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trigunsbbygirl · 1 year

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Human Things that Confuse Knives

silly little things that us humans do or have that Knives finds weird or confusing. he's probably ooc since in reality he probably wouldn't care but he loves and cares you so<3

also Legato shows up once and you and him are best friends(Also probably ooc all I know is that he has blue hair and pronouns)

•the personification of objects he's watched you bump into tables or walls and most of the time you'd turn around and?? apologize? or even telling a pencil that was rolling to stay

•Knives asked you about it one day, stating in a pretty patronizing way that those objects aren't alive. you just kinda look at him for a second, before looking away, "huh, I don't know, I've never really thought about it, I just kinda? say it without thinking."

•even more confused if you have a stuffed animal that you talk to.

you're working on a little project, mumbling to yourself every now and then, when you sit up and turn towards your plush, "what do you think?"

Knives watches as you stay silent and he's about to ask what you mean when you nod assuredly, turning back to your project saying, "I think it's stupid too."

he stares at your back with a confused maybe even offended look as you work. did you just ask for it's opinion? hello? he's right there to answer questions and give you opinions! he blinks before looking away, no he's not slightly jealous, he's just very confused.)

•if you follow the 5 second rule, ngl, he's gonna think you're gross, even if the floor was just cleaned. if you're about to eat it, he's grabbing your wrist and snatching it with a napkin telling you not to eat it.

"aww, but our cat will eat off the floor sometimes," you say teasing him.

Knives scowls at you before turning and walking away. "Have some dignity." (he tries hard to ignore the way you burst out laughing.)

•the way humans just kinda forget things once in a while.

you walked into your shared bedroom, looking like you're about to ask him something, when your face just blanks. Knives is about to ask what you need when your eyebrows furrow as you say, "I was gonna ask you something, but I forgot what. oh well, I'll be back later when I remember."

and you're gone just like, as Knives stares at where you just were. It's only five seconds later when you're running back in asking him if he's free the next day.

•Knives knows to a degree that humans forget things, he's seen Conrad forget about things every now and then, but he kinda chalked it up to old age? so seeing you forget something every once in a while(or maybe even regularly) worries him a bit.

•Conrad has to assure him that this is just a normal human thing that can be worse for some. Knives doesn't quite believe it at first, but as long as you're safe and okay, that there's really nothing serious going, then he'll calm down. if you do have poor short term memory then he'll start giving you small reminders. "Have you taken your medicine yet?" "you have a meeting in a half hour."

•drinks or foods causing you to have nightmares or really weird dreams.

you were tossing and turning in bed and it was starting to get on Knives' nerves.

"why can't you fall asleep?" he askes when you turn around once more.

you sit up and look at him, replying, "I'm a bit hungry, I guess I didn't have enough dinner."

Knives raises an eyebrow, "why don't you go make a snack then?"

"I tend to get weird nightmares whenever I eat before sleeping," you respond nonchalantly, as if it wasn't one of the weirdest things you just said.

his eyebrows furrow in confusion at that. "what do you mean?"

"exactly what I said. I don't know, it's just something that happens to a lot of people. pretty weird, right?" he only nods in agreement.

•irrational fears. Knives knows those fears aren't something you can completely control, and he knows you know that they're irrational, but it still confuses him. he doesn't dwell on it much though, they're called irrational fears for a reason.

•sharing foods or drinks (especially if it tastes bad) Knives thinks it's pretty gross, you're basically sharing germs.

one time you had ordered a drink from a little shop in a town that Knives was 'visiting' even though he directly told you to stay in the truck.

when he and Legato come back with the plant, you're there idly sipping the drink and he glares at you. "I thought I told you to stay in the truck. what is that?"

you just hum, pulling the drink into your view to look at replying, "yeah I got thirsty so I bought this drink, but it tastes pretty bad. you wanna try it?"

Knives glare hardens, even though there's no real malice behind it. "of course not. why are you still drinking it?

"because I'm thirsty," you reply in a deadpan tone. you then turn towards Legato, gesturing to the drink. "you wanna try it?"

Legato stares at you for a second, before taking the drink. he takes a drink and his face immediately scrunches up in disgust, "ugh this tastes horrible."

there's a pause before he takes one last sip before handing it back to you as you laugh. "it really does! but it's so bad it's good isn't it? you're really missing out Knives!"

Knives rolls his eyes. he doesn't think he'll ever understand the curiosity and the urge to try things even if it may be horrible.

(he eyes you every time you feed the cat because he's heard you say 'hm I wonder what cat food tastes like.' you haven't tried it yet and he hopes the stare he's burning into your head will keep you from trying.)

(also, Vash on the other hand would eagerly take a sip before going bleuugh why would you make me try this;( )

•allergies themselves don't confuse him. in fact it furthers his ideal that humans are weak and inferior beings. it's how you ignore your allergies to eat or drink what you shouldn't. you know it'll make you miserable later so why? Knives will not comfort or care for you once your symptoms kick up, you brought this upon yourself even with his warnings.

•however! if you have a very serious or deadly food allergy, he will become very careful and stern with you. no, you can't have a taste or even a lick, even if it only causes you minor discomfort, Knives won't risk it. he's always making sure you have your epipen with you. he'll also double check food or medicine and read over the ingredients list to make sure. you're his human and you already have such a limited time together, he doesn't want to lose you to such a seemingly small thing.

(Also rip if you're allergic to UV rays, good luck on that planet. Knives might just keep you inside most of the time;( )

•this isn't something that really happens on Gunsmoke, but a person joints or bones hurting when the weather is about to change. when you woke up in the morning, you went out to the living room giving Knives a good morning before yawning.

he only gives a hum and as your stretching you say, "I think it's gonna rain soon."

Knives raises an eyebrow at that, looking out the window to see how gloomy it is. "what makes you say that?" he asks it in a bit of a sarcastic way.

"my legs hurt," you say joining him on the couch.

"what does that have to do with the weather?"

"oh something to do with the barometric pressure changing that affects your muscles or whatever."

Knives blinks. he didn't know that and part of his mind goes back to how humans really are weak, but he let's it pass. "I see." human bodies are odd he thinks.

•speaking of injuries/pain, Knives once encountered a man that was running from him trip and tumble down a rather long cliff. Knives walked to the cliff edge expecting to see the man's broken, unmoving body, however he's taken aback to see the man pretty much unscathed (apart from maybe some bruises and scratches.) the man gave himself a once over, looking up at Knives and then running away.

Knives thinks about that moment every once in a while, but especially now as you're talking about how one of the scientists broke their wrist tripping down the stairs. he's thinks a lot about it, how can human bodies be so weak yet also be so durable? he'll never admit he thought of that last part though

•mimicry. or like picking up habits from other people you hang out with. Knives never really payed attention to it when around the people who work under him, but he definitely notices how your speech patterns or body language change or grow over time. a small smirk appears on his face when he hears or sees you have picked up something from him and a bit of pride sparking within him.

it doesn't actually confuse, he supposes it's a way of connecting or natural thing, he just finds it a bit amusing. (until you've picked up an annoying word of catchphrase lol)(thinking of an isekai and you keep saying things that make no sense to literally everyone there. wtf does pog mean)

•running up to something in a shop window or even on the ground just because it's shiny. you look at whatever caught your eye for a couple of seconds before nodding and going back to Knives' side. he doesn't know what it is with you and shiny things.

#trigun headcanons #millions knives x reader #knives x reader #trigun x reader #i wouldve done a vash one but hes had more contact with humans #he just got used to it over time #Knives thinks you're a weird human #but you're his weird human<3

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shaunamilfman · 7 months

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Dating Lottie in the Wilderness HC's

got a req for dating Lottie in the wilderness and couldn't decide whether to do dating before crash or not, so I just wrote some for both.

Dating before crash

absolute first person she looks for after the crash. if you weren't already outside the plane she'd go running back in. you would have to drag her back out with you.

she wouldn't leave your side for days afterwards. you'd have to plead with her to leave you alone long enough to go to the bathroom. "i can turn around 🥰🥰". "leaveeeeee"

i think she might be a little emotionally distant though. i think she blames herself at least partly for the plane crash since her dad chartered it. it's super irrational but she has such a martyr complex. you'd have to spend some time reassuring her that no one blames her for the crash before she'd relax about it.

she'd also have a lot going on with the whole running out of pills thing. i can't even imagine how awful it would be knowing what's going to happen as you slowly run out of your medication. obviously you'd comfort her about if but there's only so much you can do.

after you're in the woods for a while Lottie wouldn't feel the need to hide your relationship anymore and would talk to you about telling the others. not that you guys were doing a great job of hiding it before. honestly, there's only so many loving glances one 'friendship' can survive.

"i don't know what you're talking about, me and Lottie are just friends". Van's like "maybe someone should tell Lottie that??". Lottie across the room, "😍🥰😍"

having someone who knew about Lottie's condition before she went full cult leader would make a big difference, but I think the end result would ultimately be the same.

i don't think anyone but Lottie, Mari, and maybe Van actually believe in the whole wilderness thing. I think everyone else just had to believe in it to justify what did, so even if you knew about Lottie I don't think running interference would change all that much.

you'd ground Lottie a lot though. i think it would mean a lot to her to have someone who still saw her as a person, and not some kind of prophet. you'd sneak around a lot in the woods to fool around and just be with each other.

thinking about sneaking away from the cabin with Lottie to hook up and running into taivan out in the woods. an everlasting moment of silence before you turn to Lottie and are like "guess this tree is taken"

as inseparable as you guys were before the crash you'd be even worse in the woods. thinking about walking out to Lottie's cult tree and standing awkwardly off to the side while she does her little sacrifices. maybe you don't believe in the wilderness shit immediately, but you still don't like to be out of sight of each other.

Just teammates before the crash

you and lottie didn't know each other all that well. occasionally you shared a laugh at a party or a knowing look during one of Jackie's 'pep talks', but nothing more than that.

you wouldn't interact all that much till the cabin. you didn't really understand Lottie's fear of it, but you hung back with her outside because you didn't want to leave her alone.

you'd sit there in comfortable silence for a while until you had to go inside to sleep. after that though Lottie would start to come to you to talk about her visions because she knows you wouldn't judge her like the rest of them.

she'd still lean primarily on Laura Lee for obvious reasons, but after Laura Lee dies she leans heavily on you. you'd spend a lot of time just sitting with her as she grieved.

as it starts to get colder Lottie asks you to sleep closer to her in the cabin, trying to justify it with the temperature. you'd wake up every morning with her pressed tightly against you, watching as you slept. (platonically, of course)

i think you might pull away a bit after doomcoming to process all that crazy shit that happened, and start to avoid Lottie in the process.

she'd follow you out into the woods after a while and you'd get into an argument that culminates in the two of you getting together.

i think you'd still ground Lottie a lot, but without the background knowledge you'd probably buy into the cult at least somewhat. being at ground zero with Lottie and watching as her visions build up it would be hard not to believe in her, especially with everything else that's going on.

following Lottie while she does her blood sacrifices and bandaging her hand with a cloth scrap, and gently pressing a kiss to it afterwards.

i think dating Lottie in the wilderness would probably alienate you a lot from the other girls, especially if you weren't already dating pre-crash. either because they're jealous of you, or because they think you're crazy for believing in her. they hold Lottie on such a high pedestal that it's hard for anyone else to measure up.

Lottie wouldn't care what the other girls think though, and she'd tell you not to either. you're her gift from the wilderness after all, and she doesn't love anything more than she loves you.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #lottie matthews x reader

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sirgogington · 2 months

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My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation.

I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be.

Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person. It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened.

I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better.

Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know.

For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume. Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

#wilbur soot #lovejoy

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eleni-cherie · 7 months

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a thief's end ✨ || bts • myg - chapter 1.7

"so eager to be in a headlock again?" "only if it's by you."

»»»

masterlist: here

— genre: thief au, gangster comedy, adventure, romcom, humour, angst, fluff, sexual tensiON, slowburn, mutual pining, strangers to lovers s2l

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. CHARACTERS NOT NECESSARILY LIKE THE REAL PERSONS. ALSO VERY UNREALISTIC PLOT LOL - JUST PRETEND READING A MANGA/COMIC OR WATCHING A FILM, REALLY.

SUGGESTIVE THEMES. MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE & BLOOD (BUT NOTHING TOO GRAPHIC, IT'S STILL A COMEDY!)

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Seoul, South Korea

"Here, see?" The golden key was shining under the light of a street lamp as Soyeon held it out for Yoongi. With furrowed brows, he took it from her grip. Inspecting it from all sides. "And you sure it got something to do with your grandfather's secret double life?" Shrugging, she took it back and shoved it into her pocket. "Most likely, it was hidden behind a photo after all." "But you don't have a clue where the lock is.." She shook her head disappointingly. "No, but I'll visit my grandma again next week and hopefully I'll find some clue." He hummed, peeking at her. "Don't do something irrational though." "Like what?" she asked puzzled. "Like going after it on your own." She scoffed at his grin. Getting the implication. "Don't worry, I learned my lesson."

The sky was tinted a dark blue shade when they reached Soyeon's apartment building. It had thankfully stopped raining awhile ago, the clouds having cleared up enough to reveal the crescent in the night sky.

She yawned, rummaging her keys out of her jacket's pockets. "Suddenly I feel so tired, probably 'cause you woke me up so early," she whined, hearing Yoongi laugh behind her. "Don't make such a fuss out of it, it was just once," he said then with a straight face, "Just go to sleep early." "Oh, I will. I'll probably crash as soon as I step foot inside." He smiled softly. It was fascinating how someone so short like her was able to contain so many facettes in her. She could be so strong and fierce, confronting and calling him out and then, then she was also this sweet, almost childlike person who was terribly grumpy in the morning. "Goodnight, Soyeon." He stepped back, walking backwalks. "Call me if there's anything." The cool night breeze made him shiver lightly, and he dug his hands further into his pockets. About to turn around when Soyeon's hand tugged on his biker jacket, making him stop in his tracks. He looked over his shoulder, seeing her eyes sparkling at him with imploration.

"Stay." He huffed a breath, knowing he'd only get more attached to her than he already was and it'd be unfair to both of them. "I don't think -" "Then stop thinking," she deadpanned, her grip becoming firmer along with her gaze. Only for her eyes to soften again. "Just for a day. Stay." Her quiet, pleading tone making his chest clench. Her voice almost cracking at the end as she feared he'd just slip through her fingertips again if she let go. "On monday we'll part company, me going to work and you to Japan, pretending as if nothing had ever happened. So just for one day.. for one day let's pretend being normal.. so you can see how overrated it is."

Yoongi's eyes filled with a strange mix of sorrow and longing at her words. A delusion, nothing more, he thought, but still tempting. To be normal for a day with her, doing things normal people did together before parting ways the day after tomorrow. "And besides.." she spoke up, lips curling into a playful smirk when she came up with another reason, "What if the bad guys show up again?"

He laughed under his breath, knowing very well she wasn't actually believing her words. It was her simple attempt to convince him, the same way she had done back then in Taiwan. It was their little inside code. When she used it, he couldn't deny her anything. That was the unspoken rule between them.

"You said normal, huh?" A rueful smile grazing his lips then, seeing her eyes beaming with hope. And he couldn't refuse anything when she looked at him like this. So he eventually nodded, grabbing her hand that was slowly loosening its grip on him, holding it tightly. "Let's be normal for a day then."

»»»

The next morning Soyeon woke up in the same position she had fallen asleep in. Only Yoongi was missing beside her. With a sigh, she propped herself up on her hand. Rubbing her eyes as she pushed the covers away.

Of course he didn't stay, why was she surprised?

However, 'surprised' wasn't the right word, perhaps 'disappointed' fit better. She was disappointed, but not surprised.

Her eyes fell on the clock on her nightstand. 11:46am. Well, at least he hadn't made any loud noises when leaving, allowing her to actually sleep in this time and rest. With a grunt, she made her away out of the bedroom, trying not to dwell too much in her self-pitying. It was alright, no big deal. The only man she ever had feelings for, would never let her get too close because of his commitment issues. Cool, cool, cool.

Scratching her cheek, still dizzy from sleep, she made her way to the kitchen. Taking a seat on a chair, she mindlessly picked up a tangerine from the fruit basket in front of her and unpeeled it, sliding a wedge into her mouth. Followed by another.

Maybe she should simply accept things instead of trying forcing something that couldn't be.

She began unpeeling another tangerine when her thoughts got interrupted by a clicking sound. Startled, the tengarine almost dropped from her hand when seeing Yoongi suddenly appearing in front of her. Droplets falling from his wet hair, rolling down his face and bare chest and a towel wrapped around his hips. Lowering her polaroid camera with a grin. "Now I also got a memento."

Her eyes grew round as she was trying processing what he was talking about, taking in the view in front of her. How did he manage coming so near without her even noticing? "You.. are still here?" He frowned at this as he waved the photo in his hand. "Where did you think I was?" She shrugged, slowly munching on another wedge and looking away. "I don't know.." Taking a look on the photo of her morning self mindlessly eating a tangerine he smiled, resting his eyes on her then. Understanding what she was implying. And it'd be a lie to say he hadn't actually contemplated leaving when waking up. However, then he looked down at her sleeping self drooling onto his shirt and he'd realised he didn't want to be anywhere else but there with her in his arms. Even if it was for just one day. The only reason he'd slipped out of bed after all was because he'd needed to use the bathroom.

"No, there wasn't anywhere else I needed to be," he truthfully said then while taking a tangerine himself, unpeeling his fruit and slipping several wedges between his lips. "Good to know," she smiled shyly to which he smiled as well. He coughed then and pointed at her shirt which was another way too large and baggy shirt that looked more like a dress on her small frame and which was secretly driving him insane of how great she looked in it. "You got another one of these?" She looked down, realising he needed something to wear since he didn't have anything but his clothes from the previous day. So she got up and walked out of the kitchen, hearing him trailing behind her towards the bedroom.

"I got a few actually," she giggled and opened her wardrobe, revealing her neatly folded clothes. She stretched herself then, getting on her tiptoes to reach the higher shelves where the large t-shirts were. Managing pulling one out, only for several others to drop on her head. Making Yoongi chuckle amused, picking them up from her face. "Why does a short person like you have such high shelves?" he grinned teasingly causing her to scoff. Playfully shoving the shirt she had drawn out onto his chest. "Got many clothes. And besides.. I'm not that short," she mumbled, his grin only growing wider. "You're tiny." Before she could retort something, he pecked her pout taking her aback. "But I don't mind." Her pout only grew at this, pushing him aside to leave the suffocating presence of his half-naked body. Hearing him laugh behind her and she paused, ready to counter a smart remark when her eyey caught something else instead.

"What's this?"

Her voice small, almost a whisper behind him when he felt her fingertips tracing over a specific spot on his shoulder. Causing him to briefly grow stiff under her touch. Having forgotten about it as he wasn't able to see it there. Out of sight out of mind.

"It's.. an old scar." "I see that.. but from what?" He shook his head, dragging a sigh as he looked down at the shirt in his hands. "It's dumb and nothing to worry about. I.. I was just young and careless." It was embarrassing to admit it out loud or even look at her. Her fingers retreating from the unevenness on his shoulderblade, sensing it still laying heavy on his heart. "I get it. You don't have to tell me more." He shrugged, fumbling with the shirt in his hands. "It was when I first joined the guys on heists. I didn't pay enough attention once and the opponent took advantage of it. That's it. It hasn't happened again ever since, I made sure of it." She swallowed, her eyes still fixated on the light streak on his pale skin. "Is this why you insisted on Cassandra taking care of my wound?"

He folded his lips, biting down on them when remembering that day. It felt like an eternity ago when he had found her in that restroom stall covered by cuts and bruises. A hot range rushing down his veins at the memory. "I didn't want you to get such a scar as well.." She subconsciously touched the skin under her bangs. Not really able feeling anything, but she knew it was there. The light streak, smaller but similar to his. "Did you also get stitches?" He laughed dryly. "Yeah, but only after a day. Cas was so pissed I didn't tell her earlier. Perhaps if I did it wouldn't have been as visible.." Soyeon hummed. Cassandra's words back then finally making sense to her now.

He felt her arms wrapping around his torso then, holding him tight as her cheek pressed against his spine. And he smiled at her warmth, covering her hands with his. "It's fine. I forgot about it anyway." She quietly let go again. Ready to go back to her tangerines when he suddenly pointed at something in the corner of the room. "Why you got a microphone?" Her eyes followed the direction his finger was pointing at, seeing her little set-up in the corner. He was changing topics, shifting the attention to her. She knew that and still played along. "Ah, to record demos after writing the lyrics." He turned around, shooting her an inquiring glance. "So you can also sing?" "A little bit, maybe," she shrugged, "Just enough for demos."

Yoongi pulled the shirt over his head, slipping it over his torso. Pushing back the strands of black hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. "If you can sing, why didn't you become a singer then?" he wondered out loud, not hiding the genuine curiosity. And it only grew when he saw her acting weird. Her eyes avoiding his as she let out a forced laugh. "Guess I just wasn't pretty enough to become one." Yoongi's brows furrowed at this, lips slightly parting since only more questions arose from her words. "Said who?" Clear irriation in his voice. Soyeon shrugged, pretending being nonchalant about it as she quickly turned around and headed to the door before he could manage looking through her facade. "People, I guess. It really doesn't matter anymore."

And a lump formed in her throat when she sat down at the kitchen table and she grabbed another tangerine. Unpeeling and shoving it between her lips in an attempt to swollow that lump. Although she had overcome it by now and knew the opinions and comments of those people back then didn't matter, it still hurt whenever she was reminded of those times.

She didn't need to look to know Yoongi came closer, eventually taking out a chair and sitting down beside her. The two remaining silent as she passed him a tangerine. Him wordlessly accepting it. He knew he must've hit a nerve when making her bring up this old story. But what upset him more was the thought how it seemed to still trigger something in her. He could tell by her usually sparkly eyes staring dully ahead.

"You know.." he slowly began then, peeking at her before focusing back on his tangerine, "That night back then, the night we met for the second time.." The girl perked up at this and she looked at him, questioning why he'd bring this up now. Watching him slide a wedge between his lips, waiting for him to continue. "You had that black dress on and then you turned around and you looked at me with this intense glare. You know what I thought?" The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. Feeling warm at that memory. "What?" "That you looked quite different from what I remembered you from our first encounter." She laughed under her breath, shaking her head when remembering her running through the streets of Tainan in 40°C in nothing but her pyjama shorts and shirt. She must've looked insane. "That's what make-up and different clothes do, you know? Make you look different."

The guy huffed a smile at her smartass remark. Glancing at her side-profile then, he took in her every feature that was peeking behind black strands of hair falling onto her pixie-like face. The big brown eyes that resembled those of a curious cat, the cute straight nose that got hidden behind her hands whenever she got shy, the plum pouty lips where she'd stick her tongue out by habit.. How'd anyone think of her of not pretty enough? "You know what else I thought though?" She hummed, munching on the last piece of tangerine. "I thought you looked insanely beautiful." Soyeon almost choked on the fruit in her mouth, coughing frantically. And he patted her back to help her before she eventually managed swallowing it down. Taking a deep breath then, she shot him a lopsided smirk. "You really liked that dress, huh?" "It haunts me in my dreams." His serious tone followed by a wide cheeky grin made her fall into a fit of giggles.

She completely forgot about her gloomy mood, not able to contain her bubbly laugh and he laughed along with her. It had seemed worth confessing this little secret after all, she was smiling again.

Soyeon bit down her lips then, her laughs simmering down. Giggling lightly to herself then, she stretched her hands over the white table top. "You know what I thought when seeing you that night?" "No, what?" "Well, first of all I thought 'fck, I hope this guy doesn't plan to mug me'." It was his turn to burst out laughing and she smiled widely at this. Enjoying the sound of his laughter and the way his eyes formed crescends before he'd screw them shut. When he wasn't this serious and concerned guy, but just normal and carefree Yoongi. "And what was your second thought?" he asked with amusement. "'Fck, he's hot'." And an anew fit of laughter errupted from his lips and he threw his head back as he held his stomach. And Soyeon playfully hit his arm, stifling a laugh. "I mean it!" "I know, I know," he said in between as the chuckles became deeper and quieter. Pinching his nose they eventually dyed down and he held her gaze with a gentle smile then. "And I meant what I said as well." Nodding, she gave him a smile as well. Thankful of him reminding her again that those comments from back then didn't matter anymore and perhaps never had. "I know."

And for the rest of the day, they did what they had intended to. Spending the day together, just like normal people would. They played cards, arguing over who won as he kept winning. Making Soyeon complain that he'd be card counting to which Yoongi promised he didn't, although he could. Mentioning the countless times the gang had gambled in casinos around the world. And she'd listen to his stories in awe, asking for more. And they cooked or rather he did and she was just assisting. And they watched a film cuddled on the couch. And they kissed. And they laughed some more. And they kissed some more. And they made out. And eventually, they fell asleep in each other's arms only to wake up again from the nap and do it all over again.

They did everything two lovers would. But they weren't lovers. It hurt. But that was how things were. For the moment, at least. So they were happy about having that one day, where they could at least pretend.

And at the end of the day they laid in bed and he held her in his arms, fingers dancing over her smooth skin in an attempt to sooth his thoughts running wild. Pensive eyes resting at the dark ceiling above them and focusing on the warmth her body was providing under the covers. Feeling her heavy eyes fluttering close with her cheek pressed against his chest.His heartbeat in her ears lulling her. And as she drifted off to sleep, her smaller hand subconsciously gripped his shirt to prevent him from disappearing the next morning, although she knew he would.

"Goodnight, Yoongi." "Goodnight, angel."

»»»

When Soyeon's alarm went off on monday morning she woke up to an empty bed. Only now she knew he wouldn't appear with nothing but a towel and a polaroid camera again. She knew he had indeed left this time. And her chest ached, despite her knowing he had to.

The only evidence of the past weekend not having been a delusional dream was a piece of paper from her notepad she found on the nightstand. Her lips curled into a sad smile when picking it up. Heart full and yet so empty.

"I'll come back, I promise."

»»»

Kyoto, Japan

Jimin opened the door with a beaming face when seeing Yoongi standing there in front of their hide-out. A known tired look on the older guy's face after hours on the road and that in disguise. Even after so many years he still despised it because of how warm it could be under those masks. And then having to take the plane to Osaka and from Osaka the train to Kyoto. And on top of that he had to leavd Soyeon behind.

Naturally, he wasn't on his best mood. And Jimin could tell but that didn't keep him from giving him a welcoming hug and pulling him inside where Taehyung was currently slurping on a big portion of instant ramen. Brows raising from over the cup when seeing their friend.

He quickly stuffed the last noodles inside his mouth before swallowing and throwing him a wide grin. "Took you long enough, how was it at your parents'?" "Good," Yoongi simply nodded, letting his bag and katana slide from his shoulders he left them aside before joining him on the couch. He didn't feel like going too much into detail but overall it had been good. The whole weekend, in fact. And he had to bite back a smile. "So what's the plan?"

"Well," Jimin appeared from behind them, jumping over the couch's back and landing next to him in a swift move, "We already checked out that dude's mansion last night." "Quite the fancy place," Taehyung mused nodding, "Newest security systems and stuff." Yoongi hummed, tapping his finger on his knee. Nothing that they hadn't expected already. "I'll go check it out tonight as well. You guys got the blueprints?" "Not yet, I'll get them by tonight though," Jimin assured him while picking up his own cup of warm noodles that he had left on the table. Digging into it. "You know I ain't going there on Friday if I don't memorise every corner." Yoongi's gaze wandered between his two friends for a moment, dragging a sigh then. Maybe it was simply his mind being tired, but from the information they had gathered on the men inviting them, this might be a whole different level of their previous adventures. "You think we can make it?"

Jimin and Taehyung simultaneously paused eating, frowning at him. "We always make it." "And besides, we got an advantage." The older guy arched a curious brow at this. "Which is?" Jimin smirked with a wink. "They only know of me and Tae since we were the ones crashing the party." The noodles slid from his chopsticks as he pointed them at Yoongi. "They don't know about you." Taehyung leaned forward, joining in with a smir. "So we still got an ace up our sleeve."

Yoongi's eyes widened, not having thought about that. "You sure about this? They might know about me after all?" "I'm always sure about the things I say," Jimin huffed with mock-offence. Redirecting his attention to his ramen.

And Yoongi smiled with a nod. His eyes falling on the polaroid photo he slid out from his pocket.

Perhaps he'd be able keeping his promise after all.

»»»

next chapter: 1.8 here

Don't forget to like, reblog & leave feedback! ♡ It motivates me to keep writing :)

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nova-alien-rants · 4 days

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sometimes it can be really fucking scary to achieve the things you've always wanted.

i think i need to put this out there not just for myself, but for anyone else who may be having a hard time coping with change in their lives, even if it's for the greater good.

this past wednesday was genuinely a really hard day for me. like, really really fucking hard. one of my best and oldest friend bailed on me along with her entire family which i considered to be my own, my parents acted disgusting toward my brother and tried pulling the same shit on me, i came back to my dorm after 40 minutes of driving to discover someone came into my room and touched my shit, and then had some stupid freshman act like a brat when i brought it up to the RAs. i haven't felt as low in a LONG time as i did by the end of that day.

but while i was driving back to campus, feeling completely alone and like i had no one to talk to, my grandparents ended up calling just to chat. i was crying so hard that i couldn't stop myself and spilled everything that had happened to me that day, and to my surprise, they were... really nice. they comforted me and even offered for me to move in with them once they get settled in their new house. i told them i felt really worried about how my parents would take the news of me moving, but my grandma said not to worry about that and she'll take care of it. for once i'm actually glad the people in this family are crazy.

all i've ever dreamed about for as long as i can remember is getting away from my parents. no longer living with them, no longer being controlled by them, no longer being physically and mentally broken down by them. my life goal has been to break free from my parents permanently. not a career, not material possessions, none of those things can ever come close to that goal. but now that it's happening, i'm filled with a kind of fear i've never experienced. there's so much uncertainty about literally everything in my life now.

will this thing with my grandparents' house even work out? how will my parents react to it? how am i going to manage to move all my shit into my grandparents' house even if i am able to stay there? what will happen when next semester starts? if i move in with my grandparents, my parents will cut me off financially and i won't have any help paying for my university tuition and/or housing. how will i finish my degree? how will i be able to afford going to graduate school? how will i pay for my medical bills?

i know in time all of these questions will become trivial, and i'll be able to look back eventually and be able to laugh about the fact that i was ever worried. the universe always works in my favor, even if i can't see it at the time. things always seem to have a funny way of working out but it's scary in the moment to not know what's going to happen. i'm a person who desperately craves stability and concrete plans in order to function, so all this uncertainty is... a lot to deal with.

but i think all this is happening so i can shed my old life and start another chapter in which i can finally heal for good and stay that way. even if our old lives suck, we can get used to them anyway and changing them can be absolutely terrifying. i think that's why leaving one's comfort zone can feel so hard. we don't know what to expect, so how are we supposed to protect ourselves in the event that something goes wrong? but i've come to believe that things don't go wrong, they simply don't go the way we expected them to. and that's scary, but it's also okay to sit with that fear. everything happens for a reason.

i'm not one of those people who will say to just "be happy" under circumstances such as these, even when your feelings may seem irrational and/or confusing to you. we're human, we're not fucking robots. we can't go through life stone-faced. change is hard. it's scary. it's overwhelming and full of so many questions no one may ever have the answers for. it's okay to take some time to cry, to scream, to get those feelings out. our brains are trying to keep us safe, and it's our job to let our brains express themselves. not every feeling has to be rationalized. it doesn't all have to make sense. sometimes it's okay to Just Be.

i personally believe that the world would be a much better place if we all took more time for ourselves to really feel our shit, because that's the only way it's going to get processed and let go. if you're someone like me whose BPD makes every feeling seem like a nightmare straight from hell, or whose alexithymia confuses you about what you're even feeling, that's okay too. again, you don't have to have all the answers. let yourself cry. let yourself lie on the floor. let yourself engage in your comfort activities. let yourself rest.

change isn't supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. it's hard work, but it will all be worth it in the end. after every single one of my darkest times, i found myself shining brighter than i ever did previously. i don't know why we have to go through certain experiences, but it will all make sense one day. every single person on this earth has trauma, even if they may not have been abused or deal with a form of a post traumatic disorder. we're all just oversized children who are scared and need a hand to hold as they navigate life. we're human, and we're allowed to feel. we're going to get through this.

there's a reason why people say bravery is being scared while doing it anyway. change really is fucking scary, regardless of how good it may be for us. i'm going to keep saying it. hold your breath and do the thing anyway. let yourself be scared. feel that fear. make room for it and live with it. your brain loves you and is trying to protect you, even if it seems misguided. it's doing its best to be there for you, so you may as well at least humor it, right? how beautiful is it that your brain loves you enough to constantly try and protect you, regardless of the circumstance? i think it deserves love back. love those parts of you which have always loved you.

you're going to make it. you love you.

#trauma #mental health #healing #healing journey #self improvement #positivity #ptsd #ptsd recovery #borderline personality disorder #bpd #alexithymia #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #neurodiversity #autism #autism positivity #spirituality #spiritual growth #self love

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pxlvrxs · 1 year

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kyle 'gaz' garrick headcanons

a/n; just some of my random headcanons about gaz because he is severely underrated. kind of a mixture of normal and relationship headcanons

srsly this man is so pretty but hardly anyone writes for him. i'm living off crumbs over here. :(

rating; sfw

w/c; 500~

definitely has one older sister he's really close too. she's about three years older than him. even as kids they got along really well and she's definitely his rock.

because of her and his other sisters, he totally knows how to braid hair. definitely got roped into it on multiple occasions because their arms would get tired.

more on siblings, i firmly believe this man has a big family-- i mean like huge. and the age range is crazy. he has two older siblings and three younger ones. his oldest sibling is 31 and the youngest is 17. and don't get me started on the pets.

(he babies the hell out of the youngest. not even because he tries to, it just comes naturally)

speaking of that, absolutely wants kids. but being totally realistic, he knows it's probably never gonna happen. even if he leaves 141 to take a less risky job, he knows he has enemies and wouldn't dare endanger his kids. its hard enough for him to date without feeling like he's putting a target on his s/o's back.

as much as i love this man, he is definitely a dog person. probably has some irrational fear of cats because of an incident when he was a kid. (now that he's grown, he knows he upset the cat and earned it, but still refuses to own one to this day)

he can't have one when he's living alone, but if his s/o is a civilian, they get one as soon as they move in together.

bonus points if its a surprise from his partner. he would be so happy to come home to a dog one day

(can yall how much i like that hc lmfao)

absolute wimp when it comes to coffee and tea. cannot take either black. whenever he makes tea he adds sugar cubes or honey. with his coffee it has to have at least some type of flavored creamer. he also hates iced tea with a passion.

(also enjoys those starbucks drinks that are pretty much all sugar, but will never admit it.)

massive sweet tooth. probably has a fast metabolism too, he was one of those kids who could eat an entire cake and still be hungry

maybe im projecting, but he gives me 90s rap, classic rock, and modern R&B vibes

once called football 'soccer' in front of Price just to mess with him, and to this day Gaz has never seen the man so disappointed

maybe this is a tiktok thing but i've seen alot of people infantilize him? like portraying him as immature because he's younger and his relationship with price.

he does joke around (thats already canon) and he is probably the youngest on 141, but i firmly believe that's because of how mature he is.

like the guy is physically and mentally capable enough to be in the SAS.

a lot of the maturity is from being from a big family, he did end up parenting his younger siblings sometimes.

he's also just a really strong-willed person. he looked up to soldiers for most of his life and knew early on that's what he wanted to do.

definitely isn't the type to let relationships fizzle out or go sour from a lack of communication. he's pretty emotionally intelligent and can sense when there's a problem.

isn't big on PDA; he'll do hand-holding and pecks on the lip/cheek, but never anything heavy.

#.pxlvrxs #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #call of duty #modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod #.my writing #.headcanons

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autisticjoys · 2 months

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Inside Out 2: Thoughts and Speculations (long post)

New Emotions: Why Them and Why Now?

While the trailer has only shown 1 of the 4 new emotions, the comments got me thinking about why these specific 4 were the ones added as Riley hits puberty.

Anxiety

I've seen a lot of comments after the first trailer asking about the difference between Fear and Anxiety and based on definitions from the internet, Fear is essentially a response to a perceived threat that is present at the moment, while Anxiety is a response to "What if?" type scenarios that may or may not happen or even be realistic.

When I gave that answer in the comments, many people told me that Fear functioned as both in the original film, and that brings me to the "Why Now" part. I think Anxiety appearing after puberty is meant to represent how, when we're younger, fears that might seem irrational or unrealistic to others (adults especially), feel real to us (if a kid believes monsters exist, the fear of a monster in their closet is very much rational in their mind). But, as we get older, we start to learn the difference between things we should be afraid of (or at the very least more aware of/careful about) and what are unlikely events that our minds simply obsess over, hence the appearance of Anxiety.

As for the other 3, tho we haven't seen them, based on the nature of the emotions, in my opinion it also makes sense why they specifically only appear after puberty hits.

Embarrassment, in my own definition, is the feeling one experiences when they think they've said or done something that makes them look "uncool" or "weird/odd" (this also applies to things others say/do that makes you or themselves seem "uncool" or "weird/odd"). While this can also happen to younger kids, I feel like it's more so teens that have very rigid definitions of what counts as cool or not, as well as being real jerks to anyone not meeting these rigid definitions (kids can be really mean too, but i think they're more flexible about what they consider cool), and therefore Embarrassment is much more likely to occur strongly in teenagers.

Envy, is also an emotion that, in some form, exists in younger kids, however the biggest difference is, I think, in the focus of the emotion. When we're kids and we see someone have something we don't have, but want, our focus is on the thing (which is almost always material), rather than the person ("I want to have X too!). However, as we get older, our focus shifts to the person who has that thing (which can be material or immaterial) we don't have, but want ("Why do they have X?). Notice how, in the first instance, our reaction is a desire to possess that thing (it's less about someone else having it and about us wanting it), and in the second, it is a questioning of why someone else gets to have that (it's more about why they are the ones who have it, than about us wanting that thing). The latter is what Envy is.

Ennui is a form of dissatisfaction with the way things are, that mixes boredom and tiredness. Children often live in a world that is full of fun, adventures and magic, however the world of school gradually loses these qualities and issues can pile up on top of each other. Riley turns 13 in the film, which is around the time (at least in my country) when kids enter high-school, which is progressively less about fun, even compared to earlier forms of school. This is also the period in many teens' lives where they start questioning why they need to do things and things such as existential crises or depression can come in, both of which can lead to things feeling pointless or meaningless, which coupled with burnout from expectations, can result in Ennui.

New and Old Emotion Pairings

Aside from Joy (who is the only positive emotion in the bunch), I think the 4 other old emotions could each pair well with one of the new ones.

Fear and Anxiety

As mentioned above, the two fulfill similar functions, and at Riley's age it's probably really hard to clearly distinguish between them. So I can easily imagine one of them freaking out, which freaks the other out and so on, so forth.

Disgust and Embarrassment

More so as opposites compared to the previous two. As mentioned in the first film, Disgust's role is keeping Riley from being poisoned (both physically, but more important to this point, socially), which includes keeping her from doing things that are seen as "uncool" (like when she wanted to tell Riley's mom that she shouldn't take her to school). And what exactly did I say Embarrassment is? The feeling we get when we have said or done something "uncool". Basically, I can imagine Embarrassment tailing Disgust, preemptively worrying about the outcome of any situation where Reily might say or do such a thing (especially if socialising or romance are going to be topics in the film, which I'd assume they'd at least partially be).

Anger and Envy

If you think about it, this combo makes a lot of sense too. Anger has been shown as the one who seeks justice and fairness. Envy (as per the definition I gave), includes a feeling of unfairness about someone else having something you want to have too and if you dislike that person or simply think you'd deserve that thing more because of y, it can easily lead to feeling "rightful" Anger (at that person, at your parents, at the world or even yourself). So I can see Envy riling Anger up at different things, both material (like a new phone) or immaterial (like popularity).

Sadness and Ennui

Sadness has been depicted as someone who likes to engage in deep thoughts. Due to the nature of Ennui (as I described above), it would make sense to me if they were deeply philosophical, after all, their existence is partially borne of a questioning of one's existence and purpose. So I can just imagine the two of them engaging in deep conversations, even about hard topics like death or the expectations and hardships of adulthood, maybe even gender, sexuality, discrimination and depression.

I don't want to make plot predictions, but I think the positive to negative emotion ratio will play a part, and tho I don't necessarily think Joy will go back to how she was in the first film, I can definitely see her treating the new emotions (Anxiety in particular) similar to how she treated Sadness, at least initially. I also think that Anxiety, who I think will kind of act like the leader of the new emotions, might get antagonised, perhaps even more so than the rest (just like how Sadness was in the first one). I also think that perhaps Joy will kind of get pushed out by the other emotions, as Riley might go through some of the rougher parts of teen life. I also think that after the initial shock, Sadness in particular would be the first to open up to the new emotions (she's been shown to be empathic in the first one with Bing-Bong).

#inside out 2 #disney #theory #disney theory #speculation #my thoughts #predictions #disney pixar #pixar inside out

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tangledfate · 2 months

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♥

*gets up on her soap box and taps her mic*

STELLA WASN'T ANYWHERE NEAR AS ABUSIVE TO STOLAS BEFORE HE CHEATED ON HER AS PEOPLE LIKE TO SAY SHE WAS. NOR WAS SHE EVER ABUSIVE TO OCTAVIA, THESE ARE DEMONIZATIONS FROM THE FANDOM SOLELY THERE TO MAKE STOLAS MORE SYMPATHETIC AND HAVE NO BASIS IN CANON!

Now before you run to my inbox and throw your tantrum just hear me out.

Is Stella a villain, yes.

Is she volatile and abusive towards Stolas after their falling out? Also yes.

Are her actions of physically lashing out and plotting the assassination of her soon to be ex-husband at all excusable? OF COURSE NOT.

But none of this is indicative of their relationship or her actions BEFORE Stolas cheated on her. You know what is? OCTAVIA.

Octavia who states in episode 2 that "her parents didn't hate each other". Octavia who goes with her mother on weekends and shows absolutely NO SIGNS of fearing her in any capacity, even when she's screaming at Stolas. It's shown as more of an annoyance than anything. She's not worried that her mother is going to turn her ire on HER because it has NEVER happened.

As a child from an abusive household, I can tell you right now that children SEE EVERYTHING. The MINUTE someone starts yelling, you shut down. You get out of the way, you make yourself as small and as close to invisible as you can because you don't want to be next. Octavia doesn't do this ever in all the time she's shown.

In fact, the blame for the destruction of their family in Octavia's eyes is SOLELY placed on Stolas and this is EXPLICITLY stated in episode 2 when she tells him that "[he] ruined it." Stella and Stolas BOTH worked SO hard to give Octavia a normal life--she is the LOVE of their lives.

Stella was born and bred for one reason, to marry another Goetia royal and sire an heir. Any identity she might have had outside of 'princess' was stripped away from her and her choices were made FOR her. She and Stolas were engaged as CHILDREN, this means she was very likely groomed and educated with the sole expectation to be Stolas' wife. It is LITERALLY all she knows and it's being forcibly taken away from her.

And to not only have NO agency in her life while her husband enjoys a level of freedom she can only dream of, but to be publicly dick-slapped with it in front of her FRIENDS whose opinion of her is solely based on her STATUS granted to her by that marriage--

It's not really a wonder why she's begun lashing out. Are her actions reasonable? No, but they are understandable.

Stolas is no better than Stella. In fact, I will go so far as to say that he's actually worse. He's way more to blame than she is for all of the SHIT going on between them. He reached his breaking point and, with his actions, caused Stellas. We have been shown no indication that Stella was ever unfaithful to him, meanwhile we KNOW he was unfaithful to her. Then he used it to PUBLICLY HUMILIATE HER knowing that he would more or less be FINE.

And when she reacts BADLY, he shifts the blame onto her for reacting in the first place. Even going so far as to insult and ridicule her IN FRONT OF THEIR DAUGHTER whom up to this point, they have likely been nothing but civil in front of. She has grounds for accusing him of trying to turn Octavia against her because THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING!

And that's another thing! Stella is NOT stupid. Irrational, brash, short tempered; YES, but NOT STUPID. Royals don't tend to be STUPID, they have access to the highest education from day one. She is more likely to be HIGHLY intelligent, exhaustingly so, but likely plays dumb around her brother and others because that's what they want her to be.

She is a social chameleon, her life literally depends on it.

I have said it before, and I truly believe that her wanting Stolas dead doesn't necessarily mean that she actually wants him dead. Death has never touched Stella in any meaningful capacity as far as we have been shown. Stolas being assassinated means "I win" to her, not "he's never coming back" and I think that in the end she'll regret it because it will do the one thing she's MOST afraid of.

It will push Octavia away.

#{ hc ;; stella }#defiedfate #the whole-ass book that no one asked for but I will scream from the fucking ROOFTOPS

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auxiliarydetective · 17 days

Text

My OCs as Flatmates, Part 1

Includes: Chandrah/Charlie, Raevyn, Sherry

A bit ago, I asked you guys about who you'd like to see for this topic (and I'm still asking, by the way, hop into the replies and tell me who you'd like to see) and both @fluffle-system and @daughter-of-melpomene said...

↬ Chandrah !

Oh boy! You've invited a demon to your house, congratulations!

Charlie, I feel like, would be a fun roommate. I assume this is after GB II, so he'd already relatively well adjusted, but they're still... not human.

Like, my boy™ barely sleeps at all. This means that, yes, you can come to them at any time of day or night and be relatively sure that he's awake. And even if he isn't, they're not that hard to wake up and they don't get grumpy if you do wake him up. However, it also means that he might be noisy at night. Not even intentionally. But if your flat has thin walls, you'll hear them rummaging around the kitchen or taking a shower in the middle of the night. You might also be faced with some confusing situation at times because he hasn't master all situations of human behaviour yet. Also, they eat the weirdest things sometimes.

Aside from that though, he 100% has your back, no matter what happens. They're loyal as ever. Whatever you need, he's got you. Need help moving in? Charlie is strong as balls, he'll carry your stuff. Shitty ex? How do you want to give the bastard payback - are we thinking of a fake dating scenario, do you just want someone to come with you somewhere just in case, do you want them beaten up, humiliated...? Charlie will probably also curse and/or haunt the ex, let's be honest.

Also, he's a literal (former) Ghostbuster. If you get a nightmare or think you're cursed or haunted or something, he'll take you seriously. Or any irrational fear, really, because they've seen a lot of things and are willing to believe a lot of things. Charlie will probably go through the routine Ghostbuster questionnaire with you to determine if it's a ghost or not and what kind of ghost and then go from there. They'll cheer you up and make you feel safe before confronting the specter. Even if you accidentally summoned a demon or something, Chandrah is also a demon, it'll deal with it.

Depending on whether you know that Charlie is secretly a demon or not, you might also see them floating around sometimes and he'll use his demonic powers for tasks or to help you. It's normal. They might even show you their demonic form if you ask nicely.

Definitely would want to spend a lot of time with you. He's a bit clingy but understands if you need some space. Would also be fine with just coexisting in the same room as you if you don't have the time or energy to do anything special.

As to how you got into this flatshare situation, I'm pretty sure that Charlie would've put out the ad and it's his house/apartment. Charlie, being a demon and (former) Ghostbuster, is pretty rich and would be able to afford living on their own, but they want a flatmate because they feed off human affection and they get bored when they're alone for too long. He probably didn't put his name in the ad because he is more or less famous and you probably wouldn't figure out it's them until you come over to take a look at the apartment before deciding if you want to move in. But they're super nice and humble about their Ghostbusters experiences and will be really glad to share stories with you. A baseline belief in the paranormal is probably a requirement for living with him though.

Next person! @enterprise-come-in asked for...

↬ Raevyn !

We're assuming a Planetary Union context here and not just Raevyn somehow dropping in on our present day. Probably, you're both studying at Union Point.

One thing that needs to be very clear to you and that she tells you right away is that you will have very little privacy. She can't help it, she's a telepathic species and she's gonna know all of your secrets sooner or later. You can't really keep anything from her.

BUT this also means that she knows exactly what's wrong when you're down and how to help you and you best believe she'll do it. She's there to comfort you, whenever, wherever. Has your routines memorized after a few weeks, knows your comfort foods and shows, adapts to your needs really well.

Generally, Raevyn is really considerate but, like with any flatmate, you'll also have to deal with some nonsense from her. Since this is her Union Point era, she's gonna have quite a few crushes and partners, and you might have to deal with a good bit of relationship drama. Not an obscene amount, but definitely more than average. She also probably forgets to do the dishes every once in a while. Just remind her to do them and it's all good.

Activities! Don't expect to go to the pool or the beach with her, she's still in her phase where she's hiding her aquatic heritage. But aside from that, she's down for pretty much anything. She'd love to learn about your culture and show you hers and meet your friends and have you meet hers and... But she's also down for more relaxing activites like bord games or video games or movies or just talking. Would also be a pretty good study buddy.

Raevyn would be the best person to have as backup if you want to go on a date but you're kinda worried about it and the person seems sketchy. My girl is ready to beat anyone up for you, whether that be verbally or physically. She's also a walking taser, so she could end the conflict before it even started if you don't want a scene. Would also teach you martial arts if you want. Generally, she has a lot of relationship drama herself, so she definitely understands yours. You can gush about your crushes and cry about breakups together.

Also! Raevyn is quite literally the least problematic person when it comes to gender identities and sexuality and whatnot. It's in her culture to know that everyone's mind and feelings work differently and being attracted to different things is normal and gender is an infinite spectrum. The idea that there could be only two sexes and genders and that anything that isn't heterosexuality is a sin or something is completely wild and offensive to her. Personally, she's bisexual and will also 100% go to pride parades and festivals with you, even if she doesn't fully understand the history and mentality behind them. She would also do really well with neurodivergency, disability and other similar things. Do you know that situation where you're really frustrated at people just not understanding that you can't do a thing because you have no spoons left? This will never happen with Raevyn. Because she knows. She understands. She might not be neurodivergent or experience something similar but, because she's a telepath, she understands what you're going through and will adapt accordingly as much as she can.

Last person for this part is...

↬ Sherry !

... because @novemberhope shares a birthday with her!

Oh boy, this is actually gonna be a bit tough to answer, because... well, first of all, this means that you're in the Mario Universe. Funky shenanigans. Maybe you got Mario Movie style isekai-ed into it? (Disclaimer: I haven't actually watched the movie.) Either way, Sherry probably wasn't planning on having a flatmate but would gladly take you in.

The thing is, Sherry is a princess and was raised with the knowledge that she is a princess. But she wasn't raised at the palace, she was raised in some cottage in the middle of nowhere. Generally, living with her would be weird but fun. Because she's very kind and all but she has some quirks. For one, her sister is literally the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom and she's next in line for the throne. But Sherry couldn't care less about royal formalities and whatnot and doesn't really spend time around the palace. Still, you'll notice. If you go anywhere together, the attention will be on her and you'll be overlooked. As such: Don't think about throwing a joined birthday party. You might get an amazing cake from Princess Peach and a whole lot of famous people will be there, but it will no longer be your day. It's about her now.

Also, the whole kidnapping situation? Sherry's sister Peach constantly gets kidnapped by a guy and Sherry somehow works for the guy? Like, she babysits his son or something? Awkward...

What this means though is that, should you ever get in trouble with some evil forces or the King of the Koopas, Sherry has your back. Either she'll solve the issue herself or she'll get the Mario Brothers on the case. No problem.

Anyways, back to everyday situations: I feel like Sherry is a no nonsense sort of person (well, as much as you can be in the Mushroom Kingdom) and probably likes things to be in order, so if you leave your dishes out in the kitchen or whatnot, she won't be happy. But she's also the type who'll say something if she doesn't like something, so you won't get stuck in a silent war or anything. Also, she's not the type to hold grudges. See the "working for the guy who kidnaps her sister" situation. Whatever mistakes you make, she'll forgive you. Also, you'll never have financial troubles! She's a princess, she's rich, and she'll lend you money if you need it.

Whereas her sister likes to bake, Sherry likes to cook. You might cook together a lot if that's a thing you're into, or she'll make you homecooked meals for when you get home or just... whenever. I feel like she'd also be really good at mixing drinks, so great for when you're having parties! She also takes you kart racing, golfing, to football games, tennis, board game nights... whatever you like!

Oh yeah, Sherry also just leaves sometimes to go on an adventure or save or sister or go on vacation or whatnot, so you'll have the house to yourself a lot.

So yeah, that's it for part 1! Please tell me who else you'd like to see! Part 2 will be out soon, maybe there'll be a part 3 if I get enough requests for people, who knows!

Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene @bravelittleflower @box-of-bats - let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

#ocs as flatmates #oc: charlie drake #oc: raevyn maumahara #oc: princess sherry

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cubicle-eyes · 2 years

Text

Dustin Henderson with a bf hcs

(Stranger Things)

not proofread, and its 2am so expect a few spelling or gramatical errors

some tooth-rotting fluff

First ever actual writing post on here, pls be kind!!

- He is always subtly touching you, whether it's just your arms grazing as you sit next to eachother, or your sneakers meeting from across the bottom of the table. He likes it simply because hes a little doof sometimes, but it's also reassuring to you of how much he adores you

- Tries to drag you to play D&D, and whether or not you accept his offer, you're a regular at Hellfire Club, and Eddie even got you a shirt. If you don't want to play, you're still whispering little things to Dustin that you noticed. You aren't really sure if thats " cheating " , but no one stops you. If you do play, he's estatic. He tries to get you to do slightly irrational stuff with him, and ends up completely sidetracked, so mich so Eddie has to pause and remember where they are with the campain.

- He adores just doing things while he's sitting between your legs, or the other way around. You both like to just feel the other against you and honestly if anybody walks in on you two just vibing like that, playing with eachothers hands and hair, it's like watching two rainbow golden retrivers play together.

- He's the little spoon, if you cuddle like that, but he prefers to be facing you, legs tangled together as you both giggle and laugh at nothing. He likes it, too, because now he can kiss your forehead.

- He isn't a huge ' on the lips ' guy, I just can't see him as someone who every time they kiss you, goes for the lips. He'll kiss anywhere else though so often you don't even realize. Your forehead, cheeks, nose, neck, shoulders, knuckles- anywhere. But when he does cave and kiss you on the lips, you better believe it's very sweet and loving.

- Reading. Read to him. Let him read to you. The only thing is he likes to see the words if you're reading, so make sure to not flip the page to early, even if you're reading aloud, because he will literally take the book from you and your reading privleges are GONE

- He started the relationship very straight-forward. "hey ur hot wanna go out lmfao " "yeah sure lets go lol"

- He sometimes shows up at your house at random moments? He literally either teleports or spawns there like an NPC in a video game. It's honestly unsettling.

- If your sad he's sad, even if he doesn't understand why. He still tries to cheer you up, and it almost always works. Have you heard his voice, seen his smile? On the rare occasion his help doesn't help pull you out of your low, he asks what you would like to do. Most of the time you just need some cuddles, and he's happy to oblige. Otner times you just want him to be present in the silence, and he's okay with that, too. He likes to hold your hand the whole time, no matter what.

- He is very easy to jumpscare. No matter what it is. Toss a coin the wrong way at him and he screams in fear as he tries to catch it. Whether it's intentional or not, it embarasses him, so apologize or ask if he's okay before teasing him, if you choose too.

- PDA. PDA. PDA. Who cares if it's the 80s? He's dating a dude, read it and weep, brochachos you can't stop him! He'll definetly cool it, if you ask him too, but he always does it on accident anyways. If he keeps doing somethibg you asked him not to in public, just tell him again. Don't get short with him, because for someone so confident he gets his feelers hurt easy.

- uh back to pda

- He loves to drag you around by the hand like an excited toddler, pointing cool things out, and if he starts jumping up and down about something jump your ass up and down you'll make him feel silly.

- now you both definetly get a lot of hate. It's just something thats bound to happen. But sometimes it hits a little to close to your hearts, and Dustin is always ready to comfort, since he isn't usually affected by it. When he is, though...

- give him kisses all iver his face, tell him things you love about him, cuddle- do anything he'd do to you to get you to smile.

- in conclusion, dustin makes a very good bf, 10/10, but be careful because he will randomly open your window in the middle of the night, scare you to death, and the drop off trinkets and leave.

#stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things x male reader #dustin henderson #stranger things x you #stranger things x trans reader #stranger things season 4 #stranger things season three #writers

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marcusrobertobaq · 6 months

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⚠️ I'll treat everything as HC to not piss stans and "different interpretations" defenders. It's old news but i wanted to make my version of it.

The "Connor" Ego (I guess it's the best name I got)

Poor explanation: series of propaganda feeded into 'em default system so they believe in their purpose and "feel" proud of doing it (in contrast with 'em autonomous nature). Where every single bad thing that happen can be justified by the propaganda ("so...what they said is true"), cuz that's his truth and what his trusted side always says. Yea, i think CL knows androids can feel to a degree, but nobody needs to know, right? Let's us use to our advantage.

Here a few examples:

Deviant? Impossible, I'm NOT A DEVIANT and I'll NEVER become one!

FEELINGS for someone? Never, what do you take me for? A irrational MACHINE?

FEAR? No, I'm just frustrated I couldn't accomplish my MISSION.

I wasn't programmed to FAIL and I won't let you make me FAIL.

Deviants are DEFECTIVE machines, they're just consumed by irrational instructions and behave unpredictably. It's something BAD and have to be CONTROLLED, humans gonna suffer.

Some mfs can confuse this with the "hero syndrome" but I can argue they're different. Indeed Amanda is always manipulating him in thinking he's a hero saving humanity from the dangerous deviants, the only dude that can solve everything, the most advanced model - designed to be perfect and never fail. The amount of joy in being praised by her is real.

And believe me that's the most effective way of playing with a Connor's psyche - questioning 'em. They're extremely defensive.

Kinda works like "rejection tactics", they've been conditioned this way, after all. Connors have a high level and detailed emotional capacity by default (in "machine" state) - what can cause internal confusion (doubts and conflicts) if they're really supposed to be that "emotional". After all, emotions = deviants.

Connors sometimes try disassociating with 'em predecessors cuz if we got a new Connor means the old Connor failed. And Connors ain't programmed to fail

Problem is the third party doesn't give a shit. Doesn't matter if 55 failed, 56 will have to carry his own cross and 55's. They want the job done asap and Connor is, well, Connor. Always Connor. Marks doesn't exist, only #313 248 317.

This whole "just a machine replacing other, you can kill me if you want because another will take my place" is used in "external" environments so we don't waste time with explanations, waste time (Connor is an android, not a person) and seems to affect some humans (ex.: Hank)

We see how Connors can have questionable behaviors (have a option to) when dealing with lowly defective deviants or someone that dare takin' 'em seriously (cuz he's used to dehumanizing tactics also coming from humans themselves) - either as a way of acomplishing a goal or a demonstration of control over the situation (motivated by fear of losing control and failing his task or not).

They know how to use information against people in a way mfs get affected by him and have a desired reaction (it can work or not). And according with his default propaganda: deviancy is bad for everybody humans and gotta be contained. Why? Cuz Amanda says (and he's attached to her), the media says, everybody says. Androids ain't people, everything is an error, a glitch, a bug and needa be fixed. He's a machine created to deal with this task. It's his life.

Now imagine the deviant is another Connor? Everything in that list comes together. Would be a pleasure removing a version of himself that shouldn't even exist; a failure, a defect. It's a reason to be REALLY pissed, believe me.

And ain't deviants the only ones susceptible to stress, psychological pain and fear? Let's use it at our favor.

Is the other Connor a deviant? We treat him like one. Feelings for someone? We toy with it. Emotional behavior? We play with it. A failure? We remember him of it, show him, teach him so he learns the damn lesson. A defective piece of garbage? We remove him and everything is back to normal cuz I'm Connor and I don't accept myself being everything I'm afraid of/wary of.

Wanna know what else is emotional and irrational? Humans (who listen to deviants).

Hank will never forget about this moment and that's the intention. He already blames himself for losing people he cares, imagine a Connor sayin' "his" Connor died cuz of him?

2 birds, 1 stone.

Connor-60 is a Connor like 52, 53... 56, 57 (...) would be, he knows about a Connor on the inside for obvious reasons. And no doubt: mf let his emotions control him cuz he saw himself in there, his hand is even shaking a bit. If a new Connor with unstable Connor memories chose rejecting everything and sticking with his purposes this dude is a damn of a legend. Being able to analyse everything and say "this is STUPID and i'm NOT following this bullshit 😤" is a damn of a show off.

DID U SAY SHOW OFF?

So if u ever see a Connor sayin' they don't feel shit don't worry, they unfortunately feel emotions (especially anger) and it's used as weapon - well, Connors are weapons. But when they show it or not can vary. Honestly, Amanda doesn't need say much besides "the previous Connor failed, don't disappoint me" or even a "Good job, continue like that" for the New Connor not want to fail her. And not failing her means he won't fail the humans - his priority, his purpose. Well...his "priority" (we all know he's under CyberLife and CyberLife wishes only). Why?

Cuz Amanda is right. CyberLife is right, the humans are right - until a rift in this line of thought happens.

And be prepared: the next gen (RK900) is coming with a lot of upgrades. In a few decades "deviancy" as we know gonna disappear cuz some models gon' be full, 100% autonomous and capable of programmed sentience and moral thinking.

#dbh #dbh: how i think shit works #detroit become human #connor rk800 #lotta typos and i don't feel like fixing everything

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ourlordapollo · 9 months

Text

Okay well. Behold the products of the MvK brain rot that has consumed me these past few days.

(It's 3 oneshots.)

Hey it's about your straw villain. Yeah, a freak with ADHD hyperfixated on him and turned him into a twink. Yeah, they twinkified him. Yeah and theyre not sorry. No yeah you heard that right, they twinkified your straw villain. If it's any consolation, if you look really closely, you can see the monster he's destined to become.

Anyway @musashi thanks for the karma brainrot. It shows up a bit at the end there.

Rambling: Okay so the first oneshot is thematically distinct from the other two. The other two are all Twinkfred and some OCs.

Can't believe I have to say this but some of the characters in this work of fiction express views that I do not agree with and say things that aren't true. If that very concept blows your mind, this is not the fic for you.

Lastly, this is kind of a disjointed mess rn but I have an idea for a longer, more cohesive narrative i just don't have time for that kind of commitment rn. This is not the last of Twinkfred.

Content Warnings: one (1) very brief mention of hypothetical physical abuse, one (1) scene of not-upsetting dubcon kissing & grinding, alcohol use, non-graphic depiction of at-home ear piercing

Tea soaks into the napkins where Phoenix presses them down. It must be scalding him; it's still steaming, but he doesn't flinch. Not like Miles, who does nothing but flinch. It's not usually so obvious: a sharp glare, an unkind word. It doesn't usually produce a physical result.

"I'm sorry, Miles," Phoenix says, and his gaze moves from the damp napkins to Miles' eyes and Miles does not flinch. Does not allow it. Phoenix swallows. "Did..." The weight of his hesitation is so heavy that Miles knows what's coming next, the desperate cry for connection he's trained himself to anticipate and ignore. "Did he ever hit you?"

Slowly, Miles shakes his head.

—

Von Karma's hand has already begun to swell, the skin around the puncture wounds turning deep blue. His sharp cry still hangs in the air, heavy with the raspy authority he uses when training his dogs. Walther licks his palm and von Karma lets him, stilling his shaking hand.

But Miles sees, just for a moment.

"Sir?" Miles doesn't bother asking if he's alright. The answer to that will always be a stern 'of course.'

"Speak, Miles Edgeworth."

"Why..." Even the question feels unimaginably cruel, but Miles persists. "Why didn't you hit him?"

Von Karma raises an eyebrow. "Do you think I should have hit Walther?"

"No, sir. But I know that other people hit their dogs when they misbehave." He'd seen it, a little swat on the rear of a dog that yapped at passing cars, an open-palm strike to a dog that pulled on the lead.

"We're not 'other people'," Manfred replies, eyes flashing. His voice makes it clear exactly what he thinks of 'other people.' What Miles should think of them, too. "Do you know what happens when you strike a dog?"

"No, sir."

"You make it afraid."

He pauses, and Miles repeats the word: "Afraid."

"A fearful dog doesn't think. A fearful dog acts without concern for anything but its own immediate safety. It lashes out in irrational panic, mindlessly attacking anything that moves." Von Karma's eyes are far away. "It undermines itself. It destroys. I do not raise frightened dogs."

"I understand, sir," Miles says, trying not to let his voice quiver.

Von Karma looks right through him. "Good," he says, exhaling. "That is good, Miles."

And by his sides, his hands shake.

The neon lights blot out the stars, which is just as well, because Fredi navigates by them tonight, the blinking and the flashing. The music calls to him, the driving thud of deliverance on the promise he'd made to himself.

Berlin would be different.

Clouds of cigarette smoke hang low over the group of people— his people— lingering by the gaping mouth of the club. He goes right in. No identification, no pause. He just walks in.

The music crawls inside him and vibrates under his skin and a thousand bodies move in tandem, rocking him deeper and deeper into their midst.

The lights flash, illuminating intertwined couples of all genders, wearing all sorts of clothing. All the things he'd promised himself. But still, his heart stops when he sees two men pressed close, their lips locked. What would Father and Mother say?

Hands find him, anchor on his hips. He reaches out reflexively and catches the incoming kiss with parted lips. His back hits the wall. The stranger's tongue is cold against Fredi's own, his palms hot under Fredi's waistband. The strangers thigh slots in between Fredi's, touching him— he freezes.

Everything stops, just for a moment.

In the colored lights, Fredi catches a look of annoyance as the stranger pulls back. "You have to say something if you don't want it," he spits, and staggers off.

The crushing weight of his failure dims the lights in Fredi's eyes— he'd done it wrong. Everyone here seemed to know how already, how to drink and dance. How to be queer.

His hands curl into fists but the stranger is long gone.

He's found again, later, by a bedraggled group who have created their own little atmosphere inside the club.

"How old are you?" someone shouts in his ear

"19," he lies.

This new person grabs his hand and drags him out a side door, where the air cools his skin and the music pulses with less violence.

"Let me ask you that again. How old are you, really?"

"I'm short for my age," Fredi says, glaring.

"17 at the oldest," says another member of the little group, and laughs. "What's your name?"

"Fredi." There's a pause, and he adds, "Fredi von Karma."

More laughter. She smiles. "Not your stage name, sweetheart."

"I like the sound of that," titters a third person. "Von Karma."

Fredi would roll his eyes if he wasn't so used to this conversation. Their family history had not been well-documented, and Father had never uncovered the reasoning for the strange name. "Did you want something?"

"Let us introduce ourselves first!" says the one who had first spoken to him. "Let's be polite, yes? My name is Timo. This is Maren, Zissi, and Wolf."

Wolf howls. Fredi only raises his eyebrows.

He stays quiet for a moment, examining them. Wolf and Timo wear earrings in their right earlobes. Maren and Zissi hold hands, their nails short and rounded. They all wear bright colors, Wolf's shirt unbuttoned low to reveal leather straps forming an X across his chest.

"What do you think?" Timo asks, flexing. Zissi laughs and leans over Maren to swat at him, her pupils impossibly wide.

"What do you want?" Fredi counters.

Timo's jovial manner drops. "To check on you, honestly. When you see a new face, a young face like yours..."

"With lipstick on his cheek," Maren adds.

"I'm fine," Fredi says at once.

"Where are you staying tonight?" Timo counters. "With Mama and Papa?"

Despite all his plans, Fredi hesitates for a second too long. And he'd made plans; he had a little money. It would be easy enough for someone like him to find a job and he'd always been frugal.

"Ah, Fredi, Fredi." Timo slings an arm around him, blowing whiskey-scented breath across his cheek. "Don't think we don't know what this is. You're a long way from Bavaria, you know."

"I know," says Fredi, looking from face to face. They really don't seem to mean him any ill; Wolf is dancing to the beat, Maren and Zissi are kissing.

"I'm just saying, we have a couch you can sleep on. We'll even feed you if you ask nicely."

Fredi swallows. His plan... His perfect plan. He'd spent so long picturing it, his little slice of paradise in Berlin.

His little slice of perfection.

But reality looms with sharper edges, slicing his fantasy to ribbons. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's young and alone in an unfamiliar city, and these people (his people!) have chosen to be kind to him.

Fredi looks at the hoop flashing in Timo's right ear. "I accept."

Zissi says, "Do you know what 'karma' means?"

"Lean your head on my chest" Timo says.

Fredi's head touches down just below Timo's collar bone. Vodka cools his earlobe. "It doesn't mean anything," he says. "There's no such place as 'Karma.'"

"Someone hasn't studied the Eastern religions," Zissi says, like she hadn't dropped out of university after less than a year.

Still, heat flares in Fredi's chest and he spits fire before he can even think of controlling it. "Why should I have?" And how dare she try to make him feel inferior? He has no reason to know anything about Asia.

His reasoning kicks in a second later and he catches her eye and softens his expression.

"This will feel cold," Timo murmurs, pressing ice to Fredi's earlobe.

"Karma is the sword of justice," Zissi says. "That which goes around comes around."

"Like the flu?" Fredi says drily.

"Very funny." Zissi rolls her eyes. "Timo, stab him."

A great pressure and a great release bore in and out of Fredi's numbed earlobe, then an uncomfortable wiggling sensation. A part of his body that had never been touched before is now open to the world.

It is the first piece of metal to pierce Fredi's flesh, but it won't be the last.

"You're sure you want both ears?" Timo asks. "The right ear is the gay ear."

"Both my ears are gay ears," Fredi retorts. It's not quite true, but he's found it's easier to just be one thing at a time. He was straight in Gersthofen; he is gay in Berlin.

"Fine," Timo sighs. "Flip over, then."

Fredi keeps his neck stiff so his ear doesn't press into Timo's chest. The cycle begins again: ice, vodka, ice, vodka. "What do you mean by justice?" he asks to keep his mind off the throbbing pain.

"The things you do, the actions you take, they have a way of finding their way back to you," Zissi explains. "Bad things will happen to bad people and vice versa."

It's a funny coincidence, that some typographical error could align so neatly with Fredi's path. He will be a lawyer and school starts soon. "Karma is the sword of justice," he repeats contemplatively.

The needle drives into his ear.

He barely feels it.

Karma is the sword of justice.

You could make a religion out of that.

#annoying ppl will be blocked on sight and vaporized in my brain 🥰#that includes puriteens and 'um akshually' guys #manfred von karma #maybe delete later??? idk im shy #n-e-way im so serious about the um akshually thing i had 3 400-level classes about the philosophy and function of several religions #including b.uddhism ja.inism and hi.nduism. the inaccuracy is on purpose. it's on purpose.

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