#i’ve completed basics 1 and 2 and i’m almost through with phrases 1. god help me

[fitzykreiner]

learning danish bc i’ve got fuck all else to do

#me @ myself scrolling through all the lessons on duolingo: honey you’ve got a big storm coming #i’ve completed basics 1 and 2 and i’m almost through with phrases 1. god help me #i still can’t pronounce brød or brødet but you know. whatevs #sarah txt

[gammija]

The final Web!Martin evidence list

Now that canon is done, and we’ve got word of god confirmation that Web!Martin wasn’t complete nonsense, I decided to go back to my lil chronological evidence list and actually clean it up a bit, delete parts that in hindsight weren't all that indicative, and put everything in a slightly more readable format. (Obligatory disclaimer that i don’t and never did believe or advocate for some kind of evil web!martin, and that I'm not intending to connect a moral judgement to martin (or anyone else for that matter) having some of these traits)

So here: The (hopefully, please) final list with Web!Martin Evidence! Presented in order of importance, according to. me

The final (hopefully) Web!Martin evidence list

(In order from most to least obvious)

Spiders

I mean, it’s called the Web. TMA reiterates quite a few times that Martin liked spiders. Sometimes it IS that easy.

MAG022: Martin: "I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute -"

MAG038: | Sasha: "A spider?" Jon: "Yeah. I tried to kill it…" [...] Sasha: [Chuckles] "Well, I won’t tell Martin." Jon: "Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem."

MAG059: Jon: "I have done my best to prevent Martin reading this statement in too much detail. I have no interest in having another argument about spiders."

MAG079: Jon: "Apparently, biologically, his account of the spiders doesn’t make any sense according to Martin."

MAG197: Martin: “What? Because I like spiders? Well, used to.”

Lies and subterfuge

Martin is able to use lying and subterfuge to achieve his goals, and is called manipulative a few times.

Lies:

MAG022: Martin: "[He] became slightly more co-operative after I lied to him and told him that one of the upstairs residents had buzzed me in."

MAG056: Martin: "I lied on my CV."

MAG158: Peter: “But you said –” Martin: “Honestly, I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear.”

MAG164: Jon: "You – I actually believed you!"

MAG189: Martin: “Sorry. Sorry, John. Not sure how much everything up there actually understood what was going on. But, y’know, I didn’t want to take any chances so it made sense to… um…” Jon: “Put on a show?” Martin: “Yeah, basically, more or less.”

MAG191: Martin: "That's not true." Arun: "Liar!"

Subterfuge:

The plan in 118, which revolved around convincing Elias that Martin was only “acting out”, to create a distraction for Melanie. (Also compare the way he evades giving a straight answer here with the way Annabelle talks in 196.)

Working with Peter in s4 under false pretenses, to distract him from Jon and eventually try to learn what Peter wanted.

Manipulation accusations:

These, I know, are somewhat contentious, since it’s mostly villains saying this to him. I’m still including them, since

1): From a media analysis standpoint, being mentioned 3 times is a sign to pay attention, even when it may not be the full truth.

2): I only see it as describing Martin’s behaviour in the previous points, not as a moral judgement; Especially since he almost always ‘manipulates’ people in positions of power over him.

Still, if it bothers anyone, feel free to ignore these.

MAG138: Martin: "That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" Elias: "That makes two of us."

MAG186: Martin: “I can be a real manipulative prick, you know that?” Also Martin: “Oh yeah.”

MAG196: Annabelle: “Because you always managed to get what you wanted through smiles and shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.” [SMALL SOUND OF MARTIN’S CONCESSION TO THE POINT] Martin: “Point taken.”

The Lonely/the Web

The Lonely and the Web sometimes affect Martin to similar degrees.

In season 3, when Martin is getting used to reading statements for the first time, most of them leave him emotionally affected: MAG084, MAG088, MAG090,

MAG095: Martin: “S-S-Statement… done.” [HEAVY BREATHING & TREMBLING AS MARTIN STEADIES HIMSELF] “I don’t like recording these. There. I-I said it.”,

MAG098: Martin: [Panting] “End of statement.” [Deep breath] “I, um, I think I might need to sit down. Oh. Yeah, I am. Right. I don’t, uh, I’m not really sure if these are actually getting easier or harder. I mean I don’t feel –”

Only the last two statements he reads are remarkably easier. This might be a hint that Martin is just getting used to reading them, but the quote from MAG098 seems to contradict that. Either way, it’s likely not a coincidence that those last two happen to be the Lonely and the Web:

MAG108: Martin: “Statement ends.” (exhale) “That wasn’t so bad…”

MAG110: Martin: “Statement ends.” [...] “I mean, I think it sounds like a Jurgen Leitner book. About spiders. Hm. Good John didn’t have to read this one, anyway. I know he’s not a fan. Although, this one wasn’t too bad, actually! I – yeah. Anyway.”

In season 5, there are two powers’ Domains that actually affected Martin mentally, as opposed to only physically: the Lonely’s, in 170 (and arguably 186), and, depending on your interpretation, in 172, when Martin went exploring without knowing why he did so.

Proximity

Martin investigates a lot of the Web statements during season 1 to 3 (in other words, when the archive team still researches statements). The only ones he isn’t mentioned in during this period are MAG019 and MAG020, when he’s being harrassed by worms, and MAG081, which Jon records by himself outside of the institute.

Most notably, he’s the one who discovered the statement in MAG114, ‘Cracked Foundations’, which is the one statement in the entire show that sets up the interdimensional properties of HTR.

The Web!Lighter passed through Martin's hands first, before he gave it to Jon.

Similarly, Annabelle mostly spoke to Martin in season 5, despite most other Avatars usually focusing on Jon.

Aesthetics

Apart from the above obviously Web related areas, there are some other aesthetics which are mentioned in connection to both the Web and Martin, throughout canon.

These are describing the Web;

These are describing Martin.

Tapes:

Martin is the only character to treat the tape recorders as friends - any other character is either indifferent, or treats them as enemies.

MAG039: Martin: "I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm."

MAG154 Martin: “Oh. Hi. Hello again.” … (small laugh) “Sorry pal, false alarm this time.”

MAG156 Martin: “Mm? Oh.” [HE LAUGHS, GENTLY.] “Yeah. (rustling paper) I was going to read one. Hate for you to miss it!” [SHORT, FORCED LAUGH, AS HE FLAPS THE STATEMENT AROUND.]

MAG170 Martin: “Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this? Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening? That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

MAG190 Jon: "[The tapes] seem to like [Martin]."

Retro:

MAG069: Statement: “I only saw Annabelle Cane once during this period. She wasn’t hard to pick out. She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, and her short bleach-blonde hair stood out sharply against dark skin.”

MAG160: Jon: “Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.” Martin: “It – might. Maybe.”

MAG163: Annabelle/the Web callying Martin via an old payphone: [ A PHONE RINGS. IT’S NOT THE TINNY, ELECTRONIC SOUND OF A CELLPHONE – NO, THIS IS A TRUE, HEAVY, CLASSIC RING.] Martin: “Uh. John? Uh, J, John – the, uh, payphone that’s – here, for some reason – it’s ringing?”

Hatred of burns:

MAG067: Jack Barnabas’ statement: “I looked up and noticed within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider’s web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke.” “Another held a bag that seemed to be full of candles, while a third had a clear plastic container filled with hundreds of tiny spiders.”

MAG139: Statement by member of Cult of the Lightless Flame: “The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.” Agnes burned down Hilltop Road.

MAG145: The Web ties Gertrude to Agnes, stopping the Desolation’s ritual (the only Power whose ritual the Web is known to have prevented).

MAG167: Gertrude enlists Agnes’/the Desolation’s help in order to burn her assistant Emma, who was Web aligned.

MAG169: Martin: "Look, I just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever. [...] I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!"

Phrasing:

MAG039: Martin: "I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. [...] It's just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think."

MAG079: Martin's poem: "The threads of people walking, living, lovi–"

MAG117: Martin: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope John doesn’t actually listen to these. “Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?” No, John, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies."

MAG167: Jon: “Methinks the Spider dost protest too much.” Martin: “Jon –” Jon: “Joking! Just joking.”

Personality:

How applicable these are depends heavily on how you interpret Martin's own personality, so your mileage may vary.

MAG008: Statement: “Nobody ever said a word against Raymond himself, though, who was by all accounts a kind and gentle soul [...]”

MAG123: Jon: "The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves."

MAG147: Annabelles statement: "I discovered a deep and enduring talent inside myself for lying. [...] My manipulations were not intricate, but they were far beyond what was expected of a child my age, and I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans."

Word of God and Annabelle

I kinda wanted to ‘prove’ that Web!Martin had quite a bit of evidence to back it up, hence this header being last. But of course, in this post-canon world, there are a few lines that most obviously confirm the theory:

MAG197: Martin is Web enough to be able to read the 'vibrations', like Annabelle, and see Jon and Basira (the latter being especially notable, as he hadn't known she was there beforehand): [CHITTERING, BUZZING AND HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS CHANGE CADENCE] Martin: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" Annabelle: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." Martin: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Annabelle: "Yes."

Season 5 Q&A part 2: Jonny: “Essentially, it was fascinating looking at the fandom and, like, the Web!Martin believers, because what they were doing was correctly picking up on hints dropped in the early seasons that were later, like, not exactly abandoned, but it was much more like, ‘Well, no, he does have like aspects of The Web to him, but he is moreover The Lonely.’ And that came about very… very organically, really. Because throughout Season 3 and going into Season 4, we had this conversation and we were like, ‘No, actually he's like-” Alex: “‘It can't be, it cannot be, it must be the other way round’ Yeah.”

(Note that they say “throughout season 3 and going into season 4,” which likely means that season 1, season 2, and at least part of season 3, aka half of the entire show, were written with Web!Martin as an intentional possibility.)

If you read all that, thanks so much! Obviously, Web!Martin never really came to fruition, so it's fine if you still don't like it. This is just a post explaining where it was coming from, at least for me and the other theorists I've spoken to.

#the magnus archives #magnus archives #tma #tma s5 #web!martin #web martin #webmartin #or as jonny called it: #spider!martin #tma theory #tma meta #martin blackwood #martin k blackwood #martin #tma martin #magnuspod #i feel like i say this every time too but #when i say martin lies a lot i dont mean that #in comparison to 'normal people' #i mean that in canon he gets specifically mentioned to lie; at a higher rate than the other protagonists #ditto for everything else. im not speaking about real life people who might have these traits. im doing a media analysis #my own real life bedroom curtains being blue dont mean im depressed but in media sometimes aesthetic themes can be deeper signifiers #and tma especially has some very strong aesthetic themes #ok i think im done talking now. webmartin theories always get me rambling #EDIT: oops i changed a part on mobile and now the formatting is a bit fucked #ill fix it back tomorrow #if anyone cares #EDIT EDIT: ok fixed it

[firelxdykatara]

Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

#atla #katara #aang salt #kataang salt #anti kataang #atla meta #katara deserved better #salt for ts #ask meme #invincibleweasel #asked

[tinyboxxtink]

Build Me Up Buttercup *Part 8*

This one goes out to @wanniiieeee 

If you need to catch up:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 9

Note: In the universe of this story, we're saying Barba is 40, the rest of the squad is like 35-38

ALSO-- WOWWWWWWW I have just realized the whole "super young detective super genius" persona was from the one shot I wrote right before this. Wow. I am so sorry guys. I hope that didn't totally take away from it, we'll just say it was always a thing. Cool? Cool. 😅

“2 vodka shots, top shelf,”

You instructed the bartender as you sat down in the very edged corner of the bar, making sure a seat was empty next to you. Like a moth to the flame Rafael slipped into it before you finished your sentence.

“Ah, I don’t really care for vodka,” he smirked.

“Who said those were for you? I’m obviously not driving anywhere tonight,” you rolled your eyes.

“Right….I’ll have 2 Jose Cuervo shots, thanks,” he nodded at the bartender, noticing you were giving him a  “look”.

“What? I’m not gonna let you get drunk alone,”

“2 shots is hardly going to get me drunk counselor, I can’t say the same for you,” you eyed him up and down.

“Pfft, please…” Rafael laughed.

The bartender returned with your four shots. You downed your two like they were water, then glanced at Barba. He took one of his shots and turned bright red, coughing wildly. You couldn’t help but smirk.

“You were saying?” You asked, trying your damnedest not to burst out laughing.

“It’s fine, it just...went down the wrong pipe,” he croaked.

“Mmmhmm well take the other one then,” You smirked.

He hesitated, but wouldn’t dare let himself be shown up like this, especially in front of you. He took the second shot glass and downed it; this time he only made a horrible face, but kept the liquid down nice and easy.

“You were saying?” He choked out with a fake smile, and you couldn’t help but smile. Dammit, NO. Stick to the plan.

“Can we please not do this,” You sighed, putting back on your chilly demeanor.

“Do what?”

“The whole witty flirty banter thing, I’m really not in the mood. Especially after you just rejected me,”  You gestured between the two of you.

“I didn’t REJECT--”

“We’re working, Y/N. Your insane crush is super flattering, Y/N. Neither of those sound good for me,” you scoffed.

“You have an ‘insane crush’ on me?” Rafael’s eyes perked up with a smile.

“Wha--no I was mocking you, moron,” You hit him casually.

“But I didn’t know you had an insane crush on me until this moment, so that couldn’t have been me,” he teased.

“Ok this is what I’m talking about,” you tried to stay angry, but the vodka was kicking in and all you could do was stare at his lips.

“I’m not rejecting you,” he simply stated, causing your eyebrows to arch.

“Sounds like tequila talking,” you scoffed.

“I was never trying to reject you, I just--” he tried explaining but you cut him off.

“Don’t wanna lead me on?”

“Excuse me?” he nearly choked again.

“I’m not stupid, counselor. Or deaf,” you narrowed your eyes at him; he looked at you with puppy dog confusion.

“I heard you and Liv’s conversation,” his eyes went wide with fear.

“....How much?”

“Enough to know she’s not ok with it, and you’re gonna listen because you guys are like, soulmates or something,” you gestured sarcastically.

“What?”

“Oh please, I’ve seen you around each other for over a year now. You’re so in sync, it’s like you're one person,” you couldn’t believe you had to explain this to him.

“We’re not together,” he blurted out rather quickly, causing you to give him a “really?” stare.

“...But she doesn’t want you with anyone else,”  you raised an eyebrow.

“She doesn’t want me with you,” he murmured, looking at the empty shot glass.

“See?! Told you!” You slapped the bar triumphantly.

“No! Ugh….look, I don’t care what Liv wants, or thinks,” Rafael gently pounded the bar with a fist.

“Prove it,” you smirked.

“Excuse me?”

“Prove it. Kiss me,” you dared him.

“That’s not-- I’m not gonna--” he half laughed nervously.

“Hey you said you didn’t care what Liv thinks, and I can promise you you’re not leading me on. And I know you’ve wanted to since you walked back in here,”

“What? No, I didn’t-- pfft you...that’s not why I--” He tried coming up with an answer, but the tequila was hitting him hard.

“Then prove it….counselor,” you moved yourself up on the barstool closer to him, your faces now inches apart.

Rafael’s brain was frozen, all the blood in his body had already travelled south. He stared at your lips, willing himself to be strong but losing. Finally after a few seconds, you couldn’t wait anymore; you grabbed his collar and pulled him into you, HARD. He nearly fell off his own stool, he grabbed your shoulders to balance, pulling you further into him. Both of your minds went completely blank in that moment. All the bull shit of this wretched day had been erased, and all that mattered was this moment, your mouths exploring each other like Lewis and Clark. It was so intense and powerful it caused a few hoots and hollers from nearby patrons. Rafael felt your huge smile against his lips, and he couldn’t help but return the gesture. His hands ran through your hair, hungrily biting your lip. It took you all you had not to moan right there. You both tasted the burning of the two liquors mixing, almost making it that much more intoxicating. You lost all sense of time until--

“AHEM,”

You both snapped apart, and looked to see the squad, Olivia at the head, standing there in shock. Well, three of them looked shocked, Olivia looked PISSED.

“...I found a body shop near here that will send someone to fix your tire first thing in the morning, 6 am SHARP. So we’re going to check in that motel next door. ALL of us,” She practically growled at the two of you.

“...Yeah, yeah sure Liv whatever you want,” Barba tried to casually play off the fact that his face was covered in your lipstick. You muttered some awkward agreement phrases, throwing down a $20.

“Keep the change,” You whispered, lagging just behind the group. Rafael fell behind as you kept walking.

“Ooooh, you two are in troubleeee!!!” Amanda giggled, causing you both to glare at her.

“Shut up!” You hissed. Rafael tugged on your shoulder signaling you to chill.

“I’ll pay you back,” he whispered.

“What?” You said in a normal tone.

“For the shots,” he motioned back towards the bar.

“Oh, yeah that’s what I’m worried about right now,”

The six of you walked in silence after that, through the parking lot and into the “lobby” of the motel. It was basically a room consisting of: a vending machine, a couch, a black and white TV, and a desk where a girl who looked no older than 16 stood behind, playing on her phone.

“Excuse me,” Olivia knocked on the desk, getting the girls attention. She looked at the group and sighed, rolling her eyes and reluctantly putting her phone away.

“3 rooms?” She asked, gesturing to the three couplets you all happened to be standing in. Amanda and Carisi, Fin and Olivia, obviously you and Barba.

“Wha--NO,” Olivia almost yelled. “We’ll take six rooms,��

“Ah but--” Sonny protested, gesturing to Amanda, who quickly elbowed him in the gut.

“For how many hours?” She began typing into a computer that looked like it was from the 80’s.

“....Overnight? 6 am,” She shook her head at the seediness of this hotel becoming more and more apparent.

“$1920,” The girl replied, looking back down at her phone.

“EXCUSE ME?”

“The rooms are $40 an hour ma’am, times 8 hours. That’s 320. Times 6. That’s--”

“$1920,” Olivia bit her lip, trying her best not to explode.

“...I’ll uh, I’ll get it, Liv,” Barba spoke up as he walked up to counter, handing the girl his credit card. They traded looks that looked like an entire argument between eyebrows.

“Six keys, they’re the six rooms right next door. Get out by six am sharp or we’ll keep charging your card until you do.” The girl threw keys at the group nonchalantly, not looking back up from her phone.

“Great hospitality there, princess,” Sonny shot her a sarcastic smile, not like she noticed.

The group returned outside to the parking lot, Olivia handed out keys.

“Alright, meet back here in six hours. SIX HOURS, NO LATER,” She warned, looking each member in the eye; she lingered on you and then stopped on Barba.

“Can I speak with you?”

“Dun dun dun,” Carisi chuckled, Amanda couldn’t help but giggle. Fin rolled his eyes and peaced out, he wasn’t about the drama.

“ALONE,” She enunciated, motioning the three of you to run along. You all complied….to a spot around the corner, out of her sight.

“What did I JUST say, Rafael?!” Olivia began pacing.

“You said not to lead her on, I’m not leading her on,” Rafael stated calmly.

“I also said that she clearly has some kind of crush on you, and was trying to seduce you!” Olivia gestured towards where you had walked off towards.

“Oh Liv come on--” he started but Liv was not having it.

“I saw her kiss you! SHE kissed YOU!” she started to raise her voice.

“I would’ve kissed her if she hadn’t!” He bit back defensively

“God, don’t tell me that Rafa. I really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt here,” Olivia sighed deeply, her hands wrapping around the back of her head.

“What are you talking about?” Rafael’s eyes questioned her.

“SHE 'S 28, RAFAEL. You’re 12 years older than her! You really think that banging her is a great idea?” Oliva wagged a finger at him.

“HEY. Olivia, it’s not like that,” Rafael’s voice raised higher, she was not going to cheapen what you and him had today.

“Oh please-- you’ve been around her for a YEAR, Rafael. You two have barely spoken two words to each other for a YEAR. And...and what, we come out to the country and you lose your minds?” Olivia scoffed.

“No, it’s not like--” He tried speaking again but Olivia was on a tirade. 

“You have one conversation in a bathroom and suddenly you’re soulmates? Really, Rafa?” She scoffed again.

“Look, Liv. I love you, but I’m not gonna stand here and take this, ok? You’re right. I am a grown man, and you can’t tell me who I can and can’t ba--date!” Rafael kicked himself for getting caught up in her judgmental terms; this isn't some booty call. You weren’t just a piece of ass to him.

“No, but I can tell her,” Oliva said eerily soft.

“Excuse me?” Rafael felt threatened, and he didn’t like it.

“If you start sleeping with that girl Rafa I swear to God, she will be on desk duty until she retires,” She warned.

“Oh real mature Liv,” Barba rolled his eyes angrily.

“Oh yeah I’M the immature one here,”

“You’re such a hypocrite, this is SUCH a double standard” Rafael raised his voice again.

“What do you mean?” Oliva narrowed her eyes.

“What do I mean--” He sarcastically laughed. “I mean clearly Rollins and Carisi have been sleeping together for MONTHS now,” He gestured towards where Sonny and Amanda had walked towards.

Sonny acted offended for half a second, then shrugged. He wasn’t wrong.

“And you, how many people have you dated ‘within the family’? In fact, when’s the last time you dated someone NOT ‘in the family’?” He asked in a soft, serious tone, his fists clenching in and out.

“....THAT, is different,” She lowered her voice, trying not to lose it in the parking lot. She took a deep breath and continued

“Rollins and Carisi have known each other for YEARS, and they’re ADULTS,” She emphasized. 

“We’re adults!” Barba argued.

“Are you? Because right now the two of you are acting like teenagers, sneaking around and hooking up when you’re supposed to be working.” Olivia snapped back.

Then, all of a sudden her eyes lit up with an idea. An evilly brilliant idea.

“Alright, how about this,” She paused.

“You say this isn’t just about sex, and I say it is. So...” she circled him like he was a suspect she was shaking down.

“Why don’t you go ahead and go ‘bang it out’ with the junior detective,”

Rafael’s jaw dropped. “You cannot be serious--”

“Why? Because you know I’m right?” Olivia baited him, but quickly lost any fun she was having with it when she saw the anguish in Rafael’s eyes.

 “I know you’re a good person, Rafa. You don’t wanna hurt that girl any more than I want you to,” 

“I’m not going to---”

“Alright fine, then chance it. Go to her right now. But you better be ready to accept the consequences for her. Because I’m pretty damn sure when we get back to the city, you’re gonna realize that you and her don’t make sense,”

“And if I don’t?” he asked.

“Then I’ll give you my blessing. I won’t like it, but if it’s really what you want, I can’t stand in the way of my friend being happy,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, a small smile finally appearing. 

“Thank you Liv,” Rafa smiled back, giving her a small hug.

“I wouldn’t thank me yet-- in fact if this costs me a detective I’m using your pay grade to find another one!” She walked off with a small laugh.

"Maybe we should...." Amanda tugged Sonny's sleeve and they walked away, shooting you apologetic looks.

This was infuriating; they were standing there joking about your life, making decisions for you.

You stomped away towards your room before Liv and Barba could see you eavesdropping.

Would he chance it? Would you let him chance it? 

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #build me up buttercup

[five-rivers]

Interview with a Ghost (part 4: Strange)

Sort of a tenuous connection to the prompt.  Oh, well.  

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3)

.

.

.

They had asked the Fenton parents for an interview with Daniel Fenton to ask him about things he might have seen at school. They had agreed, heartily, but had insisted on staying because 'the kids are a little biased towards Phantom, teens, you know,' and they wanted to keep the record straight.

The other two children had, with extreme reluctance, gone home. His sister, however, had refused to leave, saying that she knew just as much about things at the school as Danny, and they might as well question her at the same time. Collins couldn't really argue with that, and he had elbowed Paterson when she tried.

Daniel looked very small and meek against the large armchair he was perched on. Nothing at all like Phantom, who projected personality and confidence even when nervous.

Collins could see how he had gotten away with... whatever he had gotten away with... for so long. He still wasn't entirely convinced that Fenton was Phantom. It seemed pretty incredible, and there wasn't any physical evidence. Especially with the body gone.

Paterson took out a pad of paper and a recorder. "Do you mind if I record this?" she asked. "For record keeping purposes."

"Not at all!" said Jack, grinning. "We're glad to be of help!"

Daniel looked at the recorder as if he thought he'd be ill. He looked pale. Almost green. Was that because he was a ghost, or was he really just that nervous?

"Alright," said Collins. "Do you see Phantom around Casper High?"

"Not really," said Daniel.

"Everyone does," said Jasmine.

The siblings glanced at each other.

"I try to stay away from the ghost fights," said Daniel, shrugging.

"Yes. Your classmates seem to think that you have some kind of sixth sense, as you always leave class right before an attack."

Daniel's eyebrows pinched together in genuine confusion. "They think what?" He shook his head. "I just leave when I need to go," he said.

Paterson looked up from her notepad. "Go as in...?"

"You know, go," said Daniel, a blush dusting his features with pink.

"I see," said Paterson. Daniel blushed harder.

"Have you ever spoken to Phantom?" asked Collins.

"Yes," said Jasmine, crisply, to murmurs of disapproval from her parents. "He saved me from from Spectra. The ghost who masqueraded as a psychologist."

"I remember that," said Paterson. "Old Elroy had that case." It was from before the existence of ghosts had been widely accepted, even in Amity Park. "You were one of her victims?"

"I'm the one she tried to blow up."

"Ah," said Collins. "And what did you talk about?"

"With Spectra?"

"With Phantom."

"Nothing much," said Jasmine. "Not that I remember, anyway. It was over a year ago."

"Try to remember," said Collins.

Jasmine shrugged. "I think it was basically just agreeing that Spectra was terrible."

"Have you had any other interactions with Phantom?"

"None worth mentioning," said Jasmine.

What a strange way to phrase that. Collins decided not to call her on it, yet. Even with Paterson pointedly poking his ankle with her toe.

"Daniel, what about you?"

"It's Danny," the boy corrected. "I've never really talked to him. Unless you want to count things like 'look out!'"

"Nothing about his origins, then?"

"No?" said Danny.

"Have you heard anything about his origins from anywhere else?"

"We already told you about that," interrupted Maddie, frowning. "His origins are unknown, but he's existed for hundreds of years, at a minimum."

"Yes, but we'd like to hear from Danny and Jasmine," said Collins, giving Maddie his best professional smile. He turned back to Danny, expectantly.

"Someone once told me they thought he was a plague doctor, but, like, updated. I don't remember who, though."

"Right," said Collins. "Now, we'd like you to think back to about two years ago. Call it late summer, early fall. Did anything strange happen around that time?"

"Yeah," said Danny. "The Lunch Lady attacked the school for the first time. I don't remember the exact date, but it was right before the meat-vegetable protests."

"It was that early?" asked Collins, surprised. "That's months before the first recorded attack! Are you sure there was a ghost?"

"Pretty sure, yeah," said Danny, crossing his arms.

"Hey! That's about when we saw Phantom for the first time!" exclaimed Jack.

"Is it?" asked Collins.

"Yeah! He stole our prototype Fenton thermos! I still don't understand how he got it working." The last was a grumble.

"Interesting. And did anything strange happen other than that? Anything out of the norm?"

"Well," said Maddie, thoughtful, "we got our portal working about a month before that. Danny did, anyway."

"Did he? How?"

"Knocked a loose wire back into place!" boomed Jack, laughing. "That's my boy."

Danny's face was whey-colored again. Interesting.

Oh, hell. The portal definitely had something to do with all of this, didn't it.

"How does your portal work, exactly, anyway?"

"Excellent question!"

Fifteen minutes later, Collins had no better idea of how their portal worked except that it involved a great deal of ectoplasm and electricity, both of which they had found on the corpse. He couldn't help but think that he had finally discovered how Phantom had died.

And hearing Jack and Maddie, the boy's parents talk about the portal with such obvious pride while Danny squirmed in the armchair, looking for an escape...

"Thank you," said Collins, quickly, while Jack drew a breath. "I think that's all we need for today."

"But-" started Paterson.

"It's really all we need," repeated Collins. He saw Danny relax, marginally. "Just one more thing. Do you know anything about the break in at the city morgue last night?"

Various expressions flicked over the Fentons' faces. Jack's and Maddie's were blank. Danny's was was angry. Jasmine's was, surprisingly, guilty.

Did she steal the body? Collins would have never guessed it. The image she presented was too neat and mannered.

"Was it a ghost?" asked Maddie. "I'm afraid we can't do anything about it, otherwise."

"Right," said Collins. "We'll contact you if that evolves to be the case. And-"

"Oh, I can't take it anymore!" exclaimed Paterson. She pointed at Danny. "Are you Phantom?"

Danny jumped about a foot. "Wh-What? Nooooooooo. No, I'm not Phantom. I'm alive, aren't I?"

Damn. If that wasn't all but a confession.

The other Fentons started to laugh. The adults heartily. Jasmine uneasily.

"You've been listening to what's-his-name, haven't you? The West boy?"

"Weston," corrected Maddie. "No matter how many times we explained things to him..." She sighed. "I think there's something wrong with him, to be honest. But just to assuage your doubts..." She stood up and walked over to Danny. "Danny, do you mind."

"Nope," said Danny, standing up and holding out his wrist.

Maddie beckoned the detectives forward. "Here," she said, "feel this." She tapped her fingers on Danny's wrist.

"Go ahead," said Danny, staring up at him with a mix of apprehension and determination.

Collins put his fingers on Danny's wrist, on his pulse point. Danny's skin was smooth and cool, but not at all corpselike, or what Collins imagined a ghost would feel like.

"I have a pulse," said Danny. "Ghosts don't." Sure enough, Collins' fingers detected a slow but steady thump thump thump.

Maddie nodded. "Their closest equivalent is more of a constant rush. I could explain the science... but you were just leaving."

"Yes. Sorry about that. My partner can be a bit susceptible to conspiracy theories. I had to talk her out of hiring a psychic, once."

"Thank goodness you did," said Maddie, smiling. "Almost all psychics are fake."

.

"They don't believe it," said Danny, watching the detectives pull away from the curb below from the window of his room.

"Mom and dad? Of course not," said Jazz. "They won't believe you're Phantom unless you show them outright."

"No, the detectives. They don't believe I'm human. They still think I'm Phantom."

"Danny," said Jazz, cautiously. "Don't do anything rash."

"It isn't like I can make this any worse," said Danny. "I'm going to talk to them."

.

"What was that?" complained Paterson. "I never tried to hire a psychic!"

"Yeah, but you did agree that we wouldn't out Phantom in front of his parents. He said he doesn't want his family to know about him, and I don't want an angry ghost trying to throttle me! He can bench press a bus! I don't want his hands anywhere near my throat." He inhaled deeply and sighed. "At least we know what did him in."

"Do you?" asked a very cold voice.

It was a testament to Collins' steely nerves and rigorous police training that he didn't immediately crash the car upon finding a ghost in the back seat. Paterson nearly threw herself out of the car.

"Hi, Phantom," he said, instead, looking at the young ghost in the rear view mirror. "I don't suppose you know what happened to your body."

The ghost scowled. "It wasn't me. I told you to stop messing with stuff."

"Who, then? Your sister?"

Phantom's scowl deepened to something like rage. "Leave her out of this."

"Oh, god, you really are Fenton," said Paterson.

In her defense, Collins hadn't completely believed it, either.

Varied emotions passed over the ghost's face. "Come on, you don't believe Wes, do you?"

"There's other evidence," said Collins, voice wavering just a little. "I don't know how you're keeping up a pulse, or the rest of your human disguise, but you died in that portal, didn't you?"

Phantom was silent for a moment, then he reached through Paterson's chair and neatly plucked her recorder from her jacket, along with her phone. He tossed the phone into the seat next to him and crushed the recorder. Then he started riffling through Collins' pockets.

"Is that really necessary?" asked Collins. He guided the car to the side of the road and put it into park.

"You made it necessary," said Phantom. He pulled out Collins' phone as well and gave it a once over. "Look," he said. "I'm sort of," he paused, "upset that you guys dug up my body and then freaking lost it."

"Lost it-"

"Fine. Got it stolen from you by one of my enemies. One of my most dangerous enemies. Okay? Happy? Are you starting to understand why I wanted this left alone?"

"Are you trying to say that this isn't about your family not knowing you're dead?" asked Collins.

"Of course it's about that!" exclaimed Phantom. "It's just about half a dozen other things at the same time! You knowing about me could get me killed. Knowing about me could get you killed. The only reason Wes isn't dead is because he's completely ridiculous and no one believes him! You're credible!"

"By that enemy you mentioned?" asked Paterson, having regained some composure.

"Yeah," said Phantom. "He's got an interest in it not getting out."

"Why?" asked Paterson.

"Reasons," said Phantom, stubbornly.

"Does he have the same thing going on as you?"

Phantom crossed his arms and shrugged.

"One second," said Collins, "what do you mean, kill you? You're already dead."

"It's a figure of speech," mumbled Phantom. "Either way, the GIW would be more than happy to cut me open. Do you have any idea what they do to ghosts?"

"You- you're not actually dead, are you?" asked Collins. "Holy-"

"Yes, I am," said Phantom, quickly.

"How did you manage the pulse trick, then?"

"Lots of ghosts can do that. My parents don't know everything."

"You're a terrible liar. How the hell does that work? This- Ghost powers while alive?"

"I am dead," repeated Phantom. "How do you explain the body?"

"Half of it was missing," said Paterson.

Silence.

"I'm begging you to let this go," said Phantom. "People are going to get hurt. I'm going to get hurt."

"You don't think we'd let the GIW have you?" asked Paterson.

"I don't think it's a matter of 'let.' I-" he sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Ugh, I can't believe I made this even worse. What are you going to do?"

"We-" said Collins. Honestly, he had no idea. He looked at Paterson, who shrugged. "It isn't up to us, it's up to the captain."

"You can't tell more people!"

"Then you tell him. Come with us," said Paterson. "It's just one more, and he knows all of our suspicions, anyway." That wasn't completely true.

"If you really wanted to convince us not to, you could tell us more about your terrible enemy who may or may not be like you."

Phantom shook his head. "It's not worth it," he said, floating halfway out of his seat. "I'm going home."

"Wait," said Collins. "Your accident- It really was an accident, wasn't it? Your parents didn't-"

Phantom's face scrunched up. "Of course it was an accident. I was messing around someplace I shouldn't have been because of a dare. Are we done, now? Right up until you decide to ruin what's left of my life, anyway."

"Do you have a cell phone?" asked Paterson. "So we can call you, instead of your parents, if necessary." She offered up her notepad.

Phantom jerked it out of her hands and scrawled something on the paper. "Goodbye," he said, shortly, before flying out of the car.

Paterson swore, loudly.

"Yeah," agreed Collins. "Yeah."

#danny phantom #dannymay #dannymay 2020 #day 26

[tachyon-at-rest]

DOGS IN ELK

An insanely funny story of "domesticated" dogs reminding us that they are still kinda wild.

https://www.jerrypournelle.com/reports/jerryp/dogsinelk.html#dogs

From: Edward Hume <[email protected]> Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 20:40:36 -0500 Subj: Dogs in elk ____________________________________________________________

I edited the follow-up thread

The original is here:

http://www.gardenweb.com/forums/load/party/msg101444109927.html?2

dogs in elk Posted by Anita z8 Seattle ([email protected]) on Fri, Oct 22, 99 at 14:44 The following apparently appeared recently on one of the newsgroups, rec.pets. It sounds pretty believable to me--though it's so funny, I'm not sure that I care. It's pretty long, but it's worth it. ---------------------

Anne V - 01:01pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1318 of 1332) Okay - I know how to take meat away from a dog. How do I take a dog away from meat? This is not, unfortunately, a joke.

AmyC - 01:02pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1319 of 1332) Um, can you give us a few more specifics here?

Anne V - 01:12pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1320 of 1332) They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of them is snoring. I have company arriving in three hours, and my current plan is to 1. put up a tent over said carcass and 2. hang thousands of fly strips inside it. This has been going on since about 6:40 this morning.

AmyC - 01:19pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1321 of 1332) Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is big enough to hold a couple of dogs inside? Given the situation, I'm afraid you're not going to be create enough of a diversion to get the dogs out of the carrion, unless they like greeting company as much as they like rolling around in dead stuff. Which seems unlikely. Can you turn a hose on the festivities?

Ase Innes-Ker - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1322 of 1332) I'm sorry Anne. I know this is a problem (and it would have driven me crazy), but it is also incredibly funny.

Anne V - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1323 of 1332) Elk. Elk are very big this year, because of the rain and good grazing and so forth. They aren't rolling. They are alternately napping and eating. They each have a ribcage. Other dogs are working on them from the outside. It's all way too primal in my yard right now. We tried the hose trick. At someone elses house, which is where they climbed in and began to refuse to come out. Many hours ago. I think that the hose mostly helps keep them cool and dislodges little moist snacks for them. hose failed. My new hope is that if they all continue to eat at this rate, they will be finished before the houseguests arrive. The very urban houseguests. Oh, god - I know it's funny. It's appalling, and funny, and completely entirely representative of life with dogs.

Kristen R. - 01:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1324 of 1332) I'm so glad I read this thread, dogless as I am. Dogs in elk. Dogs in elk.

Anne V - 01:41pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1325 of 1332) It's like that childrens book out there - dogs in elk, dogs on elk, dogs around elk, dogs outside elk. And there is some elk inside of, as well as on, each dog at this point.

Elizabeth K - 01:57pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1328 of 1333) Anne, aren't you in Arizona or Nevada? There are elk there? I'm so confused! We definately need to see pics of Gus Pong and Jake in the elk carcass.

Anne V - 02:03pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1329 of 1333) I am in New Mexico, but there are elk in both arizona and nevada, yes. There are elk all over the da*n place. They don't look out very often. If you stand the ribcage on end they scramble to the top and look out, all red. Otherwise, you kinda have to get in there a little bit yourself to really see them. So I think there will not be pictures.

CoseyMo - 02:06pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1330 of 1333) "all red;" I'm not sure the deeper horror of all this was fully borne in upon me till I saw that little phrase.

Anne V - 02:10pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1331 of 1333) Well, you know, the Basenji (that would be Jake) is a desert dog, naturally, and infamous for it's aversion to water. And then, Gus Pong (who is coming to us, live, unamplified and with a terrific reverb which is making me a little dizzy) really doesn't mind water, but hates to be cold. Or soapy. And both of them can really run. Sprints of up to 35 mph have been clocked. So. If ever they come out, catching them and returning them to a condition where they can be considered house pets is not going to be, shall we say, pleasant.

CoseyMo - 02:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1332 of 1333) What if you stand the ribcage on end, wait for them to look out, grab them when they do and pull?

Anne V - 02:18pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1333 of 1333) They wedge their toes between the ribs. And scream. We tried that before we brought the elk home from the mountain with dogs inside. Jake nearly took my friends arm off. He's already short a toe, so he cherishes the 15 that remain.

Linda Hewitt - 02:30pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1336 of 1356) Have you thought about calling your friendly vet and paying him to come pick up the dogs, elk and letting the dogs stay at the vets overnight. If anyone would know what to do, it would be your vet. It might cost some money, but it would solve the immediate crisis. Keep us posted.

ChristiPeters - 02:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1337 of 1356) Yikes! My sympathy! When I lived in New Mexico, my best friend's dog (the escape artist) was continually bringing home road kill. When there was no road kill convenient, he would visit the neighbor's house. Said neighbor slaughtered his own beef. The dog found all kinds of impossibly gross toys in the neighbor's trash pit. I have always had medium to large dogs. The smallest dog I ever had was a mutt from the SPCA who matured out at just above knee high and about 55 pounds. Our current dog (daughter's choice) is a Pomeranian. A very small Pomeranian. She's 8 months old now and not quite 4 pounds. I'm afraid I'll break her.

Lori Shiraishi - 02:38pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1338 of 1356) Bet you could fit a whole lot of Pomeranians in that there elk carcass! Anne - my condolences on what must be an unbelievable situation!

Anne V - 02:44pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1339 of 1356) I did call my vet. He laughed until he was gagging and breathless. He says a lot of things, which can be summed as *what did you expect?* and *no, there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog.* He is planning to stop over and take a look on his way home. Thanks, Lori. I am almost surrendered to the absurdity of it.

Lori Shiraishi - 02:49pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1340 of 1356) "He is planning to stop over and take a look on his way home." So he can fall down laughing in person?

Anne V - 02:50pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1341 of 1356) Basically, yeah. That would be about it.

AmyC - 02:56pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1342 of 1356) No, there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog." Oh, sweet lo*d, Anne. You have my deepest sympathies in this, perhaps the most peculiar of the Gus Pong Adventures. You are truly a woman of superhuman patience. wait -- you carried the carcass down from the mountains with the dogs inside?

Anne V - 02:59pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1343 of 1356) The carcass down from the mountains with the dogs inside? no, well, sort of. My part in the whole thing was to get really stressed about a meeting that I had to go to, and say *yeah, ok, whatever* when it was suggested that the ribcages, since we couldn't get the dogs out of them and the dogs couldn't be left there, be brought to my house. Because, you know - I just thought they would get bored of it sooner or later. But it appears to be later, in the misty uncertain future, that they will get bored. Now, they are still interested. And very loud, one singing, one snoring.

Lori Shiraishi - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1344 of 1356) And very loud, one singing, one snoring. wow. I can't even begin to imagine the acoustics involved with singing from the inside of an elk.

Anne V - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1345 of 1356) reverb. lots and lots of reverb.

Anne V - 03:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1347 of 1356) I'll tell you the thing that is causing me to lose it again and again, and then I have to go back outside and stay there for a while. After the meeting, I said to my (extraordinary) boss, "look, I've gotta go home for the rest of the day, I think. Jake and Gus Pong are inside some elk ribcages, and my dad is coming tonight, so I've got to get them out somehow." And he said, pale and huge-eyed, "Annie, how did you explain the elk to the clients?" The poor, poor man thought I had the carcasses brought to work with me. For some reason, I find this deeply funny. (weekend pause)

Anne V - 08:37am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1395 of 1405) So what we did was put the ribcages (containing dogs) on tarps and drag them around to the side yard, where I figured they would at least be harder to see, and then opened my bedroom window so that the dogs could let me know when they were ready to be plunged into a de-elking solution and let in the house. Then I went to the airport. Came home, no visible elk, no visible dogs. Peeked around the shrubs, and there they were, still in the elk. By this time, they had gnawed out some little portholes between some of the ribs, and you got the occasional very frightening glimpse of something moving around in there if you watched long enough. After a lot of agonizing, I went to bed. I closed the back door, made sure my window was open, talked to the dogs out of it until I as sure they knew it was open, and then I fell asleep. Sometimes, sleep is a mistake, no matter how tired you are. And especially if you are very very tired, and some of your dogs are outside, inside some elks. Because when you are that tired, you sleep through bumping kind of noises, or you kind of think that it's just the house guests. It wasn't the house guests. It was my dogs, having an attack of teamwork unprecedented in our domestic history. When I finally woke all the way up, it was to a horrible vision. Somehow, 3 dogs with a combined weight of about 90 pounds, managed to hoist one of the ribcages (the meatier one, of course) up 3 feet to rest on top of the swamp cooler outside the window, and push out the screen. What woke me was Gus Pong, howling in frustration from inside the ribcage, very close to my head, combined with feverish little grunts from Jake, who was standing on the nightstand, bracing himself against the curtains with remarkably bloody little feet. Here are some things I have learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend: 1. almond milk removes elk blood from curtains and pillowcases, 2. We can all exercise superhuman strength when it comes to getting elk carcasses out of our yard, 3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the fence really frightens the nice deputy sheriff who lives across the street, and 4. the dogs can pop the screens out of the windows, without damaging them, from either side.

Anne V - 09:58am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1401 of 1405) What I am is really grateful that they didn't actually get the damn thing in the window, which is clearly the direction they were going in. And that the nice deputy didn't arrest me for terrifying her with elk parts before dawn.

AmyC - 09:59am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1402 of 1405) Imagine waking up with a gnawed elk carcass in your bed, like a real-life "Godfather" with an all-dog cast.

Anne V - 10:01am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1403 of 1405) There is not enough almond milk in the world to solve an event of that kind.

#DOGS IN ELK #my posts #Dogs #Funny dogs #New Guinea Singing Dog #Basenji #Elk

[mimzy-writing-online]

Some Blind Things I (and actual blind person) Have Done

I talk all the time about what’s realistic for a blind person to do and how to write a blind character who isn’t a complete media myth of touching faces and super powers... soooo, part of that is knowing what kind of things an actual blind person (me) fucks up doing because I’m blind.

These moments include: Me sarcastically telling people I cannot see the thing they’re doing. Moments where I have zero manners. Moments where I do have manners. Making people uncomfortable because they’re staring at me. Great phrases like, “I have too much ADHD to count to eight.” and “It’s literally illegal for me to drive.” and “Wait, who are you?” “That’s not how we talk to people Mimzy.” My cats’ growing concern that I can’t see them or tell them apart but continuing to love me. Channeling my inner Toph Bei-Fong. Updates on the ongoing insomnia writing.

There’s no chronological order to them, I’m not sure there’s going to be any order to them at all, but it’s 3 am and I can’t sleep and it’s called the Late Night Writing Advice Blog for a reason.

(I definitely did not have to double check my own blog title while typing that, definitely not)

Note: This list gets a little long, but it’s a funny read and I was up until 4:30 (this note is from a future Mimzy who’s almost finished posting this, after 1.5 hours)

Additional Note: Feel free to send anons with commentary or reblog with commentary because I would love if someone enjoyed this. Like, these are stories of my life, please appreciate them.

The Things!

-My best friend and I hang out mostly at night because of his 9-5 job, and he still lives with his parents who probably don’t like me so when we hang out we’re mostly driving around on random adventures and coffee/tea runs and late night dinners. 

So it’s night, and my night vision is awful and I have to wear sunglasses anyway because what I can see is painfully bright headlights so yeah I see basically nothing.

With my best friend, I have

1. after asking him a question: “Did you nod at me and I just didn’t see it.” “I did nod.” or after waiting long enough for a response he’ll realize what he did on his own and say, “I was shaking my head no, sorry.”

2. Reaching into total darkness to touch his shoulder and touched his armpit instead.

3. Dropped something from my bag onto his messy car floor and asked him to find it for me because it all looks blurry and grey-black down there, even without sunglasses

4. Sensed he was going for a high five and I gave him a perfect high five. Surprised, he wanted to test it again. I completely missed.

5. “We’re passing the oil refinery, so enjoy hearing, touching, smelling, tasting that.” plus 3 other identical jokes on the same drive. “Hey, can you stop making blind jokes, I’m starting to hate them these days.” “When did that happen?” “When one not-great classmate slash sort of friend made them all the time.” “That’s a shame.” “Blind jokes from sighted people are also super repetitive. The only blind jokes I seem to like are from other blind people.”

6. Him: “You’re rolling your eyes behind your sunglasses, I can tell!” 

7. Once we saw snow once our way driving home from Las Vegas. It was March, it was after midnight, and the warmest it had been at any point in that night was 40 degrees Fahrenheit (4.4 degrees Celsius. That’s a real comparison?? That’s a scary number to an American who’s barely ever left California. We were driving through the mountainy area of California where the temp really drops and for three seconds we saw snow in the wind. Well, he saw it. Something moved, it was small and flaky but like... that was actually snow and I couldn’t see it? (this was three, almost four years ago)

8. Last weekend we drove around the rich neighborhoods to look at Christmas decorations because I love Christmas lights because for ones light actually looks pretty instead of painful and I can see it at night without hurting, so it’s nice. I love the pretty visual things. Blindness will not take the pretty visual things from me! And the decorations just make me so happy and I wanted to do that last year but never did, so we did that this year

9. I also told him about the cripple punk tag on Tumblr last weekend and he was delighted to know it exists because he’s got other chronic health issues including downright awful knees.

Other blind things not directly involving my best friend

1. I have paused writing to ask a sighted person if it’s realistic for my sighted characters to see X item from Y distance away. Usually my dad with his stupidly perfect vision.

2. Realizing I’m forgetting what sighted people can see. It’s been four years since I saw like a normal person. And all my sighted memories are literally blurry from age.

3. But I still have dreams where I see normally. And then dreams where everything is too bright like in real life and I cannot see and what is happening???

At home, specifically

1. I have three cats who I can’t tell the difference between. I have a small black and brown tabby cat. A black and orange tortie cat who is slightly heavy but medium build. An all black cat who is huge and has the longest fur I’ve ever touched on a cat. I cannot tell the difference between them until I’m up close. Especially if the lighting bad.

2. Tonight I almost set my laptop on top of Remy, my brown and black tabby, because I didn’t see here a foot away from me, curled up next to my leg, somehow blending in with my orange and blue comforter. Her concerned look I did see and was horrified by my almost fuck up and apologized profusely for.

3. Cannot see Felix, my black cat, half the time if the lighting is bad and have almost sat on him, put my feet in his face, tripped over him, etc. because he blends into the shadows and oh my fucking god I cannot see that.

Note: Remy cuddles with me all the time. Felix adores me but will not be caught dead cuddling anyone because dignity, but if he’s in my room and nobody’s around to see he’s insistent on cuddling. Rio (black and orange tortie) is devoted to my mum, and she knows she makes me nervous when she suddenly jumps on me and I get really shifty and squirmy and not fun to cuddle with, so we’re cool and I give her pets but she doesn’t usually crawl onto me unless she wants to make my mum jealous.

4. Can sneak up on family members and friends because I move so quietly, so at least there’s that. Not a blind thing, but it makes up for some things.

5. Have walked up to someone I thought was a friend, realized I don’t know them, and the first thing out my mouth was “Wait, who are you?” and then a close friend (and the party host) grab me by the shoulders and say, “That’s not how we talk to people,” and just like, where are your manners Mimzy, wtf, but I never saw that stranger again so it’s okay.

Side Note: blindness aside, I do have a habit of just rudely speaking my mind in not-appropriate settings because I just don’t care and don’t have the anxiety to at least act like I care. They’re very satisfying, but usually very rare moments.

6. Please stop moving things around the house!

7. “What do you mean there are cobwebs?” *Shines a flashlight at the dark corners of my room* “oh my god...”

8. Me, to my family members, “Please close those curtains, light hurts. Please turn off that lamp, it’s too bright in here.” *me, later turns off most of the lights in the house* Family members: “Why is it so dark in here? I can’t see.” *Me, channeling my inner Toph Bei-Fong* “Oh no, what a tragedy!”

9. Mum is the only one who vaguely appreciates my light sensitivity because she also has snow vision (a mild case) and has a little light sensitivity, sometimes, on her bad days.

More Not Quite Appropriate Things!

There are so many things that I say only to realize that there is a very nearby stranger who heard that out of context and it sounded so bad.

1. Best Friend (while I’m walking down stairs just fine, by myself, don’t need anyone’s help, I can do it!) “There are eight steps.” “I don’t need your help.” “I know but--” “I’m fine!” “I’m just trying to help.” “I have too much ADHD to count to eight anyway!”

“I have too much ADHD to count to eight anyway,” is exactly what two strangers heard while walking right behind me.

Why would you sneak up on someone who’s so obviously blind??

2. “Sea foam green is an ugly color anyway.” I was in a mall, it was well lit and I was using my cane and managing with my crap vision, but I managed to see that specific color I hate on a dress right next to me, and the woman walking on the other side of the mannequin display heard that and did a double take on my obviously blind self.

Or so I’m told by my mom who could see what happened.

3. Similar to above, I was in the Artist Village in San Diego, which is a huge tourist trap, and I was sort of a tourist too, but it’s freaking outdoors, so I have the cane and sunglasses. And I’m in an Artist Village (very visual thing) with my parents, so out of place. And this random dude was apparently staring at me. Cannot see him, absolutely no idea which direction my mum is pointing towards, everything is blank and weird and not see-able, but I turned my head and by some miracle looked directly at him and he freaked out and looked away.

4. “Oh yeah, make fun of the blind person!” sarcastically, but loudly, somewhere public after a joke a friend had made that I was actually okay with.

5. “Driving and hiking are my two biggest weaknesses,” said out of context to people who didn’t know I was blind.

6. “I forgot you were blind.” “Well I didn’t.” More channeling of Toph, I think.

7. “Why can’t you drive?” *points to cane* *he does not get it* “It’s very illegal for me to drive.” *does not get it* “They’re blind dude,” classmate says. “Very blind.” “You seem to get around just fine,” says the man who only see me indoors with the very best lighting scenario for my vision. “Yeah, but that’s because I have the cane.” “So?” You seem just fine, he seems to think. How dumb are you? I definitely think. “Why do you need the cane?” “Because I would die if I didn’t have it. I have almost died. People would die if I tried to drive.”

8. Later: “Did he think you could just drive and use your cane to feel the road or something?” “I guess.”

9. More questions from other people who don’t know me very well asking why I can’t drive. “Because it’s illegal.” Their confusion is wondering specifically why it’s illegal rather than thinking I’m not actually blind. I explain the laws in the driving handbook, because I have read it (unlike some people I guess. How did you miss the ‘drivers must be able to see at least 20/40 with their best corrected eye” and I haven’t been in that category for two years.

Note: My day blindness came two years before my vision acuity reached visually impaired status. So, like, two years of wishing I had a cane but thinking “I’m not blind enough” and still being terrified in certain situations and risking my life walking around without one or some sighted guide.

Similar Public Things

1. I can see indoors pretty well so I get by on prescription glasses and no cane (I see 20/70 - 20/100 with glasses) but sometimes the mall is crowded and nobody gives me space and I’m just not comfortable getting so close to people, so I bust out my cane (and maybe my sunglasses too) so I look extra blind and people will give me the space to walk without running into someone.

2. Have also done that just because the indoor lights were also too bright and I need my sunglasses.

3. Have stared at my phone in public with cane/sunglasses, or tried taking photos with it, and I get so many weird looks because blind people see nothing I guess, none of us have any vision at all! (read sarcasm)

4. Walking into a coffee shop I’ve been to before and I know they change their teas all the freaking time. Also got the cane. “Hi, can you tell me what iced teas you have right now?” “Oh, they’re all on that sign.” *blank look* Do you not realize I’m blind? I’m thinking. “What kind of black tea do you have? Do you have any tropical black tea?” (because they usually do and I love tropical black tea, and they did that day too, so I ordered that.)

5. I cannot read menus. Those restaurants that have the menus above the register are awful, evil. Cannot read. In the wonderful days of my childhood I didn’t have prescription glasses for my moderately not great but still mostly functional vision (my dad has perfect vision and no concept whatsoever about what it’s like to not be able to see those things!) So imagine my parents dragging me to restaurants like that and I’m 10 years old and supposedly can read perfectly fine but I cannot read that menu and I think it’s some personal character fault of mine that I just don’t know how to read those kinds of menus, so I have to ask my mum to help me choose a food to order and eat, and then that’s the only thing I ever order any time I ever go back. So, I’m quickly getting sick of those places because I only eat one item there and I want to try something new with a restaurant with those nice hand held menus, but those are sit-down restaurants and apparently they cost more money, sooo...

6. That was a rant I went on with my best friend last weekend

Side note: It’s almost 4 am, my mum just woke up, saw the light on in my room from under the crack of my door and said hi. I’m at a point right now where she just expects it and isn’t one to judge (unlike my dad who has zero insomnia because he has hypersomnia and I don’t know how humans do that)

Side Note Ten Minutes Later: My laptop is at 10% but I plugged it in because dammit I am finishing this tonight and it will have all the things.

7. “Hey, where’s the trash can? I can’t find one.” *also mistakes a trashcan and a human being just sitting still. All the time* “Why not just litter then?” best friend asks, knowing exactly how I’ll respond. “I have manners!”

8. I hate traveling even a little by myself. My orientation and mobility skills with my cane aren’t that bad, but they’re not good enough for me to feel comfortable walking around by myself anywhere that isn’t super familiar with routes I already have practiced and memorized (school, close friend’s houses or apartments, the blocks in my neighborhood I’ve walked 500 times coming too and from school or walking dogs with my parents). Anywhere unfamiliar or wide/open or crowded or God Forbid, OUTSIDE is a source of terror and will not let my traveling companions leave me alone for longer than a few minutes and certainly not walk away on my own.

9. Will not go to bars because I present female and I am visibly disabled and that makes me look like an easy target and why would I risk that unnecessarily?

I’m gonna cut it off here. This is a long post, and I need to just finally go to bed. Goodnight. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to send anons with commentary or reblog with commentary. I’d like to know that someone liked this.

#actually blind #cripple punk #writeblr #blindness #writing community #writeblr and actually blind both feel applicable because this is both a blog about writing and a blog about blindness #and other disability #tw ablism #blind character #why not add that tag too? #it's almost 5 GOODNIGHT

[paulisweeabootrash]

2020 mini-review pack

Di Gi Charat (1999)

Episodes watched: 7

Platform: VRV (Hidive)

Di Gi Charat (pronounced like “carrot”) is a series of fast-paced 4-ish-minute shorts nominally about Dejiko and Rabi-en-Rose, rivals trying to be Earth’s greatest idol.  Who are, respectively, a catgirl and a bunnygirl.  Oh, and also they’re aliens?  That’s... uh... certainly a premise, I guess.  The actual show consists of self-contained gag-filled episodes with no ongoing story, in almost a sitcom kind of way, throwing the characters into situations without context, but with a stable “baseline” situation (unlike, say, Pop Team Epic, where the characters serve more as stock personalities playing different roles in different sketches).  Dejiko is a snarky schemer.  Rabi-en-Rose is a snarky schemer whose main activity seems to be bothering Dejiko at work.  Puchiko is a small and quiet child and behaves accordingly.  And Gema is... something?  I have no clue, honestly, and neither does the fan wiki.  Other recurring characters fill stock roles such as “manager” and “otaku”.  A lot of the humor centers around poking fun at fandom.  It’s a show by, for, and about otaku from an era before our current internet culture, and since I’m a millennial and not from Japan, that makes it unusually hard to evaluate.

W/A/S: 8/2?/5?

Weeb: Chibis.  Catgirls.  Idols.  Kappas.  Kawaii verbal tics.  Akihabara.  Low-detail background characters who look like blobs or thumbs with faces.  Kanji left on-screen but untranslated.  Particular sorts of highly-exaggerated facial expressions we may have become familiar with through emoji, but which still haven’t made their way into American media generally.  This is ludicrously Japanese.

Ass: This really isn't that kind of show.  Although it is certainly designed for adults, as evidenced by the presence of phrases like “naughty doujinshi”.

Shit: The art is fun.  It has style shifts from comic strip to watercolor painting to mainstream 90s anime, and looks better than some of its contemporaries that were, uh, “real” shows.  The opening takes up about a quarter of the total runtime and gets annoying quickly (but that's because it’s clearly designed for being part of a broadcast block, not binge-watching).  Still, unless I’m missing hidden cleverness on account of not having the background knowledge, there’s not much to it.  It’s just okay.

-----

First Astronomical Velocity (band, active 2011-present)

Platform: Spotify, surprisingly

Okay, this one is a bit different, and I’m jettisoning the whole format for it.  Remember how I said the music-centered episodes of SoniAni were actually pretty good, even though the modeling-centered episodes were so offputting I never finished the show?  Well it turns out that First Astronomical Velocity, Sonico’s band, has released several IRL albums.  Physical copies may be a little hard to come by, but official uploads of a lot of their music can be found on Youtube and Spotify.  Do your musical interests include at least two of: string arrangements that would be at home in a particularly sappy movie soundtrack, 90s-00s alternative rock, synthesizer beep-boops, and that constricted cutesy Japanese women’s vocal style (you know the one I mean)?  Then this is for you.  They’re a pretty good... uh... alt-pop-rock band, I guess is what I’d call them.

-----

Interspecies Reviewers (2020)

Episodes watched: the entire 12-episode season

Platform: I plead the 5th.  But it’s getting a video release soon, so it will finally be legitimately available in English!

I started this year with a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show, and now I’m ending the year with... a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show.  But unlike Nekopara, this show had me cracking up, eagerly clicking “next episode”, and not complaining about the premise.  I’m sure a lot of people do have a problem with this show’s premise -- which centers almost entirely on various forms of sex work -- and I understand and respect that they will want to skip this show.

But for the rest of you: Interspecies Reviewers is a wildly-NSFW comedy about a group of fantasy world adventurers who gain fame and fortune reviewing brothels of different species.  I expected excessive nudity and fantasy tropes, but I didn’t expect to also get serious thoughts.  Like showing, in the golem and Magic Metropolis episodes, some of the unsettling problems that are looming IRL as deepfakes and sex robots are in development -- note especially the contrast between consensually and non-consensually basing automata on real people in those episodes.  Or the discussion in the last episode of how much riskier sex would be in a world without magic (i.e., ours).  This is a much smarter and more interesting show than you’d expect, considering that it has so much sexual content that it got dropped by two of the networks airing it and even its US distributor.

W/A/S: 5/10/4

Weeb: Although heavily influenced by the Western fantasy media canon of European mythology and Tolkien and tabletop RPGs, familiarity with the tropes of fantasy anime will help you “get” this too, as will familiarity with the -sigh- character dynamics and censorship practices of hentai.  Especially because it’s a comedy, there are probably also instances where I have completely missed topical references or wordplay that a Japanese person would get, but I can’t think of any specific instances right now of “there was clearly supposed to be a joke but I missed it”.

Ass: Look, this could not possibly have more sexual content without unambiguously becoming porn.  Genitals are (almost) always carefully hidden by viewing angle or conveniently-placed glowing (something lampshaded in one episode as an actual feature of one of the species they review), but otherwise, expect lots of nudity and almost nonstop crude humor.  Do not watch this with children.  Do not watch this with your parents.  Do not watch this with friends you don’t know well enough to know how they’ll react to something like this.

Shit: This show is better-made than it deserves to be.  It’s pretty dumb at points, but it’s fun enough to make up for it.  The art is consistent and pleasant, and the opening and ending themes are extremely fun, but it’s not a serious standout in any of those departments.  Also, I swear the background music is stock music, but I don’t remember what other show(s) I’ve heard it in before.

Stray thought: Crim is a precious and relatable cinnamon roll and I love them.

-----

OreSuki OVA (2020)

Platform: Crunchyroll

So, I know I didn’t cover the whole season in my initial review, but I still want to mention the hour-ish-long finale of this show, which was released straight to streaming.  Short version of the rest of the season: Joro starts to actually fall for Pansy, but a new challenger, Hose, appears.  He is irritatingly attractive and effortless at maintaining the right persona for the situation, leading Joro to describe him as “the main character”.  Hose is the sociopathic manipulator Joro wishes he could be, and Pansy, who has a bad past with him, clearly wants nothing more than for Joro to stand up to him.  But, since this is OreSuki, it’s not going to be handled simply.  No, instead, strap in for a grand finale of Joro and Hose competing in, and trying to manipulate through rules-lawyering, an absolutely ludicrous competition to win the right to date Pansy.  And, on top of it, we also get to finally see how Sun-chan got to be the way he is and what happened at that pivotal baseball game that set off the whole plot.  What has Joro learned from the experiences of the past season?  You’ll see!  And you’ll facepalm about it!

Really, you must watch this if you watched the regular season.

W/A/S: 6/5(!)/4ish

Weeb: Basically the same as I said before.  Gags referencing other Japanese media, anime and otherwise, and it's better if you’re familiar with the high school romcoms and harem comedies Joro thinks in terms of.

Ass (and slight content note): -sigh- Why does the camera need to be there?  Also, Joro, you just committed a little bit of sexual assault for the sake of this contest.  Stop.

Shit: I want to rate this overall better than I did the regular season because I think it’s an excellent finale overall because, even though it ends in a very “let’s leave everything unresolved” way that’s common in media that rely on absurd relationships to propel the plot, it does so in a way that makes sense in character.  I personally think it would’ve been stronger if it had, well, confirmed its title, and at least some of the other “challengers” had lost interest in Joro, but I guess they probably want a Season 2, since they have so much more source material to work from.  There are... oh god 14 light novels?!  That is too many.

-----

Your Name. (2016)

Platform: DVD

Two high schoolers -- small-town girl Mitsuha, from Itomori, and big-city boy Taki, from Tokyo -- find themselves in each other’s bodies for a day.  They both think at first it must be a very vivid dream, but when it happens again, and they start finding clues like notes they don’t remember writing and comments by friends and relatives about their out-of-character behavior, they realize the body swap is real.  This begins a relationship of mutual understanding that nobody else can really understand -- or would even believe (except Mitsuha’s grandmother, who is... familiar with this phenomenon) -- and the plot then pivots to a tense adventure where they use their connection, some crucial information Taki has, the skills of Mitsuha’s friends, and the intervention of Itomori’s patron deity, to save the town from an impending disaster.

And that’s all I’ll say about that, because I really do think this is something you should go into blind.  My only remaining comments are that (1) the red string of fate is critically important imagery, and is particularly interesting to me here because, if I took a particular scene correctly, Mitsuha made her own red string of fate from sheer necessity, which is a very different twist on that trope, and (2) I am now curious about the history of the body-swapping phenomenon in-universe.

W/A/S: 4?/2/2

Weeb: As mentioned above, symbolism of the Red String of Fate shows up throughout the movie, as do the occasional distinctly Japanese quirk like a wildly out-of-place vending machine or a café with dogs, and but for the most part it’s a cross-cultural story of understanding and dealing with someone else’s life, and of forming a connection other people don’t -- can’t -- truly understand, and to some extent of divides between urban and rural and modern and traditional that I think could play out in any country with just the local symbolism tweaked.  The significance and content of Shinto beliefs and practices depicted, particularly kuchikamizake, are made pretty explicit, so although foreign to the vast majority of the non-Japanese audience, I feel like this movie also has nearly no barrier to entry for people not familiar with the cultural context, so I don’t want to rate it very high on this scale.

Ass: Look.  It involves teenagers switching bodies.  What do you think they do?  Especially Taki?  But it’s played for laughs, not titillation.

Shit: This movie is beautiful and punched me in the feels and was very satisfying.  The closest I have to a complaint about any aspect of it is that the musical breaks that I guess are supposed to mark acts of the movie almost make it feel like binge-watching a short series instead of watching a single self-contained movie.

#weeaboo trash #anime review #mini-reviews #happy new year #di gi charat #first astronomical velocity #super sonico #interspecies reviewers #oresuki #Are You Really the Only One Who Likes Me? #your name

[pies-writes-and-more]

unlovable (pt. 1)

Word Count: 2,070

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Fem!Reader

Warnings: None, I don’t think?

Part 2 Part 3

(Gif not mine! Creds the original owner!)

Bucky hated mornings. He hated them more than nights. At least at night when he was tossing and turning on his too-comfy bed, he could pretend to be doing something else. He spent countless nights on the Internet, searching for all the things he had missed over the years.

But mornings just seemed like one more hurdle he couldn’t jump over. Every morning, he had to drag himself out of bed and feel the brokenness of his body. 

Today was no different. Bucky stared at himself as he brushed his teeth, glaring at the image in front of him. His hair was tossed up into a lazy bun, dark circles under his eyes, bruises decorated his chest like they were paintings on a wall, and his arm... his stupid metal arm.

He sighed as he rubbed it, feeling the cool metal under his fingers. It was a part of him, whether he liked it or not. Some people thought it was pretty cool, like that Spider kid that was always around Tony. He would bounce around Bucky, fascinated by it like it was some brand new toy. Others were scared of him, but Bucky couldn’t tell if that was because of his “Winter Soldier” history or because of the arm.

He had seen interns and workers at Stark Industries would whisper and deliberately go the opposite way if they saw him coming. He knew he had a bitch face, especially when he hadn’t gotten any good sleep, but couldn’t they just not? 

Steve reassured him that people would get used to having him around. But Bucky just wanted to fade into the wall, wanted to go back to Wakanda where, even though people were a bit scared of him, there was peace and quiet outside.

It was so loud here. He hated it. God he hated it. Why couldn’t everything just-

“Bucks?”

...So maybe everything in this time period wasn’t that bad. Bucky peered out of his bathroom, wiping his face with a clean towel to find (Y/N) standing in his room. 

“Hi!” She grinned up at him, a large folder in her arms. “Did you finish your TV series?” 

Bucky felt his lips tug into a smile small. Most people would’ve asked if he had had a good night, if he had slept well, if he felt comfortable. (Y/N) knew the answer was no to all the above and that he probably spent the whole night online anyways. He gave her a short nod in response, tossing his towel aside and opening his dresser to find a clean shirt.

She gave him a smile, watching him for a moment before turning to the folder in her hands so as to not stare at him as he changed. “So, your schedule is basically clear today except for a few things in town,” (Y/N)’s cheerful voice cut through Bucky’s grumpiness, but he still avoided her eyes.

“In town?” 

(Y/N) smiled, hearing him speak up but not making a big deal out of it. “Well, to be honest, you have the full day off but Steve asked me to keep an eye on you so you weren’t, and these were his words, ‘sulking in his room until he dies from lack of sun exposure’.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, mentally making a note to punch the idiot later. “I’d rather stay in,” he grumbled, pushing stray hairs from his face.

“If you really want to, I won’t push it. But I will say that I’ve got the day off too and was hoping to go do some errands or just walk around,” she offered. “I’m not leaving until closer to 10, so you can meet me in the hangar if you’d like to join. If not, I’ll bring you a treat from the bakery nearby!”

Bucky watched as she left, the cheery and happy air disappearing from his room. He sighed, looking at the window that tended to always be hidden behind curtains. Maybe it was time to go out. 

(Y/N) glanced at her watch again, nibbling on her bottom lip. She did tell him he didn’t have to come, so why would he? She sighed, picking up her disappointment and heading towards the door. Maybe next time.

“I’m not late am I?”

(Y/N) turned to see Bucky in clean clothes and standing in the doorway she was just staring so intently at. “N-No!” She grinned, smiling as he walked over. “I just thought maybe today wasn’t your day.”

He shrugged, looking away from her. “It wasn’t,” he mumbled.

(Y/N) waited for a moment, wondering if he would add more but then happily grabbed onto his metal arm. “Come on then! To the car!” She said excitedly, the grin growing bigger on her face.

Bucky couldn’t help but be surprised by her. Most people stayed as far away from his arm as possible. The rumours about what he did with the prosthetic, the people he hurt... why would she take it so lightly?

“Do you mind if we take my bike? It’d be nice to feel the wind,” Bucky asked as they got to the garage.

(Y/N) glanced nervously at the bike in question, giving a quick nod. Bucky noticed her silence but grabbed the helmets, handing it to her.

“I’ll just...put this on my head...” she murmured to herself, lowering it onto her head. Bucky chuckled as she struggled to strap it under her chin, touching her hand before taking over and doing it for her. “Thanks,” she blushed, avoiding his eyes.

Bucky watched her and smirked, hating Steve slightly for putting him in this situation...but also not hating it completely. He threw a leg over his motorcycle, glancing back at her through his own helmet. “Coming?”

She nodded nervously, climbing on behind him. She felt her heart skip a beat but was unsure if it was due to the nerves or the fact that she had never been this close to Bucky before.

“Hold onto me,” he told her, taking her arms and wrapping them around his waist.

“I’m not making you uncomfortable am I?” She asked, feeling him shift. He shook his head, starting the bike up.

“It’s just been a while since I had a pretty girl with me,” Bucky said before taking off, leaving (Y/N) to wonder if she had really heard him right.

He couldn’t deny he enjoyed her company. He couldn’t even deny he had feelings for her. Go for it, Steve had egged him on, what could go wrong?

Everything, Bucky thought to himself. 

As they got to the bank, (Y/N) was talking to the teller about some forms Tony had her look over. He watched her, saw how she smiled at the people around them. It was different than the smile she gave him, but not that different, so who’s to say she even liked him?

He huffed as the teller slid his business card over, offering for her to call her anytime. “Thanks, but I’ve been managing Stark Industries financials for a while now, I don’t think I need much help,” she gave him a polite smile, leaving the business card on the table before skipping back to Bucky. “Ready for errand number 2?” She asked, hooking her arm in his.

Bucky couldn’t help but look back at the teller, smirking.

“What errand could you possibly have here?” Bucky asked. After a long day of traveling around, (Y/N) had brought him to the edge of a forest. The trees were scattered enough for Bucky to see a trail, and in the distance he could hear the sound of water.

“No errand, I just like to come here after a long day,” (Y/N) smiled, taking her helmet off and heading towards the trail. “Coming?” She called back.

Bucky stared, biting his inner cheek slightly. God, she’s something, he thought to himself. There’s something special about her but Bucky had a hard time putting his finger on it. He had hung out with so many girls in his past life, he thought he’d seen it all. Even in this new life, all the girls he met seemed to be so similar. But... (Y/N). She was something completely different. 

He sighed, putting the helmets away before walking after her. She would look back every so often to make sure he was still there, until they finally reached an open space. Bucky took a deep breath in seeing the view. The lake was bigger than he imagined and they were much higher up from the water than he expected.

“I used to come here when I was in school,” (Y/N) said after a moment of silence. She sat down on the rocks, legs hanging off the slight cliff. “It was a nice way to break away from routine and normal city craziness.”

Bucky nodded, sitting down next to her. For the first time since he came back, he felt like the burden on his shoulders was just slightly lighter. “Why did you bring me here?” He asked after a while, his eyes meeting hers.

(Y/N) paused for a moment, wondering how to phrase it, “I know you’re having a hard time adjusting to life here. I know you’re worried people are scared of you. And I know you hate looking at yourself,” she started, reaching out and putting a hand on his. “I just thought after all the struggle, you could use some peace and happiness.”

Bucky watched her, his thumb grazing over her fingers. “Thank you,” he mumbled out shyly, squeezing her hand gently. 

(Y/N) shrugged, giving him a smile, “It’s nothing-”

“No, I mean it (Y/N). Thank you.” Bucky hesitated, before finding his confidence in the fresh air, “I’ve woken up every day here hating practically every piece of my new life. All I’ve wanted was some peace... and I can’t tell you how happy I am to have some with you.”

(Y/N) felt her cheeks turning pink and immediately looked away from him, “Most of the employees aren’t scared of you, you know,” she mentioned quickly, trying to avoid a subject that made her blush.

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, some of the new ones are, but that’s because you sulk and don’t really talk to anyone,” (Y/N) giggled. “Actually, most of them think you’re pretty cute though.”

Bucky let out a laugh, shaking his head. “Despite what Steve might’ve told you, my charming self was left in the past.”

“I don’t think so,” (Y/N) smiled, playing with his fingers gently. “I wouldn’t trade the present you for anything.”

Bucky’s heart swooned and he felt how badly his cheeks were hurting from smiling. He watched as her fingers moved along his, almost entranced by the feeling of her skin against his. He glanced at her lips, finding his thoughts completely captured by the idea of kissing them.

(Y/N) swallowed hard, feeling beyond nervous as Bucky seemed to lean in closer. Is he going to kiss me? Her heart was beating so quick, she couldn’t think straight. Before she could even process what was happening, she moved in closer, crashing her lips onto his.

Bucky was stunned to feel her make the first move but didn’t deny it. He kissed back passionately, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to him. This has to be what heaven feels like, was his last thought before he tried to lift his hand up to touch her cheek.

Suddenly, he snapped back into reality. His eyes shot open and stared at the metal hand pressing against her cheek. He pulled away quickly, eyes darting anywhere but her disappointed and surprised face. 

“Bucky?” (Y/N) tried to catch her breath, any chance of a smile slipping away as she recognized how distraught he looked.

“N-No, this can’t happen.” Bucky shook his head quickly, pushing away from her. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Not with you.” He mumbled, getting up and muttering, “I gotta go,” before quickly rushing back to his motorcycle.

There was a tightness in her chest as (Y/N) sat there, watching. Before she knew it, she heard the distant roar of his motorcycle and felt her heart drop. 

Not with you. The words repeated in her head over and over again. A cool wind blew against her eyes, pulling at the tears she had been trying to blink away. 

There she was, at a place she once considered a second home, alone and heartbroken.

Masterlist

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers #marvel x reader #avengers x reader #reader insert #marvel fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #mywriting #bucky barnes series #my writing #cute #fluff #angsty #angst fanfic #bucky barnes angst #requests #request open #pls request #pls send help #pls send me stuff #writing #fanfiction

[axther]

Hiya, could I please get a BNHA matchup? Name’s Hearth, I’m a pansexual female INFP-T. I come off as confident but I’m really anxious and it shows at weird times (ie ordering food). I like reading, writing, anything art related, and psychology. I love getting to know people based on psyche stuff and match my sense of humour based on theirs. I like to bond through jokes, and come off soft and sort of sisterly to some, but my natural sense of humour is pretty dark and comes out at bad times.

Listen…i usually stick to 1-A bc I feel I don’t have the best grasp of any of the other groups?? But the Tamaki Amajiki love jumped out. I fear for my life 

#1 is…Midoriya! 

You read him (past tense) 

That’s the first thing that I thought of when I read your bio (thingie???) tbh 

You met him, and you read him

And you say something along the lines of ‘hey you look stressed (something, something psychology-based, science stuff) do you have something weighing you down’ 

And that day he was 👌 this close to cracking 

And he’s about to spill his whole life story to you in the middle of the hallway 

But he catches himself 

And accepts his fate 

Afterwards is wondering how the hell you had him like that so fast 

You two start talking 

And he’s in full-on awe 

You’re a strange form of gentle, and he thinks that you’re brilliant 

You can pick apart anyone you wanted 

And he thinks that glorious 

You even did it with Bakugou when he was talking smack to Midoriya 

And it was clear that you did it in Midoriya’s defence 

But you called Bakugou out on his insecurity and gave him some advice 

And midoriya would swear that he saw Bakugou writing in the journal that you suggested 

But of course, he wouldn’t sell Bakugou out 

It makes him proud that you didn’t let what Bakugou would do or say get to you

And it made him feel fuzzy that you came to his rescue like that 

Though part of him feels a bit upset that you thought he couldn’t handle it 

either way, you’ve got his heart feelin’ something 🥴

And eventually, he decides to ask you out 

He’s got to hype himself up

And before he realises what he’s doing

He��s texting you asking for advice on how to ask someone out 

And you tell him the basics 

And he starts doing the basics 

And that includes taking you on not-quite dates 

And you don’t really put two and two together until you look over your calendar and it’s just 

‘Midoriya, midoriya, midoriya, doctor’s appointment, midoriya, midoriya’ 

And you think ‘wow I’ve been going out with midoriya a lot’ 

‘Oh’

You best make progress soon otherwise he’s gonna be convinced he’s not doing enough 

You will wake up one morning to him holding a speaker and playing 雄英高校

(look it up on SoundCloud it’s worth it, I promise) 

#2 is…Jirou! 

Y’all met…? You two probably didn’t actually meet 

(it’s my personal h/c that you would have a healing based quirk, so this is me running with that) 

But one day after training she hears someone crying 

And naturally, she’s like ‘? hm?’ and goes to check it out 

And she sees a kid and you

Now

This kid is definitely banged up 

It almost looks like they had just been ganged up on?? 

And you’re healing the kid 

The kid is wailing about how he’s being bullied 

And you’re calming him down 

And you’re hugging him 

And jirou just thinks ‘…oh.’ 

Now 

She doesn’t really think anything of it 

Or she tries not to 

But you’re on her mind all week

She doesn’t know why 

But she just keeps on thinking back to how sweet you looked 

And how the kid stopped crying once you held him and rubbed his back 

You looked like a mother 

You looked beautiful

And kind 

And soft 

And 

Oh

It’s in English class when jirou literally says ‘yikes’ out loud and everyone’s like ‘???’ 

But here lies another problem 

She has to find you 

She lowkey starts asking around 

And people are getting mildly suspicious?? 

Like 

‘What do you want with Hearth?!’ 

‘You can always go to Recovery Girl 😒’ 

But once she gets your name it’s game over for the non-believers

She meets you and she asks about the kid and she asks about you 

And before y’all know it you two are dating 

(plot twist you two n the kid become U.A.’s resident family) 

#3 is…Tamaki!  

Like i said before 

I don’t think I have the best grasp of tamaki 😔✊🏻

But FUCK if I don’t think y’all fit together perfectly 

Let’s get the obvious out of the way

Yes!! You may be anxious!! 

But i have a feeling that if push came to shove that big sis side would take over!! 

And this would save Tamaki’s ass at some point probably 

For example 

Maybe some newer kids that don’t know about the big three are giving him a hard time 

And he doesn’t really speak up, yanno? 

But then you step in 

And you don’t look angry per se 

Just disappointed 

And honestly, that’s the most crushing part of it all 

But you scare them away

And Tamaki can’t really phrase it 

But oh my god is he grateful 🥺

After that you almost never see him 

And when you do he ducks out of sight faster than you could really be sure that he was there 

And it’s completely for lack of trying 

If anything, he’s literally trying to not see you 

You’ve engulfed his senses

And he’s terrified 

Everywhere he looks he’s pretty sure that he sees you 

It’s swarming him 

And he’s in a near-constant panic 

It takes Neijre and Mirio to snap him out of it 

He tells them what’s going on in a blind rush 

And instantly they’re like ‘😏😏’ 

At once, they (read: Neijre) hatch a plan to get you two together 

At first, it’s splendid! 

They got you two in the same room without Tamaki saying ‘aight, imma head out’! 

But then it went downhill

Naturally 

If you caught Tamaki’s eye

Then you caught literally everyone else’s eyes, too

So there’s a near-constant battle for your attention, and Tamaki is not loving it 

He feels like he’s failing miserably 

But then 

A golden light appears 

That light being 

His own evasiveness

Yeah you read that right 

You noticed he always seemed to be pushed aside, and you went after him one day

You asked him if he was okay, if he needed help, etc 

And his heart SWELLED 

He doesn’t know how he did it 

No, seriously, since he passed out after 

But that afternoon he woke up in Recovery Girl’s office 

With you by his side

And you said ‘good afternoon, honey’

And he fainted again 

And the story of how Tamaki Amajiki got a girlfriend and then fainted twice famed the halls of U.A., and also served as a motivation 

(If Tamaki can do it, so can you) 

Now the most important part 

Who’s gonna call for pizza when neither of you wants to go anywhere near the phone? 

#matchup #matchups #bnha x reader

[callioope]

Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass). 

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable. 

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row! 

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser? 

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me. 

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.  

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg. 

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >) 

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no. 

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!

#tag meme #the latest with liz #annual good things post #happy thoughts #for future reference #goals

[thegardenandthegrave]

My Independent Publisher Roadmap:

[Image Description: Indie Street Marketing branded infographic (red and black text and an empty road in the background). There are five slightly transparent gray boxes in the foreground that contain the five stages of publication as determined by indiestreetmarketing.mn.co. All content in the infographic is also provided in the following text. End.]

for @reshiramgirl88​

Oh god, I’m sorry this is so long. Worth the read though, I promise!

Five Stage Publication:

Stage 1 - Drafting

[Image Description: This is where the magic begins, where you start off with brainstorming and outlining and writing. This is the NaNoWriMo stage, the 'let me rant about my WIP' stage. This stage ends with two very important elements. The first is a completed first draft manuscript and the second is an Ideal Customer Profile]

So this is the stage that a lot of writers get stuck in. It’s the quicksand sinkhole of starting over with a new project. There’s nothing wrong with living in this stage, but if you want to actually publish a novel worth reading you have to have two things:

1. A Book.

2. An Audience.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“You can always edit a bad page. You can't edit a blank page.”

― Jodi Picoult

You have to have a book in order to publish and sell a book. This is the hard part for a lot of authors, the part that they get bogged down by for years and years trying to make their debut novel some perfect specimen of literature.

Guys, my friends, my fellow authors; do not allow yourself to be bogged down by the weight of perfectionism that accompanies years of reading ‘the greats’ and thinking you’ll never be one of them. A favorite line of mine from Charles Bukowski goes:

“ don't be like so many writers, don't be like so many thousands of people who call themselves writers, don't be dull and boring and pretentious, don't be consumed with self- love. the libraries of the world have yawned themselves to sleep over your kind. don't add to that. don't do it.”

The second part of stage 1, the part that is almost unheard of with writers who are just starting out or plan to publish traditionally, is the ideal customer profile. I’m actually posting a series on the ICP in a few days so I’ll give you a basic rundown and link back to it here when it comes out.

Essentially, your ideal customer profile is a character sheet for the person most likely to enjoy and cherish your work the way it was meant to be enjoyed and cherished. 

It’s important to develop your ICP near the end of stage one because moving on to stage two without it means missing huge opportunities to throw in the little nods and subtle glances that will really thrill your audience.

Stage 2 - Revision

[Image Description: Your revision process may be your own, but the fact remains that you have to have one. For some, it looks like printing out the book and redlining it. For others, it's about re-writing the entire thing. No matter which way you do it, this is where you will put in your foreshadowing and arch phrases. This step CANNOT be skipped.]

I used to write a book and then think it was done.

I used to write a book and then put it into a spell checker and a grammar editor and think it was done.

I used to read through it over and over and over and then ignore it for months as I tried to figure out where the missing part of the story was.

I’m not saying these methods are invalid. I’m just saying that after I learned to pull up a blank document side by side with the original and then write the whole thing out again many of the pains of plotting disappeared and my work moved into the professional arena.

Maybe it was the way I had to focus on the words as I read the story again, or maybe it’s because I’m a chronic underwriter and re-writing gives me a chance to unpack certain lines to expand the story.

I think it might be a little bit because revising is a lot like moving houses. You have to decide what to pack up and what to leave behind, and when you’re done you’re left with a newer, cleaner house and a sense of exhausted accomplishment.

Stage 3 - Editor/Beta Reader

[Image Description: While many writers try to skip from stage 1 to stage 3, others try to skip stage 3 altogether. Don't. Stage 3 is what brings your book into the professional realm and smooths out those rough edges. Feedback from your editor and beta reader may loop you back into stage 2 for another round of revision.]

So my first comment here is directed more towards stage 2 and how important it is.

I’ve beta-read too many books that didn’t go through the revision process. I’ve seen too many authors kill their own work over comments from beta readers that could have been avoided if the author revised their work before placing it into the hands of someone who could hurt them.

The connection between an author and their editor/beta reader is a very emotional one. My editor and I are sharing a hotel room at a writer’s conference in a few weeks. My beta reader is refused to talk to me for a week because of how I left the cliff hanger at the end of the last book.

These two people are your gatekeepers.

Where traditionally published books have agents and publishers to keep the tide of bad writing decisions from seeing the light of day, indie authors have their own poor judgment and a burning desire to see their works in a published form.

Your editor can save your asses (literally, the word was suppose to be assess and I accidentally deleted an S during the final touches stage. My editor caught it before I sold too many copies).

Your beta reader can warn you if your character’s personality changed halfway through or if the room for your final confrontation is a blank white box in their minds because you maybe forgot to describe it every single time your characters were in there before.  

Stage 4 - Final Touches

[Image Description: This is where we clean up our blurb, tag lines, cover, and formatting. Creating auxiliary content for content marketing, and developing a media strategy. At the end of this stage, we push publish (or place the book on pre-order). ]

This is my golden stage.

This is what I’m going to college for and what I plan on building a media and consulting company around. This is something I’m going to be posting a lot about so I won’t say as much here.

If you have questions on stage 4 publications pls send them to my ask box, I am always ready to help with the marketing.

Stage 5 - Continuation

[Image Description: The connection between the reader and the writer is a unique one, and is something that many indie authors tend to neglect. Your readers are people. They need assurances that there is another book coming, someone to yell at for the last cliffhanger, and a place where they can connect to other readers. As a publishing author, it is your job to provide them a way to connect. ]

Continuation is really almost an extension of stage 4. It’s the engagement side of being an author. It’s where the fandom is born.

This is where I think a lot of authors make their last mistake. Those who manage to get themselves to this stage tend to drop the ball because The History Of Authors clearly states that we are ethereal and unknowable creatures who mustn’t interact.

Times are changing, folks. Technology is changing us. We are a social bunch and we want that connection. We want the validation. We want the community.

An author that can give their audience a sense of belonging, who can engage them openly and respectfully, and who can make them feel as though they are remarkable is going to be the author who has the competitive advantage.

tldr: come ask me questions about author marketing.

#original #writing advice #publishing advice #indie street marketing #ISM advice #I'll tag other people later #when i have the spoons for it

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 7 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Pure Positives I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style II.1 Bad Descriptions II.2 Salvatorisms II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization III.1 “Maestro” III.2 Lieutenant III.3 Barbarian III.4 “Hero” III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril IV.3 Self-Inconsistency IV.4 Dungeon Amateur IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes VI.1 No Homo VI.2 Disrespect of Women VI.3 Social-normalization VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next (you are here) VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood VII.2 Profane Redemption VII.3 Passing the Torch VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

Note: This was written before the unveiling of the final book’s title. As such, the predictions are outdated.

What’s Next

While Timeless inspired confidence I haven't had in Salvatore for a long while and made me hopeful for the future, overall, Boundless hammered my heart back down into my stomach. Whereas Timeless felt like Salvatore actually had some degree of emotional attachment to what he was writing rather than making a bid to have his characters stick out in Forgotten Realms lore, Boundless backpedaled from this quite a bit. He has some solid turns of phrases in Boundless, but unlike the ones in Timeless, I wouldn't have remembered them if I hadn't specifically noted them down during my reading. In Timeless, we explored more than the constantly-revisited areas of Menzoberranzan, Gauntylgrym, Luskan and others, delving into Ched Nasad. In Boundless, we're back to Menzoberranzan, and furthermore, with most of the action happening in the same area of Menzoberranzan, specifically, in and around The Oozing Myconid tavern. This is reminiscent of how basically all of the action in the city of Helioglabalus during The Sellswords trilogy is condensed to one area, around the cul-de-sac Wall Way. The small but interesting bits of detail that we were treated to in Timeless about characters that we're so familiar with already, such as Jarlaxle, Malice, and the rest of the Do'Urden family, did not continue in Boundless. Gone too is the Realmsian feel that Timeless achieved, for Boundless feels very much like a standard Salvatore insular and tweaked Forgotten Realms. Boundless hammers the lore-rich and location-rich Waterdeep into something with fewer dimensions than Salvatore's current timeline Luskan. While the scenes from the past are still more interesting than the ones set in the present in Boundless, they don't hold a candle to their counterparts in Timeless. There was heart in Jarlaxle and Zaknafein's past in Timeless, and it felt as though it was something that Salvatore had thought about for a long time. By contrast, in Boundless, those scenes feel rote and rehashed, cobbled together from half-formed ideas. Those scenes only manage to not be sleep-inducing because they don't focus on the Companions of the Hall. While Timeless seemed to take a break from the disagreeable conclusions made in the novel preceding it, Boundless is right back on that track again.

All of the above is pretty bad, but things may even get worse. There are in fact many indicators that suggest some of my darkest fears concerning this franchise will come to pass, and  I sincerely hope that's not the case. That said, much of what I say in this section about what might come in the future are speculatory. They are extrapolations based on what I've learned from reading almost all of the over three hundred novels published for the Forgotten Realms, D&D sourcebooks through the editions, and talking with Ed Greenwood and other creatives who have officially worked on the setting. 

Drizzt Ascends to Godhood

Boundless still doesn't tell us where Zaknafein's soul had been. It isn't specifically stated, but I think it's fair to say that it definitely wasn't with Lolth, otherwise, she wouldn't send one of the two souped-up version of the Retriever after him. One could argue that Lolth might've done so because she is fickle and chaotic, but there's fickle, and then there's impractical. Bringing something as powerful as Salvatore's Retriever is supposed to be would tax her no small amount, and even a goddess of chaos, especially one whose resources are already spread thin warring with other demon lords, would not do something that's simply foolish. So, Lolth didn't return Zaknafein, and Yvonnel knows that she isn't getting spells from Lolth but she doesn't know who is granting them to her. If Salvatore weren't obsessed with erasing Eilistraee, the obvious answer would be that the Dark Maiden is looking after Yvonnel. That would be the most logical in-universe explanation, but as far as Salvatore is concerned, Eilistraee doesn't exist unless using her as the subject of ridicule and denigration. Eilistraee's brother Vhaeraun is similarly ignored, but at least is spared the dismissal that Salvatore places upon Eilistraee. It's possible that Yvonnel is getting her spells from someone in the elven pantheon, for aside from Eilistraee and Vhaeraun, the drow pantheon doesn't have any other non-evil members. While some of the Dark Seldarine might want to help Yvonnel simply out of spite for Lolth, that's also unlikely, because it's been clearly stated that Zaknafein was in a good place, and in the realm of one of those evil deities would not constitute a good place. But, it seems unlikely to me that someone from the elven pantheon is granting Yvonnel spells, for while Salvatore doesn't erase their existence, he doesn't acknowledge them either. A person who only reads the Drizzt books wouldn't know the existence of even Corellon Larethian, the patron god of all elves, including at one point the dark elves who were turned into drow. 

So who, then, is granting Yvonnel cleric spells? It might very well be left as a mystery forever, but what I suspect and fear is a rather convoluted scenario. Specifically: Drizzt, the god of goodly drow in the future, is granting the spells to Yvonnel in the present. Sounds crazy, right? I totally agree, but sadly, despite how many D&D creators warn about how bad of an idea time travel is in D&D, it's not implausible, and in fact, many things hint at the possibility, especially in Boundless. First, there's Drizzt's strange disappearing act at the end of novel that I discussed earlier. This could very well be him ascending to godhood. Second, it's been building up throughout the novels that Drizzt has become a beacon to all male drow, including a maverick like Jarlaxle. In the Realms, the power of belief is what grants gods power, and it is so strong such that races like the kuo-toa have believed gods into existence without there even being an individual to elevate with that belief. Drizzt, as represented by Salvatore, certainly would have enough "followers" to elevate him into demi-god status at the very least. Furthermore, Salvatore has demonstrated an eagerness to do everything possible to his golden boy, and while Drizzt himself, if he were true to his character, wouldn't want to be a god, making him into an actual god is getting pretty near the only good thing that Salvatore hasn't done to Drizzt yet. 

What has me the most suspicious that this is where Salvatore is going is the talk between Quenthel and Sos'Umptu about a "spark", one that "resided in Zaknafein before Drizzt". The word "spark" is often used in Realms material when referencing godly essence, for instance, Chosens are imbued with the sparks of their gods, mortals ascend to godhood when a divine spark is passed onto them, etc. The mention of the spark that father passed to son happens amidst a discussion between two very powerful priestesses of what was pre-fated and the intervention of higher powers. It feels very much like the Child of Prophecy scenario in the Naruto franchise, with Zaknafein being the parallel of Nagato and Minato in that his superiority marked him as a potential candidate to fulfill a great prophecy, but ultimately he failed to do so and the responsibility is passed onto the next worthy candidate, in this case, Drizzt. I'm not fond of this possibility because it's completely unnecessary and uncharacteristic. The only reason for Salvatore to elevate Drizzt to godhood is to further erase Eilistraee, to write his own name over the tapestry some more, and I suppose to garner more money from unthinking sycophantic fans who lack the ability to critically examine anything. Drizzt as a god would also be superfluous, for what he'd stand for is already covered by Eilistraee, with what she doesn't cover instead handled by Vhaeraun's portfolio. It isn't uncommon for gods' portfolios to overlap, but those overlaps are more like the intersection between circles of a venn diagram rather than a nigh-total eclipse. I suppose Drizzt could be the patron god of sanctimony, melodrama, preachiness and self-congratulation, but those traits hardly deserve a patron god. Realistically, if Drizzt is to be wedged into the drow pantheon, what would happen is that he would weaken the already goodly forces there. People of the Realms are polytheistic, but many have a main god that they worship, and with that taken away from existent gods, so, too, is the power they get from their followers' belief. At least it's consistent with how Drizzt is written, if not how he is supposed to be, for him to, yet again, be a damaging force to true good.

Profane Redemption

Salvatore seems to have this notion that Artemis Entreri needs to be "redeemed", and his definition of redemption is to become similar to Drizzt and the Companions of the Hall. It's as though he only knows how to write one character archetype, and seeing how he forces all of his characters down the same path, I honestly don't know if Salvatore simply can't write other archetypes, or doesn't feel like he should out of some sense that there is only one "correct" way for people to be. The idea that Entreri needs to be "redeemed" at all is questionable. What, exactly, does Entreri need to be redeemed for? For killing many people? Certainly, this is a sin, but Drizzt and the Companions of the Hall have killed many more, and yet they are celebrated heroes whose every action is unquestionably right. One could argue that Drizzt and the Companions only killed the "bad guys", but by whose definition are "bad guys"? Salvatore's definition of good versus evil is as inconsistent as his work is with itself, and comes from a position of privilege. We're told that Entreri never killed anyone unnecessarily, so really, is he deserving of the same fate as the old lecher, who at best was a child trafficker, and at worst, a child molester? Salvatore apparently believes so, with how the adjudicator "demon" possessing Sharon subjects the two to the same fate. I'm not arguing that Entreri did nothing wrong. He was absolutely a villain. Whatever his reasons might be, he did murder people. He did kill innocents for his personal gain, for instance stealing the life force from passed out drunks in alleyways to heal himself. He does have sins to atone for. However, what troubles me is Salvatore's stated reason for the need to redeem Entreri in an interview during the release of Timeless: 

Artemis Entreri surprised me quite a bit in the Sellswords trilogy, in Road of the Patriarch. That was supposed to be the end of Artemis Entreri. Road of the Patriarch was the perfect redemption, that redemptive moment where you could have hoped that Artemis Entreri ended on the right track. But after I wrote the book I got so many letters from people who had gone through similar traumas that Entreri had gone through when he was kid. They said, “You can’t end it here. We have to see him redeemed.” I got dozens of letters from people saying, “Please continue this character. This is personal to me.” And I was like, well, maybe I’ll learn something by continuing with this character. And I did. That’s a good thing.

What I came to realize about Artemis Entreri is that a driving force in him was why he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror without self-loathing: it was guilt. And it was guilt over things that had been done to him, not things that he had done. I don’t think I ever understood that until after I put him on the road of redemption.

I am honestly not sure what to think regarding Salvatore's claim that people who had gone through similar traumas as Entreri wants to see Entreri "redeemed". Young victims of physical abuse, sexual assault, parental neglect and betrayal have not done anything wrong, and while Salvatore is right about people that go through such horrors carrying guilt over what happened to them, I'm skeptical about whether Salvatore correctly understood his fans. My own background falls into that category, and I've interacted with others like me as we desperately tried to make sense of why the universe apparently deemed we deserved what happened to us. With the internet bringing greater connectivity between people, I found countless others like me, and have managed to arrive at a point in which I at least logically believe that what happened to me wasn't deserved. What I know from my own experiences and what I've learned from others differ so much and so consistently from Salvatore's recount that I can't help but wonder if some words got crossed with him. With people like me, "redemption" isn't what we fundamentally want. We want our scars to heal and we want to do it at our own pace, in our own way, to feel valid even though we have trouble fitting societal norms. Trauma victims are often misunderstood and dismissed because they are different, and really, all they want is for that to not happen. Salvatore's "redemption" of Entreri is to make him more like the very social-normative Drizzt, which is the opposite of what a trauma victim would want. In reality, a trauma victim who is being pressured to conform to another's perceived notions of normalcy, like what Drizzt does to Entreri, would react very badly to it. Furthermore, traumas, especially childhood ones, don't simply go away through the performance of some deeds, or even a great amount of deeds like helping others, which those privileged enough to have never experienced abuse at the hands of another seem to believe is the key to salvation. Traumas go away only with the passage of time, and the presence of people in one's life who understand the individual and accept them for who they are, who try to help them be the best version of themselves rather than the best societal model of a person. It's only normal for victims of trauma at the hands of others to resent and distrust people as a whole, and their traumas tend to be exacerbated by being told that they won't recover unless they help others, which often translates into, "I need to help those who will hurt me" in a trauma brain. Salvatore represents Entreri as having gotten past his childhood traumas because he received some degree of fulfillment from helping the people of Port Llast. Furthermore, Salvatore makes it appear that Drizzt's influence in Entreri's life is what led him down the path of "redemption", but realistically, what Drizzt has done is push Entreri to be like him. The reality of what should be happening is actually very damaging to Entreri. If Entreri isn't self-aware enough of what he truly wants, which is the case for a lot of trauma victims, he might be going along with Drizzt, even earnestly, because he's led to believe it'll help him feel better. The thing is, each person's recovery from trauma is unique, and has to come from within; following someone else's path more often than not leads to more damage, especially when it's the path that someone who doesn't bother to understand them lays out for them, as is the case for Drizzt with Entreri. If Entreri is self-aware enough, he should be resisting Drizzt, but he doesn't, which suggests it's the previous example, and that in turn has a lot of dark and problematic undertones, with one standing out in particular: Drizzt's behavior is abusive towards Entreri. 

While many were unhappy with the way that Road of the Patriarch concluded, especially back when it seemed to be the last that we'd see of Entreri, it was, in so many ways, a much kinder treatment of him than what's being done in continuing his saga. Over seven decades of enslavement by the Netherese would've deepened his trauma and made them more difficult to dislodge, but Salvatore doesn't seem to understand this at all. It would be less cheap and contrived, not to mention less invalidating, if Salvatore had Entreri's issues cured via magic or psionics. By espousing the belief that anyone can be "fixed" through a set approach, or needs to be "fixed" at all, Salvatore damages more than his own character, he helps spread an idea that will further hurt and invalidate real trauma victims. Sadly, things don't seem like they will get better. The artificial "development" forced onto Entreri in Hero was so depressing to me that it made it hard for me to read anything for almost two years. Timeless was a break from that, and indeed seemed like Salvatore was abandoning that tack, but Boundless dashed those hopes thoroughly. Entreri gets caught as a result of putting others before himself, and while it's conceivable that he'd save Dahlia before trying to escape, him doing the same for Regis without a second thought is a Drizzt characteristic, not his. Furthermore, he'd saved Regis before saving Dahlia. Without intending it, the events that Salvatore creates are actually an accurate metaphor for what happens to a damaged individual who is made to believe that another's path is their own: they unsuccessfully see it to completion, and get themselves mired in greater suffering. 

What appears to await Entreri in the future, as suggested by Boundless, is pretty disheartening, to say the least. As we see in the case of the old lecher, "Sharon"'s cocoon, in addition to killing its victims, apparently ensnares the victims' soul and damns it to an eternity of suffering. Furthermore, that cocoon apparently also informs the victims the reason why they are thusly damned. I can't help but feel that the cocoon is more than an analogy, I suspect that Salvatore is employing it as yet another cheap and lazy character development device. By the end of Boundless, Entreri has realized that his agony will be an eternal one, and is due to his many victims. I suspect in the final book, Entreri will be saved from the cocoon, but he'll emerge as a redeemed butterfly, changing the last of his non-conforming ways and becoming another boring good guy Drizzt clone. His reasons for doing so might be due to his realization in the cocoon that he'd have suffered for eternity unless he changes, which Salvatore could pretend is more in line with Entreri's character. However, the entire thing is incredibly artificial. Whatever "demon" possessing Sharon is doesn't exist in FR lore and was made up solely to use as a cheap plot device. Furthermore, the "demon" just randomly finds Entreri and Dahlia. Its own affiliation with the Margaster plot is that it happens to possess a Margaster child, but otherwise, it wasn't an obstacle to a specific goal. It was just sort of there. If there was a situation in which the conflict of judging good versus evil was relevant, then the creature could've been a meaningful obstacle. For example, if Entreri or any other character on a path to "redemption" exposes how the kind of judgment the creature passes is flawed and arbitrary, and then manages to make a step towards overcoming that internal conflict, that would make Salvatore's definition of "redemption" more palatable. As it is, it's just really random and being shoved down our throats. The fact that Entreri doesn't casually toss about the word "friend" like he does in Timeless is little consolation if Salvatore is indeed using the cocoon how I suspect he is using it. Entreri the redeemed butterfly would be truly a tragic and terrible closure for his character, or any character for that matter.

Passing the Torch

The title of the next book hasn't been revealed yet, but I've got a feeling that it will be "Endless". Thus far, "Timeless" and "Boundless" both suggest something without constraint, and "Endless" would fit this as well as following the -less format. I'd like the Drizzt books to end with the Generations trilogy, but it seems unlikely with the name of the trilogy, and even more so if the title of the last book is indeed "Endless". I do wonder if perhaps there's more truth to Salvatore's words that the legend of Drizzt is over and that a new era has begun. He might not have been successful with that in Timeless, nor was he with the endless amounts of tedious recaps in Boundless, but the allusions to the Stone of Tymora series, as well as "Generations" for the trilogy title, makes me wonder if he intends to pass his legacy to his son, Geno. Catti-brie is very pregnant and will give birth soon, so perhaps Salvatore means to pass the torch down to his next generation as his characters do the same. Geno's writing style as displayed in Stone of Tymora wasn't anything to brag about, but there was at least a refreshing quality to it. Furthermore, Geno has shown himself to be what his father isn't, a true ally to LGBT+ folks, through actions such as posting publicly in defense of fans who ship same-sex characters of the Drizzt series. While Entreri doesn't need to be redeemed, the Drizzt books certainly do, and perhaps Geno is the one who will bring that redemption. I certainly hope so, for as it is, I'm back to dreading a reality in which the Drizzt books are the only Forgotten Realms novels that we'll get forever.

Don't Notice Me Senpai

I've been very critical of Salvatore, but I don't hate him. What I'd really like is to respect him, but as his work currently is, I'm unable to do that. In my review of Timeless, I wrote, "I suppose it wouldn’t be fair to Salvatore to completely attribute all of Timeless’ writing improvements to his editor(s). He had to be willing to listen, to accept that what he’d written could be improved". Boundless did backpedal quite a bit, but perhaps he did listen. My significant other has long suspected that Salvatore reads my long ramblings that I doubt anyone reads, for there have been some really startling coincidences between how his writing changes and the stuff I point out in my reviews. I'm not exactly nice about Salvatore, so I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't read my criticisms of him, as he's always seemed really thin-skinned. Still, it is a bit scary how things line up, and really, he doesn't have to like me, he can even hate my guts, but if he did indeed decide to even read one of my articles about him and his work and took some of it to heart, I'd completely redo my evaluation of him. To give a few examples of the coincidences, in the past, I'd mock him quite a bit for how often he'd use "six hundred pounds of panther". This has wholly disappeared. I'd criticize him harshly for gratuitous lesbian sex scenes, which have also disappeared. I pointed out that he'd failed at making Timeless an appropriate starting or restarting point due to how much it ties into so many past events that aren't explained, and Boundless took explaining the past to a ridiculous level. I criticized Salvatore for how "magnificent" is used in Timeless, and it's greatly improved in Boundless. I'd chastised his weird use of "fashioned", and it doesn't appear at all in Boundless. These are just some of the many coincidences, and ultimately, I do think they are coincidences, even if the amount of them and how well they line up freak me out more than a little.     

On a final note, since I'd berated Timeless' cover art, I wanted to note that the cover art for Boundless is an improvement. The artist has changed, Aleksi Briclot did the covers for the Homecoming Trilogy as well as Timeless, but the artist credited with Boundless' cover is "Aleks Melnik/Shutterstock". I can't help but wonder what happened. Boundless' cover seems to have abandoned the attempt at Sumi-E, which I described as, "if you're going to appropriate my culture, at least do it justice". There's still a wispy and abstract feel to the cover of Boundless, but there's no longer that pseudo brushstroke work. I don't personally care for the art style, but I have no strong feelings about it either. I'm not too worried about my brutal honesty having had any affect on Briclot. While I felt the cover for Timeless was only slightly less of a travesty than the novel preceding it, I have a great deal of respect for Briclot as an artist. His technical skill is solid and his attention to detail is superb. Briclot's Artstation portfolio shows pieces from major franchises like Thor: Ragnarok after his work for Timeless, so most likely, he's too busy with higher visibility projects to bother with Drizzt anymore.

If you've made it to the end, congratulations and thank you for tuning in! As always, I'm happy to discuss your thoughts and feelings about these books, but fair warning: in case you haven't garnered from this piece, I'm far from an unconditional Salvatore fan. I care deeply about the world as a whole, and would love to share with you its beauty. I care deeply about doing justice to the characters, but am not above goofing off with them. My views are my own. I am not affiliated in any way with Wizards of the Coast or HarperCollins.

#Artemis Entreri #jarlaxle baenre #Drizzt Do'Urden #Forgotten Realms #legend of drizzt #d&d #R A Salvatore #drow #Boundless #menzoberranzan #Gauntylgrym #Luskan #Ched Nasad #The Oozing Myconid #Helioglabalus #Wall Way #The Sellswords #waterdeep #Zaknafein Do'Urden #Ed Greenwood #Lolth #malice do'urden #retrievers #Yvonnel Baenre #eilistraee #Vhaeraun #dark seldarine #time travel #quenthel baenre #Sos'Umptu Baenre

[florablume]

Character Development Questions

Part 1: The Basics

What is your full name? Flora Elizabeth Blume

Where and when were you born? San Francisco, California on April 4th 1978

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) My mother is Joanne Blume, a retired teacher who isn’t ever afraid to say exactly what she thinks. She has little to no filter, which has made for many an awkward conversation in the past. My father is Richard Blume, a retired accountant. He’s proud, probably too proud sometimes, and occasionally outspoken. Apparently I’m the most like him out of his three daughters.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I have two younger sisters - Pippa and Sam. I get on with Pippa the most, probably because our personalities don’t clash so much. We’ve always been able to open up to each other about a lot of things. Sam and I butt heads a lot and we always have done. I’ve always just assumed it’s because I’m the oldest and she’s the youngest, but who knows.

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live on Manhattan’s Upper East Side in New York City, with Henry and our son Finley. Henry and I have been through a lot together - we’re not married but we act like we are. The apartment is Henry’s and we’ve lived there as a family for about a year almost. 

What is your occupation? I’m a Nurse Practitioner

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye colour, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. I’m about five foot one, so not exactly blessed with height. I don’t make a habit of weighing myself, but I’d say I’m about average for a woman of my height. I’m caucasian with brown hair and brown eyes, and a few freckles all over my skin. I enjoy a floral print, and I’m probably more comfortable in dresses and skirts than trousers, although at work I don’t have much of a choice. No tattoos, but I do have a couple of piercings - ears and my naval (don’t ask). I have a small scar in my right eyebrow, and a couple of marks on my back from past scrapes.

To which social class do you belong? If you’d asked me this a year ago, I would’ve said working to middle class, but I’m not too sure any more. 

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? No allergies as far as I’m aware. No diseases or physical weaknesses - I’m in (near) perfect shape.

Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed

What does your voice sound like? Like my voice? I don’t really know how to describe it. (Cue Henry shouting “whiny” in the distance)

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Too many terms of endearment probably. I use them a lot at work and that’s bled into my home life. I probably roll my eyes way too much as well.

What do you have in your pockets? Nothing because I don’t have any. You can thank the manufacturers of women’s clothing for that.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? As far as I’m aware, no. You’re probably better asking Henry or Fin this question, although I dread what that answer would be. 

Part 2: Growing Up

How would you describe your childhood in general? Wonderful. I had a really happy childhood and I know how lucky I was to have two very loving parents. They couldn’t have done any more for us than they did. 

What is your earliest memory? The day Sam was born. I remember us going to visit my mom in the hospital, and my dad left me in charge of Pip while he went to get my mom some flowers. I remember feeling so grown up being an older sister a second time.

How much schooling have you had? All of it - all the way to undergrad at college at least anyway. 

Did you enjoy school? Yeah, I liked it. I enjoyed learning a lot when I was a kid, and I still do. 

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? Through working. Studying nursing is one thing, but it’s a whole different ball game once you start on the job. You learn things that can’t be taught in a classroom.

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Probably my dad. He was always so hardworking and I knew I wanted to be like that when I grew up. Sometimes I thought he put a little too much into his work, and he could’ve spent more time with us, but I suppose all he wanted to do was provide for his family and I respect that.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? I got on pretty well with most of my family. Sam was the only one I really butted heads with. We’re just like polar opposites in some ways, but then we’re both really stubborn too. She thinks I boss her around too much, and I think she needs to take more responsibility for herself. We’re still like this with each other now.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I honestly can’t remember. Probably a teacher because my mom was one, and it was the only job I’d ever really come into contact with. 

As a child, what were your favourite activities? I played with dolls a lot, and me and my sisters would always make up games together. Embarrassingly, we’d sometimes make up dance routines to show my parents. Thank god there’s no video evidence of that.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Bossiness was the main one, which I dispute to this day, but everyone tells me I’m wrong. I was also pretty protective of my sisters too, always helping them whenever they fell over or got into any kind of scrape. I didn’t like seeing them hurt.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? Not really, no. I had a few close friends when I was a kid, but I think Pip was definitely the popular one out of the three of us. The friends I had lasted all the way through to high school though - Lillian, Maggie and Kathryn. I still see them every now and again. 

When and with whom was your first kiss? I think I was about thirteen or something. It was with some guy at school that I thought I liked. It was awful, just like a first kiss is meant to be because neither of you has a clue what you’re doing. 

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? No. I don’t remember a lot about my first time if I’m completely honest. I was at college and I just wanted to get it out of the way so I was pretty drunk when it actually happened. I don’t even remember the guy’s name...

Part 3: Past Influences

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Giving birth to Finley.

Who has had the most influence on you? Probably Henry and Fin, both for very different reasons. I changed a lot after I first met Henry, and becoming a mom has probably changed me the most throughout my whole life.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Raising Finley in a safe and stable home, and being able to watch him grow up.

What is your greatest regret? Not telling Henry how much I loved him before he left all those years ago. If I could change one thing in my life, that would be it.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I don’t think I’ve ever done anything evil. Does elbowing Henry in the balls to get out of watching a horror film count? If so, then that.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? A small one, from stupid behaviour in my twenties. 

When was the time you were the most frightened? When they first took me into the House. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my whole life.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? I can think of a million embarrassing things that have happened to me - most involving Henry.

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? Borrowing money from a loan shark while I was in college was a very stupid thing to do. But then, if I hadn’t done that stupid thing I might never have met Henry, so I probably wouldn’t change that. I’d change the moment when I decided not to tell him that I loved him. 

What is your best memory? I have two - the first time I ever held Fin, and the year that Henry decided to spend Christmas in Florida instead of with his family. 

What is your worst memory? There are way too many to recall from living in the House. We’d be here all day.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Optimist.

What is your greatest fear? Losing Henry or Fin.

What are your religious views? I’m Christian, but non-practicing.

What are your political views? Liberal.

What are your views on sex? It’s great?

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? My gut response is no, but if someone put anyone I care about in danger then that answer would quickly change to yes. I wouldn’t ever say it’s acceptable, but I’d do anything to protect the people I love.

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? I mean, murder is the obvious answer.

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Sort of, I think. I believe in love and I think that’s enough to believe in. 

What do you believe makes a successful life? Honesty, loyalty and having a strong and loving family around you, whether you come from one or you have to build your own from scratch.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? I’ve been told that I’m a bad liar, so I’d say I’m pretty honest about most things.

Do you have any biases or prejudices? Not any more, I don’t think so. Well. Maybe a little. Some rich people are still snooty and up their own asses, the Dunnes excluded.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? I can think of one thing that I keep refusing to do, but I might be slowly coming around to it. I don’t know. I can’t decide. GAH.

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Henry and Fin, without question.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? I’d like to think I treat everyone politely. I wouldn’t ever want to make anyone feel uncomfortable (unless your name is Jen Breslin).

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Finley, because he’s my son. Henry and I have to put him first all the time.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? My mom. She’s put up with my dad for over forty years and she probably deserves a medal for that. She’s also so easy-going about everything and I don’t know how she does it. 

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. I still keep in touch with my old school friends. We don’t see each other as often as we’d like because we all live in different states now, but we try. I have a few friends at work who I’ll sometimes socialise with, but I wouldn’t say I have a ‘best’ friend.

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. I do, Henry - very attractive and mostly very annoying but I love him a lot. We spend most of our lives bickering over stupid things but that’s kind of our thing now. I wouldn’t change what we have for anything else.

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Already in love and it’s going pretty well. 

What do you look for in a potential lover? I have no idea how to answer this question without me just describing Henry. 

How close are you to your family? Pretty close. I don’t see them nearly as much as I’d like to because we live at opposite ends of the country, but we see each other as much as we can.

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? Yeah, it’s just me, Henry and Fin at the moment. Not that we’re planning to expand any more.

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? I’m the idiot who chooses not to turn to anyone because she’s stubborn and thinks she can handle it. I would probably turn to Henry though.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Henry. He’s done it in the past and I’ve never had a reason not to trust him. 

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? My whole family, I hope.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? I don’t despise anyone. Jen Breslin.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I’ll be honest, I tend to argue. I’m not always very good at avoiding conflict because I like to make my opinion known. Because, let’s be honest, I’m usually right.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? That depends. I won’t dub myself leader if I have no idea what I’m doing. Surprisingly I’m good at taking orders sometimes.

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Depends on the people. I’ll do it if I have to, and I’ll always be polite, but I don’t like having to stand and listen to someone drone on about something I’m not interested in (which is what most of Henry’s mom’s dinner parties have involved...) If it’s family then I’m happy to be in a big group of them.

Do you care what others think of you? Unfortunately, yeah, I do. I know I shouldn’t care.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

What is/are your favourite hobbies and pastimes? I like gardening, although I don’t have anywhere to do that in New York. I also like reading, going for walks, watching movies, dancing badly to whatever’s on the radio.

What is your most treasured possession? A necklace my mom gave me when I was sixteen that had belonged to my grandma. I don’t really wear it much because I’m so scared of losing it or breaking it.

What is your favourite colour? Pink

What is your favourite food? Lemon cheesecake

What, if anything, do you like to read? I like thriller novels, and I love a good romance one too.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Don’t smoke, occasionally drink, and I’ve never taken drugs. I’ve never been interested in smoking or drugs, and I can definitely say that I never will be.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Sprawled out on top of Henry, forcing him to watch Dirty Dancing for the hundredth time. If Finley is out then we’d probably spend all night having sex, I’m not gonna lie.

What makes you laugh? Stupid things like people falling over - as long as they don’t actually get hurt. Successfully winding Henry up makes me laugh to.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? I’d probably be boring and just read a book or do a puzzle or something. 

How do you deal with stress? I’d like to think I deal with it pretty well. My job is quite stress-filled, but I try to stay as calm as possible. Freaking out isn’t going to do anyone any good.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? A bit of both. I like to be organised in life, but I don’t want to plan every second of every day out. I need some spontaneity for life to be exciting.

What are your pet peeves? Anything unhygienic is a no-no for me. Like people who don’t wash their hands? Gross.

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

What is your greatest strength as a person? I like to think I’m quite resilient and adaptable.

What is your greatest weakness? Always putting everyone else before myself.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? To be a little less argumentative and stubborn.

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? I actually think I’m a healthy mix of both. Maybe a tad more extroverted.

Are you generally organised or messy? Always organised.

Do you like yourself? Mostly, yeah.

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? I’ve sort of already achieved my main goal in life. I always wanted to have a family of my own and I have that. If it got a little bigger then I wouldn’t mind that, but I’m not sure if that will happen.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Dealing with a terrible teenager.

If you could choose, how would you want to die? Peacefully, in my sleep, when I’m very very old.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? Being a good mom. Helping people as much as I could. Drinking way too much coffee.

What three words best describe your personality? Affectionate, protective, intelligent.

What three words would others probably use to describe you? Stubborn, dramatic, smothering.

#cd #𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕣𝕜𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕤𝕞𝕤 [ headcanons ] #now i sleep

[fanders-fic-awards]

One Short Day (Summer Fic Comp 18)

Summary: Patton has a really bad day, so Virgil tries to help.

Trigger Warnings: The Q and F slurs. To skip them, skip the from ’“Okay,” Connor said’ to ‘Oh. Oh.’

Word Count: 2059

Ballot

Patton was having a very, very bad day. First, his coffee maker broke, spilling coffee everywhere and probably ruining his favorite sweater. Then his car wouldn’t start; thankfully, however, he had listened to Logan and gotten a portable jump starter kit that didn’t require a second car.

He pulled up to school, barely in time to start his first class of the day, which was senior-level Honors English. The bell rang, and 30 tired and unenthused seniors walked in the door.

“Good morning, class!” His greeting was met with mumbles, so he tried again, with even more pep he wasn’t at all feeling.

“What is up, everybody?”

“Hi, Mr. Sanders” came the ever-so-slightly more energetic response.

“Now, kiddos, I know it’s early on a Monday, but you can do better than that! I be-leaf in you!” Patton held up the plastic maple leaf he kept on his desk, eliciting 29 groans and 1 giggle.

“Ayy, you got me, Thomas!”

“Yeah, because you tell the same joke every day, Mr. Sanders.” The entire class laughed at Thomas’ quip, Patton included.

“Good point,” Patton ceded, pointing at him, “Get it? Good point? Also, valid observation.”

“You have cat to be kitten me. It’s too early for this bull-”

“Hey now, language! But you definitely deserve a Patt on the back for the excellent dad jokes today.”

“Was… was that a self-referential pun? To a crowd that usually doesn’t know the first names of their teachers, when you only just told us your first name last week?” Joan, Thomas’ friend, spoke up.

“Well, yeah! Why do you think I told you guys? Before that,” he said with a mischievous glint in his eye, “I was Patton pending!”

“I never thought I’d say this, but can we please get to actually learning things?” Talyn, Joan’s datemate, called from the back of the class.

“Right, as usual, Talyn,” Patton laughed, “so who has thoughts they’d like to share on the chapters of The Picture of Dorian Gray you all read over the weekend?” Silence fell, with the exception of a murmur from a boy named Connor.

Patton knew it wasn’t right for teachers to have favorite or least favorite students, but Connor was by far his least favorite. Connor was the kind of student who put no effort into understanding the material and then complained that he didn’t get it, that it was boring. Patton frankly couldn’t understand why he was taking an honors course, and nothing he said or did seemed to get through to the kid. And that’s what bugged Patton the most. Every no-effort paper, every barely passed test, felt like a personal failure to Patton. He was responsible for his students and their success. At the end of the day, however, he knew that learning is communication, and communication is a two-way street. He didn’t dislike Connor as a person, of course, he was simply sad and frustrated by his apathy towards his education.

“What was that, Connor?”

“N- nothing, Mr. Sanders.”

“Now, kiddo, we both know that’s not true. Your thoughts are as important and valid as anyone else’s. So, please, share them with us.” Patton’s voice was firm, making it clear he wouldn’t accept ‘no’ for an answer.

“Okay,” Connor said, a challenging smirk on his face, “I think that this book is a waste of our time and that no one cares what a dusty old queer had to say about other faggots over a hundred years ago.”

Oh. Oh. Patton’s chest got tight and he briefly saw red before he remembered where he was. He noticed at least five students flinch at the slur and realized he had been presented an opportunity to make a real difference in his students’ lives. Patton took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts before beginning.

“Thank you for your honest input, Mr. Williams. While your phrasing was incredibly offensive, and we will have a serious conversation with the principal after class about your use of those slurs, you bring up a point that warrants discussion, one that has occurred in countless English courses.

Why should we care? What did this novel add to the world, and does the author’s background add or remove weight from their work? I was going to discuss Oscar Wilde’s sexuality and the homosexual themes throughout the novel after we finished reading it, but since Connor brought it up, this seems like a perfect time.

Before I start lecturing, I want to know if any of you have things you’d like to add to the discussion. Yes, even you, Connor, provided you phrase your comments more carefully.” Patton paused, giving his students time to speak up if they wanted to. He was immensely relieved when a usually very quiet girl named Samantha rose her hand.

“Yes, Samantha, the floor is yours.”

“Oh, um, I just wanted to say that I think it was really brave of Oscar Wilde. I feel like the book is about vice and, um, how it destroys people, even if you- if you can’t tell by looking at them. The fact that it’s Basil Hallward who is explicitly gay is really important. Other authors might have added being gay to the list of 'sins’ Dorian Gray is guilty of, but Wilde makes Hallward something of a tragedy.

The portrait is basically the product of Hallward’s sexuality, a representation of it. Gray destroys it and then kills Hallward, which by could be interpreted out of context as a 'punishment’ for Hallward being gay. And while killing the gay character is a tragically common trope, that’s not what Wilde wrote. Because it’s Gray who killed him, it can be argued that acting the way he did is yet another example of the debauchery that causes not only his death but in the end makes him as ugly as he always feared he’d become.

Sorry, I know you hadn’t assigned that far, but I really liked the book and needed to know how it ended. And, uh, sorry for talking so much.”

“Samantha, please do not apologize for any of that. That was very well put and almost every point I was going to make.” Patton wanted to comment that he noticed her voice getting stronger and more sure as she talked, but he didn’t want to embarrass her.

“Oh, um, thanks, Mr. Sanders.”

“Mr. Sanders, what are the 'other points’ you wanted to make?” Joan asked, who had been giving Connor a murderous glare the entire time.

“Before I answer, is there anything anyone else would like to say?” Patton waited for anyone to speak up, but when no one did, he continued, “I want to discuss the larger picture. But we’ll have to table that for another day since the bell is about to ring. If you want to read ahead, please do, but I’m not going to assign another chapter for tomorrow- all I ask is that you come prepared for a discussion of notable LGBT+ authors and how their identity shaped their works, such as William Shakespeare, Truman Capote, Emily Dickinson, and Tennessee Williams. Wow me with what you bring in and there are extra credit points in it for you! Have a wonderful day, and I look forward to our discussion tomorrow. Connor, a word, please.”

—-

Virgil came home to complete chaos. There was a mess of tangled fairy lights on the couch, and it looked like there was an explosion of flour in the kitchen.

“God, Pat, you are lucky I love you. What’s up with all the messes?” Virgil called out, laughing fondly at his chaotic energetic boyfriend.

“Oh hi, my love! I meant to have it all cleaned up by the time you got home. Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess! How was your day?”

“It was really good. Got a really big breakthrough with the couple I told you I’ve been struggling so much with- I think they’re gonna get somewhere really healthy.”

“Oh my goodness, that’s so great! We have to celebrate- as it so happens, I made chocolate cake, and was gonna make stroganoff for dinner.”

“Pat, it’s my turn to cook, remember? You spoil me too- shit. I can’t believe I missed it. What’s wrong, sunshine?”

“Nothing, Virge. I just wanted to do something sweet for my sweetie!”

“Please let me in, love. Can I help?”

“I- I don’t know, and I didn’t want to worry you. It’s just been a really rough day.”

“Let’s make a deal. Let’s make lasagna together while you tell me what’s up, and then I’ll draw you a bubble bath and we’ll watch 8 Mile?”

“Not 8 Mile, not tonight. Make it the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, and I’m in.”

“As you wish, Patton-cake.”

“I love you too, dork.”

The two men got busy making lasagna, singing and sort-of dancing as they cooked. When they put the dish in the oven, Patton started talking.

“V, it was a hell of a day. The coffee pot broke, and I spilled coffee all over my sweater, and I really need to call your brother and thank him for the advice about the jumper kit. Without it, I wouldn’t have gotten to work on time. But that was little stuff, and you know me, I brushed it off and was really excited to talk with my kiddos about The Picture of Dorian Gray. And class started really well, you’d have died at how they kept the pun train rolling. I love them all so much. I’ve talked to you about Connor before, right?”

“I think so. Total slacker, could be one of the best students in the class if he gave a damn?”

“Yep, that’s the kid. He dropped the f and q slurs a couple of times complaining about the book.”

“Oh my god Patton are you okay? What happened? Did the kid get his ass handed to him like he deserves?”

“Breathe, Virgil. It’s all okay. He’s got detention for 2 weeks, his parents know and are pissed, and I was able to turn it into a good teaching moment. Well, technically, Samantha did.”

“Quiet Samantha?”

“Yeah, she had some incredible insights into the book and how it deals with sexuality and morality. She apparently read ahead and finished the book, so she was able to tie in Gray’s death too.

It was incredible to watch. She’s so quiet and started out so unsure, but by the end, she was so confident, I almost cried.”

“You cry at everything, Pat. Don’t argue- you cried last week because snakes don’t have legs. For real, though, that’s amazing. You are amazing.”

“It was all her!”

“No, it wasn’t. I was just like Samantha in school. I had so many things to say, but I was terrified of being wrong, so I said nothing. Except in classes where I completely trusted the teacher, where I knew my ideas would be really heard, not just listened to, and respected. Teachers like that, teachers like you, change the world. I guarantee that Samantha will never forget today, and neither will any LGBT+ kid in that class.

God, Patton, you change lives. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and it blows my mind that somehow you think I’m worthy of your love. Every day, I try to be someone you can be proud of, and I want to keep doing it for the rest of our lives.” Virgil slipped out of his chair and onto one knee, pulling a small velvet box out of his jacket pocket.

“Patton Sanders, at the risk of sounding cliché as hell, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

“Virgil… my sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling, I couldn’t do any of what I do without you. You’re as important to me as air or puppies. You make me want to be the best version of me, and there is nothing I want more than to marry you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes! Virgil Raine, I absolutely will marry you!” Crying, Patton pulled Virgil up and kissed his fiancé. “Now, let’s have some engagement lasagna and take an engagement bubble bath!”

“You’re such a dork. I love you so fucking much.”

“I hope you do, 'cuz we’re getting married!”

“That we are,” Virgil chuckled, tears in his eyes as well.

 @mystrangedarkson

[succubused]

truncated

//thanks to @shepgarrus who was the source of at least 70% of the conceptual framework for this

——

Hey, it’s me. Sorry I took so long to get back to you, it’s been. Well, I think I’d better tell you in person. You planning on coming back to the Citadel after this mission? I’m kind of jealous, I have to say. You’re out there blowing things up without me, and I’m down here, well. You know how C-Sec is. Tripping over red tape.

——

“Garrus?”

“Yeah?”

“You all right?”

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine.”

Her expression says a lot of things, and not one of them is I believe you.

“Really,” Garrus groans as he stretches out muscles cramped from hours hunched over a desk, typing fierce pleas into mountains of paperwork in a last-ditch attempt to get the clearance necessary to do his job. Of course, it has become apparent lately that Garrus and his employers hold vastly different ideas about what his job is. “It was just a long week.”

“You’re not your dad, you know,” she says. “He was cut out for this job. I’m not sure you are.”

Garrus chuckles. “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

“It isn’t a good or a bad thing. It’s just you. You hate C-Sec.” His mother shakes her head. “I never understood why you even took the job here in the first place.”

“Yeah…sometimes I don’t understand it, either.” He knocks back his glass of drossix in a single gulp and looks down at his hands. “Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask your opinion on. Semi-related.”

——

Sorry, you said you were bored. I think your words were “send me a message with a stupid joke or a dumb story or something because I swear I am about to lose my goddamn mind.” You trying to say you miss me, Shepard? That’s sweet. Actually, there was something I’ve been meaning to ask your opinion on. Semi-related.

——

“Yes?” She lowers her arm mid-waving down the waiter and looks at him seriously. If there was one thing about his mother that never changed, it was her ability to hold liquor. She’d had three glasses and she was barely even blinking. “What’s going on, Garrus?”

“Well, you know—”

“Spit it out.”

“Remember that ship I was on last year? The Normandy?”

“The Alliance ship.”

“Technically we were operating under the Council, but yeah.” He chuckles to himself, remembering the smirk Shepard wore coming out of the comm room that meant she’d just hung up on said Council. “Captain was a human. Shepard.”

“I remember her, yes. The Spectre.”

“Yeah, that’s her.” He traces the rim of his glass with the tip of a finger. “I mean, you know I’m frustrated with C-Sec.”

“I do.”

“And I felt like—I don’t know—when I actually had autonomy, with Shepard, I felt like what I did mattered more. I was able to help people more when I didn’t have to get fifteen different documents notarized to prove that giving said help wouldn’t cause an intergalactic political crisis.”

“Coming back here was never going to go well,” his mother comments after a pause.

“You’re probably right.” Garrus sighs.

——

But first, dumb story. Okay. Let me think. Okay, I saw, two of my coworkers, an elcor play a prank on a volus a couple of days ago. An actual prank. You know, for a species that can exclusively speak in a monotone, those guys really can hold grudges. And they’re petty, too. So this volus, he’d been making fun of the elcor every time she spoke, repeating whatever emotional indicators she was using sarcastically, basically just mocking her, you know? And she took it pretty well, I couldn’t even tell she was getting mad. I mean, I wouldn’t have been able to tell, unless she decided to let me know, I guess. Anyway, this volus, he’s pretty damn spherical, and has terrible balance to boot. So when he falls, he can’t stand up without help. And she’d seen this happen a few times, we all had.

But one day, guy had to come in early to get some paperwork or something done, I don’t know what the details were. But I do know that the elcor was on the security cameras leaving the office about 30 minutes before the volus got in, and 2 hours later we found him on the floor, yelling and rolling around with his arms and legs in the air because he’d slipped in—she used a human thing—olive oil, I think? You’d know what it was. I really wish I’d recorded it, you’d have thought it was great, especially since this volus is an ass. Of course he accused the elcor, but they couldn’t prove anything after I doctored the security footage. And don’t tell me you didn’t know I’d done that as soon as I mentioned the cameras. Of course I did.

——

“You want to ask her if you can rejoin the Normandy crew.”

Garrus blinks and looks at his mother. “I—”

“It’s not hard to see,” she says, a note of amusement in her voice. “You were happy there. You were in constant mortal danger and you were having the time of your life. I could hear it in the voice messages you left.”

——

It’s true. Of course it’s true. He misses it. He misses them. He really misses Shepard’s stupid jokes, like the time she’d tried to imagine what it would be like for them to try to speak to each other without translators and laughed so hard she made herself cry thinking about how it would sound. And he had been worried, because everything he knew about human physiology said they only cried when something was wrong.

Shepard had just laughed even harder at the expression on his face. “No,” she’d choked out finally. “No, they’re, good tears. Good ones.”

“I thought you guys only cried when you were upset.”

“Nah. I mean, no, we do, but this is different. Different molecular compositions of the tears, even, I read that once. Can you imagine that? Sad tears and angry tears and laughter tears all have different molecular compositions?”

——

“I just…I think it was the right fit for me. I was going to bring it up with her as soon as she gets back from this latest mission, with the geth, but I wanted—well, you know. Wanted to see what you thought.” He shrugs.

His mother laughs, mandibles flicking downward. “What I think? I think you’re an idiot for not doing this earlier. Go for it.”

“But Dad—”

“Your father won’t benefit from his son suffering in a job he’ll never be right for, and he won’t be any worse off for his son serving on a ship that fits him like a glove. He’ll live.”

Relief sweeps through him in a heavy wave. Maybe he’d just needed to hear someone he trusted say that it was a good idea and that he wasn’t completely unhinged for thinking of asking permission to join the crew of an Alliance vessel.

——

Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was

——

“You’re getting a message.”

“Am I?” He looks down at his omnitool. Captain Anderson?

Normandy destroyed. Shepard dead. Don’t believe what you hear on the news. Stand by for more info.

He actually laughs. Disbelief. “That’s not possible.”

“What’s not possible?”

And then every screen in the bar shifts to a photo of the Normandy.

“…that the Normandy SR-1 has been confirmed destroyed in action…”

“The Normandy?” His mother stares up at the image of the ship. “Isn’t that…?”

“Yeah,” he croaks. “Yeah. It is.”

The phrasing only has one translation—

“…upon encountering unknown weapons systems that annihilated the ship’s defenses. The Normandy was operating in search of geth in the system, but it is currently unknown if they or any cohesive faction of a species are responsible for the decimation of the ship.”

—no survivors.

Destroyed. Annihilated. Decimated.

“Oh, Garrus,” his mother breathes. “Oh, no.”

“Mom,” he mutters. ”I—“

His entire body has gone numb. He drops his head into his hands. He can’t look at her.

“They haven’t said anything about the crew,” she says quietly.

“The crew?” Garrus doesn’t realize why he’s shaking until it’s too late to not ask the question. He hadn’t realized that he didn’t believe Anderson until he said it out loud.

“You don’t know anything for sure.”

A bright lancet of hope shoots through his chest.

“You’re right. Yeah. You’re, you’re right.”

He flinches when a second message comes in, expecting Captain Anderson, but it isn’t. It’s from Joker.

Joker was on the ship.

He almost doesn’t open it, wants to exist forever in this liminal space in which he is still permitted the cruel luxury of hope.

“What is it?” his mother asks, her eyes dark and worried. He wishes she wasn’t here to see this. He wishes he wasn’t here to see this. Every set of eyes in the bar is on those screens, as if they know that this is the end of the world, as if they have the slightest idea of how to care.

It’s a voice message, hoarse and cracked, but recognizable.

“Hey, Garrus. Uh, by now you probably, well, I don’t know if it’s on the news yet, but. It probably is, so. I’m, I’m off the ship right now, I’m okay, but…it was really bad down there, Garrus, you have to understand.”

The guilt in his voice turns Garrus’s blood to ice.

“Most of the crew escaped. Made it to the pods in time.”

Oh, thank—

“But Shepard…”

No.

“No,” he says hoarsely, out loud. As though Joker could hear him. As though refusing it could make it a lie, bring her back, he already knows what Joker is about to say. It’s like he’s dreamed of it before, like he’s already felt this before in a million truncated lifetimes, frozen solid by the horror in this disaster that was knowing the truth.

“It’s my fault, Garrus. I wouldn’t leave the, the, I thought I could save her. The ship, I mean. I wouldn’t get up. They tried to get me to move and I wouldn’t go and Shepard, she knew if I stayed I was done for and so she came and she fucking dragged me out of there, she came back for me.”

Of course you did.

“And she got me into an escape pod…”

But you didn’t think of yourself.

“But she—god, oh my God, it’s my fault—Trinity was spaced.”

Trinity.

He slams pause on the recording. He’s breathing too quickly.

“Garrus,” says his mother softly, the edge that so frequently sharpens her voice dissolved. He’d almost forgotten she was there.

“I can’t.” He shakes his head hard. “I can’t, Mom.”

A long moment of unbearable silence. Garrus restarts the message.

“Her suit was transmitting to the black box, I, I have the data. I wanted to believe she…but her suit…it malfunctioned. The oxygen systems went offline, life support failed a few moments later. She’s gone.”

Gone.

Trinity.

No.

“I’m sorry, Garrus,” his mother says. “I know you were close.”

“She’s my best friend,” he croaks.

Was.

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

Distantly he notices his mother has placed her hand on his arm. She’s watching him, saying something, the worry on her face unbearable. It’s as though he’s deep underwater, so deep the pressure is liable to crack his skull, and she’s on the surface, trying to reach him, but he can’t hear, and even if he could, he wouldn’t care, and all he can think about is that last message, the one she’d never hear. Cut off before he could finish. He had been about to ask her about the Normandy.

If I’d brought it up earlier, would I have been there? Would it have been me choking alone in the dark, Shepard in the escape pod? Could I have stopped this?

The screens have begun flashing Shepard’s picture in place of the Normandy’s, one that they took of her when she became a Spectre that she hated; she was always complaining that it “misrepresented her as some kind of uptight bitch.”

“…we now receive confirmation that Commander Trinity Shepard of the Alliance Military, Captain of the Normandy SR-1 and first human Spectre, has been declared missing in action and presumed dead.”

“Listen, there’s one more—we’re about to get picked up, so I have to, in a second, but we were getting data from her—from Trinity’s suit up until the—the backup systems failed. And we found…after she was spaced she…she was listening to an audio message. Her last command to the suit’s VI was to play it.”

Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was...

“It was from you. I thought you’d want to know.”

——

——

Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was about the Normandy. I’ve been thinking it might be a good idea for me to rejoin the crew, if you’re up for it. I know it’s an Alliance ship, but if you’re there, I don’t really care about that. I know I can work with you, and I know I can work with you well. And I felt like I did more good in the few months on that ship than I did in my whole damn C-Sec career and I really can’t justify going back to paper-pushing when I know you’re out there kicking ass without me. Like I said, it’s probably a better idea for us to talk about this in person, so let me know when you’re back at the Citadel. I’ll buy you a drink. Not drossix, though. I know you keep saying you want to try it but when we say it’ll explode your insides, we really aren’t exaggerating.

So, yeah. Come back safe. I’ll see you soon.

#mass effect #shakarian #commander shepard #garrus vakarian #femshep #i uhhhhh dont know what else to put #im back on my bullshit and im gonna be late for work because of this #punch me in the teeth #posts