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insertsomthinawesome · 1 year

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I love your Genshin lore takes, any interesting hcs/AUs/lore bits you'd like to share? Also, amazing art!

AA!!!!

That makes me so happy to hear actually??? THank you???? I love getting to ramble about genshin or stuff I'm into i'm just often too shy asldfkaslfalsgsdgdsdgsg so thank you!!!!! ;;v;; AND THANKS I'M GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART TOO!!!!!! ;;v;; <3 <3 <3 OOOoooh HMMM, I've been more into TWST and Trigun Recently so let me dig up my braincells to think about it dfLSJFLSDJGLSDGD Throwing stuff below the cut cause this could get LONG

Well on the subject of Itto, I headcanon him being 6'6 ft tall... Why??? Because it makes his voiceline about everybody shorter than him being a child really funny. 🤣 Also because he beeg and you can't convince me otherwise SDLFJSDLJGSLDGSD OOOOH Okay this one is very much a headcanon i have for pure self indulgence: So my two genshin blorbos of main focus are Zhongli and Diluc right? I like to headcanon that, at some point after Diluc was nearly killed by the harbingers, he collapsed somewhere near Liyue harbor (His injuries probably weren't directly related to the Harbinger ones, tho it depends on the amount of time it's taken between That incident and him being in Liyue, I think I came up with this idea LONG before i really understood a lot of what Diluc actually did away from home xD) he's found and carried to Liyue, where he's tended to, probably by Baizhu cause I love Baizhu, and recovers. Its here he's visited by Zhongli. Zhongli knew Crepus. Not super well! They weren't besties or nothin, but Crepus would be in Liyue, and Zhongli would be in Liyue, both of them having some level of prestige, Zhongli through his job and Crepus through his Titles, ended up meeting. They would talk and of course that means Zhongli heard about Diluc. Beyond that even, Zhongli was probably vaguely aware of Diluc's existence just from the fact that Crepus is a Ragnvindr, which means gossip/news on his family spreads potentially across the globe. (And maybe Zhongli checked in once in a while out of honor to a dear friend he hadn't seen in five hundred years...) ANYWAYS. Zhongli introduces himself and mentions he knew Crepus. A grieving Diluc probably asks for more information without really knowing if he wants more info or not. Its through this that Zhongli learns of Crepus's passing, and Diluc being less well put together from his injuries, ends up confessing to having hurt Kaeya. He despairs of ever being able to make up for it, to which Zhongli is surprisingly quiet and attentive before finally speaking up: "...Life is short, like the flower, it blooms for a season, blossoms in all its color and beauty, and then it shrivels away on the winds, nothing left of it but the Sweetness of memory." He pauses. "If you care about your brother, than return to him, confess your wrong doings, and don't let the burden of you mistakes carry until such a time as the ability to do something about them is force-ably taken away from your hands." The mans smile is soft, but sad. Not in a pitying way, and not in a way that is even directed at Diluc, if anything, he seems thousands of miles away. "There are fewer burdens, and fewer regrets, that can weigh heavier." This of course creates a fun dynamic to play around with if Lumine or other events drag Diluc to Liyue later >:D As for AU's I can give you two I've dwelled on!: Number one is an Inazuma rewrite, but I bring in a party of my chosing. I started this one before I played the game, so I didn't exaclty understand what went down in the INazuma plot, but Man I was having fun so xD THe party of choice in this case was Zhongli, Diluc, Thoma, and of course Lumine. I had fun with this idea because it allowed Zhongli and Diluc to function in the plot, and Thoma would be WAAAAY more involved as well. I didn't iron out Loads of details, but I wanted there to be a big confrontation between Lumine and Zhongli based off the fact that Azhdaha's quest happened before Inazuma, and before that was uh. THe reveal of Khaenri'ah. Needless to say Lumine's not exactly feeling the greatest about Zhongli. But she considers him a friend, or at least wants too. Zhongli is dealing with the sting of a pre-inazuma plot confrontation from Lumine, where she confessed that she'd have a hard time trusting him if he kept keeping secrets and he couldn't explain himself.

The two of them were planned to get into a huge fight that ALMOST gets physical. But Diluc stops them (Something something he knows making the mistake of attacking someone you love out of fear and broken trust 🙃) This ends up splitting the party for a while, Diluc going off with Zhongli, and Thoma staying with Lumine. Ultimately I wanted this to end with Zhongli getting to have a bit Showdown with Raiden Shogun, essentially kinda getting to brute force his way into her grief. I always loved the idea of the woman who can't move on from grief talking with the man who has suffered so much grief but still lives, this would kinda allow that, it would also allow for Zhongli to be a little bit of a father figure to Ei in her frustrations and grief. Also it would be hilarious if Inazuma kinda knew Rex Lapis was alive... but he kinda saved all their butts, so nobody's going to out him xD This would essentially spiral into a lot of canon divergence plots and development for the cast of characters that's just, not in canon? But man I still think it'd be so fun :D Also Diluc and Ei eventually become friends through this adsflJSFLSJDLGJSLDGJSDGSDG. I think they could help each other :) The SECOND AU is one where, Diluc, on his journey, ends up getting stuck in Inazuma before he can get home. So diluc is visionless, Has the Delusion, and is not in good health. Itto ends up finding him passed out on a beach, drags him back to Granny Oni's, and his gang nurse him back to health all while assuming Diluc was a victim of the Vision hunt decree (i think the vision hunt decree is pretty recent in canon?? This would be an AU where the timeline got bumped up, probably Raiden starts off a lot slower with the vision hunts, only taking a few of them once in a great while to further "eternity" Until she spirals bad enough to start taking them all.... IDK its rough but workable maybe xD) THis AU is mostly for letting Itto bully Diluc into loving himself among other things xD and the angst of it taking even longer for Diluc and Kaeya to reunite...... WHich i would defo make them reunite when Lumine comes over to finally end the Vision hunt decree soooooooooo >:3 Diluc ends up getting adopted by the Arataki gang, by EVERY member, and he's not happy about it (He is, he's just a freaking tsundere)

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perfectpaperbluebirds · 2 years

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Whining/Crying

@sicktember 2022 Prompt #19

Fandom/OCs: MCU Avengers/ Sick!Natasha Romanov

Title: In the Mood

Words: 1423

Inspiration: This post about crying when waking up alone from @sickromancer

Author’s comments: This is another prompt that definitely wouldn’t have worked for me without the right character. I am generally not into whining or crying. But someone so tough and strong and independent breaking down and letting themselves be held and taken care of will never not be perfect. So, have some pathetic Natasha Romanov with a tender, loving Clint.

CW: Swearing, but not too much.

Being sick was actually the fucking worst, and Natasha was not in the mood. Somehow this damned flu had gone through every member of the Avengers (they were all suspecting alien involvement) until it finally caught up with her, though she'd done everything she could to avoid it, and now she was pissed at every single one of them. Bruce with his Hulk-sized sneezes, Tony with his germy hands all over everything, Thor coughing loud enough for the entire tower to hear for days, Steve sweating all over the training room even when he was half dead on his feet, and of course Clingy Clint, pressing his feverish face against her pitifully, no matter how many times she pushed him away. Her strict regimen of hand washing and taking every immunity vitamin known to man had failed her. She didn't know which one of her teammates had gotten her sick (though she had her suspicions), so she made it a problem for every single one of them.

To their credit, the guys took this quite well. She had played caregiver for all of them at one time or another (mostly from a distance recently), so they were happy to return the favor, even with a side of Natasha attitude. She whined about every little thing, from her headache to the temperature of the room to the volume of their talking. Several of them still had lingering symptoms, and she managed to complain about this, too. She didn’t like them coughing and sneezing around her, complaining that they were spreading their germs everywhere, even though it was already too late. Perhaps that was the point. Since it was already too late, she was going to complain all the harder about what had caused her sickness in the first place.

She knew she was being a bitch, but reining in her attitude was just too much effort in times like these. Ever since she’d been a tiny girl she hated being sick, hated showing weakness, and hated having to be taken care of, so she got irrationally angry whenever it happened. However, she didn’t like using her teammates as her punching bags, so after a few days she kept mostly to her suite alone. Only Clint came and went for sporadic bursts of company, as he was the only person she could tolerate for any length of time when her head hurt.

When he came to see her, though, they rarely talked. Mostly they just laid in bed together, with Clint rubbing her back or stroking her hair. Clint was extremely tactile when he was feeling poorly, so his caretaking style also tended to be more cuddly than anything else. Sometimes this annoyed Natasha, but at times, when symptoms were at their worst, it really was nice to curl up against a human pillow, and Clint was more than willing to oblige.

This is how they found themselves on the evening of the fourth day of Natasha's illness, curled up together in bed in her suite. Natasha's head was pillowed on Clint's chest, and she was being slowly lulled into a doze by his rhythmic breathing. Suddenly he spoke, startling her.

"Are your symptoms getting worse? How's your head, throat, everything?" he murmured.

"No noticeable change. I'm still miserable but that's my baseline currently. Why?"

"Think your fever's up is all. You're very warm," he said simply, stroking her hair. "And you've been quiet all day."

She huffed a sigh. "Figures. Honestly, I’m too exhausted to notice anything else. So I guess that makes sense."

“Then just sleep. You’ll feel better if you do,” he said, closing his own eyes.

“Mm,” she sighed, following suit as she burrowed deeper into the blanket covering both of them.

~~~

Fever dreams were the worst part about being sick for a person with a past like hers. Usually sleeping with Clint kept them at bay, but not this time. She flitted from dream to dream, each more horrible than the last.

At first she was running, and it seemed like she was running toward something. Her teammates. Someone was in trouble. Her lungs were burning, but she knew she couldn’t reach them in time. Then she realized she was passing her friends one by one as they looked on disinterestedly, and then it dawned on her– she wasn’t running toward, she was running away. Something was chasing her, and there was no hope of outrunning it. She could feel it getting closer, but she dared not turn to see what it was. The dream shifted again, and suddenly she was running through the woods all alone. It was too foggy to see what was ahead. Suddenly her foot was no longer touching the ground–she had run off the edge of a cliff. Time froze as she looked down into the fathomless depths below, and began to fall, slowly plummeting to her death.

She woke with a gasp, soaked in sweat. She was panting wildly, as if she’d actually been running. Her heart was thrumming out of control. The room was dark, and she was all alone.

She tried to steady her breathing, and get her bearings, but her mind would not still. She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but it had to have been several hours, because it was dark outside, where it had been light when she nodded off, and this disoriented her even more. She felt like she was missing something, but she at first couldn’t place it. Then she realized: Clint was gone. He was here when she had fallen asleep, and now he had disappeared.

Tears began to prick her eyes against her will at this realization. It was just like the dream. Everyone had abandoned her. She wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself as she began to shiver, both from terror and bone-wracking chills as her sweat cooled. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The tears began to flow past her lids against her will.

“Clint?” she croaked, barely audible. “Where are you?” She cleared her throat with a grimace and tried again. “Clint?” she wavered, stronger but no less needy. “Clint, are you here?”

There was no answer. The dark corners of the room seemed to be encroaching very fast, but her legs were shaking too much to walk over to the light switch. Her nose was running in earnest now. She tried to sniffle, but her nasal passages were too inflamed. She wiped at the drips with her sleeve, still trying fruitlessly to breathe without gasping.

“Clint,”she gasped, covering her face with her hands as she began to sob freely but softly, shoulders shaking with effort. It was too much. She was so scared. So alone.

A strong arm enveloped her moments later, almost making her leap out of her skin. Clint pulled her close against himself, wrapping her in both arms. Realizing who it was, she pressed into him desperately, sobbing onto his chest.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” he whispered over and over, rocking and holding her. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe. Just breathe, ‘Tash.”

Slowly, slowly she regained control. Even when she was quieter he continued to rock her, rubbing her back soothingly. At last she pulled away, but only because the state of her nose was now emergent. She used several tissues to blow and wipe, taking her time with this, and unable to meet Clint’s eyes.

“Sorry about your shirt,” she mumbled after a while. “That was… a lot.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Or explain. We all know how the dreams can be,” he said quietly. “It’s because your fever is so high. You should take something for it. And I brought you some fresh water, too.” He nodded to the pill bottles on her nightstand. She complied immediately. Meanwhile he turned on the lights in the room and tuned the stereo to a peaceful jazz station. She recognized the song, a quiet version of “In the Mood '' by the Glenn Miller Band, and she was immediately calmer. When she had swallowed a handful of medication, he lifted his arm wordlessly, and she slid under it without hesitation, pressing her face against him for a moment and breathing in his comforting smell.

“Thank you,” she said, almost too quietly to hear. Clint had managed to save her entire mood in a matter of moments. She knew she didn’t need to tell him this, though; he already knew.

His only reply was to secure his arm more tightly around her, pressing his lips to her hair.

#sicktember 2022 #prompt 19 #mcu avengers #everyone is hotter with a fever #sickfic

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marinerainbow · 8 months

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11, 15 and 21 for Poppy! 😊

Yay!! More OC POV asks! :D

11. What is your favorite type of media (TV, movie, books, etc)? Name some specific favorites (which shows, movies, books, etc do you like)!

"Oh, I love a good mystery novel!" The rabbit chirped excitedly. Her fingers drummed on the coffee mug she was holding, "I'm actually reading this book about a murder case that takes place in a mansion! There are six suspects, and they all have their own motivation to kill the man. And it's up to the butler to figure out who killed him, and where, and with what weapon!"

Realizing she got a little loud, Poppy cleared her throat before offering a sheepish smile, "Sorry, that probably sounds morbid. I also like romance and historic fiction novels. I don't own a television myself, but I do enjoy going to the theater. And my friends have their own TV's, so I can watch movies with them. And one friend in particular is warming me up to horrir movies. Just last night, we watched Night of the Living Dead together. I do own my own radio, too. I can't pick just one genre of music, though; it all depends on my mood!"

She hummed to herself as she took a sip of her beverage before answering the last question, "I can't think of too many specific titles that I enjoy. At least not at the moment. There are too many, really. But the ones I can think of right now are Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Phantom of the Opera- the novel and the musical. And this more recent fantasy movie called Legend. Have you heard of it? It's a little dark, but it has a happy ending." The rabbit looked very happy right now. Not a single strand of her fluffy black hair was out of place in that toony way to show stress.

15. Do you play any instruments? Which ones? How long have you been playing?

This new question made Poppy nod, still wearing her smile on her face, "Yes, I do! Not many, though. I can only play the piano. I even used to own one in my old house, during my life as an actress..."

At this, the light in her eyes diminishes somewhat before she let out a small sigh, "It's gone, now... My first boyfriend took it with him... It's ok!" She raises a hand then, quick to assure you to not worry about her, "That was years ago. If I had a bigger place, I would get another one. I do want to try to move into a house again for that reason... I miss playing, even if it was just for myself." She breathed another sigh through her nose before taking another drink of her drink.

21. Describe your ideal partner.

This time, the question caused her to almost choke. Mostly because it caught her off guard. Poppy had to grab a napkin to cover her mouth and regain her composure. After clearing her throat, she looked to you again. She was smiling again, but there was a hint of nervousness behind it too, "You're really interested in my taste?" This conversation was starting to feel a little too much like the kinds she would have with Shiny.

Once you confirmed you really were, Poppy nodded and glanced away. Not to avoid your gaze, but to ponder her answer. You could tell by the way her nose twitched occasionally- that was always a sign she was thinking about things, "Hm... Well, respect is most important. For both parties. I'd want a partner who wouldn't take advantage of me. I've already had enough of that... I'd also like a partner who can help me be more... Outgoing? Confident? I know I struggle with that sort of thing on my own. But won't try to force me to do things that make me uncomfortable, you know?"

The horror toon was silent for another moment, before nodding her head with a soft smile, "That's what's most important to me. I don't care what they would look like, or where they came from. I just want a kind, understanding person."

(Girl has dated a homeless fox, a former villainous wolf, and a drunkard rabbit. I think it's safe to say that she ain't picky XD)

#did i just reference Clue? why yes i did #also note how Poppy says 'they' in referring to a future partner- not 'he' :)#asks #my own OC's #poppy #oc answers #wfrr #who Framed Roger Rabbit

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tyongsies · 2 years

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Honestly, I think I’m just not the target audience for 127 anymore….

I have every single song downloaded from empathy and that’s just nosedived since sticker album. At least in that one I liked the b-sides. This time I only downloaded 1,2,7 after listening to the whole album….

Like 2 baddies lyrics just feel so meaningless and there’s almost no cohesive melody. It’s like their songs are just random chunks put together.

I miss the pre 2021 album’s vibes. It felt a lot more effortless and more them. I guess they’ve moved on from that kind of music, so I have to as well. Which is such a shame cause baby don’t stop and boss were the songs that brought me to loop in the first place. Bittersweet honestly.

@nct-taeyong-ten

(Dunno why it won’t let me ask from my account)

hi !!!!!!! firstly i'm glad u came to share your opinion and i'm happy u feel comfortable sharing this with me :)

i can understand that you don't feel the same about 127's music esp since a lot has changed since empathy! also sticker was a huge dividing point for nctzens i think lmao and i can understand in some aspects how their music can seem a bit ,,,,,,, well just very different from what it used to be! and there's nothing wrong from straying away from what you loved! it's sad but it happens sometimes :( i hope in the future nct makes music that you enjoy again and that you are able to have fun with <3

i will try and explain my thoughts on nct's transformation however bc i think it's really important to highlight how much their style has changed! 2021 nct was really experimental bc i think they were going through a transition from 'old nct we all know' to 'new nct' we have grown to know now! and of course nct's title tracks have always been strong (in my opinion!); i think recently nct's title tracks stir up the most talk, but i consider them the supporting dish in their full course meal of the whole album or mini album if you will hehe :') so i can understand the title tracks not being your thing! which again is totally fine, however i think it's really good that nct doesn't make music like they used to!! listening to their stuff from 2018 is nostalgic and brings about really good memories i'm sure, but it's always nice to see growth in artists! so much has changed for them not just personally but just as a group in general. i think they know what kind of music they want to make, they're always paying attention to what type of music they need to pursue next and they always approach it with a fresh new angle, which is why it's so different from what we are used to hearing! i think nct's b-sides speak in such greater depths, even though i know a lot of casual fans care about title tracks a lot more. i appreciate nct in this way that i am never bored with what they decide to do and they always keep nctzens on their toes, whether they like the music or not! and you can admire them for at least standing strong and sticking to the music rather than what fans are concerned about ya know?

again i am really sorry you feel this way towards their music now and i really hope they make music in the future that you are able to enjoy again! for now, i would maybe just try and giving the songs a few more listens and see if you still feel the same ?? SLDKFJ but that's just me :) there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel!! i just wanted to share my angle on their music style throughout the years and how it seems i'll never be able to dislike their music lol ,,,, thank u for sharing tho !!

#mail 💌#nct-taeyong-ten #i just wanted to discuss this w you !!! nothing wrong w your side at all i love talking about this stuff and sharing opinions :)

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scientested · 2 months

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music commentary #1: nightmare in dreamland

hello women! I'm doing this now. Cause i like talking about my music process that much

so for this song… I guess the first thing that comes to mind to say about it is that my motivation to complete it came from a negative place and i think that definitely influenced the choices i made while working on it and the choice To continue working on it (the song already had a spooky/negative sound when i doodled the very first part of it)

that negative place being that I woke up the night before yesterday feeling bad mentally so i started working on the song as a distraction

as it is a lot of the time with my music-making process I didn’t know what the song was about until halfway thru making it. I actually saved a wip of it on my phone and then saw the drawing (which i had already made previously) as the most recent thing in my downloads and it just immediately clicked that that would be the subject of the song

Oh i should actually talk about what the song Is about… well the song is about a hypothetical nightmare that thinker is having. the title “nightmare in dreamland” refers to the fact that he’s having a nightmare in the mindscape/dreamscape (where he lives). Also yea it’s a kirby reference too.

Now onto the actual content and sound of the song… it’s meant to sound very anxiety-inducing! It’s on the major scale and i chose that very purposefully. Typically the major scale is associated with happiness! And i associate the “energy” of anxiety more closely to the energy of happiness than i do sadness (the minor scale)… if that makes sense. Happiness can be something that’s high-energy like anxiety is vs sadness not really being that way in my opinion… Basically this is just why i went for the major scale vs the minor scale, even when it’s not meant to be a positive song

The percussion is the thing meant to be causing the most anxiety. The main beat that’s present throughout almost the entire song is meant to sound like and represent a heartbeat… and Thinker’s heart is obv the focus of the artwork and causing the most distress in his nightmare. Second… tempo changes and pitch changes. Those are like the next “layer” of the anxiety… then it goes to the sound of the instruments themselves. Your personal order of what makes you the most anxious might be different obviously but that’s how it was intended/how i feel it

idk what else to say about it actually… I had a thought to put pink fluid coming out of thinker’s mouth in the artwork to give more meaning to the “pink flavor” description but i forgot… kinda wish i’d remembered

What I don’t like: the TIMINGGGG on the visuals is off. It’s bugging me so bad. It was perfect in the program but exporting the file and uploading it to youtube ruined it for some reason. It takes some of the impact away and it really bugs me. Also the transition at 1:30 feels a little out of place/abrupt… it feels like there maybe needed to be another section in between to lead up to it more gradually. Also i forgot about pink flavor

What I like: everything aside from that? I really like this song. I’ve had it stuck in my head multiple times already. I feel like I captured the vibe I was going for really well. also even with the off timing the moment at the end of the song where thinker looks at you hits different and makes me stim because of how cool it feels and looks so there’s that. The “what i don’t like” section is long but rest assured the length of that doesn’t equal me hating it because i really love this song

#music commentary

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newmusickarl · 1 year

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youtube

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – Episode 2 out now!

The February edition of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast is now live, in which myself, 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt, Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen and Blinded by The Floodlights’ Matthew McLister review five high profile album releases from February, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

This month, the five albums we cover are:

Desire, I Want to Turn Into You by Caroline Polachek

Lonely Hearts Killers by Nile Marr

This Is Why by Paramore

Food For Worms by Shame

Heavy Heavy by Young Fathers

If you want to listen to the new episode simply follow the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the February 2023 episode here

Album & EP Recommendations

UGLY by Slowthai

The evolution of Tyron Frampton, aka Slowthai, in such a short space of time, has been nothing short of fascinating to witness.

First came his 2019 Mercury Prize-nominated debut Nothing Great About Britain, which was rough and raw at times but also full of this visceral energy that captivated audiences and helped to make him an immediate grime/punk crossover star. However, his career was almost derailed as soon as it had taken off, as a much-publicised interaction with Katherine Ryan at the 2020 NME Awards, in which he made sexualised comments towards her, brought about some very intense but also well-earned backlash for his actions. After making his public apologies and doing some much needed soul searching, he returned in 2021 with his excellent sophomore outing TYRON – an impressive 35-minute double album that showed greater artistic, as well as personal, maturity.

So here we are then just four years on from his big breakout moment and Slowthai has already had what feels like an entire career’s worth of ups and downs. The result of that is that you feel like the pressure cooker has been removed from around Slowthai’s work, making this third album without a doubt his best and most artistically liberated to date.

Opener Yum straps the listener in to the hot seat straight away, with ‘Thai repeating the words “I’ve been lacking motivation, I need an intervention” over an increasingly menacing and anxiety inducing beat. He then starts to describe conversations with his therapist and his drug-fuelled coping mechanisms, as the swirling electronics, distorted vocals and heavy breathing transport you directly into the melting pot of his erratic, troubled psyche. The production from Dan Carey is absolutely mind-blowing, as it ends with ‘Thai repeating the words “Excuse me while I self-destruct, ‘cause I don’t give a fuck” over sharp, harsh synths. It’s an absolutely phenomenal opener, with the intensity and experimental production drawing shades to Yeezus-era Kanye, Igor-era Tyler and Atrocity Exhibition-era Danny Brown all at the same time.

This almost suffocating production continues on recent single Selfish, which remains one of ‘Thai’s strongest tracks to date. Again, the combination of Carey and ‘Thai is awe-inspiring to hear, with a vortex of synths, drums and guitars surrounding Thai as he sings “And we got what we deserve, somehow we never learn – wastin’ lives out on the curb, while we all search for somethin’” It’s simply brilliant.

The high points just keep coming from there with the fantastic Jamie T-inspired tracks Sooner and single Feel Good, before the rhythmic blues of urban love story Never Again. The middle section of the album then brings the album’s two centrepieces, with HAPPY in particular an absolute tour de force. Riding a melancholic central guitar line, ‘Thai confronts his depression head on and sings of how he “would give everything for a smile.” The production is once again stellar, with the song erupting into a full-blown anthem towards the back end as the guitars take flight. Title track UGLY then follows, which is a glorious symphony of grunge as ‘Thai talks about the hideous nature of humanity and today’s world. Again, it’s just a staggering work.

The grunge continues on Falling, with ‘Thai proper flexing his vocal chops as his angsty, pained screams echo and reverberate amidst a spacey, atmospheric backdrop. After the punky Wotz Funny, beauty and ugliness then exquisitely collide on penultimate track Tourniquet, as ‘Thai’s stark vocals bruise the gentle piano and string-tinged instrumentation as he talks metaphorically of hacking away his broken pieces akin to Aaron Rolston in 127 Hours. Acoustic closer 25% Club then brings the album in for a safe landing, ending this rollercoaster journey with a song that is a polar contrast to the opener.

As you can probably tell I’m a huge fan of this record, with Slowthai really coming into his own thanks to a magical partnership with Dan Carey and a host of other great collaborators behind the scenes who help both amplify and finesse his vision. With inspiration from bands like Nirvana and Radiohead also coming through loud and clear too, this has very quickly become one of my favourite albums of the 2023 so far. A big step forward for Slowthai and an absolute must listen!

Listen here

UK Grim by Sleaford Mods

From grime/punk to post-punk now, as scene veterans Sleaford Mods have returned with their urgent new album, UK Grim. The duo of beat maestro Andrew Fearn and fire-spitting wordsmith Jason Williamson hit new heights on their previous outing Spare Ribs, which mixed first-class collaborations and some lockdown-inspired hot takes for arguably their sharpest and best collection of songs to date. Without reinventing the wheel, the duo build on that winning formula on UK Grim with another effort that ranks well within the top half of their stacked discography.

The title track and lead single remains both immediate and infectious, with Jason Williamson taking no prisoners as he unleashes his sardonic fury on the current state of Tory Britain on this aggressive, electro-driven opener. DIwhy is then a spiritual sequel to Spare Ribs’ hit Nudge It, but this time around Williamson points his finger and razor-sharp tongue at posers within the post-punk scene itself, with quite frankly hilarious results. Force 10 From Navarone remains my favourite Fearn beat on the whole record, as the duo team up with Dry Cleaning’s Florence Shaw for a song that takes place within Jason Williamson’s own inner monologue. Battling feelings of cherophobia and questioning a passive UK public controlled by a corrupt government, it’s the Mods at their most urgent and brilliant best.

Whilst there may be a couple of moments where it feels like the pair are treading over well-trodden ground at this point, these are more than counteracted by some of the record’s highpoints. On The Ground for example may be their poppiest track ever and easily my favourite here, with a super catchy beat and instant refrain of “they’re on the ground and they’re gonna check you.” By contrast Smash Each Other Up sees Williamson look in complete despair at the current state of the country, as Andrew floats a minimalist and mournful electronic beat in the background. Jane Addiction’s own Peter Farrell then turns up for recent single and the album’s most pure punk moment, So Trendy, which comes over slightly irritating at first, but you’ll soon find yourself singing along.

Despite all these great moments, the duo still manage to save two of the album’s strongest moments for last. Tory Kong swings in on a vine made from a rumbling jungle beat, before closer Rhythms of Class marks one of the duo’s very best songs to date. A well-crafted but brutally bleak look at the reality that Britain now shares many of the same social and political problems of the countries the British public can often vilify, it’s a fittingly poignant end.

Overall this is another strong outing from Nottingham’s finest, with Andrew and Jason building on the groundwork they laid in Spare Ribs for another provocative, frequently incendiary yet occasionally funny and oddly catchy, dismantling of (Not So) Great Britain.

Listen here

Radical Romantics by Fever Ray

Elsewhere, Swedish electro pioneer Karin Dreijer aka Fever Ray released their third solo album and their first batch of new music in six years. Other than featuring the most strikingly bizarre album artwork of the year thus far, Radical Romantics is also quite a blissful and dreamy listen with Dreijer pulling together a frequently fascinating collection of synth-pop induced love songs. At just 10 tracks it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome either, with songs like What They Call Us, Shiver, Kandy and Carbon Dioxide as colourful and enjoyable as any they have made previously.

That said though, you might want to leave before final track Bottom of the Ocean, which sees Dreijer repeating various “oh, oh, oh” sounds for seven minutes over an ominous soundscape. One track that promises to go somewhere but just ends up sinking like the title suggests.

Listen here

Life In Miniature (Extended Edition) by Low Island

One of my Top 10 albums of 2022, the second album from Low Island was nothing short of majestic. As the name Life In Miniature suggests, it was a snapshot of the last two years in which frontman Carlos Posada seemed to encounter all of life’s blessings and curses during one quite intense period. From love and loss to happiness and grief, to sad endings and new beginnings, Low Island gifted listeners a beautiful tapestry of treasured memories that, although personal, impactfully resonate out of the audio through lyrical gut-punches and life-affirming sonic uplifts.

If you missed this gem of an album last year then there really hasn’t been a better time to listen, as now to coincide with the end of their recent UK tour, the band have released a new extended edition featuring three previously unreleased album offcuts. It Holds And It Holds is another soulfully cool slice of electropop, whilst Give Me Something To Love is a stunning bare bones acoustic track. My pick of the three however is Second Skin which captures perfectly what this band do best – danceable grooves with a palpable emotional heart.

Listen here

After Hours (Live At SoFi Stadium) by The Weeknd

There are few albums if any that I’ve played more than After Hours and Dawn FM by The Weeknd over the last couple of years. And for two years I held on to my Weeknd tickets for his London show, hoping I would eventually get to hear the songs live after the lockdowns finally came to an end. Although they did end, the bad news was that Abel’s star status had only grown in that time. This resulted in him cancelling his arena tour and upgrading to stadiums, with tickets going from the fairly reasonable £70 I paid initially to the £300 that Ticketmaster’s obscene surge pricing policy decided that’s what people should pay. As much as I love The Weeknd’s music and am desperate to catch his live show again, that is simply not a price I am willing to pay to see any single artist – maybe next time!

Thankfully to ease the blow somewhat, Abel has released this incredible new live album to accompany the HBO Special filmed at his recent stadium show in Los Angeles. Across the breathtaking (pun intended) 31 song setlist, Abel delivers hit after hit, as his vocal performances and superb live band production frequently get the hairs on your neck standing on end. Whilst it may be further evidence of just what a special popstar The Weeknd is, it’s also a shame that I can’t catch the show in person. The end of Live Nation’s monopoly and Ticketmaster’s ridiculous surge pricing really can’t come soon enough!

Listen here

From Nothing To A Little Bit More by The Lathums

“Before the pandemic The Lathums were on the road to nowhere. Then The Charlatans frontman Tim Burgess heard a recording of early single ‘The Great Escape’ and invited them to play a set at Kendal Calling. The rest, as they say, is history. After a couple of years building a passionate fanbase, they’d play the first non-socially distanced post lockdown gig in Liverpool. Six months after that The Lathums struck gold with the small matter of a UK number one album.

So after being in the whirlwind of prosperity in 2021, the storm has settled. 18 months after their debut they’ve returned with From Nothing To A little Bit More: a less immediate effort but one worthy of the time and effort required to leave an impact.

From Nothing To A Little Bit More is a solid return from The Lathums: darker, rawer and more accomplished, albeit without the same high points of their debut. Alex Moore portrays himself as a sensitive soul and the empathy you feel towards him is the album’s main strength. Especially as, like before, the tunes are heart-warming and infectious - the boys from Wigan discover a darker route mixed with moments of light. This is all done without losing the everyman appeal which drew so many to them in the first place.”

Read Matt McLister’s full review here

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Sunrise Bang Ur Head Against The Wall EP by Nia Archives, The Valley of Vision EP by Manchester Orchestra, Brothers & Sisters by Steve Mason, Tear Me to Pieces by Story of the Year

Tracks of the Week

Lean Beef Patty by JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown

The rumours of a collaboration album between hip hop superstars JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown has seemingly been around for years now, but it seems like the long-anticipated release is finally nearing its arrival. Whilst still no release date has been announced yet, we do have the first single which is a sub 2-minute hurricane of hard electronic blasts and lyrical wizardry.

Listen here

Sole Obsession by Nation of Language

One of the best new bands to debut during the lockdown years, new wave duo Nation of Language have quickly earned themselves a cult following off the back of their incredible first two records, Introduction Presence and A Way Forward. Now it appears a new era is on the horizon, with their dazzling new single Sole Obsession a prime example of why people simply can’t get enough of this band.

Listen here

Cello Song by Fontaines D.C.

The legacy of renowned singer-songwriter Nick Drake continues to live on, with a new compilation album in the works featuring covers of his most favourite songs from an enticing artist list that includes Bombay Bicycle Club, Let’s Eat Grandma, Radiohead’s Philip Selway, Feist and more. The first cover from the album to be released though is this brilliant take from Fontaines D.C. of Drake’s iconic Cello Song, with that band managing to pay homage whilst also making it their own.

Listen here

Everytime by Cub Sport

And finally this week, one of my favourite films of all time (for reasons I can’t completely pinpoint myself) is Harmony Korine’s surreal, arthouse summer flick, Spring Breakers.

From the vibrancy of the cinematography to the intoxicating Cliff Martinez soundtrack, to just the sheer hallucinogenic hedonism of it all, I just love everything about it. One thing in particular it does so well is the contradictory marriage between beauty and the beast that lies at the heart of the film, which is captured in no better instance than one certain iconic scene. In this magical moment, James Franco’s Alien plays Britney Spears’ Everytime on the piano, whilst the four girls waltz around him wearing Neon Ski Masks and carrying their shotguns, as montage footage of their dangerous escapades are intertwined. Surreal, completely nuts, but also oddly beautiful.

Now I’m not sure if that scene entered the brains of Aussie synth-pop outfit Cub Sport when they decided to cover this Britney classic, but the vocoder vocals and dazed electronica of this dreamy version of the song took me right back to that cinematic masterpiece. Check out the cover, then check out the film if you’ve never seen it - but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Messed Up by Holy Holy featuring Kwame, Line In The Sand by Hot Chip, Brian Eno & Goddess, CooCool by Roisin Murphy, Bloodshot by Enter Shikari, Ache by The Xcerts featuring Sam Carter

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2023 tracks through my Best of 2023 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the playlist to your library here

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mechanicalinertia · 2 years

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STMPD Recommends Bubblegum Crisis Fanfiction: Hakluyt's Most Of The Way To The Moon

Those of you who browse the BGC archive of Fanfiction.net may have noticed a fanfiction titled Lookin' At Tomorrow, executed by the same guy who did that more recent self-insert I 'raked over the coals' awhile back, and you may have noticed that the guy (name ain't Jacob Martin, IDK what it is) credits me for ideas and whatnot. Well, it's true, I have gone on long VC's with the author and have even outright written excerpts for him. What can I say? I think we've got some good ideas in there. Either way I'm too close to the project to review it properly. So instead we're going to review a BGC fanfic that came out but days ago on AO3 of all places, where I'd long since given up seeing anything that was real BGC fic (Jim Robert Bader, who wrote a bunch of Ranma fanfic that occasionally tangentially hits up BGC, will have stuff tagged there that I care nothing about).

Zip up your face, 'cause space is the place, it's time to talk about Most of the Way to the Moon.

This is a complete fic, a finish-it-in-one-go 24K-words adventure supposed to take place after OVA 6, made partially, I think, as a salve to what the author (and Priss) call 'bury your gays', and which I called the 'fridging' of Sylvie and Anri (look it up). I don't blame them, I've long held that were I to reboot the series I'd at least save Sylvie from the DD's cockpit and do something with her in the way most BGC fanfics don't, because her ambiguously human status makes her more interesting alive than dead. Whatever.

Point is, the fic's setup is fairly simple: Kaufmann, Sylvie's old master, still has his job. Still has a harem / brothel of Sexaroids up in orbit. And lo and behold, Kate Madigan comes to the Sabers and asks them to publicize his 'black book' as a shit-disturbing tactic. It'll get rid of some of her rivals, and also it's the right thing to do, she figures. (Madigan's wonderfully morally ambiguous here, actually.)

So there's some discussion about whether or not the Sexaroids will understand freedom when they see it - if they can grow beyond their programming and whatnot - and then the other half of the fic is one big mission into space. Cargo tug by way of linear accelerator, spacewalk onto the station, and it's all suitably tense, since the Sabers have to work with jury-rigged magboots and sealing and air tanks and whatnot, and then they fight some Dobermans (Dobermen?) and go home with some liberated Sexaroids in tow.

It's... good. It's really, really good. It's not a Seminal Great Masterpiece the way, say, Dance of Armor is, but the fact that we're still getting BGC fanfic this late in the fandom's afterlife, and that it's actually good (despite having the hurt/comfort tag, which is always a bit of a red flag for me), and that it isn't smut (the one scene there is just fades to black) all makes me happy in a way I can't quite describe.

Now I just need to start writing BGC fic again...

#stmpd reviews bgc fanfic #bubblegum crisis #bgc #fanfiction #fanfic rec

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worldofbryant · 2 years

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January 9, 2017

Yesterday! What can I say...filled with with a bunch of emotion! So, I show mom what a pulmonary embolism looks like( she said yuck) then I show her a video of what the effects are of when people stop smoking....that's where she went off! She sang the old song of, ' I quit drinking, be glad I'm not doing drugs'. Between drinking and smoking I'd rather for her to be doing neither. The 'be glad I quit drinking' came from when I started gripping my chest and mom tells me that I need to go to the doctor. What does Corey do? Corey signed up for medical coverage so he can go to the doctor to see what's causing the pain in his chest! My respect for my mother is that that deep(yes I said it) to get something checked out because she is concerned about my health! If I'm approved state medical insurance(because I don't make a lot a month), I'm taking my ass to the doctor! Then the other arguing was about if I didn't like how she acts then put her in the nursing home. Well mother!, if you can remember( which I know you're able to), you know that I've been consistent for over half of my life when I say, that you'll never go into a nursing home. I'm not going to see her go into a nursing home but, I refuse to stress myself out for anyone who is beyond helping. Mom had the audacity to say too, ' if I help more around here(meaning paying half of rent) that she'll quit smoking'. Let's approach a few of these at a time: if I did help pay half of the rent, mom you'd still be an inconsiderate, whining ass brat; if I didn't get groceries every other week and do laundry weekly, you wouldn't have enough food to last you and clean clothes(when you decide to bathe). Then the subject of Joe and Julie asking to borrow money recently(I regret telling mom that Joe asked to borrow to help pay his cell bill) and mom claims that I never got paid back. See mom, that's where Penelope was right...your memory isn't as sharp as it is/should be! I had to tell mom that I did get paid back and mom came back with the infantile response of, 'that's not what I was told'. Again Stella...I...got...paid...back...from...Joe & Julie! This time before Joe asking for help for his cell bill, I was asked for help cause one of the girls had hand foot mouth disease(I didn't have the money at the time). Mom also said too during her tirade that she's never going to ask me for anything...ever again even if I leave before her to Missouri. I know if I go there, she won't be going cause she'll die here at wooden Indian. We'll see how long it is before she fucks up and asks for something from me. If its within reason, of course I'll do it...if I have the money. If Gwen and Pete doesn't move back up here, when I leave for Hannibal, I'm taking Jackie cause mom, you wouldn't be able to provide for her. Onto another note, Melissa Manning sends me a message on Facebook asking was we ever boyfriend/girlfriend? I told her that we never discussed a title when we fooled around(I was seeing Melissa while talking to Mary Woosley before things got 'serious' between myself and Mary). Melissa said that she was upset because we wasn't an item. Here's what I don't get! Since you're married Melissa, you shouldn't be concerned about a title between us a few years back(Melissa also asked how long have we known each other too). Come to find out, Melissa Manning was asking this when Lindsey Ross joked around about me dating her. So, Melissa messages Lindsey and tell her that I used to be her(Melissa) ex. Naw, Melissa, I was never your ex and we never dated! All we did was have sex! I didn't want anything serious then but, knowing what I went through with Mary Woosley, I might have considered something serious with you. Be happy with your marriage with Pete Manning and hopefully you and him have a happy life together. What I might do is talk to mom or write her a letter apologizing for yesterday(even though I wasn't wrong in anything I said) to make her feel better. So don't like having an argument with my mom but, people who gets mad when someone says something to them that they don't like, the other person is telling the truth! Daphne got her Christmas ribbon candy. Its about time you told me child of mine lol!

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storiesforallfandoms · 2 years

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stop disrespecting my partner ~ pete davidson

word count: 1897

request?: yes!

“Can you write a genderfluid fic she/they where Pete Davidson and his friends comfort the reader after the media constantly misgenders them? Also can you have it end with Pete and the reader going back home and cuddling.”

description: it’s not hard to respect someone’s pronouns, but it seems like the media has a hard time doing it for his partner, which greatly pisses him off

pairing: pete davidson x genderfluid!reader

warnings: swearing, misgendering

masterlist (one, two)

It’s not that hard to respect someone’s pronouns and gender. It’s not hard to fact check before you publish an article, just to make sure you’re using the right pronouns and not disrespecting someone. A quick Google search, it would take all of maybe ten minutes.

But I guess whoever writes these tabloid articles don’t have the time for a quick Google search, no matter how many times I’ve publicly stated that my pronouns are she/they and that I’m genderfluid.

The first time it happened was after Pete and I were spotted out together for the first time. A paparazzi saw us out on a date and took some pictures, which ended up all over the Internet mere seconds later. The original site that posted them had titled their article, “Pete Davidson spotted with new girlfriend! Check out their adorable breakfast date here!”. Somehow, within that short amount of time, the website had been able to find out my name and spread it throughout the article alongside words such as “she”, “her”, and “girlfriend”.

Pete and I weren’t upset. We figured we’d be going public about our relationship soon enough. I took to my Twitter, which had blown up since the pictures and articles were posted, to share one of the articles and added, “Just a heads up for future journalists, I’m genderfluid and go by she/they. Pete refers to me as his “partner”, not girlfriend. Flattered by the sudden popularity though :)”.

I figured that would set things straight. Of course I didn’t care when people called me “she” or “her”, but I did want to encourage anyone and everyone to also call me “they” and “them”, and preferred to correct the title Pete used for me.

Fast forward a few months and another article was published about Pete and I. This one was after Pete had mentioned me in his most recent interview, where he (in the words of the article’s author) gushed about our relationship and how happy he was to be with me. I would’ve been excited for the article, maybe I would’ve even felt a little excited and fuzzy, if it wasn’t for the headline.

“Pete Davidson gushes about girlfriend, (Y/N), during his appearance on The Late Show”.

The word stared back at me, yet another challenge by another ignorant journalist.

“Girlfriend”.

It was funny cause the quote they used in the article from Pete directly referred to me as “my partner”, and even the host of the talk show had referred to me as such. It was just an intentional misgendering for no reason, just like the rest of the articles written about us.

It was becoming hard to ever go online. Every time something was posted about me, I’d have to see yet another post that included me being misgendered, which just fueled the fire of those who liked to hate on me just because I was dating Pete. It was getting to be mentally draining and I really just didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Acting on impulse after seeing that article, I deleted all my social media accounts without a second thought. I threw my phone onto the bed next to me and decided to get lost in a new series on Netflix in order to keep my mind off of everything.

I was three episodes deep when my phone rang. I was so invested that I didn’t even look at my caller ID as I answered. “Hello?”

“Hey,” came Pete’s voice.

I smiled to myself and paused the show. “Hey babe. How’s it going?”

“Oh you know, same shit, different day. Got another talk show tonight.”

“Guess I’m staying up all night to watch it again.”

He chuckled. “Listen, it’s probably not a big deal or anything, but why did you delete your social media?”

I cringed to myself. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice since he wasn’t on social media either, but someone must’ve told him. Or it was all over the celebrity news already that I had deleted my accounts.

“I figured I’d distance myself from social media for a while. For my mental health,” I explained. “The same way you did.”

“For the same reason I did?”

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “Maybe.”

“Honey, you don’t have to tell me, but you do know I’m here for you no matter what, right?”

“I know you are.” I laid back on the couch and sighed again, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’m just tired of seeing people misgender me. The tabloids do it all the time whenever they write about me, and it’s just encouraging people who don’t like me to purposely do it knowing I’ll see it. I’m just over it. I want to get as far away from that shit as I possibly can.”

Pete was quiet for a minute. I wished I could be with him to see what his reaction was. I knew he was very protective over me, especially on this topic, but I didn’t want him getting too upset on my behalf. This was my shit, I should be the one to deal with it.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that,” he finally said.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault. People are just ignorant and shitty. There’s not much I can do besides ignoring it, which is why I deleted social media.”

There was a voice on the other end before Pete said, “Sorry babe, I gotta go get ready for the interview. Are you gonna watch?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I’ll watch.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have even asked.” I could hear the smile on his face and couldn’t help but smile back. “I love you. Call you tomorrow.”

“I love you, too.”

~~~~~~

I was half asleep when the alarm I set to remind me about Pete’s interview went off, startling me back to consciousness. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and switched to the channel that was playing the talk show. Pete wouldn’t be on it for a while, so I took this as my opportunity to get a glass of water and a snack while the intro stuff played.

When he finally came out, he was all smiles and waving to the cheering audience. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a blazer over it; classic Pete fashion, but he still looked adorable none the less.

He sat down across from the host, who thanked him for being on the show.

“Thanks for having me, man,” Pete responded.

They went on to talk about Pete’s newest project, showing a clip from the movie before going on to talk about it for a while. He talked about SNL and how he was excited to get back to working on that, even though he was equally as excited to be working on his own solo projects. The crowd cheered when he teased a potential new stand up special, which was totally in the works but he couldn’t talk about it yet.

“I won’t spend half the set joking about my ex-fiancée this time,” he joked. “I’m actually in a happy, long lasting relationship.”

“Good for you, man. You seem really happy with (Y/N),” the host said.

“I am,” Pete said with a wide smile. The smile slowly fell, however, as he added, “But I’m not too happy with the people who write about them, or us.”

The host’s eyebrows furrowed together. “What do you mean?”

Pete sighed and shifted in his seat. “Well you see, before I came out here, it was brought to my attention that an article was written about me from the last late night show I was on when I talked about (Y/N), and the author of that article decided to misgender (Y/N), and to seemingly use the wrong terminology about them on purpose.”

I had my glass of water half raised to my lips and froze at the mention of me. I put my glass down and moved to sit at the very edge of my seat, my eyes glued to the screen as if I were watching the most important thing in my entire life.

“I’ve talked about it before, and they have too on their Twitter, but (Y/N) is genderfluid,” Pete explained. “Usually goes by she/they pronouns, which means that when talking about them you can use “she” and “her”, but sometimes they prefer “they” and “them”, which is what I usually call them. And they prefer the term “partner” over “girlfriend”, so I call them my partner.”

“Yeah, makes sense,” the host said, gesturing for Pete to continue.

“In the time that the two of us have been together, every time there’s an article written or paparazzi photos taken, they misgender (Y/N). They use she/her pronouns and they constantly call her my girlfriend, despite the times both of us have spoken out about it. And now it’s gotten so bad that (Y/N) deleted their social media accounts today because it was getting to them mentally. So, I just wanna say, here on national TV, that anyone who thinks it’s okay to purposely misgender my partner and not respect their wishes is disrespectful as hell and an absolute asshole, and I hope you lose your jobs because if you can’t even respect someone’s pronouns you don’t deserve to have a writing job.”

The crowd started cheering for Pete as the host clapped as well and told him his speech was incredible. I zoned out the rest of the interview as I just thought about what Pete had said. I was so shocked I didn’t even notice that they had moved on from his segment into something else.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Pete’s number. It rang a few times before he answered with a groggy, “Hello?”

“Oh shit,” I said. “I forgot about time differences, did I wake you?”

“No,” he said. “Well, you did, but it’s not late here or anything. I was just feeling tired so I decided to try and nap. What’s up? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just...I was just watching your interview.”

“Oh.” He sounded more awake now. “Are you...you’re not upset with me, right?”

“Oh my God, no! Of course not! What you said in that interview was honestly the most amazing thing anyone has done for me.”

He chuckled a little. “It can’t have been that amazing.”

“You’d be surprised. Not everyone I’ve dated has been as understanding with my gender identity as you are. Most the people I’ve been with would prefer to call me she/her and call me their girlfriend even if I wasn’t comfortable with that, and others just didn’t really understand all that much.”

“See, that’s just shitty. You don’t deserve people like that in your life.”

“I know,” I said, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “They’re not in my life anymore. You are.”

I could hear his smile as he responded, “That’s true, and I’m forever grateful that you’re mine.”

“Come home soon, will you? I really miss you. The bed is too empty when I’m alone.”

“I promise I’ll be home as soon as possible.”

“I love you, you know.”

“I know, and I love you too.”

#Pete Davidson #pete davidson imagine #pete davidson x reader #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #grisha #Grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #shadow and bone netflix

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taylors-fourth-cat-meow · 2 years

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Hi, it's my first time writing on this blog, you're doing heavens work btw, but I'll get straight to the point, I read the ACOTAR series a few years ago, and have not given it a second-read since, however, recently scrolling through social media I came across this abomination:

(Ugh...)

...

"'I think part of the reason I love Rhys and Feyre so much is that Rhys is the only person to TRULY appreciate and respect Feyre in the series. For her entire life Feyre was emotionally beaten into believing that she was lesser than, and Rhys is the first person who encourages her to demand respect from others, whether it be Tamlin, the warlords, or her sisters (who were the root cause of the problem).

In summary; Rhys builds Feyre up when everyone else seems hellbent on tearing her down and I will NOT accept criticism of his or her actions that stem from not allowing others to blatantly attempt to push her back into the girl they abused.'"

...

Excuse me… what the ****?! Not that she didn't deal with forms of abuse but what the hell. This really needs to get analyzed, because since when? Thank you for your time, have a good day.

Hi anon!!

Tysm for your kind words.

And you're right these feysand shippers are a hot mess. And their hot takes like these tell you soo much about the kind of message sjm is propagating.

"I think part of the reason I love Rhys and Feyre so much is that Rhys is the only person to TRULY appreciate and respect Feyre in the series.

I'm srry but how exactly is Rhysie sexually assaulting and drugging Feyre, robbing her or her agency, twisting her bones to force her into entering a binding bargain with him, making her wear skimpy clothing, forcing her to give lap dances all without her permission (or in some cases conscious thought) him TRULY respecting her? Like tf? Is him not telling her about the complications of her pregnancy him respecting her? I hate to break it to u but it's not. It's fcking abuse.

For her entire life Feyre was emotionally beaten into believing that she was lesser than,

Okayy now this is just untrue? You tell me, does feyre seem like the kind of person who believe she is lesser than anyone? She is most self centred character I have ever come across. It's always about her. About her trauma. Tarquin can't understand her "darkness" because her trauma is more. Tamlin is wrong for not helping her through her trauma. That's abuse but her doing the exact same this is ok. Nesta struggling with ptsd is wrong because she is embarassing Feyre. Plssss okayy even in the first chapters of Acotar, she is insufferable. Smug about the fact that her family would starve without her. How in god's name is that a person thinking she is less than her family? Feyre always believes she is superior to everyone? Remember when Vassa, a real queen interacts with Feyre and Feyre says "she can't talk to me like that cause she is forgetting I was a queen too, in my own right" oh and the time she goes like I won't bow to Thesan? In the high lords meeting? So...like this analysis is just wrong...on so many levels.

and Rhys is the first person who encourages her to demand respect from others,

Okay first off, ya can't demand respect. U gotta earn it. Which tbh Feyre did when she freed the ppl of Spring Court but she wasn't happy even then. She didn't like them respecting her and not letting her do any work cause she was a fcking messiah to them. Secondly, Rhysie didn't "encourage" feyre. He fcking handed her titles then went about threating everyone who didn't wish to bow to a fcking child.

See, these ignorant "hot takes" arise because of the Sjm manipulation. You see how all stans think that when the world absues their queen Feyre Rhysand saves her. (Also, can I just point the irony and say that this...is supposed to be a feminist series...) But... Whose gonna save her from Rhysand? Rhysand is also actively abusing Feyre. Acosf was just further proof. That's the root cause of the problem. Rhysand is abusive. But the stans will never except that. If they truly did stan feyre and not Rhysie's dick, me thinks they wud want her as far away from him as possible tbh.

#anti sjm #anti acotar #anon asks #anti feyre #anti feysand #anti rhysand

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jikookiekosmos · 3 years

Text

When I Dream of You || jjk

➥Pairing: best friend!jungkook/reader, husband!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: Jungkook always imagined being with you was like a dream come true, and after years of pining he can finally say it’s all he could have ever hoped for and more. But what happens now when Jungkook’s dreams about you no longer have a happy ending?

➥Genre: established relationship, (somewhat?) heavy angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort

➥Rating: 18+

➥Words: ~6.2k (little much for a drabble i know, sorry)

➥Content warnings: story mostly told from jungkook’s POV, jungkook has a nightmare, feelings of insecurity and anxiety, mentions of harassment (not much), yoongi to the rescue (seriously he’s the voice of reason i love him), making out, grinding, slight hair pulling, riding on top, reader is in control (and jk is happy about it), unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex), cumming inside, cute times in the shower, jungkook is actually the sweetest, reader and jk are so in love with each other it hurts, also jk saying ‘only for you’ is a thing i started and can’t stop now oops

A/N: hello! This is part of my Only for You (OFY) Drabble series, but it can be read as a stand-alone! Their relationship will make a lot more sense though if you’ve read OFY beforehand. This fic takes place roughly around a year after the events of OFY. (I also mentioned this in the post for OFY but for those who haven’t read it, the Kun in the story isn’t referring to any other irl person specifically, it was just a name I chose to make the initial story easier to write.)

As always, thank you to @dntaewithluv for being so supportive of me and motivating me to keep writing when there are times I feel like I shouldn’t. And for also being my beta-reader and just generally an amazing person, one of the best friends I could ever ask for.

I’ve written a few other drabbles and will list them below, along with a general timeline:

Use My Best Colors For Your Portrait - ~6 months after OFY

Stay With Me - a few months after this dream drabble

I know this is the most angsty thing I’ve written so far (update: Stay With Me now holds this title), but I got attached to these characters and wanted to tell more of their story so here we are. I basically wrote this all in one sitting because I’ve had this idea in my head for a little while and I was excited to get it out. I hope that if you read this, you enjoy it~

➥OFY Spotify Playlist (songs I listened to for inspo)

➥Series Masterlist

➥All Works Masterlist

taglist: @inlovewiththemoonn

⊱──────── ✬ ✬ ✬ ────────⊰

Jungkook was dreaming again.

It was a dream he’d had many times now, and it always started the same way. He watched as you appeared in the doorway of the chapel, ready to make your trek down the aisle.

You looked dazzling in your dress, and through the thin veil that covered your face, Jungkook could see the brilliant smile you wore, which caused him to break out into one of his own. Each step that brought you closer to him made his heart race faster, and it didn’t take long for you to finally be in front of him.

Well…somewhat in front of him.

He could only watch as at the last second, you turned slightly and were now standing in front of Kun, the man you were originally meant to marry. Jungkook’s stomach twisted with fear as he observed Kun lift your veil over your head and take your hands in his as you both stared into each other’s eyes. You, looking at Kun with all the love in the world, because that’s just how you were. And Kun, looking back at you, with a sinister expression that made Jungkook feel dizzy.

He opened his mouth to object, to speak, to do something but no sound would come out. Everyone around him that had gathered to see you get married were either oblivious to Jungkook’s obvious distress, or they just didn’t care.

They weren’t here for him, after all. They were here for you, in the same way that he was here for you, too.

When his legs could finally move without crumpling underneath him, he walked over to stand next to you and Kun as he tried to reach out to you. He couldn’t touch you, though, because it was like there was an invisible wall in between the two of you now. A wall he could still see through but couldn’t reach past. He moved back at the realization, only to be met with something similar hitting his back.

Jungkook whirled around and was met with the same thing, now surrounding him on all sides, trapping him inside some sort of box. A box where he could still see what was happening but couldn’t stop it despite what he did. He felt suffocated.

He was shouting from inside his new prison, banging on the walls, trying to make any sort of sound that would reach you. And he knew you couldn’t hear him; you didn’t spare even one glance his way. But he still had to try. The longer he let this go on, the greater the chance of losing you grew to be.

And the possibility of that, of losing you in any capacity, was something he couldn’t bear to even think about.

Jungkook could hear everything coming from your mouth. The cheerfulness in your voice was usually something he loved to hear under any given circumstance. But in this case, it was threatening to tear him apart. He listened dismally as the two of you started reciting your vows to each other.

And his heart started to break when he heard the words from the letter he’d tried to give you all those years ago. Tears were forming in his vision as he listened to Kun rattle off the words he’d written for you. Words he never got to claim as his own until much later, when it was almost too late.

He could feel his heart shatter at the sight of the breathtaking smile on your face as you two finished your vows, moving now to kiss each other and seal the deal.

He tried once more to call out to you, but any sound he could’ve possibly made would’ve been immediately drowned out by the cheering from everyone around you.

His legs gave out as he knelt down to the floor, helplessly staring at you as you linked your arm with Kun’s to walk back down the aisle as a newly married couple. It took the last bit of his strength to look up as you passed, and you didn’t notice him.

But Kun did.

Kun paused in front of Jungkook, still separated by that invisible wall, and he grinned. It was the kind of grin you’d expect from someone who’s sole purpose in life was to sabotage others’ happiness. Which, ironically enough, is exactly what Kun was now known for.

All Jungkook could do was look on while you left the chapel, followed by the many guests who had gathered for the ceremony. Only when everyone was gone was he able to move about freely, but he opted to remain seated on the floor there instead as the chapel slowly started to fill with darkness once the doors closed.

Jungkook awoke with a start, bolting upright and inhaling a sharp intake of air. He was covered in sweat that dampened his hair and made it stick to his forehead. His breathing was shallow, and it took him a few seconds to remember where he was.

He was at home, in his bed. It was nighttime and sleeping next to him was a figure who’d remained undisturbed by his sudden movement.

He cautiously looked over at your sleeping form. You were turned on your side, facing away from him, breathing peacefully. His eyes softened at the sight and he could feel his heartbeat start to slow down into a pace much less frantic.

He pushed his hair out of his face as he took a deep breath. He knew he should probably wake you, especially since you always told him to do so whenever he had nightmares. Lately, he hadn’t been having any bad dreams, so it had been a while since he last had to rouse you from your slumber.

He reached an arm out, only for it to gently fall by his side. He hated waking you unless it was really important, because he knew you sometimes had trouble sleeping, and this included falling back asleep if something made you wake up during the middle of the night. You’d been especially exhausted lately, what with the new exciting event that had suddenly happened in both of your lives.

Well, exciting wasn’t really the right word. Terrifying fit way better.

After managing to avoid Kun for over an entire year, he somehow turned up at your new place of employment one day, surprising you and frightening you all at the same time. He told the staff at the front desk that he was an ‘old friend, here to congratulate you on your new position.’ And they believed it, so they let him come up to your office unsupervised.

Let’s just say when Jungkook heard about that little ordeal, he was not pleased at all.

Ever since then, Kun had been borderline harassing you, even sometimes going as far as to try and talk to Jungkook during his shifts at the bar. That lasted for all of maybe 2 encounters before Kun found himself banned and unable to return.

You both thought he was out of your life for good after the break-up, but he was proving to be much more of a plague than you or Jungkook initially imagined. So yes, these recent events had maybe been causing Jungkook to have intrusive thoughts once again that translated themselves into the one recurring nightmare he used to have shortly after the two of you got together.

The nightmare of him losing you. You obviously didn’t end up marrying Kun, but you came a lot closer to it than Jungkook liked. And that wasn’t because he’d been pining after you for years; he could’ve dealt with that, if it ended with you being happy. It was more so the reason that your relationship with Kun hadn’t seemed genuine on his end, and Jungkook wanted better for you than that.

Sometimes he wondered if he was the right one to give you what you deserved.

He shook his head to keep more thoughts from seeping in, but he knew sitting here alone in the dark wouldn’t help with that for long. He glanced at the time on his phone. It was 2:08 A.M., so not too late, but most people were usually sleeping at that time.

Nonetheless, Jungkook pulled back the covers and swung his feet over the side of the bed to stand up. He moved as gently as possibly to not risk waking you, but on his way to the bathroom he had to pass by your side of the bed.

Your sleeping face was free of worry, and your lips were slightly parted as you were breathing softly. The sight made Jungkook’s heart thump. He couldn’t help himself when he leaned down to plant a gentle kiss on your forehead.

If you woke up, he’d just tell you he had to use the restroom and try to coax you back to sleep. You looked too cute for him not to kiss you, though, so he deduced it was worth the risk.

He padded off to the bathroom then, only wearing a pair of gym shorts. Every step he took was calculated so he didn’t make much noise, and when he finally made it to the bathroom, he closed the door as quietly as possible, listening to the faint click before he leaned against the sink.

He sighed and fished his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he found the name he was looking for. After dialing the number, he put the phone to his ear, and within 2 rings someone picked up.

“Kook? You ok?”

Jungkook smiled. “Yeah, Yoongs, I’m ok. Just needed to talk to someone, that’s all.”

He heard shuffling from the end of the line and he felt a small pang of guilt at the fact that he may have woken his friend up. But then again, it was Yoongi, and he wasn’t a stranger to being up at this hour.

Yoongi hummed. “Y/N not awake then, huh?”

Jungkook shook his head, despite Yoongi not being able to see him. Yoongi took his silence as confirmation.

“Hm, well you do know I love talking to you, but I am wondering why this time of night?”

Jungkook sighed. Better to get it over with than beat around the bush. “I had a nightmare.”

“Oh no,” he could hear the somberness of Yoongi’s tone. “Is it the same one, or…”

“Same one,” Jungkook answered without hesitation.

“Kook, we’ve been over this-”

“I know,” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “I know. Trust me, I don’t want to keep having this happen either.”

“Can you think of anything that may have triggered it?”

Jungkook tongued his cheek then. The more he thought about it, the only thing he could see as being a potential trigger for these dreams to come flooding back would be Kun’s unwanted reappearance.

While he was still thinking, Yoongi continued.

“Do you think it has anything to do with that asshole showing up again?”

Jungkook smirked. He knew how much disdain Yoongi had for Kun, and for good reason.

“Yeah, it’s exactly that, I’m almost positive.”

It sounded like Yoongi was moving again and Jungkook could just picture him now, sitting up and shaking his head in disappointment, not at Jungkook, but at the situation.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna level with you.”

Jungkook gulped.

“I honestly have no idea why you’re letting someone like that affect you. He’s not worth your time, he’s not worth Y/N’s time, not worth anyone’s time if you ask me. Letting him continue to have this kind of effect on you isn’t healthy.”

Jungkook sighed again, his breath coming out somewhat shaky. “I know, it’s just…it’s hard. It’s really hard, Yoongs. I can’t help but think of how close I came to losing her and fuck it hurts every time I think about it.”

“First of all, you wouldn’t have lost her, and you know that-”

“Yeah but seeing him is a reminder that I came close.”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi’s tone was stern now, and Jungkook immediately stopped talking.

Yoongi took a deep breath. “Like I was saying, you wouldn’t have lost her. You mean too much to her and she means too much to you for either of you to have let that happen. Give her a little more credit, yeah?”

At the mention of you, Jungkook’s lips curved upwards into a smile. He knows you’d never allow anything to take you away from him, outside of maybe some things beyond both of your control. But you certainly would never let someone come in between the friendship you both shared.

A friendship that had developed over several years and had now blossomed into a beautiful, loving partnership.

There it was again: you. Anytime Jungkook thought about you, it always made him happy. He was so in love with you and had been for so many years, so it was sometimes still surreal to him that you two were together now. Your smiling face was all he needed to get him through some days.

But right now the vision of you playing out in his head was the sight of you the night he found you in your house kneeling on the floor after Kun broke your marriage off. You looked so utterly broken, and Jungkook made a promise to himself then and there that he’d do anything in his power to make it so you never felt that way again.

“Kook? You still with me there?”

Yoongi’s voice roused Jungkook out of his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Good. You know I worry about you, kid.”

Jungkook smiled. “I know.”

“This is the first time you’ve had this dream in a while, right?”

Jungkook leaned against the sink again, looking at the tiled floor underneath his feet. “Yeah, it’s been months.”

“Then I want you to do something for me, ok?”

Confused, but intrigued, Jungkook shook his head. “Yeah, sure.”

“I want you to take a look at your left hand.”

Jungkook did as he was told, splaying his fingers out in front of him.

“Now tell me what you see?”

Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at his gold wedding band as it glistened faintly in the light of the room.

“My wedding ring,” he answered softly.

“Exactly. Your wedding ring. It belongs to you. And it means you’re the one who’s married to her. Not him, not anyone else, but you.”

Jungkook could see exactly where Yoongi was going with this, and the thought made him almost tear up. Yoongi knew exactly what to say and when to say it whenever Jungkook needed reassurance about something, and this was one of those times.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna tell you this, and it’s something I want you to remember. Y/N loves you. She loves you so much. My God, sometimes it’s hard to look at you two because you’re always so lovey dovey like-”

Jungkook laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

He could imagine Yoongi smiling on the other end. “Good. I think as long as you remember that, you’ll be ok. It’d probably still help to talk to her, though. You know how upset she’d be if she knew you were suffering in silence about your dreams again.”

Jungkook shakily inhaled, his grip on the sink behind him tightening. “I know. I’ll talk to her, probably in the morning since she’s still asleep-”

Jungkook cut himself off when he heard the soft sound of you calling his name. “Yoongs, I gotta go, thank you for answering and for everything else.”

Yoongi chuckled. “Anytime. Night, Kook.”

Jungkook hung up the phone and peered from behind the bathroom door. He saw you sitting up in the bed now, rubbing your eyes before you stretched. He was so fond of you, the sight made his heart swell.

He also noticed how the t-shirt you were wearing had ridden up some during your stretch and he could see the exposed skin of your thighs now now. He even thought that something as simple as you wearing a t-shirt was breathtaking. And when it was one of his t-shirts, like it was now – on some days it was enough to drive him crazy.

Now wasn’t the time for that though. He watched lovingly as you focused your eyes on him and smiled. He wasted no time getting back in the bed with you, seated with one leg crossed under him, his hand coming down to rest on top of your own.

“Hey,” you greeted him with a lazy kiss. Jungkook melted into the kiss when you deepened it, because after everything he just went through, any touch from you now was igniting all his feelings for you.

All of them, which is why he pulled back to rest his forehead against yours.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, nuzzling his nose against yours before pulling away to look at you. He could tell you were still sleepy, but you wouldn’t attempt to go back to sleep without talking first. Especially since he knew you could tell something might be off.

Your brows furrowed. “Koo? What’s wrong?”

Jungkook took a deep breath, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I had another nightmare.”

The immediate look of concern on your face made his heart lurch, and not in a pleasant way. “Baby, what happened?”

He brought up your hand to place a kiss on your knuckles, right above your ring.

“I had that nightmare. You know the one…”

You frowned. “Jungkook-”

“But it’s ok, really. I talked to Yoongi and I feel a little better.” He was looking anywhere but your face now, so you placed a hand under his chin, tilting it up so he’d look at you.

“You know you can always wake me up and talk to me.” You brushed your thumb across one of his cheekbones and he sighed into the touch.

“I know. You’ve been having trouble sleeping lately so I-”

“You also know that if I have trouble sleeping, usually cuddling with you helps. So please don’t use that as an excuse.”

Jungkook felt guilty again because he knew you were right. Before he came along, sleeping wasn’t always easy for you, but in the comfort of his arms, you found slumber much faster these days.

You took Jungkook’s face in both of your hands, your own chest twisting with pain at the sight of him. His big, doe-like eyes were shining with so much emotion, and all you wanted to do was take away all his worries.

“Do you know why you had that dream again?”

Jungkook nodded, absentmindedly brushing his thumb along your thigh. “Everything that’s happened with Kun lately, it- I don’t know, it just bothers me. It bothers me way more than it should. And I guess it just made me think again about- well, you know.”

Jungkook’s head hung then, and you leaned down so you could look into his eyes once more. He brought his head up to keep you from having to lean uncomfortably like that for too long.

“Koo,” you brushed a piece of his long, dark curly locks out of his face. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I know that things happened in the past that we can’t erase or change, but what we can do is focus on our future. Our future that we’re building together.”

He started to smile at your words, his heart lurching again now, but in a good way this time. Every time you told him you were in love with him, he felt like he could conquer the world.

“So please don’t worry about what almost happened or what could’ve been, because what matters is we’re here now. We’re here together. And I don’t plan on going anywhere,” you placed a quick peck on his lips, “Unless you want me to, that is.”

Jungkook quickly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you so you were straddling his lap, making you giggle as you tried to steady yourself. His hands rested comfortably against your waist and you placed yours on his shoulders. He looked up at you now with so much love and adoration.

“Never. I’m not planning on ever letting you go,” he accentuated his words with his grip around you by wrapping his arms more tightly around your waist to pull you closer to his chest. “Not until the day you decide you don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Well I don’t see that ever happening, so I guess we have nothing to worry about then, do we?” You booped his nose and he grinned, placing a hand on the back of your head to bring your lips down to meet his once more. The kiss was soft, yet passionate.

And it quickly turned into something more.

You deepened the kiss and Jungkook groaned into it, kissing you back now with a fervor that had you unconsciously moving your hips against him. He broke the kiss to lean his head back against the headboard, eyes shut and mouth parted.

“Fuck,” Jungkook panted. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Y/N. And right now,” he opened his eyes to stare at you again, tongue darting out to wet his lips.

His hand snaked underneath your t-shirt to brush at the skin he found there, pulling your head back down for another kiss.

“I want to show you how much I love you,” he whispered against your lips. “Will you let me?”

The sound of his voice shot straight to your core, and you were nodding before he could even finish his question. He chuckled against your lips before he started trailing them down your neck.

“Need to hear you say it, baby,” he spoke as his lips ghosted over your throat, his hold on you tightening.

“Please,” you breathed out, pulling at his dark tresses and making him grunt. “Please, Koo. I want you to make love to me.”

That was all he needed. Jungkook started placing kisses along your neck and down to your collarbone that was exposed from the collar of his shirt, his fists clenching around the material at the bottom of it.

“I love you,” he kept saying in between kisses. “Gonna take care of you.”

He started tugging your shirt up and you met him halfway, ridding yourself of the garment fast enough that it made him chuckle at your eagerness. He started peppering kisses all over your chest, kneading at your breasts, rolling your nipples in between your fingers and making your hips move faster.

You could feel him growing harder underneath you through the thin fabric of the shorts he was still wearing, so you sped up your movements, making him moan.

“These need to come off, don’t you think, baby?” You tugged at his shorts. Another moan came from Jungkook as he nodded, helping you move up so he could shimmy out of his shorts. He still didn’t think he could ever get used to that pet name coming from you, and he thought it was the sexiest thing ever when it fell from your lips.

Of course, Jungkook thought nearly everything you did was sexy. That was just the effect you had on him. Everything intimate was intense in the best way possible, and if this was what being in love felt like, he never wanted to stop being in love with you.

He loved you. He needed you. He wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. And he’d never felt this way about anyone else for.

He felt all of these things for you. Only for you.

Jungkook was pulled out of his thoughts of how much he loved you by the feeling of you grinding down onto him again, this time the only barrier of clothing between the two of you being your own panties.

Yeah, Jungkook wasn’t having that.

He made quick work of removing your soaked panties, laughing again at your enthusiastic impatience. He loved seeing that you wanted him as much as he wanted you.

“Be careful, angel,” He cooed at you as you tried to steady yourself on his lap once more. He rubbed his hands up and down your thighs while you huffed, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

“Just wanna feel you already,” you said breathily, and the sound of your voice mixed with the words that fell from your mouth made him twitch. He knew he probably wouldn’t last long inside of you, and with the way you were already worked up, he figured you might not either.

But tonight wasn’t one of those nights where he planned on going for hours anyway (even though you both definitely could at times and boy did he love it when that happened). No, tonight was about him proving to you how much he loved you, telling you through his words and soft caresses and the way he took care of you.

And you did the same for him. Jungkook had never had anyone care about him before the way that you do. He knew you’d do anything to ensure his happiness, the same as he would for you.

And that’s also why he thought you were destined to be together. And he hoped he would never fuck that up, that anything would ever fuck that up.

Jungkook heard you whine from your place in his lap, still grinding against him to find some much-needed friction. You felt so good on top of him that he let himself enjoy it for a few moments, soft moans escaping his lips as he watched you through half-lidded eyes. You leaned down to give him another kiss, and in the same movement, he picked you up by your thighs under your ass and placed you back down where his tip was at your entrance.

He grunted against your lips as he felt you sink down onto him, waiting for you to accommodate to the stretch as you’d done many times before. You always told him you could handle it and sometimes you wanted him to be a little rougher with you from the get-go. Jungkook wasn’t at that level where he was comfortable with that yet.

But one day, he thought, especially with how good you feel around him, he just might be.

When he was finally completely inside of you, he waited just enjoying the feel of your warmth around his length. He brushed some hair out of your face, noticing how your eyes were glinting in the faint light of the room.

God, he could never get enough of staring into your eyes. He’d happily get lost in them over and over again.

Now, though, they were starting to close as you picked yourself only to drop down again a moment later. The action caused Jungkook to let out a throaty moan, eyes fluttering closed at the motion.

Hm. That was new.

Usually, Jungkook would guide you with his hands on your hips, and it wasn’t that he didn’t let you have control, it was more that you never really wanted to take control. So, seeing you decide to do it now was exciting and something he’d gladly let happen if that’s what you wanted.

To be sure though, he placed his hands on your waist. You placed yours on top of his and shook your head.

“Let me take the lead,” you said as you pushed his chest to where he was lying down more. “You can keep your hands here, but I want to do the work.”

Jungkook frowned, only because he knew you still had to be tired. “Angel, are you sure? I can help- fuck.”

You cut him off as you clenched around him before you started moving again, his hands constricting around your waist. You placed your hands firmly on your chest to help you get more leverage as you continued moving.

As you sped up, Jungkook leaned his head back into the pillow he was lying on, eyes screwed shut and the prettiest sounds falling from his lips. You watched as the muscles in his neck strained with the movement, and that alone made you want to mark him up.

But now wasn’t the time for that.

Jungkook managed to open his eyes and look at you riding him, the sight making him twitch inside of you. He thought you looked so beautiful like this, and you taking the lead was so hot to him, he knew he’d definitely not last long if you kept this up-

“Do you know,” you broke off to moan as his cock hit a spot inside of you that made your breath hitch, “do you know why I wanted to take control tonight?”

Jungkook swallowed and shook his head, rubbing his hands along your waist.

You smiled at him lovingly, taking one of his hands and bringing it to your lips before linking your fingers. The action made his heart soar.

“It’s because you always take such good care of me. I want to take care of you in that same way,” you squeezed his hand, letting your words wash over him.

“But you do take care of me,” he started to say, only to be interrupted by the feeling of your walls clenching around him again.

“I know. But tonight, I want to show you I know how to take care of you in this way, too. I want to show you how much I love you.” You leaned down, hitting a new angle that had both of you moaning as you brushed your lips against his. “Will you let me?”

Jungkook felt himself getting closer as you repeated his words from earlier. He nodded vigorously, kissing you with so much passion that you thought you might topple over. You sat up straight again and started moving faster, now pulling out as much as possible before dropping back down.

Jungkook’s high was approaching fast because of the combination of you taking control, the way you were riding him, and your words. He was feeling so many things at once and he tried to will himself to not let go.

He didn’t want to let go yet, not until you were there with him.

To help you along, he reached down in between both of you and started rubbing your clit, relishing in the feel of you around him as you stuttered in your movements. He smirked, knowing that even when you were in control, he still had an effect on you the same way you did him.

“Come on, angel, I’m right there, I want you to cum with me.” Jungkook’s voice was husky now, the pleasure threatening to overtake him any second. He bit his lip as he stared at you, watching as your head lolled forward on your neck and you started shaking from the overwhelming sensations coursing through your body.

“I’m almost there, Koo, I love you so much,” your sounds were increasing in pitch and becoming more frequent, so he knew you were close. All that was left now was for you to reach your high together.

He took your hand that was still intertwined with his and placed a kiss on the inside of your wrist. “I love you, too,” he said softly.

His response was enough to finally provoke your orgasm, it being so powerful that you fell forward on top of him. As you did, you were clenching so tight around him that his release wasn’t far behind. He grunted as he placed his head in the crook of your neck, filling you up, the familiar sensation of warmth making you shiver in his hold.

Both of you were trying to catch your breath, you now completely laying on his chest and his arms snaked around you. He placed a kiss on top of your head and you both just laid there for a few moments.

Jungkook was the one to break the silence. “Well, that was certainly something.”

You giggled. “Yeah, I enjoyed that, Don’t know why I haven’t done that before.” You felt his chest rumble with laughter underneath you.

“Me neither, but you can absolutely do it more often. I know I won’t be opposed.”

“Deal,” you said as you leaned up to place a kiss on his nose. “But only under one condition.”

“Oh?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, intrigued at your proposition.

“You,” you said as you traced patterns on his chest, “need to stop being so cautious with me.”

A tiny frown etched itself onto his features. “Angel-”

“I mean it, Jungkook. I’m not some fragile thing that’s going to break anytime you stick your dick in me.” He couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from him, immediately apologizing afterwards because he knew you were being serious.

“I know you’re not, I just- I never want to hurt you.”

“And I’d let you know if you did. So promise me you’ll at least try to treat me a little less like I’m gonna break under your touch?”

He ran his fingers through your hair as you laid your head on his chest again. “I promise to try. I don’t just do it for you, though.”

You brought your head back up to look at him, quirking your own eyebrow. “Oh? What do you mean?”

He chuckled darkly, his stare alone making you throb. “I also do it so I can maintain some self-control.”

You laughed. “What’s so bad about losing control?”

He smirked. “Nothing, I guess. We’ll have to see though, won’t we?”

The suggestion made you tingle with desire, but you were unfortunately too tired to go again, so you figured it’d be best to leave it alone for the night. Jungkook finally pulled out of you, making you let out a small whine at the loss. Before you could say anything, he picked you up and carried you with him to the shower, as he did most nights when you two shared these intimate moments.

In the shower, he helped you clean off, and as he was washing your hair, you stared up at him, seeing his dark locks falling into his face with the weight of the water that drenched them. His lips were parted and his tongue was slightly sticking out as he concentrated on making sure he lathered every inch of your hair with shampoo. He looked so adorable like this that you couldn’t help but giggle.

You ran your hands along his chest now to help him wash off the soap, and your ring caught the light, glimmering faintly. Jungkook picked up your hand and turned it this way and that to watch the ring shine from different angles, before he linked your fingers together.

“I told you I’d get you a better one, didn’t I?” You rolled your eyes in amusement at the cocky smirk that tugged at his lips.

“You didn’t just tell me, you promised me.” You continued washing all the suds off of him as he wrapped his arms around you to bring you closer.

“And did I follow through on my promise?”

You pretended to think about it for a second, making Jungkook tickle you under the shower’s waterfall. “Ok! Ok! Yes, you did,” you said as you laughed. “You always follow through on your promises.”

“I try,” was his soft response. He nudged your cheek with his nose, which is something he did when he wanted a kiss, a habit you were very quick to pick up on in the early stages of your relationship. You wrapped your arms around his neck and stood up on your tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his lips that had him letting out a small sound of contentment.

“I love you. And I’m in love with you. Nothing, nor anyone, will change that.” You reassured him as you pushed his hair out of his face. Any doubts he still had you wanted to erase them all.

You wanted him to know that you loved him with everything you had.

He smiled, brushing his nose against yours. “I know. And I love you more than anything. All the love I have to give is for you.” He placed another soft kiss on your lips before he pulled back to quietly add, “Only for you.”

Those three words meant so much to you, and every time you heard him say them it made you fall for him even more, if that was possible. The two of you continued to hold each other and exchange lazy kisses until the water turned too cold to bear. After drying off, you both snuggled back into bed, with you falling asleep almost instantly, feeling safe in Jungkook’s arms.

He kissed the back of your neck and wrapped his arms around you securely, resting his forehead against your shoulder as you both laid on your sides. Your soft breathing let him know you were already asleep and he smiled, elated that he could provide you the comfort you needed to help you fall into peaceful slumber once more.

When Jungkook inevitably followed behind you, he was met with nothing but pleasant dreams, and all of them were about you.

#bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #ofy drabble

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