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#i am sorry. i WILL hate on them again. repeatedly
derpoprime · 1 year
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A DOODLE PAGE OF CRAZY PEOPLE !! done a while ago. heart emoji to leslie especially the inhumane things i'd do for her (on the floor)
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rad-batson · 1 year
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Damian Wayne Headcanons :) in which I give him actual character growth, suck it dc writers
this is extremely long, I am not sorry
He has literally no footsteps, you cannot hear him walk, even when he stomps around in one of those moods, it’s just barely a little *pat pat pat*
He doodles on everything. With everything. Some Gothamites have found intricate floral designs etched into the roof or random brick walls (most likely with a knife) after seeing Robin patrol.
He has like 20 weighted blankets, all different weights and sizes depending on his mood.
His favorite item in his room is a silver Nintendo DS. (He likes to use the little chat rooms, even if no one else is on the other end. He doodles and writes little messages. It’s like his diary.)
He loves all animals, and that includes the creepy ones. Especially the creepy ones.
Once, Tim started screaming bloody murder over a massive bug with a bajillion legs in his room. Damian now houses it in an enclosure in his bedroom. Her name is Mildred, Millie for short.
When he was in the LoA, he was forbidden from stimming in front of others. It took two years for anyone in the batfamily to ever witness him stimming.
His most common stimming behaviors are shaking out his hands, scratching his palms, and rubbing his hands across different surfaces. When he’s really stressed, he’ll snap his fingers.
He absolutely hates cameras. They’re loud and make him uncomfortable. One reporter almost got scratched when they got too close to him with the flash on. He only barely tolerates the security cameras in the manor. Barely.
He can and will be roped into any dare imaginable. Bruce repeatedly forbids him from taking dares from his siblings for months at a time.
He has a compartment in his utility belt dedicated to treats for any animal he sees on patrol.
When he’s tired, he’ll speak a mixture of Arabic, Mandarin, and English. Only Bruce can make sense of it, and occasionally Jason.
Bruce absolutely refuses to yell at Damian. Even if some of his other kids argue that he’s being too nice, he’ll only use his Batman voice and his Soft But Disappointed Dad Voice, but he will Never yell.
(He doesn’t tell them it’s because of what happened the first and only time he yelled at Damian. Bruce moved his hand a bit, and Damian flinched wildly. Bruce cried for hours over the implications of that.)
Damian only feels comfortable sitting if he can clearly see the main entrance. If not, he’ll sit with his back against a wall or he’ll stand.
He dutifully takes the responsibility of feeding and grooming every Wayne animal. They receive the most nutritious and filling meals on the market (all while receiving lots of head pats.)
He has very strong eyebrows just like his father. They tend to pull the same exasperated expressions too, highlighting their resemblance.
Talia taught Damian at a very young age how to write perfectly with both hands. He no longer remembers if he is naturally left or right-handed.
The one insult he cannot handle is “spoiled brat.” A few months after he arrived, someone in the family called him that as a joke, and he completely shut down emotionally. No anger, no sadness, no resentment. Literally just nothing. For days. No one knows why, but they will never let it happen again.
You know he’s Up to Something TM if he swings his legs back and forth while he sits.
He is obsessed with those cheap TV documentaries about famous plane crashes and shipwrecks. After finishing one, he’ll find the nearest family member and tell them all about it: how it happened, what human error caused it, and his fool-proof plan for if it ever happens again and he is nearby. Usually, it’s Alfred.
For the first few years at the manor, Damian’s favorite spot is the family graveyard. Everyone calls him dramatic. He just likes how it’s so quiet. (And he’s dramatic.)
When Jason waxes poetics about dying over dinner, Damian just groans and says, “So have I. You’re not special.” That’s how the family learns he was repeatedly revived in the Lazarus Pit due to the fatal nature of his training and abuse.
His first ever crush was on the cute male tech at Alfred the Cat’s vet. Damian was 12. Jason, who accompanied him, proceeded to give him both The Talk (“It’s okay to like boys”) and The Talk (“Your body is ✨changing✨”) on the drive home.
He will not text back unless it is absolutely necessary. He will leave people on read. He does not hate you. (…Probably.)
Titus is a registered therapy dog, trained in helping Damian through panic attacks and sensory overload. If you ever see Damian asleep on the floor, eyes cried out with Titus resting on top of him, you know why.
When he was 13, he tried to fake his own death after he failed a test at school and “dishonored the family name.” Bruce and Dick had to sit him down and explain that grades aren’t everything, and they still love him unconditionally.
He talks to animals like they’re human. He has a habit of venting his frustrations to Batcow in particular. And his fish while he feeds them.
His love language to others is a mixture of gifts and quality time, usually without words.
One day, Damian was snooping around the house and found that one of the electrical closets leads to a tiny space—barely two feet wide—in between the sheetrock and the foundation wall with nothing but a single hanging lightbulb. It took years before anyone else found it, but by then, Damian had painted an 8x10 ft mural on the wall and created a small bed of blankets and pillows for when he needs a quiet place to escape unwanted stimuli.
When he sleeps, his cheeks puff out like a little chipmunk. It’s adorable.
During the Winter Olympics one year, Damian falls in love with figure skating and decides he wants to try it out, but he never asks to take up lessons in fear that he will be horrible at it.
Duke figures this out and now takes him ice skating just enough to avoid suspicion. It’s become their bonding activity.
Once, Jason and Tim made him try a Sour Patch Kids-flavored energy drink. He immediately spit it out and said, “What the fuck?! That’s even worse than drinking from the Lazarus Pit.” And that’s how the family learns that Ra’s made Damian drink from the Lazarus Pit a few times.
One day, Steph told Damian about the wonders of concealed self defense products. Now, about 80% of the mundane items Damian owns is secretly a knife. He will purchase any item that is secretly a knife. Including several fake lipstick tubes.
He has rigorous self-control when it comes to sleep. Sure, his schedule is a bit fucked up for someone his age, but he is in bed and asleep exactly when he tells himself. (His siblings could never.)
His entire wardrobe is soft items he “found” stole from the laundry room. If it’s comfortable, it’s his now. (No one complains. In fact, having Damian steal your clothes is considered a privilege.)
He hates whenever Alfred tries to recreate dishes from his childhood. It’s just not the same. Alfred understands.
When he’s really stressed—like the “I am one stubbed toe away from a complete meltdown” stressed—he will finger paint. He likes the feeling of it on his skin.
Due to his time in the LoA, Damian has a habit of never telling anyone if he’s injured. Instead, he’ll pretend nothing’s wrong until he passes out or literally can’t move right and someone calls him out. He’s working on it, though.
There’s a massive system of fish tanks in his room complete with handmade decor and multiple venomous species. No one even realizes until Alfred mentions it during dinner.
He has hyper fixated at least once on every single artistic medium you can imagine. His top three are oil paintings, mosaics, and pottery, but he mostly sticks to drawing in his free time.
He has taste tested all of his pets’ treats at one point for “research purposes.”
Giving friends their own nickname is one of the most intimate things Damian does to express his relationship with someone.
Once, he was having an argument with a sibling, and they said, “Oh yeah? Well at least Bruce wanted me!” Damian didn’t leave his room for exactly six days. He even stapled blackout curtains to his windows and the vents. Bruce chewed the shit out of whoever said it and spent hours every day talking to Damian through the door to convince him that, yes, Bruce wants him and couldn’t ever think of a family without him. Damian didn’t come out, however, until he heard Bruce crying while begging him to eat. Damian slept in Bruce’s bed that night and the following week.
When he turns 15, he gets really obsessed with Måneskin.
He’s exactly the kind of Art Hoe that is completely loyal to his favorite brand of art supplies and wouldn’t touch other brands with a 10ft pole.
He has weirdly thin fingers. Like creepily thin, especially as he grows older. Someone commented on them once, and Damian proceeded to wear gloves nonstop for a week.
There are exactly four (4) people who are allowed to touch him without permission first. Dick, Jon, Bruce, and Talia in that order.
His eyes are actually naturally blue. The reason they are green is because of the Lazarus Pit. It’s always the Lazarus Pit. (They barely glow in the dark too, but you need to really pay attention to notice.)
He can wiggle his ears. The only people to ever witness it are Cass and Duke. They’ve been sworn to secrecy.
Whenever one of his many pets sleeps in his bed, he tries to stay as still as possible without touching them so they don’t get annoyed and leave, but they always worm their way into his arms.
As he grows, his family is surprised to learn that he isn’t building the same muscle as his dad. Instead, he’s lean like his mother due to an extremely fast metabolism. He eats a lot to maintain proper health. (His cheeks are still puffy when he sleeps, though. And when he smiles.)
Dick is his emergency contact for school, partially because Dick isn’t as busy, partially due to that time Bruce “died,” but mostly because Damian is terrified of disappointing Bruce if he ever gets in trouble. Thankfully, Dick is convincing Damian otherwise.
His favorite ever birthday gift comes from Tim. It’s a pottery studio he spent months building on their property in secret with several pottery wheels and a kiln.
His hands have always had a sort of surgical accuracy to them due to his stealth training, but it never came to the forefront of everyone’s mind until one particular mission when Tim got shot, and they needed to get the bullet out as quickly as possible. Despite being bigger than most of his family members by now, and Tim refusing to stay still the whole time, Damian was the only one capable of taking the bullet out. While riding in the Batmobile. Going 80 mph. Completely painlessly. Damian is immediately given the de facto role of Combat Medic.
Jon likes to send Good morning texts to Damian. At first, he didn’t know about the “only responds if it’s an emergency” thing, though, so he decided to stop after a few weeks of Damian never replying. Within an hour of not getting the usual text, Damian was at Jon’s house in full Robin gear to make sure he was okay.
He and Steph like to paint each other’s nails when one of them is stressed. After Damian comes out as pansexual, Steph paints little pride flags on his fingers.
He only plays Minecraft on creative mode. He likes building farms and wildlife preserves.
At 16, he gets asked out by a pretty girl in school that Damian had a crush on last year, but he thinks it’s a joke because he can’t fathom anyone liking him so he turns her down.
As he grows, his looks become more androgynous, again eerily resembling his mother, but his voice drops low enough that it doesn’t cause much misgendering.
Then he starts thinking of his gender a bit more and wonders if he’s also a They.
He likes to paint all over the soles of his shoes whenever he gets a new pair. No one will ever really see it, of course, and it eventually wears off the more he walks, but he knows it’s there.
It’s a nice day in the park. He’s doing homework on a picnic table while Titus and Ace run around, and he can’t stop thinking about his future.
Yesterday, there was a school assembly about choosing a career path. Alfred slid him an SAT prep book during breakfast. And his class was assigned one of those “Which career path is best for you?” quizzes.
He gets Veterinarian.
It takes a full five minutes as Damian stares at the results, thinking about the crazy, out-of-this-world idea of not being a vigilante or assassin his entire life, what it would be like if he just turned his back on the future which was so carefully laid out in front of him since birth, before it clicks into place.
Damian doesn’t want to be Batman.
He doesn’t want to lead the LoA either.
Two years later, Damian enrolls in Gotham University and majors in Wildlife Biology on the Pre-Vet track with a minor in Studio Arts. He gets a dorm room, works in the pottery studio, and volunteers at the local animal shelter.
He is content.
Does some of this stray from canon? Yes. However, I do not give a rat’s ass. Thank you, and goodnight.
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anadiasmount · 2 months
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can u make a small blurb of jude coming back to his and y/n’s apartment finding her passed out from studying so much. he wakes her up, sets up a bath for her, orders her food, and just takes care of her overall. 🙏🏼
okay bye… cause why is this actually me rn?? i’m so so so exhausted from uni and work i need to sleep for 2874828 days…🥲🤍
wc: 1.3k | masterlist | jude's masterlist
it was weird you hadn’t responded to any of jude’s calls or texts from the last hour. he found it strange you didn’t at least read or made contact since the morning when he last texted you. he had a full day of recovery and media shooting with the team and all he wanted was to be with you.
“hi baby… erm- it’s me… i’m starting to get worried that you’re not answering my calls, did i do something wrong? just please call me back when you get the chance, i miss you darling…” jude said into your voicemail once again, resisting the urge to freak out or overthink.
from jude:
are you okay?
y/n you're starting to worry me
call me back please
okay I'm headed to your place right now.
he sent you one last text before finally deciding it was just best to make sure everything was okay and go to your flat in person. he grabbed some of your favorite takeout and a book you’ve had on your list before finally heading over.
jude slowly knocked on your door with no answer, waiting impatiently and biting the inside of his cheek to hear a response but nothing was heard. he knocked again, calling out for you, and then wasted no time to slide the extra key you gave him into the slot, twisting it open rapidly and opening the door.
“y/n?”
he looked around and saw your office door open, setting the food and book down before sprinting to you. a full panic mode in him as his pulse raced at any scenario of you being left alone or something happening to you.
"y/n? are you okay?" jude asked carefully as he was faced with you slumped on the huge bean bag asleep. your hair in a messy bun, glasses almost falling down your face, ipad full with notes, a spreadsheet and planner open with your pencil on the floor, and a video lecture continuing to play as you slept soundly.
jude chuckled before crouching down and pressing kisses on your head, a small groan escaping your lips as you wiggled around in the bean bag. "y/n... wake up my love..." jude laughed as he felt you pull him closer to you, taking your glasses off and grabbing all your school stuff and setting it onto your desk.
"jude? w-ha-t what are you doing here?" you yawned squinting your eyes before rubbing them to get used to the lighting. "cmon up up up, stretch your muscles out, you were sleeping in an uncomfortable position baby," jude said as he helped you up. "no no," jude chuckled as you hugged him tight and almost made him lose balance.
"i missed you too," jude snuggled you closer, kissing your head repeatedly as you muffled your words. "how come you didn't tell me you were coming? i could've made something," you said with your eyes closed, snuggling into his neck as you breathed in his cologne.
"i did! i left you like five voicemails, and so many texts because you didn't return my calls," jude says still smiling at your sleep state. you gave him a confused look, detaching yourself and looking through your watch and seeing all the missed notifications from your boyfriend.
"oh my god! you did! i'm sorry jude, i didn't mean to make you worry handsome. i was studying for my test and i must've slept through all of them," you ran a hand along your face clearly upset and fatigued from the past exhausting few days. "i think i fell asleep right after our call this morning."
"if anything i'm glad you were sleeping and catching up on rest. all you've done this past week is uni and then study, study, study. you know how proud i am of you always for being dedicated to school, but you also know how much i hate seeing you overwork yourself," jude kissed your hands softly and then pecked your lips twice lovingly earning a hum from you.
"and before you say it, i know how hard the term is and how much you have to pay to every single detail, but right now i don't care. i'm going to run my beautiful girlfriend a bath, and after she's done her favorite takeout will be waiting for her, okay? how does that sounds?" jude said in a sincere voice making your heart melt with adoration and feeling grateful for him.
"that... actually sounds very nice..." you sighed out a breath of relief, following jude who was now in your restroom. jude touched the water to make sure it was hot to your liking, adding epson salt, some of your favorite scented oil, and a vanilla bean bath bomb.
jude helped undress, kissing every inch of your skin, and muttering praises how beautiful and proud of you he was, helping you get into the bubbly bath. "i'll be in the living room okay? going to order some food and those red velvet cookies you love so much," jude felt you squeeze his hand thanking him.
"thank you jude."
"just sit back and relax.”
“that was actually so nice…” you say drying your hair with a towel walking into the kitchen, feeling refreshed without worries of uni or work. you look around and gasp, seeing candles lit and a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on your island. “what’s all this?” you ask jude who is leaned on the counter with his arms crossed.
“if it’s going to be a proper self-care night, we need candles lit, the house to smell like flowers and maybe this?” he pulls out a book from your wishlist. jude sees your eyes go wide full with excitement, “oh my god? how did you know i’ve been wanting this?” you try to each for it but he lifts it up in the air.
you squint your eyes at his teasing matter, “nuh uh. you made me think i had done something, and the last i want is to spend my night with my girlfriend dug into her deep book instead with me,” jude shakes his head seeing your frown. “to my defense, i was getting my well deserved sleep, no?”
“and you ignored my calls…”
“jude.”
“y/n.”
“fine you win,” you say rolling your eyes, placing the towel on the chair before leaning up and kissing him like a starved women. jude releasing a groan and slowly bringing his arm down to wrap around your waist, “can’t get enough of you y/n… especially when you smell so good.”
“let’s eat, cookies will be here before we finish eating. i’ve already set up the living room with warm blankets and your favorite soap opera,” jude says with a small smile, earning a squeal from you and clap of your hands. “you tried to deny about liking the show, saying you hated it, but what do we have here?” you tease as you sit down in the chair. “for someone who slept the whole day you sure are blabbering a lot,” jude scoffed playfully.
after eating dinner and finally being able to read at least the cover and back page of your new book, jude laid on top of you as you watched the tv, two uneaten cookies and your empty mugs on the coffee table. “are you feeling better?” he asks, looking up seeing you almost sound asleep. “mhmm, just feeling tired now…”
jude traced his hands on your are thighs, drawing small shapes and his name as you drift off to sleep to soothe you. his eyes grew heavy, but wanting to finish the episode to find out who the main character would end up with to tease you the next day. “don’t watch it without me. i see you falling asleep, so sleep,” you deadpanned slapping his shoulder gently and turning the tv off. “love you jude. goodnight.”
“goodnight beautiful.”
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eyesofshinigami · 2 months
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Gifts
Rating: T
CW: None
Tags: Established relationship, fluff, minor sexual content
Prompt: For @forgottenkanji "Love is going out of your way to do something you know will make them happy"
WC: 653
Written for Day 29 of @steddielovemonth
He tells himself it’s going to be worth it. Standing here in thirty degree weather, shivering his ass off, waiting for the ticket office to open. Steve can picture the look on Eddie’s face when he shows up on their anniversary with Metallica tickets and that almost makes it worth it.
Three hours he’s been standing out here. The line is getting longer and longer, so he’s glad he made the decision to skip work for the day to come. 
Almost. His toes are still fucking freezing. 
“Hey man, you in the right line?” a couple of guys behind him snicker, and Steve has to keep from rolling his eyes. 
“Sure am. Friend of mine really likes the band and couldn’t make it out, so I figured I would grab tickets for him,” Steve lies smoothly. It’s not really any of these guys’ business, but he’s learned that it’s sometimes the best way to deal with people like this. 
The guys are quiet and one finally pipes up, “That’s kind of awesome, man. Sorry.”
Steve waves them off, pulling his jacket tighter around himself. He checks his watch; eight o’clock, the box office should open very soon. He had felt a little bad lying to Eddie, saying that he was going for a run and then had to get to work early, but he’d make it up to him with kisses later on. 
He hears cheers go up and the line starts moving, butterflies kicking up in his belly. The counter comes into view and the bored girl at the desk pops her gum as he gets the tickets. Middle seats, nothing fancy, but it’ll be enough to make Eddie lose his mind. 
Steve can’t wait.
Two weeks later they’re laying in bed, sweaty after sex and full of Jim’s Chinese from down the block. It’s been one of the best anniversaries Steve can remember, and he knows it’s about to get even better. 
“Got you a present,” he tells Eddie, reaching over to his nightstand to pull out the envelope he’s been hiding there for the last two weeks. He can’t wait to see the look on Eddie’s face; it’s going to be worth being cold for three hours and the subsequent runny nose that followed. 
Eddie grins, eyes shining. “I got you one too.” He reaches over and grabs something from his own bedside table. “On the count of three?” 
Together, they say, “One… two… three!”
They each hand the other a similar looking envelope. Eddie opens his first, and lets out a screech of pleasure. “Holy shit!!! Metallica tickets? I thought they sold out!!” He tackles Steve to the bed, kissing his face obnoxiously. “How?”
“Went and waited in line,” Steve replies, because yup, absolutely worth it. “I wanted to get them for you.”
Eddie’s eyes are a little wet and he pulls his hair in front of his face, delighted. “Okay, now you. Then I’m going to ride you into the mattress because I can’t believe you did this for me.”
Heart full, Steve opens up his own envelope, only to find a pair of tickets to go see the Bulls play next Saturday. His eyes go wide. “Eddie, what? You got me Bulls tickets? How-?” 
“Asked that guy Jake at your work and I went down the other day and got them. I thought you would like them.”
“But you hate sports!”
Eddie shrugs, looking bashful again. “Yeah, but you don’t. I thought it would nice, you know? We could go together? Unless you want to take like… Jake or something, but-”
He doesn’t even get to finish his sentence. Steve is pulling him close, kissing him like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Their bodies press together and Steve is so ready to show Eddie how much he appreciates him. Repeatedly, until neither of them can move. 
All in all, a pretty great anniversary, he’d say.
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tommyspeakycap · 8 months
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shopping
jay loves you so much he actively enjoys being dragged around dress shopping
jay halstead x reader tooth rotting fluff x
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“What do you think of this one?” You ponder, running your fingers over the fabric of a dress in the millionth store you’d dragged your boyfriend into. You had left the finding of a dress for your friends wedding pretty last minute and so far, despite the fact Jay would attested you looked drop dead gorgeous in every single one of them, you were still declaring that you hadn’t found one that looked good on you.
“Why don’t you try it on?” Your boyfriend suggests, attracting your frazzled attention to him. When your eyes land on him there isn’t an ounce of annoyance towards you. Men notoriously hate doing things like this, following their partner around shops. Jay’s missing the game today, he’s probably knackered from working constantly and you wouldn’t be surprised if he was thinking of elaborate ways he could kill you and make it look like an accident right now just like many men stuck shopping with their partners have done in years gone by. Boyfriends before him to you and other women across the country have moaned and groaned the entire way around, asking repeatedly when you would be done and genuinely considering leaving you there.
Jay had not murmured so much as one complaint.
Jay Halstead is probably the best boyfriend in the world. He drove you here, he reacts with the same adoration with each and every dress you walked out in. Your boyfriend - not probably - unarguably, is the best boyfriend in the world. Only whilst you’re trying on a million dresses will he fiddle about with his phone, but the second you emerge to show him, his phone immediately goes away so he can direct his full attention to you again. He even carries the dresses you’re going to try and will lift them out of your reach when you try to protest. The only thing he’s threatened you with so far is that he would rip one particular dress clean off you and have you in that dressing room if you weren’t careful.
Ever the gentleman, Jay Halstead.
You had never had a love like this before.
All of a sudden you’re overcome with guilt, a frown falling onto your face. On duty or not, your boyfriend is a detective immediately a frown of his own appears across his beautiful features, concern furrowing his brow as he notices your face falling. “Baby,what’s wrong? You’ll get something. And besides, you know I think you look amazing in all of them.” Jay soothes softly as he takes a few steps towards you in concern at the sudden sadness written across your features. “No it’s not that,” you sigh, “You never get time off and today you have and i’m dragging you around half the stores in Chicago. I’m so sorry Jay, we can just go and i’ll come back another time.” You hurry to grab the other two dresses he was holding for you and stuff them back onto the rail they came from while Jay simply stood still and cocked an eyebrow.
“Jay?”
“Are you finished?” He taunts, prompting you to furrow your brows. “Am i finished wha-“
“Do you really think i would rather be anywhere else right now?” He asks, almost incredulously as if he cannot believe that you would ever even consider the fact he would want to be anywhere other than with you. “No matter what we’re doing, i’d always rather be with you. I mean what kind of man would complain about watching his hot girlfriend trying on hot dresses all day?” Jay reaches up to cup your cheeks, smoothing his thumbs over the soft surface. “Seriously honey, I’d spend the rest of my days doing this if i got to do it with you. Now let’s get you that perfect dress so i can rip it off you in two weeks eh?”
You snort a laugh, cheeks flushing bright red. “Oh detective Halstead, you are so getting some tonight.”
~~~
“Okay, okay, okay.” Jay hears your voice and finishes off the text he was sending. “What about this one?” He casts his eyes up to you and back at his phone to lock it quickly, but the device nearly actually slips right out of his hand as he attempts to do so. His head snaps back up to you as he stuffs it into his pocket. “Woaaah my god.” He breathes, eyes wide as you blush under his gaze. “Jay…” you trail off, crossing your arms over your chest. Jay has loved all of the dresses so far, so this reaction you assume is just over exaggerated because he wants you to feel good.
If only you could see inside his mind. It’s like some kind of primal alarm has gone off. Jay feels himself building up a little sweat as he blinks a few times to confirm that you are really stood in front of him, really his girlfriend and really that fucking hot. “Seriously, (y/n). I literally don’t have words. If you don’t chose that one we are definitely getting it anyway.” His face is as serious as it is when he’s at work, eyebrows raised to add to his insistence. “This one is my favourite,” you agree bashfully. It is very obviously your boyfriend’s favourite too. The brunette is doing his thing where he’s become a little bit lost, like someone’s reached inside him and spun his head.
He had very effectively been knocked from the unshakable hardened police detective and reduced to a boyfriend who’s adoration for his girlfriend beams right out of him. It’s as though love hearts have appeared in his eyes, heart fluttering at the sight of you giving him a little twirl. Jay’s mouth is dry, his stomach flipping.
The only thought in his mind is that he wants this forever. Your silly little ever-so-slightly timid showing off of outfits, your blushing grin when he compliments every little thing about you, his spinning head, his thumping heart and the knowing he is the one who gets to take you home; all of it. He wants it forever and only with you. He wants to spend all of his forevers totally enthralled by and entirely speechless because of you.
“Perfect. I’ll meet you at the register?” Jay finally speaks, trying not to trip over his own words. You nod with a giggle, making a show of swaying your hips a little extra because you know he’s watching you walk away. One of Jay’s favourite cheeky little phrases to recite comes to mind as you do so, and you know he’s muttering it to himself know. ‘I hate it when you leave but i love to watch you walk away’.
You’re quick to change back into your own clothes, aware Jay is waiting for you and if left alone in a shop too long he will find something to buy for you that is more expensive than you need or start to worry you’ve been the victim of a spontaneous changing room hostage situation. “Any luck?” The older lady manning the dressing room asks you sweetly, immediately forcing a big cheesy grin onto your face at the thought of Jay’s reaction to that dress. You’d had quite a lot of luck recently, you thought. You had gotten lucky with Jay, and you knew that better than anyone else. He was the love you had dreamt of and had been almost certain you’d never find.
“Yep, think i found the one.” You reply, holding the dress up for her to see. “If you don’t mind my saying.” She begins softly before casting her gaze out onto the shop floor to spot Jay before she turns back to you, “I really think you have. He’s one of the good ones.” Jay is just stood there, holding the bag with your new shoes in one hand and your coat tucked under his other arm waiting patiently for you to return so he can wrap his arm around your shoulders and press that kiss on your temple the same way he always does to greet you. Her lips are tugged into a genuine smile. “Brings back your faith in love a little. We don’t see many as good as him.” She adds quietly, watching your eyes cling to the man you love so much. “I don’t think there are any like him.” You admit sheepishly. When you meet her eyes again it’s like she can see right through you. Had you not been so wrapped up in him, you might have humoured the idea that people even outside of your circle can actually tell you Jay were just meant to be.
“I best not keep you any longer, he might burst.”
Despite her joking, you both know the tall brunette doesn’t like being away from you. This lady does not know you and nor does she know Jay, but just by observing for mere moments the way you interact with each other, she knows what everybody knows when they see you together.
How truly and deeply in love you both are.
These moments with him, mundane and boring as some might see them to others, are fleeting for you and Jay. His job keeps him as busy as any job really could. He doesn’t get to come shopping with you as often as he’d like, and Jay is nothing if not hyper aware that he does not always have the luxury of time to treat you how he believes you should be treated.
If anything, he spends a significant amount of time worrying and beating himself up about the time he doesn’t get to spend with you. He’s conscious of the fact that he doesn’t ever get to whisk you away on weekend getaways in case his job needs him or that he doesn’t treat you to fancy dinners as often as a man with a simpler job may be able to. He doesn’t always have the time to hold you in the mornings or fall asleep by your side. Jay Halstead will beat himself up until the day he dies about the fact he cannot shower you in his love the way he wishes he was able to.
In the very same breath, you make sure every worry and fear he has ever had about not being enough for you is squashed before he ever even thinks it’s showing. He is far from insecure about your relationship, but he is nothing if not aware of the fact you are deserving of someone who has more time for you.
To you, it is the mere fact that he makes time where time literally doesn’t exist that matters most.
Whether he has half an hour of a lunch break or no time at all, he will always find a way to make sure he’s texted you, ‘I hope today is treating you well baby. Love you x’. Every day, without fail. When he misses a dinner he will scramble in that front door all puppy eyes and more broken hearted that you could ever be that he’s missed it, with flowers slightly damaged from how quickly he tried to get home and grovelling apologies you accept in the form of a gentle, love soaked kiss on his lips. His apologies are always accepted. How could you ever hold a grudge when you can see his pain in those pretty blue eyes. On your worst days, he will find a way to wrap his love around you tight enough to squeeze all those broken pieces back together. How could you ever be angry when he tries so hard, you know the effort he has gone to in order to stop work from consuming his life the way he once did as a younger, single man. He is there, present or not. He is always there and you know he loves you because he shows you in ways even you haven’t come to fully know. When a case hits a little to close to home he’ll crawl into bed in the middle of the night and he will not let you go. When he knows you are fast asleep safe in his arms, he mumbles about how nothing will ever harm you so long as he’s around. In the time you do get to spend together, you feel so much love that it could last you a lifetime.
You never ever want to be without Jay Halstead.
“You know how much i love you, right?” You mumble softly with your head tucked into his shoulder, waiting in a patient and comfortable silence in the line to pay for your dress. “Course. Why do you ask?” Jay mused, tilting his head a little to look at you. “Dunno, just wanted you to know it’s…a lot i guess.”
“You guess?” Jay teases, jostling you playfully against his side. “You guess?”
“Jayyyy,” you whine, swirling yourself out of his grasp. Your boyfriend throws his head back with a loud chuckle, eyes crinkling the way they do when he’s genuinely happy. Only you can make him smile that way. “I’m trying to be sweet!” Your protest makes him laugh harder.
Before you could even get your phone on the card machine to pay, Jay had already done it and was thanking the man behind the desk. You were pretty much stood guffawing at him, highly displeased that after a day of being dragged here there and everywhere, he was now paying for the clothes you needed. “Now i’m trying to be sweet.” He retorts. “Come on pretty girl,” he rolls his eyes playfully at you, “Lets get out of here eh?”
You always fear you don’t remind him enough that you love him more than words could ever say. Jay on the other hand couldn’t believe such a ridiculous thought could ever come from such a smart woman. He feels your love every single day in every single way.
With your fingers linked together, you and Jay strolled off towards his truck. Jay has this weird feeling in his gut today. He hasn’t been able to put his finger on it all day. Only when he looks over at you in the car, one hand in yours and the other on the wheel, that this feeling is contentment. It’s peace. Just the feeling of total relaxation for the first time in his life. It is you. You are his peace, his lifeline, his home. No matter where you are.
And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, brought on purely by the little box wrapped in tissue paper and buried under some of the clothes you had bought. Being a gentleman wasn’t the only reason Jay had insisted on carrying your bags.
He was going to propose tonight.
And then he was going to spend forever loving every single little mundane moment you get together for the rest of his life.
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brooooswriting · 6 months
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Hi!! I love your writing, so how about prompt 9 and 16 with Nat?
9. “Don’t panic, but I think there’s someone in our house”
16. “Don’t touch me! GET OFF”
A/n: my first prompt writing, let me know what you think :)
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You were laying in bed with your head on your girlfriends pillow and your guys cat curled up to you. Natasha was on a mission for the last two weeks and there were one and a half more to come. You hated it when she was gone, especially since you guys moved into such a secluded house, it felt extremely lonely there. But you loved the fact that your girlfriend was saving the world so you never said anything. It was around 2 a.m. now and you just couldn’t fall asleep, you tossed and turned around until Liho came and lays down next to you.
You were about to doze off when you heard a crack making you jump awake again. It was loud enough to be on the inside and you were 100% sure that you closed all the windows which meant that it couldn’t have been the wind. Another sound was heard from the first floor making you jump again before turning to the cat. “Don’t panic, but I think there’s somebody in our house” you mumbled to the blob of black fur next to you but only received a purring as a reply. “Great to hear that you’re also concerned” you rolled your eyes before standing up to investigate where the sound was coming from.
With your phone in hand you waddled downstairs, turning every light on that you had passed. Your phone was on call mode, Natasha contact already open, just in case. It was kinda funny to you how your first instinct was always calling her, not the police or Tony, who lived like 8 minutes away when he flew with his suit and was currently home. No, it was her because you only felt save when she was there.
You looked around and went through almost all the rooms but there was nobody. “Well, I guess it was my imagination then. Right?” You whispered to yourself. You decided to drink some water while you were already in the kitchen. With your back towards the door you looked outside the window, watching how the wind blew through the trees and a sense of calmness overtook you.
At least until you felt an arm around your waist. You immediately let go of the glass and yelped as you started to hit around yourself. “Don’t touch me! GET OFF” you screamed once you felt yourself being turned around. Terrible scenarios building in your mind as you cried out for them to let you go. As soon as you were turned the grip on you disappeared and you felt the person take a step back.
“It’s alright, it’s okay. It’s just me love” The moment you heard the voice you calmed down, taking a moment to breath before doing anything. It was the moment you also noticed that you had tears streaming down your face. She repeatedly mumbled reassuring phrases until you started to talk.
“You asshole! I thought somebody was going to kill me” you whisper screamed at her, hitting her with the kitchen towel that was behind you. She couldn’t help but giggle as you kept on hitting her with the fabric.
“Im sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you that bad. But it was kinda funny” she grinned and hugged you tightly, her hand rubbing your back while yours wrapped around your neck.
“Why are you here already?” You asked into her neck, your hand playing with the back of her shirt.
“What? Not enough time to hide your side chick?” She laughed as she squeezed your waist, making clear that she was joking. “We found the suspect sooner and I couldn’t wait to come home. Steve snores like 10 men” you giggled before placing a kiss on her neck.
“I’m happy you’re back, I really am but I’m so tired” you sighed and placed the side of your head on her shoulder. The next thing you let out was a yelp as your girlfriend picked you up and carried you up the stairs and placed you on the bed. “Thank you” you mumbled with a small smile as you went under the blanket.
You watched as the redhead greeted the cat before changing into some sleepwear. “Now move over, I gotta cuddle my girl. You’ve had her for the last two weeks” she said to Liho and poked his belly making him stand up and lay on your other side. “Thank you very much” you couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.
“I’m so happy you’re back” you whispered as you nearly laid on top of her.
“I’m happy to be back too” she placed a couple of kisses on your lips as her hand rubbed your bare back. You chased after her lips making her smile but keep kissing you nonetheless.
“I love you, but if you ever scare me like that again you’re sleeping on the couch”
“Yes ma’am”
“Good, now give a kiss and then cuddle me”
“Yes ma’am” you kissed again before you turned to your side so she could spoon you.
“I love you too by the way” she kissed the back of your neck before turning off the light to let you sleep.
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sixosix · 1 year
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( a/n ) light angst, hurt/comfort, PROFANITY WARNING, guys im so sorry this is so short but its all im capable of rn
special mention TYSM @earthtooz for proofreading i owe u my soul
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he’s always been a little sensitive to people caring for him. he’s used to taking care of others, to have his parents let him get away with everything, and he’s spent his life isolating himself from people who would see him past what he is but for who he is.
reo rolls his shoulder to shove your hand off of him, frowning at the wall. “you know me well enough already, don’t you? you know that i hate it when you get like this.”
“this isn’t good for you, reo. you’re destroying yourself,” you snarl, jabbing at his back. “i’m sick of seeing you like this. i’m not a babysitter, nor your therapist.”
“i’m not asking you to worry about me, am i?” he snaps, finally turning to meet your eyes.
anger boils in your chest, but you let it simmer with a few deep breaths. reo isn’t thinking properly right now, raving on and on about not working hard enough, and how he isn’t catching up. “there isn’t a professional boundary between us, i care for you because i love you. right now, when you say shit like that? i can barely give a fuck about you anymore.”
reo’s sharp scowl falters around the edges, giving way to confusion. “where are you going?” he demands when you make your way to the door.
“away,” you say, slipping your shoes on and refusing to look at him. “you said you need space, right? then i’ll give it to you. we’re over.”
“fine.” his tone is biting, but his voice sounds strange. “fine…”
he’s still lethargic, you tell yourself; he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and he’ll regret it later. but he doesn’t stop you.
maybe if you were to glance back at him one last time, you’d see the broken expression on his face hitting him right after.
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from the start, reo’s always been expecting you would leave him. everyone does that to him, anyway. even nagi, who he still considers his best friend. it was a little too good to be true with you, so he tells himself that this was bound to happen. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when it finally happens.
reo groans, shoving his face into his pillow. his friends snicker at his misery, so reo does what he needs to and flips them off with two hands. but as a groveling man with his face hidden by his sheets, it does not paint the intimidating picture he wanted.
“it hasn’t even been that long,” nagi remarks. he doesn’t spare reo a glance so unfortunately, he doesn’t get see reo flashing him with his middle finger.
“mmrgh,” reo says, still pressed against his bed.
isagi pats him on the shoulder, which doesn’t help anyone, but it’s the thought that counts.
“record him, record him, do it,” bachira says, clapping nagi on the back repeatedly, his strength enough to jostle him back and forth. obediently, nagi follows, pointing his phone camera right at a moping reo.
“day two without y/n,” nagi says to his future audience. “barely holding on.”
“i feel awful,” reo groans. “y/n blocked me.”
“do you regret what you said?” isagi asks.
“‘course i do,” reo hisses, offended that he would even ask that. “i was an asshole. y/n was right—y/n’s always right. i’m stupid.”
bachira snorts, “keep fighting, reo!” and barely manages to dodge the pillow thrown his way.
the camera pans back to reo, who’s looking red in the face, awfully pathetic. “fuck off. don’t post that. y/n’s gonna see it and make fun of me when we’re back again.”
nagi posts it anyway.
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chigiri hums thoughtfully, waving a hand in front of your face. “you don’t look like you moved on to me.”
you splutter, shoving his phone back onto him. you feel your heart pound in your ears and with the way chigiri smiles knowingly, you almost wonder if he can hear it, too. “shut up! why did he say that? i hate him.”
“sure you do. say what?”
“‘when we’re back together again’ like he’s so sure about it,” you try to say it like you’re angry, but your expression resembles reo from that video. it doesn’t come out as you want it.
reo looks much better now. nagi says that reo religiously followed your advice right after and has been faring better, which is a real shame since you can’t even see it for yourself. he looks less pale and much brighter, but instead of the anger you last saw him with, he’s just become a carbon copy of a wet blanket.
“aren’t you?” chigiri watches the post again, just to torment you with your sniveling ex. “getting back together again, i mean.”
“i’m leaving.”
“yeah? and go where? reo’s bed?”
“i’ll strangle you!”
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Bark For Me
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Sometimes @turbulentscrawl has to hear me be silly lol (a lot) with one brain cell active when in matches with Fool's Gold
Rated: Mature | Warnings: pet play (in horny jail again)
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It was a joke! You told him that, repeatedly, what you said was a joke! You should have known he would take to the next step and further.
“Norton, I was kidding!” Nervous as the hunter removes his belt.
“And so am I. Let's play a little while longer.” Using to his advantage your inability to fight back from being downed by his attack. Even if he is your partner, both of him, he will still do his job. Norton will make sure it is quick.
You make a gagging sound as he wraps the belt around your neck and pulls before locking it in place by the buckle, a sadistic grin on his face as you grab the belt and are dragged closer to him while on your knees.
“Bark.” He says with a sudden serious face.
“What!?” Shocked yet you should not given he loves degrading you before fucking you. Hunter Norton likes to see you in tears and sucks at aftercare.
“Bark or I can chair you.”
You glare at him, “...” Going on all fours and glaring at him, “Woof.”
He laughs, long and hard, even hitting his knee as if that was the greatest joke of all time! “God, you are something else, sparky.” Oh, fuck him for taking this too far. “Now bark with some enthusiasm!”
You do it, and you do it louder too, you swear to never joke around him again! The alarm goes off singling the ciphers are done but you know Norton won't let you live just yet.
“Hmm, I can see the appeal.” Walking with you crawling on your hands and knees towards the dungeon, “Think about it, you can either behave and get rewarded. Or you can be a bitch and get muzzled.”
You say nothing nor do you move after that statement.
“Maybe this will get you to start behaving with me, sparky.”
You roll your eyes.
“Give me your paw.” Gesturing as he presents his broken hand, “Come on, come on, pup.” Talking to you as if you are a dog.
It was risky your reaction but you attacked him, pushing him forward and growling at him before hopping into the dungeon.
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“Oh, come on! I was teasing!”
“No, fuck you! Fuck you my knees and palm hurt!”
“That sounds like the usual— I was kidding! Don't ignore me. Come on, sparky.” You refuse to acknowledge him as you are about to leave the room you both went to in order to meet after the match. Norton is sorry but you are not pleased nor forgiving at the moment.
“Maybe if you get on your knees and crawl around in the fucking snow, I might look at you.” Huffing, you are at the door but not opening it, he tugs on your shirt with his good hand; you move with him until he has you sitting down on the old couch. It took a lot of work to make the attic both comfortable and breathable. Both Nortons had to for once put something above themselves and worked together to make this space. Greed can be useful! Especially when that greed is towards you.
It is not a five-star luxury hotel level but you loved it, adding your touch to their work.
A pocket of peace.
“(Name).” Soft-toned, “I am very sorry.” Your foot bounces your leg. “I didn't mean it. You looked really good and you know I can't help myself around you.”
“Pft, sounds like a you problem, goldie.”
“Please forgive me.” Resting his head on your lap. His chest pressed against your legs, “So sorry.” Look up at you with a sweet smile. The height difference is humorous yet endearing given this Fool's Gold who often is an ass.
“Hmm,” Norton picks his head up to kiss where the belt left its mark, the mark is not too bad but you had removed it after coming out of the dungeon and you swore you going to burn his damn belt! “Fine. God, I hate when you use begging against me.” Because you do and are very weak to how his voice lowers, his eyes half shut, and the way he just submits. 
Awful man, terrible man, and you love him so much. Norton knows it, both of them do! 
Pushing buttons because you are their ‘spark’ and they love that fire of yours roar with life. May you never change.
The hunter laughs as you pet his hair while grumbling about him being nice or something.
276 notes · View notes
There's a difference between shipping two characters and acknowledging the intense (usually gay) bond between characters. You guys get what I mean, right? Like I'm not just going insane?
Like a BSD example:
-I casually ship Louisa X Lucy because I feel like their dynamic could work in a romantic context and because I love it when girls are in love and they both deserve to be happy 🩷
-HOWEVER Chuuya and Dazai have an intense bond, they are one soul in two bodies, written and designed to compliment the other, Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life and vice versa, Dazai believed in Chuuya's humanity from the very beginning, their old and sorted dynamic, Chuuya being like the only one who understands Dazai's motives, and so, knowing all of this, I simply have no choice but to acknowledge their homosexuality because if I don't then I'm just being willfully ignorant
Or a MHA example:
-I somewhat ship Dabi x Hawks because it's hilarious whilst also having beautiful potential for angst
-BUT Bakugou and Midoriya quite simply just are gay as shit for each other and I have no choice but to accept it. Rivals constantly pushing the other, their complicated history and how they've both grown because of it, their understanding of the other, Bakugou basically trusting Midoriya with his fears and insecurities, Bakugou being the first to know about One for All, Kaachan Bakugou.
Or a MTP example:
-I guess you could say I ship Microsoft X Albert because I think it's sorta very funny and extremely plausible.
-MEANWHILE William and Sherlock are like the only person who understands each other and can keep up with them and Sherlock is diving off of buildings and cradling William's head as they fall (in love).
Or a JJK example:
-I kinda ship Maki X Nobara because I can and I want to and they could work
-ALTERNATIVELY Gojo and Geto where each others one and only best friend, best friend they ever had, knows his smell, his heart and soul know otherwise. They're just disgustingly in love and I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it except cry
Or a Haikyuu example:
-I do ship Hanamaki X Matsukawa because lord is it hilarious and the fanon presentation of a romantic relationship between them is always the funniest thing ever and the fics are so good
-YET Hinata and Kageyama are exactly what the other needed, Kageyama found his better half, their constant pushing of the other to do better, promises fulfilled and matches won, casual moments and casual touch. I did not choose to see them in a romantic light, they forced me to. I am a victim
Or a Merlin example:
-I dabble in shipping Percival X Gwaine purely because I can and no one is gonna stop me
-ALTHOUGH Merlin and Arthur are so gross and icky and care about each other so much and repeatedly risk their lives for the other and Arthur asked Merlin to hold him whilst he dies and Merlin spends forever waiting for Arthur's return. I just can't view them platonically or something after everything I've seen them do and I don't believe anyone who says that they truly don't seem them as romantic or at least something other than platonic or brotherly because how could you not??
Or a Doctor Who example:
-I could ship the Doctor X Jack because that's actually class
-UNFORTUNATELY that would be asking me to ignore the Doctor and Rose. He burned up a sun to say goodbye. He loved her. She loved him, was willing to never see her mother again if it meant she stayed with him. I'm sorry but cmonnnn
Nah but you get what I mean, right? Like I don't 'ship' these people, they're just IN LOVE and I hate them for it.
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modernperplexity · 2 months
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Chapter Rating: E (18+) Minors DNI, mention of alcohol consumption and substance abuse, fluff, angst, sexual tension.
Word Count: 5,634
Pairing: Frankie x f!reader
Chapter summary: A glimpse into Francisco's past, You meet the guys, and Santiago (that meddling little shit) gets his way you'll see ;). This time we'll see soft and sexy Frankie, that's all I'll say for now.
A/N: Hey y'all! Chapter 4 is finally here! As always, my inbox is always open to chat/suggestions/ questions etc. Please feel free to comment/reblog. I love hearing from you! Also, please excuse any typos you may encounter.
If you'd like to join the tag list click here :) or let me know in the comments.
Happy reading loves!💜
Series Masterlist
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Chapter 3 / Chapter 5
Chapter 4: Whiskey Sours & Sweet Confessions
“Are you shitting me!?” Ashley's eyes glazed over with pain and rage, “Are you fucking shitting me, Francisco!?” She slammed the mini zip lock bag on the dining table, her rage hung heavily in the air between them. 
Frankie’s silence was deafening as he stared at the bag in defeat unable to tear away his gaze from the evidence Ashley had discovered. His mouth went dry, his voice caught somewhere between self-loathing and guilt of the choices that led him to that very moment.
“OH!.. So you have nothing to say?!” Again, there were no words in response to her confrontation, “God, you are so.. so-” She stammered, her voice quivering with indignation.
“Just say it.” Frankie surrendered, one hand covering his eyes, seeking brief solace from the heat of her anger. 
“-Pathetic! I don’t know why I am even surprised anymore! This is so like you!”
The words stung as they reached Frankie who was sitting at the small dining table. Ashley’s yelling had prompted a sharp cry from Camilla who was only 8 months old. The guilt of losing Tom, the money, and the casualties of that mission haunted Francisco. He hated who he became but couldn’t fight the shadow that loomed over him. Ben had his boxing gig, Will went into overdrive at the VA, Santiago up and left for months at a time, and Frankie, well, he’d come back and dove head first into his only escape; the only thing that kept his body from feeling heavy.
“Ash, I’m s-” He could barely get a word out.
Ashley raised her finger to his face, the anger burned brighter in her eyes, her words laced with pain. "You promised!! Frankie!! You promised that things would be different. That we’d have a better life! But instead, you left me alone, responsible for everything, to care after your fucking kid..”
“Look, you can insult me all you want. I know I’m a piece of shit and I deserve it, okay!?” Frankie’s hands raised in defeat, “I deserve it, but don’t talk about Camila like that ..she’s your daughter too!”
“Well!” A slow clap accompanied her judgemental scoff, “look who finally decide to act like a father that actually gives a damn!”
"I... I never meant for it to come to this, Ash," he finally managed to say, his voice trembling. "I know I've fucked up- repeatedly. But please, believe me when I say that I never stopped caring about you or Camila."
Ashley turned away, her tears flowing freely now. "You have a shit way of showing you care, Frank. Time and time again you prove me right, I can't trust you. I can't keep playing this game."
She ran her fingers through her hair as she stared out the kitchen window “This isn’t what I wanted, Frank. I didn’t want this life, You left me alone in this, meanwhile you’re out there spendng the little money we have just to feel whatever the fuck it is you need” she paused, no longer being able to hold back tears, before she let out what she had wanted to say for the past few months, “I’m done... I’m done with you! We both know none of this is gonna change.”
“Ash, I’m sorry..I’ll get help this time, I promise.”He reached out a hand, desperate to bridge the evergrowing chasm between them.
“Don’t. touch. me.” she pinched the bridge of her nose, and drew a sharp breath “Get the fuck out”
Frankie’s eyes went wide, his words failing him once more.
“GET OUT!!” Ashley managed through her anger, tears now streaming down her face as she threw out a bag of his things and slammed the door. 
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Frankie dusted off the steel green amo box he had stored on his top closet shelf. His hands hesitated to reach the latch. It wasn’t often that the box saw the light of day. In it, Frankie held pictures he didn’t want around the house but that he knew someday Camila would ask for. Pictures of him and Ashley from the night they met, of Ashley’s pregnancy which Frankie begged to take- Ashley who always begrudgingly complied. 
He looked through the old mementos and photos as his hands began to shake. One of Ashley and Cami at the hospital, Camilla’s newborn hat, and the tiny plastic medical ID bracelet among other things. He hesitated knowing what lay at the very bottom of the box. A dainty silver ring that he had bought a few weeks after he found out Ashley was pregnant but could never bring himself to give to her. It seemed like the obvious next step after having a baby.
Frankie always wanted to be a father. When he found out about Ashley’s pregnancy he was terrified but excited nonetheless. Reality hit him hard when the hospital bills came in, one after another. Money was tight and tensions were high between them before he lost his license and only became worse afterwards. Pope’s offer for the Lorea mission was insane but it offered him a chance to provide for his struggling family. A way to prove that all that time in the army and special ops wasn’t wasted. It was a weapon to fight back the voice inside his head that deemed him useless.
It had been a couple of days since Ashley had reached out. Should he respond? Did he even want to? The memories of seeing Camila for the first time, wrapped in a hospital blanket, so tiny and fragile, flooded his mind. The promise he made to himself to protect his little girl at all costs lingered. Now, he faced the difficult question: should he allow the woman who had abandoned him, who had heartlessly left Cami, back into their lives? Would he be selfish as a father if he refused to let Cami see her mom? Ashley had the potential to trigger him, but perhaps she had changed... or had she? His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door, breaking the cycle of contemplation that had consumed him since he opened the box.
“Texted the boys, they’ll meet us at the bar in an hour” Pope pried the door open a bit more when he saw the pictures scattered on Frankie's bed, giving Frankie a knowing glance while he leaned on the door frame, “You good?”
Frankie paused, that period of his life brought on a plague of complicated emotions, “Yeah...I uh- I’m fine”
“What are you going to do?” Santiago glanced over to the phone beside the box on Frankie’s bed.
Frankie dragged his hands over his patchy beard, “I.. don’t want to think about that right now”
“Good. Drinks on me, we’re celebrating tonight!” 
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“We got our pilot back boys!” Ben cheered from the corner of the bar. The “unhappy hour” neon sign provided a dim blue light over the booth where they sat.
“It’s been a long winding road, man. We’re proud of you, Fish!” Will clapped Frankie on the shoulder and handed him a glass
“Never met anyone more deserving..You belong in the sky” Ben added with a genuine smile, glad to see his brother happy again.
Frankie chuckled, “I still can’t fucking believe it. I get to have my wings back!” He sighed with deep relief “In all seriousness, I can’t thank y’all enough. You all had my back when I lost sight of everything that mattered”
“Hey, that’s in the past. You’re our brother, we’d do it all over again- no questions asked” Santiago replied.
Ben nodded in agreement and took a sip of his beer, “So, how does it feel to be back up there?”  
“It's like nothing else, the freedom, the rush, the sense of control... It's fucking indescribable” He grinned, “I’ll take ya next time” I don’t mind the extra flight hours.
“Sign me up, but please, Fish, no more near-death experiences, alright? I had enough of that last time.” 
The men all burst into laughter and clink their glasses together, “to Catfish!”
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Michele practically dragged you out of your apartment. She had agreed to meet a few of her coworkers at a divey bar in town and insisted that you meet them. The night was slightly cooler than most Florida nights but not drastically colder- it is Florida after all, prompting you to wear a thin green cardigan paired with a black mini skirt that highlighted your curves, sheer black tights, and your comfy black combat boots.
She gently clasped your hand, leading you through the bustling crowd, the melody of The Smiths' "This Charming Man" filling the air around you. Your heart nearly skipped a beat as your eyes locked onto Frankie, a beer in hand, making his way towards the illuminated jukebox.
The sight of him left you momentarily breathless. "Everything alright?" Michele's concerned voice breaking through to you.
You blinked, forcing yourself to focus on the present moment. "Yeah, umm... Frankie's here," you managed to reply, your voice tinged with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
Michele's eyes widened in surprise. "He's here?" she echoed, her gaze darting around the bar.
"Over at the jukebox," you informed her with a subtle nod in Frankie's direction.
Her eyebrows raised in approval “Damn, he is fine, but you better go over there before blondie wins him over.”
“Wait, what?” Heat surged in your chest, a stark reminder of the truth you could no longer hide. The thought of someone else with him sent a pang of jealousy coursing through you. Oh no, is that the barista from the coffee shop?
Your eyes were locked in, unable tear away from the scene unfolding before your eyes. When it dawned on you, Frankie was no longer looking at her, he was now looking at you. A subtle spark of recognition and excitement flashed across his eyes, fleeting but unmistakable. Frankie briefly introduced her to Ben, who immediately wore a bright smile, before heading toward you.
“Talk to him!” Michele urged with encouragement, “Have some fun.. And PLEASE have something good to tell me afterward!” She squeezed you tight and handed you her shot of whiskey, “I’ll find you later... if you want me to find you.” She added with a wink before disappearing into the crowd.
As Frankie drew nearer, a surge of anticipation swept over you. With Michele's words echoing in your mind, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was to come. With a quick flick of your wrist, you downed the whiskey Michele had given you, its fiery warmth spreading through your veins, emboldening you for the encounter ahead. You turned around and nearly collided with Frankie, “Oh, Jesus!” You blurted, your heart pounding in your chest as you stumbled back a step, caught off guard by the sudden proximity.
Frankie smiled, appearing amused and slightly concerned, ”Everything alright?” the genuine concern in his voice already putting you at ease.
“Just needed a little liquid courage, I guess” A nervous laugh escaped you.
Frankie chuckled, his eyes twinkling. “Well it looks like you can’t go a week without running into me” He teased, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“I seem to have that effect on people” You chuckled, grasping the silver chain of the clutch you selected for the evening, “What are you doing here?”
“The boys brought me out to celebrate” He paused and leaned in closer, taking in the warm cherry scent of your perfume on the crook of your neck, his voice a hushed whisper, “I passed my pilot exam.”
“You passed the exam!!” Your eyes widened with excitement as you cheered, unable to contain the joy bubbling up within you. Without a second thought, you wrapped your arms around Frankie's neck, drawing him into a tight embrace. “Frankie, this is such great news! I’m so proud of you!” 
Frankie’s grin widened his arms wrapping around you in return, the warmth of your body against his causing his heart to race even faster. “Thank you” he said, his voice tinged with sincere gratitude, “It’s been a long time coming” His eyes lingered over you as he pulled away, your face mere inches away, "You know, I couldn't have done it without your encouragement. Our conversation at the coffee shop meant a lot to me"
Your cheeks flushed pink at Frankie's heartfelt words, a shy smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Well, I'm glad I could help in some way," you replied, your heart swelling with pride and admiration for the man in front of you.
"What are you drinking?" Frankie asked, his eyes sparkling.
"You're here to celebrate you, but you want to buy me a drink?" you teased, raising an eyebrow in mock disbelief.
"Just think of it as another coffee," he winked, his playful demeanor displaying no signs of surrender.
"A whiskey sour, please," you smiled, unable to resist his charm as you watched him effortlessly command the attention of the bartender. His presence seemed to fill the room, making everything else fade into the background.
As you observed him, a smile emerged from the corner of your lips, his hands made your glass seem three times smaller. "He buys me coffee and my drinks," you remarked with a playful sigh, adding a hint of dramatic flair. "A true American hero."
The widest grin spread across Frankie's face. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this at ease. Despite the complexities that could arise in whatever was happening between you both, he pushed those thoughts aside, not wanting to dwell on them, not tonight at least.
"Here," he said, handing you your drink, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. Without hesitation, he casually took your hand, his fingers intertwining with yours "Come on, I want you to meet the guys." 
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“Well, well, well- would you look what the cat dragged back in” Pope revealed a mischievous grin after taking a sip of his beer, his gaze shifting between you and Frankie.
You smiled, “Nice to see you again too, Santiago” 
“I’m just messing, Hermosa” Santiago chuckled, getting up to hug you. “That was meant for Fish.”
“So this is Peech!” Ben exclaimed with a grin, pulling you into a strong and warm embrace, “I know the speech sessions are for our lil Camcam but I can tell you’re great! Fish hasn’t shut up about you since day one!” 
Your cheeks flushed pink, Frankie too smitten by your nervous laughter to pay Ben any mind, aside from a brief sidelong glance in his direction.
“You’re kind of a celebrity ‘round these parts, darlin” Will added sweetly, “It’s good to put a face to the name finally.” 
“Likewise!” you agreed, “Well since we’re all here to celebrate our pilot,” you lightly nudged Frankie, “Why don’t I get us the next round?
 Ben sipped the last of his beer, and set down his glass, “OH I like her!” 
The atmosphere was filled with laughter and positive energy. The men bantered and shared stories of their early days in the military with you. It came to you as a surprise to feel so effortlessly at home with the group. You would have never pictured feeling so at ease while surrounded by men. Your quick wit and charm drew them in. As the night wore on and drinks flowed, Frankie found himself becoming even more infatuated with you, displaying the palpable string of tension that existed between you both. It hung in the air, creating an undercurrent of anticipation and curiosity. The subtle stolen glances, lingering touches, traces of smiles. It all prompted knowing looks from those around the table. Santiago who of course, was the first to notice, wore a mischievous grin, earning him a swift kick under the table. 
“So” Santiago interrupted Ben who had been bragging to you about all the fights he’d won recently, “has Catfish ever told you about Truth or Spare?” Santiago’s eyes eager for your response.
Ben whistled, “oh, here we fucking go”
“Oh come on..its just a game” Santiago hissed.
“What is this? Highschool?” Ben shook his head 
“WhAt Is tHiS HiGhScHoOl?” Santiago mocked in return.
A hesitant look flashed across Frankie’s face,“I don’t know Pope” 
“It’s okay, I want to hear about this.” You chimed.
“He’s trying to get you to play this drinking game we all played when we enlisted in the army.” Will explained, directing a knowing look in Santiago’s direction, “But there’s no pressure.” 
“We all played when we joined the squad” Ben said with a reassuring smile “some supposed way to build trust but really it was our excuse to get drunk on our days off” 
You nodded, curious to learn more, "Hmm.. How do you play?" you looked at Santiago waiting for an explanation. 
"You have to choose between answering a personal question with complete honesty or taking a shot. It's all about testing your limits."
Frankie's hesitant expression didn't ease, but he spoke up nonetheless. "Yeah, but it can get intense. Some questions really push your boundaries, and the drinks add up quickly."
Will half smiled "Shit’s about to get real, but seeing that your drink of choice is whiskey, I take it you can hold your own" He added with a wink.
A mix of excitement and apprehension settled in your chest. "Alright, I’m in."
“Atta girl!” Santiago nodded approvingly. "Welcome to our circle of trust. Just remember, once you start playing, there's no turning back."
You nodded, and met Frankie’s eyes with a playful smirk, "Okay, but Frankie goes first."
As the game kicked off, the group went easy on you. They couldn't help but laugh as you shared stories of your younger self sneaking out on summer nights and the satisfying moment when you finally stood up to your childhood bully after being pushed off your bike countless times. They absolutely loved that one. But as the game progressed, things got more intense. The questions became more personal, pushing boundaries and leading to more serious unearthing. You spilled the beans about that time you accidentally sent a sext to your grandma consequently making her blood pressure drop, sending her to the hospital earning “oohs” and laughs from the group. Pope begrungingly admitted to having a crush on one of Ben's exes. Ben got caught in the act during a threesome by one of the girl's ex-boyfriends, Will confessed to hooking up with the same flight attendant multiple times on different flights, and then there was Frankie, who got stuck in a janitor's closet for four and a half hours after hooking up with a girl at a concert and had to resort to peeing in a bucket (Yep, that was the last time he ever saw her). 
Then Santiago’s question changed the air around you, “Are you seeing anyone?”
“No” Your response quick and easy, too easy to satisfy Santiago’s agenda.
“Do you currently have feelings for someone?” He prodded.
A fiery warmth spread across your chest at his second question, rendering you to an absolute halt. His words seemed to pierce through the din of the crowded bar, leaving you momentarily speechless.
"Um, well, I... I mean, you know, it's complicated," you stammered, your words slurring slightly as you struggled to form a coherent response. Frankie's presence heighten your flustered state, making you feel more unsettled than usual. The alcohol coursing through your veins seemed to amplify your nerves, leaving you feeling jittery and out of sorts.
Desperate for a moment of reprieve, you took another sip of your water, hoping it would help to calm your frazzled nerves. But instead, it only seemed to exacerbate your unease. "I, uh, I just...I do," you blurted out, your eyes widening in alarm as the words escaped your lips. With a sudden rush of embarrassment, you instinctively covered your mouth, as if trying to snatch back the breath you had just spoken.
Ben whistled in response, “Whoever he is, he is a godamn lucky guy” his eyes flickering briefly towards Frankie who held back a smile and preferred to fidget with the corner of his napkin than to look up at you.
You stole a quick glance at Frankie, hoping to gauge his reaction, but he kept his eyes fixed on the table, a faint smile playing at the corners of his lips. Despite his attempts to appear nonchalant, you couldn't shake the feeling that he could see right through you. Before the awkward silence could stretch any further, a buzzing at your hip provided a welcome interruption, breaking the tension that had settled over the table. Grateful for the distraction, you quickly reached for your phone, hoping to find solace in the familiar glow of the screen.
"S-sorry, I gotta take this," you stammered, your voice trembling slightly as you hurriedly scooted out of the booth and made your way to the patio area.
Once outside, you fumbled for your phone, your heart racing with anxiety. With trembling fingers, you answered the call. "Michele... Jesus Christ, I-I've never loved you more," you breathed into the phone.
“Hey, I just wanted to check in, you doing alright?” Her voice tinged with genuine concern.
You breathed in, composing yourself, “Yeah, I’ve been having a great time.” The alcohol coursing through your veins making you increasingly aware of your intoxicated state
“Of course you are chica! you’ve been surrounded by four smoking hot guys practically all night!” she quipped with a sassy tone, “That’s right, I saw them!” 
You couldn't help but giggle at her playful remark as you swayed your way to the balcony.“Where are youu?” You asked, struggling to keep your balance.
“I’m out by the exit, heading out in a few but I wanted to make sure you’re good.” She giggled but not at anything you said. You thought you heard a male voice in the background, murmuring something and calling her "baby."
“Call me if you need anything, yeah? Except for condoms, I only have one of those in my purse” You could practically hear her mischievous smile over the phone.
“OH MY GOD!” You burst into laughter, “love you, I’ll text you when I get home”.
“Love you, bye!” Michele responded, her voice warm with affection before the line went silent. You ended the call and tucked your phone back into your purse, not yet ready to return to the company of your friends inside.
Just as you were about to gather your thoughts, a gentle hand landed on your shoulder, causing you to startle.You spun around faster than you realized you could handle in your current state, only to find Frankie standing there, his hands held out in a gesture of apology.
 “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you”. He said softly, his eyes filled with concern as he steadied you with his touch.
You responded with a shy smile, mesmerized by the way his deep brown eyes sparked, even in the dim twinkling lights of the patio. “It’s okay” 
“I, uh, I wanted apologize about Pope.” His hands lingered on your arms, and you couldn't help but notice the way your heart fluttered at his proximity. “He can get intense”.
“Oh F-frankie, you don’t have to do that, itss all fun and games”. Despite your attempt to remain composed, you found yourself increasingly aware of the effect the game had on you, the warm, fuzzy effect of the drinks settling over your body. So much so that you nearly tripped on your own feet. "Oops!" you giggled, feeling the edges of your cheeks flush with embarrassment. 
“I think it’s time to get you home” Frankie smiled sweetly at your clumsiness before realizing the implication of his own words, “I uh, I mean, not like that. I just–”.
You placed a finger on his lips “Shhh..” quickly stealing a glance of his eyes and back to your finger, your voice soft but insistent “Jussst take me home”, Frankie’s gaze made you nervous “....there’s no way I can drive like this” 
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The bar pulsed with excitement, even though it was well past midnight. Frankie's touch was like a gentle yet firm anchor as he guided you through the sea of people, his presence stirring a whirlwind of emotions within you. You'd often fantasized about what it would be like to spend a night out with him, but never did you think of a moment like this. Frankie opened the car door for you, his eyes filled with a subtle tenderness as he helped you settle into the passenger seat. His caring nature was warm and reassuring. As you glanced around the interior of his car, you couldn't help but notice how spotless it was. Of course, you thought. He did have a military background afterall.
The engine roared to life, the sound blending seamlessly with the melody of Gerry Rafferty's "Right Down the Line" playing softly in the foreground. It was a song you knew well, its familiar notes adding to the magic of the moment. Frankie loved night drives, particularly on nights like tonight when the air carried a hint of coolness. He couldn't help but steal glances at you, as the wind played with your hair, brushing it across your cheeks. He watched with a smile as you sang along to every word of the song without a care in the world. It was as though each lyric held a piece of your soul, released into the air with each heartfelt note. In that moment, under the starlit sky, Frankie found himself captivated by the raw beauty of your uninhibited joy, feeling a warmth spread through him at the sight of your carefree spirit. It was a moment he wished he could freeze in time, etching it into his memory as a reminder of the magic that existed in the simplest of moments spent with you.
Your hand reached for his, reminding him that this, whatever this was, was actually happening. There was this air of trust between you.
"Still feeling okay?" Frankie asked, his voice soft as he glanced at you, his eyes reflecting the dim glow of the streetlights nearby as the car came to a stop.
You nodded, offering him a reassuring smile. “I'm okay. Thank you for driving me home"
Frankie squeezed your hand gently. "Anytime. I want to make sure you’re safe, Hermosa."
A soft blush tinted your cheeks at his words, and you looked out the window, trying to hide your smile. 
Frankie stepped out of the car, and opened the door for you. He offered his hand, assisting you up the stairs that led to your front door. The yellow glow of the overhead bulb cast a warm hue over his features, accentuating the sharp lines of his jaw and the curls in his hair.
As you climbed the steps, lost in thought of his features, you stumbled, your foot catching on the edge. With a surprised yelp, you began to fall forward, but Frankie was quick to react, reaching out to steady you, once again.
"Whoa there clumsy," he chuckled, a smile playing on his lips. "wouldn't want you taking a tumble."
You both couldn't help but laugh at your own tipsy clumsiness, the tension of the moment dissolving into shared amusement. "Thanks," you said, flashing him a grateful smile. "Guess drinks and stairs don’t mix."
Frankie grinned, his eyes sparkling with humor. "No problem, but you know, I've never seen anyone trip going up stairs before. You've got talent!” He chuckled
Your laughter only grew louder at his quip, and after a moment of catching your breath, his eyes met yours and you decided to take a chance. 
You paused, liquid courage spurring you on. "Can I tell you somethin?" you asked, your voice tentative.
"Of course, Hermosa," Frankie replied, his expression curious.
You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before confessing, "I really should have kissed you that first night we met."
For a moment, there was silence between you, the weight of your words hanging in the air. Then, Frankie's smile widened, a warmth filling his gaze as he reached out to gently cup your cheek.
"Then why don't you?" he murmured softly, his thumb brushing against your cheek.
Your heart skipped a beat as Frankie's words hung in the air, sending a thrill coursing through your veins. His touch was electrifying, his thumb tracing gentle circles on your cheek, sending shivers down your spine.
You could feel the heat of his breath against your skin, his lips tantalizingly close to yours, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still as you drowned in the intensity of his gaze.
"Maybe… I will," your voice barely above a whisper, hardly audible over the pounding of your heart.
Frankie's smile widened, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. "I dare you."
With a surge of boldness, you closed the remaining distance between you, your lips meeting his in a sweet, exhilarating kiss. It was everything you had imagined and more, a perfect fusion of passion and tenderness that left you breathless and craving more.
As you pulled away, a grin spread across Frankie's face, his eyes sparkling with joy and affection."Looks like dreams really do come true," he murmured, his voice filled with desire.
Your heart raced as he leaned in for another kiss, his lips crashing into yours. This time with an intensity that sent sparks flying, fueled by hunger and desire.
You melted into him, tangling your fingers in his curls as his kiss deepened, each touch sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body. Frankie's hands reached for your thighs, wrapping you around him, as he carried you up the stairs and into your apartment with ease.
“Bedroom” you managed to breath out in between kisses “Mmm…to the…left”
You collapsed onto the cool sheets of your duvet when Frankie paused “Wait..” his chest rising and falling as he leveled his breath, his tone suddenly serious “let's…let’s slow down a bit”
“Yeah” you responded, a confused look flickered across your face, “Okay, you’re right. We probably should”.
"I like you, a lot," Frankie admitted, his gaze softening as he looked into your eyes. "But I want to do this the right way and–“ He stopped mid thought glancing over at your open bathroom door  “I also couldn’t help but notice that annoying leaky faucet!” 
A laugh bubbled up from your chest, you breathed in still catching your breath “I’ve been bugging the landlord about that for months!”
Frankie grinned, his eyes lighting up. "That's an easy fix! I can come by sometime and help you out with that."
A warmth spread through your chest at his offer, and you couldn't help but smile. "Oh really?” Your voice offering a tone of mischief ,”I'd like that," you replied, feeling a sense of anticipation building between you “I’d like that a lot actually”
Without hesitation Frankie leaned in and planted a quick tender kiss on your forehead before settling beside you. The warmth of his presence beside you filled you with a sense of comfort and contentment, and you couldn't help but snuggle closer, savoring the closeness between you as a comfortable silence enveloped you both. But soon, conversation resumed, flowing effortlessly between you as you discussed your favorite movies, swapping recommendations and sharing anecdotes about awkward date experiences.
Frankie's laughter filled the room as he recounted a particularly embarrassing moment from his past, and you couldn't help but join in, sharing your own humorous stories in return. The more you talked, the more you realized just how much you had in common, and each revelation brought you closer together.
At one point, Frankie leaned in close, his voice low with mock solemnity. "Well, now that we've shared all our embarrassing stories and secrets, what are we going to talk about on our first date?"
A blush crept up your cheeks at his teasing remark, but you couldn't help but laugh. "Guess we'll just have to come up with some new material," you replied playfully.
As the conversation lulled, Frankie glanced at the clock and sighed. "I should probably head home," he said reluctantly.
But before he could move, you reached out and gently grasped his hand, your voice barely above a whisper. "Please stay," you pleaded quietly, "For me."
For a moment, Frankie's expression softened, his gaze meeting yours with a mixture of surprise and tenderness. And without another word, he nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he settled back into bed beside you. 
But before sleep claimed you, Frankie's quiet voice broke the silence. "You know, you're half right about that first night we met."
"What do you mean?" you responded, now propping yourself up to look at him.
"I should've kissed you," he admitted, a hint of regret in his tone. "I should've made you put your number in my phone or something." He chuckled softly, his fingers gently playing with strands of your hair.
Your heart skipped a beat at his confession, "Well, lucky for you, it's not too late," you replied, reaching for his phone on the nightstand, a smile tugging at your lips.
And as you melted into each other's embrace, the world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you wrapped up in the quiet stillness of the night. With the gentle patter of rain as your lullaby, you drifted off to sleep. 
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Chapter 3 / Chapter 5
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edenfenixblogs · 2 months
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Hello, as a non-Jewish person I have read Night because of your posts. I am not very good at articulating my thoughts, and if anything I say brings up questions for you I will try and answer them. The beginning where there is a sense of hope, is so awful because it just constantly gets worse and worse. The worsening of the regulations while the people of his village tell themselves that it is not too bad, but it is terrible, right from the first limitation, and even before it, all the events that led to it.“German laborers were going to work. They would stop and look at us with no surprise” (100), “And the spectators observed those emancipated creatures ready to kill for a piece of bread”(101). This dehumanization, I wonder how did the German citizens live with it? This sentiment continues on to this day, and yet it is dismissed so easily. “I was sixteen” His relationship with his religion is hurt so much, this general feeling of hopelessness that other people around him also feel, “Just like Rabbi Eliahu’s son, I had not passed the test”. He feels such guilt, he tries so hard to help his father, even as he is starving himself.
While I read this book, sometimes I thought that whatever is happening in this book was not that bad. Sometimes they would get a thicker soup and that would make him happy. How awful is that? For this to be normal for him. For this to not be unusual to me. In the stories of the Holocaust that I have learned, these things are not unfamiliar, the starvation, the apathy of other civilians, the death marches. His story has been categorized in my mind as another set of terrible things that were done to a Jewish person during the Holocaust. His story, every single atrocity that was done to him, I can not imagine properly, yet I only feel an undefinable upset over what happened to him. I think there is something wrong with that? I have very recently discovered that I am, in fact, antisemitic, from your posts and someone else that also realized their antisemitism (which you pointed out), and am trying to outgrow it. I am concerned that my reaction to this book is greatly affected by antisemitism. I can’t tell, am I telling myself that his suffering was ok? Am I? In the book, there are often mentions of Jewish culture that I do not know of. For example, “Shavuot” and the New Year being in summertime. I understand that these are google-able questions, but I was wondering if you have resources for a general introduction into Jewish culture and history? I hope by learning more I can dismantle my antisemitism. If you know a better way to do so, I would appreciate if you could let me know! Thank you for the recommendation to read Night, I will read All But My Life next. I am sorry if my concern over my antisemitism reads as shallow, I do not know how else to express it.
Friend, I am SO PROUD OF YOU and SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!!!!
I have said repeatedly that all journeys begin somewhere. More people are antisemitic than are not antisemitic, because that’s how systemic oppression works. You have been taught to hate me.
I thank you for seeing our shared humanity and working to unlearn the harmful things you know.
1. How did the Germans live with the dehumanization? The same way people are living with the dehumanization of Jews now. German antisemitism was deeply tied to antisemitic concepts and tropes that long predated Hitler. These tropes and conspiracy theories had been floating around Europe for a very long time. Furthermore, they have never gone away. All the old tropes and conspiracy theories are resurfacing in the internet age, because the Holocaust only temporarily shamed antisemites, but not enough significant cultural shifts occurred to stop it from rising again.
2. “…sometimes I thought that whatever was happening was not that bad…” I think I see what you are saying. I don’t know your age or where you are from, so I’m not sure if you’ve ever dealt with these kinds of feelings before, let alone how to articulate them — or how to do so in English. But you seem to be horrified by what is happening but you also seem to feel guilt that you find moments of relief in the horrible times as well. I don’t think that makes you a bad person. I just think that makes you a person. The human mind is not built to comprehend trauma on the scale seen during The Holocaust. It instinctively tries to find moments of reprieve that prove things aren’t that bad. And, to be fair, Judaism applauds this. It is a very Jewish idea that we should always look for moments of joy even when our hearts are steeped in misery. Because life is joy. And it is sometimes impossible to wrap our minds around how joyless life can be, and often was for Jews during this time. But your instinct to recognize the impulse to say “well, this day/moment/experience wasn’t so bad” and correct yourself to say, “actually this is a horrific terrible thing that just wasn’t as bad as that other horrific terrible thing that just happened” instead is a good instinct. One of the reasons the Holocaust occurred was because both Jews and non-Jews gave in to this instinct to minimize suffering. Jews minimized our own suffering and clung to hope until it was too late too late to fight back successfully. From the moment we were told to register on lists and wear stars and get on trains, we all should have fought. We should have fought louder and more to condemn Hitler while he was on the rise and to shame those who would vote for him. But ultimately, we were still outnumbered terribly and nothing we did could have stopped the horrors that followed if non-Jews didn’t support us. Non-Jews, of course, bare the true guilt and responsibility for the Holocaust. They refused to question their own hatred. They turned a blind eye to the rising antisemitism. They abandoned their friends in need. They complied with hostile forces who threatened them in order to betray the Jews around them.
Your job as a non-Jew is to never repeat those mistakes. Never let an instance of antisemitism go unremarked on. Ever. And learn what antisemitism looks like. Refuse to ever let it exist or ignored in your presence.
Everyone likes to pretend they would do this, but very few ever do. The reality is that some people hate Jews so much, they will stop being your friend for defending us. And to be a good person, you have to be willing to let those people leave your life if they are unwilling to let go of their hate and learn to do better. The reality is that, at some point, you may very well be asked to choose to reject a friend for the sake of the safety of Jews you have never and will never meet. The good news is that this is not the case the majority of the time!
Most people want to consider themselves good people. And most people want the approval of their peer groups.
Your job is to steer the attitude of your peer group away from antisemitic thinking and toward peace and deconstruction of hateful systemic antisemitism—rather than allowing your peer group to steer you toward the comforting familiarity of Jew-hatred.
3. “…I have recently discovered that I am antisemitic…” I forgive you. As I said, most people are. I draw a distinction between someone who is antisemitic and someone who is an antisemite. You have harmful and negative opinions about Jews because of the systemic bigotry you have been surrounded by your whole life. But this hatred has not become your identity. You recognize this hatred as a part of you that must be discarded. Antisemitism is something you have, not something you are. And you are doing the right things to make sure you stop being antisemitic. This, to me, means you are not an antisemite. If you give up and stop caring about Jews and unlearning these harmful thought patterns, that would make you an antisemite. Because that would mean you are comfortable folding the antisemitism you possess into your identity and sense of self. It seems to me you do not wish to do this. And that means you’re growing and changing for the better. And that is beautiful.
4. “I am concerned that my reaction to this book is affected by antisemitism.” Yeah it probably is. But so is most people’s reaction to this book. That’s the point. Your being willing to confront that is what is important. It is about looking at the places where you lose empathy for Jews, asking yourself why, and then fixing the reason you find.
5. “Am I telling myself his suffering was ok?” I think you’re doing the opposite. I think you’re re-sensitizing yourself to something you were de-sensitized to. That is difficult and admirable.
6. Regarding Jewish culture:
6.a. “Shavuot” is a Jewish holiday. It is the anniversary of the day G-d gave the Torah to the Israelites. In general, a good way to familiarize yourself with stuff like this is to look for resources about Jewish holidays and what they mean. Hebcal offers short summaries of each Jewish holiday that you can import into your phone calendar and learn about as they happen. Wikipedia has a page about Jewish holidays that you can explore. So does the Jewish Virtual Library.
6.b. Jewish culture is vast and impossible to summarize simply. I would recommend starting with the Wikipedia Page on Jewish Culture and exploring whatever seems interesting to you. You’ll never learn it all and that’s ok! I’ve never met a Jew who knows it all either! We have so many subcultures all over the world shaped by unique experiences in diaspora. The most important thing to take away is that no matter how far apart we are or how differently we practice, we are all one people whose goal is to love our fellow humans and do our best to make the world a better place. This is called Tikkun Olam, which means repairing the world. This in itself is a huge concept. But it all relates to making the world better for one another.
I think you are doing a beautiful and amazing thing. And you, by choosing to remove hate from your mind and your actions, are actively making the world a better place. You are repairing some of the damage done by systemic antisemitism.
You are doing Tikkun Olam. And that, in every possible situation, is the best thing you can ever do. Thank you, @JellyMarbles
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taylorkellyreporting · 4 months
Text
i hope no one minds if i inconsistently liveblog this bitch: doctor who season one from 1x04
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1x04
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HELLO??
A WHOLE YEAR???
shit
“you’re 900 years old?” “yeah.” “my mum was right, that is one hell of an age gap.” lmfaooo
“i’m the only person who knows it exists.” spoke too soon
damn, he left her. i wonder if the key he gave her was even real.
it was a pig 😭
OH NOOOO
every time they get separated, shit goes off the rails
IS HE GONNA KILL HER MOM?!
1x05
girl, FUCK the emergency protocols
“sorry.” 😭
that shit was intense
“my mother’s cooking.” “good, put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.” CACKLING
i feel so bad for her mom :(
1x06
this episode really is…something.
why the fuck is the doctor just offering up all of this information???
he really should have seen this coming
*pretends to be shocked*
their cockiness is gonna get them killed
i never want rose and the doctor to be separated EVER again
“what use are emotions if you won’t save the woman that you love?” damn
don’t know how i feel about this dude joining them
1x07
“he’s your boyfriend.” “not anymore.” did i miss something???
something’s wrong…
is that guy dead?
i don’t trust adam at all
rose is so stupid. i could understand if it was mickey she was trusting but she doesn’t even know this man
huh, that was unexpected.
what the actual fuck
1x08
this ep’s gonna be so sad
the doctor never should’ve taken her to that day
“alright, i’ll tell him you’re not my boyfriend.” obsessed with her thinking that was the issue 😭
not important but jackie looks really good with her hair like that
well. that was heartbreaking.
1x09
sorry, but if a kid wearing a fucking plague mask was repeatedly saying “mummy” in an eerie voice, i would have turned and walked the other way. r.i.p. to rose but i’m different
what part of “don’t answer it.” is hard to understand? lmao
“excellent bottom.” gross.
i know i sound like a broken record but what the fuck?!
this is one creepy ass episode
this dude is coming on so strong dkgjgks
“finally, a professional.” rose, be serious.
“they’re not dead.” okay.
girl, what the fuck?
1x10
i can’t believe that worked lmfaooo
“those would’ve been terrible last words.” 😭
“half this street thinks your missus must be messing about with mr haverstock, the butcher. but she’s not, is she? you are.” SCREAMING
“i sent it to its room. this is its room.”
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that’s fucking terrifying
“the first day i met him, he blew my job up. that’s practically how he communicates.” pls
“okay, so he’s vanished into thin air. why is it always the great- looking ones who do that?” “i’m making an effort to not be insulted.” “i mean…men.” “okay, thanks, that really helped.” fkfhhgdj
i hate jack for interrupting their dance. IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD.
“carry on with whatever you were…doing.” “we were talking about dancing.” “it didn’t look like talking.” “didn’t feel like dancing.” 😭
these episodes are so fucking creepy but they’re definitely the best of the season
oh my God, he’s her son
THEY’RE DANCING 🥹
1x11
i can’t wait for mickey’s reaction to jack
“trust me, safest place in the universe.” famous last words
i hope the doctor doesn’t trust her
poor mickey
“it’s always the doctor, it’s never me.” buddy you should’ve known you weren’t first choice when she left you in the beginning
she’s an egg 😭
1x12
i almost don’t want to press play.
lmao, what the hell
it always comes back to floor 500
oh shit, the doctor cause all of that?
WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
rose can’t be dead
THANK GOD
i can’t believe the daleks actually survived
1x13
i’m not ready to say goodbye to nine
rose is getting a taste of her own medicine with the doctor and lynda djfjgjs
HE KISSED THEM BOTH 😭 I LOVE JACK
i can feel my heart breaking
who the fuck is bad wolf if it isn’t the daleks???
mickey’s really getting on my nerves this ep
HELLO
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“there’s nothing left for me here.” ‘nothing?” “no.” she’s RUTHLESS 😭 but honestly he shouldn’t be surprised at this point
JACK ☹️
“i am the bad wolf.” BITCH???? WHAT????
i got my kiss but at what cost
OH SHIT THEY LEFT JACK
all i feel is pain
that’s it??? how am i ever going to move on from eccleston? how the hell are you guys strong enough do this every season? cause i’ll tell you how i’m doing: not well, bitch!!
57 notes · View notes
makeitmingi · 8 months
Text
Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 31]
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Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst
Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)
Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities
Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.
Word count: 3.2K
With the main title song completed and approved, the Ateez boys had been busy learning the choreography and practicing. You were working with the other producers on the other songs that would be in the album too.
"Before I go, Indigo. I wanted to speak to you." Eden said. You turned away from your computer to face him.
"So I am aware that you have been in a relationship with Mingi for a while now." He stated. At his words, your stomach sank and your heart stopped.
"I-I... I'm so sorry, Eden." You shook your head, standing up and bow repeatedly to him.
"There's no need to apologise, Indigo." Eden said. You still didn't feel calmed down, looking at the conflicted look on his face.
"As a friend, I congratulate the both of you. But as your senior... I would caution the both of you to be careful with how you act around each other in the presence of others." Eden advised.
"We will be more careful, Eden." You promised.
"With the comeback coming up and you just starting your career outside of the underground scene and you know Mingi had some heat for taking a few breaks, I would hate for things to get ugly and out of hand. If you know what I mean..." He hinted. You nodded, fully aware of what he meant without him needing to say it.
"Ateez doesn't have a dating ban. From the start, it was always established by the management but you know how scary some fans can be." He said.
"No matter what, I would always put Mingi before myself. As long as he is safe and unharmed, I will take the heat for it." You said with determination. Eden gave a nod.
"I won't tell the management. It's not my place to tell." Eden sighed.
"Thank you." You bowed. You didn't bother asking Eden how he knew because it didn't matter to you at this point, he already knew.
"But you do know that when it comes down to it, the company has to choose to protect their artist." He said. That was fine, in fact, you would prefer them to protect Ateez and Mingi over you.
"Of course I hope it doesn't get to that point. You have a really bright future and career as a producer Indigo. I would hate for you to disappear underground again. There's so much more you can do above ground." He chuckled.
"Thank you for saying that. I won't let it get to that point, I promise. For Ateez and Mingi's safety and career. They've been through too much to be scrutinised again." You said.
"You're really selfless, Indigo. Willing to forgo your career for them." He raised an eyebrow.
"That's what love does, I guess. Not just between Mingi and I but with all the Ateez boys. They grow on you." You giggled.
"I understand that." He nodded, having ben there.
"Plus, Mingi's been happier. You can tell when you look at him and work with him. He's more productive and more positive, in terms of his anxiety too." He smiled.
"That's all him. It has nothing to do with me." You shook your head, not wanting to take any of that credit away from Mingi. Even if Eden disagreed, he didn't correct you. He merely nodded his head.
"Alright, that's the busy work senior side. But as a friend, I'm happy for you and Mingi. Congratulations." Eden chuckled, standing up to give you a hug. You laughed along and wrapped your arms around him. When he moved to leave your studio and let you get back to work, you stopped him.
"Actually, there's something else I need to talk to you about..." You chewed on your bottom lip.
Mingi yawned, coming out of his room. He massaged his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen, feeling the ache from the long hours of dance practice.
"Captain." Mingi bowed his head, acknowledging the male.
"Mingi ah..." Hongjoong started. Mingi hummed in question as he faced the fridge, looking for a cold drink.
"Eden knows about you and Indigo..." Mingi stopped at Hongjoong's words. His eyes widened as he closed the fridge and turned around to face him properly.
"What did you say?" Mingi asked, hoping he heard wrongly.
"Eden knows about your relationship. I'm giving you a heads up. I told you two to be more careful." Hongjoong frowned slightly. He didn't want to lecture Mingi for being physical with you when you were dating but he was the leader of the group, he had to think about how this would affect everyone.
"We are careful, hyung. Indigo sets very strict boundaries when we're at work." Mingi argued.
"Well, you were obviously not careful enough for people outside the group to now know." Hongjoong pointed out. There was no point in arguing when it was the truth.
"Is he going to tell?" He cast Hongjoong a side glance.
"No, he won't. But he asked me if I knew and how long have I known." Hongjoong crossed his arms. Mingi let out a sigh of relief.
"But we don't have a dating ban, hyung. The fans knew that since we debuted and would expect it, sooner or later. It could be any one of us." Mingi reasoned.
"Yes, they may expect it. But that doesn't mean they will react well to it. We're talking about safety here, Mingi ah. Not just yours but Indigo's, Haneul's, your family's, even the rest of the other members." Hongjoong said.
"I'm only saying this because I want to know if you and Indigo are prepared." Hongjoong sighed.
"Prepared for?" Mingi asked quizically.
"The worst. If the company finds out and when the fans find out. What sacrifices are you going to make? Where do your priorities lie? Where does Indigo play into all this?" He explained.
"Whatever it is, Indigo is my priority. I promised her that I'll keep her and Haneul safe. That's the bottom line." Mingi said firmly.
"I won't let all this harm the members, hyung. If anything happens, this is all on me and me only. I'll take whatever blame and responsibility." He added.
"Let's hope it doesn't get to that point then." Hongjoong looked at Mingi with knowing eyes.
The captain didn't say much more and left the kitchen. While he was proud of Mingi for being courageous and putting you before himself and his career, Hongjoong was worried. He treasured the both of you like his younger siblings, he wouldn't want to lose any of you because of a scandal like this.
"Mingi ah. You okay?" Yunho, having heard the whole conversation, emerged from behind the wall.
"Mhmm. I'm fine." Mingi lied through his teeth. He clenched his jaw, turning around to face the fridge, stoically getting an iced coffee out to drink.
"You know Hongjoong hyung is worried about both you and Indigo. It's hard for him." Yunho said. Mingi nodded glumly.
"We're with you. Whatever you need." Yunho reminded.
"Thanks, Yun." Mingi gave a nod.
"I'm going to call her and tell her. If Eden hyung hasn't spoken to her, she should at least know that he knows and be prepared for it." Mingi stated and walked out of the kitchen.
Yunho looked at Mingi's retreating back. He was worried for his best friend. Mingi has become genuinely happier after being with you. But if your relationship were to get out, the whole group would suffer with the two of you suffering the most.
"Hey. Can you talk?" Mingi pressed the phone to his ear.
"Yeah... I was actually just about to call you but I got held up at my meeting." From the tone of your voice, Mingi already knew that you knew.
"I'm guessing Eden already spoke to you?" He asked. There was a short pause before the sigh and the hum from you.
"Are you okay?" He asked further.
"I am. Don't worry. We just have to be more careful in the future. And Eden said he's not going to tell the management. We can't let things get out of hand." You were trying to sound calm and positive.
"How much more careful can we be? I already barely see you and we work in the same building." Mingi openly expressed his frustration.
"I know that. We don't have a choice now, do we, Mings? We're lucky that it's Eden this time, someone we're both close to. Had it been another staff member we're not familiar with, who knows what they could do? Them telling the management would be the least of our worries at that point."
"You're right. I'm sorry." Mingi sighed.
"No need to be sorry, Mings. We're both scared but it's going to be okay. We'll be okay." You promised. Mingi hated that you had to calm him down when you were probably feeling the same way as him.
"We'll work together. Just please... Please don't leave me." Mingi caved and let his real fear show.
"I won't, Mings."
"Okay, I'll let you go back to work. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'll see you tonight?" He said. Mingi was going to come over when his practice ended.
"Sure. And thanks for checking in, I'm glad we talked right away. Yes, I'll see you after your practice tonight."
"I love you." Mingi blurted.
"I love you too." You chuckled and hung up.
Mingi dropped onto his bed as he stared at the ceiling. He turned his head to see the photo of you on his nightstand. You didn't know he had this photo because he had taken it secretly. You were looking out the window with a soft smile on your face.
"Beautiful." Mingi said softly, a small smile of adoration appearing on his face. He was worried you would run away because he wanted to run away. But he couldn't do that to you and the others.
"Everyone get ready for practice!" Hongjoong's yelling sounded out through the dorm.
"I'll see you later." Mingi kissed the photo and went to change.
"I'm pumped and ready!" Wooyoung jumped up and down. From the demeanour and behaviour of the others, Mingi's guessing that they don't know what happened.
"I think Atiny will like the songs and dance." Yeosang smiled.
"And we have two songs! One title and one performance song. Double kill." San made slicing actions with his hands.
"Of course they will like it. This song was made by the amazing brain of Producer Indigo." Jongho scoffed. Once everyone was accounted for, Hongjoong ushered everyone out. They climbed into their vans, driven by their managers. Mingi put his AirPods in, keeping his cap low as he let the music drown out his thoughts.
"I miss Indigo. We've all been so busy, we work in the same building but it's like two separate countries." Wooyoung shook his head with a click of his tongue.
"Mangi ah. Have you seen her recently? Or spoken to her?" Wooyoung sat up in his seat.
"I haven't seen her. We called but she's busy and we don't want to disturb each other." Mingi replied. Seeing Mingi put his AirPod back on, Wooyoung nudged Yunho and threw a nod over to Mingi.
"He was up working on lyrics so he's tired." Yunho smoothly lied.
"Juggling producing and performing is not easy." San shook his head, looking at Mingi with sympathy.
When the vans pulled up, the boys all stepped out. They piled into the lift and headed up to the dance studio. While waiting for their choreography team, they spread apart to start warming up on their own. When the door opened, their CEO walked in.
"CEO Kim." All 8 of them stood up, going to where he was at the doorway and standing in a line to bow to him. The suited male smiled at the 8 of them.
"Hello, boys. Working hard on your comeback?" He asked.
"Yes." The 8 of them chimed. It was like they were all trainees, waiting to impress for the chance to debut.
"Good, good. I know all of you are hard workers. Indigo has proven to be an asset to the producing team." He nodded. Mingi couldn't help but stiffen when he mentioned you.
"Are you doing okay, Mingi?" He asked.
"Y-Yes, sir. I'm okay, thank you for your concern." Mingi bowed his head.
"That's good to hear. Ateez is the best when we have all 8 of you together." He said. Everyone nodded in agreement while Mingi let out a mental sigh of relief, the CEO hadn't noticed his slight reaction and was only referring to the break Mingi took from group activities because of his anxiety.
"Anyway, I just dropped by to say hello and see how you guys were coming along with practice. I'm going to meet with the producing team now. All the best boys." CEO Kim explained.
"Thank you." The 8 of them all bowed to him again.
"Thank you for dropping by, sir." Hongjoong stepped forward and shook his hand. Giving the captain a pat on the shoulder, the CEO left the practice studio.
"The CEO seems to like Indigo. That's good." Seonghwa smiled like a proud mother.
"Hyung, you look like a proud parent." Wooyoung snickered.
"I feel like one. Knowing that my child just got praised." Seonghwa clutched his heart, closing his eyes dramatically. They all continued warming up until the choreographer and his team came.
"Please take care of us." The 8 of them bowed.
"Likewise. Thank you for all the hard work you've been putting in everyone. Let's have another safe and productive dance practice session." The choreographer smile and everyone clapped, nodding in agreement. They picked up from where they left off.
You were working on the music tracks when your doorbell rang. You paused the music and stood up, going to the door. Your eyes widened when you saw the CEO and Eden there.
"CEO Kim." You immediately bowed deeply to greet him. In reality, your heart was pounding in your chest. Did he find out?
"Hi, Indigo. I just came to see how the progress of the tracks are." He smiled kindly.
"Oh, yes! Please, come in." You stepped aside to invite them in. As he walked past you, Eden squeezed your shoulder, a signal for you to breathe and calm down.
"So the title track is done. Which is the choreography that the group is learning now. We're finishing up the performance track and we should be done within the next 3 days." You explained.
"Okay. What about the b-side tracks? I want the b-side tracks to be just as good as the titles." He said.
"Of course, sir. I completely understand. We're still working on the editing for the b-side tracks. We just got the raw vocals for track 7 and will work on it to get it done as soon as possible." You said. You were glad you wore your mask now so that it could hide your nervous, fearful expression.
"Alright. Good to see the tracks coming along well and on schedule. You really impressed me and the board with your track submissions. Eden did a good job bringing you in." He complimented.
"Ah, thank you." You bowed awkwardly.
"Would you consider signing on full time as a producer here? I think you have a lot to offer." He asked.
"I-I... I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, sir. If it's okay with you, I would like to just focus on this comeback first before deciding anything." You rubbed the back of your neck.
"That's a good mindset. I hope you will consider that as an option. Terms and conditions are flexible. We'll protect your identity if necessary." He promised.
"I'll keep that in mind, sir. Thank you."
"Yes, we'll definitely speak again after the comeback." He patted your shoulder. You nodded with a meek smile.
"Make sure to give the names of the members that worked on the tracks to the marketing and promotion department. The fans like seeing that, shows that the boys are a part of the writing and producing process." CEO Kim said to you and Eden.
"Of course." You both replied.
"I won't hold you for too long. It was nice speaking with you, Indigo. I wish you all the best and thank you for working hard on this comeback." He held his hand out to shake.
"Thank you for giving me this opportunity and for putting so much trust in me." You shook his hand.
"Let's discuss more in your office, Eden." He turned to your senior. You walked the both of them to the door, bowing once again.
"Oh my gosh..." You leaned back against the closed door, sliding down from your legs just completely giving out. You let out a shaky breath, finally breathing normally again.
After working for a few more hours, you took a bus home. You made a really quick and simple dinner, setting aside a portion under some covers for Mingi to have in case he was hungry later. With music playing in the background, you ate your dinner and went to take a quick shower.
'Hey, baby. Sorry, I'm running a little late. Don't wait up! - Mings'
Seeing the message from him, you turned off the lights outside and went to your home studio to work.
'Thank you for your revised track for the OST. We will create the lyrics and discuss on the singer that will perform the track. If you have any recommendations, please let us know.
- Representative'
You leaned back in your chair and smiled happily, proud that they finally approve of the OST track. You did some light work until you felt tired. Honestly, you did want to wait for Mingi, to welcome him and hug him.
"Ateez... Mingi fancam." You searched on your phone and watched a compilation of Mingi on stage to try to keep yourself awake.
"Baby? I'm here." Mingi called out softly when he entered the house. He spoke softly, worried that you would be asleep already. The house was dark, except for one kitchen light you left on.
'Didn't know if you had dinner but I prepared something for you. I know you're watching your carbs so I put the meat in lettuce wraps instead. - Love, (y/n)'
Mingi melted at your note. He folded it carefully and tucked it into his bag, not wanting to lose it.
"Fix on!" Mingi heard his own voice coming from the bedroom and walked in to find you asleep. You were holding your phone.
"What's this?" He tilted his head to watch the video playing on your phone.
'Mingi Fancam Compilation #4'
He cupped his hand over his mouth to stop his laughter from escaping and waking you up. This really made his day, all the tiredness just dissipated. Mingi actually left the room to laugh in the living room on his own. Why did he think it was so endearing of you to watch videos of him when he wasn't around?
"I love you so much." Mingi leaned over you to kiss your forehead. He gently removed the phone from your grasp and charged it on your nightstand before going to shower.
~
Series Masterlist
106 notes · View notes
heyybaejjk · 2 months
Text
SAU LA'U TAMA AULELEI ! - CHAPTER 5
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pairing; teen miguel o'hara x fem samoan oc
summary; Manaia hates the weekend.
warnings/notes; manaia getting walked in on, CREEPY UNCLE WE ALL HATE EM YK. a little junior x manaia sibling moment 🥹 this was indeed proofread poorly. HA.
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series masterlist | prev chap | next chap
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Manaia had spent her Saturdays either working, cleaning or babysitting. Often, it was all three in that exact order. She'd wake up at 6 am and get ready for her job that paid absolute shit, and return home to a filthy house. Of course, her mother was no use. Her uncle that just moved in was no use. However, they'd complain about anything and everything not looking the way they wanted it to. Her other siblings who liked to be in and out of the house were also no use. And Junior, well, he is still a clueless child who's barely explored the world, let alone school. To Manaia, she'd admit babysitting was the worst of them all. Her mother and uncle were out, leaving an underaged child to look after another underaged child.
Now, if there was one thing more annoying than a Saturday full of deep cleaning, then there wasn't much to be excited about on a Sunday morning. At all.
For it to only be 6 am, it was too early for it to be this loud. Manaia groaned into her pillow, blocking her ears as she heard her mother's loud voice echoing through the walls. Her younger brother was hugging her arm trying to dwell more in dreamland, but they both found it useless as they were unable to fall back into slumber.
"Get up! Get ready for loku! [church]" the elder's voice rung through every corner of their small house.
"Mhh," Manaia got up, scratching her head in anger as the yelling turned into chants of her name repeatedly. "Okay, I'm up," she says to herself as a response.
She finds herself laughing as she watches her younger brother, Junior, consumed by all three thick blankets. So that explains why she was cold throughout the whole night, "Wake up, baby, we have to get ready."
"But I'm tired," the boy gets up and rubs his eyes, Manaia wraps an arm around his shoulder while smiling, "I know, but you'll see your friends at church the faster you get ready, yeah?" She tries to sway her brother.
He smiles immediately at the thought, "You're right."
"I always am, now go wake up Pele before mum starts yelling again," She laughs as her brother sulks at the thought.
Manaia had spent her sweet time looking around for the perfect dress to go with the sei Miguel had gifted her, but every dress she had was either too dark or too light to suit the colours she had. She dug further into her cupboards, squealing with excitement as she found the perfect puletasi.
Changing immediately, she sat on her bed and took off her top. Midway of changing without a single warning, the door swung open. Manaia yelped in surprise, wrapping her front with her blanket.
"Sorry, your mum told me to tell you to hurry up." A deep voice informed, a hint of smug in their tone.
She looks at the door and there stood a relative of hers. One she never liked. He was cocky, prideful, as well as a fucking creep. Manaia knew well to keep her distance.
Frightened to respond, she nods her head and mutters a small thank you.
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"Where's my ofu loku? I gave it to you to iron."
"No, you didn't. You said put it in the wash."
"YOU- Kiuga, don't fuck with me right now."
Both latter's shut their mouth as a shout runs through the walls of the small house, "Kiuga! Siana and her kids are coming over so we can go loku together, did you puga the kipoki!?" [ boil the kettle? ]
Kiuga groans in annoyance looking over at David, "I thought I told you to- nevermind," he sighs, yet think nonetheless that standing and doing nothing about his problem would do anything, "Okay, find me a white button up and a black ie at least? I'm going to clean before Nai comes," he leaves the room.
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Manaia could feel herself growing a migraine. She was stuck between a guy who seemed to be scared of using deodorant - who also had the choice to sit in the empty front seat - and a kid who did nothing but cry because his mother yelled at him and sent him death glares through the rearview mirror. It didn't seem to help when her phone was on 7% and her headphones were forgotten at home.
Her hopes of a good morning are high when their car is parked outside Kiuga's house. She wishes to run out the car and knock on the door, but is crushed when her mother demands she help Junior fix his outfit as it's stained with snot and tears. He would not have been crying if her mother had learnt not to be so aggressive in the morning. Or in general.
Her mother and uncle leave the car.
She sighs, her heart breaks at the sight of her brother looking up at her with teary eyes. Gently wiping his snotty face, she cupped his cheeks and gave him a comforting smile, "Are you okay, my honey?"
Junior shakes his head, hiccuping back a cough. His breathing slows down.
"It's okay not to feel okay, baby. Would you like a hug?"
Without an answer, he wraps his arms around Manaia's waist.
"Mum's a meanie," Junior whispers with a pout on his face.
"Mum's just getting old. She can be very impatient, she doesn't mean to hurt other people's feelings," she runs a calming hand up and down his back.
"Are you going to be mean to me when you're old?"
"No, Jay. I can never be mean to you," she sighs.
Manaia looks out the window, just as Kiuga rushes to the door of the car and opens it with a wide smile, "Manaia!"
He looks over to Junior who's engulfed by his friend's arms, "Hey, Jay," he says softly, he takes a seat beside Manaia. Placing an arm on her shoulder as he smiles at the small boy.
"You're a strong boy, you'll be fine," he ruffles his hair. Junior smiles through his tears.
"Where's David?"
"Right here!"
The three look over at the opened car door, the feeling of being squished together in a small car was no problem at this point in their life, this wasn't their first time doing so. David pushes Kiuga over, forcing his big form into the car.
Since young, Manaia wasn't fond of finding friends. Places like school, family gatherings, and drink-ups her mother would host were insanely too much. It was crowded and full of people. Church of all things were the worst. Something about teaching people how to live "right", don't do this, don't do that, would be drilled into their ass, only for sin to be penetrated right into their minds right after a sermon. Hypocritical kids who would make fun of her for having a mother who drank and drank, who all unknowingly had fathers that were long gone because of the same sitch her mother was in. Her older siblings were no help to her problem either. They only made things worse for her at home.
She had her baby brother. He was enough. He was everything.
Until two beaming families had joined. There, she was introduced to Kiuga and David. Two cousins who lived a few houses down from each other, but shared the bond of two siblings. Just like Manaia and Junior.
They hung out at church. They hung out at Bible studies. They moved to her school and grew even closer. And that was where they all met Sione. Her now, best friend.
Speaking of which, Manaia's phone dings.
Sione <3: Naia, can you bring those white chips you gave me last time? 😞😞 I'll come early to school if you do i swear
"You're only use your messaging app? Did you delete your socials again?" Kiuga asks upon seeing seeing Sione's contact name.
Manaia nods her head, "Only for a while so I can study properly without my mum complaining. Do not Disturb barely works on me because I end up going on my phone anyway."
buzz buzz
(bololicker) M.Ohara_99 has sent a message to pussy eatersssss
M.Ohara_99: Good morning, everyone. I hope you have a good service today at church. Blessings to the three of you.
A smile creeps onto David's face.
"Is that the girl you've been texting for a few months now?" Kiuga asks beside him. He shakes his head.
"Nah, just Mig being Mig," he whispers, hoping the mention of Manaia's small crush doesn't get her all flustered.
"You know.. she's wearing the sei he got her," David raises a brow, "I think you should show him."
The two whisper to each other, Manaia looks over to them in concern, "Are you okay?"
They nod their head and smile at her.
David intervenes in their moment of silence, "Oh Naia, can I take a photo of you wearing your sei? I just want to make sure I get the right one for my mum when I go shopping next week," he winks slyly at Kiuga, who which he rolls his eyes at.
Manaia agrees blindly, "Get Junior and I in it! Come closer, baby," she wraps her arms around his head and he's forcefully squished between her arms and stomach, nonetheless the boy giggles.
"And.. there! Thanks, Nai."
David hits send and grins evily at Manaia.
"What is it?" She asks.
"Nah, nah, nothing."
buzz buzz
David chuckles to himself at Miguel's reaction.
M.Ohara_99 has replayed your photo!
M.Ohara_99 has taken a screenshot of your photo!
M.Ohara_99 is typing...
M.Ohara_99: She's effortlessly beautiful.
bololicker: you should come and tell her that yourself miggs 😼
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"Ew! Get off, you're drooling on me!" Manaia squeals moving her shoulder as Kiuga groans at the interruption of his slumber.
"Sorry, what did I miss?"
"Nothing much," David whispers, "Pastor just mentioned another funeral we have to save money up for."
"Nothing much? Another funeral? David, that's so mean. That's so much to miss!" Manaia growls both the boys off for their behaviour.
"Who the hell died this time?"
Their voices were hushed down to a whisper as they sat at the back of everyone.
"It's so cold, why do they always blast the AC in here?" Kiuga comments.
"Cause everyone's too broke to have an aircon at home so they use it as much as they can-"
The three big AC's on the walls turn off.
"It's hot now, thanks a lot, Kiuga," Manaia says.
"How is it my fault!?" Kiuga bursts out as David and Manaia shake their head disapprovingly at him.
"I don't know, maybe God got sick of your complaining and turned the AC off for you to shut the fuck up."
"David, we're in church!"
"Ugh, it's so hot!" He leans back into his chair.
"If it's hot here, then imagine the heat in Samoa."
"Imagine the heat in Hell! If you three don't quiet down, I'll make sure you'll quiet down there!" An old lady that was sat right in front of them turned around, sick of their banter.
"Sorry, aunty," Manaia apologises, giving a toothy smile.
David groans, "Why couldn't it be her funeral we're going to?" He sneakily whispers to his close friends.
"David, don't be mean."
"I'm just saying."
"Manaia, I'm going to look so fucking good at this funeral. My chains and rings, all that shit."
"Kiuga, stop talking about it like it's a party. Someone died."
"Well everyone cries, then eats at the big ass table of food right after the service like it was nothing."
"Yeah," David chimes in, "Why go somewhere with a big feed and not look good?"
"...You're both right."
"When are we not?"
She shoves Kiuga in the side as he laughs.
Looking across the other side of the hall, she tries to spot her younger brother sitting with his friends. Smiling happily at the sight of Junior listening attentively to the sermon. She internally cringes at the sight of her uncle looking back at her.
Awkwardly looking anywhere but at him, Manaia focuses her attention back to the front.
"The hell is your uncle doing here? I thought he got deported." An annoyed Kiuga says.
"I thought he got deported twice back to Sa," David comments.
"My mum is letting him stay with us, don't know how long for."
"Speaking of your mum, where's Pele?"
"Home," Manaia says quickly, "She got into an argument with my mum this morning-"
"Are we going to ignore your creepy uncle just looking at you?"
"I rather just ignore him, stop looking his way-"
"If you three do NOT be quiet-"
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@zdawg14 hi :>
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skeletonsslut · 7 months
Text
i’m sorry.
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pairing: sam winchester x female!reader
warnings: character death (reader), angst, tears, general pain
summary: after the heartbreaking and gruesome death of y/n l/n, sam listens to the only thing left of her: tapes.
notes: this is poorly written and not proofread by any means. also written at 4am :)
wc: 1028
“Hello? Check one, check two. Uh, well, hi, it’s Y/N, but you already know that,” She cuts herself off with a small chuckle — one that doesn’t go unnoticed by Sam. Her melodic laugh rings repeatedly through his mind, bouncing off of the walls of his head, on an endless loop. He hasn’t heard her laugh in so, so long and he’d do anything to hear it again — well, with these tapes in front of him, he’d have to be a bit more specific — he’d do anything to hear her laugh again, in person. Or, even better, to see her, full of life and standing in front of him, saying what he saw was all kind of sick dream. That’s all he wants.
But, realistically, that just wasn’t going to happen. Sam wasn’t naïve, and he wasn’t dumb. He knew he wasn’t getting her back. Not after her body was mangled and torn by a hellhound ten feet in front of him. No, not after he falsely promised her that he wouldn’t let anything get her and, no, definitely not after he stared at the flames licking up the pyre, engulfing her lifeless body in flames. Not when he knew for a fact that the love of his life was dead.
“Uh, okay. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really plan this out before I hit the button, so I’ll just start,” Her voice pauses, and Sam inhales a shaky breath. If he had known how refreshing (but simultaneously heartbreaking) it would be to hear her voice again, he would have listened to these tapes way earlier.
“I guess what I should say first is, I’m sorry,” the tapes play, her voice coming out a bit staticky… not clear enough for Sam to close his eyes and pretend that it’s really her in front of him and not just a Walkman, “and that’s true. I am. I’m sorry for leaving you so soon, and I’m sorry I’m hurting you. But I’m not sorry for the deal I made. I could never apologize for that.”
Sam feels a pang in his heart, tears forming in his eyes, “I saved you. You died. You died and… I couldn’t let it stay that way. Dean was broken. Hell, so was I. And… I guess maybe it’s selfish of me. I’m selfish because I’m letting them take me so soon, because I settled for only one more week with you. Selfish that I sold my soul for your life because I was too weak to see you like that. I’m ready to admit that. But it’s also more than that. People need you, Sam. Dean needs you, and the world needs you. The world needs Sam Winchester.”
But I need you is what he wants to tell her. He wants to scream and yell and cry and hug her and love her. He wants to tell her that the world needs her, too. He wants to tell her that, yes, she was being selfish! He wants to ask her how she could even do this to him. He even wants to tell her he thinks he might hate her for this, but he knows he doesn’t, and he knows he couldn’t. If she was in front of him now, he wouldn’t even think to say any of that. He’d grip her tight and tell her he loves her and he’d never let her go.
“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m glad I made the deal. I wouldn’t take it back, Sam. Not for the world. You know why?” She pauses, sounding as if she’s getting a bit teary herself despite her efforts to keep her composure for her listener, “Because you are my world.”
Sam’s breath hitches and he clamps his eyes together tighter.
“But what I am sorry for,” Y/N draws a quivering breath that can be heard on the tapes, “is all the time we’re going to lose. I’m sorry we won’t ever get to hug again, kiss again. I’m sorry we won’t get another movie night, that we won’t be able to stay up reading lore until our heads feel like they’ll explode. I’m sorry I’ll never get the time to buy you one of those cheesy NASA certificates, you know, where you name a star? ‘Cause I really was gonna do that,” Sam can hear her bittersweet laugh and it makes him miss her that much more, “I’m sorry that we won’t ever get to see that one nerd museum in Missouri you were always talking about. And…” She pauses again and he hears ruffling, fabric, “I’m sorry we won’t get that family we talked about starting.”
Tears slip down his cheeks and he can’t be bothered to wipe them, too immersed in the tapes, hanging off her every word. She pauses for a long moment, trying to collect herself. Sam supposed she didn’t want to be a mess on the tapes, trying to stay strong for Sam.
“I love you, and I’m not sorry for that.” She says when she speaks again, “I’m not sorry for being a part of your life. I don’t regret any of it, the monsters, the chaos, the fighting, I don’t mind it. Not when I have you. You make it better. You make me better.”
She pauses for another long moment, and the only noise is the crackling of the tape before she speaks up again.
“Thank you for letting me love you, Sam Winchester.”
The tape clicks to a stop and a breath Sam didn’t know he was holding was released. He opened his lids and glanced down at the Walkman with glossy eyes, finally reaching to wipe his tears off his cheeks when he realizes he isn’t anywhere near done.
A small shoebox filled with cassettes lays in front of him, and he fishes another out, looking at the title. Her neat handwriting spells out, ‘memories’, and he worries the inside of his cheek as he stares. He clicks open the Walkman, pulling the tape he’d just listened to out. He looked at the words scribbled across the front of it — I’m sorry.
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desceros · 4 months
Note
Y'kno. Leo could have taken that little secret to the grave. Woulda sucked to live with it and he'd have deserved some inner turmoil for treating some random chick like dirt. Yet V was naive, trusting and loving enough to let it go if he'd never had brought it up.
But no, he had to clear his guilt. Unburden himself. Dump that shit on her.
And fuck, he's so used to her giving he was probably half-expecting forgiveness for it.
Gotamn, V can't catch a break. One one hand you got a guy you thought you were BFFs with who
a) hated you
b) used you as an emotional crutch for his whole family
and
c) couldn't even shut up about it to spare you the extra heartbreak after literally EVERYTHING ELSE.
And another guy who you thought was as into you as you were into him because he apparently can't communicate about feelings since he's shut himself out from that part of life and you gotta use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae.
None of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit and you're the giving type that gets easily taken advantage of, even unintentionally.
Honestly, neither of them are shitting rainbows to be worth all the effort you gotta put in their asses for any semblance of a functional friendship/situationship.
Also
"You weren't part of the family."
U kno what, he can keep it. They're the only people who'll be able to stand him at this rate.
so i addressed the first part of this in another ask re: ableism here but i'll briefly summarize things here.
leo didn't tell viola-chan what was bothering him because he wanted to "clear his guilt" or "unburden himself. dump that shit on her." he told her because she has made it repeatedly clear that she values honesty. i imagine he would have never told her... but keeping a secret felt like a betrayal. so when she asked, he told her. even though he knew it would hurt and change everything.
With a sigh, you fold your arms, then look at him. “What does this have to do with what you wanted to talk about, anyway?” “Everything,” Leo says, looking at you with a heavy stare. “Because… I have a confession to make. One that’s… that’s going to change how we are. One I really don’t want to make, but it’s—it’s eating me alive. And I don’t think I can continue being friends without telling you.”
that said. i'm not defending his actions. this is abominable behavior. but it's not selfish. not this time.
as for donnie. i'm going to take some righteous issue with how you're saying this. i've spoken before about ableism that's cropping up around this fic, but so far it's been pretty. hm. things i can brush off. but this, i feel, really crosses a line for me.
your framing of an autistic person needing someone to "use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae" is ringing quite poorly in my ears.
as an autistic person myself who has specifically made requests to my own loved ones that this is the exact kind of language i need to have smooth relationships, i don't appreciate your wording.
in symphony, donnie doesn't use the label 'autistic'. but he is. and he doesn't come up to you and say 'hey can i please have his kind of language used with me.' because he hasn't had to do that before. everyone around him has had his entire life to adapt to his needs. but viola-chan hasn't, hence why they have friction and misunderstandings. a large part of this story is the two of them learning to communicate. and part of that, i am sorry to tell you, is that autistic people often need language that can come across as "robotic" and "hyperspecific". so i'm going to ask you to deal with it, or perhaps look for a different fic. i'm not going to change that interpretation of things, because it comes from my own experiences as an autistic person.
lastly, you say "none of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit" and that just?? isn't true??? this is literally just poor reading comprehension. an inability to look past the limited point of view of the protagonist. the entire first arc of this fic (ch. 1-11) is donnie stretching out of his comfort zone to tackle this serious problem he has. the second arc (12-20) is him pushing past things he's never done before so he can heal and touch his brothers again. leo comes to you and tells you about his issues with his sleep, where they come from, and lets you help him. not to mention mikey and raph, whom i assume you're leaving out of this ask since you haven't mentioned them. draxum even mentions, specifically, that viola-chan's presence is making them change. and the way he says it is very specific.
“Blue has been much more lively since you came around, and Donatello is much less crabby. Michael was also telling me you gave him some good exercises for his wrist. I was impressed. I’ve been meaning to ask you to work with Red as well on his trauma response since you seem to have a knack for it.”
work with. not on. i know i'm subtle, but come on.
anyway. this got quite long, but i'm not going to put it under a cut because i want these things to be open and visible. i've had a couple people say some somewhat similar things about donnie's part in this and i'm. getting kind of tired of it lmao. but thank you for reading, and i do appreciate you taking the time to send in your thoughts!!
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