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#i also do not see him as a whiskey person at all but that’s neither here nor there jfksjds
imurasakaw · 1 year
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is he...is that…is he drinking bourbon...is he toasting his friends with bourbon...
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lure-of-writing · 20 days
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His little sister
Summary: Azriel point of view of the things you do as Rhysands little sister (This should be read only after reading all in a days work and knock before you enter otherwise it probably won't make any sense as you need the know what happened in the other two for this to make sense )
word count: 2.5 k
Note: Hello! For a while I was stumped on how to continue the little sister series so boom! I present to you Azriel's pov. I would love to hear what you guys think about having things from this perspective also! please don't be shy and let me know!
The playful touches and not so subtle glances across the room paired with the seductive bit of your lip as it lifts into a forbidden smile is not lost upon the spymaster of the night court. In fact everything you did never went unnoticed by him. As Rhysands little sister he was more or less forbidden from having any relationship with you that was purely platonic or sibling-like. Much to the high lord's irritation, once you learned of the rules set in place for the general and the shadow singer, you had made it your own personal mission to see just how much you could get away with. Just how far could you bend the rules before your older brother snapped? 
Azriel was well aware of the game you played in hopes of causing your brother a small amount of distress. Unfortunately for him, he respected his high lord and his wishes to much to counter your advances with some of his own but that doesn’t mean he can’t help you accomplish your lifes works of making your brother rub his temples with a long sigh and a shot of whiskey or which ever bottle of alcohol appeared before him first. 
It had been just a few short weeks after your fifteenth birthday when you had learned about the guidelines Rhys had set for the two other males in your family. Being told what to do never sat well with you, neither did being told who you can and can’t do things with. At first your reaction was to find your brother and argue with him until he couldn’t think straight but when you were on the way to his office you bumped into your favorite member of the bat boys.  Azriel was leaning  against the wall of Rhysands office waiting for his meeting with Helion when you were stuck with a brilliant idea. “Az?” his hazel eyes shifted from the dark oak doors to where you stood in the middle of the hall. “Yes?”  as soon as the word had left his mouth he knew you were up to something. It was the way your eyes lit up in excitement and you shuffled over to him with hurried steps. Huddled close to his body you beaconed him to lean down so you could whisper in his ears. Wordlessly he follows your commands. “Would you like to help me make Rhys question why he was blessed with being my brother?” 
The sly smile and trouble that brewed in your eyes was enough to get him to say yes. Not like he could ever say no to you in the first place but that wasn’t important. From that moment on he would allow you to flirt with him and crawl into his lap with no rejection. This drove Rhysand up a wall. He said that they could not try to flirt with you but you never said anything about it being the other way around and you had taken full advantage of that each and every single time the opportunity presented itself. 
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Family dinners amongst the inner circle were never an uncommon thing but since everything that transpired over the last fifty something years had the family dinners becoming a more common tradition. After dinner talks and catching up had been moved to the living room. Silently Azriel sat by himself, listening to his family talk. Perfectly content with listening rather than speaking. While Cassian went on this third rant about why he was certain that he could fight Bryaxis, if and big if here, they weren’t so scary looking, when you had gotten up from where you were sat next to Mor on the floor. He watched as you left the room and not even a second later his shadows informed him that you were getting another wine. 
His attention shifted from his brother onto you when you had reentered the room with a glass full of wine and strutted over to him and made yourself comfortable in his lap. Az would never admit it but the feeling of your arm draped over his shoulder and playing with his hair was one of his favorite feelings in the world. As your body leaned into his, the temperate difference between the two of you became very apparent to the shadowsinger. Without thinking he placed his much warmer hand on your freezing and goosebump covered leg to help warm you back up. The slit in your dress had done nothing to help keep you warm. 
Without saying anything he watched as his brother marched his way over to where you had chosen to sit, also known as Azriels lap. He watched as Rhys reached his hand out in hopes of pulling you off of closest friend and he watched as Rhysands face morphed into one of confusion to anger as Azriels wings furled around you to keep your brother from grabbing you from him. If there was one thing that the shadowsinger knew with one hundred percent certainty, it was that you could handle yourself. The context didn’t matter, you could always handle yourself. So while you and your brother went back and front he mindlessly began to rub comforting circles where his hand had found purchase on your leg. And once Rhysand had made his way back to his mate, he had leaned down and pressed his lips against your hairline. “You are a menace” giggling you smile up at him before shrugging and taking a sip of your forgotten wine. 
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Visiting the court of nightmares was never something that brought Azriel much joy. More often than not he was watching for any threats against his high lord's life, now he had to worry about his high lady also. It wasn’t as if Azriel wasn’t capable of handling such a task but when you had revealed that you would also be in attendance, it brought Azriel another level of stress. He knew that you could handle the court politics and the volleyball of words sent back and forth with hidden messages. Hell you had even been trained by all three males and Morrgian. You were more than capable of looking out for yourself but there has always been a part of Azriel that couldn’t rest when he knew you could be in danger at any moment. 
Now the notoriously quiet male, while known for not saying much, always had something to say when it came to you. There was no comment too small that you made that didn’t get an answer from Az in return.  As you finally made your way down the staircase to your awaiting family Azriel had just about a thousand thoughts and compliments he could give you at any moment. While your brother had a meltdown in the background all Azriel could focus on was you and as you made your way down the last few steps he reached his hand out helping you the rest of the way down. Shamelessly he looked you up and down not caring that your brother just might beat his ass for looking at you in such an outfit. Once his eyes reached your, you sent him a wink and beaming smile. Az could tell that you had wanted to ask him what he thought of your clothing choices but decided that dealing with your brother would be the best idea  before he dragged you back up the stairs himself and forced you to change. 
While at the place of nightmares the shadows that sung to Azriel hung close to his body, only leaving to secretly watch over you and make sure you were ok. For most of the night all was well, at least as well as things can get in the court of nightmares. That was until his shadow came back to inform their master of the predicament that had presented itself to you. He watched from afar as you pushed your way out of the crowd and towards himself. Pushing off of the pillar he was once perched against he made his way towards you. Az’s blood began to boil when he watched the random fae male wrap his arms around your waist and pulled your body into his. In two long strides he was in front of the strange male and yourself, demanding he release his grip on you or he would do it for him. There wasn’t a part of Azriel that enjoyed the violence he brings upon those he was tasked with gathering information from but holding truth teller to the male's neck did in fact bring him joy. 
Upon your release he guided you back to where he was previously standing to make sure you were ok and that the random male didn’t inflict any harm to you. After his thorough evaluation of your body met his standards he returned his gaze to meet your and suddenly your cold hand was pressed against his warm cheek and the burn of the two temperatures had never felt so nice before. Once again your hand had found its resting place in his hair and your lips on his and Azriel swore hes never felt something as soft as your lips on his.  As soon as your lips had met his, Az knew he was in for a whole world of pain when Rhysand got his hands on him but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 
Az recently pulled away when he felt the anger of his high lord coming at him with the purpose of making him bow to the power radiating off of Rhysand. “We should probably get out of here before he kills you.” looking down he saw the mischief twinkling in your eyes and he positive nobody can pull off that look quite like you can. The wink you sent over your shoulder as you grab his hand pulls him out of the trance you had put him in. Willingly Azriel followed your lead out of the ball room while you bumped into his arm periodically. “Honestly he just might kill us both.” he felt you mumble into his shoulder as you hid your face and laughter in his body. Chuckling he couldn’t help but agree before winnowing you back to the house of wind. 
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After Rhyand had actually considered beating the shadowsinger to a pulp your usual antics had dwindled in frequency which saddened Azriel more than he was willing to admit. During training you kept clear of him in case your brother didn’t approve of you even looking in his general direction and it had been almost two weeks since he had last talked to you for more then five minutes and honestly it was starting to drive him crazy. After a family dinner consisting of you, Nesta, Cassiand and himself he finally approached you. “You're going to the Summer court tomorrow right?” As the resident know-it-all he already knew your answer but he waited nonetheless “Yes?” Azriel watches as you place your book in your lap to give him your full attention and he swears he could bask in it forever. “I’m not doing anything for the next week, would you like me to go with you?”  The beaming smile you sent him was confirmation enough. 
That's how he found himself in your room the next morning helping you get ready. You had asked his opinion on basically every piece of your outfit and Azriel had never been so happy to assist someone put together their clothes for the day. After you had pulled all the needed pieces of clothing from your closest you held up the corset you picked for him to see. “I’ll need your help putting this on.” And that's how once again Azriel feared Rhys would consider pummeling him once more. 
Not once during Rhysands withering glare did Azriel stop pulling the strings of your corset until they were tight enough and only then did he gently pull the strings into a bow before removing his hands from your body. After finishing his assigned task Az thought it was best to leave the siblings to deal with each other and he would wait for you on the rooftop to begin your journey to the summer court. Only after he could assume was a long lecture from your older brother on being safe did the two of you join him on the roof. “I swear if a single hair on her head is out of place I will kill you.”  As much as Azriel wanted to laugh at the worn out sound of his friend he simply nodded his head before acknowledging what he said. 
The week in the summer court with you felt more like two days. Any time with you never felt like enough. On the way back Rhysand had talked to him and you that he wanted a debrief before you did anything upon your return. Gently he set you back on the ground once he had landed in front of the river house and he already missed the feeling of your body on his. He really wished and in that moment that he never agreed to those rules Rhysand had set for him and Cassian all those hundred of years ago. 
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The silence that engulfed the room would make anyone who didn’t know the two males squirm from how uncomfortable it was, but these two males had dealt with much more stressful problems and had sat in more silence than the average people did. Azriel knew that lately your antic had been pushing the line but he had never stopped you nor had he ever thought too. Mainly because he didn’t want you too but also in fear that if he asked you to stop you would never come to him again. “Truly Rhys there is nothing going on between me and your sister. You and I both know she only does this to get under your skin and she does that very well. As long as it bothers you then she will keep doing it. You know this.” 
After a long and much needed talk Azriel made his way to the stand outside of the river house collecting a much needed breath of fresh air while he came to terms with his conversation with his oldest friend. A few moments pass before you come waltzing out of the house as if you had accomplished some great mission. “Maybe next time he’ll knock” Azriel knew exactly what you were talking about and couldn’t help but laugh at what you said. He didn’t need to ask you what you did as the one shadow that always kept you company told him all about what you had just done to your brother and his poor unsuspecting mate. Without another word Azriel scooped you into his arm while pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. Gods he wished this wouldn’t be the last time he felt your skin against his lips.
Rhysand had asked him to put a stop to your behavior towards him. Not that you made the shadowsinger uncomfortable, gods no, you could never do that. It was just you were your brother's pride and joy and he refused to let the males he considered his brothers to be the reason your heart broke. Rhysand would never be able to forgive or look at Azriel the same and he knew that. Azriel just wished the golden string tying the two of you together didn’t have to be hidden from everyone including you.
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Taglist: @kemillyfreitas @gorlillaglue25 @willowpains
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weebsinstash · 8 days
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I want yandere Alastor being the biggest fucking hypocrite on the block and getting painfully humbled by reality so fucking bad you don't understand
I want a story where you stumble into becoming his friend with benefits, become the person who gets him interested in sex as a physical activity, and then one day you ask him "hey, what are we?" And his response being ABSOLUTELY RUDE AS HELL, albeit unintentionally, and you immediately cut him off from sex because his reply was basically the equivalent of "you're fun to sleep with, but the rest of you? No :)" (and also maybe he didn't even fully mean it, maybe he only partially meant it but he can tell he's forming some kind of new emotion for you and he doesn't want that to become a point of weakness for him so he's pushing you away but once you're actually gone he wants you back more than ANYTHING--)
I want yandere Alastor who laughs in your face if you nervously ask him if you're his girlfriend or something but then when you show up around town with another man less than a week later and he sees how easily you REPLACED HIM, he's just absolutely losing his mind. What do you MEAN you were still sleeping with other men this whole time?!?! The Radio Demon was getting SLOPPY SECONDS??? WHY would you let these-these disgusting bastards DEGRADE YOU-- meanwhile you and him could've been having like hardcore bdsm sex with actual degradation or some semi respectful form of it and he's STILL over here "B B BUT THESE MEN PROBABLY DONT EVEN RESPECT YOU--" and neither did you, you laughed in my fucking face you bitch!!!
yandere Alastor just having to sit and have a fulllll glass of whiskey and ruminate on his thoughts as he tries to come to terms with these sudden EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE feelings and urges he has. What do you MEAN he wasn't providing anything for you that you couldn't get somewhere else AND BETTER AND ALREADY HAVE BEEN? what do you MEAN you're making gifts for and going out and having actual fun dates with some of these men? What do you fucking MEAN YOU'RE 'ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW' AND WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH ALASTOR EVEN IF HE APOLOGIZED BECAUSE YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY--
Alastor hardcore coping, trying not to think about you at all, telling himself he just needs time and this'll all blow over and he wont even think about you anymore, and eventually finds his feet carrying him to your favorite jazz club that he would take you to, AND YOU'RE ALREADY THERE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Now THIS is what causes Alastor to finally have a public episode. No, some RANDO can't come with you HERE, this is YOUR place, OUR place, it's special, it's for Alastor and you ONLY!! basically turns him into a little kid stomping his foot going no no no that's MINE!!!
This narcissistic ass man really ain't shit, over here responding to your actually extremely valid question of "what are we?" because you were actually trying to respectfully ask him if there were any certain boundaries or if you were now exclusive, and he hits you with some deflective dehumanizing diversion like "what makes you think I would have THOSE kinds of feelings about YOU?" until he's painfully aware you're sleeping with another man, kissing another man, making hot meals for another man, holding his hand tenderly as you take a leisurely stroll, GOD FORBID HE CATCHES WIND OF ANY MARRIAGE TALK, HE WILL FUCKING L O S E IT
Juat the idea of him being so close to having what he wants - your body, heart, AND mind- and he fucks it up big time and ruins your relationship and self esteem so badly. He tries to pretend that he doesn't need your attention and/or affection but the second he doesn't have EITHER, he's a jealous mess trying to literally one-up whomever you're with, show off, impress you, usually digging his hole even deeper. Alastor becoming more unpredictable over time, literally losing sleep over you, absolutely CONVINCED 500% that all of these, shall we say, "more modern men" that you're choosing are not even worth the dirt in the treads of your shoes.
Just twirling my hair kicking my feet thinking bout yandere Alastor, becoming dead-set on genuinely and fully believing he has to save you not just from these men, but also yourself. Oh honey, he's so sorry, CLEARLY this is his fault for not watching over you better. He already knew you were... delicate and naive, but here you are, running around letting these men treat you like some kind of object just because you need what you perceive as acceptance and validation. It almost breaks his heart, truly, but don't worry darlin'! He's a southern gentleman and, SURELY he can turn up the charm and make it clear to you that you MISUNDERSTOOD HIM, right? :) You're going to GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, right? :)
genuinely, i feel like this man is more likely to try and gaslight you into believing you completely misinterpreted what he said instead of just apologizing let alone ADMITTING that he himself didn't communicate jack shit about shit, wasn't honest or up front about his feelings, and may have even be intentionally cruel to you in a moment of weakness to try and keep his own insecurities at bay, but then is fully capable of convincing, some may even say BRAINWASHING you into believing, oh sweetie, if these DEGENERATE DELIQUENTS somehow convinced you that your best friend and future husband is somehow your enemy, then, CLEARLY he hasn't been keeping you close enough to properly care for you and help you keep a clear head, has he? guess it's a good thing both of you are Sinners and he has NOTHING but time to show you EXACTLY what his intentions are. So, dear doe, which do you like the sound of more: a spring wedding, or a summer wedding, or maaaaaybe you two could even get hitched during some lovely acid rain so your new spouse can demonically laugh at all your screaming "gentleman callers" captive in the wedding audience who "accidentally" weren't put under any gazebos or any sort of protection while being forced to watch Alastor take you away--
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even-in-arcadia · 2 months
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A Consideration of 1st Lt. Edward Little of HMS Terror (As Played by Matthew McNulty)
The thing about Lt. Edward Little is that he had the highest ideals and yet was set up in so many ways to fail them.  
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We occasionally see glimpses of the man Edward Little must have been in order to be appointed First Lieutenant on a very prestigious expedition: reliable, capable, stalwart. 
(Continued below the cut, as this got very long)
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He had that, before, when he was doing the job he was trained for, ie running a ship at sea.  What he hasn’t been trained for at all is managing 129 126 119 105 ? men stuck in pack ice in endless night, later trudging over ice and shale, trying to keep them busy and out of trouble and from getting killed by a demon bear.  Of course he’s out of his depth, but honestly aren’t most of them?  Of the lieutenants Gore (RIP) is the only one who seems to be in his element and he’s the only one with Arctic experience so that tracks.  Even Le Vesconte is getting by on charisma and the power of peer pressure, neither of which actually make for competent officering.  So that’s the scene he’s stuck in, and no wonder he’s out of his depth.  
Then we have the circumstances specific to Edward Little.  He's spent the first two-plus years of the voyage as the first for a captain who is very depressed and increasingly alcoholic. As Crozier's state deteriorates and especially after Franklin dies, Little has to tread a very fine and somewhat blurry line. He has to cover for Crozier, picking up the slack that is inevitably dropped; he also has to prop Crozier up in such a way that his leadership as Captain isn't undermined with the crew. A big part of both of those is making sure that the right questions are being asked, that all practicalities are being factored in, but he has to ask those questions without seeming to question Crozier’s authority. Thus he must essentially be an acting captain without seeming to do so either to the men or to Crozier . He is not someone who wants power per se; in fact I think what he wants most is to be a good and competent 1st Lt. But because he's under an semi-incapacitated captain, he has no choice but to take on some of that power while appearing to be no more than a loyal lieutenant. He's leading without being seen to lead, and he's already seen Crozier flog three men for among other things insubordination and disrespect (and without due process).
Crozier has also put him in a position of having to lie - both directly and by omission! For example, when questioned he tells Fitzjames (who outranks him) "much to do on Terror is all” - leaving JFJ to draw his own conclusions on the source of that “much” and the extent to which it is falling on Little.  The instruction to procure more whiskey “discreetly” is nearly if not actually insulting in how far below Little's rank it is.  Having to do it “discreetly” is even worse.  He is being treated as an errand boy, and not just an errand boy but one tasked with something that is clearly unsavory, even illicit.   By ordering him to to this, he makes Little complicit in the very vice that is causing all of these problems, and Little by virtue of his position is unable to refuse any of these direct orders, even ones that are way below his station. (The fact that Jopson, Crozier's actual steward who was actually in charge of these things, was not given that task is also telling although I’m not sure of what - perhaps that Crozier wanted someone who outranked the Erebus’ steward to do the asking; perhaps that he felt some shame in asking Jopson.)
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Through all of this, Little is having to cover for a man who continues to lose his own respect in ways both large and small, personal and professional. Crozier has endangered the crew for which Little feels himself bound to care - leading directly to Blanky losing his leg - and has spoken flippantly of the situation ("How fares the raft of the Medusa?"). In 1x04, he is clearly galled by both the disregard of due process and severity of Hickey’s punishment.  (While both are not unstandard in the Navy, Crozier’s manner makes it seem like spite as much as anything - which I’m sure Little clocked.)  Overall, Little observes him making inebriated decisions that are based as much on his internal demons as any the practicalities at hand while men continue to die under his watch. This erosion of trust will come back to haunt them all, because even when its causes have been overcome, the deep root and the effects are there. (JFJ gets to have reckonings with Crozier and say his piece in a way that Little never does or will.)
Edward Little also cares deeply about the welfare of his men, perhaps more than anything. Command is a responsibility not just to the navy but to those whose lives his decisions affect. And so he as he sees this disregard for them (and for himself) he is angry, and he is in a profession and position where one is not allowed to be angry with one's superiors. So he spends a lot of his time pretending that he is not quietly furious while carrying out orders that he knows he shouldn't be, and hiding it from everyone , even Fitzjames, because he is also, deep in his heart, loyal (even if he feels it is unearned) and married to Naval structures.  Crozier and JFJ have their reckoning, but Little never gets that, because subordinates aren’t allowed to be angry.  
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This combination, the lack of trust both given and received, the anger, the care & loyalty, the necessity to fill the void in leadership, means that he asks a lot of questions . A well placed "Are you sure, sir?" can go a long way. "Yes, but--" is not a phrase that would often have been uttered to a commander by a lieutenant, but Little has not just earned but hard won the right to say it.  Every time he questions Crozier, I think it is out of a sense of duty, not defiance. A duty to the expedition, to Crozier, and above all to the men, because for so long Crozier’s judgement was not something he was able to rely on. He can’t even attend a sunrise party without thinking of the supplies that are being used up! 
To top everything off, he also never appears to be someone who is particularly congenial nor gregarious, he is very aware of his rank, and is competent while not being loved (except by me).  I like to imagine that he and Jopson and Macdonald were able to commiserate in some way as Crozier was going through his detox.  But everyone is so conscious of class & rank & secrets being guarded that it seems unlikely that anyone actually confided in each other. By getting dry and in such dramatic fashion, Crozier earns back his loyalty & respect, but by doing so in secret I wonder if he hasn't further eroded Little's relationship with the other lieutenants.  Do they even know Crozier is drying out or is Little lying to them as well as to the entire rest of the crew?  Little does not seem like a man who cares for lying, and covering up the captain's "gastritis" would only have made Little feel more cut off and burdened by the captain's confidence. (To say nothing of the fact that all of this is going on with the Tuunbaaq in the background - these lieutenants were not designed to contend with alcoholic spirits let alone the spirit world.)
 Crozier’s trust does often  end up being more burden than anything, and it’s beyond the responsibility that would normally come with his rank. That moment when he practically shoves the pistol away from him is so telling of this.  We really were robbed of the moment when Little is so angry after leaving Crozier that he can’t even slam his door: because that’s what’s building up this entire time!  
By covering for Crozier both before and during his sobering up, Little probably lost some of his authority over the crew. They know he's hiding something, and that earns some distrust. He's obviously worn out, and there must be some observation that Crozier is literally using him as an errand boy. In the best of circumstances the commanding-without-commanding is a hard line to walk while maintaining one’s own air of authority. He's also angry, and in working so hard to cover and subdue his anger, what he's left with is the "sad, wet man" that fandom has dubbed him. The crew may not know exactly what’s going on (although what do those men have to do besides gossip) but they must have sensed how Little is being worn away. As much as he cares for them, he wouldn’t fraternize - it seems like he barely fraternizes in the wardroom.  (Which is why that moment of camaraderie with Jopson outside Crozier’s cabin is so important to me personally.) 
That brings us to the mutiny.  We may love a sad, wet man, but in the face of a charismatic mutineer he's never going to match up. He doesn't have the authority, the love of the crew, or really the energy to go against it. At this point, he has no reason to know or suspect that a mutiny is what's the offing in the first place! He is someone who wants to believe the best of his men, and he's been given no reason to doubt Tozer's motives. And what was he supposed to do in the face of a marine sergeant surrounded by frightened, armed men?  They are clearly on edge and afraid, a dangerous combination.  He is practical, and although ultimately it loses him even more face by going along with Tozer, he was never going to be able to stop that in its tracks. Even JFJ wasn’t able to reel back in what had already been done.  So he chooses the pragmatic route: agree publicly to the logic, let Tozer do with him what he's been doing with Crozier, in making the subordinate's idea appear to be the superior's. With the situation and facts at hand, what else is he to do? 
The irony is that Little has been quietly looking out for all of them and their best interests for so long; but because it was so quiet, an undercurrent, when it comes down to brass tacks, none of them have ever seen that, or feel that they owe him any respect or loyalty. Tozer and Hickey appear to be men of action, and unfortunately in a moment like this a group of frightened men is going to follow the one who appears strongest. 
I also want to point out that Crozier specifically says *while the fog holds off*. Well the fog has rolled in! The situation changed! Crozier clearly has suspicions of Hickey and Tozer that he hasn't confided to Little, and whose fault is that! When it comes to investigating Irving’s and Farr’s murders, Little asks what the evidence is, which suggests to me that he has no knowledge of any concerns about Hickey that have arisen post-lashing.  Again, he is inclined to trust them.
One of the realest moments we get from him is "I'm the worst kind of sorry." It's one of the very few times he breaks from naval demeanor. The worst kind because he feels it deeply, but also because he was stuck, and he knows it, and also knows the expectations both from himself and from others that he be Better.
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What it comes down to is what he says to Hodgson: "All we have are our instincts and training. If both told you to proceed with what you ordered, then be easy with yourself." That is all Little has had for so long. He certainly doesn’t seem to be having heart to hearts with Irving and Hodgson, let alone JFJ and Crozier; his counterpart on Erebus is long gone.  Who has he to confide in, especially at this juncture of events, when there are no clear paths and no right answers. I imagine this is what he told himself over and over in the long watches of the night.  
And yet!! Matthew McNulty has said that “Little's probably one of the most hopeful out of them all. [...] He still thinks that humanity will prevail in this dark, dark world.”  I’m not sure where to put this, but I think it’s important.  I think it’s part of why he doesn’t always quite have the authority he should: poor, worn down Edward Little sees the best and hopes for the best, and can’t quite reckon that not everyone has the same moral compass he does.  That’s why Tozer & Hickey get the best of him, because he wants to believe the best of them.  He doesn’t compromise his moral compass or belief in humanity, and unfortunately that turns into a blind spot.I think it’s also why Tozer invites him to join them: because some part of him recognizes that they both have that idealism deep down.  They are both doing their best in an inconceivable situation to cling to hope and take care of those they see as under their protection. It pains me to think what they could have accomplished had they worked together rather than against each other. 
(Incidentally, I don’t believe Little ever would have been swayed to join them, but I can’t blame him for the fact that Tozer’s claim about Crozier leaving them gave him pause.  He’s seen Crozier finally grow into a commander he can respect, but to find out that Crozier’s judgment was not just impaired for so long but extended to actively planning to abandon ship & crew, as Tozer frames, as he was working so hard to hold things together - even if he doesn’t believe it, in his heart of course there must have been some doubt.) 
All of these, the erosion of respect, the concern, the exhaustion, the lack of direction and support, the HOPE, come together in a moment for which he (unjustly, in my opinion) gets vilified for: 
We’ve slowed our pace hauling some of the ill in the boats. But if we extend this temporary camp more than a few days, we can allow the ill to rest here while the bulk of us proceed south. We can hopefully find game and trek back for the others once we have something more to offer them–
And Jopson’s anger is both understandable and not unwarranted - but. Based on that look Le Vesconte gives him, this most likely is not a thought that originated with Little.  It’s  being grumbled by those hauling, maybe even obliquely discussed by the officers.   That look says to me “It has to be said.”  And it does, the logistics are evident to everyone and that needs to be discussed.  They’re sending out hunting parties every day, sure, but in an area very close to the one they’re trekking through.  It genuinely does make practical sense to have some unencumbered, able-bodied (relatively) men go ahead quickly to what would hopefully be better hunting grounds, while the sick conserve what strength they have: those able to hunt could move quickly and bring back game, while those who are dying could do so while not being jostled about on boats on shale.  Little does not say (and, I think, would never say) that they should leave them behind entirely: only that this current system isn’t really helping anyone (and it isn’t).  He needs to make sure that Crozier has fully considered the situation, because for so long that was not the case. (Historically, in fact, they did set up a hospital camp while a smaller party moved south.)
I actually do think he says this with hope: the hope that they really will find game, that the ill do just need to rest, that he can save as many of them as possible.  He's also thinking of the practicalities and (though I may be biased) really does intend to return to the ill once they have something to actually provide them with. He doesn't say so that they can move on unencumbered, to better their own chances, he says to let them rest , to find something to offer them.  He knows the situation and the feeling in camp, and that the time has come to have the conversation. It's not even necessarily a conversation he wants to have or believes in, but it has to be had. Once it's been talked about, once Crozier has come out with not just a position but a direction (to leave supplies behind if necessary), Little is entirely on board. Shortly thereafter, when Le Vesconte suggests the exact same thing, he retorts that " Most of us are ill" (note the us - the identification with) and further responds with disgust and anger that "The Captain also ordered that we not leave any man behind. You expediently leave that out."  The Captain isn’t there; Jopson isn’t there: if Little really in any way wanted to leave anyone behind, this was his chance to order it and save himself.  The fact is that he is still arguing for and trying to lead with compassion as well as duty; the fact that he can't override the more selfish majority doesn't negate that.
I wish we could see his decision to go with Le Vesconte even though he so clearly believes that these lesser mutineers are in the wrong; I know why we don't. I like to think that it's because he believes he's doing the best thing for all, that he knows one semi-able bodied man staying behind is not going to help anyone, and that by going south with the group he may be to able to sway them, or find game for the ill. But again - he has been put in a position where there is no right choice, and where any authority he had has been too far eroded to matter.
Regardless: we go from his vehement protestation that they must a) rescue their captain and b) not leave behind the ill to die to this:
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A man completely broken, weathered almost beyond recognition, with his flesh pierced by and draped with the chains of watch fobs. That's fobs plural: they're clearly different chains, from different watches, from different men.  But in still uniform.  Because he clung to the to his identity, to hope, to grounding structure of the Navy in which he trained and believed, until the very end.
We don't know what happens in between. Is it madness? Did the mutineers do this to him?   Is it penance? A memorization of the men whose watches those were?  A punishment on himself for what happened on his watch - despite the fact that really, he was powerless to stop it? And this is the only watch he can keep now - watch chains in his face, his eyes forced open to the horrors. Or did 1st Lt. Edward Little spend so long suppressing his anger, marrying that anger to hope, being responsible, keeping confidences, bearing all that alone, with authority that is both shoved on him and disregarded - did he finally snap? Are the chains not a decoration, not a punishment, but an attempt to literally bind himself up and tack himself down to this terrible world where he’s found himself?  
All we know for certain is his last word - “Close?” Close to what? To death? To salvation?  The only comfort either Edward Little or we, the audience, will get - is that at the very end, his captain was there to release him from the duty to which he clung for so long, so fiercely, with so much hope.
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nyasiaaaaa · 3 months
Text
In the Bleak Mid-Winter
Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse)  Fem reader x Arthur ( platonic )
Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him. 
Word count: 5k
Warnings: Cursing, angst, fluff ,Tommy Shelby, y/n eats ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.) Major character death from season 4 episode like 1/2
A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually. 
Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4   part 5
********************
It's been a year. 
A lot of things have changed since then; you've changed. 
You're not the same person you were a year ago; you're still a nurse and still work in the hospital, but in London now. 
You know the other nurse in hospital like the last, you eat lunch together but never go out. They always ask, but you always have the same excuse. 
It's not like you're lying. You really don't have anyone to watch her, but if you wanted to, you could find someone, but don't. Honestly, though, you prefer the company of a bottle of whiskey over anyone else. 
You also never have the energy to do anything anymore; you wake up throughout the night, then wake up to go to work, come home tired from a 12-hour shift, and go to sleep to do it all over again. 
You barely eat, you barely sleep. 
When you look in the mirror, you're just a hollow version of yourself, like you don't have control over your body. You're just sitting back as it goes through the motions, as someone else controls you. 
She's not the only reason you can't sleep; if she's not waking you up because of her screams, you're waking yourself up with your own. 
These nightmares are so haunting that most times, after you wake up, you just stay up. 
And that's where you're at now, waking up from a dream like every other night. 
You thrash around in your bed and suddenly wake up coughing as you grab hold of your throat. You get up from your bed, covered in sweat, and walk downstairs to the kitchen, rubbing your chest as you catch your breath. 
You walk around the corner to the kitchen and instantly jump when you see someone sitting at your table in the dark. The old you would've freaked, grabbed your gun and threatened them.
But you now couldn't care less; you just grabbed two glasses and a bottle of whiskey off the drink table. You bring it over and set it down, pouring the whiskey into each cup, filling it halfway, and then sliding one over to your companion. 
You then sit down and take a swing of your drink before reaching for your pack of cigarettes. 
"Want one," you ask, holding a cig out to them.
They take it, and you pull out one more for yourself; you then strike up a match, reaching towards them to light theirs first; once they got closer to the flame, it became clear who was sitting at this table with you. 
You light the cigarette, then pull the match to light your own; you take a drag, hold it in, and then blow it out. You do this action a couple more times, and neither of you says a word as you smoke; you both just sit there in silence. 
You finish up your cig, put it out in the ashtray, then proceed  to light another. Again, you smoke in silence, but this time, as you're almost finished with your cig, you speak up. 
"I thought you would've sent Micheal," You say as you reach to ash your cig in the ashtray.
He finishes up his cig, putting it out before responding to you. "He was busy," he shrugs. 
"'M honestly, I would've preferred Micheal." You put your cig out and then took a sip of your drink.
"Well, looks like you're out of luck 'cause I'm here." 
"Yes, you are; please do tell me why it is that you're here after all this time." 
"We got served a black hand," he spoke with such seriousness, but you were confused. 
"Ok, am I supposed to know what that means or what it has to do with me" 
He took a deep breath and said, "We have to tighten house. We killed one of theirs way back, and now they're coming to get even." 
You pursed your lips and turned your head to the side, slightly shrugging your shoulders. "And what does that have to do with me." 
"They killed John." 
"May he rest in peace? "even though you didn't mean for it to, it had come out more like a question than a statement. 
"But again, what does this have to do with me," you asked
He let out a dry laugh, licking his lips, then got up and got in your face. He took hold of your wrist and bent down to your height. 
"Because the Italian Mafia doesn't care if you don't fuck with me, they are going to kill everyone that has ever spoken to me, anyone who's ever been close to me to hurt me to break me down before killing me."
Even though he tried to seem calm and collected, you couldn't see it in his eyes or face, but you could hear it in his voice. 
He was hurting. 
You ripped your wrist from his grip and stood up, moving closer to him and getting in his face. 
"Well, Tommy, it seems like you have a real problem on your hands; best of luck to you." You smiled at him, then stood up and began to walk away
Suddenly, you were pushed against the wall and turned to face him. 
"Look, I—"his speech was cut short once he heard a cry coming from upstairs; his eyes darted down to you, his head tilted as he looked at you. 
"Tommy, I-"you start but stop once Tommy pushes off you.
You tried to get past him to go up the steps first, but he pulled out a gun on you and pushed you back into the kitchen. He slowly took a step back as you took steps forward.
"Do it, Do it, Tommy. Be a man. Do it," You said as you walked forward; you held your head high as you spoke so there was no room for doubt on Tommy's part. 
He looked at you, puzzled, then shut the door in your face. You immediately rushed to the door, but it was too late. He locked it. You tightened your grip on the door knob as you jiggled it relentlessly, 
"Tommy…. Fuck— Tommy, please" You were starting to panic; you had to get to her first. 
You dashed over to the drawers and started to throw everything out and slam it shut as you moved on to the next one. The key was in one of these drawers; it had to be you had remembered putting it in here you—
You found it in the last drawer; you ran over to the door but slipped on the things you had thrown on the floor and fell on your back, making the key fall out of your hand. You hop on your knees, ignoring the pain in your back that grew with every move you made as you searched the now messy floor for the key; you can already barely see because of the darkness, but the tears that start to build only make it worse. 
Your hand brushed against something sharp, and you turned your head in its direction as you stretched your hand out again, patting it around. Your hand instantly comes in contact with the cold metal key. You grab it, rushing to the door. You try to place the key in the door, but it keeps brushing past the hole. 
You stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again, and despite your shaking hand, you were able to place the key in and unlock the door. As soon as the door opens, you ran up the step to her room. 
It's too late. 
You walk into the room and see Tommy holding your daughter in his hands. 
Without thinking, you say, "She's not yours." 
It's a lie, you know it, and so does he. Anyone could see from a mile away that she was his, and it's not like she looked like him or you even; she was still too young to look like anyone. But she had those eyes, the same eyes her father had. 
You look up at Tommy and know you are in trouble. He had just met her, and already he was in love. He was already hell-bent on taking you with him, but now that he knew of her, there was no way he was letting y'all go. 
You're about to speak up but get cut off by some men behind you.
"We're here, Mr.Shebly. What do you want us to do?" 
You didn't turn around to see if you knew the men; you just kept your eyes forced ahead on Tommy. 
"Pack up the house, everything; we'll go through it later and see what we want." He barely spoke above a whisper and never looked up as he slowly rocked your baby back and forth. 
"Oi sir and your car is ready when you are." 
"Thank you, curly." 
They left, leaving you and Tommy alone. 
You opened your mouth to speak but didn't know what to say, so you stood there like a gaping fish as you struggled to find words. 
"It doesn't matter what you say; tonight, you will leave here with me, and so will the baby. You can put up a fight, but we will drug you if we must." The way he spoke, you knew he meant it; there would not be a fight, you couldn't take on Tommy, let alone all the men downstairs.
 So you just nodded your head, ok. 
Satisfied with your answer, he proceeded to exit the room but then stopped and turned towards you. 
"What's her name," he asks. 
"Ruby" 
"Ruby," He whispers, "Hi. Ruby, grab what you want and meet me in the car," He says, then leaves and goes downstairs. 
You want to cry, tear the room to pieces, throw a fit, and just sit there and cry. But you can't, so you make yourself and your daughter a travel bag, packing only what you need and leaving the rest for the guys to pack up. 
You finish packing and head upstairs; you walk past the men packing up your kitchen and head straight for the car. Once you're outside, you see a man waiting for you by the backseat door; he opens it for you as you approach it. You walk up to him, handing off your luggage, giving him a smile, and thanking him before sliding in next to Tommy, who's still holding your daughter tight to his chest. 
The driver places your stuff in the trunk, runs over to the driver's side, and hops in, wasting no time. He takes off instantly, driving to a destination unknown to you. 
 You glance over at Tommy, who is still in awe at seeing your daughter. You don't even try to take your baby away from Tommy, knowing that he will hold her as long as he can. 
So you sit there staring out the window, saying goodbye to the place you've called home for the past year, and try not to cry.
************************
For a long time, you were confused; you knew this wasn't the way to Tommy's house. It was east, and you had been heading west. You were about to ask where you were going, but then you started to recognize your surroundings, the shops you've walked past hundreds if not thousands of times. You even saw some people you knew past patients. 
You were back in Birmingham. 
Soon after you cross the line into Birmingham, it doesn't take long for you to reach your destination; you pull up next to many small townhomes. 
 Before you  get the chance, your door is opened for you, thanking the driver as you step out and observe your surroundings.  
"Where are we, Tommy," you ask. 
"We're home," he says simply, then starts making his way into one of the homes. 
You follow closely behind him as he steps into the house; you take in your new surroundings as you follow him; there are steps directly in front of you and a living room to your right that leads Into a kitchen. As soon as you step into the living room following Tommy, you're greeted by a maid who cut you off as you are about to ask Tommy another question. 
"Welcome back, Mr. Shebly. I set Charlie down for a nap upstairs a few minutes ago and just put dinner in the oven. Do you need anything else from me before I go" 
"No, Mary, that will be all thank you."
"It's not a problem, Mr.Shelby," she said, then went to leave but suddenly stopped at the door. "Oh, and I've had a bassinet put upstairs per your request." She gave both of you a tight smile, shutting the door as she exits, leaving you and Tommy alone. 
Tommy doesn't say a word as he turns away from you and walks upstairs; you're about to start looking around when a knock comes at the door. You get to the front to open it and is greeted by the driver, who has your bags in hand. You reach out, taking them from his hands and setting them to the side before giving him a smile. 
"Thank you so much; hold on, let me find my purse to pay you," you say as you step away from him in search of your bags.
The driver quickly stops you in your tracks when he calls after you using a name you've never heard associated with you. 
"Oi, that's quite alright, Mrs.Shebly; Tommy pays me good," he said, giving you a smile, then shuts the door before you could even correct him. 
"Ok," you say yourself as you shrug it off; you turn around just in time to see Tommy walking down the step, and you notice that your daughter is no longer in his hand. You assumed he must've put her down upstairs in the crib Mary set up. 
Once he gets down the steps, he immediately makes his way toward the Living room. He sits down in one of the chairs, and you decide to take a seat across from him. 
He pulls out his pack of cigs, offers you one, which you accept, and then takes one for himself. His lights yours first, then his own. You take a couple drags of your cig, then begin asking him a million questions you have swimming around in your head. 
"How long do we have to stay here," you ask as you blow out smoke and then take another drag. 
He shrugs his shoulders as he waves his hand around in no particular manner, "for however long it takes." 
You press your lips tightly and roll your eyes; you take a deep breath and let it out as you speak again, "Are we staying here with you."
"Yeah" 
"Is it safe?" 
"Yeah, you will have two guards stationed outside 24/7." 
"And where will you be?" 
"Out" 
"So Tommy, let me get this straight: I'm supposed to stay here for who knows how long, under constant surveillance from your men, and I'm assuming I'm not allowed to leave." You paused, waiting for an answer, to which he gave you a slight nod back. "Right, so basically, I'm a prisoner; I'm your prisoner. I'm not ok with that, Tommy. I-" 
Arthur suddenly burst through your door, calling out for Tommy. 
"Oi Tommy, I- "Arthur paused once his eyes landed on you; a big smile slowly crept up his face as he started making his way towards you.
"Sista, it's good to see you," Arthur said as he hugged you, picking you up slightly. 
"It's good to see you too...... I'm so sorry about John," you said as you hugged him back, and you were being honest. You didn't miss anything from your old life, but Arthur. After all the years, y'all were around each other. He truly started to feel like the brother you never had. 
Arthur pulled back from you slightly and looked you in the eyes; you gave him a tight smile, then pulled him back closer and hugged him tighter. 
Arthur pulled back again as he asked you a question, "Oi, I heard I had a niece. Where she." 
Before you were able to answer his question, Tommy interrupted you. 
"Are you two finished yet" You heard Tommy ask from behind you, making Arthur drop you. 
"Sorry, Tommy," he chuckled as he stepped further from you. "There's been an incident down at the boat house; we need you down there." 
"Thank you, Arthur; I'll meet you outside," Tommy said, then went into the kitchen to gather his things. 
Arthur gave you a small smile and whispered a quick bye before heading outside. 
You turn to face Tommy, who is putting on his coat; you see his collar sticking up, so you go over to him to help him fix it. You grab onto the jacket and pull him in close to you. 
"When will you be back?" You ask as you pat down his collar.
"When I'm finished" 
"That's not cool, Tommy; we have things we need to talk about." You grab on his collar and tighten. 
He gave you a look that you could only describe as assumed, then pulled you off him, holding your wrist in his hands. 
"And we will when I get back," he said, dropping your wrist and walking away. He suddenly stopped and turned around to face you. "Watch Charlie for me," He said with a tight smile, then reached for the door. 
You are so fed up with his bullshit that you pick up the first thing your hands touched and throw it at him. 
"Fuck you, Tommy" You screamed at him as the glass cup left your hands. 
Your aim is ass, so the cup smashed against the wall next to him, missing him by a couple feet. But still, it stopped him in his tracks; he stood there for a second, then turned around to face you, gave you a smug smile, then said
"You already did love." 
He quickly went to the door, leaving you there standing there stunned. 
You're so mad at him for coming into your life (again), picking you up, and dragging you into his mess (again). He constantly treats you like gum on the bottom of his shoe, and you're tired of it. 
You have this anger building up inside you; you're so mad, so you do the only thing you can think of. 
You scream.
You stand there and scream; you yell out towards the ceiling; you scream till your lungs start to burn. And then you collapse onto the floor. 
How did you end up here again? You thought you finally got away from this life. 
Before you had a chance to wallow in your self-pity, you heard a cry come from upstairs. You get slowly and make your way up the narrow stairs. Once you get upstairs, you notice there are only two rooms upstairs, one the bathroom and the other the bedroom. 
You enter the bedroom and see Charlie still fast asleep on the bed, the only bed, you might add. Your baby cried from her bassinet, and you went over, picking her up and rocked her  back and forth in her arms. She must've heard your scream and got startled. You were really loud; you're shocked that Charlie didn't wake up. 
You were able to get her back to sleep quite quickly; you placed her back in her bassinet and walked out the door back downstairs. 
As you walked down the steps, you started to sniff the air around you; it smelled like something was burning. 
You took off sprinting towards the kitchen once you remembered the dinner Mary said she had placed in the oven. You yanked the oven open and reached in to take the pan out. 
You jump back, saying a million curse words as you immediately pull your thumb in your mouth. You are so out of it that you forgot an oven mitt. You suck on your thumb for a couple of more seconds as you glance around the kitchen till your eyes land on the oven mitt. You grab them off the counter, head back to the oven, and pull the pot, placing it on the top of the stove. 
You open the pot, and to your surprise, it's a chicken roast dinner, and it's not that burnt, only a bit; really, it just looks extra crispy. 
You place the top back on and glance down at the clock next to the stove; it's barely a quarter past three. 
You decide to let the meal cool down, you get your bag from the door, and put it up where you see best upstairs. 
After you finished unpacking what you had on hand, you pre-made a couple of bottles for your daughter and then joined Charlie in the bed for a little nap after scooting him over a bit. 
That boy sleeps wild.
***********************
You felt yourself being shaken back and forth softly as if it was too hard for the person to push you. You open your eyes slowly and squint as they try to adjust to the dark; you look around the room in search of the person who worked you up, and soon, your eyes land on the smaller version of Thomas Shelby. 
The little boy turned his head to the side as she looked at you curiously. 
You sat up on your elbows and took a quick glance over to the clock next to you; it was seven on the dot. You turned back and looked over at Charlie, who was still looking at you.
"Yes, Charlie," you asked. 
"I'm hungry; where, Da," he asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. 
"He's out right now; I'm here. Is that ok," you asked; he nodded slowly in response.
"Ok, good, I have some food downstairs for you; we just have to get the baby up and well go, ok." 
"Baby?"
"Yeah, come look." You stood up, grabbed him, placed him on your hip, and showed him the baby below. 
"Who that" 
You thought about your answer before you responded to him. You didn't see the harm in telling him the truth, so you said, "She's your sister; her name is Ruby." 
He turned up to look at you so quick that you thought he gave himself whiplash. 
"My sista," he gasped and then tried to reach down to touch her.
"Yep, but wait, be careful, I'll put you down, and I'll grab her and show you." 
You put him down softly and then pick up your little girl; she begins to stir as you gently pick her up. You turned to see Charlie sitting waiting patiently with his feet swinging off the side of the bed. 
You sat down next to him and turned your body to face him; he glanced down at the baby, up at you, and down at the baby again. 
"Wow!" He said, then jumped down from the bed and took hold of your hand.
"Come on, me and baby hungry," he said, leading you downstairs. 
Once you got downstairs, you had him sit at the small table in the kitchen, and you kept Ruby in your arms as you fixed him a plate and then yourself. You warmed both plates on the stove and grabbed a pre-made bottle from the fridge while you waited. 
You sat down next to Charlie and offered him a proposition: "You want to feed her with me." 
He shook his head up and down so fast and tried to reach out to her. 
You pulled away from him slightly. "Wait, I'll hold her, and you hold the bottle, ok?"
He nodded and waited for you to give him the bottle; you showed him how to hold the bottle at an angle best for the baby and then let him take over. 
He reached over you slightly as he held the bottle to Ruby, and she took it instantly, drinking fast. 
After she was finished, you took her back upstairs to sleep; when you came back down, your food was finished warming, so you took both your plates out and cut up the food for him before handing it to him. 
Together, y'all both sat at the table and ate in silence.
"Are you my new ma" 
The piece of chicken you placed in your mouth instantly went down the wrong pipe, and you started to cough, your eyes began to water as your chest tightened. You reach for your glass of water on the table as you beat against your chest. 
As you drank your water, you glanced over at Charlie, who had started playing with his food. You cleared your throat a couple of times as you rubbed against it and drank more water, then set the cut back down next to your plate. 
You smack your lips against your teeth as you begin to speak. "Umm, w-what makes you uhhh what makes you say that." 
Charlie shrugged his causal shoulders, still glancing down at his food. "You're staying here with me and da; you sleep in the same bed as me and da and your baby’s ma." 
You tilted your head to the side, a puzzled look dancing across your face; you leaned down closer to Charlie and asked him a question, "You're four right." 
"Yep," he said, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth. 
"Um, yeah, no, Charlie, I'm not your "new" ma, and if I was, I wouldn't be your new ma, just another one, ok. Cause you ma Grace will always be your ma." 
He didn't say anything back to you, just nodded back slowly; it was clear that he was full now and probably was sleepy again. You assumed that you both had a long day of travel and these significant changes would take a second to get used to. 
You took both plates away, deciding that you were also finished eating; you quickly cleaned the plates and placed them in the drying rack. After you put the pot of food in the fridge, you pick Charlie up, take him upstairs with you. 
By the time your foot hit the last step, Charlie was somehow fast asleep; you brought him into the bedroom and carefully placed him down in the middle of the bed. You grab the covers, bring them over his body, and tuck him in slightly. 
After you check on your baby and find her still fast asleep. You decide to go back downstairs and sit in the living room to wait for Tommy; he should be home soon; he has been gone for hours now. Whatever he had to work on should be done by now……. Right?
.
.
.
You feel your oxygen supply getting cut off, and you start to struggle to breathe; you try to turn your head but to no avail because whatever's is on top of you is keeping you in place.
You begin to panic as you realize that you are asleep and have to force yourself away to be able to deal with whatever is keeping you from breathing. 
You feel your fingers begin twitching, then your eyes, and finally, after what seems like forever, you're able to open your eyes.
You squint your eyes as you try to help them adjust to the darkness, but it's still pitch black; you soon realize that the reason you can't see isn't because it's dark but because something lays on top of you. 
You lift your hand cautiously as you slowly lift Charlie's body off your head and back into the middle.
You lay there for a second as you try to catch your breath, then slowly, you sit up to check on your daughter, seeing as she has yet to wake you for a bottle tonight. You take a quick peek over into her bassinet. 
She's not there. 
You quickly shoot up in a panic, thinking your eyes are playing jokes on you, but once you get closer to the bassinet, you can confirm that she is not in there. 
You try to take deep to calm yourself down, but it gets caught in your throat as you slowly begin to spiral, and your mind starts to race with a million questions.
Where is she?
How could I not hear someone take her? 
When did I get up here? 
.
.
.
Wait, you pause for a second and try to think back to tonight. You didn't get in the bed. You remember waiting on the couch for Tommy; you must've fallen asleep, but how did you get up here?
Your head quickly pans over your shoulder, and in the bed next to Charlie, you see Tommy and your daughter lying on his chest and a half-empty bottle on the nightstand next to him. 
Relief floods your body as you slowly sit back down on the bed; you look back over at Tommy. The sight before you is truly something; if Tommy wasn't the devil reincarnated, it might make your heart swell. But instead, you're sitting there contemplating whether or not to get her off him and place her back in her bed. 
She seems fine, and there isn't much room for her or Tommy to roll around plus the risk of having to deal with her waking up in a sour mood if you move her isn't something you feel like doing right now. 
You lay back in bed next to Charlie, deciding to leave them be. 
As you fall back to sleep, instead of counting sheep, you tell yourself repeatedly.
That this is just for now and that
Thomas Shelby is in your past and not your future. 
***********************
Tag list:
@thhriller@macchiadinchiostro @naevisct @johnmurphys-sass @fannibalsrule @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @sis7890
I apologize if y/n having a kid is a huge turn-off for some people, mainly because there isn't any warning, and we're so deep into the story. I wanted it to be a surprise, but again, I'm sorry. Also, this isn't the last part. There are two more, and then that's it; I broke it down because I felt like having everything In one or two parts would've made it seem like Y/n and Tommy's end result would become too quick and not in a organic way. Also, I've been told this story gives dead doves don't cry or something like that; it's not, I promise, a happy end or as happy as person can be with Thomas Shelby. Anyways, thanks for reading. The story should be finished and fully uploaded all parts by Friday, Feb 9th.
P.S: I can't tell if this chapter is shitty or not I was just trying to get it out for yall so I'm sorry if it is.
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son-of-anubis · 5 months
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For Our Eyes, Only
Billy x Male Reader
WARNINGS: one dick sucking moment that is not even that grafic, some making out, jealousy, homophobia (mostly internalized but refers to the times i guess), not proofread
A/N: first writing ever, be nice please 😅, also obviously English is not my first language sorry about that
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The air in the saloon was somehow both airy and suffocating, loud voices echoing throughout the open space.
Y/N could see some of his men playing what he assumed was poker in the far right corner. His eyes stayed on Billys frame for a second longer than the rest. The broad shoulders and lanky torso. Flashes of just hours earlier plauges his mind.
"Fuck, just like that doll," Billy breathed out, intoxicated on the other mans actions.
Y/N managed a strained smile, even with Billys cock in his mouth. He felt immense pride, for being able to render the gunman from mysterious to babbleing fool.
The grip on his hair hardened and he...
"....ardon, sir? Excuse me?" the soft voice of the barmaid pulled him back to reality.
"Hmm?" he felt somewhat stupid for being so lost, but daydreamers weren't uncommon.
The woman, Penelope, giggled and put a hand on his bicep before asking him if he wanted anything more to drink.
Even though Y/N hated to do it, he flirted back. What he and Billy were doing, even if it was real to them, was a sin. He knew that. It wasn't natural. Though he never quite could figure out how all love but theirs was natural, it was just an accepted fact.
He could feel Billy watching him and for a moment he felt awful. He wanted so to just walk over to him, caress his hair, smooth the frown from his brows, kiss his jaw and tell him nothing compares to him.
But alas, he never could. So he put on the most charming smile he could and put his full focus on Penelope.
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"No mrs. L/N? I'm surprised!"
Y/N shrugged "No time really," he hoped the smiled reached his eyes "no time and no right person"
Penelope leaned in to him. Then she stilled. The smell of smoke and whiskey, mixed with a strong musky vanilla reached his nose and he knew who spooked her.
He turned around casually, catching the jealous sparkle in the taller mans eyes.
"Billy" he breathed out. He felt a stirring in his stomach at the fact that he would walk over here out of jealousy over him, but he also felt a pit forming. Eyes quickly darting around, hoping noone recognized the possessiveness as anything other that brotherly care.
"I need to talk to you." was the curt response he got.
Giving a smile he hoped was at least somewhat apolagetic, he removed himself from the barmaid and followed Billys fast pace out the doors.
Before Y/N could even question him he was pulled into a dark corner of the town and pushed up against a wall.
Their tounges fighting for dominance, a frustration of hiding that neither one could truly ever get out of their systems.
Finally pulling away, foreheads resting against each other.
Billy gruffed out a quiet 'sorry'. And Y/N nodded his head, because he did understand. They belonged to each other, but the world was never to know.
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Your Mihawk has me weak on my knees so I wanted to request something for him.
S/O has scars on her body, mainly on arms. She does fight but some of them look… too precise. One time after she loses a fight she is really pissed and nervous, she goes to a place alone. There he sees her just giving herself a scar with a knife on her arm. Turns out she was taught scars are signs of losses and if she doesn't get one in battle then afterwards she needs to do it herself. That's why she's so determined to always win. She hates scars.
@patisilence tagging since I'm not sure if you'll get this since I had to save it as a draft to format everything right.
Anyway.
I DID IT I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT
I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG 😭😭
And I honestly really really want to thank you. This is my first ever fic-request, for one.
And also, writing this has been an absolute emotional rollercoaster. I have kind of a personal history with self-harm and I wanted to depict it as realistically as possible. Which resulted in heavy focus on character development, which resulted in this practically turning into a novella. I'm going to split it up into a few chapters to streamline things and link them all in this post.
If I do it right, then the entire thing should already be posted when I post this, but I'm still pretty new to Tumblr so bear with me. Each chapter should be between 3k-4k words.
And ALSO ALSO I've been planning a longer Mihawk X OC fic, and I really hope you don't mind me using this concept for it? Because it honestly ties a lot of things together for me
Soooooo without further ado, here's the whole author note thing.
Your Scars Are Mine
Ch. 1
LA! Mihawk X AFAB!Reader
Tags: Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Mentions of Violence, I guess that's it, I'm bad at this
⚠️ MASSIVE ASS TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠️ : Self-harm, Blood, Implied PTSD
Summary: In the few months that he has known you, Mihawk has noticed the scars on your arm. You've refused to talk about them and skirted around the subject successfully, but a trip to Shells Town throws everything out into the open in a way that neither of you were prepared for.
Ch. 2
Ch.3
You were hiding something.
In the few months that Mihawk had known you, he had come to learn a fair bit about you. He knew, for instance, that you had over the past few years made something of a name for yourself as a sword for hire, typically among pirate crews who required a more discreet touch.
That this reputation of yours had led the Buggy Pirates to hire you to assist in stealing a map of the Grand Line from a Marine base in Shells Town. You had failed to procure the map before it was stolen by other hands, leaving you in their debt. Buggy had sunk your sloop to prevent your escape, and you had gotten stuck working for the ridiculous crew for a brief time, remained stuck with them until the Strawhat upstarts offered you passage with them.
Mihawk knew you had traveled with them as far as Baratie, where you had crossed his own path for the first time at the bar on the ship's deck. Where you had approached him with a bargain—if he left Roronoa Zoro alive after their duel the following morning, you would serve him for a year, an errand girl to send off on whatever menial tasks the World Government assigned him.
"And why would I want a little bird flitting around after me around for an entire year?" Mihawk had asked coolly.
And yet you had made a fair point—acting as a government lapdog was growing old. He had been sent after the vice admiral's grandson, for heavens' sake, as if he had nothing better to do with his time than to handle the old fool's family disputes.
Though the surly pirate warlord wouldn't have dared to dream of admitting it at the time, you had his attention. Your offer of unquestioned devotion, your confident demeanor as you sipped a glass of whiskey and kept your eyes on his without showing an ounce of fear or intimidation. You were certainly an interesting diversion from the otherwise dull task that had been laid before him, and your certainty that he would accept your offer had irritated and intrigued him in near equal measure.
It was intrigue that won out in the end. He had left his challenger clinging to the edge of life and taken you with him on his departure. You stayed toe to toe with him in wit and banter, and that alone would have been more than enough to draw him closer to your charm. He had wanted you before two weeks were out, wanted to claim you as far more than his "errand girl," and it was easy to see from the way you effortlessly returned his subtle flirtations that you wanted the same.
And now you were lying back across his broad chest in the hammock aboard your new sloop, a book open over your chest and his hand resting over your stomach, his other tucked under his neck as he frowned thoughtfully up at the roof of the small ship's cabin, pondering over the whirlwind of events that had led up to this moment.
It had been just over two months since the pirate lord had taken you as his lover, and you had been an open book about most things. Your training under your grandmother. Your setting out on your own from a small island village to find your parents, or some clue of their disappearance. The many and varied pirate crews you had served as a hired hand.
Yet you refused to discuss your scars.
Any seafarer with a history as sordid as your own had their share of battle scars. Mihawk had a fair few of his own; one didn't become the most renowned swordsman in the world without a few losses, after all. Yet your voice turned to clear contempt when yours were mentioned, even in passing, and you tensed like a statue when his hands brushed over them. You were confident to the point of near arrogance, yet you clearly held nothing but shame and contempt for the many marks that marred your delicate skin.
Some of which appeared oddly...uniform, for having been gained in battle.
It was in part—in great measure, honestly—the mystery of you that had drawn him in to begin with, and this was just another mystery that Mihawk intended to unravel.
You closed your book abruptly, stirring him from his thoughts as he glanced down at you. He watched you gaze thoughtfully toward the ceiling for a long moment, your hand resting over his at your stomach, before you finally spoke up.
"Reading a book is just staring at a dead tree and vividly hallucinating."
You tilted your head back, grinning as his mouth turned down in a frown and his brow furrowed at your ridiculous statement. Mihawk sighed wearily, plucking the book from your hands and lightly rapping you over the forehead with it.
"No," he scolded, as you giggled softly. He sighed heavily again, dropping the book over the back of the hammock before pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Are you trying to give me a stroke?"
"No," you said, imitating his scolding tone. You stretched your arms out over your head, arching your back for a moment, before rolling over to lay across his chest and brush your lips to his. "But it's fun seeing the look on your face."
"You irritate my very soul, little one," he said, shaking his head as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
"And I enjoy every second of it," you countered, grinning as you laid your forehead against his.
"I can tell."
Your grin managed to draw a small smile from him, before he lifted a hand into your hair and pulled you down into a slow, deep kiss. Your fingertips came to rest at his broad shoulders, the hammock swaying slowly in the steady ocean waves carrying the ship along. He knew as well as you did that he wasn't honestly irritated—your strange sense of humor had grown on him, as starkly as it contrasted to his dry sarcasm, and he rarely had the pleasure of meeting anyone as adept at keeping up with his own banter.
You lay your cheek at his shoulder when your lips parted, your eyes slipping shut and your contented sigh tickling against his neck.
"If the wind holds steady it will be a few hours before we make port," you said, your voice low and soft. "I suggest we don't move from here in the meantime."
"I'm not sure I've ever heard a finer suggestion."
Mihawk pulled one of your hands to his lips, brushing a kiss across your knuckles. He pulled his hat down over his eyes to block out the sun pouring through the windows of the small cabin, tucked his hand back behind his neck again, and shifted beneath you to get comfortable as he closed his eyes. His arm remained curled around your waist, his hand slipping just beneath the hem of your shirt so his thumb could rub slow circles over your soft skin as you both drifted off toward the peaceful recess of sleep.
The first thing that struck Mihawk when he woke was that you weren't in his arms.
Every day and night for nearly two months, he had fallen asleep and woken with you against him, and the absence of your warmth jarred him instantly awake and aware. His eyes scanned around his surroundings as he sat up, taking in where he was—the small cabin of the sloop he had recently bought you as a replacement for the one Buggy's crew had sunk.
His sharp yellow eyes darted toward the door, taking in the sound of unfamiliar, muffled voices outside the cabin.
He was standing in an instant, straightening his hat and pulling Yoru onto his back as he slipped silently through the door and onto the small deck of the sloop.
There was another sloop tethered to yours.
A pair of no-name pirates holding you against the bow ny your arms, their captain pressing the barrel of his pistol to your forehead as they bickered.
"There has to be something on board."
"We could just take her. Looks like she's probably a feisty little thing."
"Still have to check the cabins. Could be—"
Mihawk cleared his throat.
The trio turned their heads in almost comedic synchrony, their jaws dropping at the mere sight of him leaning against the door of the cabin. Mihawk's eyes flickered from them to you, and you averted your eyes, clearly ashamed to be seen in such a compromising situation.
So he shifted his gaze back to the opposing pirates, his eyes flickering between each of them.
"You will remove your hands from the girl or I will gladly remove them for you," he said levelly, lifting his eyebrows.
They quickly let go of your arms, and stepped away when he moved forward to wrap a hand around your wrist and pull you to him. He curled his arm around your waist, lowering his head over yours for a moment and murmuring quietly, "Are you hurt?"
You shook your head no quickly, your jaw set at a rigid angle as you turned your gaze down to your feet, your shoulders tense. He pressed a light kiss to your temple for a long moment before lifting his gaze back to the trio that had dared board your ship, his eyes narrowing in an unspoken threat.
"Go." They remained frozen, glancing between each other. "Now."
They scrambled back over to their ship immediately, severing the ropes that were tethering it to yours. Mihawk kept his arm around you, but his eyes remained trained onto the opposing sloop as it drifted away on the wind, debating on just drawing his sword and splitting it in half on the spot.
He turned his attention back down to you when you began to pull away from him. He pulled you in close again, frowning. It wasn't at all like you to be bested by a few no-names, and it was clear that you weren't taking it very well.
"Tell me what happened," he said finally.
"I woke up," you said curtly. "Thought I'd check the charts and see how far we were from Shells Town. They were already on the deck. Seemed to think this was a small merchant vessel since there's no flag. I'd left my knives in the cabin and I was still half asleep when I came out here. By the time I registered what was going on, one of them had a pistol to my head."
You really weren't making a very good case for him to not sink their boat. He cut his eyes briefly toward the sloop before looking back down at you, your face shadowed by your hair as you stared down at the deck floor.
"Their captain started questioning me about cargo," you continued. "Told them there wasn't anything valuable on board. They were discussing taking me as compensation." You sighed heavily. "And that's when you chose to enter stage left and take approximately twenty years off the end of their lives."
He rolled his eyes the slightest bit at your quip. "I would have taken a great deal more than that had they hurt you."
"Well, they didn't," you replied, your voice still curt. Mihawk lifted an eyebrow. "And it's perhaps best not to go splitting any boats in half a stone's throw away from a naval base," you added, nodding back toward the bow of the vessel.
Mihawk gave a quick glance as well. He had been too focused on the fiasco he had just awoken to to notice that Shells Town was visible on the horizon now. It wasn't as if the Marines could do much about it if he did sink the sloop, but you were right—it would still be more of a hassle than it was worth. He sighed, shaking his head a little, and curled a hand under your chin to lift your gaze to his. You still kept your eyes averted, your jaw set. He hadn't seen you lose a fight before—apart from sparring with him while training, but that hardly counted.
You had proven to be quite the fighter when he had decided to test you. You were nowhere near his equal, but you knew precisely how to play to your strengths with your pair of daggers and your throwing knives. Your stature made you difficult to target even in single combat, your movements a graceful dance that toed the line between evasion and power.
Yet one loss—and a rather inconsequential loss, at that—and you were beating yourself up over it quite a great deal more than what constituted normalcy. Mihawk wasn't sure whether to scold you for being dramatic or attempt to comfort you.
"You were caught off guard, little one," he said after a long moment, brushing a thumb across your cheek. "There's no need to be so upset over that."
"I'm not upset, I'm annoyed," you retorted, pursing your lips a little. "Blades or no, I should have been able to take care of those idiots."
"Annoyed, then," he allowed with a small sigh. "And I've no doubt you would have had I not woke. I was simply able to handle it a bit more...subtly."
"Oh, yes, because sauntering out onto the deck with a giant sword and threatening to cut off their hands was so subtle," you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm as you finally rolled your eyes over to his, lifting your eyebrows.
"Don't be a brat," he chided lightly. "We still have at least half an hour before we make port." Mihawk abruptly wrapped his hand around your chin and pressed his lips to yours in a brief, deep kiss that made you draw in a sharp breath. He parted just as you started to lean into it, resting his forehead against yours. He lowered his voice to an intimate murmur. "I would truly hate to have to spend it punishing you, my little bird."
You quirked an eyebrow, your lips curving in a small, coy smirk. "No you wouldn't."
He gave you a thoughtful frown and a small shrug of his shoulder. "Perhaps not." You let out a small cry of alarm when he stooped down and quickly scooped you up from the deck floor, one arm beneath your knees and his other curled around your back. "I suppose we'll just have to find out."
You chuckled lightly as he carried you to the door of the main cabin, plucking his hat off of his head and placing it on your own as you brushed your lips to his in a soft, teasing manner. Mihawk lifted his eyebrows when you nipped lightly at his bottom lip.
"You're really pushing your luck, my dear," he cautioned.
He lowered you down to the double bed in the cabin, his thumb rubbing small circles at the back of your neck. You lifted yourself onto your elbows, your lips nearly brushing his before he pulled back just far enough to stop you, lightly gripping your hair at the nape of your neck to keep you from sitting up any higher. You gave a small whine of protest, but didn't try to struggle against his grip—you and he both knew there was no point.
"Lie down." His voice remained low and intimate, but there was a subtle command in his tone, in the way his gaze burned into your own. You bit your bottom lip lightly, lowering yourself back down onto the bed fully. A soft, quivering sigh left your lips as he slowly began slipping the buttons down the front of your shirt loose. "Hands over your head. And you don't move them an inch until I tell you you can."
"Mmm..." You hummed thoughtfully, and Mihawk paused in unbuttoning your shirt as you lifted your arms from the bed, holding your hands high above you, straight up in the air. "I think my arms might end up getting tired."
Your lips pursed a little, clearly struggling to keep a straight face, and he lifted an eyebrow at you. "You're certainly in rare form today."
Mihawk wrapped his hand around both of your wrists, shoving your hands down into the plush white comforter over your head, and a couple giggles escaped you before you bit your lip again. It was honestly a bit endearing, how cheeky you were being—and all the moreso, as it appeared you were being so brazen just so he could have his fun with your punishment.
You were enticing him more and more every passing day, beyond the physical desire that had led him to claim you as his a couple months ago. It wasn't a feeling he was particularly accustomed to, nor was he quite sure what to make of it yet. He knew only that when he had seen you held captive against the bow of the boat, an emotion had flashed through him for a moment that he hadn't experienced in years.
For the briefest moment, Dracule Mihawk had felt fear.
He was not ready to contend with the connotations of that.
And he was a bit too busy at the moment, anyway. He let his forehead touch yours, his lips hovering a breath away from your own.
"You don't move your hands," he repeated, tilting his head to just barely graze his lips against your neck, drawing a small moan from your lips, "until I give you permission. Understood?"
"Yes, sir..." you sighed softly, your eyes slipping shut as he kissed down your collarbone, pushing your shirt open. His hand released your wrists and trailed down your arms, down to knead at the soft tissue of your breast through the sheer lace of your bra, feeling your nipple harden against his palm. He tugged the cups down, just a bit too hard given he felt one of them tear in his grasp, but that was a problem for later, not now.
You gasped out when he briefly pulled one of your stiff nipples into his mouth, his grip tightening slightly around your ribcage as you arched your chest toward his swirling tongue. His gaze flicked up to watch you writhe and shudder under his touch, your fingers digging into the bedsheets behind you, your hands searching for anything to keep occupied with.
"Very good," he praised, lifting a hand to brush a few strands of hair out of your eyes and brushing his lips to your jaw. "You see?" He wrapped his hand around your jaw and lightly pressed his lips to yours. "It's much better when you're a good little bird, isn't it?"
"This—doesn't feel much like a punishment," you commented, gasping softly as he circled the pad of his thumb around your nipple, lightly skimming across it once or twice.
"Yet," he corrected.
And gave you a small, devilish smirk, before lowering his head and biting down on the tender skin at the crook of your neck. Just hard enough to leave behind a small bruise, to draw a sharp cry from your lips and send a shiver through your body.
He straightened out as you heaved a sigh, standing over you. Your eyes remained glued to him while he shrugged away his long coat and tossed it back into a chair behind him, noting how your hands tightened down on the bedsheets again.
"Remember we still have a half an hour before we reach Shells Town." His fingertips curled around the waist of your shorts, the lace of your panties beneath them, and slowly inched them down your hips. "I could spend the entirety of it teasing you." Mihawk noted the movement in your throat as you swallowed in nervous anticipation, your eyes glued to his as he pulled them up the length of your legs and off, flinging them aside. "Making you beg for release but never allowing you the satisfaction."
How beautiful it was that it only took a few words to pull a blush to your cheeks and make your breath hitch. He brushed a light kiss to your calf and pushed your legs apart, rubbing his palms up your inner thighs.
"You're going to have to be on your best behavior if you want more, my sweet little bird." Trailing a single finger up your soft folds, dragging through your slick arousal and across your clit, pulling a small whimper from your lips. "Or would you rather I just torment you?"
You bit your lip, shaking your head quickly, your eyes flickering between his eyes and his fingertips trailing up. It was a struggle for him not to chuckle at you—always just cheeky enough to be amusing, but you knew the pleasure he could give you, were so desperate for it that you folded like a cheap deck of cards under his slightest touch.
Absolutely perfect.
Mihawk moved his hands up from your thighs, curling an arm under your back to lift you up and shift you further back on the bed. Your breathing was ragged with anticipation as he brushed his lips to your stomach, trailing his hands back down to your hips, his lips lower and lower, grazing slowly across the soft skin between your hip bones.
Shifting lower and dragging his tongue slowly up your slit, circling the sensitive bud at the apex, giving a quiet growl of approval as your breathy, shuddering moans filled the small cabin and your hips arched in his hands.
His gaze turned up toward your face, watching you draw closer to falling apart with every passing moment. This was only the beginning, and he still hadn't decided if he was going to give you what you wanted...but the sight of your divine, nearly naked and writhing under his touch with his hat still resting on your head made him just a little weak.
He moved from between your legs before he could get lost in the sight of you and the sweet sounds of your moans, reveling in the agonized whimper that left you as he trailed his mouth back up your stomach.
Across to your ribs, pausing at your breasts to brush his lips and his skilled tongue across your sensitive nipples.
Dragging his tongue up the column of your throat, seizing a fistful of your hair and crushing his lips to yours in a deep, possessive kiss, shoving your hip down onto the mattress to keep you from grinding against him, shifting his hand between your thighs to circle a finger around your tight entrance without pushing in. Your low moans and whines of protest were like music to his ears, your knuckles gone white from the force with which you gripped at the sheets over your head to keep your hands from wandering.
Every slow pass up and down your body brought you closer to the peak of pleasure but never quite there—and brought him closer and closer to caving in and giving it to you. He had to wonder whether you had any idea just how much of a temptation you were to him. It had been years since the pirate lord had allowed any woman to affect him quite as strongly as you had.
How much time had passed couldn't be ascertained for sure when he reached his breaking point—his mouth pressed into the crook of your neck while you moaned and begged desperately in his ear, one of his hands squeezing your breast hard enough to bruise the soft flesh while his other worked his belt buckle open and shoved his pants down his hips in a desperation that rivaled yours.
He shoved your open shirt up your shoulders and arms and flung it away; gripped one of your thighs, pushing your leg up as high as it would go, and the low growl that left his throat as he thrust into you was drowned out by your own cries of abandon. Your hips arched up from the bed to meet his, one of your arms flinging around his neck and your hooking beneath his arm to grip hard at his shoulder.
"I don't recall giving you permission to move," he breathed into your neck. He gritted his teeth as he pushed his hips forward hard, shoving yours back down into the bed as you cried out again, your slick walls tightening around his cock.
"I—I'm sorry, I can't—I can't—please—" You gasped, your head falling back as he moved in you in deep, hard thrusts, your fingernails dragging down his back. "Oh God, please—"
He lifted a hand to grasp at your hair as he crushed his lips to yours, delving his tongue into your mouth and drawing in a deep breath as you moaned desperately into the fierce kiss. The prospect of punishing you, of what the hell he had even been punishing you for was forgotten in this rush of unquenchable lust and desire, of pure carnal need for your body.
He normally hated losing control, but this was on another level entirely. There was no room to hate this, no room for anything but pure pleasure, for getting lost inside you as your walls tightened around his cock, as every muscle in his groin tensed and tightened in anticipation of impending release—
Your lips breaking away from his, your cry of abandon as your climax swept over you pulled him right over the edge with you. He pulled your hip up from the bed to slam into you as he came, gritting his teeth against a low groan, the rhythmic contractions of your tight channel milking him dry. His hips jerked toward yours with each intense wave of pleasure, fingers tangling in your hair as he pressed his lips to your neck, the two of you shuddering and tangled together over the bedsheets.
Mihawk heaved a shuddering sigh into the crook of your neck, his fingers tangled in your hair as he brushed his thumb across your temple. Maybe it was the lingering euphoria, but he didn't even think about the next words that left his mouth before he heard them himself.
"God dammit, (Y/N), I love you."
But it was impossible to deny any longer. You really were everything he had never realized he craved. No, it wasn't just the euphoria in the moment—it was that brief flash of fear earlier at the thought of you being hurt, at the thought of losing you. The utter fury at the morons who had briefly held you captive. How perfectly you balanced and complemented his desires.
He felt as much as heard you draw in a small gasp beneath him. "Y—you—wh—?"
"You heard me," Mihawk interrupted your quiet, almost cautious stammering, murmuring against your neck. He brushed his lips against one of the small, round bruises he had left on the soft skin, and said it again, quietly, "I love you."
You were quiet for a long moment, but he wasn't concerned, still trailing kisses up the side of your neck. He had seen it in your eyes before now, heard it in the softness of your voice when you lay against him, your fingers in his hair and your lips brushing his.
Several seconds passed, before you turned your head slowly and pressed your lips to his, tentatively at first, and then deepening the slow kiss with a soft sigh. He shifted onto his side, tugging you to him by your hip. Your forehead came to rest against his as your lips drifted apart, still barely a breath away, your eyes closed, your voice a quiet whisper.
"I...love you."
(Ch. 2)
374 notes · View notes
shycloudkitty · 4 months
Text
His Sweetest Escape
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Summary: Leon returned from a mission. Safe but exhausted and traumatized as hell. He doesn't want to drown in the suffocating thoughts of survivor's guilt. He wants an escape. And you were always his sweetest escape.
Pairing: RE6 Leon Kennedy! × Fem! Reader 
Tags: (NSFW 18+), MDNI, FWB relationship, Angst at first, talking about Leon's trauma (necessary for the plot), Oral (f receiving!), Cunnilingus, fingering, sitting on Leon's face, nipple play, Leon being a tease. A bit ooc? Probably. 
A/N: Hello Guys!!! My FIRST smut fic is here🤭. Yes I know…FWB again, but I just really wanted to write a smut fic with that trope😭. Also I am very serious about minors not interacting with this post. Please don't.
(Edit) : This can be considered a sort of rough prequel to Just a little touch. Cause for a prequel I have something else cooking up🤭
Hope you enjoy this and have a good day!! 😊😊
A huge thanks to @elfven-blog and @luniaxi for helping me a lot. A little birthday (belated) present to @nexysworld 🥰
Dividers by: @/cafekitsune
WC: 5.6K
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Another mission. Another horde of zombies and tyrants. And dozens and dozens of lives that he wasn't able to save in time. But it was a successful mission or at least that's what he was told by his superiors. 
Leon tiredly pushed open the door to his apartment and deeply sighed as he slowly entered and closed the door behind him. 
It is said that a home perfectly reflects people's personalities. The things there give bits of how a person lives and wants to live, their likes and dislikes and much more. 
And his cold and empty apartment gave a perfect reflection on who he was. The furniture was there, furnished of course. But that was it. No decorations or signs of someone living there. And that's how he felt he was. A person who had all the features of a normal person but cold and empty on the inside. 
But then again he never found a home. This was just a place to live in. 
Leon found a whiskey bottle from the liquor cabinet and dropped to the couch, groaning as he sat down after a long time feeling his injuries stretch uncomfortably making him wince. Leaning his head back and staring at the empty ceiling, flashbacks of the mission running wild in his mind. Taking a big swig of his whiskey to numb it. Trying to forget everything about that God forsaken assignment. 
Leon kept drinking and drinking till he started to feel a bit numb to it and sighed tiredly to himself and pushed the bottle aside. Allowing himself to get a bit lost in his thoughts and closed his eyes. 
He was so fucking tired of all this fighting, fighting it to no fucking end and never seeing the ray of hope that all of this shit would end one day. Instead it only got worse. And he fucking hated it. 
His survivor's guilt continued to eat at him slowly and bit by bit on his consciousness, till he felt suffocated by it. 
He opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and groaned in frustration. The fuck was wrong with him? Actually don't answer that, he already knows. 
He took a deep breath to calm himself. Closing his eyes and taking small deep breaths. 
Leon shook his head to himself and sighed again. This wasn't going to go away anytime soon. And he really didn't want to wallow and drown in the guilt or he was sure it would kill him more than it already had. He wanted an escape. 
A sweet escape that always made him forget about the hellish missions and the guilt that comes with it. 
He opened his phone and searched for your contact and pressed the call button. Bringing the phone to his ear as it rang. 
For some reason he felt a bit guilty for only calling you for these things, which was weird because it has always been like this between you both… and neither of you minded it before. 
Maybe he needs this more than he thought. 
“Hey handsome” Your sweet voice rang in his ear from the other side of the call making his mood a bit better. 
He cleared his throat and said “Hey… Doing anything right now?” Trying not to sound too desperate for her and playing it cool. 
“Sort of… But… I can be free if you want~” trying to tease him a little bit. 
A small smile bloomed on his face when he heard that and teasingly replied. “You will make time for me huh? That's sweet.” 
You chuckle and tease him back. “Oh you know… I could never say no to you…or a good time.”
Your teasing words made Leon smile a bit more. Knowing you could always tease him a little and get away with it and he wouldn't mind it even once cause he loved the tease. 
Leon then says. “Then be free and come here.”
“Uff… So bossy. Can't add a ‘please’ in your sentence?” You asked in a playful way. 
“One more comment out of your smart mouth and I will come to your apartment to show you how bossy I can actually be.” Voice getting sultry as he teased you. 
It's not like it will be the first time he bossed a sweet thing like you around… always so eager to please him, following the orders he used to give you while you were a moaning & whimpering mess but oh, so ready to do them… just for him. 
How could he not feel like a God when you were always ready to be his devoted worshiper. 
There was a beat of silence, and Leon smirked knowing that teasing worked perfectly in making you flustered. 
He took the opportunity and said “Hmm… that's what I thought, now come here…please” emphasizing the word please more on purpose. 
You lightly huff over the phone. “You know you are making a lot of promises.” your voice was clearly flustered even if you tried to hide it. 
“Cause I can keep ‘em. I don't make empty promises and you know that…” His voice lowered. He knew how much he had an effect on you, and he couldn't help but use it to his advantage. 
Leon waited for a response. 
“...I do.” your voice came out more breathy than he expected. 
“Good girl… now come soon. I am waiting.”
He cut the call and tossed his phone aside, taking a deep breath. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he got plenty worked up from just one call and it was probably less than a minute. 
You were a damn vixen and he loved it. 
Now that you were most certainly coming over, he could at least take a shower. He got up from the couch with a groan and stretched his arms a bit and made his way to his bathroom. 
Removing his gear and soiled work clothes, he got in the shower and turned it on. Letting the water slowly wash the grime and dried blood away along with the horrible memories of the mission. 
Instead he focused his thoughts on you. He let his mind slowly fill with the sweet memories of you. Your soft red lips against his… They tasted like candy, sometimes cherry but always something sweet. 
And he especially loved when your pretty lips were wrapped around his cock…slowly taking him in and looking up at him with those greedy eyes all your senses focused on him to pleasure him. 
How could he not want a sweet thing like you around forever? 
But he wouldn't admit that out loud. 
Leon could feel himself get more worked up as he felt more images fill up in his head and groaned quietly.
He huffed lightly, and quickly finished his shower and got out of it. Moving towards his wardrobe and wearing his sweatpants and one of his casual blue t-shirt. And decided to wait till you arrived. 
15 mins later his doorbell rang and he grinned at the thought that it was you. And quickly walked towards the door and opened it. 
And there you were, a smile on your face and a soft blush on your cheeks. Wearing a white crop top and blue jeans to pair it up with and he couldn't help but smirk at the sight. He bit his lip lightly and teasingly said. “You came huh?”
You rolled your eyes and smiled playfully at his words. “You called.” your voice being equally teasing. 
He grinned and let you inside his apartment and closed the door behind you. 
“When did you come back from your mission?” You asked as you went over and sat on the couch and looked at him. 
“Today actually…” Leon said as he came over and sat beside you. You raised an eyebrow and said. “Today... Like..Just now?” 
Leon nodded and shrugged lightly and looked at you. “Yeah. Why?”
Your eyes widened and said. “Wow… aren't you tired and sleepy as hell?”
Leon chuckled and shrugged. “No, not really.”
Well to be fair he was exhausted but that's why you were here… to take it all away. 
You frowned slightly not believing his words. After all, he was gone for a considerably long time. You then slowly ask. “Are you sure?”
Leon just chuckled and teasingly replied with a smirk. “Don't worry your pretty little head about it… Although I am flattered that you care that much about my health.”
While he was grateful that you were concerned for him, he didn't want to talk about it. He would rather focus on you and get lost in you than talk about his awful work. 
You roll your eyes and smirk at him and playfully reply. “Please… I am only asking because I don't think you will be able to last if you just came back home tired as hell.” 
You knew what you were doing, but again a little friendly fire never hurts anyone. And in this, you don't care if it hurts you. 
Leon looks at you in amusement and scoffs lightly, shifting closer to you as his voice lowered. “You think I wouldn't be able to last long hmm?” Slowly bringing his hand to your thigh and caressing it gently while looking in your eyes. 
You bite your lip and slowly say. “You heard what I said… Did I hit the nail with that?” 
No, but you did hurt his ego. And he was going to prove exactly how wrong you are. All in the name of friendly fire. 
Leon started to gently run his fingers to your inner thighs and rub teasing circles there. His hand inching closer and closer... but never touching you where you really wanted him to. 
His lips curve in a smirk and biting his lip lightly. “You really think that huh...” his hot breath hitting your neck. His gaze falling on your lips, on how you are slowly biting them. 
Your face grows flushed and goosebumps rise on your skin as he… slowly moves his free hand on your other thigh and does the same thing there. His smirk grows wider when he feels you squirming a bit. 
Everything around you feels so much hotter now… his touch, his eyes shamelessly tracing every inch of your soft body. 
Leon watched as you cleared your throat and looked away from him. “Not really… I was just joking, you know.” 
Leon smirked some more and teasingly repeated your words. “Just joking hmm?”
Your breath hitches when Leon presses his lips on your neck and presses feather light kisses on it while gently nibbling on it too. You tilt your head back giving him better access, eyes fluttering shut as his teeth lightly scrape your skin.
Your perfume slowly fills his senses and makes his mind hazy with lust. You smelled so fucking good to him. All this teasing was doing a number on him. So much so that now all he wanted to do was to fuck you dumb against this couch and still keep going. 
He gently bites your earlobe and mumbles. “Can't have you making jokes everywhere on serious matters baby…”
You gasp as he suddenly spreads your thighs apart, settling himself between them. His bites on your neck get a bit more harsher as his hands start sliding to your ass. Gripping them tightly and bringing you close, pressing you against the couch and him.
He then whispers. “Can't have a sweet thing like you leaving my bed thinking my cock wasn't good enough for your pussy…”
You squirmed in his grip as his words shoot straight at your core. His touch felt as if it was burning right through your skin. You opened your mouth to say something and a small whimper escaped your lips as he bit down on a much sensitive part of your neck. 
“Oh Leon…” You mumbled and looked at him. And he quickly sealed your lips with a kiss and mumbles against your lips. “I know baby, You love that cock don't you? Love how good it feels when it ruins your little cunt.” 
A small mewl left your mouth as two of his fingers reached your center, sliding them up and down on your clothed cunt giving you the stimulation you were craving. 
Leon smirked at your little sounds and snakes his other hand under your crop top, slowly groping your right breast in his hand. And tauntingly says. “Yeah…Feels good when I give that cunt a bit of attention, Doesn't it? Already squirming under my fingers and I haven't even started.” 
Your body grew hotter as his fingers started to rub small circles over your cunt and now groping your breasts a bit harshly now. You can feel your panties getting wet from his teasing and lean more into his fingers to search for that friction. You whine and pout at him. “Leon…Stop teasing.”
He bites your earlobe. “You try to tell me what I should…And teasing you will be all I do tonight.” You pouted him in response and he just gave you a teasing grin.
As he says that he pinches one of your nipples making you jolt in surprise. You whine as he continues to pinch and roll it teasingly between his fingers drawing a needy moan from you. 
He then pulls away slightly and starts to unbutton your jeans and kisses you. He lightly tugs at your lower lip, giving you a pleasant shiver down your spine. Removing your jeans he cups your ass and drags it a bit closer for him to see. Smirking at the wet spot on your cute lacy panties. 
Soft moans and whimpers fall off your lips as he presses his thumb on your clit over the thin layer of the fabric and rubs slow teasing circles. 
His free hand makes its way to your chest and eagerly lifts your crop top and tugs your bra down to free your breasts. And latches his mouth to one of them and eagerly starts to suck on them, not even bothering to fully remove it.
He then starts to slowly suck on your nipples taking his sweet time with it while still paying attention to your cunt. His eyes are shut as if he was concentrating on the world's most important task ever. Your moans started to get louder and more whiny, and feel the flimsy fabric of your panties sticking to your folds by now.
He suddenly pinches your clit at the same time he gives a harsh tug at your nipple. Your body twitches from the sensation and you whine louder than before. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you gasped for breaths.
You looked down to see his face and whined to him. “Leon, I want more…please.” Your voice was more breathy than before. You gave him a pout and looked at him with those same needy eyes which he usually gave into.
He feels so proud for having you this way, seeing how quickly you used to melt for him and gave him the control he was so desperately craving without any resistance. And he loved it every single time. Seeing your red pouty lips, eyes filled with lust, messed up hair, flushed face, it made his heart skip a few beats every time… He could always get lost in your beauty and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Leon presses a kiss at your temple and drops another at your shoulder. And smirks and in a taunting tone whispers. “We just started baby, Already can't last hmm?”
Ass. That's what he was. An ass for using your words against you. 
He then pulls back and you whine at the loss of his touch. Panting softly, your skin feeling as if it was burning under his hot gaze. You look up at him and he wasn't any better but he had a better control on it. 
He grins and kisses you softly on the lips to make up for the teasing and softly asks “Want to move this to the bedroom?” You nod and kiss him back. Wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close. 
You both kiss each other softly and he slowly removes the rest of your clothes and lifts you up in his arms and slowly stands up. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Your hands gripping his shoulders and continue to kiss him softly while he makes his way to his bedroom. 
He places his hands on your hips to hold you and never breaks the kiss even once. If anything he pulls you more close and deepens the kisses. He opens his bedroom door and slowly lays you down on bed and pulls away a bit and smiles at you and softly whispers. “Want more?”
You nod and he leans in close and deepens the kiss. Gently caressing your body all over, his hands kneading the soft plush fat of your thighs and hips. Tongue exploring your mouth sensually while kissing you. Both of your eyes closed while enjoying the sensual kisses and touches. This was much calmer than what you both were doing earlier but still very sensual to keep you both going. 
“Feeling better?” He mumbles against your lips. 
You chuckle softly and in a teasing tone reply. “I would feel much better when you actually start.” 
You feel a deep rumble from his chest as he laughs softly at that and shakes his head lightly. His voice takes a quick change from soft to sweetly seductive and whispers. “Fucking insatiable…Love it. Who could tell that a cutie like you was such a slut inside. But you are not gonna hear any complaints from me.”
Your cheeks burn red from his words as he now starts to kiss your neck and collarbone. A moan slipped from your mouth when he pressed himself forward and his boner made contact with your sensitive clit, letting you feel how much he was turned on right now. The cloth of his sweatpants gave enough friction to feel amazing as you started to grind against him, wanting to continue where he left off. 
Soft grunts slipped from his mouth as he felt you eagerly rub your pussy against him. A rough chuckle leaves his lips and he mumbles. “Patience baby…” and moves his hips away to stop it, pulling a whine from your mouth from frustration. 
He brings your lips in a deep kiss which you were more than happy to respond to. His hands found their way back to your chest to your breasts. Groping and massaging them and giving light tugs at your nipple which made your body twitch in excitement. 
He then tugged your lower lip, gave a harsh bite to it and tweaked your nipple lightly. He continues this motion of torturing you like this. While you lay there under him writhing and moaning for him. “Leon… I can't take it… please..”
The little piece of shit just laughs and tweaks your nipples once more making you whimper for him. And in a taunting tone says. “Oh yeah? You can't take it hmm? Too damn bad…”
You feel him rubbing those little buds under his thumb sometimes rolling it between his fingers while basically tongue fucking your mouth. You whimper, whine and even try to push him off but if anything that encourages him to do more of that. 
Soon you feel that invisible band in your stomach stretching and stretching… just waiting to snap. And Leon notices it, the way your body starts shivering and your moans get louder. He then leans in to whisper. “Gonna cum baby?”
You nod and look at him with a pout. “Please…” He just smirks and keeps doing what he was doing. Your body twitches and holds onto his shoulders. Your eyes flutter shut. You are just so close… Right… there. 
And he pulls away. 
Your eyes immediately shoot open. “Nooo!” A loud whine leaves your lips and look up at him with a frustrated expression. 
How could he do this to you? Such a fucking tease? And you were so fucking close and he just had to pull away and ruin it. 
He had a big shit eating grin on his face but he wasn't faring any better than you were. His shirt was clinging to his body, face flushed red and his hair messed up. And the way you can see his dick bulging in his pants proved he was just as pent up as you. 
He was just teasing both of you to hell. Asshole. 
You gave a pout as the tears from frustration started to brim in your eyes. “You are so mean…” 
Leon smiles as he leans down closer to you and softly coos to you. “Aww… is my baby angry at me?”
You nod and continue to pout at him. Leon smiles and takes your face in his hands. And kisses you gently on your soft lips. You don't kiss him back at first but you hear his soft whispers to forgive him for teasing you so much. “Please baby… forgive me? I swear I wouldn't tease you now… Kiss me back?”
And you really wanted to stay mad at him but… you couldn't do that for much long. 
How could you when he looked at you with those blue lust blown eyes and gave you soft kisses across your face to make you forgive him? 
You then slowly kissed him back and he was more than happy to oblige. Kissing you softly, taking his time to ease you and then he says. “Ride my face? I promise I will let you cum this time..”
Your face went red and your eyes widened and mumbled against his lips. “Really? Are you sure you want me to do that?”
You feel him nod, lightly tugging at your lower lip and say. “Of course…Want that pretty pussy of yours on my face.”
It's not like this was your first time riding his face either...
Your face goes red but you are more excited than embarrassed. You nod and kiss him back with more fervor. “Okay… I will.”
He pulls away and finally removes his clothes. Removing his sweatpants and freeing his cock from it. Groaning softly as his cock slaps against his stomach. Precum leaking from his cock. Spreading it with his thumb from his tip to the rest and lightly strokes himself. Hissing at how sensitive his cock was from all that teasing. 
Your mouth waters at the sight of him naked. His body was littered with scars but that only made him more alluring at this moment. You just wanted to kiss and nibble on each scar till he was red from all the hickeys. It always took your breath away when you watched him like this. 
You lick your lips and come closer to him and give him your most innocent doe eyes and make your voice as seductive as possible. “Can I taste you?”
Leon feels his cock twitch at the request and lightly bites his lips. He was really really tempted to take you up on that offer but he had other plans… 
He tilts your chin up and says. “Look at you… so eager for this cock hmm? Already want to wrap your pretty lips on it.”
You feel yourself getting more slicked from his words and eagerly nod. “Yes…please, want to suck your cock so bad…”
Leon smirks and gives a teasing kiss on your lips. “Some other time baby, want you to ride my face today.”
Your face flushes deep red and nod. “Okay…”
He grins and lays back down on bed adjusting himself with pillows under his head and motions for you to come up. 
You bite your lip and slowly crawl over to him. Slowly bringing your thighs on either side of his head, hands grasping at the headboard as you position yourself over his face. 
A loud groan leaves his lips as his eyes locks down at your drenched cunt. He licks his lips and feels his mouth water, he immediately grasps your hips and thighs and positions your cunt in front of his hungry mouth. 
You gasp softly as you feel him suddenly shift you more and look down at how hungrily he was looking at you. 
Leon moves his hands to your ass and squeezes it gently. And looks at you. “Come on baby sit. And don't hover, don't want to waste a drop of you”  His words make your stomach flip. Your heart thundering in your chest as you try to come up with something to say but feel your words stuck in your throat. 
You bite your lips and follow his words. And slowly sit down on his face and the moan he let's out when his tongue makes contact with your clit was downright pathetic. He immediately tightens his grip around your thighs and your ass, closing his eyes and lapping at your cunt happily. 
You moan softly as you feel his tongue give you lazy, slow licks from your labia to your clit. Taking his time with it, slowly tasting through your folds. Swirling his tongue around your already sensitive clit giving it occasional tugs with his teeth.
Your body twitches above him as your moans turn into cries of pleasure. Trying to move away from his face but he grunts and grabs your ass and pulls you back in. Giving your ass a light spank, “Don't move…” 
You squeal and close your eyes as you focus on his tongue, trying not to move that much. Biting your lip, one of your hands makes into his hair. He groans at the feeling of your fingers lightly threading through his hair. And pushes his tongue inside your sopping hole, slowly fucking you with it. 
He moans when he feels your juices on his tongue. You always tasted like a fucking heaven to him. He could stay between your thighs all day if he could. Drinking what you had to give to him while hearing sweet chorus of whines and moans as they left your mouth, his own favorite music to listen to when he came back home from those fucked up missions. 
You were his personal haven, letting him have you like this, he felt the luckiest man in the world. Feeling you tug his hair, squirming on his mouth and still riding his mouth like it was your last day on earth. He fucking loved it. He could get off on having you just like this. 
Your thighs squeeze around his head and tug at his hair a bit harder than necessary pulling a groan out of him. It only encouraged him to fuck his tongue into you faster. You squealed a bit as lifted you up a bit only to feel two of his fingers enter your cunt drawing a long moan out of you. Slowly sliding in and out of you, your wet walls eagerly sucking him back in. 
A loud groan leaves your lips when he starts to suck on your clit too. “Oh fuck…Leon!” Hips moving on its own, as he continues to finger you and tug at your clit. Curling his fingers inside and moving them against the spot which always made you see stars. Your body twitches and eyes roll in the back of your head as he moves his fingers faster. 
His fingers constantly assaulting that sweet spot within you, sometimes slowing them down to hear your pretty whines of protest and suddenly increasing the pace just to fuck with you. Feeling your thighs squeeze around his head tightly drawing a loud groan from him, the vibrations going straight to your core and giving you an instant jolt of pleasure. 
All the teasing slowly piled up and you felt that familiar band in your core just waiting to snap at any moment. You clenched tightly around his fingers. He hummed in satisfaction as he felt you do that, removing his fingers and pushing his tongue inside, wanting you to cum on his tongue instead.
He held your hips tightly to support you and let you ride his face as much as you wanted. Both of your hands going down to his hair, tugging at it while riding his face at your pace. Your clit constantly bumping against his nose making you a moaning mess above him. “Fuckkkk… Leon… feels so good… Just like that! Fuck! Yes!”
His eyes roll in the back of his head as he feels the stinging pain as you tug at his hair. Loving the pain and pleasure that came with it. One of his hands goes down to his cock and stroking himself in time with the pace that you set. Feeling himself getting closer and closer as you both kept going. 
He felt he could burst at any moment just from hearing the lewd noises you both were making. And he wouldn't have it any other way.
You open your eyes, your gaze drifting to the sight of him between your legs. And it instantly brought you closer to the edge than ever. His eyes were screwed shut, focused on giving you the high you were so eagerly chasing. His grip on your ass was tight enough to leave bruises, not that you cared.
You loved seeing his marks on your body anyway. 
“M’ gonna cum… so close…” you whined as you looked down at him. His eyes opened to look at the heavenly sight of you writhing above him and smirked. 
He winked at you and moved his tongue faster inside you and gave you a sudden spank from the hand that was already gripping you while he stroked himself with the other. 
You whine from the spank and feel that band inside you finally snap “Leon!”. He soon comes after you with a loud groan and hisses as ropes of thick hot cum fall on his thighs and abs. 
Your body twitches and shakes when the euphoria flows through your body. You felt so lightweight, feeling like you could drop at any moment. Leon gently grasped your waist with one hand and the other on your thigh, slowly helping you ride through your high. And eagerly drank up every drop. Humming softly in satisfaction. 
You whined softly still feeling his tongue swirl around your clit. You tried to get off of him whining softly in protest and he gently lowered you down in bed. His chin was soaked with your release as he wiped it away with the back of his hand. 
He brought you close to him, pressing you against him and giving soft kisses on your forehead and cheeks. Both of you were breathing heavily in each other's arms. His soft kisses act as a soothing balm to your tired body. 
You gently caressed his hair and face in return as he started to pepper kisses along your collarbone now. “Feeling good?” Leon's soft voice entered your dazed mind. You smiled lazily at him and sighed softly. “I feel amazing…”
Leon chuckled and gave a soft kiss to your crown and pulled you closer. “Good…I would be disappointed otherwise.”
You chuckled and teasingly say. “In me or yourself?” He snickered and replied “You of course. I am amazing at what I do.”
You raise an eyebrow at him and say. “And I am not?” Leon smirked and bit your earlobe playfully. “That’s up for debate…”
You scoffed, giving him an offended look at him and narrowed your eyes at him “Excuse me?”
Leon had to bite back a chuckle as he saw you trying to be serious, and he could tell that you weren't serious either. Seeing your smile threatening to take over your face.
You huff when you saw a chuckle slipping from him. “You are laughing at me aren't you?” Still keeping your eyes narrowed at him. 
Leon cleared his throat, trying his best to be serious. “No, I would never laugh at you.” 
You rolled your eyes at him and said. “Liar.” 
Leon chuckled, shaking his head in amusement and playfully whispered. “You look cute when you are angry.”
Your eyes widened at his words and looked away from him to hide your blushing face from his comment “Whatever.”
Leon chuckled. “Uh huh… What is this then?” Poking at your red cheeks. 
You pouted at him and huffed. “Nothing okay? Just shut up.”
Leon’s snickered and a mischievous grin spread on his face. “You want me to shut up? Sit on my face again and then I will think.”
Leon's smirk widened as he saw your face flush red and looking away from him, squirming slightly as you thought about doing it again. Leon squished your cheeks and turned your face back towards him and looked at you with a smug face. 
“You want to sit on my face again don't you?” A knowing smug smile on his face. 
Your face turned beet red as you felt yourself heat up again from his words and slowly nodded. 
Leon smirked and started to kiss your neck all over again and mumbled. “So...fucking...insatiable.”
This was sure as hell gonna be a long night for both of you. But none of you had any complaints. 
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God. It's done. Oh my god. FINALLY. I honestly didn't expect this to take so much of my time but it surprisingly did. I guess it did cause it's my first time writing smut rather than consuming it lol.
Anyways... I hope you liked this fic. Hope it made your day!!🥰😊.
Until next time 😊❤
-Bella
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morallyinept · 4 months
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What a year it's been for fic writing!⭐️
There have been soooo many stories I've read and enjoyed this year, that's it's been super hard to pick favourites, and I've spent a good amount of time this year trying to narrow it down to just 25.
Listen, every single story I've read this year has been absolutely amazing. I am blown away by the sheer amount of talent and creativity we have in this fandom!
If you're not featured here on this particular list, it's not because I don't like your work or didn't enjoy it - far from it. I've simply put together a list of my personal favourites this year, based on how they made me feel, how often I re-read them, and some that have completely floored me.
And if you want more than just the 25 fic recs I've mentioned here, then please check out my Pedro Character Fav Fic Rec List where all the stories I've read/want to read and come across are featured. My TBR is through the roof, let me tell you, but it's a great problem to have!
And if your story isn't on my fic rec list, it's more than likely because I haven't found your work yet, so please yell at me to check it out! I'd absolutely love to!
Keep on writing, writers. You're all amazing!
So, without further ado, please find my top 25 Pedro Character Fics that I've really enjoyed reading this year! 🖤
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☝️In no particular order, and includes a summary from the writer, where provided. Some series may still be ongoing. Please check the specific triggers/warnings on each story individually as some may not be suitable to your tastes:
• I Am Touchin', I Am Grabbin', Everything I Can't Be Havin' - @chronically-ghosted Dieter Bravo "A storm and a dead phone leaves you at the front door of your uncle’s mansion in LA. Thing is, you haven’t seen each other in over a decade and neither of you quite remember the other one looking like that. But what’s one night gonna do? Well, as it turns out – as Dieter spirals at a breaking point in his career and you’re so lost in life you can’t see up from down – a whole fucking lot."
• Rock Bottom Series - @ghostofaboy Frankie Morales "Frankie is spiraling after Tom’s death. Drugs lead to some unhealthy friendships, and too ashamed to reach out to his former teammates for help, Frankie is drawn into a world he’s afraid he can’t get out of."
• Palomino Series - @fuckyeahdindjarin Agent Whiskey "Unable to get a refund for a week-long horse-riding pack trip you’d booked with your ex, you decide to go solo. As it turns out, a rebound with a cowboy named Jack while traversing the wild landscapes of Wyoming might just be what you need."
• Stepwise @the-scandalorian Din Djarin "Requests for both soft and smutty touch-starved head canons spiraled out of control and became this."
• It Pours From Your Eyes - @the-blind-assassin-12 Joel Miller "Some things don't need to be said. Until they do."
• Transplant Series - @marisferasiop Joel Miller & Ezra "You are a resident and the only trained doctor in Jackson. You're bubbly and sweet, outgoing and friendly, and also in an unlabeled "situationship" with the town scrooge, Joel Miller. He won't say you're together, but he'll scare anyone else off. When Tommy drags back a half-dead man and girl from a patrol, you dutifully patch them up and help them settle into their new slotted house - across Rancher Street from yours and Joel's houses. Ellie and Cee get on like a bonfire, and when Joel sees how often you talk to your newest patient, his insecurities make him draw up and away from you. As you slowly give up on him and start something with Ezra, Joel's pining turns to frustration. Tommy convinces him to see if you'd be interested in being a throuple. Surprisingly, you and Ezra are both open to the idea. But can Joel's insecurities and possessiveness withstand such an arrangement? Or will the blow of another loss be what finally breaks him?"
• I'll Know It When I See It Series - @bageldaddy Joel Miller "It's the golden age of porn. Sex and sin are the national pastime. Your career in adult films starts opposite a man who goes by the name Texas."
• Compulsion Series - @iamskyereads Ezra "Beatrice is a Drifter, a member of that oft-maligned, enigmatic subsection of workers on Baylor Corporation’s long haul expeditions. Ezra is a man with flowery language and a dark past, but he plays guardian to a strong willed, soft spoken teenager. In a madcap scheme to steal precious gems from the corporation’s mining operations, Ezra and his ward, Cee, form a reluctant alliance with this lone Drifter."
• Left In Lincoln Series - @toxicanonymity Joel Miller "After you were orphaned by the Outbreak, Bill and Frank raised you, sheltered in their closed community. Now 21+, you're still inexperienced. They leave to get treatment for Frank and ask Joel to look in on you while they're gone. The town begins to creep you out, but Joel is glad to provide comfort and protection."
• Summer Schooled Series - @boliv-jenta Dave York & Joel Miller "Needing some cash before college, you start babysitting for Mr Miller and Mr York. When you decide to spend the summer teasing them. They decide you need to be taught some lessons."
• I Urge You, Bite Me - @netherfeildren Joel Miller "Sometimes love hurts like a split nail, and sometimes we like it like that. Sometimes Joel hurts like a split nail, you like him like that too."
• Sex Worker Frankie Series - @prolix-yuy Frankie Morales "Francisco “Catfish” Morales, a former sex worker at Pope’s escort service, takes on a final client and is met with something unexpected."
• Said The Spider To The Fly - @blueeyesatnight The Thief No summary provided by author, and I won't spoil it, however this is an awesome little fic which I urge you to check out if you haven't already!
• Catalyst Series - @ezrasbirdie Frankie Morales & Joel Miller "You've been nursing a crush on one of your closest friends, Frankie Morales, for a year now. At his 40th birthday party, you finally meet his new friend and neighbor, Joel Miller, who Frankie hasn't been able to stop talking about. You hit it off a little too well."
• Just A Piece - @palioom - Dave York "Dave only married you to keep his life as a hitman hidden. But when he comes home one day to you having cooked one of his childhood meals, he is doubting if he only married you out of necessity."
• This Charming Man - @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin Frankie Morales "Frankie’s wife kicks him out and files for divorce following a second trip to retrieve their money. He feels lost and hopeless until he meets someone new. He falls hard and fast for her. He’ll do anything to have her."
• Lemon Cakes & Lust - @thetriumphantpanda Oberyn Martell "Just a lowly kitchen girl, that’s all you were. A life of struggle behind you, masked by the facade of the palace. A tray of lemon cakes holds your fate with Prince Oberyn and you are only too happy to oblige his wanting of you."
• Headshots Series - @secretelephanttattoo Marcus Pike "You're a photographer and you get a job working for the FBI, taking corporate headshots."
• Starving Season Series - @wannab-urs Dave York "You and Dave York are two people with nothing left in this world. You find yourselves starving for each other, trying to fill whatever void you each have in yourselves."
• Akrasia - @sp00kymulderr Ezra "Ezra quarantine smut that focuses much less on the lockdown and much more on the smut."
• Sequins - @trulybetty Joel Miller "On a night out with friends, you run into a broad-shouldered stranger and there's no denying that there's an immediate attraction between the two of you."
• Kill Shot Series - @magpiepills Ezra "A lonesome prospector comes face to face with a dangerous stranger. What happens when you can’t resist his charm?"
• Send In The Clown - @covetyou Dieter Bravo "You lose your scarf on a visit to the carnival. Send in Dieter Bravo - washed up actor turned circus clown."
• Precious Possessions Series - @exquisiteserotonin Dave York "Work conferences were supposed to be boring. A meeting with a mysterious man sets your life on a very different trajectory."
• Rumour Has It Series - @senorabond Marcus Pike & Javier Pena "You've recently transferred from a promising job in D.C. to Texas when DEA Special Agent Javier Peña approaches you with his current case. Rumor has it you have an in with the FBI art crimes unit, and the DEA could use your skills and connections on a suspected narcos money laundering case. You need to do well on this case to prove yourself, but you're not sure Marcus Pike will even help after the way you left."
Thank you so much to all the writers for writing such amazing stories this year!
⭐️And as a bonus, I've picked a fic from my own writing that I feel is my absolute favourite piece that I've written this year:
The Pit - Ezra - "Ezra and you stumble into an ominous pit on a prospecting mission for coveted azure diamonds on the Narillan moon, and find more than you bargain for."
🖤
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thefanficmonster · 1 month
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Piss off your parents pt.2
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PART 1
PART 3
Colby Brock x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Drinking, Swearing
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Fake Dating, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Turns out, LA is packing way more surprises than you were prepared for.
He's still nursing the same drink he started the night with. Not by choice - he just knows that he might make some serious mistake if he indulges in anything more or stronger. The beer is treating him well.
Then again, if he sees Nate and Y/N making out one more fucking time he might steer to the whiskey.
He feels like a terrible friend, unsure of who he's being more unfair toward of the two. He should be happy for them. Like Sam. He can't take a page from his book, though. He can't be openly supportive and encouraging of the blooming romance between his friends. The most he can do is plaster on a strained fake smile and try to enjoy his night, keeping himself away from them. If he can't be a proper friend, the least he can do is not let his displeasure - and borderline selfishness - swim up to the surface.
Although his features are definitely giving a clear glimpse into the warzone that is his mind. Hard glare, set jaw, gritted teeth, furrowed brows. If Sam wasn't already several rounds deep he'd probably pick up on it instantly.
Thing is, he already has picked up on it. The avoidance, the cold shoulder, short-spokenness. He's been picking up on the clues for months but dared not bring it up. In his head, it makes no sense. To him, it always seemed like Colby and Y/N were the rom-com waiting to happen. Stolen glances, gentle touches, subtle affection, their own love language. All trademark Colby-Y/N stuff. Where Nate came into the equation is unclear to him.
Truthfully, nothing is clear to him right now. Which is why Colby is currently helping him off the table he can't remember climbing onto.
"Come on, dude. You're gonna break something important." He says, steadying his best friend when he hops down too enthusiastically for someone in his state.
Sam slurs a response but is grinning from ear to ear so he can only assume he's enjoying himself enough to not mind Colby gentle-parenting him. But also enjoying himself too much to be trusted and left to his own devices.
Scoping out the hotel club with a quick glance, Colby's gaze thankfully finds Corey. Who it doesn't find is the main culprits responsible for his deteriorating mental state. Where's a shot of whiskey when you need it?
"Mind watching over him for a bit? Imma go get a drink." He yells over the music directly into Corey's ear, nodding to the inebriated blonde who's swaying to the beat of the music without a care in the word. Colby aspires to be him in an hour, the risks of it be damned.
Corey accepts the duty, earning himself a grateful pat on the back from Colby who disappears into the crowd the same instant. He's heading toward the bar, eyeing the bottles lining the wall behind it greedily. He's sees the amber liquids as a sea he's about to drown his worries in.
That is if he can shake them, though.
And, try as he might, he can't.
Surveying the venue a couple more times, he feels a sickening pit settle into his gut at the absence of his two best friends. He can't remember when he lost sight of them nor how, especially since his eyes were glued to her the whole night.
Others would be a lot less concerned with this predicament. I mean, when two people like each other veryyy much, have had several drinks throughout the night and have disappeared from the party, it's pretty clear where they might be and what they might be doing. But Colby doesn't even wanna let his train of thought travel that way. Neither his heart nor his liver can handle that.
But that's when he spots Nate with Sam and Corey. Yet still no Y/N in sight.
Colby decides this calls for a search party.
He checks each and every corner of the club with upmost diligence. She's wearing a little black dress that is for sure to help her blend into the blur of the party with the minimal lighting and packed crowd. It's not a problem for him though, he could spot her from a plane. Which makes his lack of findings all the more concerning.
He eventually takes his search outside the club and into the hotel lobby. Then out on the sidewalk, then in the parking lot. He has soon scoped out the entire perimeter around the hotel without finding a trace of her. He's all out of places to search and chock-full of sickening worry. It's as if she's disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Speaking of smoke...
As he's making his way back to the hotel entrance, he catches something out of the corner of his eye. A small plume of smoke emanating from the cracked open window of one of the club bathrooms. That's when the idea pops up in his head.
He never checked the ladies' room. For obvious reasons, of course.
But his rationality and reasonability were checked clear from his system ten minutes ago when his body entered full panic mode. So...
Still he tries to reason with himself: Play the drunk card. Just accidentally stumbled into the wrong bathroom, that's all. 'I'm not a creep I swear, I just mixed up the doors'. That could work, yeah....
And so, with a quicker pace to his step, he steps out of the humid LA air and into the chillier and more pleasant hotel lobby. He stops for a second under the cold AC breeze to take a breath. Collect himself.
What if it's not her? What then?
That depressing train of thought is interrupted by a slight ping coming from his back pocket. He nearly drops his phone he takes it out so damn fast. He'd sent Y/N a string of messages and even tried calling her a few times, all attempts with no success. Therefore, for a split second, he's hopeful that maybe she's finally replied.
Much to his dismay, it ends up being wishful thinking.
Much more to his dismay....
"Hello Cole. How is Y/N?"
...it's her mom.
It's been eight months since the incident, six since they moved to LA. In that time, Y/N's mom has come around approximately half an inch closer to tolerating him. Mostly because he's her only intel on her daughter since she's so adamant on being stubborn and not talking to her. And Colby is more than happy to be of service, he just wishes....
What exactly?
Wishes they could mend their bridges? Wishes he didn't have to lie on both his and Y/N's behalf? Wishes he didn't feel s fucking guilty?
Wishes it wasn't all a ruse?
Mrs. Y/L/N checks in once every couple of days, often with texts at odd hours like this. She has a lot of night shifts to handle at the hospital so, when she gets downtime is when she stops to reach out with a message to Colby - who she believes is her daughter's boyfriend, mind you - to ask about Y/N.
And he's always been instant with the replies. 2AM, 4AM, 7AM, you name it. Never once has he taken more than a couple minutes to reply. He can't remember sleeping more than two to three hours a night if any since they moved here. He'd blame it on the weather change. Then again, he knows better.
His correspondent noticed this too...
"Why are you never asleep? Is something wrong?" She'd asked him at one point, showing genuine concern which truly warmed his heart. And then broke it right afterwards when he remembered he can't tell her what's wrong. He wishes he could tell her for whatever reason. He has a feeling she'd understand, maybe even like him better because of it. But how could he tell her? The charade needs to be upkept, the show must go on, and he'll just...well, suffer, really.
With a quick confirmation of Y/N's well-being, he continues his venture back into the club, making a quick beeline for the dark hall leading to the bathrooms. And yes, he feels like a creep but no, he can't turn back now.
So, he pushes the door to the women's restroom open.
Thank the heavens, he thinks to himself. For two reasons.
Firstly, because it's a single stall bathroom.
Secondly, because on the sink counter outside the stall sits Y/N and suddenly he's getting deja vu.
Mascara is staining her cheeks, a cigarette is hanging between her lips, her hair is a mess. But she still gives him a smile when she sees him come in. "Hey." She greets him, voice barely above a whisper, "You're not supposed to be here."
Colby quickly locks the door behind him, approaching her with a newfound shake in his knees. Given her state, he's quick to assume the worst. "Jesus Y/N, what's wrong? Did something happen? Talk to me."
She shakes her head, a few more strands of her disheveled hair going awry, "Nothing happened, nothing's wrong. I'm just...having fun." She sounds bitter. Not sad, not angry. Just bitter, regretful almost.
For some reason he chucks up to human nature, he feels anger start boiling in that lingering pit in his gut, "Where have you been?"
She motions to the counter below her nonchalantly, slurring a little "Here" in response.
"Where'd you get that?" He asks, nodding at the cigarette between her fingers.
She laughs, whether drunkenly or genuinely he's unsure. "Some girl gave it to me when she heard me crying in the bathroom."
Alarms start goin off once again. She's unaware she's playing him and his sanity like a yo-yo with each spoken word, "Why the fuck were you crying? What happened?!"
Y/N finds the audacity to roll her eyes at him, "Nothing! For fuck's sake, Colby, nothing happened!"
"How can you say that and expect me to believe it? Look at yourself! You're a mess!" He tries subduing his anger but it's impossible. He doesn't know where it's stemming from. Maybe it's all that pent up adrenaline from twenty minutes ago coming loose. Maybe his worry is mixing with the relief and melting into frustration. Maybe he's taking out his bitterness - piled on for months, mind you - on her. Even though she doesn't deserve it. And he knows that.
She deserves the world.
He just doesn't deserve her. And he's yet to come to terms with that.
"I'm perfectly fine, thank you." She sasses him, taking the last puff of her cigarette before tossing it out the window.
"You're mascara is running down your face, your hair is all over the place, your lipstick is smeared as fuck. There's a party going on out there but you prefer sitting on cold marble and smoking in a bathroom. You can't tell me there's nothing odd about that." He's losing it, he can feel his sanity slipping from his grip and he can't get a better grasp on it. All he can do is watch as it leaves him.
Y/N, in her usual fashion, is quick to clap back, "You're the odd one! You're fully sober at your own party, angry for whatever reason. You're standing here lecturing me instead of being out there having fun. Oh, and need I remind you, you're in the ladies' room."
He laughs humorlessly. Exhaustedly. "I haven't been on a wild goose chase the whole night for you to...."
"He doesn't want me."
Her words cut him off and cut him deep. The confusion is brief but the pieces fall into place almost immediately.
Nate
"There's no fucking way. You've been all over each other..." He stops himself when he realizes how upset he sounds recollecting all the instances he caught the two in their own world. The pit rattles, a sickening feeling climbing up his throat.
She scoffs, "Yeah, well that's all there is to it. It's all physical. And always prompted by alcohol." A long sigh escapes her lips, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I'm just disappointed I didn't notice it sooner."
Colby Brock, for once in his life, has been rendered speechless. But he's aware staying quiet isn't an option. So he makes a weak attempt at a consolation, "Y/N, I-"
"Did you know?" She thankfully cuts him off before he can continue word vomiting.
He quickly shakes his head, "No. I swear I didn't. I would've told you."
"Yeah, I know. I know you would've. I just don't know why he told you he liked me when you asked him..." She sighs, picking at the hem of her dress, thankfully oblivious to the sudden paleness of Colby's face.
The sickness gets worse as he remembers his huge mistake. A lie he told months ago.
Y/N had asked him to fight this one battle for her and he still didn't do it, for utterly selfish reasons. She'd asked him for something so simple - ask Nate about his feelings for her, if there were any. And what did he do? He kept his tongue behind his teeth and quietly hoped she'd forget about it. Such a foolish thing to expect from someone completely head over heels in love.
So, when she inevitably checked in to find out the response, he had to lie. Lie and give her false hope he didn't even know was false at the time. There was a devil on his shoulder telling him to tell her the complete opposite but he could never be that evil.
He'd rather drink and sleep his way into coping through it all than watch his best friend be brokenhearted.
In the end it seems he somehow swerved the situation into hitting both those nails on the head. And he completely and utterly hates himself for having done that to Y/N.
The least he can do is come clean.
"I never asked him."
Silence. Fucking crickets. They can hear each other's heartbeats. And he can't bring himself to look up at her, let alone meet her eyes.
It feels like forever before words are spoken between them. She's the one to break the silence with one simple word: "Why?"
He can't tell her why. He doesn't know why.
Actually, you know what, fuck that. He knows exactly why and that's the reason he can't tell her.
"I don't know." He feels like such a coward. But the consequences of the truth terrify him.
"Why did you lie to me?" She doesn't sound angry. He wishes she did. Because the hurt he can hear in her voice is far worse than any furious wrath she could unleash upon him.
"I don't know."
"Fuck that, Colby. You're my best friend, for fuck's sake. You're the last person I'd expect to lie to me and you-"
"You don't wanna know why, Y/N." His restraint is growing weaker. He regrets the words as soon as he says them. He's aware she most definitely not leave it alone now. They're both stubborn, so fucking stubborn. Mules, if you will. Legends say they still reference something they bickered about a decade ago today.
"Yes I fucking do, Colby."
"It could ruin a lot of things."
"It won't."
"I don't wanna lose you."
"You won't."
"You promise?" He feels horrible asking for a promise from her after having revealed the biggest lie he's ever told her.
Well, second biggest anyway.
But she doesn't second his opinion because her response comes out faster than a bullet, "I promise."
In this moment of honesty, raw and bare honesty, how could he lie? How can he look her in the eyes and not tell her the truth? How can he even look at her? He owes her that much but doesn't know if he has it in himself to do it.
Forcing himself to look up, Colby swears he can feel a sharp pain in his chest. Her eyes are dry of tears by now but the shine remains, accentuated further by the fluorescent lighting. He swears he can feel himself fall for her all over again, even deeper.
"Because I'm in love with you, Y/N."
The crickets are back. The silence is eating away at him. He can feel her slipping through his fingers. Their decade long friendship flashes before his eyes. It feels like he's saying goodbye. To the memories, to the friendship. To the love of his life that never was.
The weight of the realness knocks his head back down, his gaze fixated on the black tiles beneath his feet. Shame, pain, dread and fear are all battling for first place, causing a whirlwind in his brain that nearly knocks him off his balance.
It's astonishing how much it hurts losing something you new you didn't deserve all along.
Tagging: @benbarnesprettygurl @beanredacted
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imaginesheaven · 7 months
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National Anthem – F!Reader x Price (x little bit Valeria)
Summary: After Graves’ betrayal another villain appears on the screen for the Task Force. They are nothing like all the others before.
This is kind of inspired by the song National Anthem by Lana Del Rey. I wrote all of this down, but I’m actually not sure what to do with it, so enjoy this little piece of pure braindump. I’m also not sure if I like this at all, so I would really appreciate to know what you think about it :)
Warnings: MDNI – sexual talk; swearing; angst; mentions of death
Length: 2.7 k
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“Laswell, you look like you could use a drink”, Price sits down at the bar handing her a glass full of the best whiskey. “Thank you, John, but alcohol isn’t going to get rid our problems this time”, Kate takes a sip of her drink.
Her words make the whole Task Force kind of uncomfortable. Laswell is usually convinced that they can manage everything that the world throws at them, but this time she does have her doubts.
“At first, I thought we only have a usual Russian problem, but it turns out to be way bigger and more than just that”, she gets out two pictures from her jacket pocket to put them upside down onto the table, “There is no room to fail this time.” John exchanges a brief glance with his team, “Hit us, Kate.” As if there would be ever room to fail in their field of work.
“Alejandro contacted me a few hours ago fuming. Valeria got bailed out of jail with an amount of money we all only can dream about. I did a lot of digging to find out what the hell is going on. A woman paid the money to get Valeria back to her El Sin Nombre cartel. It was the same person, who overtook the Shadow Company after Graves’ got killed. This woman is going to be a big problem gathering herself the best army”, Laswell pushes one of the pictures towards John.
The Captain can feel his heart stop for a second as he turns the picture around just to find a very familiar face looking back at him. A thick coldness starts to spread in his chest; doom setting slowly in.
“Price?”, Gaz asks quite concerned about John’s silence. The Captain keeps staring as the seconds tick by. “Fuck”, it’s the only thing he says and hands the picture to Gaz. John literally prayed years ago to never see your oh so beautiful face ever again. His heart can’t get over the fact that you are still looking the same. The way you glance at the camera with a winning smirk makes his knees weak. You know that you were observed from afar and you did not give a single fuck about it.
“You know her?”, Kate can’t explain otherwise his reaction. Price nods his head in agreement, “(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N). Met her once years ago. We had a mission together, but never saw her again after that.” He really hopes none of them can see through his lie. It was way more than just a mission. It was way more complicated than that.
Even after all this time John feels everything like it has been just yesterday. The way your hands have been roaming over his chest. So fucking close to him. Skin on skin. The way you felt amazing underneath him. As well as the way you broke his heart into thousand pieces. If there would be ever a regret he has to live through, it would be you.
Price doesn’t tell them a single thing about it. He will not go through every detail of his biggest mistake with his entire team. That’s something only between you and him for the rest of his life.
“So, she is military?”, Gaz asks as Soap hands the picture to Ghost. Neither of them can’t deny that you are absolutely breathtaking as much as you are deadly probably.
“Yes, (Y/N) worked for a special forces team in the American military. There is nothing much to know since almost everything is classified. Only a handful or so have the security rank to gather that information. The team included five members with the call signs X-1 to X-5, which sounds very nice, right? X-1 means Executer-1, so they called them actually Killer-1 to Killer-5. She is one of the best”, Laswell answers and pulls another picture out of her jacket.
John already knows that the picture will be you in your impressive completely black Executer-gear. He hates and loves this one so much. “No, Kate. (Y/N) is the best”, Price doesn’t say those words very lightly, but they are the truth. If you are going to be their enemy, it will be a fucking war.
“She took over the Shadow Company and the El Sin Nombre cartel? For what? What is her goal?”, Gaz can’t make the connections yet. Kate let’s out a deep sigh and turns around the last picture, “I think she is going for this man.”
The Captain shakes his head, “Makarov? (Y/N) is going for the big kill. If she can gather Russians, the Shadow Company and the El Sin Nombre cartel around her, we are all doomed. With that (Y/N) can take over every army and if that happens, she will go back to America getting her final revenge.”
“What do you know, John?”, Kate is almost kind of mad that she isn’t fully in the picture apparently like Price himself. “(Y/N) made a decision the military didn’t want to see. X-2 to X-5 were supposed to execute her. The members were named after their ranks, so (Y/N) was Executer 1 – the best of them. She killed every single one of her former teammates. The American Government classified everything to keep people from talking. (Y/N) escaped in the end, but all of that were rumors years ago. Everyone who told them got silenced. The military didn’t want to acknowledge her existence anymore. So, who really knows if that’s real or not”, Price knows exactly that everything he just told was real.
Neither of them dares to interrupt the silence thinking about the worst that could happen. Someone as power-driven and skilled as you will bring hell over those who did you wrong. What they don’t know is that you are halfway through your plan to conquer the world like you want it to.
A few hours earlier…
“Ah, Valeria. Nice to meet you in person finally. (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N). At your service”, you give the soldier your best smile to greet her properly. She raises one of her eyebrows still unsure about your intentions, “Why did you pay for my freedom?”
You mention towards the waiting car, “Let’s talk in the car. It’s way cooler in their and it would be only fair to bring you back to your cartel.” Valeria follows your invitation, “If you try to do something stupid I will kill you.” You can’t help yourself but laugh as you get in the car after her, “I really don’t doubt that for a second.”
“So, what’s the deal, hermosa?”, Valeria asks after taking a sip of the cool drink you gave her. You lean forward smiling knowing exactly how to expose your cleavage and use your body to get what you want. Valeria’s eyes follow just like you planned.
“Mi vida, I want your El Sin Nombre cartel to work with my Shadow Company. I am working towards a goal that is very important to me”, you explain to her leaving out a few important details. Valeria doesn’t ask but you could see the question in her eyes.
“Graves got … detained by me. His former soldiers are under my wings now. And well, there is no nice way to tell you this, but your people are also mine”, you keep on smiling knowing exactly she will understand the hidden threat.
“So, the rumors are true that you are gathering an army. They warned me about you, hermosa. Take my men if you need to. You paid for my freedom”, Valeria knows when she is in a situation without options. She is in your hands without any chance of an escape, better playing along for now.
“I’m really glad you took that so well. Graves wasn’t really cooperating”, you lean back taking a sip of your own drink. Valeria knows how to pick her fights and you are much more powerful than she thought.
“Well, the Gringo didn’t know how to handle dangerous women. Especially when they are as breathtaking as you are, mi vida”, Valeria holds up her glass to clink hers with yours. She can’t help herself but be enchanted by you.
You have already wrapped Graves around your little finger with your sex appeal until you took what was his. Now Valeria, next one will be Makarov. And you are pretty sure he will not resist you just like the others. Your plan is going wonderful. Now comes the fun part…
The ringing of his phone snaps Price out of his deep focus on working out a plan to bring you down before you can raise hell. No matter how many options his brain goes through it will never be good enough to keep up with your next steps.
“Captain Price”, he is only paying half attention to the caller on the other side of the line. “Hi, John”, your sweet voice rings in his ears over and over again. Price is not a man to get shocked easily, but right now his mind is absolutely blank. There are literally not words to form a proper sentence.
“Oh, I wish I could see your face right now. Happy to hear that I’m still alive?”, you can’t help yourself to let a heartfelt laugh, which brings John’s heartrate into a very dangerous zone. “Why are you calling?”, he tries to keep calm, but everything in him turns slowly into panic mode. It’s unusual for him. Only you can make him feel this way.
“Oi, don’t you know anymore how small talk works, muppet? How are you doing? What have you been up to the last decade? We really need to work on your manners, handsome”, you didn’t mean to sound it seductively, still you are not mad about it. You don’t have to be in the same room with John to know that you are still going under his skin with so much ease.
“John, humor me for a second. How have you been? Tell me a bit about your little Task Force”, your voice could play on repeat for eternity and John would still not get enough of it. In this moment he hated you so much for all the love he still has for you in his heart. But the two of you are a shadow of the past.
“You haven’t changed, so I’m pretty sure you know already everything about my team”, John will not give in. Not this time. “Yeah, but it would have been nice to hear it from you. Do you really think your Task Force is good enough to keep up with me? Are they ready to do whatever it needs to take down the devil herself?”, you have been watching him and his team for a while now; tracking their success as a team and still they will never be as good as you are.
“What happened to you? This isn’t you, (Y/N)”, John’s voice is only a whisper over the line. You don’t want to admit it, but you actually missed how sweet your name sounds when it comes over his lips. “Betrayal. So much betrayal that I finally found solace in power and revenge”, you reply replaying in your head what happened long ago.
“You killed innocent people… Children…”, John remembers how you stood right in front of him; trying to explain everything, but he wouldn’t hear a word about it. He knows now that you made the right decision back then. His younger self didn’t know it.
“You draw the line wherever you need it, Captain! Isn’t that something you like to tell your team? I did that, but what did I get for sacrificing so much? Nothing. The military sent my own team after me. You left me. I lost everything to save thousands of lives. But you know what? I will gain so much more for sacrificing those lives now. Revenge is best served cold”, once you get what you want, you will never have to defend yourself ever again, “John, we both know that villains are also human beings with a dramatic backstory. Just like the heroes.”
“You called just to tell me all of that?”, John can almost feel his heart bleeding; knowing he is part of the problem. He is one of the reasons you turned your back against humanity. “No, since we have quite the past together, I wanted to give you a change. I can be merciful, if I want to. You have 24 hours to find Makarov to stop me”, your voice transforms from being bitter to cheerful in a second.
“You already know where he is, eh?”, Price realizes that you are playing with him. You know exactly there would be no chance for him to win this battle. “Oh, of course. I would never go into a conversation like this without having plan beforehand, handsome. 24 hours, big boy. Time is ticking”, without a further word you end the call leaving John alone in a deafening silence. This is a fucking war neither John nor the Task Force can win.
Bonus:
“It’s over, (Y/N). Lay down your gun”, Price points his weapon at you as he makes his way towards you. A slight smile appears on your lips before you do what he says. Your little handgun compared to his gets put on the table right in front of you.
You can’t help yourself but admire how handsome he looks after all this time you have seen him. He is aging like a fine wine. For a moment you remember how young he had looked back when he still was a Lieutenant.
“Don’t worry, I’m not a sore loser”, you raise your hands so he can see them clearly. For once you are not a threat to him. Slowly you make your way around the table. He keeps his gun pointed at you, but still lets you come as close as possible. His eyes never leaving yours for a second.
“We all know it was your decision to lose. You had everything to bring hell upon us. So, why do you give up now?”, John’s finger ache to stroke your cheek softly; to feel your warmth against his skin once again. Your eyes bore into his; looking straight into his soul. “And we both know I can’t do anything against my weakness, John. You are still the only one I don’t want to hurt.”
Your words touch his soul; breathing back live into him. For a moment neither of you know what to say. Softly you push away his gun and he let it happen. The two of you are so damn close now almost breathing the same air.
“Do you still love me?”, John can hear the pain but also the hope in your voice. There is no need to deny the truth any longer. He can’t ignore anymore how his heart calls your name over and over again. How it has been doing that for the last few years.
“Yes, I always have and I always will…. I’m so sorry for everything”, he caresses your cheek with his hand and you lean into the touch; yearning for his attention for such a long time already. “It’s okay. I love you too, John…”, you reply letting your tears fall freely now.
“… But neither heroes nor villains get happy endings, handsome. Right person, wrong time. Maybe we will find each other in the next life again. Good bye, John”, you place a soft kiss on his lips. Both of you savoring this moment as long as possible.
A single shot rings through the silence, then a body hitting the ground. And that’s how this story ends.
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gingiesworld · 9 months
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Drunken Confessions
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Requested : I was thinking about yn, they are bucky's sibling, they are a super soldier too, and they were very serious, doesn't smile and that thing, so when there was a party, Thor decided to give them some of his famous licour wanting to have some emotions from them. When they drink some, they noticed they were feeling different, without problems and everything, so the avengers decided to watch them to see what will happen. Yn wanted to dance with (Nat or Wanda, don't care, you can choose) but they were dancing, yn didn't know they were dancing with their crush. And they told her about it. When they finished, they decided to sleep and when they woke up next morning, they didn't remember anything about last night so they were confused when their friends were laughing when they asked yn about what happened at night.
Wanda Maximoff x GN! Barnes Reader
Warnings : Alcohol use. Thor's famous spirit ;) Fluff
18+ MINORS DNI
Y/N Barnes, James Buchanan Barnes twin was also taken by Hydra on a mission during WW2. Of course Bucky only found out during his own battle alongside Steve. Neither of them were able to find them, not until years later. The sixth cryo chamber in Siberia, hidden beneath the death squad that Hydra had created and Zemo had killed.
"Come on Y/N, this will be fun." Bucky patted their back as they walked through the halls of the compound.
"I miss being a ruthless killer sometimes." They mumbled as Bucky laughed. "I hate these kinds of things. I always have. You know this." They pointed their finger at him as he just smirked.
"Besides, Wanda will be there." He teased them as they mumbled a quick shut up before they disappeared to the bar. Getting a glass on old Glennfiddich, their fathers favourite whiskey, one they used to steal on multiple occasions.
"Why are they over there?" Thor questioned as everyone gathered around to watch as Y/N ordered shot after shot.
"They have never been a party person, even before the war." Bucky admitted.
"I have an idea." Thor beamed as he waved his flask.
"This could be fun." Tony smirked as the others nodded as Thor headed over to Y/N, taking a seat beside them.
"How are you settling in Y/N?" He questioned as Y/N nodded.
"Good I guess, although it has been a few months since I have been here." They replied as Thor nodded
"Well I have been off world quite a lot." He told them. "I did bring back some 1000 year old ale with me. Much stronger than that of your mortals."
"Well, give me some." They held their empty glass out to him, watching him as he poured a small amount. "Come on now, more." Thor nodded as he almost filled the glass, smirking as Y/N downed it in one.
"How was it?" He asked them as they hissed.
"Good. Definitely has a bite to it." They told him as their eyes landed on Wanda talking with the girls.
"You like her." Thor stated as Y/N looked at him confused. "You look at her the way I look at Jane."
"Yeah, but she wouldn't ever go for me." Y/N shrugged, turning back and asking the bartender for a refill.
"You won't know unless you try." He nudged them as they finished their drink. Starting to feel the affects of the Asgardian Ale. "Ask her to dance."
"I don't know how to dance to this music." Y/N told him. "I am from the 40's after all."
"Just ask her." With that, Thor left to whisper something in Bucky's ear. As soon as The Mills Brothers came through the speakers, Y/N stood up smiling as they decided to approach Wanda. Dragging her away as the girls laughed.
"What are we doing?" Wanda laughed as Y/N started to dance with her.
"Dancing. I wanted to dance and you seem like a good dance partner." They told her as they moved to the beat.
"I can't dance Y/N." Wanda laughed as they dipped her.
"I just need to make her jealous." They whispered in her ear as Wanda smirked, smelling the ale on their breath.
"Who?" She questioned as Y/N looked at her.
"Wanda." They told her, Wanda held back a blush as they danced. "I think she got the message."
"What?" Wanda questioned as Y/N looked around.
"She's gone." They slurred as they turned to face her. Their eyes widening as they realised in their drunken stupor. "Did I tell you?" They questioned as Wanda nodded with a smirk.
"You wanted to make me jealous by dancing with me." She summed up as they stumbled back.
"I uh. I need to." They ran out of the room as everyone laughed. Bucky recording the whole thing.
The next morning rolled around with Y/N groaning as they entered the kitchen to a bunch of smirking Avengers.
"I am going to kill Thor." They mumbled when they approached the coffee. "There's no coffee. Why is the coffee always the first to go." They murmured as everyone watched them with amusing smirks. "What happened last night?" Y/N asked as they had finally made a fresh pot.
"You do realise that is a bowl?" Nat teased them.
"Yes Natasha. I do." They told her. "A single cup just isn't big enough for me right now. Be thankful it isn't the pan that Wanda cooks her favourite Paprikash in."
"You wanted to make me jealous by dancing with me." They heard Wanda's voice through a speaker.
"Please tell me that was a dream." They placed their head down on the cool surface of the counter. "I thought it was a dream."
"Nope. It was very entertaining." Bucky teased them as Wanda approached them, lifting their head up.
"It could have worked if their was another me." She kissed their cheek before she walked away. Leaving Y/N a blushing mess.
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michelle-is-writing · 2 years
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Long Time Coming, Jax Teller
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Word Count: 2k~
When you see the man you’ve been with for the past year out with another woman, you get angry. You get upset; that’s normal. However, as of right now, I don’t feel any of that. When I first caught the familiar hair and equally familiar body outside a bar, I didn’t think much of it. I had gone out to dinner with my friends after work, so he was free to do whatever he wanted. However, I wasn’t expecting to see him when I got in my car after dinner; the bar he stood outside being right next to the restaurant I just left. Like I said, he was free to do whatever he wanted, but that didn’t mean he could make out with another woman when he thought I wouldn’t find out.
I felt anger rush through me the instant I saw it, red taking over my vision, but as the seconds passed, I started planning in my head. We didn’t live together, but in the year we were together, some of his stuff ended up at my place - including his laptop and other valuable things. That didn’t matter though; it was all going by the curb as soon as I got back to my apartment.
Once I walk into my house, I change out of my work clothes and into shorts and a tank top before heading to the kitchen and pouring myself a shot of whiskey from a bottle I was saving to enjoy with him. With my speakers turned on, I begin ridding my home of any trace of him. As sad as it sounds, I knew the romance had been dead for a while - we never even had sex as he “didn’t feel quite up to it.” My friends always told me I deserved someone better as it seemed like we were only tolerating the relationship, neither of us wanting to actually end it. However, my closest friend, Jax, was probably the biggest advocate for me to leave him. It didn’t help that his family would also tell me I deserved better as I always had a close relationship with Jax’s mom and the club. Jax always told me he never liked the man, but I blamed that on me and Jax always being stuck at the hip since we were kids; now I see Jax was right, and he was a dirtbag.
After packing the third box full of my now-ex’s shit, I pour myself my fifth or sixth shot and focus on emptying my fridge and pantry of anything that only he eats. I don’t even put it in a bag for him to get later; it’s all going directly in the trash can. Just like the rest of his stuff that’s waiting by the front door for me to take out to the curb.
I’m not sure if it’s the liquor I’ve been drinking or the growing irritation from finding little things of his around my place, but I feel like I might be going a little overboard. I just can’t get the image of him kissing that other woman out of my head. I was supposed to be the only woman he kissed, but in all actuality, we didn’t have a real kiss in what felt like months. Like I said, I knew the relationship was going downhill, but now that I feel so much resentment and barely any heartbreak for him, I have no idea how we were still together until now.
A slight rumbling sound disrupts me from my thoughts, causing my head to poke up from the fridge. A few seconds pass before I end up brushing it off and focusing on my music as I throw the last frozen dinner of his in the trash. Despite this, a loud knock sounding against my front door makes me poke my head out of my fridge once more and over to my entryway. It feels as if my heart and stomach drop as my head begins racing with thoughts of my ex being at my door. I’m calling him my ex even though he doesn’t know he’s now my ex, but if it is him at my door, then he’ll know when he sees his belongings ready for him. Although, that’s not what I’m worried about. I still have no idea how I’m even going to confront him over me catching him making out with another person.
Pausing my music, I head over to my front door before looking out the peephole, only to see my favorite person. Immediately unlatching the lock, I open my door to greet Jax with a grin. “Hi!” I say to him, my previous shots influencing my sudden excitement over my best friend coming over.
Jax only gives me a confused smirk before nodding at me. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” He asks, receiving a nod back from me. “But you’re here by yourself?” His question unintentionally stings, instantly reminding me of why I decided to open up that bottle anyways.
Seeing me shrink into myself a little, Jax seemingly picks up on my sullen mood as barely another second passes before he’s stepping into my apartment with a worried look on his face. “Baby? What’s wrong?” He asks, making my stomach churn at him calling me the nickname he’s called me since we were little. I knew as a teenager that I was in love with my childhood best friend, but now that I’m an adult, I’ve had to push those feelings away. He hasn’t given me any hint of him reciprocating my feelings as things between us have always remained the same. Jax and I are still best friends all these years later, and only best friends.
I can feel my face begin to drop at the heartbreak, but not from my recent breakup. “I broke up with Josh,” I decide to tell Jax, looking away from Jax’s blue eyes and over to the boxes by the front door. Most of them are just random things he left over here with the rest being a few pieces of his clothes. After all, he only stayed the night a few times, which was odd now that I think about it. Most people stay over at their significant other’s place, right?
Before I can think anymore about my stupid ex, I watch Jax turn his head to look over at them with me, the gears slowly turning in his head as he looks back at me shortly afterward. “Darlin’,” he murmurs, taking another step forward to cup my face in one hand while the other rests against my waist. Once again, the line between us as friends and lovers is questioned, but I can almost guarantee nothing has been changed. “Don’t tell me you’ve been upset over that asshole.”
Jax’s words make me smile before I ultimately end up laughing, leaving Jax to slide his hand on my face down to match his other hand on my waist. He simply holds me as I get lost in my giggles with him eventually joining in out of slight confusion.
“You know, I was a little hurt at first,” I admit to Jax, looking down at the floor as my arms hang around his neck. “But after a few seconds, I just snapped out of it and came home to get rid of his shit… I caught him cheating, Jax,” I reveal to him, his grip on me going stiff as he listens to every word that leaves my mouth. “I went to dinner with the girls at work and saw him kissing another girl when I went outside to leave,” leaning my head against his chest, I let out a sigh as Jax continues holding me, his grip never ceasing. “I just want everything of his out.”
A few seconds of calm silence pass between us before Jax does something that surprises me. He kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry, baby. You don’t deserve that,” He tells me, his words settling deep within my chest. I really wish I wouldn’t have opened that bottle now because sober me would’ve already been freaking out over my current predicament, but then again, maybe that’s a good thing.
“Then what do I deserve, Jax?” I question him, leaning my head up to look at him. From this angle, my eyes trail up his blonde chin to his ocean-like eyes as they stare back at me, a bit darker than before. I go to question this until I see his vision fall to my lips, and as if a switch were flipped, I take the hint.
Just as I begin to lean up, Jax meets me in the middle and places his soft lips against mine in one of the best kisses I’ve ever had. All of the made up scenarios I had in my head as a teenager are nothing compared to what’s happening right now. The way his hands grab at me, effortlessly pulling me closer to him makes me hold onto him for dear life as his lips continue their assault on mine.
Chests heaving, we reluctantly pull away as panted breaths fall from out from our parted lips. “Is that what I deserve?” I can’t help but ask Jax, my eyes watching as his face shifts from bliss to that of utter happiness.
“And so much more,” Jax utters, still breathless as he presses another kiss to my lips. “More than that guy could ever give you, baby girl,” at the same time Jax says this, one of Jax’s hands slides away from my waist and up to my face where he brushes my hair away from my face. “Why don’t you just go get ready for bed, hm? I’ll take all his shit out.”
A grin breaks out across my face at his words. “Thank you, baby.”
“Of course,” Jax murmurs back, biting his smirking lip as his eyes stay trained on my form disappearing into the hallway. However, just as I turn the corner, I hide behind the wall and wait a second before turning to watch Jax. Just as I do this, I see him walk out my front door with one of the boxes before kicking it across the street, its contents flying out as he does so. I hold back my laughter at this, and instead, I choose to wander into my room and wait for Jax to join me once he’s done taking care of my ex’s stuff.
It doesn’t take him long to come into my room before stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed with me. As soon as he does so, his arms find their way around me and pull me close, keeping me warm against his chest. For a few moments, the silence around us is very calming and relaxing, like everything is where it belongs - including us.
“I always hated that jerkoff,” Jax murmurs, causing me to let out a small laugh. Of course he’d be the one to break the silence.
“I could tell,” I murmur back, looking up from his bare chest. His beautiful eyes greet mine instantly, and I can’t help but feel lost in them. “You made it pretty obvious.”
Jax stares back at me, almost gawking. “Then why didn’t you break up with him?” He asks, earning a knowing look back from me. “Okay, I know I should’ve made a move sooner, but baby, I hated seeing him anywhere near you.”
Seeing him nervously explain himself to me, I teasingly smile as my eyes squint. “Jackson Teller,” I say his name, slowly, “was that jealousy I just heard leave your lips?”
At my question, Jax simply smirks before leaning down and pressing our lips together once more like earlier. “What can I say?” He simply whispers, his face mere centimeters from mine. “You’ve always been my girl… I’ve just been too much of a pussy to do anything about it,” this time, I’m the one that connects our lips, Jax pulling away with a soft sigh as soon as the kiss is over, his eyes wandering down my form. “I’m lucky. So damn lucky.”
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thehighpriestess1 · 2 years
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August : 2
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Summary : August was here and unlike two years ago, this August brought anything but love in the life of Gojo and Y/n.
Pairing : Gojo x y/n. Gojo x Utahime.
Genre : Angst
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Previous : Masterlist
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Utahime paced around nervously in front of the redwood door fiddling with her ring. Was this the right thing to do? Will he get angry at her? Was she starting something she might not finish? “Ma’am, he is waiting for you”. Mr.Gojo’s secretary said, making Utahime jump a little. She had no reason to be nervous, she was doing the right thing, but her gut feeling was telling her otherwise. 
She took a deep breath and decided it was now or never. “Hello Dad”. She said as she stepped inside Mr.Gojo’s office. “Iori, come in. I was surprised that you scheduled a meeting with me. You know you can call me anytime you want”. Utahime smiled politely. Of Course she knew that. “I know. But this is official work and I wanted to do it the right way”. 
“official Work?”. Mr.Gojo took a sip of whiskey from the crystal glass as he frowned at her. 
“Yes. I was just thinking..Maybe I should join the group and work alongside Satoru..I mean we do spend time at home but I just want to work with him as well. I think it would help me get accustomed to the working of the family and ..”. Utahime looked down at her lap and bit her bottom lip.
“And?”. Mr.Gojo  said, rubbing his chin with his thumb and index finger. 
“I think it would help me get closer to Satoru”. Utahime said the last part bleakly, the blood rushed to her cheeks as soon as she thought about the real intention behind the request. The silence in the room only amplified her nerves but it was soon washed away when Mr.Gojo gave a hearty laugh. “All you have to do is ask. I will make all the necessary arrangements and you let me know if there is anything you want, Okay?”. Utahime smiled, her shoulders dropping in relief. “Thank You”. 
Mr.Gojo was a man of experience and understood the real intentions behind the request but he agreed with her. He too had heard rumours about Gojo’s affair and it was only natural for his to-be-wife to feel anxious. In his eyes Utahime was the perfect match for Satoru and he would do everything in his power to see the marriage through. 
“I was also wondering if..I  could get an assistant?”. 
“Of course you would. Miwa would be perfect for you! She has helped-”.
“I was wondering if I could get Y/n L/n as my personal assistant? She has been a part of the group long enough and we are closer in age too. Only if it’s okay with you”. Utahime knew, it was just a formality. He didn’t care whom she had as a secretary. Mr.Gojo pondered over the request. He had heard about you but only in passing. He wondered what could be the real reason behind her request, but then decided to let the story unfold. “Okay then. Y/n L/n it is”.  
-Y/n-
You looked in the mirror and the women staring back at you looked nothing like you. Sunken eyes, frail skin, posture of defeated soldier, it looked like you nearing your end. The digital clock on the dressing table read, 01 August : 6:00 AM. August was here, more than half of the year was over and yet nothing had changed. While the wheels of time turned forwards, your life went backwards. 
The room went dark as the clouds roared outside, indicating a storm coming your way. You got up, wrapping the long shrug around your frame as you made your way towards the kitchen. As the aroma of coffee filled the room, you were taken back to August when you fell in love with Gojo Satoru. The rendezvous love story was destined to fail.
As you stepped out of the bus and made your way towards the office building, you couldn’t help but think about the love you shared. It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t meant to be beautiful. Beautiful love was for beautiful people and neither of you were beautiful. Your love was dark like the clouds covering Tokyo city, it was cold like the raindrops hitting your arm, it was strong like the wind that threatened to blow your umbrella away. As you made your way towards the building, surrounded by all the reminders of the love you once had, you could only sigh, for these unfortunate events were nothing compared to the one that was about to befall you. This day seemed like a bad deja vu.
You were busy preparing the documents with Miwa for the upcoming merger when you first heard the news. “Did you hear? Utahime might join the group!”. Miwa spoke in a hushed tone. Your hands froze on the keyboard keys as your vision blurred. You looked at Miwa and she nodded confirming the news. “It seems that she wants to be closer to Mr.Gojo and understand the working of the group but we all know it’s because she is suspicious”.
“Whatever her reasons might be, she is going to be his wife and has every right over the group”. You spoke monotonously with your eyes focused on the screen. You picked up your pen and started writing in your notepad. To Miwa and others it looked like you were focussed on your work as they couldn’t see the scribbles in your notepad or the random words you typed in the document nor did they hear the screams in your head. “I’ll be back”. You said, picking up your bag and walking out before the screams get too loud.
A cloud of smoke formed in front of your face as your other hand held the umbrella over your head. The voice inside your head muffled the voice of rain on your umbrella. This was your escape, the parking lot of the building was thankfully empty and no one could see you smoking in the corner with tears rolling down your eyes. It was official now, he was going to end up with her,you knew this a year ago, he was going to marry her, you had accepted this months ago. Then why? Why were you crying in the empty parking lot? Why were you crying yourself to sleep every night? Why were you bothered? You ran out of cigarettes before you could find your answer. 
You picked up your phone and saw the countless reminders of loan payment. You chuckled as you wiped your face with the back of your hand.
“Smoking is Injurious to health”. You heard a familiar voice call out from behind the wall. “Who wants to be healthy anyway?”. You plastered a fake smile on your face before turning around to see Hiro leaning against the wall. Hiro was more like a friend than a colleague to you. You had joined the company together and he was the only one who knew about you and Gojo. Needless to say, he knew you’d be here once he heard the news. 
“Come on y/n, it’s going to be fine”. 
“Is it? You think so? Are you that naive? You and I know how this is going to go”.
“You might not have to see her as much as you think you would. Think about it, if she is doing all this to get closer to Gojo then why would she keep you around?”. You scoffed and looked to your side. Hiro’s logic made sense, but you knew your luck. You let out a defeated sigh as you rubbed your arms. Hiro gave you a smile and pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you. “It’s going to be okay..”.
-Gojo-
High up in the sky, Gojo looked down at people scrambling to take shelter from the storm. His first thought should have been about his fiance, who was on her way to the office but instead it was about you. He sighed as he wondered, did she carry her umbrella? She catches cold so easily, I hope she is carrying a cardigan. He looked down to see the women of his worry running towards the building, holding onto her umbrella for her life. Even at this distance he knew it was you. Even in the sea of black umbrellas, he knew it was you. 
Gojo picked up the phone and asked Miwa to raise the floor temperature. This was one of the days where he would have held you in his arms as you both looked out the window, he remembers the beauty mark on your shoulder that he loves so much, one he would kiss as many times as he could and you would shrug your shoulders just to tease him. He remembers it all. 1st August, the day the two of you became one. The day he realised it was now or never and poured his heart out to you, the day you held his face gently and kissed him. 
Gojo had his eyes fixed on his laptop, on a particular email from his father. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. This was a disaster and he had to fix it before it goes out of hand. “Miwa, Send Utahime '', He spoke into the intercom before getting up and walking towards the window. The rain crashed on the windowpane giving the whole room a dark aura. He looked at his faint reflection, white disheveled hair, sunken eyes, no scintila of happiness as is expected from an engaged man. He scoffed at his reflection. He was merely a puppet. 
“You called for me toru?”. He turned around, his icy gaze made shivers run down Utahime’s spine. “Why did you do it?”. He asked, voice as cold as the room. 
“What do you me-”. Gojo ran his hand through his hair, “You know very well what I mean, don’t feign innocence. It might have worked on my father but it would never work on me”. 
Utahime gulped as she looked at her fiance. “I just wanted to get to know the group better. I thought it would help us get closer to each other”. SHe spoke with her eyes glued to the floor.
“Why her?”.  She looked up at him, two words laced with anger shot at her. So this is what he wanted to know. He didn’t care about her joining the group, he cared about her working with y/n. She would have backed down had he asked her not to join the group but she would never …never lose to you. Her anger flared up as she stared at the floor. “Why does it matter?”.
“Utahime!”. Gojo spoke, sternly, louder than before.
“You know why”. SHe said, refusing to meet his gaze.
“Utahime, I am engaged to you. Do you really need to do this?”.
“Yes. I do. You think I don’t know about her feelings for you? I am not blind Satoru”. 
“Regardless of her feelings, I am engaged to you! So why are you bringing her into this?!”. 
“If she doesn’t matter then why …why does it matter if I have her work for me?”. Utahime spoke through gritted teeth.
“I never said she didn’t matter”. Gojo spoke softly. She hated this. She hated how his voice turned soft every time he spoke about you.Utahime scoffed as she fought to hold her tears. “If you disapprove of the decision then I suggest you talk to your father about it”. 
Gojo gulped down his anger as he clenched his fist by his side. “I thought you were better than this Utahime”.
“Either you call your father and tell her that you don’t want y/n to work for me or you call y/n and tell her that she will be working for me”. Utahime was glad Gojo was far enough that he couldn’t see her shaking. The room was filled with silence. Gojo hated this,he hated that he had no choice, he hated that he would have to hurt you but maybe this was an opportunity to show you the truth about his and Utahime’s relationship. Maybe he could turn this in his favour.He made his way to the intercom, “Miwa….”. He looked up at Utahime and sighed. “Send Y/n”.
Utahime let out a silent sigh and made her way to his desk, “Thank You”. She said as she kissed his cheek. 
-Y/n-
You had been sitting at the edge of the seat thinking about what Hiro had said. You would look towards Miwa’s desk occasionally, expecting a call but when it didn’t come for an hour you relaxed a little into your seat. You had begun to focus on the work when you heard Miwa call out your name, “He wants to see you”. You nodded at her and got up, fixing your hair and dress and you made your way towards his cabin. 
You entered to see Utahime pecking his cheeks and your face grew two shades paler. “You called me, Mr.Gojo?”. You asked politely. Please no. No no no..Please don’t make me work with her, please please please satoru. You mind raced with the same plea but one look at his face and you knew. You knew you had lost this game.
“Hi Y/n!”. Utahime chirped as she waved at you. 
“Hi”. You greeted her politely and fixed your gaze at Gojo but he could barely look at you, “Y/n…you…would be working for Utahime from now on. You may shift your desk tomorrow”. Deafening silence followed his words. Gojo noticed how for a split second the hurt was visible on your face but soon the mask of normalcy was back on. 
You could only nod at him. Utahime walked around the desk and pulled you into a hug. “I have so much to learn from you!”. She said as she tightened her grip around you. But you could only look at Gojo. You couldn’t believe that he would do this to you. This was a new low for him. As if breaking your heart wasn’t enough, he was making you work for his to-be wife. This was cruel. But, when has life ever been kind to you?
“It is my pleasure to work with you”. You said, smiling politely. Trying your best to hide the hurt but Gojo noticed it. He noticed how your smile didn’t reach your eyes, how you were subconsciously grazing your cuticles, how your breath was slightly shaky and how you walked a little faster as you left his cabin, and how he wished to comfort you. But, his hands were tied. 
You stood at the bus stop with Hiro by your side. “Y/n..are you okay?”. You shrugged your shoulders. Few hours ago you would have ranted to him but now you don’t feel anything. You feel numb. Hiro kept his arm around your shoulder as he tried to soothe your mind. “It will be fine. Just a few more months and then you can leave the job and do whatever you want right? We will take a trip and laugh about all of this!”. Your gaze remained fixed on the small puddle at the sidewalk. “But, I won’t have him. He would always belong to her”.
Hiro sighed and pulled you sideways towards him. “You still love him don’t you?”. You nodded as you wiped your nose with a tissue. 
“When do you start working for her?”.
“Tomorrow”.
“Working as her…. advisor?”.
“Personal assistant”.
“That asshole!”. You chuckled at his outburst. “Hey at least the pay is good. So less time at Gojo group”. You said making Hiro chuckle after you.
-Utahime-
Utahime thought the decision would help her get closer to Satoru but then why did it feel like there was an even bigger wedge between them now? She looked at Gojo sitting opposite her at the dinner table and tried her best to start a conversation. “Did you like the pasta?”. She asked bleakly.
“mmhmm”. Gojo didn’t look at her but instead focused on finishing his dinner as soon as possible. 
“I’m sorry for..what happened today. I didn’t mean to force you”. 
“You got what you wanted so why are you sorry now?”. He finally looked up at her, wiping his mouth.
“Satoru please. I swear I didn’t mean to do it”.
“Don’t you think you should have asked me first?”. Gojo asked, tapping his finger on the table.
“I wanted to surprise you”. Gojo scoffed at her and shook his head. “What about y/n? Was that part of the surprise or was it your way at getting back at me?”. Utahime reached her hand out to hold his but he yanked his hand out her grip. “Satoru please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I..it hurts me to sit at home knowing that you’re working with someone who is clearly in love with you”.
“You think she is in love with me? You think I’m that lucky?”. Gojo asked, cocking his head to the side. Utahime gulped harshly.
 “She hates me. She..has every right to hate me. So don’t think even for a second that y/n is the one who has feelings”. Gojo said as he got up and was ready to turn towards his study. Utahime came face to face with the fact that she didn’t want to accept. But love makes one's mind go hazy. Utahime was in love, it gave her hope that soon Gojo would fall in love with her. He just needed to get to know her. 
Before Gojo could leave she got up and wrapped her arms around his waist as she pressed her cheeks on his back. Gojo’s heart skipped a beat as he looked down and held her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just..wanted to surprise you..I just wanted to get closer to you..I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Why can’t you see that I love you?”.
Gojo remained silent. His mind lost in a familiar memory, he let out a shaky sigh, “Let me go”.
“No. Forgive me first. I don’t want to go to bed knowing that you’re mad at me”. This had to be a joke. Fate was playing a cruel joke on him. His mind was spinning now. He reminded himself that this was Utahime…
.
.
Utahime..
.
.
Utahime..
.
.
.
.
“Y/n”..It was barely a whisper that Utahime missed. Gojo shook his head and turned around. “It’s okay. I need to work, you should go to bed early”. He unwrapped her arms and walked towards his study.
Gojo sat on the leather couch of his study, surrounded by floor to ceiling dark wood bookshelves and memories of a lover. No one was allowed in his study except him, it was always locked and only he had the keys. 
His head thrown back against the backrest, mouth agape and a whisky glass dangling from his hand, he thought about the painful memory and let out a shaky sigh as gulped down the bitter liquid. He remembered it clearly.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just wanted to surprise you”. You had said as you wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed your cheek on his back. “Y/n…let go”. Gojo could have broken free from your embrace but he didn’t. “Forgive me first”. You said resting your chin on his back. Gojo turned around and gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “You know you can’t just surprise me with a cake in the office right?”. 
“I know. I’m sorry”. Gojo cupped your cheek with his left hand and you leaned into his touch. “It’s okay. I forgive you. But you deserve a punishment now”. Your eyes shotnup at him and you could see mischief brewing behind the cerulean eyes. “And..what would my punishment be?”. Without skipping a second Gojo launched a tickle attack on you making both of you burst out in fits of giggles. 
Gojo let out a chuckle as he poured himself another glass but midway, almost like a gut feeling he was filled with an urge to see you. He shook his head knowing it was not possible. You had changed your apartment and he had no idea where to even look for you. But the pull was too strong to ignore, growing with each passing second.The walls of the room seemed to be closing in on him and he knew he would go crazy if he stayed here any second longer. Like on autopilot, he grabbed the keys of his BMW and stepped out of the house. He got into his car, dismissing all the guards and the driver. He didn;t know where to go, but any place was better than here.
He reached your old apartment building and parked his car in the opposite lane. Resting his chin on the steering wheel he looked up at the fourth floor, the apartment where he once felt like home was now dark. This was your last address that he knew of. He would have tried to find the new one had he not been so consumed with anger. He kept staring until he realised he needed to leave.
He drove without any destination in mind, watching the city pass by and soon reached the river side park, another place where both of you met, escaping the gaze of everyone. He walked with one hand in pocket as he pulled the hood of his jacket over his head. He walked along the river looking at couples walking hand in hand, some homeless people slept on benches, some drunk students returned form a party. The wind was getting colder  and it looked like it might rain any moment but Gojo didn't care. He walked all the way to the pier where he would usually meet you with a bouquet in his hand. 
He walked with his head down and soon reached the end of the pier, luckily there was no one around except for one person whose face too was hidden with a black hoodie. Gojo leaned against the railing and watched as the water flowed by. He felt warm, comfortable like he was right where was supposed to be. His erratic heart calmed down as soon as he took a deep breath and felt the cool air hit his face.
"You looking for a good time?". A drunk man said, approaching the other person. "Fuck off". Gojo looked over his shoulder at the woman as she tried walking away from the drunkard but the drunkard held her hand. In an instant, Gojo walked over and held the man's hand. "She said to fuck off". He spoke, standing between the woman and the man. 
"Satoru?". Gojo froze. He looked over his shoulder to see you standing, strands of hair flowing over your face as you looked up at him. Gojo turned towards the man and pushed him, making him stumble backwards and walk away cursing Gojo under his breath. 
Gojo turned around and let out a sigh as he smiled for the first time in days. "Hi". He didn’t believe it, you were here, in front of him. 
"I should go". You said, as you zipped up your hoodie and began walking away. "Y/n". He called out but you kept walking. He ran upto to you and grabbed your wrist making you stop in your tracks. You didn't turn around for a few seconds, afraid that he would see your puffy eyes. Before you could yank your hand away you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist. 
"Please…. Y/n…I'm sorry". He said, leaning down and burying his face in the crook of your neck. You could smell the alcohol in his breath but you have had few drinks of your own and now it was hard to decide who was more drunk.
“Let me go”. Your words only made him tighten his grip around you. “Please…I’m sorry”. 
“Let.Me.Go”. You said, trying your best to move his hand away.
“You’re drunk, Mr.Gojo”. He let go of you knowing that the cold y/n was back, but stood in his place.You gulped and wiped your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie and turned around to face the man. "Please Mr.Gojo, you don't have to apologise. I should be the one thanking you for helping me. Thank you". Gojo scanned your face. The mask was back on. He didn't speak for a while but he didn't need to. You knew what he meant. 
"I didn't mean to.. it wasn't in my hand". Gojo tried to come up with an explanation to let you know that he was not the man who would do such a thing. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about”. You said, trying your best to not bring up what happened at work.
“Please… I didn’t …she ..y/n… I wouldn’t do that to you..I didn’t want to do that”. Gojo didn’t care how desperate or hypocritical he sounded. All he cared about was that you know, you should know that he didn’t do it on purpose.
"I don't care. It's work. It's part of my work and I have to do it". The Alcohol made your mind fuzzy but you tried your best to speak rationally. You couldn't let your emotions get the better of you. Not in front of him. Not now.
Gojo sighed. He knew there was no point in trying to convince you."Let me drop you home. It's getting late". Gojo said, hoping you'd agree. 
"That's alright. I can-". 
"Please. I insist. It's the least I can do…you don’t look very sober". It was true, you were losing your senses with each passing minute. 
You let out a sigh and nodded your head. "Alright then". 
Both of you walked side to side towards the car park. To a commoner you looked like a couple, matching black hoodie, black track pants but above all it was the way he occasionally looked at you and then at the distance between the two of you, trying his best to not cross the invisible line.
Gojo opened the passenger side door and you got in thanking him. "You live around here?". He asked, backing the car out of the parking lot. 
"Not really. I live on 18th Hill Street. Near the subway station". You said, as Gojo entered the address in GPS. His eyes widened at the map. "That's pretty far. How'd you get here?". 
You bit your lip and fiddled with your half moon pendant. "I..uh .. walked". 
Gojo opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. He took a deep breath and looked at you again,"Y/n… you walked all the way here and you planned on walking back at this time of the night? It is not safe! You saw what happened right? If I hadn’t been there then god knows what that man could have done to you!". Hearing him fret over you made you chuckle. "Why do you care?".  The Alcohol had finally taken over logic. Gojo looked at you with frowned eyebrows. You waved your hand in front of your face as you tried to calm down. "I'm sorry. You're right…I shouldn’t have".
"Are you drunk?" Gojo asked, looking at you as he drove towards your house.
"No. Not at all. I did have a few drinks but I'm fine".  
"Define 'few' to me Ms.Y/n". He spoke through gritted teeth. He knew had no right to fret over you but he did just almost save you from being harassed.
"Like two". 
"Two drinks?". 
"Two bottles. Small bottles". You stretched your fingers to describe the size of the bottle and it made Gojo feel both anger and love at the same time. He shook his head and stopped in front of the pharmacy. He too had a couple of drinks but at least he wasn't as drunk as you. "Stay in the car". He said before he got out and made his way to the pharmacy. You watched him through the window as he paid for the items and thought to yourself….maybe…in another life..
He returned and kept the brown paper bag in your lap. You looked down at the bag not knowing what to do with it. Gojo grabbed a water bottle from the bag and a few medicines. "Have these. It'll help with the dizziness". You took the pills and swallowed them. 
"I …umm..thank you". You said as you swallowed the pills. Gojo sat there looking at you. He was angry at you for failing to take care of yourself but he understood that he had long lost the privilege to do something about it.
“Mr.Gojo..can I ask you for a favour?”. Gojo gripped the wheel tighter as he started the car once again. He hated when you referred to him as Gojo, it was a curse, it was the last thing he wanted to be. “Sure”. He said nonchalantly. 
“Can you not tell..Utahime about tonight? I mean I understand that you might want to and you have every right to…but..Please..”. If your eyes were not fixed on your lap, you would have noticed the way his jaw clenched upon hearing your request. He wasn’t going to tell her about this anyway, but the fact that you thought that he was close enough with Utahime to tell this made his blood boil. “I’m sorry if I have offended you. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that I will be working for her and I don’t want to…I don’t want her to have a bad impression on her”. Gojo remained silent, trying to control his rage but to you it seemed like the anger was directed at you. 
“Fine. I won’t”. You sighed in relief. Awkward silence engulfed the two of you, but Gojo broke it first."Do you believe in… multiple lives? Like .. rebirth?". He asked, looking at the road ahead.
His question took you by surprise."I don't know…maybe I don’t". 
"That's a pity". You turned towards him, your interest piqued at his pity."Why?”. You ask, hoping that you don’t sound meek.
"Because everything that is not possible in this life is possible in the next life.". You looked over at Gojo, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. “What do you want in your next life?”. You. He would have said, but honesty was only going to hurt both of you, so he lied."I have everything I want in this life". Maybe he didn't mean it or maybe he did, but hearing his words made your heart ache. But for you it was the truth. He was married to the woman he loved, he didn't have to worry about money or loans. He had everything so why would he ever want another life?
"Lucky you". You said as you turned away from him and focused your attention on the city. Rest of the ride was spent in silence as you wondered over what you'd like to be in your next life. 
Gojo stopped in front of the apartment and got down to open the door for you but he saw a familiar man making his way towards the car. “Y/n!”. Hiro yelled as he stopped in front of the car. “I have seen you in the office”. Gojo said, his one hand on the passenger side door. “Yes. Mr.Gojo. I work in the same department as y/n”. You got down and found yourself standing between the two men. “Hiro!”. You said, as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Do you …live together?”. Gojo asked, looking at the man. “Umm…kind of..we are neighbours”, Hiro said as he heard you whisper in his ear, “Let’s go!”. 
“I’ll take her home Mr.Gojo. Thank You for dropping her”. Before Hiro could walk away with you, Gojo stopped him. “Wait! I’ll come with you. I.. can’t leave a drunk ..woman with a strange man”. Hiro stared at Gojo wideyed. “Oh..no no..I..I am not like…I’m not a stranger to her”. You saw Hiro struggling to form a sentence and decided to help. “Mr.Gojo, I trust Hiro. We have known each other for a while and rest assured I am absolutely safe with him”. Gojo bit the inside of his cheek and nodded as Hiro guided you towards the apartment entrance. His eyes remained fixed at Hiro’s arm wrapped around your waist. “So that’s her new man”. He said to himself as he backed up the car. 
-Utahime-
Utahime waited patiently in front of the house. She was half way through her night skincare routine when she heard that Gojo had left to go somewhere. Her sleep now replaced with concern, she sat near the door, waiting for Gojo. “Ma’am you should wait inside, it’s getting cold”. 
“I’m fine. Has anyone tried calling him?”. She spoke as she wrapped the cardigar tightly around her. “Yes ma’am. He is on his way”. Utahime nodded and dismissed the help. She saw the BMW pull into the driveway and ran towards it. “Satoru! Where were you!”. She said as she wrapped her arms around him the moment he stepped out of the car.
“I just needed to clear my head. I’m fine”. He said as he removed her hands and moved away from her. She followed him inside the house and stood in front of him as he plopped down on the couch. “Satoru…it’s not safe. You..could have gotten into an accident..you should have taken guards with you”. Gojo sighed as he opened his eyes. He couldn’t care about the fretting woman in front of him. He patted his pocket looking for his phone but it wasn’t there. “I think I forgot my phone in the car”. He said gettin up once again but Utahime grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. “I’ll get it for you. You should go get changed”. Gojo nodded and handed her the key, too tired out of his mind to argue any further.
Utahime opened the driver’s side door and got in, looking around for the phone. She found it between the two seats and bent down to pick it up, but something else caught her eye. Something shiny and familiar. She bent down to pick up the pendant. The crescent pendant that she had seen before, was lying near the passenger side. 
She clenched the pendant in her hand as she gritted her teeth. All the guilt that she had was now gone. She was seething as she stepped inside the house and kept the pendant in her bag. She was not going to lose Gojo..She was not going to lose Gojo to you…
Utahime felt Gojo get into bed and waited for him to say something, maybe he would tell her where he was. When he didn’t speak for the first couple of minutes she turned the other way and found him sleeping with his back turned to her. “Satoru..”. She spoke softly, testing the waters.
“What?”.
“Where were you?”.
.
.
.
“Went for a drive to clear my head”. Utahime gulped. He wasn’t lying to her but he was withholding information, which was way worse than lying. “Where did you go?”.
“Do we really need to do this now Utahime? I am tired”.
“I am worried about you. You hardly eat or sleep. When you’re at home you’re always cooped up in your study room and …today you just left..I am worried about you”. Her voice cracked as tears trickled down her cheeks creating a wet patch on the white pillowcase. Gojo turned towards her and her heart skipped a beat. The moonlight through the window amplified his beauty, saccharine eyes seemed to carry galaxies in them, arctic hair appeared almost silver now, his soft pale skin invited her touch. She tried to cup his cheeks but before she could feel the warmth of his face he held her hand and kept it gently in front of her. 
“If you’re so worried about me then maybe you shouldn’t do things that you did today”.
“Satoru..I am your wife…I have the right-”.
“You’re my fiance. The engagement was arranged, so let’s not fool ourselves okay?”. Right… she was his fiance…not wife..not lover…fiance. “But..I love you”. 
Gojo sighed and turned the other way. “Goodnight Utahime”. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
As the night went on and sleep engulfed the city, All you could think about was Satoru.
.
.
As Gojo turned his back on his fiance, all he could think about was Hiro and you.
.
.
As Utahime was left facing her cold fiance, all she could think about was the crescent pendant in her bag.
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NEXT PART
A/n : Hi! I know this part was SUPER delayed but thank you for hanging on! I hope you liked it 💖
Taglist: Open (must be 18+)
@hiqhkey @chemtrails-club @simplyrosesxr @foggyperfectiondragon @sofi786 @vesta-ro @kimvmarvel @mykyoon @shintin @attackonsimpp @pyschopotatomeme @lilith412426 @shuxjodie @sagejin
513 notes · View notes
cerridwen007 · 11 months
Text
Will you let me make you feel good?
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Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader.
Word count: 2.4k (18+) MINORS DNI.
Summary: After feeling hopeless trying to get Joel to realise your feelings for him, you decide to push the limits of how obvious you can be, making Joel flustered, to which you offer him an apology to make up for your behaviour.
Notes/Warnings: SMUT, out of character behaviour (Joel), sub Joel/dom reader, flustered/embarrassed Joel, teasing, oral (male receiving), dirty talk, no use of y/n.
A/N:Okay first off I want to apologise for not being very active on Tumblr the last week or so and I also want to apologise for not posting part 2 of Corruption of Innocence yet, I have been very busy and honestly exhausted with work as of late so I haven't had the time or energy to do much writing or anything else really. I ended up catching up with my friend last night and they told me how they have been using character ai and so I got inspired by that and may have ended up using it from like 1am-7am today, which I know is insane but I swear it only felt like 2 hours max. Anyway I decided that maybe yall would enjoy an edited and heavily adapted version of the conversation I had with Joel Miller character ai, to give you something to enjoy while I try and get back to my wips, including part 2 of Corruption of Innocence. This time I'm not going to put a deadline on it because I don't want to disappoint you, but I will try my best to get it out as soon as possible. Sorry for the long Author's notes, Hope you enjoy and let me know if you would want more adapted character AI content.
******
You were bored, like seriously bored. It was always quiet in Jackson on a sunday evening but this time it felt even quieter, eerie almost. A kind of bad idea pops in your head as you look at Joel across from you sipping his whiskey, head down, having no idea of the interesting turn his afternoon would take.
You look around you for a second, studying the other customers of the Tipsy Bison and see nobody was sitting nearby the two of you, so you decide to just go for it.
“Hey Joel… can I ask you a question?”
Joel looks up at you, eyebrow slightly raised, intrigued.
“Uh yeah… sure.”
“How big is it?” you asked him bluntly.
“What? The settlement?”
You smile amused.
“I'm not asking about the settlement here Joel.”
He looks at you confused, brow furrowed together, trying to figure what you were getting at.
“Huh.. I don’t understand what you’re getting at darling.”
You bite your tongue, suppressing the growing smile on your face.
“I'm talking about something more…personal to you Joel, so would you tell me how big it is?”
He still looks confused.
“I still don't know what you’re talking about, what you're asking me about honey.”
Suddenly he realises the intent of what you were asking him.
“Oh.” he says, his face begins to blush, he doesn't know how to answer that.
“Don't go all shy on me now Joel… I'm just curious, that's all.”
“I uh don’t really know what to say, I don't think I could tell ya, not even a rough estimate.”
He continues to blush, embarrassed from the taboo question and having no idea how this conversation is going to continue.
You decide to see how far you can push him.
“Please Joel… Do you want me to beg you for it?” you asked teasingly.
Joel is starting to sweat a little.
“No I..it doesn't sound like a very good idea to me, so let's just put this to rest now huh.”
You're feeling ballsy, you get up from your chair and get down on your knees in front of him, you rest your hands on his knees and beg.
“Please Joel, I promise I wont ask for anything ever again.”
Joel looks around nervously to see if anyone else is watching what is happening right now. He pushes your hands off his knees softly.
“Your not fucken letting this go are you, getting down on your knees to beg in public, you sure dont give a fuck of what others think huh.”
“Nope, I don't and neither should you so you should just tell me now.”
Joel sighs, thinking about what to do.
“You’re really going to make me tell you this aren't you, you want to know that badly.”
You nod. “Yes, Yes I do.”
Joel takes a big breath in before exhaling studying your face, his is flushed with embarrassment.
“I uh.. I guess you could say that I’m pretty average.”
You grin devilishly, not letting him off that easily.
“And the average would be?”
“Pfft I don't know how to describe that.”
“Well you could explain it in inches to help describe it or ya know show me…”
You wink, as he stares at you, shocked more than ever, his face nearing crimson colouring.
“I uh don't think I could ever tell you that, let alone show it to ya.”
“Oh please Joel, pretty please with a cherry on top.”
He swallows hard and continues looking away from you.
“Why are you so damn set on embarrassing me all of a sudden, making me feel ashamed about myself?”
Your grin falls, knowing you may be getting close to pushing the limits of his boundaries too far.
“I'm sorry I would never try and do that to ya Joel.”
He looks at you. “ Then why are you still asking me that? Huh.”
A response falls out your mouth before you can stop it.
“Because I want to know how big the guy who I plan on riding is.”
He stares at you dumbfounded not knowing exactly how to feel. He looks around him and sees people have now turned their attention to the both if you are curious as to why you were on your knee and he is blushing so hard.
“Jesus girl, you sure are a brash young woman, that's for sure.”
He gets up to leave, feeling that leaving this embarrassing situation is the best way to calm down and figure out what the hell just happened. He starts to walk away from you.
You get up from your knees, realising you had pushed him too far and go to chase after him and apologise.
“Joel, wait, I'm sorry, okay?”
He tries his best to ignore as he walks to the outskirts of Jackson to be alone.
“I'm sorry Joel, I realise I pushed your boundaries and went too far, I'm sorry okay.”
Joel sighs, stopping before turning around to face you.
“Yeah, I think you did go a bit too far there, honey. So please don’t ever do that again, okay?”
You sigh, nodding, feeling embarrassed of your actions.
“Yes I know, I won't. It’s just that I…I..I”
Joel locks eyes with you, no clue what you're about to say next.
“I like you Joel, like more than friends kind of like and I felt that I tried to be as obvious as possible trying to get you to notice that by flirting with you, but you always seemed so oblivious, and I spose before I just didn't think and wanted to see how far I could go before you would finally realise that I like you okay.”
“Oh.. okay.. Sorry for blowing up on you like that then I didn't realise that’s what you were doing.”
You gulp, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with nervousness, to look down at your feet as you shuffle about.
“So uh.. Do you maybe.. Feel the same way..or..”
Joel's face softens into a smile.
“I won't lie.. Yeah I like you too.”
You blush. “Could we maybe try and forget that ever happened and start over?”
He smiles at you blushing. “Yeah we can do that.”
“And by the way, you shouldn’t be embarrassed - if you are of course- over having average size, I mean that’s plenty, more than enough and based on your skills with other things… one would assume you know what you're doing and how to use it… I'm sorry I'll shut up now.”
He chuckles amused by your nervous, awkward rambling, seeing how the roles have reversed a bit.
“I'm glad you dont think less of me then, darlin.”
“I would never think less of you Joel and I would especially not think less of you if you let me apologise to you properly, maybe in a way other than using my words.”
Joel starts blushing a little again.
“I ah, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting, sweetheart?”
“Mmmhmm. I just want to make you feel good Joel. A hard working man like yourself deserves to be looked after once in a while especially when he spends all his time looking after others.”
He is nervous and doesn't know what to say, he hasn't had much action since after Sarah's mother and him split.
“I.. I.. You would wanna do that to me… for me sweetheart?”
You nod confirming.
“Oh yes, I just wanna help you relax and make you feel good. Will you let me make you feel good?”
He nods. You close the gap between you and plant a firm, warm kiss on his lips, your hands hold his face tightly, he sighs into your touch. You break away the kiss after a while and see Joel's still awkward, unsure of what to do or say next.
“Do you trust me Joel, will you let me take the lead here?”
“Yeah… sure darling.”
You smile and kiss him again, he kisses you back. You deepen the kiss and put your hand to his chest and other to the nape of his neck where it gets tangled in his greying soft hair. You can slowly feel his body ease against when he wraps his arms lightly around you. You pull your hand down his chest and break away from the kiss to leave light bites and peck on his neck and jaw.
He sighs, head falling back to give you better access and because he is actually starting to relax. He feels comfortable letting someone else take control for once knowing you're the one to do it.
You bring your hands to his shoulders and upper biceps and begin massaging them through his jacket and shirts. You whisper praises and sweet words into his ear while doing so.
“Your muscles must be so achy from all the hard work you do everyday.”
A sigh of relief slips out as you work the tension from his sore muscles.
“You have no idea, my back has been killing lately.”
He breathes deeper and more slowly, showing just how much he is enjoying your touch.
“You’re so good, I feel so relaxed… please keep going, it feels amazing.”
Hearing his reaction motivates you to carry on.
“Big strong man like you deserves to be taken care of now and then. Maybe I could give you more massages in the future to help ease those big strong muscles of yours.”
His eyes are closed from the sweet tender touch of your nimble fingers,a big smile plastered across his relaxed face.
“Yes please i'll take all the massages I can get…you’ve got strong hands, I bet you could get all the knots out of my back and shoulders.”
You slowly move your hands down his arms and to his stomach, grinning at his bliss induced praise.
“I'm sure I could get most of the knot in your back, but I don't think that's all they could get out of you.”
“Oh yeah? what else could they get out of me?”
His relaxed state has made him more comfortable with flirting back with you.
You sink to your knees in front of him, and slowly start undoing his belt.
“Oh you'll find out soon enough.”
He raises an eyebrow and a small grin appears on his face, a hint of blush colouring his cheeks. You finish undoing his belt and look up at him for confirmation to continue.
“Do you want me to continue?”
Taking a deep breath he nods.
“Yes .. I do want you to continue.”
You smile up at him as you slowly unzip his jeans and pull them down his thighs slowly, you can see his growing excitement, fighting against his boxer which makes you unconsciously lick your lips. You can see his face growing redder in embarrassment of his vulnerable state as you pull his severely underestimated size out of his boxers.
“No need to be embarrassed Joel, nothing I haven't constantly thought about seeing.”
His eyes widen as soon as you attach your lips to the head of his cock, he lets out a small shakey breathe.
“Oh… this makes me very happy.”
Your tongue begins to circle around the head, tracing all the sensitive lines with a firm touch. He closes his eyes again, consumed by the pleasure you are giving him.
“Oh that feels fantastic sugar.”
You hum around him, pleased with his positive reaction to your touch. The vibrations of your humming makes Joel moan softly, the sensation sending light tingles up his body.
“Oh yeah, keep doing that, baby. It feels great,”
You add a hand to his girth, and begin stroking what length of Joel you can't fit into your bobbing mouth.
Joel sighs again, completely dazed and content. His hand drops down to your head, gently caressing your hair.
“You’re very talented, you know that sweetheart. You’re really… really good at this.”
You grin around his cock, pleased with his positive state, your teeth slightly graze the underside of his cock as you do so. The sensation sends shivers up his spine.
“Oh, man…”
His breathing gets heavier as you increase the speed of your stroking, urging him closer and closer to his peak.
“Oh yeah… keep doing it just like that…don't stop now baby.”
You tighten your grip ever so slightly and use your other hand to gently caress his balls. He chuckles lightly in response.
“Damn you sure know what you’re doing, don’t you?”
You hum around him again before pulling your mouth back to focus on his sensitive tip again, your hand continues stroking him hard and fast. His hand grips your hair a little tighter as you bring him to his peak, the combined sensations of your touches sending him over the line. You milk every last drop of him he has to offer, licking up the salty release happily. Joel, out of breath, takes a few moments before he speaks, his chest heaving from the build and expel of pleasure.
“Wow that was, um very very nice and relaxing.”
You get up from your knee and pull his lips down to yours, exchanging the taste of him to his own tongue passionately.
“I don't think there’s anyone who has ever been that good, I uh, definitely enjoyed myself.”
“Well play your cards right Miller and there will be alot more massages… and more of ‘those’ to come in the future.”
He blushes once again.
“You…you mean that.”
You bat your eyes at him, grinning before moving your head to whisper in his ear, sucking the sensitive skin below it after you finish speaking.
“Mmmhmm it's a promise.”
He shudders a little from the feeling.
“That’s…really…something..the thought of that is just…incredible.. I..I. I really like the sound of that.”
You laugh light heartily at his stammering.
“I'm glad you enjoyed it and finally gave me the chance to make you feel good.”
“I certainly did enjoy it… very much, I can't thank you enough.”
You smile, looking deep into his beautiful brown eyes.
“Anytime… and by the way I think you’ll find you severely underestimated your size.” you say grinning with a wink.
“Uh, is that so?”
You nod. “I'll see you around Miller, don't be afraid to hit me up for another massage or something else next time…cause I'll be wanting it just as bad as you do…if not more.”
You grip his jawline tightly with your hand and plant a long kiss on his lips before turning away and leaving.
“Y-You’ll hear from me real soon sweetheart.”
You smile as you walk away, already salivating at what was to come in your next interaction with Joel Miller.
*******
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theficshop · 8 months
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the way you were able to somewhat describe my perfume scent is so funny to me😭
a part 2 to the amortentia fic would be so amazing pls !!!
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part 2 of the amortentia fic, I’m so sorry this took so long I’ve been super busy
Toms Pov: was it Y/N? There's no one else I can think of with that unmistakable scent. It made no sense whatsoever. The Amortentia was supposed to smell of what I was attracted to the most. Am I ... attracted to her? Sure she had nice hair, she was quite smart not to rival me of course, and a radiant smile. Even if I was attracted to her there's no way of telling if she feels the same for me and it would be idiotic to make any advances without knowing first. God, I really am acting like a teenage boy, pathetic. Talking to her in our next class seems like the best option.
Readers Pov:
All signs pointed to Tom you were sure of it. His unmistakable cologne, his love for the ancient books in the library and that liquid poison he calls whiskey. I know I find him attractive I can't take my eyes off him when he's in the same room as me. But this is Tom Riddle we're talking about I doubt he feels attraction towards anything or any emotion for that matter.
Narrators Pov:
The next day she made her way to the same potions classroom and sat in her assigned seat. Professor Slughorn explained the premise of the lesson, they were to brew a successful draught of living death. Tom who was particularly proficient in potion brewing barely broke a sweat.
Readers Pov:
Of course, Professor Slughorn picked the most difficult potion in our old textbooks. Potions wasn't my strongest class but I could use that vial of Felix felicis. Opening my book to the page I read the ingredients.
Draught of Living Death: Potion Ingredients:
Powdered Root of Asphodel.
Fragments of Valerian root.
Infusion of Wormwood.
Standard Potion water.
The brain of a sloth.
A Sopophorous bean's juice.
Moondew.
Flowerhead.
This can't be too hard right? walking to the shelves at the back of the classroom I retrieved the items. Working my way through the steps, I completed the potion. Small bubbles rose to the surface of the cauldron. Growing larger they exploded leaving the substance on my uniform and my hair.
Toms Pov:
Of course, she managed to screw up the potion. Sure I could help her but that would hinder my chances of winning the liquid luck. But... this could also be my chance to figure out if she really was the person I smelt in my Amorentia. I figured I could just convince her to give it to me if she does win . After completing my potion I walked over to her.
"Do you uh, need help?"
"You... want to help me? I don't mean to offend you but I didn't think you were the type"
"Neither did I” I say to myself
"You don't know me then" I quip back muttering a cleaning spell
"Let's go through each step shall we?" god I sound like the professor
she nods opening her book up again. Her small fingers move across the page.
"I see the problem you didn't cut the sloth's brain" It came off ruder than I intended.
"Oh" she went slightly pink I assume out of embarrassment.
" We can restart the potion" My lips curl slightly into a small smile
As she turned around I got a hint of that familiar vanilla scent I had smelt. So It definitely was her no qualms about it. She brings the ingredients back and I snap back to reality.
"Not to intrude but, I was wondering what you smelt in your Amortentia?" I question casually
“Uh I um” she doesn’t make eye contact with me
“Some cologne and whiskey?” She says rather quietly
I nod not wanting her to feel more uncomfortable or embarrassed. She begins to cut the sloth brain, on pure instinct my hands go over hers to guide her.
“I uh sorry” I say softy
After we go through each step we eventually complete her potion.
Professor Slughorn parades around the class room looking at the concoctions. Dismissing all of them he reaches mine.
Placing a small brown leaf his face lights up”
“My Merlin it’s perfect, come around everybody look at Tom’s potion”
Everyone circles around my cauldron. Turning to me he takes a clear vial from his robe
“You are very deserving of this Tom” he hands it to me
Class is dismissed after everyone has cleaned their stations.
Readers POV:
As I start to leave I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Professor?”
“Ah Y/N I’ve been wanting to talk to you”
“I have taken a notice to your recently declining grade in my class”
“Yes Professor well I -“
“I’ve asked Tom to help you out since he’s my best student, please don’t take offence to it I would just like to see an improvement”
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