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#i will NOT be held responsible for the existence of this gifset

weiwuxian · 3 years

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SUGAR, SPICE, and EVERYTHING NICE.

These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little boy. But Professor Lan Qiren accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: chemical X. Thus, the Powerpuff Boys were born! Using their altered superpowers, Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!

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backofthebookshelf · 3 years

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The DMCA and You; or, why Tumblr won’t get sued over Post+

I keep seeing people saying “doesn’t Tumblr understand they’re inviting an avalanche of lawsuits” and being baffled that people think this, and then I remembered that most of you were not both alive and in fandom in 1998 and therefore probably haven’t spent hours reading through the DMCA trying to figure out exactly how it was going to screw us. (Turns out we were right, but not nearly pessimistic enough.) So gather ‘round, children, it’s time for another bout of fandom history.

You have to understand what the internet looked like in 1998. Most people didn’t have internet access at home, and for those who did, you got a whopping 54 kbps (yes, that’s kilobytes per second) (compare that to 4G wireless, which 14 Mbps, not to mention, you know, wireless) unless you wanted to shell out for ISDN, which was twice the speed and five times the cost. Only 47% of American adults “went online” at all, never mind the two to six hours per day that current internet users are estimated to spend.

And I mean, why would you? There wasn’t that much there. If you wanted to post something online, your first and best option was to pay for web hosting of your own, or mooch off a friend’s. Or you could get a Geocities site, which would be plastered with ads and limited you to such a small amount of storage that you couldn’t have more than a couple dozen low-resolution images at best, or you could post on a message board (which would be essentially mooching off of a friend’s paid web hosting, because most sites that hosted message boards were just some guy who wanted to have a place to chat with his friends that wasn’t a Yahoo! email list), where you might get permission to post three or four images at a time. Music? Rude, takes up too much bandwidth, don’t do that to people. Video? You’re hilarious. (I once left my computer on for a week while I attempted to illegally download a copy of Velvet Goldmine but I finally gave up and got it from the video store instead.)

But still, at the time that was magic, and as more and more stuff found its way online, somebody who held a copyright somewhere (read: music studios and Disney) realized they had to get out in front of things. And into this brave new world came the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which was passed in 1998 and was already skewing the shape of the internet of the future when it came into effect in 2000.

It did a lot of dumb things but the one we’re concerned about is the “safe harbor” provision, which basically says that in the case of an online copyright infringement, there are three parties: the infringer, the copyright holder, and the internet host, and the host is not a part of the copyright dispute.

Prior to this, if Sony or Disney or whoever found an illegal copy of their intellectual property (read: an mp3 or an avi) online, they’d go after whoever owned the server it lived on. Which made sense! If you find stolen TVs in someone’s basement, you go after the guy who owns the basement, and “I didn’t know my deadbeat brother in law was stealing TVs” is something you’ll have to prove in a court of law.

But internet companies like Geocities and Yahoo! and anyone else who offered random users the chance to post things on the internet using a free account said wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense. Because the internet is not like a physical basement; we have no reason to see someone carrying stolen mp3s down the basement stairs, and the scale is such that we couldn’t see all of them if we tried (unless we banned all mp3s, which means goodbye, MySpace, and goodbye indie bands). You wouldn’t go after a landlord in New York because their tenant in New Jersey is stealing TVs, would you?

So the DMCA said fine, we understand that the internet as it currently exists, and as it is attempting to exist (remember this is still the height of the dot.com boom and people are making money hand over fist by just owning websites), can’t operate if we try to do this. So instead of letting big companies sue big companies over copyright law, we’ll let big companies sue individual humans over copyright violations. That’s much more fair.

Of course most of what resulted wasn’t lawsuits at all; it was individuals getting threatening letters from Sony and Disney promising them that they were planning to sue but if you, Joe User, will just delete the thing you posted from the internet, we’re willing to make this all go away. And people did, because fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney?

The DMCA is the reason tumblr exists in the first place (not to mention twitter, and facebook, and essentially the entire part of the internet that isn’t either an ad or a news website). Technically, if tumblr was responsible for copyright violations, they’re already a prime target for a lawsuit, because they’re running ads on a website where people post copyright violations on a daily basis. Adding the opportunity for you to make money off your copyright violations doesn’t make them any more liable than they already are, which is not at all.

So here’s what predict will happen with Post+ at the beginning: absolutely nothing. A few people will monetize gifsets or fanfiction or vids and no one will pay attention and no one will care. But some small creators, people who post original fiction, people who post craft patterns, people who post insightful analysis, will start using it as part of their actual revenue stream. Sooner or later someone will be making enough money that it pings someone’s radar, and sooner or later someone making money will slip up and post something that could plausibly be a copyright violation, and they won’t get sued. They’ll get a takedown notice, a threatening letter from whoever owns the thing they infringed upon (...so Disney), and they’ll pull the thing. But it’s hard to pull things from the internet, much harder than it used to be, and nearly impossible the way tumblr works. So they get another takedown notice. Or Disney’s lawyers go through their blog with a fine-toothed comb and they start getting more and more unreasonable takedown notices, but now they’re scared and fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney? So they take their blog down entirely, and now that person is a little bit poorer and Disney is out the cost of four or five stamps and envelopes and the time their lawyer spent fifteen years ago drafting the takedown notice template.

I guarantee you that the people who decided to implement this know that this is going to happen, and they do not care. We’ve reached the “we could make this website work if we could just get rid of fandom” stage, which never ends well for the website but they never seem to learn that. So please, please don’t try to monetize fandom content on the assumption that tumblr is going to be the one to get slapped with a lawsuit for it, that’s just not how it works. It never has been and it never will be.

#tumblr is a website #fandom history #copyright law #psa

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ohhthereuare · 3 years

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cannot believe we’re back to shipping wars in the year of our lord 2021 but with the overwhelmingly stupid cancel culture and moral police on every corner making it almost impossible to simply enjoy stuff these days I had to chime in my 5 kruge cents or else I’d choke

nobody gives a flying fuck about who you ship and neither should you because this is very rarely up to you. it’s like a god-chosen enlightenment, a sudden rush of serotonin that mysteriously dictates what’s gonna rock your boat from now on. that is great. grab that wheel and get on with it.

you don’t have to justify any of that. and I wish it was clear enough but apparently it still isn’t that villains are called villains for a reason and murder is murder no matter the motive. we know. trust me we do. but I guess that’s half the charm of a work of fiction that a character can be interesting despite its flaws. hell most of the time it’s interesting thanks to its flaws. when you say you like them it doesn’t mean you run to justify their sins and therefor imply these new moral conclusions to your everyday life and real people in it. it just means that this particular fictional creature makes your brain go happy. be them a ball of sunshine or a ball of darkness. you’ll enjoy their actions in a specific media and then get on with your life as an intelligent, morally responsible member of a society that will definitely not go on a killing spree because a fictional guy in a cool cape that doesn’t even exist did so in a story.

now getting that lengthy introduction out of the way I cannot believe that people cannot engage in an intellectually stimulating critical thinking discourse (that back in the day we just called meta) without criticizing every thing or else apparently they’ll go to literal hell. the Darkling is overall a bad guy and Mal is overall a good guy. that’s what the story it built upon. then again both of them are grey to some extent as people are because they are people. they have thoughts and desires and justify themselves because they believe in a greater good that sometimes they personally created. there’s no reason to compare the Darkling who’s straight-up a millenium-old murderer who just happens to be very charismatic and sexy to Mal who’s more human and the mistakes he makes are less of the murderous nature and as it unfortunately happens he’s just more plain. I’d be happy with Alina ending with either of them, knowing full well that there would be good and bad sides to either of the endings. even if the positive outcome of Alina ending up with the bad guy was only a sense of aesthetic fulfillment. that is all. I can say I see and understand the manipulation and the toxicity and still enjoy a power couple dressed in black cloaks the same way I’d enjoy childhood sweethearts leading a safe and quite life. whatever rocks my boat.

if we look at Leigh Bardugo’s work in a simple, quite superficial way then yes it is the question of black and white, good and bad. but it’s more than that and it’s one of the many reasons why it’s one of my favorite books series ever (let’s not go all JKR on her because as I’ve seen some of you do because apart from obvious situations no creator of anything should to held to impossibly pure moral standards making their work morally flawless because it’s based on their own personal experience and it’s impossible to stop some of it from seeping into the work itself even if you personally might find it problematic but they’re human just like you and me and I cannot believe I even have to type this rn). now I’m not wasting my time writing this essay and you reading it to stir up a ship war and I am NOT here as a darklina shipper because in the end I was quite happy with malina getting their happily ever after. but I cannot STAND this sudden wave of frantic justification and of hate towards it because it’s all missing the point.

the Darkling is a villain. the Darkling is a human being (to some extent). the Darkling is the bad character but he’s more grey than black and it’s Alina’s own opinion. THAT’s what’s so interesting about their relationship. he hurt her and the people she loved and hurt people she didn’t even know only to pin the blame on her to guilt trip her to do his bidding. we know it’s toxic and manipulative. Alina knows that too. she hates him and fears him and at times would kill him without hesitation. but she also comes back to him and can’t help but marvel and his beauty and genuinely sheds a tear when he falls. it’s hard to say whether she loves him to some extent, I think even she wasn’t sure and felt quite guilty about it. there’s was a strange pull she couldn’t deny, a wicked sense of understanding that could not be matched by anyone else. despite their chemistry she couldn’t overlook the murder part and that’s who she chose. that’s also who she became because if she had accepted his offer and went down that powerful path we would have been given a completely different story with Alina being a different character. it’s that magic of fiction that lets you explore such extremes but it still is just fiction. it’s okay to type lengthy essays about it to pick it apart and examine with interest but there’s very little point to criticize something so obvious or defend the impossible.

now still on the topic of the Darkling that’s what I love about the show. how Ben Barnes looked for the human parts in him (which is also literally his job as an actor to find parts of the character that he could sympathize with idk why are y’all so surprised and scandalized and y’all better leave my man Ben alone). parts that might have been lonely and misunderstood because that’s how the Darkling saw himself. he had to justify his own actions somehow because he believed he was right. a bad villain is bad by nature. a good villain makes you question whether he’s really bad, makes you justify his villainous actions with him. showing the Darkling express real emotions towards Alina, hope for their shared future, tears in his eyes as she turns her back on him just made him that much more interesting and multidimensional as a great character should be. a great character can still be a murderer. a murderer can still be a great character. it has nothing to do with them being a good person. but it doesn’t erase the toxic behaviors just by being sexy the same way that toxic behaviors have a hard time erasing the sexy part and if you find it sexy in fiction that’s great go on reblogging passionate darklina gifsets and if you can’t stand it even on paper that’s fine too enjoy your heartwarming malina handholding posts. fill in your “rip to alina but I’m different” preferable scenario and let it bring you joy.

Leigh Bardugo is a great author. Ben Barnes is a great actor. actually all the actors are great actors and they did a marvelous job of bringing our beloved characters to life and we cannot even imagine the burden of responsibility they must have felt. let’s try to be less negative and more grateful for a really well-done book adaptation and surround ourselves with people that share our likes and dislikes in a respectful and positive manner and hopefully not foolishly trust that people can tell the good from the bad in real life and still enjoy both in a work of fiction.

#shadow and bone #sab #shadow and bone netflix #the darkling #general kirigan #leigh bardugo #darklina #spoilers #sab spoilers

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princeescaluswords · 3 years

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*puts on the funny looking hat of Fandom Logic* Lydia's banshee powers laid dormant so long and for why? Have you stopped to think how in that time, she suspiciously had Stiles obsessing over her? Knowing her measurements? That dastardly druid boy must have been siphoning her Banshee spark for years to try resurrecting his mom. And he never told her what she was! When he is a genius with a 200 IQ and an expert in all things Supernatural.

I look forward to your questions, because they always tend to make me smile. This particular question demonstrates the same level of imaginative skill and, forgive me, projective paranoia that it took for various BNF to interpret Season 5B’s plot to mean that Scott conspired with Deucalion to trick Theo into murdering Josh and Tracy.

You see, they can’t point to a single scene where Scott tells Deucalion to kill anyone. They can’t point to a single scene where Deucalion kills anyone. They can’t point to a single scene where Deucalion tells Theo to kill anyone. They ignore the scenes where Deucalion mocks Theo for killing Josh and Tracy. If you use the logic that Deucalion taught Theo how to take power, which is why Theo kidnapped him, and that makes Deucalion responsible, you still can’t connect that to anything Scott did or said.

You know what the difference is between your far-fetched theory of Stiles suppressing Lydia’s power and their paranoid fantasy that Scott ordered Deucalion to murder just Tracy and Josh, and not Corey or Hayden (with whom Deucalion was alone) or maybe even Theo? Aside from canon characterization, canon plot, and common sense? You don’t seriously mean it, and they do.

Oh, and the racism.

On this post, all the usual suspects came and told me that not only are they not motivated by racism in their hatred of Scott, but they can’t be because Scott isn’t Latino. Their argument? Well, no one ever came out and declared that he was word-for-word on the show (though somehow the fact that Derek, Peter, Jennifer, Deucalion, Chris, Noah, Melissa, Stiles and Deaton all said that Scott is a good person and a True Alpha does not make that statement true).

That’s all you need to see the racism. Latinos must declare themselves as such, or they’re not. The idea that to be a minority you must be written a specific way to be identified as a minority is in itself racist. All you have to do is look and you’ll see the footprints of racism in this fandom, which they can deny and deny and deny, but the double standards are easily found and they show up in their meta and they show up in their fanfiction and their gifsets and their snide-ass comments they put in the #scott mccall tag on Tumblr. There’s no other explanation for their interpretations but Scott’s not white.

I would love to hear the explanation of why it’s okay for them to write that Scott is responsible for Tracy and Josh’s death, while also writing that Peter cares for his family so much, especially when if you use their own arguments, Peter is responsible for Derek’s temporary death in Smoke & Mirrors (4x12). Peter was in conspiracy with Kate just as much as Scott was in conspiracy with Deucalion and Chris, so it stands to reason if Theo, who was being manipulated by Deucalion, killed Josh so that makes Scott responsible, then if the Berserker, who was being manipulated by Kate, temporarily killed Derek, so that makes Peter responsible.

You will most likely never hear this idea anywhere else. You will most likely never read about Peter’s sheer disdain for his family. Because while fandom likes to trumpet that it’s about exploring all possible combinations and deep reading, you won’t get this level of critical and accusative analysis about hot white men.

To them, that’s not racism. After all, Peter’s a villain! And Derek and Chris are as well in the first two seasons. The answer, of course, is to look seriously at the way they treat some hot white male non-villains.

Let’s look at how these supposedly better white male characters treat women. Stiles is prepared to make out with Lydia when she’s drugged up to the gills, shouts at her until she dances with him, spends an entire weekend waiting for her in a hospital, buys her a ridiculous amount of gifts for her birthday, among other expressions of romantic attraction. Isaac, on the other hand, wants to kill Lydia because she turned him down for a date, assaults Allison on Derek’s orders, and becomes sexually attracted and romantically involved with Allison who hunted down his packmates and stabbed him a lot. But I’ve never seen a single of one of these anti-Scott BNF call Stiles or Isaac ‘sexually obsessed!’ That’s only Scott who embodies for them the Latin Lover stereotype and who is excoriated in fan fiction and on Tumblr for the singular and unheralded crime of paying attention to his girlfriend.

I don’t know what the difference is, but apparently, it’s not racism.

Or how many of the hundreds (if not thousands) of stories have you read where Stiles shuns, punishes, strips Scott of his wolf with his super-duper magical powers, or literally kills Scott because he demonstrated his disloyalty and unworthiness by not submitting to Derek and/or Peter? Yet, there may be one or two stories in the nearly 120,000 Teen Wolf fanfictions on AO3 where Stiles reacts at all to Isaac abandoning Derek (and disliking Peter) and joining Scott’s pack. If fanfictions are transformative, and it’s only natural that they create stories where Stiles acts as the avenging angel for the poor widdle Hales, there would have to be stories where he avenges them against Isaac. Wouldn’t there?

I’d bet there are less than five, but apparently, it’s not racism.

And then there’s the terrible, terrible Neck Grab o’ Doom which is brought up again and again in fiction and commentary, which Fanon Stiles cannot stomach (even though canon Stiles argued for leaving Derek in the hands of his rapist). To them he must end his friendship with Scott over this dastardly crime, motivated as it was by pure animus (which is what they’re calling the threat of Scott watching Allison’s throat get ripped out). Scott was working with Gerard under duress, but to Stiles, that’s irrelevant. They can’t be around each other anymore. How many stories are there about this, do you think? Now compare that to the number of stories where Stiles drives Liam from the pack for his beating Scott to the point of death while working with Theo.

I’ve never seen one. Stiles is far more interested in who Liam is dating, but apparently, it’s not racism.

I can go on and on and on and on, and point out that these aren’t 40-60 splits. The preponderance of stories where Scott is held reprehensible for actions that white characters take and ignored without comment are incredibly lopsided, overwhelmingly in favor of turning the Latino hero into a monster while Stiles, Liam, and Isaac are “baby” who must be excused for their mistakes.

But Scott was written so badly! These BNF cry. Then where are the fix-its? If the story was so unsatisfying, and fanfiction exists to give us what canon didn’t, where are the fix-its where the story is written to give us Scott as a hero they can get behind.

Oh, they exist, but just with stories that approach white character’s misdeeds, they are in the extreme minority. The vast majority of fix-its aren’t about correcting the mistakes the production made in the presentation of the main character, they are about saving the Hale family or making sure that Derek stays alpha or telling how Stiles dropped his life-long loyalty to his best friend and switched to either of the Hot White Hales, either the middle-aged serial killer or the young adult would-be serial killer, overwhelmingly. And above all, Scott is put in his place - dead or unimportant or subservient or any combination of the three.

They don’t dislike Scott because he’s Latino, they’ll repeatedly tell you, even though he shares traits with every single white non-villain character on the show, even though the show is focused on his growth and the traits that he doesn’t share with them. Not at all. They dislike him because ... they dislike him! And instead of fixing what they don’t like about him, they’re going to demonstrate how much they don’t like him by repeating again and again just how ... bad he was. Remember, the transformative nature of fandom is to give us what the show didn’t.

And apparently, this is not motivated by racism.

#stiles stilinski #scott mccall #isaac lahey #liam dunbar #fandom racism #teen wolf racism #scott mccall defense squad #russianspacegeckosexparty

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niallloverontheloose · 3 years

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https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/647720374839214080/puts-on-the-funny-looking-hat-of-fandom-logic#notes

@russianspacegeckosexparty: Lydia’s banshee powers laid dormant so long and for why? Have you stopped to think how in that time, she suspiciously had Stiles obsessing over her? Knowing her measurements? That dastardly druid boy must have been siphoning her Banshee spark for years to try resurrecting his mom. And he never told her what she was! When he is a genius with a 200 IQ and an expert in all things Supernatural.

@princeescaluswords:

Oh, and the racism.

I don’t know what the difference is, but apparently, it’s not racism.

I’d bet there are less than five, but apparently, it’s not racism.

I’ve never seen one. Stiles is far more interested in who Liam is dating, but apparently, it’s not racism.

They don’t dislike Scott because he’s Latino, they’ll repeatedly tell you, even though he shares traits with every single white non-villain character on the show, even though the show is focused on his growth and the traits that he doesn’t share with them. Not at all. They dislike him because … they dislike him! And instead of fixing what they don’t like about him, they’re going to demonstrate how much they don’t like him by repeating again and again just how bad he was. Remember, the transformative nature of fandom is to give us what the show didn’t.

And apparently, this is not motivated by racism

~*~*~

“Stiles is prepared to make out with Lydia when she’s drugged up to the gills, shouts at her until she dances with him”

Isn’t it curious that the rabid Scott/Posey Stans who accuse Teen Wolf fans of painting Scott as a rapist are the very same ones who systematically ignore canon and try to paint Stiles – a canonical neuroatypical character – as a rapist? It doesn’t matter than Stiles respects women (unlike Scott) and never shouted at Lydia until she danced with him, or that Stiles went to visit Lydia because he was worried about her and to investigate on the Alpha with Natalie’s permission, or that Scott is the one who wanted to leave Derek in his rapist’s clutches in canon. Antis will make shit up in order to paint the character they are obsessed with as a rapist to make Scott look “better”.

But let’s take a look at how Scott McCall, this supposedly better male character, treats women in the series, shall we?

• spies on Allison while she’s undressing

• tells his mom that she doesn’t care about her love life and that he’s going to get Allison back

• creeps into Allison’s bedroom without her or her parents’ consent to watch her sleep

• forces Allison to go out with Matt (her stalker) to get Allison’s mom off his back

• yells at Allison in the middle of a crowded club and makes her cry just because she prioritized innocent people’s life above Scott’s jealous fits and temper tantrums

• stares at Allison’s ass at gym class

• calls Allison psychotic for setting boundaries

• creeps on Allison in the showers (guess he was prepared to make out with her, too)

• pushes his tongue down Allison’s throat to convince her to to break up with him because “I know we are gonna be together

• physically assaults Isaac just because he dared to like and interact with his ex girlfriend

• pushes Allison against her bedroom’s door to prove how ‘strong’ and ‘right’ he is

• gets boners whenever he’s in close proximity with Allison

• lies to Kira to control her and then cheats on her with Malia

And these are only a few canon examples at the top of my head – feel free to add to the list if you want

Scott treating girls (and Stiles) like an exclusive property of his and being sexually obsessed with Allison (his password and username is Allison) is NOT a Latino thing: it’s a Scott McCal thing.

As for Scott conspiring with Deucalion behind everyone’s back to kill Josh and Tracy, that’s not a fanon theory. That’s Canon. Deucalion could have easily stopped Theo from killing Josh and Tracy if he wanted; but he didn’t. And we know Scott couldn’t care less about chimera victims, that’s why he patted Deucalion on the back for pushing Theo to kill his own pack.

#anti scott mccall #anti tyler posey #submission

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ipaintmylipsred · 4 years

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she’s more of an artemis in muddy laces. than a venus in furs.

day 4. jonrya week 2020. teacher/student au. rating: M title from boys by henry jamison link to gifset by @youcancalllmequeenjane :)

“Stop staring at me,” Arya grumbles in the dark room. She’s on her back, eyes glued to the overhead light that’s off, trying to focus on something, anything other than the man to her left, and the look of pity he’s directing her way.

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression” Jon responds, his attempt at simultaneously feigning sleep while secretly gawking at Arya for the last half hour, finally forgotten. Of all the things he could have said, this has got to be the worst.

“Please, just stop,” Arya snaps, turning her neck to face him. She had meant to give him a glare, the kind her mother uses to shut her up. She must fail at it miserably, there’s nothing stern in the way her bottom lip quivers or how tears have crept in the corners of her eyes. Jon doesn’t look subdued but sympathetic, and the hopeful chance he might keep quiet dissolves when he opens his mouth.

“Arya,” it’s slightly louder than a whisper, letting in more emotion than he’d ever normally allow. The soft way he says her name warms her like the heat of a summer sun, it’s a familiar feeling and a dangerous game when she’s already been burned. She chooses to ignore both it and him.

“Arya,” he repeats louder. There it is, the authoritative tone she’s used to. The sharp edges of his voice pulling her out of this air-conditioned hotel room and into the stuffy, off-white walls of his classroom.

“Mr. Snow” Arya barks back, making Jon’s face fall. She doesn’t know if it’s from the cold formality or the fact he’s always hated his surname, or rather, the lack of one. His ability to remain unaffected being called by it daily, after years of despising it, still surprises her.

“Don’t do that,” he murmurs, raking a hand through his hair. Arya wants to reach across the inches that separate them and do it herself. Over the last decade, Jon made a habit of mussing her hair, it’s an affection she’s always on the brink of trying to return. Instinctively, her fingers twitch, but she busies them with the white sheet tucked around her waist instead. She’s embarrassed herself enough for one night.

“Let’s just pretend it never happened,” she adds, her attempt of sounding calm and composed thwarted by the lump in her throat.

“Arya, listen, I care about you, but-”

“If you cared about me, at all, Jon, you would stop right there, because I’m willing to bet my left tit, that I’m going to hate whatever else comes out of that stupid mouth of yours,” Arya retorts, relieved for how quickly that shuts him up.

“I’m just going to get some sleep then,” Jon states resolved. The only remnants of their disagreement are displayed by the soft fabric that remains tightly held in Jon’s fisted hands and the steady pull of the comforter toward his side of the bed.

“Thank God,” Arya bites back, petulant, jerking the blanket back to cover herself, and turning her backside to him.

“I knew this was going to be a bad idea,” Jon mumbles, turning to face the wall.

“How prophetic of you”.

“Can you stop being such a smart-ass?”

“I could” Arya quips back. A satisfied smirk spreading on her lips when she hears Jon groan in response.

“Let’s just get through tonight please”.

“Yeah alright, because after tonight we will only have to see each other for the plane ride tomorrow, where we’re sitting side by side, the next three months where we’re sitting in the same room, and the rest of our lives, where we will be sitting many places, I hope for my sake, that John Krasinki’s face will be one of them,” She can feel the bed shake from the vibration of Jon’s laughter, it’s rhythm unsteady and unwilling to be contained. A smile creeps onto her own face, always pleased with herself at getting Jon Snow to smile, but then she remembers what he said, what she did, and what he didn’t, and the smile is gone.

“So, yeah, let’s just get through tonight then, yeah?” Arya says, reiterating Jon’s earlier proposal.

“That’s not what I meant,” Jon counters, flipping onto his back.

“I’m sorry,” Arya begins, craning her neck to look behind, Jon’s right hand is crossed awkwardly on his chest, hovering above his left arm like he jerked it back quickly only seconds before. “Understanding what you meant hasn’t exactly been my strong suit tonight”.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it,” he doesn’t sound cruel, not that he ever would, it’s never been Jon’s way. She can feel his eyes on her, soft and lonely, like they always seem to be. It’s how he had been looking at her earlier, when he’d said those damned words, convincing Arya to act on the affection she hides and play the fool by kissing him.

“I don’t,” Arya huffs out in frustration.

“Alright then, goodnight Arya”.

After ten unsuccessful minutes and the inability to think of anything other than Jon’s words, rejection, and eyes, Arya gives up on trying to sleep. She reaches out, flicks the bedside lamp on, and sits up in the bed, arms crossed at her chest.

“Why did you say that?” Arya asks, giving in to her own selfish need of knowing. Curiosity has always left her with far more wounds than anything physical and she knows tonight it will add another cut.

“Say what?” Jon asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and turning to look at her.

“Don’t make me say it,” Arya whispers, biting her lip. Jon sits up in the bed, the closeness of their bodies heightened in the shared space. He raises his hand, scratching lightly at his beard, deciding. Deciding on the best way to take them back, most likely.

“Because it’s the truth,” he resolves. Arya can’t help the bark of laughter that escapes her throat when he says it, because of all the reasons, she had not expected to hear that.

“Then, why-?”

“Because it’s a truth that doesn’t exist.” Jon says, tearing his eyes away from Arya to focus on his hands.

“That’s weird, I was here talking to you and then I blinked myself into a calculus lesson,” Arya says scooting closer to him.

“I shouldn’t have said it,” Jon says, finally meeting her eyes. Arya drops her gaze downward, a disappointed oh slipping from her lips. “Not because it’s not the truth,” Jon says, reaching for her left hand. Holding her breath, Arya watches him stroke his thumb against her own, and it feels, right. She knows that this is right. Everything about her and Jon always has been. When she looks to Jon’s face, his eyes are concentrated on where their hands are joined, the barest of smiles on his lips, and she knows he must feel the same, even as he pulls his hand away and leaves the bed. “You’re my student, you’re seventeen years old, and you’re my best friend’s little sister” Jon finishes, pacing the floor like a trapped animal.

“So,” Arya responds, crawling to the edge of the bed, knees folded beneath her. Her one word response ceases Jon’s pacing, and he’s standing in front of her, a look of shock straining his features.

“So?” he says, sounding almost offended. Arya wants to laugh, but she doubts Jon finds anything about their situation funny. She reaches out and grabs his hands instead, pulling him closer to the bed, and finds herself surprised he’s allowing it.

“Yeah, so? I’ll graduate in three months and turn eighteen in even less”.

“You’re still Robb’s little sister” Jon says, his voice holds guilt, but his hands still hold her.

“Is that the only reason?” Arya asks, understanding while simultaneously trying to understand. She pulls him down to sit beside her, and is relieved at how easily he allows this too.

“Reason?” Jon mumbles in confusion. If Arya weren’t so on edge about his response, she’d call him daft, but he looks almost ready to flee so Arya falls back onto something she has a limited use for, patience.

“Is that the only reason you didn’t kiss me back?” Arya asks, watching Jon for a reaction, she’s still holding onto him with one hand, her knee nearly touching his thigh, but his eyes are fixated somewhere on the floor.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” he sounds lost, and Arya thinks that if he allows it, allows this, allows her, he might be found.

“Look at me Jon,” she commands, the uncertainty of her nerves hiding within the confidence of her voice. He complies, lifting his gaze, hovering on the bareness of her thighs before meeting hers. Arya has never been good with boys, she’s never been conventionally pretty or anything close to delicate. She’s competitive and her skills with sports natural, but the game-playing mentality of dating has always seemed boring and her ability to read signals impossible. She’s inept at knowing if and what a boy wants from her or what she wants from them. Or maybe none of that’s true. Maybe it’s that she’s never wanted anything from any of them to begin with. Maybe she’s only ever wanted what’s right in front of her. Because when his eyes do reach hers, there’s a warm, hungry feeling in her stomach and a sensation of novelty as it travels, stills and burns between her thighs. She knows with absolution what it is that Jon Snow wants, by looking at him. He wants nothing less than to touch, taste, and devour her. And all she wants, is to let him.

“You want me,” Arya voices, sounding breathy and foreign even to herself. It’s not a question, but Jon nods all the same. It’s almost trance-like, the way his jaw tilts up to fall down, it’s the slightest transfer of movement, and when the AC starts up like an uncomfortable bystander in the room witnessing lines on the cusp of being crossed, it’s broken.

“We should get some sleep,” Jon’s deep voice sounds especially hoarse and Arya refuses for tonight to end this way. The space has grown cooler, the tension has been cut, but the goosebumps on her arms, sharing skin with freckles and scars, come from the heat of her want and not the chill of the room. Tonight can end in a dozen different ways, some she would prefer more than others, but she refuses for it end like so much of life is and will always be, unfinished.

“No,” Arya says easily, it’s a familiar word from childhood, perhaps the first one she’d ever spoken. It’s voiced when people ask less of what she is and more of what she is not. Jon blinks at her, unmoved, just watching her, pupils blown wide. She reaches out a hesitant hand, offsetting the harshness of her defiant mantra with the softness of her palm against his jawline. He shudders from the contact, and Arya knows she would give Jon anything, if his breathing continues to remain contingent on her touch. Jon has been in her life for over a decade, filling her years with sarcasm, affection, and unwavering acceptance. Jon knows her, and right now, being here with Jon, and choosing to be soft, doesn’t feel like much a choice, it doesn’t feel like coming home, it’s like remembering you were always there.

“You want me,” Arya begins, letting her hand slip from his face, a smile tugging at her lips from the frown that forms on his when she does so. “Even though I’m your student,” Arya continues, placing her hands on his shoulders, “and seventeen,” she throws a leg across his body, sitting down on his lap. “and Robb’s little sister,” His hands grip her hips roughly and she moans from the surprise and satisfaction. “you want me” she can feel his hardness, hardly contained in his sleeping pants and rocks against him, seeking friction for the wetness that’s formed in the fabric of her cotton underwear.

“We can’t,” Jon’s forehead falls against her neck and he places a chaste kiss against her heaving chest. He still holds her hips in his hands, his finger curling into the flesh of her ass. He’d been using them to guide her movements, now he was using them to keep her still.

“Tell me,”Arya says, fingering his curls and pulling him backwards forcefully. “Do you?”

“Arya,” Jon whispers, lifting one hand to wrap around her slender waist.

“I want you to say it,” Arya pleads, letting her hand fall, growing tired of being the only one wanting and fighting for it.

“This is a bad idea,” Jon counters, his grip remaining tight.

“No, not that, you’ve already said that,” Arya replies sardonically, squirming above him, wondering how someone can grow both sullen and harder at the same time.

“It is,” Jon says, defeat prevailing in both tone and the way his hands drop back to his side.

“I do,” Arya says resolute. More for herself at this point. He can dress it up, assuage his honor code, and call himself a hero, but beneath her sits a coward. “For years, I’ve wanted you” Jon watches her mouth, transfixed, as if just now realizing the source of Arya’s actions. Had he thought it sudden, her want of him? Did he think it was a few kind words and not the overwhelming attraction she’s been hiding for years that catalyzed this between them. “You were my first crush, Jon,” Jon releases a deep exhale, and Arya’s fascinated by her words, and the affect they are having on him.

“The first time I touched myself I thought of you,” Arya can hardly believe the what she’s saying at this point. Too caught up in the feel of Jon’s body between her legs and the incredulous look on his face.

“I thought it would be the tall guy from that show you’re always watching,” Jon says, finally finding the ability to speak.

“So you’ve thought about it, have you?” Arya asks coyly, making Jon’s pale face redden. It’s an unfamiliar and pretty thing, to watch him blush and not brood.

“Obviously, Jim Halpert has made a few appearances over the years, but now, the only way I can get off, is when I think of you, just last night, I pictured us in your classroom, I was sitting at that black, leather chair behind your desk, with your face between my thighs, you whispering that I’m your good girl,” The irises of Jon’s eyes have gone entirely black, and at some point his hands have wandered back along the contours of her body, one slipping beneath the hem of her shirt, the other playing with drawstring of her sleep shorts. “and then there’s no more whispering, just me, screaming your name”.

“Arya,” he breathes out,pulling her against him, and crashing his mouth hard against her own. A smile forms on her lips and Jon uses this to his advantage, slipping his tongue between them. The sensation is heady, and raw, and right, and Arya wants more. She wants everything.

“Touch me,” Arya whimpers, she will worry over how weak willed she sounds tomorrow. Tonight the moon could crash into the ocean, and while the waves consumed them, she would still be begging for him to touch her.

“I am touching you,” Jon whispers playfully, between kisses, twining his finger into her messy, brown hair.

“I’m glad you find this all humorous,” Arya groans out, pulling back to pout. “But if your fingers do not find their way into my inside of me in the next five-,” Arya keens, feeling Jon’s thumb at her clit, his index finger probing at her wet entrance, before she can even finish speaking.

#jonrya week 2020 #jonrya week #sorry for the delay!#jon x arya #jonrya #jon and arya #my fic

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softjeon · 5 years

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Save me, I’m fine | Final

• Pairing: Yoongi x Jungkook • Genre: Angst / Smut ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 15,5k | Co-Writer: @cassiavioletblue | AO3 • Disclaimer: mention of alcohol, drugs, insomnia, anxiety, abuse

↳ He was young and dark; black hair, blacker eyes and he moved with a kind of energy that reminded Yoongi of a fire burning up. Something in its final throes. […] A sudden urge to protect that boy from himself, to keep him from tearing himself apart heated his chest. But it simmered down just as quickly. He didn’t know him. And he couldn’t even handle his own life so how on earth should he ‘guide’ a lost boy like Jungkook.

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can you make it feel like home;

Yoongi had tried to be more responsible, he really had but it had kind of turned into his guilty pleasure. It was easier than to think about what was exactly between them. Yoongi didn’t want to reason about Jungkook and he wasn’t mad when his confident mask was slipping back on as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t showed up in a vulnerable state and how Yoongi hadn’t gotten lost in the younger’s eyes that night and he wasn’t so sure if he ever would get out of that maze. Maybe he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to think. He just wanted to live.

The moment Jungkook smirked at him from afar, Yoongi knew he needed to have that boy - one way or another.

Whenever he felt tense and lost or had been stuck with his music for too long to get out of this mindset himself he came to the club and he would fuck Jungkook right there. Jimin had thrown them out once, when they had stumbled into his dressing room, already undressing each other, blind to everything else but them, when the dancer had yelled at them to “get a fucking room you assholes” and “if you fuck in here one more time I’m going to tell Jin!” - which left them with a little problem right now because although Yoongi had initially wanted to do it ‘right’ and take Jungkook home or even take him out for dinner before, now after all of their casual hook ups it felt incredibly awkward to ask Jungkook out.

Their relationship was strictly physical on all levels. None of their conversations going too deep, both too scared to be hurt if they let someone in, when at the same time it was clear that something pulled them together. Yoongi couldn’t deny that he wanted to protect Jungkook, even though he had no idea what the younger was up to each time. He had seen a few strangers around Jungkook and when he had observed the barkeeper, his friend, eyeing the stranger just as warily as he did, he knew Jungkook was into some pretty deep shit again.

His own insomnia kept him awake, but his constant thoughts about Jungkook didn’t let him sleep either way. Everything circled around him. His songs. His lyrics. And he wanted Jungkook to sing for him. He was his nightingale, and so listening to his voice was Yoongi’s favorite way to fall asleep. He needed more recordings, more of Jungkook. In a way, Yoongi didn’t want to share his voice, keeping it all and Jungkook to himself, but everyone knew that if you would cage in a nightingale it would die. And how did you catch someone that didn’t want to stay? That learned to run was the only way to feel safe? Jungkook deserved a blooming garden, when he himself knew that he couldn’t provide that. He was an asshole, carrying around as much darkness as the younger. Sometimes words spilled from his lips so fast, that he didn’t realize that it could hurt someone, hurt Jungkook. He wasn’t good for him and Jungkook meant trouble for him. But as soon as he looked into his eyes again, held him, pushed into him, Yoongi was lost again. Nothing made sense and everything circled around Jungkook again.

Jungkook. Jungkook. Jungkook.

“Fuck,” Yoongi cursed as he pulled out of Jungkook again, patting the younger one’s ass and caressing over the soft skin. Jungkook looked over his shoulder and giggled, blissfully gone in his post-orgasmic state. His eyes shiny, lips plumb and red from all the biting. Yoongi definitely was fucked. He couldn’t get enough of him.

He had gotten a free day after finally, finally turning in a mixtape’s worth of songs to the underground label he had wanted to work with for practically forever and he had wanted to celebrate it. But they had mostly been fucking, just like they had now, so asking Jungkook to celebrate a personal achievement with him, the other knew nothing about, felt strange. Intimate. So, he tried to pull it off a little more casual.

“You know you got to treat yourself to something fancy every once in a while to make yourself feel worth it, right? So... do you want to join me tonight? I’d like to go all out, we could go for lamb skewers again and then grab ourselves some ice cream at that sweets place where they have caramel toffees and chocolate chip cookies the size of your palm. You in?” Because Jungkook didn’t answer right away he got a little nervous and tried to play it cool so he added, “We could go to my place after because it’s closer and fuck in a proper bed for once now that Jimin is onto us. Or if couches are your kink we could use the couch.” He’d really like to sleep with Jungkook in a bed again – even without the sex, just like the first time Jungkook had come into his apartment. He was feeling a little needy for closeness tonight and if the way Jungkook was soaking up attention in general was anything to go by he could use the affection as well.

Jungkook pulled his jeans up, looking at Yoongi a bit confused. “Are you asking me out in a fucking bathroom stall after you fucked my brains out?” He chuckled, turning to Yoongi to help him get dressed, because the other was looking a bit dazed.

Jungkook’s heart was still beating a little too fast and he could swear that it had jumped when Yoongi had asked him out. “I don’t want you to spend your money on treating me again,” Jungkook said and wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s neck to keep close to him. He had learned to accept the closeness that Yoongi was offering him. Never before did he have so much sex with just one person and no one had ever treated him so well. It definitely took some getting used to and a few, literal, pull backs from Yoongi when he was about to run again. But it was easy. Yoongi had never asked for more than what Jungkook was willing to offer and the other way around. Neither talking about their feelings and just accepting the kind of shelter both were providing for each other in a physical way. Jungkook unlocked the door and got out, followed closely by Yoongi as they made their way outside of the backdoor of the club again. It was quite a routine already. Yoongi flipped a box upside down and sat down, pulling Jungkook on his lap, sharing a cigarette in silence.

He sighed, thankful with the way he sat on Yoongi’s lap, so he hadn’t looked into his eyes. “I’d like a bed to fuck in for once,” Jungkook inhaled the smoke of the cigarette and blew it out. It was his way of saying ‘I’d like it if we go out for a meal again’.

Unfortunately, that night the lamb skewer place was closed so instead they went to get Jajangmyeon from a place at the street corner where you could sit or stand on tables or just take the food with you. As he had promised Yoongi took to the sweets store later and Jungkook had been absolutely overwhelmed by the excess supply of hard candy and toffees, lollipops and chocolate drops, chewing gum, licorice, soft fudgy desserts and cookies, most wrapped in colorful paper that looked almost too good destroy. To Yoongi it had been worth it to go there the second he realized that Jungkook was behaving like a child on Christmas; he was absolutely fascinated and his gleeful expression when the salesperson gave him a toffee for free to try out their new taste had Yoongi smiling himself. He could have watched Kook for hours like this, so young and carefree as if only the world inside the store existed for now and nothing else but them in the current moment were important. He let Jungkook chose a dessert and then bought him a little bag of sweets for later, ignoring the voice of reason that told him that what he was doing was just downright wrong and instead focusing on Jungkook’s rosy cheeks and his happy, nose-crinkling bunny smile.

After that they went to the store and bought a bottle of whiskey that Yoongi said Jungkook needed to taste. The younger wasn’t so sure if he would like it, so he quickly bought two beers on top.

He grimaced at the bitter taste of the whiskey, “That’s…strong.” Coughing a little, Yoongi burst out laughing at him and Jungkook hit him playfully. It was the perfect end to the night as they walked back to Yoongi’s apartment. Jungkook slowly got used to the taste of the whiskey and just as he was about to take another sip he realized the bottle was empty already. Pursing his lips, he pouted. “That’s not fair,” He slurred a little, stumbling behind Yoongi as he opened the door to his apartment. As soon as Jungkook felt the familiar warmth surrounding him, he smiled. “Do we have more somewhere?” Jungkook asked, wrapping his arms around Yoongi from behind like a clingy koala as he followed him into the kitchen, “I need some shots or…anything else really.”

Yoongi laughed, both at Kookie’s clinginess and his absurd request. “Boy, what kind of stomach do you have to swallow all this down and have room for more without getting a stomach ache!” Yoongi himself had opted for a sweet hotteok as dessert (that he had shared with Jungkook because how could you not with Jungkook looking all doe eyes at you) so now he had the sweetness of his dessert mixed with the taste of whisky on his tongue and it made him feel warm and relaxed and sated. He somewhere warily registered that they might have drunk a little bit too much a little too fast but then Jungkook hugged him again and all his caution went out the window.

“If you promise not to curse me for your headache tomorrow and to not throw up on the carpet or the bed then I might have something you might like in the kitchen.” Someone had gifted him a bottle of strawberry liqueur once for helping him with the chorus line of a track but as Yoongi didn’t liked his liquor that sweet he hadn’t opened it till now. “Make yourself comfortable on the couch if you want, I’ll go get it.” He picked up the bottle, hoping it was still drinkable and then two shot glasses that he rarely used so he quickly wiped them over with a kitchen towel.

Jungkook happily nodded and walked into the living room area. He smirked as he sat down and pulled his shirt up with a sigh. His body had heated up so much from the alcohol, his cheeks rosy and Yoongi had said he should get comfortable, so he did just that.

Getting comfortable - shirtless.

Reaching for the bag of sweet he had gotten from him, he was munching on them while waiting for Yoongi to come back.

Yoongi stopped short in the door frame at the sight of Kookie eating sweets shirtless. “What are you doing? You playing drinking games without the liquor with yourself? Or just randomly stripping down for me?” He quickly snatched Kookies shirt away before sitting down beside him, placing everything down on the table before he accidentally could knock something over. “I hope you know I’m going to demand that you always sit like this at my place now. It should be a crime for you to cover yourself up anyway.” He trailed a hand down Jungkook’s side and over a tattoo. “I didn’t have the opportunity to ask what they mean till now. Are you down to explain them to me? You’ll get a shot of strawberry stuff for each tattoo explained,” He teased him cheekily, leaning into him and nipping on his neck without any forewarning. Alcohol made him needy - and with being needy for Jungkook anyways that was quite a combination.

Jungkook poured in some shots for both of them, smiling at the attention Yoongi was giving him. “It’s just a bunch of random stuff and lyrics and just things that either mean something or are just pretty,” Jungkook said and downed a shot, before he gave it over to Yoongi. He moved closer and easily got onto Yoongi’s lap with a smile and instead of taking the shot glasses, he simply took the bottle to take a sip and pouring in some for Yoongi right into his mouth for the second shot. He let his thumb caress over his lips, completely transfixed for a moment. “I tell you about one tattoo,” Jungkook could feel the effects of the alcohol, his words sounding slurred and he had to rub over his eyes to keep his focus, “You see this one?” He pointed on a small tattoo, “It says ‘to lose your path, is the way to find path.’ It just that…life is not always straight forwards and sometimes you’re drifting and unsure and you lost your dream on the way. But maybe I am not lost? Maybe i’m just finding the path...or something. You should write a song about that.” Jungkook looked at Yoongi with a faint smile, caressing over his cheek sweetly, before he interrupted the beautiful moment with taking another big gulp. He watched the older take a sip, too and cocked his head to the side, tracing the line of Yoongi’s jaw, feeling absolutely hypnotized by him. “Oh fuck, I really want to suck your dick so badly right now,” Jungkook slurred the words his hand soothing over the nape of Yoongi’s neck, the moment of vulnerability completely forgotten again, “How are you so fucking handsome…” A groan left his lips and Jungkook took another sip from the bottle, giving it over to Yoongi.

Yoongi easily put the bottle aside, ignoring Jungkook’s little whine and instead ripped his ass. He liked it, the way Jungkook sat in his lap like he belonged there, smile cocky and expression proud, as if he owned the world. “Yeah, about fifty percent of my songs are about being lost - but if this leads me to having you in my lap I’ll happily get lost more often.” Jungkook leaned forward to try and grab the battle again and Yoongi took this as invitation to roll his hips against Jungkook who couldn’t move or else he would have lost his balance which meant he just had to take it. Funny how Jungkook told him how handsome he was when Yoongi was head over heels for Jungkook’s beauty. “You know, you should let me tie you up some time. So that I can kiss down each and every inch of your skin uninterrupted, worshipping your body like you deserve. You’re so fucking beautiful it‘s unreal. You‘re almost perfect.“

Jungkook didn’t answer to his question and instead was kissing down Yoongi’s neck. He was ignoring the ‘almost’ that hurt too much and left him aching. Instead Jungkook shifted down and in between Yoongi’s legs while he pulled up his shirt over his head. His hands followed the path he was leaving with his mouth all the way down the waistband of his pants. He palmed his cock through the jeans, opening the button slowly, while licking his lips. He pulled down the fabric easily, a smile appearing on his face when he saw the already hardened length only waiting for his attention but instead of going for it, Jungkook stood up. With a little swing in his hips, he simply turned and made his way over to Yoongi’s bedroom.

Almost. At least he was good at this, Jungkook thought.

“You’re fucking tease you know that?” Yoongi was up in a heartbeat, reaching out for Kook before the other could even reach the next room, turning him around so the younger’s back hit the wall with a soft thump. Yoongi was caging him in a little, the way he knew made Jungkook gasp if he placed his hands on his hips and controlled his movements. The way the younger was looking up at him made a fire lick at his stomach. He was so perfect, so.. well, almost perfect.

Because no matter how desperately he wanted to Jungkook wouldn’t let him kiss him. Yoongi slowly dragged his thumb over Jungkook’s bottom lip feeling jealousy rise in his chest.

“I wonder who’s the last person you kissed. And what exactly makes him different from me,” He murmured only half aware that he was talking out loud. “Probably everything. Maybe it was a girl. Maybe you just love girls and fuck men. Do you?” The hand that had sneaked onto the small of Jungkook’s back pushed the younger closer to him until he could bury his face in Jungkook's neck. “I don’t even want to know how many people you’ve seen those last week, how many men you’ve been with.” His voice turned darker, almost dangerous. “Don’t want to know how many made them fall apart on their cock like I do.” Without warning he bit into the juncture of Jungkook’s neck, hard enough for it to sting. “Don’t want to share you.” He soothed over the bite with light little kisses as if he was apologizing. “Shit, I want to fuck you so badly again it’s like I didn’t just had you before. You‘re so fucking addictive – I always want more!“ He grabbed Jungkook‘s ass as if he were setting claim to it.

Jungkook’s eyes had widened at Yoongi’s sudden attack of words. A gasp fell from him, when he had grabbed him so tight pushing him on to him. Yoongi basically called him a whore and it hurt.

Again.

His words piercing right through his heart, making Jungkook whine quietly. But he couldn’t blame Yoongi, he could only blame himself for it and he felt sorry.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, as he wasn’t so sure what to say, or how to soothe Yoongi, so he just let him take Jungkook. Just like he wanted.

Rough.

Hard.

Possessive.

They had made it to the bed but in his alcohol-fueled state he let the possessive side of him take the better of him, ruining his plans of seducing Jungkook properly, of giving him something nice and warm and gentle. There was way too much insecurity in him, way too much darkness and he let it all out on Jungkook, the last person who was at fault for any of that. When his hand closed around Jungkook’s throat and he pushed into him roughly, Jungkook reached to cup his cheek, caressing over his skin soothingly. “Shh, babe, I’m here, I’m yours,” Jungkook let his hands wander over his shoulders, holding Yoongi tight to him and letting him hide in his neck.

It was rough and quick and heated and afterwards when Yoongi was catching his breath again he didn’t feel the same high he normally felt with Jungkook. It took him a while to catch up with his mind and then he realized what felt wrong; Jungkook had tried to calm him.

Jungkook, sweet, vulnerable little boy that he was had let Yoongi talk over him and then take him rushed and hard as always, although they weren’t at the club anymore, and they had all the time in the world and a soft bed, and they just had a nice evening together with food and drinks and Jungkook’s shining eyes…

When Yoongi looked up Jungkook’s eyes weren’t shiny and joyful any longer. He looked sad. But not the way you looked when you lost something or got surprised with something bad. Instead he looked like he’s had it coming. Like he deserved no more than this. And it was like a slap in the face that instantly sobered him up.

“Oh shit.”

Jungkook turned to look over his shoulder and showed off a faint smile as he put back on his boxers and jeans. He raked through his hair in a desperate manner, trying to focus as he was still feeling a bit too drunk and his body feeling heavy and exhausted from the sex. Yoongi had taken him quite rough and Jungkook grimaced when he got up, feeling the sting of some bruises.

“I’ll see you at the club, okay?” He smiled at Yoongi and then got out of the bedroom, searching for his t-shirt quick. His heart was beating fast in an anxious state, his hands shaking and Jungkook had to fight the urge to run away fast.

“Jungkook!” Yoongi got up so quickly that he stumbled, not sure if he was dizzy from the alcohol or from the sheer panic that he had fucked everything up. He had promised Jungkook a ‘nice night out’. Not giving him attention and food - and then using him like this. He could only guess how Jungkook must feel - and it was an awful guess. He felt stupidly lost, not sure if he could run after Kook without pushing him further away or if he should let him go, give him time alone before apologizing, if it would be better to do it now while there's still time to mend the damage - or if Jungkook was too shaken to really listen to him now. The worst thing was that Jungkook didn’t even look like he was disappointed or hurt. There was still a smile on his face, he still looked soft and kind. Somehow…pliant as if he tried to be as pleasant as possible for Yoongi. As if Yoongi deserved it in exchange for the little gifts he had given him today because he had bought his kindness for a few hours with that. As if this was what Yoongi had wanted all along. He couldn’t help it, he pulled Jungkook in as his throat was closing up.

“Oh fuck, Kook, I’m… shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.. I didn’t.. I only wanted to…,” The emotions choked him and rendered each and every try to explain himself useless, so he hugged him close with desperation, hoping that Jungkook would understand nonetheless that he knew that he had fucked up and that he hadn’t meant to be an arsehole. “Please don’t run away from me now, you can stay. Come back to bed… for… for cuddles - or not if you don’t… I - fuck I don’t even know if I got you off! Please stay! Not… not for that I meant you can just…stay? For ... for nothing or for… me?”

Jungkook was overwhelmed, stunned and completely confused. He couldn’t utter a word for a while, his mind going crazy with his thoughts as he spiraled. Everything was too loud, too much and he felt too dizzy. Jungkook took in a shuddering breath, his heart aching with every beat of it. “For nothing?” He chuckled low, rubbing his hands over his face. Jungkook felt so tired and exhausted. He didn’t want to fight with his anxious heart and mind right now about what was wrong and right. “It’s okay, you didn’t…but you were overwhelmed. I can take it, please, don’t worry. I figured that it’s because of me and I didn’t want to give you more reason to feel bad. It’s better if I just go…” He loosened Yoongi’s hold around him, “I’m sorry I mean so much trouble for you.”

Hearing Jungkook tell him that he could ‘take it’ had him aching for him, even more so as the younger himself didn’t seem to feel it himself. It sounded as if he was used to it, to being let down and used and then send away. “But you should have to! Why on earth are you the one apologizing when I just treated you like shit? If… if you want to go now I could understand but if there is even I tiny little part of you that wants to stay then please stay and I promise I won’t... won’t touch you or ask you stupid things or pretend like you owe me anything. You can do whatever you want, Kook. I know that. I won’t cage you in. I have no right to and I’m sorry I said… stupid shit. I don’t know what came over me. I sincerely apologize.” His head felt like it was still filled with cotton and his tongue didn’t work properly. Why did he drink so much. He could only hope that if he was really lucky enough for Jungkook to stay that he wouldn’t talk shit again.

“Because it’s my fault, you felt overwhelmed. It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to just…,” Jungkook sighed defeatedly, “C’mon let’s get you into bed.” He took Yoongi by his wrist and pulled him along and back into the bedroom. When he had made sure that Yoongi laid down, he brought them both a glass of water. “Please, shut up now, okay?” Jungkook simply shushed the other when he was trying to apologize again, reaching for his wrist that the younger had pulled away to keep Yoongi from pulling him in. Jungkook walked around the bed and got out of his jeans to get back under the covers. The younger one shifted closer, so that he could lay his head onto Yoongi’s chest. But he wasn’t tired, his heart was thundering, and he felt a headache coming through.

Again, it was Jungkook who took care for him not the other way round and Yoongi let it happen, stunned into silence. When had the younger started to dismiss his own feelings for the sake of his? And even more important: why was he doing this? Nonetheless he was thankful that Jungkook stayed so he kept his mouth shut, following Jungkook’s directions. He even got an armful of Jungkook when the other cuddled closer, but it felt stiff and strange. With a sigh, Jungkook got up on his elbows and looked at Yoongi. “Stop calling me a whore,” Jungkook’s voice was quiet, low and he averted his gaze.

Yoongi almost teared up at the way he said it. Hopeless. Lost. He was ready to explain, to tell him that it wasn’t meant that way, but he stopped himself short. He would probably only make it worse right now. And this wasn’t about his feelings but Jungkook’s. So, he said what he meant and what Jungkook needed to hear. “You’re not. I know you’re not. And I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. It wasn’t your fault. And I won’t do it again.” Jungkook had simply laid his head back onto Yoongi’s chest, waiting until the tiredness washed over him and let him forget, even if it only was for a few hours.

The next morning, he was gone before Yoongi was awake again.

…

“For how long are you meeting up with him now?” Taehyung asked while he was counting the bottles behind him. Jungkook groaned, taking a sip from his water as he watched him clean up the bar for tonight’s business. “A few weeks now. I don’t know…I think I like fucking him,” Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, “Fuck, man, do you have an aspirin around maybe?”

Jimin hugged Jungkook from behind, placing his chin on his friend’s shoulder, not caring about the other’s groan when he accidentally moved Jungkook’s head with it and made it spin. “Don’t lie, sweety. Also, you’re not fucking him, he’s fucking you. Up, apparently. I haven’t seen you look that shitty in quite a while. And considering how you’re normally doing a pretty good job at fucking yourself up that means something.” He smiled sweetly at Jungkook ignoring the younger’s murderous gaze.

“Oh, shut up, Jimin,” Jungkook cursed at his friend, but pulled him onto his lap anyways. “Yoongi and I…we were just a bit too drunk last night. Hadn’t much sleep, either,” He shrugged his shoulders, thankful for the second glass of water Taehyung was offering him. “He seems nice though,” Tae added to the conversation, “Way better than…what was his name again? Jooe? Jo?”

“Jooheon,” Jungkook said and rubbed the side of his temples, “Do you think so? I mean…that Yoongi is good?” He quickly took a sip of water, trying to not seem as nervous as he suddenly felt.

“Wait, what happened?” Jimin straightened up, alarmed. “Why are you asking this? I thought it was obvious with the way he was looking at you like a fool and trying to be subtle about it or how he tried to ask Tae random stuff so that it wouldn’t be too obvious what he was really interested in when he asked about you - as if we hadn’t caught on already. But you wouldn’t have to ask if everything was fine. What is it?” Jimin’s eyes filled with horror as he whispered. “He didn’t.. did he hurt you?! Kook, are you alright?”

“No, no, I am alright. It’s just…sometimes he says stuff,” Jungkook vaguely explained, “He’s always playing this game of hot and cold and it’s getting annoying. One moment he’s the sweetest guy and in the next he says something, that I know he doesn’t mean but it…it hurts?” He bit his lip, his cheeks dusting in a light rose color. He never really liked talking about his feelings and doing so, even if these two he considered his best friends, was strange. “It isn’t the first time he says that he ‘doesn’t want to share me’. He said some stuff last night. I am not good with this, you know that, but I think I like this guy…but then…fuck, god, I hate this.” Jungkook raked through his hair in a desperate manner, “I don’t want to open up to him if he’s going to throw me away like a piece of trash just because he thinks I’m a whore, a fool, or a stupid lost boy. I don’t want him to try and save me, but…but I don’t know?” Jungkook looked at his friends with big eyes and he cursed again when he felt a tears sting in them, apologizing quietly, mumbling something about allergies.

“Kookie, sweety…,” Jimin didn’t let him off like this, cuddling him like a plushy because he felt with him, too much actually. “If he’s mean to you then cut him off. You don’t deserve this. You need someone who can…be kind to you.” Jimin had almost stumbled over his own words and said someone who can take care of you. Jungkook might have gotten angry at that as he insisted that he didn’t need help and no taking care of and was absolutely and totally fine on his own. Which was bullshit but he didn’t want to upset the younger further.

“You deserve respect, just like everyone else. If you don’t get it from him then dump him. You can find someone better than that.” Jimin was eagerly talking, trying to build Jungkook up while he internally frowned. He had been so happy for Jungkook when Yoongi had seemed to be a nice guy that made Jungkook smile. Actually smile, not because he told him too or because Jungkook was so out of it that smiling was his default mode. Jimin had seen his fair share of assholes around Jungkook and he still knew that he hadn’t even scratched the surfaces. It had been enough to see Jungkook beat up and crying on the middle of the street once he never wanted to see the younger so hurt again. So, he would chase away everyone that didn’t make Kookie better, even if they seemed nice at first glance.

“He’s too good for me already, Jimin. He’s more kind to me than anything else…it was just last night. It had been weird. He apologized, though. Right after,” Jungkook explained, “I just don’t know if he wants me for real or not. I’m too scared to ask. Because why would he? I have nothing to offer but…but myself. I am an awful catch. I didn’t even let him kiss me, yet.” He chuckled when he saw the other’s expression, “I don’t want to lose myself in this and I am already falling. Help me, guys, please!”

Jimin’s eyes teared up at hearing Jungkook talk like that. “Don’t say that, please. You can’t mean that! You are such an amazing person and it’s not your fault that your life didn’t turn out all flawless and perfect, not everyone has the ‘basic conditions’ for a comfortable life with loving parents and the right amount of money. That doesn’t mean you’re worth less!” Tae gave him a warning glance to not delve deeper into Jungkook’s backstory because it always mostly ended with the younger shutting everyone out. “What.. what did he do, Jungkook? An apology is worth nothing if he doesn’t mean it or hurts you in other ways later.“ He blinked in surprise when Jungkook mentioned the nonexistent kissing. “What do you mean? I know you two had sex so why wouldn’t you let him kiss you? Don’t you like kissing?”

Jungkook shook his head, ignoring Jimin’s first question on purpose and explaining, “It’s just a stupid rule I came up with to keep them away from me when I just…had fun. I didn’t want anyone to just kiss me. You…you can easily see if someone is respecting your boundaries or not with it, you know?” He looked at Jimin with sad eyes. It hurt to open up to his friends like that. He had never done that before and if one put one and one together, it was easy for them to notice the reasons why he was trying to keep the control. “Anyways, it just…he respected it and never kissed me on the lips. And I want him to…now, I think. But I am scared that if I kiss him that I will be bound to him. What if he finds someone new soon? Someone that is better? Someone more good-looking?” He sighed and then threw his hands up, “Fuck this. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Jungkook nodded over to the drinks and then at Taehyung, “Can I get a shot please?”

Jimin pressed his lips together. Talking with Kookie about his feelings felt like playing minesweeper. If you were lucky and found the right words he opened up but if you went wrong or Jungkook got scared it all blew up. And also, he just didn’t answer stuff he didn’t want to talk about by simply pretending to not hear you talking. He sighed deeply. In his own world Jungkook’s little rule made sense. Sadly, it wouldn’t keep him from harm though. And it also didn’t make this any easier.

“Just one thing and then I’ll let you be: If you’re in danger or if you feel like you could be then call me, please. I don’t want to have to visit you in hospital or wake up to you being a name in the newspaper. Please. Call me if you need help. I know you won’t do it for regular things, and I’ve accepted this but if you’re ever caught up in something you feel like you can’t get out then tell me. And I can be there for you or get help or just make you hot chocolate.” He kissed Jungkook quickly onto his head and then went back to get changed before his next number would start. Tae took a glass and filled it with lemon, lime, a mint leave, some ice - and then filled it with water. “There, that’s all you get from me tonight. You won’t lose your headache with more booze. Also, heartache and drinks aren’t a great combination. If you want to make things worse. So be good and drink water and then go back to sleep. There’s no delivery for tonight. So, you can rest.”

“Yoongi wouldn’t hurt me like that,” Jungkook almost hissed at Jimin but the other was already gone. He was feeling annoyed and just wanted to close up completely. He took the drink Taehyung had made and downed it in one go even though it was only water. His brows furrowed deeply, as he listened to Taehyung. “Yeah, I guess,” He got up and looked at his friend with a tired expression. “I just wish I knew what Yoongi really felt,” Jungkook whispered, “It probably won’t change anything. I’m staying here for too long anyways already.” He shrugged his shoulders, not waiting for an answer as he turned around and did what Taehyung had ordered him to do: sleep.

Not thinking about something when you knew you shouldn’t think about it was absolutely impossible. Just like that game where you told someone ‘don’t think about an albino llama’. Yoongi had tried to do that with himself and Jungkook but he knew that it didn’t work. The only thing that have given him some piece of mind was when he decided to come to the club at night. Until then he could stop thinking if Jungkook being gone in the morning meant that he was gone from his life too - or just his usual ‘I don’t do mornings’ kind of thing.

He actually managed to be vaguely productive and catch up on ‘adult’ stuff, make boring phone calls and pay bills and all that stuff you had to do when you didn’t want to be bothered by people more than they already were bothering you. He waited exactly till it got dark before he grabbed his jacket feeling somewhat proud that he had stuck to his decision. He would sit down at the bar, no matter if Jungkook was around or not and then let the other decide if he wanted to talk or not (and hope that it’ll be soon or else it would put an unhealthy kind of strain on his heart)

Jimin had spotted Yoongi right away when the rapper came into the club. He had come up with what he was about to do about half an hour ago, talking to Taehyung and seeing Jungkook sleeping on the couch so peacefully in the storage room. He couldn’t let him get hurt no more. It had pained him enough already to see Jungkook be so confused about Yoongi’s intentions. So, there was only one way to find out.

With a determined mind and a smile on his face he walked up to him at the bar, where he had ordered himself a drink just now. “Hey! You’re Yoongi, right?” Jimin asked, sitting down next to him and ordering a bottle of water from the barkeeper. “I see you around our little baby boy a lot.” He chuckled, cheering his bottle towards him with a wink.

Yoongi cocked his head. ‘Baby boy’? Either Jimin was very, very affection towards his friends - or he was hooking up with Jungkook as well. There was something bitter in his throat and he swallowed it down with his drink. “Yes, why?” He answered cautiously. He hadn’t seen Jungkook around and he wasn’t sure if the younger was even there and he absolutely did not want to think about where he could be if he wasn’t here considering he still didn’t know if Jungkook even had a home, so any kind of distraction was very welcome right now.

“Just curious,” Jimin shrugged his shoulders, “I just saw you guys together a lot lately…I mean, I caught you two once or twice. But who am I to judge?” He chuckled, reaching out for the other, “I never really introduced myself. I’m Jimin. You’ve probably already guessed so, but I am a dancer here.” Jimin winked at him, turning his body a little more towards him. “You looking for him?”

Yoongi just nodded as a sign that he had listened, shaking his hand once before letting go. “Not really, no.” What else was he supposed to answer? If he said yes then Jimin might ask why - or even worse get Jungkook for him while he had wanted to leave it open to the other if he wanted to talk. Or…come home with him. Yoongi swallowed hard. It had become routine already and just the thought of never being able to take Jungkook out or hear his sexy little gasps made his stomach churn.

“Oh, well, if you’re free then. Do you mind helping me with something?” Jimin said, blinking his eyes innocently, “Jungkook told me you’re great with anything technical? I desperately need help because Jin refuses to update the audio system so I can’t seem to get my laptop to work and connect with the stuff…you know…that makes the music here?” Jimin held onto Yoongi’s arm, putting on his best innocent impression and acting a little dumb and as if they hadn’t a DJ for that kind of stuff. “Maybe there’s something wrong with my music program? I always cut the music myself…and when I try, it either doesn’t connect or it doesn’t play the music here.” Jimin bit his lip, putting on his best puppy face, “Please? I don’t know who else to ask.”

Yoongi arched his brow. He didn’t buy the act 100% but maybe Jimin just acted dramatic because it was his personality and not because he tried to get Yoongi’s attention. “I’ll see what I can do - but I won’t be held responsible if it turns out that this thing is beyond fixing, just so you know.” Yoongi downed his drink and then placed the money under the glass.

He knew what he had to pay for his drink by now.

Jimin grabbed Yoongi by his wrist and pulled him along happily, guiding him back into his private room. “Here, this is it,” Jimin said and gave his laptop over to Yoongi. He hadn’t much time until Yoongi would see that the program was working fine, so Jimin acted casually. Leaning over his little dressing table, he looked at himself in the mirror, applying a bit of makeup before he simply took off his t-shirt as if he was about to get ready for a show.

Yoongi got to work immediately, checking the different functions of the program but everything seemed to work just fine. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jimin undressing and looked up to see what this was about. As the other rummaged around, apparently looking for some stage outfit Yoongi filed it under ‘habit of someone who undresses too often to care for naked skin’ and simply closed the laptop. “The program’s fine. So, it must be the cable that’s the problem. Maybe you can get someone to lend you another for tonight and then buy a new one.” He got up, ready to leave.

“Thank you! I guess that’s what I will do tonight. You don’t have a cable with you, do you?” Jimin chuckled, not ready to let Yoongi go, yet. There was some things he needed to do first. He couldn’t let him hurt Jungkook, not before knowing what his true intentions were and if his interest for the younger was real or just for the show. “Why don’t you stay here a little?”

“Yeah, sure, I always take cables with m…” the sentence ended abruptly when Jimin made him sit back onto the couch and suddenly he was pretty close and pretty much on his lap and also still pretty shirtless. Jimin’s hands wandering up Yoongi’s chest and to his neck, as he shifted a little closer.

Yoongi blinked, trying to process how it had come from talking cables to having a half-naked dancer in his lap. A damn attractive one at that. His hands went to Jimin’s hips out of habit, half because that’s what he always did with Kook and half because he wanted to keep Jimin from scooting closer. He didn’t quite get what the other was doing there. “You’re Jungkook’s friend right?” If Jimin was and he knew that they were fucking than that left two options: Jimin wasn’t a really good friend - or he knew that Jungkook wouldn’t mind because it was just a casual hook up to Kook. Neither was a very pleasant truth.

Jimin moved his hips a little, grinding against Yoongi. “You’re not his boyfriend, right?” He simply answered and leaned in to him more, his hot breath fanning against Yoongi’s neck. “You can do whatever you want, right? Jungkook isn’t here.” A moan slipped past his lips and Jimin bared his neck a little, giving his act his all. “Please,” Jimin mouthed along his neck, leaving a few kisses there, his own lips now only inches away from Yoongi’s. “Kiss me, please.”

Yoongi suppressed a sound at the way Jimin moved his hips absolutely perfect against him. He definitely didn’t lie about being a dancer, he knew how to use his body. And he was right, he wasn’t Jungkook’s boyfriend. And Jimin knew that because Jungkook must have told him. Or because he didn’t do boyfriends at all. Which was fine. Because he, Min Yoongi, didn’t do boyfriends either. He was free to do whatever the fuck he wanted just like Jimin had said. Getting your heart involved only made sure you got hurt.

It was nice what Jimin was doing. And the others plush lips looked they were absolutely made for kissing.

Still this didn’t feel right.

Even if Jungkook didn’t mind, he did. And right now, Jungkook was too close to his heart for him to just go fuck around even if he had the perfect opportunity and Jimin was downright amazing and it would probably end in mind blowing sex. But he could lie to himself all he wanted - he couldn’t get rid of his feelings.

“Ok, that’s enough. You look great and I’m sure you’re an awesome fuck. But I’m not feeling it right now. So, could you please get off my lap?”

Jimin froze still, not moving an inch just looking at Yoongi closely. He could definitely feel the heat coming from him, the arousal that he had from his movements on his lap – so…Sex couldn’t be what he was interested in. He pursed his lips into a pout, pointing at his chest, right above his heart, “Is there someone else already waiting for you, huh? Someone better?”

“No, there’s not. As you said I’m not Jungkook’s boyfriend. But I don’t need anyone else right now.” He had already said too much. Jimin didn’t need to know that about him. He pinched Jimin’s thigh to get him to move off of him. He had already asked once he wouldn’t do it again. If Jimin wouldn’t move he would simply throw him off. “Is this what you do? You and Jungkook?” Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that Jimin had brought him here. Maybe the reason why Jungkook knew Jimin’s schedule by heart was because he was used to coming here… when Jimin was there to do whatever Jimin had been planning on doing with him. Or he used the free time otherwise. With other people. Yoongi frowned.

“Don’t talk such nonsense!” He said with a bitter but amused tone, “As much trouble Jungkook can be he would never play around like that. Especially not with you.” Getting up from his lap, Jimin rolled his eyes but didn’t move much so Yoongi still couldn’t get up completely. “You fucking with me, huh? Don’t play the ‘I don’t need anyone’ card with me. You may not be his boyfriend, but you want to be. A blind man can see that,” Jimin said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You, my dear, are in love or otherwise you wouldn’t have cared to fuck me. Jungkook means something to you. More than you like to admit, right?”

Yoongi jumped up immediately. It was one thing to get close to him physically - but a completely different thing to try and get close to him emotionally. He barely knew Jimin. How dared he assuming to know his heart?

“I thought you were a dancer not a psychic?” He answered sharply. “And what do you mean Jungkook would never play around like that? You know how we meet? I pretty much doubt I’ve been the first one he’d gone on his knees for in a bathroom stall. You don’t do it like that if you haven’t done it before. And even if he is promiscuous, I don’t care, we’re not a... a thing and that’s fine because I don’t even know him! I don’t know where he lives, I don’t know if he has family. Hell, I don’t even know his last name. Maybe his name isn’t even Jungkook.” His hand started shaking like it did when he had been stuck in his head too long. “I don’t need to listen to you. I need a drink.”

Jimin shook his head, chuckling low, “You really don’t see it? Jungkook never comes back around.” Taking a step closer to him, Jimin kept Yoongi from moving further, but his voice was sounding a lot calmer now, “C’mon. I will show you something.”

Walking ahead, Jimin was waiting for Yoongi to follow, “Just…come, please. You will understand if you see it.” His heart was beating a little too fast, when Jimin opened the door to the storage room, guiding Yoongi around a few shelves. They hadn’t had much time, because Jimin had no idea where Jungkook was and if the younger ever found out he showed Yoongi this – he would freak out completely. Yoongi followed Jimin with a nervous little buzz under his skin, still on edge. He wasn‘t sure if what Jimin was trying to lure him in again or piss him off or if he really wanted to show him something. He felt uncomfortable the more they had to round shelves and boxes because what on earth could be in the furthest hidden corner that he had to see?

A little space opened up behind them, just about a few feet wide, enough for an air mattress to fit there and Jungkook’s things to have a safe place. Jimin, who still was shirtless, was shivering. It was cold in here, way too cold for someone to stay here.

“You wanted to know where he lives…”

When Jimin stopped he didn‘t have to say a word for Yoongi to understand. It looked similar to the sleeping place that he had seen when Jungkook had led him out the back door the first time. It had been cleaned up the other times he was there, so he had thought that Jungkook had stayed just once or simply taken a nap. And asking personal stuff straightforward made Jungkook close up like a clamshell most of the time so he hadn‘t asked about any of this. Maybe Jimin could give him some answers instead, if he was already showing him this. Yoongi pulled his hoodie tighter around him. It was pretty damn cold in here. “Where did he sleep before this?“ He tried to keep it vague because this way Jimin could tell him as much or as little as he deemed fit.

Jimin motioned for Yoongi to follow him back again, not wanting to get surprised by Jungkook. He only answered his question, when they were back in Jimin’s dressing room. “We actually don’t really know,” He answered honestly, “He had been gone for a couple of months and just recently came back. Kookie does sleep here a lot though, refusing to go home with us or Jin.” With a sigh he added, “His name is Jeon Jungkook. And I think the rest is up to him if he ever wants to decide to tell you. I am sorry I tried to trick you into making out with me. I saw him getting hurt one too many times.”

Yoongi scoffed, “So you were testing me, trying to see if I’m “faithful”? What would you have done if I’d said yes?” He was rather amused than offended. Also asking this kept his mind off the thought of where Jungkook was from - and if he’s had to sleep on the street before staying here at the club. “I would have murdered you,” Jimin stated coldly, staring right back into Yoongi’s eyes and not moving an inch. Only then he laughed but quickly added, “No but seriously. If you hurt him, I will fucking come for you.” Yoongi smiled humorlessly. “Just a little tip, try to put a shirt on next time you try to be intimidating. And maybe try to look less sweet.”

Yoongi hesitated and then nonetheless pushed further. “I know Jungkook would never move in with me and I don’t know if I could handle a constant presence at home - or if he could handle me, that is - but I wouldn’t mind him staying over more often. Or staying till breakfast for once, actually. Any idea as to how I could achieve that without creeping him out?”

Jimin only shrugged his shoulder at Yoongi’s question, “Maybe start with admitting that you like him and stop playing games with him? He will be too afraid to do something on his own,” Jimin sighed, raking a hand through his hair as he leaned over to Yoongi, “Listen, he came here today and was pretty out of it. He likes you and I think for once, you could be someone that he can open up to again. I don’t know what happened, but please, be gentle with him.” Reaching out for Yoongi’s hand, Jimin looked at him in all earnest, “If you want Jungkook, really want to try to work things out, then please be patient with him and his run away antics. He deserves to be cared for.”

Yoongi shook his head, “I’m not ‘playing games’ with him. I’m just… I’m not the easiest to be with. And sometimes I don’t know if I can trust people or like them at all. I’m…” He stopped, he didn’t want to tell Jimin all this about him, no one was supposed to know. He would have preferred to ignore it himself if it didn’t come back to bite him in the ass every now and then. “It’s just difficult, okay? Besides I did treat him to lamb skewers and asked him to stay and all that shit I’m not going to spell it out for him. Who knows if he even likes me. Maybe I’m just a lesser evil in his life. One can’t be picky if you have no one else. Doesn’t mean he has to like me.” He sounded like a stubborn child and he knew it, but it still bothered him that there was a teeny tiny potential chance this was true for Jungkook. “Everyone deserves to be cared for. It’s just that life doesn’t give a shit about that and fucks you over nonetheless.” He pulled back his hand, “I’m neither a good person nor a safe place for him. I’d like to be but I’m not. So, I can’t promise him - or you - things I know I cannot keep.”

Jimin nodded at that, “Life isn’t fair and maybe I articulate myself wrongly… I can tell you that Jungkook likes you. And how can you blame him, when never in his life anyone treated him to anything? The first time we took him out to dinner, he ate so fast that I was scared he would get a stomach ache from it,” Jimin chuckled at the fond memory, before he stood up from his chair again, his voice getting a serious tone, “Either way. You don’t have to promise me anything. But if you think you’re not good for him and that you will seriously hurt him, then I want you…”

“Don’t go,” A whispered voice behind Jimin said and made him jerk around, his eyes growing wide as plates when he saw Jungkook standing at the door frame. His breathing was shallow, his heart beating fast with his anxious mind racing with the words that both had said. Jungkook hadn’t heard it all, but enough to make him feel scared.

“I…I don’t think you’re difficult…”

For a second Yoongi felt angry because he thought Jimin had led him on only to see the shocked expression on the others face. Then he felt scared. How much had Jungkook heard? Had he scared him off? Was he an easy target now? Had he made himself vulnerable? The silence weighted heavy on him, heavy enough to take a step back. Jungkook looked small, holding onto the door frame as if he needed support. He looked like Yoongi felt; on edge, put on the spot, exposed, vulnerable. It took a moment but then it clicked.

Jimin must be right.

For Jungkook to look like that he must mean something to him. Because he only felt like he did right now because Jungkook meant something to him.

Carefully he got closer to him, turning his back on Jimin. “I don’t plan on going anywhere. And… are you sure that I’m not difficult? Especially after...last night?” He hoped that Jungkook wouldn’t tell right now, here, in front of Jimin. He could barely take the shame and embarrassment as it was. Jungkook shook his head, “Not any more difficult than I am.” Jungkook took a deep breath, averting his gaze, his knuckles turning white with how hard he gripped the door frame. His heart was beating too fast right now, aching with every thought. He gasped for air quietly, as it felt like his throat was closing up making it so much harder for him to breathe. “I…I like you, but I am sorry, really sorry that I mean so much trouble for you,” Jungkook mumbled and turned around, stumbling along. He needed air. Needed to get out, when it suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on him. He wanted Yoongi so much, but his heart was screaming for him to keep himself safe.

Yoongi didn’t wait, he came after him right away and caught up with him right at the club, in midst of other people.

“Jungkook, wait!” He held onto him, gently because right now Jungkook looked as frightened like a bunny in a trap, “You might be trouble - but not more trouble than I am.” He repeated Jungkook’s words with a smile, hoping the other would understand that he knew that both of them were fucked up - but he wanted to make it work, nonetheless. “Do you.. do you want to go home?” He didn’t mean for sex and for a second he hesitated before just spilling everything on the tip of his tongue, “For a warm meal, a quiet night in, maybe some TV and tea and… some cuddling.” The last part was so quiet he was sure Jungkook couldn’t have heard it with the music around him and he was almost thankful for that. There was no need to overwhelm the other like this.

“Home?” Jungkook’s eyes gotten a teary glint in them and the younger looked horribly lost for a moment. He got pushed by a dancing couple and Jungkook held onto Yoongi’s arm tight to not fall. Staring back at Yoongi, the younger gulped hard against the lump in his throat not sure what to answer. He looked around, seeing Taehyung at the bar, then Jimin who stood at the entrance of the backstage area with Jin. Then he looked at Yoongi again and suddenly it hit him. Pretty painful actually, something that he hadn’t ever felt before. It felt like a punch to the heart, or like someone squeezing it pretty tightly but still – it felt surprisingly good. A weird feeling in the pit of stomach added on to that and it took him just a few seconds to understand. He had butterflies in his stomach. Literally, small, weird butterflies flying around, whenever he looked at Yoongi. There was a warmth surrounding him and it didn’t come from the hot air in the club, but from the way Yoongi was holding onto him.

With one step, Jungkook jumped forward pressing his lips onto Yoongi’s. Something that he should have done a while ago.

Yoongi stiffened, just for one heartbeat and then he melted against the other. Jungkook’s lips were a little rough probably from chewing on them but they were warm and plush, and it was nonetheless the most amazing kiss Yoongi has had in years. His arm had found a way around Jungkook’s waist and he pulled him closer. Their bodies fitted together so naturally and perfectly that it felt so absolutely right and the sudden realization shook Yoongi to the core.

Yoongi really liked Jungkook.

And the other liked him back.

There was an actual human being in front of him, someone beautiful and soft and stubborn and complex and loveable that had seen him, even parts of him he didn’t like himself - and he had still chosen to stay. Overwhelmed by his feelings he squeezed Jungkook a little tighter, giving him another little kiss and then another. “I love breaking this rule,” He whispered against the other’s lips and then just hid his face in his neck and hugged the younger close because even though they weren’t kissing he didn’t want to let go of Jungkook yet.

They stayed like this for a while, not caring that the beat of the music was making the people jump around them when for them, only they mattered right now. Jungkook felt too choked up to say more, so he simply followed Yoongi, who was holding onto his hand so tight as if he was afraid that Jungkook could run away again.

“I’ll just get my things, please, wait here, okay?” Jungkook said and leaned in to give him a quick kiss and then ran off to the storage room and behind the shelves to grab his bag. He didn’t know that Yoongi had seen his little hide-out, yet so he rather wanted him to wait for him, too scared that he wouldn’t want him anymore. There were too many insecurities and too many questions. But it didn’t matter right now. Yoongi liked him, too and that was all that he wanted to focus on. And oh, of course kissing Yoongi. The way back from the club to Yoongi’s apartment took longer than usual, because neither could resist kissing the other again and again. Jungkook felt like what he thought would a ‘high’ feel like. He was giggly, happy and coming back to Yoongi’s apartment felt so right. So right, that it frightened him again. He stiffened when the other opened the door and just walked along, when Yoongi pulled a little at his arm, his smile so reassuring that it soothed him.

Yoongi did everything that he had promised and Jungkook had never felt so warm and safe before. Feeling like puzzle pieces were falling together and out of a sudden it all made sense to him. He fell asleep in Yoongi’s arms on the couch, empty pizza cartoons on the table, a half emptied cup of tea right next to it. Cuddling closer to the warmth, Jungkook held on tight to Yoongi’s shirt.

He never wanted to let go again.

The next morning, Jungkook woke up before Yoongi like always. The other must have gotten into bed way after him. He couldn’t even remember how he had gotten into bed? He sighed quietly, wanting to give Yoongi a bit more space and quiet to get his rest. Jungkook knew about his insomnia by now, so he wouldn’t want to wake him up. Instead, he grabbed one of Yoongi’s shirts and walked around the living room.

The morning sun was shining brightly through the blinds and into his eyes, almost as if it was mocking him. For a moment Jungkook thought about making breakfast, but then roaming around Yoongi’s apartment sounded more interesting than cooking (especially knowing that Yoongi was the better cook). After a while of looking through some not so interesting stuff (mainly books and magazines) Jungkook let his hand wander over the notes on his piano, leaning in to read a few lines of a song Yoongi was working on. Sitting down onto the stool, Jungkook pulled one leg in. Biting his lip, he searched for the right key that fitted the song and pushed it down. He jerked a little, when the sound was way louder than he had expected and Jungkook looked over his shoulder to see if he had woken up Yoongi.

He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to touch his piano? But luckily for him, the other was sleeping like a rock.

Then he pushed it again, humming the note to see if he was in the right key. Jungkook really didn’t know much about music, but in the time he had been around Yoongi, the other had shown him a few tricks and the basics. He was really good at following Yoongi playing notes by now and if he believed what he said, Jungkook was pretty good at hitting the keys spot on. He murmured the words of the lyrics and then very slowly he tried to follow the notes of the song, pressing the right key in the right sequence. Biting his lip in concentration, the clipped sounds were slowly turning into a melody and Jungkook smiled. Then he began to sing to it, not too loudly too scared to wake Yoongi.

“So... far away, if only I had a flying dream,” His voice added perfectly to the melody and Jungkook began anew, singing that one line over and over again until he could play the keys in a rhythm where it didn’t sound clipped at all, but just like it should be.

Yoongi awoke slowly, feeling warm and well rested - and therefore completely different than normal. It took him a while to clear the haze of sleep from his mind and when he did his first thought was Jungkook - and the second was music. Because he heard the piano playing softly in the background. It sounded simple but still nice and curious he got out of bed, taking the very first shirt with him that he could reach and putting it on while tapping silently on bare feet towards the music.

Jungkook played the few notes a few times again until he felt like it sounded perfect, smiling to himself proudly. The minute he felt a presence behind him though, he jerked around, looking at Yoongi with wide eyes. “Ah, shit, I’m sorry I woke you up, right?” Jungkook hastily got up almost knocking over the stool in the process, “I wanted to make breakfast first but then I saw the lyrics and I just was…playing around. Am I even allowed to touch your piano? I am sorry if I’m not. I just wanted to try and see if I was able to do what you taught me.” Jungkook bit his lip, his cheeks dusting in a rose color.

Yoongi smiled softly. “It was beautiful. Don’t worry, this is like the best way to wake up. Music - and knowing that you’re still there.” He pulled Jungkook in and nosed along his jaw, still soft and openly affectionate from being sleepy. “I don’t even need breakfast. I got you.” He didn’t mean it as dirty as it sounded, what he had meant to express was that with Jungkook's presence his heart felt so full and his mind so sated that there was no need to fill his stomach. Jungkook embraced Yoongi with his arms, letting him cuddle into him without any worries. His hands wandered up his shoulders and to his neck, before he cupped Yoongi’s cheeks and pulled him away from him and onto his lips. The younger kissed him softly, while his arms wrapped around him a little more. “Me? So, you want to suck my cock for breakfast? I’m all for that…I think you still owe me one,” Jungkook answered and pulled off Yoongi with a smirk.

Yoongi almost choked on that, “Wh…what the.. there I am trying to be romantic and all that shit and you shatter my lovely little rose colored glasses with one dirty comment.” He laughed at Jungkook's shamelessly proud expression. “Hm, maybe I do. Do you really want to do that onto an empty stomach or should be include some breakfast into our foreplay?” He teased him lovingly

Jungkook bit his lip in excitement, feeling the heat of the arousal already in the pit of his stomach. With one quick movement, he pulled Yoongi in by his shirt, his lips only a few inches away from his. “I…want…you…now,” He whispered against his lips, kissing him once, deep and heated only to let go again. With a giggle, he jumped around and back into the bedroom. He didn’t care about empty stomachs, especially not if he had someone like Yoongi lusting after him.

How could Yoongi say no to a sexy demand like that. Besides, Jungkook was right and he still owed him. And he had absolutely nothing against lying back down in bed. When Yoongi came into the bedroom Jungkook was already on the bed, looking at him expectantly and looking kind of like a bunny ready to play. Yoongi gave him an amused look. “And now? Do you actually want me to blow you? Or do you just want to get off? I could rim you if you like?”

Jungkook leaned back on his elbows, listening to all the options that Yoongi was laying out for him but none of them what was he wanted. Getting up on his knees, he got over to him and wrapped his arm around Yoongi to pull him onto the bed with him. “I want you to kiss me and fuck me, I want to feel you everywhere, inside of me, on me, with me,” Jungkook’s hot breath was fanning against his lips, as he placed a few kisses on them, “Do anything you want with me!” Normally Jungkook wasn’t the one who decided how he would get off, so it felt more natural to him to let Yoongi take control. He couldn’t even say what he would have preferred, but as long as it was Yoongi he was doing it with he would be fine. Because he liked him. Just as much as he liked Yoongi.

“Hm, your wish is my command, Cutie. I just have one request; can you lie on your back this time? I want to see you, all of it, the way you open your mouth when you gasp and the expression on your face when I enter you. I want to look at you when you come. Every second of it.” He reached out for the pillows. “We could make it more comfortable for you, put something under your lower back for support.” He had only taken Jungkook from behind so far because Jungkook had turned around immediately when things got heated so Yoongi thought that Jungkook might not like the more intimate position that much. “I’ll make up for it, I promise, by making you feel as much pleasure as your body can take.”

Jungkook gulped and the moment Yoongi started talking, he could feel his heartbeat quicken. It wasn’t like he hated that position, it just felt too close, too personal. But Yoongi was someone he wanted to be close to, right? And if Yoongi wanted it, it would make him happy, too. Jungkook nodded a bit hesitant, hoping that the other would be guiding him and not let him drop. To get some control back, Jungkook reached for the hem of his shirt, wanting to pull off the fabric swiftly but Yoongi caught his wrist easily and the younger one’s eyes turned big and doe like not understanding if he had done something wrong. He always undressed himself? Jungkook pursed his lips a little, too shy to ask what he was supposed to do now.

“Let me do it.” Yoongi whispered against Jungkook’s heated skin, “Let me unwrap my precious gift.” He got interrupted by his urge to kiss Jungkookie’s sweet mouth before he gently undressed the other, caressing each inch of skin that he freed, taking it slow and relaxed. He loved morning sex like this. He felt the softest and the most in balance with his heart like this when there’s been nothing from the outside tainting his feelings or stressing him out. That’s why he only ever had morning sex with people he loved.

Jungkook was completely out of his depth with the way Yoongi was handling him. He gasped when Yoongi’s lips were touching him so softly, his hands caressing over his heated skin and pulling his shirt off slowly. Too slowly. When he laid onto his back, Yoongi on top of him, he was pulling him in, arching his back to move against him to get some friction in between them but it seemed like Yoongi was eager to explore whatever there was on his neck first. He moaned, when he sucked at his skin, licking over it and making sure that Jungkook could feel his own sensitivity. But he only whined in response, his own hands wandering down Yoongi’s back and onto his hips.

“Shht, slow down, Sweety. We’ve got all the time in the world. Just relax and enjoy. I’ve got you covered.” Quite literally, as he was covering Jungkook’s body with kisses, just as he had promised him before. Slowly he kissed down the youngers body, avoiding his nipples or any other spot that would rile him up too quickly before he reached his hips. Jungkook parted his thighs willingly and so Yoongi comfortably settled down in between. Then he made sure to make Jungkook lose his mind as he was attacking the inside of his thighs with love bites, nipping on the juncture of his hip, kissing into the dip of his hip. Anywhere but where Jungkook needed it most but always close, so close that Jungkook could feel it in his groin.

The younger was twitching and whining so easily under Yoongi’s touch and Jungkook wasn’t so sure if it because he was working him up so easily or because he had no control over what he was doing or where the other would go next. “Yoongi, please,” Jungkook pleaded, not really sure for what. He could feel the arousal rush through his veins, mixing with the anxious feelings and Jungkook felt light headed. Laying back down, he moaned when Yoongi sucked in another love bite.

“Patience, my love.” He answered softly, too occupied with what he was doing to listen to what he was saying. The pet names and affectionate phrases came so easily with Jungkook that he didn’t even realize he did it. Only when Jungkook started chasing his mouth with his hips, moving restlessly the whole time Yoongi had mercy with him. “Careful, you’re going to pull a muscle if you keep being so tense,” He teased him before slowly, torturously slowly swallowing Jungkook all the way down from tip to shaft.

Jungkook moaned unabashed when he finally sunk down onto him. He had needed the friction, anything really, to relax again. Trying to not chase after Yoongi’s mouth, he let the other work him up and lick along his length so beautifully that Jungkook couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. Reaching out for him, he caressed through Yoongi’s hair while he was bobbing on his cock, making him moan for him. “Fuck, your tongue…fuck you’re so good, we should have done this…way before,” Jungkook couldn’t help but jerk his hips, chasing the delicious, wet heat that was Yoongi’s lips.

It wasn’t like Yoongi could have answered him with his mouth so full therefore he confined himself to holding Jungkook’s hips down, firm and secure before continuing to work him up. He’d let him fuck his mouth some other time, now he just wanted to make him so aroused that he was ready to be fucked and prepping him would be really easy.

He whined helplessly when Yoongi pushed his hips down, keeping him still while he was sucking on his tip so deliciously that all Jungkook wanted to do was to thrust his hips. Jungkook was fully aroused, his breathing coming in short pants already while he holding onto the bed sheet tight and only when Yoongi finally let go off him with a smile, he relaxed again. “Will you fuck me now?” Jungkook asked innocently, looking down at Yoongi, with his chest and cheeks flushed in his arousal.

“Of course, I will. How could I resist you looking so delicious. And you’re so good for me, willing to let me have you the way I want, right?” He leaned over Kook to give him a kiss on the tip of his nose while reaching for the drawer where he stored the lube and condoms. He took both out, slicking up his fingers expertly. Then he scooted closer, placing Jungkook’s thighs left and right over his own so the younger was spread open for him, completely exposed. With a grin Yoongi gently prodded Jungkook’s hole, teasing it, swiping his thumb over the rim until it fluttered under his touch because Jungkook was clenching in desperation. Jungkook reached for Yoongi’s wrist, his heart skipping a beat as he looked up at him like this. A whimper escaped his lips and he closed his eyes for a second when Yoongi teased his hole once more, before looking at him. Suddenly it seemed so hard for him to speak, a lump in his throat keeping him from breathing properly. Yoongi looked at him so softly, his eyes full of love and Jungkook couldn’t tear his gaze away from him. For a moment he said nothing, before, “N-no condom, please. I mean…if you…are okay with it.” He shivered a little as he held onto Yoongi’s wrist so tightly, feeling weirdly exposed with the way he was laying underneath him. Yoongi had always been the dominant part when they had sex, but something about this felt different from the start. It made him fidgety and at the same time excited and completely overwhelmed.

“Oh…,” his breath left him in a rush and his hand stilled. “You want me to…” A tiny part of him, the bitter and paranoid one was freaking out that trusting Jungkook would mean risking his health - but the other, much, much bigger part was completely, positively overwhelmed at the thought of feeling Jungkook without any boundaries between them. It wasn’t so much a physical difference than it was an emotional one because it was as if Jungkook was pulling down his last defense, baring himself completely to Yoongi, making himself as vulnerable as he could be in front of the older. He kissed him with pure joy, long and deep and with so much feeling that it stole the breath right from Jungkook’s lips. “I’d love to,” He whispered against the others parted lips before finally pushing his fingers in. He had been turned on before but with the prospect of having Jungkook like this he could barely wait.

Jungkook smiled against Yoongi’s lips, it only being interrupted by a gasp that fell from him when he felt himself getting stretched and prepared by Yoongi. Completely addicted to his lips, Jungkook wrapped his arm around the other’s neck keeping him close while he was working him open and preparing him. Kissing along his jaw and down Yoongi’s neck, Jungkook nuzzled his face there, his breath fanning against his skin as he held onto him as if he was scared the moment he let go, he would fall apart already. Jungkook couldn’t explain the feelings, he didn’t know why he felt so scared all of a sudden when this was what he had done so many times before, especially with Yoongi. Looking up at him, Jungkook eyes wandered over his body and up to his face, searching, trying to find the answer in Yoongi’s eyes – but there was nothing but love.

He could feel Jungkook shudder and reassuringly kissed his cheek. “It’s alright. You can tell me if it’s too much. We can stop anytime. I won’t be mad or anything.” He withdrew his fingers with a feeling of longing and a little disappointment because Jungkook was just ready and he could have slid it right away now, enjoying the warmth and perfect tightness that would engulf him... however, Jungkook looked fragile right now, almost scared and he definitely not wanted to do anything that would be too much or go too far. They had made big steps from being ‘casual hook up partners’ to making love with kisses and caresses and the prospect of sleeping with each other without protection. Maybe it had happened to fast. “Do you want me to stop? I could get you off another way and then do some lazy cuddling if that’s what you prefer. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

The way Yoongi was talking to him, so sweetly, so caring was only making it worse and Jungkook gasped for air in a weak moment. He shook his head, biting his lip harshly to keep his eyes from tearing up, “N-no, please, keep going. I am fine, really. I want you!” Leaning in, Jungkook kissed Yoongi softly, trying to reassure him that he was indeed okay. With a smile, Jungkook let himself fall back onto his, taking another deep breath. He nodded towards Yoongi, spreading his thighs a little more for him. His heart hammering hard against his chest, while he held onto Yoongi’s arms for support. “Please.”

Yoongi hesitated for a moment before he gave in. Jungkook had no reason to lie and his eyes looked so open and honest that Yoongi was sure he’d see any kind of discomfort immediately. “Then I’ll have you,” He answered simply before soothing a hand down Jungkook’s side and letting it rest at his hip so that he could steady and position himself. It was easy to push in, Jungkook was relaxed and well prepped and slippery and the feeling of his pure, unprotected skin was heavenly around his cock. Yoongi moaned low and desperate, stopping to catch his breath for a second because it felt so good he felt like he could come right away. Inch by inch he pushed into him, dragging it out until he was fully inside of him, so deep that the thought alone made him twitch with lust. “So good…,” He groaned, experimentally rocking his hips a little bit, “You feel so fucking good..”

The moment when Yoongi pushed in, it finally hit Jungkook like a million bricks. He tightened his hold around Yoongi’s arms immediately, his eyes wide open and tearing up as he felt like his heart was bursting from whatever he was feeling right now. He couldn’t understand it, not decipher it. He had never felt it. It was like the butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. Jungkook gulped heavily, a single teardrop falling onto his cheek when he realized what Yoongi had been doing. The way he had undressed him, kissed him, made sure that he was okay with whatever he was doing. At first Jungkook thought it was his way of apologizing again for last night but then he realized it was way more. He whimpered quietly with each push into him, as he was starting to shiver from the intensity.

Yoongi was making love to him and Jungkook was completely and intensely overwhelmed with it.

Quickly, he pulled him down onto him, hiding in the crook of his neck as he tried to cover up his own vulnerability with kissing along his soft skin. Yoongi had his eyes closed, losing himself completely in the moment. So, he only realized that Jungkook had been crying when Jungkook hid his face in the older’s neck and he could feel the telltale wetness on the other’s long lashes. Yoongi stiffened up, coming to a halt immediately. “Jungkook?” His voice sounded brittle and breathless. “Are you alright? Did I.. did I hurt you?” He was about to pull out but Jungkook’s tight hold prevented him from moving away. “What’s happening? Talk to me, please. Please, just... I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you...,” He repeated the words as if it would make Jungkook stop hurting and his heart clenched painfully when he realized he couldn’t. He had no idea what he had done wrong.

Jungkook shook his head, his voice only a whisper, “I’m not hurt.” It was the only thing he could say before a sob broke through him and he held on tighter to Yoongi, trying to soothe him at the same time. “Shh, n-no,” Jungkook shivered in his hold, only looking at Yoongi when the other made him and cupped his cheeks. His own hands wandered down to Yoongi’s hips, making him stay buried deep inside of him.

“You…you’re…m-making love to me,” Jungkook averted his gaze at first, then looked up at Yoongi, only realizing now what a mess he was. He was making himself vulnerable, he was falling apart right in front of Yoongi. And it was scaring him. The fact that he was giving himself over to the other right now. Completely. Naked. And that Yoongi had the power to destroy him right now. He closed his eyes, turning his head as if he was expecting a blow.

Yoongi’s face softened. He could feel Jungkook’s fear and he knew it himself. He wanted to take it away from the boy so badly it made him ache with it too. Gently he took Jungkook’s face in his hands, soothing over his cheek before kissing his forehead, his nose, his closed lips.

“Yes. Yes I am. And if it’s too much I can stop. I will only do what you want me to. But if you want to go on then I want you to know that this is exactly what you think it is. I’m not using you for pleasure. I want to feel you, in my heart, in my soul and through my body. You are precious to me, Jungkook. I know trusting is as difficult for you as it is for me so I understand if you can’t believe me right away though I’ll still tell you: I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to feel good, to be happy. To feel safe in my arms. And whatever you need, whatever it is that I can give you to make you feel at home with me I’ll happily give it to you. You’re a part of me now. And I don’t want to change that, ever again.” He wasn’t a great talker and especially not right in the middle of sex but Jungkook had obviously needed that and Yoongi himself had felt like his heart was about to burst if he didn’t speak his feelings out loud. He might be embarrassed later or scared about his own bravery. But no matter how he would feel about this later on, it wouldn’t make what he said any less true.

Jungkook stared up at Yoongi, the tears flowing down his cheeks on his own, while he was listening closely. He couldn’t stop sobbing, Yoongi’s words hitting him so hard and Jungkook wondered when he had fallen for that man above him? When the exact moment had been, but he didn’t know. He couldn’t remember. But his heart had chosen him anyways.

He sniffled cutely, wrapping his arms around Yoongi closely to feel even more of him and his warmth. “You make me feel good. Always,” Jungkook mumbled, his cheeks heating up, “Please, I don’t want you to stop. I’m sorry.” He let go off Yoongi a little more, so he could move his hips more freely. A kiss was placed on his lips and Jungkook smiled.

”Don’t be sorry. I want all of you, all parts of you, the happy just as much as the vulnerable and insecure.”

Moving again after being motionlessly inside of Jungkook drew a sharp gasp from him. He had concentrated on Jungkook so much that he had almost forgotten how hard he was. “Fuck! If... if there’s anything else you want to talk about you need to do it now or else I'm going to lose my breath,” He told him, with a grin on his lips and a dark, hungry fire in his eyes.

Jungkook shook his head but then stopped again and pushed his hand onto Yoongi’s chest. There were still tears on his cheeks and eyes and Jungkook hiccupped a little. “D-does this make me your…you know…,” Feeling anxious he bit his lip again, before he whispered as if he was afraid someone else could hear it, “…your boyfriend?”

The way Jungkook said it and his wide, dark eyes that made him look so soft and beautiful had the heat rushing into Yoongi’s cheeks until he felt like his face was on fire. He felt like a teenager again, young and naive and swept away by love before his heart had been broken and scared over and before he had sworn to himself that love and boyfriends was only something to believe in for the ones believing in miracles and unicorns. Apparently he had found his own unicorn right now. To his own surprise he heard himself saying, “If.. if you want to? You can be my boyfriend, my partner, my love… however, you want to call it.”

Jungkook nodded eagerly, moving his hips restlessly against Yoongi, before he added, “Only if you want to of course.” He smiled against the kiss that Yoongi was pressing onto his lips right away, taking away his worries and his fears right with it. His heart was beating into overdrive nonetheless and he moaned the second Yoongi was moving inside of him again. “Please, do what you promised me before now,” Jungkook smirked, wiping over his cheeks with his palm, still feeling a little out of it, “Make me forget my name.”

Yoongi didn’t need to be told twice. He had pushed his own body to the edge as well so as soon as Jungkook gave his okay he started moving again, pushing into him with slow, deliberate rolls of his hips. He wasn’t taking him as roughly as their sex normally was when they were rushed and heated and a little drunk (on each other) but it was nonetheless passionate. Just a little more sensual, a little drawn out. Though no matter the tempo Yoongi made still sure to push right into Jungkook’s sweet spot. He knew the other’s body well enough by now to be able to hit it dead on and so he kept the younger in place while rocking into him again and again, moaning helplessly at the tight, velvety perfect heat that was Jungkook’s body. He kissed every inch of his body, listening as he made soft whimpering sounds. Tears stung behind his lids. His body yearned for more, his heart crying out to taste his sweetness, feel his love and become one. Jungkook cried aloud, his fingers pressed hard into his shoulders. His skin tingled, Yoongi’s arms protectively around him while he was saying his name against his mouth over and over and he cried again as they came together in explosive release. Jungkook felt safe and in the right place. It was like they fitted perfectly together.

He couldn’t explain it, but he knew they belonged together now.

Yoongi didn’t let Jungkook out of his sight for a moment afterwards. They cleaned up a little (mostly Yoongi because Jungkook’s legs were giving out under him as he tried to get up) and then cuddled back into bed right after. They didn’t care about the time or what they should be doing, they were happy, perfectly content in their own timeless little bubble of bliss.

Yoongi breathed in Jungkook’s scent and whispered sweet little nothings into his sweaty hair. Jungkook trembled a little, maybe it was the tension melting out of his limbs, maybe exhaustion or maybe there was still a part of him that couldn’t believe that all this was happening. Whatever the reason Yoongi made sure to tuck the cover in around Jungkook, to hold him a little closer, kiss him a bit more softly, tell him wordlessly in a hundred ways that he was safe and cared for - and would be for as long as he chose to stay with Yoongi. “You good?” He mumbled, placing a kiss behind Jungkook’s ear, pulling him a little closer.

Before, to Jungkook, the piano had been just a huge piece of polished wood placed in one corner of Yoongi’s apartment with random sunlight beating down onto its black and white keys. There was no grey, nor other colors in between. Just like in his life.

That was until Yoongi started playing, filling the empty space with vibrating colors and even though Jungkook had his eyes closed, he could see it all every time. And just like the melody surrounding Yoongi, he filled Jungkook’s empty spaces with colors.

“I’m fine,” Jungkook whispered and reached to intertwine their hands, “I’m fine now.”

A/N: Another “short” story done! Jungkook finally found his home. How did you like it? The story was supposed to be far longer in the beginning, giving more insight on Yoongi’s troubles and Jungkook’s of course - but we kept it short for now. Maybe one day there will be a sequel to it. Cat and I just decided to concentrate on a few “shorter” stories rn. We already are working on a smol Easter Special, a sequel to the Minjoon ‘Mile High Valentine Club’ that many of you requested and another new Yoonkook AU as well. Can you see who our favorite pairings are? *cough* I will upload a new trailer for it tonight!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS STORY! REALLY! THANK YOU!!!! ❤❤❤❤ Don’t forget to subscribe to my list to get tagged into new fanfic works and also to add yourself in the ‘pairing’ section so we know what kind of pairings you’d like to see from us!

Subscribed: @angeljk @gguksbam @bngtnsnyndn-ily @whatarelarryfeels @jeonsdear@taeofcups @p-ixelite @lissachan504 @wise-bts-collector @nochuukookie @h-e-l-p-m-e-p-l-e-a-s-e @hisheartsmile @lxnehxre @violetrose120 @fusselkuchen @gelsavitichi @minsugasnerd @yoonqiful @thenameoftherain @atomicsweetspersona @j-hopeyouchokeme @sevenmakemeweak @taytaekook @seoksgalaxy @tobi-love

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 6 years

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13x18 “Bring Em Back Alive” “The victim dies a particularly gruesome death...” - The Thing about Emotional and Physical Healing - Part I of II

I’m sorry about this epicly long gifset, but then again I am really not lol, because I have a few things to say about these moments and for that I wanted the whole scene together in one post. The storyline following Dean and Ketch through Apocalypse!World easily was the most interesting to me and Dean getting wounded over there plays a huge part in that, because if I was to write the end of the season, I’d say this would be a rather perfect set up for a wonderful Dean arc.

Now, of course I could be totally wrong, but I could very well imagine that Dean’s wound was not a mere vehicle (or at least I hope so) to get Dean and Ketch to trade “untold stories”, which built one of the recurring themes of the episode, but serves as a starting point leading up to why Jensen will play another character than Dean further down the line.

To me the key element here is the aspect of “healing”, because that was the second big recurring theme within the episode. And the aspects of physical and mental healing and physical and mental wounds were illustrated and paralleled rather directly with Gabriel back in Normal!World and Dean in Apocalypse!World. Gabriel, who slowly started to find his way back from the toll the torture and imprisonment had left on him physically as well a psychologically aligns pretty well with Dean, who gets shot and suffers from a physical wound that festers very fast on the one hand, but on the other hand also struggles heavily with the mental wounds the experience of losing his mom and being reminded through meeting Apocalypse!Charlie again how much they have lost and how he feels he has failed so many of those they lost and feels responsible for their deaths even though they aren’t on him (”I never should have come back” really shows in what a dark mindspace he is).

The reason why to me Dean getting shot and being pretty badly wounded (the black veins definitely reminded of how Dean’s veins glowed when he held the blade and the poisons, addicttive quality of it spread through him or even more so the black veins that showed when Amara’s “virus” befell the people in S11) here feels so important is due to how the show kept making a point about it - especially because that is the first thing Sam comments on once Dean is back and Dean just brushes it off. Ketch may have put some sort of ointment on Dean’s wound, but really to me he didn’t seem all that better, but rather seemed to bite back the pain to keep moving. But honestly, I think this is only the beginning for Dean.

Now, I have talked about Wolfgang von Eschenbach’s “Parsifal” quite a few times before in relation to Dean especially (see here, here, here, here, here) and how the show has framed him as Amfortas a few times before and I feel one could see parallels with Dean getting wounded in Apocalypse!World pretty well. To cut this short, I think Dean may well not heal from this wound (and it also may influence him/change him in some ways due to whatever has been put on that bullet), but will rather see it getting worse again (that is at least where I would go if I was a writer, then again I am really not, so Dabb will probably go the direct opposite direction lol), which he will likely try to hide. Like Amfortas in the legend is saved in the end, I think for Dean there may also be a solution and I feel this could have been nicely paralleled with Gabriel taking his own grace back in and how that may have helped him to power back up.

This may all be a bit too crazy, but I feel there are enough aspects that could make this work. Essentially I think Dean’s wound may either change him and/or it may only be possible to heal with archangel grace, because the entire focus on Aesmodeus conveniently mentioning how he is now “bound” to Gabriel, how they share a “connection”, are “blood brothers”. All these descriptions to me harken back to how there exists a special connection between an angel and its vessel and that can be used if one only has to know how to dial...

More spec and meta on this topic in Part II

#SPN spoilers #SPN Meta #Supernatural Meta #Dean love club #Dean Winchester Meta #13x18 #Bring em back alive #Dean Winchester #Dark!Dean #Foreshaodwing #Parallels #SPN speculation #Dusty Gifs #Gif Meta #13x18gif #Things about 13x18

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horrorgay · 6 years

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Reylo is/has ruined the Sequels

Hot take: TLJ both story level and writer level used reylo to make every single character removed from their initial storyline and undercut any potentially meaningful representation, by pushing them to the far sides of the narrative to make room for a “Rey saves Ben Solo redemption” story.

It also, in order to make Ben Solo a more #relatable soft boy, played the game of “but maybe Luke thought about killing him”.

A. To begin, here is a list of canonical TFA!Kylo actions:

Ruined Luke’s attempts at teaching children how to use the force

Contributed greatly to the creation of the New Genocidal Order, the First Order.

An Order which, by the way, takes literal babies and brainwashes them into soldiers that will commit their genocide without question.

Ordered and contributed to the slaughter of an entire village of innocent people.

Tortured two of the three main characters on SCREEN, which caused them to scream in agony and sob because it was a painful torture.

(Throughout the movie is clearly hostile towards Rey, even when talking about her to his fellow first order members)

Sent the orders to obliterate four (?) ENTIRE planets and oversaw it without even flinching

Tried to blow up Maz’s castle

Purposefully intimidated and stalked Rey through the forest, after which he held her VERY CLEARLY against her will with the force and brought his lightsaber inches away from her face before forcing her to pass out, carrying her away from her new loved ones to torture her on Starkiller Base.

From there he is shown to be continuously destructive, exhibiting no anger control as he damages the things around him.

He kills Han, who reached out to him. Though he does seem to show regret, he shoves it aside because he wants to continue to grow as a powerful murderer.

In the forest fight, he shows no mercy or kindness to Rey and Finn. He is brutal as he fights them, and intends to kill Finn, seriously harming him in the process. He throws Rey against a tree with potentially lethal force. I wouldn’t say this scene is inherently EVIL as it is just 1v2 combat, but it does further display that they are clearly on OPPOSITE SIDES.

He then offers to teach Rey to use the dark side of the force (not explicitly stated but obviously in the same GENOCIDAL manner he’s been using it with the entire movie).

She slashes his face and leaves him to die, and then SOBS by Finn’s side, ready to die on Starkiller Base.

Rey, throughout the whole movie shows CLEAR disgust, fear, anger and bitterness was towards Kylo as he has been nothing but a monster. (You can SEE them in the gifset linked below.)

B. Here is the thing about The Last Jedi:

If they wanted to make Kylo a “redeemable character”* they should have done at least one of the following things, EVEN THOUGH it absolutley would not undo his actions in TFA

*Its not Rey’s fucking job to turn back time and make a genocidal monster turn back into 10 year old innocent Ben Solo

Build Snoke up as an even worse bad guy, and show how he reached out to Kylo while he stayed with Luke.

What they did in tlj: implied snoke had some reason in his turn to the dark side and then killed him halfway through the movie (after Kylo watched him torture Rey, mind you). This provided NO in movie backstory for Snoke or Kylo‘s turn and does not give the audience even an once of sympathy for Kylo.

No one likes it but reylos, but at least SHOW if Han and Leia had been incredibly neglectful of Kylo. It would be very OOC of Han and Leia though, so they didn’t. It also would not NEARLY be enough reason to excuse his murder lust and genocide. I remind you of the classic “Rey is raised by sand and Unkar Plutt, does not become murderer.”

What they did in tlj: Basically ignored this entire subject. Sending Kylo to Luke, HIS UNCLE WHO LOVES HIM, is not nearly enough evidence or reason for redemption. Hell, they didn’t even directly address the fact that Kylo murdered Han A WEEK BEFORE THE MOVIE TAKES PLACE.

BARE MINIMUM: Show that he is actively remorseful of his previous actions.

What they did in tlj: He hesitates shooting the bridge he knows Leia is on. He doesn’t call off the attack though, and it still is destroyed. That’s it. The rest of the movie is Kylo playing kicked puppy in front of Rey (bc of the Luke Incident). After the fight scene on the bridge, where Rey is hopeful (addressed later on) he will reject the first order, he says she could rule as the new first order by his side. When she rejects this, he spends the rest of the movie trying to obliterate the entire resistance (INCLUDING: Leia, Luke and Rey). Like he’s straight up even more wrathful and murderous than he was when the story began.

Conclusion: It doesn’t make sense at all that both inside the story, and out (with Lucas Film) Kylo can/should be redeemed. They didn’t write it into the story NEARLY WELL ENOUGH. And it is also tone deaf, considering the political climate. Imagine if everyone started cheering for Trump the under dog, “will he get his redemption story?”.

C. AND NOW WE GET TO THE ACTUAL REYLO ASPECT.

In the beginning of the movie roughly a week after the events on Starkiller base, Rey shows clear anger and disgust towards Kylo. This part of the movie makes sense. She hates him for what he’s done. In her words: he’s a monster, and he has to pay for what he’s done.

Kylo has been nothing but violent, malicious and invasive to both her and the people she loves (Finn, Han, Leia etc.).

But then, inexplicably she starts calling him Ben Solo. Maybe this would make sense if she felt like he could be redeemed, but five minutes ago and the entire previous movie she thinks the exact opposite.

Rey calling Kylo “Ben Solo” seems more than anything to be the writers of TLJ pandering the side of the audience that does want to see him redeemed still. Sure, whatever. It’s the beginning of the movie. Anything could happen.

But as stated before in section B, any potential attempts to portray Kylo being redeemed in the plot are then neglected completely. Leaving us with Rey, who previously hated Kylo with every fiber of her being suddenly treating him like he’s soft and kind-hearted. It becomes OOC drivel, and detrimentally ruins the heart of Rey’s character. (It also fumbles Luke’s character in what apparently is his last movie, but that’s a whole other rant.)

After the throne room, they go back to their original status of Hero vs Villain. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that the 45 minutes (more?) of the movie made No God Damn Sense, and was a series of severe fumbles in the narrative.

D. WHY THIS HURTS THE REST OF THE NARRATIVE.

Recall that in the year before 2015 and the years following up until the Last Jedi, that Lucas Film and Disney presented what was supposed to be the main good guys trio: Finn, Poe and Rey.

Finn, played by John Boyega, is the Main Male Protagonist and Rey and Finn were mutually portrayed as love interests in TFA. It would seem fitting that he’d continue to be treated in such a manner. Except he CLEARLY wasn’t. For goodness sakes, the main trio STILL is not consciously in the same room as each other until the VERY end of the movie in a few-minute long scene.

His storyline also has pretty racist issues. Rose was introduced to give a vague purpose to his storyline in TLJ, and even then SHE was OOC from star to finish. Rian Johnson did not take his time to write a meaningful story for the MALE LEAD.

I love Poe to death, but he and Holdo’s story did not really work. From a purely common sense POV the story should not have gone down the way it did. From a less common sense view, and a more character based one, their storyline caused Poe to be OOC. The heavy handed white feminism looks bad. It made Poe look bad, even if what he did was reasonable. (More in depth explanations here and here.)

The narrative was given to Kylo, and to (OOC) Rey. Which WOULD HAVE BEEN NOT IDEAL BUT TOLERABLE if they’d actually given depth to Kylo’s story. But again the didn’t.

E. WHY LUCAS FILM SUCKS FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN.

Rian Johnson has been explicitly clear in his tweets and interviews that he wanted to focus on Kylo. He wanted to make him more human and relatable (regardless of whether or not he failed).

He has been clear that he did not care or take into account what the cast thought of the story he was writing.

(Ignoring Mark Hamill’s advice on the portrayal of Luke, pushing aside Daisy Ridley’s tears [which let’s be real, it’s fairly evident that she was upset because Finn and Rey had no story nor interactions, and Rey was turned into an OOC plot device].)

He had joked that he would have left Finn out of the story and in a coma. He also unabashedly romanticized Rey and Kylo’s actions, despite that being VERY VERY VERY VERY QUESTIONABLE.

He teased FinnPoe in promos and events leading up to TLJ, and decided that if Finn and Poe were going to get a long and like each other, he might as well separate them too.

The Last Jedi leaves any representation deeply flawed, sidelined or non-existent. It is not a movie for the everyone. It is a poorly written movie made for an audience I can’t even pinpoint, but certainty not for anyone who wanted to see themselves in a narrative in a positive way.

Star Wars has always belonged to everyone. In 2015, the took a step forward to make it belong to everyone. But in 2017, Lucas Film moved backwards and made a movie that belonged to a specific group of people who idolize and romanticize white male violence. Once you pull down the paper thin smoke screen of supposed diversity, you’re left with a bad movie, and poorly assembled narrative about Kylo, at the expense of everyone: the audience, the cast, and the characters.

NOTES:

Feel free to reblog, and repost elsewhere, but please credit me.

Please, feel free to expand upon what I said here.

I am going to make a gifset that highlights Kylo’s actions and Rey’s response through TLJ and TFA, as well as an additional set with Rey and Finn. I will link them here when I’m done.

DISCLAIMER: IDGAF IF YOU LIKE KYLO. It’s not a crime to like characters. It is a fucking crime to write an official star wars trilogy and center it around the garbage man stink boy at the expense of everyone else.

#tlj #tlj critical #anti reylo #antireylo #thelastjedicritical #long post

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walkthegale · 6 years

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Berena :)

Ahaha. So. ;D

I’d seen Berena in passing, on my dash and elsewhere, for ages. Since not long after they brought Bernie into the show, I think, but I’d assumed it was a fanon pairing. And I wasn’t here for queerbaiting, and I hadn’t watched Holby City in years and years, and I don’t tend to get on well with soaps, so I figured it was best left well enough alone.

Then I gradually absorbed, by the usual fandom osmosis, that maybe it was genuinely going to be canon, and then that it actually was.

And still I didn’t watch it, because I don’t like soaps, and I didn’t really know who the characters were anyway, and I couldn’t imagine how Holby could produce something I’d enjoy, even it did have lesbians in it.

But fandom osmosis crept on, and at some point I realised that I probably did want to watch it, because holy shit, awesome older lady doctor lesbian couple, how is that even a thing on the BBC. But I held out, because I don’t like soaps, and it would probably all end in tragedy anyway.

And then, @cosmic-llin caved in. She watched the YouTube playlists, and she discovered the fandom, and she wrote fic of her own.

I still held out, but I think I knew I was a lost cause, by then.

@cosmic-llin and I went away for a few days for our anniversary in February 2017, and she spent the entire time talking about Berena. She talked about Berena for three days, solidly. Like, I have been a delighted recipient of her fannish ramblings for many years now, and I was still surprised by quite how much she managed to talk about Berena.

So, by the end of the trip, I had read her first Berena fic (which is an excellent, excellent delight, by the way, and I highly recommend!), and heard all her feelings, and when we got home, I opened up YouTube, and I watched all the Berena clips in the space of a day. And then I went back and immediately watched the longer playlist, with the clips of both of them in it.

And holy shit, awesome older lady doctor queer couple, who are both brilliant and super competent and support each other and challenge each other, and all the other things that I am so utterly 200% here for omfg. I love them each individually, and they are both such strong, awesome characters, and I love them together, and I love that they are such interesting, rounded people on their own, and I love how they are together and what their relationship is made up of and does for them.

I still don’t have the faintest idea what to do with that, that it really exists, that it’s on the BBC, that we got everything we did, and that it’s ONGOING. There will be more. Idek. Argh.

The other thing Berena did for me specifically, is that it got me back into writing fanfic, which has been a really awesome experience. I’d written bits and bobs over the previous few years, but nothing much, and I was struggling with writing generally. And then this came along and it was so easy and so much fun… the writing just happened, and I was enjoying it, and the fandom was (and still is!) so active and responsive and delightful, and it was just such a lovely experience to be a part of.

Also, oh my god have we seen their FACES. They have such good faces. And how those faces look at each other and kiss each other and it’s AMAZING. AND THE KISSES. What good onscreen kisses those are. I am forever grateful for all the gifsets, so I can watch those kisses a million times, in slow motion, because they are some of the best onscreen kisses I’ve ever seen.

Also, also, I love how awesome Catherine Russell and Jemma Redgrave have been about the whole thing.

This whole, slightly overly long answer can be boiled down to a lot of screaming and flailing and *hearteyes*, really. ;D

send me a ship and i’ll tell you my relationship with it!

#ship meme #berena #ktlsyrtis

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mamacyno · 6 years

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The History I Want

Yet another fix-it speculation for a way to resolve the Lyatt/Jessica storyline.

Takes place the day after the final scene in episode 2x07. Lucy reflects on her last conversation with Wyatt and starts to realize that she may have misjudged just how happy he really is now that Jessica is back.

Also available on AO3.

Lucy sat alone in her and Jiya’s room making use of some much-needed alone time to try and process her conversation with Wyatt from the night before. Although she appreciated the sympathetic ear and open door Flynn assured her was always available, Lucy didn’t need (or want) to deaden her brain synapses this time.

As she sat on her cot with back against the wall, she closed her eyes tightly trying to remember and replay every detail of Wyatt’s facial expression and body language right before he walked away from her. Where’s a Tumblr gifset when you need it, she thought to herself.

There was something about his reaction to when she said her “kicking ass and saving the world” comment that was… unexpected. She knows it was a cheesy attempt to lighten the mood, but she thought she’d get one of his trademark smirks or a half-hearted chuckle. At least that’s what the “old Wyatt” would have done, she thinks. Heck, even this Wyatt who was so seemingly desperate to continue being friends would have acknowledged her goofiness with a smile. Instead, he just seemed… sad, as if he lost his best friend.

Suddenly Lucy opened her eyes and let out a small gasp. She remembered the first time she had seen that look on his face before.

“Jessica died. It was my fault.”

Lucy closed her eyes again and leaned back against the cool bunker wall, which now felt eerily familiar to that New Jersey county prison in 1937. The look she saw on Wyatt’s face last night is the same one that would come across his face every time he spoke about Jessica for as long as she’d known him up until one windy moonlit night in 1941.

But that makes no sense, Lucy thought as she tried to make sense of this discovery. Jessica’s alive, he should be overjoyed to have the love of his life back. He finally has everything he’s wanted, and yet… Lucy realized she couldn’t remember the last time that she saw Wyatt smile – genuinely smile – out of happiness. Like he did the last time he had his hands on my hips, standing in our own little bubble in a crowded bunker with a look in his eyes that hinted at... Lucy silently reproached herself for letting her mind finish that thought, but she couldn’t deny that it was the truth.

Up until that moment, Lucy had convinced herself that Wyatt was suppressing his joyful emotions about his wife’s return to spare her feelings. But then she recalled seeing Wyatt’s almost forced wave goodbye to his wife from her seat in the Lifeboat as she strapped in for their trip to 1919. Wyatt could have easily made a quick trip back down the stairs to say a more heartfelt goodbye safely out of Lucy’s line of sight. As much as she was hurting, she wouldn’t have disparaged him for showing his wife an inkling of affection. After all, the entire team knows the risks of time travel include returning to a changed future where loved ones no longer exist.

The scene she had to witness between the Logans when they returned, however, is one that she wished she could drown out with a half a bottle of vodka. Her only comfort from that uncomfortable situation was that it looked like Wyatt finally got it. He broke off the kiss and quickly ushered Jessica out of the room. He understood that Lucy being supportive of his decision didn’t mean she wanted a front-row seat to witness their happy marriage.

Happy, Lucy repeated to herself. She almost wished that Wyatt acted happier to have his wife back, not only for his own happiness, but so that she could achieve some sense of closure and reassurance that everyone made the right decisions. Everything is how it was meant to be; how destiny wanted it to happen.

“Oh, what? You’re all about fate and destiny, except when it comes to love?”

Lucy smirked at the irony of Wyatt’s words from what felt like a lifetime ago. I guess fate had other plans for us, she thought ruefully, as she lay down on her side hugging her pillow and suddenly regretting being alone with her thoughts.

As the first tear began to pool in her eyes, there was a soft knock on her door. Lucy considered feigning sleep until the visitor went away, but the knocking repeated followed by a voice that still caused a warm feeling in her heart when it called her name.

“Lucy? Can I come in?”

Wyatt. Lucy pulled herself upright and wiped her eyes completely unsure what she should do, but before she could begin to weigh out her possible options, she had stood up and opened the door.

He was leaning on his arm on the door jamb above head-level which made his body lean toward the door. His right hand was in the air obviously about to make another attempt at knocking, but he stood frozen just looking into Lucy’s eyes when she opened the door.

Wyatt lowered his hand and as the next few seconds of silence passed, Lucy swore he had stopped breathing as he stared at her as if he had just come back to life.

“Hi,” Lucy said as the silence threatened to linger interminably.

Wyatt finally took a breath and responded, “Hi. Can we talk?”

“Wyatt…”

“Please. It’s important,” he said pleadingly.

Lucy retreated into the room to allow him to step inside. Wyatt closed the door behind him and took a seat at the desk chair beside the door. Lucy sat on the far end of her cot with nearly the entire length of the room between them. Lucy looked him silently but moved her eyes slightly to invite him to start talking. She was biting her bottom lip to avoid saying anything that could possibly be interpreted as salty or impatient.

“Lucy,” he started nervously, “I lied yesterday when I told you that I still care about you.” He could see Lucy’s body react reflexively to his (poorly chosen) words, so he quickly tried again. “I mean… of course, I still care about you, but that wasn’t entirely true.”

Lucy stared at him with the same look in her eyes as when he told her she wasn’t hideous, but this time without a smile on her lips. Realizing this was going nowhere fast, and that Lucy was probably about thirty seconds from kicking him out of her room, Wyatt quickly changed tactics and decided to stop mincing words.

“Lucy, I love you.”

Lucy stared at him in stunned silence and then slowly shook her head. “No,” she said quietly, and then again slightly louder. “No, Wyatt. You can’t. You finally have what you’ve always wanted.”

“That’s the thing, Luce. I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone – until you were gone. I don’t just want to be your co-worker for ‘kicking ass and saving the world.’ I need us to be more than that, because that’s how you and I save the world. We trust each other. We saved each other, and that’s too important to throw away.”

Wyatt paused to gauge her reaction and was almost grateful that she was still silent. Perhaps that meant that she was actually listening, because from the multiple times that she kept insisting he was happily married yesterday, he knew that she hadn’t been seeing clearly. And neither was he, if he was honest with himself.

Lucy finally started to react to Wyatt’s confession, although slowly. “Wyatt, this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. This is not what’s meant to be,” she said as she fought the tears that were threatening to form again.

A small smirk creeped across Wyatt’s face. “You know I don’t believe in ‘meant to be,’ though, or fate or anything like that.” He then let out a heavy sigh, and continued a bit more seriously, “And we know that Jessica’s return wasn’t fate. Rittenhouse changed history to make sure she came back, and I’m thankful that she didn’t die the horrible death that was my fault, but she did endure a terrible marriage with an absent alcoholic husband. I thought I could fix that for her – make things right by her, but I can’t be the husband she deserves when I’m in love with someone else. When I’m in love with the woman who made me a better man.”

Lucy closed her eyes and shook her head again as the tears finally began to fall down her cheeks. “No, Wyatt, I told you, I will not be that woman.”

In response to her tears, Wyatt immediately stood up to go to her, but remembering his place, he slowed his pace and sat down just within arm’s reach of Lucy. “I know, and I would never ask you to be that woman. I realized last night during our talk that a choice had to be made by me, and so I made it.”

Praying she didn’t recoil at his touch, he carefully placed his hand on her cheek and gently used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear. Lucy looked up and stared into his blue eyes holding her breath as he continued.

“I told Jessica that I want to go through with the divorce.”

Lucy’s insides turned with more conflicting feelings than her mind could label. Guilt, relief, shock, and horror all came crashing down on her at once. The gravity of Wyatt’s news weighed her down, but yet she could almost see a bright light of hope trying to keep her afloat. Her knee jerk reaction was to protest, but protest what? She knew now that she was the one – the only one – who used the words “happy” and “love” to describe Wyatt’s second chance at marriage. Was it fair to Wyatt (or herself) to refute what he was telling her? What gave her the right to tell this man, who never liked talking about himself or his struggles, that although he was pouring his heart out to her, that he had it all wrong?

Lucy raised her hand to her cheek to grab his even though the tears continued to fall. She held his hand in her lap and ran her fingers over his. Had it really only been a few weeks since this hand had touched every inch of her body so tenderly and so naturally?

Finally, she found her voice again. “How can you be sure so soon? Jessica’s only been back a couple of weeks. Maybe you just need more time.”

Within a heartbeat, Wyatt replied, “Time is too precious to waste, and not just because we traverse decades in a matter of minutes on a regular basis.” He saw a hint of a smile flash on Lucy’s lips giving him the confidence to keep talking. “When you were missing for those six weeks, it felt like six years to me. I never gave up hope that you were alive, because I could still feel you in my heart, and I could hear your bossy, know-it-all voice in my head telling me to find you. And when I did, I was alive again. I was more alive than I had been in six actual years.”

Lucy looked him knowing that every word he said was true, because she had felt the same way, but her doubt returned. “But when you saw Jessica again, you must have felt the same way, right?” she asked unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

“That’s the thing. It didn’t. I mean, I was grateful and relieved that she was safe and alive, but it wasn’t the same. I felt complete again when I saw you in that ammunitions tent. But ever since Jessica’s been back, I’ve felt… fractured, like the best part of me is lost.” Wyatt squeezed Lucy’s hand and looked into her tear-filled eyes before he continued. “I love Jessica, and I always will, but if history is the choices we make, then the history I want – the future I want – is with you.”

Lucy was certain that the look in her eyes as she stared back at Wyatt conveyed every ounce of love that he was saying in words. And she truly believed that under normal circumstances, upon hearing words like that, she would have lunged at him and kissed him endlessly. But their lives weren’t normal, and she had had the rug pulled out from under her before when it came to this man, so she maintained her distance and asked a practical question.

“So what happens to you and Jessica now?”

If Wyatt was disappointed with Lucy’s response, he didn’t show it. God knows I’ve put her through hell these past two weeks, he thought to himself. “Well, we’re worried about Rittenhouse finding her when she leaves the bunker, so for the time being, she’ll have to stay. When Agent Christopher gets back to the bunker, we’ll ask her about the possibility of getting her into a witness protection program so that she can have a chance to get her life back and move on.”

“Oh,” Lucy replied. “That makes sense.” Lucy realized that they were still holding hands and slowly pulled hers away under the pretense of wiping away her tears, which finally stopped falling, and brushing away her hair from her face.

Wyatt didn’t protest her release of his hand and retracted his as well. “Lucy, I want you to know, I came to you first with this news, because I wanted you to know… everything,” he added shyly. “But I don’t expect anything from you. I know that I didn’t handle any of this in the best way, and I can’t tell you how much I regret hurting you. I never wanted to do that, and I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, and continued with a silent prayer of hopeful thinking, “I hope you can forgive me, and I hope that one day we’ll have the chance to try again and do it right next time.”

A grateful smile crossed Lucy’s face. “Maybe next time I won’t jinx it by saying that we have nowhere to go but down before we’ve had a chance to go on a first date.”

“That sounds like a deal, Ma’am.”

Lucy placed her hand on his scruffy cheek, and leaned over to give him a soft, but lingering kiss on his mouth. The smile on Wyatt’s face as she pulled away almost made her burst out laughing.

“What was that for?”, he asked still beaming.

“It was just a hint at the possibilities that lie before us.”

Before Wyatt could respond, a deafening alarm blared throughout the bunker signaling that the Mothership had jumped.

“Well at least Rittenhouse had the decency to let us get a kiss in,” Wyatt joked as the both stood up to exit the room and join the team.

#timeless #timeless fic #lyatt #lucy preston #wyatt logan

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the-real-xmonster · 7 years

Text

On bias, and whatnot

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm that anon that just gave u feedback. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe when u make those posts, adding any personal assumptions could be something u do unconsciously, especially when talking abt skaters u aren't a fan of. Like using a certain skater as the epitome of very bad technique, demanding that most (if not all) jumps should be << or < and mentioning the Olympic oath. I think it'll be better if u just point these errors out without those side comments. -- -- In a way, those comments make it look like that skater is deliberately cheating and not doing anything, not working hard enough, instead of the real flaw that is the ISU judging system. Don't worry, I don't see u as a hater, but comments placed alongside those posts imo make it seem like u just dislike that skater. And yeah as I said, it'll be better if u can judge diff skaters on the same standards. Anyway, thanks for your kind response :) (sorry this got super long again) --AND I get that biases are unavoidable and u are trying ur best to keep things simple, but I hope u don’t do so at the expense of ppl thinking wrong abt other skaters. Your blog helped me learn so much about the sport and I really appreciate the effort! Again, thank you and sorry for these long-ass asks

Hey there, thanks for the clarification. I’m glad I understand what you’re referring to now. Honestly for one moment I was scared you were talking about my tendency to be partial to Yuzuru and to keep using him as examples in my tech posts - now that is something I won’t be able to change anytime soon.

We’re talking about Shoma, yes? So I’d like to clarify: no, I do not think he’s the epitome of bad technique. As I mentioned the other day, he is by no means the only skater on the circuit having a pre-rotation issue. I did use his jump as an example of PR in this info post of mine (which I think is the only one time when I brought this topic up completely unasked for), but that was because I was using the top 6 men as examples throughout the post, and among that group, Shoma is the only one with that issue.

Now about this post, I did not write it with the purpose of demanding anything, The ask I received there was about why I appeared to treat Shoma’s jumps differently, so I was trying to explain that his jumping habits are quite visible and uniform across his toe loops, loops, flips, and Lutzes. I then went on to explain why, considering that fact, I’ve been opting to talk about his quad flip instead of the other jumps. True, I did say that based on my observation, I really ought to be demanding downgrade on everything except the Axel and maybe the Salchows. But that was by no means the main point of that post, and even if you take it to be the main point, I’d say it’s pretty factual: according to ISU rule, jumps pre-rotated by 180 degrees or more must be downgraded. You can argue with me about whether or not Shoma’s PR is visible enough in real time for the technical panel to make the call, but it remains a fact that, when you look at it closely, his PR is a thing that objectively exists.

By the way, technically his jumps should be called << for PR; I say nothing about the < call, which is used for under-rotation. In fact, I have said in no less than 3 separate occasions (here, here, and here) that Shoma doesn’t usually under-rotate his jumps. He might appear to, because of knee torque, but it’s usually not bad enough to merit a < call.

On my usage of the Olympic oath in a Shoma discussion, in that original post itself, I’ve heralded it by explicitly stating that it falls under the unsolicited part of my opinion. I have also tried to clarify my thinking further here, here, and here. I’d also like to point out that I’ve mentioned time and again that I never ever for one moment think that Shoma is not working hard enough. In fact, I probably mentioned it too much, because the last time I brought it up, I was given feedback that my comment came off as condescending - which is honestly completely not what I was aiming for.

That’s all I could think of to explain my point of view. I hope it helps clear things up.

Anonymous said:

I just want to say that I deeply appreciate every post you make, all the tech posts and gif posts and especially your posts sharing your personal opinions (they were the ones drawing my attention to your blog, and I love them!). I think the previous anon has no right to demand the things they said to you. If they want a pure technique info, just go google it. If they demand such a thing, they can either share their thoughts or simply unfollow.(I’m sorry,I feel really angry with that anon ask :(

Anonymous said:

Hey, I’m sorry to see that you’ve been getting asks accusing you of bias. As far as I can see these people only know how to vaguely call you biased and aren’t able to actually point out where you were supposedly inaccurate in your posts. If you were really wrong, it would be easy for them to just point it out. It’s so very transparent of these guys to pose as neutral and unbiased saints when all they want is for you to stop criticizing their faves’ flaws. I say keep up your good work. 👍

Guys, thank you so much. I’m very happy you are not annoyed by my not-always-unbiased opinions :) I know that I have a heck of a lot of those especially when it comes to Yuzuru. I mean, lordy, I have a confession to make that the other day when I put his hydroblade jump entry next to one of Janny’s for a gifset, I blatantly cut off the part where he fell on his butt right under the spotlight (whereas she lander her jump perfectly) :)) I’m eternally grateful that no Janny fan has come forth to call me out on my borderline fraudulent and manipulative activity.

For what it’s worth, even if it’s just about random stuff on the Internet, I do think that everyone should be held accountable for what they say and we should never encourage nor tolerate outright lies or defamation. I, however, do not have the full capacity to meditate on how every single line I write (and I do write a lot, unfortunately, please blame my natural wordy tendency) will be interpreted by every single person who will read it. If you have doubts about my intention/implication, do feel free to demand me to clarify it. I will do so, up to a certain limit, because I think that when I’ve explained myself thrice and you refuse to see the sense in it, we really should stop wasting each other’s time and agree to disagree.

#replies #tech talk #figure skating

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jemmasolo · 7 years

Note

Can you do a gifset comparing Jemmas reaction to inhumans after trips death to her interacting with vijay?

First and foremost, here is a gifset (made by someone else, several months ago; we couldn’t reblog it because the person has us blocked, but it crossed my dash a few times) that fulfills your request.

That said, feel free to ignore the rest of this answer! It’s not really a response to you so much as a rant shouted into the void, because this is a perspective held by a large part of fandom, and they are wrong. The rant isn’t your fault at all and I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings; you’ve just managed to strike on a GINORMOUS pet peeve of mine.

So, modly duties fulfilled, I can now don my Jemma stan cap and say that no, it’s not really possible to compare Jemma’s reaction to Inhumans after Trip’s death to Jemma’s interaction with Vijay, because Jemma was not reacting to Inhumans after Trip died.

To spare everyone’s dashes, the rant proceeds below the cut:

In Aftershocks, when Jemma called the change to Raina’s DNA “horrific” and suggested that killing her might be the only sensible course of action, she was not reacting to Inhumans, because she didn’t know that Inhumans existed. She didn’t know that Raina’s transformation was a natural thing, a fulfillment of a promise in her DNA, or that an entire secret society of other people had existed for years and years.

This is what Jemma knew during Aftershocks:

Raina, Trip, and Skye had all been exposed to some unknown chemical via the obelisk

which had been known to kill almost everyone who touched it, and

which Jemma personally witnessed Daniel Whitehall plotting to use to create a weapon of mass destruction

Upon being exposed to this obelisk-chemical:

Trip died

Skye was (apparently) unchanged

Raina underwent a strange transformation that altered her in appearance and on a genetic level

Raina—who previously seemed to avoid getting her hands dirty, instead acting as a kind of puppeteer/coordinator while people around her inflicted harm (witness: talking Chan into cooperating but not personally experimenting on him, kidnapping Coulson and talking him into submitting to the memory machine rather than using it on him forcefully, etc.)—personally murdered several of Jemma’s lab techs after going through this transformation

The obelisk’s chemical was alien in nature

Exposure to an alien virus nearly killed Jemma and did kill several firefighters

And again, for emphasis: Trip DIED

This is what Jemma did not know:

That Inhumans existed

That many, many Inhumans had gone through this process without anyone dying or becoming murderers

That Skye was also changed***

Jemma wasn’t reacting to the Inhumans. Inhumans weren’t a thing to SHIELD yet; they didn’t know who or what they were, they didn’t know transition was a long-established process, and they had no idea that there was a reason Raina and Daisy survived where Trip didn’t.

Jemma was reacting to an unknown threat that had already caused several deaths, one of them Trip’s.

For all Jemma knew, this could’ve been something out of a scary sci-fi/horror movie, where an alien takes over someone’s body and uses it to commit horrific wrongs. (Kind of like what happened in s3 with Hive, actually.)

Or Raina could’ve been infected with something like the Chitauri virus, and even as Jemma and Skye were talking was out spreading it to innocent civilians, dooming them to terrifying transformations and/or death.

Did Jemma overreact? Yes, probably…but please take into account that Jemma was grieving Trip (remember how she stood there and watched his remains be wheelbarrowed out?) and had her own personal, alien-related trauma in s1, which undoubtedly left her with a few mental scars. In light of those facts, I think it’s perfectly natural that Jemma would be frightened, and would support killing Raina (who, if you’ll recall, was an ENEMY, whose crimes included kidnapping Coulson, kidnapping Ace Peterson, exposing Jemma as a mole, and colluding with HYDRA on multiple occasions) over risking that she might be infected with something that was putting the general populace at risk.

tl;dr Jemma being kind and encouraging and supportive to Vijay was not character development. It was not the result of Jemma growing as a person~, or whatever else people have said. It was Jemma having all of the necessary information, plain and simple.

***And before anyone inevitably brings up Jemma’s reaction to Skye’s powers: Jemma did not want to fix Skye because she was Inhuman, as (again) Jemma still didn’t know Inhumans were a thing. Jemma wanted to fix Skye because Skye’s powers seemed to come from the obelisk and, more importantly, were causing Skye to fracture her own bones.

That was not a reaction born of anti-Inhuman bias. That was a reaction born of one of Jemma’s best friends being forced to hurt herself to avoid hurting anyone else with these strange new powers she couldn’t control.

Thank you and good day.

–Amy / shineyma

#answered ask #anonymous #once again please don't take this personally nonnie #it's nothing to do with you #just one of my major gripes with the fandom's view of s2 jemma #mod post

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rahirah · 7 years

Text

I was hunting through a bunch of old LJ blog entries for something else, and I happened upon a link to this ancient kerfuffle. The tl;dr version is that there was a BtVS fan convention called Writercon, held back in 2006, and one guy who went wrote up a con report afterwards bemoaning the fact that gross icky m/m slash was everywhere, making him uncomfortable and ruining his convention experience. Also his son was with him and he didn't want his impressionable child exposed to such things. (I believe it turned out that his son was in his twenties or late teens at least.) This caused a huge argument, as you might expect. Most people thought that while he had a right to dislike m/m slash, he had no right to demand that the convention provide him with a slash-free experience. There were, however, a few people who felt he had a right to demand just that.

In this particular case, slash made this person uncomfortable because he was a raging homophobe. Being a raging homophobe in fandom was borderline then, and is even less acceptable now. That wasn't always the case. If he had published a similar con report in, say, 1985, he might well have been cheered on. But there are many other subjects which could be substituted for m/m slash, and essentially the same argument could have resulted. RPF. Noncon. ABO. Mpreg. Slavefic. BDSM. Assorted ships deemed abusive, assorted characters deemed problematic. All of these have been controversial in fandom at one point or another. They've all gone through cycles of approval and disapproval on various platforms (approval in the sense of "It is not morally wrong to write about these subjects, and you do not have to justify yourself to anyone for doing so" rather than "Everybody loves this!")

In a disapproval cycle, the argument goes that X is innately harmful, and people, especially certain vulnerable classes of people, need to be protected from X. Ideally, in the minds of anti-X fans, this would be accomplished by convincing or forcing everyone to stop writing about X altogether. But alternatively, it can be accomplished by placing barriers between X and those that X putatively harms. Some antis, at this point, will grudgingly accept warnings and tags and spoiler cuts as a sufficient barrier. But some feel that these things are not enough. Warnings, tags, and spoiler cuts are a reminder that somewhere, X exists, and someone is reading and enjoying it. What the Extreme Antis want is for all mention of X to be eliminated, so they never have to think about it at all.

In other words, they assert that the burden of curating their internet experience falls on other people. And if those other people fail to curate to their standards, the Extreme Antis accuse those other people of purposely setting out to harm them. This conflict takes different forms on different platforms (the warnings debate on LJ is different from the warnings debate on AO3 or Tumblr) but the essentials are the same: it's about whose responsibility it is to ensure that people see only what they want to see.

This is an especially difficult question on a platform like Tumblr. On LJ or Dreamwidth, I can lock my posts, so no one but the people I've friended or granted access to can see them. Even my unlocked posts stay in my own journal; to read them, you have to specifically add me to your reading list, or come to my journal. On Tumblr, however, posts can quickly spiral away into reblog hell. You can do a little curating, by way of tags or blocking, but tags change or get dropped almost immediately, and people you've blocked, or who've blocked you, can still see reblogs. Once it's out there, anyone can potentially see it. And anyone can potentially respond.

(This is not even getting into the question of whether X is truly harmful to broad classes of people or not.)

One of the things I've always loved about the internet is that it breaks down a lot of the barriers that exist in meatspace – barriers of distance, nationality, class, race, age, gender, you name it. On the internet, it's what you say and how well you say it that's important, not what you look like. I have known people in their sixties to act like petulant children, and sixteen-year olds to be witty and mature. And the reverse. One of the downsides of Tumblr, I think, is that we only see scraps and pieces of each other. I have no idea what most of the people I follow are like as human beings, because all we see of each other is gifsets and reblogs of things other people said. And so it gets very easy to reduce people to their shipping preferences, and make judgements about them by that alone.

It's late, and I have to get to sleep, and I have no idea where I'm going with this. Good night, Gracie.

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princeescaluswords · 7 years

Text

That Damn Speech

Someone released another gifset with more praise of that speech in that scene. It’s like my own private torment.

I am labeling this ‘anti stiles’ even though it isn’t actually against the character. The scene in Lies of Omission was totally in-character for Stiles. He’s always been emotionally and physically aggressive when confronted with terrible situations. He’s always neglecting his emotional health in the hope that it will go away. He’s always held Scott to an unrealistic standard of behavior because of his own deep-set insecurities.

What drives me crazy about this scene isn’t that it happened, but rather the fandom response to it. All the wailing and gnashing of teeth about ‘how dare Scott not ignore his own fragile emotional state and bow down to our poor little innocent woobified baby.’

As anyone who delved deeply into my blog should know, the flashpoint for my rage is always “Some of us are human.” Again, not the speech itself, but fandom’s reaction to it. As if it was something good. As if it was something to praise: Stiles’ cruel and callous attempt to dump his own guilt at Scott’s feet and make it the alpha’s fault.

I wish the Stiles fandom would just take a moment to look at this from Scott’s standpoint. Forget that it is their woobie-baby-fandom-bicycle talking and listen to it from the point of view of a person who’s lost his girlfriend Kira, failed to rescue his beta Liam and his girlfriend Hayden, and essentially given into his darker desires by probing Cory’s mind against his will. Just try.

Stiles: Yeah, because you're Scott McCall! You're the True Alpha!

Scott’s POV: Stiles is telling him he’s an arrogant sod that’s gotten everything handed to him.

Stiles: Guess what? All of us can't be True Alphas. Some of us have to make mistakes!

Scott’s POV: Stiles is telling him that it doesn’t matter that he’s let over a half-dozen teenagers be taken, mutilated, and murdered, that the girl he loves is in terrible danger and gone somewhere so he can’t help her, that he invaded Corey’s mind, and that he’s lost Liam’s trust. Stiles is saying that being your friend is a burden that he doesn’t want any more.

Stiles: Some of us have to get out hands a little bloody sometimes.

Scott’s POV: Stiles is saying that it doesn’t matter that he has to resist the urge to kill every full moon, that he had to fight off Peter’s attempt to make him a killer, Deucalion’s attempt to make him a killer, and Kate’s attempt to make him a killer in which he nearly butchered Kira. Stiles is saying that he has no idea what it feels like to take another person’s life or even want to.

Stiles: Some of us are human!

Scott’s POV: Stiles is saying he’s a monster and a freak and where do you get off judging me?

And if that is not enough, Stiles turns around and has the nerve to beg Scott to believe him. Stiles knows he just got finished telling him he’s inhuman, self-righteous, and he wishes he wasn’t his friend, that he’s been deceiving him for weeks, but that doesn’t matter, because right now, the only thing that is important to Stiles Stilinski is that Scott exists to validate his existence.

Again, given the Nogitsune trauma, given what happened with Donovan, given his own insecurities, this is totally within character. It’s not even an unreasonable response to the stress he is under.

What is unreasonable is to ignore the stress that Scott is under for that scene, for the fandom to actively share in Stiles’ conception of Scott as a flawless superhero (and then turn around and condemn him for being a boring and unrealistic character), and make this entire scene with all the cruel, vicious words Stiles spews completely and utterly about Scott not believing Stiles.

Yeah, yeah, it drives me mad. But I suspect that someone on the Teen Wolf writing staff noticed that it was a bitch, because they seem to be falling over each other trying to make us think that Stiles is a good friend.

#teen wolf #teen wolf fandom problems #lies of omission #anti stiles #anti stiles stans #scott mccall defense squad #scott mccall #stiles stilinski

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