feel like trash for just...living here as she still takes care of me and pays for the food I can't afford. She says that I shouldn't worry about it, but I still wait for the day I can finally pay her back for everything. Not some things, but everything. And that's Luz's mentality in this episode. The overwhelming guilt she's feeling for thinking she's inconveniencing Eda's life is something that hits really hard for me. It doesn't matter if it's true, but that she believes it's true. It's a heartbreaking character arc she's forced into for this episode that also adds more to why she's one of the many characters I heavily relate to.

Lulu and Hootstipher: Whoever thought of this idea...I f**king love you.

This is similar to when Noah and Owen became friends in Total Drama World Tour. Seemingly one-sided at first, you see a cute friendship that you would have never expected, but it works! Hooty is this happy and naive character who hardly understands what's going on half the time, and Lilith is...Lilith. Their chemistry is instantly fun as their dynamic is quick to understand.

This also shines with potential for character growth, for it could give Lilith a chance to be more caring and Hooty a chance to be more than just the comic relief. If you were to tell me that this is what was going to happen when the season premiered, I would have thought you were crazy. But now, after seeing it in action, I'm genuinely excited to see where this cute friendship between these two goes.

(As long as it doesn't involve fans shipping them. Because Hooty can do better)

Luz Getting Better with Her Magic: Our little bisexual princess is growing up! And, man, is it awesome to see. Luz going from just barely knowing how to do magic to full-on using her spells like second nature just warms my heart with all the character growth it presents. Now, some people might want an explanation for how she's able to do said spells, to which I say: "Who the f**k cares?"

If you ask me, Luz's magic is one of those things that doesn't need a direct answer because it doesn't matter as much. But if you're going to be a baby about it, here's what I can offer: As far as I can tell, it's equal parts having the glyph and mentally picturing what the spell should do. It's much like how Willow draws a spell circle and can either make giant jungle vines or a patch of flowers to land on. Luz's glyphs are her own spell circles. As long as she concentrates hard enough, she can make the glyph do whatever she wants it to.

There. You have your explanation. Now let's just all appreciate the fact that Luz can now throw fireballs and make vine whips like the superpowered teenager she most likely fantasized of being. Ok? Ok.

A Pirate Losing His Head...Literally: ...And I'm gonna go ahead and add that to the list.

I mean, for f**k's sake, WE SEE BONE! He puts his head back on, but we still see the bone!

Eda in a Pirate Outfit: ...That is all.

The Golden Guard: This guy shows up for only a few minutes, and I'm already beginning to like him. He seems just as threatening as Belos while also coming across as a guy who loves his job and being a ton of fun to watch because of it. I adore villains that find that balance of being funny and terrifying. The result is a character who makes me laugh on top of making me scared of what they could do to our protagonists. So far, that's the Golden Guard in a nutshell, and I can't wait to see what the rest of the season has in store with him. Whether it involves seeing him play with food as he did with Eda and Luz in this episode or seeing him getting kicked in the crotch like a little punk like him deserves, I am all for it.

(Bonus points if it's Amity who does the crotch kicking if he ever makes an advancement on Luz)

Eda Wanting to Protect the Selkidomus: I love this. It plays into the idea that Eda cares about things being wild and free and despises how Emperor Belos would want to control everything, including the most insignificant of animals. It shows just how kind Eda really is rather than someone motivated by greed...even if she does end up filthy rich in the end.

Emperor Belos’ Brief Cameo: Yup, still terrifying!

And if it turns out that Belos can see the Scrying Potion that Lilith made...we're going to have some problems.

Much like the actual problems that I have with this episode!

(Like that transition?)

WHAT I DISLIKE

King Being Stupid: King has two different personalities in this series. Either he's a pathetic wannabe ruler who seems intelligent or an idiotic Disney comedic sidekick. That latter version of King is what we get in "Separate Tides," and I don't like it (obviously). I don't care how cute it is to see him cling onto Luz's leg and exclaim how he won't let her leave. The same character who helped Luz break into a prison to save Eda shouldn't be the same one who falls asleep when a sheet covers him like a dumbass parrot! King's at his best when he's as intelligent as the rest of the characters. And not as dumb as someone like Hooty.

Eda Being Too Nice Around Lilith: This one bothers me the most. After being cursed for thirty years and having her life ruined by the person she thought she could trust the most, Eda is still all smiley and jokey when talking to Lilith. Yeah, sorry, but I don't buy that. No one in their right mind would be that cool with a person who did all of what Lilith did. It's a major misstep that squanders what could have been a fantastic overarching story of Eda learning to forgive her sister and Lilith trying to earn it. We'll at least get Lilith's guilt, but as is, I feel Eda showing genuine anger towards her would elevate that story by a lot.

IN CONCLUSION

But that's about all the bad things I have to say about "Separate Tides." As is, it is a well-earned, solid A of a season premiere. It introduces new concepts and characters I can't wait to see more of, continues old storylines and character development instead of ignoring them, and still proves that The Owl House is as charming and funny as it always was. Maybe the rest of the season could continue to be great, or maybe things might get worse. Time can only tell. For now, all I can tell you is that "Separate Tides" is a great and fun episode that makes me excited as we set sail to this new season.

(And Scared. Mostly scared)

#the owl house #the owl house season 2 #the owl house review #luz noceda #edalyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #the golden guard #king of demons #toh hooty #what i thought about

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dahlia-molinas · 3 years

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i have what may be an unpopular opinion. i didn't like the show's portrayal of the crows. i enjoyed the shadow and bone characters- they were much better and more fleshed out than they were in the books. (im putting it under the cut because this got long)

but the crows? kaz and inej in the show were not the ones i read about in the book. kaz in the book struggles to express his emotions, and in the show he throws a cheesy line at inej ten minutes into the first episode. in the book kaz is a ruthless criminal mastermind driven by his need for vengeance. in the show kaz shows some resemblance to being a mastermind. every single one of his plans failed and it was so sad that i was laughing. what was the point of the map heist. why have jesper get the coals when you know they're important- why not have him get the goat instead. why did they even need a goat, honestly, other than for comic relief. was kaz's plan to kidnap alina really reliant on him and inej taking her "to get dinner"??? really??? they really thought they could just walk away with her in front of everyone??? where was the lying, the cons, the thieving, the pick pocketing, picking the locks, scaling walls, stakeouts, where were my crows?? i understand that there was no way the crows could have successfully kidnapped alina, but couldn't they have done something else to integrate the two stories? as for his backstory? it's barely hinted. barely. there are about two scenes about his gloves or his aversion to touch, three at most about his cane, and one about his relationship with pekka rollins.

as for inej, i felt like she was reduced to her faith. maybe this is just me, maybe its amita suman's rather poor acting, but inej was simply a starstruck woman the entire show. they talked about how she didn't want to go back to the menagerie, but they never properly explored it. they never explored tante heleen's relationship to inej, how inej was abused, what she went through, and how it affected her. i think making inej work with the menagerie (or whatever the deal was- it's still unclear to me honestly) was a poor decision.

as for kanej, their dynamic was so so far off. one of the things that made them so special in the books, in my opinion, is how subtle they were. the build-up. kaz rarely says what he wants to say (see: investment scene) he struggles to put his emotions into words. and in the show? the first scene between them he says there is no one like inej. which is cute and all, but where did it come from? there was no build up. we just see that he cares about her, that she is different and special to him, and that's it? where was the build up? where was the subtlety? kaz risks the crow club for her, but how are we supposed to know what that means? what is the crow club? what is its meaning to kaz? it's never explained. then we have the "i need you" scene. which comes out of nowhere. yes, jesper said they needed her, yes, kaz repeated it again when they were planning to board the skiff, but it still came out of nowhere. what made kaz realize he needed her? was there a moment where she wasn't there and he got in trouble? there has to be something, a scene, where kaz either talks to her or she saves him or something- something that shows, yes, he did need her. not just cliché lines being thrown around.

i loved jesper. he was my favorite part of the show. he was incredibly charming and funny and kit young absolutely killed it as jesper. he stole the entire goddamn show. i still wish he was given more depth- i wish there was more to him than just one liners and funny expressions and some sort of gambling issue shown twice and one sex scene. which, speaking of, was terrible. i appreciate that they at least tried to explore his sexuality somewhat, but it was simply terrible representation. it was one sex scene with a man that had no overall impact whatsoever, and is also viewed as some sort of distraction, similar to his gambling. he was also never labelled as bisexual. they did hint at him being grisha but thats all it was- hints. he is good at shooting yes, but god i am so tired of getting just hints and hints for the crows.

nina and matthias were perfect. they felt very independent from the plot- i can understand why a non book reader would maybe be bored by them or think them unnecessary, but to me they were perfect. the acting, the characterization, the chemistry, their story- it was amazing. is it a coincidence that nina and matthias's story stayed completely true to the books? who knows.

wylan, i missed you so much <3

i just don't understand why they chose to create new plots that added nothing when they could've simply shown their backstories. they could've talked about kaz and jordie, inej and her brother (which was an interesting choice) jesper and his mother, inej and kaz and jesper all meeting each other for the first times, they could have properly explored them as characters- but they didnt. i get that they wanted to combine the two stories but god couldn't they have found some other way to do it? some way that didn't just completely ruin them (mostly kaz and inej) for me? the plot was rushed and poorly done. there are several plot holes i noticed, or things i am very confused on. it would have been a nice balance to have a fast paced plot for the shadow and bone characters, but more of an exploration of character and trauma for the six of crows characters. i am so disappointed.

#lmao can't wait for stans to come at me!!#sab spoilers #sab #shadow and bone #anti sab #ig #sorry besties it aint it for me #i still enjoyed it tho

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blackberry-gingham · 3 years

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Alright y'all, in honor of Valentine's I'm doing a quick break from requests and making a holiday post! Enjoy, and happy Valentine's to all from me AND the boys!

Relationship or not, remember that you are more then enough and I love each and every one of you mwah!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💝💖💗

Imagine: what each of the boys would do as your Valentine

George

George would treat you to an at home spa day!

First things first of course, and that being a nice hot breakfast

But after that, it’s all you baby!!

You guys would take a nice warm (and scented ofc) bath together and just relax and unwind

Then when you’re all nice and clean, you go get changed into what’s most comfortable for you, ie fresh PJs, a robe, ect.

And then back to bed, where George has a whole set up that he’s been planning for you

A fragrent, but not overwhelming candle burns in the corner, offering a low, amber light

Nearby, a slow record plays quietly, adding the perfect amount of white noise to the background

And finally, a few rose petals are scattered on the freshly made bed

George invites you to come lay down, while he works some lavender scented oil into his hands

You can’t hide your excitement as you trot over to the bed and get comfortable

“Stop squirming now, you’ll tense up again!”, George laughs, as he respectfully exposes your back to the cool air

Somehow you manage to settle yourself, and George goes to work, rubbing slowly outward from the base of your spine to the curves of your hips

He repeats this gesture aaaall the way up your spine, placing kisses here and there to your bare skin and using his expert thumbs to gently loosen any knots his palms can’t stretch out

But before moving on, he makes sure to pay extra attention to the stress knots in your shoulder blades until they’re as loose as he can get them

He slides up to your arms, getting all the pressure out of the joints as he rubs from your wrists up, then down to your legs to help relieve the soreness from your day to day hustle and bustle

and when all’s said and done, you feel weightless from the relief and steady massage, ready to go back to sleep

George grabs a nearby blanket and drapes it over you, the warmth helping to lock the oil into your skin and muscles

He lays down beside you and presses a kiss to the apple of your cheek, and with but a soft whisper he says, “Happy Valentine’s, love”

John

For Valentine’s day, John wants to do something extra special!

But what?

He’s pretty good about being sweet and sentimental when he wants to be, but how can he turn that into a gift...

Under normal circumstances, he’d tell you that a day of good behavior on his behalf is a gift in itself

And while that could certainly be true, you deserve better then that

So, he does some thinking and goes for the one gift he can give that few to none have ever received

John works tirelessly and in secret so as to keep it a surprise

Judging on obsession and perfectionist work ethic alone, you would almost mistake him for Paul

But finally, finally it’s all ready to go

You wake up that day like any other, and you almost forget what day it is

John appears to already be awake somewhere in the house considering he’s not beside you

Then, it comes to you

Excited to see if he’s been planning something, you hop out of bed and go off to find him

If he doesn’t have any plans today, you certainly can come up with a few!

John hears you coming and catches you around a corner

You give a yelp of surprise as john picks you up in his strong arms and gives you a spin

He wishes you a good morning and happy valentine’s day followed immediately after by a smattering of kisses before he sets you down

“Now come on, I have a surprise for you!”

John leads you into the living room amd sets you on the couch

Looking a bit antsy, he tells you to close your eyes

You comply, and by now the suspense is killing you

At last John’s footsetps return, “Now promise you won’t laugh, alright?”

You gasp in mock hurt, “I would never!”

John sighs and rolls his eyes, but he suposes that’ll sufice

Fianlly you get to open and you’re... well, you’re lost for words

In John’s arms is a large framed canvas, and painted there upon it is a loving, beautiful rendering of a photogrpah he keeps on his desk

It’s of the first dance you and he ever shared

He carefully guides it into your lap so you can get a better look

“Well? Do you like it?”

You trace your finger ever so lightly along the curve of John’s painted back as he holds you close in the picture still slow dance, a soft smile drawn onto his lips

Tears well up in your eyes as you slowly put the treasured piece down

“John...”, you turn to face him, unable to get the words out

But you don’t have to

John’s expresion softeneds and he leans in for a kiss, “...Happy Valentine’s”

Paul

Paul also has a bit of thinking to do for his gift

His knee jerk response is to dedicate a song to you!

...Again!

And while he does start working on one (for later, of course), he decides perhaps he should think a bit deeper for today

But what can he do that’s more personal then music?

He doesn’t really have much else in the way of outstanding talent

(Or so he thinks)

Well... He definitely knows he wants to produce a labor of love for you

After all, he would go to great extents to make you happy, so whatever he can do to make that happen, he’d gladly do it!

So, he thinks and thinks, and at last it comes to him

He breaks out some paper and some colorful things to write with and sets to work

When the day comes, he preps a little tray of breakfast and nestles his gift to you along with the plate and utensils

“Room service!”, he knocks sharply on the bedroom door and lets himself in without waiting for a response

Slowly, you begin to stir at the disturbance, but you awaken for sure after Paul snaps the shades open

A stream of soft light floods the bedroom, forcing you to get up

“Paul, wha...?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day!”, he happily declares

He swings around to fetch the tray from where he left it, then crosses back over to your bed side

“Here we are!”, Paul lays the tray in your lap, then comes around to sit beside you

“Oh, thank you Paul, this is lovely”, still a bit sleepy, you give him a kiss then pick up your fork and knife

“Wait wait! Look at this first!”, he retrieves a small stack of what appears to be printer paper neatly tied together by the corner

You take it and examine it

The front has a big, poorly drawn heart done in red crayon with you and Paul’s initials written in the middle

Already a smile blooms across your face, which grows into a full laugh as you flip through each page

It’s a little coupon book of romantic favors, all written in assorted, Valentine’s themed colors and messy handwriting

Breakfast in bed, dinner at a restaurant of your choice, a massage, movie night, 5 kisses, and more are among your choices

“Paul, I love it! Thank you...”, you land on a coupon that says 1 makeout session, then shoot him a look

“...Can I redeem this one now?”

Paul glances at it and chuckles, giving you a sly smile, “Hm, I think I can give you that one for free. Just this once...”

Breakfast will have to wait ;)

Ringo

Now, Ringo is a simple man

He loves you very much of course, and would do anything to give you the best day ever!

But considering the gift is supposed to be something of a surprise...

That does complicate things a bit on what he should do for you, given that he can’t, you know, ask

He does a bit of thinking and even asks the other lads for ideas, despite the fact they aren’t much help

“How should we know?”, they say... Can you believe that?

‘How should they know’, how should he know?

So, he invests lots of thought into it...

All the spare brainpower he can muster...

And then... He’s got it!

He has to move quick to get everything together, given that Valentine’s is just around the corner, but he just might manage!

With everything set, he takes some time to get everything together for the big day, all neat and pretty

He even throws in some overtime while you sleep to spruce the place up a bit

The next day you climb out of bed in the morning and make your way downstairs

How strange that Ringo didn’t come to bed last night...

Not that you’re exactly complaining, that is

That man can snore something fierce

Hardly a few steps from the hall to the living room and you can already hear the good old sound of your boyfriend's rhythmic snoring

You yawn, closing your eyes and stretching as you round the corner, “...Dear, are yo-?”

But when you open your eyes, all you see is wall to wall of what appear to be handmade Valentine’s decorations

Sparkly, cut out heart banners, paper steamers, and a few clusters of balloons blown at various sizes are hung randomly around the room

Then, there on the coffee table, a massive bouquet of roses, over a hundred at least, provide a fragrant backdrop to a small teddy bear and a handmade card

You pick up the bear and give it a cuddle, then go for the card

On the front, two stick figures, one of which has been illustrated with quite a comically large nose, stand on a green hill with some hearts floating between them over their connected stick hands

The inside is addressed to you with a simple message of “Happy Valentine’s Day! Peace and love, Ringo”

You gasp and coo at the overwhelmingly sweet gesture, “Oh, Ritchie! Did you do all this yourself?”

Ringo snorts abruptly at the sound of his name and mutters, “Surprise!”, as he falls off the couch with a thump

Groggily, he comes to his senses, “Oh, uh... Happy Valentine’s! Uhm, D-do you like it?”, he asks nervously

You laugh and kneel down, your head hovering just above his as you give his forehead a kiss

“I love it”, you smile, and when you kiss him again, and again, and again, Ringo thinks...

Perhaps he did alright after all

#the beatles #the beatles x reader #john lennon x reader #paul mccartney x reader #ringo starr x reader #george harrison x reader #valentine's day #beatles imagines

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demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 3 years

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I know it's been said before buy I just have to say I know the whole demetri and yasmine plot was just so that all the gay undertones of the rivalry and obsession and tension between Demtri and hawk could be easily overlooked

Lololol Anon you’re not even WRONG

Once they yeeted Moon out of the picture the writers were like “Oh shit, better No Homo it again!!!”

I guess in the writer’s (very feeble) defense, they DID set it up kinda, by having Demetri be like “Wow!!! I’d love to have Yasmine spit in my face!!!” and then very atrociously trying to hit on her at the beach party. But I thought his sorta-crush on her was just supposed to be like...comic relief??? Like “haha look at this nerdy guy being hot for this sexy popular chick he’ll never, ever get, isn’t it good memes???” I mean, him coming on to her at the party and just FAILING at every level was so incredibly funny BECAUSE of how much someone like her was just...never going to go for a dude like that in a million years. Like I thought that was the whole joke??? And Cobra Kai seems a bit more realism-leaning than some teen shows in how the teenagers actually act, so I figured from that angle it was gonna be the trope of “nerdy guy into hot popular bitchy girl” set up...but then, Reality Ensues, and she’s not only not remotely interested, but mildly to moderately disgusted at the idea. And that’s the comedy of it.

So yeah, after Season 1, I thought we were done with that whole arc, and it was literally just like...a joke “love” subplot to balance out the more serious relationship difficulties Miguel was having at the time. But now...Yasmine’s back, I guess??? And she apparently did a full 180 and is sorta nice now and went through a bunch of Character Development offscreen, none of which we got to see? So I GUESS her and Demetri were hinted to eventually become a thing, just like...very, very poorly. And in “hints” I assumed we were in no way meant to take seriously at all.

But yeah, the Yasmine/Demetri thing DOES seem kinda thrown in last-minute, given how finished that arc felt back in s1. And we only ever really get to see Yasmine when she’s interacting with Demetri, so it really feels like she was only brought back to be his love interest, which like...VERY weird flex, Cobra Kai writers, but okay :/

It IS incredibly sus how much time and energy Hawk and Demetri devote to their rivalry in particular, rather than like...idk, moving on with their lives??? Just ignoring each other and doing their own things, now that they are officially no longer bros and are in different friend circles, etc etc? Like they go OUT OF THEIR WAY to fuck with each other when they could just like...chill and move on. Like Demetri, a socially-awkward dude with limited people skills, works up the balls to get onstage and roast Hawk in front of an entire partyful of peers. Hawk SEARCHES THROUGH AN ENTIRE SCHOOL to hunt down Demetri at the school fight. Hawk goes up to Demetri on the first damn day back at school just to GLARE at him ominously (which I also just realized is RIGHT after some freshman girls give Demetri moony looks as they pass--jealous much???) Later on, Hawk coulda ignored Demetri and finished eating lunch with his Cool New Friends, but instead he goes out of his damn way to bust Demetri’s project and then come over and roast him about it. Demetri then eagerly goes over and reciprocates said roasting and spends that entire fucking soccer game tryna screw with Hawk in particular. They fricken almost IMMEDIATELY go for each other in the Golf N Stuff fight, IIRC. Really, they devote more time and energy to each other and their Rivalry™️ than either does to like...any other character? Like are Eli’s thoughts 90% “what’s the next thing I can do to fuck with Demetri?” Are Demetri’s thoughts 90% “what’s the next thing I can do to fuck with Eli?” Because like...I just don’t think obsessing over another man that much, even in a negative context...is very straight XD

There’s also the fact that their arcs are WAY more intertwined with each other’s than ANY girl either of them dates or interacts with. I mean ffs, Moon dumped Hawk BECAUSE of how he treated Demetri--even Hawk’s supposed Straight Romantic Subplot™️ ties directly back into Demetri! And the only reason Demetri joins Miyagi-Do at ALL and doesn’t just like...fade into the background in Season 2 is to show HAWK SPECIFICALLY that he can “fight back.” And later we have DEMETRI being the one to make Hawk realize he’s gone too far with Cobra Kai (i.e. his guilt after breaking Demetri’s arm) and ultimately being the catalyst that makes Hawk SWITCH SIDES! I honestly think every major point of development for both characters directly involves the other in some way--you could even argue Eli initially becomes “Hawk” in part because Demetri quits Cobra Kai, and isn’t around to stick up for him anymore--so he has to find another way to protect himself from bullying. Even their sense of “dojo rivalry” is mostly just about each other--Hawk’s animosity toward Miyagi-Do lowkey seems to stem almost entirely from Demetri in particular joining it and “betraying” him, while Demetri’s animosity toward Cobra Kai basically entirely comes from Cobra Kai taking Eli away from him. I literally like...cannot think of a single thing in either of their developments that doesn’t tie into the other in a major way.

Like to put it plainly, Moon and Yasmine feel like a single step in each of the boys’ character journeys--a single turning point to spur them in a certain direction. But Demetri and Hawk just...ARE each other’s character journeys. They’re not a step for the other to discover something about themself or get pushed in a certain direction--they just ARE the entire arc for each other, if that makes any sense. Like you could argue BOTH Demetri and Eli/Hawk’s arcs like 90% center on how to navigate their relationship when Eli gains confidence and their interests diverge and they no longer need each other the way they used to. Like??? Name ONE aspect of either of their arcs that doesn’t tie directly into their undying gay love friendship in some way??? It’s INCREDIBLY integral to both their stories and is just...SO much more compelling to watch than either of them making out with hot girls at parties or in the hallway. And them repairing their relationship and/or evolving it as needed, realizing that they love each other too much to let one another go, even if they’re both somewhat different after everything??? And realizing it’s a romantic kinda undying love they’re feeling, because really, what good reason is there for it NOT to be??? We HAVE enough male characters in media already with strictly platonic/brotherly friendships, why not just let two male characters with a compelling story, a strong prior friendship, and REALLY good romantic chemistry just like...be gay??? It feels natural, it’s a good ending to their arc, it feels narratively satisfying in a “Finally having the ‘will they or won’t they’ couple get together” kinda way...why not do it??? It makes ALL the damn sense and would be incredibly thematically interesting and SATISFYING, but y’all writers are COWARDS DAMMIT

Just gonna make that crack ship from Season 1 canon so we can prove that Demetri isn’t gay, no sir??? No Homo my guy??? We can only have one (1) LGBT character per television show, or the “traditional values” viewers will come for us???

Pre Season 3 I honest to god was hoping that part of Demetri’s arc, if he ran into Yasmine again, would be him realizing that he could honestly do better than someone that bitchy and vile, and having enough self-respect to just...lose interest in someone who’s going to push him around, act like he’s beneath her, and talk smack about his friends the second she thinks they’re “lame.” Maybe it isn’t too late though, and we’ll see this in Season 4? Here’s to hoping, because I am going to THROW HANDS if this fricken pairing is ENDGAME endgame. Like...what even do these people have in common, besides getting wedgies??? Do they even have like...any of the same interests??? At all??? How are they going to build a lasting relationship off of...both having gotten a wedgie? And being mean to people sometimes, I guess?

Like, sure. Let them date for a bit--they’re horny teens, they’re prone to jumping into relationships for not exactly the most deep and meaningful reasons. Physical attraction, teenage horniness, and raging hormones are no joke. So sure, I can see them having a fling solely because they both think the other’s hot. But you wanna tell me they’d LAST??? No SIR, I must inform you I Do Not Buy it.

(Tfw you meant to do a short ask making memes about what a crackship Demetri/Yasmine was in Season 1 and you ended up having WAY too much to say about All The Things and now it’s 3 am and you’re typing like a madman. I probably cycled back across the same 5 points like 5 times each because it’s late and I’m not thinking straight, I apologize.)

#hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmeat #demetri x hawk #eli x demetri #elimetri #demetri cobra kai #eli moskowitz #hawk #yasmine cobra kai #moon cobra kai #cobra kai #cobra kai season 1 #cobra kai season 2 #cobra kai season 3 #my askbox

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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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On The Shadow’s “new” backstory

Poke around any discussion of The Shadow and the movie in particular and you’re gonna find a lot of contention regarding the movie’s biggest shift from the source material, that was inventing a whole new backstory for the character where, prior to being The Shadow, he used to be a murderous warlord on Tibet who was kidnapped by monks and forced to undergo redemption and put his skills to fight evil.

It was not a popular decision at the time, to put it mildly. It didn’t do anything to improve the film (that text crawl really shoots the entire film in the foot), it soured a lot of fan opinions on the whole thing, and yet it’s become such a fixture of every story told with the character since then, that odds are most people think this is just what he always like, that this lip-service about redemption and being a former bastard turned hero was always what the character “was about”.

I have some complicated thoughts on it and how it’s affecte Shadow stories since then, most of whom are negative, but the thing is, I get where it’s coming from. I get why they felt the need to change his origin like that, and why it’s stuck around.

In the pulps, The Shadow’s backstory was, to sum it up, that he was a spy who went to war, learned a lot of skills and did a lot of things, and then pivoted to fighting crime in the late thirties. That was the backstory of most 30s American pulp heroes, actually, give or take a couple of differences. And for a pulp hero, it works. But modern audiences have been taught to expect more.

The movie, in trying to repackage the character for a modern audience, in turning The Shadow into a superhero so he could survive in a 90s blockbuster landscape, needed an appropriately punchy superhero backstory. Superhero backstories tend to be, in general, all about a dramatic hook that simplifies their motivations, powerset or life stories into a one-sentence pitch. Batman lost his parents in a brutal mugging as a child and swore to stop that from happening to others. Spider-Man’s uncle died because of his irresponsibility. Ben Grimm gained superpowers from space rays like his friends, except he got turned into a deformed rock monster who can never look normal again. Bruce Banner got caught in an atomic blast that made him into an unkillable rage monster. A dramatic transgression happened, they must correct it by becoming dramatic figures themselves.

They’ve made 3 John Wick movies with little more motivation to the central character other than “they killed his dog in the first movie”. That’s not a dismissal, it’s just effective storytelling. We don’t need more motivation for John Wick, we don’t need Batman flashbacks in every film, we get a one-sentence hook for a tangible, grounded motivation that lets the characters hit the ground running. “Used to be a savage murderous warlord, now applies said savagery to killing criminals” is a simple, easily understood pitch that’s considerably more dramatic than his former backstory. It works as a superhero backstory, and you can argue it’s even somewhat thematically fitting, since “a villain who turns evil against evil” has been part of The Shadow’s concept from day one.

So what’s the problem with it?

Well, for one, The Shadow is not a superhero. He doesn’t look like them, he doesn’t act like them, he doesn’t live in their world. They can try and turn him into one, and they have done that several times, but the character’s core traits, central appeal and identity are not only considerably older than the superhero, they run directly counter to what defines a superhero. The movie that tried turning him into a superhero was a box office and critical failure, and the Dynamite comics have largely just succeeded at keeping the character in the fringes of the public eye and nothing more. If turning The Shadow into a superhero was intended to revitalize his success to modern audiences, it clearly hasn’t worked in over two decades, despite superheroes being more popular than ever before. It’s kept him on little more than life support.

And two, one of the very problems of trying to turn The Shadow into a superhero, and give him an ultra-dramatic superhero backstory pitch, is because it runs counter to a cornerstone of The Shadow’s appeal: the mystery. Superheroes have to pull double duty in being both the impressive, great warriors and forces of change within a story, as well as being our relatable, POV protagonist whose struggles we relate to. The Shadow, in the pulps, split that balance, between himself, and the agents and protagonists of any given Shadow story. @oldschoolcrimefighters has brilliant writings on The Shadow and his agents that inspired me to do this blog in the first place and you should all read, and I’m going to quote this one in particular:

“..modern storytelling focuses more on characterization rather than plot. I think a lot of creators come at The Shadow with that in mind, and with a mindset built on other comics and properties: the titular character is the one to focus on. And the radio show, movie(s), and comics – the most readily available mediums for research – don’t do much to disabuse them of this idea.

So creators shine the spotlight on The Shadow. They try to humanize him, make him into someone we the readers will empathize with and relate to and root for and all that jazz. They give him motivations and backstories and banter, a token romantic interest (Margo) and sometimes sidekick (usually Moe) to bounce exposition off of and provide comic relief.

The Shadow doesn’t take kindly to spotlights. And even if he did, let’s be real, he’s not the most relatable dude. He’s a power fantasy. (And there’s nothing wrong with that.)

Whether or not he should be humanized at all is a touchy subject – I personally think the pulps portray him as a far more empathetic, fallible, playful being than people give them credit for. The thing is, when the pulps humanize him, it’s in a particular context. It’s in his relationships with other characters – especially the supporting cast – that his humanity shines.”

And that brings to the third problem: The Shadow doesn’t need a backstory that takes up so much screentime and focus. It has never factored into what made the character popular in his prime. In the pulps, we jumped right into his presence in the lives of others and his adventures, with only very sparse information about his past delivered every couple dozen books or so. It took over 131 novels for the name “Kent Allard” to even show up with a “proper” backstory, and even then, it consisted of little more than stuff we’d already been told prior about him (he was in the war, he used to be a spy, he traveled around the world with false names). And after a couple dozen stories, Kent Allard appeared less and less, about as often as the fake identity of Henry Arnaud, to the point the final Gibson stories omit him all together and even point to Lamont Cranston as the “true” identity of The Shadow. Kent Allard was just a name he went by a few times, and nothing more.

The most popular version of the character by far, the radio show, didn’t even have that. We knew nothing about the radio Shadow’s backstory other than some of his travels in the past he’d mention on certain episodes and what the opening narration told you. He was our POV protagonist in those episodes far more so in the pulps, and yet, clearly they must have been doing something right, if audiences never once missed the fact that they knew next to nothing about who he used to be before.

The very reason The Shadow became a character in the first place was because of popularity. It was because listeners tuning in to Detective Story Hour found themselves faced with the sibilant, cruel, snake-like whispery taunts of a narrator who talked and acted like no one they had heard announce other radio shows, who was easily the most interesting part of the shows he announced, and whose voice and personality held them in such fascination, even when he was literally nothing but a voice and a personality, that they started demanding to hear more of him, asking for stories starring this dark prince of radio that lived so vividly in their brains, that they didn’t notice, or care, that such stories about him didn’t exist yet.

And when he was turned into a crimefighting character, his backstory was built in a way that allowed Gibson and any future writers to play around with and insert events and adventures as they saw fit. His adventures with the Tsar in Russia, his travels to India, Africa, Tibet, his war experiences, unrecorded adventures with allies and agents and villains of any kind, his post-war travels as Kent Allard, whatever happened in the years between his crash in the Yucatan and his arrival in America. Hell, if you want to have a period where he really loses it and does immoral things he isn’t proud of, there’s any number of periods you can insert mistakes and bad decisions that would define his actions years down the lane. It was a sandbox of any possibilities, grounded to a strong character who we could follow into any adventure because we’d be interested in learning more about him.

A good backstory helps, and The Shadow’s motivation was grounded to it, but it was never a necessary component to his popularity. It was never something that needed much focus beyond the sparse information. When handled poorly, a backstory only really threatens to taint that appeal, and that’s what happened.

The “hook” that got audiences to pay attention to The Shadow was his sinister personality and charismatic cruelty. That was what they came for. What got them to stay, and read the stories and form lifelong devotions to the character and his adventures, was discovering that this personality belonged to a character who was, utterly, on the side of good, who used his skills and powers of great villainy to protect innocents, to help and uplift people just like the readers and listeners. That dual nature was a big part of why The Shadow was so enduring and popular in his prime, part of what set him apart from all of his contemporaries and imitators.

It’s hardly much of a contrast, hardly much of a fascinating and layered character that we want to learn about or spend time with, if he was just always a horrible villain who is only marginally less horrible now, is it? A Shadow who used to be every bit the horrible villain he looks and acts like isn’t really that interesting, it’s just what you’d expect from him at first glance. What’s the point of caring about a man trying to regain his humanity, if we never get to see much of that humanity in the first place? What’s the point of even going into his past if we know all about it?

What’s the point of taking this backstory that was all about open possibilities for storytellers, all about covering the intricate life of a complex and strong character, to reduce it into a quick, punchy one-sentence summation that simply sets down a baseline for all future stories to repeat ad nauseum?

It’s not that I don’t think you can tell stories about The Shadow’s backstory, quite the opposite. It’s not that I don’t think the character having a strong “hook” for audiences is unneccessary (he already has). And it’s not that I don’t think he needs a motivation (he already has). But I have to ask:

What’s the point of shining a spotlight on a shadow, if not to eliminate it?

#the shadow #the shadow essays #pulp heroes #pulp fiction #pulp #lamont cranston #kent allard

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fernrisulfr · 3 years

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Unpopular FGO Opinion/Rant 2: Bio-Diesel Boogaloo

My second unpopular opinion, though I’ve seen more agreement to this, and there’s a post somewhere that I reblogged which gives a much more comprehensive explanation as to why this is, but “Lostbelt 3: Synchronized Intellectual Nation, SIN” is bad. There’s a few reasons it’s bad. I will however say this first. Everything about Spartacus? Was good. It was very good. This was a Lostbelt that showed just what Spartacus can be to the narrative. He can be more than just manically shouting about “OPPRESION!!!” in the right setting. My significant other was right when she said the reason he had to die so early in Apocrypha was because had he lived any longer than that, he absolutely would have joined Sieg in starting a Homunculus rebellion.

So why is Lostbelt 3 bad? A few things. One is that the narrative is very poorly managed. It starts very slow, and almost nothing introduced in the first half actually goes anywhere. Then when we hit the second half of the story the narrative suddenly goes “Oh shit! We’re half done! Better pick up the pace!” and jams it’s foot on the accelerator so that things escalate so quickly barely any of it has time to matter.

Focusing on the first half of the story, that Vitch was releasing beasts and giants on villages, a point which took up a large chunk of the story, actually went NOWHERE. It really had nothing to do with the story, and the quests themselves brought me back to Orleans where every node and notch was “Here’s two blocks of dialogue. Now fight some Wyverns!”. It was a massive backwards step in FGO’s storytelling. Another issue is that in every Lostbelt so far they’ve tried to give us some sidekick from the world we’re going to prune so we can feel bad about it later, but the one in Lostbelt 3, which he at least got eyes unlike the other anonymous villagers, the kid didn’t even get a NAME. How are we supposed to care about a character with no name and almost no personality to speak of? The kid was quite literally barely more than a generic NPC.

Speaking of generic NPCs. Let’s talk about how DEEPLY Lostbelt 3 mistreated it’s characters, which is the real crux of why Lostbelt 3 is bad. So Nezha and Mordred just did not matter at all, to the extent they literally got shoved out of the story part way in. Mordred was there for comparison and pairing with Spartacus, but the moment he died she became unimportant and basically didn’t do anything. Nezha started off alright, but then the moment other characters showed up she was likewise shoved to the side, and ultimately out of the story. She basically existed solely to identify that Xiang Yu was a similar existence to herself. Speaking of, Xiang Yu and Yu Mei-ren’s romance was completely unbelievable. For multiple reasons. Again there’s another tumblr post by someone who’s put more thought into this than I, that explains this better. I’ll try and find it and reblog it again. Anyway. It’s bad and unbelievable. I’ll try to summarize why. Part of the problem is that there’s no real build up to it. It’s a lot of Mei-ren fawning over or being overtly protective of Xiang, and Xiang just being confused. It’s entirely one-sided till almost the end of the story. Then he just does some magic robot calculations and he decides he loves her just like the other Xiang Yu. Which is the other thing the narrative doesn’t pay enough attention to in this “romance”. HE’S NOT THE SAME GUY. Like he’s the “same guy” but an alternate reality version. Mei-ren basically found her husband’s doppleganger and decided to cling to him hoping it’d be the same/because she couldn’t bare to watch another man with that face die. Which could have been very interesting! Really! But it wasn’t paid enough attention to or written properly to BE interesting. Honestly the relationship between Xiang and Mei-ren could have formed an emotional backbone to the story, and instead it’s just kinda off to the side and comes up occasionally, but it’s “super important really!” by the end of the story.

Related to this is also Gao Changgong, Prince of Lanling, who was UTTERLY UNIMPORTANT. Like he should have been! The Lostbelt started off super strong with that exchange between Gao and Mei-ren in the past, and then the narrative did nothing with it. Gao barely said anything the whole Lostbelt when he should have been more relevant to the plot! He should have been a confidante to Mei-ren! It should have come up that he was happy to be able to see her again in “another life” (such as being a Servant is like living again, albeit briefly). He should have been more involved with Mei-ren and Xiang Yu! Like it could have been done so many ways! He could have been her wingman! Or he could have been her confidante who she talked to about her struggle with Xiang Yu being Xiang Yu but not being HER Xiang Yu. Instead he just didn’t do much, died earlier than any Crypter servant so far in their own Lostbelt, and became utterly irrelevant.

Red Hare and Chen Gong appeared part way into the story, and served no purpose beyond being Comic Relief, which was a real disservice; especially because their summoning was supposed to be important. It follows after the death of Spartacus, where the Lostbelt suddenly becomes connected to the throne of Heroes because the people regain hope and the concept of a Hero. Their arrival is SIGNIFICANT and then the narrative goes on to do nothing with them. Literally anyone could have been summoned and it would have played out the same. That’s how much their appearance mattered.

Old Man Li was there, but he also didn’t matter. Specifically it didn’t matter that he was Old Man Li. It doesn’t even come up. It literally could have been anyone. Could have been just some dude, and narratively it would have been the same.

Which is largely the biggest problem with the narrative. Most of the Servants/Characters present could have been literally anyone and it would have been almost exactly the same. Who anyone was largely did not matter.

Now let’s address the insect in the room, Emperor Mothman himself, Shi Huang Di. He was bad. Not like “he was a bad guy”. I mean he was just bad. Poorly written and uninteresting. He was unsympathetic and poorly written. Now. Let me be clear, a villain doesn’t need to be sympathetic. My problem here is that he was unsympathetic, but at the very end of the story they tried to act like he was. I felt nothing for this character, and still do not. He was poorly written and the aspects of him that could have been interesting were under utilized. Also not a fan of his design personally, or at least not compared to images I’ve seen of what he apparently looked like before he became a super-computer, followed by his new moth bod. That’s just a matter of personal preference though and I have no real issues with his physical design. Point is he’s boring. Like everyone else in the story, and despite being there for most of it, he was under utilized, didn’t do much, and his role could have been filled by just about anyone and it would have played out the same.

And that’s my rant. There’s honestly more to criticize, like the unnecessary on screen torture of Vitch, the generic battles, everything about Liangyu, but I am starting to lose my motivation two rants in, and I fear anything I say at this point will just be me repeating myself. My point is, Lostbelt 3 is bad, and of the first three lostbelts it’s narratively the weakest. (Lostbelt 2 had a LOT of problems, but it was still better. I am at least a little biased though due to a love of Norse Mythology and Sigurd, though those things also make me about three times as judgey as a normal person.). Anyway. Lostbelt 3 bad. That’s just my opinion. Agree or Disagree, you’re entitled to feel what you do about the matter.

#FGO #FGO SIN #FGO lostbelt 3 #Yu Mei-ren #Xiang Yu #Prince of Lanling #Gao Changgong #Liangyu #Red Hare #Chen Gong #Spartacus #Mordred #Nezha #Emperor Mothman #Shi Huang Di #Lostbelt 3 is bad #Unpopular opinion #FGO Rant

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tttinytrash · 4 years

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((Ok so in my head Blue is a reluctant pred. He likes it, but it takes a lot to make him not just feel overwhelmingly guilty about enjoying this even if it’s safe. So have some Swap Sans vore! I wanted to play more with the pred’s pov since my last couple were more prey focused. Also sorry for making it a not romantic thing but my ace butt prefers it that way. Friends should be able to cuddle friends, dammit! But I guess if you wanna you can squint and just assume Blue has a budding crush and/or is in denial of a crush. Regardless, enjoy!))

Sans was so pleased with his and his brother’s house on the Surface. It was about the size of their home back in Snowdin and even better, it came with a new friend! The little borrower in their walls, a female named Lark, had lived there before the two moved in and had been quickly sussed out between the skelebrothers. (Benefits of magic.) After some tension in the beginning, she was now almost part of family! She was certainly the best roommate Sans could have asked for.

She loved hiding in Sans’ bandanna to go with him on his morning run, and was glad to help with cleaning the nooks and crannies Sans was unable to reach. But she also loved taking naps and staying up late with Papyrus, and finally gave the taller brother a run for his money in his video games (after Undyne made them a properly sized controller). Their interests were a harmonious blend between the brothers which meant she’d be equally likely to be found perched on the shoulder of either brother whenever she wasn’t taking time for herself in her holes in the walls.

As for right now, she was laid on Papyrus’ sternum. Sans was slouched in the corner of the couch, and Papyrus pillowed his skull on a cushion laid in Sans’ lap. They were all watching a movie, and apparently all three had underestimated how gory the horror film would be. Papyrus was the least affected, but Sans was a wreck and the borrower was only mildly better. When Lark cracked and ducked to hide in Papyrus’ hoodie pocket Sans used it as an excuse to quit before the end.

“THOSE HIGH RATINGS WERE SO MISLEADING, THAT WAS AWFUL!” Sans declared in disgust, relieved beyond words that the horrible movie was gone. (No. He was not suppressing the sounds of his bones rattling, thank you.)

“yeah, not my cup of tea either.” Papyrus then directed his attention to his pocket, patting it lightly and asking “you wanna stay in there, tiny tot?”

Sans didn’t hear it, but could tell the answer was an affirmative as Papyrus mounted the stairs.

Sans finished putting the room back in order and trotted up after his brother, going into his own room to get ready for bed. It was pretty late after all, and he had to wake up bright and early to get a head start on his training!

Once he could no longer distract himself with bedtime prep and cleaning, however, Sans quickly found he couldn’t get the film out of his mind. It felt like the worst scenes were imprinted in the back of his eyelids. Ugh, he didn’t want to be alone.

To Paps’ room he went, relieved to see the light of his computer shining dimly from under the door. He wasn’t asleep then, yet. He reluctantly opened the door and froze at the sight before him.

Papyrus was sat at his PC, still in his hoodie but he’d at least switched to PJ pants. This was normal, Papyrus did have a tendency to do most of his sleeping in the form of daytime naps rather than at night. No, what shocked Sans was seeing the borrower sized pair of legs hanging out of his brother’s mouth. He couldn’t help the horrified gasp when those legs disappeared with the quiet sound of a gulp.

The gasp obviously alerted Papyrus to Sans’ presence, and he greeted “hey bro. how long you been there?” He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, and Sans didn’t miss that he appeared to be swiping his thumb over his belly under the cover of the fabric.

“LONG ENOUGH! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!” Sans fully entered, obviously confused and flustered.

Papyrus shrugged. “they asked.”

“WHAT?!”

“they asked me to take em in, bro. they wanted to hide. what’s with you? you know this is safe, i used to take you in too.”

“YES, YOU’RE RIGHT. BUT I WAS A BABYBONES!”

Papyrus just looked at Sans, shrugging again. He turned back to his computer.

Sans left, movie forgotten completely. He was eventually able to fall asleep, but spent far longer than he’d admit thinking about it and feeling guilty about blowing up like that. He KNEW it was safe, like Paps had said. So why did it bug him so much? Sleep came before an answer, unfortunately.

------

Breakfast the next morning was something Sans wasn’t particularly looking forward to. He made an extra effort to make a lavish assortment of waffles, cut fruit, and even made pancakes with M&Ms tossed in the batter like he knew Papyrus liked.

Papyrus eventually came downstairs, Lark carried in his cupped hand. The smell of cooking food usually woke him up, and if the borrower had followed his sleep schedule she was ordinarily dragged along. They both perked up at seeing the spread before them, before the lanky brother seemed to catch on to his sibling’s bribery.

“apology breakfast, bro?”

Sans sighed and faced his brother, gloved hand wringing the hem of his apron, “YES. I OVERREACTED LAST NIGHT AND I AM VERY SORRY. WHAT FRIENDS OR DATEMATES DO BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IS THEIR BUSINESS.”

Both Papyrus and Lark laughed at that. Before Sans had the chance to be insulted Papyrus explained.

“bro, nah. w-we’re just buds.”

“Nothing there, Sans. Promise. Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous, now.” she added.

“I AM NOT!” Sans squeaked, blush tinging his cheekbones.

She was still laughing, giggling a little extra in fact as she teased “You wanna give it a go, there Sans?” Snicker, “Need tummy cuddles too?”

Sans felt his eyelights go out and the blue glow of a blush burning his whole skull. Amid the uproar of laughter, he swiped the plate he’d set out for himself (waffles with strawberries on top) and skittered retreated up to his room.

He heard their laughter, and will admit he felt relief when he heard his brother called up “sorry, bro. but now we’re even, yeah?”

However, that relief that his breakfast gesture had worked was completely overshadowed by shame. Oh gosh please no, that feeling can’t be right can it? She hadn’t meant it, but she was right.

Sans did want to try it.

Delta help him.

------

The thought had been creeping into his mind no matter how much he tried to sweep it under the rug throughout his whole morning jog. He even ran an extra mile, but couldn’t outrun the problem. She hadn’t come with him this morning, so he found her instead on the coffee table when he came back. Papyrus was up taking a nap apparently, snd she was playing a game on her own.

“Hey Sans, wanna play? There’s a co-op mode!~” She called, having paused the game.

Ugh, he couldn’t stand to look at her now. His tongue had even manifested unbidden. “N-NO. SORRY. I’M SPARRING ALPHYS TODAY, AND I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE LATE!”

She bought the lie, and he got out of the house with no issue.

...But he had no plans with Alphys, no errands to run, but also couldn’t go home.

Well crap.

He’d ended up at the Librarby. He ended up there a lot the past couple of days. He knew Papyrus and Lark were getting concerned, but didn’t know what else he could do.

For now, he was home. When his brother was around he could forget the intrusive thoughts. Just being alone with her was the trouble. So he was happy to watch another movie, and this one was absolutely making up for the awful horror movie that had afflicted their last movie night.

Eventually, the singing humans finished the closing number, and the credits began to roll. So Sans cleaned up the room, and Papyrus trundled up the steps with the borrower cupped in his hands. Once he was done cleaning, Sans bounded up the steps himself and dipped into the bathroom to swap into his pajamas.

Lark was sitting on his pillow when he entered his room.

Sans would deny the startled squeak that slipped out when he caught sight of her til he dusted, but she didn’t even look amused. That didn’t bode well.

“Sans, is there anything wrong?” she asked.

“WHAT? N-NO! WHAT MAKES YOU ASK THAT? I HAVE BEEN ACTING EXTREMELY NORMAL!” Sans lied. Poorly, he knew.

“Sans. We both know thats not true. Did I do something wrong? Because you’ve been avoiding me. Paps noticed, too.”

“YOU’VE DONE NOTHING, EVERYTHING IS FINE!”

“...is it about Papyrus taking me in?”

Sans couldn’t actually muster words, just feeling his magic heat his cheekbones uselessly.

She sighed. “If it really bothers you that bad, we’ll stop. It’s not worth losing a friend, ok?”

“N-no... that’s not it...” Sans had even lost his usual volume, which made her take notice.

“Then what, Sans? I’ve been wracking my brain for days.”

Sans finally sat on the end of the bed. “...It was taking in stuff... But I’m not upset about you two doing it. It’s what you said that morning.” Sans felt so vulnerable, but as she’d put it, this wasn’t worth losing a friend.

“What? About you wanting to too? Oh, I went too far teasing you didn’t I? I’m sorry, I’ll lay off-”

“You were right.”

She faltered. “What?”

“I can’t stop wondering what it’s like. I’ve never taken anyone in before, and you two so clearly enjoy it. But I would never want to make you, So I’ve been trying to avoid the issue. But I think I just ended up avoiding you. I’m sorry.”

She looked confused for a solid few seconds, then slumped and gave a comically loud sigh of relief, even punctuated with a breathy giggle. “That’s all?”

Sans was now even more uncomfortable. “Yes?”

“Dude, then take me in! I’m fine! If that’s all the issue is, that’s such an easy fix.” She even took the extra initiative to bound over the span of the bed, straight for the skeleton before her. She only stopped a few inches short when she realized he was recoiling.

“Oh. It’s an easy fix for me, not so much for you. Huh, bud?” She asked quietly.

Sans made an unhappy noise, and that was answer enough.

“Ok. If the problem is me not wanting to, that’s clearly not an issue. Is it nerves because you don’t know what to do? I can walk you through it. Really, Sans, I actively want to do this, because maybe it’ll help close the gap we made between us. If you really don’t want to, then that’s fine too but just know the reluctance isn’t on my end, ok? I love and trust you just as much as Papyrus. Promise.”

Sans forced himself to relax, and cycled a breath. Thinking about it, he had no reason to refuse. And honestly, he would be happy to put his self-quarantine to an end. So he nodded. “Ok, but only if you’re sure.”

“Yep!” They beamed up at him, reaching upwards in a clear request to be picked up.

He gently cupped his hands around them and lifted them off the mattress, up to his face. “Ok, what do I do?”

“Why don’t you open up? I’ll get in myself, just bring your hand close ok?”

Sans had to take a moment to breathe, but did open up his mouth. His tongue had manifested itself by this point, so that wasn’t an issue. But that also meant he felt and tasted their hands when they were set down. He was going cross eyed to watch her progress as much as the angle allowed, but she seemed to have no issue and slid in easily. He was surprised by the lack of friction, honestly.

She scooted a bit father forward, making him lose sight of her feet, and called “Alright, go ahead and close your mouth. Makes the next part easier.”

He did so slowly, and felt butterflies knowing what the “next part” was.

“Good, you’re doing fine. Now tilt your head back, just til I start to slide back. Once I hit the back you can swallow.”

Sans tipped his skull back ever so slowly, until he felt her weight shift backwards. Once she hit the opening of his throat he instinctively gulped, which caused him to jolt a bit in surprise.

He felt the magical tubing thread along the front of his cervical vertebrae, felt the weight of her body tugging downwards, every little twitch of her tiny body. His fingers flew up to his neck, fingers ghosting over her form contained within himself, until he lost her progress under his clavicles.

It almost felt like his soul was gently bumped aside to allow her to pass through his chest, which left a calm fuzzy feeling. He felt a slight pressure at the top of his belly, then she spilled in fully.

His soul fluttered like a caged bird, could she hear that? Feel it? He pulled the hem of his shirt up, making his magic transparent so he could check on her.

“A-are you alright?” he asked, watching her reorient in the new space.

“Peachy! You did it, Sans.” She smiled up at him, utterly at ease.

Seeing that she hadn’t been harmed, his soul settled into a more typical rhythm. “I did, thank you for helping. Please let me know if you want out, alright?”

“Will do. Glad to see you’re calming down.”

“You could tell?”

“Can’t hide much from this perspective. I could hear how uneven your breathing was. Here, maybe this will help to wind down.”

What was she doing? Ooh, he loves the shocks he got when she moved. Her hands were on the floor now, she started to move her hands in circular patterns...? Oh.

Sans melted. That was such a nice feeling, who knew his belly was so sensitive? He dropped his shirt, letting his magic go opaque.

“That’s really nice, wowie. Is it ok if I move though?” He asked.

“Go for it. Lie down if you want.”

He did just that, getting under the covers. He felt her slide around, and once she seemed to resettle, she resumed her rubbing.

Sans purred, which she giggled at. He was feeling far too good to care, dignity be hanged. He laid a hand over where she rested, doing his best to run at where he thought her back was. He felt her lean into the indirect touch, which made him smile.

“Y’know, I can stay overnight if you want.” Lark piped up after a few minutes of silence (barring the happy skeleton sounds).

“I think I’d like that.” Sans replied, feeling pretty sleepy. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable?”

“Oh yeah, no issue there. You guys are pretty cushy inside, despite the boney exterior.”

Sans chuckled at that. “Ah, good.”

She stopped rubbing (which he was a little sad about) and moved until he felt her weight go still by his spine.

She fell asleep quickly, her weight going limp and heartbeat (which he could feel if he concentrated) slowed.

A very content skeleton followed his tiny friend into the land of nod not long after.

#undertail vore #undertail underswap vore #soft vore #safe vore #extreme cuddling #willing vore #reluctant pred

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wicked-game-black-butler · 4 years

Text

Themes of Kuroshitsuji

So, before I start on the specifics of the analysis, here's a little *chimes sounding* story time. I found Kuroshitsuji about six years ago on a whim because Netflix kept suggesting it and I figured “A dark, supernatural, Victorian anime? Sounds right up my alley”. At the time, only the first two seasons of the anime were available and, even though I’m not sure it’s a very popular opinion, I honestly don’t know why I watched it all the way through...I think it was more of a "well, I started this, so I might as well see it through" sort of thing.

Anyway, the first two seasons contained a lot of the content that I've seen those within and without the fandom take issue with (and that I didn't feel comfortable with, either): the sexualization of minors and of traumatic abuse, the minimization of the dark content of the series (sexual, physical, emotional abuse; grief; abusive relationships, etc.) through comedy and the like, and the sexual undertones of the relationships of the main characters (both minors) and their demon butlers. Needless to say, this put me off the series and I just wrote it off as a story that had potential, but was executed poorly. Fast forward three years to when I was talking with a friend about mangas she would recommend. I asked if she had heard of Black Butler because I was curious to see if the manga was anything like the anime. Since she wasn't really familiar with the manga, I decided to give it a go. At first I was disappointed, as I saw several of the topics I took issue with in the first two seasons of the anime appear in the manga, however, as I made it to the Book of Circus Arc, I noticed a significant tonal change in the story. Gone was the overly comical handling of the obviously dark material of the story, and I fell in love and have followed it ever since.

Kuroshitsuji is a story that I don't automatically recommend to others, not because I don't think it's a good story, but because of nature of the themes it addresses-I definitely would not recommend this manga for children. However, I believe that the themes and questions that are addressed are ones that, as humans, we should take the time to consider.

Trauma-There are few characters in Kuroshitsuji that have not experienced some sort of trauma in their lives, but this is acutely realized with some of the younger characters. O!Ciel and R!Ciel were kidnapped after their family was brutally murdered, tortured, and sexually abused. Sieglinde was brainwashed, emotionally manipulated, and used by those around her for her prodigious intelligence. Finny was a product of scientific experiments and was forced to perform horrendous acts while he was in custody. Mey-Rin was forced to make her own way on the streets of London, witnessed the murder of her two young friends, and was coerced into serving a drug lord who only wanted her for her abilities. The main cast of Noah's Arc circus were outcasts of society, forced to scrape by on the streets until they were taken in by Baron Kelvin and manipulated into serving his abominable desires. Throughout this series we are shown how people are shaped by the trauma they experience in life and how that affects their behavior moving forward.

Abuse- The examples I listed above are just some of the examples of abuse (sexual, physical, and mental) that are showcased in this story. Another one I will add is the relationship between O!Ciel and Sebastian. Their relationship, while on the surface, has the appearance of being beneficial and is sometimes used for comic relief, however, the truth is far more sinister. Sebastian uses O!Ciel, manipulating and cultivating his soul into the perfect meal to sate his hunger once the contract is complete. He has no concern for O!Ciel's well being outside of what is essential to keep the young master alive, even sometimes taking pleasure in his physical pain and suffering, save it is not life threatening. He often times blames the earl for the unfortunate things that happen to him. Their relationship is toxic, each other using the other as a means to an end.

Relative morality and the nature of evil- Throughout the series, we encounter characters and situations that makes the reader question their moral beliefs and what they believe to be truly evil. The Noah's Arc circus troupe kidnaps children who are then used in experiments, abused, and eventually killed or left so traumatized that they could never return to a normal life-but they did so because they were trying to protect the children from the factory and their own troupe, who were the only family they ever knew. This raises the question of which is more important, the greater portion of society or the people you love? O!Ciel commits violent acts, cold blooded murder, is consumed by his pursuit of revenge, and deceives and uses those around him. However, he is doing so in an effort to seek justice for the atrocities committed against him, touching on the debate of how far are we willing to justify the actions of someone who has been shaped by the things that are done to them. Sebastian is cultivating the soul of a thirteen year old boy so he can eat it when the contract is completed. However, given that he's a demon, the question is raised if he is really evil because he is simply acting within the confines of his nature. He has to eat to survive, so he is merely doing what he must. (Just a note, I'm not saying I agree/disagree with any of these points, I'm just mentioning them because they are questions the story poses)

The deceptive nature of beauty- This one is fairly simple to describe, but look at how Yana draws the characters...they are all beautiful, especially those who are evil/the most morally grey. Unlike in stories like Lord of the Rings, Yana's villains aren't twisted or ugly or have the appearance that screams "hey, I'm evil!", rather, it's quite the opposite. One of the appeals of evil is that it is beautiful, deceptive, and disarming, something I think Yana has captured well. There are times where readers can find themselves forgetting how dangerous characters like Sebastian, Vincent, or the Undertaker are until we are given a stark reminder of their motives.

The nature of humanity- In this series, the nature of humanity is pretty bleak. There are only two groups presented-those who are the users and those who are used. Humans are constantly striving for pointless dreams and don't care who they trample in their efforts for success. Even Sebastian comments how there are humans who exist who are even worse than demons...now that's something to think about.

Some of the other themes/topics I noticed in this series that I don't have enough to say for their own bullet points are: betrayal (specifically how it often comes from those who we trust the most), deception, the worth of a human soul, the nature and consequences of revenge, and what it means to be human.

Overall, Kuroshitsuji is an excellent series that brings to question the less than savory aspects of life and humanity, while still telling a compelling story. Were there any themes that I missed? Any that you have a different take on? I'm interested in hearing your thoughts.

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #black butler undertaker #mey rin #sieglinde sullivan #noah's ark circus #themes #story analysis #thank you for coming to this ted talk #yana toboso #submission

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96thdayofrage · 3 years

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Aretha Franklin was larger than life. Her voice, her physical presence, her personality, her place in musical history. Everything about Aretha was big. To appropriately portray the scope of her story, and everything she represented, the treatment must be larger than life.

National Geographic’s 8-part series, “Genius: Aretha” does the exact opposite.

To begin with, there’s a reason they call television “the small screen.” It’s not a medium for epic storytelling, or anything with significant scope. The way the series is shot feels very much like daytime television, rather than a cinematic experience. But that alone isn’t what makes this story feel so small.

The opening title sequence of each episode contains music that sounds like a midi track from an old video game — a bizarre musical choice to set the tone for a story about Aretha Franklin, a brilliant and inspiring musician who was named the #1 greatest singer of all time by Rolling Stone Magazine.

Suzan Lori-Parks’ script diminishes The Queen of Soul to a mere caricature. The dialogue is so poorly written, it becomes a distraction to the story. Throughout the overlong show, Parks takes tangential details and tries to make them absurdly momentous. And worse, she reduces some of Franklin’s grandest moments into side notes, or skips them entirely. For example, we see Aretha (barely) react to the announcement of Dr. King’s death. But why did they gloss over the fact that Aretha sang at his funeral? Instead, the episode included a fictional scene of Aretha and MLK flirting during a smoke break. A classic example of sacrificing an iconic moment, for a silly (and untrue) scene in its place.

The entire show feels like an effort to confuse the audience as to what time period it’s supposed to be in. This is partially due to the scattered direction from Anthony Hemingway. The flashbacks are confusing, in part because some are in black and white, while others are in color. Stylistically, the black and white treatment never works because the picture looks as bright and clear as if it was shot yesterday. Nothing else was done to make the “old” scenes look old.

Another authenticity problem is the gospel music sung by young Aretha. While Shaian Jordan has a lovely voice, it is a contemporary R&B sound, and does not remotely resemble the style in which Aretha Franklin sang as a child. Her voice is much smaller than young Aretha’s, and yet audiences respond with rapturous applause as if she just brought the house down. This is distracting, to say the least.

Overall, the acting leaves much to be desired, and is not helped by the lackluster script. Each actor’s delivery feels like they are reciting lines. The pacing as a whole is painfully slow, yet each individual scene feels rushed.

In life, Aretha was surrounded by celebrities from an early age. Her father was a famous minister, and they had countless famous friends. Even from a young age, some of Aretha’s closest friends and neighbors grew up to be stars as well. So, to properly tell Aretha Franklin’s story, you need a glittery cast of A-list talent. NatGeo fell painfully short in this department, as no one is actually a star.

The closest thing to an A-list celebrity is Courtney B. Vance, who has enjoyed an illustrious screen career. But even he is sadly out of his element playing Aretha’s father, the iconic Rev. CL Franklin. His portrayal feels like a caricature, and much of his story arc is straight from the salacious rumor mill.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, NatGeo’s worst error was the miscasting of British musical theater actress Cynthia Erivo as Aretha Franklin.

Perhaps most obviously, Erivo simply does not possess the physicality to play Aretha at any stage of her life. Her stature is far too small, and her costars tower over her in most scenes. Aretha had unique presence both onstage and off. She was a commanding figure — a force — and yet she had the most graceful way of moving. Her gestures were understated and subtle. Erivo’s movements are hurried and harsh, and her physical presence lacks the authority of Aretha.

One of the most distracting elements is Erivo’s speaking voice. Aretha had a high, breathy, flirtatious voice, with a specific lilt in her cadence. For reasons unknown, Erivo speaks in a low, emotionless monotone, which is reminiscent of her previous characters, Celie (“The Color Purple”) and Harriet Tubman (“Harriet”). It would seem that Erivo has one American accent in her arsenal and uses it with each American role she takes on. Perhaps the most difficult moments to watch are when she accidently slips back into her British accent, taking the audience fully out of the scene. Why no one on set caught these major gaffes is beyond comprehension.

Erivo’s character development completely misses the mark. Aretha had a strong personality, but was also shy, coy, demure, feminine, and cool at the same time. Erivo’s portrayal is surprisingly one-dimensional. It would seem that her only view of Miss Franklin was “angry diva.” But Aretha was far more than a diva, and when her “diva” came out, it was often coupled with a wink and a nod. Aretha loved to laugh and had a wonderful sense of humor. Erivo’s Aretha is painfully void of comic relief, completely ignoring Franklin’s playful and acerbic wit. The one instance she attempts to show this side (telling her band a joke about a chicken), it falls completely flat.

While Erivo’s singing is strong throughout, it never reaches that spine-tingling level of Aretha’s unbridled delivery. Instead, it feels like a carefully rehearsed karaoke imitation. Unlike Andra Day’s recent tour de force performance as Billie Holiday (“The United States Vs. Billie Holiday), Erivo never manages to get lost in the character, even during her best musical moments.

In addition, many of the musical moments would appear to be added after the fact, just to remind the audience that this is still Aretha Franklin’s story we are watching.

Arguably the biggest letdown of this entire endeavor is the song selection. NatGeo did not secure the rights to Franklin’s most beloved songs in her catalogue. So what we get here is a string of lesser known songs from Aretha’s repertoire — and often, songs more closely associated with other acts (Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come,” Otis Redding’s “Satisfaction,” Dusty Springfield’s “Son of a Preacher Man” and Diana Ross’s “Reach Out and Touch”).

Before Miss Franklin died, it’s been said that she specifically requested not to have her story told on television. (Instead, she famously asked Jennifer Hudson to bring her story to life on the big screen in MGM’s “Respect,” due in theaters this August.) Aretha knew what National Geographic and its showrunners did not — her story is larger than life and should be treated as such.

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crushzone · 4 years

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~10 Characters from 10 Fandoms Tag~

Oooh fun! Thank you so much for the tag @lydzisanerd This list is in no particular order. Also just want to add that this was very difficult to do because I can’t just pick one favorite from each (anime) fandom. 😢

1. Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu!!

Started off my HQ! journey crushing on Daichi (and I still do, he shares a first place with Ukai tbh), but my feelings for him randomly hits HARD when I see him rage drives back to school to get Kageyama in his little yellow car.

He’s so hardworking: running the store, farming, coaching the team, AND spends his free time coming up with strategies instead of passing out? Sure he may be grumpy at times (which I find hilarious), but I don’t blame him. Seeing all the little proud smiles, cheering and glances at his baby crows when they learn something new just gets my heart fluttering. Very husband material ✅

Like his protective dad reflex is on point ^

2. Touta Matsuda - Death Note

He’s a cinnamon roll who just wants to do something correctly for once! Honestly, everyone in Death Note has their own dark side, and having him on screen is such a treat.

I sympathize with him, I know how it feels to think that you are incompetent when you compare yourself to others, especially if you are the youngest person, and when you fear incompetence, some moves you do can end up poorly if it was done out of frustration instead of logic. But that doesn’t stop him, he keeps trying and I look up to him for that (though it gave L a big headache lol). He also just wants someone to love him 😭 Must protect.

3. Sokka - Avatar the Last Airbender

Another funny character that I love very much! It’s been a while since I’ve seen this show, so forgive me if I got somethings wrong.

He’s not a bender, but that does not stop him from continuing to grow stronger, as he later picks up sword fighting and so on. Like Matsuda, he teaches me that it is ok to feel not so great when you accidentally compare yourself to others (because his sister is freaking strong), but you should use that feeling to encourage yourself to grow in your own way; and that it is ok if your attempts are a fail sometimes.

He’s also hella cute and he actually makes me laugh.

4. Iruka Umino - Naruto

Another husband material character. Stable, kind and loving, he’s passionate about what he does and he cares about his students. Maybe I just have a thing for older responsible characters who takes care of children, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

And he’s a little adorably clumsy sometimes.

5. Levi Ackerman - Attack on Titans

He’s a popular character, so I’m not surprised that I ended up liking him a lot too, and I totally understand why. I’m not usually into stoic and violent characters, but after reading about his past and seeing the little gestures of protectiveness and care he does to his comrades and close friends, I respect him. Also a dad, but like, a tough love kind of dad lol.

His fights are always so badass, he moves like the wind!!

6. Hanataro Yamada - Bleach

Someone...please protect him. I love his character so much, and I know he’s usually there for comic relief, but I can’t help but smile every time he does. Another character who struggles with feeling weak and incompetent, but this boy is trying his best. He’s willing to step up to protect the ones he love even if he KNOWS he’s going to lose and is very scared. I respect that a lot, and I just want to give him the warmest hug.

Also, something about his relatively tired face and soft voice that juxtaposes his “high level” of energy and enthusiasm is hilarious to me. He’ll pull all nighters to heal his friends when they need him, he’s just someone you can rely on.

Look at him goo!! 😂

7. Seijuro Shin - Eyeshield 21

I honestly don’t know why he was my favorite from the series, I don’t really remember much about the manga tbh, since it’s been well over 10+ years since I’ve read it/seen the anime. But I remember gasping when I see him on the cover of the issue and I was staring at it for a while. One could say he was one of my earlier manga crushes?

But I recall him being a little awkward and his unawareness of his strength is hilarious.

8. F. F. - Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure, Stone Ocean

A hilarious simple minded character, or should I say Plankton, hahah! There’s so many characters in JJBA, but I just think F.F.'s (poor) attempt at being a human is funny, They also remind me to drink water every time they make an appearance, so that’s an added benefit.

9. Jean-Jacques Leroy - Yuri On Ice

Ok ok, this character gets a lot of dislikes, and the reason why I like him is deeper than the fact that he is a ridiculously attractive talented Canadian ice skater okaayy? Hear me out.

There are many times when I would cringe and get second hand embarrassment at some of the things he’s done, but he’s not really trying to hurt anyone. This man is trying to chase his dream, and prove his self-worthiness to his family and the people who supports him. And he’s also just trying to get people to eat lunch with him, dammit.

Instead of simply bathing in the love and cheer of his supporters, his people pleaser personality backfires, and the pressure of not letting people down becomes too immense. I believe he gets to where he is because he is an example of someone who feels incompetent (once again), but is never afraid to pick himself back up and keep trying.

Unlike Yuuri (Who I also really like), he doesn’t have someone like Victor to work with him on his fears technically (I know he’s engaged, but she’s not an ice skater, so all she can do is cheer from the sidelines, instead of being on ice with him). He’s devastated but it did not stop him from picking his head back up to smile and try again.

He’s just a harmless awkward people pleaser boy who does not understand how to fit in with the others, because he grew up around his big family, and that is the only world he knows how to be a part of. I think the others were a little unfair to him when they keep ignoring him. He just makes bad jokes that happens to upset Yuri, though I’m sure that if Yuri approaches him maturely and tells him how much it bothers him, he would stop and apologize.

10. Spike Spiegel - Cowboy Bebop

Tbh I never finished the show, the story telling style is just not for me, but I might try again sometime in the future. However, I kept watching it for a while because I really enjoy Spike’s characterization. He’s so relatable, especially in parts where he’s just trying to recover from his hangovers, and his fights are very entertaining to watch. I feel a sense of authenticity in him, because he acts exactly the way he wants to, and he has no shame. Also, his playful demeanor and crazy appetite is endearing.

------------------

Help, after making this list, I THINK I HAVE A TYPE 😲

Tagging, but please don’t feel pressured to! I’m just interested to see who your favs are: @shhhlikeme @danibby @yamaguchi-stan

#tag game #10 favorite characters #cowboy bebop #eyeshield 21 #jj leroy #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#bleach #jjba #stone ocean #levi ackerman #attack on titan #naruto #death note #matsuda touta

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cha-melodius · 4 years

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The Definition of Madness Chapter 6

Whumptober No. 27: Power Outage

Fandom: The Man from UNCLE (2015)

Pairings: Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin, Napoleon Solo & Illya Kuryakin & Gaby Teller

Summary: They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Or, Illya gets stuck in a very whumpy time loop.

Ao3 Link

Ahhh I’m late on this one, but it’s double length, so hoepfully that makes up for it.

*****

Previous Chapter

Illya does not immediately act on his newfound knowledge. It’s both difficult and easy to convince himself to focus on the mission, because although he really wants nothing more than to take a break—he’s been running this op for nearly a month at this point, after all—and take some time to think about whatever this thing is between him and Napoelon, he knows the best way to do that is to end this. Taking ‘rest days’ at the safehouse only goes so far when they’re guaranteed to always end in disaster. Most of the loops still feature one or both of his partners’ deaths, and it never gets any easier to deal with.

So he tries to push the feelings back out of his mind and focus on what he needs to do instead of what he wants. What he needs to be doing is learning more about their targets and trying to come up with some way of finally ending all of this. After all, he is still far behind his adversary in the number of loops he’s had to figure this out. As far as he knows, there are at least twenty more traps they haven’t discovered yet. He likes to think that he won’t need that many more loops to gain the upper hand, but after a few more tries, he finally realizes what he’s missing.

The mysterious man in charge said it himself: it was their team that outsmarted him so many times. Illya is good, but the team is better, and he needs his partners if he’s going to do this. Needs them to really understand the problem at hand. Which is, to put it mildly, difficult when they forget everything each reset. He hadn’t really tried to explain the situation past his first attempt, but now he knows he’s going to have to.

It takes another three loops before he hits on the right combination of uncanny knowledge, plausible explanations, and entreaties to just trust him. Even then his partners don’t look totally convinced, but they do become more willing to play along. And then, on the fourth loop, he somewhat accidentally discovers a completely unexpected and surprisingly effective way of convincing Napoleon, at the very least.

“So wait, how many loops has it been? Twenty-five?” Napoleon asks, arms crossed over his chest as he leans back against the counter in the kitchen. He’s wearing a look that’s unmistakably skeptical but also like he’s trying to be open minded, and Illya really does appreciate the effort.

Illya nods. “Approximately.”

“And we never remember anything?” “I think the fact that you are asking that question is answer enough, no?” Illya replies, arcing an eyebrow at him.

“I guess so,” Napoleon allows. He stares at Illya for a long moment, critical and considering, and Illya has a brief uncomfortable feeling that something about his bearing has changed. Honestly he would be surprised if it hadn’t, what with all he’s been through, but now suddenly it feels like Napoleon can sense exactly what it is.

“And all the loops are pretty much the same?” Napoleon asks. Illya hesistates. In his debriefs he tends to talk only about their attempts on the compound, forgoing much information on the days they’ve stayed at the safehouse. Partly because not much of what happened during them is particularly relevant to the mission, and partly because of the can of worms it threatens to open inside him if he spends too much time thinking about them. But this is the first time Napoleon has directly asked, and something in him pushes him to talk about it.

“Not entirely,” he says cagily. “We’ve stayed back here a couple of times, when my lingering injuries were too severe.”

“How did those days end?”

Illya frowns. “Poorly. The oven is somehow rigged to blow, as is the fireplace. Probably more places, too.”

Napoleon is silent again as he seems to absorb this information. “You really die at the end of every day?” “You do too, on most of them.”

Napoleon winces at that, but Illya knows he’s not thinking about his own deaths, not really. He’s putting himself in Illya’s shoes, imagining what it would be like. “I don’t know how you can take it, Peril.”

“No choice,” Illya mutters.

“Yeah, I get that, it’s just… watching you die, over and over again—” Napoleon’s words bite off as he looks at the ground, and it’s clear that the emotions he keeps so carefully guarded are threatening to escape again.

Illya takes a few steps forward, bringing him within arm’s reach of Napoleon, and it makes his partner look up at him with wide eyes. Eyes full of an emotion that Illya can quite easily read, now. Probably he shouldn’t say anything, but then again, why not? Napoleon won’t remember any of it tomorrow. Which is painful in its own way, but at least Illya knows that if things go poorly, he has another shot.

“The day the oven blew,” he says quietly, “you were dying in my arms. You said… you said you wanted to tell me something. Said you were too much of a coward to tell me before.”

“Did I?” Napoleon whispers, looking somewhat stricken. “Did I… tell you?” Illya shakes his head gently. “No. Didn’t get a chance.” “Oh. Good,” he says, breathing out a shaky sigh of relief. “I mean, not good, really, but I don’t know what I was going to say—”

“I know, Cowboy,” Illya interrupts.

He reaches forward to take Napoleon’s hand, lacing their fingers togther like he’s wanted to do for days now, and suddenly trying to suppress this just feels stupid. Napoleon’s palm is sweaty in his panic, but it doesn’t matter, because his hand is so right in Illya’s. He can’t quite stop a tiny smile from curling the corners of his mouth.

“Y–you do?” Napoleon stammers, his blue eyes wide with disbelief and fear and unmistakable hope.

Illya nods and leans forward to press his lips to Napoleon’s. It causes his partner to stiffen in surprise for a fleeting moment, but then he rapidly seems to melt, lips parting when Illya brings his other hand up to cup Napoleon’s jaw and slides his tongue along his bottom lip. With a slight tip of his head, Illya fits their mouths perfectly together, then smiles into the kiss when the movement elicits a tiny noise of pleasure from Napoleon.

The last few days Illya had, perhaps unsurprisingly, imagined various scenerios in which he’d lost his carefully maintained control and ended up kissing Napoleon during a loop, but most of them had been a desperate crush of lips as one of them was dying, tinged with blood and sorrow. Certainly none of them had been like this, gentle and unhurried, Napoleon almost trembling in his arms with the pure emotion of it.

When they eventually part Napoleon is flushed and breathing hard, and who would have believed that, of the two of them, he would be the one so flustered by this development? Illya gives his hand a small squeeze and receives one in return, and then Napoleon’s mouth splits into a wide grin.

“Is that—” he starts, breaking off with a huffed laugh. “Is that the first time we’ve… done that?” “Yes,” Illya answers as he brushes his thumb lightly over Napoleon’s cheek. “First time.” “So, uh, how did you know, if I— if I didn’t say anything that day…” Illya bites his lower lip against the smug smile he knows is fighting its way onto his face. “One loop, I was sick. Recovering from a concussion, actually, but you didn’t know that. You made me your grandmother’s soup.” “Oh,” Napoleon breathes, flushing red again. “I see. Told you all about it, then?” “Mmhm,” Illya hums.

Napoleon drops his eyes again, muttering under his breath. “Real smooth, Napoleon.”

“I’m glad you did,” Illya tells him. He nudges Napoleon’s chin up until his partner meets his eyes. “And not just because the soup was delicious.”

Napoleon laughs, then, and shakes his head lightly. “I gotta tell you, hearing that is almost more convincing than anything else you’ve said today, because there’s no way you could know about that or… or what it means. But you do. It’s insane, but somehow you do.”

“You really believe me now?” “Yeah, Peril,” Napoleons says sincerely. “I believe you.” Then his lips curl into a mischevious grin. “You know, just a suggestion for the future, but you could maybe lead with that—”

Illya cuts him off with another long, lingering kiss before he pulls back again. “You’re just saying that so you get kissed earlier in the day,” he accuses.

“So what if I am? I think I’m allowed to look out for my future self. Or is it past self? I have to say, this is all very confusing, Peril.”

Illya sighs. “Tell me about it.”

Napoleon might have a point, though.

*****

Turns out, the fastest and most convincing way to introduce the concept of his looping days to his partner is to walk into the kitchen, grab Napoleon’s hand before he burns it on the hot pan, and pull him into a vigorous kiss. Every time, Napoleon freezes in pure shock for what should be a surprisingly short amount of time before he just… goes with it, opening up and chasing Illya’s mouth with no small amount of enthusiasm. It would be almost comical, especially after the whole thing has been repeated several times, if it didn’t make Illya’s heart thunder in his chest every. damn. time.

Sure, it confuses the hell out of Napoleon, but he’s far more ready to believe that Illya is actually repeating the day when Illya knows just how to kiss him in a way that makes his toes curl (his words). By the time Gaby is awake, Napoleon is already completely in his corner, which makes convincing her a lot easier too.

And hell, it’s not a bad way to start the day, especially if you’re going to have to start the same one over and over again.

Unfortunately, that is typically where the romance starts and ends for them on any given day. That’s not to say that they don’t steal kisses during the rare quiet moments, and Gaby is pretty much guaranteed to roll her eyes and throw pebbles at them on the hike up the mountain. But the days are still packed with trying to figure out how to evade the traps and take out their targets, and if Illya sometimes feels like taking a break all he has to do is picture any one of his partners’ myriad deaths.

One morning, they’re all hunched around the map of the compound, watching as Illya adds every trap that they’ve managed to trigger so far to it, as he does every day. He talks through everything he knows, and everything they’ve tried. So far the door he’d found on his solo jaunt remains unopened; even when they’ve successfully gotten there a few times, they’ve always been ambushed before Napoleon could figure out how to open it.

“What about the power?” Gaby asks as she stares pensively down the map. “Have we tried taking it out?”

Illya shakes his head. “No. The substation is hidden somewhere else on the mountain, but I’ve never been able to investigate it.”

“You say the lock on the door has some kind of electronic component?” Napoleon asks.

“Correct.”

“Well, it might have a backup power source, but you never know,” Napoleon muses. “I think cutting the electricity should be our next move.”

It’s surprisingly not that hard to follow the electrical lines to a substation sunk into the mountainside. Which, of course, makes Illya immediately think that it is a trap, but he is surprised again. There are only two guards, and the team takes them out quickly and quietly. The real problem comes in the fact that it will take at minimum fifteen minutes to cover the ground between the substation and the main compound, which is too long. They’re going to need to have one person cut the power when the other two are already in place, so that their targets have no chance to mount a response.

They argue about the distribution of labor, but in the end there is only one option: Napoleon has to go to the compound to crack the lock on the door, and Illya needs to be there because he’s the only one who will remember anything, so that leaves Gaby to kill the power. Illya hates the idea of leaving her alone, because he’ll have no idea if she is in trouble or not, but there’s no way around it. She’ll join them as soon as she can after she does it, and he hopes that at least in some loop he’ll get some confirmation that she’s ok.

Killing the power does disable part of the door lock, but it turns out there is a combination lock underneath, and it takes four loops for Napoleon to discover each number in the combination before they’re cut down by guards.

The minute they actually step foot inside the underground facility Illya knows they are in the right place. He can practically feel it, tingling on his skin. There are cells here—this must be where he’d been held, before—and spaces that look more like medical observation rooms. They move quickly and quietly, trying to search as much of the area as they can before the guards catch up with them. When they’ve gone as far as they can they end up in a well-appointed office, and it must belong to the man in charge, but he is frustratingly not in it. Somewhat unfortunately for them, he is nearby.

Normally the guards in the compound tend to be of the shoot-first-ask-questions-later variety, which works in their favor since it means Illya doesn’t have to worry about not dying. Whenever Illya does something truly unexpected, though, something that has the potential to actually work, it seems to tip off the man in charge. And that? Is not a good thing.

Like this time, when the armed guards that bust into the room just stand there with their guns trained on Illya and Napoleon instead of firing, as if waiting for someone to give the order.

“Now this is a surprise,” the now-familiar tenor croons moments before the man walks through the door. “In my very own office, even.”

Illya and Napoleon trade glances and a silent understanding that it might be useful to get the man talking rather than starting to shoot blindly in the hopes of triggering a new loop. This is, as it turns out, their first mistake.

“I take it one of you is resetting the day,” the man says conversationally, looking at both of them critically. “Given that you made it here. I don’t suppose you’d be so kind as to tell me who it is?”

“‘Fraid not,” Napoleon drawls. “Guess you’ll just have to kill us both.” The man laughs at this idea, which of course everyone knows is absurd. Killing them is the last thing he’d want to do, now that he has them cornered. He stares at them both for another moment, and Illya knows that nothing shows on either of their faces to give them away, but the man nods anyway.

“Shoot the American, and bring the Russian here,” he says dismissively.

“No!” Illya shouts involuntarily, because that is the one situation that cannot happen, but even as he does he realizes he played right into the man’s game.

So, he does the only thing he can, and starts shooting anyway.

The scuffle ends relatively quickly. Illya takes down several guards before he’s overwhelmed by the sheer number of them in the small space and they force him to his knees as they tie his hands behind his back. As luck would have it, though, Napoleon’s position nearer to the door means he manages to get a gun on the man in charge. He unfortunately does not look that perturbed by this development, but he waves a hand to signal the guards anyway. Several of them have their guns still trained on Napoleon, but at least for the moment they don’t fire. “Well, you got yourselves a standoff, if that’s what you were hoping for,” the man says. “But I don't think it’s going to work out for you.”

“You think it’s going to work out for you?” Napoleon scoffs. “Your mercenaries are just that loyal, are they? By my reckoning, I take you out and we go scot free.”

“Oh, Mr. Solo, that is an optimistic viewpoint,” the man replies, grinning cruelly. “My men will, in fact, kill you no matter what. The question is, after you die, who will be here to prevent them from giving your partner the antidote and then killing him? By my reckoning… no one. Something tells me that’s not a sacrifice you’re willing to make, even if you are dead.”

Illya can see realization flicker in Napoleon’s eyes at the truth of this assessment. Gaby won’t arrive in time, and there is no way in hell that Illya will allow the final loop to end with Napoleon’s death. There is only one possible scenerio where they both get out of this.

“Cowboy,” Illya says into the tense silence that fills the room. Napoleon doesn’t look at him, but Illya knows he’s listening all the same. “You know what you have to do.”

“Yeah, right, Peril. I don’t think so. He’s bluffing.” “He’s not.”

“Listen to your partner, Mr. Solo,” the man suggests. “Though I don’t think you will.” He pauses, and turns toward Illya, seemingly ignoring the fact there’s still a gun trained on him. “Did I ever tell you how many loops I had to get to know your little team?” Illya says nothing. He’s certainly not going to give this asshole the satisfaction.

“Fifty, at least. And if there’s one thing I know, it is that your partner would rather die than see you die. So he’s certainly never going to be able to kill you himself.”

“Cowboy,” Illya says again, steadfastly ignoring the man.

Napoleon’s jaw clenches and the muscle jumps under his skin. “He’s right,” Napoleon grits out, almost a whisper.

“He’s not.”

He gives a tiny shake of his head, moving only a fraction. “I can’t.” “You can,” Illya insists. “You have to.”

And then, suddenly, the situation becomes a lot more dire, because the guards have returned with what must be the antidote. The syringe is already full of a blue liquid, ready to inject, and the sight sends a bolt of fear through Illya. He tries to struggle out of the grip of the guards and manages to knock two of them over, but there are just too many.

“Napoleon,” Illya says with more urgency as he’s pressed back down to his knees. “Do it!”

“There has to be another way,” Napoleon protests, glancing to Illya for only a moment.

“There isn’t, you know it,” Illya tells him desperately.

The guard carrying the syringe gets closer and closer, until he’s standing over Illya. They are completely out of time.

“Napoleon!” Illya yells, but his partner’s hard gaze doesn’t waver from the man in charge. “Napoleon, SHOOT ME NOW!”

Finally, Napoleon’s eyes flicker down to Illya, and the anguish in them is unbearable. Illya doesn’t look away. He can’t. Not with what he’s asking Napoleon to do. Distantly, he can hear the man laughing, but the world seems to have narrowed down to nothing more than the two of them.

Please, Illya mouths.

In the next moment, Napoleon drops his gun to Illya, squeezes his eyes shut, and fires.

*****

Illya wakes up with a precise, circular gunshot scar exactly over his heart. It aches, and not in the way the lingering wounds usually do. He lies in bed until he hears Napoleon humming and he knows he needs to get up, but facing the day is excruciating with the memory of what happened in the previous one so fresh in his mind.

He makes it to the kitchen just in time to stop Napoleon from burning himself, and he can’t quite keep the desperation from the kiss he pulls his partner into. This time when he breaks away from the kiss he doesn’t let go of Napoleon, wraps him instead in a hug so tight that the man almost squeaks. He can feel the bewilderment in Napoleon’s rigid posture, moreso even than usual, but then his partner’s arms wrap around him, unquestioning, and he feels the ache in his heart slowly abate by small fractions.

There’s no way around telling them what happened; his partners have to know everything about the previous iterations if they’re going to stay ahead of their adversaries. Illya takes them through the power station and getting the door open, all the way up through their search of the underground facility, before he falters.

“They got the drop on us,” he forces himself to say, not looking at either of his partners. His hand goes white around the pencil as he marks out their positions and those of their opponents on the schematic of the underground level. “Managed to take me, but not you. The man in charge was here. You were nearby, with your gun on him. Bunch of guards here and here, guns on you. They were going to give me the antidote, pull me out of the loop.”

“And?” Gaby prompts, when Illya falls silent again. “Obviously they didn’t.”

Illya shakes his head and finally looks up at Napoleon, and he can tell by the uneasy look in his eyes that his partner is starting to put the pieces together. “I… I needed to die, so I told you to—”

“No,” Napoleon interrupts, shaking his head wildly. “No.”

“Cowboy, there was no other option—”

But Napoleon still doesn’t let him continue. “If I was armed, why wouldn’t I just kill the man in charge? That’s what we want, right?” “It wasn’t going to work,” Illya says, trying to keep his voice steady even as Napoleon becomes more and more agitated. “If you had shot him, the guards would have still killed you and pulled me out, and then there would be no resets. Not for us. It was the lesser of two evils.”

“Bullshit!” Napoleon yells, then turns on his heel and storms out of the house.

Illya’s shoulders sag and he leans heavily on the table as the ache in his chest returns in full force. After a moment Gaby’s small hand slides over top of his, warm and grounding.

“There was no other option,” he repeats, and his voice sounds so small and broken even to his own ears.

“I know that,” Gaby says quietly, soothingly. “And he does too, deep down. He’ll come to terms with it, he will. But right now he needs you to go to him.”

She’s right, he knows she is, as painful as the idea of talking about it is. He finds Napoleon standing on the porch of the safehouse, staring out into the forest. There is unmistakable tension in his shoulders and his hands are clenched into fists at his side. Illya steps out until he is side by side with his partner, and they stand there together, in silence, for a long moment.

“How could I do that?” Napoleon asks eventually, his tremulous voice barely more than a whisper. “I just can't see how I could possibly do it, even knowing you would ‘reset’, or whatever the fuck this is.”

“Cowboy,” Illya says, turning toward him, but Napoleon’s gaze remains fixated on the trees. “Napoleon, look at me.”

Finally, Napoleon turns, and Illya is shocked to see tears streaking his cheeks. He’s never seen Napoleon cry, not even when he was dying in the kitchen, and the sight is fairly terrifying. He reaches forward to pull Napoleon into his arms and his partner goes willingly, pressing his face into Illya’s shoulder.

“You did it for me,” Illya murmurs, holding him close. “Because I asked you to. And I shouldn’t have, I know, it’s not fair. I’m sorry, Cowboy.”

Napoleon is quiet for a long moment before he speaks again, pushing his words into Illya’s shirt. “I can’t do it again.”

Yes, you can, Illya thinks sadly, but he doesn’t say it. He knows that if it came down to it, Napoleon would pull the trigger, because he is far stronger than he thinks he is. Because he would always do anything for Illya, even the unthinkable.

“You won’t have to,” he promises instead. It’s a dangerous promise to make, but Illya also knows that he couldn’t ask Napoleon to do it again. Couldn’t take more of this pain. Illya is, in the end, the one that is not strong enough.

He presses a kiss to Napoleon’s temple and buries his face in his partner’s hair, drinking the the scent of his pomade and that thing that is uniquely him. They stand there for a long while, wrapped in each others arms, until Napoleon takes a deep breath that he exhales as a shaky sigh.

“We should go plan,” he says, his voice still muffled by Illya’s shirt.

Illya pulls back slightly and lifts a hand to cup Napoleon’s face, tipping it up toward his. “In a minute,” he murmurs, and then kisses him.

Illya never could have imagined that kissing the man he loves could make his heart ache so intensely. He can taste the sorrow in it, even more than the salt of Napoleon’s tears. Their tracks are drying on his cheeks, and Illya rubs his thumb through them, knowing for certain that this loop cannot end the way the previous one did, because he can never be the cause of these tears ever again.

Gaby is waiting for them when they finally come back inside, and she has put her time to good use. The table is near covered by explosive charges, assembled and ready to go. Illya and Napoleon blink at her in surprise.

“The way I see it,” she says without preamble, “we need the antidote, and then we need to blow the whole place, preferably with that bastard inside it. Make sure any trace of the drug is destroyed. These are for the outer walls,” she says, gesturing to one pile, “and these are for placing in the basement. I’ll kill the power, and then you have 15 minutes to get underground, get the antidote, place the charges, and get out. I’ll place the ones around the outside when I get there. Agreed?”

Illya and Napoleon look at each other, then back at Gaby, and nod. How could they not?

Next Chapter

#whumptober2020 #no.27 #power outage #the man from u.n.c.l.e.#fic #the man from uncle #tmfu #napollya #napoleon x illya #napoleon solo #illya kuryakin #gaby teller #my fic

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