#it's just that it feels me with unfathomable sadness the thought that there's people living there

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

gotta give it to omar for shooting the lyric video of his single in guadalajara. go give that desolate wasteland its spotlight <3

#vivitalksot #for all intensive purposes this is a joke #i'm sure there's great things about guadalajara #i've seen pics from the black towns and they look pretty cool #it's just that it feels me with unfathomable sadness the thought that there's people living there #omar samba our bravest guadalajarian (?) soldier

[nanamikentoseyebags]

i'm nightcrawling to you

how come that every night he finds himself at your doorstep? why do all the ways lead him to you? how is it that in the pounding heart of this bustling metropolis, you are the only person he can come to?

pairing: satoru gojo x gn!reader

content: extremely satoru-centric, hurt/comfort, just satoru turning up at your door every night in an attempt to feel something again

a/n: i love him so much i need to get inside his head and sweep all the bad thoughts out :(

At night Tokyo is mired in the noise of cars, loud voices of people who fill its streets at this late hour and argue about their trivial, insignificant problems, irrelevant to what is now happening in the heart of this metropolis. The city is suffocating in smog and soot, writhing, riddled with road lines, silently crying out for help, flashing muffled blueberry-colored store signs that are scattered across the map like sores on the body of a sick man. People rush home, causing it to itch and make it squirm. The city waits. It waits for all the commotion to die down, for the streets to sink into darkness and emptiness, for only then can it breathe. One more hour and...

A frantic inhale.

The multicolored night lights, the countless illuminations, a myriad of car headlights fade, melt into a kind of haze, like under a misty veil, and again as if from the depths of a deep blue ocean, emerges a mass of thousands of people, who believe that this place is the root of all their misfortunes. They move swiftly toward their dwellings, cursing their jobs that leave them unsatisfied and exhausted, but which allow them to live a relatively normal life. Need to last another hour…

A frustrated exhale.

The eerie shadows cast by the houses and the feet of the passersby slowly turn into a lingering inky darkness of the night that swallows up the entire city. The last person stranded on the road crosses the threshold of their house, closing the door behind them with a rattling thud. The motley signs, once pulsating in the center of the city, darken, revealing the faint glow of stars floating in the sky. The golden iridescence of random car headlights no longer makes it squint. The tired city takes that much-needed greedy breath of air...

A sharp inhale.

The harsh chilly air burns Satoru Gojo's lungs, as he slowly strides through the now empty streets of the weary city. His hands, stuffed into the pockets of his black jacket, involuntarily clench into fists in an attempt to warm his freezing fingertips. He shivers, pressing his head into his shoulders, trying to hide from the piercing wind that so mercilessly ruffles and tangles his snow-white hair and uneasy thoughts. Left all alone, he muses with a slight melancholy about his fate, written by someone's ruthless hand in the book of life…

An exhausted exhale.

"So strange," he thinks to himself, looking with unfathomable sadness at the soft inviting light coming from the windows of the little apartments in these big anthills of the concrete jungle, "in all my life I've never had a place I could call home. Where am I going? Where are my feet leading me? Is someone waiting for me?" A sad smile appears on his face as memories, like the pages of an album, begin to turn over in his head. Moments when he lost his home in the form of his best friend. Moments when he found it again in the form of his students. The moments when you helped him rebuild it from the scratch, replacing the burned out pieces with the solid foundation of your care. Moments when, for fear of destroying everything, he left again, leaving you there, safe, because with him coming, the chances of losing everything in an instant seemed to be infinite...

A sorrowful inhale.

Light slanting rain begins to fall from the dense clouds floating in the sky, beating on the curtained windows and blanketing the shivering city like a thin cloth of invisible threads with pearls dangling on them. Satoru let the occasional drop land first on his disheveled hair, and then drip in small trickles from his glasses, covering his already frozen face with chilling moisture. He does not turn on his infinity, allowing himself that rare weakness of feeling human. Heavy droplets come down from the roofs, drumming on the iron awnings, water grumbling angrily in the rusted gutters. Wet, gloomy houses stare at the lonely and lost man with their weeping windows.

…

A new gust of wind whips another batch of memories into his face, the irrepressible longing reverberating in his heart when he thinks about them for too long. The scraps of conversation brought by the raging weather play a faint melody in his ears. Satoru chuckles bitterly, as if right now he can hear the students calling him a bizarre, annoying, lanky sensei, who used to insert his ridiculous comments here and there. He never takes offense; on the contrary, he does everything he can to be one, the odd teacher who would do anything to make his students' youth look like the spring of their lives. Even though it makes him seem like the biggest fool on the planet. Somewhere within himself, he hopes they'll never have to find out how utterly tattered his soul is. And now, convinced that all of his students were sleeping soundly, he goes outside in an effort to find the way to his own sanctuary.

…

The weeping sky brushes away the leaden clouds from its blanket as if they keep preventing it from observing the unfolding of a story that has long been written. With a sinking heart, soaked to the skin and chilled to the bone, Satoru Gojo reaches for your door, stopping for a moment, unsure whether you should be bothered at this late hour. At the last moment, allowing himself to be a little selfish, he makes a few quiet knocks on the door and awkwardly hides his hands behind his back. For a few seconds, nothing happens. He heeds, not knowing for sure what he's hoping for: that you've been asleep for a long time and won't catch him in this miserable state, or that you were waiting for him after all, feeling this strange connection between the two of you. Suddenly the door swings open, revealing your small figure. The bright light emanating from your apartment on this dark night does not dazzle him, but rather cradles him with its invisible hands, trying to give him its warmth. The smell of homemade food fills his nose, beckoning him to peak in. Satoru stands motionless, looking at you with a fluttering heart. So familiar, so homely, with a smile stepping away from the door, inviting him to go inside. And he thinks, "It's so strange, in all my life I haven't had a place I could call home, it seems... it's always been here."

A relieved exhale.

thank you so much for reading! comments and reblogs are very appreciated <3

tags: @shamelessperfectionhideout @margumis @vagabond-umlaut @4sat0ruu @a-nuisance-called-sam @strawberrystepmom @rossithepixie @suckonlimes @jazminetoad @nikokopuffs 💛

art and dividers aren't mine <3

#gojo satoru #jjk gojo #satoru gojo #jjk satoru #satoru gojou #gojou satoru x you #gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojo imagine

[celaenaeiln]

I always love how heros only kill if there really is no other options. Even then, their deeply disturbed or torn up about it. Killing is easy. But seeing a criminal as a person at the end of the day is much harder. It takes an unfathomable amount of strength to keep this going. It won't always work and it's not easy. But there's a difference between right and easy.

Oh me too!!

Anon you have no idea how much I’ve thought about this over the past five years and come to the same conclusion every time.

There are two reasons why I like that heroes only kill as an extreme necessity.

The first is what you said. It's extremely difficult to be able to control yourself in the face of repulsiveness. Some I do believe are irredeemable but many characters are not worth killing. Because there's a lot that goes into killing. It's not just about moral ethics for me, it's also about how that impacts society. I don't know if you've seen the show "The Boys", but it's about heroes who kill. Originally they kill criminals but at some point their anger and frustration bleeds over and they start killing innocents. The repercussions on society were massive. There was a significant loss of trust and hatred and fear going on. Ordinary people like the main character and the rebel side were dragged into a world and fighting that perpetuated fear and bloodshed until everything became irreversible. It's a terrifying world I would absolutely not want to live in. In the previously posted comic Batman says:

He's not saying this lightly. In a world where killing criminals is done and seen as common place by the people, what's stopping the people from following their hero's actions? Nothing is ever contained on the internet and nothing is ever done in moderation. It's like watching your favorite superhero blast a bad guy's head off on TV and turning around to seeing your mom blast your dad's head off with a gun over an argument about going to the movies. The violence is commonplace, after all. It takes an incredible amount of willpower, far more than anyone gives credit for, to look at someone who hurt you and walk away.

The canon version of this argument and why Bruce should never kill the Joker is proved in the comic, "The Batman Who Laughs." I was terrified for Damian when he encountered that universe.

The second reason I love the no-killing rule- and it's a little more twisted- is because I love self-control.

Not just as a person who tries to practice it in their life but there’s just something so exciting about a character who fights with control.

Having someone run free is super fun to read but having someone who never breaks the line, edge so dangerously close to it, but never kill? Oh the feeling is delicious. You're left pondering-what is it? What will it take? What will cause you to break?

Ironic. I know. But you can't tell me you were never curious about their limits.

Aside from that excitement, I love how the villains are reusable. They may be your worst enemy on a tuesday but on a thursday they're dragging your broken body out of a ditch to go fight the bad guy who got on their nerves.

It's like the idiom- better the devil you know than the devil you don't. Sometimes, no matter how horrible their actions were in the past, they're keeping a larger threat at bay. For example Blockbuster and Heartless. Bane, William Cobb, Lex Luthor, Freeze, Black Manta, and Sinestro in Forever Evil. The Riddler. And when Bruce was dead/lost in time the Joker was straight up like "damn bro I'm so sad I think I'm gonna turn good" which actually sort of saved all of Gotham from that bat cult that nearly killed them. Sort of. He bailed halfway but props to him for the first half.

Also the villains in the comics are terrible people but they're good characters. Like these characters are so well-developed. You'll hate them but you'll never fully hate them because they're funny and mean and deep down, you'll never admit it but they have a small teeny, tiny point.

A couple of my favorite villain scenes:

The Riddler (Batman #699)

Joker (Batman and Robin #22)

Joker

Victor Zsaz in his undies swearing revenge on another villain. Damian and Dick in the photo

Dick bashing up Slade in Damian's body

Damian, Harvey, and Dick

#self-control is much harder than killing #just because you can doesn't mean you should #because you can't control the consequences or yourself #dc villains #dick grayson #the riddler #edward nygma #the joker #damian wayne #robin #harvey dent #two face #victor zsasz #dickbats #bruce wayne #batman #cl anon asks

[marvelbeingmarvelous]

Loki Season 2 Ending Thoughts Aka Immediate Reaction and Midnight Ramblings

OKAY BUT LIKE YOU GUYS

I ACTUALLY FINALLY GOT AROUND TO WATCHING LOKI SEASON 2 AND FRICKIN LOVED THE LAST 2 EPS SO MUCH????

LOKI FINALLY GETTING TO BE THE POWERFUL HERO WE ALL KNEW HE COULD BE IN AN EPICALLY UNFORGETTABLE FASHION OF UNFATHOMABLE MAGNITUDE? (and cough actually be the main character in his own show this time around?)

THE BEAUTY? THE TRAGEDY? THE LITERAL AND MOST UNIRONIC MANIFESTATION OF HIS ICONIC “BURDENED WITH GLORIOUS PURPOSE” LINE?

The score? The costume design? The fulfilling emotional devastation?

Like I 100% get people being sad/mad about Loki ending up alone on a throne he never wanted but like…Loki was always a tragic character. Iirc Tom has likened Thor 1 to a space opera/tragedy particularly in regards to Loki’s character, but this does him infinitely better than falling into a void, alone, misunderstood, friendless.

This time he doesn’t let go because he has no purpose—he chooses to walk forward to meet his fate because he’s found it. Both purpose, and friends, and love, even understanding, and dang if that don’t just sit so right with me. I thought it was a beautiful ending that did him much more justice than the last ditch hopeless kind of what-were-you-even-thinking-would-happen sacrifice/death in Infinity War. We actually get to see the fruits of his character development in what immediately became the coolest scene in recent Marvel history.

Sue me, but I love the tragedy and angst of it all. The sacrifice. The love and friendship he found and was willing to give up—and the thing is you guys, he found it. That’s not something we ever thought we’d get to see, not after Thor 1, nor after Thor 2, nor 3, certainly not after Avengers and obviously not after Infinity War.

I still think season 1 of Loki just…was not doing a great job understanding his character, but heck if season 2 didn’t come in clutch and amend some of that.

Can we also talk about how much I love time travel? How much I adore time loops? How dang good one looked on Loki? I go absolutely feral for a time looper knowing absolutely everything because they’ve lived through it a million times.

AND THAT ENDING

LIKE Y’ALL

I have too many thoughts and feelings about this much like UGH YOU GUYS this was such an improvement over season 1 you don’t even know and high key I’d be fine if this is where they left Loki’s character for good and was our final goodbye. He’s legit the most powerful character in the MCU to date now, 1000% lived up to his god of chaos name while even being a hero doing it, giving everyone free will and all variants a chance to live as they choose and sacrificing himself to make sure they have a choice and yes it’s tragic but it’s also beautiful and gosh darn it that character arc that ending Loki finally figuring out what he wants after having had it and then giving it all up for the sake of everyone else—AAAA YOU GUYS ITS SO GOOD

#loki season 2 finale #loki season 2 #loki meta #loki tv series #loki #marvel #mcu #loki tv show

[saddleseatollie]

***spoilers for the end of the good place despite this being a bg3 post***

i've seen a few people mention and have myself been thinking about the way astarion describes how very long the 200 years he was a spawn felt. i always thought it was a bit odd the way he talks about the time despite ~250 years (including the 40-something years prior to turning) not even being a full third of an elf's life span (~900 years). but then i remembered the finale of the good place.

in the finale of the good place, the main characters finally make their way to the actual good place, where they discover that everyone there is practically catatonic because they've been given everything they could ever want and experienced everything they ever wished to experience and now have nothing to look forward to. it's not until they're given the ability to end their afterlives that afterlife becomes worth afterliving (?) again.

hear me out because i promise it connects.

as a vampire spawn, astarion has "eternal life". he won't age or get sick or die from any natural causes. if he stays out of trouble, he could live literally forever. eternal life, even if he were free, would be a daunting reality. forever is an unfathomable amount of time. those 200 years probably felt like a small eternity not just because he lived them in complete an utter torment, but because it's only the tiniest fraction of the life he would have to continue to live. so even to someone with an elf's perspective of time, someone who had from the beginning of his life expected to live far longer than just 2 centuries, 200 years would feel like forever because there would be nothing more to look forward to. there's obviously a lot more to it than that, but these are just (some) of my thoughts on the matter.

to put it in the words of the incredible eleanor shellstrop herself:

"every human is a little bit sad all the time because you know you're going to die. but that knowledge is what gives life meaning"

#do i still need to tag spoilers for a show that ended nearly 4 years ago? #bg3 #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 origins character

[brineffxiv]

Nice place you've got here, shame if some Final Days were to happen to it.

Emet-Selch uninvites me from the group. They are having a Serious Business meeting, you see, and the collar bell I insist on wearing detracts from the atmosphere.

In all seriousness, he's being quite sensible. I am a strange something that has appeared from nowhere and seems to possess a piece of the soul of his good friend, who, from all I've heard, happens to be chaos incarnate. Emet is powerful enough that he's got no reason to fear me, but he knows I'm up to something. And that something will probably be trouble for him. Though, I imagine he expects shenanigans, not the end of the world.

Hermes wants me to stay, he trusts me because Meteion trusts me. And he's afraid he'll lose his composure without a third party present. Oh dear. I wonder what he expects they're going to talk about?

(Psst! Hey, Meteion! You're allowed to sit down, there's extra chairs!)

Ah. It seems I have arrived in the past during the event in which Hermes joined the Convocation as Fandaniel. The previous Fandaniel is stepping down and has nominated his friend to be his successor. The Convocation is giving this nomination due consideration, and Emet-Selch, as someone who does not know Hermes personally, is here to give his impartial assessment.

Hermes claims to be honored to have been nominated, but he is visibly distressed to know the why of it...?

Ah... I thought so. It's a euphemism. I thought I remembered a similar phrase... either from earlier in the game or from one of the stories.

Hythlodaeus' explanation of returning to the star sounds so lovely. Imagining a world where death is planned, and only occurs when you feel you have reached fulfillment. Voluntarily. To see such a choice as a privilege and an honor, a celebration of a life well lived. That truly is beautiful.

Perhaps, "Return to the Star" isn't so much a euphemism as it is... an elaboration? After all, they know what happens when they die, Hythlodaeus can see it himself.

At the same time... I find it difficult to shake the memory of what will happen to them. To everyone. For half their people, Hythlodaeus included, there will be no return to the star. Not for an unfathomably long time. Death will acquire a new meaning.

Again I am impressed by the selflessness and dedication with which the Ascians... no. The Convocation. With which the Convocation treat their duties. And, Emet-Selch at least seems glad for it. I imagine he is a good leader for his people.

I can understand why you're sad, Hermes. The current Fandaniel is a friend and, it sounds like, a former mentor to you. It's alright to be upset, and to mourn.

That said, it's not your place to choose the boundaries of someone else's life. You are seeing only the loss, when it sounds like your friend likely sees death as his reward at the end of a long and fruitful life. You don't get to take that from him, just so that he can provide more.

But I don't know if what you're saying is actually what you're feeling. I wonder if you might be having a problem grappling with the topic of death itself. It seems to be culturally a positive thing, but you clearly have negative feelings regarding it...

Hermes being upset has made Meteion upset, and he asks me to take her outside for a change of scenery.

The bird returns!?!?

Or, since this is the past... the bird debuts??

Meteion says she hasn't seen this bird before. Suspicious! I think this is humorous as opposed to plot relevant, but only time will tell...

Regardless, Meteion wants to show me her power, and is going to demonstrate on the shoebill. But she can't for some reason, so she tries on me instead.

That's neat! It's sort of like how the Echo works to help me understand all languages? I wonder if it's the same principle.

Meteion struggles to speak aloud because of her abilities, it sounds like it's the overabundance of stimuli that she's taking in that causes it? That's fascinating, it is sort-of like a neurodivergence.

Meteion likes me because I have things in common with her? "Us"? With familiars? Or, with her and Hermes? Hmm...

She promises not to use her abilities to read my mind, which is a relief, because OH DEAR there are some things in my head that this sweet little bird shouldn't have to know.

I will totally be your friend, Meteion. You can be my bestie right alongside Zenos....

WHAT!? Hermes, how could you?! Eating good food is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Meteion and I return to the rest of our little group. Hermes has requested time to consider the Convocation's invitation (much to Emet-Selch's displeasure) so we are going to observe him doing his job around Elpis. How fun!

.

.

.

I FOUND THE LESBIANS!!!

#ffxiv liveblog #rhesh'a tag #emet-selch #hythlodaeus #hermes #fandaniel #meteion #baseless speculation

[astridhoff03]

Toeghter from Afar

Bonus Story to the Epilouge. Hope you enjoy it, Guys☺️🫶🏻

A carpet of hundreds of stars sprinkled the onyx-colored night sky over New Berk in all its silvery beauty. The village had gradually become quiet except for the Haddocks' residence where there was an after party after an extensive party in the Great Hall with the family introducing their youngest member to the people. To celebrate the evening, Astrid's father had made his famous tuna rolls with a bowl of salad, which he now served on the terrace of the house. “Who wants a roll?” he asked his son-in-law, who was sitting opposite his friends Snotlout, Fishlegs and Tuffnut. Hiccup smiled kindly at his tall father-in-law and took a roll from the tray. “Say, how do you pronounce your little one’s name again?” Snotlout asked with a raised eyebrow as he grabbed three rolls from Magnus’ tray. "Fey-rah," Hiccup repeated for the hundred thousandth time tonight. Tuffnut grinned amusedly over at Fishlegs as he petted his chicken. “Speaking of Feyre, dear Mr. Ingermann still owes me ten galleons.” Fishlegs rolled his eyes in annoyance and handed Tuff the money, which he immediately counted happily. “You bet what name our baby will have?” Astrid, who was sitting next to Hiccup with her little daughter in her arms, interrupted. Ruffnut, who was playing with the fingers of her most beloved Throk, who was in the middle of a conversation with Mala and Dagur, shrugged her shoulders with a large mug of beer in her hand. “We’ve been doing it since the first one.” Astrid and Hiccup looked at each other in shock, then they could only smile. Hiccup lovingly placed his hand on his wife's thigh, a smile playing on her lips as he touched the soft skin of her cheek with his delicate lips. Astrid placed her hand over Hiccup's and squeezed it tightly. The little baby in her arms reached out to reach out to her father. “Well little mouse, do you want to go to your daddy?” Little Feyre chuckled as her mother passed her into her father's arms, who rocked her gently in his arms and gave her a little kiss on the forehead. Suddenly Zephyr and Nuffink, who had just been playing with Dagur and Mala's children, came running and ran into their parents' arms, while the two of them let the little toy dragon figures slide over their little sister again. “Here comes the Flightmare,” Nuffink announced. “Look Feyre, how beautifully blue he is.” “And here comes the Hideous Zippelback, he has two heads, one spews gas and the other ignites it with sparks,” Zephyr explained to her little sister while she let the figure dance in the air. From the corner of their eyes, Hiccup and Astrid saw Ruff and Tuff exchanging cheeky but sad grins. "Long live Barf and Belch." Astrid leaned on Hiccup's shoulder, watching her children interact with each other and her numerous friends chatting with each other. She enjoyed the gentle caresses Hiccup gave her back as she watched the steady movements of the flames. Still, she had the feeling that something was missing, that someone specific was missing.

After an hour the afterparty was over. Hiccup and Astrid had put Zephyr and Nuffink to bed and had retreated to their room with little Feyre. Little Feyre was nuzzling her mother's nipple when Hiccup came out of the bathroom next door, his hair wet and only a towel wrapped around his waist. He put on a pair of long, loose trousers before he went to Astrid, gave her a kiss on the forehead and then took her little daughter, who had fallen asleep on her mother's bosom. He gently stroked her back while holding her to his bare chest. Astrid, who was holding his hand, looked up at him and smiled. She watched as Hiccup rocked her little daughter back and forth in his arms, constantly kissing her on her head and on her cheeks, and whispering to her. Astrid got out of bed, everything felt so perfect, but still an unfathomable emptiness spread in her heart that she hadn't felt in several years. Lost in thought, she strolled around the room, looking up at the map of the barbaric archipelago. Her fingers glided over the small wooden figures that represented Stormfly and Toothless. Stormfly. Astrid's heart became heavy at the thought that her beloved dragon could not be with her on this special day. She missed the Nadder's friendly nature so much, her playfulness, the morning flights, training together... She opened the large window to the balcony, a warm breeze ran through her hair and stirred up some strands that fell onto her face. She only noticed in passing how Hiccup put Feyre in her crib before putting on a shirt. Her gaze was focused solely on the endless starry sky. She jumped for a brief moment as Hiccup put his arm around her, holding her tightly to him. "You miss her, don't you?" Astrid nodded, tears soaking her vision as she finally let them flow. Hiccup gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I know how you feel, Honey, I miss Toothless terribly too. But don't worry, they'll be fine." Astrid nodded weakly, tried to blink away the tears, but they kept coming. "It is good. Let it all out,” Hiccup whispered to her. Astrid looked out to the sea, towards the hidden world that lay hidden far out in the endless expanse of the ocean. And she wondered if she missed Stormfly as much as she missed her. She couldn't have known that Stormfly, who was flying over a lake in the hidden world with her three children, but kept glancing towards the entrance, was wondering exactly the same thing. Even though it hurt both of their hearts, they knew that they were connected to each other forever. Even if they were separated by endless miles.

#httyd fanfiction #httyd3 #httyd 3 #the hidden world #how to train your dragon the hidden world #how to train you dragon: the hidden world #hiccup haddock #hiccstrid #astrid haddock #httyd homecoming #astrid fanfiction #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #zephyr haddock #nuffink haddock #httyd oc #toothless #stormfly #deadly nadder #night fury #shirtless hiccup #hiccup and toothless #hiccup and astrid #astrid and stormfly

[stackslip]

chainsaw man 112 thoughts below cut bc there is so much to unpack here

asa is so sad about the broken sword/uniform.... baby i’m so sorry :((((

“i don’t know who that woman is” YORU YOU ARE EITHER DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT OR A LIAR SHE HAS YOUR EYESSSSS

student council slash devil hunting club DMLXDS i lvoe the ongoing animanga tradition of student councils being obscenely powerful

it is EXTREMELY funny of fujimoto to drop a hell of a mystery last chapter, leading to a week of speculation and despair and everyone thinking it’ll be the main mystery fr this part, only to be like “oh yeah the imposter is this random dude who just like openly calls himself chainsaw man”. king of anticlimax. love it

i mean i suspect there are like ten imposters running around thanks to the powers of justice and/or coolgirl right there (famine? who is also justice?) but still. extremely funny

g-d asa looks so tired of yoru’s loser shtick this is so funny i love their relationship. pathetic loser teenage girl and an even more pathetic devil possessing her

“as long as you’re inside me, not only will i be miserable but the people around me will be too” sobs cries owwww i get a feeling that the day they do separate it’s gonna hurt like hell even tho rn asa hates her (understandably)

HAHAHAHAHA THIS FACE SHE IS SOOOOOO

the chicken stomping thing...... my heart hurts. g-d everyone is gonna end up miserable and making terrible choices and doing terrible things. i love it

“i’d rather kill a human than a cat” 1) parallels, again 2) that’s fair and also v funny

the fact that creating a weapon involves guilt is so cool bc it’s the contrary of what justice has been doing--granting powers in exchange for the students/hosts believing their every action is utterly righteous. to become stronger asa has to understand that she is doing something heinous and cruel and choose to do it anyway. and she decides to do it.......... rhghhhhhhhh

obsessed with this set of panels and the cat LITERALLY being larger/more important in asa’s vision than the ant-like humans below her....... g-d i hope fujimoto sticks to giving her a villain arc bc it’s genuinely fasctinating stuff

asa seeing denji and immediately going “yeah he sounds good to kill. he’s an idiot and a loser but he sounds like a good person.” augh.

AND THEN IT TURNS OUT DENJI HAS BEEN SCAMMING HOMELESS PEOPLE FOR MONEY FJKSDXDKQLZKLX DENJIIIIIII i love my asshole son

but also............. why aren’t people at school allowed to take on part-time jobs when half of them are orphans and can’t provide for themselves. what the fuck. and denji has to take care of a little sister AND like eight dogs and a cat too??

asa’s self deprecation is so delicious i love a self hating pathetic loser who’s also really tragic and sad and clearly on a terrible terrible path

denji is catching all the cat comparison nows. did fujimoto get a cat and say dog people are out cats are IN

[cowboy AHHHHHHH dot mp4]

literal devil on her shoulder........... and thinking of yuko..................... augh

AHHHH THE FACT THAT THEYRE BOTH IN SHADOW AND SHE CATCHES HIM RIGHT AS HES ABOUT TO STEP IN LIGHT AND THE WHOLE CONVO TAKES PLACE IN THAT SHADOW RIGHT BEFORE THE LIGHT oh fujimoto is gonna go for tragedy alright

in general i’m really loving the way the conversation is framed i love how awkward this is how harrowing it is from asa how denji softens i love this so much i love that both protags are traumatized loser teens who have lived unfathomably tragic lives and it’s gonna get so much worse and they don’t understand one another but they are SO similar too.....

UGHHHH ASA IS FEELING REAL GUILT AT THIS AND THINKING SHES GONNA KILL A SAD LOSER TEEN............... 

and like. oh man someone earlier said that denji points her out as the girl who hates chainsaw man. and here she is coming up to it asking him out on a date. a girl who hates CHAINSAW MAN but wants to ask HIM out. it’s like. everything he’d hoped and wanted. someone who wants him and sees him and not chainsaw man. and yet he responds in such a shy way when in part 1 he’d have been ecstatic........ genuinely shocked that it would happen at all

sadder still is that she really isn’t seeing him as a person at all and is just aiming for chainsaw man augh. ow.

and really what asa is seeing is a way out of this entire nightmare a way to save yuko (WHOS ALREADY DEAD AAHHHHHHHHHHH) a way to end this entire pantomime and attempt to reclaim a normal life all for the cost of this one loser kid whose name she doesn’t even know but who is so much like her and yuko and augh. augh AUGH

g-d it’s like twenty pages and there is so much to unpack here

#eli talks #csm

[lofi-bunni]

We need more SMT+!Yuu

I need more SMT+!Yuu. There’s two things that come to mind. A Yuu that works by P5 rules and can go into the collective unconsciousness to change peoples distortions or a Yuu which has a merry band of demons following them around and that listens to them like servants while also having distinct personalities and unfathomable abilities. Yuu’s like a Pokémon trainer except with gods…

Now image P5 Yuu in the twst universe. They go in there pretty normal and are still considered magic-less but the students talk about them having glow eyes. Turns out their just using whatever ability they have that highlights things and lets them see confidant/social link ranks. But the kicker would be in a overblot fight where they go into whatever NRC’s collective unconsciousness is and beat the shit out of the dorm heads shadows while their friends fight them on the outside. It would make the whole tragic backstory dump feel less shoe horned in.

Now what about Yuu who has a bunch of demon servants/summons. They have either a device that stores them or their all inside of Yuu’s brain talking to them and being released whenever. Ramshackle would be so much more lively

I wanna give Yuu some “default demons” that I feel fit the vibe.

Jack and Black Frost. Mainly because Jack Frost is Atlus’s mascot and black frost seems like the overblotted version of him and is equally iconic.

Alice! Another Iconic smt demon who fits into the twst world perfectly! Image NRC’s reaction to her, “Die for Me :)” perfect.

Idun. I don’t know she would fit very well into chapter 5. A apple themed idol goddess who heals, just a perfect counter to Vil’s OB and hey maybe they even get in on the VDC action and teach Yuu how to dance!

Mephisto. He fits very well into the twst world as well and gives me slight Crowley vibes.

Yoshitsune. All these high level demons for Yuu! Yoshitsune is a must have if Yuu’s gonna “I’ve done the hero’s journey before motherfucker.” Their way through this!

Continuing on that train, Trumpeter, Metatron, and Titania. Titania actually has a theme for twst though. Diasomnia in particular. Since Titanias the Queen of fairies and has that whole sleep theme to her.

They probably have more stored somewhere (idk man..) but those seems like the most important.

Imagine Crowley chiding Yuu for, “Not keeping track of your familiar!” And Yuu going, “You mean this sad excuse for a Cait Sith??”

“You wanna see familiars? I’ll show you familiars >:)”

“All my friends are dead :)”

Wait omg the angst potential of the darker smt world plus the multiple voices in their head jeysjehdhnshwhw YES

“I’ll paint your roses red alright…”

“I’ve killed god! You think a little sand in my eye will stop me from kicking your ass!”

“Sign a contract??? I’ve done that like…” *starts counting on fingers.* “uggh… hasn’t worked out most of the time.”

“Ah this mind control is some trouble… nothing a little brainwash can’t override!”

“Manager? Well I guess I manage a bunch of crazy’s on the regular, what can a little dancing do to hurt, hell Idun could help out.”

*one almost murder later*

“And I was getting worried life was taking it a little easy on me…”

Just an absolute crack idea that I thought would be fun to think about.

#twst au #twst yuu #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #au hell #!Yuu #brain spill #Don’t pay too much attention #legit just me wanting a Yuu that kicks ass in a sarcastic way #while still having angst potential #SMT+!Yuu

[pyjamacryptid]

artists self rec! when you get this, reply with your favourite five arts/sets/edits/gifs that you've done, then pass on to at least five other people. time to shine and spread some self-love and appreciation 🥰 <3

oh my god sia i am SO SORRY i am only just now seeing this ask it's been so long i am so so--

Sia!!!

This was so hard to choose wow.

FANVIDS FIRST:

I'm Sorry | Merlin & Arthur from BBC Merlin [tumblr link] [direct yt link]

This took me over 2 months and, so far, it's the best fanvid I've ever made. I'm ridiculously proud of it and I only have a tiny bit of shame in saying so XD. The finished product ended up far better than the original concept I had in my head. I wanted to make a video that focused on how Merlin and Arthur forgave one another; Merlin, since the day he met Arthur, and Arthur when he learned the truth. Because the core of their relationship was unconditional love, to their own strength and detriment. I cried almost each time I worked on it.

2. I Became Greedy | Kurosawa & Adachi from Cherry Magic [tumblr link] [direct yt link]

This took me about .. I want to say a month? I'm also proud of this one. Cherry Magic is a light-hearted BL j-drama that - at its core - is about the importance of reaching out to others, and the bravery of reaching out and accepting someone else's outreached hand. I eventually want to edit a video on the overarching meaning of the show. But I... am a sucker for pining lol and I was so taken in by Kurosawa's pining. It was so poignant, I was literally clutching my chest in sympathy pangs. So, I wanted to edit a vid that emulated that and focused just on that feeling. And I think I??? did!

3. it's not living if it's not with you | Wei Wuxian & Lan Wangji from The Untamed/CQL [direct yt link]

This was the second fanvid I had posted to my youtube channel and I used a lot of editing techniques I had never tried before, so I learned a lot! I wanted to show as many aspects of wangxian's story and relationship in one video as I could without mucking up the pacing or making it messy in general. I love the colour palette and font I chose. Something else I really wanted to achieve was using a light-hearted song with a sad meaning over both sad and happy scenes, because that's a recipe for EMOTION. And judging by the comments I got on this vid, I dare say I succeeded XD I had a lot of fun making this! Even if I got stuck on it for a month and then thankfully could finish it when I was hit with an epiphany. I also cried quite a bit while making it shkgjhdf

Listen. I have. Emotions.

ART:

4. A Favourable Misunderstanding | Merlin & Arthur [link to full comic here]

A meme re-draw turned into a fluffy comic because it took on a life of it's own and Merlin & Arthur are a force to be reckoned with when being idiots in love. I was also super proud of this! Despite the many styles in one comic (which is fine, I was just worried about nothing looking like it matched) I was happy with how I drew them! Especially as I find Merlin's face very difficult to get a grasp of, for some reason. And I was also proud of their characterisations! I still get so happy to see how well-loved it is, and so perhaps it doesn't need its own rec but what the hell. I love it, too hehe.

5. Balls the Unfathomable | a comic about a weirdly wholesome demon summoning [link to full comic here]

My friends and I, while on a call, fell into doing a bit. That lasted a really long time. And during it, I became a summoned demon nicknamed "Balls". No, I'm not joking. It was ridiculous and hilarious.

Thankfully, I remembered most of it and immediately tried to commit it to paper for - what I thought - was going to be a short, half-assed sketch comic. Nope. I ended up with a multi-page comic with clean lines and everything.

Funnily enough, I hadn't actually ever finished a multi-page comic before this. Not one so polished anyway. Balls has that effect on people, I suppose. skjdhjkfdg

So yeah, I was proud of finishing it, and of choosing a cute, simple style and sticking to it (cute, "less realistic" styles don't come easy to me, so I struggled more than you'd think trying to figure out how I was going to draw this skdjhkfg) and of how I structured the panels, especially when I really was just winging it. I do not know how to panel (yet).

Basically; I adore my friends and the fun we have together and I had to share this particular shenanigan and Balls themself. They've become a beloved character amongst my friends and I.

_________

That's it! Long-winded commentary and all.

Thank you again for the self-rec, Sia! 🥺💕💕💕

psst hey, you should go totally check out Sia's blog - she does amazing edits and gifs

#once again i'm so sorry I saw this so late skjhgdfg #ask #ren replies #courtjestermerlin #self-rec #my art #pyjamacryptid edits #fanvid #artists on tumblr #merthur #kurodachi #wangxian #the untamed #cherry magic #mdzs #viddingisart #merlin #gayble tag

[voraciousvore]

Boarding School for Giants (11/25)

------ Chapter 11 ------

For the first time in a long time, I felt happy, even exhilarated, like a candle was warming my insides. I picked up dinner on my way out of the giant school and started biking home. My heart was fluttering, but not from fear. I still experienced a heightened anxiety every time I had to bike past a giant, but I wasn’t consumed by those negative emotions as I had been earlier. I could handle the unfathomable size of everything now, as impossible and overwhelming as it all was. 

I felt as if, for the moment, everything would be okay. Even so, I found myself thinking about my mother again. I wondered how she was faring without me. My good mood soured quickly. I wished I could just talk to her, find out the truth. Did she really abandon me, or was she doing this to me for my own good? The lack of clarity on the issue frustrated me to no end. We always had a rocky relationship, ever since my dad had left and ripped our family apart, but deep down I still cared. I relied on her, as much as I hated to admit it to myself. If I just had my phone, I could call her and ask her directly. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, my mind wandered to Joey again. I was grateful to finally have a friend among my peers, and I didn’t feel quite so alone. I just hoped the friendship would last. He wasn’t the sort of person I usually hung out with. Many of my peers judged me harshly for my saucy attitude, and I was accustomed to filling the role of the “bad” kid. I usually hung out with other “bad” kids who wouldn’t look down on me for acting up or smoking, but many of them were jerks too. All my life I always felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit anywhere. 

Of course, I knew a big part of that sentiment was my fault. I didn’t want to get too close to anyone, only to be abandoned and hurt as my father had did to me, so I pushed people away with my bad behavior and held them at arm’s length. In essence, I had sharpened my deep sadness and loneliness into a spear of rage to poke at anyone who tried to enter my inner sanctum. Maybe it was time for me to change and adapt, as my circumstances were radically different now. Already, I had undeniably lost some of my edge just in the few days I had been in the world of giants, living with constant fear and intimidation. I desperately needed a support system here. I couldn’t push people away like I usually did, or else I might not survive. 

These personal reflections were sobering, and I was deep in thought when I finally made it back to my dorm. As I put my bike in the rack and went inside, I resolved to do better, to be a better me. I would try to be more open, more gregarious, less abrasive and disagreeable to others. Less of a prickly cactus, more of a soft blooming flower. The change wouldn’t be easy, but considering all the factors I had to do it. 

Now, though, I was tired, and needed to rest my weary legs and nerves. I changed into more comfortable clothes, ate the dinner I snagged from the lunchroom, and vegged out to some death metal for a while. I craved a cigarette to help me relax, but I was out. I guess I needed to quit anyway. New me, right? I sighed. 

Every once in a while the building rumbled as giants walked past. I didn’t think I could ever get used to how huge they were, or how small I felt. The light outside started to fade. I got up to turn on a light when suddenly the floor underneath me shook like an earthquake, nearly knocking me over, and the last rays of the setting sun were blotted out by shadow. I glanced over at the nearest windows and saw multiple pairs of giant shoes. The building was encircled by giants. 

All my thoughts earlier about being more outgoing and friendlier flew out of my head. I panicked and sprinted like a wild rabbit to the kitchen, thrusting open the cabinet under the sink and squeezing inside the hiding place I had scoped out earlier for such a contingency. I barely made it in on time before I heard the all-too-familiar click of the roof unlatching and a strained groan as it swung open. I didn’t dare to move. My frantic heartbeat thudded so loud I almost believed whoever was out there would be able to hear it. 

“Hello, little human? Are you in there?” an enormous masculine voice called, the sound resonating through the tiny space. I remained silent and motionless, despite how uncomfortable I was cramped up against the piping from the sink. 

“Aww, that’s too bad. I really thought it would be in here,” another male voice, just as full and loud, chimed in. It? Did they just call me an “it”? I didn’t like that dehumanizing moniker at all. 

“How disappointing. I’ve never seen a real live human before,” a third voice piped up, this one female. “Wow, are they really this small?” I heard some shuffling and thumping within the building. Something massive, likely a giant knuckle, happened to knock against the door to the cabinet and I had to repress a cry of alarm. 

“Check this out!” Were they going through my things? Indignation flashed hotly within me, but as usual I was powerless to stop them. 

“Look how tiny it is! So cute!” Ugh. I grimaced. I was getting irritated at being forced to listen to them prattle on while they touched all my stuff with their grubby fingers. They would probably end up breaking something. 

“And the furniture! It would be dwarfed even by the furnishings in a dollhouse!” Great, so to them I was even smaller than a doll, barely the size of a pinky finger. How could I reasonably expect any respect from such gigantic beings? I was fuming as I listened to the giant hands continue to explore through the building. I felt humiliated. 

“You’ve actually interacted with a human before, right Marcus? What are they like?” the feminine voice questioned with fascination. 

“Yes, technically, I suppose I did, but the little human ran away as soon as it saw me. I didn’t get the chance to actually talk to it. I happened to be near the dividing wall and I spied one walking around. The poor little thing was terrified. It scurried back into the little door in the wall and didn’t come back out.” 

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “They’re just like us though, right? Just miniature?” 

“I’m not sure. They look like us at least, on a much smaller scale. But they do seem more skittish, and like I said I’ve never heard one talk before. I guess if the rumors are true, and there really is a human attending this school, we’ll find out eventually.” 

The giants outside were quiet for a minute. I didn’t hear their hands roving around anymore either. “What a shame,” the female voice said, a bit more muted than before. “I really wanted to meet one. But I don’t want it to be frightened of me either. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt it.” 

“Just because you wouldn’t doesn’t mean somebody else won’t. You heard what happened, didn’t you?” 

“What?” 

“About Trent? The real reason he got expelled? The administrators are trying to cover it up, but apparently a few students witnessed the commotion. He actually ate the human student. Swallowed it whole and alive. That’s why Mr. Henderson throttled him so badly, to make him vomit the poor creature back up.” 

“That’s dreadful! What a barbaric thing to do!” 

“I always thought that Trent was a creep. That story just confirms it.” 

Listening to those disembodied voices talk about me, oblivious to my presence, made me feel strange. I hadn’t fully considered how much the giant students had really interacted with humans, or how humans were perceived among them. What Mr. Henderson had told me, about the importance of my being here, made more sense now. Most of their knowledge was secondhand and likely ill-informed, judging by how they referred to me as an “it.” There wasn’t any malice in their wording, though, just ignorance and curiosity. 

I debated whether I should come out and introduce myself. I didn’t think there was any danger of them hurting me, and they seemed eager to meet a human for the first time. Even so, the thought of being surrounded by three huge giants, their attention all on me, was deeply intimidating. Just thinking about it made my heart race, my lungs gasp, and my skin perspire. I was still afraid. I just couldn’t do it. I’d rather stay locked inside forever than have to stand up to giants again. I was ashamed of my cowardice, but fear ultimately won out, and I stayed in place, hidden. My resolve to be braver and make friends slipped away as quickly as it had come, leaving me with nothing but a sad emptiness. 

“My gramps claims he used to have a pet human, a long time ago. He said it ran away though. He never found out what happened to it.” 

“Isn’t that illegal?” 

“Yeah, but who’s gonna find out and report it? The human?” 

I found this topic of conversation disturbing, to say the least. They continued to chat with each other for a while, going off on tangents, as I listened in and gathered information. Eventually, the giants started to get bored of waiting. 

“Oh well, I guess the human’s not coming back anytime soon. I wonder where it’s at right now.” 

“If it’s even still attending this school. I mean, would you want to stay here if you got eaten alive by one of your classmates?” 

“Its personal belongings are still here though. Remember the tiny little backpack we saw? And if you look closely, there’s other stuff in there too! It’s definitely still living in here!” The voice sounded excited by this revelation. 

“You’re probably right, but wherever the human is now, it’s not here. Let’s go.” Murmurs of agreement followed, and I heard the loud crash of the roof being closed. I waited until their thundering footsteps faded away before I dared to come out again. I was breathing hard, and it took a while for me to calm down. I urgently needed to speak with Mr. Henderson about getting a lock for the roof, but I figured he probably wouldn’t be back on campus until Monday. My nerves couldn’t handle these unannounced interruptions. I hated the idea that anyone with malicious intent could just pop it open, at any time, and snatch me up. I had no privacy and no safety. What if I got kidnapped in the middle of the night? 

That night, instead of sleeping in my bed, I slumbered on one of the couches in the communal area. The couches were close to the kitchen, so I would have at least a chance to run and hide to my secret space if I had little to no warning of an intruder. Although nobody else bothered me that evening, I didn’t sleep well at all. I tossed and turned all night and woke up in a cold sweat at the slightest sound. My nights from now on were going to be rough. 

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731605458561925120/boarding-school-for-giants-1225?source=share

1st chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731600430392639488/boarding-school-for-giants-125?source=share

#g/t #giant/tiny #giant #tiny #giant tiny #sfw g/t #boarding school for giants #g/t writing #g/t fluff #size difference

[ofallthingsnasty]

Ooof lemme just touch on my thoughts with American forests? Bc I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and currently I'm living by what's supposed to be a protected forest, but is slowly being chipped away at for more developments. This may sound like a weird breakdown but eh, I'm on anon so like. It be what it be!

But like. The vibes vary? I worked at a nature center for a bit and you could tell the woods fostered a sort of love towards it's visitors, a lot of who were little kids on field trips to learn? I can see these spaces reflecting the memories and emotions of the area, and there was a bunch of laughter and overall fun to be had!

The forest next to me? Being developed very slowly? Dude it's angry or something is. I have to wake up at 3am-ish for work and you can hear things on the way past driving by? Things that sound a bit off. Moving shadows in the corner of your eye, displaced deer and bear and all sorts of critters roaming the streets at night.

I hate that this weird housing market boom is causing these companies to buy up land in an attempt to make failing developments; the amount of abandoned developments that have just bulldozed the forest, paved the roads, made a example house and just. Never went further than that is sad. If anyone moves into that area like good luck. As an extra special edition, there's a giant sinkhole in that area, meaning if they develop it, basically they'd be selling shit homes that'd constantly need repair bc of the shifting earth underneath with a real risk of one day just being sucked into the earth?

I dunno, I've always been drawn to the water more than the forest? Like throw me in the water and my soul feels at home, the forest to me is beautiful! But not my particular jam. But man also fucked up water mythos is also a bigass vibe

hfjdhsj that sounds scary omg - ngl American forests/wildlife legitimately scare me. I was around 19/20ish when I learned that the US is still super wild, for the lack of a better word - and that people die of exposure, get attacked by predators etc. That is absolutely bewildering to me. We have very little virgin forests left iirc. It's either commercially used forests (my family owns some odd hectars of one, actually! and if you think it makes big money... it doesn't 😂 we've just been farmers for eons) or very young forest that is barely recovering (yes there are ancient oaks etc but many conservatory efforts have only been made during the 19th century!). So while we do have nice forests, thick and lush - they pale in comparison to what we had centuries ago. The Battle of the Teutoburg Forest is legendary for a reason, the Romans were fucking going through it in all that muck. I just- listen the last time we had a free bear in Germany, he got a fancy name, was tracked and everyone FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT UNTIL HE GOT SHOT RIP. We called him 'Bruno the problem bear'. Like. We're scared, okay? And Americans go camping and put their food in another container outside of their tents "because there's bears *shrug*" BRO I- WDYM THERE ARE BEARS- GET ME OUT OF HERE

Seriously, the US is unfathomable to my feeble middle-European mind lmao

And yeah, like you said!! Forests are weird places... And I totally get why humans of ye olden times™ had a million tales surrounding them. I hate forests at night, tepid European ones or not 😭 (also.... sinkholes are so dangerous?? holy shit, whatever they're doing at your place, that should be illegal jeez. Never underestimate nature, people die from that)

(Haha if you like water you'd like my home state!! We have lakes everywhere + the Spree Forest. But we've been getting a little 'muddier' in these last couple of years haha) And water-based myths!!! I grew up with creepy water witches and nymphs!! There's one very specific to my region and he's a mean little fucker who kills children by drowning them/clubbing them and putting their souls in pots. He also loves to play cards lol Are there any water-based cryptids etc in America, actually? I don't think I've ever heard of one of those... There probably are, I'm just not aware 🤔

#ask #anon #tw long post #jeez sorry for the wall of text there haha

[tsukasageorge]

you want me, i want you, but love will devour us all too quickly

WARNING: these poems discuss dark topics such as death and suicide. if you're not in the mood for something sad (or long) please take care of yourself and don't read this.

you

you are calm bordering on indifferent bordering on apathetic

which you're glad to be

but when you do get mad you throw darts at the board

and you are too upset to aim, so you miss

and you miss

and you miss

and every hole in the wall is another hole in your heart

until you collapse to the floor, bleeding.

want

you want to be an actor or an artist or an animator but you still remember when you didn't want to be anything but gone.

you want to be loved by all, but you told me all those years ago that love and hate aren't so different.

you want to be pretty, skinny, funny, smart, strong, fast, talented. back then you wanted to be kind too, didn't you? oh, how time flies.

you want to be more than you are, and that's okay, but it doesn't mean

that you will ever

be more

than nothing.

me

you always did tell me you loved me.

not to my face

but to my hair when you braided it before we went to bed

to my hands when you squeezed them and promised me it'd be alright

to my shoulders when you happily wrapped your arms around them

and to my eyes

my eyes that refuse to leave you

even after the black body bag is wheeled out of sight.

I

I lay in the barkchips on warm summer evenings to watch the stars and see if they've changed

slowly but surely they move across the sky like snails

and i think about how even though they're already dead

they're still on a journey

their light touching planets an unfathomable distance away

i think about how those stars went up in flames and brought their whole solar system down with them

and I think about how we look at those stars and see them as beautiful, not as things that raised billions of organisms just to kill them one day.

im sure that there is just as much blood on my hands as there is on those stars

and i can only hope that some way, some how, i can make up for all the people who's lives i stole

by ending my own.

want

perhaps the want is where it all started.

a tiger hunts its prey not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

a rabbit runs from a wolf not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

life is pushed by need

and only when you no longer need

can you begin to want

humans survived the need

but be careful, the rabbit warns

want will swallow you whole.

you

you don't remember all the times that you ran ahead of me when we were little

never asking me where we should go next

only leaving me to clean up after you

but i do

and you don't remember the time you had a panic attack and ran through the forest and got lost, but you do remember me hugging you after we finally found each other and really, that's all that's worth remembering.

you pretend you don't remember the time i showed up at your house mid-mental breakdown and begged you to tell me why she did that to me. why she said that when i was just a little kid, when i loved her more than myself.

and i pretend i don't remember you making me packet hot cocoa and calming me down and binge watching game shows together until we fell asleep on your bed

i guess we thought ignoring it would be best

but id give away my heart, my body, and my soul to have one more night like that with you

even knowing what I'd wake up to the next day

because I never wanted to let you die

somewhere that wasn't in my arms.

but

all the other towns have found their river

all the other cities have built their dams

i sit by a muddy puddle

watching the frog that sits in it

hoping that one day it'll leap away and show me the way

but it's dead

and i'm dead

and you're dead

i may not be able to feel love

but i think i can understand

the fear of losing it.

love

you are nothing without love.

you can have your fancy car

and your pathetic little family

you can work as hard as you want

for as long as you want

until your flesh tears from bone, for all I care

but nothing you do will ever matter

because you can't feel it.

love is the only light in this world.

love is the only joy in this world.

without it you are useless.

so, so useless.

will

a want is where it started and a will is where it ended.

you wanted to love me

i wanted to love you

and so we did.

we loved.

i said i wanted to spend my whole life with you

but life can only get you so far,

so let's give death a try, huh?

as it turns out, a will to live and a will to lie

are not so different after all.

devour

you're never really satisfied, you know.

you're like a black hole

breathing in galaxies but never breathing out

I hope one day you learn that

you can devour as many planets as you want

but that will never fill the void inside of you.

us

we're like a firework in a pond

a wheel that bounces instead of turns

lily pads scattering the halls

a sky on fire, we watch the clouds burn.

we're like a long car ride at midnight

a painting of pinocchio 

the three blue eyes on the wall

a tiger chasing a doe

and we set the sky on fire

we watch the world burn

but none of it matters

we'll all be devoured soon anyways.

all

on a warm summer night, as we were lying in the bark chips you told me

about life. about death. about flaws.

and you told me people are all the same

spending their time trying to honor the dead

rather than celebrate the living

but you suppose you don't mind

recieving flowers for your suffering

(that's why i always bought bouquets for the table.)

you always said that one life is insignificant compared to the planet, the universe.

my question is,

are the fractions worth the same as the whole?

are the many really more valuable than the few?

do we all add up to anything

but tragedy?

you had no answer,

but i asked anyway.

too

we're driving fast through the night

as the shadows chase our car

like monsters drilling minutes into the clock that winds

and winds until it explodes. 

we're going too far too fast and there's sirens begging us to stop but we can't stop. not yet.

i clutch my phone to my chest

still set to the message your mother sent me

and i hope that you can hear me

because we always did have a funny way of reading each other's thoughts.

right now my thoughts are full of

I should have noticed

I should have seen the voices screaming valor winding and winding

and now you've exploded

and what am I left to do but follow in your footsteps yet again?

and i know that you can hear me

because you always did have a funny way of reading my thoughts

but it seems like 

too fast for us

was too little, too late. 

quickly

i never did like time.

the thought of death didn't bother me

hell, heaven, or nothing,

it didn't matter because i wouldn't be alone.

but the way the little red hand ran in circles

feeling the life i had left slip through  my fingers like sand

never knowing how much there was

or how it would run out

felt much worse

than love ever could.

did you find it annoying,

me trailing behind you

talking about how time was too slow and too quick at the same time

never shutting up

or leaving you alone?

probably.

you thought you could get rid of me, didn't you?

well, too bad

im not letting you go just yet.

there's a long road to tomorrow

but it'll be yesterday before we know it.

thank you for reading!

#death tw #poetry #suicide tw #poem #suicide mention #writing #long post

[llycaons]

ep46 (1/3): *feverishly* lwj wwx and jc emotional fallout time

coming hot off the donghua, sect leader yao's speech seems far more engaging and dynamic to me. he's walking around gesturing, emoting. shots are spent to give other charcters' reactions

a lot of lwj's dialogue seems to be like this - translated as the passive voice, precisem objective, and seemingly arising out of thin air. ik in the original mandarin he sounds very elegant and concise, and this translation gives similar but not quite the same energy

wwx and jc's faces at this...the main and grief is still so fresh

these shouts EXACTLY like the ones they were just calling for wwx's blood with. of course he's bitter and disaffected with the cultivation world! of course he turns away

wait hold on I just googled disaffected to make sure I was using it right and I was way more spot-on than I thought

adjective: disaffected dissatisfied with the people in authority and no longer willing to support them.

and NOW they want his help? now they'll suddenly start groveling to him when it's clear there's a new threat and he's needed? no wonder he doesn't respect any of them. only lwj actually stuck to his guns. but wwx shakes his head and walks away

and then his face seeing the shrine...ough. lwj gently asking him if he wanted to see it was nice bc I think he may have denied himself that, had he been alone

I can't do this man it's so fucking sad. like I'm so glad he gets this with them after everything especially jyl but god. it's so sad. that's his family and he feels like he ha to apologize for paying his respects

also the fact that myu's temper and dislike of wwx was so legendary that even up in gusu they'd heard of it...yeah he's clearly still working through that too

this was kind of funny I shan't lie. in front of her plaque he says this

I've struggled in the past to understand why wwx is so respectful to her here even though it was clear she hurt him so much in the past. I think it's like, he doesn't resent or hate her. she's dead, that was in the past. he pays respects, he apologizes. but he's not going to pretend like it didn't hurt or that it was easy.

and I think that's a healthy place to land. certainly he doesn't need more guilt over hating one of the people who raised him long after her death. but he's not shrugging off the hurt entirely, or plastering on a smile for lwj. admitting to lwj that it was a lot is a big step for him. I'm proud

the line I point to whenever fics are like 'lwj tries to sapotage jc and wwx's reconciliation and openly hates jc and makes things really difficult for him' NO!! he loves wwx far more than he hates jc! he wants wwx to be happy above everything, including his own dislike of his family! and he KNOWS how much wwx has lost, unless jc is outright hurting and attacking him lwj will leave it. even later in the temple lwj moves to protect wwx, who simply puts up a hand to stop him. wwx is fully in control of his interactions with jc when it comes to lwj

might be due to the translation choice but note he's not just saying 'he resents me'; this grudge is deep for him as well.

ohh this is really painful. obviously I'm on wwx's side here, this is his family, over whose deaths he feels tremendously (wrongfully, for myu and jfm) guilty. he killed himself because he lost his sister and he never saw her again, never got to pay his respects or apologize. and jc DID invite him in

but on the other hand, jc sees this as a breach - how dare wwx? this isn't HIS family, it's jc's. and his house, and his shrine, and his lakes and ponds. jc is extremely possessive over his family no matter their actual living wishes - and not just possessive, but exclusively so - this is MY family, you can;t have it. you don't belong here. yu have no family. your only companions are a dog I wish was dead and a man whose loyalty to you is unfathomable to me. he is staining his reputation by his association with you. and so on. all jc has is his title and position, but it's his. he earned it, after all. born to the jiangs. the heir. fighting and winning the war against the wens, with his own bright golden core...

this is one of the most hurtful things jc can say, and he knows it. he also knows that wwx literally killed himself but I guess in his mind that's not enough suffering for him. I can't fathon why people want wwx and jc to be best buddies postcanon with zero change in behavior bc literally all jc does is hurt wwx and make everything about him

also this is remarkably polite for lwj

HE LOOKS LIKE HIS MOM SO MUCH IN THIS SHOT. the bitter, cruel sarcasm. did wzc study myu's actor's performance or what....

I've always loved this shot. so intimate...he could have used his arm but instead he puts his hand on lwj's lower belly. like, remarkably low

also unfair and patently untrue but jc is a 36 year old minor so he can say whatever he wants and it's fine because he's a sad little baby brother boy or something

first time I saw this I saw someone describe it as a gay person bringing their partner to a family event and now I can't really see it any other way

saw another post like 'oh this is so sad for jc he just wants proof that wwx CARES and fighting is his only way communication uwu' but I have zero sympathy for that because it's a juvenile ass mode of expressing himself and I think it's far more just pathetic and maladjusted of him. especially when wwx is just doing the mature thing and trying not to fight because he's a fucking adult. and even when jc deliberately provokes him he looks up and sees her tablet there

and remembers what she would have wanted and how she loved them both and he walks away!!! I'm so proud of him. in so many ways wwx was a better and truer brother to jyl than jc ever was

see what I said above, jc is so angry but he can't seen to fathom that wwx doesn't want to interact like they're teenagers anymore. he's stuck in his traumatized adolescence to the extent that he sees wwx looking as exhausted and miserable as this and still tries to fight him.

and of course this rich concoction of miscommunication and misery couldn't be complete without lwj, who functions to be wwx's caretaker and protecter. jc looks almost disgusted when lwj intervenes - this isn't your business! butt out! but of course wwx is lwj's business. he physically pushes himself in between them. you're hurting him. step away. don't touch him. you no longer have the right to attack him

didn't get a great shot but this really sums up the trio relationship so nicely in a lot of senses. lwj supporting wwx, completely focused on him and his needs, except to briefly shove past jc and then to defend them from zidian. primary mode support, and secondary defend. wwx trusting and leaning on lwj, quietly speaking to him, defending him, being intimate and together with him in their little bubble . and jc, seething, jealous, heartbroken and bitter on the outside, not ready to let wwx walk away and trying to get him to stay through violence, trying to punish him. but wwx isn't alone anymore.

#cql re-rewatch

[tony-quinn]

Eifel Like Shit (idk how to include 65)

Has anyone heard the song "Colors" by Halsey?

I mean probably because it's pretty famous. For anyone who hasn't, humor me while I shift into overly analytical, pretentious douche mode.

IT'S MORPHIN TIME MOTHERFUCKERS!

I was listening to the song recently for the fiftieth time and the chorus struck me in a way it hadn't before. Here it is for those who haven't heard the song, aka dirty plebs.

"Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans And now I'm covered in the colors Pulled apart at the seams And it's blue And it's blue

Everything is grey His hair, his smoke, his dreams And now he's so devoid of color He don't know what it means And he's blue And he's blue."

I've always been a pretty sad guy, ever since I was a kid (not yet a guy.) I'm not sure where it comes from. I've also been an anxious fucker for a long time and I recently found out that the two things correlate so RIP to any sense of peace.

A popular song from my childhood (as well as anyone's who isn't an aforementioned dirty pleb) is "Blue" by Eifel 65.

It annoys me when people say that the group confirmed the song to be nonsensical fuck shit, when songfacts.com quotes them saying otherwise. Here's the quote so nobody can accuse me of pulling it out of the same vault that Half Life 3 is sealed in.

"I started thinking about this character I invented called Zoroti and the lifestyle he led, from the way he would buy his house, pick his girlfriend, his job or the neighborhood he would live in. Then I came up with a color, a color I thought described the way he saw things."

Checkmate bitches. Where's my Nobel Prize?

Listening to "Colors" recently made me think back to this quote and my brain did its typical thing of connecting separate thoughts into a bridge that allows a fully fledged idea to pass over. Nothing is ever simple with me.

Okay if you think the humor in this post is egregious, that's only because I'm writing this in real time and have trouble being completely serious, but I have to do that now so yeah.

I'm blue. Yeah that's a line from the Eifel 65 song, but blue is just who I am. As much as I'm no longer a total believer in anything supernatural or spiritual, maybe this song being a big part of my youth was some form of fate. On the surface it's a silly club anthem, but when you actually look at the lyrics it's kind of deep.

"Colors" gave me this mental image that honestly haunts me, where every woman I've ever tried dating are sitting in a room and talking about me, whether positively or negatively I can't be too sure, but probably the former.

Then the conversation gets serious as one of them (probably the only one I loved) says, "He was pretty sad most of the time.) One by one the other women nod and agree with that sentiment. Sure they thought I was a comedic god, but in some way they all saw the truer version of myself below the surface buried under my goofy jackass attitude; the thoughtful, melancholy loner who never really felt like he could be exposed.

Halsey wrote "Colors" about Matty Healy from The 1975 (they dated.) I don't know too much about his life, but I know he had a drug problem and struggled (or struggles) with depression to some degree. In a way I kind of view myself as a celebrity, in the sense that I'm known for stuff that serves as a smokescreen to the unflattering parts of my life. Gee it's almost like celebrities aren't so different from us. Fucking unfathomable.

This post really had no ultimate purpose. I just wanted to talk about the one thought, but every time I write off the top of my head it shapes itself into something unexpected.

Thanks for reading if you even did. Regardless I feel a bit better.

#halsey #music #depression #venting

[ultraviolentuncaring]

Sef:“soft asks to get to know people” 1. what song makes you feel better?

I have decided to use this soft asks thing as like one of those inktober challenges because I didn’t just wanna keep writing in note pads and drawing books and wanted to leave some of these kinds of thoughts as a digital footprint on the euphoric hellscape that is the world wide web- why not after all, if my dick pics are gonna be hoarded by meta then tumblr can have some of my thoughts and feelings

So to answer the first question “what song makes you feel better” is great because im a musician *Ding

I think whenever I’m feeling inadequate I always watch my “Get Away” (-Sef X Odyssey) music video. It was the first proper song I wrote that had a concept and core to it, its also one of the first beats I made that I was proud of, I didnt intend for that to marry up quite like that but it did and ultimately its ended up as the opener for the album that I’ve nearly finished: Hunger of the Blind

Theres a few other artists and songs I wanna mention tho- Nina Simones “Stars - Live At Casino Montreux, July 3rd 1976″ has always provided me with a comforting perspective that reminds me my life is mine to experience, regardless of what happens, what I want or where I go, I can decide how I feel as long as I tackle it all honestly. This live version specifically is so warm and comforting, it feels like the end of a story and could easily be the end of my story, but once its over my life still has more pages it would seem so I’m refreshed and reminded that I have options, and I have skills, and I have my mind and although life only promises suffering, theres an unfathomably large amount of goodness we can make of it.

I love beautiful sadness, so big shout out to Hurt, both Nine Inch Nails and Johnny Cashes versions have provided me a comfort when in my darkest hours. I do spend a lot of time alone, and when you’re going thru it sometimes the only comfort is music and these songs so hauntingly remind me of the forks in the road.

Ok well that should do it for here for now,  big question to start off with, I hope the rest of the soft asks are good bc I havent rly looked at the list but I definitely wanna continue as of right now.

thx if you read this, thats cool and here are the songs again

Sef

Sef X Odyssey - Get Away

Nina Simone - Stars - Live At Casino Montreux, July 3rd 1976

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

Johnny Cash - Hurt

#SefSoftAsks