#i didn’t think i could do this bc just looking at photos of the memorial has been making me cry uncontrollably

[everythingne]

wing damage - mv1

Eldest of the Halliwell-Horner pack, Y/n “Nadine” Horner gets her heart broken by the man she’s supposed to wed in six months. Four years of love slipping down the drain faster than she can try and grasp at the remaining water droplets. But... not all hope is lost as far as the f1 community is concerned and they might be right, since Max seems to be trying to get a little closer to his Team Principals daughter.

max verstappen x influencer!horner!reader

warnings & notes: cheating, mentions of alcohol, small age gap (24-27), strong language, probably inaccurate f1 information, using a name as a placeholder for y/n bc i’m not typing that every time, dates are off by two days in the beginning. deal, might have gotten christian's lore wrong but idk man he's just a white guy

fc: sophia la corte (and various ginger women on pinterest.)

04 MARCH 2024 — TWITTER. ↴

—

BAHRAIN, 04 MARCH 2024 — REDBULL GARAGE ↴

“Do you want me to confront him?” Max asks, sitting down next to me in the paddock. His hand comes to squeeze my knee, my father rubbing my back as he deletes every photo—every memory of Jacob Taylor from my phone. Four years down the drain. My friends back home at my apartment are currently bagging up his stuff. Both Mona and Ally will move in with me, just like college again, once his stuff is empty. My bare apartment will soon be filled with our old nick nacks but i can hardly be happy about it.

Cheated.

The man who spent 50k on an emerald cut four karat ring with a real gold band, cheated? The man who cried when his mom told him she loved me, cheated? The man who cancelled an entire film set because it conflicted with my schedule, cheated? The man who won over the hearts of not only Geri Horner, but Christian Horner? He was the one who cheated?

Jacob was (strong emphasis on the was) the highest standard I ever held. Now, I didn’t even know what standards to have anymore. Anyone could be a cheater. I never stood a chance.

“It’s fine, Max.” I say softly, wiping at my face again to try and make it look less like I’ve been sobbing since I found out as soon as the plane touched down two days ago. The paddock is buzzing, qualifiers getting ready to start for the first GP. The warm Bahraini sun beats down on the track and I can see the heat wiggling above it. Even in March it’s as hot as summer over here, and part of me misses the gloomy, smoggy streets of London right now.

“It’s not fine!” Max groans at me, throwing his head back in exclamation. I know he’s sick and tired of hearing me say it for the thousandth time, but if I say it’s not fine, I’ll break down. And we can’t have that.

“Max,” Pierre’s voice calls before Max can go on another tirade about killing Jacob. Max turns and I can see the hesitance in him to leave my side. He’s been like this since I met him the first day he raced with Red Bull years back—instantly the two of us clicked. When the days got hard, or his dad got on his back a bit too much, I would appear by his side and with a tiny smile somehow I'd fix everything. After I became his sort of 'chauffeur' when one of our drivers got sick in Abu Dhabi his first year, and we got stuck in an hour of traffic with nothing to do but talk, we became basically glued to each others sides.

I think having my unwavering support made a lot of the transition into Red Bull easier for him. And in moments like these, where he's watching me with a keen eye, I don’t know how I lived so long without his calm presence at my side. I was only a five years old when my dad joined Redbull, it’s been my entire life, and every racer who has passed through our team has never stuck to my side like Max Verstappen has.

“Go.” I nudge his knee when I see his hand twitch and hover by his helmet, eyes darting to me and then Pierre who waits in the doorway, so I supply, “I’ll be here when you get back.”

Max nods, giving me a departing hug before he gets up and starts tugging his racing suit on. Immediately my father replaces him, turning my head to card his hands through my hair.

“Oh, honey.” My father murmurs, squeezing my arms as he lets me lean into him, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, Papa.” I sigh, leaning into him and letting his wrap his arms tight around me.

“No, I trusted that boy. That’s what I did wrong.” He says back, before handing me back my phone. We sit like that for a long time, people passing us without asking. Everyone knew. I had found out the same way they all did—on social media. Jacob didn’t even have the balls to tell me himself. Fucking coward.

Eventually someone calls my father away, the racing must now in full swing. So I force myself to sulk off to a hidden corner where I can munch on chocolates and watch Max from a little tv. Not as good as my usual perch next to my dad, but I don’t need the public seeing me the day I find out my fiancé of several years had been cheating almost the whole time. With his co-star. Fucking hell.

10 MARCH 2024 — INSTAGRAM ↴

THENADINEHORNER MADE A NEW POST!

liked by maxverstappen, danielricciardo, charlesleclerc, and 124k others...

thenadinehorner: the halliwell-horner household >>

tagged: christianhorner, gerihalliwell, blubelhals, theoliviahorner.

USER HAS COMMENTS LIMITED ON THIS POST

gerihalliwell: love u lots mini ginger spice!!!!

⤷ thenadinehorner: mama ill cry </3

charlesleclerc: maman says hello and that she will have wine for you when you come to monaco

⤷ arthurleclec: nadine you are very beautiful do not let a man win -- maman

⤷ thenadinehorner: OMGGGG <3<3<3 XOXO MAMAN JE VOUS AIME TELLEMENT

christianhorner: my beautiful daughter

theoliviahorner: best sister ever

allycameragirl: cutest family fr

blubelhals: I LOVE YOU NADI COME BACK SOON !!!

maxverstappen: you and your sisters together is recipe for disaster

⤷ danielricciardo: bet they're planning ur downfall.

⤷ thenadinehorner: beware both of u 🔪

10 MARCH 2023 — LONDON, ENGLAND.

I knew returning home to my apartment was going to be hard. I had spent a few days with my dad, Geri, Olivia, Bluebell, and Monty. My father's third marriage had brought me Bluebell and Monty, Olivia's mother my first step mother and my father's second wife.

My mother? I didn't speak to her for good reason.

But being in my father and Geri's home had been refreshing enough to start and heal my heart. I also learned that Geri was really fucking good at healing, it involved a lot of wine and a lot of cursing.

My apartment had been a home full of happy memories of moving in with Jacob, and our time living together everyday I wasn’t at GPs and he wasn’t on set. Memories of our families and friends together with us, and now it would be just me. So empty. Alone. White walls with no decorations anymore. Just staring at me, closing in slowly.

God, I’d rather kill myself than deal with the solid ache in my heart that hasn’t left in almost a week.

Opening the door I sucked in a breath of pure agony. My father’s warm hand around my shoulder a soft reminder that even if I felt abandoned, I wasn’t alone. Not by a long shot. And as the door clicks open, my hand finds the lights instinctually, and my eyes widen to dinner plates.

“Welcome home!” a chorus cheers and I laugh, all my of old friends circled around the end of the foyers hallway, wine glasses and soju bottles in hand. I can’t even speak as tears fill my eyes and the girls run to me, waving my father off. He kisses my hairline, tells me he'll text me when he gets home, and shuts the door as my friends cart me into the kitchen and wipe my tears and fix up my messy hair with giggles.

“Tonight!” One of my friends—eventually I source the drunken giggles to Ally, “we will make you so hot and sexy, he will regret it.”

“And if he comes crawling back!” It’s Mona now.

“We will rip his dick off!” Marija shouts and the girls raise shots to me.

“Guys—what is all of this?” I can’t help but laugh, and then the three look at each other and smile.

“So… you’ve heard of a revenge dress, right?” Ally says slowly, and it all clicks.

—

10 MARCH 2023 — INSTAGRAM

THENADINEHORNER MADE A NEW POST!

liked by maxverstappen, charlesleclerc, christianhorner and 976k others..

thenadinehorner: ‘little black dress, who you doin it for?’ 🖤

tagged: monanotlisa, allycameragirl, marijaswrld

USER HAS LIMITED COMMENTS ON THIS POST.

maxverstappen: Is this that ‘hot girl era’ thing?

⤷ charlesleclerc: i think so.

monanotlisa: absolutely sexy. as per usual.

allycameragirl: FUCKKK UR HOT 🖤🖤

landonorris: one direction???

⤷ thenadinehorner: ofc you know it’s one direction.

⤷ landonorris: cannot tell if this is a compliment or not but thanks ?

marijaswrld: 🧎‍♀️ < me

#my fic #formula one fic #formula 1 fic #formula one smau #max verstappen #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen smau

[tenswrld]

soup!

mark lee x reader, super fluffy bc this is my literal bf and he makes me want to cry 25/8

a/n: mark brainrot has been so bad lately the delusions are getting to me

“where do you wanna go for lunch today?” you asked your boyfriend, who was currently mindlessly scrolling through his phone. 

it was mark’s day off from his tour, leaving you and him to explore chicago on your own. like the lovely significant other you are, you decided to treat mark out for lunch as a way to reward him for all the hard work that he’s been doing.

“uhm,” he thought for a second before letting out an awkward laugh. “i don’t really know what’s around here.”

you thought about taking him somewhere fancy; somewhere where you could proudly treat your boyfriend to expensive ass food (even if it did leave you and your wallet crying by the end of the night) because, to you, mark deserved nothing but the absolute best. thus, you began to search for some of the more famous spots in chicago. a curious hum from your lover quickly interrupted you and caught your attention.

“johnny was talking about this one place he used to go to all the time,” he trailed off, trying to remember the name. “it’s, like, a bakery...?”

“a bakery...” you mumbled to yourself, smiling at the idea. “that would be cute!”

“i think it was called panera...?” mark sat up, ready to call johnny to confirm if his memory was correct. “yeah, i’m pretty sure that’s what it was called.”

you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “you want to go to panera?”

mark smiled at the sound of your laughter and turned to look at you. “yeah, i’m down! i want to see what johnny was raving about.”

“it’s not all that fancy though, just a warning,” you replied. not that there was anything wrong with panera, but you wanted to treat mark to something...better than panera.

mark shrugged, moving a stray piece of hair out of your eyes. “i don’t care about that. as long as i get to spend time with you, i can eat anything.”

flushed, you looked away and stood up, pulling mark up with you. “alright! panera it is!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

the two of you stood aside as you browsed the menu together. you hummed nostalgically with a soft smile on your face as you took in the atmosphere.

“you know, i used to come to panera a lot when i was in high school, too,” you told your boyfriend (who was meticulously observing his different options of soup).

at this, mark turned his head to you. “really? that’s dope, i didn’t know that.” the excitement in his voice made you chuckle, finding your boyfriend extremely endearing. “okay, should i get the chicken soup, or the broccoli cheddar? what vibe are we feeling today?”

after a moment, you leaned into his shoulder. “how about the chicken soup? we can share that and i can get us a pizza to share too.”

mark nodded and placed a soft kiss on your head, silently agreeing to your proposal. he let out a sudden gasp, catching you off guard. “woah, wait, you can get your soup in a bread bowl?” he looked at you as if to get your opinion and was only met with a fond smile. he took that as a way of you saying you liked the idea as much as he did. “dude, let’s do that.”

“i’ll order, you can find us a place to sit.” you gently pushed mark, determined to pay for your guys’ meal today.

mark frowned, keeping close to your side. “what? no, no, i can order, you should go sit.”

you placed your hands on mark’s shoulders, stopping him in his place. “let me treat you today, okay? you deserve it.” after mark made no effort to move, you pleaded one more time. “please? let me do this for you.”

although reluctant, mark eventually gave into you. he placed a quick peck on your cheek before turning around to go find a table for you two. “i’m treating us to dessert after this, then.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

“oh my god.”

you couldn’t help but laugh at the way that mark marveled at the food in front of him. he happily took photos of his bread bowl (and the pizza, but he was more excited about the bread bowl), and insisted on taking cute photos of you despite your constant whining about not being photogenic enough. you also took photos of mark, though he was too focused on the soup to notice that you were. 

mark dipped his spoon into the soup and raised it towards you, urging you to take the first bite (slurp ??). “here, taste it.”

leaning over the table, you hummed happily at the taste of the warm soup. maybe it was because of the cold weather in chicago, but the soup tasted especially good (or, maybe it was because you were eating it with the person you loved the most). “wow, that’s really good!”

mark took a napkin and wiped at a small drop of soup that dripped onto your chin before bringing the spoon to his mouth as well. leaning back in his seat, mark sighed in content, very clearly enjoying the soup. “damn,” he said after a second. “that’s some good soup. i see why you and johnny would come here all the time.”

“i think i only ever got the mac n cheese so, this is pretty new for me too,” you admitted, laughing at the look of disbelief on your boyfriend’s face.

“all those choices and you chose mac n cheese?” he teased you before feeding you another spoonful of soup.

“hey, the mac n cheese is really good, okay? and i was, like, sixteen.” you pouted at him.

“yeah, sixteen and clearly missing out on some good soup.” mark laughed at you, wincing after you gently kicked him under the table. “maybe we’ll have to come back sometime so you can treat me to this famous mac n cheese.”

smiling and reaching over to gently poke at his free hand, you agreed. “i think panera dates should be our thing whenever we come to the u.s., hm?”

mark shrugged. “that would be cool. i would eat anywhere with you, you know.” he took your hand in his and played with your fingers as he stared fondly at you.

you scrunched up your nose, feigning disgust. “you’re so corny.” mark only let out a soft chuckle and squeezed your hand that was still held in his.

“thanks for lunch today. you didn’t have to do that,” he thanked you softly, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“i wanted to treat you out today. you’ve been working really hard, it’s the least that i could do,” you confessed to him. “you’re doing great, you know? i don’t think i tell you that enough.”

dipping his head down, mark let out small noises of embarrassment. “don’t say things like that, you’re gonna make me blush.” he tried to fight the smile that was slowly growing on his face, but it was no use. “thank you, y/n. i love you.”

you pressed a quick kiss to his knuckles, your heart swelling at his words. “i love you too. now let’s fuck up this food!”

#i am down so bad #everyday i suffer #mark my beloved #just one chance PLEASE #mark lee #mark lee fluff #mark lee x reader #mark lee oneshot #mark lee drabbles #nct mark #nct 127 #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct fluff #nct oneshot #lee minhyung

[peterparkersnose]

Christmas Vibes

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 1.3k

warnings: nostalgia, age gap, horrible attempt to capture joel’s accent (fuck), just christmas fluff :)

a/n this kicks off my joel stories in preperation for tlou show on hbo max starting jan 15! enjoy and have a happy holidays. please tell me you understand the vibe aspect (triangle, purple, thursday, the number 4, blueberry pie) bc if not i am just really undiagnosed. 

summary Joel tries to make Christmas special for Y/N once again

masterlist

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read time: 4 mins 59 seconds

“It’s snowing,” you sighed, looking at your reflection in your window. The street lamp lights outside were plagued with the falling snow.

“Never liked winter,” Joel shuttered, taking off his jeans. You heard his belt clank as it hit the hamper. “Really? Not even Christmas?” you asked, playing with a strand of your hair with your gaze still locked outside.

“Sarah always loved it. I liked seeing her happy so I tolerated it.” Joel sighed. You could see the reflection of his flannel pajama pants in the window. You were touched that he mentioned Sarah. He rarely did. Even if you slept in the same room with that eerie photo of the two of them together staring at you, you never dared pushing the subject.

“What did she like?” you asked, testing the waters. “Hmm,” Joel thought. “When she was real young she loved Santa. Her grandpa would come around every year dressed up as ‘em. I’ll never forget her face every year when he would come.”

You nodded, not sure what to say. “I miss Christmas.” you sighed, sitting down next to Joel in the bed. “How many did you get? Before…”

“12.” you sighed. “My mom would always go out and cut us down a tree. I sometimes think about the smell of a real tree. It’s much different when the tree is in the woods versus your living room. I miss it. Every time it gets cold like this, my memories come back and it makes me hate this damned broken world even more.” you sighed, laying down on your back and staring at the ceiling.

“We always had fake trees,” Joel commented, flicking off the lamp. He was unsure on how to respond to you, so he tried to take your mind off the bitterness of the memories.

“You give fake tree vibes.” you told Joel, reaching for his hand in the sheets. “How can one give fake tree vibes?” “You just do.” “Explain?” he asked, grabbing your hand tightly “There’s no explanation. Just like how Maria gives off former yoga teacher vibes,”

He stopped and thought for a moment. “Well I’ll be damned, she really do.” “Told ya.” “Go to sleep,” he sighed. “She most definitely had a pixie cut when the world wasn’t shit,” you added.

“Where does your mind come up with these things?” Joel chuckled. “Ellie and I had a very intense conversation about it on patrol a few days ago. Just like how Tommy gives off cinnamon raisin bread vibes.”

“Stop that,” Joel insisted, shuffling in bed. “It’s too accurate. Freakin’ me out.”

“Maybe she has a dragonfly tattoo too. Somewhere special where only Tommy knows. Very yoga teacher-ish.”

“Go to bed Y/N.” Joel huffed, slamming his eyes shut.

Joel didn’t even know why he was doing this. He didn’t even like Christmas when the world was still normal.

But he liked you sure of a hell lot more than he hated Christmas.

His back ached as he dragged the tree through the gates of Jackson. He had picked out the greenest tree he could find and cut it down. The horse would have been useless with a close to 120 pound tree (he estimated).

“Need some help?” Tommy chuckled, arms crossed amused watching his brother lug in a tree. “S’pose I could,” he hissed at him, dragging the stem of the tree against the dirt ground. “All this for a woman?” Tommy asked, lifting the muddy end of the tree. “Your tellin’ me you wouldn’t do this for Maria?” “Maria wouldn’t want it,” “Well if she did?”

Tommy paused for a second to think. “Hell no,”

The tree barely fit in the door to your house. Joel cringed at all the needles he was going to have to pick up after this.

“Got her in?” Tommy asked, entering the house with the end of the tree still in his grips.

Tommy saw the makeshift tree holder and set the tree in the metal hole. Joel propped it up, holding the tree up for Tommy to bolt the tree to the metal plate.

The two of them now out of breathe took a step back to see the enormous tree.

“I think you may have underestimated the size of your house, big brother.” Tommy said, patting Joel on the back.

Joel’s eyes were glued to the top of the tree pressed against the ceiling and jutting outward.

His arms were crossed with one hand rubbing his brow. “She’s gonna hate it,” he muttered. “I think it’s rather cute. Quirky if you ask me. She likes that shit, don’t she?” Tommy re assured his brother.

“Should I cut it?” Joel asked. “Nah. You went out and did the dirty work. If she doesn’t appreciate it, she doesn’t deserve it. I always got a lighter if you need it.” he suggested.

Joel swept the needles up from the ground in preparation of your return. You had spent the day distracted by Ellie. The kids were having a winter festival down in the square and you two were volunteering.

Joel most definitely owed Ellie one after this.

He found the red and green blankets from storage and placed them on the couch. Holiday decorations were rare to find (minus halloween) and he was trying his best.

He was in the middle of fluffing the pillows when he heard the old door creek open.

A sudden gasp came from you as your hand clasped over your mouth. “What is this?” you asked, a smile widening on your face.

“I know it ain’t perfect, I didn’t measure right but it’s…”

“Joel, it’s perfect.” you insisted, wrapping your hands around the man who was cowering in embarrassment. “It’s too tall, the tree ain’t right.”

“Shh,” you shushed him, wrapping an arm around his rib cage. “I love it,” you muffled into his chest.

“Oh!” you said, suddenly realizing what you had done that day.

You and Ellie had made strings of snowflakes all day with the kids.

The white paper cut outs strung perfectly around the tree.

“Careful there,” Joel said, balancing you as you stood on your tippy toes to reach the top. “Ready?” he asked.

“Ready for-”

Joel hoisted you up by your waist erupting a squeal from you. “Joel!” you laughed, squirming in his reach.

“String…‘em,” he demanded with his raspy voice, struggling holding you in his grip. As you strung the paper around the branches, needles dropped down. Specifically on Joel.

“What are you doing?” you asked after hearing the noise of Joel spitting. “Them damn needles- in my face.” he grunted, finally letting you down.

A tiny laugh came from you as you faced him once again. “What’s so funny?” he asked. You carefully plucked the stray needles out of his bushy eyebrows, making sure they didn’t fall in his eyes. “All better now,” you smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’m surprised your not covered in sap,” you commented, sitting down on your comfy couch in Joel’s arms. You handed him his cup of coffee. “Showered ‘for you got home,”

“What if I wanted you covered in sap?” you asked, staring up at the tree. “What?” Joel asked, confused. “So I could have washed it off of ya.”

Joel sucked his teeth. “It’s a damn shame,” he sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

“And you brought this in all by yourself?” you asked, grabbing Joel’s bicep. “Mhm,” he lied, taking Tommy’s credit. “My strong man,” you said, folding closer into his body.

“Thank you, Joel.” you sighed, remembering the previous night. “It’s just like old times.” “Well, I’m glad you like it,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“It gives off Christmas vibes,” Joel said, very proud of himself. “Yes Joel, sure. It gives Christmas vibes.” You chuckled, enamored at his attempt to understand your humor.

“Just like how Ellie gives off the vibe that she can only wear red socks on a Friday.”

“Stop that shit already,”

“And how when the world wasn’t like this, Tommy probably had shit credit.”

“He did,” Joel laughed. “Stop it now, your still freaking me out.”

“You brought it up!”

“Yeah, because it was funny when I did it.”

“Yes Joel. Hilarious.”

-

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry

#joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller the last of us #joel miller the last of us fanfiction #joel miller the last of us fan fiction #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller the last of us imagine #joel miller the last of us fluff #joel miller tlou #joel miller the last of us hbo #pedro pascal as joel miller #pedro pascal joel miller #pedro pascal joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal christmas imagine #pedro pascal joel miller the last of us fan fiction

[iluvshinytwink]

do you think you’d end this series of painful angsty stories all which sort of correlate to “are we still friends” by finally giving us a big fluffy angsty story where Jude caves in and goes to see the reader and they have a huge fight or wtv but then turns out they’re obv still in love w each other or sumn bc i didn’t think it was possible but you keep tugging on my heartstrings w these angst filled updates every week give my man a happy ending please 😭

MORE THAN FRIENDS AGAIN? - Jude Bellingham

"Can't say goodbye."

Synopsis: You break up with Jude so he can focus on his career as a football player but he can't get you off his mind and neither can you.

Now Playing . . . ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? by Tyler, The Creator

a/n: SEASON FINALE ‼‼ (not really expect more angst to come.)

This is related to.. jesus christ do i really have to list them all? "Sunny Days" "Are We Still Friends?" "Can we be more than friends again?" "Hair Tie" "Just for me" "September" check them out if you'd like 💔

Feelings could no longer be ignored. The more you try to run away from something, the faster it'll come back to you. The more you ignore something, the faster it'll haunt you. The more you try to forget, the more you remember. The more you deny, the more you ache.

Jude lived everyday with an aching heart, an aching heart that yearned for you. An aching heart that would stop aching for one person and one person only, you.

Nights were cold and empty, filled with memories that could only be replayed over and over. Late night thoughts were composed of nothing but you, questions with no answers, doubts with no reassurance.

Jude's eyes grew heavy but yet he couldn't sleep. The room was silent and was occupied with nothing but his thoughts. Suddenly, a question that made his heart drop suddenly came to his mind.

Had you moved on?

It's been months since the two of you departed so why hasn't he moved on? Why couldn't he live his hours without being reminded of you?

Every waking hour he finds himself remembering you, but do you?

Did he impact your life as much as you impacted his? Did he make you smile as much as you did? Did he make you love him the same way he loved and still loved you?

Before he could bombard his mind about these cruel thoughts he forcefully closes his eyes, wanting to go to sleep to forget about this. To forget about you.

Jude shuts his eyes closed, his eyebrows knitting into anger. Finally, a tear slips down his cheek.

You scrolled through your camera roll, your past pictures were filled with you and Jude. Your eyes grew heavy as you stared at your phone. You click on a photo.

Jude had his tongue out in the photo, you were in the backround typing on your laptop. A smile appeared on your monotone face.

You missed him, you really did. You missed his smile, his laughter, his voice, his touch, his hair. Everything. Like him, there was a question you had in your mind that you couldn't find an answer to.

Had he moved on?

Was he smiling for another girl the same way he used to smile at you? Was he laughing with another girl like the two of you used to?

Was Jude loving another girl that wasn't you?

You blink out of your thoughts, closing your phone.

"He's surely moved on." you thought to yourself. "So why can't I?" you placed your phone on your bed side table with a sigh.

"Why can't I forget?" you thought. You closed your heavy eyes, drifting to sleep.

Jude looked out his window, the moon glowed in all its glory. The crickets around him chirped and everyone around him was probably fast asleep. A rush of cold wind meets his face, a deep sigh releasing his mouth. He tapped on his phone again, checking the time.

3:11 am, the phone read. He found himself staring at his lockscreen wallpaper which was unironically, still you. He blinked at it, looking away quickly before he could overthink it.

Jude walks away from his window, taking his phone and grabbing his airpods. He wanted to go somewhere far away, away from the memories, away from the pain, away from you.

Jude walked out of his house, the cold wind sending a shiver down his spine. He didn't know where to go, he didn't know why he wanted to go, but he just did.

Jude started walking, he didn't know where he would end up but he did so anyway.

Jude stares at the ground, his shoes, the pavement, and the patches of grass below him. His hands were dug deep inside his pockets, a weak sense of warmth comforting him. His airpods were tucked deep in his ears, the world, the crickets silencing before him.

A few minutes pass and Jude finally stops in his tracks. Jude lifts his head that was staring at the ground and gazed at the sky. The moon stared back along with the many stars the sky was dusted with. An aura radiated the moon, in a moment of probable sleep deprivation, he swore the moon stared at him back with a soft smile.

Jude brings his head down from the sky and looks to his right.

His heart drops to his knees, sending a fast pain into his entire body.

It was your house.

No matter how many times he would try, he would always go back to you. Intentionally or unintentionally. He was forever connected to you, like following a string, or following a trail, he would always end up with you.

He wanted to end up with you.

The gods above were playing a cruel trick on him, he hated it. With a heavy heart, he walks back home.

One night, something in him snapped. Even if everything in him was already snapped, the last string that held him together, that held his feelings together, snapped. He couldn't take it anymore.

He hated crying every single night, wishing those memories he kept remembering happened again.

He hated your presence that seemed to follow him wherever he went.

He hated your smile that kept flashing in his mind.

He hated your laugh that kept replaying.

Jude hops in his car, he wanted a final answer.

He wanted to know if you were truly over him, so he could force himself to be over you too.

He wanted to know if you've forgotten about him, so he could forget about you too.

He wanted to know if you hated him, so he could hate you just as much too.

Jude's grip on the stirring wheel tightened as he blinked rapidly to keep the tears away.

A part of his mind wanted to go to your house purely to see if you were done with him, so could finally sort out the mess his feelings were tangled in.

But another part of his mind simply wanted to see you again. So his mind could get another glimpse of you. So he could see if you were as beautiful as he left you.

Jude stares at the red light, composing his thoughts together. He knew this stop light all too well, this was the stop light closest to your home.

And just like that, Jude's mind fades into another memory.

Jude stares at the red light as the music coming from the radio played softly. One hand on the stirring wheel, and the other on the cup holder.

Suddenly, he feels a hand touch his. He looks down at his hand and finds your finger's intertwining with his. Jude looks over to you, your seat was reclined and your eyes were on your phone that flashed to your face.

Jude stares at you, holding his breath. Your eyes slowly meet his, a smile curled your lips. Then, your eyes broke away from his, and to the street light.

"The light's green, baby." your voice whispered. Jude looks at the street light, the bright light flashing green.

Another goddamn memory. Jude thought.

Jude breaks his momentary gaze from his stirring wheel and onto the street light which unironically flashed green.

Jude's head paced into his ears. Any second, his heart would've leaped out of his throat. He was nearing closer and closer to your house. There was no way he could turn around now. He had to do this, he should do this.

Jude looks to his left and saw your house. His heart drops. He was really here.

Suddenly, rain started dripping from the dark sky. Jude looks at his window as it slowly becomes coated in raindrops. Jude clicks his tongue, putting his hood on and getting out of his car.

There was no way out now.

Jude jogged his way over to your doorstep, his hood getting dripped on by rain. He felt his heart drop several times. He should turn back, he could turn back. But he couldn't.

Jude stopped on your doorstep. Jude's hand was rolled into a fist, ready to knock on the door.

The rain pittered on the ground, somewhat cheering him on. Jude swallows a lump in his throat before his hand makes contact with the door.

Seconds after, a pair of footsteps descend a flight of stairs. There was really, really no way out now. Jude takes a deep breath.

The doorknob twists open and once more his heart drops. The door creaks open and there revealed you.

Jude held his breath. You looked straight at him, your eyes widening.

Silence.

"Jude? What're you doing here?" your voice said, trying to keep the nervous tone deep in her throat. Your eyes wandered, looking at anything but him.

If you had looked at him, you thought you would fall in love all over again. Your heart raced out your chest.

"I just.. want to ask you something." Jude said, eyes trying to meet with yours.

"Sure, Jude. Come inside." you said, making way for him to enter. Now had he realized that he missed the nicknames you called him. His heart ached at hearing your voice say his name, and not one of the many nicknames you had for him.

You close the door, the rain muffled for a moment.

"What's up?" you asked, eyes on the floor as was his.

Jude's body instinctively neared yours.

Then, Jude threw his arms around you. You flinched, but your body quickly melted to his touch.

"Have you moved on?"

His voice cracked. It quivered in fear.

You didn't know what to answer. Your mind wanted to say yes, but your heart wanted to say no. Because you knew you missed him. Even though your mind wanted to say that you've moved on, your mind also knew that you missed him.

Your mouth gapes open, trying to find a response.

"Tell me that you've moved on, so I can move on." He pleaded, arms tightening on your body.

"I have, Jude. I've moved on." your voice whispered. Jude's body tenses up.

That lie was as poisoning as venom. That lie disintegrated his entire heart.

"Now, go. Get out." you shouted weakly, arms trying to push him to no avail.

So you have moved on.

His nightmares, his overthinking, were true.

The memories he kept remembering, you had already forgotten.

"Jude, please." your voice weakened. "I love you too much, I need to forget you." you whispered into his chest. Your arms wanted to hug him back, to remember the feeling of euphoria every time you hugged him back.

"I love you too." his voice sounded broken, like a glass purposely dropped from a counter. Like a vinyl smashed to the ground. "I still love you." he cried.

"But why can't I forget you?" he mumbled, almost incoherently. Jude finally unwraps his arms.

You looked at Jude. And you were right. You felt the sense of falling in love all over again washing over you. Your heart ached at the sight. Jude's eyes were puffy, but there was something behind those eyes that told you his eyes were puffy for several days. Jude's eyes glistened with tears, a new tear falling down his cheek.

Jude turns back, ready to walk away from you. Now and forever.

Suddenly, your hand reaches out to his. Jude stops.

Jude's head turns to you, your head was aimed at the floor but he could see your shaky lips.

"I can't forget about you, either." you whispered. Jude's eyes widened, a sense of relief and joy rushed through his veins.

Your hand lets go of his, both of your hands were brought to your face to wipe your tears.

Jude embraces you, his hands finding its way to your hair.

If you did this now, you knew that you would've officially loved him again.

Your arms wrapped around his body.

I knew that once I fell for you, I would've never let you go. I had you, and you had slipped away, but now, I will never let you go.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham imagines #iluvshinytwink #imsoslaying #delulu hours exe

[soobinsupreme]

how long?

Angst.

Warnings: Mentions of cheating. Not proofread.

a/n: i literally dont remember writing this but here ya go. sorry hyunjin stans. i love him. i just used him as the person bc ig he was who i thought of at the time lol.

You looked up, pain and sadness written all over your face. You thought about the memories and the laughs you shared. Now, everything was different. Your relationship only causes misery and stress.

“Tell me when,” You started, trying to keep your voice stable. “When was the first time you met with her?”

Hyunjin looked at you with shock. You had known about her for a while now, Hyunjin had no clue. 

You noticed the different behavior about two months ago, but you brushed it off. Until you couldn't anymore. That's why you started digging. You noticed a particular girl he followed and recognized her name. Hyunjin had spoken about her before. They were coworkers at the time. You had scrolled through her page and found that Hyunjin had liked every single one of her pictures, even commenting on one. A simple heart. That's what got you. That's how Hyunjin made his move on you. Just a single heart on one of your posts. He proceeded to DM you after that. You knew he had made his move. So you found her other socials and went through it all.

Hours went by as you went through her socials. Just as you were ready to call it quits, you found it. A picture of her kissing a man. A man who was covered with shades and a hat. But it was painfully obvious to you, after all you had been together for 4 years. Hwang Hyunjin. The man in the photo, your supposed boyfriend, kissing her. 

That's what led you here, two weeks later, pestering your boyfriend about where he had been. Coming in late was normal for him as of lately. You usually would fall asleep before he got home, but you had finally decided to stay up. You wanted to see what time he actually came home. He always would tell you he worked late and got home at 11. He knew you fell asleep early so the lie worked for a while, until you stayed up late one night finishing your extra credit paper from your professor, finally going to bed at 11:30. Hyunjin had told you he got home at 11. Lie. So when he finally arrived, at 2:30 in the morning, he looked at you in shock. You simply smiled.

“You’re home late.” You said as sweetly as you could. “Where were you?”

Hyunjin coughed, as he slid his shoes off, walking further into the living room. “I was working, trying to finish up everything I was behind on.” He smiled walking towards you.

He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your cheek. As he did you could smell the sickly sweet vanilla perfume coming off his clothes. You moved yourself away.

“New perfume?” You smiled, turning your head to the side to eye him for any evidence.

His face contorted into one of confusion.

“What?”

He moved his arm up to his nose, breathing in the scent. His eyes widened at the realization.

“Uh, yeah, I got it a few weeks ago.” He lied through his teeth.

“It's awfully feminine, Hyunjin.” You replied. “Where have you really been?”

“I just told you I was at work, I was given a few assignments that needed my approval.” Hyunjin said.

You laughed, “What? I thought you said you were behind on assignments? Now it was approving other papers?”

His eyes widened once more.

“No-, Yeah-, I-, I was behind on approvals, tha-”

“Just stop.” You cut him off, “Just tell me something.”

“Tell me when,” You looked at him, “When was the first time you met with her?”

“What?” Hyunjin looked at you, shock all over his features. “What are you talking about?”

You picked your phone up off the coffee table, pulling the picture up. You turned it towards him.

“Do you think I'm that stupid, Hyunjin? Seriously.” You stood up throwing your phone onto the couch.

“Why can’t you just be fucking honest. If you had just told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore, I wouldn’t have had to go through all this pain and bullshit. 4 years really means nothing to you.”

“Y/n, please, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” Hyunjin stepped closer, reaching out to touch your arm.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You looked up at him, swatting his hand away. “You didn’t mean to hurt me? Was I supposed to be happy that you’re cheating on me? And no, Hyunjin, you aren’t sorry because you hurt me. You’re sorry because you got caught.”

“I’m sorry, Y/n, please.” He whispered.

“No.” You backed away from him. “Get out of my house. We’re done.”

#stray kids #stray kids angst #hyunjin angst #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x y/n #stray kids x reader #hwang hyunjin

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ( 18+)

I was at my grandparents. N. was there a few minutes before me, but he picked me up from that dark alley that made me so scared. My Grams sent him down to me, when I called her earlier. N. was a little worried about me. I didn’t talk to him. I didn't want to and I also couldn't. I was somewhere else with my thoughts. To be honest, I was thinking about Daniel and that horrible night a few months ago. Once I entered my grandparents' apartment, even more memories of the time with D. came up. There were some pics of our wedding on the walls. And right here in my old bedroom, Daniel proposed to me. While I was looking at all our family pics, I noticed something. There were pics of Ana, my Cuz M. my Dad & me. But what happened to my uncle’s photos? Why did my Grams take his pictures off the wall?

I wanted to ask my Grandma, but she immediately started talking about my pregnancy. She asked me to keep my Baby. No matter what worries & fears burden me, my Baby is a gift from above, she said. Yea, my Gram's deeply religious. Anyway! It was pretty late. I just wanted to go to bed so I postponed our conversation until the next day. But before I did, I asked my Grams if she was mad at my uncle? Why else are his photos missing, you know? I once mentioned at the beginning, that my uncle has an illegitimate child but none of us knew about it for a long time. 14 years! Well, now it came out! And my Cuz M., moved in with my grandparents for a while, because he was also totally mad at his Dad. His mom left his Dad! She wanted a divorce. So my uncle that stupid fraud, was now all alone in his house for which he can repay the loan alone. His wife just wanted to get away from him! I would do the same in her place.😡

Back to me. I unpacked my bag. I brought some clothes, bcs I had planned to stay here for a while. I was sad. My Mom and Dad also had probs with each other. ..... Ugh, and in my bedroom where even more pics of Daniel & me. I felt sorry for Nico. This all must feel pretty crap for him to be constantly compared to Daniel. I decided to put away my wedding photos. Nico was still in the living room with my Grampa. My Grampa liked N.! It's always been that way. He could talk to Nico for hours about soccer. He wanted to know everything about N’s job. But I think Nico didn’t mind talking to my Grampa about his soccer career. Normally he is more used to rejection, when it came to that. I mean his Dad (mine too actually), he was always against N. playing soccer, as you know.... I took my cosmetic bag and was on my way to the bathroom. I opened my bedroom door and saw Nico standing in the hallway with my Cuz M.

Mario (to N.): I really wasn’t expecting you here. Hm!🤷‍♂️ Nice to see you again, dude.

Nico: Yea, same.... I didn’t mean to stop you, but would be nice if you could tell me which of those doors here, leads into your cousin’s room. I don’t wanna burst into your grandparents' bedroom.😅

Mario: Ana or Aleksa? Ha? 😜🤣

Nico: Ana?? Hell, no! I haven’t even seen Ana since A. and I got back together.

Mario: I was totally confused  when I saw Philip with Aleksa last year. He was Ana's bf! I-... I had no bloody clue what was going on there! She even said you knew about it. Is that true man? Did you really want that??

Nico: Uhhm,..... won't talk abou that. But she did nothing wrong! I..... demanded certain things from her and this one thing was.............. stupid! But I didn’t take advantage of your cousin or anything. I loved her. So much. Maybe too much. 🫤🤷‍♂️

Mario: Aghh... Honestly? I don’t wanna hear any details. I was just surprised you agreed, that’s... all. And A.'s room's back there. Last door on the left. Right next to it, is my bedroom so.... keep it  quiet pls. But haven’t you been here before? You should know where her room is.

Nico: No, I’ve only been to your grandparents' house with her, but, never here. I just used to pick her up a few times from here.

I went to the two to say hi to my baby Cuz. We talked a bit more. Especially about M.'s ugly room. It used to be his Dad’s. My Grandparents apartment is ....old! Older than my Dad & uncle, that's for sure. My room looked nicer! My Grams always took care of Ana's & my stuff. My sis and I were much more often here, than our Cousin. That’s why his room looked a bit neglected and was often used as a kind of....big storage space... Before Nico came to the bathrom with me, he went over to M.'s room. My Cuz borrowed him a shirt and some shorts for sleeping, so he doesn’t have to sleep naked. And they also talked about their dumb Dad's! This one thing, they had in common now.

Hm, I wouldn’t mind N. sleeping naked next to me, I thought, as I watched him take a shower. I didn’t want to be mad at him anymore, but that damn Stephanie!!! He dumped me again two days ago, just because his stupid ex fiancée made drama like last time. Agh, it didn’t go on like that! I had to sort it out with him and talk about it. But... I really didn’t feel like talking about Stephanie that night. So I just kept doing my skincare....

Nico: I'm sorry..... Won't you talk to me?☹️

Me: What can I say??? ... It’s always the same. I ask you to stay with me, you promise, but then you leave anyway. This is the third time you’ve left me because of her.

Nico: Her fucking family came back today. Now it’s finally over, I don’t have to take care of her anymore. She's gone. She's with her parents.

Me: My feeling tells me she won’t give up! She’ll come up with more excuses and lies, to get you back. And I know you’re not stupid. That means, you can't let go of her either.

Nico: I swear it’s not like that! I can’t let YOU go. I want you! I love you. And I want our Baby. Honestly!... I saw that one pic of you earlier. Your Grams told me you were 5. It was your first day at school. I immediately recognized you by your curly hair and big, brwon eyes. I wish our Baby will be a girl and look exactly like you.

Okay, that was really cute. Besides, he was still almost naked. I admit, it was hard for me to reject him. I think my hormones were partly responsible for me wanting N. sm. The pregnancy not only increased my desire for him, I will notice that I have generally become more sensitive. I cried for almost every stupid little thing.😩But I was also very happy! N and I went to bed. He wanted to settle this issue about Stephanie with me, but I told him, I didn’t want to talk. I wanted him. But tomorrow we will argue about exactly this topic! His ex! Also about Alex!I mean Alex's message/letter. Alex wanted to see me!

Oh, and Dilek will come to me to....... see Nico. She seemed to be more excited about it (him), than I was. She was a big fan of N. 😒 I was just glad Philip wasn’t there. The two in the same room with Dilek?? No thanks!🤢 I will avoid this, as long as I can!!!!!!!!!!!

Previous/ Next

#ts4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 #rl story #myrlgameplay #unplanned pregnancy

[beomgyu-stan-present]

𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕒 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕕 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕙 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕕𝕒𝕪

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕖𝕟𝕙𝕪𝕡𝕖𝕟 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖: 𝕗𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖

Heeseung~

SMILING SO BIG

Literally could see his smile from a mile away

He was so happy

“I love it, thank you!” He says with joy, giving you the biggest hug☹️

He’ll bring it with him on tours so he can see your face and have a small memory of you

He’ll show it to every single member and tell them not to touch it

He loves it… to say the least

Jay/Jongseong~

Absolutely shocked

Stares at it in awe for a few moments before thanking you 

“So, do you like it?” You ask

“Y/n, I love it!”

You heard him. He loves it. A lot. Do we really need to say much else?

He definitely puts it where everyone can see it, just to show off. yk?

This boy will be so happy for the next few weeks🙂

Jake/Jayeun~

He is jumping for joy

LITERALLY

He stands up, you expecting to get a hug, but he just jumps up and down like a toddler… which is still cute don’t get me wrong- 💗

Which definitely tells you that he loves it

“I love the photo, nice choice!”

Brings it with him on tours as well

He will 100% be extra clingy that day 

Sunghoon~

He’s in love with the picture 

He can’t stop looking at it

If it wasn’t framed it would definitely hang it up on the wall

But instead he puts it in his room in a safe space so the precious frame doesn’t get broken

He became in love with you all over again when you gave him that picture

You look so pretty in that picture that he could consistently stare at it

But the you in real life is so much better🙃

Sunoo~

He gets so shy at the picture you chose

You just HAD to choose the one where you’re staring into his eyes??

He still loves it tho

He’ll put it somewhere where Niki won’t get it bc if he finds it… he will tease y’all night and day

He gets another copy of it and puts it in his wallet or his pocket

Sorry that he wants to bring you everywhere🤭

He just loves you so much

Jungwon~

😮 = his face

He’s really surprised at the fact that you framed a picture of you and him

He didn’t think he was THAT special…

He definitely gives you a big hug

And his smile is just the cutest you can’t deny it

You snuck in a picture of his smile without him knowing and set it as your lock screen

Little did you know - he did the same

Niki/Nishimura Riki~

Speechless boy

You got really confused when he wasn’t saying anything… like, did he not like it?

Then he starts smiling

Okay so he DOES like it!

Correction: he loves it!

He hugs the picture, he hugs you, LOTS OF HUGS HERE PEOPLE

Enjoy the innocence bc after that comes teasing from his hyungs💀

#enhypen #enha #enhypen fluff #enha fluff #enhypen headcanons #fluff #kpop fluff #enha x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #heeseung fluff #jay fluff #jake fluff #sunghoon fluff #sunoo fluff #jungwon fluff #niki fluff #enha x you #enha scenarios

[cleyellow-wood]

a/n: inspired by nerves by dpr ian and today’s chan’s room bc he played dpr ian today heh. love confessions, and all that :) 

[7:23 AM]

“hi, how’re you doing?”

it comes out awful, jagged, and wrong from his mouth, and he winces saying it. you frown around your lemonade, and chan has the feeling of standing backwards on the edge of a cliff, his heels dangling precariously on nothing.

“i’m good. happy.” you humour him and it makes him smile to himself, looking into his glass of water. their pastries lay between them, untouched. he wonders if your stomach is as tumultuous is his, but his can be attributed to the fact he’s in love with you. and yours could be because of how shitty he’s been to everyone around him. “you?”

“i’m fine.”

“oh, that’s good. i worried.”

“worried? about me?”

“of course. i care about you, you know. and you’re such a hard worker. the last few weeks, you’ve been stressed, but i didn’t know how to, y’know... i thought it was best if i just stayed away.” your nails tap the glass and you look aside, searching for words. chan’s hands come fully around his own glass, and although, his throat is dry, he doesn’t think he can pick up his water without dropping it. 

“i’m sorry,” he says because it’s all he can say without saying how many times he laid awake, remembering that night he read those messages you sent him. messages he read too late, and han read right on time. how, many times, he wanted to run to you these past few weeks, only for you to have disappeared from his life as quickly as you’ve appeared in it.

you scratch at your wrist. “so, did you need something?”

and chan wants to be polite. he wants to somehow carefully segue into what he really wants to talk about like how he weaves a song together from nothing, but the panic that he’s welled up inside him since the staff had told him you already began to pack your bags to leave overtakes his tongue. 

“i heard you were leaving.”

if you’re surprised, you don’t show it. “yes. the project is over. i don’t have a reason to stay any longer.”

a stupid voice in his head wants to ask, not even for me? but chan had thrown away his chances like coins into a fountain, and now you’re sitting across from him, shifting because he is the one making you nervous.

the one person you proclaimed could never make you uncomfortable.

he wonders if you said goodbye to everyone else and avoided him on purpose. if it hurts like this, like swallowing glass, awkward and agonizing, half of him wishes he let you run away.

“i hope you had fun in korea,” he finds himself saying. “and that you come back soon. the kids and i will miss you.”

your expression flickers from its controlled neutrality, and for a moment, he sees the wistfulness in your eyes at the mention of the others. 

“it was nice meeting them. i’ll miss them, too.” unexpectedly, his eyes begin to burn at how your face softens as the memories flood your head, and chan looks down into his water, trying to fight the way his chest is clotting up.

a thousand apologies bubble up inside him, but when he tries to speak, a strange noise gets caught up in his throat and his face burns.

“sorry,” he utters.

“drink some water.”

he stares at you as you busy yourself with one of the pastries. it’s a sight he’s seen so many times before. the sun is slanting onto their table, and the sound of the early risers on the streets is nothing but a low murmur. in the winter, there’d been nothing but silence as their company. in the spring, people came with them. seungmin, or changbin. felix. hyunjin with his camera capturing an angle like it was your last and you’d be whisked away from them without a moment’s notice.

and now, this probably is the last moment, and hyunjin isn’t here.

“do you want some?” you ask, ripping the tail end of a croissant off. 

he barely remembers to say yes.

they stick to menial subjects: how’s the album coming along? the project’s done, but when will it be out? oh, the concept photos looked interesting. chan’s eyes stop burning, but he avoids looking at you. you’re not too interested in him either, your lemonade slowly disappearing between your lips, the fruit tart that had accompanied the croissant slowly reduced to nothing more than crumbs. 

he feels so incredibly tired.

“this was probably the most memorable trip i’ve ever taken,” you say suddenly, and he glances up at you, “and i’ll always look at the photos i took with a smile.”

“what was your favourite part?”

“i don’t know. i experienced so many new things. the food, lotte world.” that makes him crack a smile. you cross your arms on the table and lean forward. “the people and the music.” you hesitate, and you look from their empty plate, to him, and chan’s heart quickens at the softness there. “i fell in love here and that makes this place even more beautiful.”

his stomach cramps. he shouldn’t have eaten at all. “fell in love?”

“mhm. it might sound stupid, but i think that’s part of what makes leaving so hard.”

“you don’t have to. i heard your boss said you could take the open position in seoul.”

your smile trembles. you look out at the street. “no,” you say. “i couldn’t.”

“why not?”

“because it hurts too much to be here.” you look like you’re fighting something, and chan’s eyes begin to burn again. he clears his throat, and it does nothing but make the bruising sensation in his throat worse. “as much as i loved living here, i fell in love with someone here and i think that trumps anything else.”

instantly, chan’s brain runs through the possibilities of who it could be, and compares each one to himself. was it bambam? or yugyeom? god forbid, it’s one of the kids and chan has to fight himself to keep silent. 

it’s moments before he can speak again, and he manages to keep his tone steady. “you never told me that.”

“i know you said it’s a bad idea to fall for an idol, so i felt bad because i didn’t listen to you,” you remind weakly. “like you said, most of the time, they’re not even real. but i think the guy i fell for was real.”

“and does he know?”

“no. i don’t think so. we used to see each other a lot, but recently, i think he doesn’t like me anymore.”

“you should’ve told me. i would’ve helped you.”

“i don’t think...” you laugh shakily and sit on your hands, leaning forward. your bottom lip snags on your teeth, and chan wants to reach forward to touch your mouth. “i just don’t think he likes me.”

“why not? they’d be stupid if they didn’t.”

a chuckle. “you really think that, huh.” pained and short and soft: “chan?”

his eyes lift from your mouth to your eyes. his throat goes dry. “yes?”

“i don’t want you to worry about it, okay? it doesn’t matter anymore. i’ve sort of accepted that he doesn’t love me since he pushed me away. it’s better if i stay away.” your eyes meet his, tired. “i don’t want to distract him, you see. he has an album coming out soon, and i think it’s probably a sign that i don’t exactly fit in with his lifestyle, if you understand.”

and he understands. 

chan has never been stupid. far from it. the ground drops from underneath his feet as soon as it sinks in what exactly you’re implying. he thinks of the past three weeks, of every time he’s run to you, to find you busy with something else, talking to someone else, doing something else. there was always an excuse, and he thought you hated him. that you had wanted to meet new people, had grown sick of him. but he also knows how ungrateful he’d been. how clipped his answers were when all you were trying to do was help him on top of your own workload. 

he doesn’t know why he decided to ignore you when you were standing right there. he doesn’t know why he couldn’t work harder to just fix himself for you. he knows that you deserve better than what you’ll get from him, but he can’t help himself from chasing after you. he just can’t let someone like you—someone who chooses to stay—go. him being here, calling you until you agreed to meet him at a café, is proof of all of that.

“i should go.” you rise, and chan shoots to his feet, too. you clear your throat, grabbing your bag, and step out into the street. a car drones past, and you watch it go as he tugs at the string of his hoodie, sidling up to face you. 

they stand a foot apart, but it is a thousand yards. his heart has plummeted to his feet and he feels like he’s stepping all over it as his shoes scuff the sidewalk. you don’t look at him, hand gripping your bag tighter, and chan’s head aches at the idea of never seeing you again. of realizing too late.

you have to know. you have to know he felt the same way all this time—

“(name),” he says, and your eyes flit to him. as soon as their eyes meet, your gaze drops, and what’s left of his heart is crushed into dust. “he loves you, too. i’m sure of it.”

you frown, and not even your head turned can hide that away from him. “don’t try to be funny.”

“i know he loves you,” he promises. he reaches out slowly, and his fingers stall before they can touch your cheek. you stare at his reaching hand, before stepping back, head dipping. he swallows, fingers curling into a fist that he lets hang by his side. “he loves you more than he thought was possible.”

“you’re lying.” “why would i lie?”

“i don’t know. because you’re trying to make me feel better. because you do that.”

“i would never lie to you. please. look at me.” you don’t move, and he shuffles closer. your head jerks up to meet his gaze, and he cocks his head, leaning forward. “you distract me in the best way, and i don’t... i don’t want you to leave.”

your gaze burns. “it doesn’t feel like it. you hate me.”

“i could never hate you. i’ll prove it.” “when?” you challenge spitefully. “we’re out of time. i have to go home and present the project to the execs and receive my new assignment. i don’t have time to just... entertain you.”

“i’ll make time. i’ll carve out hours of my day for you. i’ll show you for as many days and nights as it takes to convince you that i’m in love with you. just come back as soon as you tie up your loose ends back home and i’ll make sure i apologize every single day.”

“chan.”

his heart wretches and rots as he begs, “just three days. if you don’t want to be with me after those three days, i’ll leave you alone.”

“you want me to fly across the world back here for three days for you?” you repeat, and he bites on the inside of his cheek, wincing. it’s a hard ask especially for professionals like them. chan thinks for a second you’ll step away and out of his life right then and there. after all, this is him asking for another chance—one that he himself doesn’t think is capable of existing.

he tries to come up with an adequate answer to your question in the meanwhile as if that’ll help his case. does he want you to fly across the world for him? no. no, that would be selfish and not productive on your end. chan wants you to be the most successful and happiest you can be above all else. so the question must be does he believe he can make you happy?

and the answer, in his brightest hour is yes. yes, he can, and he wants to give them a proper chance so he can prove it.

he opens his mouth to say as much, but you beat him to the punch.

“okay,” you agree. he blinks, staring at you, and your body seems to relax into your spine, your entire countenance shifting. your eyebrows draw together, and your eyes fix on him with curiosity. curiosity and sorrow. “okay.”

“okay?”

“i’ll have to figure out the vacation days i can take off,” you say. “but okay.”

“really?” his heart lurches up into his chest, lodges right underneath his larynx like an uncomfortable ball of anxious energy. “i don’t deserve this, but i promise, i’ll do my best to make this worth it for you.”

“i know you will,” you answer him softly. “i really do have to go, though, so this is goodbye.”

he shakes his head. “it doesn’t have to be.”

“then, i’ll see you later,” you propose, and he cracks a small, shaky grin as you reach out to hold his hand. his fingers curl tighter around yours instantly like you are the only thing keeping him from drifting away, and you are. he’s going to miss you more than he thought you would when he first saw you for the first time walking into their green room eighteen months ago. “make sure that guy stays in love with me.”

“as long as you don’t get over him.”

“it’s impossible, i think,” you say. “i’m in love with him, too.”

leave a reblog or comment if you enjoyed! :)

#bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan imagines #christopher bang #chan x reader #chan x you #skz #skz x you #skz x reader #skz scenarios #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids imagines #skz bang chan #skz imagines #he looked so great today in chans room fr #skz angst

[peaceisadirtyword]

German Vikings Con🫶🏼

I wasn’t going to post these here because I don’t like how I look but I just love these pictures too much🥹❤️ Not only I was lucky enough to see Alex again, but I also met Jordan and he was the sweetest🥰

I first met Jordan for his autograph. I took my favourite pic of Ubbe so he could sign it and he was so sweet and nice to me! His smile was amazing😭 he asked me if he’d see me again and I said yes, so when I came to his photo op he was like “hello love! I was missing you” and I nearly cried (hence my face in the pic, because he hugged me and I was freaking out). I saw him a few times during the convention, and he was always smiling and being absolutely perfect and I just love him even more now❤️

(I’ll leave this pic here even though the quality is terrible because I want you guys to appreciate his smile🥲)

Alex was, as always, the main character of the story of my life. He recognised me (the memory that man has) and he gave me an amazing hug during the photo op. He always had a smile for me🫶🏼 the pic with him is absolutely perfect even though my face kind of ruins it but I don’t really care! During the Meet&Greet he was so close and open with us! And he talks a lot🥹 I never thought I’d meet someone that talks as much as I do, so it’s very nice. He described himself as a siberian husky and I can’t agree more with that😭❤️ I had some gifts for him for the autograph, so I couldn’t talk that much with him bc I had some autographs for other people :( but that’s okay because I’m seeing him again very soon🫶🏼 he greeted me with a “hey gorgeous” and a soft smile, he hugged me and I made him laugh, which is like the biggest accomplishment of my entire life. He was a delight, and I can’t wait to see him again🥰

I also had the chance to talk to Alexander. He was also very nice even though we all could see he was a bit tired (he spent days giving concerts around Germany🥺). When I thanked him for coming, he gave me the biggest smile and thanked me. He’s amazing, I’ve seen him in many projects besides Vikings since I was little so it was a dream getting to talk to him!

I saw Ida too! She’s the sweetest, and so cute🥺 also Ragga, who is even more beautiful in person! And Jasper, who was very nice to me even though we didn’t have much time! I would have loved to interact with more of the guests, especially John Kavanagh because both my mum and I are huge fans of his work, but unfortunately there wasn’t much time and I had a tight budget😅

It was an exhausting but amazing day. I also got to meet people I’ve been taking to for years and that became friends to me and that was fantastic too! I loved spending an entire day surrounded by people that love the same things I do. It’s like therapy❤️ I loved every single minute of it, even the stressful parts😂 they’re always worth it.

Next week I’ll travel to Paris to see Alex again and to finally meet my beloved Marco🫶🏼 I can’t even explain how thankful and excited I am when I think about it. The convention is one day before my birthday so I also get to spend my birthday in Paris with my family (I have family in France I haven’t seen in a while bc of the pandemic💔). It’s perfect🫶🏼

If you’ve read all of this, thank you❤️ I truly hope every single person in this fandom has the chance to enjoy days like this one. We deserve it🥰 and it helps to cope with reality when life becomes too much💖

#german vikings con #alex høgh andersen #jordan patrick smith #vikings #vikings cast #fangirling

[filthforfriends]

Not saying they do anything but Do people not realize that there are ppl in the må fandom who grew up in areas of high drug use and ppl in the fandom who grew up with family members/friends who used drugs? And overall grew up either struggling or watching someone/community struggle with addiction And thus our perception of these kinda things are warped?

Some ppl see a table full of beer bottles and think party others think of childhood trauma

Some ppl see certain behavior and think "oh lol so energetic what good performance" others think back to trauma

There's a reason the saying "No one lies like an addict" exists

There's a reason certain ppl are worried bc for some it's not just an annoying rumor it's a reminder of whatever someone's trying to forget

Think of it like this using a very niche example:

Many genuinely good foster homes are given the advice of not getting white towels and with good reason, normal ppl see a closet full of white towels and think "hotel, vacation, fun, relaxation" a foster kid who may have been ab_sed or tr_ff_ked or has been thru other types of hell will see a closet full of white towels and think back to horrific trauma that happened in hotels

some of us have been through shit that change our perception of the world and when we see shit normal ppl see we panic bc for us it's not nothing it's a reminder of something we try to forget so yea sorry some of us are getting worried about the band and alcoholism and drug use and etc

Sorry that there's those of us who didn't grow in a way that we can't just see those beer bottles and weed smoking and potential substances and certain behaviors as just silly-rockstar-on-the-road-they're-fine-and-healthy-fun

To y'all it's a nuisance to someone else it's a fucking trigger of bad memories

Stop acting as if everyone grew up the same way

Sorry if it's long I just have strong opinions

I’m turning off my anons because I can’t constructively respond to “well it’s not that bad” people. God forbid hypervigilance when it comes to substance abuse. I just can’t fathom taking time to make sure we’re not too worried about the prolific, tragic relationship between rock n roll and substance abuse. If I close one eye and turn my head sideways I can see how some of it doesn’t come from a bad place but I’ve realized that it feels like that sadistic devils advocate who will defend genocide “for arguments sake.”

I’d decided to actually share what I see when I look at that photo

Something you didn’t know about Eden is I’ve watched somebody die from their alcoholism. I’ve moved out and given my room to them. I’ve watched the chemo not work. Im sure some of you know about the emaciation, temperamental feeding tube, incontinence, spit up, pain. I’ve packed hospital bags and a hospice bag. I was the last person to speak to my my aunt. I was the person to go through her belongings because no one else could bare it. Finally my dad had to use pet cleaner to get the smell of urine out of my/her room. And that is miles from the end of addiction issues in my family.

My point was that this depiction of rock n roll life style is tired and it’s cheap and Måneskin used to be above it. I’m floored that’s controversial.

[astrolaurical]

Looked through all your #life in korea posts and I have to say it: this is soooo refreshing. Finally someone who’s a fan but also can say things as they are. I’ve been following your blog for a while but didn’t look at the tag before so I just found out. It is exactly what I always say when I talk to other kpop fans and especially bts stans: dont forget to look at them as men bc at the end of the day this is what they are, men. Men from a very misogynistic country. Also (maybe bc im christian but idk) dont really like the term “idol”, it makes it easier to forget they are human beings. Human beings with crazy talents, amazing entertainers and great musicians, yes. But why is it considered so bas when you point out the human aspects of them?

https://at.tumblr.com/astrolaurical/like-jungkook-really-does-seem-like-a-bit-of-a/a2awocxguurv

When it comes to jungkook tho, it is so much worse. So many delulus thinking defending him will make them his girlfriend, when they just look so… ignorant? I think is the best word. They dont know and dont want to know. And it is even worse when you see it happen in conversations in real life and not just online. Majoring in Languages and Cultures it is one of the first things they teach you to not glorify a culture and to not indulge in the “honeymoon phase” when travelling, to see things in context and from all perspectives. So it is even more surprising to see colleagues at university studying my same subjects, acting so rude and personally offended when you let them notice these REAL things. so crazy to see so many people turn a blind eye when it comes to their favorite kpop stars. Jungkook is great and so talented and so handsome but he is also a korean man and it is ok to see him for that. You’re not a hater if you acknowledge it. (Sorry for my english, not native)

YES TO ALL THIS

I minored in anthropology and they always harped that same thing so I’ve always had a kind of detached way of viewing cultures which helps to separate me from my own American culture to see the positives and negatives and can then do the same to others while finding common links in all.

I was a major stan of 1D. Then they all started excessively partying, especially during the Midnight Memories era. Like there were pics of my beloved Harry peeing in the bushes with his translucent white butt out for the world to see. That was when I was like whoa, Simon Cowell is losing his grip on the PR side of them it seems. And then it all went downhill from there. Fighting on Twitter. The random baby they concocted for Louis that disappeared. More drunken nights out and being caught with illegal substances.

That was when I was like: I was infatuated with the MARKETING of these boys. They showed their true colors and I don’t like it AT ALL. Like if we hung out in real life I would be MISERABLE because I don’t party. It was a huge wake up call to idol life and ever since then I take everything with a grain of salt and whenever I see any celeb do an interview I decode their words through the lens of how someone not media trained might say it.

And bts have shown their partying sides before. Remember In the Soop s2 where Jimin got so wasted that he hurt himself?? I could easily see Harry being replaced by Jimin in that photo. They both are charming and like to make others laugh. And who’s to say that BTS don’t have photos of each other in compromising positions like that. Hobi has that huge hard drive of pics. And RM showed how he struggles with his true self VS his idol self in the latest Run BTS episode. I think that is a PERFECT example of how they really cover up their true selves all the time.

#ask #one direction #harry styles #bts #life in korea

[laughableillusions]

7 and H for Nick :3

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators

YIPPEE I GET TO TALK ABOUT NICK!!!

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Seeing pictures with Amber’s mother in them. I haven’t mentioned this yet but Amber’s mother actually left them both one night 2 years before the events of The Labyrinth™️ (for seemingly no reason.) He has any pictures of her in the house laying face down, or he just tears her out completely. Even photos of Amber as a baby he still can’t quite look at, because now the memories behind them have become…bitter. He constantly thinks about what went wrong, what he did wrong, what caused all of it. He spirals and in order to stop he distracts himself with his interests, and throws himself into fiction and fantasy- and inadvertently causes a divide between him and his daughter, who needed his support the most. 

Also cooking. He has gathered a lot of recipes from his family over the years. He finds peace in cooking, and the memories of helping his mom in the kitchen create a very safe environment for him. Plus, when he makes his mother’s recipes he can sort of relive the good memories of his childhood.

(Putting a read more here bc I didn’t realize how long this post was whoops)

H) What trait do you admire most?

Other than being able to fuck Jareth, something that I think makes the dynamic work is how…grounded Nick is. He knows what he wants, and he knows his boundaries, and will not settle for anything less. Jareth’s (let’s face it) seduction of Nick in the Labyrinth doesn’t work. Nick rejects him at first, which is something I could never do. He’s kind enough to Jareth to know that he could be better, that he could be better- but he has the fortitude to say no, even if it means sacrificing his dreams.

Even during their relationship, Nick doesn’t live in the castle. He stays in the human world with Amber until she moves out for college, because he knows how much she needs him now- and how important it is to be someone she can depend on and look to for help.

#ask #anon #oc x canon #ask game #my ocs #oc: Nick Cardinal #labyrinth oc #labyrinth 1986 #jareth x reader

[2djdanger]

I WROTE A SHORT TBHK FIC BC LATEST CHAPTERS HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY 😭💕 SPOILERS THIS TAKES PLACE IN A PERFECT WORKD WHERE THEY GET AOI BACK SAFE FROM THE NEAR SHORE AND EVERYTHING GOES BACK TO NORMAL THE NEXT DAY🙃😭💕☠️ ANYWAYS I WANTED TO POST BEFORE THE LATEST CHAPTER COMES OUT AND ULTIMATELY CRUSHES ME SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO MY FIC:

(Written in Yashiro POV)

Aoi turned the corner & I was overcome with so much emotion I ran to her. I mean she was just dead in the Near Shore with Hanako-kun 12 hours ago. I’m so glad we got everything back to normal. “Aoi!!!” I yelled as I ran with arms outstretched toward her. She looked up & flashed her perfect popular girl smile as always & responded, “Hi Nene-chan!” I sobbed as I pulled her into a hug, “I’m so glad you’re back Aoi! I hope Hanako-kun wasn’t too weird to you like he is to me especially since now we’re officially “dating” I guess if you can call it that—“ She cuts me off with a confused expression, “W-what? Nene you’re not making sense??” Uh oh. Did Aoi forget everything?! Hanako-kun didn’t tell me if she’d remember anything or not but I guess that’s what I get for not outwardly asking him in the first place. “Nene…?” Aoi looked concerned. “I—uhh—umm—“ I tried to make up an explanation but nothing was coming to my flustered brain. “Who’s Hanako-kun? I’m so proud you finally got a boyfriend! Congrats Nene-chan!” She smiled warmly at me, “When do I get to meet him? Which class is he in?” My face went pale. I did just let it slip that Hanako-kun & I are dating didnt I? Ugh, popular girls pick up those details so easily but I mean I thought she knew already due to everything that happened yesterday. “Aaaaahhh……” I said sheepishly, putting an arm behind my head, “I gotta go!” I quickly ran out of the classroom, straight to the old building & dropped to my knees on the floor. If I go to Hanako-kun I don’t know what he’d say. If I go to Tsuchigomori sensei he might tell me the opposite of what I wanna hear. I just need to talk this out with someone. At that moment I realized Kou-kun was standing in front of me. “Are you ok, senpai?” He asked, staring down at me. I nodded & stood up, “Yeah, I’m fine Kou-kun. Perfect timing actually!” He raised his eyebrows, “Really?” “Mmhmm!” I nodded fervently, “I actually needed to ask you something…” I trailed off not knowing how to quite approach the subject of accidentally telling Aoi about Hanako-kun & I. “Well what is it?” Kou-kun inquired. “Aaaahhh…. I may h-have….um…it’s really a funny story I ran into Ao-chan & I—“ “You told her about yesterday didn’t you senpai…” Kou-kun finished for me. I nodded & he sighed. “How much? “ “Well I didn’t realize her memory would be wiped so I may have accidentally let it slip that Hanako-kun & I a-are…..you know…” Kou’s face twisted slightly as I mentioned Hanako-kun. He didn’t seem too excited for us when we first announced it but put on a happy face whenever we were together & the topic came up. “A-and now she wants to meet Hanako-kun…..” “Nene you didn’t!” Kou exclaimed. I sighed, “I did. I’m sorry Kou-kun I thought she remembered!” “Well….” Kou searched for the words to say, his eyes darting around the hall, “I guess we’re just gonna have to re-introduce them!” He puffed up his chest & his tone turned a bit happier. “You think so? What will Hanako-kun say?” I panicked. “He’s met her before! They’ll just have to meet again!” Kou put a friendly arm around my shoulder.

—

~Later~

I was laying on the bathroom floor with Hanako-kun taking a bunch of selfies on my phone with him. He seemed a bit suspicious of me. “Uh…Yashiro?” He asked while sitting up. I looked over toward him. The setting sun was coming through the window at just the right angle so that you could really see that Hanako was in fact a see through ghost. “Yeah?” “It’s not that I don’t like taking photos on your high tec magic box but it seems a bit out of character for you to be taking so many pictures. Is something the matter?” He leaned in close, caressing my face with his cold hand, “You know you can tell me~” “Agh!” I jumped backwards, blushing bright red, “I-It’s n-nothing—“ “You’re a bad liar Yashiro.” He laughed. “It’s for Aoi…” I sighed. The smile dropped from his face, “Why do you want photos of us for Aoi?” His voice became emotionless. Hanako-kun’s so hard to read. He acts tough but underneath it all he’s just a kid like me. It was no use trying to hide it from him anymore, “I might’ve accidentally told Aoi we were dating & because *somebody* didn’t tell me her memory would be wiped she obviously thinks you’re alive & wants to meet you!” Hanako-kun rolled his eyes, got up, & floated toward the window, sighing, “Dammit Yashiro what am I gonna do with you?” I squealed in panic, “I’m s-sorry H-Hanako-kun…” I sat up & covered my eyes with my arms. He must’ve floated over to me since his voice spoke right next to my face, “Hey….” He removed my arms from my face to reveal my teary eyes. He jumped back a little, startled by my tears. “Y-Yashiro! I—uhh—h-hey—it’s ok Yashiro—“ He stumbled through his words & quickly pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back. “Y-You’re not mad…?” I cried. He shook his head, “Frustrated to be honest….but not mad, no…” I sniffled & pulled away from Hanako to which he reached his arms out hesitantly toward me as if he was unsure I was ok. I grabbed his hands, locking my fingers in between his, “I’m ok Hanako-kun.” “Not to um…change the subject..” His face turned bright red, “Y-You know since we’re…..” A pause as we locked eyes, “ I told you you can call me A-Amane or even just Yugi-kun if Amane’s too casual….but that’s only if you want to!” Hanako-kun seemed flustered now. My eyes widened a bit with the realization that Hanako-kun was finally opening up to me more. Oh my god! My first real boyfriend & he wants me to call him by his first name! How romantic!! “Ok, Amane…” I said. He looked like he was about to pass out after that. “H-Hanako—I mean Amane!! Are you ok?!” I was panicked now since he didn’t look so good. “I’m fine, I’m fine…” He waved & couldn’t keep eye contact with me. So this is what it’s like to have a boy in love with you?! Is he nervous about me?!?!! My heart was aflutter. “Sorry to break up the love fest but wasn’t there something we needed to discuss..?” Kou-kun interjected. He was here the whole time, leaning against one of the bathroom stalls since I brought him to clean toilets with me. “Oh right!” I laughed nervously. Hanako tried throwing his kokeshi at Kou. Kou ended up catching it, “Come on dude!” “It’s not my fault you’re a peeping Tom!” Hanako argued. “Senpai invited me! I cant help it you removed yourself from socialization amongst girls for 50 years.” Kou put his hands up in defeat. Hanako-kun pulled his knife out. I jumped on him & wrestled it away from him, “No! We’re not killing Kou-kun! Be the bigger person!” Hanako-kun wouldn’t look at me, fear in his eyes. I grabbed his face reminiscent of how he’d handle me, “Amane look at me! No stabbing or murder please!” He slowly nodded looking at me finally. “So you’ll be fine then if I bring Aoi by after school tomorrow?” I smiled at him. He sighed & put his hat back on his head since it’s gone flying after I wrestled the knife from him. “Not like I have much of a choice.”

—

~Next day~

“So Nene-chan show me what he looks like! Is he cute??” Aoi was rapid firing questions at me about Hanako-kun all day. I tried to play it off but her popular girl charms were starting to wear on me. I pulled out my phone & flipped to one of the selfies from yesterday. “This is us!” I held my phone out at her & couldn’t bring myself to look. “Um…Nene..?” Ao-chan seemed confused. “Eh?” I looked at my phone. Of course how could I be so stupid? Hanako-kun doesn’t show up in photos except as a scary black blob. “Ahahahh….it was a joke!” I lied. “You’re a terrible liar Nene.” Aoi laughed, “It’s ok if you don’t really have a boyfriend. It’ll happen eventually! I believe in you!” “I do too have a boyfriend!” Something came over me as I grabbed Aoi by the wrist & dragged her to the girl’s bathroom. I usually was never that forceful but when it came to defending Hanako-kun I always lost my cool. “Hana—I mean Amane!! I’m back & I brought Ao-chan to meet you!” I yelled out. “Nene-chan a-are you sure you’re ok??” Aoi seemed really scared & concerned for me. Hanako peeked his head out from the stall. “Hi Yashiro.” He smiled at me, “You do know she can’t see or hear me, right?” I nodded, “I know but I had to do something! She thought you weren’t real and—“ “This isn’t funny Nene!” Aoi seemed really upset. I was about to say something when Hanako-kun grabbed my notebook & pen from Haku-joudai who must’ve stolen it from my stuff in the classroom & walked past me with it sitting in front of Ao-chan. He opened the notebook & began to write. Aoi jumped back scared. “Nene! The pens floating!” “It’s ok Ao-chan! This is Hanako-kun—er..Yugi Amane-kun….my boyfriend!” I tried reassuring her. Hanako set the pen down & Aoi & I looked down at the paper which read: ‘Hi. Sorry about how weird this must be for you but I’m Hanako-san of the toilet, 7th wonder of Kamome Academy, & now Yashiro Nene’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.’ “Very funny! Using the ghost stories! Hanako-san’s a girl with a red skirt & bob haircut!” Aoi spat at me. Hanako-kun sighed, “I tried.” At that moment Kou-kun ran in, “Hanakoooo!!!! I’m gonna pound your ass this ti——I mean Akane-san, Senpai, hi there.” Aoi-chan screamed, “What are you doing in the girl’s bathroom pervert!!” “I—umm—“ Kou looked toward me. “He came to see Hanako-kun. He always comes to say hi after school.” I said matter-of-factly. “Y-yeah!” Kou nodded and agreed, “Hi Hanako!” He looked toward the notebook where Hanako-kun was sat & smiled & waved. “Hi kid…” Hanako said, a bit amused. “Wait—you can see someone?” Aoi asked Kou. Kou nodded, “Yeah! That’s Hanako-kun—er well…you probably know him as Hanako-san of the toilet but he’s a cool ghost! He helps people & he’s dating senpai now I guess-“ Aoi turned back to me, “Can…..Hanako-san of the toilet hear us…?” I nodded, “Yeah! He’s sitting right here!” I pointed at the floor where Hanako was sat with my notebook. “And…..Hanako-san is a….boy???” Kou & I both nodded & said yes at the same time. “Ok then…..why can I not see him but you guys can? Is he just not showing himself to me….?” Ao-chan sounded a bit hurt. I looked to Hanako who returned my gaze with a reassuring nod. “Only some people can see him. Not everyone otherwise you would’ve noticed every time when he visited me in class.” I laughed nervously, “That’s why you saw me whispering to myself so much!” “Ok….then….” She looked back towards the notebook, “Hanako-san is it? I-I’m Akane Aoi….nice to uh….meet you?” Hanako started to write again, ‘Likewise. Yashiro’s told me a lot about you.’ “Y-you have?!” Aoi-chan gasped & looked back to me. “Y-yeaaahh….I guess I have…haha…” I spoke awkwardly. Aoi & Hanako ended up having a multi-page conversation, the more she spoke the more she seemed to grow comfortable with the idea of Hanako-kun. By the end of it all, she seemed genuinely excited for me and him. Kou was even joining in the conversation acting out how he almost exorcised Hanako when they first met. Ao-chan ended up telling me she was really happy for me, hoped it worked out, & that she’d want to talk to Hanako

#hanako kun #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #yugi amane #yashiro nene #hananene #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun spoilers #jibaku shonen hanako kun spoilers #tbhk fanart #fanfic #minamoto kou #akane aoi

[fullsupersoniccircle]

okay so, i’m closing in on finishing my current sonadow fanfic!! here it is in case anyone’s interested, i tag as thoroughly as i can so hopefully that’ll be enough for y’all to come to your own conclusions about going through with reading!

this post isn’t about the chapter that got linked above, that will be the first chapter, it’s about the most recent one i posted in which a baby shower occurs!! i rly wanted to elaborate on the gifts and that’ll all be below the readmore!

so for starters: i did NOT think the Babylon Rogues would appear at this point, i was more planning for the final chapter but i needed just a little more to happen in this one and here we are lmao. for those who may not be familiar this is what Wave gave to Sonic

i had nothing i was really going off of for the stroller Tails created other than him engineering the wazoo out of it, but shout out to Napstashook for bringing up the idea of a mobile in a comment! while it may not have been created by Eggman since i’ve had what he actually gifts planned since the beginning, your comment absolutely inspired me to have Tails gifting it bcs the idea of it was so cute!

a headcanon i have for Knuckles is that he has a couple different hobbies to pass the time while guarding the ME, and wood whittling is one that i see him doing a lot! also my family gifted blocks in this style to my cousin’s kid and they’re super fun, i figured Knuckles would do something a little more geometric rather than basic shapes!

i tried to imply it as best as i could, but Amy just literally bought any and everything that was cute to her. dino shirt? bought. frilly dress? in the basket. socks that come in a rainbow spectrum of colors? that shit is going to her adorable lil niece or nephew so they can be dressed in everything possible and have all sorts of fun baby photos to look back on later when they’re older. bonus: if their assigned gender at birth changes, they can pick the baby photos that they feel best about! that was the thought process i was going for with her

i was a little unsure for a while what the Chaotix would give, but then thought of how adorable it would be for Charmy to want to give the drumset he has in Heroes! (he absolutely has a more elaborate drum set at this point that is way louder lmao) Vector and Espio having practically raised the lil guy i figure they would value the memories they’ve created with him and would encourage Sonic and Shadow to do the same with their child

I was a lil stumped with Rouge, before applying the same sort of hobby headcanon for her except she absolutely has a collection of crocheted fashion that she rocks whenever she can, all of that cool bikini shit!!! also absolutely has her own custom blanket if she feels like hanging upside down to sleep. Shadow knew of the hobby and maybe even secretly hoped that she would make a baby blanket, but didn’t pressure Rouge. also my own dad has done the same multiple times for friends and family over the years having babies, idk how often other writers do it but i love just. taking tiny things like this from my own life and inserting it where i can. idk it just makes me feel warm and happy :) also a pic for reference for the blanket!

back at it again with the irl influences: i didn’t specifically want to name it but the book series Vanilla gives are absolutely these guys or some Sonic-World equivalent

this series and author is the S H I T. so fucking good. it’s my mom’s favorite and she gifted all the ones she had to the same kid who got the blocks! and i loved the idea of Cream wanting to create a plush, kind of like something her mom had made for her when she was a baby, to give to the new youngest member of this mashed together found family. also i feel like every Sonic fan at some point looked up making a custom plush version of their Chao on their SA1 or SA2 Chao garden saves

from the beginning i knew Omega’s gift would be something to the point like diapers, but only recently came up with them also vowing they would be the one to upkeep the diaper supply. this absolutely means that once or twice they receive a frantic message from Shadow in the middle of the night asking for more bcs both he and Sonic completely forgot to grab some bcs they are Just Tired. Omega dutifully follows through and accidentally intimidates the poor employee who’s running the 24/7 store alone that the robot had to go to for the specific brand of diapers that the organics insist on using

Blaze was easy to figure out from the start what she would gift, Silver was a little more tricky until i went with the mindset of what he would’ve wanted in his childhood. it definitely wouldn’t have been a magic cure all, but even regular white noise i’m sure would be preferable to the sound of exploding lava or whatever the fuck was happening in Crisis City. for those not entirely sure what kind of sling Blaze gifts it’s this sort of thing

with Eggman’s gift it was pretty set from the beginning, the Project Shadow files and some sort of toy which eventually i landed on the choice of a rattle! i just love the idea of him finding irony in giving the offspring of his worst enemy a toy with his own face on it that will inevitably be smacked against any and every surface or face possible, and idk if there is any actual rattles with a silencing option, but i thought that would be a neat engineering thing. also the panicked reaction of everyone hearing an audible click from something that Eggman created was too funny, and Sonic just casually okay with giving the toy to his child. super excited to explore more of the relationship between this mad genius and blue hedgehog kajfjf

so, i went searching for frames that honor babies lost via miscarriage, it was hard personally looking at them. not that i’ve had a miscarriage, but any loss of life is horrible. a lot of them were very religious-focused or morbid for my own taste, that’s great it’s helped so many others! i’m trying not to discount that, but so many of them just felt too much like a gravestone or didn’t match with how i’ve characterized Sonic and Shadow in this fic. i feel that neither would be all for something that felt so grief-ridden or weighed down by sadness, and would want something that helps to celebrate and remember Dusk and Dawn in a less flowery-poetry or religious sort of way. writing this whole part with the frame and how it resonated with Sonic is one of the few times my own writing made me tear up, most likely because of how it lines up with my own beliefs, and instead of thinking about how terrifying the nature of death is, to try viewing it in a more positive way

uhhhhh that’s it! hope this helped with visualizing the gifts if anyone was having trouble with them, or were just curious about the thought process!

#personal #the joys of writing #sonadow #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog

[inkofamethyst]

September 18, 2022

Me, a few days ago: well at least I won’t have to see biochem-guy anymore and live through more of that awkwardness

So tell me why I went ahead and jinxed myself.  Like I knew he was attending the graduate school here but under a totally different department and even though I knew he’d planned to live near campus, I figured I was good to stinkin go.  And then dude shows up at Target when I’m lookin for milk like.  I mean we just exchanged hellos but jesus.

Sometimes I wished I lived alone bc then I could let flower soup simmer into a perfume on the stove for a few hours and not have to worry about roommates thinking I’m doing something weird (which, let’s be frank, picking flower petals from a bush outside your building and then stewing them is odd regardless of how absolutely amazing they smell).  But smelling them on occasion isn’t enough for me I need to be enveloped in it.

Also I’ve been recently feeling the need to read something with a lot of angst in it.  Six of Crows started this and then I recently went in and cleaned up one of my pinterest boards for an old old story that I’d worked on in middle and high school (it never got very far (I worked on it a lot but not particularly productively lol), and, frankly, the main essence of it has been driven into the ground in recent media anyway) and the board (I hadn’t really touched it in ages) is so angsty and I kinda love it (had to clean it up though because I’d saved pictures of bruises onto it (naturally my story had violence so I wanted a safe space where I could look at “safe” bruises to describe) but Pinterest recently warned me that “one of my pins” was deleted for depicting violence or promoting harm or something and that actions could be taken against my account if more were found, so bye-bye bruises).  ANYWAY angst.  I want angst without smut.  I want a developed plot.  Something that makes me scream internally and (gently) bang my fist on my desk.  Something I’d never promote in the real world but in fiction???  As everyone knows, feminism is but a distant memory when we read (but not so distant that I can’t call out some nonsense if need be).  Maybe what I need is not a book but fanfiction.  AGH what if what I’m looking for is Bucky fanfiction I could hardly bear to even type that.

What if I threw myself out of wack?  What if the solution to this dubious aromanticism is to read more romance?  I’d sworn off the genre for ages and more or less simultaneously convinced myself into self-reliance.  No, nooonononono that can’t be it.  Can it?  ...To be continued (maybe).

Today I’m thankful that I went out to dinner with my photo-friend and my cello-friend tonight :)  They’re truly lovely, fun people to be around.  I didn’t manage to get everything done today that I wanted but that interaction was entirely worth it.

[snorlaxlovesme]

ACK okay im just gonna say something. im gonna only allow myself 30 minutes to talk about it and then i’m gonna go back to being chill or whatever for forever or until i get a therapist

suicide tw, this post is about a person committing suicide and my feelings on it so don’t look if that make you feel a certain type of way

i had a friend in college freshman year. we because FAST friends, BEST friends, like immediately and it was awesome. i had a bunch of good memories of doing dumb shit with her freshman year and it felt like we would be friends for life.

sophomore year our friendship got ugly. my jealousy of her money and her rude jokes at my expense caused a lot of tension. the end of first semester we had a GIANT fight. it was about nothing but underneath it was about all of that bubbling tension. friendship ended.

that year my depression kicked in HIGH gear. i almost flunked out of school. i don’t know how she was doing. we didn’t speak.

we continued to not speak except in public cordial settings.

senior year she tried to kill herself. she found out she had BPD and it explained a LOT of her problems but the knowing didn’t solve anything and she almost died. she was a very candid person, so if ppl asked her about her attempt she was happy (bad wording, but you know) to talk about it and raise awareness. she was a storyteller at heart, so she was open to tell the story.

we were not friends then. so i never asked. i read about it on facebook. i read a lot of her novel-length statuses and learned things about her i could have learned in person.

after college we liked each other’s statuses occassionally. i never saw her after that photo we took on graduation day. 

me and my friends spent a lot time talking shit about her amongst ourselves bc everyone was on My side about that BIG FIGHT we had. i forgot a lot of our good memories bc i spent so much time reminding myself to dislike her. ADHD is good at wiping brains, so my brain got pretty thoroughly wiped. all the inside jokes, all the movies nights and sitting on my bed laughing and dinner in the cafeteria and walks to Dollar General and rants about our personal lives were gone. 

long after college i find a notebook with a letter addressed to her that i don’t remember writing. i told her how i agree, i think that our fighting was stupid and i miss her too. i want to know how she’s doing. i want to learn equestrian terms from her again and have tell me things about coding. i want to be friends again. 

i wish. i WISH i could remember writing this letter in this notebook. i wish i could remember the letter she must have sent me to get me to respond. but i told my memory to wipe itself and it did jut that. all i can parse together is that she must have sent me a letter saying that she missed me, saying she wanted to give us another try, in my school mailbox. and in this old notebook is the letter i never sent.

i don’t know if it was out of bitterness. i don’t know if my ADHD and depression just stopped me from physically being able to tear out these three pieces of paper and address them to her. i don’t know if i just forgot about it and never thought about it again.

about two months after i found that letter i never sent, she killed herself. i was called on a Sunday morning and told by my college roommate, and we both spent the rest of the conversation in mild shock trying to figure out if it was true, how she did it, how her family was taking it. the conversation was weirdly sterile and emotionless. like i was finding out that someone i once knew broke their leg, and it was interesting enough to have a brief conversation about but not enough to say much more on.

but i was silent for the next two days.

i went to the funeral. it was a weird. we were all there and crying at the appropriately sad and emotional parts, but after the funeral me and my roommate talked about her boy problems and how good the food was. i know coping sometimes involves avoiding talking about the Bad Thing, but now the funeral has ended, the perfect time to talk about her, and it feels like we missed that opportunity.

i have this weird thing that sometimes feels like anti-anxiety. while an anxious person walks into a room and assumes every person hates them, i assume everyone either loves me or doesn’t think of me at all. 

since we were no longer friends, i just assumed my former-friend never thought of me at all.

but i thought of her, didn’t i? i’ve never been in a relationship, so i’ve never truly broken up with someone, but if i had to guess, the heartbreak i felt when we stopped being friends is how it would feel. it ate at me for months after stopped talking, it made every interaction we had awkward because i longed for the fun times we had, but i hated her, but i wished she would talk to me, but i didn’t even want to look at her. if people asked me what the significant Plot Points in my life were, our sophomore year fallout would always make the list.

the odds that she thought about me sometimes? probably pretty high. she thought about me enough to send me a letter to try and fix whatever he had. she missed me like i missed her, even though i spent years trying to push down that truth. she sent me that letter and i never even RESPONDED. 

i don’t know what i’m saying. because i’m not trying to say i caused her death because she had a lot of problems and being bi-polar helped none of them, i’m sure. but i know that whatever we had, whatever we lost, whatever i refused to give back caused her unhappiness. 

and now she’s dead. she waited only a few days after her 27th birthday.

i don’t know how i feel. about any of it. i spent SO LONG after our friendship dissolved genuinely trying to forget that she existed so it wouldn’t hurt so much that all that love between us was gone. now the hole in my heart where she was is so much BIGGER because she killed herself. and i have no one to talk about it with. everyone became Team SHE SUCKS so now talking about the good times we had feels. hypocritical i guess. i can’t talk about how sad this all makes me. how i’m mad at her for doing this. how i wish i never found that never-sent letter. i wouldn’t have remembered that she tried to repair us that and that i denied her the chance. i wouldn’t think about how much it must have hurt to wait for a response that never came.

i want her to be alive so i can tell her i’m sorry for that. that i’m sorry for the jealousy and for not recognizing HER feelings until it was too late. i want to talk about horses with her again. i can’t look at horses now without thinking of her. i can’t hear a new song or watch a new movie or see something beautiful without thinking that she can’t experience these things now. that her experience of life ended a year ago today.

i don’t know. i don’t know how to end this. if i could i’d take back all the memories of her that i wiped away. i wish i at least had those.

#suicide tw #[redacted]