#its such a good and pure depiction of childhood

[vagabond-umlaut]

gojo satoru x reader fic recs (I)

‣ now that i've got loads of free time, thought why shouldn't i use it well by showing (few of) my fave authors their much well-deserved love, respect and attention? ^_^

‣ this is merely a list of works i've enjoyed reading. kindly heed the tags and warnings in each of them and consume content responsibly, at your own discretion. that being said, i own neither these fics nor the characters nor the above gif. enjoy reading! 🥰

⌀ all that is solid [series] by GrilledTandooriSmoke on ao3

one of the best series there is. period. the fluff, the angst, the drama, the humor, the romance, the friendship, the plot, the dialogues - everything is top-notch in this series, i'm telling you. bonus points for being narrated in both reader's and gojo's pov.

⌀ The King is But a Man [series] by Petrichorium on ao3 (@petrichorium on tumblr)

royal!gojo who's terribly in love with the reader x reader who's equally (but way more discreetly) in love with gojo. add to that, the trope of childhood sweethearts reunited as adults, excellent communication between the couple and a wonderfully-crafted world and dialogues - what more could you ask from a series?

⌀ Ten to None (Soulmate AU) (oneshot) by Oreosmama on ao3

a fic which i adore with every fibre of my being. i will not say anything more about this, except to request you to go read this. you'll love it. (especially the fantabulous ending. btw, did i already say how much i'm in love with how well-written this fic is?)

⌀ Scarred [oneshot] by cainis on ao3

one of the best angst-with-a-happy-ending fic there is. i wish i could give thousands of kudos for the heart-wrenchingly amazing way the author has portrayed gojo's character here.

⌀ Mother of otherness, Eat me [oneshot] by itsbaby on ao3

one of the most beautiful works i've read so far. told from yuuji's pov, it explores gojo and reader's relationship and its nuances in a way seldom done before. however, what stole the show for me, was the soft and sweet mother-son duo the reader and yuuji grow to be in this fic. i really love this one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

⌀ something sweet [oneshot] by heresan on ao3 (@pretty-toru on tumblr)

i love love love this fic. it's so fluffy, so funny, so cute, so heart-warming... just read this fic, people. you won't ever be disappointed by the dynamics reader and gojo have in this one. one of my all-time faves, tbh.

⌀ teen dad Gojo [series] by pantao on ao3 (@seravphs on tumblr)

a sweet and realistic depiction of reader and gojo being teenaged parents to young megumi, all the while they try to figure out their feelings for each other. a perfect mixture of fluff, angst, drama, slice-of-life and romance, imo. (also, the author's notes are pure gold. whatever you do, please don't miss reading them! :D)

⌀ To see those eyes I prize above mine own (twoshot) by koyama on ao3

if you wish to watch godlike!gojo willing to let go of his powers, out of guilt and immense, immense, protective love for the reader, this is the ideal fic for you. i'm in awe of the way the writer wrote gojo's complex persona and the way the sorcerer realized his feelings for the reader. (the second chapter's the cherry on the cake. it's so good!!!!)

⌀ keeping up with the fushigojos (series) by @augustinewrites on tumblr

fluff? A+; angst? A+; drama? A+; characterization & dialogues? A+; humour? A+++++. a sureshot way to end a long hectic tiring day on a happy note is to read this series. (my go-to comfort series, ngl. :])

⌀ CAT & DOG (oneshot) by @mimiriko on tumblr

an adorable fic of gojo being in love with the reader, who knows, yet doesn't really know, much about it. plus, the feline-like features of gojo are sooo cute... and this fic is sooo sweet... the story left me smiling when i finished reading it.

⌀ surely summer wasn't over yet [3 chapters] by 3rdgymbros on ao3

an amazing fic set against the backdrop of the hidden inventory arc. the portrayal of the characters and their dynamics is simply impeccable. despite my kind-of-dislike towards this particular arc of the manga, i really enjoyed reading this one.

#gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x you #jjk x reader #gojo fluff #gojo angst #jjk fluff #jjk angst #kit's fic recs 📚

[jubileemon]

Fizzmodeus

Somehow in the infernal landscape of Hell, the relationship between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus, stands out as a sweet love story for the ages.

They were first introduced in the episode 'Ozzie's'. Despite their public disdain for sentimental relationships, they are entangled in a secret romance that defies Hell's social hierarchy and expectations. At first, Fizz and Asmodeus appeared as massive hypocrites, mocking others for their romantic endeavors while secretly harboring their own.

Fizzarolli's life was marked by a traumatic experience with fire, resulting in losing his horns and cybernetic replacements. As he thought Blitzo abandoned him to burn, Fizz began to develop a deep resentment towards his former best friend. Despite his normal jovial nature Fizzarolli suffers from extreme self-worth and self-image issues, the latter of which mostly originating from the severe injuries he received from a circus fire that he was involved in when he was younger. Because of this, he feels like he needs to do whatever Mammon tells him to do, as he feels he must repay the man for all the fame and success being his brand figure has brought, despite how horribly he is treated.

Working under Mammon, the Sin of Greed, further complicates his identity when Fizz became a symbol of Mammon's brand. The cost of fame weighs heavily on him, as public scrutiny and the demands of celebrity challenge his sense of self and personal values. Asmodeus' title as the Sin of Lust comes with its own set of expectations, yet his love for Fizzarolli transcends these. His protective instincts are often on display, particularly when Fizzarolli is in danger or vulnerable. Despite the initial portrayal of their relationship as hypocritical, the secret romance between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus is depicted as both sweet and healthy.

Despite one being a demon prince and one being an imp, and also portraying their partnership in public as purely lustful, Fizzarolli and Asmodeus' relationship is actually as healthy and romantic if not more so than Moxxie and Millie's, where the two are equals who look out for each other. Asmodeus' even lets Fizzarolli go out in public without him or an escort to defend him, despite Ozzie's concerns, because Fizzarolli wants to go alone, a far cry from if Ozzie truly didn't care about Fizzy beyond having sex with him. It's like if Stolas and Blitzø managed to work things out between them and had things be not so rocky.

Hard to believe, but aside from sex jokes, occasional rudeness and his grudge towards his former best friend, Fizzarolli stayed as nice and innocent as he was in childhood, despite all of his trauma. He does admit that it was difficult and challenging at first, but Fizzarolli finding someone who cared so much about him has led to him feeling like he leads a good life.

The relationship between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus is not without its trials. Asmodeus's deep concern for Fizzarolli's well-being is evident when Fizzarolli is taken hostage, an event that ignites Asmodeus's fury and prompts him to take drastic measures to secure Fizzarolli's safety. This protective streak is further shown in their interactions with Mammon, another Prince of Hell, whose abusive and manipulative behavior towards Fizzarolli causes Asmodeus to harbor intense animosity towards him.

In Season 2, Asmodeus reassuring Fizz at the beginning that he doesn't have to worry about being "perfect" for Mammon because perfection is impossible, and that he deserves a break or vacation without having to fend off creeps constantly.

Asmodeus' line when he rephrases his actual feelings in regard to Fizz being in Mammon's clown contest: "I don't like how many creeps you have now, thanks to Mammon. And I don't like designing sex toys with your likeness for him. Pretty sure you feel the same"; this one line has numerous, subtle but still important subtext that really shows how much Asmodeus cares for and respects Fizzarolli. Just the fact that Asmodeus is being honest about his feelings about Fizzarolli being in Mammon's competition.

In most forms of media, when someone doesn't like something that their significant other is doing, they’ll either dance around it until they can’t take it anymore and/or even lie to get their partner to stop. But Asmodeus doesn't do that - when his initial plea doesn't work, he gets straight to the point of him not liking it but in a healthy and mature manner. He doesn't put any blame on Fizzarolli for his own discomfort, instead putting it all rightly on Mammon's greedy shoulders.

Asmodeus' dislike over Fizzarolli as Mammon's brand figure not only comes from a place of concern and worry but respect. In the second sentence of his above-mentioned line, he mentions he does not like having sex toys in Fizz's likeness. Given that he's the King of Lust, one would think he would hardly care, but he does. Because it's his boyfriend using in such a way. Asmodeus also makes sure to note that he's also aware that Fizzarolli doesn't like the sex-bots as well. He's acknowledging not only his own discomfort but his partner's.

After acting like everything's all righr for the majority of the episode and having a full-on panic attack in his dressing room, Fizz finally pours out his insecurities to Asmodeus, telling him that he's terrified of losing him if he doesn't win the pageant because he feels that Ozzie's only with him because of who he is under Mammon's patronage. He even yanks his jester hat off - revealing his scarred, splotchy head and the jagged stumps of what remains of his horns - in an attempt to show Ozzie what he believes he is without Mammon: an ugly, broken, worthless imp.

"Crooked" is a sweet, simple song where Asmodeus and Fizz admit that while they both have their flaws and insecurities.

Asmodeus reassures him of his worth and publicly declares his love, a bold move that underscores the depth of his feelings and his willingness to face potential consequences for the sake of their relationship. Instead of the crowd being shocked or mocking the two, they are all instead excited and reveal they already had theories on it.

Crimson did call Ozzie's relationship with Fizz "the worst-kept secret in all of Hell." Nearly everyone in the crowd probably already knew or at least suspected. Which makes their reaction all the more heartwarming because it's acceptance. One of Ozzie's main worries was being seen as a hypocrite for being the incarnation of carnal hedonism while having a loving, monogamous relationship. It turns out nobody thinks that at all. The King of Lust has fallen in love, and everybody is happy for him.

#helluva boss #helluva boss analysis #fizzarolli #fizzmodeus #fizzarozzie #fizzaroli helluva boss #helluva boss asmodeus #asmodeus x fizzarolli #relationship #couples #true love #romance #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #hellaverse #helluva boss mammon #helluva boss fizzmodeus #why i love this ship

[genshinmenraisedmystandards]

{Won't you stay a little longer dear?}

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Prompt: Some hcs on genshin men/women trying to get you to stay just a little longer <3 (g/n reader)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and devious lies >:]

Characters: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Rosaria, Ningguang, Beidou, Xiao, Ayato, Yae Miko

Notes: these got pretty short near the end my bad 🙇‍♀️

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:readmore:

You came round for tea to talk about a new antique collection opening up at Mingxing Jewelry

You were talking and having such a good time that the time itself escaped you

Realising that you were getting ready to leave as you just refused a cup of tea and was asking the whereabouts of your outing jacket Zhongli couldn't help but feel a little sad, after all he hasn't had this much fun in aeons.

"Ah, Y/N, speaking of the new diadem they're about to release I believe i have a similar set of bracelets and charms in my collection, would you like to see?"

"Oh I couldn't, its much too late I'd hate to intrude" you did really wanted to see it as the diadem caught your eye when you saw it but you didn't want to come off as rude.

"Nonsense, stay as long as you'd like, even stay the night if you must, now where did I keep that box?" He stood up searching around his cabinets to find the box with the said look alikes. You stood up and followed him into the other room admiring other objects around his house such as different ornate tea sets, amulets of shining cor lapis and noctalucas jade.

"Ah here it is" Zhongli took out a wooden box with a few carvings on top and blew it free of dust, when he opened it up you could only be shocked at the pure craftsmanship the relics showed. "Oh my Zhongli, where on earth did you get this?" You stepped forward seeing the charms and other assortments of trinkets shimmer in the candle light like stars in the reflection of Luhua pool. He held up a necklace with 4 main charms, one depicting a phoenix on the far left, one a blazing dragon on the far right and in the centre ribbons of clouds were present. "I think this one in particular would look stunning on you".

You were business parter and a childhood friend of Diluc

You visited the Dawn Winery to talk about preparations for the upcoming Wienlesefest

Diluc was already so used to your presence and the very sound of your voice he didn't realise that the meeting was finished as you organised different accounting papers and stall renting contracts

"Y/N, come here a moment please?" You were just packing up when you looked up and saw Diluc standing by the stairs infront of a painting depicting Diluc's old family Manor, the same one he sold when his father died.

As confused as you were you complied and got up, looking at the painting he was standing infront of, "Whats the matter Master Diluc?" Standing this close to him made you nervous, ever since his 4 year departure he had greatly changed and it still had yet to full render to you as all you could see was the hardworking and adventurous Diluc of the past, the one who wouldn't hesitate to throw a smile to any passerby in the streets.

"Please, drop the formalities, Diluc will do just fine" he missed the way you would call him Diluc without care, calling him is nickname "Luc" if you were feeling cocky much to the love annoyance of Diluc and the amusement of Kaeya.

"Yes of course, Diluc, what is it you need?" trying to remain as formal as possible lest you get too casual and slip up. "Do you remember when me you and Kaeya would run under and over the grape trellises much to the chagrin of the staff?" He let out a low chuckle as he went back to the past, remembering simpler times.

Times that are now long behind you both.

You weren't around at Kaeya's in any official capacity, just visiting him as a friend

You just got back from your 1 month trip in Liyue to celebrate the Lantern Rite but in the meantime you left Kaeya awfully lonely

You were just nursing a glass of dandelion wine when you looked out the window, seeing only the pitch black of night and the streetlights of Mondstadt

He followed your line of sight, knowing immediately that you were aware of the time, he always was but didn't want to point it out so he could bask in your company just a little longer

"It was lovely seeing you again Kaeya but it appears I've overstayed my welcome" You got up from the comfort sofa, put on you coat and picked up your bags.

Personally Kaeya thought there was no such thing, you could stay as long as you'd like, infact he wouldn't mind if you decided to move in right then and there, but right now he wanted your attention just a little longer.

"Don't go just yet dear, I've yet to let you taste the good wines I saved up for us, you wouldn't let me and the 50 year oak barrel aged expensive wine down now would you?" He gave a small pout trying to coax you into staying, he actually got the wine for free after a little pestering of his dear brother Diluc, going on how it was for a "special occasion" and he wouldn't dare rob his brother of a "shot at love would he?". Dilux totally would "rob him of his chance at love" if it wasn't for Adelinde convincing him to cave.

You glanced over at Kaeyas admittedly convincing face and the wine that gave out such a fragrent aroma. "Fine, but it better be good" you sat back down and poured yourself a glass. "Trust me, my wine recommendations are never wrong" he smirked at your face as you savoured the flavour of the wine.

You and Rosaria were out at the tavern as usual, you guys were regular drinking buddies as she had gotten tired of taking care of Kaeya when he got too drunk

You didn't exactly have the stomach or the liver for that matter to keep up with her so you mixed in grape juice with your wine to stop you from throwing up half your body weight

Seeing that the patrons were dwindling and Charles who was manning the bar seemed to be cleaning up the counter you told Rosaria you guys should probably get going now

She didn't want to be kicked out of the tavern so she agreed, but wanted to crash at your place claiming "I'd never hear the end of it from the other sisters if I came back drunk"

Getting her back to your house was surprisingly easy, you took her up to your room and decided to sleep in the living room. Placing her down you go get a pillow for yourself when you hear her whisper;

"Y/N, get over here a sec" you made your way over to the women, she grabbed your arm and pulled you into your bed.

"Its your house, you should atleast still sleep in your own bed" she nonchalantly said and immediately fell asleep.

You're gonna be stuck with this one for a while it seems. But to be completely honest, you wouldn't have it any other way.

You were good friends with Ningguang far before she became the Tianquan or even as rich as she was now.

Both of you were celebrating the outstanding success of her latest business pursuit

It was incredibly late but knowing she definitely had the room you asked if you could stay over for the night

"Why of course, it would be dangerous trying to leave when its this dark but you see....." Ningguang tapped her nail guards against her ornate teacup in thought, "I'm currently having the only spare room renovated, it seems you must sleep in my quarters, no bother."

You hadn't heard or seen any evidence of construction but you just assumed either they were out late or ordered to not leave anything so to keep up the Jade Chamber's prestigious image. "I'd hate to intrude in your own quarters but, if needs must" You didn't give much argument, rather liking the idea of sleeping in the same room as the almighty Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing, someone almost untouchable, not to you atleast.

"I will inform the staff to move your items to my quarters, i'll be there in a bit as I have some work to finish up." She stood up and made her way to her desk as one of her assistants guided you to her room.

Ningguang infact didn't have any leftover work, she just desperately needed to sort out her raging blush as to not alarm you.

She'll have to do something about this soon it seems.

As a distinguished member of the crux fleet you and the other members were enjoying one of your weekly celebrations to keep spirits up

Beidou insisted you sit next to her, for 'no reason in particular'

She drinks as she usually does, god how is she still alive? Thats another question

As everything was settling down you told the captain you were going to get on one of the rowboats and sail back to the harbour to meet your family

You hadn't drank anything so you were perfectly sober

"Thank you so much for the celebration captain but my family are waiting, tell the crew to not fall overboard in a drunken stupor" Freeing the boat from the ropes you were about to jump in until your 'honourable' captain stumbled over and cut the rope either her knife making the boat unaccessible.

"Whoops my hand slipped, guess you'll have to stay here sorry" she grabbed your shoulder and brought you back to the rest if the crew, she didn't leave your side all night.

Ah your beloved captain with her love and alcohol drunk shenanigans.

You first met the illusive adeptus Xiao when you got into some trouble with a group of treasure hoarders, you're adept at fighting but you forgot your weapon at the wangshu inn where you were staying.

As the man with the crossbow loaded in his bolt you saw nothing but green and black

When your vision cleared you saw the group on floor, not dead just incapacitated and a figure standing in the middle

You recognised him from ancient scriptures and illustrations and also the proud mother hen rambling of Verr Goldet.

You said your thanks to the guardian yaksha but he teleported away mid thanks, you weren't gonn let him get away that easily!

Climbing up the multitude of stairs up into the top balcony was harder than you thought, most likely because you ran back to the inn all they way from guili planes.

Once you made it up all there was that proved the Yaksha presence was the smoke of green and flakes of black. So he tried to play hard to get huh? Well that wasn't going to stop you. You sat down in the middle and gave your thanks, nothing too sweet or formal but archons you hoped he was here or you'd just seem like a lunatic if anybody saw.

The Yaksha was definitely here, you could his presence. You started to tell stories of your travels, how you were born in Fontaine but the strict rules amd etiquette was not to your tastes, so you left. You went on about your life again, hoping he was at least listening, for what felt like a few hours, as the moon was about to take its podium at the peak of the sky you thought it'd be best if you went to bed now.

"Well thank you, hopefully if you were listening, for time o' great adeptus of wangshu inn" you let out a chuckle, you couldn't take yourself seriously when you spoke like that, "but alas I must retire now, goodnight. "

Just as you were breaching the threshold into the building you heard a worship and suddenly a gloved hand with an anemo vision was on your wrist, you heard a gruff voice behind you but you didn't dare look back. "Wait...I.. uh, would like to hear more if thats ok." For someone so feared he acted so shy, thats adorable.

You once again wordlessly sat down again and began where you left off, the presence a little closer this time.

Looks like you were going to be telling stories for awhile.

You were long time acquaintances with the Guuji, Yae Miko as you used to be a shrine maiden but resigned since your mother got sick and you had to take care of her.

You always tried to visit the shrine as much as you could since you had made many friends and was quite popular in your time there.

Sadly the Guuji rarely made and an appearance whenever you were on shift but you've met about 3 times. All of them featured relentless teasing.

Many of your colleagues faced the same "endearments" but somehow you never noticed how Lady Yae's comments always seemed so personal

She knew what your favourite food was, the days you prefer to be present at the shrine etc

As you were packing up your incense after praying for your mother's good health and saying goodbye to your friends, halfway down the path leading down the mountain you came face to face with the Guuji Yae herself.

"Good afternoon Lady Yae" you greeted her as formally as you could, former boss or not she still deserved respect due to her social standing....that and you feared what would happen if you didn't, only the Shogun knows what happens to those who disrespect the Lady Kitsune.

"Ah, little one, yes how are you and your mother keeping up?" Her usually snarky tone wasn't present today, strange. "We're getting by, thank you for your concern, Lady Yae." You bowed your head slightly to show gratitude, but what you didn't expect was that when you raised your head, the Guuji Yae had her hand outstretched.

"Please do accompany me for some sakura sake and mochi, the ones I ordered just arrived, i'd love it of you'd join me"

Who were you to say no to the Guuji Yae, especially not when she sounded oh so genuine.

You were a long time retainer of Kamisato Ayato, the work you did in the Yashiro Commission was something your prided yourself on.

Taking care of the two siblings, preparing meetings, sorting out any refreshments and fetching Ayato his necessary boba, according to him

You wandered how long this place would last without you, as you seemed to do everything that's way above your pay grade, but nevermind, if you get to help thats payment enough.

After sorting out merchant documents and foreign visas for the upcoming iradori festival, you were about to head out when you felt something on your wrist.

"Is anything the matter My Lord?" You immediately thought that you must've left some paperwork unfinished, caught up in the small chit-chat you were having with the Commissioner while going about your tasks.

"Yes, I believe we missed some work on the transport needed for the foreign guests" He said calmly, letting go of your wrist. Last you checked he sent those to Ayaka to complete as she insisted to help.

"Did Lady Ayaka not complete them?" You asked, starting to worry for the ladys health as she never once let a task go unfinished. Immediately his face went red, maybe he forgot he sent them over? Or...?

"No, that was a lie, Ayaka completed them, just spent more time with me?" He eventually fussed up and gave you the best pleading look he could, in that moment your "regal" Lord resembled a lost puppy in the rain.

Who could expect you to refuse? You were even tempted to give him a kiss on the cheek to try and lift his declining mood as the silence went on.

mwah

"Thats your answer My Lord,"

Ahh, the commissioner and his ways

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Notes: How was that for the first fic i published here? Still getting used to the format and all but hey, anyway I hope you have an amazing day/night and stay safe <3

[Mildly edited]

#genshin #genshinimpact #fanfic #diluc x reader #diluc x you #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #kaeya x you #kaeya x reader #rosaria x you #rosaria x reader #ningguang x reader #ningguang x you #beidou x reader #beidou x you #xiao x you #xiao x reader #ayato x reader #ayato x you #yae miko x reader #yae miko x you #zhongli #diluc #kaeya #rosaria #ningguang #beidou #xiao #kamisato ayato #yae miko

[misscammiedawn]

Dissociative Identity Disorder in Mr. Robot

So I have been writing little essays about Mr. Robot recently.

Dom's Sexuality, Gay Marriage and Whiterose

Back to the Future and Brainwashing

Today I wish to talk about the DID representation in Mr. Robot.

Actually I want to talk about the DID representation in the Hulk comics but there are 40 years worth of storylines involving it and it would require me to write about clinical understandings from the 1980s when it was called MPD (admitedly Mr. Robot's stumbles at the finish line with some of these same outdated treatment models) and that would take a while. Suffice to say it will happen eventually*. I shall make a new tag "Media Myself and I" and post it under that when I have more time to do it justice. Maybe I'll do others. I am uncertain. I believe I want to focus on positive depictions where there are no murder alters. The goal is to get people to want to enjoy things, not to steer them away. I have a few shows and games in mind at the very least.

Regardless… Mr. Robot is an easier topic to cover and is my hyperfocus of the moment.

So Mr. Robot is a show about isolation in the modern world. It's a show about socioeconomic stress, late-stage capitalism and what it means to enact meaningful change on a broken world.

But above all it is about the healing journey of Elliot Alderson, a man with dissociative identity disorder.

I say that at the start because Elliot's condition is never named until the final episode. In many ways a realistic depiction of a real world disorder was an afterthought noted in the final hour of the journey as a means of justifying the split personality trope and hiding a final twist. In spite of that the roadmap for the show was always leading to this destination and along the way they managed to get some fairly good representation out of the mix.

Season 2 even involves the only time I have ever seen a piece of fiction depict "blending" on screen. Blending isn't a symptom listed in either DSM or ICD manuals. It is, however, something one would hear about if they had a conversation with someone who had DID. I have used that scene to depict what it feels like to my partners.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I love Mr. Robot. It is currently my favorite show of all time. If you have never seen it then please give it a shot. This post will be spoiler heavy and I'd hate to rob anyone the opportunity to watch S4E7 and have a pure emotional reaction to it. The show is on Amazon Prime and the full box set is available for $35-50 depending on format and vendor.

Go with my blessing.

-

The first season of the show begins with Elliot Alderson (Rami Malek) living a double life. By day a cyber security expert and by night he spends his time at his computer hacking people's accounts and satisfying a "little itch in the back of his head" that guides him to uncover the murky facts about people. The first scene of the show has him take down a cafe owner who hosts an illegal and deeply unpleasant website. I have seen individuals walk away from the first episode thinking that the show is "Dexter but with computers" but it is more lulsec activism with a Fight Club aesthetic.

The show has 4 seasons and each season depicts a different stage of Elliot's healing journey and with it completely different rules and depictions of his condition. I'll break down each season for what they do right and what they do wrong.

Season 1: Discovery

Elliot's system in season one is undiscovered but he has overt symptoms, meaning he is unaware that he has any alters but he suffers from clean breaks in his consciousness and drastically altered behavior patterns both which are a detriment to the "hidden" nature of the condition.

Commonly most people do not discover their condition until their 30s. I was 37/38 when our therapist started guiding us towards accepting our condition.

DID manifests in childhood but it's a hidden illness that does its best to go undetected. The point of the condition is to remain hidden. The internet and the educational resources it offers are helping younger individuals to recognize their symptoms and advocate for themselves at an earlier age but the standard medical understanding is that most people are developed adults before they are diagnosed.

Published statistics for DID indicate the global population of those with the condition is about 1.5% (some organizations argue the number should be higher due to how difficult it is to receive an accurate diagnosis, but 1.5% is the most consistent figure) which is rare but not to the point of never encountering it. For comparison, according to a 2023 census 1.0% of people in the USA identify as transgender. There are no tested classifications for Covert vs Overt display of symptoms but it is widely agreed that an overwhelming majority of cases within the 1.5% are covert.

We learn that Elliot is desperately lonely, abuses morphine and has paranoid delusions about men in black stalking his every move. Whenever Elliot is on screen we can never be sure what is real and what isn't, so there are times when men wearing black suits are on screen and we cannot be sure if Elliot is paranoid or delusional.

The show takes place through his perspective after all and we are a character in the show.

See… the narrative device of the show involves Elliot speaking to "friend", us. The audience. "Hello, friend." is a common refrain spoken throughout the show. The narrative begins a short while after Elliot had a complete mental breakdown and smashed up a server room, he is seeing a court appointed therapist, is socially paralyzed to the point of which we see him linger outside a birthday party and retreat home to cry in loneliness.

The entire first season Mr. Robot is depicted as another character, akin to Tyler Durden, a wild revolutionary who wants to encrypt the data of the world's largest bank in order to seal the debt records and reset everything back to 0. He starts off appearing in scenes involving the men in black stalking Elliot to mingle him in with the paranoid delusions and eventually begins interacting with him in earnest. Though the reveal is treated as a twist 8 episodes into the show Elliot does accuse the audience of knowing the entire time and he refuses to speak to us for some time, even going as far as to keep secrets from us because he cannot trust us any longer.

It's at this point that I will note that media depictions of DID tend to lean heavily on the phrase "it's a visual medium" and depict ways that characters can see, interact with and communicate with alters/parts in a dramatic setting. Off the top of my head Hulk is about the only form of fiction I've seen where the temptation to do this doesn't take over and even then the old "other face in the mirror" trope shows up there.

So for what it's worth the paranoid thinking and hallucinations are not DID symptoms and typically a person with the condition cannot see or hear their alters. In fact a testing criteria included in the MID exam is to rule out schizophrenia by eliminating the possibility that the voices heard are external or that any hallucinations exist. In Mr. Robot they are likely caused by Elliot's morphine addiction, but he gets clean after season 1 and Mr. Robot is always there.

There are some plot elements which I want to talk about but they do spoil the final "twist" of the show. So I want to warn again that anyone in the process of watching should be warned we are getting into entire show spoiler territory.

The Elliot we see in the show is the result of the stress fueled breakdown that Mr. Alderson had 6 months prior to the show starting. The timeline is fuzzy in my head but there were two triggers which set him off and began his condition flaring up (and/or caused him to lean harder into his drug addiction which in turn fueled his condition). The one we know about is that he was locked in a server room and forced to work long into the night on an issue and the already upset and stressed Elliot snapped and had a black-out.

We come to learn that he has had these his whole life but this is the first time such an incident occurred that he couldn't self-justify what had happened. He smashed up a server room, something he felt himself not capable of.

But the second trigger is the more important one.

His sister, Darlene, moved to NYC and started visiting him.

The bigger and better twist of season 1 is that Elliot and Darlene are siblings. This is hidden from Elliot and the audience for the first 7 episodes and her presence is treated much like Marla Singer from Fight Club, of whom she likely contains some inspiration, where she keeps showing up in Elliot's apartment and acting overly familiar with him.

In the earliest episodes when we are learning about Elliot's lonely life he looks at a photograph of himself and his mother at Coney Island. Due to some hallucinations we know that Magda is an abusive mother and screamed at/hit Elliot a lot. We learn more about her in future episodes and she is a truly horrible parent. Likely more than was ever depicted in the show.

The photo is actually of the full Alderson family including Darlene and Edward but is not shown as such until the reveals that Darlene is Elliot's sister and Mr. Robot is modeled after Elliot's father. The photograph is a reference to Back to the Future.

But it also is a fairly good visual representation of self-filtering information, even when it is contradictory in nature. This is common not just in DID but in all forms of CPTSD.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that develops during prolonged exposure to trauma and makes radical changes to the nervous system. CPTSD is considered a root of DID and it is universal for those diagnosed with DID to have a CPTSD diagnosis also.

One of the ways CPTSD symptoms manifest is "Emotional Avoidance". The nervous system is activated when triggers related to the trauma exist within the person's life. In order to function their brains push away these reminders and naturally avoid interacting with them. This causes those with the condition to become withdrawn, to isolate and to have distorted and often contradicting patterns of thought. For instance Elliot needs connection and safety that he associates with family but his family were his primary abusers and so he edits his memories to focus on positive associations such as a family trip to Coney Island that has become an obsession to him in adulthood. We later learn that Elliot's obsession with movies was born from it being his primary way of connecting with his father... which is fairly relatable.

His positive memories of his parents are held in high regard even though we know that his father "pushed him out of a window" and his mother used to put out cigarette butts on Darlene, tried to force her to commit animal cruelty and is often depicted in hallucinations as beating and screaming at Elliot.

In a case where it is impossible to avoid the traumatic trigger, for instance the return of relative who is a living reminder of his abusive childhood, the individual may begin to dissociate. Dissociation being where a person, overwhelmed by what they are experiencing has a separation from their normal state leading to a disconnect from emotions, sense of self and reality.

Episode 8 in particular contains a visual depiction of it when Elliot is having a quiet meltdown over finding out he has a 2 day deadline and his boss at work has known about the server exploit he installed all along.

(the show often uses the camera in ways to emphasize emotional walls, dissociation and isolation like this. This sequence does so by having hard cuts, shaky cam and frantic pace melt into a gliding slow lull where the background noise filters out and we can share in Elliot's distance from his situation for a moment)

Elliot's form of blocking out is extreme but has half a foot in reality (and half a foot in the logic born from the "twist" ending) in that in order to continue interacting with Darlene he views her as a member of Fsociety and edits out their connection until it is revealed in episode 7.

A small brilliancy about Fsociety is that the entire group is formed around Elliot and Darlene's need for childhood safety. The hacking elements of the show undoubtedly born from 9 year old Elliot spending time at Mr. Robot computer repair with a smile. The anon-mask that the show uses comes from an in-universe movie that Darlene and Elliot watched every Halloween and their base of operations is Coney Island. A place that both siblings seem to associate with safety and happiness...

Which is extra messed up when you factor Season 2's revelation that Darlene was kidnapped while on a family trip to Coney Island.

Darlene's panic attacks, need to feel special and her abusive upbringing are not the topic for this essay, but I wanted to make mention that Magda was such a horrible mother that a 4/5 year old Darlene thinks of being kidnapped from a family trip to Coney Island as one of her most precious childhood memories.

The desire to reach into the past and change things to create an ideal future is a heavy theme of the show and I feel it's important to note that though the Alderson siblings reject Whiterose and her scheme, they are both living in an almost literal fun house distortion of the few unambiguously GOOD childhood memories that they each have and have wrapped them around themselves like a protective blanket.

The plot of season 1 gets a lot more uncomfortable when you realize how much of Fsociety is two traumatized kids recreating positive elements of their childhood and trying to live inside of those memories while lashing out at those who took their father away from them. The entire plan is centered around events from 1995. The show takes place in 2015.

Mr. Robot himself is, of course, the ultimate symbol of that take on events.

Edward Alderson was a monster. He's referred to as such overtly in Elliot's detox fever dream. Everyone asks him who his "monster" is while handing him the key that we learn was to his childhood bedroom. A key that he hid to prevent Edward from entering his room late at night.

Yet throughout the first 3 seasons of the show we are only shown him in context of the positive memories that he and Elliot shared. Elliot was 9 years old when Edward passed away from leukemia.

At a point, Elliot is picked up from school. He has a bruise on his cheek and the scene begins with Edward asking "If I had to guess, you didn't tell Principal Howard your side.", assuring him it's okay to share his side of the story. Because Edward is convincing him to tell his side I am going to assume Elliot got into a fight but it's not impossible to assume that the school pulled Edward in to discuss the signs of physical abuse on the child. Edward would never tell Elliot to tell his side of that story so I assume it was a fight.

It's unclear if Mr. Robot is the one who participated in those fights (we only have 2 confirmed instances of Elliot's alters showing up in childhood. The window incident and the day Edward died) but Edward picks him up and protects him from his mother's wrath and bonds with him during that drive, he reveals his diagnosis to Elliot before inviting him to work with him at the computer repair store. Likely this is what leads to Elliot's hacker skills being born.

A hauntingly similar event in my own life is why I am a photographer.

Given that the majority of Season 1 has Elliot in the dark about his condition we are only given context as to why he is the way he is and see the display of dissociative symptoms which manifest from CPTSD. Mr. Robot existing at all is actually not required for this to be a good depiction of adults who grew up in abusive environments and the way they maladaptively cope.

I also want to give a little praise to the "itch at the back of [Elliot's] head" that shows up when he feels the desire to hack someone or dig deeper and the way he pushes forward with his own will until he calms down enough to let a creeping hesitation overcome him and prevent him from acting.

Passive Influence is part of DID. It's a situation where a "fronting" (that is to say part that is in control at a time) performs an unthinking action or is emotionally swayed by the influence of another part/alter that is not presently conscious. These are one of the biggest ways that the condition flies under the radar for many. When they are close to discovering proof of their condition they will often feel an unconscious push away from it. The phenomenon is fairly easily brushed aside internally as "a gut feeling" or an "impulse" but it's observable under the right conditions.

An instance I can think of in my own life is when our survival part is trying to push people away and our emotional part desperately tries to reach out. I will often find my hand grabbing a person's wrist and clinging tightly to it without even noticing that I've done it.

In the show Elliot is compelled by Mr. Robot when he feels someone is a danger or has a weakness that can be exploited. Part of him knows he needs to do something about it and so he lets himself be guided.

The season ends with The 5/9 Hack succeeding, all the financial data being encrypted and Elliot sent to prison for (minor) hacking charges.

He knows who Mr. Robot is now and he fears him as his enemy.

Season 2 (and the book): Exploration

The first 8 episodes of Season 2 are a filter for those watching the show, many drop off. Personally I love it but I can see why it's not for everyone. Season 2 is much slower than the first and Elliot is in prison for those 8 episodes. He's also imagining that prison is his mother's house.

That daydreaming coping mechanism is largely there to add a fairly unearned sense of mystery to a character development season and make things a little more visually interesting. For the most part I don't really want to focus too much on it or the way Elliot treats "us"/"friend".

The fact is that for this season Mr. Robot and Elliot are in direct conflict but they are feeling out their landscape and trying to find common ground. They are pulling in different directions but they are reacting and responding to one another. The show uses a chess match as a visual symbol of this and in such they are keeping one another in a constant state of check. They are opposed to one another but they are communicating and working things out.

So let's start by looking at the book. The book is a recreation of the in-universe journal that Elliot keeps while he is in prison. We see him writing in it during the show and the entire thing is available, it even includes little ARG elements to let you decode the messages Mr. Robot is receiving from The Dark Army.

The book is detailed like this and it's possible to note when Elliot's handwriting turns into Mr. Robot's handwriting. There are even points where there is "blended" handwriting. It's easy to spot in the above image because Mr. Robot writes with a heavy hand and in all caps where Elliot is soft and uses lower case, in the top line of the second page "you NeeD atteNtioN aNd aRe Willing to pay a lotta MoNey to get it." you can see Elliot slipping from one headspace to another while becoming upset at society.

Even still if you look above the FUCK SOCIETY image you see Elliot's calmer handwriting as clear and flowing.

When we were in denial of our condition we poured through journal after journal and chatlog after chatlog hunting for evidence to prove or disprove the theory.

It was when I looked at our old gaming journals (we took notes in pen/pencil live during TTRPG sessions because memory issues are gonna memory issues) that we noticed similar. Cursive used in some phrases, individual letters separate on another, the letters g and y getting curled at times and not at other times.

Subtler than what is displayed above but no less real.

Season 2 introduces us to Ray the warden brilliantly played by Craig Robinson. He empathizes with Elliot because he speaks to his dead wife as a means of coping with grief and assumes that Elliot is the same.

He offers Elliot guidance by asking him to play chess "against himself" and this leads to Elliot and Mr. Robot playing endless games of stalemate against one another with deletion on the line for the loser. It's the same brain and neither side wants to lose (nor do they truly want to win, Elliot admits as much in Season 3 that he likes having Mr. Robot and misses him when he's not around) and as noted above with passive influence, the games are always guided to end in a stalemate because no matter how opposed they are as forces, they both want the same things.

So... how about the Sitcom episode?

Elliot breaks his promise to Ray and looks at the website that he is tasked with doing tech support on. It's--- not good.

Ray uses a combination of crooked cops and convicted Neo-Nazis to have Elliot beaten into submission so he won't report what he saw. Elliot cannot handle this and has a mental break and wakes up in a 90s 4 camera sitcom world.

Alf is there. Because old episodes of Alf are playing in the medical ward at the time Elliot is being treated for his wounds.

The entire time he is taking a beating Mr. Robot is protecting Elliot by fronting and forcing him into an inner-world fantasy.

Okay... so Inner-Worlds.

In the show we actually had one of these in Season 1 during the detox trip but I want to talk about it now and round back and talk more in Season 4.

Inner-Worlds are a thing within DID treatment. Emphasis on the word treatment. It's one of the more commonly misunderstood things within discussion on the condition because it's regularly reported as part of the experiences within those who are diagnosed with DID but it's important to know that the existence of the diagnosis indicates the existence of treatment.

During any adapted 3 or 4 phase trauma treatment program that includes parts work, whether this be Internal Family Systems model which is used for individuals who do not have DID or system mapping and stabilization for those who do, the patient must work on creating a "meeting" space to visualize (or sense out emotionally for those with aphantasia) and much of the work of developing safety and structure within comes from filling that space with comforts and generating communication between parts.

I'll talk more on the "conference table" in Season 4.

It is possible for those not going through therapy to create one outside of the context of a therapeutic alliance but the creation of one is an intentional act. Not something that comes free with your childhood trauma.

Elliot's trip to the inner-world keeps him from experiencing any of the beating that the body is receiving and at the end Mr. Robot earnestly says he only wanted to take the punches for Elliot, nothing more. Elliot falls against him, tearful and whimpers out "Thank you" before we are given the flashback of the day Edward picked up 9 year old Elliot from school after the fight and confesses his leukemia.

For the record, my heart swells every time I see Mr. Robot acting as a protector.

So, let's talk S2E9 and the "blending" incident.

Blending is what happens when two parts/alters are co-conscious and are present enough that they are sharing control of the body. It's an uncomfortable experience. Co-Consciousness means that more than one part/alter is actively perceiving the world at any given time.

It's more complicated than binary yes/no. Every one of these experiences exists on a spectrum and no two people with the condition experience it quite the same way but there are levels of presence that one has.

The following is me talking more from anecdotes and personal experience than textbooks. I like to be clear when I'm not being academic because I do not want to spread misinformation in my arbitrary analysis of TV shows that will get 20 notes on Tumblr Dot Com.

Front is to be driving the body, to have your inner monologue playing (if you have one, most people do, but it's not a given) and have your emotions interact with the nervous system if you are grounded enough to feel your experiences. As I said, it's a spectrum. Everyone gets dissociated at times and can just go into auto-pilot or a trance. That all still counts as being in front.

To be conscious but not front is to exist in an emotionally reactive state. If Fronting is driving then co-consciousness is to be in the passenger seat.

It's truly difficult to describe and my therapist doesn't even fully comprehend it despite her being the one who educates me on these topics. Presently as I type this I can only feel one of our system (5 parts) active and "with" me right now. She's not speaking but she's reacting. I can feel her apprehension to us typing this much about our personal life, little flits of paranoid thinking that we'll get anon-hate or that people from our former life will see this and judge us. It's a presence and exists on a gradient. She's "awake" right now but I do not consider her fully "co-con" because if I asked her to tell me what she thinks about this sentence I can feel an emotional reaction (apprehension) but not a direct answer akin to "I think you should edit out references to our journal and focus on talking about the show" (which is what I imagine she would say right now). That's the spectrum.

Closer to the front a part/alter is the more direct communication happens.

There's also "asleep" and "dormant" when they are unresponsive. Pretty self explanatory. Elliot's system has 5 parts(plus "friend") and until Season 4 we only really see Mr. Robot and the main character version of Elliot. Magda and Young Elliot show up in hallucinations in Season 1 and Young Elliot is co-con in Season 4. Magda never shows up outside of emotional flashbacks and the inner-world.

So after Elliot and Mr. Robot combine forces (though Mr. Robot is still working with the Dark Army and is trying to move in secret) they have moments where they rapidly switch and cannot keep straight who is fronting at any given time.

There's a scene where Elliot is in another room thinking to "friend" when he hears an argument in the next room and realizes Mr. Robot is in the argument. As he walks in, Mr. Robot is surprised to see that Elliot is aware when he is fronting and he trails off and they switch.

Mr. Robot says that something feels off about how they are acting and that they feel like they're overheating.

A later scene depicts Elliot phasing out mid-conversation on the subway and picturing himself in the next car observing Mr. Robot talking to Cisco while a passenger plays erratic music on a keyboard.

That is such a horrifyingly accurate depiction of something we live with that I was stunned to see it on screen. I've included it in some of my stories that go over living with these experiences but the idea is when we are stressed out, can't keep our head straight and are blended like this we tend to have snippets of music playing over and over in our head. We also get what I refer to as "static" and that seems to be relatable in support groups.

A++ for the show depicting something about the DID experience that simply does not get spoken about outside of the spaces of people dealing with it. It was the moment I knew they actually spoke to people who experience this stuff and did proper research that wasn't just media depictions and medical textbooks.

The final part of Season 2's wild ride I want to talk about is the "lucid dreaming" bit.

Mind awake. Body asleep. Mind awake. Body asleep.

This again goes into Overt DID which I cannot comment on as much as covert depictions but the idea is that Elliot trains himself to remain awake when Mr. Robot takes over. We have seen from the blending experience that he is starting to remain when Mr. Robot is active and so he tries to force himself to stay when Mr. Robot is active.

In therapy this would be achieved through trust, communication and awareness. It's said in communities that systems tend to become more overt as they go through treatment as they are able to identify lines, parts can advocate for themselves and there's better understanding of what "self" means for every alter.

In my experience there's also an element of trying to pretend to be consistent and whole. We were coming out transgender when our therapist guided us towards DID diagnosis and there was a lot of tearing ourselves apart because we needed to act in a certain way for our safety and inability to do so put us at risk of being targeted. In accepting our system we have stopped trying to be the same individual and that has lead to a more overt presentation. As I tell my therapist "we need to act out our gender expression anyway. Every action we take is a performance."

That is to say, Mr. Robot has never attempted to maintain the illusion that he is Elliot Alderson (albeit he never identifies himself. He's even surprised to learn that Elliot calls him that) and Elliot doesn't even know he is "The Mastermind".

In opting to remain hidden and conscious he gains a greater degree of control and agency in his situation.

These things get easier as you learn your condition, build system trust and allow yourself to experience that which you feel comfortable experiencing. With the example of the beating earlier, Mr. Robot shut Elliot out and took the beating for him and Elliot resisted but ultimately did not want to be present. In this episode he learns that if he wishes he could have pushed through and been there and experienced everything, albeit as a passenger rather than the driver.

Therapy also teaches how to "go into the back room" to maintain stability. A technique that lets you volunteer to not be involved in a situation. My system all use this whenever I (Dawn) perform erotic intimacy of any kind. They cannot handle the thought of associating with those acts and prior to treatment it would emotionally disregulate our nervous system if parts that couldn't handle the concept were to be present during those moments because parts of me would be trying to dissociate while I am trying to act. It would either trigger a switch, cause blending or make a part shut down and become unresponsive for a large period of time- one of our partners actually discovered our system this way. She saw us shut down during a scene and realized it wasn't just a "mood swing" as we had insisted.

Elliot learns how to intentionally open up and be present when Mr. Robot is active and because Plot happens he is shot and decides to use this skill to close himself off and create a stronger divide between parts.

Season 3: Rejection

If Season 2 was the pair working things out on a chess match where they keep one another in check then Season 3 is after Elliot has tossed the board and decided to shut Mr. Robot out completely.

The arc words are "battling in our own voids", in Season 1 Mr. Robot was always aware of what Elliot was doing but Elliot was unaware of Mr. Robot's actions and in Season 2 they were fairly co-conscious to the point of overheating. Season 3 the connection is shut down. Mr. Robot has no concept of what Elliot is doing and Elliot no concept of what Mr. Robot is doing.

This goes back to the Overt/Covert thing mentioned at the start. It's a rare thing even within a rare disorder to have that level of amnesia barriers between parts and so I can't really comment on accuracy. It's a frustrating season for me in that regard because Season 2 was doing so well at depicting something that I have lived through that going back to Fight Club tropes was fairly disappointing to me.

Season 3 is great by the way. It's a debate on if 3 or 4 is the best but it's close enough that there is a debate.

The real meat of the discussion, spare for the events of the final episode where they reconcile, is in how other people treat them and talk about their condition.

Angela Moss is Elliot's childhood best friend and also lost a parent to the disaster that claimed Edward Alderson's life. She discovered Elliot's condition during his breakdown in S1E8 and was brainwashed by the show villain Whiterose in S2E11 (I have a write-up of the psychological principals at play with the brainwashing here).

In Season 3 she acts as Elliot/Mr. Robot's handler and is responsible for helping Mr. Robot continue his hacktivist terrorism without Elliot finding out. She betrays Elliot and exploits his condition. She also tells people about it without his knowledge or consent, which is pretty fucking monstrous in my eyes.

Don't out a person. Just don't do it.

When Mr. Robot asks how she can tell who she's talking to she responds "Your eyes. You're never trying to look away." which is accurate enough that I messaged my girlfriend to be sappy and grateful towards her as the first time she noticed our condition she told me it was our eyes.

From a 2022 IM chat, shared with permission:

"it's ... well, it's [...] your eyes soften, kind of, when going to Cammie. Dawn has this piercing gaze, like she's looking right into my heart and soul. Camden is just very alert, noticing so many things but not the level of piercing. Cammie... her gaze is softer. More focused, but in a ... drinking everything in, rather than seeking it out sort of way"

and added today when I asked for permission to share the quote:

"(for the record, Craig draws his eyebrows down in a particular way that makes his gaze intense in a good way)"

The show works as hard as it can to never let the audience wonder who they are seeing on screen at any time. Most scenes where Rami Malek is depicting Mr. Robot it is a brief perspective view to remind us what the other characters are seeing before switching back to Christian Slater playing the character. There are a few scenes which involve Rami playing the character for a full sequence. One is the context for a flashback where we see a scene Slater performed through another character's eyes where they see Malek.

The others usually involve us being in Darlene's perspective to highlight her unease and uncertainty of what is happening with her brother.

The only scene where it is ever treated as a surprise is when Darlene plants a bug on Elliot's computer while staying overnight and is roughly interrogated by "Elliot", only to realize midway through the conversation "Jesus. It's you".

The camera cuts back to reveal it has been Mr. Robot the entire scene. They avoid that trick throughout the show so it has large impact when it actually happens.

I feel like that scene (as well as the scene where Elliot wears the real Mr. Robot jacket and gives birth to the 2 Stage plan to take down Evil Corp) are important for reminding that no matter how differently Malek and Slater play their roles, to an outside observer they are the same person and when he acts "out of character" it could easily just be an emotional outburst.

Incidentally you can see the physicality of the acting if you go back and watch it again.

The end of the season has Elliot, betrayed, alone and terrified for the safety of his sister; finally reach out to Mr. Robot and open a dialogue.

He even goes out of his way to have this discussion on the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island both as a Season 1 callback and as a sign of trust. Elliot admits in this conversation that he missed Mr. Robot while he shut him out and wants him to be part of his life and in the season finale Mr. Robot says that he wants the two of them to keep talking.

Elliot also finds out that the window incident wasn't his dad pushing him out of a window. They jumped. Elliot asks in a kind and soft way to Mr. Robot, representing both his protector and an element of the loving father he wished he had, "did you know?"

Mr. Robot, the one who jumped. The one who wanted to protect Elliot from Edward says nothing. But he finally feels an alliance form with Elliot.

The road to healing finally has opened.

Season 4: Integration and Fusion

So let's address the elephant in the room right away. The show uses the word "real" to describe the Elliot who existed before the show started and considers him to be the only legitimate alter. There is enough wiggle room within the show to think that is in-universe ignorance but the show does nothing to prevent the fumble at the finish line.

I want to say upfront and before I start dissecting this season that outdated models of DID believed that there was a crack formed in a person's sense of self and that healing involved restoring the identity prior to the crack.

This is 100% UNTRUE and it upsets me that people once believed it. DID is formed in childhood during a time of a person's life (between ages 4-9) where the child is taking in data from their surroundings and integrating it into their socialized survival mechanics to form a personality. The child is working out what traits it can exhibit to receive nurture, care and protection from other humans and will adapt to those processes. Attachment Theory goes into greater detail about how this relates to the formation of psychological disorders, especially personality disorders.

For a traumatized child they will find that their environments do not offer consistent and reliable safety and thus they are unable to adapt to a version of their reality where they are able to maintain stable safety. This may be horrifying forms of physical, emotional and sexual abuse placed upon a child and is often depicted as such but it can also be a confused child trying to get affection from a cold and distant parent or having a parent who abuses alcohol and becomes inconsistent in their ability to give affection and care. Child psychology is a heavy and depressing field, sadly.

The result is that the child never forms a permanent sense of identity. This is a large factor in the formation of Borderline Personality Disorder and is why DID and BPD are so often thrown together within medical treatment and diagnosis. It's at the point of which when my therapist gave me our diagnosis she presented a clinical list of "myths" regarding DID and "BPD is the same thing as DID" was 5 on the list of 6.

The point of this detour is to say that there is no original self. A person who has DID never managed to form a stable sense of identity in childhood and thus they find themselves acting as chameleons in their day-to-day life, adapting to what they feel they need to become in order to receive the things they need from their surroundings. It's why there is a stigma in the BPD community over the concept of being "manipulative". In reality people with that condition are unconsciously adapting to their environment as a survival mechanism. With DID the added layer of dissociation is there to help the self function even when they are forced to interact with materials that are incompatible with their ability to function.

Pre-show Elliot was living a fairly comfortable life but his emotional needs were not met and at the time he was alienated from his sister. He was miserable and lived in a society that he felt was crumbling. His daydreaming gave birth to "The Mastermind" to remove the threats from his reality and Mr. Robot who had been there all along went into Protective Sicko Mode and decided to expedite the process in a way only a protector's morality could.

We'll get into system roles a little later.

The point is that day-to-day life Elliot (Janina Fisher's book "Healing the Fragmented Self" refers to the part untouched by trauma as the "going about daily life" part) is not Real. He is not The Original. Those terms do not exist and are meaningless in this space.

True/Real/Orignal-Elliot is as much a construct as Mr. Robot. He's a version of Elliot who does not have to think about the trauma, he can just live a happy normal life. The kind that Elliot speaks often and derisively about in Season 1.

With that out of the way, I'm going to ignore the bad use of language and talk only about what is depicted on the screen and not said out loud. Because if you remove the misconception about real/original from the mixture, this is a perfect depiction of final fusion model healing.

Season 4 introduces us to the conference table in the inner world. A conference table is a therapeutic technique used in trauma therapy where you bring the alters/parts to a conference. The idea is that it needs to be a neutral ground where everyone is comfortable and able to share their thoughts and ideas. With practice it can be a space one can close their eyes and imagine, seeing their system and allowing communication to happen between parts.

Mine is based on the Minerals Gallery in the Natural History Museum in London. I refer to it as The Library. You didn't need to know that but I didn't want to discuss this section without mentioning it.

Elliot's is the conference room in Evil Corp where he and Tyrell spoke in the first episode.

Interestingly enough there are only 4 seats in this set. I'm not sure what the implication is here as in the scene depicted above Magda (Persecutor Alter) is scolding Young Elliot (Child Alter) for sitting in a chair that isn't his. They mention all 3 alters who are not present (Elliot, Mr. Robot and The Other One).

My thought is that this is the show going all in on the idea that Elliot ("Real") is not an alter and does not take a seat at the table. Which I have issues with.

I'll note as I did with the inner-world that this is a therapy technique and not something Elliot would just have in his mind. It's an accurate depiction of DID treatment but Elliot isn't being treated for DID. Krista is no way near close enough to be able to help Elliot. She's wonderful and deserves the world and more for how she handles things in this season but she's in the pre-stabilization phase of therapy where she knows more than Elliot is willing to accept and needs to wait for him to come around.

Speaking of Krista. Episode 7 is the greatest hour of television rivaled only by Ozymandias from Breaking Bad and the M*A*S*H finale. At present it has a 9.9 on IMDB.

The episode is structured as a bottle episode in way of a 5 act play depicting the stages of grief. This is the episode where Elliot peels back to dissociative layers and understands the truth. The truth of what his father did.

I won't type it.

I don't need to.

The next episode involves Elliot seeing Young Elliot and following him to a museum exhibit with a model of Manhattan. In Season 1 when Elliot had his psychotic break after realizing Darlene is his sister Darlene and Angela checked this location stating it was a place he used to go in times of crisis.

It turns out when he was young Elliot hid the key to his bedroom here to prevent Edward from getting in. All these years later adult Elliot (or "The Mastermind" if you prefer, which I do not) discovers it and has a heart-to-heart with his younger self, screaming into the emptiness that he's sorry for not protecting him. Sorry for letting him get hurt.

The scene is lit in the golden hues that symbolize safety in this show. The final season also takes place during Christmas in New York so it gets to show off that color palette more often which is great for symbolism and aesthetic.

Young Elliot shows that the act of hiding the key from their father was protecting him. It was fighting back. Sometimes surviving is the best you can do and you need to forgive yourself for not being able to do more.

God I love this show so much.

That episode ends with the scene I most want to just overtly show off to an audience.

I already loved the show. The final episode may have broken my heart a little with its talk of "Real" but this scene? This scene gets it.

Prior to the above video clip Mr. Robot cautiously approaches and says "Hey, kiddo". Something he always says. It's who he is. Regardless of anything else he, Mr. Robot, is designed from the father Elliot wishes he had and when he hears Mr. Robot-- no Edward's voice he tenses up in terror, allowing the above scene to take place with Mr. Robot so scared that he has failed as a protector by allowing Elliot to remember and that he cannot be there for him any longer because of who he is based off of.

Those with the condition commonly create alters who are based on the traits of those in the child's life at the time the symptoms developed. I... have experience.

The lines I want to focus on the most are:

Mr Robot: If I could go back in time and change everything that happened to you... just make it all go away...

Elliot: Then I wouldn't be me... *He turns to finally look at Mr. Robot* ...and I wouldn't have you.

The final arc of the show is where the "Mastermind" twist takes center stage and Elliot enters his inner-world and finds out that he created a peaceful reality for "Real" Elliot to exist in so that he is unharmed by the horrors of the world that is crumbling in reality. Mr. Robot, as a protector, wanted to expedite the whole hack and destruction of capitalism in order to rescue "Real" Elliot from the inner-world prison. In time he came to accept "Mastermind" as a part of the whole and not a rogue alter who was endangering the body and their "Host".

S4E13 lays it all down. An imagined version of Krista speaks directly to Elliot and explains the system and their functions. Mr. Robot a father and protector who could prevent Elliot from intolerable situations. Magda, a persecutor who blamed Elliot for the abuse. Young Elliot, who Elliot could push the traumatic situations on, a common thing that many do unconsciously in CPTSD situations, dissociating from the person the trauma happened to, disconnecting until they are just another version of self.

Elliot then says "I guess she doesn't know about you." referring to us, the audience.

Krista(*) looks into the camera and addresses us directly, calling us the voyeurs who pretend we're not a part of it even though we have been here for it all. She even claims we are on her side in getting "Mastermind" to accept he is a constructed personality who was there to lash out at the society that caused him so much pain.

"You loved him so much you wanted to keep him safe, no matter the cost."

The episode ends with "Mastermind" Elliot waking up in a hospital and reuniting with Darlene only to realize that she has known the entire time that the person we have been following throughout the show wasn't her "real" brother.

...and god damn it I hate this element of the show so much.

I'll accept that they had very little time to clean things up and needed to get a way to have Mastermind agree to the fusion. I'll even demonize Darlene and say she was being selfish and ignorant in saying something hurtful because she missed the version of her brother that existed before Fsociety.

But Our version of Elliot says that he loves her and she doesn't reply. Her disappointment and resignation causes Our Elliot to go back inside and agree to the fusion.

The show ends in a first person perspective of Darlene seeing her "real" brother wake up and that's it. I'm glad we never actually see "Real" Elliot, that feels fitting.

Here's the thing about that last minute fumble though.

Let's talk about Integration and Fusion. They are different things.

Integration is when dissociative barriers come down. The system is stabilized to the point of which the alters are capable of communicating openly, sharing thoughts, memories and experiences and every part has the ability to opt in or out as life goes on.

"Functional Multiplicity" is what happens when a system is in harmony, no memories are being withheld and the system is able to go about everyday life with minimal disruption or disregulation. It is a valid goal for trauma therapy and there's a decent amount of medical stigma around it being used as the goal and not a step towards the goal. Many clinicians prioritize the appearance of normalcy over the function of the individual(s).

Fusion is when you go the extra step and take this communication and sharing of memory and experience and as you tore down the dissociative barriers you tear away the division between parts.

A system is made up of parts that make up a whole person and Fusion is the process of all parts uniting to "become" that whole person. It is a valid and normal goal for treatment. It shouldn't be held up as the only legitimate method of healing but it shouldn't be demonized for being an option. I say this because I have seen some people in support communities get real upset when the topic comes up.

The final sequence of the show, prior to Elliot opening his eyes, involves the system at the inner-world conference table agreeing to go through with it and walking towards a cinema screen. Elliot says this will only work if we go too.

The family (and audience) sit down in the movie theatre and memories flood onto the screen and pour out until all experiences and emotions are shared in one pool and Elliot Alderson opens his eyes with all 5(+audience) alters fused into one.

It was almost perfect if only Darlene hadn't have rejected the "not real" brother.

The cinema screen projecting memories, all the thoughts and experiences being shared as the Alderson System accept their parts in the whole and agree to the process? It was a beautiful visualization of a healing journey.

There are imperfect moments here and there. There are great moments I skipped over such as S3E8 (I'm not up for talking about Self-Deletion today) but all in all it's the best depiction of DID for a main character we'll likely get on TV. It's a whole and complete narrative and I love it so much. It makes me feel seen.

#dawn posting #mr robot #dissociative identity disorder #elliot alderson #did #plurality #domo arigato mr alderson #media myself and i #watch me post my trauma in public #Youtube #media essays

[boy---interruptedd]

Alfred's Playhouse Commentary.

Alfred's playhouse is a vent show I recently discovered made by Emily Youcis. I will be addressing the actual content of the show before I move on to my opinion on Emily herself so please hold fire until the end because I KNOW what you're thinking.

TRIGGER WARNING - CSA, SH, CHILD ABUSE, NAZISM, GRAPHIC IMAGERY.

(Not all these themes are discussed in my post but you should be aware of these before watching the show)

Alfred's Playhouse features main character Alfred, who is a dog described in the introduction song as desperately attempting to escape his painful reality. I agree that it is genuinely disturbing, but I'd like to address its vague poignancy and how it deals with its themes.

In the first episode, we see what I think (as a survivor myself) to be the most accurate representation of how it feels to be sexually assaulted I've ever seen. The moment where everything is odd and numb and quiet followed by pure panic and rage.

The first episode also displays mental instability incredibly well. I've struggled with my mental health for the past six years and honestly the scenes where Alfred just rambles about essentially nothing at all, addressing an imagined audience, accurately represents what feels like the descent into madness many mentally ill people are convinced they go through. The thought that you've lost your mind is an extremely painful one and Alfred's Playhouse depicts that with surprising levels of accuracy.

Episode two, however, is essentially just this massive showcase of Alfred brutally harming himself. Though it portrays the very common desperate desire for attention many people experience when they struggle with self harm, myself included, I feel the level of gore is a little gratuitous, displaying Alfred almost bleeding to death from the wounds he's inflicted upon himself. That being said, it is a vent show so I see why Youcis made the decision. She never really made it for other people it was a way to make herself feel better. Then again, it was her decision to post it publicly.

Episode three essentially explains the whole show from a weirder perspective and honestly I don't want to go into it since I have so much to say and it's quarter past 11 at night and I have college tomorrow, but it is a good episode with the context of the show.

Overall, though it is important for assault victims and mentally ill people to have content in which they feel seen, I feel Youcis should have toned her work down a little before posting it. However, the Internet was a wild west in 2007.

Now onto Youcis herself, I feel it is incredibly unjustified to attribute her current political views to the show. She fell down the alt-right pipeline after publishing Alfred's Playhouse. This is almost definitely because of her downward spiral. It's not uncommon for groups like the alt-right to target vulnerable people like Emily. She has so clearly been crying for help for years and, though there's no excuse for her words or actions, I feel you should take her art for what it is rather than apply a made up meaning to it. The depictions of Nazis in the show - I think - are more a commentary on her childhood trauma and the themes of the show, Alfred feeling his life is dictated by someone/something else. While there's definitely better content in the genre and in general, the massive controversy surrounding Alfred's Playhouse is - in my opinion - unwarranted and really just watch it with an open mind and separate it from current Emily because she wasn't like she is now when she made it. Instead of hating on the present, understand the past and don't be overly shocked when mentally ill people do fucked up shit, especially when they've received the kind of backlash Emily Youcis faced.

Final disclaimer- I don't support her actions I hope she burns I just want people to understand things how they actually happened yk?

#alfreds playhouse #emily youcis #analogue horror #robin rambling

[masterdetectivexx]

Hi Detective, what did you think of Movie 26?

Movie 26 (Black Iron Submarine) Review

Raw feelings:

I'm completely speechless by this movie. It was way beyond any of my minimal expectations. It was extremely good!

I was baffled out of pure disbelief at how much main plot stuff they were revealing in this movie to the point that my brain fried. You could immediately feel that it was a movie you needed to rewatch multiple times in order to fully digest and appreciate its greatness. It was pure fanservice in the best way possible, not the botched M20 way, where fanservice scenes didn't feel earned, mystery being completely gone and main plot/cast characters getting sidelined. Everyone had their moment to shine.

After 15 years, I get a DC movie that finally topped M13 as my new all-time favorite DC movie. I was so thoroughly satisfied that I couldn't help but clap at the end.

Haibara (Sherry)

Haibara truly shined in this movie. Not only did she have proactive role in rescuing herself, Naomi and later Conan, but her personal romantic feelings, childhood past and current relationships with her dear friends were further fleshed out. I was floored by the degree that she got exposed, to the point of the OG antagonist Vodka standing right in front of her next to Pinga, ready to kidnap her, and then later interrogating her about her identity.

I truly adore how the movie also revealed what started the bullying she went through in America (protecting her fellow half-japanese) and how Naomi's story complimented Haibara's childhood. It was a beautiful touch having Haibara's childhood classmate Naomi realizing Haibara's true identity by the end of the movie.

I also love how the movie depicted how highly Haibara viewed Conan/Shinichi and his protective reassuring face. It was cute seeing her face light up with happiness when he showed up. I was shocked, but also very appreciative of how respectful she was trying to be of Shinichi's relationship with Ran (more than the fandom clearly) that she went to the degree of passing on her CPR kiss with Conan to Ran.

Mizunashi (Kir)

Kir was one of the big standouts in this movie. You could truly feel the shift in spotlight focus between her and Bourbon, seeing as Bourbon was truly put in the backburner for Kir to get more shine, and it was perfectly handled and a true overdue for her (since she has been neglected in the franchise overall). I couldn't stop grinning and appreciate her nonchalant stunts to aid in Haibara's escape by pretending to not know how to open the exit tube in the submarine so Vodka could thoroughly explain it as Haibara overhears everything through the transmitter.

I especially loved her less indirect and confrontational move towards Gin, when she directly interferred with his murder attempt of Haibara & Naomi, and how she calmly talked back at Gin when he aimed the gun at her. She was a true badass worthy of her NOC title, that I've longed to see in the series, only to get it in this wonderful movie.

Pinga

I really enjoyed Pinga's role in the movie as well, and especially appreciated how he wasn't written to be similar to Irish and Curacao (who had a more sympathetic antagonist development) but rather to be a more selfish greedy psychopath with more ambition than Gin, but less talented. It was interesting to learn how he was deep undercover as an engineer for interpol since 5 years back while disguised as a woman.

I especially enjoyed seeing his fights with Ran, and how she became a troublesome enemy for him (giving Ran good spotlight like in M13), as well as how Conan straight up shit-talked to him while giving Gin praise in comparison, to the point of riling Pinga up.

Vermouth

Vermouth was the true MVP in this movie. She had such a central role in saving Haibara from the organization's suspicion. It was extremely exciting to see Vermouth immediately sensing the potential of Naomi's All-age Recognition System (ARS) and how it could expose the boss identity and whereabouts, but more importantly to her, expose Shinichi's shrinking, that she'd rather keep hidden like a pandora's box. I was shocked and loved how she manipulated the Boss into giving her the order to destroy the ARS for his own sake, when she in reality wanted to not only conceal the current APTX shrinking effects from him, but also protect Shinichi. The way she used her disguising skills to invalidate the ARS' accuracy was just a genius move by her.

The biggest surprise to me was how she was revealed to be the old woman from the start in disguise, who was given the sale ticket for a Fusae brand brooch by Haibara out of selfless kindness, and how Vermouth was basically revealed to also be repaying that kindness back to Haibara by protecting her from the BO, further deepening her motivations and multi-faceted nature in such a beautiful way as she gazes at the confused Silver Bullet (Conan) who is questioning them after getting Bourbon's intel.

Rum & Karasuma Renya

The Biggest shocker in this whole movie was without a doubt the big reveal that Rum, the no.2 of the Black Organization, is unaware of the Boss' whereabouts in recent times and that, apart from having Pinga request Naomi to sell the ARS to them so they can modify it and also use it to erase the BO's activities in security cameras (according the boss' orders), had intended to use the ARS to locate Karasuma Renya (the Boss).

This was a huge bombshell reveal, yet to be revealed in the manga, that further clarified the current ongoings within the organization. It basically as good as confirmed that the Boss is hiding a de-aged form from his subordinates (including his very close associate, Rum) and that no one other than Vermouth is aware of his hidden whereabouts. This revelation is further supporting my "Child of seven (Nanatsu no ko)" theory (the Boss being a shrunken 7-year-old who is only contacting his subordinates through phone to hide his child appearance and maintain authority). This also further established a distrustful relationship between Karasuma Renya and Rum, seeing as the Boss has kept Rum out of the loop, and how Rum has persisted to locate the Boss against his wishes, creating a very small divide within the organization's power structure. This is extremely exciting for the future of the series and has gotten me very hyped for what's left of Rum's development in the Rum climax.

Conclusion

This movie was overall a 10/10 product, that gave all the fans outstanding fanservice. Conan's devotion to save Haibara, Ran's supportive contribution to the point of almost getting shot, Agasa's deeply moving heartfelt tears after Haibara's kidnapping, Kuroda's helpful backing of Conan, Bourbon's informational support and Akai's loyal aid in taking down the submarine were all just the tip of the iceberg. All the beautiful callbacks to canon events were also among the best of the fanservice. I especially loved Haibara's callback to how a child (Ayumi) had once changed her life through their actions (File 437), Pisco kidnapping her despite wearing glasses (File 240), Ran reminding Haibara of Akemi (like in File 434), Kir's callback to her father sacrificing himself for her in response to Naomi's cry (File 604) and all the moments Haibara recalled when Conan comforted and moved her (Bus hijack, Haibara intro, Reunion, etc).

Gosho's involvement in the story was clearly noticeable, just by the sheer quality of the movie, and all of his many drawn keyframes were beautiful.

Screenshots

#detective conan #movie 26 #black iron submarine #sherry #haibara ai #ran mouri #bourbon #kir #mizunashi rena #vermouth #boss #renya karasuma #black organization #rum #gin #vodka #pinga #kuroda hyoue #kudo shinichi #Conan #hiroshi agasa #edogawa conan #naomi agento #shiho miyano #akemi miyano #greatest DC movie so far

[bikiniarmorbattledamage]

How do you feel about the character design of the spirit from dead by daylight? Her back story implies that her age is high-school or younger and the outfit, if you could call it that, makes no sense with it either. Another game that is fun but feels like it's being ruined by consistently sexist skins for other female characters.

From a more general perspective, the bigger problem with The Spirit, aka Rin Yamaoka, seems to be deliberate under development so that they can employ as many tropes and gimmicks as possible, without doing more than scratching the surface - and the general conflicts of what media is and isn't comfortable with.

Specifically a lot of it seems to be hung up in the idea that while men can be inherently evil or selfish in their violent motivations in infinite ways, women who become horrors generally conform to narrower tropes that almost always portray them as a victim.

If we want to move past this in horror and related genres, we need to not just support fictional women's rights, but also their wrongs.

Rest of the post is below the cut both because it is long, but also because it contains some disturbing imagery - however I think it's worth also just juxtaposing the promotional in-game depiction of The Spirit with the other very Japanese original horror creature in Dead By Daylight... The Oni.

I should also cover, there's probably a whole thesis worth of interesting discussion that could be had about the attempt to import Japanese horror into this game... but I'm really not qualified to speak on that in any meaningful way.

-wincenworks

Looking into it, her backstory makes it very ambiguous since her lair seems to be a house from an era where traditionally unmarried women would live with their parents well after the age of majority.

And the image that accompanies her lore seems to support this:

And if they'd stuck with that, she had the potential to be very cool in the same way that Hisako is. Unfortunately, they did not do the deep dive into that and instead... well.

I can completely understand why people would conclude she is high school or younger since they decided to dive into the Japanese Schoolgirl trope as well:

Which creates a lot of issues with the default design which is less bikini armor and more... she's supposed to be naked but that won't fly so she's got convoluted bindings on instead. I don't think anyone is supposed to fap to it, I think it's supposed to emphasize she was a vulnerable girl who has become a monster due to horrific wrong that was inflicted upon her. There lies the double standard.

Becoming evil due to having evil inflicted upon you is a staple of the horror genre, often in a manner that is very critical of the society it was created in but just as an exploration of potential or imagined evil. However, how its portrayed is often different for male terrors.

For example, Jason Voorhees has the victim of childhood bullying (culminating in being drowned at a school camp) and being raised by a very disturbed parent, he is the manifestation of rage and he looks like a buff blue-collar guy in a hockey mask. But like... he's in a different game so lets look at an example from Dead by Daylight.

Leatherface is, like Rin, both victim and perpetrator. He kills because his family commanded it, because he is scared of what will happen to him and because his life was shaped such he feels he has no choice to in order to keep living. This is what he looks like:

Nothing about this design projects his status as a victim, because for male slashers victimhood is supposed to be the twist, the unbelievable backstory - for female slashers its the rule, and the mandatory backstory.

Men can be the full range from victims to pure evil, women must always be victims who started with good intentions.

-wincenworks

#the spirit #dead by daylight #the oni #the cannibal #leatherface #rin yamaoka #horror #bikini armor #character design #ask #cooking-with-scorpion #commentary #video games #Bikini Armor Battle Damage #BikiniArmorBattleDamage #BABD

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi ! I see you giving lots of NaruHina recs, I am looking for any NaruHina fanfictions with them being in rival yakuza/gangs or just the fanfic placed in a yakuza/gang universe

Thanks ! ❤️

Hello! I've done this recommendation list before, but I think there may be new ones to add to it...

NaruHina Yakuza / Gangs AU

new ones:

"Savage" from "NaruHina Erotica Oneshots" by @makuro767 - Rated E, Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. Taking a deep breath, she focused on her current plan; escaping the Hyuuga Clan.

"Prey" by @sessakag - Rated E, Modern Crime AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. The moon aligns, a sacrifice is offered and he knows, she is his destiny. Following that midnight chance encounter with Hinata Hyuuga, a smitten sociopath, Naruto Uzumaki, tries his hand at romance, determined to make her fall in love with him the only way he knows how.

Here's the old list:

“When the Devil Picks Up a Stray” by callmesenorita - Rated E, A/B/O Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata, an Omega, questions buried feelings when she decides to help a childhood friend who has adopted a new persona under the name Menma. Although their attraction is instant he is no longer the Naruto she once knew, and soon enough Hinata is thrust into a dangerous yakuza conspiracy. DELETED FIC

“Bound” by suryass - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Series of One-shots/Incomplete. Mafia AU-Collection of oneshots.

“July - Movie-Inspired” from “Still Falling For You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto and Hinata peacefully live with each other. Well, almost peacefully…

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E for a lot of things like depictions of violence and character death, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. - His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control.  DELETED FIC.

“Opposites Attract” by KyuubiLover100 - Rated E, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Citizens of Konoha all know that “The Light cannot exist without casting its Shadow.” It’s the unspoken system that the city runs on. Everyone knows their place and their roles. Those in the Shadows do what those in the Light cannot. Uzumaki Naruto knows this and has known this since he was young. Hyuuga Hinata knows this as well and understands her Father’s wished, but still…

“put on your warpaint” by @borzbois - Rated M, Tattoo Artist/College AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata meets a stranger with beautiful tattoos. She never could have guessed the turn her life would take when she asked to draw him.

“All Kinds of Wrong” by Kieren - Rated E, Infidelity/Modern AU, One-shot. It was ironic how something so pure had sprung from such a sordid arrangement. They were perfect for each other. But they had met at the wrong time.

“Pink Chiffon” by @scalding-coffee-cup - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. During the day, she wears pink chiffon and nude pumps; her glossed lips curve into an innocent smile. At night, she struts down the alleyway in black stilettos and wears a scowl on her red lips. The pistol is her most expensive accessory.

“Molasses” by EroPrincess - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Adult film star, Hinata Hyuga, encounters a fledgling underground kingpin, Naruto Uzumaki. Is it possible for a romance to blossom between two people from very different worlds?

“Second Chances” by enzhe - Rated T, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Namikaze Naruto was abducted, then declared dead. Twelve years after he disappeared, his parents find him: now a scrappy, reckless teenager, with good friends, a lot of trauma, and ties to the murderous, anarchist Nine-Tails gang. As the family tries to put itself together, trust breaks, hurts heal, and the power struggles that led to Naruto’s abduction resurface.

“Dirtbags// The Fox” by OwlwaysHungry - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and his friends end up having to work for a notorious drug dealing gangster by the name of Kyuubi after a not so satisfying night out.

“a home is a dream” by bluebeardsbrides - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto Uzumaki returns home with all the force maelstrom, three days after her husband’s disappearance and six years since she went and stumbled on Neji’s body floating in the creek downtown.

“Gangster AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites​ - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. This world is an endless cycle of destruction, no matter how hard you try to stop it and sometimes the innocent get involved in the crossfire.

“What He Wants” by agitosgirl - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata Hyuuga is an average girl struggling, and failing to stay on top of things. But everything in her life changes once she meets a handsome stranger at club. She knows that he wants her, but doesn’t realize that he has the power, and the determination to do whatever it takes to make her his, no matter the cost.

Untitled collab w/ @matchaball for anon by @utsus​ - Rated T, Modern AU, One-shot. Prompt: She’s his ace in the cards that no one sees coming (that they honestly should’ve seen) and yes: she dislikes violence.

If anyone knows of others, please feel free to add!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this kind of AU.

#anon #naruhina fanfic recs #naruhina crime au #naruhina gangs au #naruhina yakuza au

[ichorai]

dancing choose ; wade wilson.

track three of DEAR SCIENCE.

pairing ; wade wilson x gn!platonic!reader

synopsis ; when you said he’d come crawling back to you on all fours—you weren’t really being serious.

words ; 2.3k

themes ; comedy, action, angst

warnings / includes ; strong profanity, graphic depictions of blood/injury/violence/trauma, mentions of getting drunk and high, sexual innuedos, wade makes fun of vegans i'm sorry, one mention of edward cullen our sparkly vampire, hulk's ben and jerry's ice cream flavor, dumpster flowers, rumor has it wade is still waiting for the avengers to reply to him to this day, getting beat up by girl scouts, mentions of carnage bcs yes carnage and deadpool did fight in the comics, and mhm wade is quite literally on his hands and knees for you in this one

main masterlist. 

Wade Wilson wasn’t good at life. If there was an award that went to the person who was the worst at existing, it’d go to him annually. He sucked at maintaining healthy relationships, consistently neglected his own well-being, and rarely ever took anything seriously. On the grand pyramid of shitty things that could possibly happen to a person, Wade was most likely at the very tip top of the food chain. He was the great white shark of the ecosystem that were unfortunate events that a person could endure—not that it was something to be proud of. Besides, Wade never really liked sharks. He’d much rather be a seahorse or something in the next life. If he could ever even get out of this life. 

You had once mentioned that he was purposefully sucking at life as some sort of coping mechanism for his childhood trauma, but he merely responded the only way he was really good at—like a three year old throwing a tantrum. He had stuck his fingers into his ears and yelled out, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA!” 

Besides, what were you, his therapist? 

No, seriously, though. What were you?

You had appeared into his life around three years back, when he crashed clean through several buildings in a row (thanks a lot, Carnage), eating mouthfuls of rubble and inhaling pure dust and shards of glass. After the fourth building he was thrown into, he crashed out of a window, stumbling into you, an innocent pedestrian just on their way to try out the new vegan restaurant down the street. He collided into you with enough force to send the both of you toppling over onto a busy road, asphalt scratching painfully against your cheek. Cars screeched to grueling halts only inches away from the two of you, angry honks erupting from a dozen vehicles at once. Wade almost had the gall to feel guilty for a second upon meeting your wide eyes. Then he spotted your trembling lips start to open into a horrified gape, which then gave way to the most awful, ear-splitting scream he’d ever heard.

He began screaming with you shortly after, because he promptly realized that his legs were gone and the pain was nearly enough to have him pass out.

“FUCK! FUCK, OH MY FUCK! SHIT! JESUS CHRIST, SO NOT COOL, CARNAGE! SO NOT COOL,” he yelled, using his arms to drag himself across the road, spitting out obscenities at the cars honking at him. There was a thick trail of blood and bits of mutilated flesh and skin following his severed knees, and you had to physically force your eyes away before you could feel your breakfast move its way back up your digestive tract. You pushed yourself up onto shaky feet, grabbing Wade’s suited hands and dragging him to the sidewalk with a groan. 

“What the fuck happened to you?” you panted raggedly, staggering away from him as soon as he wasn’t under the imminent threat of being run over by a white man’s dirty Toyota. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Wade winced, completely not fine. “They’ll grow back in a day or two. I’ve had my legs cut off way too many times to count.”

Your brows furrowed. “Jesus. You’re one of those Avengers folk, aren’t you? Fuck.” 

“Nuh-uh! That is so offensive. Just because I’ve got superpowers, doesn’t mean I’m an Avenger! I’ve been sending them my resume for months now, and they still haven’t gotten back to me.”

You had the audacity to roll your eyes. “Listen, hot-shot, I don’t know what I can do for you, then. I have a reservation I can’t miss. Are you gonna be okay on your own?”

“Ooh, reservation. Sounds fancy. Where are you going? You got a date or somethin’?” Here he was, bleeding out on the side of the road, and nonchalantly asking you about your love life. 

You blinked twice. “Yeah…” you started hesitantly. “Just down the street at that new vegan restaurant. It’s my first one with him and I don’t want him to think I’ve stood him up.”

“Must have a humongous penis to get you dressed up all fancy shmancy for the first date. At a vegan restaurant, no less! Listen, here’s a life lesson that I had to learn the hard way: vegans only gain happiness from two things and two things only—tofu and being mean to millennials on Twitter. Save your time,” he hummed glibly. You absentmindedly wondered if he was going loopy with the amount of pain he was enduring. Blood began dribbling from his nose and leaked past his cracked lips, and he sat up abruptly, spitting into his mask. “Oh, gross. Gross! Fuck, all I taste is blood now—Edward Cullen you nasty fucker. Look, I’m sorry to ask this, you seem like a really nice person and I really don’t want to drag you into my shit but I’m gonna drag you into my shit anyways. Do you have a place I could maybe lay low for a while? There’s this really awful alien after me and I don’t think I can take them without losing any more limbs.”

After a beat of silence, you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed heavily. God damn it—you couldn’t just leave him here alone, could you? “Yeah. Yeah, it’s just down a block. Let’s go.”

So, that was how you met him for the first time. Blew off a tofu-loving, millennial-bullying vegan (his theory, you never actually got to meet him), in order to save his ass from a goo parasite from space.

You quickly realized that this was nearly an everyday experience for him. It eventually became a routine pattern. He’d go out, get himself beat up by some otherworldly beings (there was that one time a gaggle of girl scouts beat him to a pulp, but he made you vow never to speak of that again). Then, he’d come slinking back to his apartment where he’d call you and whine until you begrudgingly agreed to come over with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s—specifically requesting the Hunka-Hulka Burnin’ Fudge flavor or he’d threaten to set himself on fire. Dramatic fucker. 

And sometimes he’d come to your apartment, dripping vermilion blood everywhere, or high out of his goddamn mind, or so drunk that he could barely formulate a coherent sentence. Usually it was some infuriating combination of the three. Nonetheless, you’d tuck him into your couch with a fleece blanket and a throw pillow he often complained smelled like nacho cheese, but he slept like a baby despite it all. 

And when you woke up? He was never there. No notes, no crude pencil drawings of dicks on your wall, no trace of him whatsoever. The process would continue to repeat itself a million times over, and you began to find yourself unsettled with your predicament. 

Who was Wade to you? A friend? A stranger? A man who occasionally slept on your couch and constantly made you worry for his well being despite knowing that he was practically immortal? 

The day you finally exploded at him, bombarding him with questions he had no answers to, he hadn’t meant to start yelling back. Insults were traded, scathing and cutting far too deep for either of your liking. He particularly remembered you hissing out, “Please, you can barely even function without me! You’re awful at taking responsibility for yourself, Wade! You don’t eat well, you barely ever sleep if not passed out on my couch, you’re always high or piss-drunk or beaten up halfway to hell! You know how fucking exhausting that is? Taking care of someone that doesn’t give two shits about you? I bet you wouldn’t last a fucking day without coming crawling right back up to my door on all fours! Like a little bitch!”

Wade knew you were just caught up in the heat of the moment—that this wasn’t really you. But damn if your words still hurt. 

The fact that so many of your angry tirades were falling upon deaf ears and a stonily blank expression only seemed to fuel your frustration more, pushing you to the brink of tears glossing over your reddened eyes. That night ended with you telling him to never come back, and you had to physically shove him out of your apartment, slamming the door with such ferocity that the floor rattled beneath his feet for a split second.

Wade had stood outside your door for a full minute before coming to and realizing just how much of an asshole he’d been. You didn’t owe him anything. Hell, the two of you barely knew anything about each other. He began knocking softly, asking you, begging you to open the door, apologizing over and over and over. Then, he proceeded in his attempts to bribe you—with chocolate bars, movie nights, free vegan dinners, the chance to shoot him in the ribs, he put it all on the table for you. He was in front of your apartment for hours. 

The door never opened. 

That was around six months ago.

Now, as he found himself back in front of your apartment after so long, things were different. He wasn’t wearing his superhero suit like he usually did, there were flashcards of what to say in his hands just in case he completely blanked upon seeing you, and clutched in his other palm were half-wilted flowers he scavenged in the back of an alley dumpster (listen, he didn’t have the time nor money to buy you proper ones, so it was the thought that counted). 

After rapping his knuckles against the wood three times, the door swung open. 

Fuck, Wade was nervous. Suddenly his sweaty fingers fumbled and flashcards were fluttering to the ground, making a mess of pink little cards, some filled with doodles of extremely realistic (a style commonly known as ‘stick-men’) depictions of what he thought he looked like while fighting bad guys, and other cards with his lines of what to say to you. He dropped to his knees, hurrying to grab at the scattered pieces of paper.

“I knew you’d be back,” you sneered, staring down your nose at him with thinly-narrowed eyes. “Jesus, Wade. It’s been… forever. I didn’t—I thought something might’ve happened—”

With a heavy sigh, you got down on your knees beside him, picking up some cards with a curious hum. “When I said you’d come crawling back to me on all fours… I wasn’t actually being serious, Wade.”

“Shucks,” Wade said, nervously taking the cards from you, uncharacteristically tentative. “And here I was thinking you were into that.”

Your expression immediately soured. “What do you want from me, Wade? Come to mooch off of me again? Make me care about you and leave just before things get heavy?”

“Y/N,” he breathed out, mentally going fuck it and setting the cards back down on the floor. “You’re wrong. All those months ago you said I couldn’t give two shits about you. I did—I do give two shits about you. In fact, I give so many shits that the toilet would be clogged with just how many shits I give about you! I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to care for someone properly. I don’t know how I’d do it right. But I wanna try. Please, Y/N, let me try.”

The way your jaw set made Wade swallow nervously. Then, the slight quirk of the corner of your lips made Wade tilt his head in surprise. “Are these… flowers? You got me flowers?”

“Yeah, but they’re from the dumpster.”

“No need to put yourself down, Wade. They’re lovely.” You took the wilting bouquet from his grasp with a mild grin.

He didn’t have the heart to tell you that he was telling the truth. Just as long as you didn’t stick your nose into them, he supposed he’d let you remain blissfully oblivious.

“So what are you asking?” you asked, thumbing the bruised stems of the flowers. “You wanna try being friends? Real ones?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that,” he whispered with a near watery chuckle. “Whose balls did I have to fondle in my past life to get lucky and crash into you all those years ago, huh?”

The way you wrinkled your nose in distaste made Wade snort. “Don’t be crass, fuckwad. I missed you, too, for the record. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean most of what I said that night. I was being really harsh for no reason. There’s nothing wrong with struggling with things like that, Wade, you just need a bit of help, is all.”

There was a beat of comfortable silence before Wade sighed, pushing himself up to his feet, dusting off his pants before offering you a hand up. You took it gingerly, opening the door wider for him to step in. 

Glancing once at one of his cue cards, he cleared his throat. “My name is Wade. Also known as Deadpool, founder of X-Force, and an Avenger-in-waiting,” he declared, gazing at you fondly. “I may suck at this whole living thing, but at least I look amazing while doing it.” When you shot him a halfhearted glare, he lifted his hands in surrender. “Kidding, kidding. I look like a chewed up piece of gum, let’s be honest. It’s nice to meet you… friend.”

The brilliant smile that painted itself violet over your features made just a slight fraction of the same expression mirror itself onto Wade’s face. “Nice to meet you, too. I think we’ll be getting along just fine.”

Wade Wilson wasn’t very good at living, but he liked to think he was just a little better at it now because of you.

#wade wilson x reader #deadpool x reader #deadpool fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #deadpool angst #deadpool fanfic #marvel fanfic #deadpool imagines #deadpool drabbles #wade wilson imagines #wade wilson drabbles #wade wilson scenarios #deadpool scenarios #wade wilson angst #wade wilson fanfiction #marvel drabbles

[quillkiller]

I have just seen this and maybe you have talked about it before but Effie x Walburga

I’m like shaken because I can’t imagine James mom ever wanting to be with someone probably cruel from birth. I mean they would have been together in the fifties, idk it made em giggle

would you all still love me if i said i was a walburga defender… :(

ok ive been pondering this all day, and ive also spent an insane amount of time on public transport trying to find a post i made in defence of walburga. @sugarsnappeases pulled up her laptop as my own personal hacker and stalker and couldnt find it either. however i found a snippet of an ’what are ur unpopular opinions’ ask and found this:

and that’s the gist of it. if anyone remembers the post i made or know how to find it pleaseeeeee send it to me. me and kara went through hell and back to try and find it :(((((((

anyway!

1. i hate the concept of people being born ’cruel’ or ’evil’. people are people and sometimes people do bad things. i think its important to still acknowledge that abusive people aren’t monsters who just couldn’t help themselves. abusers are people and those people chose to treat you like that. that was a choice they didn’t have to make, but they did. abusers aren’t monsters or monstrous. it’s important to me, due to personal experience, to remember that abuse is a choice. it allows me to feel betrayed and hurt and angry that a person chose to do that to me

2. i think walburga was a victim her whole childhood. atleast my own depiction of her. it’s different when she becomes an adult, has children, etc, and she should know better. there’s no excuse for her abuse towards her children/no excuse ever for abusive parents. and i want to be very clear about how there are NO excuses !!!!!! i am not team walburga and will never ever be team walburga !!!!!

3. walburga was a woman in the 70s, she held no power over orion what so ever. he was the man in the house. the head of the family. the abuse was allowed because quietly sat back and allowed it. absolutely ridiculous to me that walburga would be worse than orion. i simply think its an ignorant and misogynistic take. a silent father will always scare me more than the active abusive mother. like.. the patriarchy in the 70s in pure blood families ? lets be real here

ive seen posts saying orion was scared of walburga and thats why he never did anything. like are we being serious here. no way she got to choose her husband. and he’s a powerful man from a powerful family. in the seventies. why woud he be scared of her she has absolutely no power what so ever

4. i love exploring the womens narrative in the marauders fandom because their canonical narrative is based on sexism and the nuclear family. i guess you think it’s outlandish that effie would fall for walburga (cruel from birth) because shes james’ mother, and the anti walburga in the way she opens up her home and basically adopts sirius and makes a home for him ? to me that’s not interesting sadly :/ i love effiebarty because i get to explore good housewife effie tearing down her walls and acting on her desires and urges. like…. i want her to leave both james and monty behind out of pure selfishness. like.. im the girl writing the baby killing fic where lily is the sole survivor….

5. to me walburga is sort of similar to alicent from house of the dragon. what did she ever do that wasn’t expected of her? she was a girl in the 60/50s in a powerful family and had less choices than either reg or sirius ever did. she didn’t leave like sirius did. she stayed like regulus. and for similar reasons reg stayed probably. and she’s a woman. her sons are more priveliged than she will ever ever be. even disowned sirius is more priveliged than her.

6. i want to be very clear again. i am not a walburga apologist. i think there’s a clear distinction between her child- and adulthood. at some point the abuse becomes a choice. she didn’t break the cycle and she’s bad and rotten woman who abused her children. no excuses !!!!!!!!!! however. it is interesting exploring the circumstances which led to the woman she is

7. to actually answer your question. i dont necessarily care for effie/walburga but i can see the appeal. maybe i’ll get into it we’ll see……. like honestly they wouldn’t be that different from jegulus?

#walburga black #sorry that you came to the defender of problematic women for giggles and all she did was defend problematic women :(

[uriekukistan]

choso and/or megumi? :)

im so. i just spent so long typing this out only for the page to crash and delete everything i said. why does tumblr HATE ME anyway thank you for the ask i’ll try to remember everything i said the first time 😭

choso!!

favorite thing about them: his relationship with itadori is so cute! such a good brother! his facial expressions are so cute and silly! literally found out itadori was his brother and went “okay i’ll die for u now”

least favorite thing about them: the fact that they robbed him of his sick shoes in the anime. maybe something else will come up in the future but for now that’s it

favorite line: i got two! *in a life or death situation* can u just call me onii chan like once please please please please (paraphrasing), *facing kenjaku after finding out that they’re his dad and yuuji’s mom* “hey little bros look at this im gonna kill our parent

brOTP: gotta go w yuuji since they are in fact bros. his relationship w mahito is so silly to me tho, and i’d love to see him interact with todo!

OTP: i dont really have one. rn i think he’s too focused on his brothers to think abt that

nOTP: its not a no for me per se just that i think choso and yuki are very one sided. yuki clearly likes him but he’s too focused on yuuji rn

random headcanon: i can see him having a long skincare routine with a fluffy hairband

unpopular opinion: i think he is frequently mischaracterized in the name of fitting ppl’s sexual fantasies about him. ofc im all for having fun but i noticed it does impact broader perceptions of his character sometimes. could say this about any jjk man tho.

song i associate with them: mmmm maybe sunflower by post malone, don’t have a reason for it buy yea

favorite picture of them: have two

MEGUMIIIII

favorite thing about them: he is me i am him we are the same. realistic depiction of what it is like to be abandoned by your parental figure and then be told you’re “special” for some reason and now too much is expected of you but you never wanted this in the first place. i could raise him so well let me adopt him. I Will Take Care Of Him.

least favorite thing about them: can’t. that’s my son.

favorite line: soooo many but i think about “so start by saving me itadori” DAILY. hourly even.

brOTP: love his relationship with kugisaki. would love to see him with yuuta more for purely self indulgent reasons that are not related to my dancers au….

OTP: obviously gotta go with ITAFUSHI i could talk abt them for hours. a brain virus fr they’re everything to me.

nOTP: 🧑‍💻 megumi & sukuna, megumi & toji, megumi & gojo, megumi & mai, etc. i try not to yuck other ppls yum but uh. i couldn’t even decide which of these was worst.

random headcanon: uhhh this ones a sad one, but i think before gojo came along, he and his sister were starving (compared to other characters shown as kids he looks much bonier), so even into adulthood, he has a hard time gaining weight from the effects of childhood malnutrition and as a result, is a bit less physically strong than he could potentially be (still very strong tho)

unpopular opinion: you already know what im gonna say. most overhated character in jjk. yall need to get off his back before i get violent im so serious rn everything he does is a perfectly valid reaction to the trauma he’s been through since he was literally a toddler

song i associate with them: i got so many…recently been thinking of dreams of losing teeth by suave punk & moon i already know by mount eerie the most

favorite picture of them: soo many…unhinged megumi vs pocket sized gumi i cant pick

#not tagging bc uhhhh jjk fans scary #dont like sharing my ‘controversial’ jjk opinions

[detectivenyx]

Have you played more of your turn to die than the stream you did years ago? Can you explain a bit more about why you hated the game?

played more, no, but i found myself kind of bored by it by the end of the stream, reflected and found it plain and derivative. mentioned that to a couple of fans of the game on tiktok, and they assured me 'it gets good a few hours in!' and to be perfectly honest, that phrase tends to kill my interest in fictional properties like a tactical airstrike, because in my opinion, why should i have to waste my time waiting for your thing to be good, when you could've put the good thing at the start and gained my interest? the reality is, yttd's start is a massive cliche that is pretty much the cliffnotes version of 999's opening, and yttd came so much later to the party that what you could do in 2009 you couldn't by 2017.

there was also a push in 2017-2021 or so to make the mental illness depictions in your games 'more realistic', but what usually wound up happening was characters were entirely defined by their mental illnesses and these mental illnesses became used for pure shock rather than any kind of decent representation. ddlc did it too; sayori's depressed, yuri cuts herself, natsuki's dad abuses her maybe, monika has bpd, and the more i reflect on ddlc the less kindly i look on it because the one actually effective horror scene, sayori killing herself, is used purely as shock value, and is immediately followed up on with creepypasta bullshit, implying through structure that creepypasta bullshit is more horrifying than your childhood friend's depression driving them to suicide.

yttd seemed to have done the same in regards to poor utilisation of mental illness to supplement its horror; read up on spoilers that after joe mama or whatever the generic manthing guy's name was dies, the female protagonist susan can barely act because of her immediately on-set PTSD that causes her severe hallucinations and schizophrenia. not only is that the entire opposite ass end of the unrealism spectrum where you've circled back to being unrealistic, quite frankly, it's the worse one of the two, imo. a character seemingly unburdened by the murder that took place two days prior is usually more enjoyable and entertaining to watch than the person who needs a box of Olanzapine to be able to get out of bed, the guy unburdened by the murder tends to, you know, take actions and advance the plot rather than get dragged around by the neck for it. while there's a balance between monokuma and the students that makes it feel like a big strategy game, yttd just feels like a roulette wheel that everyone reacts to. someone die, big guilty hallucination session. that's not fun, i don't care what else is in there, you already lost me.

and i won't forgive the fandom for implying danganronpa had worse representation of queer people; however you want to call it, it wasn't 'the only confirmed queer character is only confirmed such in supplementary material and she is fridged offscreen to facilitate the character arc of her cishet sister' .

im sure that not every statement i've made is true or the reality of the game, but that's kind of the issue; i don't care enough to check. i was bored by the opening, which is in my opinion, the post that's the absolute worst to fumble. and i could just like, move on to something that was good at the very start.

[aspd-culture]

Do you have books/movies recommendation that represents aspd well fiction or nonfiction?

Hhhhh I was waiting for this question to come one day. The answer is lowkey v v disappointing.

Because... no, not really. I've got like three, two of which do what I consider a fairly good job, and one that rides the fence of being a lil "oh great, the ASPD character likes blood and guts and death".

Sorry this is so long-winded tldr Ender's Game (book only), House, MD if you can handle some not ok 2000's comedy, and Wednesday if you never get into the fandom.

In order of, in my opinion, best to least best (they're all still p good):

I tried to make these spoiler free but it's hard while explaining good vs bad rep. I would recommend going into Ender's Game blind without reading what I wrote about it and coming back to this post after. I would read the warning attached to the other two.

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (The book not the movie, oh my gosh, not the movie) - Peak ASPD right here. When I was a kid with ASPD, this is the only book I ever related to and I randomly picked it bc it was the third name on the mandatory summer reading list and 3 is my OCD's favorite number. It rarely lets me down, and in this case, brought me a seriously well-done look at ASPD done, possibly entirely without meaning to. Orson Scott Card, as far as I'm aware, set out to write a book about trauma and the way that different types of trauma shapes the mind in early childhood, and preschool aged children engaging in active military training is... woof. It's a lot when something that you relate to so much is a depiction of a war-era dystopia. There are definitely parts that still push the stigma, and a lot of what makes Ender "good" is the sympathy and compassion and "purity" he shows, so be ready for that. That said, this also shows how a kid can still fit the definition of a loving, innocent child even while actively engaging in violence. It's a bit preachy with its message, but it is a damn good book. I will openly admit I have never gotten around to reading the sequels purely bc they were not in my school libraries. I wonder if Libby has them... *takes mental note*. There are also questions about if Ender's siblings possibly have cluster b disorders themselves. I have seen theories that both Peter and Valentine have NPD, and a more controversial theory that Valentine has NPD while Peter has BPD and the book just happens to focus on demonizing him (as a character to make a point about him and Valentine, not because of the disorder) so it doesn't emphasize the non-splitting behavior. Just, do yourself a favor and don't read into psych articles about Ender's Game. They make a big deal out of Ender being a good character because he is "saved" by his empathy and just... idk the book is written from his POV and I don't see much empathy there. I see compassion. I see cognitive empathy. I do not see affective empathy besides with a couple Exceptions.

House, MD - the profile pic is for a reason. More than House, MD is a show about doctors or medicine, it is a show about House's struggle with his mental health. We watch him slowly get through the process of recognizing, adapting to, and working on his symptoms throughout the show. It honestly helped me before I even realized I had ASPD to improve my relationships with people by learning from his mistakes.

House is (minor spoiler) canonically diagnosed with "Antisocial traits" around season 6 I believe, but he experiences them the entire time. He is written as a character who I believe was supposed to have ASPD. If not, he is one of the most accurate accidents turned canon I have ever seen. That said, this show does not shy away from the negative aspects of ASPD. Many people say horrible things about House throughout the series, many of them he does not bother to argue with or deny. It is... really emotional for me sometimes to see how they speak to and about him and how he handles that. It's really good, but does have one very triggering episode about a "true sociopath" and House's struggles with relating to her also around Season 5 or 6. It's one I wouldn't skip if you're watching this for ASPD reasons, but House *does* try and separate himself from a "true sociopath" so be ready for some stigma. Also please note that this show is from around 2004. Lots of flip phones, ha ha ha, but also lots of excess stigma on things, somewhat homophobic and transphobic jokes, etc. Although, it is worth noting that it is a symptom of House's ASPD to make these jokes - he expects that they know he is not serious because of his tone and doesn't, due to lack of empathy, understand that these jokes are hurtful even when people know you don't believe what you're joking about to be true. He builds his team around making sure they can handle that part of him, which is a pretty decent thing to do, in my opinion, even though the right thing to do would be to change the behavior. But yeah, shitty early 2000's humor incoming with this show. I still 100% feel it is worth the watch, but I am white and thus have the privilege of feeling comfortable while watching it. Black people especially may be really (understandably) unable to feel comfortable watching this because the person that House worries is most similar to him and thus most threatening to his position is Foreman, who is a Black man, and thus many of House's "it's ok because he knows I don't believe it" jokes are targetting Foreman and many times they are racist jokes. He in no way solely targets Foreman, but that is there and it is extremely frequent. When you meet people named Taub and Thirteen, Jewish and fellow LGBT people will join the club in being potentially seriously uncomfortable with these jokes. I could handle watching it, ymmv.

The third and somewhat problematic lil sister, Wednesday (2022) - Hear me out, it is so good, imo, but I cannot interact with the fandom on this one and it loses serious points because of that. The reason that I can't? The entire fandom has decided that Wednesday Addams, a long-time rare ASPD coded girl, is autistic and "through the lens of Tim Burton" vs acknowledging that she is ASPD coded. Everything that can be an autistic trait, many have cherry-picked as proof she is autistic, and they openly choose to ignore a major step in diagnosis, making sure that the symptoms are not better described elsewhere. I will concede she may be autistic (although tbh I don't think so bc of her serious lack of stimming, - and no the SINGLE DANCE SCENE AT A SCHOOL DANCE doesn't count - lack of meltdowns, and affinity for sitting perfectly still don't read autistic imo), but she has ASPD. A literal therapist talks to her about "the source of (her) antisocial traits" and because she is a child, that is the closest thing to a diagnosis of ASPD she can be given. The girl is loudly ASPD coded just like the character Wednesday Addams always has been.

Further, there is a point to be made about the ASPD coded character being given her own show for it to turn out to be a m*rder mystery as well as her obsession with everything dark, broody, bloody, and macabre. Admittedly, in The Addams Family, that's everyone in her family not just the ASPD coded one but in Wednesday, she is the only character who likes those things so it's a bit ick in that regard. Still, I relate a lot to her and always have and people used to try n bully me in school by calling me Wednesday but my mom showed me it and said I reminded her of Wednesday as a compliment when I was little and I always took it as one after that even when I knew they meant it in a mean way.

Unfortunately, ASPD, unlike many disorders, is not underrepresented in media. It is overrepresented in the worst ways possible. Every other book or movie I can find is full of stereotypes, mean-spirited commentary, and m*rder. There might be something to be said about a character from It's Always Sunny, but that show is a major trigger for me so I haven't been able to watch it to tell, and Lisa from Girl, Interrupted (book or movie) is just... painfully bad but well-loved rep. Like, I love her, but holy crap girlfriend, how did you manage to add stigma in a book and movie about destigmatizing mental health?

The fact that even counting bad but well-loved representation I can still count all of it on one hand sucks, and if anyone has more I am begging you to share in replies.

#book rec request #book rec asks #book reccs #booklr #tv shows #tc show rec #tw show reccs #aspd-culture-is #actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd culture #aspd traits #aspd culture is #anons welcome

[sibelin]

💕 🔑 📖 !!!

hey thank you!!

💕 Your two top fave fictional characters

i'm still standing by my choice so first one is Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks. he's just the most endearing character ever. and he's so unique too? i don't think i've ever found another character both so human and absolutely weird and extraterrestrial in how he acts. in brief, i am not immune to Kyle Maclachlan.

number two is, to no one surprise, Death from Sandman! it's just a beautiful and sweet depiction of death and she made me realize a lot of things about myself and about the meaning of life when i needed it the most. idk how to explain. such a precious character. maybe i want to be like her.

🔑 Key to your heart

be nice to me twice and you already have it 😭 no but fr, it's kindness and attention like with most people i think..... if it doesn't work try cheese and records, apparently it's a hit for me.

📖 Fave book

also a hard question!! there's this book called La Horde du Contrevent that has made a very good impression on me back when i picked up reading again. it's a french science fiction novel set in a world devastated by winds where a group of people are trained from their childhood to go through the hostile and stalker-like landscapes in order to find the source of the wind. the story is quite simple yet the lore, the characters and the way everything is written is absolutely incredible. each character has they're own languages and personnalities, from argotic and vulgar to pure poetic expressions. it's like discovering a whole other planet with its own culture and vocabulary. it's beautiful and poetic and harsh. i wish there was a translation in english so i could share a quote or two, but there's only the french version. here you go anyway:

N'acceptez pas que l'on fixe, ni qui vous êtes, ni où rester. Ma couche est à l'air libre. Je choisis mon vin, mes lèvres sont ma vigne. Soyez complices du crime de vivre et fuyez! Sans rien fuir, avec vos armes de jet et la main large, prête à s'unir, sobre à punir. Mêlez-vous à qui ne vous regarde, car lointaine est parfois la couleur qui fera votre blason

#thank you alyssa! #i hope your sunday is going great ♥ #ask game

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

sometimes I think that I prefer flawed and problematic but genuinely well intentioned depictions of things than perfect and “unproblematic” because honestly… the first feels a lot more real and hits home to me?

the rocky horror picture show is. the rocky horror picture show, it’s got glaring issues with how it approaches queerness in specific along with other things. but it's embrace of negative stereotypes and aggressively going “so you think we're creepy pervert monsters? fine, we are, and that’s cool actually” hits a whole lot more personally than works that have modern sensibilities on queerness and everyone is accepting and uses proper labels.

eva absolutely has issues with weird sexualisation (especially at the beginning of the show) and a whole lot of messy issues with its psychology (being based heavily on fucking freud) but it captured an experience of growing up thinking i was a girl and sexualising myself from a scarily young age i've never seen in any other show (and in general it’s depiction of girls and puberty is shockingly good, it even covers periods and the trauma they can cause) and while it’s psychology is definitely somewhat outdated the depictions of trauma and mental illness are still incredibly real and well written and even the weird sexual freudian stuff works to emphasise the themes of csa in a heartbreakingly frank way. it’s ending, confusing and messy as it is, has prevented me from self harm many times in ways work where everyone's diagnosed and getting therapy and where girl characters don’t grow up being pressured to sexualise themselves since childhood.

following up two classics with a minecraft roleplay might be offensive, but fuck it, i have to mention exile too. it’s exploration of abuse is often messy and switches on and off at the drop of a hat, the trauma and grief was never adressed, and no one seemed quite aware of the fact they wrote something incredibly severe involving topics like grooming and kidnapping, but the mix of normalcy and pain is just such an incredibly accurate depiction of abuse. it seems normal until it’s not, until what’s normal and what’s abusive mix into one. the lack of a solid healing arc and c!tommy going from recovery to relapse frequently was incredibly realistic and reassuring as someone who sometimes does the same that I’m not broken or bad. the lack of awareness on quite how bad it was prevented negative stereotypes from influencing the storyline and simply allowed them to play out without any biased viewing (in fact, the parts that were clearly intentional- the abuse itself- ended up fumbled worse in the end!). it genuinely helped me realise i was abused multiple times and it’s a comfort to me where depictions of abuse that are all sad and where the victim is perfect and the abuser pure evil and all the proper terms are directly and intentionally stated often make me feel worse for being unable to live up to those expectations.

idk. there’s not really a point here. the latter examples aren’t sanitised or bad or anything, they’re just fulfilling a different need, and that’s fine. it’s just… i think condemning things for trying and getting it wrong can hurt sometimes. because sometimes things are complicated and messy irl too.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello !,hello!,ive stumbled on your blog and gotta say absolutely love your writing and analysis!! And im curious to ask what character or characters homeland or family would you wanna see in another event?

I’m up for any new homeland lore or meeting any new family member (maybe in parent-teacher conference event to meet a lot of them at once???), really 👀 I don’t discriminate! If I had to pick some of my most anticipated locations and family members, then...

Rose Queendom! It seems like a whimsical, flower-filled place, and I like that kind of an aesthetic. It might be fun to also drop by the Clover Family Bakery. I think it’d be cozy and cute! As for family, I’d want to see Mama Spade and Chenya’s grandpa. They would make for some wholesome character moments! ... NOT GONNA LIE, I KIND OF ALSO WANT TO SEE MAMA ROSEHEARTS TOO 😅 JUST TO SEE IF THE HEART AHOGE LOOK WEIRD ON HER....................... It might be interesting to meet a character that doesn’t have a healthy dynamic with a main cast boy; it would really shake up the formula and give us some nuanced interactions.

Sunset Savanna! This would be a good excuse to bring Cheka back in, as well as introduce other characters twisted from those in The Lion King. Maybe we can even see Farena/Falena along with some tasty family drama between him and L*ona or him embarrassing L*ona, that works too 🤡 I’d also love to see Granny Bucchi. She sounds like such a tough and hardworking person to Ruggie and the neighborhood kids. OH, AND WE CAN’T FORGET ABOUT ROOK???????? IF YOU CAN’T SHOW US YOUR BICEPS THEN AT LEAST INTRODUCE US TO YOUR (totally not suspicious at all, I’m sure) MOM AND DAD AND 5 SIBLINGS.

Coral Sea! It would be such a different environment than what most of the TWST cast is used to, which I think opens up a lot of possibilities for unique and fun situations. I feel like a lot of fandom depictions of the Coral Sea make it out to be a romantic and shining utopia like Atlantica, but I’ve always seen it more as a place that’s more… rough around the edges? Like, with pirate ships and unseen danger lurking about in its depths. I’d want to see if the Coral Sea as a whole is more like Atlantica or more like the underwater caverns where Ursula lives. ALSO GIVE US MERFORM BOYS, TWST-- I’d also be interested in meeting both the Leech and the Ashengrotto parents! I wonder if Leech Mama and Leech Papa are as intimidating as a lot of fan art makes them out to be? I’m very curious about Azul’s parents (mom and stepdad) as well, because the fan interpretations and theories on them are more... mixed, I feel???? I’ve seen some people say that his parents aren’t loving because Azul made no mention of them helping him when he was going through his episode 3 flashback and detailing his bullying, and then others say his mom did care because she fed him well, but was maybe too preoccupied with her restaurant to realize something was happening to her son. I have an Azul stan friend that suggested that Azul might have lied about his happy family and childhood so as to preserve his own image, which he clearly values 🤔 dnbsvsuekxks Anyway, since the Octatrio can’t be trusted 💕 I think we need to witness their hometown and their families with our own eyes~

Briar Valley! There’s a lot that has yet to be explored about its history, culture, and politics. I want to delve more into that, as well as the human-fairy tensions that seem to exist here. Catch me ignoring Malleus’s grandma and rushing to the Zigvolt residence to hit up Sebek’s parents 🥺 I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT BABYBEK... AND TO WITNESS A LOVE SO PURE THAT IT TRANSCENDS SOCIETAL PRESSURE WITH MY OWN EYES.

Jubilee Port! This is actually Sam’s hometown, and it doesn’t get much mention! Since we don’t know much about it and we don’t have many characters from it, it has a strong air of mystery (even moreso than the Briar Valley). Sam has such a chipper attitude, and I wonder if he got some of it from where he was raised (since the name of his hometown also sounds so cheery)?

#notes from the writing raven #feedback for the writing raven #question #spoilers