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fumifooms · 3 months

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Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human

Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?

Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.

Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.

So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world.

Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.

“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon

It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many, I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.

To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.

Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027

“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.

For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions.

There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!

I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.

There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.

More about autism & empathy:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.)

^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/ For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.

I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.

Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.

Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.

And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.

Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.

And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.

So when I post this

I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly.

Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.

If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis! Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #character analysis #i guess #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #spoilers #autistic laios touden #asd #autism representation #meta #draft so old it uses the old Tumblr post editor #it would be much better if i could put them side to side rip #i also wanna do an analysis trying to pin down his level of social awareness #i love that the monster story epic saga about misfits and your place in the world on an ecosystem level is just sooo autistic so perfect #this post has a weird structure but hopefully it can showcase some things and make ppl understand and others relate! I know we're out there #hiii therians how we feeling today. Brain chemistry is weird but ours is just wired different not broken #feeling self-conscious bc even with studies this is the equivalent of going 'trust me bro I get it' which usually doesn't go well with us #Humanity is beautiful <3333 Humans are social animals broski love yourself!!!

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w0rmeater-tbr · 6 months

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I feel like gg ninjas has figured out how to make their team. Early stream people get on to grind the fuck out of the global and personal tasks as much as they can and log off with an hour to spare each just in case something happens. Etoiles and Roier get on, grind for materials or extra tasks or hunt depending on percentage counts. If they need help, the others hop on without question. They're working together, they're supporting Etoiles. We Stay winning.

To be fair, I knew it was only a matter of time. I mean look at he team? We have Forever, who wants the eggs back so bad we've seen him throw himself into dangerous situations for just the chance to save them. Not to mention he's the president, he's a leader and a planner. He doesn't like to lose.

This works well, because while Etoiles is the leader, he isn't someone that everyone listens to all the time. He has a commanding presence in battle, but not so much when it comes to plans. The rest of the team has no reason to support him, but when Forever, their president, agrees and adds on the the plan, the others are inclined to follow because Forever is the type of person you just want to listen to and trust.

And, speaking of Etoiles, he's a legend. He's a tryhard when it comes to battles, he's revered as the best pvper on the server and the biggest threat. People stay away from gg ninjas when Etoiles is online, because if he sees his team in danger he's going to show up and no one thinks they can beat him in an actual fair fight.

and there's Fit, who loved his son so much, who got complacent on Quesadilla Island, but he has so much experience with things like this from 2b2t. He knows what he has to do to survive, and he's always more than happy to pass that knowledge to his team. He's there to support them, and he wants to win.

There's Roier, who's been kind and peaceful for as long as he can remember, but things are stressful back home and it's finally starting to get to him. He's never been one to resort to violence, but now that he has a chance and nothing to lose, he's a dog off it's leash. Especially now that he has the equally, if not more, powerful Etoiles to back him up and egg him on.

And there's Bagi, who's been grinding and working her ass off for the upcoming event. She isn't big on pvp, but they're still finding the best ways to utilize her skills and still allow her to have fun.

I love gg ninjas, because they stumbled in the beginning but they have the chance to turn a tight, near military operation. They're all insane.

#qsmp #qsmp etoiles #qsmp purgatory #I went a little crazy #forgive me #qsmp fitmc #qsmp bagi #qsmp roier #qsmp forever #gg ninjas #green team #I love my team

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insteading · 3 months

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As someone who’s done bereavement care for almost 20 years, I’ve observed again and again and again that it is not staying with grief that cuts us off from other people, it’s suffocating grief and suppressing grief. It’s impossible to repress grief without also repressing all sorts of other things like joy and memory. Actually, expressing grief naturally connects us empathetically to other people. It is not an accident that right now when there is such a profound suppression of global grief, we’re also finding ourselves in a moment of such isolation.

Rabbi Elliot Kukla, in them magazine

I sought out this piece because Rabbi Kukla was quoted in today's sermon in reference to the ongoing genocide in Gaza ("It is lifesaving to mourn our humanity in inhumane times").

But this paragraph about grief hit me so hard I wanted to single it out to share. It is relevant to corporate grief of the sort we might experience when a state is doing harm in our name (police brutality, displacement, execution). It is also relevant to individual griefs.

In the bereavement calls I do for hospice, I have noticed, this is precisely what gets people stuck in grief: the feeling that there is no safe space and time to express grief. Companies tend to give very little accommodation for bereavement, if they give any at all. Culturally we're expected to get over losses in a matter of days. But grief rewires us, and some losses-- particularly losses like war, displacement, and police brutality where a state or institution does the same kind of harm repeatedly-- are complex and ongoing.

Grief impacts sleeping, eating, executive function. (I don't ask people in bereavement calls, "How are you doing?" I ask, "How are you sleeping?" "How's your appetite?" Maybe "Are there moments from your caregiving, or from your [loved one's] dying, that keep coming up for you?" Because of course you're not fine! You just lost someone essential to you. What I want to know is, is your body getting a chance to repair itself as your mind and heart process what you've experienced?)

People have talked to me after a loss about feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by daily life. It's not unlike recovering from a major injury and having a sizable portion of your bandwidth given over at all times to the tasks of bone, muscle, and nerve repair that are not under your conscious control. When tasks you're used to thinking of as having one part suddenly make it clear how complex they are? Cooking a meal takes more out of you. Doing a load of laundry takes more out of you. If you're already an introvert, the cost of social engagement goes up, at a time when social engagement might actually be very helpful.

Doing some of our grief work with other trusted people shares the load. It recovers some bandwidth. But many folks learn early in the grieving process that they have fewer trusted people than they thought. Or that it feels like the wrong time to deepen an acquaintanceship they'd hoped might become a friendship. Or that they aren't as comfortable asking loved ones for help as they thought they would be.

And the bereavement model I'm trained in assumes that a grieving person has experienced one recent loss. We know that a recent loss might poke us in the tender spots left by earlier losses. But that's still different from the experience of a tragedy that affects a whole community at once (as in an entire region's population losing multiple loved ones in a very short time and being forced to flee).

I don't really have a conclusion here, but I'm finding the activism that feels most healing and hope-filled to me has lament built into it: a chance to name the people who've died in our county's jail, while advocating for better communication with families of people inside. A chance to call out the names of people lost to covid while advocating for policies that will mitigate risk to vulnerable people.

Maybe it takes days to name all the people impacted by ongoing genocides in Congo, Palestine, Yemen, while urging our government to end its role in those genocides. Maybe our systems and structures, which aren't even good at honoring our grief for members of the nuclear family we're taught is our primary world, are disinclined to give us that time. Maybe we ought to take it anyway.

#this is not about my favorite silly little pirate show #except insofar as ofmd touches on grief / and actions to preserve the show acknowledge the grief we feel losing something meaningful #grief is the shape our love takes when we lose someone or something we love #and we should be able to name that person or thing #i'm never going to stop being mad at managers / well-meaning acquaintances who tell my clients 'it's been a while; you should move on'#seriously fuck all the way off with that; whoever hurt you / don't pass that hurt on #a person who is grieving is a person who has the capacity for love and care / and that capacity ought to be nurtured #because it's the basis of mutual aid / support / positive action / and a whole host of other things we need more of #anyway: strive to be a person who is safe to grieve around #and strive to be a person who is not too cool to care about anyone or anything #and if you wind up in any kind of position of influence or authority someday? make your environment more supportive to people in grief #grief care #community trauma

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catgirlbussy · 10 months

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im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

#acceptance #love #kindness #affection #expression #long post #tldr #hope #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans girl #transition #hrt #hormones #mtf #pride #self love

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psychopasss4 · 3 months

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PPP Novel is out❣️

...just in time for the Lunar New Year Eve, Feb. 9th. 🎉

Noitamina Shop will hold Arata Shindo-kun's bday campaign and at the same time promotes the PPP novel sale 🥂🥳.

Have you already prepared dried persimmons? 🤗 You know, in ancient times people used to wind-hang outside Hoshigaki, thus the Japanese lantern shape we know about today were taken from. 📸 Google Images.

Quick Review:

During the premier of PPP movie before the Global launch, fans kept asking Dir. Shiotani about

The meaning of empty liquor bottle in Kogami's desk.

Why Kogami removed his jacket during his balcony scene

And his answer were simple. Kogami didn't know the difference of wearing it inside or outside. At first, I thought it was some kind of a funny little joke, or I didn't understand the words full well (I'm not a full-bred Japanese though I studied Nihonggo way back in grade school).

But if you read the PPP novel, you will realize Kogami isn't fully adjusted from his traumatic experiences as a mercenary overseas 🤧. So he doesn't feel how to act just as he used to when he's back.

And ofcourse, we all know he and Saiga only emptied the liquor after long hours of chatting and Tonami profiling.

2. It's interesting that the writing team have taken the pulse of the fans during the Q&A session, thus some points in PPP novel is what we might've expect after all 🤭.

3. Some may say it's nothing new. As it seems the writing team pretty much remain loyal to the movie summary. But if you read between the lines, you realize how it is a bit forgiving & fan-serving, compare to the movie itself 👍🏻.

4. The locations...last minute alterations... 😆😂.

5. And ofcourse the last time Akane spent with Saiga on his detention cell 😭. She literally blame herself for asking him to come to them on Dejima in MoFA's HQ to retrieve the Stronskaya Papers a day after. Which we all know ended tragically.

6. She pulls the trigger. She question the justice. Which quotes the same kind of line from PP3 novel when she's writing her thoughts down in an analogue typewriter. From that scene she thought of Kogami's action and how Sybil judged him for that.

But in PPP novel, no doubt she puts into consideration the life of Atsushi Shindo and how he was used as a pawn, only to be a master pawn who puppets the life of another pawn like what happened to Akira Ignatov.

Aswell as Akira Ignatov's sacrifice. He volunteered to be a puppet for the sake of the future generation. For the sake of his brother in particular 😢😓😓😢.

7. Frede-chan's holding back and being indecisive to keep the truth about the mission to Kogami. Is like keeping her phone number to her crush 😹🤭. Sure, she's just conscious how would Kou-chan would react since she knows Saiga and him are pretty close 😮‍💨.

8. The writing team did a pretty good job by staying true to their plot work. They know what they're doing. As if taken up some piece of advice from Gege Akutami 😅😂.

9. The last scene is pretty much heart-aching but well executed 😘🤌🏻❤️

10. The General was a medical AI but I wonder if the creator of Sybil also created that?... how about BiFrost? Oh hello, Season 4! We're waving at you ☺️😀!

11. Many hate Akane for trying to control Kogami, again?! Let me get this straight, SHE ISN'T CONTROLLING ANYONE!

There's a MASSIVE difference when he a.) first pulled the trigger against Makishima (out of revenge) and when he b.) pulls that against Tonami.

Akane knows it best.

a) She doesn't want him to be a person swallowed by revenge like Sasuke (Naruto).

b) She hopes Kogami is back for the better but instead he acted again with his animal instinct which indicates he can still be easily outplayed by emotions instead of not letting it get the human out of him.

Akane still looks up to Kogami. She knows he was labeled as a latent criminal by Sybil. But the way Kou acted is like proving to Sybil that their labeling of him as latent criminal was right. And if there's one thing Akane isn't fond of, that is proving Sybil right.

So it's not about Kogami. It's about her campaign against Sybil's false and unfair judgement! So don't mock her! 😖

Lastly, PPP novel is enjoyable because a lot of fans are exerting efforts to translate it to English for fans abroad. Kudos to you all❣️

Not everyone have the time, capacity and dedication you've spent. Including me, I'm not good in translation. So thank you. You are the heart of PSYCHO-PASS franchise global expansion ❤️🥰.

End of Review.

Okay, so that wasn't a quick one 😋 sorry about that. I just hope you guys have a wonderful day. Have fun and enjoy everything that you do!

🥰🤗

Meanwhile, the original crew of PP1 are in their podcast discussing how the series have been progressing so far 😋😂

Nah! It's just a trace sketch of CD Discussion Vol. 1

🤣🤣🤣

#psycho pass providence #pp 10th #pp anime #pp official #psycho pass committee #Psycho pass novel #Noitamina Shop #shinya kogami #tsunemori akane #arata shindo #akira ignatov #shindo atsushi #shogo makishima #ginoza nobuchika #hanashiro frederica #shinkane #koaka

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accidentalslayer · 9 months

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Hello there, weary traveler. 🎃

My name is Alice Hart (she/they, millennial) and you've come across my little pumpkin patch of a blog where I mostly autumn!post, reblog things I like, and share my 3 am thoughts. It's also become my bpd (& associated) vent cemetery. Look hard enough and you'll probably find where I buried the bodies. If you like my collection of aesthetics and weird shit, don't be afraid to follow me. Or send me an ask!

❌ DNI: Transphobes, racists, MAP & MAP sympathizers, sexists, ableists, radfems, homophobes, conservatives, slutshamers, Trump-supporters, fat-shamers, blank blogs, super boring porn blogs with thin conventionally pretty women that look like they could be porn stock photos, !!!ana/binge/ED/weight shaming blogs!!! Or anyone who spews hate against spirituality, witchcraft, and astrology. This includes anti-shifters!

Some random facts about me:

🕯️Am neurodivergent ADHD insomniac with intense hyperfixations that switch around every other week and BPD traits that make life insufferable at best. I'm more of a creature in the shape of a person. I'm just tired. I want to be a pumpkin and dance under moon instead of whatever this crap is.

🍁 I collect tea cups, tea pots, and tea accessories. I also have a massive collection of tea from all around the world.

🕸️ I practice witchcraft and have done oracle readings & birthchart interpretations for people since I was sixteen. I really feel intune with the stars and the moon.

🍬 I'm a system.

😈 Interests include: mythology, philosophy, psychology, travel, reading, video games, art, cooking & baking, sewing, sharing headcanons & lore with friends, and having conversations with the stars.

System Information:

[Wheels Within Wheels/The Burning Eyes System]

Body Age: 35

Collective Pronouns: It/Its

System Type/Origin: Traumagenic, formed because of a near-death experience at the age of 16.

Host & Personal Lore: Tired artist & neurospicy girl with way too many projects who gets super excited about many things. Invested in tarot cards, astrology, lucid dreaming, and spiritual exploration. Loves celebrating holidays (personal, global, and completely made-up!). Hates intense heat, eggs, poor communication styles, & season 5, 6, and 7 of Once Upon a Time. Avid traveler. Will one day be famous.

[Members of System & Information]

✨ Aestriel Iao Sabaoth ✨

Oldest & 1st member of the system. Holds the role of Protector, Gatekeeper, and Helper. Was formed as a direct response to childhood trauma. Presents as a being made of burning eyes, infinite wheels, and prismatic rainbow flame. Mostly dry, direct, emotionless. Gives amazing advice despite how much that advice hurts. Doesn't understand the messy condition of humanity. Sees the big picture. Claims to be a cosmological figure and not mortal in origin. Is very personally annoying to me, the host, who just wants to be a people. Will come out if host/my safety is threatened in some way. Or to give advice to others…although who the advice is given to and when is completely unpredictable.

🔪 The Author's Pen 🔪

Arguably as old as Aestriel; although stood in the background for quite some time until more recently. 2nd member of the system. Holds the role of Persecutor and Memory-Holder. Was formed as a direct response to hardship sustained while being homeless and emotional abuse. Presents as a being made of black ink, gnashing teeth, blood, and the sharp edge of a quill or sword. Antagonistic, manipulative, acutely socially aware, and willing to put itself before anything else. Interesting conversationalist but proceed with caution. Would rather delve into hedonism than uphold the moral stand that Aestriel or Host does. Just wants to see a reaction. Comes out more frequently than Aestriel and even upon request, although insists that upon some kind of compensation in return. Also gives advice, mostly bad. Less unpredictable, though. Claims to love humanity, is some kind of abomination formed when the first word of the first language was uttered.

Other important details: Would highly recommend that you do not talk to Pen. If it ever decides to pop out, that is. I try to keep it away from anyone else but myself.

About this blog:

🍯 Originally, this was a fandom blog for my newest obsession: The Vampire Diaries & The Originals. Somehow, it became a Halloween & Autumn!posting blog for times when I'm procrastinating on writing or bored. I use the tag #its always october in my brain.

⛈️ I'm currently working on a project called Dawn Misplaced. It's an Originals fanfiction featuring a Darling!Reader who's a vampire slayer. I post my chapters on here underneath the tag #dawn misplaced or #accidental writes. My A03 is here. If you have an interesting TVD or Originals imagine, I might consider writing it. Shoot me your idea into my asks! Yandere content, consider before engaging.

⚠️ UPDATE: This project and yandere content has been put on indefinite pause until I can find the inspiration to write about it/find a streaming service that has The Originals. 💀 Netflix axed it so I can't watch it anymore. I am very sad. ⚠️ UPDATE [11/23/2023]: This blog has begun to stray away from yandere fanfiction and onto being just my main blog where I shitpost at 3 am, share autumncore aesthetics, and hope to begin sharing my personal art. Also I expect there to be venting mixed in too. I should probably make a tag for that, shouldn't I?? I've also made a new blog for shifting, astral projection, and dream interpretation. ⚠️ UPDATE [12/31/2023]: I've decided that I'm going to put my shifting/astral projection blog on here. I've already started working on my Masterpost but have yet to think of an appropriate tag for it. It'll probably come next year. I'm so excited for 2024!!

🪦 Sometimes, I share my personal thoughts here. I'm sure I'm going to get more obnoxious about that the longer I have this blog running.

💀 If you like or reblog any of my posts, there's a chance that I'll look at your profile and follow you randomly. Feel free to block & softblock me if I'm not your vibe, I won't mind. Also, if you're a porn blog or one of those blogs without a title/literally nothing posted on it, I'm going to block you outright. Unless you have really artful porn on your blog.

My taglist:

#🔪 slayer says 🔪

My normal unhinged chatter about anything and everything that goes through my brain. Some might be a little vent-y and include tw warnings.

# 🎃 accidental asks 🎃

My responses to any questions & asks thrown at me.

#🩸 accidental art 🩸

My personal art dump where all my doodles go.

#its always october in my brain

Where all my Autumnposting and Halloween stuff goes.

#so relatable it's causing me 5+ psychic damage for every moment I stare at it

Things that are painfully relevant to me.

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cybervesna · 2 months

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Hello, I'm not sure if I missed it somewhere but what's the backstory between Wiosna and Kurt?

Hi! Actually! I haven't talked about them in complied way... Thank you for asking this, I will explain and ramble about them here 😅 At the start, I will say that my photo series Wires is telling the story of the two of them in chronological order (with the exception of Valentine's special cuz that will be set after a few that have to come at some point, I'm sorry Part 7 is so demanding...). However, Dogtown Nights are shorter bits of their life, in unspecified time points (unless stated otherwise cuz some will be follow-up/prequel to Wires) More under the cut

In early 2076 Wiosna became a netrunner for hire after her abusive fiance Arthur Jenkins died. She started small, but thanks to her experience (as she learned netrunning in Poland, where NetWatch is far more strict and only the best can survive (Thanks Eurosource Plus) and a death wish, she quickly made her way to The Afterlife. There, she was known under the nickname SPR1NG. People knew about her only what she allowed them to know, which wasn't much. But Rogue didn't complain, since Spring did all her suicidal gigs with utmost excellence. Happy client = happy fixer. With Wiosna's status increased she started being looked at by many organizations. Corps wanted to hire her to steal data from one another, cause global security breaches, and such things. She was picky with her jobs. Wiosna wasn't after money, nor she was after fame. It was the thrill. She wanted to feel something worth living for. She wanted to be scared to die. Which never really happened. So, when Rogue told her there was a special client from Dogtown who would like to hire her, but there were no deets about anything, she was intrigued. She agreed to the meeting, and from that point forward, her career was under the watchful eye of Mr. Hands. The meeting itself revealed that the client was no one else than Kurt Hansen himself, who needed a capable netrunner to build the lab for Cassels visit. Kurt was a figure everyone in Night City heard about. And Wiosna wanted to find out what was true. How the whole thing went can be seen on Wires: Part 1. But but but but!!! Dogtown Nights 4 is an indirect follow-up that happens between Part 1-5 of the Wires.

Wiosna had a life before this one. Life she ran away from, but that life made her who she is. And she was a highly educated psychologist. She liked to analyze people, trigger certain emotions in them, and make them what she wanted... And Kurt Hansen had something in him, that made her develop an unhealthy obsession. Especially, that he, just like her liked playing mind games.

And Kurt liked her, because she was pretty, smart and it was intriguing as hell she was not jumping to his bed the second she got a chance. In fact, she was cockblocking him.

Kurt and Wiosna were dancing around each other for weeks, and poor Kurt had no idea he was the one losing. Wiosna wrapped him around her finger, by letting him think he was winning, but in reality, she manipulated her way to his heart. Heart, he thought he didn't have. The stepping stone for them was the moment Kurt found out about Wiosna's past.

For Wiosna is was a test. She knew it wouldn't be easy since he didn't get any info on her the first time. All of this was to check if he was willing to bother, and what kind of reaction he would have to the truth. I made some of her files there (I should do more)

Wiosna always saw herself as flawed and unworthy of anything, due to her child trauma. She spent more time in psychiatric facilities, where they tried to "fix her" than she spent with people at school. Any free time she had, she spent in cyberspace or in ballet class - however alone.

Her files consist of dozens of evaluations, diagnoses, incident descriptions, and everything really negative that everyone in high-corpo society sees as "psycho" but in a - we can't make it useful for us psycho way.

Kurt in those files saw potential.

Of course, for him it wasn't really about love, but what he could gain from her. And sadly, Wiosna was naive enough to believe otherwise.

I don't want to say much, because it's in my upcoming stories, but I will say this: Aside from her terrible past, Wiosna also has a powerful name she doesn't use - Kochanowska. Her grandfather is Antoni Kochanowski, owner of LoveSky Space Mining Company. As of 2076 her family owns half of Earth's resources, and 90% of resources on Mars and Luna, they supply manufacturers like Arasaka with resources to make weapons, mechs etc. I want to be clear, that this is only my headcanon! We got that? Good, then to give you the level of importance LoveSky has on the market - Kurt's precious Chimaera was made from resources delivered by LoveSky to Militech. They're the fundamentals of any corporate force. Wiosna is the last of her line. Her parents died tragically (99.99% set up by their enemies) on launch to space where they were meant to start their new project, which makes her - their only child an heir to everything they owned. Which is half of LoveSky and a seat on the Arasaka Board. But Wiosna herself disappeared, despite her grandparents looking for her, and Asukaga & Finch lawyers ready to execute the will of her parents.

For Kurt she is a trophy. One that came straight to his arms at that. But well... remember what I said about Wiosna outsmarting him. They both were into each other, for their selfish reasons. What they found surprised them both.

I hope I satisfied your curiosity!

#cyberpunk 2077 #kurt hansen #wiosna blazkowicz #SHIP: Wires #phantom liberty #cyberpunk 2077 phantom liberty #cyberpunk 2077 oc #cyberpunk 2077 photomode #dogtown #netrunner oc #vesna blazkowicz #phantom liberty oc #colonel hansen

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yourqueenb · 1 month

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So I finally took the player survey. It took me a while to complete because I ended up writing a lot more than I intended to 💀 But I wanna comment on a few things that stood out to me here…

I found this question in particular interesting because global traits were not something I had ever considered, but they could potentially mitigate the issues they have with the constant rigid, innocent, and socially/intellectually inept MCs. At least we could pick how we want to play our MCs, right? However, I find the 3 example traits they were able to come up with concerning, especially given that the majority of their players are women and the fact that we’ve been asking them to give us MCs outside of those boxes. Anyway, I’m curious to know what everybody else put for this. I think I selected 2 or 3, can’t remember which.

I also wanna know what everybody put for the questions under number 9 because to me a lot of them seemed to be related to changing the app’s interface or adding monetizable features. And things like that aren’t really important at all imo. (Or at least not as important as the story development and gameplay changes they need to make). I actually like the interface the way it is and would rather they not clutter it with all of the extras they mentioned.

I was also gonna put what I wrote in the additional feedback box here in case anyone was interested, but some of it got deleted from the original draft of this post. So I’ll just put a few of the major points I touched on below:

“Additionally, we should have the option to opt in or opt out of the appearance of hookups, ending stories in romantic relationships, and romancing certain characters, especially if a book is not classified as erotica or does not have a content warning. Unwanted sexual propositions and descriptions of sexually charged situations can be uncomfortable or even triggering to read, even if the characters aren’t real! For example, the “I’m in a dark mood” scene with Ethan in Open Heart book 3 and the hookup options in Laws of Attraction book 1. Players who have little to no romance points with one character and the majority or all of their romance points with another should not be getting propositioned by or receiving romantic dialogue and narration from/about the former so late in a series. And either less sexually charged lead ins before scenes or the choice to opt in to hookups outside of the main romance(s) from the beginning should be incorporated into the stories. Additionally, if choice is going to be taken away by only offering one LI option, we should at least have the choice to be single by the end of the book. Not all romances have to end in relationships!”

“Outside of romances with love interests, there needs to be a lot more care and development given to MCs. Players spend the most time with and are in the heads of the main characters; yet, it often feels like they’re the least important parts of the stories and experience the least growth. We also rarely see MCs with character trait combinations outside of innocent, incompetent, and new to their field/interest or (occasionally) mildly competent, brash, and uncouth. There should be more diversity in set traits, the choices we can make to shape our characters, and dialogue options/how our characters can react in certain situations. In game personality tests (like in TE and PM) or some kind of point system might help with this issue as well.”

“Lastly, if you don’t listen to any other feedback, please (for the love of all that is holy) retire the new MC body sprites that appear in Unbridled, Hot Shot, Guarded, etc. With flat torsos and legs and disproportionate arms/oversized heads in comparison to the lower bodies, they are very unflattering and unsettling to look at. And what makes them worse are the ghastly pale, sickly looking skin tones. Skin coloring is something you guys never mastered as the Black MCs (with the exception of 1 or 2) have always appeared ashy and as if they were given white/gray undertones - not to mention the minimal hairstyle options and straight roots on textured styles - which is quite irritating and offensive. However, now all of the MCs have skin tone issues in certain books. So players are only left with options that are painful to look at and difficult to enjoy customizing and playing as. MCs with richer skin tones, more flattering hairstyles options, curvier body types, fuller lips/noses, and more unique facial features in general would make gameplay a much more enjoyable and immersive experience.”

#choices #choices stories you play #playchoices #choices app #I also talked about how they should add more character - plot - and relationship development to romance books specifically #and how they should focus less on collectibles/paywalling plot in other genres esp mystery #I feel like there was probably more I wanted to say but I forgot it and honestly wrote enough as it is 💀💀💀#why do I always do this #they never listen anyway 😭#pixelberry studios #pixelberry #long post

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somuchwhatever · 4 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Got tagged by @somewhereapart, and I figured y'all may be sick of seeing me just post fic so here ya go.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

305,612

3. What fandoms do you write for?

AO3 tells me I've written for Battlestar Galactica, Buffy, General Hospital, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: OC, Lie To Me, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, and The West Wing. And I honestly can't think of any others outside of just ficlets I've tossed into the wild over the years.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Flinktober 2022 (EO, SVU/OC)

i remember skies (EO, SVU/OC)

gala (EO, SVU/OC)

bizarre love triangle (EO, SVU/OC)

Chautauqua (EO, SVU/OC)

I did not include one that was cowritten with a bunch of other people because I will always assume the kudos are for them.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

As often as possible. If someone takes the time to comment, I want them to know that i care enough to acknowledge and thank them for that kindness and effort. Especially when I write mostly for a fandom where I've seen people specifically state that they will read works but NOT comment on them as some sort of punishment for whatever random/imaginary fandom sins the writer whose free content they are enjoying has committed. That's just dumb and unkind, so I make the effort to let people know their comments are appreciated, even if it takes weeks to circle back.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. There are several chapters in the first flink posting that would qualify, but I'm going to go with my largest Sam/Jack (SG-1) fic, Gravity Sings. It's hard to pretend it's not angsty when you've literally killed off half the planet.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm. Not really sure. I'm a sucker for fluffy endings, so I tend to write them quite a bit. Maybe waltz or Chautauqua?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but I shut it down quickly. If you come up in someone's space where someone is providing you free entertainment and be rude? Don't expect a pass from me about it. The scroll bar isn't difficult to use, and neither is the back button. I use it frequently on poorly-written works or things that may be well-written but just aren't my thing. What I don't do is sling entitlement issues around demanding things be written to my satisfaction (unless you employ my beta services, in which case, you asked for it!). :D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I never really did prior to the first flink experiment, and I created that experiment purely to practice writing smut. Well, I take that back. @rgrdsalxndra would be the first to remind me I'd often cockblock Elliot and Olivia by having them dream-smutting without real-life release. But I started that project with the express purpose of getting better and more comfortable with writing smut, so I'm making that the hinge point.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Because SVU and OC are different shows, I write them regularly. But if you mean out-of-universe crossovers, I've only really written one, R.E.M. (SGA, BSG, Buffy). It was based on a prompt from an LJ friend, "Elizabeth Weir, Kara Thrace, and Buffy Summers walk into a bar..."

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware. There are much better people out there to steal from. Also, I always assume if something is similar to what I've written, it's because fandom truly does become a hivemind at some point. Nothing new under the sun and all.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware. If I had to guess, I'd say Gravity Sings would be the most likely candidate since SG-1 fandom is probably the most global and that fic has been around much longer than any other likely candidates.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Wrote Wet Dream with much better smut writers than myself in a group chat, and a bunch of us in SG-1 fandom way back in the day once built an SG-1 AU loosely based on The Big Bang Theory called The House That Jack Built, and I have several entries in that little universe.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

How does anyone pick this??? I love them all for different reasons. I will say EO has a grip on me nobody else ever has, but then they have that 25 year slow burn that is just absolutely and sickly delicious.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Glazed and Fired (SGA) was originally the first part of a 5 Things fic that got away from me, and I had always intended to go back and finish it but eventually just put it away for good. I fully intend to finish my others (Skies, I'm looking at you).

16. What are your writing strengths?

Grammar. Economy of language (this is also sometimes a weakness). Getting into the head of characters who are typically very closed off.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel my writing is way too mechanical. I'm also still not comfortable writing smut. I always walk around with a sense of imposter syndrome with my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm literally one class shy of a degree in French, and I had to write many upper level term papers in that language, but let me assure you I have zero plans to ever write in another language. I sincerely applaud those of you who do.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stargate SG-1

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Geez. It probably changes regularly, and I'm hesitant to say because my faves are never anyone else's. all i ever wanted (a rather dark Elliot-centric fic) holds a very dear spot in my heart just because of how my muse just grabbed a keyboard and churned it out. This is not a popular opinion, and hardly anyone read it, but I still love it a lot. And just because it was the first fic I wrote that was widely recc'd, I have a soft spot for Things Not Dreamed (SG-1), a Sam & Jack & Daniel fic written from Daniel's POV.

tagging in a no-pressure way (and sorry for any double tags):

@morethanwords229, @whatbecomesofyou, @samwrites99, @rgrdsalxndra, @shut-upjohn, and anyone else who wants to do it!

#fanfic #ao3 #memes #writing #writer stuff #sg 1 #buffy the vampire slayer #lie to me #l&o svu #law and order oc #law and order svu #battlestar galactica #stargate atlantis #stargate sg1 #west wing

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sugar-grigri · 9 months

Note

I loved reading some of your theories, they're enlightening. If I may ask, how many times do you reread a manga or a scene in order to catch up these details and connections between seemingly unrelated events? That kind of global vision must require multiple readings. Do you also follow some kind of process or have you interpreted media for a long time?

HEYYY!! Thank you very much, it makes me happy to see that people like my theories!

I couldn't tell you exactly how many times I read a work before analysing it. If we take Chainsaw Man, by dint of analysing it almost every week I'm beginning to know the forty or so chapters of Part 2 by heart.

If I can give you a few pointers on my method...

First of all, I'd say that the more media you consume, in any medium (manga, books, films, series, even music!), the more you train your brain to interpret.

Because knowing how to interpret is correlated to your reading experience. It familiarises you with narrative biases, script construction, different ways of presenting the same theme, but also different authorial habits.

Fujimoto follows the rule of saying as little as possible, while other authors make extensive use of the narrator, such as Jun Mochizuki, who likes to place the story through the prism of his main character (Oz / Noé).

The more you like an author, the more familiar you become with their writing style. Which makes you more responsive.

As for my personal experience, I use a lot of different media. For example, I love classics, which are books that are complicated and not always very explicit. Especially when the authors take an outsider's point of view and play with chronologies, or even use a very wide range of characters.

But if you're waiting for a precise method, it must be your own. Once again, interpretation is personal. Nobody reads the same way.

When a chapter of CSM comes out, for example, I read it first... to find out. Generally I shout, I cry, I don't understand anything, but I let it settle. The first reading is essential because it's the only reading you won't intellectualise. It's an accumulation of pure emotions and it's the rudder that helps you understand what an author wants to provoke in you.

Then I reread the chapter, several times, until I see other things, the narrative construction, lines that tickle me, the breakdown. I also always look at the chapter title!

I write down my ideas in an unconstructed way and then compare them with the overall work (part 2 for CSM). Because mangaka write from this point of view, a chapter is just one piece of the jigsaw, so it's essential to stand back and understand its contribution to the rest.

Here's hoping my vague advice helps a little <33

#ask #jun mochizuki #fujimoto tatsuki #chainsaw man #csm part 2 #csm #get obsessed with a work and you'll see everything will come naturally #it takes me about 2 hours / CSM chapter to come up with my ideas and about 1 hour to write them which is quite fast ??

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iseefour · 5 months

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Rambling

I know Evil Earth was kind of polarizing, but I actually quite liked her. She's giving Lotso Bear from Sunnyside Daycare. Like yes she seems kind and idealistic, but there are a few red flags.

1. Moon points out that the daycare is renovated with the same hand craved details Solar made, but Solar isn't mentioned or seen. Yeah, its the same model, but they could have just said "Oh it's fancy like our new one" but the fact they mentioned Solar's details has some weight behind it. Also Earth says Sun and Moon were the ones that destroyed the daycare experimenting with the star, but no mention on how it was fixed.

2. We only hear her perspective. She can claim to be elected as the world's ruler and claim people love her too much for her to step down, however that's her speaking for the people she's ruling over. It's biased in her favor.

3. She fixed world hunger, homelessness, pollution, and global warming. That sounds great, but that's also like saying The Purge fixed homelessness and crime rate in it's universe. Or Negan from the Walking Dead is protecting people from the Walkers. Technically true, but doesn't mean it's always purely good.

4. "The rule here is that if we have problems and can't communicate with each other, always come to me." *Mother knows best playing in the background.*

5. Remove meanness from the world, but acknowledges that it's impossible to remove "mean behavior". So back to point 3, you can claim evil deeds are for the greater good.

6. Earth claimed she disagreed with the Creator about what to do with the world and they haven't heard from him since. When Sun says 'we should find him' Earth goes silent. When Moon and Sun both start to say they should look for the Creator and see what he's doing Earth says "I allowed this and you haven't made any progress on that". Meaning that Sun and Moon have been actually looking for the Creator (that's scary in its own right) and they need Earth's permission. There's also the implication that Earth knows they can't/won't find the Creator and the topic stresses her out given how she starts interrupting them and tripping over her words.

Biggest red flag:

There's never a point where Earth questions Sun and Moon having what seems like extreme memory loss. Yeah, Moon jumps in and apologizes saying they're having trouble remembering things/he wants to clarify with Earth, but she seems to accept that at face value. They don't know the most basic foundation of the world they supposedly live in, and Earth is more than happy to tell them how everything works. She says they have bi-weekly mental check ins, family movie and board game nights, and another bi-weekly meeting for issues. If she is actively working with them in what sounds like a therapeutic setting, sudden complete memory loss should be really alarming. Sudden extreme memory loss at all should be alarming of course, but this even more so.

Just some thoughts, I'll probably write an evil Earth au at some point because it is a really interesting concept to me.

#sun and moon show #earth and lunar show

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cyazurai · 8 months

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The world as everyone knew it was over. When people had joked in the early 2020s that the world was on its way out, the apocalypse was beginning, etc, they weren't that far off.

Everything was happening all at once. Natural disasters, civil wars around the world, global unrest, and finally World War III in the 2030s. Every country was willing to do whatever they needed to do in order to end the way and ensure victory for the correct side - whichever side they considered the correct one. Some opted for nuclear bombs, others for biological warfare, and others yet chose the newly created AI super soldiers.

And who could have foreseen it, but everything went terribly wrong! The Nuclear bombs decimated things and irradiated them. The biological weapons spread farther than they were intended, killing those that used them as well as the intended targets. The AI super soldiers, well... they rose up against humanity in general, which anyone could have seen coming.

Things spiraled out of control until only 1% of the population was left standing. Some time before things had gotten to the point of no return, a giant space station had been launched. People from around the world had gone to live on this station, as an experiment - and every one of them was spared. As things spiraled out of control many people had been sent up to the station to save them, but eventually the rockets stopped coming back, and those left on Earth had to pick up the pieces, wondering if their saviors would ever come.

But after having to scrounge and fight and be cutthroat in order to survive in this world, some people have grown to prefer the lawlessness of the post-apocalyptic world. They go by many names, but in Simerica they are called the Lawless. They are plunderers, murderers, criminals, and the kind of people you wouldn't want to meet in the bright sunshine, let alone a dark alley at night.

Not everyone wants to be Lawless. Many want to bring a return to the days they barely remember, from the Before time. The days when the air wasn't toxic, and you could go for a walk with a loved one without worrying about getting gutted like a fish for your meager belongings.

Our story follows one specific girl who gathered together a group of misfits to attempt to rebuild a life for themselves from the ground up - at least until they can find a way to build a rocket themselves.

Nymphe Graves, founder extraordinaire.

Her birth name isn't Nymphe, but she would sooner cut her own tongue out than tell you what it actually is. Born in the winter of 2029, she has next to no memory of the life before the war. Her father was a doomsday prepper, and that's the only reason why she's alive to start over - unfortunately, her mother wasn't so paranoid, and had divorced the man and ran away to marry a millionaire. Lot of good that did her.

She's never known a real community, since she and her father lived in that basement bunker for most of her childhood, and as such it's made her want to create a world where people can have that again, even if it's a bit of a selfish reason why. She wants to be a confidante to her neighbors - someone they can trust.

As such, she tries to befriend anyone she meets that doesn't seem like a member of the Lawless - and hell, even if they are maybe she can win them over in the end.

Because of her upbringing, she's not a fan of the little markets she sees around - buying things just never made sense to her because it's just so easy to find whatever you need, or make it yourself. Don't be lazy, DIY.

She has the utmost confidence in herself and the fact that she can actually do this thing. Self doubt is not a thing she allows into her life, because the moment you allow yourself to doubt that's when they can get you.

Maybe building a rocket is a bit out of her league, she's not exactly book smart, but someone has to know where to start at least. Right?

(Next introduction in the next post. This one got too long. The rest won't be this long I promise! Also the posts will be sporadic, not like my regular legacy posts. I will not have a schedule. I will post them when I have them.)

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 legacy #daclegacy #deadlyapocalypsechallenge #dacgen1 #nymphe graves

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day6source · 1 month

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hello my loves!!!! long time no talk!!!!! 💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻 things have been very crazy and insane lately, between doctors appointments for me, a pending surgery for my step-dad, taking care of my niece, and everything else in between. but!! the long awaited day6 comeback is finally upon us in two hours!!! some of you might know i got into day6 right around the time 'right through me' and eternal dropped, and i was so excited! and then...they all immediately enlisted lmao. as i described to a friend the other day, i felt like i was led into a looney tunes style trap discovering them. having to wait out that time was awful, but we slowly got them all back and now! we're finally here! if you were around for 'letters with notes' i'll be pretty vigilant in getting everything posted (mostly) on time, first few days is always kind of insane, but it should all be up in a decently timely manner! i am making a change in regards to video call stuff, mostly in that if it's not available in a global sense, i probably won't post about it, mostly because they can be kinda finicky in regards to even applying, and i don't want to lead you guys into a false sense of excitement. if they are though, don't worry! i got you! gonna keep the masterpost updated as well, performances, promo, etc. also! guys!

what!!! that is insane!! within the coming weeks i'm gonna see about if there's going to be any more mmt events like before, and maybe do another little giveaway! especially because the one year anniversary of the blog is in about a month or so? ah!! i always say this, but i love getting to share things with you guys and read everyone's tags and see everyone's reactions, it's such a cool experience, and i'm glad everyone here is just so cool.mp3. i love you guys so much, you truly have no idea how much fun i have doing this, it means the world to me. on that note...i think that's it! if you wanna hit me up to talk about whatever, changed my url a while ago to @briankang, and! if you'd like to take part in the day6revival week from last week...well you still can and i'll still reblog things especially since i fell a little behind as well, just tag it with #day6revival, and make sure to check out everyone else's amazing creations as well! we're celebrating all through promotions as a huge welcome home to our silly, goofy, sweet band boys. the ask box is always open here of course too, and you know i always love hearing from you all. i'm going to enjoy my last few hours of peace before comeback, but i hope you've all been staying happy and healthy and you continue to, and if you haven't, i hope this new album brings you some kind of peace for the spring. spring is all about new starts, so if you've been feeling out of sorts, it's a great chance to wipe fresh and start anew. i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, tay 💕💕💕💕🍀🍀🍀🍀

#[admin post]

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fromasgardandback · 1 year

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Band’s First Album

Eddie Munson x Reader

masterlist | oneshots

The guys shifted anxiously from sitting to standing then back to sitting waiting to be seen by some top executives at a record label firm. They were playing at a local college bar when someone anonymously suggested them to a record label. But just their luck, that deal fell through. However, one of the assistants that worked at the previous record label transferred to the record label Corroded Coffin is signing with right now. They played for them and it was an instant connection. Every single last one of them knew that our little babies were going to make it huge. They had a lot of what metal was in the mid-1980s. It was a perfect fit for everyone.

Now, Corroded Coffin was back in Indianapolis, Indiana for the day to record their first album. None of them knew what to expect, so naturally, I packed them all goodie bags for when it gets overwhelming they have some home comfort. It took them roughly three months to create the album and another month to record it. Then they had to choose the design and how it wanted to look and the creativity part of it as well. All in all, it took six months to finalize their first album together. While they were doing that, I was working and unpacking the new home we were all living in. Sure, it wasn’t the best, but it was good for right now.

“Babe! We’re home!” Eddie said coming through the front door. I emerged out of the kitchen ecstatic to see my boys.

“How’d it go? Let me see.” I held their first printed album in my hands. “This is amazing. I cannot express how proud I am of you guys.” I hugged each of them, saving Eddie for last. The guys groaned when we kissed, but only made us hold onto each other more.

Another two weeks passed and even though it was not needed for the rest of their albums, the first album had a launch party. Followed by more press and a slew of fans, their music rose to the charts very quickly. Three months later they were number seven in the top ten in America. It was insane to think that they were traveling around the United States, then going globally to perform. All in a few years' time their wildest dreams come to fruition.

One of the best experiences was that the guys got to meet their idol musicians at an award show. Not just any award show they were invited to; no, it was the first award show they were nominated for. Metallica, Van Halen, and Dio were there. It was a dream come true, especially for Eddie. They could not contain their excitement. I mean Jeff looked like he was going to pass out just from seeing them twenty feet away. Then Gareth actually started swaying as if he wanted to faint. It was kind of funny to see a muscular metal bad fangirling over their favorite bands that made them who they are. They all introduced themselves and talked for a while. It was heartwarming to know that through all the excitement, Eddie never let me leave his side. His hand either held mine, or his arm was around my waist or shoulder. Occasionally I kissed his cheek to allow his nerves to balance back out.

“Baby, I cannot believe we just met our idols. I mean this is the coolest thing in the world. Am I shaking? I feel like I’m shaking. Shit, please tell me I wasn’t stupid, not that it matters, but yeah it kinda does.” Eddie kept going on. I chuckled at his nervous excited state.

“Yes my love, you were acting like an idiot, but a goofy and loveable one. They loved you guys and it’s nice to see that their job and meaning in life is touching young kids’ hearts.” I said kissing his cheek.

Later that evening at the award show, Corroded Coffin won Best New Artist. As much as this was a dream come true for them, it was a dream come true for me to see the love of my life and some of my best friends their happiest. They worked so hard to be here and it all paid off.

“I love you so much. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” Eddie said holding my face.

“You’d still be here. Sad and alone, but you’d still be here.” I giggled looking up at him.

“No, I could not have been here without you. I mean it. You’re my whole world.” He closed the gap between our lips, pressing a chaste kiss to mine. The world stopped for a moment as we engulfed ourselves in love.

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script-a-world · 4 months

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Submitted via Google Form:

I would like to build a world that has intentionally similar street, town/city names, basically think of all the confusing addresses the world already has but magnified significantly. Like when you think Paris? Well the world has a couple of towns named Paris in Canada, Indonesia, plenty in the US, and a few other countries. Reality? They are around the world. The most issue we'd get is probably the US if you mix up states. But then the addresses likely won't match/have the same street names. Also, they are tiny towns compared to the Paris in France. So what would happen to a city named 'Paris' in my world? It may be the capital city of 2 countries. There may be 50 cities (not town) of significant population in 15 other countries. Also, street names will also be highly repetitive. Why? Because there is a lot more globalization, and large empires renaming all the cities. What would happen to everywhere when an empire such as the equivalent of British in my world? You get large countries like India with 20 cities each named London, Birmingham, Aberdeen, Manchester etc. How about the streets then? Newly built roads will repeat the street names from ones in Britain, many more will get renamed. If it's not like this, then you get individual cities that trade between each other like 'sister cities' renaming their cities and streets so that they are similar.

Tex: Toponymy is a fascinating subject, and an exceptionally revealing perspective of how people view the world around them in what orders of importance. I believe two of the sub-topics you’re looking for is tautological place names and toponymic related concepts.

Wootzel: We’re not really sure what you’re asking us, but a couple thoughts for you:

When it comes to cities having the same name, it’s pretty common historically for people coming from the great city of Tuftylump to start a new, small town and call it Tuftylump, and then for that small town to grow in size and repute until it’s also famous. This could happen several times in various places and be perfectly plausible.

However, existing cities aren’t likely to undergo a name change unless forced to by an invading power, and even then it’s not likely to stick if the invaders get kicked out eventually. Place names come with history and identity, and while it might not seem like an arbitrary name change would matter, I think people would be extremely resistant. It would also be a bit of a nightmare to have to either change all historical records related to the place, or make it part of all public education that the city has an older name but it’s no longer in use.

What cultural significance is making this phenomenon happen in your world? Is there some kind of widespread taboo against coming up with new names for things, ever? Is there an idea that sharing a name carries some kind of power? Does this phenomenon of repeated names occur in people too?

Miri: The big question I have is why are they making their lives more difficult like this? Wootzel has some suggestions above that may be factors. There’s entire industries out there dedicated to making things function smoother, and making things more likely to be confused flies in the face of our desire to make things functional and less prone to error when possible. Sending things to the wrong place can have disastrous financial and other consequences, and constantly clarifying which version of a city you mean gets tiresome, from personal experience.

I have a friend who once decided she was going to write a story where all of the characters had very similar names because she intentionally wanted to confuse and irritate her audience. She quickly realized she was irritating herself just as much in writing it, and that people were more likely to just stop reading than put up with it.

#google submitted #geography #naming

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