#i dont have many people like that in my life

[aropride]

caffeine addiction is so fucking funny. every morning for years i have woken up and had a similar type of drink with a similar amount of a substance in it and then i am comforted knowing i will not endure a headache or excessive sleepiness. it makes my hands shake sometimes but i've found that to be not worth worrying about. if i don't have it i'm tired and in pain for a few days, but otherwise it doesnt interfere with my life. i tell people this and they go "ok cool." being chemically addicted to this one specific substance is completely fine societally. nobody told me to, like, keep a strong watch over myself and my self-control when i had my first monster, i figured out myself that i need to keep my caffeine consumption at or under a certain level and it's literally fine.

HOWEVER the first time i had WEED my friends who dont have weed were like "oh... please be careful..... make sure to limit yourself... its addictive and youre mentally unwell... wdym you have it between once a month and a few times a week thats a lot... you dont want an addiction....." Like between these two substances, if i dont have caffeine for a day i get a pounding headache and im fairly irritable for a few days. i have to make sure i never run out of caffeinated beverages to avoid that. if i dont have weed for a few days in a row it literally doesnt register as a problem. because every week there are several days in a row where i dont have weed. whereas if i have it too many days in a row i go "oh this is starting to feel kind of meh. i'll cut back a bit so my tolerance doesnt start rising". and its literally fine. like out of all the substances i consume on a semi regular basis one of them i need to function and the other one is like, ok theres nothing to do and im bored time to have the candy that makes me silly

#text #like i have a friend- bless her heart she just wants to make sure im ok i understand that- but shes Always like. checking on me to make sur #i havent developed an addiction to weed. which feeds my obsessive compulsive 'what if im addicted to weed i have to check and make #sure im not addicted to weed' spirals. This friend also budgets for caffeine in every shopping trip #ITS LIKE . OUT OF EITHER OF THESE SUBSTANCES . IM HAVING WAY MORE FUN WITH THE WEED WHEREAS THE CAFFEINE IS PRACITCALLY A NECESSITY

[captainzigo]

so unfortunately very few entries here are going to properly be vintage. also what i consider vintage might not line up with what you do. i am not old.

also i am not wealthy. and my family isn’t wealthy. this is an expensive hobby to have. i get most of my stuff from loving it and refusing to throw it away… and digging through the trash at university. you would be surprised with the stuff people throw away. planned obsolescence has nothing on the fact that people can’t be bothered to fix a sour harddrive.

i actually fix computers as a sort of second job. it’s nice to work on computers i can’t afford and that aren’t from the trash. but i love old tech. i love breathing life in to things long dead. i’m a technonecromancer. i am not including pictures of things i haven’t finished yet for the most part. and i simply am not including most things. this is but a fraction of my power

ok so these are all my computers that work. i didn’t include ones that im still working on. they all worked but needed repairs variously. mostly they just needed new hard drives.

my game consoles. again not including ones that don’t work. i actually bought that 3ds, but the rest my parents gave me after they got them used. that gameboy has needed a screen replacement that required soldering. the ds is my little trooper and has needed nothing ever. the wii needed a new disc drive. and the 3ds came in japanese and i hacked it to english.

there’s a back view of my stickers

these are some of my various devices. again not including ones that don’t work. that nano needed a new battery which was actual hell and i’m surprised it survived. that ipad is the first ipad and she works beautifully and one time i fastened it to my tummy for a tellytubby costume. i was slutty lala and i played the old spiderman movie trilogy in glorious VHS quality. i couldn’t find my iphone 3gs for this picture :( but it will turn up. i’ll include an old picture instead of cleaning my room to find it lol

here are some novelties i just like. thats an old radio i swiped from my great grandfather. i got it working but it broke again. i dont know whats wrong with it and its so old that the parts are impossible to find. on the right is the browser for DS which is just so quaint. i love it. it barely works at all but i loaded a wikipedia page one time so xP

this is my terrible stupid tiny phone i got from aliexpress that barely works BUT IT DOES WORK and is technically loaded with all modern smartphone features. i attached a video of it barely playing roblox

this is my og imac. with the og keyboard. i didn’t include it with the working computers because it doesn’t. the harddrive died and im trying to fix it but its really hard. i’ve already sought out two different adapters that haven’t worked

and this is a commodore 64 that i also got out of the trash. it does not work but im hoping to make it work. someone clearly loved it. enough to paint it crazy colors and enough to

write some weird scifi quote on the inside of the case under the RF shield. but maybe they died, or it just became too much of an undertaking.

not included here is:

• several more apple products that i just don’t think look good. all the iphones between 6 and 11 are just so ugly. and i don’t actually like the way apple watches look

• the phone, tablet, and smart watch i actively use

• various bits and bobs like the official speakers for a imac 4, an electronic pocket dictionary, various wii peripherals and so on

• all of my audio equipment

• my iphone 3gs. i just never found it or any pictures of it. i love it tho. it was my first phone (hand me down. i’m not that old) and i have had to repair it so many times and i love taking bad photos with it

• all of my monitors

• my many videogames

• my old fridge that i love and cherish and use

• anything i have fixed and then given to someone else

• a bunch of other stuff

so if you are a beautiful trans woman, are you in love with me yet? or do i need to make a part two

#old tech #old computers #hoarding lol

[angellurgy]

journal entry, may 30th 2024

i feel myself rotting from the inside. nothing brings the same joy it once did. ‘once’ being a time i can't even remember.

when i was a kid, i was free. i was alive. i know its common for trans women, we all lose something of ourselves growing up, probably. but the isolation took too much from me. it took my soul.

i used to be so cheerful, so outgoing. so uncaring of what others thought of me, so emotional. being forced into that room, a constant terror, i had nothing to leave the house for, no friends, no hope. i remember sitting on the dining room table, the only place wifi worked, from the moment i woke up to the moment my father came home, talking constantly to the only people i had, my discord ldrs, people who thought i was 16 when i was 13, people who loved me for the face i put on and who would listen to at least some of my cries.

i wish i fucking killed him. i shouldve taken that fucking knife and stabbed him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. why was i so fucking stupid, to think me going to jail would change my life at all? everyone i know’s lives would be further improved by my utter absence of it. if i could be struck by a device that erased me from everyones memories, my friends would only be happier. mom would be happier without that breakdown. mutt would've been. all of them would. the only one who wouldnt is knives, and ive accepted that evil (selfishness) of my desire to die

it isnt some attempt at self depreciation, it is an acknowledgement of my place in this world. it may not inherently be better with my absence, but many people’s worlds would be.

its fucking stupid, really, what started this all on. my envy of those with more, my desire for a dad which i knew would never come to fruition, my desire for a family in general, my gradual loss of friendliness with my irl isolation alongside all of it, my failed attempts to make myself message mutuals like dadsmell or femboytorturer (especially stupid, i barely know her, but still. the point was in my general failure of not speaking.) then it all . spiraled. when i felt the cold that first time i was so happy that i might die. the guilt i was wracked with when i lived was so much worse than the terror i felt before it. so i hid, and tried again, and hid, until i had no choice, until i broke, talked to suffer, until i was brought to azriels.

that moment gave me an ounce of hope, hearing that i would have a friend in this city who wanted to hang out with me often and help me some too. its a shame i was a bit rude that one time in the depths of it. and its a shame he used that moment to tell people i attacked him days prior when i hadnt. i missed the show right after, the first show i was ever gonna be able to go to. we were sposed to go together. but. i dont really get to have fun like the other girls. all ive wanted for so long is to go to a show and dance, ive never danced, really. im too scared. it wouldve made so much better. idk why he. why that. had to happen, i actually felt good and tried for a day or two, until that happened.

ever since then its been worse and worse. i remember that nice puppygirl mutual who sent me puppy hugging gifs in my asks when i was sad, i remember miyoria checking in on me, after the cold of not talking for so long, after that server left me to rot. i remember getting to talk to soxy for the first time in so long. i remember trianon almost visiting, i remember us calling. i remember finally getting to dm w piper, and a lot of my favourite mutuals. i remember feeling good from all of that. the little bit of good i could. and now they're gone. the dying girls strife is too much to bear for so long- i already gave mom the worst breakdown, i wouldnt be surprised if i hurt more like this too. and yet i still love them. i guess its my fault, for letting myself fall like this. for killing myself.

when knives came, and helped me with my passport. its presence was so fucking good. but even if the passport goes through, i now have no one i care about who would even take me in, unlike before, when the offers were common. now i am rotten in the eyes of the beasts. this carcass is no good. i guess knives leaving was the nail in the coffin. that it doesn't get better. everyone forgets you, no matter what you do. youre hopeless, girl, all that you could've been is gone now. im sorry i couldnt have been a person . i rlly wanted to be and to try.

allure, you poor poor rotten girl. you were built to die, and nothing more. you were meant to be killed and feasted on. you were right when you said that this would make everything worse, you were right when you said that the world is not yours, and most sadly, you were right when you screamed out, with nothingness in your voice. was “allure” ever even real in the first place. was i? was she? you won't answer, i know you won't.

ive gained at least 200 followers on tumblr since this started. and i havent felt so alone in a long time. my attempts were less lonely than this. the few people who are left, i can barely even message often because of the crippling murderous cloud in my head, brought on by everything prior. i wish i couldve gotten a fucking chance.

i used to be, at least somewhat liked. people liked my little kink posts, i got some mutuals i could comnect w and who i thought were cool, who i rlly wanted to connect with. people thought i was cute, some people even wanted to play games w me, (thanks margo, love her) but now theres fucking. nothing. when i post online with an attempt at talking again i am left utterly hopeless.

and still, this has mostly just been my online strife. not to fucking mention the physical life, the way i have been left stranded every time ive been at a hangout, the way tgirls only think of me as ‘cute’ instead of anything actually tangibly good. not to mention the fucking uselessness of my soul and the rotten pit in my mind. im mentally ill, but in all the ways that make you a faker and an idiot and unloveable and imfuckingpossible, non existent. not real.

i miss you, my life. i miss you. i miss the little things i had, even thought i know that that isolation wouldve still killed me. a girl can only handle having all her interaction being vcing in a server of ppl who willfully ignore her for the more attractive and ‘good autistic’ ppl for so long before something snaps.

i miss you, my friends, the friends who will probably never talk to me again, the friends i havent heard from since this all began, i still miss and love. because i am ruined. god i miss them so bad. i wish i had a chance to have a life irl, hell i wish i had a chance to have a life even just on tumblr right now, but im being killed.

i cant write more. my throat has been torn and my hands have been assaulted. and my head is still dying of fog.

but i hate that im alive right now, i hate that i couldnt die yesterday. i hate that i am even here to write this, disappointing all, especially myself, especially her. fuck i miss her. all i can do now is keep trying whenever i can and let everyone give up so i will fade from memory even faster. its all i have, when no one is present.

[omgwhatchloe]

Do you have an analysis on Bill Williamson? He's a complex character in both 1 + 2, and is truly a kinda shitty person. He's interesting, I'd love to hear your thoughts on him!

i dont have an analysis, but i do have thoughts! hes an interesting character who was definitely made to be complex, and more bad than good. he is loyal to the gang and the people in it, that is extremely clear, and he is so grateful to dutch. however, its interesting how he will shift from getting along with the other boys then purposely trying to anger them, like its for attention, or for some of them, attempting to have power and superiority over them that he cant have. despite his loyalty, he shares racist views that dutch does not, like his word choice when it comes to javier and charles (in a cut interaction). its interesting to see that no matter how loyal he is, his views on other races dont change, and he remains to think he is superior, showing us again he is a lot more bad than good. by the end of the game, i think its safe to say he’s on a turmoil to go from an already really bad person to the worst possible person he could be. and i would also like to state that i dont think his relationship with cain changes the fact he is a bad person, and i dont think him forced to be closeted his whole life affects it as much as people can act like it does.

i have not played rdr1 but from the information ive heard, i think he is an awful person at that point, in a position of power over those men that fuels it because no one is keeping him in check anymore and hes not worried about what he could lose with his actions. we see in rdr2, in a interaction with sean and lenny, he tries to act like someone higher up than them, not quite a mentor, but someone who is in charge of them, when we all know he definitely is not. he tells them that one day they could have their own gang and be famous outlaws, if they act right and learn to do things proper. he is promptly angered when they practically laugh in his face, as it isnt what they want and they dislike bill, and think he is not in that position to be telling them to act right. yes, i think there are many feelings of insecurity in bill, but it is also my personal opinion that he is a complex but not a good person.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption two #red dead fandom #ask #bill rdr2 #bill wiliamson

[unlirise]

🖋️ 240602 • sun

we're halfway through the year already? bullshit.

the past month(s), i noticed how i lacked discipline to do things consistently. i do have the energy to do things, but i do it sporadically. only when i feel like it. sometimes i start a task and stop midway to start another. it's multitasking, but it's not working for me.

this month i'm going to work on my discipline and consistency, make a habit out of things i want in my life and stick to it.

on another note, i put a pause on reading a little life so i can read wideacre by philippa gregory. i loved the constant princess and the way she writes strong-willed, determined, and unstoppable women within a patriarchal society. i've already made so many annotations in just the first two chapters.

im also enjoying annotating books more and reading them based on their more prominent themes. i keep seeing how other readers annotate this way and i wanted to join in. having taken english literature for 4 years (IGCSE and a-levels), i have so much to say about a book i read.

admittedly, i feel like english lit has ruined the way i read for a long time. especially english lit for a-levels. for 2 years, we've been reading poems and fiction by assessing its themes, analysing the pieces according to the context it was written, and evaluating the author's intention. we dissected literature to the point that whenever i pick up a book and read it, i'm dissecting it rather than just enjoying it. i'm trying to undo that with the books i'm reading.

although the lessons i learned from there are important in real life because it has helped me to become more critical and to see how the things authors write about are a reflection of real life (because they are). a lot of books are about people and life is about dealing with people.

but whenever i pick up a book i dont want to read it for the sake of dissecting human behaviour, the choices they make, and the broader implications of its consequences upon society. . i want to see life, beauty, and romance alongside those things.

#university #student life #college student #uni blogging #uni student #college #college blog #study blog #studyblr #university student #uni life #uniblr #academia #light academia #dark academia #academics #college girl #student #book blog #booklr #bookblr #books #reading #books and reading #bookish #collegeblr #literature #bullet journal #bujo #journalling

[gayhenrycreel]

i actually feel more welcome in cis spaces than trans spaces. it really feels like the queer community doesn't want me to be a man. i have had exactly one cis person misgender me, and he apologized. ive had trans people discourage me from transitioning and try to deny me the right to be masculine.

i dont want to wear drag levels of makeup. thats not me. masculinity has always come naturally to me, but femininity feels deeply unnatural, like slowly stabbing myself.

when i try to feminize myself, its selfharm. it makes me cry. it makes me feel like life is not worth living. repeatedly trying to convince me that id be happier if i was a woman (people say i can still be a man, but they also want me to wear makeup and dresses and not transition, so im sure they just want me to be a woman) is encouraging me to risk my life.

i even bought a dress. i tried it. i hated it. i cried.

when i look for trans stories i find scp articles featuring only transfems with no mention of transmascs, no matter how many other queer groups are included. often they imply that transfems are more oppressed than transmascs.

i dont even identify with transness. the idea this community has of what a trans man is is the opposite of me. the queer communitys concept of a trans man is a fetish.

thats not me. im just a man.

a lot of people dont believe that im trans because i pass so well. im a masculine person. as soon as im in a queer space i have to worry if my masculinity will be seen as something to fix.

i dont like being feminine. it kills me. it eats away at my soul until i am a husk of my former self.

ive faced more transphobia from trans people than i have from cis people. ive never had a cis person try to subtly tell me to try conversion therapy for my life threatening dysphoria.

#trans #transmasc #transandrophobia #transgender #transexual #trans men #ftm #tw suicidal ideation

[thanatoseyes]

I think I fell in love with my fiance a little more last night, because she started to list off proper etiquette when conducting a ceremony and listed off ways to properly work with tarot cards.

#her best friend is pagan so she spent a lot of time in high school going to esoteric shops #its just nice to know that she wants to take an interest in what i do #i dont have many people like that in my life #thanatoseyes

[umblrspectrum]

hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags

#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things #first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards #the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased #plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”) #solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow #personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession #second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name #cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life #it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts #since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt #also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j #im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me #murder drones #murder drones nori #artori? that sounds cool #ill probably just stick with nori though #i have so many solver heart refs now #art #episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 spoilers #using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it #murder drones spoilers

[dimeadozencows]

This came to me in an early morning queer haze

Kissing my medics good morning (I am your husband heavy and I love you)

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #heavymedic #i know its super annoying for everyone when the sole medic on the team keeps pocketing heavies so as a heavy main i will say this. #to the medics in the chat: i dont expect you to pocket me and in fact you shouldn't. i suck. but! if you would it would be cool and gay and #and i will kiss you abd love you and give you yummy food and protect you like my life depends on it i will be your meat shield because you #are amazing incredible for picking medic despite the horrors. i will do everything in my power to help u. but don't pocket me i suck #i meant for that to be more meaningful and like giving advice but it got gay. but i meant all of it #when i see a medic healing me i immediately switch to shield mode my life is no longer mine i exist to protect the beautiful man behind me #thank you medics👍🏽 if u play medic i hope you have a wonderful day today everyday 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽❤️❤️ #edit: i am gayer for heavy than i am for medic- but since i main heavy i am automatically attracted to medic and so this shitpost was born #so many people that play medic are apparently gay for heavy...... i feel so seen and understood

[st4rking]

tfw you, as a mind reader, have to team up with a man who thinks too much

Slight spoilers in tags

#wednesday spoilers #marvel spoilers #your honor they're my emotional support dysfunctional couple #as everyone should know #i love tony stark #hes baby girl (derogatory) #and I also love emma #I feel like they're great foils to each other but I dont want to talk about that #theres so much controversy around their wedding #however #people do not realize how funny their friendship could be #tony “i think a mile a minute” stark #Emma “Worst time to be a telepath” Frost #you could not tell me the shenanigans that would happen if the situation was not so dire. #if it was not life or death #emma would be flooded with Tonys nonsensical ideas against her will #she is being held hostage send help #yes i know emma wont read his mind without consent but also mindreading would be smart now #especially since they're kind of alone in this #I have so many thoughts on them #AND THEY SAID MRS. AND MR. EMMA FROST #Literally called Tony malewife #Also Feilong is terrifying as an Iron Man villain #The Invincible Iron Man (2023) #I know this isnt how Tony looked in the comic but this is how I draw my tony #tony stark #marvel 616 #diddlydoo #emma frost #irondiamond

[swordsonnet]

lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?

#sometimes i see posts that are like 'its unfair to say that autistic people have it easy and arent really disabled...' and go yes! exactly! #but then they'll continue like '...because not all autistic people have low support needs' #and i'm like. okay nevermind you dont understand this at all #i have comparatively mild autism (was diagnosed with aspergers back when that was still a thing) #and my autism has still significantly impacted and impaired my life #i think its important to acknowledge the huge range of experiences in the autistic community #and that many others have struggled much more than me #but that doesnt mean its all easy breezy for me and other lsn autistics yknow? #(i guess i would technically be considered medium support needs or something but that's because of my chronic illness not my autism) #i wish people would just. like. listen to other peoples experiences before just assuming that they know everything about their lives #ofc a huge part of this is also some lsn autistics distancing themselves from hsn people and pretending that they're not actually disabled #but not every lsn autistic is like that. and even the ones that are are usually (consciously or unconsciously) downplaying their symptoms #autism #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #this isn't really about the post i just reblogged btw it just reminded me of it #because some of the notes on it went in that direction

[crabussy]

IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING KIND TODAY!!! IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING GENEROUS TOWARDS OTHER PEOPLE!!! IS ANYBODY ELSE BEING KIND AND TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EVEN WHEN ITS HARD!!! IS ANYONE ELSE ASSUMING THE BEST OF OTHERS INTENTIONS AND RESPONDING IN KIND!!!! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

#having a day ^_^ #I love being kind I just wish other people loved being kind more #people on the internet are SO FUCKING MEAN TO EACH OTHER???? its a terrible phenomenon #I have never seen people in real life treat others badly with the horrifying proportion of hate I see online #please. try to be kinder try to be more patient even when its frustrating #I have changed minds and deescalated arguments SO many times by being kind. #if someone is spouting misinfo in a furious rage and they're saying hurtful things? try responding with patience and kindness #even when you don't feel they deserve it. because one of 2 things usually happens #EITHER. they immediately shift their tone because you're talking to them like an equal and not an idiot #OR they continue to be horrible and it makes them look really nasty. its not a good look!! most people won't do the second thing!! #hateful online arguments has turned my mental health into a disgusting stew in the past #since I started being kind out of sheer frustration my mental health has improved a thousandfold #listen. sometimes its okay to be mean. if someone tells you to kill yourself I dont think its appropriate to give them patience and kindnes #BUT. if you treat someone like they're stupid. even if you're right!!! they won't listen to you or consider your words!! #because admitting you're right means admitting that they're stupid like you think they are. that feels bad so people won't do it #my wisdom. today I am so tired

[cozylittleartblog]

my ACEN tip gimmick has been fulfilled, aaand i got a little carried away with it. I haven't had time to draw for myself (or at all, really??) in like two weeks, i needed to Doodle and Have Fun. ... also, i did not think he would get so many donuts. people understand the value of giving treats to fictional characters :) its what he deserves

also shoutout to snazzyskeletons who had the same Tip Theme i did. we took pictures with our tip jars together. they are adorable v

i'm glad their vash got some donut money too :) 🍩 please check them out if you want some cute trigun stuff

#trigun #trigun 98 #art #doodles #trigun fanart #fanart #acen 2024 #vash #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #i get paid and vash gets um. tummy hurty i guess. look donuts are like strawberries you gotta eat that shit IMMEDIATELY ok #i love you people who gave vash donut money. i love you people who gave me little trinkets. i especially love you #vash cosplayer with a giant prop gun full of teenie tiny clay donuts. thank you for the donut i put it by my mini vash funko pop #i met so many nice trigun fans. all of you are so NICE ; - ; LOVELY fandom over here. and so many good cosplays #i saw wolfwood. i dont mean i saw a wolfwood cosplayer i mean i Saw Wolfwood It Was Him In Real Life I Swear #i dont think vash ever actually wears his glasses up on his head like that but i think it looks nice so i will keep doing it #he has cool glasses. they should be seen. cool glasses and eyelashes. mwah #i have a somewhat cool wolfwood illustration idea in my head but i just haven't had time to work on it at all #and i want to draw the insurance girls !!!!!! AAAA. MILLY. MILLY I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!! MILLYYYY #GOD i have so much art to work on. they need to invent a days with more hours in it #yeah i'm making steady and good progress through my to do-list but I Need To Get Through It Faster #anyway its 6am i need to schedule this and go to bed already #one more thank you to everyone who stopped by and said hello!!! ACEN was such a blast i hope i get in the AA again next year

[starmist]

I genuinely believe Naksu haunts the narrative. Her actions and existence as Naksu heavily impact the entire story. Her past, the life she lived and the shadow of it in Mudeok. But we don't actually know any of it because Naksu is not in the story.

Like. What she lost as Cho Yeong is something that we are never allowed to forget, the loss of her body, her powers, her freedom, and her impending death as a soul shifter hangs over Mudeok's head like guillotine.

All the while we don't actually know the Shadow Assassin Naksu, she died in the first episode, as soon as the story began. Other than training and killing (soul shifters) what kind of person was she when she didn't have to rely on another person else or hide or live as someone else? We don't know and we don't ever learn any of that.

Still, her absence is the plot, yet her former existence as Naksu influences everything; Yul's actions and what she was to him, Jang Uk's goal of returning her powers, the revelation of soul shifters to Park Jin, Jang Gang's departure, Jin Mu's accomplishments, the King's Star even.

Everything is about her existence but she doesn't actually exist at all anymore.

#before anyone disagrees she declares naksu dead in ep 5 or something and tell yul the person he knew no longer exists in ep 19 #naksu is dead but the shadow of her hangs over everything #what could have been and what wasn't is mourned in nearly episode #alchemy of souls #also im not saying one life is better than the other but there is always this sense of loss in mudeok that is never forgotten by the story #SHE DESERVED TO LIVE AS HERSELF #Also for me its the tragedy of all of it that makes the show so good #like dont get me wrong im certifiably insane over the romance and would be very happy with the ending offered but even the then the best pa #*the happy ending offered in ep19 #is that #she escaped the circle of tragedy shes been trapped in #and has so many people that she loves and cares for now and how those ppl care for her just as much #this post is brought to you by: my mutual and i finally finishing our rewatch

[crescentfool]

the persona 3 protagonist 25th anniversary nui in food appliances!

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #guys friendly reminder that this is what adulthood is about dont listen to anyone who calls you cringe #hence why im putting these in the main tags. i mean they're not incorrect for what the photos are about. lmao #anyway this was a very fun birthday!!! i feel very loved and supported by so many people and i got to do very fun things (like this)... #i think... birthday is like thanksgiving to me. in the gratitude respect. #a reminder of all the lovely people that i have gotten a chance to meet and how i've learned from them #it makes me very happy to have been born... i think every day is a great day to celebrate life's grandeur + brilliance + magnificence #it's just a very poignant and strong feeling that i have that i'm happy to have met so many wonderful people #and while there are some people i've only known for brief periods of time or people who i havent really been good at keeping in contact wit #i do cherish it! im so grateful. so happy that there are people who cheer my silly shenanigans on #while there are ways in which aging makes me go “oh hmm” i think overall i'm happy that i get to keep on living and learning #i have so much fondness for humanity and people... like even if i dont get to talk to ppl directly i just get very emotional yknow #like wow.. you exist.. thats so fucking awesome... i hope you have an awesome day... im glad our paths could cross #if you have read up to this point of my tags.. thank you for reading and being part of my life #i will keep on being the silliest guy ive ever known! cheers to more shenyanigans and self-discovery :3

[biblicalhorror]

So many posts on aita are just like "aita for inviting my vegan friend to a meat and cheese party and not providing any vegan options for them even though a month ago they had a party where there was only vegan food there and they didn't have any meat or cheese for ME which basically means they wanted me to STARVE"

Where it's like yeah your vegan friend probably should have seen it was a meat and cheese party and brought their own food but also it seems like you feel personally victimized by a vegan daring to be vegan around you which I feel like we should unpack just a bit idk

#its like that meme that was popular a few years ago that basically boiled down to vegans never shutting up aboit being vegan #and people like that definitely exist dont get me wrong #but irl most of the vegans I've met have been chill about it #it's the meat eaters that are constantly like 'haha suck it VEGANS look at me eating this STEAK I bet this causes you PAIN to see me eat it #and ive been vegetarian most of my life because i just never liked meat #and i cant tell you how many people ive met that have been like 'well thank god you arent one of those VEGAN whackjobs' #like chill out a little bit maybe lmao