#i don't fucking KNOW how you interpreted my name

[bookwyrminspiration]

"enter the full name associated with this account" fills me with more dread than finals

#shitpost #i'm just trying to order a silly book. please #i don't fucking KNOW how you interpreted my name #did you keep the proper spacing and capitalization? #did you mush it into one? #did you omit part of it? #there's so many fucking ways! i'm MEXICAN our names work different sometimes #it is not letting me do anything #blease I just want silly book #(this is not about my local bookstore. unfortunately the only place this book is available is amazon) #there's no winning #there is simply no fucking winning with a non-american name #i love my name but GOD does it cause me problems

[soapsbaby]

Silly Spicy Call of Duty headcanons

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, Johnny "Soap" MacTavish, König, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, John Price, Valeria Garza, all x reader Rating: 18+ (Minors DNI) Themes: All NSFW but very lighthearted, nothing particularly triggering but ask to tag! Word count: 750ish

These are just silly little headcanons about them, PLEASE if you have any like these send them to me i had such a blast writing them lol!!

Ghost

Sometimes his mask slips a little and he looks goofy as hell, you have to do your best to not laugh into his face because you know he won’t let that slide.

Uses British lingo sometimes. Has called your pussy a “fanny” before. Got mad when that made you giggle.

Once got so frustrated with trying to figure out how to operate one of your vibrators that he broke it. Was very apologetic and immediately ordered you another one afterwards.

Soap

He is clumsy as hell. Every time you have tried to fuck in a position that is anywhere near athletic, something goes wrong. It’s a miracle neither of you have broken your necks trying to get it on in the shower. He will always take the fall though, protecting you with everything he has and curling himself around you even if it means he will end up bruised or bleeding.

Makes a lot of typos when sexting, never notices. Called you “baby gorilla” once (you will never let him live that down).

Gets offended when you call him “Soap” in the bedroom. You know my name, what are you calling me that for? Dummy.

König

He doesn’t usually wear his balaclava under his mask when you have sex since it gets too sweaty but since his mask is pretty loose he will sometimes have to pft-ppf-tpftt when it gets stuck in his mouth. Has almost choked on his mask before.

Gets so flustered that he will just start sputtering nonsense. Has on several occasions been so out of it that he has messed up the nicknames you use for each other. “yes show me that I am your little babygirl, wait- no, you are… I am your boy… you’re… Wait, I’m sorry”. Not a gender or kink thing, which would of course be alright with you, just him being a dummy.

Is a bit of a crier and drooler sometimes which wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that he will sometimes accidentally waterboard himself in his mask and not tell you.

Gaz

Has called you mommy once and was mortified. Neither of you have really spoken about it but sometimes you will drop little hints around him to get him flustered.

Likes when you suck him off while he is playing video games but then gets too into the game and genuinely can’t help but get annoyed when he loses because you distract him.

Cpt Price

Is oblivious to any signs that you want him. Will go into Dad story telling mode and completely ignore the effect he is having on you until you grab him by the shirt and just tell him to fuck you.

Has a sex playlist called "sensual" with just the most cliché sex songs on it possible. Can unironically have sex to "Careless Whisper" and “Let’s get it on”.

Has given you rug burn with his beard before. 0/10 very unpleasant experience (you’d do it again, though).

Alejandro

Will say things that could be interpreted as sexist in the moment and then immediately get apologetic. Who’s my good slut? I mean… If you want to be. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to… Are you okay with that? Okay. Cool.

Will fuck you in uniform because he knows you’re into that and then get distracted by things he finds in his pockets like shopping receipts. 

Doesn’t care whether or not you understand him, he will speak Spanish to you.

Rudy

Gets tormented by you with new pet names every day. mí amor, I don't know what a Zaddy is. I don’t even know if that’s a good thing.

In the beginning of your relationship he was completely oblivious to most kinks. If you ever expressed anything out of the ordinary to you, he’d raise his eyebrows in confusion and say something like “what? why would anyone want that?” but was always open to trying anything. Now he is probably even more of a deviant than you are.

Valeria

Has this roleplay thing going on where you are a traitor to her cause and she discovers it and gets to “punish” you. You find it a little silly but it gets her super riled up so you play along.

Secretly loves to bottom and to be taken care of by you but would never tell you (you know anyway). Thinks she is being very good at hiding it (she is not).

#call of duty imagine #call of duty x reader #oh lord there's gonna be so many tags on this help #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #soap x reader #johnny mactavish x reader #könig x reader #konig x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #rodolfo parra x reader #valeria garza x reader #captain price x reader #cod fanfiction #cod x reader #ari writes

[sh1-n0bu]

♡︎ 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙠’𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧 ♡︎

anon asked: Soo I saw you take requests even for npc's so I figured I'd shoot my shot or whatever though I know you have a lot of asks so if this stresses you out don't worry about it but the fatui pyro agents? The fucker with the fire knives? Yeah that bitch? I firmly belive someone should fuck him till he crys and begs to cum

characters: sub!fatui agent x nb!dom!reader

warnings: overstimulation, orgasm denial, begging, dacryphillia, “master” kink, hair pulling, exhibitionism, degrading, size kink, dumbification, creampie, cock can be interpreted as a strap on!

notes: nobu back in her horny era! on today’s post we have, fucking an npc stupid! repost bc tumblr can’t win against me

how did it come to this? with the strong, reliable, capable agent being railed stupid as his supposed next target keeps his salacious sobs and cries of pleasure silent with their bigger hand, the other holding his leg up. pushing it up further and further into an impossibly hard angle as he claws at the doors of northland bank.

a mewl slips out of his mouth as his target slips their hand off of their mouth, instead opting to keep him up by fisting at his short, grey locks. the tears that were welling in his eyes starts to fall as a drool slips from his lips and down to the floor. legs shaking as his hips weakly, pathetically twitched back to meet up with your thrusts.

“maah-! master! please!! not-noT HEREE MNGGH!♡︎♡︎” biting down on his already bruised and bleeding lips, the agent lets out another sob as he felt his orgasm approaching.

everything felt too much but so little at the same time. he wanted more. more of your cock, more of your cum, more more more!!

the fatuus felt your cock split him open. veiny, long girth breaking him apart as the tip harshly kissed his prostate over and over again. archons, he didn’t even know something like that existed until you forcibly pushed him inside one of the empty rooms of his workplace and had your way with him.

he wanted it, he craved it - no. he needed it.

needed to be fucked by you until his mind breaks, leaving behind nothing but the delicious feeling of your strap forcing him open over and over.

needed to hear you call him degrading names as tears fall from his eyes. sobbing and keening loudly, unable to form any sentences. not even a single plea to save himself and his pride.

needed to trash around as you placed a hand over the bump on his stomach. pushing on the growing bulge of your cock and cum mixed together as he writhes against the wall, sliding down more and more as your large hands on his waist leaves bruises.

needed it as you forced him not to cum again as the strap pours another large amount of cum into his gaping hole. almost falling down to the floor if it wasn’t for your strong arms keeping him up.

needed to beg. whine, wail, keen as you wrap a hand around the angry tip of his cock, placing your thumb over his dripping slit as he begged you in a heap of mess. trying to get the blinding feeling of finally cumming.

“mas-! master!! maste-anngh haah mmph♡︎♡︎!! please? pleasepleasepleaseplease-♡︎♡︎!!” another orgasm denial as you force his smaller body flush against the wall while still continuing to pound into his hole.

the fatuus’ leg shook horribly, standing on his tiptoes as you forced his walls to get used to your size, to remember your shape, to carve every little detail into his mind, into his body. into his prostate.

“you’re not gonna cum haah fuck- until i allow you to. got it, slut?” whispering in a hoarse voice next to his ear, you continued to pound into his sensitive spots. not even caring that the amount of cum you forced him to take dripping down his shaking thighs. some even dripping down to the floor, mixing with his tears and drool.

“yes-! yes master! master! master! my master♡︎♡︎♡︎!!” drunkenly blabbering about some random gibberish, the agent let out another whine as your seeds filled him up again. the skin of his stomach stretching more and more as if his body craved your cum.

finally feeling satisfied with how much you filled him up, you stood up straight to look at the beautiful art you created out of him.

trembling body flush against the wall as his hands desperately clawed at the stone, legs barely holding himself up only thanks to your help. large amount of cum gushing and slipping out from around your strap, dripping down, staining the perfect, wooden floor of the bank.

what a perfect toy you found for yourself.

slipping yourself out, you ignored his babbles about sex drunken shit before pulling out a toy from your bag - a butplug.

fingering the cum back into his fluttering hole, you plugged him close with the toy. a lewd shlick! coming out followed by the agent’s sobs.

“keep them all inside until our next meeting okay, my slut?” giving a warning squeeze to his still shaking thighs, a cruel grin spread across your face as he nodded dumbly.

maybe you should do this to him more often.

#nobu.writes #sub genshin impact #sub genshin #sub!genshin #sub!genshin impact #sub yandere #sub fatui #fatui x reader #fatui x you #fatui smut #fatui agent #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader smut #genshin smut #sub!character #dom fem reader #dom male reader #dom amab reader #dom afab reader #dom!reader #dom gn reader #x dom reader #dom reader #dom!fem!reader #dom!amab reader

[actual-changeling]

this one is thanks to a post by @thegroovyfool because she is very much correct - we do not talk about aziraphale's "i need you" enough.

so once again, with a deep breath and a sigh, welcome back to alex's unhinged meta corner, where i tear apart the confession scene frame by frame. i'm gonna say, watching this particular clip over and over and focusing on aziraphale's face almost took me out.

let's get into it.

first, how about a little look at our starting point. (any blurry screencaps are due to a LOT of movement on michael's part rip)

crowley is very pointedly facing away from him, he turned after aziraphale said "we can be together - angels!", presumably because being offered exactly what he wants in the one way he cannot have it fried his brain, cause besties it surely fried mine.

aziraphale on the other hand looks openly desperate, which is why he says "i need you." more on that later. let's have a look at how he says it, because michael "microexpressions" sheen is putting in the work.

to me, he seems close to tears, his eyes are glistening in that specific "i'm about to cry my eyes out" way i know from looking in the mirror while crying

he is trying to get crowley to listen to him and to turn around. he wants crowley to face him, which is something most people tend to want during an argument. talking to someone who is not looking at you tends to make someone frustrated and like they're not hearing you/do not care about what you have to say.

aziraphale looks close to despair, his i need you is a plea to crowley to come with him. he is opening himself up not just emotionally but physically, too.

he slightly leans forward, his arms are raised and seem to both slightly grasp for crowley and point towards his chest/heart for emphasis. the pure pain visible on his face knocks the air out of me every single time i look at it.

aziraphale is admitting to needing him, something he has never done before, hell, he has told him the exact opposite on numerous occasions. i don't need you. and while they both knew it was a) a lie and b) a way for him to deal with his conflicting emotional standpoints and cognitive dissonance, it still hurt crowley every. single time.

crowley was there for him no matter what, he knows aziraphale needs him but he came back and remained at his side even when he was pushed away and more or less openly insulted. he endured it all.

aziraphale saying i need you now is pretty much a slap in the face but also what crowley needs to hear. as with everything that happens during the entire conversation, the timing is fucked up and they're talking past each other.

in my opinion, that is why crowley does not react.

only when aziraphale turns spiteful and starts questioning his understanding (aka calling him stupid without outright saying it) does he re-enter the conversation.

aziraphale, however, is upset. now, i will put on my tinhat for just a second and turn up the insanity because there are two more things i want to talk about.

first, the little stutter at the beginning.

"i ngk - i need you."

my question is - why? why does he stumble over these words in particular when it does not happen with any other sentence? the only other time is right after crowley walks away with his "good luck", he stumbles over crowley's name.

so, in short, it happens when he is either caught off-guard or saying something incredible emotional.

and this, everyone, is where i go unhinged in my interpretation.

what if he initially did not want to say "i need you?" what if he was so caught up in getting crowley to stay/come with him that he did not think and almost confessed another three word sentence?

what if he was about to say "i love you" but stopped himself because no, that's too direct, they don't do that, they can't do that. it goes against EVERYTHING they have silently build over the last six thousand years. so he chokes on it. he chokes on it and instead he says "i need you" because it means the same thing.

i need you. don't leave me. come with me. be an us. go off together.

i forgive you. i love you.

they say it over and over again because that's the only way they can say it.

that is why aziraphale is so angry and upset after saying it. he told crowley he loves him, he needs him, and all he got in return was silence.

the funny part is that this code may have worked before, but it no longer does. crowley is too hurt to listen to what aziraphale is trying to tell him, and aziraphale is equally as hurt and also not listening anymore.

the funny part is that it stopped being about love and started being about sides again. my side, your side, our side. choose a side, choose our side, choose me.

the funny part is that beelzebub and gabriel told them what they need to do, i found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #good omens meta #ineffable divorce #this was spontaneous i saw the post and my brain went i need to do this right now #so i did #anyway if u disagree with my conclusions thats fine i disagree with my own theories often enough #otherwise fandom wouldnt be any fun

[qqueenofhades]

what's been particularly vile to me is this group of white online leftists who insist that anyone who cares about more than this one issue for the election is a bad person, like, as if us black and brown people are making up reasons to be afraid and not.....believing the gop when they say they are coming for us. believing trump who has said previously that he does not bluff, that he will do the things he's said he will do (i hate what social media has gone to the word gaslighting but it feels like gaslighting. we lived through four years of trump. we saw the damage. stop treating us like we're being dramatic). it must be great to not have to worry about that i guess? "life won't change under trump" is such a telling admission because maybe theirs won't but mine will. and so many others' will.

and it is often again these (white) online leftists that love to call anyone who disagrees with them a white liberal (derogatory) because they know it would be racist (bad) to be this shitty and condescending to poc but they don't want to actually listen to anything black and brown voters are saying. it's easier to just call us white liberals and throw our opinions out, to ignore the work of black people for decades to gain the right to vote, to disregard the weight of telling them to not do that. it's genuinely appalling. they care so much about racism until it's time to engage with poc who have different opinions than their online echo chambers, then we're just stupid liberals with terrible opinions like..... wanting to live. not wanting four more years of trump. so sorry for that.

sorry for this vent in your inbox, i'm just so fucking tired of white people trying to rewrite history as if trump wasn't that bad. he was for my family and countless others and i am terrified for what's to come if he wins.

The thing about (the often-white) Online Leftists is that they have become just as much as a radicalized death cult as the diehard Trumpists. If you don't want to die for The Revolution and/or sacrifice your life, friends, family, the rest of the country, etc., then you're Insufficiently Pure and must be Purged. (Which I think is just complete BS, as none of them could actually handle sacrificing anything, but it's increasingly the only kind of performative rhetoric that is acceptable in leftist-identified discourse spaces.) This is functionally identical to "if you aren't willing to lay down your life for our Lord and Savior Donald Trump and the Great White Christian Nationalist Dictatorship, you're a liberal cuck," but with the names and justification changed. It doesn't change the underlying radicalization, nihilism, and insanity of the premise.

Another thing the Trumpists and the Online Leftists have in common is that they are busily rewriting just how bad Trump was in order to serve their Ideology. Ever since January 6, 2021, the Republicans have thrown everything they have at revising and whitewashing any suggestion that it was an "insurrection," and the Online Leftists have done the same, in an attempt to "prove" their insane point that Trump "would be better" than Biden. This is embodied in the recent ultimate-brainworm-nonsense maximalist-online take that "Biden has to lose so the rest of the world will see that the US rejects genocide!!!" That's right, the message that the rest of the world would take from Biden losing to Trump is that the US rejects genocide. Never mind if Trump literally wants to commit all the genocide possible and to install himself as a fascist theocratic dictator. In the deeply twisted minds of the Online Leftists, this is the only possible interpretation of Biden's loss, so they'll push for it as hard as they can! The Trumpists and the Online Leftists, at this point, are working pretty much in concert to damage Biden for similar insane reasons and get Trump elected. Etc etc., one Nazi and ten people at the same table is eleven Nazis.

Like. Sure. Four years ago, when Trump was president and people were dying by the thousands because he didn't want to wear a mask because it smeared his bronzer, just to name literally one of the terrible things he did every single day (and not even mentioning how much worse a second term would be) we were absolutely better off. Super-duper great. (Sarcasm.) Either that or "there is suffering and evil in the world and the only solution is to drastically increase the suffering and evil for everyone and to destroy what progress we have managed to make because It Does Not Fix Everything Now" is an absolute moral imperative, and either way, yeah. I'm calling bullshit.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

[lovers-in-love-around-the-world]

interrupted

warnings- smut and anything that goes with it, interrupt while doing it with them, cursing, pet names

Reader is descriptive as a girl.

Plot- where the other Haitani brother walks in on you guys getting nasty.

Ran:

You and Ran were in his room. You had been laid on the bed with Ran in between your thighs. You couldn't remember how this happened and how you both got here.

All you remember is Ran calling you over saying you two needed to finish somethings and here you are now. Naked Infront of Ran with him inbetween your thighs with him only being shirtless.

You moaning and pulling into his hair. Trying to tell him that it was too much. You were way to sensitive for this and just wanted him in you by now. He had already made you cum a few times. Not being able to count anymore.

Ran would just continued to eat you out. Saying to cum one more time for him and then he would finally put you at ease.

You knew he was getting off from his. Watching you whimper and moan from him eating you. From you squirming around while he has to hold you down to make sure you don't get away.

But what you didn't expect is for Rindou to walk in. When he did you just froze and looked at him. Your face went red from embarrassment.

When Ran felt you froze. He lifts his head and looks at you and then at what your looking at. He then wipes his chin and looks at his brother.

"Do you know where you put my DJ stuff. I can't find it" Rindou says, acting like nothing was going on.

Ran thinks for a moment and then nodes. You didn't realize that he was still playing with you but this time with his fingers. You realized he was when he put his fingers inside of you and started stretching you out. You then groan under your breath.

"it should be in the living room in one of the boxes or cabinets. If not I don't know." Ran said. Rindou nodes before closing the door and walking away.

Ran then looked back at you and smirks. He then pecks your lips before kissing your neck.

"sorry about that darling. Now lets us continue~" he said.

Rindou:

Rindou had you on your back with your hands above your head. He was slowly putting himself into you while holding your hands.

You put you head back and closed your eyes as you groans while he does this. Rindou groans and watches you.

He loved seeing your facial expressions while he fucked you. He loved the way your face twisted into pleasure and the way your eyes rolled back. It turned him on more than he would ever admit.

He then slowly moved in and out of you. Watching as you hands grip onto the sheets.

He could never forget how tight you are for him. No matter how many times he fucks you. You are always so tight for him.

Sometimes he wonders how has he not just came right on the spot. He continued to move into you.

Getting faster and faster. As sweats slowly covers both of your body's and the sounds of skin on skin and moans and grunts fill the room.

That was till he heard his door open up. He groans out of annoyance. He then found a blanket closest to you guys and covered you up so than his brother couldn't see you. He then stopped his thrusts and turned to his brother with an annoyed look.

"what?" He asked. He hated when he was interpreted specially when it was with you.

"I was going to ask if you want anything to eat but I see you already got you a snack" Ran says and smiles at you both. Rindou just rolls his eyes.

"no but seriously is there anything you guys want to eat." Ran asked.

Rindou sighs and looks at you. You just shurgged.

"just get us what we normally eat." Rindou says and looks at his brother.

Ran nodes before closing the door before giving you a wink and chuckling to himself as he walks away.

Rindou just sighs before talking the cover of you. You then cup his cheeks and pecks his face with kisses.

"want to continue?" You asked. You didn't want to force him from after what happened and things.

He just nodes. You didn't realize that after that he was now going to act like an animal with you and not hold back.

#reader insert #x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #ran haitani #ran x y/n #ran x reader #ran x you #ran and rindou #rindou x reader #tokyo revengers rindou #rindou x y/n #rindou x you #rindou smut #tokyo rev smut #ran x reader smut #tokyo revengers smut #ran smut #tokyo revengers ran

[snapscube]

on the name thing: i think people want to call you something different because they like you and want to feel like they're your friend by giving you their own quirky nickname. a show of affection or something. that's my good will interpretation of it because it's certaintainly something I can relate to.

also hope this is ok to say, but I miss seeing you doing facecam. you're gorgeous ^^ i respect if you don't feel comfy with it tho, it ain't easy and it's probably much comfier to not bother with it at all lol

have a great day, Penny!

(i know i literally just said im moving on from this but i felt like this idea was worth responding to, AFTER THIS i am moving on guaranteed) i get that! and thats why i stress that i feel this way regardless of intent because the last thing i want to do is cause guilt or demonize people for something that's ultimately pretty common. but even considering your example, with that notion comes a couple problems:

i am not your friend! i do think that there has been a bit of an OVER-correction when it comes to how people think about parasocial relationships and personally relating to people they admire, and generally i like to push back against the notion that having any parasocial relationship is a bad thing cause personally i think parasocial relationships are unavoidable and it's more about your expectations towards that one-sided relationship that become the issue. but two things remain true in either case: i know you so much less than you know me, AND you know me infinitely less than you think you do. so at the end of the day, it is not my responsibility to walk on eggshells about behavior that assumes an intimacy from me i am incapable of and especially uninterested in retaliating.

i have to stress that i am extremely aware it would be insane of me to expect to control peoples actions regarding this on such a large scale, and im also well aware many people come in who are new who get this info for the first time. i repeat the conversation in the interest of introducing those boundaries to people who are new and in general just reinforcing them. i try not to be such a stick in the mud about most things but this is something I REALLY care about, and so i give it the no-nonsense approach i think it deserves. on that note: understanding that there are going to be gaps where people either just do not know about my preferences or simply do not care doesn't mean i have to pretend like i also don't care about it. people can say whatever they want about me in their own spaces, you can call me whatever the fuck you want amongst friends. i do not care cause i do not have the capability to care, it's never going to reach me! but that does not mean i have to pretend to enjoy it if/when it DOES reach me, especially if it's presented as an option for me to respond to. if someone just calls me something weird in a chatroom it's like, i literally do not have the energy or overall scope of vision to react to every one of those instances specifically. there absolutely are things u just gotta let roll off of u sometimes. BUT, the reason we often get into this conversation repeatedly on my tumblr is because given the ask format i get a lot of people who go out of their way to approach me with name jokes or loopholes to an actively established preference as if they are looking for my approval on it. that is where it becomes a little more unpalatable for me.

and to respond to your second question: i appreciate the kind words on that! i sure would like to reintroduce facecam again someday somehow but right now my desk setup is not great for it haha

[angel-maybe-alive]

More things I hate about modern literature because today is a bad day and I need to be a dick online to feel better:

How much sex there is in everything

And again I am not a prude, erotica has existed for decades and it's okay but every popular YA or adventure book nowadays is a bad erotica with some low stakes adventure in the background

And somehow they are able to be both bad porn and bad adventure

And also people will promote those books as " yes the plot kinda sucks but there's good sex scenes"

The word Mary sue

The misuse of the word Mary sue

Any attempt to make a "LOTR inspired" book made by a man

Because usually the things that made LOTR good go just over the authors head and we end with basically a vin diesel movie set in the middle ages

This is not just about modern literature but books about or set in horrible moments for a oppressed minority(like holocaust or slavery) written by people who aren't part of said minority

Coleen hoover

She did for feminist literature what Seth MacFarlane did for adult animation

The harry Potter/Percy Jacksonification of children's literature

The magical choose one trope being taken to a magical world did irremediable damage to children's literature

The mean girl trope

Books set in fictional middle ages but the protagonist go to balls in fashion show modern runaway style dresses

You know the tacky Pinterest glittery showing shoulders back and leg

Those official arts of the same exactly white women and the same white guy in slightly different clothes with the same 2016 style eyebrows and the sharp jawline and the nothing expression

Characters being described as "golden skin" so depending if the author needs some representation points they can be interpreted as people of color but if no one says nothing they stay as just tan white

Comparing dark skin color to any food

How many authors try to make at the same time "this is brainless wish fulfilment fantasy about being desired by a hot dominating guy" and " this is a profound take about the horrors of abuse"

Usually by having the second love interest to abuse the protag

In the end the message that stays is any abuse is forgivable if the abuser is hot enough

The "I'm skinny but not hot super model skinny I am ugly skinny my bones show because of malnourishment"

"yet I don't feel any other effect of starvation like being weak and I can carry five times my body weight in whatever animal the author needs me to hunt in the beginning of the book because making me a farmer wouldn't be cool"

"I am ugly" cried the skinny girl with locks of auburn hair porcelain white skin and eyes of emerald green.

The jk Rowling stupid name school (she named the werewolf Wolfy mcwolf in Latin and people though it was smart now we have a girl who fights on a island named island and the archer who marries a fae named fae archer )

And again faes because fuck faes

#anti sjm #anti sarah j maas #anti booktok #books #writing #unpopular opinion #i guess #yes i am sour and mean #anti jk rowling #anti lore olympus #i know it doesn't counts as a book #but i bloody hate it #fuck booktok #anti coho #anti coleen hoover #i think this is how you write her name

[jade-len]

so today i tricked my very straight male friend into reading svsss.

okay look, i wasn't planning to at first and it's not like it was completely my fault. he wanted to read it!

i was showing him how badly they fucked up mu qingfang in the donghua by comparing it to the english novel design (he said that mu qingfang went from looking like a soft dilf to a predator registered on the epstein island list). and then, i showed him how different some of the other character designs were like gongyi xiao's ("he looks like he'd be a genshin character" -friend, to eng novel design) and luo binghe's ("lowkey, he kinda gives airbender vibes" -friend, to bunhe eng novel design)

so that was all i was gonna show him, nothing else. but after seeing them, he goes, "these designs actually look hella cool. what's the book called?"

now, do i:

A. tell him the name, eventually revealing that it's a danmei when he looks it up?

B. just straight up tell him that it's a danmei?

C: don't tell him the name just yet, spill the summary, get him interested, and tell him to not search anything up about it because there's heavy spoilers and it will reveal them the moment he types it up on the search bar

i go with C, obviously.

me: so, basically, some guy named shen yuan transmigrates into an incel harem male power fantasy novel where the protagonist, luo binghe, has hundreds of wives. thing is though, the guy pretty much took over the body of binghe's teacher he had when he was a teenager, who turns out to be a really scummy dude. and now he has to be nice to him so that the protagonist doesn't rip off his limbs and put him into a pickle pot in the future to suffer for eternity.

friend: that sounds hilarious and horrifying at the same time.

me: yes it is, and you should read it. it's like. my favorite novel at the moment. but don't search up anything about it because people spoil that shit. i'll let you borrow my novel

friend: nah don't worry, i'll just pirate it

friend: wait. does it have pictures?

me, my plan coming together: yeah, it has pictures. buuut, when you pirate it, it doesn't. trust me dude, i tried and was severely disappointed. plus, the physical copy is so much better

friend: fuck yeah ok thanks

me: hold on though. i'll text you later to see if my friend who's borrowing it rn is done reading it

he's hyped. he's excited. he craves a good book and a good transmigration interpretation. he's especially happy about the fact that it takes place in a chinese setting with cool powers and an actual good main character. "this sounds so good, god i wanna read it so bad."

i tell him that binghe is actually adorable, too. that it's pretty much found family! my friend then asks if shen yuan adopts him and becomes a father figure or something.

and i said "yes". you know, like a liar. (the father figure part probably isn't a lie though)

now i'm gonna give him the novel tomorrow! of course, i'm gonna cover the chapter 2 bunhe sexual awakening scene with washi tape and say that my baby cousin (sorry baby cousin, you would never <\3) scribbled all over that paragraph with her markers, and since i'm a neat book freak, i put washi tape and just wrote the scene! i don't know if that's really all too believable, but he didn't seem to care that much. just a simple "if my baby cousin did that to my book i would punt them into the sun"

i think what'll be more hilarious is the fact that you can't really tell that svsss is a BL. especially not volume 1. there's like, only a few lines indicating, but if you remove the baby binghe sexual awakening scene then you probably won't be able to know (...if you don't really read romance or anything. idk he's kinda dense anyways). so let's hope he gets attached and has a slow descent into the homo before i drop svsss vol 2 on him!

ok anyways i'll update you guys later with a reblog. maybe in about two or three days lol

(also don't worry, we already fuck around with each other on a daily basis like this. he's already tricked me into reading some manga i was unprepared for, and i thought that it'd be funny to mess around with him using svsss this time lol)

#greatest prank ive ever donee i think #manipulation 100 fr #absolute tomfoolery #am i a bad friend for this? perhaps. is it hilarious? definitely. #this is truly the most moment of all time #svsss #mxtx svsss #the scum villain's self saving system #luo binghe #luo bingmei #shen qingqiu #shen yuan

[schizoidcel]

## BOOTHILL x READER ★

🤍 ﹒ HEADCANONS ! ! . .

－ notes ̽ ۪⠀written before his release + gn reader huhu. yall i swear ill get to the lcb requests but im brainrotting too fucking much right now boothill is colonizing my mind so enjoy these thoughts i had and will throw into the tags

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

He's a little spoon and NOBODY can convince me otherwise period.

We know damn well hes touch starved. So ofcourse he'd wanna be nuzzled up inbetween your chest and chin

Will teach you how to ride a horse. He definitely has a favourite (his name is Sebastian 🌚🌚)

Very protective over him though. You will not ride on that horse until you are months into the relationship

He gave you another horse to practice riding on and an extra horse incase the other "knocks your socks off" ... Whatever that means

You named them Yee and Haw and he was so conflicted with his emotions that he considered getting a routine check up on his body

Will tease you if you completely fuck up immediately.

He grabs your hands to gesture on things you should be wary about while being on the back of a horse, knowing it'll mess your brain up and lead you to not pay attention to a single thing coming out of his mouth

On the other hand if you're able to handle it in a short amount of time, he'll start flirting with you

"I'm doing it, Boo!" "Nice work, honeybunch. Think ya can manage ridin' somethin' else?" "Dude"

It's one or the other. You will not escape the Boothill down bad programm

Boothill also acts like a himbo to mess around with you.

On another note, you called him Bootyhill once and he's still shook up. Whether /pos or /neg is up to interpretation

While we're on the topic of nick/pet names, he calls you things you've never heard of before .

Or even if you did, they're things you expected never to be called 😭

What the fuck is a doodlebug Boothill

Type of man to get flustered when you flirt back. He just starts bugging out

Will play it cool though, but the faint blue on his cheeks says otherwise

Also a fan of headpats. No, he's not ashamed. No, he will not tell you.

Expanding on the no shame, Boothill takes it to the extreme

No filter, no mask, no nothing. Touchy EVERYWHERE you go

Even if he can't really feel it, he just feels more at ease when you both are near eachother or touch one another. Man wants to protect his partner, after all

It dosen't matter if you're able to protect yourself, the gesture just makes him feel more comfortable and calm

Also has a hair pulling kink woah. Let's keep it sfw everybody

Forehead kisses ❤️ or just kisses anywhere on his head in general. Kiss behind his ears and he will overheat

He let's you play with his hair<3 It's one of his favourite passtimes with you

Braid it, tie it in a ponytail, give him buns, pigtails, curl them, decorate them with hairpins, clip bows in his strands it don't matter PLAY WITH HIS HAIR ⁉️

He relaxes SO MUCH it's insane. Genuinely just one finger goes into that hair of his and he melts

This plays into the little spoon factor

You'd tease him about it but he takes pride in it 😭

Has a weird obsession with biting. If you complain that it hurts he goes "What, want me to smooch the pain away?" and he does this fuckass face :3 while you're just staring at him dead in the eye (you say yes btw)

If you're ticklish, he's hell for you

Tickles you in the most random times possible.

And you know it's even WORSE with those cold ass metalic hands

You're cuddling? The sides of your torso are not safe. You're currently occupied with an activity involving your hands? Your armpits are not safe either. He's laying on your bare stomache face down? He starts blowing raspberries.

You know damn well he uses the feathers of his hat 😭

Sticks it up your nose to make you sneeze too. Usually to wake you up or some shit

You could have the most volcano eruption alert level 5 sneeze and he'd still say "Aww, ya sneeze like a kitten!"

One last note this man is a whiney loser bottom not sorry

the word ill is in boothill for a reason the way im laying in bed all sweaty ANYway 🌚😵😵😵😵

ૢ་༘࿐ thank you for reading ! Ⳋ᧙

#boothill x reader #bruh #i feel so insane #and normal #normaling #ok wer e done. im out. goodbye hsr community thisll be my only contribution #proof reading and looking at the eidolon i used for the header why nobody draw him with those glasses yet🧐🧐

[galacticsuperstitions]

the minds of a lab at three different points (LONG rambling under the cut)

I am constantly in awe of the analyses people put out about Arknights on this website. I feel like my own interpretations are somewhat lacking as a result, but I was confident enough to post this, at least. I've had this idea for a long time now, I think since Lone Trail released, but I've only been able to make the time for it now.

Rhine Lab has so many fucked up elements and people involved in it that it's actually impressive. They were really gunning for "most unethical scientific consortium" reward. Really, though, it's just the result of Kristen gunning for her parents' wishes. All of the directors want something and all of those somethings are different.

Things I want to mention or just feel proud of (allowing myself this because of how long this took):

-I was originally planning on crossing out Saria's surname to reflect that we still don't know what it is in canon, but I don't know why whoever has this poster would do that, so I just kept it in. Hermon refers to Mount Hermon, which Saria's name apparently derives from. Technically, her name here is the same thing twice. Oh well.

-I don't know who this poster belongs to. It's just in some Rhine Lab tech's personal desk, I guess? Doesn't explain the doodles, though. Maybe they were bored and feeling spiteful about the potential job insecurity of your boss being comatose in space.

-I realized only while making this post that I made Saria's, Muelsyse's, and Jara's doodles reference Kristen, yet Kristen's only references herself and her parents. Completely unintentional, but appropriate nonetheless.

-I am so happy with how the poster came out. It makes up for how hard I had to fight Canva for it to come out like that. Here it is in full if you want to look at it closely for whatever reason. (writing an actual description for this thing was fun!)

-Andenate doesn't actually have a face under the sticky note. That's why he's still Mike Wazowski'd in the poster png. I didn't feel like drawing one since it wouldn't be shown in the finished pieces anyway. His jacket is just the same as Magallan's.

-Ifrit's picture board was a literal last-minute addition. It's why the images are sketches rather than being in the lineless style of the poster. It feels fitting, though, so I'm keeping it that way. Seeing Ifrit all grown up and doing so well in Lone Trail was wonderful. There's something in her being happy and healthy and also surrounded by not just her loved ones and friends from Rhine Lab, but also people outside of it. She's cultivated her life to be as fulfilling as she wants it to be, and while there is still room to grow, she has plenty of support and insight from others for it to do so. I may be misrepresenting her a bit (the sleepiness doesn't help), but man. I love Ifrit. She's so cool.

#she rhine on my lab til i (incorrect buzzer noise) she ark on my horizon til i (incorrect buzzer noise) she diabolic on my (LOUD INCORRECT B #i think you can tell when being awake for too long started to get to me lol #arknights #rhine lab #lone trail #lone trail spoilers #kristen wright #saria #arknights saria #muelsyse #jara wilson #ahrens parvis #ferdinand clooney #arknights dorothy #dorothy franks #nasti lunorey #justin fitzroy jr #andenate maryam #(i guess) #ifrit #arknights ifrit #olivia silence #arknights silence #i'm not tagging everyone else. #luc art #fan art

[hyuckmov]

hi queen I hope you're doing fine, we miss you on here 😭

can we please get something from rockstar hyuck part 3??? just crumbs please

here's something spicy that i actually wrote when i FIRST started rockstar hyuck wayyy way way back :) as a thank u to u guys for sticking w me i hope u missed just filth LOL

-

the call connects just after two rings, a sharp crackle of static before you're met with the sound of his soft breathing, loud against the quiet of his surroundings. 

"hey," you whisper, breathlessly. you didn't expect him to even pick up, considering how busy he was after shows. there was every chance he was still at the venue, high off the adrenaline that performing always gave him, or that he was at another one of his after-show parties, feeding off the adoration and desire that always surrounded him in a haze. 

"hey." you can't tell if he's mocking you, his voice equally breathy. "miss me?"

"yeah." you nibble on your lip, unsure what to say now that he was actually listening. shuffling back onto the pillows laid out on your bed, you sigh. "i'm sorry i couldn't make it to your show." it was the band's first trip to play a few gigs in another city close by, and although you wanted to follow, you just couldn't make the time for it. 

the boys, of course, had been endlessly excited – a new city, a new crowd…and of course a whole new slew of girls to show up to their parties. 

"it's fine," he murmurs, lightly. "i'll be back soon, anyway." 

you hear him shift around, and once again you're reminded of how surprising it is that he's picked up. "are you on the way to the party now?" 

"i'm not going to the party tonight, baby." the term of endearment snags your breath, a warmth spreading sweet and slow inside your body. "'m just staying in the hotel." 

"really?" you blurt out, hating the way your voice betrays the spark of hope that flickers in your chest. 

he laughs, and you can hear the smile in it. "it's good that you called," he says, quietly. there's a pause, as you try to figure out how to interpret his words. 

"not going to ask why, baby?" 

"why?" you ask, weakly. 

"because i've been thinking of you all day." you hear the clink of a wine glass being set down on a table, and then the rustle of sheets. "listened to that voice memo you sent me a week ago after the show…got me so fucking hard i couldn't even show up to the party, baby."

you inhale sharply, thighs pressing instinctively together. "haechan…" you murmur, fear prickling at your skin even though you know no one's listening. 

"it got so much worse after i drank," he breathes. "'m so sensitive right now…we've never fucked while drunk right?" 

"haechan," you plead, unsure if you want him to stop or continue. 

"what's wrong?"

"we're…we're on the phone." 

"so?" and now there's a thud, and you're sure he's dropped his phone next to him . you can hear the clink of his belt being unbuckled, the heavy slide of it as he tosses it somewhere off the bed. a rustle of fabric, and then a low groan sounding out, the sound shooting straight to your core. 

"haechan!" 

"fuck…baby," he pants. "keep saying my name like that." 

"hae–" you cut yourself off, biting your lip. fuck.

there's a short pause, your ears filled with the sound of his breathing, as if his body were caging yours in. the memory of it so vivid that you can't help but trail your hands down to the waistband of your shorts, something about the sultry way his voice played in your ears without him actually being there, the ghost of his touch still lingering in the corners of your body –

"- i can hang up, if i'm making you uncomfortable." there's a nervous stutter to his voice, which has lost all cadences of lust. "i'm sorry. i'll see you when i get back, –" 

"don't." you don't bother to hide the neediness in your voice, too stung by the idea of him hanging up, of him leaving you to fester in this unbearable heat. "please stay." 

you hear him inhale. "would it help if we switched to video call?" 

you feel lightheaded, mouth moving without sound. 

"baby," he presses. "you have to tell me if i'm making you feel uncomfortable, okay?" 

"let's not…let's not switch to video call," you swallow. "yet." 

"whatever you want," he agrees, softly. "are you on your bed, sweetheart?" 

"yes," you whisper. "j-jaemin's in his room too." 

"then we'll have to be quiet, hm?" 

#fic: rockstar haechan #haechan smut #asks #anon #heh

[partycatty]

I can't get enough of young Johnny MK11! I love him, god!🥵 How do you like this topic for fanfic? Fem!reader put his jacket and glasses on his naked body, and took sexy selfies.😎❤️‍🔥 Johnny saw this aaand here I’m already giving way to your fantasy hehe~

Thank you in advance! I like the way you write! Well done💕

i'm not sure if i read it right ?? lmk, but i went with my interpretation

johnny cage > call me

johnny's out late working, as usual. you've had enough of waiting and decide to bait him into coming home early

warnings: PHONE SEX TEEHEE

notes: do you guys also like genuinely tweak out wishing he was real? he's so perfect? peak malewife? wishing u were [REDACTED] his [REDACTED] rn?

masterlist

• you were often left to your own devices when it came to living with johnny. he, after all, was a star constantly running around on new projects. any studio would be at his knees for just one contract. he was hollywood's richest man, and you were lucky to call him your boyfriend.

• sure, it had it's moments. the paps stealing upskirt shots from you wasn't ideal, neither was the bush stalking. but you could see past that. what was hardest was when johnny would be gone all through the night, dressed in that stupid ninja mime getup that you learned to loathe since it pulled him away more than his other works. does the world really need a ninja mime trilogy? yes, apparently.

• boredom overtook you, since browsing on your phone for eight hours was now becoming a horrible habit on your neck - and mental stability. you took to mopping the floors, tidying the countertops, dusting his awards. finally, you settled on your walk-in closet.

• it was spacious, big enough for you to each get a side. your side was always decently organized to your liking, but johnny's was... atrocious. jackets hung on one sleeve, some on the floor. the only thing that was neatly organized on his side was the giant rack of sunglasses. he always had a pair to match the outfit and occasion. he probably had about three pairs on him at work.

• as you tried to rearrange his clothing, his distinct, classy scent filled your nose, sticking to the inside of your nose and you couldn't help but feel heated. you missed him, him and his dick. you took a deep whiff of his iconic blue and purple jacket, the one he left at home knowing he'd have to get in costume anyway.

• you threw it over yourself, embracing your torso and spinning in the mirror. it fit him perfectly, but on you it was like a blanket. the sleeves sagged off of your arms and your midsection was swimming. his size was impressive, his form shaped like a greek god.

• you couldn't help yourself, the memories of him and scent turned you on. blame pheromones, dammit! but, you realized you could take advantage of this.

• throwing your shirt off, you donned the jacket again, wearing it like he does - chest exposed. a purple pair of sunglasses practically screamed your name from the rack and you put them on. you looked just like him...! no, not really.

• touching yourself in his clothes was not a new idea, but there certainly was a new idea blossoming in your head. you pulled your phone out and snapped a mirror selfie, trying to flex like he does but your muscles were muffled from the loose fabric.

• how's this for the next cagecon? you text johnny, attaching the photo. you didn't expect him to reply right away, considering he was at work. but before you could lock your phone for the moment, his name popped up within milliseconds.

• don't take me away from work, baby! johnny replies with a winking emoji.

• what if i want to? it's so lonely in your mansion, you reply with an angel emoji, sitting on the edge of your shared bed as you fight a grin. you angle the phone downward, capturing your bare chest. your nipples brush against the jacket, making them stick out through the front. johnny takes a moment to reply, but you feel your phone vibrate once, then twice, then three times.

• fuck, you're so hot in my clothes.

• i'm taking my break early. can't work with a boner.

• the third message was a short video of him palming himself through that stupid costume. the only thing you can thank that outfit for is how prominent it makes his bulge.

• phone sex through texts was also nothing new to you two, considering the distance. as your fingers sink under your panties, assuming that's where things will go before you get a fourth message.

• call me. please.

• you sit up straight, biting your lip. his desperation always got you going. you kicked your pants and panties aside.

• you send one last photo, your body spread out on the bed in his clothes. your hand conceals your dripping pussy playfully.

• why should i? you shoot the message out, giggling at your own words.

• johnny doesn't even reply, he opens your message and calls you. you eagerly accept his call. his voice is echoey and rough. you realize he's hiding in the bathroom. his breathing is heavy.

• "are you proud of yourself?" he asks in a low rumble, trying to stay quiet but his flustered huffing makes his voice whiny. "look at what you did."

• he sends a photo. his cock is eager and out, and you see a teardrop of precum on his tip. you happily exchange that photo for another one, a short video of you gingerly touching yourself. he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

• "i couldn't wait til i'd get home," he admits, and you hear the slick sounds of him jerking off. "i want to, i want to come home and fuck you like that, but i'm here for another two hours."

• "you couldn't have waited?" you ask in disbelief, circling small loops on your aching clit.

• "no." johnny's reply sounded so sure of himself, so convinced in his words. he was as firm as he would've been if you asked him if he killed someone. he knew this to be a fact, he could not wait. "i can't help it, sweetheart. you're just so... god."

• his breaths get heavier and needier, you can sense he's speeding up on himself. you try to match what you assume is his pace, one that he confirms through another video. he held the phone below his dick, giving you a delicious view of his abs and bobbing adam's apple as he swallowed hungrily.

• his arms were painted white, but his hands were his usual flesh tone since he wore gloves for the costume. even still, his veins were incredibly prominent and really helping you reach your climax.

• "we gotta make this quick, baby," he grumbles into the phone, muffling his moans through bitten lips. you're a little louder due to your privacy, much to his delight. "people'll start looking for me."

• "johnny," you whimper out, back arching up off of the bed. "i'm already close." through your haze, you get a video of you masturbating wildly, the jacket now sliding down to your sides and fully revealing your tits as you fuck yourself. "i-i need you, i need you so bad-"

• "i know, baby," he breathlessly replies, straining himself to avoid moaning out your name and attracting attention. "let me hear how badly you need me."

• you could only spew out utter nonsense at this point as your orgasm is dangerously close. he seems to get the memo, though, and gives you permission to cum with him. your needy cries and his muffled grunts make a perfect chorus that you only wish were in person.

• when your breathing slows, as does his, you hear him chuckle to himself. a new message appears in your chat.

• his weeping dick was cradled in his palm, as was a entire handful of semen dripping down his fingers. he wanted to show you just how hard you made him cum from phone sex alone.

• "round one was now," he mumbles as you hear him tear a piece of toilet paper to wipe his hand. "round two is when i get home. you gonna be ready for it, princess?"

• the phone rests on your bare, damp chest as you fixate on the ceiling. you take the sunglasses off and wipe your face with a smile.

• "i'm always ready," you reply with a giggle.

• "that's my girl. see you in two hours. i love you." and with that, he hangs up, leaving you a naked, sweaty mess that's only concealed in his jacket.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #johnny cage smut #mortal kombat smut #mk11 #mortal kombat 11 x reader #mortal kombat 11 #johnny cage mk11 #marley writes ☆

[akystaracer22]

Distrust Fall:

A leap of faith gone wrong, an eternal promise kept eternally. No matter how long it has been some things never truly change.

Notes

How to fail a trust fall: Step one

Vaggie's relationship with Adam is very complicated, but at the moment there is a lot of animosity and it shows.

Adam is of the opinion that Sorry doesn’t mean jack shit if you make the mistake again, so he just doesn’t apologise because he thinks he’ll just fuck up again so there’s no point.

The hotel needs a licensed therapist at this point dear lord.

Alastor still isn’t over the whole “Radio is fucking dead” thing.

If there is one thing that Adam knows off by heart, it’s the names of animals scientific or otherwise. That was the guys job once upon a time and assuming he doesn’t know that stuff is the true quickest way to piss him off. He’s also really good with animals which pisses off Anthony because Fat Nuggets *likes* Adam and it drives the sinner up a wall.

Alastor and Lucifer are on the ground. Angel, Husk, Charlie, Vaggie, and Adam are on the roof.

Alastor was going to let him get a cm from the ground before catching him dw.

Lucifer used to be friends with Adam in the garden because I live for that sweet sweet friends to enemies tragedy.

Adam really does not like people staring at his face, it’s a mild form of scopophobia caused by his time in heaven with people always giving him shit for how he looked, particularly his facial features (Yes I drew on everyone calling him ugly and average on twitter and shit). He used the mask to get around it, that way people couldn’t actually see what he looked like.

This was originally 1260 but then I got an idea that blew this out by 500 words lol.

The graveyard with be elaborated on in a future connected one shot.

This is officially a fully fledged AU

Regarding Adam's claws, they're gold to combat the greyness of his palette, but also as a nod to Midas, the arrogant king who's touched turned everything to gold. Angelic blood is also gold so if you want you can interpret it as having blood on his hands.

Fingerless gloves because I thing they're neat.

I based Lucifer's wings off of duck wings!

Also Lucifer's angelic appearance was based on space. I heard Sera call Charlie "Daughter of the Morning Star" and I went feral.

He has a full shifting night sky in his wings, clothes, and hat.

Angels have white pupils now I don't make the rules.

References saved my life.

Word count: 1725

(Comic and fic under the cut! Click for better quality)

@irregular-child

Adam leaned away from the edge as the wind drifted through his wings, keenly aware of the fact that his wings wouldn’t break his fall and he did not in fact trust jack shit in hell to break it except the ground.

“Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“I’m with princess perfect this is a fucking death sentence,” Adam agreed, a little reluctantly because it was still the princess of hell, “You’re trying to fucking kill me.”

Vaggie smirked, because of course she did because she was trying to kill him, he wasn’t that dense, and just shrugged, “I mean, worked for me didn’t it?”

“That wasn’t even a fucking trust fall that was to get you to fucking fly and you know it! Fucking bitch,” The first man scowled and tried to step away from the edge, the crack whore of an arachnid immediately shoving him back up, “Would you fuck off?!”

“Would you stop being a dick?”

“Would you stop sucking them?”

The white jumping spider stared at him for a long moment and Vaggie stepped away from him for once, great! Cool! One person was leaving him alone and soon a second one will!

Great! About fucking time they got the message-

-------]

Lucifer paced nervously around Dazzle’s statue; this was a terrible idea. Having Adam go through a trust fall this early was going to end in disaster one way or another.

The main issue being nobody liked Adam and wouldn’t care if he fell. Hell, Charlies girlfriend has already tried to kill Adam off for good multiple times since he got here!

This was going to be a mess; Alastor was supposed to be catching Adam but he was just standing there looking completely unprepared and-

“Are you going to get ready or not.” Lucifer snapped at the radio demon, wings flicking out behind him in agitation.

“Oh, I have no intention of catching him.”

Lucifer froze, his tail stilling before lashing behind him as he turned on the deer-eared sinner, “What.”

“You heard me.”

“Oh, I heard you alright, and I think you should try that again.”

“And why are you getting so worked up, hm?” The sinner hummed, sneering down at the king, “Last I checked, the first man was your enemy after he tried to kill your own daughter.”

“I-” Lucifer paused, then scowled because Alastor was right. Why was he getting so worked up over this. This was Adam they were talking about. Adam who was crass and rude and cold to everyone. Adam, who would rather sit in his room all day than even look at any of them. Adam who was…

“…Luci, do they all hate me?”

…

“I can see why they left me for you.”

…

“It is good to see you again my friend! Come, much has changed since your last visit!”

… Adam who was so much more than who he was now. Who was probably the only person left in hell that remembered Eden.

Damnit.

“That’s none of your business you son of a bitch,” The fallen angel snapped at the cannibal, eliciting nothing more than a growing grin from the bastard.

Not a day went by in hell where Lucifer wished that this wasn’t his circus and that the sinners weren’t his monkeys.

Someone screamed above him.

The seraphim whipped his head up, eyes widening as he registered Adam twisting the air as he was shoved off the roof by Angel Dust.

Fear struck his heart like an exorcists blade when the first man tried to use his wings to glide, only for a single wing beat to send him into a spiral hurtling towards the ground.

He caught Adams eye for a single moment before it was obscured by his good wing, the man was terrified. He didn’t know sinners reformed after death and despite it all. Lucifer would never wish someone to experience falling from their death after quite literally falling from heaven.

Not even on Adam.

Something in his heart spurred the king into action, kicking off the ground as his wings snapped open to catch the air. A single beat of his wings and he was already well off the ground.

Lucifer reached a hand up for Adam as the fallen angel reached out to him in kind, panic written across both their faces at the idea of a horrible accident.

Lucifer’s wings moved the air one more time and-

“And… you will catch me?”

Lucifer laughed softly, a gentle chiming sound from where he stood behind Gods first man. He was trying to show him a game Lucifer and his kin would play from time to time amongst the spires of heaven.

The game was simple, one angel was to stand up high with their wings folded and fall. Then the other angel was to catch them. It was supposed to build trust, not to mention it was a delight in and of itself.

Standing amongst the grasses of Eden, Lucifer saw no reason not to share this game with Adam. He’s already grown fond of the way that Gods creation would go out of his way to show the angel what he’d been up to since his last visit.

“Be not afraid my friend!” Lucifer’s wings spread quietly to punctuate his point, divine magic threading his words, The Voice ensuring that the first man would hear and believe him.

“No matter how far you fall, I shall always be there to catch you.”

Lucifer wrapped his arms securely around the fallen angel as his wings curled around wing and man alike, bracing himself as the added weight as they both fell together.

It’s funny, it reminded him of when Adam first fell, a fiery ball that could have almost been mistaken as a shooting star had Lucifer not known better.

They hid the ground with a slam and the fallen seraphim had to bite back a shriek as his wings took the brunt of the force. They’d be left aching for a while.

Lucifer grunted as he pushed Adam off of him, sitting up and folding his wings in, allowing them to slip out of existence while they healed, he definitely didn’t want to do that again.

He slowly got to his feet while the first man got his bearings, dusting himself off and rubbing his shoulders to try and alleviate the pain.

“Why the fuck did you save me?”

Lucifer jerked and looked down at Adam from where he was glaring up at him, a note of confusion held carefully in his gaze before it dropped.

“I-”

“Well, isn’t this quite a surprise!”

Lucifer’s expression shot into a scowl as he rounded on the radio demon very blatantly interrupting the moment. The bastard just grinned and stared down at the both of them.

From the corner of his eyes Lucifer noted Adam’s good wing hitching up instinctively to cover his face from the demons gaze before dropping.

Lucifer turned his attention back to the radio demon with a glare that could melt steel, “You were going to let him fall,”

“I was going to do no such thing,”

“You just said-!”

“I said nothing you just assumed I was going to do nothing at all!”

“Listen here you!” Lucifer was just off again by the main doors opening and the other’s all barrelling out at the commotion.

Lost in the sudden onslaught of attention and having to field Alastor’s snarky comments, Anthony’s suggestive remarks, and Charlie’s concern, he didn’t see Adam flee the scene.

It wasn’t until much later that he was able to recognize the first man’s absence, searching the hotel to see if Adam was okay.

He found him at the graveyard, sitting among the many tombstones for the exorcists slain in the battle that caused Adam to fall.

Lucifer paused at the entrance to the burial ground, watching Adam sit there facing away from him for what felt like an eternity.

Despite the dead being gone, the king of hell still felt like the exorcists weapons were pointed at him, a warning that if he made one wrong move they would rise from their graves to protect their leader, to avenge him, to strike Lucifer down in an instant.

The once-angel of the morning star carefully stepped away from the cemetery, making sure he didn’t break the silence. Even if Adam wanted to be disturbed, he wasn’t the right person to do it, not in this place.

Besides, he still had his own thoughts to sort through, like why in the name of the divine he saved Adam when he would have survived regardless. He would have been fine even if he did hit the ground unimpeded so why-

Lucifer grimaced as the answer stuck to him like a parasite, he knew damn well why he saved him. It was the same stupid reason he preened Adams wings for him, the same reason he treats the first man’s wing rot and the exact same reason he made that deal with Adam after he fell.

He was attached.

Stupids horribly foolishly, Lucifer still cared for Adam even after everything.

By the stars he beat Adam within an inch of his life! Adam tried to kill his daughter!

But emotions were hardly logical. They weren’t logical when he fell for Lilith in the garden and taught her and Adam both The Voice, they weren’t logical when he freed Eve, and they weren’t logical now.

Lucifer cared for Adam, even if by all logic he should hate the man.

“Dad?”

Lucifer looked up to meet his daughters eyes, a small smile letting her know he was okay, “Hey there Duckie.”

Charlie’s expression softened at the nickname even if he still looked concerned, “Dad… are you sure you’re okay?”

“If I’m not now, I will be, so stop worrying about little old me Char-char,” Lucifer chuckled, “However… Adams in the graveyard if you want to talk to him, he seems like he needs some company right now.”

He made his exit quickly after that, he knew what Charlie would do, it was in her nature to help people, it was what made her so special.

But Lucifer, he helped people once, and now… he had a new person he could help again.

And he might just know where to start.

#hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #angst #writing #hazbin hotel adam #fluff #worldbuilding #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin charlie #charlie morningstar #fallen angel adam #hazbin hotel angel dust #fallen angel #angel dust #vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel #this is why i don't draw comics #i always have to render it fully #my art #adamsapple #lucifer x adam #adam x lucifer #guitarduck #ashes to ashes dust to dust

[wholoveseggs]

Indulgences

18+ ---- {Masterlist}

Part One

Elijah's red door is cracked open and his heart broken, so naturally Klaus takes him to a strip club to cheer him up.

~♡♡ This is part one of a series I've been writing inspired by a @klausysworld post about Elijah being in a pretty woman-esque scenario ♡♡~

3k words - Warnings: light smut, red door elijah {my interpretation of him}, drug use, adult themes, domestic abuse, violence, blood drinking.

{Part Two} {Part Three} {Part Four}{Moodboard->}

"Laadiieess! Two whales just walked in!" Stacy announced, her heels clicking on the marble floor as she rushed into the dressing room. You were applying a new layer of lipstick in the mirror when you caught her eyes in the reflection.

"Who are they? Any hot ones?" You asked, spinning around to face her. She smirked, her eyebrows arching up.

"Oh yeah, they are brothers; I overheard Mitch talking to them out there. They're filthy rich and super hot. I heard their last name, uh, Mikaelson. That sounds familiar, don't it?" Stacy replied, adjusting her breasts in the mirror.

"I've heard other clients talk about them; they are gangsters or something. Powerful ones, like mafia-type shit," Tonya chimed in from her relaxed position in a chair, looking at her phone, her long legs gracefully draped over the arm, stiletto heels pointed in the air.

"Ooh, really? Sounds intriguing." You hummed, glancing at yourself in the mirror again. You adjusted your strapless corset, smoothed out your black lace panties, and straightened your black thigh-high stockings secured by a garter belt. Your boyfriend Jordan had bought you the lingerie; he told you the outfit would make more clients want to buy lap dances from you.

"They booked the platinum suite for the whole night; that's ten grand right there," Stacy revealed with an excited gleam in her eyes.

"Damn, it's been months since we had clients who could afford that kind of luxury," Tonya replied, a smirk playing on her lips.

"They want a private show and a lot of drinks." Stacy added; you could tell she was excited. She loved big spenders, especially the ones who gave big tips.

"Alright, I'll take them; I could use the cash." You chimed in, smoothing down your hair and checking your makeup one more time.

"Just hold on a minute; this isn't some regular party. Mitch is coming by to pick, so sit tight, sweetie." Stacy warned, her eyes narrowing at you. You frowned, Stacy was always acting like the boss, even though she was just a dancer like you.

More girls came filing into the change room, the news of the two hot, rich clients spread rapidly through the club's grapevine. They were all whispering among themselves, gossiping about the clients.

"I heard that they run this town and can have anyone killed, like snap their fingers and a dead body would appear the next day," whispered a younger girl named Tiffany.

"You know that bigwig Marcel? He's like their right hand; he does anything they tell him to," replied another girl named Samantha, tall and blonde.

"So, are they, like, dangerous?" Tiffany asked.

"Of course not, don't worry, doll. If they are, I'll protect you,” Tonya cooed, wrapping an arm around Tiffany's shoulder.

"That's if Mitch picks you, which is unlikely; he wants the best of the best for them. You know, ones with discretion," Stacy said with a laugh as she reapplied her mascara.

"Fuck you, Stacy," Tonya snapped, rolling her eyes.

A few minutes later, Mitch arrived in the change room. He was the owner of the strip club, a sleazy man who always wore a suit and had a cigar hanging from his mouth. He eyed the girls up and down, a sick grin spreading on his face. He enjoyed the power he had over the girls, being able to choose which one got the private clients. He knew how badly they all needed the cash.

"Alright, ladies, I'm sure you all heard the good news. We have a couple of VIP clients here tonight. You know the drill, line up," Mitch said, gesturing to the lineup spot in the back of the dressing room.

You all stood in line, a mixture of nerves and excitement swirling inside you. Clients like this could net you a ton of cash, and a ton of cash meant your rent paid, groceries on your table, and perhaps even a bit left over for some pills. You felt yourself growing nervous as you watched Mitch eyeing the girls. You already owed Jordan a ton of money for some drugs; he had been threatening you recently, telling you he would kick you out of the apartment if you didn't get him the cash. You needed a client like this, and the sooner, the better.

You watched as Mitch walked up and down the line of girls, taking a sip from his glass of scotch every now and then. He looked over each girl, sizing them up, picking at someone's outfit, hair, or makeup, shaking his head or sighing before moving on to the next.

"Come on, Mitch, stop playing us like this," Stacy groaned, rolling her eyes. Mitch chuckled.

"Shut it, or I won't pick you, and they are big tippers," he threatened. Stacy scowled, her eyes narrowing, but she fell silent.

Finally, Mitch reached the end of the line and paused; his eyes landed on you. His smile widened, and his eyes lit up.

"Yes, you'll do just fine," he hummed. He reached out and patted your butt, causing you to flinch.

"Alright, Stacy, Tonya, and Y/N, go to the platinum room and take care of the boys. They have requested privacy, so no interruptions, got it? And I want them happy, you get me?" Mitch added, looking at you with lust-filled eyes.

"Of course," Stacy replied, smirking. Tonya smiled and nodded her head.

"Good, go out there and get them drunk," Mitch instructed.

As you and the other girls prepared to head to the platinum room, the door creaked open, and Jordan sauntered in with an air of confidence. He was wearing nice clothes and smelled like cologne. A wide grin spread across his face as his eyes scanned the room, taking in the half-naked girls. He whistled, making a few girls giggle.

"Look at my pretty girls, all dressed up and ready to dance for some filthy rich clients. I'm jealous." He chuckled, running a hand through his slicked-back hair.

"Oh, you're jealous, baby? Don't worry, I'll save some dances for you later," you cooed, walking up to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. He smiled and pressed a kiss to your lips, his hand on your ass.

"I brought something to help you girls relax," he said, holding up a small baggy of pills, you're drug of choice when you danced, molly.

"Ooh, thank you, babe," you said, kissing him again before taking a pill and dry swallowing it. The other girls came over and took a pill, giggling and thanking Jordan.

"You're the best, Jordy," Stacy purred, rubbing his arm and giving him a seductive smile.

"Anything for my favorite girls," he replied, winking at her.

"Alright, now get up there and earn me some money," he said, giving your butt a light smack.

You walked out of the change room and followed the girls down the hall, towards the platinum suite. The blaring music and vibrating bass filled the air, making your heart beat fast and palms sweaty. In the dim lights and smoke, you could see the writhing bodies of the other girls dancing on the stages and in the cages, and the cheering of the male audience as they waved dollar bills in the air.

"Alright, let's do this," Tonya hummed, reaching out and opening the door.

The room was dark, illuminated by blue and purple lights casting a soft glow. Leather couches lined the walls, a circular platform with a pole stood in the middle and a small bar was in the corner. A low beat played in the background. The two VIPs sat on the couch, their features partially obscured.

"Welcome, ladies," an accented voice hummed as the door shut behind you, and you could feel his eyes on you.

"Hi, boys, my name is Stacy, and this is Tonya, and Y/N," Stacy purred, stepping towards them. You watched her hips sway as she moved.

Despite sharing some features, they didn't look much like brothers. Both incredibly handsome, the one who spoke had curly blonde hair and a cocky smirk, while the other had darker hair with a brooding look on his face.

"Hello, gorgeous," The blonde one hummed, his voice smooth, there was something about them that seemed inherently dangerous.

"What can we get you boys? Drinks?" Tonya asked, taking a seat next to the blonde one as Stacy took to the stage.

The three of you had a simple but effective routine, with one dancing while the others entertained the clients. It was a tried and tested method, one you had used many times. Your job was less about seduction and more about understanding what the clients wanted. Some wanted a sexy show, others wanted to chat, and some wanted a more personal experience. You had learned how to read people, knowing which ones were the best tippers and which ones to stay away from.

"Bring me a bottle of your best scotch, and glasses for us, love," the blonde one said, his smirk widening.

"Absolutely, handsome. Anything for you, darling?" Tonya replied, looking at the brooding one.

"Whatever my brother is having will be fine, thank you," he replied, his tone polite.

Tonya's eyes darted from the blonde one to you, signaling that she wanted to approach the blonde one. Which was fine with you; the shy brooding ones were your specialty.

"I'll be right back," Tonya hummed as she stood up and walked over to the bar, where she grabbed a bottle and some glasses.

You moved to the brooding one, sitting down next to him. You could see the muscles under his suit and the sharpness of his jaw.

"And what's your name?" You purred, putting on your seductive persona.

"Elijah," he replied, his dark eyes roaming over you.

"Nice to meet you, Elijah, I'm Y/N," you said, offering him your hand. He took it and brought it up to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles.

"Lovely to meet you, Y/N," Elijah murmured, a small smile gracing his face.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks as you smiled back. Something about Elijah made you feel drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. You couldn't deny that he was incredibly handsome. As the song changed, you felt the familiar buzz of the drugs flowing through your veins, making your body tingle. You looked over at Tonya, who was giving the blonde one a lap dance. She made eye contact with you and winked, signaling for you to keep the conversation going.

"This would be more fun if you took off your suit jacket, hm?" You suggested, reaching out and playing with the buttons.

"I'll leave it on for now," he said softly, his eyes darkening as he watched you touch him.

"Don't mind him; my brother isn't the biggest fan of these types of places, and he's a bit broken-hearted," the blonde one said, chuckling as he looked over at Elijah.

"Klaus," Elijah hissed, his eyes narrowing. Klaus chuckled again.

"Who broke your heart, handsome?" You purred, scooting closer to him.

"His girl married someone else," Klaus chimed in before downing his scotch.

Elijah scowled, his jaw clenching, before he looked at you.

"I'd rather not talk about it," he muttered, his eyes darting away.

"That's okay; we don't have to talk at all," You hummed, moving onto his lap, straddling him. You could feel the bulge in his pants, and you smirked. He wasn't unaffected by you, no matter how cold he seemed. Elijah's breath hitched, and his eyes widened. He was tense under you, but he didn't try to move away.

You could hear Klaus chuckling in the background, clearly amused by the situation. He had his hands all over Tonya, whispering in her ear as she grinded on him.

You ran your hands down Elijah's chest, your fingers toying with the buttons on his shirt.

"What would you like to do, handsome? We can talk, or I can dance, or we could do other things," you hummed, your voice soft.

Elijah's gaze darkened, his eyes flickering down to your breasts before they darted back up to your face.

"You can dance," he murmured, his voice thick.

You smirked, knowing exactly how to work with the shy ones, to give them what they wanted without them having to admit it.

"Sure thing, handsome," you hummed, climbing off of him. You stepped onto the stage, and Stacy moved away, grabbing her drink from the side of the platform. She winked at you and gestured to the pole before taking a seat next to Klaus. Elijah's eyes were on you, the dim light reflecting in his dark irises. His jaw was clenched, and his hands were gripping the leather couch. You smirked as you wrapped your hand around the cool metal pole, feeling it under your palm. You felt the molly pulsing through your veins and you started to move, your body moving fluidly and sensually, your muscles tensing and flexing. You could feel Elijah's gaze on you, his eyes roaming over your body. You turned your head and made eye contact with him, giving him a coy smile.

"Do you like what you see?" You teased, biting your lower lip. Elijah's eyes flickered up to yours, his gaze intense.

"Yes, you are very beautiful," he replied, his voice low. Your heart fluttered, and you smiled. You usually didn't care what a client thought of you, but there was something about Elijah that made you want to please him. You continued to dance, the song changing, and the bass pounding in your ears. Klaus was enjoying his time with Tonya, who had removed her bra, her breasts inches from his face. Stacy was chatting with him, laughing and touching his arm. The three of you were experts at reading the room; Klaus was clearly the type who liked his girls all over him, while Elijah seemed like the type who liked to watch. So the three of you adjusted, keeping up with their preferences. You kept your attention focused on Elijah; his gaze was intense, his eyes tracking your every move.

You danced for the next hour, the men enjoying the show. Klaus was clearly drunk and was all over Stacy and Tonya, whispering in their ears and touching them. They were laughing and playing along, hundred-dollar bills tucked into their g-strings. Elijah removed his suit jacket, the room becoming too warm for him. Your eyes roamed his body, enjoying the way his shirt stretched over his muscles.

"I'm glad to see you are relaxing, brother," Klaus hummed, his smirk widening.

You stepped off the stage and walked towards Elijah, sitting back down in his lap. You unhooked your bra, tossing it to the side. His eyes darted down to your breasts, and you saw his jaw clench. You smirked, leaning forward and pressing yourself against his chest. He inhaled sharply, his hands moving to your waist. You took his hands and brought them up to your breasts, encouraging him to touch you.

"You can touch me, handsome. You have my permission," you whispered, a mischievous glint in your eye. Elijah's breath hitched, and his hands hesitantly caressed your breasts.

"They're soft," he breathed, his thumbs brushing over your nipples.

"I'm glad you like them," you murmured, smiling.

"Are you enjoying yourself, brother? Having a good time?" Klaus asked, his voice teasing. Stacy was slowly grinding on his lap, his hands gripping her ass.

"Mmhmm," Elijah hummed, his eyes not leaving your chest. You giggled, pressing a kiss to his neck. You could feel his pulse quickening under your lips.

"I'm glad," Klaus replied, his eyes meeting yours. There was a darkness in his gaze, something that made your heart skip a beat.

"I think he's enjoying himself, don't you?" Tonya purred, a smirk on her face as she watched the scene unfold.

"Oh, yes, I think he is," Stacy agreed.

"You should kiss me, Elijah," you hummed, cupping his cheek and leaning in. He hesitated, his eyes wide, his heart racing.

"Go on, brother. Kiss the girl," Klaus urged, his tone playful. Elijah's brow furrowed, but he didn't argue. He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours. His kiss was gentle, tentative, his hands cupping your face.

"You can kiss me harder; I won't break," you breathed, pressing your lips against his.

"You could," he replied, and something about his tone made you wonder what he meant. There was a deep sadness in his eyes, a loneliness that resonated with you.

He kissed you again, his hands sliding down your back, pulling you close, his hands exploring your body, touching your bare skin. He was a fantastic kisser, his lips moving against yours, his tongue invading your mouth. You've had hot clients before, ones that smell nice and feel good, but this was different. There was an energy between you and Elijah that made you ache for more.

You heard a strange sound coming from the direction of the others, and you pulled back, looking over. Your eyes widened, your heart stopping. Stacy was unconscious in Klaus' arms, his mouth was on her neck, his teeth sinking into her skin. Tonya was on the floor, blood trickling down her neck, staining the white marble floor.

Fear flooded your veins, and you began to scream, but Elijah covered your mouth with his hand, silencing you. You struggled against him, terror coursing through your body. He was strong, too strong, his arms wrapping around you, holding you still.

"Relax, sweetheart; you are safe with me. My brother is just a tad greedy," Elijah's voice was calm and soothing. His eyes were locked onto yours, and you felt your fear instantly dissolve. It left you feeling strange, like you were in some sort of trance. You couldn't move, couldn't speak; all you could do was stare into Elijah's deep brown eyes and feel the warmth radiating from his body.

"There, now, isn't that better?" Elijah's voice was hypnotic, lulling you into a peaceful state. You nodded, a small smile on your face.

"Good, that's good," he murmured, a pleased expression on his face. You could still see Stacy and Tonya in your peripheral vision, their bodies motionless, blood pooling on the floor. You knew you should scream, run, call security—anything. But all you could do was sit there, a serene look on your face, Elijah's voice echoing in your mind.

"Such a lovely creature, you are," Elijah's voice was smooth and hypnotic, his hands caressing your skin. His shyness was completely gone, replaced with a calm, confident demeanor. He took your hand, kissing your knuckles, a gesture that sent strange butterflies through your stomach.

"May I?" Elijah's voice was gentle as he brought his lips to your wrist. You didn't understand what he was asking, but you nodded anyway, the words trapped in your throat. Elijah smiled, a genuine smile, and his lips brushed against the sensitive skin of your wrist. He looked up at you, his dark eyes capturing yours, and his teeth pierced your flesh.

It wasn't painful; it felt like a gentle sting, and then a warm, pleasant sensation spread through your body. You were transfixed by his face, his eyes turned completely black, and gray veins appeared underneath his eyes. Elijah's lips were soft, and his tongue was warm as he licked the blood from your wrist, his fangs gently scraping your skin. It was strangely erotic; his movements were sensual, his lips sucking on your skin, drawing more blood from the wound. He pulled back, a drop of crimson liquid falling from his lips.

"Interesting," he murmured, his eyes turning back to normal. "What drugs have you done? I can taste it," he asked, licking his lips.

"Uh, a little ecstasy," you replied, your voice soft and dreamy. He chuckled, and his lips found their way to your neck. His tongue traced the artery, his teeth ghosting over your skin. You shivered, your hands finding their way to his hair, your fingers tangling in the dark strands.

"You're not a gangster, are you?" you breathed, the words tumbling from your lips.

"No, darling, I'm not," he chuckled, his breath warm against your neck.

"Are Tonya and Stacy dead?" you asked, your voice trembling.

"No, they will be fine, and they will be well compensated," Elijah replied, his voice soft and reassuring. "And so will you," he added, his hand gently tracing the lines of your face. You could see Klaus finishing up with Stacy, licking her wounds. He bit his own wrist and poured his blood into his glass, then into the mouths of both women. He smirked, satisfied with himself, and you watched as the bite marks on them healed.

"I don't understand," you said, confused.

"We aren't gangsters, darling; we are something far worse," Elijah said, his lips finding yours again. He kissed you, his lips gentle and warm, his hands caressing your body. He bit down on his own lip, drawing blood, his tongue sliding into your mouth. You tasted the metallic tang of his blood, and you found yourself moaning. He pulled away, his lips curled into a smirk, and his eyes dark.

"W-what are you?" you whispered, fear and desire mingling in your heart.

"It doesn't matter; you will forget all this soon enough," he said, his tone soothing.

"You certainly like that one," Klaus hummed, watching as Elijah gently kissed you again.

"I have an affinity for lost causes," Elijah replied, a soft smile on his face. 

You found yourself back in the dressing room, looking down at multiple neat stacks of one-hundred-dollar bills. You couldn't remember when you received the money; all you could recall was Elijah's warm brown eyes.

Tonya and Stacy were sitting next to you, the two of them counting the money, giddy as they recounted the events.

"Twenty thousand each, can you believe it?" Stacy asked, her eyes wide.

"We didn't even have to sleep with them," Tonya added, grinning.

"Classy gentlemen they were, didn't try anything," Stacy continued, a dreamy look in her eye.

"Elijah was sweet, shy, but sweet," Tonya hummed.

"And Klaus was so charming," Stacy giggled.

"How much did you make?" Tonya asked, nudging you.

"I'm not sure; I was kind of out of it," you replied, shrugging.

"I'm tired too, I was having so much fun with them I totally lost track of time," Stacy said, yawning.

You looked down at the cash, your fingers grazing the crisp bills. You couldn't remember the last time you'd had this much money, and you could tell the other girls were struggling with the same thought.

"Just a few hours of pouring drinks and a lap dance, and now I can buy a new car," Stacy mused, a contented smile on her face.

"A new outfit, new shoes, fuck a new wardrobe!" Tonya chimed in, a gleam in her eyes.

You counted your money, thirty thousand dollars. You usually earned that much in six months, if you were lucky. You had no idea why the two men had given you so much money, and you didn't want to know.

{Part Two} {Part Three} {Part Four}{Moodboard->}

#klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson smut #the originals #the vampire diaries #tvdu #vampire diaries #elijah mikaelson imagine #elijah mikealson imagine #elijah mikealson #elijah mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson smut #elijah mikealson x reader #klaus mikaelson imagine #the originals imagine #tvd #the vampire diaries x you #the vampire diaries x reader #the vampire diares imagine #the vampire diaries imagine #klaus mikaelson fanfiction

[midnight-pluto]

SPOILED!MEGUMI — headcanons

megumi was raised by gojo, he’s bound to be spoiled one way or another

CHAR: megumi fushiguro, satoru gojo

PAIRING(S): megumi fushiguro x gn!reader (can be read as platonic)

A/N: this is a topic that isn’t discussed enough, so I’m writing it and potentially going to elaborate on some more later

i would like to start off by saying i do not intend to paint megumi in a negative light by saying he’s spoiled — but i do intend on putting him in a goofy one

to be honest, megumi isn't that self-aware as he seems

y'all seen that one episode that inspired this post where yuji and nobara freak out over the price of gojo's shirt and question whether it's with tax or not and megumi deadass asks if tax matters? yea interpret that as you will

there is a decent chance that he doesn’t necessarily understand the value of money very well, which probably has something to do with the Gojo effect™️

ngl he probably said ‘print more money’ once and got attacked for it so he never said it again

but he's also so lowkey about it too like you would have never guessed that this boy would be as materialistic as gojo is

like he wears the same shit gojo does that's really expensive quality but doesn't have the brand name plastered onto it since he finds it tacky so you'll just never know unless he exclusively tells you

he also does have a talent of knowing what is good quality and what isn't; he would do great for those cheap vs. expensive videos

can also spot knock-offs from a mile away but never says anything about it since he doesn't have enough in him to care about that kind of stuff

so the first time both of you — including yuji and nobara — hangout at the mall and when you ask what he plans on getting and he just replies with something along the lines of new shoes so just imagine the collective shock between you all when he makes a beeline towards prada

"My boots got ruined last mission so I plan on getting a new pair."

"Okay, what store are you gonna be in so we can find you later?"

"Prada."

"Bitch what the fuck did you just say."

you didn't know what hurt more, megumi not telling any of you about the fact that he was loaded or his absolute nonchalance about the situation

and due to the amount of shock all of you were in, you all followed megumi like little ducklings bcuz his casual nonchalance about it was concerning

he was slightly embarrassed but found it easier to just pretend the rest of you weren't there during his hunt for new boots

it was also quite nerve wracking for you all since yuji only buys things from walmart and though nobara has expensive taste, she knows how to budget while you stay away from all things worth more than rent out of fear of damaging anything and having to pay for it

so it was safe to assume that it looked liked a bunch of kindergarteners in a line following their chaperone during a school field trip — just a lot more quieter and careful which cannot be said for every outing much to megumi’s dismay

megumi didn't take that long before picking out a pair that he liked and began to pay for under three pairs of wide eyes due to the sole fact that he pulled out a black card in order to pay for it

"Don't worry, it's Gojo's."

that statement did not help the situation at all

it also caused the three of you to demand why he isn't spending that money on you all to which his reply is just a deadpan: 'you never asked.'

i feel like this also extends to his taste in food as well

like when you suggest to head to the food court in the mall since yuji was getting hungry; this man has the audacity to disaprove since he doesn't like the taste

now that reasoning isn't the problem, the problem is that he suggests to eat at some expensive ass place an hour away because he was craving it and it was one of the only places gojo introduced to him as a kid which he actually liked

though he was forced to toss the idea aside due to the fact that there was no way you all could split the bill that way and you all weren’t that patient enough to walk an hour all the way to a restaurant you couldn’t even afford

it’s not that megumi didn’t offer to pay, he did, nobara just didn’t like the feeling of having to owe someone

that is until Gojo stumbles across his students and decides to get them food at the same exact place megumi suggested

A/N: writing this made me hungry

#rin’s headcanon’s 🌷 #spoiled!megumi #megumi x reader #megumi x you #megumi x y/n #megumi x gn!reader #megumi x gn reader #megumi x gender neutral reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x gender neutral reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro x you #megumi fushiguro x gn reader #megumi fluff #jjk fanfic