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oh-katsuki · 3 months

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it's been a really long time since i wrote porn for porn's sake. here u go. it's alpha nanami :)) i don't have a title for it oops

cw: alpha!nanami, omega!reader, a/b/o, breeding, knotting, heat and rut cycles, dubcon on both sides, fingering, cohabitation, taboo, protective nanami, i feel like there is a slight primal kink in here, light dacryphilia,

wc: 3.1k

nanami didn't mean to take in a stray, but that's sort of how it happened. you're staying with him until a particularly careless friend helps to find a suitable living arrangement for you. nanami really isn't sure how it became his problem, but he'd feel awful if he'd told satoru no and left you without somewhere to go, no matter how against living with an omega he is.

frankly, nanami doesn't support the idea of alphas and omegas living together. he thinks it's a bit perverse. there's far too much at risk and the situation can become dangerous if it's the wrong pairing. sure, sometimes it works out. the better of his kind (of which he considers himself to be) give the necessary space and resist the temptation, but the others... take it too far. it'd be easier for you to live with a beta, and nanami wonders why satoru didn't first go to one of them. maybe your pheromones are weak and satoru isn't worried. that's probably why he hadn't noticed them when satoru first brought you by to ask if it'd be okay.

he knows that second gender is a spectrum. some alphas and omegas hardly emit any pheromones at all, even during heat and rut cycles. nanami thinks he likely falls into this category, seeing as he's never been particularly tempted by an omega and very few have ever been all too tempted by him, but it's a gamble. it's—frankly—unethical to ask this of him and though nanami knows that he should have said no, something in his good nature compelled him to say yes.

you've weak pheromones too, he thinks. he, of course, can feel them to a degree, but seeing as you mostly keep to yourself, it's hardly a problem in the first few weeks. frankly, the most tempting thing about you is that you're beautiful. you seem to have an almost standoffish air about you, proud and dignified, with a preference towards a more solitary and observant lifestyle. most of the day, the two of you hardly even see each other, going about your lives entirely separately only to settle into the same house for bed at night.

you don't say much when you're home. in fact, nanami would wonder if you could speak at all if it weren't for the conversations he hears you having on your phone and the little laughs or eyerolls you give in response to his comments. there's understanding there, but it's silent and you hardly ever dignify nanami's words or invitations with a response. maybe you're airing on the side of caution. he wouldn't blame you if you are. so, for the next two weeks the two of you coexist without so much as a hello between you both, silently sharing a space. you stay out of the way and nanami pretends that he isn't slightly unsettled by your constant proximity and the creeping feeling that you don't really like him all too much.

"they're a little difficult," says gojo over the phone. "kinda standoffish and really smart."

"so i've noticed," nanami responds. "i can't say i blame them though. you've put us in a weird spot."

"oh, nanamin, i know you well enough to know that you wouldn't lay a hand on them even if they begged," satoru laughs. "and they really might."

nanami grimaces at satoru's statement.

"i still don't understand why it had to be me," nanami says flatly. "you could have called ijichi. it'd probably be safer."

"how noble," satoru snickers, "but i trust you. hang in there a few more weeks. we've been working on securing an apartment for them and once we do, they'll be out of your hair. you're an angel for letting them stay." he sing-songs into the receiver. nanami holds it away from his ear.

"sure," he says. "it's not really much trouble... it's just.."

"that they're an omega. i get it. stay strong or whatever lol," satoru laughs. "unless of course, you really like them."

nanami huffs and hangs up the phone. satoru's got a good head on his shoulders, but he knew where that conversation was going. satoru was likely to say something about your heat cycle and nanami, being an optimist in cases like these, hopes silently that it won't come for another two weeks. he knows he could ask, but he worries about coming across as something of a creep. nanami is a little orthodox in the sense that he believes alphas and omegas should be separate for this reason exactly. suppressants exist but they don't always work and though nanami has sense about him, he's always had an insecurity about the kind of monster his second gender could make him. it sets him at ease a little that your pheromones appear as weak as they are.

you round the corner into the living room, standing just on the far end of the room. you're wearing pajamas, but you seem to feel no need to cover yourself or hide any perceived indecency. nanami glances at you, making a point to avoid looking at the shape of your body. it's inviting and you look at him for a moment with a small smile before raising one single eyebrow and letting out a low huff of air. nanami decides that you'd heard his conversation and he watches you shake your head as you move to the kitchen to peruse what he has. your hips, swaying slightly with each step, draw his attention to the curve of your ass and he feels ashamed for even having looked.

you're beautiful, that's certain. even the way you move is beautiful. nanami has eyes enough to see that. something stirs inside of you when he speaks, wordless recognition, maybe amusement or irritation, and vice versa. regardless, it's beautiful and nanami finds that the longer you're here the more he has to swallow it down.

you seem to get a little uncomfortable if nanami has people over, even for a moment. not that you've ever said anything about it, but you appear set on edge when he does so in the following weeks, it leads him to not bring anyone over at all. he can't bear the idea of making you uncomfortable. for as little as you've spoken to him since you've been here, nanami finds that he's grown rather fond of you. if things continue this way, he should hate it when you leave. admittedly though, he's looking forward to it a little. nanami feels that you're... a temptation. one he can't really seem to overcome.

one evening, you sit down in the living room with him. it draws his attention to look at you.

"i'm not mean, you know," you say flatly.

nanami is astounded to hear the cadence of your voice so clearly and without prompt. he can only offer a nod in return.

"i'm just picky," you continue, shifting in your seat as if you're made uncomfortable by the way you're sitting. "i have to be, being the way i am and all."

"i understand. i'm not offended," nanami says. "but some people would probably call that rude."

you smile at him, coy and delicate. "would you?"

"maybe," he offers. "if the circumstances were different."

nanami clears his throat, furrowing his eyebrows at your body language. something's off and he wonders if maybe your cycle has begun. he shifts on the couch and turns his full attention to you.

you move over to him and sit just adjacent to his leg. something in him stirs, primal and unrecognizable. you've never been this close and he only now notices that you smell nice, like something light and fresh.

nanami feels his chest stir. "this is the most you've ever said to me, i think."

"sorry," you say.

"don't be," he responds.

this conversation is awkward. it's loaded. it's like a conversation between two people who can't exchange more than a few words without experiencing intense sexual tension. he clears his throat.

"i need your help," you mumble, shifting closer. he knows what you're implying.

"i can't help you," nanami responds through gritted teeth.

"please," you say, standing slowly. you linger in front of him for a moment before reaching out and slowly straddling his legs. nanami flinches as you settle on him, pausing for a moment to breathe. "touch me."

you place your head against his shoulder, fingers grabbing his shirt as if you're agitated. the skin of your cheek is warm against his collarbone and he can feel your hair against his jaw. you twitch lightly when you touch him. carefully, he places a large hand on your head. your whole body flinches, unbelievable warmth soaking into his skin.

you feel like you have a fever and the next time you raise your head, your eyes have gone glassy, face darker. your lips are wet and lightly parted and a layer of sweat covers your forehead.

"not like that," you say, something needy creeping into your voice.

nanami, against his better judgement, rests his hands on your waist. you shudder under his touch and he slowly strokes the exposed skin of your sides with his fingers. trailing the pads of them against raised goosebumps on your skin. between your legs, he can feel heat. he knows you're wet and he knows what you want. nanami isn't sure he can give it to you, he's unsure that he should. it's not illegal, but he feels that it's wrong. something about it is fundamentally wrong and the situation goes against all of his morals. his mind still wanders.

you rest your forehead against his chest, and he feels your pheromones as they hit his nose and soak in through his skin. his body responds, tensing. your breath picks up, little heaves and pants, and you squirm down against him almost involuntarily. nanami feels himself grow hard. it surprises him and shames him. he feels heat rise to his cheeks at the realization that he's pressing up against the inside of your leg, something that makes you stir and settle directly over him. every exhale from you is a borderline whine and the syrupy smell of you grows more intense by the moment. nanami still runs his fingers along your sides, venturing over your tummy and back occasionally.

"just a little bit," you command, rubbing your cheek against him and then placing your mouth on the side of his neck and biting. "i'm sorry. just a little bit."

nanami winces and you drag your hips over him. his hands fly to yours, gripping hard enough as you make you whine.

"i can't," he grits out, speaking directly against the way his cock throbs against your core. he can feel it's dampness, a humidity that soaks through his pants.

"it hurts," you mutter and nanami feels an unpleasant stirring in his stomach. he hates the thought of you being uncomfortable.

"maybe we can find help-" you twitch over him, making him wince, "for you."

you shake your head, "you."

nanami exhales and tips his head back, his fingers still on your waist. he weighs the outcomes of this in his mind. he could push you off and fix you a blanket and a safe space, give you some tools to help yourself and then plug his ears and pretend he doesn't want to do it himself. he imagines the buzzing sound, the way you'd whimper from the other room over, still unfulfilled despite the aid. he thinks about your fingers between your legs, unsatisfying and only serving to worsen the itch. it makes him strangely jealous, nauseous almost, that you should be so uncomfortable in his presence.

you exhales against him and it's a near defeated sound. nanami's fingers buzz with adrenaline, his cock swelling and throbbing every time you so much as shift over him. there's a lack of control in this situation and his fingers move to comfort you almost against his will.

something natural and easy takes over as he slides a big hand down to the front of you and cups your cunt. it feels almost like an out of body experience, but both yours and nanami's humanity drips away slowly to make room for these primal actions. you shudder and nanami's chest swells with relief as he sees your expression. there's a need within him to care for you. it's protective, the same way he'd feel if you were in physical danger.

nanami moves his four fingers over you slowly, his breathing hitching as you push your body against him. he can feel your dampness soaking through your thin shorts and it isn't long before your relief gives way to more need.

"just this once, nanami," you breath against his neck. "please."

nanami's head is filled with something syrupy. probably you. it's probably a chemical reaction caused by you and he knows that any pheromones you're releasing are probably being released in equal amounts by him. they take up space in the room, crowding him so that all he can focus on is you, is the need between your legs that calls to him like song.

"okay," he gives in, pulling your panties to the side and dipping his fingers into you.

you shudder and let out a short cry, thighs trembling. he knows he won't be able to satisfy you like this, but he wants to try. nanami knows though that there is no such thing as nipping it in the bud with these sorts of things and as he begins to move his fingers inside of you with a beckoning motion, he feels himself slip farther away.

you're so wet, dripping down his fingers. your pussy clenches around them, begging for a knot, sucking the two digits up into you and then threatening to push them out. nanami has been with omegas before, but he's never felt himself slip away like this. his humanity leaves him in favor of something animal.

nanami shushes you quietly as he pulls his fingers from your body. you whine and squirm against him, pressing down and grinding against the bulge in his pants. he sucks in a sharp breath and quickly discard your bottoms, leaving you bare and exposed in his lap.

your cunt is sticky and shining, glistening with your wetness. he can smell it, the way you're probably fertile, and the perverse thought crosses his mind that maybe you deliberately avoided your suppressants so that he could do this to you. how out of character for him to think that.

for someone so proper, he makes quick work of pressing the head of his cock against your entrance. you push your body forward to try to take him in and nanami very quickly slides into you. you're tight and with the way your cunt makes him feel, he knows that the stretch must hurt you, but he can't seem to stop. he's so focused on quelling the ache within you, buried deep in that spot where his knot will inevitably catch.

you are barely capable of forming words now, dumb and deaf with your heat. any words of comfort nanami offers to you seem to go in one ear and out the other, but he offers them anyway. they're automatic and they come without his even needing to think about them. things about taking care of you, about knotting you the way you're begging him to, about making sure you're never alone when you have to do this. if he were in a better state of mind, he'd be mortified.

instead, he fucks his hips up into you, holding you by the waist against his throbbing cock. then, when that isn't enough, he lays you on your back on the couch and presses your knees to your chest so that he can go deeper. he needs to get deep enough to where his knot will catch, to be able to stay there to ensure it catches properly. he feels the way air leaves you with every fuck of his hips.

you raise your hand to touch his face, eyes glassed over and watering as gentle tears slip down your cheeks. a silent encouragement that pulls him from his thoughts back to you. nanami turns his head instinctively and kisses the palm of your hand. then, he takes your thumb into his mouth and bites down on the fleshly part at the base of it. he could draw blood if he wanted, but he doesn't. instead he takes your hand as it falls from his lips and kisses you plainly again on the palm before pinning it above your head.

"i'll take care of you," he grunts out and you nod deliriously.

nanami makes quick work of knotting you. he bullies his cock as far in as it will go, swelling and swelling until he sticks. you squirm as he does, gasps growing higher in pitch until you're silenced by the pressure deep in your abdomen. you cum around him, he thinks, pussy fluttering as it throbs around his knot. then, you exhale as the heat recedes into the background with this momentary relief.

nanami winces as he holds himself up over you, slowly returning to his head as the swell of pheromones recedes and leaves only the feeling of the space he takes up in your cunt.

you search his face for something, benevolence maybe, and nanami places a wide palm to your cheek.

"i'm sorry," he breathes as words find him again. "i didn't intend to-"

you shake your head, returning to yourself as well. "don't be, i wanted to."

nanami isn't really sure what to say and you wince under him as he settles his weight a little further, throbbing lightly at the mention.

"hold me," you ask and nanami obliges. he settles fully over you before lifting you so that you're straddling his lap again. you wince and nanami soothes you by gently stroking your face. it's automatic again, the urge to comfort you is well beyond his control.

something in you triggers something in him and it is two full days before either of you are lucid and well enough to separate. satoru calls him multiple times, but nanami ignores him, too preoccupied with his unexpected rut and keeping you comfortable. at present, he's well past the initial guilt and frankly, entirely hellbent on deciding that you should stay. so much for his practicality, nature won out in the end.

nanami doesn't really think he'll ever hear the end of this, especially not from satoru who, when he inevitably gets a hold of them, will tease so relentlessly that it might shock nanami and you back into your senses. he decides to hide out here with you for a little longer, filling the room with the scent of you both until it crowds out everything else. he likes the way you feel nestled up beside him, messy and breathing deeply as you sleep.

a tag for my friends @antizenin and @kentocidal bc they asked!!!

#nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #jjk x reader #nanami smut #nanami kento smut #tw: a/b/o #tw: breeding #tw: dubcon #i can't find my writing tag #also there are prob spelling mistakes in here i apologize #i apologize if this isnt very good

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luveline · 10 months

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Jade I’ve been WAITING and HOPING for you to ask about spider verse and/or Miguel requests. He is the epitome of grumpy love interest falls for sunshine reader, would you maybe write something where he’s like in the midst of being scary and intimidating and then when reader walks in he is trying to maintain that image in front of whoever else is there but she just like totally ignores it and basically exposes how soft he is?

Obviously feel free to take or leave whatever parts of that you like I just love grumpy x sunshine

SPOILERS FOR SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE BELOW

thank you for your request! for you my love, grumpy (lovesick) miguel x sunshine spidergirl!reader, 1.5k

Miguel spends a lot of time arguing with Peter B. Parker, or as you've so fondly nicknamed him, Sweatpants-Man. Well, Miguel spends a lot of time yelling at him. It stopped for a while; Peter B. Parker took some time away from the Spider Society, but eventually he returned with a brand new spider. A baby girl.

You linger at the door, startled to find him in company, but pleased when he isn't yelling as loudly as he could be. He looks desperately as though he wants to shout, and is holding back through sheer force of will, his eyes widened and his hair falling in unruly waves over his forehead, strands of it curled into his eyes.

Miguel is a worrier. It isn't his fault. He's a great man with responsibilities beyond his control, and he may not always react how he should, but he tries his best. You don't agree with everything he does, but you like him. You adore him. For all of his goodness, his bravery, and the smile he gives you when you're alone.

He's clearly troubled by something.

"I don't really see the harm, I won't tell him a thing," Peter B. Parker says.

"Why do you refuse to listen to me? No. End of discussion."

"I think we should reopen the discussion," Peter B. Parker says.

He and Miguel are friends, you think. They would have been best buddies by now if Peter could abide by Miguel's rules. Then again, you ignore the rules often and indiscriminately, and Miguel likes you.

He's scraping his hair out of his eyes now, a fierce glare fixed on Peter's face, and you have the urge to go in there and try to persuade him to give Peter whatever it is he's asking for. You're almost certain you could do it.

Not through your sheer mastery of the persuasive arts, though you have mastered them, but because Miguel O'Hara has a soft spot for you. He tries to hide it and you refuse to let him. You haven't tried to kiss him or anything (you secretly aren't that brave) but you run circles around him for fun, only letting him boss you around every now and then to keep things loose. You could be much meaner about the whole thing: what is so humiliating as falling for your lackadaisical subordinate? But you don't hold it against him, because he likely isn't finished falling yet, and because you really do like him.

You pull your mask off of your face and then your gloves, shoving them into a concealed pocket on your thigh.

"Miguel," you murmur, knowing he'll hear you no matter the volume, "what's wrong?"

Miguel doesn't glance your way.

Peter B. Parker's shoulders sag in relief at your appearance. "Thank god you're here," he says.

You hadn't realised Peter knew who you were. "I'm here," you repeat mildly.

"Tell Miguel that the risk involved with visiting Earth-1610 is super, duper small."

"Well, it is negligible," you murmur, though Peter's quest isn't your prerogative.

Miguel groans loud and unapologetically.

You stand near Miguel and look up at him. He's ridiculously tall. You’d have to crane your neck if you stood at his feet. You maintain some distance and look him over from a gentler incline, cataloguing the dark circles under his eyes for the hundredth time. They don't look too bad today, but you wish he'd get more rest.

He has a very fierce face, but you know how it softens when he laughs. It's hard to find his glaring intimidating when you've witnessed the white flash of sharp teeth as he smiles, the way his eyes light up and his eyebrows relax from their stern set when you bring him something to eat on late nights. It's almost always smothered as soon as it happens, but it does happen.

"The risk involved is not super small," he says, still not looking at you, "the risk involved is actually incredibly big, and it isn't worth it."

Peter puts his arms out just as Mayday drops from the rafters above. You huff a laugh at his coordination and Mayday starts to laugh, her knitted beanie drooping into her eyes.

"Hi, baby," you say softly, reaching out to hold her hand. She squeezes your fingers.

"It's worth the risk. Absolutely, it's worth the risk, and I would argue that me visiting would actually strengthen the state of the multiverse–"

"In what scenario–"

"–and, like, make your job easier." Peter stops Mayday from climbing up your shoulder.

"If there's one thing you've never done, Peter, it's make my job easier. I can't believe you're asking me again," Miguel says, taking a big breath, like he's going to pop.

You step away from Peter to catch Miguel's attention. When his eyes lock onto yours, you smile as fondly as you're able, the kind of smile you know he likes. Your eyes widen just a touch and your eyebrows rise, the corners of your mouth not quite dimpling. It's a smile that says all the same stuff you love to say aloud. Hi, handsome. What's got you so stressed today?

"Don't be like that, Miguel," Peter says.

You tilt your head to one side. "You don't look very well," you say.

"I'm fine." There's a thread of gentleness there, almost indistinguishable from his serious tone. "Or I would be, if Peter would listen to me for once."

"I'm listening, man, I just think you should see sense."

Miguel's face flickers like he wants to correct him, but he keeps getting caught on you. Nothing specific, just that his gaze lands on your face or your shoulder or your arm before he looks at Peter, and all the steam rushes out of him. He’s trying not to smile at you.

"I see sense," Miguel insists. It's like he wants to be angrier than he has, gritting his teeth weakly. "It's not feasible right now."

You smile at that. Right now. You're not sure he's ever said something that could lead to a compromise. You are sure that he hadn't meant to. Peter is understandably thrilled, hiding his own smile as he puts Mayday back into her carrier.

"Alright. Well, I've gotta take her home. But I'll see you both again soon," Peter threatens, wiggling his eyebrows. "Thank you," he adds, nodding at you.

You laugh as he leaves. Miguel is nowhere near as pleased.

"You did that on purpose," Miguel says.

"I did what on purpose?"

"Coming in here."

"Yeah, of course. I come to see you all the time on purpose. Did you think I was drifting in here on the breeze? That would be difficult, considering." You gesture to the entrance of his office, which is far from easily accessible.

Miguel looks at you, unimpressed, with his hands on his hips. You wonder what it would take to make him put his hands on yours.

"Don't even think about it," he says.

"About what, handsome?"

"You think I don't know what that look means?" He sounds fond rather than angry. It's a win.

"I bet you know, but I'm in the dark, so if you'd… illuminate it for me, that would be greatly appreciated."

He checks that no one's about to enter his office. You feel your heart jerk in your chest, and if his super senses are anything like the other Spider People, he can hear it.

"You really can't come in here when I'm trying to set people straight," he says.

"Why?" you ask. You could pout at him, but you think that might be too much.

"You know why." Somewhere between words he drifts closer, soundless, his face inching down toward yours with a surprising swiftness. "You know why," he repeats.

You lift your chin as much as you dare, which isn't much, but enough that your giggly confirmation fans over his lips, "Yes, I do."

He nudges you away, and it isn't without affection. His warm, big hand lingers on your shoulder, even as he says, "Go, go do something."

"Miguel, I came to see you."

"I know, and I have a meeting with Jess in a minute, so you can't be here. It'll undermine my authority."

"What will?" you ask, smiling, because you already know. His fondness for you.

"Go away. Come and see me later," he says.

You sigh and spin away from him. "I will, but not because you told me to!" you call, leaving the office with an awful sense of victory.

Miguel scrubs his face with his hands as you go. He's really not sure what he's going to do with you. His plan to hold you at arm’s length isn’t working anymore, and honestly? He doesn’t think he could stand it a minute longer. Thank whoever’s watching over him that you actually do as he asks for once and leave.

Miguel was one sweet smile away from kissing you up against the wall.

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vavandeveresfan · 3 months

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Holy shit, the New York Times is FINALLY interviewing and listening to detransistioners.

The tide is turning.

Opinion by Pamela Paul

As Kids, They Thought They Were Trans. They No Longer Do.

Feb. 2, 2024

Grace Powell was 12 or 13 when she discovered she could be a boy.

Growing up in a relatively conservative community in Grand Rapids, Mich., Powell, like many teenagers, didn’t feel comfortable in her own skin. She was unpopular and frequently bullied. Puberty made everything worse. She suffered from depression and was in and out of therapy.

“I felt so detached from my body, and the way it was developing felt hostile to me,” Powell told me. It was classic gender dysphoria, a feeling of discomfort with your sex.

Reading about transgender people online, Powell believed that the reason she didn’t feel comfortable in her body was that she was in the wrong body. Transitioning seemed like the obvious solution. The narrative she had heard and absorbed was that if you don’t transition, you’ll kill yourself.

At 17, desperate to begin hormone therapy, Powell broke the news to her parents. They sent her to a gender specialist to make sure she was serious. In the fall of her senior year of high school, she started cross-sex hormones. She had a double mastectomy the summer before college, then went off as a transgender man named Grayson to Sarah Lawrence College, where she was paired with a male roommate on a men’s floor. At 5-foot-3, she felt she came across as a very effeminate gay man.

At no point during her medical or surgical transition, Powell says, did anyone ask her about the reasons behind her gender dysphoria or her depression. At no point was she asked about her sexual orientation. And at no point was she asked about any previous trauma, and so neither the therapists nor the doctors ever learned that she’d been sexually abused as a child.

“I wish there had been more open conversations,” Powell, now 23 and detransitioned, told me. “But I was told there is one cure and one thing to do if this is your problem, and this will help you.”

Progressives often portray the heated debate over childhood transgender care as a clash between those who are trying to help growing numbers of children express what they believe their genders to be and conservative politicians who won’t let kids be themselves.

But right-wing demagogues are not the only ones who have inflamed this debate. Transgender activists have pushed their own ideological extremism, especially by pressing for a treatment orthodoxy that has faced increased scrutiny in recent years. Under that model of care, clinicians are expected to affirm a young person’s assertion of gender identity and even provide medical treatment before, or even without, exploring other possible sources of distress.

Many who think there needs to be a more cautious approach — including well-meaning liberal parents, doctors and people who have undergone gender transition and subsequently regretted their procedures — have been attacked as anti-trans and intimidated into silencing their concerns.

And while Donald Trump denounces “left-wing gender insanity” and many trans activists describe any opposition as transphobic, parents in America’s vast ideological middle can find little dispassionate discussion of the genuine risks or trade-offs involved in what proponents call gender-affirming care.

Powell’s story shows how easy it is for young people to get caught up by the pull of ideology in this atmosphere.

“What should be a medical and psychological issue has been morphed into a political one,” Powell lamented during our conversation. “It’s a mess.”

A New and Growing Group of Patients

Many transgender adults are happy with their transitions and, whether they began to transition as adults or adolescents, feel it was life changing, even lifesaving. The small but rapidly growing number of children who express gender dysphoria and who transition at an early age, according to clinicians, is a recent and more controversial phenomenon.

Laura Edwards-Leeper, the founding psychologist of the first pediatric gender clinic in the United States, said that when she started her practice in 2007, most of her patients had longstanding and deep-seated gender dysphoria. Transitioning clearly made sense for almost all of them, and any mental health issues they had were generally resolved through gender transition.

“But that is just not the case anymore,” she told me recently. While she doesn’t regret transitioning the earlier cohort of patients and opposes government bans on transgender medical care, she said, “As far as I can tell, there are no professional organizations who are stepping in to regulate what’s going on.”

Most of her patients now, she said, have no history of childhood gender dysphoria. Others refer to this phenomenon, with some controversy, as rapid onset gender dysphoria, in which adolescents, particularly tween and teenage girls, express gender dysphoria despite never having done so when they were younger. Frequently, they have mental health issues unrelated to gender. While professional associations say there is a lack of quality research on rapid onset gender dysphoria, several researchers have documented the phenomenon, and many health care providers have seen evidence of it in their practices.

“The population has changed drastically,” said Edwards-Leeper, a former head of the Child and Adolescent Committee for the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, the organization responsible for setting gender transition guidelines for medical professionals.

For these young people, she told me, “you have to take time to really assess what’s going on and hear the timeline and get the parents’ perspective in order to create an individualized treatment plan. Many providers are completely missing that step.”

Yet those health care professionals and scientists who do not think clinicians should automatically agree to a young person’s self-diagnosis are often afraid to speak out. A report commissioned by the National Health Service about Britain’s Tavistock gender clinic, which, until it was ordered to be shut down, was the country’s only health center dedicated to gender identity, noted that “primary and secondary care staff have told us that they feel under pressure to adopt an unquestioning affirmative approach and that this is at odds with the standard process of clinical assessment and diagnosis that they have been trained to undertake in all other clinical encounters.”

Of the dozens of students she’s trained as psychologists, Edwards-Leeper said, few still seem to be providing gender-related care. While her students have left the field for various reasons, “some have told me that they didn’t feel they could continue because of the pushback, the accusations of being transphobic, from being pro-assessment and wanting a more thorough process,” she said.

They have good reasons to be wary. Stephanie Winn, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Oregon, was trained in gender-affirming care and treated multiple transgender patients. But in 2020, after coming across detransition videos online, she began to doubt the gender-affirming model. In 2021 she spoke out in favor of approaching gender dysphoria in a more considered way, urging others in the field to pay attention to detransitioners, people who no longer consider themselves transgender after undergoing medical or surgical interventions. She has since been attacked by transgender activists. Some threatened to send complaints to her licensing board saying that she was trying to make trans kids change their minds through conversion therapy.

In April 2022, the Oregon Board of Licensed Professional Counselors and Therapists told Winn that she was under investigation. Her case was ultimately dismissed, but Winn no longer treats minors and practices only online, where many of her patients are worried parents of trans-identifying children.

“I don’t feel safe having a location where people can find me,” she said.

Detransitioners say that only conservative media outlets seem interested in telling their stories, which has left them open to attacks as hapless tools of the right, something that frustrated and dismayed every detransitioner I interviewed. These are people who were once the trans-identified kids that so many organizations say they’re trying to protect — but when they change their minds, they say, they feel abandoned.

Most parents and clinicians are simply trying to do what they think is best for the children involved. But parents with qualms about the current model of care are frustrated by what they see as a lack of options.

Parents told me it was a struggle to balance the desire to compassionately support a child with gender dysphoria while seeking the best psychological and medical care. Many believed their kids were gay or dealing with an array of complicated issues. But all said they felt compelled by gender clinicians, doctors, schools and social pressure to accede to their child’s declared gender identity even if they had serious doubts. They feared it would tear apart their family if they didn’t unquestioningly support social transition and medical treatment. All asked to speak anonymously, so desperate were they to maintain or repair any relationship with their children, some of whom were currently estranged.

Several of those who questioned their child’s self-diagnosis told me it had ruined their relationship. A few parents said simply, “I feel like I’ve lost my daughter.”

One mother described a meeting with 12 other parents in a support group for relatives of trans-identified youth where all of the participants described their children as autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. To all questions, the woman running the meeting replied, “Just let them transition.” The mother left in shock. How would hormones help a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression? she wondered.

Some parents have found refuge in anonymous online support groups. There, people share tips on finding caregivers who will explore the causes of their children’s distress or tend to their overall emotional and developmental health and well-being without automatically acceding to their children’s self-diagnosis.

Many parents of kids who consider themselves trans say their children were introduced to transgender influencers on YouTube or TikTok, a phenomenon intensified for some by the isolation and online cocoon of Covid. Others say their kids learned these ideas in the classroom, as early as elementary school, often in child-friendly ways through curriculums supplied by trans rights organizations, with concepts like the gender unicorn or the Genderbread person.

‘Do You Want a Dead Son or a Live Daughter?’

After Kathleen’s 15-year-old son, whom she described as an obsessive child, abruptly told his parents he was trans, the doctor who was going to assess whether he had A.D.H.D. referred him instead to someone who specialized in both A.D.H.D. and gender. Kathleen, who asked to be identified only by her first name to protect her son’s privacy, assumed that the specialist would do some kind of evaluation or assessment. That was not the case.

The meeting was brief and began on a shocking note. “In front of my son, the therapist said, ‘Do you want a dead son or a live daughter?’” Kathleen recounted.

Parents are routinely warned that to pursue any path outside of agreeing with a child’s self-declared gender identity is to put a gender dysphoric youth at risk for suicide, which feels to many people like emotional blackmail. Proponents of the gender-affirming model have cited studies showing an association between that standard of care and a lower risk of suicide. But those studies were found to have methodological flaws or have been deemed not entirely conclusive. A survey of studies on the psychological effects of cross-sex hormones, published three years ago in The Journal of the Endocrine Society, the professional organization for hormone specialists, found it “could not draw any conclusions about death by suicide.” In a letter to The Wall Street Journal last year, 21 experts from nine countries said that survey was one reason they believed there was “no reliable evidence to suggest that hormonal transition is an effective suicide prevention measure.”

Moreover, the incidence of suicidal thoughts and attempts among gender dysphoric youth is complicated by the high incidence of accompanying conditions, such as autism spectrum disorder. As one systematic overview put it, “Children with gender dysphoria often experience a range of psychiatric comorbidities, with a high prevalence of mood and anxiety disorders, trauma, eating disorders and autism spectrum conditions, suicidality and self-harm.”

But rather than being treated as patients who deserve unbiased professional help, children with gender dysphoria often become political pawns.

Conservative lawmakers are working to ban access to gender care for minors and occasionally for adults as well. On the other side, however, many medical and mental health practitioners feel their hands have been tied by activist pressure and organizational capture. They say that it has become difficult to practice responsible mental health care or medicine for these young people.

Pediatricians, psychologists and other clinicians who dissent from this orthodoxy, believing that it is not based on reliable evidence, feel frustrated by their professional organizations. The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics have wholeheartedly backed the gender-affirming model.

In 2021, Aaron Kimberly, a 50-year-old trans man and registered nurse, left the clinic in British Columbia where his job focused on the intake and assessment of gender-dysphoric youth. Kimberly received a comprehensive screening when he embarked on his own successful transition at age 33, which resolved the gender dysphoria he experienced from an early age.

But when the gender-affirming model was introduced at his clinic, he was instructed to support the initiation of hormone treatment for incoming patients regardless of whether they had complex mental problems, experiences with trauma or were otherwise “severely unwell,” Kimberly said. When he referred patients for further mental health care rather than immediate hormone treatment, he said he was accused of what they called gatekeeping and had to change jobs.

“I realized something had gone totally off the rails,” Kimberly, who subsequently founded the Gender Dysphoria Alliance and the L.G.B.T. Courage Coalition to advocate better gender care, told me.

Gay men and women often told me they fear that same-sex-attracted kids, especially effeminate boys and tomboy girls who are gender nonconforming, will be transitioned during a normal phase of childhood and before sexual maturation — and that gender ideology can mask and even abet homophobia.

As one detransitioned man, now in a gay relationship, put it, “I was a gay man pumped up to look like a woman and dated a lesbian who was pumped up to look like a man. If that’s not conversion therapy, I don’t know what is.”

“I transitioned because I didn’t want to be gay,” Kasey Emerick, a 23-year-old woman and detransitioner from Pennsylvania, told me. Raised in a conservative Christian church, she said, “I believed homosexuality was a sin.”

When she was 15, Emerick confessed her homosexuality to her mother. Her mother attributed her sexual orientation to trauma — Emerick’s father was convicted of raping and assaulting her repeatedly when she was between the ages of 4 and 7 — but after catching Emerick texting with another girl at age 16, she took away her phone. When Emerick melted down, her mother admitted her to a psychiatric hospital. While there, Emerick told herself, “If I was a boy, none of this would have happened.”

In May 2017, Emerick began searching “gender” online and encountered trans advocacy websites. After realizing she could “pick the other side,” she told her mother, “I’m sick of being called a dyke and not a real girl.” If she were a man, she’d be free to pursue relationships with women.

That September, she and her mother met with a licensed professional counselor for the first of two 90-minute consultations. She told the counselor that she had wished to be a Boy Scout rather than a Girl Scout. She said she didn’t like being gay or a butch lesbian. She also told the counselor that she had suffered from anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. The clinic recommended testosterone, which was prescribed by a nearby L.G.B.T.Q. health clinic. Shortly thereafter, she was also diagnosed with A.D.H.D. She developed panic attacks. At age 17, she was cleared for a double mastectomy.

“I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m having my breasts removed. I’m 17. I’m too young for this,’” she recalled. But she went ahead with the operation.

“Transition felt like a way to control something when I couldn’t control anything in my life,” Emerick explained. But after living as a trans man for five years, Emerick realized her mental health symptoms were only getting worse. In the fall of 2022, she came out as a detransitioner on Twitter and was immediately attacked. Transgender influencers told her she was bald and ugly. She received multiple threats.

“I thought my life was over,” she said. “I realized that I had lived a lie for over five years.”

Today Emerick’s voice, permanently altered by testosterone, is that of a man. When she tells people she’s a detransitioner, they ask when she plans to stop taking T and live as a woman. “I’ve been off it for a year,” she replies.

Once, after she recounted her story to a therapist, the therapist tried to reassure her. If it’s any consolation, the therapist remarked, “I would never have guessed that you were once a trans woman.” Emerick replied, “Wait, what sex do you think I am?”

To the trans activist dictum that children know their gender best, it is important to add something all parents know from experience: Children change their minds all the time. One mother told me that after her teenage son desisted — pulled back from a trans identity before any irreversible medical procedures — he explained, “I was just rebelling. I look at it like a subculture, like being goth.”

“The job of children and adolescents is to experiment and explore where they fit into the world, and a big part of that exploration, especially during adolescence, is around their sense of identity,” Sasha Ayad, a licensed professional counselor based in Phoenix, told me. ��Children at that age often present with a great deal of certainty and urgency about who they believe they are at the time and things they would like to do in order to enact that sense of identity.”

Ayad, a co-author of “When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents,” advises parents to be wary of the gender affirmation model. “We’ve always known that adolescents are particularly malleable in relationship to their peers and their social context and that exploration is often an attempt to navigate difficulties of that stage, such as puberty, coming to terms with the responsibilities and complications of young adulthood, romance and solidifying their sexual orientation,” she told me. For providing this kind of exploratory approach in her own practice with gender dysphoric youth, Ayad has had her license challenged twice, both times by adults who were not her patients. Both times, the charges were dismissed.

Studies show that around eight in 10 cases of childhood gender dysphoria resolve themselves by puberty and 30 percent of people on hormone therapy discontinue its use within four years, though the effects, including infertility, are often irreversible.

Proponents of early social transition and medical interventions for gender dysphoric youth cite a 2022 study showing that 98 percent of children who took both puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones continued treatment for short periods, and another study that tracked 317 children who socially transitioned between the ages of 3 and 12, which found that 94 percent of them still identified as transgender five years later. But such early interventions may cement children’s self-conceptions without giving them time to think or sexually mature.

‘The Process of Transition Didn’t Make Me Feel Better’

At the end of her freshman year of college, Grace Powell, horrifically depressed, began dissociating, feeling detached from her body and from reality, which had never happened to her before. Ultimately, she said, “the process of transition didn’t make me feel better. It magnified what I found was wrong with myself.”

“I expected it to change everything, but I was just me, with a slightly deeper voice,” she added. “It took me two years to start detransitioning and living as Grace again.”

She tried in vain to find a therapist who would treat her underlying issues, but they kept asking her: How do you want to be seen? Do you want to be nonbinary? Powell wanted to talk about her trauma, not her identity or her gender presentation. She ended up getting online therapy from a former employee of the Tavistock clinic in Britain. This therapist, a woman who has broken from the gender-affirming model, talked Grace through what she sees as her failure to launch and her efforts to reset. The therapist asked questions like: Who is Grace? What do you want from your life? For the first time, Powell felt someone was seeing and helping her as a person, not simply looking to slot her into an identity category.

Many detransitioners say they face ostracism and silencing because of the toxic politics around transgender issues.

“It is extraordinarily frustrating to feel that something I am is inherently political,” Powell told me. “I’ve been accused multiple times that I’m some right-winger who’s making a fake narrative to discredit transgender people, which is just crazy.”

While she believes there are people who benefit from transitioning, “I wish more people would understand that there’s not a one-size-fits-all solution,” she said. “I wish we could have that conversation.”

In a recent study in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, about 40 young detransitioners out of 78 surveyed said they had suffered from rapid onset gender dysphoria. Trans activists have fought hard to suppress any discussion of rapid onset gender dysphoria, despite evidence that the condition is real. In its guide for journalists, the activist organization GLAAD warns the media against using the term, as it is not “a formal condition or diagnosis.” Human Rights Campaign, another activist group, calls it “a right-wing theory.” A group of professional organizations put out a statement urging clinicians to eliminate the term from use.

Nobody knows how many young people desist after social, medical or surgical transitions. Trans activists often cite low regret rates for gender transition, along with low figures for detransition. But those studies, which often rely on self-reported cases to gender clinics, likely understate the actual numbers. None of the seven detransitioners I interviewed, for instance, even considered reporting back to the gender clinics that prescribed them medication they now consider to have been a mistake. Nor did they know any other detransitioners who had done so.

As Americans furiously debate the basis of transgender care, a number of advances in understanding have taken place in Europe, where the early Dutch studies that became the underpinning of gender-affirming care have been broadly questioned and criticized. Unlike some of the current population of gender dysphoric youth, the Dutch study participants had no serious psychological conditions. Those studies were riddled with methodological flaws and weaknesses. There was no evidence that any intervention was lifesaving. There was no long-term follow-up with any of the study’s 55 participants or the 15 who dropped out. A British effort to replicate the study said that it “identified no changes in psychological function” and that more studies were needed.

In countries like Sweden, Norway, France, the Netherlands and Britain — long considered exemplars of gender progress — medical professionals have recognized that early research on medical interventions for childhood gender dysphoria was either faulty or incomplete. Last month, the World Health Organization, in explaining why it is developing “a guideline on the health of trans and gender diverse people,” said it will cover only adults because “the evidence base for children and adolescents is limited and variable regarding the longer-term outcomes of gender-affirming care for children and adolescents.”

But in America, and Canada, the results of those widely criticized Dutch studies are falsely presented to the public as settled science.

Other countries have recently halted or limited the medical and surgical treatment of gender dysphoric youth, pending further study. Britain’s Tavistock clinic was ordered to be shut down next month, after a National Health Service-commissioned investigation found deficiencies in service and “a lack of consensus and open discussion about the nature of gender dysphoria and therefore about the appropriate clinical response.”

Meanwhile, the American medical establishment has hunkered down, stuck in an outdated model of gender affirmation. The American Academy of Pediatrics only recently agreed to conduct more research in response to yearslong efforts by dissenting experts, including Dr. Julia Mason, a self-described “bleeding-heart liberal.”

The larger threat to transgender people comes from Republicans who wish to deny them rights and protections. But the doctrinal rigidity of the progressive wing of the Democratic Party is disappointing, frustrating and counterproductive.

“I was always a liberal Democrat,” one woman whose son desisted after social transition and hormone therapy told me. “Now I feel politically homeless.”

She noted that the Biden administration has “unequivocally” supported gender-affirming care for minors, in cases in which it deems it “medically appropriate and necessary.” Rachel Levine, the assistant secretary for health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, told NPR in 2022 that “there is no argument among medical professionals — pediatricians, pediatric endocrinologists, adolescent medicine physicians, adolescent psychiatrists, psychologists, et cetera — about the value and the importance of gender-affirming care.”

Of course, politics should not influence medical practice, whether the issue is birth control, abortion or gender medicine. But unfortunately, politics has gotten in the way of progress. Last year The Economist published a thorough investigation into America’s approach to gender medicine. Zanny Minton Beddoes, the editor, put the issue into political context. “If you look internationally at countries in Europe, the U.K. included, their medical establishments are much more concerned,” Beddoes told Vanity Fair. “But here — in part because this has become wrapped up in the culture wars where you have, you know, crazy extremes from the Republican right — if you want to be an upstanding liberal, you feel like you can’t say anything.”

Some people are trying to open up that dialogue, or at least provide outlets for kids and families to seek a more therapeutic approach to gender dysphoria.

Paul Garcia-Ryan is a psychotherapist in New York who cares for kids and families seeking holistic, exploratory care for gender dysphoria. He is also a detransitioner who from ages 15 to 30 fully believed he was a woman.

Garcia-Ryan is gay, but as a boy, he said, “it was much less threatening to my psyche to think that I was a straight girl born into the wrong body — that I had a medical condition that could be tended to.” When he visited a clinic at 15, the clinician immediately affirmed he was female, and rather than explore the reasons for his mental distress, simply confirmed Garcia-Ryan’s belief that he was not meant to be a man.

Once in college, he began medically transitioning and eventually had surgery on his genitals. Severe medical complications from both the surgery and hormone medication led him to reconsider what he had done, and to detransition. He also reconsidered the basis of gender affirmation, which, as a licensed clinical social worker at a gender clinic, he had been trained in and provided to clients.

“You’re made to believe these slogans,” he said. “Evidence-based, lifesaving care, safe and effective, medically necessary, the science is settled — and none of that is evidence based.”

Garcia-Ryan, 32, is now the board president of Therapy First, an organization that supports therapists who do not agree with the gender affirmation model. He thinks transition can help some people manage the symptoms of gender dysphoria but no longer believes anyone under 25 should socially, medically or surgically transition without exploratory psychotherapy first.

“When a professional affirms a gender identity for a younger person, what they are doing is implementing a psychological intervention that narrows a person’s sense of self and closes off their options for considering what’s possible for them,” Garcia-Ryan told me.

Instead of promoting unproven treatments for children, which surveys show many Americans are uncomfortable with, transgender activists would be more effective if they focused on a shared agenda. Most Americans across the political spectrum can agree on the need for legal protections for transgender adults. They would also probably support additional research on the needs of young people reporting gender dysphoria so that kids could get the best treatment possible.

A shift in this direction would model tolerance and acceptance. It would prioritize compassion over demonization. It would require rising above culture-war politics and returning to reason. It would be the most humane path forward. And it would be the right thing to do.

*~*~*~*~*~*

For those who want tor ead more by those fighting the cancellation forquestioning, read:

Graham Lineham, who's been fighting since the beginning and paid the price, but is not seeing things turn around.

The Glinner Update, Grahan Linehan's Substack.

Kellie-Jay Keen @ThePosieParker, who's been physically attacked for organizing events for women demanding women-only spaces.

REDUXX, Feminst news & opinion.

Gays Against Groomers @againstgrmrs, A nonprofit of gay people and others within the community against the sexualization, indoctrination and medicalization of children under the guise of "LGBTQIA+"

#detransitioners #detransition #gender critical #New York Times #gays #lesbians #trans #trans insanity #long post #article #detrans #transgender #post trans #desisted

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hopelesslyromanticshark · 1 month

Note

Can you write hcs for Luke and a daughter of Hypnos (😴)

PLEASE

🥰

(If possible?)

⋆⭒˚.⋆ luke castellan x daughter of hypno! reader hcs

content: luke castellan x daughter of hypno! reader hcs warning: so soft you'll puke tho tbh minor mentions of luke's angst author's note: why do i love this more than life itself???? i dunno, you tell me. i kinda wish it was longer but yo girl outta ideas. also, i think im so fucking funny for that last line like hello guys where is my oscar for funniest teen girl to exist????

lukey pookie and his sleepy girl frrrrr

you guys were, like, aware of each other but not like friends, ya know???

until his quest - well, failed quest

he kept having nightmares, horrors of the shame on his father's face, visions of his mother hearing the news had he actually died, terrible dreams of demented dragons and enough golden apples to drown in

chris noticed and suggest luke go see you, hypno's best daughter

chris knew you following a head injury that had him scared he was going to fall into a coma, but the apollo cabin had called you over to sooth his nerves.

you were also often called in when new, younger campers were struggling to sleep, which made the a common but distant face in the hermes cabin

and chris just knew you could do wonders for luke's recent sleep problems

after a little bit of resistance, luke finally went to you

he'd had the worst nightmare yet, leaving him with huge bags under his eyes and a tension in his shoulders that he couldn't seem to loose

he figured it quite literally couldn't get any worse, so he knocked on the door of cabin fifteen, already feeling slightly more at peace from just standing outside it

then a pretty girl opened the door, a cute yawn hidden behind her hand

"h-hey! luke, right? what can i do for ya?" you muttered, rubbing the sleep from your eyes before beaming a soft smile at the boy

luke choked on nothing, attempting to get words out but his tongue kept getting in the way and all that came out was chortled noises

you giggled softly, unable to keep them in despite the boys growing blush

"i-i- chris, he said- er, something about you being able to help me sleep with you- sorry! no, sleep, just, you know, in general," luke finally managed to spit out, his brain working overtime and the words coming out all wrong

you giggled at the boy once more before leaning forwards and grasping his wrist, tugging him into your cabin

you gestured towards one of the free, fluffy beds, disappearing off to somewhere, though you kept talking to the boy

"chris is really worried about you, ya know. i almost had to visit you, which we don't do very often. here, you want some tea?? lavender or chamomile? i prefer the chamomile but i think you'd like the lavender," you rambled, sitting beside him in the bed criss cross and presenting him with a mug and holding up two separate tea bags

"chamomile's fine," luke replied, taking the teabag from you, not wanting to mention that it reminded him of his mom but it reminded him of his mom

"chamomile's great!" you joked, bumping your shoulder with his

a few minutes passed of just luke drinking the tea and yawning before you mentioned that he should lie down, removing the mug from his hands

he was resistant, admittedly, not wanting to risk seeing more horrible things in his head

but you took his hand into yours, gently running your fingers along the veins and bones that you could just feel through his skin

"you think i'm just here for shits and giggles?? nah, i'm here to fistfight the boogie man. and lemme tell ya, these fists are lethal," you joke, winking at the boy, who laughed, settling into the soft pillows and blanket

but most importantly, he was settling into your presence, the hold you had on his hand, the soothing that your voice did to his brain and heart

and luke fell asleep, peacefully drifting off to the sounds of your hums and the feeling of your soft fingers ghosting over his skin

for the first time in a long while, luke castellan slept like a baby, warm and coddled and trusting that nothing bad could happen to him

not with the defender of REM cycle there

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #pjo #pjo fandom #percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan

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dilfl0v3rss · 8 months

Note

Choso punishing y/n for acting out/ talking back to him ?? 😝

YETH😩

even though choso was on the quieter side and didn’t really like to go out he always found himself outside all the time with you. whether it be a shopping spree or a cute little date, choso was outside much more then he used to be before he met you. today you had dragged him out of the house once again to do something the both of you enjoyed.

“okay you can open your eyes now” excitement ran through your bones as you posed in the fitting room for your boyfriend. the pretty shirt and crop top sitting nicely on your body as choso gave you a bored thumbs up from his seat. “look beautiful mama” though his expression was dull, you could tell he truly meant his words given the small raise of his eyebrow. “why thank you” you said before turning around to try on something else. as you dug through the clothes you had hung up you tried your best not to reveal the little scandalous outfit you snuck into your pile. since choso never really payed attention to what you got, you knew he wouldn’t notice it on the checkout table, but you didn’t want to risk leaving it on the rack since there was only one left.

as you looked for your next outfit to try choso, being the observant man he is, noticed the fishnet dress in the back of the other clothes. his curiosity got the best of him when he stood to inspect it himself. as he grabbed the fabric he noticed that the dress was completely see through, the little holes leaving no room for the imagination as he seen the paint of the white wall right through them. “try this” he mumbled, handing the dress to you before sitting back down. you excitedly took the dress. ‘maybe he’ll like it too’ you thought as you quickly changed out of the previous outfit to get it on. choso watched you quietly, his dick already hardening as he watched all your dips and curves settle in the fabric.

you looked absolutely beautiful, but also very very slutty. choso loved it, hoping you were planning on getting it for your home activities. he realized how wrong he was when you spoke. “you like it? i was thinking of wearing it to this party i got invited to saturday” his face dropped at your words, annoyance heard i’m his voice as he completely cut off your sentences with a wave of his hand. “y’thought wrong, must be crazy if you think i’m okay wit you wearing that” choso mumbled, his anger already growing at the disrespectful suck of your teeth you decided to give him. you rolled your eyes, continuing to look at yourself in one of the mirrors as if you weren’t bothered by him at all. “well ion care what you okay wit, you not the boss of me nigga”

choso’s eyes widened at your boldness, a small smirk threatening to show as he slowly got up from the small bench in the fitting room. “m’not?” he asked, his deep voice already making your thighs clench together. some of his strands of hair began to fall from his bun while he looked down at you. it was almost impossible for you not to be turned on, his broad chest in your face as choso stood in his tight white tee and black sweats, concords on his feet giving him an even taller look. his teeth were bare to you, his smirk winning over control of his face as he lowered his lips to your ear. “let’s see then”

given the shy, quiet nature your boyfriend had you thought he’d quietly walk you out the store and deal with you at home. what you didn’t know was that he was getting a little tired of waiting and decided today would be the day he did the unthinkable. you were bent over in front of the mirror, his big, inked hand covering your mouth as choso brutally fucked you from behind. all that could be heard was the calm music in the store and your muffled cries since choso thought it’d be more convenient if he freed himself from the small opening in his boxers to keep from suspicious slapping noises being heard in the back.

“ima ask you again ma…who’s in charge?” as he asked you the question choso angled his dick down towards your g spot, fucking you even harder as he watched your eyes roll back in the mirror. his other hand moved from you waist to your hair, pulling your head back so you can get a good look at what was being done to you. “ion care if you can’t talk i just need you t’look at him. look at the one in charge mama” your eyes began to refocus, instantly moving to the dark ones belonging to the muscular man behind you. a light smirk instantly moved to his lips, his eyebrow raising in faux surprise as he quickened the pace of his strokes.

“oh really now? could’ve swore you were saying it was someone else. maybe we should have them come fuck you and take care of you huh?” choso began to pull out of you, acting as if he would let you go. he couldn’t help but chuckle at how desperate you became, a pleading look in your eyes as you shook your head at him, walls tightening around his dick as your pussy tried to suck him back in. choso slowly moved his hand from your mouth to which you immediately opened your mouth and spoke. “no papa i was just playinnn. ima listen okay, you wonnn” you whined, pushing yourself back on his dick as you tried to fuck yourself the way he does it.

“i won?” he teased, slowly pushing himself deeper into you to make your eyes roll. “y-yesss you won daddy” choso chuckled, placing his hand back over your mouth before picking back up to the quick brutal pace he had earlier. your screams going right into his hand as you felt your arousal begin to trickle down your thighs.

“that’s what i thought”

#choso x black y/n #choso x black reader #choso x black!reader #choso smut #jjk choso x black fem!reader #jjk choso x black!reader #jjk choso x black y/n #jjk choso smut #jjk x black!reader #jjk x black reader #jjk x black!fem reader #jjk x black y/n #choso x black fem!reader

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periwinkla · 1 month

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I think what I love the most about AA is that characters have a duality to them that I don't see often in media. They have actual flaws and do actual bad things, and it's not glossed over. Phoenix is a fundamentally good person, he helps people at the drop of a hat, risks his life for them. Has a penchant for taking strays under his wing. He believes in people... but also not really. He carries a literal lie detector with him at all times, and only employs people who can also peer into other people's hearts. So is he really that trusting? Sure he trusts his clients are innocent, but he doesn't trust they will tell him the truth at all (there's always something to lie about). He believes himself naive, and that's why he works extra hard not to be. Some people think he changed with his disbarment but I feel like when he actually changed was after Dahlia. He became less and less trusting as time went on. And Phoenix actually does forge evidence and risks his subordinate's career, and he says pretty nasty things sometimes (that one time to Edgeworth had got to hurt, badly, especially if you consider that the note could have been genuine at first, which we don't know for sure), has a pretty tactless and somewhat hurtful sense of humor, brings his daughter to cheat at poker, and doesn't tell said daughter she actually has some family left alive. He's secretive, elusive and cryptic, and masks it under a false pretence of goofiness. Miles is, by contrast, very easy to read. He may appear emotionally stunted but is one of the more emphathetic characters. He realizes when he's wrong and immediately needs to correct those wrongs. He grows uneasy and uncertain and eventually recognizes when he's mistaken. By the end of it he begins to help people naturally, without even thinking about it as much as he would have in the past. He helps so many people, he has basically got Phoenix's savior complex 2.0 but the healthy kind where he doesn't jump off a bridge. But... he was also actually cruel, and did send innocent people to their graves (was he really so naive to believe whichever defendant came his way was guilty?). He feigned his death disregarding other people's feelings, and while you could say he had no obligation towards Phoenix (apart from basic decency and respect towards someone who had turned his life around to save him), he still abandoned Franziska, who was still just a kid and had just discovered her father was a psychopath. She probably thought, at some point, that the apple didn't fall that far from the tree. That's it's somehow her fault as well. He may be rude and antagonistic, frank to a fault. Isn't afraid of telling stuff to your face. But he also cares about the people he loves so much, to the point he doesn't hesitate to risk his career and break the law multiple times. He may appear a pessimist but he's pretty idealistic at heart, it's quite funny that his favourite show is about an hero of justice, isn't it? Godot is... well, we don't know much about it from before his coma, but he definitely shared Mia's sentiments for helping people in their hour of need. But when he wakes from a 6-year coma he's so broken that he just pins the blame on the most absurd person to blame it on, settles on a complicated plan, and also prosecutes on that particular murder he should just confess upon. Iris was sweet, innocent, self-sacrificing. She knew absolutely nothing about the world apart from what Bikini or her sister told her. She was naive and falsely thought she could fix everything, that her sister was salvageable, that she could save Phoenix. But she still ended up lying to the person she loved and abetting a murder. That's why I love these characters so much. They're interesting and their stories make sense. People don't remain unchanged from what happens to them. People are multi-faceted and complex. You can't sum them up in a bunch of characteristics and aspect them to act on every single one of them, always, consistently. Sometimes people break. They make mistakes they regret, ...and some they don't.

#ace attorney #musings #aa musings

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happy-little-worker · 1 year

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Ain’t nobody gonna see this but I have theory of the Calamari Inkantation. Splatoon 3 Spoilers.

Okay so I was listening to Wave Goodbye, the Splatoon 3 Credits Song, over and over like a normal person, when at some point I realized when they get to the portion that starts the Calamari Inkantation lyrics, there are non-filtered voices singing. Humans Voices. (Pictured is around the point where that section starts)

Then I thought to myself: What if the Calamari Inkantation originated as a song humans made on Alterna? A song to help them continue despite their world falling around them. Then I started looking into the logs and reflecting on past events with the song and..

Let’s just say Sunken Scroll #23 from Splatoon 1 saying: “Nowadays, this song and dance may as well be carved into the very DNA of all Inklings.” ..might be a tiny bit more literal than expected. Let’s take a look at what we know.

The Calamari Inkantation is a literal incantation. Series of words, or a song in this case, that causes magical effects. It has, in many cases, been known to give strength, physical or otherwise, to those who have been in audible range of it. Ex. Giving Cuttlefish the strength to break out of his restraints and Smallfry to temporarily evolve(?) into Hugefry.

With that said, I believe the “Calamari” part could be from the place it was “founded” in and taken on as a traditional song for. Calamari Country. Which is where Callie and Marie come from. Perhaps the Inklings of the area long ago found the sheet music.

Moving on, the part of this that helps this theory’s case is Alterna Log005: Fresh Intelligence Awakens.

After the liquid crystals that retained decades of humanity’s wishes was absorbed by the squids, octopuses, and other sea creatures that inhabited Alterna’s waters.. it imbued them with fresh impulses that “bore a striking resembling to humanity’s passive desire to return to the Earth’s surface”.

Interesting. The desire to return to the surface was slowly fused into their DNA. You may be thinking “But what does this have to do with the Inkantation?” And that’s exactly where I’m going with this.

So if we are to think.. the Calamari Inkantation was made by the humans on Alterna, perhaps filled lyrically with their wishes.. and the sea creatures absorbed the desire and wishes of humanity to return to the surface through the liquid crystals.. and the Calamari Inkantation gives sea creatures the literal strength to move forward..

And the INKADIA-BORN OCTOLINGS, who were SUFFERING in poor conditions UNDERGROUND in DOMES heard the CALAMARI INKANTATION and suddenly their “SOULS WERE FREED” and THE DESIRE TO RETURN TO THE SURFACE AND THRIVE WAS EVOKED INTO THEM AGAIN?

AFTER YEARS OF LIVING A HARD MILITARISTIC-STYLE LIFE WITH BEING INDUCTED INTO THE ARMY AT A YOUNG AGE, THEY FOUND THE STRENGTH TO LEAVE THEIR ENTIRE OLD LIFE BEHIND? TO RISK IT ALL. EVEN THEIR OWN LIFE. TO JOIN WHAT THEY WERE PRESUMED TO BE THEIR WORST ENEMIES ON THE SURFACE IN HARMONY?

After thinking about all this and rewatching the Octo Expansion Surface Cutscene (from that last GIF), I nearly wanted to CRY. They had never seen the real sky before, the real SUN before. They made it. Not only the Octolings but humanity’s final wishes made it too.

That’s my theory. Perhaps I’m wrong but either way I would love to see what people think. Thanks for reading.

Oh and also, since it named the “Inkantation” that means someone knew of its power... This just in, did the Inklings cheat in the Great Turf War?

But that’s for another day lol

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venusgirltarot · 5 months

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Your Idea of Them vs. What They’re Really Like

☆ ミ book a reading with me ☆彡

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Pile 1 — [♡];

The energy here isn’t what I was expecting, Pile One. I think it’s something you really need to hear, though. I think you know what this person is really like and I think that’s why you’ve decided to walk away from them. For some of you, you’ve already done this and for others I think you’re still thinking about it. For those of you that have, you may be thinking about going back or maybe there’s just a small part of you that wonders if you made the right decision but please trust yourself and know that you did. If you have fully made the decision to walk away yet, know that it’s the right decision.

You may have been in a long term relationship with this person and are just now seeing a different side to this person. I keep hearing 3 or 4 years? They may have just started acting easily irritable, careless, not as loving as they once were. You no longer felt safe, loved, and appreciated with this person. Maybe something happened in their life or something with their family caused some sort of change or shift within them? I’m not completely sure.

If you no longer feel happy or safe in a connection then please don’t stick around in hopes of change. Accept nothing less than what you deserve and let go of what is no longer serving you. Some of you may have children with this person or maybe you have children of your own or something. Only take that if it resonates. Those of you who have not left yet may be nervous about the outcome of leaving or wondering if it’s the right decision, please trust what your intuition is telling you and walk away if that is what your intuition is saying. You will flourish outside of this connection and things will get so much better for you. Its going to be okay. You have far more strength and independence within you than you realize and you are capable of far more than you think you are.

I hope you’re doing well, Pile One and if no one else has told you today, please know that I am proud of you. ❤️

Pile 2 — [♡];

Pile Two, I don’t think your person really expected you. I’m having a hard time finding how you view them because I feel their energy so strongly. They hold a space for you but I think they try to avoid or deny that space if that makes sense. I’m having a hard time explaining it. Their feelings/emotions are so conflicting. It’s like there’s potential for them to fall deeply in love with you but they’re fighting it so hard. I’m not sure why though because they know you wouldn’t hurt them. They have such a soft spot for you.

They may have had an idea of what their life was supposed to look like and what their next step was but you came along and kind of changed things for them and they don’t know if they want that. I heard “if only I had a little more time” they may have wanted to be at a different place in their life when you came along and they worry this will become a “right person wrong time” sort of situation. They may also cuss a lot because I’m hearing lots of that. “I need to get my shit together” and “I fucked up in a bad way”. There was a point in the reading where I was crying because I was so emotional.

You don’t really need this person and maybe that’s what scares them. You have options and may come off as very independent and confident in yourself. I heard “this could hurt me more than it could hurt you” they seem to think they have more at risk here for some reason. You have a parental/motherly energy that they love about you. You’re empathetic and caring. You care for them but maybe more in a subtle way. You’re not overbearing in the way you check up on them. You may be sort of sassy/quick witted and they really like that, as well. I wonder if they don’t fantasize about long term commitment and children with you. Very rarely or maybe even just once but it may have crossed their mind. They’re afraid to let themselves open up or get close to you because they know the way you’d treat them and care for them when you really got to know the real them would make them fall deeply in love with you and they don’t want that. They’re fighting their feels very hard, Pile Two.

I hope that this person gets it together and opens up to you, Pile Two but I can’t promise that they will. Don’t wait around if you don’t feel that’s what you want to do. I can’t give you a timeline or promise that this person will come forward so you will really have to follow your own intuition here. I truly hope it works out in your favor, Pile Two.

Pile 3 — [♡];

I think there’s a more serious side of this person that they don’t want you to see. To you, they like to come off as well established and sure of themselves. They carry a lot of weight on their shoulders and could become easily stressed with work related stuff. They may be some sort of boss of CEO. For some of you, this may be someone that’s very successful and financially well off.

You help them a lot with this stress without realizing it. You’re like a safe haven to them. You don’t see them as a boss or someone with all the answers and you’re not dependent on them in any way. They can just enjoy their time with you and you have no expectations of them. They really appreciate you and your energy.

This feels like a newer connection. You’re still getting to know each other but could be starting to see each other more seriously and wanting to groin and establish something more serious with one another. I think they’ll share all of this with you when the time is right because they do want more with you and see you as someone they want to be with long term.

Your person has a very mature energy. They could be older than you. They’re very intelligent and well establish but they may be a little too hard in themselves quite often.

#tarotblr #free tarot readings #free readings #tarot cards #tarot reader #tarot related #pac reading #tarot requests #collective reading #spirituality #pick a card #tarot pick a pile #pick a picture #love reading #self love reading #tarot #tarot reading #spiritguides #pick a pile

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sensitive-neuvi-enthusiast · 6 months

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I Thought I Lost You

♡♡-Request: Mermaid!reader wears a pendant to breathe on land. You go on a date with your boyfriend Neuvillette; what could go wrong?

Content: hurt/comfort, mermaid!reader, gn!reader, near death experience.

It was strange. To one day care so much for someone that you'd risk your life. Before you met Neuvillette, you stayed below the surface. Your tail cutting through the water as you swam, doing your daily routine of gathering sea creatures. Some for food others for your care, the days continued like this until one day; it was different.

In the distance, you caught sight of a man. Or what looked to be a man. He had scales too but his tail and form was….different.

His swimming was ethereal, how easily he glided through the water. A family of otters swimming around with him. And for the first time, your heart beat turned irregular. You were scared at first, not understanding what it meant. But after talking with some friends, they told you that you more than likely were growing feelings for him. You took it to heart and worked your way up to speaking with him. He seemed just as nervous as you were. But he was always open for conversation.

Eventually, you both confessed. Confused by your feelings but willing to try, he'd asked to kiss you that day. And you did.

Now? It's been five years and you couldn't be happier. There were issues at first, since you always lived below the surface and Neuvillette, you found, was extremely busy. Rarely having leisure time to visit you. So you decided to obtain a pendant, allowing you to breathe above water. There was a time limit to it and it even gave you legs in the process! As long as you stay dry. It was perfect. Before him, you never once thought about breaching the surface. Afraid of the outcome. But now you couldn't imagine not being able to walk among the shore and sun.

"Your case. Is it truly that troubling?" You questioned, arms wrapped tight around his as you looked up at him. He gave a sigh, "I find most of my cases to be straight forward but this one…I'm unsure how I should proceed."

You gave him a smile, fiddling with your pendant.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. I trust your judgment and speaking of; why don't you choose where we have lunch today?" Your eyelashes fluttered, peering up at him. Giggling when the tips of his ears turned a bit red. "Very well, but I know you'll want somewhere with shellfish." You nod, allowing him to guide you into the city, you'd only been a handful of times. It was often too crowded for your tastes.

"How about-" He stopped, his eyes slow to widen when he noticed. Even before you did, until you fell to the ground. Your tail sprouting as the struggle to breathe finally made you realize; someone took your pendant. Or knocked it off. You weren't sure who or when they'd managed, but now you couldn't breathe. Body twitching and mouth open agape, gasping. Your gills begging for oxygen from the water you swim through everyday.

In an instant, you were lifted into his arms. The sky turning a dark gray as rain started to fall-it didn't make any sense but it was hard to dwell. Your vision getting blurry-you were going to die. That's all you could think. You were going to die.

Your hands tried to tug at him, you couldn't die without saying how much you loved him. But he wouldn't look at you. Refused to. His eyes hyper focused in front of him; he needed to get you to water. Now.

"Neuv..-" "No." He refused. Refused. Refused. Refused. There. He could see water in his eyesight so he picked up his pace.

"Please…" you gasped, "Neuvi-" your body was now airborne, being tossed into the water. Your eyes widened as you could finally breathe, even if it was an abrupt landing. "Please be okay…" you heard him muttering. His outfit soaked as he sat in the shallow part of the water. Rain falling down around him.

"Neuvi.."you said softly, breaching the surface. "Oh thank God." He let out a breath he'd been holding. "I thought I lost you…"

You smiled, "You could never lose me."

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#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin neuvillette #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette #neuvillette hurt/comfort #lovelies requests

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lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom · 1 month

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Familiar Faces

Tech x Reader

Summary- Techs death was not a reality you were ready for, you relied so much on his love. After months of grief, you find he might not actually be dead.

A/N- SPOILERS FOR TBB SEASON 3 EP 7. I know nothing is confirmed about Tech, but watching this newest episode has got my brain working overtime with fic ideas!

Word Count- 2,708

The cart creaked across the rail line, sending shivers down your spine. There wasn't much keeping all of you up. Inches from falling thousands of feet to your death. The clouds didn't help either, you couldn't see anything.

You fired away, missing most of the time. Everything was happening so fast. A mission gone wrong. Your thoughts were stopped by Hunter's yelling.

"Three ships inbound!" He informs, even when you saw nothing in the sky- you trusted him. He knew better than any of you.

Shortly you heard them coming, the roar of the engines were loud. Soon followed by it's blaster's shaking the cart.

"Tech we need power!" Hunter commands. You work on pure adrenaline and fire at the ships closing in.

One of them is shot down, but not before it knocks out one of the support hooks. You feel the ground shift down, leaning.

Like a breath of fresh air, you hear Tech's voice. Him yelling back "Echo, Now!" was enough to calm you.

"We're online!" Echo retorts. You can't help your grin rising. Finally, things were looking up.

Though, you didn't need Hunter to tell you three more ships were headed your way.

"Tech, hurry." You called out.

You and Omega blasted at one of the new ships, effectively destroying its wing. It crashed down in a black smoke.

From this black smoke a fourth ship came. It was too quick- it shot at Tech, who was still running towards you. He gave a yelp as he fell off the support beam.

Your eyes widened as you gasped, body craning to try and see him. He had a hard landing, but was standing to his feet on the falling compartment of the cart.

It rumbled and shook, about to crash down.

You ran to the back of the cart, trying to get closer. "Tech!" You watched in horror as he tripped back with the rest of the detached pieces.

His grappling hook barely caught onto a stray metal piece. His body bounced back at the tension. "Don't move! I'll pull you up." You tried to reach his line, but it seemed impossible without everyone toppling over into the abyss.

"I-I can't reach!" You called over comms.

"I will climb up, do not risk falling over." You nodded at this, forgetting he couldn't see you. He was more worried for you than himself.

"Come on Tech, hurry!" Wrecker booms, coming over to see what the status was.

You could feel Tech roll his eyes, "I am climbing as fast as I can!"

His grunts break your heart, he panted as he tried to pull himself up. Storm troopers still fired all around you. One of the blast forcing Tech to fall even further.

"Tech!" This time it came from Omega. Your heart was beating too fast to think and speak. You were so worried.

"Why aren't we moving?" Hunter asks Echo. "The cart is being ripped from the back."

The very cart Tech was holding on to for dear life.

You frantically looked to Hunter. "Wrecker, get him on board!" He instructs.

"No, you're too big." You push past Wrecker to take a step on the falling cart.

It creaked loudly, almost giving out. "NO! Don't!" Tech yells up at you. Your eyes connect through the ripped metal. "Any shift in weight could send both of these carts over."

Incoming ships shoot at Techs line, he dropped down again.

"You must sever the connection hinge. Now!" Tech says.

Your face falls. "Are you crazy! No, you'll go over!" Tears welled up in your eyes. There had to be another way.

Another creak and shift. You were almost thrown over by the rocking.

Tech gave out a heavy sigh. This time he spoke gentle, saying your name. "There is no time..."

"Tech, please no!" You begged. He pulled out his blaster, not looking away from you. He was going to sever the connection himself.

"No!" You screamed, desperate. Your tears were falling faster than ever.

"Plan 99... I love you" He started. With a deep breath you yelled, "Don't you dare!"

"You can't! Please!" You sobbed, still trying to get closer. You heard Wrecker straining behind you, he was trying to hold the falling cart up.

"When have we ever followed orders?"

A shot rang out, he fell.

A piercing scream erupted. You almost didn't recognize that it was your own.

Your instincts kicked in and you tried to leap down, like you could still save him somehow. Wrecker was too fast and caught you, his arm throwing you back into the safe cart.

"No, NO let me go!" You tried to fight off Wrecker, but he was far too strong. He pinned you down easily.

You were hysterical, arms wailing at anyone who kept you from jumping after him. Later, when you were thinking straight- you'd thank them.

"He's gone, he's gone!" You sobbed out, devastated. Your screams filled the air, shocking a few storm troopers close by.

Echo wired the cart to start moving and get everybody to safety.

That was months ago. Just the thought could bring you to tears. You had lost everything you felt the reason to live for. He was your everything. His incompetence for social queues, his punctual speech, his stupidly intelligent brain. All of it was yours, and now it was all gone.

A deep depression fell over you, the only thing driving you was Hunter and Wrecker. They inspired you how hard they fought for Omega. It warmed your heart in your worst times.

It hurt immensely when you heard his name, but it got easier to get out of bed. It got easier to smile again.

Eventually, you reconnected with Omega and started defending Crosshair. Something that was typically Tech's job... You knew you had to take on more responsibilities and make up for the time you were down.

You constantly wondered if Tech would be proud of you.

You and the rest of The Batch found yourselves helping Rex, then... escaping with Rex. An enemy assassin leading the Empire to us.

The nine of you hurried down a secret passage way, to a leach vessel.

The soft clicks of the steps soothed you in some wicked way, even when everyone was running for their lives.

"Stop!" Crosshair yelled out. You turned to look at him, he took a few steps back to look out a carved hole in the stone. "They are coming..."

Just then, a shot rang out. Another assassin hung from the inner walls.

Crosshair ducked behind the wall, "Go, I'll handle it."

The rest of the squad moved down, but you stayed. "I'll help."

That was until you peaked around the hole, getting a glimpse of the man. A rush a deja vu consumed you. Your breath quickened. Why was this man so familiar?

You pushed it down, you had already let your feelings get the best of you too many times. It can't happen again. You fired at him, Crosshair backing you up.

Crosshair put an explosive at the end of his shotgun, catching the man off guard. It threw him off the wall. The two of you headed to the ship.

A blast to the ship sent all of you crashing down. You briefly heard Rex sending Echo a message about an extraction.

Commotion ensued, but it all ended with you falling and getting a bad headache. Your helmet did not do much to cushion the hit.

The rest of the team was briefly recovering from the crash as well, but you had to get a move on.

"We've got attack shuttles inbound." Hunter noted.

"This way." Rex lead.

You traveled on foot in the woods, trying to lose the storm troopers. Fighting them off was light work. One however, stood out from the rest.

Crosshair proved your suspicions when he frantically turned around, gun raised.

"What is it?" Hunter questioned. He got his answer when the assassin shot at us.

With our numbers down and the assassin having the upper hand, Crosshair suggested "I'll draw his fire out. Get to the rendezvous."

You heard Omegas small voice through comms, "I don't like that idea..."

"Too bad." He responds, already crouched behind a rock to fire.

Looking at Omegas worried gaze, "Go, I'll make sure he doesn't get himself killed."

Omega nods at you, then joins Hunter's side. Crosshair just grunts in acknowledgement.

In truth, Crosshair didn't need you. Though, you both knew that Omega needed the peace of you fighting with him. Two verses one had much better odds.

You heard Rex commanding the rest of the squad to move out. You and Crosshair pursued the assassin.

He gave out hand signals, letting you know he was above you. You nodded, sneaking around.

The assassin saw you easily, perfect. He was distracted just enough for Crosshair to get a hit on him, knocking his balance off.

Your face dropped when the assassin recovered in record time, it was like he hadn't even been hit. He now caught you by surprise when he shot at your hand, you lost your weapon. Damn. All you had left was a blade, which you now grasped.

To your dismay, Crosshair had already taunted the assassin away from you. No doubt on purpose.

It took you a minute to find them, Crosshair had followed him to a waterfall. One with rapids at the bottom. The booming of the current was distracting.

You crouched down, keeping a low profile. Crosshair and the assassin fought vigorously. When you saw an opportunity, you jumped.

You tried to get your blade around his neck or at least cut his suit. The assassin was stunned for a second, giving Crosshair time to recover.

The man disarmed you, overpowering you in strength. You fell back with a thud, your helmet flying off. You scrambled to stand, but was forced to stay down because of a stray blast. It just missed your head.

The assassin seemed to know every single move Crosshair made. Like, he had studied Crosshair's fighting technique multiple ways, There was only one man who you knew did that, and he was dead.

The stranger knocked Crosshair to his knees, a gun to his head.

The man now looked to you, ready to dispose of you as well.

You sat up, but did nothing to fight back- fear of him shooting Crosshair.

He however, stopped in his tracks. You just stared, confused. He looked to you, maybe in disbelief?

He, not moving his gaze, stunned Crosshair. You were in shock that he didn't kill him... The thud of Crosshairs body made you jump.

You slowly rose to your feet, you somehow didn't feel threatened by the man anymore.

Now that you stepped closer to him, he stepped back. He seemed to be fighting with himself... Throwing his blaster as far as he could away.

His hands moved to grip the sides of his head, in pain. He stumbled back, head barred down. With a loud 'thud' he fell on his rear.

He scratched at his helmet, trying to take it off. Something inside of him wouldn't let him. He was in turmoil with himself.

Did you feel pity for the man? You slightly shook your head, baffled at what you saw. He was so vulnerable now, you should have killed him for what he did to Crosshair. At least Stun him.

You couldn't find it in yourself. He looked so confused with himself, so conflicted. Your heart wrenched, but why?

Your own actions shocked you, stepping closer to him. You lowered yourself to your knees, inches away. You were skeptical but determined.

He stopped his frantic movements when your hands moved to his head. He let you do as you pleased, frozen in place.

You kept your eyes on him as you gently lifted his helmet. You only got it up enough to see the mans eyes, a deep brown. That and his face structure was enough to tell you who it was.

The face you spent hours drooling over, embarrassing stares caught at, nights laying with. The very face you saw fall thousands of feet down to a cloudy abyss.

You gasped loudly, scrambling back. No, NO. It wasn't him. It couldn't be him...

Your reaction seemed to have broken him out of his haze. His helmet fell back down, covering his face. He, almost instinctively, moved to you. You were too shocked to fight back. He swiftly grabbed your wrist, pulling you up.

The grip was tight, you winced. The man realized his mistake immediately and loosened the grip. if he wanted to kill you, why was he worried about your wrist?

When you were sitting back up, the man reclined on his knees. He slowly moved his hands up to the helmet again, this time with more control.

He raised it completely off. It was him.

Both hands moved to cover your gaping mouth. How? HOW?

"T-Tech?" You called out, voice cracking.

He squinted his eyes and had one hand holding the side of his head in pain.

"You must take Crosshair and run, now." He ended by saying you name desperately.

"W-what? No, I am not leaving you. Tech, what happened? How are you alive!" You leaned to him, wanting nothing more than to hold and kiss him.

He moved back, your touch like fire.

"You have to go. I do not know how much longer I can hold off the chip. I do not want to hurt you." He looked at the ground, ashamed.

"You won't. I know you won't..." You moved closer again, resting a hand over his. You slowly moved it off of his head, holding it. He breathed hard.

"Any better?" You ask. "Yes, I would suspect my will to keep you safe overrided the new chip the Empire has put in my head." You smiled, finally leaning forward to hold him.

The second your arms wrapped around him, you sobbed. It all felt like a dream- well, nightmare.

"I thought you were dead... Tech, oh my Tech." He hugged back, petting your hair. You both frantically proclaimed 'I love you's.' But, he soon pulled away.

"I will not put you at risk any longer." He moved to stand up,

"I just got you back, why are you leaving me?" You couldn't understand.

He stood up, saying your name in a whisper. "I thought I made it clear. My new inhibitor chip is stronger. I am assigned to kill you. I do not want to do such a thing, ever."

"Tech, just please come with me. Rex is with us, he can help remove this one. Just like the others..." You grabbed onto his arm, pleading. How did he expect you to walk away, leave him behind. Especially when you just figured out he was alive.

"I suppose that might work..." He rested a hand to his chin, thinking. More tears flowed from your eyes, he was exactly how he was before. Always calm, always thinking everything through with a steady heart beat.

You looked up at him. "Please, I need you. I-"

"I know. I need you too. I uh- I apologize for shooting you." He said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Your eyebrows furrowed, "You didn't mean to.." You leaned up to kiss him, but something switched in him.

His face twisted and turned, he stepped back. He was fighting himself again, now a hand reached for his blaster. He looked up, face cold and blank. He pointed the gun at your face.

"Tech, Tech, it's just me!" He didn't care, he had a mission to fulfill. The chip was regaining control.

Suddenly, his body quivered and shook. He fell to the ground. Crosshair stood behind.

"Please don't kill him!" You ran to him, making sure he was aware of the situation.

"I know, his chip... I'll carry him back. Rex can look at him." You were hopeful, he was coming home.

It would be a rocky start, but he was alive. He was alive and half-conscious. That was a problem for when you got back on the ship.

For just a second, watching Crosshair hoist Tech up, you relaxed. The pounding of the water on rocks soothed you.

He was alive...

A/N- Thank you so much for reading! I hated the ending, sorry ya'll had to go through that. I didn't know how to end it! I was so motivated with this plot, then kind of lost it. Expect a Crosshair fic this weekend!!!

Tags- (LMK if you want to be tagged as well!) @thethreeeyed-raven @knight-of-flowerss

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riddleriddles · 4 months

Text

ෆ i should hate you

ෆ theodore theo nott x reader (without a specific house)

ෆ summary: The one in which theodore pushes you away but you can’t lose your feelings for him.

ෆ warnings: google english, angst (im not really good at it)

ෆ notes: I think this also goes a lot with CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS from ts, but i guess im going to make another one for this song, and also i just found out that im the worst for dialogues, just like in real life

𖦹

It was late August when theo decided that you were too much for him, that he decided that your relationship could not continue when you deserved more than he had to offer. So, after a few weeks distancing himself from you and letting his own mind erase the good memories and being corrupted with insecurities, he asked you in a note in a shared class of potions.

“Astronomy tower at 10 after dinner?” It was what it said on the piece of parchment, I didn’t need a signature for you to know who it was.

As the astronomy tower was a place of yours, where you spent time and time lying together, admiring the stars, the constellations and only the presence of each other, you didn’t think much about it, went up to the astronomy tower after dinner, where you found the familiar figure of your boyfriend.

There he was, leaning against one of the iron handrails, his half wavy hair with some natural blonde lights falling on his face making a light shadow in his eyes, he does not look up when he hears steps approaching.

“Hi theo...” you whisper softly, leaning next to him on the handrail, looking into his eyes while his gaze avoids finding yours, he has an blank and distant face, if maybe you paid more attention, you could see the guilt he felt for doing what he was doing.

With these last weeks that he has pushed you away you can’t help but wonder if something had happened, maybe something happened to his father, maybe it’s the tests that are approaching, or he may just be quiet these days, by the way, it’s theo, he likes his own space sometimes, you thought. You and Theo loved each other very much, you loved him, and you thought he loved you too, so the breakup didn’t even cross your mind when he sent you that piece of parchment.

“Hi...” he says, a low and hoarse tone, as if he hadn’t spoken for some time, his eyes never found yours.

Theo felt his own stomach turn with anxiety, he couldn’t let it shine through, you knew him so well that he knew that any misstep you would find out that something was wrong.

After some time, in a comfortable silence from his point of view and almost deafening in theo's, he said the words he spent so much time rehearsing on his own head.

“I think we should break up.”

The words hit you right, you even thought you could have heard wrong, no, you had certainly heard it wrong, theo didn’t want to break up, he loved you, and you hadn’t done anything wrong.

“What...?” You whispered almost inaudible, discredited that you had even heard that phrase, but when he didn’t answer and turned his head to the opposite side of your face, to avoid your look, you knew you heard it right and then you realized that your relationship was over.

“I don’t think we should keep going... I...” he whispered, feeling a ball of guilt forming at the tip of his own stomach, he couldn’t look into your eyes, he couldn’t risk giving up and telling you the truth. “I don’t think it’s going to work.”

Theo can feel your gaze on him, begging him for a reason, maybe for a laugh explaining the dull joke, he knew you wouldn’t let him go without him really hurting you.

“I don’t feel the same for you anymore, you should go..”

You stepped back, suddenly all the words had disappeared from your mind, not knowing how to act or what to say, you were never very confrontational, suddenly your love is no longer there, feeling the emotions so strong hitting at once, leaving you embarrassed in front of him, when he couldn’t even look into your eyes, you left the astronomy tower as quickly as possible.

The next few weeks were difficult, spent with ice cream, romantic comedies and a lot of tears, especially when you needed to see him in the halls, and sitting on the other side of the classroom, so to avoid him, you started to avoid meals together, delaying your own routine just not having to face him, you started to go down later to the great hall at breakfast and dinner time, when he had already left, avoiding the same halls and especially the places that were previously marked as your places, such as the astronomy tower, for example.

You waited for time to heal you but it wasn’t quite like that, the only thing you could do was disguise your emotions, pretending to forget the moments together, and then went back to the meals at the right times and almost didn’t look for him in the halls anymore, or did it discreetly.

Theo was getting worse and worse, whenever he saw you avoiding passing by his side in the corridors his heart sank and the guilt hit him all over again, and thinking it couldn’t get worse, he literally wanted to be buried alive when he realized that you were forgetting about him, that you didn’t even care about passing next to him anymore, that you didn’t even realize that you had passed next to him.

“You should talk to her, she likes you and I’m sure you deserve to be together...” said theo’s friend, blaise, while they were sitting in the communal room, for him theo was visibly downcast and it’s been a while since he saw the friend so melancholic it didn’t make sense for him to break up with you to be crying in the corners, theo didn’t use to open up to many people, but he trusted blaise enough to let him know what was bothering him. “you’re keeping her and yourself away from the one you love, that’s not fair.”

Theo thought too much about his friend’s words, but he never felt brave enough to come back to you and tell you the truth, he thought you had already given up on him and that it was better that way.

But he was pulling his own limits, and could no longer bury his own feelings when he was sitting on a bench in the courtyard accompanied by his friends, and from afar he heard your laugh, maybe it was the desire he felt to hear your voice again that made him realize the laughter among the other sounds of the place.

He turned his head abruptly in the direction just to wish he hadn’t turned when he saw you accompanied by another boy, a gryffindor boy, passing by while you put a lock of hair behind your ear and laughed at something that the blonde in red and black robes said.

Theodore felt the jealousy invade him, who did this gryffindor think was supposed to make you laugh like that? Did he think he deserved your smiles? Who did he think it was to at least get close to his girlfriend? he thought, but you were no longer his girlfriend, he had broken up with you and had hurt you, so now you probably wanted to be there, walking with that other boy and there is nothing he could do about it.

Watching you bend the corridors and get out of his sight he felt that the right thing was to let you go, he couldn’t be so selfish to the point of holding you up with him, when you deserved much more than he had, but he wasn’t ready, he couldn’t, he didn’t have the courage he thought he would have, he wanted to be selfish, no matter how too good you were for him, he wanted to keep you around and never push you away again, he wanted to intertwine your fingers and never see you cry again, much less for himself like that night, stupid, it was what he was, that’s how he saw himself now, a fool for thinking he could see you moving forward and it was the purest foolishness to think that he could move on himself.

So he finally decided to listen to his friends and go after you, without warning anyone he got up from the bank quickly,his friends looked at him curious, but used to theo’s behavior, they just shrugged.

Theodore followed in your footsteps and bent the corridor to find you this time alone caressing an orange kitten while he saw a little far away the gryffindor with his back distancing himself, he approached shyly, with his hands in his pocket and without making any noise.

You just realized that you were in the presence of someone when you looked at the shoes stopping by your side and recognized them as your ex-boyfriend’s, feeling your throat dry your hand fell from the kitten who was upset by the lack of affection and came down from where it was leaving you and him alone, it took you a few more seconds thinking until you raised your head slowly to look at him.

“Nott.” you said shy trying to sound firm, your gaze deviating from his, it was difficult to see him so close after so long, you wanted to hate him so much, you really wanted to push and yell at him, ask why he had done that, what you had done wrong for him not to love you anymore and he felt a bitter taste in his mouth when he heard his own surname come out of his lips, feeling as if that name did not belong to him, you should call him theo, my love, dear, that didn’t feel right.

“Don’t call me that...” he asked, his voice was distant but he still missed and sad, but it wasn’t enough for you to realize, you made fun of his words and crossed your arms.

“What do you want?” You asked firmly but still avoiding his gaze, you took a step back by moving away from him, he clenched his jaw to the sign of your rejection his heart sink again, the feeling becoming familiar.

“I want to... apologize, for that night...” he said in a low tone, looking at his own feet as if he felt guilty and ashamed, that’s certainly not what you expected, coming out of the defensive mode you lowered your arms.

“Apologize?”

“I was an idiot, I pushed you away for a stupid reason” he was visibly sorry, he took a step towards your, you don’t back down this time.

“yes, you were really an idiot,” you said and crossed your arms again, your eyes went up to look at theirs, he couldn’t stand it, your glassy eyes looking back at him, he just wanted to crush his own lips against yours. “were you lying that night? When did you say you didn’t love me anymore?”

“i was” he admitted quickly with a positive nod. “it was a lie, it was all a lie, I think I let my insecurities speak louder and I ended up thinking that the best idea was to push you away, i’m sorry.”

Suddenly, the nights you spent crying no longer made sense, you felt angry with him for push you away, and thinking that if you knew you would have done everything to prove to him that he was the one who deserved the whole world.

“Do you know how stupid you are!? I thought I had done something wrong!” you exclaimed getting closer to him, he held your face with both hands as if he were going to kiss you, you felt your eyes filling with tears of frustration and he could see them being formed in the corner of your eyes, mentally cursing himself for making you cry again.

“I know! I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m just me and you’re so... everything, and you deserve everything, and I thought maybe I could let you go for it, but I can’t, I see it now, I promise I’ll do everything to give you what you deserve, I promise, please bella, forgive me.”

A single tear fell down your cheek with the statement, a few seconds in silence was enough for you to think, no matter how frustrated you were with him, the desire to love him again was always stronger.

“You’re dumb.” you said quietly, he nodded.

You held his face pulling him down and finally crushed his lips on yours, he squeezed his eyes and let his hand out of your face, now it was in the air and he didn’t know where to put it, the kiss that overflowed the longing and love you felt for each other, it was calm and slow, no hurry after spending so much time waiting, his hand finally fell to your waist, fitting perfectly, he remembered that.

then you pushed your lips away, he still brushed his own lip on yours as if he were silently asking for more, you smiled against his lips when you realized it.

“Never push me away like this again, I love you and you are more than I could ask for”

#theodore nott #slytherin x hufflepuff #slytherpuff #theodore nott x reader #fanfic #harry potter #riddleriddles

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i-thirsty-boi · 7 months

Text

Platonic Yandere Metkayina Family X Human Child Reader Part 3

~Hey! I know this took me a while to do, but now that a new semester is started I actually have motivation to write consistently. So, I should be posting a bit more frequently now! Anyway, on a side note, I'm not sure if it was obvious, but Ronal isn't pregnant in this story. Mostly because I think it would be too challenging to write an infant into this storyline.

Masterlist

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

CW: yandere behavior (platonic), protective behavior, near drowning, fall risk

-It had taken you about two more days to feel almost completely better. But your family was still babying you… a lot.

-And you were getting VERY frustrated with it.

-Sure, you liked all of the attention. However, you wanted to move around on your own now that you were feeling better, not be in a wrap!

It was just after breakfast, and your mom was trying to put you in the wrap to take you with her. And you were not having it. You were groaning and sinking to the floor to delay going into the wrap.

Ronal was kneeling on the ground in front of you, trying to get you into the wrap so she could take you with her, and was bewildered by how you were acting. She had never seen you act like this, granted she hadn’t known you very long either. But that wasn’t the point! The point was she didn’t know why you were so upset about the wrap, when you’ve never complained about it before.

-She tried one more time to pick you up and put you in the wrap. And you just dropped straight onto the floor and started crying. Loudly.

-Ronal just frowned and sat down fully in front of you, picking you up into her arms and rubbing your back to try to calm you down.

-You had thrown your head back already by the time she asked you what was wrong.

-You just gasped before spitting out that you didn’t wanna be in the wrap anymore since you felt better.

-As soon as Ronal heard this, the meltdown made sense. She untied the wrap from herself before fully picking you up to take you with her. Luckily, you were calming down by then and wrapped your arms around her neck.

-She turned to look at the rest of her family, who she had forgotten were there to witness that, and gave them a reassuring look before making her way to her healing tent. In the end, she wasn’t surprised that a small child would want to move around a lot more after recovering from an illness.

As she was walking, she looked down at you to see you fast asleep, and she just kissed your head while continuing on her way. She also felt your feet swinging against her sides, making her smile, but only a little bit.

It didn’t take her long to make it there, and set you down on what might as well be your personal cushion at that point. And she set down her human medicine bag and got out the thermometer, putting it in your mouth without disturbing you. And when she took it out, she was pleased and relieved to see it say 98, the correct temperature for you. She smiled and calmly sat by you and mixed together more balms and salves.

At one point a new mother of the clan came in to talk, and asked to set her baby on the cushion next to you, which Ronal allowed. And it was adorable to see an infant that was about half your size next to you. The woman commented on you not looking so bad anymore, and that she had heard you were sick and was glad you looked like you felt better.

-Ronal smiled and said that you definitely felt better, if the fit you threw to escape the wrap this morning had anything to say about it. She laughed with the other woman, who said her baby had done the same thing this morning as well.

-Although it wasn’t long until the infant woke up and started crying, waking you up as well. You were confused, but quickly woke up, and picked them up with you as you sat up. You rocked the both of you until the baby had calmed down.

-You looked to the side once they stopped crying to see your mother and another woman looking at you and the baby. They each had a very soft look on their face, which you figured was because of you calming down the baby.

-You looked back down at the baby again to see them staring up at you, then they reached up and put their hand on your face. You smiled at them before their mother took them from you and into her arms. Your mother doing the same with you.

-You looked up at her to see her smiling down at you, and you smiled back. Then, she got a weird, far off, look on her face. You just scrunched your nose at her and looked over as the mother and her baby were leaving.

-She was only loosely cradling you in her lap, so you rolled onto the ground in front of your mother and made your way over to grab your craft basket. Then you went and sat on your favorite cushion, which was next to where your mother did her healing duties daily.

Ronal had finally seemed to come out of her daze as you started weaving some shells into an anklet for yourself. She made her way over to her station and gathered the things she needed to make more of most of her healing pastes and salves, then sat down right next to your cushion. And the both of you worked on your separate activities for the better part of two hours.

By the time she looked at what you were doing, you were finishing up a second anklet for yourself. And once you truly finished it, you looked over at Ronal and asked her if she could put both of them on you. She, of course, said yes. Then gently grabbed your legs and tied each anklet securely, but not too tight, around each of your ankles. Once she was done, you got up and walked around in the hut, smiling at the shells clinking together as you walked.

-Ronal was watching you enjoy yourself with a small smile on her face, happy that you can create accessories that you enjoy.

-Though her thoughts were interrupted by Neytiri walking through the entrance of the hut. Ready to get more lessons of the metkayina way of life from Ronal.

-Neytiri had seen you, now, skipping around the hut. In your own little world. And she just lightly scowled at you. She knew you were a sweet little kid, but her opinion of humans in general dampened her reactions to you.

-She just quietly made her way over to Ronal and sat down to help her finish making the pastes and salves. Keeping a distrustful eye on you the entire time.

-The novelty eventually wore off for you and you went back over to your mother and plopped down in her lap. Looking over at the darker woman with curious eyes. Though you quickly looked away from the, almost, nasty look she gave you.

-You just settled against your mother and looked around the hut, and before you knew it, you were being carried out of the hut and slightly into the water before being set down.

-You knew she was going to be teaching the forest woman their way of life, and that included the breathing techniques they had already taught you.

You were gently set into the water next to your mother and started slowly swimming around the two women. Both women keeping watch over you. Your mother to make sure you were safe, and Neytiri because she didn’t trust you. And you were ignoring it to actually swim around like you wanted to.

Ronal had been teaching the breathing technique to Neytiri for a couple days at that point, and she had done well and just needed to push herself to stay under for longer. So, as soon as you dove under the surface of the water, Ronal had done the same with Neytiri.

She had been guiding her through the reefs under the water while also making sure she could still see you. They had been swimming and communicating in simple sign for about five minutes before she saw you swimming towards the surface to get some air. She made sure you made it there without issue and started diving back down again before she moved her attention back to the forest woman. Though instead of you going off on your own among the reef, you swam to her and wrapped your arms around her neck. She just turned and kissed your cheek before continuing to guide Neytiri around the reefs.

She just continued swimming while gently dragging you with her while trying to teach Neytiri. Though as soon as they had made it to a spot with a large amount of glowing coral, your favorite area to swim around in, you had let go of her and swam to gently touch the coral. Which glowed brighter at your touch, which is why it was your favorite.

-You had been entertaining yourself with the coral while your mother and the woman from the forest continued swimming around you.

-Though when you turned your back towards the coral to sign to your mother that you were going to swim to the surface, Neytiri was right in front of you swimming to the surface as well and accidentally pushed you into the coral behind you by your chest.

-You had the breath knocked out of you, and that made you inhale some water. Your chest hurt and you started panicking.

-You looked around for your mother and desperately gestured her to bring you to the surface. She noticed your panic right away and quickly grabbed you and rushed to the surface. Though you were just focusing on not giving in to the urge to cough.

-As soon as your head was above the water you began violently coughing up water. You had your head hanging over your mother’s shoulder as you coughed, your chest rattling from the force of them.

-You were clinging to your mother’s shoulders, and she was gently patting your back to help you get all the water out of your lungs. It had taken you about seven full minutes of coughing and gasping for breath before you winded down and slumped against your mom.

-You two had bolted to the surface, and a couple minutes into your coughing fit, Neytiri had surfaced. And her attention was immediately captured by your distress. Her ears perked and her pupils dilated. She may not like humans, but she was concerned for you. Especially as a mother herself.

-Though as soon as you completely stopped coughing, Ronal turned to Neytiri and let loose some scathing words for her about accidentally shoving you under the water. Though she did notice the darker woman’s ears droop down while being scolded.

-Once she was done talking and had calmed down, Neytiri came a bit closer to apologize and check if you were okay. You just glanced at her and nodded before drifting off to sleep in your mother’s arms.

-And after that, their session of lessons ended for that day. Both of the women made their way to the shore and went their separate ways for the day.

-Neytiri was sulking while making her way back to their marui, and Ronal was power walking to her own marui.

Once she got to her marui, she walked in and briefly set you in their sleeping space before tying the wrap on her and put you in it on her front, facing her. She began rubbing your back while walking around her home and gathering things to make a snack for you to eat once you woke up. Though as she was finishing putting the snack together for you, her older child Tsireya had walked into the marui.

She seemed to be confused about what her mother was doing in their marui at this time of day, and came closer to see her making some food with you actually in the wrap. She came up to her mother and put her hand on your back, concerned because of some rumbling happening in your chest as you breathed. She looked up at her mother’s face and got a look that said she’d get an explanation later.

Though it didn’t take you very long to wake up again, and immediately start coughing again. You didn’t even register the two women in your family fussing over you while you were in your small coughing fit. You were more focused on the small dribbles of water coming out of your mouth after being forced from your lungs. You stopped after only about two minutes, and pushed your cheek against the side of your mothers arm, verging on her shoulder. So, that must mean you were put in the wrap while you slept. You could only stare at the water, combined with spit, running down your mother’s arm. You then mumbled a ‘sorry’ as you laid against your mom's body.

-Ronal just shook her head and started rubbing your back again. Before taking the snack and walking over to sit down and start feeding you the food.

-She looked down at the water dripping down her arm, concerned about how much water is still in your lungs considering how much you coughed up so far.

-Meanwhile, Tsireya only had an idea of what had happened to you, but was very concerned nonetheless. Still lightly patting your back.

Both of them had sat down on the floor and took turns feeding you small bites of the cut up fruit Ronal got for you. You chewed them slowly, until they were all gone. And by the end you felt a lot better. You had started squirming a bit to get taken out of the wrap, which you were glad your mother didn’t hesitate to do that time. Though you still chose to sit in her lap and continue cuddling up to her.

Meanwhile Neytiri had made it to her family’s marui and had curled up on the ground and started sulkingly weaving a new top for her oldest daughter. And while she was doing that her mate had come in and sat down next to her after noticing her sullen mood. He waited a few moments waiting for her to talk, but sighed and asked what was wrong. Neytiri just heavily sighed and buried her head in her knees before saying that she had accidentally hurt the little human child earlier that day. Jake’s ears folded down a little bit and he asked how she had done that. So, she told him about the diving she had done that day, and how she had accidentally shoved the child into a wall of coral under the water. And how hard you had been coughing up water, and how Ronal had chewed her out for it.

Jake just winced as he saw his wife’s tail curl even more into her body and her ears curl down harshly. He just put a hand on her shoulder and assures her that as long as it was an accident and she apologizes to you, she shouldn’t worry too much about this situation.

She glances up at Jake while still resting her face on her knees to see if he was joking or not, and found the look in his eyes to be sincere. She sighed again and leaned against his chest as she said she would apologize again before dinner that evening. Jake smiled and kissed her head before saying that that was a great idea and would probably mean a lot to you.

-Meanwhile, you were getting coddled for the rest of the day, especially after your mom told your sister what had happened during the dive that day.

-And then they roped your dad and brother into it too.

-So now you were being babied like you were sick again. And it annoyed you so much.

-During the lunch your family had, you were sat on your brother’s lap and your sister insisted on feeding you your food. You had huffed and tried to grab your plate from her but quickly gave up.

-And after that your dad had picked you up and carried you with him while he went to teach Jake Sully. Who you waved at once you saw him. And he waved right back at you.

-You guys would just be wading in the shallow waters while Jake was learning more of the sign language from your dad. You weren’t really paying attention as you swam around both of their legs, deciding to cling to one of Jake’s legs after circling him a couple times.

-He just chuckled and lifted you above his head from under your armpits, and briefly threw you in the air above him, easily catching you as well.

-You gasped when he threw you, but quickly broke down in giggles when he caught you. You had never had someone do that to you, but you loved it. You immediately asked him to do it again, and maybe higher.

-He just kept smiling and prepared to throw you into the air again. But prepared to throw you higher by lowering you to his chest level in front of him before launching you up in the air. You laughed the whole way up, which was pretty high because of how light you were to him, and starfished out in the air while you were falling. Easily being caught again.

-But this time he brought you to his chest to hold you properly. He leaned closer to you and brought a hand up to whisper that Neytiri felt bad and was gonna apologize to you again later in the day. And you just smiled at him and copied his hand motion to whisper back that you already forgave her, because it was obviously an accident.

-He smiled at you again before noticing the mildly panicked and angry look on Tonowari’s face. He turned you around to face him and motioned like he was going to throw you.

-Tonowari rapidly got the hint and put his arms out in front of him to catch you. And this time Jake threw you in a big arc to your dad. You were laughing and clinging to his arms when he caught you. And he just had a relieved smile while turning to Jake and asking how he knew you would like that.

-Jake laughed and said most human children loved it. And that all of his children had loved it when they were small enough for it.

-Tonowari was curious and looked down at you sitting in the crook of one of his arms, and you were still smiling. But once you noticed that he was looking at you, you excitedly asked if he could throw you just as high. Maybe even higher.

-He nervously smiled before saying that he probably could, and gently brought you in front of him. Though he looked over at Jake and motioned him over to his side with his head. And he wanted to ask him how to do what he did.

-Jake said he could do some tiny tosses to get used to the motions before doing bigger throws. He then looked at you and said, “You wouldn’t mind that, right Y/N?” To which you vigorously nodded.

Tonowari sighed before lifting you up above his head and lightly tossing you up in the air a couple times to get the hang of it. He got more confident each time because of your delighted giggles. You caught your breath as he lowered you to be in front of him so he could throw you higher. And he did that a couple times as well, you being launched at least 10 feet up each time.

And it wasn’t long before he was very comfortable with the activity and prepared to throw you up as high as he felt comfortable with. You were being dangled at his thigh level before being absolutely launched into the air. You probably went almost 60 feet up since your dad put a lot of strength into it. You just heavily breathed with a huge smile and wide eyes while stalling in the air at the peak height.

Unfortunately, this is when your mother showed up at the shore beside the men. And she let out a panicked shriek when she saw you up so high in the air. Though she was left to stand there watching in horror as you started plummeting, in her point of view, towards the two men just standing there. She started rushing to be in range to catch you as she heard you laughing while falling, though she didn’t register it. She was a step away when you landed safely in her mate’s arms, though she collided with his side as you devolved into hysterical giggles. She also ended up knocking the four of you over into the water, though she had snatched you out of your dad’s arms and held you up above the water so you couldn’t accidentally inhale it again.

As soon as she sat up in the water she was checking you over for any injuries. Though you just continued laughing and hugged her neck as you told her about your new favorite activity. She barely noticed the two men sputtering as they also sat up in the water and looked over at the woman who was clutching you for dear life.

-She turned to the two of them and asked them why they had thought that was a good idea.

-Tonowari quickly defended himself by saying he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t think he could catch you. And he pointed out that you loved it. Though he said that if he threw you that high in the future, and he will, that he would do it in an area with deep water that would break your fall and prevent you from getting hurt.

-She just blew air out of her nose before turning a sharp look to Jake.

-He put his hands up in front of him and said that he knew most human children loved that, and that his children had loved that as well. Plus, he taught Tonowari how to do it properly to make sure you were safe.

-She ended up shaking her head before saying that if you ever got hurt from them doing that, she would beat them.

-Both men winced and said they would with drooped ears and tucked tails. She was very intimidating, even with you perched at her ribcage.

-And with that, she said that it was time to prepare dinner, so they needed to come out of the water anyway. She had originally come to get them.

-They just watched her walk away with you before making eye contact and wincing again. And they just started silently walking to the shore.

-Though Ronal didn’t have a chance to calm down before Neytiri came up to her and asked to speak with you. She was about to hiss at the woman before you said okay and wiggled to be let down. Ronal just scowled before gently setting you down.

-You walked to be in front of the woman, and she kneeled down to be somewhat close to your height.

-She then briefly looked at Ronal before looking you in your eyes and very sincerely apologizing to you. Saying how it was an accident and she would never, ever want to hurt you. Plus, she was sorry for being distrustful of you, she was just wary of all humans at first.

-You blinked up at her before slowly hugging her around her neck. You then told her that you forgive her and that it was fine that she didn’t trust you at first, because you knew most humans on this planet were terrible.

-She was shocked that you hugged her, but she slowly wrapped her arms around you as well. And said thank you once you were done speaking.

-She gave you a last squeeze when she saw the impatient look the other woman was giving her. And watched you skip back over to Ronal and make grabby hands to be picked up.

-This time she parted ways with you two with a small smile. Making her way to her own children.

-You were resting your head on your mom’s shoulder while she was making her way to where her older children were waiting for her and her husband.

-Though she had to tell them that he would be a bit behind them as they were doing something reckless with you.

-Both of them were concerned hearing that and asked what their dad was doing with you that was so dangerous.

-Ronal just sighed and set you down before walking closer to her older children and telling them what she had seen. You, very high up in the air after being thrown by Tonowari. Ao’nung and Tsireya just gasped and made eye contact with each other.

-Though their attention was grabbed by their dad joining them, and you running up to him and asking to be tossed.

Tonowari saw the looks the rest of his family was giving him, but chose to ignore them. He lifted you up and held you up above him and tossed you a little bit up in the air a couple times in a row, almost bouncing you in the air. And you were just giggling before asking him to toss you higher. And he smiled before lowering you a little bit to give you some more air time, securely catching you each time. Though he set you down once he caught the sharp look his wife was giving him.

Though his other children were looking at the activity almost in wonder. They would never say it out loud, but it looked fun. They were almost jealous, but seeing you having fun was enough for them. Their attention was, once again, captured by the Sully family coming up and joining them. The other kids sat down around you and your siblings, who also just noticed that you sat down in front of them. And the adults went to help finish the dinner and bring it back to their children.

Though you took the opportunity to go up to Neteyam and reach up and ask if he can toss you. Neteyam just looked down at you before making eye contact with your siblings. They just shrugged, but you got frustrated and started slapping at his legs. He smiled and rolled his eyes before putting his hands under your arms and lightly throwing you as he stood up. You laughed as he easily caught you. But you grabbed his arms to ask how he knew how to do it right.

-Neteyam blinked down at you, before saying that his dad taught him when Tuk was born because he was trusted.

-Though your brother got pretty jealous and went over to tell him to teach him how to throw you.

-You got snatched into the arms of your brother and held out in front of him while he demanded Neteyam teach him how to do the throwing you thing properly.

-Though Ao’nung scowled when he was only told to throw you straight up, not in any other direction, and to practice the motion of catching you.

-So, he held you up how he had seen the other boy and his dad doing, and lightly tossed you into the air. Though he was thankful that you made it so easy to catch you each time, along with your joyful laughs.

-And he made the mistake of getting distracted when he had started tossing you up higher. He had seen the other forest boy, Lo’ak, sit down next to his sister Tsireya and briefly turned his head to scowl at him.

-Though in the time that his head was turned, you had started falling and were going down past his shoulders by the time he was paying attention again. Though as soon as he was catching you in a panic, you had almost hit the ground. And he had just managed to get a hold of you before your head hit the sand, and quickly brought you up to his chest to wait to see how you would react.

-But he breathed a sigh of relief that you didn’t start crying. You were just wide eyed, clutching him, and catching your breath. Though he insisted that no one told the adults, and got nods from everyone in return.

-And everyone breathed a sigh of relief once they were all situated somewhere and the adults came back with food for everyone.

-And you stayed on your brother’s lap as you were handed food, and were happily eating it on your own, with someone looking at you to check on you every once in a while.

-Though as you all were going to sleep that night, snuggled together, none of you could think that things would change how they did soon after that.

(To be continued)

Tags: @eywas-heir , @ratchetprime211 , @konniebon , @thehoneymushroomhealer , @tulipatheticee , @msluccapotato ,

#platonic yandere #awotw x child reader #awotw x reader #child reader #yandere #aonung #tonowari #ronal #tsireya

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rachalixie · 3 months

Note

hey, i got this ticket? it says “one free cute jisung thought because i said so”. can i cash it in?

a/n: anything for you <3 (gn!reader, jisung fluff, alcohol mention but it's up to you to decide if they have been drinking or not). also i did not proofread this. sorry.

11:59 pm.

you glance at your phone for a moment, clicking it off and returning your attention to the girl enthusiastically telling a story across the room. and you wait. and wait, for what seems like several minutes.

you glance at your phone again, and -

12:00 am.

how has it only been one minute? your friend, your trusted ride for the evening, was slamming down another glass of wine and giggling into her glass in a way that indicated that she should not be behind the wheel.

you wanted to go home. you wanted to go home right now, but that meant that you had to walk the three blocks to your apartment alone, at midnight.

was that a risk you were willing to take? as you looked around the room at the people growing increasingly more drunk by the minute, you decided that yes, you were willing to take it. no one noticed as you walked out of the room into the foyer, your friend didn’t take out her phone when you texted her that you were leaving and that she was not allowed to drive herself home, not a single head turned when you walked out of the door and closed it with a soft click.

or so you thought.

you didn’t make it three steps away from the building before you felt a presence behind you, approaching quickly, and you ball your hand into a fist in preparation for an encounter that you really didn’t want to deal with. your hand falls to your side when you realize that it was jisung, your friend and neighbor and, to your embarrassment, the man you were totally head over heels in love with. the man who you spent all evening avoiding, the image of him sitting next to someone else, pressed against their side, burning in your eyes when you close them. the man who was the real reason why you left.

“where are you going?” he says, slightly breathless from how he had rushed out after you.

“none of your business,” you quirk an eyebrow up at him, absolutely not endeared by the way his cheeks puff out with the breath he holds in before sighing out. “i’m going home, you can go back. i’m okay.”

“well, let me walk you back,” he matches your stride as you turn back towards the sidewalk. “i was about to leave anyways.”

“why?” a spark of annoyance tingles up your spine and you tamper it down. “you think i can’t defend myself?”

“well, no, i know you can,” his eyes flicker down to your hands for a moment. “but do you want to be in a position where you have to?”

and the truth was, you didn’t. the annoyance fizzles out and you realize that you’re grateful for his presence by your side, a warm welcome against the cool night air. if there was anyone whose company you would never deny, it was his, even if you put on a front. your hands brush against each other’s as you walk in comfortable silence, each touch lighting a fire inside of you.

he walks on the end of the sidewalk closest to the street, and despite there being no cars out this late you find the gesture sweet. you imagined that if he was wearing a jacket that he would offer it to you - you wished he would offer you his hoodie, if only so you could keep it.

“well,” you rest your hand on the doorknob, sighing at its familiarity after a long day. “this is me.”

“okay,” he falters, taking a step closer to you and running a hand through his hair. your eyes catch on a vein trailing up his wrist to his hand and you don’t realize you’ve been staring for maybe too long until he clears his throat. “i was wondering - and please let me know if i got the wrong idea but. can i come in?”

“you spent all evening next to someone else,” you’re a little confused, a little more angry, and very caught off-guard. “and now you’re asking to come into my home? what are you playing at?”

“so it worked?” he smiles, a bit bashful as the blood rushes to the top of his cheekbones. “i wasn’t sure if it would, i saw it in a movie once. make them jealous and you’ll know if they like you back by how they react, right?”

you blink at him. one moment passes, and then the next, in shocked silence. his gaze on you is unwavering, slow blinks of his eyes a tell of the passing time. his eyes are burning on you, you feel so utterly exposed in front of him and -

“god, you’re stupid,” you blurt out, a laugh made up of relief, surprise, and embarrassment bubbling up in your chest. “i can’t believe i like a fucking loser.”

“so, you do like me then?” his smile turns into a full grin, and you can’t help but think that satisfaction looks way too good on his face. instead of answering, you swing the door open and pull him inside by the collar.

you’ll show him satisfaction.

and then they have sex and get married yeah.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids #skz fluff #jisung fluff #han jisung x reader #han jisung fluff

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luimagines · 2 months

Text

You Give Him A Massage Part 2

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2 will include Time, Warrior and Wind.

Content under the cut!

Time

You hadn’t meant for it to this to happen- but in your defense, you were here first.

Wild had somehow convinced the group to stop by the Eldin hot springs for a few hours so that they could properly unwind and heal for a moment despite the chaos of their journey. You happily agreed. Not because you thought that hot springs are a healing experience (you’re not entirely sure what he meant by that) but you’ve never been to a hot spring before. It sounded absolutely lovely.

You meandered a little ways away from the group behind a rock outcropping and made yourself comfortable in the little pool of water. It was deeper than you thought it would be and pleasantly hot. If you bent your knees a little bit you could have dunked your entire head in the water- but you weren’t aiming for that at the moment.

You closed your eyes and relaxed as much as you felt like you could have- which to say, completely.

Suddenly the water splashed a little ways away from you- but it’s not like the pool you had chosen was particularly big. You’re eyes widened in shock before you sunk a little further into the pool. “Uh- hello?”

“Oh goodness, I’m sorry.” Time calls out. “I didn’t anyone was here.”

“Yeah... it’s a nice spot, isn’t it?” You kick yourself mentally. How awkward can you get? “It’s... a little far away from everyone else so-”

“Yeah... It’s why I came here.” He says quietly. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your time though- I apologize. I’ll go elsewhere.”

“You don’t-” You start and bite your tongue. You did want t be alone. But it almost feels like you’re kicking him out and it’s not like you own the spring. Are you overthinking this? You try a that again. “You don’t have to leave.”

That seems to Time food for thought. “Would you mind if I stayed then? For a little bit?”

Honestly? “No. I don’t.”

Time seems to sigh of relief and sinks further into the springs, keeping his distance away from you. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

You settle for ignoring him for the time being. It’s easier this way. About an hour passes and you think you might have stayed in longer than you should have. Although you do feel a lot better than before.

You turn to Time who’s still relaxing with his eyes closed. Unless he’s fallen asleep. That wouldn’t be good. Not about to take the risk, you try to not pay attention to the fact that he’s shirtless and put a hand on his shoulder.

It’s about as solid as rock.

“Yes?” He asks you.

“Time-” No, no one else is around. You can say it. “Link, what the hell did you to yourself?”

“Nothing.” He grumbles.

“Lies.” You spit and try to work the spot. Time grunts a little but doesn’t stop you.

“It’s not going to work.” He says quietly.

Well, you’re not about to leave him like that. “It’s just means we’ll be here for longer then.”

You keep kneading his shoulder for a while before turning him around so that you would have better access. It’s longer than either of you are willing to admit and you’re hand hurt by the end of it, but Time feels significantly better at the end.

He falls asleep almost instantly when they set up camp later in the day. You’ve never seen that happen before.

Warrior

You all had finally settled down for the night at last. The battle today wasn’t anything strenuous by any means but that was purely from your point of view.

You looked around and saw that many of the boys had taken a bit of a beating. Nothing to take concern to, but you worried that some of the bruises would last a while. Or at least your group got more potions to pass around for the time being.

Warrior in particular looked as if he was paying for something that he may or may not have done during the fight. He took his armor and layer off with a groan and a sigh of marginal relief before he tried to stretch his back with very little success.

You could see when it went the wrong way for him, since his face contorted and flinch before he snapped back to his previous position. You hissed in his behalf.

“Ouch.” You make your way over to him. “Pull something, Captain?”

He winces and reaches behind him to rub the spot between his shoulder blades. “You could say that.”

You shook your head and sat down next to him. You lean back to get a look and poke the spot. Warrior instant sits a little straighter to alleviate the pressure you’ve put there. “Hey- don’t.”

“Hold on.” You cut him off instead and turn him around so you wouldn’t have to pull your own muscle in the process.

You press your thumbs into the spot and slowly begin to move in small circles, slowly loosening up the area before you start to move the muscles back into place.

Warrior was tense at first but within seconds he relaxed to your touch and slumped enough to make it easier on you. “That.... feels a lot better thank you.”

“You’re not one to usually injure yourself, Captain.” You say under your breath. Unlike most of the guys here, you don’t intend to broadcast your scolding. “How did you manage this?”

Warrior stays silent but one small look forward tells you that he’s actually think about what to say. He genuinely has to think back to what he did that might have caused this. It feels like it should annoy you but you know better. Anyone else would have probably assumed that it meant that he had so many instances that he would have to go through each one to pin point the cause for this effect.

But in reality, Warrior took great pride in not getting so often on the battle field. He’s probably just trying to think about how he actually to hard on himself even if it was split second decision that he’s currently paying for.

“I threw my sword.”

You stop entirely. “I beg your pardon?”

“I threw my sword.” Warrior cups the back of his neck sheepishly. “Hyrule was going to be overtaken by the amount of monsters around him. I wouldn’t have been able to run that fast... but my sword could make it in time if I-”

“I can’t believe you.” You message the spot once more with a little less empathy than before.

Right. He’s still a Link. How could you forget?”

“...Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.” You say a little louder. “You’re the one that took yourself out at the end of the day.”

“...I think I looked cool though.”

Hyrule laughs on the other side of the growing fire. “Yeah. He looked pretty cool when he came in to save my hide. He jumped in like a bat out of hell.”

You deadpan. “Good grief.”

Wind

It was a long day of walking.

You were used to it at this point. You loved to go on walks and hikes up the mountains by your home, so this was nothing- but others... weren’t as well prepared for the travel as you thought they would be,

“Ah!” Wind cried out falling beside you.

You didn’t hesitate to fall down next to him, trying to catching him before he would have hit his face on the sharp rocks on the trail. “Wind? What happened?”

He whines and tries to push himself up but instead he just rolls over. “I have a cramp in my leg.”

You move to give him room as he props himself up his elbows. “It hurts.”

You sit softly on your knees and begin to poke around. “Where?”

He takes a deep breath. “Left leg, above my shoe.”

“Your calf then.” You hop over him and sit down on that side. You take your leg and start to move your hand down the length of the muscle. Wind grits his teeth, choking on the sound that threatened to leave his mouth.

“Hold on, this won’t take too long.” You pat his knee and continue putting the muscle back into place. “Remind me to yell at Time for pushing you this far. You’re not used to this much walking.”

“I can keep up just as well as the other guys.” He spits. There’s no small amount of venom to his voice, but you ignore it. You’ve had cramps before. You’re about to go off on him about his tone just because he’s hurting.

You keep at it, massaging the muscle. It fights you and poor Wind has to pay for it. Eventually, your “disappearance” garners the attention of the rest of the group. You can hear Sky and Wild calling for the both of you.

You sigh and call back to them. “We’re here! Give us a minute!”

They don’t seem to trust your words because they right next to you not even thirty seconds later. Sky’s jaw drops as he rushes next to Wind. “What happened?”

“Wind’s leg cramped up. He fell over.” You don’t look at the other hero, simply focusing on helping the boy feel better and get back on his own two feet.

Wind looks away from Sky in shame, blushing at being caught. Sky frowns and glares. “We’re done for today.”

Wind’s eyes widen, he goes to reach for him but Sky leaves his reach too quickly. “Sky-!”

“This isn’t ok.” He snaps back. “I’m telling the others to call it. We all need a break.”

“Here.” Wild hands Wind a small vial. “This’ll help.”

Wind takes it begrudgingly, pouting as he sips on it. “Thanks.”

You snort, running your hands down his leg one more time. “That should do it. Do you think you can stand?”

You stand up and hold out your hand. Wind takes it and with your help, gets back onto his feet. He wobbles for a second before he starts to walk again. It’s clear he doesn’t trust his own feet before be can limp back to the others. Wind drinks the rest of the potion.

You frown. He’s still not where you would like him to be. “Come on. Break time.”

Part 3

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #lu x reader

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vickyvicarious · 6 months

Note

Hello! I was wondering what you make of Seward's phrase "is it possible that love is all subjective or all objective?" I've seen people allude to different meanings on the phrase but I can't quite figure out what it means

I wanted to wait until after 11 October to answer this ask, just so I didn't have to spoiler for the context of my reply. Which is that... my instinct is to oppose Jonathan and Seward's loves for this one. Specifically, in their reactions to the women they love becoming vampires. (I'm choosing Jack specifically to talk about because we get in his head more than we do for the other suitors, though by actions one could argue they fall more on the same side as he does.)

Firstly, let's take a brief moment to talk about the specific words used. Subjective generally means dictated by personal taste, and objective would be based on fact or truth. So, a love that is all one or the other could be very different depending on what the person you love is like. For example, an objective love would appreciate someone's virtues, while a subjective one might find things to love even in their flaws. Or on a larger scale, and much more relevant to how the phrase is used in the book... what would happen when the person you love is becoming a vampire, a creature that is factually and objectively evil and wrong? How would you react, how would you feel?

It depends on your type of love.

Jonathan's love is all subjective. Even though he absolutely hates and despises vampires, once he knows Mina is at risk of becoming one he resolves to join her if need be. He sees her rejected by God when the communion wafer burns her forehead, and he says 'actually no, I think the holiest kind of love is the one that would lead me to join her in her unholy state'. Even when Mina outright appeals to him to kill her if she is too far gone - an appeal to his objective understanding, for him to express his love in a way that confronts the truth of what she would become - Jonathan remains silent and in doing so refuses to make that promise. It's implied that he would be willing to fight the other men in order to protect her, even though they are his allies and friends. His beliefs warp around the shape of his love. He will destroy himself and others for the sake of his love, even if he knows through painful experience how objectively evil vampires are.

Jack's love meanwhile is all objective. Even though he didn't fully understand what a vampire was, he began to lose his love for Lucy as soon as he saw her acting in that way. In fact every time she was acting out of character to be more vampiric before her death, he seemed to notice and be a little put off by it, even though he didn't really seem to realize so much at the time. He outright says this quote when he is watching vampire!Lucy and realizing that he doesn't feel as horrible about mutilating the body of the woman he loved as he would have expected. When he learns Lucy has become a monster, he begins to feel repulsed by her - a process completed when he sees her up close and outright says his love for her is gone: "At that moment the remnant of my love passed into hate and loathing; had she then to be killed, I could have done it with savage delight." His determination to destroy the Thing she now is completely separates her in his mind from her living self. His love gives way to the objective facts. He will help to kill her, and gladly, because what she has become disgusts him... because what she has become is objectively evil.

Obviously, their experiences are different, and perhaps it's not quite such a true binary. Mina's gradual transformation, combined with Jonathan's pre-existing knowledge, is quite different from Jack's abrupt introduction to Lucy's vastly changed self and to the idea of the supernatural at all. But for the purposes of examining this quote, I think it works quite well to set them up at opposite ends of that scale.

It's also kind of curious because it calls back to another great line of Seward's: "(Mem., under what circumstances would I not avoid the pit of hell?)" The context of that line is Seward struggling to resist his dark impulses with regards to his treatment of Renfield. And he says this after having noticed himself actively doing something he says he'd normally avoid like the pit of hell, so that means he was approaching it until he caught himself. This is a struggle he repeatedly faces with Renfield, finding himself longing for a cause that he would consider it worthwhile abandoning his morals for, so that he could just give in to these urges.

But while Jack Seward is the person most drawn to the darkness, as we get introduced to the vampires are representatives of the ultimate darkness he backs firmly away. It's only in isolation that he feels so attracted to amoral experimentation; when together with his friends he pulls himself back to be more firmly opposed. His treatment of Renfield is a mess the entire time, don't get me wrong. He never really does right by him. But he doesn't seem to feel that same urge to push him in such a cruel way merely for his own interest/satisfaction. It becomes in the service of a greater goal, the objectively good idea of fighting Dracula. (Again, not saying his methods are good, but his motivation shifts.) He's always been conscious of an idea of what is right to do and he actively tries to follow that, with much greater success when not left to his own devices.

Meanwhile Jonathan has never felt such an intense draw to the darkness. He survived months alone surrounded by evil influences, and it only increased his determination to remain himself/human. He hates the vampires and he feels no true allure to the idea of being like them (outside the allure everyone feels when being hypnotized by them, etc.). He wanted nothing more than a normal happy life, he never longed for a cause that would be worth throwing his morals away. And yet, when Mina begins to turn we see Jonathan decide that this is the circumstance under which he will not avoid the pit of hell. This is the cause he can dedicate himself to as fully as any madman. Jonathan never felt the need to philosophize about trying to avoid such things before he was exposed to them by others, because he has no inherent urge to seek them out. But he also lacks that restrictive hold when a reason does come along.

(To visualize: if there's a pit, then Jack is the person who keeps wandering closer, desperately wanting to lean over the edge and see what's inside. Knowing this about himself, he's tied a rope around his waist to ensure he doesn't slip too far. Jonathan never even went near until he abruptly decides to sprint up and swan-dive straight into it when he thinks Mina's fallen in.)

#dracula daily #jack seward #jonathan harker #anonymous #replies #my meta #dracula meta

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