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#im like slowly figuring out i am actually size small in most clothing
obsob · 2 years
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KISSING YOU mentally 
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fleetingpieces · 3 years
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My One in a Million Chapter 8
Hiiiii! I'm back from the dead and finally got back to writing again <3
Sorry it took ages—and sorry it's not a great chapter— but thank you so much everyone for the patience and support, it means so much!
Thank you @inloveoknutzy @donttouchmycarrots and @knittingdreams for beating, love y'all! <3
Tag list: @whataboutmyfries @justdyingontheinside @heyoitslysso @sunflowerfox87 @hereforwolfstarr @potterlocked24-7 @ttylfedora @domesticatedbeetlenamedjorge @lovemeleo @im-lana
CW: Mentions of food
Ao3
Masterlist
Chapter 8 - The morning after
Remus woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. He blinked a few times to get the tiredness out of his eyes—which seemed to want to stay glued shut—and stared at the ceiling for long moments.
His first thought was that, for a second, he thought he could hear Padfoot’s laugh. Vague images of a dream he’d had came flooding back to him; long corridors, empty beds and his gaming console. The sound must have been a remnant of that.
The second thought was that the ceiling of his room was weird. He couldn’t quite pinpoint where the bugging sensation came from, but something was off and he was way too tired to figure out what it was. Maybe he should just go back to sleep. Groaning, he turned around to do just that, and that’s when he got a good look at the rest of the room.
He sat up with a start, regretting it instantly when nausea hit him like a wave. Closing his eyes, he stayed still until the feeling ebbed away, then opened them again slowly.
This wasn’t his room. There was no sign of any of his stuff; instead, he saw a big mirror, a dark wood chest of drawers, and a trail of scattered things that either belonged to different people or to someone with diverse tastes: a blue hair tie, a black snapback, t-shirts that at a glance he could tell were of different sizes, with stamps that varied from Disney to Strand.
One by one, memories from the night before popped up as the fogginess from sleep left him completely. That’s right, Sirius had offered his home to him after he’d found Remus outside of his flat; he’d come in to take a shower and had sat on the couch as they watched a movie and drank. Things were a bit hazy from that point on.
Had he really pouted and asked Sirius to stay with him like a little kid? Fuck, please let that be a part of the drunk hallucinations. He turned around slowly, glancing to the other side of the bed with his heart beating fast in his throat, but the spot next to him was empty.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Remus threw the blankets to the side and planted his feet on the floor to get some resemblance of stability, but frowned when he stepped on something. Looking down, he noticed a pillow and a blanket lying rumpled on the floor, next to his side of the bed.
A pang of guilt made its way to his chest when he realised Sirius must have slept on the floor while Remus was on the bed, covered from head to toe and warm. Sirius had been so careful with him. Every touch had been gentle, not invasive but rather trying not to overstep, trying to comfort. So, so very careful.
Remus felt slightly ashamed for thinking Sirius would take advantage of him. Not to mention for the way he'd bawled his eyes out in front of the man. He’d made a fool of himself yet again, something that kept happening a lot as of late and to which he wasn’t used to.
“Oh, God.” He remembered how he’d felt his mother’s hand brushing his hair before he fell asleep and he desperately hoped he hadn’t called out for her in his dream. Bringing a hand to his forehead, he could almost feel that phantom touch, tracing fingertips over his hairline.
He rubbed his face in embarrassment. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Sirius after all that, but there was no way he could fall asleep again and a quick glance at the clock on the opposite wall told him it was barely eight in the morning. It was still too early to call Leo or go back to the clinic, plus he didn’t know how everything had panned out.
Remus glanced at the bedside table where his phone was lying face down and stretched over to grab it. He flipped it from hand to hand, back and forth, the small thing weighing him down every time it fell on his palm with a soft thud.
He could call.
He should call.
But what if something had gone wrong? What if Cocoa had had a complication during the night? Would they have notified him already if that was the case? Did he want to find out like this, far away from him and helpless to do anything? He didn’t want to show any more weaknesses in front of Sirius, he’d already shown more of his vulnerable side than he’d ever intended to.
Nodding to himself, Remus got up and threw the phone on the bed. He took two steps towards the door. The doctor had told him to go in the afternoon; he could wait a couple of hours before going back to the clinic and then he would know and—
A huff escaped him as Remus hurried back and dialed the number, plopping down on the mattress.
“Thank you for calling Mercy Animal Clinic. This is Jennifer, how can I help you?”
“Yes, hi, my name is Remus? I brought my dog in last night for chocolate poisoning and I—I was just calling to check on him?”
“Of course, Sir. What is the patient's name?”
“Cocoa,” said Remus, gripping his phone a bit tighter. Jennifer hummed and asked for a few more details to confirm his identity, to which Remus replied on autopilot, his mind going blank in a subconscious attempt to protect himself.
“Just a second, please.”
Remus busied himself counting the floorboards while he waited, trying to calm his nerves, but it had the opposite effect as he became very aware of how long Jennifer was taking to find what he wanted to know. He’d started tapping his foot when the receptionist finally came back on the other end of the line.
“Yes, everything was ok during the night and Cocoa will be ready to go home after lunch,” they said cheerfully.
Remus’ breath stopped completely and then he exhaled loudly. He could have sworn he felt his heart unclench, invisible fingers letting go of their painful grip and allowing blood to stream freely again. His shoulders dropped, releasing all the pent up tension that had been building there since he’d stepped into his apartment the night before, and he laid down, covering his eyes with his free arm.
“Sir?” Jennifer said hesitantly.
“Yes. Ok. Ok. Thanks, I’ll be there.” He hung up and let the phone fall at his side.
The silence of the room was an echo of his own head as Remus tried to let the words sink in. He peeked at the ceiling from under his arm. Cocoa was fine. The phrase repeated itself a few times until Remus took a deep breath and swung himself up.
The hall was quiet outside of the room, but he could hear some noises coming from ahead. Remus bunched the sleeves of the jumper he was wearing, not too willing to admit how comfy and warm he was in Sirius’ clothes. Especially not when he was assaulted by memories of Sirius helping him walk through this same corridor the night before and Remus almost gave in to the embarrassment. Sirius probably thought he was pathetic.
Groaning, he steeled himself as he padded the rest of the way, but his step faltered before going into the kitchen, a hand rising to settle on the wall. Something smelled amazing in there. Like melted butter and Saturday mornings back home, with his mom humming as she stood by the stove and the sun streamed in through the open windows. The sound of the sizzling pan was accompanied by a rock song playing in the background, a cool guitar distortion filling the room, followed by a gravelly voice singing a capella.
And there was Sirius in the middle of it all, moving around the kitchen gracefully, head bopping and singing into a ladle. He slid across the floor like Tom Cruise in that old movie as he moved to the fridge and a chuckle bubbled out of Remus’ chest, taking with it most of the heaviness still clinging to him.
Sirius jumped up, accidentally closing the fridge door with a bang, and turned to face Remus fully. It was only then that Remus realized what he was wearing: he had black ripped jeans and a black tee, his hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail; and on top of all that, he had one of those aprons that had a buff man printed on the front, that read “Kiss the chef”.
Remus stared for so long that Sirius followed his gaze and looked down, only to look back up quickly with a blush. “It was James’ idea of a joke.”
James, as Remus was quickly learning, took special pleasure in teasing his friends, although Lily claimed he always failed when it came to her. But Sirius clearly treasured anything that came from his best friend, no matter how silly or awkward.
Clearing his throat, Remus stepped into the kitchen and peered at the stove. “What are you making?”
“Pancakes!” Sirius exclaimed, seemingly glad for the rapid move of the subject. “I thought you could use some hangover breakfast,” he added with a shrug before turning back to the mixing bowl on the counter.
“Oh,” Remus said dumbly, taken by surprise. He scrambled for something to add. “Did you get the recipe from the same place as those cookies?”
Sirius spluttered and threw an offended look over his shoulder. “Mon Dieu, I’m never going to live that down, am I? I’ll have you know, these are my speciality. But I won’t give you anything if you keep that attitude up.”
Laughing quietly, Remus breathed a sigh of relief that Sirius wasn't looking at him with pity or mentioning his sorry state from the night before. So much had happened between them in just one day, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act anymore. He shuffled awkwardly to the island and, as he leaned on it, the name of the song Sirius had been dancing to dawned on him.
“I can’t believe you’re actually listening to Black Dog,” Remus said, covering his face, not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.
“Hey,” Sirius turned to point at him with the batter-covered ladle, “Plant speaks to me on a spiritual level. I’m sending good vibes to Cocoa.”
Remus raised an eyebrow, making an effort to keep the corners of his mouth down. “You do know that the lyrics have nothing to do with dogs, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s the feeling that counts,” he waved his hand dismissively, sending a few vanilla-colored drops flying, “and the song title.” Smiling at that logic, Remus shook his head—as weird as it was, he found it reassuring. Sirius peered at him as he flipped the golden pancakes easily. “I’m glad you look better. How are you feeling?”
Remus tensed up, but it didn’t look like Sirius was making fun of him. Focusing on some point by his feet, he rubbed at his neck. "Yeah, um. Thank you for your help. And sorry about...everything. I guess it was one thing after the other and it was just too much.”
“We’ve been through this, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Sirius smiled tentatively. “Have they contacted you from the vets?”
“Actually, I called just now.” His heart rate picked up as excitement coursed through his body. Saying the words aloud made them even more real, allowed them to settle in and gave way to tiny pinpricks of impatience. “They said everything’s good. I can bring him home after lunch.”
Sirius turned to face him fully and his hand went to grip Remus’ forearm, his smile turning so bright it was almost blinding. “Remus, that’s great.”
Remus smiled too, staring straight at him. “Yeah,” he breathed. After a second too long, he coughed discreetly and moved back. “I just feel like I won’t be able to relax fully until I see him, you know? I wish I could go over now.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Sirius said as he leaned back too, fingers moving to play with the strings of his apron. “Just a few more hours, eh?” Remus hummed noncommittally and, sensing that he needed a bit of a distraction, Sirius turned his attention back to the food. “In the meantime, can you get the plates from over there?” He pointed at a cabinet as he got the pan out of the stove.
Remus did as he was asked and brought them over to the counter, where an array of toppings were waiting. His stomach grumbled as he watched Sirius cutting up some strawberries to place over the pancakes and then drizzling chocolate on top of everything, singing under his breath to the next song on his playlist. It was all oddly domestic. It was nice.
They sat in the living room to eat, though instead of sharing the couch like they had last night, Sirius—now without the ridiculous apron—sat across the coffee table on one of the armrests. Remus took a bite of the fluffy sponge and closed his eyes with a hum. “Ok, you were right. These are awesome.”
Sirius had just taken a mouthful himself, but he beamed before he swallowed and licked some of the chocolate off his finger. “Glad you like them, Re. I don’t think my reputation could have survived another fiasco.”
“Are you sure this wasn’t just a lucky mistake?” Remus joked, if only to ignore the way his stomach jumped at the nickname, prompting Sirius to throw a napkin at him.
For the next two hours or so, the conversation was light and easy while the music kept playing at a dim level. But, as time went on and the plates got piled up on the coffee table, Sirius started getting distracted.
He kept glancing at his phone like he was checking the time or waiting for a call. Remus would have thought that he was overstaying his welcome—Sirius had a life to get back to, after all—if it weren’t for the fact that the man kept the conversation going and going, asking questions and gesturing excitedly when he was telling a story about how he and his friends had once managed to get a flock of pigeons inside a train full of passengers. At this point, Remus was pretty sure that Sirius was not capable of lying.
A lazy breeze drifted in from the open window, bringing in the smell of morning dew and ruffling Sirius’ hair so that a few strands fell in front of his face. As he brushed them back, he raised his eyes and pinned Remus with a look that was slowly becoming very familiar. That look that said he wanted to say something but he was choosing his words carefully.
Remus was pretty sure he knew what that meant. So far, everything he’d blabbed about the night before had been skillfully avoided—mostly by Remus averting his eyes every time Sirius looked at him like that. He wasn’t looking away now though. Wasn’t sure he could, honestly; not with such intensity and thinly-veiled concern directed his way. Sirius opened his mouth, the words starting to form at the back of his throat when Remus’ phone pinged.
He jumped slightly and went to quickly fish it out of his pocket, holding on to the getaway it provided. Talking about his behaviour or the few hints he’d let slip about his past was not something he was ready to tackle. A quiet sigh dropped from Sirius’ lips as he got up to take the plates back to the kitchen, while Remus stared at the notification flashing on his home page. “Oh, Padfoot just uploaded a new video?”
The sound of ceramic banging in the sink startled Remus into looking up. “Um...you ok?”
“Yes! Too much soap,” Sirius’ voice came back, muffled slightly by the running water.
Remus snorted and got comfortable on one end of the couch, resting his back on the side and pulling his knees up. He wiggled his toes as he waited for the page to load, digging them into the plush sofa and then tapping his feet when the video finally started. It began like usual, with the starting screen of a game and Padfoot’s cheerful voice.
“Hello everyone and welcome! You’ve all been nagging at me to play with Prongs more often, so I hope you appreciate how much effort it took to get his ass out of bed.”
“That’s so not the introduction I was expecting,” another voice complained.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want to do it?”
“Why, yes, thank you. Hello y’all! By popular demand and because I know you like me more than this silly goose, I am here to play some games and have fun! Mostly at Padfoot’s expense.”
“You’re the only person in the world who could say ‘silly goose’ and not have everyone laughing at them.”
“I know, it’s a skill I honed for years.”
“What the hell,” Remus laughed, shaking his head fondly.
Sirius came back into the room, drying his hands absentmindedly on his pants as he took his seat back. He sat at the very edge of the cushion, leaning slightly forward with his hands clasped between his knees, eyes down.
Remus made a questioning sound, waving the phone in front of him. “Do you mind?”
“No,” Sirius croaked, gesturing with his hand for him to go on as he cleared his throat.
A small line of confusion pulled Remus’ brows together. Something was definitely going through Sirius’ mind. Deciding to give the man some time, Remus focused his attention back on the video and made a note to ask later if something was bothering him.
Padfoot was talking about the game they were going to play and Remus could feel his energy even through the screen. He always got like this when he was trying something new. Remus pictured him bouncing on his chair, waiting impatiently to start playing, tapping the buttons in anticipation. “He’s like a kid on sugar, isn’t he?” he said without thinking.
A cough came from Sirius’ spot. “Well, I… I think it’s...nice? He sounds happy.”
The corners of Remus’ lips tugged up in a small smile at that. “Yeah. That’s good.”
“Huh?”
“He didn’t seem his usual self in the past few streams. I’m just glad he’s ok, is all.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw how Sirius’ hands gripped his knees tightly, slipping through the holes in his jeans. Remus watched in silence but, just when he was about to ask what was going on, the video changed. A small square appeared on one of the corners, showing a man sitting in a chair, not much to see in the background, his face covered with the black dog that was his signature logo. Remus sat up straighter. It wasn’t often that Padfoot appeared in his videos and he couldn’t help the interest that sparked inside him whenever it happened. He scanned the small image until something caught his eye.
“Huh? ...Wait. That’s—” Remus froze for a second before promptly throwing his phone to the other end of the couch. “Oh my God.” He covered his mouth, feeling the pull of his mouth as a grin lit up his face, his wide eyes not leaving the small device lying innocently face up. “Oh my God, oh my God.”
“What happened?”
Remus turned to see Sirius looking at him with a confused little smile, probably wondering if he was still drunk or just bonkers.
“He...he’s wearing my merch. My merch.” And one of his favourite hoodies from the collection, at that. “How—How does he even know about me? I know he likes to keep in shape but…”
The faintest blush crossed Sirius’ cheeks. He rubbed his hands together, looking down at them and then back up at Remus’ still astounded face. He took a deep breath and exhaled in one go. “You know, I’m...” He trailed off, mouth opening and closing a few times.
Remus tried to bring his thoughts back to the room, to the man in front of him and not the one on the screen. He bent forward to grab the discarded phone, his mind still reeling as he paused the video. “Yeah?” he prompted Sirius to go on when he straightened back up, smile still in place—he wasn’t sure he could wipe it off even if he wanted to.
Sirius’ grey eyes roamed his face, then went to the phone in his hands before they finally settled on his bright expression and he sighed, smiling and shaking his head. “No, nevermind.”
Remus tilted his head, but Sirius simply shrugged. “Are you sure? You can say it, whatever it is.”
“I don’t think it’s the right time,” Sirius admitted, letting his head fall back as he worried his lip.
Curiosity flared up, dazzling and hot, and Remus tried to water it down, unwilling to trespass Sirius’ boundaries. Instead, he looked down and tried to organise his whirring mind, eyes going to the clock on his phone. “Fuck,” he muttered. He really wanted to finish watching and keep talking with Sirius, but it was getting late. “I should probably get going.”
“Oh,” Sirius blinked as he raised his head up. “You can stay if you want to.”
“No, I…” Remus stood up. “I should go get the key from Leo. I will probably see both his mom and mine, which means it won’t be a short visit and I’d like to be at the clinic as soon as possible.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Stopping midstep, Remus turned to look at Sirius, eyebrows raised. “Come with me?”
“Yeah, to the clinic? You are not too fond of them.”
It wasn’t a question, but Remus replied anyway, surprised that Sirius had caught on to that at all. “No, I’m not,” he said, dumbfounded. He shook his head. “But it’s ok, you did a lot for me already.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Remus, anyone in my place would have done the same.”
No, they wouldn’t.
“It’s fine, really. Leo will probably come with me,” he said. He wasn’t sure how Sirius could think that everyone was that selfless, that any person would have helped an almost stranger without thinking it was too much effort. Remus chose not to say anything about it, knowing fully well that was not the case.
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just-some-gt-trash · 4 years
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26.-Collect
The prompt list was made by @hiddendreamer67
This is the third part of 12.-Accident and 17.-Obey
TW: yelling, crying, panic atack mention, guilt
Virgil’s computer had been on for an hour, an empty page of word on it, his music sounding on the background, he had to write a poem or essay or whatever reflecting the insecurities in the world and how did he felt about them.
The school had gone crazy since Roman’s mysterious disappearance, talks about kidnappings and the school council offered therapies sessions for the students that felt insecure or other feelings they wanted to express.
Virgil had had at least one panic attack every day for the past week, ending on a couple of objects shrinking, he felt guilty most of the time but didn’t want to show vulnerability in front of Roman, he had to fear him, he had to regret everything he did to him.
He groaned and hit his head on the keyboard, here was nothing he could express on his work, how was he supposed to write about how he shrunk Roman and was keeping him as a pet in order to get revenge?
Roman raised his sight at the sound, he had learned to listen and do everything Virgil said, the fear of becoming even smaller was not the only thought on his head, Virgil could do anything to him a this size, and Roman had no way to stop him, however, his personality didn’t really matched with him, he had to stay quiet if Virgil didn’t spoke to him, and for him it was very hard to not give his opinion, especially since Virgil had the habit of talking to himself.
“Do you need help?” He asked unconsciously, Virgil raised his head and looked at him, Roman realised what he had done “I-Im sorry... Just forget what I said I-I didn’t mean to...”
“No” Virgil opened the terrarium door and reached to grab Roman “you could actually be useful for this” he took the shrunken guy out of his prison and left him in front of his computer.
Roman tried not to struggle on Virgil’s grip until he was freed “M-Me?... How?”
“You’re creative, I need to write something about how I feel about your disappearance or something like that”
“My disappearance...” he turned to see the screen and the keyboard “well, I can’t write about how you feel if I don’t know” Roman turned to face Virgil again “how you feel” he finished his sentence.
Virgil huffed and rolled his eyes “That doesn’t matter, everyone lies on this stuff”
Roman sighed “right” he turned back to the computer and after figuring out how, he started to write, he had to jump from key to key, he stopped when he heard Virgil trying not to laugh and turned once again to face him “What?”
“It’s just ‘The school doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore’ that doesn’t sound like me”
“Well, I barely know you and you don’t want to tell me how you feel”’ Roman crossed his arms as he walked to the erase key “It’s obvious it’s not going to sound lie you”
Virgil groaned and pressed the erase key aggressively just in front of Roman “Again with the feelings? Why is that so important?”
Roman yelped and fell on one of the keys “Yes again with them! And I can’t believe you’re feeling nothing while you keep me trapped here!”
“Oh you think I’m not feeling anything?! Of course I am! I literally kidnapped you and I have hide my panic attacks when my house was my confort zone but now I can’t show any weakness in front of you because you’re supposed to fear me!”
Roman was shocked, he looked down and stayed silent, Virgil took a deep breath and stopped his rage before he shrunk something else “Great, and now you know, go on, make fun of me, tease me or whatever”
“Virgil...” he stood up and walked to him slowly “I thought you hated me...”
“I do”
“What?”
“I despise you, do you know how hard it is to fit in when you start panicking out of sudden in the middle of a class? Nobody wanted to be friend of the anxious boy in middle school, after that my panic attacks stopped being frequent, but you know what brought them back? You, I couldn’t walk in the hall without fearing you would come to shove me in a locker where I would have to wait until I got the courage to ask for help, I was starting to think somebody would want to be friends with me, but in a matter of days I was the anxious boy that nobody liked again, all because of one person,, who insisted on being cruel to the wrong person”
“I-I...” Roman backed away from Virgil “I had no idea... I-I was being a dork wasn’t I? I don’t think I even had a reason to tease you...’ he laughed awkwardly “‘Maybe you’re right and I deserve this! I was just ruining your life and now you’re ruining mine!” He leaned on the screen and slid until he was sitting “And I’m going insane here...” he hugged his knees “I’m going to be trained to be a nice little pet and just listen and obey...”
Virgil’s expression changed “Roman...” he cupped Roman and brought him close to his chest petting his back “I’m sorry”
“Don’t apologise” Roman grabbed Virgil’s shirt as he cried “This is all my fault...”
“Maybe, but you don’t have to share the guilt, and I promise you won’t be a pet anymore”
Roman sniffed “I should... you don’t have to stop my punishment... I deserve it”
Virgil frowned and continued to pet Roman’s back, he wasn’t going to stop now that this idea was on his head, he looked around his room trying to think on what to do, he carefully placed Roman back on the terrarium, he had just given him a small cloth and some cotton balls for a bed... maybe he should start with that, he closed the terrarium’s door “Wait here, I have to go get something”
He stood up and got out of the room, the idea of revenge no longer on his mind, the only thing he wanted now was to help Roman, but for that, he had some stuff to collect.
To be continued...
Taglist:
@snekky-boi
@agentblackkat
@brain-deadx0
@notkolaidoscop
@tiny-peter-rabbit
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furaflictedhost · 4 years
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An alternative WKM
I am not sure what else to say, besides I know AHWM just came out, but here. Have my strange alternate version of WKM. Brief warning, I am not a very good author, and I wrote this a while ago, but I hope you enjoy.
Content warnings: self harm, delusions, possible sanity problems, extremely old writing,if I missed any let me know
She couldn't remember the last time she saw him cry, and frankly, she didn’t care.
He was sobbing, and she just stood there, watching her husband cry at her feet.
Mark looked up at Celine, tears flowing freely from his sleepless and sunken eyes. “I’m so sorry…”
She shook her head, only to vanish into the darkness that surrounded them, leaving him alone, stranded in a nightmare.
Mark woke up screaming. He sat bolt upright, and clutched his pillow close to his chest, attempting to stop the free flow of tears on his face. His eyes darted around, catching sight of his room around him.
The silence was deafening as he climbed out of bed, throwing his robe on over the simple pajamas. One of the many turntables in the manor crackled to life, Mark putting a record on so the silence was shattered.
The window ledge seemed particularly inviting, so he opened the window, and sat there, looking out over the vastness of the garden and courtyard. The cold breeze that fluttered over him calmed the tenacity of nightmares, pale moonlight washing out his already pale skin.
“I can’t remember what it was like, Before all this madness.”
The demon perched next to him, watching over his shoulders.
“Why do you continue to stall? They deserve this.”
Mark closed his eyes, seeing only darkness, and fearing that the darkness would eventually cloud his judgement.
“Because I would rather she be happy then get revenge, And they were my childhood friends, they don’t deserve this.”
It vanished, leaving him alone once again. He glanced over the closet, thinking about the revolver that he kept in there. Perhaps...No. The knife would be a better option, not to mention quieter.
He rifled through his dresser, and pulling a dagger from its sheath in the boundless depths of his clothes. The ringing in his ears only getting louder as he pulled down the sleeve of his robe, exposing the skin of his wrists.
He slowly pressed the blade to his skin, relishing the sweet feeling of pain.
Mark woke up with the blade still sheathed in his lower abdomen. He can’t remember what happened the previous night. Sitting up, he discovered he was sitting in a pool of his own blood.
How was he not dead? Lucky, he guessed. The butler was shocked when he walked in, only to see Mark attempting to pull the knife from his lower chest, and mistook this for him stabbing himself. He panicked, and ran over, assisting him with the removal.
“What happened?”
Mark glanced up at him, and shrugged. “I tripped.” was his simple reply. He didn't know why he lied, it was bound to happen again. Benjamin bandaged the wound, and set to work cleaning the blood from the hardwood floor.
Mark didn’t bother changing, only heading to the downstairs balcony. The pool seemed welcoming, perhaps a swim later. He looked over the edge of the balcony, and out onto the small golf course.
He spotted a small figure dressed in tan standing out in the field. Mark quickly recognised the Colonel, and grimaced. He was fairly certain that it was he who ran off with his wife.
The Colonel walked over, having noticed the other man.
“Mark! How are things? I haven't seen you much since i heard about you and Celine, it seems you're always hold up in that manner of yours, or your room when I visit.” The flamboyant man slung an arm around his shoulders.
Mark replied simply “Im fine, everything's fine. Why are you here?”
WIlliam could tell nothing was fine, but by god, the man's wife just left him, so he didn't press.
“I'm here with Mr. Mayor.He wanted to come see you, and I can’t say no those adorable puppy dog eyes.”
Mark nodded, only to see Mayor Damien walk from the house, walking over to join them near the edge. His was twisting his cane between his hands as he spoke.
“There you are, Mark. I came to check on you. You have been very… antisocial as of late.”
Mark smiled. The one friend he felt had not turned on him. “Hello, Damien. Im assure you, im fine, just a little tired. How are you?”
Damien smiled, going to stand next to William. “I am well, actually. It's been an interesting last few weeks.”
Mark raised an eyebrow as William laced an arm around Damiens back as the Mayor spoke.
He played up his facade of being alright. “Well? Care to tell me?”
Damien smiled shyly. “Well, for instance… I am in a relationship now, along with the fact that I finally got the grant for the school that they have been asking for.”
Mark grinned, “and whos the lucky Gal?”
Damien glanced down. “Gent, actually. William and I are Dating.”
Mark nearly died all over again. “You and Will? Good job Will, But I didn't peg you for being bi.” A wry smirk spread across his lips
William grinned. “Im Gay, Dami is Bi.” He corrected.
Mark was extremely confused, but very happy at the same time. William cant have taken off with Celine if he was with Damien, because Damien would watch him like a hawk. He felt… a lot better.
He smiled, and patted Damien on the shoulder. “Your lucky.” he turned to William, and playfully said “Don't you hurt him, or i'll have to hunt you down, and I can't imagine what Celine would do to you.”
William laughed. “She would tear out my heart and feed it to me, I can tell you that much.”
They talked for a while, before it was eventually decided that the couple would be sleeping over. Mark sat on the balcony railing after they went inside. He felt the cool breeze once again, but it felt more calming than usual.
He turned, and nearly fell off the balcony. Celine was standing a few feet away, and was staring at him, worry evident on her face at him appearance.
“Mark? What are you doing?”
Mark slowly walked towards her, as if he was afraid she would vanish. He pulled her into a hug, that she graciously accepted.
“Hey, Mark? Why Are you crying? You knew I was coming back, right?”
Mark pulled away suddenly, looking at her square in the face. “I received a note in your handwriting saying that you didn't love me, and had found another man, William. I had reason to assume you weren't coming home.”
Celine looked shocked. “I left you a note, but it said nothing of the sort. I left to help Damien ease into his new relationship with William, and I knew I had to leave early, so I left you a note explaining that very thing, and that I would be gone for a few weeks.”
Mark started crying, hugging her close again. “I'm just glad your home…” She patted him, and then asked where the note was. He nodded, leading her up to his study. He dug through the notes for the most recent movie, only to produce a note, handing it to her.
She read the note, frowning deeply. “I fear this may have been tampered with by outside forces.”
Mark looked up at her from his chair. “Like what?”
She turned to him. “Have you been hearing voices around the house?”
He nodded, explaining the weird but tolerable house demon that kept bugging him at late hours.
Celine looked worried. “The Entity. This could be the reason.”
He shrugged, taking in the sight of his beloved Celine. There was silence between the two of them, but that was enough said. Unspoken words lead the two outside again. There was a nod from Celine, and Mark smirked, and grabbed her hand, leaping into the pool, dragging her in with him.
She laughed in surprise, and at the fact that Mark got tangled in his robe, before removing it for movement under water. She was swimming in a dress, so she wasn't in much better shape.
Mark laughed at her struggles, and swam under her, picking her up bridal style, and swimming to surface.
It was a pleasant swim, and the two were now laying under the summer stars. Laughter drifted up to the heavens as the two talked. Eventually the conversation died, Celine having had fallen asleep. The bigger man picked her up, and carried her up to their shared room, drying her off, and laying her on the king sized bed.
Instead of laying down next to her, he went and sat on the window cill, once again looking out over the garden. He smiled, and stepped down, closing the window. That time was over. He laid down on his side of the bed, cuddling up with the smaller female. He found himself falling asleep much easier that night.
Celine woke up the next morning cuddled into a very broad chest.
She started only to realize she was home, and that was just Mark. Celine laughed slightly, and poked him, waking the slumbering male. He snorted,and blinked blearily, looking down at her, a happy smile spreading across his face. “G’,morning, Celine.”
She smiled. “Good morning, Mark. You are very warm.”
He laughed, and let her move, pulling his arms back, only to have her pull him back.
“You aren't going anywhere, buster.” He laughed, snuggling up to her.
Tears pricked at the edges of his eyes as he inhaled her scent, it calming his nerves. He didn’t want to ever move, she was safe, happy and warm where he could be with her, and no one would take her from him.
It was perfect.
A little too perfect, hmm?
I don’t know how to link it, but there is a part 2 with...angst? Sort of.
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heyyyyadora · 5 years
Link
I haven’t written in a while but finally I can post my Secret Santa gift to @caprisunns based off their amazing prompt image of Literal Big Furry Catra
really indulged in this one cause im a big slut for supernatural AUs
“Okay, go ahead! Coast’s clear.”
“Adora… I don’t know.”
“Come on, Catra, it’ll be fine! It’ll be awesome, actually! You deserve to have a good time.”
“I just… I don’t know, it still feels weird. Bad.”
This was Adora’s idea, of course. She knew Catra hated having to be stuck in such a feeble frame (as she put it), day-in-day-out, suppressing herself, her instincts, her self. As much as she protested she was fine, she was okay, it was just the way of things, Adora could sense her buzzing with need, the drive, to just let herself go.
She didn’t get on too well with most of the supernatural community. She’d… made kind of a name for herself. She had a couple of fae friends, maybe, but only one was more than a loose acquaintance and was kind of a bit much to deal with all-in-all.
But she still had a right to find a space that she could be who she needed to be, a safe space. And now Adora was in her life there was no way that she wasn’t going to be there for Catra, to be her support and help her find happiness and health.
“Catra, you will not be the weirdest looking girl in the house. In fact I think for once I’ll actually stick out the most of the two of us.”
“Well, you are pretty freaky lookin’…”
“Oh, you are not going to bait me into responding to that, I’m not falling for it! Now go on… I’ll look away.”
“I mean, heh… it’s not like I mind you looking.”
“Psh… just do it, okay?”
Catra sighed and nodded, and Adora turned her back to the girl to stare at the alley wall. “Just tell me when you’re ready.”
Okay, Catra. Relax. You’re like, the most confident person out of everyone you know. Not to mention the most terrifying. Not like anyone would dare to mess with you now, let alone when… ugh. Okay. She put the bag she carried down and slowly started to undress. This was… the most annoying part of it all, really, that moment where you’re all gross and fleshy and exposed. It did encourage her to get on with it, though.
Catra breathed slowly in, then out. Then, trying her best to stay relaxed, she summoned herself up from deep within.
Her hands were first. It was a tingle in her fingers that spread up the back of them, like static electricity buzzing up her arms. It took a few seconds then slowly, barely noticeably at first, a few dark hairs began to appear… then more and more. Not a second or two later the same sensation began in her feet, then at the back of her neck.
As the fur grew so, too, did the underlying flesh and bone. This went in reverse to the fur, starting from her back and shoulders, which grew longer and wider; her neck, thicker, along with her thighs. She sneezed as whiskers sprouted from the sides of her nose and, immediately after, her face followed the lead of the rest of her body, stretching out and expanding; soon her nose was a snout that extended out under her eyes. Her vision blurred a little and she had to blink a few times to focus properly; the colours of the world were changing, growing less vivid, but she could see much further in the dim evening light than was possible just a few seconds ago.
A minute later from when it began she finally exhaled the breath she’d been holding, a good foot and a half higher from the ground than before. She flexed her claws, brushed them through the mane around her neck, guided some rebellious fur out of her eyes and ears.
“I’m done.” Her voice was deeper than before, rougher. She wasn’t used to the feeling of her tongue in her mouth, but at the same time her whole body felt looser, more relaxed, more natural. This was her. This was Catra. This was how she’d be all the time if she could.
Adora turned slowly, her eyes trailing up to meet Catra’s as she broke out into a grin. Immediately she reached up and offered a gentle scratch at the fluffy fur around Catra’s neck.
“You look great.”
Catra couldn’t suppress a purr but batted the hand away with a rumble in her throat. “Don’t push it.”
Her thick tail flicked with agitation and she shifted nervously from paw to paw. “Let’s go inside, quick.”
Adora bundled Catra’s human clothes into the bag and zipped it up before taking it up on her shoulder. Still smiling she took Catra’s hand, curling her fingers around just one of hers. Then she guided Catra out of the Alley and down the steps of the club to start their night proper.
As they stepped inside immediately they were hit in the face by the usual sights and sounds of a thriving nightclub – though of course a few of the sights were not so standard at all: vampires dancing with werewolves; fairies chatting up demons; dragons and mandrakes and kelpies alike drinking each other under the tables peppered with supernatural creatures of all shapes, sizes and colours.
Catra’s eyes hurt.
“Oh! There they are!” Adora chirped up and led Catra by the paw to one of the tables where two people were sat- well, one of them was, at least. Some sort of bird or angel girl with pink, sparkling hair and fluffy white wings she was obviously struggling to stay comfortable with as they pressed into the back of her seat. The other wasn’t sat at all because, well, there was no suitable means for him to achieve it with the body of a horse. He was the first to look up and call out brightly.
“Adora! Hey!”
“Hi, Bow! Hi, Glimmer! Sorry, we had some stuff to sort out real quick.”
“It’s cool! We got drinks already.” Bow looked from Adora, to Catra, to Adora again. His grin never faltered but he was clearly waiting.
“Oh- Catra, this is Bow! Bow, this is Catra.”
“Hiiiii, Catra! So cool to meet you!”
“Hey.” Catra offered plainly. Bow’s hand hovered in front of her. She grunted and took it in a paw to shake hands, which he did far too enthusiastically.
“Aaaaand this is Glimmer!” Adora next indicated the winged glitterbomb that had been too busy looking at Catra to say anything. “Glimmer? This is Catra!”
“Ohhh, hey, yeah, hi.” She was similarly curt which ticked Catra off. They shook hands too but with much less vigor from either side.
“Sure.”
“Sooooooooo,” Bow cut through the ice like a pro, annoyingly. “How long have you been seeing each other?”
“Bow! I told you all this stuff already!” Adora huffed.
“I know, I know! But I wanna hear it from Catra too! Besides, maaaaybe there’s some stuff you left out…” He wiggled his eyebrows and Adora snorted. Catra just sighed.
“Like… a month.”
“Aaaaaand? How did you meet?”
“…I’d got my fur stuck on her fence.”
Adora sniggered but Bow didn’t – he looked delighted, actually.
“And she totally didn’t freak out because she’d already met me and Glimmer, right?”
“I guess. I figured she must have been crazy but she was super cool about it all. Took me in her place and patched up a load of my cuts. I was too… shocked, I guess, to stop her.”
“So she knew you were a fae from the start?”
“Maybe. I dunno. But it probably gave it away when she went away for a minute and came back to find a naked girl raiding her wardrobe covered in barbed wire cuts.”
Adora choked. Bow clapped his hands joyfully. Even Glimmer gurgled into her drink a little bit. Catra raised her eyebrow at Adora. “You left that part out, huh?”
“Well, yeah! For your dignity, I thought!”
“Adora. I have no dignity.”
Bow, meanwhile, was beaming at the two of them, “Awwwww, but seriously, that’s so cute! Like an actual fairytale!”
“Bow, literally everyone here is like an actual fairytale.”
“It’s so romantic though!”
Catra sniggered. “Well, it probably would be less romantic if you knew I was gonna raid one of your horses…”
“You what?” Adora’s gaze locked onto her in outrage.
“I’m a cat, Adora! And when I get a big hunger, I gotta eat something big!”
“You are staying away from my horse field.”
“Soooooo, anyway!” Bow chimed in again. “That’s kinda how Adora and I met! And Glimmer, through me. She was just so like… obsessed with some of my herd, I was kinda sorta super flattered. So I like, begged Glimmer to say I should go up to her and well… she did kinda freak out, but in a sorta…” He put on his best Horse-Freak-Adora voice. “‘Oh-my-god-you-are-amazing-is-this-real-am-I-dreaming-etcetera-etcetera…’”
Adora put a hand over her face, blushing. “I do not sound like that.”
“Yeah, you totes do.”
“Okay! Well. Now that we’re all introduced! Catra and I are going to go and get drinks!” Adora was blushing harder by the second and moved quickly away from the table. Catra shrugged and followed, a slight smirk on her face.
“Okay! Seeya guys later!” Bow cheered after them.
“Later.” Was the only word from Glimmer.
They navigated the crowd slowly, a tricky task given the added difficulty of additional limbs sprouting in front of you at the worst of times, plus having to avoid stepping on the number of patrons who were less than a foot tall at times.
“Sorry about Glimmer. She’s… usually chattier than that. I dunno what’s up with her.”
“I caught her once.”
“You…” Adora stopped and looked at Catra. “You caught her?”
“She looked like a bird.”
“You were going to eat her?”
“I let her go, duh.” Catra shrugged it off like it was no big deal.
“Wh… why didn’t you say anything?!”
“I wasn’t gonna embarrass her in front her friends, Adora.”
“But…” Adora couldn’t argue with it and she decided against it. “…Fine. Okay. That’s cool. My girlfriend tried to eat my best friend.”
“I caught her, Adora, I didn’t try to eat her. Don’t be weird about it.”
“Don’t be…!” She stopped and just gripped Catra’s paw tighter, lurching forward for the bar. “I need a drink so bad.”
“Yeah… you and me both.”
“What? What is it?”
Catra sighed. She nodded her head to a small group that was at a booth to the left of the bar. The most notable of them was the Spriggan, a tree-person who had to crouch for her head not to be reaching the ceiling. She had long, wavy vines for hair with flowers tangled into them. With her was a human man who was entirely focusing his attention on the third person… a girl with dark, leathery scaled skin and terrifyingly sharp teeth, like those of an angler-fish or other deep-sea terror. Catra’s eyes were on her and they were filled with all number of mixed emotions.
“You okay?” Adora pushed in gently, noticing her distraction.
Catra snapped out of it, looking back to her girlfriend. Her shoulders sagged for a second. “Yeah. It’s nothing, forget it.”
“Who’s that?”
“Ugh… look, I told you I’ve not got a lot of fae friends right now. She’s…” She sighed. “She’s part of that. The fish girl. She’s… my ex-girlfriend.”
“Oh, god.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Catra.” Adora took both of her paws and looked her in the eyes. Despite Adora’s entirely mundane aura, just this once they seemed to glow with an unseen fire. “You are going to have a good time with me, and Bow, and yeah Glimmer once we get past the whole thing that I’m sure she’s totally actually cool about. You don’t have anything to worry about with her, or her friends or anyone she might think she knows here. She is not going to ruin your night.”
Catra looked back at Adora and swallowed. Her heart rose up to her throat a little and she had to push it back down hard. Eventually she offered a weak little smile. “I know. Just, like…” She paused for breath again, giving only the briefest of looks over to the deep-sea girl before Adora pulled her gaze back. “…It’s not her I’m worried about. It’s me. Can you… can you promise me- promise you won’t let me ruin my night?” Adora looked at her with such pure care and sympathy she wanted to die a little. “No, seriously. She’s… she’s okay. She’s cool. I just- don’t let me start anything. Keep me away from her. Please?”
Her response was a tender little kiss to the side of her face and a brush through her mane that got a soft rumble in response.
“Yeah, of course. Come on, Catra.”
She let her wonderful girlfriend she had to fight hard to believe she deserved, take her to the bar. Their night started right here.
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nctverse · 6 years
Text
imagine if jeno had a crush on you…
im crying i meant to post this ages ago but tumblr is a bitch
 hey, its finally here though
anonymous asked:
can i request a jeno scenario/headcanon where he has a crush on you (and you have a crush in him too) and tries to make you understand but you've never been in a relationship so you're oblivious to his attempts and you just think he's just behaving weirdly ? Thankkks💞 - hp anon (who is still crying over the fact that you've never read/watched harry potter)
genre: fluff
words: 1.5k+  i usually dont write long things but do you guys want my fics to be longer or shorter??
masterlist
i honestly don’t think he’d really be shy of his feelings per say
who am i kidding
hes a shy goofy and awkward mess
but its the endearing, comical awkwardness that always seems to lighten the mood and make you smile
he wants to tell you but
1: he doesn’t know if you like him back
2: he doesn’t know how to tell you
so he just kinda hopes you’ll figure it out and catch on
but alas
the two most oblivious people on the planet just have to have feeling for each other
so of course hes trying so hard to get you to notice but some?? how?? you?? aren’t??
okay so onto the actual story part
jeno was thinking all day on how he could possibly find a way to convince you to hangout with him for the 5th time that week without seeming mega creepy
even though it would be hard for him to seem creepy to you since he’s your best friend
plus you liked him 
then it hit him
he immediately sent you a cute short text
“hey can i pick you up in like an hour and a half i wanna go to the mall but i don’t wanna be alone”
he typed out the next message but hesitated before finally he was hit with a sudden wave of confidence, biting his tongue and pressing send 
“… and i miss you”
he tossed his phone after sending the message and covered his cute blushy face.   
he couldn’t believe that he suddenly had the courage to send that message, but he didn’t regret it at all
when you read the message your heart LEAPED
but of course you being you, you brushed off the message saying that hes just trying to be a good friend for you because that’s what friends do right?
you responded excitedly, not further questioning the meaning behind his confession as you felt you had come to a sensible conclusion on your own, typing out “of course, dummy. ill be ready!! i miss you too :(”
once jeno read your response, his smile faded slightly
he was slightly upset you didn’t read his attempts, but he couldn’t be too frustrated since he wasn’t being direct either.
he shrugged off the negative feeling, and decided to focus on the fact that he gets to see you again
he figured there will be another chance for him to drop another hint while you guys were out anyway
the mall trip was definitely an adventure
you both started out walking around with drinks, have cute casual conversations filled with laughter and teasing
him, being the gentleman he is, offered to help you find clothes to buy as you always loved having a second opinion
he walked into the store with you, helping to search the racks.
not long after he pulls out a silky button down shirt in your size
you chuckled “you and your button ups” teasing him since he basically drowns himself in a plethora of button up shirts
 nonetheless, the shirt was stunning
he handed you the shirt and you added it to the small pile of clothes you have collected to try on before heading that way, motioning for jeno to follow you
he sat in a chair outside the dressing room
he had to wait outside the dressing room for obvious reasons but he insisted that you come out and show him what the outfit look like
You go in and change into the first of 2 outfits
you come out, a little embarrassed under his stare as he critiques the outfit, but he thought you were so captivating.
he had nothing negative to say
he thought you couldn’t possibly look any better than you did standing in front of him in that outfit
until you tried on the one he chose
when you stepped out in that silky button down shirt he chose, his jaw dropped.
literally
flustered at his reaction, you quickly ran up to him placing a hand on his chin, pushing upwards, effectively shutting his mouth
your other hand naturally cupped his cheek
“close your mouth you dork!” you whispered quite loudly, your face mere inches away from him
his hand instinctively came up and rested on top of the hand that rested against his cheek
his gaze fixated on your beautiful eyes, level with his since you had to lean over a bit to accommodate for the height difference as he was sitting and you were standing
his stare was intense, drenched in enamor
there was no way for you to hide the intense blush that crept upon your cheeks
finally, against your deep desire, you pulled away, standing back up straight, his hand falling back down to his side
“okay i’m gonna change back then we can check out” you managed to speak with only minimal stammering before retreating back into the dressing room.
you shut the door before turning around and resting your back against it, hand coming up to comfort the fast beat of your heart against your chest.
this was like heaven and hell for you
you were so confused by his actions because in your book it was impossible for him to have feelings for you
but at the same time you of course liked him 
you just hated how it felt as if he was playing with you, even though you knew he would never do that
jeno sat on the chair, now alone, mentally beating himself up for not confessing right then and there
at least he knew for sure that he was gonna do it before you went home.
after finally collecting yourself you changed out of the outfit, putting back on your own clothes
you knew for sure that you were buying those two outfits not even just because jeno loved them on you, but because you loved them on you too
you draped the two outfit over your arm,opening the door to exit the dressing room, mentally preparing yourself to face jeno again
as you exited, jeno approached you with his usual smile, offering to carry the clothes for you as if you two weren’t milliseconds away from kissing a couple minutes earlier
you took him up on his offer, handing him the clothes before walking with him to the check out line
the line was empty so you both walked straight up to the cashier, jeno handed them the clothes before proceeding to step in front of the card reader
 you took out your wallet nudging him with your hip with a cute “excuse me” thinking he was unintentionally in the way until he also takes his wallet.
“jeno you don’t have to-” you started, catching his drift before he cuts you off “well i mean i kinda dragged you here, plus,” he looks at you as the cashier scans the last item, “i want to.”
jeno’s eyes whip back to the card reader as the cashier announced the total, sliding his card in with absolutely zero hesitation
you huffed, putting your wallet back in your bag and briefly wrapping your arms around his waist, thanking him before taking the bag of clothes from the cashiers extended arm
after walking around the mall a bit more you guys finally decided to get going as it was getting late
the walk home was a short one but you guys wanted to take a slightly longer route in order to milk the time you both had together
you began to get slightly fed up with jeno acting as if nothing happened so you finally decided to confront him about it
“ hey, what happened back at the store? are you just gonna pretend like nothing happened?” your voice slightly weak as you were totally clueless as to how he would respond
“actually no i wasn’t, i was hoping you would catch on but obviously your didn’t,” jeno teases before becoming more serious “I like you. i dont know how you haven’t noticed, but i really like you. sometimes it feels like im going to burst-” jeno began to ramble slightly, contrary to his usual persona
you cut off his words by reaching out for his hand, intertwining your fingers, for the first time as more than just friends
he looked at you, his naturally beautiful smile lighting the sky better than any star, receiving and cherishing every feeling you attempted so send through your warm touch
he stepped towards you, so you were finally facing each other rather than beside each other, bringing his face close to yours
he paused for a moment, breath ghosting over your face like a feather, wanting to make sure you were entirely comfortable before he proceeded
his answer was clear as you looked back into his eyes with the same, unimaginable level of enamor that dripped from his gaze
he leaned in slowly, wanting to savor the innocent intimacy, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek as your unoccupied hand rested against his chest
the moment you felt his lips against yours was when you felt your whole world change for the better
as if time stopped and every single planet and star in existence aligned just for you
your stress seemingly fading away as you fell harder than you ever thought you possibly could
you already knew he was gonna be the death of you, in the best way possible.
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zammiefan · 7 years
Text
weight loss journey
So this past summer I decided to take control of my health again. 
At the end of May I weighed myself and realized that I had gained 30 pounds in about 2 1/2 years. This was due to overeating, eating out a ton, lack of exercise, and a lot of other issues. I figured that enough was enough and decided to take action. I weighed 145 lbs in late May/early June, which doesn’t seem like a lot to most people, but because im only 5 ft tall, I was officially “overweight”. I felt it too, I couldn’t sleep, I was sluggish, stairs were a huge challenge, my clothes didn’t fit. I even had to go 4 sizes up in my pants because they wouldn’t fit. 
Just started to swap out sugary drinks with just plain water. No more eating out, or at least only very rarely. I had to start learning to cook and can do basic dishes now. Started taking walks with my dog almost daily (I can actually run about 3/4 of a mile without stopping which I was never able to do), doing zumba once or twice a week, yoga once a week. 
Weighed myself earlier this week, and I am now at 127 lbs!!! I lost around 18 pounds in about 3 months! I am officially back into a healthy weight range. 
All thanks to the fact that I made small changes first. I did things that I could handle, like drinking more water, walking my dog, and passing on all the extra snacking. As time went on, I began to cook more, learning slowly and trying out different recipes. I incorporated more veggies and  started cutting down on servings of rice, beans, bread, pasta. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally had a piece of bread again. Strangely enough, I don’t really miss it. 
My brain and body have begun to get rewired and now I actually like salad and eating healthier foods. Who knew I would EVER like kale, brussels sprouts, broccoli salad?? Who knew I would ever stop eating pasta and instead make noodles out of zucchini and eggplant? It was all these small changes, incorporating them slowly into my diet, so as not to overwhelm myself. It was tough, especially when everyone else was stuffing themselves with cake and chips and soda, and I could only have watermelon and water and zucchini. I’m allowing myself to enjoy a bowl of cereal every now and then, or a bite of brownie, but I also don’t crave them as much. 
Thanks to school starting up again, I can take fitness classes at my university. I just started cycling about 3 weeks ago, came out of class Wednesday feeling amazing and did not wake up the slightest bit sore the following day. I just started lifting weights and am excited to continue. Going to have to check out other classes as well. 
I don’t look like a model or anything.  I still have soft flesh around my middle (my definite problem area), my arms are still flabby, my triple chin is now a double chin, my stomach still sticks out a bit over my pants and I’m still slightly at risk of being overweight, so I will continue. I feel stronger, happier, and in awe of what my body can do. I’m going to keep going. I don’t care if the scale doesn’t show lower numbers, I want to tone my body, I want to see what else I can do (not just physically but mentally. The number of days that I can’t get out of bed have gone down, it’s easier at times to cope with the loss of my aunt, I’ve had better mental health days). I also want to find great-tasting healthy recipes. 
Note: 
I do not support weight loss by starvation. I just made healthier eating decisions and cutout highly processed foods for more greens and fresh food. I at no point starved myself, just made myself stay away from sugary/fatty foods and exercised regularly. 
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short-horror-hits · 7 years
Text
Dan’s New Plan
Fredrick worked hard for years and once he saved up enough money to buy a little summer cabin, he immediately called a number in the paper he found that said someone wanted to sell an old small house with a decent amount of property. He figured the price was so good that the house must be unlivable, but he had the money to fix up or even rebuild. So he called the number given and met up with the realtor. 
Down a long, windy dirt road there was the small, broken down, old rotting house surrounded by an iron fence. The shingles were falling off the roof. All of the windows but one were broken. Thick spider webs lined most of one side of the house. Closely scattered patches of grass remained in the yard waist high (except for a narrow path from the driveway to the basement door in the back). However, about 25 yards away from the house was a large section of healthy looking bright green grass surrounded by mushrooms and little yellow flowers. It was as if for years only this section was fertilized for some reason. The grass was much lower here as well.
The realtor, named Dan, who was showing Fredrick the property seemed normal at first, but Fred remembered feeling a bit uneasy after a while. He looked normal enough, he had slicked back blonde hair, a business mans reassuring smile and a tall slender frame. He wore an expensive looking suit and tie and big dark sunglasses. Everything about him screamed eager salesman. Frederick wasn't quite sure when it happened but at some point Dan started to disperse this weird vibe. Almost like a kid who just got a new toy or video game. Frederick didn't quite feel right.
All of these things are what Frederick last remembered about the property he wished to purchase and the man showing him the house before he somehow fell unconscious and woke up in the full size basement he had been so attracted to in the ad.
Fredrick grunted and sluggishly tried to sit up but failed. He was strapped down tightly to a hard metal table. His mouth was filled with a cloth or something and duct taped shut. He felt weak and tired and dizzy, but was coming out of it quickly.
He was surrounded by the darkness almost completely. The only glimpse of light was coming from a tiny boarded up window with a little crack between the boards. Fredricks eyes slowly followed the small beam of light across the basement until it was brought to a halt by the by the plastic smile and big thick sunglasses of Dan.
"Finally," Dan exasperated as his face disappeared from the light.
Fredrick could hear him getting closer. Suddenly a light, like one you would see in a dentist office, shined brightly onto Fred’s face. Fredrick's pupils went from dime sized to pinhole so fast it physically hurt. He slammed his eyelids shut.
"Oh that will never do," Dan said as he placed one of his palms on Fredrick's forehead. He then pulled out a small knife from his pocket just as Fredrick opened his eyes to see what was going on.
Dan then began to slowly and dramatically bring down the point of the blade toward Fredrick's left eye.
Fredrick let out what would have been a gut curdling scream if it hadn't been for the gag and duct tape covering his mouth. Instead what was left of the sound of a scream came out of his nose and softly echoed off the dark concrete walls. He started squirming and wiggling as much as he could but there was no pulling free of these restraints.
"Now now," Dan gave Fredrick a playful pat on the head. "Just try to calm down, if you pass out Im just going to wait until you wake up again." He let out a little chuckle.
Passing out was the last thing Fredrick felt like was going to happen. At this point all traces of whatever sedative he was given had vanished and his heart was pounding out of his chest. He had never felt more awake in his life, which unfortunately for him meant he would feel 100 percent of what was about to happen to him.
Dan then fiercely grabbed Fredrick by the throat and again began slowly and dramatically bringing the point of the blade closer and closer to his eye. Fredrick kept screaming and squirming but it didn't help. Finally he closed his eyes when the knife was only about an inch away. He took a long deep breath as he felt the cold sharp metal make contact with the thin soft skin just below his brow. Then, ever so slowly, Fredrick could feel the stainless steel gliding over his eyelid. From the bridge of his nose to his temple he felt his skin slicing open and separating as he began to see the light through it (as well as blood).
After he cut through most of it, it was still hanging on by a thread. He grabbed the eyelid and ripped it off like a band-aid. It was at this moment that Fredrick realized that passing out was definitely a possibility. The pain was almost unbearable. Tears and blood mixed together and trailed past his ear making a little puddle under his head.
"Lets stop that bleeding, shall we?" Dan said smiling bigger than ever now. He reached under the metal table and pulled out a little propane blow torch. He started heating the blade of the knife until it was glowing red.
Fredrick took another long deep breath followed by another nose scream as Dan firmly pressed the red hot blade onto his wound. He almost did pass out this time. The searing awful pain was bad enough, but the fact that he could feel his skin bubble, hear it sizzle......... and the smell of melting human flesh is indescribably nauseating.
Dan tossed the knife aside and pulled out a long thin sewing pin. "Now that that's over with, we can finally have fun."  He held the pin an inch from Fredrick's permanently exposed eyeball and lined the point up with his pupil.
Fredrick would dart his eye to the left, the pin would follow. Then he would snap back to the right, the pin would follow; never actually touching, but just menacingly threatening​ his vision (and sanity). This was almost worse to Fredrick than getting his eyelids cut off and burned. At least that was over with fairly quickly. At this point Dan was just eating his fear and milking the situation. Fredrick knew that long pin would eventually be sliding carefully into his petrified pupil, but the anticipation was what was killing him. This went on, without a word from Dan, for what felt like an eternity to Fredrick.
Finally Dan broke the anxiety ridden silence. "Do you know why there is only a section of the yard that is overcome with mushrooms and nice grass and shit? Its because dead bodies plus lime equals great fertilizer!" He exclaimed with a laugh, the whole time still chasing Fredrick's pupil with the point of the pin. "And there's a lot of bodies in there Fred...... You see, after my father died and left me his house and this camp, I would aimlessly kill people in there and bury them here." His sick smile twisted into an even more sick one. "It was fun Fred.... It really was. But it began to get boring after a while. The last time I truly had fun with it was when a bum decided to use my garage as a place to ride out a bad storm we were having. I brought the body I was about to hack up into the garage and pretended like I didn't know the bum was hiding in the loft. To make a long story short, that was the day I figured out what I was missing out of all this. Its not really the blood I love so much, its more about the sweat."
Just then Dan took a jab at Fredrick's eye with the pin but stopped just before contact. Fredrick jumped a little and let out a frustrating moan.
"You see what I mean?" Dan said matter-of-factly. That plus I never get to see my work again after its buried. But don't get me wrong I still do love the blood.!" he exclaimed as he finally thrust the long pin directly into Fredrick's pupil.
Fredrick let out yet another pained nose scream as his vision in that eye slowly went away.
Dan left the needle in and kept talking. "I've decided that starting with you, I will create beautiful art and send it back into the world. That way I can still see my little masterpieces on the news or social media after I am done with them and maybe even visit them again someday. I realize that I am limited, however, in the way I operate. Between the house and here, if i’m letting people go, I’m bound to be caught quickly. So I’ll have to make my work an on the road thing." He then grabbed a hammer from under the table. "So I might as well get the ball rolling." He lifted the hammer high over his head and brought it down with all his might right on Fredrick's right knee cap.
Fredrick almost didn't even feel it. After getting an eyelid ripped off and a needle in your eye, blunt force trauma is manageable.
Dan then smashed the other knee cap. "Your going to get off easy, well not too easy but more easy than the rest will."
Dan switched off the blinding dentist light above Fredrick's face and swung it aside. He was swallowed up by the darkness. A few seconds later Fredrick heard what sounded like footsteps running up stairs.
It was only a few minutes before Fredrick heard footsteps coming back downstairs. The light flicked back on and there was that big old not so friendly smile again. Now he was holding a steaming teapot.
Fredrick's heart jumped back into his throat. He didn't think he could take another burning especially like that. He shook his head no and pleaded with his good eye the best he could.
"Feel free to tell the cops everything. It doesn't matter anymore. The new game begins. The future looks bright Fred! So bright......."
Dan started to slowly pour the scolding hot water on Fredrick's chest and stomach.
The pain was unimaginable. Fredrick could again feel his skin bubble and melt. He tried to scream louder than ever as he felt his shirt and his skin start to become one. He began to see stars, but no noise came at all this time when he tried to scream. He simply lost consciousness.
Fredrick's good eye slowly crept open and he regained consciousness. The basement was well lit now. He heard voices. He looked around and saw two police officers staring at him with horrified looks on their faces, as if they weren't entirely sure what they were looking at.
One of them grabbed his radio and spoke nervously into it. "Tell the medic we were wrong, he is still alive. Hurry!"
The officer behind him began to vomit uncontrollably in the corner.
Just then Fredrick felt something drip on his forehead. He looked straight up at the ceiling. There, in what he believed to be his own blood, were the words; UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
Written by: Sage
short-horror-hits
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broke-ass-twat · 7 years
Note
all of them . . .
Fuck you and fuck the anonymous asker and lets fucking get this shit started. Also do your goddamn work Izzy.
200: My crush’s name is: Hey Izzy. Because that was such a huge secret199: I was born in: October198: I am really: Bored197: My cellphone company is: AT & T (Are you gonna ask my mother’s maiden name and first pet name now?)196: My eye color is: Brown195: My shoe size is: 11?194: My ring size is: Decently large193: My height is: 6 foot tall god192: I am allergic to: Assholes. And cats and dogs and eggs and milk and eggplant191: My 1st car was: I had a first car?190: My 1st job was: I had a first job?189: Last book you read: The first 6 pages of Cat’s Cradle. Alternatively book 25 of Desolate Era (it’s a Chinese wuxia novel)188: My bed is: Comfortable?187: My pet: Don’t have one186: My best friend: I have several185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and shoulders184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: Chill182: In my pockets: 2 bic pens, typically my phone, wallet, asthma pump, chapstick, and keys181: On my calendar: I don’t really use calendars180: Marriage is: Something I’ll get to179: Spongebob can: Suck my dick (I don’t really get spongebob?)178: My mom: is caring but could use some chill177: The last three songs I bought were? I don’t honestly remember the last time I bought a song. Which is a lie but I don’t know what I bought176: Last YouTube video watched: Vaguely watched the youtube video for Girls by Mura Masa175: How many cousins do you have? Total of 3 I think174: Do you have any siblings? I have a twin sister173: Are your parents divorced? Yes172: Are you taller than your mom? Definitely171: Do you play an instrument? Nope170: What did you do yesterday? Die slowly
[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Sort of yeah168: Luck: Sort of but not really167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Honestly not really and that accounts for at least 2 rather important problems I can think of165: Aliens: Sure164: Heaven: No163: Hell: No162: God: No161: Horoscopes: They’re fun and sometimes fool me but no160: Soul mates: Not really?159: Ghosts: Sometimes momentarily hen I se shit move in the dark out of the corner of my eyes158: Gay Marriage: Yah157: War: Depends but yah156: Orbs: ????155: Magic: I fucking wish
[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Um. Fucking both. but kisses153: Drunk or High: Depends. Mostly drunk152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Read heads are hot150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hot or cold: Hot148: Summer or winter: Feeling winter atm (I know its odd)147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate when eh. Vanilla when stuff is quality145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Orange143: Curly or Straight hair: Um. Curly?142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds is my shit (cuz apple pie)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate you fucking heathen140: Mac or PC: Mac (theyre prettier tho I know PCs can be better)139: Flip flops or high heals: I don’t really wear either. Both are fine.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I can be ugly, sweet, and rich. Tho I guess this means ugly person. Ugly and rich since I’d just do whatever the hell I want and be rich137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremate this mess134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing133: Coach or Chanel: My dude I know fuck all about either brand. Still would go with Chanel132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who the fuck?131: Small town or Big city: Big city130: Wal-Mart or Target: They’re both cool. target feels nicer tho129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate them both128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: This is actually hard. Um. Shit. Hm. Weast coast?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday doesn’t tend to mean a whole lot to me (probably cuz I didn’t really have birthday parties as a kid)125: Chocolate or Flowers: I’ve never gotten flowers and that’d be chill but chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney probably.123: Yankees or Red Sox: Yankees you fucking heathen
[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Avoid it if possible121: George Bush: No very intelligent120: Gay Marriage: It’s fine119: The presidential election: Kill me118: Abortion: It’s your choice and fuck what other people have to say. Though it’s interesting to think about if one potential person wants the child and the other doesn’t. At which point I feel like whoever really wants it that bad should have sole care of it otherwise it’s unfair to both the child and one who didn’t want it. And if the dude wants the child then it’s still the woman’s choice I feel like? But this is rocky but would make a fun conversation tbh117: MySpace: Stop poking the dead thing with a stick116: Reality TV: Mostly really dumb with marginal entertainment115: Parents: Mine I guess are half really good but hard on me for good reason and the other half I seriously feel like I couldn’t care less about. In general Id hope for them to be caring, understanding, firm, and logical114: Back stabbers: Fuck em113: Ebay: Chill concept I’ve never used112: Facebook: Blackhole for my time111: Work: I hate doing it as it very rarely interests me110: My Neighbors: Chill109: Gas Prices: High I guess?108: Designer Clothes: Can be cool but mostly just why and dumb107: College: Fucking scam but also really cool adult babysitting106: Sports: theyre alright I suppose. Don’t really pay them any mind at all105: My family: I only pay attention to the ones I interact with even though there is a family member I really should talk to but don’t cuz I have a hard time caring although I really should104: The future: Scary
[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Today sorta. If not today then sunday102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Thanksgiving100: Cried in front of someone: It’s been a while. Don’t remember99: Went to a movie theater: During spring break like 2 weeks ago98: Took a vacation: like 2 weeks ago97: Swam in a pool: been a while. Swam in the ocean like 2 weeks ago
96: Changed a diaper: I’ve never done that
95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: It’s been a few years. Would’ve liked to go to one this year but couldn’t for some pretty shit reasons93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: Um. Like Saturday90: Texted: like 30 minutes ago
[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Things that are funny. Also myself88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Parents paying for shit87: The last movie I saw: Get out86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Figuring out my shit85: The thing im not looking forward to: the future84: People call me: Kemi83: The most difficult thing to do is: Have self control and follow through on it82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Libra80: The first person i talked to today was: Today a girl named sara cuz I was up and around at 2am79: First time you had a crush: Like elementary school78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: There is no one I can’t hide things from77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I have no idea. Probably within the last few days76: Right now I am talking to: Well right now I’m not talking to anyone75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully happy and relatively successful74: I have/will get a job: hopefully over the summer73: Tomorrow: Is another day72: Today: Is my current reality that I really should use a lot more wisely but tend not to71: Next Summer: It’d be nice to be a more productive person70: Next Weekend: Probably gonna be doing fuck all instead of doing work69: I have these pets: I don’t have pets68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on a  chalkboard, velcro ripping, people chewing with their fucking mouths open. I can’t choose one67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Um. Prolly my stepfather?66: People that make you happy: My friends occasionally family when they aren’t disappointed in me65: Last time I cried: I dunno64: My friends are: Chill63: My computer is: Cool but mostly a huge distraction I literally can’t live without cuz I need it for everything. And I also really like it.62: My School: Is meh. Some chill people61: My Car: Don’t have one60: I lose all respect for people who: I suppose cheat59: The movie I cried at was: I dunno58: Your hair color is: Black57: TV shows you watch: I dunno. A lot 56: Favorite web site: Youtube probably55: Your dream vacation: Europe54: The worst pain I was ever in was: I don’t remember feeling pain I thought was all that intense. Like shit has hurt a lot but not like holy fuck I’m screaming53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium52: My room is: A little dirty atm51: My favorite celebrity is: Um. Gordon Ramsey I suppose? Don’t really have one50: Where would you like to be: In a very nice restaurant sipping very nice whiskey with a lot of money. Ive said this before.49: Do you want children: Maybe eventually. At least 2 but not more than 348: Ever been in love: yeah47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple46: More guy friends or girl friends: I definitely have more girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My girlfriend would be nice to just chill with tbh43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Don’t be a failure is sorta just it. realistically grad school.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I actually haven't 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope40: Last person I got mad at: Um. I dunno39: I would like to move to: Somewhere on the west coast38: I wish I was a professional: Chef
[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Twix is up there36: Vehicle: Teslas are pretty fucking cool35: President: Obama probably wasn’t the best but damn was he chill34: State visited: California never really disappoints me33: Cellphone provider: AT &T I guess? What the hell sort of question is this32: Athlete: Um. Don’t really have one. Ichiro Suzuki seems pretty chill. Curtis Grandson also seems chill. What can I say my stepdad likes the Yankees. Well so does my father31: Actor: Um. idk30: Actress: Idk29: Singer: Adele comes to mind cuz damn that voice. But I probably have others I like more and don’t remember28: Band: Mura Masa is high up there for producers. So is Flume, Ekali atm, Ta-ku, and Snago27: Clothing store: Don’t really have one. Uniqlo is pretty chill26: Grocery store: Fairways is chill25: TV show: Adventure time probably24: Movie: Don’t really have one tbh23: Website: I Don’t per se have a favorite. I like tumblr and Facebook 22: Animal: Deer are chill21: Theme park: Don’t have one. Which ever one has the wildest roller coasters20: Holiday: Um. Christmas19: Sport to watch: Baseball if I had to choose18: Sport to play: Ultimate frisbee17: Magazine: Cooks Illustrated is cool16: Book: Don’t really have one15: Day of the week: Friday or saturday14: Beach: Orange beach atm cuz it’s the nicest one i’ve been to13: Concert attended: Shitttttttt. Alina Baraz and Jauz are really high up there12: Thing to cook: I like making pasta cuz I do all sorts of shit to the sauce and I’m good at it. I also make pretty decent pork chops and shit. I dunno. 11: Food: Sushi probably. Also like steak and curry a lot.10: Restaurant: Um. Five guys? I don’t really have one.9: Radio station: Don’t really listen to radio8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t know any7: Perfume: same as above6: Flower: honeysuckle5: Color: Blue and green4: Talk show host: Don’t have one3: Comedian: Louis C.K. is great2: Dog breed: Cant choose1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Very
#me
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handseyesheart · 7 years
Text
please tell me which road you will take - short story
From the moment you are born into this world and named your name, things start running at a million miles an hour. What a sweet baby boy, the millions around you croon and poke at your little button nose. And that is fine- you are an infant, you cannot process this anyway. Then you start walking, and things start moving faster, and talking and things move even faster, and then soon you are a teenage boy standing all alone in the middle of the night in the smallest little town in Virginia. The small town traffic bustles around you as the private school kids leave their usual pizza parlor, leaving you still standing in the middle of the night alone in the smallest little town in Virginia. You begin to measure the pros and cons of stepping into the middle of the road, but as usual, the cons outweigh the pros. You breathe in the ice cold night air as your phone goes off in your pocket. Remus, you think. You know he must be worried because he is actually texting you instead of recklessly driving to the pizza parlor in his BMW and pulling you out of there with his own hands (you always wish he would pull you closer in those moments, but you will never know if he feels the same way you do). You sigh and reach into your pocket. It is Remus (because of course it is, he is the only one who talks to you besides Campbell, and he is off parading with his ‘child bride,’ as your friends call his girlfriend). hey man where are you, you read swiftly. Nana’s. Just got off work, you shoot back. im coming to pick you up, he responds. You know there is no way to tell him no, because you would be in a car with the most beautiful boy you have ever seen, but you will not be able to tell him you love him because what if he does not love you back?
    You are standing on the curb of Nana’s Pizza when Remus rolls up in his BMW, your private school boy come to your rescue once more. You will never tell him what he really is to you, but sometimes you dream that he kisses you on the cheek before dropping you at your father’s trailer, leaving you trapped in a terrible metal cased world of pain and aching, and the longing for something more. You sit quietly in the passenger seat of his car as he turns the stereo up so you can focus as you look out the window (because he knows how much you love it, but he will never say it). He smells like grass and the hope for something new in your plain rotation of life. Normally, your car rides stay silent aside from the music, but this night is something different.
“Parrish?” He says. He catches you off guard, because talking is not a comfort for the two of you- he truly is better through text. You look over at him silently as he cuts the music.
“Yeah?” You find yourself asking.
“What does it feel like to be in love? You were in love with Bee, and you knew you were, so how is it different from friendship?” He asks. You do not know the answer to this question, and the scientific method will not help you now.
You shrug.
“You just feel it in your bones.”     In your lifetime, you think you will never feel anything more wonderful than an ice cold can of Coca-Cola, and maybe that is the truth for you. But then sometimes he will smile at you- a truly genuine smile, not the one he plasters on for his private school fundraisers, and you think you feel something. But other times, all you can feel is the handprint of your father’s previous wrath the night before, where he pushed you around like a rag doll, leaving the biggest bruise on your arm that Remus will glance at with extreme distaste, almost like he disapproves of you, and then bring you back to his house for an ice pack. And all you feel is the pain.
He nods back at you as you say that you never knew whether or not you were in love with Bee Smith, as if it was a small detail. You wonder who he is talking about- maybe he is in love with Miles, the only other friend he has besides you and Campbell, because he could never be in love with you.  
“Oh. Maybe I can figure it out soon, before the good ones get snatched up and then leave for college.”
“I hope you do.” You say, leaning back against the window as he turns the stereo back on and you nod away into a land where maybe he falls in love with you and Miles goes away somewhere, somewhere far enough away for you to get Remus while Miles may marry some girl he meets in Venezuela or the Congo, or wherever rich boys go on vacation.  
Soon you are at home, and you know in the morning Remus will return to his real life with his real life friends and you will still be left alone in the dust with your public school and ex-girlfriend (who now belonged to Campbell- she has not been yours for a long time and you are no longer in a hopeless love with her that would lead nowhere). She is Bee Smith, poet, ‘child bride’, the human embodiment of a songbird,  and you are just Parrish Robbins, the boy with a heart of gold and a father with the fist of stone when it hits you after a long night at work. And you have come to be fine with that- you have accepted that you will never be more than what the football players at school call you as they laugh when you wear the same pair of pants for the fifth day in a row because you cannot afford more clothing.
You have come to be fine with the sharp sting of the palm of your father’s hand and the quiet hushed cry of your mother as she hears the skin on skin contact. You have come to be fine with so many things you should not be fine with. You have come to be fine with the one thing you really should be fine with- your sexuality. You were in love with Bee and now you are in love with Remus- it is something simple like a kiss (but not so simple at all because it takes courage). Falling in love with Bee is the fastest thing that has ever happened in your life, but falling in love with Remus happens slowly, like squeezing the last of the ketchup from the bottle for your week old McDonalds fries at four in the morning. Love is okay with you, and it sits like the most uncomfortable thing in your stomach.
It is soon a month later, and you are sitting in your apartment above St Rita Catholic Church, for one night your father stepped too far and you left, calling the police on abuse charges- and like that, you are gone from the trailer. You are sitting in your apartment and Remus is lying next to you on your barely big enough bed as you do your AP Statistics homework, and he is staring. You are okay with staring in the moment, because you know that for once he is not staring at a black eye the size of a softball, he is instead staring at your softly concentrated face. Your eyes flick away from your homework and down to his lips for only a millisecond, but you know he saw you do it. You pretend to focus on your work after that.
Then it is four days later, and you are sitting on your bed once more, alone. You hear a knock at your door. You know it can be one of two people- it could be Remus, mad at the world and ready to punch whatever God came close enough, or Campbell, ready to embark on whatever godawful mission he had decided on this time. You call that the door is unlocked, and you hear it open. It is Remus, drenched in rainwater and sweat, looking like an item from a dream (you want to push yourself against his chest and never leave his leather clad arms but you know it is impossible for someone to stay). He marches in.
“I’m staying here tonight.” He declares, storming in and sitting on your shaggy carpet. You nod- how could you ever deny him anything when he has given you so much?
“You know where the extra clothes are.” You say, though he holds up a bag full of his own clothes. You think about that bag of clothes and what it holds, the clothes you have taken from him in the past. The items include a dark blue sweatshirt that is just the color of his eyes and a black v-neck, both smelling of him and his stupid Old Spice body wash (you never told him why you kept them, he assumed you just missed out on laundry day, and how would you say it anyway? “I’m in love with you and your stupid blue eyes and that’s why I kept your v-neck”). You nod once more.
“What brings you here this time?” You find yourself asking, although you probably know the answer (because you know him like the back of your hand).
“Nightmares again. Here is the safest place I know.”  You feel your heart race at his stupid comment and pretend to ignore that it is the safest place you know too.
You both fall asleep on separate sides of the bed, facing opposites, knowing he will be gone in the morning.
When you wake up, you see a note from him on your nightstand (it is a Saturday at nine AM and there is no way he should be gone by now). Sorry I had to go. Owyn needed me, and you know how she is- the neediest little sister ever. Anyway, you and your dumb face should meet me at the corner store at six tonight- we’ll go for a drive. - R.S. You don’t know if you expected anything different.
You hope that with time your feelings would go away and he could love who he wants and so could you but they only get stronger and stronger, eating you alive until all you want to do is tell him but you know you are unable to separate the feelings into words. That is fine with you.
You are sitting in Remus’ car in the middle of nowhere- you do not know where you two are, you do not know how you two arrived there. You are sitting in Remus’ car and his hand is clutching the steering wheel although you wish it was clutching your knee. You inhale. His breath is shaky and you can hear the years of night terrors in them when he speaks and you feel so much for him- this terrifying boy with a vendetta against the world but you know what lies behind his eyes. You know he is not angry but scared, his eyes fearful from when he found his father on the floor of the living room, years and years before. You know he is not angry but scared, his hands trembling not with hatred but with the most terrified feeling in the world. And you know how it feels to be scared.
Sometimes, in moments like this, you imagine him braking and leaning over to kiss you from the driver’s seat although you know he never will. Sometimes, you imagine that he will tell you he loves you or loved you or he will eventually and sometimes you imagine him telling you with abrupt sharpness to get out of his car and sometimes you imagine him grabbing you by the hair and pulling you closer and closer and closer until you share everything including your air and thoughts.  But sometimes you imagine him locking the door and leaving you behind.
You snap out of your trance as he taps on your shoulder, even though you should not be as out of it as you are because you got enough sleep, you did not over caffeinate, and you sure did not go catatonic in the moments he had his hands on the steering wheel. He gestures to you to step out of the car once you have snapped out of it.  
You step out and the cold air is a relief- it is fresh on your skin and you can feel it slide the disgusting feeling off you- the feeling your father left the last time he laid his hands on you (you know he will never touch you again because if he does you know that Remus will not hesitate to kill your father and you do not blame him for it). The air feels like a change is coming soon and you do not know what that change is (and you probably never really will, and that is fine). And then it begins to rain.
You are in the middle of the woods with the most beautiful boy you have ever seen, and his chin length curls are sticking to his skin as is his white t-shirt (another shirt you had been thinking of stealing but never did). Your mind goes back to the rainy night before and the way Remus looked in his rain and sweat soaked t-shirt and you are in love. You think that he truly is the most beautiful boy inside and out, and the full moon beating down on both of you shows this.
You think that love is a foreign concept- you think that maybe it is the sharp pain of your father’s discipline, or maybe it is Bee worrying over your wounds in the middle of Biology, or maybe it is cracking an ice cold Coca-Cola open with the most beautiful boy as he shoots you the most sarcastic grin on Earth. You think that seeing Remus in the rain, happy and free and living how he wants to is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, and what you feel in that moment may be love.
He drives you both back to your apartment, rain soaked and happy, and you feel everything radiating through the air as his music blasts through the speakers and you watch the stars through the window. And things are okay.
When you arrive at your apartment, Remus has something in his eyes that you can not place properly. You can not place any time where he may have looked at anyone like that- it was close to the murderous glint he had in his eyes every time you spoke of your father, but you ignored it then, although it was impossible to ignore now when it was burning holes in you. And when you walk into your apartment and turn around to take off your soaking wet t-shirt, he pulls your head towards him and kisses you.
Kissing Remus is something magical. It is the sun and the moon coming together to make an eclipse, it is the stars reflecting against your sun freckled face, it is the feel of that burning sensation you get on your skin when you get too close to a fire and you can feel hairs almost singeing off of you, and it is everything you have ever dreamed of having and everything you have ever dreamed of feeling and everything- just everything. Kissing Remus is saving yourself from whatever happened in your past, kissing Remus is the feeling of your father’s bruises washing away with nothing but a fleeting touch, the feeling of whatever you may have needed in the past disappearing and taking the place of Remus’ lips. Kissing Remus is more than what you ever thought it could be and you are on fire, you are a blazing flame and he is the oxygen you need to keep you alive. You pull away to take a breath and he kisses you once more a moment later. You are still on fire as he drags his fingers up your hips, and stops. You take a deep breath in.
Kissing him makes you feel okay again. Tonight, you fall asleep together, not on opposite sides of the bed, but denim clothed legs tangled up and warm hands intertwined as you both fall into the most peaceful sleep.
From that moment on, every time his legs kicks up against yours in the backseat of Campbell’s car and he kicks his legs up on top of yours, you feel your insides light on fire and everything feels right again until his legs swing back off and you feel normal again (which was a feeling you had not felt since the last time Bee had touched your arm and told you that it does not matter that she will not kiss you (you were only relieved because it meant that you did not have to kiss her even though you thought you did but you were not positive)). Sitting in the passenger seat of his car makes you feel alive, which is something had not felt in a long time. And then he disappears. It is not uncommon for him to disappear, he does this constantly, but now that you know he feels the same way and it is not just a feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see him grin, you can not help but be terrified when he does not even take you with him. He is gone for a shorter time than he has ever been- only three days this time but it feels like three million years waking up alone in your barely big enough bed. You know that it is not because he does not want you, but it still hurts because nobody ever stays. You are awake for all three nights that he is gone, lying idle in your bed and alone again (because why would anyone stay when you have more baggage than an international airport?). And then you are wrapped up in your blankets, naked to the skin, all alone once more in the smallest little town in Virginia. And then it is morning. And then he comes back and you see him at your door, not rain soaked this time but worse than you have ever see him, and once he is back in your arms, you think that this may be better than an ice cold can of Coca-Cola.
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clefspeare99 · 7 years
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Answer all! 200-1
Oh man, haven’t done one of these in ages, well here you go!
200: My crush’s name is: Savannah199: Iwas born in: 1995198: Iam really: Caring197: Mycellphone company is: T-Mobile196: Myeye color is: Brown195: Myshoe size is: 13, sometimes 13 ½ depending on the brand194: Myring size is: Umm, 7 I think? My class ring is a 6 ½, but only fits on mypointer finger193: Myheight is: 6’2192: Iam allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of191: My1st car was: 2012 Dodge Grand Caravan190: My1st job was: Chuck E Cheese189: Lastbook you read: Dragons in Our Midst, Circles of Seven188: Mybed is: A Queen, and feels too large, have been used to a twin all my life187: Mypet: 2 dogs, Gizmo and Stitch186: Mybest friend: Hmm, don’t really have one right now if I’m being honest. Havesort of grown away from most everyone, nothing against anyone, just atransition phase right now, and I’ve always been bad at keeping in touch orjust hanging out with people.185: Myfavorite shampoo is: I use Head & Shoulders, all I’ve ever used, wouldn’tsay favorite, it’s just a good brand.184: Xboxor ps3: Nintendo Switch183: Piggybanks are: Cute, but kind of useless182: Inmy pockets: Nothing currently181: Onmy calendar: Don’t have one180: Marriageis: Very sweet and special179: Spongebobcan: Be very strange178: Mymom: Is a wonderful woman177: Thelast three songs I bought were? I don’t know what song I actually lost bought,I just get my music on youtube.176: LastYouTube video watched: 2017 League of Legends World Championships175: Howmany cousins do you have? A lot, um like 17 I can think of off the top of myhead?174: Doyou have any siblings? Yep, 2, a brother and a sister, both younger than me173: Areyour parents divorced? Nope172: Areyou taller than your mom? Yes, quite a bit taller171: Doyou play an instrument? Nope, did drums in elementary school, stopped in middleschool because I would have no other electives all year if I did band andchoir.170: Whatdid you do yesterday? Work, and saw Kingsman The Golden Circle[ I Believe In ]169: Loveat first sight: Lust yes, love no, you build love with someone, not somethingyou can immediately have in my opinion168: Luck:Yeah, occasionally167: Fate:I believe God has a fate for all of us, something we will learn eventually166: Yourself:Definitely165: Aliens:It’s possible with how many millions of stars and planets are out there.164: Heaven:Yep163: Hell:Yep162: God:Yep161: Horoscopes:They are fun and interesting, though I don’t put any faith in them160: Soulmates: Yeah, why not159: Ghosts:Meh, never really have.158: GayMarriage: Yeah, why stop 2 people from being happy together?157: War:Is something that shouldn’t be needed ever.156: Orbs:Not sure what this is referring to, so I guess no?155: Magic:There is illusion magic, but no actual magic like in fire emblem or other videogames.[ This or That ]154: Hugsor Kisses: Why not both?153: Drunkor High: Neither152: Phoneor Online: Online151: Redheads or Black haired: Red head all day150: Blondesor Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hotor cold: Hot148: Summeror winter: Summer147: Autumnor Spring: Colorado Autumn, Spring most anywhere else though146: Chocolateor vanilla: Vanilla145: Nightor Day: Night144: Orangesor Apples: Apples143: Curlyor Straight hair: Curly142: McDonaldsor Burger King: Mc Donald’s fries, Burger King burger141: WhiteChocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate140: Macor PC: PC139: Flipflops or high heels: Neither, always wears tennis shoes138: Uglyand rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor, you can stop being poor, it’s a lotharder to stop being an ugly person(I’m referring to personality)137: Cokeor Pepsi: Pepsi136: Hillaryor Obama: Obama I guess, though I’m not big on politics135: Burriedor cremated: Never really thought about it, whatever’s cheaper? Don’t need myfamily pouring out money after I’m dead XD134: Singingor Dancing: Singing, have always loved choir, and I suck at dancing133: Coachor Chanel: Not sure what either of these are, clothes or something?132: KatMcPhee or Taylor Hicks: Also not sure what either of these are, guessingsingers of some sort131: Smalltown or Big city: Small town, though able to drive to the big city130: Wal-Martor Target: Target129: BenStiller or Adam Sandler: I only recognize the name Adam Sandler, so him Iguess?128: Manicureor Pedicure: Have never had either, so don’t know.127: EastCoast or West Coast: West Coast, because Disneyland, which is better thanDisneyworld because it has Walt’s personal touch.126: YourBirthday or Christmas: Both are close in timing, but have to go with Christmassince everyone is just generally in a better mood125: Chocolateor Flowers: Chocolate124: Disneyor Six Flags: Disney 100% not even close123: Yankeesor Red Sox: I’m not big on sports, don’t really care either way[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War:Was sort of asked earlier, still think the same, it should never be needed121: GeorgeBush: I don’t know enough to have an actual opinion on him120: GayMarriage: Why not let people be happy together, it doesn’t hurt you.119: Thepresidential election: Is clearly broken after out last election, how can thismonster be given power at such a high level when he is clearly hateful anddoesn’t understand the general populous?118: Abortion:Mothers choice ultimately117: MySpace:Does this site even still exist? I never personally used it116: RealityTV: It so fake it’s not even funny115: Parents:Do their best for their kids114: Backstabbers: Are some of the lowest people113: Ebay:Is slowly getting eaten alive by Amazon112: Facebook:Is just sort of a time waste, but also lets you connect from so far apart111: Work:Should be fun, not something that you hate doing110: MyNeighbors: Don’t know them, just moved here109: GasPrices: Are nice and low currently, still kind of high in California though,but can’t complain much108: DesignerClothes: Are over rated107: College:Is a money suck unless you know for sure what you want to do, otherwise youwill be in debt with something you don’t want106: Sports:Are kind of fun to watch, but generally very, and I mean very over paid105: Myfamily: Are always there and rather supportive104: Thefuture: Is looking good, have an interview at Disneyland on Tuesday![ Last time I ]103: Huggedsomeone: If all the kids at Chuck E Cheese count while I was in the Chuck Esuit, then tonight, otherwise then it would be about a week ago when my grandmaand grandpa came out102: Lasttime you ate: Had some pizza at work tonight101: Sawsomeone I haven’t seen in a while: This week, hadn’t seen these grandparents inabout 8 years.100: Criedin front of someone: It’s been a while, can’t remember99: Wentto a movie theater: On Saturday, saw Kingsman: Golden Circle98: Tooka vacation: Back at the end of June, went with my family to Paris for a week,go to go to Euro Disney, was a lot of fun.97: Swamin a pool: A week or two ago, have one in my backyard now so can go whenever Iwant, so long as it’s not too cold out.96: Changeda diaper: about a month and a half when I was with Aubri95: Gotmy nails done: Never have94: Wentto a wedding: Not sure, maybe my Uncle’s weeding like gosh 9 years ago?93: Brokea bone: Well I fractured my arm when I was 12 or so, haven’t actually broken abone though92: Gota peircing: Never have, no real plans to91: Brokethe law: Minus going a bit over the speed limit I can’t think of a timehonestly90: Texted:A few days ago with support at Uber trying to figure out an issue with myaccount[ MISC ]89: Whomakes you laugh the most: Savannah used to, after moving no one in particular theselast 2 months88: SomethingI will really miss when I leave home is: Solitarity, is that a word?87: Thelast movie I saw: Kingsman: Golden Circle86: Thething that I’m looking forward to the most: Job interview on Tuesday85: Thething im not looking forward to: Job interview on Tuesday84: Peoplecall me: Josiah, Siah, Clef(gaming friends)83: Themost difficult thing to do is: be genuinely honest with everyone82: Ihave gotten a speeding ticket: Nope, got a warning once since I was 9 over in a45. It was 2 am, and one of my headlights was out, only reason he pulled meover with a warning81: Myzodiac sign is: Sagittarius80: Thefirst person I talked to today was: Danny, they woke me up cause I was supposedto drop her off at the mall79: Firsttime you had a crush: First crush was probably Megan Conrad, had a crush on herin 3rd grade, never told her about it before she moved. Was going togive her a valentines card, but her family moved like the week before, oh well.78: Theone person who I can’t hide things from: No one currently, used to be Sam, butright now there really isn’t anyone that I’m close enough to that can tellsomething is off77: Lasttime someone said something you were thinking: Can’t remember76: Rightnow I am talking to: No body, just up late as I do, watching League75: Whatare you going to do when you grow up: Am a young adult now, so am starting togrow up more, still working on getting into Disney, want to one day help editand voice over in movies.74: Ihave/will get a job: Currently work at Chuck E Cheese, first thing I could getafter moving out to California, hopefully soon will be at Disneyland, alsodrive for Uber every now and then if I’m bored and have some time73: Tomorrow:Is actually going to be Tuesday now since it’s 1am and so therefore technicallyis the next day. Going to be a big day, fingers crossed all goes well.72: Today:Is just another day, nothing to out of the ordinary71: NextSummer: Not sure, I think my mom is working on getting some sort of familyreunion together70: NextWeekend: Will be working, don’t do much on weekends normally69: Ihave these pets: 2 dogs, Gizmo and Stitch, both mutts68: Theworst sound in the world: nails on a chalkboard67: Theperson that makes me cry the most is: Not sure right now, probably myself66: Peoplethat make you happy: Those that are friendly and enjoyable to be around65: Lasttime I cried: Can’t recall64: Myfriends are: A very strange group of gamers63: Mycomputer is: Pretty good, would like to upgrade again here in the next year ortwo, just don’t have the money right now.62: MySchool: Is not existent currently, not a priority currently, will probably belater after work at Disney can give me more of a specific direction to gorather than throwing money at it and hoping for the best.61: MyCar: Is a good van, and has come in rather handy60: Ilose all respect for people who: Put others down behind their backs59: Themovie I cried at was: Nothing jumps out right now, only one that comes to mindof late was Force Awakens, yes it sounds silly, but every time I saw it and theoriginal theme played when Han got on the Falcon I couldn’t help but get tearyeyed, and each time Rey pulls the lightsaber too herself right past Kylo’sface.58: Yourhair color is: Dark Brown57: TVshows you watch: Arrow, Game of Thrones, Flash, Star Wars Rebels56: Favoriteweb site: Youtube probably55: Yourdream vacation: A couple weeks going to every Disney location with someone close54: Theworst pain I was ever in was: I mean breaking my arm hurt a lot physically, butemotionally there have been a few moments years ago when I learned things thatclose friends went through that I wish didn’t have to be so. Some things youjust can’t explain the real effect of how it messed with your mind and makesyou think differently each day.53: Howdo you like your steak cooked: Well done52: Myroom is: Neat and organized51: Myfavorite celebrity is: Liam Neeson50: Wherewould you like to be: Holding her in my arms49: Doyou want children: Have a beautiful daughter, will likely have more in thefuture once I actually settle down.48: Everbeen in love: Have been a few times47: Who’syour best friend: I know I said earlier that I don’t have one, but my mindinstantly went to Michael when I read this again, even though we haven’t beenclose in years now, but I still hope he is doing great and love seeing where heis going on facebook. He was pretty much a second brother growing up.46: Moreguy friends or girl friends: Guys from gaming, though in person would generallybe girls45: Onething that makes you feel great is: A tight warm hug44: Oneperson that you wish you could see right now: Savannah43: Doyou have a 5 year plan: Not particularly, barely have a 5 day plan42: Haveyou made a list of things to do before you die: Not written it down anywhere,but I want to get to every Disney park location, 3 down so far.41: Haveyou pre-named your children: Nope, have some ideas but nothing for sure,especially since my wife will of course have her own desired names too.40: Lastperson I got mad at: No one outwardly, but a few people in my head, and that’show it stays 99% of the time. I bottle stuff in too much.39: Iwould like to move to: It’s always been California, because that’s whereDisneyland is, but honestly wish I could have Disney in Colorado, am alreadykind of missing it far more than I thought I would.38: Iwish I was a professional: Voice actor, and may someday be.[ My Favorites ]37: Candy:Snickers or Laffy Taffy36: Vehicle:Was a Hummer growing up, but that thing is a gas guzzler, honestly whatever has4 wheels and gets me from point a to point b is good, preferably orange.35: President:Abraham Lincoln, because he was a pretty good guy34: Statevisited: Colorado33: Cellphoneprovider: T-Mobile works, haven’t tried anyone else, am grandfathered into myparents plan32: Athlete:Michael Phelps, or Pele31: Actor:Liam Neeson30: Actress:Cara Delevingne29: Singer:There are so many youtubers I follow, I couldn’t pick just one, impossible.Kurt Hugo Schneider, Sam Tsui, Agaisnt The Current, Pentatonix, ChristinaGrimmie(You are missed), Tiffany Alvord, Peter Hollens, Boyce Avenue, and manymore28: Band:Oh, well I kind of mixed some bands into Singers, um just a band, maybe Skilletor Matt Kearney27: Clothingstore: Nothing in particular, most of my shirts are from t-shirt daily dealwebsites26: Grocerystore: Probably Target, just my go to place25: TVshow: Close between Arrow and Game of Thrones24: Movie:Over The Hedge23: Website:This was asked earlier, but YouTube still22: Animal:Dragons, if you want something non-mythical then Guinea Pigs21: Themepark: Disneyland20: Holiday:Thanksgiving because it’s just about being thankful and spending time withfamily and loved ones. It’s not about getting anything or spending money forgifts, it’s about being there and being thankful.19: Sportto watch: League of Legends, E-sports totally count, if you disagree then youare wrong, and then Soccer would be my answer.18: Sportto play: Ultimate Frisbee, a lot of fun, especially with my good long distancethrows.17: Magazine:Don’t read magazines ever16: Book:The whole Dragons In Our Midst series, if I had to pick one then it would beRaising Dragons, the very first book.15: Dayof the week: None of them are special right now, so they just sort of flowtogether now, Friday I guess since it’s payday?14: Beach:Is nice to walk along on, though am not a fan of swimming in the ocean13: Concertattended: Last one I remember going to was an Audio Adrenaline concert with mydad, but that was ages ago, have never been big on concerts.12: Thingto cook: I suck at cooking, the best food I can make is French toast, is prettygood.11: Food:Cheeseburger. You can’t beat a good burger, 90% of the time at any restaurantit’s what I get.10: Restaurant:In-N-Out for fast food style, Red Lobster for sit down, used to be OliveGarden, but they got rid of their Fettuccini Alfredo Pizza9: Radiostation: K-Love8: Yankeecandle scent: Not sure, Cantaloupe maybe?7: Perfume:I don’t wear any, so don’t have much of an opinion on it, just something sweetsmelling is generally nice6: Flower:Never really thought about it actually, Roses look pretty, though it’s kind ofa generic answer, yeah don’t really have one I guess.5: Color:Orange, always has been, always will be.4: Talkshow host: I don’t watch any talk shows, so not sure who any are.3: Comedian:Jeff Dunham, I think he counts right? Great ventriloquist and comedian2: Dogbreed: Husky, such beautiful dogs, thought they do need a lot of attention totake care of.1: Didyou answer all these truthfully? To the best of my knowledge, yes.
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