#he was so tiny but flew so fast wtf

[mmriesoftvat]

CHARACTER ANALYSIS: WANDERER VS CYNO.

i've talked extensively to people about my thoughts on this, so i'm going to preface this entire post with my OPINION that wanderer is playing around during this fight. he's incredibly strong and has hundreds of years of fighting experience over the other contestants. he was ordered to keep an eye on them, not to actually harm them. THAT SAID, "playing around" also doesn't mean not doing anything. he's clearly still fighting, but i think the difference is that he's enjoying himself more than he anticipated. and of course, there are contestants that brought him a decent enough challenge and even tested his skills. but ULTIMATELY wanderer was not throwing his full strength into the ring. he was taking it easy and holding himself back. please don't come at me.

that said, let's get on with it!

here we have our first screenshot. he's not touching layla, he merely is taking the diadem from her. it's a huge blink and you'll miss it moment, and i had to slow the video way down to capture this shot because of how fast he's moving. had he been more serious, wanderer would have at least done something more. this is the first hint we see that he's holding back/taking things semi easily. he's just taking it and going.

i really love this shot of her confusion. layla has no idea wtf just happened. wanderer is a zoomy boy, okay? very "hi bye!". i love it. she's heckin confused, probably didn't even see him.

oh but faruzan definitely saw him. now she's mad. it had just been between her and layla, and now EVERYONE'S there, all fighting for the diadem. competition just got more high stakes for her. go faruzan, get your crown.

THIS was the first moment i realized wanderer wasn't being serious. if he were actually competing, he probably wouldn't have slowed down/stopped to stare at faruzan. everyone else was in it to win. he's just holding out the diadem and. dare i say, even taunting her? hat guy you silly billy.

bonus dialog after he stole the diadem right out from layla's arms. again, zoomy and zippy boy.

look at he go.

this is the first time he's being targeted. notice how he's not attacking her back. he's attacking her device in self defense.

self. defense. though, i will admit that he does throw out some half assed blades later on, but for now, he's protecting himself.

so far, yet again, he's moving in self defense. i don't know for sure if he knew the others were laying in wait and purposely flew toward them. i feel like tighnari definitely planned on hitting him, but wanderer is flying at the moment, and is still moving fast. quick reflexes though, i'm impressed. wish i could be like that.

this is his expression to cyno's weapon being thrown in his direction. to me it looks focused, like he's thinking on the spot and less "i'm going to demolish this guy." wanderer is actively thinking while moving. either for strategy or to dodge, but i love the tiny detail in that his gaze is focused right on that staff, and he looked very in the zone. and of course in the next shot, he uses his own abilities to knock the staff away.

now cyno, on the other hand. cyno is also very focused. he's definitely not playing around. that expression, what little we can see of his eye, very much screams "i'm going to pummel you into the ground." he wants that card. he's here for the win and he's going to take it.

the fact he lands and immediately starts running tells me he's NOT going to hold back. he's throwing his all into this. i love the contrast between him and wanderer. wanderer seems more focused/thinking on the spot on how not to hurt them. whereas cyno is looking to win and wanderer is someone he can target. especially considering wanderer is still holding the diadem. to me it also is very telling how low to the ground cyno is. he's still hunched forward, that guy has speed on his side and he's using every bit of it to get to wanderer.

here is wanderer, readying himself to attack cyno. and again i say he's holding back. because in the next shot-

he's landing on cyno's staff.

i've already talked about and reblogged recently a previous post where i went into detail over how strong wanderer is. if he really wanted to, that staff would not have stopped him from kicking cyno's face. we know cyno is strong, he's incredibly strong. but wanderer is also hyper strong and can do things that i don't think cyno can. plus, it looks like, to me at least, that he didn't even aim for cyno's face. the staff came up to block cyno, and wanderer immediately landed on it. there are a lot of things he could have done to take cyno out, but DIDN'T. every time i think about this entire cutscene, this moment right here is the biggest giveaway that wanderer's not being wholly serious. he landed on the staff and stared down cyno, and then jumped off. cyno may be taking this fight serious, but wanderer is holding back.

wanderer DOES throw out an attack, but i feel like it's him knowing that cyno's also fast as hell and can dodge easily. going back to the beginning, he didn't hurt layla or faruzan because he didn't want to hurt them. since cyno's also very strong, i'm pretty sure wanderer was comfortable enough to throw something out, knowing cyno could handle it. in that same vein, i don't think he got that chance with tighnari earlier, because he was too busy dodging all those arrows. i digress.

wanderer attacked because he knew cyno could easily dodge.

like so. cyno's able to block the attack because cyno is a very skilled fighter. not that none of the other contestants aren't skilled, but wanderer also just stopped to stare at faruzan rather than attack her. he had every opportunity to throw his anemo at her and layla, but he's only doing it with cyno. probably because cyno is also very fast and quick on the reflexes. still, it's a cool scene, it's my favorite cutscene in the entire game.

i mean, look at the way cyno's sliding to dodge. guy's practically doing the splits. but no, more seriously, look at the expression on his face. he's just as focused and determined, though i still think they're both focused and determined for different reasons. like i said earlier, cyno wants that card, wanderer just wants to do his job and make it out without anyone getting seriously hurt.

again, wanderer being really fast and dodging cyno's attacks. he's still throwing out his anemo, but he also flies around to make sure cyno's paying attention first before attacking again.

it's hard to see since even with the video playing really slowly this is what i'm able to get. but cyno was able to block the attack. the fact that wanderer waited until he could tells me he was holding back. were he more serious, he wouldn't have waited. at least, i don't think.

cyno is running so fast here it looks like he's gliding. maybe wanderer is a little more serious at this point. here is an opponent who can match him in speed at the VERY least, if not strength. i would even wager to say he's impressed. he's used to being the lone wanderer, hating the world around him and belittling everyone for being weaker than him. but here comes cyno who can match him in terms of speed and agility. who WOULDN'T be impressed by that? so maybe wanderer is a little more serious about who he's up against, especially considering they've been fighting each other more than anyone else in the competition fought each other. in this last round, at least. doesn't mean overall wanderer is completely serious over the whole competition.

another act of self defense. though i think in this case he didn't exactly have a choice. cyno caught him off guard. wanderer didn't have time to dodge or launch a counter attack -- cyno was too quick for him. no choice but to block the attack.

i feel like in this moment, it looks like wanderer wants to keep fighting cyno. the stare down is really intense, and it's intimidating when you see that cyno's surrounded by electro. the guy is ready to destroy something. i feel like, at least for the briefest of seconds, they both forgot about the competition and were more interested in fighting each other. but kaveh was attached to faruzan's device and flying in really fast.

bonus, i love that layla and faruzan have just been. standing around the whole time. i don't know where tighnari went. probably looking for another angle to shoot wanderer with.

just because wanderer is distracted by a flying kaveh, doesn't mean cyno is. more proof that wanderer isn't completely serious. why else would he turn his back on an opponent? cyno's not distracted, he's gonna get that diadem and win. he's so determined.

kaveh isn't even a threat. he's flying right by everything, probably too panicked and confused to let go of faruzan's device. but wanderer is reaching out anyway to spin him around. which, to me is the whole point: he may have had some enjoyment and flying around, but ultimately, the diadem was not his to take and the competition wasn't his to win. cause if he wanted to win or cared at all, he would've just taken the diadem to the podium himself. which wasn't what he was ordered to do but that's beside the point. the entire fight was nothing more than idle time wasted (and some unspoken bonding with cyno, i'm convinced of it.)

he's actively spinning kaveh around, though i think the device kaveh is still holding is helping. i don't think wanderer really intended to hurt anyone, he's just moving them around, toying with all of them.

cyno's still coming for the diadem. he wants it. but wanderer purposely holds it out. maybe he planned for it? because cyno succeeds in knocking it out of wanderer's hands. it goes flying up, leaving it open for kaveh to use his toolbox to grab it.

which of course, the force sent kaveh tumbling head over heels right to the podium. had wanderer not grabbed him and redirected him, wouldn't have happened.

the rest of the scene is kaveh basically winning the competition. but my ultimate conclusion is that wanderer was holding back. he didn't start attacking the other contestants until cyno came along, because cyno is just as terrifying as he is. i feel like wanderer enjoyed the fight, and would have continued had kaveh not shown up with the device, which provided a perfect opportunity for wanderer to redirect him and send him flying to the finish line.

wanderer was in the competition because of orders, and didn't NEED to fight. he could have continued to toy with everyone, but cyno brought out a different kind of focus in him. i'd like to think he enjoyed that fight, but he was definitely holding back. there were moments where wanderer could have kicked cyno in the face or launched him, but he didn't. and the only reason he attacked was in part because he knew cyno could dodge, and in part because he was keeping cyno distracted long enough for kaveh to come flying in.

it's another testiment to wanderer's strength and even character development. it's one of the reasons he's my favorite character, because while he's still the loner and an asshole at times, he does show his respect toward people in his own way.

#( CHARACTER ANALYSIS. ) #( WANDERER VS. CYNO. ) #this is my opinion #i love this fight though #i love how strong they both are #it was a really interesting and fun cutscene that showcased both their abilities #i wanna see more stuff like this in the future #long post #i mean it's definitely long

[bookstantrash]

A baby bat just got inside my house. We managed to get him out but of course I stopped to take pictures once we locked him inside our tv room so he’d not keep on flying around madly.

Meet Nyx. It was a short visit but it was nice having you here

#baby bat #he was so tiny but flew so fast wtf #I was like #‘it’s feysand date night and they left Nyx with Azriel to babysit him’ #Nessian would be on their honeymoon so they couldn’t take care of him #the photos are shitty because I took them from OUTSIDE the tv room #and the baby bat was on the opposite wall so I had to use the zoom

[aahsokaatano]

ITALY????

Y’all I spent one whole week in Italy in 2017 and it was one of the most bizarre fucking weeks of my life

let’s break it down from the beginning

[under a read more for length]

So, fall of 2017 I was studying abroad in London. One of the classes I was taking was specifically for study abroad students, designed to get us engaging in the culture of London or whatever i dont really remember the class itself but my god do i remember the people i met in it

two in particular were these girls, also American. We shall call them Molly and Ally. They had quickly made friends with each other, and after one of the class trips into London, i was friendly with them as well. The “reading week” or fall break was coming up, and they mentioned that they were going to Italy and asked if I wanted to go. I had booked a short tour to Dover, but thought “oh my god Italy???? Fuck yes!” and so I bought my plane tickets then asked them where they had booked hotel rooms so that I could add myself to their itinerary

“Oh,” Molly said, “we haven’t, don’t worry about it”

Me, a seasoned traveler “?????? uh”

I bugged them about this for at LEAST a week and finally, about THREE DAYS from when we were supposed to leave, I just went ahead and booked an assortment of hostels and airbnbs for us in all the cities they wanted to go to and told them to pay me back later

they actually admitted afterwards that that had been a smart move on my part which like????? no SHIT its a smart move to have a plan where you’re gonna sleep every night while in a foreign country. god.

So, lets go through this day by day

Day 1 - London to Milan

we flew from London to Milan in the evening, getting there pretty late at night. and it was only once we were actually IN Italy that I learned that 1) none of us spoke Italian and 2) despite having grown up in two areas with large Hispanic populations, neither Molly or Ally spoke a lick of Spanish, which is close enough to Italian that you can kind of limp through a conversation of one if you know the other.

so, somehow, I ended up being our Italian translator for the week, armed with nothing but a translator website, a handful of Italian music terms, and the ability to roll my r’s fairly well for a white person. Literally, i figured out where the bus stop was outside of the airport because I saw the word “fermata” painted on the pavement and I knew that meant “long pause” in sheet music terms so I hazarded a guess it meant stop or similar in regular Italian

(sidenote I almost got in a fight with some random Italian dude on the bus because Molly was going on about how excited she was to try the pizza and I told her it wasn’t going to be the same because “the pizza you’re used to is an American invention” and he turned around and started going on about the tradition of pizza in Italy and I was like I just mean that American pizza is different from real Italian pizza i did not mean to offend i’m sorry!!!!!! anyways)

the bus dropped us in a square in the middle of Milan and we got out and i’m lookin at my airbnb app trying to figure out where we need to go and i said “okay we need to get a cab” and Molly and Ally are arguing about something and this RANDOM ASS DUDE walks up to us and is like “you need taxi?” and i said yes to he leads us back to his REGULAR ASS CAR, NOT A TAXI and tells us to get in, and for some unknown fucking reason I do and Molly and Ally follow me and shut up real fast because this is sketchy as fuck but the guy did take us to the airbnb without murdering us so thats a win i guess

The airbnb by the way was more like a mini hostel - it was this apartment where pretty much every room except the bathroom had been converted into a bedroom and so probably not entirely legal but whatever. whatever. 

Day 2 - Milan to Venice

i woke up early the next morning and went to take a shower at the bathroom at the end of the hall and found out that the lights didn’t work. Whatever, I’m mostly blind without my glasses anyways so i just showered in the dark, no biggie

we had an early bus to catch from Milan to Venice, so we headed out to the bus station. I’ll be honest, I do not remember how we got there. I think we walked, because I ended up with a coffee at some point so I probably got it from some cafe on the way? But idk. I was so tired.

We get on the bus, I found two empty seats far away from Molly and Ally, and immediately stretched out and fell asleep.

Ally woke me a little later and said “c’mon, we’re here!”

I was confused as all hell because it had not been nearly long enough for us to get all the way to Venice, but I got off the bus and was greeted by Molly stretching her arms out and proclaiming “Welcome to Venice!” underneath a sign that said we were at the Verona bus station.

They did not believe me when I said Verona and Venice were two different places. “Venice has canals, Verona is where Romeo & Juliet is set. There are no canals in R&J, they’re two different places!” I literally had to pull out my phone, go to google maps, and zoom out until they could see that Venice was still several hours away before they believed me.

The bus driver almost didn’t let us back on but I was able to show him on the tickets that our end destination was, in fact, Venice.

Venice itself was pretty neat. We got to go on a gondola ride and I ate an entire pizza by myself at dinner lmao.

Day 3 - Venice to Florence

we took a train from Venice to Florence the next morning, and that’s when I discovered that Italian train stations have lovely little cafes with AMAZING coffee and really good pastries. The other two didn’t drink coffee but like, their loss. it was fantastic. 

Florence was great, we found a little shop that sold really yummy gelato for only 1 Euro a scoop - Geletaria La Carraia. If you ever end up in Florence, definitely check it out!

We wandered around for a while, took a lot of pictures. There was some famous church that was undergoing some renovations, but as we walked up to it Molly gasped and said “I’ve climbed that in Assassin’s Creed!” which was pretty funny. 

We went to a museum that had made a bunch of models of some of Leonardo DaVinci’s inventions. We went to an art museum and stumbled across Michaelangelo’s David on accident, so that was the big “wtf” moment of the day. Also that night Molly decided to buy a bottle of wine to take home to a friend of her’s back in America, but realized after buying it that her backpack wasn’t big enough to cart it around for the rest of the week so I ended up carrying an entire fucking bottle of wine for the rest of the trip because I was the only one smart enough to bring a proper backpacking backpack and not just my school bag.

Also the hostel we were in had actual skeleton keys for their rooms and actual goddamn keyholes that one could clearly see through so i left the key in the lock all night AND hung my sweatshirt from the door handle so that no one could peek in at us

Day 4 - Florence to Pisa

once again, I woke up early, went into the bathroom attached to our room (the hostel had had a cancellation and so we ended up in a private room instead of a dorm style) and discovered that the lights didn’t work so I had a second shower in the dark

we took another train from Florence to Pisa, and there we ran into our only bit of bad weather

What’s the big draw in Pisa? The Leaning Tower, right?

What was the only day it rained, non-fucking-stop, the entire time we were in Italy? THE DAY WE WERE IN PISA

I got so soaked that I actually bought a new sweatshirt because the one I was wearing was DRIPPING

anyways, after we had taken several dumb touristy pictures and grabbed an early dinner at a nearby restaurant, we decided to head over to the room I had booked. The cheapest place I could find was a tiny cabin at a campground nearby. According to the map on my phone, it was a short walk away.

A solid hour later, we finally trudged up to the main office of the campground, shivering and soaked, and got the keys to our cabin. We set our stuff down, and Ally and Molly decided to go back out to the grocery store we had passed coming in. I waved them off and went to take a shower in the bathroom with fully functioning lights! hooray!

Day 5 - Pisa to Rome

another morning, another train station with excellent coffee. We got into Rome and, at this point, we were all so tired from travelling that I was finally able to take charge. up until this point, Molly had been railroading us, even sort of bullying Ally in the process, but now she was exhausted and I, through a combination of practice in functioning while dead on my feet, lots of travel experience, and Mom Friend Instincts, took the reins. We got to Rome and I said “we’re going to the church with the big hole in the roof (its a thing, look it up) and then we’re going to eat.... at this place around the corner and then we’re going to to go our hostel and check in”

they didn’t argue, and that’s a true testament to how fucking tired the two of them were, especially Molly, because she would argue about anything and everything given half a chance. We also went to the military museum that day, mostly because it was free and also air conditioned

(also while looking through my pictures of this trip i just discovered that i still have the picture i took of the Rome hostel FAQ page that had by the front desk, which i now remember i did because it had the wifi password on it and we weren’t in our room for 30 seconds before one of the other two asked what the wifi password was so, once again, i show that i am a very good traveler/travelling buddy)

Day 6 - Rome

so we had the next full day in Rome, and we got up early to get in line for the Vatican. I wanted to be there by 7am, Molly was like “it doesn’t even open until 9!” and we compromised at 8 and it was STILL an enormous line so i was like “see? this is why i wanted to get here early”

Oh, but before we went to the Vatican, i took a shower. IN. THE. DARK. BECAUSE ALL OF ITALY EXCEPT FOR PISA DECIDED THAT I DIDN’T DESERVE TO HAVE A SHOWER WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE TO FUMBLE AROUND BLINDLY LIKE AN ASSHOLE

ALSO on the way to the Vatican, I asked if the two of them had their passports. Ally said yes. Molly said yes, why?

And I had to then explain to Molly, a 20 year old RELIGIOUS STUDIES MAJOR, who was RAISED CATHOLIC and who had FAMILY IN THE CLERGY, that the Vatican, THE CENTER OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, is it’s own country. 

she, again, did not believe me until i pulled it up on google for her

turned out that we didn’t need our passports stamped to enter the Vatican but still! still!!!!!

so it turned out that whatever day we were there on, the Sistine Chapel isn’t open that day, so we just walked through the cathedral and then headed out to the Colosseum and the ruins of the Senate behind it, both of which were very cool

Day 7 - Rome to Milan to London

we got up even EARLIER on our last day, I took another shower in the dark, and we rushed over to the Vatican, speedwalked through most of the museum, and finally got into the Sistine Chapel, which was absolutely breathtaking. Then we hauled ass back to the train station to catch our train back to Milan.

At this point in the trip, I was so fucking done with the two of them, but especially Molly. Ally was sweet and naive, but she was also willing to listen to new information. Molly was just a stubborn ass with a mean streak a mile wide and I was COMPLETELY done associating with her.

Luckily, since I had booked my flights separately, while we had flown into Milan on the same plane, I had a completely different flight back to London - to a different airport, even. They were going back to London City, but I was heading to London Gatwick. Both planes were set to depart around the same time, from two gates that were next to each other though, so i couldn’t really escape them until - uh oh! My flight was delayed. 

Molly and Ally were fretting about it but i was like “it’s fine. it’s fine. I’ve been flying since i was literally 3 months old and I s o m e h o w know more Italian AND Spanish than the two of you combined, even though I would never say that I speak EITHER of those languages. Just go.”

The flight ended up being delayed like 5 hours due to mechanical issues. They finally just got another plane for us, and we finally took off from Milan. When we went over Paris, the captain, obviously feeling bad about the delay, made sure to tilt the plane in both directions so that everyone could see the Eiffel Tower lit up, it was really neat.

We finally got back to London at literally like 230 in the morning. The busses and some of the trains weren’t even running at that point - certainly not all the way out to the fancy little liberal arts college I was going to. I went up to some security guard at the airport and said “just tell me how close I can get to the University of Roehampton on the trains” and he told me to take the train to Black Friars so I got out there and there was a bus, but it was like 40 minutes out. It’s now pass 3am, I am exhausted after a long, weird week in Italy, I texted my dad and he said “just get an Uber i’ll pay for it”

The Uber driver was very nice and as soon as I got in he said “you look really cold! do you want the heat on?” i could have fucking kissed him. he was super nice. actually made sure that I was still texting my dad (i had mentioned it when I got in because I almost dropped my bag while trying to text and maneuver at the same time) every few minutes. offered to let me take and send a picture of him to my dad. otherwise didn’t really speak and just let the music play. I tipped him literally whatever was in my pocket at that time, i don’t remember how much it was, but it was at least 20% and probably more. Really great guy. 

Random London Uber driver from 2017, you remain the best Uber driver and I love you

i finally crawled into my shitty little dorm bed at about 4am, exhausted and utterly bewildered by the past week

honestly??? I’m still bewildered by my week in Italy.

wtf even happened in all that mess.

#italy #venice #florence #rome #pisa #tales from the hill #chris #thebubbledragon

[fromnibelheim]

[[MORE]]

Just had some Big Dreams gonna write it down

It started out with a boyfriend trying to convince me to talk to my ex so we could be on good terms. My ex and I had left on bad terms and there was a lot of bad blood and my new boyfriend felt bad and thought we should talk it out so we could at least not have that animosity and maybe even be friends. The way he put it was really sweet and he was so handsome and well dressed, with chocolate brown loosely curly hair and wearing a nice wool coat, good for dream me. We walked into a sporting goods store, where my ex worked I guess, and went to the elevator to the second floor. My bf was holding my hand and being really sweet and supportive bc i was nervous. We got into the elevator and it was surprisingly huge. Like the size of a room. And i noticed there was a woman at a desk in there who looked rather secretary like and I started to wonder what I was getting myself into.

When we got out of the elevator we were in this VERY fancy mid-century style office building where everything was honey-color stained hardwood and emerald green and gold and looked like it was straight out of the 1920s. I got WAY more nervous bc it was so fancy and everyone was wearing suits and I felt so out of place but my bf went right up to the counter and got a number for us to get called up to state out business or smth I guess. I was like wtf are you doing we cant do this! But he had already gotten the ticket so we sat down in some plush green velvet seats and waited. I realized I had no idea what my ex did but it was way more important than I'd thought. The man at the counter called our number and asked what our business was and I just got so nervous and didnt even know what position my ex had that I would answer him with, so I just said we were still waiting for someone. I think my mom showed up at one point. Eventually I was able to talk to the ex and he was some big hotshot but also a complete ass who acted like he didnt even remember us dating, even when I brought up specific events that happened. He had short blonde hair and just looked like a prick lmao. So we all left knowing it was resolved, maybe not in the best way but still resolved. On our way out we stopped to have tea in a cafe in the fancy office part of the building, and my mom told me that dreams were memories from all the other lives you're living right now. Not past lives, but memories of the universal. I remember she specifically said memories of the universal. Then the dream shifted.

I was in this new place I didnt recognize, lying in the floor covered in heavy ornately decorated blankets in a tiny japanese style room with a big monk sitting across from me chanting and praying to me. And I started shaking and crying bc I didnt know what was going on or why this guy would be praying TO me, and people were talking about remembering their other lives and who they really are and that I was lost and confused bc I didnt remember yet, and I figured that maybe if I could remember all the other lives I'd had and was living then my situation would make more sense, or at least id be more at peace with it.

I was given a letter that didnt really mean much to me bc I couldnt decipher it as it was mostly a series of small images. A group of young people around our age came in, attracted by the letter and all saying how surprised they were to see it and that it was safe and survived, as if it had been through some huge ordeal just to get here. They came right over to me to look at it as I'd laid it out right in front of me, and I pulled one of the blankets I had wrapped around me over the side of my face bc I didnt want them to see me upset. One of them came over and sat down by me. He had beautiful pale hands and I reached out and grabbed his hand and he hugged me tight. I didnt remember who he was but I knew he was important to me and that I had loved him before and I just felt like as long as he was there everything would be alright. After a while though that group left and I was alone in my tiny room, locked in. I remembered a spell someone had told me for finding things and I used it to summon the key to free myself and flew out the window. I jumped out and just started flying. I wasnt sure if I could but I put as much force into it as I could and was able to clumsily fly just above everyone in the little town I was in. The big monk and a couple other people chased after me but I quickly outran them. Then I just focused on flying. I think I was some type of angel or something since i actually had wings, and could feel the air gliding over them as i flew. It felt really nice and refreshing. Then there was another shift.

I ended up in this enormous indoor city, like a mega mall but it never seemed to end. It seemed to go up infinitely high too, and there like three were ornate cathedrals like St Patrick's Cathedral within a couple blocks of each other. I flew around the cathedrals and looked in and listened to the people talking, and inside they were more like luxury restaurants than churches, but anyway. I heard an old woman saying that they had reached their capacity as a race and no one grew old anymore. Because of this they stopped having children and no longer had the desire to give birth, which made sense to me but was surprising. I flew away from the cathedrals into a much more densely populated part of the indoor city which still had the structure of a mall just on a much more massive scale and was more technology advanced. It looked like they were having some kind of parade. I was trying to find someone, probably the people from before, but it was too loud and crowded.

I moved on and came across this group that was having a standoff. They looked like they were in a cyberpunk style gang or something and one of them pulled out a lasergun and was threatening innocent bystanders. I watched them from under the suspended walkway they were on and went from under to try to use magic to freeze them in place, but it wasnt strong enough. They caught onto me and started to chase me.

The rest of the dream was me running from them, dodging laser fire and trying to fly fast enough to put some distance between us. I ducked into shops, chased one of them into a shop at one point, even jumped onto the top of a giant fast moving train to get away, etc.

I tried to fool them at one point and it almost worked, but they came back and caught on. At that point I was wounded and didnt have much energy left to fight but for some reason they didnt kill me. I think we may have had one last battle or they retreated but either way I came out of it alive and finally was free of them and made it back to the group of friends I had been trying to find that entire time. Although at that point I was so hurt I couldnt even stand, let alone fly, so they all helped me along and carried me.

Not much worth noting happened in the dream after that. I got a bit better, we ended up in a really cute shop that had a secret base where you go down this ladder into the next floor down that had a really cute cozy circle bed with plushies on it and string lights that would have been a perfect place for taking insta pics, and then I wandered into a shop that was all dark stained hardwood and cases and cases of antique china and crystal glassware. I went back into the first shop and then woke up.

#dream #dreams

[jinships-ideas]

BTS Run 51 - The Jin Harem

Let’s Boom Boom Pow, Gonna Get Get~

Let’s Get It!

polite hands Jinmin~

Ft. Frog bros + Shiba Bros

Chim tried to low-key reach for Jin’s arms as he complained about having to be on the Pirate ship alone

(he puts his hand down though)

JK: I now have 2 pairs of eyes but I shall choose to remain blind to this bullshit Tae: Really? In front of my salad?

Once upon a time, in the land of Bangtan Forest,

Shiba!Joon attempts to get the attention of Bunny!Jin

Shiba!Joon is backed up by his fellow Shiba Bros (wingman)

Meanwhile, Bunny!Jin, a beloved entity of the forest is protected by his animal friends, Bunny!Chim and Froggy!Tae and Froggy!Jk

Tae: You dare thread on our land and ask for the hand of our hyung? Bark on bitch. JK: This isn’t our land but yea. Bark on insolent bitch Chim: PFFT HE THINKS HE IS WORTHY?! WHAT A JOKE Yoongs: Man you guys are so mean. Why can’t we just be friends? Hobi: I think it’s cos our bro wants to bone their bro... so yea...

Of course, Jin HAD TO pat JK on the shoulder after winning

JK: You won and all you give me is a pat? AT LEAST GROPE ME OR SMTH FFS Tae: Froggy me just wants to enjoy my salad in peace... Why do I have to suffer?

Bunny!Jinmin holding hands at their victory~

Ft. Shiba!Joon’s head

HAHHAHAHA

Bunny!Jin coming on TOO STRONGLY for Chim

He fcking wanted to do a special handshake (that involves bodily contact/headbutting) with Chim but got rejected

Tae: *regretting everything he has done to have to endure this flirtation shit happening around him* JK:  내가 웃는게 웃는게 아니야 (I’m not really laughing)

The uncanny love between a frog(who looks suspiciously like a bunny) and a bunny

JK: Hi, we just met but I know what we are going to name our 3rd pet

Touchy Jin strikes again!

This time’s target: Tae!

Jin: You know... I can touch more than just your eyes... I can do so much...more Tae: ...WHY TF DID I FIND THAT HOT DESPITE HOW CREEPY IT WAS?!!

Bangtan Forest’s animals all love their personal space

EXCEPT for JINKOOK

Surprised? NOT REALLY

Gotta get get Boom Boom Pow?

MORE LIKE GOTTA GET GET CLOSE TO JIN

IDEK wtf they were doing

I’ll just assume its a mating dance Froggies in Bangtan!Forest do to attract a mate

JK’s hand lightly bumps into Jin who was walking away from his mating ritual

HAPPY BUBS 2SEOK 

THEIR SQUISHY CHEEKS

*INCOHERENT SCREAMS*

Mirrors Yoonjin~

ISTG they are too fcking adorable it’s illegal

SHIBA!JOON MAKES A MOVE!!!

HE GOES FOR THE WORLDWIDE BUNNY!JIN’s SHOULDER!

AND JINNIE LIKED IT

HE LIKED IT A LOT

Namjin being physically close is a mood

Jin DESERVED that skinship for his BRILLIANT LION KING GAG

SUPER TINY

BUT Tae went for a chill high-5 with Jinnie~

But of course, our eagle eyes SEE EVERYTHING

Jinnie patting Tae’s arm to praise him for the good job he did at the game~

(IF ONLY WE HAD A FOCUSED SHOT OF TAEJIN)

(BTS+ DON’T DISAPPOINT US PLEASE)

Their matching expressions

WHy does it look like they were both deeply traumatized by the sight before them?

(It was only Tae, Jk, Yoongs and Hobi on the opposite side...)

Probably in shock from the overwhelmingly cute visual before them

Ft. Jinnie cheering Hobi on despite being on opposing team~

WE LOVE A FAMILY

THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR EXPRESSIONS

Frogs: *ENJOYING LIFE, ENJOYING SHIBAs’ SUFFERING* Shibas: *SUFFERING*

Joon: *FRUSTRATED AF* Jin: *HAPPY AF*

THE FCKING CONTRAST XD

SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE THEM

Jinnie patting Hobi on the back after Hobi’s spirit flew away and his mind shut down

(THE SHUTTING DOWN SOUND EFFECT WAS PERFECT)

Why did I get some Romeo and Juliet vibe from this angle and shot?

Except it's between 2 Bunnies and their fates cross due to a pirate ship that threatens their life

Joonie laughing at Jin’s mistake

Despite the height they are at, they will still be the goofs that tease each other 

This just makes me think of Namjin going on a date in LotteWorld

T^T I WANT MORE SHOTS LIKE THIS WHERE JIN IS JUST WALKING AROUND THE AMUSEMENT PARK WITH HIS MEMBERS IN THE BTS+ 

Jinkook + Namjin mirrors~

Joonie and Hobi paying attention to Jinnie~

FT. Flower pose Yoongs looking adorable AF

Shiba Bros being mesmerised by Bunny!Jin and his gum

Jin is a gummy bunny

WHY ARE THEY SO ADORABLE?!!

HOW DARE THEY

Let’s just pretend Jinmin are on a date

Ft. Shiba!Joon

Let’s ALSO pretend Jinnie wrapped his arms around Chim during the ride

BackHug Jinmin is A++

Jinmin High-5 at their success~

Jin didn’t even look XD

Ft. Yoongs leaning his Shiba self close to Jin and Jinleaning towards Yoongs to let him see better

ALSO ft. Jealousy, thy name is JK

Chim and Joonie’s hand...

I wonder what childish thing Jinkook did that got edited out was...

Jin DEF did smth and JK saw and pointed it out

Let’s hope BTS+ comes through

Awww soft Jinkook with Jin leaning into JK

Jk looks so much taller than Jin here 

:’)))

Namjin eye contact~

Jinnie’s habit of reaching out for someone to hold when in shock~

The cam zoomed so that Namjin was out of frame after this but I’m 70% sure Joonie had a skinship moment with Jin after this shot...

:<

We are banking on BTS+ so much this post...

GAHHH The way they look at each other right before the ride

I AM SOFT FOR THIS SOFT PAIR OF BUBS

The way Chim tells Jin he was very afraid and Jin just telling him to focus on memorising so that he would feel less scared

:’))

The way they light up at hearing Jin’s screams XD 

Tae: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING JIN HYUNG’S SUFFERING. PIECES OF SHIT.

Jinmin: *shouting loud AF*

JK: *Imitates Jin’s scream* Hobi: *Enjoying the imitation* Joon: I’m stuck with children (*literally wearing a fcking Shiba headpiece*) Yoongs: How tf will I survive this? Tae: I wonder if Hyung is ok... I should have been there beside him...

Jinnie cooly apologises for messing up and pats Chim’s back and leaves just like that

XD 

THIS MAN IS UNREAL

Jin: Imma just leave...Bye. Chim: WTF just happened? Joonie: PICK ME PLEASE HYUNG! Hobi: HE LEFT YOU HOE! JK: Good choice! Tae: I PROUD OF YOU MANN Yoongs: That’s right that’s right.

AWW Chim patting and stroking Jin’s back consoling him despite them failing the game

:’)))

Soft Jinmin is KILLING us

This text wasn’t subbed for some reason But I’ll translate it for y’all~

Text: The oldest hyung who is riding with a scared Hobi

Jinnie rode it again for the sake of accompanying a scared Hobi

T^T

2Seok is pure 

*Ugly sobbing*

Jinnie enjoys while Hobi screams in fear

Jin was also nice enough to give warnings to Hobi for scary parts so he can prepare himself 

Hobi: I feel like I just got punched Jin: ...Sorry...I punched you... WITH LOVE~

I just have to point out how Tae was rapping Cypher pt.4 (Yoongi’s part I believe) just to distract them 

JK speed talked REAL fast too BUT I HAVE 0 CLUE WHAT HE SAID COS IT WAS WAY TOO FAST

Chim putting his hand around those Worldwide Shoulders in the background~

A different angle of the Jinmin moment~

The Bunnies are trying to claim the cake for themselves!

Chim using Jinnie’s headband to mark their property XD

SUCH CHILDREN

They can literally afford any technology out there but they are being fcking amazed by a ramen cooker...

XD I can’t with these easily-amused and awed fools

Ft. Jin leaning his whole body on Chim

Tae leaning against Jinnie and using the chance to wrap his arm around Jin 

Ft. Chim being CRUSHED

XD

Tae+Jin+Hobi/JK(?) using the Ramen Cooker 

Of course they would want to use it and try it out

These are children we are talking about

XD 

Also, I’ve tried using this once when I was in Korea near the Han River, It’s really cool that they have a fcking machine that cooks packet ramen when you don’t have a stove! But the place where all the machines are (at Han River) is messy and dirty af cos of all the seasoning and litter that people leave around...

Still, a very cool experience that I recommend people who go to Korea try!

That’s all for this week’s post!

Hope you guys enjoyed~

Until Next time~

#namjin #jinmin #jinkook #taejin #yoonjin #2seok #bts incorrect quotes #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts run #jinship #jin harem #seokjin #jin #namjoon #rm #rap monster #taehyung #v #hoseok #yoongi #suga #jimin #jungkook #jhope #bts #bangtan

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Cyberverse watch! Episodes 1-10

EPISODE 1

Bee you are ADORABLE

The cartoons always seem to start off in the middle of a desert huh

Lmao this is mean but imagine if bee missed the ju-- OH NO I WAS JUST KIDDING BEE

BUMBLEBEE IM SO SORRY I WAS JUST KIDDING, I SHOULDN”T HAVE MADE THAT JOKE

Gosh I’m so glad Windblade seems like one of the main three, like, she’s one of the main people in the intro and everything

Oh man we’re getting right into the bakstory huh

THERE”S TINY PERCY

“We couldn’t be sure if it’d actually work” Windblade says as she jumps through it without any concern or sense of self-preservation

AW SHE HUGGED BEE Windblade is so cute

IS THAT...SKYWARP

It’s so hard to tell the seekers apart

AW MAN I LOVE WINDBLADE’S SWORD And I love that her wings are retractable that’s so cool

STINGER that’s a new ability for ol’ Bee

OH THAT”S THUNDERCRACKER alrighty, sorry bud, I always think you should be green for some reason

JEEZ LOUISE WINDBLADE THAT CORTICAL PSYCHIC PATCH

I wonder if Windblade is still a Cityspeaker in this show :O

oh ANNNND THAT”S THE END OF THAT EPISODE man I forgot they were only 11 minutes. Alright, what the heck, let���s do some more

EPISODE 2

Alright I’m pretty sure that pretty purple seeker isn’t Skywarp but  idk what her name is yet

Aw grumpy Bee is cute

HER FANS JUST FLEW OFF???? WE’RE JUST PLAYING FAST AND LOOSE WITH THESE DESIGNS HUH I gotta say I’m a fan

“I’m going to create a distraction while you--” *camera zooms out to show Bee’s wandered off* I LOVE THEM

Yeah Windblade may not be a Cityspeaker in this series but she’s definitely a babysitter lmao, poor gal

OH SHE IS A CITYSPEAKER THAT”S AWESOME I wasn’t sure if they’d keep that part of her backstory :’) I’m so glad

Awww they hugged again :’)))) Windblade and Bee’s friendship is so cute!!

AAWW AND AGAIN!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM “We were friends once” “We still are” WEEPS!!!!

EPISODE 3

Windblade: BUMBLEBEE STOP DRIVING SO BADLY IM TRYING TO MONOLOGUE

Windblade: I’m going to plug into your brain with this cortical psychic patch and access your memories Bumblebee: I don’t believe this woman’s ever gone to medical school

Lmao way to sum things up Bee

TRIFORCE CUBE ALLSPARK

I wonder if the Allspark swallowed up / locked away his memories AH and as soon as I started typing that some weird glowing stuff started happening lmao

Ah and there’s Starscream, the dork

Man had Saling not warned me about Peter Cullen not voicing Optimus I would’ve been totally caught off-guard by that. Man, I hope Mr. Cullen is doing ok

I DON”T KNOW WHY BUT MEGATRON SAYING “AHAHA OPTIMUS PRIME” MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD

STARSCREAM TOOK OFF HIS WINGS AND THREW THEM WTF

LMAO SHE JUST TRIPPED HIM OFF A LEDGE #Get rekt Starscream

SCARY LADY WHO THE HECK IS THAT

SOUNDWAVE

MY BOY!!! IT”S HIM THERE HE IS!!! I JUST GASPED

SOUNDWAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU”RE DOING SO GOOD

OH MAN AND HE CAN TALK???? SOUNDWAVE BABY BOY!!!!!

OUCH poor Optimus

Optimus: Good thing I was a pitcher in my middle school’s football league *chucks Allspark through the space bridge*

EPISODE 4

That Allspark looks so much like a dice....I wonder what would happen if they rolled a nat 20 on it lmao

GRIMLOCK??????

WHEELJACK?????

lmao wheeljack looks like such a dork I love him

OH MY GOSH IS THAT CHROMIA??? SCREW THESE GUYS, THERE”S MY GIRL!!!!

Lmao I love that Windblade’s essentially “Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories”-ing Bee’s memories

Optimus: Meet back here in 20 astrocycles Grimlock: Sure thing! *whispers to bee* What the heck is an astrocycle Bee: *Shrugs*

Bee: I don’t know, but this place is the pits I LOVE HIM?????

It’s so weird hearing “intellectual” Grimlock lmaooo

Bee: *grumbles* Optimus would’ve thought that was a funny joke YOU ARE PRECIOUS

Optimus: Bee, watch your footing, the ground is starting to shake Bee: Thank you for that wonderful observation, Captain Obvious

Those bugs are making such cute sounds as they attack them that’s so cute

Aw Optimus, you’re such a good guy, what a sweetheart

Dang, they have a lot of autobots on that ship

UH THEY SHOULD LEAVE AT LEAST ONE PERSON AWAKE

EPISODE 5

Aw man the snow and mountain background in this episode look so pretty

WHY IS BEE HOLDING A GOAT SO CUTE

Bee: They were very kind. They took me in as one of their own WHY! ARE! YOU! SO! PRECIOUS!!!!!

Windblade: You want a what? What is a food processor? THEY”RE SO CUTE!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM 

oh man the backgrounds on this show are absolutely beautiful

Man, you know what it’s so frickin cool that Windblade’s essentially the main character of the show (plus Bee, but mostly her) :’)

“I thought they left all the useless bots on Cybertron” “Clearly not, if you’re here” OH SNAP

Bee’s just sitting on the ship watching bad human TV while Windblade’s off risking her life lmao, I love him

Slipstream is such a moron, why would you throw a flier off a CLIFF

SHE”S A FLIER

I love how Windblade says “Ugh, I was attacked” as if it’s just an inconvenience and not a huge deal

EPISODE 6

OHHH IS THIS GLADIATOR MEGATRON

YEAHHHH IT IS

AHHHHHH BEE HIGH-FIVED SHOCKWAVE, THAT”S SO CUTE I was wondering what the context was behind that

OH MAN THERE’S ARCEE AND RATCHET

AHHH AND THERE”S SOUNDWAVE They’re all standing beside him!

MEGATRON JUST SAID “TIL ALL ARE ONE” IM CRACKING UP

Optimus: I do not intend to start a fight Bee: What if he doesn’t listen? Optimus: He will listen to me 8′((((( and so it begins </3

Lmao also:  Optimus: I don’t intend to start a fight Optimus two seconds later: *chucks a bot*

OH MAN SHOCKWAVE LOOKS SO INTIMIDATING I LOVE THAT

“The file clerk is here to air his grievances” OHH it’s interesting to see what sort of backstory they’re giving Optimus in this universe

Megatron: You are wasting your time Optimus: It is never a waste of time to speak to an old friend I AM CLUTCHING MY CHEST,  YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME RN

GOSH THIS IS THE MOST DRAMATIC BREAKUP EVER THIS IS KILLING ME IM SO SAD

That one lady Decepticon: *grabs onto Bee and flips him over her head* Me: *CONFLICTED HEART EYE EMOJI????*

SOUNDWAVE!!! IM LOVE YOU!!!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!

GOSH I AM RENDERED INCAPABLE OF COHERENT THOUGHT OR SPEECH WHEN HE COMES ONSCREEN

Bee: Megatron may have torn out my voicebox, but he can’t keep me from talking. I love to talk! Talk talk talk talk.... Windblade: *laughs* Shut up! *weeps into my hands* This friendship is so wholesome

EPISODE 7

AW Decepticon ships have pong on their ships that’s adorable

What is the deal with this cube...is it a person....

AW IS THIS THEIR FIRST MEETING, THAT”S SO ADORABLE, gosh, what a dorky way for Windblade and Bee to meet

IT”S A SPORT OH MY GOSHHHH that’s amazing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any sort of Cybertronian sports, that’s so cool! I always wondered what kind of sports / games they’d be into

lmao Starscream is so unimpressed with Windblade for liking the game

Ahh Windblade’s taller than him! That’s so cool!

LMAO Bee: You seem different. You’re not like other jets

GOSH THIS EPISODE IS LITERALLY MEAN GIRLS BUT WITH GIANT ROBOTS THIS IS HILARIOUS

Lmao yeah Starsream, because no one’s going to notice the cube is suddenly red instead of blue

AW NEITHER OF THEM REMEMBER HOW TO PLAY CUBE that’s adorable

EPISODE 8

Ugh, there really aren’t any good places to watch episode 8 so I’m watching it all broken up

YO VELOCITRON EXISTS IN THIS UNIVERSE NICEEEE It’s so cool seeing the colony planets!!

YO VELOCITRON LOOKS SO C

OH MY GOSH THERE’S HOT ROD!!!! I LOVE HIM OH MY GOSH BLURR IS HERE TOO!!!!

HOT ROD!!!! RODDY!!! YOU SOUND SO CUTE I LOVE YOU!!!!

Wait wtf is that evil wheeljack??? WHO IS THAT oh wait Plague of Rust??? that doesn’t sound great

“HOT DOG”

I really like Bee’s voice ahhhh he got such a great voice actor

Hot Rod and Blurr’s banter is so fun, that’s really great, and Bee’s like an excitable little kid!!! I love him!!!!

Blurr you stupid twunk, you gotta get out of there THAT RUST IS SPREADING SO FAST

OH NO HIS WHEEL GOT SOME RUST ON IT

OH SHOOT THEY’RE REALLY GONNA KILL BLURR HUH

DANG DUDE WELL OK THEN

EPISODE 9

Nicccce good friends sparring

WHO IS THIS CREEPY MULTIPLE EYED GIRL oh her name is Shadow Striker

*MEANINGFUL SILENCE AT THE WAY THEY STRUNG OPTIMUS UP*

“Ugh, I don’t even like being alone in the room with him” “I don’t like being left alone with you!” LMAO

Bee is so cute, he’s trying to psych himself up

LMAO THE GUARDS ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR PREFERENCES AND THEIR BOSS that’s so cute what losers

AW MAN I thought Bumblebee was gonna hug Optimus that would’ve been cute

There’s so many seekers in this series!

Man I wasn’t sure what I’d think of Cyberverse but I’m really enjoying myself! It’s such a cute heartwarming show!

...I say, right as Shadow Striker attempts to do a murder / suicide thing with Bumblebee

“What’s your problem with me?!” I MEAN YOU DID BLOW HER UP BUMBLEBEE, CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR BEING MAD

EPISODE 10

Epic space battle! 

BEE YOU DON”T HAVE A SPACE-FARING ALT MODE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

MACCADAMS

THAT”S...DEFINITELY NOT HOW I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRONOUNCED

RIP buff Rung theory, you will be sorely missed

RATCHET!!! GOSH HE DOES SOUND LIKE A WEIRD NEW YORKER that’s an interesting take on his voice! I wonder how they decided on that

SOUNDWAVE!!! SOUNDWAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!!! AND HE EVEN HAS BACKUP DANCERS!!! Of course the crowd is going wild for him

AW MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS *whispers* datenight

WHEELJACK AND SHOCKWAVE AW THAT”S SO CUTE They’re both dorky science nerds / proud papas to the shocklets and OH MY GOSH DID SHOCKWAVE JUST LAUGH THAT”S SO CUTE

Gosh I love seeing the bots talking about sports that’s adorable

MACCADAM IS TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE goshhh. I still see buff Rung but actually getting to meet Maccadam is pretty neat

DEADLOCK AHHH aw he’s so timid!! I love him :’) 

CHROMIA!!! I LOVE HER!!! And aww she’s making the same argument she does in the comic

OH NO DEADLOCK POOR GUY what a sweetheart, he’s just out here doing his best 

YOOOO MACCADAM THAT”S SICK AS HELL, IM SCREAMING

THIS DUDE DEFINITELY TAKES AFTER HIS PAPA RUNG

I need to draw Mac and Rung together, I NEED to see them hanging out

“To friendship” AW THAT”S SO PRECIOUS GOSHHHH

I CAN”T WAIT TO SEE MORE OF THIS SHOW I LOVE IT

#i talk #primordial robot hell #I'm watching Transformers #cyberverse spoiler #Idk if I need to tag for that #MAN I WENT FROM ''hmm this show seems nice'' to ''THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER'' #I'm watching Cyberverse

[robinruns]

July Blog a Day- Day 25

Your first love

Well, let's go back to 2004. (God that was a long time ago.)

So Bush just won his second term in office and my friends were pissed. I was too, but since I had just turned 17, there wasn't much to be done at that point. And since I didn't want to listen to any more bitching, I peaced out and went to find anyone else to sit with.

I went to the lunch room and found Scott, Nathan F, and Nathan J. I knew Scott and NF from orchestra and I had gym freshmen year with NJ. I plopped my ass down and was like you're my friends now. Being a bunch of nerds without a ton of female contact, they didn't mind.

Scott and I both played cellos we were a bit more friendly and I honestly don't remember how, but our first hang out, date sort of thing was going to see National Treasure. We had some more group hangs, but somewhere in there we got to the point where on St Patrick's Day I said "kiss me, I'm Irish" and he did. (I'm sure the tiny cheerleading skirt I was wearing for the state basketball tourney didn't hurt.)

At one point, I can't remember if it was before or after that, I had a premonition dream that he was gonna hurt his ankle, and then the next week he did.

Anyway! We went into this thing knowing at the end of the school year he was moving to Philly. But we went to prom together and like made out the whole time and just hung out as much as we could until literally the night before he left.

During the last week of school is when we said love you's because we were super emo since he was leaving.

That summer though, me, NF, and another friend Daniel flew out to Philly for like 5 days. Guys, I wasn't even 18 and my Dad literally drove me to O'Hare with 2 teenage boys to visit another teenage boy in another state! Like, my Mom was freaked out that as a 30 year old I was going to Cali, but that was my 18th birthday present?! WTF?!

Anyway, here's the plot twist... THEY MOVED BACK! Just before the school year started and they got the most amazing house on the lake. We spent so much time hanging out when I wasn't in cheer practice.

Another cool thing? We ended up on homecoming court! Apparently our school was pretty well balanced because it was the closest vote in school history, was took the nerd vote, but didn't win.

Fast forward to two days before Valentine's Day he was supposed to come over to get me to hang with friends, but he wanted to go for a walk. I was a ball of anxiety about what was about to happen. Something good? Something bad?

Something bad. He dumped me because he was going to go to school back out in Pennsylvania. And that was it.

I went home, told my Dad and he let me take his truck over to my friend Emily's house. The next day at school was really hard because we had so many routines together, but my friends really stepped up.

As far as first loves go, it was probably just about perfect. I mean it hurt like hell when it ended, but it was like exactly the right amounts of everything. It didn't wreck me for years, and in fact I rebounded with the little brother of a girl I ended up going to college with (and then he graduated the following year and came to our school as well and ended up living next door to the guy I went out with freshman year of college, which was across the hall from Kyle, my current boyfriend. Let me know if you want that whole story as well!). Then I got a crush on that guy's friend (please see my story What Summer Ever Meant To You for a fictionalized version of events). Needless to say, I was ok in the long run.

#july blog a day #personal

[zoebechtle-blog]

Unlikely Chapter 4

Despite my throbbing head, Friday flew by. I tried not to check my phone every 38 seconds, but failed. I wanted him to text me, but he had to do it first. I don’t play by “The Rules” usually (hmmmm, given my dating history, maybe I should try) but out of sheer anxiety I never call or text first. It doesn’t mean that I don’t bite my nails while waiting, however. And more than once I’ve basically bitten a whole finger off waiting for a message that never came. I tried to distract myself at work by helping in the office in between appointments, explaining some procedures to Rose’s replacement (I’m sure telling her the total wrong thing). At lunch I decided to take a walk to occupy myself, but ended up sitting in the tea shop seven doors down eating a chocolate croissant and sipping Earl Grey. I was wearing ballet flats - there’s simply not enough arch support for a walk. Plus, my afternoon appointments didn’t need to see me sweaty. It was in the best interest of my patients. I was a woman of the people.

That evening Carly and I went to see Kinky Boots on the West End. It was my favorite and Carly had gotten box seats through someone at work. We sang like ninnies throughout the show, laughing and carrying on. Afterwards we hit a swank gastro-pub she’d heard about. As we settled in and were chatting about our days, she dropped the bomb I knew she’d been dying to ask, “So, Niall?”

“Nope.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“Yep. Spill.”

“Well yes, young Niall. He’s a friend of a friend. Perhaps you’ve noticed him at quiz night. Blonde thing, Irish?”

Biting into the olive in her martini, she stuck her tongue out at me. “Seems like he’s more than a friend of a friend. You two were almost snogging last night.”

“I was just playing with his hair. It was innocent. I do that to Paulie all the time.”

“Paul doesn’t practically drool on your boobs when you play with his hair. And he doesn’t look that cozy, either.”

“Stop.”

“Z,” she started. “He rea-...”

“No, Carly. I said stop.” I knew my irritation was evident. I had no poker face - anything I thought or felt was always on display. “Listen, he’s really nice and all the other stuff. But it’s nothing. NOTHING.” She tried to interrupt and I held up my hand. “Don’t. I will not get my hopes up. Because every time someone shows me interest I get a little excited, and I am not doing that anymore. It never ends well, and I’m not putting myself through it again. Remember Adam?” I took a long drink of my martini (Ketel One, extra dirty) and stared at her.

“Right. He was a dick.”

“He was a dick who lead me on for two months and then Aaron found out he had a girlfriend in Leeds. And before him there was Sam, and, um, Robbie. In college there was Dave. High school was Sean. And Kyle The Worst.  I’m not doing it. Short of Niall Horan tattooing my name on his ass, I will not believe this is anything more than friendship.” For emphasis, I smacked my hand on the table, startling the tables around us. I eyeballed people who were looking, and stuck my tongue out at a kid about 7 who was staring. Like a sensible human being, he stuck his back out at me.

I’d been unable to get over my hissy fit with Carly, so we called it a night after one drink and no dinner. She hugged me outside of the pub. “Sorry, Z. I didn’t mean to upset you. But don’t shut him down. Friend or whatever, I think he’d be a good guy to keep around.” I nodded at her and hugged her back. I wasn’t mad at her really - she said the same things I would have said if the tables were turned. But Carly didn’t have my history with men, so she couldn’t understand where I was coming from. Sigh. I dug around my purse and found an emergency Valium in my container of miscellaneous pills, swallowing it as the cab sped towards my flat.

I slept late Saturday and Sunday mornings (okay, I sleep late every weekend) and ran errands. I’d begrudgingly let Hannah talk me into hot yoga on the condition that we got pancakes afterwards. I spent the rest of my free time on laundry, had dinner and wine at one of the other therapist’s in my office’s house, and caught up on paperwork. My friends all avoided any mention of Niall - I was assuming Carly had made everyone aware of my meltdown Friday night and they were tiptoeing around me. I was okay with that, though. I didn’t post on Instagram, but went on a few rants on Twitter. Nothing exciting happened, not that I expected it to. Sadly my philosophy on life was to set low expectations and never be disappointed.  

Monday began earlier than I expected when my texts notifications dinged at 6:30 (my alarm was set for 6:45 - those 15 minutes make a huge difference). Having been raised to believe that no good came of late night or early morning phone calls, and having adapted this to texting as well, I fumbled for my phone, knocking it off the nightstand. Trying to get to it as soon as possible (Did someone need bail money? Had my sister-in-law finally snapped and murdered my brother?), I fell off the bed. Happy fucking Monday.

Niall. The text was from Niall. I rubbed the tiny knot rising on my forehead (which I knew would swelll into a goose egg by the time the morning was over), and opened it.

“Dragged everyone to quiz night . Not the same without ya !

“I’m shite at the science questions-wish ya were here Z .”

Holy fuck beans. I was wide awake now. As I processed this info, another text came in.

“Oh, and it’s trivia night here . Not quiz night . Americans ;) .”

That was flirty. It was definitely flirty. There was a wink emoji. I took a screenshot of the conversation and sent it to Hannah.

“HELP!”

“HELP!

“HANNAH LOUISE GET UP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!”

“omg. he texted you! he’s flirting! that’s total flirting!”

“i’m totally squealing for you, btw”

“Right? Me too!”

“what did you say back?”

Fuck. I needed to respond.

“I haven’t. Shit, what do I say?”

“be clever.”

“Oh, that’s helpful.”

“z, it’s 6:40 on a monday morning. you’re lucky i’m awake.”

Okay, I can do this. I carried my phone (like it was my precious baby) into the kitchen while I started my Nespresso. I tried typing in several witty answers and deleted them before I could hit send.

“Sorry, my friend. You hit the quiz night goldmine with us on your first try. And damn those dirty Americans :)”

When I didn’t get a response in a few minutes, I gave up and started to get ready for the day. In the shower (washing your hair actually causes ideas to get loose, I swear) I thought of several comebacks that would have been much better. Damn. No response as I gave my hair a quick blow dry (then gave up and put it in a bun), tossed on my fast weekday makeup (BB cream, a quick swipe of eyeliner, and mascara...lipstick could be done on the tube), and tossed on a pair of gray khakis and a navy sweater. Nothing. Bullocks. I reminded myself that this was the exact reason I didn’t want to get excited about Niall in the first place-it was too easy to get caught up and let my emotions get dictated by someone else. With a concerned effort, I turned off my phone and tossed it in my bag.

When I finished with my 3:00 appointment, one of the part-time admins was standing outside of the treatment room we’d been in. “Zoe, you need to call a Hannah back as soon as possible. She’s called three times since lunch and sounds like she’s really upset. I hope everything is okay.”

Damn it, Hannah, you drama queen. I went into my (tiny) office and retrieved my phone, turning it on. 14 texts from Hannah, 8 from Paul, 2 each from Jess and Carly, and 1 from Brian. She’d sent in the troops. As I scrolled through, I saw one more I’d missed in my initial perusal - Niall. First things first, though: Hannah. I called her extension at work and she picked up, “Jesus Christ, are you okay?”

“Wow, that’s a professional way to answer the phone. I’m fine. Turned my phone off this morning.”

“Did he not text back?” People were shouting numbers behind her and the mere idea of it gave me a rash.

“Not right away, and I didn’t want to keep looking at the phone. Just checked it since you freaking called the hounds out on me. He responded.”

“And?”

“And what? I didn’t read it yet. I called you before Scotland Yard showed up at my office.”  

“Well fucking read it!” her high pitched voice pierced the line. Ouch.

“I’ll text you shortly. Call off the posse, I’m safe.” I ended the call and stared at the phone a minute. Here goes nothing.

“I did hit the jackpot for quiz mates . Brains and beauty .”

I gasped. Literally gasped. And dropped my phone, narrowly missing my mid-afternoon San Pellegrino. Beauty. BEAUTY. But mate. But beauty. But mate. Gah! This is why my spinster plan was a good idea. Copied the text and sent to Hannah with my own “WTF?” note.

I hammered out a quick response, “Yeah, Paul’s quite the catch. You did well.” It was almost 7 am in Los Angeles (thanks, Google, because time zone math always tricked me). I didn’t figure Niall for an early riser, so back in the bag went the phone and I went into my 4:00 with Elliott, one of my favorite kids.

On the tube home I couldn’t resist and looked again. Nothing. So I did what any sensible person would do and ordered eggplant parmigiana take away. I got into my flat, changed into an old t-shirt - pants were totally optional in my house, took out my contacts, and plopped my ass down with my dinner. My Netflix and chill date was Italian and delicious. A little saucy, though.

At 9:30 my phone dinged with a text. I was half asleep and could feel the pattern from the sofa pillow indented in my face. I grabbed it and saw a text from Niall.

“Paul is a nice looking chap . Not who I had in mind, tho .”

Well fuck this, I was no good at playing cute. Trying to come up with a way to come and ask him if he was hinting at liking me, I heard another ding.

“Want to facetime? I’ll turn on the Lumineers and sing to ya .”

Oh, fate, you’re a cruel mistress. I didn’t even want to know what I looked like right now. There was marinara on the front of my shirt, and I’m sure some on my face. I highly doubted that my makeup had lasted for 14 hours. And I had dragon breath. (I know, he wouldn’t be able to smell it because we hadn’t invented that technology yet, but I’d know.) I pondered if I could put him off long enough to take a shower, get a blow out, and properly contour and highlight my face. Instead I opted for a coy response.

“What fun would your singing be if I couldn’t play with your hair?”

“I’m not really up for FT right now - Monday slug night. Talk, though?”

One minute and 43 seconds later, my phone rang.

I finally hung up the phone at 00:18, GMT. My cheeks hurt from the smile I was rocking. At one point I'd laughed so hard as Niall told me about being chased by stadium security guards on his Segway that I got the hiccups. He, in turn, laughed so hard he had a coughing fit. “We’re a right mess, aren’t we?” he said as we both calmed down, an occasional chuckle between us. “Suppose we are. But at least we’re entertaining.” By this time I’d abandoned the living room and crawled into bed, almost purring when my back hit the mattress.

“What are you doing?” he asked in almost a whisper.

“Getting comfy. Just laid down in bed. It’s my happy place.” The silence on the other end of the line was obvious. Did I just freak him out? I wasn’t trying to get all sexy times, I just got into bed. My shirt and panties were still in place, for God’s sake. “Uh, I didn’t mean happy place like sex. Well, I mean, I guess that happens here, too, well, has happened here, but I’m just, um, laying down. Ya know, it’s late and my bed is warm.” The babbling.must.stop. “I just really like to sleep.”

His chuckle calmed my nerves. “I like to sleep, too, Z. I guess I was just thinking about you gettin’ cozy in your pajamas.” The tiny yelp noise I made echoed through my room. And the phone. But before I could get awkward, Niall beat me to it.

“Not perverted. Well, maybe a little.” I could already see him pulling at the front of his hair while he tried to explain himself. He let out that damned adorable chuckle again and continued. “I just think you’d look cute curled up in a big bed with lots of blankets. Probably one your gran made ya or something like that.”

My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode. Unable to handle the sweetness, I laughed and said, “Do you have a camera or something in here? I thought you weren’t being perverted?” And I pulled the quilt my Grandma Bechtel made me in elementary school up closer to my chin. It scared me (in a good way, not a Jamie Dornan in The Fall kind of way) that he could imagine a scenario that was basically right on.

“I’ll keep my perverted thoughts to myself, promise. At least for now.”

Okay, well I’ll be good and goddamned if my panties weren’t on fire. “You’re testing my restraint here, Horan. I’m a good girl.”

“I have a feeling anything I say here is going to lead us down a bad path.” His voice had dropped an octave, though, and I could practically SEE the sexual tension in the air. “And, for the record, uh, I think you’re a very good girl, Z.”

Struggling to keep my heart from actually packing up and abandoning my chest, I managed to respond.  “I think I should say goodnight, Niall. Or good afternoon in your part of the world.” I barely recognized my own voice. It sounded a little higher and throatier than usual. Oh my god. It was my horny voice. I wasn’t usually in a position to actually listen to myself.

“Yeah I guess it is late there. You go and enjoy your beauty sleep. Not that ya need beauty sleep, I just mean I hope you sleep well. You’re already beautiful. Just, uh, sweet dreams, Z.”

Wow.

[thejamaicanweeb]

Mitosis - Soul Division Lesson 1-1: Orientation Daze

Hello Friends! Here is the prologue to this fan fiction!

https://tinyurl.com/obey-me-mitosis-prologue

And here is the link to the previous part! 

https://tinyurl.com/mitosis-fic1-1

And finally, thank you so much for continuing to read! It means a lot =3

Jan 6th 2020, Sunday

Like after the meeting with the Dean, all the planning and packing and saying goodbye everything felt so freaking surreal but at least I can finally identify how else I feel. That’s right folks, I’m pissed as fuck.

           I mean, I was terrified. Like on the verge of collapsing terrified, but I’m also pissed. And tired. Hella tired. Today has been long. Longer than any day I've ever gone through, and man, I have been through some days before, can I tell yuh? The last thing I remember was trying my best to keep my crying quiet as Mummy and Daddy drove us to the airport. I must’ve really looked like a wreck cause Matthew held my hand the whole time and he isn’t a touchy-feely person in the slightest. Like at all. There he goes, being the mature one when he’s supposed to be my baby brother. After a while, I had stopped crying and began looking around at everything and everyone and everywhere. An entire year.  It will be an entire year. What if I forget about my likkle island, ee? [ee: huh] I wanted to remember as much as I could. 

Then I woke up in Hell.

No, yup. I’m not kidding. I woke up in Hell. Heck. The Bad Place...or the “Devildom” which is what these people are calling it.

I didn’t get to say “goodbye” or “I love you”.

Suffice to say, my initial feeling when I woke up was not a happy one.

           I woke up with a jolt, with that same heart-pounding, adrenaline-fueled awakening you get when you have a nightmare about falling. My hands flew up to my face, knocking my glasses off. To add insult to injury, my uncoordinated ass poked myself in the eye. FML.

"OW! What the ever-living frick-" I grumbled, squinting around with my other eye to find them. Thankfully, they hadn't gotten far. I bent over, rubbed them with the corner of my T-shirt and put them back on.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see when the world snapped back into focus.

           The word "room" seemed inadequate to describe the gargantuan space I was in. Huge vaulted stone ceilings arched high above me, reminding me of all the pictures of cathedrals (I know, 'llow me nuh [leave me be]). The sheer scale of it made me feel tiny. I glanced at one of the tall narrow windows and did a double-take, blinking hard.

Nope, I'm not crazy. That is definitely the night sky. Am I dreaming?

Did I reach already? Did I fall asleep without telling mom and dad I reached? Oh crap.

           I knew that I needed to call and let them know that I was ok, but stringing my thoughts into commands that were coherent enough for my limbs to carry out was proving to be quite a challenge. My head was pounding, the pain behind my eyes warning me I was teetering on the edge of a migraine. Reflexively, I reached for my medicine bag. If I get to the Panadol quickly enough, I might be able to fend it off before it gets any worse. No way I'm about to spend my first day in this unknown country throwing up in a dark room.

Aaaand I couldn’t find my bag.

           The idea that my inhalers, allergy meds, BP meds, my *phone*, my *passport* weren't close by made my stomach churn and knot up with anxiety. My already fast breathing got worse. Not exactly what someone wants when you're trying to avoid an attack. I took my glasses off and closed my eyes, willing my surroundings to return to normal. Alas, when I cracked one eyelid open to peak, there was no difference. I groaned and shut them back again.

Focus Sinai. Breathe. Now, what's the last thing you can remember?

           I wracked my brains but I couldn't remember anything beyond driving on Palisadoes Strip to the airport. Don't remember saying goodbye, checking onto the flight; nothing like that. The only seemingly logical conclusion was that I was dreaming. I nodded off during car rides all the time, and Lord knows I've had way more bizarre dreams than this.

So I figured all I have to do is wake up. Simple, right?

I have never been more wrong in my entire life.

           I put my glasses back on and took another look around; more details of my surroundings coming to my attention. I was on a wooden chair that was ornately carved and sturdy. Judging by the (lack of) feeling in my butt, I was probably sitting in it for a long while. I slowly tried to stand up, but my legs weren't having it.

"Woah! Crap!" I had to grab onto the chair handles to keep from falling over as my knees buckled and the pins and needles feeling prickled at the soles of my feet.

As I waited for my legs to work like they used to before (I'm sorry, I had to) I got the biggest shock so far at the time. I was too busy looking up and around me that I missed what was going on right in front of my nose.

           In front of me were 8 wooden chairs, larger and grander than the one I was using for support. The way they were set up kinda reminded me of a courtroom. One was on a dais that was higher than the other seven, which were side by side in a row. Above each of the seven chairs were tapestries with different creatures.Yeah, I know beautiful; but the goddamn tapestries weren't the problem. It was the five strangers that were staring straight at me.

           The anxiety twisted into genuine fear. Every news report I have ever seen heard or read about sex trafficking and abduction and murder came to mind with an irritatingly high level of clarity. I slowly shifted to stand behind my chair, my pulse rushing hard and fast enough to drown out everything other than my now frantic thoughts. The ground beneath my feet began to feel like it was shifting. You know damn well yo' girl held into that damn chair for dear life 'cause droppin' down jus' suh in front of a bag a people mi deeven know? No sah. [fainting in front of strangers? Hell no.]

            In hindsight, now that things have settled down it's not like I coulda done much if dem did try fi do me sumn stillz. My one, deggeh deggeh self against five men. All worse it turns out they weren't what they appeared to be? Anyway, I digress. 

[There wasn’t anything I could really do if they tried to attack me. Me, on my own against these guys?]

            The man sitting on the highest chair stood up and began to walk down from the platform towards me. My heart sank when he drew closer. He was huge. Not just height-wise, but he was built with enough solid muscle that even the conservative bright red military jacket.... coat.... thing.... he wore couldn't hide it. I wouldn't have been surprised if he could pick me up with one hand and I'm not the lightest person. I involuntarily took a step back, causing the chair legs to scrape across the stone slabs.

Ok, I think that I can get good enough leverage to lift and swing this is this guy tries anything... afterwards...well I'll work that out when I come to it.

           He stopped a few feet from me. I could see his face clearly now. His auburn hair lay on his forehead with his left sweeping bangs nearly covering his bright, golden-brown eyes. His nails were painted black, but what stood out the most was the gentle smile on his face. His arms were open in the universally known "I mean you no harm" gesture. I let go of the back of the chair.

           Now I know, I know. I'm naïve, stupid, overly trusting. Whatever. You're probably right; but for whatever reason, at that moment I had a gut feeling that this guy wasn't going to hurt me. I mean, he could have when I was unconscious, right? Fuck, maybe he could even tell me what the heck was going on here.

"Welcome to the Devildom, Sinai"

Aaaaand there goes my little bubble of trust ‘cause how on earth does he know my name? Did he jack my ish? I shivered and started to look around again, keeping an eye out for possible escape routes this time.

           No such luck. See here's the problem. There is no "flight" option for me under the best of circumstances. Yo' girl is *not* a runner. I can kick, I can punch but I cannot run. The closest set of doors were these towering heavy-looking dark stained wooden ones that I wasn't even sure I could budge; let alone throw open and run through them. Plus, I'm pretty sure that this guy would be able to catch me without even needing to run.

           My lack of response and the look on my face was clearly a dead giveaway to the guy that I was T-Minus 10 seconds from completely and utterly losing my shit. He crossed his arms, his eyebrows drawn together in what seemed like genuine concern.

"Feeling a bit shocked, are we?"

No shit Sherlock! I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself from expressing *that* particular sentient aloud. And while we're at it, WTF is a 'Devildom'?

"As a human, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom.”

Pop quiz guys! What do you think the phrase "As a human" implies here?

That's right! This guy was something other than a human being!

I was fully waiting (And hoping. And praying) for a hidden camera crew to appear, laugh at me and send me along my merry way. Just something, anything that made more sense than what was happening right now.

"The Devildom?" I heard myself parrot back at him, hating how high pitched and false my voice sounded. I swear that it jumps up a whole octave when I'm stressed.

The man... can I even still call him that after that whole human comment? Anyway, he smiled and nodded at me encouragingly.

"Yes, exactly the Devildom. I can see you catch on quickly. Excellent"

"I wouldn't exactly call that 'catching on' Imma be real with you chief," I muttered softly enough for him to miss.

"My name is Diavolo."

Finally, a name. Why not lead with that fam? I nodded and gave him a brief, tight-lipped smile only for his next statement to bring me to a screeching halt mentally, physically, shit, even spiritually.

"I'm the ruler of all the demons and all here know of me"

The note of authority and pride were so clear, I believed him with no doubt.

A wave of nausea that had nothing to do with my impending crushed me like a tsunami.

           Now I will not lie, it's been a good while since I've been to church. I grew up Anglican and may have forgotten a lot of stuff, but I was pretty damn certain that the general idea was to end up high above in the clouds, not underground or wherever. My hands started trembling and my palms were sweating. The buzzing in my ears made everything else seem fuzzy. I needed to listen to these warning signs. I needed to get out of there and fast, otherwise I would be a crying, hyperventilating ball of absolute panic. Lord knows how long. I kept screaming at myself to calm down, but I could. Not. Get. A. Grip.

Did I die? Am I dead?

Is my family dead? Where are they?

Was that the last time I've seen Mummy and Daddy and Mattie again?

Oh, God. Oh my God. Lawd 'ave mercy. Is whe mi do? What did I do?

           Shadows appeared at the edges of my vision like little blobs of ink. My heart was making my chest ache, it was going so fast. Much too fast, it can't sustain this. I would die. I knew it. If I hadn't died, I certainly was going to then. Or maybe that's what Hell... the Devildom is. Dying over and over again.

           I didn't even feel myself being lead through a pair of glass doors onto a balcony until the cool breeze caused my skin to come to life with goose pimples. Diavolo had led me outside. For a terrifying moment my frenzied, irrational lizard brain swore that he was going to push me over the edge, but no. He had just put an open palm on my back to steady me. He bent down to get closer to my level.

"Sinai, I know this must be scary and a terrible shock and I offer my sincerest apologies for that," he said quietly, his eyes earnest. I nodded jerkily, a puppet with an anxious puppeteer. "Breathe. I'm not going to hurt you."

           He straightened back up and gestured to the view below speaking out loud, making it seem like he had simply intended to show me the different parts of the campus. For that I was grateful. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. I focused on the feeling of the balcony railing I was gripping on to. I focused on the warmth of the hand pressed to my back. I focused on the cool night air of the foreign land with a combination of smells that woke me up and bewitched me at the same time. I opened my eyes so I could truly take in the sprawling kingdom... Devildom in front of me. Windows of buildings glowed every hue imaginable. A castle with huge spires towered over the immediate town and mountains silhouetted by the moon towered over that. As afraid as I was, I had to admit that the sight was breathtaking. I was calm enough to sit down and list things I was fairly certain of.

Ok so here we go

1.      I'm not dead. (...at least not right now. Ugh, stop being dramatic)

2.      I'm not dreaming either

3.      I don't seem to be in any immediate danger

It took me a moment to realize that Diavolo had stopped talking.

"Do you have any questions, Sinai?"

Fifty thousand and one of them. But the one I wanted to be answered most urgently was overridden by a query so bizarre yet important if I really was in a foreign land. 

“Was I decontaminated before you bought me to this place?” 

Diavolo frowned and glanced at the others sitting in the chairs. Everyone looked baffled. Not a good sign.

“... No… why would that be necessary?” the prince’s voice was slow and calm, but the concern on his face refused to be hidden.

I stepped back, away from him and the others. I didn’t even have on my mask, Mummy had had me wearing one from the get-go since I was part of the “at-risk” population.

“There’s a virus that’s going around. Like spreading everywhere, fast. I don’t wanna bring it here. I mean, I don’t have it, but just to be safe…” 

I trailed off since I had started stumbling over my own words too much to be making much sense. The room was silent before they started laughing. Now I was confused. Diavolo (much to my eternal shame) ruffled my hair.

“Hey!” my voice cracked and came out as a squeak. I felt my face warming up. Fight me, damnit! The Prince chortled, completely unbothered.

“Sinai, I’m touched by your concerned but rest assured, it would take a very severe illness to be a serious threat to us.”

"Ok, just making sure,” I mumbled, “So then... why am I here?" At that moment, some movement from the chairs behind Diavolo caught my attention.

"I will explain everything to you."

The goosebumps were back, not because of fear this time. To be honest, I'm still not sure why they came back, but come back they did. This man's voice was deeper, more aloof. His fair skin was a stark contrast to his ebony hair, and he was within inches of Diavolo's height. When I made eye contact, I inhaled sharply. Black bleeding into burgundy, which then shifted to a bloody crimson. I glanced away, but I still felt like I was being scanned or X-rayed. It was bizarre.

Apparently that man was Lucifer. The Lucifer.

Well, shit. Lord, help me.

Oh well. At least I'd finally be learning what's happening.

                                ψ(._. )> S T A G E    C H A  N G E ψ(._. )>

The top half of the door of the RAD bookshop was ajar. It looked forlorn without the demon who normally ran it leaning over the counter. Down the aisles, deep into the recesses of the store, the glow of a laptop caused the merchandise to cast warped shadows on the walls. Two demons scrutinized the screen, the bars representing the popularity contest results reflected in their eyes. 

“Huh,” the taller of the two ran a hand through his already messy white hair, “Ya actually managed to pull it off,”

“Told you I got this,” His friend’s bright grin stood out against his rich deep brown complexion His grin shifted into a smug smirk as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

Mammon shrugged, shaking his head.

“I just thought it would take a while, ya know?”

“You really think I’d set up an online ballot and not leave a back door for myself?” Mephistopheles snorted, closing the windows. Mammon smirked and gave the shorter demon a high five.

“See, this is why I keep ya around Phis! He crowed as he dropped into the chair beside Mephistopheles, causing it to roll back with his momentum. 

“Yeah, it has nothin’ to do with the fact that I work somewhere full of merchandise. Put that watch down, you bastard,” Mephistopheles retorted, the laughter in his voice taking the sting out of his words.

“Can’t get anythin’ past you,” The Avatar of Greed put the yellow-gold timepiece he had been fiddling with back on its shelf. “The flat top works for ya by the way,”

“Oh I know,” The demon was using his front camera to survey his jade-green style “and I was talking about the one from a week ago,”

Mammon froze for a moment, then whirled around.

“What the- how did ya even- did you get cameras installed or somethin’?” he spluttered.

“I didn’t” Mephistopheles admitted, taking a swing from his sports drink “but I do keep track of my stock and something wasn’t adding up…”

Mammon’s mouth was half open in protest, but a good comeback escaped him. He settled for throwing the other demon a look of wide-eyed reproach 

“Hey, no fair, you played dirty,” he grumbled. 

“Yeah yeah, come get your DDD, it’s ringing,” Mephistopheles said as he scooted backwards, Mammon’s DDD in hand. Mammon snatched it from him as he went past.

“Better answer quick It’s Lucifer” he warned, stopping himself and starting to roll back from where he came from. He cringed, sympathetic, as he saw the blood drain from his friend’s face.

“Good luck,” he said, getting up and sauntering to the storefront.

Mammon hurriedly cleared his throat before sliding the phone icon to the side.

“Yoooo,” he said, his leg jittering up and down.

“Yo, waah g’waan?”

Mammon recoiled and squinted at the phone. No, he didn’t misread the caller ID. The voice certainly wasn’t Lucifer, though. It was friendly with an easy-going accent he was sure he had heard somewhere before, but he couldn’t place it. The fact that the speaker was female was the biggest give away. But it didn’t sound like any of the witches either. His expression darkened as he concluded that he was being duped. He wasn’t amused. 

“Are ya foolin’ around? Who the hell are ya?” he demanded.

“Woah, calm yourself an’ watch the attitude, fam” the voice shot back. He heard her sigh, and she spoke again, “Sorry. I’m Sinai?”

Well, that was a name he hadn’t heard in a few millennia……. 

“What, you mean like the mountain?”

She snickered “Nah, well I-yes, but actually no… I’m a human, not a geographical feature”

“Ah gotcha,” Mammon replied, nodding before he fully processed what he heard. “Wait what? A human? Why didn’t ya start with that? Had me getting chills over here,” he griped. 

He finally let the tension leave his body and he leaned against the wall. His brow unknitted slightly as she laughed softly again.

“Yeah, my bad. Any-”

“So,” he said, cutting her off as he inspected his nails, “what business does a human got with THE Mammon?”

“Oh ‘The Mammon’ huh?” she asked sardonically “Lol aite then. Well, congrats, you’re in charge of me for the next year.”

Mammon snorted as he peeled himself off the wall and began to wander around the store aimlessly

“Human, I don't know who you think you are, but ya got the wrong demon,” A warning note crept into his voice. In the back of his mind he toyed with the idea of just hanging up, but he had to admit he was a bit curious about how this human even knew his number.

“Who are you anyway and whaddya mean by “be in charge of you”?

He met Mephistopheles’ eyes. The stockier demon looked about as baffled as Mammon felt. They both shrugged and Mephistopheles took his computer back to the front with him. He turned his attention back to the phone; the human was saying something else.

“Bruh, why yuh sound more lost than I do? Do I have the wrong number?” she was getting exasperated.

“AAH!” Mammon clapped a hand to his forehead as it finally clicked, “Oh yeah, I remember you’re the other human.”

“Well yeah, who else would I be?”

“Who knows? Anyway, g’luck with that whole babysitter thing. See ya~”

He was about to end the call when he heard other voices in the background from her end of the call. The human said something to someone else before her voice got clearer again.

“Yo, Lucifer wants you,”

Mammon rolled his eyes and let go of the notebook he was absent mindedly flipping through. Not even two minutes into their first conversation and this chick was already shaping up to be a real pain in the ass. Plus, it seemed she was taking him as a joke.

“Pfft whatever,” he said, dismissively, “Ya think that THE Mammon would listen to ya just ‘cause you’re tryin’ to scare me with that name?”

A deep, familiar voice answered instead, making his hair stand on end and sweat start to bead on his forehead. 

“You’ve got 10 seconds,” Lucifer’s voice made his stomach sink, “9...8…”

“YESSIR!” 

Mammon vaulted over the bottom half of the door, leaving a chuckling Mephistopheles in his wake. He was fuming.

“Get me in trouble with Lucifer right off the bat huh?” he muttered darkly “Just ya wait, human, by the time I’m through with ya you’ll be beggin’ Diavolo to send ya back home.”

#swd obey me #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me fandom #obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer #swd lucifer #obey me lucy #obey me mammon #obey me original character #obey me oc #obey me female mc #swd mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #swd leviathan #swd levi #obey me satan #swd satan #swd obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #swd asmodeus #swd asmo #swd obey me asmo #swd oc #swd otome #otome fanfic #otome fandom #otome oc

[brotatochip]

Omfg tell me more about the kidnapping story

ALriGHty then FriEnd. Here we go. So I live in California generally by San Francisco, but this summer I flew to Montana (If you’re not from the US, it’s about 2000 miles away, right below Canada) by myself to spend 6 weeks with my extended family that I rarely get to see. So It was like August 1st or whatever, it was a tuesday. And let me clarify, Montana is like the 3rd biggest state or some shit but it is literally Cowboy™Hell™. Their capital city Helena (where we were might I add) only has a population of 31,169. Now, I cant speak for all of y’all reading this, but that is small as fuck. I’m not gonna tell you where I live, but the population of my SMALL city is 84,950. AND MY CITY IS TINY. Like binch get some people. Anyways,,, so I was staying with my cousin Mackenzie and we told her literal trash piece of a mom that we were going to stay the night at her friend Olivia’s house. So we went to Olivia’s and did our makeup and fucked around and decided we wanted to go out. So where do you go when you’re in  Cowboy™Hell™ with population of 31,169? Walmart. So at this point when we are done fucking around and gettin ready and shit, its like 10pm. No matter where you are in the world, all Walmarts are the same. e v e r y w h e r e. When you step into a Walmart you get that feeling and it’s what keeps the world together. So when we go to Walmart, we literally fuck around there for like an hour, and we get some Rockstar energy drinks bc what’s more suspicious than 3 teenagers,, one with bright ass dyed red hair (me,,),,, buying a bottle of chemicals to consume at 11pm,, :)) So let me clarify, there is a “city”-wide curfew from 11pm to 5:30am,, and my cousins terrible excuse of a mom doesnt know we are out. So we leave walmart and we just chill in Mackenzie’s (cousin) car deciding wtf we should do. And then we remember, we know someone with a cute ass dog. This dog is literally the cutest dog anyone has ever seen, not even exaggerating. She is like a 6 week old Australian shepherd mix and she looks like the physical embodiment of if Trump got impeached (the literal best thing in the world). So this chick who owns this dog let’s us come meet her so we can like pet sit the dog for the night. So obviously, we go get this dog,, i mean,,,,, who wouldn’t want to be with the cutest dog  e v e r. So we go get this dog and we were just chillin and talking to the girl for a while so now its like 12am. So now there’s just 3 suspicious looking teenagers with literally nothing to do in  Cowboy™Hell™. And now we have a dog. So let me tell you about Olivia real quick. She has been living off energy drinks for the last 3 years, she’s not the BIGGEST fan of the dog (for some reason..), and her life goal is to go take pictures on all of the statues in  Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169. And thats what we go to do. We drive downtown and take this cute ass puppy who is no bigger than a football and we start walking around downtown. Now,, as much as I love this dog, I said we probably shouldn’t take it because she can’t walk for that long,, but no,, Kenzie wanted to take her,, So we did. So we walk around with this cute ass dog downtown at like 1am with no one else there and no form of protection,, i know,,,,, smart. In Cowboy™Hell™, there’s a large statue of a propeller on top of a small hill in like the middle of downtown. So we all start walking up this hill so Olivia can achieve her life goal,, well the dog was getting tired or something because it kept like stopping on it’s way up. So Olivia and I went up the hill to the propeller while Kenzie stayed with the dog and tried to get it to come. About 2 minutes after we went up the hill,, Kenzie came running up to the top holding the dog and saying “dude there’s a guy coming up the hill”,, none of us actually thought this was fucking terrifying bc there’s just some random ass guy at 1am,,, but we are all antisocial fucks so obviously talking to him was what we were worried about. But just as Kenzie told us, we saw the guy which freaked tf out of her because she said he would have had to RUN,,,, to be that close to us that soon. So you know when you’re chasing your sibling and theres one of you on each side of the table or the couch or whatever? yeah,,,, that’s what we did with this guy,.. We attempted to ‘hide’ behind the propeller (it was literally the most pathetic thing i’ve ever done, we were all laughing and joking like “oh fucc he’s probably a murderer lmao” (as we needed to be fucking quiet) and as he walked by he said something but none of us know what he said. it was really short but idk. So he went into this tunnel that’s filled with graffiti that’s literally right behind the propeller statue and then we actually had some logic and were like o shit we should probably go,,,,,, so we all like ran down the other side of this hill,, and let me remind you,, we are still holding this goddamn dog,, that i said we shouldn’t take.. We were all laughing like omg we are gonna get raped lmfao (which we shouldnt joke about but some creepy ass dude just walked by us at 1:30 am like tf). So we were just chillin and then we notice, this guy started walking down the hill. Towards us. Now we are actually creeped the fuck out and we starting to think like oh shit is this guy actually following us,, so we start walking away, making sure to keep looking at him to see if hes still following us. Okay, sidenote; I currently have a balloon tied to my wrist (i found it while climbing statues earlier), I am holding a book that we also found, Olivia is holding the dog because the puppy can’t run with us, and Kenzie is holding a book and Olivia’s energy drink. It’s 1:30 am in the middle of  Cowboy™Hell™ population 31,169 and some guy is now following us. But we wanted to make sure he was following us, so we went around a building and he also went around us, confirming that he is indeed,, a complete psychopath. So we run around the building to the other side and we check to see if he’s still there. Also,, this  e n t i r e  time, we only ever saw him walk. He never ran. Which lowkey made it even MORE fucking terrifying. So me, having common sense, think O SHIT, THERE’S SOME RANDOM ASS GUY FOLLOWING US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,, WE SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THE COPS,,,,, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,, nah.. that idea was shut down immediately when Olivia brought up, the curfew. Hmmmmm,,,,, face parents or get raped/murdered????,,,,, obviously the latter. So now it’s probably 2am. At this point, we start to worry a bit, and by ‘worry a bit i mean start freaking the fuck out. Like, we could legitimately die depending on what this guy’s intentions were. Without Kenzie or I even noticing, Olivia picks up a rock in case she needs a weapon,,, like a rock would protect against a gun or knife or some shitt,,, but its okay. And while all of this is happening,,,,,,,,,, we are still holding this cute ass dog. So we decided we need to GO. But the guy is between us and the car. So we run across the street and hide in this little area in the trees. He sees us and starts walking down the MIDDLe of the street.  Creepy as FUCK. So we start running,, with my balloon, two books, an energy drink and a puppy. We ran to this old walking street thing that goes uphill, and they have a bunch of historical buildings or something. We can see the first building has like a back yard so we hop the stone fence and hide back there. I put my balloon on the doorknob to the building so that it wouldn’t fly away, and the guy couldn’t see where we were (ik,, smart af). We set the dog down and take a few moments to chill and breathe and think about what we are gonna do. This building is right on the street and right across from a park, so olivia tries to go look and see if the guy is still there, and she accidentally hit a huge metal thing which made the LOUDEST sound ever. So take a moment to ask yourself, what the fuck would you do if some creepy ass dude was following you at 2am in the middle of a “city” that you dont live in? Well shitt just die apparently. So we started talking and we were like fuck, we need to get the hell out of here, now. At this point, our car is like .7 miles away and we are all lazy ass motherfuckers who don’t run,, e v e r. But I guess it’s our only option. So we have to run this, while carrying two books, an energy drink, and a dog. You might ask you might ask yourself, why still carry the books and energy drink?? Are they really that important??? Yes. We sneak out onto the street to see if he’s even still there, and then we see this dicknugget stand up. He was sitting in the park, waiting for us. And then we started running. Now, running back to our car was a whole other adventure just by itself. We are running slightly downhill, which makes us go faster. We don’t even bother looking to see this guy because  nyoom nyoom gotta go fast – We start sprinting down this road,, and then we hear a car coming. It’s gotta be going like 60 mph down this goddamn road at 2am and they see 3 teenage girls sprinting. Just a normal day in  Cowboy™Hell™ apparently because if you see three people running as fast as they can down a road in the middle of the night, you might stop to see if they’re okay? nahhhh. guess nott. Not to mention, Olivia and I almost got ran over by this goddamn car because we are running in the middle of the street. Meanwhile, we still have 2 books, an energy drink, and a puppy (who at this point is probably traumatized just like the rest of us).. So we just keep running for what seemed like forever (it was probably like 2 minutes), and then,, I drop my book. And me,, being the dumbass that I am,,, i stop to pick it up. Don’t ask me why I risked my life to pick up a book that we randomly found,, a book that i dont need,, a book that later we found out to be erotica,, because i do. not. know. Ya know, I always had this mental picture that if, for some reason, I had to run for my life, my body would trade in my out-of-shape, asthma-stricken lungs for super-lungs from the adrenaline or something– BOI WAS I WRONG. My lungs felt like they were on fire. Like actually burning. So what do I do? I’m literally being chased by a murderer but I really dont wan’t to run.. Well fuck, guess i’ll just die. I start walking because FUCK IT, my out of shape ass needs to chill. Then Kenzie see’s that I am walking she was like THANK GOD i’m tired too. Meanwhile Olivia is way ahead of us, and she looks back to see us,,, and we are walking, and she was like “what the fuCk are you DoiNG ??”. So kenzie and I work up the strength to start running again; and then we see it,,, our car. We unlock the car and just sit. All of us out of breath, scared shitless, apparently Olivia still had her rock, and my first thought after this was all done? I want my balloon. While all these events were occurring, Kenzie was texting her friend what was happening. We went and picked up Kenzie’s friend and his friend who was staying with him. Now it’s like 3am. We almost just got murdered/raped/kidnapped/whatever, the cute ass dog is sleeping in the car, and now we have two guys with us. weLL HEy, I haVe A gREat iDeA; LET’s GO GET MY BALLOON. So we drove the car for another 20 minutes and went back to the same place we almost died; I know, smart. Just a quick reminder that Cowboy™Hell™’s “city”-wide curfew is 11pm… and its 3am,,,. So we park in the same exact spot we were parked 2 hours earlier when we were being stalked by some creepy motherfucker and we got out. We showed the guys what happened place by place, we got my balloon, and then we were just chillin on the street. We saw some car down the street driving towards us and Kenzie made some tdumbass joke like “lmao watch that be the sheriff”, Well GUESS WHO THE FUCK IT WAS??? YOU GuESseD rIGhT mY FrIENd. the sheriff. Quick reminder: curfew. If that sheriff stops, not only do we look fuckin suspicious af just chillin in the middle of downtown on a tuesday at 3am, they will call our parents. And we cant have that.. So what do you do when you’re in Cowboy™Hell™ and can’t get caught by the cops? Run. We all get off our asses and book it, and hide in some bushes for about 10 minutes until the coast was clear,, well we thot anyways,,,, we were walking down the street and he came around again and guess what? We all run for like 20 minutes back to our damn car and drive. BYE BITCH. None of our parents know we are out, so where tf do we go now? Can’t go home. My home is 2000 miles away. Well what perfect place to be in Cowboy™Hell™ then the CHURCH. We legitimately spent a good 3 hours in the church parking lot because where else we gonna go? back to Walmart? Probably,,, then its about 7am and we drove to some park. Welllllll,, since its Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169, EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS EACH OTHER. My cousin’s neighbor came jogging by at 7 in the goddamn morning (who does that, get a life, sleep in, just stahp,,) and recognizes our car and guess what happens now? He calls our parents :))))))) Thanks for being a snitching ass little bitch,, because then my cousin’s mom drives up and says heyyyyyy, get your asses home :)) Well guess where we didn’t go? home. Guess where we went instead? Of all the places in Cowboy™Hell™ with a population of 31,169, we went to Walmart. 

#i literally spent years typing this #ok to rb #yikes #bookmark

[cicinicole-14]

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. 

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor. 

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros: 

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother* 

good science program so I can be a dr?? 

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons: 

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home 

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them. 

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc… 

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked. 

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college. 

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college. 

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college. 

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart 

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that. 

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked. 

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old. 

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop. 

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things. 

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird. 

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it. 

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses. 

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for… 

college is stressful. 

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting. 

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too. 

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier. 

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow. 

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush. 

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table… 

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically. 

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici 

#coco’s college story #personal

[rememberthattime]

Chapter 28. Rothenburg

It’s fall again, our third autumn in Europe.

Every year, I write about how much I love this season: crisp air, colorful leaves, scarves, football... People (Chelsay) say Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but they’re wrong. Sorry hun, you can’t beat sweater-weather, brisk walks, and crunchy leaves.

Along with the above “basics”, Chelsay and I have started another autumn tradition since moving to Europe: an annual trip to Germany. There’s just something enchanting about fall in Germany that’s brought us back each year. The goulash is heartier, the deep forests are more colorful, and the foggy countryside is spookier. Plus the Germans say “Hallo” as their greeting. 

In 2015, Chelsay and I visited Munich and the hero view at Neuschwanstein. In 2016, we visited Berlin, taking in the city’s sobering history. Now, for round three, Chelsay and I spent the weekend in Rothenburg ob der Tauber, a romantic half-timbered town left 800 years in the past.

Before getting to Rothenburg though, let me talk more about fall: it’s undeniably the best season.

I mentioned Chelsay and I’s brisk walks earlier, and we really took those to a new level this fall. See, one of our favorite things about London is the peaceful, wild, unpolluted nature of the city’s parks. I already wrote about the greatness of these green slices of heaven(Chapters 13 and 14), and this autumn, we returned to all the classics: Richmond, Hampstead, Hyde, and Regents.

We didn’t settle for just the classics though... We also introduced the world-renowned Kew Gardens into our catalogue, and even took a long day-trip to the Cotswolds (which I’d written about in Chapter 6).

Quick time check though: it’s Halloween as I write this (Happy Birthday Matt!), and I bring that up because the Wedding post is still not 100% done... two full months after September 4th. That post is way more important, so although I could write more about our fall weekends, I’ll stop digressing and move on to Germany.

Rothenburg ob der Tauber is one of the most well-preserved medieval towns in the entire world. Though it’s certainly known to tourists, the village has kept its half-timbered charm thanks largely to how difficult it is to visit.

Nuremberg, the 14th biggest city in Germany, is the closest airport. Flights in are understandably rare to such a small city, and even if you’re lucky enough to find one, it’s still another two hour train ride into the Bavarian countryside. I looked hard into easier alternatives, but Rothenburg was consistently listed as THE village to visit. We’d have to make it work.

Chelsay and I ended up taking a later Friday night flight into Nuremberg, staying near the central station so we could easily find a train the next day. Despite arriving around 11, we took a quick and chilly stroll around the old town’s famous sites.

The next morning, after a necessary coffee but unnecessary Bavarian crème-filled donut, we caught the early train to Rothenburg. Thanks to season 2 of Stranger Things, the two-hour trip flew by and we’d arrived before we knew it. 

From the train station just outside of town, it was hard to see much: like most medieval villages, Rothenburg is surrounded by a tall fortress wall. Passing through the main gate though (moat and drawbridge included), Chelsay and I were instantly transported back into the 13th century.

With Stranger Things in mind, Rothenburg was some sort of time-warped version of the Upside Down: unchanged since the 1200s despite 800 years of advancement happening just outside the city gates.

It’s like the fortress wall is the membrane separating the two worlds: outside, the modern world continues as we know it, while inside, the town is blissfully ignorant to current events.

Picture the town from Pinocchio… because Rothenburg was literally its inspiration.

The central street is cobbled and wobbly. The timber-framed buildings are quaint and cozy, but dangerously teetering. Wrought iron posts stretch from each shop door, signifying each store’s offering: the baker hangs a pretzel, the butcher a cow, and so on.  Colorful flowers adorn every window frame, and the red roof tiles mirror the town’s name, Rothenburgh: “red fortress”. Finally, rising 200 feet, the town’s many guard towers cap your line of sight.

Chelsay and I felt like Hansel and Gretel… 800 years ago, a feudal peasant could have been standing in the same spot. As he looked around, likely dirty and illiterate (hence the sign posts), he would have taken in this exact view.

We quickly dropped off our bags at the beautiful Hotel Eisenhut before heading out for the day. Soon, we grabbed lunch at restaurant whose name matched the traditionally German setting, Reichsküchenmeister, and enjoyed an equally traditional meal of spaetzle and goulash.

The hearty meal was perfect before stepping back into frigid fall air. Coming from mild London, October in Germany feels cold every time we visit. In both our 2015 and 2016 autumn visits, I specifically wrote about our frequent hot chocolate breaks, thawing at Beluga in Munich or Fassbender & Rausch in Berlin. The weather wasn’t any different this year, so Chelsay and I made regular and necessary stops.

Between cups of hot chocolate, we joined our go-to guide Rick Steves for an audio tour through Rothenburg. I’d compare these audio tours to studying a painting: the painting is aesthetically pleasing without any explanation, but to fully appreciate its beauty, you have to know the story.

So what did Rick teach us?

First, in the 1330s, this tiny village was one of the 20 largest in the Holy Roman Empire, with a population of 5,500. For reference, my current apartment has around 1,000 tenants! There are only two main streets in this entire town, yet it was one of the 20 largest cities in 14th Century Europe. …Basically no one lived “in-town”, which gives you an idea of how farming-dependent the world was back then.

Regardless, as one of the “large” cities in the world, Rothenburg was included in the Church’s Holy Blood pilgrimage, where Christ’s blood was distributed throughout the Catholic world. The city retained the relic, and it is still on display 700 years later, encased in an intricately carved wooden altar.

Fast forward 300 years (or the ENTIRE history of the US!) to the 1630s. Rothenburg, a Lutheran city, fell during the Thirty Years’ War between Catholics and Protestants. There were few survivors, and shortly after, the bubonic plague killed most of the town’s remaining residents. The town stopped growing, thus preserving the medieval appearance still present today.

Finally, in the late 1800s the town was rediscovered and quickly drew interested tourists. By the 1930s, Rothenburg was recognized as one of “the most German of German towns,” and therefore gained popularity with Adolf Hitler. Hitler believed Rothenburg was the finest example of what a German hometown should be, and stationed troops nearby to protect the celebrated village.

By 1945, things weren’t looking good for Hitler. The Allies were pushing into Germany and had Rothenburg surrounded. US troops were given the order to bomb the small village, but aware of its historical significance, gave the Nazi soldiers an opportunity to quietly surrender. Ignoring Hitler’s orders to fight to the death, the Germans raised their white flag, thus saving the town.

After the Rick Steves tour, Chelsay and I raised our white flag too. We retired back to the hotel to rest our legs and warm up over several episodes of Stranger Things 2.

Once sufficiently thawed, Chelsay and I visited Zur Holl (translated: “To Hell”). Pun absolutely intended, our meal at this creaky medieval restaurant was one hell of an experience. First off, this place dates back to 900! WTF!? Is that hygienically safe for a kitchen? Is it structurally sound? Why is this timber building so reliant on candle light!?

Chelsay and I calmed our nerves with some phenomenal Franconian wine. It was bitter at first, but we quickly developed a taste for the regional specialty.

Then, the real Halloween treat: the food itself. We started with traditionally German brown bread and “butter”. The quotation marks were included on the menu too, but it was tasty so we didn’t ask about it until after we finished (turns out the secret ingredients was lard).

Our main courses were even better than the “butter”. Chelsay got the ribs, which were delicious, but the real star was my veal meatballs and potato dumplings.

I took one bite and was immediately bewildered. Chelsay saw my confused face and hesitantly asked if it was good… “SO good.” Chelsay tried and had the same reaction. We were stumped. What made these meatballs so flavorful?? You think of meatballs as bland, but these were juicy, salty, oniony and absolutely PACKED with flavor. We were pleasantly perplexed, but to be safe, didn’t make the mistake of asking for the secret ingredient this time.

Finally, for dessert, Chelsay and I tried the restaurant’s very autumn special: fried apples. The warm, doughy rings came with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, topped with seasonally appropriate cinnamon spice.   …There’s a reason this restaurant has been around for over 1,000 years.

In an attempt to work off our heavy meal, we took a brief walk around the quiet town at night before retiring to the hotel for more Stranger Things.

We woke up slowly the next day. I’ve written about this in my last few posts (Bologna, Azores, Croatia), but Chelsay and I have certainly slowed our travel pace. For Munich in Chapter 1, our Friday night flight landed at midnight and we still made an 8 AM train to Neuschwanstein the next morning. After two years and 28 chapters, that’s not happening anymore.

Our measured pace wasn’t a bad thing though: it was rainy anyway. We enjoyed a slow breakfast at the hotel, staying safely dry while watching the stormy weather outside.

The weather improved later in the morning, but Chelsay and I still maintained a slow pace. We walked around the city’s mile-long fortress wall while taking in the views. One side story here: the planks that we were walking along were timber, but especially slick from a combination of leaves and the rain earlier. Chelsay held her eyes on the city for a step too long and peeled out… She didn’t quite fall, but did what I can only describe as the Russian folk dance where you lean back and kick wildly.

After her traumatic experience, we decided she’d earned a treat and swung by the town’s Christmas Market.

I said that somewhat offhandedly, but this place was serious business: these shops (one store that takes up two side-by-side buildings) are each three storeys and are completely decked out in glass ornaments, cuckoo clocks, wooden trains, and German Christmas pyramids. Chelsay was in heaven (just look at her face), and we browsed around the winter wonderland for at least an hour.

Our flight home was very late that evening. This is something I try to avoid on Sundays, but there just aren’t many flights to London from the 14th biggest city in Germany…

With the extra time, Chelsay and I leisurely made the return trek from Rothenburg to Nuremberg, binging a few more episodes of Stranger Things on the way. We actually finished the 9 episode season... in one weekend... while we were traveling. Is that an accomplishment?

Nuremberg actually has some historical significance itself so, after returning, we spent the rest of the day exploring the city.

Given its central location in Germany, Adolf Hitler selected Nuremberg as a rallying site for Nazi conventions. The rallies, which were held in Zeppelin Field from 1927 to 1938, attracted hundreds of thousands of Germans from across the country. Anytime you picture a Nazi rally (thousands of soldiers saluting as Hitler fanatically howls from a white grandstand, with massive Nazi banners waving in the background), you’re thinking of Nuremberg. The propaganda film Triumph of the Will was made to commemorate these rallies.

Based on the success of the Nuremberg rallies, Hitler began building a congress in the city, intended to host 50,000 Nazi leaders for the Fuhrer’s annual speech. It was built in the style of the Roman Colosseum, but would be twice as large.

Needless to say, it was never used for Hitler’s intended purpose. Instead, it’s a parking lot today.

I mentioned that my wedding post still isn’t 100% done, so I need to wrap this one up. I’ll close this post by saying that our third autumn trip to Germany provided exactly what we’d hoped: hearty goulash, colorful forests, and spooky sites, just as Munich & Berlin had provided before.

With our likely return to the States later this year, it may be awhile before our fourth “annual” autumn trip to Germany. Luckily, Rothenburg was the type of fairy tale village we’ll fantasize about until next time.

...The town hasn’t changed for 800 years, so when we finally do return, I’m betting it will be just as we remembered.