#i feel so unlovable. like i don't think i could ever find someone who's really in love with me and wants to marry me besides my friends

[eeldritchblast]

Thoughts on Halsin

I want to preface this by saying I don't have anything particularly against Halsin as he is in game. But I do find him lacking in depth, when compared to everyone else.

Even without knowing that he was added as a full companion last minute, I would probably have guessed as much simply because there's not much to him beyond the role he plays in the Shadow-Curse quest of Act 2. This is lampshaded with dialogue about how he himself feels consumed by his determination to end the curse. But to me, that just feels like a cop-out. Imagine any other character looking at the camera and just saying "yeah I know I don't have much character beyond what happens to me in the plot, too bad?"

But I think the worst crime about his lack of development, is the fact that because he doesn't have a lot else going on, he feels a little overly sexualized to me; like he's just there for the player to thirst after because he's this big, bulky man. Now, to be clear, I don't care that he's horny, and I definitely don't care that he's poly. (My GF is a poly lesbian, and honestly I could see myself having more than one romantic relationship , too, if someone else was ever interested in me like that and cool with it.) What I'm trying to say is, because he's lacking in other areas, leaving those traits being of his few you can list, it makes them feel of less value, and makes him feel more like a sex prop. And if you're gonna have a character with rape victim as part of his background like Halsin has, then that's the last thing you want, I think.

So, what more could be done with Halsin?

I once made a joke that someone should draw Halsin in a "Big Auntie Energy" shirt. For those of you who aren't Native, let me try to translate: In most if not all Indigenous Nations, we often call women who are champions of our cultures and communities "Auntie", whether they are actually literally your aunt or not. An Auntie is someone you dearly love, and trust to guide you. Halsin already plays something of a mentor figure to the protagonist—indeed, dev notes even call him "avuncular"—so why not lean into it further by showing what he does for others, too? Pretending that there was more development time allotted, here's what I would've liked to see...

"This place crawls with life, but little of it flourishes. I see refugees, unhoused. The destitute, unwanted. Orphans, unloved. … I wish there was a better way. I wish everyone could see the sun, have a full belly, and know nature as a friend. There is a balance that is yet to be found." —Halsin

After ending the Shadow-Curse, Halsin says he needs to find a new purpose. I feel like his purpose could easily align with his horror of the inequalities of Baldur's Gate. Instead of just talking about how awful it is, why not allow the player to challenge him to try and change things, then? For example, I like to imagine Halsin telling stories to the orphans in Rivington, providing them comfort and someone to look up to. Or another example: Halsin helping out in or maybe starting some kind of charity meal program. It's small, but it's enough to say that he could actually grow a little as a person within the game's story. And it would add at least a little bit of engagement on the player's end as well, instead of feeling like the relationship with Halsin, platonically, is one-sided.

This all doesn't come from nowhere, by the way. If you exclusively romance Halsin, he says goodbye to the player in the end because he is leading a group of people into Thaniel's realm to start a new life. But personally, I feel like this is too great a leap back into an Archdruid role he specifically rejected, because he didn't like it. It also would've been nice to get this kind of dialogue without having to romance him; to know what lies ahead for Halsin as a friend, too.

Now, that's the good ending. But almost all the companions in BG3 have a "good" and "evil" ending. I feel like this really adds a lot of insight into the characters, because they feel real through it; we all have the potential to make good and bad choices, after all. So what could be Halsin's evil-aligned ending? Well, remember when he questions if the Shadow Druids actually have a point? How about giving the player the opportunity to push him further down that path instead... Shadow Druid Halsin, holy shit.

Now, there's one more thing I want to circle back to: Halsin's past. He very casually speaks of his time as a captive in the Underdark. And maybe it was so long ago that he's long dealt with such trauma, but still, I really wish there was a way to say "hey bud, that's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened to you." But there's not a single dialogue option that allows you to express sympathy, besides just saying "that's awful", which doesn't cut it. Halsin himself says, "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt." Not allowing the player to be sensitive to his feelings goes exactly against this message not to judge a person's emotions by physical appearances.

Anyway, Halsin is a character that I think has a lot of potential, but doesn't quite reach it in game. I think it's great that he was given a bigger role due to popularity, but I just wish that role was expanded on to the same degree as the other companions.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #meta #rape tw

[seventhcallisto]

Prologue.

—His Cologne.

It's said there is nothing truly perfect in this world. Yet the thought of two people coming together and finally tying the bond is considered so. It took you by surprise. Truly, was that really the most perfect thing?

When two (or more) people get together. And their bonds glow. It's perfect, and they live happily ever after. The end. But it is never really the end. You grew up with two of the most proclaimed and promising soulmates. Childhood friends from a run-down neighborhood. Being mischievous and biding time skipping school. Tied by time. Yeah, pretty perfect.

But as they grew, they dabbled in things they still have yet to tell you. (You have a clue) And began getting into terrible relationships. When they finally reconnected, they noticed the marks on their wrists glowed a beautiful violet. For a while they were content, quietly living for months. During that time you were conceived. After a while they met their third and final soulmate. mere months passed, they were worse together than they were apart.

Three young souls were burdened by the world of men and women who tore their innocent hearts and made them ruthless and savage. You'd wake up most days to screaming and yelling. Fighting and crying. Makeup breakfast and all three of them pretending to sweep it under the rug. Like clockwork. You wondered if it was just your soulmate parents. Or maybe it was an occurrence for other people. You didn't know. Sometimes, when they fought, and you'd cover your ears and pretend they didn't. You wished they had never met.

But the thought made you feel terrible. How could you wish something like that? How could you wish to tear people apart from each other; or their destined person? It turned your stomach. You cried yourself to sleep most nights they fought, not because they were fighting. But because you wished they had met different people, had different soulmates, or even.. didn't have a soul bond at all. Even going as far as to curse whoever made the marks. Truly why would God-knows-what put three mentally unstable and unwilling people together when they can't even cope around each other? You didn't get it, you would never get it.

It was a hot June day, you stepped into the house after school. Tired from the walk in the heat. You step into the hallway and then. You think. Yeah. It was then you were determined to never want a soul bond. You overhear your father. He who was the last one to be welcomed in the bond. He's hushed on the phone. His sobs pull your heart apart, he confides in your aunt. He cries through his words. He tells her 'i feels unloved, unwanted' 'i feel like a third wheel' and he doesn't know what to do about it. You hear your aunt on the other line, you can hear her worried voice and tone. He said he tried for years to fit in, but he'll never feel as close as his other partners who grew up with each other.

He doesn't even know if your two biological parents even genuinely love him. He doesn't know if he can find it in himself to even love you. The child he raised alongside his partners. His supposed soulmates. You, the kid of those two people- remind him everyday, that he's an outsider. That you'll never truly be his kid, but the kid of two people he desperately wants to love him back the way he wants. You don't eavesdrop anymore. You don't eat dinner that night. You don't even wail like you should. You're numb. Your head meets your pillow as you drift into thoughtless summer.

You don't believe in soul marks, you don't believe in the fact someone can love someone because a bodily detail told them so. No. You don't. You don't want a soulmate and you don't want a mark.

Your eighteenth birthday rolls around. Still no soulmate marks. 'You're a late bloomer,' everyone tells you. You could care less. You're ecstatic at not having one. Your birthday party ends in your parents fighting. Something you're used to by then. you're moving out sooner than a month later. Biding farewell to your run-down neighborhood and childhood friends, some of whom have their soul partners hanging off their arms. Every glance you make at their soul bonds makes you queasy. Deep down your gut, still twists at the thought of it somehow appearing. A sudden bloom of a mark catching you off guard. You shake those thoughts away.

Your new apartment is centered in the city, even though you aren't a big fan. Anything to get away is fine with you. It's small, homily, with good lighting and a small balcony that you spend most nights reading by. Your bedroom is not even two steps away from the kitchen. You can't complain though. It's mostly modern for the price you're renting it at.

You're more than settled when it's three and a half years later. You've just earned a promotion at your job. Your passion for graphic design really blossomed into what you wish it would. You find yourself becoming satisfied with the way your life is. Maybe a pet would make it better?

You've thought about it most days. You slip into the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You don't mind your reflection. You know what you're gonna see when you look up. It's warm enough to wear spring clothing. A long dreadful winter has passed once again. You spit the remaining toothpaste and wash it down with some mouthwash. You know every nook and cranny of your small apartment. Finding your dresser and pulling clothing out.

Before you shimmy it on. You're looking in your reflection. Your heart drops. A single mark on your left shoulder. A mark in the shape of a rose. You're out of breath as you scrub and scrub. All you leave behind is a red mark. You cry silently to yourself all day. The city lights glimmer and shine upon your tears on the balcony. Your pants ride up your calves. You haven't gotten dressed since earlier that day, a loose hoodie and a plain pair of grey sweats you threw on frantically to cover up. of course, on your day off, you get this terrible news.

It was so rare that someone wouldn't have a soul mark. Deep down, you prayed you would be a part of those rare people. How silly of you to hope you'd be spared from this. You're mindlessly scratching your ankle, tracing a pattern. For some reason, your head drops down to look at what you're doing. A gasp gets caught in your throat.

There on the curve of your left ankle that's propped up on the chair with you: is another mark. The infinity symbol with two dots on each side. You pull away like it burned you, foot slamming onto the concrete beneath you. You're rushing into the apartment like you can run away from it. Slamming your sliding door behind you. You're striping off your clothes frantically, only left in your undergarments. Not soon after you stand bare in front of your mirror. Tears welling up in your eyes.

There are four more symbols you can spot immediately. 3. in the center valley of your breasts, it mimics a tattoo. it's the arrow of a bow. 4. Another on the front of your right hip is a seventeen percent full waxing cresent moon. The rest is filled in with black to simulate the shadow. 5. flushed on the front view of your left hip, four distinct fingerprints, they connect like constellations, short bursts of lines. It's curved to mimic where a hand would press flat.

6. On your stomach, right below your belly button. A tiny figure of a man lays on his palms, he's no bigger than an inch. He's etched out like a sketch. His features are small but extremely detailed. His torso is bare, showing off his lean muscles, his hair fluffy, and it pools around to caress his blurred face. His left leg is tucked under his extended right that drips off like it's plunged into a body of water that creates ripples. Across his lap is a blanket. 7... seven? You take a sharp breath. It's brand new. It wasn't there a second ago. How'd you miss it?

The seventh mark is on your left thigh, it's a twisted branch that flowers hang from, there's no color but if there was; red would be the color of every pedal, it almost covers the whole front of your thigh. You pray that's it. You pray there's no more. You turn around to check the rest of your body, oh no. Just your luck. When you pull your hair over, you catch sight of the 8th soul mark. A dragon, how silly. But it's just a dragon, wings spread wide and it crawls up the length of your neck. Barely out of view, hidden by your hair or clothes when you wear some, an inch and a half at most. Next, 9th. A butterfly thats missing a corner of its wing, Nestled on your left shoulder hanging to a flower. 10th. An outline of a tiger ready to strike right between your shoulder blades.

11th. Your collarbone, new and appearing before your eyes. An acurate black hole swirls right where your collarbone would be/is. 12. A shooting star, its on your right wrist. 13. A goldfish on your left wrist, swimming in a circle. 13...

You're a wreck. You counted 13. Thirteen marks. Soul marks. Soulmates. You have thirteen. What kind of sick joke could this be on you. When you finished counting you threw a fit for the first time in your life. Even when you were a kid, you were never fussy. How the tables turn. Hyperventilating and kicking anything closest to you. You acted out to gain any sense of control. By the time you were done screaming at the world, towards the sky, and whoever above. You fell into a heap on the floor. Tears streamed. And streamed. And streamed.. until you couldn't cry.

You got dressed, made yourself comfortable, all silently. Then went to bed.

Your neighbors weren't very happy. Actually- they're nice people, almost called the cops though at your outburst. 'I'm fine, really. I thought I saw a roach,' you joked. Not a roach, but the feeling of thirteen marks on you made you feel uncomfortable with yourself as if there really was one. The week following was the lowest in your life. You did enough research to kill an interviewer. Soulmates dont really have divorce. But you can remove a soul mark, If you do, it will hurt. Forever, actually. You'll always feel empty. And lonely without your soulmate, under the wiki is a soulmates therapy helpline. Slapped into your face in bold red letters.

God. Your head hurts. Last week made you feel like you were on a roller coaster. You're all out of excuses that allow you not to attend anything. You need time to think about what you're gonna do, how you're gonna avoid this. No way are you gonna bunker down with thirteen people, and somehow find a middle ground and live happily ever after. You don't usually run away from your problems.. but maybe this time, you can get away with it.

Your name is called, and you blink back into reality. "Yes?" You respond, glancing up at your boss. "We're gonna go grab some dinner. Do you wanna come?" She smiles, Eunha is on the older side. Her smile lines are beautiful, and her clothing always fits perfectly. "Sure, let me grab my bag." You smile politely. Food has surely gotta get your mind off this. Even for a moment.

The restaurant is bustling with life. Everyone from every office has a table, smacking of lips and laughter rings out. Clinks of glass surround you. You find yourself in the center of it all. Yet you can't help but feel farthest away. Your fingers pull at a loose thread on your blouse. To avoid suspicion, you converse as much as your mind will let you. Drink as much as you can, and eat as much as you can stomach. All the while drowning in your own thoughts.

"Hey, is that your soul mark?" Taejun points out directly at the goldfish poking just under the cuff of your blouse. The hue shines brightly, almost as if a black light is on it. He's always been nosy. Yet your stomach sinks, and your smile falls away. He notices, of course. "Sorry. Touchy subject -" You're cutting him off. "I gotta go to the - the restroom," you pull away abruptly, grabbing your purse. Pushing your cuff down. You smooth your hand over it a couple of times ferociously.

You hope that glowing hue isn't what you think it is. You excuse yourself past people, moving towards the exit of the establishment. Just your luck, you bump into someone, their drink spills all over your left arm. "Sorry -" You go to apologize just as they do. Your wrist catches the corner of your eyes. The goldfish swims animated. It's so bright in such a dimly lit area. You can't hide the shine it creates. An orange glow casts off your face and the man you bump into.

Your eyes pull up like magnets to the man. His face is hidden behind a black mask, and an equally black hoodie is pulled over his head. Dark hair pools around his circular glasses. Your breath catches in your throat. He doesn't move an inch. His eyes search yours. His words are lodged in his throat. "I.." he speaks first.

"Wonwoo!" Dokyeom calls for his friend, his soul mark glows vibrantly, and he feels a connective pull to the brunette man. Wonwoos eyes pull from yours, glancing to his younger member.

You take the opportunity. It takes every ounce of strength to pull yourself away from the gorgeous man. You feel like Cinderella, God - why are you pulling away? You're pushing against people and finally make it out the door. "Wait!" A voice calls. A hand grips your own. The same left wrist, it glows brighter than before. The marks are connected despite you wishing they weren't.

"No!" You cry out, like it'll stop glowing. It's blinding. You feel like you can't breathe. The man from before pulls you back from the door. His eyes are squinted from how bright the connection is. People gasp and bump into each other, flash-banged by a sudden- unsee before soul flash. You wiggle out of his gasp.

Then you run, and you run. And you don't stop until you've made it all the way home. A drive that would take 10 minutes at most through the city. You block out every street lamp, every step of stairs you take, every person you bump into. You block it all out. You're running away again.

And you feel deep down that this time... it wasn't the best idea.

#seventeen x reader #say the name seventeen #seventeen #seventeen x y/n #seventeen ot13 #svt ot13 #ot13 x reader #prolouge #kpop x reader #x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen wonwoo #seventeen dokyeom #soulmates #idol au #non idol au #polyamory #polyamourous #soulmate marks #callistos navigation

[powderblueblood]

From your prompt list, for Eddie Munson, If it strikes anything in ya. 🖤🖤

" A woman falls in love with you and you think that's a curse?"

200 CIGARETTES SENTENCE PROMPTS! tripped and fell into hai verse sowwy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eddie reacts in a way you think should be memorialized in history books, a full pantomime of his flailing hands, his rings catching the low light of the bar, his grimacing face with his tongue sticking out.

"blegh!" and, a lightning quick recovery to point at you directly in your face, "exactly. cursed."

you swirl your straw in your cranberry and whiskey which doesn't taste very much like either. you're helping drunk sam to prop up the bar at the hideout before the new year's rush starts; eddie had begged you to come keep him company, come keep him anchored because apparently shit gets weird here when the veil between this year and the next thins.

"you'll be a terrific anchor. all you have to do is sit there with that sour look on your face--exactly! that one!--and remind me that i'm not having a good time, no matter how many decrepit drunks tell me i am."

anyway, this is confusing. you knit your brow. "but why?"

"expectations!" eddie barks, fwipping a bar towel from his shoulder and grabbing a glass out of the drip tray to dry. "someone falls in love with me, right, and then i've got to like... keep them entertained. keep finding reasons to--..."

he trails off, mouth screwing up a little bit. hold on. hold on. there's something there. you try and reach for the thread before he tugs it out of your grasp. unraveling eddie munson's become an unlikely hobby as of late. he's like a ball of yarn someone let get tangled in a dump, so you keep finding all sorts of weird rocks and sticks and trash and ephemera every time you ask him a real question.

"hold on. what do you mean?"

"what do i mean what?"

"keep them entertained."

he sighs. really stepped in it now, because you're not a just drop it kinda girl, just like he's not a just drop it kinda guy. you two haven't read into that. might be worth cracking out the reading glasses, i don't know.

"i don't know!" eddie shrugs, "i'm-- you get someone to love you, and then you want them to keep doing it, right, so you need to like... it's a lot of pressure!"

"no. shut up," you wave your hand in his direction, "are you seriously trying to say that you think falling in love is a curse because you think you've got to perform a certain way to keep people interested? like no one--" you snort a little, tone going to the mocking zone, "--could ever love you for you?"

he puts his hands on his hips, partaking in your laughter a little too. but it's strained. "i don't need to take this from someone who hid a brain the size of a planetary moon behind a can of aquanet for the better part of her high school career so some haircuts would give her the eye, okay? you know aaaaall about performing."

eddie knows he has you nailed so you throw your straw at him. fucker.

"those come out of my paycheck, jackass."

"sorry for bankrupting you," you say, not done. "but eddie. c'mon."

"i'll come on anything you want me to."

"seriously."

"seriously, i will."

"no-- like, you can't possibly expect me to believe you think you're unlovable." you press your forearms into the bartop (ew, sticky) like level with me here.

eddie flings his bar towel around his neck, tugging at either end hard. "i'unno."

"unlikable, sure, you're the most irritating person i've ever met but--"

"--but i don't have the best track record for getting people to stick around." he lifts his shoulders, like it's nothing, like whatever. he's even smiling. pleading, in a way. drop it, for once.

no. anger bursts under your sternum like a tiny firework.

"so?"

eddie double takes, something like fear or frustration flashing in his dark eyes. they're only made darker by the shitty backlight of the bar. makes him look older, which makes you feel weirder. "so?"

"so none of that was on you." you say. like it's nothing. sipping your drink. "none of that was your fault."

eddie's eyes drop from yours. he stares at the sticky bartop.

"and you're never pretending. at least, i've never seen you pretend."

there is no act of anti-god, no dastardly intervention that will let you stop yourself from speaking. this is what you get for sitting around the hideout at six in the evening on new year's eve.

"you've always been horribly yourself to me and i still... can't stand you." a beat. because you're waiting for eddie to look back up under the glower of his brow. his mouth is kind of a snarl, kind of a smile. "so don't treat it like a curse when it isn't, asshole. don't jump ahead in the story."

don't jump ahead. he says it all the time, talking about dnd, talking about some dumb anecdote, talking about music. don't jump ahead in the story.

he looks at you like, you remembered, and pulls a bottle of no-name brand tequila and two shot glasses from behind him.

you shrug at him like, you're around, and have to get up and do a walking lap of the bar after that shot. disgusting!

#powder room talk #fracturedarkness #e. munson by powder #blurbs #hai brainrot #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fic #ABI i fell over and wrote some fluff and soft lacy like some kind of FREAK!!!!!!!!!!! #thank u so much <333333

[abitohoney]

~ Sugar Baby Sevika ~

So after receiving an ask for Sugar Mommy Sevika (you can check out the post here), I decided I wanted to do the reverse as well. Honestly, this was probably just an excuse for me to dabble some more in bottom/sub Sevika before I someday get to the Sub!Sevika story I have planned. Total role reversal from what I usually write. Hopefully I pulled it off. 😬

(I couldn't resist using this screenshot for reasons you will soon learn 🤭) disregard how her drool is defying gravity because I rotated the screenshot

NSFW, MDNI, Explicit

Maybe you’re in an unloving marriage, or maybe your spouse simply can’t fulfill your specific needs, so you’re left to look for another source to scratch that itch. Or maybe it’s simply that you have nobody waiting for you at home at all, and crave some intimacy or a means to release some stress built up from your mentally taxing job.

What you’re looking for, you can’t find through the typical channels. You’re not looking for some cute, little, young thing. You want someone with more experience, confidence, and strength. But not for reasons one might think. You have something else in mind entirely.

I could see you meeting Sevika at the gym you frequent after a long day at work. You don't ask her outright to form such an arrangement. You approach her several times over the course of several days, conversing about the equipment, her workout routine, your jobs, and even sneaking in some more personal questions to feel out if she’s even available and interested in you. But you also don't pussyfoot around with much small talk. You get to the point quickly.

One late night, when you two are the only remaining patrons at the gym, you follow Sevika into the locker room. She has a white towel wrapped loosely around the sweaty, dark skin of her neck and broad shoulders. The sight makes your body heat with excitement. Tonight is the night you're going to make the proposition. You step up beside her, your locker coincidentally adjacent to hers.

Sevika side-eyes you, a tiny smirk playing at her dark lips when she catches you far less discreetly ogling her sweat-covered muscles when she reaches to open her locker.

You've seen her enough times, even spoken with her enough, to know she's got an ego. And you know exactly how to stroke it.

"You've got quite the routine out there," you say with just a hint of a flirty tone. You open your own locker, but your attention remains on Sevika's expression, watching for any signs of emotion on her typically stoic face. When she simply peers at you from her periphery while taking a long drink from her water bottle, you take that as permission to continue.

"I really admire a woman with such determination and discipline. It's hard to find a woman with strength like yours."

Now that seems to get her attention, as she tosses her towel and a change of clothes on the bench behind her and turns her full attention to you, that delightful smirk of hers on the verge of appearing in full.

"Yeah?" She asks, her rich voice dripping with confidence as she leans her elbow against the locker door, intentionally flexing that glorious bicep of hers right in front of your face.

You turn to face her with a sultry smile before letting your gaze fall to her obvious display. "Mhm."

She raises a brow ever so slightly, clearly intrigued as to where this conversation is headed.

"Listen, this might be a bit too forward, but I'm looking for someone who can provide me with some specific-" you pause, glancing off into the distance as if searching for the word, "-services. And you look like the perfect fit. I would, of course, pay you-" you pause again, this time to drag the tip of your index finger over her bicep suggestively, "-handsomely." Your eyes trail back up to her face, noting how she arches that brow even higher at your audacity. But that crooked little grin plays at her lips too, so you finish your question. "Interested?"

She's definitely interested, but she thinks this will be her railing you, not the other way around. But you didn’t pick her for that. You wanted someone who wasn't used to being the center of attention or giving up control. You wanted someone challenging. Someone you’d have to work with to break the status quo. Someone who needed, and probably even subconsciously wanted, to know what it's like to be on the receiving end of pleasure.

Sevika is hesitant at first, that first night you explain exactly what you want to do with her, or rather to her. But she's also undeniably intrigued, and your offered generous payment (money, gifts, travel, whatever she wanted really) helps seal the deal.

She may not like to admit it, may even refuse to, but she quickly finds that she actually loves allowing you to take charge. She enjoys letting go for once, being the one to submit, to receive that direct pleasure, attention, and praise. And the spoiling with money, gifts, and material things? That's just the icing on the cake. Icing and cake she never thought she'd try yet now finds she craves it.

You’re loving it just as much as you expected. She makes you feel alive. The control you have over this fierce woman. The way that hard, tough facade of hers crumbles the moment you get her alone. It feels so good to make her feel good.

You always give her a safe word when you venture into more wild territory, but she never uses it. She revels in all the terribly sinful things you do to her.

You kneel in the middle of Sevika’s bed, taking a brief moment to catch your breath and admire the sight before you. Sevika’s wrists are tightly bound together by her own bra- a soft, pink, lacy thing you bought her when you went shopping during your last business trip. Her hands rest against the pillow just above where her face is pressed into it in an attempt to hide her blissful expression and muffle her sounds of pleasure. And despite how wide you’ve got those deliciously thick thighs of her spread, her perfectly sculpted ass still sits high in the air, and it's currently weakly pushing back against your thighs in an attempt to ride the light-pink strap you have buried inside her.

You think she looks so pretty like this. Exposed, naked, vulnerable, and so very needy. Just for you. But you want to see her expression, hear all those pretty sounds she makes when you fuck her like this. You want to know exactly how good she feels.

When you start slowly thrusting inside her again, you grab her by the little half-ponytail at the back of her head and yank- hard, pulling her upright and making her back arch. And good god, it’s fucking divine. The curve of her muscular back is breathtakingly beautiful.

Her throaty cry of pain mixed with pleasure is cut short when you stuff two fingers so deep down her throat that she gags with each violent thrust of your hips. Drool quickly slides down your hand and arm before dripping onto the sheets.

“Uh-uh,” you tut, “No hiding, baby.” You pull her head impossibly closer to yours, making her jaw fall slack and those beautiful gray eyes roll back. “I want to see that pretty face,” you coo against her ear.

That earns you a pathetic, almost whiney, groan. She fucking loves when you talk to her like that.

“Mommy wants to hear those lovely sounds too,” you purr before sliding your wet fingers from her mouth to wrap around her thick throat. “Do you like when Mommy fucks you like this?”

When she doesn’t immediately answer, only releases a deep, guttural moan, you shove her head back down against the mattress and bring your hand down hard against the curve of her ass.

“Fuck!” Her throaty curse is almost loud enough to drown out the resounding SMACK of your skin against hers.

“Do you want Mommy to stop?” you threaten, pulling the strap out of her weeping cunt until just the very tip remains.

“No! No please!” she whines in that low, throaty tone that makes you downright melt. Like she's so afraid to admit it, but so desperate to get it. “Please Mommy, I’ll be good.”

You bury the faux cock to the hilt, shaking the bed hard enough to rattle the headboard against the wall. Sevika’s curse turns into a long, quiet groan as you bend over her large body and wrap an arm around her to cup a breast.

“Then answer me,” you growl and give her a rough squeeze.

“Yes- I- I like when you fuck me like this,” she groans and closes her eyes shut tight.

“That’s my good girl,” you whisper before pressing a tender kiss to the back of her shoulder.

Each night you have her, you make sure she’s one hundred percent satisfied. You might be paying her for this, but her pleasure is your pleasure.

But what brings you the most satisfaction out of this entire arrangement, is how she looks afterwards.

You love how beautiful she looks with her lipstick smudged, makeup running down her face from her tears of euphoria, hair loose and sticking to her sweaty skin. That glowing appearance she gets after a good fuck. And the cherry on top? That almost bashful smile on her gorgeously chiseled face when she sees you so openly admiring her.

And you don't hold back on the aftercare either. Cleaning her up, giving her water, touching her gently, and whispering sweet-nothings against her skin.

You lie on your back with your head propped up on Sevika’s pillows, basking in the afterglow of another wonderful night of pure bliss. Sevika’s head rests on your bare chest, one cheek pressed to your cleavage as she listens to your heartbeat, her still-naked body partially sprawled across yours. Your breath has calmed down since cleaning her up, but her breaths still come out shaky and ragged. You fucked her real good tonight. You comb your fingers through her sweat-slick hair soothingly, feeling proud to be the one to give this big, beautiful woman something nobody else can.

“You really are beautiful, baby,” you say softly.

She has her face turned away from you, intentionally trying to hide her expression, but you see the way her exposed cheek flushes at your words. She adores the praise.

“You were so good for me,” you whisper, tracing a fingertip along the outer edge of her ear.

And after she passes out against your body, you reluctantly slip off the bed, but not without first giving her forehead a tender kiss when you hear her groan at the loss of your warmth. You leave a generous amount of money on her bedside table along with a wrapped bottle of her favorite wine and box of cigars before finally heading home, wishing you could just stay all night with her or bring her home with you.

You grow attached quickly. It's hard not to when such a strong, beautiful woman gives you access to her body and mind. Of course the heart is sure to get tangled in it at some point. Not that you mind. You’d happily make this a more permanent arrangement if Sevika would have it.

And she would. She too can't deny there's more to this than the money and material things. Nobody has ever fucked her like you do. Taken such good care of her. Made her feel the way you do. Made her feel- So. Damn. Good. All that attention, praise, and the tenderness you show her. She'd gladly let you have your way with her free of charge if you asked.

But you don't ever even consider asking. You enjoy spoiling your darling sugar baby way too much.

#arcane #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika imagine #arcane sevika x reader #honey writes

[headcanonandburn]

Lily 2.0

so, a while ago, back when this blog was just finding it's foot, i made a post with a headcanon about why Jilly and Snilly wouldn't work out, wich was taken from a Prince Chaser fict , a ship that...if we are being honest probably wouldn't work out 'cause who would date someone who comited or threatened to comit CSA on them back when they were kids? but the ficts about it are cute and the ship is at least better than...say Severus Snape/Dumbledore.

anyway,back to the topic: after i made that post, a fellow Snape fan by the username of emma03080114 made several good points that i decided to include on it so now i present you....LILY 2.0 :

as much as they hated each other, James Potter and Severus Snape had one thing in common: although they liked to claim otherwise, neither of them truly loved Lily:

Yes they idealized her, as teens often do but it was not love.

To them, she was a princess from a fairytail, capable of doing no wrong and with next to no character flaws whatsoever.

James was crushing hard on Lily. He was atracted to Lily because of her beauty and popularity as well as her fiery temper'cause what he wanted the most was to have a stay at home warrior woman for a wife. To him, Lily was a challenge wich is what he loves the most as we can see when we take into consideration that it was him who decided that the marauders would become Animagi and it was him who had the idea for the marauders map. Hence why his main strategy to win her over was not to become closer to her but instead wear her down untill her NO becomes a YES.

He viewed Lily as Princess Peach a fiery damsel in distress, kidnaped by the big bad Bowser Severus who was tretening to crush her heart and bring her with him to the darkness,doing to her as he saw fit. (not that James knows shit about videogames or anything muggle really but i thought it was a good analogy)

James was the one who decided to get married and have kids right after they graduated Hogwarts and if it weren't for the war, Lily wouldn't have agreed 'cause she wanted to persue a carrer (probably as a healer or charms master) however, James, who had the most dotting parents anyone could ever wish for, had always idelized the notion of family and wanted one for himself. Once his parents died and seeing the war wouldn't stop anytime soon, he decided to fulfill that dream before it was to late.

Some may argue that he had to have loved Lily at least a bit since Harry came into existence but that could also have been motivated by lust and his own desire to have kids. it is more than clear that he was sexualy atracted to her and you don't have to love someone to have sex with them nor vice versa.

Severus, on the other hand, viwed Lily was his Belle, the only one he felt would ever be able to love the moster he saw himself as. He was unloved by his dad and although his mom may have loved him, she didn't love him enough to leave Tobias for his sake.

Never being exposed to real love or friendship prior to knowing lily is not surprising that he mistook the platonic love we did feel for her for a romantic love.

Neither Severus nor James ever got to truly know her, to see her as a person instead of an idea. Hence why i personally think that, had James and Lily lived, their relationship wouldn't last long.

They were just not right for each other: she was too headstrong, too opinionated and too independent to be the dotting wife he always dreamed of. Heck i can't even imagine her as a stay at home mom like most of the pureblood wifes seem to be.

In the End, Lily chose James because she, Like her sister, was a social climber and despite James being a certified toarag, he was pretty, popular, dominant and dirty rich was well as being a pureblood, thus giving her acess to the same social group that disciminated against her.

She also wasn't touchy enough for James or Severus and since she idealizes herself, believing herself to be superior to others, interpersonal justice is the only form of justice that matters to her. Thus, she would never correct Severus on his prejudiced views until those views resulted in her own feelings being hurt (like they canonically were at the lake.), plus despite the fact that she cares about thim, she never tried to view his side of the story. She never stoped to consider, for example, that a vast majority of the slytherins are either children of death eaters and/or planing to be death eaters so if Severus stoped talking to everyone associated with death eaters, he wouldn't have anyone to talk to in his house.

Honestly, i think that, for him to change without Lily dying, he would have to see muggles being mercilesly tourtured by those who follow the one he chose to call master, as well as having someone who suports him for real (ie not like Dumbledore who was more than happy to keep him in the DE instead of offering him a better option).

and for James to change for real, ('cause i don't think he did. i think he just toned down his bullying whenever Lily was around),he would have to see how much what he and his friends did truly hurts Severus. To do that, he would need to talk to someone who knows what Severus had gone trough or truly reflect if what he did was ok. Truthfully, is hard for people like him to change, unless something or someone makes them more empathic with others

Wow this poster got long!

Once again, thanks for your input emma03080114 and for those who are wondering, no i do not hate Lily, i just think that she would be better off with someone else.

#harry potter headcanon #headcanon #hp headcanon #anti jily #anti snily #pro severus snape #severus headcannon #severus snape headcanon #severus snape #james potter #lily evans

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hii sex witch

im 19 afab and ive never had sex before, i masturbate sometimes but ive never had an orgasm and dont know how to "get it"?.. im generally scared of sex and identified as asexual for a long time but i dont think thats really my deal, im just scared of it. im scared of it being awkward, of my partner not finding me atractive or worse. i dont like how i look naked, and dont imagine anyone ever could. i think my vagina and my boobs look ugly and alien, i preach body positivity and being natural i think all bodies are good no matter how they look but when im faced with the reality of my own body im repulsed by these parts of it. i think something may be broken inside me because i just cant Be Normal about sex, the thought of me having it always makes me stressed and uncomfortable. i want a relationship and i love meeting new people and flirting etc. but when the person i talk to makes any sexual joke or innuendo i get super tense and scared and realise that if things get further they would probably want me to do it... and maybe i could and maybe i even want to but the thought makes me sick with the pressure. this isnt even a question, so i dont know how you could even respond but i dont have anyone i could openly talk about this in my life without feeling super weird or them just brushing it off as "you'll grow up to it" or something, and i just had to say it to someone or else i will eventually explode. hope this all makes sense ❤️‍🩹

hey anon,

come in, get cozy, grab a glass of lemonade, etc. we're gonna be here a minute.

so listen: I swear to GOD this isn't me trying to pull the "you'll grow into it" thing. I am going somewhere different with this I swear. bear with me.

first and foremost, I think the main problem you're experiencing right now is that being 19. I don't mean that in a condescending or belittling way, or to imply that you just don't want to have sex because you're 19. I'm saying that being 19 (and 18, and 20, and 21, and so on) is mostly for being worried about everything and having no idea what's going on. you have to get all that insane anxiety out of your system as early as possible in your adult years so that you can get down to business actually developing a perspective and figuring out what you want to do. I'm not even, like, a LOT older than you but trust me, by the time you're 26 you're going to feel SOOOOO different about things that you don't even realize you have an opinion about right now. when I was 19 I was made pretty much exclusively of anxiety and the cheapest bagels at the grocery store. (eating badly was not helping my anxiety.)

what I'm getting at here is that you're at like a very exciting and terrible formative age when it's the most normal thing in the world to feel like there's something uniquely awful and hideous and unlovable about yourself. when I was 19 the two most important things in the world to me were losing my virginity (lmao) and making sure I never experienced actual emotional intimacy ever because I was sure that if anyone got close enough to really know me they would realize that I was the worst person who ever lived and fundamentally undeserving of human connection. TERRIBLE place to be in; I had a lot of deeply bad and uncomfortable sex because of it.

there's a really easy solution to being terrified of sex, which I wish someone had told me when I was very scared of sex, and it's if having sex sounds like a horrific ordeal you can actually just Not Have Sex. just don't do it. it's actually REALLY easy to not have sex; millions of people do it every single day.

if you like meeting people and flirting, that's awesome! you should do that, having connections and relationships with other people is important. if you don't like sexual jokes and innuendos you can just tell people they make you uncomfortable and ask them not to do that; how they respond is actually a GREAT litmus test for whether or not those are people you should keep hanging out with. if someone isn't able to not make sexual comments about you after you've asked them not to, kick 'em to the curb!

there are tons of people in all kinds of romantic relationships who aren't having sex. that's a perfectly fine and reasonable boundary to set. it can make things a little more complicated, sure, but dating and romance and love are all complicated and messy anyway. again, great way to VERY EFFICIENTLY weed out who is and isn't a suitable potential partner. (it's also fine to not want a partner, either; there's nothing wrong with being a sociable extrovert who doesn't want to have sex.)

there's nothing broken about you for being nervous about the idea of having sex. whether you identify as asexual or not, it's perfectly fine to feel that way. it's completely fine if you change your mind tomorrow or if you feel this way for the rest of your life. and you might! maybe sex will never sound awesome for you, and that's fine! again, tons of people living very good and happy lives every day without having sex! sex isn't a measure of maturity, but knowing yourself well enough to honor your own boundaries and desires is.

I hope a kinder attitude towards your own body can come with time, and I think it will. be gentle with yourself, alright? being 19 is very silly but unfortunately very necessary, and I think you'll really like what comes after if you let yourself relax a little. whatever you feel like right now, you're actually a very normal person, by which I of course mean you have a rich and brilliant mind and will do many quietly wonderful things in your life and will be deserving of every bit of love and joy that comes your way.

also, hey - have you ever seen a therapist about anxiety? I also should have done that when I was 19.

#sex edventures 2023

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen! I recently turned 30 and have never been in a relationship

In highschool and university I was more focused on school and extracurricular activities, and relationships didn't interest me all that much. Looking back I think it was because I didn't realize I was a lesbian, and the idea of dating boys didn't seem appealing. And maybe others saw that, as I was never asked out (by any gender), and to my knowledge, no one ever took interest in me.

In my early-20s I became interested in dating once I figured out my sexuality, and tried a few dating apps and meeting new people. But nothing really came from it. I have zero experience in dating and flirting, and I have no idea what it's like to be romanced or flirted with. Just like in highschool and university, no one had ever asked me out or seem genuinely interested in me. The older I get and the more Valentine's day I see passing by as a single person, the less hopeful I feel.

It sounds silly and stupid, but I feel like I'm unlovable. Can't see a future where someone falls in love with me, and vice versa; it's so easy to just give up the hope that this loneliness will end.

I don't know what I'm asking for here - reassurance that I'm not alone in this? reassurance that I will be OK being alone? Are there others who went through similar situations and found happiness?

On a different topic: where did you get your rainbow frog necklace? I study frogs and have tried looking for that necklace everywhere.

Thank you so much!

The only dating I did in high school was with one boy whom I met at a campground one summer. He was perfect because I was not interested but also wanted to look like I liked boys. He lived about 40 minutes away and was a farm kid so our time together was very limited. It saved me from having to constantly make up excuses like “I am sick” or “I can’t kiss because I have a cold sore starting”. Any time we were together I ducked and dodged his advances and he was a gentleman about it, never pushing my boundaries. 

In college I finally admitted I liked women but was nowhere near confident enough to come out. I dated one boy, on one date and never was asked again, by man or woman which was disheartening on some level BUT also a relief because I was having fun with my friends (who were all dating off and on) and was not ready for any sort of relationship. I definitely didn’t want a boy asking me and girls scared the hell out of me. I have been told by many of my older lesbian (and some younger) friends that being intimidated by women, especially those we find attractive or interesting, is normal and expected for many of us. 

Lesbians are often way behind in dating etiquette and practice simply because we often don’t date in high school or college (at least not anyone we want to). We wait until young adulthood and independence to wade into the dating pool. Lacking dating or relationship experience seems more prevalent the older we are. But I have noticed some of the “in the middle” lesbians (30 to 40ish)  are really struggling with finding each other, dating and feeling confident enough to ask others out. It seems a fair amount of my friends find themselves single after a long relationship (often their first serious one) in that age bracket OR are just now coming out as “late in life lesbian” and have no idea how to even get started. 

I would say you are in good company no matter the reasons you haven’t been in a relationship. You could be dealing with any number of obstacles but the good news is you can handle them. You might be a bit intimidating, either from your stature or your confidence. You might be just limited in the amount of women you are exposed to therefore your dating pool is a bit stifled. Or you maybe just haven’t had the luck of meeting someone who was the right person at the right time. 

As per usual I would suggest getting to lesbian/women events. Try women’s festivals or local concerts featuring women singers or entertainers. These events will attract a wide array of lesbians and bi women and at least you could meet some more like minded women.  Just ask. If you see a woman at the gay bar or at a non profit fundraiser or at a concert, say hello and introduce yourself. At worst they aren’t interested and you have lost nothing but a minute. You might not end up on a date but you could make a new friend. 

The beauty of women’s festivals is that almost everyone there is lesbian or bi (not all but for once we are in the majority). AND it is perfectly acceptable to meet and make friends and the more you expand your friend circle the better for you. Many women meet compatible partners through other friends. 

Dating apps are an option. I can’t speak for them because I have not used one but I hear they are loaded with people looking for one night stands etc, which does not seem like what you are looking for at this stage in your life. So while they are an easy way to meet others looking to date you might have to wade through a lot of muck to find someone worthy of your time and energy.

It never hurts to ask friends to keep their eyes open. They might assume you are happily single and therefore don’t say anything but you never know who they know. You can do this and you will be fine. It just might take a little work putting yourself out there on social media, dating apps and at events. 

The necklace was made for me by my friend Weird Dan who was an artist and leathersmith. IT had to be reconditioned with new leather and some repair on the beads over covid. My girlfriend at the time found this little frog charm so when the repair was done I had it placed in the center. I have not taken it off for years except for the repairs. You can google “frog charm” or “antique silver frog charm pendant”  and some will come up. It is nothing expensive but I love it all the more because of who gave it to me. 

Remember  You deserve someone who has mutual passion and love for you. Don’t rush, don’t settle and be honest with yourself and you will be okay.

#lesbian #dating #inexperience #lonely

[nono-bunny]

Underrated aspect of NPMD that really captured me is the kids and the relationships they have with their parents

We already knew Mayor Solomon Lauter was a bad dad from Abstinence Camp, so his behavior here was nothing per se, but... Wow, he really truly doesn't care at all for Steph, huh? "Damn you soul to five eldritch abominations, I'm not messing with them again!" he basically says to his teen daughter before getting demolished by a ghost. Again? Never did I think I wanted to learn more about that nasty man before, but... Now I am intrigued.

Grace's parents make me so fucking uncomfortable the way they speak to each other tbh, but also in terms of their relationship to her? Yeah I fucking see where she's coming from now, her parents are so controlling and stifling that it's no wonder she gets a little bit of power and goes insane!

Pete and Ted's dad sells ladies shoes and? I think that's all we ever get about their parents iirc, but we do know that they were both sent to Camp Idontwannabang and despite both of them being weird, they also seem to me like they might just have the overall most loving and normal parents. We know Ted's personality changed over time, and he and Pete seem to have an overall positive relationship as far as I could tell, but it's not like? Foster's level of caring for one another in their parents stead and the fact that we never hear anything BAD about their parents make me think that they just aren't very remarkable, so like? Good for them honestly

Ruth??? Oh my god Ruth is so lonely and starved for love and affection I cannot imagine a world in which she has loving parents, she mentions talking to fucking telemarketers all the time but never once talks about her family and honestly??? That kinda says it all for me, Ruth seems to be in a very unloving home and I'm so sad for her- her focus on broken families in The Barbecue Monolgues feels like it's also indicative of her personal life tbh, poor girl!! I'm glad she has Richie and Pete, she's weird af but so are they and they make it work!

Richie says nothing about his family either so I'm just gonna. Headcanon him having like, a normal family who thinks he's a bit weird but loves him all the same and doesn't like, try and stop him from living his life because that's the kinda environment his very open love of anime seems to imply to me

And finally... Oh my god, Max... Yeah his dad is 100% abusive. Him being afraid of going back home even when he's frightened of ghosts and skeletons, the way he loiters around public places after school looking to take out his own frustration on others... His bullying and abuse seems like learned behavior and I actually feel so bad for him, he's a complete dick but he's also not wrong about the way literally nobody cares about him once he dies. Is it weird that I feel like the school is seriously failing him by brushing off his behavior rather than checking on his life situation of trying to find where it's coming from? Like, I get it, he's the star quarterback, they don't wanna mess with him or something (I'm not gonna even pretend to know how American high schools seem to work, the whole school environment before he dies is completely foreign to me) but??? Surely letting him just run wild like that would raise SOME alarm bells in someone's head that there's something wrong in his life???? Personally I headcanon the timeline where Miss Holiday becomes the guidance counselor to also be the one where he gets help from her and/or Duke. I don't know that there something inherently supernatural about him but SURELY Duke also works with normal families, right? Anyway in other life I hope he actually gets help because he seems to be in a really shitty situation and the school is just enabling his behavior which also naturally majorly sucks for everyone around him. The guy needs therapy fr

I actually really loved all six of them, and even though Max is awful, I kinda wanna see a story where they all team up and become friends because I kinda feel like they'd be unstoppable lol (also the symmetry of five Lords In Black and one Webby????)

#nerdy prudes must die #starkid #hatchetverse

[ikosburneraccount]

What surprises me is how many black swifties I've seen (men and women). I wonder why they would be a fan of someone like Taylor.

answered under the cut: (this is also the second to last ask abt swifties that i'll do)

Sorry this took me ten bajillion years to get back to you. I finished the rest of the semester and then got sick but this ask never left my mind. Also, sorry for the spelling or grammatical errors. I'm still sick and too lazy to edit rn and wrote this in one go.

Black Swifties piss me OFF for so many reasons. and it has to do with the fact that they're black and Taylor isn't.

Going off of Taylor's music and music alone, the reason I CANNOT get into her music whatsoever is because of her. A majority of her songs are inspired by her heartbreak from previous relationships. She draws upon this pain in a self exploitative manner and uses this raw, confessional voice that so many people find comfort in. FINE.

But I can't Taylor seriously when she sings about feeling undesirable, or broken, or insecure, or anything to do with her relationships. She doesn't write music for me, meaning: how the fuck does she really know about being undesirable, or worthless, or unloveable.

Taylor Swift literally could've been a model: she's tall with a willowy build reminisicent of supermodels; she has blue eyes and blonde hair. What does SHE really know about being unloveable, undesirable, invisible and always the last choice?

I'm a black girl. I know what it's like to be ugly, in a raw, real, true undesirable way. I know what its like to never be good enough. To be invisible to someone I like: its all I EVER knew growing up. What does she know, growing up resolved to the fact that confessing is pointless because I'd never be desirable, anyways?

Taylor Swift's music came off as so...distasteful to me because of it. Because not only is she desirable because of the simple fact that she's a white woman, but because she's THE white woman: blonde, tall, fit, with blue eyes that every Y/N in every Wattpad story you've ever read has. She's THE standard for being an attractive woman.

But in the same breathe, I guess that's why her fans of color find solace in her. Because even the most objectively desirable woman feels this way too, right? But she's been in relationships. She's been kissed, she's had sex, she's always had a point, in sometime or someplace or somewhere, even it was brief, that she was desirable and loveable to someone. I can't or many other Black girls can say the same. I know too many that have never been in relationships, who've never been kissed, who've never had someone express desire in them. So many Black girls and women only know pain.

I don't think Taylor could ever capture the pain of that heartbreak. Of knowing that no matter what you could do, no matter how beautiful you've made yourself to be, you'd still never be desirable. That before you were even a possibility that could be born, you were and will die being viewed as Ugly. You never could and never will be enough.

So back to Black Swifties: I don't understand how any Black people, because of the reasons stated above, support this woman. I cannot find any place in my heart to go ahead and express sympathy, or feel empathy, towards this woman who's greatest pain will be the rejection from someone who at least, for the briefest moment, could say that they loved her. At least someone found her attractive enough to date. Attractive enough to be desired. I can't say that. So many Black people, Black WOMEN, cannot say this.

It feels wrong and feels fucking stupid to feel bad for a woman like her. She's a white woman and seen as beautiful because of it; the whole world will pity her for her heartbreak. The only reason they don't is because of what she's done as a person. Not because of how undesirable she is for who she was born as. They will never blame her undesirability for who she was born as.

SO I think Black Swifties look stupid as fuck crying and defending this woman. You are a Black person calling this white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes a 'queen.' Do you not see how BAD how this looks for a Black person? To openly worship a white woman, one with BLONDE HAIR and BLUE EYES? And then they get upset when other Black people state openly that they do not trust them! Because I don't either.

I'm not gonna sit here and feel bad because she's heartbroken. I'm not going to coddle her or cheer her on. I don't care. Swifties only prove my point that everyone will come to her beck and call to comfort her. Because she's a white woman and she will always be the perfect victim because of it. She is the last person who deserves to be comforted by me.

There are so many people who will never be seen as the victim. There are so many people born as aggressors of crimes they will never commit. There are people whose existence threatens the existence of an unjust state. There are so many people who will live and die without a single person to cry for them, to care for them. So it seems fucking stupid to be another person to care about this woman that millions of others will tend to. Especially as a Black person pouring emotional care into a white woman who will never, ever do the same. To a white person who will never, ever give a single fuck about you.

And none of this is taking into account how racist Taylor Swift is either. Like that's the worst part about this: is that this is just from the optics and her music.

So yeah. I think Black Swifties are fucking stupid. Especially those who continue to support her after she dated that bigot who jerked off to Black women being sexually torture. She dated a guy who got off to that and she KNEW he got off to that. So I view Black Swifties as [redacted redacted redacted] and have no self respect, so I'm not going to respect them either.

I fucking hate Black and POC Swifties. Learn to love yourself bc when you do, you WILL stop stanning that woman.

The end. of answering this ask LOL

PS I made an anti taylor swift blog. it's @notyouraryang0dd3ss and you can follow me there instead

#my asks #Anonymous #ooc #anti taylor swift

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #111

I went with my best friend B and her sister to a place called Lowville to see the solar eclipse. The trip was around 2 and a half hours long. B drove. Many silly and hilarious shenanigans were had along the way. I haven't laughed this much in a long time; my stomach kind of hurts, I was laughing with them so hard for parts of the trip.

…More than anything, if just for today, I wish you were here so you could experience this, too. The laughter. The joy. The love. Even if you get confused because you're not used to it, and even if you need someone to hold your hand to feel safe. I wish you were here to experience this for yourself so badly that I could almost cry.

…But that's silly; you don't exist as anything but an art form here. And even if I did allow my emotions to overflow from my eyes, it's not as though most anyone would understand anyway. Maybe they'd even think me deranged. So I won't. I'll pretend to be normal and okay for just a little while longer. Why not. Another 34 years or so really isn't that long, right?

…It's so heavy sometimes, though…

…

Well. I know you love nature. So I took as many photos for you along the way as I could. But I was in a moving vehicle when I took them, so I saved only the best ones. Here:

We got to the place early. Just enough time to eat a simple lunch at a Stewart's Shop, and… incidentally, enough time to check out a cheese shop! Cheese is one of my favorite things ever, and so I asked if we could go, and so we went!! Here, I'll show you what it looked like; maybe you'll see a little bit of my reflection in some of the glass of the display cases, haha:

I got a variety of nice things to bring home for M, J, and Br!! I'll show them to you!

In any case! After that, we found a very sparsely-populated hill in the middle of a parking lot. Not a glamorous place to watch the eclipse, I know. But it's all right; the clouds rolled in very thickly just when it was beginning, anyhow:

I tried to take a picture through the fancy glasses we got. Here's the result of that:

And in this one, you can see the way that the sun and the moon begin their slow dance in the sky together; I had to turn the brightness of my camera all the way down to make it work:

Because of the clouds, I wasn't able to get a very good picture for you. But in this one, if you'll look closely, you'll see the moon fully and lovingly embraced by the sun:

And, while the sun so tenderly encircled the moon within its light, the sky was a gloriously prismatic sunset in every direction, no matter where we looked; my camera COULD NOT do this justice, but... here:

Hey, Sephiroth? Please don't imagine you're unlovable, or that you're some kind of monstrosity, or that you're something that shouldn't exist. Because… Sephiroth… I am still alive only by virtue of the fact that I am looking for you in every little thing in my world that I can. I look for you in every delightful sip of tea, in every meal I share with the people around me, in every nifty thing I find at the grocery store that I think you might like. I look for you in every nice-smelling soap, in every warm, pleasant breeze, in the scent and colorful petals of every blossom, in every feather I happen to find and pick up from the ground. I'm looking for you within the way snow crystals refract light into kaleidoscopic prisms, within the tendrils of every wispy cloud, within the sound of leaves rustling in the wind, and in the sight of the sunlight streaming down from their leaves to dapple the ground. I'm looking for you in every melody I hear, in all the laughter I share with my friends and chosen family, and within the tears streaming down my cheeks (despite my best efforts to keep them in check…) as I write this to you.

You are the sun to at least one person, and I know this because if you can look at me and see someone who shines, you have to know that it's only because I am reflecting the light that you gave me so many years ago; it came from you. Your light breathed life into me when I felt dead inside, and it bade me to rise up from my knees even when I thought I couldn't go on, in the same way that our sun bids saplings to break through the confines of their seeds and rise up into truly living. You gave me the strength to continue when my surroundings were painful and wretched, and now everything that surrounds me is beautiful and full of love. You have been my guiding light and my reason for keeping my eyes on the distant horizon no matter what gets thrown at me.

And for all that, I could write letters to you like this for all of eternity, and still, it wouldn't be enough to thank you. I could trade my life for your safety (I would do this proudly, happily, and without even a fraction of a moment's hesitation), and it still wouldn't be enough to thank you. Even if by some miracle I had the power to create with my bare hands a whole world for you that has everything you could possibly ever want or need, it STILL wouldn't be enough to thank you. So don't… please…. please don't call yourself a monster anymore. Please don't be mean to yourself anymore. Okay?

On the way home, there was a crow flying over a rainbow-colored mosaic; we can only see its right wing from here...

Maybe it's ridiculous, but... you know, it doesn't hurt anyone if I can look at the one-winged thing dancing in the sky over some sparkly, beautiful, and prismatic thing, and think to myself that maybe, against all odds, you'll be safe somehow. Somehow...

My body uselessly threw what little water I drank today away, through my eyeballs. So I guess I had better stop writing in favor of rehydrating. How silly, hahaha… I wonder if I'll ever get used to inhabiting a flesh-vessel and all the quirks that come with it…

I love you. I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #solar eclipse 04/08/2024 #road trips #wholesome

[klutzyroses]

Hi! This is my first time requesting so I'm a bit nervous, I wanted to as of you could do mc who has mommy issues, like her mom mentally abused her, I'm sorry if this is too much too ask you can ignore it if you want(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

P. S I have been a fan of your work lately and have been stalking your account for any new updates lol but keep up the good work your an amazing writer (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Ah, it's people like you who keep me writing, anon! Thank you!💖💖❤❤

IkeVamp HCs: Abused S/O

How do they handle an s/o who has been abused by her mother?

Suitors: Napoleon, Vincent, Isaac, Dazai

Warnings: Mentions of emotional and mental abuse, parental neglect

Napoleon

The former emperor was never one to pry directly into people's affairs unless they were willing to tell him and that went for his nunuche as well.

However he couldn't help but notice a sudden shift in her behavior one day when she started acting a little different.

Any criticism, teasing or any scolding she received, she took especially hard. Harder than she normally would actually.

When Sebastian had lightly scolded her over a mistake she made while Napoleon was present, one would think he had driven a knife in her heart. He hadn't said anything out of the ordinary or anything particularly cruel, but the darling looked so crushed that both men were taken aback, especially when she hurriedly excused herself and ran out the room, near tears.

Was it even a question that Napoleon went after her almost immediately?

He really didn't take long to find his belle at the gazebo on the bench, her trembling form obvious from miles away. He wasted no time going up to her and pulling her into a warm embrace.

He will wait until she is calm enough to open up.

His grip tightens around her just a little, to keep himself from shaking with anger when he hears all about her cold and abusive mother, how she berated her daughter for every mistake she did and made her feel like nothing she did was good enough.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he let's her cry on his shoulder, running his hand up and down her back.

"It's okay, don't cry, mon ange, I'll protect you, and your heart from now on. So don't cry, okay...?"

He is a man of his word and he had yet to break any of the promises he made to the woman he loves.

Vincent

He had been awoken by whimpering next to him to see his sunflower crying in her sleep. Her beautiful face was wet with droplets of sorrow and distress as her soft lips mumbled apologies to someone, and promises to do better.

Worried, he gently woke her from her nightmare, unable to stand her tears for long.

If there is anyone who can understand the pain of being unloved by a parent, it's Vincent. So when she opens up that her nightmare was about her mother, her very vulgar and ill-tempered matriarch who made her life nothing short of a misery.

Vincent tenses as he listens to his beloved weep her sorrows onto his chest, his heart tightening.

With anger? Sadness? Sympathy? All three?

He couldn't be sure, but it was not a pleasant feeling. He could definitely relate to what she was feeling and it was only because of the sunflower in his arms that he could ever rise above it. And he would do the same for her.

He raises her face, holding the pretty visage in his hands as he kisses each tear away with such heart-rending tenderness, that the woman's sobs died down to quiet whimpers which are briefly cut off by a peck to the lips.

"Shh, it's going to be okay, scatje. I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

He would spend as long as he needs to shower her with the adoration she deserves. Until those woeful tears turn to the brightest of smiles.

Isaac

The physicist can very vaguely relate to having an emotionally distant mother, but to be treated in such a way? That was cruel.

He can't help but feel terrible for his darling when she opens up about how unkind her own mother had been to her and how it impacted her from early childhood.

He suddenly wishes he hadn't asked about her family. It had only been a casual question, that led to the poor dear to tear up.

He couldn't understand how anyone could hurt such a sweetheart?

If her mother was so cruel, how did she bring such an angel into the world?

Questions he could debate later but right now, his love needed to be comforted.

He tenderly takes the tearful maiden in his arms, tentatively as to not alarm or frighten her, tucking her close to his heart that aches at the sight of her tears.

The awkward physicist may not be as silver-tongued as the blasted authors that tease him on a daily basis, but he would be damned of he couldn't pour every ounce of love inside his heart into the fragile beauty in his arms.

"Please don't be upset...I can't stand to see you cry. I...love you too much."

He tries, he really does. He just wants to see that beautiful smile and nothing else.

Dazai

His heart aches, more so than usual when he finds his beloved Y/N in tears one evening. She was cooped up in the library, all by herself in just her nightgown, staring far off into nothingness with just a handkerchief to wipe her never ending tears and the many books to keep her company.

He found himself moving towards her before he could stop himself and seating himself beside her before taking her in his arms, earning a startled gasp from the distraught maiden.

He doesn't push her to tell him what's wrong but he doesn't plan on letting her go until she is better. It's then that he finds out about her experience dealing with her cruel and negligent mother.

How she called her names, how she blamed Y/N for everything wrong in her life, how she always insulted her in every possible way...

As she weeps through her tale, she is pressed to her lover's chest, so she couldn't possibly see the tension in his expression. But if she looked up, she'd see his lips pressed into a flat line and his golden eyes narrowed ever so slightly as they gleamed with the almost imperceptible flicker of anger.

He doesn't speak until she is finished and he only holds her tighter, cradling her as her body wracks with sobs as he whispers sweet words of comfort into her ear. He wants to let her know that none of those cruel insults were true. That she was a wonderful person and she meant the sun and moon to him.

"You're adorable, even when you cry but please, dry your tears my love, I'd much rather see you smile. If you don't smile, I'll just have to make you, won't I?"

He may not be able to make her happy, but her smile is his peace and she is his joy. He'd tell her he loves her as many times as she needs to hear it. The man is good with words.

🌸

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp headcanons #ikevam headcanons

[floareadeaur]

I'm the anon who asked for hcs with ferid in intimate moments. I also think that such labels as 'vanilla' or bdsm don't fit him, I don't think that he would care about this stuff, and neither do I. But I couldn't find any better words to describe what I wanted to say. I also didn't want to write a long essay about it lol. I am curious about vampires' nature and how their emotions work.

First of all, I thought that you are a reliable person that can actually see Ferid for who he is. I also knew from the beginning, when I started reading the manga, that Ferid, and many other characters, aren't how the fandom perceives them as. It is sad how so many characters in such amazing mangas and animes get so misunderstood by the whole fandom. I knew that Ferid had many 'secrets' and that everything he shows to the world is simply a facade. I knew that he had hidden motives and he may be an antihero. I understood that he was actually a lonely and generous soul, besides all his masks that he puts on to hide this vulnerability of his. I don't want to write an essay about him, so I'll just say that I agree with everything that you write about him.

Second of all, because I realized that there's finally another person that can really understand these characters in OnS, I decided that it is best to ask for your opinion on this matter, since it confused me. I thought for a long time that all vampires are asexual, but I saw how many vampires in ons break the stereotypes of vampires in their universe. So I've been wondering for a while if Ferid can also feel lust. I like your writings and your perspective about him. I can also feel that you genuinely love Ferid, even if he's fictional, because of how much of your soul you put in these analyses and stories. I guess that the Seraph of the End fandom perceives Ferid like how so many other people in the ons universe view him as. That's why so many characters in OnS are driven to do something for their love for someone, but Ferid may be the only character who REALLY was unloved, alone and misunderstood his entire life. I sometimes wish that Kagami would add a love interest for Ferid that could understand and love him, even if the manga is not about romantic love, rather about familial love.

But it's worse when you're a ferid kinnie and the fandom also thinks that you kin him for being 'creepy' and a clown with daddy issues. LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM?? I am part of many fandoms but this fandom is the worst one that I have ever been in. If I were Kagami and I saw how this fandom is, I would honestly kms. So much effort is put into these writings of Kagami, only to be misunderstood and fetishized by the whole fandom.

Hello!

Honestly, I did not expect to receive such a message. Usually, the feedback here is non-existent. I can say that it is one of the most beautiful surprises of my existence on tumblr. Thank you!

I prefer this type of communication, where people who read this blog talk openly and honestly with me, saying exactly what they think, what they like about what I write, or what they love about this series. Or, last but not least, what frustrates them about fandom.

Maybe it is because that is how I feel a real human interaction here, or maybe I just love discussing everything in depth!

Do not worry about using those terms. I have a very long opinion about the origin of "BDSM", or the way today's society influences such labels. All I can say is that, as you pointed out, I do not see Ferid falling into such "mechanical" labels.

I do not see many characters being into these labels, honestly. But I guess it is easier to classify characters under such categories in a black-and-white fashion.

To touch more on the topic you opened in the previous question, about what Ferid would be like intimately, I deeply emphasize his need to live truly, authentically and freely, as who he really is.

That is why I think he manifests very naturally and organically from an erotic perspective and just loves passionately, as it is said. Showing his real personality, being vulnerable. Love for him must be genuine.

Perhaps many do not notice this. But this character has extraordinarily sharp and objectively correct discernment.

For Ferid, good is good, bad is bad. His understanding of the world and values ​​is not distorted. That is precisely why he is so angry that his world, including his soul, is created from darkness, from a curse, a putrid origin. Because he realizes well what normality would be, something that does not exist in OnS. And he longs for this good and harmonious ideal.

That is why he is so frustrated and angry at those who should have given him genuine love: his parents, his older brother, Rígr. Remember how he tells Rígr, in their discussion in chapter 91, how he believes it is a father's duty to teach his son "the meaning of life". And beyond any irony, Ferid is right. It is the duty of the parents, the older brothers, the figures who have authority and responsibility over the little ones to genuinely love and care for them.

But Ferid was only objectified and used by all these people who played a fatal role in his existence, especially considering that he was a child, or at most a teenager when he interacted with them, meaning that he was an extremely impressionable being, an easily marked, vulnerable one.

And on the principle of his own universe, he tries to pay back all these people. Revenge is not something that makes him happy, given the ideal of a good universe that he would like, so he suffers.

But this tangibly demonstrates how Ferid knows what true love is, but has never met it. He tries to create it, going so far as to change the rotten origin of the universe that created his soul and holds him captive.

For me, this shows a special nobility of soul, a huge potential that Ferid has.

That is why I believe that if Ferid met genuine love, especially romantic, erotic love, he would give everything for it.

Of course, it is a situation he never encountered before, and he needs some time to get used to it.

That is why I described him in the previous answer as appearing "frozen" sometimes, stiff.

But if she truly loves him, Ferid opens up and resolutely offers a love of the same kind.

Ferid needs to be seen as human. A human person is not a label. How Ferid is not a label. A human person has a complexity of nuances, a paradox of experiences and feelings. Perhaps the hardest thing is seeing someone as human, not projecting your expectations onto them and just understanding that person.

In his love for his beloved woman, Ferid could be seen thus, humanly, in his complex reality with all the nuances. And he would see her that way too.

For the first time, he, who always truly reads people, would find something so harmonious in her being: the ability to be seen as himself through someone's eyes.

That is why I mentioned in several of my posts how Ferid would love to look into her eyes. Because her gaze would remind him of the sky, the place where he always looked for love and got no answer. But in that " sky " beyond her vivid, warm eyes, he now finds all he has sought all his life.

That is why I think that the way he would make love to her, how he would "be in bed" would be deeply derived from the way he loves her and how he feels loved by her.

I think it can be called "adoring" the way Ferid would make love to her. The way I portray every such scene with him in my mind is extremely organic, natural.

Their erotic intimacy would be a dive into the very lives of both.

It is precisely for this reason I see that Ferid has this tenderness and meticulous care for her. And at the same time that he leads her and is so dynamic.

Ferid simultaneously offers his sensitive fragility, his determined ability of leading to his woman. All in a lively, passionate form.

Thus I see that his every touch is so " consistent", " decided ".

It feels like a true dedication to her, how Ferid gives everything to their love, and I think this topic could be fleshed out more by me.

How the way Ferid touches his woman gives her safety and symbolizes how his true potential is given to a cause that makes Ferid truly happy. Why she loves him.

Why she loves Ferid Bathory, why she is melted in her intimacy with Ferid Bathory.

This subject is almost never touched upon in the writings of a fandom.

And that can lead us to what you were saying, why you love this character, why I love him.

I believe that the author of OnS has created vivid characters. Each character has a real human consistency. They are organically written, realistic for their contexts. That is why I think that each character can be admired, if we try to understand them as human beings in their universe.

I, at least, look at Kagami's works from a writer's point of view. I analyze literary, what were the intentions of the writer. Maybe that is why I also see these characters as living human entities in their fictional universe.

And I try to understand them like this. Before romanticizing, forming a romantic attachment, or a fantasy, I am focused on humanly understanding these characters and keeping their "living breath" further in what I write and analyze.

I think this is necessary in the understanding of some literary characters, especially when they are penciled in this way by the author.

Now, as I said, everyone understands everything as they can and as they want.

There was a time when I was so saddened by what you say, that the fandom does not understand any of the author's message. But I have realized that I had rather enjoy what I love than discuss what other people's opinions are.

Especially, Kagami said something that impressed me. He said how he never imagines "the voice of the fans" when he writes and that he is not interested in writing anything popular. He also said that he only writes from his heart, exactly what he feels and that he will always do only that, and how he strongly believes that if he does that, he will find his niche of readers.

There is a saying in my native language, "what comes from the heart touches the heart" and I think it is very appropriate for Kagami and OnS.

The author writes from the heart and his writings touch some hearts, as he touched mine, or yours.

This is nice and motivating enough for me so I can just enjoy this series that I love and ignore any unpleasant opinions of some strangers online.

At the end of the day, fandom does not define a series. As I said before, the canon material does not change. It is always there for those who want to read it, reread it, analyze it.

Thank you for answering me. It really means a lot. And yes, I can say "I love" Ferid, even if he is fictional. I love the humanity of the character and the way I can feel him "alive" in his universe. The way I can even discover myself, understanding him, and growing as a person, developing my soul and mind. This is what I do with Ferid, with this series, and I consider that the author has achieved his purpose as a writer with me!

In the end, you are right. It is ironic and sad how many in the fandom see Ferid just like most in his universe, but maybe that is the charm of this deep character.

Do not forget, he is named " unparalleled ".

Everyone in OnS does anything for the ones they love. But Ferid wants to change the very putrid origin of the world, the laws of the universe that created people out of hatred, just to have harmony, a real meaning, authentic love.

This universe has been corrupted since its creation, humanity is cursed and trapped as in Hell, and Ferid wants to solve this vicious circle, to break it.

I think this shows the nobility of this character, that he really is "one of a kind". And even though I wish he had someone to truly love him, I understand and appreciate the author's intent. The hidden nobility in Ferid's tragedy is something truly beautiful to me.

I would go into more detail about how Ferid would love his woman, how he would make love to her. But I feel like my essay is getting too long.

Please write me any questions you have. Just like that, just like now. I will gladly answer.

I think we can have some fascinating discussions!

Thank you so much for this heartfelt message!

Have a nice day to you and whoever finds this post!

#ferid bathory #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #sote #ferid bathory x reader #ferid bathory imagines #ferid bathory analysis

[yuujispinkhair]

haiii winter!! how are u today?? I wanted to ask u something!! what is something you adore reading in fics and whats a fanfic pet peeve?(something that gives u the ick) LMAO I just thought this would be a cute ask! hope uve had a lovely day!!

Heyyy Gabs 💗💗 I'm pretty good! I hope you are too 💗 Oooh, I will read pretty much anything 😂 But I have some little things I don't like for certain characters or ship dynamics. For example, I don't read fics where Yuuji gets portrayed as a bully or a mean guy because, personally, it hurts my heart to imagine that. I also don't read fics where the character cheats on the reader because it is too painful for me. And for the ship Megumi x Yuuji, I prefer fics where Megumi is the top and Yuuji the bottom... so Fushiita instead of Itafushi ;) I will only read Itafushi if the story is by a writer I already know and love.

But those are just a personal preference. I think everyone can write and read what they like. I can't remember if anything ever gave me an ick or caused a strong negative reaction. I don't really think so.

What I really adore are fluffy fics, and I am a sucker for pining and seemingly unrequited love that turns into love. Also, I love love love modern!Sukuna AUs, especially when he is portrayed with a soft side. That is my big weakness 😭💗

But also all kinds of stories where a "monster" gets treated with love and tenderness. I adore College AUs because they let me dream about a life I could have if I was a bit more independent and braver. I love Soulmate fics because the thought of being connected to someone by a red string of fate is comforting to me. I love the thought of not having to make any decisions or knowing that you cannot make any wrong decisions because fate will still lead you into the arms of your soulmate. I love the thought that there is someone just for you 💗

I just really adore stories that make me cry because I get so emotional. I love characters with tragic backstories who closed themselves off but now learn how to love. I love stories about people who think they are unlovable but then find someone who loves them. I love stories about characters who always wear a mask to hide their true feelings but then meet someone who sees through that mask or who they allow to see the person beneath the mask 😭💗

AAAHH I could go on forever 😂😂 I am just so happy that there are so many wonderful fanfics and everyone can find something they love!!

[angelofthepage]

Love Requires Sacrifice

"Love requires sacrifice" is one of those Sammy Lawrence lines that hits really hard. This man has given up everything to devote his existence to the ink demon, praying he will be freed from his miserable body. But there is something about this line that is hitting me particularly hard tonight as an enjoyer of autistic Sammy interpretations (and as an autistic myself).

What if "love requires sacrifice" wasn't just about the ink demon? What if it was about Sammy? What if he thought it was a sacrifice for people to love him?

Think about it. He's so irritated when he thinks people aren't doing a good job in his department, has little patience and doesn't want anyone wasting his time. He's something of a perfectionist. He finds so many noises distracting, perhaps even overstimulating. He's annoyed by Joey's constant changing of plans and lack of communication. And who do we know of that seems to like him in canon? Susie seems to have a bit of a crush on him until she thinks he's lied to her, and Jack is his partner in crime for music, but outside of that, does he have friends? Do people communicate with him as more than a co-worker? Does he have anyone notice when he's gone? Do people simply deal with him because they have to? Or is he just another obstacle to get passed? How does all of this affect him, does he want friends? Does he feel loved enough? Or is loving him too difficult for people because of his multitude of peculiarities? Is it a sacrifice to dedicate time to trying to understand him?

That breaks my heart a little bit, because it hits kind of close to home. I've felt very unlovable and difficult for years, no matter how accommodating I try to be, no matter how much I try and change to make myself more palatable. Sometimes I feel like people are simply tolerating me and waiting for me to leave rather than genuinely wanting me around. But ironically, it's through Bendy that I've slowly learned this isn't the case. I don't think I'd ever heard someone tell me that they enjoy my company until I came into this fandom and had people talking to me. And it's not just because of the things I give like it was in other spaces. I'm valued for being me, even the messy parts. I have good ideas and cool skills, I'm fun to talk to, I tell good jokes and listen and engage, And even though I get overstimulated or have a tough time sometimes, even though I get incredibly frustrated behind closed doors, more people get it and are willing to work through it with me. They don't treat it like it's a sacrifice to love me.

In some ways, it's made me realize that I changed so much of myself to try to be someone likable, that I lost myself in the process, I became flavorless. I'm still trying to put my pieces back together, and it's something I feel like Sammy had happen too, losing himself to serve someone else. And I wish I could tell him that he is lovable, and it's not a sacrifice to love him. Are there things he could work on? Yes, it pays to be nicer to people, he could stand to be a better person. But there are many things to love about him just the way he is, and someone out there will appreciate them.

Sometimes a fictional character has something to teach you. I think, for me, autistic Sammys have been a source of comfort, knowing that someone like me can still be lovable. Like he's an asshole, he's not someone I would want to know in real life because he's a jerk to people. But gosh does he make me want to be kinder to myself.

#sammy lawrence #sammy lawrence headcanons #autistic sammy lawrence #love requires sacrifice

[chaosmindthoughts]

Mother, I needed you to see me

I wish things were different. I'm afraid of growing up and realizing that not resolving our issues was a mistake. I'm scared that one day it will be too late, and I'll regret not making you happy, not fighting harder for you, giving up too soon. To think I should have put up with my anger and bitterness for longer, that I should have hidden my sensitive side and acted tougher. Thus, neglecting the part of me that always wanted someone to listen and understand, instead of just being ignored, put down, and dimmed as disrespectful. Mother, I love you, yet I can't voice it. I struggle to believe it myself. Could I really state that I don't love you while feeling all this angst? What if I were to give up my grudges, just as you gave up your life to be there for your children, unlike my father, would it open my eyes? Would I accept that I in fact do? Mother, are you upset that I blame you for the pain I'm in? I never had stability, but I've grown stronger over time. Mother, am I to blame for the abundance of pain and numerous wounds I'm left with, after all your sacrifices? Someone who is hurting can't help others until they've healed themselves first. Is this why I feel so broken inside? Like you might every day? Mother, I miss you, but I can't pretend. I can't forgive someone who never apologized, who blamed, hurt, and cursed me. I needed more than your presence. Mother, I want to make you proud, but I also want to be happy. Mother, you're knocking at the door, but I'm barricaded inside, feeling trapped in my own pain. I've chosen this isolation, even though it may not solve anything, it feels safer for now. Mom, I wish we could start over, but I can't find it in me to forgive. I long to, but I simply can't. Mother, I'm sorry. Your intentions were good, but you hurt me badly. Please don't go. I'm scared I won't ever be able to open up to you. I wish I could put everything aside for the sake of making you happy, even if you feel unloved. It's hard for me to show love with all this mess inside. I'm sorry I couldn't be the daughter you deserved. I'm shattered, and I wish I could love you openly, but I can't right now. I'm truly sorry. Even if you've never felt the need to say it to me.

Source: @chaosmindthoughts

#letters to my mother #mother issues #mom #thoughts #writing #venting #quotes #poetry #love #light academia #dark acamedia #fragments #prose #literature #messy #rough #vent poetry #tumblr writing community #tumblr writing society #tumblr writers #quote #letters #confessions #tumblr community #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #tumblr stuff #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #original poem

[lesbolordo]

Leander P. X Sebastian S. | Hogwart's Legacy.

Fourth Part.

"That night."

"After a fight, Leander waits for Sebastian as usual. More fighting ensues."

Tags : Angst, no sex (😔), fighting, Leander being an ass, Sebastian isn't the asshole for once, Ominis gossip queen mention.

Sebastian was absent from their usual meeting in the classroom they used for their nighttime activities. Leander had waited for ten whole minutes now, sitting on a chair and staring at whatever. Usually, he was the one late, Sebastian always was early, an habit he had that the red head had picked up on.

But today, Leander was there first. In fact, he might as well be there first for the rest of the night, and alone. He knew perfectly fine why Sebastian was absent. His pride told him that it wasn't really his fault, but his insecurities told him that yes, it was.

He had been the one who had implied that Sebastian was kind of undatable and that no one would ever be jealous of or about him. Yeah. That kind of was an asshole move, Leander was embarrassed at how negatively he had reacted to Sebastian's teasing.

He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time, pondering what to do or say now. Wait some more in case Sebastian was just late ? Go back to his dorm ? Then what ? Do they never fuck again ? Leander does not want that. He needs his fuck sessions with Sebastian.

He felt exhaustion and frustration bubbling under his skin more as the thought of needing Sebastian crossed his mind. He didn't need him. He just... liked to have him. Leander didn't belong to anyone, and he was fairly sure that the Slytherin would never allow himself to belong to anyone fully.

Having had enough, Leander finally stood up and walked toward the exit, determined to go back to his dorms and finally get his oh-so deserved beauty rest.

Before he could even put his hand on the door handle, the large door swung open and made him move out of the way in a surprised motion. Violent, brutal moves... could only be Sebastian. It was.

"-You're late. The Gryffindor said, frowning upon seeing his rival there.

-Ominis was suspicious.

-You didn't tell him, did you ?

-... The lack of response was everything Leander needed.

-Seriously ??

-Don't worry, he may be the Gossip Queen but he won't tell anyone ! Beside... I think we're busted anyway."

For what he was saying, Sebastian looked awfully calm. Leander was positively freaking out. Busted ? How ? Why ? Who ? About what ? The smaller boy frowned.

"-Sweet Merlin Prewett, breath. You look as livid as Reyes when she learned that Quidditch was canceled two years ago. Oddly specific.

-What do you mean we're busted ??? How ??

-Well, you heard it yourself. People know that I go out at night to find a certain... someone. This sounded accusatory. Leander ignored it.

-So what, how could they know it's me ?

-They saw you coming out of the same cubicle as me, moron. I told you to wait, dumbfuck ! For once, the insults didn't turn on Leander.

-You think I didn't ?? You think I want people to know that we fuck every nights ?? That it's YOU of all people I wake up for at night ??

-What are you implying here Prewett ?! I have a feeling that you're criticizing me !! First this morning, now now ?? If ya got something to say, bring it on ! Anger was beginning to rise on both side.

-Yes I am criticizing you, you're the biggest arsehole I've ever seen, and I'm not saying that because I'm ALWAYS in your arse !!

-So what that makes me unlovable ?? Because that's what you seemed to be implying earlier !! So tell me, am I so unlovable to you Prewett ?! A rather big shortcut. Leander was so angry that he didn't realize how irrational this all was.

-Yes, yes you are Sallow !! He regretted the words the instant they came out of his mouth."

He watched in horror as Sebastian's brown eyes widened, and his whole body tensed before oddly relaxing, as if he had gotten a confirmation to what he had been digging for the past few hours.

"-Wait, I didn't-

-I suppose that this is how it ends. Can't have people find out you're fucking the unlovable Slytherin arsehole now, can we ? The glare he shot Leander was almost painful."

The Gryffindor was speechless. Not only had his insecurities gotten the best of him, but now his pride was also making him unable to stop the other boy as he walked away. Why would Leander even try to stop him ? What would he even stop him for ?

They had nothing to begin with, what could he try to save and keep ?

Sebastian disappeared at a corner of the corridor, and Leander realized that he had messed up even more than this morning. Badly.

___

I am entering my angst era. I am EMO now.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #leander prewett #hogwarts legacy drabbles #prewlow #sebastian sallow x leander prewett #sebastian x leander #hogwarts legacy angst #gay people messing up