#i hate it so bad
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Amikor azt a szeretetet kapod amit egész életedben megérdemeltél volna,
Tudni fogod valahol, hogy nem is voltál tisztán szeretve eddig soha.
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why can’t i fucking function like everyone else, this is debilitating
#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd shitposting#actually borderline#bpd#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#bpd fp#bpd problems#bpd vent#i hate it so bad#i feel like i’m going insane
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“Those of you that have been with me on this journey will be well rewarded on Saturday, because you will be the first to know how massive this is, how ambitious this project is. Saturday is going to be very interesting. I hope you’re ready.”
FIT OF 2B2T WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
#qsmp#liveblogging#live blogging#qsmp liveblog#qsmp lore#q fit#q fitmc#I HATE IT#I HATE IT SO BAD#I HATE IT HERE#BUT AT THE SAME TIME#I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE#WHAT IS HE GOING ON ABOUT
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#low cal restriction#thinspø#ed bllog#need to lose more weight#low cal diet#waistline#small waist#im fat and ugly#i hate it so bad#th!nsp0#fashion#i wanna be skinnier#tw ana fast#Spotify
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I FUCKIGNN HATE TH ECHARGE RIFLE
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as much as i love reo and nagis relationship, im just so frustrated right now i need to talk about this, maybe im wrong but i honestly just need to let it out
spoilers for the blue lock manga
(i forgot how to put a read more warning bc i rarely do these types of posts so im so sorry)
they really had whole ass pages of reo saying he had to play his own soccer and not be nagis right hand man, to take goals for himself and show the world that he can fight on his own, just to A PAGE LATER have nagi say "i need you reo" and throw everything into the trash.
AGAIN I LOVE THEM I DO, but being individual is a good thing, they had a codependent relationship when it came to soccer, i thought it was healthy for reo to see value in himself, his talent and dreams, to let himself grow outside of his relationship with nagi. thats quite literally what nagi did in the second selection and it went great for him, he grew just like he wanted to. reo was growing and then they decided to switch up on that and have reo back nagi up again and im so frustrated about it, and all of that just to beat isagi. I LOVE THEM BUT ITS OKAY TO BE INDIVIDUAL, THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU'RE RELATIONSHIP IS WEAKER IT ACTUALLY MAKES IT STRONGER WHY DID THE AUTHOR DO THIS I HATE IT SO MUCH.
i love that they are together i do, but i dont like the way they did it, it just doesnt feel right and it fell flat for me, which it shouldn't since i really like both of their characters. i just wanted to let that out sorry i annoyed anyone i just needed to talk about it.
#idc if u ship them or see them as just friends whatever i still hate the way this was done#and all i can think about isnt even the characters making poor decisions its tHE AUTHOR MAKING POOR DECISIONS#i hate it so bad#nagi took a step back and grew and it was great#it was also reos wake up call for him to do the same but he got wrapped up in jealousy which is completely normal to feel#but then just as he started to grow out of that state of mind and work on himself they drag them back into the same bullshit as before#:////////#im pissed can you tell#also if you blame isagi for any of this thats a skill issue tbh isagi has absolutely nothing to do with their relationship#he didnt ask nagi to leave reo and join him he didnt ask nagi to be his rival and beat him it was all nagis decision#stop trying to blame isagi for everything#whatever sorry for the spoilers#blue lock rant#blue lock#reonagi#reo mikage#nagi seishiro#im not saying reo cant change his mind i just dont like the way they did it you know?
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Liquid Courage
A/N: anyone ask for ANOTHER angsty but super sweet Jegulus short? No? Well have one anyways :) no smut, sorry to disappoint :( In my mind the characters are 17/18 in this fic. This is not to be interpreted as underage,
Summary: Just an anxty but also very fluffy ending fic about how a seemingly innocent game of spin the bottle leads to tears and revelations between our two faves (Jegulus). See notes in link for TWs.
This is part 1 of a series of angsty marauders spin the bottle fics!
Link to ao3 work (please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! <333 )
James isn't sure when Regulus stopped looking at him as though he'd torn the stars from the sky and made the go world dark.
He's sure its recent, somewhere in between when Regulus and Sirius showed up at his house; soaking wet and beaten bloody, and those soft summer nights which followed; playing cards and stargazing to the tune of Sirius and Remus' gentle flirting.
He thinks maybe it was a gradual process. That Regulus' gaze began to soften that first night, when James dragged them both inside and smothered them with family, and warmth, and home; all in some sort of childish attempt to fix whatever mess Walburger had tried to drown them in.
He thinks maybe it began when he took Regulus' feet; torn soled and bare, and held them between his hands to warm them, unable to let go until his father gentled him out of the way and healed them himself.
Or maybe it was That Night. The night where the third summer storm of that week hit and Regulus crawled into his bed and let their fingers brush beneath the sheets.
Either way, James doesn't know quite when Regulus started to drop his guard. To smile in that soft, sweet way that James knows is reserved only for him. To let the slightest dusting of pink colour the space between his freckles. To let James invade his personal space, if only to give into the temptation to lean his head against the older boy's shoulder.
He doesn't quite know when it started, but he certainly knows when it stopped.
1 hour earlier
It had been Dorcas' idea; teeth gleaming in a flirtatious grin as she eyed up Marlene.
They'd all been more than a little tipsy, gathered in the Gryffindor common room for their first get together of the new school year.
Its not that difficult to get everyone to agree.
Its just them. Well, the 8 marauders + three stray slytherins. Honestly, James isn't sure he wants to know how Barty and Evan made their way into the tower, but having Regulus there, after all these years, makes something warm blossom in his chest.
Somehow, James is sure that everyone present has at least one person they're desperate to snog. Be it Remus and Sirius, Mary and Lily, hell, anyone would have to be blind to miss the way Barty and Evan were dancing around eachother; eager to explore something new whilst desperately keeping their distance.
And James? James is looking at Regulus.
Even now, as he takes in Regulus' sock clad toes across the circle, James feels something protective bubble in his stomach. Its all he can remember. That confused, niave question of why on earth Regulus was barefoot in the rain echoing around his head. Regulus whose expression was completely blank. Regulus, whose bare feet curled against the jagged concrete of their walkway; leaving speckles of blood in their wake.
Regulus is laughing, now, leaning into Barty's space, so soft and sweet in one of Remus' old jumpers; nuzzling against the mischievious boy in a way James knows he only does with those closest to him.
James can't control the strange, jealous, pang that sits heavy in his chest.
He ignores it as best as he can, of course. Partly because for the first time ever, Regulus seems completely relaxed; basking in the warmth of the gryffindor tower, surrounded by his friends and family.
"So, who's going?"
It's Lily who moves first, a mischivious smirk on her lips as she takes in her options.
She takes her time, long, elegant fingers wrapping around the bottle as she gets just the right angle. James wouldn't be surprised if she was calculating some sort of muggle equation to get exactly who she wanted, genius that she is.
There was a time where he would've given anything for the bottle to land on him. But somehow, somewhere in the last three months, that desire had completely evapourated.
They all watch, drunken and giggling as she makes her spin. It rotates once, twice, three times before landing somewhere in between Peter and Mary.
"Huh." She says, pausing for a second as she stares at the bottle before looking up at them. "Guess you'll both just have to share. "
James chokes on his drink.
From there on things just seem to get messier.
Sirius is first to pounce on the bottle, spinning it recklessly before cackling as it lands on Dorcas. The latter of which grins like a cat, then crawls across the circle so that she can straddle Sirius, laughing as he lets his eyes wander over her curves. Their kiss is messy and wet, more a jokey performance than anything, but James doesn't miss the way Remus' knuckles have turned white where they hold his bottle.
It continues from there, with Marlene kissing Barty; something sweet and patronising that lets him know he never had a chance. Followed by Evan getting Peter, who grins and pecks the younger boy thoughtlessly on the lips; laughing as he watches Barty sidle up to the blond boy afterwards, a small frown pulling at his eyebrows.
When Remus spins, only to land on Lily, Sirius positively squawks, demanding a replay as he preaches about bad spinning technique and unfair games.
Remus only rolls his eyes, leaning over to kiss Lily. It leaving her slightly breathless when he pulls away.
Sirius scowls for the next three spins.
When the bottle finally reaches James, he's worked himself up into some sort of panic.
He's been calculating how things are going, his drunken mind convincing him that based on some sort of balance of probilities, there's no chance that he's going to get to kiss Regulus tonight.
So why is he so nervous?
He leans forwards to grab the bottle, purposely not looking up as he lets it spin.
It's like watching it move in slow motion, each full circle seeming to take a life time to complete, but then suddenly, so suddenly that James feels like he's gotten whiplash, it stops.
It stops.
On Regulus.
"No. Absolutely not. That's incestuous-"
"Sirius, you can't just protest to every single bottle spin. It defeats the purpose of the game-"
"I can and I will. James, don't you dare-"
But it's too late.
Already, James is leaning in, his hand reaching out to cup the side of Regulus' face, their eyes meeting as James checks that this is okay.
Regulus' guard seems to completely drop, the way it only seems to do when him and James are alone; the way it only does when James' gentleness has taken him by surprise.
He's looking at the older boy, wide eyed, lips parted, as though he can't fully comprehend what's happening. As though he can't quite believe his luck. Like- Like-
Their lips are touching.
It's warm. And soft. And impossibly gentle. And instantly, James knows. Knows that Regulus has been saving this for him. Knows that whatever Regulus is handing over to him right now is fragile and sweet and so, so, important.
He lets his hand move, slowly, gently, to cup Regulus' face; hands like his have hurt Regulus before and the last thing he wants is to break whatever bubble seems to have surrounded them.
Regulus make a tiny, hurt sound at the action; melting into the kiss as though it's the last thing keeping him breathing.
James grins, letting his thumb brush over Regulus' cheek; all delicate skin and fragile bone.
He feels infinate, as though he could do this forever; take Regulus apart and put him back together again and again until the sun falls out of the sky.
He feels Regulus move into the kiss, a subtle hint that he wants more.
Before James can stop himself, he's giving in; letting his tongue soothe over Regulus' lower lip, pressing forwards until he feels Regulus' lips part and a warm tongue pressing back against his own.
Suddenly, there's a wolf whistle and James yanks himself backwards, embarrassment heating his cheeks as he realises they've gone on too long.
He glances up at Reg, a shy grin already forming on his lips, only to find that Regulus is staring at him like he's been caught; eyes wide and wild like a deer in headlights.
Because it's a game.
It's a game and he's just embarrassed himself.
"Reg-" James tries, but its too late, and before he can reach out, Regulus has dissappeared out of the hole behind the portrait.
"What the fuck was that?" Sirius asks. Because he's Sirius, and apparantly completely fucking oblivious.
Even so, James flinches at the words.
He'd known that this would be a mistake. Of course he'd known. He'd known since Regulus had fallen asleep on his shoulder during one of their many summer movie nights, only to leap up in embarrassment the second he'd realised that it was James he was sleeping on. He'd known since the kid would stutter incoherently and flee the room whenever the topic of sexuality and crushes emmerged within their friendship group. He'd known since he realised that the Regulus he knew; the eager, contemplative, affectionate Regulus, that soothed his own sharp edges just in case they came into contact with James, only existed when they were alone.
And sure, he'd tried. He'd tried not to unearth everything with that kiss. Not to let the others see just how much he wanted it, how much Regulus wanted it too. Not to ruin the sweet thing they had blossoming between them.
But he was drunk. Drunk and stupid and so helplessly wanting that all he'd succeeded in doing was tearing the other apart and leaving him wide open for show in front of everyone else.
He's a fool. A fucking fool and all he wants to do is curl up and scream-
"Go. After. Him."
It takes him a second to realise its Barty that has grabbed him by the collar and is hissing instructions in his ear.
It takes him even less time to get himself up off of the floor and out of the portrait; ignoring the confusion he leaves in his wake.
Present
The thing about Regulus, is that he's always been slightly predictable when it comes to hiding places.
Sirius would always claim that it was yet another thing that held Regulus back from being the superiour brother. Loudly and frequently retelling the story that no matter how many times they'd play hide and seek, he'd always find the younger boy curled up under Sirius' bed, often just below where Sirius was counting.
In hindsight, it probably has more to do with the fact that the only place Regulus ever felt safe, when he was playing a game as childish as hide and seek in their mother's home, was beneath his big brother's bed. But it's one of Sirius' only good memories of their childhood, so James has always kept that thought to himself.
As a result, James finds him exactly where he'd expected.
Well, almost.
What James had expected was to find Regulus restless and pacing around the astronomy tower; all pent up anger and ready to strike.
He'd been prepared for insults, and viscious declarations; that the kiss had meant nothing and that James was stupid to expect anything other than a punch to the fact for the shit he'd just pulled.
What he gets instead, is exponentially worse.
Regulus- well, Regulus is curled up in the corner of the room, his face pressing into his knees as his shoulders shake with the force of his silent sobs.
James' heart drops.
"Reg?" He calls out, mindful of startling the boy as he approaches.
Regulus just curls tighter in on himself, as though if he gets small enough, James won't be able to see him.
James swallows thickly before trying again.
"Hey." He says, softly, as he slides down the wall to sit beside the boy.
"Go away." Regulus says. His voice is weak, and James fails to contain his rioting heart as he stuggles to disguise a sniffle.
"Reggie." James repeats, his voice even softer; as though his heart can't cope with anything stronger. "I'm sorry."
Regulus shakes his head, curles bouncing as his breath stutters between tears.
"Reggie, look at me a sec." James' hand is half outstretched; the desire to gather Regulus up in his arms and never let go almost to strong to resist. "Please." He adds, because Regulus has never once denied him when he begged.
Slowly, cautiously, Regulus lifts his head, his eyes red rimmed and glassy as they skate around the room before finally landing back on James.
"There you are." James whispers, unable to help himself as he reaches out, his touch feather light as he soothes a thumb across Regulus' cheekbone.
Instead of calming the boy, like James thought it would, the tears that had clouded his vision spill over.
"Reggie." James breathes, his heart cracking in his chest. "Reg. Please don't cry. I don't- I'm sorry- I thought it would be okay. I'm drunk. And stupid. And you're just- well you're you and I like you and- no, what I mean is- I didn't think it would hurt you-"
"How could it not hurt? You- James, you're not oblivious- You must- You can't just kiss me like that to play a game. Not when you- not when its clear that I-" Regulus cuts himself off, sucking in a breath as he wipes furiously at his eyes.
"What are you talking about?" James asks, his eyebrows pulling down in the middle as he stares at the younger boy. "You- That wasn't- Reg, you think I kissed you like that, for a game?"
Regulus stares at him blankly.
"God, for someone so smart you can be really fucking stupid." James laughs, and then suddenly he's pressing his lips against Regulus'; taking his time to unpick each any every insecurity as he gentles his way through Regulus' defences, deepending the kiss unil their tongues are tied and he's holding the boy against him like his life depends on it.
And this. Oh, this, is what he'd wanted. No audience, no game, nothing except the stars and the sky and the two of them.
Its Regulus who pulls away first, laughing softly as James chases his lips.
"It really wasn't just for show?" He asks, once James' eyes meet his.
"I mean, it must've been one hell of a show. Not that Sirius will have much enjoyed it." James grins, laughing when Regulus smacks his chest before sobering up. "Of course it wasn't. I've wanted to do that for months. Hell, I think I've loved you for months."
"Good." Reg mumbles, breath still hitching slightly as he moves to hide his face in the crook of James' neck, nibbling softly at the skin there. "I think I've loved you since the night you pulled me in from the rain."
"Reg, you were completely out of it."
"Hm." Regulus huffs, pulling away so that he can rest his forehead against James'. "Maybe it was just infactuation, then. Sirius had always said you were like warmth in human form. But I think that was the first time I really realised how cold I'd been."
And oh, Merlin, James is fucked.
Truly and utterly, fucked.
2022 © all content belongs to bunny175 or bunny17 on ao3. Please don’t repost my work anywhere <3
#my emotionally stunted babies#also#if someone knows how to make the link less ugly please please tell me#i hate it so bad#marauders smut#marauders era#marauders#ao3#ao3fic#sweet James#oblivious James potter#first kiss#spin the bottle#regulus angst#regulus black angst#wolfstar#james/regulus#james potter/regulus black#regulus black/James potter#regulus black x james potter#james potter x regulus black#angst with a happy ending#hurt/comfort#sweet regulus black#jegulus
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There’s this guy who’s on my music course who’s been texting me for no fucking reason for the last few days and it’s genuinely pissing me off. He’s one of those guys who you can tell had literal 0 respect for women and I know this because whenever I’ve tried to have a conversation with the guy he will blatantly interrupt me, make fun of me, single me out for having a differing opinion. I befriended him on the basis of “oh he can’t be that bad” and gave him the benefit for of the doubt. Only then realising what a massive mistake I had made. Like this guy is fucking insufferable and he generally seems to love disrespecting the fact I’m a lesbian and then gets shocked when I’m mad about it.
Anyway, yeah, you’ll never catch me doing that again.
Anyway, I’ve been a lot harsher with him lately because I’m getting sick of his shit and he makes me uncomfortable and yet he still doesn’t get the fucking memo.
Sent me a “Hey” message at line 12 last night which I left on read, asked me what was wrong with me the following morning and when I said “nothing, I’m fine” he then was like, “you seem stressed lately”
Like yeah, I’m stressed out because you fucking creep me out, smell like you haven’t washed yourself since the day the dinosaurs keeled over and died (genuinely I don’t usually judge ppl who struggle with hygiene because of mental/physical health and all that, like I get it, clinical depression haver over here, but there’s a difference between that and actually just not fucking doing it because you think you don’t need to) and you keep talking smack shit about women!!! Like this is the same guy who asked me out to go see a movie at the cinema, and when I ignored that message he deleted it and sent me a picture of a dead fucking animal.
I just want to say, I do have better communication skills than what it seems I do. I usually reply quickly to people and I don’t have a problem telling people how I feel. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. See the THING IS. This guy has a history with doing horrible shit to people or just generally doing malicious shit the moment someone expresses they don’t want anything to do with them anymore. So how the hell I’m meant to deal with this I have no idea because my hands are tied.
#I actually hate everything right now#I HATE IT SO BAD#lesbian#wlw#lgbtq#nblw#lgbt#lesbians#I fucking hate men
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the sun is starting to set closer to 7 pm instead of 8 pm now... it's starting to get chilly in the evenings... temperatures in general are starting to drop like yesterday it was 80f.. freezing :(... starts screaming and kicking and crying and throwing up
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Rád bízom a következő lépést, ha így marad nem lesz több kérdés.
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and even worse when someone is not oversexualizing me
i feel so unattractive, so unloved, so invalid, so ugly and useless
i feel like sex is the only thing i have to offer, the only thing that i'm good at and the only thing that makes me feel valid.
i need sexual attention. please let me feel loved.
it doesn't feel right when im not being treated like a sex toy.
i've always been just a vertical piece of flesh you can sit on, a useless whore, an object that causes arousal. what am i supposed to think when i'm suddenly not? people seeing me as a human person feels so wrong.
#vent post#trauma#trauma core#emotional abuse#my pics#s3xual 4buse#suicudal#sex drugs etc#alternative#vent blog#vent#tw sex assault#tw s3lf harm#men are victims too#i hate it so bad#mental illness#living with ptsd#ptsd#attenti0nwhor3
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I AM FUCKING MAD!!
So I saw the new spider man movie and the bitch said “to be continue”….
“TO BE CONTINUE” MY ASS!!
Me rn:
I just HATE we a movie is SO good and it says “TO BE CONTINUE”
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Tumblr is ruined for PC users + risk of losing posts forever
Or maybe this is just in my browser?
But recently, I’ve noticed when you try to open a blog’s page normally, Tumblr automatically changes it to dashboard version. Blog version is written like [username].tumblr.com, but it changes it to tumblr.com/[username]. That’s the dashboard version.
The worst thing it does is ruining the tags search. I’ve noticed if you try to search the tag from dashboard version (by pressing magnifying glass icon and typing it in), it doesn’t show all posts under this tag, far be it! In fact, it only seems to pick up if one of the first five tags in the post is the one you’re looking for. Searching posts in a blog from the mobile version seems to have the same annoying feature... Posts that have many characters are screwed I guess, this garbage approach motivates people to only put more popular/relevant character tags at the start. Again, not even placing the tag among first 5 guarantees you will find your own post!
Also they haven’t deleted archive feature (yet), so if you had some long posts (like mini-fanfics, long headcanons posts, tutorials etc) in your blog, or just any sort of post you want to save and share later - type in [username].tumblr.com/archive and it will open the page. I’d recommend using it before too late and saving links to all the posts you might need later somewhere else, you never know when they’ll be lost forever (unless you want to scroll your blog for 5 hours to find it lol).
I absolutely hate how every other site now gets ruined to center around mobile devices, and worse - focuses on only “relevant” and “recent” posts instead of allowing for achieving and accessing everything without roadblocks, but it is what it is.
#tumblr#saving my long headcanons asks now before they are lost#i hate it so bad#now tumblr is just as bad as twitter#wish sites stopped pushing people to always 'move' and 'be relevant'. god. whose garbage idea it was.#at least give the PROPER search system!
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Just went onto conservative tumblr to see if it truly existed and boy oh boy do I regret it
#Terfs! Terfs everywhere#i saw multiple tags saying ‘lgb drop the t’#i hate it so bad#I can’t believe some people actually think like that ON THE LGBTQIA+ APP
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i hate. hyperfixating
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