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kyaa-q · 6 months

Text

A Train Wreck (part 1)

Lee Know x fem!reader warnings: fluff but heavy angst and themes of abusive relationships wc: 8k>. AO3 link :) synopsis: Your life has changed a lot throughout the past 6 months, since you started dating Jun. Events lead you to slowly distance yourself from some of the people you loved the most - Stray kids. Even your friendship with Bang Chan, your closest friend, was damaged after that day. Now, you find your life to be like an unstoppable train wreck hurtling toward disaster. You're gradually losing the bonds that had always kept you sane, for a serie of events that turned your world upside down. It feels inevitable: you will crash. Could someone help you avoid the collision? Could someone take the wheel with you, and help you get control over your life again? You don't know anymore. There's only one thing you do know: you are not welcomed and Lee Know, in particular, might hate you. And his opinion about you hurts more than you wanted it to.

Or: Y/N is in an abusive relationship and ends up distancing herself from her friends (Stray Kids). She thinks everybody hates her, especially Lee Know. She doesn't understand the effect he has on her (and vice-versa).

important a/n: This work deals a lot with topics of toxic/abusive relationship. There is no physical violence, but it does show cases of emotional manipulation and the potential impacts it can have over someone. The reader is in a toxic romantic relationship (I'm sorry to all Jun's out there), and the story is basically about how it affect not only the reader herself, but also the people around her who she held dear to her heart. It does contain a lot of self-doubt, anxiety, depressive thoughts and having your world reshaped by someone else, taking down important pillars to someone's life, finally facing what it means to have been deceived and accepting it (eventually). Having said all that, if you think this is a sensitive topic to you, please proceed with caution (if you choose to do so). I suck at tagging, but I hope this note made things a little clearer. In the end, it's supposed to be a way of comforting and healing - which will come, eventually -, especially with the help of someone else. I'm not sure how long this will be, but there's still a long way to go. Also, I use "Lee Know" and "Lee Minho" interchangeably, depends on the feeling. A final note is that this chapter has a lot of flashbacks of the past, so the timelines might be confusing to some, but hopefully it is clear enough and I can convey the message and feeling I aimed for. Lots of love, everybody!

You just finished ordering when your phone rings. Your stomach drops and you catch yourself being scared that it might be your partner, Jun. It hasn’t been an hour since the fight you two had over the phone, and if you were being completely honest, you can’t even recall the exact reason for the argument. What you do recall, though, is the aggressive silence, followed by yelling, aggressive silence again, a very passive-aggressive monologue about how you simply can’t understand. Why are you making things so difficult?, a quiet rage when you tried to speak, finally ending with Jun hanging up on you. In that order, specifically.

You force yourself to analyze the conversation. You remember calmly asking him where he had been the past few days. The overreaction you got threw you off. After days of complete silence from his end, could anyone actually blame you for genuinely being intrigued? Did that mean you were you a control freak? That you did you not trust him? That had never crossed your mind, for God’s sake! You only wanted to know! It was insane what he accused you of, for simply wondering whether he was busy or something similar. Suddenly trying to justify your question as coming from a place of sadness, not control, felt like a weakness. It didn't matter nonetheless, since he had hung up so abruptly. A mix of shame and guilt engulfed you, with a hint of anger that you very consciously denied.

Before you knew it, you were outside walking without direction, just desperate to unwind your mind. You hoped the fresh spring breeze healing powers would be enough. So, you walked and walked and walked, crossing streets and taking turns mindlessly. Or so you thought. You cursed your feet when you, at last, realized where they had dragged you, spotting the JYP-Entertainment building at one corner. A few buildings away, you remind yourself, your favorite coffee shop still stood. You actively deceived yourself, claiming that that is the place your feet had been leading you all along and resuming a much more determined march. It was the craving for coffee that had brought you here, you told yourself, and not the fear of running into any of the boys.

“Ma’am?” The cashier, a boy that probably is still in school, brings you back from your daze. He has a painfully obvious worried look on his face. Do I look on the outside as shitty as I feel in the inside? The phone stops ringing and you blink, hoping your mask is good enough to pull off a relaxed demeanor.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You reach into your bag and aim for your wallet, doing your best to ignore the pity on that young boy’s eyes. Shame swirls inside your chest and you’re scared you might start crying in front of this poor kid.

You hand him the money and allow your eyes to wander around for a moment. The mechanical sounds the cash register makes are relaxing, and you take in the place you so dearly liked. You aren’t alone in the shop — in fact, it is quite busy for a Thursday afternoon. It is better this way, you think. The sensation of merging with the crowd and disappearing is welcoming. The boy hands over your change, and your phone starts ringing again.

The color of your face must have disappeared, by the look of the cashier’s face. “Can I do anything to-“

“Keep the change.” You smile once more, cutting him off. You turn around before he can finish his sentence and head to the farthest table you can spot. On your way, you wonder whether you look as pathetic on the outside as you feel on the inside. Without realizing it, you made a decision. The decision of avoiding Jun as if it could make anything better — as if it could even change anything by any means. You hated yourself for being scared, afraid of something you can’t exactly name. It couldn't be Jun. Why would it be? Apart from the occasional raised voice, he has never done anything to you. It's just a phone call, you tell yourself. If it goes downhill you can simply hang up, just like he did to you before. As simple as that. By the time you reach your seat, you're determined. This is foolish, you swear under your breath. Still, you hesitate to take the ringing phone out of your pocket — but end up doing it anyway.

The word Chris glowing on the screen feels like a cozy blanket being wrapped around your cold body. You must have audibly exhaled, perhaps muttered some thanks — whether to a higher being or to Chan himself, you're not sure — because you notice a few people turning their heads toward you . It’s okay, everybody! Everything is fine now!, you want to say. You clear your throat before answering it.

“Hey there.” Hopefully you don't sound so gloomy. You put in a double effort to sound as cheery as possible. Perhaps, if Chan believes you’re okay, you might as well just be.

“What’s wrong?” Straight to the point, you wince by the dry, clearly worried tone. Tough start.

You know Chan and the way he worries extensively about everything and everyone — not enough about himself, some would argue, but you'd slightly disagree. It’s simply part of his nature, you’ve learned. As much as you admired deeply his instinct to help, you did not want to be the object of such attention at that moment. He is a great friend – fuck, he is the best friend. In normal instances, you wouldn't hesitate before sharing your mind and soul with him. Right now, however, worrying him also meant being faced with too many questions, none of which you wanted to answer — perhaps not even knew the answer to. Not only that, you were also vaguely aware about the upcoming Stray Kids comeback in less than two months. Having witnessed the boys go through times like this firsthand before, the last thing you wanted was to add your name to the list of “Things That Keep Bang Chan Up At Night”. In reality, you knew he couldn't do anything about your situation regardless. Therefore, you conclude, worrying him would simply be counterproductive.

“Ouch. Not even a hello?” You play it off, fidgeting with your bag’s strap. You know you can't fool Chan. You shake your head to ward off the thoughts.

“Hello. What is wrong, Y/N?” He insists and you shift nervously in your chair. Your eyes travel to the cashier, who is talking to the barista, a boy as young as him, keeping them both in your line of sight. “Why didn’t you pick up the first time?” Chan questions.

“Is it that weird for me to not pick up immediately?” You joke quietly. You know Chan is not buying your act. “Actually. I think I should be the one asking you. Why do you sound so urgent? What is going on?” You deflect, but Chan doesn’t take the bait. He takes a deep breath, audibly through the speaker, and you feel bad for making things difficult for him — you really do. But you know it’s the best option. You will sort all the awkwardness in the future, hoping it won't be too late for it to have settled and stained your friendship irreversibly. You want to fill the silence, but your tongue feels heavy in your mouth.

Is it really the best option? What would be worse — telling Chan and burdening him with your own confusing problems, at least having him know what’s wrong, or avoiding talking about it? Certainly, he will sense that something is wrong, but at least he won’t feel bad for not helping if he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on.

But where to start?

Chris exhales audibly once more. “Nothing. I’m sorry.” He wants to insist, you can tell, but you’re thankful he’s holding back. “I just miss you.” He says it so softly the phone barely captures it. It hits you like a truck, and tears are rolling down your cheeks before you acknowledge them. The lump in your throat grows, and you're afraid your voice will betray you if you try to speak. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. When was the last time you came to the company?”

And it has been weeks - months, actually. You’re sure you can hear your own heart shattering like glass inside your chest. You can touch the sharp edges of the cracks and spot bruises that were supposed to have healed long ago but linger still. You miss him too. Not only Chan, but you you’re your routine with him and 3RACHA. You miss Changbin’s loud teasings and Han’s snuggles. You miss spending the hours on end holed up in a practice room with the eight of them, watching as they dance and sing and spin and fight and laugh, as if their own life depended on it. You were just a lucky spectator who has been very much avoiding the fact that you've been neglecting your most precious fortune. When did you become this mess of a person?

You’re bothering them. The male voice resonates in your mind and you close fiercely your eyes. You are not one of them, Y/N. You’re just being a nuisance all the time. Why can't you see it?

You try to stop it, but it's in vain. The memory memory comes back regardless.

“I never said I was one of them. That’s silly.” You replied as you entered the company’s elevator, followed by Jun. With your hands occupied holding plastic bags filled with snacks handpicked for each of the boys, you press the button with your elbow. “I just don’t think they see a problem with me coming over from time to time. It's not like I'm showing up every day." You glimpsed at your watch. You were early and Chris wouldn't be waiting for you. Perfect, you could surprise them. "You know, Channie was the one-“ He scoffed and you felt a puncture of guilt. “Chris.” You corrected yourself, not wanting to get into a fight because of this again. “Chris was the one who texted me asking if I was planning to come or not.” You tried to conceal the pride warming your chest with that statement.

“Maybe it’s because they just want to go home, but they can’t because there’s always the chance of you showing up out of nowhere. Have you ever thought about that?" His tone was harsh and took you by surprise. Actually… No. You have not thought about that, in fact. He inhaled deeply, massaging his temples in a sign of stress. “Of course not."

“I didn’t ask you to come.” You mumbled, fighting against the flush of shame on your cheeks. What if he's right? What if you've been bothering and annoying some of the most important people in your life this whole time, and they've just been putting up with you? Your heart sank at the thought.

“Babe.” Jun appeared in your line of sight and placed his hands on both your shoulders. "You know I'm only saying this because I love you, right? I just don’t want you to embarrass yourself in front of those people, that’s all." You tried to avoid his gaze, but he gently turned your chin and held it. "Okay?”

His voice was soft, but clear. Too loud for your ears, perhaps. The soft tone did not make it easier to absorb the painful words. It took you a moment to register that the elevator's bell had run the doors had already opened. Your partner stepped back, taking some of the bags from your hands and turning to exit. Had you been paying attention, you would've noticed the cynical smile on his face as he turned toward the figure standing at the entrance. You only registered the other party after Jun's venomous tone. “If you excuse us.”

The shadow, meanwhile, did not excuse him. He didn't move not even an inch to the side, and you caught Jun trying to pass by them smoothly - but failing. The figure didn't show to care when he bumped into him, murmuring curses under his breath that were very much audible. You turned your head and found, as already expected, Lee Know standing there. Nonchalantly, hands in the pockets of his jeans, you met his piercing dark gaze, already fixed on you - and you only. He paid as much attention to Jun as he'd do to a fleck of dust.

Although it had been about two months since you started dating Jun, all the boys had already met him. You held a habit of visiting them regularly at the company after being close to Chan for so long. Dating Jun hadn't stopped you from doing that, in fact, for some reason, he'd insist to come along. You tried questioning him if that came from a place of jealousy, but gave up after a few attempts. Mentioning Stray Kids was usually the motive for big arguments, which never led anywhere. Coming to the company to hang out obviously gave Jun as much amusement as he’d get from attending a seminar on top 10 best lore of teenager’s movies, and it was up to him how he spent his time. You actively did your best to dismiss his mean comments about the most insane things, be it the lightening of the place or the paint color they chose to paint this one specific wall or the supposed secretary’s rudeness. Every aspect of the building had something wrong with it that deserved a specific remark about it. Jun had learned not to make any unpleasant comments about - or even to - the boys. That was the only instance you would not let slide. In return, you learned to let him rant about how god damn cold or hot or crowded or empty the building was.

You never told Chan - or anyone, for that matter - about it. Practically any of the members, even Chris himself, had ever explicitly stated whether they liked or disliked Jun, and you never asked them directly. They maintained an awkwardly polite demeanor in Jun’s presence. At least they tried to keep it civilized, even when Jun was being difficult. Well, practically because there was one exception.

Lee Minho clearly disliked your boyfriend, and the feeling was mutual from day one. The first day Jun came along and you introduced him to your friends, they were all respectful and dealt fairly well with Jun’s special ironic remarks. Minho, on the other hand, had withdrawn into a state of heavy silence and deadly stares that alternated between you and Jun. You tried to ignore it, initially, not giving it too much thought. That was until Minho questioned, in a very audible and shameless, almost whiny voice, 'Ah, Hyung! When is this thing leaving? It’s so annoying.'

Before you could decide whether you’d argue with Minho or Jun, your short-tempered partner was already looking, outraged, for the source of the voice. You grabbed his arms and tried to drag him toward the door, saying goodbye to the boys with a hasty 'Yes, I’ll see you soon! Take care!' And, 'Let’s go, Jun, we have to—'

But as you left the room, both you and Jun saw that Minho had stood up and was leaning proudly against the wall. His deadly stare had followed you to the exit and you caught when the shadows on his face gave place to a malicious smile forming on his lips. He was looking at Jun, as he gave a tiny wave, somehow a sign of imminent violence. Just before you closed the door, you couldn't stop the shiver running down your spine when you noticed he was staring at you. You couldn't read what they said, but your stomach churned nonetheless.

Minho was the primary target of your boyfriend’s distaste ever since, and a common fight motive. Jun had always been the type to overthink, but it was ridiculously worse when it came to Lee Know - which was tragically hilarious. From all the eight, he had chosen Lee Minho to pick on? You'd try to argue, but his reply would always come to You can’t be this blind. It was maddening, always as if you were both arguing about two completely different things.

Thus, you weren't surprised to find Lee Know in front of you - that particular mocking tone coming from Jun in If you excuse us, would only be used with Minho. What did surprise you, however, was Minho himself. Standing as still as a statue in front of you, the man emanated annoyance and deep displeasure. His dark eyes exuded an anger you were certain you could touch. It made the air surrounding you heavier and colder. The chill reflected in your stomach as your face grew hotter. You couldn't look away, as if you were under a spell - and perhaps you were. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream, to run, or to hide. Maybe all three options. The knowledge you were the reason behind this anger was as clear as running fresh water, and it gave you goosebumps. Somehow, it wasn’t a question. You didn’t know what you could’ve done to trigger such fierce feelings from Lee Know. Although his feelings were as transparent as clean glass, you were unable to read his thoughts. Honestly, you weren’t sure you even wanted to.

How long it passed, you couldn’t tell. How long you stood there, pitiful and unable to move or look away, a mess of flushed face and glassy eyes, remains unclear to you to this day. What was very clear even at that time, however, was the shadow of disappointment you spot on the vastness of his deep dark eyes the moment before he turned around. He walked to the opposite direction of the hallway without saying a word. The abrupt withdraw left bad taste in your mouth. The spell was broken and you could breathe again, but the air was too icy in your lungs, making you wonder whether it'd be better to go back underwater - to be back under his gaze. That shadow of disappointment in his eyes persisted like an annoying fly you couldn’t shoo away, accompanied by a heavy weight in your chest.

“What the fuck was that?” The angry whisper suddenly reminded you that you weren’t alone. You might as well have been, though. The world could have ended and the universe collapsed at that very moment, and yet, staring into Lee Know’s eyes, you knew it wouldn’t make any difference. Under his gaze, you wouldn’t have noticed anyone but you and him. Your eyes followed the dark spot going down the corridor, until the moment he finally took a turn and disappeared completely. You collapsed against the elevator’s wall, finally breathing in as deep as you could until your lungs ache. Hold for one. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.

“Hello? What the fuck Y/N?” For a moment you considered yelling at Jun. You felt your nerves on the surface of your skin, and your heartbeat was distractingly loud in your head.

“I don’t know.” You breathed out, realizing that, in fact, you didn't have energy to fight. Your legs were unsteady and you realized your hands were shaking. The fog in your mind dissipated a little, and the pleas in your mind for Minho to come back died out. You tighten the grip on the left bags on your hands and push yourself forward. In automatic mode, you got out the elevator and headed to the first and closest safe place your mind could think of: 3RACHA’s Studio.

Perhaps you should have realized that you were heading in the same direction you had just seen him go, only a few minutes before. That you would, unavoidably, end up facing Lee Know again - although 3RACHA’s Studio wasn’t the only active room on that floor, that was the most obvious conclusion to arrive at. Maybe you knew it, unconsciously. Today, you wonder if you didn’t turn back that day simply because following Minho was like an instinct. You were confused, sad and scared, but still, going to Minho felt as natural as searching for a shelter during a storm. In this case, Minho was both the storm and the shelter. You should’ve turned your back and gone home, but you didn’t. Your mind was a hurricane of confusing feelings and images that, in the end, returned to the same name being chanted again and again. Lee Know Lee Know Lee Know.

Jun kept saying things you didn’t register. His voice was just a bit more than an agitated whisper, and you wished he would just shut up. Or even better, stayed at home. The doubts and fears resurfaced and you couldn’t shake them away. What if he was right? What if what had just happened was a statement of how much you annoyed and bothered this people?

Did they hate you that much?

As this last thought crossed your mind, a loud thud echoed, followed by a harsh voice. You froze, realizing it was emanating from 3RACHA’s Studio, and the door was half-open.

“Why is it still going on? It’s ridiculous!” It was… Minho? Could it be? You had never seen him raise his voice in anger - at least not seriously. It was unmistakably Minho, but the so intense anger was foreign to you. You couldn’t place it to the so coldhearted and detached person that Minho had always shown.

“YA! Don’t go around slamming things!” Changbin’s scolding came even louder, followed by mumbles you thought was Han's, but they were too muffled by the distance and walls to be sure.

They were fighting. They were very seriously fighting, and the realization sank in.

You should run. Run run run. Something was so clearly and deeply wrong. You should not be here. Now. Run.

Your members didn't follow your mind’s orders, and you caught yourself frozen in place.

You couldn’t move.

Your eyes snapped to your left, where Jun started moving. The sparkle of hope was extinguished when you realized he was moving forward, and not back to the elevator. He took one step closer to the door, and then another. Slowly, but surely trying to get a better listen. This isn't right.

“What do you want us to do, Minho?” Chan’s voice was also alien. The hasty, firm and contained anger just didn’t fit his patient personality. “Should we yell at her? That’s your solution?”

Her. Obviously this was about you. The word solution haunts you to this day, but even back then, the harm was starting to settle in. The need of a solution arises from the existence of a problem. You. In the end, you were the problem they were looking for a solution for.

“I can’t do this.” It was Lee Know again. Although his voice was much lower, it was as clear as it would’ve been if you were in that room with them. Pain and exhaustion overflowed from his words, and you felt their weight on your own face, in the form of tears that welled up and streamed down nonstop. His agony was overwhelming, and you felt as if your own heart was a broken dam. “I can’t, Hyung.” It was getting harder to understand his words - not only for the walls muffling them, but also for your own heartbeat was deafening. For a moment, you considered whether they could hear it too.

You sized your options. First, you could casually knock on the door and hand them the bags – somehow still in your hands –, then find an excuse to leave right after. Oh, sorry! I’m super busy, just wanted to give you guys these. No, it’s fine! Enjoy! It could work. Except the atmosphere inside was beyond intimidating. You would never be able to put on such an act that convinced them you weren't listening. The second option was simply leaving the bags in front of the door and leaving instantly. You shook your head, discarding the idea as soon as it happened. Leaving without saying a word would be a clear statement that you heard them, then felt bad and left. While it was precisely what had happened, you did not want them to know that. No, you couldn’t bear having Chan forcibly explaining to you in which ways you were a problem to the boys. The fact that he felt this way - or at least knew the others did - and had not talked to you prior stung at the back of your brain. Lastly, you could just leave. Dragging Jun and all the bags, you would leave no traces behind and, hopefully, Minho would think you didn’t even leave the elevator. Maybe he would think you had seen him and finally realized you were not welcome, then you had made the smartest choice – the one you should definitely have taken – and had gone straight home. He would ignore it and not mention it and-

Shouts suddenly pulled out from of your daze.

“GONE! OUT OF HERE! OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT!” Someone vociferated, followed by the sounds of a chair being dragged and steps. You grabbed Jun's hand and started pulling him after you before you even register doing the action. Desperately going back to the direction you both came from, you prayed to find an unlocked door before anyone heard your footsteps and plastic sounds. Not sure how, your pleas were quickly answered. In a moment of despair, trying to open an unknown door, you pushed both you and Jun inside the empty dark room. Shortly afyer you shut the door and locked it, hoping the thud noise went unnoticed.

“Are you crazy?” As soon as he started, you dropped all the plastic bags and covered his mouth with both hands. You closed your eyes – to avoid the tears that threatened to spill or to hear if anyone had left the studio and came after you, you didn’t know. Regardless, you couldn’t hear anything over your heartbeat and a high buzz in your ears.

“Y/N?” You blink, coming back to the present. You open your eyes, and the barista is in front of your table holding your coffee. You notice his uncomfortable gaze and blush in embarrassment, murmuring thanks and apologies as he hands you the cup and leaves. He must’ve called you and you didn’t hear, giving him extra trouble to leave his spot and hand it to you personally.

It can also be due the tears flowing uninterruptedly on your face. Who knows.

You look at the black screen on your hand, laying on your lap now. You unlock your phone and blink to try to clean your vision from the tears, regardless, there is no new notifications. You can't recall the conversation with Chan exactly - if it could even be called a conversation. You don't know whether it was you or Chan who hung up, or even if you got to say goodbye. Had he noticed you crying?

You stare at the ceiling, doing your best to stop the tears. That was the last time you went to the company, and that was months ago. You miss Chan. You miss Changbin and Han. You miss spending the afternoon simply watching them working on music. You miss how they were loud and lively and intense. You miss how you felt when you were with them, and knowing that the feeling was only one sided broke your heart in ways you have no idea how to heal. You can’t shake the feeling of losing them - it seemed inevitable, and you wanted to scream.

You don't know why you act the way you do - running away since then. Evidently, it wouldn't magically make things right again. It wouldn't wipe out your memories of that day, or care less, for that matter. Some of the dearest people in your life thought of you as a problem to be solved, and it simply hurt. Minho’s anger and disdain were far too ingrained in your brain. You’ve been ignoring the acute pain that always followed remembering his exasperation and fury. Gone, he had shouted at the top of his lungs. He wanted you gone and couldn’t fathom why no one had talked to you yet. Honestly, it's hard for you to not question the same.

Something very solid and real had broken inside you that day. Your attempt to pretend nothing happened was reinforced by the fact that, that day, Minho had, indeed, did what you hoped he would do. You texted Chan a little after, apologizing for not showing up, and he didn't say anything about you being there. Minho hadn’t told them about meeting you, and you felt relieved – maybe you could work things out by yourself, without having to make things even harder for them. You still didn't know how - but you planned on finding out.

The weeks that followed that incident were a messy blur. Thankfully, Jun didn’t mind your absentmindedness. It didn't bother him – interacting was an action that had to come from your end, and, since your mind was preoccupied with something else, he wouldn’t even try pulling you out from your thoughts. You couldn’t focus on anything else for too long, your thoughts would always, somehow, end on Minho’s resentment. On Minho's angry pleas to the winds for you to go away. On Minho's eyes. On Minho. Minho. It drove you mad. You felt bad and didn't want to admit you resented Chan a little. As you learned, asking Jun for advice proved to be completely unhelpful – in fact, it made things worse most of times. The situation was as clear as crystal to him: the boys were busy people, while you were someone desperately clinging to their attention, and, in the end, it saturated them. They were also not assholes - except that guy, he'd add - and that’s why they had been trying to give you hints. Then, you could arrive at the conclusion yourself, and there wouldn't be a need to go through the confrontational phase. Unfortunately, you hadn’t done your part and didn’t read between the lines, that's why you stood where you did. Why are you so upset about it? Fuck them! I never liked those guys anyway, and variations would usually put an end to the "conversation".

At work, however, you didn’t have the comfort of having your absentmindedness be dismissed. That was quickly noticeable not only by your clients and colleagues, but also by your manager. He was a patient man, but seemed to be in a permanent state of exhaustion and you guessed that's what capitalism did to a person. He never raised his voice and treated employees as human beings – an unprecedented event according to your own experience -, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have the company as top priority. He tried to listen and help, but wouldn’t hesitate to fire someone if they messed up. The first time you were called to his office, he questioned, impassive, about the embarrassing decline in your productivity. He didn’t seem exactly worried - employees had ups and downs all the time. You tended to overwork yourself, and, although you weren't the employee of the month, you knew you did a good job overall - so did your superior. “It’s just proceeding, you know?”

The downs persisted, unfortunately, and two weeks later you were called again. This time, his approach was more assertive and concerned.

“You can’t stay like this, Y/N.” He turned the monitor on his desk to face you, showing the numbers you had missed the last 15 days. “What is going on?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You bowed deeply one more time, having no explanations or justifications for your bad performance. You couldn’t tell your manager you had your confidence undermined, that you were questioning every single act and interaction you had. You couldn’t tell your superior how deeply you missed your friends, missed love and hugs and affection and care. You missed yourself. You couldn’t tell him about the constant presence in your head that kept saying you were doing everything wrong. Everything. All your achievements, be they your job or your relationships - all of them were product of luck and you clearly weren’t good enough to keep them. Chan instantly came to mind. Even though he was texting you regularly, you couldn't get rid of the overwhelming sadness gripping your neck and kept your replies short. Obviously he had noticed, but respected your space - he stopped asking what was wrong after the first week. Knowing him, it was good that he didn’t know where you live, and that his own job kept him busy through day and night, or else you were certain he would’ve shown up at your door already. “It’s all my fault and I am deeply sorry I am bringing losses to the company and-"

“Y/N.” Your manager cut you, “When was the last time you slept?”

Confused, you blinked. “Excuse me?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That answers it. You need to see a doctor.”

“I’m fine.” You raised your hands in surrender. “I promise, I don’t need to-“

“You can be a lot of things, Y/N. Sleep-deprived. Careless. Stressful. Anything but fine.” You flinched on the bluntness.

“Don’t you mean stressed?” You mumbled, embarrassed, trying to play off a joke.

“No, I said what I meant. Stressful. I cannot go on even for one more day if I look at my window one more time and see you staring blankly at your hands for God knows how long.” Before you could protest, he stopped you again. “I’m serious. I can’t afford the trouble of having an employee passing out because of lack of sleep. Take the rest of the day off and go to the hospital to get checked up. Come back tomorrow with the results in hand stating you are not dying or turning into a damn zombie.”

Left with no choice, you headed to the hospital. The feeling of guilt lingered in your chest a little, wondering if the insomniac nights were obvious in the dark bags under your eyes, if your anxiety was that evident in your eyes, words and walking.

You expected your health to be in check. You were certain modern medicine wasn’t capable of curing broken hearts yet – unfortunately. In worst case scenario, you’d probably walk out with a prescription to help you sleep and that’d be all. You took a deep breath before going in.

“Y/N?!”

Your body reacted before your mind and your eyes snapped in the direction of the source – Chris. He was already walking toward you, emerging from inside the huge building you had been staring at. You wondered if you were finally at the stage of hallucinations, and perhaps it was good it was happening next to a hospital - but this thought soon evaporated. Before you registered your own actions, you were also walking toward him, falling into the so missed and familiar hug your heart ached for.

It was the first time meeting Chan in almost a month. Usually, it wouldn’t have been a big thing, but it was for you. Your heart had been bleeding out for the past four weeks, and you hadn’t found a way to stop the pain. Chris was instant medicine, one that you had been actively depriving yourself of. You allowed yourself to be selfish for a moment. It was okay if you disturbed them and if you were an overall headache to them. In that moment, though, it was just you and Chris. You let yourself to believe that the love and appreciation you received from him were as real as they felt.

“Hi.” You murmured against his chest, inhaling his familiar perfume. His body vibrated with a chuckle, backing off just enough to look you in the eyes.

It was short, but you saw when the fun and joyful semblance turned into a concerned expression. You thought you sensed Chan becoming rigid, stiffening the hold on your shoulders just a little, as if you could run away if he let you. You remembered how you awfully sick and tired you might look. “How are yo-“

“I’m fine.” You cut off him, not being able to hold back a smile. “Do I look that terrible?”

He shifted, trying to cover up for his shameless stare. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Your smile widened; it was so easy to mess with him. “I’m just joking. I’m really fine, though.”

He glanced at you suspiciously. You could’ve well said you won the Olympics, and a quick look at you was enough to say that both of those things – being fine and winning the Olympics – were equally unlikely. And you didn’t account for the fact he had caught you standing in front of a hospital, just about to go in. Then it clicked, a hospital he just walked out of.

“Wait, what were you doing there? Are you okay?” It was your time to shamelessly look for wounds and signs that could hint if there was anything wrong with Chris. You noticed his clothes – shorts and a black long-sleeve shirt, it’s not something he’d normally wear outside, and rather stay inside working or even practicing.

He laughed shortly. “I am fine. Jeongin had an accident during practice and-“

“Jeongin had an accident?” Your voice was high pitched. Your eyes shifted to the entrance, past Chan, and you tensed, afraid you could see a badly hurt I.N.

“He is fine, Y/N.” He put his hand on the top of your head and turned it back to him. Looking into his eyes, you searched but found no traces of lying. Indeed, Chan looked quite chill, given the circumstances. “We feared he had a strained ligament or something, but he’s fine. I'll still hurt for the next few days, for sure. But he'll survive."

You breathed out in relief. “That’s great.” The story also explained his clothes.

Chan smiled at your concern. “Actually, they should be here at any minute now.” He glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“They?” You looked at him puzzled, but as if waiting for its cue, a loud calling Hyung! drew his attention.

When he turned around, keeping one hand gently on your elbow, he stepped aside and gave you a clear vision of the hospital's entrance.

Your heart caught in your throat. It wasn’t the imagery of an injured Jeongin, who limped just a little toward you and Chan, using a crutch to support his body. Oblivious, you didn’t even notice the way he was happily surprised to see you after so long, his dimples showing even after he had just left the hospital.

No. In all honesty, you had barely registered Jeongin’s presence at all at first. Instead, your eyes met with the figure following him, just slightly behind. The simplicity of the large white shirt and gray sweatpants would have made anyone else look comfortable, casual at most – but Lee Know wasn’t just anyone else. He wasn’t just comfortable or casual. He was so goddamn attractive - he was hot, you dared. His dark hair was even longer than it was the month prior, falling a little on his eyes depending on the movement of his face, and you had the urge to place a lock behind his ear.

He stopped walking suddenly, his gaze locking with yours. In that moment you knew the word that best described Minho: breathtaking – quite literally.

It lasted for a moment. Chan called for I.N and Minho started walking in your direction. Your eyes instantly deviated from his, and you forced yourself to focus on the maknae, rather than the burning stare coming from Minho or the blood flow running in your ears.

“Y/N!” Jeongin smile was contagious.

“Hey there, baby bread! How are you feeling?” You wanted to hug him, but you were unsure about his injuries, so you chose to stick with the smiling. Lee Know caught up to you all and placed himself by Jeongin's side.

“Oh, it’s nothing serious.” You saw him blushing. “This thing helps," he jiggled the crutch, "but it makes it seem way worse than it actually is. Ice will do just fine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Innie”. You smiled at him, and he smiled back. Keeping your hands in front of your body, highly conscious - conscious of your posture, choice of clothes, and greasy hair. You felt like a prey being watched by a predator – but choosing to avoid the predator’s eyes instead.

“What’s wrong with you?” Although Minho’s voice didn’t carry any resentment or accusation, you still winced. The sensation was like having a burnt hand and then someone grabbing it and placing it under a stream of cold water for relief. Yes, the relief would come right after, but first came the moment of shock and instinct to move away, before realizing how much you needed the cold water (his voice?) to relieve the pain of your burnt hand (your heart?).

“Come on, Lino. That’s not how you greet people.” Chan began, glancing at you apologetically. Unable to ignore him any longer, you let your eyes shift towards him.

His expression was a mystery, as hard as if it were sculpted in marble. Minho's face revealed no emotions, nor did his words. The bluntness could be mistaken by indifference, still his gaze was intense, making it hard to breathe and sending chills down your spine.

“Why would anything be wrong?” You questioned. Your voice somehow didn’t shake, and you hope you didn’t look as affected as you felt.

“Because I have eyes.” You felt your face growing hotter. “And because you are in front of a hospital. What is wrong?” A sparkle of defiance lit in your chest – you owed him nothing. In fact, last time you checked, Lee Minho had made it very clear he did not want to see you.

“That’s not nice, Minho.” Chan scolded him, more fiercely this time.

“No, Chan.” You began, smiling warmly at Chris. He had so much on his shoulders already, you wouldn’t let Minho become another topic of trouble for him. “I’m fine, Minho. I’m here only to get checked up. Routine, that’s all.” You sustained his gaze with one of your own, hands held in fist so tight you’d later find red marks on your palms.

Minho raised a brow, almost mocking your poor explanation. The maknae spoke before him, “Are you sure you are well, Y/N?” The gentleness appeased your heart.

“You have to be joking.” Lee Know scoffed, apparently to himself but audibly to all of you. He was infuriating, daring to demand answers he had absolutely no right over! Why was he pressing on this? Why did it matter, anyway? Before you launched on him, Chan spoke.

“Okay! We’re done here.” He felt the weird energy between you two and wanted to prevent a war. “The driver is waiting for us, we need to go back. I.N, can you walk by yourself?”

“Yes, Hyung.” The maknae responded, particularly confused for the sudden shift but not daring to ask any questions.

Chan clapped “Okay, great. Minho, let’s-“

“I’m staying.” Minho said simply, placing himself by your side. Both you and Chan turned your heads to him abruptly.

“You are what?” You stepped away from him in disbelief. Your voice was a little higher than you wished. His face remained impassive, but there was something in his eyes that you quite put your finger on. “No, you are not.”

“Oh, come on. I’m not gonna do anything to you.” He exasperated.

You tried to sense his motives, but it made so little sense that it was hard to put some logic into it. Did he get some twisted pleasure from upsetting you? It could be. But again, not a month had passed after the incident at the company. Back then, the sight of you had triggered as far as rage in him. But even now, he didn't look exactly the type of person that was getting any satisfaction from being in your presence.

Chan’s tone was serious. “Minho,” His eyes left yours and shifted to the oldest, changing his demeanor in a bit. His posture was rigid, but his gaze carried a determined defiance. “What is going on?”

Minho pointed at you without adverting his eyes from Chan. You gasped angrily, about to protest, but he didn’t give you the space. “She is going on, hyung. Look at her. If not for the obvious signs of being ill, then for the fact she’s missing work to come to the hospital.”

You argued. “I’m missing work because my boss told me to!"

“Which only proves my point.” He continued, letting his hand fall right by his side. “Something is so obviously wrong that it was up to her boss to step in, or else I doubt she’d come by herself.”

Ouch. “Listen." You interrupted. "I don't know what's going on with you, but you’re making it way bigger than it actually is. I am okay and I most definitely do not need your help.” You glanced at Chris, but his attention was still directed to Minho. You could see the gears working in his head, but you decided it was time to leave. “It was great seeing you guys. I mean it. But I really don't have time for this. If you excuse me.” You turned your back and tried to leave, but in vain. Not even two steps later did a hand wrap around one of your wrists. Minho’s hold was gentle, but firm, and you tried to hide de burning in your cheeks. “YA!”

He pulled you closer than you were before, and his voice was deeper when he spoke. “How long has it been since you last saw your boyfriend?” You were dizzy. The sudden shift in subject, accompanied by the warmth Minho's hand transmitted to your wrist and the disdain he had put into the word 'boyfriend,' clouded your thinking.

“Jun?” You blinked, trying to disperse the fog, but the scent of his perfume was inebriating. Minho was too close. “I saw him yesterday.”

“You saw him yesterday?” Minho’s voice had a hint of disbelief, and he searched for lies in your eyes. You saw him becoming tense, and you prepared to feel his grip tightening, but the hold on your wrist remained the same. “Are you sure?”

“What?! Of course I am sure! What kind of question is that?” Angrily, you pulled your wrist away from his grasp. He let you, keeping his stare a little longer. “What is wrong with you?!” You turned your eyes to Chris, begging a way out of this insanity. You caught I.N behind him, almost as uncomfortable with the scene as you were. Chan sustained Minho’s gaze for a moment, and your eyes darted between the two of them. No words were spoken, but obviously they weren't needed. The silent conversation through telepathy or whatever the sorcery clearly didn't include you.

After what seemed like forever, Chan sighed, defeated. “Okay. Y/N," he turned to you. "do you mind if he accompanies you?”

“What?! This is madness! Of course I mind. I’m not a child!” You begged.

“It’s not that, sweetheart.” He got closer and you let him when he pulled you to a hug. “We’re just worried about you. We all know you’re very much capable of taking care of yourself.” He added the last phrase when he felt you were about to protest. “We just want to make sure you are okay and can go home safely afterwards.”

“I can do this by myself.” You mumbled.

“I know, I know. But Lee Know can’t. He won’t be able to rest if he doesn’t make sure you’re safe and sound.” He kissed your forehead. “And my mind will also be at ease if I know you’re with him.”

After a moment, you sighed. “Fine.” You accepted reluctantly, stepping away as Chan positioned himself next to the waiting maknae.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re amazing. Lemme know how things go, yea?” Chan’s warm smile was impossible to be angry about. You nodded with your head and waved a tiny goodbye to I.N and watched them walk away.

Lee Know, didn't move an inch throughout the entire time. When you turned to him, somehow, he seemed relaxed. Even his eyes had changed. Although they still carried a wince of something unknown - similar to concern but deeper in a way -, they were calmer. They were almost… gentle. It could’ve made you mad. He had made a huge thing out of nothing, stressed both you and Chris, and now dared to look at you with tenderness in his eyes. You exhaled, knowing it'd be pointless to yell at him. You were exhausted and had no energy spared to bicker. His motives was still undisclosed, but perhaps they weren’t important right now. You decided that your main task was to get whatever prescription as easily as possible, and then have a doctor to state you were not about to collapse. Then, not only would it solve the matter with your boss, but also it meant you would finally get rid of the man in front of you.

Okay, that sounds like a plan.

“Shall we?” Minho reached out his hand with an overly soft voice. You rolled your eyes.

"Weirdo." You cursed under your breath and avoided his hand, heading, finally, straight to the entrance. You did take note of the small chuckle he let out, and how he smoothly followed you behind.

#lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic

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starseneyes · 2 years

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Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Eps 8 & 9

Hello, Chenford fans! If you love Lucy Chen and Tim Bradford on The Rookie, I owe you a debt of thanks. Throughout the years, I've loved writing Metas for various ships, and several of you told me I HAD to check out this ship.

Y'all. Were. Right! It's been so much fun catching up and then riding with you this season on an amazing adventure. All of y'all who've stuck it out from the beginning are rockstars!

SPOILER ALERT: This is a Meta of Episodes 8 and 9 AKA the 2022 Winter Finale. I will be talking extensively about Chenford and spoiling every bit of it for these two episodes, as well as diving into their past and parallels found there. Do not proceed if you wish to remain unspoiled.

Ready? Let's dive in!

The Collar

"I'm reassigning Aaron for the day. Lucy, that means you're on Gofer Duty."

Lucy and Tim haven't been outright avoiding one another since their near-cheating incident, but they have been avoiding riding together.

Spending all day in a vehicle without an out or an excuse to get away if things get too personal? Yeah, they've been avoiding this.

The way they look at one another, both trying to see if the other is okay with this is so perfectly their MO. They're not going to say what they want until they're certain the other person is on the same page.

Just look at the scene when Tim "asked" Lucy to be his Gofer... they basically went around one another in circles until it came to arms crossed and "Do you want it?" "If you want me to want it", basically.

Tim and Lucy are still tip-toeing here. And Grey can feel the discomfort.

"Is there some reason you two can't ride together?"

Lucy huffs out an exasperated sigh because what can she say!? and looks to Tim, who looks to her. There's no getting out of this without saying something neither of them want to say right now, so they let it go.

But watch them after Grey walks away. Tim can barely look at her.

Because this is not like the times in the past when they've ridden together. They've ridden as TO and Rookie/Boot. They've ridden as Sergeant and Gofer. Yes, technically Lucy is on Gofer Duty, but she's no longer his Gofer. That job's been given to Aaron.

She's riding as Officer Chen, and their dynamic has completely shifted from one that bordered on romantic to two people desperately trying to shove down the feelings that they too-briefly acknowledged months earlier wearing borrowed clothes and courage.

The Shop is a tin can with two people shoved inside of it—two people who are hoping they can avoid shaking the foundations of their firmly rooted relationship because they aren't quite ready to leap.

"So... how's single life going?" "It's good. No one to complain when I watch football all Sunday." "You didn't leave the house once?" "I walked Kojo." "Tim! What?" "I spend all week outside." "I know, but we live in a vibrant city. There's always something amazing going on." "Look, obviously don't get me wrong, I love LA, but it is not a vibrant city, okay? It's a loosely stitched together patchwork of strip-malls." "You're hopeless."

Yes, I wrote all that. I love this whole exchange because it feels like them, and I know that's why Lucy is smiling over at him after he finishes his last line. This feels right. It always has.

Yes, there have been times that they have been at odds. Yes, there were times Tim was a hard*ss trying to whip her into shape. Yes, they've had their fights and confrontations over the years.

But this rhythm has been earned.

They can disagree without offending one another. They don't have to conceal the fact that they disagree, or tiptoe around issues.

Well, they do have one issue they tiptoe around... but we'll get to that later.

A Phone Rings

Tim glances over, and his face is hilarious. It's a good thing Chris can't see how Tim registers who it is, makes a grim frown, and looks away, trying not to eavesdrop because the last thing he wants to do is listen to the woman he loves be ooey-gooey with her boyfriend.

"Where are you?" "An open house! It was on my way to work. What do you think? It need some work, but it's three bedrooms."

Now this has Tim's attention. He looks over, trying to register if he's hearing what he thinks he's hearing.

Lucy. Looks. Horrified.

"I can't really see anything. Can we talk later?" "Yeah! Love you!"

Lucy can't hang up the phone fast enough.

She huffs out a little, frustrated grunt as she makes that image disappear from her phone screen—a future she knows deep down she doesn't want.

Tim—who thought he was going to get through this day without delving into Lucy's personal life—can't help himself. He noticed several things in that exchange, and there's something that's stirring within him even if he doesn't want to admit it—hope.

Lucy didn't say "I love you" back.

Lucy looked entirely uncomfortable at the idea of moving in with Chris.

Lucy rushed to get him off the phone.

These are all tiny indicators to Tim that there's a chance to have that conversation he's been dying to have since the hotel room when Lucy stood before him wearing nothing but a robe as armor against her heart.

The episode before, he was holding his radio—a literally communication device—which tied them together throughout the day. He held it in his hand, trying to communicate with Lucy. But Chris swooped in, and she was whisked away on his arm, seemingly happy.

Tim doesn't want to do anything to hurt Lucy's happiness.

But this exchange gives him the hint that she isn't happy.

"Are you, are you and Chris moving in together?" "No." "I mean, he seems to think you are." "Yeah, I mean, I don't know. He kinda sprang it on me this morning."

Watch how Lucy rubs her chest, clearly uncomfortable.

Up until now, it's been easy to coast in this comfortable relationship. She wasn't sure where Tim stood, especially after he encouraged her to go off to UC school, and Chris is a great guy.

She should be happy, right?

"You guys are happy, right?" "Yeah." "Those are the obvious next steps." "We're super happy. It's good."

Tim's not trying to lead her on a ride. He honestly wants Lucy to be happy, even if it's not with him. But the cracks are showing.

"That poor woman. The last moments of her life must have been agony, just wondering if the bomb was going to go off, praying it wouldn't." "I'm guessing that was the point. No way someone goes through that much trouble of building something like that unless they wanna terrorize their victim." "Yeah."

I love this conversation because we're still in the moment with them—that horrible moment where a woman lost her life.

Tim and Lucy don't just bounce off of it. Yes, they keep going. They have to. But they take the moment to acknowledge the horrors they've witnessed.

I desperately wish more of my news colleagues had done this back in the day, but that's a story for another blog.

Tim and Lucy's quiet moment of reflection and compassion is interrupted by... Chris. Of course, it's Chris.

"I saw the news, are you okay?"

Oh. Oh! I thought Chris was going to do or say something completely insensitive. That's... refreshing.

"Look, if you don't have time, I get it, but a realtor friend of mine just slipped me a listing-"

THERE it is. There's the a**hole, can't-read-the-room, tone-deaf moment I was expecting.

Lucy looks to Tim to find him already watching her. "Save me," her eyes scream.

"Chen! Chat with your boyfriend on your own time."

Heck, yeah!! That's our White Knight riding up on his faithful steed to rescue the Warrior Princess whose current dead-weight Gentleman Caller has got to go!

Thank you, Tim, for coming to the rescue with some TO-voiced ordering.

"Thanks."

He nods to her in acknowledgement. The barrier they've both kept up is falling more and more throughout this episode, especially as she leans on Tim for support.

I like to talk about the Walls of Jericho from It Happened One Night, one of my favorite love stories, ever. It was physical, but also metaphorical. It was, essentially, a flimsy sheet set between a man and woman to try to separate them and avoid temptation.

But shadows made it through, and it was easily shoved aside. That's the veil between Tim and Lucy, right now, and it's falling fast.

You shouldn't need saving from your own boyfriend. But after what happened with Caleb, Tim's always felt a responsibility to protect Lucy, and I feel that's only intensified as their relationship has progressed toward the romantic.

He can feel her hurt. This is actually hurting, now, and he's not going to stand by and do nothing.

"Look, if you don't want to move in, just tell Chris that." "The question is, 'Why don't I want to move in?'. I don't get what the problem is. I mean, Chris is great. We're great together. We never fight." "Maybe that's the problem." ... "Do you guys not fight because you don't disagree on things or because you don't think it's worth the bother?"

Watch. Her. Face. Oh, how it falls as she considers those words. She's riding along, coasting in this relationship with Chris. There's no passion, no friction, no growth. It's convenient and comfy, but we all know that Lucy isn't afraid of confrontation.

Heck, when she was still very fresh in her Rookie stage with Tim, she tracked him down at night to keep him from making a choice that would change who he was. He might've told her she was out of her depth, but he listened.

Lucy doesn't shy away when it counts. So why is she shying away, now?

"Lucy." "Yeah?" "You deserve someone who's worth the effort."

She's fiddling away at her phone case, uncomfortable and nervous. But she meets his eyes as he speaks to her. She doesn't just hear his words, she feels them.

Tim pulls away after the words escape his mouth, placing his right hand on the wheel, further away from Lucy. She watches him for a moment before looking away, just missing him looking back at her.

They both know what he meant.

Whether his intention was to put himself out there or not, he did it. He reached out a little to her, and though he can't see it, we can all feel her reaching back.

That cord of connection that bonds them is always there, but new threads are weaving in... new strands that only strengthen the more they're spoken aloud.

Tim and Lucy are falling in love... but they aren't ready to discuss it... yet.

Taking Cover from the Bomb

I know it's little, and we can rationalize Tim would have done this with anyone. He absolutely would have protected them. But I love the way he rises WITH her. When they stand after the snipping of the bomb, it's as a unit.

And it's so indicative of this episode. It's bringing them back to that point of trust we saw in 5x01 between them where they were undercover up in the air, and knew they had to trust one another completely.

They've kept apart to try and dull the thrum of their hearts that beats deeply for the other. They've been afraid, and unsure, and unsteady.

But the more they're together, the more it's obvious to both of them (and to us, come on!) that they work beautifully together, that they can depend on one another, that the get one another in a way that's spiritual and chemical and can't be forced or reproduced.

Lucy's F*cking Phone

Every time they get a second of air to breathe, that bloody phone is going off. Now, Tim's actively looking over, not even pretending he's unaware of what's transpiring.

Lucy's frustration is bubbling over, and Tim can see it. He looks over at her and sees the woman he loves... miserable. She's f*cking miserable with this other guy, and he knows it.

"Do you love him?"

Tim knows the answer to this one. It's plain as day. But he also knows Lucy. She needs to work through things, sometimes, which is part of why she talks so much.

Tim licks his lips before he says it, as if he needs extra lubrication to get the words out.

Lucy tries to deflect. Much as she loves talking, she doesn't want to talk about this with him. She deflected hardcore in the hotel, and here she is, again, trying to deflect.

"He loves you." "I know. And I feel like I should love him back. He's so great in so many different ways. It's just. He's just not-"

And her gaze shifts immediately to Tim.

Y'all breathing? Because, I legit stopped breathing at this moment. I might've flailed so much in excitement that I accidentally batted my husband's arm beside me.

But watch Tim's reaction... he knows exactly what she's saying. And while they've broken a lot of rules about talking about personal stuff in the Shop, that's one place they both know better than to cross while under the watchful eyes of half a dozen cameras.

Because, Tim is already bending toward her, but he hasn't yet broken the rules. He hasn't yet crossed the lines. Oh, we all know they both nearly did… but didn't.

ADDENDUM: After watching the scene a few more dozen times, I now don't think Tim knew what she was saying... or he wouldn't let himself hope that he was hearing correctly. Anyway... Onward...

And as they ride, feet and legs parallel to fit their seats, arms contained, and eyes only stealing glimpses, they are very much packaged within the rules of their world.

He's the Sergeant. She's running Gofer. And there are too many rules for the conversation to shift there.

"We need to talk."

Look, I've never said those words or heard those words in a positive manner, but I was completely blown away. But, before I get carried away, can we talk about how GORGEOUS Lucy looks in this ensemble? It's fabulous and I want to hug the costumer.

And there's Tim, tapping away on his phone, alone. I get the feeling they planned to have this conversation, or else he would have gone home. We've never seen him just hang out outside like this. I mean, earlier in the episode he was already telling Lucy he gets plenty of sun.

But his sun is shifting. She's becoming his sun. And soon he'll be basking in her glow.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, again.

Tim sets down his phone and immediately turns to face Lucy as she sits. This time, they aren't in the confines of the Shop. They're not parallel. They're angled toward one another, though not yet fully facing each other.

We're seeing the shift. They wear civvies. They're outside in the fresh air. And yet, they're still not facing one another completely. Not yet.

And yet they are on the same page in this moment.

"This clearly isn't working out."

Props to the human on Twitter who pointed out the repetition of this word being used by Tim and Lucy when discussing the other's significant others who they think need to go. "Clearly isn't the right guy..." "Clearly Ashley needs to go..."

And, yes, Tim. We all agree with you. It's about Tim.. Time. It's about Time (and Tim).

"Oh, like I'm the only one who stayed too long when things aren't working? You dated a lifeguard. You don't even like going to the beach."

I admit I laughed so hard at this line that I missed the next one on my first viewing. I always thought that about Tim and Ashley, but it was nice to hear Lucy verbalize my frustration.

"This isn't about me. No, it's not. This is not about me. This is about you staying in this safe relationship because you're scared."

Buuuurn. I mean, he's not wrong.

I actually know a lot about this, personally. I dated a guy in high school. Nice guy. Thought I was in love with him. But as time went on, I could see it wasn't going to work out. It just wasn't right. So, there I am in my Freshman year of college facing all these people saying, "You two are going to get married!" and everything in me screaming, "the hell we are!"

But it was safe and easy. And breaking out of that relationship was tough. I broke his heart, soundly. He kept trying to get back together with me. But in the week after I decided to break up with him, I met this amazing man named Matthew.

Spoiler Alert: We nearly met over the course of 1.5 years on two different continents on 12 different occasions. We met at exactly the right time. When I was ready to walk away from a safe relationship that was going nowhere. Been together 19 years, married 15.

So, I get it, Lucy, but it's time to break free.

"Of course I'm scared. If we do this, and it doesn't work, I'll have ruined the most important relationship in my life."

Silence. Pure silence. Because what do you say to that?

Tim's sitting there, watching her, leaning into her, drinking her in. And for the first time in his life, he's not the one who's trying to give the most. He's the one who is valued, cherished, loved, and honored. In Lucy's eyes, they are soulmates, with or without the romantic subplot.

And as that realization sets in... that she sees him the same way he sees her. Oh, he loves her all the more.

Because there is finally a person who knows what an a** he can be, how rigid he can be, how closed off he can be, how horrible his childhood was, how hard he's fought to be his own man despite never having a father who gave a damn. Lucy has seen his scars, and not only does she care about him, she is so terrified to risk what they have because she knows in her heart there is no other human who can fill the Tim shaped hole in her life that would be left if he was gone.

Tim. Is. Loved.

When you grow up feeling unlovable, then enter into relationships where everyone's leaving you... it gets hard to see your own value. You stop believing that you're a catch, something precious, something special.

But Lucy knows Tim inside and out, and in this moment, he finally understands why she's terrified.

It's not just about risking a friendship. It's risking the defining relationship that transcends every label it was supposed to have at every stage. This is big.

The last time his mouth was this wide he was completely turned on by the idea of hooking up with Lucy via her doppelganger backstory. But the expression this time is completely different.

Look at Tim's eyes. Look at the man who has feared himself unlovable learning that the woman he holds to such high esteem holds him equally high or higher.

Lucy realizes the bomb she just dropped (thank you to Director Robert Bella for telling us they'd be there!) and she tries to back-pedal a little. Now, she is not negating what she said. She simply fears it was too strong a statement to drop on Tim right this second.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" "No. Um, you're right."

This takes me right back to the hotel room. Her trying to give him an answer, an escape, an excuse. Just biology, "right?" And it's belated, but here's that "right" she was looking for. The big reason that it's not worth the risk.

"So we should just keep going the way we have been, right? It's not worth the risk."

Right? Right!? RIGHT!?

She wants him to affirm her so badly, not because she doesn't want him... but because she wants to know it's in her head, to know that he won't go there, to know that she's justified in staying scared.

But this time, Tim's not letting her off the hook. He can see it in her eyes. He can hear it in her voice. They're on the same page, and there's no way he's letting her turn it without him beside her.

A thousand micro-expressions cross Tim's face. There's the, "Well, you have a point" that quickly shifts to "but maybe..." and then to "I'm just saying" with that little pout to the raised eyebrows with the "come on... let's try".

"Unless it is."

Three words. Three little words and the entire Chenford fandom spontaneously combusted on the floor. I mean, we were already puddling, let's be clear, but in terms of existing on this plane? Nah, that went out the door with this.

Because Tim Bradford, Mr. Super Cop, Follow the Rules, "Chen" not "Lucy" is sitting next to the woman he loves and telling her he thinks they are worth the risk.

WE are worth the risk.

Lucy stares at him incredulously, a little gasp escaping her lips. It's something Melissa O'Neil does a lot as Lucy that adds so much realism to her reactions. Here, Lucy is so surprised at his response, but she's elated, too. You can see it in the upturn of her lips.

And Look. At. Tim. Look at our boy all heart-eyes and fawning over the new sun in his life—Lucy Chen.

Eric Winter takes us on another tour of micro-expressions. We start with his awe at watching her respond, then gathering himself up, trying to have courage. Then, that falls away as he simply laughs. Because he doesn't need courage. He's already fallen. The only question... is whether or not she's ready to take this leap.

He lets the smile fall, gathering himself for whatever she might say as he learns forward. He's moving closer to her, physically, romantically, emotionally... It's all riding on this.

"Do you want to get dinner sometime?"

On. The. Floor. All those Chenford folks who were already broken apart and left this plane temporarily re-formed long enough to combust, again.

Timothy Bradford, look at you!

And this entire scene has brought us to this. From an establishing shot, to a two-shot, to switching sides so the busy sidewalk is out of our view, and pushing in as Tim and Lucy get closer and closer to this moment.

The camera's been taking us on a journey, from remembering where we are and who might be around to forgetting that anything except Tim and Lucy exist. It's the intimacy of the moment brought to life through the screen.

We've come to this moment tight on Lucy as she looks back at Tim, his eyes swimming with hope. It looks beautiful on him.

"Ye-es!"

She makes it two syllables (another amazing little touch that Melissa O'Neil does) as she explodes in a grin that'd light up the darkest room.

And watch Tim bask in it. Have we ever seen his eyes so bright?

"Yeah?"

I love the way he breathes it out, breathless, because she has stolen his breath away and he is left in disbelief that this beautiful woman is ready to risk it all for him... with him... for them.

"No, uh..." "Okay." "No, no, it's just... Not yet. I owe it to Chris to end things the right way with him."

Watch Tim's body language (and this is all Eric Winter). He pulls away from her. He straightens his back. His foot pops down and his knee drops.

Everything in Tim just deflated. After that split-second of joy, this feels like the plummet into rejection that some tiny part of him feared—the part of him that continually thinks he isn't worth it... because of deep set childhood trauma and abuse.

And we've shifted back to the two-shot, away from the intimacy.

But Lucy brings it back.

Before Tim can fully pull away, we shift back to that tight shot.

"Ask me again."

And watch how he boomerangs right back to her.

He's leaning in. He's engaged. He's surprised, but in the best way. Because "Not yet" can easily lean into "No".

But "Ask me again"? There's no denying what she means. She wants this. She wants him. She wants them.

Just not yet.

"Later. After." "Deal."

And look at his face. He looks so content. I can't remember ever seeing Tim Bradford so worry-free.

I mean, there are hints of him relaxing into life around Lucy... paint-balling... the flirty banter after she woke up after Day of the Dead... dancing in the company of friends.

But there's always been that bit of tension about. Not here. His face is free of all that, and he is resting in the knowledge that soon it won't be an idea, a fantasy, a fear, or a frustration. They are taking this next step together.

And it is terrifying. And it could be disastrous. But they've committed in this moment. And I love that for them.

Take Back

Chris Wants Tim's Opinion

Have you ever been around a male peacock? They are a fascinating bunch, constantly throwing out their gorgeous feathers. But they can be really annoying. I've had them chase me and my family at a local farm. Like, really, Mr. Peacock? I didn't do anything to you!

That's how I view Chris and Tim.

I don't think Chris is just in here because "Tim knows Lucy's taste". I get the impression that Chris is onto Tim and Lucy, but I think he only sees Tim's side because he's completely, blindly in obsessive-love with Lucy and is missing the truths in front of him.

He doesn't see Tim as competition. He feels like he's won. But he wants to be sure that Tim is aware of that fact so he'll back off.

I mean, look at how Chris responded to Lucy inviting Tim on their date after she gave Tim's radio back? Chris' face fell and he was completely frustrated. We know he's tried to talk her out of being a cop and into being a lawyer.

Much like Ashley, he found someone he liked enough and tried to shape her into what he wanted. The difference is, Ashley knew when to walk away, even if her timing sucked (in a hospital? after surgery? Were you raised by a**holes?)

So, here's Chris in Tim's temporary office, making sure to show off the big house he's going to get with Lucy—and you aren't, Tim. Neener, neener, neener!

Yeah, I'm not nice to Chris' internal monologue...

"You know her tastes..."

Of course he does, Chris. Because Tim is her favorite flavor. Step off, bro.

**To be clear, I have nothing against the actor. If anyone attacks him over a character he plays, they're an a**hole. But Chris is fictional and fair-game to me.

"It's nice." "What's nice?"

Let's not pretend Lucy is in here for any reason other than to get her boyfriend away from her husband. That room is nothing but glass, and she likely spied Chris in there and thought, "F*ck".

Chris kisses Lucy's cheek on the way out, and the grin Tim gives him is delicious. "Do it while you can, buddy, because you are on the way out and Tim Bradford is on the way in."

Yes, I realized the multiple entendres, though it wasn't written with that intention. So, it stays. Take it however you will.

In one smooth camera movement, we go from Lucy dropping the plastic smile to Tim looking up from the desk with a half smile.

"How's the breakup going?"

I cackled. I died. I tried so hard not to wake my sleeping husband but definitely failed because he abandoned our bed shortly after to take the couch.

There's no more tip-toeing for Tim and Lucy. Everything is on the table, it's just whether or not they play it through.

"I'm in the planning stages. I'm just reviewing the literature." "Literature? Lucy, a psychology journal's not going to tell you how to break up with Chris. Just invite him to your office and ask for his playbook."

I love this. The banter. The humor.

Look, I'm a huge fan of characters getting together and not losing what made them great. It worked beautifully on The Good Place and Brooklyn 99, and I really want to see it work here, too.

Tim and Lucy's back-and-forths are part of why we love them. Even in this moment, they disagree. But they've worked through so much in their relationship that even though they openly disagree, they know how to do so with respect.

It's earned.

"His playbill?" "His playbook. When you get kicked off the team you have to turn in your playbook. It's a metaphor." "No, it's cruel. I'm going to handle it my way."

And here come Tim's creeping doubts. Because a tiny part of him still worries this is too good to be true.

"If you're having second thoughts-" "No. I'm not." "Good."

Heart eyes. We have HEART EYES at work... in uniform. In the Watch Commander's Office. Freakin' heart eyes.

You ever have a moment where you stop and think, "How did I get here?" That's me and this moment. Everything up until this point made me smile and squeal. But, this? This made me swoon.

Because Tim Bradford and Lucy Chen are looking at one another like the other lassoed the moon. There's no fear. No trepidation. No worry. No tension.

In this brief moment, Tim and Lucy are simply that... Tim and Lucy. Every other boundary is seemingly stripped.

And yet... they are still separated by Chris... and the Desk of Duty set between them.

Think about it. Tim doesn't break the rules much. Yes, some things matter more. It's true! But, it's few and far between.

Here, he is in the role of Watch Commander, even further from Lucy in her position. And yet the man and woman beneath the badges and uniforms are screaming to be together.

But the barriers have not yet been rendered moot.

"You know, you haven't said anything since we pulled out." ... "I need to break up with Chris." "Finally!"

Aaron. Oh, Aaron. Thank you. First, for knowing our girl well enough to know that her silence is a sign something is up. Two, for saying what everyone has been quietly thinking. And we (the audience) know you know Tim's got it bad for Lucy. So, thank you for your service in this moment.

"Aaron was right. I should have practiced more. Okay. Um. I need you to give me your playbook."

She defaults to Tim's advice. Quick. Rip off the band-aid. Go for the metaphor.

Now, my husband pointed out that he would have had no idea what that meant (same with me). But, apparently, Chris knows enough.

"Are you breaking up with me?" "You know what that means?"

I laughed heartily at that. Which is a terrible, terrible thing to do when a guy is getting his heart broken. But, I've been there.

I didn't say exactly those words, but I knew direct and to the point was the best way to handle the comfortable—but wrong for me—guy.

He's great, by the way. Married to a mutual friend of ours with a son. We kept in touch! I oddly did that with all my exes... Yeah, I know I'm weird.

But Lucy definitely definitely doesn't need to keep in touch with Chris.

And our girl knows it, because as soon as the deed is done, she runs right back to Tim.

Lucy knocks on his door, that beautiful moonstone ring that has come to mean so much glinting at the camera lens, catching light from somewhere in the room.

"How's it going?" "Counting the seconds until Grey returns. What are you doing back?" "I talked to Chris."

With that, Lucy crosses the threshold of the room, toward Tim, away from the past.

Tim finally, finally comes out from behind the desk. He stands facing her. No longer parallel like in the Shop. No longer angled like outside.

This time, they're pointed at what they both truly want—each other.

And the barriers are gone. Lucy has shed the dead weight of the puffed chicken, and Tim just stepped away from the weight of that Desk of Duty to face Lucy fully as a man.

He's still in uniform. They're in the Watch Commander's office. The walls are glass. But none of that matters to him because he's made a choice, already, and nothing will stand in his way now that Lucy is ready to take this leap together.

"How did it go?" "Uhhh, awful. But it's done."

Lucy takes a look around them, taking in the scene, looking to see if anyone is coming or anyone is watching. She turns back to Tim, secure that this is their moment.

And it's happening inside the precinct. Why? I think it's because this is where it all started for them. The first chapter of their story began in this setting. Why not have the next chapter start similarly?

Tim watches Lucy as she looks to him. The look on his face reminds me of 5x01 when they'd just crossed the threshold into her apartment and he was standing there, watching her, unsure if she wanted to start or if he should.

This time, there's no ambiguity from her.

"So, do you have something you were gonna ask me?"

She takes a step forward on that, settling into her hip the same way she did at that door back in 5x01, watching Tim and waiting for him to cross the threshold to her.

This time, the threshold is invisible, but they both know it's there. They can feel the buzz of this moment and all the change it will bring.

Much as they have fought it in the past, they know they're on the same page. It's time to start writing a new chapter.

"I can't remember." "Don't make me hurt you."

Again, thank you, writers, for making sure that Tim and Lucy are still... Tim and Lucy. Even in this moment of monumental change, they are still the characters we love and not watered-down versions of them.

Lucy and Tim are flirting in their teasing way, and my heart's fluttering so fast I fear I'll take flight.

Tim locks eyes on her, taking his own step forward. Any closer and there'd be some side-eye from the other officers outside, of course. But that was the threshold right there.

He crossed it. Tim Bradford took a step toward the future he wants with Lucy Chen.

And as his eyes swim with adoration, his mouth quirks into an almost-smile, the peace of reciprocal love enveloping him in warmth.

His eyes sparkle, and while, yes it's probably studio lighting... I like to think it's because those eyes are reflecting the radiance of Lucy's love back to her.

"Do you wanna go out on a date?" "Yeah, I do."

The last time she said, "I do" to him, they were on a dance-floor, giddy with excitement, releasing themselves into a moment of happiness.

But with these two words, they've unlocked something even deeper—the chance at love that transcends boundaries and rules, that binds souls in passion and paradise.

Does it mean the road will be easy? Hell, no. But, it means they'll face it together.

They have fought. They have battled. They have pissed each other off. They have pranked one another. Helped one another. Supported one another. Uplifted one another. Rescued one another.

This is an epic love story, not some flash-in-the-pan, fly-by romance. Tim and Lucy have been on parallel paths for a long time.

But now, their roads have converged in the purest of ways—two humans daring to risk it all... because they're worth it.

And despite being in a transparent box, nobody's looking in, and Tim and Lucy aren't looking out. They only see each other, and the possibilities opened on the blank page of the rest of their lives. Oh, I can't wait to watch it unfold.

Thank you all for reading. What comes next? Only the writers know... but I'm loving this ride, and I want to thank each and every one of you who told me over the summer that I needed to check this ship out. You were right! They're magic.

#Chenford #Tim x Lucy #Lucy x Tim #Tim Bradford #Lucy Chen #The Rookie #Eric Winter #Melissa O'Neil

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griffin-girl-r · 8 months

Text

Run

Created: 10.08.2022

Finished: 11.08.2022

Edited: 13.09.2023

Age: 17

Word count: 4,198

Based on: The movie 'Run'

Note: The plot had been altered to fit a happy ending

Warnings: Blood, Different health issues, Mental disorder, Medicine, Poison, Lies, Fainting

Request: Yes (Tumblr user)

��

"Is she going to be okay?" Natasha looked with tear-filled eyes at the baby inside the incubator

Bruce took a step forward and put his hand on her shoulder "She's got some serious problems, Nat, and she's very small. Giving birth at only 5 months of pregnancy can be very risky for you as well as for the baby."

"Is she going to be okay?!" Natasha repeated as she tried to fight back a sob, her eyes never leaving the baby, her baby

"With a lot of care and attention, she'll survive." Bruce explained "And despite the health problems she has, your baby can easily live an almost normal life."

Natasha sniffed as she pressed her hand harder on the incubator in hopes that this would help her be closer to you "I'll make sure she'll survive."

—

*17 years later*

The Avengers were all sitting in another boring meeting when suddenly Tony started talking about how Peter would go off to college very soon and about how fast the time passed.

"I can't believe my boy has grown so much." Tony smiled but everyone could swear that he was tearing up behind his sunglasses "Who will now be there for him to remind him to eat or rest enough? Who will do the grocery shopping for him now and buy him everything he actually needs not just junk food?"

"It's a hard time in a parent's life to let their child finally go, Stark." Clint started to play with the pen in his hand "Trust me, I got 3 and it never gets easier. Especially for us that we're walking targets and we're afraid they'll come for our kids as a form of revenge towards us. But we'll also be proud to see how well they can actually do on their own."

Tony pretended to play it cool as he turned his head towards Natasha and chuckled "You've been really quiet, Romanoff. Aren't you scared that something could happen to your daughter now that she'll go to college?"

"No." Natasha replied nonchalantly

"No?" Steve questioned "Nat, we know how much you love your daughter and protect her. We know it can't be that easy for you to let her go. Especially since she's..." Steve couldn't bring himself to say it "You know... She's..."

"Intelligent?!" Natasha interrupted him "Brave? Much more capable of taking care of herself than any adult in this room? I know my daughter. I gave birth to her. I raised her. Y/N is better than all of us. So if anyone needs to be worried about their child, that's Tony." She pointed to the man in question "Not me."

Steve wanted to say "sick" but hearing Natasha's protests he gave up on that thought.

Clint knew exactly this was just Natasha using her well-known poker face in a successful attempt to hide her feelings but he said nothing.

—

You sighed and put your blanket over your head as the morning alarm rang once again to wake you up.

Sticking one hand from under the blanket you stopped it and made your way out of the bed.

It was another boring day of your boring life.

Thanks to the fact that you were born such a small baby and thanks to your mom's health issues when it came to her having babies, now you're stuck in an endless loop.

You get out of bed and hardly make your way towards the bathroom.

For a moment you stare at yourself in the mirror then wash your face and proceed to brush your teeth.

After this part of the routine is completed you make your way just as hard as before towards the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweetie." Natasha kissed your head once you sat in your chair at the table

"Morning, .ama." You yawned and Natasha giggled

"I made breakfast." She smiled as she put the plate with food in front of you

You smiled back at her "Thanks, Mama." And proceeded to eat

"Don't forget these, baby." Your mother put in front of you a glass of water next to your daily pills "So when was the last time we saw a movie together?"

—

You were born with a set of serious health problems that included: arrhythmia, hemochromatosis, asthma, diabetes, and an easy form of paralysis that is responsible for you moving your legs way too harder than a normal person does.

Arrhythmia: An abnormality of electrical impulses in the heart, causing irregular heartbeats.

The orange pill in front of you.

It made you not feel as funny in your chest as you do when your heart starts beating out of its normal rhythm.

Hemochromatosis: An excess accumulation of iron in the bloodstream, causing rashes and nausea.

The white pill in front of you.

You hated that every morning you woke up feeling sick and if it wasn't for this pill, you would constantly throw up.

Asthma: An inflammation of the airways in the lungs, causing difficulty in breathing.

You knew what was coming right after breakfast. You had to use your inhaler.

Your mom had these things stashed all around the house, the car and she's always carrying one with her.

Diabetes: An impairment of the pancreas to produce insulin, causing unstable glucose levels.

You knew the drill.

If it was too high you had to make an injection. If it was too low your mom gave you some chocolate.

You always prayed you had it too low.

Paralysis: An inhibition of muscle function, causing an inability to move, feel, walk, or run.

Run...

Something you will never be able to do.

When you were born, Bruce told your mama that you would never be able to use your legs but Natasha was stubborn. She couldn't accept the fact that her daughter would never walk so she researched day and night to find a solution for your problem.

Her solution was followed by countless hours of physical recovery but she achieved her goal.

Slowly but surely, her care and the physical therapy you were doing every day at home offered you over time the ability to walk. Still a little harder than normal people do but you are walking and Natasha was happy with just that.

But running was one thing you'll never be able to do and you made your peace with that.

—

"Do you know when the mail will come today?" You hopefully asked your mom

"I have no idea baby girl but don't worry. If there is a letter from any university, you'll be the first to open it." Natasha smiled and put a book on the table for your daily lessons

It was no surprise that you were homeschooled.

Natasha was very overprotective of you. As a matter of fact, you rarely even left the house at all and when you did, you were always in Natasha's company.

You didn't even have friends.

To keep yourself busy, you developed a passion for engineering and building different machines and computers on your own. Natasha provides you with anything you could need to work on your passion.

Sure, Clint's kids visit you as often as they can, and twice a week Peter comes to talk with you and tell you how the outside life is.

You both were now 17 but very soon you and Peter will turn 18 and both of you were waiting for your letters from the universities you applied for.

Peter was only 2 months older than you and you have been really close from the first moment you met each other.

He was Tony's adopted son but try and tell that to Tony.

And you were Natasha's miracle daughter, born from an experiment.

—

"Please don't lie to me, Peter." You skeptically looked at your friend

"I'm not lying Y/N." He defended himself "Look. Here it is." Peter pulled out of his pocket his acceptance letter from the university

You snatched it from poor Peter's hands and quickly looked over it.

"Off..." You deeply sighted "Mine still hasn't arrived. What is it taking so long?"

Natasha could hear you from the basement where she was throwing away the third letter you received from another university that was honored to have you as their student.

She wasn't planning on letting you go ever.

Natasha was afraid that you would die alone in the cruel outside world. She was scared of losing you.

Her little baby girl can't go off to college alone. There are too many dangers and you're still so fragile and so in need of her help.

—

It wasn't up till one day when you decided to look through the grocery bag that your mom left on the counter in hopes of getting to steal more candies to eat behind your mother's back, that you found something unexpected.

It was a medicine bottle with Natasha's name on it.

This was new. You never saw these meds before. Let alone know that your mama needed them.

But before getting the chance to have a good look at them, you heard Natasha coming towards the kitchen. So as fast as you could, you returned to your seat and pretended to work on your homework.

—

You said nothing about the pills you found but you were determined to find out what were they and what they were used for.

Natasha started to give you these pills telling you they were actually for you, that the doctor gave you some new medicine to take, and that it was for nothing more than to prevent you from passing out whenever your heart started acting up and beating like crazy.

At first, you believed her.

She was your mom after all. Right?

All she ever did was to take care of you.

—

"Mama, why was your name on the bottle?" You finally had the courage one night to ask your mom about the pills

"What are you talking about baby?" Natasha turned around and leaned on the door frame after she tucked you in

"I've seen your name on the bottle. Which means that you should be the one taking the meds, not me." You confidently looked at your mom

Natasha lightly laughed "Oh no honey. My name was on the receipt. You know, they lately put the receipt on the bottle. That's why there is my name on the bottle and not yours."

"Oh." You were confused "I guess you're right. I'm sorry for accusing you, Mama."

"That's okay my love." Natasha softly smiled "I forgive you. Now off to bed with you." She put her hand on the light switch and turned it off

Natasha left, closing the door behind her, and you pulled your blanket more over your shoulders.

—

But Natasha's answer wasn't enough for you.

After almost half of the night where you just tossed and turned in bed, you decided to get up and find out more about those pills.

You quietly made your way towards the computer that was downstairs.

You looked on all sides before opening up and searching for the name of the medicine.

Your heart was beating out of your chest as you anxiously waited for the results of your search to show up on the screen.

But instead of the results, the screen showed up the text that let you know the computer had no Internet connection.

Only if your mom allowed you to have a phone.

You defeatedly made your way back up to your room, unaware of the fact that this entire time Natasha was watching you from the dark and she was the one who cut the Internet connection.

—

"You can't treat your clients like this. Leaving us in the dark for the entire night." You saw Natasha argue on her phone while you sat down on your chair at the dining table "I hope this never happens again." Your mom ended the call

"Was it about the Internet connection?" You sighed as Natasha sat in front of you

"Yes." She nodded "But how do you know it was about the Internet, baby?"

"I tried to use the computer last night." You shily said "I tried to figure out why the processor of my new invention isn't working."

You lied. You were not just going to reveal to Natasha that you suspect something strange is happening.

But Natasha knew you were lying and she played your card.

"So did you find out why wasn't it working?" She asked as watched you from the corner of her eye

You shook your head "No. How could I?! The Internet wasn't working." You decided to push your luck "If only I had a phone."

"Nice try, baby." Natasha laughed "But don't worry. I'm sure you'll figure it out on your own. You're my smart girl."

—

You were her smart girl but you were also her stubborn girl and you weren't going to give up till you hadn't learned all the truth.

So you took advantage of the fact that your mom left the house to water the plants in your garden outside and went to her room, you called Peter.

"Hello?" Peter answered the call

"Peter, I need your help." You were watching your mom through the window to make sure she didn't come inside

"Y/N? What happened? Is there something wrong?" He asked concerned

"I need you to look something up for me on the Internet and tell me what it's used for." You quickly answered and proceeded to tell him the name of the medicine

"So here it says that is used for severe cardiac problems..." Peter read a whole list of things that it had treated with that medicine "Wow! Is that what you're suffering from? That's nasty!"

"There's no time for that, Peter... I need you to tell me what color they are." You rushed Peter into answering

"The color... the color..." Peter repeated while he searched for photos of the medicine "Ah! Here it is. They are red."

Your brain stopped working for a moment and the phone fell from your hand.

Red...

The pills you were taking were half green, half grey.

No red.

"Y/N? Y/N? Are you still there?" Peter shouted through the phone trying to catch your attention once again "Is that all you wanted to know?"

"Yes, Peter. Thank you." And with that, you ended the call and rushed out of your mom's room

Your mom had been tricking you.

But why?!

What were these meds actually for?

—

"I see you figured it out." Natasha startled you as she opened your door

Your mind instantly raced to what happened today.

"What do you mean?" You slightly panicked

"You figured it out. I knew you could do it." She pointed with her head towards your invention that was now working

"Yes. Yes, I did." You smiled as you sighed in relief

Natasha came closer and handed you the meds with a glass of water.

"Good night, baby girl." She kissed your head

"Good night, Mama." You flashed a smile her way then looked back at the book that was in your lap and pretended to keep reading

Natasha looked one more time at you before closing the door behind her.

—

"When was the last time we watched a movie?" You smiled at your mom the next morning during your breakfast

Natasha's face instantly lit up as a wide smile appeared on her face "What do you want to watch?"

—

You successfully made Natasha agree to take you out to the city to watch a movie together at the cinema.

Your plan was set in motion.

You were going to find out what those pills were for one way or another.

—

"I'm going to get more water." You whispered to your mother in the middle of the movie as you shook the empty bottle in front of her "Tell me what I miss."

"I won't." Natasha chuckled as she watched you stand up and leave

Going out of the cinema you took off towards the pharmacy that was right across the street and from where your mom always bought your meds.

—

You sighted as you saw the enormous line of people that were waiting there.

So you decided to play the disabled person card.

"Excuse me. I'm disabled. Please let me through." You shouted as you exaggerated your walk to show people that they should let you in front

"Hey, Y/N." The lady from the desk greeted you "Where's your mama? Is Natasha here too?"

"Yes!" You rushed to answer as you put one on the desk one pill "But I need to find out what is this pill used for."

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry but this is confidential information and I'm afraid I can not give it to you without your mama being here." The lady apologetically smiled at you

"Please..." Then an idea popped up in your mind "We're playing a game! It's a hunting treasure game and to find the treasure, I need to find out what this pill is used for because this is a clue that will get me closer to being the one who wins."

The lady thought for a second about your words then sight "Okay, Y/N. If you say so." And she started to search on her computer what that pill was

You were looking around scared. Praying that Natasha wouldn't come look for you here.

"Ah, here it is." The lady said "Here it says that it's a medication used to treat the persons that are suffering from bipolar disorder. It should calm them and their mood swings. Made them more relaxed and..."

The lady kept on explaining but you weren't listening to her anymore.

Natasha gave you medicine that wasn't yours. Why? Why would she do that? Why do you need to calm down?

You felt how your heart started to beat faster and faster and faster. Your hands started to shake and you could feel the blood rising and see the world spinning till it became blurry.

That damn arrhythmia. It was the worst time for it to start acting up.

"Y/N!" Natasha desperately shouted as she ran to your side "Baby, talk to me! Say something!" She cupped your face

She reached you just in time before your legs gave up on you and you passed out in her arms.

"What did you tell her?!" Natasha shouted angrily at the lady behind the desk "It's okay, baby. I catched you." Natasha whispered as she held you tight in her arms slightly stroking your hair "I got you, baby. Mama got you."

—

Natasha gently laid you down on your bed once she took you back home and left the room after that in a hurry.

A few hours later you woke and tried to get out of your room only to find out that Natasha locked you in there.

"Mama!" You shouted "Mama, please! I just want to talk to you! I promise I won't do anything! I just need answers!"

When you received no response you decided to try and unlock the door only to realize that Natasha not only locked the door but she actually blocked it from the other side so it would be impossible for you to open it.

You had to escape now.

So you decided to get out through your window after you secured some wires around your waist and then crawled on the roof till your mother's window and broke it.

Crawling back inside you rushed to your room, unclocked it, and barely reached your inhaler just in time.

After you caught your breath you made your way to the stairs.

What a great time for your legs to give up on you because just when you were at the top of the stairs, your legs gave up and you fell all the way to the bottom of the stairs.

You looked at your hands and saw cuts and scratches and after you checked the right side of your head, you understood that there was a bleeding cut.

But you didn't have time to cry over something so little as falling down the stairs.

You made your way on the lonely road that led to your house and stopped the first car that was coming that way, which happened to be the mailman's car.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" He ran to your side

"I need your help. Please. My mama tried to hurt me. She gave me medicine that was for her, not for me. Help me please."

"Y/N, are you sure, kid?" The man asked

But before you got the chance to answer him, your mom's car pulled behind the mailman's.

"Baby?" Natasha started running to you worried when she saw the state you were in "Baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Miss Romanoff, please stop." The mailman stepped in front of Natasha, blocking her way to you

"What are you talking about?! I need to go to my daughter! I need to make sure she's okay!" Natasha shouted

"Natasha..." The man whispered "She said you were hurting her."

"What?!" Your mom asked confused "Can you hear what you're saying right now?! Me? Hurt my daughter? You know I could never do that. She's just feeling off because there were some new meds that she was given."

"Look, I'll take her to the hospital and we'll talk more there." The man said

Natasha nodded and walked back to her car.

"So the hospital or the police?" The man whispered to you as he helped you get up in his van

"The police." You smiled relifed "Thank you so much."

But before you got the chance to even leave that place, Natasha knocked unconscious the poor man who tried to help you.

—

You woke up in a strange room.

But as you fully came back to your senses you realized you were in the one room, you weren't allowed in.

The basement.

As you looked around at the room where Natasha was spending her free time you noticed the letters from the universities in the trash.

You were accepted.

To every college you applied for.

Natasha kept this as a secret from you.

You got so angry that you started throwing all around the room the trash and the letters till you noticed a strange box.

On the box there was a name very similar to your mother's name and yet not hers at the same time.

'Natalia Romanova' was the name on the box.

Your mom's name is 'Natasha Romanoff' not 'Natalia Romanova'... Right?

Even though Natasha chained you by one leg you managed to find a way of reaching the box and started looking through it.

There were a few pictures of your mom when she was younger, one when she was pregnant with you, and one of yourself as a baby. Then there was your birth certificate, a paper where were listed all of your health problems, and one paper that clearly said that your mom had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Your mom was sick?!

"We can start again, baby." Natasha softly explained as she reached the bottom of the stairs "No meds. No nothing. Just us two like we were before."

"You tricked me!" You shouted in her face "Was I ever even sick? You poisoned me!"

Natasha shook her head "I protected you! The outside world it's very dangerous, baby girl, and you are too fragile to fight alone. You need me."

You thought for a second "No... You need me."

You managed to lock yourself inside the storage closet before Natasha had time to reach you.

"Baby, please..." Natasha knocked on the door "Please open the door. We can talk about this."

But you knew what you had to do. You took the first bottle of chemicals that was inside there and drank it.

When she heard no answer Natasha took down the door and let out a desperate scream as she saw you lying down with blood pooling out of your mouth.

—

Bruce and his team managed to save you and Natasha never felt more scared and desperate in her entire life.

But before she got the chance to see you Bruce talked with you a little, first.

He managed to tell you about the problem your mom has and he told you that Natasha accepted getting help for you because she wants to start again and give you more freedom.

Natasha understood where her mistake was and she accepted specialized help.

And you decided to forgive her and give her a chance.

You knew your mom wouldn't hurt you on purpose. She couldn't control herself when she did and you were planning to help her.

—

*7 years later*

Natasha did change and everything went back to normal again.

She seeked professional help, you went to college and graduated last year.

You both left it all behind and were now looking ahead to a brighter future.

One where you helped each other and took care of one another while overcoming everyday challenges.

You both understood that you needed each other to keep living a normal life.

—

#mama nat #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha x daughter!reader #natasha's child #natasha's kid #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #natasha x teen reader #natasha x baby!reader

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v0jelly · 2 years

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Akari and Her Team: Legends Arceus

Hisuian Decidueye, nicknamed Roothoot

Gardevoir, nicknamed Joan

Raichu, nicknamed Mjölna

Walrein, nicknamed Maru

Hisuian Arcanine, nicknamed Roscoe

Alpha Garchomp, nicknamed Hammerhead

I've been a fan of Pokémon all the way back since it first came to the US In that time, I've played every mainline series game that have come out over the years. My interest in the franchise has waxed and waned over the years, but it hasn't gone away completely. Every so often, just when I feel like I've played my last Pokémon game or that I'm ready to move on, a new game will be released that will completely reinvigorate me and get me excited about Pokémon again. It happened not too long ago with the released of Sun and Moon back in 2016, and it happened again this year with the release of Legend Arceus.

If you're like me, you might not have been terribly excited by any of the entries in the series that have come out on the Switch. Let's Go was fine and Sword and Shield were ok, but I was incredibly disappointed in Brillant Diamond and Shining Peral and honestly think they are a strong contender for the title of Worst Games in the Series. So, after being let down by BDSP, I was not really looking forward to Legends Arceus. It was actually the first Pokémon game in years that I didn't pick up on its release day. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I started to tune into the buzz around the game and heard people talking about how fun it was. So, I decided to eventually give it a try and see if it lived up to the hype.

In the end, I put over 100 hours into it, so you can say that I enjoyed it. Is it a perfect game? No, far from it. There are so many issues with it, it makes it hard to believe this was released as a AAA game in 2022, made by a company that is part of the largest media franchise in the world.

Was it fun? I thought so. Sure, it might not have been the best game ever, but it really got me engaged and interested in the series again. After being satisfied with how much of the game's content I had completed, I knew I wanted to make something to commemorate my playthrough. I decided a portrait featuring my custom trainer and her team would be the most appropriate, though I wasn't sure on how to proceed. I considered just commissioning someone else to draw it for me. I follow a lot of talented artists and I know they could have delivered a final product that would have been leagues ahead of anything I could make. But, as good as those commissions could have been, they wouldn't have been personal, and that's what I really wanted.

So, I got to work. I planned out how I wanted each Pokémon to look, and I collected a lot of references to help me. I work incredibly slow, mainly since I draw everything with my mouse instead of a stylus, and since I have to spend my days at work where I can't draw, so it took me about two months to make my way through the team. Finally, though, I am happy to say that I finished up everything and put them all together. I am incredibly pleased with how it all turned out, and I'm now able to move on from this and get started on the next few projects I have lined up.

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softievante · 9 months

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*taps the mic* *clears throat* so… every carat is kinda familiar with the concept of stoner!vernon, right? i mean i guess we’ve all thought about it at some point… after reading the hot takes on feedee nonie, my mind can’t not obsess on the concept of stoner vernon who just graduated and is living by himself so no one’s around to regulate his (yeah, bad) habits. he has the munchies almost every time he finishes a blunt, which leads to not only weird combinations but a soft middle as the times goes by <3

what ensues:

seungkwan, his next-door neighbor, noticing that each week/month he meets his friendly, cute secret crush, he seems to be… different. cuter? he doesn’t know. but he thinks he looks prettier. it’s like his cheeks are begging to be pinched. (also i love the concept of seungkwan being kinda oblivious to nonie’s smoking habits so in a lot of encounters vernon’s like red-glassy-eyed and seungkwan thinks he’s had a hard day or something… “poor boy, must feel so lonely…” when in fact he’s probably lost in another dimension).

lee chan, the guy from the nearest convenience store, vernon’s acquaintance, teasing him about the amount of chips and sweets and soda he keeps buying with more frequency as his cravings get more intense. chan doesn’t spare the comments about vernon coming in in sweatpants ‘cause “did the gross amount of chips caught up to you, finally? your jeans gave up, didn’t they?” which merely has vernon cursing saying he needs to respect his elders.

jihoon, vernon’s mentor at the studio he works at, being not subtle at all when it comes to how the chairs start creaking under his dongsaeng’s weight, “careful not to end up stuck,” he jokes. vernon, never high at work hours, blushes violently since it’s the first time he’s consciously experimenting someone pointing out his new frame. jihoon proceeds to make the conversation lighter, claiming it’s normal for those who work behind the scene and seated all day to pack up a few pounds (vernon doesn’t really believe him, since jihoon is all muscle and thinness. god. maybe it’s time for a diet, isn’t it?)

vernon tries, he swears he tries. it’s just hard to control his appetite now that he completely ruined his eating patterns. the cravings. the hunger. maybe he should just light a cig to relax. (the cycle continues)

wonwoo as his best friend! they smoke together! wonu witnesses one of vernon’s indulgences, thinks there’s something oddly hot about it. maybe he even feeds him? (i’m a sucker for wonsol aha).

anyway. kinda want this to be verkwan, kinda want to make each boy dote on nonie in a different way. seokmin and soonyoung definitely tease him about his ass (from modest to “wow, vernonie, since when did you enhanced this back view?”), minghao can be an on-and-off friend who he sometimes sleeps with and surely appreciate the softness. mingyu as a singer who gets assigned to him at the studio, they bond and one night they’re at gyu’s place, vernon about to lose himself in mingyu’s cooking skills? there’s so many possibilities!!

💭 brainrot 🧠

#hcs #svt #feedee vernon

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nocturnalghoul · 1 year

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Mushy May Day 27: Game Night

A little something about the ghouls having a weekly ttrpg game (in this case Monster of the Week). Cirrus takes over running the weekly game and is feeling a bit imposter syndrome-y but the enthusiasm of her pack quickly shows her she had nothing to worry about.

I tried to make it rules-light enough that even if you have never played MOTW or any ttrpg it should still be followable.

Also a quick little tag for @ghouletteanon because you had asked me to way back at the beginning of the month :)

Words: 699

Rating: Gen/ Everyone

Read below the cut or on AO3 here

The ghouls have been playing their current Monster of the Week game for a few sessions now, and Cirrus was extremely pleased with how it was progressing. For a while Dew had been DM’ing a game of DND for about half the other ghouls, but they all had to stop when everyone's dice kept “mysteriously” disappearing. They pretended it was a mystery but really Rain was stealing all the dice that were pretty and hiding them around his room, and Mountain wouldn’t stop eating the others. Soon enough there were just normal standard bulk set d6s left so they decided to switch to another system.

Cirrus had taken over the helm of GM since they switched to the new system and it was a lot so far, but luckily the pack has been super supportive. Everyone finally seems to have a decent grip of the new rule system and character classes so she finally can start to get into the proper mystery. Running a game is a bit more nerve wracking than playing in one though and Cirrus has been struggling to keep up her normal collected confidence as she runs the game.

She finishes up describing the large sprawling labyrinth below the main city the characters find themselves in and starts humming the soft eerie notes of a melody faintly heard down one of the pathways. Once she looks up away from her notes she notices the way that everyone at the table, as well as Aether and Cumulus who were playing cards on the other side of the ghouls den are all looking at her completely enraptured. There is a sense of pride that bubbles up inside her as her confidence in her abilities solidify slightly.

“So, how do you guys proceed?” she prompts after wrapping up the haunting tune. Everyone just blinks at her for a second before remembering oh yeah it's a collaborative effort and getting back to the game. They explore the large labyrinth for a while, until finally getting to a point of interest that whatever monster they are looking for clearly just vacated, Cirrus laying heavy details of all the general mayhem of the area and the scuttering sound that while present before is now gone.

Sunny rolls uncharacteristically well in her attempt to investigate. As she composes her thoughts on what to ask, Cirrus can’t help but smile as she shuffles a few papers around. Luckily the way everyone tries to investigate leads to exactly what she was hoping for.

“All of the clutter in the chamber seems to point to one centralized area. In the dead center of it you find this.” Cirrus narrates beaming. She pulls out a wrinkled stained piece of paper with burn marks along the edges from a tiny wooden box and hands both items to Sunny.

“You made fucking physical props for this?!” Dew immediately shouts out, attempting to take the paper from Sunny to read aloud. “Shit Cir’ you are killing it. Making my old half-assed effort look bad.”

Dew reads what appears to be a diary page relating to the strange occurrences aloud. Just as Rain and Mountain begin to argue over what it all could mean, Copia walks in interrupting the flow of conversation.

“I know it is game night, but I really need to borrow Swiss for 10 minutes at most real quick” he sheepishly tells them. Cirrus begins to say that’s fine and that they can all just take a break real quick, but the rest of the people playing immediately launch into complaints about how important story things are happening and can’t Copia wait a little bit so that they can sort everything out.

Cirrus re-asserts that they can just take a break and watches as Swiss sighs and moves to follow Copia. “Fine, but nothing better happen while I’m gone.” he grumbles as the two walk off.

Whatever doubts Cirrus was having about her ability to run the game are squashed as she watches everyone playing last maybe 20 seconds before they launch into thoughts and ideas about what's happening based on the diary entry.

Swiss does in fact, miss out on a lot while he is gone.

#fun fact I didnt go into the module but Cirrus is running one I wrote :)#I can still catch up by end of month idk what you are talking about #mushy may #nocturnal mushy may #the band ghost #nocturnal writings

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babiestmunson · 2 years

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The colors suit him pt. 2

Not necessary to read but always welcome Part 1

Summary: It took some things to take place before your first date with Eddie. Dustin's protective brother, uncle advises and even a little punch to his beautiful face.

Pairin: Eddie Munson x Henderson Fem!Reader

Warnings: Coursing, mentions of bullying. English is not my first language.

AN: ngl I was scared when I post the first part but I love our boy so much I just had to do a second part and tbh I already have the base for the third time. This takes place before everything that happen in s4, just a little backup story, anyway I hope you enjoy it

➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️➖️

As you're walking towards Max's trailer you pass next to Eddie's. Maybe you could knock to say hi, or would that be too weird? You didn't want to seem clingy; you saw him yesterday and basically spent the entire afternoon together. What if he finds you annoying? Hard pass on that one.

You and Eddie were a thing now, but not official. You and he knew you didn’t want to be just friends, but the word date was never used. God forbid the labels boyfriend and girlfriend, oh no, you'd keep playing along, maybe it was too fast to talk about a relationship, after all, it's been only one month.

You knock on Max's door and the girl opens with a big smile on her face. She hugs you, greets you and lets you pass. She was having trouble with history and literature, especially on the essays part so you were helping her three times a week after you shift at Family Video.

"I love how you look with the vest; you completely sold your soul to the man" you laugh and give her a little push.

"Hey, I always let you take some movies for free so I can still sabotage capitalism"

After an hour or so you were finally done with her assignments, like really done. You were so proud of her, she tried really hard to keep her grades up, even when she wasn’t focused on school, she still tried.

You never mention her mom, but she makes you angry. Of course it had been hard for her to lose her stepson and her husband by extension but she still had Max. And for her to give up on her daughter that easily was something you could not understand. Sometimes as Max did her homework, you'd clean up a little, throwing away the beer cans and bottles of cheap liquor and sometimes even cook for her so she could have something healthy for dinner and lunch.

"Uhm, is it ok if I sleep at your house tonight?" That meant that her mom was having another night of drinking and of course you'd let her sleep at your house. As much as you loved your Dusty, it was nice to have a little sister.

"I'll wait for you outside, and this time don't forget your homework because I will not commit felony again trying to enter this house to get it to you"

"Sure mom!" You laugh and close the door then proceed to fire a cigarette.

"Holy shit" you feel something tingling your leg along with some kind of growl. By instinct you turn around and punch the first thing you see. Only it was not the common monsters or the Russians you fight daily. It was Eddie and his now bleeding lips.

"Fuck Henderson who you trynna kill" he lays on the floor and covers his lips. His doe eyes looking at you like a lost puppy.

"Dear God Eddie, I'm so sorry" you sit on the floor with him and try to help him. But without seeing what hurt him you were only touching his face with your left hand.

He was still bleeding so you grab his hair and put it behind his ears. That way it wouldn’t be covered in blood. As you finish, he finally puts his hands down and you take the chance and hold his face forcing him to look at you. Only lightened by the moonlight he never looked so handsome. He takes one of your hands without looking away. Your hair looks messy and your nose is red, it's always red when it's cold. He notices how you can't stop moving your leg, he's learned so much about you to know that means you're nervous or anxious.

Now you're looking at his hurt lips, it's not bad as you had no strength on your arms. Thank God for my weakness for once.

He pulls you closer. So close that you feel his breath against your nose, he smells like cigarette and mint gum, plus something else. Is that lavender shampoo?

"Don't worry doll, I'm fine. But I gotta say, you have some amazing qualities, maybe I can hire you as a bodyguard.” You laugh, ending the eye contact, but he searches for your eyes again. He helps you stand not letting go of your hand and starts playing with your fingers. You never believed in the whole butterflies in your stomach thing and still didn't because you were feeling something more like demodogs running around.

"I'm really sorry I thought- doesn't matter I shouldn't have done it, sorry Edds" Eddie smiles recognizing that Edds was a new nickname for him. One of the many things he liked about you is the fact that you always find something cute and funny to call him. It made him feel good, like he was important to you. Suddenly, the wind goes feral, and he pulls you closer in a hug, covering your face on his chest so dirt won't get on your eyes. You hug him too. He was wearing his denim vest over his leather jacket to provide him more warmth so you shove your hands between the jacket and the vest, closing them together. Holding him tight.

When the wind stops you just let him go a little, putting your hands on his hips. He tenses nervously and stops the hug grabbing both sides of you, not letting you go. You blink a little as some dirt did get on your eyes only to be back being face to face. He's biting his lips and in that moment you realize that his hair is covered in leaves. The red and orange colors of the season made him look like an old, enchanted Prince. Fall colors suit him.

"You need to trim your bangs or you would not be able to see anymore" you put some leaves off his hair and adjust his bangs to see his face better.

"Of course I do Princess, not a chance I won't be seeing that beautiful face of yours" he holds your nose with two of his fingers, like when you're messing with a baby saying you stole its nose. In response you scrunch your nose making him laugh.

"This is not happening Eddie! My sister's out of limits. You're crossing a line here, fuck you're so ahead of the line you're not even seeing the line!" Dustin's anger grew with every word he said. You weren't expecting his jealousy, you weren't doing anything.

You were sitting on the table with Eddie between your legs and a pair of scissors in hand. He made you promise that you would cut his bangs because he didn’t trust anyone else to touch his hair.

"What if I fucked up and you end up looking like Molly Ringwald" you were finish but nervous. He had the most beautiful wavy hair, it fit him. It was part of his personality including the bangs. He looked like a rockstar with it and if he didn’t what you did could end up bad.

"I know you would never do something that I don't like, baby" he was barely one inch of distance from your face, looking so mesmerizing and well, perfect.

"What the fuck is happening here" suddenly Dustin, Mike and Lucas entered the room. You hop off the table and look at them. Your brother was pissed.

"Come on Dustin, you can't tell me that you didn’t know" Mike was trying to calm him down but it wasn’t working, he was focused on you and Eddie standing awkwardly next to each other.

"You knew?!"

"I mean yeah, they're not trying to be subtle" Lucas answers, throwing the attention to him. He was calmed with the signature Lucas’ temple, while you on the other hand were panicking.

"Does Steve knows you're banging our sister?" Dustin is pointing at Eddie and you roll your eyes in exasperation.

"What does Steve have to do with anything?"

"What do you mean? He's basically family, you can't be going around betraying family Y/N!"

"Betraying who?! Why are you acting like this? You introduced us! You wanted us to be friends!"

"Key word, friends!" Everyone was exchanging looks between you and your brother listening to everything you both had to say. Eddie just stood there, arms crossed, waiting for Dustin to finish so he could speak. "Eddie doesn’t do relationships and you'll end up hurt!"

"That's enough Henderson '' was the first thing Eddie had said. He looks hurt, but his words are firm. "We are not in a relationship-"

"See! You can't tell me that doesn’t hurt you"

"Dustin please" Eddie begs "Calm your pants, there is no funny business here. We haven't even kissed! Listen, if I end up hurting your sister you can beat the shit out of me but don't pass judgment when I, Eddie Munson, Dungeon Master, have only honorable intentions". Eddie puts his hands on his heart as if he was doing a legendary oath. He bows at Dustin with an arm extended and the other still on his heart.

"Fine. But you're meeting my mom. And Steve. I swear to God Eddie Munson that if I see my sister tear even a little bit because of you, I'll end you"

Eddie looks at you and smiles with his lips closed. More like a smirk with amusement. He remembers that was the treat you used and even though it had been wholesome to stand up for you and this thing happening, he took your brother's words very seriously.

"Wow, your brother do be dramatic sweetheart"

"Says you"

You and Eddie were walking towards your house, after Hellfire finished and drop the kids at their houses, you wanted to take a walk, just to smooth things over. It was true, many times you've encouraged yourself to make the first move and kiss him. But the timing was wrong, so yeah, you haven’t even kissed yet. Your insecurities sometimes win the battle, and you were afraid you'd lose him. His company was like a breath of fresh air on your lungs and if anything were to happen between you, you wanted it to be real. As much real as he is. If life just wants us to be friends, then so be it.

It wasn’t easier for him, sometimes he would find himself thinking about you in random situations. It was ridiculous how he linked even the smallest things to you. Like the other day his uncle gave him an apple to take to school for lunch and when he was sitting with his friends in his usual place, he remembered that you love apples but hate eating them in the morning. You have the habit of smelling your food before taking a bite, but only when you’re about to have the first bite, after you eat normally. Your favorite color is blue, so now he wants to get you all the curious things that don't usually come in blue and see the excitement in your eyes as you see them. You do a little fist dance when you're happy and he is willing to give everything he owns as long as he sees you do your fist dance. But what if one day she realizes she's too good for me.

"Listen, I know this… you and me- I mean us. Not that I'm saying there is actually an us not like we're getting married That's crazy- but not like you're a bad catch or anything just. Jesus H Crist Eddie breathe" at this point you're sensing he's talking to himself and not you, he's playing with his skull ring, turning it around and putting it on and off. "OK doll I'm just gonna say it. I don't have much, I might not be much, but would you give me the honor to go on a date? With me. This Friday"

You’re speechless but your cheeks hurt because of how hard you're smiling. This was it; this was the moment. Honestly you were a little surprised he did it 4 hours after Dustin had created a scene putting you on the spot. He’s still playing with his ring waiting for your answer thinking that he already fuck up and has ruined it his chance to even continue your friendship.

You slowly walk to be closer; he took a deep breath. Only like 5 seconds have passed yet he feels it like years. His hair right now looked like a fluffy mess, he had been goofing around to make you laugh the entire walk. He was taller than you but not by much, you do a typical tip toe and give him a little kiss on the lips, barely touching him, still you feel a rush warm through your entire body.

“Holy mother of God is that a yes” he poked at your cheek, his eyes flashing with a special light, he was no longer anxious even if you rejected him right there and there, he’d still have the memory of your lips touching his.

“Yes” your voice came out squeakier than you wanted it, but you were excited, couldn’t even speak anymore.

And there it is, the tiny fist dance.

“Explain to me, why am I here again?” Steve is laying down on your bed playing with your stuffed giraffe, looking incredibly bored.

“For moral support dingus!”

“What moral support does she need?! They already like each other. You never go to my house when I have a date”.

“That’s because we’d have to be there every day”

Entering your room, you found him looking into your drawers. Steve had all your confidence; he was a sweet boy to whom you’d trust your life and the life of your beloved but never would change your clothes in front of him. It was your fourth change of outfit and safe to say your friends were exasperated. They ask you many times if Eddie had told you the plans, but he didn’t. You asked several times, but he insisted that you were ruinning the surprise.

“Not to sound weird or anything but I think that’s the best one, you look beautiful” Steve smiled at you and encouraged Robin to tell you something. They were your ride or die, after saving the world safe to say your bond grew stronger, nevertheless, your love language were actions, not words. Maybe was because all the trauma that teach you how a simple action could demonstrate more than any word.

“Yeah Y/N you should totally go with that one” one look in the mirror and maybe they were right. Denim skirt with a baby blue turtleneck sweater and a long black jacket. To fight the cold, you add black stockings and your boots. The wind had been crazy so you decided to control your crazy curls on a high ponytail, just a touch of mascara and some accessories like a simple necklace and rings and you were done. Yeah, they were right, this was the perfect fit.

Meanwhile Eddie was having an existential crisis almost to the point of a meltdown. He was so excited about your first date he told everything to Wayne. His uncle gave him a little talk on how to treat you, told him to maybe buy you some flowers and insisted on not to dress like a "priest worst nightmare for a day". Hence the meltdown; Eddie could tell Wayne was excited about him being serious for a girl so much, that he ironed a green shirt for him to wear. He stood up looking in the mirror. The shirt embraced his body super well but he felt uncomfortable, incredibly uncomfortable.

"I… look… absolutely… ridiculous" he unbotted the shirt quickly. He needed a new perspective. Why on earth did he have to ask you out of the blue? He could've waited and maybe buy a decent shirt, or shoes, or pants; maybe the whole fit. Oh my God did he need to cut his hair? Or maybe tie it in a ponytail? And he did tie it but the disastrous result was worse. For a change of perspective he decided to play safe and lost all credibility. Max’s trailer was a couple of steps from his, she was sarcastic and a little mean but you love her so that should help.

She wasn’t in a good mood when he knocked the door but at the end she was willing to help. Max reassured Eddie how much you like him for being him. She scolded him for worrying so much about the clothes and not you, although she secretly thought it was cute.

“Thanks Red, you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah just a headache, take care of Y/N ok?” Max doesn't hesitate to close the door and Eddie checks his clock, well now he was almost late. At the end he was dressed like himself, he chose a blueish Black Sabbath shirt, the more subtle he could find, black jeans, not ripped this time, but a little more tight. Finally he took the best jacket he had and drove to your house.

“They know I can see their little heads on the window, right?” With no shame, Robin waves his hand and Steve stops her inciating what you were sure would be a two hour fight.

“Yeah they do, let’s go” You enter the car and wait for Eddie. “So what are we doing on this fine evening Edds?”

“Well m’lady I’m gonna take you to the best record store around, you’re gonna go nuts” he started rambling. During your shift at family video was when you started to get nervous, amazing how everything goes normally except the hours when you’re expecting something. The excitement of the first date it’s always magical, gets special if it is with someone you clicked; that person for you is Eddie. He shows his genuine self around you and not only the defensive personality that he created in order to fight those who annoyed him; at heart he was kind and caring, that was obvious to you since you noticed how he “recruited” freshmans that didn’t fit Hawkins High standards and were straight the road of being bullied. His soul was honest and pure. For him taking you to a place he loved meant a lot because he wasn't taking just his interest in consideration but yours, you once mention how much you hate not having a good place in Hawkins to go buy records. It would’ve been so easy to take you to the movies or just to dinner instead of taking the road.

“Why did you bring me here?” Once there you two started to wander around, he had his walkman ready specifically for you to listen to whatever you wanted to try, more than one hour passed without notice.

“Well princess, believe it or not I have the ability of paying attention. You wanted to buy some stuff so I bring you here; plus going to the movies is so no my style”

“I mean yeah but you don’t know my taste of music”

“What do you mean, yes I do” Camelot Music had an amazing selection of music that was not for everybody, so much that they only had a corner dedicated to popular music. “Oh no please don’t go into the dark corner, my heart will not be able to take it”

Eddie gets down on his knees holding your hands saying he has his heart broken.

“Would it be that bad if I’d like the Beatles or I don't know Madonna?”

“It would take some points” He was still on the floor batting his eyelashes looking like a child in the middle of getting ice cream after a tantrum. You help him get to stand and proceed to cover his eyes. “Are you gonna murder me?”

“No, but I’m gonna play you a song by my favorite band. But you have to promise to keep your eyes closed” his skin is so soft you take your time to fondle every part of it. His heart’s fast beating was heavier than any metal song he ever recalled hearing.

“Alright princess I promise” you can’t help but give him a little tiny kiss on the tip of his nose. He looked adorable with a soft smile and red cheeks.

You hurry and put the headset on him, letting the music start, he tilts his head in surprise and asks for permission to open his eyes. He was relieved you didn’t put in some lame music but was rather confused by the style of the song, still he heard it until the last second while you were walking around and he stared at you. After the song finished, he took your hand and guided you outside the store with the excuse that it was time to eat.

You hadn’t seen one single place to eat on the way there, he walked to the car and opened the trunk revealing some snacks and a couple of sodas and beers. You jump excited as he explains that you were gonna eat watching the stars in the parking lot of the store; with perfect organization a pizza delivery boy parks and walks directly to Eddie.

“So, you’re into the happy sad music movement eh?”

“I guess you can say so, I have a more flexible taste in music than you. And I don’t know, I like The Smiths, they speak to my soul. I mean do you ever hear a song and not only can you relate but actually feel the chords, the lyrics… everything?”

“To be honest I think I’ve never heard someone said something I can relate more, it’s scary doll”

The conversation was going great as always but way more intimate, you finished eating and were just laying on the little blanket talking about everything and anything, playing with each other's fingers and laughing so hard at moments. It started to freeze, everything was already packed to get the road back home.

His gaze was intense, he wasn’t gonna let you make the first move, not again. He holds you, putting his hands on your hips and pulling you closer, you throw your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers with his hair when he finally closes the space between and kisses you.

In that precise moment you felt as if you were floating, his lips were soft and gentle. You were waiting for this moment and it was perfect, the kiss was getting intense before he took a final bite at your bottom lip making you smile. He moves his head to put your foreheads together and smiles. A kiss to your cheek, your forehead and your nose to seal the deal.

“I want you to know that I’m all in baby, I’m all in. I’ll hear every happy sad song you show me for the rest of my days or as long as you let me”

Let me know if you like it and if I should post part 3 (like a final)

#stranger things fic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fix it fic #eddie munson fic

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nicoline1998enilocin · 1 year

Text

Yours, Forever | Chapter 7

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 3.1K

SUMMARY | After three months in Italy, Y/N was finally back home in New York, but things don't go according to plan. When Bucky comes back from a particularly bad mission, he is avoiding anything and everyone, until he gets pushed to his breaking point and Y/N has to pay the price for his mistake.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, violence (choking), mental health struggles.

A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series masterlist | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8

The last day of the Italy trip had arrived, and both Y/N and Eve were sad to see their 3 month vacation come to an end, seeing how much fun they had. Once they are at the airport, they have to say goodbye again and it is just as painful as the first time when Y/N left to move to New York. After they said their goodbyes they each went to their respective gates, and waited for their planes to leave. Eve had a short flight ahead, but Y/N knew she was in for a long one and couldn't wait to see Bucky again, to cuddle him for as long as they possibly could, to kiss his perfect lips again until they can't think straight anymore. The flight goes without problems and little turbulence, and she even manages to finish 2 books she had downloaded onto her Kindle, so she made a mental note to update her reading goal of this year.

She got off the plane and texted her dad she arrived safe and would come see him later when she had the chance, she had a lot to catch up on with him, and ofcourse a lot of photos to to show him as well. Once she found her suitcases she moved into the arrival hall with a huge smile on her face, in the hopes to see her boyfriend again, but it dropped as soon as she saw Steve, not Bucky. ''Well, I'm happy to see you too!'' Steve said joking as he came up to her with his arms spread so he could take her in his arms and give him one of the bear hugs she loved so much. ''Sorry, I was expecting Bucky, he said he would be here, that's all. But I'm happy to see you too, you know that right?!'' she said, and looked behind Steve expectingly, to see who we was talking to earlier.

''Didn't know you needed a babysitter to get out of the compound, Rogers!'' Y/N joked when she looked at the man behind him, walking up to him with her hand stretched out. ''Hi, I'm Y/N, I'll be Steve's colleague soon when I start working for S.I. and Tony.'' she introduced herself. ''Uh, hi! I'm Lucas, Steve is my-'' ''Friend! He's just my friend.'' Steve quickly said, he didn't want anyone to know he has a boyfriend yet, since they only started dating a few weeks ago. And after all, he only came with him because he had no other choice, since Bucky mentioned last minute he was supposed to pick her up at the airport and they were in the middle of a date. ''Well, it's nice to meet you, Lucas!'' but Y/N already put 2 and 2 together that they were together. The crimson color on Steve's cheeks didn't make it hard to guess.

''Steve, why is Bucky not here? He specifically told me he would be the one picking me up today...'' she asked, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer. ''The team got called out on a last minute mission for a few days, so he asked my to pick you up since I'm still not cleared for field work yet.'' he explained. Both Lucas and Steve took one of Y/N's suitcases after some protest, but they insisted so she just went with it. Once they were almost at the car, Y/N said ''it's okay if you sit in the front Lucas, my legs aren't as long as yours anyway so you could use the leg room.'' with a knowing wink to Steve, and he felt a little relieved when he saw that. They got in the front and he immediately put his hand on Lucas' thigh as he drove them home, and Y/N couldn't be happier for him, he deserves it. The ride was silent, but she didn't mind after such a long flight, she couldn't wait to see her bed again.

Steve drove them to the Avengers Compound like Tony had asked, so she could sleep at his place and be there with Pepper, that way she didn't have to be alone on the first few nights back. ''Hey Pepper, how is my favorite momma to be doing today?'' she said and smiled at her when she saw her round belly again. ''Actually, you're just on time, she just kicked again for the first time in a few days, and you'll be the first to feel it, even before Tony!'' she beamed at her, and put Y/N's hand on the place where she could feel the baby kick. It was such an amazing feeling, and Y/N honestly couldn't wait to experience a life growing inside of herself one day. It would never cease to amaze her what the human body was capable of.

''My god, this feels amazing. Does Tony know she kicked at all, or are you going to wait to tell him?'' ''He does know she kicked already, and told me specifically not to let anyone feel the kicks before he got the chance, but I just can't say no to you!'' Pepper laughed, making the baby kick again. The two ladies get comfortable on the couch, Pepper with a glass of water and Y/N with a glass of white wine, she felt like she deserved one after the trip she just had. ''I have to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone! Steve just picked me up from the airport and apparently he has a boyfriend! He came along, but the weird thing is that when he wanted to introduce himself as Steve's boyfriend, Steve quickly said he's his friend...'' It's a good thing she knows him by now and she knows Pepper won't tell anyone, but Y/N really had to tell someone.

A few days later, the entire team comes back from their mission, and Steve and Y/N decided to wait for them in the hangar where the Quinjet would land, so they could both welcome them home. They landed it safely and as soon as the ramp opened, everyone came running towards Y/N for the hugs they so desperately needed and she was so willing to give to them now. Everyone, except the person she wanted to see the most, Bucky. He didn't even look at them but instead just walked straight into the Compound without saying a word. ''Sam? What's going on with Bucky?'' she asked carefully, but she felt a stinging sensation in her chest because he didn't even care enough to look at her. ''I don't know, he was the same as always when you're not there. He was still this staring machine we all know and love.'' he said, but his brows were furrowed in worry now. This wasn't like Bucky, and all of them were wondering what was going on.

The next week doesn't change anything, Bucky just keeps himself locked in his room, this mission hit him harder than he thought it would, he should've just listened to Tony and stayed home. He knew this was gonna be a hard mission with his past with HYDRA, but he didn't want to admit it. And now he is locked in his own room, not willing to come out for anything or anyone, just alone with his own thoughts and nightmares. With the flashbacks that have taken him over completely. He doesn't notice when he gets texts or calls, he doesn't answer the door when someone is there. Not when Steve knocked, not when Y/N was there to talk to him. He didn't care about anything else, he just wanted all the thoughts and nightmares to stop. He wanted to stop crying but he couldn't, this mission had proven to be too much for Bucky.

After yet another week, Y/N comes up to his door and bangs on it, hard. She can't take it anymore and demands to be let into his room, this isn't healthy she says. ''Bucky, please. This isn't good for you, and we miss you man. Hell, I miss you the most. I just wanna see my boyfriend, I wanna be there for you. WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I JUST WANNA HELP? Why doesn't that get through your thick skull?!'' she said, and that was a step too far for Bucky. He stormed out of his room and grabbed Y/N at her throat with his vibranium hand, squeezing harder than he intended but he just wanted her to stop talking. Steve and Tony heard something and came running into the hallway and went for Bucky and Y/N when they saw what was happening.

''BUCKY, WHAT THE FUCK! YOU'RE FUCKING HURTING HER!'' Steve yelled when he pulled Bucky off of Y/N with a firm tug, and they both fell back into his room. She collapsed onto her knees and tried to crawl away from him when Tony picked her up. ''It's okay honey, you're okay now. I won't let him hurt you, don't you worry about that.'' he said softly, reassuring her while trying to sooth her when she's crying and struggling to breathe. ''I'll take her to the medbay, please make sure he doesn't go anywhere near her Rogers!'' Tony said while rushing her off to see Bruce. When he was looking over Y/N Tony was calling Pepper and telling her what happened, saying that Y/N would be staying with them for a while longer, because he doesn't trust her anywhere around the Compound by herself right now.

As soon as Bucky pushed her against the wall, he immediately regretted his action, but his brain short circuited and he couldn't let go of Y/N. He had a release for his pent up anger, and was glad when Steve pulled him off of her, because God knows he couldn't have done it himself. He cried for hours and hours afterwards, not being able to comprehend the fact that he took his anger out on his perfect girlfriend. Although, he wasn't sure that's what he could call her now. Not after what he just did, and he couldn't wrap his head around why. He fucked up the one good thing in his life he had going for him since escaping HYDRA, since being back from Wakanda and having the Winter Soldier erased from him. But deep down he knew he would always be there, and this proved just that. He knew he didn't deserve her, but this is something he never meant to do. When he opened his bedroom door to go to the gym to get his anger out, he saw something silver shining on the floor. Y/N's necklace, he accidentally ripped it off her neck.

Bruce decided it would be the best to keep Y/N sedated for a little bit, in order for the pain medication to do it's work and for her to be able to breathe a little bit without pain. There are deep purple marks around her neck, wrapping almost all the way around, and she had a nasty head wound from where Bucky pushed her hard into the wall. ''I just don't fucking get why he would hurt her like that. She doesn't deserve this.'' Tony said to her dad, who he called too. He knew that the only other person she would want to have there, is her dad. ''Hey sunshine, it's dad. I'm not sure you can hear me, but I want you to know that I love you, so incredibly much. Tony called and I dropped everything, I literally dropped the apple pie I was making,'' he said laughing through his tears. ''You're safe now sunshine, everything is going to be okay.'' he said before he couldn't hold himself together any longer and started sobbing with his head on her hand, which he was holding with both hands.

When Y/N woke up, her dad and Tony were there, and she was happy to see the both of them, but at the same time she was in a lot of pain as well. ''Hey sunshine, it's okay. You don't have to talk, I know it hurts.'' her dad said with a soothing voice as he looked up to her. ''I have talked it over with Tony and we decided it is smart if you live with him and Pepper for a little while, so you can get back in the rhythm of work again once you're ready.'' and all she could do was give a small nod. ''I already got some of your clothes there, and some of your personal belongings like your laptop, iPad, some of your favorite books and a few photos, so you can make it a bit more like home.'' he said. Her dad gave her a kiss on her forehead and with a last 'I love you sunshine' he walked out the door and went back to the bakery, his heart feeling heavy in his chest.

It took about a week for Y/N to fully be settled into Tony and Pepper's house, which she would call home for the foreseeable future. She slowly got back into work, for now just working a few hours a day from home with Tony. The two of them took great care of her, and her dad visited most nights of the week after work. ''Hey sunshine, I'm happy to see you again!'' he said, and he was earlier than expected so he could join them for dinner. ''Hi dad.'' she said in a soft voice and a little smile. It broke his heart to see his little girl like this, but he's eternally grateful she's still alive, he even brought her favorite treat for dessert, his chocolate and caramel brownies.

After two weeks at their house, Y/N got a little restless and wanted to go back to the office again, even if it was just as an excuse to get out of the house. She didn't really want to see anybody there, the only one she could stand to see was Tony, and maybe Steve, but not the rest of them. When they get called in for an emergency meeting by Fury, they don't have a choice but to go. Tony doesn't want to leave Y/N alone, so she comes too. They walk into the conference room and to Y/N's delight, it's only Fury there. ''Hi Nick, how are you?'' she asks softly, and he can't believe what he's seeing. ''What the fuck happened here Y/N? You know I don't like my favorite person hurt like that?!'' Fury said, and Y/N couldn't help but smile when he said that. She loves the fact that a tough guy like Fury has such a soft spot for her. ''It's nothing, Nick. I'm fine now. It's just the bruising that has to go down, but it doesn't hurt anymore.''

''Fine? That doesn't look 'fine' to me. Who did this to you? Because I will personally and the motherfucker responsible for hurting you.'' Fury growled. ''Please don't, it has been handled. I promise!'' Y/N exclaimed, even though Bucky hurt her, he doesn't want any of that to happen to him. She feels like she deserved it, she had pushed him past his limit anyway. He didn't want to see her, and she shouldn't have bothered him. ''How is everything going at S.H.I.E.L.D.?'' Y/N asked, trying to change the topic, because she was not really comfortable talking about it. ''As long as everything still goes to shit I still have a job, so can't complain.'' he said, and he touched her arm with a soft, reassuring squeeze, letting her know he was on her side.

Slowly the Avengers walked into the room, and they were relieved when they saw Y/N was there, but they were worried that she wasn't her normal, cheerful self. Even though everyone knew what happened, nobody mentioned it, most of them just said hi or waved at her, until Steve came in. He walked straight up to her, asking for a hug. ''Is it okay if I hug you, Y/N? I just need to make sure you're still okay.'' and she agreed reluctantly. She wasn't in a hugging mood, but she didn't want to say no to Steve. Even though she didn't really hug him back, he still said how happy he was to see she was okay, before letting her go. Bucky walked into the room last, still looking a lot worse for wear, and Y/N immediately flinched at the look of him and went to stand behind Steve. ''It's okay, he won't hurt you again,'' Steve reassured her, keeping both his hands on her behind has back.

The moment Bucky walks into the conference room, he notices all eyes were looking to the front of the room, where he saw Y/N. They made eye contact and she flinched and quickly hid behind Steve when she saw him. He couldn't believe that he did that to her, he saw the purple handprint around her neck and his eyes were filled with regret. He sat down at the far end of the table and the briefing started, but all he noticed was Y/N, and the tears streaming down her face while Tony held her close and rubbed her back soothingly. He should be the one soothing her, not Tony. But he fucked that up when he attacked her, when he almost choked the life out of his precious doll. When the briefing was over, everyone slowly left the conference room, but Bucky stayed behind. ''Doll, can I just talk to you for a minute? I want to tell you how sorry-'' he started, but quickly got cut off by Tony.

''You don't get to call her doll anymore. You lost any and all privilege of that when you decided to hurt the one person who cared more for you than you could even imagine. When you hurt the woman who loved, hell, still loves you more than anything, but you had to go and fuck that up, didn't you? Because for some fucking reason, you can't see a good thing when it's right in front of you!'' Tony said, and Bucky got mad at him. ''You don't get to talk to me like that Stark. I would choose your next words carefully, or you'll be next.'' Bucky threatened him, and in his anger he punched the wall with his vibranium arm. This made Y/N flinch again and made her cry even harder, letting out long, hard sobs when she was held by Steve, in the safety of his arms. Bucky's gut just got filled with more and more regret when he saw that.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes

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