#i know it’s irrational and im trying to stop but i can’t help it

[mochikage]

i am so down bad for college!/roommate!kakashi and I meant to send this in a while ago but forgot but I feel like if you left your bag or something on the subway while riding with Kakashi, he would literally sprint to the next stop to try and beat the train to get what you left behind. and no matter how much you begged that it wasn’t important and felt bad he went to such an effort he couldn’t bear to see you sad/disappointed

(Also maybe that seems unachievable but in Boston where I ride there’s sometimes less than a block between stations I feel like someone could do that lmao)

 thank you for blessing me with this idea...i also have it down bad for college/roommate!kakashi and I’m gonna be honest...i don’t know if I’ll ever stop writing for him or for this certain AU...also i changed the settings just a little bit im sorry

“Just relax, you’re going to be fine.” Kakashi comments. He’s sitting next to you on the nearly empty train. It’s relatively early in the morning, so it was nice to have a calm environment before your big interview. The white flashcards in your hand are shuffled again, deciding that you could go through them one last time before your stop. 

“I just don’t want to forget anything.” 

The train gently rocks you two back and forth, and if neither of you were preparing for anything, you would’ve easily fallen asleep on his shoulder. 

“Do you want to practice with me one more time?” 

“No, I think I’ve bothered you enough this past week.” You smile kindly at the man next to you.

 In the last week, you have gone to him nearly every night to practice your presentation and ask for some feedback. Unbeknownst to you, after the third time you’ve asked he’s stopped listening to what you’re saying and just appreciated your presence. 

He’d take the opportunity to look over your shy expression, giving you an occasional smile for encouragement, a smile that you’ve come to find comfort in. He’d have to hold back a chuckle of endearment when he’d notice the hand  gripping at the hem of your shirt and he wants nothing more than to take it in his hand and reassure you that everything will be fine. 

“Not a bother, besides you helped me with my presentation too.”

“Still can’t believe you’re not going through it right now.” You shuffle through to the next card. Your eyes scan over the words but at this point all your attention is on Kakashi. 

He stretches his long legs out in front of him and crosses his arms over his chest. His head leans back against the window and he closes his eyes. How someone can be so relaxed before something so big is a complete riddle to you.

“I had a nice girl help me. Don’t want to forget her pointers and mess it up.” 

Your cheeks warm up at his words. You’re grateful he doesn’t get to see you flustered and you turn your attention once again to your cards. 

“You know, once you get the job and everything and I ace this presentation, I think we should celebrate.”

“What were you thinking? Takeout from China Stix?”

“Not takeout. Maybe we can...I don’t know go to the sushi place that opened downtown?” 

You stop reading the words on the cards to process what he said. Is he asking me on a date? You turn to look at him and what a mistake that was. 

Silver eyebrows are completely relaxed, his eyelashes resting on the tops of his cheeks and lips in a soft pout. If he was asking you on a date he would probably be more clear about it. He’s always been blunt with you, so why would he stop now? Physically shaking your head from side to side, you clear your mind of any irrational and illogical thoughts. 

“Y-Yeah,” you clear your throat, “that sounds like a plan.” Disappointment settles at the pit of your stomach, but you have no one else to blame but yourself and your pitiful daydreaming. 

The bell of the train chimes out before the conductor announces the next stop. Your chest tightens momentarily and heartrate picks up. You take a deep breath and begin to gather your belongings. 

“Guess this is me.” You take another deep breath in an attempt to calm your nerves. You straighten out your clothes and start to walk towards the door. 

“Y/N.” Kakashi calls out to you. You turn to look at him, hand gripping your bag tightly. 

“You’re going to ace it. Just breathe and get it over with.” He gives you a small, charming smile. A smile that has you forgetting where you are. One that makes your stomach churn in excitement and heart beat happily in hopes of seeing it again. In hopes of being the reason he smiles like that. 

The chime of the bell brings you back to the present again and you rush out the door, nearly missing your stop. The crowd moves with you towards the exit, the station more crowded than your cart was. 

Back on the train Kakashi is still staring at the doors you walked through. Gaze lingering there in case you magically appear with that smile that took his breath away. He leans back in his seat and rests his hand where you were just sitting. 

“Shit.” The curse falls from his lips when his fingers touch the flashcards you had moments ago. Right next to your phone.  In seconds he has them tucked away in his bag and he’s standing by the train doors to get off of the next stop. He checks his phone for the time and sprints out the door. 

He nearly runs into someone carrying a tray of coffee, body leaning back and away from the four cups. He apologizes quickly before taking off again, weaving through the crowd and shooting up the stairs, taking two at a time. 

~

You’re reciting your speech in your head as you walk through traffic, proud of yourself for remembering most of the key points from your practice on the train. Looking ahead, you see the building where your interview is. If you land this internship, you’ll be pretty much set for the next few years both financially and net-working wise. To say that it was a chance of a lifetime was an understatement. You still don’t really know how you landed this interview since you’ve heard people being on a wait list for months before being approved for an interview. Either way, you’re thanking your lucky stars. 

As you near the building, you reach in your bag to go through the flashcards just one more time. Your hand searches for a minute or two before you take it off your shoulder to get a good look in there.  Panic starts to settle in your chest when you don’t see your cards or your phone. You’re about to dump your bag out onto the street before you hear your name called. 

You turn around, eyes wide and tears ready to fall from the disbelief of your stupidity. Out of all days to forget things today was not the day. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion when you see Kakashi sprinting over at you, holding white little rectangles up in his hand. 

Holy shit.

He finally reaches you, holding out your cards and your phone in his hand. He sets his hands onto his knees as he tries to catch his breath. 

“Kakashi...” You’re shaking your head, unsure of how to even start thanking him for doing this for you, “You didn’t have to--”

“You would’ve freaked out.” He cuts you off, standing back up to his full height, “you would’ve freaked out if you didn’t have them with you. Besides, how else am I supposed to find out that you got the position?” 

You shake your head once more, looking at the man in front of you. Looking at the handsome, out of breath, crazy roommate in front of you with the stupid charming smile he gave you earlier on the train. The stupid charming smile that’s so contagious where even on your worst days does not fail to make you smile as well. You’re shaking your head with a smile of your own now, still unable to believe that he ran all this way to help you out. 

The two of you stand there, smiling at each other like idiots. Kakashi’s just now catching his breath. He watches you reach for his tie and tug it down to your height. It doesn’t register to him when your lips meet, brain short circuiting the second that they press against each other. You pull away, unfazed by what had just happened, acting so casual for just making his heart stop. 

His mouth opens and closes, trying to say something before you leave, anything. The glass doors of the building close before he can say something, and he’s stuck staring at his reflection. 

You walk through the doors and towards the front desk, letting the receptionist know you were there for an interview. You go through your flashcards one last time before hearing your name get called. The receptionist leads you back through some double doors and in a long hallway with black marble floors. They let you know that the third door down to the right is where your interview will be held. Thanking them, you take one last deep breath and head to your destination. 

It’s not until your hand touches the cold metal of the round doorknob that you have the realization.

You just kissed your roommate.

#kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi x reader #roommate!kakashi #vanilla mochi #i miss roommate!kakashi and i don't even live with him #but he DOES live rent free in my head #unfortunately for all of you

[rengokuswif3]

Hospital Beds and Lost Confidence

A/N: Inosuke lives in my head rent free and he’s really fun to write for, so I wanted to write something where when he was in the Butterfly Mansion and too exhausted and depressed for rehabilitation training and the reader helps him out of his slump because SAME MAN I CANT GET OUTTA BED EITHER CAUSE IM SAD

It was no secret that Inosuke felt down, everyone in the Butterfly Estate could tell. He didn’t leave his bed much, barely ate, didn’t talk at all. It was so out of character for him to be so quiet, and it worried you to death.

You had been with him, Tanjiro, Zenitsu and Nezuko on Mount Natagomu. You saw the damage those demons caused to you all, and how they totally destroyed your boyfriends confidence. He had gotten beat up pretty bad by the father spider demon, then strung up by a Hashira and left there. So yes, he chose to lie in bed and feel sorry for himself. He knew that wasn’t doing him any good, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He just thought about how he could barely save himself, let alone really help anyone else. You had gotten pretty hurt too because of him, in his eyes at least. He didn’t get to you in time and you had gotten thrown so hard against a tree you broke nearly half your ribs and an arm. He felt helpless and useless in that moment, just standing there seeing you knocked out and bloodied, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

You on the other hand didn’t see it like that at all. You should have waited for backup rather than attacking by yourself against such a strong opponent. You knew you didn’t stand a chance yet did it anyways, getting yourself and your love hurt in the process. You couldn’t train yet as you had to wait for your ribs to heal before doing any sort of movement, so you were bedridden. Tanjiro tried everyday to get Zenitsu and Inosuke to join him, but failed every day. You tried to convince them as well, Tanjiro giving you a thankful smile before signing and heading off to training by himself once again.

Today was no different, Tanjiro tried to drag them out of bed with no success. Zenitsu kept fast asleep, and you couldn’t tell if Inosuke was awake or not due to him keeping his boar head on. You knew he felt horrible, he kept that thing on so no one could see the look on his face. So nobody could see what a weakling he was.

You decided you had let him have enough time to think by himself, and you needed to help him get back on his feet. After saying his name a few times and getting no answer back or even a single movement, you moved to get up but cried out in pain when you felt a sharp stab in your side.

“Y/N?!” Inosuke immediately sat up, seeing you trying to get out of bed. “Lay back down, you’ll hurt yourself!”

“But I need to-“

“What do you need? I’ll get it for you!” He insisted, getting up and helping you lie back down slowly and carefully.

“I need you.” You grabbed his hand, afraid he’d go right back to bed and not get up again.

“Me?” He pointed at himself in disbelief.

“You need to stop sulking, please. It’s not healthy for you. You need to start training again.”

He stared at you for a moment before sighing and sitting down on your bed next to you, intertwining your fingers together. He hung his head low in shame, not daring to look at you in the eye and see your disappointment in him.

“Y/N, I…can’t.”

“Of course you can.”

“No, I can’t. What’s the point? I’m too weak. I’ll never be good enough to protect you. I’ll never be strong enough. It’s my fault you’re so injured and stuck laying here. It’s…it’s all my fault.” He said sadly. You’ve never heard him talk like this. He was so…insecure. He always spoke loud with confidence and radiance, always sure to let everyone know where he stood; above them.

“It’s not your fault, Suke. It’s mine. I was the one who attacked when I knew I wouldn’t win. I made an irrational decision and a dangerous mistake, I decided to do that. It’s my fault for this, Inosuke. All you did was defend me and help me to safety. I don’t see how that’s weak at all.” You rubbed your thumb on the back of his hand in soothing circles, hoping to comfort him.

“But I should’ve been there for you! I didn’t get there in time and you got hurt because of it! Why can’t you see how weak and pathetic that makes me?!” He yelled angrily. He wasn’t angry at you whatsoever, he was only angry at himself. Tears started leaking out of his boars head, which made you tear up yourself. You hated that he felt like this, and it was because of you.

“Inosuke! Stop it!” You snapped, tears threatening to fall down your face. Your outburst made him look at you in surprise, you were always the calm and rational one while he was the yeller. In fact, he doesn’t think he’s ever heard you yell before. “You are not weak! You are not pathetic! You are the strongest, bravest person I know! I love you because I know I’m always safe with you and you’ll always protect me! Okay?! Do you understand?!”

You were full on crying now, feeling so guilty for how he felt. Sure it wasn’t all your fault, it was that stupid demon that hurt the both of you. He crushed Inosuke’s ego and you hated seeing him not confident with himself. It was one of the things that made you fall in love with him, and seeing him in so much pain hurt you too.

“Y/N…I…I’m sorry.” He sniffled. “I just…I wish you didn’t get hurt. I wish I could’ve saved you. I wish I was stronger. I want to protect you, I don’t want to see you hurt. I can’t lose you, you’re the only person who’s ever loved me and I…I love you.”

You both fell silent, tears streaming down both of your faces. You slowly reached out and lifted his boar head off his own so you could see his face. He never let anyone see him crying like this, but he trusted you and let you see his face whenever you wanted. It was his way of being vulnerable and your way of showing him he could trust you. You wiped his tears off his cheeks with your thumbs as you cupped his face, his hands coming up to rest on top of yours.

“I love you too. Which is why you need to understand none of it was your fault. Okay?”

“Okay.” He finally nodded, a small smile forming on his lips as he continued to cry. “I’m sorry for causing you this pain.”

“I’m sorry you thought you were the cause.” You smiled softly at him, leaning in and gently pressing your lips to his. He made the kiss rougher, as he usually did, which made you giggle a little into the kiss.

“OH COME ON. GET A ROOM!” Zenitsu’s voice screeched from across the room. Inosuke broke the kiss to glare at the blonde boy, who was in turn glaring back as well.

“OI, YOU INTERRUPTED US!” Inosuke stood up in a defensive position.

“YOU GUYS WOKE ME UP WITH YOUR GROSS KISSING!” Zenitsu insisted in disgust.

“YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE AINT NOBODY WANT TO KISS YOU!”

“AM NOT!”

“WELL GET OUTTA HERE YOU VIRGIN!”

“YOU LIVED IN THE MOUNTAINS, YOU’RE A VIRGIN!”

“THEN LEAVE THE ROOM SO WE CAN CHANGE THAT!”

“EW!”

“Just WHAT is going on in here?” A short girl snapped from the doorway. You recognized Aoi, one of the girls who lived at the Butterfly Estate to help rehabilitate injured slayers.

“Oh hi, Aoi!” You waved and smiled at her. “Sorry to disturb the peace, but these two have informed me they are ready to get back into training!”

“Is that so?” She crossed her arms and continued to glare at them. “Come on then, we have a LOT of work to do.”

“Y/N!” Both boys whined at you. Inosuke gave you his puppy eyes, which always worked on you without fail.

“Do it for me?” You asked sweetly, motioning for him to lean down so you could give him a peck on the cheek. A blush spread across his face, then a large grin.

“OF COURSE!” He put his boar head on and leaped over the beds out the door. “IM GONNA KICK EVERYONE’S ASS FOR YOU!”

“Just what I want to hear!” You called after him, laughing. At least he was back to normal, and you had your Inosuke back.

#inosuke x reader #inosuke hashibira #demon slayer inosuke #demon slayer x reader #kny #inosuke hashibira x reader #demon slayer

[suckmybigtoeoikawa]

I don’t usually make requests and I hope your not too busy or that this rest bothers you, but could you maybe make Jesse (4*Town) fic inspired the lyrics or Me and your Mama as angst or if that makes you uncomfortable ( or you simply prefer the other option), a Jesse fic inspired by the Lyric of See you again by Tyler the creator?

OK PLEASE I HAVENT EVEN LOOKED IN MY INBOX, IM JUS NOW SEEING THIS!!

@skiedrr

See you again

“will I ever see you again?” “I don’t know y/n”

Jesse enjoys having your around.. he swear he does. he takes you on trips, he introduced you to his kids, you even got to meet 4town, his mom, dad and even his girlfriend. Although he loves you, he can’t help but admit he loves his actual girlfriend too. He’s made it very clear to you (without him actually saying) that you’re the bottom bitch, and you just have to deal with it.

Don’t get me wrong he enjoys your company.. He truly does but whenever you ask him to break up the the so called girlfriend he actually “loves”, he just gets defensive and retaliates. It’s as if he’s almost tries to blame you for being with him, while he has a girlfriend. And usually when you do get into arguments about the girlfriend, it’s loud and fiery and goes in this cycle: argue, apologize, sex. It’s been like this for about..like.. 2 years.

“i just don’t understand, Jesse”

“what do you mean?”

“I don’t understand why you’re still with mina”

this same argument again. Jesse even knows the cycle by now and he’s just ready to fuck and get this over with.

“Babe please can we not do this right now.”

“No, please, i’ve been asking for so long now and you don’t give me a straight forward answer”

he just looks at you. nothing to say. nothing.

“let’s not do this right now, babe”, he says with his voice getting sterner.

You guys just came back from a dinner date, and while you were there some fans came by asking about mina. Immediately you were hurt, you often felt like mina was prettier than you, and it hurt to see Jesse trying to hide you like he was ashamed of you. Didn’t he love you more?

“Jesse-”

“y/n can we please just not, we’ve already had a good time out already, and you wanna just ruin it with some random bullshit. cut it out.”

there he go talking to you like you’re one of his kids.

“Jesse, im not even asking for much..”

“but you are.. what’s happening between us and mina is complicated, okay? he says emphasize you and him “And I don’t feel like dealing with this right now, baby, can we please just do something else”

you’re feeling so guilty about arguing with him right now. He often emphasized how tired he was between his job and his kids, the last thing you wanted to be was a burden. but isn’t there enough time to have this conversation? isn’t it worth it?

“No i want to solve this, right now. I’ve known you for way to long for—” mid sentence he began to walk off into his bedroom. “Jesse, where the fuck are you going i’m talking to you!”. He just says nothing. “Jesse what happened, im just tired of wondering when you gonna call me back, or let me know when you’re thinking about me, do you even understand how that feels?!”

you find him seated at the foot of the bed hunched over with his hands on his face. “Y/N, if you want to bitch and moan you can leave”

…

“jesse..”

“y/n..you can leave and not call me back”

“jesse, no.. this is irrational of you.. this doesn’t make any sense”

“y/n, if you honestly feel the way you feel right now.. then just leave.. right now” he shrugs as if it was simple, as if he hasn’t marked and changed 2 years of your life. “y/n you’re just simply asking for a lot right now as if I haven’t been risking my reputation for you”

“what do you mean i’m-i’m just trying to understand you..” you’re holding back tears and slowly raising your voice “ i knew you.. i know you, you’ve been so distant from me and you’ve been hiding me and fucking using me.. all i’m asking from you is to open up..”

“y/n, please.”

“please i love you.. you know me”

“stop with that I love you shit.. okay”

at this point you’re crying. everything hurts. all of the times ans moments you’ve shared with each other werent truely werent significant enough in his eyes. you still ended up in his bed later that night but the mind numbing ideas and beliefs about wanting to know him more and have this meaningless sex turn into a beautiful relationship plagued your mind. because hell, Jesse was your dream dude. But at some point you need to wake up and realize, that you were the bottom bitch that wanted more.. and truth be told what did you expect? Love was not an option for you and Jesse no matter how many times this nigga crossed your mind.

***

ion even write angst , soooo if this isn’t the best MBBB 🤭🤭

and they way this took me eons to respond back to

#suckmybigtoeoikawa #headcannons #4town x reader #jesse 4town #4town jesse #4town jesse x reader #jesse x reader #4*town x reader #4*town jesse #4*town

[emptifylie]

fuck. every once in a while i’ll get a compliment on my body and i might even start to believe it. but then i realize that i hate who i’ve become. i hate how i see myself but it’s real, it’s real to me. no one can ever convince me that my body is good enough. i need to decide that on my own. right now it’s no where near good enough. let me just be honest with all you right now, i’ve gained 4lbs in the last 2 days. i haven’t eaten in at least 3 days(i don’t remember but it’s at least been 3 days) but i’ve still managed to gain weight. if your wondering how that’s possible, i’ve been binge drinking a lot. im so fucking stupid. im so so stupid. of course i would gain weight. lately nothing is enough. i’ve been smoking more which i didn’t know was possible but somehow i’ve started smoking at least 5-6 joints a day and i have a cart on me 24/7. i started drinking again to maybe fill the hole with something else for a change. weed doesn’t do it for me anymore. i don’t want to do anything irrational, start doing shit that i said i wouldn’t do again or something. i’m just never done. nothing is enough. nothing is fucking enough. nothing is enough. i guess if i got skinnier that would help my mental state a lot. i just can’t do it. FUCK I CANT DO IT. i can’t do this shit anymore i just can’t. i literally can’t. my body is against me, my mind is against me, my addiction is against me, the world feels fucking against me. it’s okay. i guess i just won’t be eating until i feel okay again. i’m gonna stop drinking tonight. i need to feel human. i’ll be human again soon. fucking trust me, i will be posting on here soon updating on reaching gw after gw. i will do this, we will all do this.

the universe is trying to show me that if i don’t get shit together quick i’ll be fat soon. i’m gonna turn shit around.

#ana trigger #ed vent #eating diary #only pro for tags #disorderd eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #4norexi4 #pro 4na #pr0anna #pr04ana #not pr0 just for myself #pro for me not for thee #pr0 ana diary #not pr0 4na #pro a4a #4n4mi4 #4na buddy #4na blog #4nam1a #4namia #4n0r3x14

[iliana-the-dreamer]

a message for ed tumblr

to anyone who cares to read - (ed tw)

my girlfriend is my everything. i think she might be the love of my life. she matters to me more than anything else in the world.

over the last few years my mental illnesses have progressed and trauma ive experienced continues to affect me every day. it is really difficult to see an end in sight.

im trying to get into therapy… i haven’t spoken to a therapist since i was in middle school and im nearly 21 now. im trying to work it out with my mom. its been a long time coming. i promised my gf this a long time ago and i need to follow thru on a promise for once in my life this matters more than anything.

i want to graduate college on time. i have been plagued by the fear that my ed and depression will stop me from doing so.

it is so so hard to focus on my future when i feel utterly stuck in my past.

fights with my gf leave me hating myself because i don’t understand why i can’t just get better, recover and be normal. i don’t understand why i have no motivation some days to fight for a better life and am helpless. i am trapped. ive been trapped by the seemingly never-ending pain in my brain and body since 2019.

the symptoms of my ed are severe. i also have chronic illness (diagnosed pots, some other shit autoimmune issues and potentially ehlers danlos, although i have heard that both are associated with eating disorders, scary as that is). i have chronic fatigue and small fiber nerve pain.

i have been around ~10 lb or so underweight on avg for the majority of the past 16 months. im cold all the time. ive lost so much normal control over my bladder and bowels. my brain fog makes it impossible to focus on anything. im miserable. i want my old brain back and i want my life back. i still don’t think of myself as sick enough but the truth is that i never will.

i need to recover.

my body is tired. tired of being mistreated by me. i am (mostly) sh free for almost two years (in january). that is an accomplishment. i need to fight harder against my self-destructive personality.

im in my shitty dorm bed next to my sleeping gf. i know that i need to get better for her. she deserves better. she has brought my greater joy than i had ever known before. i don’t want to imagine my life without her in it with me. she has told me many times that she can’t stay with me if i keep getting worse. she is supporting me in getting better and now is the time. i can’t keep putting it off, i can’t keep letting everyone else pass me by while i put off trying to make a better life for myself. i deserve to eat. every day i deserve to eat. i need to tell myself this every day even though i won’t always believe it.

i have the irrational fear that i won’t stop gaining weight forever. it is irrational. i need to find the weight that my body is happy at because as it stands i don’t know what that is but i know it isn’t where im at now.

i know that i need to fight for myself and for my health to make things right. i fear losing my love more than anything else - much more than gaining weight, even more than death. i don’t think i can forget the look in her eyes as she begged me to stop starving myself. i can’t live with the guilt of hurting her as i hurt myself. i have to break the relapse cycle, i know that i might relapse over and over but i have to try to keep going no matter what. i want a better life for myself and for her.

it is never worth it to do this to yourself. being skinny won’t make you happy. most days i don’t like what i see in the mirror and some days its like i don’t even recognize myself. suffering like this isn’t worth it. that voice in your head wants you to slowly k*ll yourself. you know it’s true. i want to choose to fight it every day for the rest of my life or else i know i can’t truly be happy. if anyone is reading this and needs help or wants to talk please message me.

love iliana

#recovery #ed not sheeren #mental health #therapy #youre not alone #trying to be better #tw depressing thoughts #tw ed sheeran

[juni-ravenhall]

i’ve been trying to figure out what to do, bc the more im away from ssoblr the  more it became obvious that i feel intensely fucking shit when i go on here and feel better when im not on here 

- due to the ppl who decided to make shit up about me behind my back and then double down on it and say “look!! he IS mean [for being hurt and upset - as a longterm victim of abuse and bullying, which everyone knows about]” when i try to talk about that. 

i just dont know what to do. i liked it here, and i did my best (as someone with severe social anxiety and with ptsd from abuse! i’m not perfect, but i did my best!) to talk to ppl directly, even the ones who have been rude or nonsensical or mean or whatever other form of disrespectful to other ppl. (that includes anons i received and normal convos.) 

but everytime i go on here now im just reminded about how ppl i thought i could trust would turn on me and make shit up about me instead of actually talk to me, and when i tried to talk to them directly, it would be shut down or discouraged. while the behind-my-back stuff clearly was never actually acknowledged or resolved.  

at this point i just feel so lost. i dont know what to do. when i try to resolve it instead i get told even worse things and got hurt *more* instead of getting a resolution. and i get told “you talk too much” and shit like this, so what? talking isn’t bad. treating others unfairly is bad. i wish i had a penny for everytime someone told me i talk too much! imagine, humans are different! talking isn’t harmful and when i was told to “stop replying to me if you don’t agree”, i did, aka i stopped talking, as much as i feel it’s an odd way to handle things. 

even my gf got grouped in with me as if she had done something wrong. what exactly these things we both did that are wrong, seems really unclear. i know that ppl got upset about specific things but i don’t really see how the things are wrong, and if nobody is ready to explain that, what can i do? what am i supposed to do? when *i* see someone post unfair or mean things, i replied to them and said “hey, this isn’t fair” etc... but the same group of people told me to stop doing that. (either by direct words, or by blocking me, or whatever.)

what do you want me to do then? to not reply when someone is mean, but also to think it’s okay for people to talk about me in private chats, and therefore to not get a chance myself to explain or defend myself since you refuse to talk to me directly about it? i hate all of this. it’s school style bullying at the point that you talk about others negatively in private and don’t have anyone there to offer a different perspective or defend them.

i didnt talk about any of these ppl behind anyone’s back: part of what made some ppl mad is the public posts i made (during panic attacks from severe mental illness and stressful poor life situations!) containing ~narcissistic judgmental mean content~ such as “i can’t handle ppl being irrational and mean”, or “people should stop being irrational and mean”, or “people should get help (just like i do) if they’re unhealthy and immature”. 

bc you know, it’s not like ppl were irrational and mean to me or others, i just made that up. and it’s definitely only about x persons on ssoblr who likes to think all vagues are about them and not the entire humanity (aka: ive been open about how many ppl have mistreated, abused or bullied me, actually, and every fucking time i go in a fandom i meet ppl who latch on to me as an easy target bc im Different. one person being immature or unhealthy isn’t unique; i meet them everywhere; if they treat others with disrespect or unfairly they are causing harm, no matter how common they are, and therefore it’d be great if they tried to fix that by studying psychology and getting mental healthcare. because it’s not okay to hurt others or be mean and you should stop. whoops, am i being a mean narcissist again?) 

i really wish all the trying-to-talk-it-out happened publically because i needed backup. they can keep doing what they do and everyone else thinks they didn’t hurt anyone because i handled this in private out of respect (i don’t believe in cancelling and blocking and all this shit). if nobody knows what happened then they’re also free to keep manipulating the perspective and act as if i really did do something wrong (i’ve asked what i did wrong and i get no answer. contrary to Things People Make Up About Me, i actually do want to know if i did something wrong, and try to make it right - and no, you’re not unique if you Made Things Up About Me, so that’s not just about one person, yet again). 

it’s not comparable to say “you’re talking too much” vs “you hurt me”. it’s not comparable to say “you wrote public posts where you said being mean and irrational is bad” vs “talking behind someone’s back in a private space where they or their friends can’t defend them”. the things aren’t the same. you can’t just act like all emotional reactions are equal when they’re not. 

i really dont know what to do. i dont feel safe or comfortable on here, i feel like shit that they hurt me like this and are still hellbent on that somehow it was my own fault and also it never happened anyway. 

(btw, i was literally told “we talk about you sooo much” and then told “no, we never talk about you”... “he thinks ppl talk about him”... as if i was being delusional or grasping in thin air, for putting together two and two when i know for a fact i had been talked about *and* i don’t see any other explanation than talking-behind-my-back for how some of the rude/mean things even reached me the way they did. anons that mysteriously sound exactly like the people who were being rude/mean and part of the same group? ppl replying to me just to be rude who supposedly don’t even follow me - i’d guess my posts were being linked somewhere? i mean, it’s not a far reach when you know it’s all one same group of people that do talk to each other in private where nobody can speak for me. i’m open to other explanations, but i haven’t been given any.)

also, to be clear because ppl love to make shit up about me:

i dont talk about any of this to insult or shame or whatever. i already talked directly to ppl from the very beginning and talked publically about my opinions and thoughts and this is what made them upset. 

i talk about this because im fucking lost and ssoblr is my only “big” fandom community. i’m really sad to think about leaving, like really really sad. i just don’t know what else to do when the people who hurt me are still here and still acting as if i did something wrong, but not ready to talk to me about it respectfully.

[judaschair]

i am so sick of social media why does it still exist? i truly think it needs to stop being profitable. all of my friends are or are trying to be micro-influencers and im so tired. it feels like i can’t get ahead in my career without using it but i am growing to hate it. i just want to go back to looking at silly pictures of my friends and not see rage bait or ads everywhere i look. another thing is the phone obsession which i get to a point but its getting so weird. like ill be out with my friends and ill see almost no one not on a phone?? when im in the world i try to only pull it out to look up something or take a picture and even that i hate. i think im going to start caring my small camera to take pictures throughout the day because i just hate having to use my phone all the time you know? i miss laptops, i miss not thinking about my next post, i miss being able to talk to people. even my mom, gen x doesn’t ever put her phone down. she is always on til too or reels and its really annoying for me. we’ll be watching a show together and she wont put her phone down like?? its gone past its original purpose. not to sound all conspiracy theory but i really think its making people dumber (not excluding myself here dont worry), making people not think critically or in some cases at all, and making people so irrational. you get everything so fast and why?? so you can waste more time on social media? what is so important that people can’t say thank you to baristas, can’t see value in art that isn’t on their feed, can’t stop taking pictures of their dog to pet it and give it the love it deserves??? i know this post is all over the place but im so tired i hate it. even if i want to break the cycle i can’t. just one person not using social media as much isn’t gonna help. deleting my tiktok didn’t help. nothing will help. kids are dying, families are being torn apart, people aren’t seeing humans as humans. being behind a screen is making people feel fake and i know that is the root of it but god damn y’all. even tumblr which has a bad rep is 1000% better than anything x or meta is creating like that shit is so dumb!!!!!! im just feeling helpless with all of this. if i fade off of social media ill fade out of peoples lives that i genuinely care about. social media was supposed to make it easier to talk to people and share ideas, now its almost the only way to do anything.

#social media #rant #i hate social media #ugh

[moonrisecoeur]

KISSES YOU bc ur so nice and patient and reassuring !?!?!? i literally AM so in love with you /j /j

i do genuienly get so happy to see pookie online tho like literally get too excited to see when u answer me like the freak i am 🥺

and i really get what u mean, its especially bad for me during depression episodes and i know saying this cannot stop the little rats in ur head either but! its soso hard but its just something u have to work on slowly, like communicating how u feel and not going thru w ur thoughts. like its soso hard n i know that from experience like it took me so long to actually start talking ab stuff that im afraid of or that bothers me, even if it takes a few days. im used to being hurt, but im also used to being loved too? and i cant let that go, and i love loving, and it hurts but i cannot imagine going back to when i refused to love so strongly bc its what keeps me going yk? i know what its like for ppl to fear my love n i dont want the ppl who love me to think that ever bc i love them sm. U R INCLUDED ILY

anyways on a lighter note- i am LITERALLY puppy anon!?!! i love dog leon!!! im literally writing werewolf leon hcs RIGHT NOW bc im so so so normal ab my puppyman. (im so attracted to werewolves.) hes gonna have multiple tags on his collar!!! we can share!!!!! im taking his leash too!!!!

im thinking sooo much ab excitable werewolf re2 leon its not even healthy! i literally have to keep taking breaks with what im writing bc i LITERALLY keep kicking my feet thinking abt him.

-🐕

why are u joking. u shouldn’t be joking. you should be on your knees begging me to marry you obsessively in love with me. don’t joke about this this is serious.

but also!! yeah i try to be!! i usually just like to say the things that would help me to hear! obviously telling you ‘you’re not a bother’ is nice but at some point you don’t believe it when people say that!! because what if they’re lying just bc they feel bad and they wanna be nice to you but don’t really care for what you have to say? is that irrational? yes, yes it is. but i can’t blame ya!!

so instead i just acknowledge that the rats in ur head won’t believe me so i just !! i tell u that ur attention makes me feel popular instead of telling you you’re not bothering me and i tell u that i’m only being nice to u because i like u not because i feel like i have to be nice to u bc i’m nice to everyone.

fineeeee he can have multiple tags on his collar and you can hold his leash but i wanna pet behind his ears, watch him get all ditzy and happy from the tight leash and pets that he starts panting and drooling aifnsjsjdb im so so so sane

tell me about werewolf re2 leon. GIVE HIM TO ME NOW !! rahhhhhh

#🐕 anon

[no-ctrl]

Im sad. Maybe my period is coming. Maybe seasonal depression is kicking in. I am dead inside rn. I feel like I’m being laughed at from above whether it’s God or the Universe. I’m sorry to talk about both in vain but it genuinely feelings like a twisted joke. I literally had one of the worst spirals 2 nights ago. This is how it started. I unblocked Israel on Instagram then saw he was active a day before. Then I looked through his little bros page and he had posted a guitar cover of Ivy by Frank Ocean which is a song I have shown to Israel (not saying that’s why his bro is playing it but it reminded me of Israel) then I go onto his cousin’s insta and he posted a baby and I’m guessing it’s Israel’s baby brother and that was straw that broke the camels back(it’s me I’m the camel) it felt like an addiction. I looked at his threads, I looked at his tiktok and I felt so desperate I literally resort to making a Facebook. That was an all time low. I purposefully deleted my Facebook bc it was extremely unhealthy for me in terms of letting Israel go. As if making the Facebook wasn’t shameful enough, I reopened a wound the literally makes me sick to my stomach. That wound being facing Israel’s mom and how she was able to continue life and move forward while I felt left in the dust. I saw a picture of her while she was pregnant. It was a photo of her from July 2022. Israel hadn’t even been back yet at that time and there she was pregnant enjoying a family party. Then this weekend she was at her nieces baby shower. I hate her. I hate how much she has control over my feelings. I hate being so terrible. I hate hating her. I don’t want to think or feel anything towards her I want to forget her. But I can’t help but hate her for everything. I hate how she used me like if I was some emotional support dog for her addict son. She didn’t treat me like a person. She never considered me. I hate how Israel would get upset with me when I expressed my hurt towards her bc he would get defensive towards his mom (I don’t blame him) I hate how despite everything she did to him he still chose her over me. I hate that I even feel that way bc it sounds so irrational. I hate her. I hate how she gets to cause havoc and destroy everything yet continues to live life and having community within her family, she still has her son choosing her. I hate her. I hate seeing her happy while I’m miserable. It feels so tortuous. It feels like I have a wound and someone is just pouring salt and lime in tht wound and rubbing it in. Instead of being tortured by the thoughts of my brain I’m being tortured in all aspects. You think seeing her was the worst part? No it really wasn’t. Today when I was driving to my evening class after work tell me why he was right next to me at the spot light and he was just so eager to drive away he literally ended up crossing 2 yellow lights. It felt like a practical joke bc I was already in my feels these last few days. I literally couldn’t stop crying for 20 minutes. I felt like I was being laughed at. It felt like a cruel joke was being played on me. Haven’t I gone through enough? Haven’t I been putting my part? I haven’t broken no contact. I haven’t driven past his house. I give myself space to feel my emotions. I won’t lie this past weekend was a great sabotage to myself but it didn’t involve rekindling with him. So why universe why did you put me in that situation? I’m sorry being so angry and upset but isn’t this enough? I’m literally so tired. I want to be happy. I’m trying I swear but today felt so excessive. I know life is u fair but why me why now? I’m tired of being strong and holding it together. I just want to be looked after. I’m just so sad. Like I just want Israel but he doesn’t want me. He literally left me. His mom dropped him in Mexico many times when things got hard yet I’m the villain in this story. Im tired of this. Im tired of all the injustices I’m faced with. Im tired of this. I deserve to be happy I deserve an easy life. I deserve peace. I deserve to be loved.

[bowdownbucky]

𝐁𝐀𝐃, 𝐁𝐀𝐃, 𝐁𝐀𝐃 !

part 2 <3

summary: you have an encounter with your best friend’s brother bucky!

pairing: innocent! reader x college! bucky

warnings: cursing, asshole! steve rogers, kissing, drug use, oral (female receiving) fingering.

your heart began to beat heavily, bucky didn’t care that his sister was outside of the door but you started to feel guilty. this was so wrong of you and you didn’t even want to look at yourself. “you better answer her sweethear, she’s not gonna leave.” bucky taunts you, he hand trails your stomach, groping your breasts hard. “uh-im almost finished, i h-had to ohhh.” you slap you hand over your mouth, bucky smirks as he pinches you nipple again.

“what?” rebecca moved closer to the door. “are you okay? i’m coming in.” your eyes widens, you pushed bucky away and slowly cracked the door. “i’m f-fine, the um…pizza! the pizza went down the wrong hatch.” you lie. rebecca’s face screws up. “ew i did not need to know that y/n” you watch as she walks into her room. you close the door, leaning your head back onto the wooden frame.

you closed your eyes and hoped that this was all a dream, that you didn’t actually kiss your best friends brother. you slowly open your eyes only to meet a pair of blue eyes, bucky laughs at you. “went down the wrong hatch? seriously?” you cross your arms in front of your chest. “well what was i supposed to say, sorry can’t talk now i’m making out with your brother. she’s kill me!” you exclaim, you ran your hands down your face in an irrational manner. this was too much for you and bucky didn’t see anything wrong with it.

“would you chill out? here take a hit, it will make you feel better.” bucky offers the small bud once more, you smack it out of his hand. “do you always solve your problems with weed!” you hiss. his eyes were low, he watched as the joint flew onto the ground. you hitch your breath realizing what you did, you see his tongue rub his lower lip. you almost melt at the sight.

“your gonna regret the doll.” he seethes into your ear. he pushes you against the door, you let out a yelp but he covers your mouth. “i know a way you can make it up to me, and you are gonna make it up to me. you know why baby?” you shake your head. “because you don’t want to get on my bad side. i would hate to ruin that innocence of yours.” he whisperers, he hands managed to find their way to you ass, giving it a light squeeze before letting you go.

you move from the door and he exits the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts. you could barely comprehend what happened let along what he meant by his bad side. you grabbed the nail polish remover and walk back to rebecca room. “finally! you took forever.” you mumble a small sorry and sat on her bed, she lends you her hand and you get to work on her nails, she chose a peach color and wanted you to add a french tip, such a classic.

as you continue painting her nails she squeals making you mess up the curved line. “becca! your nails!” you groan. “i don’t care! why didn’t you tell me?” you tilt your head confusingly. “you and steve hooked up and you didn’t tel me?!” you eyes go wide. “what! no! where did you get that from?” you ask her. she huffs. “no, no, no, no don’t try to act all innocent! you and chris did it and there is evidence on your neck. i rest my case.” you rush off the bed and check your neck, you internally face palm seeing dark purple marks all over your neck.

“i had no idea steve was like that. i guess i have to stop making fun of him now.” she chuckles. “just taking me home my ass! so how was it? was he big? why arent you giving me details.” rebecca whines, kicking her feet in her bed. you ignored her and attempted to kneed out the hickies. as you run the marks you notice bucky staring at you from his room door, you could practically feel his smirk as you watched his reflection go back to his room. you heart raced as you tried to come up with an excuse.

“it’s no big deal i just burnt myself with a straightener.” you curse to yourself knowing she wouldn’t fall for that. “fine don’t tell me! i’m going to sleep, all this secrecy has made me tired.” rebecca yawns, you hoped she wouldn’t ask you about the hickey again because lying was never your forte. you lie in the large bed, clouded in your own thoughts.

did he like you? was he just messing with you? you had so many assumptions of why he kissed you, what bothered you the most was that you had steve. steve was a jock and you were an outcast, you didn’t know how it would work. even though you and steve hadn’t officially said you were together, you still respected him and wanted to be faithful.

the next morning at school, you kept your head down and didn’t talk to anyone for the most part. no one really seems to notice because you were kind of a nobody. you sat in your forensics class, jotting down notes here and there. you stop writing when you feel a hand creep up your thigh. you turn your head toward steve, he kept a straight face and didn’t acknowledge how unamused you were.

“what are you doing?” you whisper. steve’s hand tries to travel up your skirt but you close your legs firmly. “steve!” he turns to you. “we’re in the middle of class.” you point out. “i’m sorry you know i can’t resist you baby. let me make it up to you but taking you out after homecoming.” you hault yourself as you almost roll your eyes at him. steve could be pushy sometimes especially when it came to losing your virginity to him. you hated that rebecca told him that, now he wouldn’t leave you alone.

“oh really.” you say pretending to be intrigued. “the guys and i bought hotel rooms for tonight and we get to bring a special girl along. and you know since your my favorite girl, i thought we could go together and have fun. go swimming, watch movies, kiss, cuddle, the whole nine and maybe some other stuff if you want.” you remove his hand from your thigh and continue writing notes. “i told you steve i’m not ready for that stuff yet.”

steve huffs, returning back to the lesson. your virginity wasn’t something that you kept sacred but you wanted you first time to be meaningful and steve hadn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend yet so your answer would always be no if he asked. when school ended you took the bus home, you quickly packed a bag full of makeup, hair supplies and your clothes for homecoming. you checked the time, almost cursing yourself seeing how you were going to be late to rebecca’s house.

you ran as fast as you could to the barnes’ house, you could practically feel the lecture rebecca was going to give you. luckily, you live a few blocks down from the barnes so it wouldn’t be too long of a walk/run. when you arrived at the barnes’ you quickly rang the doorbell. the door opens’ revealing a shirtless bucky who looked like he just got out of the shower. “can i help you?” he smirks looking down on you.

“becca t-told m-me to come, for homecoming.” you gulped attempting to maintain eye contact. his couldn’t help but peek at his glistened abs, you really hoped he didn’t catch on to you checking him out. before he could let out a snarky comment rebecca came gritting down the stairs with curlers in her hair. “there you are! y/n your late and we only have three hours to get ready.” you pushed pass bucky and ran up the stairs.

bucky watched at how nervous you were, it was like the fuel he ran on. rebecca closed her door and pushes you onto her vanity chair. “please tell me i have creative freedom tonight!” rebecca pleads with her big blue eyes staring at you. you sigh and nod. she kisses your forehead before beginning your makeup.

after a few hours of prodding, poking, blending, and brushing, rebecca finally finished your makeup and hair. normally you wouldn’t wear makeup because you didn’t know how to do it very well but when you did have it on you truly looked like a princess. “now carefully get into your dress y/n, i swear to god if you mess up an eyelash i will kill you.” she threatens you with her high pitched voice. you removed your jeans and shirt revealing your body, you quickly unzipped the dress as you start to compare your body to rebecca’s. becca was tall and slim while you were a little curvy. you had a small tummy with stretchmarks and she had a flat tummy with a slender waist. your best friend was beautiful and you didn’t want to see mom jealous, so you put up a front and delt with it.

you and rebecca were finally dressed, rebecca looked stunning in her white and pink dress. with the help of rebecca and mrs.barnes, you had pick a pale green dress, the curve of the dress fit you like a glove. the creases on the dress made you look more mature and sexier. you were never use to being sexy so the look on your face made rebecca freak out. “you totally hate it, i knew we should’ve gone with the black dress.” you shake your head. “n-no! it looks…great. thank you becks.” the door opens, your heart quickens when you meet a pair of bright eyes. you noticed bucky had put on a shirt, a part of you were bummed out. “would it kill you to knock! we’re girls who need privacy!” rebecca yells. bucky didn’t give his sister the time of day, his eyes were fixated on you. you felt self conscious as he stared at you long and hard. “mom and dad are going to a banquet dinner in manhattan. they won’t be back until tomorrow.” he tells rebecca. she crossed her arms in confusion. “what? no! i was supposed to have the car tonight. how the hell are we supposed to get to hoco?” rebecca flings her arms up dramatically.

bucky chuckles at his sister’s agony. “wait!” you spoke up as bucky was about to walk away. “c-can y-ou drive us?” you ask quietly. rebecca pulled your arm. “are you crazy? do you know what people say if we shows up to homecoming in a pickup truck?” rebecca vocalized. you couldn’t care less what people had to say, you just wanted and excuse to be see bucky. “becca this is important to you and even you said yourself we had to be there under any circumstances.”

rebecca whines. “fine but you’re dropping us off a block away. i need to retouch my hair, you’ve made me stress away the curls.” you watched as she pushes past bucky, leaving the two of you. you stare at him for a second then turn around, attempting to act uninterested. “you know you should skip this whole homecoming thing altogether.” bucky told you. “what! no, this is important to becca and i promised her i’d be there.” you felt his presence behind you, your back was pressed to his front. “come on doll, you never seemed like the type to be into this stuff anyway. i have a few places we could go instead. wouldn’t that be way more fun.” he was baiting you and hell, you were falling for it very hard. he pushed your hair to the side, laying a kiss on your shoulder. his hand cupped your waist, pulling you as close as you could get.

his pressed more kisses up your neck, he liked testing you, he would make you beg for it if you gave him the chance. “c’mom dollface, don’t you wanna have fun with me?” you almost gave him a nod but refrained. “i should go help rebecca, see you in a few james.” you walk away smiling to yourself, you won this round of the game but best believe, bucky was going to win the next level.

you sat in between bucky and rebecca once more, y’all were currently picking up nathan and steve, your dates for the evening. “you look beautiful beck.” nathan smiles at his girlfriend. rebecca left you in the front with bucky so she could kiss her boyfriend more. steve walks to the front car door but bucky locks him out. “hey man, open the door.” steve groans. the two had seem to have history and now you were going to be in between it. “you know the rules big guy, no douches in the front seat.” bucky smirks. “then why are you sitting up here asshole?” steve sarcastically jokes. rebecca huffed from the back, leaning in the front of the seat. “hey dickheads, we don’t have time for this, have your cat fight after hoco. let’s go!” she demands. steve huffs, taking a seat next to the couple who had no problem with pda.

the ride to the school was pretty silent except for the rock music playing from the radio. you stared out of the window, you could tell bucky was mad because of how tight he was holding the steering wheel, his knuckles were almost white from the tight grip. suddenly, his hand was on your thigh. your eyes widened, you quickly look back to make sure no one saw what was happening. “what are you doing?” you whisper. he doesn’t say anything to you, his hand stays on your thigh and his eyes stay on the road but you could still see the smirk on his face. you tried to push his his hand away but he only moves it higher, almost touching your core. you didn’t want to play games anymore, you were never built for them, you open your legs up more, instead of doing what you wanted, he removed his hand. “alright guys, have a good night.” rebecca and nathan were the first ones to leave the truck. steve exits the truck and stands by youre window. “you coming?” you nod to him. “i’ll be out in a second.” steve walks away from the window, bucky bursts out into laughter.

you throw a punch at his arm but he doesn’t flinch at you. “thats not funny! you’re so mean.” you pout. “no what’s funny is you actually going out with steve.” you eye him in confusion. steve was a good guy, he could be a little pushy but that was just high school boys. “he’s nice and he asked me to go with him. i really don’t see what’s funny bucky.”

“you think just because the guy asked you to a dance, he suddenly changes his player ways. i think you forgot i use to be one of those guys. guys like that don’t fal for girls like you” he pauses. “all he wants is to get you under him and then he’s gonna hop to the next willing participant. god you’re so naive.” you crossed your arms. “you’re such a jerk james! at least he has the decency to not play with my feelings! you’re sister was right! you’re nothing but a-an…asshole.” you yell, leaving the truck with a slam of the door. you surprised yourself at how you went off on him, what did he know about steve. you knew being involved with bucky was bad but now you officially got your sign to stay away from him.

you walked into the school looking for steve. you pushed pass people grinding and dancing on each other. when you find steve you see he’s not alone, he was dancing with lila miller. the two were close together, you turn you back in disgust once you catch the two of them share a very tongue-filled kiss. you sit at the table in annoyance. of course bucky would be right about steve, you hated the fact that he was right.

it took an hour and a half for steve to find you sitting at the table, watching everyone have fun. “hey y/n sorry i was waiting for you but then the guys wanted to go take some shots in the bathroom.” steve leans over to kiss your lips but you dodge him. he looks at you with a confused face. “come on let’s go dance.” he offers you his hand, you play with the fork that was covered in strawberry cake. “i’m good, maybe you should go dance with lila instead.” you say. steve sits back down in the chair, he cleared his throat. “you saw that? i didn’t think you’d be mad, it’s not like we’re together or anything.”

you roll your eyes, pushing your plate away from you. you get up and begin walking to the double doors. as you enters the hallways you ignore steve calling your name. “y/n! can you just wait a minute!” he yells, pulling your arm back causing you to hault. “it was just a dance, i was being nice. you can’t just get mad at me like that, i asked you to be my girlfriend more than once and you said no.”

“because all you want from me is sex which is not ready to give to you. you don’t think i hear about you hooking up with girls in the gym closet. i don’t want to be the next dumb girl who becomes a play thing for you.” you snap on him. “oh come on, sex is just sex, why do you make such a bug deal over this?” he groans.

“it’s not just sex steve, i want it to be meaningful and memorable. i’m sorry if i don’t want to hook up in a sleezy hotel.” you yell, your faces were extremely close. “and you think barnes is gonna make it special? god you’re so naive.” you furrow your brows, what did bucky have to do with this situation. “he has nothing to do with this steve! you asked me to come to this dance with you only for you to dance with another girl and make me look dumb sitting there waiting for you. you can’t take your hotel invite and shove it up your ass.” you walk away from steve, this time he didn’t bother calling your name. after he heard you curse at him he knew you guys were not going to work this out

you sit on the stairs of the school, tears slowly slid from your eyes. you felt so stupid and used, you knew steve was right but it still hurt. you two weren’t together and if he wanted to take another girl to the hotel he could because you weren’t together. you cringe at how bucky was right about steve, you wanted to be angry at him but he did warn you.

you decide to head home, walking alone the lonesome streets of brooklynn. you were wet due to the copious amount of rain fall, you shiver once more and continue to walk to your house. you noticed a familiar truck driving beside you. bucky rolls down his window. “get in.” he tells you. you continue walking, deciding to ignore the older boy. “come on doll it’s raining. a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be walking alone.” you couldn’t believe he as trying to flirt with you right now. you were hurt by his words and you were standing your ground, well that was until you heard a loud crack of lightning. you quickly rushed into the truck, slamming the door behind you.

before bucky could speak you began to talk. “just because i’m sitting in here with you, doesn’t mean i forgive you.” you seethed. bucky nods at you. “okay.” you angrily slap his arm. “okay? are you serious right now? how about a sorry for being a jerk!” you yell at him. bucky doesn’t acknowledge you, he starts looking for something in his truck. “god! boys are stupid! all you do is crave sex and hurt girls!” you rant, arms crossed over your chest. once you finished your rant you peek over at bucky holding two blunts. “wanna get high?”

you later found yourself in bucky’s room, high as a kite. you didn’t know what effect he had on you but you gave into his temptation. you sat on his bed, letting him shotgun smoke onto your mouth. “god you’re so hot.” bucky kisses your right shoulder. you softly hum in response, he trails his kisses to your exposed neck. you knew this was wrong on so many level but it felt so right.

“kiss me.” you whisper against him. the drugs in your system had your hormones at an all time high, you needed him to touch you. bucky locks his lips with yours, tongue roaming each other’s mouth in such a sensual way. bucky’s hand roams your body, cupping your breasts then your neck. you moan as he applies pressure to your throat.

he slides down you dress straps, with every kiss and touch you felt your dress being pulled lower and lower. bucky lifts you up on his lap, helping you out of the green champagne dress. you were fully exposed to him, his large hands grope your ass. he slaps the soft skin sending your lower half to grind against his tight jeans. bucky groans, pulling you closer to his bottom half. you felt the jean material rub against your clothes clit, your body shakes at the new feeling. “god you have no idea what you do to me princess.” he moans into your neck. his right hand unhooks your bra, you let the bra fall off of you. bucky eyes your bare chest, his blue eyes darken filling with lust.

he pulls your breast into his mouth, twirling his tongue around your swollen nipple. you grip onto his shirt, when moves your ass back and forth on his pants. “p-please bucky.” you whine, your body was aching for him to touch you. “what do you want doll?” you grab his, guiding him to your clothed cunt. you slip his hand under you, allowing his to grope your pussy. your mouth gapes open when bucky slowly rubs your clit back and forth.

when he notices you like the feeling of him touching you, it sends him into a deep lustful trance. he flips you over, bucky’ dog tags dangle over you. he kisses between your breast, trailing down to your stomach then he comes in contact with your laced white panties.

you can feel his breath on your wet core. he inhales you, moaning as if your cunt was the drug he was addicted to. he removed your panties from your body, bucky’s cock hardens once he caught a look at your pussy, your cunt was glistening from how wet it was, it took everything in bucky not to dive right in. “your so wet for me baby, and i haven’t even touched you yet. your pussy is begging for me to devour it.” bucky taunts. he slips one finger in your folds, your back arches at the finger passes your clit.

“bucky…please. i’ll do anything.” you beg. bucky perks an eyebrow at you. “anything?” you nod vigorously. “you’re going to cum for me three times. understand?” you nod your head. bucky licks a stride up your cunt. he moans at the taste of you. bucky wraps his pink lips around your clit, your legs spread wide as you beg for him to devour you. your back arches more, his hands pin your waist down to keep you steady, you screw your eyes shut as he sucks your clit into his mouth softly.

you moan out in pleasure, letting your hands grip his soft brown hair. you tug on his roots, attempting to push him closer to you. bucky pulls away earring a whine from you, he slips his middle finger into your core. at first his movements were slowly, he was preparing before adding his ring finger. you rode his fingers, moaning as he pumped you. you watch as he spits on your core, watching his saliva mix in with your cunt. you felt your stomach tighten, bucky felt your pussy clench around his fingers, imagining you around his cock.

he wastes no time, diving into your pussy. his tongue rapidly worked your clit, his fingers pumping you at a fast pace. your body was overwhelmed by all the stimulation. “bucky!” you scream at the top of your lungs. you were now grinding against his face, he didn’t tease you anymore, now he was on a mission to give you your orgasm. your legs shake, you cry out for bucky, your toes curled and your back arches to its full extent. bucky slows his movements as you come down from your high.

you collapse on his bed, you shiver as you feel bucky remove his hand from your pussy. you try to catch your breath, bucky hovers over you. “who knew my babydoll had that in you.”

#bucky barnes headcanon #marvel imagines #winter solider imagine #best friend!bucky #bucky barnes drabble #dad! bucky barnes #bucky barnes #avengers endgame #bad boy! bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #college! bucky barnes #bestfriendsbrother! bucky barnes

[yesimwriting]

Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a short story post or something I wonder how Our General Kirigan would react to a shy reader? Would he tease her? Be frustrated with her? And how would she react? Idk maybe just a thought 😅 I asked you because i really like your writing and I feel like you would really do a good job and I like the way you portray the General. 😊

a/n i have been crying/feeling shitty for the past two days for no reason!! so i thought it might make me feel better to try writing headcanons! i have SO MANY half done requests/fics but as of recently i hate everything that i write!! so i thought i'd work on this request that lends itself to headcanons

also im glad you like my writing :))

--

General Kirigan with a shy! reader headcanons:

- First things first, I think how he interacts with someone shy that he sees as a (potential) romantic interest varies per situation. Like generally, he finds the timidness kind of soft which is so different from what he's used to that he finds that aspect kind of endearing.

- He'd never admit that at the beginning, but the more time you spend with him the clearer it becomes to you because of how he acts when you're alone together

- At first, he'd hold onto his usual stoic disposition, but after realizing that at the end of the day your shyness is genuine and not an attempt to seem meek in order to trick people/him he'd begin to tease you about it when you two are alone.

- The first time he makes a comment that's just a little,, kinda-almost suggestive (a comment about how he wonders what it'd be like to be a Heartrender so that he could hear the change in your heartbeat every time you shied away from something) you're too confused to be embarrassed for like two seconds.

- You're basically that meme that's like did I hear that shit righttt??

- So you meet his gaze, and there's absolutely nothing but warm confidence there and you realize that he had in fact,,, said that.

- You hold his gaze for a moment out of protest (which is an incredible feat) and then you have to drop your eyes to the floor. You mumble some comment about how his ability to summon shadows isn't exactly a boring skill.

- Your reaction is so soft,, Kirigan can't help but be endeared even further. Something he wasn't exactly expecting and isn't too thrilled about. He doesn't think being shy makes you weak,, but he's extremely wary about how you're perceived and how people may treat you because of it.

- He doesn't doubt his ability to protect you, but he doesn't want to be distracted,, not with all he has to do.

- Still, he can't help mumble comments whenever there's a brief pause and you two are alone

- Meanwhile, you're starting to notice that now more situations keep coming up when you're left alone with Kirigan?? like he's always in the library when you are, he's always walking in to assess training when you're training and he just so happens to linger until you leave and then he just so happens needs to walk in the same hallway.

- It's a little strange at first,, but you're more horrified by the fact that you're not mad about it than the fact that it's happening. Especially since you know how much joy he gets from getting you flustered. You can see that in that slightly cocky uptilt to his lips whenever you're left gaping at him.

- Why doesn't it bother you?? You try to rationalize it and the only conclusion you can come to is the fact that he's attractive and powerful and even though your face gets hot whenever he talks to you,, there's appeal in those qualities. There's appeal in getting the infamous General to smile.

- Even if it costs you the bit of pride you have.

- You don't get why you're the one he seems to be going out of his way to speak to (maybe when your life is as stressful as his is,, at the end of the day you just want something easy and if he's in the mood to be flirty, you're easy) but you're not mad. You just have to constantly remind yourself to not be foolish enough to think you're the only one he goes out of his way to talk to.

- And as time progresses, you get a little more comfortable with his banter. You stop shying away completely,, which only encourages him to get bolder with his comments.

- Nothing insane,, not yet, just a little more direct.

- It kind of becomes a little game to him,, to see how flustered he can get you with the minimal amount of effort. Every once in awhile, you manage to act normally, but he's quick to shut that down by upping his game just slightly.

- After awhile, it starts to become a game for you too, to see how much of your instincts you can suppress just to take away some of his satisfaction. Only when he's getting a little too smug.

- But that's when y'all are alone...

- When you're surrounded by others, sometimes it feels like you don't even exist to each other. Sometimes that's a lonely feeling for both of you, but each of you is convinced that they're the only one that feels the absence.

- In your defense, you're much more entitled to those feelings because he can literally do whatever he wants. You can't just walk up to the General and do what?? ask him why he hasn't made any suggestive comment in the last couple of hours??

- please that embarrassing!! even if you weren't shy, that would be out of POCKET

- Meanwhile Kirigan is just like being angsty and debating the implications of seeking you out in an environment with so many important people. He could probably manage a minute or two by your side without making anyone suspicious, but the danger in that is that he won't be able to bring himself to leave after those minutes pass him.

- Worse,, he may even find an excuse for both of you to step out into the hall so that he can make his comments and take in your reactions in private.

- It's especially difficult when you have that one strand of hair just slightly out of place,, presenting the perfect excuse for him to just fix it and then drop his hand slowly so that his fingertips can brush the side of your cheek.

- And you're growing tired of the crowds of people you're not comfortable with and you're starting to feel more and more stupid for letting something that was so clearly just a playful distraction mean anything to you.

- But before either of you can succumb to your angsty pinning (cough, cough,, simps) his eyes will find yours from across the room and that's EVERYTHING

- At first, you want to be stiff and look away because it's probably not intentional, but then he gives you that little smirk. And then you feel stupid for ever doubting that you two at least have some kind of friendship. (maybe more,, but you're too scared to let yourself think that,, ;))

- And then you give him this shy smile,, and that's it. He's done--that one look undoes him entirely.

- So he starts shifting towards you as casually as possible, because if he can't be with you right now, surely being near you is good enough for now.

- You're unaware of this,, and when the moment ends you find yourself longing for more, but relatively satisfied. You don't expect anything from him, he's important and you're you.

- And being around people drains you because you genuinely want to stay out of any situation that would have too much attention on you at once. So once Kirigan moves and you can't find him in the crowd, you decide now is as good a time as any to step out and get some air, especially since no one currently needs you for anything.

- So you disappear into the corridor, planning to be gone only for a few minutes. But the second you're about two steps into the hallway, you hear another's footsteps.

- The hopeful part of you is like 'maybe it's him!!' but you don't really think that. There's something about the atmosphere that feels too tense,, too wrong for you to believe it's him.

- A moment later, your suspicions are confirmed. A grisha known for his impulsiveness is calling out to you, asking you where you're going.

- You explain that you just wanted to get some air and that you'd be returning in a minute. You try to sound dismissive, clearly establishing that you'd like your minute to yourself.

- It's clear that he understands the hint, but he doesn't move. He just keeps asking you questions.

- Your answers get shorter and shorter, the nerves your feeling tensing with each word as he begins to venture from falsely casual conversation to more flirtatious words. Being shy can leave you speaking too much, spluttering out words in hopes of saying the right thing to let you escape, but this is a different type of nervousness. Something feels wrong.

- And he just keeps saying things, things that even Kirigan wouldn't be able to get away with.

- All the while, you're desperate to escape, but they're persistent.

- And just when you're losing hope, and his advances get so bold he has you literally backed into a corner--a familiar voice comes to you like a lifeline.

- Kirigan, with all the authority of the general, questions what's going on. The guy that was so relentlessly hitting on you moves back like suddenly you're fire and begins to back away. He tries to explain himself but Kirigan is not having it.

- As soon as the stranger leaves, you feel like you can breathe again, but your nerves are still on edge. Kirigan's looking at you in a way you've never seen before. Sharp and almost--almost angry?

- You try to mumble a quick thanks, intending to disappear back to where you're supposed to be, but Kirigan's gaze keeps you planted against the wall.

- His gaze is so intense you ask him if he's alright.

- The question cracks something in him because of course you'd ask him if he's okay after something happened to you. His expression softens slightly, which you think is a good thing but then he speaks,, and his voice is not calm at all

- He's mad at the person that did that and the irrational part of him makes it seem like he's a little mad at you for letting that situation happen, but it's only because he's worried about what would have happened if he hadn't gotten there in time.

- And you're kind of confused because like?? what does he want from you? you made it clear you were uncomfortable and you were trying to get away?

- But after a quick snap and the fact that you're okay settles in,, he does feel a little bad. So he comes close to apologizing,, but that's basically just him saying he's glad that you're okay.

- You don't really ease, so he decides to make a partial joke about how maybe he needs to be around you more,, just to be safe,, you know

- And you smile slightly, and you're like 'y'know i'm not completely helpless.'

- and he's like 'pity,, i would've liked the excuse'

- your face instantly feels extremely warm and you're not sure what you could even, plausibly say to that. But you can't let him have the last word,, not like that. So you're overcompensating, rambling, but then at the end...you say something about how he doesn't really need an excuse to stay near you.

- When you realize what you've said, fight or flight kicks in,, but you can't move. And there's no casual way to escape, so you decide that maybe you'll cut your losses for today because that might have been your most significant reply to him ever, and you feel like an idiot because he was probably joking. And you just had to say that and make it weird.

- So you allow exactly one second of unfortunate silence, your eyes glued to the ground. And then you make some excuse about needing to get back to where you were.

- But Kirigan stops you, and you think about how you can't avoid looking him in the eyes forever, so you just kind of barely dare to glance upwards.

- And he's smiling broader than usual, the look is so warm it melts away all the bad feelings from earlier. You have absolutely no idea what it means, but you know it's not...bad.

- And then he shifts slightly, and that's when you realize he's never been this close before.

- He then asks if you're sure, voice much lower than earlier.

- You can't speak,, too trapped on a line you don't understand.

- But as he leans forward, the only answer he needs is the instinctual part of your lips as his warm breath reaches your cheek.

- And with that he turns his head just a fraction of an inch,, and his lips meet yours.

- It's just a quick brush of lips,, a soft test. And when you don't protest, he moves to let the contact be a little more assured, yet still teasing.

- Something in you grows impatient, and you move a little in hopes that he'll take the hint.

- But that's all it takes for him to pull away, expression bright and teasing before playfully chiding you for being so eager.

- He then turns, leaving you more flustered than ever.

#request #the darkling #the darkling x reader #the darkling x you #aleksander morovoza #general kirigan #general kirigan x reader #aleksander morovoza x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #netflix shadow and bone #sab #sab imagine

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

#can you tell how i’m similar to ford but also so different like i said in that other post lol #gravity falls #analysis #dipper pines #stanford pines #long post #gf #gravity falls meta

[elysianslove]

heeey I wanted to ask you could you please write smth with gojo, fushiguro and sukuna with a short-tempered s/o? I will be really happy if write this one cause i like your works a lot! <3

I FINALLY FOUND IT LMFAO IT WAS LOST IN MY ASKS AHBSSJS anyways im so sorry for making u wait so long i really am so sorry and i hope you enjoy!!! 

satoru gojō

gojō actually finds it. really attractive on you ngl 

especially if you’re good at hiding it, and then all of a sudden you burst and it’s crazy scary 

he likes that you have this side of you, and he especially likes that you’re unafraid to make your feelings known, even if you’re unnecessarily loud expressing them 

to be honest, a lot of the times he pisses you off on purpose just to have you yell at him. idk he’s a sadist 

whenever the two of you argue, and it gets really heated, he’ll always leave the room that you’re in to cool off, because he won’t want it to get worse for either of you. like he’s very cautious when it comes to fights because he knows how you get 

but honestly, i don’t know why but i get the sense that gojō’s the one that’d apologize even if he’s not in the wrong, and you are. it’s not that he does it to shut you up or anything stupid like that. he does it because he genuinely dislikes arguing with you, especially with an occupation like his where tomorrow isn’t promised yk? 

if you’re about to get in a fight with someone else, the rational side of him is already ready to go and stop you and pull you back, but since this is gojō we’re talking about, most probably he’ll let you have your fun for a bit 

he will stop you before it gets too far and you do something you’ll end up regretting, because he is a good partner at the end of the day, and he really does care about you

nine times out of ten though he’ll just sit back and watch, laughing. bring out popcorn and shit too cause he knows you’re entertaining lmfao 

fushiguro megumi 

honestly, you kinda scare him lmfao

not that he can’t approach you and talk to you, but in the sense that he feels like you’re a ticking time bomb and he’s afraid he’ll be the one to set it off 

but then he realizes you’re not actually like insane you’re just short-tempered 

over time he’s gotten really, really good at calming you down

like he’d been working on it ever since the two of you started dating, from finding your specific triggers and knowing your telltales and signs to being able to calm you down and help you work on losing your temper on minimal things 

it’s really comical to him how you can go from kissing all up on him and cooing at how pretty he is to having a screaming match with someone cause they bumped into you and didn’t apologize 

he never lets it escalate unlike gojō, and he won’t ever let it get to the point where it’s all or nothing. he stops you right from the start and makes you back away

in regards to fights with you, he actually gets really irritated with the way you respond to him, and he won’t speak you until you decide to calm down. he’s petty like that but honestly? it works. you’re immediately calm and ready to speak to him in a lower voice and with a calmer attitude

still he doesn’t try to change anything about you, and just as he loves all your appealing quips, he loves this part of you too, regardless

(plus he thinks you look really cute when angry hehe) 

ryomen sukuna 

he thinks he likes it 

he does not 

when he first witnessed your short temper, he got really cocky because he wasn’t on the receiving end. he was kind of proud of you in a way? and he felt really smug looking at the way the other person was really scared of you 

but then he did something small like it was probably unintentional too and you got so angry at him, and at first he was so confused then he got so angry with you??? like what the hell do you think you’re doing getting angry at me who tf are you??? 

which just angered you even more 

the both of you are like fire and fire

it’s really bad, like even worse, when the two of you get into arguments. they’re usually never ending too, and you’re both so stubborn and won’t admit if either one of you is in the wrong so you just fall asleep like that and the only way the argument ceases if when you two forget about it 

he still gets really smug when he sees you get angry at someone else, and even if your reaction is irrational, he won’t stop you from going to extremes, even if he knows you’ll end up regretting it later 

you’re entertaining can you blame him 

a lot of the times when you go to snap at him he just grabs your face from your like chin/jaw and just grips you tightly, warning you with a glare and a “don’t even start” 

you glare back but honestly you just shut up like it’s clearly not even worth it 

overtime he learns how to deal with you. like eventually he gets the hang of it, but earlier? he hated it, oh god. 

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons #gojō satoru x reader #satoru x reader #gojou x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #megumi x reader #fushiguro x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader

[euphoricsunflowers]

sub drop — monsta x

request: Hey so I'm not entirely sure if you accept reaction requests if not then a headcanon is fine I was wondering how a male reader would take care of sub monsta x during a sub drop possibly a mix of for some it's their first ever sub drop and for others it's not, tysm n ily!!

a/n: sorry this took forever 😭😭 i hope you like it :,)

word count: 1.8k

content: sub!monsta x, none are smutty :), sub drop obviously, use of a safeword (minhyuk’s part), aftercare, just general sub/dom things,

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son hyunwoo/shownu:

he can’t shake the feeling. he tries to just get over it, because while he obviously knows you care about him, he’s doesn’t want to let you know that anything is wrong. and he doesn’t even know what’s wrong with him.

it’s just that every time you’ve been holding him close, objectifying him in a way that he adores, making him feel like all he has to be is pretty to be worthy of praise, it doesn’t feel like it should. he’s so used to pressure, pressure, pressure. he’s used to high expectations, and he’s used to working hard because he can’t let people down. he’s always been adored, but with you, he doesn’t have to work for it.

and yet, it doesn’t have the same kick that it used to. he doesn’t get the high, airy, “in the clouds” feeling, at least not recently. he knows you can sense it, he’s a good actor but he’s not that good of an actor, and you can see it in his eyes. he’s getting uncomfortable and nervous.

“sweet bear,” you murmur as you wrap your arms around him, “what’s been going on with you? is everything alright?”

“i’m okay,” he responds blankly, but he holds you tightly like he doesn’t ever want to let you go, “i just haven’t been feeling great about… you know what recently.”

“ah, then that could be my fault. i need to take care of you better afterward. how about tonight we just relax, not as dominant and submissive, but just as lovers?”

“okay.”

lee hoseok/wonho:

you find him with tears on his cheeks as he cries silently. he either sobs unimaginably loud and buries himself into your arms for hours on end, or he’s quiet in your room with soft sniffles and hiccups heard from the other side of the door.

but he just lies there, crying. he looks so out of it, but in the worst way possible. he looks miserable, wallowing in the feelings that he’s silently submerged himself in hopes that you wouldn’t have to see him like this.

“hoseok, darling,” your words fill the room, and he’s suddenly so suffocated by all the darkness.

“please- i- please make it stop.”

you’re by his side in a second, “make what stop, baby?” he shakes his head, pulling you by your wrist onto the bed so you’re as close to him as possible as he cuddles and wraps himself around you like you’re a teddy bear, “sweetheart,” you say, running your fingers through his hair. he sighs comfortably with you close to him and playing with his hair always made him feel sleepy.

as the tears begin to stop, you lull him to sleep with little whispered nothings, “i love you, sweetheart. please let me know whenever you start to feel bad, okay? i want to be here for you.”

lee minhyuk:

it’s not like it never happens, but it’s still so unusual that it confuses him every time. it creeps up on him slowly until he’s lying beneath you, all dazed and under your control, with a sudden ache in his stomach. it’s anxiety and nervousness that he has no reason to be feeling, but he does.

he knows you wouldn’t want him to hide it, so he calls the safeword immediately, and the change in your expression and demeanor makes his heart swoon just a little bit. suddenly he’s free from the restraints and in your arms and you’re whispering sweet things to him, rubbing his chest to soothe the marks you’d left earlier.

“it's happening again,” he groans, “the thing we had talked about a while ago. when i started feeling bad all of a sudden.”

“ahh, okay. thanks for telling me, sweetheart,” you press a kiss to his forehead, “what i can do right now to help, besides the obvious aftercare stuff?”

“please just- tell me you didn’t mean the things you said to me.”

his plea makes your heart shatter just a bit, but you keep it together for his sake, “i meant none of it. you’re the most important and sweetest angel in my life, my darling sun. i could never mean it. you’re such a sweet soul, my perfect little vita-min,” he smiles softly, feeling so high and light, “i love you, min. don’t forget it.”

he's not mentally there enough to say it back, but you can feel it in the way he moves to hold your hand. you take it, and never let him go.

yoo kihyun:

kihyun is a good communicator… most of the time. he’s mostly gotten past the instinct to bury his feelings down and just deal with whatever’s happening because that had upset you in the past and he doesn’t like making you upset.

but he didn’t know how to verbalize these feelings that had slowly overtaken him. he’s never felt these paralyzing and hellish feelings before, they crept upon him, and the moment you were out that door, they hit him like a ton of bricks.

he wants to call out your name, he wants to cry, but he doesn’t. he can’t. he just lies there, swallowed up by the sheets as he suffocates on his own feelings.

“hey,” you whisper, catching his attention. he’s startled by your call, and you can see in his reaction and nervousness that he isn’t alright.

but he’s still kihyun, and this vulnerability he didn’t get to allow himself to show leaves him anxious, he doesn’t have a sense of control over his lack of control and it makes him uncomfortable.

“kihyun, baby, you’re alright,” you murmur as you kiss his forehead, “you’re okay. you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to, just tell me what you need. do you want me here with you? or would you rather me go sit in the other room?”

“with me,” he groans, offering up a spot on the bed next to him, “i want to hold you,” he says. he looks so small right now, especially because his fiery, intense, yet loving personality is just so big that you forget that he’s this fragile little thing sometimes. in that moment, all you felt like doing was holding him tightly and never letting go, protecting him from all the bad things and bad feelings.

but that wasn’t what he wanted. he’s still your kihyun, and this is his way of feeling better, “okay,” you say, “hold me close, will you?”

chae hyungwon:

hyungwon is naturally kind of embarrassed that he’s submissive to you. he hides it well, but he still asks that it not be brought up to any extent in conversation that involves other people. to the world, hyungwon is the one in control, and only behind closed doors does he fall to his knees for you.

but, still, that nervousness and shyness and anxiety eats away at him, makes him feel small and unconfident, and he starts to distance himself emotionally whenever he’s unhappy for any reason. you had done nothing wrong, but hyungwon still hasn’t found peace with the nature of your relationship.

it’s not that he’s deprived of what he wants, but being yours is what he wants, he just can’t stand for anyone else to know that.

and so these bad feelings manifest every now and then, but you and him are used to them. he gives himself a few hours to wallow in them, to truly feel them, and then he asks for a cute little date night as a reminder that your relationship is built off of love and not just dominance over him.

and of course, he requests that you sweet talk him the whole night, “i love you, wonnie. don’t ever believe otherwise, you hear me? you’re my perfect little butterfly, so tall and gorgeous and sweet and kind and loving and absolutely perfect. there’s nothing i don’t adore about you.”

it seems to do the trick.

lee jooheon:

he can’t tell when it happens, but you spot it every time. he becomes somewhat hostile towards you, of course, the feelings aren’t exactly what he wants to feel but he can’t help the amount to which he just becomes harsh and closed off.

but he still listens, still smiles faintly when you hold his hand, “jooheon, sweetheart, im sorry we’ve been neglecting your needs to the point where you feel this way, can you please just talk to me? can you tell me how you feel?”

“i- i don’t feel good. i don’t feel good about anything we do usually, and i’m stuck on why. i’m not hurt, you took care of me well after every session. and i’m just-”

he doesn’t finish his sentence, but you find the right words for him, “frustrated that you don’t understand your feelings?”

“yeah… yeah that’s about right. i’m not mad at you, i just- im mad that i don’t understand why i feel so bad right now.”

“joo, baby, this isn’t irrational or not normal. it’s completely fine to feel like this, and in fact, i’m glad you’re so in tune with your feelings that you’re really trying to understand and feel them completely. hiding them won’t do anything.”

“so- what do we do now?” he asks.

“whatever you want, my sweet bee. you come first tonight.”

im changkyun/i.m:

it had been days since the session, and yet the bad feelings wait to hit him when he’s making breakfast for himself, without you there. he’s not at home and won’t be for a while, and subsequently doesn’t have you there with him.

with the time difference that he forgot to take into account, you’re asleep when he calls. he tries to apologize heavily for waking you up, but since he woke you up, you’re not letting him hang up unless he tells you why he called.

“i didn’t feel well emotionally all of a sudden, and i just wanted to be with you,” he murmurs, and it shatters all of your tired little heart, “and this is the best i’ve got right now. i’m sorry for bothering you while you were asleep, my love.”

“don’t apologize for prioritizing your needs, kyun. do you want to talk?”

“not… really??”

“alright, then i’ll stay on the call with you. im gonna try to go back to sleep, but please let me know if you want to talk. no sleep is more important than my angel.”

—

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