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#i give up on consistently tagging lol my tagging system is too much
mimithealpaca · 4 months
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anthy, let your wife have at least ONE cookie > 3 >), it's her B I R T H D A Y
i missed uraraka's birthday, but it would be a SIN to miss utena's birthday! 誕生日おめでとう、天上ウテナ!!!
also, this is a callback to "cookies for breakfast"
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the version i had to make for insta that i might as well throw here too. hate how that site forces 1:1 ratio asdfasdfdas
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ricksanchezbignaturals · 10 months
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↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ daily click for palestine ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
☆profile picture by @piki-miki !!☆
ok tldr: this is my main blog but the rick and morty hyperfixation hit hard so that's most of what i post. there's other fandoms too, just not as often. as for non fandom things ive got queer, leftist, neurodivergent, mental illness shit as well as random memes/shitposts/etc that i find funny.
i tag posts with [media] [character] [ship] and relevant attributes like autistic [character] or trans [character]. totally ask if you want me to tag something, but at the moment i don't trigger tag anything consistently. so uh blanket content warning for this blog (and a list of fandoms and some stuff about me) under the cut.
content warning: nothing extreme enough to piss off tumblr, but there is very suggestive art and general "horny about that old man" vibes. slurs like f*****, d***, t*****, and r*******, and maybe others that i don't remember. discussions or depictions of homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, ableism, racism, classism, possibly some other bigotries that im not thinking of. canon typical content (like gore, death, probably some in poor taste jokes coming from rnm). loads loads loads of mental health things, suicide, self harm, smoking/drinking/drug use and addiction, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, ocd, adhd, autism, overstimulation, meltdowns, dissociation, gender dysphoria
basically i think the content warning can be boiled down to this: anything that happens in rick and morty, bojack horseman, or disco elysium can show up on this blog.
i do not ship rick and morty together but a lot of ship art just looks like regular fanart if you don't know any better so it's possible that ive reblogged something r1ck0rty before without realizing.
i do ship jerrick and rickcest and like to reblog that kind of ship art. i don't consider those ships to be incestuous but i know some people do so i figured id give you a heads up.
☆fandoms in varying degrees of frequency☆
~smiling friends~
~rick and morty~
~cyberpunk 2077~
~king of the hill~
~disco elysium~
~gravity falls~
~seinfeld~
~bob's burgers~
~solar opposites~
~bojack horseman~
☆about me☆
im 21, autistic, and very mentally unwell.
ive got a long time special interest in cats.
big fan of caffeine, nicotine and weed. love me some substances but my stomach is so sensitive that getting drunk and especially getting hungover feels like the whole ass organ is trying to die and take me down with it.
pretty much as far left as you can get without actually reading theory or doing anything lol. i spend every day rotting in bed so im not exactly out there fighting the system.
very queer. bi or pan, idrk which but that doesn't matter to me personally. im whichever one i need to be at any given moment to piss off people saying dumb shit like "bisexuals don't date enbies" or "pansexuality isn't real" or whatever.
a lot of labels fit my gender. im a male-ish, demiboy, nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, transmasc with an interest in more obscure identities that the internet circa 2016 had me shying away from.
as of february 2024 im 3 years on t!
but yeah, that's all i got for now. asks and dms are open, you're welcome to just drop in my messages and start talking about rnm or whatever. im no therapist but if you need someone to listen or commiserate in mentally ill solidarity, im here.
🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
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doublegoblin · 1 year
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Writer positivity tag
Thanks @lola-theshowgrl for the tag, thinkin we could all do with a little more positivity!
1. What motivates you to write?
Well you've got the good of fulfilling a creative need/want. The sense of "oh man I wish I could do that" and then just actually doing it. And adding something to the world that maybe somebody else might enjoy.
But, there's also the reasoning of helping me work through some stuff and keeping me grounded when the brain juice machine breaks. I picked writing up more consistently when I was between jobs and in a pretty dark place. Also when I am feeling overstimulated or just there is just T O O M U C H going on, I can slip away and guide that energy towards something rather than letting it sit and cause my atoms to vibrate out of existence.
2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)
So this is from the second story with Hank and Mikey, idk, when I was writing it out I couldn't help but giggle. I did change it a little as the flow wasn't quite right before.
~
As the man’s head slowly loomed down into view his expression changed from a confident sneer to a confused frown. Pointed right between his eyes was the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun. His eyes traced it up to the hand holding it, up the arm, then all the way to Hanks beet red face and burning eyes. 
“I-” the man started to say.
“Merry Christmas, get the fuck out.”
~
3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?
Hank/Mikey. I don't write too much about them, as they are pretty recent. But, they are just a couple of dudes who love each other and weird shit just keeps happening to them. They occupy a place in my writing brain when I want to write something spooky but silly, where the victim ends up being the monster causing the problem.
They aren't monster hunters or anything, they just get out of dodge by pure dumb-shit luck. Like hitting a monstrous deer with a baseball bat.
4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?
Starting with an idea and then just having the characters take it over and watching where it all goes from there. Also, making accidental metaphors, there have been a couple of times I've gotten done writing and had a lightbulb moment of "oh I did something there without thinking"
An example: When Alex goes to see Dave they transmute their body into a porcelain like material. I had originally thought of it like a doll and doll master thing, but Dave is a being or more order and regulations and the porcelain could represent the outwardly beautiful but ultimately very fragile nature of order and laws.
5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)
I think I write pretty decent dialogue. Maybe not the most profound but I feel like I get the timing and flow of a natural conversation pretty well. If anything else I let the character of the, well, character come through in their words.
6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?
Honestly I really like these tag games, they keep me on my toes and actually writing. That and it gives me a chance to put little tidbits out there for people to see and maybe come check me out.
7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)
Bruh I just use google docs so lol idk. If I had to answer, laptop. It frees up a lot of space and ability to do my own thing when my partner wants to use the computer.
8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)
It is super simple but how is Rituals and Red Tape, the eldritch cults/nature of the The Board is only comprehensible to those under them as a big ass office culture. They are not your master but your Boss and you aren't a cult member you are an employee. I don't think I'll end up going into too great of detail in the writing but this is based on a misunderstanding between The Board and their first batch of Dreamers, and it just kind of has continued on like that because it works for everyone.
9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?
Write slop. Write actual garbage. It doesn't ever have to see the light of day or even the next automatic saving. But, if you are trying to commit to working on a project, the moment you start to lose that drive to write, STOP. I've often closed the document mid sentence or even mid word. Just save it, and close it, don't debate, just close.
10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters
@asterhaze @dragonscantbetamed @monstrousfreedom @tailoroffates @toribookworm22 - and as always anyone else who wants to added some positivity into their world.
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jamieanovels · 1 year
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Writer Tag Game !!
tagged by the lovely @mjjune <3
soft tagging: @kaiusvnoir @muddshadow @thetruearchmagos and anyone else who would like to do this :)
answers under the cut!
Do you write in order?
Yes. I have to, lmao, or else my brain goes NOPE and gives up on the entire book lol. I can do some heavy scene work on the last few scenes I wrote (2-3, give or take), but apart from that, I save any heavy-duty editing for after I've finished my first draft.
Do you start with something in particular?
Ideas wise? No, it can be anything. Usually, though, it's a theme or message of some kind and then I built around that.
In terms of the actual draft, though, yes. I always want to start with a strong line that tells the reader as much as I can about the character/plot/theme. Back in college, I had a professor for a Jane Austen class who had us memorize the first lines of every book we read for the course. She said that the first line of any book should always tell you as much as possible about the book itself, and that's always stuck with me.
How fully formed does your writing come out the first try?
This has changed over the years, haha. I used to say probably 90%, simply because I wouldn't do much with my finished draft and just move on to the next thing lol.
Now, as I'm trying to seriously move toward actually publishing, I think I probably land around 60-70%? I'm an overwriter, so for tea cow, I expect that once I finish my draft, most of my editing process will be cutting unnecessary words and making things a lot more concise. But the story beats are there already.
How many drafts do you go through?
2-3 before beta readers. I've never gotten past that stage, though, so no idea after that lol.
Tell me about your process?
My writing process is split into four phases: brainstorming/worldbuilding, outlining, writing, and editing.
During the brainstorming/worldbuilding phase, I create a document and just start putting ideas in there. For fantasy, I make sure to spend extra time on the magic system, setting, and any other salient details specific to that world. This process can range from a few days to months, depending on how complex the story is.
In the outlining phase, I take what I liked from the brainstorming phase and put it together into an actual cohesive story. Usually, I summarize what I want to happen in each section of the story, and then I bullet point "milestones," or things that need to happen/be foreshadowed, for each section. Depending on how good of a job I did during the brainstorming phase, this usually takes a day to a few days.
Once I have an outline, I start writing. Each chapter should feature at least one milestone. I also leave myself a Little wiggle room to change things if I feel like they fit the plot better. I've added a few scenes into tea cow that weren't in its outline, but overall, I've stuck to all of its original story beats. The writing phase can take me months to years because I am Lazy. Tea cow is going fairly fast, landing at around 6 months since I started writing, and that's mostly because of procrastination lol
When I'm finished drafting, I go back to the beginning and start line editing. Based on what I've done in the past, I usually do a full line edit all the way through (proofreading and just editing for general readability). Once I'm done with the line-edit, I make any consistency edits and/or heavier scene changes based on anything I've noted while line-editing. Line editing doesn't take me too long, usually a week at most, but scene changes take longer.
After this full process, I'll start looking for beta readers, and then make any adjustments that I feel would make the story better based on their feedback. I haven't gotten to this phase in so damn long that idk if I would still approach it the same, but we shall see ;)
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rebloggingrexan · 2 years
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My Dracula Daily tags
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Heyo! Big time Dracula Daily reblogger here (for the moment. i have no clue if i’ll stick with it the whole time, but chances are looking good right now. and i reblog other stuff too, even though Dracula Daily is the laaaaarge majority at the moment). feel free to follow or just to look for certain posts using my tags. like i said, big time reblogger (and i try to stay organized and consistent with the tags!). Draculadailytracker, Cattuladaily, ourgoodfriendjonathan, draculadailyreactions, and atundratoadstool are good blogs to check out too!
SO WHAT ON EARTH IS DRACULA DAILY?
‘tis a daily (kinda daily) newsletter that syncs up to when Dracula characters are doing shenanigans through the year! (or are, uh, not quite shenanigan-ing and are actually quite... dying-ing)
like, literally, it’s the 1897 novel by Bram Stoker we’re talking about here. runs from early May to some point in November idk exactly when it ends and i like it that way
you can sign up HERE and you can check out past installments HERE!
TABLE OF CONTENTS (order of sections)
IMPORTANT TAGS
ART(hur Holmwood) (i kid) (just art)
Quick character tags for convenience (LINKS LEAD TO SPOILERS, but no spoiler characters in this section! hoping to make a separate but more complete [and spoilery] character name masterpost)
BY DATE (the big one!!)
some bonus tags
IMPORTANT TAGS
(and if i miss putting any tags on a post -- or multiple posts! -- absolutely do feel free to pop me an ask or a message pointing them out. i’m trying to be organized here! :p)
• #dracula daily for pretty much all the vampire content, with few exceptions, even if not specifically Bram-Stoker-Dracula-related. if you were already following me before my Dracula Daily hype, you can block this tag. no offense taken lol
• #dracula spoilers is a tag you may want to block; it’s both for things that haven't yet been mentioned in Dracula Daily + posts that have multiple dates on them and are spoilery. e.g. if you want to look at the 3 May posts but there's also a mention of something from 5 May that might be a surprise, i'll toss the spoilers tag on there.
• #dracula important is a handful of posts that are both helpful links to things, such as a podcast that republished their work in the order of Dracula Daily in case you don’t have a chance to read the text itself (can be helpful for the longer entries and busier weeks), as well as posts that give historical context and let you know when Bram Stoker’s being especially racist or sexist in ways that many readers might miss
• #dracula notable (if you want to check this out but don’t want to get spoiled, be sure to check what date everything refers to. that might be in the header of a post or it might be in the tag label.) this tag is a combination of both especially important information (like, okay, Bram Stoker, who are you maligning today and what should we know about that) + simply some of my favorite posts. so, ’tis a mix of serious and goofs!
• #dracula meta is for background information, like how certain things would have been interpreted at the time of Dracula's publishing, info on Bram Stoker's life, his biases (heads up: RACIST RACIST SEXIST XENOPHOBIC MAN alongside other info too), and info on his thought processes. other related non-Dracula-universe info too. (regarding spoilers, same note as with the "dracula notable" tag: check post headers and tags for dates so you don't get spoiled)
(remember! you do not need to know everything about Bram Stoker’s background to read the story! this tag is a big part for fun / interest! really all you need to know is there are some questionable themes and portrayals in Dracula because of Stoker’s negative biases, but, other than that, you can just enjoy it! :) )
• #dd by itself is my non-Dracula Daily reblogs. i started that system and tag name early on and it's a bit confusing if you think about it for half a second, 'specially given my date-specific tags, but eh, it works
MORE TAGS UNDER CUT!
__________________________
ART(hur Holmwood) (i kid) (just art)
• #artsy dracula for the sincere and pretty stuff
• #dracula art for teh meems
(note that sometimes posts are tagged as both because yay)
QUICK CHARACTER TAGS FOR CONVENIENCE
(not putting spoiler info here lol) in order of appearance!
• #bram stoker (well, he’s the author and he doesn’t do any fourth wall breaking, but i’ll include him here lol)
• #jonathan harker (our good friend!!)
• #count dracula (you know this guy!)
• #mina murray (our good friend’s fiancée!)
• #lucy westenra (our good friend’s fiancée’s good friend!)
• #dr. john seward (a dude in charge of a psych hospital! [note: you don't have to like him. just know that, for the story's context, he is supposed to be a good guy, even if not necessarily a perfect guy])
• #quincey morris (a cool dude!)
• #arthur holmwood (a dude!)
• #r.m. renfield (a notable patient of Dr. Seward’s!)
(• #matt kirkland (creator of the Dracula Daily newsletter!) )
BY DATE
the format here is "dd (date) (month)," so the start of Dracula Daily and a glut of paprika memes would be "dd 3 may," but here, to make things pretty, i'll just list them without the "dd" at the start.
exceptions so far: • September is “sep,” so 3 September is “dd 3 sep”
(i may not stay on top of updating this list of all the dates, but i’ll still be tagging posts correctly!)
• no date (#ddn) (posts that aren’t spoilery and don’t have any other tag, such as those that also aren’t a “dracula meta” post and don’t relate to a specific day.)
BONUS: APRIL
• 21 April • 25 April • 28 April • 30 April (one queued for 2024 lol)
MAY
( “ &* ” just means “i need to get some entries for this date, either because i reblogged very few posts or because i didn’t reblog anything”)
• 3 May (paprika!)
• 4 May (Jonathan gets a rosary and people are scared for him!)
• 5 May (Jonathan meets the count and is served a tasty chicken!)
• 7 May (discussing the count's property in London + Dracula’s just a little guy reading the Bradshaw’s Guide)
• 8 May (RIP in pepperoni Jonathan's foul bauble of man's vanity [i.e. mirror] + Jonathan sees the Count making his bed + the count talks about his family's history and bloodline [here's a GREAT breakdown on all that!])
• 9 May (Mina chattin' with her buddy Lucy!)
• 10 May
• 11 May (Lucy replies to Mina and informs her of a crush!)
MANY OF THE DESCRIPTIONS HAVE SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK
(remember, you can edit the tags in the url or search my blog for the proper dates' tags manually if you don't want to risk being spoiled by descriptions here. again, format is "#dd (date) (month)", like "#dd 15 may", with "dd" meaning "dracula daily")
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• 12 May (Jonathan is scared of the count and sees the first lizard-like crawling!)
• 13 May and 14 May
• 15 May (🦎 LIZARD FASHION 🦎 and Jonathan is trapped then finds an old-fashioned desk!) (this is one of the exceptions to the “dracula spoilers” tag. often if there’s just mention of the count doing some lizard crawling, i’ll put this date’s tag on there lol. “Once more have I seen the Count go out in his lizard fashion.”)
• 16 May (the three vampire ladies!)
• 18 May (ruh-roh our good friend Jonathan's not hallucinating!)
• 19 May (our good friend Jonathan is in the toils! [in which he has to write three letters])
• 24 May (COWBO [sic] AND DOCTOR HOURS AND LUCY HAS QUITE THE DAY)
• 25 May (Seward's first podcast installment [poor Renfield] + Quincey invites Holmwood for drinks)
• 26 May (ART! he has news that shall make ears tingle)
• 27 May 
• 28 May ( [okay, legit, Jonathan is super racist and also uses two really bad slurs. call those groups Romani instead] Jonathan tries to send some letters with the help of some Romani outside the castle!)
• 30 May
• 31 May (ruh-roh! our good friend’s papers, writing utensils, travel info, and the clothes he traveled in have disappeared!)
JUNE
• 5 June (Dr. Seward talks with his patient Renfield, who’s been collecting pet flies! cute! :) [this is an insect positive blog <3 ] and we’re told we won’t get more Dracula Daily for quite a bit of time :( )
• 17 June ( (Remember to call the locals Romani, not the g- or sz-words Jonathan calls them! those are legit really bad slurs!) some locals deliver items to Dracula’s castle! and Jonathan’s been locked in his room now!)
• 18 June (Jonathan cudgels his brains! and Renfield clears the flies out of his room! ...oh. they were for his new spiders)
• 24 June (Dracula wears Jonathan’s clothes into the nearby towns to pose as him! + Jonathan sees the woman vampires start to materialize through dust! + Dracula kills a child and then kills the child’s mother with a bunch of wolves!)
• 25 June (Jonathan attempts lizard fashion for himself for the first time and sees Dracula... asleep?? well he’s vibing)
• 29 June (Jonathan wishes he could shoot the count and is faced with wolves when he tries to leave!)
• 30 June (SHOVEL WHACK DAY + “Faugh! Mina is a woman, and there is nought in common” + “Good-bye, all! Mina!” [Jonathan attempts his final Castle Dracula escape...] )
JULY
• 1 July (Renfield cleans his pet spiders out of his room and snatches and eats a fly!)
• 8 July (Seward begins unconsciously cerebrating! ...for a while)
• 18 July (Demeter log begins!! the captain and crew are unsettled. and Matt Kirkland -- creator of Dracula Daily -- takes more liberties than usual in his newsletter’s layout)
• 19 July (Renfield has a lot of sparrows and now really wants a cat!! + “A kitten, a nice little, sleek playful kitten, that I can play with, and teach, and feed—and feed—and feed!” + “I only asked for a kitten lest you should refuse me a cat. No one would refuse me a kitten, would they?”)
• 20 July (Renfield eats his birds and Seward comes up with the term zoöphagous!)
• 22 July (Demeter log: a good day! everyone relieved after rough three days)
• 24 July (Demeter log: another man missing, first mate angry at panicking crew + Mina meets with Lucy and enjoys the scenery. Mina and Lucy meet some old men by the shore)
• 26 July (Mina takes comfort in her journal and worries about both Jonathan and Lucy, the latter of whom has restarted an old habit of sleepwalking)
• 27 July (Mina’s worried about Jonathan :( Lucy is doing better, but Arthur’s dad is very sick)
• 28 July (Demeter log: second mate volunteers to watch after four days of a maelstrom)
• 29 July (Demeter log: second mate missing :( )
• 30 July (Demeter log: nearing England, two more men missing; only four people left)
AUGUST
• 1 August (one of the old men who Mina and Lucy met is named Mr. Swales! yabblins! he talks about tombstones. and Mina is still worried about Jonathan :(((( )
• 2 August (Demeter log: another man missing. God seems to have deserted them)
• 3 August (Demeter log: the first mate is convinced It is on the ship and jumps offboard to save himself! + Mina worries and recognizes Jonathan’s letters aren’t quite right)
• 4 August (Demeter log: the captain finally sees Him and ties himself to the ship’s wheel!)
• 6 August (Mr. Swales apologizes for the “wicked things” he’s said of the dead and Mina and 
• 8 August (OUR SPEEDY WEATHER-LOVING CORRESPONDENT REPORTS ON THE DEMETER’S LANDING IN WHITBY + the storm doesn’t bother sleeping Lucy and Mina keeps worrying about Jonathan)
• 9 August (our correspondent reports again! this time, the report is about the search for the beloved Clearly Innocent And Harmless Doggo from the Demeter and the Demeter’s origins and cargo)
• 10 August (...goodbye, Mr. Swales :(( + dude kicks his dog at the funeral for the Demeter’s captain! and Lucy is down at the funeral but cheers up after seeing some cows! + Mina does some complaining about the New Woman [seems probably complimentary to our views, but that wasn’t Stoker’s intention] )
• 11 August (some dark figure is spotted in the churchyard behind sleepwalking Lucy! Mina daubs her feet in mud to appear as if she has shoes on and surely it's only a prick from the pin that left the marks on Lucy's neck!)
• 12 August (Lucy still tries to leave while sleepwalking, but she's feeling better! Mina's worried about Jonathan and appreciates Lucy's comforting! + SISTER AGATHA WRITES BY DESIRE OF MR. JONATHAN HARKER)
• 13 August (Sleeping Lucy points at a giant bat out the window!)
• 14 August (Lucy and Mina see a stranger with bright red eyes! + Mina catches Lucy leaning out the window in her sleep!)
• 15 August (Arthur’s dad is feeling better, but Lucy’s mom expects to die soon from a weak heart! A sudden shock would be almost sure to kill her!)
• 16 August
• 17 August (Lucy is weakening and was found leaning out the window! and her safety pin wounds seem to not have healed! + Some deliverymen are instructed on how to leave some boxes at an entirely normal house in London!)
• 18 August (Lucy’s feeling better and recalls a nightwalking event!)
• 19 August (MINA GETS NEWS FROM JONATHAN AND WILL BE SEEING HIM SOON!!! + Renfield dismisses everyone, for the Master is at hand! + the modern Morpheus, C2HCl3O H2O! ...No! None to-night! + Renfield ran to the house neighboring the asylum!)
• 20 August (Renfield’s in a straitjacket and “three nights has the same thing happened—violent all day then quiet from moonrise to sunrise”! Dr. Seward will assist in another escape!)
• 21 August (Deliverymen acknowledge the boxes were delivered!)
• 23 August (Renfield didn’t escape even with purposefully eased security--Hark! The unexpected again! He escaped. and eventually watched a giant bat!)
• 24 August ( (in 2022, accidentally sent as two parts!) HARKER WEDDING HARKER WEDDING HARKER WEDDING + Jonathan gives Mina his journal kept in Castle Dracula + Lucy starts a diary in imitation of Mina... and feels alone :((( )
• 25 August (Lucy’s mom doesn’t let Lucy sleep with her and Lucy is in distress, but she’ll try to keep a cheery face for Arthur...)
• 30 August (Lucy writes a joyful letter to Mina about the time she spent with Arthur, says Arthur called her fat (complimentary), that she’s eating like a cormorant, mentions her mom is feeling better... and announces she and Arthur will wed on 28 September!! [i’m so happy for Lucy ;;A;;] )
• 31 August (Arthur writes to Dr. Seward, asking him to check on Lucy, even though he knows it will be painful for Seward)
SEPTEMBER (a busy month!! hold on!!!)
if you want some audio readings to help stay caught up, scroll down the archives of Cryptic Canticles’s Dracula Daily audio readings to get to any dates you may need)
(note i use “sep” instead of the full “september” in these tags, e.g. #dd 1 sep)
• 1 Sep (Short. Art’s dad not doing well :( )
• 2 Sep (Seward can’t figure out the cause of Lucy’s illness and writes to a  past professor and mentor + ‘EYO A CERTAIN DOCTOR -- M.D., D.PH., D. LIT., ETC., ETC. -- HAS ALREADY WRITTEN BACK TO SEWARD)
• 3 Sep (Van Helsing first meets with Lucy and smacktalks Seward right in front of him)
• 4 Sep (Renfield is cringe [as goes the memes] and starts eating flies again, then later denies all interest in zoophagy + Seward telegraphs Van Helsing that Lucy is improving)
• 5 Sep (Lucy improving still more!)
• 6 Sep (Terrible change for the worse. Seward informs Mrs. Westenra of van Helsing’s incoming presence so they can freely come and go)
• 7 Sep (C  O  R  N. CORN! and some of Arthur’s blood is transfused into sickly Lucy)
• 8 Sep (Dr. Seward stays up as Lucy sleeps, Mrs. Westenra doesn’t see the need for the fuss, and Lucy is scared to sleep until Seward reassures her. Van Helsing will join Seward tomorrow morning)
• 9 Sep (Lucy is feeling much better and urges Seward to rest) 
• 10 Sep (Van Helsing gently wakes Seward BUT LUCY HAS WORSENED SUDDENLY :(( Dr. Seward transfuses some of his blood into her. she wakes much improved and unaware of what happened. Van Helsing will stay the night with Lucy while Seward goes back to the asylum)
• 11 Sep (garlic flowers!!)
• 12 Sep (Lucy comforted by the garlic flowers)
• 13 Sep (Van Helsing cries after Lucy’s decline from her mother removing the flowers. third blood transfusion, this time from van Helsing. Seward is confused and distressed by the whole ordeal)
• 17 Sep (Lucy’s doing much better + Renfield tries to stab Seward and laps up Seward’s blood that he drew + Van Helsing sends a letter urging Seward to be at Lucy’s but the letter is 22 hours late + THE WOLF AND THE DEATH OF MRS. WESTENRA + “UNOPENED BY HER”: A LOVELY LETTER FROM MINA) 
• 18 Sep (in 2022, a clerical error! accidentally sent in three parts. interview with Thomas Bilder the zookeeper who talks about Bersicker (Berserker) the escaped wolf
+ Seward and van Helsing are unsettlingly yet hilariously good at breaking and entering to check on Lucy and her family + QUINCEY MORRIS FOR BLOOD TRANSFUSION AND FOR TOTALLY CALLING IT ON VAMPIRES + Lucy weeps for her mother. later under hypnosis she tries to rip apart her memo about the wolf
+ another “Unopened by her” from Mina. Mr. Hawkins passed away) 
• 19 Sep (Seward doesn’t expect Lucy to live in her weakness. Quincey patrols the property and Arthur tries to cheer Lucy)
• 20 Sep (Patrick Hennessey!!! reports the day’s happenings to Dr. Seward. Renfield doesn’t respect Hennessey and escapes to attack men moving boxes on a cart + a trick of the light, Seward says, makes Lucy’s canine teeth appear longer and sharper in her illness. Lucy acts differently toward the garlic flowers depending on if she’s sleeping or awake, Lucy’s throat wounds disappear, van Helsing refuses Lucy and Arthur a last kiss and Lucy is grateful. “We thought her dying whilst she slept, And sleeping when she died.”)
• 21 Sep (Lucy and her mother’s funeral formalities are attended to + van Helsing, naturally, suggests cutting off Lucy’s head + Mr. Marquand isn’t the best at condolences + Arthur cries to Seward and wishes to not be called Lord Godalming)
• 22 Sep (Mina and Jonathan go to Mr. Hawkins’s burial, and later the Count is spotted + Mina gets news of Lucy and Mrs. Westenra’s passing from a Mr. Van Helsing + Lucy and Mrs. Westenra’s burial then Quincey and Arthur depart + KING LAUGH + FINIS)
• 23 Sep (Mina is relieved Jonathan’s doing better, and she decides to read his journal from his time away)
• 24 Sep (Mina types all of Jonathan’s journals, for she recognizes there may be crucial information in them, whether they’re strictly accurate or not + Van Helsing writes to Mina to ask her help)
• 25 Sep (article x2 about the Bloofer Lady + Mina telegraphs van Helsing to meet with her + Mina and her widdle shorthand prank to van Helsing, who ends up praising her profusely + Van Helsing and Mina write to each other to aver Jonathan’s journal is accurate)
• 26 Sep (“Doctor, you don't know what it is to doubt everything, even yourself. No, you don't; you couldn't with eyebrows like yours.” + Jonathan is assured and relieved + CORN: PART 2!! Van Helsing is obtuse to Seward in his wish to be gentle then SLAMS THE NEWS ON SEWARD + tombbreaking and “That only proves one thing ... That it is not there.” + tombbreaking and candle sperm + van Helsing and Seward leaving a child only referred to as “it” in view of a policeman)
• 27 Sep (Dr. Seward and van Helsing again stay the night in the cemetery, where Lucy’s body now lays, and van Helsing decides Arthur must be convinced too + Van Helsing writes a memo of his plan to seal Lucy into her tomb, in case he doesn’t return)
• 28 Sep (Seward realizes van Helsing must be mad)
• 29 Sep (BIG DAY OF HAPPENINGS: Quincey “Laconic” Morris + Arthur, Quincey, Van Helsing, and Dr. Seward meet tumultuously before going to observe Lucy. the observation is a horror especially to Arthur + “nosferatu” + Arthur kills Un-Dead Lucy in a terrible moment + Dr. Seward to Mina about his diary: “You see, I do not know how to pick out any particular part of the diary.” + Mina and Dr. Seward exchange their stories and Mina types Seward’s + Jonathan talks with several people to learn what happened to the Count’s cargo)
• 30 Sep (’nother long day!! Jonathan and Mina spend the night at Seward’s and Renfield asks to be released home + Jonathan talks with more people about the Count’s boxes + Van Helsing loves praising Mina, she meets the rest of the Suitor Trio, and Arthur mourns on her shoulder and sobs to her + Renfield cleans his room before Mina sees him + “Why, I myself am an instance of a man who had a strange belief.” + Quincey “Laconic” Morris: Part 2 + Scholomance mention: Part 1! + 🦇 🔫🤠 + it is decided to leave Mina out of further vampire-related matters)
OCTOBER (another busy month!!)
NOTE: OCTOBER 3 IS THE  LARGEST ENTRY, OVER 50 PAGES. MAYBE START READING AHEAD IF YOU WANT. and again, you can scroll through the Cryptic Canticles archives to listen to any dates you need
• 1 Oct (the Suitor Trio, van Helsing, and Jonathan go with Seward to meet Renfield and Jonathan is then ignored [lol] + Renfield civilly insists on his release before breaking down to try and convince Seward
+ Dracula’s home with rats and Arthur’s TINY TERRIER DOGES + Mina is tired and has queer dreams + Jonathan bribes some information from a guy + Renfield doesn’t want souls and also says, “I don't take any stock at all in such matters,” but then sets up to attract more flies
+ Arthur gets a magical time-traveling response about Count de Ville’s manor [Jonathan and Arthur meet with the person who sends the response tomorrow, 2 Oct. oops, Bram Stoker] )
• 2 Oct (Seward gives Mina a sleeping draught to help her restlessness + Jonathan finds the depite and bribes more to learn about the Count’s secound house + a reasonable laconic man is “manifestly a prig of the first water” + Jonathan goes to the Aerated Bread Company (the ABC) a man who was supposed to be watching Renfield “dozes” and then, later, Renfield is in physical peril)
• 3 Oct
(^IT’S THE DAY. IT’S THE 50 PAGE ENTRY, THE LONGEST DAY, 16,000 WORDS)
(Renfield is grievously injured, with his back broken and the right side of his body paralyzed. he talks about the night he first met Dracula, that he knew Dracula was taking Mina’s blood, and how he tried to attack Dracula. Renfield shortly after dies
+ everyone except Mina and Jonathan witnesses Dracula cursing Mina with the Vampire’s baptism -- Jonathan and Mina are in a hypnotized stupor
[+ hehe Van Helsing falls on the floor when breaking down the door]
+ Dracula burned the manuscripts about him and melted the phonograph cylinders, but fortunately Seward’s safe has another copy
+ Mina informs that Jonathan hitting Dracula with a shovel left a scar on the latter’s forehead
+ it’s agreed that everyone must know all undertakings, especially Mina
+ Mina vows she would kill herself if she finds herself possibly acting in a way that might harm those she loves, but Van Helsing urges this must not happen, or else she surely will be a tool for Dracula
+ Van Helsing discusses many of the limits of Dracula’s powers
+ Jonathan wants to stay with Mina during the day as the plan to enter one of Dracula’s properties is undertaken, but Mina insists he go, as his law knowledge maybe useful
+ Van Helsing is overexcited and insensitive about how Dracula “banqueted heavily”
+ awkward forced cheer breakfast
+ Van Helsing tries to bless Mina to protect her, but the Sacred Wafer burns and scars her forehead
+ “It was then time to start. So I said farewell to Mina, a parting which neither of us shall forget to our dying day; and we set out.
“To one thing I have made up my mind: if we find out that Mina must be a vampire in the end, then she shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone.“
+ Van Helsing sanctifies the earth in the Carfax lair and it is made uninhabitable for Dracula
+ “I have written this in the train.”
+ a locksmith opens Dracula’s Piccadilly residence for Quincey and Holmwood, the boxes of there dirt are sanctified, and then Jonathan, Seward, and Van Helsing wait for Quincey and Holmwood to either sanctify the dirt at the additional addresses they found or for Dracula to arrive
+ Seward observes that Jonathan appears to have greatly aged in the single night
+ Scholomance mention: part 2!
+ first mention of “child-brain” and Dracula’s experiments
+ jumpy at the telegraph boy’s knock, who delivers a message from Mina about Dracula hurrying to Piccadilly
+ another knock at the door... and it’s Quincey and Holmwood, who destroyed many more boxes of dirt
+ Seward mentions how his hunting parties with Holmwood and Quincey often had Quincey as the leader and planner
+ BOUNDING IN! IT’S THE COUNT!
+ Jonathan rips at some of Dracula’s loot with his kukri, Dracula tries for an evil monologue then jumps out a window and escapes
+ one box left
+ Quincey lies down as guard in front of the Harkers’ door)
• 4 Oct (Van Helsing hypnotises Mina + Van Helsing through Seward’s phonograph tells Jonathan to stay behind with Mina) 
• 5 Oct (HAT OF STRAW DAY + why is van Helsing allowed to narrate [“with blood,” “of blood,” “child-brain”] + Van Helsing himself uses the phrase “the Vampire’s baptism of blood.”
+ Seward and van Helsing are concerned about Mina’s connection to the Count + Mina takes the minutes for one meeting, but then she, Seward, and van Helsing are concered about her connection to the Count and she askes Jonathan to keep her in the dark. “I felt that from that instant a door had been shut between us.” she is joyful afterward + weapons and transportation are discussed)
• 6 Oct (Mina convinces the men she must come with them + Quincey “Laconic” Morris: Part 3 + Jonathan makes his will to leave everything to Mina if possible, then to “others who have been so good to us”)
• 7 Oct
• 8 Oct
• 11 Oct (Mina asks to be killed if she turns + Jonathan could not bear to record the meeting and Seward himself loses his composure doing so)
• 14 Oct
• 15 Oct (the crew continues waiting for the Czarina Catharine to be sighted. Mina has regained color but mostly sleeps, and hypnotising her at sunrise and sunset has become easier + Judge Moneybag)
• 16 Oct (“Mina’s report still the same”)
• 17 Oct (Arthur talked with the ship owner, a special messenger will keep the group in the know, and Jonathan doesn’t mind being hanged for the murder of the Count or for being forceful against anyone who tries to stop the vampire hunters)
• 18 Oct
• 19 Oct
• 20 Oct
• 21 Oct
• 22 Oct
• 23 Oct
• 24 Oct ( “A whole week of waiting.” + “Czarina Catherine reported this morning”)
• 25 Oct (writing by hand irks Seward, but he’s a good noodle and does so because van Helsing says to + Mina is more lethargic, even if retaining her color, and Seward and van Helsing are suspicious of her + Seward, shut up about euthanasia. it’s good you don’t have your phonograph and weren’t able to ramble about it + Jonathan’s hands are cold as ice and he sharpens his knife + Mina’s sleepiness is more suspicious than usual)
• 26 Oct (Czarina Catherine no longer reported, but there are patches of fog)
• 27 Oct (still no news of the ship, altho Mina’s report has changed to say “the waves are very faint”)
• 28 Oct (Czarina Catherine reported + MINA IS THE TRAIN FIEND + Arthur is surprised they can’t Uber a train + Van Helsing refers to his friend Hans Andersen and talks about duck-thoughts, swan-thoughts, child-thoughts, and man-thoughts + THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP UNSELFISHNESS)
• 29 Oct (the group is taking a train from Varna to Galatz + last night, Mina needed more prodding under hypnosis and then “raised both her hands, palms upwards, as if lifting a weight.” + then she offered tea + her sunset report has changed)
• 30 Oct (LONG EVENTFUL DAY, BUT NOT AS LONG AS OCTOBER 3. Mina answers quickly under hypnotism, then cuts off and pales before waking + Quincey only speaks English and thus stays behind with Mina
+ Van Helsing, Seward, and Jonathan are aided by Mackenzie and Steinkoff [per Arthur's telegraph] and let onboard the Czarina Catherine, which "never had so favourable a run." + the CC's captain [more sailor accent!] further reports the Romanian crewmembers wanted to "heave overboard a big box" and that, in the morning, a man came aboard to receive a box marked for Count Dracula. the captain gives the name Immanuel Hildesheim and Hildesheim's address
+ fez! + Hildesheim sends the group to one Skinsky, whose body was found in the wall of St. Peter's churchyard, throat torn open
+ JONATHAN IS RELEASED FROM HIS PROMISE TO KEEP INFO FROM MINA
+ Quincey gets Mina a “Traveller’s” typewriter and Seward needs to continue writing his journal entries by hand lol
+ Mina shares a clever memo in which she figures out Dracula’s plan and Jonathan finds that super hot and Van Helsing calls her their teacher
+ Arthur and Jonathan plan to follow Dracula by steamboat [Arthur is an “experienced hand” at working a steamboat]; Quincey with Seward to follow by horse; Van Helsing and Mina also to follow by horse
+ Jonathan is wracked with memories of Castle Dracula and of Mina’s predicament. “Have you felt the Vampire’s lips upon your throat?”
+ more sexism in that Mina needs to be saved from seeing certain things :i
+ MINA GETS A GUN MINA GETS A GUN
+ Mina sings the praises of men and money
+ Mina gets a saddle with a movable horn
+ Mina and Jonathan painfully part ways)
• 31 Oct (Jonathan and Arthur continue on their boat through the cold and frighten people on the river + Van Helsing and Mina are in a group, and Van Helsing stocks up on horses while Mina wishes she could be out in the country in different conditions + Mina writes briefly about God and Jonathan)
NOVEMBER (NEARING THE END!!)
• 1 Nov (Jonathan and Arthur pretend to be Romanian authorities, and they get news that a large boat going unusually fast has gone by + Dr. Van Helsing is laconic + Mina can’t abide garlic and calls the locals superstitious)
• 2 Nov (Jonathan was allowed to sleep because he was so exhausted [thank you, Art] + Seward, Quincey, Mina, and van Helsing are busy traveling + Mina frets about her unholy uncleanliness)
• 3 Nov (short entry: Seward hears at Fundu that ship has gone up the Biztritza. and Russian Fashion!)
• 4 Nov (Art is an amateur fitter. ...he wrecked the boat + Mina is chipper and tells van Helsing she’s already eaten. Van Helsing is afraid, afraid, afraid!) 
• 5 Nov (Mina again doesn’t eat, and van Helsing and she sit in a circle surrounded by communion wafers as the vampire women taunt Mina. Van Helsing’s and Mina’s horses freeze to death + Seward sees the Romani troupe conveying Dracula + Van Helsing enters Dracula’s castle and kills the vampire women)
• 6 Nov (Mina and van Helsing watch the final showdown through binoculars, Jonathan scares the Romani with his angry anime aura, and two people die)
• 7 Nov (SEVEN YEARS LATER. Art and Seward get married [to each other, naturally, definitely], Mina and Jonathan have a son named after their vampire hunting group, Jonathan still has to focus on praising Mina)
• 9 Nov :)
SOME BONUS TAGS
• prep (posts of people hyping Dracula Daily before it starts!)
• after (recaps, epilogue-ish non-November-7-specific posts, etc.!)
• other (Dracula-related posts that don’t directly relate to the story but may be spoilery for people who haven’t read it yet! like The League of Extraordinary Gentlefolks's posts. also basically a “miscellaneous” tag for posts i can’t otherwise figure out huehue. as of adding this edit, i have one scheduled post with this tag but none currently posted)
• ddn (posts that don’t really relate to any specific day and aren’t spoilery)
NOTE THESE LINKS CAN HAVE SPOILERS. MORE BONUS TAGS:
• "do it eat dracula" for the Best Dracula Theory that Renfield should end the story by eating Dracula
• "dracula is a comedy" for yeah
• (honorary mention of the "speedy correspondent" tag because i love them)
• “dracula without context” for posts that are extra silly or confusing when not attached to a “dracula daily” tag or that simply could have believably been posted without any story context
• “dracula headcanon” is a combination of silly posts as well as posts that genuinely color how i read and understand the story
&*need to figure out:
- day Arthur’s father died; before 20 sep
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cepheusgalaxy · 3 months
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The 9 Gates of Hell - tag: 9goh wip
Genre: Fantasy
What is it about: Zero Plot Squad. Probably evil mages. A cult of evil mages, I mean.
Who’s in it:
Sami (fluid pronouns/they/them) - Sami is a normal human living in this magic world. They live in a small village near a cursed portal called Gate of Hell, with people that reject them because they are genderfluid. One day, a huge threat (haven’t decided what it is yet) comes to their village and they want to do something about it, so they go to the Gates. It’s said that if you give something in exchange, the Gate will grant you a wish. When they get there, a spirit tells them that their wish is too huge and would drain all of their life force. Sami doesn’t mind and makes the wish anyway. When they die and their soul is kind of floating in the dark void, a Gate guardian’s voice wakes them up and asks: Since you died here anyways, do you want to go to the afterlife, or become a Gate Guardian like us; a demon? And they take upon the offer.
Sanji (she/her, sometimes they) - Sanji is a veteran Gate Guardian, aka demon, and she is actually my first nb oc (she’s agender). She and Sami become best friends, and they both go on Guardian missions together. She is a little bit of a violent spirit.
Note A: No consistent plot yet lol.
Note B: Hard magic system (ish)
Extra: Possible character
Reinan (?) (he/him) - Main traits: Smart, skilled, childish,  stubborn. I just had the idea for this oc a while ago and haven’t fleshed him out. He is trans (ofc), and a sorcerer. Now, sorcerers are pretty rare in this world. I picked a former idea I had for Ein’s magic system for this one: Harmony X Chaos. Every single being is a mix of both, and depending on how much of each you have, you can cast magic. But if you have too much chaos, it consumes you; if you don’t have enough, you can’t do magic at all. To be able to foster such chaos, you need to have a nucleum: All demons and some other spirits have them, and if a human has one, we call them a sorcerer. This character would be one of these rare humans, and Sami and Sanji get the mission of protecting him from a cult. The Sorcerer Order or other big cults recruit sorcerers and the demons want to prevent them from getting their hands on this one. He’s pretty stubborn and petty, though, and is pretty pissed off that these demons appear and say he can’t do whatever he wants to. He is a bit younger than Sami was when they became a demon. I think maybe this Sorcerer Order wants to do something that will threaten the balance of the world, and the Gate Guardians want to stop them. Maybe they want to take over the world?
(I had this idea out of a bunch of doodles I did some years ago.)
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1kook · 4 years
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imax & climax
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summary; The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack. warnings; fingering, blowjobs, tit play, praise kink, standing sex, unprotected sex, reverse cowgirl kinda idk lol, daddy kink that morphs into i love u kink tags;  jk is an avid history channel viewer, jk hates Barbie movies ik we took an L today girls 😔, jk goes thru like 4 personality changes (commanding > soft > mean > in love), honestly idk what to tag it’s a mess, he’s still cheesy and romantic but also 👀 just read word count; 9.8k
notes; there is no rest for the wicked, aka miss 1kook writes another part for this fic i swore wasn't gonna be a series except this time we ditch the gentlemen persona and go into maximum overdrive. its not proofread bc i wrote this entire thing at 4 am last night after inhaled a whole bucket of spicy popcorn
[ part 1 ; netflix & chill ] [ part 2 ; hulu & wohoo ]
Jungkook sees it on display during your weekly Target trip. You know he won’t say anything because despite how long you’ve dated he still likes to pretend he’s the epitome of adult maturity. Yet the way his eyes linger over the electronics section, cart rolling to a stop in front of the massive screen, tells you all you need to know.
“Baby, the toilet paper is this way,” you sing, giving the front of the cart a gentle tug that pulls it and his thoughts away from the television that seems to hold reign over his interest.
“Ah,” he mumbles as he shakes himself out of whatever trance he was in. “Right.”
The Target trip ends rather uneventfully; you grab all the items you came for and make the executive decision of swapping Jungkook’s tangerine bathroom soap with strawberry instead. Normally he’d put up a good fight, argue about the comfort that came with consistency, but today he says nothing. You chalk it up to that flatscreen that hypnotized him earlier.
“You wanted it,” you announce rather pointedly in the car. He’s backing out of the parking space now, one hand on the wheel the other pressed to the side of your seat. His jaw twitches as he tries to maneuver around a stray shopping cart someone didn’t return to the retrieval area. He’s wearing that dark jumper you like, with the high collar that covers all of last night’s bruises up wonderfully.
Jungkook scoffs as he finally gets the two of you back onto the main road, Target and the flat screen left behind. “I didn’t,” he defends. “Just thought it was neat.”
You snort. “Neat. Okay, grandpa, did it tickle your pickle?” you tease, obnoxiously leaning over the center console to get all in his face. Jungkook greets your proximity with a palm against your forehead.
“Please don’t ever say that again,” he laughs, pulling to a stop at the next red light. He turns to level you with an easygoing grin, sparkly anime girl eyes extra shiny under the red glow. “Only want you to tickle my pickle.”
You gag. “That’s actually disgusting.”
——
You graduate on a Saturday and your dorm stay expires on the Tuesday that follows. You spend the entire day shoving all your belongings into a variety of trash bags, from your weighted blanket to the collection candles you and Doyeon swore to light every night and never did. Speaking of Doyeon, she cries through the entire process. From the moment you take down the first wall decoration she’s in tears, and not even her mom, who’s come to help out, can quell her emotions. The girl cries and cries. She cries throughout the clean up, like she hadn’t spent the week before cursing the funky aircon system to hell and back. It’s probably the nostalgia that comes with leaving college, you assume. When Jungkook picks you up around noon, even your eyes are glassy.
Jungkook’s mom, who you only just met a few months ago, is over at his place when you arrive. You get along fairly well, in fact, you would even go as far as to claim you got along really well. You had first met her over this past spring break when Jungkook invited you along to his family trip to some tropical island. The Jeons were lovely people. In fact, had Jungkook not explicitly introduced them as his parents, you would’ve thought they were some sitcom actors carrying out the role of most in love, sophisticated lovers to ever exist. Yeah, they were super into each other, and you suppose it’s why Jungkook is the way he is, loves as hard as he does. The only thing that broke their attention away from each other was the sight of their precious Jungkookie bringing you to a family event.
It was hard to keep them entertained. Every second was spent worrying about your appearance, your demeanor, whether or not you looked like a devil beside their (your) angelic boy. It certainly didn’t help that Jungkook was wearing that obnoxiously floral shirt at the restaurant you went to, the first three buttons undone almost lazily. It was a look your boyfriend rarely showed, always so meticulously dressed. Of course, he had that cute boyish style of his that consisted almost exclusively of baggy pants and designer tee’s a little too plain to cost as much as they did. But even those outfits had a specific Jungkook rhythm to them— the darker tones always went with the pants that had twelve buckles on them; the long sleeves always went with the jeans. He was awfully particular about those kinds of self-set rules, and this jarring floral print did not fit any of them. It was too provocative, the black skinny jeans he’d paired with it too devious.
Maybe he knew what he was doing to you dressed so hot like this, but knowing Jungkook, you doubt he did. His parents hadn’t batted a single lash his way, eyes laser focused on your every word as you stumbled through three plates and dessert. It was a battle you fought alone, and one you barely survived.
So despite you impressing his parents, she still gives you an odd look when you enter Jungkook’s swanky townhouse with all your garbage bags of items. You promise her it’s just for the weekend, until your parents clean out your old room that they’ve filled to the brim with holiday decorations and miscellaneous objects. You’re not trying to take her baby chick out of the nest. (Yet.)
You watch TV for a couple hours, mostly her favorite soap operas on his 67 in. screen. It takes up a huge spot on the wall where it’s mounted, glossy black screen glaring back at you. Even his mom scolds him for such a huge screen, and you wonder how she’d feel about the absolute giant he ogled at the Target last week. Super angry, you think, and the image of her raging in flames while Jungkook apologizes like the momma’s boy he is makes you giggle.
She leaves a little after sunset, kissing and hugging the both of you on the doorstep like she’s going off to war and will never return. She’ll be back by the weekend, desperate to check on her baby boy, but you let her have her moment. It’s weird seeing how dramatic the Jeons are compared to how reserved Jungkook is.
You pounce on him the second she’s gone. He goes down with a muffled yelp against the sofa, hands grasping at your waist until you straddle him and begin going to town. Your fun lasts all of two minutes before the old lady novella Jungkook’s mom had been watching cuts to commercials and a loud advertisement for irritable bowel syndrome medication begins playing.
“Oh, that is so not sexy,” you whine childishly, trying to roll your hips over him again. Jungkook laughs, all low and sweet as he sits back up again.
“Give it a rest,” he says, shifting you until he’s got you hugged between those stupidly strong arms of his. His pecs feel strong and comforting beneath your cheek, and the feeling makes your tiny pouting session end earlier than usual. “Come on,” he mumbles as he manhandles you around, until your back is pressed against his chest and you’re sitting between his legs. “Let’s watch this film on Mesopotamian folklore and its overall significance to the nations it birthed after its downfall.”
——
You rarely use the key Jungkook gifted you a few months back. The majority of your visits to Jungkook’s house were either  the result of Jungkook picking you up from somewhere and bringing you back, or Jungkook inviting you over after dinner. In short, he was always with you when you arrived at his stoop.
Today you’re alone, juggling two boxes of takeout and some cheap wine in one hand as you fight to unlock his door. He hadn’t answered his phone, which leads you to believe he’s holed himself up again in that damn study. He likes to do that sometimes, lock himself away like some modern day Rapunzel until he finishes whatever project he has this time around. When he gets like this, it’s like all other body functions are forgotten, his brain zeroed in on the lines of code you barely understand.
Just as you suspect, the house is too dark when you finally break in. The hall light is off, which isn’t out of the norm, but so are the kitchen and living room lights. You pad down the hall, flicking on the light to the living room to set down your offerings onto the edge of the coffee table. There’s a scrambled pile of notes on top that seem too disorderly to disregard. You whirl around, making to head back out into the hall and down to the study, when you see it.
A good 90 inches mounted on his wall. It’s a monstrosity of a screen, devouring nearly the entire surface of the wall, from stainless end to stainless end. It’s ridiculously thin in the way all modern TVs are, but this one is even more so given the fact you hadn’t registered it in your peripheral when you walked in. It’s just barely short of a Jumbotron, the kind they have at baseball games to make sure you can see every nose hair on the pitcher.
His mom was going to kill him.
“Jungkook?” you call out slowly, inching back out into the hall with your gaze glued to the screen. Like maybe you’ve imagined this all and that isn’t the stupidly gigantic television screen Jungkook had gawked at just a few weeks ago.
There’s a soft hum down the hall, the sound slipping beneath the bottom gap in the door frame. You make a beeline for the room, oddly unsettled with the huge screen. The door gives way, exposing your boyfriend’s hunched back and the blue light from his monitors that highlights his frame. “Hi, sweetie,” you begin, inching over to him.
“Hi,” he sighs, leaning back into your touch when you step behind him. His dark eyes are weary from staring at his tablet for too long, his usual tender expression melted into one of mild irritation. “Can’t figure this out,” he says, tapping his stylus against one line of absolute nerd gibberish you don’t bother trying to decipher. Maybe another day you would have entertained him, but today you cherish this moment with him knowing it might be his last before his mom comes over and kills him.
“Sounds like break time to me!” Your proclamation makes him frown, a frustrated groan pulling itself from his lips. His head droops forward again, chin touching his chest. But there’s a hint of relief in his groan that tells you all you need to know. “Baby needs a break,” you smile, pressing a peck against the back of his head.
“You’re baby,” he tries to fight, but his limbs are so pliant under your touch that it practically means nothing. “I’m the head honcho around here.”
“Uh huh,” you appease him, finally managing to tug all that muscled body out of his seat. “And apparently that means making dumb purchases.”
“What dumb purchases? Are you talking about the cactus again?” he asks, letting you guide him back down the hall.
“Yes, Kook, the cactus you haven’t watered in three months,” you drawl sarcastically, the sad plant sitting in the kitchen a reminder of both your incompetence. “Namjoon would hate you for that.”
Not amused by the insinuation of his favorite senpai being disappointed in him, Jungkook goes to fight you on that. By then you’ve stopped at the entrance of the living room, glaring at the straight up theater screen that sits on the wall. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” you mimic, flopping down on the ground beside the coffee table. Jungkook doesn’t follow, choosing to sprawl himself over the couch instead. “What’s with the Jumbotron?”
He stretches his arms out, moaning something sinful at the way his bones pop. “It adds to the experience,” he says. “Movies are more enjoyable when the pictures are bigger; a tall aspect ratio and stadium seating really add to the experience.” He was such a nerd.
You snort. “The experience— Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know I was speaking to Mr. IMAX here.”
His cheeks flush a soft pink at your jab. “Don’t be mean,” he mumbles, tugging on your arm as he sits back up. You find your way onto his lap, neatly seated over one thigh like he’s the Santa Claus at the mall; not a single gray hair in sight but you’d still let him call you his hoe, hoe, hoe. Realizing there’s more important matters to attend to than Jungkook’s Christmas ham, you shake those images away.
“Good thing I brought a movie,” you beam, gesturing to the pretty pink case resting over top the takeout bag.
Jungkook doesn’t even spare it a single glance as he burrows into your neck. “What? No, we’re finishing the docuseries on—“
You groan loudly to muffle the rest of his sentence. “Kook, I don’t wanna watch another episode on Stonehenge being done by aliens,” you whine, picking up the movie case to brandish in his face.
It’s admittedly the wrong move when Jungkook’s eyes roll themselves into another dimension. “Absolutely not,” he says. The case is quickly discarded off to the side as he attempts to distract you with a kiss against your cheek.
Too bad you’re evil and determined. “No! We are watching the Princess and the Pauper and that’s final,” you exclaim, scrambling for the movie before he can hurl it out the window. He catches you by the waist, your fingers just an inch away from the pink case. “Babe!” you cry, but his fingerprints are bruising their way into your skin.
“No more Barbie movies,” he begs, yanking you back onto his lap. He does so with so much force that it makes the two of you tumble to the side, your head bouncing on the cushions as he catches himself over you. “Please.”
“I hate you,” you fuss, pointedly ignoring the tiny mole beneath his lip that drove you crazy. “We’ve seen every single thing on the History Channel this week, but we can’t watch one Barbie movie?”
Jungkook sighs, dropping his head down against your shoulder. He smells good and feels even better over you, but you’re not going to stop until the Princess and the Pauper is breaking in the new Jumbotron. “It’s weird,” he huffs, voice muffled against the fabric of your shirt. “Especially when we start getting… experimental, and I have to listen to Barbie sing in the background.”
“First of all, her name is Annaleise in this movie,” you correct, squirming beneath him to no avail. “Secondly, how do you think I feel when you’re eating me out while some old British dude narrates the creation of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon?”
Jungkook scoffs, finally letting himself snuggle completely into you. “You don’t even realize it because you’re screaming the whole way through.” That earns him a sharp tug at his ear that has him sputtering apology after apology.
“It’s boring!” you feel the need to emphasize.
Jungkook sits up with an uppity look on his face. “It’s not my fault you don’t appreciate the cinematography that comes from educational pieces,” he points out, rather presumptuously.
You shove him off of you. “I don’t care about cinnamon topography, just play the damn Barbie movie,” you hiss, swiping the movie case from the other end of the couch and pressing it to his chest. If words could hurt, yours definitely do. Jungkook crumbles against the couch, childishly stomping one sock-clad foot against the ground as you gesture toward the movie player.
He doesn’t move, and you’re about to begin another tirade against his snobby movie critiquing habits when he procures a sleek, tiny remote that you would honestly mistake for an iPhone from a distance. It has, no joke, about seven buttons max, four of which are just the up and down, left and right arrows. You let out a low whistle at that. Wow. Technology sure was advancing.
The TV turns on to some minimalistic home page, tiny widgets showing every app it has; the bottom row is dedicated almost entirely to Jungkook’s massive streaming service provider collection. After a moment of brewing in his feels, Jungkook quietly announces, “it’s on Amazon Prime.” This is news to you, being able to watch a Barbie film on a streaming service and not the old disk you scratched when you were ten. Something distinctly carnal flashes in your chest when Jungkook clicks through all the payment options without a care in the world. Oh, that was definitely going into your horny 3 am dreams.
Despite his earlier protests, you know Jungkook will soon fall into his usual movie watching habits. He settles into the couch beside you. You cuddle up next to him, enveloping him with the grip of a killer octopus choking out its prey, except Jungkook is usually the one doing the choking in this relationship. Still, it’s not close enough, and you throw your legs over his thigh. You’re practically sitting on him at this point.
You have no doubt the speakers on this thing are average; it was too thin to really pack any punch. However, that was the TV sans the Bluetooth speakers Jungkook has installed all around his house.
(You swear when the android uprising finally begins, your boyfriend will be the first one out.)
The speakers really amplify the sound. The opening sequence has your bones rattling inside your body, the loud music of the selection screen reverberating through the entire living room. It reminds you of that pounding COMING SOON clip that used to play at the beginning of DVD’s back in the day. Jungkook scrambles to lower the volume. “Sweetheart, you’re cutting off my circulation,” he wheezes afterwards.
“What? This is how we always watch movies,” you say with a frown.
“Yes, and I always end up with less oxygen than before.”
He doesn’t let you argue, which is good, because you could make a thirty five slide PowerPoint presentation on the advantages of watching movies like this. One, your boyfriend was warm. Two, your boyfriend smelt good. Three, your boyfriend’s ripped body awoke some ancient being inside of you that would not rest until his cock was halfway down your thro—
He hauls you into his lap. The angle forces you to let him go, instead met with the jarring nothingness of having his hot body ripped away. Meanwhile he gets to wrap you up in his arms, hold you like a teddy bear to his chest. “I hate this,” you huff, but the movie is already starting, the beautiful blonde Anneliese appearing on screen. You lean back against his chest, pout still evident. “This is ridiculous,” you snort, her face blown up on this jumbo screen.
“Shut up,” he says, settling in behind you. “Movie’s starting.”
Most Barbie movies you watch end up in one of two ways: either Jungkook falls asleep twenty minutes in or he stays up until the end to critique every aspect of it. With the way he’d gone soft from your early battle, you’re guessing he was going to knock out before the Princess can even meet the Pauper.
As much as you hate to admit it, the huge screen does incite quite a thrill in you. There’s something so nostalgic about watching one of your favorite childhood movies on a screen this huge. The size showcases the sheer perfection that is every single Barbie movie. You lose yourself in the movie, singing along to the opening song and growing agitated when the antagonist appears.
Jungkook says nothing, and you’re half convinced he’s taken his first preferred route and snoozed off, when his fingers twitch around your waist.
There it was.
The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack.
“Absolutely not,” you say, slapping a hand down over his before he can slip beneath the fabric of your shorts.
He lets out an indignant noise, a puff of air running along the side of your face. You ease his hands back over your stomach, taking extra care to knot your fingers with his. “We’re supposed to be breaking in your new screen,” you remind him, glancing up to catch his unimpressed expression.
He complains quietly, but he settles.
For all of twenty seconds.
“Oh my god,” you sigh, trying to act like the subtle rutting of his cock on your behind was a nuisance and not the luxury it is. “Babe, the jumbo screen… look at it.”
“Not even jumbo,” he murmurs against your ear, hot breath sending a shiver down your spine that has your toes curling. You fight to keep his hands still, but the muscles in his forearm tense, inked skin contracting as he slips them between your thighs. You suck in a sharp inhale, trying to maintain your immovable front. Jungkook sees the fortress you’ve built around yourself in the name of watching The Princess and the Pauper, and spares you no mercy with his attack. His hands massage the skin of your thighs, tiny shorts doing absolutely nothing to save you from him. “Jumbo didn’t fit.”
The back of your mind registers the fact he was apparently trying to get a TV even bigger than this. You tuck it away for later to snitch to his mom. For now, you’d very much appreciate it if he could make you cum before the two girls perform the iconic “I Am a Girl Like You” song.
His hands are so smooth, soft skin tracing over your body like you were nothing but a slab of clay ready to be molded under his touch. He abandons your thighs to creep them under your shirt, where he wastes no time tugging the cups of your bra down to fondle your breasts.
Belatedly, your stupid tongue remembers to move. “I know something jumbo that fits,” you babble, rolling your head back against his shoulder. Jungkook laughs at the utter stupidity of your sentence, and the aforementioned jumbo thing fattens against your ass, before brushing his lips against yours. The airy laughter, one of your favorite sounds in the world, is swallowed up by your greedy mouth. “Can fit in two places, actually,” you murmur when he pulls away.  His fingers massage the doughy skin of your boobs causing your back to arch slightly. “Wherever he wants it to.”
“Really,” Jungkook teases, obviously entertained by your silly dirty talk. He’s grown used to your outlandish remarks in the past few months of your relationship.
You like to believe Jungkook has fully accepted your occasional bouts of weirdness. He’s had the last few months to grow familiar with the inner workings of your mind, and even absorbed some of it into his own personality. Which is why he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by you referring to his cock as jumbo, when there were admittedly more fitting words to describe it as.
(Thick, juicy, angry, demon cock, if he really wanted to know.)
“Where do you think it should go?” he asks, the low hum of his voice snapping you out or your thoughts. There was no need to daydream about a cock that was right in front of you. His hands slow their gentle caress over you, fingers closing in on your nipples.
A sharp hiss pulls itself from your throat, chest arching as he tugs and toys with your hardened nipples. “Wh-Wherever,” you pant, reaching your own hands down back between your thighs. The phantom of his palms linger, making your hands feel sorely inadequate. “Wherever Daddy wants,” you purr, swallowing harshly when he twists a nipple.
Jungkook groans, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “Don’t,” he sighs, hands faltering over your breasts. Eventually they drift away, settling around your waist as you slip your fingers under the front of your bottoms.
“Why?” you laugh, pointer finger brushing along your clit. “Don’t like it when I call you that, Daddy?”
He lifts his head to watch you play with yourself. His hands grow tight around your waist, labored breath filling the air to harmonize with your breathy moans. You’re absolutely soaking your panties, sticky arousal making the fabric stick to your folds. “You know I do,” he murmurs, watching the outline of your knuckles through the fabric of your shorts. “Thought you wanted to play nice today.” He takes in a sharp inhale when you ease your finger into yourself, a breathy moan escaping from your lips.
You were already so wet, and you’re really not surprised this is how the two of you would break in his new IMAX, high definition flatscreen. Your pussy tightens around your finger, thigh muscles jumping at the intrusion. Fuck, you needed him so bad.
You smirk, drawing your hands out from their hiding spot. The television is the only thing lighting the room, the two of you shrouded in relative darkness. At first, your hand is shadowed by the glow of the screen, nothing more than an outline. But when you turn it just right, the light catches, highlighting the glistening skin of your fingers. It makes Jungkook shudder.
Ever so slowly, you bring your fingers up to his face. The tip of your middle finger runs teasingly against his plump lower lip, his shaky exhales sending a cool breath over your knuckles. “Open, Daddy,” you encourage, watching with rapt attention as he envelopes your fingers between his lips. He sucks, tongue dancing between each digit to slurp off your juices. “Do I taste good? Do you like it?”
You know he loves it, but it never hurts to ask.
Between the two of you, you each had your own share of distinctive interests when it came to sex. Kinks, if you will. You adored the softer, vanilla aspects of sex— the languid makeouts, the slow rutting against his thigh, the whispered praise, the cute pet names. Meanwhile, despite his initially reserved exterior, Jungkook preferred the other end of the spectrum. (You should’ve known from the get go!) He loved it fast and hard, so hard it would make you cry. He liked watching you squirm and beg for his cock while he pushed you to new heights. He liked the sticky, sweaty sex that left you feeling like a used rag beneath him, something you would have never expected given his neat and kind nature.
However, as with all things Jungkook, you always came first. Jungkook’s dream sex style was often pushed to the side in favor of pleasuring you. So quick and rough sex was more of a rare, once in a blue moon, type of luxury. Up until recently, sex had been mostly what you wanted. Either way you did things, Jungkook was fine as long as he got to hold you close.
It was only a few weeks ago that you discovered your shared daddy kink, him obsessed with the idea of shoving you around, something he would otherwise never do. You, on the other hand, found a pleasant satisfaction from being good for him, a stark contrast from your usual sharp tongue and nonexistent filter.
You pull your fingers from his mouth, the sleek drip of your arousal replaced with his saliva. Jungkook grunts as he hauls you further onto his lap, swollen cock nudging itself between your cheeks. “You know I love it, baby,” he growls against your ear. His hot breath fans over your skin, sending shivers down your spine. “Have you had your fun now?” he asks, tracing the pads of his fingers around your nipple teasingly.
“Mhm,” you moan. Jungkook’s hands decide they’re done toying with your tits, drifting back down to their original target between your shorts. “Want Daddy to fuck me now.”
He places a kiss against the side of your neck, right over the vein that runs beneath the skin. Jungkook kisses and nips down your skin, until his hair is tickling your collarbones as he sucks a hickey against the juncture between your neck and shoulder. “Is that the right way to ask for something?” he purrs, rubbing your cunt over your shorts.
It’s nowhere near as fulfilling as it would be without the garments. Nonetheless, it makes you ache for him, thighs quivering at the simple touch like you’re a bumbling virgin being touched for the first time. You’re nowhere near that, but every time with Jungkook was exhilarating enough to the point it felt like it was.
“Pretty please,” you pant, covering his hand with yours.
Jungkook rewards you with a fluttery kiss against your shoulder. “Good girl,” he hums. He finally gives you what you want, bypassing the fabric of your shorts and panties to dip his fingers between your folds. You gasp, hips jumping at the sudden brush of his hands along your quivering folds.
“Inside please,” you whimper, knees moving back and forth, only stopping when he helps you out of your bottoms. He places his free hand on one of them, stilling your writhing to fully focus on pleasing the burning fire inside of you. “Jungkook—“
A slap against your cunt that makes you squeal. “Ah ah,” he warns, voice a low tenor against your skin. If you focus hard enough, you can feel the faint brush of a smirk against your neck. “We’re playing a different game right now, pretty girl.”
On screen, your favorite childhood movie is bearing witness to the sinful acts at your boyfriend’s hands. It shouldn’t be surprising how easily you fall into his arms, onto his lap, especially with your history of movie watching with Jungkook.
From your very first date you were enamored with him; the dip of his Cupid’s bow, so innocent and cute, embodied every single aspect of his personality. He was the sweetest, softest boy, one your brain could never conjure in a thousand years. Jungkook’s level of care was hard to come by nowadays; he was a gentleman through and through.
These days he was growing out of that mature persona, and you like to think it’s thanks to you. Your wildness rubbed off on him, made him confident enough to geek out in public, or be adventurous in private. It helped nourish his impulsivity, which led to things like the Super Bowl Jumbotron watching you fuck now.
Despite knowing all this, knowing the way he is, the slow grind against your ass sends a thrill of arousal up your limbs, sensations converging just beneath your mound. “Yes, Daddy,” you mewl accordingly.
Pleased with your obedience, he rewards you by circling your throbbing clit with his thumb. It’s a terribly slow motion, pad of his finger easing over your engorged bud every other second. You wanted more, needed more. You squirm beneath him, attempting to push your clit against his palm. Your efforts are in vain when he clamps a hand down on your waist. “Sit still,” he growls.
You whimper. “Need more,” you rasp out. Your whole body is acting out now, shifting and turning as you try to wiggle closer. Your mouth brushes against his jawline. The sharp angle is the first thing your muddled thoughts focus on, lips hungrily latching onto his porcelain skin to suck a purple blossom onto it.
Any other day Jungkook would bask in the attention, let you bruise his skin up until he was violet from love.
Today... well.
You were playing a different game.
The hand that had been exploring your nether regions suddenly snaps up, catching your chin between his fingers. The wetness that has coated his digits smears messily across your skin, and you whimper when he squishes your cheeks beneath his fingers.
“No ‘please’?” he huffs, turning your head to meet his eyes.
Dark chocolate eyes you’ve come to associate with love and adoration stare back at you unimpressed. His pronounced brow bone twitches, like he’s holding the true intensity of his glare back for your own sake. He slots his mouth against yours with no warning, tongue pushing its way past your lips. It’s messy, his tongue licking into your mouth like you’re nothing but a lollipop for him to suck on. It pulls a surprised moan from your lips that he swallows quickly enough, biting down on your lower lip harshly. When he pulls away, he’s got that same bored look on his face. You feel small under such a cold look, shoulders scrunching up damn near your ears in a subtle attempt to hide from him.
The action makes Jungkook scoff as he leans away from you. He leaves you on his lap alone, like a tiny island desperate to join the main land. You shuffle around in a hurry, looping your arms around his neck in a last ditch effort to calm him down. It does nothing for Jungkook, who only prods his tongue along his cheek as he regards you with a calculating gaze.
After a moment, he finally says, “on your knees.”
Your heart falls out of your chest. “Huh?” you whisper hoarsely, wide eyes taking in his unimpressed expression. “Knees? But Daddy,” you whine, lower lip quivering as you glance down at the hardwood floor.
Anywhere else you wouldn’t have minded. In fact, anywhere else you would’ve been on the floor before the sentence even left his mouth. You loved sucking his dick almost as much as he loved eating you out. However your knees were embarrassingly frail against hard flooring, which is why most blowjobs had been administered in the comfort of his bed or the couch. Sometimes on carpeted surfaces, but Jungkook never pushed when he knew you would be aching the whole time.
Which is why his current demand has you standing stiff. “O-On the floor?” you murmur.
The stark truth was that Jungkook had you terribly spoiled. His constant pampering had convinced you you were invincible. His love was practically handed to you on a silver plate, cloth napkin folded like a crane beside it. He had never made you do something you didn’t like, and he had never put you in an uncomfortable position, mentally or physically.
Until now.
Jungkook gestures for the ground with a curt nod. “Is there a problem?” he inquires.
You look back again, eye the dark wood planks beneath you, glossed over enough to make them shine even in this weak light. “No,” you belatedly respond, slowly pushing yourself off his lap and onto your feet. Your big shirt falls back down, covers the tops of your thighs as you stand nude from the waist down. You’re tempted to just yank it down even more, hide beneath the cloth so he doesn’t have to see you whine and bitch about your knees aching.
Jungkook was so cool. He was so suave and composed. He was the opposite of you, which is why the two of you meshed so well together. You’ve thought about it about ten times tonight, but it was true. Despite all that, there were times his mature exterior made you feel small— small and silly. Like now, with him sitting against the sofa, dark eyes tracing up your legs in amusement.
You sink to the ground, very pointedly avoiding his gaze. The wooden slats are cold and hard beneath your knees, your kneecap immediately screaming in discomfort. Jungkook leans forward with his elbows on his knees, messy curls covering half of his face. “You know,” he hums, reaching out to trail his knuckles across your cheekbone. “I kinda like having you like this,” he admits, “below me like the good little girl you are.”
Your breath stutters as it leaves your lungs, fidgeting hands tugging at the front hem of your shirt in a feeble attempt to cover yourself up. Jungkook smirks at the movement, eventually retracting his hand to give you one, condescending pat on the head.
A hearty sigh escapes his lips as he settles back onto the couch cushions. “Keep me entertained, will you?” You gawk, but you know it’s not a question. He reaches over for the remote to turn the volume up on the Barbie movie.
Your favorite song on the entire soundtrack is playing, almost mocking you as you shuffle closer to him. Two hands tentatively placed on his thighs as the two animated maidens flounce around the screen. He doesn’t bat a single lash your way, eyes focused on the huge screen behind you instead.
His sweatpants give away easily, elastic band snapping away from hips. You have to fight that and his boxers down, Jungkook sitting like an immovable boulder in front of you. You barely manage to free his cock— the same jumbo cock you had referred to earlier —and it almost slaps you across the face from the force of its recoil. Your breath catches in your throat, a short-lived squeal as you flinch at the movement.
The sound causes him to look your way, over the bridge of his nose. “Do you mind?” he says scornfully. “I’m trying to watch a movie.”
“S-Sorry,” you stammer, quickly grasping his cock between your fist.
But apparently you’re doing everything wrong tonight. Jungkook hisses. “Shit— would it kill you to lick it first? Like you’re trying to start a damn fire on my cock,” he mumbles, head lolling back to watch the screen again.
You move in slower this time, careful to lick your palm before trying to grab him. When you do, it’s even more delayed, fingers hesitantly tightening around his swollen member. You’re trying to gauge his reaction, worried eyes flickering up to him every few seconds. Jungkook doesn’t object, craning his neck to the side to crack a joint there. With his clearance you carry on.
The strokes are slow at first, hand barely reaching over his tip like he likes. You’re weirdly anxious you’ll mess up for him, make him look at you with contempt. You suppose it’s because of the game you’re playing that you’re on edge. Usually, Jungkook adheres to your rules, soft as they may be, and he never pushes where you don’t want. Tonight, it’s like you’re a show dog desperate to impress her owner. In short, you were his bitch.
You loved it.
As much as you wanted to be good for him, the mere thought of your normally sweet-hearted boyfriend glaring down at you does something to you, makes your pussy clench.
It’ll haunt you for weeks. The image of such unimpressed eyes leveled your way because you couldn’t handle his dick will stain the insides of your eyelids. Even though he’ll brush it off, kiss you and tell you it’s fine, the inner conceited hoe in you will never let it go, will recall the memory every time your hand is under your panties.
Still, you’re terribly desperate to impress him. He was your other half, your lover, your sweetheart, your goddamn king; he deserved only the best— not some half-assed, scaredy-cat blowjob that would leave him reeling back afterwards.
With that belief and a sticky blob of spit later, you’re pushing him into your throat. It’s the first reaction you get since he’d started feeling you up, a deep, raspy groan straight from the pits of hell, that has you working even harder to swallow his cock down. “That’s it,” he pants, carding his fingers through your hair. “Good girl.”
You positively mewl under the praise, tongue growing heavy in your mouth as you swallow more and more of him down. The hard tip of his cock pulses inside, rubbing against your palate and then your throat. A gag catches in your throat, one you quickly subdue by shifting your hips.
Fuck, he was so big. Just the feeling of his cock brashly rubbing against the corners of your lips has you fantasizing about how he’ll undoubtedly stretch your pussy apart later. You moan, letting your eyes flutter shut as you try to wave those images away.
When his cock hits the back of your throat, you’re ten chapters deep into an erotic novel all about sucking Jungkook‘s dick. If your eyes weren’t already shut you’re certain they’d be at the back of your head anyway. It twitches against your tongue, one thick bead of precum sliding down your throat.
It seems to be the final straw for Jungkook, who clamps a hand down on the back of your head, forcefully pulling you away only to shove you down again. With his grip in your hair, he really goes to town. You whimper at his brutal movements, his cock nudging the back of your throat with every harsh tug of your hair. The slippery, wet glide of his cock against your mouth fills the room with a lewd squelching that drowns out the movie.
Your pussy quivers with each new intrusion, thighs pressing together as if that will quell the searing ache between them. It doesn’t, and when Jungkook finally bursts in your mouth, creamy cum splattering against your tongue and lips, it only grows.
“Fuck,” he growls, pushing you away as he sinks back into the cushions. His chest heaves beneath the material of his t-shirt, sweat dripping down from his hairline. Normally, you’d take this opportunity to crawl back onto his lap, lick and kiss away at his body while he recovered. But truthfully, you were both still new to this whole experience so there were still the occasional lulls between actions.
Sensing your uncertainty, Jungkook tugs you onto his lap. He presses one soft kiss against your cheek, eyes momentarily losing their hard edge to assure you everything is fine. You give him a tiny nod, as if assuring him you’re okay. He presses his mouth to yours, plush lips soothing over your raw lips. It’s brief, the kiss; he guides you through it but switches back quickly. He pulls away and bites down harshly on the side of your neck. “So perfect for me, pretty girl,” he murmurs, soothing his bite over with a swipe of his tongue.
You dissolve into a mushy puddle on his lap, muscles growing weak from his touch. Jungkook kisses down your neck, over your t-shirt clad chest, before he’s nudging you back down onto the cushions. With him looming over you, your body instinctively has you spreading your legs apart. His t-shirt comes up with one yank over his shoulders, sinewy muscles coming into view.
“Yum,” you whisper, hands reaching up to trail over his v-line. They’re quickly slapped away, a startled gasp pulled from your lips as Jungkook takes your wrists in his hands.
One shapely brow is raised in your direction. “Did I say you could touch?” he murmurs, pinning your hands above your head. A gasp catches in your throat from his close proximity. You subconsciously tilt your head up, try to brush your mouth against his, only to be denied with a subtle turn of his face. “How do you want it, pretty?” he asks, releasing the tight grip around your wrists.
Immediately, you latch around his broad shoulders, fingers tracing over the muscles of his arms until they meet at the base of his neck. “However you want,” you purr, pulling him closer until your bodies are aligned, the warm heat of his frame over yours. You kiss the spot beneath his ear once before he trails his lips down.
Jungkook mouths against your shoulder, lips tracing over the juncture where it meets your neck. “Hm,” he hums, taking a tiny sliver of skin between his teeth. “And if I said I wanted it hard?”
His proposal is followed by a slow roll of his hips against your throbbing core, the same dick you had just choked on gliding along your folds. You whimper, toes curling as the pleasure washes over you. Every ridge, ever vein of his hardened cock runs along your sensitive folds, reminding you of the aching flame inside of you. “Th-That’s fine,” you pant, leg lazily thrown over his hip. His hands trail over your waist, collecting your t-shirt as they move up your body until it’s pushed over the swell of your breasts.
When the material is finally discarded off to the side, leaving you in that flimsy bra Jungkook that snaps off, he strikes again. His tongue laps over your collarbone first, pouty lips ghosting over the skin as he makes his way to your breast. He takes one hardened peak into his mouth, drawing a shaky inhale from you. He rolls it between his teeth, tongue flicking the sensitive nub as you squirm beneath him.
Eventually he pulls away with a wet pop. Jungkook smirks, a soft puff of air fanning over your newly bruised skin. “Aren’t you the prettiest little thing.” He pushes away from you with one strong arm, looking down at you with an unreadable expression on his face. “Watch the movie,” he says.
You blink. “Huh?”
Before you know it, he’s tugging you back up onto your feet. He pushes you around, nearly sends you toppling over the coffee table as he positions you to his liking. “Kook!” you exclaim, palms slapping down against the glass tabletop in an effort to catch yourself. Just barely, your reflection glares back up at you.
A tap against your pussy startles you from the sight. “Wha—“
Two hands grab onto your biceps, tugging you up forcefully until your back arches, leaving you bent at a ninety degree angle before him. “Look, sweetheart,” he coos against your ear, voice deep enough that it vibrates through every bone in your body. Your breath stutters in your throat, exhilaration blossoming in your chest. “It’s your favorite movie.”
It is in fact your favorite movie, the same one you had fought tooth and nail just moments prior to watch. On screen, the two damsels are exploring new things in their lives, just how you were experiencing Jungkook’s true intensity for the first time. “It is,” you quietly confirm, back aching from the position.
Jungkook either doesn’t care about your depleting strength or really trusts in you not to faceplant onto his glass coffee table, palms sliding down to the crease of your elbows to hold you. “Tell me what it’s about,” he says
Just as the words leave his mouth, something hard and wet prods against your folds. “Oh,” you cry, fists tightening into balls as the feeling overwhelms you. “Jungkook, please.”
One elbow is let go, and the abrupt release has you scrambling to catch yourself, your glass reflection coming a little too close. This becomes even more difficult when a hand suddenly strikes down hard against your ass, a startled yelp escaping you. Just as quickly as you were released, Jungkook wastes no time snatching your back up, yanking you back until your cunt runs along his cock again.
“C’mon, pretty, thought you knew better,” he sighs playfully.
“I’m sorry,” you whimper, chest heaving with every slow roll of his hips. Your pussy was sopping, desperate to be filled with something. It was even worse knowing his dick was right there, just inches outside of where you need him most. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” you repeat.
Jungkook chuckles, and your heart backflips when he finally begins lining himself up. “It’s okay,” he assures you, in that same gentle tone he uses when you accidentally shove the wrong food down the sink disposal. “Baby’s still learning,” he says, pressing a chaste kiss against your shoulder as he begins pushing himself in. Just the head of his cock proves to be a struggle, swollen tip stretching your entrance wide. There’s an extra sting today from your half-hearted preparation, the both of you relying solely on your own arousal and excitement to let him in. It’s a nice kick.
When he finally pops past that initial tightness, you swear you could transcend into another dimension from the absolute feeling of euphoria that washes over you. “Fuck,” you mewl, fighting against his tight hold. Your efforts are in vain, ultimately choosing to drop your head down as the ecstasy continues to wash over you with each inch he offers you.
A warning squeeze around your wrist. “Language,” Jungkook reprimands, though his voice is strained and light.
You nod mindlessly, toes curling against the wooden floor. “It-It feels so good,” you whine. Your knees wobble dangerously beneath you, until you’re swaying just the slightest bit.
He gives until there’s nothing left, the soft hairs around his dick tickling your lips as he reaches the hilt. “There we go,” he grunts, giving you one final tug to make sure this is as far as he can go. You squeal, the brush against your walls making you ridiculously high. “That’s my girl.”
The praise has your stomach tightening, the pretty images flashing across the screen completely lost on you. You felt so full. The two of you rarely did it like this, without looking at each other straight on, but there was something about Jungkook’s looming figure being distorted by your brain’s memory, his touches wild and unpredictable, that made something inside of you twitch.
“Ohhh,” you whimper, muscles going slack for the briefest moment. The only thing that saves you from falling over is the killer grip on your forearms; when he tugs you up his cock runs along your pulsing walls. “Please, Daddy,” you beg, mouth feeling a thousand times heavier.
“The movie,” he repeats, slowly beginning to pull away from your clenching heat. You moan. “Tell me what it’s about,” he husks, punctuating his seemingly innocent statement with a harsh snap of his hips.
You wail, stumbling forward at the intensity. Still, it’s just a taste of what he has in store for you. He soon picks a pace, not too rushed or slow, as you struggle to keep your eyes open. “I-I don’t know,” you choke out, the images flashing across the gigantic screen practically unrecognizable to your muddled thoughts.
Behind you Jungkook tuts at your incompetence, thrusting forward with an intensity that would have sent you flying if not for the grip he has on you. “You don’t know?” he huffs, tugging your elbows back again as if to secure his grip on you.
His hips are moving fast now, every piston into your warm heat making you tremble. “Fffuck,” you gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he continues ramming his cock into your pulsing hole. You’re met with a harsh yank that pulls you snugly onto his cock, your entire body screaming at the way he nudges against your cervix. Despite the pleasure it gives you, Jungkook seems anything but pleased.
“C’mon,” he huffs, twisting your arms painfully behind your back. “What did we say about that dirty mouth?” His question is followed with a snap of his hips that makes you choke on your spit. “Need you to be good for me, baby,” he groans.
“I-I am good,” you weakly defend, head hanging down limply as you fight to regain some semblance of your senses. But everything feels too much, from the rough push of his hips to the tight grip on your arms. His cock pulls out nearly all the way each time, swollen tip the only thing stopping him. Every thrust makes you quiver, every touch makes you melt.
You suppose he’d been too lenient on you up until now, and that final claim makes him snap. Jungkook scoffs, ramming his dick inside of you. “You’re being fucking terrible right now, doll,” he admits, hammering into you like a crazed man. You sob, the coil in your belly tightening with every brutal shove of his cock. It’s something about the way his composure withers away, all sweetness melting off as he thrusts into your cunt. “I’ve asked you twice now what the damn movie was about, and you didn’t answer either time.”
A hand clamps around your throat suddenly, yanking you up right until his breath fans across your ear. You’re not sure when your eyes had become so teary, but the images flickering across the screen are a foggy mess you couldn’t decipher even if you tried. “__,” he rasps against your ear, his voice scratchy. “Tell me. Now.”
You whimper as he shoves his way back inside, the angry head of his cock testing you. “T-Two girls, one’s a princess,” you cry, knees wobbling as the feeling in your core grows. “They look alike, and-and…”
“And?” Jungkook asks as you trail off, his words followed by a particularly brutal surge of his hips. His cock glides against your walls easily despite the way you clench around him.
“A-And they have problems they wanna avoid,” you stammer, the plot slipping in and out of your mind with every roll of his cock into your core. “So-so they swap places.”
Behind you, Jungkook snorts. “What a stupid fucking movie,” he says meanly, before he begins to piston his cock into you. You’re trembling by now, your orgasm looming over your head with each thrust.
Before you can warn him, the thin string holding you together snaps, the sudden flood of relief making your knees buck dangerously. Jungkook barely has enough time to catch you around the waist, holding you against him as a litany of curses and his name come spewing out of your mouth. “No, no,” you wail, your entire body twitching as the orgasm rolls over you. “Kook— Jungkook!”
“I’ve got you,” he reassures you, fingers holding you tight around the waist. The coffee table you had feared cracking your skull on finally comes to use as you press your hands onto the surface in a feeble attempt to steady yourself.
“I’m sorry,” you whimper, faintly aware of the rock hard cock between your pulsing walls, probably drenched in your cum now. “I-I didn’t—“
He shushes you quickly, settling the two of you back onto the couch. Funnily enough, he doesn’t bother pulling you off of him, his dick snug inside your cunt as he seats you on his lap. “You’re alright, sweetheart,” he comforts, hands soothingly running up your sides. You want to protest, want to get back on your knees and give him another chance to cum all over your face, but Jungkook nudges your chin with a knuckle. “Watch your movie,” he croons.
The Princess and the Pauper is literally the last thing on your mind right now; didn’t he realize how much you wanted to please him? Why was he choosing now to be so stubborn? Oh, that Jeon Jungkook, maybe Doyeon was right to call him an airhead.
Your slander campaign against your boyfriend is cut short when a hand flutters over your mound, thumb idly tracing over your sensitive clit. Before you can turn and look at him, Jungkook is rutting his hips against you slowly. “The screen, baby,” he says, and you want to argue that you can’t possibly enjoy a movie with him being so sneaky beneath you. The words get washed away when he presses down on your clit.
“Koo— Daddy,” you whine, lower lips still trembling from the orgasm you had two minutes ago. Jungkook responds with a kiss against your shoulder, hands trailing around your waist.
“No more of that,” he mumbles as he begins bouncing you on his cock. You moan, every inhale cut short by the shallow thrusts of his cock into your delicate walls. “Just your Kook now.”
“My… Kook,” you pant dreamily. Your cum provides an even better lubricant than before, lewd squelches filling the area alongside your cries as Jungkook chases both your second orgasms.
“Mhmm,” he groans, jostling you over his lap with no rhythm whatsoever. “Yours, baby.” You stretch your hands back, carding one set of fingers through the hair above his ear, pushing the strands away from his face. “Just like you’re mine.”
Something inside of you tightens painfully, and you’re not sure if it’s your heart or your pussy. You guess it’s both, as you stutter out, “y-your pretty girl?” Jungkook hums in agreement, repeating your favorite nickname back to you. The rest of your words die out between the two of you, lost in the slow and soft movements that fill in. You want to tell him you love him, adore him like no other, but every breath of air is stolen away by him.
Eventually the two of your are cumming, your second orgasms much quieter and slower compared to your first. You still mewl, wither against him when you cream his cock, and Jungkook catches you all the same. He guides you through the fog with kisses against your jaw, your dripping pussy helping him through his own.
When all is said and done and you’re both basking in a post-orgasmic make-out, you realize how sweaty and icky you are. “Ugh, this is gross,” you pout as he wiggles you off his lap. He pushes you beside him, letting you flop over the length of the couch as he reaches for something to clean you up with.
“You’re gross,” he retorts softly, blinking in that slow, drawn out way he does when you know he’s sleepy. His t-shirt runs along your neck, collecting the sweat there.
You nudge him with your foot. “I’m not the one who wanted to fuck during a Barbie movie,” you scoff, pinching the skin on his forearm when his gaze lingers a second too long on your creamy pussy. “Look somewhere else, weirdo.”
Jungkook laughs quietly, looking at you with an adoring expression on his face. He doesn’t even finish cleaning you off, tossing the soiled shirt somewhere off to the side in favor of cuddling into you. “Where? My Jumbotron?” he teases, raining down a parade of kisses against your face. “Don't wanna,” he smiles, too soft and boyish for the words that leave his lips next. “Wanna lick your pretty pussy clean.”
“Jeon Jungkook,” you scold, covering your face with your palms in embarrassment. “Look at your stupid IMAX screen and leave me alone.”
He cackles loudly now, in that evil witch way it took him a while to show you, and you know he’s got that big silly grin on his face now. . “The IMAX screen? The same one that made you,” a pause, “climax?”
“Get off of me.”
——
Just as you predicted, Jungkook’s mom gives him the scolding of a lifetime when she drops by the next weekend. The poor woman nearly faints at the theater screen on the wall, only to quickly regain herself. You giggle from your spot on the couch as she whacks his stupidly ripped bicep with the leek you’re supposed to chop up for dinner later.
What you’re not expecting is for her anger to shift to you as she scolds you for letting her idiotic son make such purchases. She gets one playful thwack against your side with the leek before your charming idiotic boyfriend swoops in to save you.
——
Copyright © August 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.
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kurtanaroyalty · 2 years
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Hi<3 I wanted to ask you if new directions were on tumblr, how do you think you would interact with them? And what do you think their blogs would be about?
Oooh I love this question!! Tysm for the ask🥰����
Santana: Mutuals. It was basically confirmed in canon that this girl had a tumblr with her comment about her having a favorite ‘Rizzoli & Isles’ blog.. if that doesn’t scream a tumblr lesbian idk what does lol!! Her entire blog would mainly be devoted to sapphic ships that she would sob about in the tags (think overuse of emojis and keyboard smashes)! She would have a pretty decent following and get quite a few asks where she would give headcanons and meta on her favorite ships. She also wouldn’t tell a soul that she’s on there but Brittany would find out and lovingly tease her about it.
Tina: I follow her but she doesn’t follow me. She would be on tumblr constantly! She would have one of those super popular multifandom blogs that makes the most crisp gifs and has hundreds of requests waiting in her inbox. At first you’d be a bit intimidated by her until you realize she is the sweetest and is always super nice about giving tips and resources for gif making!
Sam: I don’t follow him but he follows me. His tumblr would consist of almost 100% memes with no organization/tagging system. Instead of tags, he would leave comments under posts like “woah this is sick dude 🤩” or “nice!!! 👍” which would in turn make a good amount of people block him because they would think he’s some bot or sarcastic troll when in reality they are always genuine comments. He would be the king of spam reblogging to the point that if you did follow him he would overwhelm your dash. Though, every once and awhile there would be a very detailed & coherent post by him about ‘True Jackson, VP’ with links to a petition to get it renewed/rebooted.
Blaine: Mutuals. You just know he would make the best tumblr mutual! He would definitely be that one mutual that you can always count on to like and reblog your content and he would leave the most thoughtful tags. His blog would be a variety of all his interests (he originally tried to have separate side blogs but it was too much for him to keep up with!) but it’s extremely well organized and mainly runs on a queue.
Kurt: I follow him but he doesn’t follow me. His tumblr would be very curated and definitely fit a certain aesthetic. I picture it mostly consisting of reblogs of fashion, films, art, food, etc. But multiple times a week he would post blank text posts with super long rants in the tags with a lot of cussing and the last tag would be #delete later.
Brittany: Mutuals. Everything she posts would be super cheerful & colorful (envision loads of rainbows & cats). She is known for sending asks since she absolutely loves sending her mutuals the most offbeat questions. You can also always rely on her if you’re having a bad day to send you a random quote or fact that will make you smile.
Mike: Mutuals. He would truly have the most chill blog and reblog anything that catches his eye but not in a way where it overloads your dash. He also is someone who follows back almost everyone who follows him and sends a lot of kind asks & leaves nice tags on your original content. He would never get involved in any fandom drama and would only have one filtered tag which is ‘Channing Tatum’.
Puck: Mutuals (mostly for entertainment purposes on my end). He’d be the one to act like he’s never even heard of tumblr but secretly runs his own fic blog mainly for the soap opera he compulsively watches with his mom & sister. He also occasionally enjoys posting snippets of the various screenplays he’s working on. He prides himself on staying anonymous so he uses a pen name and changes the names of everyone he writes about but does an awful job at picking out new names (changes Puck to Huck, Finn to Binn, etc)!
Finn: Neither one of us follows one another. Actually didn’t know what tumblr was until he saw the app on Puck’s phone and noticed him spending a lot of time on it so he got curious. Months later he still has no clue on what the point of tumblr is and has pretty much given up on trying to properly use it. He has a few text posts screaming into the void but they have no engagement. Though he did somehow link his instagram so that still updates.
Mercedes: Mutuals. Her tumblr consists mainly of reblogs for her favorite celebrities, tv shows, & movies. She also has gotten into the habit of live blogging for a few of her top shows and her commentary is so good that you wouldn’t dare to unfollow her or filter her tags for it, even for the shows you didn’t have any interest in previously. She’s the mutual that has such great taste that you find her continuing to influence what media you want to consume next!
Quinn: Mutuals. Her blog is a mix of literature, art, philosophy etc which does make it have an overall pretty “classy” feel but the vast majority of it is also just very, very, very, gay.. to the point where half of what she reblogs is of women kissing/being affectionate with one another. She also eventually dabbles in writing some femslash & it’s very good stuff…
Artie: Neither one of us follows one another. Has a decent following due to his film reviews (he also blocks anyone who disagrees with any of his opinions). He’s also heavily involved in various popular fandoms like Star Wars and Marvel which leads to him getting into some very intense discourse which results in more blocking.
Rachel: Mutuals (on thin ice). Posts super nice aesthetics & moodboards. Though unfortunately, she would be that tumblr mutual who gets into heated debates with anons constantly and is such an easy target because she can’t recognize when people are trolling her so she takes the bait every time. But, fairly often it does get to the point where she actually ends up exhausting the anons with her long written responses.
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criminalmindsvibez · 3 years
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I will talk to you about autistic spencer reid! I'm working on a fic right now so that's where my brain is! here are some of my headcanons:
- he doesn't like computers/tablets because he has a hard time reading on screens, which is why garcia makes him a hard copy of the files... however he likes typing as a stim so he has a typewriter at home as well as a mechanical keyboard that he doesn't have plugged into anything
- garcia (ok I should state I think garcia is like his neurodivergent buddy so they help each other out lol) anyway she wears spinner rings to fidget with and sometimes reid will just like grab her hand and start playing with her rings
- the whole team knows he has a tendency to hyperfocus on cases so they make sure to take turns reminding him to take breaks and eat and drink water
- they keep a weighted blanket on the jet for him
- he has sort of a "coming out" to every member of the team at some point when he feels comfortable sharing his diagnosis (this is what my fic is gonna be about actually)
- he didn't get diagnosed until he was 18 and could make medical decisions without his parents having to be involved but he kinda knew for a long time before that
I would love to hear your headcanons too!!
omg I love this!! you have such amazing headcanons that now I definitely have to think of amazing ones to give back (also I would love to be tagged in your fic when you post it!!):
going off the technology thing, when the BAU originally switched to more electronic based systems, Spencer ended up having a meltdown because of the combination of the sudden change in his routine and his dislike of technology. from that point forward Penelope makes sure to keep all of his things on hard copies as much as possible.
Penelope is always discovering new fidget toys online and consistently has Spencer test them out with her. Her office ends up being totally filled with them and they essentially become a staple of the BAU. Spencer prefers chewelry and tangles while Penelope likes stim jewelry (like fidget rings) and stress balls.
the first person he ever tells about his autism diagnosis on the team is Emily. She had always been the person he went to with all of his secrets and so it was just natural that he tell her first. in turn, Emily tells him about her adhd and they form a sort of bond over their neurodivergent traits. where his bond with Penelope is unspoken and they’ve never really acknowledged it, his bond with Emily is very much intentional where they both know about each other’s struggles.
The reason Spencer really started to enjoy reading as a child was in part because he used it as an escape but it also appeased a lot of his sensory issues. The feelings of pages and book covers are a nice stim for him and the library always had the perfect lighting and noise level for him to feel comfortable.
When he’s nonverbal or semi verbal he’s still able to repeat other peoples words, just not form his own. This means he often speaks using lines from his favorite poems or movies. This is especially easy for him because of his eidetic memory.
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its-me-im-coraline · 3 years
Text
A tie between us and some hope // E.T.
words // 1505
warnings // a little bit of angst but overall fluff
pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader
author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. ooof im really feeling like a mess today i hope it does not show on this one, i thought i'd feel better than yesterday but my mental state is worse todays... anyway, my oversharing ends here, i hope you enjoy this lovies!! oh also, i am using some epithets (lol) in italian with the endings in -o because i can not for the love of me find specifically gn pet names on the internet or im just bad at looking but i am tired of only ever using 'amore' lol.
request // yes through a reblog so i will not link it right now
summary // Part three of Secrets and fights and Torna a casa. After Ethan showed up in readers house that night the two have started trying to work on being together again. But there are always new problems to arise.
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After that night passed, when Ethan had found himself on his love’s doorstep things started looking up. The man started being more consistent in taking care of himself, finally feeling like his able to breathe, like things were taking their rightful place again. He kept himself and his space put together, finding himself far out of the rut he was put into after the short-lived breakup.
Although things seemed to be better, nothing was yet back to how it was between him and Y/N. The two found themselves constantly around each other, be it little dates around the city- not caring about paparazzi at this point, other times just staying in and cuddling while watching a movie, or even going on a walk some nights, smoking and joking while talking about the deepest and shallowest things the pair could think of. It felt as if the intimacy that was previously been built had not gone away, it was still there, strong as ever, the trust being hard to be built again.
“Goodmorning, dolcesso,” uttered the man, a soft smile on his face as he walked through the open door, a bag of fresh pastries in his hands, the refreshing smell of coffee embracing his presence in the small home.
Y/N, barely awake, but always with a deep love for the pastries Ethan picked up, moved towards him, taking the bag from his hands, humming in appreciation as they opened it, looking at today’s picks. “These smell wonderful, Ethan,” they mumbled before taking a bite from the first one they found.
He smiled a bit, looking at the person before him, mumbling a quiet response. “I always pick the best ones for you, beautiful.”
If it was possible to fall in love with a person again, then Ethan was definitely living that moment when Y/N gave him the stupidest and most childish smile, a spark in their eyes he missed while they were awake.
How could I have said those things to them, he thought while looking at said person enjoying their breakfast standing in front of the small kitchen and admiring the minimal city view. It was not much but it surely was something they enjoyed watching in the mornings or as the sun set. No matter how bad it would imprint on the photos they took, it was a breathtaking view they never got enough of.
Just another thing Ethan loved about them, finding such beauty in something so seemingly insignificant. He loved looking at them in moments like that, knowing how much in a trance they were, too deep in the beauty their eyes took in to say anything. Before the man could stop himself he utter the same three words from a few nights ago, “I love you”.
Y/N’s eyes widened, the information was not new but they did not expect this to be brought up again any time soon. “Ethan - I-I, uh-”
“You don’t have to say it back, cucciolo. I know how I feel, I am very sure of that. You don’t have to be there yet, you don’t have to say it… Not after what I said.”
They took a deep breath at that, one they had not realized they held back, still feeling guilty about their inability to simply say words. It is not that they did not feel it, was it?
It was not the last time this would happen. Only a few nights later, a similar incident occurred, Ethan admiring the person he is in love with, their eyes focused on their book, or at least trying to in the dark light they found themselves, a cigarette alternating from their lips to the ashtray on their side, looking like the perfect view at the side of the beach. Considering how hot the weather had been, the pair and their friends agreed on a field trip, the idea being they would either camp there that night or book a hotel room last minute. No one was going to drive that night, no one had to worry about having some alcohol in their system, so beers were a big thing around them, being passed back and forth.
“Hey, Y/N, do you want a beer?” Asked Victoria, getting up to pick one for her self, the other person nodding before she gave them their beer.
“I’d ask you as well Ethan, but seems you are too drunk on Y/N to drink any more beer,” she commented bringing forth a heatwave to happen on Y/N’s face and causing a big grin to cover the drummer’s face.
“What can I say? Can’t hide that I love them, can I?” Everyone laughed it off, Y/N included, but they felt slightly uncomfortable at the man’s words.
They had thought about it last time Ethan brought his feelings forth, knowing very well how they felt the same. They simply could not bring themselves to say it back. Maybe it had something to do with their life before him, and they would have a hard time saying it anyway, or maybe it had something to do with the loss of trust in the man after the pictures of the two kissing. Did he really love them if he was willing to say those things.
“Stop worrying so much about it, amore,” whispered Ethan, noticing Y/N’s state. “I told you, you don’t have to say it back, every one takes a different amount of time to do that.”
His tone and expression were reassuring but they knew this was hurting him a lot on the inside. So they apologized, looking down, ashamed, unsure… The whole situation created a whirlwind in their mind they could not control at the moment, instead opting for jumping into the cold water of the sea beside them, being sure that a bit of swimming would clear up their thoughts.
The same incident happened a few more times, Ethan never being able to contain his words, justifying it by saying how “I am simply trying to remind you that I meant what I said that night”. But Y/N was feeling pressured, as if the man was giving them a timeline, a reminder that they need to decide or it will be to late. One night, they could not take it any more, so they simply confronted him about it. He had just said it again, thankfully they were alone this time, meaning they could say all that they wanted.
“Why do you keep saying that, Ethan?”
“What do you even mean by that, Y/N?” He was simply taken aback, expecting everything but such anger after mentioning how he loves them.
“You keep saying how you love me, and you simply remind me of it, but man does it feel like you are trying to pry these words out of my mouth.”
“I would never do that and you know it!” Now the man was getting fed up as well. How could they accuse him of such thing?!
“Do I, Ethan? Do you even truly love me?”
“Wha- of course I do! What is this? Where is this coming from?”
“Did you love me when the photos of us came to the public?” They asked, voice now quiet, a contrast to their previous tone.
“What are you talking about amore, of course I did,” he responded just as softly, placing the palm of his hand over their face, swiftly collecting the few tears falling from their eyes. “Why are you crying, my love? What are you thinking?”
Y/N could not take it any more, they broke down in seconds, falling into Ethan’s open arms, soft sobs leaving their lips. “You- you said all those things that morning, a-and,” they hiccuped, “I-I am scared, Ethan…”
Their eyes were cast to the floor but Ethan could still see all the thoughts behind them. He finally realized what was happening, so he placed a kiss on their forehead, prompting them to finish their thought. “Could you really say those things if you loved me?” They whispered, moving away from the tall Italian, eyes cast to the floor and ever meeting his.
“Hey, hey look at me! What I said that morning came from a place of anxiety, overwhelming one at that. It does not mean it’s ok that I said that, of course not. But never doubt how much I love you, Y/N.” He paused for a second, his voice trembling as the words came out.
“Cause I do, and I did, but I could not control my emotions, instead I ended hurting yours. I don’t how many times I’ve apologized, but I will apologize that many more. I am sorry, sorry I made you feel so horrible, sorry for all the things I said, sorry for everything.” He said just as softly as before, hands cupping their face before leaving a deep kiss there.
“I love you,” finally said Y/N, feeling more sure and secure than they have for a while.
tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11
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makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 290: It’s Touya Time
Previously on BnHA: Iida and Hadou showed up like a couple of Pennsylvanias and Georgias to bail Shouto out at the last minute. Ochako and Toga had an exceptionally strange fight which consisted of Toga being all “guess what Ochako, I used your quirk to murder someone, how do you feel about that”, and Ochako being all “I do not like that”, to which Toga was all “:(”. There was some doll-stealing and some bookcase-yeeting, and then Toga left in tears because Ochako was all adamant that murder has consequences. Anyway so I have absolutely no idea what Toga is thinking now, but I guess we’ll have some time to stew on it, because we ended the chapter by cutting back to the Iida+Hadou+Shouto VS Afomura battle, which was interrupted by Gigantomachia and the LoV showing up like a bunch of Floridas to ruin everyone’s nice day.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi hands the mic over to Dabi and is all “take it away, kid.” Over in Room 315 of Musutafu General, Rei is all “may I please watch some TV” and the hospital staff is all “sure”, and so she tunes in just in time to catch Todoroki Touya’s Peabody Award-winning documentary “Number One Hero, Number One Fraud: The Todoroki Enji Story”, which is being broadcast nationwide courtesy of Skeptic and his magic laptop. Meanwhile in Jakku, Dabi is all “I’M TOUYA, BITCHES”, and Shouto and Enji are all, “(゜◇゜ )”, and Dabi is all, “anyway so just to sum it all up, because of how much of a jerk Endeavor was, I am now Evil.” Everyone continues to be all “(゚o゚)” except for Dabi, who is all “└(˘▾˘┌ )≡ ( ┐˘▾˘)┘≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛≡┏( ˘▾˘)┓≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛” for pretty much the rest of the chapter. Idk. Just let the man have his fun, guys. He’s waited a long time for this.
y’all I have a confession to make. I am technically not spoiled for this chapter thanks to my robustly paranoid system of spoiler-tag-filtering, which is extensive enough that it pretty much will catch whenever someone so much as breathes something even remotely new-chapter-related. that being said, I like to think that I am capable of making basic logical inferences! and so the fact that for the past 36 hours, my dashboard has pretty much nonstop consisted almost entirely of this...
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...has led me to conclude that MAYBE, POSSIBLY, PROBABLY, BUT ALSO DEFINITELY, a certain someone is finally going to reveal his ~secret identity~ woop woop. lmao
anyway so everyone, please remember to act surprised though, as we would not want Dabi’s feelings to be hurt at all. he has been planning this moment for the last decade or so and I wouldn’t want him to feel like all of that effort was for naught. so just play along, okay. OH MY, IF IT ISN’T THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ MYSTERIOUS DABI. WHATEVER COULD HIS ARRIVAL POSSIBLY BE HERALDING, I JUST DON’T KNOW
“Dabi’s Dance” lmao. I’m sticking with Touya Time myself. ngl I had this recap title planned out for at least the past year or so. just waiting for that day to finally come
anyway so some people in some building somewhere are all “TURN OFF THE TV IN ROOM 315” and idk. I’m guessing the LoV is hacking the airwaves to livestream the reveal, as predicted
-- oh shit. UHHHHHHHH
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did she always have this TV or did she get it just recently?? jfc of all the times for the hospital staff to finally loosen up
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um... so that’s... (・_・;)
well but I mean, she was gonna find out one way or the other at some point though. like you can’t really just keep her locked up and isolated from all news of the outside world forever and ever and ever. granted, this isn’t exactly the ideal way for her to learn this particular bit of information, but it’s not really ideal for anybody else either! EXCEPT DABI, THAT IS. have yourself a day you funky little terrorist
oh shit what is this?? it’s not live???
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over in Jakku, a red-faced, sputtering Dabi makes a frantic grab for Skeptic’s laptop. “WAIT, NO, JESUS, NOT THAT TAPE!”
lol. but seriously Dabi are you even wearing a shirt. like I’m not one to slutshame anyone bro, but it’s just, exactly what type of mood were you looking to set here??
anyway so we really are cutting back to Jakku now, and Gigantomachia is all, “MASTERS”! which, I wonder if he really did use the plural? that’s right Machia, both of them in one place now! that sure is convenient for you huh
lol what is this with all this AFO monologuing. you’re really gonna make me read through this when I’m sitting here all sleep-deprived from election week. JUST GET TO THE TOUYAS. WE WERE PROMISED TOUYAS!!
sigh
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“tee hee it’s fucking hilarious how goddamn powerful I am now lol”
alas, in spite of myself I do have two serious takeaways from this. one is that AFO is still controlling most of Tomura’s body behind the scenes, which both does and doesn’t bode well for Tomura (like, at least he’s not dying, but the long-term implications of this for his free will and such certainly are not Good). and two is that this confirms that Ujiko did give Tomura at least one powerful mutant quirk, which explains why he was still so deadly and indestructible even when Aizawa was using Erasure on him (since Erasure doesn’t work on mutant quirks, just emitter and transformation ones)
MEANWHILE ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “TODOROKI SHOUTO’S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD LIFE”
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I like how he doesn’t actually say that he can’t take on Gigantomachia. just that he can’t take on him and Afomura at the same time. that’s confidence, baby. that right there is why you always draft Todoroki Shouto in the first round for your fantasy team
HADOU!!!!
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OOOH, TOMURA’S ALL “MAN, THIS GIRL’S WAVE POWERS AND THIS KID’S ICE POWERS ARE A SUPER-STRONG COMBO DAGNABBIT.” YESSS I LIKE THAT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW COOL AND POWERFUL THEY ARE
HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT
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um but not to take away from this exceptionally cool moment or anything, but why is Endeavor dying and shouting “RUN” down there in the corner um
oh
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excuse me. not to take away from How Bad This All Is, but!!
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just a little, smol, IidaBaku for everyone. Iida, who apparently doesn’t know a damn thing about first aid and is all, “hmm that’s a pretty bad-looking puncture wound he has in his left shoulder there, I think I’ll just let his arm dangle freely like that and I won’t bother taking off his heavy gauntlets either. I mean. he’ll be fine, probably.” smh. at least Shouto probably cauterized the wounds
EXCUSE ME WHAT
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TIME FOR MORE OF THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED SHOUNEN RIDICULOUSNESS I GUESS LMAO. KACCHAN YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO. THERE IS A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, AND YOU LOST LIKE FOUR GALLONS OF BLOOD, BUT SURE. “PUT ME DOWN” HE SAYS. FIRST OF ALL, PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE CONSCIOUS, THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO DO, LIE DOWN AT THEM?? LISTEN, YOU SWEET IDIOT. TAKE HEED, BELOVED DUMBASS!!
ah well. I guess he gets to watch the Touya Show now too then lol
LMAOOOO now Machia’s lifting Tomura carefully in his palm like a broken action figure and Spinner is all “THE FUCK, YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER”
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“oh hey there Spinner. well let’s see, I woke up from my three-month coma and destroyed a city, had my body incinerated, and am currently being possessed by a diabolically evil potato. but please, tell me more about everything you've been through”
AW YISS AND THE FOCUS NOW SHIFTS TO THE TODOROKIS. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING EXACTLY AS WE HAVE FORESEEN
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Endeavor my dude. it’s as if you want to die here. also holy shit, that bit about his lungs definitely does not bode well for him either
MOTHERFUCKER
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GO AHEAD AND SIGN YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE, WHY DON’T YOU!! FLAGS UPON FLAGS. JESUS CHRIST
meanwhile Dabi’s just waving at ‘em
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lmaoooo please oh please Caleb please keep this ‘EYYYYYYY’, it’s fucking perfect kdlshk;hg
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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(ETA: so as you will see very shortly, I completely missed this detail in my first read-through because I was so anxious to get to the reveal page, but THIS MOTHERFUCKER LITERALLY DOUSED HIMSELF WITH INSTANT HAIR DYE REMOVER THAT HE’S JUST BEEN CARRYING AROUND IN A LITTLE HIP POUCH APPRENTLY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE NO WORDS.)
IS THIS THE TIME. IS THIS THE MOMENT?! HERE IT COMES SLKFHS BRACE YERSELVES LADS
EYYYYYYYYYYYY
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OKAY EVERYONE JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!! SURPRISED FACES ON THREE! ONE... TWO... (•̪ o •̪) !! okay how was that
LMAO ENDEAVOR
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at least Shouto looks properly stunned. Enji just looks like endeavor.exe just straight up stopped working
meanwhile Deku’s out here trying to do the math on this latest surprise family reveal! first Tomura is related to Nana, and now this. what’s next. who are you related to, Spinner. he rips off his boots to reveal engine legs and declares himself Iida’s long-lost uncle
oh shit Touya
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it’s as if a million fanworks suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly jossed. who knew that all this time he was secretly sporting a crop top scar
also, THIRTY?! holy shit son you been busy
la la la two-page spread of Touya casually driving the dagger into Endeavor’s hero career and rocking the foundations of hero society as we know it la la la
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la la la!!!
OH IS THAT THE END OF THE STORY THEN
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almost got confused for a sec. there’s two monologues happening at once here. Endeavor doesn’t even know that his dirty laundry is being aired out nation-wide as we speak ffffff
btw while I appreciate the close-ups of Enji and Shouto here for sure, ngl I would also really love to see everyone else’s reactions right now. SHOW ME BAKUGOU AND THE LOV YOU COWARDS
is his hair actually turning white all of a sudden?? your hair dye just reacts on command??
(ETA: in all seriousness though, the hell kind of hair dye was he using? all he has to do is pour a bottle of that stuff and not even lather it in and it’s just gone just like that?? what the fuck would have have done if it ever rained lmao.
and this motherfucker just goes and leaves the dye remover in afterwards, too. I have never dyed my hair in my life and even I can tell you that’s probably not a good idea, Dabi.)
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is this it. is this the legendary Dabi Dance in action. lmfao
oh hey what the fuck
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so you figured you’d just murder your innocent younger brother to get revenge on dad, huh. well that’s nice
is that really all there is to the origin story though?? feels like we’re still missing a huge chunk of it. what was it that finally sent him over the edge? or was the trauma of being created as Endeavor’s perfect little hero tool and then being subsequently rejected by him enough on its own? because I’m still kind of confused on the part where he goes from “abused and discarded by his father” to “killed thirty people and was plotting the murder of his own brother” to tell you the truth
(ETA: lmao the initial fandom reaction to this did not disappoint. listen guys. people can be traumatized and shaped by awful circumstances that are completely out of their control, and grow up to be people they wouldn’t have grown up to be if things had been better, and all of that absolutely sucks, but. it doesn’t mean they get a get-out-of-jail-free card for all of their future actions, either! the tragedy of this situation is that terrible things happened to Touya, and he then went on to do terrible things himself. the tragedy of it is that this is exactly how the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself on and on and on. maybe one of the people Dabi killed had a child who will now grow up traumatized themselves, and potentially go on to pay it forward themselves when they grow up. the tragedy is that the eye-for-an-eye justice that Touya is seeking out won’t actually make anything better in the end. the tragedy is that we understand why Touya is so angry, but that anger has basically warped him into the gleefully sadistic dancing figure we see in this chapter who has stopped caring about anyone else’s pain or suffering and just wants his own revenge.
anyway. basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible for the concepts of “Todoroki Touya was an innocent child and a victim of abuse” and “Dabi is a grown-ass motherfucking adult who killed thirty people and PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT” to coexist lol. like, y’all wanted your moral grey, well HERE YOU GO lmao, eat up.)
lol but LOOK AT THAT BOY DANCE HIS LITTLE HEART OUT though
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Todoroki Touya confirmed not a fan of the Endeavor redemption arc huh. well we all saw this coming lols
anyways here’s a sexy Touya for y’all
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you really are the most theatrical bitch I s2g lmao
also for real though, what is happening with his hair? anime team in shambles here. they’re probably just gonna double down and keep it red. too bad though cuz this is a surprisingly good look on him
SO MANY CLOSE-UPS OF THE TODOROKI FACES
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friendly reminder that Dabi without a doubt REHEARSED this speech like a thousand fucking times. LET US FALL TOGETHER!! COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL. apparently if you fake your own death in middle school you will never mentally age past that point and will remain a permanent chuuni
OH LMAO THAT’S THE END
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we really just gonna end on “DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL”, huh. very well then. you know what song to play, Horikoshi. one, two... YOU ARE MY DAD. YOU’RE MY DAD!! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE
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athenasbloodyspear · 3 years
Text
Don’t Make Me Beg Now Baby
CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS
Hello fellow Greta Van Freaks. This is my very first Greta fic! I hope you enjoy.
MASTERLIST
Note: This fic contains mature themes, discussions of past non-con (no members of GVF involved) and drug use. Minors DNI. 18+ only and please take care of yourselves. (See Ao3 for full tag list)
You can also read this fic on Ao3 if you prefer!
Jake Kiszka x Original Female Character
Picture this: The boys are in Northern Michigan to write the new album and they meet a wild young woman who works at a local record store who has a rough history with rock bands.
She doesn’t want to fall into the same traps she fell into before. He doesn’t want to hurt her.
The rest of them just want them to figure their shit out.
Note: While this fic is based on the members of Greta Van Fleet, I obviously do not know them personally (lol) and nearly 99% of this is a fever dream I decided to write down. Some tid bits are based on things said in interviews/photos/songs but please do not come for my neck if you dislike my portrayals as this is a STORY that I have entirely made up.
This will be a slow burn, overly dramatic, cliché fest of me missing my Mitten State and wishing more than anything I could move back home. Their music makes me homesick and for that I’ll never forgive them. ;)
Chapter Under the Cut
CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS
The tiny bell on the door to “The Edge” clanked as Jake pushed his way in, followed by Josh, Sam and Danny. The afternoon sun streamed through the slats in the windows at a harsh angle, illuminating the swirling dust. The boys all immediately took a deep breath. They all loved the smell of this place. A mix of dusty old vinyl's, incense and weed. 
The Edge was the shop owned by an old friend, Levi, who had been a longtime family friend of the Kiszka’s. The boys had made the near three hour drive to the shop whenever they had a spare weekend in their younger years. They bought Levi out of his guitar strings and drumsticks and always looked through the boxes of vinyl's hoping to find treasures. Levi sold an eclectic mix of music equipment, records, books, home goods and comically horrific coffee. 
The Edge is where they had each bought their very first instruments, had their first beers and even smoked their first joint. It was a special place for them. 
The old wood floors creaked with every step, the wood walls were covered with old articles from Rolling Stone, photos Levi had taken and autographs from the artists who had cycled through the place over the years. There were stacks upon stacks of vinyl's. Shelves of old autobiographies and music theory books. There were speakers stacked from floor to ceiling, and the whole right side of the store was jam packed with basses and guitars. The back corner had a few keyboards and a drum set, but plenty of catalogues to pick even more instruments from. There were cases of drumsticks and guitar picks and strings. The middle of the store had tables full of incense, candles and interesting home goods. There were tables where local artists sold jewelry, art pieces and furniture. It was full to the brim, most shelves rising way up to the ceiling. Most needed a ladder to reach the top. The basement had a sound studio with even more equipment set up to be used to record, or to test out. 
Levi had inherited the place from his father, who had built up quite a legendary roster of friends over his years. The shop was just off Front Street on the main drag of Traverse City. Levi’s father had made a name for himself as a great host to bands looking to escape to northern Michigan to hole up in cabins and write albums. Levi continued the tradition and took it a step further by buying the space next door and turning it into a club with live music on the weekends. 
If you were lucky, you could catch some super huge bands playing for only about 100 people in the dark side room of The Edge. 
“You bastards finally made it!” Levi called out as he came sauntering out of the back room. Levi looked the exact same as the last time the boys had seen him. Tanned skin from his days paddle boarding and hiking along the Lake Michigan shore, sandy blonde hair that was brighter in the summer, perpetual 5-o-clock shadow because he just couldn’t be bothered to shave, shell necklace around his neck, light wash jeans low on his hips with the same old cowboy boots he’d been wearing since the boys were 12. 
“Is that grey hair I see Levi?” Josh leaned forward with an exaggerated squint. Levi laughed, snagging Josh’s head to give him a noogie. 
“I may be older than you punks by a few years, but I’m not greying yet.” Levi released Josh from his headlock and gave him a shove. 
“I’d say 37 is more than a few years older than us, grandpa.” Sam snarked. 
“You’re makin me regret extending my hospitality, kid.” 
Jake felt himself relax fully for the first time in a really long time. It was just like old times. Exactly what the boys needed. 
“Welcome back dudes. I’m surprised I’m still cool enough for you Rockstar types.” Levi crossed his legs and leaned back against the front counter. 
“We’ll never be too cool for The Edge. This place will always be way cooler than we could ever be.” Danny piped up, walking forward to wrap Levi in a hug. 
“It’s been too long man.” Levi commented as he smacked Danny on the back. 
“We know.” Sam said “Way too fuckin long.” He hugged Levi next. Josh and Jake followed up with hugs next. The room was heavy with a tinge of melancholy. Old friends who had missed each other finally reunited. 
“Well, have you guys been to the house yet?” Levi stepped around the counter and started pouring four cups of the famous nasty coffee. 
“Yeah we dropped our bags off before we headed into town.” Danny spoke up. 
“Isn’t it sweet?” Levi asked enthusiastically. 
“It’s wicked man. Thanks so much for getting that set up for us.” Josh grinned as he snagged a cup off the counter. 
The house was a mid century modern cabin right on the east bay shore. It came equipped with a huge garage studio, front deck and a dock out into the bay. Levi had bought the house in foreclosure and along with help from a bunch of locals (in exchange for beer of course) they turned the house into a perfect getaway for any artists looking to come take a break up north. The place had five bedrooms and three bathrooms with a giant living room with overstuffed couches and velvet chairs. The walls were covered in art and the shelves were full to bursting with plants. It was a kaleidoscope of colors and textures,  with mix matched rugs and lamps. It was Levi’s pride and joy. 
“I’m so glad you guys like it.” Levi smiled even bigger as he passed coffees to the rest of the boys. “Once you’re a little more settled, feel free to send me a list of equipment you want me to set up downstairs and you can start coming in whenever to work. But also, I think you should probably take a week or two off first. You all look about two seconds away from collapsing.” 
“Yeah we’re pretty fuckin beat dude. But we’ll send you a list ASAP.” Jake said, taking a burning sip of the coffee. It singed his nerve endings and he couldn’t have been happier about it. 
Levi opened his mouth to speak again, when a voice filtered through the window to the loft above the store. 
“Yo Levi!” the person shouted “Can you please get off your fuckin ass and pick music to play? I know Wednesdays are your day to pick but if you take forever I’m just gonna put on whatever I want and you can suck it.”
All four boys' heads snapped up to the window to the loft, but whoever was up there couldn’t be seen. All they could see was that the loft had clearly gotten a makeover. What used to be an upper level where Levi stored surplus supplies now looked like it had a plush velvet couch, lava lamps and plants in it. 
“Alright alright! I’ll get on it.” Levi called back up, shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he walked toward the central sound system behind the counter to scroll through Spotify playlists. 
“Who the fuck is that and what have you done to the loft?” Josh asked, hopping up to sit on the counter. 
“That would be the very best thing that’s ever fallen into my lap. A.k.a my new store and venue manager Maven. She moved back to the area after living in Hollywood for a few years managing bands and she completely changed my life. We finally have consistent stock, a longstanding line up at the club and I have had the time to start photography again. Truly a godsend, if not occasionally a pain in my ass. She turned the loft into a breakroom of sorts.  There’s a couch and table up there now. She practically lives up there sometimes.” 
“Damn she must be some woman if she finally got you to get your shit together with that club.” Sammy piped up. 
“She’s hellfire, I’ll tell yah that.” Levi chuckled, finally hitting play on a playlist. The first bars of Surfin USA by the Beach Boys came on the surround system and matching groans came out of Jake downstairs and Maven upstairs. 
“Not this shit again!” Maven yells. Jake chuckled to himself. Hellfire indeed. 
“It’s my day to pick so suck it!” Levi called back before faux stage whispering to the boys “I mostly just play this to piss her off.”
Levi clapped his hands together once “Well boys, It’s close enough to five o'clock and I owe you a beer. Let’s head over to Little Fleet for some grub and beers and we can catch up.” 
Josh grimaced as he sucked down the last bit of his coffee before lobbing the empty cup into the trash at the end of the counter. “You still make shit coffee Levi.” 
“It’s the one thing I wouldn’t let Maven fix.” Levi said with a grin as all five men exited out the back door. 
                                                           ~0~
The boys took a week to relax, as per Levi’s request. They spent the days hiking the shore, kayaking and drinking beer around the fire. It had been way too long since they’d done this. The release of The Battle at Garden’s Gate had been exhilarating and the fans' response had been everything they’d hoped for. People seemed to love the album and they were all so proud. But with press interviews and touring, they hadn’t gotten more than a day or two to relax at a time. And they certainly hadn’t gotten a chance to get back to their favorite old haunts in years. 
They stopped by the store almost every morning for a cup of coffee strong enough to jumpstart their hearts. Sometimes Levi joined them on their escapades, and sometimes he stayed behind to help out at the store. The boys spent a few afternoons sifting through albums and strumming on some of Levi’s vintage guitars. 
Mostly they caught up on each other's lives. The boys recounted their more personal lives that happened outside the coverage of the album and Levi talked about the past few years of his life in Traverse City. Levi told them all about Maven and how she was practically his little sister. They laughed. They drank. They had a blast. 
The boys noticed Levi was a little on edge occasionally, typically when they heard someone shuffling upstairs or equipment moving around in the backroom of the shop. They assumed it was Maven but weren’t sure, since they had yet to see her in the flesh. A week from their arrival they were all sitting in lawn chairs in the alley behind the store, smoking cigs and drinking their coffee when Sam finally asked. 
“So, why haven’t we met your precious Maven yet? Hiding her from us or something?” 
Levi shifted a bit in his chair. “Um..” he coughed out a laugh. “I am actually. Yes. But it’s the other way around, I’m hiding you from her.” 
“Afraid she’ll fan-girl or something?” Josh commented as he ashed his cigarette.  
“In… a sense.” Levi coughed. “But in quite the opposite way you’re imagining.” 
“She’s a fan then?” Sammy piped up.
“She loves your music. A lot.” Levi sniffed and coughed again. “It’s a real safe haven for her. When she’s having a bad day I catch her upstairs laying on the floor smoking a J with sound cancelling headphones blasting your albums as loud as she can.” 
“Exactly how it’s meant to be enjoyed. With a joint in hand.” Jake chimes in.  
“Yeah..” Levi toes the asphalt a bit with his boots, but doesn’t continue.
“Soooo” Sammy drawls “Why can’t we meet her? We’re no stranger to super fans. I’m sure she’s cool.” 
“Um, well. It’s a bit complicated.” Levi heaves a sigh before flicking his cigarette butt into the coffee canister at the center of their little circle. “I suppose I can trust you guys. You’re friends. Do you remember the huge lawsuit that the band Undercover Heart went through last year? The one about the um” He coughs again, “Rape of one of their staff members by the lead singer Ryan?” 
“Yes. That shit was horrific man.” Danny spoke up. “I read all the details I could. They kept the poor girl's identity private but goddamn I felt so bad for her. She was a badass for filing that suit though.” 
“Yeah. She was.” Levi breathed. “So, this is strictly off record and if you repeat this to anyone I will skin you all alive, famous rock stars be damned.” 
“Jesus Levi.” Jake said. 
“It was her.” Levi choked out. “Maven. That’s why she ran back from Hollywood and ended up here. That dude messed her up and she just… she struggles with meeting famous bands now. You know how many people cycle through this joint writing stuff. She just… has a really fuckin hard time with it sometimes. Particularly bands she likes. I think it’s because once you meet someone, and in her case, discover how much of a monster they can be, their music isn’t… safe anymore.” 
“Fuck.” Jake said, flicking his cigarette into the canister. 
“Well I feel terrible for joking about her being a fangirl.” Josh mutters. 
“She just genuinely loves you guys a lot. I never really told her I was an old friend because I didn’t want her to be worried about y’all stopping by. I just know that if she knows you’re here she’ll take off and avoid coming by the shop as much as she can and not only do I need her here, but I think she needs the safety of the shop too. I didn’t want to wreck it.” Levi sighs again. “I know she’ll find out you’re here eventually, it’s inevitable. I just was a coward and didn’t want to break the news to her.” 
“She was a pretty well known band manager wasn’t she?” Danny asks. “She like… completely made Undercover Heart what it was. Before they hired her they were slated to be a one hit wonder but she hauled them into relevancy basically by her will alone.” 
“Yeah. She basically built that man's career for him. She gave him everything, and he took everything from her. If I ever see the man I’m liable to get my ass thrown in prison.” Levi mutters.
“I’ll help.” Danny says immediately. 
All five sit in silence for a few minutes, smoking the last of their cigarettes. When they’d all finished, they stood and stretched to head back inside the shop. 
“So yeah. Anyway, If you see her that’s fine, just… well now you have context for… her.” Levi says as he yanks open the door. 
A few steps into the back hallway, Levi suddenly halts, causing all four boys to nearly bash into each other. The front door to the shop had crashed open and there were footsteps stomping across the store toward the front desk. 
“Listen Levi,” Maven’s tense voice carried down the back hall. “I know Wednesdays are usually your day for music but I’m having an absolute shit fucking day so I’m playing Greta all day and there’s absolutely nothing you can fucking do about it, kapeesh?” 
The very opening chords of Edge of Darkness scratch through the speakers after she finishes her sentence and the boys all exchange a slightly amused look, grins spread on all of their faces. 
“Kapeesh.” Levi calls out to her. He spins and silently nods to the boys to head toward the back door. The boys attempt to be as quiet as they can as they creep toward the door. 
“Also, Levi?” Maven calls again. Everyone halts in their tracks. “You said there was a band coming in soon. Are they here yet? Do you need me to set up the backroom?” 
“Uh, yeah they’re here.” Levi squeaks. All five men share nervous looks. “They’re uh… up at the house.” He cringes at his lie. “I’m getting an equipment list from them today and then you can get started. 
“Cool cool.” Maven calls back. “Do you think I’ll like their stuff?” 
“Uh. Yeah.” Levi grins then. “I think you will.” 
“Wicked.” Maven calls back. 
All five men repress giggles as they skedaddle out the back door and into the alley. 
                                                        ~0~
The next morning the boys wake up to a group text from Levi. 
COME BY THE SHOP ASAP. COME IN BACK DOOR. HEAD DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE BOOTH. BE AS QUIET AS YOU CAN. 
A weird request, but they did as they were told. They all piled into the SUV they had rented and headed to the shop. Danny peeled open the back door as quietly as he could, and Sammy opened the door to the stairs. They tiptoed down and through the door at the end of the stairs that opened into the booth of a sound studio. Levi sat in front of all the mixing boards with a cup of coffee to his lips. He glanced over at them and softly said “coffees on the table.” 
“Why the weird text?” Jake asked. 
“Because of that.” Levi responded softly, pointing through the dark glass into the soundstage. 
The sound stage was littered with mismatched rugs, and a few milk crates that doubled as tables. There was a gorgeous seafoam green drum set toward the back wall and stands full of various guitars and basses. Along the left wall was a piano and a Mellotron set up exactly to the specifications Sam sent over. However, with all these beautiful instruments to look at that would normally catch their eye, it was the woman sitting on stool in the center, cradling a dark purple Fender guitar that made Jake stop in his tracks. 
Maven, Jake had to guess that’s who it was, was wearing checkered distressed pants, with a ripped up old band t-shirt cropped at her ribs, revealing a sliver of the rounded part of her stomach. Over top she was wearing an orange leopard print cardigan that ran down to her thighs. Around her neck was a series of long necklaces, and her wrists were adorned with interlacing leather bands. 
She was plucking out a melody with her eyes closed, rocking back and forth on the stool. Jake had seen countless numbers of people playing the guitar before. On the road, in the studio, studying old masters on YouTube. There was nothing overly special about the way she was sitting or playing, but he felt a little bit like he couldn’t breathe. 
“She never fuckin plays anymore man.” Levi whispered. “It felt like magic hearing music coming out of the basement this morning. I just felt like you should see it.” 
The melody she was playing was sad. Haunting is a better way to put it, and Jake couldn’t look away. Not even when Sammy placed a cup of burning hot coffee into his hands. She was moving her head along with her playing, the strands of her dark messy hair shaking back and forth. The group watched in silence as she played out the riff a few times, Levi cranked the volume of the mics in the space and they could hear her humming softly. 
“She has a strong presence.” Josh murmured. 
Maven suddenly stopped. Everyone froze as she heaved a sigh and stood from the stool to put the guitar back on it’s rack. 
“You in there Levi?” Maven said then. The boys still didn’t move a muscle. Jake’s head was spinning, having finally seen the face that went with the voice he’d heard in the loft for a week. She was beautiful. He couldn’t even really put his finger on why, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Even seeing her through the thick dark glass of the studio. 
Levi hit the button to the mic in the booth and responded “Yah.” He paused before adding. “Sounded good.” 
Maven snorted in a self-deprecating way and said “Thanks.” 
Levi hit the mic button again and said “You should play more.”
“Don’t push it Levi.” Maven snapped back. Levi released the button to his mic and let out a heavy sigh. “Can you check some levels on the lines for me? I think I have everything pretty good but I want to make sure before they get here today.” 
“Sure.” Levi replied. 
Maven pulled the amp cord out of the Fender she had been playing on and plugged it into another guitar, one more similar to the guitars that Jake regularly used while they wrote. 
“Are we looking for a punk or a rock-y sound?” Maven asked. 
“Um.” Levi hesitated. “Rock. Their sound is like…” He tossed a small smile over his shoulder at the boys. “Like Greta’s actually.” 
“Dope. I hope they’re not just copying the boys. They’ve got a mellotron in here and everything.” The boys smiled. She pounded out a few chords on the guitar. “Good?” 
Levi looked over at Jake for confirmation. Jake, who still had not taken his eyes off Maven, nodded. 
“Yeah, that should be good for raw sound. They can play with stuff too. They’re a pretty well educated bunch.” Levi called back.
“Thank god.” Maven snorted. “Not like that indie punk bunch you booked last month who needed me to do fucking all their sound mixing for them.” 
“Maven, I don’t think they kept asking you down here because they need help with their sound.” 
Maven just rolled her eyes at that.  
They repeated the process with each instrument, Levi silently asking for confirmation from the respective Greta member until they were sure the sound lines were all functioning properly. 
“Great work kid.” Levi called into the studio. 
“Ew don’t call me kid. I’m a 27 year old woman.” Maven called back. 
Levi chuckled. “You’re a kid to me.” 
“Whatever.” Maven muttered. “I’m gonna go take a walk along the beach. Smoke a little. Text me if they need me.” 
“Will do.” Levi called back. The boys all tensed, looking for places to hide, or to run up the stairs and back into the alley. Luckily, Maven took the back door out of the studio and up another hallway instead.
“Well boys, it’s all you.” Levi said. “Text if you need anything.” 
Sam piped up and said “Yeah actually, can you pick my brother’s jaw up off the floor?” 
“Jake see pretty lady play guitar and Jake brain break.” Josh teased. 
“You guys suck.” Jake grumbled. 
Levi cackled. “I thought you’d like her.”  
                                                        ~0~
Maven walked along the coast of the bay and absentmindedly smoked a joint. It was an overcast and drizzly day which meant there was no one around, which she preferred anyway. She was feeling on edge. The drizzle was very slowly building a small sheen of water on her arms and hair, but she didn’t mind. The cool water and gentle breeze combination was perfect. 
Maven sat her butt down in the sand and stared out at the waves. She normally wore headphones on her walks, her world was a near constant stream of music, but she had opted for silence today. 
Levi was being weird. He was edgy around her all week, sending her out every morning for tasks and disappearing without saying where he was going around 4:30 every day. She had come to the conclusion that whatever band was in town this week was a pretty big name. Or big enough that he was nervous about her being around them. She sighed. She hated when he tiptoed around her. Maven didn’t blame him. When she first started working at the shop she had had a couple pretty bad PTSD episodes that had scared the shit out of him. She owed him everything for staying with her, talking her down and making sure she was fed and had water when she got into one of her states. 
Levi was her best friend, to put it mildly. He cared for her, kept her safe and in return she busted her ass at his store making sure they had the best products, the best shows and that their artist getaway was something that people would go back and tell their friends about. She loved Levi like an older brother, and he cared for her like his little sister. She would forever be grateful to whatever power in the universe made her stumble into The Edge two years ago. 
She had been high out of her mind, as she had been most days after she came running back to Michigan with her tail between  her legs, and Levi had been struggling with an amp in the shop. She had walked in, spotted his struggle and didn’t even say a word to him, just walked over and fixed the wiring so that it was functional again. Levi had looked up from where he sat on the floor and said “You don’t happen to need a job do you?” 
The rest was essentially history. It only took two months of seeing him every single day, and him not letting her sour moods go by unnoticed, for her to spill her guts over some bourbon one night. About Ryan and Undercover Heart and how badly the whole situation fucked her up. How after she’d recorded her testimony she’d boarded the next flight to Grand Rapids and hightailed it up north. She came crash landing into Traverse City because she’d always loved it as a kid, and figured it would be a great place to start over. The small town she’d grown up in had too many people who knew her. 
He was extra careful with bands for a while. Never letting her be alone in a room with too many male band members, and carefully vetting everyone who came through. Eventually she told him off about treating her like a porcelain doll and he backed down a bit, giving her free reign over lots of the equipment set ups and giving her plenty of hours in the shop by herself. She was happy to do so, so Levi could focus on fixing up the artist house and starting his photography again. 
But he was still very gentle with her sometimes, and she’d always love him for it even when it pissed her the fuck off. 
Once she’d smoked the joint down to the roach, she tucked the end into her pocket. It was sacrilegious to litter near the lake. It was too precious to be fucked with. She meandered back toward the shop. Her plan was to grab her bag and head back to let her Pitbull, Stacy, out for a walk and pee. The girl had been cooped up all morning and Maven felt bad. 
She threw her whole body against the front door, as the latch often stuck, and the loud sound of the chimes clanged in the empty space. She rolled her eyes. Of course Levi left the shop unattended and unlocked. It was Traverse City, no one was gonna rob them, but what if someone wanted to buy something? 
She was humming softly to herself as she made her way around the edge of the counter and plopped down on the stool by the register. She whipped out her phone to ask Levi where he was. She had the message halfway typed when the door behind her, the one that led to the staff restroom, popped open. 
“You know, crime is especially low in this town but that doesn’t mean someone wouldn’t come in here and try to steal your precious coffee maker.” She tossed over her shoulder. 
“Oh.” Was all that came back. It was decidedly not Levi’s voice. Maven spun back quickly. 
“Sorry I…” But that’s as far as she got. She was suddenly face to face with Jake Kizska and all thoughts quickly left her brain. 
They both stared at each other for a long moment. Maven couldn’t quite figure out why he looked just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. He also almost looked afraid for some reason that Maven couldn’t figure out.
He was dressed in an outfit she’d seen him wear plenty of times. A black button up, half unbuttoned, loose fitting light wash jeans and a pair of well worn boots. His wrists were full of bracelets and his hair was longer than the last time she’d seen footage of their concerts, well past his collarbones at this point. 
“Hi.” Jake finally broke the silence. “I’m Jake.” He reached out his hand for a handshake. 
“I know.” Maven replied, and then coughed. Why did you say that you freak? 
Suddenly the front door bell chimed again, and Maven whipped her head to see Levi coming in the front door. She stood abruptly from her stool, skirted around Jake’s outstretched hand, and out from behind the counter. She scooped up her leather satchel on her way. 
She headed straight at Levi. He glanced over his shoulder and saw an apologetic Jake looking forlorn and lowering his hand back to his side. 
“Oh hey Maven-” 
“Hey dumbass, don’t leave the store unattended again. I’m going home to check on Stacy. Probably won’t be back for the rest of the day.” Maven spit as she stormed past him toward the front door. 
“Maven wait-” 
But she was already outside, the hinges bringing the heavy wood crashing back into the frame. The chime of the bells rang through the space. 
“Sorry.” Jake muttered. 
“Not your fault. I knew she’d find out eventually. Right now she’s probably just pissed I didn’t tell her. Which she has every right to be.” Levi sighed. 
After a few more beats of silence Jake spoke again. “Who’s Stacy?” 
Levi huffed a laugh. “That would be her Pitbull.” 
“Oh.” Jake said again. He felt crazy because his brain couldn’t come up with anything else to say. She was prettier up close. She smelled like the Lake and weed and sandalwood. He really wished she’d taken his hand. He shook his head trying to find his brain in it somewhere. 
The other three boys came clambering up the stairs and into the store. They all looked between Levi, who was still standing in the middle of the shop, and Jake behind the counter. 
“Are you two playing freeze tag or something?” Sam quipped. 
“Jake met Maven.” Levi responded. The boys' heads whipped toward Jake. 
“And… I’m guessing it… went well?” Danny questioned.
Levi finally walked back toward the counter. “She left for the day. This is on me. I should have told her y’all were here.” He snagged his keys from below the counter and walked toward the front door to lock up. “I’m closing early, boys. Let’s go get a beer.” 
“Kowabunga baby.” Josh said with a grin.  
                                                     ~0~
Maven sat curled up on her velvet couch, Stacy was her little spoon. There was incense burning, a bottle of wine open on the side table and a lit joint in the ashtray. She had changed into a giant t-shirt and boxer shorts. The soft sounds of John Denver playing off her record player. 
However, none of these things were easing her mind. 
She was pissed, mostly. At herself. At Levi. She was pissed he didn’t tell her they were coming. She was pissed that he felt he couldn’t tell her. She was pissed that she had acted like a freak in front of Jake. 
The anxiety was an endless pit in her stomach. She couldn’t go back there tomorrow. She couldn’t see any of those people. Not when she felt like this. 
She whipped out her phone and quickly shot a message to Levi, before chugging her whole glass of red wine and snagging the joint out of the ashtray. 
                                                        ~0~
Levi’s phone dinged on the table where all of the guys sat drinking beers and chatting. Levi glanced at it and quickly picked it up when he saw her name. 
“It’s Maven.” He said. 
“What did she say?” Jake asked, sitting up a bit in his chair. 
“Fuck.” Levi said, tossing his phone on the table, still unlocked. 
All four boys leaned in to read the screen. 
CASHING IN ALL MY VACATION DAYS. I’LL BE OUT FOR TWO WEEKS. 
“Fuck indeed.” Josh said, pounding back the rest of his beer.
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harryhandstan · 4 years
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This concept has been in my head for a while now and it took me like a month to write and edit and just get it all out! I had surgery two years ago today and it was one of the most emotional, stressful experiences of my life simply bc I’m just a big baby lol. This is just something to celebrate that day and the fact that I’m still so happy it’s all over! Fluffy af as usual cause that’s all I know how to write. :)
Thankful to @bfharry​ and @bopbopstyles​ for not only inspiring me with their amazing writing but pushing me towards finishing this and reaching (even going over) my personal 5k goal! I appreciate you both so much!!
I recently saw a post about tagging triggers properly so I’m gonna do it that way but if I do it wrong or it doesn’t work PLEASE let me know and I will fix it immediately (just want to be sure all my bases are covered)
// needles tw, pills tw (prescription), anxiety tw // (if I missed anything I should’ve tagged please please let me know!!) and I’m sure there are some medical inaccuracies bc that whole day is kind of a blur for me haha 
as always likes/rbs/comments are welcome but absolutely not necessary :) 
final word count: 7.1k
//
"Y'nervous, angel?"
"Hmm?"
"Bout to chew your finger off. I know there can't be much of a nail left."
Your hand drops back to your lap. You hadn't even realized you were doing it. A bad habit of the nervous child you thought you'd long forgotten. He offers his left hand and you accept it, thumb swiping over the cross painted across his skin. He knows it's one of your favorites and you're thankful for the comfort. You don't know how many times he'd teased you about how you would eventually rub it off one day and he'd have to get it redone.
"S'a routine surgery, I bet they do them all day. You're gonna be fine."
You'd been over all this a thousand times before. Harry had to ban you from looking up the procedure online at one point. You became obsessive with worry. What if you're still awake when they cut into you and you can't talk? What if you feel everything and can't tell anyone? What if you don't wake up? He had shot down every one of your horrifying theories.
"How much longer before they take me back?"
"Nurse said it would be about 10 minutes when we checked in. Shouldn't be too much longer. Want me to check the board again?"
Checking in had only consisted of a nurse taking your name and giving you your bracelet for the day with an ID number. The number would help Harry stay updated on where you were throughout the whole process. The "board" was simply a tv mounted to the wall that frequently cycled through each patient's last name and ID number.
"No, no," You cling to his sleeve like a desperate child, "Don't leave again. She said they wouldn't update anything until I went back anyway."
Harry had left you only briefly when you first arrived. Hands in his pockets, wandering around like a lost child around the big, open expanse of the waiting room. He stayed where you could see him and the whole time you had anxiously chewed your bottom lip until he returned. You hated it, but you knew he was just as nervous as you. So you let him have that moment. To check his surroundings and release some of the nerves so he could come back to you, calm and cool as always.
When the nurse does call your name, you almost jump out of your skin. You freeze, unable to move. Harry stands and flashes the nurse a quick smile before turning back to you and offering his hand.
You shake your head, "I can't do this, H. I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I move."
"You're not, promise. Remember those breathing exercises we practiced? Do those. C'mon..deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out. Do it while we walk."
Slow deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out.
You remember how silly you felt the first time you did it. How it made you giggle at first. This is never going to work. But eventually it did. Anytime you got upset or started to overthink about this day, Harry made you stop whatever you were doing and sit down. Breathe.
It was a little difficult to do while walking. Your body wanted to pause your steps when your breath paused, but Harry tugged you along, you almost hiding behind him until you made it through a set of heavy wooden doors to a small space with a hospital bed and a curtain drawn in front of it.
//
The IV had had been your biggest dread, the fear overriding any logic that it was something you needed, instead of something the nurses decided to do simply to torture you.
Your face twists into a wince of pain when the needle goes into your vein, Harry standing over you, his face a mirror of your own as you squeeze his hand. When the nurse pulls away with a triumphant "all done!" you flash a look of surprise between your arm and Harry.
"Not that bad, eh? Think ya overreacted a bit about how bad that was gonna be?" He raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to shoot him a nasty look for teasing you.
"Maybe a little." You pinch your index finger and thumb together, indicating a minimal amount.
"Tiny bit more, babe," Another nurse appears from around the curtain and he laughs before speaking to her, "it's all she's worried about all morning."
"Honestly that's everyone's least favorite part. The rest of the day should be aces if you can handle that!"
Harry settles himself into a chair while the nurse goes through a myriad of questions. Any other surgeries? Allergies to medications you know of? Do you smoke? Drink?
Harry snorts when you say no to drinking, but quickly clasps his hand over his mouth when the nurse's head snaps to look between you and him.
"The occasional drink is fine, no worries. Nothing this morning though, right?"
"No, ma'am."
Your eyes meet his, a mischievous grin still plastered across his face. He mumbles a quick "sorry" while you try to pull your concentration back towards the nurse and the remainder of her questions.
"Alright, time for the good stuff," she passes you a small clear cup with two white pills, "First one is just something to keep you calm and relaxed, second one is to prevent any pain after the procedure. They'll give you something to make you sleepy when you get to the OR, but this might make you a bit loopy for now."
"This should be fun." Harry claps his hand in front of him, rubbing them together quickly. He leans forward in his chair, as if ready for a show.
"Yeah? Is she a happy drunk?"
Harry had only ever experienced you high on any sort of prescription medication once, almost a year ago when you went on a girl's trip with your best friend and twisted your ankle in an attempt to make it back to her car after dinner out one night. You calling him from an unknown ER in the middle of the night had terrified him enough to start packing a bag to fly to you before your best friend could grab your phone and assure him you were fine and she would put you on a plane home to him in two days as planned. He had teased you endlessly when he picked you up from the airport and for the next few days afterwards as you limped around on a bruised, ACE bandage wrapped foot.
But after too many wine drunk nights to count, he had enough stories to humiliate you with and the thought of any one of them being told now had you sinking further into the hospital bed.
"You could say that. Last time she.." His voice trails off at the sight of your eyes, wide as saucers, begging him to stop.
The nurse grins, her face kind and sympathetic to your silent cry for help.
"We're a little behind schedule this morning so it may be about 20 minutes before they come transport you, okay?" You nod, the effects of the sedative already working its way through your system, "Keep an eye on her? Make sure she behaves?"
"Yeah, I got her. We'll be fine, thank you so much." He's closer now, standing next to you again, a hand sliding up your arm to settle on your shoulder. You manage a thumbs up and a sleepy "thank you" as an affirmation that you appreciate all she's done for you.
"You're more than welcome. You'll have a different set of nurses in recovery but if you need anything until they come get you, just let me know, alright?"
"We will, thanks." His thumb ghosts across the front of your collarbone, the lightest of touches to soothe you, his eyes still focused on the nurse.
"Good luck! You're gonna do just fine, I promise."
The second she's around the curtain, Harry nudges you lightly, "Scoot."
"Huh? What do you mean..Harry, there's not enough room for you in this bed." Your head feels too light to deal with his nonsense now.
"Yeah there is if you scoot. C'mon. Hurry before we get caught. M’supposed to be keeping an eye on you, remember? Gotta make sure you don't fall outta the bed."
He's already wedged himself next to you, trying to make his tall frame fit into the limited space.
You move over as much as you can, the rail of the bed poking into your hip.
He tucks one arm behind your head, the other one thrown behind his own as a cushion.
"You feel more relaxed now, lovie?"
You scrunch down in the bed, just enough that you can tuck your head under his other arm, "A little. I don't feel sleepy enough though," Your eyes dart up, seeking the comfort of his face, "I'm scared, H."
"I know you are, baby," the hand behind your head shifts to cup around your arm, pulling you closer, "Just pretend you're home with me and we're taking a nice little nap together, yeah?"
"But you won't be there with me, not really."
"I'll be there when you wake up though. First thing you'll see when you open your eyes, promise." He runs a finger along the curve of your nose, "Close your eyes. Try to sleep, hmm?"
You shake your head, turning towards him to hide your face in his side, inhaling his scent.
"Want me to turn the light off? Would that help?"
"No," You toss the arm that isn't trapped between you two over him, holding tightly to his shirt, "Stay."
"Alright, then. We'll just wait," He tilts his head to rest closer to yours, "Have you thought about what you want to eat after?"
"Not really. M'too nervous to think about food."
"We'll think of something good. Whatever you want."
"You're gonna get us in trouble, better scoot back to your corner like a good boy." Your words come out unintentionally slurred and you weakly push yourself up and away from him as he slides off. He doesn't sit though, just stands near you, an anxious look flashing across his features.
"Hey, c'mere. Gonna be fine, routine surgery, remember?" You stretch your arms out to him, a plea to be near his warmth again.
He sits on the edge of the bed, facing you. You tug lightly at the sleeve of his cardigan, a feeble attempt to pull him closer. He indulges you, his brow still creased with distress.
"Know ya gonna be fine, just hate you have to go through it at all. Wish I could take it from you without all this." He gestures to the IV he knows you despise so much.  
"You have helped take it from me. All the sleepless nights you spent up with me, holding my hair back when I got sick. All the days after when I was too drained to get out of bed. You were there for as much of it as you could be. And you pushed me to go see the surgeon in the first place. You've helped me more than you give yourself credit for."
His fingers intertwine in yours, the pad of his thumb soothing over the front of your hand.
"Make sure you keep my phone with you, my mom will probably call you every 30 minutes for updates." A yawn stretches across your face, "She has your number too, bullied me into giving it to her last week when I called to tell her about the surgery."
He nods, patting his pocket to make sure both phones are still nestled there together.
Another yawn threatens to escape and you muffle it this time, more content to fight sleep to stare at Harry; his hair a perfect mess of curls under the harsh brightness of the hospital lighting. His face is more relaxed now, his eyes still focused on your fingers tangled together. He catches you, your eyes glazed over, too heavy and threatening to close.
"Darling, please close your eyes. I can see how tired you are," His fingertips sweep delicately over your nose again, as if he was lulling a baby to sleep, "You don't have to stay awake for me."
"Closing my eyes for just a second, alright? Not because you told me to though. I want to. Wake me up in 2 hours, don't wanna sleep too long."
Your eyes are already drifting closed, the last thing you hear is a chuckle; effortless, light as air, "I will, promise."
Soft kisses pressed across your face, "Sweet dreams, love."
//
His voice is the first you hear as you wake up in the dimly lit recovery room. Well, really it was more like a big cubicle, another space with a curtain drawn in front of it. Even with the floaty, dreamy feeling flowing through your system, you can still detect the worry in his voice.
"Harry?" It takes your mind a minute to catch up and process where you are and what had happened.
Oh yeah. Surgery day. No more annoying gallbladder. No more sleepless nights. Freedom to eat what you want and not be haunted by nausea and sickness from what you ate.
"How are you feeling? Any pain?" Suddenly a nurse in bright blue scrubs is there, way too animated and loud at the moment, "Pain scale 1-10?"
"I don't have any pain. Zero." You're aware of how high you sound and a giggle escapes through the haze. That earns you a smile from Harry, one that lights up his whole face and makes his dimples shine through.
"Awesome! Well then as soon as you're good and awake we're gonna get this IV out and go over some paperwork for both of you to sign. I want you to drink something for me too, so what would you like?"
You request a ginger ale and as soon as the nurse leaves to retrieve it for you, Harry scoots the chair he's sitting in as close to the bed as possible.
"How long was I out?"
"Couple of hours," He absentmindedly fixes your hair, looping various curls back around to their respective places, "Took a little longer than expected, you had a small infection so they had to make sure it hadn't spread."
"How much longer?"
"Long enough you had us all slightly worried." His hand trails down your cheek to cup your chin gently, urging you to look at him, "You sure you're not in pain? Now's not the time to do that stubbornly brave thing you do where you pretend nothing's wrong."
"I feel fine, really. Just a little tired, ready to go home."
He studies your face, trying to find any trace of dishonesty. When he's satisfied you're being truthful, he stands and extracts your phone from his pocket.
"Already talked to ya mum, but your co-workers were all texting you, asking how you were. Figured you'd want to handle that yourself, didn't know how much detail you would want to give them."
"Did you give my mother all the details? Infection and everything?"
"Um, no. I knew better than to do that. Promised her you would call when I got you settled at home."
"You promised or she demanded?"
"Okay..she politely asked that you call her when we get home."
"That sounds more like her." You roll your eyes, pushing yourself so you're sitting more upright in the bed.
"She just worries about you." He adjusts the pillow behind you, fluffing and tucking it where you direct it, against your lower back.
"I know. I'll FaceTime her when we get home to prove I'm alive."
"It's been a while since we've seen them, maybe we should plan a visit?" He plops himself back in the chair, leaning back as far as he can go; hands behind his head, eyes closed. You'd both gotten very little sleep the night before, you were too anxious and he was too gracious to let you suffer alone.
"Oh please, I'm lucky I even got time off to do this. My boss would never allow another break so soon."
"Maybe for the holidays?"
"Maybe..but only if you can go with me, you know they love you more than me by now anyway."
"They do not," He peeks one eye open at you, "They love us both equally."
You shoot a quick text to your co-workers, using the group chat between the few of you to make it easier.
I'm out! Feeling okay for now but that might change later lol
The nurse is back, apologizing for taking so long, "We've been so behind all day, it's crazy busy. I had to wait for your doctor to sign off on your release." She hands you a can of ginger ale, white bendy straw already poised and ready for you.
"Just need you to sign here," She holds a clipboard and a pen out to you and you balance the can dangerously in one hand while you scribble something that resembles your signature. Close enough. She gestures for you to pass the clipboard to Harry, "His signature goes under yours, just says he's responsible for you for the next few hours until everything wears off."
"This means I'm the boss, right?" He leans over to grab the board, a wink thrown in your direction. He's enjoying himself way too much at the thought of being in control of you for the next few hours. Smug son of a bitch.
She takes the clipboard back and pulls off a yellow sheet of paper, "This is just your copy of what you signed, and also has post op instructions for your bandages. Your prescription's been sent to the pharmacy, and there's a brief summary of pain management information on the bottom there just in case you need it."
"Thank you." You transfer it right to Harry's waiting hand, knowing he'll be the one surveying every word, making sure you follow everything to the letter.
"I know you mentioned earlier having a little bit of a drive home, so probably once you get her some food and pick up her prescriptions, it'll be time for another round of meds. Okay?" She turns to you again, "I know it sounds silly, but one of the most important things after this particular surgery is lots of walking. Otherwise you'll be miserable. Rest for a while when you get home, then get up every 10 minutes or so until bedtime. Don't let her skip that part, alright? Very important."
"I heard you weren't a big fan of this thing," She nods towards the IV in your right forearm, "So this'll probably be the best part of this whole process for you. We'll get this out and then you can get changed and we'll get someone to wheel you down and out of here, alright? Don't look and you won't even know when it's gone."
"Hey, think about what you want to eat, huh? Your first freedom meal. Yay!" He slips his hand into your left, raising your connected hands victoriously. You didn't think it was possible for you to love him anymore until this moment. The way he could so easily erase your fear was one of his many gifts you adored him for, "What are we having, babe?"
You don't even hesitate before answering, "Pizza, from Milano's. It's my favorite, other than that one place in Italy you took me to. Please? Oh and one of their salads, with the little bread knots on the side!"
He glances at the nurse, awaiting a reprimand for your meal choice.
"As your nurse, I feel I should remind you that while you can have anything you feel like eating, we usually recommend something small and light at first. Broth or soup with some toast, maybe. The salad may be fine, but the pizza might be a little heavy. Taking it slow would be best. But everyone is different."
"So..just cheese then? Maybe some mushrooms?"
You let your head fall back against the pillow, a foggy haze settling over you, "Plain cheese, no mushrooms."
"Alright, sounds good. Why don't I go call it in and pull the car around? Meet you out front?" He leans closer, a quick peck to your cheek before pulling his hand loose from yours and turning to leave.
"Hey, wait," You attempt to tug at his wrist, but fail, your brain still set to slow-motion. He takes pity on you and returns to your side, "Let's eat there. It's in the mall so we can window shop after we eat."
"You sure? You still seem a bit tipsy, honey."
You don't feel tipsy. Just tired, and hungry. Very hungry. As if on cue, your stomach makes a remarkably loud noise; an objection at not being fed for the past 12 hours.
"Alright, alright, calm down. " You let out an embarrassed groan when you realize he's talking to your stomach, "We'll eat there."
He kisses you again, closer to your mouth, "Missed."
"I did, huh?" He chuckles, close enough to your face now your noses are almost touching, "Let's try again."
This time his lips meet yours and you know he missed on purpose the first time by how amused he looks when he pulls away.
"One more for luck?" You can't resist letting the back of your hand wander over his face, before resting the palm of your hand against his cheek.
"I think I can handle that," He smiles before landing another quick peck to your lips, "Be good for the nurse while I'm gone. I'll have the getaway car ready in 10, yeah?"
//
You're certain Harry would have fed you if you would have let him, right here in the mall food court in front of everyone. But you refuse, insisting even, on carrying your own tray to the table. He chuckles when you pull your phone out of your sweater pocket to take a picture of your food, quickly uploading it to Facebook.
He watches you closely as you take the first bite, even pulling his own phone out to sneak a photo of you when you temporarily close your eyes to appreciate the indulgence of being able to eat one of your favorite foods again; free from that anxious feeling of whether or not it would settle right with your body later. You open your eyes the very moment after he captured the image.
"Harry!"
"You just looked so happy! I couldn't help it. You know I'll never post it anyway. Snagged a few of you earlier in your little blue cap they made you wear too." He flips back through to show you. You try to snatch the phone away, but he's too quick to pull his hand back and stash his phone in his pocket.
"When??"
"After you fell asleep, right before they came to take you back."
He takes a bite from his own generous slice of pizza in front of him before gesturing to your tray, "How is it?"
"Amazing. Even better than before, if possible."
His smile is bright, loving the satisfaction of seeing you actually enjoy food again.
Your plan to walk around the mall was cut short, you could barely make it through one store without yawning. You cling to Harry most of the way back to the car, his arm securely wrapped around you to keep you steady.
You doze off on the drive home, and when your eyes flutter open you find him opening the passenger door, offering a hand to help lift you out of the car and up the stairs into the house. Your foot stumbles on the first step, failing to make contact and you almost fall back.
"Easy," He giggles, an arm thrown behind your back to catch you before encouraging softly, "Try again."
When he's confident you're stable enough on your feet, he lets go to unlock the door.
You're greeted by a bouquet of flowers, a colorful arrangement of roses and lilies from Harry's band mates. You immediately recognize Sarah's handwriting on the card and make a mental note to shoot everyone a thank you text later. You don't know if it's the medication still in your system, the exhaustion of the day, or the overwhelming amount of love that makes you teary eyed.
Harry stands behind you as you admire the flowers and the card, arms curving around to hug you, careful of the large bandage on your upper abdomen and the two smaller steri-strips on your right side.
"How did they know pink roses were my favorite?"
"They love you, peach." He rests his chin on your shoulder, "Besides, you've only mentioned growing up with a pink rose bush in your Nanna's garden about a hundred times."
"I always loved it. Still do."
Your mind travels back to your earliest memories spent there; summers when you practically lived at the small house on the hill. Helping pick tomatoes and peppers from the garden, too warm afternoons spent with a book in your lap under the shade of a peach tree, your grandfather's corny jokes and loving smile. Your Nanna's too generous portions of food contributing to the few extra curves you still carried with you to this day.
You don't even notice the tears at first. They slip down your cheeks and land on his arm. Once you realize, you try to quickly wipe them away, but Harry sees.
"Hey..c'mon, I think your high's wearing off a bit, bub. Pajamas, meds, nap. Sound good?" He turns you to face him, using the sleeve of his shirt to brush away any tears that still linger at the corner of your eyes.
"What time is it?"
"Almost 3..why?"
"No nap. I'll never sleep tonight, and you know how grumpy I get when my sleep schedule is thrown off." Even with your declaration of not wanting a nap, you can't help but rub your eyes, a weak attempt to keep yourself awake. Any resolve Harry had to try to convince you to nap melts away. A smirk on his face, he knows you'll eventually crash later, most likely on his chest or in his arms. He's content to let you be stubborn for now.
"Okay, then. New plan. Pajamas, meds, movie. Better?"
"Better. You get everything ready and pick the movie while I change?"
"You don't wanna pick the movie?"
You wave him off, already shuffling towards the bedroom, "You're the boss today, remember?"
You take your time gathering what you need to get cozy for the rest of the day, selecting an oversized, well-worn tie dye t-shirt and leggings from your dresser. You even take a moment to dip into Harry's extensive sweatshirt collection, grabbing your favorite one. It's amazingly soft and still smells of him, a faint scent of his cologne and well..just Harry. You couldn't imagine anything more comforting.
In your pursuit to feel more lucid, you venture into the bathroom, taking a moment to wash your face. The cool water instantly refreshes you and pushes you closer to feeling like yourself again. Wanting your hair out of your face, you pluck a scrunchy from your shared collection of hair accessories. You quickly recognize that your arms still have that too heavy feeling of unconsciousness and after a few attempts to gather your curls into some sort of up-do, you give up and loop the accessory around your wrist to try again later.
Harry senses your frustration when you find him in the kitchen, two small green pill bottles sitting on the counter in front of him. He's already filled your favorite cup with ice water, and you gratefully take it and drink from it.
"What's wrong?" His brow creases with concern and you feel guilty for making him worry over something so silly.
"Nothing..just wanted my hair up out of my face but my arms wouldn't cooperate." You try to laugh it off to put him more at ease, "It's not a big deal."
You know it's only the weariness of the day still making you feel so emotional, clear-headed you would not be upset over something so small.
"Here. Let me try." He slides the scrunchy from your wrist and pulls you closer to him, moving behind you to gently work long fingers through your hair, gathering it all in a loose ponytail on top of your head before securing it around a few times with the scrunchy.
You let your shoulders drop with a deep sigh when he's done, it was such a simple thing, but it made you feel so much lighter. He spins you around to face him, a charming gleam of pride at his handiwork adorning his face, "Too tight?"
"No. Much better. Thank you, Harry. You take such good care of me always, but today..I don't know what I would've done without you. I made such a big fuss and probably made you miserable with all of my worrying." You're suddenly very aware that you are rambling, but when you catch a glimpse of his face, his smile is wide. So bright that the skin around his eyes is crinkling.
He leans towards you, lips stopping whatever words may have come next, arms wrapping around you to pull you closer in a soft, warm embrace. When he pulls away, his eyes bore right into yours, and your heart swells with more love than you could ever imagine having for one person. But he wasn't just any person. He was your person, your whole word staring back at you.
"I'm SO proud of you. You've been so strong today, always knew you had that strength in you, but seeing you take that leap of faith..doing something you knew you should despite your fear, that's all you, love. I can't take any credit for that. You've made me anything but miserable, trust me."
His face is still close enough to yours that you nudge forward, pressing your forehead to his, a silent appreciation of his affection.
"Any pain yet?" He pulls back, a thumb across your cheek, eyes still locked on yours.
"My head kind of hurts? And I still just feel kind of..drunk."
"You have always been a bit of a lightweight, babe. And a thief too, I see. S'that my sweatshirt?"
"Have not!" You swat playfully at his arm, "Maybe. Is that my hair clip in your hair?"
"Possibly." His eyes dart up to the swoop of curls on top of his head, a black plastic clip twisting it back and away from his face.
"Guess we're even then."
"S'pose we are." He tries to keep his eyes narrowed in a mock attempt of annoyance, but it quickly fades into laughter.
You decide against FaceTiming your family, hoping that hearing your voice will be enough. It seems to satisfy them at least for the rest of the day. You assure them that Harry is taking very good care of you and that everything went as smooth as could be expected.
He raises one eyebrow at you as you hang up, "As smooth as expected, huh? You aren't going to tell them the truth?"
"What's to tell? I had an infection and now it's gone. I'm fine, there's no sense in worrying them. We can give them the full story later."
He shrugs, fingers working to open one of the green pill bottles before passing one of the white pills to you, "For your headache, lovie. There's something here for nausea too if you need it. M'worried the pizza might've been too much. Maybe you should take one of these..just in case?"
"Harry, I promise I will tell you if I feel anything other than fine." Your hand runs from his shoulder down his bicep, squeezing gently, "Besides, I cannot take a whole one of those. If you think I'm a lightweight now..I'll sleep for the whole week if I take that."
He slips the bottle in his pocket, pulling you in to press a kiss to the top of your head, "We'll keep it close just in case, okay?"
"Sounds good," Your hand trails back up to his neck to work fingers through his hair, "Hey, thought we were watching a movie? What'd you pick?"
"Thought we could decide together. C'mon, let's get you comfy in bed."
"Ever the gentleman, always trying to get me in your bed."
"Hey! I am a perfect gentleman, thank you very much," He chuckles, a hand coming to rest on the small of your back, "Just thought you'd be more comfortable, you can prop up and stretch your feet out."
You let him tug you along for the second time today, thankful it's the luxury of your shared bed you get to settle into this time. He tucks you in softly, propping pillows behind your back and head.
"Comfy? Need anything else?"
"No, just need you to quit babying me so much and relax with me for a bit."
"Since when am I not allowed to baby you?"
You roll your eyes, "Never said you weren't allowed. Just want you to stop worrying so much, that's all."
"Good. Cause y'are my baby," No matter how many times you'd heard him say it before, it never failed to make you blush, "Do anything for you, y'know that, right?"
"I know," You look down at your hands, trying to slow your racing heart, "You never let me forget."
"Hey," He pokes your cheek, pulling your gaze back up to him, "I love you."
"I love you more, H."
He kisses your forehead, "Impossible. I love you most."
The reference to one of your favorite movies has you smiling at him, that dreamy feeling falling over you again, "Can we watch Tangled?"
"Sure, princess."
He sinks next to you, head propped up on your shoulder, navigating easily through Disney+ to find your requested movie.
Your eyes drift closed right about the time the lanterns are being released in the sky, a moment that normally leaves your face wet with tears, the soft vibrations of Harry humming along the perfect lullaby to push you further into your dream.
//
He wakes you later in the evening.
"Dinner's on the table if you want to join me."
"Time's it?" Your voice is still heavy with sleep.
"7. You were sleeping so deeply I didn't want to wake you, thought your body could use the extra sleep today."
"Yeah. It was nice, thank you." You stretch your arms forward, reaching for his hands to help pull you up.
"How do you feel?"
"A little sore. More sober, for sure."
Dinner is simple; a bowl of plain broth, salad, and toast. Exactly what the nurse suggested earlier. There's even a warm mug of tea waiting for you.
"With honey for my honey," He's so proud of his cheesy expression of love you cannot help but smile.
You look at him curiously when he sits next to you, the same boring meal set out for himself.
"Harry..you can eat what you want, babe. Seriously you've done enough today, more than enough to be supportive. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if you made yourself something different."
"Nah. S'fine. We're in this together, yeah?"
You raise your eyebrows at him playfully, "Did you have an organ snatched from your body today?"
"No, I didn't." He laughs, "I just meant food wise, love. It's vegetable broth, by the way, hope that's alright."
"It's perfect."
You nudge him lightly, an elbow to his side, shifting closer to ask for a kiss. He meets you the rest of the way, lips planted firmly on yours. When you don't pull away, he quickly adds another.
After dinner is done and you have another round of meds, the two of you end up in an awkward ball of cuddles on the couch. Harry flips through the channels on the tv before finding a show you both agree on.
But you're too restless, unable to find a position comfortable enough for you. You shift a few times, finally giving up and letting out a frustrated groan before tossing the blanket off the both of you and springing up and off the couch.
Harry doesn't panic, just grabs your hand before you can get too far away or lose your balance, keeping his voice low when he asks, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing hurts. I just can't get comfortable, and I don't feel right."
"What doesn't feel right, angel? Explain."
"I don't feel like myself. I don't know how to explain it. Just feel off."
He sees you're on the verge of tears and ascends from his spot on the couch, arms quickly enveloping you before placing a finger under your chin to pull your face up to look at him.
"It's probably gonna take a day or so to adjust, baby. Yes it was a minor surgery but it was a major change to your body." He's bending now to look right into your eyes, searching them,  "How can we fix it tonight, hmm? What do you need?"
Tears are free flowing, falling on the front of your t-shirt and down to the floor.
"Take your time. Breathe." A large hand smoothing warm circles firmly across your back; a balm for your restless spirit.
You pause, deep breath in before slowly letting it out, "I think I just need to move around for a bit."
"Let's go for a walk, eh? A quick one and then back to bed. Your mind needs more rest. How's that sound?" He taps your forehead softly.
"Okay, yeah." You nod your head, an approval of his plan.
"Don't worry about it, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."
You nod again, scared your voice will break if you try to speak. He knew that those words held a lot of weight for you, he'd repeated them often throughout this whole process and to hear them now was a reminder of how safe you were. That with him, you would always be safe and loved.
Being dark outside meant you gracelessly padding through the house, up and down the hallway a few times and back to the living room. Harry stays close, encouraging you along with little claps and kisses to motivate you. When your stomach starts to feel uneasy, he urges you once again to take something for nausea. You agree to take a half a pill, knowing it'll help you sleep.
Despite the nap you had earlier and only being awake for a couple of hours, it doesn't take much convincing for you to settle back into bed.
"Harry?"
"Hmm?"
He's already reclined next to you, book in hand, the soft light from the lamp illuminating one side of his face. You're smushed against him, drifting between that sweet space of almost asleep and wanting to stay awake to enjoy any spare moment you get with him. His hand working through your hair helps push you towards the former of the two.
"I'm sorry to be such a burden today," Your words are slurring together but you continue on, just needing to get your thoughts out before he can stop you, "I don't deserve you and I shouldn't have overreacted so much about something so simple."
"Hey, none of that now," He lays the book on the nightstand, careful to save his place for later before pulling you closer to him, "You were not, nor have you ever been a burden to me. Just because you needed a little extra help today does not mean you aren't deserving of me or my love. You will never have to earn that. It's yours, always has been, will be as long as you decide to keep me around."
"Thank you. For all of it. I'll always want you."
"Always? Y'might change your mind someday, angel."
"I won't. Promise."
"Yeah? Me either."
A kiss laid delicately to the top of your head has your eyes dangerously close to falling shut again before another thought navigates its way through your mind and out of your mouth before you can stop it.
"H..what am I gonna do with a full week off from work?"
"Let me take care of you?"
//
And that's exactly what he does.
Mornings spent sleeping in, late breakfasts made together and afternoon walks. Evenings consisting of the two of you preparing dinner together or ordering takeout from some of the forbidden places you couldn't eat from before. Mugs of herbal tea before early bedtimes, you sweetly falling asleep to the sound of his voice reading to you most nights.
But his favorite part was that the scent of lavender was no longer cursed for you. Some nights before your surgery, when you simply could not fall asleep the pain was so unbearable, you would fill the tub with hot water and lavender scented bubbles to try to calm yourself enough to be able to drift off afterwards. It never worked, the heat always doing more harm than good. Harry would always be waiting for you, open arms and a soft towel to wrap you in.
So the smell became one you hated, memories of sleepless nights and nausea. But now you were free to use it again for what you always loved it for before it was cursed. In your body wash, lotion, even your laundry detergent; spreading the scent all over your shared space in as many ways as you could.
He even mentions it one night after dinner, when the two of you are pressed impossibly close together on the couch. His nose buried into your neck, inhaling deeply, pulling away to announce, "You smell like you again, love. Missed it so much." He burrows back in, placing kisses from your neck to your shoulder, ignoring your giggles and protests of how much it tickles.
A week later, the alarm wakes you sooner than you've become accustomed to, reminding you of your return to work. Harry's arm thrown over your waist pulls you closer as you try to leave the bed, a sleepy "Don't go." mumbled in your ear.
You do your best to peel yourself away from him, admitting silently to yourself how much harder it is for you to leave the warmth of your bed as it is for him to let you go.
//
2 years later, you have a scar you swear didn't heal right, and a man who loves you even more because of it.
447 notes · View notes
delaber · 3 years
Text
Can’t Have Your Cake and Another Cake Too
Rafael Casal x Reader
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Note: Okay, I’ll stop breaking Rafa’s heart now... Last time, I swear! Thanks for the prompts to these lovely anons. Alhough this is not a prequel to Poetic Justice (Rafa x ER Nurse), poor Rafa’s facing some of the same issues. I very loosely based this story on J. Cole’s Kevin’s Heart (don’t know why I’m always incorporating J. Cole into my fics, but apparently he’s always lurking in the back of my mind) and Phlake’s So Faded. Let me know what you think!
Words: 4.7K
Warnings: Cocaine addiction! Does not have a happy ending (nobody ODs and nobody’s dying ...Only on the inside lol)
Tagging: No one! This might not be for everybody and I don’t want anybody to feel forced to read it 😌
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It was supposed to be a great night out. The entire gang was there, and at the instigation of Diggs, Rafa was supposed to be on the prowl to get laid so he could take his mind off of his broken heart.
From his seat in the booth, Rafa had a fairly good view of the dance floor and he had already spotted a few honeys who likewise had acknowledged him by smiling and sending him a couple of long looks. One of them had even twirled her hair between her fingers while blowing him a kiss. He had the green light, all systems were go!
However, of all the things that could've thrown him off his game, Rafa would not have placed a single bet on a phone call. But the minute he pulled out his vibrating phone and checked the caller ID, both the group of honeys on the dance floor and his friends occupying the seats all around him were completely forgotten. Nothing else mattered anymore.
He stared at the screen for a while, reading the name over and over again. What the fuck was Morris calling him for? Rafa had told him to stop. Morris knew he was too weak to say no even though he had promised his girl that he'd stop for good.
...Or, you weren't his girl. Not anymore.
But Rafa was still determined to win you back no matter if you had stopped answering his phone calls or not, so he took a tough decision and pressed the decline button beneath Morris' name. He even contemplated putting his phone on flight-mode to remove all unwelcome temptations - he knew you'd never take him back if he fell back in - yet, for some reason taking himself off the grid was easier said than done, and before he had pulled himself together to actually press the little airplane button, a text from Morris had ticked in. It only consisted of two words but Rafa understood perfectly.
'New candy.'
Fuck... Rafa considered the pros and cons of accepting for a few milliseconds before he came to his senses. No, no, no. The only way he'd ever win you back would be by showing you that he could stay sober even after your break-up. Morris could fuck off! As if awaking from a trance, Rafa hurriedly put his phone back in his pocket and desperately tried to forget about Morris' enticing offer by telling himself that he was strong enough to shake it.
...although deep down, he was aware that it was already too late. That no matter what, he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it now. And no matter how hard he tried to re-focus on the honeys on the dance floor and tell himself how stupid it was to hit Morris up, it was no use, the damage was done; he was desperate to get high!
Deeply, horribly ashamed of himself, Rafa texted Morris the address of the club and impatiently waited a couple of minutes before he walked outside with heavy footsteps. It felt as if he was walking to the gallows, the shame eating him up from the inside. You'd be so disappointed in him!
However, in order to make himself accept what he was about to do, he reminded himself that apparently, you didn't care if he was high or not. If you did, you would've returned his phone calls, and you would've reacted to the fact that he had been sober for three weeks now - but you hadn't. And with that in mind, Rafa managed to push away most of the shame as he laid eyes on Morris' sketchy Subaru parked by the curb on the other side of the road. He walked across the street with determined footsteps, carefully looking over his shoulder to check if anybody he knew were watching him approach what was clearly a dealer's car.
"What's up, bruh!" Morris called as he rolled down his window. He was wearing sunglasses, looking like an absolute turd in the dark night.
Rafa put his arms on the car's beltline and shot Morris a bro handshake through the open window, "what the fuck are you wearing sunglasses at night for? You look like a dick."
"Nah, man, it looks cool," Morris laughed, "do you like them? Hell, you should like them - you paid for them."
"What do you mean I paid for them?"
"With the amount of money you spend in my shop, I think it's safe to assume that you paid for these sunglasses and the rims on the ride too," Morris snorted.
"Yeah, about that," Rafa looked away, the embarrassment slowly creeping up his spine again, "you gotta stop calling me."
"You said that last time as well but look at you now," Morris laughed.
"Come on man, it's important that I stop."
"You don't wanna stop though."
Rafa let out a sigh, "look, I'm trying to prove something to my girlf- ...ex-girlfriend."
"A'ight, I respect that," Morris nodded slowly but then he quickly continued, "so did you just call me here to pin your lady troubles on me? Cause I have a customer waiting up on Seventh Ave."
Rafa blew out some air, embarrassed by the decision he was about to make.
"...Or do you wanna buy?" Morris continued as he read Rafa's body language.
"...you're not gonna tell Diggs are you?"
"Do I look like a fucking snitch?" Morris looked offended, "and you know me and Diggs don't talk no more."
"Yeah, alright. This stays between us, okay? If word gets out, I'm fucked."
"A'ight bruh," Morris laughed, "Now, how much do you need?"
"Just... just give me an eightball," Rafa mumbled.
Morris let out a small laugh, "an eightball? Man, you're not about to quit," he chuckled and handed Rafa a zip-lock bag with white powder in it.
"Shut up," Rafa mumbled and pocketed the baggie, "how much?"
"Rafa, you're my man, so I'mma give you a discount because I feel bad for you and your girl. Three hundo."
"Three hundred?! Last time it was two-eighty without the discount."
"Times are changing. I haven't seen you in three weeks, man. Plus, this is a good batch," Morris poked Rafa in the chest, "my contact got it shipped in directly from Medellín. Look, it got fish scale and everything!"
"You better not fuck me over," Rafa muttered and threw Morris three hundred-dollar bills before he turned away from him with an annoyed huff.
"Pleasure doing business as always, Casal! See you next weekend!" Morris yelled after Rafa with a small laugh, apparently not a care in the world for who knew about their illegal transaction.
"Fucking idiot," Rafa muttered to himself without turning around. He had more important things to do than to scold Morris about his indiscretion.
Rafa hurried to the restroom and carefully locked the door behind him before he frantically pulled out the zip-lock bag. He examined its contents and saw the pearl-like surface that Morris had talked about - Fuck it looked good! He opened the bag carefully but froze when he caught his own reflection in the bathroom mirror; the loving look he was sending the bag of coke was sickening. It made his stomach plummet. Had he really been reduced to snorting coke alone in a dirty bathroom of a sketchy club? He remembered when it had been a group activity. Before he couldn't control it.
Shake it off! He told himself. He had every intention of stopping after tonight. This would be the last time.
You said that last time as well, a small voice rang in the back of his head, but he ignored his guilty conscience and instead poured out a small pile of the pearl-like coke on top of the hand dryer. Quickly, he pulled out a random card from his wallet and used it to form two heavy lines. Before his guilty conscience could interfere again, he also grabbed a one-dollar bill that he neatly rolled into a small tube and put between his right nostril and one of the white lines, ready for the rush. His gaze, however, lingered on the random card he had used to break the coke into lines; it was his fucking rewards card for the small organic, artisan shit coffee house that you liked. What wouldn't you say if you knew what he was doing? In his mind's eye, he could see the disappointed look you always sent him whenever he'd come home all hyped up, rambling his mouth off. You never got angry with him and his love of coke, but somehow your disappointed demeanour was way worse. He would've taken screaming and yelling over the disappointed stare and the slow shake of your head any day.
Slowly, he removed the dollar-bill from his nostril, stood up straight and met his own eyes in the mirror again - and for a moment, he could truly see how pathetic he was. What the hell was he doing? He was throwing away his last shot at getting you back - and for what? A few hours of euphoria and confidence?
But she doesn't want you back, a small voice rang inside his head, you called, and you called, and you called. You declared yourself clean to her voicemail and she still didn't reach out. Fuck her!
"Yeah, fuck her," Rafa mumbled before he put the dollar-bill back to his nostril. Quickly, he snorted both lines of coke, shooting his head back afterwards, sniffling a bit as he cleaned his nose with the back of his hand. He knew he only had a couple of minutes before the euphoria kicked in, so he quickly brushed off the dollar-bill and the rewards card and tugged them both back in his wallet. The remainder of the coke was stowed away in his shirt's breast pocket for safe keeping.
Ready for the rush, Rafa was impatiently staring at himself in the mirror. He was thinking about how to avoid Diggs and his condescending looks for the duration of his high, when he was finally overwhelmed by the familiar fuzzy feeling. It came out of nowhere and started behind his eyeballs and continued all the way down to his toenails. It felt as if someone had pulled a large, fluffy blanket down over him, and it was slowly heating up his body, making him feel safe and secure. His pulse quickened in time with his breathing, and he had to close his eyes to get himself under control. He felt fucking powerful! Morris had not lied about this coming from a good batch. "Shit, Morris," he laughed.
There was a knock on the door, and Rafa remembered that he had occupied the men's room for a good five minutes now. He took a last look at his suddenly hazed eyes, aware that no matter how hard he tried to hide it, anyone could see that he was high as a kite. He contemplated riding out his high alone in the bathroom but also knew that with the amount of energy present in his body, he couldn't stay in the small restroom all night. He had to dance! To fuck! To fight!
With a suddenly confident bounce in his step, he opened the door, and sent the guy in line what he hoped was an apologetic nod before he confidently strode towards the honeys on the dance floor.
"Hey Rafa!" he heard someone yell behind him.
Hoping it was someone who wanted to fight, Rafa quickly turned around but was slightly disappointed to see Diggs coming towards him with a huge grin on his face. Shit! Rafa realised that he had to act nonchalant around his best friend. Diggs absolutely couldn't know about the coke in his breast pocket, or he'd be all up in Rafa's face about it.
"Diiiiiggs! My man!" Rafa yelled overly excited, clearly very, very high.
Diggs shot him a look at his weird behaviour before he continued, "where've you been, man? I've been looking for you everywhere."
"R-r-r-r-r-r-r-rrrrrrrestroom," Rafa laughed, he was too happy to pretend otherwise.
"Why are you saying it like th-" the huge grin was slowly slipping from Diggs' face, "...hey, Rafa - look at me," Diggs suddenly sounded all serious as he took Rafa's face in his hands, carefully examining his features, "Rafa, look at me."
Rafa let out a low chuckle, "Diggs, you know I think you're handsome and all that, but I don't like you that way," he joked.
"You're being weird," Diggs furrowed his eyebrows, "- and your pupils are huge. Have you been doing lines in the bathroom?"
"Maybe," Rafa laughed, unable to stop himself from revealing his dirty little secret, "why? You want some? I still have a few hits left," he padded his breast pocket.
"You know I don't do that shit anymore..." Diggs let go of Rafa with a sigh and looked away from him.
"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a fucking saint now," Rafa said a bit more harshly than he had intended to. Ever since Diggs had met Emmy, he had been boring as hell.
Diggs chose not to comment on Rafa's low blow, and managed to keep his calm, "I thought you'd stopped, bruh."
"Morris made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Rafa laughed in an accent halfway between Tony Montana and Vito Corleone.
"Yeah well, I'm not the only one who thought you were done fucking around," Diggs said seriously. He was having none of Rafa's jokes, "I just saw your girl downstairs. She wants to talk to you."
It took a few seconds before Rafa understood, but when he finally grasped Diggs' words, he felt the blood drain from his face and his mouth run dry, "what? No, you're kidding me..."
"Nope," Diggs sighed, "I've been running around trying to find you for fifteen minutes..."
"Shit! What the fuck do I do?" Rafa said in a panicked voice, licking his lips frantically, "I told her I was sober! If she sees me like this, she'll never take me back."
"Yeah, well you better pray that you don't run into her."
Rafa ran his hand through his hair, "fuck I'm screwed. She's downstairs?"
"Was fifteen minutes ago."
"Alright, I'm jumping out this window. You stall her, tell her that I got sick or something."
"You can't jump out this window?" Diggs said incredulously, "we're 50 feet up, if you do that, you die! Just walk out the doo- ...oh shit, dude, we're blown. She's here. She's coming over."
"Fuck! Can I still bolt?"
"Of course not!"
"Well how do I look? Alright?"
"You look-" Diggs cut himself off, "...maybe just try and avoid her looking into your eyes, okay?"
"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"
"The light in here's paying you a favour but apart from that you're gonna have to pull yourself together. You brought this upon yourself," Diggs said harshly before his demeanour changed completely as his eyes interlocked with yours over Rafa's shoulder, "heeeeey," he smiled broadly, "look who I found."
Rafa slowly turned around and met you. Your stunning beauty - as always - immediately knocking him to the ground. He couldn't believe that it had been four weeks since the last time he'd seen you. He'd do anything to get you back!
"Rafa," you nodded formally with a stiff face. Rafa couldn't help but make a mental note on how weird it was to see you without a smile on your lips. You were normally always so happy. He had done this, he reminded himself.
"Hey baby," he whispered, the words weirdly familiar in his throat.
You briefly raised your eyebrows while looking away from him, clearly uncomfortable by the sound of your old pet name.
"Sorry," he continued, "force of habit. ...I'm just happy to see you."
Your gaze slowly found his face, and Rafa prayed that you couldn't see his coke-eyes from where you were standing.
"Well..." you said and clicked your tongue, "I'd like to talk to you."
"I'd like to talk to you too," Rafa said quietly.
"And you're sober? Like you said on my voicemail?"
"Yes," Rafa breathed, "completely sober," he lied thickly, hyper-aware of how awkward it was with Diggs shuffling nervously beside him. He was uncomfortably rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet.
"Good," you finally let out a small smile, "do you want to sit down?"
"Yeah," Rafa nodded.
"Yeah, I'll - uh - I'll leave you to it," Diggs cleared his throat and padded Rafa between the shoulder blades as a way of wishing him good luck.
"Thanks man," Rafa muttered before he followed you down to a vacant booth in the corner of the room. Instead of sitting down opposite you, he made sure to occupy the seat next to you, hoping that it would minimise the risk of you looking into his eyes. He just had to pretend that he was sober until the high quieted down. Fourty-five more minutes - Less if he was lucky.
"So, how've you been?" You said quietly as you were both overlooking the dance floor, avoiding looking directly at each other.
"Not good," Rafa said quietly, "like shit, actually... how about you?"
"Yeah, well I guess 'shit' sums it up neatly... How's sober life?"
"Oh, it's - yeah - it's - it's great!" He said, the lie thick in his throat, "I feel so much better now." He knew how much he had hurt you, and he knew how difficult it must be for you to face him after you'd said that you never wanted to see him again - which just really only made his lying so much worse. Fuck, how he hated himself for what he had done. What he was still doing.
Your eyes darted across his face before your gaze settled on a spot just below his chin. He was relieved that you weren't staring him square in the eyes. "I was so happy to hear your voicemail," you whispered, "you really flushed your stash?"
"Yes," he croaked.
"I'm glad that you're finally taking care of yourself," he couldn't make out your face in the dark but he could hear a hint of happiness to your voice that you were clearly trying to suppress. It made him feel horrible.
"Yeah, I want to stay sober for you," he said slowly. At least that wasn't a lie.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me," you said quietly, the happiness definitely shining through now.
Rafa's heart was fluttering in his chest, and he felt the coke-induced euphoria run amok in his brain, "...does that mean you'll forgive me?" All his senses were heightened.
"It's a step in the right direction" you said quietly, still not looking directly at him, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too baby," Rafa said quietly and boldly took your hand in his.
Finally, you looked up at him, and to avoid you noticing his bloodshot eyes with the dilated pupils, he took a quick decision, leaned in and crashed his lips against yours.
Luckily, you mistook his desperation for passion and fiercely kissed him back, your hand releasing itself from his, and instead caressing his neck. In-between kisses you managed to mumble, "I'm still... mad... at you."
"I know," Rafa mumbled, enjoying the familiar feeling of your lips against his. Your hands switched to caressing his torso, and your small fingers travelled over his stomach and up his chest, coming to a halt over his heart. It was racing against his ribcage and he had no idea whether it was due to the coke or due to the heap of emotions he felt in his chest. He couldn't believe he was kissing you again. He had completely written it off no more than half an hour ago.
Your right hand moved away from his heart but came to a sudden halt when you felt a small bump in Rafa's breast pocket. Still kissing him, you ran your fingers over the bump a few times before you remembered that it was where he always kept his coke. Quickly, you pulled your lips away from his.
"Wait, no, don't take kissing away from me," he hummed, completely unaware of the discovery you'd just done.
You were looking at his euphoric face with the closed eyes and the swollen lips as you moved your hand over his breast pocket once more.
When Rafa realised what was going on his eyes flew open and he spluttered, "it isn't what you think!"
But he was too slow to react, and before he had had the chance to move away, your fingers went inside his breast pocket and grabbed the small bag from there. "You've got to be kidding me!" You said angrily as you held his coke between your fingertips.
"Baby, I can explain," Rafa said quickly while desperately grabbing your wrist.
"Rafa, you fucking idiot! Don't touch me!" You wrestled yourself out of his grip, got up from your seat, and fast-paced towards the door.
"Baby! Baby!" Rafa yelled out as he ran after you.
"Don't touch me!" You cried, attracting the attention of everyone in your path.
You stormed out the door, Rafa at your heel desperately clinging to every inch of you that he could reach. When you reached the curb outside, he finally managed to run up in front of you, stopping you in your tracks, "baby, I can explain!" He said desperately.
"You said you'd flushed it all!" You were screaming at him now, the tears running down your face.
"It was a mistake, baby, I swear I didn't mean to. I flushed it all, I promise. It's just a setback."
"When did you buy this, Rafa?" You said through gritted teeth, "how long did you manage to stay sober before you decided you wanted to throw it all away?"
Rafa looked away from you, he was so embarrassed by himself, "Morris called and I tried to say no, I really did! Baby, I tried so hard to resist it. But he was persistent."
"Well, did he force you to buy?" You hissed. You were having none of his excuses.
"...No." Rafa admitted.
"When did you buy it?" You emphasised every word, "before or after you called me last weekend?"
"After..."
"When? How long after? When did you have your setback?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes! I need to know if you did it because you were physically craving it, because you just felt like getting high, or if you did it because you’d thrown the thought of us away when I didn’t answer you.”
"I tried to fight it, I swear I tried to fight it," he was getting choked up.
"Rafa, tell me when you bought it."
He considered shooting you a lie but he didn't want to fuck up any more. "I bought it tonight..." he finally muttered under his breath, avoiding your gaze.
"You're not serious!! You bought it tonight?" You bellowed, "are you trying to tell me that you planned on throwing away your soberness tonight? That if I hadn't shown up, you'd be high as balls right now?"
Rafa didn't say anything, he just looked at you with huge eyes, the embarrassment evident on his face - and first then did you notice his blood-shot eyeballs with the abnormally large pupils that had taken over most of the green that was normally present.
"No..." you whispered when you realised, "no, no, no..." you groaned quietly, clutching your chest, "you're high right now?" The heartbreak was evident in your voice.
Rafa sent you a pained look. He fucking hated himself.
"You're high..." You stated in a whisper, the tears were streaming down your face, "you lied."
He had broken your heart. Again.
"I - I didn't mean to," he croaked, "I was just so happy to see you. I knew you wouldn't want to talk to me if I told you the truth."
"So you planned on telling me when?"
"I don't know," he croaked, "I didn't think it through. I've been sober for three weeks. Tonight's just a small setback. Baby, I swear, I'll block Morris and I'll flush this baggie right now if I can just get you back," Rafa was begging, “I’ll stop if you tell me to!”
"Rafa, how many times do I have to tell you," you cried, "You have to stop because you want to. Not because I tell you to stop! I don't care about the snorting! I don't care that you party and get high! You've done lines of my tits several times for God's sake! But I can't live with the constant lying that has become part of it!"
Fuck, Rafa knew what you were building to. His life's biggest mistake. He had it coming, he knew it. He deserved it. He was a fucking cheating coke-head and he hated it. "Please don't bring it up," he sobbed.
You didn't listen to him. You had to confront him with it because he clearly hadn't understood. "Rafa, you fucked another girl! And you were so high that you didn't even realise it! And when you woke up the next day and saw what you'd done, you lied about your whereabouts and the fact that you'd been high as fuck! I had to learn about it through her!" You were sobbing, "...and instead of staying home and comforting me, you lied about having to go to the studio, and you met up with Morris and you got high! Again! If knowing that you're breaking my heart with your constant lies doesn't make you want to quit, I'm not sure what will."
"I want to stop!" he sobbed. He had never felt so horrible before, "I love you, I want to be with you," he sniffled and took your hand, "please give me another chance! I'll stop snorting. I'll stop lying. I'll do anything for you."
It looked as if you were contemplating his words but the look in your eyes darkened suddenly and you let out a whisper, "no Rafa!" as you pulled your hand away from his.
"Baby, please!" He pleaded desperately, "I love you."
"You love coke more," you whispered.
"I have a problem," Rafa tried desperately, "I know. I can't stop. But I'll get help. I'll do whatever you want me to do!"
"Rafa, if you stop snorting because I tell you to stop, it will never last! You love getting high!"
"That's not true... it's pathetic," he cried.
"Rafa, honey,” you said quietly, “- ask yourself this; would you be throwing away this baggie and deleting Morris' number if I wasn't leaving you because of it?"
"Yes," he croaked immediately.
You took a deep breath of air, hurt written all over your face, "Love," you sighed desperately as a fresh wave of tears started streaming down your face, "you're lying again..." you sobbed, and put the baggie in the palm of his hand and folded his fingers around it.
"I'm flushing it," he croaked.
"Do whatever you want," you whispered and looked him in the eye, "We're not together anymore. I'm done - it's over,” you said as you slowly turned around and started walking away from him.
“No, no, no! Please come back!”
“No Rafa… This time I'm serious,” you said before you started walking again.
This time, Rafa didn't run after you. He just watched you walk further and further away from him as your hands dried the tears off of your face every two seconds. He imagined you stopping, imagined the hurt look you'd send him. How he'd run over to you and take you in his arms. Imagined how he'd apologise and you'd both hug and cry and kiss it out. But you didn't stop. You didn't send him any look at all. And he didn’t run to you, he was glued to the pavement.
He stood as if frozen in time and looked after you even long after you'd disappeared around the corner. Suddenly, however, he noticed that he was still clutching the baggie in his closed fist. Slowly, he opened the palm to reveal the beautiful mother-of-pearl-coloured powder. He contemplated dropping it down the gutter next to him. It would all be so easy.
But instead, he closed his fingers around it and pocketed it right above his broken heart. It would help relieve the terrible thunder that he felt rolling over him. It brought along a storm of emotions. A hurricane of regrets. And he was desperate to get high.
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hi hazel!! i hope you've been having a lovely day/night :))
if it's not too much trouble, would you mind helping me boost my fic "redamancy"? it's a zhongli x gn reader historical au and a little over 8k words :D
tumblr's giving me some issues with my tags so it doesn't appear in anything i've tagged it in >:(
this is totally up to you though, no pressure!! i feel a bit guilty even asking for this ehe :') but i worked really hard on it and it's made me a bit sad that tumblr screwed me over like this
i hope you've been doing well and taking good care of yourself! :D <3
(ps: i saw some of your colorado pics and they were so pretty :O they kind of reminded me of a roadtrip i took down the east coast one summer!)
Hey dear!! That's unfortunate to hear your work got suppressed because of the tag system!
I hope it's not a consistent issue!! That would super suck (sometimes I see a work that I thought was really good and it doesn't have a lot of interaction, and others shock me with the notes lol! - though I appreciate all the time people spend to read anything I write 🙌🙌)
Happy reading everyone!
(Oh! Thanks for the love on my photos! 👏❤)
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idol-trickster · 3 years
Text
OOC: updates on the blog?
Hello all! 
Thank you so much 💜 for such lovely reception, again, especially with this event! I wasn’t sure how well it’d be taken, as it’s a bit 👌 off-canon, but honestly I’m so grateful and blown away by the support you guys give and it makes me want to keep working hard! As such, I want to be fully transparent with everything going on around the blog. (The various art streams being a stepping stone) With some changes made to help interactions!
Sadly one of the things I wish I did better with my first ask-blog was be more transparent and open. You can say I was a bit nervous and unsure how much to interact or what content to post or reblog, a valuable learning lesson; All of which I’m taking and fledging out with this blog to become a warmer and productive face in the community I adore so much!
      To begin:
   A few of you may have noticed, but I’ve added a new ❔ Counter for Asks on my blog description (at least the sidebar/mobile version). I’ll try to update this as much as possible so you all can get an estimate of response times.
     I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if it’d be in poor taste or not to have this feature in the open, as I don’t want it to look like I’m...flaunting? However, realistically, I know this will help everyone interacting with me understand my workload. The last thing I want is for you to feel like I’m ignoring your questions or interacts! I see it all:  the replies , the asks, the mentions, the reblogs  (( I do go through and read tags and I love them all very much. 😭💜 even especially the thirst on main ones HAHA. ✨Oh golly, to everyone who tells me they love my art, you guys are the MVPs it makes my day so much! Especially reassuring with how much of a journey my consistency is and how I often I change my style; I worry haha~ 💦 ))
Now, while the !Survivor event is time limited; lasting maybe a month or two? (three if you guys like it enough or how asks go?) I’ll still respond to non-event posts, especially for threads on-going, so you don’t get bored or miss Trickster too much! 😂
     With this counter in place I’d personally like it to stay around 20-ish asks if possible. *Wink wink nudge nudge* , So I’m humbly asking followers and fans to keep a general mindfulness about this so everyone can have a turn and try to send in one ask each.
   If you’re running a fellow ask blog, don’t worry about the counter too much  when sending in an ask (I know ideas can be fleeting) unless you’re wanting a fast response: This is because I want to interact with a variety of blogs as much as possible in the dbd community. ⭐ I’ll sacrifice the work load for lining up content 🙏. 
     Although, if my asks reach 40, I’ll set it as a hard limit cut-off and close ask-box until I can reduce it. This will be for my peace of mind of not getting too far behind~ 🌺
I would like to also try and be even faster with my response times, which unfortunately means cutting down on some of the art posts. 😰 I’ve streamlined my art while still remaining fairly pleasing to me, and I don’t want to sacrifice quality too much, so I will instead be reserving art for interacts and look more into doing text posts for general answers (Maybe even doing sprites, like a few of my friends, or keep up with some doodle work). Of course this is liable to change, depending on the inspiration or flow. I’ll take artistic liberties 📝. 
With all this being said (whew that was a lot, sorry), I hope that this will bring you guys peace of mind along with me, and have you guys look forward to seeing the new system in place! Organization really does help so much... 🥰 
I am looking forward to interacting with everyone and even streaming more art for you guys if you don’t mind a spoiler here or there on occasion and are interested. ( I try to stream often on discord, so again, a plug for the DBD server I’m running with a few friends. It’s turning into a really lovely place lately with all the amazing bloggers and we try to be drama-free and welcoming to all as a community~)
I don’t know how to wrap this up so...Lastly, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! AAAAAH I’m sorry but IT’S SO AMAZING EVERYTIME to just be a part of this community and seeing everyone else unleash their creativity and show interest in mine. It’s truly such a wonderful thing and I’m so so so grateful to every single one of you that makes this place such a good one and looks at my art and just hhh 🤩 I’ll be sure to get back on the grind now LOL 💪 have a wonderful week every single last one of you.
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