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#i cant believe i have a reason to get up at ALL this made my entire week omg
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Paring: Dino x fem!reader
Requested: no
Genre: angst, fluff
Warning(s): cheating, angst, sadness, mentions of pregnancy (do inform me if there's more)
Summary: You were the light guiding Chan for the most of his life. now that you are not there anymore, he cant help but feel your absence as he reminisces his past and all those times you were there to ground him no matter what.
Word count: 6k
Other works
disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.
special thanks to @spamgyu for helping me out 😭
a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask. Moreover, if you loved it, don't forget to reblog and help me reach a wider audience.
[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]
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Chan's life was determined before he had a chance to consider it. His family wasn't well-off. They struggled from early on to get food on their plates. He knew from when he was a child that he had to support his siblings because his parents refused to do so.
So that’s exactly what he did. He got into SNU with a full scholarship, secured a good job, and built a stable life with six figures coming in annually to his bank account, providing enough money to support his siblings’ dreams.
But what did it all get him?
Nothing!
He sacrificed his teens and his twenties because his father felt the need to be a raging alcoholic, and now he stands in the middle of Gangnam in his beautiful flat with its polished floors. But he lacks the most important thing in life: happiness.
To be truthful, he lacks a lot of things, but happiness takes the cake. If someone asks him, he lacks friends too. But our dearest Boo Seungkwan would like to disagree about that. In Chan’s defense, friends are absolutely not equal to friend (just a difference of ‘s’, as our dear ‘Kwanie’ said. Plus, his multiple personalities make up for the said lack of ’s’, which further raises the question as to why the man does not go for a checkup, as it seems he has self-diagnosed DID. We shall never know).
Chan is happy about his brothers doing what they like, though. It’s not that hard to not be happy when he literally raised them. Sacrifices need to be made, he has realized; some just make more than others, and there is nothing one can do about that. He accepts that he is indeed grateful for the friend he has made, the one who has stayed with him and accepted him as he is.
Now, it may sound sappy, and Chan swears he will never tell this to Seungkwan, but he has indeed helped him through the thick and thin of life. All those late-night drinking sessions and ugly crying have brought him to this stage in life where he thinks of the boy as more of a family than anyone else. He helped him when Chan’s life was falling apart, and he also was there to scold him back to the right track when no one believed in him, not even himself.
Although he lacks happiness, he is fine with that (he at least has Boo Seungkwan). He can live with being sad; he already has!
This is where you came in, the reason for Chan’s genuine smiles, from back in college to five years ago. It was a pretty serious relationship that you both had. Chan loved you. He had plans of making you his wife. For God’s sake, he was in a relationship with you for almost ten years! But somewhere along the way, he messed up. He became the exact thing he had hated all his life.
He became a person like his father.
You, being the nice kind, tried your best to stop him from spiraling down the rabbit hole of bad habits. But alas, it takes two to tango, and if he didn’t want to be better, no one, not even God himself, could do it for him.
It took losing you to realize how messed up his life had become.
--
“Chan, I’m heading out. Dinner’s in the fridge—please actually eat it this time. We don’t need two meal skippers in this household,” you quipped, watching as Chan chuckled and gave you a quick giggle inducing peck before returned his attention to the document he’d been typing for the past hour.
“Sure thing, Your Majesty. Your command shall be dutifully followed!” he exclaimed with a mock salute, drawing out another laugh from you. With a playful ruffle of his hair and another peck on his cheek, you left the apartment to begin your night shift at the hospital.
Chan, unlike you, has just started his new job after completing his MBA. It’s been tough, but he’s persevered, and soon enough, you both will be able to enjoy the luxuries he could only dream of growing up.
Your fifth anniversary is approaching faster than ever, and now Chan finally has the means to fulfill your dream of a trip to Europe. The pressure of this new job is more than the last one, but getting those tickets would be a walk in the park now.
Quickly finishing his document and mailing it to the head of the department, he immediately goes to check those flight ticket prices and hotel prices. He releases a happy sigh the minute he realizes that it’s exactly what he had expected the prices to be. So, without wasting a single moment, he buys those tickets. He knew this gift would make you happier than ever.
The next month, you had been notified about the expensive purchase only because you had to get a leave from your job, and you obviously can’t disappear for two weeks unannounced. He, in reality, had no plans to inform you about anything, but he couldn’t interfere with your job either.
But at the end it was worth it, the look on your face the minute you were informed about the trip. Oh, if only Chan could frame it and keep it away from the world, only if he could keep you near him and never let you go. But he didn’t think of that then. No, he was happy he had told you earlier.
The happiness radiating off you as you kept going on and on about the clothes you needed to buy, all the foods you were going to try once there. It was what helped him keep going throughout the day, even though the work became tiring with every passing minute.
If only he could have stopped time and lived in that moment forever.
One thing he never realized is how demanding his job would be once he got into a higher position. The calls kept him up at night; they came at the most ungodly of times, and Chan was expected to pick them up, because he always did.
You never complained; it was fine by you. If anyone understood him, it was you. Both of you had highly demanding jobs, and nothing could beat the expectations your colleagues had on you both.
But what he had not counted on was those calls interrupting your trip. During the entirety of your anniversary, he was glued to that phone of his, never once able to leave it. It was one problem at the office or the other.
Again, you kept your mouth shut, enjoying your own company as your boyfriend busied himself with work in the hotel room.
That was the last trip you both had gone on. You figured that it was too much to ask from someone who had so much work to do. But still, you understood his hunger to do better in life. You understood that someone had to compromise in the relationship and wholeheartedly accepted that it had to be you.
Coming to think of it, it was not supposed to be like this. Never! Both of you were supposed to communicate and figure out what your relationship was supposed to mean. But somewhere along the line, it just became regular sex and nothing else. When you talked about this with your friends, all of them had the same reaction.
‘Leave him!’ they had told you, ‘he wouldn’t change, he prefers his job more than you.’
It was a regular thing now. But you were scared. All the years you had invested in the relationship, you never wanted it to become what it had. You had held out hope that one day Chan would notice you. He would realize he had a girlfriend who also needs his attention as much as his job.
It didn’t take too long for those dreams to come true, though.
One night, you sat down with the man, asking him about the changes in his life. You begged him to look your way beyond the times he made love to you. It was an intense conversation, filled with words that neither of you actually meant, but hurt you both equally.
That night brought you both another few years, or that’s what you think. It became better, both your lives and the relationship. You both would talk more, spend time with each other, laugh with each other, and go about your days with lovesick smiles on your faces. Although none of your jobs became less hectic, it still was as painstaking as ever, but the scenery in your shared home was peaceful. It was both of your comfort zones.
What neither of you realized, this peace that you both had brought back into your lives, was fickle. In order to keep it like that, both of you had to put in some effort.
It slowly became visible to both of you how much more effort this relation of yours needed. Both of you saw the way your paradise was crumbling down bit by bit. Nights became lonely for you. Chan, being the perfectionist he is, would be stuck up in his office until the rays of sun hit the glass windows, reminding him of the fact that he indeed had stayed the night in his office. The hectic job took everything away from him. It stripped him of his identity, and slowly it was also stripping his happiness and sanity away. It was like the darker times had hit both of you again.
It was then that he suddenly passed out on the streets due to extreme fatigue and was brought immediately into the nearest hospital, which was the one you worked at. Lo and behold, you were the nurse on emergency room duty that day. This was the first time you saw the love of your life in that state; you saw what this new job had done to him. How it had taken this happy and healthy person you knew and turned him into this sick, unhappy, and overworked person. Your helplessness mocked you in your face. At night, you stayed by his side after the doctors had given their verdict about him being too overworked. You took care of him like never before, making sure to make him take an ample amount of rest.
Sadly, the industry is ruthless. As soon as the employers became aware that their once highly valuable employee’s usefulness had diminished, they ultimately opted to terminate him. Although Chan claims there were some more internal politics involved in this sacking, there was no way he could have evaded it.
Both of you soon realized it was the best thing that could have happened to him. While being the worst experience he could ever go through in his corporate career.
You stayed by his side through every hurdle though. You never once let him feel the need to be more than what he already was. But life was giving both of you a hard time.
It took Chan another month to get a new job. But only this time, it was a better, more important position in a better company. This is when life took off for both of you again. With Chan back on track, equipped with the newfound knowledge of not working more than necessary, he was on a roll. Almost unstoppable.
This change also affected your relationship, but positively this time. Chan and you would go on constant dates and enjoy each other’s company way more than ever.
It was nearing your seventh anniversary. Both of you had talked about getting married and starting a family enough times for him to know this was the perfect time for him to propose.
So, on the day of your seventh anniversary, he had planned to take you to this fancy Italian place. He claimed that you deserved only the best. No one could ever argue with him about that. You, along with Seungkwan, had been by his side for so long that he had forgotten the time when he didn’t have you both. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would change that fact. With that it brought him to the most important question of that year.
“But what ring do I buy her?” the stressed boy asked his best friend.
“Wow, I wasn’t informed about the fact that y/n suddenly had become my girlfriend!” Seungkwan exclaimed sassily.
“Dude, you can calm down. She is still my girl, ain’t no way you are getting her. Find a girl of your own,” the shorter boy retorted back.
Why am I being asked about her preference for a ring then, huh?”
“Because she said, and I quote, ‘if you buy me an expensive engagement ring that I can’t even wear out because it looks too expensive, I will castrate you’,” Chan said seriously, bringing out a seal-like laugh from the back of Seungkwan’s throat.
“Do something meaningful for her then, you dumb fuck,” making Chan almost cringe at the scolding. Without letting the boy talk, his best friend continued, “Put in some effort and do something that shows you care, without having to spend a copious amount of money. I have no idea what you should do, but bro, if it were up to me, a girl would for sure get a ring no matter what!”
Now, this made him think. It made him think hard. But even after all that thinking, he couldn’t come up with a good idea for an alternative for an engagement ring.
It was not until the next Saturday when he was sitting on the couch waiting for you to choose a movie for the weekly movie night, did he stumble upon the perfect idea for a ring? Like any usual person, the man was scrolling through TikTok when he found out that one could make rings out of clay.
Perfect!
If you didn’t want a diamond ring, you shall get a clay ring. For you might catch the sun lacking one day, but not Chan, never Chan!
This kick-started the learner phase of Chan’s life once again. He would visit the pottery classes every week because he needed to excel at the art to mold the perfect ring. One suitable for daily wear and also because this hobby brought him more peace than ever.
He made some friends here; they were fun to hang out with. You had met all these new people flooding into his life. He would parade about the with his hand on you showing you off proudly.
“Who wouldn’t?” he would ask whenever someone pointed it out. This question had the power to make him start ranting about you at any given point. So much so that after a point, people stopped asking him about you, no matter the context.
Because, oh boy, was he in love.
--
It took him one year and some friendships to finally complete learning everything there was to learn about pottery. In the course of that time, he had littered your shared house with his creations.
Oh, you wanted to buy a new bowl because you saw it on Instagram? No fear, Chan shall make it this instant. Oops, your favorite coffee mug broke? Chan has come to your rescue with a better, scientifically cute, usable, and overall better mug for you.
The creative spark of the boy never dimmed down, nor did his extroverted nature. Every other day, he would be out with his new friends, so much so that even Boo Seungkwan noticed. You both had chats with each other about the changes in Chan’s life over a cup of tea whenever Seungkwan would come over.
To say that you both were happy about him enjoying life would be an understatement. You had seen the pain the man had gone through in his life. It only made sense for him to have the best of the best experiences when he had the opportunities.
But again, as people say, one should do everything in moderation. It seems that Chan could do nothing in moderation. He would work himself half to death. In this case too, he started drinking and partying himself half to death. The outings that were done to unwind after a long hard day became parties that were making the day even longer.
The friends that helped him overcome the pressuring environment of his office became the ones who would pressure him to go way out of his comfort zone, all for the wrong reasons. People say twenties are times when people experiment with their life and gain new experiences.
The same was applicable for Chan too, the only difference being he was learning different ways of spiraling down holes that are hard to climb up from. The hilarious part being, these were the holes that he had carefully dug out himself.
It’s not like you never stopped him, because you did. The minute you realized these new friends were pushing Chan’s limits in the wrong way, you didn’t waste a second to tell him.
“I think you should calm down with this partying and stuff. It’s unbelievably bad for your health,” you had told him one night when he had come home drunk out of his wits.
“I know how to have fun, not my fault you don’t!”
The boy had shouted at you before collapsing on the couch. Realizing it was a waste of time to even try and talk to him in this state, you tried again the next day when he was far more sober.
“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” you ask Chan, to which he shakes his still-hungover head and winces. Sighing, you continue, “Chan, you can’t let them get to you like this. Moderation is the key here. Please don’t overdo anything, I beg you!” You hugged him, trying to coax him to understand where you were coming from. He obviously hugged you back and promised you to keep your advice in mind the next time they asked him out.
He didn’t. He swears he tried to. But the peer pressure got to him. Before he could even back off, they had already hauled his ass to the bar. He never wanted to disappoint you. So he chose to accept the most coherent plan his drunk mind could formulate: the plan to lie to you.
Your seventh anniversary had come and gone a year ago. The only gifts he could provide you that day were a fancy dinner and a solid promise that he would indeed get you the greatest ring you will have ever seen in your whole life. Now the time had come. The time to prove his skills. Those skills he spent an entire year honing.
During this cute date at home, he produced a small wooden box from his pocket. After you had enjoyed the homemade meal he had whipped up for you and you both were cuddling on the balcony, he proposed to you with stars in his eyes and hope in his heart.
He shocked you with the ring. Like your relationship, it was delicate, yet made with lots of love and care. You obviously said yes without hesitation. After all, you loved this man, and he loved you too. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could ever go wrong if he was with you.
--
It seems that no matter how hard you try, life always seems to have other plans for you.
The month right after you accepted his proposal, you received an invitation for a two-year-long workshop in Germany. Such opportunities don’t come every day, so you were elated.
Without wasting any time, you called Chan, informing him about the opportunity you had received. But like every coin, this great opportunity had its drawbacks too.
With the prospect of studying and learning under some of the greatest doctors and nurses came the hardship of leaving your fiancé behind. Chan didn’t like this one bit. He could barely stand to be away from you for a second, let alone two years.
But seeing the excitement on your face and hearing the joy in your voice, he couldn’t bring himself to ask you to stay back. He knew you had sacrificed a lot for him, compromised at times when you could have been happy if he hadn’t made decisions that ruined his life.
--
So he put on a happy smile and told you that if you didn’t take this opportunity, he would pack your bags himself and kick you out of the house. This assurance gave you the confidence you needed. Without wasting any time, you sent an email accepting the proposition to join the workshop.
The next five months passed in a whim. During this time, he had asked you to marry him before you went away, but with a peaceful and determined smile, you had told him, “I will marry you once I come back, like that, we won’t have to spend too much time as newlyweds. Plus, I will be smarter than you too.”
“You are always smarter than me. I can never surpass you,” was the answer you had received, along with a sweet kiss, making your heart swell like a balloon.
Life was starting to feel better again.
Chan had finally made his boundaries very clear. The boy felt extremely guilty for lying to you, though he never confessed to you about doing so. He made sure his actions proved his redemption. He ensured to let these new friends of his know that going out too much with them was affecting him in ways that he didn’t appreciate. Although they did sometimes win against him and force him to go out, it was not as bad as it was before.
Soon the day came when you had to fly away to Germany. To say that Chan was sad would be an understatement. He was devastated when he saw you off at the airport with Seungkwan. He had cried the whole way home, making Seungkwan scold him as if he were a baby.
“Now if you keep behaving like this, do you think she would be happy?” the older boy questioned him.
“No, but I miss her already,” Chan replied in a whisper while wiping his tears harshly.
“Be nice, be happy for her. You can talk to her all the time. It’s not the Stone Age,” Seungkwan said with an exasperated sigh, making the younger one stop his sad boy antics at once.
But it was not like Chan was okay. He started working overtime at the office, desperately waiting for you to call him when you got free. And call you did, religiously at six o’clock in the evening.
You both made the decision to talk at that time, regardless of any circumstances. This went on for six months. He tried his best to follow the routine of overworking himself before you would call and save him from killing himself with work.
But with all these works, his willpower also started to crumble down. The old ways came back to him. Before he realized it, he became a party animal. He made new friends at these clubs and bars he started frequenting. He thought you wouldn’t pick up. But you did. You saw how your boyfriend was slowly changing. It was not that obvious at first, but slowly you realized he was getting drowned with work.
Being the lovely girlfriend you were, you asked Seungkwan to take care of him. The boy tried his best to do so. But alas, he was not that successful.
It seemed to both of you that Chan had spiraled back into his overworking session. What you both were unaware of was that it was more than that.
Chan was not just overworking; he was over-drinking and over partying too.
One faithful night; he met Eva, his pottery class instructor. She was pretty. They talked the whole night, catching up like old buddies and having fun.
She brought a change to his life again. She started being there for him during times when he would lose himself. She was a great friend, so great that in no time you had the chance to meet her.
You had come back for a week’s vacation. Seungkwan thought it was important for all the friends to meet up because it had been a long time since he had seen you. This meeting was supposed to consist of only you, Chan, and Seungkwan. But Chan asked to bring in another friend he would like you to meet. It was Eva.
You liked her; she was nice. You wanted to be friends with her. Her sweet personality was something no one could resist, a great example of a sweetheart through and through.
For once, you were actually proud of your boyfriend’s choices in life. Your visit was over even before it had started. Suddenly, the week was over, and you were packing your bags to return to Germany.
This time, Chan was not as scared of things going downhill anymore. He knew that within a few more months, you would come back, and he could happily start the wedding preparations. He also knew he had a solid group of friends to have his back. Most importantly, he had learned the art of living without you. Not that it was happy, but now he could enjoy spending time by himself.
Time flew faster than ever. In no time, it was Chan’s birthday. Your program would finish that same month, so sadly you couldn’t visit him. All you could do was video call him that morning and congratulate him for hitting thirty before you, to which he grumpily replied, “Your birthday is in six months; I’m gonna make it hell for you.”
“Whatever, old man, get dressed. Don’t you have a job to go to?” You laughed at his grumpy face while teasing him even more.
“I miss you,” Chan suddenly called out, pouting.
“You will meet me next month, Channie. Don’t be this sad now.” Although that did make him happy, the thought of spending yet another birthday without you was saddening. But it’s not like it was going to last. You would be back in no time.
That thought put a smile on his face. Soon enough, he was skipping around the house cooking breakfast and answering numerous calls from his friends and family for being a thirty-year-old now.
Seungkwan and Eva had also planned a not-so-surprise party for him. It consisted of meeting in front of his office and dragging his ass to the bar to drink and have fun. Although the day was spent slaving away in front of the computer, that night he had a lot of fun. He talked to Seungkwan and Eva for hours, and the three of them were pretty intoxicated when they left.
The only thing he remembered from that night was the fact that Eva, being the one out of the three with the most alcohol tolerance, was the one who had made sure that all of them returned home safely.
There was just one slight problem. Eva started to avoid him. Now, in any other situation, he would not have noticed it, but the text the next morning asking him if he remembered anything from the night before had him confused. When he asked her what it was all about, she refused to answer him, opting to ignore him instead.
He had no recollection of the night before, and Seungkwan didn’t either, so it was a mystery to both of them. But then again, his gut told him the problem was bigger than what he thought it was and might come to haunt him if not solved now.
So he did the most sane thing he could think of: He asked her to talk to him about it. He knew the wedding preparations would start the minute you came back, so he wanted to make sure to fix any problem that might affect you both before it blasted out of proportion.
“You kissed me,” was the first thing Eva told him after sitting down, making Chan’s heart drop to his stomach.
“Huh, but I don’t remember anything,” Chan retorted.
“It’s not about you remembering or not, it really happened, Chan, and I hate it,” she said, her voice almost breaking.
“Hey, calm down. We were both intoxicated, and we didn’t do it on purpose. Any other time and we wouldn’t have done it,” this seemed to have little to no effect on improving the girl’s mood.
On the other hand, Chan’s blood pressure was rising. The last thing he needed was a big mistake from which he could never turn back. With you coming back from Germany in less than a week, he needed everything in his life to be sorted out, especially something that could jeopardize a relationship with so much love in it.
“Chan, I think I like you. I’m not sure when it happened, or how it did. But I like you. So please don’t tell me I wouldn’t have done it if we weren’t intoxicated.”
The impact of this statement was so immense that it completely shattered his world, leaving him in disarray. It was true that he liked Eva. What kind of feelings he actually held for her was a mystery to him.
So, in the spur of the moment, he kissed her.
Just a few minutes ago, it was bothering him, but once he took the step, he didn’t feel what he was supposed to. He didn’t feel the disgust and hatred towards himself he should have. It felt like sneaking out of his house when he was not supposed to. It made a rush of excitement run through his body. He could feel the adrenaline rush through him.
He felt alive. maybe it was the feeling of doing something forbidden or it was something else, he didn’t know.
But, that night, they did more than kissing.
Once you were back, it was all sunshine and rainbows in the first few weeks. You both were happy, spending all your time together and having fun relishing in each other’s presence.
But it didn’t take you long to notice the changes. He would be stuck late at the office but come back home surprisingly lively, or those random texts from his brother late at night asking him to come over, or even the most obvious of them all, the vibrant smell of floral perfume that you never wear.
But you held out. You had promised to give him a chance to explain himself if he came clean to you. But that day never came. You asked him about these odd behaviors, but somehow he would always evade the topic altogether.
All those questions of ‘where were you last night’, ‘when will you come home’, or ‘shall we go on a date sometime soon’, all went unanswered.
He outright ignored your presence at home. But this didn’t stop the wedding preparations. Because his siblings and your parents alike loved him, they had taken the responsibility to take care of the wedding plans.
Before he could continue with his little escapades, Seungkwan caught and confronted him. Not by you but by Seungkwan. The older boy’s disappointment was beyond words. He screamed at him for an hour straight and then he had sat Chan down and calmly said,
“Either you tell her or I will.”
“But I can’t; she will leave me if I ever tell her.”
“Then she will be right in doing so.”
“Chan, I love you to death, but either you stop this and tell your girlfriend the whole truth, or I will take matters into my own hands. She has put up with enough of your shit. Don’t hurt her more,” he had said.
“Give me some time; I will do it as soon as possible,” the younger one had strained out, fisting his hair.
“She better know about it all before the wedding,” Seungkwan had warned him before seeing himself out.
Chan had cut off Eva after that. He tried to change everything before actually marrying you. Then, being the kind person you are, you tried to understand your boyfriend. You really did. But this was the first time in ten years you considered leaving him.
This relationship didn’t make you happy anymore. But you had gone through so many troubles together. The effort to hold each other upright was taking a toll on you.
But you were a fighter. You had fought many battles with him by your side. You couldn’t give up on those years either. Your internal dilemma was killing you. But all of this came to a halt one day when you had come back from your night shift, only to find your boyfriend and the girl he oh so diligently claimed to be his good friend, talking in the living room.
It was not like they were trying to be quiet because you could hear every single word spoken by them.
“Chan, it’s yours.”
“Eva, I have a fiancé. I will never leave her. I already told you, I love her.”
“Oh, so you didn’t think about that before fucking me”
“It was a mistake”, Chan shouted.
“No, it wasn’t, we both were very sober”, came another shout
The conversation hit you like a truck, and with each sentence, you felt your heart shattering. The decision suddenly seemed a bit too easy to make.
You walked out of the chaos, leaving the ring behind on the shoe rack. That night, you stayed at your friend’s place.
Following that event, you called Seungkwan, informing him that you won’t talk to Chan anymore. He simply asked if you wanted any help moving out, to which you answered with a simple no.
That was the end of the relationship for you. You refused to talk or see Chan ever again.
Now, five years later, Chan is to be married again. Not with you; no, he missed his chance. It's with Eva. They figured the best way to raise Minhan was to be together. In a county like theirs, it wasn’t the best idea to raise a kid with two unmarried parents.
Chan loved Minhan to death. But he could never show the same love for Eva. Looking at her reminded him of the mistakes he made in life. It reminded him of the happiness he could have attained, but he lost due to his own faults.
He is happy Seungkwan is still beside him. He knows he doesn’t deserve a friend like him, so the fact that Seungkwan stayed beside him makes him feel grateful.
He knew that his wife and child would move in with him soon, but he didn’t have the courage to let them into the house yet. The house that held both your memories was a bit too precious to let go of so easily.
The next day came faster than he anticipated. As Chan stood there waiting for his bride, he saw a face that he had been longing to see for the last five years.
He saw your face, sitting there on the benches, a sad smile adorning your face. Your eyes filled with emotions and stories of the years you had spent together.
Oh, how badly Chan wanted to abandon everything and run to you. Apologize a hundred times and ask you to take him back. But he couldn’t; he had children to take care of and shoes to fill.
As he stood there saying his vows, hoping it’s you he saw walking down the aisle and it’s you he kissed, but they are called dreams for a reason. And not all dreams come true.
As he kissed his bride, he saw a glimpse of your teary eyes amongst the crowd, and a tear of his own fell. Wishing for a future he was never destined to have.
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the end
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prettyboykatsuki · 1 day
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My white ass little brother is getting all the Kendrick v Drake tiktoks for some reason and has been INVESTED even without listening to rap much. He said 'have you seen the Kendrick diss stuff?????' and it was the biggest 'LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING' moment of my adult life. Had to give him all the backstory, starting with Meg!!!!
KDSHFKJSD it's genuinely like CRAZZYYY. LET ME TELL YOU SMTH FOR REAL BECAUSE MAN......
i have a lot of the thoughts on the situation because like. i think a lot of people who are only hearing the recent diss tracks don't know how deep the drake kendrick beef and speculations go !!!! like almost as far back as drakes career as a musician.... that tension is so long-standing and they mutually have several records that people have speculated have been digs about the other.
THE THING IS THEY'VE KEPT THAT RELATIONSHIP MOSTLY OUT OF PUBLIC VIEW. when kendrick dropped a verse dissing the other two in the supposed big three - it was a big deal because the three of them have had a mostly amicable relationship to outsiders. there was a rumored jcole kendrick record for years (which ill mourn forever). everyone was anticipating the response!!! jcole even made one before pulling away !!!!
when drake releasd his intial response it was like.. the first time we've heard drake actually rap in YEARS LMAOO. IT WAS CRAZY AS IS!!! but then they just kept going. AND THEN KENDRICK RELEASED DOUBLE DISSTRACKS??? the same move drake pulled when he had his beef with meek mill years ago!!!! AND THEN DRAKE RELEASED ANOTHER RESPONSE FAMILY MATTERS AND KENDRICK RELEASED MEET THE GRAHAMS WITHIN A FEW HOURS OF THAT?
it's crazy. some of the most influential musicians of the genre and kendrick, one of the greatest lyricists of the 2010's , publicly beefing in such a way is insane. it's genuinely historic in terms of rap beef. and all of kendricks tracks have crushed all of drakes - despite the fact drakes diss tracks WERE GOOD!!! if he were going up against anyone else it would hold up. but it's kendrick, pulitzer winner, so he really hasn't been able to get up since 😭😭😭
on top of that kendricks disses and generally his music are heavily intergrated with black american culture and issues - and his criticism of drake through these means can't be overlooked. again these are longstanding critiques rappers have had against drake. its largely not just about music but about black culture overall. outside of celebrity drama its unbelievably relevant in that aspect as well. and i say this as an outsider to it repeating from other people interested in it, but its just too relevant to the conversation to ignore
meet the grahams is FATAL TOO. kendrick has been consistently bringing up the industrys issues with drake as a rap artist and how it's been in contention with his upbringing in his disses and then drake brought up his family. meet the grahams is making insane allegations that supposedly kendrick has receipts for, and it's not like people haven't known drake is fucking weird. but the way meet the grahams set it up.... im not over it.... shot after shot after shot. it is nothing like 6:16 in L.A. or euphoria it is crazy to me to witness real time.
like no wonder there is so much media attention for them right now this is like. INSANE. AND I HAVE NO INVESTMENT IN EITHER OF THESE RAPPERS as much as i just have for rap and it's history. and i cant believe the direction its been going on
im wondering if this is going to be the era of drake disses releasing and im dying to see who and what has something to say because the industry has had issues with drake for YEARS. its just crazy all of it is insane
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pothospant · 2 months
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his default recall is so cool..........
#not me arts tag#ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough#i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................#i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass#because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong#also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy#he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field#he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like#this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics#''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what#is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there#i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations#like he has a laugh animation for every weapon.......#all the various weapon animations...#maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do#i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them#cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations#unless we get an alune legendary.....#hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth#like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game#the contrast would be very funny methinks#if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices#but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune#(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....)#then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion#can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk#(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself)#i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something#anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute
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gu6chan · 3 months
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DID I DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN??????? THERE'S A FUCKING LEONARD DATING SIM/VISUAL NOVEL YOU CAN GET FOR 500 YEN ($3 USD) ON BOOTH????????????????????????
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lottalove01 · 5 months
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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brainjuicey · 7 months
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my mind is so funny for making me relive my worst nightmares and memories everytime I go to sleep
#my uncle is threatening to harm me and my family again but especially me this time for some reason but this time we're making a case#and if it goes to trial ill have to testify even though he hasnt come up to the house and ive never seen the text messages#and i have all my end of year assignments due rn and im dying from stress#and i still havent passed my drivers license its all so#overwhelming#and then i have to go and dream about the christmas i went to visit my bff and ex in germany#and crashing at my bffs house he got drunk and assaulted me over and over and in my sleep as well#and then i went to my exs and we stayed w her family for xmas eve and they were horrible to me and then we broke up that night#and she just cried forever and said i deserved better and i just sat there in bed like how did i even get here totally detached#you invite me to xmas with my family in another country only to realise that you'll never be mentally stable enough to move and be with me#and its been like 7 months since i made that decision and you could've told me something before? but you didn't?#life was good when i was the one making all the sacrifices. right.#life was good when i did all the work. but as soon as you have to enforce your own boundaries its too hard.#do you ever believe someone when they say theyre getting better? and then look like a fool?#every now and then i remember something about that relationship that makes me fucking angry#its all very. art installation i just cant help myself
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crimsongrimoire · 2 years
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happened to see this and i still can't believe people think this way for real. but then again they're all like 13 and don't really have any business on half that site anyway.
#crow.txt#not writing#bruuuuhhhhhh#i still cant genuinely believe this is a thought people have idk#that one other post about the ao3 Algorithm#surprisingly there was a world before those wretched things#i sure dont fucking want it to have one. i dont even read basically at all anymore but it would be to literally everyones detriment#nobody wins here. esp with klk. on one hand yeah more eyes on stuff. on the other#you will complain if you dont see something you like and make it the authors problem#which is The Issue. you mfs would be even more mindless about it. im ALREADY shocked when people just straight up#dont read tags at all Period. and then are upset when they get something they didnt expect or sign up for#hell even including ratings. like my brother in christ its there for a reason? its a different story if what you werent expecting#straight up wasnt tagged at all#but like...... idk. to be fair none of these people have made it the authors problem afaik. but. either way.#not to say i havent complained to friends who are also spiteful angry bitches about things i hate being in my line of sight#coughing. when i still lurked the blzblue tag. threw in the towel and never looked back. so good for my health.#but at least i was a spiteful bitch and refused to give anything by those authors the time of day ever like even if i gotorbidly curious#i will Not be contributing to your stats in any way form or fashion <3#honestly didnt even know hate reading was a concept. if i dont vibe with too much of a fic ill just bail. not worth wasting the energy.#not even for like huge reasons just like. formatting. things too ooc. certsin pet peeves. thog dont caare
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ofsunhillow · 2 years
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hmmmmm i need to go to a psychologist
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stellardeer · 2 months
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TL;DR - How would you kick someone out of your house without involving police? and Should you?
My no-note blog is probably not the best place to ask this question, but maybe someone will come along and answer, who knows.
So in the ideal circumstance that we abolish the police, I've been wondering about a specific scenario. Say there is a person in your home, for whatever reason, who has no legal right to be there, and you do not want them there (again, for whatever reason) but they refuse to leave and you want to forcibly remove them from your home.
Most people nowadays would threaten to call the cops on them, and usually that alone is enough to get people to leave. I've never actually had this problem myself, but I've known numerous people who've talked about these kinds of situations (and coincidentally they were all middle class, if that tells you anything...) I, personally, would think twice (or a million times) about calling the cops on someone, especially if the person in question is particularly vulnerable to police brutality. So, even if the police aren't abolished, I still want to know the proper alternative to handle this kind of situation.
I'm a pretty weak, easily overpowered person, so my first instinct would be to like.. call someone I know or go get a strong neighbor or something to help me get this person off of my property.
I know that the specifics of the situation also play a key role here, too, on how to handle it. Like, if the person is reasonable, I would hope that just telling them to leave would get them to go - easy enough. But if they refuse to move.. what do I even do? If it's someone that I know very well, I might think to take a break and just walk away from them and hope we can sort things out once we've calmed down. If it's someone that I don't know very well, though, (not even necessarily an intruder, but just say someone who is overstaying their welcome) and especially if tensions are not even high, I wouldn't really know what to do. Some states even have squatters rights, so like.. sometimes you literally CAN'T do anything about this person being in your home, and in some cases they can even get you kicked out. I think it's kind of obvious that if the person clearly has violent intentions towards me, then I have a right to defend myself, but again, I am not going to be able to do that by myself, and I don't know what the legalities are around asking for help from another citizen, i.e. not a cop, if someone means to do you harm?
And what if you do ask for help and your helper ends up injuring the person in the process of trying to get them out?? I'd imagine it's still better than calling a cop, and risking getting a life-ruining criminal record, or worse, shot and killed. But I'd also imagine there could be grounds for them to sue if they get injured by the helper since the helper is not a professional of any kind and not protected in anyway. Only some states have protections against self defense anyway, and I don't know if it even counts if you invited the person into your home willingly and they weren't being violent to begin with. Like.. if they person is just stubbornly standing there and then your burly neighbor puts hands on them first, I don't think that even counts as self defense for the homeowner? At that point if the person fights back then they have a case for self-defense.
And I don't know what the leftist attitude is towards personal property like that anyway, like should we even have a right to our own home? I don't know the leftist view on that, I get the idea that individualism is not the move, but like.. do we still have our own personal space? Space that we are allowed to bar others from entering? Even if that space extends to the entirety of a 2-bedroom home? I'm asking sincerely, because I really haven't read enough socialist theory, so I don't know what the opinions are on home ownership in general. Like in an ideal society, would we supposedly just allow the person to stay for as long as they like, as long as they aren't hurting anything? That's another part of it, like what if they aren't doing any harm but I still don't want them there? Am I wrong for wanting them to leave, even if I don't know them? Supposing even if they are an intruder, if they haven't stolen anything or hurt me or my animals, but they just... won't leave, should I even be mad about that?
But again, forget an ideal society, let's take it back to reality, assuming that I live in the US and the laws are exactly the same as they are in this moment, police are not abolished, but I am choosing to not involve the police in this matter... what is the right thing to do???? Should I just resolve myself to accept that this person lives with me now?? I don't even live in a state with squatters rights, so I don't legally have to, but.. should I? (more thoughts and anecdotes if the tags if you feel like reading)
#leftism#socialism#communism#abolish police#this is open to debate for anyone it's one half sincere question and one half ethics think piece#like.. there may not be any one 'right' 'good' answer for every situation i just want to hear opinions from people who know more than me#please try to be civil and i know this might sound like a stupid question but I'm asking it in good faith#I feel like a LOT of people (at least US citizens) will just tell me 'well duh you have a right to not want someone in your space'#but like idk i've been thinking over this for a few days now and questioning if I even do have that right??#like obviously i have a right to boundaries but do i have a right to a 784sq ft home?#if i have extra space im not occupying all of the time is it wrong for me to keep someone out of it?#i'm someone who prefers to live alone and i've just recently got my house to myself after having a guest for over a year#he is a friend of mine and it made me miserable having him here sometimes (despite him doing nothing wrong)#but our other friends kept telling me to kick him out and i just couldnt believe they would even suggest that??#like.. just because i want to live by myself doesn't mean it's better to put him out on the street??#i still cant believe they saw no issue with that#and not once while he was here did i ever consider making him leave so this question isn't about him or anything#this anecdote is just an example of like.. differences in opinion on personal space#i have a 2-bd trailer and i've been waiting to turn my second bedroom into an office#but i let him live in the extra room while he was here because i was able to get by just fine without it#but i think i might feel different if someone i didnt know just showed up in my home one day and wanted to live here#or what if my friend (not that he would EVER) did become violent and i DID need to force him to leave? like .. what do??#this question mostly came up because someone i met recently was telling a story about a terrible roommate he had#but his (the person telling the story) parents owned the property or something and this guy's lease was up but he wasn't leaving#so they threw all his stuff out because he had been gone for a couple weeks and they assumed he wasnt coming back#but then he showed up one day looking for his things and was trying to take stuff from the kitchen#and the guy (telling the story) told him that he couldn't take anything and he needed to leave and said he would call the cops if he didn't#and i kept my mouth shut (especially cause the roommate sounded particularly foul) but i would not dream of calling the cops over that#but it was like... just because they owned the property and he didn't want him there calling the cops was a perfectly reasonable response#it sickens me
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rslashrats · 3 months
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🪰 housefly734 Follow
just a reminder that flies rubbing their hands together =/= plotting a nasty scheme
🪰 r0tt1ngm3at Follow
FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!! I HATE THE STEREOTYPE THAT US RUBBING OUR HANDS TOGETHER MEANS WE ARE PLANNING SOMETHING DUBIOUS!!
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
^^ Boosting! I constantly get non-flies giving me death glares whenever I wash my hands in the restroom. Like, that's what you're supposed to do after going to the bathroom! Sorry for being hygienic I guess 🙄
🪰 diptera-doll Follow
Reasons why flies might be rubbing their hands together:
It's chilly out and they're trying to warm up
They just put hand sanitizer/lotion/hand cream on
They're rolling a ball of clay together
What you should do if you see a fly rubbing their hands together:
Leave them alone! It's none of your business
Hope this helped! :)
🪰 flyhlghh Follow
people also forget that hand-rubbing is a very common stim!! neurodivergent flies constantly get stigmatized for showing any traits of their neurodivergencies in public!! please don't forget that!!
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
I dont know about you losers but i like to rub my hands together because i am planning the most heinous and villanous crimes in my head
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Wow, most obvious troll I have ever seen in my life. Get a life, dude 🙄
🪰 compoundeyehaver Follow
> claims to be a real fly
> has bee as their profile pic
dude couldn even get the right insect for their shitty troll account LMFAOOOOO
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
No i am real fly and i am plotting to land on someones pie rn and ruin it with all my real fly germs. rubbing my hands together as i do it too
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Anyone wanna bet this guy is some amphibian from 4frog typing this nonsense from their lilypad right now? Just me? Okay-
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
I am buzzing around people's ears now
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Yep, that pretty much confirms my theory. The nerve of some non-flies, I swear 🙄
🪰 batsianmimc Follow
@venus-fly-trap-hater
🪰 venus-fly-trap-hater Follow
this post is so real!! tysm babe for sending it to me 💞 ilyy
🪰 batsianmimc Follow
ILY too sugar cube 😘
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
Can you guys stop kissing on this post its ruining my evil scheme planning
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Can't believe this guy is still at it, honestly. @staff @tumblr Please take action against fake fly troll accounts such as these ones!
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
Staff cant kill me i rubbed my hands on them too hard and they dieded sorry
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
🤣🤣🤣 Oh the excuses this fake is making, LOL! I haven't been this entertained since the Bombylius major discourse last year!
🪰 compoundeyehaver Follow
why are you still arguing with the troll instead of just blocking
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Just think it's entertaining to see the lack of logic that bounces around in the brains of these non-flies sometimes 🤷‍♀️ Every response this so called "I am a real fly, trust me" user has given me has just made me crack up and flap my wings together.
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
I am gonna rub my hands and plan more evil schemes involving you next
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Heh, just try it, kid. Go on, I'll wait. 🥱
🦗 chirpingboy Follow
things are getting heated in the fly community
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
Of course a Grasshopper has the nerve to comment something insensitive on this post. Honestly, just mind your business 🙄
🦗 chirpingboy Follow
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okayy
🦗 hopping-along-the-bank Follow
Hey, you can't really preach for not discriminating against flies and then discriminate against a grasshopper, dude. Not cool.
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
I think I certainty can, with my past experiences of Grasshoppers always finding the ways to say the most uneducated and baseless takes on my previous posts and discussions. Plus, after the Fly-Grasshopper War of 247 BC (in which my ancestors fought in, mind you) and the consequences that followed it, I think I am well within my rights. But go ahead, frame me as the bad guy here. 🤣
🦗 hopping-along-the-bank Follow
Yeah, you say this and conveniently ignore the socio-economic struggles that grasshoppers have been facing for the past century, many of these issues which were spearheaded by fly conservative politicians in office at the time.
So, yeah, it is rather hypocritical for you to pull out these cards when grasshoppers have also been punished and gotten the short end of the stick throughout bug history.
🪰 crane-fly-wives Follow
The implication that all flies are responsible for a few greedy politicians is quite comical, really. 🥱 Not to mention that many Grasshopper politicians in Bugland and Bugtopia have also had histories of introducing laws that have severely affected communities majorly made up of Flies. But sure, keep arguing with me about this, buddy. I got all day 🤣
🐝 iamrealflytrustme Follow
I am still rubbing my hands and planing schemes btw
🪰 flythatlovestogethigh Follow
anyone smoke bug weed in this thread
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katyobsesses · 2 years
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pierregazly · 8 months
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to live for the hope of it all (part 3) ꨄ charles leclerc smau
charles leclerc x fem!reader / mick schumacher x fem!reader
pic credits: pinterest
link to part 1 | link to part 2
charles wins big (in 2 ways), mick soft launches, and y/n's just there to have a good time. thank you for all the love on this series! someone made a suggestion of having an alt au for the driver y/n didn't end up with so if there's interest in that let me know!! also this is NOT an accurate representation of monza 2023
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yourusername
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liked by pierregasly, arthur_leclerc, mickschumacher, and 959,052 others
yourusername no one show this to my boss lol... but monza you were the most wonderful experience... as always. congratulations to everyone, but a special congratulations to someone who means the most to me even when things are hard.
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username mother are u gonna get fired over this
username mother we like u too much at mercedes for this pls delete
arthur_leclerc forza ferrari!!!
username no charles like or comment??? this man better know how to fight
username relax he's probably celebrating jeez
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yourusername has followed charles_leclerc
mickschumacher has posted a story
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liked by yourusername, username, username and others
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username omg y/n??? username mick with the soft launch omf yourusername 2 lucky girls (and then there's mick) in this soft launch
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charles_leclerc has followed yourusername
charles_leclerc
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liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, yourusername and 2,546,116 others
charles_leclerc could not have done this without the team, the tifosi faithful and the extraordinary people who are always by my side. this one is for you 🇮🇹
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pierregasly congrats mr leclerc 😉 hope you got your prize
username forza ferrari!!!
yourusername so proud of you always 💗
username y/n commenting on his last post is the obvious reason why he won lets be real rn
username war is over... y/n and charles follow each other again and she's regularly commenting
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username shut up is that CHARLES is this a soft soft soft launch charles_leclerc 💗
mickschumacher
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liked by yourusername, lance_stroll, username, and 202,406 others
mickschumacher my personal photographer has really outdone herself these past 2 weeks
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yourusername lets all say thank you y/n (for the photos and for encouraging laila that the backstreet boys look was a vibe)
mickschumacher i knew it
username omg username on twitter was acc right???
username we were all delulu for weeks, i cant believe y/n and mick are just friends 😭
username thank u yourusername for taking the best photos of our boy!!
liked by yourusername and 200 others
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yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, mickschumacher, pierregasly and 687,843 others
yourusername mama always said if a man tells you he loves you, make him prove it. i think he's proving it mama.
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pierregasly red roses seems more logical but i guess this works
yourusername shut up pierre they're lovely
username are they from CHARLES
arthur_leclerc daisies for the prettiest flower in the room
yourusername you texted me 45 seconds after posting this and told me they were 'the ugliest fucking flowers you've ever seen and you're not surprised he'd pick them' arthur_leclerc i stand by what i said here and there
charles_leclerc 🤍
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taglist
@leclerces @needtokeepfeelingsincheck @sassyheroneckgiant @sillyfreakfanparty @leclercdream @allywthsr @bladestark @adoxra @electrobutterfly @powerfulmess @katcontrreras @livster @vellicora @meadhbhcavanagh @tsukishitm-a @f1pandrea @incoherenciass @sltwins @sunny44 @myescapefromthislife @janeholt3 @hwienv @raizelchrysanderoctavius @msliz @karina-v20 @crlsummer @gaslysainz @p4st3lst4rs @lazybot @tagteamedbitch @ravisinghs-wife @thomaslefteyebrow @smoothopz @willowpains @justdreamersdream @elijahslover @pampeop @driveswiftly13 @leclercdream @glow-ish @hheartbreakhotell @notleclerc @f1wintermoon13 @ironmaiden1313 @peachiicherries @christianpulisic10 @elowynnlane @needtokeepfeelingsincheck @treehillheda @stevesworld9 @laneyspaulding19 @nmw-am @iloveyou3000morgan
if your name is bolded/struct through, i wasn't able to tag you for some reason. thank you all for the love!
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illyrianbitch · 3 months
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-ˋˏ MASTERLIST ˎˊ-
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✨ indicates smut ♡ indicates a series ✰ indicates a one shot ↯ installment of series but can be read as stand-alone last updated: 4/17/24
Azriel
♡ . — Beneath the Ashes of Our Broken Oaths
After abandoning the refuge of Velaris, you, Morrigan’s sister, returned to the forsaken Hewn City fueled by a vision for a better future. Now, your estranged family seeks your help when rumors of rebellion spread at a time of utmost inconvenience. Torn between your anger and a desire to protect the good, you begrudgingly agree and are forced to face memories of a past life and the unsettling presence of Azriel– the first man you ever loved.
♡ . — The Anatomy of Dependence
You and Azriel are drawn together by an unbreakable bond, encountering obstacles and triumphs across the centuries and finding your way back to each other again and again.
✰. —Death and His Reaper
After suffering a devastating injury in battle, Azriel finds himself on the brink of life and death where he meets you, The Mother's reaper.
↯. — Back to Our Roots
With the Acheron sisters out of town, you and your family plan for a quiet night in— just like old times.
✰. —Where I Left My Lover
After a brush with death, Azriel makes a difficult decision to protect you.
✰. —What We Make of What We're Made
When Azriel overhears Feyre's concern about your transition to fae life, he agrees to check on you.
✰. —An Education in Malice✨
With the sharp tongue of your notorious family, you are Azriel's most tantalizing challenge yet. It only takes one small meeting before you both realize that the line between hate and desire is dangerously thin. Part Two✨
✰. —When the Heart is Still Longing
Azriel thought you were the one. Now, he can’t move on
Cassian
♡ ↯. —And I'm Thinking About Your Lips ✨
You and Cassian have been best friends since you were teenagers-- just friends. But one night at Rita's changes everything and now you cant breathe when you're around him and he can't stop imagining how you'd taste. 18+ SMUT! porn with "plot" aka: best friends to lovers ↯ Part One, ↯ Part Two
↯. — A Hobby for Two
Cassian surprises you with a small gift. You spend the night teaching him how to properly enjoy it.
✰. —A Place For Dying
A mission with Cassian goes terribly wrong.
✰. —Words of Affirmation
Even the Lord of Bloodshed gets insecure sometimes. As his mate, you always know the right words to say.
Rhysand
✰. —Insatiable ✨
There are countless reasons why you and Rhysand don’t work… but those reasons don’t seem so important when you’re tipsy in a bathroom with him inside you. 18+ SMUT!
Lucien Vanserra
♡ . — Hidden Things
Following a cryptic vision from Elain, Lucien finds himself seeking out an enchanted artifact at your shop in the heart of the Day Court. What he finds instead is a profound connection with you—and a version of himself he believed he had lost.
Eris Vanserra
�� . — A House of Hunger
Every Autumn court citizen is hungry for something; beasts starved for influence, desperate for control, ravenous for power. Your tastes are no different—albeit a bit specific. It's a deep craving that boils in the pit of your stomach, hot and heavy, all consuming. You’re hungry for revenge.
Bat-Boys (Reader x BatBoys)
✰. —Worth It
It can be hard to remember why you’ve put up with your best friends for centuries-- until they remind you why they're worth it.
✰. —A Helping Hand
Even most powerful males in Prythian need relationship advice from their best friend.
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Mini-Series
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♡ . — Mirthroot Mini-Series
Between dodging death and saving Prythian, its always nice to make time and enjoy one of The Mother's greatest creations: mirthroot. Reader x ACOTAR Characters
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coolyiooo · 10 months
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BSD Men Reacting To You saying "I fake my orgasms"
parings: Dazai, Ranpo, Fyodor, Atsushi, and Chuuya
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❗Warnings❗: begging, edging, praise, degrade, overstimulating, squirting and more
Summary:You two were in a bit of a small, stupid, argument. And for some reason you thought you'd get back at him if you said "I fake my orgasms" to him.
🖤DAZAI🖤
He looked a bit taken back, it was an out of the blue comment. He just stared at you with wide eyes
"So your telling me you were acting like you were dumb on my cock, to the point you couldn't even form sentences, or think about anything else but my name and my cock?"
You gulped a bit "yes"
He kept staring at you, then he smiled with his eyes closed. He looked very innocent looking
"Hm Then I guess I'm going to have to make it up to you for making you unsatisfied"
He then takes you to the bedroom and rails you like there's no tomorrow. Making you cum again and again. Orgasm after orgasm and he still hasn't stopped. The way this man kissed you, praise you, degrade you, moaned your name, and held you always put you over the edge. He put you in a state where all you could do was form small words and moan.
"Heh~ I knew you were lying bella~ your squeezing me so fucking tightly with your pretty little cunt ah~ mmn~ just tell me you were lying and I promise I'll stop~"
"MMMN~! I- I AAH~ w-was! MMPPH~ P-please AGH~! S-spare m-me!"
"Hmm~ I want a better apology bella~"
"SAMU~ y-your mmn-! The only one who's ever m-made me AGH~! Satisfied! MMM~ Please f-forgive me! Mmmn-! I'm sorry~!"
"Good girl~ as my reward mmn~ I'll bury my cum deep inside you ah~! You'll for sure cum again heh~ I'm sure you don't mind~"
💚RANPO💚
He looked at you with a bit of a worried expression.
"Are you trying to hurt my feelings?..because it's working"
When it comes to you, he cant handle any type of degrading, even if he knows it's not true.
"I know your lying but it still doesn't help that you hurt my feelings!" He said with a bit of tears in his eyes.
"I- I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!"
"Then make it up to me!"
"H-huh? Well what can I do to make you forgive me?"
He thought for a second and then spoke "I want to see you dumb on my cock from how many times you'll cum on it" he said with a smile.
Later that night. You were jumping on his cock even after a couple orgasms. You and him were both hugging eachother even with you bouncing on his dick. All both of you could do was moan and whimper. He was also in the same state as you were in but he was just a tab bit more stable.
"Mmmn~! you feeling good on my cock, sugar? Ah~! Your so f-fucking wet mph~! from how much you came on my cock~"
You could only respond in whimpers and moans. "Heh~ I forgive you, sweetie~ mmmn~ now let me give you a little cream filling Mph~! as a token of my gratitude~"
💜FYODOR💜
He chuckled "is that your pathetic attempt of getting back at me? If your going to lie you have to make it believable, my love"
"I-"
He grabbed your chin and looked at you with dark eyes "You'll regret saying such a disgusting lie, my dear. I'll have to show you just how horribly wrong you are"
He drags you into the bedroom and makes love to you roughly. It felt so fucking good but Fyodor kept on edging you. No matter how many times you kept apologizing and begging for a release, he wouldn't grant you your wish.Its pathetic but you were crying at this point. You've never felt so desperate.
"P-please Fedya! MMM~! I want to cum! It hurts! AGH~! I need it~!"
He then pulled his cock outside of your quivering cunt. You whimpered loudly.
"Why should I let you have your release? You've misbehaved, and I have to teach you a lesson to never lie to me"
"I p-promise I'll never lie to you! I swear I've learned my lesson, I'll be better. Please just let me cum. I'm sorry, Fedya!" you said, crying from desperation.
Suddenly he kissed your cheek, that was wet from your tears, and began to ram into you, shaking the whole bed. You began moaning loudly, while gripping onto Fyodor's shoulders.
"Mmn~ Then what are you waiting for, my love? Let it all out~"
You didn't waste a single second and came, probably the best orgasm you ever had. You moaned so loud it was basically just screaming. It was such an amazing release, you squirted all over Fyodor. After you calmed down from your high, your body was basically knocked out. Fyodor then kissed your lips gently.
"Thank you, fedya" you whispered before you fell asleep.
💙ATSUSHI💙
His face turned pale like a ghost "a-are.. are you serious?" You could see a bit of tears in his eyes. How could he not? All he ever wanted to do was satisfy you, but knowing he's been failing, he feels useless
Oh no. What have you done? How could you do this to literally the nicest man on earth?
"I- I'm sorry I couldn't be a better man" he said, looking down, almost like a whimper. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough" You immediately hugged him
"NO! Atsushi I was lying! Your more than enough. Your literally perfect!"
He seemed confused "then why did you say that?"
"I just- wasn't thinking...I really was lying. If I'm being honest your the best man I've ever been with"
He felt relieved but he still felt like you were lying, his insecurities getting the better of him. You could tell he wasnt really believing what you were saying.
"How about... I show you just how much you satisfy me?"
You were soon both in the bed. You were being passionate and gentle, giving him so much praise he almost couldn't handle it. You were wrapped up in each other's arms, kissing every inch of the others body. You were both on your sides while facing each other, One of your legs held by his arm to put around his waist. His head on your shoulder being a whimpering mess.
"Mmn~ F-fuck! you make me feel so amazing, Atsushi~ mmnph~! i-im g-gonna cum again"
"Mmmn~! Me too ah! F-fuck! d-dont stop! Please~ I need to feel you cum on my dick again~ mph~! it feel so good~"
It's safe to say he forgives you and knows how much you love him.
🧡CHUUYA🧡
Our beloved man looks so offended. His eyes look so confused but he also looks a bit worried.
"Your kidding, right?"
"Well, what if I told u I wasn't?"
He looked at you with the same expression, then he started to smile, then began to full on laugh. You were confused.
"why are you laughing?"
"You said a joke so I laughed, dollface" he said with a slight smirk.
"Me and you both know I satisfy you very well. No offense darling, but if I didn't satisfy your needs then why do you always come to me, begging for my cock like a whore for a release?"
Now YOU were a bit offended, but it's because you know he's right."Do I really act like that?" You asked a bit embarrassed
He smirks "Hm? Well why don't I prove it to you, doll? So you can see for yourself"
You soon find yourself in your bed with Chuuya railing you, making the bed shake as if it's going to break any second. You were moaning loudly and so was he. Seeing how his hips moved into your pussy, desperate to reach the deepest parts of you to fill his cum into, was so hot.
"I-im gonna Mmmn~! Cum! "
"Then beg for it like you always do, doll~ Ah~! otherwise I won't allow you to~ Mnn~!"
"Please~ Mmn~ I need you to m-make me cum Mph~! it feels so good~ please don't s-stop! Ah~!" You whimpered, a bit embarrassed
"You always beg so beautifully Mph~! It makes me so fucking hard hah~ Go ahead and cum on my dick, darling"
You came on his dick, squeezing him with your pussy tightly. Your loud moaning was music to Chuuya's ears. The scene was so fucking unbearable for him he also came. You were both now breathing heavily, calming down from your highs. After a couple seconds, Chuuya started to pound you again.
"You didn't think we were actually done did you doll~?"
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ikyw-t · 2 years
Text
kay im gonna try to have a good and productive day today so help me god
#but i did wake up feeling rly sad bc yesterday i thought about my rs with my twin sister for more than 1 minute#and started crying about it to my mom yesterday bc my sister has literally by far been the most unsupportive person in my life#like throughout my entire life no exception#she's told me im bad at singing and will never get better when i was like 14 which is just. stupid#anyone can get better at basically anything with practice. and i obviously have gotten so much better since then esp bc i took some classes#but also i woke up today and randomly just started remembering on how many separate occasions over the years#she's been so mean to me for seemingly no reason and made me cry like#when we would visit our cousin and i wanted us all to play together or whatever she'd always turn it into a 2 v 1#even more recently with him she'd always end up making fun of me and id have to just hang out alone#instead of with my cousin who i only see maybe once a year at most bc she was always mean to me#once in hs when our parents were out of time for a few days she took my laptop and phone away?#i cant even remember why but i think bc it was late at night? and i wanted to talk to my bf at the time?#i cant for the life of me imagine wtf compelled her to do... like what was the fucking point besides making me upset?#one time even before we were going to a wedding with the family she was just being so mean and rude#and youll never believe it. made me cry.#ive just always been a sensitive and emotional person like yes that's true.#but she's also only ever been mean and unsupportive to me ever. like... i wish i was exaggerating but im just not#the only time she's ever supportive is if you do the exact thing she also does.#her only advice for me ever has been to do yoga and eat better#whatever i could go on it doesnt rly matter she's always been mean and selfish#it's never made any difference how nice ige been or tried to help her or how many favors ive done she's just never cared to be nice to me#so... whatever. hashtag sorry for being so depressing this early on main#i mean whatever rly what else is there even to say#if u didn't know i have a twin bc i rarely ever mention her well that's why#anyway gonna go try to have a normal day now and not think about it#p#ok i am actually done but also i sometimes remember how she made me parents buy her a ticket to see the 1989 tour with me#when id been wanting to see taylor since speak now and that was my first chance and i was obviously over the moon with excitement#just for her to spend the entire concert making fun of taylor and making mean jokes. literally what is the fucking point#like even then. she couldn't be nice for two fucking hours like... jesus. anyway whatever. just stupid shit ig
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skatingbi · 6 months
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So hear me out on my headcanon guys:
Sanji with heterochromia (i cant spell that fuckin word man..) where one eye is blue and another is brown. He always hides the blue eye.
The first one to notice is Zoro, who is immediantly like "holy shit youre eyes are pretty" and sanji is like "what the FUCK"
Actually fuck it im gonna write about this nobody can stop me.
Sometimes, on lonley nights in the gallery, when Sanji is busy prepping, he looks in the reflection of his knife. Underneath the frizzy mess of a fringe that is part of his hair reveals the blue eye he struggles looking at. He stares, scrutinizing that light blue in the gleam of his knife gripped tightly in his hand. He looks away to force his attention back on prep work. His hands are always slightly unsteady after those moments. He always ends up with a cut on his hand one way or another on those nights.
When Sanji was a kid, his brothers would use his heterochromia as a weapon against him. He was the freak with two colored eyes. They would say his blue eye was creepy, too. Not only was he weak but also too different to be called their brother.
When you're a kid, you take these insults to heart. Eventually, when you're barely into adulthood, they'll still plague you. They become a part of you, just like how Zeff's teachings became a part of Sanji.
Judge looked at his eyes with disgust masked by indifference. It was another reason for Sanji to assume why he was the failure. The outcast. The runt of the litter.
His mother had blue eyes. She always claimed Sanji got his blue eye from her because her father had heterochromia, too. That was the only time little Sanji felt normal. When she died, Sanji started to grow out his hair to hide the only thing he had left of her: her eyes.
Now, Sanji still hides her eyes from view. Realistically, Sanji is fully aware that none of the crew would give a rats ass what he looked like. Regardless, old habits die hard. He feels safe under the mask he made for himself. As he goes about preparing lunch, perhaps grilled sea king again with how luffy is always eager to fight those things, he lets his mind wander to his eyes more. While hands expertly move through his knife like an extension of his body, he thinks about the mess of blond hair that's always in the way. He'd never admit it out loud, but his hair actually bothers him. Since it started growing out, it gets everywhere; his mouth, in his eyes, and tangled in the buttons of his shirt. Is sanji happy with his longer hair? Absolutely. It's a nusiance to leave it down constantly, though.
As he's thinking this, he's blowing the fringe of hair covering his face out of the way every so often so it stops tickling his nose. He continues to evenly slice through a portion of sea king meat until somebody, Nami he realizes immediantly, speaks up.
"Do you need a hair tie, sanji?" Nami asks sweetly. Her smile is radiant, as always, while she looks up from the map shes been studying. Sanji didnt even realize Nami came in and made the kitchen table into a study until now, but he doesnt dwell on it. Nami is welcome in his kitchen, after all.
"Oh no, thank you, Nami-swan! I think I just need a haircut soon," Sanji lies as he's moving through the kitchen. He gives Nami a quick smile before turning back to the meat on the cutting board and avoids Nami's gaze under the disguise of being busy. His lie wasn't as believable as he wanted it to be, especially when he's stumbling over his words while he is usually eloquent with them towards Nami and Robin.
"But until then, you should take one! I probably have hundreds lying around my room anyways," She says. It's a peace offering designed to be in Sanji's language of communication. It secretly says he's getting that hairtie whether he wants it or not, and Sanji is weak enough to accept the offering. He takes the hair tie with a grateful smile, wrapping it around his wrist and going back to his current task. Nami and Sanji work in comfortable silence after that, but the hair tie weighs on his wrist like a weighted bracelet.
A few days pass by. Through every single one, he stares at the hair tie in the morning. He really should tie his hair back. It reaches his shoulders for gods sake, and it keeps getting in his mouth - but that small part of him that clings onto grief like its all that he knows refuses to. He doesn't think he can bring himself to share the only part of himself that he truly loves deep down. What if the crew really thinks it's weird? What if his brothers are right?
These what if's roam in the back of his mind. They lurk just beneath the surface like an unknown predator hidden in murky water. He ignores it along with the anxiety that crawls up his throat every time he looks at his wrist.
Then, a week passes by. Now he's in his kitchen making a simple breakfast for his nakama. Franky, in particular, will enjoy this since his tastes lie within American style food most of the time. He focuses on seasoning the eggs, some of them cooked differently to cater to everyone's tastes. While he goes through the familiar and therapeutic motions of cooking, the door opens to reveal an annoying head of mossy hair and the steady noise of three swords bumping each other at the hip.
" Oi, go to sleep in your own bunk. I dont need you stinkin' up my kitchen while im trying to work." He utters without looking up from the stove.
"Why can't I just sleep here shit cook?" Zoro grunts. Sanji hears him shuffle around on the gallery's couch behind him. He's probably lying down, or maybe he'll sleep sitting up again, or maybe he'll watch Sanji cook. That's the most irritating one, which usually ends up with them fighting out on the deck one way or another.
"Because youre fuckin' annoying, get out."
"The hell I am, I'm taking a nap here."
"Oh my - You know what?" Sanji whips around to glare at Zoro, making sure the knife he was using is now in his hand to point at the source of his ire, "Fine, but if I hear a single snore out of you I'm kicking you into the ocean!" He threatens and turns around to finish up with breakfast. By now, all he has left is pancakes. The batter was prepped earlier, so now it's just focusing on pouring evenly. It's task that's menial but still important to him regardless.
His hair is covering his face too much. He tries to shake his head to flip it to the side. It falls back to where it was before he can pick the bowl of batter back up. He brushes it over his shoulder, and it simply flows back over it. He blows his hair out of the way, a classic move, but not even that works and he's slamming the bowl down on the counter before he can even stop himself and walks away from his work to grab the hairtie from around his wrist. In a few fluid motions, he ties his hair back haphazardly into a poor attempt at a low bun, but it's out of his face, and now he can focus.
He's too deep in concentration to even remember that he has heterochromia in the first place. Cooking lowers his guard unlike anything else in the world. The gallery acts like a safe space and cooking is his comfort. He still forgets, too, while calling for Zoro to get his lazy ass up to help since he's decided to loiter in his kitchen.
"Hey moss, if you're gonna laze around my kitchen, set the table for me." His request demand is met with a middle finger, which Sanji gladly returns as he walks over to the couch to kick Zoro on the stomach. The half asleep annoyance is now suddenly alert and glares at Sanji for a moment before it's quickly replaced with a look Sanji has yet to add to his mental notes he likes to call "Marimo Dictionary". Zoro's eyebrows are slightly raised, and his eyes glitter with something Sanji rarely sees. He's never been able to place a name on that look. Now he's confused. "What? Dont give me that youre tired crap youre not fuckin 10." He says.
Zoro is still looking at him, though, and now Sanji looks back with confusion because what the fuck is he-
Oh. His eyes.
Shit.
Sanji rips the hairtie out of his hair at light speed, probably pulling a few strands out by accident in the process but he could honestly care less when theres something more important. Like whatever the fuck just happened.
Before he can turn away and go set the table himself to distance himself from the marimo, Zoro's hand moves suddenly to grab his wrist, stopping him from running away.
"Wait, wait, hold on," Zoro pleads. And what the fuck. Zoro has never said anything like that and its fucking with Sanji's head because what the fuck. "You...uh." He continues in his signature graceless way. "Your eyes..." He pauses after that, sitting up and looking at Sanji, but not just looking, he's looking.
"Marimo," Sanji's own voice is riddled with anxiety with how shaky it is now. "Let me go dumbass," He demands but it could have been mistaken for him begging with how much he's struggling to keep himself together.
He's anticipating the worst. He knows what he's expecting. Sanji has experienced it countless times before, and he's aware he will again right now while a pancake is probably burning on the pan for all he knows.
It doesnt.
Zoro is looking at him still, maintaining eye contact but also darting between both eyes. He's looking at him like those golden eyes are looking into his soul and its too much.
It's too much because Zoro's response is uncharacteristically soft in so many ways. Zoro speaks to him like he's speaking with reverence, "Your eyes are beautiful."
Sanji shatters on the gallery floor there. His soul is bare for Zoro to see suddenly and that terrifies Sanji. Nobody has ever told him he's beautiful. Especially his eyes. He yanks his wrist from Zoro's grasp and speed walks to the stove to turn it off and remove the burnt pancake from the pan. He doesnt respond. He cant, not when his heart flutters when it should have been anchored down by rejection.
Then, Sanji walks up to Zoro, grabs onto both his shoulders, pushes him out the gallery door with surprisingly little resistance, and slams it shut. He leans against the door, sliding down until he's sitting on the floor with his head tucked between his knees. His face is burning and his face is probably red like a tomato right now. He stares at the ground with wide eyes and a weirdly giddy feeling in his chest and stomach nearly akin to happiness but also dangerously close to feeling freaked the hell out.
"What the fuck."
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