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#i've gone through everything i can to be like 'ok whats triggering me whats making me feel like shit'
marigoldstereo · 1 year
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beginning to think i might need to get reevaluated
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SUCCESS STORY (manifesting)
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OMFG you guys! I did it! I made it to my desired reality! I'm living my desired life!
All I did was decide it's done. More specifically, I just did Angel's fulfillment challenge (which you don't have to do). Everyday I just decided to live like I was in my desired reality right now as often as I could and whenever I wanted to.
If I vented, I vented. If I ranted I ranted. If I sabotaged my manifestation I just decided it wouldn't matter and that nothing would ruin my manifestation and everything was ok and fine.
And this is totally optional but I affirmed sometimes. I just did to remind myself that it was done.
My affirmations were:
-I'm living my desired life
-Nothing can ruin my manifestation
-I'm in my desired reality
-I'm in my desired reality in my penthouse in Tokyo
-I have all my desires
-The 3D conforms instantly
And it worked! And now I'm happy! I woke up today IN my penthouse in Tokyo! The view of the city is amazing. I checked my bank account and it turns out I'm super rich! Like I literally have BILLIONS of dollars. And it's like I always get millions of dollars out of nowhere! So it's like I get paid just to exist!
Also life in this reality is soooooooo different than on Earth. Like the people in the city are nice... but they aren't just humans beings. I'm seeing Japanese monsters walking around wearing uggs! I can also see Godzilla walking around in a place in the city it's so cool! (don't worry, they made a place in the city specifically for her)
I can also enter the void anytime I fall asleep. Like everytime I go to sleep I wake up IN the void state completely aware. I know this because I just decided I would go to sleep and I did! (one of the things I also manifested, to fall asleep instantly)
And guess what? I also revised my ENTIRE life. Like all the shitty, terrible things that happened to me and all the awful things I've done are GONE! They never happened. All the arguments I had with people on Youtube are gone, they never happened. I never met those people. All the people who I argued with on Discord, well I never argued with them. All the problems with my family are gone.
I also have new memories of me being in Highschool. It went great! I made some friends, they never got angry at me, I got to play my videogames, and I never had to deal with any kind of stress. And I also have my college degree even though I never went to college.
Also let me show you what I look like:
This body:
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This is my hairstyle (except it's white colored):
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This is my face (trigger warning: AI art, also dw I'm black):
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And I'm like popular on Twitter. I'm as popular as @rariatoo. People follow my art and they love drawing my OCs and characters, it's so much fun. Plus I have a patreon and a redbubble. I get to make my OCs as plushies and stickers and ship them off.
And the best part is that there's no wars! No covid, no genocide in the Congo or Palestine, no racism, no problems. And there never will be, everything is fine! Its literally a Utopia.
Summary of what I manifested:
-Desired life & reality
-Freezing Time
-Revising entire life
-Different family (same soul but different looks (slightly) and better personality)
-Entering the void whenever I fall asleep and at will
-A butler friend who I can summon and make disappear at will (he's super nice and never have any problems, perfect personality, kinda shy, and we just had some woopie 🥵🤪)
-Magic (I can do LOTS of crazy stuff)
-Being able to shift realities at will
-Visiting my family through a magic door (my family lives in what I call, "Reality # 3 and I can visit them anytime I want)
-Spawning groceries and food whenever I want (I still go out, dw)
-Friends on discord and some IRL
-Money money monayyyyyyyyyyy
-Perfect health and mental health, no problems with my body
-Never getting yelled at ever again or abused/nobody gets abused/abuse doesn't exist. Yellers don't exist.
& a lot of other personal things
You guys got this! You can get your dream life! Go for it! *I didn't get my dream life yet, that's why the title reads:
"SUCCESS STORY (𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴)" When you put "manifesting in the title it means you haven't gotten your desires yet but you're doing it to help you live in the end. SO please don't be angry or offended.*
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Ok, you don't have to post this if you feel like it's too much, but I just needed to get this rant out about Robert Manion (not censoring so people who have it filtered can avoid it).
When I joined the fandom in 2019 ne was basically the fandom's darling, every fifth post in the tag was about him or his characters and it was hard to find a tgwdlm song ranking that didn't have SSN in the top 3. I wasn't a huge fan of him, mostly because I'm ace and didn't find him attractive, but I'm not going to lie and pretend like I always hated him. I thought he seemed like a nice enough guy, as did most other people in the fandom. I didn't have twitter at the time, so I didn't see any of the stuff he did there, but I did hear some of it on here which made me not like him as much, but for the most part I ignored it.
It's his actions around the sexual harassment incident that still makes my blood boil when I think about it. To me his apology post came off less as a sincere apology from someone who recognised how shitty he was and more like he was trying to make himself seem like such a good person for acknowledging that he was wrong. It came at such a shitty time for fans too, since everyone who clicked on his insta stories would have been expecting something about NMT 2 but instead got hit with something so heavy and potentially triggering. It was probably the worst day I've ever had in the fandom, as the fallout was intense and the few days before SK officially addressed the issue were actually stressful.
I know we don't know everything that happened behind the scenes, nor are we entitled to, but it definitely seems like Rob did not take being kicked out of Starkid permanently after NMT2 well. He had a whole year between his post and when he went on Tik Tok live to talk about his side of the story, but chose to do it only during the duration of the Starkid Returns kickstarter, when it became clear he wasn't going to be invited back. I know he made some pretty serious claims against SK, and I wouldn't normally dismiss something like that, but the fact that he also tried to play off his harassment as a joke that others made into a bigger deal than it was makes me so mad. Also, some of the stuff he said, like claiming that Dylan gets too many solos and calling them cringey for being in their 30s and still singing some of their older songs, just came off as pure pettiness and spite, and like he wanted to discourage the few fans he still had from giving to the campaign, especially since he stopped when it ended.
Honestly there isn't really a big point to this, I just felt like I needed to get my frustration off my chest. I was watching tgwdlm with friends yesterday and it was so hard for me to get through SSN remembering all of this. I just hope that he stays gone and doesn't try to pull anymore shit during the next kickstarter. Also, I hope all the fans who were seriously hurt by what happened are doing better now.
~~~
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goldensunset · 6 months
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mili anon (again. sorry) and i feel i should've been a bit more clear there was a reason i didn't mention love town when i mentioned "For a Place of Love" (well according to the fandom 2 reasons but primarily this one) and that's because i honestly really enjoy the perspective of someone listening to the songs made for Library of Ruina without actually having the in-game context. It's a pleasant source of evidence that the songs stand strong enough on their own while also being extremely fascinating to me who got into mili through LoR to see the different perspective.
To be honest I kinda ran out of steam after seeing how long that last ask was so I didn't get to cover some of the non-LoR mili songs I really like, like Bathtub Mermaid which is a very gruesome song (like major major trigger warning of self-harm) of giving everything you have up to someone else and molding oneself to fit someone else's needs,,, i love the lyrics where even the song's subject is like "i'll embrace everything good about you... and then squeeze out all the bad things" it really makes you think about who is all this destructive devotion really for? what is even left at the end? aughhhh
(anyways sorry again about how long this has gotten, and the whole "we don't talk about love town" is a blatant lie. from what i've observed LoR fans can't seem to shut up about love town lmao)
ok yes though!!! absolutely!!! like i am aware there’s a story here but i’d actually rather just garner it from the context of the song as opposed to necessarily getting into the media. it’s a fun activity. like musicals that you don’t intend to ever watch but that you love the songs from and you’re like listening closely to the lyrics to figure things out. and i think all these mili songs are so good and well written that you can easily enjoy them without even being aware they’re from media. absolutely fantastic
and yeeeAAAAAAh bathtub mermaid is a favorite of mine too bc i like Wasn’t expecting that. like after a lot of more energetic songs it’s like oh suddenly we have this quiet haunting piano lament?? about like someone committing themselves way too far to an abusive relationship and just wanting to keep hurting themselves because they’ll do anything for that person’s attention including giving up everything they are. like man it gets dark in there. like so many mili songs it’s like uh what’s up with the title lol sounds a bit silly but nope it’s actually pretty genius. using the metaphor of a mermaid who should be free and beautiful but being kept in a tiny little bathtub and constantly in pain. y’know. yeah i love that song it’s so pretty and sad and blorbo-ifiable
ok if we’re on the topic of other ones. how about ‘ga1ahad and scientific witchery’? super fun one. i would love to watch someone piece together an entire original story based on it. i’m getting like this love-hate relationship between a witch and a (cyborg?) knight. who keep killing each other but coming back to life (out of undying hate? out of a commitment to each other? not wanting to kill each other but they’re supposed to be enemies so they’ll fulfill their duty?) whatever’s happening there i love this one it’s a lot of fun. featuring such lines as ‘rise from bed my darling, so i can see you again/so i can kill you again’ and ‘kiss me tenderly gently violently’. bangers. and it’s pretty interesting bc the song doesn’t really have a solid structure or repeating pattern it’s kinda just like each section is a new thing entirely and you think it’s gonna end at this one part but it doesn’t but then when it does end you weren’t expecting it lol.
hm what other ones. shoutout to ‘summoning 101’. girl tries to summon furry at 3am (GONE WRONG) but they still make it genuinely romantic somehow
‘with a billion worldful of love’ is underrated imo. genuine beat drop. and ‘i’m sure next life you’ll love me too’ is excellent blorbo material
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i-likefrogs · 8 months
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Curses - the crane wives
Trauma dump -
Ok, I've been listening to this song on repeat. People keep saying this song is about a murderer, but all I can hear is my religious trauma. I've never been mentally stable cause of religion. It hurt me far before I even knew it could. I won't go into detail cause this'll get fucked up really fast. But yeah, I've never felt whole.
"Will you stay with me my darling when my walls start burning down" really describes how scared I was when I had to start opening up to my ex. Especially when one of my triggers was coming up and I couldn't avoid it. I knew I was going to be a mess. I was so scared she would leave. That she wouldn't want anything to do with me after I opened up. But she didn't. She was so sweet and so understanding. I'll never be able to thank her enough.
"All my aching bones are trembling and I may yet fall apart" trauma is exhausting. Keeping it all inside is so incredibly hard. Keeping a straight face and maintaining control while listening to your triggers is a nightmare. And one day, you'll crack. You can't keep it there forever. Before that, the feeling is like you're always shaking. Then, you just break. Completely and wholly, and you're left to pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. A fucked up humpty dumpty.
"Echoing where my ghosts all used to be" "there's still cobwebs in the corner and the backyards full of bones". The line about ghosts reminds me of the feeling after you open up. Like this part of you that you've carried for so long is gone, and while nice, it just feels wrong. Like part of you is missing. The other lines also reflect this. The part of you that you keep hidden can feel like an abandoned house. It needs care, love, help, ANYTHING but the room stays locked and no one goes in. The bones remind me of skeletons in the closet. Though more concealed. Again, when I met my ex, through most of the time we were dating, I kept that part of myself from her. Hell even now that we're just friends I keep most of that from her. Cause if I let on too much, she might leave. Or worse, the knowledge could hurt her. I can't live with that, so I keep my skeletons hidden.
"The devils after both of us" FUCK! Those who have religious trauma know what I'm talking about here. I grew up being told that everything about me was sinful and I was going to hell. I constantly looked over my shoulder. Constantly thinking that the devil was after me (not physically exactly. More metaphorically) and when my brother was born, I thought I was going to bring him down with me. Hence "both of us" I got to the point where I didn't care if I went down, I was going to protect him. This resulted in some pretty fucked up things I started when I was 9.
"Tell me I am good enough" do I even need to say anything?
There is so much about this song that reminds me of my life and the people in it. So yeah, turns out a song about a serial killer can describe my trauma. This song is wonderful and makes me feel so understood. If you hadn't listened to it, you definitely should. Thanks for reading this mess. Love yall ❤️
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Don't tell SCP 049
Day 5
Scp 035 was in one of the foundation's lounge rooms, having a pile of different objects next to him, seeming to be putting something together in the center of the room.
035: hm... needs more black paint... *starts going through the pile of stuff*
From the wall behind him a black portal apears and out the portal come scp 106. Half of his body exits the portal as he watches 035 pull out a black spray paint can from the pile and spray paint whatever it is he made.
106: uh... what... the hell... is that? *points at whatever 035 is making*
035: oh this?
In front of 035 is scp 173, partly spray painted black and half a plague doctor's mask covering over where their mouth would be. There was also a black cloth tied around 173's neck, simulating that of a cloak and a hood.
035: Why, I'm making a temporary replacement for the doctor.
106: *raises brow* ... why?
035: well you see here Larry, it's just not the same doing fun and outgoing things when there isn't anyone around to tell you to not do those fun and outgoing things. So, I've come up with a temporary solution!
106: ... by replacing the doctor with 173 in his clothing?
035: yes well technically mimicry of his hide or skin or however it's called. But yes! Pretty much old chap!
106: ... *looks at the sculpture* .... *then back at 035* ... you are aware 173 doesn't, oh I don't know... talk!
035: he doesn't have to! That's the beauty of it, because sometimes the doctor gives me the silent treatment anyways!
106: Ok? ... so, how is he just... staying in one place anyway this whole entire conversation?
035: oh! Because Jay is still ducked taped onto the ceiling from a few days ago still. *he points to the ceiling where 049-J is*
049-J: *staring intensely at 173 and sweating profusely* . . . C-Can I stop now please?
035: unless you wanna die by neck breaking... keep. Your. Damn. Eyes on him!
049-J: oh bother...
106: oh ya forgot we did that...
035: ya. *fimshes the spray paint on 173* and done! *takes a step back to view his work* What do you think!?
106: *looks at 173*
173: ...
106: ... well now he just looks like a peanut with a beak on it dressed in black.
035: close enough! Now! We just-
Just then scp-096 came walking into the room his back hunched over to get through the door; a paperbag accompanying him over his head to keep everyone safe from triggering his rage state.
035: ah! Shy! You just in time to meet the temporary replacement doctor!
096: ? *looks over at 173* ...
173: ...
096: ...
173: ...
096: ...
049-J: *struggling to keep his eyes open* ugh- *blinks* uh oh!
173: *is now a foot closer to 096*
096: *whimpers loudly and shaking his head in fear* *starts back tracking out the door into a speed walk*
035: damn it, Jay! I said don't blin-!
035: . . .
Suddenly the power goes out as a voice over the intercom lets everyone know that the power to the light would be temporarily shut down and that everything would be ok so long as the scps were in their cells. Once the lights turned back on, 173 had disappeared from the room. Everyone in the room had gone silent.
106: ...
049-J: ... I didn't do it!
035: ah crap.
The alarms then start to go off as the intercom changed to a voice of calm to panic.
Intercom: "Attention scp-173 has escapes containment! Currently it's uh- ... A-Am I reading this right? Uh... Currently dressed up as a... plague doctor?"
106: ...
035: ...
049-J: ...
035: ... Don't Tell Doc.
106: Yep.
035: can I go into your-
106: nope! *goes back into his pocket dimension*
035: ... sh*t! *runs out of the room*
049-J: uhm... hello? ... help...
Don't Tell SCP 049
Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 Current |
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reds-ramblings · 2 years
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Oh look I finally finished Part 20. Actually this is shorter than what it was supposed to be but I decided to brake it up into two parts just so I could post something.
TW: mentioning of blood, and murder
Hope in Tragedy - Part 20
MC's P.O.V.
"I got more cleaning supplies like you asked." Jared says, walking into the kitchen where I'm deep cleaning for the third time. I got the all-clear to go back into the house last night, and I've been cleaning ever since.
"Thank you!" I say, grabbing the bags from him.
"MC, you've cleaned everything multiple times. I think it's good now." He says.
"The blood may be gone, but I can still feel his presence in this house. I can still smell his cologne. I can still smell the gunpowder from me pulling the trigger. I can still feel his hands on me. I relive it every time I close my eyes." I start to break down again.
"Hey," he says, walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me. "It's going to be ok. You've been through a traumatic experience, and all of that is normal under the circumstances, but no amount of cleaning is going to change it. So, how about you get some rest?"
"No, I know cleaning isn't going to help, but it makes me feel better to clean, so just let me clean." I manage to say between sobs.
"Alright, ok, you want me to help you?" He asks, and I nod. He picks up a bottle of cleaner and a roll of paper towels. "Where do you want me to start?"
"Can you clean the hallway? I feel like there's probably blood embedded into the carpet that we just can't see." I tell him cringing at the thought.
"On it." He says and turns to walk out.
"Wait!" I grab his arm, causing him to turn back to me. "Let's just rip the carpet up. I've been wanting to change it anyway; this just gives me an excuse."
Jared grabs two box cutters from a drawer and hands one to me. " Let's do this." He says.
"Jake still in jail?" I ask as I bend down and start cutting the carpet.
"Last I heard he was."
"Good." I stop cutting and look up at Jared. "You know, I should go post his bail just to cuss him out."
"Yeah, I would have to advise against that." He says, laughing.
I pull the carpet back to reveal the blood-stained subfloor underneath. "Ahhhh!" I scream out of frustration.
"I'll get the bleach." He says, getting up and walking into the kitchen. Just then, I hear my phone ring. "It's Chase you want me to answer?" He yells from the other room.
"Absolutely not!"
"He's your brother; you can't just shut him out forever." He says, walking over and handing me a bottle of bleach cleaner.
"Watch me." I say, grabbing the bleach from him.
"You're all each other has. You're going to have to get over this." He says, furrowing his brows.
"Well, we have you, and luckily, you still love both of us."
We successfully remove the carpet and start to work on getting the blood out of the wood when my phone starts ringing again. I stand up mumbling profanities under my breath before picking the phone up off the counter and answering without even looking at the caller ID.
"I swear if you call me one more am blocking your number! I am not even joking, Chase! Don't try me." I say angrily into the phone and start to hang up but before I can pull the phone away from my ear I hear a woman speak.
"Umm, ma'am?" She says and I quickly look at the screen and see my lawyer's number.
"Shit, Mrs. Hines, I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else. Please tell me you have good news." I say.
"Well, we were able to find the rest of the recorded conversation. Can you meet me at the DA's office in like 15 minutes?"
"Yes, absolutely I'll head that way now." I tell her before disconnecting.
"That was the lawyer. They found the rest of the recording where we supposedly planned everything. Hopefully, they'll be able to see it's all a lie." I tell Jared.
"Good, you need me to go with you?" He asks.
"No, it's time for me to be a big girl and handle this myself."
"Alright, I'll stay here and do a little more cleaning just to help put your mind at ease."
"You're the best, Jared!" I say walking out the door. I go to get in the car and feel my phone vibrating. I look at the screen to see Jefferson County Jail on the screen. I roll my eyes and press decline. I am not in the mood to talk to Tristan, Jake, or whoever else he decides to be today.
I meet my lawyer put front and we walk into the DA's office together. The DA, an older heavy-set man with balding hair, is sitting behind the desk. He looks up at us with a smirk.
"Hello, Mrs. Hines, have you come to make a deal?" He asks.
"Not we are here to request the charges to be dropped."
"On what grounds?"
"We found the rest of the recording. It shows not only did my client not know that Tristan was Jake but that the clear act of self-defense was not planned as the original piece of the recording suggested." She tells him.
"Alright, let's hear it."
She explains that the audio was turned off on the camera in the room but the video was not. She also said there was a camera right outside the door that picked up the audio. She was able to sync the audio and video to tell the whole story. She hits play on the computer in front of us and we watch the screen as I angrily walk into the room and tell them about the man asking questions. Chase tells me the man is responsible for Jake's death and I watch as Tristan grabs me and holds me to stop me from storming out. It's so odd to see this playing out on the screen before me. Seeing the way he's holding me makes me want to scream. Part of me wishes we could go back to that but another part is angry we even got that close in the first place. Next, we hear Chase's suggestion to let me kill him followed by Tristan's little speech about how it's not going to bring Jake back. I'm suddenly reminded of Chase almost laughing at his comment as I watch the screen and it all makes sense now. In that moment, I couldn't figure out what could be so funny, but now I know they had this whole inside joke I wasn't a part of. Jake wasn't dead, and they were lying to me. The recording ends with me going off on Jared and then storming out of the room.
"Well, listening to the whole recording, it does seem to tell a different story, but we can't be certain it wasn't planned after this." Says the DA.
"I know that's the only evidence you have against my client. If you won't drop the charges, I will file a motion with the judge to have them dropped."
"We'll see about that, Mrs. Hines. Now, if you will excuse me, I have other business to attend to." He says, motioning us outthe door and then shutting it behind us.
"Do you think this will go to trial?" I ask my attorney.
"No, they have no other evidence."
"And what about Jake?" I ask hesitantly.
"For all intents and purposes, Jake is dead. You knowing his real identity doesn't change that he is Tristan and you will still need to refer to him as such to avoid any more situations like the one we're in now. As for Tristan and Chase's charges, my guess would be the conspiracy charge will be dropped, but the other two will stand. They did illegally wiretap someone's phone, and the obstruction of justice charge is valid. There may be some jail time, but I can't really say how much. They need good lawyers."
My lawyer and I say our goodbyes and go our separate ways. I'm contemplating visiting Jake when my phone rings.
"What do you want?" I answer letting my anger show.
"Hey, I'm just calling to check on you and see how things are. What's wrong with you?" Hannah says cheerfully on the other end of the phone.
"Oh, you want to know how things are? Well, things are just going fucking wonderful. I killed a man the other day."
"You what? Are you ok?" She asks.
"Oh, and Jake's in jail, by the way."
"What happened? Why is he in jail?" She says, her words instantly adding fuel to the angry fire burning within me.
"Oh, that's your response? Not 'what do you mean? Jake's dead.' or 'oh my god, Jake's alive?' Yeah, that's all the confirmation I needed that you fucking lied to me too! You know how much I can't stand to be lied to, and you did it anyway!"
"MC..."
"No, Hannah, you're my best friend, and I trusted you! I don't care what you're going to say; it's not going to change how I feel right now."
"I tried to get him to tell you the moment I found out but -"
"Hannah, stop!"
"MC," she sniffles. "I swear I, no, we, didn't do it to hurt you. If he had told you, then we would have both lost him all over again. It was the only way for you to be together, and the only way for both of us to have him in our lives again."
"Oh, but only one of us was supposed to know it was him while the other one was just supposed to grieve his death forever?"
"It's not like that, I swear. Jake loves you; he always has. He didn't plan this, MC, but he wasn't going to just pass up the opportunity to be close to you even if that wasn't as himself. Do you not think it was hell for him too? Do you know what it's like to know you're brother is alive but not be able to even look in his direction for more than a few moments without raising suspicions. You're not the only one who's suffered in all of this, so stop acting like you are."
"Do Thomas and Lily know?" I ask.
"No, nobody knows except us. Not being able to talk about it to you guys, or even him was one of the hardest parts. It wasn't my secret to tell but I promise you not knowing was the best thing for all of us."
"I'm done with this conversation. " I say, hanging up the phone. The more she talks, the more I can see things from her perspective but right now I want to be angry.
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Currently feeling anxious and very on edge and I was going to say idk why but I actually very much do know why I just don't know what to do about any of it.
Under the cut because there's a lot and I don't want to big down anyone's dash....
I'm in a sort of limbo right now. School has finished. It's been my literal driving force and my primary routine for three years. That routine and security is now completely gone.
I have an awkward 2.5 weeks between finals ending and my internship starting. That is both too much time (I'm doing too much overthinking and dwelling) and not enough time (I have so much to do and pack and idek where to start).
I don't know what to pack and no one seems to be able to get me a clear idea of what I should bring. I know I need to pack for essentially three different seasons because the temps can have a 40°F difference between night and day. Gotta love the desert. I know I need bedding and towels and basic kitchenware. But that's it. Do I need hangers for a closet or do I only have a dresser? Do I need a bath mat or shower curtain or is the place I'm staying basically fully furnished? There are no TVs -- is taking my own too excessive? What about taking my playstation? My houseplants? How much space in the kitchen will I have to store food in? Why does no one else seem to have these questions and why are they ok with just... Packing a few things and moving somewhere for 3 months?
Also I'm supposed to have been paid my first lump sum last Monday so that I actually had money to get the food and supplies and gas I'll need to get down there but ofc someone in HR or wherever fucked up and I haven't received a payment and no one seems to know where the money is coming from or who's in charge of making sure I get it.
Idk how to handle disability disclosure. My disabilities have the potential of putting my safety at risk -- especially considering where I'll be -- so for safety reasons alone I feel I should mention POTS at least. But the entirely new routines, new people, new location, new everything is.... That's gonna really mess me up for a while or will at least be a recurring issue through the duration of the program. I feel that I can count on at least few meltdowns. I'll be at high elevation, outside, in the desert. My medications make me more sensitive to UV rays than my pasty skin already makes me. I burn really easy, really quick regardless of whether I remembered sunscreen or not. And I have NO idea how to bring up the issue of fibro flare ups. Like hi yes I know I have a full schedule today but I'm gonna have to either limit my hours or not participate at all because I'm currently in bed experiencing full body pain and I can't think clearly atm. No idk if I'll feel better in 4 hrs or 4 days. And ofc high stress and anxiety situations are triggers for flare ups so it's basically a vicious cycle.
I'm scared because I really really want this. I've been wanting this internship for a full f-ing year and it's doing exactly what I want to do in one of my absolute favorite places and it's going to open doors to other jobs but. I'm so worried I'm gonna f-it up. That I'm gonna have to quit early with my tail tucked between my legs and I KNOW sometimes you have to stop and acknowledge that some things just aren't possible and it's not your fault but I've already done that again and again and I don't know what else I'd do with my life if not this. I can't keep living at home but I can't move out unless I have a full-time job and even the I probably can't afford rent anyway and I don't have friends I can move in with.
I'm so tired and overwhelmed and I feel like I can't turn to my mom for help because she's working two jobs and is already providing emotional support to her sister as she works through the death of my uncle. My bro is working two jobs and has far too much of his own BS to worry about and I definitely can't count on my dad for anything.
I'm just. Really at a loss rn and after that fiasco of a semester I don't have the emotional energy to deal with any of it.
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One more time
Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.
Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst
Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3
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Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS
you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?
you pick up your phone and slide the green button.
"what do you want, alex?"
"___, you picked up!"
he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.
"i did, now what do you want?"
alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.
"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."
you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.
"no."
you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.
"i don't want to see you right now."
alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.
"i understand, you need time."
there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.
"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."
"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"
"fine."
"good-"
you ended the call.
"-bye..."
alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.
it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.
~
you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.
"hi ___."
"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.
"great, thank you."
~
he looks over as he's folding a shirt.
"what are you looking at?"
you say without looking away from your laptop.
his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.
"nothing, you seem busy."
alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.
"otherwise you would've said something about me."
alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.
you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.
don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-
"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."
god damn it, why did you do that?
he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.
a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.
you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.
~
after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.
"you done?"
you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.
"yeah, i think so."
"good, you know the way out."
you turn back to your computer.
"___, wait. can i ask you something?"
you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.
"what do you want?"
alex took a quick breath.
"can we talk sometime?"
you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.
"why the hell would i?"
"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."
he set a step forward.
"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."
"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"
"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."
alex stands his ground, making you livid.
"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"
you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.
"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"
if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.
"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."
alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.
"oh, so now it's my fault?"
you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.
"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"
you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.
"i never said that, ___!"
alex yelled to match your energy.
you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.
"out. now."
alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.
"goodbye, ___."
alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.
"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.
your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.
~
it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.
you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.
your thoughts were somewhere else, though.
you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.
but that didn't happen anymore.
you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'
"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"
after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.
why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.
yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.
~
the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.
you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.
'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('
an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.
you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.
you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.
after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.
'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '
~
alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.
he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.
"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.
"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.
"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.
alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.
'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'
'don't come back.'
you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.
'wdym?'
'you know damn well why'
you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.
'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'
you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.
'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'
~
you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.
but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'
after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.
'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'
you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.
after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.
"hi alex."
"hey ___, it's been a while."
you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.
'yeah, you can say that."
the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?
"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"
"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."
alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.
"what's so funny?" alex asked.
you rolled your eyes and smile.
"you, dumbass."
he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.
"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"
he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.
"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."
after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.
~
you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?
as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.
"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."
he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.
"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."
the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.
after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.
"okay-"
"so-"
you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.
"you first."
alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.
"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."
alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.
"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"
you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.
"that's my ex-girlfriend."
alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.
"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."
you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.
"you got that right."
alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.
"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."
~
"so she set you up?"
"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."
you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.
"are you sure that's all?"
alex flinched slightly.
"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."
you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.
"alright, then.-"
you grab your bag and stand up.
"-i think we're done here."
alex stays seated and looks up at you.
"yeah, i think so."
you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.
"goodbye, alex."
"wait!"
alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.
"are you still mad at me?"
those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.
"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."
alex scratches the back of his neck.
"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."
"that's enough for me."
alex smile at you, not trying to pry.
"goodbye, ___."
"goodbye, alex."
~
you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.
you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.
after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.
you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.
it goes once.
it goes twice.
"___?"
'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"
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ty for reading <3
m.list
taglist: @adoring-ghost @sakisaralazy @for-memories-sacrifice @ialexabsuniverse @shiyanchan @bioluminescentfrog @esylwen
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levi-txliesiin · 3 years
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my thoughts abt the tarot sequence that i just need to talk abt bc these books and the characters are special to me
i know, it's been several months since i finished the hanged man. yes im still emotional abt it. let me sob over my children in peace thank you
tts spoilers ahead!!
addam understands the bond rune and brand have. he doesn't only accept it, he also understands it.
page 373 of the hanged man where addam says to rune "i know that i will never be the love of your life.", "what you share with brand? i could spend a lifetime chasing it, and it will always be decades out of my reach...he is irrevocably linked to your very concept of safety and protection." those lines. those lines. i am obsessed.
and when addam said "quinn is an emotion for me, too." oh my fuck the sound i made. literally the entire epilogue tore right through me in the best way possible.
rune giving max the saint john name 😭😭 that scene made me ugly cry i shit you not
the male characters basically said "toxic masculinity? don't know him." and i am here for it. i know a lot of people ship brand/rune/addam, but personally i think things between rune and brand are fine as they are. they love each other a lot and don't hesitate to say it. it's not often you see a non-romantic relationship between two guys like the one between rune and brand, so i'd like to preserve what they have and let no one touch it ok ty
the banter between brand and rune is the highlight of the series. honestly, everything abt brand and rune are the highlights of the series. the scenes they have together are a perfect balance of funny, jokey ones and serious, emotional ones. like, i love them a lot.
rune??? calling quinn addam's son??? yes. just yes cause it's so true !!
and in a way, i think it finally made addam accept that he was one of the few people there for quinn when he was growing up.
the found family. enough said.
the characters are. so so so complex. they're on point. realistic, raw, and loveable. like yeah, they fuck up sometimes, but that makes them even better. i can't wait to see them grow further. already, i've formed a concerningly strong emotional attachment to rune, brand, addam, and the kids. and already, the hurt they have gone through hurt me as well bc i love them sm jfc
im literally living for the short stories k.d provides us with bc god knows i can only go so long w out content lmao
things i hope to see more in the series would be:
addam and rune being talla
rune's past trauma and r*pe experience being explored
brand's past trauma
layne!!! im really intrigued by them
rune, brand, addam, max, and quinn being a family
layne, anna, corbie, and corinne joining that family, perhaps??
THE DINOSAUR W ATHRITIS THAT RUNE AND BRAND NOW OWN!!!!
brand threatening to shoot rune in! the! ass! bc that scene had me howling lmaooo
the only bit of criticism i have is to add more female characters, and maybeee more characters of colour (but it's possible that k.d edwards doesn't feel like he can write a poc accurately so). but then again, only 2 books of tts have been released, and i believe there will be 9 in total, so it's a bit quick to judge.
OKAY LMAO that's the end of my rambling. if you made it to the end definitely read tts! the first book is the last sun, the second is the hanged man, and there are loads more to come. but ofc pls heed the trigger warnings.
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lazzledazzler · 3 years
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Lazzle's Rune Factory 5 Review
Alright so here are my thoughts and experiences with RF5! This is a big boy so buckle in earthmates...
Obviously this review will contain spoilers, read at your own risk.
Initial thoughts upon playing...
Great opening! I enjoyed the jazz music~ I did feel like it leaned a bit more towards the male player though. It definitely feels like a rune factory game. It's familiar, and controls are easy to get accustomed to for the most part. The mold is there and rf5 doesn't stray too far from its predecessors which is comforting for veterans. That being said, I'm not going to pull any punches and will critique this game harshly. Keep in mind as updates for the game are released not all things discussed in this review will be as relevant overtime!
Let's hear some thoughts on...
The story/plot. The plot is enjoyable overall. I'm not crazy about the whole Seed organization thing but it was a neat idea. They address the Sechs Territory and it is confirmed that the game takes place some decades after RF4. But by the end of it, I didn't feel like I really accomplished anything because it felt like I barely did anything really. Also they left a lot of stuff unanswered. I'm not even sure I understood the message they were sending, if they were trying to send a message at all. The main story is too short, and it doesn't involve enough of the townsfolk. You're basically doing everything yourself in secret the whole time and the townsfolk barely know what's actually going on. Out of the love interests, Lucas plays the largest part in the story, followed by Priscilla and Scarlett. The story feels targeted at male audiences--at least that's how I felt. You, the player, have a larger role in the game, much like in RF3 and I was glad to see this. As of right now there are only two arcs. Praying for DLC 3rd arc...!
Protagonists. The latest protagonists to join the crew of Earthmates are...decent. Their designs are nothing special unfortunately, though I appreciate Alice's more than Ares's. Appearance-wise they lack personality and creativity. Personality wise I am pleasantly surprised with how sociable they are. They're not exactly quick witted and sassy like Lest/Frey were in rf4, or as endearing as Micah in rf3, but they have a certain realness to them that makes their reactions to things believable. I'm certain Xseed will see to making them a bit more sarcastic in their localizing efforts, so let's all look forward to that. Overall though, while I appreciate their mannerisms, they don't really measure up to all the previous amnesiacs we've grown to love over the decades.
Characters. Overall I enjoy all the characters introduced in Rune Factory 5! I feel like there is someone for everyone in this game on some level. The voice acting was pretty good for every character. The designs are very much Rune factory. Like OG runefa, compared to rf4 ( 4 kind of strayed from their usual style) which I like. Characters still have their own signature quirks that you find endearing. Although I would have liked to see more variety? Like we've had mermaids, univir, half monsters, vampires, etc in previous titles but rf5 only gives us the usual (half) elf, dwarf, and then a succubus (physically she doesn't have unique features aside from the ears and heart eyes), and some were-people. I was hoping for something more unique to really give that classic runefa vibe.
Dungeons/Battles. I'm pretty split on this one. On the one hand, the dungeons have more depth due to the 3D aspects. They've included more contraptions that are very fun to see even if they aren't executed that well. So I'm grateful for that. On the other hand, the dungeons are insanely short imo. It doesn't take long at all to get to the boss. The puzzles are also pretty subpar and few compared to RF4. Fighting monsters is similar to the other games. You can lock on now but I only use it when I'm trying to use my Seed Circle. The lock on feature is actually counter-intuitive and makes it harder to dodge. Weapon mechanics have shifted a bit. There’s a feature that makes you invincible to damage if you time the R button dash correctly. Axes and Hammers are significantly slower than in older games? Like. I thought I was in slow motion it was so slow. Lances are also harder to use as well? I'm questioning my sanity here. I don't know if it's a bug or intentional either.
Farming. Not much has changed from previous games mechanics wise. They added new types of special crops which is neat. The camera view changes to overhead when you go near your fields though, and it can make you dizzy/uncomfortable. It actually makes it a bit difficult to see at times so I wish there was a way to adjust the angle. If you are tilling corn or dried weeds to improve the soil, you need to place them separately if you don't want to use the entire stack. Otherwise, it will till the entire stack on the land if you place them all down at once. The flower shop is unlocked late in the story. Weird thing to do considering you need flowers to make medicine. Not to mention the fact that you wont have access to the fertilizer that increases defense against typhoons? During typhoon season? Thinking emoji...
The town. I have to say Rigbarth's design is poor compared to Sharance, Selphia, etc. It's too big and it takes too long to get around. Everything is too spaced out and there aren't enough warp points to make it easier on players. I don't want to walk an entire mile up a hill to talk to one person and then walk all the way down to the beach to speak to another. It doesn’t really feel like a ‘town’.
OST/BGM. Music was good, though nothing really stood out to me where I'd go "damn this slaps" or something. I think they might've had some old soundtracks from rf2 or something because it felt really nostalgic at times.
We need an exterminator. (Bugs Bugs Bugs)
Marvelous, I don't know how to tell you this buuut...your customers are NOT your testers. When you release a game, you need to make sure it's not littered with glitches because customers don't enjoy dealing with them and will drop the game!
Here are some of the types of glitches I encountered:
Crashing. Game would randomly crash or freeze and close at any moment. Sooooo frustrating! Sometimes you get lucky with the autosave feature, but the autosave only activates every morning at 6am in your room and then when you warp to a dungeon level/floor. So when you're in the middle of your daily tasks in town and it crashes, you have to start all over. Marveloussss no one enjoys losing their progress in a game I promise you that much.
Lag. The dialogue bar is seriously slow, especially after loading your file. Crafting/Cooking screen lags. When you press the Y button to skip through dialogue it lags like hell. Pretty much after every time you load the game will lag, the audio will lag if you're in a battle, everything is just. so. slow.
Repeating dialogue. So if you close your game entirely (or if it crashes) naturally you'll reload your file to continue where you left off. There's a bug that will cause all NPCs to repeat the last dialogue that occurred from whatever plot related thing you did last. So for example, if the last thing you did in the story was unlock Ludmilla, everyone in town will naturally have some dialogue about her. But even after seeing all this dialogue and even saving, if the game is closed and reloaded you'll have to read all that dialogue again from townsfolk. It got really annoying after a while.
Monster taming. One time I tamed a monster but once I named it and hit 'ok' the monster never showed up in my barns? Just. gone. Okaaaay then...? Additionally, I expanded one of my monster barns but all of the monsters I tamed wouldn't appear in the added room. You get 4 monsters for each room but the monsters I tamed would show up in the original room. Meaning I had like 7 monsters in one room! I tried to bring them into the newly added room but they would just warp back to the other room. Sad.
Pond Glitch. I fished in the pond located in Sasayaki Forest and left the fish I caught but didn't want laying around the water's edge. If you leave fish around the pond's edge and go to sleep, the next morning you will be teleported to the pond and trigger the fairy dialogue as if you had thrown all of the fish into the pond??? So the dialogue of her telling you she wants 'X item, not this!' will trigger over and over for all of the fish you left at the water's edge. RIP.
Party member Bug. I had Martin in my party and I made him leave. Then when I went into my monster barns to get a monster pal to join me instead it showed me Martin's portrait???? Also I've encountered a bug where I can no longer ask anyone to join my party for some unknown reason. The R &L button prompt was just gone when I reloaded.
Errors. When cooking or crafting, the dialogue box shows up sometimes...
Typos. Random average typo here and there. Not a real biggie but there is one instance where the heroine will use the japanese male pronoun "boku" instead of "watashi" which really convinced me that this game was completely intended for men lol.
Let's talk about Pros
The good stuff. The stuff that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.
Plot Advancing. Now I'm gonna put this as a pro because I'm certain the average player will enjoy this even though I do not. There are now markers on the map to show you where to go to advance the plot. This is all well and dandy, but it also made the story less appealing for me because you don't need to go around town and speak to residents for clues or assistance to advance anything in the story.
3D Graphics The 3D models are all amazing. The interior designs of the houses/buildings are also incredibly detailed and realistic.
Collecting items. Now there's a feature that will allow you to collect items into your inventory just by walking over them. This is pretty neat and welcome for the most part. Once the item is sparkling, you can walk over it and it'll go into your rucksack automatically. This also makes lumbering and mining go much faster. Yay!
The miraculous L pocket. Now you can customize the categories that appear in your L pocket by going to the rucksack tab in the menu. This is a super neat feature that makes things easier on players who want to manage their items in a format that suits them.
Weapon/Tool Toggling. You can now toggle between your equipped weapon and tool by pressing the left or right buttons on the trackpad.
Collecting lumber/material stone. Oh lord this is probably the most welcome improvement moving forward from the previous game. You can now put all of the lumber and material stone from your inventory into its storage at once. This also applies to fodder for tamed monsters. Well done Hakama.
Autosave. This feature is a welcome addition to the series. The game will save your data every morning and every time you enter a dungeon. Autosave has really saved my ass a few times when I made a huge error in judgement so I'm incredibly grateful for this feature. And it doesn't save over your actual save file--there's a separate autosave file at the very top. So if you messed up something but already saved on your main file, you can still salvage your mistake by reloading the autosave! I just wish it activated a bit more often sometimes.
Warping. Now we can warp to each level in a dungeon as well as certain places on the map in town. It's pretty convenient for the most part.
Increased party members. Now you can have up to 3 members in your party! Hooray! Party members act more intelligently than in older games. Scarlett can use the Seed circle to assist you in fights. I think she also tosses healing potions at you occasionally. So far, no one has tossed a dish at me if I haven't eaten like Kiel and Clorica did in rf4. But I have been hit by a failed dish (from reinhardt?) and a healing potion (from scarlett). Scarlett, Priscilla, and Reinhardt are the most helpful when dungeon crawling in my experience. Some of them however, (looking at you Doug) don't shut the hell up with their one line of dialogue they have and repeat it constantly.
Seed Circle. This neat feature allows you to capture monsters. By charging it and releasing you can capture monsters for the bounty system or add them to your party temporarily. If you throw it without charging it, you can stun monsters in place momentarily or grab things from far away. When stunning monsters, it can also give you the monster's drop item occasionally. Unfortunately it uses a lot of RP so it can be difficult at times.
Combo attacks. This is a neat feature that I appreciate and use often for boss fights. They do some serious damage so it's good to save them for the bosses. The actual cutscenes aren't that impressive, and feel kind of subpar when you get down to it but I think it's a start in the right direction.
Farm Dragons. I'm listing this as a pro although I really just see it as a new feature. Farm dragons have fields on their backs that you can place monster barns on and farm on. Giving them certain crystals will give your fields boosts in certain criteria, like length of growth, soil quality, you get it. I personally don't use the crystals because I couldn't give a shit lmao I have men and women to woo here. But if you're into this kinda thing then it's a pro.
Storage. When opening your storage box, fridge, etc. you can actually hit the R & L buttons to switch between ALL of your other storages. Looooove thissss. Great addition. So much faster to put items away in their respective places.
Crafting/Forging. Now we can also use the R & L buttons to alternate between the different weapon types/accessory/gear types instead of having to exit the menu and going back in each time you want to make something different.
Cooking. More recipes have been added. Yay!
Days are longer now. More time to get shit doneeeee ayyyy
Fishing. They've added many more fish to the game! Now the player will shout something when you get a bite, making it easier for you to hit B at the right moment. Nice. Also if you fail or press B too early, the fish doesn't vanish most of the time. Also nice. There is now a feature to fish with another person's assistance. Once a day you can investigate the sign near the fishing station and someone might offer to lend you a hand. Press the B button at the right moments on the slider and you can get a rare fish that can't be caught normally.
Monsters. New types of monsters! Love the designs. Even the monsters that are the same but just have different skins are really neat. They look great in the 3D format too. You can even ride with up to two people on certain monsters! Some bosses had awesome designs while others...were bad.
New Types of Furniture. The carpenter store has a wide arrange of furniture you can buy for your home. It also has wallpapers and stuff which is really neat. Though unfortunately you can't even sit on some of the furniture so that's a shame.
Events. Now there is a system where events are triggered by approaching an icon on the map. This is probably an improvement to RF4's randomized system, though personally I found it annoying because it meant that I had to see the events before I could just enter a building normally. Sometimes I just wanted to get shit done and not have to read through walls of text for someone's love event when I just want to buy something.
Voiced Lines. The protagonist seems to have more voiced lines, as do other characters. Good!
Let's talk about Cons
Not including glitches. Oh boy. So many cons. Where do I start?
Dialogue. Probably the most notable con in the entire game. The dialogue is drastically minimal in comparison to previous games, especially rf4. There is probably a quarter of the amount of dialogue compared to rf4's insane amount of content if not less. Townsfolk repeat themselves. Often. Too often. Am I playing Harvest Moon? Originally I thought it was because the dialogue is randomized, but I think it's actually because more dialogue is unlocked as you raise townspeople's FP. Despite this, there's no linear build up where you start off as acquaintances and eventually become very close like in rf4 because of how sporadic the LP/FP is. Townsfolk don't even talk to each other. One of the greatest perks about runefa is the conversations townsfolk can have with one another. Residents randomly gathering in small groups to talk about anything. Previously you could add someone to your party and sometimes a dialogue will occur if you speak to the right person at the right time with that person in your party. This is nonexistent now. The only time they do this in rf5 is during the festivals. But, it will only trigger if you have unlocked all the characters in each marriageable lineup and they can't be in your party. The residents will talk about one another but that's pretty much it outside of town events. They got rid of all the minor dialogue that occurs too. Trying to sleep in someone's bed while they're right there? They wont comment. Inspecting objects in stores while the shopkeeper is present? Wont say anything. Take a character with you to a dungeon/boss fight? Their lips are sealed. Where's my sense of community? :(
FP/LP This ties into the dialogue issue. The rate at which LP/FP increases is sporadic as hell. You can go from 1FP/LP to 4FP/LP just by giving a gift sometimes. I wouldn't even speak to people and their affinity increased by like triple for no reason. Then it increases by like 2% for the longest time. Argh!!!
Graphics. I don't consider myself very picky when it comes to graphics. I don't really mind that the foliage and scenery are at the level of a ps2 game at best. I tried playing on my television initially, but the lag and camera operability was too much so I fully switched (haha puns) to handheld. One thing that sucked is that I literally cannot tell the difference between medicinal herbs, antidote grasses, and green grasses without the captions because the graphics are so indistinguishable. So when you're trying to pick up multiples of those items by holding the A button, you're just randomly walking over anything green in the hopes that you'll get the right ones...
Lack of Sound Effects. Something I noticed is they got rid of the sound effects that will play when you complete a puzzle or add someone to your party. When you try to brush a monster there's no sound for the '♪' they make when you successfully brush them. So it was hard for me to tell if I had actually brushed them or not. I was a bit saddened by the lack of cute sounds.
Too much free range. From the very beginning of the game, you're allowed to go pretty much wherever you want when leaving town. It was too easy to stumble into high enemy level territory without knowing, so when I was like level 5 so I got KO'd immediately.
Artwork. The portraits seem to be lower in quality somehow. Runefa has always had shitty portrait art imo but this time it's even worse. Many character's eyes looked fucked up. Though the 3D models are insanely good for mostly every character except Terry. Terry's 3D model looks Terryfying and I prefer his portrait.
Festivals. They've added some new festivals. Some I enjoy. Some not so much. They changed the format of the eating contest. It's horrible. Good luck with that one.
L pocket + R button? They got rid of the feature that lets you skip to the other end of your items when opening the L pocket by pressing R button. I really liked that feature because it made it faster to reach my items so I was bummed that they got rid of it.
Gotta go fast. Now when you speak to someone, it doesn't 'stop time' as you might say it did in previous games. So people are still moving about as you speak to someone, making it harder to catch up to people! Annoying!!!
Catch and release? Not in my farming simulator! Say goodbye to being able to toss a fish you caught back into the water. In fact, say goodbye to tossing anything you don't want anymore into the water. Now you just have an army of fish flopping on the ground around you. And with the auto pick up feature, they're probably going to end up in your inventory anyways once you try to move. There are still certain ponds with fairies that you can toss stuff into, but you'll have to deal with the fairy harping at you for giving her something she doesn't want.
Shop Hours. Oh god. The shop owners don't even open their stores at the correct hours? It says open at 9am. If you speak to them they won't open their store until like 9:07??? But Priscilla and Lucy will show up to work their part-time jobs at around 8:30am and you can buy stuff through them before 9am. So the actual shop owners (for the bread shop and general store) are pointless usually. Additionally, if the store is empty (but open) you can no longer add a shopkeeper into your party and then enter their store with them to buy things from them. Why. Just why. When you want to buy something that only a specific person sells (Only Hina sells fish, only Heinz sells misc items) you have to wait for them to finally decide to work in their own store. Wonderful.
Monster Item drops. Maybe I'm crazy but the monster drops are seriously a lot harder to get than in previous games. Especially boss drops. It's almost impossible to get the rare drops now. I don't even want to try anymore. And as far as I know, the only place to buy monster items is through Heinz, but his items are actually misc. items, not specifically monster drops. So you'll be lucky to check his store (whenever tf he decides to actually work) for any monster items you might want instead of farming for the drops. Sighs.
Difficulty. This game is too easy. There is little to no challenge whatsoever. I had to increase the difficulty setting to hard mode and it was still too easy. I beat it at level 139, never once did I need to grind or level. In fact, your character levels up way too quickly for the pace of the story. I had zero trouble with any of the bosses and even the final boss was a breeze. Quite sad. Though because I am not new to the franchise, it's likely that newcomers would have some trouble in the later parts of the story.
Fishing cons. Idk how you fck up fishing but they sure did. You have to stand further back now because the pole is so long that you'll miss the fish you're aiming for. In fact, it's seriously hard to aim period. You'll end up recasting more often than not. Fish come in the various sizes but they don't seem to have the darker or faded characteristics that can indicate whether it's a rare fish or not. The graphics make it hard to tell. The pros that i've already mentioned are welcomed but it doesn't negate the fact that I do not enjoy fishing like I did in previous games.
Mining/Lumbering Cons. You can no longer strike three times consecutively when mining/lumbering. This sucks lol. Even when you upgrade your axe or hammer, powering up the tool does nothing for getting wood and material stone--it only expands the area of your strike. So it takes longer to get wood/stone from stumps and rocks now since you have to strike the full 9 times but it's not too bad. It's also harder to aim now as well so that's also unfortunate.
Seasonal Fields? Kiss them goodbye! That's right, there are no seasonal fields in rf5 because devs are insane! You instead have the farm dragons that seem to look seasonal based on the fact that they are designed after elements like earth, water, and fire. But no, these dragons are simply extra fields for you to use. Here's a spoiler: you're not going to use those fields. You're just not. They're kinda useless unless you're obsessed with farming. Now you have to grow your crops out of season like the sad farmer that you are.
Farming cons. Seeds no longer tell you how long it takes to grow the crop. Why. As of June 29th, they fixed this with an update. But I still had to play the whole game without it so fuck you marvelous. The joystick is really sensitive? So when you're trying to use a fertilizer or something on your field you're likely to place it on the wrong 4x4 tile, wasting your fertilizer. So it’s best to hold down the R button when farming. Also the crops look uglie as hell.
Sleeping and warping cutscenes. Just like in rf4 there's a cutscene when you go to sleep that can be skipped easily by pressing A. In rf5, there's a cutscene to sleep and a cutscene when waking up. It takes a bit more than a second to skip these scenes so it gets annoying after a while. Warping is this new feature that replaces our beloved escape spell. Overall I appreciate the feature but I hate it for two reasons. One: there's an annoying ass cutscene for it each time you use it that could be much shorter. And Two: townsfolk now use warp even when inside the town. In previous games, someone exiting your party in town would just manually run to wherever they need to be. So you could easily chase after them if you need to talk to them or give them something. Now, party members use warp regardless of where you are at the time. So say you have someone at 7 hearts and you want to try confessing to them. You would have them join your party, save your game, and then have them leave your party and immediately speak to them and confess before they can run off. If it doesn't work you reload until it does. In RF5 this wouldn't work anymore because they will warp. Now you would have to save, run around town trying to find this person and hope they accept the confession. Otherwise you'll have to play hide and seek again because reloading your file will randomize the resident's locations (if they are not working in a shop)!!!! I often just waited until a festival day because then they will be at the plaza for most of the day and it has a warp point there.
Crafting/Forging/Cooking. They've removed the feature where you can press Y on the ingredients in the menu to add more of that particular item. I miss this feature :'(
Lacks incentive. There is no trophy room from my knowledge. The final dungeon that is meant to be like the sharance maze/rune prana isn't that hard to beat for skilled players and is only 20 floors. After you beat the main story and this dungeon there's not much else to do really.
Request Board. Unlike in rf4, you need to make sure you have accepted requests before you complete them or else it will not count. Previously, you could complete all sorts of tasks and Eliza would still recognize your work even if you accept their request after the fact. ie, shipping goods, harvesting crops, etc. So make sure you don't harvest your special crops before accepting the request it's for!
Return of the "Loli" Dragons... Yeah you read that right. We got more dragons in children's(???) bodies with skimpy clothes. I don't know anymore????¿¿¿
Can't marry the Milfs or Dilfs. Tragic.
Still no homo. Grow up Marvelous.
Reverse Proposal? Reverse Uno card-- Laid low by the patriarchy. You now have to buy the double bed and craft an engagement ring to propose to your man if you're playing as Alice. Marvelous this isn't what we meant when we said we wanted equal rightsssssss This can be seen as a pro if you're a softhearted babey who doesn't like rejecting bachelors' proposals because you feel bad :'( But this is a con for me because I don't want to spend money and materials on a double bed dammit!!!
Misc. Still can't stack dishes or fish. There's no green elemental fairy???All the other elemental ones are there except the green one? why??? Still can't tame the giant Wooly. Some bosses that have insanely awesome designs cannot be tamed and makes me wanna eat glass.
Let's talk about Love~
Relationships. We want them. And half of us only play these games for them. I've only played as the female heroine so far but I'll be updating this review as soon as I finish with the bachelorettes as the male hero.
Confessions
As usual, we must raise the love points of our beloved to 7 hearts before we can attempt to date them. However unlike in rf4, if you fail at a confession once, you will need to raise the LP up an entire level before you can try again with any chance of success. It's imperative you save before attempting a confession now.
Love Events
Each love interest has two love events that must be seen before you can date them. They're reminiscent of older game's style but I felt they could have been a biiiit more interactive or so? Or involved the town a bit more for some of them.
Dating
Once you get your honey to be your bf/gf, you get to choose the nicknames as usual. Then you can go on dates. The first three (non-festival) dates are actually events. You need to see all three events to get married.
Marriage Event
The final event you need to clear before you can marry your sweetie. In my honest opinion, so far for the boys, these events were rather disappointing. They lacked the drama and angst that sort of 'test' the love between the two when compared to rf4. Also this is a huge con for me personally and a minor spoiler but there are no special cutscenes at the end of the marriage event like in rf4. Instead, the cutscene takes place during your actual wedding. I was saddened by this because it took away the depth from the marriage events and the actual character? As it is just a cut and paste type of thing instead of an original cutscene for each person. They lack individualism this way. Also it kinda felt like a way for devs to avoid gay relationships and cut corners :^/....sus.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...
Children!!!!!! This is actually one of the coolest additions in the game. Just like in rf3, you can have up to 3 children again! Your first child will resemble you, and you will have the option to choose its gender as well as its personality. There are 6 different children, (3 boys and 3 girls), all with different hairstyles, mannerisms, and seiyuus. Your answers will determine which child you get. A year after your first child is born, you will get the option to have a second child. You'll end up with twins, both resembling your partner. You won't get to choose the genders (it will be a boy and girl) but you will get to choose the personalities once more. The children all have canon names too and each kid is incredibly cute. And of course, you're still able to take your kid with you in your party~ ...Though you can only take one kid with you at a time.
So is RF5 good?
Yeah it's a fun game! My theory is that Marvelous forced the devs to release the game earlier than they were ready for, and that's why it's so lacking. But that doesn't mean it's not worth playing! I'd rate it 3.5/5 stars hehe. Not nearly as good as RF4 (full stop 5/5), or RF3 (4/5) but enjoyable nonetheless. I wouldn't recommend it as a first game to play from the series for newcomers though, I feel it's best for vets who can overlook all the cons thanks to loyalty and nostalgia. By the time it’s released in the West, the bugs should all be dealt with too.
So! Definitely buy this game! We want the series to continue and we want RF6 to be better than this--and hopefully Marvelous will make sure of that next time. If you're not a picky person I think you'll enjoy rf5 a lot. If you're like me and have high standards then, well, still pick it up and let it run its course. Then dust off rf4sp and cleanse your gaming palette >;^)
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gaymershigh · 3 years
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hulloh! I've only been on tumblr for a few hours, and me and my friend already love your work! Is it ok if I request some TWST parent scenarios with Riddle,Lilia,Sebek,Vil and Floyd? If so, thanks! Also once again, me and my freind love ur works alot!
Of course! Since there's no s/o really mentioned in here but people might still want to be included, s/o will be mentioned just a tiny bit (the kids being biological or adopted is up to you since I want to make the s/o gender neutral.) Also, thanks a lot! I'm still and probably be forever an amateur writer so this means a lot to me 🥺💞💞
Triggers: None
Parents au: Riddle, Lilia, Sebek, Vil and Floyd edition!
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From what we've seen, his parents are not the best role models like, at all. They were too strict, pressuring him and treating him like a trophy child. However, he will definitely not treat his child like that at all after Ace slapped him with reality.
He will be a bit strict, having some rules and will scold them if they did something wrong but not as scold them the way his mother does. He won't raise his voice at them, showing them the right path after he scolded them. He will give them freedom and try his best to not make his children suffer the same thing he did, especially when he's the source of the pain.
Though, he might accidentally adapt some things from his mother and project her ways to his children, being completely not self aware. If you're his s/o, please teach him the baby steps to avoid this from this occurring too often.
Unfortunately, having a good life and children won't make his short temper extend. This is the only reason why he doesn't spoil them too much, they might act entitled and may be too late to change them back to the innocent infant they were back then. He tries very hard to control his temper if his children unintentionally knock furniture over or damage something. He just needs a few minutes alone, everything will be back to normal later.
There was one time where his child's birthday was near and decided to bake a cake from scratch, without any assistance from Trey nor his s/o. Thinking he could do it and don't want anyone to underestimate him. He was planning to make a burnt strawberry cheesecake and did the mistake of leaving the oven on for an hour for 400 degrees fahrenheit. The cake went on fire but it tasted very good when he for some reason tasted it. Nobody knew about the incident and the cake was actually used for its purpose. Yay for him, I guess.
He was already pretty outdated in trends when he was in his teens so do expect him to be like a middle aged soccer mom on Facebook every time his children send him memes or something like that. If he does even use any sort of social media and stumbled upon a 'funny' minion meme or something, he will definitely send it to the family group chat. He will make those 5th grade types of edits with one of the family pictures with a "I love my family". It's funny but still wholesome so don't laugh at him.
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There is no alternate universe where Lilia isn't a good dad. Silver and his other wards are already an amazing example of how amazing of a parent he is! He has gained a bunch of experience so he got this in the bag.
Though, his way of taking care of children might be different from how it is now. Times have changed, there are probably some new and uncomplicated objects or toys to entertain the baby or child. He would love to go on a shopping trip to buy some fascinating kids toys he found in the toy store. Please stop him from buying everything in there because it looks "intriguing".
If you're his s/o, you're very lucky since if you have a baby who always cries at three in the morning or a kid who really have trouble sleeping, Lilia will sing a lullaby and they'll doze off in any second. He can wake up easily or he'll just always stay up playing his games so you don't even need to break a sweat in this situation.
His kids or any kid in general loves him lots. He will always tell his tales anywhere, anytime. If the kids ask him for a story to tell, he will always have a new one ready to tell. They also make amazing bedtime stories! It can be funny little innocent stories like his funny experiences taking care of his three wards to actual battles he went through. Any story is a good story.
He really got along with his child when they're young and innocent but when they get into their teenage years, oh boy. He will unintentionally embarrasses them but their friends won't mind. If anything, they will love him being around as he's always keeping up with the games and trends, not being a fat, shirtless creepy dad. One of the positive parts about his child growing up is that he can play video games with him just like he did with Silver! Reliving the nice memories.
He would always try to cook something in any opportunity he gets and of course, he gets stopped by either s/o or his own children. Yes, they have to go through the hard way to realize their father is garbage at cooking. He would always try to cook some food everytime something good has happen in order to celebrate but most of the times, he just wants to cook something for them to show how much he loves them. They really made him happy, he finally have a biological/adopted offspring to watch growing up (again).
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Sebek unfortunately doesn't have that much time to spend time with his children due to being Malleus' trusted escort. Of course, when he does have free time and is not exhausted he will use the opportunity to spend it with his adorable younglings.
Knowing him, he still loves and worships Malleus but he's no longer his only priority in life when he finally has a life of his own other than just being Malleus' bodyguard. He will ramble and tell so many stories about his young master to his kids. They will be infatuated but will later complain about how everything is just "Malleus this, Malleus that". He will get a bit upset about that comment, so he will only talk about Malleus stories for 3 days a week.
He only has focused his life on guarding Malleus and advancing himself on magic and education. Now that he's now an actual father, this is a new chapter in his life and he's not prepared at all. He will seek Lilia for guidance and of course, Lilia being Lilia will rope him to doing something absolutely ridiculous and he would of course, woefully fall for it. Pretty surprising that no matter how much he has fallen for his teacher's trap, he still seeks him for advice.
His kids will definitely learn how to read fast. He loves reading and he really wants his kids to appreciate it too. He was about to immediately give them the books that have old and poetic language without even knowing what the alphabet was. Lilia put a stop to this and you couldn't even bear seeing how sad he looked because he needs to wait for a few years for him to have little reading buddies. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. He will teach them how to read and appreciate the art of reading no matter how long it takes.
He has exposed his children to a bunch of Malleus propaganda so there's no surprise if the children become just like him. Loud screaming, Malleus worshipping, smart but naive and other things Sebek has. If you're his s/o, please keep the children in check as they might cause problems to the neighbors. As this might be troublesome, it's at least entertaining experience I suppose.
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Just like Sebek, he has even less time to spend with his kids as he always has modeling, acting and other businesses to attend. He's probably going to be exhausted when he comes back as well. Though, of course he's going to try to use all his energy to talk to his children till he can no longer open his eyes anymore. He prefers an s/o that is a stay-in mom/dad so the children won't feel lonely while he's gone.
They're definitely gonna grow up just like him. A model, actor, media influencer, or the combination of the three and it's not a bad thing. If they're going on the same route as him, he will teach them in a strict but still in a somewhat caring manner as he has learned a lot from his experience of the VDC boot camp and the overblot incident. He will only show his threatening side if they start to misbehave like those ADeuce rats.
Just because they are his children, doesn't mean they get a free pass if they intentionally neglect or not doing their best at all times, especially when it comes to appearance. He's known to be a neat-freak and a very hard worker to the point it's concerning. He will scold them if more than two pimples pop up on their face but he knows when to cross the line. He learned this easier if their child is rather sensitive and just emotionally fragile in general but they still need to take care of themselves.
He expects his children to follow his footsteps when it comes to where they're schooling. He wants them to enter a prestigious school like he did for his reputation and for the sake of his children's future. This is optional (not really) but he also hopes his children to enter Pomefiore as well and take the dorm head title at least the second week they enroll in this school. If they were sorted to a different dorm, they still want them to have a role in their dorm or in the school at all.
He begs to the Great Seven that paparazzi or desperate losers obsessing over him don't intrude into his personal life, especially if it's about his family. The last thing he wants to witness is his family in pain or being uncomfortable for their whole life. He usually avoids or straight up tells the interviewer that he's not comfortable answering questions when they're going too personal when it's about questions of his family.
You cannot feel anymore blessed when you see his smiling face when he received news about having a vacation. He can finally spend more time with his wonderful kids he's raising with all his heart. He will tell them about some funny incidents in the studio while he was involved in some modeling gig or he will bring them to a private island with gorgeous scenery for both of them to enjoy. Of course, his children's happy faces are more beautiful than the island.
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Floyd is seen to be very warm and sweet despite having a very intimidating height. Naturally, he's not going to be ruthless and act the same when it's with his children because it's his children of course, family is precious to him. He has a lot of energy even after a long shift at Mostro Lounge, so he will always spend a lot of time with his kids.
He's physically affectionate so expect him to be always close and wrapping his arms around his children at almost all times. He'll usually let them sit on his lap when they watch TV or sleep with them if they can't go back to sleep because of a nightmare. Headpats are needed, especially if the kids did something good or got good news. Not saying he won't give any headpats if something bad happens, maybe headpats of sympathy perhaps.
He's very patient when it's with his children because he doesn't want his children to fear him when they grow up. If anything, the s/o have to do the scolding to avoid him snapping or anything like the sort. They rarely do anything bad though, since they're aware of how their dad acts from how he treats a dirty burglar who once tried to break in.
Since he's usually very active and hates just standing around, he expects his children to be just like him. It's never boring if your dad is Floyd as he always has something really entertaining to do at most times. If you're his s/o, you have the free entrance to see an eel man dancing around with his kids or playing some basketball either inside or preferably in the backyard. He tried showing the art of parkour but is stopped due to it being very risky. He sulked about this but oh well, once they're ten, they have no choice but to learn it!
Floyd is an amazing cook and he sometimes lets his children be involved like chopping some vegetables or stirring the macaroni. He sometimes teaches them the perfect way of doing it or let's them try doing their own meal with his assistance. There was one time they decided to make one of the weirdest food combinations and try to eat it, he won and ate it all as it was too gross for the kids to eat it. It's not gonna be a surprise if everyone in this household is an expert cook when Floyd is here.
If possible, he really wants to bring his kids at work no matter how troublesome they could get. If Azul has a "bring your kids to work" day (which I doubt of him doing), he's going to bring all his children no matter how many he has. If there's no day like that, who cares! He's bringing his kids anyway and nobody's stopping him. Sure, he will get scolded by Azul but if that's the only thing stopping him then he'll take his chances.
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I don't if it's still Christmas or not since I don't celebrate it but if it's still is, Merry Christmas! 🎉 I'll just say this is a Christmas gift for you and your friend, Mouaietaru! Especially for that Jamil and Silver fanfic that you made. It's very good, keep up the fantastic work! ✨✨✨
-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎
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im-pok · 3 years
Text
Just for fun (and to make these easier to find) I have made a compilation of JSRF quotes!
I did find the quotes from this video by RisingSonic17 on YouTube. I do suggest watching it as it gives more context to the lines:
youtube
Keep in mind that some interactions may be missing, as I have never played JSRF and may be unaware of some interactions. Characters and their quotes appear in chronological order according to the video.
Corn:
"This is the GG's Garage. Hey, where's our pizza? Huh? You're not the pizza guy? Oh, you're here to join the GG's, eh? Heh... Tell you what. Find Gum. She's the one you wanna talk to. Just get close to her and pull the 'Right Trigger'. Got it?"
"Why don't you talk to her now?"
"Now, just 'cause you're new don't mean you can act like a big baby. The police are tightening up here, especially since the Rokkaku took over the police force. I know we look crazy 'n all, but even we know to pick our fights. So don't mess things up for the rest of us, got it?"
"Roboy's training changes as your skill level changes, so be on the lookout."
"I had a feeling Poison Jam would have their hideout in the sewers beneath Rokkaku-dai Heights. This is it... looks like the time to throw down has finally come."
"Man, those Poison Jam freaks are out of control. I say we start on Chuo Street and cover everything to Rokkaku-dai Heights and 99th Street in our graffiti. Chuo Street is probably the best place to start."
"Roboy told you, right? If you find a Mystery Tape, you gotta check the GG-notebook. It'll tell you where to find the Graffiti Souls in the area."
"Where the hell is Yoyo? Maybe he freaked out and skipped town? I'm sure he's alright. But we gotta take care of those Immortals. They've been walkin' around like they own the place. We gotta go and cover up all their graffiti."
"I'll send those Immortals back to the grave as many times as I need to!"
"We'll stop those Noise Tanks!"
Gum:
"Poison Jam knows something about Yoyo. I know they do."
"Damn! Punk, I'll get you for that!"
"The fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."
"Here they come. The crazies from the Golden Rhinos. Concentrate, and watch your back. These guys ain't no joke."
"We gotta protect the streets. That's not a choice. We can't let these fools just waltz in and take over."
"The real enemy is your own fear. Remember that."
"So you're the cat that wants to join us, huh? I don't know where you're from, but the streets are tough. Real tough. Let's see what you're made of. We'll start you off nice and slow. Let's see how much air you can grab. Press the "A Button" to jump."
"Dogenzaka Hill is GG territory. I heard there's some headphone wearin' freak creepin' up here. If I could just find him, I'd show him what's up...."
"You can do it, can't you?"
"There are a couple of places in Shibuya Terminal where you can get on the roof of some buildings. You can get there by jumping from a Grind. You should check it out. Who knows what you'll find up there? When you're looking for something, the best place to start is the Map. You can see it by pressing the START button."
"The area of 99th Street is built around a tower that has a bunch of places to Grind. Definitely check that place out. There are also telephone poles to Grind and billboards to Wallride... the most important thing is to just try everything out. Oh, and don't forget to check the map by pressing the START button. That should give you some helpful hints"
"We actually found Roboy in a dumpster. Corn fixed him up real nice."
"I've been lost in the severs before. Its kinda crazy in there, but as long as you keep moving up, you'll be ok."
"Yoyo just can't chill and stay out, can he? He'll be back soon, I'm sure. I heard the Immortals hang out in the skyscraper district or something..."
"Actually, they say Roboy is actually a Noise Tank prototype. Don't tell him that though, ok? We don't wanna make him cry or nothin'. In any case, we're gonna get those damn Noise Tanks."
Yoyo:
"Those tracks should connect Sky Dinosaurian Square to the edge of the skyscraper district..."
"I hear that Poison Jam's woman leader has been showin' her face in town."
"Man, the Rhinos gotta be pissed off!"
"Shibuya Terminal is in a state of panic. I really wanna stay out of this, but we gotta go over there and take care of business."
"Don't use your eyes. Just try to feel it, ya know?"
"Graffiti has the power to wake up the energy that's asleep in the streets of Tokyo. The Rokkaku Group... the police... they don't know what's up. So let's just cover this whole place in art, yo."
"Yo, you know that dude Hayashi from the Rokkaku police force? That guy is one messed up dude. He's a complete psycho. Watch out for him."
"I heard through the grapevine that some weird-lookin' girl's been hangin' out at Rokkaku-dai Heights."
"So you think Poison Jam is after us?"
"We gotta get the Doganzaka Hill goddess statue that Poison Jam took. We better hurry, or things are gonna get real ugly."
Beat:
"Anything go down while I was gone?"
"I've always thought that thing in Shibuya Terminal was nasty lookin' anyway! Let's do a little redecoration."
"Sometimes, you just gotta get moving or else nothin's gonna get done, yo.
"Hey, I've heard of you. You're one of the GG's, huh? Tell you what... I'll race you. If I can beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, then this place belongs to me. Got it?"
"Hope you won't regret that."
"Shibuya Terminal? Now that you mention it, there was this huge guy wandering around there... And fishy graffiti? That sounds familiar, but I didn't really look close enough to see if the graffiti that the fool was paintin' actually looked like a fish or nothin'."
"Hey. Is it true Poison Jam used to cause trouble in Chuo Street under a different name?"
"Rapid 99 of 99th Street. They don't show their faces in public very often. Some say Rapid 99 and Poison Jam are sworn enemies because something big went down a while back. I don't know the details, though. A friend of mine told me that the girls in Rapid 99 are real lookers. I just think he was too scared of 'em to say otherwise. In any case, it ain't gonna be easy to find 'em."
"You meet Rapid 99 yet?"
"Noise Tanks? Never heard of 'em. But we gotta find Yoyo. I'll go through the sewers and check out Kiboganoka Hill."
"Those Immortals really get on my nerves..."
"Crazy stuff is going down all over town! Looks like it's time for a little clean up... GG's style!"
Combo:
"Time to get serious."
"This kid's kinda funny."
"This time we should be able to tell if it's the real one or the fake Yoyo just by talkin' to him, right?"
"That crazy guy?! What're you talkin' about? He looks nothing like me. Besides, we don't got time to deal with that fool. Remember? The Golden Rhinos??"
"Well, they told us to come. Don't look like we got any choice."
"There are some things that you can only feel when you're out in the streets, you know?"
"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. I'm guessin' it was you... Its on! If you loose, you're gonna be answerin' to me from now on, punk!"
"You think you can do this too? Let's see it!"
"Man, you're not all that. Here, I'll show you one more time."
"The deep end of the sewers is closed off because it's contaminated. At least, that's what I heard..."
"Hey, why you gotta go out and get a dog?! There's only one thing I hate more than dogs, and that's goldfish."
"I heard Rapid 99 used to run under a leader named Cube..."
"Thing that ticks me off most is, the Immortals ain't worth all this talk and trouble. I wonder if they got somethin' to do with Yoyo's disappearance?"
"There's a bunch of real big guys with real big attitudes causin' a big scene over on Highway Zero. Maybe they might know something about the Noise Tanks. Man, where the hell is Yoyo?!"
Rynth:
"What is UP with Yoyo, anyway?!"
"Hey, Graffiti Souls are a big commodity, right?"
"I don't care if it's a golden rhino or a blue hippo, I'll send 'em right back to the zoo where they belong."
"What's their master plan? I mean, the Golden Rhinos don't seem like their just out here to run the streets, you know what I'm sayin'?" (This quote was spelled like this in game. From my knowledge it should be "they're just out here...")
"Here comes Gouji. Let's end this."
"Did you get all the Graffiti Souls? We still got a full laundry list of things to take care of, you know."
"Hehehe... So this is your hideout."
"Poison Jam are... kinda cute!"
"Is it just me, or does Captain Hayashi not look like he eats his breakfast?"
Poison Jam:
"I don't think Yoyo's that kind of a person."
"I think hes hiding something."
"This feels like a trap. Be careful."
"Someone's after DJ-K?! You sure about that?!"
"Gouji Rokkaku is kinda interesting. But, I think he went a little too far this time..."
"I love everything about Tokyo... even the things I hate."
"Hur hur hur. You want to get rid of us, don't you? Nothing in life is free. You gotta work for it. Beat us in this race and we won't mess with you anymore."
"Har har har!! I told ya'll you were a bunch of wussies!"
Rapid 99:
"ghahah! Next thing you know, you will be all crying like a baby."
"If you can win a flag battle against us, I'll tell you where Poison Jam' s hideout is."
"Suit yourself."
Garam:
"I won't hold back."
"Hey. Keep it real."
"There's this lightning-quick girl over at Kiboganoka Hill. Dunno if she's still there. But man, I gotta say, I'm really trippin' out over Yoyo missin' and all."
"When it comes down to it, the Immortals are just dried up mummies, man. I bet they all nasty under those bandages."
Boogie:
"The Noise Tanks might look strong, but they're like cheap action figures! Just run into them and they fall apart! Oh yeah, that girl from the stadium... I heard she's been lookin' for us. You seen her yet?"
"Aww man..."
"The fortified residential zone... it's directly attached to the underground sewers. Man. I don't like that place at all."
"Is that dude in black even human? My heart's pounding... I don't know why."
"You're never as good as you can be! Don't slack off!"
"Y'all are crazy!"
Jazz:
"This doesn't look good."
"Alright. Stay cool."
"Yeah.... we were a little too laid back this time, I think."
"The fortified residential zone... hey, why don't we pick numbers to decide who goes?"
"It's about time the Rhinos brought things up a notch. We better be ready to get real serious too."
"What the hell IS that big thing, anyway? But, you better watch out for that fool in black..."
"If you get a "Jet" in the Trials, you can even use people who aren't here to take out into the streets."
"You're one of the GG's, right? Then tell this fool that they got the wrong girl! They think I'm one of you guys! So, they dragged me out here and looked what's happened to me!!"
"Hurry up! Tell him that I'm not a GG!!"
Noise Tanks:
"Hey, you're that GG that helped me out! Thanks for that man. Say... there's something that I've been wondering since then. You wanna find out who's the fastest? I KNOW I can beat you. Let's give it a shot!"
"Alright. Fine. See ya."
"I'll get 'em good no matter what!"
"The more worked up we get about this, the harder it'll be to find what we're lookin' for."
"There's somethin' not right about the way the Golden Rhino's are actin'."
"Why are those Golden Rhinos going after the Radio station? Well, make sure to be on the lookout for Captain Psychopath."
"We gotta save DJ-K! I can't stand listening to this music anymore!"
"If this town could talk, what poetry it would speak..."
"Ready?"
"Practice all you want, it will not make a difference."
"It is not over yet. Prepare yourselves."
"Heh... Go on. Fight!"
"Are you ready?"
Special interactions:
"Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you practice."
Slate:
"Dude. I'm bored. Entertain me."
"Hmph. What a bore."
"My sources tell me that the Noise Tanks and the Rokkaku Group are in this together. Be careful."
"So is that Clutch guy in with Rokkaku too? Or is he just a little punk?"
"I'm about ready."
"The Golden Rhinos are really startin' to get on my nerves..."
"I got better things to do than play house with Gouji Rokkaku, but man, that big ugly thing has GOT to go."
"Graffiti Souls' sole purpose is to be sought out."
Clutch:
"You're looking for that kid, Yoyo, right? Tell ya what, if you go out and get some Graffiti Soul points... Hey! Wait a sec, you've already got quite a few. Lemme see those... Sucka! Thanks for the Graffiti Souls! See ya around!"
"Hah, hah! I look forward to it!"
"I dunno, but I just don't get what's going on here. Heh..."
"This Gouji Rokkaku dude is pretty funny!"
"Haaaahaha! Tokyo ain't half bad!"
Cube:
"If you can beat me at my own game, I'll leave you alone."
"Suit yourself."
"The fortified residential zone... Unless you're absolutely sure of your skills, you should stay away from that place."
"I've dealt with the Golden Rhinos once before. If you don't take them seriously, you're as good as dead."
"I can't stand even looking at that thing. Its just so... so... damn ugly!"
"Yeah. You just have to try everything with an open mind."
Beat to Corn:
"So you're the leader of the GG's? Heh... How's this sound? If I beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, you and your buddies have to answer to me from now on. If you beat me... well, we'll just see when it happens."
"Huuuh? You're so boooring..."
Talking to Beat in the garage before fighting the police:
"Anyway, I'm ready to rock. But what's up with that pooch, eh? Where did ya pick him up? You sure that's not the leader in disguise? Heh heh. Its only a matter of time before I become the leader of the GG's anyway."
Combo to Gum:
"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. Was it you, princess? You've been a bad, bad girl. You've better hit me with everything you've got, 'cause I ain't gonna hold back just because you're a girl!!"
"The cue tone get you all jumpy?"
"You liked that, eh? I'll do it again for you."
Yoyo to Rynth:
"You're... like... you know... yo."
"Where'd you come from?"
Gum to Rynth:
Rynth to Beat:
"Cool. Welcome aboard."
"You kinda... smell weird."
Garam to Boogie:
"Hey. I'm next in command around here, little lady. The name's Garam,"
Combo to Boogie:
"This group is growing bigger every day. Fool just dig me, I guess."
Gum to Boogie:
"So you're the one from Kiboganoka Hill, huh? Well, this is the GG's. What you see is what you get. Just be yourself, you'll be cool."
Garam to Jazz:
"Well, um... I... uh... be cool."
"That freak who's been making all those weird tags... you think he's connected with the Golden Rhinos somehow?"
Boogie to Garam:
"Alright. Stay cool."
Jazz to Garam:
"I feel ya, but I think you should try to chill a bit. Keep it together."
Corn to Clutch:
"What a fool. But the fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."
Jazz to Clutch:
"Don't push your luck."
Beat to Clutch:
"You just wanted some attention from us, right? Aww..."
Combo to Clutch:
"Man, you're such a jerk I almost like you."
Garam to Clutch:
"One of these days, I'll get you one-on-one! Just you and me, fool!"
Boogie to Clutch:
"Fine. I'll let you off just this once."
Slate to Clutch:
"Heh... Stay outta trouble."
Corn to Yoyo:
"Long time no see, bro."
Clutch to Yoyo:
"So you're that Yoyo guy, huh? Heh..."
Jazz to Yoyo:
"So, you're the real deal, huh? 'Sup. I'm Jazz."
Combo to Yoyo:
"You gonna go and try to get back into shape, huh?'
Garam to Yoyo:
"Heh... I caused enough havoc for the both of us while you were gone, bro."
Rynth to Yoyo:
"The most unbelievable stuff was happening while you were gone! Hehehe..."
Yoyo to Slate:
"Hey, sorry about all that, yo. My bad. But thanks to those fools, I'm all out of shape now. Maybe I'll go out and cause a little havoc to warm up, yo."
Yoyo to Jazz:
"Man, things have sure gotten busier sice I was last here?"
Gum to Beat:
"That fool dressed in black who's been hanging around Chuo Street... now that I think about it, you guys kinda look alike."
Clutch to Beat:
"In times like this, you won't fall as long as you look where you're going. Heh heh."
Garam to Beat:
"Hey, you know that guy everyone's been saying looks like you? Well, is it you?"
There is some cutscene dialogue missing from these lines. If I can find all the cutscenes, then I'll be sure to add them.
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ask-the-riders · 2 years
Note
OC question 9 for the riders!
9) What is your character's trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?
-
[Death lets out a deep sigh, running a hand over his head]
Well, let's see.... I guess my main ones are when people make assumptions about me and try to tell me how I should be living my life. Those are always super annoying, and if they try to push the issue, then I start to get a little mad. As far as things that make me sad go... Uhh...
[He looks as if he starts to remember something and he frowns, his brow bones furrowing]
There are two things. The first is when I have to collect the souls of kids and babies. Babies especially, since they weren't able to get the chance to grow up, and since they're like the embodiment of innocence. The other thing that makes me sad sometimes... In all honesty, it's Connie. I know she has a lot of thoughts and feelings on things, especially about me, and even if hearing them might hurt, I'd rather she let it all out. If she keeps holding everything in, it'll hurt her more than it could ever hurt me
I still really care about her a lot, and she's the mother of my son, so yeah, I love her, in a way. I don't like that she's choosing to hurt herself via bottled up emotions
((more under the cut, to keep this from being too ungodly long))
[Famine makes a low sound in acknowledgment, tilting his head as he looks at you]
I dunno if it's the same kinda "trigger point" that you're askin' about, but I can't handle the smell a' human blood. it's like it makes me forget where I am, and all I feel in that moment is starvin'. makes me wanna do really bad things ta perfectly innocent, oblivious people, should they ever bleed at all while I'm nearby
things that make me mad though, uhh..... people makin' assumptions and treatin' me like some kinda criminal because a' what I've done. also not a fan a' people that'd abandon their families, either. then stuff that makes me sad, that's easy. thinkin' about my family too much'll do that. thinkin' about how I let down my mom and Paps, and how I killed a perfectly innocent kid who didn't deserve ta die...
[He trails off, silent for a moment before offering you a smile that seems forced]
...'m gonna shut up now, before I make myself all depressed and mopey again
-
[Pestilence hums in consideration, arching a brow bone]
uhhh.... well, I guess stuff that makes me mad is when the people I care for are wronged, somehow. I get yelled at, called names, and even nearly assaulted sometimes just for wanting to go out and loiter in the human world, which is fine. I can take it. what I won't stand for though is any of my friends or family being treated that way. War, especially. if she's hurt in any way whatsoever, be it physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever, then someone's gonna have a hell of a lot of explaining to do
then stuff that makes me sad, uh, well. I guess for starters, watching my soulmate struggle and beat herself up over things sometimes. she's getting better about it, but on her bad days, she needs so much reassurance and care, and I hate that I can't do anything to erase her pain. I also get a little sad when I think about my old friends and my old home. all of it has been gone for a long time now, which really sucks because there's so much I wish I could've shown War, but it's ok. there's nothing I can do about it, so I just have to try to move on
-
[War frowns, furrowing her brow bones]
I kinda have a reputation for being moody and angry, so as you can probably imagine, there's a lot that makes me mad sometimes. If we're going for specifics though, a really basic one is the fact that I've learned and accepted that I deserved a lot better than what I went through as a kid. I get mad sometimes because I think about that and I know that I didn't deserve to be treated that way by Error. I did nothing to him, so he had NO RIGHT to treat me like garbage
I also get a little irritated when people eat my damn chocolate without asking, too. Maybe that one isn't as serious, but it's still annoying as hell
Then stuff that makes me sad.... Uhhh
[She's quiet for a minute and her eye lights almost seem to become a bit blurry, her figure fizzling a little]
The fact that I didn't meet my dad and my family sooner. I would've been so much happier with them, and not as screwed up as I am now. Also, in thinking about Error... It also makes me kinda sad too that no matter what I did, I was never good enough for him. Nothing I did would've ever been enough to make him love me the way a parent should, and that really hurts
-
[Retribution lets out a deep sigh, leaning back in his seat and frowning]
Bullying is what pisses me off the most, right after Othni. If I see any bullying happening, I'll step in and deal with it as I see fit. Not being treated with the respect that is due is also something that angers and irks me. I didn't suffer at the hands of those villagers 500 years ago just to get verbally abused and harassed by some pathetic, small-minded idiots now. I will get the respect that I deserve, end of story
Being aware of my sister's emotional pain but not being able to do anything about makes me both angry and sad, because all I want is for her to be happy
Things that sadden me, though.... Well, thinking about Dream and Lenore is one. I know technically Dream came back as Connie, but it's still not quite the same as it was before. Things are different now, and it's a little hard to cope with at times. I do miss Lenore quite a bit, too. Sure, she's attached her spirit to the orb of darkness, but even if I can still sense her feelings from time to time, it's not the same as hearing her voice, or feeling her physical presence beside me. She was the kindest human I've ever met, and if I could've kept her around longer, I would've do so without a second thought
-
[Conquest hums, a thoughtful look on her face]
There's not really a whole lot that makes me mad, in all honesty. All I can think of would be when the people that I care about are hurt or wronged, or when they're judged by others for things that they can't help. Like Mortem, for example. He likes to wear an eye patch over his bad eye, because it can be sensitive to light sometimes and because he doesn't like seeing it in his reflection. He also thinks that wearing an eye patch makes him look cool, which I fully support
When we go anywhere new, there's always people who stare at him judgementally, and that can be aggravating. I usually just hope and pray that no one says anything that could make him feel self-conscious. If they do end up making him feel that way, I'm immediately involved and I have to figure out how to drive them off, that way I can get to giving my son all the reassurance and love that he needs
[She frowns, pausing for a brief moment]
Then things that make me sad... Well... It'd be thinking about the people I've lost, in my life. First it was my parents, and then it was Calypso. After her was Cobalt, and the rest of the group I was with. Then a little while later, Soren was forced to leave, too. I'm still in contact with him, of course behind Death's back, but it sucks that he's not around. And then... And then I lost Death, too. In a different context, obviously, but still
I'm saddened by the realization that he's perfectly happy and fine without me, and that I was so easily replaced. But, I'm still happy that he's doing well though!
[Her frown deepens and she lowers her voice a little]
....Well enough to start a family with one of my best friends
-
[Abrael furrows their brow bones, silent for a moment in thought]
For me... I think what makes me the angriest is when people come along and expect me to be a certain way, and to live up to all of their expectations. They're not my family, and certainly no one I care about, so I'm under no obligations to be what they'd consider "the perfect individual."
[Their brow bones somehow become more furrowed and they make a face]
Then what makes me sad... Well... I think it's that my home is gone, my family is gone, a lot of my culture is so different now that it might as well be gone, my reputation is gone, and that the rum is gone. It's always, always gone, no matter where I hide it. I haven't actually touched any of it in a while now, but that doesn't mean I don't still like to keep a secret stash, anyway
I feel like I've got nothing left, and absolutely nothing to look forward to. Like I said, my family's dead, my home and culture are gone, my reputation has fizzled away and means nothing, and I've been forced to take on a role and a job that I never wanted or asked for. The only reason I get out of bed anymore is because Connie won't let me sleep in
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shinwhoohoo · 2 years
Note
HELLO it's the anon again who became a fan after 5 years
I was going through your tags and the post where you talked about remembering CNU's 2018 bday vlive just surprises me like,, Jinyoung did that? Like I understand the news wasn't out yet then but the way he was playing it off and the members obviously not being comfortable (?) with it irks me? Idk maybe it's because I just became a fan and I've been CNU biased ever since 2016 (even if Jinyoung was the first member I knew his acting was a bit off idk Park Bo Gum was the obvs better choice there lmao), but the way he tried playing it off like that? Makes me think he was saving face then as a ex-leader but ,, idk seems like a rubbing salt in the wound thing and it was a bday vlive so he could've just respected that and gave them space? Baro doesn't make me feel this way toward tbh since I haven't seen much from his end (please do enlighten me if there was anything on his end that is like Jinyoung serious or not hsjdh) + Baro was my 2nd bias before lmao so I'm still following along his ig and stuff.
Anyway enough with the rant but hhsjdh I just feel so fired up now that I came back to being a BANA so everything's triggering me like "he did what" and "he still said that" and "the way they were emotional then ㅠㅠ i could've been there to be a fan for them" uGh I'm just feeling so much right now and I'm really glad that CNU's back bc I saw his discharge post and I was like, "he was gone??" then proceeded to watch Like a Movie and be so into it last year. Also 10 Times and Adore You are such beautiful songs omg like I'd play 10 Times in my wedding that's how much it'll be cherished in my heart. Also the way 10 Times has "you are the only one" as a lyric made me tear up for real because that was the song I loved so so much back in 2016 ㅠㅠ anywho I'm rambling see you in my next ask or maybe messages if you're comfortable with that 😁
omg the Jinyoung acting shade 😆😆 (honestly though I kinda agree, I think while Jinyoung is overall one of the better idol turned actors, I find that he can over-act a lot? I've always found Baro to actually be the better actor of the two though it's all subjective I suppose at the end of the day lol)
but ANYWAYS yeah, that situation was... odd to say the least. The thing is, we just don't know what was really going down. Was he just writing in the VLive chat to 'save face' as leader since he wasn't there for CNU's birthday? If we was free to write in the chat, why wasn't he there? Was he allowed to be there by that point? (Allowed I guess isn't the right word, but I guess more did he just not feel comfortable being there given the contract situation). Did A3 actually ignore it, or did they genuinely not see it? Why even write in the first place? idk just so much to unpack from that one interaction it's crazy lol.
haha and it's ok, we are happy to have you back! I'm sure it must be crazy to go back and read and see all the happened the last couple years, but at least it seems the worst is behind us. Please feel free to rant in asks (or message me! I'm cool with that!) any time you'd like. I see you have another ask about twitter that I can get to in a little bit~ but really, feel free to come talk anytime!
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1smolbean · 3 years
Text
ok rant (? started out as a rant but descended into chaos) time
no but I find it absolutely fucking hilarious that my parents are like "oh just move on from your trauma" and then don't tell me how to do that, trigger me even when I've told them about my triggers, make me talk to people that trigger me, and make me go to places that trigger me. like...ya think maybe, just maybe, that, idk, I might have trouble moving on from those events if I have to relive them all the time? and I've explained it to them but they just refuse to understand it and they don't understand the word "no" either and I just,,,find this the funniest thing ever cause like they don't fucking understand! they don't! and I've told them but they refuse to! and I'm laughing this is so funny they refuse to understand
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I'M SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE THEY REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IT AND I,,,,,I JUST JKDJFKDLSJFLDKJFD THEY REFUSE TO GET IT AND THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER THEY REFUSE TO HELP THEIR CHILD LIVE A HAPPY LIFE
what kind of parent does that? a shitty one. they're the most hypocritical people I've ever met cause THEY'VE moved on from their trauma and they respect each other's triggers and my brother's triggers but like,,,not mine and why? CAUSE THEY'RE BAD AT THEIR JOB. THEY'RE BAD PARENTS and I'm literally laughing so hard this is so funny to me and my mother has said before that she is proud of me for not skipping school because she assumed I would but she's proud that I haven't. like,,,,wow okay I literally have no reason whatsoever to skip school though??? why would you assume that? and idk I just find it hilarious that my mother both expects me to get an A+ on every subject and also skip school. like bitch excuse me? that's...HHJFDHSFKHFDSKH THAT'S FUNNY IT'S FUNNY THIS IS FUNNY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY THIS IS HILARIOUS TO ME AND I WROTE OUT A WHOLE GODDAMN RANT ABOUT THIS BUT IT'S JUST THREE PARAGRAPHS OF ME BEING LIKE "MY PARENTS' HORRIBLE TREATMENT OF ME IS FUNNY" AND LIKE...IT IS THOUGH!
I feel like Alvar Vacker and Winter Schnee right now. like I just,,,this is so funny but I also want to stab something right now. is this normal? I don't think this is normal. I should talk to a therapist or doctor but I'm my own therapist and everybody else's too and idk it just seems...wrong to burden people with MY problems when they have their own. i should stop telling people when I'm sad, they don't need that. No, no but they care. why do they, though? my parents "care." they yell at me, say I'm not enough, tell me it's hard to take care of me, but they care. I guess. i think they care. caring is bad. caring for someone is bad. i shouldn't...i shouldn't trust people, because trust gets you hurt. and i hate being hurt. and i shouldn't care about people. i shouldn't care. do i even care? did i ever care? yes. but i won't anymore.
I have gone back to wishing I could acquaint a ridgdly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls with my biological father's facial structure. (translation: ok nvm I wanna hit my dad in the face with a brick)
maybe if you didn't yell at me i wouldn't listen to music so loudly. father
father (derogatory)
i am going to lie down on the floor and listen to Special Girl by dodie until i die
i'm the eldest daughter but I'm not a daughter i'm a son but my parents don't care
i feel nothing but the crushing weight of responsibility on my shoulders
I believe I need a counselor, or therapist, or- no, I have one already, I'm my own therapist
I can deal with this on my own
hey mother when you look through my tumblr and read this PLEASE GET ME SOME ANTIDEPRESSANTS OR ADHD MEDS IM NOT DOING TOO GOOD
the powerpuff girls reboot script made me speedrun the five stages of grief I hate it so much
cats opening partially closed doors with their FACES is wild and I love it
I want more soda.
everything hurts and I'm dying
Okay so what the hell happened here Nina please get yourself into shape you need to figure out why you did a 180 from being sad to being angry to being sad to being angry and also that gender can fluid you really be switching from "gender is for mortals" to "none gender left boy" with your emotions too
this picture of Winter Schnee perfectly encapsulates my mood right now
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im in pain everybody! were in pain! specifically in my chest! what the hell is happening with my lungs
nevermind we're good now
YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HURT THE WAY YOU KNOW THAT I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE OKAY AND I HOPE I CAN JUST MAINTAIN IT I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BECOME MY PROBLEM
AND I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY YOU SAVE ME FROM MYSELF 'CAUSE I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I FEEL FOR YOU FOR YOU
AND WRITE IN EVERY SPACE THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" IN REPLACE THEN MAYBE TIME WOULD NOT ERASE MEEEEE IF YOU COULD ONLY KNOW I'D NEVER LET YOU GOOOO AND THE WORDS I MOST REGRET ARE THE ONES I NEVER MEANT TO LEEEEEEAAAAVEEEEEEEE UNSAID EMILYYYYYYYYYY
*muffled sobbing*
it's projecting onto fictional characters with trauma hours everybody
DO OR DIE YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART GO AND TRY YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME WE WANT IT ALL WE WANNA PLAY THIS PARY I WON'T EXPLAIN OR SAY I'M SORRY I'M UNASHAMED I'M GONNA SHOE MY SCARS GIVE A CHEAR FOR ALL THE BROKEN LISTEN HERE BECAUSE IT'S WHO WE ARE
hey remember that "fuck therapy I'm becoming a knight" post I spam reblogged yeah that's my current mood rn
anyway that concludes round one of my annual mental breakdown don't worry I'll be back in approximately five minutes after drinking an entire bottle of soda
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