#i dont even want to join this specific college they forced me to join | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bansheeoftheforest · 3 years

Note

Me like a week ago: Oh! Syndicate is being sold here for just 15 dollars! I should buy it because it looks neat and my friend reccomended it :3

My siblings: Ą̸̯͉͍̻̻̿̂̂̍̏̓̑ś̷̹͕̲̰͙̖̮͓͝s̶̥͉̽͆̎̔̔͐̈́̚a̶͎̺̹̭͙̞͆s̴̛̩̝͙͉̱̭̋̓̿͝s̶͍̠̲̙̙̓͑̍͘̕̕i̶͕̻͕̤͓͍̺͎̐̀͐̏̇̐͆̈́n̴̻̹̯̲̻̈́̓ş̸̯̜̥̻͎͎͊̉͗͑͜ ̶̝̮̇̄Ç̴̩̺͚̺̰͆̃̂̆͋͝͝͝͝ṟ̵̛͇̯͉̼͍̳͓́̓̎͋͒͂̾ẹ̶̗̏͛̃ę̸̡͈̥̟͎̀̃́͑́͂͗̇̏̓d̴̨̲̥̫͌̾̈́̊̍͘

Anyway we now own 3 assassins creed games-

Tbh this entire time I've been imagining that Henry's brothers forced him to join! Like he was just walking home from college for the week (as he usually stays in his dorm), and when he gets in the house there's alot of. Rather expensive looking items. And are those guns? Is that drugs?! And then while hes noticing all this stuff (and maybe even considering this is the wrong house) he feels a gun to his head and there's his brothers, saying that he has to join them

Oh gosh if the Jekyll brothers have all been in this since Henry was in college. That's like. Alot of his life in fear and in the gang

I imagine specifically the Jekyll brothers are all pretty low on money because they sorta just, ran away and Henry's in college. So while Henry's away Kent and Rapheal end up joining a gang, and ending up pretty high ranked decently fast, like a few months? The two are a very good team. They also believe fully on the templars cause, whatever that is, I wasn't paying much attention

Also! Here's the database entry on them from the game that I'm tired of having to pull up every time XD

"Born to a long family line of seafarers, the Jekyll brothers, Kent and Raphael, follow in their forefathers' footsteps. All sorts of illegal trade are thus welcomed eithin the London ports, right under the government's nose. All imports go through the Jekyll brothers, and quickly find a home on the black market."

Henry is the youngest brother but I dont know by how much. I've decided that since quests have fun lil names that he's called "The Weeping Templar" because it sounds cool :3c

Ahhh I'm still working on those drawings of Jekyll in his mask, it's rather hard to find references for all these outfits you know. But here's a lil sneak peak

I couldn't decide on an outfit so I decided on 🌟every outfit🌟. Henry sorta just throws em on. Not caring what rank or person is supposed to wear what, as he's just trying to get his templar outfit off as soon as possible

Also. All the gang clothes have the opposite problem of Jacob and Evie. All the guys look like they just stumbled half drunk out of bed, and all the gals I Want To Own All The Clothes Of Immediately

Also also. I just checked the time on the canvas to see how long I've been working on it and ack-. I'm pretty sure I must have left ibisPaintX open or something because no way its actually been 18 hours- I'm not even shading these

My sister started playing syndicate so Soon. We'll know what Kent is truly supposed to look like. As in game I consider more canon than the database

I'm also having fun thinking it's both. Like after that database picture was made he grew a beard

That's exactly what happened to me and I am so glad you are falling into the pit of AC despair that I fell into as well. You better play Origins sometime, that game is absolutely fucking amazing <3

Man... I have such a hard time making up my mind bc at one point, I love the thought of Raphael and Kent falling into bad crowds and forcing Henry down with them (maybe guilt-tripping him by saying that they are all he has bc they are family and shit? And it's thanks to them he managed to get out of their abusive household?) but I also love the thought of like... Raphael and Kent doing it so they can get money so they can actually support Henry through college. And the moment Henry is out of college and maybe learns the truth of how his brothers even got that money they force him to join, or he feels obligated to join because his brothers helped and supported him. I also imagined Henry working at the docks while writing the FK au bc I was projecting so! Man, I wonder how Robert would react if he found out about Henry's family. Or Rachel, for that matter. Like, at one point, she technically can't judge bc of Lucy and the fact that she herself started out as a pick-pocket but at the same time... The Blighters and Templars are so much worse... <3

Oooohohohh now I really want to imagine how the questline for Henry would be. Since he is going to later join the rooks, he wouldn't get murdered with his brothers... Would it be when Greenie tells the Lodgers that there This One Templar that is very much standing out bc they wear a mask that the Twins track him down, or would it be when they try to murder his brothers and find them already dead, their corpses rotting in their offices/somewhere else hidden? Or would it be when they have killed Henry's brothers, realize that they missed the third brother and track him down, only to end up on Dr. Henry Jekyll's doorstep? Bruh, I wish I could mod Syndicate, I would actually have wanted to make this into a playable questline. How would the questline continue to go? Would the twins trust him immediately? Or would Henry be the one to track them down by sending them his templar pendant and the mask, telling them to meet him at X place by Y time like Roth did? sjdfhhAJWHD. Man. I want to know so much more about this sdfsdf

Man, are we having different dilemmas rn. I get so much gender envy from the guys' clothes but the outfits of the gals make me think of a mix between willy wonka (not the original one) and flappers. Don't ask why. I just really want a dress shirt that fits and some nice suspenders <3

BUT WANYWAYS. You are so mean. Now I really want to see the finished art aND. I AM SO CURIOUS NOW. SO MANY PIXELS HIDE TEH SECRETS. AHHHH. How and why are you so mean to me jst giving me sneak peaks sdfjhsdjf >:( XD

Your sister better enjoy this game <3 anyways I am very curious to see what the truth is now lol. That's going to be fun for sure XD

#I have. Little thought today. AI am big sorry darlene if this is a very messy response <3 #ask #banshees au #syndicate crossover au #darling-dolly-darlene

8 notes · View notes

wisherbysharlight · 4 years

Text

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

-He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

-Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

-Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

-Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

-Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

-Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading.

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

-the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

-one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

-the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

-Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact?

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

-Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

-Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

-first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

-there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

-Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

-Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

-They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

-Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you

Roman: You just dont get it

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

-the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

-Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

-Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

#romantic lamp #dukeceit #remile #ts fic #sanders sides fic #remus mention #tropey beach au #listen im not responsible for what i do when on the beach with discord open #this is so self indulgent my god

158 notes · View notes

huearmy · 4 years

Text

The Smell of Truth - II

Summary: After years being forced to fight in clandestine hybrid ring, Jungkook is now living in shelter, but life remains bad, the place is abusive, and nobody seems to want adopt him. Until one night a pro-hybrid activist group invades the shelter, and a woman in black smelling like truth promises that things will get better, and he decides to follow her wherever she goes.

Pairing: pitbull!Jungkook x human!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut maybe.

Words: 3291

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: N/A. Jungkook continues to be just a cute pie here ok dont touch me.

Chapter I - Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII

You have always been enchanted by hybrids. You grew up surrounded by them, they were friends and family. Literally. For exemple, your favorite uncle adopted your cousin, a cat hybrid, when you were five and she was three, he and his wife wanted a second child but could't have one biologically anymore, and you got a friend as a gift. You never saw your cous being treated diferently from her older sister, indeed they were equaly loved by the whole family. You two would run and play for hours together.

You learned some diferences between you and hybrids when living with your cousin in childhood. The first one was that you, unfortunately, don't have fluffy beautiful ears and tail like they do, more than once your mother needed to comfort you before going to sleep cuz you were crying, wanting to be cute too. The second was that you were always at a disadvantage in games like hide and seek and tag you it, but you still had fun. The third is that hybrids can't go to school like normal kids. Until a certain age you were home schooled, taking classes with a tutor, when you turned eleven things changed a little bit, and you started studying at an elite college. Your world expanded, you started to study more hours a day and met new people, new teachers, classmates, you made new friends that gradually showed you a cruel world that you didn't know. Most of your friends were also daughters of politicians and entrepreneurs, just like you, and just like you, they grew up surrounded by hybrids. But while they were family to you, to your classmates they were butlers, maids, pets. Soon you started to understand the injustice of it all, of why you were bullied when you talked about your cousin, why you didn't like to go to some friends' house where you would see them treating their hybrids coldly.

The last straw came when you were fourteen, more specifically your birthday. Until then you kept your friends from meeting your cousin, for fear that the situation would be strang, but it was you birthday, you wanted all your friends in your sleepover, including her. At the beginning of the night you were apprehensive, but your friends did nothing but find your cousin cute and be kind to her, so you relaxed. Everything was going well until one of her best friends decided that she liked your cousin so much that she was going to "ask her father to buy her".Your cousing didn't understand at the time, it was the first time that she was treated as something and not as a person. You were so angry that the party ended right there, most girls left, even though it was two-thirty in the morning. Days later you were expelled from school for getting involved in a fight and assaulting one of the girls who used the wrong word to define your family. You went back to school at home, with the best private tutors, and the world outside was no longer so beautiful. That's how you, already in college, joined a radical activist group for the sake of hybrids.

The concept of owning someone was disgusting for you, that's why you never adopted any hybrid, just fought to free them, in and out of law.That's why you don't recognizes yourself in the decision of getting Jungkook home. But here are you, driving your SUV with him sitting next to you in the passenger's seat. You want the best for each hybrid you have ever rescued, but never before have you been so involved that you are directly responsible for one as you are now doing with him.

Jungkook have followed you to your car, where you gave him a oversized hoodie of yours to wear - the nigth got cold - and snacks that you had prepared for your trip back home. He was really entertained comparing flavors of three diferent chips, that he didn't even noticed when your black outlaw clothes are gone, replaced by a summer dress in a cardigan. Well, he couldn't remember the last time he had a chance to eat chips, it was probably when he was a kid, and there weren't that many flavors. Of couse, he was refraining from asking you too many questions, that were filling your head like: How is house? Will it be long before we arrive? Do you live with someone else? Do you have other hybrids? Do you do these jobs every night? ... But he kept silent, like a good boy.You said the drive to your city would take about two hours, that he could sleep, but he wanted to keep awake and looking out the window at the landscape, the trees he had never seen so many together and other cars, once in a while passing by with their lights on. It would be beautiful during the day too, he thought. The music playing softly on the radio is also cool.

"Ok." You brake the silence. "We have sometime before we get home, we can talk and get to know each other until then."

Jungkook took a sip of his soda before answering.

"To know each other?"

"Yeah. Like a game where we tell things about ourselves and ask each other something..."

"Got it. How do I win this game?" Jungkook got excited.

"It wasn't supposed to be a competition." You laughed, and then got thoughtful. "If you make a question you got one point. If you tell a fact about yourself without being asked you got two points..."

"Whoever has the most points wins. Ok." Jungkook softly clapped his hands with a happy soud coming from his mouth, the gesture doesn't go unnoticed by you. You showd him where to find paper and pen in the glove compartment for him to write down the points. In one side of the page he writed your initials and in the other, his - JK.

"I go first. Hummm... My full name is Y/N Y/L/N and I'm twenty-three. And you, what' is your age?"

"Woaaaa, Y/N! You already have five points, you are good at it." Jungkook excitedly wrote down your points, already thinking about what to say. "I'm twenty-two, but not for long, my birthday is in september. I'm a virgo. What's your sign?"

"Y/S." You responds. "You are into zodiac?"

"Not exactly. But it was a fact about me." Jungkook smile to you making you look away from the road for a moment longer than insurance so you can look at the dimples under his eyes. "Among these three chip flavors, which is your favorite?" "Both cheddar and bacon, I can't choose between them" You answered without hesitation. "Actually I love cheddar and bacon in any context. Did you decided wich one you like the most?"

Jungkook thoughtfully compared the chip packs.

"Nope. I like them all together. I like sweets more. Do you live with someone else?" Jungkook took the courage to ask something that was really on his mind.

"No, is just me in my apartament. But theres always a friend or relative visiting me, almost everyday. "

Jungkook he felt a confusion of feelings, he did not know if he should be happy or disappointed that you lived alone, and as a result, that he will live only with you. It would be nice if you live with siblings or your parents if they are good like you, but at same time if they are bad he prefers to be with just you.

"How is your family?" He asked before you could make your next question.

"They are great." You said, your tone of voice and eyes ligthing up with affection. "I'm single child, but my family is quite big. We are all focused on progressive thinking of liberating hybrids. That's why I'm part of activist groups ... Of course, only I do this more clandestine work, and my mother doesn't even know. She would be crazy worry. You will like them I think. I have like six cousins, two girls and four guys... Oh my God, they will tease me so much for bringing a boy to live with me..."

Clearly your family is a trigger for you to talk non-stop. Jungkook concluded that your family must be really cool, for you to like them so much, making him wanting to know them too. It got him a little nervous. What would them think about him? Your talking makes your family look amazing, while he’s no big deal. Worse than being uninteresting is not being liked, and there are really bad things about him ... More bad than good things actually. Your family not liking him is scary, and thinking that you might know about his bad past and not liking him any longer suddenly made him anxious.

You were bragging about your great-aunt's cooking skills when noticed Jungkook got too quiet.

"You are ok, Jungkook?"

He looked at you awkwardly, eyes round like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Yes."

"Sorry I talked too much." You let a weak laugh out, feeling embarrassed. "Is your turn now. Go ahead."

Jungkook looked through the window, avoiding looking to you.

"I don't know what else I have to say... You already won anyway." He showed you the score, your inicials with no space left to write down points.

"Oh I bet you have a lot of things to say."

"Not good things." Jungkook dared to say, already regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth.Your voice softned.

"You don't need to tell me anything you are not ready to tell. Even if you're never ready. But I know that you are a person, and people are made up of many things, not just bad things." A moment of silence followed, you thinking about the next thing to say. "If you don't want to talk about past things... Lets talk about the future. What do you want to have for lunch tomorrow?"

________________________________________________________________

At some point Jungkook finally fell asleep. You drove an entire hour alone, slowly sipping an energy drink, his soft snores beside you not letting you forget about his presence. Everything you want is to sleep too, your eyes heavy, your body numb. You were thinking of it an how you would be in your bed about time, in your fluffy pijamas and warm socks, when blue and red lights appeared in your rear view mirror.

You pulled over and waited to the cop to come closer to lower the window

."Good nigth, officer."

You greeted in a low voice.The man just nodded writing down your license plate.

"Do you know why I made you pull over?" He said, louder than you.

"No, sir." You calmly answered, shrugging. "I was not above the speed limit and my tail lights are ok."

He made an approving sound.

"Papers please."

You turned on the light and reached out to get your documents from the glove compartment, making Jungkook open his sleepy eyes with a groan.

"Y/N?" He called with a pout. The ultimate pout."Shhh. Keep sleeping, babe. We didn't arrived yet."

He obeyed immediately, leaning his head on the window, and you can tell he didn't really wake up in the first place. He was with his cap and hoodie on, so the cop couldn't see his ears and know he is a hybrid. And theis way is better, you thought.

"Your boyfriend?" The cop asked while analyzing your driver's license.Time to improvise with your acting skills.

"Kind of." You timidly put a lock of hair behind your ear.He scanned the trash in the car."Any alcohol?"

"No, sir. Just energy drink and soda." You smiled.

He did the breathalyzer test on you anyway.

Since it didn't point to guilty results, you were released to continue your journey.

You took a deep breath, glad he didn't asked to inspect the car, he would surely find something that would link you to the terrorist act against the shelter, as the newspapers would for sure report the next day.

The good part is that forging Jungkook's adoption document in your name with a date prior to the rescue will be super easy, as the shelter's records blew up in the explosion. That thought made you relax and start driving normally. ________________________________________________________________

"Jungkook. Jungkook wake up." You shook his shoulder, his sleep too heavy. His head fell forward, making him jump in his spot, blinking heavily, the ultimate pout making another appearance. "We arrived, Jungkook."

Jungkook slowly regained consciousness, seeing you standing outside the car, beside him, holding the door open for him to get out.

"We're at home?." His face got bright.

"Yeah. Come."

It was a courtyard at the back of a small old building, it was still early in the morning, the sky was still dark and no one in town was awake. You turned on the car alarm, and guided a still sleepy but very attentive to the details of the new place, Jungkook, to the back door of the building, taking the bunch of keys out of his pocket - of your hoodie that he was wearing. He liked the proximity, the soud of the keys and the smell of the place. Actually the smell was pretty amazing, specially when you opened the door and everything inside got your smell, and others good things.

You noticed his nose working in the air and laughed.

"Is a flower shop. Do you like it?" You asked.

Something made sense to Jungkook, it's not that the place smelled like you, you smelled like flowers because of the place.

"Yeah. Is pretty good." He said still sniffing the air.

"On the first floor we have the shop, on the second the shop office and a photo studio that I rent to a friend... And on the third and fourth is our home." You tell him as you go up the stairs, he following you closely. "Early on, both the store and the office are open, but this should not be a problem if you want to sleep till late."

"Ok."

You two whispered up to the third floor, a small corridor with two doors on one side and windows on the other. You stepped forward to the first door, the entrance to the living room and struggled to fide the rigth key in the dark.

Jungkook noticed a faint light coming from under the door and a murmur inside. There was someone in there. He got alert and slightly apprehensive.

You finally oppened the door and got inside, dropping your heavy bag on the floor, the keys in the corner table, kicking off your boots. Jungkook got inside with short steps, looking around cautiously, looking for the person who would ambush you both. The light was the TV... He smelled a cat.

"Y/n?" A sweet and sleepy voice reached your ears, a little form lifted on the couch. A sniffing soud and the sweet voice got hostile. "Who is this?"

"Yeri, you are here." You smiled, not really caring for the mood changing of her. Jungkook stepped behind you a little. "This is Jungkook. Jungkook, this is Yeri, my cousin."

"Hi." Jungkook tryied.

"What's he doing here? You never brought anyone home ..."

And by anyone she meant hybrids, and Jungkook knows it. He couldn't see her face in the dark, just her luminous cat eyes with vertical pupils, the dominant presence of those who had their territory invaded radiating from her.

"There is always a first time I guess." You say, still ignoring the awkward atmosphere, taking off your cardigan and hanging it on the rack behind the front door. "Are you in the guest room?"

Yeri got up and turned off the TV.

"No. I'm sleeping with you."Clearly she didn't trust Jungkook yet. If you bet, she was ready to sleep in the guest room, but now she decided to sleep with you to protect you from the stranger.

"Ok." You said.

"Ok." She said.

She turned on the light in the corridor, taking a few steps to the top floor, with bare feet and cute pijamas, and then stopped looking at Jungkook. Now he could see her face. The scariest cat he has ever seen. "Welcome to the family." And than she disappeared up the stairs.

Jungkook gulped, not sure what to think about it.

"She liked you." You told him, putting a hand in the small of his back.

"How do you know?" He asked you with round eyes.

"She didn't say she disliked you." You smiled. "Yeri is pretty honest about her feelings."

You took him to a room in the hall, with a messy cat-smelling bed in the middle, an empty desk and an armchair close to the window, and an empty closet. Beside the bed on the floor was an open handbag , with women's clothing showing up.

"She said she wasn't going to sleep here..." Jungkook pointed.

"Yeah, she lied about it. She wouldn't let me put you to sleep on the couch, though..." You went down the hall and came back with another blanket. "Aaaand, this will be your room. You'd better get used to it."

You fixed the sheets and changed the blanket and pillowcases, probably to help with the cat smell, odorless bedding help to make the bed more of him.

"That's what I can offer you for now, after all I wasan't expecting to adopt you. We can fix it later." You tiredly said, picking Yeri's bag from the floor.

"Ah... Don't worry.". Jungkook wanted to say he was already happy with what he got, that being adopted in firts place was more than he expected, that he was greatfull of your caring so far. But he couldn't find the words to put in on.

"Good, bucause I'm dead tired... I need to sleep, and you do too." You gave him a pat in his back, and went to the door. "If you need it, theres a bathroom in the end of the corridor. Good night." And than you closed the door behind you.

Jungkook waited for the sound your staps desapeard to start moving and breathing again. He was in his room! He ran to the window and opened the curtains a little to see outside, it seemed to be a main street in a small town, but Jungkook had never stepped in a small town before to have reference. He tryied the armchair and conclued it was confortable enouth to take a nap on it. The closet was big enough for him to fit in - he tested it - another possible place for good naps. With leaps of joy he imagined all the things he could kept there, the clothes and shoes he didn't have yet but dream of having. Fantasizing about when you were going to take him to shopping, he put the hat on one of the top shelves and closed the double doors carefully, to make any noise. And then threw himself on the bed, scenting the sheets, sighing contentedly. He took off his shoes and placed beside the bad, his wallet in the nigthstand - open like a picture frame, showing the photo of two hybrid little boys embracing and smiling - , and the suffed bunny lying next to him with it's own pillow.

All in this room felt so real to him, as much as your smell. If you said it will be his room so it's true, because se believe in you, and he is so happy.With the thought of a bright future with you Jungkook finally fell asleep again.

___________________________________________________________

Tag list: @stayunderthelights @deolly @panconte

___________________________________________________________

Thakyou!!! Let me know if you liked it... <3 <3 <3 This is a sub blog so I wont respond coments, but I read it all.

#bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts hybrid fic #bts blog #bts fluff #hybrid bts #hybrid jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook imagine #bts angst #dog jungkook #bangtanshadowfamily

368 notes · View notes

curechocolattymilk · 3 years

Text

TES V OC Thingie

[Got tagged by @jessaryss ! ]

Pause your game! Wherever your OC is in their game currently, tell me about their story so far.

✧✧✧ General

Current Level: 56

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Name Meaning: Literally got it from a name generator lol. But lore wise it was a name gifted to them in honor of an Argonian who served beside Tei’s mother during the Great War

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Early 30s where they are story wise???

Race(s): Argonian

Place of Origin: Hammerfell

Pick A Theme Song For Them: oof that's tough... From a Crowded Wound or maybe even Firstwake? If you really played around w personal interpretation/the lyrics that is haha

✧✧✧ Locations

Where Did You Begin Their Game?: Argonian Assemblage, Windhelm (Alternative Start)

Where Are They Currently In Your Game?: Whiterun

What Are They Doing There?: Just finished attending a party held in their honor (Post Blood of Kings)

Homes?: Breezehome, Proudspire, Lakeview & Autmnwatch

# of Locations Discovered?: 274

Dungeons Cleared: 104

Misc. Quests Completed: 87

Favorite Areas and/or Locations: Falkreath / Lakewview Manor. Both areas are where Tei heads off to in order to collect their thoughts/feel some sense of calm.

✧✧✧ Main Quest

Are They Dragonborn / Do They Know It At This Point?: Yes & yes

How Do They Feel About Being Dragonborn: It's...complicated, being thrust into the role of savior by gods of the Cult, which in turn are followed by the folk who see you lesser than them. Tei already has a dislike towards the Divines, this doesn't really help lol

Main Quests Completed: 21

Where Are They In The Main Story Line: Alduin's dead, currently trying to ignore the Civil War as long as they can before the Empire forces its hand into forcing them to join their ranks

Dragon Souls Absorbed: In total overall? 147. The amount currently stored in Tei? 45

Words of Power Learned: 64

Shouts Mastered: 21

Favorite Shout: Firebreath / Dragonrend

✧✧✧ Combat

Most Used Weapon(s): Daedric war axe OR Dragonbone battle axe. Tei technically has both on them at all times during adventuring, alongside a shield, so which they used depends on the situation/which they grab fastest.

Combat Style: Two/One-handed tank. Main tactic is to rush in, cause as much damage/chaos as possible to shake up the opponent, & clean up what the ranged attackers of the party (usually Rumarin, Inigo and/or Lucien) weren't able to deal with.

Armor Type / Level In It: HEAVY ARMOR BABYYYYY (Level 100 + 35 extra points via enchantments)

# of Training Sessions: 99 in-game, lore wise its a lot of self-teaching/keeping their skills learned from Hammerfell sharp. Some of these are magic but lore-wise this doesn't happen cus Tei is not a magic user, save for shouts. I just did those in-game for exp OR so I can help Lucien raise his magic skills :'D

Who Taught Them?: In-game?? Fuuuck so many npcs. Lore-wise? They learned this from their schooling in Hammerfell, going off the canon-lore that it's p much expected for everyone to have a grasp on combat & weaponry! Though they did learn a few things from Kaidan & Anum-La.

Favorite Enemy Type: Dragons! Despite the fact Tei does not have the best magic resistance, it's one hell of a challenge they love to meet.

Least Favorite Enemy Type: Automatons, because of a bad experience with them as a child. Also Undead, because they were raised not to disturb them & it just feels so wrong having to fight them/go into tombs.

People Killed: 945

Animals Killed: 749 (Hunterborn makes hunting fun lol)

Undead Killed: 766

Automatons Killed: 105

Daedra Killed: 136

✧✧✧ Magic

Favorite School(s): None, actually. Destruction is okay though....they guess

Most Used Spell(s): Firebreath or Dragon Aspect. Tei doesn't consider shouts spells though. It's totally different guys shut up they ain't no smelly mage gods

Spells Learned: 9 in-game, mainly due to the spells you're kinda forced to learn for some quests/the ones you automatically know

Items Enchanted: 19 (Tei technically doesn't enchant, and wont next playthrough for sure I wont give in this time >:[ )

College of Winterhold Quests Completed: 8

Where Are They At In The Questline?: Main quest is done bcus i dont like seeing unfinished quests in my journal lmao. Tei's involvement is completely different from canon though in my take. Moreso was hired as a guard for the expedition & was, unwillingly, dragged into the rest of the mess. Is not offered the Archmage position, that went straight to Tolfdir.

Opinions on Magical Guilds (Arcane University, Winterhold, Psijics, Synod, Radiant Dark, etc.): As they get older, they tolerate the guild & magic users more n more, BUT, Tei grew up in an environment that frowns upon the practice of magic, & it shows. They mainly mistrust necromancers/illusionists & still hold onto that belief that reliance on magic, especially for combat, is a weakness.

Bold words for someone with shit magic resistance.

✧✧✧ Crime

Current Gold: 10,640

How Did They Acquire Their Gold?: Odd jobs, selling a lot of the items they made/harvested from smithing & hunting (jewelers are their go-to hirers bcus Tei is great at getting things like ivory), Dwemer ruin diving (they refuse to loot the tombs), also yknow....being part of the Dark Brotherhood helps

Largest Bounty On Their Head: 11,240

For...?: Unfortunately they did not stand down when they were being falsely accused of murder in Markarth. First time Tei called down dragons (Sahrotaar, specifically, Tei managed to get command of Miraak's dragons post-Dragonborn) to absolutely smite some fools.

Current Bounty: None! They're good at not getting caught/threatening and/or bribing guards. :)

Locks Picked: 15 i think?

Jail Time: 1, Cidhna Mine

Jail Escapes: 1, teamed up w the Forsworn lol

Murders: 28

Assaults: 307....In their defense people keep getting in their way during dragon attacks

Items Stolen: 37, most of them from the nobles of Windhelm

Thieves Guild Quests Completed: N/A (wont be doing this storyline unless i cant find a mod that'll let me get the shouts locked behind it)

Dark Brotherhood Quests Completed: 20

Where Are They At In Those Questlines?: DB is completed main arc wise!

✧✧✧ Relationships

Relationship Status: Married to two lovely fellas

Current Companions: atm? none

Housecarls: Lydia & Rayya

Friends (outside of party): Zora Fair-Child, Inigo, Lucien, Anum-La, Morndas, Aela the Huntress, Nazir, Babette, Scouts-Many-Marshes, Isobel, Madesi

Children: Khash, Chases-Starlight, Ram-Ku. (going of where Tei is now - Otero & Mei come around later on in Tei's story!)

Romantic Interest(s): Kaidan & Rumarin.

Sexual Orientation:

GAY

✧✧✧ Religion

Pantheon: Yokudan, with a hint of Hircine worship in there

Patron Deity(ies): From the Yokudan pantheon: Tei mainly views HoonDing as their main patron, but also prays to/pays respect to Satakal.

They are also Hircine's champion.

Daedric Quests Completed: 3 (Hircine, Vile, Dagon - the last Tei didn't really help, moreso pissed off)

Aedric Quests Completed: 1 if you count the whole Alduin thing I guess?

How Devout Are They?: Tei is rather devout, esp to their Yokudan patrons, praying or making offerings daily. They aren't the type to really push it in your face though, but have no issues answering questions one might have.

How Do They Feel About Talos Worship?: Deep down they acknowledge & admit trying to ban worship is terrible, but....Tei also lets their bias/experience with Windhelm, the Stormcloaks & especially Ulfric kinda cloud over this. If the Nords want their old ways so damn much, why fight for a divine from the Imperial Cult? Why not go back to the actual old ways? No, this isn't about worship, not to the men leading this so-called rebellion, they just needed something other than their racist bullshit to fool the common man into throwing their lives away for the nobles sitting comfortable in their thrones.

Also during their whole thing of getting into their role of dragonborn, they get a bonus 'fuck this dude actually' towards Talos, Ysmir, whatever the fuck he calls himself. (tldr; it sucks but good luck hearing Tei say that fully)

✧✧✧ Politics

Gray-Mane or Battle-Born?: Neither, ask them again they will punch you for the love of Ruptga they get asked that every time they enter Whiterun.

Stormcloaks or Imperials?: Also neither, Tei hates em both n think they can all choke. Unfortunately they were forced to join the latter due to, yknow, calling dragons & causing massive damage in Imperial territories during isolated fits of rage and the group being more aggressive in wanting something in return for "letting it slide"....oops

Opinion on the Thalmor?: Oh absolutely despises them, they loudly complained having to work with them during the CW & would go out their way to disrupt their plans/piss them off. Sneaking was an option they did not take during the Embassy quest, if it helps paint the picture.

Opinion Of Ulfric Stormcloak?: Tei doens't say they hate people often...but they sure as hell hate Ulfric. Again, their experience in Windhelm added to this heavily, how both the Dunmer & Argonians were treated like shit, with no help whatsoever from the Jarl or guards when the local Nords targeted them. It's still up in the air if I keep this for Tei's story, but I have it where they knew Chases-Starlight's parents, who were killed. When Tei went up & demanded justice/an investigation, only to be brushed off because it "wasn't a priority," it completely destroyed what little empathy or hope they had left for Windhelm as a whole.

Opinion of The Empire?: Cowards too weak to continue fighting back against the Thalmor, in their opinion, & holds these views they grew up with even when being strong-armed into aiding them. If anything they're at least attempting to use their influence to hint towards a rebellion against the Thalmor, but the Empire could also full-on dissolve & they could give less of a shit.

Civil War Quests Completed: 0

✧✧✧ Personal

How Are They Doing? Need Some Juice? A Nap? A Hug?: The whole event of Blood of Kings has fucked with their head, to say the least. It's the starting point of Tei's eventual spiral. So uh...yeah they're not sure how they're doing everything they knew about reality was kinda challenged & they don't rlly have anyone to talk to about it so its cool, its fine, its all good.

A nap is probably needed, not sure about a hug theough they're super flinchy rn

Days Past In Game: 196

Hours of Sleep: 846

Food Items Consumed: 1833

How Many Playthroughs Have You Done With This Character: Tei actually is an older character from the 360 days so uh...maybe 5 at most? This playthrough & their S:EC one coming up when the mod releases being the main ones focusing on their story

Overall How's Your Level Of Fun: Alright I would say! I just been stepping away from Skyrim more often lately to avoid burning out from it

Must Have Mods To Play This Character (for story or other reasons): Ordinator, Wintersun Faiths, Immersive Armors, Sarcastic Player Dialogue, 3DNPC, Inigo, Lucien Flavius, Kaidan 2, Khash the Argonian, Alternative Start, Leviathan Animations, Beast Race Body Paints, Beast HHBB, Apocalypse Magic, Deadly Dragons, Growl: Werewolf Overhaul, Pronouns, uhhh....idk what else without actually listing my current modlist lmao

----

And that's it for Tei! Anyone who wants to do this go on ahead!

#tes v #tes v skyrim #last dragonborn #ldb oc #jeerteiperdes #tes #skyrimblogging #oc meme #long post #character meme #finished this just in time for me to start registering for my online courses neato #also its almost 12am so if you notice any misgendering of tei (calling them he) lmk im tired haha

9 notes · View notes

red-elric · 4 years

Text

furuba but it’s kimi instead of tohru :))

- so those of you who have read my one furuba fic (hey read my furuba fic) know that i kinda have some hcs for kimi’s family life? summarized: bio mom left when she was a kid bc her dad was cheating; she has a step mom, dad still cheats and the step mom knows about it but is okay with it as long as the dad tells her she’s his favorite; step mom and kimi have this passive aggressive relationship where they’re both trying to prove they’re the dad’s favorite, meanwhile dad’s a gaslighting piece of crap. anyway in this au, step mom and kimi get into a fight and step mom tries to kick her out, which only works bc kimi got fed up and decided to leave anyway (dad wasn’t around at the time, or he would’ve tried to calm things down prolly). kimi stubbornly ends up living in a tent bc she’s way too proud to ask anyone for help (and she doesn’t have many friends), shigure and yuki find her, etc etc etc

- tohru DOES exist, but her grandfather’s health issues aren’t as severe, so she stays living with him in ignorance of the sohma family curse. the whole drama w kyo and kyoko and everything still happened with her, and the kyoru is like kind of a side story happening in the background (with some shenanigans about whether or not tohru found out about the curse somehow maybe) but it’s KIMI TIME in this au

- i feel like it’s really important to mention that kimi’s first instinct, when shigure yuki and kyo turned into animals in front of her for the first time, was to whip out her phone and vague tweet ‘sohma yuki is a RAT!!!!’ she gets sworn to secrecy by the sohmas right after, but the talk of the school the next day is ‘what the hell did the prince do to get called out by kimi???’ she gets ‘harassed’ by the prince yuki club about ‘besmirching the prince’s good name,’ which obviously turns into kimi harassing the prince yuki club right back (i imagine she plays the whole thing off as a ‘lovers’ momentary spat,’ from which they ‘worked out and made up very quickly and enthusiastically o3-’)

- kimi still isn’t in yuki and kyo’s class! she’s also much, MUCH more difficult for either of them to deal with, and weirdly, yuki and kyo sort of.... end up spending a lot more time together than they do in canon? they kind of come to a truce of ‘kimi and shigure are way too difficult to deal with,’ at least at home, and they don’t have a tohru buffer to lean on this time. kimi has like. next to no interest in yuki or kyo, so honestly their relationships dont develop that much. HOWEVER, when she meets kagura and the prince yuki club (and any time she interacts with them), she tends to hang ALL OVER kyo or yuki with the specific intent of pissing off the girls, because she really likes to start shit like that

- kimi’s a business oriented girl. she wants SHIGURE to be her SUGAR DADDY. shigure joked along with her flirting at first, but quickly realized that she might actually be serious, so now he’s kind of afraid of her??? in that, he avoids being caught alone in a room with her and will occasionally beg kyo or yuki to help him (they never do--shigure deserves the harassment).

- kyo and yuki don’t have a big three dynamic with kimi the way they do in canon with tohru. you know who are the other two to kimi’s big three??? MOMIJI AND HARU. momiji is DELIGHTED by kimi, and the two of them co-conspire often in all sorts of things. they plan family trips, prank other sohmas, and gossip like NOBODIES business. kimi and haru, on the other hand, both have a certain ‘unstoppable chaotic force’ energy, and they get along quite well too. the three of them being so close helps a lot with filling in the gaps where kimi doesn’t quite fit the shoes of being a kind, loving heroine like tohru; kimi has the force of personality to point out when the sohmas and their family situations are being ridiculous, and momiji and haru are kind and loving enough to provide comfort and support to a lot of the family.

- yuki at whatever point in the story: i think... i should accept the offer to be the student council president. it’d be good for my character development and self confidence and whatever. / kimi from the next room over: YUN! omg we can spend so much more time together now! takei asked me to join the student council as a secretary JUST this morning :))

- kimi and kakeru are friends at the beginning of the story! kimi has a crush on him and he’s a) oblivious and a dick about it and b) gay (my au my rules it’s fuckin endgame yukeru in this bitch. komaki is his beard and she’s fully aware of that lahfkdsjflkdshfksdjflkds). kimi HATES that she has a crush on this wimpy eboy and and it’s a point of tension between them :)) especially once yukeru endgame starts being more and more obvious

- at the beginning of the story, kimi...... doesnt take momiji seriously as a potential romantic partner. big big part of her arc is recognizing that the tall, traditionally attractive boys arent always the best romantic options, though, and she does eventually start to fall for him :)) and THEN he grows like eight inches in a month and she starts calling him an investment lahfkdsjfksdhjfdshfksjlkfsjl

- the beach akito/kimi/momiji confrontation is CHARGED because MOMIJI is there and he’s in DANGER and kimi gets fuckin PISSED because that’s HER friend, her boy, her ONE. akito talks shit and kimi talks fuckin shit back and they get in a full on catfight. they’re screaming at each other, clawing at each other. kureno has to physically pull akito away; kimi only doesnt chase after them because momiji is hurt. this is a major moment in kimi’s slow realization of her feelings for momiji :))

- kimi and rin, once rin makes up with haru and is able to relax a little, become a seething, curse fighting TEAM. on the other hand..... the argument of ‘the curse WILL break, eventually’ ends up working on kimi, even though she feels strange about it. she cares about kyo, to an extent, but it’s a lot easier for her to give up on him than it was for tohru in canon, for obvious reasons.

- when his curse breaks, momiji has someone to tell :,))

- tohru visits shigure’s house one morning to tell kyo about her feelings. akito stabs kureno, runs to shigure’s house, and has a conversation with tohru (who she has never met before lahfdlsfjdskfjdfksl) screaming about ‘oh are you some bitch here to confess to kyo?? guess fuckin WHAT he belongs to me, to us, he’s getting locked up in the spring, fuck you’ but uhh tohru has had a lot of offscreen development and whatnot and she ends up getting thru to akki. and then she falls off a fuckin cliff lhfkdsjfkdsjflksjfdlks you know how the story goes. anyway kimi had spent the night at momiji’s house and comes back to the WEIRDEST mood layfldskdsjfieuwfjkdskhggkdasjflkdsjlkjflkds

- oh and for good measure: uo goes to college instead of following kureno, akki and shigure get couple therapy. yukeru are gay, momiji and kimi live happily ever after. the end :))

#it me #fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #kimi toudou #momiji sohma #hatsuharu sohma #momiji/kimi #momimi #au post #kimi au #dont mind me im just havin fun lahfkdsfhkdsjfkldsjflkds

41 notes · View notes

nathaniel-harold · 4 years

Text

is that [CHARLES MICHAEL DAVIS]? no, that’s just [NATHANIEL HAROLD]. [HE/HIM] is [THIRTY FIVE] years old and is a [HOMICIDE DETECTIVE]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [THIRTY TWO YEARS ON AND OFF]. on a good day, they’re [LEVEL HEADED & TRUSTWORTHY]. but watch out! they can also be [IRRITABLE & DISTANT]. [DONT STOP ME NOW BY QUEEN] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! [nessa, 23, est, she/her]

ABOUT

Nathaniel was originally born in Queens, NY. His parents divorced when he was three, causing him and his mother to move out of Queens and to Springhill, NJ. Because of the move, Nate wasn’t able to see his father as much, but something was better than nothing. His father hadn’t made much effort to see him anyway.

He was energetic as a kid. Running around the house, getting one too many bruises from bumping his head or arms along different pieces of furniture....every kid’s dream, no? In school, he was put into different sports to try and tire him out before he got home. His mother was a lawyer, and dealing with a rowdy child 24/7 was a handful and, while she did love him, there were some days she just needed peace and quiet.

Sports as a child lead Nate to playing sports in high school. Football, soccer, basketball, you name it. You could consider him a popular kid, but maybe without the mean jock stereotypes. He had friends in many circles and, looking back on his high school years, Nathaniel could genuinely say he loved that time of his life.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, however. Although it looked like he had his life together, he really didn’t. Nathaniel was struggling to figure out what he wanted to do in life. Should he go to college on an athletic scholarship? What college did he want to go to, did he even want to go...? His mother thought the idea of not going to college - not getting any sort of degree, rather - was unfathomable.

As his senior year winded down, Nate decided to join the military - the Army to be specific. Two weeks after his graduation, he left to start his military career. He was hesitant at first, he wouldn’t lie. The military wasn’t for everyone...maybe it wasn’t even for him, but he didn’t turn back.

Nathaniel served in the military for eight years before deciding to walk away from it. He was 26 years old. Although he had his fair share of scrapes, bruises, and then some, Nate decided it was time to leave and pick a different path. When he got back home to Springhill, he became a police officer. He worked as an officer for the next three years before being promoted to detective, which he’s worked as ever since.

PERSONALITY

Nathaniel is a fairly outgoing guy. He can make friends with ease and can talk to just about anyone. He’s always there if someone needs support and/ or a shoulder to cry on. He prides himself on being their for his community, work aside. He loves a good laugh and a good night out every once in a while, but he also loves to stay in and watch tv just as much. On a rough day, Nate can be pretty finicky and quiet. Some days he can get in his head a little too much and starts overthinking.

Because of everything he’s seen and been through during his time in the military and even on the police force, Nate attends group and private therapy sessions once a week. He tends to keep that aspect of his life to himself and his close friends.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

I would love some childhood friends/ high school friends/ BROMANCES yes please.

Ex-turned-close friend from highschool

Ex(es) from after highschool

Mutual crush/ potential girlfriend (this one will need to be plotted. I’d prefer 30+ for age, but if the vibe and chemistry is there then whatever age works)

#springhillintro

9 notes · View notes

nonbinaryresource · 4 years

Note

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

28 notes · View notes

the-necessary-unnecessary · 4 years

Note

uswnt anon here! yeah like you said, i believe there must be a loophole that Press managed to make use of, but i do think that that mightve only been a temporary/short term solution. afterall, she ended up going to utah after 3 months of her second stint at Kopparbergs/Göteborg. i do wonder if Houston didnt trade her rights then, what wouldve happened (the whole Houston debacle is another highlight of how cruel the trade system is, on top of even more recent stories of players like Stengel). (1)

but i completely agree with you about the terms of the NWSL. i think it's been made abundantly clear, by national and international players (ie Asllani, Henry) and pundits alike, that the NWSL's model is doing them in. i know a lot, if not all, of us hate it when people like to chalk up the league to be the best in the world, but i believe that's just misplaced analysis because the players of best (im going off by recent results/rankings here) team in the world play there.

it's clear that the way things are run, that USSF cares more about maintaining their national team status than the proper maintenance of the NWSL. but i also do think that as long as the NWSL keeps its really weird season schedule, that the USWNT cant (excluding the actual clause that they have to play in the league) find it in their heart to leave the league, knowing how horribly wrong it can all go.

i think the draft system is also what's affecting the youth teams. the draft system takes in your collegiate athletes, and while great for those athletes, it also screws with whoever cant go to university. which is a whole other conversation about privilege but let's leave it at that for now. i think what we might have missed out on about youth development is that other countries have club academies. the NWSL doesnt have that. their collegiate athletes are their "development/youth" players when compared to other leagues. and i do think in the long run, this will mess with them since other national teams are just getting younger and younger with more investment. Harvey can be seen as the saviour of the youth teams but i do believe the reality is that the problem lies within the NWSL and USSF-USWNT system. and i think, as i believe most of us do, that so long as the system doesnt change, the USWNT/NWSL will suffer. i dont think they'll be dethroned so easily but it's not benefitting them, especially when salary caps (even though recently increased) exist for international players while the transfer market values will keep rising. we'll probably see more and more migrations like the aussies have done this season (probably the kiwis next).

i'd like to link some articles if you wouldnt mind! and i also do realise how the articles will make me look like a Caitlin Murray fan, which i am but i swear the articles of her i found to send this ask were coincidental (i mean she's one of the USWNT's best journalists so it's probably why they’re from her). (6)

here's the Press saga: amp(.)theguardian(.)com/football/2018/mar/13/christen-press-houston-dash-trade-womens-soccer-uswnt how club academies would benefit USWNT/NWSL: sports(.)yahoo(.)com/amphtml/how-wed-fix-soccer-homegrown-rule-academies-would-be-good-for-nwsl-and-uswnt-180254345(.)html (8)

a piece that highlights how being a USWNT player binds you to the NWSL with the time Horan left PSG: equalizersoccer(.)com/2016/01/04/psg-terminates-contracts-for-horan-asllani/ Hope Solo's piece on privilege of football in the USA: amp(.)theguardian(.)com/football/2018/sep/04/usa-womens-soccer-team-white-hope-solo sorry it got so long again! (9)

once again I couldn’t agree with you more! It’s true that there’s more than just them being contractually bounded to the NWSL, even if they were able to get around this USSF holds more power over them than they hold over USSF when they’re holding trophies, medals and olympics over their heads especially. Plus the summer schedule the league has does nothing to help the situation since it’s very hard to join a winter season European league for a full season or something. Obviously now would be as good a time as any to transition given the shorter nature of the challenge cup, but I don’t see this happening on such short notice for many reasons.

As for the youth team conversation, it’s the case in most of not all places that elite sport is a privileged department, but I particularly see this to be the case in the US where football from a young age, right up to college even if you get a scholarship, is really damn expensive to stay in. So I definitely agree with you that this is a very limiting factor on the pool of athletes they get. Hope Solo’s article about this too is also very insightful, stuff like “Imagine if the next LeBron James played soccer. But I don’t think we’re even looking for players in places like Akron, Ohio” proper puts things into perspective about privilege beyond just paying for training and playing but also scouting location etc. Definitely an uncomfortable and though-provoking must read.

Youth academies, like both you and that article said, are an important step on the path towards development and yet they’re practically nonexistent and unused in the nwsl. Plus I really like Murray’s point about homegrown talent rule, I think that could be really beneficial on a lot of levels if it is finally put into place. Also she mentions the difference in resources between NCAA unis and nwsl clubs like an anon mentioned here earlier, which tbh is pretty shocking to me. Like how can university facilities be more competent and welcoming than elite club ones?? The fact that some call it the best league in the world when financially it is so on edge is pretty mind-boggling in my opinion.

Thanks for the link to the Press saga too, a very interesting more indepth insight into all that mess which honestly looks like not much was learnt from. I also like her point between women and men when they are forced to play somewhere they don’t want to, since there are both less viable options and also less mega-large pay checks involved to influence their decisions. With the Horan article being more of the same about being forced back to the US for an uswnt shot, again against what she would have preferred to do in a first instance. Plus it’s interesting that Gulati actually specifically states the contractual binding by saying that “It was actually part of our contractual agreement with the women’s national team that they would play in this [NWSL] league”. I’ll leave it there for now because this is getting way too long but thanks once again for all your resources and points to consider!!

#uswnt #nwsl #futfem salaries #the asks

7 notes · View notes

ardentlythieving · 5 years

Text

Heyyyy everybody welcome back to the rambling with Ardent show coz yet again I’ve been having thoughts and typing them out helps me process them so here they are. As always if u rebagel i kill you but like,,,, not today or tomorrow just one day...... ummm putting this one under a cut and like tw: abuse coz im gonna be talking quite heavily about that hhhhh.

Hi, I’m Ardent and I’m an introvert. “But Ardent you act like the LEAST introverted person I know”. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buckle up peeps coz all will be explained... eventually. This one is gonna be a long one.

Ok so I’m not 100% on where to take this one so it might be kinda messy, but y’all can just deal yea coz that’s what my brain is like All The Time. Anyways. I guess it started when I was REALLY young. Not the abuse itself, that’ll tie in later but. Fun Ardent Fax number 67: I was homeschooled until I was about 9. And here’s a free secret from me: homeschooling + adhd = a 9y/o who doesn’t reallly know how to relate to other ppl. Hella shy, hella nervous, bad at making friends. Got bullied quite a bit, it was whatever. Safe to say I was a pretty Lonely Kid. This isn’t part of the abuse, but it did set me up for it I guess. Like, it made me vulnerable in a specific way that someone could, and did, exploit.

When I was 12 was when I met her. She has quite a unique name and despite what she did to me I don’t wanna doxx her so imma call her NJB for nutjob bitch because I can be nasty if I want to and right now I want to. Shut up, this is my post not urs. Anyways, we were in the same class, we were both cut off from any other friends we had at that point due to them being in different classes and we kinda.. fell in together. Around this point was also when my mom got diagnosed with cancer, which will become relevant later. Back to the story. So for about a year, maybe a little longer everything was great. We got really close really quickly. She was probably my first Real Best Friend since I started school. Now the year before I HAD made some friends, but like I said, they all got put in other classes. And I was so friggin scared of going back to being that lonely that I got real close to her real fast.

Then we started high school/college/whatever you wanna call it. And that was the point where things got.... weird. NJB started lying. About a ton of shit. And it was stuff that I KNEW was bullshit, but if I didn’t take her seriously enough she got pissy at me. And then like a week later wow, lie no longer relevant, wonder why that is??? Lmao. Now at this point there were other people in our group of friends. Who had all joined the group through NJB. This should’ve been a MASSIVE red flag, but I was like 13 or 14, so I didn’t pick up on it. Basically anyone else I wanted to hang out with, she wasn’t interested in getting to know. And if I hung out with other ppl and tried to become friends with them she started getting very pissy about that. And like... she was my Best Friend and these were people with Friend Potential and I didn’t wanna be lonely again so it was really no contest.

And at this point she got bored of general lies and started lying about ME. Everything would be fine for a while and then she’d be like “why did you do/say this?” And it was something that NEVER happened. And sometimes she wouldn’t even explicitly say what I supposedly did, she’d just tell me that “I know what I did” (no i dont coz it never happened) and then she’d call me an ugly bitch or whatever. I could apologise or I could try and remind her that it never happened or I could just say nothing and take it and it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t talk to me, she’d stop our other friends from talking to me, and I would just be isolated for a while. A couple of times she threatened to beat me up, although she never actually did.

And then she’d be all “I forgive you” or she wouldn’t even do that she’d just act like it never happened and was all ready to be friends again and I didn’t HAVE anyone else and I hated hated hated being so LONELY and would’ve done anything to stop. And I think there was also a bit of me that was scared of what she would do if I said no. So I’d go back to being her friend and everything would be great and fun and wonderful for a while and then it would happen again. And again. And again. For about a year.

Then my mom died. And I took a month off school. And two weeks after I got back, she did it again. Yeah. My mom had been dead 6 weeks and she decided this was the perfect time to make up lies about the depressed girl. I lost it. I literally threw myself at her. I got pulled off her and just kept trying to kick her, but I couldn’t and I was sent out of class. Didn’t get in trouble for it, but I got to spend that class sitting in the library reading and it was the only class I had with her so... probably for the best lmao. And on the very last day of school for the year she came up to me and acted like nothing had happened and I was so relieved to not have to be alone anymore and that she’d forgiven me for attacking her that I just.... went along with it. For another year or two. And then I finally had other friends and one day she started one of those lies that weren’t about me, but I was supposed to be ultra sympathetic to and I just. Walked away.

And then the abuse itself was over, but the trauma was still there. And I repressed it so fuckin deep I only really remembered this shit all happened about a month ago. I got scared right, like deep down all the way inside me, of being that dependent on one person ever again that I would let them treat me like that because being alone was worse. And that was the point when I became an extrovert. I forced myself into that role of talking to as many disconnected people as possible and having as many different groups as possible because it was the only way I felt safe. Because she didn’t start that shit until at least a year into our friendship, so how tf was I supposed to believe that the new people in my life would 100% never hurt me like that? I still don’t know how. So I coped the only way I could: by making sure that even if someone DID pull that shit and cut me off from a group of friends I had other options.

It also meant I have... issues dealing with loss. Because I DID have one other friend for the first year that was going on. And then she moved to Australia and I was totally alone. So I guess I started associating losing friends with becoming dependent on one person again, which ironically enough made me more and more dependent on anyone I thought I was losing. That’s one I’m working through. Now that I’ve realized it’s what’s going on I can actually start addressing it and tbh I feel so much better now I am. Still don’t know how to deal with the whole “im forcing myself to act like an extrovert even when it exhausts me coz it’s the only way i feel safe”, but it’s whatever. I’m on meds now and I have a good support network and I’ve started therapy. One day I’ll figure it out. I’ve been living like this for this long, I can keep it up until I reach somewhere better.

And I guess that’s my sign off reminder. Whatever you’re going through, you’ve survived it this long. You can keep surviving until you reach somewhere better. One day we’ll all get to be a person we’re happy with, we just gotta hold on and work to it together. Ardently, signing out.

#ardently original #tw: abuse #cw: abuse #donut rebagel #the introspection with ardent show

3 notes · View notes

comiiical · 3 years

Text

Started (and didn’t finish because of all the prudist bullshit behind, generalization and overall judgement) a video on youtube and now I need teacher-student relationships. So, since I am going to open Stephen (Froy) who wants to give me a teacher for him? No Tops rule applied. May also open his main younger version with Thomas because reasons. And Peyton can also have a college teacher (?)

Like seriously, power imbalances happen in every relationship, if we are going to judge one that doesn’t really have power imbalances unless the teacher is literally forcing the st udent to sleep them in order to get a good grade, or the student is sleeping with the teacher to get said grade, I am sorry, but it is not worth my time watching it. Was it bad on Riverdale? Yes. It was. Because she took full on advantage of him. Was it bad on gilmore girls? Yes, it was, because he tripled her age and was completely unattractive. Is it bad on GG’s reboot? I CANT TELL because I haven’t awtched, but all I have seen is Thomas’ character being PREDATORY TOWARDS THE TEACHER not the other way around. Was it bad with Ezria? HELL TO THE NO. Sorry, but no. In that case? In that specific case in particular? No. They met outside, she lied about her age, they had it going. Then she pressed him onto and he continued because he liked her. And did their notes get affected? did the imbalance affect their relationship? No. Secrecy, yeah sure. But the imbalance of power that this video is constantly saying? No. Actually, let’s talk about power imbalance: let’s talk about Will Schuester forcing Finn. Let’s talk about Mean Girls’ teacher forcing Hady to join the club. Those were not romantic relationships, and both teachers abused their powers.

Let’s talk about rich men and women forcing poor men and women to do their bidding because without them they wuoldn’t have a life. Or benefits, or whatever. That’s power imbalance. But in teacher-student realtionships, they’re NON. There’s a potential for it if the guy or woman is a piece of trash? Yes. I KNOW FOR GOOD AND ON MY OWN SKIN THIS CAN HAPPEN. But you cannot generalised. You cannot treat the error as the rule. Because It’s not. Just like not every Cop will kill you if you raise your voice to them. Just like not every waiter will spit on your drink if they have a bad day. Like, dude. Generalization is awful. And trying to keep and continue this trend of undermining 2 conselting adults choices (in the specifics where they are so) is a mistake. Also undermining the power of decision of a young person, minor or not, is also bad? “If they’re 19 they’re still teenagers”. DUDE DUUUUDE. Some are teenagers with 32. But if the relationship is 19-28 I am sorry but that age difference is in no way dangerous. Much more when the 19 person is far more mature than the other. Like seriously. Let’s stop treating everything as a problem, shall we?

Let’s note when it is a problem yes. As I said, I identify in the reboot that Thomas’ character behavior is predatory. The one I have seen initated by him. What the teacher has done? I dont know? But that comes after a predatory behavior from him. You know, Like Ma*nus Bane was predatory towards Alec Ligh*wood, to name another case of power imbalance that is often ignored and never judged. Or Heck, even Jacob Black was a fucking wolf after his prey when it came to Bella and everyone complained about Edward just because he was older. Man, seriously, seriously. Like. For fucks sake. Identify the problem, there’s no issue. But don’t make it the fucking norm and extend it to everything. I dont even remember a teacher-student relationship in the original Gossip Girl, probably because I stopped watching by the time (apparently Dan) had it happening. And I remember being uncomfortable by Friend’s relationship? But it was.. severely judged by the characters in it and it still proved possible? Also, it happene like... YEARS AND YEARS after their teacher-student connection was over? It was a connection after he left? Not during? So? Like? Seriously?

Look at Sakura’s father and Nadeshiko, her mother. They were student teacher. She was 16. That was a problem (culturally accepted in Japan though) and still, it is severely implied there was never an imbalance in their relationship. Severely implied as well that there was no more than the often passive love that asian culture displays. Severely implied too that Touya and his teacher did no more than kissing if kissing. And even if this I identified as a problem it was also solved well: one relationship didn’t advance until both were consenting adults and had given their entire consideration to it all. The other simply didn’t advance because it was not good. She left, put seas between them, and left him to grow his crush out. So yeah. IDK man. I just I am pissed lol sorry for the granting

also sorry for the unpopular opinion. But this conversation will forever leave me a bad body. I have seen whatit’s like to be abused by adults and teachers. And it really really annoys me to see certain words used in this context, extremely wrong.

#borriquito como tú tururú ( ooc )#unpopular opinion

0 notes

thejourneytofindingmyself · 4 years

Text

The story so far

After 10 years of struggling with my mental health and having multiple diagnosis' along the way including OCD, social anxiety, anorexia nervosa and depression, I now recognise that the underlying factor causing my struggles may be undiagnosed autism.

Throughout my life I have felt like everyone has been given a guide book to tell them how to be human, how to behave and how to interact. All of these things are confusing to me. A year or so ago I remember asking my partner and family why people feel the need to say morning and bye when they leave the office. Before this, people would say morning to me and bye and I wouldn't say anything because I did not understand the need to? If I'm there or going, why say it? Isn't it obvious? I have learnt now that this is "normal" so I do it. I struggle with conversations. When is it my turn to speak? What should I reply? Am I giving the right amount of eye contact? Do i need to reply to that? When I talk to people, I don't feel the need to look at them but I know this is something that should be done? When I look at people it makes me very uncomfortable and I feel like eyes give out a lot of emotion which can be difficult to take in. I go through stages where I use certain sentences such as "I'll let you off" or "oh dear" or "right" in conversations, they seem to be my go to words when I am unsure what to say. A lot of my conversations are scripted and I say the things that feel right for that conversation.

Sometimes people talk to me and I have no idea what they are saying or what they mean. I often have to get people to repeat themselves and really force myself to concentrate in order to understand. I recently went out on a saturday for the first time ever with work colleagues and was asking someone I work with what I should talk about in the car on the way. She explained that you cant really plan it, it just depends on the conversation. It seems these things come natural to other people but for me they need to be planned and I worry about them a lot. I much prefer texting or emailing someone rather than actually going to them and saying something face to face. Even if I'm in the same room I prefer to do it just to avoid the interaction.

I know that I often come across as uninterested. And a lot of my replies are mainly yeah, yeah, yeah. I also find that I regularly reply in sentences with that's nice or I don't care. If something doesn't interest me or doesn't affect me, I dont tend to be bothered about it.

I sometimes repeat what people say. Especially when with my partner Meg or people I am more comfortable around. This is because it sometimes helps me to process it and I just get the urge to repeat it. I often say phrases or songs relating to an object or what we are talking about for an example when moving the doorbell, "ding dong the Avon lady" 😂😂

A lot of the time people at work will say "I'm only joking!!!" And I don't realise. Sometimes the tone I use must be wrong or come across in a different way to what I mean. For example someone I work with saying I'm snapping and saying something like "give me my head back!!" But I do not mean for it to come across like that.

I hate training or team meetings etc. It is very overwhelming being with a lot of people. I could not participate in the activities in my recent training day. I just stayed sitting down when asked to get up and move around and talk to people. My manager has asked me regularly how these sitations make me feel as she can sense that I am uncomfortable however I haven't been able to find the words that's why I ended up writing all of my difficulties down to show her. Then during the day at training, I ended up leaving the room because things got too much. I often have to do this. Especially in busy places like restaurants. I also have to specifically pick the seat. "Dr Campbell says social masking requires considerable effort and this usually results in extreme exhaustion, necessitating periods of social isolation. "Some of my clients use the term 'peopling', so when they've been 'peopling' for a long time, that they would then like to have a period of not 'peopling'," she says."

At another training day a few months ago, I also really struggled with an introduction activity and found that I kept going to speak when the person delivering the training was still taking and I did not know at what point was my turn. I feel like maybe this was the trigger point of my recent low episode. I was really embarrassed and thought why cant I just be normal and know what to say and do. I never know whether people have just paused or finished talking? I also find it difficult when people don't say what they mean. I need people to be very direct with me. An example of this is a manager at work saying that she walks further to smoke, I asked if it's in case she gets wrong off the big boss and she said yes however I still stood in the same place to smoke and didn't realise till that night when discussing it with my partner that this might have been a hint. I feel I spend a lot of time going over conversations I have had with people and what was said. I also have found that people say to me a lot including my managers, what are you trying to say??? When I am trying to explain a situation.

Another example of difficulties with social situations is getting a takeaway. I forgot once that we needed to pay with cash and I just shut the door in his face whilst i went and got the money and didn't realise how inappropriate this was to not say two seconds. Another example, someone talking to me in the lift on holiday and I got out and didn't say bye? Only realised this wasn't normal when I told my partner. Another example when people want to small talk. There is just no need for this. I would prefer to sit in silence. When people say comments such as "watch the floor", I actually stood still at work recently when a cleaner said this and was going to watch the floor until I realised that they meant not to actually watch the floor. I find that I take things very literally. I remember as a child when an advert was on the telly and I literally thought nannas knit shreddies. Like why is banana bread called banana bread???? It isn't bread. As a child my mam took me to the doctors and I was diagnosed with OCD. I used to line up all my stuff on my dresser table and was very particular about things like needing my curtain tucked behind my radiator, needing all my teddies lined up in a certain way and needing my duvet tucked in a certain way. I needed to check windows were locked etc. Looking back, I also remember not playing with toys in a normal way. I used to like lining up my friends army men. I had bratz and polly pockets but didn't necessarily play with them. I would line them up and dress and undress them. I would love going round friends houses and cleaning their rooms/organising their stuff. Growing up I have really struggled with mental health and developed anorexia in school. In school, I struggled with relationships. I felt I had to fit in. I completely left my primary school friends and dressed and tried to be like the "popular" people. In primary school I regularly fell out with friends and moved from one "best friend" to another. I also struggled knowing how to maintain friendships and found I was very intense and all or nothing. Friendships are also always still only on my terms. I was invited out for dinner with the "popular" group in secondary but I never talked or joined in because I didn't know how. I went to Alton towers with one of the girls and she fell out with me after because we did not talk whilst we were there. I get very attached to people very quickly. Will say love you etc.. My reports started to decline in secondary school and I regularly got detentions and sent out of classrooms for attempting to be the class clown and fit in. Looking back I think this was copied behaviour. In school and college I also developed intense relationships with some teachers I felt I connected with. I would often leave class to seek out these teachers and spent a lot of time out of lessons in student support. In college and university, I refused to work with other people. I preferred it on my own. I would sit outside the classroom in college to do my work because I preferred it and found the class to loud. In university, I only really had one friend and again hated working with other people and group work. I much prefer to be able to do things my way and don't like sharing ideas or communicating. I have found that I got bullied in college a lot because of leaving lessons and people thinking I was a "snob" because I did not talk. I still find it difficult to be friends with people and find that I don't know the right way to be ? How often should I talk to them, should I send another message, do they not like me they haven't replied? It's all very confusing. I also find it difficult knowing what the boundaries are with my managers and how "cheeky" I can be??? I will also go through stages where I eat certain things repeatedly for a few weeks and then wont eat them again for a while. This was even more so the case when I was a teenager with anorexia.

A couple of years ago my 4 year old niece was diagnosed with autism. Last year I dealt with a case, a 16 year old girl who had autism but was not diagnosed until she was 17. I found a lot of similarities between myself and this girl and found I could really relate to her difficulties including self harm, depression and school issues. I also went to a training event around autism in girls and masking and found a lot of similarities. I am also now working with an 11 year old child who has not yet been diagnosed and find I can also relate and see a lot of similarities with what he says. For example issues with waiting. I hate waiting and get really really anxious. And issues with routine. I love routine and find it really difficult if my partner just says should we go out somewhere. I like things to be planned. He also paces around the room. I tend to do this if I am anxious or waiting.

I constantly bounce my leg and find that it is soothing. It helps to lower my anxiety. At home I also find that I will start doing things such as rocking without even noticing and moving my feet or toes. I also spend most of the time chewing my gums or lips and think this is an anxiety related thing.

I struggle with other day to day stuff. Like knowing left and right. Reading a 24 hour clock. Constantly losing things, even if I have just had them. Losing my phone, my keys. All the time. This really stresses me out. I will have it a minute ago and then just cant find it. A lot of the time when I am walking into a room with people in or feeling overwhelmed I will dig my nails in to my fingers or hand. Or in the shops.

Prior to taking antidepressants, I would really get angry and would do things such as hit myself and punch things if things were not right. For example my hair on a morning needs to feel perfect, or if I couldn't find a place to park my car. I still get really annoyed at the smallest things.

I also get really overwhelmed about things for example on a night knowing we have to have tea, clean the house, do the dishes, have a shower ect. This overwhelms me and I get angry about this at times. This leads to me snapping at people. I like a routine of having a bath by 6pm and having tea around 7.30pm.

Although I do struggle with things at work such as talking to people and knowing how to interact with colleagues etc, it doesn't affect my role. I feel as if my role is very structured and routined. I feel I do relate to "masking" at work and this is why I am often so exhausted when I get home.

I feel like it often takes me quite a while to respond to people because I need time for me to know what to reply. I only realise I don't reply straight away when people are waiting for an answer. I also don't often understand emotions. How I am feeling and how other people are feeling. I often have the view, shit happens. The child I spoke about earlier recently said to me "I didn't learn how to feel in primary". I got that. I struggle with these things to. I struggle to be empathetic and understand other people's views and emotions. My grandad died recently, while he was poorly I would say to people when they asked how he was "dying" people thought this was blunt and brutal but it was the truth. And after he died i would regularly come out with my grandads dead. I think this was my way of trying to process it.

I am also really blunt and straight to the point with people. For example "you can leave now". "Your pissing me off" I don't really think about how my comments might impact someone. I remember when I was around my childminders at about the age of 8 or 9 and i said to someone "are you not going home yet I'm sick of the sight of your face". I remember my childminder being absolutely gob smacked at this.

I really struggle with "fashion" and what goes together. I much prefer just feeling comfortable.

Sometimes when I get home from work I literally could just lie in darkness in bed and not talk for the rest of the night.

I often have to be told instructions multiple times and prefer things wrote down as this is easier for me to process and understand.

I regularly set alarms and write lists to plan the day.

I feel like through the years I have used things to cope with life such as anorexia and in turn has resulted in different diagnoses including OCD, anorexia, social anxiety and depression but I feel like there is still something underlying and something that makes me different. It is getting exhausting pretending to be "normal" all the time and not knowing why I am the way I am.

"It seems that other people's normality was the road to my insanity"

"Many of us do not realise how much of our true selves we have been masking until we feel utterly lost"

#autism #actuallyautistic #asd

0 notes

davidtennantpussytulpa · 7 years

Text

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

I was tagged by: @dykeinator2000 btw love the new url its badass

LAST: Last drink: hazelnut vanilla latte (im being spoiled bc im sick rn) Last phone call: my mom Last text message: But a surprisingly small number of gays work there so they are forced to turn to (ew) a man Last song you listened to: oh my god i think i like you from cxg (im fine…..) Last time I cried: like 3 hours ago i was watching sytycd and all these sibling stories were on and i miss my brother in college

 HAVE YOU EVER: Dated someone twice: definitely not (never even been asked out…) Been cheated on: only in my daydreams of being amy dunne Kissed someone and regretted it: no Lost someone special: yes Been depressed: 5 years at this point Been drunk and thrown up: no

 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU: Made a new friend: a few!! Fallen out of love: that happened like 2 years ago and ive been bored since Laughed until you cried: yeah Met someone who changed you: no Found out who your true friends were: kinda Found out someone was talking about you: probably i cant remember anything specific

 GENERAL: How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: about 4 but only @lidwings is ever active anymore Do you have any pets?: a bullmastiff named winston (my beautiful boy…) and a bulldog named daisy (shes an asshole) Do you want to change your name?: no i like it What time did you wake up this morning?: 5 then 8 What were you doing last night?: dying. watching 30 rock. eating mac and cheese Name something you cannot wait for: fuck u heres 5: gotham, cxg, seeing rent and hamilton at the smith center, and finally gettinf a gf Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no? maybe some thomases but no toms What’s getting on your nerves rn?: my dying body and my friends Blood type: o neg Nickname: none really but my friends do just call me gay a lot. and we joke abt ppl spelling our names wrong so i guess tar.n.a mcveil would work Relationship status: very single Zodiac sign: capricorn Pronouns: she/her Favorite tv show: psych College: im a senior in hs Hair colour: red Do you have a crush on someone: no just ppl i would date if they asked What do you like about yourself: my hair, eyes, my bisexuality

FIRSTS: First surgery: none First piercing: ears First sport you joined: gymnastics (but if u want of my own accord it would prob be track and field) First vacation: probably seaworld?  First pair of sneakers: ? idk bro prob some baby shoes Eating: nothing yet Drinking: still workin on that latte I’m about to: die (also watch either camp camp or 30 rock) Listening to: my parents watching SPORTS Want kids: kind of? its complicated Get married: hell yes Career: forensic scientist (if i cant do ME work i wanna be a forensic entomologist)

 WHICH IS BETTER: Lips or eyes: eyes Hugs or kisses: hugs  Shorter or taller: shorter so i can fucking see you and not just stare at your belly button Older or younger: older i skipped a grade so all my friends are older and im a capricorn so ive always liked talking to older ppl better Romantic or spontaneous: romantic Sensitive or loud: lol both Hook up or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: more hesitant (the christian school i grew up in fucked me up also HI MAY I TELL YOU ABOUT MY ZODIAC?) HAVE YOU EVER:

 Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: yeah Lost glasses/contacts: only sunglasses Sex on first date: no Broken someone’s heart: kinda? Been arrested: no Turned someone down: again: kinda Fallen for a friend: oh binch u dont even know……. at least like 20 times

 DO YOU BELIEVE: In yourself: it fluctuates  Miracles: no Love at first sight: happened when i saw zendaya the first time so YEAH Heaven: no idea Santa Claus: i think i did

bruh 25 is a lot

@javiergxrcia @starfiyah @jasonbiggs @the-place-of-no-stars @lidwings @cartoonlovingdork @donkeykongvevo @c3powearsacroptop @artsaeda @brucioboy

#long post #ily.... i love oversharing every single detail about my life

9 notes · View notes

mysmessmistake · 7 years

Note

How about College AU with the RFA and Minor Trio? Like what their major would be, roommate, stuff like that

I don’t know muchabout collage majors, so I’m sorry if you were looking for specifics. Also Iwasn’t sure if you wanted a MC to be included or not, but I included themanyway. The RFA isn’t running by the way.

Yoosung

Yoosung was taking a course in order to become a vet

The work was brutal

Though he loved it, and he was sure he wanted to help pets

It was still brutal

Shares a dorm with Saeyoung & Saeran

He goes to almost every class

Mainly because he’s scared of failing

Has all nighters too frequently

Can often be found crying in the library at 3am as he writes an essay

He tries to join astronomy club

But he can’t keep up with them because of his gaming addiction

Saeyoung fuels this addiction

Saeyoung also messes with him by hacking into the game and getting a bunch of rare stuff for his own character

“I have to defeat him! I can’t let Saeyoung defeat me!”

There goes Yoosungs life.

He meets MC in his class

And

Oh god is he in trouble

Finds he can’t focus in class because of you

Saeyoung convinces him to talk to you about a problem he’s having

So he catches you in the library one night

“Hey, you’re MC right? You’re in my vet corse! I was wondering if you could help me with this…”

He tries to be sly but he’s red in the face the entire time

Your friendship and more blossoms from there on out.

Also 100% shows you off to everyone once you get together

Jaehee

Business & hospitality major

She’s a fucking boss

She’s bomb at studying, and you best bet she gets top of the class

She works for that shit

She shares a dorm with a girl she doesn’t know very well, and doesn’t really talk to due to conflicting interests.

She’s super invested in the coffee club at school

To the point where she becomes the leader of the group!

You are also in the coffee club and you instantly connect with Jaehee, so naturally you two become friends.

She’s had friends, but not friends like you.

You also met everyone else through Jaeheee

Jaehee knew Zen, V and Jumin, and through them she knew Yoosung, Saeyoung and Saeran.

And some guy named Vanderwood

She has all nighters frequently as well

Goes to all classes on time unless she’s sick

Even then she gets someone to send her notes

A year or so through her college experience, after she’s calmed down a little about the idea of college

She realises there’s something she feels about you that isn’t… just friendship

She doesn’t say anything, she’s afraid of your reaction

You aren’t stupid, you know the looks she gives you

So you make the first move

It’s slow

But it’s nice

Zen

Drama and Literature major

Teachers pet + ladies man

You’ve seen Monsters University right? Well, he’s like the Sullivan of the college.

He has his own fan club

Jaehee takes part in said fan club

His roommates are … Jumin and V!

It’s a little bit of a nightmare

His relationship with Jumin is pretty much the same relationship as cats and dogs…

However

Jumin is very good at calming Zen down when he gets angry, and bring him back to earth when he’s too full of himself

And Zen is very good at grounding Jumin when he gets a little out of hand, or his ego is too large.

And V just tries to make everyone happy

So it works

He doesn’t study excessively

“God gave me a gift! Why would I need to study?”

He changed this thought after he failed his first test

You thought he was a little arrogant

He thought you were cute

He needed help with a few things so you offered to tutor him

After a few tutoring sessions he began to flirt, a lot

He did his best to impress you

And eventually he just made his move

Power couple!!!!

You still help him study

Jumin

Business major

Not that he really needs it

He already knows all there is to know about business so he’s top of his class

He also doesn’t really need to study

Wants a cat but can’t have one in his dorm

Also his roommate is allergic

Not that he cares all that much

Because he doesn’t have to study, and he doesn’t belong to any clubs, his time is consumed by meetings with his father and arguments with Zen or long chats with V

You catch his eye when he sees you struggling slightly in the business class

So like a gentleman he offers his help

Spoiler: Jumin is a very bad tutor

Okay he’s not terrible he just isn’t good at explaining things on a level you can understand

You appreciate the help though

He flat out asks you if you’d like to have dinner with him

No tip toeing around that

You accept, and after a few more dates and a bit more horrible tutoring you two become a thing

Zen is shocked and wonders if he’s paying you

Saeyoung

hacking major

Is there a hacking major?

Computer science & programming major

Top of the class but rarely shows up

When he does he’s unusually reserved and quiet in the back of the class, not talking to anyone

Shares his dorm with his brother and Yoosung

Eats like a true college student

He studies but it doesn’t look like studying

Like he’ll be on his computer, and it will look like he’s playing a game

But he’s actually looking through the games code

This is also how he messes with Yoosung

Should he hear even a peep out of someone about Saeran in a bad way

They can kiss their grades goodbye

Admittedly hacked into the schools system before in order to change Saerans grade

You meet him when you sit at the back of class one day because all of the front spots were taken

And you realise that Saeyoung is not quiet, or reserved, he just doesn’t have anyone to talk to

Because he doesn’t shut the fuck up when you sit next to him

Everything out of his mouth is a meme or a sly comment about the professors work ethic

Unfortunately you were struggling a little with the class

“Alright then smart guy, if you know so much then teach me”

“Deal”

Well that was easy

His personality just gets goofier every time you see him

Eventually you just become a thing

You both act like it wasn’t a big deal

But it was

Now he helps you complete the course and you listen to his stupid jokes!

Saeran

I saw someone headcannon Saeran as an art major

I agree

Art Major

He shows up to class a lot but sometimes leaves during lectures

Sometimes it’s boredom, sometimes it’s panic attacks.

Studies but not intensely

He doesn’t really want to become an artist, he’s just always liked art

And he’s pretty good at it

He just had to pick a major and art happened to be one of the first things he thought of

He shares his room with his brother and Yoosung

He likes Yoosung, but he’s waaaayyyy too gullible

He also doesn’t talk to any of Saeyoungs other friends that much, he tries though

He meets you when he sits next to you in class one day

Normally you’re at the back by yourself, so your comments can go unnoticed

Not today

“Are you fucking- this is not a hand”

“What the fuck is Picasso”

“If I don’t eat dinners for the next week I can afford new paints”

He looks at you strangely, you catch his look, you smile and put your head down

He looks over to see you writing ‘fuck colour theory’ over and over again

“I can help you with that if you’d like”

You were surprised

You accepted his help nonetheless

because

Fuck colour theory

It took some time, and patience and a forceful push from Saeyoung

But eventually he confessed

Artsy couple!!

You often doodle on each other’s arms

photography Major

Obviously

Studies hard, but not too hard

Wonderful student and friend to all

Golden boy

Shares his room with Zen and Jumin

Which can be overwhelming at times

But they’re both very nice, to him at least, and they do try to get along sometimes

He wouldn’t be in any clubs

He prefers going out and taking pictures, or hanging out with Jumin

You met through class

You were paired up for a project together

“One will be the muse, and the other the photographer”

Theoretically, you should be the muse, right?

Ohhhh no

You force kindly ask him to be the muse for this project

He’s too nice so he says yes

The two of you joke and laugh the entire time

You manage to get some lovely shots of him smiling and laughing, when he things you aren’t taking the picture

Sly V probably managed to skilfully ask you on a date

“We should do this again, however you are to be the muse next time”

“It’s a deal”

“How about its a date?”

Sly

He helps you with studies and is always willing to be your muse

Also he has a lot of pictures of you

Cutest couple!!

Vanderwood

listen

I don’t know

I don’t fucking know what he’d do

My headcannon, if he wasn’t dragged into the mess of the Agency, would be he went to college to major in psychology and chemistry

I DONT KNOW!!!!!!! Let’s just go with it

Psychology & Chemistry Major!

He’s very reserved, he just gets what he needs to done

Doesn’t fuck around

He only really talks to Saeyoung and sometimes Saeran, other than that he’s usually alone

A lot of people are weary of him

He lives in a dorm alone because no one wanted him as a roommate because he works better alone

You met bc neither of you were looking where you were going and you ran into each other

“Watch it” He growled at you

Excuse me?

Excuse me??

“You watch it, you’re the one walking around like a fucking mountain, don’t expect me to step out of your way, asshole”

The sass was amazing

He literally had to watch you watch away because what the fuck just happened??

Of course, Murpheys Law, Saeyoung saw all of it and teased Vanderwood for his ‘crush'

He punched him

Gradually the two of you ran into each other more, around campus, at the library, going in and out of lecture rooms and hallways

Until you just sat down next to him in the library and asked for his help on your chemistry assignment

“You’re in my chemistry lectures??”

“Ya have been for a year thanks for noticing”

It’s a slow, painful process but the two of you become friends

And then more…

Saeyoung prides himself on being right about the two of you

#mystic Messenger #mystic Messenger headcannon #mystic Messenger imagine #mystic messenger saeyoung #mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger yoosung #mystic messenger jaehee #mystic Messenger saeran #mystic messenger Vanderwood #mystic Messenger V #mystic Messenger zen

128 notes · View notes