#this has happened multiple times and I think it’s justified that I’m fucking angry

[dreamsb0u]

Sometimes I wish my “friends” or whatever who ghosted me would talk to me again just so I could bite their fucking heads off

#rant #Tw rant #vent #vent tw #in tags #like you fucking said you were going on a mental health break and that’s fine but after WEEKS of radio silence I check on you #and you’ve fucking BLOCKED me???? #like what the fuck is wrong with you #this has happened multiple times and I think it’s justified that I’m fucking angry #they KNOW I have abandonment issues and they don’t even give me a notice they don’t tell me what I did wrong #I’m so fucking tired of this shit #I’ve tried to be supportive but all they ever do is fucking toss me to the side #I’m not sorry #I can’t even look at half of my sketchbook anymore because it’s stuff I made for them #I wouldn’t say that letting your friends know why you’re leaving them is a lot to ask #but hey maybe I’m the one in the wrong here #and I’m even angrier because I don’t hate them #I can’t really #but I’m so fucking mad #I don’t want any hug emojis I get that you’re trying to help but I’m really not in the fucking mood #I think I only have like two friends I can trust

[the-derpy-duck]

Ok here’s my long ass post about Earthspark Starscream.

None of this is even getting into the final episode of season one because I can’t right now. This show really did body horror and I love it so much.

I love him so so much. I love that the show doesn’t make an excuse for the way Megatron treated him and I like that he was nice. He does bad things and is selfish but also he’s not at the same time? Like horrible friend no doubt but when he was trying to escape he helped his seekers. He lead a jailbreak and he cares at least a bit about the other seekers.

He puts himself first always but also Skywarp was angry at him for not helping. Which would almost imply that at some point he used to help. He shoved her out of his way but he also pushes her out of the way do the energon monster. Was it intentional? Idk. But he did do it. And later in the episode he proves that he can be selfless. He responds well to people showing him kindness. He’s willing to work with the Maltos and follows there plans. He doesn’t even attack them at the end.

Also the fact that no one is like “yeah but you did shitty things so you deserved to be abused” is nice. ‘We’ll obviously no one would say it like that’ have you ever read a transformers YT video comment section? People like finding a way to justify the abuse others go through if they are attempting to fight back and this show says ‘no we aren’t gonna do that. Megaton was wrong to treat his subordinates the way he did.’ Starscream is a bad person, but honestly Megatron is too. His advice to bumblebee on teaching was to use fear because that’s what he did. Optimus tells him ‘don’t use unnecessary force with Starscream’ and guess what he does! I mean you could argue that he technically wasn’t using excessive force but the fact that OP felt the need to tell him not to do that shows something. Like I love this Megatron so much but he still was the leader of a glorified terrorist group. He had good intentions, but it still ended with him leading a group of terrorists.

And the bit where Megatron says he’ll take Starscream somewhere that’s safe and Starscream says ‘no where is safe with you’ is the most thing ever. I love that bit so much. Even if he’s wrong he’s still right because how could he ever feel safe near Megatron or if he knew where he was? The fact that he also automatically assumes the worst in others and is so surprised when Hashtag believed him is so sad to me. Like he’s awful and terrible but he’s also a person who has been hurt by someone who is, from his point of view, helping lock up himself and his subordinates. Starscream is a selfish traitor but Megatron has also betrayed him, his cause (typically, not that applicable to this Megatron), and his people. Also Starscream is telling Megaton to fuck off which I love.

He has the ability to emphasize with Hashtag and he doesn’t want the others to die but he’s spent so much time in an environment that fosters betrayal and constant lying that he can’t just go back for them even if he wanted to. I don’t think he cares either way, but Starscream’s backstabbing nature probably only got as bad as it did BECAUSE he was forced into situations where he could either throw someone else under the bus or be run over. He doesn’t respond as warmly to Skywarp or Novastrom when they showed up (compared to Hashtag) but he had a response. He’s almost apathetic to them but he relaxes slightly and has an almost positive reaction.

Hashtag telling Starscream that bad things happen and it isn’t always their fault was just— AHGHH! I love this episode so much. It’s looking you in the face and saying “hey. that thing you do, where you say this person deserved the abuse they got? Yeah that’s messed up and wrong.” Because people DONT deserve to be abused and no one ever does. ‘Starscream tried to kill Megatron multiple times’ then just imprison, exile, or kill him. And I know that it’s not that simple but if you try to simplify Starscream’s actions then I’m gonna simply Megatron’s possible responses. They both did bad things, we don’t see them doing the bad things in this episode so making an actual judgement is kind of hard but the episode is strongly implying that Megatron abused SS or otherwise unfairly hurt him. I mean SS kind of says it.

Starscream manages to be a really nuanced and complex character without taking away from the others around him. Like Hashtag telling Megatron to leave Starscream alone and Megatron almost shooting Starscream gives all of them more character. Megatron isn’t really WRONG for attacking SS IN THE CAVE. Because if I was Megatron I would assume he would attack the terrains. Hashtag is also a character I didn’t think I’d like as much as I do (her fake evil bit was fun). She cares so much about the people around her and is able to feel empathy for people she shouldn’t and that probably sucks a lot. It’s not a good feeling to feel bad for people and Hashtag is empathetic.

I hope he (SS) will show up more in season two as a neutral force almost like TFP. Because I don’t see him going after the terrains just because they sided with Megatron but he’s also not gonna just join the Maltos. Also Thundercracker pls pls pls. Even if he’s just like ‘fuck this noise’ and then leaves and never shows up again. Just put the Blue guy in.

Twitch trying to recruit more decepticons to Megatron is funny I love her so much.

#transformers #maccadam #character analysis #tf earthspark #tfe megatron #tfe starscream #transformers earthspark #earthspark hashtag #tfe hashtag #earthspark megatron #earthspark spoilers #earthspark twitch #earthspark starscream #earthspark skywarp #fandom #Duck screams about things

[dream-critical]

(Same fan here) I’m sorry. I should’ve have phrased my ask in that way. I shouldn’t have called them just “shitty” views. Dream calls them racist and bigoted and I should’ve done the same. You’re right, it wasn’t an overreaction and those who were angry were rightfully so.

There’s one thing that i want to comment on as it made me realize something. You say he hasn’t proved or shown that he’s changed. But, if you don’t watch him, how would you see the change? I don’t mean for that to sound patronizing as you’re completely justified in not watching him, I just mean that we are likely coming from very, very different perspectives. That’s not a bad thing, but I understand a bit more now.

From my perspective as a fan who regularly watches him, I see the change. It’s him asking for the proper pronunciation of Chinese names when he streamed Genshin and asking for his chat to be respectful of Chinese culture, it’s wishing a happy Ramadan and, when asked, Eid Mubarak to a Muslim fan, it’s being respectful of and interested by astrology when people who believe in it are often mocked, etc. Little, bare minimum things, I know, but they meant a lot to poc fans. This doesn’t reach the people that don’t watch him, but it does allow for a safer space for his fans.

Him changing doesn’t negate what he did. Not at all. It doesn’t change the fact that the edits exist and he’s hasn’t confronted them directly. I just want to explain myself and my perspective a bit, as I realize that my previous ask was insensitive. I’ll leave it here and I’m sorry again.

As a Muslim I'm telling you none of those things show change and also he's being performative, he has done multiple wrong things while trying to desperately appease to muslims so that's one thing you can shut the fuck up about.

Also wow him making jokes about being a Leo totally show he's sooooooooo respectful about astrology. Didn't know people who believe in that were part of a marginalized group /s

The correct pronouciation of a name is basic human decency btw and I refuse to praise a white man for doing the absolute minimum.

Also I was a very avid dream watcher until the clips resurfaced. like I've mentioned multiple times I had a hyperfix on sapnaps content and stanned him as well and since dream is his best friend I've seen a lot of content with him as well. Back then little things he did were just minor things that could have been honest mistakes or I just brushed off bc I did genuinely like him as a cc but now it just makes the bigger picture a lot clearer than it was before.

None of these things show change it just means he's putting a tiny bit of effort into making sure his fans that do still support him have things to cling onto and ignore what everyone else is saying.

Also even if it is change those are all things that happened very very recently while the main argument to defend him is that he already has changed since 2020 so that doesn't hold up either. Which is what you said in your previous ask as well.

To literally quote you, you said "We can’t ask him to stop having a racist sense of humor because he already has, even if the improvements just been in the past year or two when his fanbase was growing."

You're literally just switching up shit to seem right and on top of that, and I'm saying this again to put an emphasis on it, none of the things you mentioned show real change.

They are minor things that are all normal decency. You could argue small steps have to be made before you can get to bigger changes but it's 2 years too late and I don't think any person of colour owes him forgiveness or acknowledgement for it at all.

#mercury.txt #anonymous #asks #dream critical #cc critical #dream neg #dsmp fandom critical #dream crit

[rayinberkeley]

You think I’M the monster?

So, hi everybody. Um, yeah..... I guess you all saw the massive explosion that I got stuck in, that leaves you thinking I'm a giant monster, wishing cancer on a poor, innocent lady who was swarmed by hate from a mob of evil people you think I'm a part of.

Alright, well... no. I’m not. And no, I don’t just go around wishing people die of cancer. You'll probably ignore this and go, "tl;dr lol" at me, but I'm gonna show you some shit anyway. Because there really is a lot more to this than you think. And I don’t mean about what really started that drama. In fact I still don’t even know what caused it. But you need to know, this is the entire exchange, and the reason why I was angry enough to say so.

And yes, you can be driven to that level of anger, and yes, by a poor lady you think did nothing wrong (but totally did).

First, because I just want to get this out of the way, here's a little about your girl Gamma. Some interesting pertinent tidbits in here... because since then, I've seen ALL this said about your girl:

Do I know anything about these incidents? No. I don't know her at all. So if you wanna defend the poor little thing against these accusations, take it up with the people who said it, not with me.

My entire point here is to show you want happened with ME. What drove me to saying what I said, and why I'm not sorry.

I was told it's always wrong to say what I said. Like nobody else has ever been driven to saying something ragey. And that there’s no justification just because I was "having a bad day." Actually my day was just fine. I'd just seen Book of Mormon on stage, enjoying my coffee and a football game, and while upset that five gay men were murdered in a nightclub the day before, I was doing just fine.

Again, I don't know her and didn't follow her. I only know for some reason Twitter saw fit to put her tweet, the one that started it all, on my feed, just like they do a billion rightwing motherfuckers I don't care about. You've seen me scream at Twitter about that multiple times.

And here it is. And this should be enough, because apparently many of you need to be informed of this fact: it is offensive as fuck.

This screenshot was taken as it appeared on my feed. A million of you told me, "Well he started it!" and that it isn't what I think it is. As you can see, whatever she was Quote Tweeting is not visible to me. If I want to look at WHY she said it, I'd have to tap on the quote-tweet and scroll up to what led to it, but I can't do that if I’m "unable to see this tweet because..."

What I see is a woman yelling at a gay man about not doing something for the wrongly imprisoned Japanese. I didn’t even know what Greg she was talking to. Just that she’s got a gay kid, and she’s not homophobic at all and fights for the gays, but...... on the day after five of us are murdered, she wants to know what this one gay person named Greg did for Japanese internment.

What. The. FUCK?

What I don't understand is, how do you even justify this? You all had a chance to tell me why it's justified and you instead chose to yell at me. I could get no answer from any of you other than rage and stupidity, and I damn sure didn’t get anything from her.

Are you not aware why it's offensive? 

Would you listen to me if I told you? 

Because I'm going to tell you.

Tit for tat, she says. On the day after five murders of gay men, somehow gays were supposed to, "tit for tat" do something about..... what? Something from a century ago? So random. So off the wall out there, and I'm hardly the only one to think so. Lots of people expressed how bizarre this was:

This has the smatterings of the incident recently with Sarah Silverman. You may remember, as it JUST HAPPENED RECENTLY (unlike Japanese Internment from FDR) that Silverman accused people of not saying anything about Kanye's antisemetic remarks, and she was demanding we do so. You all swarmed her, as did I, that she must not have been following good folks if she hadn't seen the outrage Ye received. Not just then but for quite some time now.

But for devil's advocacy, for no reason other than to demonstrate a point, let’s just say: what if nobody WAS saying anything about his antisemetic remarks? She'd have been right to say so. She's not, cuz we did, before you have a kneejerk reaction to that. My point isn't that. My point is that at least she’d have a point if she were right.

What Gimble (or whatever her name is) said... was worse. Way worse than Silverman’s statement. No, not just because Japanese Internment wasn't nearly so recent. But because there's no way for her to be right even if no gays did anything about Japanese internment.

Why didn't we gay men just put on our thparkly little thuperhero tights and rethcue those poor Japanese a century ago? I want you to think about that for a second. Why didn’t we?

(And one of you decided to come at me and go, "Um excuse me, it wasn't a century ago. It happen in the 1940's which is less than I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, CHAD.)

But no, just why?

Well it might be because WE WERE IN FUCKING HIDING!!!!!!!!!! This little point didn't occur to a single one of you as to why what she said was INCREDIBLY FUCKING OFFENSIVE? Not a single one of you?

Gays were in terror, hiding in speakeasies, drinking watered down cocktails that the mafia sold us because those were the only places we could feel slightly safe. How do you all not know this? Our hangouts would be raided by police with batons, who'd then shove us into the back of police trucks, all while reporters would shove cameras in our faces to catch the fags. We had to try to hide our faces with handcuffed hands, because if our face was recognized our entire life was ruined. Because the people of America were shown such wonderful things about us, that we were praying on little boys, much like we're being attacked and labeled as "groomers" every single fucking day now. We are under attack RIGHT NOW, not just by murders like at Q or at Pulse, but by nonstop rightwing radio and media, and with legislation and groomer propaganda. Right now. Not (slightly less than) a century ago. Oh, even the raiding of gay bars wasn't just a thing of last century. Ask the Atlanta Eagle. Oh you can't. It was shut down.

You wouldn't hear George Takei blame gays for not rescuing him from that camp. Maybe you should have a talk with him about it.

Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck is wrong with all of you that you didn't see how offensive that was? 

Oh, but you ALL screamed at me, that’s not what she MEANT!  And "She's not homophobic, how dare you say that!" except I didn't. I don't reach for low-hanging fruit like that, and I don't need yet another motherfucker telling me she didn't mean that, because there it is, her saying exactly that, and her demanding some fucked up "tit for tat" from a gay man.

Yes, she did, motherfucker, it's right the fuck there and stop saying it isn't.

But you think she’s being “attacked” and “for no reason”? I don’t even know why I’m cropping the person’s name out who said this, because he damn sure didn’t give ME any courtesy:

You all instead kept yelling at me that I can't be offended by that. Every one of you would have said, at least at one point in your life, that you don't get to tell someone what can and cannot offend them, and yet you DON'T afford that to me. You do realize that, don't you?

No. Apparently I've no right to tell her that horrible thing I did, no excuse, no reason could possibly justify it. I’m not trying to justify it. I’m explaining why I said it. Because you all think I just right out told her to die of cancer ‘for not reason.” You DO know I didn't just say that, right? 

No, in fact my reaction was simply this:

It could've ended there. She could’ve recognized that I was offended, if she’d had any sense that what she said might’ve been even remotely wrong, or at the very least come across wrong to others. If she’d been thinking about anybody else’s sensitivities. (I remind you in the tweets above she had no sensitivity to the man with PTSD wanting a trigger warning). 

But instead of that, she had to go and do this:

I don’t get why I’m not allowed to see my own tweet, but it’s my tweet she’s quoting there. As she makes a joke out of this whole thing.

And that's where things really began. You see, you should all know how Twitter works. You can reply easily enough. She could apologize. She could explain she didn't mean what she said that way. Or..... you can quote tweet someone so as to say, "Hey everybody, look what this person said to me!" because you wanna fish for attention. 

And that, I hope you realize, is exactly what she did. As you can see, she quote-tweets my comment, which was supposed to be, "Take your tit and go" except my phone keyboard decided to "autocorrect" it to tits by adding an s. Having already outraged me, instead she's all, Hey everyone, look what he said to me, How do I take them off? LOL... like this is a fucking joke to her.

Alright, well..... if she wants to talk about removable body parts..... I just suggested she do whatever she did to detach her brain before she said that offensive as fuck thing she did. And.....

Hey everybody, look what he said! Those are words! LOL... laughy emoji!

Does it look like she’s someone who cares a damn about other people? It sure as fuck doesn’t to me. I’m obviously gay, it’s obviously the day after the murders, and she’s obviously making all the fun about how outraged I am at her comment.

And I’m outraged at her “for no reason at all.”

This is the second time she pokes the bear that she’s already just offended. And now, I'm fucking livid. So, “Becky with the fucked hair” (and no, I’ve no fucking idea why her hair looks so fucked, and I don’t CARE!)

One more poke, and this one with an added attempt at acting like, “I’m on base!” cuz of some victimhood thing she pulls out of her ass. Now, she's already hidden behind her gay kid which is despicable enough. 

I have a gay kid so I can't possibly be homophobic, BUT...

You all know what it's like when someone says, "I'm not racist, but..." and this was no different. And apparently she said this about Japanese internment because she claims some Japanese heritage, so she's using that as well. Now she's using chemo, like I’m supposed to fucking know that about her.

And I've had my last ounce of chill at this point. Cuz she’d do anything to protect gays, except you know, not joke about them after murders. NOW I drop my rage bomb. I don't JUST say horrible things to poor, poor women. I have to be driven very, VERY far before I'd lose my shit like that, and she took me all the way there:

And I blocked her. 

Okay, NOW I'm having a bad day. 

So no, I didn’t just tell her I hope she dies of cancer because I’m a big careless misogynist meanie and a monster. I was pushed there. And I am not some fucking child that needs your reprimand about what you don’t say to people. Especially people too stupid to see why I was offended. 

Don’t fucking insult my intelligence.

By this point, I wouldn't give a shit if she tried to tell me she has a week to live. I'd have probably said Then speed it the fuck along, because as far as I'm concerned, this person, I don't even know, is yet another Twitter troll who'll throw up anything to excuse their shitty behavior. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You've seen them. First name bunchanumbers, jumps in, says something that pisses you off, and no matter what you come back with, they throw up something they make up, entirely out of their ass, to insist you “assumed” something about them, and finish off with an obligatory “lol” instead of punctuation. They always try to disarm you with random and irrelevant shit, and you know anybody can say anything on Twitter. And it’s already real clear to me, she’s not taking anything seriously.

So I don't even fucking CARE. And I shouldn't have to. Because this was some serious bullshit. And if you can't see that, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Did I overreact? Well you would probably think so because this woman, who kept quote-tweeting me for your attention, had just been given the MOTHERLODE of sympathy-getters to get all she wanted from fools like you, who wouldn’t even give it a second thought to condemn me. Why? Cuz I lost my fucking shit, and I couldn’t even think straight. The crime is not that I said it, but that she got me there. 

But you don’t care, cuz she shows you, you saw red, and she gets exactly what she wants. Ta dah! This is how Karens work.

If I have one more finger-wagging, pearl clutching, self-righteous person come at me with, "Now Ray, you don't wish someone dead of cancer!" like I don’t fucking know you don’t, I was gonna fucking lose my goddamned shit worse. I particularly like "Do better!" Better? Okay fine, she can die of cancer AND the clap. How's that for better?

As you can see, I’m not sorry. I didn’t ask for this shit.

All the excuses ya’ll made for her! I got to see them and they were so insane. Oh but that's not what she meant, you said, and But HE started it (whoever HE is), and my favorite: But the poor thing was just being swarmed! 

Oh please. Hello, welcome to fucking Twitter. You have all participated in swarming people who say offensive shit, yet you’re clutching your pearls cuz I wasn't nice to her for saying whatever the fuck that was? Nothing justifies what she said. And it doesn't even have to be JUST that she said it on the day after five gay murders, but also that she not once, not twice, but three times tried to use me for her entertainment. She was using me for cruel fucking jollies. Do you not see that?

And don’t act like saying that is new just because lady tears activated your heart strings. Do you have any idea how many of these Bernie-or-Bust little brats have told me they hope I keep smoking my cigars and die of cancer? Did any of you defend me? No, and I didn’t need you to.

Did any of you have anything at all to say about the esteemed “Mr. Weeks”?Maybe you don’t know, because I didn’t cry and beg for your attention. But he blocked me and told me to STFU because he's offended by the word "cisgendered," and when asking what it even meant, I simply told him the Latin meaning, and why it's really no different than "HETEROsexual." Well to let you know, he and several of his followers insisted (and these are not my words)  that their Black ass don't need no more words stamped on them, sending actual trans people on here to feel absolutely abused. I was there for them, but I don’t remember a single one of you. 

We LGBTQ truly cannot trust any of you.

Ya'll saw what you wanted to see, and just snapped right into your little narratives about men being monsters to women, and tossing me right on that pile without hesitation. And I might expect that from people who know nothing about me. But those of you who coddled her, ignored her offensive as fuck thing, and fell for the Karen tears, I have to say, I honestly thought you knew better.

Oh yeah, and I saw a certain lesbian activist's little diatribe about "toxic white gays" and their misogyny, and how they use the term "Karen" wrong as though they don't know what it means. I mean you had to fall right into your little script of your hate for the gay boys, didn't you?

Gurl please. See if I don't know what a Karen is. 

A Karen is a woman who throws herSELF onto the hood of your car and then screams at people, "He's trying to run me over!" to get sympathy and bring unjust harm onto the accused. A Karen pokes a bear and then tries to get you to hate the bear because she got her ass bit.

I've even said, a time or two, that while the blood of Jesus is supposed to wash away your sins, the tears of a Karen washes away your humanity in the eyes of the fools who fall for her shit.

Goombah, or whatever her name is, cried her little Karen tears and showed you all what I said, supposedly for no reason at all, and not a one of you saw any humanity in me whatsoever. No reason to hear a word I said. No reason to consider my case when I provided receipts. No reason to wonder why I might have said it. Just run to comfort the poor little thing that the big meanie attacked for no reason at all. How could she possibwy be wrong in any way at all? Why, she was just being all innocent and defenseless and minding her own widdle business, and along came one of those tOxIc wHiTe gAyS, right? Who needs to know any more? I don't have feelings. I am not allowed to be offended. I'm nobody. Toss my ass in the garbage and go help the crying little thing. Guilty because well I just am and that’s all there is to it.

Hopefully you understand, that's how she treated gay men the day after the murders, and the rest of you gave us, in this supposedly evil mean monster swarm you all told me about, exactly zero consideration. Exactly zero agency. Exactly zero humanity. Zero benefit of doubt. Zero reason to care at all that she just said, and yes she fucking did, that gays should "tit for tat" have done something about Japanese internment in the 1940s as though that’s perfectly okay to say.

Every. Single. One of you.

I honestly cannot believe how, in a split second, in a beat of a heart, you ALL fell for this shit, and my entire standing goes up in flames. That’s fucked up.

Gays are always used by straight women who want safety, and then when they’re done we are disrespected, and so damned disposable that even those of you who should know better toss us aside the second we're not useful. Oh hello, it was just a week ago or so that a story came out of a bachelorette party in a gay bar got out of control and some woman bit the fuck out of one of the gay male patrons. I said something about when Jack on Will & Grace said, "Grace honey, I'm not like the other men in your life. I... WILL slap you." Because in that moment I totally would if you fucking bit me.

And oooooh some of you did not like that. And I don't give a fuck. I have a right to defend myself, against any Karen. We have to learn to be. The abuse from straight girls is unfathomable. Some of you might not know this, but in fact gay men are being shamed into giving up our spaces constantly to women because if we don't we're oh so misogynist and mean, even to the point where women are supposed to be allowed (I'm not making this up) to compete in MISTER Leather events, but there is no tit for tat there for MISS. Leather events. You didn't know that, did you? We have a lady Mister San Francisco Leather recently and men were made into monsters if they were against it, because how dare they be!?

Me? I get that gender isn't binary, and I stayed all the way out of that quagmire, because I've already been made aware I am not allowed to have a thought on that. But I do feel for how ripped-to-fucking-shreds some of my friends have been over that. Because like gender, it's complicated.

I don't honestly know how much more I am expected to take before I'm allowed to be mildly annoyed, let alone excused for snapping. Five more of us murdered? Called faggot a two hundred more times? A few more million tweets insinuating we're all groomers? Before I'm allowed to have even the slightest ounce of humanity, that you don't all toss me the second some Karen tears fly, as though all I do is just abuse women all the time, so that the Man-hating Lesbo Lady can have another lengthy lecture to nodding bobblehead people about what monsters we are.

That's what I've just gone through. Thanks to Gumby or whatever she's called, and every... single... one of you. In an instant I still can't believe happened. From a woman who apparently has beaten up on PTSD people before. Remember, I have been quite open about my own crippling PTSD. My own difficult journey not just as a gay man, but as a disabled one, that has me constantly tied up in knots. So that all these little shits on Twitter who call me boomer and wish me dead from cigar smoke think they're "punching up." Like fuck they are. My PTSD is flaring up real bad right now. Defending myself is NOT easy, because every single time I did as a kid, I was abused harder, AND condemned by nearly everyone around me for fighting with women. Because I was male, and my abusers were female--my mother and sister. Never mind I was a little disabled boy and they were older, evil and used that relentlessly against me.

There is nothing more horrific than knowing you can be abused and beaten and have absolutely no right to defend yourself or run. It's why as a child, who shouldn't even know WHAT a complete nervous breakdown IS, I'd had multiple instances of them before I'd even reached the age of ten. I'd feared for my life many times even from a death threat from my own mother. You want to know why I can identify with the terror Black folks must feel with dealing with police abuse? Why the videos are traumatizing to me in a way I couldn't even put into words? That's why.

But no, I'm an unfeeling monster who just abuses women, huh?

What all just happened, condemnation from all of you because of Karen tears, because I dared defend myself, is resulting in a category 5 PTSD maelstrom right now, but you think I don’t feel. All because of your innocent little Googlymoogly, or whatever her name is, wanted some sympathy attention, and every single one of you gave it to her. And every one of you coming at me to tell me, "Now Ray, it was wrong of you!" have no idea.

When I get to the point I’m saying DON'T COME AT ME I don’t say it because I'm a mean person, but because I don't WANT to be mean, and I’m on the edge, and it feels like more internal torture than I can take. I’m not prone to being mean. In those instances I’m actually prone to curling up and crying. The fact I lashed out in defense isn’t because I’m some toxic white male, but that I finally learned I do deserve to defend myself. It was not easy for me to get to that state of self-pride. You did not know that. Now you do.

All I know now is that I can never again trust any of you. I know where I really stand with you. And I guess all this time I've been there beside you fighting the Bernie-bitches and the RoseMAGA motherfuckers means absolutely nothing. I never demanded your attention or "a cookie." I just enjoyed making you laugh and supporting you against those little demons, because for a brief moment I didn't feel alone. I never asked for anything from you. Just being seen as a person meant everything after how I'd been treated by the Right for so long, and then by the Left because I didn’t hate Hillary like they wanted. I’d fled the east coast to get away from my family’s abuse, from Obama haters who threatened me because I had the audacity to say he wasn’t a Muslim who’d behead women he didn’t like (seriously, deep south Georgia in 2008 was scary), only to get to the west coast and see representative get shot (Tucson, 2011), to see my Pride parade sabotaged by extreme Leftists in San Francisco each year, to see Russia turn my side of the political aisle into crazed haters.....

After all that, I thought I'd found safety with you on here, and clearly I was mistaken. I didn't even expect you to defend me. I just didn't need your finger in my face and your insult to my intelligence. I just needed the allowance to have the agency to decide what should offend me.

But you didn't even give me that. 

Far as I'm concerned, you can all die of fucking cancer with a side of butt herpes and some scabies on the side. You know, because all I am to you now is someone who said that one thing that one time to that one person “for no reason,” and I’m nothing more.

Thanks a fucking lot, folks. 

Really thought ya'll were smarter than that.

[venusiangguk]

may we see the fight tae oc scene pls pls please!!! u can delete later🤔🤔🤔🤔😳😳😳😳 i’m really curious. i mean ofc u don’t have to. still 😧🙃

idealizations concerning real life relations: deleted scene

>>pairing: jungkook x reader / icrlr!couple

>>genre: fwb, angst, rated PG

>>word count: 2.5k

>>warnings: alcohol, implied smut

>>notes: this is a deleted scene from icrlr, that i omitted simply because of the length of the final fic!! feel free to skip or ignore, it doesn't change anything, but since u guys are curious about it, i'll post it as a lil ty for helping me hit that milestone <3 it takes place after the tattoo party scene, and before the lecture scene.

this does NOT provide an alternative ending.

>>summary: taehyung tries to make you see things for what they really are, but it's hard to see through the rose colored glasses.

Winter break has been long awaited and it is finally, finally here. The snow has coated the ground thick, making the town look like a winter wonderland. The air is sharp and cold but not to a miserable extent. Just chilly enough to bundle up, to hold a hand a little tighter and soak up their warmth.

Your favorite season is fall, but the later months are a close second. You love seeing the way everyone’s faces get red when snow flurries come down to kiss their nose and cheeks. Love the way pom poms bounce atop little hats as children play and have snowball fights. Winter is surprisingly one of the warmest, sweetest times of the year. Like the hot coco Jeongguk has been swapping your regular macchiato with lately.

There’s a greatly anticipated party tonight- a mashup of Taehyung’s birthday and New Year’s Eve. Anticipated for the simple fact that said birthday boy has steadily been ignoring you for weeks, and tonight was a night where he couldn’t evade your attempts of reconciliation. He hasn’t returned a single call or even sent a text back. You can’t even be mad at him really, you know it’s justified. You know you fucked up. The coffee date you had with Yoongi last week let you know what you did.

Over an iced coffee, you learned that you had unintentionally skipped out on your best friend's Winter Showcase. The important one that he mentioned multiple times. The one you promised to attend no matter what.

It wasn’t on purpose; you wanted to go, to support him. But you just got caught up. In life, in school, in Jeongguk. It happens.

When Yoongi asked you why you had missed it, when he told you how hurt Taehyung was by your absence, your heart dropped, sank deep within your chest as your mouth fell open before closing, a small pursed frown on your lips. You didn’t have a good excuse. You went to get tattoos with Jeongguk and then to a party where you fucked him, and then home after that? You were too tired to make it? You just simply forgot? Those excuses weren’t good enough for you and you knew they wouldn’t be good enough for Taehyung.

Whereas Yoongi was okay with distance, long periods in between hanging out and talking, Taehyung wasn’t. He was the kind of friend that needed support, reassurance that you cared. He liked quality time and hangs outs that were planned ahead so he could look forward to them. He was looking forward to you being at his showcase.

The party is packed, even more so than usual. Students, drop-outs, alumni, and randoms alike, all congregate to bring in the new year, to celebrate the end of finals, and a certain art majors birthday. Bodies are on bodies, music is loud and deafening. Cups, bottles, and small baggies litter the floor and the smell of weed is nauseating.

Jeongguk’s hand in yours is sweet, though. Enough to ebb the distaste in your mouth as you watch the stereotypical disaster that is a college party.

“I’m going to go find the drinks, okay?” you lie, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand lightly.

He squeezes back, kisses the side of your head as he says, “Bring me one back too?”

You nod, and slip out of his view. Scanning the crowd until you see a familiar face.

Jimin is laughing, red cup in his hand, eyes curled and happy. He’s sitting on the arm of a couch, legs swinging as he laughs with a group of people. He takes a drink from his cup and let’s his eyes roam the room like he’s looking for someone.

The way his face changes when he sees you approaching is like a punch in the gut. It goes from happy, and carefree to stony- only a small, irritated, close-lipped smile on his face. Eyes harsh and cold, no longer holding the mirth they were just seconds ago. He says nothing when you step in front of him, he just looks you over like he’s bored and waiting for you to get on with it so he can be done with it.

You shift on your feet under his scrutiny. “Where’s Tae?” you ask.

Jimin narrows his eyes at you and tilts his head. “Now you want to know where he is? Haven’t been concerned with his whereabouts for months. Definitely weren’t worried about it last week.”

You wince but carry on swiftly. “Listen, I know I fucked up. I’m here to apologize.” You look at him expectantly, but he holds his ground. When he doesn’t falter, you resort to begging, “Please, Jimin. He’s my best friend… I miss him.”

You must look pitiful, because Jimin’s indifferent facade fades, and he clicks his tongue like he’s annoyed at himself for giving into you. “He’s getting us drinks in the kitchen.”

A smile takes over your face as you rush out a ‘thank you’, quickly turning on your heel to head in the opposite direction, before Jimin calls after you.

“Yeah?” you ask, looking over your shoulder at him.

“If he’s your best friend, maybe treat him like it, yeah?”

You continue to the kitchen without replying, and you can’t help the little simmer of annoyance that bubbles in your chest. Taehyung has been your best friend for years. And even though Jimin had a point, who was he to tell you anything about yours and Taehyung’s friendship?

Before the thought can fester, however, you see the boy you came looking for, two bottles of vodka in his hand like he’s trying to decide which to use. You see the little party hat atop his shaggy hair before anything else and your heart aches a little. You really did miss him. He lets out a small annoyed sound, and knowing him, he’s probably trying to figure out which has the highest alcohol percentage. You come up next to him, and say his name gently. He jumps, but when he realizes it’s you, the ghost of a smile curls on his lips like he’s happy to see you.

Until it’s replaced with resentment just as quickly. His sharp eyes squint at you before turning back to the bottles in his hands, scowl still in place.

“So you decided you could pencil me in between getting your heart toyed with and your back blown out?” He gives you a side glance and sees how your jaw drops in surprise. He carries on, unbothered. “Or did this just work out because it coincides with New Year’s and because he was invited? Only because he’s Jimin’s friend might I add.”

“Tae-” you try, doing your best to keep the hurt whine out of your tone.

“Save it, __. I don’t want to hear the excuses you have. Just-” he looks at you again, and you think that maybe he softens when he sees your crestfallen features. He sighs like he’s tired. “Just leave me alone. Just for a bit, okay? I’ll get over it eventually,” he finishes, finally deciding on the vodka he wants.

You know his request isn't unreasonable. But it’s already been so long that the distance in your friendship has been eating away at it, that you’re scared ‘eventually’ might take too long and by the time he comes around, there won’t be much of a friendship left. That the damage done, will be irreparable.

“Tae… It’s already been months, can’t we-”

Like night and day, the softness that you were able to pull out of him is immediately replaced with that resentment and anger you were met with when you first stepped into the kitchen.

“Yeah,” he seethes, strong brows furrowed. “And whose fault is that?”

His words are sharp and the sting from them makes you take a step back. That is, until you feel anger of your own creep up your throat like venom. “You’re one to talk, Taehyung. You could have reached out to me, too. You’re no better than me when you’re in a relationship.”

He groans, gives an exasperated laugh before shrugging. “You know what? Maybe I am just as bad as you, but at least I’m actually in a relationship,” he spits, “You’re just fucking someone that doesn’t give a fuck about you.”

You know he’s hurt because of the distance. That he doesn’t intend to be so mean. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, and it doesn’t stop the angry tears from pooling in your eyes.

And although you’re angry, almost shaking with rage at the feeling of being cornered and blamed, your heart aches at hearing his words.

Jimin, who started seeing Taehyung after you started seeing Jeongguk, had already made your friend official. Had given him the title, the commitment, the relationship that you had been patiently and understandingly waiting for with Jeongguk. The bitterness that bleeds into your heart makes you feel gross and ugly.

You know what they say; that labels are superficial and don’t mean that much. But when you don’t have them? It makes you wonder. If a label really isn’t that important, like everyone says, why is Jeongguk so reluctant to give one to you?

“Jimin’s your boyfriend?” you whisper.

Taehyung gives you a short nod. “Month and half ago. You would’ve known if you got your head out of Jeongguk’s ass.”

Almost like he was summoned, the topic of debate waltz into the room, coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He nuzzles into your neck.

It’s instinctual now, the way your body responds to him. The way you melt into his chest like second-nature, how your hands settle over his like they are keeping them in place. How immediately in his presence you feel calmer; the panicky, hurt feeling you were experiencing moments ago vanishing as if it were just a fleeting thought and not something that’s always in the back of your head.

Not in a possessive, ‘I need him to be mine’ kind of way, though.

More like, ‘Why won’t he be mine?’

“Hi,” he murmurs into your neck.

“Hi, baby,” you respond softly, out of habit. The room shirks around you whenever he’s near. Makes you feel like you’re in your own bubble with him.

Jeongguk’s about to reply, ask where the drinks are, but then he hears an annoyed scoff sound in front of you both. Jeongguk bristles as he looks up and sees Taehyung taking a big swig from his cup.

“Uh- am I interrupting? Should I go?” he asks hesitantly, looking between you and your friend.

“No-” you say at the same time that Taehyung says, “Yes.”

You cringe, and turn in Jeongguk’s arms, hands resting on his chest. “Just give me a couple more minutes okay? I’ll bring the drinks.”

Jeongguk searches your eyes, before looking at Taehyung one last time before giving you a stern nod and a quick kiss.

You turn back to Taehyung, ready to apologize for Jeongguk’s interruption, when he talks over you.

“You’re pathetic,” he starts, and you roll your eyes with an irritated sigh before he continues, “but I know you love him. And that you can’t help it,” he shrugs. “But as your friend, I have to tell you that it’s not going to end well. You probably don’t even need me to tell you that. You probably already know and are choosing to ignore it for the sake of the delusions you’ve made up in your ‘pretty little head’.”

You pout at him quoting you, and your brows furrow. “He cares about me. And he’s Jimin’s best friend. He’s a good person, you don’t even know him,” you argue defensively. Though you know your arguments make little sense and are flimsy at best.

Taehyung frowns. Pauses like he’s thinking.

“I didn’t say he was a bad person, and maybe he does care about you in his own messed up way. But he doesn’t care about you in the way that you want him to.” His lips are still down turned when he speaks again.

“And the difference between him with you and him with Jimin is astronomical; it shouldn’t even be a comparison, but I will humor you,” he rubs a hand up and down his face like he’s tired. “The dynamic is completely different, for obvious reasons. For one, Jimin is a safe relationship. You are not. Jimin isn’t in love with him, Jimin isn’t sucking his dick, and Jimin doesn’t want things from Jeongguk that Jeongguk cannot give, or does not want to give,” he says with a raised brow as he takes a sip of his drink.

It seems that the anger has died down some between you both, a semi-civil conversation finally being had. You wrinkle your brows in confusion at him. “What are you talking about?”

He rolls his eyes. “Cmon __. Why do you think he hasn’t made you his girlfriend? Why do you think he literally has not been in a serious relationship since high school? Why do you think he never agrees to anything more than 2 months out?” He waits for you to answer but you just purse your lips stubbornly. “He’s scared. Dare I say terrified of commitment, and that’s exactly what you want from him right?”

You stay headstrong and quiet for a moment longer, ignoring his question in favor of asking one of your own when you finally do speak up. “If I’m so scary, why hasn’t he left?”

Taehyung shrugs. “Fuck if I know? Maybe he does care about you like you say he does. I don’t think so, but hey,” He raises his hands in mock surrender, like he is throwing in the figurative towel. “Maybe you’re right and maybe I‘m wrong. Or maybe there’s some fucked up codependency fermenting between you both when you copulate. I genuinely have no clue, and frankly, I don’t care to find out. Don’t text me until you come to your senses. And don’t get mad when I tell you ‘I told you so’.”

And with that, he turns and leaves you to make your own drinks. You hope the smile you give Jeongguk when you find him is believable.

That night when you go back to his place, you voice your concerns to him in between sweet, heated kisses that taste like hot cider. You tell him hesitantly how Taehyung voiced his concerns about Jeongguk not caring about you and Jeongguk got a little irritated, a little miffed as he unlatched his lips from your neck. He asked what Taehyung knew, how he even came to that conclusion when he’s not around you both.

He assured you with gentle touches and tender words that of course he cares about you. He reminded you that he always makes time for you, he always answers your calls and your texts, he takes you out every now and then, too. He asks you what you think and when you contemplate your answer, going over what he said, you can’t really argue with him. Even if an uneasy, dismal feeling settles in the pit of your tummy.

~~~

hellooo!! again, this is just a scene and part of the plot that i chose not to use because i felt like the fic was already so long. i wish that i had ended up including it tho, so i hope you enjoyed even though its nothing special <3 feel free to do the things if you liked it: like, comment, reblog, send an ask~~ love u, ty again for helping me reach that milestone <3

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook #jungkook fic #bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook fic recs #btswritingcafe #thebtswritersclub #networkbangtan #bangtansorciere #btsgoldnet #heartsforbts #btscreatorscorner #kwritersworldnet #bangtanarmynet #jungkook oneshot #bts jungkook #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jungkook smut #jeongguk x reader

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xi.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 396

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hi everyone !!! here we are with the weekly update hehe, and it's a brief chapter but it does direct it up to the next one, and that'll be far more ... happening ... if you catch my drift 🤣

anyways, apologies for the silence again - uni has been absolutely kicking my butt and I'm lowkey on the verge of burnout but we'll pull through !!!

hope you enjoy the chapter 🥺❤️

Jungkook sits across from Jennie when it happens.

“What the—?”

“We need to talk.” Jimin glares, hand already grabbing him by the collar when he tugs Jungkook out of his seat. He doesn’t bother to send Jennie a look of acknowledgment, though he doubts she’s at any fault. He was only there for one thing and the subject of his disdain only looks perplexed and confused.

“Can we do this later?” Jungkook huffs, gesturing between his body and Jennie’s. She’s blinking at the interaction, then picks up her purse to shoot the two boys a half-hearted smile.

“I think I know what you needed to say,” She smiles. Then she looks over to Jimin who’s still glaring down at the younger boy, “Good luck.”

Her wish only makes Jungkook gulp, but he can more or less guess what Jimin is dragging him by collar about.

When he manages to ruffle his clothes back into position and sees the angry slope of Jimin’s back, he takes a deep breath. Jimin was by no means a terrifying person on average, in fact, he was quite debatably one of the most pleasant people anyone could know.

But Jimin was loyal and he stuck by the people he cared about with all his heart. He’d fight and he’d defend them till the end of time, and you were no different. Especially since the two of you grew up with each other, Jimin seeing you grow from an inquisitive toddler to the intelligent woman you were today—Jimin would die to protect you.

So when Jimin shuffles through his backpack to hand Jungkook a pack of ice, he can only stare at the cold object in the palm of his hands.

“What is this—?”

“You’ll need it.” Jimin deadpans, then he’s rolling up his sleeves.

“I thought we were talking?” Jungkook asks with a raised brow.

“We are,” Jimin retorts, eyes unblinking when he stares the younger boy down with a heavy-lidded gaze, “After I beat your ass for fucking _____ over.”

Jungkook opens his mouth, ready to defend but Jimin’s resolute glare only makes him cower in submission. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that there was no way he could get a word in even to meekly apologise because when Jimin had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t stop until that goal was achieved.

And it seems that Jimin’s goal was to give Jungkook a physical reminder on why he shouldn’t fuck with the things or people he loved.

“Let me take off my jacket,” Jungkook mutters, defeated.

After multiple shoves against the wall and a generous swing to his cheek, Jungkook is begrudgingly holding the ice-pack against his bruising face.

Jimin doesn’t look apologetic when the two of them sit side-by-side on the sidewalk, or even when Jungkook’s lip busted open. He knew Jungkook could take it, he was twice his size. Even more so, Jungkook knew Jimin had every reason to act the way he did.

“Thanks for the ice pack, by the way,” Jungkook says sarcastically, wincing when he moves his mouth a little too much.

Jimin doesn’t gratify him with a response, instead levels a stare so menacing that it could send anyone running. But Jungkook’s done a bit too much of that recently; so he stays, braces himself for the words that were to leave Jimin’s lips.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook sighs, scrunching his face before tossing the ice pack aside. He supposed that it was nearly useless, nearly melting into a puddle that drips down his arm uncomfortably.

“I don’t know,” Jungkook confesses softly.

“You’ve got a set of nerves on you if you thought it was ever okay to say the shit you did to her, let alone a human being.” Jimin frowns, pulling Jungkook but his collar so that he’d look at him.

Jimin’s face is permanently etched into a scowl, but Jungkook already knows he’s fucked up. The constant reminder of you turning to different directions whenever you’d spot him was enough to hurt more than a punch to the face.

“I know.” Jungkook whispers, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Do you, Jungkook?” Jimin spits, glaring down at the boy who remains helpless under his grasp, “I told you to not fuck with her and you deliberately went against what I said.” His reminder is vicious and quiet, a hiss in the wind that blows.

Jungkook hears it loud and clear, “I know,” He exasperates, still as frustrated with himself as he was with the entire situation, “I know.” He repeats, more defeatedly.

Jimin shoves Jungkook back by releasing his grip around the collar that he nearly stumbles. But Jungkook catches himself just barely when Jimin rises to his feet, looking down at his younger friend like he was a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoes.

“Why?” Jimin asks after a beat of silence.

Jungkook purses his lips. He knows why, but he still can’t bring himself to say it. Not when he knows he’s fucked up and Jimin is rightfully furious. He knows Taehyung knows at this point too, there was nothing that Jimin knew that Taehyung didn’t. It was just that Jimin was the more confrontational one where Taehyung was passively aggressive with his anger.

“I …” Jungkook trails off weakly, standing up to reach Jimin’s height but despite his friend being taller, his presence was already intimidating enough.

“You doing that shit with her was one thing, because if it was consensual I’d go on my merry way,” Jimin sneers, poking a firm finger into Jungkook’s chest, “But you had to go and poke at her insecurities to hurt her. On purpose. That’s where you fucked up. Royally.”

Jungkook blinks, intently listening and observing the way Jimin’s chest rises and falls with every breath he heaves.

“It’s taking everything in me not to smear your reputation on campus for the shit you did,” Jimin’s eyes flutters shut and his voice is threatening. Jungkook’s eyes widen, but he still remains quiet, “But against my better conscience, you’re my friend. And I’m so fucking disappointed in you.” Jimin croaks like he’s conflicted.

And for the first time ever since the conversation started, Jungkook feels bad for Jimin; specifically. He knew that it was difficult to defend your friend while berating another, and he hated himself for putting him into a difficult position. It was an internal dispute that Jimin and Taehyung would have to face between holding Jungkook accountable and leaving him to dust.

There was history, between the four of you. But there was unseen history between Jimin and Jungkook that you and Taehyung hadn’t seen, and Jungkook’s always regarded Jimin as an older brother, honorific aside.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers.

Jimin looks up, glaring at the apology like he’s sworn at him.

“I can’t believe you.” He sneers, barring his teeth intimidatingly while Jungkook swallows.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook looks down at his feet, and for a moment he feels like a child being scolded but he knew that children would never say anything as vicious as he did, unless they were a product of their environments.

Jungkook still can’t justify his words, or why he said them. But a deep part of his recognises that it was his insecurities peeking through and him weaponising a weapon powerful enough to shoot himself dead.

“This isn't my apology to accept,” Jimin says sternly, “But even if it was—I could never forget what you said to her, Jungkook.”

Jungkook nods, eyes still cast downwards.

“What does this …” he trails off, finally looking up to see Jimin carding a hand through his hair in exasperation and a pinched expression marring his face, “Where does this leave us?’

Jimin knows Jungkook’s asking about the state of their friendship together.

But the anger is blinding and overwhelming, so instead; he tosses his backpack over his shoulder before turning on his heel, head looking back ever so slightly to level Jungkook with a final gaze intense enough to speak for itself.

“Here,” Jimin declares, gesturing to the abandoned ice pack, the bruised cheek and knuckles, “Until you decide to get your shit together, I need time away from you. If not, I’m going to do something that ____ would hate and I don’t want to hurt her any more than you already have.”

The words are sharp, targeted and venomous. But Jungkook recognises he deserves it. He also doesn’t bother fighting back when Jimin finally leaves, leaving Jungkook to bask in his own, clouded thoughts.

“Why are your knuckles bruised?” Is the first thing you ask Jimin when you see him storming towards you and Taehyung in the library.

Taehyung is aware while you blissfully aren’t.

“None of your business,” Jimin shoots back, but then he’s tugging you out of your seat to hug you.

Your eyes widen, “Jimin?”

When he pulls away, his eyes soften.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Taehyung nods and your head is spinning in confusion when you stare between the two boys with furrowed brows.

“Tell you what?”

“Jungkook.” Taehyung answers, eyes boring a hole into your skull.

At the mention of his name, you freeze in Jimin’s grasp as you stare at the both of them with wide eyes.

“How did you know—?”

Jimin frowns, releasing you so that you’re all able to take a seat in a specific corner of the library. You dryly note to yourself that you realise that every one of your conflicting moments of confrontation occurred in this place. Maybe it was about time for a change of scenery.

“Yena,” Taehyung tells you, and you scowl—nearly cussing her out in your mind but you know that your anger wasn’t warranted.

Especially when Jimin reaches out to grab your hand when he notices you looking down at your lap.

“How do you think it felt for us when we had to find out from someone else that you’ve been going through a hard time?” He asks softly, looking at you so gently that your lip nearly trembles.

For the longest time, Jimin and Taehyung were like older brothers that doted on you as much as they could. They took care of you and made sure that you knew your worth ever since the three of you were children. And for that, you could never be more thankful for their presence.

So you understand their hurt, and it makes you feel guiltier when you see Taehyung quietly patting your head although his eyes carry a sadness that only came from a friend withholding information from you.

“I …” You croak.

“You didn’t need to tell us why,” Taehyung reassures gently, “Just wanted to be here for you. For whatever reason, it may be.”

You stare down at your lap even harder and blink away the tears that only came with guilt.

“I’m sorry.” You say so meekly that it comes out as a squeak.

“Please don’t apologise. We just want to be here for you,” Jimin says sadly, squeezing your hand tighter even if you weren’t going to look at him. He doesn’t push you to do so.

“I didn’t want to make things complicated.” You confess softly, fiddling with the thumb on your free hand.

Taehyung scowls, “_____, you know that whatever it is, Jimin and I will try our best to remain as objective as possible but Jungkook said things to you that we're absolutely not okay and as both of your friends, we have a responsibility to hold him accountable.”

You purse your lips, nearly pouting. It’s as if Jimin reads your mind, where a million thoughts run through it, he pulls you closer so that he can properly hug you. Even if the position is a little weird and Taehyung has to bend his arm at a weird angle to be able to hug you too, you feel comforted.

“Don’t be mad at him.” You whisper softly into the material of Taehyung’s shirt.

Jimin snorts, “I release my anger in a healthy manner.”

Your eyes glance down at his knuckle suspiciously but he tugs it away when he notices your wandering eyes.

Taehyung sighs, caressing your hair softly. “We have every right to be angry with him, _____. What he did and said was unacceptable.” He informs you firmly.

You pull away slightly from their hold to furrow your eyebrows, “I know but—”

“You do know,” Jimin says softly, “And we know that you don’t like other people fighting your battles for you so we’ll step out of it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t personally be disappointed in what Jungkook did. He’s our friend too and if he did that to anyone else, we’d still be mad. We’re just extra mad because it’s you and we’re your best friends.”

You dip your head, letting out a sigh of acknowledgement.

“Just … let me talk to him.” You say, and Taehyung raises a brow at the shift in your tone, “This is something I need to do for myself. I appreciate you guys, I really do. But I don’t want things to be weird because of what we did.”

You can tell Jimin is about to argue with you, but Taehyung shoots him a look that shuts him up immediately.

“If that’s what you want.” Taehyung smiles gently at you.

Jimin clenches his jaw, clearly the more displeased one between the two. But he swallows it by clenching his fist and patting your head, shooting you a concerned stare mask in a slight glare.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod, “Very.”

Jimin nibbles on his lips as if deep in thought before pulling away completely, leaning into his chair.

“If you insist,” He sighs, “But Jungkook did get what he deserved.”

You shrug, “I mean I don’t think avoiding him was the worst thing to do, but I guess you’re right.”

Jimin blinks.

Then Taehyung and he are sharing a look familiar enough for you to know only comes out when they did something wrong or were caught causing trouble.

You raise a brow, “Am I missing something?”

Jimin shoots you a reassuring smile and you miss the shift of Taehyung’s eyes to the fist that wraps around your shoulder.

“Nothing at all.”

You [21:09]: hi jungkook

You [21:24]: can we talk? my door's open if you're free.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook angst #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jeon jungkook #jungkook series

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

#my spn thoughts #spn meta #dean and john #dean and sam and john #dean and chuck #dean and god #spn 11x20 #spn 11x21 #spn 14x20 #spn 12x22 #et alii #spn #long post

[butwhatifidothis]

Capn’s fic is the only fic that I’ve read that makes me physically ill. That is a feat because I love horror stories. I’ve watched and read the sickest goriest stuff but it never made me feel bad. It was done to satisfy my curiosity of the bizarre and mysterious darkness presented by the unknown or humanity.

The problem with Capn’s that made it so sickening is its presentation. With horror stories, the evil acts are framed just as that. Evil. There is no sugarcoating even if you are the protagonist. You are wrong and you must be stopped or escaped from. Most of the victims’ perverted, creative, and colorful deaths are not comeuppance but terrible pitiful misfortunes.

Capn’s presentation, and Edelstans’ reception, of the fic sickens me because they make something horrific into a love story. The framing is not of condemnation but adoration. And the adoration is absolute. There is no room allowed for other interpretations or hesitations anywhere in the story. It’s scary. It’s cult-like.

The closest horror I can compare the fic to is, surprisingly, the movie Midsommar. The difference is Midsommar always implies that what is happening is not right and disturbing - the protagonist and the watchers are being indoctrinated into a cult. Capn’s fic never does that and it’s terrifying how many believe him through his sock puppet in the fic - Edelgard.

Lovecraftian stories are pretty close to what he had done but the protagonists there always experience decay in their person. Their flaws are emphasized and never sugarcoated. There is awareness and horror at how far they have fallen with their wretched acts. There’s nothing as such in Capn’s fic.

I’m so sorry for ranting here in a way that barely makes sense. I’m just so upset with what he had done to my fave Dedue. Then there’s the “grand” reveal of his story twist. It’s just too much. Never thought I’d hate an author so much since my tolerance for fuckups is pretty high but here we are.

---

No problem about the ranting, I don’t mind!

I’m also a pretty big fan of horror, which is part of why the presentation of the fic is something I focus on a lot. Unreliable Narrator, the idea of the bad guy getting what they want still being portrayed as an explicitly bad thing, fucked up morals and beliefs being portrayed as fucked up, etc. etc., that’s shit I’ve seen plenty of times, and this fic isn’t it. It justifies the protagonist’s terrible actions and casually throws around a lot of bigoted ideas of men, women, those with mental health issues, relationships, race, etc. without ever acknowledging the bigoted nature of the ideas. 

This fic can have a big scary angry uncontrollable POC man get suddenly and brutally murdered by a white woman because he was going to destroy the body of the tiny pure innocent defenseless dictator warmonger white girl within it without ever taking a step back at the scene and going “Hm, maybe I’m using well-known racial stereotyping that has been used against POC men for at minimum multiple decades, maybe I should rework this scene to not have that.” It's never acknowledged.

This fic can have a young man and an older woman with heavily stigmatize mental health issues be violent, unreasonable ticking time bombs that blow up constantly at slight provocations without ever going back and thinking “Hm, maybe this is a very stereotypical and reductionist depiction of people who go through these mental health issues, maybe I should go over my characterization of them again and make sure I write them more respectfully.” This is accepted as the canon personality to many, many people in the fandom in regards to Rhea, and a non-insignificant amount of people in regards to Dimitri. Also Dimitri doesn’t actually have mental illness apparently

That’s just two things! And this is what people find to be an accurate retelling of 3H, when none of this is in there! If this were truly Unreliable Narrator, then Edelgard and Byleth’s POV wouldn’t be taken as objective fact - they’d be far more critically analyzed to make sure that they do indeed match up with what’s actually happening. That’s not what Edelstans are doing though! Edelgard says it, so it must be true - what’s unreliable about that??  They gobble it up and expect everyone else to do the same and get mad when people go “but that didn’t happen tho” and it’s like... cool, glad this is where the fandom’s at

#submission #anon #exqueuese me princess #o captain my captain #the presentation of this fic is so bad #''Edelgard is an Unreliable Narrator but also everything she says is right'' like WHAT?? #everything is just shat out with no critical thought put into how he's writing everything #and like I said one or two of these things can be fine by themselves #but it KEEPS happening #and then there are moments like Dedue's execution which is just so blatantly terrible

[sadistgalore]

Chapter 15: Luther's Brilliant Fucking Plan

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Taglist: @tropes-for-my-md-daydreams, @whumptakesthecake

Please let me know if you would like to be added/removed from the taglist.

CW: dehumanization, pet whump, lady whump, captivity whump, referenced torture (branding and burning), hair pulling/grabbing, referenced noncon, blackmailing, death threats, multiple whumpers, multiple whumpees, manhandling, shock collars, infidelity, creepy/intimate/delusional/sadistic/possessive whumper(s), noncon touching, noncon kissing, stabbing, implied torture/noncon

“So, how was she?” Dark asked as he sat down in the chair opposite Luther on the couch, both of their pets kneeling next to them.

He had returned from Maryland not even five minutes ago, giving a short greeting to his friend and a heartfelt kiss to his housewife.

“Oh, she was wonderful, Ed. You trained her well,” Luther said with a shit eating grin.

Dark chuckled, pleased that his defiant pet behaved so well for his best friend. Her hands were twisting and pulling the fabric of her dress, but he couldn’t care less at the visible discomfort on her face.

“I’ve noticed she has a few more scars than when I left her, including a brand,” he said in a low voice, face in a scowl once he stared at the designed burn on her right arm.

Luther didn’t look the least bit threatened at his friend’s dangerous tone. “Believe me, it was justified. She made a new friend,” he said in a mocking tone before harshly pulling at his pet’s hair.

Killian gasped as his scalp was pulled, every instinct telling him to sit still, though. His arms had healed fairly well, but the burns on his face would be deeply scarred for a while, if not forever.

“I see he had his own share of punishment as well,” Dark added, looking at the boy’s scarred face and arms.

“Your girl tried to feed him against my permission, then her defiance rubbed off on him. But I had them under my control soon enough,” Harper forced down a whimper as she recalled the horrific week of rape and torture she had spent with the man, who wasn’t sharing even a fraction as he should have with her captor. But she knew better than to say anything.

She then felt hands gripping her chin, taking her out of her thoughts. “Harper, did he touch you at all like the way I do?”

The girl swallowed as she stared at the familiar and possessive look on her captors face, before fearfully glancing over at the man on the couch. Luther’s face was emotionless, but she knew his mind was threatening her if she dared to tell the truth.

The kitty had finally stopped crying, knees tucked up to her chest on the bed. She and the dog, who was still tied to the chair, were staring at each other, regret in the dog’s and anger in the other.

“I’m gonna tell him, as soon as he gets back,” the kitty promised, throat scratchy and raw by the night they had shared together.

The man finished zipping his pants and rolled his eyes, not bothered to talk as he reached down to grab his shirt off the floor.

Kitty painfully sat up, pissed that he wasn’t paying attention to her. “I’m serious. He’s the only one allowed to rape me, he told you-”

Doggy screamed as his shock collar was set off yet again. Master grabbed his hair painfully, forcing him to look at Kitty.

“He. Is. Mine. Like you are Edward’s. Ed can do whatever the fuck he wants to do with you when I’m gone, just like I can do whatever the fuck I want to do with him. No one will care if I kill him, understand? If I even suspect that Edward knows what happened here tonight, and what will continue to happen, your precious little Ian is going to have a long and painful death. Understand?”

Kitty didn’t respond, just let out a small sob and rolled back over on the bed. The man smiled as he let go of the dog’s hair, walking out of the bedroom leaving two broken pets behind.

Harper breathed out, trying to not give away the emotion on her face, for Killian’s sake. “No, just the brand and a few beatings, Master. I was good for him just like you told me to.” It was forced, she knows, but best not to make him angry when he just got back.

Dark smiled, patting her head. “Very good girl. Sorry for the accusation, Lou, you know how I get about my pets.”

Luther laughed. “No worries, Ed. Besides, I would never dream of touching her.”

Killian’s heart dropped as he stared at the girl, watching her try so hard to keep a straight face and not tell what really happened.

All for him.

Dark changed the subject matter quickly. “Anyways, did you hear the news? Helene’s going away to Philadelphia for three weeks.”

Harper looked up confused. Helene? As in Congresswoman Helene McKinley? Beth’s boss?

“Really?” Luther questioned. “She never leaves DC.”

“Had to take care of a personal matter. She ensured the subject will be one of ours soon.”

“Very good. What does that leave you then?”

“I was thinking of taking Harper back to my base again,” Dark started, fingers flowing through his pet's raven hair to keep himself calm. “Possibly my manor, but you know how my gang loves to talk. And with how often Noah comes around, he’ll be sure to share my new pet with Noami. I’m afraid it’s too much of a risk to my marriage to take her anywhere but here.”

Luther chuckled. “Noami will never stop running her mouth to Helene if she finds out. ‘Helene did you hear? Your Edward found himself another slut to fuck behind your back! If you don’t murder his ass right now, I will do it for you!’” He finished the imitation with a smile, but Harper couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not when she stared at him.

Dark laughed at the scene, but continued. “Unfortunately, coming here to Delaware constantly prevents me from running my base in DC. I can’t let her be another one of my one-offs, she’s,” the man stopped to grasp her chin again, thumb running over her lip, “Special.”

Luther sat in silence for a moment, then spoke up as if a lightbulb had just casted a light over his head. “How about taking her to my building? The top floor is a private penthouse that I only have access to, with tons of rooms and space for you two to live. You’ll be easily able to travel between your base and there, and I could watch her while you’re gone!”

Watch her while you’re gone. Harper wished she had the nerves to scream her protests against the idea. But in reality, which one is the lesser of two evils? A sadistic man who sees her as nothing but a kitty, or a delusional man who sees her as a housewife that he can kill at any moment?

Dark scratched her chin, pondering the idea. Killian stared blankly ahead, a distant part of him hoping his Master’s idea would work; maybe he could see Harper more.

“You know, Lou, I think I’ll take your deal,” Edward said after a moment of silence. “Are you sure it’s not a problem for you?”

Luther waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. I barely use it anyways. You can even use it after Helene comes back or for as long as you need.”

“Thank you, Luther,” Dark said with a genuine smile, not the creepy one he always uses on Harper. “I owe you one.”

Luther nodded, scratching his pet's hair one last time before getting up. “Well, I should be getting back. Give me a call when you’re coming, and I’ll be sure to sneak you in.”

Dark got up as well, going out to shake his friend's hand. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Luther. We’ll be there by tomorrow evening.”

You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Beth.

Luther shook back with a smile. “Oh, I know. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you.”

I know, Harp. Now come on, we gotta catch the bus to get back home.

How do I get back home to you, Beth?

“Come on, Kill.” Killian rushed to get up, back hunched as he stood next to his master. As Dark walked towards the door to open it for him, Luther quickly turned around towards Harper, his dangerous gaze vastly different from his friendly one just a minute ago.

“If you say anything, I’ll kill him,” Luther whispered, hand gripping Killian’s neck as he raised an eyebrow at Harper.

Harper gave a slight nod, staring at Killian before mouthing, Goodbye, Ian.

The boy swallowed against the tight hold. Goodbye, Harper.

Luther rolled his eyes and pushed the boy towards the door, giving Dark one final goodbye before leaving. The said man closed and locked the door, loosening his tie as he walked back to his pet.

Harper’s instincts were screaming at her to run away from his predatory walk, but she stayed kneeling before her hair was harshly grabbed and she was pulled to her feet. “Oh, darling,” Dark said with a sick smile. ”It’s been so long since I’ve heard you scream.”

The pain on her scalp was relieved just before she was thrown across the room, back hitting the couch before falling to the floor. She shakingly looked up, expecting anger from her captor, but all she saw was lust. The extreme lust to hurt her.

Harper whimpered, lips trembling as she moved back until she hit the TV stand behind her. Why did this have to be her life? She was a good person- she was a detective for God’s sake. She devoted her life to searching for her brother who everyone said was dead. She worked to expose the most dangerous and corrupt people in her city with her best friend. And now she was a fucking pet for one of them, the same man that ruined her life seven years ago.

The girl heaved in before she broke down sobbing, her fight leaving as her reality came crashing down. The previous discussion was two sick men talking about moving her, so no one will know where she is. Or even alive. And if she wasn’t useful to him anymore, she would die.

Dark cooed as he kneeled down, fingers brushing the hair out of her face. “Oh, sweetheart, I know. You’re just so excited to see me. Don’t worry, I’ll make up for all the time we missed.”

Harper couldn’t even plead for mercy before her vision partially blacked out. Her head erupted in pain as it was slammed into the stand behind her. Through the fog that formed in her vision, she felt herself be laid down on the ground, and a heavy weight be placed on her waist.

She heard a murmur from above her. “Daddy missed his toy.” Dark’s face leaned down, lips trailing her neck. She felt his breath on her face that smelled of tobacco. Then she was forced to listen to her shirt being ripped open.

The man kissed her lips, passionately and with emotion that shouldn’t come from a man like him. His tongue slid in, trailing her gums and teeth and making sure to consume every part of her. Harper suddenly screamed when a knife was plunged into her shoulder, shrills and pleas being drowned out by the kiss as the knife dug deeper into her skin.

Dark pulled back, stomach filling with joy as he saw the tears cover her face, his finger going to trace the wound in blood. He made sure to coat himself in it before touching her face again, smearing her own blood there. He smiled maniacally as Harper’s scream almost shook the room when his thumb dug into the wound, every movement causing her face to contort in unbearable pain.

She’s never looked so beautiful.

“I love you, Evie,” he said before hungrily kissing the girl on the floor again, screams never stopping as she writhed under the man who would never let her go.

---

Nic almost fell off his chair as he heard a knock on his front door. His hair was a mess, eyes sunken and colored due to many sleepless nights, and clothes that had not been changed since five days ago. He scrambled to open it, seeing the familiar blonde and curly hair of the secretary.

“Beth,” Nic said in almost disbelief. From their falling out yesterday, he had figured she wouldn’t want to see him at all. But the girl looked at him with a sudden determination he had not seen the previous day.

“Let’s find Harper and expose these fucking bastards.”

Nic smiled and stepped back to let her in. “After you, Mrs. Carrien.”

#whump #whump community #whump blog #whump fic #whump writing #whump tropes #lady whump #whumpee #whumper #lady whumpee #male whumper #multiple whumpees #multiple whumpers #dehumanisation tw #pet whump #captivity whump #tw referenced branding #tw referenced burning #referenced torture #implied torture #noncon kissing #noncon touching #implied noncon #referenced noncon tw #hair grabbing #manhandling #blackmailing #death threats #shock collars #infedelity

[thegeminisage]

Here's something I'd love your take on: I read a meta recently (would link it but I can't remember where, ack) that suggested that Sam is able to forgive John in later seasons because a) he's had the whole "family making unilateral decisions for your own good" thing repeatedly shoved down his throat, and b) whatever John did under this umbrella in their childhoods, Dean has done far worse by that point, and Sam HAS to forgive him so by extension he can't really be mad at John anymore (1/2)

(2/2) As someone who has admittedly only seen bits and pieces of the later seasons, this seems to jive with Sam losing a lot of his characteristic early-seasons anger, letting Dean call the shots almost all the time even when he thinks it's the wrong move, and moments of sympathy for John (contrasted w/Dean's growing resentment, which is so interesting!). But! I got some big ol' gaps in my spn comprehension, so was curious if you had any thoughts on this dynamic

wow okay long answer warning! i got carried away and forgot how to use punctuation. nobody is obligated to read all of this lol and the biggest part of the answer is behind a cut. anyway!!

first things first: i think a big thing to remember with sam’s characterization in later seasons is that it’s like...not there, and when it is there, it’s sometimes flat and inconsistent. because dean became sole the main protagonist after the first 8 (arguably the first 5 or even first 2) seasons, sam sort of got demoted to “side character we don’t know what to do with” along with cas and crowley. they all had good arcs pop up now and then (sam had some fun stuff going on with lucifer in s11 and s13) but most of the time the writers either don’t know how to give him a meaningful characterization or don’t care (or both). so we have to do a lot of that work ourselves. 

so, for example, when we talk about sam losing his anger, i like to read it as him OVERCOMING that anger to avoid becoming his father (which may even be where some of the seemingly sympathetic comments come from, because he’s trying to be forgiving instead of angry), but really...it’s that the writers forgot he had anger issues. in-universe explanation vs irl explanation, yk? and i think pretty much all meta about sam in late seasons is written through that lens, whether the writer of that meta knows it or not. including this one! i can’t prove any of this shit, it’s my personal reading, i’m making it up. like there were just SO many different people involved in the production of supernatural that there was a lot of conflict and contradictions in things like continuity and characterization. (most of the writers room hadn’t even seen every episode!) so there’s not one definitive way to go about it. in many ways it makes the characters more nuanced and in many other ways it makes me fucking insane.

as for sam and john and whether or not sam forgives him, i’m actually glad you asked because this has been driving me nuts for a long time and it took me SO LONG to pin it down - sam’s relationship with john is very different to dean’s, and i couldn’t figure out WHY. it’s not that he was “abused less,” it’s not that he loved john less or was less hurt by his actions, so why doesn’t he seem as INVESTED in everything that happened to them as kids? like he says in season 14 he had to learn to let it go and that it was all a lifetime ago for him. meanwhile i think dean still deals with it every day. he’s still stewing in it to some degree 24/7. so like what’s the difference??

i think it comes down to two things. firstly, that while dean didn’t have anybody parenting him except john (and mary, but only for a very short time that he could actually remember), SAM’S parents were john AND DEAN. most of the time dean was the one raising sam, and in fact he arguably did way more parenting of sam than john did. so the person that made dean feel safe and like he could fight back against monsters, the person he was grateful to, was john. but the person who made SAM feel safest was dean. he doesn’t have that same gratitude towards john that dean does and he never will, because of how john made him feel alienated and excluded from their family growing up. dean’s resentment of john is so tangled up in this very deep and unconditional love and gratitude for him that sam just doesn’t have. 

secondly, i think dean has a serious case of “i can fix him” re: john that sam doesn’t have and possibly never had. john just never showed sam the same kind of inclusion and warmth and trust that he showed dean (however rarely he showed it, and however fucked up it was). i think sam figured out very very early on that their quest for yellow eyes was either a long shot or straight up impossible, and that they couldn’t waste their entire lives doing it, and that even if the demon died, john was never going to change. dean 100% drank the koolaid - he really truly believed in a world where someday they’d kill the demon and all retire from the life and be normal and be a family again, because that’s what john said and dean took his father’s word as gospel. sam knew better.

so i think what sam did was just disengage. partially because he felt he couldn’t afford to nurse that kind of anger and not become either his father or lucifer, and partially because even though sam loved john, still loves john, he never needed him the way dean did, because sam had dean. so it doesn’t hurt him as much to just “gray rock” it. i think if sam stopped and really dug into it he’d find that he’s still quite angry (probably more angry on dean’s behalf than his own, at least at first, because in his mind he was able to move past it and dean was not, dean had it worse, HIS OWN trauma isn’t real etc etc), but he doesn’t do that because he doesn’t want to be that angry, and possibly even thinks that if he brought it up dean would jump to john’s defense and it would cause a fight, which the opposite of what a gray rock does.

as for being forced to forgive john because if he didn’t he would also have to condemn dean...i don’t think i buy that at all. sam is fine making dean his exception and he allows dean to get away with a lot of deeply horrible shit he would condemn other people for. partially because he’s dean and sam loves him, but in my ~personal reading~ of sam, this is also because once sam became an adult the weight of everything dean did and had to give up to raise him really sank in, and part of him felt guilty (even though sam arguably didn’t have a childhood either). you know how kids take care of their parents in old age to repay them for raising them? that’s sort of how sam is with dean in later seasons - he implies multiple times that he would leave the hunting life forever and not look back if it weren’t for dean.

and as a side note - sorry, this is only tangentially related - dean implies several times in later seasons that the job is where he finds his sense of accomplishment and self-esteem and meaning - he believes the world is a better place because of what he and sam do, and even though he doesn’t always like DOING the job, he likes the outcome. it’s weird because this is as close as we see dean get to even HAVING self esteem. sam, emotionally intelligent, would have picked up on that - and since he and dean have both tried to leave the life multiple times and have always come to regret it, i also think part of sam believes you CAN’T escape - certainly SAM could never escape so long as dean was still in it, because whether he meant to or not dean would always pull him back in. and part of dean doesn’t really want to escape because he’s made his peace with it. so sam stays, and i think even if he can’t find the same meaning in the job that dean does, he finds a lot of meaning in being there for dean. (this, like gray rocking, is also consistent with the seasons where sam’s sole character trait is caring about dean lol. but i’m happy enough to read it in a kinder and less bitter/resentful way.)

it IS worth noting i think that the most forgiving sam ever was about john was in the adam episode, where he said he understood why he was the way he was and why he did what he did, and when dean said they were alike sam decided to take it as a compliment. sam in season 4 is arguably at one of his lowest points - struggling with addiction, consumed by anger and hatred and the need for revenge. he WAS like john in many ways, and i think he justified what john was doing because it also justified what HE was doing. but what he was doing led to breaking lucifer out of hell and the apocalypse that followed, which is why i like to think sam worked so hard to reign in his anger afterward - both to avoid his fate and avoid becoming his father.

in short: i don’t think sam has actually forgiven john so much as disengaged from him and moved past it. because if he DID engage with it, it’d bring up a whole lot of stuff he didn’t feel prepared to deal with. one of the risks of gray rocking things is doing it to the point that you lose touch with your own wants and needs and personality, so i think by late seasons sam’s repression, which is much more sneaky and quiet than dean’s, has settled in to the point where he’s like “yeah whatever” about dad out of sheer self preservation - because otherwise, he’d end up going crazy about it like dean does. i think it’d do him a hell of a lot of good to be able to get to shout at john and finally say his piece/ he’s really afraid of his own anger, but i think it’d be healthy for him to get back in touch with some of it.

[spn masterpost]

#liz answers asks #bimbonaparte #sam winchester #john winchester #liz makes stuff #liz's spn stuff #liz's meta #whew this was a long one sorry. #i am so glad you have the same icon on tumblr and ao3 i was replying TO YOUR COMMENT when i got this ask <3 #fun cool coincidences!!!!! #anyway i didn't want to mention my fic but like this is why i had him yell in my fic. it's good for him #for himself and for dean he deserves to feel angry

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls

Oh no.

Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.

Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus. 

Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.

Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.

I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.

Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.

What do I mean by that?

Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them. 

The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth. 

With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.

Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid. 

With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.

Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns. 

During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.

That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.

So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.

As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions. 

I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.

We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).

Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.

The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy. 

When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate? 

Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”

I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood. 

Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.

Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.

Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years. 

That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy. 

Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up. 

So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.

#harry potter #head canons #regulus black #sirius black #remus lupin #severus snape #ask #anon

[quackinquack]

Recap and Theories of Quackity’s Second Lore Stream

         1. Sam (72 hours before the visit)

So after the first cutscene which basically shows us that Quackity has been visiting Dream daily, we get to find out what was going on with Sam in the time between Tommy's death and revival. So we find Sam on an island in the middle of nowhere, where he's been overcome by grief and guilt over Tommy's death. Quackity and Sam talk, and eventually it gets to Quackity telling Sam it wasn't his fault that Tommy died, it's entirely Dream's fault. He continually escalates the situation in order to convince Sam to kill Dream with him, and in this conversation you can interpret Quackity as being sometimes genuine and caring or continuously manipulative (Although personally, I think it’s both). 

They leave the island in a rage, ready to kill Dream. Only for Sam to back out once they get to the prison. Sam says Tommy would want him to keep Dream locked up, and that if someone else dies, Dream is the only one who can do anything about it. At this point, Quackity lashes out at Sam for backing out, and claims that Sam can redeem himself by killing Dream. Sam, in my opinion, does want to kill Dream, and does hold a great amount of resentment and malice towards him, but is holding back mainly to respect Tommy’s wishes. 

An important exchange to end this conversation is: 

"It's okay if you don't want to do it Sam. But at one point or another, someone's gonna have to teach that guy a fucking thing or two. And if it's not you Sam, it's gonna be me.” 

"Okay, but we can't kill him."

So this is obviously a prelude to Quackity and Sam in the first lore stream. Now that Tommy has been brought back and Quackity has seen him, he has confirmation that Dream can revive people, making him valuable. Quackity manipulates Sam into letting him torture Dream by playing into his guilt over Tommy's death, as well as exacerbating his anxiety over something similar happening again in the future. He has already convinced Sam that Dream's death will be the only way to his own mental peace, even if he simultaneously feels it's his responsibility to keep him alive in order to abide by Tommy’s wishes. This also explains why during the exchange, Quackity reassures Sam multiple times that he won’t kill Dream.

Along with Tommy’s wishes, they still have another hangup: Dream is the only one capable of revival. So it makes sense that Sam is so willing to help and allow Quackity to torture Dream daily. Once he learns how to revive, Dream no longer holds any value or power. Not saying Quackity is gonna kill him after, butttt....remember that Quackity didn't actually sign any of the papers Sam gave to him when he first visited the prison...kind of indicates that when something goes wrong, Sam won't be able to hold Quackity responsible because Quackity never actually agreed to his terms. And whatever happens to Dream will fall on Sam’s shoulder.

(Sidenote: This also brings up a few questions and theories about revival. Depending on the rules of revival and what it requires, is it possible to revive oneself? Because I do have some theories about Dream visiting Schlatt in the afterlife after killing and reviving himself...)

So mainly for this chapter we get to understand their motives a bit better, we get a greater insight into Sam's character and his guilt, and we learn more about Sam and Quackity's relationship. Personally, I think Sam trusts and cares for Quackity, as exemplified by him worrying over Quackity being in a cell with Dream, as well as not checking that he signed the books. And I think Quackity does care somewhat for Sam...but not enough to not guilt him over Tommy's death so he can torture Dream. (More confirmation that Quackity is an 'ends justify the means' type of character now!)

        2. Badboyhalo (42 hours before the visit)

Okay this chapter revealed the most about potential future plots imo! Quackity digs down to the egg and places a bunch of TNT everywhere, only to be interrupted by Bad and Punz. We learn that Quackity wants the egg gone because of how it's affecting Bad - I believe Quackity wants Bad on the side of Las Nevadas, but only once the egg is gone. From their conversation a bit ago on Bad's stream, we know that Quackity thinks of Bad highly, but is also fully prepared to 'get in his way' if need be. In the end, Quackity does set off the TNT, and then we get a cutscene of him hazily walking through the area with the egg speaking to him. It says "how dare you try to take this one from me, you will suffer for this". 

Also, apparently during his conversation with George, he says 'what the egg', so some are theorizing that he's already been taken by the egg (throwback to Karl distracting Quackity away from the egg in the past, indicating in some future he was taken).

And another thing, Quackity has been shown the egg before (not sure if it was /rp though), but he went through the usual entrance. Which has led some to wonder how Quackity knew where to dig down to reach the egg, and if there's someone who leaked that info to him? I've also seen people say that the TNT near Punz seemed to go off first, so some are theorizing that Punz is maybe a traitor(?) though I don't know too much about Punz's character so take that with a grain of salt. I would also like to theorize that the traitor may actually be Fundy, considering one of his lore streams where he is chased down by a black figure, and once he sleeps there is Quackity's smile and casino sounds. Plus him being warned against Quackity in a book. 

Additionally: we've seen Puffy accidentally blow up a creeper on the egg, and all it did was turn obsidian for a couple seconds. I have a feeling that all that TNT didn't really do anything but upset the egg. That said, we also know Tubbo recently lost a nuke. I wonder if Quackity is attempting to blow up the egg again... 

This is all, of course, a prelude to Quackity and Bad's conversation in the first lore stream, so now we know why Bad seemed pretty hostile to Quackity, and why he essentially said Quackity was 'getting in his way'. (Although he did still visit Las Nevadas with him...) Potential allyship between Las Nevadas and the egg question mark?

        3. George (24 hours before the visit)

Quackity sees George standing outside the prison, and the two have a sweet and happy greeting, as it's been a while since the two talked. Quackity begins talking about Las Nevadas and the casinos (which we learn he built for each member of El Rapids) only to be interrupted by George asking 'what about Kinoko Kingdom?'. We learn that while George, Sapnap, and Karl have moved on from El Rapids already and created Kinoko Kingdom, Quackity has believed it to still be a country, going as far as to create Las Nevadas and casinos for them, and had no idea of even the existence of Kinoko Kingdom. George insists that Karl told him, but we quickly learn he didn't. The meeting ends with Quackity somberly agreeing to maybe visit one day.

Quackity and Sapnap/George/Karl's relationship is now soured a bit on Quackity's end. He doesn't seem angry or hateful to them, but instead unsurprised and saddened at their leaving him behind. (Also, on the wiki, Quackity's relationship sign towards Sapnap and Karl has changed while theirs hasn't towards him.) It seems likely that Karl may have forgotten to tell Quackity due to his memory issues which are a result of his time traveling. Whether that be him just forgetting to tell Quackity, maybe telling a past/future person similar to Quackity, or maybe he has completely forgotten who Quackity even is, is unknown at this point. On the side of him having completely forgotten Quackity though, we do have the fact that Karl has distracted/saved Quackity from the egg in the past, but didn't do so this time…It's also hinted at that Quackity created Las Nevadas as a place for the trio to get married (similar to Las Vegas!) so :( sad face. 

Also, I have no theories on why George was waiting outside the prison, but I'm sure you NotFounders have a couple ideas ;) In terms of Quackity's character, this chapter is him at his most vulnerable and emotional, and therefore provides us with the most insight to his character so far. In the previous lore stream, we saw him somberly take down El Rapids, piece by piece, then jarringly interrupted by his plans to torture dream daily. That cutscene seemed, to me, to be him moving on from El Rapids completely (although he does still seem to care for the El Rapids members). An attempt to both confront and let go of his past.

And the tone change makes me feel that this was very much the last straw for Quackity, and the 'new man' he's become is far less...friendly than he's been in the past. So we saw his moment of acceptance, but now we get to see his heartbreak. And it really is sad, the way he reacts to what is a betrayal in his eyes. He's unsurprised that he was unwanted and forgotten, even by his own fiancés. And I believe that's very much related to Quackity choosing to see Schlatt in the previous lore stream. For a quick recap, basically Quackity and Schlatt had a toxic/abusive relationship during the whole Manberg era. Quackity has, understandably, been very resentful towards Schlatt since. So it makes sense that only in light of being left behind by the people he valued most, does he agree to go and see Schlatt in the first place. Especially since Schlatt is the only person who has reached out first and wanted to see Quackity.

        4. Wilbur (During the Elections)

We get a flashback to the election times, where Quackity and Wilbur have a conversation. 

Quackity asks to genuinely talk with Wilbur, who initially says no, then says he'll try. Quackity says that he understands that Wilbur is trying to protect his people, trying to save his nation, and that he doesn’t hate him or want to overthrow him. He states that none of this is about fighting to him, and that he just believes there is a major difference between him and Wilbur. He states that he likes to see the good in people, and believes that there’s a side to everyone that wants to see a better future, and that’s what’s different between him and Wilbur. He retells his story of coming to L’Manberg, how he felt unwelcome, and that he’ll become president himself just to make sure no one else ever feels unwelcome. 

Wilbur responds with an interesting line, “Your aspirations of optimism are not going to be subject to my nation's security. I'm afraid.” Wilbur claims that everyone has a good side, but that side is only there to help themselves, and if you want to really help people, you're going to need power. He continues to make a speech about how one could make a movement or resistance, and they would be celebrated, but it will change nothing. During this portion of the speech, we see flashbacks of Quackity interacting with Technoblade and Dream.

Wilbur continues to say, that “if you have a revolution, everyone will hate you. You will sacrifice everything, and you will lose everything you've ever had. But you will come back and everything will be changed.” This portion of his speech is aided by flashbacks to Wilbur blowing up Manberg, with Philza in sight. Wilbur continues by saying that power is only gained through swords, steel, violence. Not diplomacy or bureaucracy. 

He continues to say that even if everyone has the good side Quackity claims they have, the only way to prove it is by showing their dark side first, presumably to gain power. He ends with another interesting line, “When I look at you, as a fellow outsider, you're not ready for that.”

There have already been a lot of fantastic takes on what this says about Wilbur’s character, so I’m not going to talk too much about that. I would, however, like to acknowledge that Wilbur was a lot more jaded than I’d noticed, even before the elections. He refers to Quackity as a ‘fellow outsider’, and it seems to me like he sees himself in Quackity, at least when he was younger and more naive. Wilbur, by this point, seems to have already had the revelation that the only way to have any influence on the server, even a positive one, is by first gaining power through violence. Quackity, as we see him now, jaded and hurt so many times, seems to finally agree with Wilbur. And so we end with him leaving a note to Wilbur, calling him a ‘dearest friend’ and saying that he won’t make the same mistake again.

I thoroughly believe that Quackity didn’t actually lose his bet with Schlatt. One reason being that if he did, there is literally nothing forcing him to make good on his word, especially to this extent. And I don’t think Quackity, as he is now, would try nearly as hard as he is to get information on revival just to save Schlatt, of all people. It seems to me that Quackity is actually trying so hard so that he can revive Wilbur. There are only a few people dead at the moment: Schlatt, Mexican Dream, and Wilbur. Quackity does not have a good relationship with Schlatt, he literally didn’t know who Mexican Dream was, and he referred to Wilbur as a ‘dearest friend’. As for why he left the note in that spot, I’m not sure. I mean, it is where Wilbur died, but I wonder if Wilbur, as a ghost, can actually receive the note? 

Additionally: In the very first cutscene of the stream, we see three figures, entirely black, riding on horses. We know that one of those figures chased down Fundy, as well, and Fundy was also warned against Quackity. When Quackity leaves the note for Wilbur, we see him, as a completely black figure, leave on his horse. So we know who one of the figures is, but I wonder who the others are? And what exactly they’re doing that they need to be disguised for? 

++ Random tidbits that I don't know what to do with!

The Red Banquet apparently only needs one more lore stream before it happens, do with this what you will.

Charlie Slimecicle apparently said he's gonna be 'doing some gambling' so. Hm.

Three months ago Techno and Philza arrived on Sam's island, where there was only the cross at the time, and said 'its foreshadowing!' sooo its safe to say they've been planning this for a while.

#awesamdude #quackity #badboyhalo #wilbur soot #dsmp #georgenotfound #i promise they're discussed in depth i'm not just clogging their tags! #quackinquack #yes i've lost my mind. but i'm okay with that #please rb if u enjoy lol i'm not above begging for rbs #i tried very hard to write nicely and break up blocks of words with italics/spaces/bolding

[bigskydreaming]

Couldn't the thing with Jason thinking Dick is infallible from Truth and Justice story come from how he is compared to his brother from Bruce. Even when he was Robin with Dick and Bruce fighting, he was told that Dick was better by Bruce. Then he comes back and is a cautionary tale of what not to and how not to be while Dick and Bruce are now getting along.

I mean yeah, you could go with that take, but I’m always gonna argue that even that is more fanon based than anything else, at least before this issue. We’ve seen a lot of that take in the past already, but truth is, there really isn’t that much basis in older stories for Bruce comparing Jason to Dick. And like I’ve expanded on in the past, younger Jason looked UP to Dick, he certainly didn’t resent him. 

With this being true even when he first came back - Dick was the only one he didn’t target at ALL during Under the Red Hood, and when he did finally meet up with Dick a year later, during the Brothers in Blood arc, it was more to fuck with him than any attempt to take things out on him. Like, that arc gets a lot of shit and deservedly so, but I really do wish more people would at least takeaway from it the fact that in it, JASON referenced still thinking of Dick as family. Which just doesn’t mesh up with all the ‘they barely knew each other/they resented each other’ takes.

Pretty much all the times I can think of when Jason was compared to Dick pre ADITF, it was actually not at all what its usually represented as by most fandom takes, such as the time Jason teamed up with the Titans. For pretty much Jason’s entire tenure as Robin up until the Felipe Garzonas arc, Jason was actually portrayed as perfectly secure in his position of Robin and wasn’t threatened by anyone else’s perception of him at all. Even the arc where he loses it on Two-Face has been kinda amplified to make more of it than it was, like.....Bruce was worried about the anger he expressed there, but that was more out of concern FOR Jason and it wasn’t the “Jason was on the verge of getting fired as Robin all along” kinda narrative we tend to see referenced. 

Jason was only made out to be the angry Robin or the less competent Robin or whatever AFTER his death, which is all kinds of shitty, but like......there’s no real basis for any kind of extended history where Jason resentfully suffered under his big brother’s shadow while Robin. The angry/less competent Robin stuff was all DC retroactively railroading him after the fact to justify their choice to kill him off (which was still their choice no matter the existence of a poll), and its the narrative most people have run with because it amplifies Jason’s existence as the misunderstood and unfairly judged underdog of the family.

Now to be 100% clear, as I’ve said in the past.....there is absolutely no reason you CAN’T go with this take if you don’t want to. Nobody has to abide by canon, or a particular canon and I’ll never argue otherwise. My main point has always just been that the thing about fanfic is that its a transformative process, it enables fans to take canon and transform it into something else.....but here’s the thing....those transformations ALWAYS happen with INTENT. People are deliberate in how and in what ways they transform canon, even if they’re not always CONSCIOUS of that deliberation.....it still exists. None of these transformations just happen, they happen for a reason. Because fans want an end result that’s different from what we saw in canon.

So my thing is always just.....yes, transform canon as you like, for whatever reason. But don’t pretend that those reasons don’t exist, and understand that when people look at a canon to fanon transformation that really only results in one major difference.......they’re gonna assume that this difference, achieving this difference, was for whatever reason, the POINT of the transformation.

And here’s where I also want to express something else: my take has never been that most of fandom just hates Dick Grayson. That they’re consciously, deliberately out to smear him or make him look bad. I think there’s a lot of elements in play with how I perceive fandom’s interactions with him compared to other characters, but more often than not, I think one of the bigger issues with how his character is TRANSFORMED from canon to fanon, is just.......he’s collateral damage. I don’t think in most cases the point is even to make actual transformations of his character or characterization......its to apply these things to people he’s in scene WITH......and he just ends up transformed as well, by proximity.

Take a look at some examples:

1) Dick firing Tim

Except as we’ve gone over multiple times, Dick didn’t actually FIRE Tim. He didn’t neglect him, he didn’t turn his back on him, he could have handled that situation differently, sure, but he had none of the ill intent people assign to him when they typically ramp up how bad this period was for Tim. Dick actually called him his equal, begged him to stay, said he was too GOOD to be Dick’s junior partner........but this is not at all how this moment in canon is generally viewed by a lot of fandom. He comes off looking a TON worse, like he just chose Damian over Tim and discarded Tim first chance he got, he didn’t care how Tim was affected, he kicked Tim out of the manor and out of Gotham.

But the thing is.....I’d argue that none of this TRANSFORMATION from canon really had anything to do with Dick. I don’t actually think that tons of fans were just waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity to make a villain out of Dick and just seized upon this moment as the perfect opportunity. I think it was just all about Tim. It was about accentuating his misery, his aloneness, heightening the whump factor of his character and amplifying the feelings of insecurity, rejection and alienation he was feeling and that people related to.

What happened to Dick’s character in most peoples’ eyes as a result of this transformation, was the symptom, not the point. It was the collateral damage, not the aim.

2) Bruce firing Dick

In contrast, we have more than one canon interpretation of Bruce firing Dick as Robin, with this leading directly into Dick leaving the manor at a fairly young age, keeping his distance from Bruce until he finds out about Jason, Bruce giving Robin to Jason without acknowledging or apologizing for the fact that he was giving away the identity that someone else had crafted and poured their heart and soul into, not him.......but this isn’t how a lot of fandom outside of Dick stans and people who are specifically predisposed towards Bad Dad Bruce like to treat that part of canon.

Here, the transformation is the reverse from what happened with Tim and Dick. Here, the feelings of rejection and alienation and insecurity Dick realistically would have felt during that time are overlooked and even outright invalidated by TRANSFORMING the canon so that actually, this period of extended estrangement is completely disconnected from any version of events where Bruce fired Dick, which he did not do here. And in fact, Dick gave up Robin, he and Bruce had a falling out, and this was mutual and two-sided and thus Dick’s refusal to come home earlier and reconcile with Bruce was not actually him standing up for himself and refusing to settle for being taken for granted and dismissed when convenient but rather just Dick being immature, stubborn and a little spoiled.

But again.....I don’t think that’s the aim so much as a byproduct of the intended end result. Once more, I think that had very little to do with Dick himself, wasn’t about making him look bad specifically....but rather, it was about making Bruce look better. It was transforming the thing he had done in canon which was so hard to defend, ie ignore all of Dick’s feelings on the matter much in the way people accuse Dick of ignoring Tim’s later, and passively rejecting him and refusing to be the first to reach out unlike Dick who actively sought after Tim when he left. Those moments in canon definitively make Bruce look pretty bad, and are hard to reconcile with Good Parent Bruce Wayne, so that is what people are trying to transform. Once again, the way it makes Dick look in contrast is just a symptom.

The further examples are honestly pretty endless.

The aftermath of Forever Evil and Spyral is ignored, transforming Dick into the true villain of that period not because people just want an excuse to hate him, but because they don’t want to or can’t reconcile what Bruce actually did in order to get Dick to act so out of character, or they want to justify Jason and Tim and others’ anger at Dick later rather than have them appear to be inconsiderate assholes just piling on a guy who just had the worst year of his life to date.

The instances of Bruce outright abusing Dick after Jason’s death and at other times like Night of the Owls are ignored, transforming Dick into an impetuous, overly aggressive asshole who isn’t reacting to Bruce’s initial aggression, but rather just popping off the handle because he isn’t being received or treated just the way he likes.

Dick reaching out to Jason and making an offer to be there for him as Robin and later times they interact in Titans as well as any actual bond they build, even if mostly just hinted at off the page....all ignored in favor of transforming Dick into this bitter, jealous jerk who can’t see past his own feelings long enough to realize he’s taking things out on an innocent kid who doesn’t deserve this, even though that’s exactly what he realized and motivated his actual actions towards Jason in canon. And again, its not so much about making Dick worse, its about overlooking the WHYS of Dick’s hurt, turning the focus from what was done to him that justifies him being upset in the first place, to some greater mistreatment he enacts on Jason and thus drowns out any sympathy that people might otherwise have for Dick.

Dick’s periods of brainwashing like under the Church of Blood being overwritten or ignored in order to transform his deliberately out of character attitudes towards his friends and teammates there into just normal outbursts that were part of his characterization rather than signs that something was abnormally wrong with him. Thus turning everyone else’s treatment of him during that time period into again just their part of a two-way street and nothing they had to feel bad about rather than acknowledge that he’d literally not been in full control of himself while they had no such excuse for their behavior.

To be clear.....this kind of thing is NOT limited to just Dick. It tends to happen any time people want to transform a canon event into something more one-sided, to accentuate a particular character’s position as the victim or the misunderstood or neglected party.....or to turn a one-way street into a mutual antagonism, to lessen a particular character’s culpability in some argument or feud. You can absolutely find examples of this same effect applying to every other character in the Batfam as well.

But the reason it happens so often with Dick, and thus every instance of it happening tends to be amplified by the sheer volume of similar situations......is because of convenience. Because ironically, the reason Dick so often looks so bad in fanon’s eyes when it comes to his treatment of his family....is BECAUSE of how Dick is so much more integrated into every one of his family’s lives (and his friends’) than pretty much any other character. He’s the collateral damage to other characters being deliberately transformed in some way purely because he’s the one who almost always is THERE to some degree. Because there’s no one else in the scene that’s being transformed.

And so to bring it all back to your question......I think you absolutely can go with that take. There’s an argument to be made for it, especially now given that this canon issue has actually established a precedent for Jason feeling that way rather than fanon just running with the idea because it makes Jason more maligned. Its still not something that’s ever going to interest me though, even if I can see the reasoning for it, because its not just the fact that this particular dynamic between Dick and Jason has played out thousands of times before in fic, as I said yesterday. Its also because like I laid out here......my bigger issue is that take has absolutely NOTHING to do with Dick himself, says nothing about his character, but his character is inevitably the one who will suffer fallout from that particular take. That dynamic, as you described it, makes sense.....but its entirely, 100% on Bruce or others for raising those comparisons, not because of anything Dick did to Jason himself.....and thus it makes Jason’s dynamic towards Dick MORE a product of other peoples’ reactions and attitudes towards him and his brother respectively.

And that dynamic IS perfectly understandable and valid. But even if its slightly different this time because of more of a canon basis, it still for me falls into the same pattern of Dick being collateral damage to something that’s largely focused on another character entirely, with him and how he’s impacted by extension being kinda an afterthought. 

*Shrugs* And that’s just......a story I’ve read so many many times before, I’m just never gonna be all that engaged by it. 

[dreamteamfanblog]

Controversial Opinion

But I really don’t appreciate Niki’s behavior.

Niki complained about being undervalued while using basically the least valued yet possibly hardest working person on the server (Tommy) as a scapegoat. During her ramble she blamed Tommy for all the worlds problems which is just incredibly unfair. Because Tommy and Tubbo are just the fucking babysitters of the whole Smp. They're constantly protecting and nurturing and looking out for the wellbeing of OTHER PEOPLE. I mean the wars they fight- and they've not only fought in but LEAD every one- aren't for them, Tommy and Tubbo have both acknowledged that they could just set off on their own and live a happy life, they have no big reason to stay! Except that they need to protect the freedom of those around them. Of people who have always been too selfish to appreciate it. Of people who pin the weight of the world on these kids and have the audacity to undervalue everything they do. Niki scapegoating all the worlds problems INCREDIBLY unfair.

And the issue isn't even the hypocrisy itself, i’m not sure we can reasonably even say Niki has been all that undervalued.  Niki never inserted herself into anything important, people acknowledged her when she was there but she was never there and when she was didn't contribute anything almost ever. If she wanted her voice to be heard she had a responsibility to make her voice heard, nobody is obligated to knock on her door every day just to check in and maybe goad an opinion out of her, especially not in the middle of their own incredibly intense drama filled arcs. The most Niki’s done is last arc when she...talked about not liking Schlatt then fought in the war with everyone else. She was acknowledged for both of these things. But nobody’s going to hold her hand and pull her into relevancy, she has an obligation to make herself heard like everybody else does.  To say she's undervalued would imply her actions usually have more value than she’s given credit for. That just doesn’t happen.

And the tactics she’s used to pull people onto her side are incredibly unfair. The smear campaign against Tommy (which was unfair, niki complains about tommy being destructive but need i remind you the stuff she and fundy pulled when they reignited the pet war? she criticizes tommy for not putting more effort into acknowledging her but again, it’s nobodies job to hold her hand through everything and pat her on the back every time she speaks, especially not tommy who already has the weight of the world on his back) , Niki acting betrayed by Tubbo despite the fact that he still clearly believes them to be friends (and honestly idk what the kid did that she could possibly consider a betrayal, i don’t remember her ever confronting him about anything), quoting The Final Control Room to Fundy, somebody who was there in the control room and is in the middle of a nervous breakdown who’s bound to be at least semi hurt by the quotation. At one point Tubbo asked about how unequipped Niki was and she rambled for like five minutes about how she’s had nothing since Schlatt taxed her, and Tubbo immediately offers her diamond, but she just keeps going. She then took the armor...and just didn’t fight with it. Not only did she take Tubbo’s armor and do nothing with it, but she then proceeded to talk negatively about the kid and his best friend completely behind their backs as a means to convince multiple people who were currently stressed and/or hurting to allow a dictator to reign unchecked.

Niki's "fuck all of you" arc feels so undeserved. Like im literally petitioning for Tommy and Tubbo to have one but Niki doesn't deserve one, she's got zero reason at all to even want one much less to be justified in it, and she's not even just leaving everyone to struggle she's like..purposefully screwing them over in the vaguest hardest to figure out or possibly resolve way humanly possible. The people she’s ACTUALLY UPSET AT (assuming she is actually upset with tommy and tubbo and isn’t just..saying that..to convince people to go along with her bs) don’t even KNOW, she’s just been passive aggressively burning their stuff and talking shit behind their backs, I don’t know how anybody can encourage this.

I have a sinking suspicion this isn’t actually about Tommy and Tubbo or L’manburg at all and that she’s lashing out at people because...L’manburg hasn’t felt the same, not since Wilbur left (she completely panicked when she saw ghostbur log in, one of the most emotional responses she’d had all day, much moreso than anything relating to the people/things she was supposedly upset with).  And I mean, she says “L’manburg isn’t about freedom anymore”, but that’s a cop-out. L’manburg didn’t change. I mean what the fuck IS it about, then? I mean does she think Tommy and Tubbo, any second now, are going to reveal that ACTUALLY this battle ISN’T about fighting Dream’s tyranny at all, but rather they’re just having a debate with Techno and Dream about where to build their new ski resort- OBVIOUSLY NOT. What is this about if not freedom? L’manburg changed when Wilbur died, but it changed for the better.  Niki says L'manburg is dead. That the reason L'manburg was invented is dead. That the freedom L'manburg stood for is dead. That it died with Wilbur.  And yeah. The reason L'manburg originally started DID die with Wilbur, L’manburg started in a drug van,  The powerhungry moneygrabs died with Wilbur, the corruption of the state died with Wilbur, the ulterior motives, the manipulation, that all died with Wilbur. Wilbur's L'manburg is drug cartels, child soldiers, and cruel smear campaigns. That died with him. But Tommy’s L’manburg? Tommy's L'manburg is the freedom fighting morally driven nation of passion and hope. Niki can't see that Niki won't let herself see that Because that was meant to be WILBUR'S L'manburg The light and color and joy and laughter was meant to be Wilbur's He brought that! When he was good, in the beginning, he brought that! And it can't carry on after he's gone! Things can't get better after he's gone! Not with Tommyinnit L'manburg is Wilbur's not Tommy's L'manburg died with Wilbur. L'manburg died with Wilbur. L'manburg died with Wilbur. Niki can’t see that it didn’t. Niki can’t let herself see that it didn’t, because she put Wilbur on such a pedestal, used him as a symbol of hope, and the idea that the world keeps turning when he’s gone- that things may just get better when he’s gone- isn’t something Niki can deal with. There’s a reason Niki didn’t do much during the rebuilding era, a reason she didn’t have anything to say about Tommy’s exile, a reason she pulled Fundy out of there and made her own nation, a reason she’s been so silent generally. A reason she’s convinced herself L’manburg is dead when it’s not. She put all her faith onto Wilbur, and when he died, so did her hope in the future. In her eyes Wilbur was L’manburg, in her eyes Wilbur was the one that gave it life, and so in her eyes when Wilbur died, so did L’manburg. That’s why she cheered when the nation went up in flames, that’s why she can’t believe that it’s still the same L’manburg- possibly a better L’manburg- that’s why she lashed out, almost violently, at the idea that people are still seeing light and joy and hope in the nation, violently at the people who dared to try to lead L’manburg after Wilbur was gone, because L’manburg was Wilbur’s unfinished symphony in her eyes.

It’s frustrating and it’s sad. I’m angry with her, quite frankly, and at this point i’m not sure i care weather she gets therapy or a punch in the mouth, but she needs one of them for sure. Or both. I hope she gets both.

Either way she isn’t ‘popping off’. This isn’t a good thing. She’s lashing out unfairly (and as things often are on the smp, we have wilbur to blame)

#mcyt #dream smp #nihachu #dream smp discourse #long post

[im-thinking-arson]

Hi wow depression is a hell of a thing.

I'm sorry for the relative silence here, considering everything that has been going on in the last (roughly) year and a half it has been really hard to focus on any creative outlets. Everything has felt pretty heavy as I have been piecing together what exactly happened to myself and the people I used to share a community with.

Although my former FC is basically non-existent at this point, I feel it is appropriate to say that I no longer associate with its' leader @morganaux (sernoudenet on Twitter and formerly here) and to clarify why.

I have been struggling with what to even say about the situation. There are so many layers that I don't honestly know if any single cross-section could explain all there is to unpack. When it takes multiple people six months to explore everything they know as fact... I think that shows its not so much of a 'he said, they said' scenario as the few people who still support Morgy have tried to claim.

I feel guilty not speaking up sooner, considering this person is a member of the FFXIV community who I'm fairly sure some of my mutuals follow. Its so hard to speak out when he publicly acts innocent, like he has quietly moved on and refuses to acknowledge what he's done.

The reality feels so cold in contrast, with the knowledge I have- that he has done this multiple times before, burning down or wearing down those he has hurt with false sincerity; claiming innocence, claiming people misunderstand the significance of the intentions behind the knives in their backs, claiming he is the truest victim of the mess wrought of his own actions.

He quietly retweets fan art, cute animals, head canons, and all kinds of fandom things- but also others' tweets to identify with their own traumas- the same traumatic thoughts and feelings he incites in others through a mixture of gaslighting, lashing out, and playing the victim. He tweets passive aggressively about people he feels the victim of, (justified or not) even amid posts about his dearly beloved OC.

At this point I should just block him and try to scrape all memory of what I went through from my mind, but un-fucking-fortunately I know him too well to believe it's over when it's over. He still makes passive aggressive tweets about people he hasn't talked to in one, two, ?? years, a person who was a good friend to him for 10 years before he scapegoated them to maintain his own sense of righteousness.

Seeing as I witnessed him maintain not one, not two, not three- FOUR venting channels in his own discord, including at one point one specifically made for sh*tting on a single person, defending it's use and encouraging others to participate saying 'this is how victims cope'...

I know it's not over, and if he had a single shred of...anything... He could leverage against me he would have already tried to 'cancel' me. I'm not turning my back again to see if he decides to throw another knife.

For a long time I wanted to believe I had simply misunderstood the situation, that his intentions weren't so self-serving. The more I saw, the more I heard testimony from others that matched my own, the more I began to un-repress and process my own memories and connect the dots... And the less sense his own account made.

While I tried to maintain my friendship with him I ignored all the red flags, my own rise in anxiety, the isolation I felt. I felt so much pressure to fit into his equation, to be a supportive friend, to keep track of how he was feeling that I stopped taking care of my own mental health.

All the while he got angry for people not checking on him when he asked for space, threw a fit when anyone failed to accommodate his whims, and even accused his three closest friends of purposefully excluding him by taking screenshots without him in them or even hanging out together when he was offline..

And he would have people believe that most of the issues he was involved in centered on his friends not communicating with him. But in my case at least, nothing could be further from the truth.

I told him I felt uncomfortable with the fact his (at the time) friend had publicly lashed out at me in his discord server for stating my opinion. He suggested I work harder to befriend this person, that he couldn't and wouldn't approach his friend about it because he wasn't a FC member and only there as a friend of himself and his two closest friends.

He lashed out at a former friend (and FC mate) of mine -on my behalf- because they wouldn't stop messaging me while I was at work... And when this person subsequently put me on blast thinking I had put him up to it I mentioned considering posting my side of the story- to initially be shamed (by the person mentioned above) for suggesting I protect myself, stating it could make things worse for the people who had already publicly attacked this person...

I approached him about another former friend of his angrily ranting about a character I had though at the time they knew I was planning to RP (I had spoken about it both in-game and in a discord we all shared) because I didn't know them well enough to feel comfortable saying that made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in the space. I approached my former friend because I knew from experience he took things like this seriously and he was the one who had invited this character TO role play in the first place.

He reacted by telling this person he had no idea why I was upset, asked them to address an issue they had no context for - prompting them to write an apology, and then reinforced their worry that I hated them by saying I "probably disliked them since [I] hadn't written them an apology" in return. I had thought they both wanted to drop the subject because he stopped responding about the situation.

He decided the situation was resolved and kept inviting us around one another for at least four months while keeping up the illusion that I disliked this person despite me trying to remain friendly- and said nothing about the situation until AFTER he had nuked his FC and almost everyone was done with his bullshit. I had asked him to be honest about the situation and finally got "[name] thinks you dislike him" ???

(I might add more details about these situations because it's honestly much more of a mess than it might seem, but I'd probably have to write a fucking book to explain everything well in-sequence of events.)

But those examples aside, I told him up front that the favoritism he showed and my concerns being glossed over was messing with my head, that I didn't know if I felt safe in his FC, that the whole situation was making me feel like I was losing my grip on reality, that at one point feeling like I was being discouraged from defending myself was beginning to make me feel su*cidal. These are things he knew.

He reacted to this ignoring both cause and effect, ignoring me unless I reached out first or it concerned RP, continually inviting me to hang out with people he knew I felt uncomfortable with (or vice versa) and normally turning down anything I invited him to do otherwise- including several times that I offered to help him with Eden or dungeons he wanted to farm when he previously said he was free to do so. A couple of times he declined saying he was waiting to see if he could convince another friend... and then threw a fit about 'no one wanting to help him' despite declining my offer and not reaching out to me after his other friend declined (I was still online but he decided to vent on discord instead).

Behind my back he talked shit about me, enough that someone who had known him 10 years and was familiar with his behavioral patterns qualified it 'constant' bashing, whenever I came up in conversation. And even included confronting me about the three situations I mentioned above in a plan he was working on to 'fix' his FC, as if he thought I was reaching out to him to stir up drama.

Eventually it came out that the friend I mentioned in the first example was emotionally abusing his friends (and I found out later told him two of them were talking shit about him- prompting HIM to lash out at them). One of them mentioned that person had still been talking shit about me 6 months later on a private account and when I got upset that THREE people I had thought were my friends didn't tell me, I made a few jokes in poor taste (that I do now regret) about the situation to try and prevent myself from having a mental break down.

The person he led to believe I hated left the discord server at that point and he decided to divert some of the blame for (in his words) 'being worried for this person's life' -whom he had attacked over the situation- to me... blaming them leaving and him having trouble contacting them on me.

I told him if this former friend was indeed attacking people and he was so worried we needed to talk about the situation, since in other situations his response was to ignore the hurt caused. He blew up about me messaging him at work, he blamed me for every situation I had brought to his attention. He went to his mods to rant about me and sent one of them to scope out the situation in hopes they could shut me up.

This is the friend of 10 years, who quickly became concerned and not for the reasons he had hoped. They shared a few screenshots of things said to gaslight me behind my back as the conversation progressed. Eventually the other mod jumped in and, knowingly or not proceeded to gaslight me FOR him, based on what they were told. By him.

They reinforced everything he was saying in guise of a neutral perspective and my efforts to prevent a full-scale breakdown failed. I lost all grip on reality for several days- in which at some point I wrote an apology to him for accusing him of several things that were later proven true- and one thing he, himself, proved he'd lied about to the other person involved.

I spent almost two weeks in a self-imposed social break to sort everything out and attempt to cope with what I was told was reality. I fell into the deepest depression I've been in since I had to run away from home, and honestly if it wasn't for my wonderful SO and our house mates, I might have really hurt myself.

It turns out another situation had been brewing parallel to my own. People had been coming to the social mod, the friend of 10 years, with their own worries about him. Almost every. Single. Member. Including at least four people who came forward with fears that if they did a single thing that he interpreted as an insult or threat they would find themselves exiled, called out, and ranted about in a jumbled mix of truth and fictional-malice until their own friends turned on them to support his victim complex.

These four people came forward on the condition that their names be kept anonymous to protect their identity. He didn't take kindly to this, quickly demanding names so they (his mod team) could handle the situation. The mod refused, knowing he has a history of lashing out at any criticism against him and to protect those who were already afraid of bringing the problems up to Morgy.

He reacted by lashing out at this person, claiming they ruined his life, and attempting to weed out those who had spoken out against him by kicking anyone he didn't feel 'safe' being around from his FC. He posted a message in his FC discord about resuming his 'reign of terror'... Which, even if it was a joke, was in in poor taste after pruning his FC of anyone he didn't think could be convinced of his 'good intentions.'

I missed this first culling of his FC members, I assume, because I had apologized and at the time submitted to his version of events. He approached me soon after I noticed the changes in the discord and FC roster; claiming he really wanted to work things out and remain friends- going as far as to say he was so nervous about my reaction that he was shaking.

I wanted to take him at face value despite everything that happened because yeah, I did want to believe he was sincere, that he was a good friend, and that all of it had been an unfortunate misunderstanding. And at first I did until I started talking to other people who knew him and getting their side of the story. Nothing he said added up. Between first-hand testimony and over a hundred screenshots from multiple people the ONLY things that were clear and consistent were that he lied and fit his narrative to whatever he wanted to achieve.

He tried to reduce conflict by omitting information, he controlled people's perception of one another by how he spoke about them and how close he let them to himself and others, he built a support group by polarizing his friends against his 'enemies' and if anyone had a problem with him... They were wrong, and got added to the pile of 'aggressors' he had accumulated over the years, to be bashed and spit on for years to come.

He may have sensed my change in opinion when I directly asked him to help me reach out to the person who thought I disliked them-  managed to come to an understanding and we mutually apologized for the situation... Without his meddling. Or maybe when he realized I was still on talking terms with the people he had lashed out at and directly asked him why he had kicked people who did absolutely nothing to him... Or it could be that I kept in contact with the person who 'ruined his life' by trying to protect his friends from him. I don't know.

While we were still talking he tried to identify with me and bond over the feeling of loosing the FC, a group of people that despite the anxiety, and pain I had felt in the environment he'd built I did deeply respect and care about... Despite the dissolution of that group and the abuse I suffered being -at the core- his own fault. He even went as far as to say my description of the PTSD and fear I was experiencing described exactly how he was feeling, too.

As our conversations further weighed on my mental health I had to take a break from interacting with him. I was honest again, with what I was told, what I knew, and asked him for honesty about the situation... What he had said about me behind my back and why because I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to see if he would acknowledge the harm he caused both to me and the rest of the (former) FC.

He never did, and probably won't. He asked for some time to tend to his own stress levels and mental health and then blocked me on all social media and discord, and kicked me from his FC without ever making an effort to reach out.

Of the few people who are still close to him, one of them suggested that "maybe he just decided he didn't want to be friends anymore." But after him begging to have a conversation to iron out all the facts, claiming to be so anxious about such a conversation going well that he was 'shaking', admitting that what he did hurt people and that my being wary of him was understandable, asking me -directly- to let him know if he did anything 'shady', and stressing he REALLY wanted this conversation to take place when we were both able to handle it because of how important he felt it was...

I feel like its fair to say that him suddenly cutting off all contact isn't quite so simple. He could have done that at any point. Before pointedly ignoring my concerns, before gaslighting me, before blaming me for the results of his own actions, before accepting an apology for accusing him of things he did legitimately do, and certainly before directly telling me had no real problems with me, that he it was super important to him that we remain friends, and that I deserved his honesty.

I'm not going to try and tell anyone who they should be friends with or not. Frankly, people can change and in a lot of cases experiences with individuals will be different.

But on that same note, if I had known then what I know now I might have saved myself from roughly two years of anxiety and avoided the state of dissonance I now find myself in. I still have moments where I want to doubt the things I experienced first hand. My mind is still trying to repress my own memories to cope.

A part of me still cares about him despite everything because as far as I knew, he was my friend and I am still trying to reconcile what I found to be true.

At this point I feel like I should say please don't harass Morgy if you read this, but honestly? If you have any reason to hold him accountable go for it. He needs it. And if you have any gut feelings about him or anyone in his circle please listen to it. The few supporters he still has are willing to ignore anything he has done previous to the fall of his FC and have shown they are willing to debate and accuse people who speak out about legitimate concerns involving him.

If anyone has any questions I am willing to answer them and share the proof I have.

And in the off chance anyone wants to (further) argue with me about my experiences or whether or not I suffered enough to be considered a victim, please Google some images of a hand giving the middle finger. But if after that you still really want to play stupid games? I can find you some stupid prizes.

I don't owe him my silence. Or peace of mind. The only thing I owe him is to be as entirely, brutally, honest as possible given the information I have. I think it's a fair offer considering the mind-numbing volume of honesty he -still- owes all of us.

- - - - -

I may add more onto this. Unfortunately the entire situation is a lot more complex, but I wanted to get the backbone of my own experiences out there and there is so much bullshit it can't all be seen from any one direction. A lot of the circumstantial evidence loops back into other situations and makes it hard to comprehensively represent everything on any sort of singular timeline. As I said in the beginning there is a reason it took a small group 6 months to piece it together.

I am far from the only person hurt, and the entire situation was a mess with people feeling unnerved or pressured into going along with his agenda. For the most part now that I have more context I don't blame most of the people involved for their own actions. I fully support those who can't or won't come forward about the situation whether they just want out of his drama, or are afraid to come forward.

#ffxiv community #ffxiv rp #Morganaux #Morgy #Ser Noudenet #ffxiv twitter

[jason-pipers]

the jason/piper breakup and jason’s subsequent death

it is a long and angry post so you have been warned 

 I’m really sick of seeing Jason Grace/Piper McLean slander in their own tag, and I’m really, really sick of seeing people justify their breakup/his death as good writing. 

As I’ve been studying literature and text for the past four years at Uni- I can say with absolute confidence that The Burning Maze utilizing Jason and Piper was horrible. Like a bag of shit mixed together then smeared on paper and published kind of horrible. Actually, you don’t even really need a degree to be able to point out the very basic absurdity of them appearing in TBM. So even though I have a paper due on a completely unrelated topic and a lot of homework, I naturally decided this was a much better thing to write about: 

 Maybe in another world, Rick’s ghostwriters will be better at writing his books. The reason why the Jason/Piper breakup was extremely confusing and done very poorly in the sense of their character arcs was that there was no buildup to the breakup. In fact, I think these two got together off-screen and broke up off-screen. Yet, I’m sure Riordan sat at his desk thinking “now why don’t people just like Jason and Piper?? I give them so much!” Actually, you gave them nothing. It’s also considerably easy to disguise their breakup as logical when it isn’t. Now, people will argue that the basic foundation of the relationship was poorly made because of Hera’s meddling and that’s why they broke up. This is a lazy way to think about it because it’s obvious you don’t care about the characters so you should just say that and go. Hera’s meddling (putting false memories of Jason in Piper’s head and wiping Jason’s brain) really only gave Piper a vague notion of Jason (based on real attributes the Mist pulls) and also gave PERCY and Jason multiple relationships after the switcheroo. But Piper actually meets Jason and then has a subsequent breakdown that maybe he’s not her boyfriend. However, once she gets to know the real Jason (very accurate to the one she knew in her memories because Aphrodite said she could sense real possibilities hinting at their romance), she is still developing romantic feelings for him. It’s implied that the reason why Piper is falling so fast is because the memories she has of Jason are based on the real Jason. It’s easy to establish that Piper has real romantic feelings for Jason, not the made up Jason because the majority of TLH is them getting to know each other. If she felt like there was some confusion on her part about developing feelings for him because of Hera switching Percy and Jason- why did it not come up EVER? The months where Jason and Piper started dating. How about that long ass quest on the Argo? It could have been a valid plot line but it never came up. If it had come up near the end of the series or maybe even if it was a small subplot in the series, it would make the breakup logical, at least narratively. But no, we end Blood of Olympus with Jason and Piper coming full circle with the moment in the stars. Flash forward three years later to TBM where everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about Piper and Jason are thrown into the trash. They’re broken up due to the false memories and overall I guess it’s implied Piper doesn’t have feelings for him anymore or something? Or the trauma of being in something like that prophecy was a lot for her to handle and she needed some time to figure things out? Yeah of course! Just like when she will go through another trauma (Jason dying for her) and start dating someone new right after. This would be so much easier to read and digest if these things are shown- in their own series and maybe not as a side thing to Apollo’s series. Reading it in TOA was completely out of left field. I know SO MANY PEOPLE were like that makes so much sense! Good for you Piper! But I was like girl, who are you? I feel like I have not spent any time with you and none of what you’re saying is connecting to anything you were like before. Which leads me to believe people just did not like Piper in HOO but just say that and go. HOO Piper is not TBM/TOA Piper. RR doesn’t know how to characterize his own goddamn characters. Furthermore, everything in canon up until TBM implies and directly states that Jason and Piper are endgame. It’s not to say they didn’t have problems that were resolved or that the way they got together was conventional. There was not even a smidge bit of reluctance to admit they were canon endgame- I think RR even had Cupid involved. There was no prediction or even hint of what would happen in TBM in HOO, which is a very big narrative problem. Jason, always isolated by loved ones and quite frankly always shouldering way more than a human can handle dies exactly the way he suffers. There is no growth or even a small lovely moment where we can see Jason. 

This brings me to the most unnecessary death I’ve ever read in my life. I know RR’s ego hurt from the complaints about Jason/Piper/Frank/Hazel/Leo (basically a non-Percabeth character) being underdeveloped. I know his ego was fucked when he “killed” Leo but didn’t really kill Leo so everyone was like what the fuck. I know he wanted to prove he is a good writer but like any other bad writer, he decided to jump the shark. And I know he wanted Jason and Piper to be more likable but the fandom really wanted a Leo-esque character. The breakup really happened because he wanted to demonstrate to critics that he could live with couples not being endgame and knew Jasiper was relatively unpopular compared to Percabeth/Caleo/etc. He wasn’t thinking in terms of ‘does this fit what I’ve created’ but in terms of ‘people might be like oh shit this is violent and they’re finally gone!’. I don’t know what idiotic thought process made him reach the point of killing one of them but he obviously got there. See, there is no difference between Jason or Piper dying in TBM. It could’ve easily been Piper who was impaled by Caligula and reminded Apollo “what it’s like to be human”. They were made *that* insignificant in TBM. Pretty much fucking interchangeable. IN DEATH. It also could’ve been anybody else in the world. It could’ve been that cheerleader from The Battle of the Labyrinth. It could’ve been Piper’s dad. It could have been Sally Jackson. Not a single part of Jason’s death was really related to Jason or his growth. Jason was the main/lead from HOO and if he was destined to die (which he wasn’t because RR doesn’t think anything through anymore), he should have died in his own series. That would make his sacrifice more compelling and important, but dying in TOA is just a big fuck you to his character. I think the only equivalent I can think of is if HOO had solely been Jason’s series but RR pulled up Percy to simply kill him and then just kept writing. What the fuck does TOA have anything to do with Jason or Piper? Or even Leo? I usually love when characters make cameo appearances to remind us of the past we loved them in. Kind of like when Lynda Carter appeared as Asteria in WW1984. Conversely, involving them in the plot and then using them as a plot device for the main character- AKA USING YOUR MAIN CHARACTER AS A PLOT DEVICE FOR ANOTHER MAIN CHARACTER IN A SEPARATE SERIES- is not only dumb but it truly makes everything else you’ve written for the first main character devoid of any real significance. Jason was never a fully fleshed-out character, the way he deserved to be written, because RR couldn’t world build as well as he thought and that ‘every single character gets a POV’ didn’t do the legendary thing he thought it did. However, anything that mattered about Jason was pretty much killed in TBM because he was easily killed by a villain that was not even remotely interested in Jason or aware of his existence. What does FUCK does Caligula mean to Jason? Nothing. Did the final battle create a full circle for Jason other than the line “remember?” which is not really related to his amnesia- no. His character arc was about an identity crisis- being pushed and pulled in two directions. Jason barely means anything to Apollo so RR using Jason as a convenient kill to send home a message is also shitty for Apollo. Lead hero characters can die- they sometimes just have to. Marissa Cooper’s death in the OC narratively makes sense due to the nature of the character being a damsel in distress from the very beginning- a foil to her counterpart, Ryan Atwood. But in this case, RR knew he had to shock people to keep getting $$$. I never got the impression RR cared about Jason or Piper, especially since he was incredibly disrespectful and lazy when writing about Piper. (For that- I can link really detailed posts explaining his racism). The truth is Riordan cannot live without putting his characters in relationships- Frazel, Caleo, Tyson/Ella (?), Hedge/Mellie- but he wanted to prove that he could which is why Jasiper broke up.

Piper’s girlfriend in TON- I didn’t read TON for the reasons above and I don’t think I’ll ever read a Riordan book again: I did find out that Piper gets a GF in TON which at first I thought was incredibly neat but then later became angry when I learned it was only months after Jason’s death? I have always wanted Piper to explore her sexuality but RR has this case of never giving important things the development it deserves. He’s incredibly messy and inconsistent when he creates lgbtqia+ characters, usually only including them so he can get credit for including them. He’s never actually explored Piper’s sexuality fully in the series, but he threw her in yet another relationship we didn’t get to read about right after she was almost beaten to death and then witnessed the murder of her ex-boyfriend. If you think that is representation, please rethink that. We don’t get to hear her talk about anything at all, except maybe mentioning the girl’s name. A subtle hint. Just representation is not good representation and it is right that we demand better representation. Don’t settle for less. For fuck’s sake, Riverdale is only really good at queerbaiting but they get so much praise. (Do they? At this point I can’t tell). If we wanted to explore Piper’s sexuality, it could have been done while she was with Jason or even broken up with him in her own series- why didn’t RR explore the nature of being lgbtqia+ in an Indigenous family? He had the chance to demonstrate an awareness of intersectionality through Piper but he fucked up. He had so much to write about. So, people who are yelling happily about that Piper appearance in TON-??? 

 This was long and frustrating to write. But I had feelings.

#jason grace #Piper McLean #percy jackson #pjo #jasiper #jasper #jiper #toa #trials of apollo #Heroes of Olympus