#is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult. #i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

[sparatus]

Heyooo 👀

How about 1,3, 4, and/or 5 (up to you) for "When the Lights Go Down" 🥰

yessssss im still really proud of that one thank you!!

Fic Asks

Fic: When the Lights Go Down (one-shot, Saren/Nihlus, retirement)

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

honestly it's hard to say, it kinda just. flowed like that. a lot of my writing style draws from very stream-of-consciousness stuff that gets its fingers really deep into the emotional state of the characters, so i wanted something that would invoke a sense of peace and calm, let the readers feel the same sense of "it's over, we can rest now" that saren has finally allowed himself to feel and settle into after so many years of finding himself again and settling down

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

oooh that's hard, there's a lot of lines i like in there. i think i have to go with this:

Perhaps, a little voice in the back of his head murmurs, it's because Carthaan is home more than the Citadel ever was.

i'm honestly a huge sucker for things where the characters go through absolute hell but finally get to go home, and have that soft epilogue, it always hits me right in the honey nut feelios. especially for saren and nihlus, who have been all across the galaxy and back again, when neither really had much sense of home with saren bouncing around between military bases with desolas as a kid after the death of their parents and with nihlus being a mercenary son of mercenaries and his mom shoving him to the military at 16 i have Fic Ideas About That too god i have so many emotions about martelian kryik and then spectres not having much time to find a place for themselves, finally getting to have somewhere peaceful and quiet to retire to when all is said and done..... feels good feels organic

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

hmmm there's not a lot of dialogue in it but i do like this part from when nihlus is cooking dinner:

Nihlus turns to look, lifts his mandibles in greeting, and goes back to chopping. “You’re awake.”

“Much to the dismay of everyone else.” Saren’s mandibles flutter as he walks over. “I thought it was my turn to cook.”

“It is, but I didn’t want to wake you. We’ll swap with tomorrow night.”

Saren hums agreeably and leans on the counter next to the cutting board. “Is there anything I can help with?”

“No, thank you, I’m keeping it simple tonight. I wouldn’t mind some company, though.”

So that’s what Saren provides. Nihlus turns down the music so neither of them is struggling to be heard, and Saren sits at the kitchen table, and they talk. Some new topics, some old, some speculating on the future, some reminiscing about the past. Saren isn’t usually much of a conversationalist, but he’s always found it easy to talk to Nihlus.

i'm very partial to quiet, domestic bits in fic, showcasing how people are when there isn't big, dramatic things going on around them or even just whatever smaller plot is going on. it's about the gentle intimacy, it's about life moving on around the plot, it's about you still have to eat and breathe and sleep

5. What part was hardest to write?

transitions are always the death of me, honestly, especially the smaller flavor of "and then they went to x" that should only take up a small portion of the thing! the main problem i had was always like, i had the little events of the day in my head, i just struggled with how to get them moving between them. especially because the tone needed to say soft and contemplative, like they were letting the world move around them and just enjoying watching it go, so i couldn't just skip over the trip, either. AUGH transitions my old nemesis, if i'm ever lagging on a thing i guarantee the issue is trying to get a fucking transition done

#press conference #callista-curations #'up to you which ones you do' [proceeds to do all of them cause i crave reader interaction]

[sunball]

WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR PERSON'S LIFE RIGHT NOW + A MESSAGE FROM THEM

𖦹 this reading includes what is going on in your person’s life right now, what they (or their higher self) want to say to you at this moment and songs they'd like to give you. this reading is more about your future spouse or your future partner, someone who you may not be in contact with but you're curious about what they're doing.

𖦹 so there will be two paragraphs for each pile (what your person is doing and what they want to say to you). you can choose more than one pile. ex: pile 1 for what your person is doing and pile 2 for the message.

𖦹 how does this work? close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you.

𖦹 take what resonates.

THE PILES

PILE 01

now playing:

now playing:

pile 01's songs

THEIR LIFE

hello pile 01, welcome to your reading. I'm getting a lot of fire energy here, especially leo. I'm hearing Leo in 1st and 10th house, aries in 8th house, aries mars, mars in 10th house and also Venus in 2nd and 3rd house. I'm also getting gemini and capricorn. capricorn mars, aquarius venus. If these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's placements. or perhaps, those are their transits. I feel a lot of confident energy from your person, I think they are at a good place right now. Your person has been betrayed and heartbroken quite recently but I feel like they're not trying to let that get to them. they're keeping their head high, focusing on their goals and working really hard. the pain motivated them to work hard, maybe as a way to get revenge? In their head, they may think that if they work hard, they can show off their success to the person that broke them like "hey, look at me now!". for some others, it's possible that they're working really hard because the work distracts them from the pain and the situation. they're acting like the pain isn't affecting them, I'm seeing them just laughing and hanging out with a group of people (their friends?) acting like theyre not dealing with any problems. your person is definitely at a period of time where work is only on their mind, they're hungry for success. success is the only thing your person is heading towards, it's the only direction they see. love isn't on your person's mind at all so I doubt that you've crossed their mind. but little do they know, the direction that they're heading towards will also lead them to you. your person may have travelled somewhere recently or maybe they're thinking of travelling somewhere else. there is change on the horizon for your person, maybe they will be promoted soon or moving countries, going to university, etc. they are so ambitious. I'm seeing piles of paper on desks, papers stuck on walls with dates and notes on them and also quotes. motivational quotes perhaps. your person is also working out, they could be getting up quite early. 6 am? I'm getting mad mars in 6th house vibes from your person. they're feeling burnt out, they have so much on their plate but they're not stopping anytime soon because they like it and also because they have no choice. they're also taking many responsibilities, I'm hearing house chores, work and looking after their parents or siblings. your person could be a student, a business person or they could work in an office. they're organizing their workspace and keeping track of their schedule, getting ready for the next chapter of their life. laziness is not in your person's vocabulary!

THEIR MESSAGE

you know, I am so busy right now. I'm too exhausted to even think about love, to think about you. I don't think about it anymore unlike before. I know at times you feel like we're nowhere close and you doubt my existence because of how distant I feel and I'm sorry. It is partially true, we're nowhere close to eachother and we're both individual human beings. let's live in the present and experience things and meet new people without having to think about eachother. I don't feel right about thinking of the future and just hoping for something to happen, hoping to just end up with someone like you. It doesn't feel right. I need to do something, I need to take action. that's exactly what I'm doing now. It gives me a sense of stability knowing that I'm taking action and there's a high possibility of my dreams coming true. I've promised myself that I won't stop working until I've achieved everything. I can't do all of this by myself, I need your help too. I'm asking you a favour, do your part. I'm doing mine. work hard and don't slack off. I'm sorry again for sounding cold, I'm not like this on a daily basis. I'm just really tired. I need to get my point across. don't slack off. please. I'll keep saying that. oh, that reminds me. at times I will definitely sound like a teacher or a boss, it's just a habit I got from work. It's not my intention to make you feel stupid, I know you're smart. I wanted you to know that because I don't want you to think I'm generally a cold person. I'm not. when tarot readers or psychics or astrologers or whoever says that I'm cold, they only mean when I'm at work or when I'm busy or serious. I would never be like that to someone I love, especially you. truthfully speaking, you don't know much about me at all especially if you think I'm a cold person. that thought you have of me stops now. I'm guessing that you're curious about me now. I like to look neat and clean, I don't like bright colours, they look unprofessional. I hang out with my friends sometimes and we just have lunch at a café or a local restaurant. I'm on my computer a lot so my back always hurts but I'm doing exercises to help me with it. I have too many cookbooks that I don't use because I don’t have much time, I end up freestyling my food and cooking up some eggs. I need to get better at managing time. I don't like people that don't practice what they preach, it irritates me. now for my appearance. this, in no way is useful information that will help us in any way but I suppose I'll just tell you. I have a sharp nose, it's pointy and a little wide. I don't have any piercings. I don't have bangs. as for my eyes, they're brown and deep-set. my lips? they're just lips. you'll love them anyway so it doesn't matter. my hair? neat and brown. you'll love it too. that's enough. you can stop trying to get to know me now, leave that for when we meet. you can know me more yourself when the time comes, I like the process of getting to know someone and the effort someone puts into getting to know me. until then, keep working hard.

PILE 02

now playing:

pile 02's songs

THEIR LIFE

I’m getting cancer energy from the pile, also pisces and gemini and libra. I’m hearing cancer/pisces/ libra venus, venus in 5th/7th/12th house, pisces moon, mercury in 7th house, cancer in 2nd house, gemini rising. if these aren’t your placements then they’re most likely your person’s, if not then these may be their transits. right now I feel like your person is trying something new, especially a hobby. I’m getting ‘painting’ for some of you. for others, your person has started something new like a project or they moved to a new house, something like that. there’s this feeling of ‘newness’ in your person’s life right now. they have so much passion for whatever this ‘newness’ is. they’re excited for this change, they can’t wait to move to the next stage. I’m feeling a positive energy coming from your person. their creativity is flowing through their blood, they feel inspired and joyous. some of you may not like to hear this but your person may have gotten in a relationship with someone or they want to get into a relationship with someone. they have a crush. I feel like there’s still an important choice to be made and your person has waited such a long time for the next stage, the relationship stage. I feel like their crush or their partner isn’t showing them that much attention, it feels quite one sided (your person giving more), they’re doing so much for their crush/partner but I feel like your person isn’t seeing it right, they’re just so blinded. like a little kid when they have a crush. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, don’t worry, they’re your person for a reason. anyways for others of you, I’m seeing your person listening to music while they’re doing their new hobby. painting is coming really strong, I’m seeing an easel. If it’s not a hobby then your person is feeling in love, whether it be a person or something else. their head is in the clouds, they’re listening to love songs, feeling so inspired by everything around them. love and venus themes is really important in your person’s life right now. If you’ve been listening to love songs recently or if you just feel all lovey-dovey, it’s most likely because of your person, you’re connected to your person. or if you feel inspired out of nowhere, it’s probably because of your person too. I just felt like I had to let you know that. sooner or later though, your person will realise that the relationship is one sided and they will give up on it. this will hit your person really hard, it will be a hard lesson for them. perhaps even the last lesson because I feel like your person has always done too much for people that don’t deserve their love. your person has experienced a lot and learnt many lessons except for this, when they learn this though, they will have learnt all the lessons. they can tick this off their box. I’m getting such wise Pisces vibes from them. for lots of you, your person is already in the 'realisation' stage and there's about to be a change in their life.

THEIR MESSAGE

It’s been challenging these days, maybe even these past few weeks and maybe even months too. It’s fine though, I can get through it. you don’t have to worry about me. I have a gut feeling that something is going to happen soon, disappointments? I’m not surprised, I’ve been so stuck in my own head. I don’t know why I keep giving people more. so stupid of me. maybe it’s not my fault? maybe it’s their fault for giving less, who knows. I don’t know how to stop. why do I do this? I keep getting disappointed over and over again, I’m starting to not have hope anymore. despite this, I still think love is beautiful. with the right person. love is not only limited to romantic love though, which is what I’ve learnt recently. I’ve been so fixated on romantic relationships that I’ve forgotten about the beautiful things around me. surprisingly, there’s love everywhere. do you know what I love? I love the stars, I love flat white coffee, I love the smell of fresh grass, I love nature and the sun, I love dogs (especially small dogs) and I love experiences. experiences that shape me into a better person, painful or not, I love those. not to sound masochistic – but I love pain. I learn from pain. love has always been painful for me but I’m still giving people my all, wrong people to be precise. Is that why I keep falling for people that don’t care about me? because I love getting hurt? now that I’ve thought of it, it sounds terrible. I need to fix that. I feel embarrassed now that you know this, please don’t shake your head. I will fix it. I want this cycle to end. don’t be worried about me. you should continue living your life, there’s yet so much you can experience. places to go, new people to meet, new activities to do. so much. I’d love to experience so many things with you. do you like road trips? I’d love to go on a picnic date too, does stargazing sound good? we could travel around the world, that’s on my bucket list. so many ideas but there’s still so much distance and time between us. I feel excited thinking about it, I want to do so much right now and experience so many things. by the time we meet, I might already have a long white beard because I’ll be so wise *laughs*. who knows, white hair does look awesome. I think it might suit me actually. on a serious note, I want you to know that you should not be afraid to try new things. don't be afraid of change. regret is scarier than change, staying in the same place and not growing is scarier than change. you may lose something good but what if you gain something even better? I’ll be there for you every step of the way, I’m always there for you even though I’m not there with you physically. do you feel me? I’m so proud of you. If you see an opportunity, take it or you’ll regret it later. don’t be afraid of saying no or saying yes, you deserve to be heard, assert your dominance *laughs*. I love you, take care of yourself. you can do it. [:

PILE 03

now playing:

pile 03's songs

THEIR LIFE

I'm getting mutable and fixed energy here, especially scorpio, virgo, leo, sagittarius. maybe scorpio rising and sagittarius rising with pluto in 1st house. I'm hearing saturn in 8th house, saturn in 22°, scorpio sun or moon aspecting saturn, pluto and sun or moon sitting in the same house. if these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's. these could be their transits too. your person is going through a transformation, something had recently happened in their life that has caused this transformation. I'm thinking it's death, a death of a loved one like a family member, a friend or a pet. someone close to them. If it's not a death of a loved one then it's a death of a cycle, a death of a job, a relationship, something like that. something that came to an end. it's affecting your person badly and they feel so much guilt. they're missing and mourning over whatever this is. they're pessimistic, they feel like the whole world is against them and that their would turned upside down. they have no hope anymore, they're not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing that image of Yuu Otasaka from the anime Charlotte. I think your person is exactly like that right now. depressed. I see tissues, dark rooms and hoodies and blankets. also gaming for a number of you (interesting how the picture you chose is a picture of keys). they're going through it right now and they need support. your person is not communicating with many people or interacting with anyone at all, they're pushing people away. looking at the picture of the pile you chose, I realised it says "wish you were here". now this could mean that they wish that the person they lost were still with them or they wish that someone could come and support them or comfort them, or for a few amount of you, this could be meaning you. they wish you were there with them. however, I don't think love is a thought that comes in their mind in this period of time. it's more like, they're screaming into a void wishing someone could hear them, not directly meaning you. for others of you, I'm getting a different situation. your person may have gotten fired or they tried something but it didn't work out and they had so much hope for it. they badly wanted it to work out and now your person is feeling disappointed in themselves, like someone just ripped away something really valuable to them. your person doesn't know that the reason this, whatever this is, didn't work out is because it wasn't meant to. It's not part of their divine plan. It honestly saved your person from future problems but they don't know that. It's a blessing in disguise. I'm strongly feeling it's something related to their job or maybe love, 'right place, wrong time' is what I'm hearing. your person is blaming themselves for it all, thinking it was because of time, lack of planning or they didn't try hard enough. It isn't true, they should be easy on themselves.

THEIR MESSAGE

I don't know what to say. I don't feel like saying much. why do you want to know anyway? do you care? am I interesting? I'm not all that special, you know. here I go again, making sh*t sad. I'll try and make this light-hearted as possible because you shouldn't see this side of me, not so soon. not like this. *silence* I'll start off by saying that you can't control whatever life throws at you. but you can control your reactions and how you deal with it. I'm not doing very well, not dealing with it the way I usually do. It hit me hard and I don't like being sad like this and not doing anything, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to talk to anyone, not finding joy in the things I love doing. I hate this f*cking feeling and the way I'm dealing with it. I heard that you should let yourself feel everything once in a while. I'm f*cking feeling everything alright. why did I not let myself feel before? now it's all consuming me. all of my problems and emotions, this darkness inside of me, erupting. I regret this. I regret acting like I was fine before, finding distractions. now I know that being distracted doesn't necessarily mean that it's gone, the problem is still there. don't do what I did. let yourself feel. or it will all build up and eat you alive. you don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want you to be sad, god no. definitely not like this. but if being sad will help you then that's certainly fine by me, just don't act like you're fine. that will hurt me much more. just do what I say. showing emotions is not a sign of weakness. look at me, I'm so f*cked up because of not thinking that. this feeling will go away, right? right. If you need to let it all out, do it. I can feel your sadness, the nights you cried, I felt them. those tears of yours, I want to wipe them away but I'm not there. it sucks. I need you here. I need a good f*cking hug right now. I want you to be happy but I don't know how. I'd do anything to see that smile of yours. that precious smile that I have yet to see. I know it's precious. listen to me. I need you. I need you to stay strong. you're so strong and much more emotionally intelligent than I am. I am so in awe. your strength gives me energy, you give me energy. you're the light of my life. I hope our kids will be as beautiful and as amazing as you. I'm glad I was given the chance to talk to you like this. I love you, sunshine.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a card tarot #astrology observations #pick a pile tarot #sunballtarot #pac reading #pac tarot #free readings

[mobagehelllocal]

Hello!! Is the alphabet headcanons still open? If so can I request A, F, K, N, S, V for octavinelle? (feel free to ignore this if requests are closed)

A/N: Headcanon request in general is always open Anon~ I have yet to close them~! Hope you enjoy~!

A, F for Floyd has been answered here!

A for Azul has been answered here!

all characters featured are depicted as 18+

warning: explicit content below cut!

Jade Leech

Aftercare

Jade will pamper his lover to the extreme. After a long foreplay (where he’s mostly hands off), and several rounds of sex--he’ll draw shapes into your skin as he quietly rouses you from a brief nap. He’ll bring you to the washroom and clean you up from the mess. 

During the foreplay and sex--he’s an incredible tease, not touching you--and giving you light degradation. However, during the aftercare--nothing but praise will slip past his lips. He’ll tell you all about how well you took him in, and how well you performed that day. Afterwards, he’ll wrap his arms around you, and tangle your legs together for sleep. 

Favourite Position

He likes the cowgirl position actually. He likes shifting positions, and putting you on top--then doing nothing. He wants to see how you’ll take control of the situation. The desperate look on your face as you frantically bounce on his cock is something he relishes in. 

He prefers it if he can see your face--he’s always studying the way your eyes roll back, the way your mouth parts in pleasure, and the flush that rises to your cheeks at your intimate act... That being said, he’d totally fuck you pressed up against anything that reflects--like a mirror, or a window. 

Kink

It should be obvious--but dacryphilia. He’ll tease you until you’re literally crying for him to give you release. He’ll lean down, and gently lick your tears away, before finally letting you take your fall. He’s partial to giving you dirty talk too--there’s just something about the gentleman Jade going from sweet loving whispers to straight up crass language that just hits differently. “My precious little flower... you should see how dirty your expression looks like now... just like a slut.” 

Voyeurism--but specifically, he enjoys watching you try to bring pleasure to yourself. He’ll likely just be watching you with a focused gaze and an enigmatic smile. Sometimes he’ll tell you how you should touch yourself, and he’ll tease you throughout it too.  

*Sharing is caring. Another thing--he’s actually pretty willing to share you with Floyd and Azul, then just watch you three go at it--he thinks it’s fun to watch. Unlike the other two, as long as he sees that you have the slightest bit of attraction to Floyd and Azul--he’d encourage it. After all, it would be incredibly fun and unpredictable. 

NO

Jade is a person who genuinely enjoys unpredictable things--so this was actually difficult to come up with. The most I figure is that he probably does not enjoy watersports. He just finds that generally weird and not attractive whatsoever. 

Stamina

He has an impressive stamina--somewhat like Vil’s. In the sense that he’s good at resisting you, until you’re at your wit’s end. Oftentimes, you’re on his bed, touching yourself while Jade’s sitting cross legged across you--probably peacefully sipping tea as he quietly tells you what you should do. 

Once he does finally strip away his suit, and he joins you on the bed--he can go on for several rounds. You’re normally incredibly overstimulated by the end of it--not only because the foreplay is long, but when it comes down to it--Jade is incredibly intense during the lovemaking process.

Volume

He’s probably among the quieter ones actually. The most sounds you’ll get from him are soft, little sighs as he bottoms out in your core--or in your mouth. He gets a little breathless the more intense your sessions are--you’ll just feel the puff of his breath across your collarbones or on the nook of your neck. 

Other than that--he talks dirty most of the time. He likes to order you around. Sometimes when he’s really up to teasing you, he’ll whisper directly into your ear how he wants you to touch yourself. 

Floyd Leech

Kink

Creampie. It’s less of the idea of breeding really, but more of seeing his seed slip out of your heat--that just turns him on, so he’ll always ask you (because Jade told him it was polite to always!! ask) if it’s safe to come inside. 

Intercrural sex. He has quite the fixation with your thighs--he loves how soft they are--so if it’s not safe for him to come inside, then he’ll likely transition to intercrural. He likes the feel of your soft thighs pressing against his cock. He’s also pretty interested with rubbing his cock in between your ass cheeks. If his lover is a woman, then he’ll use her breasts too. 

*Sharing is caring. This primarily depends on how the relationship started out! If you were really just pursuing Floyd--then he’s likely going to be reluctant to share. However, if you were actively going for the whole trio, then he’ll just naturally think that you belong to all three of them. 

NO

He doesn’t enjoy being tied up too tightly, or hand cuffs he can’t get out of. If it’s something you like, he’s fine with trying them out--under clear conditions that he’s able to get out of it himself and flip the situation around if he wants to. 

Stamina

He has insane stamina, and you’re likely to be super overstimulated afterwards. Unlike Jade who paces himself, and would let you breathe--Floyd is relentless. After you finish one orgasm, he’ll let your heat warm his cock for a bit before he’ll keep moving again. 

You’re always an absolute weak mess afterwards--you’re almost always certain never able to walk the next day, and Floyd gloatingly carries you to any of your schedules for the next day. 

Volume

Floyd is loud and unapologetic about it when the two of you have sex. He makes particularly gruff sounds and he almost--instinctively praises you in some way. 

“Nngh... Shrimpy feels so good” or “Shrimpy makes the cutest sounds when I do this--” comes slipping out of his mouth endlessly. Fearlessly. He doesn’t care who hears--in fact, he’s all for them listening. ‘Let them all know that Shrimpy is mine.’ is his sincere thoughts on the subject. 

Azul Ashengrotto

Favourite Position

He loves positions that keep your skins flushed close together--so something like missionary, face-off, or even just being completely draped over you--is very attractive to him. It makes his head spin, and makes him feel he’s dreaming up the whole thing. The feel of your skin against his remind him that you’re very real, and he can share this life with you.

He’s a little embarrassed about it, but there’s something so inherently erotic about the 69 position. He enjoys that the two of you are basically pleasuring each other through it! And yes, Azul would totally let you sit on his face. 

Kink

Praise kink. See, the moment you want to be in control of your steamy session with Azul, just start peppering kisses on the curve of his jaw, down his throat--and whisper-- “You’ve worked so hard Azul. You did such a good job. You deserve a reward.” and Azul will immediately go still, his hands trembling, and his face flushing red as you slowly push him down. Tell him of his beauty--and he’ll become soft in your hands. Do it, he absolutely deserves it. 

Laced lingerie that he bought. Yeah, like--he specifically picked it out for you and made you wear them--he loves to see you model out the lingerie he buys for you. He gets especially flushed when he sees you casually waiting for him on his bed, dressed in one of his dress shirts and the laced lingerie. He loves the lace so much, that more often than not--he’d fuck you while you’re still wearing it--but he’s careful enough not to actually damage the it though! (”It’s expensive!”) 

*Sharing is caring. Same thing with Floyd--if you were specifically pursuing Azul, then likely chance he would be reluctant to share you with the twins. However, if you are actively going for the whole trio--then he’d be more willing to share--it will come to him as naturally as breathing.

NO

You can tease him as much as you want--even to the point where his eyes are beginning to water, no problem. But for the Witch’s sake, do not even think of trying to degrade him. It’s not going to be sexy, or hot for him--it’s going to be an absolute turn off, and he’ll just be tossed back into his terrible childhood. 

Stamina

He doesn’t last as long as he’d like--he can go with foreplay to the main session and afterwards it may take awhile before he’s ready for another round. 

Most of the time, he’ll end up initiating aftercare after one of your sessions. It can lead to slow, tender sex in the bathroom--but most of time you just end up cuddling together and talking about your day instead. 

Volume

When he’s the one on top, he mostly just gasps, or goes a little breathless with each thrust he makes. He will whisper to you how great you feel, and how happy he is that he could have you like this, He might be tearing up, so go kiss those tears away! 

He’s not the loudest, but he does make the cutest, desperate little sounds from the back of his throat when you suck him off or when your clenching your heat around his pretty cock. You reduce him to an incomprehensible mess, and he’s a shuddering mess underneath you. 

#twst headcanons #ai spicy alphabet #jade spicy alphabet #floyd spicy alphabet #azul spicy alphabet #aiwrites #aiheadcanons #aithirsts #ai simps over jade #ai simps over floyd #ai simps over azul #ai simps over octavinelle

[lilyrachelcassidy]

Summer Nights (2)

A/N: Is that... is that...? The unbridled enthusiasm I’m hearing? Or are you trying to reach me with torches and pitchforks for being so untrustworthy? Assuming the first option.

Anyway -- Yes, as I promised, this is the second part of the Summer Nights which you would hopefully enjoy. Waiting for your feedback. It’s the INDEX if you need a refresher.

ALSO, I give a lot of credit to @drawlfoy and @bored-and-botheredwho helped me with editing this chapter and steamed off my emotional breakdown related to my writing (lmao). I love you so much gals and a big THANK U once more!!!

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: coarse language; alcohol; Narcissa turning into a shitty-mother (lol)

Tags: @war-sword @paradigmax @winnsmills @idkatee@bforbroadway @okaydraco

The next thing Draco knew, he was being woken up with a massive hangover in the snuggly, way-too-comfortable bed by the high-pitched squeal of his mother.

"You, darling, made a lot of trouble for yourself yesterday," Narcissa admonished her son, a glacial cool look on her face. Entering Draco's hotel apartment, she walked over to the window and opened the drapes with one swift movement, splashing an annoyed Draco with light. He groaned, not yet daring to complain due to his mother's livid mood, to say the least.

"You have no idea of what happened yesterday, do you?"

"Yyy-" was the only sound he could make. God, where to the fuck was he? He hadn't been this plastered in forever.

"Of course you don't." Narcissa shook her head and laughed nervously, although she made it plainly obvious there was nothing humorous about the situation. "You blacked out so hard in that sleazy bar there is no way you can recall anything from yesterday. Look at you -- you are squinting at me like I'm the sun!"

Draco nervously ran his finders through his disheveled hair. He was definitely not in the right mind to provoke the conflict. "I left you the note at the reception," he informed her, trying to slickly get out of the unenviable conversation. "Told the receptionist to hand it over."

Contrary to his mother's accusatory ascertainment, he actually had some glimpses of the previous night (or should he say an all-night rave?). There were for sure drinks -- a lot of drinks; a variety of kinds he didn't recognize from the magical world but still guzzled delightfully. The second recollection was dancing --which wasn't his intention, but with some luck of his -- got invited by some hot-looking chicks from across the table. And yes, he definitely remembers the swaying and the rhythmical moving of the hips along with some cheesy muggle vibes mixed with the smell of booze and weed. Maybe he even hooked up with one of the girls? The last thing he recollects before passing out, almost like through a haze, was seeing Narcissa's furious face screaming something incoherent at him. Overall, that's his all night wrapped in one.

"Do you think the mere note 'I will be fine' was going to calm down my shattered nerves? Draco Lucius Malfoy, I swear to our dear ancestors, I did not raise you to act so irresponsibly." She waved the finger at him warningly. “We come from rich history. You are the descendant from a line of successful forefathers who put their effort into building up our reputation. Do you think Lucius would approve of such unrestrained behavior? I’ve been already hearing of letting you be too careless. Is tha-"

"Mother, could we skip the lecture?" Draco snapped angrily, try as he might to suppress it. "I've heard it too many times. All I’m trying to have is a peaceful life. Without the prying eyes of the media and the meddling of my family..."

"And all I’m trying to have is an integrated, happy family to offer you support and love.” Draco opened his mouth to cut her in, but she shushed him with a wave, clearly suggesting 'Don’t even get me started’ meaning. “I’ve been- been trying  to get a job, going through the infelicitous job interviews and looking for a solution to help our household through the post-war crisis. Have you shown any interest in that? Any?"

"But mo-"

"The last thing I want to have on my mind is dealing with your ignorant, boyish transitional stages, and let me tell you -- you do not make it any easier for me," she said without taking a breath. She exhaled slowly and continued, this time forcing a softer tone. "I ask you one thing for this summer. Let it be an enjoyable time without unnecessary conflicts. We have come to the beautiful country as France. Let's make a good thing out of it."

Draco, who was already wide awake by the buzz of adrenaline, looked at her with a serious expression. Scanning her face made him suddenly realize how hard must it have been for her to bear everything, and seeing the bags of tiredness under her beautiful, hazel eyes stopped him from retorting. "Mother, no matter what happens, I'll always support you. Remember that."

Narcissa smiled. “Oh. I know, honey, I know.” This time she lowered her voice by two octaves, slowly sitting at the edge of the bed. “It’s just… people have been gossiping behind our backs lately, partly throwing the blame at us. All I’m trying to do is protect us from those tormentors. But your binge drinking is not making the deadlock any better, and it drives me mad.” She chortled a little bit and patted Draco’s palm. “So, until the rumors die down, all we can do is raise our chins high.” Narcissa ended, her voice encouraging yet plaintive.

The last thing Draco liked is seeing his mother on the verge of emotional exhaustion, like in this moment. He felt an instant surge of sympathy, so he quickly found himself locking Narcissa in the supportive embrace. She responded to the gesture by wrapping her arms around her son’s neck and stroking his cheek delicately with the back of her hand, just like in the old times. Both of them yearningly wished to come back to those years of frivolity.

"I promise I'll try to be better," Draco said with certainty. Seeing Narcissa’s eyes light up in gratefulness and the smiley dimples form on her features, he assured himself it was the right thing to say at that mother-son moment.

“How could I be so lucky to have such a wise boy,” she muttered proudly, kissing Draco at the top of his head. “But perhaps you should not restrain yourself too much during the holiday. I give you the partial alibi per se. Just keep it under control.”

Smiling, Narcissa got up, straightening up her impeccable posture as in the habit of the high-status woman. For the first time in that day, Draco noticed how elegantly she was dressed up: the black, partly lacy dress stopping at the level of her knees; the shiny-white pearl jewelry perfectly matching her entire outfit; dark yet not defiant high-heels; andhair fixed up in the tight bun. In Draco’s opinion, she looked too prim...even for herself.

"Mother, are you heading somewhere?" he asked curiously.

“Well…” she started, blushing. “I’m going to see my old friend in the coffee shop. I haven’t been there for ages, so it’s one of the chances to meet up with them. Hopefully, you are going to take care of yourself for a few days.” 

"Days?" he asked, shocked.

“You didn’t expect me to travel from town to town, did you?” she laughed lightly. “Bordeaux is quite a route to overcome. So I might be settling there for a few nights. Do you mind it, darling?”

Was he positive about the information? Did he mind? Partly yes. He didn’t imagine the prospect of wandering around the alleys of France on his own, especially on the first day of being there. But from the other side, seeing the joy painted on his mother’s face as she told him about the planned get-together made him feel less skeptical. Plus, getting rid of the extreme supervision for a few days wouldn’t be such a disaster as well.

As he calculated now, the ratio about the idea was 90% pro and 10% against.

"Of course not," he said simply, smiling at his mother.

"I knew you would understand." The crease of uncertainty on her forehead disappeared, and she let out a sigh of relief. "Meanwhile... I have already booked you the brunch downstairs but seeing as you are not in the wholesome state, I might order a delive-"

"Don't..." Draco opposed, rising from the bed and throwing the nearest shirt he could find over his head. "I'll come down. Some fresh air may be a cure for a hangover. Oh, and speaking of hangovers -- do you happen to have an anti-hangover potion?"

Narcissa let out a quiet chuckle and clapped her hands, seemingly satisfied with herself. Her tranquil gaze landed on the cupboard. "As a matter of self-preservation, yes, I do. Try searching inside the bedside cabinet."

He thanked her and then they talked with each other a little bit longer until Narcissa took the pocket watch out of her handy purse, noted the time ("Merlin's Beard, I am so tardy! I'm going to be alone on the platform if I stay here a minute longer!), and –a little startled with her inadvertency – hurriedly declared she should get going ("I really should get going Draco!”). Pecking her son twice on the cheeks as a farewell, she rushed towards the door and, for the last time, turned around to blow a brief motherly goodbye kiss. She left in such a hurry that the only sign indicating her presence in the room a few seconds ago was her familiar perfume lingering about in the air.

Draco gathered his clothes, and after half an hour of very difficult preparations while dealing with the consequences of yesterday's actions -- because the potion finally hits after two to three hours -- he found himself in front of the hotel's restaurant. As he walked in, he had to admit the room enchanted him with its lovely atmosphere, which brought back the memories of his first Hogwart's magical feast as an eleven-year-old boy.

With the large windows allowing plenty of light in, the entire space was in the classical style. The whole floor was clad with marble tiles in the white-like color; the walls were purely white and, apparently, someone must have put a lot of effort not to let a single dust spot appear in there; the ceiling was created in the concept of the sky resemblance making an impression of the real clouds hovering over heads. Three enormous chandeliers made a very good fit with carved wooden tables and similarly-looking chairs.

"Sir, would you like to make an order?" The decently looking waitress walked over to his table, with a white apron around her waist and green, deep eyes staring at him. "I'm Laura, by the way. I'll be serving you today."

He nodded, not really paying much attention to her primitive attempts of having a chit-chat. Cursorily glancing at the menu, he decided on having a french bagel with melted cheese and a coffee which was a specialty of the house as was written in the recommendations. The waitress scribbled something sloppily in her notes, smiled briefly, and then strode away.

The restaurant was almost fully emptied, and the only things heard in the background were a heated discussion of the couple beside the table and a composition of french, old songs prepared specifically for the guests.

Draco let out a small sigh of boredom, thinking yet again about the scenery of today. The only ideas that crossed his mind were either lounging in his stuffy hotel room or finding another hang-out spot to drown his sorrows.

After the War, he had found out it was pretty easier not to give in to any of the memories, blurring them out with the support of Scotch as a coping mechanism. Pansy and Daphne, his childhood friends, had tried to talk him out of it, kindly offering some tenderness and a chance for a conversation. But he had eventually stopped caring about any of that bullshit anymore.

That's why perhaps he'd just--

"Hi!" said a cheerful voice behind him, making him jump slightly at his seat with surprise. At first, he thought it was a mistake; that he must have been deemed as someone else considering he didn't know anyone around, so was in the opposite way. Turning around, however, made him realize it wasn't entirely the truth. "Do you remember me?"

"Hello." Of course, he remembered her. It was the receptionist from the previous day, whose name he didn't bother to memorize. Although he planned on avoiding potential candidates for a talk today, he said truthfully, "Yes, I do. You work here, right?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, smiling. "Can I join?"

For a moment, his sluggish brain did not process what she was asking about, and that made him frown. The girl probably comprehended what it was about because she explained, reading his confused expression. "...the table".

"Oh," he said, feeling more than embarrassed for his dumb reaction. "Yeah, help yourself."

"Thanks," she mumbled, pulling out the chair to make some room for herself. "Tough night, huh?"

The inquiry made him suddenly realize she must have witnessed the whole scene yesterday -- him asking her for a favor, Narcissa drilling her out for any clues about his disappearance, his arrogant attitude, and scurrility as he spoke to her. For sure, if she were smart enough, she would deduce what the situation was about.

He couldn't help it, but a wave of shame pierced through his body, and his stomach rolled slightly.

"A little," he answered minimizing a dimension of the spree, almost like a lie, and then he shook his head. "Listen, sorry about yesterday. I might have been...rude."

A small smile of courtesy formed on her lips. "I presumed you were a little off. Happens..." she said tentatively, gripping both of her hands together. "Oh, and about yesterday -- you lost this at the lobby." She took his wand out, and Draco's stomach made a second roll, the heartbeat hastening like a speed of light. He quickly tried to bring his face to the natural expression, but the girl had noticed that, and curiosity filled her eyes. "I thought I should give that back. In case it was valuable or something."

Fucking great... How was he supposed to elucidate that?

His throat felt so dry he couldn't let out a word of excuse. The moment was so mortifying to him he just reached for the familiar wand and nodded politely in gratefulness.

"Mhm..." Draco hummed, barely audible and momentarily deflated. "It's just... Something I've been training with..."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, dolt?!

"Oh," the girl unconsciously flipped her hair off the shoulders, probably trying to make sense of the information. Furrowing her brows, she put her hand under the chin. "Are you a magician?"

"Kind of..." he agreed, not happy about the reputation he had just created for himself, but at the same time satisfied he didn't have to make up more explanations.

Luckily for Draco, the uncomfortable pause was rescued by the arrival of the food -- thank Merlin -- and even though he hadn't been hungry at all, now he felt an unexpected appetite to eat up the awkwardness. The girl probably caught a hint it was about time to end an encounter because she grunted.

"Listen," the girl started, clearing her throat yet again. "I better get going. But..."

The next thing Draco knew was that she was reaching to her pocket again, this time taking out something similar to a quill, only without ink. He assumed it must some kind of muggle invention, only a mechanical-like version. The girl uncorked it and suggestively drew out her hand, clearly signifying he should bring his hand closer as well. He obediently did.

"France is a big city," she said, glancing at him and sounding serious. "If you ever needed someone to show you around, let me know."

Without any preamble, her soft, delicate fingers grasped his forearm (he made sure to give her the right one), and with a few scrawls on his skin, she looked at him merrily, blushing slightly, and then left a table.

He stared after her for a while, looking at her curls bouncing behind her back as she walked away at a slow, monotonic pace. After a few seconds, she disappeared out of his sight, letting him finally peek at the note she had left:

'Call me, Y/N,' and a nine-digit number attached.

XOXOXO

A/N: I know this part might have contained too little Draco x Reader momento, but I promise it’ll get better as a plot develops. Also -- is it only my impression, or is Narcissa as changeable as the weather in Germany lol.

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x you #draco malfoy x female reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fanfic #summer nights #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco Malfoy x oc #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #draco Malfoy x you #Harry potter imagine #draco Malfoy fanfic #hp #draco malfoy x muggle #my writing #draco x oc #draco

[letsdiscoverkitty]

"Life" Update - May 2021

This is the last of the three updates I have to post at the moment. If anyone actually reads these, especially in one go, you really do deserve a medal and I have no idea what I have done to deserve your kindness and support but THANK YOU SO MUCH (to all of you who are here, you are all truly wonderful and amazing) Okay, let's get going....

I suppose the title is a bit, well, overkill. To say that anyone has been had any sort of "life" over the past year would be a huge misuse of the word. The global pandemic has, quite literally, turned life upside down for the vast majority of people and I know that lockdowns, especially in the UK, have meant that anything other than what was deemed "essential" has been off the cards, which has hit us all hard.

I personally found it quite difficult whilst I was in hospital as although on the one hand it was good to know that there wasn't much that you were missing out on whilst locked on a ward with 15 minutes fresh air (if you were lucky), it did make it hard to find/hold onto motivation at times. Coupled with the fear of how my dad's condition would progress, whether he would make it and what sort of home life I would be going back to; the world suddenly felt even noisier than it had before (which I didn't think was really possible). The situation seemed to further heighten my fears as well as add to them. I found my mind was swamped with so many questions and fears, to then be asked about my future/what I wanted to do with my life (that classic question) and what my motivations were to get better, was too much. I fell blank.

I had completely lost myself and any shed of hope that was left inside of me. I tried to put on a smile; paint a different picture to the outside world but inside I was dark. I was hollow. I was empty.

What was the point? You never know what is waiting around the corner; everything can turn upside down overnight. What kind of 'life' would there be going back to anyway? Would it be possible to go to University anymore or would there still be multiple restrictions in place? would that make the huge financial costs worth it? What sort of society will we be coming out of the pandemic anyway? Will we even come out of this? Will people ever go back to offices again? Will we be able to see friends soon or go out to places? What about travelling? Fun? LIFE?

I found depression swamped me more than ever after dad's accident. I was trying to hold myself together for mum but I was losing all hope of anything ever being 'the same' or 'okay' again. In the end, the only reason I accepted the admission was for mum - I wanted to be able to support her with dad in hospital and us not know what the future held; as much as I wished I could be there all the time, I knew in the state I was that I couldn't. Initially I was told the admission would be a short one, that I could then go back home to support my mum through the family trauma...but that 4 weeks soon turned into over 8 months, which I still can't believe.

Gosh, I am sorry, I seem to have got a little distracted. This was meant to be the POSITIVE update. So let's get to those bits...

NEWS ONE: I HAVE A JOB (starting in Sept)

So whilst in hospital my consultant kept trying to get me to think about what I wanted to do with my life (just the small questions you know *lol*) - in her eyes she thought it would be risky to go back to University to do neuroscience/a degree so intense, and that instead I should think about doing something more creative, taking small steps to get a part time job and then go from there - which, as much as I hated to admit, I agreed with. However after one particularly bad run-in with the nutritionist when she decided to tell me that she didn't think I could achieve a life beyond Anorexia (it must have been mid-way-ish through my admission) blah blah blah (I get that she could have been trying to motivate me but there is a way to go about it and then there are ways to really not go about it and she chose the latter). Anyway, I was rather angry/mad and ended up doing basically trying to prove everyone wrong and started doing some research into my different options...

Long story short: I ended up applying to a degree apprenticeship scheme in business management...I've never really considered something like this before, perhaps partially because at school they drilled into me that business was a "soft" subject as it would not be looked upon very highly for Oxbridge applications *rolls eyes*. Thankfully I did a lot of research into Degree Apprenticeships a few years ago so I knew where to look online. Anyway, back to this application. I ended up going through the process/tests, somehow managing to make it through the initial online stages, then just before I was discharged I was invited to a online interview!

I only had a few days to do the interview before it timed out so I actually ended up doing it In the end the day after I was discharged (not ideal) and I was convinced that I had messed it up as it was one of those ones where you get shown the question for around 30 seconds before being given 2 minutes to respond - i.e. stress.pressure.anxiety.stumbling over words. HORRENDOUS.

I somehow passed the interview and the reviews before being invited to an online assessment centre in Feb, which spanned a whole day and included multiple interviews (the first was a strengths based interview with 2 interviewers for just over an hour - yuck!!!) as well as a presentation which we were given 24hrs in advance to prepare for (we were given 4 'topics'/questions and had to answer all of them in a 15 minute window using aids if we chose to, again to 2 (different) interviewers before having a 45 minute further interview - double yuck!)

Dare I say that I actually enjoyed the preparation for the presentation and the interviews?! It was so nice to have a focus and something to be working on that I was actually really beginning to connect with/want/see myself doing. The interviews and presentation themselves? HORRIBLE but the process reignited something within me. After the assessment centre day we were told it could be 7-10 working days to hear back from them - waiting for anything like this is just the worst so I wasn't looking forward to it and tried not to get my hopes up as these schemes are ridiculously hard to get into... Well, I got the call the next day saying that they were so impressed and out of something like 14,000 applications, I was offered one of the spaces on the scheme!! - I honestly still can't believe it and imposter syndrome is v real -

I know at the beginning of this I sounded very blase about the whole thing but as I progressed through the process, as I read more about the scheme and the business and what it would entail, the more I began to get excited. The more I realised how interesting it was and what an amazing opportunity it would be for me.

Despite this, I was also at the time, finishing up yet another an application to University (for the millionth time, I swear I must be a pro at these personal statements by now) this time for psychology and behavioural studies. This was before I got the offer of the degree apprenticeship scheme, which I knew was a long shot with only a handful of places given for thousands of applicants, so I felt I had to keep my options open (Neuro is still an area of fascination to me but not so much with the INTENSE LEVEL of physiology and pharmacology that I was doing at Bristol. Yes bits of it were good and interesting but that degree was ridiculous and, again, I felt far more drawn towards the behavioural studies and psychology when researching into Universities). I ended up getting 3 offers, 1 interview for Cambridge and 1 rejection (ironically from Bristol, even with my recommendation/support being from my previous personal tutor at Bristol!) - so I suddenly had options. And then the offer from the degree apprenticeship came through and there were even more options to choose from.

It honestly felt so surreal (and still does).

In the end, after a lot of thinking and debating and researching and talking, I decided to withdraw my University application and I accepted the degree apprenticeship role. Overall it is such an incredible opportunity that I knew I couldn't turn down, whereas University will always be there. I am actually getting a little excited about it (as well as extremely nervous, but I must say that the company has made a really positive/good impression thus far, even as far as creating MH podcasts with a psychologist for us and offering things like zoom baking sessions!).

So what is this degree apprenticeship? In short, it is a 3 year course during which I will have a Monday to Friday job at the company (for which the office is actually commutable from home - it is about 1hrs drive, which is not the best but it does mean that I can stay at home for at least the first year and there is a train I could get if I was too tired to do the drive all the time. As much as staying at home is not my long term plan it might help with the transition back to work/education to have a bit of stability and the support). During the first 2 years at the company we do four separate 6 month rotations in different areas to get lots of experience (marketing, supply chain, sales etc) whilst in the final year you get to put in a preference for where you would like to work for the year long placement. During this, every 6 or 7 weeks, we have to spend a week at University (which is not in commutable distance at all so the the company pays for our accommodation, travel and food during this time). As far as I have been told, we also get time during the working week allocated to do Uni work as well as our standard 'desk' jobs. Oh and not to mention one of the biggest sellers for degree apprenticeships....the company is basically sponsoring you so pays ALL of your tuition fees PLUS a basic salary! This means that you come out, in this case, with a Chartered business management degree, 3 years of hands-on work experience, as well as you being pretty much guaranteed a job within the company AND no student debt!!! How incredible is that? PLUS one big perk of the job is that they allow dogs in the office - I mean how could I say no to that?!!!!

So yes, by some magical miracle I actually have a job lined up for September! It still doesn't feel real and I am yet to fully process it. They don't know how it will be affected by COVID but the company did continue the programme last year (unlike some that postponed) so fingers crossed all should be going ahead. I have 'met' the other 4(?) who are on the scheme at my office as well and they seem lovely (including one other person who is my age/slightly older - which was such a relief as I was worried about it being only people just out of college).

I realise that it is going to be tough, I do not underestimate that at all, but I couldn't let anorexia still yet ANOTHER life milestone and opportunity away from me. There was a lot of questioning as to whether I should take it or not; I went back and forth between many spreadsheets that I made but I think this opportunity far outweighs going back to University. I have tried that route twice already and had to leave because of everything/haven't really coped (I think in some ways, being at Uni there is TOO MUCH free time and it allowed my perfectionism to run riot as I always felt like I was 'behind' in one way or another?). And that is not to mention that if I was going back to University, I would need to spend another 3-4 years studying, I would leave with little work experience or job in mind at the age of 29/30 with a mountain of debt.... And as I said before, I can always go back to University if I want to in the future/re train if I decide to, but this opportunity with a global company, well, this will never ever come my way again.

So yes that is my BIG BIG news. But I also have one more bit of news....

I'm getting a kitten. Yes, A KITTEN!!!!! I have so much more to say on this but for now you will have to wait and see. Photos will come when SHE does (a couple of weeks now)!!!

#personal #update #long #sorry I am no good at writing short posts anymore #well I never was #but this is my big news #TWO BITS OF BIG NEWS #ive still been baking and crocheting #and have taken up some gardening #and just generally trying to muddle through each day to be honest with you

[valentineish]

Anyways. Identity.

I think some people, at least, still know that I detransitioned. My 18th birthday was a pretty monumental period in my life, and I originally came out as a dude.

A lot of transitioning felt really, really good. There was a lot about just existing that, inconceivably, felt energizing and calming for the first time. I had already flirted with presenting as a boy before, but normally under psuedonyms or through original characters. Having that attached to me was just... life changing.

There was a lot that didn't work, though. It's so hard to describe, but there was deep loss and longing I felt when reflecting on relationships with girls as a "girl" (or at least, when I was still seen as one). Some part of me realized my intentions weren't purely for identity. It became apparent when things about manhood started chafe in ways womanhood did not, especially after starting HRT.

Eventually, I realized escapism from trauma was partially at play. And while I would like to say that was entirely from introspection... things are rarely so simple. Pressures of transphobia from the unsupportive & well-intentioned binarism from the supportive were just. Overwhelming.

Even though I retreated back into the closet, it was months until I was already dancing the line between "gender non-conforming woman" and "nonbinary" for years. Quietly stomaching mockery for trying to transition in the first place, and talking around that past for those not in the know. Only recognizing in private that core neither binary seemed truly express. All the while, I've been deconstructing my own internalized homophobia, misogyny, and trauma.

I say all of this because the past year has made it abundantly, painfully clear that my tether to womanhood is almost exclusively through my capacity of love for women. Hitting the decade anniversary of my first time coming out just gave me a clear marker between me now vs. then. How disconnected I feel from myself, unknown by others, and the empty masquerade of an existence I've been performing.

I know what I want to do, or at least explore. I don't know that I can right now. There's going to be a lot of hard conversations.

For now: just call me Ash. Only they, never she.

#open mic night #this is partially a trial run i guess. idk i just... need to say this publicly somewhere even if this blog is unknown to most people i know #for the one maybe three (depending on if you two decidied to do some sleuthing) that do know me: yeah this is fine to ask about #and i'll try to actually have a talk with you myself about it sooner rather than later #i've just been drafting parts of this for months and. idk. it clicked.

[plus-size-reader]

Sixteen

Young!Derek Hale x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1618 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Stiles has to find somewhere to keep young!Derek until they can find out what exactly happened to him and there is only one place in the world that he can think of. 

———————————————————————————————————

Stiles was at a loss.

He had a sixteen year old Derek in the passenger seat of his jeep and he had to find somewhere to take him.

As of right now, they had no idea how to fix him and the last thing they needed was for Derek to be running loose all over Beacon hills.

...And so far Stiles only had one idea.

He had to take Derek somewhere he would want to stay, with someone he was comfortable with. The only problem was that most of the people that Derek knew when he was sixteen were dead now. There were very few people that he was close with at that time, but then it hit him. There was one person that he had always been close to, that was not only in Beacon hills, but would be more than happy to help with the current predicament.  

“Hold tight, I know just where to go” he allowed, focusing his eyes on the road for the only destination he knew he would be welcome this late at night.

You had been Stiles’ favorite teacher since he was a freshman in high school. Which was shocking, mostly because you taught English which was one of his least favorite classes. Still, once he learned the truth, it all made much more sense.

When Scott became part of the hidden supernatural community of Beacon hills, you were one of the first people to come forward to help him. Other than Derek, you were one of the only mentors that Scott actually had.

And there was a reason for that.

You were human, yes. However, you’d been there through Derek’s entire transition, allowed to partake because Talia knew something that you didn’t. Not only were you Derek’s best friend, but you were also his anchor. Her son had no hope of learning control without your help, so she allowed you to become part of their world.

You helped Derek keep his composure and in exchange, the entire Hale pack kept you alive. There wasn’t a threat in the world that could have touched you, you were completely protected. Peter often joked that you were more well guarded than a priceless gem.

...And he wasn’t wrong.

Derek would have killed anything to protect you. He would have done anything to protect you, no exceptions. That bond, built nearly from your birth, grew with you.

Which was the exact reason that you were Stiles’ only option right now.

No one else would know what to do, and at the very least, Derek was guaranteed to stay calm in your presence, even with you being much older than the last time he remembered seeing you.

~

The knock on your door didn’t startle you all that much, though you were fully prepared for an ambush at all times. The Hale family had quite a few enemies and you weren’t an idiot, though you thought that if someone was going to hurt you, they wouldn’t use the doorbell.

More than anything, you were just hoping for some news on Derek.

He had been missing for days, and while you knew that Scott and the pack were on the case, you couldn’t help but worry.

“Ms.Y/L/N? It’s Stiles” a voice called through the door, letting you know that you were, absolutely, not under any kind of attack. Instead, there was a teenager on your doorstep and knowing Stiles, it could be anything.

You let out an unintentional sigh of relief when you opened the door, desperately hoping that Stiles had some news about where Derek was.

“Hi Stiles, what’s up?” you wondered, tightening your robe around your top, though you were completely dressed. You didn’t have to worry about him seeing anything, you just didn’t particularly like your students to see you in your pjs.

Though, at this point, Stiles was a bit closer to you than a typical student.

He just smiled at first, not sure how to break the ice into what he was about to tell you.

“Any news on Derek?” you hummed desperately, your nerves had been fried since he first went missing.

You just wanted him to come home.

At that, Stiles’ smile widened to a more nervous, awkward sort of look as he gestured out to the car. You could hardly make out what he was trying to tell you but even this far away, you knew that whoever was in the car, it wasn’t Derek.

Not your Derek anyway.

“What is that?” you wondered, squinting your eyes to try to confirm or deny what you thought you were seeing.

You recognized the kid sitting in the passenger seat, but it wasn’t possible.

“We found Derek” Stiles allowed, shrugging as if that was somehow enough information for you to just put the pieces together yourself. He should have known better, honestly. Even in class, you would never let Stiles get away with things like that.

In all honesty, you just couldn’t believe what he was insinuating.

Of all the things you’d seen in your life, this had to be the craziest.

“You’re trying to tell me that’s Derek?” you clarified, unsure what the pack had been up to as of late. You really had to stop letting these kids go places on their own. Stiles only nodded, hoping that you’d be able to help him.

You were honestly his only hope at this point.

All you could do was sigh, taking a deep breathe. “Go get him” you suggested, heading inside to go start boiling water. This was going to be a long night and there was no way you were going to entertain a couple of teenage boys without some cinnamon hot cocoa.

It had always been Derek’s favorite, and you were going to need someone to tell you what was going on...in more detail than Stiles gave you in the first place.

You were going to go insane.

Derek had been cute when you were an actual teenager but taking care of him at sixteen as a grown woman wasn’t going to be as cute. You just wanted to cuddle with your Derek, the grown Derek with a beard, and abs, and a necklace with your name on it around his neck.

Being in sixteen year old Derek’s vicinity under these circumstances just made you uncomfortable.

...But knowing that he was still Derek made it a little easier.

You could only imagine how scared and confused he was right now. If you could make it even a little better, you were going to do it.

Besides, no one knew Derek better at that age so maybe it would be easy to bond with him. You just hoped that it was like riding a bike, that you never forgot how to do it.

Your Derek was different now, than he was at sixteen after all.

However, as soon as Stiles came into the kitchen with Derek on his heels, all those nerves melted away. The love that you felt for him then and now was still there, it had just taken a more protective turn as of right now.  

"Oh my god, you're so tiny" you gasped, reaching out to take his face in your hands. It had been so long since you'd seen him like this and you couldn't help it...

He was just so cute.

Derek looked bothered at first until he realized just who you were.

You were much more grown up than he remembered but there was no mistaking it. You were the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. That was never, ever going to change.

"Y/N?" he asked, his words only slightly affected by the smooshing of his face. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, you were so grown up.

All you could do was smile at first, just taking in the moment. It was hard to believe that this was happening.

-But you knew that it was.

You were physically holding him in your hands, smooshing his handsome little face between your fingers. It was the same face you'd held a million times before but it was different at the same time.

He was so little, so young.

"How did he get like this?" you demanded, turning your attention to Stiles though you didn't remove your hands from Derek's face.

Somebody was going to have to start talking real quick because there was nothing in Beacon hills that could do this...at least as far as you knew. Stiles faltered slightly, having your attention turned to him.

This was, partially, his fault after all.

He didn't exactly want to face you all alone. You could be scary when you were angry, and Stiles had always been more wary of you temper than anyone elses, including Derek.

Especially right now.

"Um, we think that Kate did something  in Mexico" he allowed, bracing himself for a scolding.

A scolding that would never come.

Instead, when he opened his eyes-he found a shocked look on your face. You thought that Kate Argent was dead. At least, as far as you knew.

You had seen Peter kill her, you had seen them lower her casket into the ground. There was no way that she could have done this.

Though, when you actually thought about it, it sort of made sense. Kate had always had a thing for Derek, and on top of that, she was a tad bit crazy. If anyone had motive to make Derek sixteen again, it was her.

"Did you just say Mexico?" you wondered, only catching it after the shock of hearing about Kate's resurrection.

With a nod of his head, you made your final decision...the pack was never going anywhere alone again.

#derek hale #derek hale x plus size reader #derek hale x ps reader #derek hale x reader #teen wolf #teen wolf x ps reader #teen wolf x plus size reader #tw #tw x ps reader #tw x reader #tw x plus size reader

[srhlsx]

CHAPTER 20

master | ch. 19 | ch. 21

That morning, you were nervous. You had made a point to go to school early to fit in some solo practice since you knew group practice would be grueling this afternoon. You tried to convince yourself that you weren’t going to school early to avoid interacting with Iwaizumi on the walk to school, in the hallways, or at your locker. That’d be silly. But...

You hadn’t gotten over what you had confessed to him. You had decided for once in your life you were not going to hold back your feelings and in a moment of post coital bliss you spoke them into the universe. You were sure of the building feelings, having thought you were in love before but realizing how different it could actually be when the person was good. You just wished… that you hadn’t done it.

You were sitting in your seat for the first class of the day when Iwaizumi sat down in his chair behind you harshly, making his desk hit the back of your chair. The jolt surprised you and made you jump since you had been so immersed in your textbook and checking your homework that you hadn’t even noticed him walking in.

“Where were you?” He asked. Iwaizumi didn’t lean in to talk to you, opting instead for a normal volume of voice as he unpacked his materials.

You paused but didn’t turn around to face him when you answered. “Wanted to get some practice in,” You said to your textbook. You heard him pause behind you, obviously noticing the way you wouldn’t look at him.

“You’re avoiding me.” He stated, voice having lowered to barely a whisper.

It made you tense and pause what you were doing, your eyes only focusing on one single word printed on the book in front of you - chloroplast, chloroplast, chloroplast - “I um, really need to finish this up before class starts.” You shook your head and mumbled the response to him, definitively ending the conversation.

Iwaizumi didn’t try to push it any more. He stared at the back of your head for a few moments longer until the teacher at the front of the room demanded everyone’s attention. Bristling slightly, Iwaizumi chewed at his cheek in thought until he tasted blood. With you sitting in front of him, there was no way he was going to focus on class anyways so he let his mind wander to thoughts about what could be going on with you.

You couldn’t breathe properly. You were so focused on making sure that your focus was on the teacher and not the boy sitting behind you that you had forgotten the most basic of human needs - air. You sucked in a deep breath, hoping the air filling up your lungs would help alleviate the pain in your heart, and let it out in a heavy sigh - catching the attention of your instructor and the rest of the class.

“Something the matter, Miss (Y/n)?” Your teacher turned around partially from where they had been writing on the board, looking at you over their glasses.

“Uh, no ma’am.” You stuttered, embarrassed and looking back down at your notes. “Sorry.”

The older woman turned back to her lecture and the attention turned away from you, but your breathing wasn’t back to normal. You began to transition to your next subject, clearing your desk of previous materials and making room for what was needed now. You felt a light tap on your arm and looked down to see a hand holding a hard candy out to you. You looked at the hand skeptically, knowing it belonged to Iwaizumi.

“Here,” He mumbled, nudging the candy at you again. “I know you like the distraction when you’re stressed, so just take it.”

You snatched the candy out of his hand without a word and unwrapped it, quickly popping it into your mouth. The artificial flavor you immediately recognized as your favorite and the fiddling with the hard candy in your mouth was a welcome distraction, you actually felt yourself relax just a tiny bit. You were still uncomfortable and your chest still ached very deep down inside, but you felt like you could breathe again and that was an improvement.

“Thank you,” You mumbled around the candy, still not turning around and focusing on the new lesson instead.

- - - - -

When the bell for lunch rang, Iwaizumi was hopeful that this weird slump you were in had passed and that you’d turn around and ask him what his lunch plans were, like you always did. That didn’t happen. Instead, you bolted up in your seat, grabbing your packed lunch that had been sitting at your feet, and swiftly exited the room before he even got a chance to say anything.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, a slightly befuddled look on his face, until Oikawa came looking for him. “Iwa~” He greeted, sitting down in your chair. “Where is-”

“Something’s up,” Iwaizumi interrupted. “With (y/n), she won’t even look at me.”

Oikawa narrowed his eyes at his friend in thought, having no idea what had happened between parting ways with Iwaizumi days earlier and this moment. “I’ll go look for her,” He said, getting up and leaving his friend to sit alone.

Something told Oikawa to go to the dance studio. He’d been a few times, meeting you there after practices to try and sneak a few glances into your club life. What he found this time was a little more of a sad sight than he was actually expecting. You sat in the middle of the studio floor with your lunch in front of you, lights off, alone. You saw him reflected in the many mirrors that were on the walls so it wasn’t a surprise when he spoke up.

“I thought I’d find you here,” He came strutting into the space and took a seat next to you, picking up a piece of your lunch and popping it in his mouth.

You smiled sadly at your food, not looking up at Oikawa as you spoke. “Yeah, I just kind of… needed a different setting.”

“Something bothering you?” He pushed.

“Well, I do have to break up with my boyfriend soon.” You attempted to joke, finally looking up at his concerned face. 

“About that,” He started, trailing off and turning to mess with the food in your lunch. “What do you say we keep going?” He looked up at your confused face before continuing. “Well, it’d be a little suspicious and heartless if you dumped me right after such a devastating loss.”

“I am the ice queen though,” You mumbled with a sarcastic tone into your sandwich before taking a bite. “Wouldn’t be too off brand.”

“You know that nickname is bullshit,” He said, his tone strict when he saw the unconvinced look you shot at him. “But I was also hoping because I haven’t really decided what I’m going to do after graduation, and if we ‘break up’ now, they’re going to be all over me (y/n), more than before.”

You mulled over the proposition as you chewed on your food. You had gotten this far already, what were a few more weeks or months at this point in the whole ordeal. You looked at him, his chocolate eyes pleading you to agree, and you nodded your head. “Yeah,” You said after swallowing. “Yeah, let’s keep it going.”

He let out a sigh of relief and did his best to tackle you in a hug from where you were both sitting. It knocked you over and you let out what felt like your first genuine laugh in days. “Get off me you freak,” You laughed, shoving him off. He rolled over and laid down next to you.

“I really appreciate it, (y/n).” He said to the ceiling, resting his hands behind his head. “Especially with everything with Iwa, I’m grateful you guys are my friends.”

You completely froze. Your eyes were wide and unblinking as you too stared at the ceiling, not daring to move or even take a breath. He knew. He knew and he was okay with it? 

“It’s fine, (y/n)~” He laughed, one of his genuine laughs. “I figured it out a little while back, Iwa kind of confirmed it the other night. I’m happy for you guys, for real. Two of my favorite people.”

The tension still hung in the air but it wasn’t as bad as it had been a moment before. You felt the blush fade away from your face and an unknown weight lift from your chest and shoulders. This heavy secret you’d been carrying around was now known to the one person you’d been most worried about finding out. It wasn’t ideal, you were sure that Oikawa would’ve felt betrayed but you felt confident that he was honest when he said it was fine and he was happy - Oikawa Tooru was many things, but he was not a liar.

“I told him I was in love with him.” You whispered, breaking up the silence that had built between you for a few minutes. You scrunched up your eyes tightly in hopes that the burning tears would just go away when you thought of what had happened between you and Iwaizumi. “He didn’t… say anything.”

“Iwa has never been good with feelings,” Oikawa said quietly. He turned his head to face you, the feeling of him playing with a loose piece of your hair made you turn to look at him as well. He studied the strands intently, a soft smile on his face before his eyes turned to yours. “Do you ever think it could’ve been us, (y/n)? For real?”

Your heart broke in that moment. He didn’t look sad but was genuinely asking the question and looking for an answer.

Maybe. 

If you had stopped yourself that night after the party, things wouldn’t have gone where they did. If you hadn’t shared those lingering glances, searching for each other when you knew you shouldn’t be. If you hadn’t cried to him and had him hold you when you needed it most. Maybe things would’ve been different and instead of falling in love with his best friend, you might’ve fallen in love with the boy you were fake dating. But that’s not what happened, and you couldn’t change things now.

“I don’t know, Tooru.”

TAGS: @iihxneybunz75​ @bambisfuneral​ @svtbitch​ @gayverlinq​ @bubbleteaa​ @keekee-732​ @oikawannabeyourbabie​

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu iwaizumi hajime #hq!! x reader #hq!! #hq #hq iwaizumi #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #x reader

[maiaphaelsource]

I was the anon who sent you the trans Raphael headcanons ask on your other blog, do you have any more? With some trans Maia thrown in too🥺 like Magnus being the best trans dad to his son and the love of his sons life and being supportive and loving. Raphael kissing Maia on the forehead and telling her how beautiful she is, you know? Cute shit like that

yes!!! hello!!! i hope you know i love you and you're my favorite person in the world!! thank you so much for this ask!

okay so i’ll begin with the specifics... magnus is absolutely THE trans dad to both of them. not only with practical stuff like offering to help them with glamours, magical transitioning, stuff like that, but just... being so supportive and understanding. he’s always there, and he has so many stories to share, so many people he’s met who had happy lives. he was there for stonewall, he’s met Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, and it’s just so heartwarming for the both of them to talk to him about that, you know? that feeling of not being alone in history, of knowing that there are and were other people like you, that you’ve always existed.... it’s just great

also in maia’s case since she also lives a partially mundane life he just solves all her documentation problems like deadname? gone forever. no registers. you’re welcome. the first time maia sees her document with her name she almost cries and she throws herself in magnus’ arms and magnus is so touched and moved and shocked you know? like the gratitude and the affection and she’s just thanking him and he’s so moved and raphael just watches with a little smile in his face because he knows that magnus is moved by the display, even if he won’t say it. and maybe he tells magnus that later? like, “your kindness means more to others than you imagine,” and of course magnus isn’t important just because he’s kind but he’s used to not being recognized for his services (ahem especially by CERTAIN people) and it’s nice to see that being appreciated, you know?

plus, maia makes it a point to pay him and magnus is all like “i couldn’t possibly take payment for something like that. it’s the least you deserve” so instead maia teaches him her secret sangria recipe. magnus is super pleased but he also jokes that now he has one less excuse for inviting them over. and raphael goes, super seriously, “you never need an excuse” and magnus just melts 

raphael kissing her forehead! yes! tbh i think they both love forehead kisses (as well as hand kisses and shoulder kisses) and sometimes when she’s feeling dysphoric or upset for any reason she likes just... lying down on raphael’s chest and letting him pet her hair and kiss her forehead and tell her that it’s alright, bella, te quiero

and YES he just makes it a point to talk about how beautiful she is constantly and kiss down her whole body (not sexually of course, just sweetly?) and she giggles and it’s fun :’) sometimes things get to her, especially after jordan’s constant transphobic/racist rethoric, and it’s nice that raphael always makes it a point to tell her she’s beautiful and amazing and he loves her. and he always does it in such a matter of fact way, but also intense, you know? he has her close and he says shit like “you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever met” and she melts

as for general headcanons!

maia figured out she was trans relatively early in life, and it’s the reason she always knew she’d have to run away from her parents’ house. she was basically only planning until she had enough to be able to survive without them. but also, jordan and wanting to be able to “be with her already” rushed her out of home when she was finishing high school 

raphael and maia are absolutely willing to throw down for each other if someone’s transphobic and that’s that on that. someone being transphobic to raphael? fine, he can handle his own, he’ll end them with his words and do it with a pleasant smile. someone being transphobic to maia? they’ll be met with the usual cutting sarcasm until they back down. but if the other catches you doing that? you’ll be thrown against the wall and threatened/punched in the face so fast you won’t even know what the fuck happened 

a lot of baby trans downworlders start coming to them! they’re already an iconic couple for many reasons, what with being a werewolf/vampire couple, a black/latino couple (we need more black/latino couples okay! desperately! and black/native and native/latino too! i want more poc solidarity and romance!), and an iconique trans couple. people just feel comfortable going to them because they’ve brought so much change and are so accepting you know? 

it still surprises raphael, even after years on end, that so many people come to him for help with that. he never thought that he would be seen as the kind of person people can go to, and yet here he is. after being told for most of his life that he was cold/unfeeling/threatening/weird... it’s nice to be valued like that, to be seen as someone who can be soft and provide comfort and love, too

same goes for maia, who’s also used to be seen as agressive/violent for just defending herself and her people, and just generally reduced to being a “threat”. it’s nice to know that many, many people see her as someone they can look up to, and who they feel safe it

that is not to say obviously that they just love doing emotional labor for other people but like... having other trans downworlders, especially trans downworlders of color, come to them, feels nice. especially people who are trying to figure themselves out and approach them with so much hope and admiration in their eyes you know? the way they always come with a “sorry to bother, but..” ready in their lips and look at them like they are heroes... it’s really something

taki’s slowly becomes a place for trans downworlders to hang out, especially those who don’t enjoy clubs and stuff like pandemonium (which is totally a queer club as well bite me. including for mundanes. with taki’s that’s trickier of course since they have like, blood on their menu lmao but a few trans minors have hung out there and it was cool) for whatever reason. it’s just a cool queer-inclusive space for people who want to hang out, you know? and they love that

the first time maia saw raphael lose his cool was when a shadowhunter made a gross comment about how it’s lucky he didn’t want sex, so she wouldn’t have to deal with that. he almost tore their throat off

raphael just.... loves maia’s shoulders. she was a little self conscious of them, she always made a point to have them covered, but raphael just loves peppering kisses on her shoulders and making her chuckle 

magnus gives maia a bunch of fashion tips similar to the ones he gave raphael, just how to better protect herself and figure out how people are reading her gender and stuff like that, you know?

they do the thing where they show each other pre-transition pics (once they’re comfortable with that of course) just to hear each other be like “*outraged gasp* i don’t recognize you at all” and “oh, look how much happier you are now”, and my personal favorite, “i can’t see a boy/girl in there, i just can’t” (like personally whenever i see pictures of my partners/friends pre-transition i’m just like... i realize this is pre-transition and that you’ve changed a lot but also i’m unable to see an [assigned gender] in this photo). it’s all like “how did people not notice you were a girl? unbelievable” you know. just that sweet sweet trans couple validation ritual

together they have like. all the insufferable pun-happy sexualities (bi[romantic], pan, ace, trans) and you will be hit with those constantly in conversation if you’re a friend of them. raphael in particular greatly enjoys making those puns with the most blase, straight face as he looks straight into your eyes and watches as your soul slowly leaves your body. magnus is so proud and also afraid he created a monster

raphael is that bitch who’s like. “i heard that broccoli has a substance that’s similar to testosterone so i’m now eating 5 bowls of it” and maia wants to tear her hair out because it doesn’t work like that and he’s like “can’t hurt to try. also i’m finally able to eat let me have this” 

maia never got to like... celebrate those small transition moments because she was all alone and felt like she was transitioning in such a rush, you know? and raphael makes it a point to point out the small changes that are still going on with her body, to take her shopping and encourage her to be as giddy about it as she wants to, you know? and it’s nice and fun and he also gets to relive those small gender reaffirming moments and it’s really nice

maia is a huge against me fan!!! like not to project but it’s just... their songs are so great and relatable even when they’re not about being trans at all and laura jane grace’s voice is so beautiful and maia for sure absolutely loves punk, so like. it’s one of her fave bands for sure

she liked them since before laura came out and when she did it was like. oh. oh. so that’s why i always related so hard to her songs. it just... makes sense

while punk is not as much raphael’s style he likes true trans rebel, especially the acoustic version, where her voice just sounds mwaaahhh imo and he can listen to the recording for hours because her voice in there is just... sensorial heaven and maia feels all giddy that raphael genuinely loves a trans woman’s voice so much 

raphael always makes a point to say that he loves her voice just as much, too :)

they are just very trans and really love each other the end

#ask #anonymous #sorry this took relatively long to answer daidhaidha it's my first week of classes and i'm a little tired #as always i really loved this ask and just thank you so much for asking #sh #shadowhunters #maia roberts #raphael santiago #magnus bane #trans maia roberts #trans raphael santiago #trans magnus bane #maiaphael #maphael #magnus & maia brotp #magnus & raphael brotp #headcanon #text

[runswithwolvesx]

a gratitude/follow forever post!

Seeing as it’s been a few, good months since I’ve created this Stiles blog, I wanted to take the time to admire some of my writing partners and followers. While I have yet to really reach a certain number of them, no real achievement for that, it’s not about how many people follow me but rather, the content you guys have given me and allowed me to write with you. So, since it’s nearing the end of the year, I wanted to love on everyone who has given me such joy writing Stiles and those of you who genuinely brighten my days. This post is going to be a loooong one, feel free to skip it if you like.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

@lionheartedxvixen​ [+every single blog you have, girl]; Nelly, you are already aware of how much I love you since I love to be a cheeseball and just tell you from time to time. I’ve written plenty of those corny posts over the years on my personal blog, every single time we wrapped up another year and hit another milestone together. Your 13+ years of friendship has and always will be something I cherish, something I’ll honestly carry with me forever. And, I adore your portrayals of every character you’ve ever written! Every interaction we’ve ever had has always left me excited and wanting more (yeah, I’m greedy, sue me). From Brucas, to Brachel, Steroline, Steferine, Forbinski, Barlia and Stalia (plus the many other friendships, family, enemies, whatever!), I adore them all. You will always be my best friend and I’m always gonna wanna follow you to new places, give our muses new adventures and just love the hell out of you and your writing. Thank you for everything you do and have done for me. I truly believe you’re like one of my soul mates.

@kisscflife​; Moira, even though we don’t interact too often, I love you and appreciate all your support and genuine love for me. Your support has been so important to me this last year, especially with my transitioning. I want you to know that I greatly appreciate it and I’m glad we get along so well now. I’m blessed to call you a sister, but you’re always also going to be a friend. You should also know that your writing is amazing and you’re far more talented than you believe. You put a lot of thought into your OCs, which I love about them all. And I love laughing at the crack ideas of our characters, even if we don’t always make threads for them or write them out. Just the actual thought of some of the things we’ve talked and laughed about makes my day, every time. Don’t be hard on yourself, you are loved.

@ofherblueeyes​; Effy, my Stiles muse was half alive, half dead when you approached me about wanting to plot something and write together. My activity has now gone through the roof once more and I’m serious that you are partially to blame for this! I’m already having far too much fun with every thread we have made. They give me the feels, the joy, the sobs, the pain, the giggles, EVERYTHING. Thanks for reaching out and giving me the opportunity to write with you! Your Malia seriously makes me laugh and smile, and those damn painful posts make me wanna give her a hug. Or, rather, let Stiles (or even now Isaac) love on her! I look forward to more fun ideas, whether they’re on tumblr or discord, I don’t care. JUST GIVE ME EVERYTHING!

@literally-lydia​;  Kaliya, you were the first Lydia player who wanted to interact with Stiles on my mumu. While we haven’t written much lately, you are far too sweet for words and the time you spend writing out these replies really shows how much you love your muse. I enjoy reading your replies, though we haven’t done too much yet, you also make me smile in pms! Thank you for enjoying my Stiles and my writing, ‘cause I appreciate you and yours, too! 

@kanima-claws​; Jackson constantly either amuses or produces such feelings in me. Your writing and the amount of love you pour into him really shines, it just makes me miss the damn guy so much! Our thread hasn’t seen the light of day for a while (because I have been so bad at remembering and switched blogs and blah), but it is easily one of my favorites! Especially since Jackson ripped into Stiles about the Star Wars figures and pretty much thinks he’s the biggest loser known to mankind. ROFL I can’t wait to explore their dynamic more and just have all the funny things and hope they can learn to get along. I mean, they need to at some point. Thanks for being so sweet out of character as well, you are a geeeem in the rpc. I mean that!

@bansheeintuition​; Stephanie, oh my word, you are beyond talented at what you do. Every reply you respond with honestly blows me away because of your writing style and your grasp on Lydia. Our zombie AU literally became my obsession for some time and I adored it so much! The descriptions, the dialogue, just everything was so vivid and beautiful that it really was brought to life! I know we haven’t interacted too much since but I am always down for plotting and writing together because I love your portrayal and blog to bits! You are also far too sweet out of character, and so considerate and friendly whenever we’ve chatted, be it through tumblr or discord. Thank you for loving on Stiles and allowing me to bring him to life with your Lydia. <3

@thewailer​; Kate, UGH our thread and plot makes me stoked! I know it’s been slow going and you’re currently on hiatus, but just plotting it out and the overall feel of it and ideas for it are so great, I literally want to bask in all of it forever and a day. I love AUs and this idea is like, the AU of the century! Stydia investigating supernatural/paranormal things in the 1940s? Yessssss. Grabby hands! Gimmie! I love that you send in memes and answer them as well and just put so much effort into your portrayal and writing! Your muse gives me muse and gives me the creativity to want to write better. Plus, I love answering those memes and making little headcanons about Stydia (like the one where they blindfolded each other in the woods!). Thanks for being great out of character as well, and so patient with me when I had been away for a while. I look forward to you on my dash when you return and I hope life is treating you well! 

@deadbrcther​; Uggggh, your Isaac literally makes me MELT! Isaac is my absolute favorite next to Stiles and your writing really brings him to life. I know we haven’t written much together but I also admire him from afar and just enjoying being able to see him (and Noah) on my dash, whenever you’re around! Yes, I read their interactions at times, just to silently sob about how much Isaac deserved and didn’t get. I need more Stisaac in my life as well, and am always interested in them if you’d want to plot or work on something! :D

@ofnoblehunt​ / @haleontheprowl​; Rachel, I honestly didn’t think I needed more Stallison in my life, or even Stora but, your writing and muses are too good and I would honestly love to do more together! Those memes and your replies, even though we literally barely started interacting together, really gave me some legit feels. You’re also fun to chat with ooc and while we haven’t lately, I hope you’re doing well! I look forward to writing more together in the future and will love on both girls for as long as I can. :3

@willsavethem​; Meaghan, let me tell you something about Scott McCall and your portrayal of him: I. LOVE. YOU. Honestly, I get so excited whenever I see him on my dashboard and whenever you reply to just about anything possible. I would definitely love to pick up some more Sciles and am always up for working on something together. Just know that I creep on your posts and bask in them from afar because he is far too precious for this world and deserves all the good things. 

@perfectioncursed​; Beth, I haven’t even watched Riverdale yet, tbh, but Betty and Stiles give me liiiiife! -insert a sobbing face- While I know they’ve only had the few interactions, just their banter lifts me up and makes me want to explore their dynamic more. I wanted to appreciate you also as a writer, because I do peep on those posts when I see Betty on my dash. 👀 I love her and the fact that she would totally write a list about Stiles. (Plus, you know, that time he finally caved and let her look at his broken down Jeep? Yeah, that was greeeeat!) I look forward to more things, honestly. Feel free to throw anything at me, I’m game!

@oftroubledsouls​; Just chatting about Sterek the other day honestly made me so happy. Like, I know we haven’t interacted yet as I just took that Derek starter but, ugh. I am looking forward to it! Like, I need that goodness in Stiles’ life and it’s just gonna be a good time, I feel it. I also love seeing your muses on my dash and read them whenever I can. :) Feel free to hop into pms at anytime, even if just to ramble with me about Sterek and how much chemistry they had, UNF.

@leftinthedcst​; Kait, your blog on my dash makes me so happy! I like to read most of your interactions, as I find them so engrossing and just fun to see. Your characters are on point and while we haven’t interacted all that much, I would love to do that and plot some things out. I just wanted to take a moment to admire you because you deserve it and I hope you have a wonderful day. <3

other honorable mentions and people I either have chatted with/would love to plot with/simply adore on my dash are; @supernaturaliisms​, @survivingpierce​, @redemptivexheroics​, @tooxmanyxfaces​, @rosefromdeath​, @changedback​, @astormofagirl​, @monxsterxhunxters​, @vandbaerer​. 

Honestly, if you aren’t mentioned and I follow you or we have yet to break the ice, just know that I followed you because I’m interested in your blog/your muse(s) and would love to establish something together! My followers list is honestly not that long at all, it’s barely 50 people rofl but every single one of you is there for a reason and I adore the heck out of you all. <3 Thanks for being you, for enjoying and following Stiles and giving me so much to look forward to when it comes to being in the rpc.

#tw; long post #i wouldn't still be writing stiles if it wasn't for all of you guys #especially when my depression hits and i get so unmotivated #a lot of you keep me going and i am so thankful #positivity #<3 #follow forever #honestly? i'm very shy about approaching new people and i'm VERY shy about this post #it's created some anxiety within me but i really wanted to do it #also if you have yet to meet me #hi i'm jace and i love giving people lots of cheese and love

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Episode #100 Highlights!

That’s right: 100 EPISODES. That’s a lot of great questions, greater answers, questionable pronunciations of usernames, even more questionable uses of overlays, and a++++ excellent dogs. 

The entire cast is answering questions this week!

Max runs an (adorable) intro in the above puppet theater, and each cast member gets a title. Laura is The Heart, Sam is The “Funny Guy”, Travis is The Brawn, Liam is The Actor, Matt is The Brains, Marisha is The Face, Taliesin is The Pyramid, Brian is The Convict, and Ashley is The Favorite.

The cast’s entrance is majestic. There are balloons, sashes, tiaras, and champagne. Henry has a tiara too!

The Search for Grog will air this Friday, February 22 at 7 PM Pacific on twitch.tv/criticalrole. If you miss the stream, it’ll be available Saturday morning on CR’s YouTube channel!

Talks Machina and CR will air on CR’s official channels starting today! Starting next episode, TM will be available on CR’s YouTube channel on Thursday at 7 Pacific, and also in podcast form!

Stats: in 100 episodes of TM, there’s been 81 episodes of Brian’s glorious beard. There have been 9 Skype/FaceTime call-ins! There were 244 guest misnomers before that well ran dry. 93 episodes of pre-show hijinks (thanks to Max James!). 95 episodes of Arsequeef. 826 days of being on the internet!

Brian: "The concept of creating a talk show about a D&D campaign has always been absurd to me, so we wanted to embrace that terribleness.”

There’s now a Steve Cam (quietly reading, meal prepping, and ignoring the show), and a Zach Cam (staring at a monitor that’s all just Liam’s chest hair and the Fjord bust), and a Max Cam (dancing in a stripper cop outfit), Lockey Cam (practicing with a sword in front of a mirror and then charging at Daniel for filming it - Brian: “Hopefully Daniel’s non-union.”), Ed Cam (drinking scotch and counting down the days until football returns, and also lint rolling his new goatee), Chris Cam (rapping in the VO booth), Brittany Cam (dancing with a unicorn blanket, huffing compressed air - Brian: “You can’t show that on Twitch!”).

Matt is asked how his DMing style has evolved with campaign 2. “Well... I’ve been forced to embrace a little more of the tragedy in the characters’ backstories.” The internal and external conflict has been really interesting for him to watch and react to. “I’ve learned to be very proud of my players for mucking up my perception of where things are going to go.”

Coming to Xhorhas, Nott’s thrilled to no longer have to worry about the mask. Sam’s excited about the City of Beasts “to see what kind of fucked-up individuals we’re going to find and seeing how Nott will react to that.”

Yasha definitely sympathizes with Nott trying to save her spouse, but “there’s a lot going on with her going back to Xhorhas. It’s definitely triggering for her, but she understands the need to want to go back. I wish I could go to Xhorhas. We’ll see what happens.” Travis: “I’m pretty sure once we go to a place we can never go back.”

Favorite item on the Talks shelves? Taliesin mentions a magnetic Percy mini, Sam likes the tiny Sams (”It looks like my bedroom!”), Ashley and Brian are partial to the Sully painting, Laura loves the Pike painting, Marisha loves all the stuff the cast bought on a hungover voyage to the flea market when they were first building the set, Matt loves a very cool dice tower. Brian likes the Vecna with Marisha’s face. Matt: “I don’t know if I like that one.”

Laura doesn’t like the party using the derogatory term for the Krynn, because she wants people to be happy even if she doesn’t know them. Sam: “I haven’t been the best for that, but if Jester wants me to... I guess I’ll change.”

There are new wipe transitions featuring the Matt pillow and the Fjord bust. It’s glorious.

Gif of the week: Sam calling Travis “studly” for catching the candy. Laura: “...I like that I’ve been cut out of it completely.”

Arsequeef gets the Lifetime Achievement Award for Gif of the Week. He wins Max’s 2006 Honda Accord.

On Caleb taking off his bandages because there’s nothing to hide anymore: “Was that terrifying for him, or a relief?” Liam: “Yes!” He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it feels good. He’s got f...r...iends?” Marisha: “I love that sitcom. (weakly) F...r...iends?”

Caduceus being a source of comfort, insight, and advice was built into the character. Taliesin looked at low INT high WIS, and Matt immediately started laughing and told Taliesin he’d do well with that. Taliesin: “There’s plenty of things that will eventually flap that, but we haven’t hit them yet.”

As a player, Travis doesn’t like to weigh things carefully all the time, so a lot of Fjord’s leardership has been a bit about pressing fast-forward. Marisha: “So what you’re saying is that your Grog’s poking through.” Matt points out that if both characters have a trait, it’s probably just Travis. 

Liam: “I’ve got a little Travis poking me from behind.” Marisha, musing: “So many conflicting beards...”

Beau’s prayer to Ioun mostly came from a “couldn’t hurt” perspective. “I’ll try it out. Give it a spin.” When Travis asks, Marisha clarifies that it was Ioun specifically because of the Cobalt Soul. Travis: “Oh yeah, I totally knew the relationship there. I just wanted to make sure the audience did.”

Bugbear friend or bugbear foe? Sam: “He speaks goblin, he seems cool, his name’s Gluzo. He has a hard-to-pin-down accent, but it’s amazing.” Taliesin: “You have a hard-to-pin-down accent, too. It’s something you have in common.” Taliesin gets asked if his insight check revealed that the bugbear is secretly pretending to be someone else. “Yes, he’s just pretending to be a bugbear. He’s actually Matt Mercer.” Laura: “I like him. ‘Cause he’s cute and he let me give him a tattoo.”

Sam: “Nott trusts her friends to be as strong as they can be, and at this point, I don’t know if she’s as concerned with one of them dying as just getting to her husband in time before he dies. If we lose one along the way, Nott will probably cry a little, but will move on.” What if it were Fjord? “Fjord’s expjendable.”

Matt: “I’ve reached a point where Travis controls Yasha in combat, but I don’t consider any of his roleplay canon.” Ashley: “I trust Travis. Barbarian respect.” Laura: “Don’t give him that.” Ashley: “Travis himself is like a Deck of Many things. This is risky, but it’s kind of fun!”

Sam: “That dunamancy shit is lit.” Liam: “And it’s tied up in everything that Caleb wants, so if he can get on the entropy shit and the gravity shit, you know he’s going to go back in time, motherfucker.” Sam is so excited to have these mystery spells because they’re so new, and they’re inherently something they don’t know how to counter or prepare for. Travis: “It’s almost like every time we play D&D.”

Fanart of the Week: a spectacular group shot.

Everyone freaks out over how good Travis looks with glasses. He takes them off and puts them back on sexily for a while. I was too slow grabbing a screencap, but don’t worry, the gifs will be everywhere.

Laura: “Jester hasn’t experienced a lot of emotions. She hasn’t experienced a lot of anything, really. She’s definitely dealt with sadness in her life, but I don’t think it’s been so in-your-face constantly, just the trauma of it all.” Liam: “Yeah, she’s with some very terrible people.” Laura: “While it is traumatic, it’s also been a great adventure, and she’s enjoying being out and doing things. Even if it might hurt her, it’s so much better than reading about it, drawing it, just imagining how it would be.”

Caleb’s still feeling out the shift in his relationship with Nott, but there’s no question that everything they’ve gone through can’t be forgotten or overlooked. “He sees her as an absolute ally no matter what, and will do anything for her. In a weird way, he feels like they’re even more alike than he thought they were, and he loves her and wants her to succeed in what she’s doing, and hopes that the things that he wants don’t fuck it up entirely.” Sam: “Are you talking about Liam and Sam right now?”

Caduceus’ thoughts on Xhorhas? “A new environment, certainly, and a new aspect of nature that he’s unfamiliar with. This is just more terrain to him at this point. He’s also very unaware of the political realities. He’s vaguely aware there is war. He’s still not sure why we can’t just go up and ask for directions from everyone.”

Brian: “That tiara is the most blessed image.”

Travis on the Captain Tusktooth tattoo: “Brand recognition is huge in Xhorhas.” Taliesin: “Viral marketing.” Laura confirms that it’s not likely to change apart from some small differences from tattoo to tattoo. “Each person gets a special google.”

Laura on fans actually getting this tattoo: “I am ALL ABOUT IT.”

Marisha: “Guys! How about instead of M9 tattoos...” Sam: “We let Laura tattoo us? I would legitimately be down with that!” Ashley: “I’m kind of into it.” Liam: “This is what splits us apart.” Laura: “Everybody gets a dick.” Travis: “How would we explain that to our kid? ‘What’s that?’ ‘Your mom did that.’”

Beau is holding back a bit since her impulsiveness started having negative repercussions. “I think it’s about accountability. She’s started to learn--- especially when she first joined M9, she didn’t have friends, really. I think you had to learn, oh, my actions do affect others around me. I think that’s something you can learn and you can grow in, but yeah, she is trying to not be a total fuckwad anymore. Trying. But old habits...”

Favorite TM moments? Travis: “Do you remember that episode where Brian wasn’t the host?” Brian remembers Travis throwing the card that almost took him out. Ashley fondly remembers PullOutKing. Laura remembers Taliesin saying the phrase “I love teenage assholes” (referring to Percy acting immature), and Taliesin is super glad someone brought that up again just when the tweets were finally starting to die down. 

Ashley talks about how proud she is about how far Brian’s come, and how great he’s doing at this. Everyone has an uncharacteristically sincere moment of applause for Brian. Liam: “Everyone take 30 seconds to drop the bit that we think you’re a total fucking weirdo. You’re so good at this, and you’re such a good friend, and we’re so glad you’re part of this family.”

Marisha pitches the idea of trying to sell TM syndicated on LifeTime now that they have 100 episodes.

Brian remembers having food poisoning that led to him running off-screen, throwing up in the middle of the show, and then having to come back. Marisha remembers Travis texting everyone that night with “lol, did Brian just yarf on TV?”

Matt talks about how proud he is of Brian for going from zero tabletop experience to co-running his own game.

Talks Machina After Dog ft. Sleepy Boi Henry

“This is the best dog-petting show ever.”

Liam was skeptical about TM initially, because he was worried it would take away from what would be shared in-game. Marisha: “I was stoked for it, not gonna lie. I was very misunderstood and people hated my character, so I was kind of stoked to just get to explain it.” Travis was sold once they picked the name.

Marisha: “It also set the precedent for really dumb, punny names.” Brian points out that, as a channel, they now can’t stick with serious names as their final choice.

Laura’s sister has been watching the show, and she texted Laura after the show to ask what the whisper was, so Laura’s going to tell her and no one else. Liam: “You’re gonna tell your real sibling?”

There’s a horrified discussion about giraffe fighting. Some segues happened in there.

What’s something their characters have done that’s made them proud? Liam: Caleb using the Wall of Fire. Marisha: the Plank King execution episode as a whole (everyone agrees). Travis: “I was proud of hooking up with an NPC when my wife wasn’t here to threaten me with death.” (he immediately turns to Taliesin: “Help.” Taliesin: “No god can help you now.”) Taliesin: “I sunk a boat.” Laura: Proud of not getting caught with Nott in the Platinum Dragon sanctuary. Sam: Taking the blow for Jester so she could escape. Liam: “Molly showing his dick covered in eggs.”

Matt: “I’m proud of you guys not entirely descending into evil madness. I’m proud of the character arcs of being broken, terrible people, and finding out that it’s okay to be broken; you’re not necessarily terrible.” Liam: “The entire cast went, ‘He’s talking about everyone but me’.” Matt thought it was going to be very hard to keep the group together, but the party turned it into character growth moments. “I’m proud of you.” Laura: “Thanks, Dad.”

Yasha loved the arm wrestling. “Oh man, it’s so fun to be the tank.”

Laura: “I’m really proud of us for saving Kiri!”

Everyone has Liam’s chest hair:

Wishes for the next 100 episodes? More Ashley. 

Brian: “I hate this coffee table more than anything in the whole, entire world.”

What’s something that should never change about the show? How ridiculous it is, the barrel, Dani. Also always have a dog. They fundamentally do the show for themselves, still, and that’s made it a really good environment for them to open up about the show and their characters.

Liam: “There’s a lot of beauty to what we do, but it’s also inherently silly. And to deny that is silly.”

Matt likes that it’s unpolished and imperfect. “Things are going to go wrong regardless, and you can either get angry and frustrated about the lack of control, or you can embrace it.” Sam: “None of this is real anyway.” 

Brian points out that this is not an excuse to stop paying him.

And that’s a wrap! This is the last After Dark for a while, but there are some big ideas in the works for the coming weeks!

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

[statusquoergo]

And we’re back! Everyone will definitely be bringing their A-game after that nice little hiatus, yeah? This episode is going to hit it out of the park for sure.

Well, maybe.

The sexism and misogyny really hit the ground running as Harvey, preparing to accompany Samantha to Pittsburgh to meet her biological father, ambles into the living room to ask Donna if she’s “sure [she’s] okay with [him] going on this trip” because “not a lot of women would want their men doing this.” Fortunately Donna is “not a lot of women,” so Harvey has permission to go hang out with other girls, and without supervision, even! What a lucky guy. Not only that, but Donna points out that while any of them would willingly accompany Samantha, Harvey is uniquely qualified to understand what she’s going through because of his long-term estrangement from his mother, which, I mean, yeah, I guess so. Except then she says she loves him and he replies “Thanks,” which is a huge waste of a perfect opportunity to say “I know,” and then, for the first time this season, he says “I love you too,” smothered under an obnoxious cough into his fist, because he’s a mature adult who’s in touch with his emotions but he’s not too mature and he’s not a girl or anything.

Back at lawyerly headquarters, Louis takes advantage of Harvey’s two-day absence by sitting in his desk chair and contemplating listening to his records, gushing that he “can finally be Harvey Specter, and no one will ever know.” Yeah, there’s definitely no way anyone who works at this firm knows that’s Harvey’s office and might walk by and ask what he’s doing in there, of course not. He then sets off the comedic half of the episode by answering Harvey's phone and sort-of-but-also-not-really-accidentally setting up a meeting with “the Ted Tucker,” who wants a meeting with Harvey and he wants it today. Fortunately for Louis, Tucker has never actually met Harvey, and…you know where this is going.

Harvey pulls up to Samantha’s place in a vintage Ford Mustang (I want to say it’s a 1967) that stirs up some Feelings for her; he offers to take it back to the car club and exchange it, but she says it’s fine because she just wants to get on the road, and here comes the sentimental half: Twenty-five years ago, twelve-year old Samantha was…in a group home? With one other kid? Unclear, but the important part is that she lived in a house with some kid named Adam and their abusive father…figure, Ron. One day Adam and Samantha accidentally broke the tail light on Ron’s brand new car, a Mustang identical to the one Harvey’s driving; Samantha took the blame even though Adam threw the ball that broke the light, and Ron beat her for it, so. Feelings.

Louis shows up at Donna’s office in a truly horrifying wig (he calls it his “Harvey wig,” if you’d like to conjure up that mental image; yeah, kind of, but more chestnut-colored) for some information that’ll let him demonstrate to Tucker that signing him would be a conflict of interest, and to her credit, Donna begs him to take the wig off, but when Louis explains that he just wants to feel like Harvey for one lunch, she agrees to help him even though it’s “a really bad idea.” I’m gonna give her partial credit on this one; good intentions, poor execution.

Except then we actually get to see Louis at the lunch and dear lord, Donna, how could you let this happen? Someone on the writing staff (Korsh) is definitely indulging in one hell of a narcissistic fantasy by way of Louis, who, doing a pretty decent imitation of Harvey’s walk, waltzes into some high-end club or resort or something, passing through an endless gauntlet of waiters and attendants who each usher him toward the inner sanctum with a Stepford smile and a solicitous “Mr. Specter,” until he ends up at a table with Tucker, who informs him that the reason they’re surrounded by a ridiculous number of trays of food is, get this: “Well, I didn’t know what you liked, so I just ordered the entire menu.”

This fucking show, I swear.

Things only go downhill from there (from my perspective, not Louis’s) as Louis boisterously recounts a number of stories from Harvey’s life, including “Life is like this, I like this,” and that time Harvey brought Rachel to pick Mike up from prison in a limo. Tucker grinds the festivities to a screeching halt when he asks if Harvey knew Mike Ross was a fraud when he hired him, but fortunately for Louis, A Few Good Men is Tucker’s favorite movie, so screaming “You can’t handle the truth!” in his face is enough to make everyone forget about that silly question and get right back to their sinful indulgences. These people all have such integrity, it’s amazing.

Turns out a traumatic childhood isn’t Samantha’s only connection to the Mustang; Eric Kaldor also used to drive one, which skeeves Harvey out until Samantha assures him that when Harvey drives it, he does “make it look cool.” This dynamic is weirding me out so much; a week ago, she fucks over Mike Ross, Harvey furiously declares that he doesn’t trust people who lie to his face, Faye (justifiably) fires her, and then suddenly, with zero transition, it’s all hands on deck to get her back at the firm, and now on top of that, Harvey's her biggest cheerleader and also road trip buddy? That whole “I don’t trust you anymore,” was that just a hissy fit or what? I don’t… I don’t know what to do with this, I don’t like it.

Oh, wait, more flashbacks: Samantha and Adam steal Ron’s car to drive off in the middle of the night. Samantha, evidently recounting this story to Harvey, explains that they were pulled over on account of the broken tail light, but she assures him that “it could’ve been worse,” being that she ended up with a new family and neither of them had to go back to their abuser, and also she doesn’t know whatever happened to Adam so I guess he might show up sometime in the next three episodes maybe. I really wish I cared more.

That sounds mean, but hear me out a minute: Samantha was introduced in the beginning of Season 8. In fact, “The Greater Good” (s08e13) gives her her very own expository sub-plot courtesy of Judy O’Brien, through whom we learn…very little about Samantha’s experience in foster care, except who Judy is and what Samantha’s relationship is to her, which doesn’t matter at all because it never comes up again. (Well, it will in a bit, but not in any really important way.) It’s basically a waste of an opportunity to tell us things about Samantha that we don’t already know because all it does is build incrementally on things that we do, but in ways that are irrelevant. All the rest of the hints the show drops throughout the season about her backstory are shadowy and vague and mainly serve to establish her as an enigmatic figure whose mysterious past I guess I’m supposed to be dying to learn about, except that right from the start, “Right-Hand Man” (s08e01) establishes that she lies about her past to suit her own interests, so from the very beginning, I’m inherently suspicious of everything she says about herself, which makes it really hard to empathize with her.

The problem with the way her past is revealed is that it’s not really a running subplot, or a continuous arc; little hints and features are dropped here and there, but only insofar as they relate to a given episode’s broader narrative (i.e., she was a Marine, which is only relevant in “Special Master” [s09e02] for that odious misrepresentation of PTSD), which makes it feel like they’re invented on the spot because hey, we don’t really know much about her, who’s to say this or that didn’t happen? If you pay close attention, you might be able to collect enough clues to piece together a complete story, but with everything else that’s going on in this show, I gotta say, I really can’t be bothered. Especially when I have no idea how much of that story is even true.

Right, so, remember how Samantha knows that Kaldor has a Mustang? Well we seem to have graduated real quick from twelve-year old flashback Samantha to twenty-seven year old flashback Samantha, who reveals that while working a case together, she and Kaldor became…involved.

Ew.

Oh but wait. Out of absolutely fucking nowhere, present day Samantha decides “it’s time [she and Harvey] talk about the elephant in the room.” Not “[her] getting fired because of [him]” (she didn’t, she got fired for fabricating evidence), but “why [she] fabricated that evidence in the first place.” Harvey points out the obvious, that he already knows she did it because she hates to lose, and she asks, if he knows that, why he got so mad at her for doing it. (Oh I don’t know, maybe because she fabricated evidence.) Answer? “Because [he] told Mike [they] wouldn’t cross any lines.” And even though their client wasn’t technically doing anything illegal, “Mike’s always on [him] about doing the right thing, and now he’s out there walking the walk, and the least [Harvey owes] him is to think about right and wrong once in awhile.” (Uh, yeah, did he miss the part in “Promises, Promises” [s08e03] where he got their landlord to pay the maintenance staff a fair wage because he felt bad for the facilities manager? And I quote: “David, all I’m asking is do the right thing.”)

Oh but then.

“You really admire him, don’t you?” “I don’t just admire him, Samantha. He went to prison for me. Talk about someone who’s got your back.”

Okay. So… Okay. Yes, that is a thing that happened. It was a very big deal. Mike and Harvey spent six whole episodes fighting over which of them was going to be the one to take the fall. Except then Season 7 happened, and Mike spent sixteen episodes becoming increasingly distant from and combative with Harvey, culminating in that disastrous farewell at the wedding that Mike didn’t even invite him to. And then “If the Shoe Fits” (s09e05) happened, wherein Mike literally started off the case by promising Harvey not to do anything that could result in either of them being disbarred and finished it by doing exactly that, wrapping up his visit by condemning Harvey for having lost himself because yes, of course, Harvey’s the one who was being a dick that whole time.

Yet apparently, even after all that, Harvey still thinks Mike walks on water. I guess that does kind of help explain his behavior and the exceedingly weird dialogue the last time Mike showed up; Harvey’s got a little hero worship going on, or at the very least, he still has an enormous blind spot where Mike is concerned. On the plus side, there’s my quota of evidence for the episode that Harvey needs to go to therapy like, yesterday.

And about that whole evidence fabrication thing, props to Samantha for admitting that if “[she] could go back and do it all over again, [she] wouldn’t.” Donna could learn a thing or two from her.

Speaking of Donna, Louis hurries in to tell her that his lunch with Tucker was “the greatest lunch of [his] life,” all “because [he’s] Harvey Specter.” But things hit a little snag when he tried to demonstrate that SLWW would have a conflict of interest representing Tucker as well as some company called Reed Communications, because Tucker waived the conflict by buying Reed Communications on the spot, and that’s not even Louis’s only problem because Reed Communications’ in-house counsel is, dun dun dun! Harold Gunderson! Who wants to set up a meeting with Harvey, who knows nothing about any of this. Louis determines that since thinking like Louis got him into this mess, thinking like Harvey is going to get him out of it, and I’m confused, wasn’t the whole point of all this for him to be Harvey? Who’s he been thinking like all day? Way to commit to the role, man, no wonder you’re not an actor.

Filler time: Ten-years-ago Samantha and Kaldor have been together for six months and it’s been “one of the best six months of [his] entire life.” (Seems to me like a weird unit to increment his life by, but hey, man, whatever floats your boat.) In the present day, Harvey suggests stopping for burgers, but Samantha wants to get to their destination before dark, so he’ll settle for some M&M’s at the gas station. Equivalent exchange for the win.

Part II

#suits usa #s09e07 #season 9 #analysis

[whimzililly]

Anna is NOT going to be pregnant in Frozen 2

This has been a popular theory going around because of the mom-hair connection, but guys...unless this was a serious time skip or Disney was going crazy it’s NOT going to happen, for three main reasons.

ANNA IS 18 WHEN FROZEN ENDS. This would mean, even if it’s like 3 years later, she would still be college age. I really don’t think Disney would let the main character of their most financially lucrative franchise become pregnant that young. Not only would it likely piss of MANY parents, but it makes Anna a lot less accessible to the target demographic. It’s been 5/6 years since Frozen came out. That’s a long time! But not THAT long. The 6-10 year olds that made Frozen so successful are STILL KIDS. Older kids, sure, but still kids. They don’t necessarily want to see Anna’s first real big adventure outside of Arrendale be bogged down by morning sickness. It also eliminates the possibility for any further sequels that wouldn’t at least partially focus on Anna being a young mother. Because if 20 year old Anna goes off on adventures to fight badguys and discover magic and all that while leaving her 2 year old at home with Kristoff, some parents are going to be PISSED.

COLLEGE AGE ANNA WOULD BE PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK!! To have this plot work we would either need to completely skip Anna and Kristoff’s wedding entirely, including all of the development that took place in their relationship that led them to thinking they were ready for marriage (one of the huge themes of the first movie), OR Disney is going to have Anna, the star of their most lucrative and popular franchise, GET PREGNANT BEFORE SHE GETS MARRIED. Which Disney...would not do. If it was the plot of it’s own totally original movie, maaayyyybeeee. But they wouldn’t just throw that plot into Frozen, ESPECIALLY with the cast and crew actively pushing Disney to let them make Elsa gay. ESPECIALLY especially in a movie where there’s going to be even MORE focus on Anna and Elsa’s relationship. Remember, the Let It Go of Frozen 2 has been confirmed to be a duet between Anna and Elsa. That means the two characters who are most involved in the pregnant plot (because that can’t really be a removed B plot) are Anna and ELSA, not Anna and Kristoff. Even if Anna keeps it a secret from Elsa, the focus is still on what Anna thinks ELSA would feel about her pregnancy. With the ‘lesbian incest sisters’ thing still big in the 1 Million Moms crowd, the crew and cast of a movie WHO WANT ELSA TO BE GAY/BI would NOT risk feeding into that whole mess.

IT LIMITS THE ADVENTURE/COMEDY POTENTIAL. Yes, there’s a lot of story and drama potential in this idea, but it also means that Anna can’t get seriously injured. Anna, the super slapsticky, impulsive, charge into danger for the ones she loves main character constantly surrounded by super dangerous and fairly volatile magic CAN’T GET HURT. Every time she falls off of a ledge, or gets hit by a blast of magic, or rushes in front of a bad guy to protect someone, the first thought will ALWAYS have to be the baby. She literally CAN’T put herself in harm’s way for the people she cares about while pregnant. To a lot of parents (and even some kids), that won’t be seen as brave or selfless anymore, that would be seen as prioritizing the life of her sister or husband over her child. The only way to circumnavigate this is by Anna shoeing that she believes the lives of others alive around her are more important to her than the potential for a life that rests in her first trimester pregnancy, but Disney would...NOOOOOOOOT DO THAT. Hahahaha, no. Or maybe they could have it be that Anna needs to learn to be more responsible with herself for the sake of her unborn child, but Jennifer Lee wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t make Anna’s second film appearance be her learning that she can’t adventure and fight and explore the world like she dreamed of her whole life because she has to take care of a baby now. With an already born child, that’s not an issue. Because her doing all that fun stuff wouldn’t literally directly endanger the life of her kid every second. But with Anna still pregnant, that’s the message the above story arc conveys, even if Anna literally turns to the camera and says “This is only until my child is born and done breastfeeding. THEN I’ll do all that stuff you want to see again!”. And that brings me to...

4(B). WHAT HAPPENS TO ANNA’S PREGNANCY IF SHE GETS HIT WITH AN ICE BLAST. This is SUCH a glaringly obvious question that it literally cannot be glossed over without hurting the story. Anna getting hit by ice blasts is what makes the story and characters happen in the first movie. Without Anna getting hit by an ice blast, the plot doesn’t happen, and Anna and Elsa’s characters don’t happen. The fear of hurting Anna with her magic isn’t just going to disappear from Elsa’s character in Frozen 2. Which means that, no matter how the writers phrase it, at some point Elsa will have to worry that she might cause Anna to have a miscarriage because of her magic. And that is... You know, I like when Disney goes darker and more mature. I Ioved the addition of canonically suicidal Elsa in Frozen the Musical. But Disney, Jennifer Lee, Idina Menzel, please don’t make that a thing that happens in Frozen 2. Please. Please don’t make Elsa stress about causing her sister to have a miscarriage because of her neurodivergance metaphor. Please.

And that, folks, is why Pregnant Anna isn’t going to be a thing in Frozen 2. And...do we really want it to? There’s a LOT of great story potential in the idea of Anna having a child (especially if that child has magic), but not yet. This is only the second movie, and all of the leads are so young and sheltered. Having a baby, even just physically being pregnant, doesn’t mean you can’t adventure and grow anymore, but it is still a HUGE shift in your life, and makes it a lot harder to explore and adventure and heal from past traumas when you don’t have a solid foundation of life and experiences to help you transition. Maybe if Anna grew up in a band of traveling adventurers who interacted with hundreds of colorful characters and had tons of children and tasks Anna had to watch over from time to time, a baby at 19-21 would be fine for her. But she’s not. She’s a sheltered princess who didn’t leave her home from ages 6-18 and probably NEVER left her country, who has had one real romantic relationship, no real parental figures from 15 on, and is only just starting to rekindle a deep connection with her sister. She’s only beginning to understand herself and the world and complex interpersonal connections and having serious responsibility. Kristoff is a lot better with that stuff, but even so. We’ve also only seen literally FIVE DAYS of Anna and Kristoff’s relationship (3 in the movie, 1 in each special. I know the specials time skip but Anna and Kristoff only share a few lines in each and those lines are intentionally written so that you can watch Frozen 2 without having watched the shorts and missed basically nothing.). It doesn’t matter how much we time skip in the sequel, ‘show don’t tell’ is an important rule in cinema for a reason. If the audience didn’t see Kristoff and Anna go through huge character arks involving their relationship to get them to the point of being ready for a kid, it doesn’t matter how they act or what they say in the sequel, the audience won’t buy it. “You can’t marry a man you just met” transitions really easily to “You can’t have a kid with someone who’s last notable interaction with you was him asking for permission to kiss you for the first time after meeting for the first time and becoming a couple that week”. Let’s face it, if these characters existed in the real world, Anna, Kristoff, and Elsa would have a long sit down discussion about the pregnancy, ending with Anna deciding to get an abortion/give her child up for adoption. That’s where their characters all are right now. That would be the decision that implements the lessons Anna learned in the first movie. Why do we want a story where Anna learns to deal with something she would handle an entirely different way in the real world? The lessons in these movies are useless if they can’t be applied to the real world as it is now. The only way to circumnavigate this is if Anna and Kristoff we’re actively trying to have a child, but that wouldn’t happen period. Not ‘it wouldn’t happen in the real world’, it just wouldn’t happen. The whole message of the No Instant-Love plot was don’t rush headfirst into things you’re not ready for because you think it will bring you happiness based on the idealized fairytale version of it in your head. Anna and Kristoff (and Elsa, because it would affect her too) are not ready for a child right now. They wouldn’t make the choice to have a child right now, because they (especially Anna) learned that lesson the hard way. When Frozen 4 comes out, I’m all for some kids. But based on everything we know about Disney, the people working on Frozen 2, and the characters/story itself, Pregnant Anna will have to stay in AUs until then.

#Frozen #Frozen 2 #Kristoff #Anna #Elsa #Kristanna #Gay Elsa #Disney #Frozen leakes #Frozen 2 leaks #Frozen theory #Long Post #Sorry

[racingtoaredlight]

spencer096′s Precision Bass Project:  Bridge and Tuners

Surely there’s no way I could write 1,000 words on tuners and bridges, is there?  Only one way to find out!

***

I think vintage things look cool.

Like, if something is well made enough to last decades and still be used today, it’s at the least not a piece of shit.  I’ve thought about this a lot lately...do I like P-Basses because of what they are as instruments?  Or do I like them because 75% of the bassists I loved from the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s and 80′s played them, and that’s what I associate with great bass tone?

It’s the former.  That question is answered whenever I go to a guitar store and can’t put a P-Bass down, and hate every other bass I pick up when I actually do.

And really, it doesn’t matter if it’s a new one or old one...they all play and sound pretty much the same.  Feel is a different story, solely because of the differences in neck and nut widths, but there’s not a whole lot of variance.

But since this is my own personal project, and not a single compromise needs to be made, I decided to go all vintage. Vintage things look cool, sure...but oftentimes they perform in weird ways, one of which we’ll look at today.  But, regardless of peculiarities, the psychological benefit you get from playing something you love every aspect of more than overrides that.

Even if something performs perfectly well, it might not be worth it if, psychologically, you’re stuck on something negative.  It sounds stupid, but if there’s something ugly on my guitar, I just can’t shake it.  It bothers me and I’ll forever be looking at that next instrument.  With my Strat, I hit every single thing I ever wanted in a guitar, and that was the literal end of my guitar lust.

***

Modern P-Bass on the top, 1965 on the bottom.

So, for my entire musical life, I’ve used tuners that tighten the string when you turn them counter-clockwise.  Every single guitar from my nylon-stringed classical guitar to my jazz box to my shred guitar to my Strat.

Do you have any idea how much it fucked with my head when I first played a vintage Fender (Jazz) that had these reverse-winding tuning keys on them? I was just sitting there looking at the headstock, drooling on myself.  It short-circuited a wire.

Imagine doing something the same way you’re entire life...say it’s tying your shoes a certain way.  Maybe how you tie a tie.  Brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand.  Something like that.  

...ok, I’m exaggerating quite a bit here.  It takes all of “that first time” to adjust to the reverse-winding keys.  It’s just something weird.  It feels really fucking weird to turn the keys the opposite way you have your entire life...at least that first time.  It has zero effect on performance and sound, it’s just a weird design thing that serves no real purpose other than making stupid “righty tighty?” jokes to yourself.  Like that one machine on the Simpsons that makes the flush go the Northern Hemisphere way.

The modern tuners on the top...they’re lighter, they’re more efficient, they turn the normal way, they have graduated pegs so that the string can wind around properly and give you the right break angle over the nut...in almost every single way they’re better than the vintage models.

But I think they’re ugly.  The vintage ones look like a row of flowers elegantly sitting atop their stems.  The modern ones look like an ugly piece of metal thunked on there for no fucking reason.

***

I don’t know why this happened either.

For the first 14 years of the Precision Bass’ existence, it used those beautiful old Gotoh Res-o-Lite reverse-winding tuners.  Then CBS bought Fender and started fucking with shit.  The first thing you’d notice in the “transition era” are the lollipops.  Still made by Gotoh, CBS was like “lets try something different than the clover,” and they came out with their one good thing!  Here’s a 1968 P-Bass...

I fucking love those lollipop tuners.  I was pretty close to going with them on my project bass, but decided against it simply because I love the vintage clovers.  But it was a legitimately cool change.  It was different, new, it served as a clear delineation between Leo’s Fender and CBS’.

A few posts ago I talked about late 60′s Fenders as toys (think Hendrix era).  These instruments were essentially garbage, and the only reason they have any value whatsoever is because they share model names with the pre-CBS versions.

If you asked me if you should get a 1971 Precision or a 2018 Precision, I’d laugh in your face because there’s no comparison.  Fender’s changed ownership hands roughly half dozen times since then, and the group that owns them now is putting out such fucking high quality stuff, it’s hard to even consider them the same company.

Anyways, back to the late 60′s...CBS returned to the clovers, but that “stem” kept getting shorter and shorter over the years.  Here’s a 1971, a 1981, a 1992 and a 2001.

Personal preference and all, but I think they look ugly.

An aside...some of you might be wondering why one of those has colored silk on the strings.  Some manufacturers do that to lessen the amount of friction the string experiences when tuned.  I don’t know why manufacturers only do this some of the time on roundwound strings (Rotosound, GHS and Sadowsky), but almost everyone does it on flatwounds.  Colors vary by manufacturer...some companies only use one color silk, some companies use different silk for different models.  Makes no difference, but is interesting nonetheless.

***

The most difficult aspect of guitar/bass assembly is proper bridge routing.

The bridge you see above is the most basic, no-frills, stripped down bass bridge that exists.  The bridge is fixed to the body, and strings are either sent through the back of the bridge, or through the body then through the bridge.  This example features four spokes with adjustable ferrules allowing you to tweak the height and intonation of your instrument.

Regardless of bridge design, the reason it’s so difficult to route the bridge is because you’re drilling into the body without any reference to where the strings are.  Say you’re 1 degree off on the low side...well, that high G-string is going to be sitting off of the fretboard on the higher frets.

It has to be precise.  Fortunately, with today’s technology (and experienced builders), if you’re building a Fender-style instrument, this stuff is pre-routed and all you have to do is screw on the bridge.  And of the variety of suppliers out there, obviously there’s more risk of poor routing by going with the cheaper manufacturers (especially the Chinese).

But all the American ones are solid and will fix anything fucked up.  Japanese and Canadian manufacturers are just as good.

***

You might notice that some of these have BADASS written on them.

They were not badass.  But guys bought them in droves anyways...partially because of questionable “high mass bridge” marketing, and partially because they say BADASS on them.  The biggest difference you’ll notice between these and the bridge on the Fender in the previous section, is that the strings on the Fender simply sat in a groove on top of that little ferrule instead of in a locking mechanism.

With the old bridges, tension does the rest, keeping the string in that groove.  Really, there’s not much more you need from your bridge than a solid, reliable fixing to your instrument’s body so that everything stays in tune.  Anything else is just pure bullshit.

These Badass bridges were marketed saying they improve note quality, intonation, tuning and sustain.  To each of the first three points...no, no, no.  To sustain...do you know how much sustain matters to a bassist?  ZEEEEEEEEERO.

High mass bridges are a reminder of an unfortunate time in American instrument design.  But, mainly, I didn’t go with one because they’re ugly.

***

To sum up today’s post as simply as possible...I got vintage Fender stuff.

Also, while Fender’s fuckery with their bass headstocks was aesthetically bad, it’s nowhere near as bad as what they did with their guitars.

#music #fender #precision bass #bass #spencer's precision bass project

[parachutingkitten]

Season 1 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challanged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Mood for this season: Logic? Nahh...

I'm taking three film classes right now, I only rip it apart because I love it! (Sry, if I seem a little overly critical at times)

So, let's start with some background (you get to learn about me, yay! This is what you came here for. Right?). When the original series (seasons 1 and 2) came out in 2012, my little brother, at the age of six, was THE target audience for lego ninjas that you could battle and spin really really fast. I... am five years older than him. He collected sets, and he even bought me a spinner pack with the "girl character", the "blue one", and one of the skeletons so that I could play with him. To this day they are the only legos I own, but they sit in an altoids tin in my night stand. It was right before our family moved to Germany (we're a military family btw) that our parents purchased the disk episodes of seasons one and two. When you live in Europe, you tend to want to do a LOT of traveling. Every weekend, I kid you not, we went to another country. Which means road trips. And road trips mean movies. I would always let my brother choose what we watched, because he was the one who would get fussy and upset, so we watched a lot of Kung Fu Panda, and Madagascar, and a LOT of Cars (as in plural movies. I quote Cars 2, regularly), but the thing we watched most often was those niniago DVDs. Because you could just auto play those episodes one after another for a seemingly endless movie that would last until you arrived. So, I've seen these episodes a few times. Like, A LOT of times. Drilling these episodes into my mind over and over is what made me obsessed with it later (but we'll talk about that when we get to season 3).

Upon rewatching... they are exactly as I remember. There were no real surprises, so I don't feel like I have too much to say shock value wise, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say.

Plot

I've made a joke post about this before, but season one does fall into the treasure hunt formula. Find a fang blade. Lose it. Look for next one. Repeat for the next few episodes. Same thing can be said for the true potential. Find what holds them back emotionally, overcome it by the end of the episode to save the person/people you needed to fix your relationship with, glowing orb/pillar to make you certifiably awesome. For four. Episodes. Straight. Even if you space out the episodes where the ninja get their true potential, or when they find the fang blades, it would keep you on your toes a bit more. This being said... it does greatly help to give every episode a PLOT purpose. Every one of those "previously on ninjago" recaps was shoving a bunch of stuff in there. Most ninjago episodes do serve a purpose (except of course the atrocity that is the first half of season two - we WILL get to that next time) at least character development wise, but it is nice to have meaningful plot development too and keep a consistent pace throughout the season. This season certainly keeps up the pace. There is not an episode you can just miss. Even with the recap, you would still probably be confused. One thing that NO OTHER SEASON has over this one, hands down (aside from season 9 maybe, idk yet) is flow from season to season. Planning benefits this season GREATLY. It carries over things from the pilot, and sets up more to come in the next season. Watch them all together and it flows more naturally than any other season bookends. (Although I will say all the ninjago season transitions are smoother than any of Chima's [I will not touch that rabbit hole EVER again])

Characters

Character interaction is AMAZING this season. You really get to know the characters and feel all their growth equally. Every. One. Of. Them.

Think about it, Wu has an arc with his brother, Lloyd has an arc with the green ninja, Nya has an arc as samurai x, and it goes without saying that all of our regulars have an arc. And... that's about it. Those are all the characters. And I think that's why this season works so well.

You have four main characters, a handful of side characters, and they all get time and focus. Everyone has something to do during this season. As the season's go on and we accumulate more and more characters there's less screentime to go around, and the characters can suffer for it. There's a reason by season 6 they were literally REMOVING characters from the show. They don't have time to get distracted by Kai and his petty problems and drama this season, cuz Jay needs some focus for once, and we'd like to give him a little development gosh darn it! But I'm getting ahead of myself. This season works really well. Just because I feel like I should, I'm going to give you a breakdown on my feelings on new characters as they pop up or change dramatically, and because this is the first season, that means we get to do it for... all the characters! So here we go.

Nya

She's good this season. She's the most responsible in the group. The samurai x reveal was handled really well. Making all the ninja jealous of her really worked to give her credibility. She's just the right amount of strong and independent while still retaining her femininity. It goes WAY down hill when season 3 hits, but as for season 1 Nya I actually really enjoy her.

Wu

I mean... what are you going to say? He's Wu? Anyone have a problem with Wu? No? Good, moving on.

Kai

So... this is where my bias comes out. Quick piece of info, my elemental personality is water... so like the opposite of fire. I see a little bit of myself in each of the ninja... except Kai. And I think that's why he's my least favorite. Don't get me wrong! I don't hate Kai or anything! He's got some good lines (episode 5 comes to mind) he's adorkable enough. It's not hard to play or to write a hot head, but it's hard to play or write a hot head that I personally enjoy. I think what Kai is missing for me personally is the tripping over himself because of his attitude, and sarcasm. Sarcasm and sass. It's there, it's just not as prevalent as I personally would like it. He has a lot of opportunities and theoretical development, I'm not sure too many of them were taken advantage of fully, or maybe they just didn't read the way I personally can grasp it, but none of it felt very completed or meaningful. Like I said, I'm a water gal, so maybe I just can't relate and that's why it's not as powerful. I'd be interested to see your rankings of the ninja and how they line up with your own elemental personality. There's got to be a correlation there, right?

Conclusion, just not for me

Cole

Cole and Jay are tied for second favorite in general. It fluctuates from season to season depending on what's going on, but for season 1 Jay has Cole beat. I think the only reason just being screen time. Goodness knows Cole has been a bit neglected in that category, but hey. He's still really good for what he's got. I think in real life I probably act the most like Cole. I try to be serious, responsible and a leader and then I just get goofy sometimes. I love his true potential episode! It's funny, and heartwarming, and the only episode actually about him, so it's fun to see!

Conclusion, just needs more love

Jay

Jay is then, my second favorite for the season. He's funny. What else can I say? Personal opinion; Jay freakouts are the best this season. Especially at the climax. He just has that pure goofball-ness to him this season that makes his humor not annoying and actually relatable and funny. I also love his family to death! He loves them, he knows it, we know it, and the interactions between them are precious! It really is the way he plays off of other people that makes him enjoyable. He has a lot more dry humor here than other season, which I am partial to. I've got some kinks to work out with this one in later seasons but for now, he's good.

Conclusion, No, I'm the real Jay!

Zane

...My baby! Especially this season he is so innocent, loving, caring, and mysterious that I can't help but love the heck out of this guy! I am a sucker for a good mystery! He has this whole other world he's a part of with his "sixth sense" and falcon and running away at night. It's unique and special to him and it's really cool! Plus, there is SO much ATMOPHERE that comes with this guy and MAN I LOVE it! It's all just so beautiful. I love interactions between him and Jay, I love his mutual respect with Cole, I love EVERYTHING. This season and the next have the most growth for him, and it shows.

Conclusion, there's a reason we call him the pure one

Romance

Kinda adding this one last minute, but I think it needs to be here. All we got this season is Jay and Nya but BOY has their relationship changed! This is the single one thing that caught me off guard. I forgot what their relationship, especially before Jay's true potential, is like. Honestly, I love it! They're so awkward and clumsy around each other at first, and then grow into this understanding couple of one another. There's not too much emphasis on it, but it's sprinkled in everywhere. I like it! Maya approved!

Villians

The devourer arc is one of my favorites. Maybe it's the nostalgia tingles at work again, but the snakes are ninjago's quintessential villains. Nothing can ever hope to replace them. It feels natural in the plot, they have their own culture and beliefs, and their motivation makes sense. You have your legitimately scary villains and bumbling comic villians in perfect balance. Scales starting as second in command was an amazing call. It proves he has power he's earned, is not easily put down and sets up his lust for power to be explored later. Pythor. Oh man oh man Pythor. I am a sucker for ATMOSPHERE and his introduction is BEAUTIFUL. Utilizes the rule of 3s and completely subverts your expectations with that eerie empty tomb. I love it! So manipulative! So sly! They aren't my all time favorite villians, but they're certainly among the best the show has to offer.

Garmadon is also there. He's half good half bad... sorta. Idk. He's not especially interesting, at least compared to the snakes and what they're up to. Let's be honest, he's just waiting around to get awesome in season 2 ;) I do like when he comes in with all the skeletons like, "yeah, no one likes you. Screw snakes!" Only to walk that COMPLETELY back next season, but you know. Whatever.

Lloyd... should I put him here? He's enjoyably annoying for a little bit... and then just annoyingly annoying. It's not too bad. He has some redeeming moments. Once he's the green ninja and has some responsibility on his shoulders, he gets a lot better.

Climax

... I love it. I don't know what else to say. It's tense, it has proper build up, the threat is real, they get desperate, they come up with a creative solution, they work together, there are stakes, there's good action, good drama, good humor. I don't have any complaints. I can't touch this one. There are minor things, but I don't think they're worth bringing up. Go watch it. It's freaking awesome. Enough said.

Humor

Pretty good this season. There are a few eye roll lines, but that's in all the seasons. Things can get kinda stupid, but for the most part, especially some of the more subtle humor really works.

Favorite line of the season, Cole's "I don't like metaphors" episode 11 - All of Nothing. You're welcome.

Drama

Not overly saturated this season, which is kinda nice. I mean, there's always "drama" but as far as heavy stuff, we have Zane's whole crisis thing, and then the Garmadon family reunion. I'll get to how I feel about the Zane stuff down below. As for the Garmadon stuff... it's fine. Gets a lot better next season, but for now... fine.

Spotlight Episode

So for every season I'll choose one episode that stood out to me to either praise or criticize in detail. There are a lot of episodes that come to mind for season 1 for one reason or another. The one about the power of rumors (also known as the pink ninja episode), lloyd rescuing the team, Cole's true potential is a classic episode with a good mix of heart and comedy, and of course THE FINALE, but because I am biased, and because I am a sucker for personal drama, season one's spotlight episode is episode 7, Tick tock, Zane's true potential. This was by far the episode me and my brother watched together the most. Aside from the movie Cars, it's probably the one piece of media we have scene the most times together. The episode begins by establishing Wu leaving, the ninja are at a loss of what to do and then... THE FALCON. Best character this season! XD seriously, the falcon theme is one of, if not my favorite piece of music in the show. Certainly the most memorable. And most importantly it kicks in the ATMOSPHERE! Have I mentioned ATMOSPHERE?

ATMOSPHERE

I am a sucker for some good ATMOSPHERE (no, I will not stop spelling it in all caps), and BOY the falcon chase scene! Zane is slowly taken away from his team members in order to reflect upon himself, and as he runs through the snow by himself to follow this bird you can see his determination, curiosity, desperation, and just that Zane factor that makes you go "awww, my child! He must be protected!" (Even though, you know, he was built to protect and all that) but just AGHH! I can't put into words for beautiful this whole sequences is! Go watch it right now! Look at that beautiful Zane! Listen to that music! That FREAKING MUSIC AGGHHHHHH! I LOVE IT SO AGGRESSIVELY! LISTEN TO IT! LIKE SERIOUSLY, LISTEN, HERE'S THE LINK!

https://youtu.be/2p07cgwwYws

It makes my heart SO happy! Idk if I'm the only one who feels that way about this scene but oh... oh how it gets me. Every. Time. Michael Kramer and Jay Vincent are freAKING GODS!

Okay. I'm done with the falcon chase. Now onto, like... the part of the episode people care about. The tree house, again, an amazing location. Unique, and mysterious, and as soon as he walks in, you just get this sense of memory. The flash back is ADORABLE and the others finding him... I think this was handled pretty well. Their reactions seem genuine (I mean, I would want to get out of there as soon as humanly possible too XD) and you can feel the genuine concern from all of the ninja, trying to help their buddy out in their own ways.

Zane's true potential feels really earned, and his thing that holds him back was established as soon as the series began. He was different and weird and he didn't know where he came from. Coming to accept what he is, accepting his past and finding an identity of his own is what gives him the power to unlock it.

Now, just for fun and because I know I'm going to hear it in the comments like "why is Zane's discovery of identity more valid than anyone else's? What about Kai! His true potential is entirely based on finding his purpose!" And yes. Theoretical commentor you make a valid point, but I think the key difference is in the identity they find when they unlock it.

Zane accepts his personality, his past, and his robotic nature as himself and can be proud of who he is as his own person. The thing that held him back was vague and sort of indefinable, and what he became afterwards was concrete, solid, and dependable. That's why you feel like the character has gotten stronger.

Kai goes in the opposite direction. The thing that holds him back is that he wants to be the green ninja. That's solid and concrete. The problem then becomes that you know exactly how the potential will play out. He's going to face something, discover he's not the green ninja, and come to terms with it. And his ending identity is much more vague. His purpose is to protect the green ninja... okay, what does that mean? What kind of a person does that make you? He didn't change as a person, his views about a certain topic where changed. Those are two very different levels of progress.

And I know you can argue that it wasn't the green ninja thing he needed to get past, he needed to get past his pride and all that, but even if you make that argument that conclusion is harder to reach and less apparent than Zane's progress as a character. Zane's progress is entirely centered on him. Kai's progress will never be separated from Lloyd. Just watch the episode. It feels like a Lloyd episode. I remember thinking the first time I watched it when he came out of the volcano "wait... what was his true potential? Why is this happening?"

Anyway, that's my little soap box rant. I hope I didn't offend too many Kai fans. Again, it's probably just my water bias coming into play. I know there's a frame work in place for development of all these characters, and every single one of them gets an arc and theoretically everything should work out and make sense and work beautifully and perfectly, but sometimes when you step back and look at it, it's just a matter of "but does it work?" And maybe it's a matter of opinion, but Kai's potential didn't work for me.

I've been on this way to long. I'm stopping now.

Misc

I really like the suits this season. They're all unique and the masks... compliment the Lego head shape nicely? Does that make sense? It makes them look a bit cuter. Anyone else see that? Idk, maybe I'm just going crazy.

Watch this season thinking about how the snakes become good in season 3...

I want more of the Pink ninja.

I love scales and his slight incompetence. Not total, just slight.

This exchange:

Pythor: I hardly have any friends

Lloyd: Woah! I hardly have any friends too!

Pythor: You don't say!

All together I really like this season. Light hearted, funny, good action and characters. Not super compelling or anything, but it doesn't need to be. Second best season for nostalgia tingles in general, third best for me personally. Most of this is a matter of opinion, so don't fret too much over anything I say. I'd love to see your thoughts/rankings/comments/disagreements in the notes! That's the point of this thing!

If there are any aspects of the season I skipped, let me know, I'm not perfect.

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far... I don't know. Work the word saxophone into your comment. Bonus points if it makes sense!

-Maya (a.k.a. parachutingkitten)

#ninjago #ninjago season one #rise of the snakes #analysis #parachuterants