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hadakzu · 4 months

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Hawks x reader comfort (for parentification)

I don't know how to summarize this, I'm just exposing myself here lmaooo.

Giving a big warm hug to anyone who has had to deal with anything like this!❤️🫂❤️🫂 You're amazing and I hope you're doing okay!💖💕

Otherwise gn, but the reader is called a mom/ second mother of the family.

Content warnings:

parentification, looking after younger siblings, neglect and emotional abuse, mention of being beaten (keigos past), bit of suicidal talk, fighting between parents (mostly just verbal, but ig could be read as more), mommy daddy issues, slightly hinting of substance use (but it's not focused on), small talk of moving a lot, fear of others safety (?), feeling of being alone, Keigo's parents saying he'd better off.

(Please let me know if I missed anything, I try to add if I notice more)

"It's just... not fair. I was a child too.. so why did it feel like I was the only reasonable adult in there.."

You had your arms wrapped to his sides, using his chest as a pillow as you vented about your day. Having your mother visit brought back various of emotions and thoughts. Still feeling fresh like a unhealed cut. Trying to heal from it was still hard. Accepting the truth making you just feel like an ungrateful brat, because it wasn't really that bad, even though it definitely felt like it.. What right did you have to feel this hurt? It could've been far worse..

Thank god you had Hawks here by your side. His hand on the back of your head, feeling your hair, softly playing with it as he listened to your chain of thoughts. Letting you talk, while reassuring you weren't being unreasonable to feel like this at all. Listening you speak and explain it all, made him also feel upset and sad for you and your younger self past. Absent with the carefree joy you should have had. He could relate to that feeling, even if he couldn't totally understand your path. Growing up too fast was something he could totally understand, it wasn't easy or fun. It quite honestly sucked.

"It's like they act like It's normal, to have been called a mom by my younger sibling.. Like it's fun or normal how they joke about it so lightly, saying I have always just been the more responsible and caring one... the second mother of the family... Saying it came naturally, when really I had no choice but to become like one. Everytime I visit or see them, there's not a single time she wouldn't call me that, like it's supposed to be a compliment. When really it just reminds me of the pain.. reminding I'm supposed to hide myself and be more independent "

He could hear the underlying anger in your voice, even though you talked about it remotely calm, it was clear you felt hurt by it all. Feeling like you had been left to carry all the burden of your family, trying to keep it together so it wouldn't fall. Afraid of what would happen if you weren't strong enough. Fighting alone for so long, while trying to ensure your siblings would feel more loved, to make sure they had someone with free of judge. Experience unconditional love from your part.

Hawks didn't have any siblings of his own, it had always been just him alone, so it felt a bit foreign for him, hearing about a family as large as yours. It was new, house full of kids in many ages. But he was curious of what it was like, trying to imagine how it would feel to have a younger sibling.. or an older one too. Trying to understand how different life would look like from your point of view. Hearing you describe growing up with younger siblings in dysfunctional family, how it had been both a curse and a blessing at the same time, the coin always has two sides afterall.

At least you didn't have to deal with the bullshit completely alone, even though it had been mostly you caring for them all. Surrounded by many, it was chaos as it own, not to mention everything else that came along..

Remembering the time before it all started, or before you had understood something was wrong.. When you were somewhat free of that load.. But had life really been easier before stepping into that boat? Trying to keep it afloat while surrounded by waves of a storm.

Not being taken seriously when you had felt hurt, having someone laugh while tears fell down your shirt, people getting angry when you were trying your best. Crying under the covers, hiding from the world, wishing you had never ever been, you weren't meant to live in here. Praying for god, could you to be taken away from this place. Not because it'd be easier for you, but because you didn't want to be a burden, a disappointment.. Feeling as they would have been better off, if you weren't there to just make mistakes a lot... You were just a kid, how could you have known any better, if they never taught you how? Just expected to figure it out in your own little head, struggling with the quilt of even being here.

Seeing your younger siblings grow up, you didn't want them to go down the same path, they deserved more than that. So you stepped up, not trusting your parents wouldn't also mess them up.

Who would have thought being useful for your parents, especially to your mother, would make it easier to deal with that quilt. Suddenly being praised for being so mature of your age, always helping around, it felt good to be needed, to be noticed, praised. Maybe you had finally earned their love, being seen as human with a voice and real thoughts, one of the wise ones. You weren't being a trouble anymore, hiding your struggles, hiding your pain. You just wished you wouldn't feel anymore hurt by pushing those away. You were now the therapist, the peacemaker of the family. It couldn't be the other way around, surely helping them out was your job.

He rubbed your back, thinking how much burden you must have had, how hard it must have felt. How hurt you must have been, so that pushing your needs away felt easier than bringing them to the surface for someone else to see, for someone to hear. Unable to deal with the feeling of not being taken seriously.

He too, had learned to mirror his value on what he could offer for others. Being called names, the words of being better off not only in his head, when he was being just a kid, born in a family not understanding or capable of meeting his needs. It had been tough, carefully tip toying around avoiding for getting beaten up, by the man supposed to be his dad.. Trying to see life beyond those doors, Keigo could barely play around. Having to sit quietly, lucky if he got to watch the heroes on the screen.

After he and his mother ended up on the streets, his wings were only thing noticed about him. What he could do, what they could be used. Kid trying to take care for them both, trying to stay strong. Do the best he could from what he knew, having to put on these adult shoes.

Being taken in by the commision, it was all about creating Hawks, forgetting Keigo to be completely gone. It was always all about saving others, the burden of being good enough for others, being worthy of living this life, doing it for someone else, proving his worth for himself.

He could understand his own way, also being parentified kid himself. Not neccesarily your exact experience itself, your pasts were very different in many ways, but the feelings from it were close ones, something he had felt. Even if you two had come to feel it from different ends. Both of you had had to figure out lot of things by yourselves, do things not appropriate for your age. Trying to learn how to take time for your own mental health, to not break down under all the stress.

It was hard, to be constantly on the run, always aware of things, ready to instantly swoop in. It was exhausting, losing yourself for others, being the one keeping them on the surface. While your own boat was slowly sinking down. Feeling the tension in your chest tightening from all the pressure of being under the cold sea. Trying to catch a breathe, while being pushed further down by the waves merciless.

Do this, do that, help with this and that.

"You are right, it's not fair. No kid should have to go through that, to feel that kind of burden in their back. You deserved to be a child too."

His voice sounded sad, thinking of younger you.. and thinking bit of Keigo too. He hadn't had the chance to fully take a seat and process what a roller coaster of a life he had had. He knew it wasn't exactly right what he had had to go through, but always tried to focus on the good. Although guilt was something that was whispering in the back of his head... Leaving his mother.. feeling he failed.. Even when he had been young, even when he really didn't have a choice. He still felt like he failed to save her, leaving only family he had left.. He wished he could have done more, part of him missed her, yearning to know her.

He was the son, but he still felt somewhat quilty for the kind of life she had had, thinking if he could have done more than that.

His mind wandering little to his childhood as you told your story, you made him think a lot more of his own origin... or more like he started to feel more for his younger self too. He had thought about it a lot, but he felt somehow distant from his own past.. from that small Keigo he had once been.

Listening your story, thinking how fucked up it was for a child to deal with these things. It finally clicking in his head how bad it had actually been, how badly it could affect persons mental health. How it still affected him.

He saw your past still haunting your mind too.

"I- I just feel bad... for feeling this hurt knowing it wasn't easy for her either.. She needed someone to help around, she couldn't have done it alone.. it shouldn't be her that I'm even mad at. ..even if she wasn't always the best either.."

He kissed the top of your head, caressing your back while listening your words. Taking in what you needed to say, letting out the frustration you had felt. Noticing from your words, how you were carrying somewhat similar quilt for himself, about something out of your control, something that wasn't your fault. Feeling defensive for her behalf, even at times you shouldn't have had. He had to say something about that, making sure you wouldn't blame it all on yourself, validating your feelings of being hurt.

"You have every right to feel this hurt, don't blame it on yourself. Her actions are her own responsibility, not yours. No matter how hard it is, parents shouldn't neglect their childs emotional needs. It's not the child's job to be the one relied on either, it should always be the parents job. ..and even if you can understand why it happened.. it doesn't make it any more right."

You knew he was right, you really did, but it still felt like you were betraying her by admitting to something like that... sure you had known how your younger siblings had been neglected in ways, not been understood and blamed for being just kids.. Growing up in unstable home, of course they would act out. But to say that about yourself.. made you just feel uncomfortable, thinking you got the easy part in all that, still feeling little defensive for her behalf.

"..yeah, I know.."

You agreed for sure, but still sounding little hesitant of your words. You couldn't shake the feeling of sympahty for her, she wasn't perfect, neither were you.. you could have also done more.. Even though you felt angry for her about many things too, it wasn't as simple.

"It's not her that I'm really even that mad at though... o-or well about some things yes... but it wouldn't have been that bad if he would have taken some of that load of her back..! You know... do the things parent is supposed to do. It should be obvious, not something a child should have to point out... "

He could hear the frustration in your voice grow, this was clearly something you felt resentment about. One of the few topics that actually got you heated up, even to the point of feeling actual anger, and he understood completely. You had told him bits about it here and there, like when you had felt frustrated to visit your family again, only to have your father to ditch you his chores like you usual. How almost your whole childhood you had had to fill in his role, having a father not participating much, avoiding his tasks as a dad, leaving it to you and your mother to handle.

Why should have he had to worry about a thing? You were better at watching after them anyways, he was already tired enough, having fun out there. What a burden to have to sleep after that all day. It just wasn't fair.

"I was nine, when I started to look after my little brother... Trying to sooth him down when he cried.. Sometimes waking up at nights for that, wanting my mom to sleep more for a change too. I was the one mostly taking care of him when my mother wasn't around.. I don't understand how he could just ignore a baby's crying? Too 'busy' of doing something else, never actually helping out, but still having time to complain about insignificant things, being a petty child himself."

You could remember the countless days arguing with your father about basic things, laughing out of frustration with how absurd it had felt. Having to parent a grown ass man, defending your mother with the last of energy you had.

Trying to bring some kind of sense into this chaos, not letting the bullshit of your parents just slip out. Why should a kid have to understand how to behave, if the adults in this house never learned to do it either? Why should the kids be held more accountable about small things, if the parents couldn't admit their mistakes or apologizes themselves either.

Watching your siblings grow while new ones were born. Feeling the anxiety in your chest grow, you loved your siblings a lot, but sometimes it felt more of a burden than not.

"It... hurt. Watching it just get worse over the years, protecting them from all the mean words.. Having to lecture my own parents how to behave, how to care, what not to say to a little kid. The amount of times I would have to step up, be the more grown up.."

You sounded somewhat hesitant to talk about it, realizing just how absurd it sounded when saying it out loud. You were so used to it being the norm, forgetting just how messed up it had been at times.

"I knew it wasn't right.. I mean the way they raised us most of the time.. I read many articles of it to make sure I wasn't just imagining it myself, being overly dramatic like they had said. Trying to learn how to parent my siblings myself instead.. While trying to teach my parents to be more consider of their emotional state."

He felt sad for you and your younger siblings too, hearing you tell stories of moments where you guys weren't treated right.

Having been child who had had to listen all sorts of things coming from his parents mouth, it hurt to imagine others having to experience something similar in that regard. Knowing words would be something that would last, but glad at least someone had their back. Even though it was unfair, you shouldn't have had to be the first one they would turn. Still he couldn't help but admire your strenght, how you would go beyond your way to ensure your siblings felt more cared and safe. Go between fights, listen to their thoughts, taking into consiridation that they were still young and small. Knowing they couldn't understand everything, but explaining them about things more calm. Not yelling at them if they didn't know any better, but definitely having a long talk with the one that did.

Even though he admired that about you a lot, it still pained him to know you even had to think or worry about things like that. You shouldn't have had to carry that heavy of a bag with you, it was never meant for you, yet it was forced on you. He made a mental note to you make sure you wouldn't have to go through something like that again, to hold your struggles inside, to carry the world on your back. alone. When he and his wings were right here, ready to lift some of that heaviness off your chest.

"There um.. was time my parents were fighting a lot.. there uh- was lot going on in general.. My dad did some questionable things.. I knew way too many things about their relationship, involved in stuff I shouldn't have had... Back then I also often had to watch after my siblings whole days and sometimes even at nights.. making sure they ate, trying to comfort them when they were feeling unsure and scared.. They were such a anxious kids, like we all were living in unstable home like that. Having to move around a lot, never knowing when another big fight would unfold.. I always read them a good night stories when I could, trying to make the time between just as kids more fun. Hugging them at night when being asked when would they be back... Not knowing the answer for that, while wondering the same in my head. Reassuring them it would be okay, patiently singing to them until they would fall asleep.. Then later crying myself too.. They just deserved so much more, I wish I could have given more.."

That sounded exhausting and sad, having to take care of them that long while having no idea when your parents would be back. Having to be the rock they could lean on, trying to be stable for them when your parents couldn't. What also spoke volume of your parents effect on you guys, was when you told him despite it being hard, it was much more peacfull when they weren't around. Seeing how your siblings were also smiling more, not having to be yelled at crying too long. It just broke your heart, thinking why it couldn't be like that even when they were there too. How hard could it be to be a decent for your own young kids.

Your heart wasn't only one to break, when he heard you speak how hard it had been for them, but never totally focusing on how you had felt. Like it was automatic reaction you did, to shift the spotline of your pain on someone who had gone through 'worse.'

It didn't go unnoticed by him.

You also told him how you checked up on your mom, feeling uneasy of not knowing what was happening between them. You were too used to being on top of everything, listening to every word, trying to create clear picture of things. You know.. just in case it started to sound like you should have to hop in between, often hoping he would honestly just leave.. Feeling he brought more hurt than good, seeing his face and just wanting to scream at it loud.

Hawks knew how tiring it could be, to try to analyze every little thing, to make sure you didn't miss anything. To be hyper aware of everything, because well.. it was his job sure, but also something he had learned from a very young, living in a shithole of a home.

Thinking himself how you being responsible of so many, must have felt the world would be ending if you couldn't keep doing what was expected of you. Being under pressure at all times, having your mind run miles. How old had you been again..? Nine when the parentification had slowly started... not that it had been too great before that either, and going on pretty much until you had eventually had to move out?

Who had been taking care of you?

Ask you, how you were too?

On top of that you had to also deal with school, trying live life outside home too. It was hard, worried you'd be needed when you werent around.. Anxiety of being unaware, hoping your siblings knew they were still cared. Actually having to skip school over that fear too, fearing of leaving them there alone. Also staying home when offering to help your parents with something that again, shouldn't have been your job.. but why would they refuse, you were being helpful.

Still often feeling like you should have done more, done better job at protecting them from all the internal war. Was there something you had missed..? Thinking if you could have done something more early on... what if this was somehow your fault..?

"..did you, have anyone to look after you? To.. check up on how you were feeling.. how you were holding up in the middle of all that? Supporting you through the storms too?"

He was quite sure he already knew the answer for that, the way he had seen you act, he wished it didn't have to be like that. Having this idea in your head, that you were supposed to handle it all by yourself, having had hard time to lean on him first too, open up when you had felt doomed. From the sounds of your words and knowing more of your past, it sounded like you had been alone carrying everyone else, while suffering in silence all by yourself. It pained him to hear, but your silence to his question only confirmed it. You didn't want to say it out loud. Admit of feeling so alone and lost, having to navigate through everything without help. While still trying to comfort and convince yourself with the thought, that it wasn't really that bad, that it could have been far worse.

"Well I'm here now. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, it never should have been your responsibility to take care of them.. You were just kid trying to survive and keep peace in the house, that takes a lot.. It's a lot for anyone but especially a child. You did incredible considering what tools you got. It wasn't your fault or up to you to fix that, but I know for sure your siblings are grateful for you just having been there, you're so sweet and thoughtful. I see the love and care whenever you talk about them, and I know they can feel it as well. I kinda wish I had someone like you when I grew up, just having someone to lean on can do a lot."

His words and sweet gestures honestly meant a lot, the words about your siblings hitting pretty hard, assuring you that you had done more than enough. That all your work wasn't unseen, it had made bigger impact that you'd let yourself believe.

He held you in his arms, covering your form under his soft feathers, feeling more protective of you after all he had heard, keeping you safe in his embrace. Knowing this wasn't even half of the story, just a scratch on the surface you had shown. Trusting him enough to share part of your path, wanting him to see all your different sides, even if it was uncomfortable at first.

"I hope now I can be someone you can lean on too, you shouldn't have to go through everything alone.. You deserve to be taken care of too, you don't have to suffer alone anymore. It's okay to admit being hurt. You don't always have to act strong, even though I know you're are, but you don't have to be that all of the time. I'm here now. I got your back like I know you got mine, no more of that one sided caring, alright? It should always go both ways with the people you're close. I want to be someone close to you, and with your thoughts and feelings too. Those deserve to be heard also."

Moment of silence as you let those words sink in, his embrace tightening to feel you more close, to emphasize his words. Letting you know it was okay to express your feelings too, he would never just dismiss them like some others had. Showing you, you weren't left alone. Not when he was around.

"And he, honestly sounds like an ass.. he should have done more than that, he was a parent too, an adult. I don't know everything he has done, but I can still say it was unfair and unjustified the things he did and the things he didn't do. I'm sorry he put you through that. You deserved better than that."

When he called him an ass, it was so sudden you couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. It came out of nowhere, but it honestly felt good to have someone say that too, oddly satisfying of seeing someone call him out on his crap too, not just brushing it off. Showing how he was pissed off for your behalf, maybe it was okay for you to feel like that as well.. To still be angry for things, that before this, had gone unheard for years.

Caressing your face as he looked at you fondly, with mix of sadness and admiration in his eyes. He felt honored to feel this close to you, to be let on something this huge. Thats how it definetely felt at least, and you were tired of pretending like it didn't. It had been hard and it still hurt a lot.

You got the feeling he understood some aspects of it himself, knowing how you felt. Propably being parentified kid himself.. thats how you felt at least, you could sense it in him, like you were wearing his sensitive wings instead.

You were right of course, keeping you close while thinking your past. Maybe someday he would open about his too, knowing you would care and not judge him, hoping you had some of that unconditional love left for him too.. for Keigo. He sure as hell had that for you, it only growing every day spend with you.

He would be here for you.

"Thank you Hawks. That honestly means a lot.. I'm.. glad you are here."

A smile appeared on his face. Gently bringing a finger under your chin, slowly raising your head so your eyes met his, cherising your beautifull face. Making sure you felt seen. He could still sense the lingering uncertainity on your face, after bringing all this to the surface, from the cold sea.

He leaned in to a soft kiss, making sure you felt nothing but warm and cared. Simmering down those huge waves, feeling more calm and safe. You didn't have to sail through the storms alone, now he would help you navigate through them with you, like the boat was his own.

Afterall you two were sailing in it together from now on.

"I'm glad I'm here too"

(I don't know if this turned out exactly the way I wanted but it's okayy🙏 I'll probably write another one with this topic but bit differently at some point)

#hawks x reader #I don't know what this is but if someone asks this is not me~#hawks x reader comfort #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #parentification #parentified child #keigo takami x reader comfort #hawks #keigo tamaki #mha hawks comfort #parentified #jjkcjhy I don't know if I really like how I wrote this #I should write something similar but not do it so fast

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roobylavender · 11 months

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i feel like the problem with so many pakistani dramas is they're like. a totalitarian exercise in relenting to the parent and forgiving them for all of their mistakes regardless of the severity of them. and i imagine it is funny to see me say that considering how often i wax rhetoric about how many of our parents are the products of violent cycles and there are times where we can't wholeheartedly blame them for being anyone other than who they were trained to be. but i also think there's a difference between forgiving your parents for not being able to escape their upbringing, and simply accepting that you will always have a subservient role to them, even in that process of forgiveness. like i don't think children have to go peacefully when they're being violently abused or cast out from their families or derided for entertaining dishonor. and this mindset we have wherein children have to be the perfect victims—broken, demure, never expressing any sort of outcry at the way they're treated—otherwise they're ungrateful and prone to derision by an audience for how much pain they've caused their parents, as if they haven't been caused extensive pain as well, really bothers me. like it's soured sooo many old dramas focused on parent-child conflicts for me bc of the way audiences villainize non-ideal trauma responses from children who are either forced into marriages or outcast from their families for refusing to be forced in the first place

#like when i say perfect victim i am thinking rahul and anjali from kkkg. for example. since they're quite well known and popular #rahul and anjali never fight back against rahul's father. not once #they're heartbroken by his decision and they Do move away but there's always a latent hope that he'll call them someday #and accept them into his arms again #so their severance from the family is palatable #but if rahul and anjali had fought back in any way. if they'd ever stood up or grown to be bitter bc of how they were treated #they absolutely would have been maligned by audiences #and i hate that. it's exactly what happens to ruhi in diyar e dil and it's so vile #not only is her husband cast out from his family and thrown into poverty #when she tries to win his father over that father calls her family lowly and unworthy #and he disowns her husband completely #like who wouldn't severe insecurity and bitterness after that?#everyone blames her for subsequently projecting her bitterness and anger and grief onto her daughter once her husband dies #but is that not the fault of the father in law who so brutally rejected her and instilled those insecurities in the first place?#where is his blame?#ugh. i swear rewatching old dramas is more upsetting than it is enjoyable atp fjldkhgf #to be deleted

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furiousgoldfish · 7 months

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hello I would like to ask if a particular incident in my childhood was abuse or not. I am very torn about it.

i was around 14 or so when it was my fathers birthday party and almost everyone we knew was there. I'm talking over 100 people. and one of my parents friends sang a song....about how my father worked so hard and I didn't appreciate him and always complained that he didn't spend time with me.

id repressed this memory but it recently started haunting me in my spirals. I....dont understand. I wasn't given any heads up that this was going to happen. I wasn't comforted or asked if I was okay after either. to this day I don't know whether my parents enabled this or not. and I don't want to ask. I don't know.....what to feel at all. I don't....understand. please help me know whether I'm being too sensitive or not.

That is something extremely messed up to do on your birthday! I don't even know what to say, I'm taken aback, I don't believe a normal person would do this. It's hard to even categorize it, from where I'm standing this person created a public spectacle, on your birthday, where they attempted to uplift your father and then humiliate you, in front of everyone. I would have to guess your father told them to do that? Who would think of such a weird thing to do.

In circumstances where your father already is abusive, a public humiliation where you're accused of being ungrateful and overly demanding, this would definitely be one of the extensions of abuse - to make you embarrassed, and to make everyone else develop a negative perception of you, and for them to believe your father was a victim of your 'ungratefulness and demanding'.

I'd say in circumstances where there wasn't abuse already in the family... I don't know, it's pretty hard to imagine this would happen, even as a joke. I can't tell the event itself is abuse but if other abuse is going on, this definitely contributed to it, worked to hide it, to smear you, to isolate you, and to create a public perception where you are at fault, and not the victim.

You're not being too sensitive, I believe anyone would at least be really pissed if this happened on their birthday. I would want to leave immediately. I understand it's not really a possibility to ask your parents if they enabled this (all they'd need to do is say no), but it's also very difficult to imagine someone would do this without any incentive from your parents.

EDIT: OH SORRY for misunderstanding the detail! I just saw a reply informing me it was the father's birthday, not the asker's. In that case it's not ruining a birthday, just using their own birthday to humiliate a child, still equally bad. sorry!

#ruined birthday #abusers generally love ruining birthdays #and punishing their children for getting attention #making sure if they do get attention its negative #it feels like something an abuser would organize #i'm so sorry :(#that must be a really awful birthday memory #i don't think any normal parent would want their child's birthday ruined like this #and someone should have asked if you were okay #and commented on how insensitive and innapropriate that song was

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sharky-the-idiot · 7 months

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So Maria is the granddaughter of Dr.Gerald robotnik, who is also the grandfather of eggman. Maria and eggman are cousins I believe, unless it's been changed as of like 2018+. Maria has N.I.D.S, an illness that causes the affected person to get weaker and weaker and need constant medical attention as it progresses, and so her and her grandfather are in space, due to the anti gravity helping the symptoms to not progress as fast. While up there, her grandfather, who was actually the opposite of eggman, a kind caring person who wanted to use science for good and help cure his granddaughter was put on a task to create the ultimate life form by the government. So he created shadow, Gerald gave Shadow a soul so that humanity would not abuse his power for monstrous acts. Little did Gerald know that in the end, he himself was still only human. the plan was called off while still being worked on, and he was taken away and executed by the govfor creating shadow and 'putting humanity in danger' despite building its best protector. They interrogated him, before asking "is that all?" And it cuts to black, them prolly shooting him off screen. He didn't get a trial either, so it was straight up murder. While all this was happening, it's seen in the cutscenes of both the games and anime, that Maria was standing above a control panel weakly, before it cuts to a scene of shadow in the tube thing, in shadows flashback it showing maria saying how she wanted revenge on humanity. this is seen altered a lot though And YKNOW WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP? The fact that Gerald altered shadows memory so he wouldn't feel as pained, only the true meaning and stuff coming out when Amy says something that triggers it. And because of eggman being related, imagine if that's the reason he's so fucked up now This actually would explain why Eggman has so many childish characteristics despite being a grown man - since people who have experienced severe trauma as children often carry on childlike traits well into their adulthood to cope with the fact that the innocence of their childhood was cut short. It makes the concept of his "Eggmanland" amusement park SO much more tragic when you think about how it's probably a manifestation of the final drops of a traumatized childs innocence seeping through the cracks of an angry, bitter and broken old man's rampage of revenge against a world that wronged him and his loved ones so brutally, suddenly and pointlessly that he lost his goddamn mind That might also be why he hates sonic so much, due to him striking a resemblance to shadow. Oh and btw Shadow's design is based on the Prophecy of Super Sonic. In otherwords, Shadow almost owes his existence to Sonic in every way. but also due to Gerald coming into contact with Black Doom during his experimental processes, who offered up his immortal alien DNA in order to create Shadow. That's why Shadow looks like Black Doom and its why he's immortal while being able to channel the power of the Chaos Emeralds. Black doom is also why they shut down the project AND HIS FUCKING LAST SPEACH FUCKS ME ALL THE WAY UP! YOU DONT EXPEVT LINES LIKE "You ungrateful humans who took everything away from me will feel my loss and despair…" FROM A GOD DAMN SONIC GAME WHERE SOMEBODY IS CHAINED UP AND ABOUT TO BE KILLED Oh and Shadow tried to retcon certain details; such as wanting to remember Gerald fondly. The same man that nearly destroyed the entire planet from beyond the grave due to being driven mad with grief. This entire story line (not including silvers, knuckles backstory, blaze's lore ect) is why I'm still so into sonic.

infodump on shadow the hedgehog lore ehe

I saw Maria and thought both "SPLATOON⁉️⁉️⁉️" AND "OMORI⁉️⁉️⁉️" at the same time I need help

anyways BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUUUT ME OFFFF /ref

#help

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tryndei · 1 year

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i have seen these replies under the video of alexander saying «no, don't do that!» to daniel who is ruining pylones in orb chamber and then i realised that this is not only amusing how he desperately tries to rule the situation while daniel is compeletely MAD and would not stop just because alexander commands him to but it also looks a lot like the moment when child is grown up and their abusive parent still tries to manipulate them but now it will not work because this person HAS REALISED what kind of shit their parent did to them in their childhood

this is the literally what had happened in amnesia between daniel and alexander--

daniel only trusted alex because alexander was his father figure (because daniel would trust any older man who will show him affection lol) and dan was literally fully depended on him and could not stand up to his suspicious "ways to remove shadow far away from them"

therefore when he arrived to brennenburg and alex started to support him danny was in his childhood phase aka when he was controlled by his shitty father being a child so he could not do anything to protect himself and move anywhere from the abusive parent and had to obey BUT with his biological dad he felt much more despair and disgust because he was openly abusing him and dan knew this however alexander did it in the way so the boy could not realise- so logically daniel felt kind of sypmathy to alex seeing how the baron cared for him genuinely THIS POOR BOY COULD NOT EVEN IMAGINE HOW AWFUL WAS THE IMPACT OF THIS OLD PIECE OF SHIT so alexander continued shamelessly manipulating him until danny became compeletely insane and possesed and would obey alexander unconditionally THEN alexander knew that he has superiority over a boy and he really thought that he will always be in charge-- NO WAY

it shows how daniel was in his childish state when he was helpless dependent trusting the tales alexander was telling him but when HE FINALLY REALISED which shit was happening around him all the time then he moved into his grown-up state and felt WRATH even frustation and hate and THEN HE MIGHT UNDERSTAND THAT THE SCENARIO REPEATED and feel genuine sorrow dissapontment and spite towads alexander the man who he trusted in the man who raised him and cared for him like a true loving father would....... and daniel felt himself being used and abused by the figure who he relied on AGAIN

and this is so painfully,,

but alexander still beileved he had power to subdue daniel like an abusive parent thinks he has abylity to put down their child in any situation and any age but now the child grew up and will not listen to commands this hell giving them so now daniel understood EVERYTHING and craved revenge and he will not obey anymore

these words of alexander which has a matter then have no matter now

and by the way basically abusive parents think and say what a child have i raised when their child being mad at them or simply not doing what they have been said to AND ALEXANDER LITERALLY SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN THE END OF THE GAME I SWEAR I REMEMBER and the actual point is YES what a child YOU have raised because they usually believe they did nothing wrong and their "creation" just being ungrateful and disrespectful they just believe that this cannot be! if their creation blaming them which means it is the mistake of this parent or if their child being just like them SO DID ALEXANDER.

andd that is the end thank you for listening to my sudden monologue <3

by the way dan's father and alexander with their actually HUGE impact on their son are really alike especially in this contest--- oh godness

#amnesia the dark descent #daniel of mayfair #alexander of brennenburg #that is why the father/son dynamic is the best for them btw-#also i am crying over this #that is heartbreaking FRICTIONAL GAMES WHY #i hate you amnesia lore DO YOU HEAR ME I HATE YOU!!!!

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eu-n-estive-aqui · 6 months

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Vent letter

Hi, this isn't much of a story or fanfic, it's actually just for me to express what I've been holding back, an outburst for myself. How is it possible that a person who should be our comfort figure treats you worse than your own dog? This is my mother, I don't understand how I can hate her and love her at the same time. It's not like she's all bad either, she does nice things for me, it makes me feel bad that I still resent her despite that. They always say that I'm a lot like her, maybe that's why she tends to take out her frustrations on me. I don't judge her despite that, she had a very abusive family environment, but it's not fair to me. I constantly feel a void in terms of affection, something that she has in abundance for my younger sisters, her angels and her pride. Regardless of what my sisters do, they are always received with such understanding and affection, while I am received with anguish and contempt, she even blames me so that I understand that she makes sacrifices for me too, as if that were good for me, just ends up causing weight beyond normal. If I end up having a panic or anxiety attack, she fights with me anyway, because according to her I'm not old enough to give "pee" (I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was a child, but I don't receive psychological support) I never demanded anything, I always tried to understand, I was never one to ask for a lot of gifts or toys, but when I asked for one (which was very simple), she demanded that my sisters get something big, so as not to be unfair to them. Even when they give me gifts she thinks about my sisters, at Christmas my aunt gave me a little money (just because she was my godmother), and my mother immediately told me and fought with me to return and deny this gift, because according to her I wasn't It was fair to my sisters, and they would be very sad, but what about me? Did she happen to think of me? And now my relationship with her has reached such an unbearable level that it's practically suffocating me. She wants me to live like she did, and if I complain or ask for something, she becomes victimized and compares me to my sisters. It's shit to be constantly compared to someone younger than you, she even uses me as a threat to my sisters, I've heard her tell them that they shouldn't be like me, that I'm ungrateful, rebellious and that I don't do anything useful. She once said that I only live in this house because I owe her. She already hit me and locked me in a room, because she thought I had hit one of my sisters, even though she had hurt herself. And whenever my sisters are doing something that bothers me and makes me uncomfortable, she simply says that I should be ashamed of myself and not fight with someone younger than me. Every time I need or try to spend time with my mom, she says she's busy with my sisters, and fights with me for wanting her attention too. My father has already noticed our problematic relationship, and ends up having discussions with my mother about it, and then she comes to me and says that if she or my father split up, it would be my fault. And I simply can't take being treated like this anymore, my mental state is already worn out, exhausted, practically begging for peace. I started to think about the possibility of just ending my life soon, I can't live like this anymore, I feel like I'm slowly dying with each passing day. I've even started thinking about ways I could kill myself without feeling pain, I've imagined myself dying in casual everyday situations, and I've already hurt my own body. I simply don't know what to do anymore.

#mother issues #vent post

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qumiiiquinnquin · 10 months

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i dont know if my memory serves me right anymore

i dont think im remembering any of the things i claim happened to me correctly anymore

i feel like all this trauma and abuse i say happened to me is a lie , that im forgetting and saying things that were honestly super minor in the moment , but became something i twisted the details of in my head into something worse than what it was , because i had forgotten

did my nana really say unpleasant things to me that warranted me to say she's extremely self centered and manipulative? did my mom really treat us that poorly as we grew up , when i know she's bipolar and i need to be more understanding of her and not get angry or hurt? did my aunt really do things that deserved her to not be called an aunt by me anymore , and make me recoil at just hearing her name?

surely im not misremembering things that my nana has done to get her way. surely im not misremembering mistreatment i faced from my mom. surely im not misremembering how i had to wear a plastic smile all the time to satisfy my aunt.

but am i?

im just holding grudges against family and trying to escape for no reason. right? if i made a list of all the terrible things my nana , mom , and aunt have done , everyone would agree they're bad , until i say all the good. then , i become an ungrateful child , because i care so much more about how i was wronged by them instead of the nice and pleasant things they've done for me.

not just them. my whole family. im not being understanding enough of everyone. i had to make it all about me.

that kid who "sa'ed" me , did he really? wasn't i just asking for it? it's my fault , and i had no right to escape. right? all that flashbacks and breaking down , that only started to happen 6 years after the situation. was it really that serious? did it really affect me that badly? im intentionally thinking about it , right?

ive talked to friends about my family and that incident , they say my family definitely could've been better , and some relatives it's understandable that i want to leave them behind. that the things they did weren't normal. that even if i did something that was completely wrong and i did deserve to be punished , the punishment i was given was too extreme. that things some relatives have said aren't okay. that my dad had no right to threaten to sock me in the jaw for cussing at school when i was 10 , that his ways of snapping me out of episodes really aren't necessary or okay , that my mom isn't showing me the respect im looking for and that i don't owe any of my abusive relatives anything. that the situation wasn't my fault and i didn't deserve it , and such thoughts are a common trauma response to sa and r@pe.

ive trusted them on that for a while. but i keep thinking maybe all of us are in the wrong.

i say all that and ill just be given nice words in return , when i know im a bratty child and really it is all my fault.

i have been self-gaslighting heavily for a few weeks now. when i talk about it with friends i tend to fall into the spiral into thoughts that im in the wrong and everyone else is right. the gaslighting is working , luckily , that it is entirely my fault and i need to get a grip , and repair the damage i have caused my entire family. i need to treat them like people and show them my love instead of hating every second of being around them or receiving any contact from them.

i feel like ive forgotten everything and this gaslighting will eventually make me forget entirely. i can feel sorry for myself all i want , i just can't act like or say i was abused or manipulated or anything. others have it worse , i cant say such things about myself.

right? because nothing actually happened right?

everything i say really is for attention right?

im imagining things that never happened right?

i don't remember. it's all a blur.

#vent #tw child trauma #tw abuse #tw sa #tw r@pe mention #tw family issues

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spiritdreamt · 2 years

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PERCY’S HOME LIFE, SPECIFICALLY JANICE’S ABUSE.

percy was never really “punished” in any sort of traditional sense; she was rarely grounded, and neither her father nor janice ever raised a hand against her, mostly because she was by most normal accounts a well-behaved child. she got almost exclusively fantastic grades (struggling some in anything that required math, but never so much that she failed a test), was never given detention, balanced academics and extra-curriculars, and largely was the apple of every teacher’s eye. a pleasure to have in class. her letters of recommendation for college applications sang her praises: percy was a kind, selfless girl, a hard worker with a bright mind and a wild imagination.

none of this, of course, spared her from janice. what got her praise from other adults in her life got her nothing from her stepmother. straight a’s, lead roles in musicals, any accomplishment: when presented to janice, percy would receive a flat “okay,” if she got any response at all. this led pretty directly to percy considering high-achievement to be her bare minimum, directly feeding her ambition. being the perfect student got her nothing, so she was terrified of what would happen if she faltered in school.

after all, she knew what happened if she faltered at home. struggling with adhd that wouldn’t be diagnosed until she took matters into her own hands in college, percy often forgot to do chores or other household tasks. vacuuming on saturdays would slip her mind, empty toilet paper rolls would go unchanged, the napkin holder would remain empty, the soap dispenser empty as well, and she would forget that the dishwasher needed to be emptied, or the trash and recycling needed to be taken out. to janice, these were all signs of laziness, and she made it very clear that percy was ungrateful and spoiled to think that she didn’t have to help out around the house after everything janice had done for her. early on, percy would try to explain that she’d forgotten—but this got written off as lying, so she quickly gave up and turned to just saying “sorry” as she tried not to cry. there were also times where janice would begin to clean the house, and when percy asked if she needed help, she would say no—only to complain later that same day about nobody ever helping around the house (clearly aimed at percy).

janice wasn’t always cruel; she had moments where she was almost motherly, getting percy gifts on a whim and even, on rare occasions, actually congratulating her on her achievements. when she was younger, percy would think that maybe she’d somehow appeased her stepmother, or that somehow janice had changed—only to be disappointed in a week, two tops, when the old janice was back. as she grew up, percy began to notice that these moments of “kindness” were always thrown back in her face later as more proof that she was ungrateful, a bad kid.

also, while janice never hit percy, she would absolutely take out her anger in physical ways: stomping around, slamming doors/cupboards, etc. she also yelled frequently, and if she wasn’t yelling she was being passive-aggressive. she also would make cruel comments and then get irritated when percy got upset at what janice insisted were jokes. when percy cried at janice’s treatment, she was often told variations of “cry all you want, this is how life is,” or, in some situations, the tears only made janice angrier.

percy carries responses from this trauma well into her adult life. passive-aggression (or acts that janice would do passive-aggressively) tends to make her shut down, with her either leaving the situation for a room where she can be alone or, if she’s especially triggered, freezing because she’s afraid that if she tries to remove herself, she’ll end up being yelled at. as late as her mid-twenties, this is the case—regardless of how much she trusts the other person, or how little they’ve exhibited such behavior before. if someone seems upset or angry, she’ll ask what’s wrong, and either “nothing” or another non-answer will make her fret for hours that she’s done something wrong and cause her to essentially trip over herself trying to make everything perfect so that the other person doesn’t snap at her (cleaning, cooking dinner, staying quiet and out of the way). heavy footsteps and loudly closing doors and cupboards, even not out of anger, will make her flinch, especially if she’s already spiraling. with very few exceptions (pretty much only when she knows that she’s done absolutely nothing wrong), someone she cares about raising their voice at her will send her into a panic attack. finally, she feels intense shame when she cries in front of others, and will do everything she can to stop herself from crying: keeping her face impassive, trying to hold back tears, holding her breath so she doesn’t have a complete breakdown (it usually doesn’t work).

#long post #ask to tag #about.#dyn ; said i loved you but i lied (janice richardson).#there's also the comments on her eating habits & weight that i mentioned in another post #but i accidentally triggered myself a little bit when i tried to write that out in here so :^)#sdhfgkjds

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mountphoenixrp · 2 years

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We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

Azazel, who is known by no other name, a 22 year old son of Nyx. He is a bartender at Minx.

FC NAME/GROUP: Park Sunghoon/Enhypen CHARACTER NAME: Azazel AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 22 -10/30 PLACE OF BIRTH: Somewhere in Korea OCCUPATION: Bartender @ Minx Burlesque Club and Lounge, Underground piercer training to do tattoo's HEIGHT: 173cm - 5'6 WEIGHT: 55kg - 125lbs DEFINING FEATURES: Beauty mark shaped like a moon on left cheek, purple eyes, pale shimmery pearl like skin, silver freckles over his nose, scar over his right temple to his forehead, scars on his fingers and fingertips, knuckles from fighting, tattoo's of a curse down his back and neck, tattoos on his thighs and lower arms to try and hide burn scars from cigarettes, eyebrow piercing, left ear has 5 piercings, right ear has 3.

PERSONALITY: Saying he hated everyone is an understatement. His lack of reaction and cold attitude often get him into fights but he handles them well. Keeps to himself usually but if someone does get him to talk it's never what anyone wants to hear.

Being far to honest and blunt with what he says he doesn't really see the means of having a filter, sugar coating his words. It isn't his intention to insult someone or tear down their dandy day but it also isn't his job to build it up either. He was never sugar coated growing up so why should he do it to strangers? But he really isn't all bad, deep down there was a softness hidden inside that he made sure to keep from others on fear of being hurt again.

Trust was far to none and gaining it more rare than him smiling. Fashionable and artistic, he hides his scars and the various things he doesn't want anyone to see under his expensive layers.

HISTORY: TW - Mentions of abuse and child neglect, drugs and alcohol.

Before this Azazel lived in a wooden box, not metaphorically he literally lived in a box. Azazel didn't understand why he had been placed here when before he had such a warm and happy home, a mom and a dad he thought loved him so much. He had games, a bed, all the snacks he could have wanted, and love. So why was he here? What Azazel wasn't told is the people he was with before finally got pregnant and decide they didn't want to foster a child anymore. That they weren't adopting him anymore. Being adopted was a joke, thrown into a foster home where the woman was so perfect on the outside but behind closed doors she was a monster. Addicted to anything and everything that could give her a rush, using the money she got taking Azazel's in to fuel her wild lavish life. Drugs, alcohol, expensive clothes, sex, she did it all without shame or care. Especially without care.

Inside some room of the home the toddler was stuffed into a box left in the dark with a blanket and a torn up purple star plushie, left in there for hours while she did whatever she did. At first he would claw and scratch at it's surface until his fingers bled..but over time If he was good and quiet she would let him out to watch cartoons, eat scraps of what she had left laying around and play with various object; most of which weren't safe but he imagined them as something else. When there were home checks she would convince him to pretend everything was perfect with promises of cookies and an extra hour in the television, which he obeyed. He would be smacked if he called her momma or asked for more of something, would be burned with cigarettes if he came out if his box or wet his pants.

At once point when he was 6 he asked to go outside while she was drunk and when she didn't answer he tried, much to her displeasure. She screamed about how he was ungrateful, how he tried to leave after all she has done ultimately hitting him in the head with an astray. He didn't cry though because if he had she would have hit him more. Of course she didn't take him to the doctor, deciding to just give him a sleeping pill and do it herself. For years the cycle kept up, his need for a parental love or any love at all slowly fading the more he was neglected and abused. The box got bigger until it just became a closet and Azazel still played along when visits came because who would want a teenager if he went back? What if the next place is worse? His trust went further and further down the drain before finally running out, leaving nothing but a cold husk of a warm child behind.

He didn't attent school but he didn't need to. Being unnaturally smart Azazel had learned fast just from seeing how to cook, clean, dress himself with the two outfits he had, read and write. Every time the woman was out or drunk he would sneak out of closet to do whatever was needed to teach himself basic necessities. How to live.

When he turned 18 and the woman demanded his checks that were now addressed to him, but for once he said no. Running away wasn't easy.. quickly he learned his eyes didn't work in daylight, blind against the overly bright and menacing light. He couldn't go outside at all during the day having to changing his schedule to fit a night life, it wasn't easy to move only in the night but it was ideal. Sorta. The streets were hard and the shelters rough, any further trust that lingered melted away with every fist he took to the face and dealt back. He fought people every day whether it was for no reason other then them being offended he didn't care, helping someone that couldn't help themselves, or getting rid of the guys that woman sent got his money.. he fought. Black eye, busted lip, he never showed up without something on his body. Another cycle was starting to form and for a couple years he let it, until he couldn't handle being stuck again. Stuck in another repeating cycle of abuse and neglect, this time it was his own fault.

Azazel searched and searched for a means to escape, to go anywhere else.. but no matter where he went in Korea trouble followed. Eventually the talk of an island reached his ears, with the promise of a place he could go where he could really leave this hell hole behind, that woman's goons unable to find him.. he took the risk of finding it. The island really was remote, far off the coast where no one would know of him. Mount Phoenix was it's name. There he felt a strange pull, didn't fully understand the weird feeling of the place, just liked he could start new.

Finding an underground tattoo shop they took him in when seeing his talent, gave him a temporary place to stay above the shop until he was able to house himself. If he hadn't been so broken he would have been able to show he was grateful, unfortunately..he didn't even trust the kindness that gave. Eventually the checks stopped, they probably realized he ran and a job outside apprenticeship was needed. Azazel search everywhere for anything that operated solely at night not again, it was difficult, he wanted to give up. Eventually a guy at the tattoo shop set him up with an interview at a club called Minx as a bartender, somehow getting the job with no experience but when he showed he could learn instantly by just observing.. he was hired.

PANTHEON: Greek CHILD OF: Nyx POWERS: Ability to manipulate Darkness (if in large amounts can be draining and short lived in time), Perfect ability to see at night like a cat, Ability to see prophecies but rarely and often only negative (can only see prophecies of those he has made physical contact with or those that directly influence his life.) STRENGTHS: Observant, Photogenic Memory, Quick Reflexes, Quick Witted, Artistic, Heavy Hitter, Can learn anything from watching it once. WEAKNESSES: Practicality blind during the day, Forgets to eat, Hits first-asks questions later, Hates everything, Allergies to Watermelon

#kpop rp #krp #enhyphen #park sunghoon #enhyphen sunghoon #mp; welcome

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bayzadas · 2 years

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So I met this person who said "if only his (Tony's) dad was ever actually developed to be actually abusive" and that's bullshit. Howard clearly abused Tony in a lot of ways- emotionally, mentally, physically.

He made Tony drink alcohol when Tony was a literal child, told him he had to be a man. That's how Tony's drinking problem started. Howard forcing a child, his own child, to drink. He told him that drinking will put hair on his chest, and that he had to stop being a sissy. He hit Tony when he saw him playing with toys. He physically abused him for acting his age. Because of Howard, Tony stopped playing with toys. There were only weapons. Tony literally promised him "No toys, just weapons."

In the comics, Howard literally tried to sell Tony to Dracula in exchange of immortality. He died, became a demon and tried to kill his own son in hell. And people are still saying that he tried his best to be a dad and that he failed? My friend, he didn't even try a little. Imagine being that ignorant.

And no, MCU Howard isn't better. Howard literally scarred Tony for his whole life. He didn't let him be a child. He wanted him to be another version of himself. Iron Man 2 tried to show Howard as a good man by making him say "You were my greatest creation" and that was full of shit. First of all, he didn't even try to show Tony that he appreciated him even just a little bit. That man didn't even bothered to tell Tony he loved him even once. And then he recorded himself saying that? You gotta try a little harder if you want your son to think better of you, Howard. Also, saying that your own son is your greatest creation is weird. Tony is his own person. He isn't a machine that Howard made, that man doesn't own him.

Avengers Endgame also tried to make Howard look better and that made me sick. That was awful. Endgame was so bad for that. Tony hugged his abuser, forgave him, and literally thanked him for everything.

Russo brothers, what the hell? What did Tony thank Howard for, exactly? Ignoring him? Starting his drinking problem? Hitting him? Abusing him verbally? Physically? Not letting him be a child for once? Are those the things Tony thanked Howard for?

And don't even get me started on "The kid's not even here yet, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him." Everything about this sentence is awful. Horrible. Disgusting. Makes me sick. You know why? Because that is a way of saying Tony is the one to blame.

Knowing how Howard treated Tony, this literally means Tony is the one who failed to meet Howard's expectations. Tony's the one who's at fault for the way how Howard abused him. Because he wasn't good enough. Because he wasn't what Howard wanted him to be. If Tony was what Howard expected, Howard wouldn't be so bad with him. But Tony disappointed him, so Howard gave up on him. That's literally what that sentence means. Tony's playing the victim. He's being ungrateful to his dad. Howard's not wrong for the way how he raised Tony, Tony should've known better.

Did you know that Tony, as a fourteen years old child, was so traumatized to the point he built something he called "Stark City"? He built that as an apology to his father. And you know what he was trying to apologize for? Living. He tried to apologize Howard for living and Howard didn't even see it.

Imagine the feeling. Imagine the way how he felt his whole childhood. Abused. Ignored. Depressed. Maybe even suicidal, since he literally regretted being born as a fourteen years old. But yeah, only if Howard was actually developed to be an abusive father.

Fuck you, Russo brothers. Fuck you, Howard apologists.

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recoverychronicles · 7 months

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Entry 2.

January - March 2018

I can’t imagine anybody would think, from knowing how the relationship was, that moving in together would work out okay.

Ill do you one better, we then moved in with his family. Don’t get me wrong, they were super nice to also take me in, and allow me to move in with them, they probably also knew it wasn’t a smart idea to the two of us to live together after knowing each other for the time that we did. Two hormonal 18 year olds? I don’t think so.

Im 100% certain the plan was for us to move into the family’s granny flat, but his uncle still had a month left out there, so we were in the spare room. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for saying this, but i had no privacy of my own, let alone in a room in a house of a family of 5. If you’re thinking it was claustrophobic, it was.

It was around this time that the super controlling behaviours started.

I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed until he woke up, me being an early riser and him waking up at 1pm most days, the joys of being unemployed.

I had to ask permission to go to the toilet, and I wasn’t allowed to take my phone with me. I wasn’t allowed to eat without his permission, and if i was hungry when he wasn’t i just had to have a cup of tea to suppress my hunger until he was ready. My eating disorder was thriving in this environment but my body wasn’t. With this new rule he had implemented in my life, over the course of the next 6 months, i lost 35kgs. I went from 85-90kgs to a 55kgs stick. I dropped from an AUS pant size 12 to a 6/8. Sometimes his mother rallied behind my eating disorder brain and even gave me tips, i was scared of what i was capable of “accomplishing” with the new found information she had given me, as well as his strict enforcement.

He then implemented his “no showering alone” rule, he could shower alone by all means, but i was not allowed to, heaven for bid i could be talking to other boys on my phone in the shower and sending nudes while i was in there.

About this time in the relationship is when he started to go through my phone while i slept, he felt insecure while we were watching a movie? I was to hand over my phone so that he could go through it. One of these nights while i slept, he decided it was the perfect time to check to see what i had been up to, and instead of being a normal person, and only getting insecure about things that had happened in the relationship, he would go through the entire history of every app i had downloaded. He woke me up on this particular night, because he had found nude photos that i had sent when i was 16 (a whole year before i knew he existed), and started an argument over it. Wanna know how it ended? I was to send him the photos, delete the chat and remove that boy… who wants nudes of their girlfriend when they were 16? Isn’t that classed as child pornography?

2 nights later? He did the same thing, except with my photos app. He found a photo of me with two of my male friends, my tits were out as i had gotten my nipples pierced THAT DAY. Me, obviously proud that i had done that, happily posed for the photo that was on only my phone. Woke me up, started an argument. Solution? Deleting the photo and my friends of all forms of social media.

It was at the beginning of January we were invited to my best friends 18th down in her hometown. His family own a shack down there so we went with his family, and went to our drinks for her birthday. He spent the whole time betting on the horses and the dogs, and I wasn’t allowed to leave his side. Im not sure how the argument this night even started, I remember we were on our walk home and the only words we would say were screamed at each other. Upon our entrance to the caravan park, I don’t know how it happened or why, but i went to step in front of him and i ended up shoving him into the fence of the tennis court. He would continue to hold that against me, even after he held scissors to my throat.

This then progressed in sexual abuse.

I started getting pressured into having sex with him, anytime he wanted, anywhere he wanted. The sexual abuse is the main part that I’ve shut out of my brain. The time that the sexual abuse started, my undiagnosed Endometriosis symptoms started to show. I had no idea what Endo was, I didn’t know i had it, these symptoms came out of nowhere. I already had the pain during sex, but the nausea afterwards was mild where i could get through it and pretend it wasn’t there. i thought the pain during sex was normal, I hadn’t been having sex before i met him, I didn’t know any better. The nausea started to get excruciating, to the point where i was sitting in the shower for an hour the next morning with an ice block because it was still there. Even with nausea, pain and bleeding, he would still pressure and beg me for a round 2, and a round 3, and morning sex, with no guilt. No apology.

Towards the end of January i had a fight with one of the girls i mentioned from schoolies. I was upset because i felt as though all of my friends were leaving me because i had a boyfriend, it didn’t take me long into the relationship to realise that it was the boyfriend that i had chosen. I think he particularly made me cut off contact with my best friend because i would confide in her about what was actually happening in the relationship, rather than just tell her the good parts, the parts that you only show social media. From memory i had confronted this particular friend, yelling at her over text messages about how it was unfair that all the other girls were allowed to have boyfriends but I wasn’t, and how i least expected it to come from her, to just cut me off without an explanation.

It took me 3 years to figure out that i actually had a crush on her our entire friendship, and whilst we grew closer as friends, i also began gaining feelings for her. I blamed me being bisexual on thinking one of the popular girls had a crush on me because she was nice to me, of all people, in high school and actively wanted to hang out with me. Turns out she was just a nice person. Being bisexual was something another part of my identity that was taken away from me because it made him uncomfortable.

“that means you could cheat on me with men and women and I don’t like that, are you sure you’re not just faking it for attention?”

Not wanting to cause an argument, i responded, “thats probably what it is, I’m straight.”

“Thanks you.”

The argument with he friend didn’t go well, and i ended up just pushing her away, when i would have really needed her in the future. When i finally left the relationship and came out about what i went through, she was extremely apologetic, and appologied to me for months. When in reality, how was anybody supposed to know the lengths he went to to torment me, when I wasn’t allowed to say anything?

February came around, and i was ready to leave, but, my pride wouldn’t let me. I had put up a fight to be with this guy, that I thought loved me, and i had hopes that it would get better.

Our first Valentine’s Day together, was a shit show. I had expectations that it would be romantic, guess its my fault for having those sort of expectations for a guy like him. We spent the entire day fighting over the town. He was screaming, i was screaming. He had this notion in his head that if he wanted to walk away from an argument he could just stay put and have time to himself, but if he were to leave, I HAD to follow him. Then there were other times, where i told him i needed space, and he wouldn’t even give me a centimetre of room. I don’t know who told him to do that, it definitely wasn’t me.

We ended up in the local park screaming at each other for hours, this was the first argument where i had the courage to message someone about what was actually going on, and i picked the last person on my side, the real DUFF in the friendship group. I talked to her every time i managed to get a minute alone, where he wasn’t screaming at me in public.

Then, he would compensate for the argument with being overly loving, caring and compassionate. Does that come under love bombing or just being an abusive narcissist?

2 weeks later, the girl i was talking to during that argument was in our area and asked me to catch up. Knowing I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without permission, i asked his mum whether i was allowed to have a friend over. I thought that i was being respectful, according to him i should have asked his permission, asking his mum wasn’t good enough. As if she didn’t own the house.. you guess it, that started an argument, he was on his way back from school, screaming at me over the phone on the bus. Very rational response.

While he was at school, he met a girl that be befriended. In the beginning it was okay with this, all i asked for was that he keep me updated and not do anything that would disrespect me. Over the course of a couple days i was stuck in my own head about him being with a girl all day. I can’t imagine that he would be okay with me A) going to school and B) making a male friend, so i started to get uncomfortable and began to shut down. The way that i expressed my feelings when i decided to fess up wasn’t model behaviour.

One day while he was at school I received unsolicited dick pics, and guess who got blamed for it, me. The way he reacted to me telling him things just made me not want to tell him, but when he went ballistic at me over it, i was demanded to give him space while he spoke to his girl friend about it all. I was upset that he would rather communicate with someone else rather than me over an issue that directly related to me.

That wasn’t the first time that he put her over me, but thats coming.

March.

Time to meet his deadbeat dad. Sperm donor. The guy that refused to pay for school shoes. The guy that cheated on his mum with zero sympathy.

We spent the day strolling around the city, waiting for him to tell us when he was ready. What do Normal couples decide to do when they’re aimlessly walking around a city? Public sex. Ill insert a spoiler alert here, if your partner says to you that the door is locked, don’t believe them, and check for yourself. That was my mistake.

We thought the UNI study hub was the best place to decide to have our public sexcapade. He told me multiple times that the door was locked, and i stupidly believed him. We fucked, i was on my period and still paranoid that I could get pregnant so i told him he needed to pull out, i started walking to the toilet with my tights at my ankles, and he began cumming in the bin next to the sink.

That’s when someone walked in.

I shouldn’t be the one that is mortified, I wasn’t the one cumming in a bin, in public.

Then we were on our way to go meet his dad, who was as standoffish as any person could be, barely spoke 2 words to me, barely even looked at me, you’d think I wasn’t even there, or i was his personal security, thats how little i existed that night. He never stood up for me to his dad, he just let him get away with treating me like that, but I shouldn’t have had high expectations.

A week later he was upset that i posted a selfie on instagram without his permission…

The apocalypse birthday. The name kind of gives it away, this night there was a lot.

His mum had booked us a hotel for 2 nights as her birthday present to him, a beautiful gesture.

We were invited to a friends birthday party before we went to town, where one of our male friends kissed my boyfriend on the lips on arrival, immediate shit mood. Normally that wouldn’t have upset me, i think i only began to react to situations the way that he would, almost like i was conditioned to. I shut down, i went quiet.

I only snapped when we were in the line for a club in town, when he made a snarky comment to me about something, and i bit back, and proceeded to leave. I made my way back to the hotel room and started to get ready for bed. When he came bursting through the door screaming at me, threatening to kill himself. This argument was the most intense it had ever gotten, and the most heated.

This is where the suicidal threats began. He threatened to kill himself multiple times, i tried reasoning with him, i tried getting angry and upset at him, i even tried physical restraint, where he would just end up screaming for help and telling the people in the rooms around us that i was trying to kill him. Id had enough and tried to leave. I wasn’t equipped to try and help someone in that situation, even after everything i had already tried. As i was leaving he continued to scream asking for help, instead of leaving the situation and him, i decided to call his best friend. I don’t know what it was about me calling him, but he snapped back to reality too quickly, and went straight back to normal, and was now just upset at me because i had called him.

#dv survivor #DV #SA #sa survivor #Abuse #tw abuse #tw disordered eating #tw sex assault

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lonelier-version-of-you · 1 year

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Oh wooow the parallels between the abuse cases for Henrik and Jac. I’m convinced there was something there especially with the Gaskell stuff and it is so frustrating that they didn’t have the guts to say what. And I remain baffled at how they went out of their way to make sure Henrik wasn’t supported properly and was publicly shamed when they finally (racistly and retconnedly ????? why bring Sahira back for that) addressed his trauma.

I know, right?? It's really interesting how many parallels there are. There was very obviously something going on there (the show pretty much spelled out that they were getting at something back in S14E08 with the "You think we're alike?" conversation), but for some inexplicable reason they just never delved into it. The fact that Henrik and Jac talking about their respective experiences of abuse is like, the most obvious "this is a scene that should happen at some point" thing, and yet it never did happen, will forever confuse me.

I want to be able to say that I'm confused by how they went out of their way to isolate Henrik and publicly humiliate him, but sadly I'm not, to be honest. Kate Oates does tend to do sexual assault storylines (particularly when the victim is male, for some reason) that turn out like that - I have not-so-fond memories of when she did a rape storyline on Corrie, and the victim got sent to prison for a good while whereas his rapist just walked free?!?!

Add that to the fact that Holby was already obsessed with victimising Henrik, and with pleasing the fans who think he's a good person who can do no wrong and that any mistake he makes is because he's a pure little uwu child who was manipulated by others (the Gaskell storyline is an excellent example of this - throughout the storyline itself, the show went out of its way to be clear that Henrik was enabling John of his own free will, even including scenes where John himself actually said he thought he might be going too far with the trial and Henrik encouraged him to carry on, and then the moment the storyline was over they tried to switch the narrative to "aw, poor little Henrik, Gaskell manipulated you, this isn't your fault, you should be CEO!", which I'd imagine was because of the people whining that Henrik enabling Gaskell and not being CEO was "ruining his character"), and... yeah, it's no wonder we ended up with the storyline we did.

As for why they brought Sahira into it, when she wasn't even Sahira, I'd imagine that was for similar reasons. They wanted to claim Henrik's harassment of Sahira was him protecting her from awful people like her dad. The blame gets shifted right back onto the Shah family, instead of Henrik himself, and all the Henrik apologists (I was going to say "Henrik fans", but there are plenty of Henrik fans, including myself, who aren't like this) who have been hating on Sahira for years and calling her an ungrateful bitch and saying Henrik was just trying to help her feel vindicated. (It tells you everything about what some people in this fandom are like that there was more upset about Henrik being "retconned" into being queer, when that's been an established part of his character since 2017, than there was about the actual retcons with Sahira. Sigh.)

#asks #anons #tw;csa #tw;abuse #tw;sexual harassment mention

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kayla7k · 1 year

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Its rant time 💜

One of the things I have always adored about books is the emotional connection. The event of the characters life dont have to be exactly identical to the reader/writers life for it to capture a feeling in its full potentcy. An excellent example of this that i would like to disscuss, is Lemony Snickets - A Series of Unfortunate Events. Some of you are familare with the books, and some of you may have only seen the Netfix series, and some may not be familiar with either, so let me give you a run down.

The series follows the Baudelaire children after the death of their parents. They are left with an enormous fortune, to be given upon the oldest sister violet's 18th birthday, and put in the care of a previously unknown relative, Count Olaf. He proves to be a very abusive, arogant, and a down right cartoonish villian of a man. It's made very clear that he only wants them for their money. The children are clever and manage to reveal him as the conman he is, after great lengths and no one believing them till it's almost to late. They get taken away and rehomed with a new and quit loving releative. Unfortunately that's not the end. They are pursued by Count Olaf in elaborate disguises and at each new home they must try to fight, outsmart, and unmask him, but not before he causes more tragedy and death, and ending with them once again being orphaned and rehomed. It should be noted that this was a series targeted at middle school to high school age kids. You might be wondering why such a dark story was written for such a young audience, however the real question is; why did this series appealed to such young audience? When I first read this series it was long before the netflix show when I myself was middle school age. Back then it passed from the school library into the hands of almost every student Iknew. There is a very good reason for this, and it's because of that emotional connection thing i mentioned earlier, there is one thing that every kid has in common with the Baudelaires regardless of background.

A series of unfortunate events captures the absolute helplessness of childhood. Absolute helplessness. Some people might consider this a dramatic statement, but just take a moment to consider it. We are a born completely dependant on adults weather it's parents, grandparents, teachers, authority figures. They teach us to walk and talk. They house, feed, and cloth us. They are responsible for our saftey. Now with that in mind ask yourself, what happens when the adults responsible for you don't do their job? What happens when adults don't care? What happens the people who are supposed to love you don't? In my personal expirience, peoples first reaction is to argue that your parents do love you, that your teachers care, that adults are all doing their best. The truth is that this isn't always the case, but most people don't want to think about that. They can't or don't want to imagine the consiquences of that. Childhood is supposed to a wonderful time of playing and living with no responsibility, so we children come to us with problems, we tend not to believe them or reassure them that it can't be as bad as they make it out to be. Even worse, adults tend to take the word of outher adults over a childs if their stories are opposed.

This is the helplessness of childhood. Adults don't believe you. There are some acceptions, there are certainly adults who try. I'd say that most don't have ill intent when they brush off a childs concerns, but A Series of Unfortunate Events' perfectly demonstrates how wrong this mindset can be. Obviously the story is more embelished and dramatic then reality, but there are also parts that are so close to reality. I can find moments of my own childhood mixed into this work. Running to a neighbor's home trying to explain how incredibly wrong my parents were, and it takes only a few sweet words from said parent to perfectly paint me as an ungrateful and disobedient child. Desperately begging not to be sent away with a relative I know is dangerous and being ignored. Fighting for my life while everyone around me tells me it can't be that bad. Relatives who only want me for show. Taking care of myself while being told I need an adult to do it for me. Even at the end when the children finally get to tell the full story, when the people who ignored them finally promise to listen, it only takes a few words from the count to flip back onto them. All he has to do is bring up the things the children had to do only because they were desperately trying to survive and the whole room turns on them once again, because punishing a child for misbehavior is deemed more important; no one wants to hear your reasoning when you're a kid. There are very few series I've found that encapsulates these emotions in the way that this series does.

This is what I dore about books, and what I hope to bring to my own novels. This amazing emotional connection in books can mean the world to people who feel alone or unheard. Each book has its own emotional presents that only you as an author can invoke. The reason I'm writing this now is because I've heard a lot of authors talk about quitting, about not being good enough or not having something to say. You don't know who out there needs what you have to give. You don't know who will read your book and finally feel heard.

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phoenixes-and-wizards · 4 years

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ok but can we just talk about how deep reggie's abuse of his children goes? like first, we have ben, who has repeatedly established himself to be the kindest and most understanding among his siblings. despite the fact that klaus has been treating him more of a show pony than a brother for most of season 2, ben still tries to be the angel on his shoulder and offers advice when he can. he even lets it slide when klaus tells their siblings that he didn’t travel back with them, even though it’s so obvious that the remark hurt, because klaus of all people knows just how much ben misses their family, misses being alive.

but the minute klaus insinuates that he sounds just like their father, he finally shows an emotion that is anything but calm, and even goes so far as to attack his brother. this alone should be enough of an indicator as to what kind of man hargreeves was in life.

oh, and should i add that reggie just upped and decided to turn ben’s funeral--a painful occasion on it’s own--into yet another scarring life lesson for the ones he’d left behind? just imagine being shy of seventeen and having at least half the guilt in the universe weighing you down, and ben--who is right there--just wanting to tell all of them that it was “never your fault, diego, please don’t listen to him, we both know you’re better than that,” but of course he can’t, because he’s nothing more than a ghost now, so yes, welcome to powerlessness.

five goes missing and what does he do? nothing. absolutely nothing, aside from having a painting commissioned, but who's to say it wasn't a memorial like ben’s statue and more of a warning to the other children instead? something along the lines of look at how this brat disobeyed me; do you want to disappear, too?

there's luther, who even after everything their father has done to them--to him, most of all--still manages to make up bland, half-baked excuses that he himself is starting to lose faith in, and all that rage and resentment keeps stewing inside him until he reaches his breaking point, rips off his shirt, and yells at his father to look at me! look what you did to me! and it's even more heartbreaking because reggie does look, he just doesn't care

let's move on to allison. it was mentioned at one point that she was something of a daddy's girl growing up, and even though we aren't really shown much of their time together, remember when he made her rumor vanya? how she clearly didn't want to? imagine being so heartless as to instruct a four-year-old child to wipe her sister’s precious memories, all because you were scared of being unable to control her.

and who's to say there were no repeats after that: of allison turning people’s minds and bodies against them, every single one under her father’s orders as part of her “training”, and when allison fails because her conscience has finally caught up with her, who would stop him from hurting her?

definitely not her siblings or grace, and certainly not pogo.

moving on: oh god, klaus. it’s really not a no-brainer why his son barely has any respect for him, even going so far as to put out his cigarette in his father's ashes as a final fuck you, because who could respect somebody who forced you to confront your worst fears at thirteen with no safety net whatsoever, even as you screamed yourself hoarse in that damp tomb, with only your nightmares for company

later on, when klaus honest-to-goodness dies and meets him for the first time after so many years, what’s the first thing reggie does? insult him. no “i imagined it’d be a few more years before you joined me here” or “are you okay? why are you even dead, son?”

instead, reggie debunks his accusations as excuses and outright states that he will not accept a single one. instead, he reminds klaus that he is--and always will be--his father’s greatest disappointment, that him never achieving his full potential was klaus’ fault and his alone.

and when klaus chastises him for being so harsh on them and leaving luther on the moon as an easy out for his shortcomings, what’s his greatest takeaway? that he should have burned every single package luther sent back to earth instead of keeping them under the floorboards.

no apologies, no owning up to his mistakes whatsoever.

he just deflects his child’s accusations, and even attempts to gaslight klaus once more into thinking that everything he did was to make them stronger and how dare you disobey me, i made you children what you are today and this is how you repay me? what a bunch of disobedient and ungrateful brats you all are indeed

don't even get me started on vanya's treatment at his hands. otherwise we’ll be here forever.

and then, we have diego.

time and time again, diego has proven himself to be tough and capable; whose soft interior is something of a privilege bestowed only to those he truly cares for. and even though he's come so far in life and helped so many people, the minute reggie takes a shot at him with a few select words?

nope, never mind, he's eleven-years-old and back at the academy again.

the man sitting in front of him may not be their father just yet but it’s the exact same words he’s heard for most of his life, the exact same weaknesses gleaned from a single glance, and even in an alternate timeline, his father just knows where to strike, every observation landing dead center like diego’s precious knives.

(and judging from his siblings’ reactions, this speech is just a rehash of something they’ve all heard before, but it definitely doesn’t mean that it’s going to hurt their brother any less.

no, it will hurt more because he’d actually thought he was finally untouchable after all these years.)

i mean, just look at him: at the way his shoulders shrink inward subconsciously, the excited light in his eyes fading, his stutter reappearing. and despite the fact that he has spent a decade away from this bitter old man, it only takes a minute for his hard earned self-worth to crumble, and suddenly it’s so clear to us just how deep his self-esteem issues go:

because aware or not, everything diego has done and said so far ("he's an asshole; i'm amazing”) has simply been his way of coping with the fact that no matter how many acts of heroism he performs as an attempt to live up to the “perfect superhero” mold reggie forced them to fill at such a young age, their father will never view them with anything less than contempt, not even luther who barely had to work for approval and their father’s twisted version of “love” because he used to be his loyal lapdog favorite, and that is the real reason why i'm gonna hate this jackass forever, in this essay i will

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charliedawn · 3 years

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Now I suddenly imagine the nurse had transformed into a child, a innocent child who is affectionate with the slashers :D

You come up with how the reader turned into a child

💎💎💎

Author : "No offense...but I made you a brat. Sorry. I just enjoy chaos. Also, I found it funny to assign each slasher with something to do with you. Enjoy."

Penny :

Penny is..well..He kinda wants to eat you, but protect you at the same time. He never cared for any of the children he met before. But, for some reason ? He can control his urge with you. Of course, the others never let him near you when he's hungry, but once he's eaten ? He can hold you and is happy to do just that. He knows his own hunger, and would never hurt you on purpose.

His part : Wake you up.

Five :

Five is not good with children. He would either ignore you or do the strict minimum to keep you alive. He's not very comfortable with the idea of you being a child because it makes him think of himself. He is a 40 something old man in the body of a child, and he knows how annoying and infuriating that can be.

"Here we go. *takes you in his arms* Please, don't throw up on me.."

Five : Breakfast and morning.

Freddy :

He would lose his mind. Clearly. He used to love children but..Not since he got accused unfairly of abusing them. And, not only that. It seems you know that he's easy to annoy, and take every opportunity to do just that. It just makes him go crazy when you start running around and throw the food he gives you at him.

"Come back here, ya little sh*t and eat your f*cking vegetables, or Michael will have my head !"

His part : Lunch and dinner.

Arthur :

As a child, the slashers (and the members of staff at St Louis) decided you should got to school and let Arthur take care of that part. He's the only one who had a "normal education". However, Liam had to accompany him and...well...play the part of the other parent. While Arthur mainly takes care of making sure you do your homework, Liam takes care of anything administrative and teacher-parent meetings, as Arthur would probably kill the teacher who says anything against you or a classmate who you had a problem with at school..

His part : Bring you to school and get you back.

Dennis :

How do you..take care of a child ? First question that Dennis asks himself after he got assigned the job of personal chauffeur. Since he's the only one who knows how to drive, he got the job to take you to the park. But, he's not used to kids. He would just ask questions to the other personalities in his head all the time, to the point that he may lose you or even run away because of the tension. But, dont worry, he'll always find you or come back to get you. It's just too much for Dennis sometimes.

His part : Go to the park.

Brahms :

As soon as he sees you, he knows that the slashers are going to give him something stupid to do with you. So, he got the "play" card. Now, he loves making new friends. But, he hates it when the others think he's just some kid, he's still smart and knows when they're giving him the "You're a kid too" card. He likes to be taken care of, not the other way around. But, as soon as you start playing, he wouldn't mind so much.

His part : Playing with you.

Jason :

"Sleep...Please..."

Jason got the most ungrateful job of all: take care of you when you have to sleep...He's exhausted and you often make it harder by running out of your room, singing at the top of your lungs or rolling on the floor when he tells you to got to bed..The other slashers even pity him and decided to cut him some slack. Freddy doesn't even bother him so much when he takes care of you.

His part : Night time.

Pennywise :

Pennywise can control himself more easily than Penny. He is older and more experienced. Pennywise just has to make sure you're entertained. He would show you magic tricks and make you laugh. Plus, he can't do much else. However, the other slashers noticed that the best way for you to fall asleep is when he's rocking back and forth on his favorite rocking chair and you just start falling asleep in his arms. Jason noticed and had to beg the demon to do it nearly every night. Pennywise made fun of him at first, but finally accepted.

" Come on, kid ! It's rocking chair time !"

His part : Entertainment.

Michael :

"So, let me get this straight...You thought it would be a good idea to tie up a kid to a chair ?"

He asks after finding you in that exact position, gagged and your screams of protest muffled. The other slashers look away in shame or guilt and Michael just sighs loudly in exasperation. He unties you and just tries to soothe you by humming to you or just holding you. Out of all the slashers, he's the one that knows best how to handle a kid and is the closest to a good father you'll ever get.

His part : Problem-solver.

#fandoms #imagine #fanfic #pennywise 1990 #pennywise 1990 x y/n x pennywise 2017 #pennywise 2017 #pennywise x reader #brahms heelsire x reader #jason voorhees x reader #michael myers x reader #freddy krueger x reader #five hargreeves x reader #the joker x reader #arthur fleck #the horde x reader #dennis x reader #slashers au #slashers

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