#like you fucking said you were going on a mental health break and that’s fine but after WEEKS of radio silence I check on you

[dreamsb0u]

Sometimes I wish my “friends” or whatever who ghosted me would talk to me again just so I could bite their fucking heads off

#rant #Tw rant #vent #vent tw #in tags #like you fucking said you were going on a mental health break and that’s fine but after WEEKS of radio silence I check on you #and you’ve fucking BLOCKED me???? #like what the fuck is wrong with you #this has happened multiple times and I think it’s justified that I’m fucking angry #they KNOW I have abandonment issues and they don’t even give me a notice they don’t tell me what I did wrong #I’m so fucking tired of this shit #I’ve tried to be supportive but all they ever do is fucking toss me to the side #I’m not sorry #I can’t even look at half of my sketchbook anymore because it’s stuff I made for them #I wouldn’t say that letting your friends know why you’re leaving them is a lot to ask #but hey maybe I’m the one in the wrong here #and I’m even angrier because I don’t hate them #I can’t really #but I’m so fucking mad #I don’t want any hug emojis I get that you’re trying to help but I’m really not in the fucking mood #I think I only have like two friends I can trust

[readychilledwine]

Heavy

Summary - Being a mother is so much harder than you expected, especially when Cassian is gone

Warnings - motherhood, signs of postpartum

A/N- I needed therapy, and this happened. To all my readers who are moms, readers who want to become moms, or dedicated aunts who are bonus moms: you are all amazing, strong, and valued.

You closed your eyes as your daughter cried out for the fifth time tonight. 

She had just fallen asleep. She was warm, content, fed, clean diaper. You didn't know what you were doing wrong, but when she wasn't on your chest, her small wails would break the silence of the House of Wind. You sat up, picking her up to try to stop the crying and sat against the headboard. 

Cassian had been gone for the past 4 days in Windhaven. He had, begrudgingly, agreed to go with Rhys and Azriel. Each item he packed was slammed into his bag haphazardly before he finally realized his anger was keeping your daughter awake, her little wings fluttering with each loud noise. He had slept with her skin to skin the whole night. He refused to allow anyone else to hold his girl before he left in the morning. 

And Gods her cries when she realized daddy wasn't there, that daddy wasn't going to cuddle after feedings with mommy that day, they shattered you. 

She loved her daddy. She loved you. She wanted you both at all times.

But daddy had to work, you would whisper before crying too. 

Tonight had been your last straw. You didn't remember the last time you bathed and changed clothing, the last time you slept for more than 30 to 45 minutes at a time.

The tears came before you could stop them. Cassian's absence had taken a huge toll on your mental health as you constantly had your newborn attached to your breasts, in your arms sleeping on you, crying for you if you so much as left the room to go to the bathroom.

You leaned your head back crying with her little sniffles, “I know, babygirl. I miss daddy too.” 

Cassian glared at Rhys as your stress and emotion stuck him. You had grown so exhausted that keeping the bond locked tight was no longer an option. "She's fine, Cassian. She's a great mom," Rhys said softly. "I wouldn't have pulled you away if she couldn't handle it."

Azriel made a face, having stayed the past week with you and Cassian at the house to be an extra hand. "She's an amazing mother, Rhys, but Sulwyn is a daddy's girl," Azriel leaned against the wall in the cabin. "This is probably overwhelming for all three of them. It's only be 4 weeks."

Cassia was about to respond, thanking Azriel for understanding, but you sent him one last wave before you realized the bond was open. It was that last emotion that hit him that had him standing without warning and taking off. 

That he had never felt from you before. That feeling of completely worthlessness, of self doubt, of complete self loathing. 

He pushed himself, straining each sore muscle before landing hard on your shared balcony in record time. 

And the sight inside broke his heart. 

Your daughter crying on your chest, and you with her, telling her you didn't know what else to try, what was wrong.

“Give her to me,” he said softly. “Give me our daughter. Go bathe. Do something for you.” You shook your head, holding her tighter. “y/n, give me our baby. You need a break, sweetheart. I can feel it. I can feel you falling apart. I can feel the pit forming. Let me take care of you two.”

“But Rhys-”

“Can fuck all the way off. My wife isn't okay. You need to give me Sulwyn and take a break.” You moved slowly, handing Cassian the tiny Illyrian female who instantly calmed in his arms. His face softened immediately, heart warming. “I missed you too, baby.” 

He felt the moment that shattered you too. Another heavy emotion hitting the bond. 

You sat curled up in the tub for what felt like hours. It was long enough Cassian had put Sul down and now sat next to you.

“Tell what’s going through your head,” he pushed wet hair behind your pointed ear. “Talk to me, sweetness.”

“I feel worthless. Like I've lost my sense of who I am and all value I held to the court.” You paused, wiping a few stray tears. “I feel like a burden to you, her, and now our family.”

That one struck Cassian straight in his heart. “You could never be a burden.”

“I can't even calm our daughter to sleep,” you broke again, voice shaking as you began to sob. “All I am her is her personal food slave. No one said it would be this hard.”

“I know, y/n.” Cassian sighed deeply. “We need to get you out of the House,” Cassian tilted your head to him, kissing your forehead lightly. “Madja warned us about this, remember? She warned us that you potentially would start to feel really down. Everything you are feeling is normal, even if it's so far from true.”

Cassian kissed your lips gently. “I need you to listen to me and hear me right now, okay? You are not a burden. You are not worthless. You are not her personal feeding dummy. You are her mother. Her  best friend. Her safe place.” Cassian paused, wiping your tears. “You are my wife. My mate. You are the strongest female I know. You birthed an Illyrian with the wrong anatomy and somehow survived. You're caring for a newborn the size of your torso, and you do it with a smile and without voicing these feelings. She and I would be lost without you.”

He paused again, a small squeak being heard from the bedroom before silence fell back over. “You are her favorite person. She lights up at just the sound of your voice. I have to cuddle her under your blanket. Yes, she was upset and missed me, and Gods I missed her, but you are her world. And you both are mine, and it is killing me to see you like this.”

Another small squeak came. “She's hungry,” you whispered. 

“Would a shitty mom know that just from the noise she's making?” You shook your head, allowing him to help you stand And wrap you in a warm towel. “I'll hold you two while she eats, so you can fall asleep if you want?” 

It was such a little gesture. One of his small smiles gracing his face as he carried you back into your shared room. 

Cassian dressed you gently kissing your fingers, your palms, your cheekbones. He laid in the bed with you two motioning for you to come between his legs and holding Sulwyn to you. 

“Tomorrow mama is going to leave for awhile, Sul. You, daddy, and Auntie Nesta will hang out while Uncle Az takes mom to the Cafe they like to go to so they can discuss the latest in gross spy shit-” Cassian froze behind you. “Stuff.”

He smiled looking down and realizing you had fallen asleep in his arms. “You, little baby,” he looked at Sulwyn, “Are beyond loved. We need to make sure mama feels that way too, okay? Daddy is going to tell Uncle Rhys to shove it tomorrow. Then we're going to work on spoiling mommy.”

Your daughter gave Cassian a small smile, looking up at him with bright doe eyes as she continued eating. “That's my girl.”

#acotar #acotar x reader #cassian x reader #cassian #cassian acotar #girldad!cassian #girldad!cassian x reader

[worldlxvlys]

my eyes only (part 4)

jealous! chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: cursing, reader is in a toxic relationship, smuttt, p in v, cream pie, choking, oral (fem receiving), squirting, masturbation, use of vibrator, cheating

** i’m not promoting cheating in the slightest, this is fiction. please do not cheat on anyone.

a/n: part 4 was highly requested sooo here it is <33

previous part

“it was an accident!” i yelled for what had to be the tenth time.

“how the hell do you accidentally send someone nudes ?” charlie yelled back.

i let a heavy sigh as i rolled my eyes, “hey, don’t roll your eyes at me”

my face scrunched up at that, “i can do whatever the hell i want with my own eyes, charlie. i don’t know why you think you can control my every move” he looked like he wanted to make a snarky comment at that, but i stopped him, “and why were you going through my phone?” i asked.

he looked take aback at the fact that i knew, “ i didn’t” he spoke defensively.

“so you weren’t going through me and chris’s texts?” i asked.

he sighed, giving up the act, “ok, fine. yes i went through your texts once. it was awhile ago, though”

“you are un-fucking-believable, charlie. how am i supposed to trust you when you don’t even trust me?” i asked.

“i know, it’s just-”i cut him off, “your past relationships, i know. but that doesn’t give you the right to go through my phone”

his eyebrows scrunched up at that, “are you trying to invalidate my feelings right now?” he asked.

my eyes widened at that, “i-no! what are you talking about?”

“i mean, you just basically told me that what i went through in the past means nothing to you”

“charlie, when did i say that?” i asked incredulously.

“whatever. i just can’t believe you’re pulling this shit while i’m going through such a hard time. i mean, you know how much stress i’ve been dealing with because of work, and now i have to worry about my girlfriend sending nudes to another guy”

my face softened at this, realizing that there was some truth to what he was saying.

although i would never admit it out loud, i did send chris those nudes on purpose. and on top of that, i gave him access to several of my explicit videos.

thank god charlie didn’t know about that part.

it was wrong of me to do, but when it came to chris, every logical thought of mine flew out the window.

my boyfriend was an asshole, but that didn’t give me the right to add onto his stress.

“i’m sorry, you’re right. it won’t happen again. what can i do to make it up to you?” i asked as i rubbed his shoulders.

i wasn’t an idiot. i knew that i was better off breaking things off with him, but i was scared. as fucked up as our relationship was, it was one of the only constant things in my life. and although it was dangerous for my mental health, it was safe.

change is inevitable, but it’s also uncontrollable in most situations. and this situation was one of the rare cases where i had full control.

“stop talking to him.” my heart dropped at this.

“what? you want me to just stop talking to someone who i’ve been friends with for years?” by the tone of my voice, he could probably tell that i wasn’t going to do it.

“ok, you’re right, that’s unreasonable. but, maybe just back off of him a little?” he asked.

“please? it would help ease my mind” he spoke as he squeezed my waist, his grip tighter than usual.

i had been with charlie long enough to read him pretty well. his mood could flip in a matter of seconds, and it was quite frightening to experience. sometimes, when he was seconds away from doing it, he would squeeze my hip or shoulder firmly. this was obviously one of those times where my answer would determine how the rest of the night went.

he had never hurt me before, but i was still always careful not to set him off.

“ok, yeah” i nodded my head at him.

“i need to hear you say it” he said, refusing to let go of me.

“i’ll back off of him” i said.

he let go of me, a grin taking over his features, “thank you, baby. i really appreciate it”

i nodded at him, smiling weakly.

1 WEEK LATER

CHRIS’S POV

“it was a mistake”, those were the words she said a week ago. those words led me to believe that she would change her my eyes only password.

wrong.

because when i opened her my eyes only the day after she sent that text, the password worked.

she added more videos to the collection, in fact, she didn’t delete my own video.

and when i clicked onto the most recent video, the first thing i heard her moan was my name.

so that’s the game she wants to play? she won’t answer my texts, but she’ll scream my name when she plays with herself?

fine, let’s play.

throughout the week, we added more and more videos to the collection. we teased each other, moaned each other’s names, and spoke the dirtiest words to our phones.

we never addressed the videos in our text messages, as our conversations never got past a “hi, how are you” and a dry response.

it was an odd situation, but she seemed hellbent on avoiding any conversation.

finally, after a week of playing the game, i decided to go over to her house and talk to her like an adult.

i didn’t bother texting her, knowing i wouldn’t get a response.

READER’S POV

“fuck, chris” i moaned out as my head flew back onto my bed.

my body was bare and covered in a layer of sweat as i held my vibrator against my clit with one hand, the other fingering my wet hole.

my phone was propped up against a chair, capturing my pleasure perfectly.

i was so close to my orgasm, i didn’t hear my front door open.

“chris! i’m gonna-!” i cut myself off as my door flew open.

in a panic, i moved my hands and turned my head towards the door.

my eyes widened in horror, as chris stood by my door with hooded eyes.

chris and i stared at each other as we both waited for someone to say something.

“chris-” i started, but paused when he pulled his shirt off.

he quick strides in my direction, before leaning down and capturing my lips in a desperate kiss.

i moaned into the kiss, as our lips moved against each others quickly.

he detached our lips, pressing his forehead to mine. “do you want this or not?” he asked, his eyes still closed. “cause one second you say it’s a mistake, then the next you’re moaning my name. if you’re just gonna play with my feelings, i-” i stopped him by pressing my lips to his in a sweet kiss.

“i want this, chris. i want you. i was scared and confused, and i shouldn’t have played with you like that. i need you to know this isn’t a game to me” i spoke as my gaze shifted between his eyes.

“i’ve wanted you for so fucking long, i just didn’t know how to tell you” i cupped his jaw with my hand, running my thumb along the skin right under his bottom lip.

“thank fuck” he whispered before pushing his lips onto mine again.

my hands found their way to the back of his neck as his soft lips caressed mine.

his hands went to my boobs, squeezing and pinching my nipples, eliciting a small moan from me.

“fuck, you sound even better in person” he groaned.

he continued to play with my tits as our lips slid against each other’s perfectly.

his hips ground down into my body, his clothed erection pressing into my inner thigh.

i bit down onto my lip, suppressing my moans.

“don’t be shy now, baby. you’re so vocal when i’m not in front of you. do i need to play one of the videos?” he asked, making me narrow my eyes at him.

in one swift motion, i hooked my leg around his waist, pushing him down into me and flipping us over.

his eyes widened as i wrapped my hand around his throat, making him let out a choked moan.

“yeah? you like it when i choke you like this?” i asked as i moved my hand down to his sweatpants.

“mmm, fuck yea” he groaned out.

i hooked my finger into his sweatpants, tugging them down.

my fingers gently caressed his thighs as i moved my mouth to the top of his boxers.

i looked up at him through my lashes as i took the waistband between my teeth, pulling it up and letting it snap back against his skin, making his hips jerk slightly.

“i want these off” i spoke.

he quickly pulled them down, letting his dick spring free.

“remember that pink dildo?” i asked as i let my spit travel down to his cock, beginning to spread it around his length.

“y-yeah, i do” he groaned in response.

i lined him up with my entrance and sank down onto him, pulling long strings of curses from both of our lips.

“i always imagine that it’s your cock buried inside of me” i moaned out as i began to move on top of him.

“o-oh my fuck” he whispered as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

he seemed to almost be shocked at the amount of pleasure coursing through his body, as his arms stayed frozen at his side.

“touch me, chris” i spoke, snapping him out of his trance.

his hands shot out to my sides, sliding down to grab my ass.

i grabbed his shoulders to stablilize myself as i rolled my hips into his.

“god, you feel even better than i ever imagined” i spoke as i pressed my forehead to his, staring into his eyes.

“you look so fucking good on top of me like this. love watching you fuck yourself on my cock” he whispered to me.

“you like the way i squeeze you?” i asked as i clenched around him.

he whimpered at the feeling, before replying, “not gonna last if you do that”

“good, i’m on the pill. i need you to fuck your cum into me, chris. need it so bad” i moaned as his dick plunged in and out of my tight hole.

the dirty words sent chris over the edge.

his fingers dug into my ass, holding me down against him as he shot his cum deep inside of my walls.

i lifted my hips off of him and swung my leg over his, moving from on top of him.

“wait, you didn’t finish” he pointed out.

“it’s fine” i shrugged it off.

chris wasn’t having this as he pulled me back towards his body.

“ride my face” he spoke as he pulled me back on top of him.

“what?” i asked, my eyes widening at his statement.

“i don’t know what you’re used to, but we’re not done until you cum. so, ride my face.” he spoke, throwing slight shade towards charlie, as he laid down.

following his instructions, i positioned myself right above his face. i hovered for a second before chris pulled me down onto him, pulling all of my weight onto his face.

“oh my god, chris” my jaw fell slack as my hands laced into his hair, tugging gently.

he groaned against my heat as his tongue licked up and down my folds.

i began to rock my hips against his mouth. with every upward movement, chris’ nose pressed against my clit.

“chris! i’m cumming!” i spoke as my body tensed up.

my toes curled and my fingers scratched his scalp as i felt an intense wave of pleasure run through my body.

i lifted myself off of his face as my juices shot out of my trembling body, saturating the pillow and chris’s face.

“fuck! sorry, sorry” i spoke quickly as i got off of him.

“don’t ever apologize for something like that, ma. that was hot as fuck” he spoke before licking his lips.

i got up to grab something to clean his face up, when he stopped me.

“wait, take a picture of my face!” he grinned.

“what, why?” i asked.

“we can save it to your my eyes only” he winked.

🌀🌀🌀🌀

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @annelisseakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @abbie13sworld @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @sturniolololover @meg-sturniolo @mattsnymphette

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x you #chris x reader #chris sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo texts #sturniolos #sturniolo fic #sturniolo texts #smut #🌷

[igotanidea]

Distraction: Jason Todd x fem!reader

Summary : You can;t get over your ex and your best friend Jason is kind enough to be your toy to distract you from those thoughts.

warnings: SMUT! MINORS DNI!!, swearing and bad night choices.

***

„Son of a ......!”

It was 2 AM. Y/N was hanging in her friend’s apartment since her own was kindly flooded by her neighbours and was currently awaiting renovation.

Yes, she was supposed to sleep, but instead she reached for that stupid phone and her stupid brain made her do things she definitely shouldn’t have done. Not only at this hour, but like ever.

“Stupid idiotic fucker!” she hissed again.

“What you doing, nerd?” Jason, freshly out of patrol and out of his Red Hood gear leaned on the doorframe observing her carefully with a stern expression.

“Don’t worry the word was not aimed at you. This time.” She smirked, not stopping angrily scrolling through the page.

Jason smirk grew even wider when he approached the couch and sat down next to her.

“Whose name are you typing…..?” he asked innocently but Y/N knew better than to fall for that.

‘None of your business…..” she muttered, but before she could finish the sentence he grabbed her phone and tossed her into the other room.

“JASON!!!” she jumped off the couch terrified by his action.

“Whose name were you typing?” he grabbed her by the waist preventing her from moving.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” her inflaming enabled her to break free from his iron grip and she rushed to the bedroom immediately to assess the damage her phone sustained “what is wrong with you!?”

Despite her anger however, she could not beat the vigilante trained skills, speed and agility, so obviously Jason beat her in the race, quickly grabbing the device from the floor and holding it above her head easily while running through her DMs, texts and social media.

“JASON!!”

He had already found what he’s been looking for but it didn;t mean he was going to surrender that fastly.

“It’s a violation of privacy!!”

He didn’t let go. If anything his grip on the phone only grew harder as he stayed silent for the moment reading something, while his face was growing darker with every other message he came across.

“Give! It! Back!” poor Y/N was significantly lower than Jason so she tried to retrieve her property by jumping next to him like a little enraged kangaroo, yet failing miserably.

“You’re not getting this phone back anytime soon, Y/N.” he put the object on the highest shelf, completely out of her reach crossing his arms and looking at her sternly “You got some explaining to do.”

“Fuck….” She hissed

He said nothing, his blue piercing eyes focused on her, knowing well enough she would break soon. He could smell the guilt coming from the girl from a mile away.

“Fine!” she threw her hands in the air in frustration plumping on the bed, ruffling the sheets in the process. “Fine! I was stalking my ex. Kind of.”

“And why exactly would you do that?” he smirked but the intensity in his tone skyrocketed to 200 %. This was serious. Y/N was his friend. His best friend and the things she’s been doing lately was not good for her mental health.  And he could not have that.

She sighed deeply and fell on the bed on her back facing the ceiling, knowing she lost this round. Once Jason set his mind to something he was not going to let go. And apparently what he said his mind to at this moment was getting the answer out of her. Obviously lying was not an option, cause he was like a human lie detector (which sometimes made her wonder whether it was another aftermath of the Lazarus Pit)

“come on, Y/N. tell me. You know I take those stuff personally.” Jason muttered falling on the bed next to her, on his stomach propping himself on the elbows so he could look at her face.

“Because my stupid mind won’t let me rest…..” she sighed, closing her eyes.

“Hey, you do realise I’m here right?” his gaze and voice softened a bit. He always appreciated when people were honest with him. “If you feel like venting, ranting or even just talking I’m your man. Just please, for fuck’s sake don’t sneak around pretending like you’re good when you do stuff that are far from good. I won’t have that”

“Yeah well my body won’t let me rest either……” she blurted.

“Your body?” he raised an eyebrow in surprise, getting a bit curious of what she was going to say next.

“Yeah and I can’t even use my toy here…..” she cut out, her eyes growing wide realising what she just said.

He smirked.

She blushed.

ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit…………………………………

“Oh, god… that came out wrong……”

“Oh no… please, continue.” he grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief

“Screw you, Todd…..” she grabbed a pillow, putting it tightly onto her face and letting out a frustrated groan. “You’re mocking very personal matters here!”

“Did you just say you’re lusting over your ex?” he grinned, not even trying to hide how hilarious this whole situation was to him.

“NO!” she jumped and sat up facing him, her face being a mix of fluster and outrage.

“Oh you so did!” his grin grew even wider

“Stop it!”

“You said and I quote – my mind and my body won’t let me rest. Can’t deny it now.” Jason scooted a little bit closer to her, clearly playing with her.

“I didn’t say I was lusting over my ex! I just…. do…… generally…..” Y/N muttered to herself but obviously he heard that loud enough.

“Oh, really?” Jason raised an eyebrow not ready to drop the teasing. “So it's a general attraction to the human body of your ex?”

“NO!”

“You sure….?” He trailed his tone changing into a bit deeper, more hoarse as he looked into her eyes.

“Yes…..?” she tried to be convincing but out of nowhere it came out a bit like a question. She couldn’t for the love of god figure out why that gaze of his got her shivering a little bit.

“So who is this person that you are attracted to…..?” he moved a little closer to her, grabbing her hand and playing with her fingers. “Do I know him, perhaps…..?” he leaned forward and whispered in her ear, his breath on her face and neck making her skin tingle.

“Stop it……” she warned, closing her eyes, wanting to push him away and end that silly little game they were playing, but finding herself completely unable to.

“Stop what, princess……?” he paused pulling back to look at her again, his eyes sparkling, corners of his mouth lifting slightly at the blush creeping on her cheeks. “The flirting? The closeness? Teasing you about your ex?”

“Jace……” she almost moaned as she felt the warmth radiating from his presence, so close to her, her body aching for his touch, his kiss, caress, anything. Poor girl didn’t even realise how touch starved she was since the break-up with her ex. Not until now.

“Y/N……?” Jason asked, his voice turning a bit more caring and serious as he watched her body tense and shiver and her breath hitching. “Y/N……, princess….. “ he cupped her cheek forcing her eyes on his face “How long has it been since the break up?”

“A… a couple months…..” she breathed out, her body getting a mind of its own, much to her embarrassment. It was truly pathetic to turn into a puddle just because of a sexual teasing from Jason Todd and a few caresses. She was too old to act like a silly teenager who’s been touched for the first time. But she just couldn’t help it.   

The silence that fell between them when she stuttered those two words was deafening and she cursed herself internally. God, he wouldn’t let her live it down. He’ll make fun of her mercilessly and leave her alone to deal with the fire that’s currently burning inside her. The fire that she knew well enough couldn’t be satisfied with her toys of her fingers. And that realisation was overwhelming. Poor Y/N was barely holding herself from desperate whimpers. But she couldn’t have had Jason laughing at her current state.

“Y/N……” he whispered tenderly and she let out a gasp, shocked by both his tone and her body’s reaction to his tone. “Have you been lonely this whole time?” his hand on her cheek was slowly starting to burn and the fact that he begun rubbing her skin was surely not helping at all.

“Hmmmm…” she whimpered, her shoulders slumping.

“That definitely wasn’t a no…….”he grabbed her hand now and put it on his neck, letting her feel his body while simultaneously leaning forward to kiss her shoulder “I can change this whole lonely thing princess…..” his mouth moved a bit higher, trailing over her neck and moving to that sensitive spot just below her ear.   

“I…..I……” she stuttered and let out a single, quiet and soft moan when the tip of his tongue trailed over her earlobe, involuntarily clenching her thighs as well, already needing friction. It truly was embrassing giving herself to him on a silver platter “ah….I ….think…..”

“Yes, Y/N, baby? What do you think……?” he muttered kissing her cheek now and not stopping there. ‘Because I think your body language speaks to me pretty…well..…. “ he grabbed her other hand and put it on his chest letting her caress his still clothed body, letting her imagination run loose. Allowing all her little fantasies to come in her head. She looked so anxious of where this was going and yet so eager at the same time, not stopping him, while her fingers played with the material of his clothes.

“I…..I need some distraction…..”

“A distraction, huh? his voice dropped another octave, on purpose obviously. Jason definitely knew how to use his voice for his benefit and it drew Y/N like a moth to the flame. His hands landed on her thighs travelling up as he made sure to use just enough strength to made her feel….

“Jace……” she couldn’t hold back another moan when those big strong hands reached for the hem of her shirt, lifting it just an inch to brush over her burning skin, that instantly covered with goosebumps, shiver running down her spine. Out of pure instinct she gripped his shoulders, her whole body moving slightly forward.

“I don’t need batteries, princess…” he murmured, grabbing her waist and pulling her on his lap in one swift motion not giving her any chance to object, not that she was going to. “I can be your toy……” his lips moved to the crease of her neck and shoulder, nibbling gently, enjoying all the little whimpers and moans she was making already and loving the way she was still fighting her own urges.

Jason wanted to break her, to give her good time, but he aimed to achieve that goal in a gentle way, thought the tender convincing, exposing her true needs. His hand slid though her hair, pulling her head back a little to move along her neck, licking the skin and getting another sound of pleasure.

“Ah…mmm…Jace…. It’s late….We’re both tired….. We shouldn’t....”

“come on, baby…..” now he was biting on her earlobe “ don’t fight yourself… you want this…. You need this. And most importantly…..you deserve it…… I’ve been there too, princess….. That's no shame.....Just let it happen.....”

Oh he was right….. He was so freaking right. And he knew it.

“I can give you this distraction you so desperately crave…..” he said while slowly laying her on her back, his body hovering over her “and so much more too….” She could feel his breaths against the nape of her neck. His body shifted so that he was lying on top of her, waiting for an answer.

“No feelings involved…… I don’t need feelings…..” she moaned

“No feelings…..” he whispered, slowly undoing the first button of her shirt, moving the collar aside and brushing his nose and lips over her collarbone.

“Shit…..” her back arched immediately.

“You want to feel me…..?” he kissed her briefly, giving her foretaste before pulling away and looking into her eyes “you sure you want no feelings involved?”

“Mmhh… yes… definitely. I don’t need falling.” Y/N was getting desperate, tired of his charades and the whole foreplay. “It’s just sex, nothing more……”

“Mhm…. Absolutely…. I’m just helping you out here….. with not thinking. With distracting you.”

He brushed his lips against her ear, his breath hot on her exposed skin. “What if I say it’s more than a distraction? What if I mean this? What if I say I want you and I need you?” He paused and she could feel his fingers gently running down her neck.

„Mhmhm......” she whimpered „I don’t need feelings.....”

„Okay than baby.....” he pressed his whole body weight onto her, lips finding the pulse point on her neck biting gently making sure to leave a hickey there, tip of his tongue flicking over the sting to ease the pain a bit. „Let’s forget about feelings..... It;s just physical release” he moved his hands, down her body, tracing the skin over the hem of her sleeping shorts. „you’re so tense baby.....” he brushed his nose down her clothed torso making her shudder „so tense, but I can ease that tension.....” his mouth hovered over the place his hands were tracing barely a minute ago.

And she couldn’t form a single word, just waiting and wishing and hoping he would make that sweet promise come true for her.

„Say it Y/N......” he kissed her stomach „Just say you want this and I can take care of the rest..... Do you want this princess?” his hands dived under her shirt, travelling all the way up to her breast, smirking when he touched her bare breast, squeezing the sensitive part of her.

„Mhmm.. shit!” she could feel the heat between her legs, the evidence of her wetness on full display since her shorts did nothing to hide it.

„Do....you.... want... this?” he teased mercilessly starting to play with her nipples.

„Yes......” she finally breathed out, her mind turning off

But it was not enough for Jason. He had to hear her beg for him. He was going to do everything she wanted but had to have his fun as well. So instead of fulfilling her needs he pressed his  body more onto her, letting her feel how big and hard he already was. His lips hovered over hers, his fingers leaving her breast and moving to the lower buttons playing with them but not doing anything more than that

„That’s all I need to know, sweetness. Do you want this? Say it again.”

„Jace.....please.....”

He pressed his lips to hers, hard, brushing his hard on over her most sensitive part, smirking when she opened her legs a bit more and matched his movement.

It was only dry humping but they both knew how close to their limits of fooling around they were. Y/N was ready to beg for him and he was ready to surrender and finally shift all her attention to her body needs and not her thoughts.

„tell me you want me.....” he breathed heavily into her ear

„I..... I want you to help me out......”

„Oh, my sweet baby.... I’ll do so much more than that.....” he pulled her shorts down in one swift motion leaving her bottom completely bare, licking his lips at the view in front of him. „I’ll make you scream....” he spread her legs holding her thighs open so she wouldn’t dare changing position. „I’ll make you squirm and forget about your ex and whole world. I’ll give you the pleasure you never felt before.” he leaned leaned down and nuzzled his nose into her inside thigh, brushing it up to her most sensitive part, his eyes still focused on her, shining with lust and desire. „Tell me you want that.....” he licked the spot that was already aching for attention, the taste so sweat his eyes almost rolled to the back of his skull.

„YES!” she moaned, just that one tiny movement making her break completely.

She was lost.

Lost to him.  

„Good girl....” he muttered getting down to business.

Before she realized what was happening, her legs were already on his shoulders and he was sucking, flicking and licking in all the right places focused only on making his previous words come true. He was going to make her feel as good as never before (and probably never after). It was not his intention to show off, but she knew that with all this skill he was currently presenting, making her clit burn and her whole body shiver he was going to wreck her for anyone else.

She moaned when he pushed against her folds.

She pulled at his hair when he started to eat her out.

He buckled her hips and practically fucked herself on his face when he add the fingers and started pumping in and out in a perfect pace, slowly, methodically pushing her to the climax.  

She was reduced to the form of a moaning mess with each move, each brush, each caress.

„fuck....!” she scratched his scalp and he let out a groan sending a wave of pleasure through her pussy he was currently devouring „fuck... fuck, yes....!”

There was no more games, no more teasing. He was going to fuck her brains out. Just like she wanted, even though the poor girl had no idea what it meant when he first offered. She was going to remember his touch for a very, very long time, if not forever.

Their bodies took the steering wheel completely.

Y/N was begging and crying and sobbing.

Jason was giving and taking all at the same time, his cock throbbing in his jeans when he pushed her legs further apart and closer to her chest to get better access to her center.

God, she was delicious, Everything about her was perfect. Her body, her moans, her shivering, her pulling at his hair.... and god... her taste.

He had to keep his control to not cum in his pants at the thought he was the one making her feel like this. She was his. Everything about her was his at the moment and he was not going to waste any piece of his treasure.

It was perfect. Fucking perfect.

Except from one thing.

„Jace!!” she cried out, throwing her head back, ready for what was coming.

„No.....” he panted, pulling back and looking at her.

At that moment he didn’t look anything like the Jace she knew.

He looked like a fucking predator ready to take what he wanted.

What he needed.

And the way his eyes was so lust blown made her wanting, needy and even wetter. „No, princess. You’re not gonna come on my tounge or fingers... No..... I’m going to give you something so much better.

He practically ripped her shirt of her, exposing her completely, taking a second to enjoy her naked body on full display. Only for him. Just a second though, before throwing his own shirt away and attacking her chest.

She was on fire.

With the way he was biting all over her breasts with no mercy, rubbing, twisting and pinching her skin she just surrendered completely wrapping arms around him, digging nails into his back muscles only spurring him on with that gesture.

She wanted to beg for more, to cry, to scream his name but the intensity left her breathless, wordless, turned into a puddle with no words coming. The only thing she was capable of was panting and gasping, matching his movement, letting her body speak for her when he squirmed and flexed into his lips, tongue and teeth.

„J-J-J......”

„Yes.... I’m here baby....... Bet you could never get that with your toys, huh?” he sucked on her right nipple, twisting it with his tongue, abusing it, almost to the point of hurting but at this point of sexual drive and need she couldn’t care less, tangling fingers into his hair, pressing his head closer, wanting more and more...

He repeated the action with another nipple, making sure both of them were equally red and pebbled before releasing the other with a loud pop.

„how does that feel, baby?” he whispered „are you ready for the best part.....?” he didn’t wait for her answer, checking himself, his fingers brushing over her folds, gathering the slick and spreading it all over her entrance.

„Jace.... Jay..  please....please.....!

„Shhh, baby....” he pulled back to remove his jeans his hard and thick cock finally free, aching to dive inside her soft, warm and wet body. He grabbed the condom, opening it with his teeth while still looking into her eyes which turned her on even more and capably put it on.

He clearly had experience but it was not her worry of how many girls he had before. She only wanted his body, nothing more. That was what they agreed on.  „I told you I’m your toy...... Now you can use me.....”

Jason didn’t waste another second taking her with one movement, bottoming out with ease, stretching her so deliciously they both moaned loudly at the feeling. But there was not time to rhapsodize. This was neither love nor intimacy to take any admiration breaks and whisper sweet nothigns to each other.

This was release and they only wanted to achieve the high.

So he started pushing without hesitation. In and out, in and out, fast, hard, relentlessly, the grip on her waist becoming so amazingly painful, definitely leaving bruises. His lips ended on her neck adding to the stimulation ready to give her all of him. Jason wanted her to feel every little thing she was missing for the last couple months.

But when his mouth travelled up and collided with hers his thought suddenly changed.

It was not just sex for him.

He didn’t just want to be her toy, her distraction.

He wanted her.

The warmth of her body, the tenderness of her touch, the taste of her soft lips, her moans and whimpers, yes.

But he also wanted her love.

And it was bad.

Cause that was not what she needed.

She said it: no feelings, no falling.

And the realization that he was not going to get what he wanted made him act erratic and a bit violent.  He bit on her bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood, but not stopping even when the metallic taste of it invaded his mouth. If anything it only made him more predatory kissing her with desire, unspoken need and unprecedented urgency while his hips was snapping relentlessly and he kept thrusting inside her.

He could die like that from the intensity and judging by the way her body was shuddering from the building orgasm she was not opposed to doing the same.

But he couldn’t let her choke, forced to leave her mouth and allow Y/N to breathe, instead moving to kiss and bit her neck.

If he couldn’t have her as his girl he was going to take her as his lover and use the opportunity to the maximum possibility.,

„Y/n.....” he groaned biting the sensitive skin, almost ripping her throat open.

„Jace...!” she cried out in response.

She was getting so close, so close and yet still greedy for more. Each snap of his hips send the wave of euphoria through her body, the feeling incomparable with anything, her body moving in line with the pace he set. They were on a highway to release now and as we all now, you can't turn around on the highway. There';'s only one way.

Forward.

And so they did. Speeding up even more, biting, scratching, touching, going at rough animalistic pace, not caring, not thinking, focused solely on release, making the bed shake and crack repeatedly.

„Fuck....!” she moaned feeling everything all at once, raking nails down his back, arching her whole body, feeling the band inside her on the verge of snapping, her body so ready to cum. "fuck... so good....!"

„yeah... fuck indeed....” he gasped. "you feel amazing, princess....." but If she was still able to talk then he was definitely doing something wring and had to add to the pleasure.....

„AH! Jace....” he screamed when he focused some additional attention on her clit, rubbing it with the perfectly practised motion. „yes.... yes.... yes.... yes!!”

„Fuck.... Y/N......, baby.....”

„Yes...!!”

„Just let go baby.....” he breathed out. God please let her come before I finish first... Jason thought to himself.

He was never the religious one, but it seemed like this time his prayers were answered when Y/N’s body tensed and released, once she cried out his name, finally exploding around him and he wished he could fuck her raw and actually become one with her.

Maybe in another life.

This was only fucking.

And he was letting her use him until she found someone new.

But definitely not better than him.

Her body finally got what it desperately needed and he couldn’t hide the smirk while pulling out and getting rid of the condom.

However, maybe it was a good thing she didn’t see how full of his come it was, cause with her intelligence and ability to connect the dots, she would figure out that what they just did might have meant more to him than to her.

It was better she didn’t know.

Or at least that was what he was trying to convince himself of when he helped her clean herself up and wrapped her in a blanket, putting an arm around her and pulling her close to his chest.

And staying awake while she slowly fell asleep, feeling satisfied in safe in her best friend embrace.

She stopped thinking, for sure.

But his mind was only begging to work.

Against him.

But still - It was so much better she didn't know what he truly felt.

@miraculous-panic I'm sorry, I just felt the insuperable urge to post it immediately.

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd smut #red hood smut #jason todd x y/n #red hood x y/n

[wintersera]

UHM UHM CAN WE HAVE A GP WINTER X SUB READER AND GP KARINA?

roommate g!p jiminjeong x f!reader

notes: they’re just so silly and caring in this fic, also minjeongie gets a more confident abt topping reader aww and AFTERCARE AWWW

cw: overworking, threesome (reader receiving) , oral (giving), cockwarming at the end, praise, soft dom rina, um sorta dom winter?, subby reader, rina cums everywhere. not rlly proofread 😭

word count: 2.1k

in the next two weeks you had an exam. and hell, you were stressing the fuck out.

locked in your room for days on end without seeing sunlight for hours and hours, you decided that it would be best for you to cram every piece of knowledge into that brain of yours. glued to your desk table almost 24/7.

naturally, the eldest was worried for your mental and physical health. only seeing you exit your room for toilet and food breaks, food breaks being you making one cup of instant noodles per day. obviously as this progressed she grew even more anxious each time she saw you, you looked more drained than ever and she didn’t like that.

having enough of you over exerting yourself for some silly exam that wasn’t even that important, she knocks at your door gently, “hey, can i come in?” no response. “please? it’ll be quick” still no response. “i’m coming in.”

there you were with your head literally shoved inside a large ass textbook, headphones on with a blanket draped around your shoulders. the only light in your room was the desk lamp because you had your curtains closed for what you liked to call ‘study vibes’. noticing a strange presence at your door, you pull your headphones down, jerking your head towards jimin who was looking at you with concern in her eyes. “what? im studying please leave”

“you’ve been studying nonstop for the past week, are you trying to exhaust yourself… take a break”

“UM, no. i think i’m okay jimin. i need to get good grades for this exam or else i’ll cry…” putting your headphones back on, shoving your face back into the comically large textbook.

“take a break, please! how the hell are you going to do this exam when you’re literally going to pass out in the exam hall” swivelling your chair around to make you meet her face. ignoring her requests, she grows a little impatient, “right… if you’re not gonna relax i might as well help you relieve your stress” sitting on your bed, taking her shorts off revealing her boxers. she pats her lap ,wanting you to come sit on her. “come on, i know you want to.” grinning at you so sweetly. you couldn’t really say no anyways, she was so cute about it.

“okay fine, but only for a bit. then i have to get back to studying for real. deal?”

standing up from the chair was definitely a challenge for you. you had been sitting there for quite a while and your legs were trying to get used to well… walking. “you know what, let me just-“ with ease, she picks you up, sitting herself down with you on top of her lap, facing the door which was right in front of you. “-perfect. now i can help you out” even though you could do it yourself, jimin insisted on helping, taking off your shorts and panties, leaving just your shirt on.

sitting there, bare on her bulge, you began to feel a familiar sensation form in your stomach. “do you want me to skip the foreplay today? or… no?”

“well… you said i should relieve my stress so…” giggling in excitement as you guide her hands around you “don’t skip it”

with that she began. delicately touching your body everywhere, from caressing your thighs to light touches on the sides of your waist to fondling your breasts, sending shivers down your spine. gently holding your jaw as she moves your head to the side to kiss you gently on the lips. first starting off as sweet pecks that gradually turned into her licking your lips for entrance, wanting to let her tongue roam the insides of your mouth. she’s so gentle with it, savouring your reactions as if she’s never going to see you again, taking the time to tease you where she knows you like, commenting on how pretty your moans are and more. “you’re so cute, y/n. you’re so pretty”

you notice her bulge growing larger and larger, she was getting turned on too, purposely pushing her chest into your back because she knows how much you love her tits, but also because she wants to feel closer to you, and of course the fabric covering her nipples rubbed against her which she always loved. her breath tickling your neck as she, not so subtly, grinds you on her covered cock. oh she’s definitely hard. with how big it is, it must be a pain to keep it hidden in her jeans all day.

“jimin… mm.. take your.. boxers off” you whimper out between each breath you take. carefully lifting you up a little bit, you help her shuffle out of her boxers, letting it fall to her feet. “god you’re so- big” she wraps her arms around your waist pulling you back down, this time sliding her cock all the way inside, her tip almost kissing your cervix.

“can i start moving?” nipping your ear as she strokes the sides of your waist again. her tone filled with dripping lust, it was so obvious that she wanted to ram into you, but she wasn’t like that… unless you told her to.

“go ahead”

ever so gently she pushes her cock in and out of you, yet again praising you for taking her so well and saying how good your pretty moans sound to her. “focus… on me. let me help you forget about that stupid exam” lifting your hips up and pushing it back down again to help you ride her.

to be honest, the position you guys were in made it quite difficult for her to move her hips. but nonetheless she wanted you to be comfortable, only disregarding her slight discomfort to help you with your stress. so sweet.

she began to quicken her thrusts, feeling your walls squeezing down on her shaft. akin to a puppy, she desperately ruts into you, her moans becoming more and more louder with each push, yet she doesn’t forget about you.

gathering up the slick between your thighs she uses one of her hands, slowly rubbing your clit in circles while she uses her other hand to move your head to the side, acting on the urge to kiss you once more.

too absorbed in the pleasure, you and jimin fail to notice the sound of the front door being pushed open.

minjeong, fully unaware of whatever is going on in your room, bought your favourite drink as a surprise from the cafe just across the street, hoping that it would soothe you as she was also equally worried as jimin

“y/n, i’ve got your fav- hi..?” she knows you study with your headphones on so she usually walks in without a care, but this time was different. oh she was flushed in the face. “um- i- uhhhh…” stuttering horribly while she awkwardly places the drink on your desk. there you were with jimins cock shoved right up your cunt, legs wide open for her to gawk at.

who in the dorm wouldn’t get a boner? absolutely no one, obviously. and with full shame, minjeong felt her pants tighten, groaning at the delicious view in front of her.

you and jimin couldn’t care any less at this point, still fucking while she was in the room. you could tell that she was holding herself back when she could very easily take your head and shove you down to choke on her cock. but you knew she had a lot of shame to not do that.

“i-i’ll just leave. uh… you two carry on w-what you were doing” just before she was about to leave, jimin ,although dazed, thought long and hard.

“minjeong wait. fuck, help me out please? make y/n forget about studying for now” suddenly hoisting you up causing you to whine “y/n baby, lay down on your back for me please” doing as you were told, you laid there bare, pussy clenching around nothing as you felt the stares of two hungry woman staring at your naked body.

minjeong immediately grew shy at the request, throwing a glance at your still body waiting for her on the bed. she sighed, “are you sure? none of us have shared y/n before so like… i don't know” it took a few more persuasions from jimin to fully get her to agree. not usually topping you she didn’t have a clue on what to do. here you laid with your legs open for her, chest rising up and down, eagerly waiting for either one of their cocks to fill you up.

“guysss… hurry up please. i’m horny as hell and i need to get back to studying”

“hold on a sec. let me just move again” jimin said as she stood up. hovering almost right above your head, she orders you to open your mouth wide enough for her to slide her length in. as she fills your throat up, she takes both of her hands around your neck, both for choking you and stabilisation.

again, minjeong just stood there. drinking in the view of you taking jimins massive dick inside of your whorish mouth. just look at the bump moving up and down your throat. everyone say thank you to karina.

quickly taking off both her pants and underwear, she shuffles herself between your legs and teases your entrance. “a-ah, you’re already so wet y/n… mmhm i’m putting it in okay?” latching onto your hips for dear life. poor minjeongie, it’s her first time trying to dom you without being drunk as hell. shyly bucking her hips into you, you let out a couple faint moans.

“cmon minjeong don’t pussy around. actually slam into her- fuck, like this..” while demonstrating her extremely good thrust game, she starts fucking your mouth, pretty much using it like a fleshlight. “god your throat feels so amazing. good girl, k-keep using your tongue like that”

amazed at how rhythmic her hips were moving, she starts following the same speed as her. thrusting in and out in the same pace as she does, creating this new and very welcome sensation. it was also oddly sensual, knowing that the two of your roommates were currently bonding over… having sex with you. endearing in some sort of way.

getting lost in the moment, feeling both of your holes being filled up with these two massive cocks, you feel your legs shaking baadddd. the both of them could feel you growing closer to orgasm, minjeongie feeling your pussy pulsing and tightening each time she hits your favourite spot, whilst jimin could feel you struggling to keep up with your deepthroating, feeling how your muffled moans grew louder and louder. and of course this caused them to both edge closer to their own orgasm.

it hit hard. harder than usual. both watching as you unravel under them, hands searching for the nearest thing to grab, that being jimins arm. slipping your mouth out of jimins cock, you lift your back off of the bed, lips parting as your head rolled back in pure ecstasy. it felt so relieving.

and shortly after the two of them both came. minjeong spilling every last drop of cum into your pussy, leaning forwards to push her load further into you. then jimin finishing all over your face and stomach, her warm cum decorating your body.

you definitely deserve this after working your ass off for the past few days.

the three of you just rested for a while. panting heavily as you all simmer down from your highs.

“i’ll be back, i’ll get you guys some water” pulling her boxers back on and walking to the kitchen her boner is still apparent. well i mean your tits are still covered with her cum, how can she not be turned on

“oh right! your drink i almost forgot about it” minjeong says as she grabs it from your desk. she’s still stood between your legs but the distance from your bed to there wasn’t quite far away. lowering the drink to your face, she also wipes the cum away with her other hand. “didn’t know jimin unnie cums this much. goddamn…” you laugh at her, sipping the drink.

“minjeong… are you going to pull out yet?

“can we cuddle like this instead? you feel comfy” setting the drink back down, both facing each other, she lies right beside you, her cock still inside.

“yeah alright cutie, i guess i’ll stop studying. let’s just stay like this tonight” embracing her as she kisses your cheek.

“you guys cuddling without me?? wait for me” pouting so cutely at you both “let me join in” now the three of you are all cuddling on one bed. all cosy together you doze off to sleep completely ignoring the work you had to do. oh well you can try again tomorrow, but maybe they’ll help you relax again :))

#wintersera #aespa smut #aespa x fem reader smut #aespa x fem reader #aespa karina smut #aespa winter smut #g!p aespa #g!p winter #g!p karina #kpop smut #fem! reader #girl group smut #gg x reader

[firesnap]

Rambling about bad c!Crime takes in 2024.

I think the struggle with being a c!Crime fan during peak DSMP was having to deal with the people who would unironically use "vilbur" like it was a badge of honor and the ones who legitimately thought c!Tommy was 8-years-old at the beginning of L'Manberg.

Like, I don't need to rehash a lot of this. A hundred meta essays were about how Tommy was not responsible for Wilbur's mental health, that he was a front row audience member watching Wilbur's decline and begging people to intercede because he was a damn teenager with zero tools in his kit for "help my brother is frightening me and he's ten feet from me but I think I've lost him in this cave."

But you can still see people go "Ok Tommy helped make Wilbur worse."

No. Just no Tommy's worst behaviors didn't impact Wilbur because Wilbur was so far into his own spiral at that point that it just didn't even phase him if Tommy called him insane. You can't put that on Tommy. When Wilbur came back he even said he could recognize the man he was back then was frightening and beyond what Tommy should have had to see.

But, saying Wilbur acted on violent delusions on Tommy or emotionally abused him or isolated Tommy on purpose... Girl this isn't exile arc and you're not getting c!Crime.

Wilbur and Tommy at their best were moments were like... Tommy with a shield in front of Wilbur, Wilbur with a hand on Tommy's shoulder saying to be better than Wilbur ever was, Tommy and Wilbur running through a small nation and dancing on beaches and laughing at how fucking much the other one sucked with every bit of affection in the world tied behind those words. It was a loop of I'd die for you, I'd die for anything but especially you and Who the fuck ever asked you to die??

At their worst they were a negative feedback loop that fed each other. Tommy was possessive of Wilbur, from even the early L'Manberg days, to the point where Wilbur often neglected other relationships to give Tommy attention. He was angry at Wilbur for falling off the pedestal that Tommy put him on. Wilbur was just as dependent on Tommy being always behind him and took advantage of the fact that Tommy wouldn't leave. He dumped his own fears and paranoia and self-hatred at Tommy's feet and then assumed that this person younger than him could sort through it.

And if you can't handle hearing how they fed the worst parts of each other, then maybe you aren't really here for that dynamic. Maybe you've made something else up in your head that you like more. And that's fine, man. Do whatever the server is gone. Just don't act like your personal version is what canon gave us.

Also, something something it's totally fine to dislike Wilbur's finale btw, but as imperfect as the execution was, it was right on board with what they were telling us about c!Crime from right when Wilbur was revived to Wilbur telling Ranboo that, essentially, Tommy would never leave him and Wilbur knew that wasn't healthy. They needed to break the cycle to save themselves and whatever brotherhood was between them.

They were about acknowledging they were tied to each other in fucked up and unhealthy ways, but needing that sense of brother so much that they were both afraid to do anything about it.

[huggybearhughes43]

omg can you write like a jeremy swayman smut pls there isn’t enough for this fine ass man 😞

You asked him?!

Jeremy Swayman x Fem! Reader

Warnings- enemies to lovers (ur not human if you hate this man idc), smut smut smut smut, PnV, anal penetration🤫, love bites, cursing, creampie, lmk if there’s anything else

Summary- Since the day you started working as the bruins management the goalie had it out for you. Nothing in particular set him off but now you two couldn’t go a day without arguing. Your best friend told you to forget your resent argument but you couldn’t. So you showed up to his apartment to ask what he meant by what he said.

Word count- 1.7k

Ever since the very first day of working for the Bruins, Jeremy and I had it out for each other. Nothing happened, but the second our eyes met we hated each other. Every bitchy remark or roll of the eyes had me closer and closer to slapping him everyday.

Soft chatter filled the air of the hallway to the locker room. The boys had just finished with their game and were on their way home. After every practice, it’s my job to close up the rink, which includes making everyone is out. I sigh as the last of the group walks out, or what I thought was the last.

I rub my eyes and make my way into the humid (probably from the showers) locker room. It was mere silent as I walked in. Looking down at my phone I run face first into a firm chest. I look up, so ready to apologize. My worried expression faded to an annoyed one when my eyes meet Jeremy’s.

“Could you take any longer? I have a job to do and an apartment to get back to.” I huff and put my phone in my pocket before crossing my arms.

He rolls his eyes and steps out of the way for me to enter. His hair was dripping wet with sweat and his eyes droopy, sad even. The team had just lost against the kraken. I rub my neck as I walk in, guilt hanging in the air.

“Look- I’m sorry, I-“ I begin but he cuts me off.

“I don’t need pity from some girl who knows nothing about hockey.” He chucks his bag over his shoulder.

I scoff, my arms never leaving the crossed position on my chest. “I was literally trying to be nice!”

“Shocker.” I bite my lip, trying to hold back a bitchy remark that was so close to slipping out.

“Fuck you.” I say, trying my best to not say something that I’d ultimately feel bad about later that night.

He smirks and rubs his eyes. “Word is you want to.” He shrugs and walks out of the locker room, leaving me stunned.

I do my job quickly and get out of the arena. Stepping into the apartment I’m met with the stare of my roommate, also my best friend. I’m slightly taken aback, “what?”

She breaks the stare with a blink. “Nothing, you just look like you’ve seen a ghost.” “Oh,” I tsk and set my purse and keys down on the coffee table before sitting on the love seat we had in our living room. “Jeremy.” I shrug.

Lana, my best friend, groans and spins dramatically before looking back at me. “Just slap him already, please, for the sake of your mental health, I’m begging you”

I smile lightly and look at her. “I wish” I start, “he said ‘the word’ was I wanted to fuck him.” Lana huffs “he wishes” “I just wanna know who told him that. Because let me tell you, that’s the furthest thing from the truth.” I pause, “you know what, I’m gonna ask him.”

Lana furrows her brows. “Like… now?” “He lives a few roads down,I won’t be able to sleep until I know.” I grab my keys again and leave Lana in the dust as I storm outside and back into my car. It’s five minutes in the car before I’m parked in his driveway. I contemplate for a moment then get out of my car.

I knock hastily on his door, not stopping until he answered. The bright sun setting casting a purple-pink haze on the sky. He opened the door with his brows furrowed, his eyes drop down to mine before his expression softens but only an amount I would notice.

“What the hell are you doing?” His hair was dripping wet with water this time, his chest shirtless, he was only wearing a grey pair of sweatpants.

“I wanna know what you meant, when you said ‘the word is you want to’” I cross my arms bitterly and a smile cracks on his face.

He steps to the side to let me in. I gladly take the offer, not wanting to stand in the cold Boston air anymore. He closes the door as I turn around, our eyes meeting again.

“You’re telling me you came all this way to my house because you wanted to know why I said you wanted to fuck me?” He crosses his arms, his muscles flexing. I curse myself under my breath for staring. “Is that not supposed to confirm my suspicions?”

My jaw drops with a gasp. “What?! No! I don’t wanna fuck you!”. Jeremy tilts his head with a cheeky smirk, “yeah?” He takes steps closer until he was so close I could feel his breath fanning across my face. “Y-yeah.” I clear my throat. “Then tell me to stop” “wha-“ my words are cut off by his lips attaching to my neck. Soft nips every now and then between the kisses made my breath hitch and involuntary moans leave my throat.

“Jeremy- this isn’t a good idea…” his teeth pull at my skin as he moves his head to be level with mine, a smirk playing on his now plump lips. “Why? You don’t like the idea of actually liking me?” The sun was now fully gone, the only light illuminating the room was the light coming from the lamp in the corner of his entryway.

I contemplate for a moment, liking him for a change does sound nice. I sigh and move up a millimeter, connecting our lips in a harsh, hungry kiss. I felt his shit eating grin against my lips, not caring anymore I force my tongue into his mouth.

“If you think you’re in control here, you’re crazy.” He loops his hands around me onto my ass. “Jump” he whispers breathlessly. I do as he says, my legs wrapping around his waist as he hoists me up. He smirks, “good girl.” He kisses me again as he walks us to his bedroom.

He lays me on his bed softly before crawling on top of me, our lips connecting again. I moan softly into the kiss, my fingers fumbling with the waistband of his sweatpants. He tsks “I wanna see you first.” He pulls away and lifts my sweater over my head, my black Lacey bra on full display for him. He mumbles a low ‘fuck’ and places a kiss on both of my breasts before looping his fingers around the waistband of my jeans, pulling them down. I was now only left in my matching Lacey set.

His obvious bulge shown through his sweatpants. He looks up at me as he presses a kiss to my stomach before coming back up, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “And you said you didn’t wanna get fucked, huh?” My face flushes with a pink hue “it’s comfortable-“ “mhm” he kneels between my legs, kissing soft kisses before kissing my cunt through my panties. My breath hitches again as I squirm from the sensation.

He smirks and connects our eyes as he softly bites my panties before pulling them down with his teeth. “Jere- fuck” I moan as the cool air hits my wet pussy. He hooks his arms around me and undoes my bra, pulling it off. I was now left completely naked, squirming on his bed. “Jeremy” I whine as I tug on his waistband again. “Dirty girl” he whispers then pulls off the sweatpants that I had grown to hate.

My eyes slightly widen as my eyes drift down to his enlarged hard cock. “Flip over for me, yeah?” I nod and flip over for him, pushing my ass in the air for him. “Good girl” he runs a finger through my already wet cunt, forcing a moan from me. “Already so wet? Don’t even think I need to get you ready.” He squeezes my ass then I feel him press his dick against my entrance.

“Please~ I need you- I-“ my words are cut off by him easing into me. I gasp and moan out as I feel the sting of the stretch. He lets out a throaty groan as I squeeze around him. He bottoms out and the sting soon fades to pleasure. “Please move, Jere” he smirks at the nickname and retracts before slamming into me. I moan out loudly as I arch my back, my ass pressing into his pelvis.

Jeremy lolls his head back in pleasure, pinching his eyes shut as he pounds into me. I could think of anything but him and his cock as he fucked me dumb. I press my face into the pillows on his bed, muffling the moans. My head turns to the side, I gasp out quiet sobs of pleasure, feeling a calloused thumb prod at my tight asshole.

“Jeremy m’gonna cum” I manage to gasp out, my cunt clenching around his thick shaft. “Cum for me, pretty girl.” I cry out as I cum around his cock, breathing hard to catch my breath. He leans down to kiss my shoulder softly. “Where do you want it?” “In me Jere, I’m on the pill” I hear his light chuckle turned in a groan as he fills me up with his warm ropes. He pulls out slowly before collapsing beside me.

“We should’ve done that way sooner, baby.” He moves a hair out of my face. Still on my stomach, I smile softly. “I don’t think I can ever hate you again.” We share a laugh as he gets up. “Be right back.” Moments later he comes back with a warm cloth and a glass of water. He sits the water down on the side table as he moves to hover me again, pressing a kiss to my lips before cleaning me up with the cloth.

He lays next to me once again, pulling the covers over both of us. I nestle into him in a cuddle and drift to sleep.

After soft morning kisses and protests I insisted that I needed to get home to get ready for work. Jeremy pouting when I remind him I’d see him in a hour at work.

I was met with a judgmental stare from Lana as I walked through my front door. “You asked him?! And what did that get you?” I smile sheepishly.

“The best fuck of my life?”

~~~

Me when I got this request:

If Jeremy Swayman has no fans I’m DEAD

#smut #hockey smut #jeremy swayman smut #jeremy swayman #nhl

[lixiektty]

angel pussy

word count: 1.3k

warnings/kinks: dom!chan, sub!reader, language, oral (f. receiving), pussy smacking, praise, only a little degradation, pet names, dirty talk, pls feel free to let me know if i missed anything!!

author's note: took a mental health break while i was trying to finish up school before winter break, but i'm back!! and i hope you all enjoy my upcoming works for this month.

» slutmas masterlist «

waking up here would always felt like a dream. all the walls to the room were glass, giving an open view to the snow falling down and landing onto the ground. it was better knowing that you lived in the middle of nowhere and didn't have to worry about anyone watch you.

it'd get really cold at night but with your boyfriend by your side, he kept you company with his body heat, you rested peacefully everytime.

this morning, he woke you up with a shower of kisses along your collarbone and neck. he had been going at it since the moment he woke up, eager for the taste of your skin. you were addicting to him, honestly. he really could not get enough.

chan didn't start moving closer to your jaw until he felt you starting to stir awake. you groan, eyes fluttering open, "chris—" you whine.

"good morning, angel," he mumbled against your skin, "i woke up with a craving."

you sigh, head resting back on the pillows, "what is it?"

"was craving you— the sweet taste of your pussy, can i eat you out?" he asked. he sounded so innocent asking like that, you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on— even just a little bit.

"it's 7 in the morning," you protest.

"that's never stopped us before," he chuckled, leaving a wet peck right under your jaw, "come on baby, it's driving me crazy."

chan was still marking up your neck, hand now creeping under your shirt. his warm fingers sliding against your skin sent chills down your spine. you didn't want to reject his offer, you were just still half asleep and wanted to go back to your slumber.

"you can lay back and relax, i'll do all the work," he added, hoping it'd make you agree.

"ugh, fine," those words leaving your mouth excited chan more than you thought, a bright smile shining on his face as if he didn't ask for such a dirty thing.

"thank you, angel," he thanked, before moving on top of you while still remaining under the covers, placing the most gentle kiss upon your lips.

he was soon moving down, disappearing into the blanket, hot breath on your already bare cunt.

"only put my shirt on last night?" he asked. you heard that smirk he wore on his face so clearly.

you hum in response, hips wiggling as if it was an invite for him to finally shove his face between your legs. his hands rub the smooth skin on your thighs, pushing them up and apart for him to fit comfortably into.

finally, his skilled mouth was on you, gently sucking up your arousal. you let out a sigh in pleasure, relaxing just as chan said you would.

it didn't matter how, what, when or where— chan was going to show you his affection. just like this morning, he only wanted to taste you, not even wanting to fuck you like that wouldn't please him too. no, he just wanted the taste of you melting on his tongue.

"mmh, so sweet," he praised, humming into you.

your clit throbbed from the attention he was giving you, and the words leaving his dirty mouth. he knew exactly how to use it wether that being on you or using it to say the things he knew would have you weak in the knees.

his tongue was moving in slow circles, taking his time and being gentle with you this early in the morning. you appreciated it, but your body needed more. everything was happening too slow.

usually, on any other occasion, chan would be eating you out as if he was starving. lips bright pink and swollen after being done with you. as much as you wanted, you had no idea what was going on in his mind and why he was taking his time. he wanted to savor every taste even though he knew he had you all the himself.

it was difficult to hold yourself back when being expressive with what you desire most. so you didn't, bucking your hips up into his mouth.

"more, chan please—" you beg. his next actions after pulling away surprise you though, considering he had been so gentle not too long ago. a sharp slap was sent against your folds. you jump at the obvious contact.

"i told you to relax and i'd do the work right?" he asked, if only you could see that look on his face, "don't act up."

you stayed quiet after that, other than the uncontrollable moans leaving you. chan became a lot more messy, even after him basically telling you to not tell him what to do. he was doing just as begged for.

"is this want you wanted? my poor little slutty angel just couldn't wait two seconds," he said, burying his face back into you.

you were a moaning mess already. the only thing that'd get you closer to your orgasm was if you could see his face. your lower body was just so cold— the more chan was eating at you like a madman, the more your body actually started to heat up.

it was almost like it was your first instinct to yank the blanket off of him, which is exactly what you did. earning a grin from chan once he looked up and realized he was no longer hiding under the covers, "like seeing me between your thighs?" you nod, lip stuck between your teeth. "you're the prettiest little thing, yunno?"

you couldn't stand how much he was praising you, it was hard to hide that his words effected you— and he knew they did. each swipe of his tongue sent another rush of pleasure through your veins and you already felt so close to your high.

chan knew your body so well, he knew when you on the verge of snapping. he kept his mouth on you, tongue focusing on your bud and sucking hard until he heard a cry from you.

"fuck— chan, i'm close," you moan, fingers in his curly locks and yanking him in closer.

he could smell, taste, and feel all of you— his mind was all over the place. you were so sweet in every way possible, it genuinely drove him nuts.

"you can cum, angel," he said, pulling away after every other word, "put all those sweet angel juices all over my face, go on."

chan was a fucking menace. he made you putty into his hands by just his words and tongue. you wondered how he did it— how he had the power to do such things.

"ah— jesus chan," you cried, body tensing and hips pushing down on your boyfriend's tongue.

chan allowed you to ride his tongue until you stopped moving. he pressed a kiss against you, making you shiver— this caused him to laugh a little, apologizing. "sorry," he said with a grin, "i can do that all day."

"well, we have things to do," you reply instantly, sitting up and closing your legs.

that was a lie. neither of you had to work, or had plans with friends. today was a free day, and all you wanted to do was lay and do absolutely fucking nothing. it wasn't like you could do much anyways considering the amount of snow piling up.

"yeah, like what?" chan asked.

your eyes got big, corners of your mouth curling, "cuddle and watch movies," you suggested, "it's a snow day."

he didn't argue, sitting next to you and pulling the blanket draped over the both of you up. he pulled you close and picked up the remote to begin surfing around for something to watch.

"anything you wanna watch specifically?" he asked, you shake you head, "no, surprise me," chan hummed, kissing your forehead then scrolled through the movies. your head was now rested on his chest, legs ontop of his and taking in all his warmth shared under the blanket.

nothing, honestly, could ever be better than this.

#stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #skz smut #skz imagines #bang chan smut #bang chan imagines #chan smut #chan imagines #kpop smut #kpop imagines #smut #imagine #imagines #christmas smut

[justmeinadaze]

"I'm Just a F**ked Up Girl Looking For Her Own Peace of Mind"

I'm currently experience this and struggling with it so I wrote a little thing here. *sighs*

TW: Mental health (anxiety and depression), child abuse, mentions of suicidal thoughts. Reader has a breakdown and the guys help her through.

Eddie firmly barreled open the front door as he powerwalked into the house. Steve had texted those two words he dreaded every time he got a text from the former jock. 

“Bad day.”

When they started dating you, you told them about your past. About the hospital stay and medication… the depressive lows and manic anxiety episodes… the thoughts that pushed through your head from time to time even though your life was so much better now than where it had been. 

“I’m not…easy…to be with.”

“That’s ok, honey, neither are we.”

You three had laughed at that at the time. 

The first time they experienced it broke their hearts for you. People always mentioned “feeling depressed” or “oh I’m so anxious about this thing!” but they discovered the true meaning of those words during your first break in front of them.

They hadn’t moved in with you yet so you were able to hide the fact that you hadn’t been sleeping. Your mind constantly reminding you of things that needed to be done and how you were a failure for not doing them. Nightmares plagued your dreams at all hours so you just gave up, scrolling through your phone instead as the mental illness continued to whisper.

“Do better. You’re lazy. May as well just get it over with and end the burden you put on people.”

That following evening you had a date night with them at their place and you couldn’t cancel. You genuinely wanted to see them but you were so tired…

“A good girlfriend goes out on dates. Go ahead. Cancel. Let’s see how quick they leave you for someone better.”

Through the first half of the movie they put on, your leg never stopped moving. Steve watched as your eyes never stayed focus in one place. Eddie felt your erratic energy radiate off you as you switched from holding his hand to letting go every few minutes. 

“Baby? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah.”, you responded a bit too enthusiastically. “Yeah, Ed, I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just a bit tired. It’s ok. I’ll get over it.”

Steve paused the film and as his hand petted your head you broke down. 

“I’m sorry. Fuck! Why can’t I be normal?! I’m ruining everything. You should just leave me and find someone better.”

“Hey, hey. No. Sweetheart, no one is better than you.”

“Talk to us, honey. What’s going on?”

You sobbed as you told them what had been happening over the last few days. The listened intently, comforting you anyway they could think of in that moment. 

“They don’t go away, Steve. Those thoughts never go away. Most days I can manage them but they are always there. W-Who can I tell? If I tell a therapist or a doctor they will put me back in the hospital even though I’m not going to do anything… I can’t tell my friends because I feel like I’m burdening them or they just don’t care. I can’t tell people in general because then I’m being ‘overdramatic’. I can’t take time to heal because I’m supposed to ‘suck it up’. So I do… Eddie, I want my brain to just stop telling me I want to die because I really don’t. Some days, though, on bad days…it’s so loud…”

The metalhead yanked you to his chest as you cried, crying with you as he tightened his grip as if he could squeeze all your broken pieces back together. He’d give anything to take your pain away, they both would. 

Today was a manic day and Steve picked up on it fast. Today was his day off and as soon as you woke up, you barely said a word. He asked you if you wanted breakfast and you shot him an angry look as you walked away. Turning on the tv, he put on the game but after a few minutes you came around the corner snapping at him to turn the noise down. Even when he muted the sound, he could hear you growling and swearing under your breath as you moved around the bedroom. 

Other people would see it as you being a brat; causing drama for the sake of drama. 

You wished you could make the world understand that was the opposite of what you wanted. In an episode like this everything was just…amplified…and for some reason your brain insisted it was on purpose. Steve was purposely turning up the volume to get under skin. The birds chirping outside knew you were on the edge so they gathered outside your window with intent. Even the clock on the bed side table was mocking you. 

Both men tried to handle days like this by themselves but when it got to a certain point, they knew they needed to come together to help you. That point came when you abruptly screamed and threw something hard against the wall. 

When Eddie entered the bedroom, Steve was off to the side watching you as you angrily paced, fluttering your fingers with eyes squeezed tightly closed. 

“What happened?”

Your eyes open at the sound of his voice as you shrugged and threw your hands in the air. 

“What happened? What the fuck happened?! Oh, I don’t know. Where do we start, Eddie?! This house is a fucking mess. I tell you guys all the time I need fucking help! I’m not a maid! I’m your girlfriend! But who fucking cares right?! We can just live in trash and be unhappy!”

They knew better than to respond. Before you three moved in together, you had suggested they come to therapy with you and they were surprised with some of the things they learned. They and even you knew they were more than accommodating when it came to housework and splitting household chores. When you were growing up, however, it was never enough.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, look at this mess! Did you do anything today?!”

Little you looked around at the immaculate living room wondering what else you could have missed. 

“I work and I slave all day at a job I hate so you can have food and a roof! The least you could do is fucking get off your ass and clean a bit!”

“I-I’m sorry, mama.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do your job! We’re a team remember? I need you to pull your weight.”

They could almost see interactions like that replaying through your eyes and it killed them. They also saw how fast the logic brain took over as you realized what you were doing before the depressive brain abruptly took over.

“I’m sorry. I-I don’t mean to… I know I’m being crazy…I just…” You lean your back against the wall and slide to the floor with your hands over your ears. 

Both men descend with you, crawling closer to you and as soon as Steve’s hand touches your bicep you head shoots up with eyes full of tears. 

“I’m sorry. You two don’t deserve this. I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

“No, baby, you’re not terrible. Everything’s ok.”

“I-I-I appreciate…e-e-every…everything you guys do. Fuck. Everything is so loud, Eddie. I can’t… I couldn’t…I just wanted to scream…”

“Then scream.” You laughed at his response as you wiped your eyes but he insisted. “I’m serious, sweetheart. Just let go.”

“What about…about the neighbors?”

“Like they don’t get an earful almost every night.”, he jokes, grinning when you laugh again. “Go ahead. Just lean back and let loose.”

You roll your eyes as you do what he says but it’s a small shout that barely echoes in the room. 

“Wow. That was both adorable and pathetic. Come on now. Steve, why don’t you try?”

Chuckling, he struggles to stop smiling making you giggle harder before finally closing his eyes and letting out a good scream that makes the metalhead clap. 

“That’s the king of Hawkins right there! Now try again princess.”

Sighing at his antics, you do as he says actually letting go while they scrunch their face and cover their ears. 

“Woo! That was like Banshee from X-Men! Way to go!”

“What about you, nerd?”, you ask as he smirks.

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate as he leans his head back and howls loudly like a wolf. 

“I love you both.”, you softly grin as you reach for both boy’s hands. “I’m sorry for being…me.”

Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, Steve tilts you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. 

“Don’t ever apologize for being you, honey. We love you. Every part of you.”

“We know everyday you’re trying, baby. Unlike your mother who insists on being an evil little gremlin.” You giggle at Eddie’s interpretation. “Like your wizard of a therapist said, healing takes time and we’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Jesus, Munson, you ARE a nerd.”, Steve jests. “But the other stuff he said I agree with.”

“Oh please! Tell me her doctor doesn’t sound like Gandalf from time to time.”

“I still have no idea who that is.”

After rising to his feet, the metalhead grabs your hands and pulls you off the floor. 

“Well, I know what we’re doing tonight.”, he announces with a mischievous smirk before kissing your lips and running back towards the living room. 

“I’ll make dinner.”, Steve murmurs as he leans down to kiss your lips as well. 

“Oh, you know he won’t allow that. He’s going to want you in front of the tv so you don’t miss anything.”

“True. Hm. How about Enzos delivered?”

When you nod, he caresses your cheek before disappearing after his friend. 

As your eyes glance around the room again everything seems different than it did before. Instead of seeing a mess ridden, dark empty area, you saw a bright room filled with memories of the men you loved making you laugh and feel loved unconditionally. 

“But for how long? It’s only a matter of time.”

“No, it’s not.”, you whisper. 

Taking a deep breath, you head towards the living room where Eddie and Steve greet you with a comforting smile. 

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #joe keery #joseph quinn #steddie drabble #steddie au #mental health #mental health is important #you are not alone #you are loved #you matter #you are enough

[bioticlaw]

Symbiosis

( yandere geto suguru x female reader )

It couldn’t be. He was a professional, someone like him wouldn’t make such an amateur mistake. He said it himself: he wanted to help you. Dr. Geto becomes your lifeline.

content: yandere Geto, drug misuse & non-consensual drugging, dependency, past familial trauma, mental health issues, introspection, mentioned past overdose, medical malpractice. contains sensitive content. not a love story. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT — 5.5k words

notes: please keep it mind that my intention is not to romanticise or glorify these experiences, it is a personal narrative, so it's based on my experiences and feelings at the time. otherwise, I hope you enjoy the story and please, be kind. <3

divider by cafekitsune | cross-posted on ao3

You coasted through your life.

You moved on autopilot, you never questioned or thought about anything, and you had a routine you followed without deviation. You’d been in a state like this for as long as you could remember. You used to wonder how it all began. You used to feel hurt as you were thrown into a deep spiral when you realised that the joyous child you were was now a puppet on its cruel maker’s strings.

You wished you could have saved her.

You knew it was illogical to think that way. You can’t change a story that has already been inked and carved into permanence. Still, it didn’t stop your mind from wandering. Sometimes you’d think of what would’ve been if you could go back in time and save her from her father. If you could have escaped from your captor who saw you as collateral and not his child. Your grandmother used to believe that men were meant to lead and protect their families, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Was it protecting you when he’d forbidden you from reaching out to the outside world?

Was it protecting you when he’d lock you in his room, away from anything you could use to call for help?

You liked to insist that you didn’t care anymore. Maybe you were a liar. You’d been dishonest far too often in your life, after all. Maybe, in a fucked up spin on the story of Narcissus and his reflection, you fell for your own tricks. You liked to believe you didn’t care, but sometimes, you’d find yourself feeling like that child again—alone and afraid as he gave more love to his stepchildren than you.

You might not have known anything at six years old. He was still your father. But as much as you loved him, you needed to break out of the chains he placed on your life. When he fell asleep from all the drinking he did, you took your chance. Called the number you weren’t allowed to call, decided on where to meet her the next day. Pretended like everything was normal when he woke up. Your mother took you back to your real home from school, and just like that, you were finally free. He cared too much about his public image to start a fight in public. It was the luckiest you had ever been.

You ended up forgetting about it all. You were happy. You were home. You might have spent more time with another relative because your mother was always busy, but you were loved. You felt loved. At least, that was how you remembered it. You weren’t quite sure if your memory was truly failing or if passivity had just been present for all your life. Your memories were in vignettes, burnt and broken, a film reel that was cut and couldn’t be put together. You’d given up on trying to remember. You were fine with leaving yourself in the dark and you were fine with being oblivious. You wouldn’t know if your memories were real, but it didn’t matter anymore.

High school was a blur. You fell asleep, skipped class, and still managed to stay one of your class’ best students despite it all. It was all you could do, anyway. It was just another obstacle you had to get over. As soon as you left the graduation ceremony, you left everyone behind with your memories. The teachers, the staff, your ‘friends.’ You didn’t know them that well. You hadn’t been all too honest with them, just like you weren’t honest with your doctor. The pills he gave you helped—you knew they did. For once, you felt like you were back on earth. You needed the feeling to stay with you. You needed to feel alive, to be alive again.

You liked the moment of bliss you’d get when you came to, so much so that you’d taken it all to die with a smile, but death never came.

Instead, the white light you saw was from the fluorescence of the ceiling, and the angelic choir you wanted to hear was instead the slow beeps of your heart rate on the monitor. What the doctors were talking about over your half-unconscious form didn’t feel like words but nonsense. You couldn’t remember what the nurse said to you, either. All you knew was that in your trance, the state where you teetered on the line between life and death, you saw shadows in that hospital. You saw the ghost of your grandmother in the corner, watching as charcoal flowed down your throat and into your stomach. You felt your father’s indifferent gaze, the same one he had when you drifted too far from shore at the beach.

You heard your mother crying, felt her guilt as she went through the whirlwind you had inadvertently put her in. It was perhaps your biggest regret of all; not the taking of your happy pills, but letting her shed tears over you. Your grandmother used to tell you this was the greatest sin you could ever commit. That scared you enough to force yourself to be better. To be as normal as you could be, as normal as your mother would want you to be. You didn’t want her to cry anymore.

But strength was never your best suit.

Your regret turned into something worse—anger that you let them take your salvation away from you. You weren’t always an angry person. It was hard to get on your nerves that much, you thought. You’d like to think you were carefree (or careless?) and resilient, but the craving in your system and the need to feel something again was all you could think of. You wanted your control back.

You had to get it back. Now that you were on your own, thousands of miles away from home, you had more autonomy to do as you liked. There were no vigilant eyes on you, no more obstacles to overcome, and no more people you had to lie to.

Tempted as you were to resort to such tactics again, you did initially come to the medical centre for a harmless reason. You were running low, and going through another withdrawal episode wasn’t something you were particularly thrilled about. You only wanted—needed—to keep yourself functioning; this was just part of the conditions that came with it. You hated dealing with these things for too long, so begrudgingly, you booked an appointment just to get it over with. Then you could go back to whatever your life was this time.

That feeling of emptiness would continue to persist, fading from one day to another, but you would live. It wasn’t anything worth celebrating. It was just a duty you gave yourself. Even if you didn’t want to, you had to.

Your leg bounced up and down as you sat in the waiting room, idly watching the second hand of the clock tick little by little. It was quiet and surprisingly not too crowded like you assumed when you looked at the appointment times. Other students you didn’t recognise scrolled through their phones, waiting for their names to be called just like you were. You sighed into your face mask. You were bored out of your mind and nothing on your phone could fix that. You’d still zone out anyway.

You glanced down at the paper in your hand. The letters seemed to burn themselves into your eyes the more you read them. You didn’t have to print the appointment details, but you valued your routine and habits no matter how mundane they were. You liked doing things in order. It kept you sane, you thought.

You didn’t quite recognise the name Dr. Suguru Geto. You were to meet them in—you took a glance back at the clock—2 minutes but you were dreading it more than anything. It would be your first time meeting them and if things went well, they’d be someone you see regularly. Apprehension and annoyance simmered at the pit of your stomach. Sudden changes were something you hated, even more so the fact that you had to tell a stranger your history all over again. Suffocated couldn’t possibly be the only word to describe how you felt about it. It was their job to know and help you, you knew that, but you still hated having to muster up the words to talk about how you were mentally and physically.

You didn’t like how vulnerable and paranoid you felt every time you sat in a doctor’s office. Anyone could use your weaknesses against you at any moment. Walking on eggshells around everyone had become second nature to you, irritatingly. It wasn’t as if you wanted to; it was more of a reflex, an instinct. You learnt to hide behind a character you built for yourself and grew used to it. To break that down and expose yourself again wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

Your name was called. “Dr. Geto is ready to see you now. Please follow me.”

The nurse’s heels clicked against the polished floors and the low buzz of the air conditioning was all that accompanied you as you followed her down the hall. Even the air was dreary, and the anxiousness you were feeling only seemed to grow as you got closer to the doctor’s office. It was colder at the end of the hallway where you stood. The nurse gently opened the sliding door, catching the doctor’s attention with a soft lilt of their name.

“Thank you,” you muttered and shuffled past her, tentatively making your way to the chair that was across Dr. Geto’s desk. As the door slid shut, the doctor greeted you, his voice far too jovial for a situation that could be the worst thing to deal with.

“Good morning,” he said. “How can I help you today?”

You shifted in your seat, feeling oddly more uncomfortable under his gaze. “I need a new written prescription. The one I brought from home doesn’t work here.”

“Ah, you’re a foreign student?” He scanned over the paper you handed him, a low hum vibrating in the back of his throat. His lips tugged into a frown. “I don’t think we have this variation in our pharmacy. I’d have to prescribe you a different one entirely.”

“W-What do you mean?” The words came out of you before you could think. “It’s pretty common, isn’t it? I could just buy it from pharmacies at home. What do you mean you don’t have that here?”

Geto raised his eyebrows. It was only then did it occur that you’d spoken too much and might’ve just attracted some suspicion as to why you were here. You pretended not to see how his expression changed, staring down at the floor instead.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice,” you said quietly. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine. I understand your worries,” he replied, eyes crinkling as he smiled once again. “How do you feel about starting a different one?”

“But…” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. You didn’t like how it felt being watched by him. It was like you were getting reprimanded for something, even if there was nothing in his visage that implied that at all.

“It won’t be that different. I can prescribe you something with a similar composition,” Dr. Geto explained. The way he spoke was soft and calm. It didn’t take too long for that to affect you, making the tension in your shoulders lift away and your fists unclench. “I assume you know enough about drugs, don’t you?”

You weren’t here for that reason. You just really needed a refill, you weren’t falling back, you weren’t—

“Yeah. Just enough,” you replied hesitantly. “I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and doctors for years, so I just picked it up from them. And I read a lot, so…”

It wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. The answer seemed to placate the doctor enough for him to lean back and scribble something down on a piece of paper. The sound of the pen scratching against the surface felt more grating than usual. You thought it was all done, that he’d give you that damn paper and you could leave. But then he crossed his arms over his chest and stared you down, and you realised that wasn’t the case at all. Why was he holding this back from you? Why wasn’t he helping you? All he had to do was click a few buttons, hit print and send you on your way. Why wasn’t he doing any of it?

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything.”

“I have been telling you everything,” you argued, exasperated and flustered. You didn’t understand why he was being so pointed at you. You didn’t remember exactly what you just said to him either. It had always been that way. “Doctor, I just don’t want to go through withdrawals again. That’s it.”

He didn’t seem convinced. What made him change his mind so quickly?

“I want to help you,” he said, your name rolling off his tongue smoothly. “I can’t do that if you don’t help me, too.”

You didn’t like the way he was speaking to you. It reminded you of being back at that wooden house, hiding behind the door as you anticipated when your father’s patience would burst. You shook your head, trying to clear the thought away.

“I… would like it if we could wrap this up soon. I have another appointment in half an hour,” you lied, hoping it would strike some urgency in him and that he would just hurry up. “I’m already running late. I need to be on my way.”

Dr. Geto raised an eyebrow. “You’re avoiding my request.”

“I-I’m not!” you stammered. “Please, doctor, I only have two days left on that bottle. I’ll take whatever it was called that you talked about. I’ve always responded well to medication, it won’t be a danger to me.”

He didn’t respond, only continued to watch you as he absentmindedly drummed his fingers on the desk. The sound was overloading your senses—you felt cornered, you could hear the blood rush in your ears, you could hear ringing, and the taps of his fingers were making it worse.

Hunching over, dejected, you relented. “I was never really told what was wrong with me. They just gave me antidepressants and I never saw the psychiatrist again.”

“You said you met several, no?”

Did you?

“I won’t make assumptions about you,” he said, “but I’m not sure I can trust you with a month’s worth of pills. I’ll only give you a week’s worth of them, then we’ll have a follow-up next Saturday to see how you feel. ”

“I don’t know… Changing medications is scary.”

You cringed at how the confession came out of you so easily. Sometimes it felt like your mind and your body weren’t in tune with each other. There was a gap between the two and you could never manage to get it to close.

Suddenly, the stern demeanour melted away and the friendly doctor was back. His brows were no longer furrowed. His face relaxed as he leaned back against the chair and smiled at you.

“It’s only a bit stronger than what you used to take. There shouldn’t be a drastic change.” The printer whirred to life as it ejected a small piece of paper with words you didn’t really recognise on it. Medical jargon was one of the things you could never memorise well. “Alright. Come, I’ll lead you to the pharmacy.”

You blinked. “You don’t have other appointments?”

“We’re understaffed. It’s only me and two other colleagues working here.”

It didn’t answer your question, but the hope blooming in your chest took your mind off of it. You could finally leave this creepy clinic—well, you were exaggerating, you thought. The clinic was actually well-maintained and populated, but there was just something that felt a little off about this place. You decided you’d blame it on your nerves.

“Please wait here.”

You watched him move between the shelves with an air of familiarity and grace as he murmured something you couldn’t hear. He came back with a small pouch that was labelled with your name and the general details (you knew the gist, you’d done this for years) and placed it on the counter between him and you.

“Like I said, this is a bit stronger than what you used to take, so I want you to start by taking half a pill every morning first.” The pills didn’t look anything out of the ordinary. It was a small, standard white tablet with a line etched in the middle for easier splitting. You gingerly tucked it into your bag, instead rummaging through the mess to look for your wallet. Before you could take out a bill or two, he stopped you. “The university has that covered, remember?”

You blinked. “Oh, right. Yes. Thank you.”

“Come see me if you have a bad reaction to it.” He gave you another friendly smile. It was starting to grow on you. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as you thought he would be. You had a knack for being a bit paranoid, after all. It was just one of those days. You felt a bit bad for judging him so harshly before you even properly spoke to him. “That’s all. I’ll see you next week, same time.”

There was a sense of discomfort nagging you in the back of your mind, but you shook it off. You were prone to overthinking things; this was just one of them. Relieved, you thanked him again and left the clinic. The weather was nice today and you didn’t have overdue assignments. You could recharge for as long as you wanted to.

While you knew not to underestimate these little things, you also weren’t sure how effective taking only half of the pill would be. It wasn’t the first time being on a dosage that would gradually increase, but you were still guilty of constantly worrying if something would work out. You didn’t think you had anything left to turn to if it didn’t.

You’d just have to take Dr. Geto’s word for it.

—

You were never one to pay much attention to how you were doing.

It wasn’t that you didn’t care. Something like that was simply not on the forefront of your mind. You were more than accustomed to being in a perpetual state of lethargy. You didn’t think you ever had a time in your life when you weren’t tired. Despite that, you felt the changes in your behaviour and demeanour. It was hard not to.

In the first half of the week, you felt sluggish and ill, as if your immune system decided to go haywire with the hormones in your brain, but you quickly recovered. It was nothing a little caffeine couldn’t fix (or worsen, but you didn’t want to think about it). He wasn’t lying when he said the medicine was stronger. The side effects weren’t as bad as you assumed they’d be, which you were glad about. Your appetite died down a little, but that was fine. You didn’t eat regularly anyway. As the days passed, you felt less anxious. It was somewhat easier to concentrate and follow along with your professors, even if you remained easily distracted.

Still, it wasn’t enough.

You were never one to pay much attention to how you were doing, but you weren’t one to shy away from your impulses, either. A thought popped into your mind. If you could take only half of the pill well, surely it would be fine to take another for a minor boost? You had a presentation later in the afternoon. Embarrassing yourself in front of the whole class was not an option. Your mother was working overtime to keep you in this position. You couldn’t fail her.

But as you picked up the blister pack, you found that it was empty.

“What?” you breathed. He prescribed you enough for seven days. Where was the last one? Had you accidentally double-dosed without knowing it? You wouldn’t put it past yourself to do something like that. The presentation slipped out of your mind entirely as you seemed to move purely on instinct, tugging the drawers open to also find nothing. When you crouched, you couldn’t find anything under the bed. There wasn’t anything in your luggage. Not even the closet where you’d habitually keep your pills hidden.

Your breathing was getting faster. You could hear the blood rushing in your ears, overwhelming you in white noise as you paced back and forth, shaky sobs leaving your lips as you clutched your hair in a firm grip. Just where was it?

Did Dr. Geto forget to give you enough?

No. It couldn’t be. He was a professional, someone like him wouldn’t make such an amateur mistake. He said it himself: he wanted to help you. It made no sense why he would screw you over like this. This was on you, you thought. You were responsible for keeping them and taking them per instruction. A doctor wouldn’t make a mistake like this. Dr. Geto wouldn’t make a mistake like this.

Your nails dug into your palms as a broken wail escaped you. You needed it. You had an important class later, it was almost exam season—you needed to do well. Your eyes scanned the room once again. Your old ones had already run out; the new pills were your only option, but both of them were gone.

You cursed and harshly wiped away your tears with your sleeve. You were going to be late. You’d just have to run to the clinic as soon as your next class ended. That’s right, you echoed in your head, nodding frantically. That was all you had to do. You could do this, you could. This has happened before. You just needed to try to keep yourself together.

“I can do this,” you repeated to yourself. “I can. I can.”

Tugging your hood over your head, you grabbed your bag and hurried your way to class, trying to ignore the dull ache at your temples. You could take a painkiller later. For now, there was no time—you had to go.

Your breathing was going back to normal by the time you stepped inside the room with a couple of minutes left to spare. Though you weren’t the only one late, humiliation still washed over you. It felt like an omen. You somehow lost or accidentally double-dosed on your pills, you arrived past your self-designated time, and all eyes were on you. Things were all going downhill from here, you just knew it.

You meekly shuffled to the back of the class instead of taking a seat at your usual spot. Maybe the professor would be less likely to call on you that way. The student beside you smiled in greeting and moved his bag for you. You didn’t know his name, but he was nothing but friendly to you the whole semester. It was embarrassing, being in front of someone who recognised you while in such a pitiful state, but there was nothing you could do.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. His brows furrowed, brown eyes looking at you in concern. “You wanna go to the infirmary? I mean, Fushiguro’s great at taking notes, we can just copy from him.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine. Just overslept.”

Thankfully, he seemed to buy it.

“Oh man, I totally get you. I actually ran here a bit before you did.” He patted your back, the action more awkward than it was comforting. Before he went back to chatting with his friends, he smiled at you. “Glad you’re okay.”

You returned the gesture. Though it didn’t quite reach your ears, he didn’t seem to notice or mind it that much. Luckily enough, the conversation ended there. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. The last thing you needed was for anyone to see you in a state like this. It was better to stop it as soon as it happened.

“Today we’ll talk about transference…”

The voice of your professor eventually became muffled as the ringing in your ears grew louder. The headache was getting harder to ignore and you felt cold, your hands trembling under the desk as your mouth felt like it had just dried up. The world seemed like it was spinning and fading into a blur, and you swore you could hear the boy next to you call out in concern, but you felt heavy like you were falling—

You collapsed to the ground with a loud thud, raising gasps all around you as the boy next to you froze for a moment. You traversed between the light and the dark, barely registering the voices speaking over your weary body.

“—you’re the strongest out of all of us, Yuji, carry her!”

“Shit, yeah, okay—”

“—her friends? Take her to the doctor.”

Your bottom lip quivered, your hands loosely gripping the front of his shirt as he carried you in his arms, swiftly making his way across the campus. Tears sprung to your eyes as you blubbered, latching on to him to help keep you grounded. Nothing else was registering in your mind, only the cold and tremors that got worse the more you cried.

As your sniffles quietened down, you heard a familiar voice—the doctor—talking about something with someone while you felt yourself sink into a soft surface. Queasiness held you in its grasp, left your stomach churning. It dragged you deeper and deeper, distracting you from the sharp prick in the back of your hand before you fell into nothingness.

—

The fluorescent white light was unkind to your vision as you slowly blinked awake.

You felt… strange. Like you were floating. Like you weren’t in your own body. You felt weary, incredibly so, that just forcing yourself to sit up felt impossible. The world was coming back to clarity the longer you kept your eyes open. You were no longer in the lecture hall but in a doctor’s office. Your seatmate must have carried you here, you thought. You parted your lips to speak, tried to call out for anyone, but your voice wouldn’t come out.

You fell back against the pillow, your eyelids fluttering closed again. It wasn’t until the door slid open did you finally feel more alert, bottom lip quivering the moment Dr. Geto stepped in. How could he still smile at you after what you’d done? After you broke his trust?

He took a seat next to the bed you were on. You whimpered out his name, blindly reaching for him with what energy left you could muster. You wanted to apologise, to try to explain yourself, but instead—

“You didn’t give me enough,” you whispered, the rest of your words dissolving into soft and incoherent whines. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do or how you were supposed to feel. Anger? Regret? Ironically, emotions seemed like the least of your worries when he was right next to you. You stared at him, your eyes glazing over with tears. “‘m sorry.”

You barely felt a warm hand clasped on top of yours as he sighed deeply, taking a glance at the heart monitor by his side.

“It was my mistake,” he said. You shook your head weakly, a quiet no leaving your lips. “I’ve failed you as your doctor.”

“No,” you repeated in what you hoped was a more assertive tone. It felt useless to wish for something like that. Maybe you should just stop thinking overall and let whatever this was play out on its own. You were so tired, but slumber was falling out of your hands and replaced by a burden upon your shoulders, guilt. “No, doctor…”

You wanted to tell him it was your fault. That this was just another lapse of memory, just like the last time and the time before that. There was a sense of fear clouding your mind, a flash of a warning that disappeared as fast as it came. You felt like there was something you should tell him or even ask him, but you couldn’t think of what it was.

“You’ll be alright now,” Dr. Geto reassured you. “How are you feeling?”

You couldn’t answer.

Just why were you nervous? There was nothing wrong here. He took care of you while you were unconscious, made sure you’d survive. You mumbled something under your breath, tears building up at the corners of your eyes the more you tried to speak. Bringing your hands up to your face, you shake your head again, this time allowing yourself to cry freely.

He softly shushed you, gingerly urging you to look at him. You let out a choked sob as he pried your hands off your face, saying your name in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

“You’re okay now,” he said, “Don’t cry.”

You weren’t sure how long he comforted you. All you could do was cry and cry until there was nothing left, until all your sobs became sniffles and exhaustion crawled into your bones, finding a home in your being. A rustle of fabric and you were being lifted in his arms, your head dropping as you drifted in and out of consciousness.

“I’m cold,” you exhaled shakily, nestling closer to him in an instinctive search for warmth and comfort. “I wanna go home.”

You couldn’t hear what he said as you succumbed to fatigue, further and further away until you came to again. You’re not in the clinic this time but in someone else’s room on a softer, warmer bed. The haze you’re trapped in overpowers the warning alarms in your head, replacing them with a sense of longing for the doctor who’s been taking care of you so well. Your wish is granted as the mattress dips with someone’s weight. Dr. Geto sits at the side, gently clasping his hand over your thigh as he says your name, soft as the wind.

“I don’t…” you trail off. What were you going to ask him? Were you just anxious that he was gone? “Something… Something’s wrong.”

“Are you still feeling sick?”

“I don’t know.”

You turn on your side, bringing your legs to your chest as you curl deeper into the blankets. You glance up at him. He’s not wearing his doctor’s coat anymore. Is he going somewhere?

He gently brushes stray hairs off your face before cupping the side of your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb. When did you start crying? You don’t know why you still feel so tired, or why you keep forgetting things the moment you think of them. But maybe you don’t have to know. Maybe you just need to trust him and just fall.

There isn’t any strength left in your system. Briefly, you’re reminded of how this is just like when you were in the emergency room years ago, alone and confused and helpless. Still, you force yourself up and crawl to him before resting your head on his lap. Like he’s in tune with you, his fingers card through your hair, comforting and familiar. You don’t think you’ve felt that in years.

You’re in a daze and you’re starting to enjoy how it felt. You don’t have to think anymore. Don’t have to worry, don’t have to feel afraid. Still, you can’t help but call for him again, as if you were worried he’d disappear if you stopped looking at him.

“Doctor…”

“Suguru.”

“Suguru,” you echo. Something feels wrong. He’s your doctor. This isn’t the hospital or the clinic. You should get up and run, get away as far as you can, but it feels so good to be held by him. Your mother used to do the same thing until you fell asleep and got lost in a dream. Dr. Geto—no, Suguru—is warm. He loves you. He cares for you.

You don’t want it to end.

“I can’t do this without you.”

You stare into space, completely missing his smirk as he coos in reply, voice sweet like honey, “I know. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise?”

He urges you to sit up properly before handing you two pills and a glass of water, comfortingly patting the top of your head when you take them from him. Your body moves on its own, far too used to this routine—take the pills, take a sip, swallow. Your limbs feel like jelly as you slump against him, resting your head on his chest. Strong arms wrap themselves around your frame and hold you close to a steady heartbeat.

Soft whines and whimpers leave your lips without you realising it. He’s so warm, a stark difference to how cold his office is, and the longer he holds you, the more you feel like you’re drifting away, sinking deeper, deeper…

“I do.”

And you let yourself fall into the ocean’s depths.

#trauma dumping but make it fashion #all #getou suguru x reader #suguru getou x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #cw drugs #cw drugging #cw hospital #cw overdose #cw kidnapping #cw dark content #from kiri's keyboard

[leafsbabe]

Andrei Svechnikov & Sebastian Aho & Teuvo Teräväinen - gentle love

cw: poly relationship (3 players dating gn!reader, relationships between players not specified but can be read as platonic or romantic), mentions of therapy, crying/“breaking down”, general mental health struggles (not further specified), some dissociation around time, food and eating (unrelated to mental health struggles), two mentions of a character accidentally burning himself while cooking … 1.7k words

Sometimes you could get so good at bottling up your feelings and suppressing emotions that everything felt fine. At least until you were sat in a therapy session —with the same therapist you’d been seeing for years— and they hit you, broke you, caused you to completely fall apart on an uncomfortable leather armchair.

Fuck, how you hated when that happened.

You were lucky, in a way, to break in a controlled environment. Your therapist let you cry it out and didn’t try to push the issue more or force you to talk about it. Not that you would have been able to, even if you had wanted to talk. They handed you tissues —single ones at first before just giving you the entire box— and let you go over your time for almost fifteen whole minutes with a simple “don’t worry about it” in a tone that told you she felt sorry for you. Hopefully sorry enough to let the overtime slide. That way your insurance wouldn’t complain over extra billed hours.

That didn’t mean you felt okay afterwards but at least that red hot ball of overwhelming emotion had shriveled into a heavy feeling in your stomach, leaving you numb but sick. You hated it, yet you couldn’t escape. Even though you were sitting in your car you couldn’t drive home. Not like this, with your hands body shaking and your vision going blurry from a combination of leftover tears and a post-cry headache.

While you could have sat there longer trying to calm down, there was nothing you wanted more than to go home. Calling your partners felt like admitting you were weak but fuck, nobody could be strong all the time and you were allowed to be vulnerable. Still, you were too shaken to call, fearing that they would hear the emotions in your voice. Instead you sent a message in your group chat asking if one of them could pick you up.

You were still in your car, hands gripping the steering wheel so hard your fingers hurt, when a familiar car pulled into the parking lot of your therapist’s office. It was hard to say who came for you. They had taken Andrei’s car but the Russian wouldn’t have taken the corner so carefully. Truthfully you only realized more than one of your boyfriends had come when Teuvo tapped on your window and you looked out to see him and Sebastian standing there. They were careful to look at you no differently than usual but you’d be lying if you said you couldn’t see the worry in their eyes. 

“Rough talk?” Teuvo asked as you got out, taking in your state. You could only nod in response. There was no point in pretending you were okay, not with them being able to see through you so clearly it made you feel like your entire being was made out of crystal. Fragile like it too, ironically.

“Come.” Teuvo put an arm around your shoulder, gently steering you towards the other car. “Sepe will drive your car home.”

The drive back to your place wasn’t too long without rush hour traffic but it still seemed to stretch into hours. Teuvo hadn’t turned on the radio and you didn’t know whether you were grateful for the lack of stimulation or annoyed at the lack of distraction. Then suddenly within the blink of an eye those hours turned into seconds and he pulled into the parking area of your building, your car somehow already parked in its usual spot but Sebastian nowhere to be seen.

Teuvo got out of the car and walked around it to open your door for you, a sweet gesture you suppose. Walking into the building you turned towards the stairs, your boys always complained about them but they tended to use them simply because they were quicker than the old elevator your landlord refused to upgrade. Today though, Teuvo steered you toward the elevator before pressing the button to your floor. The ride up was as silent as the car ride.

The entryway to your place was surprisingly empty as you toed off your shoes but you realized why once you walked in further. Your whole apartment smelled amazing, hearty and warm in the way only a good soup could. Muffled Russian cursing came from the direction of the kitchen so you didn’t have to guess who decided to play chef during your absence.

“He definitely touched the hot pot again.” Teuvo joked quietly while helping you out of your jacket. 

“Thank you.” Your voice was barely audible as you responded but he didn’t complain. Instead he steered you towards the living room where Sebastian already stood, holding up a soft blanket you liked to use.

The sight of him waiting for you made your heart ache in the best way. Your boys truly were so thoughtful. Walking to Sebastian you let yourself be wrapped into the blanket. The first touch of that dryer warm fabric against your skin almost brought tears to your eyes. Before you knew it you were sat on the couch, all wrapped up, while your boyfriends flitted around the apartment. There was a cup placed on the couch table, a coaster below it to catch any drips running down the ceramic and prevent them from leaving a print on the wood. Oh. 

Sebastian and Teuvo just awkwardly lingered around the room as Andrei walked in carrying a bowl of soup and placed it next to the cup. You could see the rosy spot on the back of his hand where he had burned himself while cooking but he pulled his hands away before you could react. He didn’t completely retreat like your other partners though. Instead he sat down next to you before pulling the table closer towards the couch. “Recipe from mama.” He said. “Makes bad days better.”

The realization of what was going on just made you tear up again. There was no way Andrei would have had enough time to cook after you had texted your boyfriends to pick you up. But if he didn’t make it from scratch following his mother’s recipe that could only mean one thing. He must have heated up some of the soup his mother had made for him the last time she visited. The soup that had been stashed away deep in the freezer for those days he felt especially homesick.

“Oh no. No. No. Don’t cry.” Andrei wrapped his arms around you gently, pulling you against his broad body. He continued to talk, something low and Russian you couldn’t understand, but you could suspect that it was something calming in his mother tongue. At least he didn't seem to mind you clutching at his hoodie and maybe crying into it a little.

The tears eventually stopped but you were still holding onto your boyfriend when your other boyfriends stopped hovering and instead came closer to the couch.

“Can we sit?” Sebastian asked, gesturing to the free space on either side of you and Andrei.

“Or would it be too much right now?” Teuvo added.

It was an age old conflict within you, wanting those you loved close for comfort while also needing as much space between you and others as possible. Today though, you needed them by your side more than anything. Making grabby hands at them felt slightly juvenile but you honestly didn’t care at the moment.

Theoretically all four of you should fit on the couch comfortably. It was big enough for your polycule as well as visitors in case your boys wanted to invite teammates over to play video games or hang out. But somehow you still ended up squished between the three of them.

You just let yourself enjoy their presence for a moment. Somebody began stroking your back through the blanket, soothing words in a foreign language filling the room.

“Can we…” You began, before stopping. They wouldn’t force you to talk but you still hated asking. Communication was important but you just couldn’t. “Can we not talk about it?”

A kiss was pressed against your hairline while somebody spoke, too soft to make out who. “Okay.”

By the time you gathered yourself enough to sit up and reach for the soup the hearty meal had cooled down, clinging onto the last remnants of warmth. It hadn’t lost any of the flavor though. You were well aware of the three pairs of eyes watching you eat but you just focused on the food in front of you.

Andrei didn’t fill the bowl up completely so it didn’t take you long to finish your soup. What Andrei had said was true —good soup, especially his mother’s soup, made bad days better— but your boys also helped immensely. 

When you were done you couldn’t even put the bowl down before they jumped up. 

“More?” Andrei asked at the same time that Teuvo asked “Done?”

Only Sebastian remained on the couch with you and you took the opportunity to snuggle closer.

“No thank you Andrei, that was more than enough. Thank you for sharing your soup with me.”

He smiled at you before Teuvo reached over and plucked the bowl from your hands, “Sit.” He told Andrei before walking away towards the kitchen. Behind you Sepe opened his arms and before you knew it you were sandwiched between the two men again.

By the time Teuvo came back the two guys had joined you under the blanket. Your oldest boyfriend just looked at you three before sighing and attempting to wrestle a corner from Sebastian so that he could join you as well. It was all in good fun but the chaos of it all —the tug of war about a blanket and the muffled Finnish curses—was enough to bring a smile to your face. 

The four of you were an odd relationship but you fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Even if your boys were incapable of sharing a blanket they shared love and that was far more important. There was an understanding between you that you had never experienced in a relationship before and that you never wanted to lose. 

Andrei noticed you smiling and wrapped his arms around you, using his body to shield yours from the play fight happening around you two. You just sighed —content— and leaned back against his broad chest, the smile not leaving your face. Some days were hard but with them by your side, you wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

#andrei svechnikov #sebastian aho #teuvo teravainen #teuvo teräväinen #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #nhl imagine #andrei svechnikov imagine #sebastian aho imagine #teuvo teravainen imagine #poly imagine #…so this is twenty-five

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

Warnings: fem! Reader, mentions of bullying, weight, blood, being punched and getting punched etc.

Request: Yes.

Words: 1,795

-Riddle Rosehearts-

•You dare to bully his s/o? Off with your head! No but literally. Riddle is hunting down the person who did this to you and giving them hell in every way possible that doesn't break the school rules.

•When he'd first gotten a call telling him you were in trouble due to punching someone in the nose, Riddle was seething. Perhaps a suitable punishment would be having you read and write down 400 out of the 810 rules of the queen of hearts. Hmm, yes that sounds excellent.

•His mood got even more sour when he entered the nurses room to see them bandaging your bloodied knuckles with you crying, blabbering about how they said you were fat and how you'd get in trouble with your boyfriend.

•“Who?” It was a simple demand from him for their names or their looks. How dare they hurt his rose. Riddle had grabbed Trey from his activities to sit with you while he tracked down these students to report them to the headmage.

•This red Bakugo had borderline threatened to have Cater post online how bad Crowley was as a principal if he didn't get these students kicked from the school.

•Lesson learned: Don't mess with Riddle's girlfriend.

•In the aftermath, Riddle will pamper you. He’ll make you some tea, make you some sweets (W/Trey’s help) and take care of your injuries himself. There's a lot of reassurance that leaves your usually hot-headed boyfriend's lips. On how perfect you look, or how cute you look despite his embarrassment of admitting it.

•He’s by your side until he makes sure your mental health is fine and your injuries have healed.

-Leona Kingscholar-

•Literally busts down your door asking if you beat their asses.

•Doesn't matter how you answer. He's sending off some henchmen of his to beat their asses a second time if you've already done so. No one messes with his Herbivor. He’ll make sure to visit them for a third beatdown in his own time.

•Leona doesn't go to the teachers in the school or to Crowley for help. This is between him and the assholes that decided to beat you up and harass you about your looks. He’s giving them hell, regardless of if you wanted him to or not.

•He doesn't pamper you as much as some of the other dorm leaders would. But if you want something he'll send Ruggie out to get it for you.

•Leona cuddles you more than he did before. Fuck school, you can get back onto your studies after your well rested and in a better state of mind. He's not going to let you go anywhere without him for a while.

•Congratulations, you've unlocked grumpy bodyguard Leona. You better make sure people don't look at you for too long at one time.

•If you have any leftover injuries from the fight, Leona is surprisingly good at tending to your wounds and patching you up. Of course, he's not the gentlest person, so don't complain to him if he's holding your tiny wrist a bit too hard while tending to you.

-Azul Ashengrotto-

•Have you ever heard of blackmail? Well, he has, and he knows how to do it at an expert level. Perhaps you should start feeling bad for your bullies.

•It certainly wasn't a fun matter to receive letters stating their name, house address, and their Parents and/or siblings names, including their biggest secret. It was a well written threat: Mess with (Name) and get outed.

•Of course Azul did turn to Idia’s hacking skills to find out where they lived. It was a fun little project for him. Especially for Floyd and Jade when they were sent out by him to deal with some “Funny business.” 

•Azul is also someone who reports these kids to Crowley and gets them kicked out of the school. He understands bullying all too well due to going through it himself and he’d be damned if he sat back and watched it happen.

•He creates a potion that's like a cream to help heal your injuries at an accelerating rate. Of course you need to do nothing in return for him for this cream, think of it as your loving boyfriend helping you get better. 

•If it makes you feel better about your looks or your weight, Azul will go out of his comfort zone and crack open the picture book of him as a child. Once again, he knows how this feels and he wants you to know you are not alone in this struggle.

•Azul definitely pampers you in his own way. He takes care of your homework, makes you food, and hell if you want to see his mer form he's all too happy to let you. For the week you're getting better, if you ask he'll lay off his work for you too for a bit.

-Kalim Al-Asim-

•Why’s his little sunflower crying? 

•Hands down, coddles you. Kalim is up your ass from the moment you walked into the room injured. His little feelings can’t take the fact someone would want to hurt his girl just because of weight or looks. He cries. Immediately.

•Kalim doesn’t hold you, you hold Kalim. It's Jamil that reports the bullies you punched while Kalim Hugs you half to death for the next three days. While he does try his best to wrap up and tend to your injuries it's also clear he doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

•In The end it's Jamil that's correctly tending  to your bloodied knuckles and the bruises and scratches on your body while Kalim grabs you some of the soup Jamil had cooked for dinner. After dinner Kalim presents you with desserts before diving head first into your chest to cuddle you.

•When hearing that Crowley wasn't going to kick out the students that bullied you, that's when things got serious. Kalim, with the help of another dorm head (Azul) Confronted the mage.

•It ended smoothly when they (Mostly Azul), had blackmailed the Headmage to the point where he had no other option but to expel the students. That or be outed on magicam about how horrible of a principal he was.

•Kalim throws a party for you at the end of it all. A “Congratulations on getting rid of your bullies party.” What a kicker.

-Vil Schoenheit-

•Someone hurt his little spuddling??

•Oh, This means war.

•Don't you worry, (Name), Rook will deal and dispose of those poor insignificant worms. Vil busies himself tending to your cuts and bruises, Blowing on the anti-peroxide he’d dripped onto the cuts to disinfect them.

•Ngl, Vil curses those peasants. Every day for the next three weeks they'll be waking up consistently throughout the night unable to get the slightest bit of rest. 

•Vil doesn’t pamper you as much as Kalim or Azul would but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pamper you. Vil gives you gentle massages and checks up on you in between classes, making sure they don’t mess with you again. He gives you lotion and creams, and he does face masks with you. 

•Obviously those bullies didn’t have any style, because to Vil you drip looks just as much as you seem to drip food crumbs everywhere you go. Though, he doesn’t mind the mess in the end, (As much as he seems to.)

•He also has Rook secretly trail after you when he’s not around, just in case something happens again. Vil likes to be in control of the situation.

-Idia Shroud-

•This man has a set of rules. And those rules are to avoid direct confrontation by all means necessary, and to stay cooped up in his room for as long as humanly possible. In none of those rules was Idia prepared to deal with bullies. Much less bullies that are bullying his s/o.

 •When you come into his room with Ortho following you in with bandages and neosporin, he was shocked. “(N-Name) What happened!?” 

•Bullies- Something he was eerily familiar with. Of course, he won’t be addressing them directly, though hacking their devices and uploading a virus is a wonderful option. A wonderful option he follows out with.

•Idia also leaves Crowley a… less than family friendly email, along with a video of the evidence of you being harassed and being hit first. Crowley can’t pin anything on you for punching your bullies- since yours was in self defense.

•Idia games with you sitting in his lap. While making sure you had plenty of snacks and drinks, he also made sure you were getting an adequate amount of sleep and your injuries were tended too before anything else. It would be inconvenient if the cuts were to get infected.

•He forces you to do online schooling in his room with him for the week while Crowley straightens out this issue.

•Idia is happy with the extra time you both get together, all while tending to you during it. Of course, that doesn't mean he’ll stop gaming for you either.

-Malleus Draconia-

•Those bullies dared to speak bad about his s/o? More so they Touched you? Ohhhh this does not fly with Malleus.

•He doesn’t understand how such imbeciles could even dare to look in your direction. They do know you're dating one of the five most powerful mages known in history, correct?  

•Lilia needed to stop him from murdering those scoundrels, so instead, Malleus has them arrested. Yep, you heard that correctly. They were arrested. Malleus simply heals your wounds with the snap of his fingers. 

•He treats you like a princess. You get what you want and exactly what you want the moment you want it. He pampers you like he's the king of pampering. Only him and Lilia get to tend to any wounds you have.

•If you want, he will have Lilia teach you some things about self defense.

•Please lay with him and give him some nice snuggles. He’ll bring out his tail and wrap the appendage around you while you cuddle up to each other. Doesn’t mind if you hold or feel up his horns either. He’s all yours for the taking.

•Malleus will prepare you a fancy bath with petals, wine and lit candles to help relax and soothe you. This man will do anything for you, even if that's running across the world for you.

•Malleus praises you to be brave enough to punch and fight back against your harassers every day. It's something he wants you to feel proud about and know that he’s proud of you for doing so as well.

#twisted wonderland #fem!reader #x reader #fluff #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #headcannons

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[hellfire--cult]

Baring Teeth {Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader} - Ch. 7

Picture for Banner: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Masterlist (Go here to see list of chapters.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU, Mechanic!Eddie

⚠️Warnings: Ab*se, Violence, Mental Health, Cursing, Smut (mild), treat it as a normal Enemies 2 Lovers book, but the A/B/O dynamic will appear at some point. Trauma, manipulation, dirty talk, omegaverse topics.

Crossposted on: Wattpad & AO3

A/N: I promise, we're entering the mature zone soon! Just gotta be patient with me ;) Remember, all reblogs are very much appreciated, as well as your comments!

Also! I am uploading a very short story about Stripper!Eddie and a very Shy reader ;) Here you go.

Anyways, Enjoy!

<- Prev. chapter - Next chapter ->

Chapter 7

“Please, please, give me a break, I can’t do this again, please!” You yelled while laying on the hospital’s bed, your upper body propped up with each foot hooked into some metal pedals in each corner of the bed to keep your legs spread.

The doctor pulled away, looking up from in between your legs with pity eyes and shook her head.

“We can’t stop the process sweetheart, a pause can cause an alteration and we’re already more than halfway there! I promise!” You were processing what she was saying, with tears streaming down your cheeks, your bottom lip busted open from biting onto it way too hard to control your cries. The pain was unbearable, feeling like you were being split open, your insides being ripped apart. 

But you wanted this. You both wanted this. Something is wrong with you, it has to be. There’s no other explanation for it, no matter if the doctors ran a bunch of tests on you and said everything should really be fine, you didn’t believe that. Something was not working, but you really wanted this. 

So you nodded for your doctor to proceed, and the pain worsened from there.

———————————————————————————

“Buckley!” You busted the bar doors open in a slam, red faced, completely pissed off, already strutting towards the all too well booth and there she was. Hiding behind Steve at the corner of the seat, and your glare was digging a bullet through her skull. Robin gulped and looked over Steve’s shoulder.

“H-Hi! I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“Sorry?! You left me to do Hargrove’s presentation all by myself! And now I find you drinking again after telling me you felt sick in your stomach today! What’s the fucking deal Robin!?” You were pissed, so much, you didn’t notice the man sitting across Robin while he took a sip of his beer.

“Shit, baby, I’m sorry– I just didn't feel like going into work today either, and now I feel better!” She tried to excuse herself but you shook your head at her, sitting inside the booth, right next to the man that was looking at you as if you were crazy because you still hadn’t noticed him, and now you were sitting next to him.

Your eyes were filled with rage, and also another feeling you didn’t want to feel with Robin. You were feeling used. As if she had taken advantage of you for this project, but you didn’t even have to punish her for it, because–

“Beer for She-Hulk.” You heard Jonathan talk, and he knew you too well, placing the cold beer right in front of your face. Whenever you were angry, you ordered beer instead of a sweet drink. You grabbed onto the bottle and took a large sip of it, Steve’s eyes frowning in worry as he looked back and forth to you and the man next to you.

“Um–” Robin began and you slammed your bottle on the table, giving a huge sigh. You looked down at the condensation of the bottle, and you knew you would have to deliver the news to Robin. So without looking up, you kept staring at the label of the beer.

“Mrs. Liana took you off our project.” And silence fell on the table. Robin was looking at you, completely perplexed as you kept looking down at the bottle. She knew she didn’t help you much with the project, but it still stung in her heart that she was ripped away from it.

“You didn’t stop her?” She asked you and you looked up at her with a frown on your eyebrows.

“What did you want me to say? All the beta presentations of the project were done by me because you didn’t know what to say Robs. No matter if I did a speech for you or not! And then, the final presentation and you didn’t show either!” You did try to help Robin be more into the project, knowing it was a big opportunity for the both of you, but she was busy with Vickie visiting, or going out with Steve, or ‘feeling sick’.

Robin was looking now at her own bottle of beer, feeling completely dejected. She knew she had it coming, her own negligence kicking her right back in the ass. She sighed and took a sip of her drink, giving you a nod.

“It’s fine. I deserve it. But it means more work for you then.” You wanted to yell at her, telling her that she didn’t really help, so it would really just remain the same for you. You took a deep breath in, calmed down, and gave Robin a nod.

“Yes. But it’s fine, I can handle it.” You shrugged and took another sip, a little bit calmer now. You were stressed because of this, because it meant all the meetings and getting together with clients will be thrown your way, but this was nothing. You liked the distraction.

“Hey, I’m sorry… I had my head stuck in useless stuff.” You shook your head at her and smiled sadly.

“Hey, at least you got a life. I only have my work, and a list of useless people that don’t know how to satisfy someone else’s needs.” You say, taking out a pack of flavored marlboro from your suit’s pocket. You were in the smoking section of the bar, and each booth had vents over their heads to keep the smoke out. You lit it up to take a large swig out of the stick, letting the smoke fill your lungs to then exhale out, feeling your muscles relax.

“Um…” You heard Steve call you out and you looked at him with a confused look on your face, but he wasn’t looking at you. You followed his gaze towards the person that was sitting next to you, and had been staring at you since you sat down.

Brown irises locked with your own eyes, and you felt a cold sweat invade you, but no anger came to your chest. You were far too stressed for this bullshit, so you sighed heavily and rested against the back of the booth, looking back towards the bottle. 

“Great.” You say, taking a sip of your drink while holding the smoke on your other hand. 

“I don’t know how you didn’t notice me.” Eddie asks you while taking another sip of his drink, his stomach was in a knot while sitting next to you, and he could sense your distress ever since you entered the bar. 

“You aren’t the center of the world Munson, or my world for that matter. Sorry to disappoint you.” You say bitterly and Eddie bit the inside of his bottom lip to contain the snarky remarks he wanted to say to you, but Steve shot him one glare with a shake of his head. Eddie let out a shaky, angry, breath and clenched his jaw tightly.

“About the other night–”

“Please don’t.” You immediately spat out through your teeth. You didn’t have the energy to deal with his half ass apology, and you weren’t in the mood of apologizing either. Eddie’s eyes perked up at your response and looked at you, his mood souring each minute it passed.

“I’m trying to be civil here, Peach.” He calls you out and you roll your eyes towards the ceiling, taking another swig of your cigarette, looking at him to blow the smoke into his face. He closed his eyes but didn’t flinch, his body heating up with anger as he opened them up to look at you again.

“Forget about it. You trying to be civil Munson is like a penguin learning to fucking fly.” And you heard Steve sigh heavily, rubbing his eyes with his hand while Robin stared at the interaction. Eddie scoffed, slamming the bottle on the table to look at you.

“What is your fucking problem? I am trying to apologize, and you can’t help but be an insufferable cunt.” 

“Look in the mirror Munson.” You took a large swig of the cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray. “Like I said, forget it. I don’t want half assed apologies you don’t really want to make, and we don’t have to act like we tolerate each other. Yeah?” You say, blowing the smoke out of your lips as you talked. The panging on your chest was due to realizing you were sitting next to your mortal enemy, but it increased knowing he wanted to lie to you.

An apology? From him? Yeah, right.

“What the hell are you even smoking?” He asked, grabbing the pack in front of you to inspect it. “Does this really say Melon flavored? Jesus christ.” He dropped the pack back in front of you to take a sip of his own beer. You were about to retort to him, tell him he can shove his original flavored camels right up his ass, but your phone started to ring. 

You pulled it out, the tune of Harry Potter filling the air as you looked at the caller ID. You didn’t recognize the number, so it might be from your work. You sighed. You didn’t expect to have these kinds of calls right after your final presentation. You believed this would happen after meeting with a few clients, giving them your contact for future conversations. You slid the green button and put the phone in your ear.

“Hello?” You greet, taking a sip of your beer.

“Hi there Mousy.”

You spat it all over Steve and the table before you. Coughing wildly as you patted your chest to regain your breathing. Steve had stood up with a yell, trying to wipe his face and clothes as Robin let out a wild laugh, pointing at the stains on his shirt. Eddie was just bewildered at the interaction, but couldn’t help but hold in strangled chuckles in his throat.

“Shit!” You yell, grabbing onto a napkin to wipe away your mouth and hand Steve some more as he glared at you. 

“Damn, did I call at a bad time?” You heard him chuckle on the other side, and you felt nerves and warmth invade your whole body. He sounded way too good on the phone, Jesus christ. 

“I– wait–” You stood up, motioning for Robin to keep an eye on your stuff and she nodded at you while holding her giggles in, trying to fix Steve’s hair. The brown haired guy was still glaring at you as you made motion with your hand as a sorry. You stepped away from the booth, walking outside of the bar to talk a little bit more privately. “Sorry, I’m at a bar with friends and could barely hear you.”

“Ah, so I did call at a bad time.” He says, and you could even hear the smile on his face as he did, because he wasn’t going to hang up. You bit your bottom lip, holding back a smile as you scratched your cheek nervously. 

“How did you get my number?” You ask him and you hear some clinking on the other side, and then a gulp. You licked your lips at the sound and you cursed at the sky for how needy you were being that the sound of ‘gulping’ was making you horny.

“Well, my agent told me you are my editor in chief for that article, so of course I asked for your number so we could stay in touch, you know… just in case.” He was smirking against the phone and you know it. “I never call other people that aren’t acquaintances on my personal phone… But I can make an exception for you, Mousy.”

Oh, he was smooth. He was telling you he was calling you from his personal phone instead of the work related one. Meaning that the only person with access to this phone, was him only, and not his agent. You gripped onto the phone tightly against your ear and you let out a small giggle.

“Is that supposed to impress me Mr. Hargrove? Remember, we work together now.” You explain to him and you hear him laugh on the other side.

“Alright, humor me then, Mousy. When’s the next meeting happening?” You scrunched up your nose in thought and counted the days in your head.

“I believe is next wednesday Mr. Hargrove. Curtis Delore was very interested in your Balenciaga design.” You explain to him and you hear him whistle on the other side. 

“Delore, huh. But Wednesday? Don’t you think it’s a little far away?” Oh, things are turning interesting now. You licked the inside of your right cheek, feeling your stomach fill with butterflies at the attention this man was giving you.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought I could meet with you tomorrow. Discuss my work, and what we should say to the clients, just so all of our stories match.” Your breath was knocked out of your lungs. He was asking you out, this model was asking you out, on a saturday.

“Oh, we can definitely do that.”

“Great–” 

“On monday, at my office.” You reply to him, and on the other side of the phone, Billy Hargrove was stunned. He was rejected. Holy fuck, he was rejected. He should be angry, hang up, because no one belittled him like that. No one.

Yet, you… for whatever reason it is, he couldn’t help it. He was adoring this game of cat and mouse, which he never did, much less for someone like yourself. It’s not that you weren’t beautiful, but he always went for people of his same radius. Meaning actresses, models, singers. Famous people. 

None of the relationships Billy had lasted more than two months. The relationships were empty, filled with sex and empty conversations, fake interviews, fake scenarios his agent made him make up and talk about them in a talk show. He never had to flirt more than one night, much less go through the hustle of almost begging for someone’s number. But you were like a drug to him right now, and he wanted more, desired more. 

“Ah, so the game is still on, very well.” Your heart was on your throat, and you were about to say goodbye to him but suddenly his voice deepened in your ear and you almost dropped your device to the floor. “Mousy, one of these days you are going to come to me, on your own accord… And I’ll show you just how good I can make you feel.”

Your breathing became heavy as you clenched your legs together. Heat was rushing from your core, going all over your body at his words. You wanted to take it all back, tell him you’ll meet tomorrow, because the tension was too strong right now, and you could barely handle it. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to satisfy yourself tonight, or the day after now. There was no way.

“I–”

“Goodbye Mousy. See you on monday.” And like that, you heard the line click. Your mouth was open, staring at nothing, slowly blinking as you felt the air leaving your mouth but not feeling it really filling up your lungs. After two seconds of processing what happened, you smiled and squealed loudly, doing a little jump in your place as you tightened the phone to your chest.

You were sure he would believe you were rejecting him there, and to be honest, you were unsure if that would have been the right decision to do when he was kind of your employer in this article. But it’s temporary, literally month temporary, so you two wouldn’t be working together for long. You couldn’t help the smile on your face, walking back into the bar and sitting in the booth again, not caring any longer of who was sitting next to you.

“I’m sorry Steve.” You said with a wince as you saw how badly he was glaring at you, your smile dropping immediately at his state. His hair was pushed back, with the wet stains all over his polo shirt.

“Who called for you to react like that?” Steve asked with a sneer as Robin kept wiping his hair away with a tissue, grimacing at the smell of beer in his hair.

“Oh, that was–” And you froze. This wasn’t a hook up from the dating app, nor a stranger you see on the street. He might not even want this to be public, this teasing of yours, or this friendship, or whatever it is. Not even to your own friends. You felt your chest press on you and gulped, giving him a soft smile. “My mom.”

“So you jump like a high school girl when your mom calls you? You must love her very much.” Eddie said next to you, with venom in his tone now. You winced under your breath but kept the smile on your face as you turned to look at him.

“That I do.” You saw his jaw clench and unclench and he was fighting with everything in him to not call you out. But he had to calm down, breathing deeply and giving you a nod, turning to look at Robin. He knows that it wasn’t your fault that she was pushed aside from that project, and he knew you were feeling bad about it. He noticed it when your bottom lip quivered when you said she wasn’t going to participate in it anymore.

But now, you were lying again. So he took a big sip out of his beer, taking it all in one go. He raised his hand up to Jonathan to ask for another one, and when he came to the table, everyone ordered another set of beers, except for you.

“A Strawberry Daiquiri.” You said to Jonathan and he raised his eyebrows up at you with a confused look on his face.

“Not angry anymore? Sitting next to Munson? Really?” Robin was squinting while staring at you, wondering what was going on, but she knew you would tell her sooner or later. Right? You were looking at your phone, saving the newest contact on your list.

‘B. H.’

“Yeah, I’m in a better mood now.”

End of chapter 7

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[harley-sunday]

Feels Like Home [04]

Summary: When an unexpected three-week break between Monza and Singapore finds Daniel back on his farm in Perth he’s desperate to use this time to clear his mind, figure out his future in Formula One, and find his way back. He didn’t expect a new neighbour, a sassy two-year old, and three alpacas would make him realise that sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in front of you.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 3.1k

AN: Another update? Yes. My bestie needs some cheering up today, so eL, babe, this one’s for you! ♥

Masterlist

“Dan?”

“Daniel?”

“Oi. Mate?”

“Fine, be a cunt and pretend not to hear me.” 

Before Daniel has a chance to respond he’s hit in the back of his head with one of the juggling balls they used during one of their earlier exercises, “You absolute cunt.” Daniel turns around and raises his eyebrows at Michael, “The fuck did you do that for?”

“You weren’t listening,” Michael says with a shrug as if that explains the assault. And fine, maybe it does.

“I was a little distracted,” Daniel offers, rubbing the back of his head, thinking of feigning a concussion to get out of the remainder of his training session. 

“You were off on another planet, mate,” Michael counters with a shake of his head. “What the hell is going on?”

He doesn’t like to lie to his best friend but he doesn’t want to tell him the real reason he’s distracted either, because if Michael finds out Daniel’s nervous about his dinner plans tomorrow he’ll never let him hear the end of it and Daniel’s not sure he’s up for that right now, and so he simply says, “I just hate that I still don’t know where I’m going to be next year, Mikey.”

Michael eyes him suspiciously, and for a moment Daniel’s worried he’ll get called out but then Michael does that thing he always does when he knows Daniel will tell him the truth eventually and says, “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to be distracted?”

“Whatever’s going to make you cut this workout short, mate,” Daniel counters with a cheeky grin.

Michael exaggerates a sigh and gives Daniel one of his death stares, “No.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to watch out for my mental health too?” Daniel knows he’s pushing but Michael can take it. Or at least should be used to it by now. “I’m obviously in distress. And this workout ain’t helping.” 

“That just earned you twenty push ups, mate,” Michael says with a wicked grin.

“You cunt,” Daniel whispers under his breath, using his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face because he’s still not fully recovered from the burpees Michael had him doing earlier. 

“You want to cut this workout short-”

“Fuck yes.”

“-then tell me what’s really going on.” Michael looks at him with his arms crossed in front of his chest and that self-satisfied smile of his, because he knows whatever Daniel does - tell him the truth or finish the workout - it’s a win for Michael.

Daniel scoffs and shakes his head, because he’d rather do five more hours of bootcamp than tell Michael about her. He drops to his knees before he gets into position for his first pushup, “Twenty, you said?”

“I think I said thirty, mate,” Michael grins, squatting down in front of Daniel and throwing him a wink, “with a thirty-second plank after each tenth pushup.” 

“I hate you.”

“Not enough to tell me the truth, apparently,” Michael counters. “So I’d say we’re still good.”

***

“Ok, so my number is on the pad next to the phone-”

“I have your number in my phone, why does she need your number?”

“-so if anything happens,” you continue, effectively ignoring your granddad, “just call, ok?”

“Will do,” Abby, Mrs Mackenzie’s sixteen-year old granddaughter, nods. Mrs Mackenzie was supposed to come over to watch Ellie and Granddad but she’s still not feeling too well and so she suggested you ask her granddaughter instead. 

Daniel steps in then and hands Abby a twenty dollar note, “Here’s the down payment for tonight, Abigail. I’ll pay you the rest when we get back, ok? Wanna make sure you don’t burn down the house first-”

“Daniel-” You  sigh and look at Abby, “Ignore him. I’m sure you’ll do fine.” 

“What about my Lando autograph?” Abby counters with one eyebrow raised, looking at Daniel thoroughly unimpressed, the way only teenagers seem to be able to do. 

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you and turn to Daniel, “Yeah. What about her Lando autograph?” 

Daniel looks at you as if you’re siding with the enemy but then pulls up his phone anyway, fingers flying over the screen as he types a message, “Yeah, yeah, I promise to get you that as soon as possible, ok?” He waves his phone around as if to prove to Abigail he’s working on it, “It’s not like I have a bunch of his autographed driver cards lying around somewhere.”

“A cap.”

“What?” Daniel looks up from his screen. 

“I would like an autographed cap,” Abby replies. Then, because she isn’t stupid, “Please?”

Daniel stares at her for a second but seems to realise that if he denies her request there’s not even going to be a date tonight and so he gives in with a resigned, “Fine.”

“Fine,” Abigail echoes. Her smile reappears then, “Thank you so much, Mr Ricciardo.”

“Ouch,” you whisper under your breath, trying your hardest not to laugh even though you give Abby a wink.

Daniel looks too stunned to speak and keeps shaking his head in disbelief.

“Come on,” you gently push him in the direction of the front door, “let’s go.” You turn towards your Granddad then, who’s in his chair, watching the evening news, “Try to behave? Let Abby watch some TV once the news is finished, ok?” 

Granddad huffs but then says something that sounds like, “You kids have fun,” and really, that’s a win as far as you’re concerned. You follow Daniel outside and can’t help but gasp when you see his car, “Oh Jesus.”

“What?”

“That seems awfully fancy,” you say while you admire the Porsche that looks completely out of place here on the farm.

“It’s sort of a date,” he counters with a grin and a shrug. “Of course it’s going to be fancy.”

A warm feeling spreads inside of you when you hear him say the word ‘date’ and if you weren’t feeling like a nervous schoolgirl before, spending way too much time on picking an outfit and doing your hair and makeup, you sure feel like one now and so you quickly try to compose yourself, “It looks beautiful.”

“Just like you.” 

“Oh, very smooth Ricciardo,” you shake your head, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks because you were never good at taking compliments.

“What? It’s true. You look absolutely gorgeous,” he says as he opens the door for you. 

“Thank you,” you tell him, accepting the compliment. You sit down, admiring the interior as Daniel rounds the car and gets inside.

“You ready?”

“Ready,” you reply with a smile that grows even wider when the car purrs to life and he accelerates down the driveway.

***

Daniel hasn’t told her where they’re going, wanting to keep it a surprise, and so when he stops at the gate to Darlington Estate about thirty minutes later she looks at him in disbelief and Daniel can’t help but smile at her. 

“How- This is impossible to get into,” she says, shaking her head. “They have a waitlist that’s at least-”

“It helps when you know the owner,” he replies with a shrug, as if it’s no big deal. Except it was, because even though he does know the owner it took him quite some pleading and a promise of two VIP tickets to the Melbourne Grand Prix next year to get them a table for tonight. 

When he pulls up in front of the entrance not much later he gets out and hands his keys to the valet, before he walks over to her side and opens the door, offering his hand to help her out of the car. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, not letting go once she’s outside.

Daniel feels- There’s a fleeting thought that he can just about grasp before it disappears again, something about how if something as simple as holding her hand already feels this good, he can’t wait to find out what it will feel like when he finally gets to kiss her.  

Inside they’re greeted by the Maître D’ who leads them to a private table in the back of the restaurant and when they sit down she looks around in wonder, “It’s beautiful here.”

He’s only got eyes for her though and so he hums in reply. Part of him wants to get to date over with, wants to take her home and see where the night takes them. The other part wants to stay in this moment forever. Before he has time to figure out what that means the waiter comes over and hands them their menus and he busies himself with that instead. 

Once they’ve made their choice and the waiter comes by with a glass of white wine for her and water for him - he’s still in the middle of a season after all - his phone buzzes to let him know he’s got a new notification and the only reason he checks it is because she’s busy talking to the waiter about their wine selection. He can feel his eyes widen when he sees it’s a iCal invite from Blake for a meeting with Christian next Wednesday 

“Everything ok?”

She sounds worried and so he quickly looks up at her and tries his best reassuring smile when he sees she’s biting her lip in anticipation, “Yeah, I uh-” he shakes his head, “I just got an invitation to a meeting that I’ve sort of been waiting for.” He hates not telling her the entire truth, but the waiter’s still hanging around their table and Daniel’s been sufficiently media trained that he knows strangers are not to be trusted. 

The waiter seems to take this as his cue to leave though and so Daniel leans forward, because he feels, especially after the way she was so honest and open with him about Ellie’s dad, he owes her one. Just to be sure he leans in and keeps his voice low, “It’s a meeting with Red Bull.”

He doesn’t know how much she knows about Formula One, doesn’t know if she cares about his career or the sport in general but then he sees her eyebrows knit together and she whispers back, “That’s your old team, isn’t it?”

“Yep.”

She does that thing then, that she sometimes does with Ellie as well, where she gives him two options, to make it easier for her to understand his thoughts, “And is this a good or a bad thing?”

He thinks about it for a while, thinks about the meeting he had with Christian and Helmut after the Dutch Grand Prix, where, when Christin had first mentioned the option of becoming third driver, it had felt more like a curse than a blessing to him. Now though, he’s not so sure. 

He loves being a Formula One driver, really he does. Driving his car out on track is the best feeling in the world. Travelling the world and getting to see all these amazing places is a privilege he’s very aware only a few people get to have. And yet it still feels as if there’s something missing. He first noticed at Renault, when the team didn’t give him the car they promised him they would, but back then he ignored it and put it down to changing teams. When it only got worse at McLaren he thought maybe it wasn’t the sport that betrayed him. Maybe he betrayed himself.

Ever since the summer break there’s been a little voice in the back of his mind that tells him maybe it’s ok if he doesn’t get a seat in Formula One next year, maybe what he needs is some time away from it all, maybe that will help him find what he’s been looking for over the past four years, maybe what he’s been looking for has been right in front of him since-

“Daniel?”

Her voice interrupts his thoughts and when he finds her smiling at him with that kind smile she usually only reserves for Ellie he knows he zoned out for a minute. He shakes his head, “Sorry. I just-” 

She seems to know something is bothering him because she leans forward and puts her hand on his arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He hasn’t really spoken to anyone about this, Michael and Blake think they’re still fighting for a seat, heck, even his parents think he’ll do whatever it takes to stay in the sport next year but somehow he finds himself nodding, “Yeah. I think I do.” 

***

All throughout the starter and the main course he talks and you listen and when he tells you about his time at Renault and McLaren your heart aches for him when you hear how the sport he used to love so deeply has taken so much from him. 

“So yeah,” Daniel says as he fiddles with the salt shaker, both your plates now sitting empty between you, “a second meeting with Christian sounds pretty good.” He lets out a shaky laugh then, “Unless he’s going to tell me he wants to retract his offer. That would suck.” 

“Daniel-”

“It’s ok,” he quickly reassures you, his smile genuine this time and waving his hand around. “I’ve known Christian for a while now, if he didn’t want this to go through he would have called already, not set up another meeting.” He lets out a heavy sigh then, “I just- It feels like I’m about to settle. But it also feels like this might be a good thing, you know? I don’t know. I wish I had a clear answer.” 

He hasn’t asked for your advice and even if he had you wouldn’t have told him what you think he should do. It doesn’t matter. It’s his choice. And part of you already think he’s made up his mind and so you tell him, “Listen to your heart. I think you’ll find the answer right there.”

***

Daniel smiles and looks down at where he’s turning the salt shaker between his hands, “Yeah.” 

She’s right, of course she is, because he knows what he wants to do. 

He wants to go home. 

***

When the waiter comes by to ask if he can get them anything else, both of you shake your head and Daniel asks for the check instead. You watch as he pays, tipping generously, and when he gets up and holds out his hand for you to take you do so without hesitating. 

It’s raining when you get outside, the wind having picked up a lot since this afternoon, the promise of a late winter storm hanging heavy in the air, and so you rush to the car, you with your purse over your head and Daniel pulling you from left to right as he tries to avoid the puddles that are scattered across the road. Your giggles and Daniel’s laugh filling the air around you long after you make it inside the car. 

The drive back is quiet but never uncomfortably so, Daniel quietly singing along to the songs on the radio and you staring at the raindrops that slide down the window, tracing their path with your eyes and sometimes your finger. You’re a little lost in thoughts, wondering how things will go from here, wondering what it is you and Daniel are. Friends, for sure, but is this turning into something more even a possibility? He leaves for Singapore on Tuesday and he’ll be gone for almost two more months after that, so would this even work? Does he even like you like that? Do you even like him that way? 

You don't want to dive into this head first, after all you've got Ellie to worry about. Ellie, who seems to be as smitten with Daniel as you are. Who you’ve never seen trust someone so wholeheartedly right from the get go. You’re not sure if she’s old enough to remember Daniel if- You shake your head, not wanting to get ahead of things. If anything you like to see where this goes, not just now but also after, when he comes back once the season is over. You just hope Daniel feels the same way. 

All too soon Daniel turns onto your driveway and when he pulls up to the house not much later he immediately turns the engine off, a hesitant smile when he looks at you, “Don’t want to wake Ellie up.”

You smile at him, your heart about to burst out of your chest with how, even now, he thinks of Ellie, "Thank you."

"So uhm," Daniel starts, turning towards you in his seat. "My parents are hosting a barbecue on Sunday, 'cause it's the last time I'll be home for a while, you know? Anyway, I was wondering-" he looks away and fiddles with his keys before he clears his throat, "I was wondering if maybe you and Ellie would like to come. And Oscar, if he's up for it. I know it’s super short notice so-"

"Daniel," you start, not sure what you want to say next.

"It's only a few people," he quickly adds. "My sister and her husband and kids, Blake, Michael- It's just-" he smiles and shrugs, "I told my mom about helping out here and she really would like to meet you." Daniel looks at you expectantly, "It starts at noon, so you would be back in time to take care of the girls. And it won't be too late of a bedtime for Ellie either."

You can't help but smile, endeared by the way he seems to have thought of everything. And even though the idea of meeting his family seems a little daunting, you try to tell yourself that maybe it's only fair if you do - after all, he's already met the most important person in your life as well - and so you nod, "I'd like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you agree easily enough. "Text me the address and we'll be there." 

"Mint," Daniel replies with a grin. 

"I should probably head inside," you nod towards the house. "I told Abby we'd be back before midnight." You wait for him to do something, thinking maybe he would take the lead and kiss you, but when he doesn't move you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek instead, "Thank you for tonight, Daniel. I had a great time."

"So did I." He taps the steering wheel a few times before he looks back at you, "We should do this again sometime."

The promise of another date unleashes a herd of butterflies into your stomach but you try to play it cool, "We should." You unbuckle your seatbelt then and step outside, leaning back in as he starts the car, "See you tomorrow?"

"Yes, ma'am," he says, tipping his imaginary hat. "At your service."

You laugh, "Bye." 

***

Fuck. He should have just kissed her.

***

You watch as he drives away and let out a heavy sigh, quietly berating yourself for not kissing him.

#Daniel Ricciardo #F1 Fanfic #Daniel Ricciardo x reader #F1 imagine #DR3 #Harley Sunday x Daniel Ricciardo #Feels Like Home

[yellowbunnydreams]

The Blood Runs Thicker (part 15) ~vampire!William Afton x F! Reader~

~Sorry this has taken so long to come out! I've been on a mental health break and had assignments due and things. I've also meme'd the old man and I'm not entirely sorry for it.~

Tag-List; @ruh--roh-raggy @randymeeksisafinalgirl @sleepy---head @robin-the-enby @hungrhay @likoplays @slxsher-whxre @nicolezghostz @spiderlilytengu @yondus-girl @puppetstr1ings

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Want more or something different? *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

CW:Minors DNI, (18+ ONLY), Female Reader, legal age gap (Reader- 20's, William - ??), graphic acts of violence, biting, knife-play, blood, blood-drinking/licking, mention of dead children, anaemia. Mentions of torture. Drama/Angst. Possessive behaviour.

You weren't sure what time it was when you woke up, feeling stiff and sore and like you'd been hit and then backed over by an SUV. Groaning as you shivered under the thin motel sheet, turning onto your side with your eyes still closed before they snapped open and you remembered that William had been on top of you when you fell asleep. Sitting up and holding the sheet to you, swallowing softly as you looked around and heart beginning to beat a little faster as you stood up to look out of the window to see if the car was still there.

It wasn't.

You swore, scrambling to find any form of clothing as the thought raced in your mind that you had been left in a bloodied hotel room where the receptionist went missing and the last call was logged to your room. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together and naturally point the finger at yourself.

Tripping over a table leg in your haste, you grabbed onto the top and hissed as the thin sheet offered little protection around your body and was most definitely a contributing trip hazard, although despite your best efforts to stop and defy gravity's grip on you, your head meets the worn out motel floor with a 'thunk' that rattled about what was functional of your panicked brain. Groaning as you lifted your head and wrapped the sheet more tightly around you, feeling the front of your face warm and wet as you tentatively reached up a hand and it came away red. Swearing at yourself under your breath as you tried to gather yourself up off the floor and hearing the door rattling in the frame.

Had it even been seconds since you hit the floor? You felt fine apart from the pain in your face and your pride. Sat on the floor like a pathetic wet cat, wrapped in a bloodied sheet as William opened the door with his shoulder. Dressed in a baggy dress-shirt and some slacks, he looked almost like a counsellor at the careers office you had gone, and then you remembered that that was exactly what he was before you had gotten dragged into the whole messy affair that was the Afton family and Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.

He dropped the bag that he was carrying, rushing over to you and kneeling besides you as his large calloused hands gripped your face and inspected you for damage. You wondered where he'd gotten another pair of those glasses from, since you didn't remember them at all the day before. His thumb stroked over your cupids bow as his brow furrowed and his lip curled up into his customary snarl.

"What happened? Did somebody come in? I'll fucking kill them if somebody-" You blinked at the surprisingly possessive and protective tone to his voice, quickly shaking your head and gesturing to the slightly disrupted table.

"I-I tripped, William. Calm down, I'll be okay." Shrugging slightly and trying to calm your pounding heart from the adrenaline you had experienced at seeing the car gone from outside. Looking into his steely eyes and trying to offer him a reassuring smile.

"And why the fuck weren't you looking where you were going? Bunny you need to be careful, you're probably a bit worn down from yesterday and all the shit that came with it." He said, frowning as he easily picked up on your racing heart, seeing the concern in your eyes even as you tried to hide it.

"I..." You trailed off, looking at his intensity and unsure whether the predator before you even cared to know why you were panicked. Would he care? Understand? You didn't even realise as hot tears pricked at your eyes and caught him off guard once again. William Afton was not used to being a man who had tears shed over him, rather the tears were for his victims and their families. "I thought you were gone."

"Gone?"

"T-The car wasn't t-there and I...I was rushing to t-try and...and find you c-cause I thought...." The words were hard to push out, hiccupping as William's expression softened for once, carrying something behind his grey eyes that you might have construed on any other person as care. He wrapped his arms around you, strong and warm, reassuring as his large hands rested on your back and the back of your head, cradling you against him. His nose pressed to your head and breathing in deeply.

You smelt like blood, iron and sex and panic. Things William adored usually, but it smelt wrong in that moment. He wished he had the chance to smell you like you had appeared to him for the first time. Vanilla and fruits, something sweet about the products you used and even down to your barest being. He wanted you to smell like him from the night before. Not faintly like gasoline and agony.

"Stupid bunny, you thought I'd fuck you and leave you all alone?" He asked, cooing into your head as he felt you shrug in his grip. Sighing softly as his grip only tightened at your confirmation.

"I'm a fucking monster, but even I wouldn't do that. Plus, I hate leaving debts unpaid and you certainly are owed a substantial once since you saved my life. I ran to the store to get you some things since I noticed you had nothing packed for yourself." He explained, kissing the top of your head and allowing himself to hold you a moment longer before pulling back and giving you that usual curled lip snarl that made your own mouth curl into a smile now. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, blood-bag."

His calloused demeanour made you smile, and you nodded, wiping at your eyes with the heel of your palm before William scooped you up from the floor. Muttering under his breath as he kicked the door closed and carried you back over to the bed, placing you down on it before he grabbed the bag and opened it. Pulling out a couple items of clothing and placing them on the bed next to you, looking between you and them for a moment before nodding with himself satisfactorily.

Your eyes wandered over his choices and raised an eyebrow as he held up the first item for your inspection, blush warming your cheeks as you snatched the underwear from his hands and watched the feral but charming grin he gave you as you stripped in front of him and you could feel his appraisal as he scanned your body.

"Oh that is a view I'll never tire of....especially with you all marked up, bunny."

Your cheeks warmed up more, and you shook your head as you pulled on the jeans which were a little large on your frame and there was a soft beige turtle-neck sweater which you were honestly surprised that William managed to get ahold of considering the time of year, but you dutifully pulled it on anyway, rolling the baggy sleeves up to your elbows and sighing as you already felt warm.

"I wonder who's fault that is?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at the older man as he scanned you quickly before giving an approving nod. Pulling more clothes out of the bag and stripping off his shirt to reveal his broad, scarred and coarsely haired chest. The warmth flushing through you as you averted your eyes and his low chuckle made it all the worse.

"Now you're embarrassed to see me shirtless? After all the things we did together last night? I would be hurt if my cold, dead heart could hurt." Cocking his head and flashing a wicked grin as he pulled on a new plaid shirt then a sweater over the top, combined with his jeans and sensible shoes, he looked like a dad, or perhaps that one counsellor who didn't mind that you needed a hug when you cried your eyes out.

"Well I do believe it was technically only very select parts of you I saw."

"Hm... I suppose, but don't worry blood-bag, you'll get more chances to look." You could hear the smirk in his voice and rolled your eyes, shaking your head before pulling on the worn out shoes you'd previously worn to the pizzeria. Still coated in blood and gasoline. William wrapped his arm around your shoulders and nuzzled into your shoulder for a moment, inhaling deeply before giving a little squeeze and heading to the mini-fridge, pulling out the blood-bags that had been left in there and keeping one in his hand as he gestured towards the door. "We should get going though, as tempting as you are."

"Go where, William? Elizabeth and Mike will be crawling all over Hurricane to make sure you're gone." Crossing your arms and pouting as you walked out to the car, watching William locking the motel door and chucking the keys somewhere into the wooded area nearby, the same place that there was a freshly dead body disposed of.

"You'll see. Just get in the fucking car."

Piling dutifully into the car, you watched as William grumbled adjusting the seats properly again. Making sure that it was properly adjusted back to him as the smell of a spiced air freshener almost coated the scent of bleach. Glancing into the backseat to see the the leather cleaned up better than you could have attempted. But you guessed that William had had plenty of practise cleaning up things like blood over the time he had been alive. Not that you were sure how long that was.

The radio had been turned on, William fiddling with the dial to tune it and pausing only for a moment on a radio station as you pulled onto the highway, listening as the announcer spoke in those chipper, but somehow sombre tones.

"And in local news, a once beloved establishment was burnt down. Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, a now defunct children's entertainment restaurant that was subject to a series of-"

William changed the station quickly as his shoulders tensed up. Something in his expression softened, and you realised that it wasn't his usual expression of annoyance, but rather a touch of sadness. Freddy's had clearly meant something to him.

Most of the ride was silent. And it was only around mid-afternoon that William pulled into a mall parking lot that was entirely unfamiliar to you. Putting on some sunglasses from the glovebox and swapping them with his regular gold aviators as the Utah sunshine continued to beat down on everything and make it unseasonably warm.

"Does the light bother you?" The first words you'd spoken since you started driving to...somewhere. You weren't sure where you were going still, but William seemed to know at least. Watching the vampire turning his head and look at you from behind the dark plastic, watching his brows turn in and a frown form before he looked back out at the mall parking lot.

"It does at the moment, I'm still healing up Bunny. Bright sunshine gives most vampires a headache I've found." He finally answered after a moment, his large hand continuing to rest on the steering wheel as he kept his stern expression, fingers tapping like he was waiting for something.

"You've met others?"

"A long story for another time. And, I must have met one before, wouldn't I, dumb bunny." Gesturing to his extra canines and how sharp they looked at he flashed you a wicked grin before settling into a grim expression again. "Anyway, we're stopping for you. You need to stretch, keep up the circulation in your legs. Get some food, do whatever you living things still need to do."

"Has it really been that long since you were alive?" You asked incredulously, trying to imagine how old William must be to forget what it was to be alive. The vampire sat with a stern and serious expression. But you caught the slight slip of the corner of his mouth and you smacked his arm, making him chuckle and tut dissaprovingly.

"Asshole! I thought you were ancient or something!"

"Dumb bunny, I AM ancient compared to you." He smirked, making you frown and cross your arms, eyebrows raised sceptically, earning another chuckle from him.

"Okay, so how old are you?"

"That is a very personal question young lady. But I was made as I am around....1987?" He thought for a moment before nodding, chewing his lip for a moment and running his free hand over his beard briefly, scratching subtly at the still healing skin underneath.

"How old were you?"

"About thirty? You kinda stop counting after twenty-three I find."

"So what...You're old enough to be somebody's grandpa?That's...honestly I had images of you in like Victorian gear." William snorted at the statement and began to laugh, that deep rumbling laugh that made your chest tighten and a smile light up on your face that you made the not-so-old being laugh so much.

"Good God no, fuck that! I did know a guy from that time, but we are creatures of habit. Luckily, 'steampunk' and goth fashion allowed him some leeway." Shaking his head, William opened the car door and stepped out into the oppressive heat, you following suit shortly. Making sure your sleeves were rolled up properly.

"Do you think of yourself as...however old?"

"Anybody asks, I'm in my fifties. I can mention I had kids, nobody questions it and I can talk about the eighties as much as I like."

"So...fifty-four?"

"Sure, whatever makes you happy, little perverted bunny." He stuck out his long tongue at you, earning his another light smack and a chuckle as he wrapped his arm around you, holding you possessively close as you walked into the air-conditioned mall.

"I'm not a pervert!"

"Hm...You've still fucked an old man."

"And you nearly gummed me to death." You retorted, the hair on the back of your neck raising as you heard a low, deep growl in his chest under his laugh. Leaning in and kissing the top of your head affectionately, looking to all purposes like a normal couple to anybody paying you attention before he whispered dangerously in your ear.

"Careful now, you're my dumb bunny but stupidity doesn't win you a free pass on everything." Nipping your ear harshly and making you hiss as you felt the jolt of a canine biting through skin and cartilage, leaving a pearl of blood against your skin and dripping down the shell of your ear.

He kept his arm around you as you walked. Sneaking glances at you to make sure that despite your earlier tumble and now his little bite, that you weren't looking in too rough a shape. Something in his chest tightened at the thought of you being hurt like that, he wanted to bite and mark you up for certain, but he didn't want to spoil your pretty face.

He knew that where you were going would be safe, and that you would be able to get help. He would be able to get help. But for the first time in his life, William Afton genuinely considered how much it would hurt somebody else when he had to run from it all again.

~~

Lunch was uneventful, William had taken the time to pull you into the back seat and kiss you for a little while. Calling it an apology for scaring you so much earlier, whispering sweet nothings between his lips capturing yours and his beard scratching your skin slightly. His large hand cupping your cheek and thumb stroking over your cheekbone as you sat in his lap.

Of course, he'd had to have lunch too. Although despite your protests, he had used a blood-bag and not you, but he had silenced any protests by pointing out that you'd already been fed on the previous night, and even in the best case scenario you weren't replenishing your supply THAT quickly. However he had humoured you in trying a vanilla milkshake and mixing some of the blood in, successfully hiding it as a strawberry one and realising that whilst it wasn't as good taste-wise, he did manage to get some of the flavour through.

The rest of the drive saw a little eased tension, occasionally getting William to joke and laugh with you, tutting and shaking his head as you sang along quietly to the radio or did a little dance in the passenger seat. He couldn't help the smile that filled his face as he watched you from the corner of his eye, how his expression softened as you tried to sing along to a new song even though you didn't know the words.

Or the way the gradually darkening sky cast soft orange and golden glows over your skin as the sun set and he could switch back to his usual glasses. The way your nose scrunched up when you accidentally picked up his milkshake instead of yours and took a sip. A frown began to form on his face as the sun sunk further into the horizon, his hand rubbing over his beard again nervously.

He had to remember that you were only human.

But as the darkness coated the sky, occasionally blocking the stars with the orange glow of sodium lamps along the highway and you had quietened down as you fell asleep against the seat, head facing towards him, which made him smile a little, he spotted the sign he'd both been hoping for and dreading.

Eventually, he spotted the worn out but well cared for road a few blocks before the city proper. Turning down it and feeling his undead heart beating far too quickly for his liking. Swallowing softly as he reached over and shook you gently, smiling slightly as he watched you waking up and rubbing your eyes with the heel of your palm.

"Where are we?" Your voice still laced with the last traces of sleep as you recognised that you'd turned off of the highway and onto a smaller road, peering into the darkness as you spotted a house at the end. A little like how William's was set back from the road, but without the woodlands to shelter it and this house was distinctly more modern and cared for. A well tended garden coming into view as William pulled the car into what you assumed as the end of the driveway, spotting a mini-van parked besides it and looking at the dash to see the time before he turned the car off.

"Somewhere necessary." Was the quiet reply, the vampire taking a deep breath before stepping out of the car and coming around to help you out of your side. Making sure that your sweater was adjusted and covering any marks he might have made before he locked the car and headed towards the door of the house, gesturing for you to follow him.

There were lights on inside, which was strange considering the late hour but you couldn't help but sense that something about William was tense and ready to spring. It made you nervous that the predator you had become intimately acquainted with feeling out of his element and less confident, what on Earth scared the formidable and mostly unkillable William Afton so much?

His large hand reached up and he hesitated before he knocked, looking at you briefly before seeming to make up his mind and straightening his shoulders and knocking briskly. A quick series that sounded firm, but friendly all at the same time.

Sounds of movement behind the wood snapped your attention back to the building, and you watched as the door cracked open slightly. William stiffening slightly as there was a pause before the door opened slowly and revealed the person behind it.

He was an older man. Wearing thick glasses and clearly somebody who used to be wirey and strong despite the slightly larger body he had now, sagging with age and possibly years of homemade meals by the paunch he supported. His green eyes blinking as you noticed his curly, mostly silver hair was tied back and peppered with the last remnants of what might have been black or very dark brown. His expression slack jawed and loose as he simply stared at William, seeming to not even notice your presence as William shifted uncomfortably.

"I....You...You're..." The man stammered, his voice croaking as he found it and swallowing a few times before he seemed to come to some sense and the expression of disbelief become more clear on his soft features. "William."

"It's good to see you again, old friend." William said after a moment, giving a tight, closed lip smile as you furrowed your brow. Watching the taller man swallow and shift his weight uncomfortably onto one foot before he gestured to you, drawing the older man's attention over to you finally. William calling you by your name for the first time in a while before he sucked in a deep breath and turned to you with what looked like a pained but attempting to be reassuring smile.

"This is my old friend, Mr. Henry Emily."

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